#plus they ask about this in interviews it's pretty important

[kumkaniudaku]

Stay A While (3)

Summary: Terry get's a lesson in love and shares it with Patrice.

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Black!OC

Word Count: 5,049

Part: 3 of ??

Warnings: Smut (18+)

One. Two.

"Well, James, how you been?" 

"Honestly, Pop. I don't know where to start." 

Wooden spoons banged and scraped across pots on the stove while Marvin scooped red beans and rice into a small ceramic bowl. He'd long shed his work coveralls for an open flannel shirt and khakis to spend some quality time with his only son. 

James was their shared middle name in a long line of Richmond men dating back to their family migration from New Orleans to Fayetteville in the 50s. Marvin was a proud, honorable man. He never said a bad word about anybody, and no one had a bad word to say about him. He taught Terry how to play football, make a pot of dirty rice to perfection, and the importance of ensuring a lady never touched a doorhandle in his presence. He was the reason Terry joined the Marine Corps after a career in the NFL looked unlikely. He was the reason his boy spoke softly and carried a big stick. And he was one of only two people Terry trusted with his heart. 

With two bowls and spoons on a serving tray, Marvin made his way to the kitchen table. He stopped short to get a good look at his son with blue green eyes even more captivating than Terry's. He noted the new frown lines developing on his brow and the lone grey hair sprouting in his goatee. His boy was stressed and confused. He didn't need a conversation to tell him that but welcomed it anyway. 

After sliding one bowl across the table, he took a seat with his signature grunt. "Start at the top. Plenty of time still left in the day." 

Terry quietly thanked his father for his generosity and avoided the question by eating the first bite of his meal. They ate in silence for several seconds until Terry took a deep breath. 

"I think I've been okay. More ups than downs lately, but the downs are pretty damn low. I'm having a tough time sleeping. I'm barely working. I feel like a burden for Treece more than I feel like a man who can actually do something for her." 

"Being a man is about more than what you can do." 

"Yeah, but…" Terry trailed off, trying to gather his thoughts. "It's just - things weren't supposed to be this hard. I gave this country a lot of my time, and I guess I expected to say my goodbyes and roll into my next chapter. Now, my plan b needs a plan b, and I'm out of options." 

"You're not out of options. You don't like askin' for help. Proud like your grandaddy." 

"And you too." 

Marvin chuckled and shook his head as he took another spoonful of food.  "This ain't about me."

The two men shared a laugh, their voices sounding nearly identical as they bounced off the walls. He was the spitting image of his father, both in stature and moral compass. 

"What do you need, James?" Marvin had grown serious again, making Terry avert his eyes to focus on his food. "I'll save you the stress of asking, but you gotta tell me what I need to offer. Is it money?"

"Not much. Enough to pay some bills until the end of the month, and I can have it back to you. I think I have a shot at this job on base if I can get through the second interview."

"How you getting back and forth? I know y'all do the Lyft and Ubom thing these days. Ridin' around with strangers like we didn't spend a whole decade tell y'all not to." 

Terry laughed. "It's Uber, Pop. But, no. Treece is out for the summer, so I'm…using her car when I need it. I don't wanna take advantage of her." 

"Those some of the bills you need help paying?" Marvin's question was answered with a silent head nod and eyes filled with shame. He softened his voice as he reached into his wallet for the cash he had on hand. "It's what you're supposed to do. Ain't no shame. That money is for yourself. Give me til tomorrow afternoon to have more. Five grand enough?" 

"Ah, Pop, I don-" 

"We didn't work as hard as we did for nothing. Plus, it's your college fund money we never withdrew. You're lucky your mother hasn't used it for renovations. She's been eyeing your sister's old room for an indoor she-shed or whatever the hell it's called." 

Marvin sounded exasperated by the concept of his wife's latest project, which amused Terry. They hadn't changed since the day he left. They were just two people who had been in love since the day they met and remained committed to supporting each other through the ebbs and flows of life. 

Standing from the kitchen table, Marvin shuffled around the corner to the garage entrance and returned with a ring of keys and a pile of mail. He tossed them at Terry and returned to his seat. 

"What's this?" 

"Keys to GMC outside. Take it. You might need to run it for a little bit and change the oil, but it works fine. The rest is your mail." Terry opened his mouth to protest and received a glare from his father in return. "I gave you my best speech about askin' for help, and here you go ruining things. Take the truck before I tell your mama."

"Alright, alright," Terry laughed as he raised his hands. "I love you, Pop." 

"Love you, man. I'm proud of you." Not ones for the warm fuzzies of hugs, the two extended their arms across the table for a quick fist bump before returning to their meals. Marvin let his son eat in peace for a few moments before the corner of his lips curled in a knowing smile. "So…Patrice Ellis, huh? That little love letter you wrote in 10th grade finally coming true?" 

"Pop." 

"Ah, come on. It's alright to be in love, son. She's a good girl. Got good folks, too. What's the holdup?" 

In love? The more Terry attempted to negotiate the gravity of the phrase within himself, the more he had to reckon with the idea that his father may not be that far off base.

Terry slowed his eating and looked at his father for help. "You think I'm in love?" 

"Oh, I know you are. You didn't come back to Fayetteville for me, did you?" 

"How would I know, though? How did you know?" 

Marvin stopped eating to sit back in his chair. A fond smile crossed his face as he thought of his younger years. 

"I knew I was in love when I wanted to show up every day and do the work to be with her. It didn't matter if she pissed me off or if we disagreed about decisions. At the end of every day, I can look at her and know I'm where I want to be forever. Plus, I still get a little fired up when she walks through the door all these years later. I ain't much to look at, but your mother is…" 

Marvin let his sentence drop to whistle at the mention of his wife. Terry pretended to take exception but eventually laughed at his father's antics. He quickly relaxed into a contemplative state. 

"I wanna be the best I can for her," he spoke softly. "I get…sad when she's gone for too long. Sometimes, I find myself forcing conversation just to make her look at me because the light in her eyes is the only thing keeping me grounded most days. What does that mean?" 

"You don't need me to answer that, son. Go with what you know." 

Before Terry could seek more advice, the mechanical roar of the garage door made Marvin nearly spring out of his seat to greet his one true love. 

Outside, Patrice was nearly doubled over from laughter in the front seat. 

Diedra "DeeDee" Richmond was the quintessential Southern black woman. Like a prim and proper belle, she wore her color-treated blonde hair big to match an even bigger personality.  She wore heels with every outfit and never left the house without earrings, but she could also drink and cuss like a sailor. 

When she offered Patrice the chance to tag along for her monthly Sister Circle meeting, there was no chance she'd miss the opportunity to ditch Terry and kick it with the upper crust of Black women. 

"And, girl, Rita thinks we can't tell that she took every one of those appetizers out of the damn freezer section. At least go to the Publix bakery. Finger sandwiches ain't that expensive." 

Amid their gossip session, the garage door's chime caught Dee Dee's attention, effectively ending her one-woman show in favor of giving her husband the eye. Behind him, Terry stood with a nervous smile and puppy dog eyes that he directed at Patrice. 

"Marry a Richmond, child. You'll never lift a finger for the rest of your life. Lord knows I love me some him. Hey, baby!" DeeDee advised as she watched Marvin nearly float to the driver's side to open her door. 

Patrice watched Marvin and DeeDee fawn over each other like teenage lovers until the faint pop of her door opening brought her back to life. 

Terry stood in the gap with his hand out to offer assistance. She accepted without protest, letting him gently pull her from the passenger side with her bags in tow and close the door behind her.

"I missed you." 

Terry's admission came in a sweet voice as he dipped his head to place two chaste kisses on Patrice's lips. Only the knowledge of his parents 10 feet away kept her from turning an innocent display of affection into something vulgar. 

Patrice chased his lips once he pulled away, earning a deep chuckle that vibrated her chest. 

"We kissing in front of the parents now?" 

"Too much," he asked, suddenly embarrassed. 

She used her thumb to wipe lip gloss from his bottom lip before rising to her tip toes to kiss his nose. "No. You're perfect." 

Dee Dee and Marvin watched the young couple giggle at nothing in particular with broad smiles and full hearts. 

"Treece, when's the last time you had some of my red beans and rice?" 

Marvin's question made both of them jump like children caught in the act with the realization that they weren't alone. 

"Way too long," Patrice answered, her stomach almost growling at the mention. 

"Then have dinner with us. We'd love to have you." 

Patrice looked toward Terry for confirmation, making Dee Dee cackle as she started up the stairs into her home. "Child, forget him. Terrence don't run nothing 'round here! Come get this food."

Terry's eyes grew wide at his mother's dismissal while Patrice dissolved into an uncontrollable fit of laughter at his expense on her way into the house. 

"Oh, that's funny," he asked, following her lead. "That's the last time I let y'all hang out unsupervised." 

Three extra hours at Terry's parents' house wasn't enough for the tandem to abandon their new night routine. 

Patrice stood at her bathroom sink, scrubbing the day from her face while Terry made himself comfortable on her closed toilet lid. Sometimes, he read something from Patrice's bookshelf, both preferring to simply exist in the same room. Other times, he watched baseball on his phone and attempted to provide color commentary despite Patrice not showing interest. This time, though, he sat with relaxed shoulders and low eyes while she moved through her beauty routine. 

Something about the sleepytime body wash had him laser-focused on how her legs looked a mile long beneath her nightshirt, oiled to perfection and glistening under the warm vanity lights. He wanted to reach out and touch her. Maybe pull her closer by her thighs and whisper every single nasty thought on his mind below her navel until she promised never to leave his side. 

But, he shook his inner man loose and leaned forward to re-engage with her as she called his name. 

"You know you should use a gentle exfoliant every once in a while. It'll help your breakouts. Use some of my sunscreen, too. It's dangerous for you to let the sun hit your face with no protection."

Blah, blah, blah. Everything she said sounded like a chorus of 1000 angels to him. She could've revealed the cure to cancer, and he would be too lovestruck to notice. 

Knowing his restraint was dwindling, he stood abruptly and stretched his arms above his head with a yawn as she added moisturizer to her face.

Patrice watched him take up space behind her through the mirror, shifting so he could leave something to remember him by on her shoulder and neck. 

"Good night," he spoke between kisses, the words muffled against her skin. 

"Already? It's not that late, is it?" 

"I promised Corey I'd help him with football practice at Francis tomorrow morning."

"He'll run you ragged if you don't speak up." 

"I'll speak up. I promise." 

Using what little space she had, Patrice turned to rest her backside on the counter and face Terry. She used her index finger to hook his gold herringbone chain and bring him down for a kiss. Or kisses. It'd been so long since they could have each other in this way. Time and experience, both together and separately, had them maneuvering like professionals. Each kiss was teasing and sensual in equal measure. A tangible mastery of retreating and aggression made the pursuit of one another worth the wait. 

They'd lost track of their exhibition until Terry's phone buzzing against the toilet seat jolted them back into reality.

Patrice flattened her palms against his chest to create some separation and end what would surely turn into blurred lines if they weren't careful. "Good night, TJ.  Grab that exfoliant out of my shower before you leave. It's in the caddie." 

Terry took the gentle redirection in stride, smiling at her through the mirror before turning to do as she had asked. Patrice used what little focus she could muster to secure her headscarf to her head, desperate to extend her box braids for one more week. 

"What's this?" 

"What's what?" She didn't bother to look away from her task until the low hum of her vibrator caught her attention. She whipped her body around, too stunned to reach for the bright pink toy that had Terry smirking as he examined its buttons. "That is my personal property for personal and private use." 

"When's the last time you used it?" 

"It's been a while. A month or so." Mostly true. She couldn't say she hadn't thought about it more recently.

"Since I've been here?" 

She shrugged. "Kinda hard to get comfortable when there's a person on the other side of the wall." 

The mere sound of the only thing to touch her in two years made the hair on her arms stand at attention. Her eyes darted between the toy and Terry, who made himself familiar with each speed and pattern, cycling through dirty thoughts and intrigue as he held the device against his arm to get a feel for the intensity, 

Setting one? Bearable. A softball. Setting three? Maybe she'd call out his name from the pleasure? Setting seven? Surely, she'd hang on to him like a wet t-shirt on a Playboy model while she rode the crest of her orgasm. 

The possibilities excited him to no end. He needed to test each and every theory.

In two clicks, he returned the toy to its original setting and then off completely, holding it in one hand while taking slow steps to close the gap between him and the only person on his mind. 

She shifted her weight nervously as he approached, unsure how to respond until he towered over her with a look she knew all too well. 

Desire. 

Their senses were heightened. Everything felt surreal, almost as if one misstep could send them flying through a portal back to a more disappointing reality. 

Terry could smell the faint hint of mint on Patrice's breath before dipping his head to nip at her bottom lip with his teeth. She responded like he knew she would by making him work for his prize. Patrice never let him intimidate her. Not for their first time together all those years ago, certainly not now. 

He chuckled before leaning in again, this time leaving a trail of short kisses from her jaw to her clavicle. He inhaled deeply, breathing in vanilla and the subtle spice of his cologne from moments earlier.

Suddenly, Patrice felt weightless. Her feet dangled briefly and without warning as Terry took her from standing to sitting on the cold, hard counter before she could protest. 

Patrice fought for stability, using the peaks and valleys across the expanse of his muscled arms as her anchor in the dizzying experience that was his affection. Her lips parted to draw in sharp breaths and release airy sighs of approval in a feeble attempt to remain present. At the same time, he kissed his appreciation wherever his lips saw fit. Her legs acted under their own power to spread wider and make room for whatever came next. 

Her hands left a trail of tingles as she dragged them from his arms to the back of his head, down the sides of his face, over his tank top, between his pecs, and, finally, into the waistband of his shorts. 

Surprised by her touch, he lurched forward to grab her wrist. "Not this time," he whispered, unsure he meant what he was saying. 

Patrice nodded in understanding, earning a sloppy kiss for her obedience. 

There was no discerning where his mouth ended, and hers began. They were on one accord, hungrily tasting, exploring, and consuming each other without holding back. 

Then, the low hum returned. This time, it was closer than Patrice remembered. 

Cold silicone soon caressed her inner thigh. A low whimper escaped past her lips as she made eye contact with Terry. He leaned close enough to speak against her mouth. 

"You trust me?" 

"Mhmm," she answered, fighting to keep her eyes open as he moved further up her leg. 

"Let me take care of you, then. Take these off for me." 

Trembling fingers latched onto her boyshorts, pushing them to mid-thigh for Terry to take care of the rest. As quickly as he was gone, he'd returned for another taste of her tongue. Languid and unhurried, he used the time to relax her while slowly inching the vibrator to her center. 

Initial contact made her hips buck forward, and her head softly hit the mirror behind her. Terry chased her with sloppy kisses at the base of her neck. 

The slow and steady setting was enough to get her wet and sticky. Terry'd be lying if he said the thought alone didn't have him wanting to renege on his early statement and dive in with reckless abandon. But, he remained steadfast in his pursuit of her pleasure. 

