#polished rewatch thoughts from my drafts

[lokiinmediasideblog]

The thing about MCU!Thor is that to me he is an A+ student whose favorite subject is mass murder. I bet he got plenty of rewards and praise for it, and it has both inflated his ego for the past millennia and become tied to his self-worth as a result.

Whenever I see Loki's manipulation discussed, it's along the lines of "Thor is stupid/gullible and shouldn't be king because of that" when it should be "Thor WANTED a war. Thor LOVES battle. He's not ready because of this." Loki knew Thor wanted to fight (and hot take: Loki's nudge would not have worked on some pacifist). Look at the murderous glee he has in anticipation during the Jotunheim incident. He's like: (\(^_^)/)

Another instance I can think of is how confident he is at first about getting Mjolnir back, and getting through all those SHIELD agents. He knows he can do it because it's what he is good at and what he ties his self-worth towards. He thinks he knows the rules to get Mjolnir back, but then he learns it didn't work, and he begins to show fear and despair. Tell me it doesn't have vibes of someone that doesn't know how to deal with failure.

I saw something in a fic where his reaction to being called "princess" was because "he thought it was aimed at Loki", and it really ruins the context and misses the point. Thor was EAGER to fight, and took the opportunity with the insult. And I hate this tendency to make pre-T1 Thor a perfect brother to Loki and ray of sunshine. The point is that he undergoes redemption in T1. To say that he didn't need it and Loki just tricked him misses the point. He also gets dumbed down because he's not allowed to be morally gray, so any bad things he did were due to gullibility(e.g. "trusting too much/loving Loki too much"<- that's a kind of flaw that annoys me in characters that are portrayed otherwise good; it's such a cop out) instead of flawed morality.

I think that by making Thor 100% good, he ends up getting very dumbed down. In my experience, unless the fic was written by some Loki stan that projects too much and ships Frostiron (or someone who has a brutish Thor kink in some AU where they're not brothers and it may be tagged with "Dark Thor"), Thor is made out to be too nice. He is basically the perfect brother to Loki and his moral flaws are basically that "he's just a gullible himbo." And I just don't think that was the case, and it also simplifies Thor as a character when his war-like tendencies are ignored.

TLDR: Thor is neither himbo nor brute. But he's not nearly as kind as he's often flattened to be. He should have a dark side.

[the-stove-is-divorced]

So, hi again

Ok first, congratulations on your 100 subscribers!!! That's an amazing feat to achieve!

Second, my question is this, do you plan on making more ben 10 fic in the

Future? Why yes or why no (no judging don't worry)

Another question is, do you know Danny phantom? Do you ever think about joining the fandom and making a fic for it?

Also last thing (sorry so many questions I'm excited)

For you bnha fics, do you have any hidden lore? Or random facts you head canon about a character that may or may not be included into the fic? (Loved inko's beef in nursing school lol) And what is Yagi's pov in this whole thing? I'm imagining it as complete comedy

If you ever decide to write something for your fic but in his pov, it has to be completely crack treated seriously with him missing every flag of his student having a meltdown and a walk toward the dark side lol

Sorry for the long ask, will be waiting for your reply!

Don't worry about a long ask, I adore any asks I get (´꒳`)♡♡♡ !!! I just take a min to answer, haha. Especially rn, but thank you sm! I'm very happy about it, it's so delightful!!! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ ♡ ♡

I do want to write more Ben 10, but it's lower on the priority list. Batman brainrot had me a chokehold for a hot min there, and it just loosened, so I wanna get back on track on my bigger ongoing wip's, like my SUF and Invincible fics, and maybe even a Blue Beetle fic. They're both overdue for an update, and I've been itching to post for a while but just Couldn't from responsibilities, bleh.

If I had my way, I'd update those two fics, and then possibly muse about a oneshot of Albedo and Ben having to spend like 10 hours together, 'cause the enemy/friend dynamic is so yummy to me! Forcig them to interact like Albedo is internally hissing like a wet cat backed into the corner and Ben is just trying to vibe! Hostile, loathing force meet nonchalant, friendly energy, fight. Plus, I really want to write one more comedy-like fic since I've gotten incredibly rusty. As for my already existing Ben 10 wip, I'm quite not sure where to take it? I suppose I've run out of steam for the moment? Again, my more comedic style is incredibly rusty, so while I do have 1k of a draft, it's undoubtedly going to be scrapped and reworked to hell before it's even polished. And that's still lower on the priority list, compared to Invincible and SUF, which I'm still struggling to update.

AND I LOVE DANNY PHANTOM! I've just never had a proper fic idea for the series, admittedly. I'd also need a rewatch to keep in tune with Danny's voice/characterizations. I also read a lot of DP x Anything crossovers, and got really sick of them by proxy. It'll take a bit for me to write anything for it, I suppose? I'd need to reignite a interest!

And oh YAY! It's been a very long time since I thought about that fic, and a lot I make up as I go and try tying back together, kinda like building the railroad while I drive the train, haha. So not sure if I had any hidden lore, especially none I can think of at the top of my head? But, like anything, I can think of some!

a) Inko and Hisashi are still technically married as they never got officially divorced, Inko kinda kicked him out and he's still yearning. He admires her ability to be cut throat, and loathes her strong sense of morals. b) Inko and Hisashi met while Inko was in med school, nearly graduating! She threatened to stick a pen through someone's throat for mocking her, and he was enamored. c) Izuku gets his determination from Inko, not Hisashi. He also gets the ability to burst into tears from her. The quick obsession is all him though. d) Hisashi left when Izuku was just young enough for his parenting to still linger, aka quirk fascination, but still early enough Izuku doesn't quite miss him when he's lived so long without him.

Yagi is ABSOLUTELY having a swell ol' time looking at Izuku succeed from the sidelines. Go, Izuku go! Number one cheerleader in the distance. He would be oblivious to Izuku's slowburn sanity depletion, if not incidentally encouraging by misunderstanding, since I think that's silly. Probably offer some advice Izuku takes in a whole another direction, or comment on Izuku's quirk to be encouraging, which makes Izuku incredibly tight lipped and sweating bullets. Which is to say, completely correct assumption from you, haha!

