#podcast fanfiction

[dysabria]

most of the time people get into fanfiction of a media AFTER they’ve consumed the media but i on the other hand have gotten into at least half of my favorite shows and books because i read a random amazing fanfiction about it one day and decided to go to the source

[americanoddysey]

GERRY. GERRY ARE YOU /J OR /SRS?!?!?!?!

chapter 26 of A Fresh Pair of Eyes is up!

[eye-prophet]

When i, the head archivist of the magnus institute (a nosy gay bitch) dont read any new statements (fanfiction) and fall into statement hunger (the need to read fanfiction) because statements feed me (fanfiction fuels my addiction)

[aktrashpanda]

A fucked up fairytale needs some fucked up stained glass.

One more from my MMM collaboration with @late-to-the-magnus-archives Read Blood and Sand here!

[meadow-lands-faerie]

Both the best and worst part of writing is having your best ideas at 3 in the morning, when you have exactly one minute to get every idea out of your brain.

[writtenbyan-aries]

Could you do the one bed trope and make it so smutty even god satan would blush if he read it 😈

Timeline | Zach Justice

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, swearing, unprotected sex, hair pulling, choking, biting, scratching, teasing, oral (both), squirting, creampie, consented picture taking, Zach being Zach, jokes, some fluff and heavy filth

Enjoy!

１１：３４ ＰＭ

You were excited to join Tara on the East coast for her live Dropout shows.

You weren’t excited about always being in close proximity with Zach. He just got under your skin and annoyed you in all the wrong ways, and he fed off of that.

Always getting you going to the point you end up bitching at him, rolling your eyes and shaking your head when he hits on you.

Although, you did find yourself liking him the longer you were around him, and it was getting harder for you to deny that you thought Zach was attractive - because come on, just looking at him is enough to make anyone wet.

“Do you want me to take your bags?”

You look at Zach confused, “Um, no. Why?”

He furrows his brows and then sighs, “Oohh, right yeah. Okay.” He looks around before he looks at you, “You were left the odd man out, so you’re with me for the night.”

Your arms drop limp at your sides, “You waited.. until now to tell me?”

You turn and look at Tara and she raises her brows, giving you a, you’re welcome, bitch, look because you drunkenly admitted one night that you thought Zach looked good, so she took it and ran with it.

A little too far, you thought.

But you were tired. You flew all day, you just wanted do shower and go to bed.

“Fine. Here.” You give you bags to Zach and he smirks, “Dibs on the bed.”

“Ooo.” You press your lips together, “Fuck you.”

He shrugs, “Hey, catch me at the right time and I’m open to anything.”

You roll your eyes, fighting back a smirk, “Why are we stuck on this side of the hotel?” You ask as you step onto the elevator.

Zach shrugs, “I think these are the only ones they had in a row, ours starts a new floor.”

“That’s weird.” You shake hour head, “Whatever. I’m tired. I call dibs on getting a shower first.”

“We could just get a shower together.” He smirks and you roll your eyes, “You say that to every girl.”

The doors to the elevator open with a ding and Zach shrugs, “Would it make a difference if I told you I made Tara put you with me?”

You scoff, looking over at him, “Why? You think I hate you.”

“Do you?” Zach asks as he unlocks the door. You swallow as he looks back at you and you laugh, “Well, I don’t, love you.”

Yes I do, You think as you walk in, turning around to wait for him to set down your bags. The door closes behind him and he looks down, “Oh, I think you do.”

Fuck.

You go to take your bag, but he holds onto it and you huff, “I swear to god Zach. Just let me go-“

You stop, biting down on the inside of your cheek as you purse your lips, “Fine. If you want to play this game. Two can play.”

He shakes his head, giving you a confused look until you slip your sweatshirt up over your head, revealing your bare chest and skin Zach has only ever dreamed of seeing.

“Did I finally shut the Zach Justice up? Wow.” You tease as you walk to the bathroom, “That wasn’t an invite by the way.”

You leave him out there speechless as you close the bathroom door fully before you go turn the shower on to allow the water heat up as you take off the rest of your clothes.

You get in, allowing the hot water to wash over your body and you can’t help but let out slight groan.

After flying all day, this felt so good.

And you were going to sleep in that bed, too.

１１：５４ ＰＭ

As you finished up, you turned the water off and opened up the door. You reached out grabbing the towel and drying off some before stepping out.

You slipped the robe on from the back of the door and twisted your hair up in the towel before walking out, “Shower is free.”

Zach looks up from the chair and nods.

You can’t help but smirk, “hm.”

“What.” Zach snaps as he walks by, stopping right behind you. You glance over your shoulder, “Nothing, it’s just so weird when you’re not running your mouth. I mean.”

You turn around, looking up at him, “It’s soo peaceful, don’t get me wrong but still.. weird.”

He rolls his eyes, “Mm, well maybe if I wasn’t distracted by figuring out what that whole ordeal before your shower was.”

You shrug, “You continuously get under my skin.. I wanted to have a turn for once.”

You turn around, bending down to dig your pajamas out of your suit case. Zach watches as you stand back up, shaking his head as he turns to walk towards the bathroom.

You turned around, staring in the direction of the bathroom wondering to yourself why that didn’t get him to touch you.

Even when you said it wasn’t an invitation, it really was and he should have known that, well. To you at least.

You roll your eyes, undoing your robe before you take your hair out of the towel. You bend down, pulling a pair of lace panties up your legs before taking off your robe and replacing it with an oversized tee.

You set your towels on the floor and grabbed the tv remote before crawling into the bed.

As you were clicking through the channels, Zach comes out from the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist as he stares at you. You glance over at him and you don’t realize you’re staring at first, but how could you not.

His hair still wet and slightly dripping down onto his skin that was still hot, he had steam rolling off of him.

He smirks and you blinked a few times, looking back at the tv, “It’s a big bed, Justice. You can share for one night.”

You hear him chuckle, which causes a smirk to raise the corners of your lips. You clenched your jaw as you notice Zach drop his towel in your peripheral vision, “Mm I see. Taking notes from the better player huh.”

He pulls up his shorts and turns around, flicking the light off as he walks over to the other side of the bed, “You seemed to enjoy it, might as well see what the hype was all about.”

He pulls the blankets back and gets in, moving down to get comfortable.

“Uh huh. Okay.” You reach over, your shirt riding up as you set the tv remote down. Zach glances over, catching sight of the slight lace sticking out and he fights back a groan as he looks away when you lean back over.

１２：１０ ＡＭ

You let out a sigh as you cuddle up into the bed, facing away from him, “Goodnight, Zach.”

Zach keeps his eyes on you for a few seconds, and you can feel it, “Mm, goodnight, sweetheart.”

Your stomach does the little flip and all you can think about is how he is right fucking there.

No, no.

At this point, you’re in a game of cat and mouse, basically waiting to see who cracks first.

You lay there, pretending like you’ve fallen asleep until you actually do doze off.

１２：４７ ＡＭ

Zach laid there, staring at the back of your head while he half listened to the tv in the background.

He wanted to so badly move over and pull you away from the edge of the bed and into his chest, and even though you wanted him to, he still didn’t know that.