Once the initial shock had worn off, Patrice ground her hips slowly, making small circles while the vibration worked to settle her nerves. Terry took a break from leaving praises in the form of kisses on her throat to smile at his girl. 

"You're beautiful. You know that?"

She gripped his chin and pulled him closer for a fiery kiss that he let her lead. "Yeah. But, I love to hear you say it." 

"Good," he answered, grinning at her confidence as he upped the intensity on her vibrator. Her eyes clamped shut as her entire body tensed. "Stay with me." 

A deep, steadying breath turned into a silent scream as Patrice gave in to the natural urge to hold her breath. Terry used his free hand to sneak up her tank top and grope one breast while pressing his lips to her ear. 

"Breathe, baby. In and out." He modeled the behavior until she found the strength to match his tempo. "There you go. You feel good?" 

"Yes, yes," she whisper-chanted to the ceiling, her head thrown back in unimaginable euphoria. 

"I want you to feel this good every day. You deserve it, right?" 

A twisting, turning feeling at the pit of her stomach forced her to draw in a deep breath to steady herself. Her answer came in a soft moan. "Right." 

"Damn right." Pressing his forehead to hers, he zeroed in on each of her features twisted in unthinkable pleasure. 

She kept her mouth open to sigh and moan as she saw fit. Her nostrils flared in a rhythm as she tried to force herself to breathe through every peak and valley of the moment. Her brows were knitted, and her eyes closed as if she were too afraid to look at him. He wondered what she was thinking. 

Did she want him inside of her as much as he wanted the same for himself? Was she yearning for more pressure? Could she feel how much he loved her?

"Don't get quiet on me. I want everything. Let 'em hear you. You need more?" 

A quick glance down helped him reposition the vibrator on her already sensitive bud, earning a guttural curse as appreciation for his good deed. 

"Fuck! Don't move. Please don't move." 

Terry obliged for the moment, too entranced by his view of her flower on full display for his viewing pleasure. Glistening. Wet. Beautiful. Appetizing like nothing he'd ever seen before. He pulled the toy away and replaced its presence with his thumb. Slow circles and firm pressure made her want to close her legs to escape the overwhelming stimulation, but her attempt was futile. She was at his mercy. 

"Damn," he whispered to himself, enamored by the way her body reacted to his touch. 

Every revolution around her clit brought with it more wetness at her entrance and indentations in his arms from her nails gripping for dear life. 

It wasn't enough to touch her. He needed to taste. 

Using his middle and ring fingers, he teased his introduction with gentle brushes against her inner lips. She keened for more against his mouth as she held his face close. He granted her wish and pushed into her slowly, immediately feeling her warmth envelop his long digits. 

Their mouths hung open, breaths being traded between the two as he set a slow pace. Not enough to bring forth a release. Just enough for Terry to get what he came for. 

Removing his fingers left him with a coating of clear arousal nearly dripping to his knuckles. Patrice watched him as he smirked at the sight, examining it like a jeweler appraising precious diamonds. 

When he'd seen enough, he put both fingers into his mouth and closed his eyes to savor the taste. Patrice's mouth hung open as if waiting for her turn to experience the wonders of her juices. 

Had she closed her eyes for even a second, she would have missed Terry extending his tongue from his mouth to allow a mixture of his saliva and her essence the chance to slide from his tongue in anticipation of a new host. 

Something profound and hungry within her made her lean her head back and hold her tongue out to receive all that he had to give. It excited her, delighted her, and aroused her like never before.

Like a lewd work of art, spit connected their tongues in what would otherwise be seen as an infraction among more proper circles. But fuckin' wasn't proper, and all forms of affection were welcomed in their home. 

Almost immediately, Terry rushed to reward her with a wild and frenzied kiss that nearly surprised him. 

Primal. Carnal. Intense. Fucking disgusting. He loved every minute of it.

The race was on. Terry kept their lips connected as he returned the vibrator to her clit, dialing up the settings to a level below their max. 

Patrice's moans and his couldn't be distinguished from one another. Her hips bucked wildly. Her fingernails left marks in their wake as they scratched at his arms and back. Her body twitched and seized in anticipation of the inevitable. 

"Oh my - fuck!" Satisfied tears slid from the corners of her eyes and down her cheeks to her man's awaiting lips. "Terrence!" 

Terry remained locked in. A man possessed. A one-track mind focused on nothing other than completing the mission. 

The first stage of her orgasm came without a warning. Heat washed over her as if she'd stepped outside at high noon, making her skin almost unbearable to live in. Her toes curled, her voice caught in her throat despite the intense desire to release a scream from the depths of her soul into the atmosphere. 

She thanked Terry and God in Heaven for blessing her with the opportunity to touch the moon and the stars without ever leaving her home. Terry used his free hand to grip and massage her thighs, knowing that the best was yet to come. 

Patrice's voice began to climb as the main event approached. Shallow breaths gave way to loud gasps for air, which came rapidly while she did the same. She was suspended in a beautiful bliss and already sad about the prospect of coming down. 

Her lover reveled in the opportunity to see her unraveling at the seams. 

"I'll always come back to you, beautiful. No matter what, okay? Look at me." His request earned intense focus from Patrice under hooded eyes. "You're so pretty. Say it back to me. Tell me you're pretty."

"I'm so pretty!" Impending release sent all her words out in one breathless sentence. 

He smiled at her compliance. "I know you're close. Hold my hand."

Her fingers scrambled against the counter, filling the spaces between his fingers and gripping with enough force to turn her knuckles a lighter shade of brown. 

"That's my girl. I love you," was all he could manage before Patrice let out something akin to a squeal, turning his declaration into background fodder. 

Sensitive, overstimulated, and completely spent, the after-effects of her release had her panting to recover. Her ears rang with a heady feeling that could only be compared to a few puffs of homegrown bud. 

Terry held her through it all, propping her up while her body sagged against him for stability. He put aside the vibrator to run his palms up and down her legs while he showered her temple with whispered praises and sweet kisses. 

He waited until her breathing was even before gingerly pressing his forehead to hers. "You good?" 

His smirk was incredibly smug. He was proud of himself, and for good reason. She was open to giving credit where credit was due. 

"You can never leave this house without me again. I hope you're happy." 

"That's the whole point. My granny taught me some things during them summers down in New Orleans, you know?" 

"Oh, so this is some magic shit?" 

"Family business, baby. Gotta have the last name to find out." A playful glint in his eyes and a squeeze to her waist made Patrice's stomach feel butterflies that she thought would never return. Terry tapped her nose with his index finger and stepped back. "Stay put. I'll clean you up." 

Patrice scoffed. Stay put. As if she could go anywhere. As if she wanted to go anywhere.

Like the perfect gentleman, Terry was tender with his care. A warm towel to soothe sore muscles and ensure a thorough cleanup was mandatory. The extra loving was complimentary for only his favorite lady. 

"Stay with me tonight," Patrice requested as he slid her panties back up her legs. 

He shook his head and smiled while prompting her to lift her hips. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Treecey." 

"I just wanna be next to you. Nothing more." 

Terry regarded her doe-eyed plea with a small smile as he helped her off the counter. He pulled her into an embrace, fiending for one more kiss. She obliged happily until he'd had his fill. 

His hands slid from her sides to her ass for a generous squeeze before answering. 

"Okay. Whatever you want. Let me handle something real quick, and then I'll meet you there." 

Patrice accepted her victory with a silly happy dance before turning to make enough room in her bed for an extra person. Terry sent her on her way with a light tap to her ass, amused by how something as simple as sleeping next to each other was exciting for her. 

Once she was safely out of the bathroom with the door shut behind her, he finally found time to take a deep breath and compose himself. The actual test of his strength was in the next room, and he couldn't risk the trust he'd worked so hard to build. 

After adjusting his shorts, he picked up his phone and sat on the toilet lid, hoping that watching dog videos or Nationals highlights would clear his mind.

He had every intention of opening the web browser on his phone until he noticed a series of messages from an old friend.

From: McBride 

You check your mail? 

Trial against chief starts in two weeks. Gonna need you to testify to take him down

Know you said you weren’t coming back

Do it for Mike

---

TAGS: @planetblaque @wvsspoppin @thatone-girly @oniccah @avoidthings @slutsareteacherstoo @eilujion @amyhennessyhouse @yaachtynoboat711 @jenlovey @pinkpantheris @blowmymbackout @deja-r

[delicatetaysversion]

turns out studying something properly one time DOES help during revision and the brain does remember

[azsazz]

Glitz, Glam & Grand Prix

Formula One!Azriel x Reader

Summary: Set at the Las Vegas Grand Prix, you, as Ferrari's team Media Trainer, struggle with keeping both drivers in line.

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 1,887

Notes: Back again with another F1 AU 💙 so obsessed with this trope tbh

Belongs to the Off Grid collection.

_________________________________________

“I am not wearing this,” Azriel says flatly, staring at the garment in his hand in horror. He’s holding the hanger hook between a pinched thumb and forefinger, like the newly designed sequined bomber jacket might jump off the holder and strangle him.

He might prefer that.

“Yes, you are,” you answer, distractedly. Your phone buzzes in your hand, another email coming through. Something about a calendar change with the scheduled interviews for the two drivers you’re in charge of for media training. “You’re going to put that jacket on, just like all of the other drivers are doing, and you’re going to march your ass over to the social media team and do what they ask without complaint.”

You cut your—secret—boyfriend a harsh look that matches your no-nonsense tone. He holds your look for all of four seconds before giving in, returning to his glower to the garment in his hand instead. It’s smart of him, choosing not to start with you while you’re in Media Training mode, not secret girlfriend mode where you shoot him teasing grins and cheeky glances behind everyone’s backs.

“Give it here, old man,” Dorian Havilliard says, swiping the coat from him. You cringe, offering Azriel an apologetic smile that looks more like a grimace when his hazel gaze swings wildly to meet yours. As if you can do something about the driver tasing him. Azriel looks like he’s about two seconds from trying to lay Dorian—Ferrari’s newest recruit—out flat.

“I’m not even that old,” Azriel mutters, giving up before the arguing can even begin. The drivers haven’t started off on a good foot, Azriel upset about the realization that he’s getting older in this sport, and the looming fear that the rookie is going to replace him for his Driver 1 spot. For Dorian, he’s too naive yet to understand that he can learn a thing or two from the veteran driver. “Can I fake a stomach bug to get out of this one, ba—(Y/N)?” Azriel stutters, quickly catching his mistake.

Your eyes widen, but thankfully, Dorian doesn’t seem to notice, too enraptured with the design on the back of the bomber. Three dice line the back in white sequins, and instead of regular pips, the black of the dice spells out the acronym F1LVGP: Formula 1 Las Vegas Grand Prix.

It is pretty ugly, but you cannot wait to see your boyfriend in it.

Both drivers are set to shoot media in the very jackets that fans received with their purchase of tickets months ago. It’s going to be as gimmicky and cheesy as Azriel thinks it’s going to be, which is why you refrained from mentioning this specific part of the media tour to him this weekend.

“The fans are going to want to see you both in that jacket,” you explain, biting your lip at Dorian, who has zipped it up to his collarbones. It does look horrid, and there’s a part of you that wishes you could warn the social team about Azriel’s reluctant attitude. Hopefully, they don’t give him any props that might make him look even sillier. “It’s good for the team and the race. Plus, interaction gets us all paid, boys.”

Your phone pings with another important message, a call-in meeting with the Ferrari Public Relations team managers to develop key messages that align with the brand values, sponsor commitments, and team ethos.

With the two stubborn-minded drivers on your team, that part might prove to be difficult.

After that it’s crisis meetings with said drivers, training both Dorian and Azriel on how to efficiently deflect the potential damaging and sensitive questions about what happened in Brazil two weeks ago. Azriel is used to it, and as much as he hates the interview portion of his job, is trained well in answering these types of questions with tact and confidence.

Dorian, on the other hand, is still young and new to the team. The interviewers will no doubt single him out, sniffing out his fresh blood because he’s more likely to make a mistake. You already know that he’s a touch hot-headed when it comes to the obvious rift between the two Ferrari drivers, and if the interviewers pose a question that gives him room to get a word in about Azriel, you have no doubt that he’ll take it, even without realizing exactly how it could impact the team image.

You’re going to make sure that that doesn’t happen.

The rest of the weekend is planned out down to the minute. You’re not even sure you have a single free second to spend with Azriel.

Las Vegas is always exhausting.

“Hey, boss? When do we have some down time this weekend?” Dorian asks, as if he’s somehow reading your mind. You’re dreading this, having to tell a freshly turned twenty-one-year-old in Las Vegas for the first time that he’s not going to be able to go buck-wild. He’ll have to save that for a bye-week or a break. You’re here for business and racing this weekend, not strip-shows and high-hollers tables.

And while he may have an appearance at Omnia night club post-race on Sunday, you’ve tasked yourself with keeping an eye on the rookie, this weekend more so than during the rest of the races this season.

“Unlikely, Havilliard,” you answer, finally looking up from the calendar on your phone. He should really know by now how this all works—it’s race 22 for Mother’s sake—that everything is all work and no play until after the race, but as it’s Dorian’s first year in the big leagues, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

It’s been years since you worked with a rookie. You’ve been on Ferrari’s team for a while now, working with Azriel and veteran driver Rowan Whitethorn who accepted an offer from McLaren at the end of last season. It had been bliss, the both of them the most unproblematic drivers on the grid, letting their racing do the talking for them.

But it had been more difficult to get them to talk than you thought. The pair hadn’t been as personable to the world because of their stoic behavior, but when you were hired on, you whipped them into tip-top shape, both drivers the perfect media trained racers within all of Formula 1.

“We’re here for work. You’ll have some time after practice and the race, but Saturday night you’re not to be spotted in any clubs or casinos too late,” you explain, shoving your phone into your back pocket to give him your full attention when you say this. You watch your words settle within Dorian, his shoulders falling more and more as you continue. “You’re not to go overboard. That means no drinking, no gambling, no—”

“Fun?”

You sigh at his disheartened look. Maybe it would be alright if he spent some time with some of the veteran drivers, maneuvering Las Vegas along with them. He’ll find that he can still find fun in moderation. Too bad you know Azriel will cut that idea off at the neck.

“I know it sounds boring, Dorian,” you try easily, giving the young driver a sympathetic look. “It’s your first time in Las Vegas and that’s very exciting, but you really need to think hard about what you’re doing here because there are temptations, but there are so many cameras and eyes on you. If you can handle how things might be construed, you don’t have my blessing, but I can’t force you to sit in your hotel all weekend.”

Something sparks in those deep blue eyes at your hidden message. You’ve warned him and you’re not flat-out telling him that you’ll look the other way, that you’ll clean up a mess for him if he makes it, but he should get to live a little, at least.

You know that he’s unlikely to listen to you anyway, friends with a lot of the other young drivers who are just as excited to be in Las Vegas as Dorian is; Ruhn Danaan, Ithan Holstrom, and Tharion Ketos to name a few, with veteran driver Cassian Bailey taking them all under their wing.