I did have a draft of the next chapter I never ended up finished, if you'd like :D below!

Izuku has been cackling madly for a solid minute. Maybe it’s the exhaustion still clinging to him like a teddy bear cactus after seeing its first fleshy human taxi, or the sweet, sweet euphoria of a miraculous, and marvelous step forwards, or maybe he’s simply lost his sanity, but eventually, it winds down to giggles, chuckles until it’s nothing but a bright grin stretched over his cute little cheeks. 

“Shigaraki!” Izuku whispers delightfully. “Shigaraki, Shigaraki, Shigaraki!” 

Unfortunately, chanting someone's name while cackling, does sound like he’s reciting the next person he’s gonna curse to have their toes swapped with their fingers or having their spine crumble like a wad of wet paper towels squeezed into a tiny ball, so Izuku does exhibit one tiny glimmer of self awareness to simply stop doing that. The magic of sleep, he supposes, brings the wonderful gift of self awareness!

He should sleep more. Probably. Maybe. He’ll see. 

And while yes, okay, there is technically literally no one in the house except for him to see him like this, his All Might figure could be judging him! He can’t disappoint them! They’re limited edition. And oh, he should wipe them down soon. Gotta keep them in good condition! Just imagining one of those delicate, glossy figures being cracked and broken just makes Izuku wanna do the same thing to someone’s spine, which is ridiculous!

Izuku would simply never allow them to get damaged. Ever.

[astarkey]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

Thank you so much for tagging me @chronic-ghost!!! 🤗💖

Do I Know You? (Alt link 'cause idk if the ao3 site is still a mess) [Fdtd] - This was for a secret Santa gift for my friend @lilmissuncreative, and I really thought the idea of a thief falling in love with a billionaire's daughter at an art museum was cute, and I still find it weird and creepy that DJ was at an art museum while I was almost done writing this lol.

Take a Picture (Fdtd) - This was also for my friend @yossariandawn based on one of the prompts she asked me to write. It was pretty sweet and cute, I thought, where Seth and Kate get to have their "honeymoon" haha (or much more like a very long, needed vacation 'cause they deserve it 😩)

I'm Out of My Head (Alt link) [Fdtd] - So... this was actually the first fic I've ever posted publicly, and it was also the first smut fic I've ever posted publicly, too lmfao! But I got this idea from watching an old show I used to watch in the 90's called Brotherly Love (that Lawrence brothers show), and then from rewatching Venom, like that movie pushed me to write it by that point instead of continuing to imagine it lmao.

Dirt (Fdtd) - So this is actually a fic I have never shown anyone and never posted, and it's still a rough draft (and I mean ROUGH), but it's like still one of my favorites because I liked writing Seth and Kate's dynamic, and Kate's feelings and what's going on through her mind from right after they left the Twister to the end of what I'm not going to spoil lol! But I really enjoyed seeing the highs and lows of their relationship, as messy as it was, and this fic was a hot mess honestly, which fits overall 🤣 But yeah, I wrote this years ago and I actually rushed in writing the ending paragraph just now because the story was already finished, but I needed a way to end it lol. But yeah, it's not really a polished story, but it's finished!

Lemonade (Fdtd) - So this was from two prompts someone asked me to do with a character kissing someone in secrecy and/or to shut them up, and I really do love the neighbor idea, and I also love how short and sweet it was. It was overall perfect and the only perfect fic I ever felt good writing honestly 😂 I have thought about expanding it for a while, but I already have 20 WIPs I haven't come remotely close to finishing either lmfao.

Tagging (no pressure!): @lilmissuncreative, @alwaysupatnight, @bonnielass23, @bensonstablers, @justjstuff, @fortysevenswrites, @blondiest, @virgosandpoison, @ambrosiaswhispers, @ladyculebras, @imaginedfables, @etgoddess, and anyone else who wishes to do this! 😁❤️

[screadingchallenge]

Behind the Keyboard-Volume 11

Behind the Keyboard is a series of interviews with different Schitt’s Creek fanfic authors. The series will last as long as there is interest (from authors) and capacity (from me). If you are an author from the Schitt’s Creek fandom who would like to participate, send a DM to this account.  

Each author was given ten questions. The first five questions are the same for every author, the last five will vary.

Remember, this year’s Reading Challenge begins July 15, so polish up those MFL lists.

Let’s meet our next author:

@likerealpeopledo-on-ao3​ /  Likerealpeopledo

How many fics have you written?

49 that are posted on Ao3 but I was writing fics before I knew what they were, so conservatively, probably closer to 200 or 300.

When did you publish your first fic on AO3?

July 13, 2014 in another fandom.

Describe your writing process from “Oh, I have an idea” to pushing publish on AO3. 

My writing process involves a lot of wailing, crying, and gnashing of teeth. But amongst that, once I have the premise, I usually start by deciding what my fic is really about. Not just plot (which is almost secondary) but what my theme is or what idea I’m trying to get across about the characters. I try to figure out POV, time period, canon vs AU, so I know what my foundation is. I brainstorm with my friends and betas as much as I can. Once I have all that in place, I make a playlist with songs/lyrics relating to my plot and theme. I listen to it while I’m driving mostly, because that is where I get a lot of my ideas. 

My favorite stage of preparing to write a fic is research. If the fic is something simple, like about how Patrick came to own his mustard sweater (seriously, where did he get that and why; please see my first SC fic for reference), I’ll watch the episode or read the script for a refresher. Or at least the piece that is pertinent to my fic. I rewatch episodes less now because I feel like I have the voice down but if I’m struggling to get something going, I will always go back to the source material.

If I’m writing a fic that is more complex (like about kidney donation or chronic pain), I watch documentaries, I read books, articles, wiki-everything. If I’m writing an enemies-to-lovers (current WIP), I try to read or watch things that have similar themes or tropes. Not to steal from them, but to see what I can subvert. I have this fic-writing idiosyncrasy where I like to feel like I’m doing something new, which I know is madness because I’m using someone else’s characters and there are like, four kinds of stories in the world, but. Alas.  