His mind kept bouncing back and forth at how you acted before your shower and getting into bed with him, especially dressed like that.

He let out a quiet sigh and moved a few inches across the king sized bed towards you before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

０２：２６ ＡＭ

You lift your head, looking around slightly confused before you turn your head the other way, catching glimpse of a, slightly closer Zach, snoring quietly in the tv light.

You bite your lip, moving just a tad bit closer to him, shuffling the blankets around your body before you fall back to sleep.

０３：０９ ＡＭ

Your eyes fluttered open, moving around the darkness of the hotel room.

You could tell Zach was closer to you, but you couldn’t tell how close. You slowly rolled over, reaching over to blindly feel around for the tv remote.

As soon as it’s in your grasp, you move to switch the tv back on. Your head snaps over at Zach who starts to stir around, “You okay?”

“Yeah.” You whisper, reaching over to set the remote back on the nightstand, “I can’t sleep without tv, I’m sorry.”

“You’re fine, sweetheart.” He mumbles in a sleep yet sexy raspy tone that makes your heart flutter.

You nod, even though he can’t see you, in response and try to subtly move back down to get comfortable.

After tossing and turning for a minute or two, Zach shifts around and lays on his side to face you, his arm stretches out over your thighs, “C’mere.”

You stare at him for a few seconds and he opens his eyes, squinting one of them to block out the bright white light from the tv, “Am I going to have to drag you over here?”

You shake your head, scooting over to slip in against his body.

Your back to his chest.

His arm resting under your head as his other arm lays over your waist, securing you against him and it’s not long before he’s back to snoring softly.

０３：３２ ＡＭ

Your eyes move over the city lights out the window, once again. You move your head, letting out a sigh as you try to sleep again.

For the last 20 minutes or so, you’ve been unable to sleep. One thing on your mind and you were now itching to get it.

You bit down on the inside of your lip as your hips slowly moved back to grind against Zach’s crotch.

Nothing.

You pouted slightly as you decided to give it another go, this time a little bit harder.

No response.

You pushed your ass against his crotch once more, rolling slightly until you felt his cock rest perfectly on the line of your asscheeks.

Your bit down on your lip, slowly grinding your ass up and down harder as you rest your head on the pillow, fighting back an impatient whimper.

Right when you’re about to stop, Zach’s hand presses down onto your waist, “Don’t start something you can’t finish, babe.”

You smirk, turning your head slightly when you feel his cock twitch against your ass, “Did I catch you at a good time?”

Zach rolls you over and your lips are instantly on his as you lay a hand on his neck, “Anytime is a good time for you.”

His hand pulls your leg over his hip and his hand slides around to push your hips to meet his, letting out a groan when he grinds up against your lace covered pussy.

You gasp, “What took you so long?”

Zach chuckles, “Wanted to see if you’d break first.”

You roll your eyes, smiling as you lean in, “Well, looks like you won.” you peck his lips, dragging your nails down his chest and torso.

Zach pulls you onto him, making you straddle his lap, “I knew you loved me.”

You grind down onto him as you lean down to kiss up his neck, “The flirting with the other female guests stops now.”

“Stopped the minute I saw you.” Zach smiles and smirk down at him, “As it should have.”

He rolls over, pushing your shirt up and kissing the, still new to him, area of skin, groaning as he takes one of your nipples into his mouth.

You gasp out, fingers lacing through his hair, “Zach.” You look down at him, watching him suck on your boob before he moves over to the other one, giving it the same treatment as the other.

Moans escape your lips and you tug on his hair, earning a groan from him.

０３：４８ ＡＭ

He kisses up between your boobs before skipping over your bunched up shirt to attack your neck. His hand slides down, caressing your hip before he slips a finger in and drags it across the waist band of your panties, “Did you put these on specifically for me?”

You bite your pointer finger, looking up at him as you give him a shrug, “Maybe. Do you like them?”

Zach smirks, leaning down to kiss down to the hem of your panties, “They really are sexy.” He pulls them down your legs, “I’m more interested in what’s under them at the moment.”

You smirk, spreading your legs as soon as they are over your ankles. Zach slides his hands up the back of your thighs, pushing your legs back before he moves down and leans in.

You gasp when you feel his tongue slip inside of you, hand moving to slap onto the back of his head, “Fuck, fuck.”

He groans against you, fingers digging into the back of your thighs as he indulges in the taste of you for the first time.

Your back arches off the bed, hips trying to roll as you feel like you need more, “M-more.” You whimper out, “Please.”

Zach lifts his head just as you look down at him and you let out a moan, pulling him up for a kiss.

He crawls up, plopping his body down on yours as he lets you attack his lips. His hand slides up your side, coming to a stop as he grips your boob.

You bite down on his lip, earning a groan from him, “I’ve thought about you..” You whisper, catching his attention.

He lifts his head, breathing out, “When?”

Your eyes bounce from his lips to his eyes, “When I wanted you but couldn’t have you.”

He rolls his eyes playfully, “Please, that was your fault for not calling me.” He look at you, “I would have even settled for a random picture.”

“A picture, huh?” You lean in, “Still want one?”

He looks at you, a look of shocked excitement on his face, “of course I do.”

You bite your lip, “My Polaroid camera is in my suitcase.”

“That picture is going in my wallet.” Zach pecks your lips before scurrying off to get your camera. He pulls out the lenses to turn it on as he climbs back over top of you.

０４：０２ ＡＭ

He straddles your thighs and leans over slightly to allow light from the tv to guide him on where to hold the camera.

You bite down on your lip, holding your shirt over your chin. You blink as the flash quickly illuminates the room and you look up, watching as Zach takes the small picture and shakes it.

He looks down at you and as soon as his eyes meet yours, it’s like something switches within you both, and both of your little devils have come out to play.

You slip your shirt off over your head, grabbing the camera to take a picture of your boobs, your arm loosely holding them together.

“Goddamn.” Zach groans as his eyes scan up and down your body, “I should have just cracked, dammit.”

He his slide up your body as he leans down, kissing up your naked body beneath him, “Could have had you like this sooner.”

He kisses up your neck, “Could have known that you taste so much better than I ever fucking thought.”

Zach swearing is such a turn on.

You slide a hand up to his neck, squeezing gently as he pushes his shorts down his thighs and in one swift motion, his cock is slowly slipping inside of you.

０４：１１ ＡＭ

He groans lowly as you gasp, your walls squeezing his cock in a tight welcome while your hand squeezes harder.

“I could cum right now.” Zach mumbles, jaw going slack as he pulls out and slowly thrusts back in. You let out a whimper, smirking at how he brings his hand up for you to squeeze harder.

Now your jaw is slack, watching Zach melt into your touch, “I knew you were a slut.”

He furrows his brows, shaking his head slightly, “That’s crazy.” He brings his hand up, pinning you down by your throat, “I thought the same thing about you.”

You smile, eyes rolling back as his thrusts speed up, “Fuck, yes yes yes.” You whine out, back arching off the bed as you feel yourself growing closer to orgasm, “S-so close.”

