#plus there was like that stretch of 4 days where I listened to NOTHING but Push from the Barbie Albums

[excalibutt]

I got tagged by @hey-must-be-a-devilbetween-us (eyyye sis!) but the OG post was getting really long, so I made a new one!

Rules: shuffle your on repeat playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then tag 10 people.

Eat Your Young—Hozier

Whispers in the Dark—Mumford & Sons

Francesca—Hozier

Люди Надоели—Molchat Doma

In My Head— We Are Scientists

Lent—Autoheart

Lover's Eyes—Mumford and Sons

Come on Baby, Cry—Orville Peck

The Boxer feat. Mumford & Sons and Paul Simon—Jerry Douglas, Paul Simon, Mumford & Sons

Fire Escape in the Sea—Sea Power

No pressure tags>>>>

@permian-tropos, @inkpot-demigod, @sadvampboy @farrenlux, @bangage @arradraws @her-champion @srrrokka @awesomesnowdude06, @darling-shrike

[its-in-the-woods]

The Woman Who Couldn’t Die Part 6

master list

Part 1 , Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5,

Pairing: The Ghoul/Cooper Howard x Original Character 

Alternative Universe where I make things up cause I can only research so much

Synopsis: There is something in the woods, and our brave travelers are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

MINOR GET OUT. Rating/Warning: This is based on fallout except typical: Drug use, blo0d/g0re, animal death, alien critters, angst, lots of hurt no comfort, Canon divergence, hints of SH/SA/NONCON, Slow Burn,

Note: that I will not be spoiling any of the reading. I will keep my tags relevant without spoiling what is happening in the story.

Enjoy the show kiddlets.

Night seems to come faster here, the tall imposing trees shrinking the daylight away. They had walked until Jade couldn’t see and almost fell again. The Ghoul had thankfully caught her before she had hit the ground, his lightning fast reflexes snatching her as she tripped over the uneven road. Carefully right her, and making sure he didn’t pull on the stitches Jade still had in her arm. 

“Careful there, ya got to tell me when yah can’t see,” The Ghoul said firmly. He had been weirdly quiet, usually there was a story or two they���d share between them. But today he had asked for silence, his head tipping this way and back listening to every small sound. Lucy had heard almost nothing, the silence was eerie. 

“I can’t see in the dark,” Jade said huffing, dropping her bag on the ground and stretching her back. She groans, the stitches in her back aching as she moves trying to pop bones back into place. The long walk always left her feeling stiff and tense, the added hush of the forest making her extra tense. 

“Exactly,” The Ghoul says, also dropping his saddle bag. “I can, so you gotta tell me when yah can’t see.” She wishes she could make out more than his shadowed outline, she was used to the dark, but this felt different. 

Jade flops herself down on the ground, digging around in her bag for water. “Guessing fire is out for the evening?” A fire here was a deathwish, she’d only be able to see just beyond its light, setting them up for an easy ambush.  

“Not sorry. Somethin’ is very off about this place,” The Ghoul states, she could hear him take a hit of the inhaler. Had he been taking it more often? She pushed the thought out of her mind, she needed food and maybe to try and sleep. The last thing she should be worrying about was if the Ghoul was going feral, they had a dozen plus vials on them. Right now making it to the next morning was more pressing. 

“I don’t like it,” Jade finally says, she didn’t, the whole place felt spooky. No noise. How was there no noise? “It’s too quiet, can hear you think.”

She could almost see the Ghoul’s eyes light up at her, “Don’t think you’d wanna know my thoughts now, Tiny.”

Jade huffs cracking open a can of food, she couldn’t tell what it was. Maybe she didn’t want to know, maybe she did. Jade knew somewhere down inside she wanted to know, to understand him more. Why? There wasn’t much of a reason besides connection. Something that was far too difficult to find in this husk of a world they lived in. Maybe she could pry something out of him tonight. She looks up at the stars, even though they weren’t enough to give light to this wretched place. “What if I did want to know?”

Silence for a moment, but then she hears him sit down, almost beside her. But always an arm's length away, why he couldn’t just sit beside her she didn’t know.  She remembers the heat of his hand wrapped around her body, how his hand had been inches from her face. Pushing that away she continues to eat the mystery meat in front of her. 

“I’ve been around for a long time. Too long if you ask anyone who knows me.” The Ghoul said out into the dark, his voice low enough that it didn’t echo. “Nothing good in between the holes I call ears.” 

Jade mulls that over, it was the most he had said all day. Hoping she could convince him to tell her more she asks, “How long?”

She could hear his boots slide on the dirt as he stretched out, “Long before you’re born, or your mother, or your mother’s mother.”

“You talkin' pre-bomb?” Jade pushed, she was walking a tight line here. He told stories, but never anything truely personal. Jade wanted more, she needed to understand what drove him to stay alive this long. 

“Depends on which bombs you are talking about.” He says she could tell that he had opened a can of something. At least he was eating, he hadn’t touched a thing all day besides the chems and a small amount of water. 

“I am talking about the bombs that end everything,” Jade states, she wasn’t terribly well versed in history, it wasn't like there was anyone teaching her. That said, she knew that there had been a single large event that had happened. That had flattened the entire country with nuclear bombs. This didn't cover the bombs that had been dropped between warring factions, or some such horseshit like that. 

“Yeah, a little older than those bombs,” He says it like a joke, like the fact he was over two hundred years old was nothing. How the hell had he stayed alive that long?

Jade finishes her can and drops it beside her with a clang. Every noise echoes around here, making her skin crawl like something was watching her. She rubs her hand nervously over the stitches that she could feel poking at her clothes. 

“Don’t think I’ve met anyone from before.” She adds, not entirely sure where to take the conversation. “I knew Ghouls could live for a long time. But I didn't think it was that long.”

The Ghoul huffs, dropping his own can beside them. “If you keep yourself fed, and watered pretty much immortal. Comes in handy I’uppose.”

“Have you thought about-” Jade stops herself, who was she to ask if he had thought about ending his life? She’d been here for a short time and the thought had crossed her mind more times than she could count on both hands. 

“Maybe one day,” The Ghoul hummed, she guessed he had laid down as his voice was lower to the ground. “For now, just gonna take it as it comes.”

***

The forest was eerily quiet, no buzzing insects, or scurry of birds, just the sound of her boots and the Ghoul’s spurs hitting the ground. Jade feels tight, her whole body coiling readying for something to jump out of the forest. If last night was bad today was somehow worse; she could feel that both of them were waiting on the edge of a knife for something to jump out.  There were a few dilapidated signs, a handful of empty tins, and other trash. But other than that no other signs of anyone. No fresh tracks, or small fire pits, it was as if no one had been here in years. The Ghoul was on alert, checking behind them regularly. The Ghoul being on edge only heightened her fear.

“Have you gone this way before?” Jade asks, talking helps ease the anxiety, even if her voice echoes around the place. 

“Not in a long time,” The Ghoul said, he stopped abruptly, head tilting as he listened. He held up one gloved hand to silence her.

Jade stops, trying to force herself to listen harder. The squeak of her leather holster and the rustle of the Ghoul’s jacket seem to reverberate around them.  As she stood with her head tipped the same way as his, a twig snaps. 

“Something is coming our way,” The Ghoul said, the shotgun he wore on his back now in his hands, he loaded it swiftly and started moving backward down the road. 

Jade grabbed her pistol checking rounds as she took up the same backward walk as the Ghoul did. She could now hear more limbs breaking off trees as they started to move back at a fast pace. Looking up at the tops of the trees she could see them moving; the trees parting in horrid cracks and snaps. 

“Fuck, fuck,” Jade stammers out starting to turn, pistol still in hand as she looks towards the Ghoul, an unreadable expression across his face. 

“RUN.” The Ghoul yells as he starts to move, turning the same as Jade. They both run in the opposite direction of the horrid noise. 

The beast crashes through the trees onto the roadway with enough force to topple trees onto the road. It was an unimaginably massive hulking thing, bear-like legs thick as tree stumps; each foot lined with dozens of claw-like talons, black matted fur that faded up into scale covered skin. The creature was nearly as tall as the trees, the head a mangled twist of flesh that looked like the burnt carcass of a deer. Its eyes flaming red, mouth open in terror inducing scream. The monster charged towards them as they ran, the haunting call shaking the ground beneath their feet. The screech was loud enough to momentarily deafen them. 

The Ghoul stops, sliding into a half kneeling position and firing a shot at its head. Jade took up the same crouched stance, steadying herself as she fired at the beast's underbelly. Black ichor oozed from its flesh but the beast didn’t slow down. Jade moves lower aiming for a leg, she watches as chunks of flesh go flying out of the thing. 

“Take out its legs” Jade calls, watching the Ghoul load in different ammo, before leveling his weapon back at the thing.

The creature came up on them fast and hard, the ground around them shaking. A loud pop erupts and one of the creature's front paws explodes into gore. The creature fumbles but continues forward on three legs. Barely slowed down by the missing appendage. 

“Fuck,” The Ghoul roared as he reloaded and went to aim, a chuck coming free from the blast. It wasn’t enough, the thing was going to be on top of them in moments. 

Any rational thought went out of Jade’s mind, her pack slipping off her back, they were going to die, and the beast was going to be on top of them in moments. Dropping her pistol, which had been nearly useless up to this point; she grabs the machete from her back and runs towards the thing. She could hear the Ghoul calling out her name as she ran straight at the beast. The thing's head coming down, mouth opening, decaying teeth, and spit drooling out.  Wild eyes burning against hers as she dove towards it. Jade could see right down the beast’s throat, as she crashes into its mouth, her makeshift sword straight ahead of her. The feeling of hot humid stink coming out as she turns to swing in an arch around the inside of the monster's throat. A wrecked scream shook her as she felt black blood splash around her. Her ears going deaf from the intense noise ringing around her. The space got smaller as she slashed and swung wildly, chunks of its flesh flying as she lodged herself in its throat. She could feel it trying to swallow, her machete lodged firmly in the roof of the creature's throat. Reaching for her waist Jade grabbed her hunting knife sticking it down into the soft tissue. The thing is trying to scream as she cuts and hacks, trying to remove herself from inside its maw. 

She felt another impact rattle the creature’s body, the beast tossing it’s head back and forth. Jade holding on for dear life and as she tries to cut and saw through whatever she could. Reaching up she grabs the machete slamming it in between her feet as she slides towards the monster’s guts. The soft flexible flesh below her opens up as she slides down the horrors esophagus. She dug her boots in as she felt it start to fall, her body tensing bracing for impact. Her world goes dark as she watches the ground come flying up as the creature collapses. 

The Ghoul felt fear wash over him as he saw Jade leap into the gaping maw of the thing. He calls out her name several times hoping it would somehow stop her. The creature stopping and shook its massive head back and forth trying to cough her up. He could see blood oozing as his companion struggles inside. He reloads the explosive round back into his shotgun. The beast pausing long enough for him to aim for the other front leg. The rounds punching through and shattering the beast's foot. It rose on its back to feet, front stumps trying to grab at the horror's throat. He could see the machete blade poke out and start to slide down opening up the beast’s throat. He reloads and aims for center mass,firing. The Ghoul hoping to the stars that he would miss where Jade was. A head sized hole went through the beast's chest, it sways back and forth before falling forward.

“Fuck,” The Ghoul shouts, running toward the beast, its fiery eyes dimmed, black ichor covering the ground, guts, and bones scattered in a circle of gore. 

He got to the beast trying to move it, which was a near Herculaneum feat. He managed to roll it enough too see where Jade had hacked underneath its giant jaw. The slit she had made that ran down the monster’s neck, gaped open. Following it down he used his blade to start opening it up more, going down to where Jade’s hands were gripping the machete. Two of her fingers on her left hand were gone, as he peels back the meat to reveal more of her arms.

“Jade, Jade,” Ghoul shouts, fingers slipping on all the black blood, he grabs at her hands and tries to pull. The right one felt wrong, looking into the hole it is clear that her arm is probably dislocated. Cussing some more, he cut and cut. Thankfully his knife was sharp. He found her head and her eyes rolling back as he tips her face up to him.

“You better not be fuckin’ dead,” He shouts, slapping her face trying to get her attention. “Come on girly, come on.”

He held her up and cut low enough he could grab under her left arm and pull. Hoping that he didn't tear her stitches as he yanked. Part of her popped out, her hips still stuck. Growling he rips at the flesh tearing it apart with his gloved hands and yanking her out. Her body flops on the ground covered in black goo. Scrambling over to her, he flips her over clearing her mouth and nose of any goop. The stuff was everywhere. He shook her, calling her name several more times, but she lay limp in his arms. Pulling one of his gloves off he searched for a pulse, his hands were too thick and gnarled from radiation to feel much. He lays her gently, taking his hat off he unzips her jacket and pulls her shirt up placing his ear on her chest. 

The soft steady beat of heart and lungs working was like a shot of chem. He leans back covering her skin gently, wincing at the number of fresh bruises blooming across her abdomen. Looking around he spots her bag, getting up he walks over and opens it up, grabbing a stimpak. He walks back and injects one into Jade’s neck. She doesn't move. 

He wasn’t sure the extent of the damage, she was missing two fingers which could be stitched closed and bandaged, her right shoulder was dislocated, another easily fixed thing. The bruising was worrisome, looking down he could see her feet weren’t sitting properly. Moving down he moved her pant legs up some, the coloring was purple at the top of her socks.

“Goddamnit,” The Ghoul hushes, he’d need to get her boots off. He untied them, opening them up some more, her feet were so swollen they didn’t want to come off. 

