#point being is that the top three people octavian likely cared about the most were going to be people with very deep connections

[navree]

casuals from the dragon show watching domina for tom glynn carney (and by all means, bask with me in the wasted casting) means i now see takes about "team scribonia" vs "team livia" like, imma be real neither scribonia nor livia were making it to the top three of people octavian cared about most, and i say that as someone who finds his relationship with both interesting on their own merits

[gatesofember]

The Sun Palace

PJO Arranged Marriage/Royalty AU Part 3

Rating: T | Pairing: Solangelo

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Summary: After meeting with the Prince, Will travels home to tell his family the good news. Will loves his family, even if they are a bit...eccentric. For one thing, there's the complicated web that is his father's love life. For another, there are his older siblings, who tease him mercilessly, and his younger siblings, who are rarely up to any good. But even if his family is a bit odd, they will always love and support him

....and then there's Octavian.

Will and Artemis had intended to leave in the fall, before the cold made travel difficult, but the sudden arranged meeting with the Prince had delayed their departure until later in the season.  It took longer than usual to leave Pluto because of the cold weather and Diana was far across the Jupiter, in the southeastern corner of the empire.  The duchy of Ceres was near Diana, a little to the southwest, and Artemis had intended to travel there after seeing Will to Diana so that she could be present for the annual Chronalia festivities.  As a result of their lateness, Artemis took Will to Ceres with her.  She sent Apollo a letter notifying him it would be about a week before they arrived in Phoebus, but neglected to inform him about Will’s success in securing a fiancé, and forbade Will from doing so, as well.  She wanted to see his reaction to the news in person.

Ceres, being a duchy with a primarily agricultural economy, always held the largest and most exuberant celebrations for the Chronalia harvest festival.  Hundreds of people from across the Juvian Empire traveled southward to attend.  There was always plenty of food from the harvest, games and competitions, and the entire festival was dedicated to Chronos, the protogenos of time, to thank him for a successful harvest season.  Artemis always tried to be present at major celebrations like the Ceres Chronalia festival.

Artemis encouraged Will to enjoy himself at the festival, and he did.  He entered the foot-racing competition and ended third, then he helped Artemis lure Thalia into having a bit of fun when she wasn’t on guard duty.  At the feast, Will ate until he couldn’t eat anymore; there were various kinds of meat, vegetables, and fruit—like pomegranates, which he had been nervous to try before he’d eaten one to impress the Prince.

Will wrote to Prince Nico during his stay, describing Ceres and the Chronalia festival.  He wasn’t quite sure what was appropriate to write and he wasted a few sheets of paper before he was satisfied with his letter.  He wanted to tell Nico about how happy their meeting had made him and how much he was looking forward to seeing him again.  Would that be too forward?  Will had a hard time remaining focused and refined when he thought about the Prince; he always found himself to be far too excited.  He ended up settling for writing, “I hope to receive word from you soon,” as that seemed suitable and communicated his excitement about their new relationship, and sent the letter off.

Really, Will was beyond the point of excitement.  He was going to be engaged to marry Nico, the Duke of Angelus and Crown Prince of Pluto—how could he not be?

By the time Will arrived in Diana, it was already winter.  The golden fields of tall grass were dusted with frost and the roads, not designed for such cold weather, were slippery.  As they rode through Phoebus, Will saw people peering out of buildings and stopping to gawk at the Matestra’s carriage.  Will recognized a few faces—not many, as Phoebus was a large city and he didn’t spend as much time there as he did in his childhood, but some.  He poked his head out and waved to a few passersby, and they waved back, recognizing him as the Duke’s consor son.

“I will see you in and talk to your father before I leave for Delphi,” Artemis said when Will ducked his head back inside the carriage.  Delphi, located just outside of Phoebus, was almost an entire down on its own: the grounds included the main Sororal estate, beautiful gardens, a massive theater, and even a few taverns where visitors could find food, in addition to the usual shrines and temples to the protogenoi that could be found on all Sororal grounds.  The Gardens of Delphi, which referred to the grounds as a whole, was a popular vacation spot for the Juvian nobility.  Delphi was a great supporter of the arts; firework shows were put on nearly every night and there were always travelling acts who came to perform music, dance, or act in the theater or even in the gardens themselves.  As the Matestra, Artemis would stay in the Sororal residence with the Soror Princepa of Delphi, Rachel, but would return to Phoebus to visit Will and his family.

Apollo’s palace was sometimes called the Sun Palace—and with good reason.  It stood on the outskirts of Pheobus, and the grounds covered a great deal of land that included not only Apollo’s gardens, but also farmland and ranches where many citizens of Pheobus worked.  The Sun Palace itself, however, was one of the most stunning structures ever built, in Will’s opinion.  Although only three stories tall and simply rectangular in shape, the Sun Palace served as a testament to the wealth of Diana.  The exterior walls were stunningly white, and the ornately carved molding along the windows, the staircase leading to the main floor, and each corner of the building was gilded and gleamed when the sun shined against the palace.  It was positioned in a location that received a great deal of sunlight and was far enough away from the center of town that no shadows fell on its walls.

A paved roadway curved around a large fountain in front of the palace, and as Artemis’ carriage pulled up, a few groomsmen stood ready to care for the horses.  The front facade of the palace featured a grand staircase leading to the main floor, and Will could see his parents and siblings gathered at the top, watching as the carriage came to a halt.  Lee was carrying Kayla, who was only six, so that she could see, and Austin, who was thirteen, was leaning so far over the railing that he looked like he was about to topple over.  When Will stepped out of the carriage, all of his siblings raced down the staircase to meet him.  Michael, Will’s second oldest brother, was the first.  He was followed by Austin and Lou Ellen, Lee’s wife.  Lee and Kayla arrived last, as Kayla had tried to make Lee carry her the whole way before he finally set her down because she was getting too heavy.

When Michael slung his arm around Will’s shoulders and ruffled his hair, Will had to stoop down a bit to meet his height.  “Ouranos’ baubles, you’ve gotten tall!” he said.  Will supposed he had—he’d grown a few inches since he’d last seen his family the spring before.

“You took too long!” Kayla pouted.  She and Austin grappled Will’s waist in an aggressive hug.  “I barely remember you!”

“My most sincere and remorseful apologies, Kayla,” Will said.  “I promise I’ll make it up to you!”  In truth, when Kayla had been younger, she had forgotten him several times because Will was away so often.  Now, she was old enough to remember him, but Will still felt sorry that he wasn’t always there to see her grow up.

“You’ve got a lot to tell us, sir,” Lee said, giving him a hug while Will’s sister-in-law kissed his cheeks in greeting.  “But first off, we are desperate to hear how your meeting with the Prince went.”

All five pairs of eyes looked up at him curiously, and Will could only blush and smile shyly.

His siblings erupted with shouts of victory.  Kayla screamed and Austin started crying.  Will thought he saw Lou Ellen slip Michael a silver coin.  Lee hugged Will so hard that he lifted his feet off the ground and Will had to beg for release so he could breathe.

“He did it!” Lee shouted towards Apollo and Daphne, who were still at the top of the staircase.  Chiron was there, too, along with Will’s cousin and Apollo’s ward, Octavian.

After greeting their aunt almost as enthusiastically, the siblings ushered Will up the staircase to meet their parents.  “Is Hyacinthus not here?” Will asked Michael in a whisper, noticing his absence.  Apollo was rarely seen without his courtesan.

“He’s with Zephyros,” Michael whispered back.  “Don’t talk to Pa about it.  He’s a bit sensitive.”

Will nodded in understanding.  Apollo and Hyacinthus both had additional lovers, but their only serious, long-term romance was with each other.  Hyacinthus’ relationship with Zephyros, Earl of Favonius, was becoming quite steady and, apparently, Apollo wasn’t entirely comfortable with that.  Will liked Hyacinthus—everyone did.  He hoped that Apollo and Hyacinthus would be able to work everything out before something went wrong.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Austin suddenly said, pushing between Michael and Will without warning.  “They’ve been putting me on Octavian Duty.”

Will sighed.  If there was one thing he dreaded every time he went home, it was Octavian Duty.

Apollo hugged Will even more tightly than Lee had, but Daphne’s embrace was gentler and she kissed his forehead before Chiron welcomed him home and offered his congratulations.

“It is good to see you again, cousin,” Octavian greeted, although he appeared to be trying very hard to look bored.  “It’s good to know that another rationally-minded, decent person will be living in this little house for a while.”

Octavian made it no secret that Will was his favorite cousin.  Perhaps it was because Will wasn’t home as often as his siblings and Octavian hadn’t worn through Will’s politeness quite yet.  Will hated offending people, even people as petty and haughty as Octavian.  If the rest of his siblings had their way, Octavian wouldn’t be living with them, but Apollo was Octavian’s legal guardian and, as a consequence, Octavian had to stay.

“It’s good to see you, too, Octavian,” Will replied politely.

Supper was prepared shortly after their arrival and they ate in the dining hall while Artemis updated Apollo and Daphne on her conversations with the King about Will’s pending betrothal.  At the other end of the table, Kayla and Octavian were arguing about something that had Lee, Michael, and Lou Ellen red in the face from holding back laughter.  Austin enthusiastically informed Will about his upcoming piano recital in Delphi, and Will promised that he would be in Phoebus to attend.  Austin was still quite resentful about Will missing his last recital.

Following supper, Artemis and her party left so that they would make it to Delphi’s Sororal estate before it became late, taking with them some of Apollo’s horses to give her own a rest.  After seeing her off, Will and his family gathered in his father’s largest drawing room and they asked him about his meeting with the Prince.  Kayla busied herself with her blocks, being far too busy to pay attention to the adults talk about boring things.  Austin sat with her on the floor—although they were far apart in age, they were the two youngest and had always had a special bond—while Lee, Michael, and Lou Ellen sat together on one of the couches and Apollo and Daphne took their own seats on opposite sides of the room.

Chiron entered the room along with the family, wheeling in on a chair that Will had designed with his friend, Leo.  Leo was another consor who specialized in engineering, and when Chiron’s knee troubles led him to have difficulty walking several years before, Leo and Will had worked together until they designed a seat on wheels.  It wasn’t the first wheelchair to be invented, but they had made it much more convenient, adding the ability for the seated individual to propel themselves without assistance.  The design was also made to be cheaper and more accessible to common people, which gave the injured and elderly more mobility, and Will and Leo had received reports that it even provided some opportunities for those populations to seek employment.  When they presented their work at a convention in Venadica, they were awarded with a stipend to pay for their future research and the development of new products.

“Where to start?” Apollo mused when everyone was settled.  He looked Will over with a delighted expression.  “Well, I suppose that first I should say that I was extremely happy to hear about your meeting from my sister.”

“He was thrilled,” Lee said.

“Elated, really,” Lou Ellen elaborated.

“He cried,” Michael added.

Apollo looked betrayed and turned back to Will.  “That is not at all what happened—you know how prone those three are to exaggeration.”

Daphne scoffed.  Apollo pretended not to notice.

“Don’t listen to him, he absolutely cried,” Austin piped up as he passed Kayla a square shaped block.

“He was bawling, to be honest,” Michael said.

“He wept tears of pure joy, and he carried the letter around with him for days,” Lee said dramatically.

Apollo frowned.  “Now that is a lie—”

“It’s not,” Daphne cut in.  “He sometimes took it out to stare at it.”

“And then he’d cry again,” Austin added.

“He cried lots,” Kayla affirmed, laying down blocks for the walls of a model house.

“Sobbed, more accurately,” Michael said helpfully.  “Huge, convulsing sobs that made the entire estate tremor.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he tickled Gaea’s—”

“Lord Michael, your language, if you please,” Chiron chided.

“Yes, Lord Chiron,” Michael said dully, like he was still a child and Chiron was still his tutor.

“Really, Uncle,” Octavian drawled, “the scene you caused was quite excessive.”

Michael immediately whirled around to face his cousin, having apparently forgotten about Chiron’s warning a moment before.  “Don’t talk about my father like that, you puny, ungrateful d—”

“Lord Michael,” Chiron scolded, and Michael sat up politely and mumbled out a yes, sir.

“In any case, this is all a complete exaggeration,” Apollo said.  “Wouldn’t you say, Lord Chiron?”

Chiron cleared his throat.  “I’m afraid I found the description rather accurate, Your Grace.”

Apollo looked lost for a moment, but then Kayla reached out and patted his knee.  “It’s fine, Papa, I cried, too.”  

Apollo’s expression warmed.  “Thank you, dear,” he said, looking much more chipper.  “In any case, Lord Chiron, I would like to hear your thoughts.”

“I hardly think much is required to be discussed, Your Grace,” Chiron answered.  “The Prince of Pluto wishes to negotiate his betrothal to Lord William.  That being said, I would like point out that Pluto is struggling economically.  They will require a substantial dowry.”

“I will pay it,” Apollo said.

“And there is the Prince’s reputation to consider,” Chiron added.