That tiny detail means that you’re going to have your work cut out for you this season.

“You got it, boss,” Dorian salutes, shooting you the most innocent look he can muster.

Behind him, Azriel rolls his eyes, and you’re pretty sure you hear him mutter, “Kiss ass,” under his breath, which both you and Dorian effectively ignore.

You’re proud, he’s already learning.

“Alright, Dorian. You’re up first for bomber jacket media, I have something to talk about with Azriel, but we’ll be down soon. You know where you’re going?” You ask, even though his security detail is awaiting him in the hall outside of the suite.

“Of course,” Dorian nods, passing you with his phone already out in his hand. You give him all of three seconds before he begins posting Instagram stories about the hotel. “Thank you for everything, (Y/N).”

“My pleasure,” you answer, waiting until the door shuts behind him before spinning towards your boyfriend and pinning him with a stern look. “You need to stop being so negative, Az. Dorian is on your team and he’s here to stay, at least for the next two seasons until your contract ends. If you want Ferrari to keep you, the both of you will have to start getting along sooner rather than later, and Dorian is a sweetheart.”

“Not you too,” Azriel groans. “Come on, babe, no one can be that charming.”

You hum, stepping into your boyfriend’s warm body. If this is all the time you’re allowed this weekend, you’re going to take advantage of it. Azriel’s hands find your hips easily, a firm, comforting weight against your skin. “I seem to remember someone else that was quite charming when we met,” you tease, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him into a kiss that makes your heart race faster than the speed of his car.

“I was pretty charming, wasn’t I?” Azriel grins, waggling his eyebrows, and you love looking at him like this, happy, when his eyes crinkle in the corners with his smile, the slight dimple in his cheek deepening. He’s so handsome. “Want to go down to the Little White Chapel later and make this official?” Azriel teases and your heart fucking soars, even if he is only poking fun.

Someday the man in your arms won’t be a secret anymore. You’ll be able to flaunt him all over the world, build a life with him, love him not just in the shadows.

“Without a ring?” You joke right back, pinching his side. “I don’t think so, Az.”

“Baby, I’ll get you the biggest ring I can find,” Azriel’s words are husky, his breath hot against the shell of your ear as he dips his chin. “I’ll give you the whole damn world, (Y/N). I love you.”

“I love you too,” you respond breathlessly, and begin rethinking your refusal to marry him on the strip in Las Vegas without a ring. You’ll take him now, hell, you’ll even marry him in the sequined bomber jacket, you don’t care.

You just want to be his, not in secret anymore.

_________________________________________

Tagging people from the last F1 fic. If you don't want to be tagged just lmk 🥰

@iambored24601 @secretlyhers @kylaisra @daily-dose-of-sass @moosemahboi @devilsfoodcake22 @blackthorngirl @brieflyclassymortal @starsdoulikedem @cami26cami @justasillylittlegoofyguy @milswrites @navyblue-eternity @kennedy-brooke @mimsie95 @shadowsingersmate24 @piceous21 @skyjasper @soulessjourney @despoinasstuff @weasleyreidstyles @marrass @favfantasyreads @fairywriter-oracle @georgiastars13 @blueblondi @namelesssav @tothestarsandwhateverend @brekkershadowsinger

[f1fnatic]

SUR LE POINT ⤿ c. leclerc 16

→ ( in which. . . ) you, toto wolff's daughter, are dating semi-rival team driver charles leclerc and toto is trying his best to support your relationship while also being a proud dad.

→ ( fanfic genre. . . ) smau

→ ( face claim. . . ) taylor hill + pictures from pinterest

→ ( pairing. . . ) charles leclerc x wolff!ballerina!reader

→ ( content warnings/disclaimers. . . ) cursing, fluff, google translated german and french

→ ( author's note. . . ) woohoo another smau! these are genuinely so fun to make but sooo time consuming. i hope you enjoy! see end for more

→ ( masterlist )

─ INSTAGRAM ↴

y/n_wolff

📍monte carlo, monaco

liked by susiewolff, lewishamilton, yourbff, charles_leclerc and 953,730 others

y/n_wolff a break between shows 🌞

view 19,572 comments

user7 she is stunning!

user10 mother is mothering

charles_leclerc that dog better not be in the apartment when i get home.

y/n_wolff um about that!

charles_leclerc oh mon dieu

y/n_wolff btw her name is olive!!

susiewolff Meine schöne tochter 💓 (my beautiful daughter)

y/n_wolff woher, glaubst du, habe ich es? (where do you think i got it from?)

mercedesamgf1 baby boss is glowing 🫡🫧 liked by y/n_wolff

yourbsf my legs are dead because of you.

y/n_wolff not my fault you couldn't keep up 😒

user44 need to know where you got that top!

y/n_wolff its actually a dress and i made both of the flower and lemon one myself!

user16 i wonder how toto feels ab this

user19 he was asked during an interview and was hesitant, but supportive !!

charles_leclerc holy 🥴 liked by y/n_wolff

lewishamilton you're in monaco and you dont even stop and say hi? smh 😒

y/n_wolff I AM SORRY BLAME CHARLES

charles_leclerc WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING ME INTO THIS?

y/n_wolff BECAUSE ITS YOUR FAULT?

lewishamilton i was kidding 😀

charles_leclerc has added to their story!

caption: i can't even be mad 😔 y/n_wolff

lewishamilton has added to their story!

caption: apology accepted ✅ y/n_wolff

─ TWITTER ↴

─ INSTAGRAM ↴

y/n_wolff has reposted a story!

caption: she's in the zone dnd 💆🏻‍♀️🌙 y/n_wolff

y/n_wolff

📍vienna, austria

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton, susie_wolff, francisca.cgomes and 987,540 others

y/n_wolff ladies and gentleman... your 2024 white swan!!

it is such an honor to be awarded this role. ever since i was a kid and saw my first performance of swan lake, i fell in love. from that moment, i knew i wanted to be odette. this is truly a dream come true.

i would like to thank the wienerstaatsballet for such a wonderful opportunity and trusting me with such an important role. along with my amazing parents, toto & susie_wolff, and my wonderful boyfriend charles_leclerc. you have all shown me such support and love, i couldn't have done this without any of you.

(p.s. see the link in bio for showings 😉)

view 23,517 comments

user16 she is so unbelievably pretty

mickschumacher woohoo!! you go y/n!

y/n_wolff thank you mickyyy

user8 CONGRATS Y/N! liked by y/n_wolff

charles_leclerc so happy for you mon cynge 🫀 (my swan)

lewishamilton congratulations y/n! i remember watching you as a young girl just starting out, this is such a wonderful achievement, you deserve it more than anyone 🖤

y/n_wolff thank you so much lew 🥹💞

user5 they're so sibling coded 💔

mercedesamgf1 woohoo! congrats baby boss 🥳🙌🏻

y/n_wolff thank u admin 🥰

charles_leclerc when you called me to say you got the part, pride flooded my senses. i know how much this part means to you, etoile. i am so happy for you, je t’aime plus que tout ❤️ (star, i love you more than anything)

y/n_wolff i love you so much, mon coeur 💌

yourbsf the best to do it ❣️🦢 liked by y/n_wolff

yourballetfriend happy for u y/n 🙂

user77 she doesn't seem happy...

user44 i wouldn't blame her 🤷🏾‍♀️

user2 yeah but ballet is competitive it's part of the sport

susie_wolff Ich bin so stolz auf dich, Y/N. Worte können meinen Stolz nicht ausdrücken. Es ist mir eine Ehre, dich meine Tochter nennen zu dürfen (i am so proud of you, y/n. words cannot express my pride. i am honored to call you my daughter)

y/n_wolff hör auf, mama, ich werde weinen, ich liebe dich so sehr (stop mama, i'm going to cry, i love you so much)

francisca.cgomes my fave ballerina 🩰�� liked by y/n_wolff

scuderiaferrari 🩰🏎️ liked by y/n_wolff

user10 i am so normal about this (i am so insanely happy for her)

─ TWITTER ↴

─ INSTAGRAM ↴

toto_wolff

liked by y/n_wolff, lewishamilton, susie_wolff, charles_leclerc and 2,836,123 others

tagged: y/n_wolff

toto_wolff Congratulations to my wonderful daughter, Y/N. Ich bin so stolz auf dich, meine Blume. Zu sehen, wie du zu dem heranwächst, was du jetzt bist, war so ein Segen. Ich fühle mich geehrt, dein Vater zu sein. Mach weiterhin großartige Dinge, ich liebe dich. (I'm so proud of you, my flower. Seeing you grow into what you are now has been such a blessing. I am honored to be your father. Keep doing great things, I love you.)

view 959,237 comments

user71 THE STREETS WERE RIGHT!!

user50 this is so sweet oh my god

user9 oh to have a dad like toto wolff

y/n_wolff oh papa, ich liebe dich so sehr. Ich hätte mir keinen besseren vater wünschen können, ich danke dem universum jeden Tag dafür, dass ich gesegnet genug bin, dich als meinen vater zu haben. danke, dass du immer für mich da bist 😭❤️ (oh papa, i love you so much. i couldn't have asked for a better father, i thank the universe everyday for being blessed enough to have you as my dad. thank you for always being there for me)

user11 i want what they have 🥲

susie_wolff Unsere wundervolle Tochter (our wonderful daughter)

lewishamilton What a star🌟!

user14 crying in daddy issues

christianhorner Congratulations, Wolff. You have raised a wonderful daughter.

toto_wolff Thank you, Horner.

user88 the passive aggression

user51 the girls are fighting

mercedesamgf1 Boss man making us cry 🫡

charles_leclerc it is such an honor to be dating your daughter, toto

toto_wolff Couldn't have asked for anyone better.

y/n_wolff does this mean that you will let him win, papa?

toto_wolff No.

*comments under this post have been limited*

whoop! another fic done 🥳this was super fun to write, i loved looking for pictures, especially the toto-baby reader one 💔 not a lot of toto content... oh well. i am thinking of making a taglist, so let me know if you would like to be on it! also, hope i made it clear enough that toto does not know how to use instagram, and reader had to help him with making a post/comment. he doesn't know how like comments yet. thank you for reading! as usual, requests and feedback are welcome. make sure to leave a comment and kudos! (only if you want :P)

[works-of-fanfiction]

The Love of Another - Part Two || Cillian Murphy x actress!Reader

< Previous

Summary: After meeting on the set of Peaky Blinders, Cillian and Y/N struggle to keep their relationship professional.

Warnings: Swearing, cheating, angst. Some (pretty cringe) fluff at the end.

Word Count: 5.7k

 a/n: thank you so much for the lovely feedback on the first part of this! I haven’t written anything multi-part in literal years, but this was fun. some chunky sections of dialogue here, hopefully easy to follow! enjoy x 

(Paul is Paul Anderson and Sophie is Sophie Rundle (if that wasn’t obvious already). Y/N’s character in the show is not canon/replacing any of the actresses, just feel free to use your imagination and slot her in somewhere! it is yourself after all.)

“Would you rather have Tommy teach you to ride a horse, or Arthur teach you to box?” The interviewer asked, smiling at the actress in front of her. Y/N chewed the inside of her cheek, tapping her knee as she thought about her answer. “That’s a hard one, because both could end up with me on the floor!” She joked, looking past the camera at the crew who were essentially getting paid to laugh at anything she said. “I have to go with Tommy on this one. It’s probably the least dangerous! Plus, who doesn’t love watching Cillian ride those horses?” The two women laughed together before swiftly moving onto the more serious questions about Y/N’s debut in the series. “I’d have gone with Arthur.” Y/N’s husband sneered, lowering the volume on the TV. Behind him she was sat at the table, re-reading the new scripts she’d been sent and familiarising herself with the lines.

“They pay me to say stuff like that, you know.” She declared casually, not bothering to look up from the page. He turned around and watched as she scribbled down some notes, mouthing words to herself quietly.

“They pay you to brown-nose Cillian?” He scoffed, leaning on the back cushion. Dropping her pencil with a sigh, she finally looked up with raised brows.

“Yes. Just like I got paid to brown-nose every other man I’ve worked with.” She quipped sarcastically, rolling her eyes, and twirling the pencil between her fingers. She waited for him to respond, but the snarky comeback never came. A smart choice on his part.

Despite her only having met Cillian once, her husband still had this bizarre idea that they’d spent every waking moment together during filming. Y/N had become too exhausted to argue about it. Her career and her future in Peaky Blinders was a lot more important than her husband’s petty jealousy, and she certainly wasn’t going to throw away the role of a lifetime because of him.

“Y/N… Your line.” The prompter called, waving the script in the air and tapping the page with her pen.

“Oh, sorry. Can we go from the top?” Y/N asked nervously, looking around at the crew that were becoming increasingly impatient. What was supposed to be a quick and simple scene was turning into an hour of do-overs with Y/N forgetting small details on every take. “I’m really sorry everyone.” She addressed the room, some mumbling back, others just rolling their eyes and whispering among themselves.

Stepping forward off his mark, Cillian turned to the director. “I think we can pick this up next week. Don’t you?” He asked quietly, eyes flitting to Y/N and back again. “Long day…”

“Alright. We’ll set up for this scene first thing Monday morning, but I want it finished and perfect by lunchtime.” He spun in his chair, ordering everyone to go home and rest up on their rare weekend off.

Sighing, Y/N tugged at her hair, freeing it from the clips holding it tightly in place. Paul patted her shoulder sympathetically before leaving set, shaking Cillian’s hand on the way out. Cillian sat down beside her quietly, waiting for everyone else to filter out. Once the room was empty, he scooted closer, slipping his hand in hers beneath the table. “I had it, Cill, I had it.”

“I know.” He soothed, stroking her knuckles with his thumb. “I did it for my sake, not yours. This suit is itching.” He joked lightly, pulling at his collar. Looking up, she felt a smile creeping onto her face. There he was, being cheesy, always trying to cheer her up.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

“I think the guest in your trailer might have something to do with it.”

Nodding, she looked down at their hands, at Cillian’s gentle fingers dancing along her veins. She thought about her husband; how he’d travelled all this way and spent the entire afternoon waiting for her. Yet here she was, comfortable in the arms of another man, betraying him for the thousandth time.

Cillian could see the cogs turning in her head. Forgetting to blink, she stared down at the tabletop, studying the cracks in the brown paint. He squeezed her hand softly, reminding her he was still there. “What are you thinking?” He whispered.

“I have to tell him, don’t I?” She asked, not really seeking an answer. For months she’d tried to plan a way to tell him, to come out with the truth and end her marriage for good, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. It wasn’t something she could do over the phone, but she also couldn’t bear to see him in person. She continued to pretend everything was OK, smiling through their FaceTime calls and sending love hearts whenever she couldn’t answer. ‘Couldn’t’ meaning when she was with Cillian.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do it, or when, or where, but I know I have to. I mean, it’s been a year already, and I think I just lost track of time but then  – “

“Hey, hey.” Cillian grabbed her face gently, putting a pause to her rambling. “You don’t need to go making any grand declarations today.”