“You’re gonna hate me, but these got to come off,” Sighing, he cut the boots off. His hands might have lost a lot of feeling but it didn’t feel like her bones were broken. Carefully he grabbed her heel pulling it towards him and twisting. A satisfying pop echos, the Ghoul letting out a breath, before moving on to the next one. He rests her feet down on the ground, checking over the rest of her, he was shocked there wasn’t more damage. Next, he grabs her right arm feeling up to the shoulder and rotating it into place. The girl didn’t even move, he wonders if he should be grateful or worried. Leaning down he could still hear her breathing, looking over her face he couldn’t see any bruising but that didn’t mean there weren't issues. He grabbed his hat and slipped it back on, staring at her. 

As the Ghoul ponders what to do next with his companion, his eyes catch the black slim moving. Standing he watches as it starts to slither back towards the body. Looking around he could see bone had started to grow out of the stumps of the blown off paws. Turning he saw the slit at the thing's throat begin to mend. The black ooze moving on its own back to the mangled body.

“What the fuck,” Ghoul mutters as he watches the things start to piece it’s self together. It wasn’t instant but it wasn’t slow either. In a matter of hours, most of the gore would be gone and the creature repaired.

The Ghoul turning back to his unconscious companion, his mind running. Some part of him wanted to leave her there, take off, as she probably won’t make it anyway. Las thing he needed dead weight and all that. His eyes looking over his companion, she looked so different compared to the day he found her. Her skin wasn’t pale anymore, now a deep sandy color, the stitches on her arm poking out. 

Jade may have looked like a frightened young woman when he met her, but she was anything but. She was a survivor, a fighter, and had had his back on more than one occasion. The stupid girl had jumped down the throat of this beast without thinking.

“FUCK,” The Ghoul shouts, kicking at the dead carcass as he stomps over to the treeline. 

Snapping several smaller branches he walked back over to Jade, digging around he found a length of rope. He used it to make a makeshift sled. He wasn’t going to be able to carry her all the way out, but dragging her might give them enough to get away from whatever the fuck that was. He shed his duster laying it down on the makeshift sled, before moving his companion onto it, Placing the bags on either side of her bare feet to try and keep her steady. Grabbing the rope he started to move away from the dead beast. Looking over his shoulder he saw the blackness still seeping back into the dead body. He wished he had a bomb, so he could blow the thing up enough that it would take weeks to piece itself back together not hours.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

seven

*likes, reblogs, and comments are greatly appreciated

*we got a lot of hurt, and very little comfort, it's gonna be tense for a while friends.

@pixelatedprofilepic @hiddlebatchedloki @toogaytofunctiondangit

[crippleprophet]

(feel free to not respond to this, hell feel free to be like “please don’t do this again”)

so i’ve had join problems for like 3 1/2 years now and they just got diagnosed like 2 week’s ago, turns out i have runners knee

so i feel bad because 1. it feels lit not as big of a deal as i feel like it is (it is a big deal, it’s impacted my life (thank you therapy))

2. i’m worried that pt and more exercise won’t make it better (i’m on my schools swim team, so 4 practices a week during the season, plus a swim meet on friday)

and 3. i feel like (at least for now) i need more support. my pt doesn’t start until february and i can’t remember the last day i haven’t been in pain or had sensations that are probably due to nerve wackiness. i have used a cane in the past and it has helped me immensely. but i feel bad for wanting something that works for both legs. i’ve literally have had 2 dreams about me having forearm crutches.

i’m just really exhausted, sorry for dumping this all on you rn, i feel like even though i was listened to i still was just told to exercise and loose weight

hey, it’s absolutely no problem & i’m so deeply sorry you’re dealing with this 💕💕

i’m gonna throw like a billion disclaimers on this that, in addition to my usual line about just being Some Guy on the internet, i am definitely responding from a place of trauma here - i don’t know your body & you are the authority on your experiences, i’m just tossing some stuff out there based on my experiences, which might be totally different in other (or underlying physical processes yadda yadda) ways. also like big tw for medical neglect

so. i ran cross country in high school and my joint pain originated in my left knee at age 16, no specific injury or incident, RICE etc barely did anything. xrays and mri showed nothing. tried cortisone shot, euflexxa injections, some sort of topical steroid that was originally used on racehorses, nothing. because i was a runner no one ever considered it could be anything but an orthopedic issue.

i had two exploratory arthroscopic surgeries (which i’ve since learned are as effective as a placebo) with extensive debridement - first dx, plica syndrome, “we have no idea why this was this bad,” cleared to run again after post-op PT, pain came back even worse after ~7 months.

second dx, grade II chondromalacia patellae aka runner’s knee. told never to run again. i knew in post-op PT that something was wrong, this wasn’t the same pain as recovery previously, it felt like the underlying issue was still there. this wasn’t pain of healing, it was making something else worse. my physical therapist didn’t believe me, just kept pushing me, literally told me once that there was no way i was in that much pain. the pattern of swelling, location & sensation of pain, nerve symptoms, etc never made sense to anyone, no matter how many people they called over to poke & prod.

i don’t think i’ll ever know why, especially when he then didn’t fucking do anything with this information, but one day he had me try a lumbar extension stretch. you know the scene in the little mermaid where she’s propping her upper body up with her arms on the rock, waves crashing behind her, triumphant music? it’s basically that pose. it was both the single most excruciating and relieving thing i’ve ever done; even my chronic migraine of 2 years lessened. but we proceeded on a normative linear recovery arc, i got cleared from PT, the pain was better but still there.

flash forward four more years of intensifying pain - first my other knee, then the bottoms of my feet, then more constant and prominent in my lower back, then my upper back & worsening of the neck pain i’d been told and believed was from looking down at books/phone, what i now know as neuropathy increasing all the while - using a cane, then forearm crutches, then a forearm rollator, then a mobility scooter, spending more & more time unable to leave the bed - and i stumbled across an article about ankylosing spondylitis that matched my history fucking eerily, right down to the car crash as a younger teenager. it turns out AS commonly first presents with knee pain, not back pain, in juveniles.

so here’s what i’m gonna tell you: even if it’s “only” chondromalacia, your pain is real and serious and you should listen to your body. and, with again the mega disclaimer that you might be experiencing something totally different, i gently suggest:

read my posts about AS. read my google doc about AS. read anybody’s posts and articles about anything that originates with knee pain, especially if it involves neuropathy.

keep tabs on your body and don’t believe anyone who tells you something is normal until you’ve investigated it for yourself. does your neck hurt? how much? how often? what about your upper spine, between your shoulders? your lower back?

try a lumbar extension stretch, just in case.

if you haven’t been to a rheumatologist before and it’s at all possible for you to do so, do it. if you have a GP and can get a blood workup from them instead, do that. more info on blood testing here - but keep in mind that negative blood work doesn’t rule anything out.

if you can get forearm crutches, one hundred thousand percent do it. make sure they’re sized properly - more info on that here.

do whatever you possibly can to shore up your trust in yourself and your experiences. surround yourself with as many people as possible, in person or online, who believe your pain and make you feel solid in your knowledge of yourself. i’m a big fan of putting up signs with reminders if you can. whether you have chondromalacia, something else, or a combination, your pain is real, it is disabling, and it is in your best interest to develop strategies to cope with the systemic gaslighting that is existing within an ableist society & medical system.

if there is literally anything at all i can do to encourage you, answer questions, etc, please feel free to dm me or send another ask any time. my whole fucking heart goes out to you - you are not the only one who’s been through this, and that is both the horror & deepest relief of chronic pain. so much love to you, may you receive everything you need.

[sarasa-cat]

On Saturday evening I decided I needed to give myself a very specific sort of vacation/staycation/personal-time and to do so immediately**.

It's a do all the things you need to do in order to recharge and not feel DisTraCTed sort of vacation/staycation so, honestly, some of what I am planning on doing sounds busybusy but another chunk of it will just be planned personal time and yet another chunk will actually be "doing vacationy fun things from the comfort of home-as-home-base."

Yesterday I got myself a 90 minute full body massage with hot stones to mellllllllllllt melt melt my muscles. And then I slipped into brain-off mode for much of the evening with light entertainment. I made the Decision(tm) to finish the novel that leaves me grumbling. I have one more chapter plus a short afterward to go. The second to last chapter had a moment that made me want to dump the book into the fire. I am very hesitant to ever use the phrase Mary Sue for a character for so many reasons that are well discussed (probably somewhere years ago on this blog) but, ffs, sometimes that is the precise phrase needed. Actually, more like Entitled Mary Sue. Anyhow...

Today was a post massage sleep in for as long as needed because that is how I make sure I didn't just toss money down the drain. ;)

And then, long slow hot shower and hairwashing (because my muscles neeeeeded all of that heat), toss on a no-ironing-required sundress, and out for local neighborhood lunch and coffee and a stroll and sitting in the sun just doing nothing. Ahhhhhh.

The importance of sun and doing nothing.

I recently ordered and just received and unpacked a really nice pair of lapdesks that feel handmade (two different sizes, smaller one has built in adjustable stand for using a tablet/ipad/book/notebook/sketchbook). They came from shop in france. Currently using one of them while sitting outside (at home) and getting more sun while drinking more coffee. Lol.

Today is a day of chill out.

For the next couple of weeks (or few weeks), I plan on splitting up my weekdays between:

1. Doing lots of fun things that I just haven't had time to do. This includes everything from sketching animals at the zoo, to seeking out interesting places around me (food/coffee/tea/photography ops), to finally getting back to video games (modding CP77) where I am the one holding the controller, to finally being more social online (lol-- DW i'm so sorry).

2. Listening to lots of audiobooks while continuing/returning to address all of the years of entropy. The great KonMari action. Etc etc. Also, finding all of my summer clothing and organizing it nicely.

3. Learning some new recipes to cook because I need to create a rotating set of meals I like to eat that are HEALTHY.

4. Re-starting some sort of yoga/stretching/exercise routine.

5. Getting a bunch of random/boring/necessary Adulting(tm) things on my to do list (that I keep punting month after month) finally checked off and done or, at least, appointments made and scheduled into my calendar.

6. Getting back into various hobbies that are entirely for me rather than For Professional Reasons.

7. Writing and arting only what I feel like writing and arting. Maybe take some online art workshop just to let my brain turn off and have some fun.

For the rest of today I will mostly be a lazy person because I need a lazy day in the sun.

[twosides--samecoin]

💀🛤️

💀 Listen

I've seen a lot of funny deaths across 15 years of playtime in TES/Fallout. I've played all of them except F:76 and TES: Arena/Daggerfall. Nothing beats this.

Here's probably the second worst experience I have ever had in gaming, second only to What Happened To My Gameboy (but that's a story for another time):

This is the time that THIS copy of Fallout: New Vegas for the Xbox 360 broke so hard that I couldn't reload a save out of the problem.

This is my cursed copy of Fallout: New Vegas. I keep it because it's cursed.

Back in the day (2010) when you bought a single-player game, you might have had a day-one patch plus a few more for good measure. This was the console era where only multiplayer and XBLA stuff had regular updates. I remember a lot of conversation in this era was the beginnings of worries about patching in content after release and what it does to games and.. yeah those were simpler days.

PC modding was absolutely a normal practice back then, but we take for granted now that computing technology has improved significantly in the entry level market and modding is a lot more common now with a wider, general audience of gamers than it was then. We even have modding on console, which astonishes me considering my first console was my dad's Super Nintendo.

All of this is to say: When you bought a CD copy of a single player game - you had a few updates but that was it in this era. There were no community patches on console. This was before Skyrim, before ESO, before Fallout 4.

So; I'm in post-secondary, I still owned a 360 and played this game on a 13 inch CRT.

Most often I don't complete a TES/Fallout main story. I'd adventured around Nevada for some time and I decided, yeah, I'm level 40, let's go talk to Mr. House. Let's go into the Lucky 38. Thanks, Victor, send me to meet the man.

Except the game would not let me.

Instead of going through a loading screen and landing in Mr.House's suite, the game loaded to a flat desert texture floor. Everywhere I look, everywhere I turn, dirt. Desert. No landscape no houses no NPCs. I'm in a room that is pure engine void.

Oh, and it's full of water. I'm in a room of engine void, desert floor, and I'm floating in deep water.

Then, waterfalls forming walls around me. Almost like they are forming a room around me; four walls of falling, stretching texture.. with Securitrons.

Securitrons floating down the waterfalls at about the rate when you swim up the middle of a waterfall in Minecraft. Their numbers were not few: the first wave reached the desert floor and more descended from the tops of the waterfall towards me.

It's Securitron D-Day and I am on the shore.

They kill me.

Victor sent me to my death.

I think what happened (after years of wondering/learning about the games/wiki editing/getting more years of experience with the engines/getting a PC I could mod with that wasn't a 200$ facebook machine) was my game had a bug at the point where I went into the Lucky 38 elevator and loaded me into the cell where they get mad at you for going into Mr. House's room, but the room was busted because it was supposed to load me into the area prior. I have no idea.

[aizawaskittenwhore]

𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘸 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘴

≛ 𝘧𝘵. 𝘪𝘻𝘶𝘬𝘶, 𝘣𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘨𝘰, 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘰, 𝘥𝘢𝘣𝘪, 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘪, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘸𝘬𝘴.

≛ 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: 𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘵. 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵.

≛ 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴: 1𝘬

≛ 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘥𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢 /𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘦𝘹, 𝘦𝘹𝘩𝘪𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘮, 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘳𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨/𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺, 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘥𝘰𝘮 (𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘪), 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.

𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 18. 𝘥𝘶𝘩.