Your hand drag down his chest, leaving red lines on his skin from your nails. He pulls out and your eyes snap open, words flying from your lips from the sudden loss, “You could have came in me!”

０４：２６ ＡＭ

Zach raises his brows, “I’m not done.” He moves his hand, indicating for you to roll over onto your stomach, “But it’s good to know you want me to do that.”

You feel your cheek heat up at the thought of what you said, but you loved the idea, “Just as long as we have time to get another shower before we meet everyone.”

Zach delivers a smack to your ass and you let out a slight yelp, looking back at him over your shoulder, “A simple yes would have worked.”

“Didn’t you like that?” He tilts his head and as you go to answer, another quick smack is delivered but to your other ass cheek, giving it a matching print as the other.

“Just shut up and fuck me.” You roll your eyes and within a second, Zach’s hand is around your neck and you’re gasping for air, “I guess..” Zach chuckles and presses a kiss just below your ear, “I can tell you that I absolutely hate when you roll your eyes at me.”

You part your lips to try and speak, even though you know it’s useless, but Zach’s cock thrusting back into you cuts off every thought you have in this very moment.

“The only time I ever want you rolling your eyes is when I’m making you feel good, understood?”

You were caught off guard by Zach’s sudden dominating demeanor.

Yeah, you have thought about it, and you mainly could only bring yourself to believe that Zach was goofy and had the occasional moments of seriousness.

But fuck, was this better than you could have ever imagined.

He groans lowly in your ear, your eyes fighting to stay open as you feel him push his hips fully against you, his cock pushing in as deep as it can go, “Did you think of me when you touched yourself?”

He loosens his grip and you squeak out a weak, “Yes.”

He drags his hand down to your hip, giving it a squeezed, “Tell me what you thought of.” Zach continues to slowly thrust his hips and you whimper out, “I-I.. you, me.”

“C’mon baby, you can do it.” Zach whispers as he brushes hair from your neck, “I know you’re not shy with me.”

“Fuck, Zach.” You moan out, trying to push your hips back to meet his, “Us, having sex, doing this.” You turn your head towards his and he presses his lips to your cheek, “that all?”

Zach’s thrusts were painfully too slow for you at this point, “N-no. No.” You squeeze your eyes shut, fighting then urge to roll your eyes, “I think about your hands, especially when we’re on set and you grab that mic.. I think about your hands on my body instead..”

You gasp at the sudden change of pace, gripping the sheets as you realize your dirty talk is getting you what you want.

“You think of me like that on set?” Zach asks, shocking surprised.

You nod, furrowing your brows as you squeeze his cock, “I think of how they would feel inside of me.” You bite down on your lip, “Mouth or pussy.”

“Fucking Christ.” Zach groans lowly, slipping two of his fingers into your mouth.

04:45 AM

You moan as your tongue swirls around them, bringing your one hand up to lay on his wrist.

His thrusts pick up before stopping abruptly. You’re rolled into your back and the fingers that were once in your mouth are shoved into hour soaked cunt.

You gasp, arching your back as Zach’s fingers immediately curl upward, “Doin’ so well for me. Look at you.”

He reaches up, fingers gripping your chin. You pout slightly, moaning loudly as you feel yourself getting closer than you’ve been to your peak and you needed it so bad.

Your lips part and Zach takes the opportunity to slip his thumb between them. You wrap your hand around his wrist, moaning around his thumb as you suck.

“Good girl.”

Your eyes open at his words and he smirks, his head shooting down to your pussy as you feel a sudden, and literal, gush of pleasure.

“Fuck fuck fuck.” You tense up, Zach’s hand sliding down to your neck as he returns his gaze to you, “That was the hottest thing I have ever witnessed with my own eyes, holy hell.”

You bite down onto your lip, smiling shyly as he spread the new wetness over your pussy. You sit up slightly and he meets you halfway, attacking your lips as his fingers slip back inside of you.

“My turn.” You breathe out, moving to sit up onto your knees. Zach’s hands find their place on your hips, pulls you into him as he squeezes.

You slide your hands down, pushing him back to break apart the action, “Lay back.”

Zach moves to lay on his back, one arm tucked behind his head while his other rested on the bed next to his thigh.

He pulls his lip between his teeth as his eyes follow you, watching as you lay between his legs as your eyes ogle his cock that’s resting against his stomach.

You flip your hair from your face and a sharp breath exits Zach’s lips as you gently move to wrap your hand around him, slowly pumping your hand as your swipe your thumb over his achy and leaky tip.

You lick your lips before parting them to accept his cock between them. You close your eyes as Zach’s low groans fill the room.

You feel him brings his other hand down to gather your hair for a makeshift ponytail before it returns to the spot behind his head.

A sudden jolt of his hips causes you to gag and Zach can’t help but chuckle, “Taking me so well.” He breathes out, panting as you work up a solid rhythm for bobbing your head.

He gasps, whimpering slightly as your tongue laps at the underside of his cock, “F-fu-“ his grip tightens on your hair, earning a muffled whimper from you.

“Shit.” Zach throws his head back, back arching slightly off the bed before his hands are moving you off of him.

He leans forward, crawling down to meet your lips, “You’re so fucking good at that, too.”

You smirk within the kiss and next thing you know, you’re bend over again.

His hands on your waist, pulling you back into his cock with a groan. Your fingers gather the sheets and you grip them hard as Zach’s thrusts aren’t soft and sweet.

They’re rough and dominating, he practically has you screaming into the sheets you’re holding onto for dear life.

He slides his hand against your scalp, gathering as much hair as he can before yanking your head back, “Let me hear how good you feel, sweetheart.”

All you can do is moan, and loudly at that.

You push your hips back into him, clenching around him as you feel yourself working on your next, and hopefully your last orgasm - you were getting tired, and you most definitely needed sleep after this.

０５：２５ ＡＭ

“Almost there.” Zach groans as he leans forward, forehead resting on your shoulder as he continues to jolt your body forward with each one of his thrusts.

Zach’s head leaves your shoulder, but only for both of his hands to slide around to the front of your neck. You moan as you tilt your head back, allowing him more room to grab.

He pulls your upper body up, railing into your as your back arches from the overwhelming pleasure. His hands on your neck tighten, cutting off your moans which turn them into weak whimpers and squeaks.

You feel that tightening band in your belly snap and your body falls as far forward as Zach will allow.

He moves his hands to your shoulders and you gasp, head falling down as he uses the grip on your shoulders to pull your body back into his. He groans, hips stuttering as you feel his cock twitch inside of you.

You moan at the feeling, whimpering when your body is laid on the bed.

You keep your eyes closed, trying to steady your breathing and you feel the bed dip down beside you. Zach leans down, pressing a kiss to your temple, “Let’s go for a shower, sweetheart.”

Zach’s voice is soft and gentle, along with his touch.

He slides his hand up and down your back, “You alive?”

You laugh, pushing yourself to roll over and look up at him, “I’m just shocked.”

“Shocked?” He asks pulling you to your feet.

You nod, “I never thought you had that kind of side to you.” You bite your lip, tilting your head, “Kinda makes me want to roll my eyes at you more often.”