Will frowned.  “To be frank, Lord Chiron, I am the only one present who has met the Prince.  I believe my testimony is more reliable than that of rumors.  I admit that at first, I feared His Highness was disinterested in me, but he continued to meet with me for hours every day, and, at the end of my stay, he told me that he thought a marriage between us could ‘work quite well.’”

“And he wasn’t as nasty as the rumors say?” Austin asked, looking up from Kayla’s model block-house, which was steadily turning into a block-mansion.

“Not at all!” Will said.  “He’s quite kind.  Stern, but kind.  The Matestra thinks he is kind, as well.”

“Will, you have admired the Prince since you were six years old,” Apollo said.  “Are you certain you are thinking clearly?”

Apollo looked more solemn than Will normally saw him.  His father took the subject of marriage quite seriously, especially when it came to finding spouses for his children.  They had found Lou Ellen for Lee after an extensive search followed by a long period of courting.  Michael still hadn’t found a serious suitor.  Apollo was determined to arrange perfect matches with people his children could form friendships with, and Lou Ellen fit in with his family perfectly.  She was between Lee and Michael in age, and the three of them quickly became friends.  Lou took on the role of older sister for the youngest siblings so easily that Will often wondered how he’d ever thought the family was complete without her.  

Will suspected that Apollo took the subject of courting so seriously partly because of his own failed marriage.  He’d chosen Daphne on a whim of passion, not because of her wealth or status or because they formed a friendship that they could build a family on.  On one of the rare occasions he opened up about his marriage, Apollo told Will that he had been smitten with Daphne, arranging their betrothal before they had really gotten to know each other and without much input from his family.  Daphne had known that Apollo was the best offer she would ever get, so she, with the approval of her own family, agreed to the marriage.  He and Daphne did their best, however; they’d never been able to get along in Will’s memory and avoided each other whenever possible, but they tried not to let their problems impact the family.  Daphne was always good to their children—even the sons who weren’t hers by birth.

Will could understand why Apollo was concerned; with respect to social standing, Will was in a position that was very similar to Daphne’s.  Apollo rarely showed it, but Will knew that he felt responsible for the failure of their relationship.  Apollo wouldn’t want Will to end up in a marriage like his.  Will also knew his father did not want him to make a decision based on fleeting emotion—and while yes, Will could admit that his admiration of the Prince may fog his judgment, Will did not think that his situation was like Apollo’s.  The admiration he felt was not based on passion, as Apollo had described his attraction to Daphne.  Instead, his esteem for Prince Nico came from respect and appreciation—the very feelings that Will had been told were necessary for building a strong marriage.

“I am certain that His Highness is a good man,” he said, recalling the kindness with which the Prince cared for his hound and the gentle way he had spoken to his sister.  If that was the way he treated those closest to him, Will had no doubt that he would make a fine husband.

Chiron folded his hands in his lap and looked Will over thoughtfully.  “And what does your family stand to gain from this marriage?  Very little in terms of economic advantages.”

“Lord Chiron, need I reiterate that a prince has told me that he wishes to marry me?” Will asked.  “This is easily the best offer I will ever receive.  I think it would be foolish not to take it.”

Chiron nodded slowly.  “Indeed, my lord,” he said.  “However, we must continue to take the precautions appropriate for any potential betrothal.”

“We have plenty of questions, and I don’t want you to think we mean to dissuade you from marrying him,” Apollo added.  “We only mean to bring a few concerns to your attention so we know you have thought about it.”

“For one, it is very far from home,” Lee pointed out.  “I fear we won’t have many visits from you.”

Will nodded.  “Yes,” he agreed.  “I am not sure how often I will be able to travel here.  But I will write and do my best to visit, and Lou Ellen is from Pluto; she’s very far from home, as well.”

“Truthfully, Will, it did take me several months to adjust,” Lou Ellen said.  “The weather is different, the people are different, and I was never as close to my family as you are to yours.  It will not be an easy transition.”

“Perhaps not, but I am used to Pluto; I have attended school there for quite some time.  I will miss you all, but we have been able to manage the distance so far.”

“It’s not only distance; have you considered exactly how different Pluto is from Jupiter?” Chiron asked.

“Well, of course; but I have lived in Venadica since I started my schooling,” Will said.

“Venadica has its own culture, Lord William,” Chiron said.  “The rest of Pluto can be very different.”

“Then I suppose I will have to learn,” Will replied.

Octavian suddenly sighed dramatically, as if he felt bored of not being the center of attention.  He was draped across a chaise in front of the fire like he was too exhausted and amazing to deal with the inferiorities of the mundane world.  “I don’t understand,” he said.  “Why is it that Will gets to marry a prince, but I do not?  Aunt Artemis has always favored him.  It’s horribly unfair, wouldn’t you agree, Will?”

Will faltered.  He was a bit sensitive to the fact that Artemis seemed to pay him more attention than his siblings—he always wondered if it made them jealous, and he hated to upset them.  “Um—”

“Octavian, let’s not turn this against Will or Artemis,” Daphne interrupted while Lee, Michael, and Lou Ellen shot Octavian ugly looks.  “Will has brought us wonderful news.  We ought to be happy for him.”

“I am, of course, but this has nothing to do with Will and everything to do with me.  Why am I not engaged to a prince?”

“Maybe because you’re a complete twat,” Michael muttered, softly enough that Octavian couldn’t hear him.

“I have had very few suitors, and none have been satisfactory,” Octavian went on.  “Uncle, you really must do a better job of finding me a fiancé.  Now that Will has been taken care of, you should focus on me—I should have been your first priority, as I am older than our dear Will, but never mind that.  Prince Jason is still a bachelor, is he not?”

“Yes, but Prince Jason is not an option,” Apollo replied tiredly.

“Why not?” Octavian demanded.  “After the fiasco with that girl from Mars who ran off to become a soror—such a scandal that wretched girl caused—don’t you agree that he would be relieved to see me?  I am, of course, exactly what the Prince desires.”

“Prince Jason is looking for a wife, Octavian,” Daphne said.  “Not a husband.  He needs to carry on the royal line with a legitimate heir.”

“Oh, curse my unfortunate anatomy,” Octavian sighed.  “Prince Triton has already married, but what about his younger brother—what was his name?”

“Percy,” Will answered patiently.  “And he is already engaged.”

“Oh, right, to that odd consor girl that Lady Athena took in as a ward.  Deplorable choice of a spouse, if you ask my opinion.”

“We didn’t,” Lou Ellen muttered.

“It appears we’ve run out of princes, Octavian,” Michael sighed.  “Tragic.”

“Truly, it is,” Octavian agreed.  “Especially when you consider that I am perfectly available to court.”

“What about a princess, Octavian?” Austin asked.  “I think Prince Nico has a younger sister, does he not, Will?”

“She is a child,” Octavian hissed before Will could speak.  “Besides, I do not want a wife.  Women are much too bossy and they all think they’re smarter than me.  I find them annoying.”

“As though you aren’t annoying?” Lee said under his breath at the same time that Kayla shouted, “I don’t like you either, Octavian!”  Daphne coughed to cover a laugh, but Lou Ellen didn’t bother to hide a snort.

“Oh, Kayla, hush,” Octavian snapped.  Kayla punched her model mansion in irritation, scattering the blocks across the floor, and scowled at Octavian like his very existence insulted her personally.

“Have you ever considered that all women are smarter than you, Octavian?” Michael drawled.

Octavian looked appalled.  “Of course not!  What a ridiculous suggestion, Michael.  Truly, I hope you jest.  You are made to believe such things because the Sorority only accepts women to study with them officially; it’s dreadful, really, the way it demeans men, wouldn’t you say, Will?”

Will cleared his throat awkwardly.  “I...I can’t say that I’ve ever felt that I was being demeaned in Venadica, no; they are very welcoming to male consors.  But as a general rule, women do tend to seek out and receive a longer and more comprehensive education, so it follows that their intellectual aptitudes—”

Octavian waved a dismissive hand to cut him off, as though Will’s testimony was inconsequential.  “In any case, it’s unfortunate that Prince Nico does not have a brother.  Will, wouldn’t that be lovely?  We would see each other all the time!”

Michael sniggered.

“Uh...I....” Will stumbled.  Sometimes, Will wished he were not so nice.  There were few advantages to being Octavian’s favorite cousin.  Usually, it meant that he was the one sent to deal with him because no one else could bear to be in the same room with him for long.  Will hated being put on Octavian Duty.  “It’s unfortunate, yes.  Quite unfortunate.”

“Well, you must notify me if he desires to take an additional lover.  I would be glad to offer my services.”

Will flushed.  He was certainly not prepared to think about that particular duty of marriage, and not at all inclined to imagine his cousin in such a situation—particularly not with his to-be-fiancé.

“Octavian, I do not believe that Will’s future husband requires your ‘services,’” Apollo said before his two eldest sons could react with inevitable hostility.  Lee, Michael, and Lou Ellen had turned to Octavian in outrage, looking like they were ready to fight for Will’s honor—and Will knew they would.  When Will neglected to defend himself, the three of them were always prepared to do it for him.  Perhaps as a result of Will’s desire to be polite, Octavian had a tendency to say insensitive things to him without fearing repercussions.  Will did not think Octavian was attempting to mock him maliciously; in Will’s opinion, it was more likely that Octavian simply didn’t bother to think of how Will might feel before he spoke.  Lee, Michael, and Lou Ellen tried to get Will to stand up for himself more, but Will felt guilty that Octavian didn’t have a single ally in the family.  Even people like Octavian needed friends, after all.

“For now, I think it is time for us all to retire to bed,” Daphne said.  “We will discuss this more when the Matestra comes tomorrow.”

Will started to get up, but Apollo shook his head.  “Not you, Will.  Everyone else, off to bed.”

“Why does Will get to stay up?” Octavian whined loudly as he followed his cousins out of the room.  “Everything is always about Will Will Will.  I am, of course, the most eligible bachelor of us all—”

“Shut up, Octavian,” Will heard Michael say tiredly, apparently too drained to deal with Octavian any more that evening.  There were a few mumbled agreements, followed by Octavian’s outraged gasp and subsequent lecture on his own eminence and importance until their voices dwindled away.

“Have I done something wrong?” Will asked, turning back to face Chiron and his parents.  Will wasn’t alone with both of his parents very often, even with Chiron there to mediate.  Daphne and Apollo, as a general rule, avoided each other and were rarely seen in the same room without enough people to lessen their obligation to speak to one another.

“No, of course not,” Daphne answered.  “We won’t keep you long; you’ve had a long trip and you deserve some rest.”

“The three of us wanted to talk to you alone,” Apollo explained.  “I hope you realize that we did not mean to question the Prince or your pending betrothal when we spoke before.  We only meant to be sure to understand the situation.”

“We’re going to support you no matter what,” Daphne added.

It was only at times like that when his parents worked well together.  They usually could hardly stand to be near each other, but when it involved their children—illegitimate or not—they became allies.

“Will,” Apollo said seriously.  “Do you want to marry him?”

“Yes, of course I do,” Will answered.  “I’ll never find a match as good as this.  Beyond that, I think I’ll be quite happy with him.”

“Then I will make this happen.  If the King asks me to increase your dowry by ten thousand aurei, I’ll do it.  I’m proud of you, Will.  If the rumors have any truth at all, you must’ve treated His Highness very well to have earned his favor.”

Will blushed and nodded vaguely.  Chiron smiled at him, as well, and said, “We’ll begin formalizing our response tomorrow.  I think it is time to retire for now.  Sleep well, Lord William.”

Will got up from his chair.  “Yes, Lord Chiron,” he said.  “Then I bid you all a good night.”

“Sleep well, Will,” Daphne replied.

“Your brothers and sister-in-law will likely try to catch you,” Apollo added.  “Don’t let them keep you up too late.  Oh, and watch out for Octavian.  He’s been particularly nasty ever since the Matestra’s letter.”

Daphne sighed.  “Only one more year,” she said desperately, rubbing her temple as though the thought of Octavian made her head ache.  “Then he’ll be old enough for us to get him a place of his own to live.”

“Are you really…?”

“They have been searching for a good spot of land for a while now,” Chiron answered.

“Can’t be too far,” Apollo said.  “I’m afraid of the damage he’ll do if we leave him on his own for too long.”

Daphne nodded.  “But too close and...the noise.”

Will shuddered.

“It’s a delicate balance,” Chiron added.  “Don’t concern yourself with it; we’ll have the situation taken care of.  Now, to bed with you.”

“Yes, Lord Chiron,” Will said again, and he nodded to his parents before leaving.

Just as Apollo had predicted, halfway to his room, a hand reached out of a door and grabbed his arm, tugging him roughly into Lee’s drawing room.

“Have a seat, little brother,” Michael said, shutting the door behind him.  Will was pushed into an armchair in the center of the room, and looked up to see three pairs of eyes staring gleefully down at him.

“You didn’t think we’d let you off, did you?” Lee asked.

“No, but I’d expected you to do it a little more gently,” Will said, rubbing his sore shoulder.