I write notes for every thought I have about the fic into my Notes app or a notebook. I sometimes outline, especially if it’s long, but usually I don’t outline until I have some ideas of scenes on paper. It’s a reverse outline, I guess, so I can see how I want to string things together.

If it’s a long fic, I do not write in order. It is my greatest strength and my biggest weakness I think. I write what excites me, what stands out in my head, snippets of conversations that I can cobble together to make a cohesive thing. It means that by the time I get toward the end of a draft, I’m left with the parts I think are boring, like exposition or transitions, and I spend a lot of time arranging and rearranging. Again, this has its advantages and disadvantages. With shorter pieces, I will sometimes write in order but even within scenes, I tend to write dialogue first and then flesh everything else out around it.

Sweet baby cheeses, my process is long and I’m not even done.

I usually write best in the morning. I do better without distractions but I can write anywhere. I write longhand when I get stuck. I try to write a little bit  every day but honestly, I write the most when I feel like I have something to say. Those are the times when paragraphs sort of pop into my head, or I can visualize an entire scene. (If I feel like I can’t hear what the characters are saying, I close my eyes. This leads to some impromptu writing naps.) Some days I’ll write 5000 words and others it will be 50. After nine p.m., I hate everything.

Once I have the first draft done (as if that is a swift process), I send it to my betas. I have two. One of my betas likes to see a whole draft before she makes suggestions and one will beta in pieces. (As I’m writing my first draft, I am constantly harassing both betas and sending them snippets. If I get stuck, I’ll turn to discord or my betas for brainstorming.) Once the first draft is betaed by both, I’ll put together my second draft (this is hilarious because the way I edit, I feel like the second draft I send to beta is realistically the 39th draft, but) and send it in chapters. That way they can make final edits and tweaks and I can begin to post. With a long fic, I like to be a few chapters ahead in edits before I post. With a short fic, I will send it to beta once, but not necessarily a second time, depending on how clear I was in my own head about what worked and what didn’t. Sometimes I’ll just resend a section if I had to make big changes or if it’s a new piece I added.

If I tell you about the nerves and insecurity I feel when posting, we will be here until the end of days, so just know, pushing send is a fraught thing lol.

Tell me about your most recent fic? What do you love about it? Is there anything you think you could have done better?

My most recent fic was Such Great Heights, which I called AirPat. It took me a long time to write it (almost two years) and I kept writing other things because I felt stuck. I’m not great at loving my writing, but I think that with AirPat, I really leaned into the banter and the humor, and I love that they were both all in from the beginning. I also loved that I was able to show a more complicated, complex side of the Brewers while still keeping them who they are, and write an original character in Patrick’s cousin, Sam. I love exploring Patrick’s psyche and I think I did a good job of making it make sense for him and his situation. It was a fight in my own head, let me tell you. I am also very proud of the wedding crash and if you haven’t read it yet, that chapter is worth the price of admission.

I always think I could have done better, but I don’t know that there is anything I would change at this point. I have probably already changed it, ha. I am not precious about words or scenes, usually, and have a tendency to edit pretty mercilessly. I will kill a lot of darlings in service of a story, and in AirPat, I took out a whole chapter midway through edits because I felt like the story was getting bloated. I felt so much better afterward. I am always wishing I had chosen better words or a new way to say someone smiled, but it’s nitpicky stuff, not structural.

What advice would you give to someone who’s thinking about publishing their fic for the first time?

Write what you want to read and don’t worry about what other people will think. Writing is supposed to be fun (I have to repeat this to myself often) and there is always someone out there who will identify with what you have to say. I would also recommend having a beta, because there is nothing like immediate feedback and someone who can help you make the best story you can, because no one can do this alone. Paid writers have editors so why shouldn’t we? Also, if your writing is true to the character, you can’t go wrong. 

How much of yourself do you put into your stories or characters?

Ugh, too much. I am writing David and Patrick, who have been invented by someone else and who are mostly fully formed already, but I steal liberally from my own life. Patrick, especially, is a blank slate I draw on with my own experiences. David is my more judgemental side. I think we all develop head canons based on our own experiences a bit, and sometimes that closeness helps, but sometimes it can hurt. 

What parts of writing are easy for you? What parts are hard?  

Dialogue is easiest for me. I think I had a lot of conversations with myself as a kid and that just carries on now. I think understanding emotionality and how we behave because of that is also a strength for me. I have always been good at balancing humor with tough things, and I credit my family and unfortunate Catholic upbringing for that, I guess. Putting myself out there is hard. Not getting engagement is hard. On a writing level, exposition is boring to me so it’s difficult. Also hard (pun intended), writing sex scenes. Bless the fade to black. I like writing kissing though. 

What’s a fic (by any author) you love that you don’t think enough people know about?

Ack! It’s hard to know what people know and don’t know, but I’d say that if you  haven’t read The Sidelines by wildhoneypie, or anything written by sullymygoodname or Nilolay, you’re missing out. 

Tell me about a story that you wish you could write but that you’re not quite ready to tackle.

I am always envious of people with 1100 WIPs because I barely have one idea at a time. I do have a few things I’ve considered but never dove into, and usually it’s because I think it’s going to be too complicated for my little brain. I have always wanted to write Patrick as a robot, which involves maybe more science-fiction elements than I’m entirely comfortable with and a ton of research. I have also always wanted to write a military AU (a lot of research required) but theme-wise I don’t know if it would fit in the SC world. 

What’s one question you would like to ask Dan Levy about writing? 

How do you make sure you keep enjoying it? Also, are you hiring? 

[pangolin-404]

I disagree with you that Gregory doesn’t care about Freddy. What is a 10 year old supposed to do about Freddy becoming withered while said 10 year old is actively being chased by 99% of the animatronic/robot staff and one human security guard? It’s hardly the time for polishing and shining up when Gregory is in fear for his LIFE. He also practically begs Freddy to come with him as he leaves.

With the other animatronics, I don’t think him almost destroying them while they’re, I dunno, CHASING HIM DOWN AND TRYING TO KILL HIM (because they DO kill him, if they catch him it’s Game Over) is cruel or malicious, it’s survival. The upgrades using the others’ parts have their own purposes. And the thing about animatronics is that they’re not human, so them getting messed up and broken doesn’t mean they’re irreparable.