He laughs, wrapping his arm around his waist before he goes serious, “Better make sure we have nothing planned a day or two after.”

“Why?” You ask as you flick the light to the bathroom on. Zach walks in, turning on the hot water as you close the door. He turns around, walking over to pin you up against it.

His lips moving against yours as his hands squeeze your wrists, “because, we’re just getting started, sweetheart.”

You laugh and shake your head, following him into the steam filled shower.

You expected round two to happen, but instead, you both seemed to just want to enjoy each other’s wet and soapy company.

“You really are beautiful.” He whispers as his hands drag bubbles over your body.

You smile, laying your head back to rest it against the front of his shoulder, “Yeah, you’re beautiful, too.” You giggle as you look over at him and he smirks, shaking his head.

You regretted labeling him as an annoying asshole, well. He is, but just not to you anymore.

“Alright.” You sigh, turning to rinse the soap from your body, “I don’t know what time is it, but I need a nap before we go for breakfast with the group.”

Zach nods, “Yeah, someone kept using their ass to try and wake me up. How weird is that?”

You wrap the towel around your body and your mouth drops, “So you were awake those first two tried?” You hand him a towel as he gets out, nodding, “Oh yeah. I wanted to see how long it took before you gave up.”

“You’re ridiculous.” You look up at him and he smirks, walking over to you, “No.” he pecks your lips, “I’m yours.”

You watch as he walks out, giving you a quick wink before he walks over to the bed. You’re standing there, taking everything that happened with Zach tonight, in.

“Um, babe.”

You smile at the nickname, walking out to see what’s going on, “Yeah, baby?”

He looks at you, “We’re going to need a Red Bull.. or two.” You look at him confused before he holds his phone up.

０６：３６ ＡＭ

“It’s almost seven?” You walk over to him, resting your head on his bare chest, “Why do we have to do things early?”

He runs his hand over your wet hair and sighs, “I ask myself that everyday and I still don’t have an answer.” He presses a kiss to your head, “If you want to nap quick, you can.”

You shake your head, “It’s fine. I’ll just.. stay up.” You laugh and look up at Zach.

He smiles, tucking already dry strands of hair behind your ear, “Well, we do have a little less than an hour, or so and I have an idea at keeping you awake.”

You look up at him, “As long as you promise to take it easy on me.”

Zach nods and presses his lips to yours, “Oh I promise.” He pushes you back to the bed, getting rid of your towel before you fall back onto it.

“Now.” Zach reaches up and turns your face to fully face his, “Eyes on me, baby.”

——

I’m actually screaming at this one. I kept thinking about this even when I wasn’t writing it. Please let me know what you thought. Thank you so much for reading and as always, I love you all so much!! 🖤

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

[dyingvictorian]

Not super refined but i like the vibes- fanart of “The coffin worm” on Ao3 by Dirthawker, couldnt find if they had a tumblr so if you know them send it their way!

[stonedficz]

✰ star shaped ✰

ch. 1 ❛ talk about being roux ❜

schlatt x streamer!reader

ch. 2 / ch. 3 / ch. 4

A/n: this is it. title is a pun. ENJOYYYYY‼️‼️‼️‼️

Most of my publishes will include music. Music is a HUGE part of writing for me, as it helps me set the tone for my work. If able, please listen as you read!

you were a whore for him. parasocially, of course.

Spending the past 4 years of your life obsessing over someone online was the most entertainment you could find besides trying to pass your college classes.

You had been a fan for years - literally, since 2020. You weren't there for the start of Schlatt's career, but by God, you wish you could've been. He gave you some inspiration to livestream/vlog stream just for fun. You had seen almost every video as soon as it released, every live, everything. Now, you just wanted to be like the big angry guy you watched videos of on your laptop, but better.

Maybe it was your college aspirations, the lack of support from your family, or something else - no matter what it was, you were here. 5 followers on twitch in.

Despite the lack of viewers, you continued streaming happily. You were meal prepping for the next week of work and school to try and save money. It just so happened to be a good content idea as well.

"So, if you look here," you patiently looked and pointed down at your frying pan, showing the camera and 3 viewers your pov. "- the roux is starting to burn. I'm gonna have to take it off the heat and try to add some more milk to fix the flavor. I don't have any more garlic powder so I can't remake it unfortunately." you frowned as you set the pan on a different eye, gently adding more milk. Your eyes flickered down to the chat on your phone.

"whats a roux"

A heavy sigh left your mouth, you had been at this for 2 hours. Streaming, that is. Now you didn't have the patience to answer questions. Then you saw a notification.

BigGuy is live now! Streaming: fixing my minecraft house

"Alright my friends, I think it's time for me to go." you smiled at the camera and waved. "The roux needs my whole attention, so I'll see you 3 later!" God, you were a terrible liar. You hit end stream pretty abruptly, immediately clicking on the notification.

"Hey guys, thanks for joining in," Schlatt breathed as he sat in his chair, turning side to side. He just looked at his screen blankly for a few minutes, occasionally making comments. TTS hadn't started yet but you were anxious to get your message in first. Anything to get his attention.

"Remember, TTS starts at 25 you broke bitches. I don't wanna hear about it being too expensive. Postcards are 50! Let's see what's in the mailbo-" He was cut off by the normal loud TTS voice.

"hi handsome! good to see you on again! I finished up my stream right when you started. have a good time <3 - cookkizkill" you typed in at light speed. Somehow, someway, the past 5 streams you had made it in as the first TTS donation. Pure luck.

"Oh God, not you again you little fuck. How do you manage to get the FIRST TTS in every damn time??? Competitive ass bitch. But thank you anyways.” he yelled and laughed, opening up his mailbox in the game. It didn't matter that he made fun of you - that was his persona, it didn't mean much. All you cared about was being seen. God, you were obsessed.

It went further than this. You GENUINELY were interested in Schlatt - you didn't even know his name. You were the obsessive, love-at-first-sight type. You still thought about a sweet boy from a coffee shop when you were in your junior year. Once you liked something, you had to have it. Unfortunately, millions of other people felt the same. Yuck. So.. now it was this. You sent donos, dm’ed him, everything you could to kindly, gently, and hopefully get him to put you on his channel. That was the boost you needed. Socially, and egotistically.

The dream: meet schlatt. Didn’t matter if it was in New York, at a meet n greet he would never do, or for media.

You knew you wouldn’t make it big enough to quit your job - you didn’t want to, you just wanted to be able to show the internet your life. You wanted others to find community.

—

You continued to watch the stream, he was playing Minecraft, drinking, the usual. Messages were flooding in. Soon enough though, it was 10 pm, and he was about done.

-POV: Schlatt. 7:03 pm-

“Ahh fuck,” he sighed, sipping on a glass of whiskey. “What’s up fuckers? Welcome to the stream, welcome,” he nodded and chuckled as he watched the people and chats flood in. “Remember, TTS starts at 25 you broke bitches. I don't wanna hear about it being too expensive. Postcards are 50! Let's see what's in the mailbo-“ he was cut off by the first TTS donation. It was the same person from the past few streams. Somehow, they managed ro get first dono more than twice in a row. “Lucky fuck.” He muttered under his breath.