“Well, that’s no fun,” Lou answered mischievously.

“Lou Ellen, I had such high hopes for you,” Will said.  “I thought you would change Lee for the better—perhaps force him to cease to abduct me whenever I walk down the corridor—but instead, you have joined him—him and Michael!”

“Oh, William,” Lou Ellen said.  “Do you know me at all?”

“Sometimes I wonder,” Will muttered.

“In any case,” Lee said, “We want to hear all about your little trip to Divitia.  I heard you stayed in the Privilla?”

“Alas!” Michael sighed dramatically.  “With such luxuries, I fear that my dear brother will never wish to associate with plebeians such as ourselves!”

“Betrayed by our own brother!” Lou Ellen cried, wiping away an imaginary tear.

Will’s lips twitched into an almost-smile.  “You haven’t even let me say anything.”

“Sometimes I still think I can hear his voice,” Lou Ellen went on.

“Lou!” Will protested, but he couldn’t help laughing when Lee offered her a handkerchief for her fake tears.

“So, was he...scary?” Lee asked.  “He seems like he’d be frightening.”

“Not scary, no, but he makes one feel intimidated,” Will replied.  “He’s not frightening at all.  He likes to play Acies and his laugh is terribly hideous, but I like it.”

“Of course you do,” Michael sighed with a shake of his head.

Will frowned.  “What do you mean?”

Michael snorted.  “Don’t think I’ve forgotten the trip home from Venadica ten years ago—you would not stop your chatter about the amazing Prince Nico.”

“I thought it was cute,” Lee said with a shrug.

“It was, for all of a minute, but then he wouldn’t stop.  ‘Prince Nico likes to dance—I want to dance.’  ‘Prince Nico has an older sister.  Papa, can I have an older sister?’  ‘Prince Nico wore red, I want to wear r—’”

“Green,” Will corrected.  “He was wearing green that night.”

Will didn’t realize what he had said until a second later, when both brothers and his sister-in-law were staring at him with dumbfounded expressions.

“Trinkets of Ouranos, you really did worship that boy,” Michael said.

Will flushed and sank into his chair impolitely.  He didn’t care about etiquette at the moment.  “I...suppose.”

“Oh, I think he still does,” Lou Ellen said with a smirk.

“Is that so, Will?” Lee said, grinning in a way that Will knew meant trouble was coming.  “Are you still smitten with the Prince of Pluto?”

Will gripped the edges of his chair nervously.  “I...um...well, I wouldn’t say I’m exactly smitten.”

“No?” Lee asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Why, I think our brother is embarrassed by his feelings,” Lou Ellen said.

“I think you’re right, my dear sister,” Michael replied.  “Tell us, Will, was he very pretty?”

“Michael!”

Michael shrugged.  “Well, if you’ll soon be polishing rifles with him, I think it should be relevant.”

“Polishing...Michael, don’t tease me that way!”

“Speaking from experience, it helps to have a partner you’re attracted to,” Lou Ellen purred, sliding an arm around Lee’s waist.

Lee looked smug, but Will flushed at her implication.  “Lou, if you would please refrain from alluding to your bedroom activities with my brother, it would be greatly appreciated.”

Michael chucked.  “Oh, Will, I fear that hanging around those sorors all the time has begun to affect your—”

“Michael, I beg you,” Will pleaded.  “Don’t make this any more uncomfortable for me than it has to be.”

Lee laughed, but disentangled himself from Lou’s arm.  “Alright, enough.  We’ll go easy on him tonight.  But we know you’re smitten, dear William.”

Will blushed.  “I...I don’t...he’s...good.  He’s very good.”  An unbidden smile slid onto his face and he looked down at his lap, absentmindedly picking at the chair’s fabric with his fingers as he tried to keep himself from giggling.  “I’m going to be very happy with him.  I hope I can make him happy, as well.”

Michael sighed.  “How is it that you always make me feel guilty for teasing you?”

“His purity is so pristine, it’s blinding,” Lou Ellen agreed.

“I’m glad to hear you be honest, brother,” Lee said.  “Because we expect a full story, in detail, starting now.”

Will sighed.  “Where do you want me to start?” he asked.

“From the beginning, of course,” Michael answered.  “The very beginning.”

Next

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 05/12/2020

Earlier this week, I finished and released by end-of-year list of the Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2020, which, for once, was on time, being released on the 1st – or 2nd – of December, depending on your time zone. That means I’ve already spent hours discussing music, and to be honest, I have a pretty bad headache in addition to this, so you know, I’m not really in that chart-reviewing spirit. Thankfully, we have very few songs to review here, and a lot of it should be pretty inoffensive. Now, before that, let’s talk about the actual state of the charts because it is looking ridiculous. Ariana Grande’s “positions” spend its sixth week at #1, and welcome to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Much like last week, it was an absolute bloodbath for any non-Christmas song this week, and this especially affects the hip hop and R&B on the chart. In the UK Top 75, which I cover every week, there’s a drastic difference to the US Billboard Hot 100, and that is the lack of radio. Radio impressions or plays have never been counted on the UK Singles Chart, and whilst in the States, I understand that a lot of Christmas songs rely on the radio, this is not true at all across the pond, because, for whatever reason, Christmas songs are streamed and bought a lot here even 60 years after the song’s original release. This is likely due to a smaller, arguably less diverse population and the immense amount of streaming service-curated playlists, which serve the same purpose as radio and often have the exact same label gimmickry and payola. Regardless, there is a stupid amount of drop-outs and fallers this week, for pretty big tracks as well. Now as I said I only cover the top 75 of the UK Singles Chart because it’s just easier and really, who cares about those last 25 songs? On the UK Singles Chart proper, Lewis Capaldi’s “Someone You Loved”, one of the biggest hits of 2019 and 2020, just spent its 100th week on the chart, which is insane, especially for a modern song. I think the song is dreadful but it is one of the biggest songs of all time here on the Isles, and since we’re going by my measures, it just dropped out (after spending seven weeks at #1, mind you). Of course, that’s not the only notable drop-out – and to be notable, you have to have spent five weeks on the chart or peaked in the top 40 – this week. Let’s list them, shall we? We have “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles, which spent 40 weeks on the chart, as well as #1 hit “Savage Love (Laxed – Siren Beat)” by Jawsh 685 and Jason Derulo, “Giants” by Dermot Kennedy, “Mood Swings” by the late Pop Smoke featuring Lil Tjay, “Lighter” by Nathan Dawe and KSI, “Take You Dancing” by Jason Derulo, “Holiday” by Little Mix, “Tick Tock” by Clean Bandit featuring Mabel and 24kGoldn, “Come Over” by Rudimental featuring Anne-Marie and Tion Wayne, “Lasting Lover” by Sigala and James Arthur, “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper, “One Too Many” by Keith Urban and P!nk, “Papi Chulo” by Octavian and Skepta, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals, “Deluded” by Tion Wayne and MIST, “Confetti” by Little Mix, “pov” by Ariana Grande (to make way for another one of her songs we’ll get to – also probably the only actually good song that dropped out this week) and finally, “Life Goes On” by BTS off of the debut at #10. On the chart proper, this is one of the biggest free-fall drops of all time, and honestly, who wasn’t expecting this? Speaking of falls, we have a lot of those too. Whilst these are fallers, you should consider how impressive they are for even trying to survive the holiday season, which just can’t be done for a lot of these songs, even the biggest hits of the year, some of which we just mentioned. One of the funniest parts of this to me is that KSI of all people survived the overload of Christmas songs through his Craig David chorus on “Really Love” with Digital Farm Animals down to #17. For a former YouTuber, he has an immense amount of star-power and it’s kind of worrying. Otherwise, our notable fallers include “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy at #24, “Train Wreck” by James Arthur at #25 (not a good week for either of these guys – or anyone), “Monster” by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber at #26 off of the top 10 debut, “Mood” by 24kGoldn featuring iann dior at #27, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #29, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd stripped of all of its gains at #31 (seriously, whilst most of these songs were fading naturally prior, this is worrying), “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring NAV and Don Toliver at #34, “Lonely” by Justin Bieber and benny blanco at #42 (giving him four songs as a lead artist on the chart – OCC, that’s not how your dumb rules work; be consistent), “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio really having the most intense combination of streaming cuts and Christmas music at #44, “Wonder” by Shawn Mendes flailing at #45 (it will probably rebound next week), “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd at #46 (same here), “Golden” by Harry Styles at #47, “Loading” by Central Cee at #48, “What You Know Bout Love” by the late Pop Smoke at #49, “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra at #50, “Sunflower (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse)” by Post Malone and Swae Lee at #52, “UFO” by D-Block Europe and Aitch at #55, “Plugged in Freestyle” by A92 and Fumez the Engineer at #56, “Princess Cuts” by Headie One featuring Young T & Bugsey at #60 (which happened to play as I was writing this), “Looking for Me” by Paul Woodford, Diplo and Kareen Lomax at #61, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion at #62, “Diamonds” by Sam Smith having the biggest fall to #63, “Ain’t it Different” by Headie One featuring AJ Tracey and Stormzy at #65, “Chingy (It’s Whatever)” by Digga D at #69, “Come Over” by Jorja Smith and Popcaan at #70, “SO DONE” by The Kid LAROI at #71 and finally, “Flavour” by Loski and Stormzy at #74. A YouTube comment on the video version of this chart read, “RIP to hip hop and R&B in the UK, 2020-2020”, and, I mean, it’s a fair assessment. That’s not all though, folks, as we have the returning entries, most of which are very explicitly Christmas songs. Let’s start with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith at #75, and continue up the chart with “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry at #73, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay at #72 (always the best song on the entire chart whenever it returns), “A Little Love” by Celeste from the John Lewis advert at #64, “Feliz Navidad” by José Feliciano at #54, “Santa Baby” by Kylie Minogue at #57, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by the late Dean Martin at #54, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #52, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber at #43, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by the late John Lennon, Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Community Choir at #40 (always the worst song on the chart whenever it returns), “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney at #39 (this is an accurate ranking of the Beatles), “Jingle Bell Rock” by the late Bobby Helms at #38, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #37 and “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by the late Andy Williams at #36. Yes, that’s five consecutive Christmas songs returning to the top 40, made all the more ridiculous when you realise it’s topped off by “HOLIDAY” by Lil Nas X... at #41 – and it actually gained this week! Oh, and we don’t stop there either as not only do we have “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande returning to #16 as well, but we also have all of the gains this week. All of our notable gains are in the top 40 and all but one are Christmas songs, so let’s start with “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis up to #33 (our greatest gain this week) and continue up the chart with “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #32, “This Christmas” by Jess Glynne at #28, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard at #23, “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea at #22, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Justin Bieber and Brenda Lee at #21 and #19 respectively, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson at #20, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John at #18, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid at #15 (looking at this chart, I think we ALL know exactly what time it is), “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens at #14, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #13, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring the late Kirsty MacColl at #9, “Last Christmas” by Wham! at #3, and finally, “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey at #2. I don’t know if I’ll be happier if a 1994 classic hits #1 for the first time this Christmas, or an Ariana Grande song about sex positions takes the Christmas #1, given, of course, that LadBaby doesn’t pull something out of his ass last minute. Christmas also actually lands on a Friday this week, so there’s potentially two Christmas #1s: the #1 on Christmas Day and the #1 that includes Christmas Day. I mean, there’s this issue every year but since the chart week literally starts and ends on the day this year, I guess we’ll just have to see what the Official Charts Company decides. For now, after not-so-swiftly covering all of that garbage – and there’s three weeks more of it to come, folks – let’s discuss some of our new arrivals, none of which I imagine will be all that interesting but, hey, at least they’re not Christmas songs. In fact...

NEW ARRIVALS

#68 – “Body” – Megan Thee Stallion

Produced by LilJuMadeThatBeat

...It’s the antithesis of what it means to be wholesome, commercial and festive. You all know and love Megan Thee Stallion by now, and whilst I didn’t listen to that debut record yet – it is 17 songs after all – I have heard pretty positive reception so I will check out Good News at some point. Rico Nasty did release a record that’s only one less track and 13 full minutes shorter, so to be honest, I’m a lot more excited to check out that album, even if it won’t have any impact here. I did laugh at the track list when I saw “Intercourse (feat. Popcaan & Mustard)” though, which is one of the few times I have genuinely laughed at just a track list. “Shots Fired” is a pretty great Tory Lanez diss track though, so I’ll say that. “Body” is relatively deep into the track listing, yet seems to be the biggest hit, mostly because of that polarising earworm hook and the music video. Oh, yeah, and it straight-up samples a woman having an orgasm, so don’t expect this to stick around. In fact, that’s the only melody behind this dirty South bounce-adjacent track, and even with that, it only comes in on that chorus, which is less annoying to me as it is just catchy. It’s not like men haven’t done the same thing, though, I mean, Dr. Dre famously – or infamously – “paused 4 porno” on his album 2001, and just in 2018, Kanye released “XTCY”, a song that is hilariously lacking in any kind of moral compass, let alone born-again Christianity. It did the same thing that “Body” does with the moaning yet it also covers it in this really eerie sample, as well as spare 808s and a drum beat that doesn’t feel like it gets in the way of whatever the hell Kanye’s doing on this track. It also helps that the moaning doesn’t just come in on the chorus, instead we have a string swell to distinguish it, and that Kanye has more of a comical lyrical nature on “XTCY”. This comparison is only fair when looking at the production, though, as whilst Kanye has “sick thoughts”, Megan is just bragging about her own body-ody-ody-ody-ody, etc. over a pretty mainstream, accessible beat, even if it has really ugly, loud 808s that kind of do get in the way of the rapping here. Thankfully, Megan rides this beat forcefully – no pun intended – and with some really great wordplay, even if there are a few immediately dated references here and there. That third verse is also pretty funny, and whilst I don’t want to focus too much on this song – it’s a family show after all – this is pretty lively and whilst I’m not a fan of this beat, Megan makes it worth sitting through and honestly, the song sounds a lot shorter than it is. Check it out.