I’ve been staring at this ask for a bit, after watching the rest of the endings (I think), after stewing on things a bit and getting my thoughts more in order. My views have changed a bit since previous posts/first impressions, and this is still probably a jumbled mess, but this has been in my drafts long enough:

1) I 100% see where you're coming from, and I agree, Gregory is acting in self-defense. I know the dude's not going to fix Freddy, I don't expect him to because he's 10 and being hunted like an animal. Gregory’s a kid who does what he has to to survive, I get that, and the upgrades do serve a purpose.

2) I agree with you about Gregory caring about Freddy. After rewatching things, I see points where he expresses care and worry when he ends up busted. Yeah, they care about each other! It’s the “disassembling his best friends and putting their parts in him” thing that makes me go “huh” in a way I can’t find the right words to describe. I still really want to see some in-game reconciliation about that (and the sentience of the animatronics, how easily they’re repaired, etc) 

3) Just in case, I wanna say I’m in no way am I blaming Gregory or calling him malicious. I find it so interesting how there’s never a point where he tells Freddy the truth about where he got the parts. he’s an interesting guy.

[septembersghost]

this is saved in my drafts from December 15, it was a section of a message to @alaynestone that I intended to polish up and write in a more cohesive way, but I never actually did that, and finding it again just made me decide to post it in its (mostly) raw form.

by now, I've written stray thoughts on this subject and the way I knit it to the Winchesters often, so it's not exactly a new topic here, but I'd been thinking a lot about folklore, the nature of what that is and how those stories continue on, ever since the album came out (a year ago now!), but also as its own concept, also because of reflecting so much on Supernatural before it came to an end. how culture and time crafts and shapes that, what we wrap ourselves up in narratively.

there is a particular power to ghost stories. it isn't only about the fright, the haunting or the presence, the danger of it, it's about our desires, our hope that there is something which remains. even if that something is a terror, is there a consolation in perceiving it, holding onto it, recognizing and understanding that it's there? ghost stories aren't about the dead, but rather what keeps death from its claim. we tell them, in many ways, to remember. if there is a spiritual realm beyond the earthly one, we seek it out, and part of the way we do that has always been storytelling. a ghost is a wish.

folklore was once considered "lowbrow" - something that extended from the "common" people, informal, rural, the fringes of proper society. but its study and preservation reveals so much about those people, their culture, their customs and beliefs, their interconnectedness, the losses and victories that look small on the outside but leave lasting ripples. folklore is a breathing thing, not an artifact, because it is constantly being given life anew. it moves across generations, perhaps gently reshaped with time, but the need for it remains the same. folklore is about humanity.

Supernatural is folklore in a way I don't think genre fiction (certainly on television) has ever attempted, not in the same sense, not in the prism of archetypes that the Winchesters and the stories they followed represented. maybe this is bias because Supernatural was really what got me to watch every other genre show I’ve watched - there are so many, but none of them entirely compare to me? I appreciate and enjoy them, but it’s not the same - the other shows are fun and absolutely had impacts on me, but they never mattered as much. that's likely the indelible power of SPN coming first in my life, in 2005 - things like Buffy and The X-Files existed before and were undeniably influential on the crafting of SPN, but they came into my consciousness later (BTVS in 2008/2009, The X-Files in 2015, when SPN had been a part of my life for an entire decade) - but it was also because the boys felt like they WERE the lore to me, more so than the monsters they hunted, they were the legend that was being woven, being passed by word of mouth from one tale to the next. the places changed, but they carried through. the path wound forward and we followed them along it. neon motel signs and rolling fields, flashlight beams falling across a tombstone, rings of salt, sparks from a match - that was evanescent. they left it behind them each time, but they were the constant.

my heart was planted with those boys in their car on the open road, and the specific yearning and eeriness and complexity, from the pilot. maybe it was timing and what I was going through, that I needed something that much and it hit a particular place with grief and longing themes to me that I needed to have, I don’t know. there are so many complex reasons why I latched onto it, so many reasons why it was Dean (which I've definitely addressed many times, in countless ways), so many reasons why it was Sam and Dean together as integral pieces.

I don’t go back to episodes of others shows, even ones I like rewatching, to feel...what I feel with Dean specifically, and with Sam and Dean and all they encompass. people knew this about me (family, some friends that I don’t have contact with anymore) way back in 2005/06/07, and thought it was strange because of the way my “femininity” and emotionality/sensitivity have always been viewed (and devalued lol), because they saw the surface image of two hot guys fighting monsters and didn’t get it. I was already long obsessed with spookiness and Romanticism and gothic horror and deconstructions of heroic characters, but how to explain I saw all those things in the show? the folklore is such a huge part of it. there’s a unique sense of passing stories (and their baggage, the generational trauma and the inextricable bonds of light) on. a unique sense of bereftness, which doesn’t sound like it should be comforting, but that had such an effect on me. the isolation, the shadowy spaces, the visible breath, the headlights in the night, and these two boys filling up all its edges. the aesthetics, the symbolism. the questions about faith and reason and meaning. maybe it’s because I lived in constant fear and isolation when it started too, before I adjusted to that. maybe it’s because I’ve thought of myself as a ghost for so long. whatever the reason, that was all so formative. (hence why seeing it desecrated was more than a “I’m mad this fictional thing I like got ruined and was sad at the end,” and was more a “they violated something personally dear to me and murdered someone I love most in front of my eyes” kind of reaction).

nothing will ever be quite like it again, because nothing else is going to explore loss and connection, trauma and adriftness, love and desperate need, vengeance laced with empathy, violence succumbing to tenderness, the way they did. imperfect, silly and camp at times, problematic at others, sure, but that's not the point. it was not prestige™ television because it wasn't supposed to be, and there's a real pretentiousness surrounding that which bothers me, that insinuates that the practice of episodic television slowly building its pieces is lesser, when it's simply different, much like comparisons of "scholarly" literature to folklore in the past. the medium of television may be the same, but the method isn't and shouldn't have to be, if we think of the vast array and mosaic of how any form of storytelling is presented.

what made them fascinating and worthwhile was the soul of it. genre shows, especially monster-of-the-week shows where we get that rich development and the luxury of time with the characters, are fading away completely. keeping things as tight as possible actually reduces the imaginative aspects, compresses that folklore. they had so much space to exist, to feel lived in and real to us, to walk in our minds in interesting ways. the passion and attachment that came with them is an almost primal thing, because it comes from such a human place. the spinning of stories.

they felt like those whispers in the night, to tell by firelight, glinting in the dark. something with fear and love in it, both a dire warning and a protective amulet to hold onto. they are ghosts now, really. they’ll never disappear. they haunt every frame of 327 episodes. they’re ghosts with us too, held to us with that invisible string.