“If I leave it any longer, it’ll just make it worse.”

Y/N seemed to stare straight through him, her jaw tensing beneath his fingers. Part of him wished he could fix it for her, that he could go to her husband himself and tell him the truth to save her the burden. He feared how her husband could react, knowing he had a habit of getting jealous and suspicious whenever she got too friendly with a man. He knew he could handle it but wasn’t sure she’d be able to.

“Y/N!” A voice shouted from the entrance; it was Sophie, looking for her so she could drag her to her birthday night out. The pair separated, Cillian standing awkwardly. “There you are. Come with me, I’ve found the perfect dress for you to wear tonight!”

“I’ll leave you ladies to it.” He smiled, giving Y/N one last reassuring smile before leaving the building. The last thing Y/N wanted to do was go out, but she didn’t want the crew hating her even more after her earlier fiasco, so she dragged herself to the wardrobe department and let Sophie show her the dresses they were going to ‘borrow’ for the evening.

“A vision in red! Happy birthday, sweetheart.” Paul beamed, hugging Y/N tight as she joined the group, her husband in tow. Paul made the effort to greet him - the man lucky enough to steal Y/N’s heart - as he put it. She laughed along, the pang of guilt inside her chest doubling in size. He may’ve had occupancy of her heart once upon a time, but that space had since been filled by someone else, and that someone was currently sat in the corner looking as handsome as ever. Cillian raised his glass to her, smiling, his arm flexing in his t-shirt. She nodded back, the all-too-familiar rush of heat spreading up her neck and to her face.

It was the perfect night for it, considering the football match just a few miles down the road was keeping most of the city occupied for a couple of hours. Everyone chose to pack out the pubs, leaving the majority of the bars fairly empty and ideal for the star-studded crowd to hide out and enjoy their night. It wasn’t often they all stepped out together like this, but birthdays were an exception. 

“Drink?” Y/N’s husband asked, throwing his arm over her shoulder. Leading her to the bar, he gushed about his conversation with the Arthur Shelby, and how much of a nice guy he was. She wondered if he’d speak so highly of Cillian, or if his strange vendetta would get the better of him. “Shots for the birthday girl?”

“Oh, not yet. Let me ease myself in.” She laughed weakly, drumming her fingers on the bar.

“Not even one?”

“Why? Are you trying to get me drunk?” She raised a brow, eliciting a chuckle from him.

“Well, you always were fun after a few drinks…” He purred, leaning down to press a kiss to her cheek. She grimaced at his words, but luckily he didn’t notice as he was too busy waving at the bartender.

He ordered, yelling obnoxiously over the music. Y/N’s eyes wandered across the back of the bar as she absentmindedly bobbed her head to the song playing, mouthing some of the words. “Oh, I’ll get these.” They both turned to see Cillian standing there with his hands tucked into his pockets, a friendly smile on his face.

“It’s alright, mate. I promised I’d get the birthday girl her first drink.” Her husband’s hold on her tightened as he spoke, his fake grin wide enough to blind a man.

Y/N stood there between the two men, her heart pounding as she felt Cillian’s stare on her face. He’d had good intentions coming over, wanting to keep an eye on her, but she wished he’d stayed put at his table. She already struggled to act normal around her husband, and her lover’s presence only made things ten times more difficult.

“Perhaps some shots then? My treat?” Cillian rested his arm on the bar, catching the attention of another bartender.

“She doesn’t want – “

“Shots sound great. Thanks, Cill – ian.” She stuttered, correcting the nickname before her husband noticed. He looked down at his wife, then back at the man beside her who calmly ordered, leaning over the bar so he didn’t have to shout. Funny how she suddenly agreed to shots when he was the one paying…

Cillian passed Y/N and her husband a shot each, and they downed the drinks together. She winced as it burned her throat, sticking out her tongue as she groaned. “Tequila! Are you trying to kill me?” 

The Irishman laughed, nodding a last thank you across the bar. “Happy birthday, Y/N.” He smiled sincerely, giving her arm an affectionate squeeze. He left the bar, rejoining the cast and crew and instantly slotting himself into a conversation. She watched him fondly, almost forgetting about the man stood behind her. Stretching his arm over her shoulder, her husband placed the drink into her hand. 

She turned and took a sip. “Thank you… Wait, you didn’t take your shot?” She asked, pointing at the full glass on the bar. He shook his head, taking a swig of his beer. “Why not?”

Swallowing with a loud ‘ah’, he shrugged, his expression blank. “I figured it was a moment to be shared between the two of you. Here. Why don’t you have mine?” He slid the shot towards her, tapping the rim of the glass twice. “Go on. It’s your birthday after all.” 

“You’ve got some nerve. Can’t you go a day without starting this bloody argument?” She hissed, pushing the shot back to him. Some of it spilt over the edge, leaving a sticky sheen on the bar. “Drink it, and let’s go join my friends.” 

“I wouldn’t drink it if you paid me to.” He leaned down to her level, trying to intimidate her, but it didn’t work. She wasn’t scared of him; she just saw him as a pathetic, jealous little boy. When he behaved like this, it made her wonder why she ever felt bad for cheating on him at all. 

“Fine. You want to be a child? Then two can play that game, babe.” She spat, turning on her heels and heading towards Cillian. She slipped herself into the group between him and Sophie, linking arms with the woman on her left. “Which one of you is going to dance with me?” 

“I thought you’d never ask!” Sophie squealed, taking Y/N’s drink. “Look after this, will you?” Thrusting it into Cillian’s free hand, she then dragged Y/N into the nearest space, throwing her arms in the air and whooping to the music. They joined hands and spun around like two girls in a playground, shouting the wrong lyrics to the song and giggling uncontrollably. 

Y/N twirled around and set her sights on Cillian, beckoning him over with her finger. “I’m not dancing!” He laughed over the music, keeping a firm grip on their drinks. “I’m guarding your drink!” 

“No, go on. It’s her birthday.” Her husband goaded, appearing behind Cillian. Y/N frowned as she watched the two men speak, unable to hear what they were saying. Sophie grabbed her and spun her around, putting her back to them.

“Shouldn’t it be you dancing with her?” Cillian asked innocently, gently placing the drinks on the table. 

“Oh… I don’t think she’s my friend at the moment.” 

Watching his wife dance, he got the sense he was losing her; that she was slipping away from him and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He’d noticed how Cillian watched her, that lovesick puppy dog smile pasted on his face and eyes following her every move. He had attended many an event with her past co-stars, and none of them had ever looked at her like that. To him, Cillian was showing off, gloating that he’d lured his wife away from him. He wanted to wipe the shit-eating grin off his face if it was the last thing he ever did.

Y/N stumbled out of Sophie’s grasp, dizzily making her way back to the table. “Everything alright?” She asked, out of breath and reaching for her drink. “It’s a workout dancing with her.” 

“Don’t you worry, love. Everything’s fine. I was just talking to Cillian here about you. About the two of you, I mean.” Sniggering behind his glass, he gulped down the remainder of his beer and wiped his mouth, clearing his throat. Cillian’s face contorted in confusion, his fingers gripping the edge of the table, toes curling inside his shoes out of frustration.

“What’s he said to you?” She asked, directing her question to Cillian. He opened his mouth to speak, only to be rudely interrupted. 

“So quick to jump to his defence.” 

“We’re not doing this here.” Y/N snapped, dropping her glass with a thud. “You are not showing me up in front of my colleagues, my friends.” 

“Pick a place then, love. It won’t make a fucking difference.” Her husband could be nasty when need be, but she wasn’t about to stand and take it, especially not with an audience. 

“Right - “ Cillian started, cut off by Y/N barging past them both and towards the doors. This caught the attention of her cast mates, which Cillian quickly fed a lie to before speeding after her. 

He found her outside, stood against the wall and hunched over, hands clutching her knees. “Y/N, I’m so sor - “ 

“Cillian, don’t you dare apologise for his behaviour. Do you hear me?” Her voice shook as she spoke, the sudden rush of anger overwhelming her. She slid down the wall, sitting on the pavement, her exposed shoulders flat against the cold bricks. “Who does he think he is? Acting like that in front of everyone? I could lose my fucking job.” 

“You wouldn’t lose - “ 

“Yes, Cillian. I would. If the studio… If the writers found out about this - “ 

“They won’t.” He asserted, kneeling down so they were on the same level. “They won’t.” 

She took a few deep breaths, Cillian’s presence calming her down as he crouched opposite her, his fingers resting lightly on her knees. “You know, for months I have felt like the worst human being in the world. Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the cheat staring back, the lousy fucking cheat.” 

“So, you’re not perfect. You’ve done some, admittedly not great things, but I don’t think anyone in there would blame you.” 

“Somehow I don’t think they’d praise me for fucking my co-star behind my husband’s back.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes and rubbing her temple with her fingertips. “God, I’m sorry, Cillian. I’m not trying to… You’re so much more than that, I – “

“It’s alright. You’re upset… And I can handle whatever you throw at me.” He joked, reaching out to pinch her chin.

Hearing the doors swing open, the two flinched, Cillian rising from the ground instinctively. “Well, isn’t this cosy?” Y/N’s husband drawled, sauntering towards them. “So… I was right, yeah? You and him?” He pointed between them, his words directed at Y/N.

“Please…”

“Just answer me. Put me out of my God damn misery.” He threw his arms in the air in defeat, letting them fall to his sides, hitting his thighs with a loud slap.

Pressing her palms against the ground, Y/N pushed herself up, adjusting her dress as she steadied her feet. She approached her husband, and Cillian put his arm out to try and hold her back. “It’s OK, Cill.” She stood looking up at the man she once loved, her hands balled into fists at her side, thumbs picking at the fabric clinging to her legs. “You’re right. You figured it out.”

He exhaled a laugh, kissing his teeth. “I knew it.” Turning away, he ran his hands through his hair, looking up to the sky and sighing deeply. “How long?” He looked back, hands on his hips and brows furrowed. “Y/N, how long?”

“Since my twenty-ninth birthday…” She said shyly, realising just how much worse that made everything look. It had been exactly a year, pretty much to the hour, that she’d shared the first kiss with Cillian that started it all.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Well, I am sorry for interrupting your little anniversary night…” Exasperated, he took a deep breath and exhaled the air with puffed cheeks. “You know what? You are not the woman I married.” He pointed his finger in her face, but she didn’t react. Folding her arms over her chest, she stepped back until she felt Cillian against her, his hands supporting her upper arms. He whispered comforting words into her ear and her eyes began to water as she continued to stare at her husband, distant and unblinking.

Silence fell upon them, and Y/N expected more to be said, but was surprised to witness her husband turn and walk away. Anything else he had left to say was muttered under his breath as he disappeared around the corner. She and Cillian waited a few seconds to see if he would come back, but the street stayed unusually empty and quiet. “It’s alright. He’s gone.” Cillian whispered, and she spun in his arms, clinging onto him desperately.

Her thoughts felt like they were drowning in a whirlpool, like she couldn’t take control of them no matter how hard she tried. The heaviness in her heart had dissipated, but the ache in her stomach and throbbing in her head persisted. “Can we get out of here, please?” She begged, her head buried in Cillian’s chest.

“Shall I tell the others we’re leaving?”

“Just leave it. Please, can we just go?” Her voice cracked as her hold on him tightened, pieces of his shirt screwed up between her fingers.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

Lying on the bed, Y/N stared at the ceiling, her fingers ghosting over Cillian’s as he laid beside her. A strange mixture of relief and dread washed over her body, making her feel weak yet incredibly alive at the same time. She wanted to jump up and down, to declare her feelings for Cillian from the highest rooftop she could find. However, another part of her wanted to hide, to burrow under the covers like a scared child until it was safe to come out. She was too afraid to check her phone; it was probably already blowing up with messages from her family and friends.

How could you? 

Who was there for you when you were starting out? Did the fame get to your head? 

He’s heartbroken! You should be ashamed. 

The mere thought of it all made her head spin, and it was far easier to leave her phone on do not disturb and pretend no one else existed for a moment. Her thoughts felt so loud, and she wondered if they both held their breaths for a moment, would Cillian be able to hear the gears twisting and turning inside her brain? Or the steam coming out of her ears? 

“Some birthday this was.” She sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “Am I supposed to feel bad? Like… Is this the point where I’m supposed to cry and scream about how terrible of a person I am?” 

“You can if you want to.” Cillian turned his head to the left, and she looked over at the same time, their eyes meeting in the middle.

“No… I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to. I just can’t. I don’t feel bad, not anymore. Is that horrible?” 

“How do you feel?” 

This was a new feeling for Y/N, for the both of them in fact. Throughout their relationship they’d spoken about everything from their favourite albums to their very particular pet peeves. They’d even spent a whole night debating the existence of aliens, sitting out on the balcony of a hotel room and bickering with each other beneath the stars. The thing they hadn’t really spoken about were their feelings, including their feelings for each other. Those three fateful words were still dangling from the tip of Cillian’s tongue, and there was so much Y/N wanted to say in return.

“I feel… Relieved. I feel free.” Clasping her hands together, she tucked them under her head. “That’s awful to admit, isn’t it?” 

“It’s better than pretending.” He rubbed her shoulder soothingly, his thumb slipping beneath the strap of her dress. “Paul was right, you are a vision in red.” 

Y/N giggled, swatting his hand away and adjusting the strap. “You are such a flirt!” 

They stayed looking at each other, studying each other’s faces as if there was something new to see. Y/N counted the little flecks in Cillian’s bright blue eyes, watching his pupils twitch and change sizes with every few blinks. He added up the freckles on her face, imagining how they’d look if they were connected like tiny constellations across her cheeks. He smiled to himself, his tongue poking out to swipe across his bottom lip. “What?” She asked, eyes squinting with playful suspicion. 

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” His voice was gentle and quiet, barely reaching above a whisper. It wasn’t necessary in the room they were in. Not a single sound could be heard around them, except for their breathing and bodies shuffling against the sheets. He swallowed his words, assuming that perhaps she wasn’t ready to hear them. It had only been an hour since she confessed to her husband in the street, and he didn’t want to overwhelm her with a big declaration of love. He’d know when the time was right, he was sure of it.

Rolling off the bed, Y/N pressed a kiss to Cillian’s forehead and went to take a shower. Whilst she was gone, he looked around the bedroom, spotting various bits of his belongings scattered from the many times he’d stayed over. Filming for the series was almost complete, and it would soon be time for them to pack up their rentals and head home, wherever that may be. He thought about how things might change now that they technically didn’t have to sneak around anymore. Would people start to notice? Would they be victims of some derogatory Daily Mail headline by morning? 