#67 – “Love is a Compass” – Griff

Produced by PARKWILD

I didn’t say the word “compass” on purpose knowing this song would be next, although perhaps I subconsciously snuck the word in. Maybe I should have made it seem like I foreshadowed this song, but honestly what about this warrants foreshadowing? I don’t mind Disney music at all. In fact, a lot of the films are full of really classic compositions that have aged incredibly, including the Renaissance era of their films, especially. In fact, “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan – the original – is one of the few soundtrack songs that is directly related to and featured in the film yet I can still listen to outside of that context. I’ve not even watched either Mulan – or have Disney+ - so it’s not like I’m a big fan, but I can appreciate the music when I find it, even if I mostly despise everything Disney stands for as a company. The issue with this is that it cannot apply to “Love is a Compass”. I’m sure Griff and her producer PARKWILD are talented musicians, but this is purely a product. This wasn’t even made for an original animated feature, or a painfully weak adaptation of one of their original animated features starring Will Smith as the Genie. This is a generic piano ballad made for an advert, because just like literal shops and manufacturing companies like John Lewis, Disney has a Christmas advert. There’s nothing artistic about this. This “emotional” piano ballad is layered in reverb and egregious Auto-Tune that drains Griff of whatever emotion her delivery could have had. It doesn’t sound good in this context at all and it is so obvious, which is unfortunate because her voice, Auto-Tuned in a similar way, could easily work over more lo-fi and interesting production. As it is, this is repulsive, sonically and on every other level beyond that.

#66 – “Angels Like You” – Miley Cyrus

Produced by Louis Bell and watt

So, Miley Cyrus dropped her album, Plastic Hearts, last week and I expected more impact on the chart but the two singles are really THAT big that not any of the album cuts had much of a chance, even if “Prisoner” dropped a few spaces. Other than that, “Midnight Sky” is still in the top five and near the end of the chart, we have a debut: “Angels Like You”. It’s clear why this charted because this isn’t just a highlight from the album or a personal favourite of mine, but it’s a fan favourite honestly, a career highlight – which may not be hard to make, I mean, it’s Miley Cyrus we’re talking about – but it still impresses me with how much I really love this song. This is more of a mellow ballad than many of the tracks surrounding it on the record, with Cyrus’ raspy country twang finally met with a fitting blend of acoustic guitars and a genuine orchestral swell in the chorus, even if at times it decides to start clipping. The shift in guitar tone to a dirtier, aggressive one after the first chorus is a genius touch, and even the pretty stiff drum machine here feels like it adds a lot to the power of this song, especially when it starts kicking behind the screeching guitar solo, leading into an admittedly anti-climactic final chorus... that might even be fitting for the content, which is a break-up song but not one that decides to deflect blame or even focus entirely on the break-up, rather being an acknowledgement of what both parties here did wrong, and why they ended up in the relationship to begin with. Both Cyrus and her ex-girlfriend Kaitlynn Carter were in rough spots coming off of previous relationships in late 2019 and those dark spots are what Cyrus understands lead to the collapse of this relationship. She discusses the lack of connection between the two in the first verse, leading to a literally nameless relationship where it was full of romantic gestures but not any depth. The chorus is a complex look at how Cyrus knew she would look back on the relationship as little more than a fling, but how she regrets that this is her only view of the relationship. She didn’t want anything more and split after things started getting too serious, and feels genuine guilt for using Carter to heal her own depression, because “misery needs company”. She uses the biblical metaphor to demonstrate how she feels she tugged down her girlfriend, described here as an “angel”, to the hell Cyrus thinks she resides in, which may be melodramatic, sure, but I’d be lying if I said Cyrus doesn’t completely sell it here, with some of her best vocals to date, backed up by gorgeous production and really well-written lyrics. This is a genuinely brilliant ballad, give it a listen.

#58 – “Naughty List” – Liam Payne and Dixie D’Amelio

Produced by TMS

I’ve been writing these producers as “TM5” for so long without realising it’s an abbreviation for “The Music Shed”. Anyway, I hope we can all agree that Liam Payne is probably the worst off when comparing the One Direction boys and their solo careers so far. Harry Styles is one of the biggest stars in the world, making a twist on 70s classic rock that I don’t like at all but he IS making headlines and having massive chart success. Niall Horan is having mild success making rock and folk albums that are honestly alright, ZAYN has two albums under his belt that may not be listenable but at least the first one was a success and he did go into a more mature R&B direction, and Louis Tomlinson might not have been met with any success from his album earlier this year but at least there’s some quality there. Liam Payne, however, has been releasing straight garbage to no fanfare for the past three years, dating back to “Strip that Down” with Quavo, and continuing down the path of feigning maturity and development with music clearly not backing it up, demonstrated by the bisexual fetishism on his delayed debut album and how his collaborations went from relying on Zedd to relying on J Balvin to relying on TikTok stars on a sexually-charged Christmas single that couldn’t even crack the top 50. I have no idea who Dixie D’Amelio is other than seeing her sister’s controversies on Twitter in passing, but it is depressing that a major-label pop star needs D’Amelio to chart this high – and no, given his most recent singles with bigger features like A Boogie wit da Hoodie and Cheat Codes, as well as the shoddy performance of his last Christmas song, I’m not even considering that it’s the other way around. This immediately, in its first 15 seconds, makes sure you know this will be awful, with its tedious acoustic guitar strumming fused with cheap sounding sleigh bells and dated trap percussion, even with little “hey!” gang vocals straight out of 2014 that make this sound a lot less new and fresh than I think Payne thought it did. Also, something about these lyrics sounds really odd when you consider the age gap between the two vocalists. I mean, D’Amelio’s 19 years old, so it’s not like this is illegal in any way (and they didn’t have any chemistry to begin with), but the childlike imagery in the chorus just makes this gross. “Santa saw the things we did and put us on the naughty list”? This has less subtlety than 3OH!3’s Christmas song they released this year. Yes, that happened, and somehow the two washed-up early 2010s pop stars made a “dirty” Christmas song that is miles better than Liam Payne’s, probably because of the more interesting lyrical detail, and that, you know, it isn’t a duet. Check out “KISSELTOE” if you’re interested, it’s really good. I liked their comeback single with 100 gecs too so I’m pretty excited for whatever comes out of 3OH!3’s recent productivity. This song, on the other hand, as well as the upcoming joke, is just Payne-full.

#53 – “No Time for Tears” – Nathan Dawe and Little Mix

Produced by Tré Jean-Marie and Nathan Dawe

Okay, so, I understand the marketing of releasing a single after a long time of not releasing a single and after your singles have all dropped out of the chart, but Little Mix are just being managed horribly here. Why would you release a single in the Christmas season that you want to be big? This isn’t a holiday song in any way and doesn’t even sound like one, so releasing it this early into the Christmas season is just begging for it to be forgotten and eventually flop. Nathan Dawe is an EDM DJ so he doesn’t need this type of promotion as long as he can tour next year and he’s got big features, and Little Mix don’t need any extra singles because they’re still in the top 10 and they’ve branched out to reality television. Just let the girls breathe for a second and enjoy their success. Oh, and this song isn’t just logistically unnecessary, it’s sonically unnecessary, acting as a house-pop club banger with that standard piano sound reminiscent of 90s house that has been adopted recently by DJs, with any of the infectious melodies and genuine drive sucked out of it, especially if Dawe is going to add a Goddamn trap breakdown in the second verse with the most pathetic set of percussion I’ve heard in years on a house track. It’s not like Little Mix are saving this either because the lyrical content is re-tread and their performances are largely unrecognisable from each other and songs they’ve made before. Yeah, this isn’t offensive, but it isn’t interesting, outside of that bridge, but even then it builds up perfectly to a chorus that’s interrupted by a pointless, repetitious interlude. This song isn’t just uninteresting, it’s inherently unnecessary on all fronts, which if anything, is just kind of sad.

#35 – “All You’re Dreaming Of” – Liam Gallagher

Produced by Simon Aldred and Andrew Wyatt

Surely out of all of these songs, I’d have the most to say about our top 40 debut, with Liam Gallagher, former frontman of legendary rock band Oasis,  and his new lead single, right? Well, no, because here are some unfortunate truths: Oasis made two good albums, and they’re not as good as you remember. Liam Gallagher is an awful person who continued to rip off his own band with his new one, without the songwriting ability his brother Noel had. Liam continues to be persistent in his making of enemies for no other reason than publicity. Noel’s reaching out to Liam for the sake of at least reconciliation goes completely unnoticed, ignored or criticised by Liam for no discernable reason other than an on-and-off again facade that’s been going on for more than a decade. Noel wasn’t even that great of a songwriter, relying mostly on musicianship and other people’s melodies he liked to co-opt for his own tracks. None of their solo work has been listenable yet still gathers attention that I imagine is to the dismay of those other band members in Oasis who, ultimately, made those classic albums as much as the Gallaghers. Where’s the praise for Bonehead, Guigsy or even Gem Archer, who stuck it out despite decreasing popularity, utter lack of musical quality and increasing tensions between the people who kept the band afloat until they decided to break up? Both Noel and Liam look at Oasis with regret or admiration depending on how they feel that day but when you look at who REALLY won that Britpop battle tabloids liked to hype up in the 1990s, you realise how far away Oasis was from Blur or even Pulp in terms of not only their songs but having their stuff together. This new song is complete garbage as well, with a pretty awful mixing job, Liam being as distinctively nasal and infuriating as he is with any of his songs let alone his uninteresting ballads, and the COVID-19 charity pandering that comes off as really false, especially since even after Noel released an Oasis track this year as a result of the lockdown – and Liam whining about how he wants to bring the band together to help the NHS – he criticised the honest release of the demo, which Noel wrote and sang himself. It’s also especially telling how the proceeds are only going to benefit charity for its first month of release. Afterwards, Liam and the label can scrape up whatever leftover streams they get from diehard fans. I don’t like Band Aid at all, in fact the song is pretty damn rancid, but at least they keep on recording updated versions to give to modern charities. Liam, you’ve got a bank account the average Manchurian would dream of. This charity single is a fraud, and a pretty hypocritical, immoral one at that.

Conclusion

I think on principle on how fake it is and how awful the song is, I have to give Worst of the Week to Gallagher... but I have a rule against crowning any kind of charity single with that title. At the end of the day, at least something at some point is going to the people who need it. Worst of the Week in that case goes to “Naughty List” by Liam Payne and Dixie D’Amelio, with a Dishonourable Mention to the product that is Griff’s “Love is a Compass”. Best of the Week should be obvious as it’s going to Miley Cyrus for “Angels Like You”, with an Honourable Mention to Megan Thee Stallion’s “Body”. Here’s this week’s top 10:

May I remind you this is the first week of December? Anyway, I doubt Shawn Mendes will make anything through the barrage of holiday tracks, but if he does, that’s next week. Thank you for reading and follow me at @cactusinthebank for more ramblings of this sort, I suppose. See you next week!

[imgonnabeyourbubblegumwitch]

I Love You, You Pay My Rent: Chapter Two

First Chapter (Prologue)

Previous Chapter (Chapter One)

Nico had been living with Will Solace for almost three days. In that time he’d broken Will’s washing machine, found out Will had an aversion to fortune cookies and, well not much else. Will spent a lot of time out of the apartment which kind of led Nico to question why Will even wanted anybody around unless Nico’s sole purpose was a live, moody burglar alarm. If that was Wil’s logic then he was going to be solely disappointed because Nico was pretty sure Nico would either manage to miss the burglary completely or be too busy hiding under the bed to fight the intruder off.

Will was out again, doing who knew what, which left Nico with time to kill before he went to work. He was supposed to be using the time to come to a decision about whether this thing he had going on was going to be permanent, but he was mostly staring at the wall with an utterly blank mind. He was no longer worried Will was a murderer which he supposed was what the three days had been about in the first place. He hadn't freaked out about the flood, and he let Nico eat his leftover pizza which was a definite plus in a roomate even if Will was a pineapple-person with a questionable taste in toppings. He could always scrape the vegetables off. And most importantly of all, of course, was the fact that living with Will Solace was 100% completely and totally free. He didn't understand why he was still hesitating.