I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs..and I knew you’d come back to me - there are lyrics for them everywhere on that album, and I keep giving them double meaning within and without the narrative. (aside, since I wrote this seven months ago, I guess it was inevitable that I would make this post?) passed down like folk songs, the love lasts so long.

I’d rather think of them as ghosts than as gone, and that’s probably not kind of me due to what that means in their world, but they beckon us back in spite of ourselves. when someone tells you a place is haunted, don't go in - but of course we do. we surrender to it. ghost story, love story. same thing, really. both undying. their spirits are too strong to be put to rest or made silent. even as an echo, the heart keeps beating.

[supertransural]

Beyond the Mat, sort of meta?

Ok so for some personal context, I’ve been rewatching all of Supernatural and i have the firm intention to keep the show on repeat on my computer/tv until i’ve fully binged it 15 times (never fear, I am already perfectly aware of how bad a decision this is). I wrote this post with a frantic need to get all the thoughts out, but it happened to be 3am at the time, and I realized I had to make gifs and upload them which was obviously too much work for a sleep deprived brain. I put it off until the next day, but ended up procrastinating and now it's been sitting in my drafts for 3 months and I thought hey this is a good time to finish it up (it could be argued that i'm polishing up this thing at 5am and this doesn't seem to be an issue for my will to get this done this time around, although I am heavily caffeinated so maybe that has something to do with it, go figure).

Anyways that’s besides the point. At the time I had just gotten to 11x15, Beyond the Mat. I’ve seen people write a lot about how parallels between Sam and Dean’s love lives/interests are part of the subtext about Dean’s bisexuality. I’ve also read people's works about how Gunner is pretty obviously one of Dean’s youth celebrity crushes. But (and I might just be a bit blind or haven’t looked hard enough) I haven’t seen a lot about the parallel between Sam/Rio and Dean/Gunner.

So let's get down to business, shall we?

The scene I will be focusing on starts out with Dean utterly star struck, sort of mumbling awkwardly his reasoning for coming up to Gunner (x) (x). Interestingly enough, Sam does the exact same thing with Rio (x) (x), while Dean is in the other corner clasping Gunner's hand for way too long and way too tight, and giving him the “i’ve loved you ever since i met you” look (x) (x).

Now since Sam’s crush is strictly heterosexual and we all know Sam’s interest in women, he outright says it to Rio (this is, after all, the CW) (x) (x). Dean on the other hand doesn’t verbalize it in so many words (the CW), but cmon... That fluster when Gunner winks at him later on?? (x) (let's not forget the little leg pat (x) that is probably still etched in Dean's memory amongst the 20 best things that ever happened to him, behind the previously-mentioned-wink and the Cartwright Twins) Or his reaction to Gunner patting his arm, "ok ok don't panic, it's not like your childhood crush just touched you oh wait". And Literally His Unwavering Smile The Whole Way Through. Jacting choices, people, Jacting choices (x).

Sam saves himself by steering the conversation towards a type of "where are they now?" interview, and Rio follows his not-so-subtle attempt, with a heavily implied tint of nostalgia for the good old days (x). Dean pulls a very similar stunt, mentioning something about his and Gunner's past (x) (x). Rio and Gunner's faces in those clips resemble each other quite a great deal: the emotion is the same, regret.

I really love that parallel because it’s really just “in your face”. You see Dean getting all flustered, at that point you could still say “hey i love [insert celebrity] and i don’t have a crush on them, but i’d probably still react that way around them”. (First of all, if I were you, I'd go on a journey of soul searching because hello, it’s ok to have crushes on celebrities you wish you didn’t, we’ve all been 12 and we’ve all seen Twilight and we’re all ashamed, and second of all, would you really and I mean really react that same way?) But then, enters Sam and his old crush, from the same field, basically the same time period, the same place and roughly the same "community". And it’s an unapologetic crush, not just a “hhhahaha i loved your uh.... your work.... as a uh kid haha.....”. Nonono. He says it, he tells her that he “used” (i’m not sure it’s completely gone, just like Dean) to have a crush on her. And then boom, parallel.

The way the two interact with both “celebrities” isn’t that different, if anything, Sam is less awkward around Rio than Dean is with Gunner. I’m betting the reason why is that since Sam’s crush is a woman, he has 1: talked about it openly before with his family (a poster of your crush on your wall is a good way to do that) and 2: talked to other crushes like her before. Dean, for obvious reasons, has not. Not a man, maybe some girlfriends, but he was never open (specifically not to John) about a potential crush he had on the big wrestler man in the ring, because he’s supposed to be this manly manly ladies man. He’s much more awkward because he hasn’t had much of an opportunity to talk to his crushes that might have been men, so the entire ordeal is wayyy more foreign to him. And he was also just a fan, so the whole “oh my god oh my god” of the crush is added to the already existing “oh my god oh my god” of his inner (and outer let's not kid ourselves) fanboy self.

Dean’s reaction is incidentally very similar to the one he has in the Fat Spa in 9x13, The Purge, with the character called Larry, Maritza’s husband. Dean’s awkward, goes too far, slightly flustered, and he’s pretty clearly not thrown off because of Maritza in that interview room, his gaze is mostly going from Sam to Larry then back to Sam. He lightly brushes over Maritza but barely looks at her (x) (x).

I’d also like to point out that when Gunner enters the stage, there���s a hint at a bi flag created by the light show, blink and you'll miss it (x). But then again that could just be the fact that those lights look pretty together and I'm completely insane. I’m not going to push that one too far, but since Gunner winks at Dean after that, which as I said before, makes Dean look adorably happy and flustered..... Take that as you will.