Returning in a towel, Y/N sat on the edge of the bed, combing through her damp hair in the mirror. Cillian knelt behind her, balancing on the mattress as he ducked his head down to press a soft kiss to her shoulder. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the birthday you deserve.” He murmured against her skin. She closed her eyes and hummed, enjoying the feeling of his lips moving across her shoulder blade. 

“I think it was exactly what I deserved.” She whispered, turning her head to catch a glimpse of him. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he gazed up at her through his lashes. 

“There’s still just under two hours left of it. Do you think we can turn it around?”

“What do you suggest?” 

Cillian scrambled to his feet, hitting the carpet with a clumsy thud. Clicking his fingers, he pointed to Y/N, a goofy smile on his face. “You still have that wine in the fridge?” 

“You really trust me to drink wine after last time?” She raised a brow then mimed throwing up, clutching her stomach with her arm. “After last time…” She fake gagged, making him grimace.

“OK, OK! Bad idea!” 

He stood with one hand on his hip, the other raking through his hair. Cocking her head to the side, Y/N admired the view in front of her, pinching her bottom lip with her teeth. There was something oddly appealing about Cillian in regular clothes with the signature Tommy Shelby haircut. He wore a crisp white t-shirt with dark jeans, which just happened to be one of her favourite looks on him. It was simple, yet he somehow made it the most attractive thing she’d ever laid eyes on. Her eyes followed the trail of his veins down his forearm, where they reached the hand that sat just above his waistband.

“I’m gonna be honest, that was my only idea.” He laughed, resting his cheek in his hand. 

“Cillian…” She said softly, shuffling to the edge of the mattress. “Come here.”

As he approached, she parted her legs, giving him enough room to stand between them. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he looked down, his eyes meeting hers. She looked so beautiful like this; just wearing a towel with unruly wet strands of hair stuck to the sides of her face. Her cheeks blushed a light pink, decorated in a couple of stray droplets of water from the shower. 

“Closer.” She whispered, reaching up to grab his shirt. He lifted his knee and rested it on the mattress beside her, using his hands as support as he hovered over her, lowering her until she was laid on her back. 

“Is this close enough?” He breathed, his palms flat on either side of her head. 

“Almost…” 

He lowered himself further as if he was performing a press-up, using the strength in his wrists to steady himself above her. “This will do.” She smiled, bringing her lips to meet his. 

Dropping to his elbows, Cillian weaved his hands into her hair, tugging gently at the root. She moaned softly into his mouth, arching her back to inch herself closer to him and press their chests together. He groaned, a shiver coursing through his body as the towel around her dampened his shirt. 

Pulling away from the kiss, they each opened their eyes and gazed at the other, panting quietly with heat-flushed cheeks and swollen lips. Their faces were just close enough to still be able to see one another properly without their vision blurring. Y/N sighed, her forefinger tracing the curve of his cheekbone. “Are you OK?” Cillian asked, running the pad of his thumb along her bottom lip. 

“Yeah, I just…” She couldn’t concentrate with his fingers under her chin, featherlight and careful across her skin. Blinking slowly, she relaxed into his touch, relishing in the feeling of the goosebumps that prickled her cheeks. 

“We can stop if you want.” 

“No, no. That’s not what I want. Quite the opposite, actually.” Her words weren’t exactly a lie, but they didn’t seem to match the look on her face.

Worried, he flipped onto his side and laid next to her, his right hand finding a loose piece of thread hanging from the towel and twisting it around his finger. “If you need a bit of space for a while – “

“No, Cillian. Please don’t say that.”

“Alright, I’m sorry…”

“I just don’t know what happens next. Am I supposed to announce it to everyone? Do I file for divorce on Monday? How does this all work?” She laughed slightly, mostly at herself for being so clueless. “I think telling everyone my marriage is over will be the easy part. How do I tell them about us?”

“Well, the divorce stuff can wait for a bit. You don’t need to rush into anything.” He patted the bed, searching for her hand. She turned her palm upwards, letting his slide over the top and their fingers entwine. “As for telling anyone…”

“What?” She rolled onto her side, mirroring his position. “Do you think we should tell people?”

“I was going to say, is there really any need in telling anyone yet? I mean, we’ve kept it between the two of us for this long already and – “

“Yes, but that was because we didn’t have a choice.”

“I know... but just think about it. I think it would be weirder if we charged into work next week and announced it to everyone.”

She stared at a crease in Cillian’s shirt, daydreaming about how things were going to be. He was right. They didn’t need to shout about it, and Y/N certainly didn’t want to draw any attention to herself just yet. She already knew what people were going to think of her and label her as, and she wanted to delay the backlash for as long as possible; whether her husband was going to allow that was another story…

Cillian opened his arms for her, scooting higher onto the bed so his feet were no longer dangling off the edge. She followed, snuggling into him and tangling her legs with his. The silence between them was heavy, like there were a million words going unsaid. Y/N knew that Cillian was everything she wanted, but a small part of her worried about what would happen to her husband. Being married to someone for four years was going to leave a stamp on her forever, but she sincerely hoped he’d be OK, and that he wouldn’t try to inflict a war on her and Cillian. She knew in time that things would smooth themselves out and feel normal, but for now, she was content to sit in her little confusing bubble, just as long as Cillian was in it with her.

“Cill?”

“Mhm?”

“When we met earlier in wardrobe, and I spotted that box, what was in it?” She smiled sweetly, batting her eyelashes.

“You really wanna know?” She nodded. “OK… Well, that box wasn’t actually for you.”

“What?”

“I don’t know what was in it! It was already there.”

“Cillian!” She slapped his chest playfully and he huffed, feigning hurt. “Why did you say it was for me?”

“Technically, I didn’t! You just assumed.” He laughed, watching her cheeks redden and brows knit together. “Don’t look so disappointed! Listen, I’ll make it up to you tomorrow when I give, or rather take you to your real present.”

“Now I’m intrigued.”

“That’s all I’m saying! I’m not going to spoil it.”

“Fine…” He hugged her tightly, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. She listened to his heartbeat, counting the thumps in sets of eight. Looking up from his chest, she was surprised to see him already looking at her. “What about my other present?” She whispered.

“What do you – Oh, right. That.”

She sat up, kneeling beside him so she could see him better. He rotated onto his back, folding his arms across his chest, and tucking his hands under his arms. “Y/N – “

“No, wait!” She turned her head, fixing her messy hair and readjusting the towel around her body. Turning back with a flip of her hair and a dramatic flailing of her arms, she gestured for him to sit up.

“What are you doing?”

Awkwardly crawling closer on her knees, she ran the back of her hand over his cheek, leaving it to rest below his jaw. “Cillian.”

“Y/N.” He chuckled, and she immediately hushed him. She tried her best to be serious, but laughter threatened to burst out of her. “Whatever you’re doing, please get on with it because you’re freaking me ou – “

“Here it comes…” She spoke in her best attempt at an Irish accent, cringing at herself.

“Oh for Christ’s sake.” He threw his head back, belly laughing, and she grabbed him by his shirt to pull him back. Composing himself, he bit his cheeks to refrain from laughing any more. “Sorry… Go on.”

“I love you.”

He was silent, staring at her as he ran his fingers along his upper lip nervously. He knew it was coming, yet it still caught him by surprise, hearing those words come out of her mouth. He’d heard her say them plenty of times when they were in character, but this was different. They sounded so sweet when they finally meant something, and feeling her eyes on him made his heart pound in his chest. “Too cheesy?” Y/N asked, dropping the terrible accent.

“Cheesy, but I liked it.”

Sitting down cross-legged, she reached her hand out for him which he gladly took. He kissed her knuckles softly, keeping his lips there as he looked up at her. “I love you too.” He confessed. Both their bodies seemed to slump as if a weight they’d been carrying had been lifted, and despite everything that had happened, or rather gone wrong, that night, this moment felt right.  He kissed her again, before slotting his fingers between hers and giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “And we’re going to be OK.”

[notyouraryang0dd3ss]

One thing that I personally find super frustrating about Taylor Swift is the way she plays into the myth of the "lone genius" artist. Without collaboration, nothing gets done; or, if it does, it's typically of low or inconsistent quality. And this is true in pretty much ANY field or discipline you can think of: scientific research, advocacy work, etc. The fact that Taylor considers herself above that and persists in selling the myth of her "lone genius" to fans honestly feels malevolent and arrogant to me.

It's truly ridiculous, at the end of the day, that people call her a "poet" and "genius songwriter" for doing everything on her own. I think it really showcases how little she understands when it comes to poetry as an art form. Most legendary writers and poets have multiple people look over their work and go through many stages of the editing process. One of the purposes of art is to communicate, and it's honestly hard to tell sometimes if what you've written has meaning and communicates well outside of your own brain. Peer review is ESSENTIAL for writers.

I think it's also very telling that she considers herself a legendary poet and actively plays into that mythology by circulating the fact that she's distantly related to Emily Dickinson. As someone who has loved and studied literature for many years, I can honestly say that Taylor Swift's closest comparative when it comes to writing is Rupi Kaur. Pinterest poetry, and nothing more. And she has the arrogance to compare herself to one of the most important poets in American literary canon!

I'm reminded of something I heard Hozier say a little while back (I'm forgetting now which interview) about people praising his lyricism as poetry. He essentially called those claims an insult to poetry, stating that there are structural rules in music (rhyme scheme, beat, etc.) that he adheres to that poets don't have to, and that poets can be much more experimental and revolutionary in form (at least when it comes to the written word vs. the sung word). Only someone who genuinely loves poetry would say something like this; plus, it shows that he thinks about the different impacts that form can have on art the messages it communicates. And this, coming from one of the best singer/songwriters currently working!

TS and Hozier aren't writing in the same genre, but I do think it's interesting to compare them as artists in their respective approaches to lyricism. When it comes to Taylor, I think she cares more about the aesthetic of poetry as an art form than the actual art itself. Her writing doesn't actively interact with the literary canon that inspired it, like Hozier's does (or other great lyricists, like Kendrick/Florence/Mitski/Elton). Her writing feels very hollow and devoid of meaning to me.

i just want to say your ask and analysis was so well written 😭 thank you for sending this in!

Completely agree that Swift's solo songwriting genius is a myth. Only 2/16 songs from TTPD were solely credited to her...which means 12.5% of the album is solely her own writing. That is not a songwriting genius. That's just a songwriter. She already knows her fans are completely sold and convinced on her songwriting genius so of course she would drag out her ancestry.com results and up-play her relation to Emily Dickinson to help sell the aesthetic of the album. Everything for her is another marketing strategy. She has no respect for poetry, let alone writing as a craft itself. If you view her behavior through the lens of another writer, it's absolutely abhorrent, but if you view it through the lens of another capitalist, it's absolute genius.

I love your Hozier comparison because Hozier is only 4 months younger than Taylor yet the quality of their lyricism are oceans apart. Hozier has proven himself to be a talented writer time and time again throughout the course of his career, and the best songwriters often know and understand the power of other writing mediums. (BTW I know what Hozier interview you’re talking about! Here it is :))

What makes a great writer is knowing the canon, and knowing other writing mediums very well. It's why the greatest songwriters incorporate canon not only of their own genre and medium but of other texts as well (I'm biased because I listened to Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights today and I know its an adaptation but still its relevant here). Intextuality is the foundation of a great work, and Taylor's work has none.

As the other anon(s) have pointed out, Taylor no longer makes music as art. She makes music for money. I don't think any artist who likes what they do or cares about what they produce would put out an album like that, with lyrics like that, and its content. At least Rupi Kaur's writing impacted poetry in bringing it into the mainstream; I don't exactly understand what ttpd could offer as a text or in pop culture.

TLDR: hozier makes music for people who eat it from the back and then handfeed you grapes afterwards. taylor swift makes music for white girls entering their first day of 7th grade send tweet

[sensei-venus]

Um um um what about one where Jacob and Xolo have actress!reader on their podcast and they are just talking about acting but Jacob stares at her thebwhole time and gushes about her roles she's done before and Xolo teases him for "fanboying" over and having a crush on her?

(Unedited) (No Tags)

Reader really couldn't believe that out of all people Xolo and Jacob would be asking her to be on their podcast.

She originally met Xolo for a quick moment on a big red carpet event. It was months back and it was only for a split second. She had been seated at a table next to his for the dinner part of the event. They had simply said hi and that evolved into a quick conversation before the show started.

A week later he was sending her a DM though Insta a pretty normal conversation compared to some of the other weird messages she has gotten. He just made small talk and asked some general questions. It wasn't long into their small friendship that he asked the odd question.

“Would you be cool coming into the podcast with me and Jacob? As a guest start?”

She found it a little odd but didn't see a problem with it.

Sitting up in the middle of the night in her bed scrolling along. Her eyes reread the message over again to make sure she was actually seeing it right. Thinking it over the idea did sound kinda fun. She had done interviews before of course but never a podcast. It could be kinda fun and she would also be able to hang out with what she was sure of was a good friend. With the tap of a finger she sent a message agreeing to meet up and appear on the podcast the following month.

“Uh Reader are you in there? You okay?” Xolo’s voice broke her out of the small flashback she was having. Gathering her thoughts she nodded before looking over to the tanned man. He grinned as he started to walk into the small building. She quickly fell beside him as they made their way inside. Xolo’s smooth voice rang out “I'm so excited that you actually agreed to come on the podcast. I was kinda scared you wouldn't want to.” Reader laughed a little “Oh come on I couldn't pass up this fun experience! And plus this gives us a reason to actually meet up again, in person.” at that a switch seemed to flip on his brain.

His eyes widened for a moment as if he finally remembered something important “Oh yeah! I totally forgot that the last time we actually saw each other was when we were at that award event.” Reader nodded.

After walking around a few hallways they finally seemed to find the right door.

Before Xolo opened the door all they way he whispered “Dude Jacob is so excited to actually meet you so don't freak out if he's a little weird at first.” Reader raised a brow at him but before she could say something Xolo was pushing the door open. Walking in they were met with a pretty clean and comfortable room. It wasn't the usual set but it was very similar. The vibe was warm and friendly. A splash of oranges and reds filled the room in different things. Fuzzy red bean bags sat on the floor which had a amazing orange and red run underneath.

A few mics were laid around the room as well. A huge set of high-quality and expensive camera equipment. She could only guess that most of the other stuff behind the camera was their streaming equipment. Besides all of that stuff along with a few detective pieces, that was all the room had inside it.

Except for the person sitting in one of the chairs scrolling on his phone before looking up at them. Jacob grinned and shot up from his chair, throwing his phone back into the seat before walking over to them.

“Yo!! Man, you made it right on time I was just about to text you.” he gave the other guy a small side hug. Xolo laughed at his excitement saying “Yeah it's no big deal, I was just waiting for Reader to get here. I wanted to make sure she was able to find her way here. Didn't want her getting lost or anything, plus it gave up a minute to talk.” Jacob only blinked at him. His grin disappeared and was pulled into more of a small smile with a hint of flatness. The look made Reader want to say something but the words caught in her throat.