Perhaps it was because Will Solace was driving Nico mad. It wasn't just the mystery of the free room. It annoyed him how untroubled Will was most of the time. He just seemed to breeze through life without a care in the world. Octavian's words about Will being handed things stuck like a sharp object in his mind, uncomfortable and unavoidable. He knew part of his issue with Will's easy-going nature was that he was really jealous about how good Will had it, but now Nico had it that good too. So maybe that wasn't exactly it.

He still had nothing when he had to leave for work. He spent much of his shift pouring out drinks on autopilot and trying to figure out exactly what his problem. Reyna eventually pointed out he was ignoring people with less vitriol but more intensity than usual and asked if there was anything wrong. Nico liked Reyna so he timed his break to coincide with hers and sat with her in the dingy closet that was classed as the staff break-room trying to explain the problem in a way that didn't make him sound like a whiney brat or an idiot for not leaping at the offer the second it had left Will's mouth.

"So, the issue is you don't like him?" Reyna asked.

Nico ran a finger around his coke glass, drawing patterns in the condensation.

"It's not that I don't like him," Nico said.

"Coming from you Nico, not not-liking him is a big deal."

Nico shrugged.

“I flooded his apartment and he responded by buying me Chinese. I’d be a real douche if I said I hated him.”

Reyna gave a half smile of agreement and sipped at her lemonade thoughtfully.

"Why don't you make a list of pros and cons?" She suggested. "I mean as far as I can tell the cons are he annoys you occasionally while the pros could go on for days from rent-free-apartment to Will-Solace is freaking hot.”

Nico blushed and tried to hide it behind his glass. Reyna didn't know Nico had had a crush on Percy. Reyna didn't even know Nico was gay. But he suspected she suspected. He also knew she wouldn't care but admitting it would inevitably lead to conversations he didn't want to have like ooh do you like anyone and the extended version of Will Solace is freaking hot.

He thought about Reyna’s suggestion as he made up rum and coke after rum and coke, and eventually came to the conclusion that Reyna was right. Maybe a list would clear things up. So, when he got home, too wide awake thanks to the pounding music and flashing lighting to hope to sleep for at least an hour, he dug an old notebook out of his box of junk and started a list.

Reasons not to like/want to live with Will Solace.

He was tapping his pen against the paper when he heard the front door close.

Will looked tired but he smiled when he saw Nico.

“Thought you’d still be at work.”

“What time do you think it is?” Nico asked, leaning against his doorframe and watching Will for any fresh clue as to what his deal was.

Will looked at him blankly for a moment. Then blinked as though realising he was supposed to answer.

“I honestly don’t know. Dinner time? Bed time? Time to watch Tangled time?”

“No to all of those.”

Will gave a tired grin.

“I don’t know, Tangled is sounding good right now.”

“As long as I don’t have to hear it. Anyway, I’m glad you’re up. I need an extension on this three days thing.”

“Still think I’m a murderer?” Will asked. “Because I promise this is paint.”

He gestured to a red stain on his t-shirt. It was mostly hidden by his jacket so Nico hadn’t actually noticed it before Will had called his attention to it. Will lifted his jacket to show Nico and accidentally hiked his t-shirt up in the process. Nico tried, and largely failed, to focus solely on Will’s face.

“This is blood,” Will added pointing to a tiny rust coloured stain on his sleeve. “I cut my hand.”

Nico raised an eyebrow at him. Will gave him a surprisingly mischievous smile and then shrugged.  

“Sure,” he said.  He took a slice of pizza from the fridge and disappeared towards his room. At his door, he paused.

“What is the time?”

“Three thirty-two am.”

Will nodded solemnly like this was profound knowledge. He had dark rings under his eyes Nico noticed, like bruises. He wondered how long Will had been up.

“Okay,” he said. “See you in the morning. Or whenever.”

The door shut behind him. Nico stared at it for several seconds and then went back to his list.

Will Solace is too chilled out about everything.

The next morning Nico woke to singing. He threw his pillow at the wall and then groaned because that, surprisingly, didn’t shut Will up and just left him without a pillow. He crawled out of bed and snatched up a pen.

Will Solace sings too much.

When Nico eventually decided to leave his room, his found Will sitting at the breakfast bar eating toast.

“You want some?” he asked when Nico shuffled into the kitchen, fully dressed but without a smile.

“It’s too early to eat.”

“It’s one thirty. In the afternoon.”

“Oh, now you can tell the time? But like I said. Early.”

Will gave him a slightly sceptical look but he didn’t argue.

“So, there’s someone coming round to look at the washing machine,” he said. “But I’ve got to go out. If you hear the door can you let them in? There’s money on the counter.”

Nico nodded his agreement, as Will slid off his seat toast in hand.

“You’re the best!”

The door closed behind him leaving an apartment that suddenly felt very empty.

Will Solace is too cheerful.

Will Solace takes up too much space.

Nico’s work schedule had been thrown off by his move across town which meant that while he wasn’t working at the bar, he did have to go into the café. Nico wondered if there was ever going to be a time in his life when he didn’t spend the majority of his time making drinks for other people.

Halfway through his shift a group of twenty-somethings showed up, Will in the midst of them. Will seemed surprised to see Nico. He seemed uneasy when giving his order, even unwilling to acknowledge he knew Nico at all. Nico shrugged it off, or tried to, but he couldn't help but be a little hurt that Will didn't want to associate himself with Nico. But whatever. Why should popular, perfect, air-headed Will Solace want anything to do with him? He was nobody.

He just happened to live with Will.

He handed Will's drink over trying to keep the scowl off his face. He turned without comment to the next customer, a tall girl with dark curly hair who hung onto Will's arm like she was worried he would float away if she loosened her grip for even a fraction of a second. Nico felt his heart drop a little more but focused on her order and tried to ignore Will ignoring him.

He was so focused on what he was doing that he only realised the girl had been speaking when Will cut in.

"Lay off him Drew."

Nico turned to Will in some surprise. Will still looked uncomfortable, doubly so when Drew turned heavily lined eyes onto him.

"Why do you care?"

Will glanced at Nico and Nico shook his head a fraction. Will still seemed indecisive but Drew was already grabbing her coffee off the counter and dragging him away.

Nico watched their group out of the corner of his eye. He may not have liked interacting with people much but there was a time when he'd had to be very good at reading them. The dynamics of Will's group were for the most part boring to the point of being so stereotypical they almost came out the other side and became subversive. The group were uniformly attractive and empty-headed: noisy and boisterous they commanded attention and all talked over each other without listening to what anyone else had to say. Drew sat close to Will, practically on his lap. Will seemed unusually subdued. Nico had to wonder if Will was usually that out of place within his friendship group or whether, for some reason, Nico's presence was making him uncomfortable.

It would only be fair if that were true. Will's presence in the cafe was making Nico uncomfortable. He hated the way Will was acting: quiet and distracted until anyone spoke to him directly. And then the mask went on, or fell off perhaps, and Will Solace acted exactly how Nico thought Will Solace would act before he'd met him: smirking, confident and flirty. He hated it because it was so different from the Will who had helped him clean up the apartment, or even the dorky Will who had turned up in facepaint to ask him if he wanted to move in in the first place.

At home he found his notebook.

Will Solace makes no sense.

He stared at the list and then screwed it up and threw it against the wall. It wasn't getting him anywhere.

He wasn't sure if he would have confronted Will about the cafe thing, but Nico didn't see him for a full two days after that. Nico was almost starting to think that he was dead in a ditch somewhere, possibly dying from alcohol poisoning, or maybe from an attack of Drew. When he eventually came home it was with a half-empty bottle of vodka and sunglasses on, and Nico was suddenly furious: furious at the way Will just came and went, furious at how Will could apparently wander around drunk at midday without a care in the world, furious that he'd actually been worried about him. He raised an eyebrow as Will put the bottle on the counter and sank to the floor, apparently exhausted.

"Is having endless money really that much work?" he asked scathingly.

Will stared at him for a moment.

"It's actually pretty easy," he said dully. He wasn't fighting back and for some reason that annoyed Nico more.

"I don't get it. I don't get you."

"We've known each other for like five days. Didn't think you'd be the instant sharing, caring, soul-bearing type."

"Not entirely sure you have a soul," Nico snarled and he was no longer sure why he was angry but the fury kept coming. He'd bottled up so much rage over his life that it all came spilling out at the tiniest opening. It didn't matter that there was a tiny voice in his head saying that Will didn't deserve this.

"Is this about the cafe?" Will asked. "Because I agree Drew was out of line but -"

"But you didn't do anything about it," Nico pointed out, "because I'm just someone you need in your house. For some reason. I don't think you've ever actually explained why. Or why Octavian was basically telling me to run."

"That's an overstatement," Will said. The set of his shoulders was defensive.

"How many housemates have you had?" Nico demanded.

"Nico-"

"No, I deserve to know."

"It's not what you think."

"How can it be not what I think? I don't think anything because you don't make sense."

Will sighed and dragged a hand through his hair.

"You don't have to stay. I'm not forcing you."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Nico stormed back to his room, feeling strangely hollow underneath the anger. It didn't matter that there was a voice in his head telling him Will didn't deserve this. It didn't matter that this was a stupid decision, that he'd be homeless, that he couldn't afford anywhere else. The anger didn't stop. He threw his clothes into a bag. It didn't take long. The boxes would be awkward, he'd have to come back for those. It wasn't ideal but Will was out so much he doubted he'd have to see his stupid face again when returning for them.

Nico was still seething when he left his room, even if a more rational part of him was making itself louder demanding to know where he thought he was going. Will was sitting at the breakfast bar with his back to Nico. The sunglasses and vodka sat next to him on the counter. For some reason that bugged Nico and he was preparing to throw open the door never to return when Will turned.

"Do you have somewhere to go?" he asked. He actually sounded concerned and that might have annoyed him more because Will shouldn’t be concerned, he should be furious, arguing back. But he couldn’t answer, and he couldn’t move.

"What happened?" he asked when he could finally move his jaw. His tone was brusque and Will winced. Will moved his hand up to his face unconsciously and then put the ice pack back up to cover the angry looking, purplish bruise tainting the skin under his eye.

"It's nothing," he said.

"I should see the other guy?" Nico asked sceptically.

Will laughed a little hollowly.

"No, I definitely came off worse."

Nico felt the anger draining away and was relieved to find he could let it go. The cyclone of rage had been a little scary; he didn't want to end up like his father.

He dropped his bag to the floor and moved to sit down opposite Will.

"I don't get you Will Solace," he commented as he took his seat.

"Oh I'm your typical rich airhead," Will replied. It was a good attempt at carelessness but didn't quite cut it. Will was shaken up.

"You're a terrible liar," Nico commented.

They sat in silence for a minute.

"Three," Will said suddenly.

"Three?"

"Housemates. Before you."

"That's a lot less dramatic than Octavian made it out to be."

Will shrugged.

"Octavian doesn't like me much," he said, but didn't elaborate.

"To be fair I don't like you much either," Nico said, though he said it lightly.

"I don't know why. I'm pretty awesome," Will said. His tone was light, matching Nico's and his shoulders relaxed somewhat.

"You are kidding right? You are the most annoying person I have ever lived with."

"How am I annoying?"

"I literally made a list," Nico said despite the fact that said list had been something of a bust. "Awful food."

"Liking pineapple isn't a crime Nico."

"It is if you choose to put it on pizza. Okay fine, you are too cheerful."

"I'm too - cheerful?"

"Yep it's infuriating. The world really isn't all that great you know."

Will gave Nico a very sceptical look. His eyes were regaining their sparkle and Nico was ridiculously, stupidly relieved about that.

"Is that all you've got? I like pineapple and I'm too cheerful."

"Constant singing."

"Oh come on!"

"Seriously I am so sick of Disney. And that one about the sun. What even is that?"

"No one is ever sick of Disney."

"I am!" Nico said. "I am very sick of Disney. I don't even like Disney."

"Maybe I don't want you as a roomate then. Maybe you should go."

"That's where you are going to draw a line? Me not liking Disney?"

"Yes. It is. Or it would be if I believed you. Hercules? I bet you are a Hercules person. Or maybe Big Hero Six."

"I have seen neither of those."

"Wow you are the worst."

Nico stuck his tongue out at Will and Will grinned.

"I'm surprised you didn't bring up my friends to be honest," Will said musingly.

"They do seem pretty awful," Nico agreed.

"Mitchell isn't all bad. And Cecil and Lou-Ellen are cool, I just don't end up seeing much of them. Really it's only Drew that's a pain."

"If you don't like her -?"

"She's a terrible person. I know that. But I can't just ditch her."

"You are way too soft Solace. Please tell me you didn't get punched over her."