𝘪𝘻𝘶𝘬𝘶:

i’m gonna be honest

that whole “innocent bby deku🥺” shit is played out. this man will demolish your pussy and will not apologize for it.

izuku has the full capacity to be rough in bed, so don’t let his sweet and demure presence fool you

he’s really into overstim surprisingly enough

watching you stir and keen as you cum again for the third time in a row fills him with a sense of pride

knowing nobody else could make you whine like this, make you sputter and stumble over each word, make you cream all over the dick the way he does

he also adores fucking you to the point where you can’t form a comprehensible sentence

he’ll give you deep, slow strokes while holding a bullet vibe directly to your swollen clit, pine eyes sparkling as he watches you plead for him to stop, yet buck your hips into him, chasing another orgasm.

calls you bunny instead of puppy bc ew

“you’re so insatiable, bunny. you like it when i—ah, fuck!—tease your pussy like this? ‘like it when i take what’s mine?”

the pleasure is overwhelming, insurmountable as he brings you to that prepice over and over again until you’re crying.

he’ll then flip you onto your stomach, hands digging into the dimples and slopes of your hips before absolutely impaling you on his length

he’s thick, and comes in at a solid 6-7 inches, so you’re always sore after a round or two

also

breeding kink. like a major one.

izuku wasn’t always the most confident in his abilities as a boyfriend let alone a lover

so when you started letting him cum inside you it was a huge boost

likes breeding you before work so he can think about the guys that hit on you in the break room smelling the scent of sex all over your body as you walk past them, sticky white fluid creeping down the leg of your pantyhose.

he couldn’t keep other guys from looking at you, but he could damn sure remind you of who you belonged to.

oh, and he’ll slide two fingers in once he’s done and scoop as much of his cum between them as possible before slipping them in your mouth so he can watch you suck it all off

this mf is possessive and nasty.

𝘣𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘨𝘰:

facefucking.

that’s it. send tweet

nah but in all seriousness, katsuki loves watching your eyes well up with tears as you squeeze and milk his dick for all it’s worth.

he’s a good 7-7.5 inches

not an insane amount of girth but the length more than compensates for it

most definitely uses it as a punishment

and isn’t afraid to do it while you’re in public either

which brings us to his exhibition kink

he’s very prideful when it comes to his reputation as a hero, so you would think that it would keep him from doing anything scandal worthy

wrong

it only adds to the searing arousal he gets from watching your tongue fondle his sensitive head, knees bruised from being beneath him for so long

it’s a power trip for him, especially if he’s in costume

depending on your behavior, he’ll be generous and let you swallow while praising your performance

or he’ll wrap a hand around the back of your neck, slide your mouth off of his spit-soaked cock, and stroke himself until his cum splatters all over your eyelashes, fully debauching you in the desolate alleyway

he’s made you walk back home with cum all over your face before, after you’d been particularly bratty over the course of a week

“katsuki! i can’t walk back home like this, what if someone notices?!”

“should’ve thought about that before you decided to visit me while you weren’t wearing any fuckin’ panties. nasty little girl...now hurry up and get a move on, and you better not wipe it off either.”

loves the thrill of humiliating you

unrelated, but he’s an ass man through and through, taking such pleasure in watching it jiggle and ripple under each heavy blow he delivers

takes photos of the marks afterwards and has an album for em.

he also loves fucking you on different surfaces around your penthouse (and his agency)

the man is territorial

so what better way to mark his territory than by making his gorgeous girlfriend squirt and cream all over it?

𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘰:

babe i am so sorry for your neighbors

cause if there’s nothing else shinsou loves it’s to make you scream

he’s got a corruption kink, but not in the way most people do

he doesn’t give a damn if you’re sweet and innocent, or if you’ve got the mouth of a sailor and could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch

what matters to him is making you lose your composure.

one day you’d been anticipating a call back from a job interview you’d gone to a few days prior

and shinsou just so happened to be observing your blissed-out expression as he ground into you from below, your body atop his

when your damned phone started ringing

being the sly little shit that he is, he saw an opportunity

“answer the phone pretty girl...don’t wanna keep them waiting, do you?”

reaching for your buzzing cell, you press the green ‘accept’ button, raising the device to your ear as you jolt forward

“hello, may i speak to y/n?” a chipper voice chimed through the receiver.

“t-this is sh-she. how can i—ah!—help you?” you garble your words, trying to suppress your moans

hitoshi merely takes this as a challenge, opting to drive into you deeper whilst trying to keep the noise down, it’s less fun when it’s obvious what you two are doing

his dick is thick as FUCK. 6 going on 7 inches but honestly you couldn’t give less of a fuck with the way he’s stretching you

surprisingly enough you managed your way through the phone call, telling the white lie of “helping the neighbors move”

but little did you know this was only the beginning of hitoshi’s new favorite pastime

he’s another exhibitionist too

so uh...good luck with that

remote control vibrators on dinner dates, fingers stuffed deep inside your sloppy cunt while he makes small talk with your mom at the dinner table,

even kneeling beneath your desk and sending you to heaven and back while you’re on a video call with your fucking boss.

he’s addicted to watching you fall apart, and is more than willing to apply that pressure.

𝘥𝘢𝘣𝘪:

dabi’s dick would fuck anyone stupid.

let’s make that clear.

it’s canon that he’s got a jacob’s ladder, blah blah blah, but let’s discuss how fucking pretty it is

creeping in at a firm eight inches, and about 4 and a half in girth with a drool-worthy mauve tip, his shaft slightly lighter than the rest of his tanned, unscarred skin

it’s dangerous, barbells running up the underside of his shaft or not

definitely into temperature play

and i’m not talking about that soft shit like warming up his fingers whilst they’re plunging in and out of your sweet center

no no no

that fucker will BRAND you and will not apologize

you’re his pretty little cumdump, and he’ll stake his claim upon your body how ever the hell he pleases

degradation is a given.

“—what a fuckin’ whore. tch, you really think you deserve this dick?”

“how about you get on your knees and beg for it then if you’re so damn needy.”

“quit your god damn whining, or i swear i’ll leave you spread out on this fuckin’ bar for shiggy to find. maybe i’ll even get a promotion for giving him such a slutty little bitch to use.”

“what’s wrong? does it hurt sweetheart? can’t take it after you talked all that shit earlier?” you shake your head no, thighs trembling as you struggle to maintain the position dabi’s folded you into. “...good.” he smirks, eyes gleaming with malice before pounding you to filth, cries spilling from your mouth as you beg for release, knowing he won’t give it to you.

making you cry? a specialty of dabi’s. your tears get him harder than anything; to watch your lips quiver as you sniffle, wiping away tears while he palms himself through his sweats

has shown you off to shigaraki, and will not hesitate to tongue your fluids off his digits while carrying on a full conversation with the other man.

after all, when you know your toy’s better than someone else’s, you tend to brag.

𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘪:

speaking of this mf

he’s the reason gamer boys get the rep of having massive dicks

cause god damn did you not expect this man to be slinging around eight bordering on nine inches of dick. four and a half to five inches of girth. poor you.

he’s also got a penchant for angry sex, so if that’s not enough of an indication that you’re going to have trouble walking afterwards i don’t know what is

but one thing he loves more than taking you apart piece by piece and cumming inside of you with zero remorse?

doing it when he’s in the middle of a game, and he’s online with the party’s voice chat.

“mmm—god, you really will do anything i tell you....swallowing every inch while these guys get to listen, and you’re not even embarrassed, you’re getting off on it!”

“i love little sluts like you, always doing whatever it takes just to have a cock pry them open at all times. that’s what you are, right? my little slut, made for me to do whatever i want to.”

yes, he’s made you whine so sweetly for him, cry as you beg him to touch you, while he plays fucking valorant.

and you can’t count how many times he’s mocked the way you gag and choke on his massive length while he played genshin impact with random guys online.

is a sucker for a good set of nudes, and isn’t afraid to ask for them on a regular basis

plus he just likes taking pictures/videos of you in general, saving them to a private album of his phone for him to use when you’re not there

he may parade you around as though you’re a lifeless fuckdoll, but if nothing else he’s possessive, and would rather relive the pain of losing to all might than let another man see you the way he does

but i’ll be honest, tomura’s not always a teasing, possessive, vindictive asshole with a huge dick.

he’s also a teasing, possessive, vindictive asshole with a thing for being dominated....and a huge dick.

see, it balances out!

it started with a bet that if he lost another round of mortal kombat you got to peg him

it took a lot of convincing, but he agreed to the terms, certain he’d win regardless

and after button smashing like your life depended on it with subzero, you managed to secure the win.

a grin stapled itself to your face after being treated to two hours of tomura’s incessant sobs and wails

“mhm—please...i can’t take it—ah! fuck, fuck, fuck! right there!”

“don’t make me work for it, i promise you’ll never be player two again, just please let me cum—m’ so close..”

game nights are always fun with him, you can count on it.

𝘩𝘢𝘸𝘬𝘴:

my god my god

i’m gonna say it right now: keigo doesn’t eat pussy for you.

he does it for him.

and that makes all the difference in the fucking world when he’s pulling you to sit on his face

scruff scratching at your inner thighs deliciously as he makes you squirt alllll over aforementioned facial hair, rolling your hypersensitive clit between soft lips and a fluid tongue

he could stay between your thighs for hours and hours on end

will propose to devour you in the most inappropriate of places

and honestly? isn’t the least bit ashamed about it. elevators, in front of large office windows just a few stories above the street where you’re just barely visible to the people below,

on endeavor’s decorative towels after he spread them out on the floor so he could fuck you senseless on top of them, etc.

the flame hero had pissed him off earlier, and he needed to exert some petty rage. this was most sensible use of his energy.

also in case it wasn’t obvious: breeding kink. duh.

no thoughts head empty just hawks begging to breed you during his rut

“come on pretty girl, let me make you a momma....can’t wait to stuff you full of my chicks....”

he blushes so deeply when he’s close to cumming

and boy does he fucking whine

dick is just as pretty as he is, he’s a good 6 inches with a three inch girth; tip flushed and pink

definitely cherishes intimacy during sex

and will certainly go out of his way to make sure you feel comfortable/desired

he could have all the money/fame in the world

and it still wouldn’t compare to the feeling of your thighs suffocating him while he slurps at your cunt like it’s his last meal.

[elliotwittsimp]

Plenty of “mes” to go around

Word Count: 1.5K???

Warning: SMUT, 18+, oral (f&m recieving), decoys being used, PIV, anal, swearing and I think thats about it. If I’m missing anything let me know. 

A/N: Sorry if there is misspelling or grammar mistakes. Also idk how to work out the spaces in tumblr. Its been a long time since I written. 

You and Elliot have been dating for quite a while. 5 months to be exact…you were counting. Dating the handsome trickster was the best and unexpected thing to happen. You two met when you started as a new legend. Being in Elliot’s team, he kept flirting with you about your appearance. Also how you and his decoys should have a fun time soon. Laughing it off due to being nervous and not really knowing the man. But also a bit interested with his offer. Skip to him asking you on a date then asking you out while having dinner at his place. Now here you are, spending the weekend on the Mirage Voyage. He was at his grill cooking pork chops as you sat in the hot tub watching him. Yes, you and Elliot were…active…but there were some things you wanted to try with him. Knowing he wouldn’t judge you for anything since he did fuck you out in the open while fighting on Worlds Edge. So why were you nervous to talk to him about this one thing? It’s not like it was weird. Maybe it would be to him? Elliot looked over to the hot tub noticing that you were too quiet and have your thinking face on.

“Everything okay baby?”, he asked as he walked over to you. Slowly sitting up straight as he climbed into the hot tub and sat next you.

“Yea…just thinking about the next match. Kinda nervous since I didn’t do that well last time.”, scooting over and hugging the side of him. Elliot put his arms around you, kissed your cheeks. One of his hands moved to your chin and softly made you look up at him.

“You’ll do great next match. You’re the best legend I know. Well..besides me”, laughing at his cockiness and playfully pushing him away.

“Shut it Witt.”. You stood up and climbed out the tub. Grabbing your towel, wrapping it around yourself. He climbed out as well to check on the pork chops. Becoming very quiet as you walked to him.

“Can…I talk to you about something?”

“Of course you can? What is it babe?”, still focused on the pork chops.

“I know you won’t judge me for anything but I was thinking that maybe we can spice up our sex life…”, nervously playing with your fingers as you thought of how to say it. Elliot chuckled as he looked at you.

“I thought it was already spicy. Is it not enough for you?”, raising his eyebrows trying to figure out what’s going on inside your brain. You took a deep breathe, preparing yourself for the request.

“I would like your decoys to join us. When we fuck next time.” There were no words just silence as he dropped his tongs. After struggling to catch them, he finally opened his mouth.

“W-w-well they’re not exactly t-t-t..you can’t touch them. They’ll disappear”, you thought he just was awkward about it cause he thought it was weird. But you were wrong. He was waiting for you to say something, just that he didn’t expect you to ask for it.

-

After a few days you got over the embarrassment of asking about it. It wasn’t awkward afterwards but you two felt the tension in the air. You noticed that after coming back from the Mirage Voyage, Eillot was always in his tech room. Knowing he usually goes in there to fix his holographic suit or something. But he was in there longer than he usually does. You were sitting on the couch watching some show but not paying any attention to it.

“Okay! I got it!” he barged in excitingly.

“What? What did you get?”, pausing the tv to listen to him.

“I figured out how they can be used during sex! I mean they’re still holograms but I fixed it so they and you can touch each other! The last few days I’ve been trying to see how I can change the issue.”, you just looked at him, blushing at the thought of the decoys.