She had never meet Jacob before and almost all of what she knew about him was from Xolo. Colo talked about him quiet a bit in their texts to each other. It was pretty normals seeing as the two where such good friends and had been on the same show and set for so long now. Their friendship seemed sweet. She couldn't deny that in some of her free time she had sat down and watched a few interview clips of the two friends together. Their friendship was strong and she loved that for them.

Seeing Jacob in person was a whole new experience for her. She didn't exactly expect to feel what she was now feeling. Her cheeks heated up a little at the new feeling of closeness between them.

Jacob was both cute and hot all at once. He was extremely attractive up close and personal. Maybe it was just different then looking at him in some pictures or in a few videos online. Seeing him up close made her see a lot more. His eyes, his nose, ears and brows. All of those stuck out to her in a good way.

In some way her mind tried to rip those thoughts from her consciousness.

Two sets of eyes were on her and for once she felt a little nervous.

In a weak attempt to get the attention off of her for a moment she interjected into their conversation “So are you guys ready to sit down and record this thing?” both boys grinned at her and nodded.

—————————————————————-

Reader couldn't stop laughing at the boys and their silly games. The two were constantly cracking jokes throughout the stream. Every weird little comment and joke had her stomach twisting up in laughter. She had to cover her face for a minute as they all busted out laughing at something Jacob said a moment before.

The laughter slowly died down and soon they were all sitting in a nice calm atmosphere.

“So Reader now that we are getting into this, what has been your favorite role so far?” Xolo asked. Reader gave a small hum before thinking back to all of her past film roles. One of her favorites came to mind but before she could say it Jacob was blurting out his own answer.

“Mine had to be your character Missy from Sweet Dreams with Love. Amazing acting on your part and you pulled it off perfectly. I watched it like fine times, it's one of my favorite movies too.” his voice filled with a hint of excitement. Readers fave heated up a little bit. That was such a old movie that she had stared in. It was actually one of the first gigs she ever got.

Xolo leaned over in his chair a little “Oh so you know some of Reader's work then?” he said into the mic.

Jacob snorted saying “Yeah, Sweet Dreams with Love, Voice from Above, Ran Faster, She Sleeps at Dawn. I even watched that one show, Meet me at Freddy's that she was in for a while.” his voice started ti get a little more pitched as he went on “Her character type that she plays is just so good, and she plays them perfectly in my opinion. When I hear she's in something new I always just hope she's playing the same character type because it fits her as an actress so perfectly.” he sat back in his seat.

Readers face felt like it was now on fire with what she had just heard.

She couldn't believe that Jacob was a fan of her work like that. Hearing him talk about her and even the work she had been in made her feel all bubbly inside. She didn't expect him to name so many movies and tv shows. A feeling of warmth sped through her chest at the new information.

Xolo laughed loudly while putting his hands up “Wow okay so apparently our boi Jacob might just be a super fan guys. I'm learning something every day with this guy.”

“Don't make it sound weird man-”

“No no for Reader’s sake I will stop before you start fanboying again. You might start drooling on her or something, or worst try and hunp her leg in the studio. I don't want to see that and I doubt out views do either.” Xolo says pointing at the camera with a smirk. Jacob slumps back with slightly pink cheeks. His eyes rolling as he looks away from them for a split second. He's right back to his regular self only seconds later, cracking a joke not even a minute latter and making them laugh.

The rest of the show is spent talking and joking, having a good conversation about Reader's life and career.

But all that talking doesn't stop Reader from feeling all warm. Her eyes strayed from Xolo and the camera a bit too much. Instead they found their way to Jacob. Watching every slight movement he made. Like her brain was taking notes for something later. She didn't know why but the more she looked at him the more she questioned him.

She wanted to know more about him. What he liked and didn't. What his hobbies where and his favorite places to go.

She wanted to know if he really did like her characters.

Because if he truly did, then he would like her seeing as almost all of her characters were almost always tailored to herself. Every character that she ever tried to audition for was similar to her in some way. Her one flaw in acting was not being able to play characters she couldn't really relate to or channel. It was just one of her quirks.

Reader didn't really remember when the podcast ended but soon enough it was just her and Jacob left in the room.

Colo had already taken off after the stream had ended and he claimed to be going home to work on editing some stuff with it. This left her and Jacob alone. They cleaned up a bit before heading out together. The walk to the parking lot was a bit quiet. It was almost as if both of them were a bit embarrassed by what had just taken place inside. They walked side by side as they reached the main part of the lot. The silent was there and caused Reader to flake a little. Any thoughts of asking him about a thing faded. She realized that this was just a one time thing and the chance that Jacob would try to contact her again was-

“Hey so I hope me…sating all of that stuff on stream didn't creep you out. I guess I just get really passionate sometimes. I really do like your movies.” Jacob said while looking over to her. His face was serious, not like the humorous grin he was wearing almost the whole stream.

“No no! I'm actually happy that you like my work so much! It can be hard to tell sometimes if people like my acting or if they just like the movies I'm in. It's nice to know you liked, well me, in them. It's kinda refreshing I guess.” she couldn't help the small part of her that was insecure about her roles. It was hard for an actress like her to know if people liked her work due to her size sometimes. It was a pretty common topic that came up, she hated it. But it was still something she had to deal with.

Jacob seemed to almost understand where she was coming from.

“Yeah no I love you work! You do such an amazing job with your characters. Your also just a really good actress, and well a good person too I guess.” his voice cut out a little at the end. He was definitely hiding something. Reader raised a brow which had the guy every so slightly panicked.

“Okay so maybe I have watched a few interviews you have done and you were real nice. And you're super cute too so I mean you can't blame me for wanting to go watch some videos with you in them, can you?” his eyes meet hers. For a minute they just stood there looking at each other.

She couldn't help but smile at him “No I can't, that's very sweet of you.” Jacob’s look of panic eases at her words.

“Hey um why don't you take this.” Reader fumbled in her pocket for a minute. Feeling around she found what she was looking for. Pulling out a small piece of paper and shoving it into Jacob’s hand. He looks down at his hand in question. Before he could ask her what the paper was she had already started jogging away.

“Just call me okay? Or text me!?” her voice carried through the parking lot before she was out of sight. Jacob could only watch as she ran off. He looked down at his hand and flipped the piece of paper around only to find a business card with her name and number. He smirked to himself before slapping the light card around on his other palm.

He mumbled to himself “And Xolo told me I was being too much of a fanboy, well fanboy got the girls number so…” he laughed a little, giving the empty parking lot one last look before heading home for the day.

[elwinsglasses]

shannon's editor essay please if i beg will you give it to me

Haha so sorry about that y'all I'm pretty sure I answered an ask or smth about that essay all the way back in March, and now it's uh *checks notes* August. Whoops. I dug back through my drafts and it turns out that the essay was pretty undeveloped lol, and part of the reason that I procrastinated so long was because I was too lazy to hunt down sources for some of the stuff. Also, at this point a lot of the stuff I was going to write about is (at least in my perspective) pretty common knowledge, so I didn't feel it was super important. Anyways though I'll probably never get around to getting it well organized so I'll just bullet point the general ideas. Also just in case this is all my theories/speculations and none of them have been proven.

So basically I had a kind of far-fetched theory about why the character development of Sophie/Fitz/Keefe in the later books but especially Unlocked/Stellarlune was Like That was because of Shannon's editor

Shannon had a baby I believe 2019/2021ish? and as expected her writing schedule was severely impacted bc obviously baby

And the result of that was that (for at least Stellarlune) her editor ended up drafting the general plot, and she would fill in the outlines (this was stated in I believe an instagram live or barnes and noble interview for Stellarlune. There was a post floating around her that summarized that event but for the life of the I can't find it)

Anyways if you're unfamiliar with Shannon's editor, she's a super pro Keefe/Sokeefer, and is the reason why Keefe is on a disproportionate amount of covers. That wouldn't necessarily be a big deal except I feel she's allowed it to color her view of the story, instead of focusing on what makes the most sense narratively speaking

Like my biggest issue as stated in my last post was how the narrative treats Keefe, esp at the beginning of Stellarlune

However, as a whole, I personally found the whole plot and character development of Stellarlune to be a little forced, instead of it feeling like a natural progression

Because Sophie in Legacy, after breaking up with Fitz, was like "hmm I don't think I'm ready to date anyone"

And I was absolutely here for that. However, in Stellarlune, which is set just a few weeks later, she suddenly knows her soulmate is Keefe

And honestly now that I've had time to mull on it, I do think it's not 100% her editor's fault.

Shannon has been writing Kotlc since she was 21, and has been at it for over 10 years. I imagine a lot of how she feels about Kotlc and the characters has changed significantly. Plus she as a person has changed significantly, and is now a mom of two. As such I think she probably also wants to be done with Kotlc, which probably also explains why the Stellarlune felt that way

Either way this is kind of a negative post lol, but I don't exactly blame either of them. I have the feeling Kotlc has worn out its welcome one way or another, and like it or not, the chapter is about to close soon. I still remember fondly how much I loved this book in my early teens, even as I wish it could have ended with more of a bang than a whimper.

[dudadragneel]

Like I promised.

One last fic before 2023 ends for me!

I don’t know why but ever since Hyunjin’s Versace fashion show I can’t stop thinking about how he said he was really nervous and like (you can tell he was). I can imagine accompanying him there and him being so excited but when you guys get there he’s so anxious, taking pictures and talking to everyone. Him telling you he’s starting to feel sick and he doesn’t know if he can stay long but deciding to anyways. Until the moment after his interview & he tugs on your sleeve and asks you to come with him to the bathroom because he feels like he’s going to throw up. You discretely going with him but stopping in the doorway to the bathroom because he can’t hold it in and you have to place your hand under his chin to catch the little that comes out before you make it to the sink, holding his long black hair back and trying to calm him down. Having to call Felix to come pick you guys up early because Hyunjin’s in such a bad state and still feels sick from nerves.

A NOT-SO-FASHION SHOW

Taking part in official events for famous brands were something important for idols and it could later mean an endorsement deal or even becoming ambassador of said brand.

Your boyfriend Hyunjin had been invited to a Versace fashion show, in collaboration with Dua Lipa and you couldn't be more excited.

- OH MY GOD BABY!!! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!

- Thank you honey! I'm happy as well!

- When is it gonna be?

- May 23rd, in Cannes!

- IN A WEEK!?

- Yes! They said that apart from the staff, I could bring someone with me. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me?

- Really? Are you sure? Wouldn't that cause a stir?

- I don't care. I love you and I want you to be with me

- Well, then. I'm more than happy to.

You said almost crying on the other side of the phone.

- I'll se you in a few days then. I love you.

- I love you too.

You couldn't hide the fact that you were excited for the fashion show, specially after he invited you. You didn't need to worry about your outfit because you trusted him to choose one for you.

The fashion show would take place in Cannes and this time Hyunjin would be going without the boys. Well, one of them, Felix, was coming along, not to the event but some other schedule. Despite that, he took some English lessons with Chan and Felix so he could be interviewed without feeling that nervous. And plus, you knew English pretty well so you could help him if he needed.

Five days passed since you found out he had been invited and he carried on with his schedules while you worked and you met on the way to the airport one day prior to the event. It never really entered your mind why they had to travel so close to the day of the events instead of going a few days before and being able to rest for a while.

Arriving there you unpacked your bags and went for a little sightseeing, lunch and some other fun stuff, which could be kind of rare in these occasions.

It was finally the day of the fashion show. It was sunny outside and the weather looked beautiful. You had breakfast together then went on to get dressed for the event. And that's when Hyunjin actually started to feel nervous, as if he had just now realized what was happening.

- Baby, I'm nervous.

He said grabbing your hands and laughing nervously.

- I know babe. But it's gonna be okay. I'll be right there with you.

You said pulling him for a kiss. You could see he was shaking a little and you wish you could just take away all that nervousness.

He got dressed before you and when he came out wearing that beige set and black purse, he looked ethereal. How could someone look so stunning wearing such a simple yet elegant and fashionable set?

- You look incredible! Oh my god!

- Thank you. Now it's your turn.

He has picked your outfit and hadn't shown you yet, but he knew you like the palm of his hand, being with you for so long, so he picked exactly what you'd love to wear in such occasion.

When you went into the dressing room with some of the female staff and you looked at what he has picked for you, you had tears in your eyes. When you put it on and looked at yourself in the mirror, tears actually rolled down your face. The outfit looked so pretty on you, the staff also smiled fondly at your reaction.

You came out and when Hyunjin saw you, he was at a loss for words. He couldn't describe how beautiful you looked in that outfit. He just kept looking at you, eyes shining like the stars and mouth agape.

- Babe? Do I look strange?

- No! You look absolutely beautiful, love!

He said picking you up, kissing you then putting you down and having you spin around to show the outfit.

- Did you like it? I tried picking something you'd not feel uncomfortable in.

- I love it! It's so beautiful! I haven't felt like this in a while! Thank you my love!

You said hugging him and kissing him.

It was now time to leave for the event. It had been a while since you last actually appeared in an official schedule as his partner, so you were a bit nervous and didn't want to attract attention to you, after all this was his event.

As soon as he got out of the van, a sea of flashes started and you were amazed by that. He turned to the car and extended his hand to you. You took a deep breath and held his hand to get out of the car and you two officially entered the venue of the event.

You could swear there were flashes coming from the sky and you even told him that, making him a laugh a little, to release some stress.

And it all started officially. Everyone wanted to take selfies with him, official photos, pictures with you as well. Adding to that, there were tons of celebrities wanting to chat with him and that was overwhelming him, all the flashes, sounds, people, the fact that he had to communicate in english. And you were helping him with the last part, making his interactions a little less stressful.

After this first round of socialization, the anxiety he was feeling earlier had grown stronger. He felt overwhelmed by his surroundings, he felt suffocated.

You were standing, looking at people and everything when he squeezed your hand, getting your attention as you could feel it shaking.

- What's wrong honey?

You said quietly behind your hand and leaning towards him. He did the same to answer you. After seeing so many scandals with idols, you learn that communicating like that can really keep you away from trouble.

- I'm starting to feel sick...

- Really?

You said a little surprised but holding his hands reassuringly.

- I don't know if I'll manage to stay here long...

- Oh baby... Leaving like this might raise suspicion...come here. Let's go somewhere a little less crowdy and quiet.

You took him away from the crowd which thankfully not everyone noticed, since there were a lot of other known names out there. When you were in a quiet space, you grabbed his hands and tried to calm him down.

- Honey, look at me. Unfortunately, you still have some things to do here. Now, let's breathe together, ok? With me.

You began a breathing exercise with him and he followed along. You brought his hand to your chest so he could feel your heartbeat and see how relaxed you were and then be able to calm himself down.

He exhaled and then looked at you.

- How are you feeling?

- A little better...thanks to you...

- Good. Do you think we can go back there now?

- Yes...

- Hey. It's gonna be alright. I'm right here with you and for you. If you don't feel well just tell me.

- Alright.