Will laughed.

"No, it wasn't over her."

"But you won't tell me what it was over right?"

"It's nowhere near as exotic as whatever you are imagining. I confiscated the vodka off of Cecil and he punched me."

"This is a guy you just described as cool."

"I don't think he was actually going for my face. He was trying to snatch the bottle back but he was pretty drunk and his aim sucks when he's sober. He was very apologetic."

"Your life is weird," Nico told him.

"But it's not boring."

"No I can't imagine endless partying will ever become repetitive or boring," Nico said snarkily.

Will gave him an odd look, but just shrugged.

"Well I'm getting food. You want anything before you go?"

"Go?" Nico asked, more than a little confused. "I don't have work tonight. It's Tuesday. Though considering your track record with days and time I'm not surprised you don't know that."

It was Will's turn to look confused. He looked kind of adorable and Nico's stomach did odd things, like it was attempting Olympic gymnastics.

"You said you were leaving?"

"I've changed my mind," Nico said while trying to make it seem like this wasn't a big deal at all.

"Oh," Will said.

"Really?" he added.

Nico shrugged uncomfortably.

"It's been pointed out to me that I'd be pretty stupid to turn down free rent. On reflection, it's probably a good point."

"Besides," he said, "if I stay I might get to witness you getting punched for weird reasons. That could be interesting."

Will smiled but it was the small, unconscious one that was rarer than a blue moon or the Hades mythomagic figurine. It made Nico stupidly glad he'd agreed to stay.

"You know offering you this place was never supposed to be some big mysterious thing," Will said thoughtfully as he got up to throw the ice pack in the sink.

"I prefer living with someone else. Percy mentioned you needed somewhere and since I'm not paying anything for this place it seemed unfair to make you pay."

It was an explanation but it also offered more questions, like why Will didn't have to pay rent. Still it was a start.

"I can't believe you wrote a list about how annoying I am," Will added as he picked out a take-out menu and chucked it at Nico.

"It was a thoroughly valid exploration of your personality and limits."

"Can I see it?"

"Absolutely not."

"That seems unfair," Will said. "Maybe I'll have to write a list of all the ways you annoy me and then refuse to let you see it."

"I'd like to see you try," Nico replied. "I'm not annoying in the slightest."

Will laughed. His eyes were really blue.  

"Sure Neeks," he said. "If you say so."

Next Chapter 

[willandlyra]

no one would know the sound of a ghost

in which nico hates his neighbours until one of them shows up at his door claiming his apartment is haunted, and he requires a partner in ghost busting. 

word count: 5228

read on ao3

::

Nico, so far, has not had much contact with his new neighbour, dubbed currently as ‘Will from next door’ and that’s exactly how he likes it.

Their current encounters start and end with the following:

1.   Will moving in just as Nico leaves for work. Headphones in. Minding his own business. His eyes accidentally meet in the lift with who he assumes is the guy moving in from the impractical amounts of boxes he’s holding. Will says, with too much enthusiasm for nine in the morning, “hi! I’m Will”. Nico smiles, and doesn’t say anything because he can’t remember how to formulate words.

2.   Later in the same day. Will still transporting a couple of boxes of things when Nico returns home a few hours later. He actually manages to introduce himself this time. Will drops one of said boxes on Nico’s foot. Great start.

It’s nothing personal to Will, despite his early morning enthusiasm that one time and the fact that Nico actually yelped quite embarrassingly in a very public hallway when half of Will’s possessions collided with his toes. Or – that might have a tiny bit to do with it, but truthfully, Nico doesn’t really care for any of his neighbours.

Not because he doesn’t like them, per say. The ‘nothing personal’ title carries on from Will and is shared between the entirety of his apartment building. The fact is, they’re his neighbours. On principle, no one likes their neighbours. Neighbours are 90% of the time annoying and nosy and invasive. They’re too loud – the guy living in no.196 before Will was always playing his music at an unforgivable volume for three am, and Nico supposes the mistrust has carried.

Some of his neighbours are sweet, sure. Mrs Anderson opposite says hello with a sweet smile every time she encounters him in the hall or lift. She’s approaching eighty-one, and is under the impression that his name is ‘Dave’, but it’s the thought that counts. Piper across the hall is very nice, if not… over enthusiastic, and he supposes if she wasn’t his neighbour, she’d be his friend. As it happens, she is his neighbour, and he has to hear her loudly singing when she leaves her apartment for work every morning. Nice.

That’s a problem with neighbours: you know bits and pieces about them and their lives and their characters, but not enough to know them as people. You get to know all of their crazy and their ugly when you’re listening to mini soap operas through the thin walls dividing your homes, and you accidentally spy upon their irritating habits, and catch them at bad moments, and see all the sides of a person they wouldn’t reveal to a stranger on the street, by pure accident.

That’s all you see though. Some of them are friendly, and they aren’t shy about it, and waves and smiles and greetings are exchanged in the hallways but you don’t know them well enough to find a redeeming quality for all of the pet peeve criterias they fill.

His neighbours have all kinds of crazy. When Piper starts laughing she doesn’t stop until she looks as if her lungs are about to rupture, Mrs Anderson dresses like she’s in a time warp from 1988, Leo down the hall collects cactuses in different shapes and sizes, and Nico himself spends half his time yelling at his laptop at incompetent people on Mythomagic forums.

He hasn’t had many encounters with Will yet, but when he does, it’ll top the list so far.

::

It’s a Friday night, and Nico is ready.

He’s had a week of work – gross – and he’s ridiculously tired, but instead of sleeping, Nico has a way better idea. He has a glass of wine already poured into a glass, sitting idly on the coffee table beside a box of chocolates that he was probably supposed to send to Hazel. Adam Sandler movie (everyone has guilty pleasures) is at the ready. Fluffy bed socks are on. Door is locked. Ready.

He sits down, grin on his face, and breathes out a sigh of relaxation.

…Which is precisely when there’s a knock at his door.

Nico groans. Quite loudly. He sort of hopes that they get the message but as the only response is a couple of other rat-a-tat-tat knocks on the door, he supposes not.

He considers ignoring it and pretending he’s not in – but they’ve probably already heard the groan, and the light from the hall is obviously going to travel through the gap underneath the door itself, and he doesn’t know who is there, anyway. It could be Billie Joe Armstrong, ready to declare his love. It probably isn’t, but it could be.

Nico sighs. An irritated one this time, and it’s not really necessary but it’s kind of for good measure. And then he drags himself up off of the sofa, and feels like he’s pulling dead weight as he slowly, very slowly, makes his way to his front door.

He’s not sure who he’s expecting to find at this hour (it’s only nine in the evening, but whatever, Nico’s an old man when it comes to socialisation in the night). It could Billie Joe. It probably won’t be Billie Joe, but he hopes it is. It could be the boy he got into a fight with in high school - Octavian - who swore revenge, ready to punch him in the face. Could be his ex boyfriend from two years ago turning up with a baby basket, screaming “it’s yours!” before disappearing into thin air, like in all the movies - not that he's sure how that'd work. He isn’t particularly expecting any of these – probably someone who forgot their key, or someone begging for money who somehow got into the building. Maybe his landlord for a surprise inspection, who knows.

He opens the door, and out of all the ideas that sprang into his mind, and all the logical and rational people it could have been, Nico is not expecting it to be Will from next door.

“Um,” Will says. He looks a little like a deer caught in headlights. Maybe he has the wrong address. “Hi.”

Nico stares at him for about ten seconds and then, rather than responding with a traditional greeting, blurts out, “do you have the right address?”

Will blinks several times. And then he says, “yeah. I mean. I wasn’t looking for anyone else. I’m here because – well, for you.”

Because that doesn’t sound creepy at all. What the fuck. Nico’s going to have to rename him Will from next door to Will from the wanted serial killers list.

“Right,” Nico says. There’s a short pause. He shifts uncomfortable, and adds, “for, um, any particular reason?”

Please don’t say homicide, Nico thinks.

“This is going to sound kind of crazy, I know-“

Oh God. He’s going to say homicide.

“But I think my apartment is haunted?”

There’s another pause. This one stretches out longer, an awkward silence in which Will hastily shuffles, waiting for a response, and Nico just gapes at him.

“You what?”

“I… think my apartment is haunted?” Will repeats, and okay. Maybe he did hear right, then.

“Um,” Nico says. “Right. That’s. Well. Unusual.”

“I know,” Will agrees. “But weird things have been happening since I moved in, and. I don’t know. You’re the closest neighbour I have, and sometimes I hear you – accidentally, thin walls, sorry – discussing the existence of aliens on the phone late at night. At least, presumably the phone. Maybe to yourself. Which is fine. But. I just mean, it made me think you might be the most appropriate person to approach here.”

Nico stares at him for a long moment. “You do realise this isn’t like, the ghost busters head quarters or something?”

Will snorts. “Obviously,” he says. “It’d be a pretty stupid ghost to live right next door to the HQ of its nemesis, after all.”

It’s a kind of funny comment. Nico wants to laugh, but he’s still gaping at Will, not really sure in any way how to respond to him.

“Are you fucking with me?” he asks. “It’s been a long week, man. I’m not feeling it. Come back on Wednesday, maybe. I can cope with Wednesdays.”

“I’m not joking,” Will insists, looking a little desperate. “Like. Genuinely. My apartment is being haunted. I am being pursued by a poltergeist, I am literally certain of it. And it’s been going on for months, ever since I moved in, and I just ignored it and tried to rationalise it but my Cheerios just got knocked off of the kitchen table for no reason, and they’ve spilled everywhere and I have had enough.”

Nico just says, “why were you eating Cheerios at nine pm?”

Will shrugs. “Mid-life crisis.”

“You’re not middle aged though.”

“But I will be, some day, and I’m having a crisis about it.”

Same, Nico thinks, nodding. Because he totally relates.

“Same,” he tells Will from next door. “I feel that.”

“Thanks,” Will says.

“New question, why were you eating Cheerios, they’re bloody gross.”

“They aren’t, but that’s not the point. I reiterate: I think my apartment is being haunted. In fact, scrap that. My apartment is being haunted.”

“Okay,” Nico agrees. “Your apartment is haunted. What – I mean, I’m not trying to be rude here – but what exactly can I do about that?”

“I need you to help me search for paranormal activity,” Will admits hastily, and Nico just stares at him. Again.

“Wait,” he says, a few moments later. “You are literally being serious right now.”

“Yep,” Will sighs. “Completely. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Nico says automatically. Is it? He doesn’t really know. He’s never been asked to hunt for paranormal activity before. Particularly not with someone he has literally spoken to twice. And neither of them were exactly intimate encounters.

“Thanks.”

“Why?”

“Because my apartment is being haunted,” Will says. “Oh, you mean – well. I can’t go alone. Everyone knows you never take on a poltergeist or whatever that is alone. I tried telling my friend, but he thought I was joking. And, um, my other friend recommended psychiatry. So far you’ve only crossed one off the list. So that’s a good sign.”

“Jesus Christ,’” Nico says. He shakes his head in disbelief, and he’s kind of really feeling like he needs to sit down for a bit. Or maybe for the rest of his life. That would work.

“Is that a no?” Will asks, defeated. All of this staring has given him a good look at Will from next door. He’s cute, that’s for sure. Blonde hair, blue eyes, most likely helps old ladies cross the street. He really is attractive – although most people are, if you haven’t got laid since 1968. Nico may or may not fall into that criteria.

Also, Will had these big blue eyes, hard to say no to. He’s really cute.

Also, Nico’s seen this film before, and it totally sucks.

Turns out ‘Jesus Christ’ doesn’t mean no after all.

::

Nico does what any good neighbour would do, and allows Will in, and offers him a coffee.

“Yes, please,” he says. “My coffee always seems to end up going drastically wrong. I blame the ghost.”

“Are you sure you’re not just really bad at making coffee?”

“I’ll have you know, I’m an expert,” Will retorts. “I’d show you, but honestly, I’m too scared of accidentally breaking the mugs. The ghost has made me very superstitious.”

Nico eyes him wearily, thinking, why the fuck did I let this lunatic inside of my apartment?

“I’m sure it has,” Nico says. “Can I ask when the supposed haunting began?”

“Right after I moved in.”

“And what exactly were the signs?” he presses, feeling a little too self-important. Nico’s enjoying this, though, in spite of the serial killer possibility still being a fairly high risk. He feels like a ghost buster. Maybe this is actually what he was born to do. If, you know, ghosts actually existed. He has no idea what he’s supposed to do or ask, and he’s kind of making it up as he goes along – it reminds him of the improvisation exercises they had to do in high school drama. A simpler time.

“Well, it’s really cold, for a start…” Will begins, and Nico can’t help but interject.

“The whole building is,” he tells him. “The heating is kind of shit. Don’t supposed they mentioned it in the sale, though.”

Will frowns. “Maybe the whole building is haunted,” he says, and Nico doesn’t reply, because if he did he would probably bang his head violently against the table.

“What else?”