“Elliot you didn’t have to do that”

“I know but…I-I-I wanted to. And plus I’ve been waiting for you…to ask” he sat in front of you.

-

“So…I just sit here and you’ll just throw them out?” You asked him as you sat naked on your knees on the middle of the bed.

“Yea. Pretty simple just gotta” , then Elliot threw 4 decoys of himself. You couldn’t help but bite your lip as you saw them surround you. Elliot was making sure he had everything he needed before he started.

“Ready baby?”, giving him a nod, that signaled him it was okay to start. He and the decoys climbed onto the bed. Elliot crawled to you, pulling you in for a kiss. One of his hands went to your hair as he softly kissed you. The other went down to your breasts, squeezing and his thumb lightly rubbing your nipple. Soon you felt another hand squeeze your ass then another caress your thigh. So many hands were on you touching many places. Trying to figure to out which decoy was where, Elliot’s tongue slipping into your mouth interrupted your thoughts. Distracting you with the kiss, not noticing that he made you lay on your back. His hand separating your legs. Placing kisses from your thigh to your pussy. His mouth placed a soft kiss on your clit then you felt his tongue lick a stripe up. Around your head, the decoys were standing stroking their cocks. You blushed not knowing what to do.

“You can touch them baby. It’s okay”, the fucker smirked before he continued to eat you out. Slowly wrapping one of your hands on the decoy’s dick. Stroking it up and down as he threw his head back. Then licking the tip before you put him in your mouth. Moaning on his dick as Elliot slowly slid in two fingers in your hole. He started to lick your pussy faster, spitting on your clit. Then with his other hand he rubbed it in circles before using his tongue again. The pleasure he was giving you was not letting you concentrate on the decoy’s dick. Soon his fingers found your spot, which made you let go of the decoy’s dick. Your hand pulling Elliot’s hair instead.

“Don’t stop Elliot! Please!”, his finger gained speed as his other hand holds you down from thrusting against his fingers. Whimpering as he took out his fingers before you were able to cum around them.

“Elliot please! I need to cum!”, he laid on his back, smirking as you whined.

“Don’t worry. Mirage will let you cum. Just have to be patient.”, straddling him as the decoys followed. One was behind you, two positioned themselves on each side of you. The last one was in front of your face, his dick almost poking your mouth. Elliot grabbed some lube and rubbed it against your holes. His dick slid into your pussy so beautifully. His cock stretching your hole and filling you up. Not able to take a breath, his decoy slowly slid his dick into your ass. He caressed your back to distract you from the pain as he entered. Once you were comfortable with the two of them filling you up. They started to thrust with the same rhythm. The decoy in front of you grabbed your head as he pushed his dick into your mouth. Feeling bad, you gave attention to the other two. Stroking their dick with your hand at the same time. You never felt this much pleasure. Everything about the situation was making you wetter and overwhelmed. Since his decoy was fucking your mouth, drool started to run down your breasts. Elliot licked up against your breast, catching your drool. The one behind you slapped your ass, thrusting into you faster than Elliot was. Moaning and stroking their dicks faster. You knew you weren’t gonna last long. Trying to tell Elliot that you about to cum, but couldn’t due to his decoy’s dick making you gag. You felt yourself stay still, squirting hard on Elliot’s dick, making his dick push out. Pulsating around the decoys dick as he stayed still in your ass, letting you enjoy the best orgasm you ever had. After they let you rest for a bit, Elliot told you get off so he can stand up.

“Get on the floor!” by the tone of his voice, you knew he was close. Quickly getting on your knees, they surrounded you again. Looking at the five Elliots stroking their dick near your face was making you want to cum again. Their grunts and watching them thrust into their own hand. Did something to you like nothing ever had. Elliot made his dick tap your lips.

“Open that mouth”, obeying his command. You felt him and the others cum all over your face. Stroking two of the nearest ones you could reach, to make sure they got everything out. Sucking Elliot’s tip as he watched the mess that him and his decoys made. He was so proud of himself that he is the only person to give you this much pleasure.

Maybe he should use his decoys more often.

[swinterr]

fic rec vii ♡

hi!

this is a another new set of fic rec and i’ll probably do a compilation of genre (?) just like the first ones.

read and support the fic and authors here: the fic rec ♡

made some changes like tidying up a bit and adding summary, for those that doesn’t have any summary i’ll try my best to add my own summary (it will probably be shit tho, i ain’t making a smut summary guys, i’m not confident in my describing a fic ability but i’ll try my best. if its in italic it means i made the summary hehez )  if the summary is shit, i made it okay.

a for angst

f for fluff

s for smut

// for series or list

kpop oc/s

1. jane by @baejiyeonz

2. bee by @purpleyellow

3. lian by @nct-lian

4. taehui by @jeontaehui

nct

sungchan

1. [10:47 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

haechan

1. [5:21] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. you’re warm by @dreamystuffers | f

- a drunk hyuck can only mean a clingy hyuck.

3. you’re short too by @pastelsicheng | f

- 5 times hyuck teases u for ur height.

4. no title by @heychan | s 

- dirty thought cockwarming haechan and johnny comes in to the room while you are trying to hide it but haechan doesn’t care.

5. wishes by @lucaswithnoshirt | a f

- standing on stage is everything you’ve dreamed of. except in the time it’s taken you to get there, you’ve been dreaming about other things, too.

jaehyun

1. moving in: the series by @jaehyun-ified | f

- after agreeing to move-in with jaehyun, you decided to curate a little series on your channel to both give in to your viewer’s request to have jaehyun frequently on your contents and to document your moving in process with the love of you life.

2. [8:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam. 

3. boyfriend by @simpsiren | a 

- a relationship with jaehyun wasn’t always perfect. there wasn’t a definite label on it, which only sent the relationship down a complicated pathway as we tried to find the meaning of our love once again.

4. best part by @okayoongii | f

- don’t know how to describe this tho, just read it. also 10/10

5. can i help you? by @sugarjaee | f s

- when working an extra long shift at work, your boyfriend surprises you with a visit.

6. stages of love by @biletdoux | a f s

- a playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart. 

7. [9:04 am] by @jeongvision | // f

- domestic fluffy blurb. 10/10!!

8. suds by @kim-taehung | s

- first person to move does the dishes for a week. nothing is off-limits.

9. promise by @bvbyxuxi | f a

- jaehyun has loved you since you were both kids, things were going well until he messed everything up; meeting again as young adults, he refuses to let you go again but would you give him another chance?

mark

1. one minus on plus one by @wonjaekook | f a 

- in all of the years you’ve known jungwoo, you should have figured out to not take his words at face value because, though you haven’t even met, mark lee seems to hate your guts. 

2. [12:03] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

3. pretty boy by @epinebleue | f a

- fluff, the tiniest bit of angst, the reader is two years older than mark, jaehyun makes an appearance as the reader’s fuck buddy, use of alcohol and drugs (marijuana), mentions of violence (mark punches someone), smut (protected sex, inexperienced!mark, dry humping).

4. camera flash by @morkleemelon | f

- mark taking a picture but forgot to remove flash waking up oc, pretty fluffy and cute! 10/10!!!

5. retrouvailles by @kireimarkeu | f

- counting down the days until you finally see your long-distance boyfriend.

jungwoo

1. [1:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

johnny

1. man-icure by @haejunehui | f

- based on jcc ep. 26

taeyong

1. reverb by @lovingonrepeat | s

- taeyong + studio sex. 

2. unspoken by @bvbyxuxi | f s 

- you had never thought to see taeyong again after your one night stand with him until this year where he takes you by surprise; turns out he wasn’t the guy you sought him out to be after all.

ten

1. [2:32 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

lucas

1. [4:31 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. king of hearts by @raibebe | f s a

- a little bit of everything, a chef’s kiss. 

yuta

1. [5:51 pm ] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

doyoung 

1. redamancy by @heavenlyhaechan | f

- this is just so fluffy! i wished to be doyong gf please. 

2. fools together by @yongiefilms | f

- two fools in love with each other? 

3. acedia by @jaeminscoffee | f

- a day in the life of yours and doyoung's love life.

4. our little secret by @haejunehui | f

- read to know their little secret. hehe.

5. caught red handed by @hannie-dul-set | f

- all you wanted to do was take a picture of the handsome law student during your train ride home. you did not expect things to end up like this.

jeno

1. i see red by @0097linersb | s

- pure filth 🥵10/10 tho.

2. addiction by @love-mi | s f

- you and jeno keep your relationship a secret to avoid backlash from your companies and fans; but keeping himself away only makes him want you more.

3. surprise visit by @nakamotonudes | f s

- you hadn’t seen your boyfriend for over a month because of his hectic schedule so when he suddenly shows up at your place one night for a surprise visit, you both have to make every second worth it.

bts

jungkook

1. the pitter-patter of the heart by @koorara | f s a //

- pieces of newlywed domestic moments with jungkook, your husband. the young film and literature lecturer and his wife, you, who works as a journalist of a web magazine. both of you managing the career, the time for each other and the new house. not to forget, chip, the cat that has been with you for years. 

2. please love me by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a 

- as the only unmarried jeon and kim children, your families propose a union to symbolize your unbreakable bond that spans generations. but despite developing an affection for jungkook growing up, he never returned it; he never seemed to like you, actually. you’re okay with the proposal, but surprise surprise, he isn’t.

3. first love, last love by @floralseokjin | f s //

- a collection of drabbles following the longterm relationship between jungkook and you... 

4. second chances by @parkhabits | a s

- work. one of the most important things to him. It kept him company at night, it was all he thought about, all he put his attention to. his work had become the mistress within your marriage. years after you left him you’re back with only one goal in mind. get him to sign the damn divorce papers. yet you should’ve known that your husband wouldn’t let you go that easily. 

5. crush by @jungxk | f s 

- jungkook woke up with amnesia (?) he totally forgets that he has a wife and child. and he totally has a huge crush on his wife. 

6. bare necessities by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- when you ask your boyfriend for a relaxing vacation you don’t exactly expect him to take you to disneyland out of all places. luckily, jungkook knows just how to get you to relax — being needy is definitely not the way. or is it…

7. krampus for christmas by @ddaenysus | f

- when your daughter overhears your nightly activities close to christmas, jungkook takes it upon himself to convince her it was the sounds of the legendary demon goat.

8. a date with destiny by @imjustfanfictrash | f s

- you are a boss lady in the tech industry traveling to world for work. he is a chart-topping artist touring the globe to perform in front of millions of fans. In the cosmos of life, you are not likely to cross paths. luckily, fate has a different plan for you two.

9. stranded by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- jungkook’s offer to help you study for your exam is unwelcome. his entire presence is unwelcome. you don’t want help from the guy who passes all his classes without even trying. it’s annoying — he is annoying. from the way he grins whenever he catches you staring at him, to the way his eyes shine whenever he smiles at you. oh, and let’s not forget the way his tattoos shift when he stretches or the way his jawline sharpens when he’s focused. nope, you definitely can’t stand him.

10. sprout by @v-hope | f

- after a nice evening out with your friends, you find yourself coming home to your sleeping toddler and the new hairstyle she had tried on your husband.

11. friday nights and take-out by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a

- you meet pop star/idol jeon jungkook at the café, you get close, and as hyejin says, you’re like friends with benefits without the sex. but you’re bad at feelings and so is he.

12. jealousy by @ephemeralkookie | f s a

- jungkook’s closest friend, namjoon is getting married and he invited you three to his wedding. the only unexpected thing was jisoo, his ex, and we’ll just say that you were not too happy to see her flirting with your boyfriend right under your nose

13. a quarter past us by @jjiimin | f a

- when you break up with him out of fear of losing your freedom in university, he finds himself showing you why leaving him isn’t the answer. 

14. pretty boy by @angelguk | // f s a

- alternatively known as the jock!jk universe drabbles in vague chronological order. 

15. summer solstice by @boulevardk | s

- down on your luck and desperate for a successful harvest, you pray to the gods. you figure no one in heaven was listening to your prayers when nothing happens immediately. but one fateful night, your prayers are answered. are you willing to pay the price? the sacrifice might not be what you were expecting….

16. lilac wisteria by @blushoseoks | f a 

- over the years, things change - but the one constant is your love for lilac wisterias.…okay, maybe jungkook’s been there too.or, alternatively:the first time jeon jungkook says that he is going to marry you, you are five years old sitting underneath a large wisteria tree.

17. obsessed with your ass by @kooklovesu | f s 

- jungkook has an obsession with your body he cant get enough of praising you. he wasn’t comfy showing the world his affection towards you in public because he’s a private guy, but when he finally did, good luck.

18. from home by @gyukult | // f s a

- jungkook is the youngest of five boys, the last in line to truly inherit any his parents’ money. but what if his mom suddenly cuts him off due to his current poor behavior and he’s forced to learn how it feels like to be part of the working class?

19. black card by @minsprings | // f s

- black card fic and drabbles, also a chef’s kiss.

20. oh my god, they were (quarantined) roommates by @ot7always | f s

- what do you do when you’re quarantined for months on end with jeon jungkook - s tier cuddler, workout robot, and thirst trap extraordinaire? fuck him, you guess.

21. let the games begin by @venusiangguk | s

- just another fic where oc rides jk in his gaming chair pls still read it tho lmao its hot i promise

22. the probability of us by @jiminrings | f s

- jungkook’s the son of the university’s president, y/n’s cardigan is everyone’s favorite, and adjacent walls mean shared victories. 

23. open when by @iluv-hobi | f

- jungkook likes to write letters to you, especially ones with purposes, like “open when ___”. one day, on a particularly bad day, you open, “open when you’ve had a shitty day”. 