“hi handsome! good to see you on again! I finished up my stream right when you started. have a good time <3 - cookkizkill"

"Oh God, not you again you little fuck. How do you manage to get the FIRST TTS in every damn time??? Competitive ass bitch. But thank you anyways.” He yelled and chuckled - rubbing the thin beard on his chin and his mutton chops for comedic effect. He knew a lot of people wanted him, lusted over him, loved him - but he couldn’t help but smile when people gave him a normal compliment. It felt good to be talked to like normal. Normal normal normal. He knew he wasn’t that, but it didn’t matter, being a star always had it’s perks.

“Alright, guys, lets get in. Fuck all of you shaming my house. FUCK YOU.” He yelled, furrowing his brows in faux anger.

—

3 hours had passed. Schlatt ended up building a new house, opening letters, and getting spammed with donations. God, that felt good. ‘Money, money, money, bitch.’ He thought to himself.

“Alright guys,” he let his tongue swirl in his jaw. “I’m fucking plastered. I’m done for tonight. Hope you enjoyed!” His cheeky smile flooded thousands of screens as he ended the live.

“Motherfucker.. jambo, i’m so fucking tired.” He complained, letting Jambo jump into his lap. His hands grazed over his fur as he headbutted schlatt. He yawned, sipping the last of his glass of whiskey. Jambo jumped down, awaiting their bedtime routine. “Moowwww!” Schlatt looked down at him.

“Alright, alright. I’m not feeding you again though.” Schlatt shut out all the lights in his office, slowly making his way into his bedroom, then his bathroom. He got onto insta when he was done getting ready for bed.

“Shiit, that’s a nice ass car.” He muttered to himself, scrolling. His thumbs grazed the screen hesitantly.

“I wonder..”

Every now and then, he would look at his message requests to see the ridiculous things people sent him. Family photos, death threats, achievements, etc. Every week though, there was the same username. “cookkizkill” managed to catch his eye. She never harassed him. Belittled him. Judged. Spammed. Begged. Nothing. She was overly normal in how she messaged him - and by God, she did it everywhere. Though, no matter what she sent, she said thank you, and wished him the best. Odd. Peculiar. Weird.

“Hmph.” His brows furrowed. He was intrigued. He looked at her messages frequently, never replying. If he replied to one, everyone would expect him to.

He opened the chat request.

cookkizkill

hi handsome! i finally hit 5 twitch followers. yesterday i hit 200 subs on yt. thank you for being a great influence!! i know i wont be huge, but I’m thankful i get a chance to share my life with people. thank you for your stream today! i hope to be on one with you sometime <3

5 minutes ago

[accept request?]

Click.

—————

[helpmeimblorboing]

ARCHIVIST

“Statement of Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven… Way (muttered “God, these newfangled names), regarding her encounter with… sorry does that say Vampire ?

…well, I suppose we do have statements from vampire hunters on reco- what do you mean his name’s Vampire? What kind of -

Nope. Not going to question it

Anyways, Statement of Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, regarding her encounter with Vampire. Original statement given August 18th, 2024. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

EBONY (in a distorted voice, clearly hiding a laugh):

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white-

ARCHIVIST:

Your hair isn’t black, though?

EBONY

OMG, you’re like, such a nerd. Who cares ?

ARCHIVIST

We do, we’re a goddamn arc- did you just pronounce Oh My God as O-M-G ? What’s wrong with -

EBONY (rolling eyes)

I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year -

ARCHIVIST

…Michael, you motherfucker

EBONY/MICHAEL (cackling)

Archivist, you have to admit, the expression on your face alone made that worth it

ARCHIVIST

Do you enjoy making my life difficult?

MICHAEL (grinning)

Oh, immensely

ARCHIVIST

Figured

[mofsblog]

Hey Arkayners, how do we feel about Kayne comparing Arthur to the Blackstone (something they deeply desire but can never have)

[americanoddysey]

long wait followed by a long chapter

chapter 27 of A Fresh Pair of Eyes is now up!

[haveyoureadthisfanfic]

Summary: I've recently been unexpectedly promoted to lead a department in my organisation, wrote the anonymous emailer. As there was no one working here when I arrived, my manager, who is head of the organisation, had promised me the choice of my own assistants. However, without warning, he simply presented me with an additional assistant. This new assistant’s first act on his first day was to let a dog into the office. It took several hours to catch and clean up after this dog and it has only been downhill from there. I admit I'm not entirely sure what to do with this assistant now I'm stuck with him. I'm hoping you have some advice? Kind regards, New Manager --- Abigail Bailey runs a successful management advice blog. One frequent contributor is from a workplace with some... issues.

Author: @shinyopals

Note from submitter: Genuinely such a fun and cool way to write a fic!!

[sharkbarkz]

I like you *shows you my jrwi suckening warrior cats au*

[writtenbyan-aries]

Summary: anon request - "can you do a zach one where he like exposes him and readers secret relationship and she just goes with it , like " you weren't so quiet last night " and she just has her jaw dropped and says something back and it ends with smut" 

Warnings: this one shot will contain reader having sexual daydreams during the podcast, those dreams will include, oral (m rec), unprotected sex, the rest will contain Zach's usual banter and fluffiness

Word count: 2.1 k | not edited 

Also - I know it might get confusing, but the italics are what happened the night before, but in the form as if it's happening right now, like you're replaying the night in your mind. Hope that made sense, enjoy! 

╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗

"You want to know what I think is crazy?" Zach asks as his fingers drag up and down your arm. 

"Hmm?" You hum quietly as you keep your head on his chest. You feel him laugh slightly, "That no one has figured us out yet." 

You laugh, moving your head to look up at him, "Well now you just jinxed the hell out of that." 

He shrugs, a smirk on his face, "I mean I like us being a secret and all, but it's so hard for me to not say certain things when you're on the pod with us." 

You nod, "Yeah, I know what you mean." You smirk, "So what, is that your way of telling me you're going to out us at tomorrow's show?" 

He raises his brows, "I'm full of surprises babe. Guess you're going to have to wait and see." 

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

The next day, you're sitting on the red bench, headphones on and you're getting ready to do the show, but your mind just isn't there. 

Instead it's elsewhere. 

Specifically, replaying the time spent with Zach the previous night. 

The way you felt coming back from the restaurant, you needed him, his hands resting on your hips as you unlock your door made you crave him. 

When you finally got the door open, it was like the energy that craved one another clashed, As soon as you push the door open, he spun you around, lips on yours as he backs you into your apartment. 

"Hey." A hand is woven in front of you, "Earth to y/n." 

You look over at Tara and blink as you take your headphones off, "Yeah, hi. I'm here." 

"Where the fuck did you go. You were like-" she mimics how you were staring, "Zoned out." 

You laugh, "Sorry. I'm tired. I was up all night." Zach and Jared walk onto the set, "Oooh. Up all night doing what?" Zach teases and you roll your eyes, "I was coming up with a list of places that've already been to for Sam and Colby." 

Zach sits down and raises his brows, "Wow that was very specific." Zach sighs, placing his headphones on and you can't help but laugh. 