“Things keep breaking. I keep dropping everything when I shouldn’t be. Things just fall off the table or out of my hands even when I’ve got a firm grip.”

“That’s called butterfingers,” Nico informs him. He feels that on a pretty deep level. Maybe he isn’t the ghost buster after all. Maybe he’s actually the ghost.

“I still think it’s the ghost,” Will says defensively. “I was never this bad before!”

“Really?”

Nico’s not sure why, but from looking at and talking to Will, he’s kind of drawn the conclusion he’s the type to break a good few mirrors in his lifetime.

“Well,” Will says. “I don’t think so.”

Nico sighs. “What else?”

“Weird noises.”

He raises his eyebrow. “As in…?”

“Like. I don’t know,” Will shrugs. “This kind of… groaning sound? But not like, I mean, not in a sexual way. I’m pretty sure I’m not just eavesdropping on someone getting laid by accident. It’s more of a… pained wailing.”

“I see,” Nico says slowly. “And what time would you say this occurs most of all?”

“I don’t know. Like… eleven in the evening until two in the morning, mostly, I’d say?”

Nico coughs. “Right,” he says, and then swiftly moves along onto another question.

Will does not need to know that the supposed ‘ghost noises’ he’s been hearing every night are actually the sounds of Nico losing at Silent Hill.

::

The last time Nico got invited back to a guy’s place in the evening was probably over three years ago. Also, it wasn’t to search for paranormal activity and the proof of a poltergeist, so Nico’s really not sure whether he’s winning or losing tonight.

“Here it is,” Will says, opening the door. “I don’t know whether you’ve been in here a lot before, with the old tenant, but. I’ve moved it around a bit.”

“Yeah, no, it looks good,” Nico says. “I like your set up a lot better than Percy's.”

“Percy?”

“Old tenant,” Nico tells him. “I came over a few times. The place always smelled of fish. It was gross.”

Will wrinkles his nose. “Ew,” he says. “Bet you’re glad that he left.”

“Oh, I am,” Nico says. “He was definitely not one of my better neighbours. He’s moved away with his girlfriend now, thank God, though I’m pretty sure they’re only together because she’s a pescatarian.”

“Makes sense,” Will shrugs. “Did he ever mention anything weird while he was living here?”

“99% of the shit he says was weird,” Nico tells him. “But if you’re talking about in relation to the ghost, then no, he didn’t.”

Will groans. “Why am I the only one being targeted?”

“Maybe the smell of fish scared him off?” Nico offers helpfully. “Or maybe he was being… haunted, and I just wouldn’t know because he never approached me about it quite as, well, forwardly as you did.”

“I was tired of suffering in silence,” Will says defensively.

“I’m not hating,” Nico raises his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Although, there is another option.”

“Which is?”

“He doesn’t exist. The poltergeist, I mean, not you.”

“I mean, that’s a possibility,” Will muses. “But I still have pretty high confidence in its existence. Do you not believe in ghosts, then?”

“Not really,” Nico admits.

“But you believe in aliens?”

Nico flushes. “That’s a debate for another day. It’s a bigger likelihood. Look at the size of the universe, Will. You really think this planet is the only one to harbour intelligent life? Will. Will, listen. They’re out there.”

Will stares at him for a few moments. “And you don’t believe in ghosts?”

“…Not really?”

“So you think we just get born out of nowhere and remain on the planet for an unspecified amount of time and then just die? Just like that?”

Nico shrugs. “I dunno, but if I were a ghost, I sure as hell wouldn’t be spending my days in the afterlife haunting random apartments.”

Will considers this. “Me either, but maybe it was resting in peace, but then the previous tenant angered it with the fish, and now it’s out for vengeance.”

“Okay, now that’s something I’d do,” Nico nods. “I agree with the current actions of the ghost.”

Will frowns at him, and points to the pile of broken ceramic, Cheerios and milk on his kitchen floor.

“Really?” he asks dryly. “I don’t.”

::

“How exactly do we detect paranormal activity anyway?” Nico asks, and Will, for a moment, looks perplexed.

“Ah,” he says. “That could be an issue. Don’t you need like, all kinds of fancy scientific equipment?”

“This isn’t a science fiction novel, Will. I’m pretty sure those kinds of tools don’t actually exist.”

“Such a sceptic,” Will sighs, mournfully. “And so young, too. So sad.”

“They didn’t need high tech equipment in paranormal activity the movies though,” Nico says, ignoring his previous comment. “You have a video camera?”

“Nico, those movies weren’t real…”

“Obviously,” Nico says, rolling his eyes. “But we have to take inspiration from somewhere.”

“True,” Will admits, and he complies. They set up Will’s old video camera in the kitchen, where Will insists most of the ‘incidents’ seem to happen, and wait a while.

“We should search the apartment too,” Will declares. “There might be, you know, weird demonic markings on some of the walls or something, that’d indicate there’s a demon here, right?”

“Or that a previous tenant was into the illuminati,” Nico says. “But sure.”

Nico goes along with it anyway, though he’s not entirely sure why. This is hardly on the top of the list of things he was planning to do tonight, but maybe, on the odd occasion, socialisation with a stranger does end up being better than sitting around watching bad Adam Sandler movies and being bitter. Not that Nico would ever admit it.

Also, who knows – maybe the whole ghost buster thing could end up being a pretty good career change. Nico’s not really feeling being in marketing for the rest of his life. Or for a second more than he has to be. So that could work.

“Hey, Will,” he calls. “Wanna go into business as professional paranormal activity experts?”

“Sure,” Will says. “I’ll come up with a theme song. We’ll probably get sued for being crap, though.”

Nico waves him off from the other side of the room. “I’m pretty sure whether or not you have been released from the haunting of a supernatural entity is a matter of opinion, and entirely subjective.”

He turns to look at Will, who is stood by the wall trying to look behind the photo frames and tiny flower pots (seriously?) for any, like, small 666 signs or something, presumably, and absent-mindedly thinks about how he has great legs.

“I’m pretty sure it isn’t,” Will says, turning around, and yeah. Great legs. “But it’s fine. We’ll work with it. You found anything?”

“Nope,” Nico says. “Zilch.”

“Me too,” Will frowns. “Subtle, ghost, subtle. I’ll give you credit for that. You’ve got moves.”

“It isn’t real,” Nico says. Because probably.

“Or it’s just more subtle than you are,” Will says, shaking his head. “My legs are great. I’m with you there.”

Nico blushes, and Will grins.

“Sorry if I-” he starts, but Will waves him off.

“I’m kidding,” he says. “It’s fine. Also, it’s been ages since we set the camera up, shall we go and check it?”

Nico blinks. “It’s literally been about forty-five minutes. If that.”

“Like I said, it’s been ages.”

::

They turn the footage onto fast forward, and watch for any – Nico doesn’t know what. Demonic figures. Floating plates. Suddenly falling kitchen appliances, or something like that.

Nothing happens, though. It’s a still image of a kitchen (with Will’s evening-breakfast still spread out, all over the floor, nice) that just happens to be the backdrop for a bit of blur and zoom indications, and a clock showing the time at the bottom.

But nothing happens.

“There!” Will says. “Nico, go back, I saw something!”

It turns out, all that Will saw was a bit of dust moving in the corner between the wall and the cupboard.

“You disgust me,” Nico says. “Clean your kitchen. Also, the cereal.”

“I don’t know if I should. Can’t I send stuff like that in to be analysed in labs and stuff? Is that a thing?”

“No,” Nico replies. “Clean it up. I’ve almost slipped on that milk at least three times.”

::

Like a good Samaritan, Nico offers to help clean up the cereal disaster, and promptly slips on the milk.

::

“See,” Will tells him, holding an ice pack to his head, which he had hit pretty hard on one of his kitchen counters. “I told you weird incidents and disasters kept happening here.”

“I slipped on spilled cereal ingredients,” Nico reminds him. “If you always leave your paranormal encounters left around on the floor like that, no wonder you’re always tripping over.”

Will frowns. “That’s a fair point,” he says. “I’m still recording some more, though. Just in case.”

“You do that,” Nico says encouragingly. “I’ll just. Be here. Icing.”

“Ah, right,” Will says, biting his lip. “Sorry about that. Your injury, I mean.”

“It’s okay,” Nico replies. “I mean. I don’t know what I was expecting when I came over here today, but it probably should have been something like this.”

“I… kind of feel like I should be offended right now,” Will frowns.

“Can you blame me? The first day we met, you dropped a box on my toe,” Nico points out, and Will’s eyes widen.

“Oh god, I’d forgotten about that! I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t be,” Nico says quickly. “It’s fine. All is forgiven.”

“Maybe it was the poltergeist?”

Nico groans on impulse. “Please stop,” he says, and when Will looks at him a little strangely, he feels self-conscious, and asks, “what?”

“Nothing, it’s just…”

“What?”

“You sounded a lot like the ghost noises I hear at night just then.”

Oh, fuck.

::

They manage to leave the recording going this time for almost an hour. Key word: almost. They spend the time sat dutifully in Will’s bedroom, googling things like, “paranormal activity detection”, and “is there a ghost in my house”, and “are ghosts adverse to fish?” on their phones.

It’s been a long time since Nico was in a guy’s bedroom as the clock neared towards midnight. He’s usually wearing a lot less clothes and not researching the likelihood of having a poltergeist in a newly-built block of New York apartments, but he’s having a pretty good time regardless. Maybe on occasion, the supernatural is better than sex. He considers this, and then decides that probably isn’t true. Maybe they should be combined. Will is still pretty, after all. Sex and the Supernatural. If the ghost buster business doesn’t work out, at least he has a great name for his future T V show.

“Will, the building isn’t haunted,” Nico says, for probably the 59th time. Nothing I’ve found backs up your idea. And if it did, it wouldn’t matter. It’s the internet. It’s all bullshit.”

“Well someone’s feeling cynical,” Will says, and Nico couldn’t agree more.

“That’s me,” Nico agrees. “Full time cynic. Non-believer. Para-sceptic.”

“…Who believes in aliens?”

Nico scowls. “We’ve been through this.”

::

They check the tape again, and there’s nothing.

“I told you so,” Nico sings gleefully, and Will glares at him.

“I don’t like you,” he says. “I’m glad I dropped box on your foot.”

“Hey!”

::

Will, as a good, courteous neighbour (who is blatantly copying Nico’s ideas) offers Nico a cup of coffee.

“I thought you said it always goes drastically wrong,” Nico reminds him, wearily.

“Oh, yeah,” Will says.  “But I mean what’s life without a little risk? And it’s not like anyone has ever died.”

“That… doesn’t really reassure me, to be honest.”

Will rolls his eyes. “Live a little.”

Nico laughs, and when Will gives him a questioning look, he just says, “come on. Isn’t that a little ironic? We’re literally searching for a ghost right now. And you’re telling me to live a little. Jesus Christ.”

“Get out of my house,” Will says. And then. “Do you think I offended it?”

Nico does accept the tea, though. Mostly because he wants to see how horrifically bad this can go. Also, he’s never been one to turn down free coffee. Also, he’s running out of coffee at his own place, and it’s the strategically correct way to go.

Will takes extra care getting the milk out and boiling the kettle and pouring the water into the mug without accidentally burning half of his skin off. He’s doing quite well, actually, Nico was expecting more disasters by now. He’s pleasantly surprised.

Will hands Nico his cup of tea with a proud look on his face. “Didn’t even injure myself,” he beams. “I’m very proud.”

“I’m proud too,” Nico tells him. “Go on. Have your tea. You deserve it.”

“I do,” Will agrees. His tea is on the counter, cooling down, and Will glances at it. “I’m the master.”

“You are.”

“I’m glad we can agree.”

“How could I ever disagree?” Nico says. “Come on. High five.”

Will grins. Nico thinks about kissing him for 0.2 seconds until he promptly rejects the thought. He’s still a stranger, even if they have gone on this ghost hunt together, and discussed business initiative, and he’s really cute. That changes nothing. Obviously.

He raises his hand in waiting.

And then, as Will reaches up to give him said high five, disaster strikes. To be fair, it was bound to eventually. But as Will’s hand raises up to meet Nico’s, his elbow goes flying out in the direction of the counter, and the mug, in the collision, goes flying, and topples off behind Will’s arm and crashes onto the floor and promptly splits into about ten different pieces as the tea drenches the cupboards, the newly cleaned floor, and Will’s leg.

“See!” he exclaims. “This is what I mean! Things like this! They happen constantly! I’m cursed, I tell you, what the hell.”

“Will,” Nico says slowly. “You do realise that you knocked the mug off the counter, right? Not some ghost or invisible being. It was literally you. Hence the coffee on your elbow.”

“Yeah,” Will says. “I mean, that’s usually what happens, but that doesn’t mean a ghost isn’t here, dictating the events.”

Nico gapes at him. “Oh my god,” he mutters. “Will! You idiot, you’re not being haunted, you’re just clumsy.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not just clumsiness,” Will argues weakly, but Nico knows that they both know he’s right. “It happens way too often to be a coincidence.”