24. good day by @ilikemesometaetaes | f s

- his motive was made quite clear once he called you out of work. he just wanted to spend a nice day with his girlfriend. is that too much to ask for?

25. calculated by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // s 

- some people would call you far too serious. some would call you stuck-up. and some would call you a bitch. but to freshman jeon jungkook, you’re the head calculus I TA noona  – and he’s determined to fuck you.

26. brat taming by @sugasbabiie | s a f

- jungkook has been your roommate for almost a year. since the day he moved in he has acted like nothing but a spoiled little brat who is used to getting anything and anyone he wants. he eats your food, he doesn’t clean, he’s loud, oh and now he has colored his hair the exact shade of blonde as you. He’ll do anything to get under your skin. you’ve had enough of his filthy mouth and his fuckboy ways. it’s time to tame that bratty little roommate of yours. think you can handle it?

27. sugarplum energy by @bymoonchild | f s a

- you know no bounds nor depth with jungkook. while your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on soundcloud. all’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while. or, jungkook has one braincell, but it’s heart-shaped.

28. ancient history by @moononthejoon | a s f

- there is no way to deny that you and jungkook have chemistry. the two of you used to be a couple, after all. what happens when after a not-so-amicable breakup the two of you are cast as opposite leads of a movie?

29. that’s not daddy by @nochuobsessed | f

- jungkook comes home with a new hair color and his sons can’t tell if he’s appa or not. pretty cute! 10/10

30. no title by @himbojk | s

- jk got a blowie from his oc while on a zoom class meeting, like cam on with a whole set up but his oc under the table sucking the life out of him while he sits and tries to take notes .

31. dilf jk by @himbojk | // s f

- dilf jk drabbles.

32. no title by @himbojk | s

- blond jk with full tattoo sleeve who looks like the baddest boy but is actually baby and just wants a handie in the library while studying with his oc because she aspires to have those high grades. 

33. no title by @noteguk | s

- bf!jungkook going down on the reader while they watch anime.

34. silent treatment by @blu-joons | f

- baby kook asking daddy kook to say sorry to mommy. 10/10 too!

35. getting railed by @dearlytea | s

- getting dicked by your boyfriend during a train ride.

36. the view by @koyamuses | s

- jungkook knows exactly what turns you on; every kink, every dirty fantasy that’s buried deep within your mind. he knows exactly how to make you beg for it.

37. let’s play: dirty by @jungkxook | f s

- on today’s stream, watch as the king of gaming jeon jungkook gets totally pwned by some newbie player on overwatch (he swears he was stream sniped)! to make matters worse, he can’t seem to focus anymore when you’re in the room but he promises that’s not because he’s in love with you or anything. use code ‘jungkook’ on any game purchase through steam at checkout for 25% off so that jungkook has something to feel better about! iloveyou btw!

38. more dilf!jk by @cutechim | s

- oc thirsting over jk, talk about finances, jungwoo is an innocent cock-block as infants are, disrespect towards a major film franchise. 

39. you are inherently beautiful by @ggukachuwu | f a

- when y/n and jungkook accidentally reveal their relationship to the public because she walked in on him doing a vlive and now netizens and kmedia are tearing apart her appearance because y/n is chubby from struggling with pcos. jungkook takes it upon himself to cheer her up because he absolutely adores her.

40. morning with jk by @min-arya | f

- jungkook drabble of him catching his s/o admiring him in the morning with soft sleepy cuddles.

41. even a forest fire dies out by @9uk | a s

- it became from “grab a coffee with me?” to “why should I grab a coffee with you?” too fast for your liking. you had thought the both of you were so in love with each other—only to realise it was only you who had fallen into this trap of feelings. and as for jungkook, he might have just been as confused as you are.

42. all that we had by @starlightauroras-writes | a s

- four years, two months and five days ago, you lost the love of your life with no explanation. living with a failed marriage at such a young age without knowing why was impossibly hard, and when you’re invited to your high school reunion, knowing he would be there, you really don’t want to go. what happens when you do leaves you questioning fate. 

43. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

- life after jeon jungkook was grey. you had to find your own color, grow your own rainbow. but what would surprise you the most is the appearance of white cosmos, seven of them clutched tightly in kim taehyung’s hand.

44. contentment by @btsqualityy | f s 

- oc’s using jk’s card to buy rug and the rest is history. 10/10!!

45. heartbreaker with a heart of gold by�� @filmflowersbangtan | a s

- love this!!! you know i love me some angst! 10/10!!!!!

46. the ikea test by @mercurygguk | f

- you and jeongguk face the IKEA test. successfully? sure!

47. before you universe by @ephemeralkookie | // a f s

- jungkook has taken a huge place in your life after he tattooed you, and you can’t even picture how life was before him. he has always been there for you since day one. but how will things change after you find out you’re pregnant?  

48. christmas cream(pie) by @smoochkooks | s f

-  a day before christmas dinner with your boyfriend’s parents, you discover another alternative way to use the chocolate cream you’re making. jungkook is more than willing to indulge in your little fantasy.

49. last minute by @moononthejoon | f s

- christmas day had gone by, and now you were back home after holidays with your family. your friends had agreed to have a late christmas party, but as always, you and jungkook procrastinated gift buying.

50. you go in knowing bros together by @blu-joons | f

- a cute fluffy knowing at knowing bros moment. 

51. no title by @v-hope | f

- the way y/n would react when someone else flirts with jk and how he’d handle the situation.

52. hair dye by @mercurygguk | f s

- jungkook got his hair dyed while at work. you lose your mind the moment he steps through the door.

53. stay gold by @yeojaa | s

- blond!jk being a good boy?

54. crystal snow by @honeyj00ns | f

- when you join Jungkook and the rest of the guys for some fun in the snow, he can’t help but feel jealous.

55. 6:21 am by @sincerelyourfangirl | f

- in which he makes your morning extra special.

56. plan b by @btsracket | s

- dressing room quickie, unprotected sex request, use of Plan b pill

57. possession by @bngtanah | s

- jungkook is your boyfriend, sometimes you have to remind him what that means.

58. puffs and touches by @mintseesaw | f s

- “Stop doing that with your face, someone else is going to snatch you up”

59. the quiet things by @btsracket | s

- sleeping bag sex.

60. good boy by @ephemeralkookie | s

- secret, read to find out AHAHAHHA.

61. make it right by @jungkxook | a s

- you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too

62. it takes two by @junghelioseok | s

- struggling with the idea of your ex-boyfriend moving on, you enlist the help of your quiet roommate in a scheme that quickly spirals out of control.

jimin

1. picking petals by @cutechim | s 

- you asked for a baby, so a baby is what you’re going to get. 

taehyung

1. daddy by @btsracket | f s 

- there’s only one choice when this happens on a date out.

2. love me or we both go down by @gukyi | f s a

- after going through with an arranged marriage to please his parents and secure his inheritance of the family business, kim taehyung thinks he’s got it all figured out. he doesn’t. apparently just being married to you isn’t enough, not when everybody and their mother can pick up on the fact that the two of you absolutely loathe each other. but taehyung wants his inheritance one way or another, so he decides that desperate times call for desperate measures: the two of you need to fall in love, and you need to fall in love fast.

3. saudade by @jiminssthetic | a s f

- a demanding idol lifestyle was something taehyung and yourself were all too familiar with. it wasn’t so hard when considering your unconditional love for one another, but lately, taehyung wasn’t the same anymore; and you decide it’s time to find out why.

4. ineffable by @99liners | f

- boyfriend taehyung takes care of his sick s/o.

5. tease by @caiuscassiuss | s

- you knew you were hot. you saw how the guys looked at you, how their eyes were drawn to a tight t-shirt or short skirt. and maybe this would fail epically—crash and burn like a failed experiment—but you wanted to get under kim taehyung’s skin the only way you knew how.

6. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

- life after jeon jungkook was grey. you had to find your own color, grow your own rainbow. but what would surprise you the most is the appearance of white cosmos, seven of them clutched tightly in kim taehyung’s hand.

got7

yugyeom

1. yugyeom as you boyfriend by @sunshinekookie | f

- i need more yugyeom fics in my life.

astro

eunwoo

1. rainy say saviour by @imsarahbum | f a

- upon seeing you getting bullied after school for being short, dongmin can’t help but step in and defend you - despite both of you not really knowing anything about each other.

anyway, thank you again for the writers please take care and be safe!

please free to recommend your favorite fic that i haven’t feature yet.

if the links won’t work and i labelled some fics wrong please let me know and i’ll try to fix it as soon as possible!

support the fic and the writers!

[mrskodzuken]

pairing: Kozume Kenma x f!reader

genre: SOFT. AND. PURE. FLUFF.

wc: 975

warnings: alcohol, some product placement ads (lol; not sponsored by Tanduay and Sprite), slightly suggestive cheverlu (c/o the English translation to APO Hiking Society's "Yakap sa Dilim"), Kenma being so sweet to his s/o, a bit ooc-ish?

note: this fic was inspired by my last week's *coughs* spicy *coughs* interaction with my second visiting (fifth overall smh) Kenma anon here on my blog. Then the song "Yakap sa Dilim", originally sung by APO Hiking Society, came into my mind because it's so damn seggsy tbh *fidget fidget* At first, I thought of doing a bit smutty fic to complement the song but... siiigh, I'm still nowhere as good as by the likes of my other moots who write smut almost on a daily, weekly basis. Plus I have a good, if not great, imagination when it comes to writing fluff, so... ^^;;

another note: that part about Y/N mixing her alcoholic drink with clear soda and experiencing full-blown redness and itchiness from head to toe while drinking was based on my experience drinking alcohol straight away. And no, I'm not always drinking on a regular basis, just whenever there are family get-togethers and like New Year's Eve parties.

another ANOTHER note: this is my first entry for @lumpiang-toge 's Piliin Mo Ang Pilipinas server collab event. Huuuuuuge thank you for beta-ing this @/lumpiang-toge @love-amihan @imo-chan-imagines @kousukii @manjirosday @abuliawrites I LOVE YOU ALL MWAH <3 *headpats*

see also: listen to the original version of "Yakap sa Dilim" by APO Hiking Society here-

[00:45 am]

——— 💙💖

"...and that's all for tonight's streaming! Make sure to follow me on all my social networking sites, they're on the description below! Well then, this has been your favorite gamer cat boy Kodzuken, logging out!"

Kenma then removes his headset and closes his stream, stretching and yawning a bit in his gaming chair, before standing up and heading towards his and your shared (bed)room.

"Y/N~ Y/N, are you still awake? Y/N-" he opens the door to your room, only to find it silently empty.

Hmm... where did she go? Kenma then searches the kitchen. "Y/N?" And the bathroom. "Where are you?"

He taps on his phone and checks his contact list for a possibility of you being online at the moment. And sighs. Nothing.

"Y/N! Y/N-chan, where are you?"

"Kitten, I'm on the back porch!"

Kenma finds you sitting on the porch, chin up, your eyes watching the numerous stars twinkling, shining, across the wide clear night sky, and smiling.

"I just finished my stream earlier and was checking up if you're awake or not but-" He sits in beside you and snuggles a bit but then notices a slight flush in your cheeks, and spies your hands cradling a glass of familiar reddish liquid. Beside you stands a half-empty bottle of Tanduay Ice, its opened bottle cap sitting askew on the lips.

"How long have you been drinking, Y/N? And straight-up drinking a bottle of Tanduay Ice Red Mirage?"

You turn your slightly flushed face at Kenma, a goofy smile escaping your lips, and raise your glass. "Not about half an hour ago, and don't worry about me getting all red and itchy all over my body from too much drinking! I mix it up with some Sprite to lessen the alcohol intake!" You fish out a 2L bottle of Sprite, also half-empty, on the ground, to prove your point.

Kenma sighs exasperatedly and smiles back at you. Lovely and stubborn you, who isn't the type to back down from an argument and stuff.

Shit.

You gently place your drink on the wooden floor and suddenly stand up and walk. "Ah, you want something to drink? I can get you some can of beer if you-!"

You feel the grip on your wrist as he grab your hand before you go inside, and look at him.

"Kenma-"

"Please stay."

Kenma then brings your hand near his face and tenderly kisses your palm, looking you in the eye, the action making you more flushed but not because of alcohol. He smiles at you again.

"I love you, Y/N."

Steam runs off your ears, your face a full-blown tomato face. "I-I-I love you, too, Kenma!"

The former Nekoma high school volleyball setter and now-YouTuber can't help but softly chuckle. Kenma can't really resist teasing and making you blush.

Because he finds it very cute. And endearing.

He hangs his head down a bit. "Sorry... I forgot about our date earlier.”

"Eh? W-why are you saying sorry...? I should have known you'd have a busy day yesterday! Two 4-hour streams, company Zoom meetings, a date with Kuroo-san in the office-"

"-it's a meeting with the Japan Volleyball Association for an upcoming proposal, stop calling it a 'date'!"

Your boyfriend then pulls you closer and wraps his arms around your waist, his head being buried on your chest. You could hear his muffled sigh and voice from within while he speaks.

"I'm such a terrible boyfriend to you, kitten. How can I make it up to you?" While looking at you, pout on his lips, his golden cat orbs a puppy-like glance at your face.

A look that sends your heart aching with cuteness.

"Hmm..." You pull away from Kenma's embrace and grab your phone to scroll and tap on something. A smile creeps across your face as you place your phone back from where you got it earlier.

The first few notes of your favorite song start to play in the background. You offer your hand at a slightly confused Kenma.

"Would the great Kodzuken care to dance with me?"

Hoping that you lay your head on the pillow

Your body, I'll cover like a blanket.