Friends around friends, lovers when it's just you two. 

You lean back, placing your headphones back on and Tara speaks up, "So I have to ask, how does it feel being better than two of the most liked ghost hunters in the world?" 

You laugh slightly, "What do you mean?" 

"I know you do paranormal investigation stuff too, and just the fact that Sam and Colby are coming to you for stuff.. I don't know that just.." Tara laughs and you tilt your head, "Are you just saying that to make a jab at them?" 

She nods and lean in to your mic, "Well then it feels pretty damn good." 

"Alright, alright. Anymore and we'll be scraping your brain off the walls from your head swelling to the point of exploding." Zach tries not to laugh and you shrug, "Hey, I take it when I can." 

You give him a quick and subtle wink then quickly change the subject, "Cat got Zach's tongue so I'll just go ahead and do the intro for him." You laugh, "What's up guys, we're here with Tara, Alyssa, me, Jared and oh, I guess Zach is here too." 

Zach just stares at you and you can't help but laugh. 

"Okay, but I love the fact that she announced Tara and me first." Alyssa laughs and you point to her. Tara nods, "Yeah, I'm going to have to say that we need to all vote to make y/n the person who announces the show." 

"Like a pre-recorded track because there are days she isn't here." Alyssa points out and you nod, "I agree. All in favor." You raise your hand and instantly say, "Three versus two. Girls win." 

"Youre ridiculous. Who invited you here anyway?" Zach rolls his eyes and you furrow your brows, "Um, you?" 

"Can you just like, zip it." Zach motions at his mouth and you smirk, "Make me. Take my headphones away." 

Zach tries not to laugh, "I mean, I can. But you might moan a little." 

"Oh my god. No. No. No." you close your eyes and look away from him, but in secret, you'd be on your knees in seconds for him. 

Zach places his hands on your shoulders, urging you to your knees. You drop down, complying to his every silent request. 

You stare up at him as he shrugs his black jean jacket off, eyes locked on yours as his jaw is slightly slack from your hand sliding over his throbbing cock that's being held back by his jeans. 

"I don't think.. you should say that to our guests?" Jared says with a nervous laugh, "I'm actually surprised you haven't gotten sued yet." 

"Please." Zach shrugs, nodding to you, "She won't sue me." 

Tara points to you, "I think you should just for his reaction. 

You laugh, "Thinking about it." 

You weren't thinking about that at all, Zach undoes his belt, followed by his jeans. The quick sound of the zipper going down causes your skin to perk up with goosebumps, caused by excitement. 

You rise up from your calves, licking your lips as you work fast to free him from his boxers. 

Zach speaking pulls you back into reality, "So now that we're past that embarrassing ensemble.." 

Zach trails off and so does your mind, You loved hearing Zach's little moans and groans as you held his cock with your lips and tongue. 

The way his fingers gentle drug over your head, slowly pulling your hair as his pleasure grew larger, "Fuck." 

Zach didn't really swear in general, so when he did, and it was because of you. It was even fucking hotter. 

You blink, snapping back into reality. 

"So I thought we could talk about something serious today." Zach says and Jared laughs, "Oh no. Someone's getting fired." 

"Yeah it's you." Zach says, pretending to be serious and Jared laughs, "I'd love to see you try, I'll just tell you no and you'll listen." 

You laugh and nod, "No that's so true." 

"Yeah whatever." Zach rolls his eyes, "No I have an exciting announcement." 

Your heart thumps and your head snaps towards him slightly. 

His eyes move to you and he smiles a little bit, "So, I have some news that may shock a lot of people, but I think everyone should know this, from me." 

"What's the fuck is happening?" Tara asks and Zach sighs, speaking quickly, "We're going to be doing a live dropouts show." 

You let out a breath and keep your stare on him, "Wow, Zach. That's great." 

"Better be, because they want all of us who are here right now." Zach gives a thumbs up, "What a relief it was to get that off my chest." 

You laugh slightly as your eyes trail down his neck to his necklace that's lying comfortably on his chest. 

Your back slams onto the bed, Zach's lips kissing over any skin they can reach. You let out a moan as he sucks a hicky into the skin over your hip. 

He kisses up over your boobs and up your neck. He leans up and you feel his cock slip between the folds of your pussy. 

The shiny necklace dangling from his neck as you feel him slide into you fully. You find it so hot when it swings back and forth with each thrust.

"Hey, I can't lie." Jared laughs and Tara cuts him off with a yell, "Say it!" 

You look over, at Tara, laughing as she keeps pointing to jared. You look over at Zach and he gives you a look that would make your legs go weak if you were standing. 

It wasn't a weird look. It was him just staring at you, knowing why you keep zoning out, and he was just making it worse. 

"I liked y/n's intro." Jared sighs and you look over at Jared with a clap, "Thank you." 

"You definitely thought it was better than Zach's intro, right?" Alyssa asks and Jared laughs, "I'm not answering that." 

You yelling with excitement, "Fuck yeah! Because you know that girls are just better than boys!" You motion between you, Tara and Alyssa. 

"Whoa, whoa!" Zach says waving his hand out in front of him a few times, "Settle down. Settle down, I'm getting flashbacks." 

"War flashbacks." Jared snorts and Tara asks with a laugh, "Flashbacks of what?!" 

You look at Zach, laughing and he shakes his head while furrowing his brows, "I don't know what you're laughing about because these flashbacks are of how loud you were being last night." 

It all happened so fast you blank, "What the fuck." 

"What did he just say?" Jared asks, mouth dropped with surprise. 

"Oh yeah, okay." Tara rolls her eyes and as you're still staring at Zach, he tilts his head slightly, giving his brows a quick flick. 

He outted you at tomorrow's show. 

Might as well roll with it. 

"You gonna tell them or you want me to, princess?" Zach smirks and you shrug, letting out a dramatic sigh, "Whatever helps you sleep at night." 

"Oh, you know exactly what helps me sleep at night." Zach winks as you look at him and you shake your head, looking down to rest it in your hand. 

"I can't tell if they're joking." Alyssa laughs and Tara cuts in, "Yeahhh, I mean, okay. I've actually been extremely suspicions about these two for weeks now."

"Oh please tell us what made you think that, Tara." Jared leans in, super invested into the conversation. 

You look up and look from Tara to Zach and he shrugs, "Hit me." He nods to Tara and she smirks, looking between you and Zach, "Well for starters, he stares at her every time she looks away." 

"I like looking at the back of her head. It makes it so I don't have anything mean to say." Zach shrugs and you  just laugh. 

"What else you got, Tara?" Jared encourages and Tara laughs, "Another thing is, they'll stop answering me at both at the same time. Like I'll be texting both of them and then all of a sudden.. radio silence." 

"I have a very strict bed time, Tara." You and Zach both say, just adding fuel to the fire and you just laugh, knowing that you're caught. 

"See!" Tara tells pointing, "See!" 

"Well.. if you don't know you do now." Zach laughs and Jared eggs him on, "Know what? Zach. Care to enlighten us with a perfect confirmation?" 

"What's my lawyer?" Zach yells looking around as he raises his hand. 