There's a thousand other scenes relevant to Dean being very blatantly bi-coded in Beyond the Mat (seriously, it's almost as obvious as the siren episode) but I really just wanted to focus on the parallel this time. I might go even more in depth on that episode (or do it bit by bit) if I ever find the will to make more gifs and string intelligible words together to create coherent sentences, and give off the impression of a sane mind. Might even throw in some The Purge meta for fun. Yes my definition of fun is quite warped.

[mewtwowarrior]

Now that I've got the second draft of that section of Ark’s backstory out of the way and I’ve rewatched Tron: Uprising, I’ve finally figured out how to resolve the end of this particular part of her story.

I thought of this when I couldn’t sleep and I typed it on my phone, so it’s pretty rough around the edges. The part I wrote yesterday has been in my mind for months, so it’s had way longer to cook than this part has, so this part isn’t nearly as polished.

I feel like it’s pretty clunky, but, at least I wrote something and got it out there. I can definitely edit and rewrite it later to make it better.

-

First drafts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 

Second drafts: Part 1 | Part 2 version 1 (you are here) | Part 2 version 2

Final draft: Combined Parts

-

Over time, Beck and Tron encounter Ark again and again. Each time she shows up, they mark her location and a pattern starts to become clear.

All of the places she's appeared at are starting to make a circle around an area.

It's clear that she's being used to lead them into a trap, but there's no telling when the final step will be.

Tron gestures at the map, "If we can figure out where she's leading us before she gets there." Beck realizes where he's going with this and adds, "We can spring the trap before they set it."

From there, the plan is put into motion. They split up, going into the city separately, but still close together. One of them will fight Ark when she shows up, while the other one discretely follows her when she flees. They have to be careful, as if the Occupation figures out that they know what the plan is, then they'll have time to set the trap.

Ark finds Tron first, so Beck gets into position, ready to quietly pursue her back to her headquarters.

When she takes off, Beck stays close behind on a parallel track, trying to keep from being noticed.

As soon as she starts to slow down, Beck does as well, hanging back to observe.

When he spots her go into a building, he memorizes the location and heads back to meet up with Tron to report in.

With the location now known, they start to put together a plan. Ark always waits a while before showing up again, so if they strike shortly after she appears and retreats, they should be able to go in and grab her without grabbing the attention that would be there once the Occupation's trap is set.

So, they wait, preparing everything they need. With Ark being rectified, she's not going to come along willingly, so they plan on taking several different ways of subduing her.

Like usual, Ark shows up again, they fight her and she retreats. But, this time, shortly after she does so, they follow after her.

The building is large, so once they sneak in, it's a tricky matter of finding where exactly she's at.

Beck knows the floor that prisoners have been on in other Occupation strongholds, so they head there first.

The floor is dark and nearly empty, except for one holding cell that has an active barrier.

As they get closer, it's clear that the prisoner is Ark, who is blankly standing in the middle of the cell.

Even as Beck quickly deactivates the barrier, Ark doesn't react in the slightest.

Despite this, Tron quietly uses a low voltage stun device to knock her out and scoops her up, carrying Ark in his arms.

Beck leads the way back, but as they near their chosen exit, they're stopped by Paige.

"You! What are you doing here?" She notices the scarred and unconscious program in Tron's arms, "What did you do to her?"

Beck shook his head, "We didn't do anything." Tron cleared his throat, and Beck hastily added, "Okay, we knocked her unconscious, but that's it. The Occupation did the rest. We're just trying to help her, she's the only reason why we're here."

Paige eyed the two masked programs with matching circuits, weighing her options. As a medic, she wanted that program to get help, but as a member of the Occupation, she couldn't trust these Renegades. She doubted that the Occupation had done this damage to their own program, but it was strange for the Renegades to risk kidnapping a low-rank soldier she had never seen before. That, and if this program was important enough, there was likely some kind of tracking device on her. If the Renegades brought her back to their base, then the Occupation could track them to their lair. Letting them go could be a win-win situation, but she had to make it look legit.

She drew her disc and went after the closest Renegade, "I don't know why you'd help somebody on my side."

Beck quickly blocked her attack and yelled to Tron, "Go! We're almost there, I'll catch up!"

Ark in hand, and trusting Beck, Tron left him to his battle.

Beck and Paige fought back and forth, until Beck saw his opening and just ran for it, disappearing into the city.

Tron was aware that there might be some sort of way the Occupation could track Ark, so him and Beck had set up a temporary base in the city.

Once Ark was secure, Beck got to work inspecting her disc, "I'm not sure how much I can do, but it won't hurt for me to give it a look."

He took off her disc and attached his wrench to it. To his surprise, it worked much like when he used it on a light cycle. Unfortunately, everything looked far different than he was used to.

There seemed to be layers of code, the top, and easiest to get to, was the Occupation code, but, underneath that, a few parts from the original code seemed to be coming up.

Tilting his head, Beck touched one of the older pieces of code to see what would happen.

Both him and Tron watched in horror as it showed them shaky and scattered memories of Ark being tortured.

Beck looks away, "The scars...these memories, they kept them with her for a reason."

Tron narrowed his eyes, "Likely so that she'd know what would happen if she disobeyed or failed."

Beck shook his head, "Maybe there's something else we can use to bring her back... Hey, she responded when you said her name, I wonder if there's some memory that it activates."

Tron looked over at Ark, "She's still out, so we'll have to try that later."

Beck nodded and continued poking around Ark's disc. After a while, he shook his head, "Something's wrong, but I'm not sure what. Things just aren't connecting how they look like they should be..."

That thought got put on hold as Ark started to wake up and stare straight ahead.

Tron nodded to Beck, then walked around to stand in front of Ark.

Beck got Ark's disc display back to the main area, then nodded to Tron.

Tron spoke quietly to her, "Ark, you're safe now, you're not with the Occupation any more."

Her eyes widened at this for a moment, but then her expression became blank once again.

But, that moment was enough. When she seemed to recognize Tron, a new file popped up and he activated it before it disappeared.