Problems you will forget

As long as we embrace in the dark

He accepts it, grinning, and finds himself swaying his body alongside you, your hands around his neck, his hands perching on your waist.

Don't stop if you feel like you have to cry unexpectedly

Hoping what you feel is relaxation

If you want, we can take a cigarette first

Before we embrace in the dark

"I'm so lucky I have met you, Y/N. I really am~" He places a kiss on your forehead before nuzzling your cheek, his nose wrinkling a bit. "You still smell of Tanduay Ice, kitten. Hope you won't experience an incoming hangover later."

"Kenma!!! I won't, silly! And I'm also lucky that I'm here, cuddling with you, dancing... it makes me happy!" You kiss his cheek and hug him closer.

This is something that we have been waiting for

We're right at this moment embracing in the dark

Oh, the satisfaction from the quick, stolen moments

While we embrace in the dark

"I love you, Y/N..."

"I love you more, Kenma..."

Come on and lie down by me in bed

Let's savor the good times together

To our love that we hope for

While we embrace in the dark

As the song ends, you find yourself yawning, sleepy. He notices this.

Kenma kisses your forehead again, snuggling you at his side. He yawns also. "Maybe we should go to bed now, kitten. It's getting late."

"And we can cuddle while we sleep?"

"Mhmm~ yes, we can! C'mon... but first, let's brush your teeth and get rid of that alcohol smell..."

"Kenma!!!!"

DO NOT REPOST/EDIT WITHOUT PERMISSION. PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME, KIDS. LIKES ESPECIALLY REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED. ALL WORKS © angrymongol01/kirakirasaku - 2021.

My Masterlist

[soramei]

Intentional - Part 4

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Landing your first real job at JYPE was something short of a miracle. You were prepared to face the new struggles of this elusive career whilst moving to a new country, however, nothing could have prepared you for him. Will stolen glances, secret touches, and hushed nights spent in the recording room ever be enough for the both of you?

Genre: idol!bang chan au, forbidden relationship, coworkers to eventual lovers, slow burn

Warnings: none right now, eventual smut

Word Count: 3.4k

Masterlist

A/N: DOUBLE UPLOAD! So i decided to split this part in two since i didn't want it to drag on for too long... next part will be uploaded tomorrow!

Taglist (reply to be tagged!): @planetdemon​ @hvunvely​ @fluffybitch0325​ @fashi0nablee @juststop88

You picked up the lanyard, looking between your burnt jacket in one hand and the vandalized piece of plastic in the other. The burnt polyester felt rough against your fingers. It was littered with black holes, almost to the point where it was unrecognizable as your jacket.

The lanyard, on the other hand, was almost untouched — save for the black marker that was sketched on the plastic. In the picture, on the part where your upper body was showing, there was only the black marker. The black blob stretched across your torso, the shape depicting a hoodie. Your eyes landed on the eyes in your picture. Thick lines drawn in the shape of an X covered both of them.

You quickly entered your apartment, hoping nobody saw you. You then stood completely still, listening to the silence, trying to find if anybody had broken into your home. After a minute, when it seemed as if you were the only person in there, you decided to lay the two vandalized items on your desk to further analyze them.

Your brain immediately tried to play this down by assuming that these were just kids who did this to your stuff, after all, it was something very immature. Children were the only people who had the time to play with fire and draw on other people’s pictures.

However, your gut told you something different. Why was your jacket along with your lanyard placed right in front of your apartment? Why was the marker outline specifically in the shape of a hoodie? Who could have known you were in the parking lot at that time of day?

Your mind drifted to one specific person. Manager Kim. He not only saw that you were in the parking lot that day with that jacket on, but also he knew your face from the lanyard. But why would he do something this childish? And how did he know where you lived?

The parking lot security guard had also been there when you wore that jacket, but he didn’t even look at you. And he would have no motive to do this sort of thing.

You rubbed your chin in thought, still not understanding everything. Was there somebody else that knew you were there?

Still feeling anxious, you began to prepare a cup of tea. You were reminded of Bang Chan. The tea. The smell of his hoodie.

His hoodie. The black hoodie.

Realization hit you like a truck as your eyes widened in disbelief. Was it maybe… Bang Chan?

Your heart was beating out of your chest. Hands shaking, you picked up your phone to call him, silently begging for the mysterious person to not be him.

He picked up.

“Hello? Y/n?”

You stayed silent.

“Is there something wrong?” He asked.

“I… I lost my jacket and it had my lanyard in it,” you tried to be careful with your words, not wanting to rouse suspicion from him, “have you seen it anywhere?”

“No,” you could almost see Bang Chan furrowing his eyebrows, “I’m still in the building though. I could look for it?”

“That’s alright,” you sighed in relief. He genuinely sounded confused, and plus, he was always so nice — there was no way he would ever do this kind of thing to you. You felt guilty for even suspecting him. “Thanks for offering though.”

“Y/n.”

“Hmm?”

“I know I said this before, but,” he paused, “if you need help with anything I’ll be there. I mean it.”

A chill ran down your spine at the seriousness of his voice. “I know. Thanks.”

You hung up, uneasy. The problem was unsolved, and to be honest, you were a little scared. There was somebody that knew who you were and where you lived. It was probably a good idea to change the passcode to your lock.

The kettle started to whistle. You turned off the flame of your stove and poured yourself a cup of tea, hoping that it would calm you down. Although it did a little, you still felt apprehensive about the whole thing. Your mood stayed the same the whole night, even when you tried to scroll through your phone or go to sleep.

The next day, you woke up with your mind cleared. No longer were you still feeling the aftershocks of the creepy jacket burner, and with your mood lifted more, you felt like you could think more objectively.

And that’s exactly what you did.

Throughout your whole week, this incident stuck in the back of your mind. Although your memory was getting fuzzier and fuzzier with the passing days, you still tried to work out who the culprit was in your free time.

Your mind was also filled with something else. Or was it someone else?

It seemed like, during the whole week, you couldn’t stop thinking of Bang Chan. You had to put part of the blame on him, though. Everytime he had a free moment in his busy schedule — granted it was rare that he did — he wanted to see you.

From secretly bringing you snacks from the vending machine to summoning you to his recording room in order to show his newest creation, he always seemed to stay busy even in his free time. You weren’t complaining, though. It was nice to have a friend who was so different from what you were used to.

You also spent a lot of time with Na-eun too. However, the time you spent with her felt different. Not in any good or bad way, just different. With her, it was mainly in the cafeteria, raving over the food after finally finding a free table. It was also trying to talk over everybody in the crowded streets as you two went shopping after work.

You liked it, sure. But with Bang Chan, every moment felt more intimate. Every smile, every laugh or brush of the hand. Was this what becoming friends felt like?

Other than these intrusive thoughts, the rest of your time was taken up by work. Although you were starting to get the hang of your tasks, there were still many mistakes made. Mistakes in which you had to profusely apologize to Manager Chen for, that you had to stay late nights to fix, mistakes which made you almost lose your mind. You hoped that Manager Chen could see your dedication to not only this project, but your job as a whole.

In the duration of this week, you managed to check in with every department involved with the project and partake in the finalization of the Mid-Autumn Festival content idea. It was decided that the group would do three activities: make lanterns, bake mooncakes, and share a fire while watching the moon. All while in the mountains.

You were surprised when Manager Chen asked you to come along to the shooting despite your inexperience. However, it wasn’t a chance you were going to pass up.

The week was hectic. So hectic, that you didn’t even realize it was almost over until Na-eun brought it up.

“Ugh, I wish I could just steal a whole tray of this food home,” you rolled your eyes. The two of you were raving once again at the cafeteria food. You wished you actually knew how to cook.

“Can you not cook?” She asked.

“I can fry an egg,” you said, stuffing more rice in your mouth.

“My six year old niece can do that,” she laughed. Her eyes widened. “What if I come over tonight and teach you? We’ll make fried rice, even you can’t screw that up.”

“Ha,” you said dryly. “I would, but I have literally nothing in my fridge.”

Na-eun gave you a deadpan look.

“How were you able to stay alive for the past couple weeks? At least you got skinner.” She sneered. “We’ll stop by the grocery store after work, I’ll teach you the bare minimum of living alone.”

And that was exactly what the two of you did. Right after you clocked out of work, you met up with Na-eun to go shopping. You decided to take out some cash to pay for your groceries, an action that Na-eun found hilarious. She was almost crying as she explained that a few groceries didn’t cost as much as you thought.

Your trip was successful. The two of you made it all the way back to your apartment and didn’t waste a second to get started. Halfway through setting things up, Na-eun got a text.

“Hey, is it okay if Yoojin comes? I guess she got jealous that I was here with you and she wasn’t.” She chuckled.

“Of course,” you eagerly nodded. “But, wouldn’t it be hard to get here with her injury?”

“What injury?”

“You know,” you continued, “her ankle.”

“She seemed fine to me.” Na-eun said as she started on the rice.

“Maybe she healed fast.” You shrugged.

“Maybe,” she shrugged back and returned to her task.

You texted Yoojin your address, and it wasn’t long before she was knocking at your door. You opened your door, and she immediately leaped at you for a hug.

“Oh, Y/n! I’m still so sorry for that day, I honestly feel horrible.” She pouted, her big eyes staring at you for a response.

“It’s really nothing, Yoojin.” You tried to sound casual. You let her in your apartment. “But, doesn’t your ankle hurt? There’s a lot of stairs coming up.”

“Oh, uhm, the doctor said it was only a minor injury.” She paused. “And I heal fast.”

“That’s good,” you smiled, patting her shoulder.

“But I still feel so bad, Y/n.” She whined. “Lemme make it up to you. I’ll set you up with this really hot guy I know. He’s a law student. You don’t have a boyfriend, do you?”

“Kim Yoojin!” Na-eun yelled.

“How about it? You’re free tomorrow, right?” Yoojin looked at you, ignoring Na-eun.

“I guess so,” you hesitantly agreed, “since it’s the weekend tomorrow.”

“Great!” Yoojin wrapped her arms around you, jumping up and down. “I’ll text you everything tonight.”

Yoojin kept up with her promise. After the three of you stuffed yourselves with good food, your two friends decided to leave before it got too dark. It was just a bit later when Yoojin’s text came through. You were to have dinner with this man called Kang Taehyun at an Italian restaurant tomorrow. Although you weren’t too thrilled with the idea of eating pasta, you figured you could withstand it for one night on the basis of trying something new.

You didn’t know how you felt about going on this date. Although you were excited to meet somebody new, something just felt off. Plus, you’ve never been on a blind date before. Who knows how good Yoojin’s judge of character was, or if this guy was like anything that Yoojin described.

You sighed, putting those thoughts aside. It was just a one time thing anyways, and who knows? Maybe this could lead to something. You looked over at Bang Chan’s hoodie. His warm hoodie that smelled so much like him. You should return it soon.

It was almost like he read your mind. As soon as you looked away, your phone rang with a call from Bang Chan.

“Hello?” You picked up.

“Hey, did you find your jacket?” He asked. You were surprised he still remembered.

“No… not yet.” You drifted off.

“Oh. We’ll keep looking for it, yeah? I’ll just buy you a new one if you can’t find it.”

You giggled. A couple seconds of silence passed.

“My shoot ends at six tomorrow. Wanna go to that barbecue place I was talking about?” He asked.

That’s right. Bang Chan couldn’t stop raving about that barbecue restaurant the whole week. He was really excited as his diet would end when he was done with his photoshoot, and he was apparently craving meat the whole time. All his praise made you very eager to see what the hype was all about.

You were about to eagerly accept, but then you remembered the date you had just planned not even a moment earlier. “Can we go another time? I… kinda have a blind date tomorrow.”

A few more seconds passed before you heard Bang Chan’s voice again.

“Blind date?”

“Yeah, my friend set it up. We’re going to this Italian place. Apparently he’s a really nice and handsome guy. He’s a law student, too.”

“Wha- law student? Y/n, are you sure you should be going on a blind date now? I mean, you just got here. You don’t know the city that well and you don’t even like pasta. What if he’s dangerous?” Bang Chan scoffed, his words got faster with each sentence.

“Chan, it’s okay. You don’t need to worry, I’ll be safe. Plus, I trust my friend.”

“You mean your friend you only just met?”

Silence.

“I only just met you as well.” You spat, slightly insulted that he would speak like that about Yoojin.

There was more silence that lingered.

“Whatever. Have fun on your date.” Bang Chan spat back, his harsh tone matching yours. Right after he said that, he hung up.

You looked angrily at your phone. Frowning, you threw your phone on your bed. Who was he to get angry at you for having a blind date? You recognized the dangers of meeting somebody new, but you trusted Yoojin. You were confident that Yoojin was honest about Taehyun.

A boyfriend would be nice too. Ever since your last relationship early in your university career, you haven’t had the best luck with men. It could have been because of how closed off your old friend group was. Your friends stayed consistent ever since you were young, and it was way too awkward to date a friend. You also found yourself way too closed off to go out and meet any new people.

Yes, tomorrow would be a good experience, you told yourself.

The next day, the hours leading up to your date felt like they had passed way too fast. The call with Bang Chan from last night still lingered on your tongue like sour candy, but you were determined to push past that in order to get ready on your date. After all, you didn’t want any frown lines to show.

You were excited to get ready. The amount of time it took to do both your hair and makeup was embarrassingly long, as you wanted everything to look just right for tonight. You didn’t want a hair to be out of place. You also took your sweet time to pick an outfit. Although the skirt you picked out probably wasn’t fit for the fall weather, you stuck with it anyways, choosing to layer a jacket over your outfit. One of your non-burnt jackets.