"So isn't true? You and.." Alyssa points from you to Zach and you laugh, nodding your head slowly. 

"Wow." Jared says, "I honestly did not expect this is come out onto the podcast today." 

Zach reaches for his water and takes a sip, "Listen, we played dumb, but we knew what we were doing." Zach scoffs, "Alright. You can't tell me that you weren't fooled."

"I knew my suspicions were there for a reason." Tara laughs, "How long?" 

"Two months." You laugh and they don't believe you.  Zach nods, "No she's serious.  It was after the episode with Jake and Johnnie." 

"Oh shit, yeah I guess that was two months ago." Tara nods, "I'm just like.. having a holy fuck moment." 

"Yeah." Zach laughs, "She came to see if I was as rich as I bragged that I was, and I must have passed inspection because she didn't go home that night." 

"Oh my god." You laugh, "That's not.." you shake your head and Jared laughs, "I just.. that really does shock me, like.. y/n. Why him?" 

You shrug, smiling as you look over at Zach. He glances at you and smirks, "What can I say? I'm full of surprises."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

Thank you for reading! Let me know how you liked it. Love you all! Thank you so much for reading! 

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

[iris-echos]

I once again feel the urge to write a magnus archives/malevolent crossover where s1 jon reads arthurs statement (made post canon after he returns to england) and then jon goes like "obviously he was on cocain or whatever else they used as medicine back then"

[stonedficz]

✰ star shaped ✰ ch. 3 ❛is what i know true?❜

[schlatt x streamer!reader]

ch. 1 / ch. 2 / ch. 4

a/n: this is mostly revised. if you see something - it’s more than likely intentional. like and comment! luv u all! eat up bbs, momma made DINNERRR

You were both up all night.

You were planning. Podcast ideas, videos, scripts, guidelines, blog posts - everything. You planned to make the best of the opportunity you were offered with your favorite person, your crush, your everything. You had so many feelings about him. Parasocial love, deep admiration, all of it. You were obsessed. He was a star.

He couldn’t stop thinking about you.

He didn’t know why. His feelings swirled in his chest, making their way down to his stomach. He played with the hem of his shirt for hours as he sat at his desk, catching up with b-t-s work for things like GamerSupps, his pc company, and his channels. He almost felt anxious. Anxious? Him? Sometimes, but rarely. His stomach twisted in a knot the more the thought of you came into his mind.

“The fuck is wrong with me,” he breathed out heavily, glancing down.

2:00 am

“Shit.” He leaned back in his desk chair. “I’m hungry as fuck, I don’t know why I’m still up, AND I can’t do shit till tomorrow because everything’s fucking closed.”

riiiiiiiiing, riiiiiiiiing, riiiiiiiiing

click

“Ted?”

“Yea bud, what’s up? Everything alright? You never call this late. Hell, you barely call.” Ted tiredly chuckled through the phone.

“Look, iii don’t know man, somethin’ just…” he sighed in confusion, holding his forehead with one hand.

“Genuinely, Schlatt, are you okay? Like do I need to call someone or is this just.. stress?”

“No man, I’m fine. Fuck. I just, did something and I’m not stressed I’m just - God, I don’t even fucking know. I think I’m just hungry. I didn’t do anything BAD, I just, y’know, made a choice and now I’m unsure, I guess.” He sighed, leaning back into his chair.

“As long as everything’s fine, then okay. Go get some grub man. Maybe smoke some weed, if you want. If only you were in LA...” Ted’s voice gradually raised in playful pitch till Schlatt interrupted,

“Alright, fuck you.” He chuckled.

click.

That was how most of their calls went. He got up and towards the kitchen, setting his phone down to grab some leftovers to heat for a late dinner. He looked back down at his phone while his food was in the microwave.

"shit." he ran his hand over his face, hearing the microwave beep. His eyes were locked onto his phone. "What is it with me tonight?" he spun around to open the microwave door and retrieve his dinner, when all of a sudden, he heard a

ding.

His eyes darted to his phone. Who could it be? He didn't have notifications on for anything but friends, and everyone he knew was asleep, or busy.

His eyes squinted.

From here (the microwave) he could see an icon on the notification. Instagram. Now, who would be messaging him at this hou-

He saw the username.

-

cookkizkill

hey! sorry for sending this message so late, but I got the pod map together. just a bunch of ideas. i'd like your thoughts on them when you get the chance! let me know if you'd be avaliable to call sometime tomorrow (really, today, since it's .. the morning)

-

He hesitated.

He shouldn't reply now. It was unprofessional. It would make him look bad. Well, maybe not bad, but weird. He shouldn't reply this fast to someone he didn't know.

But he felt like he knew her. Six months of reading messages, having one sided conversations through donos, and watching her youtube videos - it all added up to a perceived feeling of knowing.

"Oh God." he looked down at Jambo in defeat. "I'm a parasocial freak, aren't I, Jambo? Am I just like her?"

"Mow."

"Fuck you too, you little shit." he sighed heavily and picked up his phone.

There was no use in hesitating. If bad things were to happen, they'd happen no matter what they did. The same for good things. His small actions - so long as they were well-meaning - truly were just that. Well-meaning. He had nothing to lose. God only knows he WAS the uncancellable man of youtube, anyways.

-

cookkizkill

i also wanted to say thank you. i don't want to run you off with any sentiments, but I genuinely appreciate you offering to do a collab with me.

something like this both means the world to me, and has the chance to change my life. I've been watching you for a long time - to have an opportunity like this - something like you were given, makes me really happy and proud of myself. im super excited to get to do this pod!

jschlatt

i appreciate that. You're a sweet kid. We can call in the morning, go ahead and add me on discord @.jschlatt and we'll get to talking. I'll be ready to discuss everything by 11. My lawyer got the papers back from you so everything is good to go.

-

He could go to sleep now. He was okay. Whatever he felt earlier had mostly dissipated.

You blacked out after reading that text. Literally, from exhaustion and shock, your nervous system just powered down and helped you out. You had been laying in bed thinking about him, this, and all your feelings for hours. Hours. You hadn’t eaten dinner, you were losing your mind, and the worst of it was, you didn’t even take a shower. You were gonna be so pissed when you woke up. Oh, no, you weren’t. You were gonna call Schlatt. How could anything upset you?

Schlatt ate his leftovers and went on with his night, very quickly falling asleep after finally eating.

Eleven a.m. couldn’t come any faster.

-

You were ready by 9. Dolled up, dressed to the nine, perfectly calculated with notes, thoughts, and words (as well as some fan questions teehee), sweating in anticipation of meeting your favorite person - your role model, etc. You couldn’t imagine what this would be like. You got prettied up just in case it was a video call, but you figured knowing him, it would be audio only. Knowing him..

Did you?

Who’s to say he’s never been true to himself online. Maybe, even theweeklyslap project was simply to provide an alibi. He could be fake. You could be getting scammed. God, that would hurt. You’d drop out if this was fake. In fact you’d probably do meth, if this turned out to be fake. It would rip you apart.