“It’s not a coincidence,” Nico says.

“Yeah,” Will agrees. “I have a poltergeist.”

“No you don’t. It’s normal. It even has a name.”

“It does?”

“Yeah. It’s called really clumsy.”

“Ah,” Will says. He seems to ponder the thought for a moment. “Maybe I’m not being haunted then.”

“Did you mean, no shit?” Nico says, sarcastically, and Will laughs.

“Okay, you were right, I suppose,” Will shrugs. “It was kind of fun though, right? I hope I didn’t waste your evening. To be honest though, I don’t know for sure yet. I’m still not entirely convinced. It could just be hiding from you.”

“Nah, you didn’t. I mean, I had fun,” Nico says. Will gives him a small smile. Nico realises that the amount of emotion they are lowkey showing is disgusting, and dives into the other topic. “To be honest, you might be right, it could be,” he says, and he nods.

“Or maybe you’re the ghost. And you’ve just dressed yourself up in human form.”

Nico shrugs. He kind of really wants to kiss him, still. He can’t believe he’d spent his whole Friday night searching for a ghost. The things he’ll do for a cute boy is quite embarrassing. “You have no way of knowing,” he says, egging Will on.

Will pokes him in the side. “Hmm,” he says. “Feels real, to be honest.”

Nico gives him an innocent look. “Well, I mean,” he says. “There’s only a few ways to find out. Proper scientists conduct investigations, don’t they?”

“Experiments are very important in any case of paranormal activity,” Will agrees, a glint in his eye, and a grin on his face. Nico smiles back, too, and Will’s eyes drop to his lips and linger. Nico may not be quite as subtle as the poltergeist, but at least it’s led him to be able to take a hint.

He leans in quickly, and before he can change his mind he presses a chaste, gentle kiss on Will’s lips, lasting for a few seconds, before he pulls back, only half an inch, still so close to Will, and says, “wait, shit. That’s what we were talking about, right? I didn’t get the wrong idea?”

Will laughs a little. “That’s what we were talking about,” he confirms. “And you had exactly the right idea.”

Nico breathes out a sigh of relief, and Will pulls him closer and kisses him again, properly this time, slow. And if this is what the ghost chase has been leading up to this whole time then yeah, Nico definitely hasn’t wasted his Friday night. They keep kissing, slow and soft, and Nico can’t help but smile against his lips.

Maybe neighbours aren’t all bad, he thinks.

“Wait,” Will says, pulling back. “Maybe we should go to your place. You know, just in case the ghost is watching.” There’s a twinkle in his eye, and Nico wants to groan, but he wants to kiss him more and so he does, and again, before he actually answers him.

“Thought I was the ghost,” he says, and Will shakes his head.

“Nah,” he says. “I think you’re normal. Well, to an extent. You did just assist a near stranger in a hunt for paranormal activity for the past, like, four hours.”

Nico rolls his eyes. “Never mind,” he says. “Poltergeist or no poltergeist, I can’t do this here. I’ll be too distracted by the memory of searching for signs of the illuminati.”

Will laughs, and kisses him again. Says, “yours, then?” and yeah. Nico can work with that.

::

The last time Nico invited a boy back to his apartment past midnight was a while ago, and though it didn’t come after a lengthy search of a non-existent (he hopes) poltergeist and the emergence of a career in ghost busting, he has to admit that he likes the way it went a lot better this time.

[fireandgloryrpg]

Congratulations Tilly and welcome! We’re so happy to accept your application to play Celia Doherty with the faceclaim of Natalia Dyer in Fire & Glory RPG! We can’t wait to begin roleplaying with you so please remember to look over our checklist!

!! tw: depression, gore, blood,  suicidal urges !!

Name: tilly

Pronouns:  she/her

Age: 19 - birthday is feb 19

Timezone: gmt +1

Triggers: none that aren’t on the list yet

Activity: i’m a full-time uni student and i’m going to apply for a job next year; so most of my activity will take place in the evenings. i’ll be online a few times each week, but i’m basically always lurking (re: my discord activity you know me lol) so i’d say a solid 7/10

Anything Else?: i blame rosie and dana for dragging me back in pjo hell i didn’t plan it

also i have a pin board for my girl here

Original Character Information

Name: Celia Edith Doherty

Age and Birthday: 18, born on June 27th, 1999

Faceclaim: Natalia Dyer (alternatively; Sabrina Carpenter)

Heritage: Daughter of Asteria

Abilities: Prophetic dreams, smoke screen summoning, excellent night vision (former), photokinesis (former)

Affiliation: Former legionnaire of the third cohort; now part-time legionnaire of the fifth cohort.

Headcanons:

Celia got her guide puppy, a samoyed, who was kicked out of the guide dog program. She took pity on the thing (and the fact that he had perfectly soft fur helped a lot) and devoted her life to training him, together with Puck. She named him Mozart, because Tchaikovsky is her favorite composer but his name is too complicated for her to pronounce.

Her life motto is the dog Latin phrase ‘illegitimi non carborundum’, or ‘don’t let the bastards get you down’. Celia was depressed for a long time after losing her sight and her third cohort family, and lots of Romans are surprisingly cruel to blind girls alone in the city, which didn’t exactly help. After shedding many tears for her deplorable situation, she picked up the pieces of who she used to be and glued them together into a new version of herself, with a little help from her friends.

Due to her dyslexia, Celia was never a big fan of reading, but when she discovered audiobooks and braille, her whole life changed. Words didn’t swim off the page and she found another way to fill her head with stories - even though she still has to take breaks after ‘reading’ giant chunks of text in one go.

Biography:

!! tw: depression, gore, blood,  suicidal urges !!

Asteria, the goddess of nocturnal oracles and falling stars, was also known as the personification of the island of Delos, otherwise known as the birthplace of the archer twins, Apollo and Artemis. However, anyone who truly knew the titaness, also knew that this was complete bullshit: she wasn’t an island. Sure, she blessed Delos and became its patron goddess. No one ever saw Poseidon as literally being the sea, so why would they see her as an actual island? The fact that she loved Delos was true, though, which was one of the reasons why her child was born there, even though she was conceived all the way in Phoenix, Arizona. Quickly after her sister Leto made her realize that raising a little demigod wasn’t something a goddess was supposed to do, she dropped the baby off with her father, Ronan Doherty, who still lived in Phoenix. After he got over the initial shock of being a father without asking or any form of preparation, he raised the child, whom he named Celia, with as much love as any parent would.

Ronan always knew his daughter was a little different, but Asteria had not revealed her identity to him. The reasons why his daughter stood out, therefore, remained a mystery to both of them. Celia, now a talented ballerina, was put in a special program at both her primary school and high school, because she was such a slow learner. In addition, she saw a psychologist twice a week for additional support. Around her thirteenth birthday, she had enough of people prodding at her and feeling like the odd one out, so she ran away from home with her father’s permission, who received a dream vision from Asteria, telling him to let their daughter go. She would soon find the wolf house and train there with Lupa until she was ready to make her way down to Camp Jupiter.

Unsurprisingly, Celia flourished at Camp. She joined the ballet school in New Rome, and quickly became one of its top students. After saving a centurion from poison, which she foresaw in her prophetic dreams, she was taken off probatio and placed in the third cohort, which appreciated her myriad of valuable skills as a demigod. Her smokescreens protected the legion during the war games and, in combination with her photokinesis, could cause temporary blindness to the opposing teams. She was also an excellent tracker because of her night vision.

Of course, this would all prove to be terribly ironic. When she was sixteen, in her third year of service, while on guard duty outside the Caldecott tunnel, a drakon made its way to the Roman entrance. The alarm was sounded, but before the first javelin could hit the massive drakon that had pinned Celia to the ground, the acidic venom from its open mouth had dripped into her eyes. The healers tried to save her first, then the specialized medics, then the surgeons of New Rome, but to no avail; she was permanently blinded, her retina damaged beyond repair. The third cohort had too much pride to be concerned with the burden of a blind legionnaire, so she was kicked out and forced to move to the city and learn how to live her life differently.

It was hard, as was to be expected. Her ballet teacher took her in when she had nowhere else to go, because Celia was practically homeless after the legion rejected her. After staying with her teacher for about half a year, she realized that her situation was never going to change, and she might as well give up her ballet dreams, which all seemed so childish in hindsight; who would care if she danced the part of Giselle, when her life was being threatened every day, as a soldier? Inevitably, she would just disappoint her teacher or give her false hopes, so she asked her best friend Puck for help; he persuaded his cousin to take Celia in, which is where she lived for the next year and a half.

Now that she’s eighteen, Celia deemed herself worthy of joining the legion once again. She trained with her best friend, who taught her everything he learned in the fifth cohort; her four remaining senses are heightened to what she believes is their maximum; and her smokescreens are even stronger than they used to be. Still, only the fifth cohort would take her, but this wasn’t a big deal. Even though it’s only part-time, and she still lives in New Rome with Puck’s cousin the majority of the time, she’s still a legionnaire again, and she found new purpose and room for her dreams. Even her feet are itching to stand onpointe again.

Para Sample:

“Celia, do you see that?”

She squinted against the light of the sun. In the distance, vaguely, she detected a whirlwind of fire - was that hair? - chasing a boy. He couldn’t be much older than sixteen, judging by his height and the way he was built, but he was running at lightning speed. Rapidly, Celia flipped through her mental index of monsters, searching for the species she would face in about three minutes.

Empousai. Vampire ladies that like to suck boys dry (but let’s be real, they probably hated girls too). Danger level: probably a seven out of ten. Weakness: mismatched legs, imperial gold, celestial bronze.

Your basic average monster, really. Readjusting her helmet, tightening her grip on her sword and focusing her gaze on the demigod running towards them, Celia stepped forward, before being stopped by her fellow guard. “He’s a graecus,” Marcus said, and she could see his frown deepening as he pointed towards the orange stripe that was faintly visible beneath the sweater. “What? Who cares, he’s gonna die if we don’t help him! Octavian is dead, so get your segregation bullshit away from me,” she hissed, after which she ran towards the Greek demigod, sensing that Marcus was following from the constant thud on the ground.

Every few steps, the demigod turned to slash at the empousa, but to no avail. She could see cuts on his arms, his sweater torn in multiple places, now that she was closer. “Edward Cullen would be very disappointed, lady!” she shouted in an attempt to distract the monster. Monsters. There were three of them. Marcus fought alongside her, yes, but very halfheartedly, and all while throwing insults at the Greek. Things about where he could stick his celestial bronze, how he should go back where he came from because he was the reason those monsters attacked now, and more stuff like that, but the new demigod had some very witty comebacks Celia was impressed by. “Can you boys maybe get over yourselves and… I don’t know,” she grunted, blocking a kick from a bronze hoof with her shield, “Help out a little?”

The rest of the battle was a blur, because her ADHD and instincts took over. When the monsters had crumbled to dust, finally, she cleaned some of their weirdly-colored blood from her sword with her shirt, staining it. Badass. Still panting, she ignored both of the boys and walked back towards the tunnel entrance, expecting them to follow. “I’m not letting him in,” Marcus grumbled. “Don’t be an asshole. Please, just let me in? I’m hungry and tired and I was almost vampire dinner.” After more protests from Marcus, Celia interrupted. “We’re taking him in, and that’s final. He’s not dying on my watch. What’s your name, Speedy?”

“Puck.”

“Cool. I’m Celia.”

“Celia, do you see that?”

Another day on guard duty, but this time, there was no demigod running towards her. Jake had joined her instead of Marcus, who’d been placed back on probatio after his little incident in the winter. The beast in the distance was bigger than they’d ever seen near camp, and the summer sun glinted off its scales, blinding Celia. “We can’t take it alone. Sound the alarm,” she said, already bolting towards the horn. Immediately, the battle cries of the Romans could be heard in the distance, but the drakon was accelerating. It would get to them before the campers did. She gulped. Jake, the bloody coward, had run inside the tunnel, screaming about the lizard to the coming troops, leaving Celia alone to deal with it. She had half a minute before it could get there.

Drakon. Do not confuse with dragon: much larger, much more deadly. Has its own sub-species, some of which can only be killed by children of Mars. Spews acidic venom. Danger level: solid 10/10. Weaknesses: none.

Just her luck. It was closer now. Her hand, the one holding her sword, was trembling. She’d never let her fear take over before, but she was paralyzed. Later, she’d learn that it wasn’t her fear, but the monster’s eyes that had caused her paralysis. She had no way of escape as the monster leaped at her, digging its claws into her shoulders and -

She screamed. All she could do was scream, even as the pressure left her chest after ten seconds, the drakon dropping dead after thirty, with approximately seventeen golden spears sticking out of its sides. At least, that was what Puck told her. Because she couldn’t see it.The pain wouldn’t leave her eyes for a solid month, the venom eating away at her retina, and eventually turning her eyes entirely white.

“Celia, do you see that? Oh, shit. Sorry.”

No. No, she doesn’t. And she never will.