Double checking yourself in the mirror one last time, you locked the door and headed out. The streets were busy tonight. They were filled with people of all ages trying to relax from their tiring week.

Finding the restaurant wasn’t a hassle as the place was conveniently located at one of the busiest streets for weekend night-life. Dim yellow lights illuminated the tall glass windows just enough for you to see just the shadows of people enjoying their Saturday night. Green vines wrapped around the building, twirling and twisting their way around every crevice available. You tried not to fiddle with your thumbs as you nervously entered the lavish looking Italian restaurant.

“Hello, table for Kang Taehyun?” You asked the hostess. She showed you to a little table right beside a window. It was illuminated by a single candle, and already had two glasses of wine placed on it. And sitting at the table, hands crossed in front of him, was a hideously gorgeous man.

He looked like something out of a drama, really. With his tall nose and his sharp jaw, you struggled to convince yourself that this was a real man. His hands looked twice the size of yours.

“Hi, Y/n?” He asked. “I’m Kang Taehyun.”

He smiled and gestured for you to sit in the empty chair in front of him. You politely greeted him back and sat down. The two of you made some small talk before ordering. He made some suggestions on what to order, but you didn’t really care. You knew you wouldn’t like any of the pastas anyway. Plus, you swore to yourself you wouldn’t be drinking alcohol in front of strangers again.

“I’m surprised you agreed to this date.” You said, awkwardly laughing. “Isn’t a law student supposed to be really busy, especially around this time?”

“Well, I’m mainly doing this as a favour for Yoojin. She helped me with one of my classes.” He took a swig of his wine. “That girl is crazy smart. Or should I say crazy, but smart?”

“Oh?” You didn't want to admit that you were a bit disappointed he only agreed because of a favour. But he was being honest, so that was fair. What he said about Yoojin, though, took you by surprise.

“I’ve only heard rumors,” he tilted his head, “but some say that once in first year she went crazy over a guy. Started stalking him and everything. Apparently she even burned all his textbooks just because he started talking to another girl. They weren’t even dating.”

Your eyes widened at the allegations. There was no way any of that was true. You couldn’t imagine Yoojin — sweet, sweet Yoojin — to be capable of anything like that. There was no way her big puppy dog eyes and her fluffy hair could hurt a soul.

“Are you sure that’s what happened?” You asked.

“I mean, the guy was put into a mental hospital shortly after everything happened,” he shrugged, “so who knows? Maybe he made everything up in his head.”

“Yeah, maybe.” You nodded your head in agreement. Some of your hair fell on your pasta. You blushed, quickly trying to dab the sauce away using a napkin.

“You know Y/n,” Taehyun chuckled, “you’re cute. You’re not my type. I mean, I’ve only ever dated models before, but maybe it’s time to start settling down since I’ll be working at the firm soon.”

Thanks, I guess? You thought. You honestly didn’t know if that was a compliment or a jab, but either way you felt slightly insulted. You didn’t know how to reply to that, but it didn’t take long before Taehyun started again.

“I mean, look at my ex,” he said as he pulled up a picture of his ex-girlfriend on Instagram. She looked flawless in her bikini. “There’s no way I could actually marry somebody like that, right?”

If he says ‘I mean’ one more time… You thought to yourself. This date was turning south fast. This man was extremely handsome — almost god-like — but every word that left his mouth was poison infused arrogance. You didn’t know which was worse: listening to the man in front of you talk about his ex, or eating the pasta that was ordered by him.

You tried your best to stay polite with him for the rest of the evening. It was hard, though, as his cocky personality kept poking you down the whole time. It wasn’t until you finally separated that you had space to breathe. Great, you were left both hungry and annoyed.

Turning the lights on in your home, you sat at the kitchen table, still annoyed over your bad night. You took out your phone, wanting to scroll through the food delivery apps to find something to eat. Your thumbs began drifting.

No, stop. You silently begged yourself. Please, not tonight.

Your body didn’t seem to listen to your mind, however, as your thumb stayed hovering over Bang Chan’s contact. You pleaded to yourself to not press it, but your fingers seemed to have an agenda of their own. You pressed his contact. The phone call started.

One ring. Two rings.

“Hello, Y/n?”

You were shocked. He wasn’t supposed to pick up. Not after how poorly your last conversation went. You didn’t know what to say.

“Chan, how was the photoshoot?” You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t expect him to even pick up.

“It went great — feels good that it’s over, though.” He chuckled.

You wanted to tell him about your date: how arrogant Taehyun was, how fancy the restaurant was, how nasty the pasta was. You wanted to say all that, but tonight it seemed like your body just wouldn’t cooperate with your mind. And sure enough, you caught your mouth running before your mind. But this time, you couldn’t stop yourself.

“Chan,” you took a deep breath, “wanna come over?”

[thosewickedlovelies]

AND THEY WERE WALLMATES: The Day Off (a post-series part 7)

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Rating: E for so Explicit lmao

Summary: Remember when Javi wondered if you heard him masturbate through the wall? 👀

Tags: SMUT; f masturbation; voyeurism?; fingering; oral (f receiving); dom-ish!Javi but he’s soft at the end

Word Count: 3,309

A/N: I’m so sorry that this is not part 6, but uh have some alternative smut? <3

Also known as the masturbation scene I’ve been talking about, this scene takes place post-series because I just can’t get these two out of my head.

Masterlist

--

It’s a cloudy day in the city and the air is thick, crackling with energy, a slow-building storm borne in on a mischievous breeze. Despite this, you have the windows thrown open to hear the distant rumbles of thunder. The twisting air makes you restless, and you glance at your bed, wishing Javi were here.

You have the day off, but as it’s a weekday, you’re not expecting to see him until well after business hours. A giddy bubble still swells in your chest at the idea that you can indeed now expect to see him, rather than just hope to run into him in the hall. 

You and Javier have been “together” for several months now. He is infuriating and fascinating and above all, careful- so while you’re both prone to wandering over to each other’s apartments when you’re bored, you’re also perfectly content to take things as slowly as he prefers. 

Your gaze wanders over to the bed again. Biting your lip, you think of how Javi often uses ‘slow’ to mean ‘thorough’. When he has the energy, that man can work on you for hours, taking you apart piece by methodological piece. Nothing escapes his attention- not the slightest tremor of interest in something he hasn’t done to you yet.

Your breathing deepens as you stand there in your bedroom, thoughts steadily spiraling around Javier. You didn’t have any serious plans for the day, you’d just been puttering about doing some cleaning- 

You give in.

You set aside what you’d been doing and go to wash your hands. When you return, you strip off your pants and flounce into bed. Warm air wraps around you from the open window. A closer roll of thunder makes you look to the sky, and you feel an electric, taboo shiver wash over you at the idea that you’re about to masturbate in broad daylight, with the window wide open.

But you grin as you nestle into your comforter. And why shouldn’t you? Better to do it now, while everyone nearby is out at work, than force yourself to be quiet at night.

Not that Javier is very helpful in that regard, you reflect wryly. Plus, you’d hardly had need to touch yourself since you’d started sleeping together. But sometimes a little you-time is nice, even if you have a regular partner, so you run your hands up your thighs and belly, intending to take your time…

--

Unbeknownst to you, Javier isn’t at work either. He’s at home, in fact- rifling through his closet, bedroom window flung open at this rare opportunity to air the place out. Rainy days make him edgy, but with things on standby at the office, they’d sent him home.

He’s just considering taking a smoke break when he hears it: muted and soft, but unmistakably a moan. His head whips toward the wall.

He remains frozen in place, ears straining, until the next thing he hears. “Fuck, Javier.” Slightly louder, and his head turns to the window.

Are you…home right now? Thinking of him while you-? Weather forgotten, Javi silently scrambles closer to the window, heart pounding as hard as if he were out on a bust. Now that he’s listening, he hears more: the faint but utterly recognizable creak of your bed frame, the rustle of sheets. The vocal sighs you make that usually tell him he’s successfully seduced you.

Before Javier evens registers what he’s doing he’s crept into the hall and is retrieving your spare key from where you’d mentioned you keep it. He moves as quietly as he can- which, given his DEA training (and the fact that putting on shoes hadn’t even crossed his mind), is damn near silent. Especially to anyone not anticipating visitors.

The way to your bedroom is one he’s traveled countless times now. Drawn by the alluring sounds you’re making, he has to remind himself that you don’t know he’s coming, that he can’t just barge in.

Finally Javi reaches your half-open door- and the breath leaves his lungs at the sight before him.

He almost doesn’t want to stop you. Legs splayed, hips rocking steadily into your own hand, the other clutching the hem of the t-shirt you still wear. Your head is thrown back against the pillow.

“Javi, please,” you pant dreamily, eyes closed, lost in your fantasy.

Well, he can hardly deny such a request. Javier licks his lips. “Yes, Vecinita?”

Your eyes fly open and you squeak in shock at the sight of him, your body instinctively retreating from the unexpected presence in your doorway. Your thighs snap shut, but not before he’s caught a glimpse of what was between them. The evidence of your activities gleams on your fingers where they yank the t-shirt down.

“Javi!” You swallow hard. Your muscles relax as you recognize him, but you maintain your expression of wary confusion. “What are you doing here?”

His own posture is as casual as they come. Hands in his pockets, he strolls just a few steps further into the room.

“Heard you say my name,” Javier murmurs. He runs his gaze over you, languidly, like he’s got all the time in the world. Which he does, he supposes- it’s the middle of the day, and it would appear that neither of you have anywhere to be.

“Thought you might want some help.” When he looks back at your face, a subtle intrigue has joined the surprise there. Your eyes track him up and down in contemplation as he moves closer.

At last you lapse your protective position, stretching yourself out again and parting your legs slightly. You look at him from under your lashes. “I love having your help, Javier.” 

You still use his full name sometimes. He usually prefers his friends call him ‘Javi' (or ‘Penita’ if they must)- it’s the farthest thing from the curt ‘Peña’ he’s forced to be at work- but he finds himself unwilling to say anything every time he gets a tiny jolt at the affectionate way your mouth curls around ‘Javier’.

“Then why…” he stalks up to you on the bed, his movements decidedly predatory. “…did you start without me? Hmm, preciosa?”

The mattress dips beneath his hand as he leans over you, while the other gently cradles your cheek, stroking it with his thumb. You can’t help but turn your cheek into his palm; but Javi loves the way you shift further onto your back as he approaches, your whole body stilling under his commanding presence. He knows it’s not fear- it’s pure instinct, the way you arrange yourself for him, every muscle quivering in anticipation.

“I didn’t think you were home.” An excuse delivered with honest innocence. But your pupils dilate; your chin tips infinitesimally upward, your body’s every message communicating submission.

“Well then.” Javier leans down further so he can press his lips to yours, teasing them open with his tongue. Your limbs loosen, melting into the mattress the longer he draws out the kiss. You’re both breathless by the time he pulls away.

“Don’t let me interrupt,” he whispers. Turning away from you, Javi grabs your desk chair and perches at the foot of the bed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

“…what?” All he’s done is kiss you and you already look consumed, eyes hazy with desire, lips parted expectantly.

Javi feels a prickle of pride at the effect he has on you, the curve of his lips revealing a hint of smugness. “You heard me.” He jerks his chin to the apex of your thighs, where only a tantalizing peek of what he wants is visible. “I want to know what you were thinking about. What you were begging me to do.” 

Almost of its own accord, his voice deepens to the gravely rumble it takes on during interrogations.

He’s pleased to see the quickening rise and fall of your chest, the not-quite-trepidation in your wide eyes. He reaches out to rest his his palm on your ankle.

Once you’d gotten over the shock of Javi’s unexpected appearance in your bedroom, you’d been excited. Coyly responding to what you thought had been an offer of assistance.

But then.

Then you’d heard that voice- that husky rasp, like his control was already half-gone. Which was also incorrect, you realize now, as you stare at him seated at the foot of your bed. Waiting. Watching you with those dark, penetrating eyes, half-shrouded by the turbulent light coming through the window behind him.

You shift slightly, aligning your body toward him. Still processing, but by no means saying no.

“You alright, Vecinita? Sounded like you were pretty close before I walked in.” Javier tips his head in a taunting smirk.

Your cheeks flame. You had been close, it’s true, and under his scrutiny now your body burns even hotter. It’s mortifying, electrifying, entirely more than you’ve ever experienced all at once.

You’ve never done this with him before. You’d guided his touch, yes, shown him what you liked, but never blatantly put on a show like he’s suggesting.

But you swear the heat of Javi's caress on your ankle crawls all the way up to your core. Possibly you should be embarrassed that such a tiny touch from him can provoke such a reaction, but all you feel is exhilarated, impossibly aroused by what you’re about to do.

Holding his gaze, you part your legs. Javier’s focus immediately drops. His attention is excruciating, but you slide one hand down and then back up your inner thigh, teasing. Your free hand grips your shirt again as you glide your fingers into your folds.

You think both of you might moan. Your head drops back on the pillow. “Javier,” you gasp, circling your clit.

“Tell me, Vecinita.” It sounds like the chair shifts.

“Fuck, Javi, wish it was your fingers.” You can barely get the words out, despite that he’s heard you say far filthier things under his influence. Already you’re even closer than before Javi’s arrival had stopped you, the muscles of your abdomen almost painfully tense.

If Javi responds to your cries, you don’t hear it. But you don’t need to. Even with your eyes squeezed shut, you’re aware of him, a smoldering presence mere feet away from you. Fueling your own fire, an inferno burning brighter and brighter until-

You keen helplessly as the tension implodes, hips bucking, blissful relief rippling through you. You know that just Javier’s presence makes it better than if you’d still been alone, but your own fingers don’t feel nearly as effective after having his taking care of you for so long.