You went back to where everyone was and the second round of socialization started. More photos, more chatting. And then Donatella Versace herself came to talk to him. You could tell she had an affection for him, she treated him well, talked with him and then took some pictures. Despite feeling nervous he had a genuine smile on his face, which made you happy.

After that, he had an interview. By now he was feeling overwhelmed again and his stomach was doing flips, he could feel nausea starting to build up inside him. He took a deep breath and started his interview, you watching by his side and stepping in whenever he had any difficulty understanding the question or answering them.

However, as he was being interviewed he felt something revolting inside him. He was feeling out of breath, his heart was racing and his stomach was churning, the nausea from before growing even stronger. At some point during the interview he thought he was done, that he'd end up being sick in front of everyone but he looked at you and managed to recompose himself, even if just to finish the interview.

When it was over, it was as if the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders and he could now let his guard down. You were moving away from where the interview took place and Hyunjin was feeling incredibly unwell. He could feel his breakfast threatening to make an appearance, his stomach was doing flips again and his mouth had this foul taste inside. He tugged on your clothes as you were walking and you immediately halted your movements.

- What's wrong honey?

- Can you come to the restroom with me? I think I'm gonna throw up...

- Really? Let's go.

You wrapped your arms around him and tried leaving without attracting attention to the both of you. Thankfully you had gone to the restroom before so you knew where it was and you wouldn't need to ask and have people wonder what was going on. In this situation, the less attention, the better.

As you were walking, his stomach contracted, making him gag wetly and cover his mouth. It took every ounce of strength in him to control his body not to jerk forward and not to throw up in front of everyone.

But a few steps away from the bathroom, another contraction sent liquid up his throat making him gag once more, he tried to hold it in but it was too late.

You noticed his movement as he jerked forward a bit and managed to place your hand under his mouth just in time to catch that pale brown liquid before it got on his clothes and entered the restroom locking the door behind you.

You guided him to the sink and turned on the tap water to clean your hands and muffle some of the noise.

He grabbed the edges of the sink for support and took a deep breath and then his stomach jumped again, making his mouth fill with saliva and a foul taste.

He bent over to spit some of that saliva out and then straightened his back to take a deep breath again. Just then his stomach contracted, sending hot foul tasting liquid up his throat making him bend over as a thick wave of partially digested food gushed out of him.

For some unknown reason, none of you had brought a hair tie on your purses. So you held his hair back as he ducked his head when another stream made its way out followed by a wet burp bringing up another one.

- Oh baby...it's okay.

You could see he was about to start panicking, after all he was throwing up during a fashion show, and anyone could listen to what was happening inside the bathroom.

- babe--

He tried saying but was cut off by a harsh gag that arched his back, sending up even more foul pale brown liquid and then another burp brought up even more. You noticed his distress, so you used your free hand to rub his back.

- It's okay. You can let everything out. It's just you and me in here. I'm right here with you.

- Than-

He tried answering again, just to trigger his stomach one more time that now sent partially digested food out his nose as well.

- Oh god, baby....

You said as your kept rubbing his back in circles while he proceeded to throw up again, vomit mixing with was already in the sink.

- Babe...I think I'm done....

- Okay. Let's rinse your mouth and sit down. I'll call Felix to come pick us up, okay?

- Hmm...

He just nodded, head looking down while he sat down on the floor.

You decided to call Felix, who had traveled with you for another schedule and happened to be free at the moment.

- Felix? Hi!

- Oh! Hey, y/n! Is everything okay?

- Not exactly...

- What's wrong?

- It's Hyune...he threw up.

- What!? What happened?

- I guess he was anxious. I think the nerves got the best of him. Can you come pick us up? I don't think it's a good idea to stay here.

- Yeah. I'll be there in a few minutes.

- Oh! Felix, one more things. Can you tell the staff whats happening? We kind of left in a hurry to the bathroom and I think they lost sight of us and I don't have their phone numbers.

- Sure.

After you hung up, you turned your attention back to Hyunjin who still had his head down.

He just kept his eyes closed, focusing on breathing and trying to ignore the uneasy feeling that still lingered in his stomach. It just kept gurgling and he could feel everything sloshing around, to add to that, his heart was beating fast because he was too anxious about the situation.

You kneeled down in front of him and grabbed his shaking hands and squeezed them, a reassuring touch bringing him back to reality.

- Hyune? I'm right here, okay? Don't be nervous. You're with me, you can relax. You'll be okay. We'll leave in a few minutes.

- Thank you....I'm sorry...

- Don't be sorry. I already told you, a millions times, it's not your fault. Being anxious it's not a crime.

- I know...

He felt his stomach revolt again, a burning sensation up his chest, saliva pooling inside his mouth and a foul test at the back of his throat.

- I wanna throw up again-

You helped him up and brought him inside one of the stalls. He bent over, hands on each side of the edges of the toilet, his mouth opened with him spitting out thick saliva as unproductive gags kept coming.

You held his hair and rubbed his stomach and felt it gurgle under your touch.

- Oh baby...

A harsh gag made him jerk forward as a thick stream of vomit gushed out hitting the edges of the toilet and just barely missing both of your outfits before splashing on the water with a sickening sound. He barely had time to catch his breath as a wet burp brought up more partially digested food.

You kept rubbing his stomach up and down while he threw up one more time and after that he was left dry heaving and spitting out saliva.

- Baby, I think you're done. Take a deep breath.

- Can I hug you?

He asked, voice raspy from the strain and sounding defeated and exhausted.

You pulled him into a hug and placed his head on your shoulders and you could swear his temperature was a little high.

- I'm tired...I wanna go...

- we'll be at the hotel soon, baby. Then you can sleep all you want.

You helped him rinse his mouth and gave him some water so he could relieve some of the pain in his throat.

And just in time, the staff arrived, knocking on the restroom door.

- Y/n? Hyunjin? Are you guys in there?

- Yes.

- Felix told us what happened. He's outside waiting for you in the car.

- Is it okay for us to leave? Hyunjin's not in a good state right now, I'd rather not draw any attention.

- Yes, it is. We formed a barricade, no one will see you or take pictures.

- Okay. Well get out then.

You put Hyunjin's arm over your shoulder and wrapped your arm around his waist to help him walk, after being anxious and throwing up he was feeling weak.

Just as the staff had ensured you, there was a barricade waiting for you outside. They quickly helped Hyunjin and you get out of the place without being much noticed.

They helped Hyunjin into the car and you sat beside him and placed his head on your shoulder, as you reclined both of your seats.

Felix who was sitting in front greeted you with a concerned look on his face.

- Y/n, what happened?

- I'm not sure Lix. He said he was nervous earlier, even before we left the hotel. When we got at the venue, it felt like the entire world has its attention on us, or rather, him. There was a lot of talking, pictures. He told me he was feeling overwhelmed but it wasn't until the interview that he felt sick.

- But how did he do it?

- Despite feeling nervous, he did well. I'm proud of him.

- And how's he doing?

- He threw up a couple of times so I hope that now he can only rest.

You said turning to him and seeing he was fast asleep.

He still felt awful from the nerves but at least he was out of the crowd and could try to relax at the hotel. He still got sick a few times after you went back and the only thing he wanted was to go home. But everytime he thought about that, he remembered that he had to get into a plane and it would take a few hours to get back in Korea and that made him sick, so it became a vicious cicle.

[batsplat]

welcome back casey stoner !

https://www.tumblr.com/verdemint/761549873456775168/same-interview-they-asked-him-how-does-he-deal

(link)

asjddkh SEE this is what I'm talking about!! something about those incredibly neurotic ducati champions, eh. in the post linked above, pecco's talking about how he deals with media pressure... which, yeah, pecco and casey really do share a fair bit of competitive dna there - from the insistence that it doesn't affect them whatsoever to how they do in fact get extremely pissy whenever they feel misrepresented by the media. very sensitive to that kind of thing, those two are... but at the same time they're also both their own harshest critics. from casey's autobiography (all quickly nabbed from this post, which ofc expands on casey's perfectionism):

I got a lot of criticism over the years for being honest because I always felt I could do better. Even if I won the race, if I had made mistakes it was important for me to admit them and address them for next time instead of congratulating myself for being the best on that particular day.

and:

Whatever challenges I take on now I am still driven by the same quest to improve - I can’t change who I am. As a personality trait this is both a good thing and a bad thing. I like that part of me but it would be nice to not be like that sometimes, to enjoy something without being obsessed with getting better at it. I am sure you can go through life a lot happier if you don’t analyse everything.

versus pecco:

The strength that I've proved in various situations comes from the fact that I am extremely critical of myself, and so it only takes a little bit for me to put myself down even more.

like yeah I suppose that's one way of looking at it - nobody else can get to you if you're already tearing into yourself. it's a motivational process that's very much built on negativity, right, on the need to live up to their own exacting standards. both pride themselves for their ability to put failures behind them quickly - to be able to immediately bounce back because they tell themselves they only care about doing better in the next race. plus, there's that interesting dynamic where both are like... pretty big on this idea they're not making excuses for themselves, committed to honestly assessing themselves and all that,, BUT also have reputations for being whiny to the press... because people for whatever reason end up thinking they're constantly blaming everything but themselves for their shortcomings. again, very prone to feeling misunderstood!! neither of them are necessarily terrible communicators - but there's a certain reluctance there (obviously more so from casey) to even play that game at all. mix in a learned wariness because they feel like they've been burned before.... that whole pecco episode last year where he said one reason for the increased injury rate is probably because the field is tighter now (which, yes! seems logical!) ,,, and then some unholy combination of clumsy phrasing, media framing and an ungenerous fan response ended up translating that to pecco saying he wanted satellite bikes to be slower again... gave me real casey vibes lol. casey had a fair few of those episodes himself - though at least the news cycle and social media fandom weren't quite as bad back then. in a lot of ways he'd struggle even more nowadays

also,, you do have to mention - they both end up defining themselves against valentino specifically when it comes to their public personas. casey might be the rival and pecco the mentee, but both of them have been clear that they do not desire to be the next valentino rossi. kinda what I said here, right

idk, obviously pecco had a heads-up a little earlier than casey did that sensibly communicating to the media WAS going to be a big part of the job. but there's still a wariness there, an unwillingness to be something they're not, knowing that they'd be miserable trying to match valentino's particular brand of flamboyance... it is key that it is a choice they're making. they just don't want that for themselves, never have. there's only ever so much outreach they're willing to do

also this

“Stoner and Bagnaia are two different riders, but they have the same mental attitude,” Tardozzi told AS. “I think Pecco is still growing. He already took a big leap by winning the championship, but the biggest jump in his head has been done this year, after the two falls in Argentina and Austin. “He is an intelligent boy and has spoken a lot with the team, and what happened has made him take another step to make him even more of a champion. Now he has the right mentality. Pecco will become one of the greats. Right now it is showing that he is growing, as I told you before."

'resilience' is I think a word I associate quite strongly with both of them. they take their fair share of punches, do tend to get called mentally fragile a lot - but in truth there's a steel there that serves them well. did talk a little bit about the similarities of their motivational processes here too:

and

and one other thing I've been thinking about is that this... y'know, use of spite, of self-criticism, of how annoyed they get at others' criticisms - for both of them, it is also paired with a determined refusal to countenance they could be mentally affected by anything. with casey in particular, it's a bit of an overcorrection in response to how often he was described as mentally weak; it's understandable you might get extremely sensitive about the whole thing, if you weren't already. a lot of it is also stubbornness... a bone-deep contrarianism that immediately makes them push back if somebody suggests they might struggle for any reason related to psychology. where this really jumps out is how they talk about their rivals. obviously, nobody is going to say that their opponent's mind games work on them because that'd be deeply stupid to admit - but there is something about pecco's firm insistence marc's mind games don't have a hope of working on him that is really reminiscent of how casey has talked about valentino. it's that dynamic of ,, well, they're not wrong in that they're stronger than people give them credit for, but obviously they are also. like. extremely defensive, past the point of necessarily being reasonable. sometimes, what your rival does will affect you. that's kinda how rivalries work lol. but both of them are very committed to this narrative that their working process is super self-directed. casey's whole thing about how he's never gotten obsessed with rivals, pecco's 'we work in silence' schtick... it comes back round to the relationship with the media, right, where they have a natural inclination towards framing that as an oppositional dynamic - and automatically chafe against any narratives that might be externally imposed on them. actually, you see, rivals don't affect their performance at all, they don't need to constantly slobber to the press to hype up their performances, they'll do their talking on-track... but the unspoken truth there is that all of those things do matter, they are paying a lot of attention - and in the end, 'proving a point' to someone becomes a central part of the motivational process. they hear all the criticisms, they seethe in 'silence' (often involves a fair bit of public complaining but let's allow it), and then they determinedly show how all their critics were fools and losers. rinse and repeat

anyway yeah apparently that's part of the ducati magic - a dash of neuroticism, a heavy dose of self-flagellation, inject a desire for authenticity that might at times read as whiny, stir in the makings of a persecution complex and top it off with a sprinkling of spite. probably not the easiest type of guy to handle, but clearly there's something to the formula. a compelling approach to be sure

[ineffable-endearments]

I saw some gifs from a David Tennant and Michael Sheen interview from just before the release of Season 2, where Michael mentioned something about illusions. This is the interview transcript. I'm pretty sure this is the original video interview and accompanying commentary online.

Anyway, Michael referred to this line, in a moment of banter with David but also a real comment about the characters: "What do any of us have but our illusions? And what do we ask of anyone but that we be allowed to keep them?"

He was implying that Aziraphale and Crowley wanted to be able to keep their illusions. That had me wondering: what are the illusions they want to keep, which are then broken in the Final Fifteen?

I'd submit they both have the same one, and it's...that they alone are enough for each other.

Ouch. But bear with me.

At the very least, Crowley needs himself. He can give up practically anything but the thing that's defined him so far: being Fallen. And that's what Aziraphale is asking him to give up in the Final Fifteen. I don't believe Aziraphale fully grasps this; after all, the "I need you" is sincere, and we know he believes he needs Crowley as he's been for the past 6000 years while they've worked together: a demon. But in the end, that loss of self would be the outcome, if Crowley accepted an angelic position.

And Aziraphale needs to be part of something; he needs to have a Cause. That's what Crowley is asking him to give up in the Final Fifteen. And again, I don't think Crowley has any idea this is what he's doing, because he is correct that Heaven's Cause is bad. But then, because of the all-encompassing nature of Heaven, Aziraphale in turn can't just leave it behind without abandoning his Cause - a Cause which, by the way, he's still convinced he can push to include Crowley.

During the past 6000-plus years, I also think the two of them see each other as providing for equally-important needs, ones that don't come naturally to them. Crowley has come to view Aziraphale as his place of belonging. Aziraphale has come to view Crowley as the person who can set him free.

But now Crowley needs to find a place of belonging that isn't Aziraphale, and Aziraphale needs to figure out how to set himself free. The illusion they broke is also, by extension, the illusion that they can rules-lawyer their way around their problems instead of resolving them.