It was an older memory, from back when she was a System Monitor. Apparently, she had just finished an assignment, and Tron was praising her for a job well done.

Beck looked up at Tron, "She must really think a lot of you."

Tron nodded quietly, not saying anything.

Beck drops the topic and continues looking around Ark's disc. After a while, he sighs, "I'm not getting anywhere. I think we need a medic, but, the only one I know of works for the Occupation."

Tron sighs, "If we can't figure something out, we might have to go that route."

Beck nodded, asking Paige to help wasn't exactly an option, but what else could they do?

They took turns staying with Ark and going out into the city.

During one of Beck's outings, Paige is the one that found him. She grabbed him and pulled him aside, "Renegade, how's that friend of yours?"

Beck blinked, "Funny you should ask, there's something wrong with her disc, I think she needs a medic."

Paige looked at the masked program before her, if she played this right, the Renegade could lead her right to his hiding spot.

"If you'll trust me, I can give her a look."

Beck thinks this over, then nods, "Follow me."

Paige couldn't believe what was happening, everything was falling into place.

Beck took her right into their current base, she looked around, "Is this where you've been hiding all along."

He snorted, "You know I can't answer that."

Paige shrugged, "It was worth a try."

The temporary lair was sparse and Beck took her the shortest route to where they were keeping Ark.

Paige found the scene unnerving, the restrained program was just staring off blankly, "...Is she always like this?"

Beck nodded, "Most of the time."

Paige frowned, growing concerned for what that could mean about what happened to this program.

There wasn't time for that, though, she had a job to do.

"So, what do you know about her disc?"

Beck takes off Ark's disc and holds it out to Paige, "The Occupation's programming has taken over most of it. There's a few older memories here and there, but, for the most part, all of her original programming seems to be suppressed. But, the Occupation programming seems to have some odd connections. There's something missing or wrong, but I don't know enough to tell you what that could be."

Paige nods and takes a look for herself, everything seemed to be as Beck said. She avoided the memories for now, there was no need to be sentimental.

The more she saw of the modified disc, the more uncomfortable she was at the idea that the Occupation had done this to this program.

She tried to not think about it as she looked for the problem.

The programmed was bypassing something, but what? Finally, she found the answer in a severely burnt out energy processor.

There wasn't much that could do that kind of damage and on a hunch, she went to look at the memory fragments to see if they revealed the answer.

She got more than one answer, as she saw an Occupation program torturing the restrained program with bursts of electricity.

Even after the memory's playback ended, Paige stared at the disc. The Renegades had been right, the Occupation had done this to this program. But, why?

There's no answers in this memory cluster, and the only other one is far too old to be related.

With a look of determination, Paige went back to the damaged energy processor and slowly repaired it. It's not something she's done often and the work is somewhat tricky, so it takes a while.

Once that's done, she resyncs the disc to the program and takes a break.

Beck doesn't know what she's doing and thinks she's finished, "Thank you for your help."

"I'm not done yet. My patient still has code preventing her from functioning normally."

Beck was surprised at this, but his expression was completely hidden behind his mask.

Paige spends some time thinking over the challenges that await her with the overridden disc, she's never encountered a problem quite like this.

Once she's ready, she goes back at this disc again. She watches the older memory with Tron, but it contains no answers.

She digs through all the code and files, poking and prodding methodically, learning how the overlaid code works with everything.

Paige looks at different options and settings, she thinks she finds a solution when she spots that the newer code is set to default. However, she can't turn it off and reactivate the older code.

Grumbling in frustration, she investigates a few different things before turning to the bypass that was added to go around the damaged energy processor.

She tries a few different things before connecting it to the remaining older memories.

Going back to the defaults, she found that this extra connection had opened up the options.

Working quickly, she set the original programming to be the main and deactivated the newer code bit by bit, locking it out.

When she's done, Paige double-checks her work, then hands the disc to Beck. "This should fix her. There's still...unwanted code, but it shouldn't cause any more problems. I have to go."

She quickly and quietly leaves, she's got a lot to think about.

Beck looks to Tron, "That went better than I expected."

Tron deactivated his helmet with a frown, "That is, if this works."

Beck removed his helmet as well, "I think it will. She seemed like she wanted to help and was shaken by what the Occupation did to Ark."

Tron nods, "I hope you're right."

He walked over to stand in front of Ark, "Go ahead and sync her disc."

Beck gives him a nod and places Ark's disc on her dock.

It takes some time for the extensive changes to take place, but, after what seemed like an eternity of waiting, her eyes flickered as the sync finished up.

Ark looks around in confusion, but sees Tron standing in front of her.

She gasps, "You were right, it was a trap. I'm sorry." The waves of memories keep coming, "Wait...the last thing I remember is they did something to my code...and then it all went dark. You fixed me?"

Beck came around and stood next to Tron. Tron put his hand on his shoulder, "A friend of Beck's was able to repair what the Occupation did to you."

Ark smiled, "Thank you. Judging by your circuits, we've got the same job, so I think we're going to get along."

Beck returned her smile, "I think we will, too."

Tron goes around and releases Ark from her restraints, "We've all got a lot of catching up to do."

[bubble-tae]

Aesthetic Tag!

I was tagged by the lovely @baepsaesbae ! This tag was so cute, I love it so much. I didn’t expect to get as many edgy ones as I did lol

I swear to god I thought I posted this and it’s been sitting in my drafts 🥴

Soft 10/20

baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal | fun nails | rewatching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night |

Dark Academia 10/20

neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story |

Edgy 9/20

closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humor | accidentally very dramatic | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks |

70s 11/20

colorful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | DIYing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding |

Preppy casual 5/20

collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time | frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colourful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairylights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details |

not gonna tag anyone, but if you do this let me know what your highest was!

