#poar zine

[pamela-lntt]

ZINE ART REVEAL !!

This is the drawing I did for the Petals of a Rose Zine !!

I had so much fun working with so many talented people I was star-struck the whole time TT

Special shoutout to @artfulstar for their gorgeous fic that made me giggle and quick my feet by just reading the general idea (i read it while in class and omg i couldn't stop smiling for the rest of it lol) and @/TotoThePoyoArt for being my art partner for the fic and powering through the two drawings she did for the zine !! I remember seeing the wips and knowing they'd be amazing !

Like my art? Consider buying me a coffee (kofi) !

[saltyyetbland]

I have just posted my fic that I wrote for the Petals of a Rose fanzine on AO3. You can find it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57670000

I have a lot of thoughts about this fic, the zine and the qsmp in general so I'm just going to write it all under the Keep Reading line cause this ramble might be as long as my fic lmao.

When I saw that applications were open for this zine, I initially didn't even consider joining. I liked hideduo but I was definitely out of the fandom by then. I haven't even written anything hideduo specific (I only had like 2 QSMP related fics on AO3 and they were more trauma than romance lmao) so in my head I thought that even if I applied, I wouldn't get selected.

And I guess that mentality ironically is what made me decide to impulse apply during my Marketing class at like 8pm.

And somehow I got accepted.

You can imagine my surprise when I get an email with a discord link saying that I got accepted to be apart of this zine. I joined and then I see a bunch of cool artists and writers that I recognize and my brain immediately goes "oh shit, i should not be here wtf" but thankfully I decided to not be impulsive this time and actually stick with this zine.

And then prompt creation starts and then artists and writer match-ups and then it fully dawned on me that art is going to be created out of my fic. And that was such a complex thought to swallow as I struggled with imposter syndrome yet again (it is what it is lol) and just me trying to grapple with the concept of fan creation as a product of inspiration while being a source of inspiration as well (the fan studies/media nerd in me is jumping out).

And then the sketches and conversations from Kye and Bio started and I was just in awe by their skill and effort that it motivated me to try and write better too.

And then after months of me struggling to write the fic, it was done. I had multiple people look over it including my irl writing group as well as a beta reader (shoutout to skelepen) and I then submitted it to the final submission google form.

There is a clear memory I have in which I am simply working and I just check over at the discord and I see a photo in general chat. It is a snippet of my fic and it is Aynee saying that "damn... this fic got hands" and like 4 other comments from other members of the discord basically saying the same thing. When I tell you that this has almost made me cry at work, I'm not joking cause this was the moment when I truly felt like I contributed enough to the zine.

And now the zine is published and it is 500 pages of pure effort and I feel satisfied with myself but I also feel the looming sense of closure that I know stems from the knowledge that this is the end of my qsmp era.

I've been aware of the qsmp since its inception but I only really got into it during the ice prison event where creators like tubbo, mouse and tina joined. And though i only really lurked in this fandom and occasionally posted, i can still see its effects on me today. I have discovered my ever-growing interest of community building in media and cross-cultural communications and translations. I am currently on a 300+ day streak on Duolingo for Portuguese. I was able to revitalize some of my previous knowledge of French and Korean and actually find joy in learning languages, something that I seriously struggled with when I was younger.

And for that, even though my relationship with the QSMP is now a bit more complicated, I am grateful for it opening my eyes and for allowing me to be a part of it, even in my small amount.

All in all, I am proud that this fic has been created. I am proud of this community that I have been apart of. And even though I am closing this era, it won't be on a bittersweet note like my previous fandoms.

So, thank you.

Thanks to Kye and Bio for creating amazing pieces for my fic, skelepen for beta reading my work, Aynee for creating the zine itself, the POAR discord for being such a cool and fun place and to the larger QSMP community as a whole for being a part of my life.

[lilliancdoodles]

"To Tubbo It's been a while bud! I am- I'm actually working because- really exciting news, me and Pac- actually started dating [crossed out and illegible] I know youll be happy- hope everything is going- well at university, ho- see you soon. Fit Morning Crew 4ever!"

Five this has destroyed me

childhood friends,

[vex-glitch]

i forgot to post this but last week the poar zine server planned hideduo’s wedding (we were coping hard) and i had to draw them in their pretty outfits we picked out

[lilliancdoodles]

(stole this screenshot from someone in the PoaR Zine discord....)

Aynee is doing fine

[iridescentpull]

If I can ask, what's the POAR server? I keep hearing about it. /genq

Okok the PoaR server is the server for the Petals of a Rose hideduo zine!! ( @hideduofanzine ).

[shen-mu]

...lils I'm scared to look at PoaR zine discord now

There's never a dull moment in the PoaR discord server.

[lilliancdoodles]

HI LILL IT’S ANNI :D

I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE SCREAMED OVER SEEING YOUR ART IN THE POAR FITPAC ZINE

Hi Anni!!! THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUU <333 Im going to post them here on Friday so you can scream at them then too <33