Incidentally, I think Crowley is going to discover that his true place of belonging is Earth, and Aziraphale is going to discover that he can be free if he champions humanity, and they are both going to discover that they are better together not because they cover for each other's weaknesses, but because they enhance the very strengths they admire most in each other.

[royalrebelpropaganda]

hi, hello, calling all ever after high fans! fun fact!

the Fandom wiki SUCKS.

I've known this for a while, and talking to people in the discord makes it more obvious. the Fandom wiki is unmoderated, unprofessionally written, chronically undercited, and often contains just completely incorrect information. if you want examples, I will be including SEVERAL under the cut!

essentially, I have been building my own wiki with several people from the server, but it is taking a LONG time to get up and running. is this something that you guys would be interested in helping me with?? most of the character links and pages are currently defunct, but I'm working on uploading and transcribing all of the diaries at the moment (because I really really don't want to steal anything from the Fandom wiki. this is our own project, so we have to find our own sources, links, and information.)

just looking for feedback !!! please reblog with tags or comments if you would like to work on this project. keep in mind it will HAVE to be source-based, so it's going to be a lot of reading and searching for information from various sources, not just the show.

thank you!! the "keep reading" below will be for EGREGIOUS examples of wiki running because this really is one of the worst wikis I've ever seen:

1)

Hunter Huntsman's diary

this is MADE UP. the last line of this DOESN'T EXIST. it ends at "My life... a fairytale come true." the rest of this is someone writing fanfiction and putting it in the official wiki.

2)

Braeburn

there's so many problems here I don't even know where to start. actually I do.

ONE: her name is Braebyrn. not Braeburn. this wiki doesn't mention it, but her name is NEVER MENTIONED in the show or in the junior novelization; it's on the official ever after high instagram, it's on the apple white dragon games doll box, and it's in the mobile app game that was released in accompaniment with the show. that's important information that the wiki didn't think mattered, and they misspelled her name!!!!

TWO: "braeburn appears to be able to control lightning" if anyone did ANY RESEARCH they would know that's not "appears to be," that IS her power. on the box that braebyrn the doll model comes in, it explicitly mentions that her dragon magic is "lightning bolt," so that's not an assumption. however, this fact is never mentioned on the page! because the wiki is non-comprehensive despite pretending that it is.

THREE: "Brushfire's sister" she's. she's all of the baby dragon's sisters. why is this one specifically mentioned. that's just a weird choice. plus it's written as "Brushfires" which is a typo that has not been corrected.

FOUR: "Her name is a nod to Braeburn apples." you have to say "seems to be." unlike the lightning, this one is an ASSUMPTION. if it isn't an assumption, if there was an interview where someone from mattel was talking about it, you have to link it!! it doesn't matter that it's a very obvious pun, wikis are built on FACT. UGH.

3)

Category:Dragons

I have searched far and wide, and as far as I can tell, these are straight up made up. I can't find any sources, and if I look up something like "felecity ever after high" the ONLY links that show up related to the dragons are for the Fandom wiki. there are no sources, no citations. I personally am inclined to believe these are made up names that are stated as fact.

4)

Characters/pets

ONE: NOT her pet pig. it's a pig that she brought to a party because they asked her to bring ham or something to the party and she didn't understand they wanted the pig not alive. I'm pretty sure it hopped out of her hat. it's never mentioned again.

TWO: the storyboard of legends. I. I don't even have anything to say.

5)

there's so many more guys but I'm getting tired. go find some yourself, the wiki is riddled with them, these were just the ones I could remember off the top of my head.

[laf-outloud]

What’s going to be tough for everyone who joins Jensen’s new show is that they don’t know what his fans are really like. They love bomb because they think it will get them an in and get them more content etc. (plus they just love that type of attention, they think it makes them special/important) and the actors don’t realize how quickly those fans are likely to turn on them so they play into it because hey, free extra attention and fans? Sign them up (what actor doesn’t want more fans?) Then very soon it’s clear the fans don’t actually care about them just their proximity to Jensen. Oh and they’ll turn on them real quick if they say or do something that goes against their head canons etc.

It happened with BS and pretending to care about certain actors who were more susceptible to the attention (like Deedee Pfeiffer who loved the attention but was also locked on to Jensen because of his fans - she even admitted it in an article about using his fans to get more followers for themselves). Then the moment they aren’t useful anymore they are dropped and forgotten. TB they’ve done it as well (but with much less success because more of those actors already had fanbases and seemed to pretty quickly see what his fans were doing). And that was just the shows he was a GUEST star on… it’s going to be sooo much worse for his own show.

Exactly! Not to mention all the psuedo-journalists that use every interview with anyone remotely associated with Jensen to ask about him. What was it like working with him? Do you just stand there in awe every time you're in a scene with him? How do you survive being in his Royal Hotness' perfect presence all the time?

And I would also add that since so many of these fans can't differentiate reality from fiction, if a character has an issue with Jensen's character, you know his fans will attack that actor, even if they're the nicest person in real life.

[bugswapau]

Interview Cromdo!

Time to ask the paparazzo a few questions.

“Have time for an interview?”

About time you asked! Trust me, pal, I’ve got HEAPS of controversial opinions!

“Who are you?”

The name’s Cromdo Face! Whatever I say, I do.

“Alright, but what do you do professionally?”

Er… let’s just say I’m an “information specialist”.

“Why come to Snaktooth Island?”

I'm here on vacation! Oh, and here's a nifty fact that’s got absolutely nothin’ to do with me: didja know international laws don't apply here?

"Are you sure that ‘nifty fact’ has nothing to do with you?"

Lemme put it this way: if you hypothetically got into a lot, and I mean a LOT of trouble, and your friends and family wanted nothin’ to do with you anymore… this is a great place to hide out. Forever.

“Thoughts on Bugsnax?”

Hoho, don’t get me started! Everyone here thinks they’re soooo great and… actually, I agree. They’re the bee’s knees!

“Why did you leave town?”

I mean, I don’t mind playin’ around here and there, but those chumps always took it too far! It got exhausting havin’ to overhear everyone’s sob stories.

“So that's why you lived atop the canyon?”

Hey! For the record, the canyon wasn’t that bad! Plus, it was close enough to Triffany that I could swipe her sauce rations when I had to.

“But what specifically made you want to leave?”

Beffica. That spoiled little twerp started to loot as soon as Egg left. Then she tried to sell me her projector! So, I posted a bunch of pictures of all her little crimes — and then I made a run for it while I still could.

“Any info on Eggabell?”

What DON’T I know about Eggabell, if anything? Eh? Eh? Geddit?

“…Please just answer the question.”

[sighs] Egg is brave, smart and fearless. She sees the best in all of us. It’s hard not to admire her. She’s pretty much indestructible... But she’s got one nasty weakness.

“Okay, I'll bite. What is her weakness?”

Lizbert. Egg would go to the ends of the earth to make her happy. And I’ve learned early on that you can’t let your happiness depend on someone else.

“What happened to Eggabell?”

Ehh... Egg and Lizbert got into a big scuffle before Egg went hunting. I haven't seen either of them since. Best case scenario, maybe they're on a romantic getaway sorting things out?

“That's everything. Thanks, Cromdo.”

No problem. I'm just glad to see your interviewing skills up close and personal! Oh, and before you go, uh… I think you should take this. It's the key to Egg's closet. What's in there is pretty personal, but finding her is more important than keeping all her secrets.

“… Hey, wait a second! Where’d you find that?”

Oh, uh-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, no-no-no, yeah-yeah, no, sorry, pal! Interview’s over! Don’t let me down, kid!

[lovecolibri]

I just came across a huge ass post (mind you, I have followed the person who reblogged it for years and I don't think I've seen them reblog 911 related things before this season?)

Anygays, the post is basically a rant about how we buddies are being more toxic that the bummies... and that t*mmy as a character has righted his wrongs (like, where lmao), that he's now friends with the persons he wronged (that's why he wasn't invited to the wedding of one of them, also L*cy was actually invited to the vow renewal lmao????) and 'if Ryan doesn’t want to do buddie because he feels its important they stay friends then so be it' (and like, please point out to me where exactly Ryan said exactly those words)...

Among other things and I'm like???? I can't keep doing this lol. These people are insane xmgzkgxkgx

*also do not look at this and how long this has been in my inbox. I often forget things are in there when I see the notification come in at work and would rather use my computer to type. Please keep sending asks, I'm just bad at answering them.*

I think it's pretty clear the show did not intend for T to be around as long as he was, especially if they had gone the route with Eddie instead of Buck, so they didn't put in any effort to have him actually have a conversation with Chim and Hen about things which I think we as an audience deserved to see no matter what if they were bringing him back. Like, yes we see in previous episodes that he got better when Bobby was around but like, that to me just says he's the kind of person who acts how he needs to in order to keep his boss happy and keep his job and if the boss doesn't tolerate certain behavior, that has to be kept on the inside or you risk loosing your job. And Chim calls him in for a favor but says that aside from that favor they didn't ever keep in touch. It would have been nice to see just a moment of him talking to Hen and Chim and formally apologizing.

As for what Ryan has said, we all know that he often talks about how storylines affect him personally and he's a big advocate for men's mental health and cultivating deep and real and honest relationships with other men, so of course he's going to talk about what these storylines mean from that POV. Also, he knows things change at the drop of a hat (switching Buck and Eddie for this coming out storyline this season, dropping the bachelor party stuff when they got the renewal announcement, shifting Eddie's storyline because Devin was available and Tim is obsessed with her , etc) so he doesn't usually talk too much and stays very vague about where things are going. Also also, like, on top of say things that ultimately don't end up happening because the scene got cut or the storyline changed, we know sometimes people straight up lie or are told to focus on saying certain things to throw the audience off in interviews! People have been banging on about L supposedly coming back instead of T because of something Timmy said, when we all know damn good and well that AK was on another show that got picked up before the strikes and wouldn't have been available to film for 911 which Tim would have known long before opening the writers room for s7, plus there's no way the show would have brought her back, ESPECIALLY as a LI for Buck after the flack they got from the fans and GA when she was around, and there's no way she or her PR people would want to stir up that kind of bad press right before she's supposed to headline another show. The interviews can be interesting, and I love hearing things Ryan and Oliver have to say but they are not reliable sources of info and we know this. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But also, like, we know that Eddie was supposed to have the coming out storyline but it got switched when they couldn't get the other actress to come back and Oliver didn't even find out until they had already started filming so we KNOW Ryan is not opposed to Eddie coming out. That's just like, a fact that we know now. So IDK why people are so dead set on saying Ryan, who has MULTIPLE times said "I'm down if that's where the story goes", doesn't want to do it.

[yautjalover]

saw the 'bother with asks and questions' post and reblogged it so a lil obligated to BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE. I appreciate a fellow yautja appreciator that is for sure. I didn't watch the latest movie, if you did, how would you compare it to any of the other predator (or AVP) films? I'm taking my sweet time, but good press from someone who is focused on whats important (tHE BIG ALIEMS,,,), might move it up my priority list.

I get you! We gotta be the change we want to see! I myself went out and asked some folks things. 😊

As for your question concerning “Prey”, in comparison to the others in the franchise it stands out for multiple reasons.

1. It’s not set in the modern era.

With this film not being in modern times, we get to explore, for the first time on film, what a predator hunt in the past would look like! It’s no longer just seeing their historical hunts in the comics and novels, which has long been something we fans have wanted to see on the big screen. “Prey” also answers questions concerning historical hunts.

How different would their technology look and behave? Would they get tangled with historical events that shaped the future? What would they do in the face of long outdated weapons of that time?

“Prey” answers these pretty well, I think!

We get to see possible earlier iterations of the iconic weapons Yautja are associated with, we get to see how one becomes entangled with big historical events in pre-colonial North America, and also get the treat of one dealing with 17th century weapons.

The weapons of the time provide a few genuinely funny moments that help break the tension a little. I won’t spoil them, but I’m sure they’ll give you a good laugh!

I will say that it’s not riddled with excessive humor like 2018’s “The Predator”. There is a wonderful balance.

2. The lead isn’t some forgettable buff military guy and instead a Comanche Native American woman.

Unlike other current Hollywood female leads, she’s a genuine bad ass. She’s allowed to learn and grow from her mistakes, shaping up to use her intelligence against Feral. Naru knows the land and uses it to her advantage. She grew up surrounded by nature and picks up that something weird is going on, something she can’t explain until things happen.

Sorry, no spoilers here!

While there are moments where there is obvious plot armor, she still a cool and likable character with flaws but manages to also be a surprisingly worthy hunt for Feral. It’s also cool to see Indigenous representation and see a glimpse into that culture! We see parallels between a cryptid (can’t confirm if it was just for the movie or actual mythology for that tribe) and our titular Yautja.

With Naru, we get a coming of age story that mirrors Feral in this hunt being his first time on our planet and him slowly learning more about this hunting ground. They’re both, seemingly, out to prove themselves, setting up for later events in the film that pay off.

3. New Sub-Species of Yautja!

Thanks to Feral we get a glimpse of what a Yautja who originates from a different region, other than the jungle, of the planet looks like, with this case being a desert environment. While I think the facial design is atrocious, I can see what they were going for.

We learned from interviews with the design team that his sub-species consumes bones and has a special palette just for that in his mouth. His locs are slender and more numerous in order to keep cool, plus it looks pretty cool! I’m sure he’d be a shampoo company’s dream model!

You get to see a predator actually hunt things other than humans! I won’t spoil it, but there are some awesome scenes that really showcase the strength and agility that Yautja are known for but we hardly get to see. It’s pretty bad ass!

In “Prey”, we also see a more brutal predator who revels in bloodshed and fucks people up. There’s more violence on display, plus some new cool weaponry that only aids the carnage. While he gives off Young Blood energy occasionally, he’s still a bad ass! When he’s on the screen, he commands your attention!

However, he’s the only Yautja I’ll want the mask to stay on. He’s not a pretty fella and I liken him to a golden roast chicken.

“Prey” was the return to form the franchise needed after the questionable decisions made in 2018’s “The Predator”. Whoever thought that Yautja would be interested in my Autism was a big dumb ass. This film breathes new life into the franchise and gives us something genuinely entertaining while also bringing back some of the terror that the original 1987 “Predator” gave us!

I personally rank this high up on the list of previous films we’ve received over the years. It’s better than “Predators”, “The Predator”, and “AVPR”, sitting right with the OG, Predator 2, and AVP for me.

It’s worth the watch. It’s not a 10/10, more like an 8/10, but it’s still worth the watch! You should run to Hulu and give it a go. You won’t be disappointed!

Sorry for the LONG response, but I wanted to break it down. Thank ADHD and Autism and my rabid horniness for Yautja.

Oh! Last thing!

On a scale of 1 to 10, Feral is a solid four for me. His body is gorgeous. Those thick fingers? HELLO!

It’s the face that lowers the rating, though. My GODS that face design is…wow. 💀