[starlightshore]

im kinda want to get into this sort of thing so is it okay to ask u a few questions? if not just delete this, but here goes? would u reccomend game maker studio 2, and how hard is it to use in ur opinion? and is there anything u wish u knew at the beginning of making ur fangame?

aw anon you’re so sweet! don’t worry about asking about this, its really exciting to make games and trying new things! i would not say i’m an expert, and i wouldn’t even say i know gml like. at all. i just understand a how the code is used, but now what the code itself is or what to type exactly. like, i understand the theory more so than actually doing it. which is, eh, fine? i’m getting by, and i’m still learning. i’ve only been using gms 2 for 2 months now.

also, i’m using a fangame engine! i feel its kinda like cheating lmao, but its just meant to be a framework to build your own thing off of. and i still need to learn gms2 to use it, and i plan on doing more advanced and complicated things (ie: changing how battles even work structurally.) so. i’m not good at gsm2 yet, but uh, really once you understand coding its not any harder than i’d imagine w/ other professional game engines. compared to unity, i like this better because it seems built on the idea of making 2d sprite games. its SO much more simpler and the userface (while. i’m not a fan of how it has its workspace but whatever) is simple and easy to grasp.

i can’t say for certain if i recommend game maker. its very pricey and doesn’t go on sale often. (big sales i mean, it goes on 15% somewhat frequently) i really, really recommend doing your research first. 

so here i talk about what game engines i’ve used over the last year. (also i hear Godot is good!)

at the end of that post i said this: “TLDR; figure out what kind of game and story you want to tell/make. i could of saved a year’s worth of work if i just sat myself down and realized i wanted to make a completely new fangame separate from my old blog stuff. and that i wanted to make an rpg specifically.“

and so! past me has good advice. figure out the scope and what story do you want to tell. with AL, I know it has 2 chapters, and rn i’m only concentrating on chapter 1. chp 1 has 7 nights and one area where you fight enemies. its very story/character driven and is more so like. a deconstruction of the rpg genre than an actual rpg game. (i know that the word deconstruction is over used as hell, but it is what this is.)

it builds off the themes of the original, while focusing on things that i want to focus on and develop. ut, at it’s heart, is about stories and grief, i’m just taking it to a different extreme and angle.

uh, anyway, i really wish i knew what i wanted to make and understood the source material more and what i wanted to make. i’ve. thought really really hard over what UT means, what message toby was trying to convey, how he did it and what I thought about it. understanding what YOU want from and for your project is the most important thing. WHY do you want to make this? WHAT do you want people to feel and think about when playing? or even, after playing? it doesn’t have to be super deep either.

so, figure out what you what to make, and then you can work on the how. really plan your story, but honestly i wouldn’t recommend planning it in super big details right off. also, super helpful to have a friend help you brainstorm and plot check things for you. (shout out to my friend the sniffer

anyway, don’t plan things TOO detailed because things are GOING to change no matter how well you plan! just try to get get an outline done, then rewrite it 5 more times and then MAYBE you’ll be ready to tackle a more detailed version. then write it 5 more times. i can’t stress enough how important planning is, and how you shouldn’t expect everything to work out even on draft 10! things will work, and when they do, draft 10 is going to look like bad awful nonsense cause you’re at draft 20 now and everything is much more coherent and better. games aren’t written or consumed all at once on the fly. its not a piece of fanart, a fanfic, a comic. its not updated more than once. its out, and then its just out. plan for it.

and real quick, don’t worry about art assets! depending on how you do the art, that’s most likely going to change and its going to be polished LAST. i could go more into how you should think of art when game developing, but thats another topic. just. honestly use shitty art assets and worry about it later.

kris’ place holder sprite for deltarune ^ it don’t need to be pretty, it needs to be practical.

second advice: start SMALL!!! i feel i should of done this, and frankly i probably will have to sit down and do this lmao, basically, you should make boring small games to learn the basics. I know, i know, nobody really wants to recreate asteroid when you got big ideas of making stories and animations u wanna make. but like. you really need to figure out how the program works and how the code works in theory and practice.

ok so like, think of coding like this. i got this from a skillshare video series, so uh. i’m going to retell this but in a shittier and likely less nuanced way. sorry

ok so imagine. you’re telling this guy who is trying to get to Gary’s house. now, Gary’s house is just down the road, few houses down, now, you can tell this guy that and he’ll likely find the house just fine. but if you’re telling a robot it’s not going to understand what “down the road” means. what road? how long? it needs instructions that are simple and work in a language it understands.

so you tell the robot “go down two houses, stop at sign until x seconds pass, turn right, go forward 1 house, turn ect. stop at house, ring doorbell. IF Gary answers, go inside; ELSE: do not go inside, wait;

so this what i mean by understanding the theory behind the code rather than the code itself. yes there’s complexities and differences in each language, but they’re ALL based on the same concepts. different program languages are less like different speech languages, but rather different dialects of the same. (uh, like us english vs uk english) its just different rules and “spellings” of the same core concepts.

next advice: don’t be afraid to ask for help! but also! do so within reason! if people are OPEN for helping, be sure do so in the right environment and within what time works for them. compensate people for the time and effort if you can. ALWAYS try to figure out the solution yourself first. often with coding, it can be a simple solution that you could of thought of yourself if you took the initiative to. google is your friend, youtube is your friend! (ok, youtube isn’t, but in this case! yes!) the answer might not always be easy to find, and its perfectly fine to look for help but its good to at least try on your own first!

speaking of which! LEARN LEARN LEARN! be ready to devote A LOT of time to watching and reading about game development. this goes to every game making program, not just gms2. i watch. so many videos on gms. i rec having the video play at 1.5x or 2x speed to cut down time. obvs you still need to retain the information, so speed might be not a good idea then. and its REALLY GOOD to pause and type out the code and follow along. but its also good to just understand the concepts, and theres no harm in rewatching once you’ve understood it  better at a different speed.

things WILL click and work out for you, and its going to be a very time consuming and long journey to get there. i LOVE making this game and telling this story but I also had no idea what i was getting into! and i probably will have more advice once i’m further in, (i’ve only used gms 2 for 2 months!) but thats the best i can say for now! i hope you pursue your dreams and start making things!!! you can do it!!! 

the best time to start is yesterday, the second best time is right now! even if you put a little effort into it everyday, you’ll  build up progress and you can learn SO MUCH over time and theres this whole world of possibilities out there! the world NEEDS your story and your perspective, and i think creating it in anyway you can is necessary for humanity! your work will mean something to someone someday, and i am so excited for you to start your journey!