You wished he would rip you apart. If you could even get into the same area code as him, it might satisfy you. There was a growl deep inside of you that wanted him. Not particularly sexually, either, but something that ached. You were desperate. Humiliatingly so.

You didn’t know what it was. His hands? Arms? Shoulders? Posture? Face? Whole body? Irresistible personality? Maybe it was because he acted like a douchebag. You liked douchebags, based off all your ex-boyfriends. Maybe he was as sweet as condensed milk, and he just didn’t show it.

Maybe he was what you wanted. Maybe he wasn’t. You didn’t know - nor did you care. The clock struck eleven, and you saw his user come online. You called at 11:00:30. Thirty seconds past eleven, so as to not be overtly early.

He probably didn’t notice.

He did.

“hiiii!” you exclaimed happily, and sweetly.

“Hello, hello. How’s it going this morning?” he chuckled sweetly. He had a gamersupps shaker in hand. On brand.

(Yeah, he had no clue you were recording this whole conversation. Teehee.)

“It’s so good! I’m so excited! This is an amazing experience, being able to discuss a collaboration with my role model. How is your morning? Have anything good to eat?” your heart was pounding out of your chest. Your hands wrung themselves under the desk you sat at.

“Well, you’re one for small talk, huh sweetheart?” he smiled and chucked. “I had some eggs. They were pretty good. Seasoned ‘em well too. What about you?”

‘oh my god’ you bit your lip as you nodded and ‘mhm’d’, though he couldn’t see you. ‘he’s so.. UGH.’ your stomach flooded with butterflies. It’s everything you hoped it would be, in these first 4 sentences. That is, meeting him.

“Ah, you know me - too busy grinding to eat. I just had a snack.” you smiled and laughed, opening up your notes. You were shaking. Vigorously. Something about this - what was it? You couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

Was he flirting?

No, never. That’s not like him.

Well…

“Take it from me, good meals fuel the soul. You need ‘em to make good content.” he sighed. “Now- why don’t you hit me with your ideas here? Whatcha thinkin’?” he purred slightly. He genuinely sounded excited to talk about this proposed podcast ep.

‘oh my god. his voice.’ you groaned in your mind. This was almost painful. You were given exactly what you wanted, unfortunately. You got your cake.

Now you can’t eat it.

“So - here’s my thoughts.” your voice shook. Oh, God, were you going to reveal your hand? How nervous you were?

“I’m thinking we do a cooking episode. Y’know, how you guys did those video podcasts? But the kicker - we’re at our own places trying to cook the same recipe, seeing who can get it closest to the original picture, and or taste.” your voice continued to shake. The look on your face was, needless to say, scared. You were so nervous. The performance anxiety got to your bones - terminal. You felt like you were drowning in emotion. You could scream, cry, shake vehemently, all the big things.

Well, at least your camera wasn’t on.

“Ooh. Okay, okay. I like the idea so far - Jambo, fuckin’ stop - shit, hold on.” you heard him rustling. “Look at this fucker.”

He turned his camera on.

He held jambo to his chest and face. Your jaw dropped, and your eyes shot open. You were SO screen recording this. Quickly, however, you collected yourself and turned yours on too, snatching your own cat from beside your chair so fast he almost got whiplash.

“OH MY GOOOOODDDDDDD!” you screeched. “I love Jambo!” you shot your head back while you held Jeremy (the cat) on your chest. “I love your cats.”

The next words to leave your mouth would be life or death.

“You like my pussy?” you chuckled, rotating the chair enough for Jeremy’s dumb face to be visible in the camera. This was a terrible, terrible joke to make during your first impression.

His eyes went wide for a split second. Involuntary. You caught it.

He hoped you hadn’t.

He shut his eyes, tipped his head, and jutted out his lower lip in appreciation for the bit. Jambo head butted him.

“Dumb fuck, that wasn’t meant for you.” he scoffed, putting Jambo down. “Anyways, I do like the idea. I think that would be good for my first cameo on your channel - y’know, just to tease the people.” he tipped his head to the side in thought out approval and nodded.

“I appreciate that!” you smiled with your whole face, breathlessly.

‘wait.

first cameo? FIRST? FIRST? WHAT THE HELL DOES HE MEAN FIRST?!’

“You know I gotta ask, though -“ your breath hitched. You couldn’t breathe. You coughed impulsively to try and make yourself have the strength to speak. “What do you mean by ‘first cameo’?” your lips twitched into a small, knowing smile. God, he was easy to read sometimes. You knew him too well parasocially.

“Oh, you know what I mean sweetheart. Don’t play dumb.” He furrowed his brow and looked directly at the image of you on his screen with a small smile, “Your fans - even if there isn’t a million of them - all know you love me. How insane would it be for you to show them you know me? Either way, I’m down to collab more because I have an appreciation for what you do. You stay true to yourself, it’s something to respect.” one hand rubbed his obviously freshly trimmed chops.

‘did he shave to call me? was his plan all along to show his face?

did he want to see mine?’

You were silent. Awestruck. Breathless. All of it. How were you SUPPOSED to react?

“Schlatt, how did you feel - “ you choked slightly. “- how did you feel when you met your idol, Mr. Sark?”

“Like I was gonna shit my pants. Why? Did you shit yours?” he chuckled, taking a sip. He smiled slightly deviously.

“Yeah. It’s all over the floor. Actually, I shit so much that my cat drowned. You didn’t notice, but, earlier he jumped off my lap and fell right into it like it was quicksand. Gone forever.”

He chuckled breathlessly for just a few moments. “What the fuck are you even going on about?” His brows furrowed again as he continued to laugh for, like, no reason.

“You’re fuckin’ stupid. I think we’re gonna get along.”

“I’m glad you feel that way. and YES, I almost did piss myself. This is all just - I don’t know, it’s cool! This is my dream, getting to meet you. It’s insane to me that I was granted this INSANE wish. I feel like I don’t deserve it.”

“Maybe you don’t.” he sighed. “Maybe you’ll never blow up, or get any semblance of a fan base -“ his words rolled of his tongue. He smacked his lips. “but, the opportunity is here. Are you gonna take it? Or are you going to revel in this idea; concept, even, that you just don’t deserve it?

Make the best of it. If this doesn’t help you out, at least you met your ‘idol’, and gained an acquaintance.” he raised his brows as he looked closer to the floor in thought, pursing his lips.

He’s said this before.

To who? He wasn’t the sentimental type, from what you could tell. Not for a stranger.

Is some of this what he told himself all those years ago? When he first blew up?

“You give some good advice. I feel like I’m on theweeklyslap. This is, well, an honor.” you smiled sweetly. The more you talked to him, the more calm you got. You were still excited, but something about him told you that you were safe. “Let’s plan to do this next week? Next Wednesday, if you’re free?”

“You call, and I’ll be ready, toots.” he nodded his head with his brows furrowed in serious sentiment.

He let a small smile crawl onto his face. You knew he was looking at you again.

Your eyes squinted as you smiled in intrigued confusion. “Perfect. I’ll call Wednesday. I’ll send all the nitty gritty details over so you can be really ready.” you nodded back, an even more confused, and apprehensively happy smile spreading across your face.

“See you then sweetheart.”

Click.