As you come down, you dare to look at him.

“Feel better, preciosa?” Javi is still smirking at you, but there’s something hollow in it now. His eyes rake over you with barely concealed hunger, his hand on your ankle gripping tightly.

When his gaze lands between your spread legs, you feel it as viscerally as any physical touch. Your floor muscles clench.

Abruptly Javi stands. “Take that off,” he orders, jerking his chin toward where your nipples are peaked beneath your stretched taut t-shirt.

Agitated air currents billow over you at his movement, raising shivery goosebumps on your naked flesh. But the feeling of exposure only lasts until the bed dips at your feet, and then Javier is crawling up your body, still fully clothed. The purposeful intent on his face makes your breath catch. He kisses you hard, but when your hands go to the buttons of his shirt he snarls.

He takes your wrists in one broad hand and pins them above your head. His hips crowd into the space between your thighs, and the weight of him settling against your body makes you whine high in your throat.

“I’m not done with you yet, Vecinita.” Javi's voice is deceptively soft. “Now that I know what you imagine me doing to you…” his hand releases your wrists and slides slowly down your skin, over every curve and contour of you. “…I intend to make it a reality.”

Javier shimmies to the side just far enough to slip his fingers between your legs.

Pleasure erupts at the press of his callused fingers, tearing a moan from your chest. 

Javi groans in satisfaction at the slickness he finds, greedily working it from its source up to your clit, following the same path your own fingers had taken mere moments earlier. Sweat prickles your hairline. You shudder as he flaunts his intimate familiarity with your body.

“Vecinita.” Javi’s face is as close to yours as possible for him to still be able to watch your expressions. You look up at his insistent tone- just as he sinks two fingers into you.

The breath punches out of you as your muscles seize. 

“My job now,” Javier tells you.

His fingers curl inside you, beckoning like his bedroom eyes. Brown locks fall over his forehead as he unconsciously ruts into you in time with his ministrations. You tilt your hips into his hand, and only Javi’s mouth on yours muffles your moans as he grinds the heel of his palm against your clit. He murmurs, hushed and awestruck, as you fuck yourself against his hand.

“That’s it, preciosa.” Bliss rolls through you, unwavering as a rising tide. You’re helpless against the force of it, tingling and surging up your legs, pressure expanding between your hips- 

You come. Devastatingly hard, the weight of Javier’s body the only thing keeping you steady as you lose all sense of self to the blinding pleasure wracking your limbs. He works you through it, wringing every last spasm out of you until your cries fade.

But his movements don’t quite stop. His fingers still achingly slowly, his palm remaining an exquisitely careful pressure on your clit. You can’t seem to catch your breath- you’re so acutely aware of it, like you’re an engine left idling and Javi is keeping his hand on the throttle.

He brushes kisses over your face. His lips place softly on your brow, your nose, your cheek- until lingering at the sensitive skin beneath your ear.

“What else do you think of me doing to you?” The words seem to strike sparks along your bones. You inhale sharply at his implications. “Hmm? I can’t give it to you if you don’t tell me.”

God, what has gotten into him today? Simultaneously demanding and acquiescent, Javier’s voice is an insidious echo in your head. He twists his torso back and forth so his shirt scrapes against your nipples. You almost yelp as your reply bursts out of you.

“Your mouth! Your tongue. On my…” you trail off as he drags said tongue down your neck, doubtless tasting the sweat he’s worked you into. 

“On your…?” Javi exhales on the damp streak he leaves, and goosebumps spring up at the cool sensation. 

“You know where.” It’s a near-whisper. The place where you’re still stretched around him. Where the slightest shift of his wrist makes you tense.

You feel his smile as Javi plants a last kiss on your collarbone. He makes a sound somewhere between a sigh and growl as he works his way down your body, pausing only to nuzzle and nip at your breasts.

Thunder rumbles outside, closer and louder than it had been. You close your eyes at the sound, letting it wash over you like your partner's leisurely devotions. You can only relax so much, however, as your anticipation grows the further south Javier travels…until the flat of his tongue envelopes your clit.

You can sense his satisfaction at your choked whimper. Immediately he has to hold your hips in place to prevent them lifting off the bed as everything in you tightens again. Torturous slowly, his tongue moves, tracing every ridge and fold of your heat with meticulous care. Your thighs tremble.

“Fuuuuck.” It’s nearly a sob, your breathing ragged.

You swear Javi laughs, a smug wheeze in the back of his throat, and it’s as his tongue probes your entrance that you remember his fingers are still inside you. He spreads them so his tongue can slip into the gap, and the complementary sensations all in one place have stars wheeling behind your eyes. Javi definitely chuckles then, a vibration you can feel against your sex, and then his mouth returns to your clit. 

His lips, tongue, and fingers move with a single-minded purpose. There’s no holding back any of the sounds you’re making now, salacious moans spilling out of you, an obscene babble of pleas and praise. Javier breathes encouragement between your thighs. You glance down briefly while his eyes are closed in concentration, wholly focused on his task.

Your head spins. Already familiar tremors pull your muscles taut, Javi’s sweet, relentless attention breaking you down more rapidly than you thought possible. You’re going to come again, you know, long before it’s about to occur. You tell him, beg him not to stop, your release bearing down on you from across an endless distance.

This one shatters you. Your spine bows with the contraction of your muscles, pieces of you scattering far and wide as you splay back against the mattress. You surrender to the ecstasy barreling through you, barely noticing Javi’s wide brown eyes watching with rapt attention.

He brings you down properly this time, gradually, until the aftershocks fade and you’re squirming away from him. You remain sprawled how you are, limp and sated, as Javier crawls back up to you.

His lips touch your cheek. “Preciosa? Vecinita. You okay?” He sounds almost worried.

A breathless laugh huffs out of you. You lazily turn your head toward him, finally opening your eyes.

“I’m fine, Javi. More than.” You smile warmly, gratefully at him.

His eyes crinkle in response. “C’mere,” he says, relieved, gathering you into his arms.

You snuggle up to him willingly, humming in contentment. The thought drifts through your mind that now it would be nice for him to be wearing less clothing. But it doesn’t stop you from drowsing into his warmth as he strokes a soothing hand over you hair and back. After several long minutes, you find the energy to speak. 

“So…what was that?”

Javi doesn’t respond for several more moments, pressing his lips to your forehead as he thinks. Or maybe stalls.

“I…don’t know,” he admits, sounding sheepish. “…was it okay?”

“Mmm,” you affirm. You lift your head just enough to plant a kiss between Javi’s rumpled, parted lapels. “Very okay.” You can't help the faint heat in your cheeks, even though it's silly to blush at the admittance given everything you had just let him do.

“Good.” Javier squeezes you tighter. “because I meant it. Your pleasure is my pleasure, Vecinita.” 

Surprised, you look up at him. He returns your gaze steadily, his sincerity clearly visible even as he watches carefully for your reaction.

You may be talking about sex, but this is a declaration of sorts, for Javi. Hauling yourself up onto one elbow, you place your other hand on his cheek and press your lips to his. You let your affection surge forth, kissing him deeply and insistently, trying to convey without words how dearly you regard him.

You think he understands. He cradles the back of your neck, clutching you to him as the urgency of the embrace crests. 

Both of your grips relax naturally after that. He sighs into your mouth as you release him, but doesn’t let you move from where you’re half laying across him. 

“Stay,” Javi murmurs, draping his arms over your back. His eyes drift closed.

Happily, you indulge. You tuck your nose into his neck and breathe him in, already feeling sleep cloud your mind.

Soft as a shush, rain begins to fall.

--

Fic Taglist: @din-damn-djarin, @thirstworldproblemss, @remembertoreadthese, @knightowl247, @pamguini, @piscespussybabe, @chibi-liz05, @dragons-of-the-usa, @bethanysboooks, @layniapetrovnaaa, @1800-fight-me, @finnisrioting (your tag wouldn't work), @sarahjkl82-blog 

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Just What I Needed: Part 4

A/N: 👀

Series masterlist

Word Count: 18.2k

You slowly blinked your eyes open, feeling relaxed and rested. Sunlight poured in through the window and filled the room with a sense of warmth in contrast to how cold you knew the late January air felt outside. 

A sigh of content left your mouth as you stretched and glanced around the room. Although it was no match to the comfort you felt in your bed at home, it was cozy and rather quaint. 

Frank was still laying at the foot of the bed, stirring awake as a result of your movements, but wasting no time in getting up so he could attack you with kisses. 

"Hey, buddy," you chuckled and started scratching behind his ears in his favourite spot. After a moment of giving Frank the attention he craved, your gaze then drifted to the corner of the room where an empty playpen rested.

In your hurry to get out of your house the night before and get to where your family was, you didn't even think of grabbing Mia's travel bed for her to sleep in when you got to Alice's cousin's house. Luckily for you, though, Alice's cousin was a grandma and had things in the house that Mia could use for the night. 

Usually, if you woke up to find Mia not in the spot you'd put her to bed, you'd panic. However, you had gotten used to mornings where you would wake up and know that Auston was already up and downstairs with your daughter, getting ready for the day. This situation was no different because you knew that either your dad, Alice, but more than likely Nate, snuck into the room and took her while trying not to disturb you. 

"Couldn't even warn me about someone taking Mia, huh?" You said to Frank as you sat up, chuckling at how he must've been so unbothered by whoever came into the room and grabbed Mia that morning, seeing as he knew they posed no threat to your little girl. "That's ok. I know you would've gone nuts if it was someone you knew shouldn't have been near her." 

Frank just made one of his typical noises in response to that, then licked your face once more before moving away so that you could get up. Before you climbed out of bed, you made sure to grab your phone from where it laid next to you on the mattress and not to your surprise, it was dead. 

You knew the battery died shortly after you got to the house, and then you got so wound up with trying to get Mia calmed down for the night. You must've forgotten to plug it in before you passed out from exhaustion almost as soon as your head hit the pillow, which you didn't overthink. So, with a shrug, you threw on one of Auston's hoodies that you grabbed the night before and headed for the washroom. 

As you brushed your teeth and washed your face, you couldn't help but smile as you listened to Mia giggling like crazy from downstairs. You then heard your brother just messing around with her and felt your heart swell at the thought of the two together. Mia and Nate adored each other, and it made you so freaking happy to see. 

Once you finished your half-assed morning routine, then packed up yours and Mia's things, you and Frank went downstairs, but you stopped in the living room briefly to plug your phone into the charger you spotted there the night before, then made your way to the kitchen to see your family. 

However, when you entered the room, only Mia seemed excited to see you. Meanwhile, your dad, Alice and Nate looked worried for some reason. 

"Uh, good morning," you greeted, then scratched your head awkwardly as they all looked at each other in a way that you didn't know the meaning behind.

"Mommy!" Mia said happily and began reaching for you from where she was being held by Nate on the other side of the room, noticing how she was already in much better spirits than she had been the night before. 

"Hi, baby," you replied, smiling as you approached the two and took her from your brother's hold. "Are you feeling better today?"

"Yeah," she answered, then laid her head against your shoulder. 

"I don't think her ear is hurting as much anymore," Alice was the first to speak as she smiled at you and Mia. "But it probably wouldn't hurt for her just to take it easy today to make sure."

"Well, we can do that, can't we, little miss?" You asked your daughter, to which she nodded in response. After placing a quick peck on her forehead, you then looked around at your family and could still feel that something was up with them. "Did something happen? You all just kind of seem… off for some reason."

You then watched as your dad, Alice and Nate, gave each other a hesitant look before your dad finally said something. 

"Have you talked to Auston at all?"

"No, not since yesterday," you explained. "I told him Mia wasn't feeling well before his game, but then got caught up with everything with coming over here and her not doing well, so I haven't talked to him since. Plus, my phone died. Why?"

"You, uh, you might want to head home to see him then," Nate said while looking at you nervously. 

"Wait, he's home?" You asked, feeling confused as your brother nodded. "But the team isn't supposed to be back until later this afternoon."

"Exactly," Nate replied again but still did nothing to help how lost you felt. 

"Nate, why do I feel you're not telling me something?"

At that, your brother sighed before glancing at your dad and Alice once more. 

"I woke up to five missed calls from him. So, I called him back like ten minutes ago to find out that he spent the entire night thinking you packed up your things, took Mia and Frank, and left him."

"What?" Was all you were able to respond with because honestly, you weren't able to comprehend such a ridiculous idea. 

Why the hell would Auston think you were leaving him? Was it something you said? Something you did? You raked your mind for ideas of what the hell happened that could've possibly made him come to this conclusion but came up with nothing. 

Then, with one final look at your brother, you adjusted your hold on Mia then went straight for the living room so you could check your phone. 

"What's wrong, mommy?" Mia asked curiously as she continued gripping on to you. 

"Nothing for you to worry about, baby," you assured her. "This is between your dad and me."

Once you entered the living room, you saw your phone light up with some kind of notification, so you knew it was on again, but weren't sure if you were prepared to see what would be waiting on the screen when you finally looked at it. So, after taking a deep breath, you held Mia close and braced yourself for what was about to come. 

The first thing you saw once you tapped your screen were the numerous missed calls and texts from Auston. However, there were also missed notifications from Ema, Brian, both of Auston's sisters, Mya, Steph, Mitch, Lexie and a couple more of your friends, all wondering where the hell you had gone. Although dramatic, some of the messages from Steph were her asking if you were kidnapped or decided to fall off the grid, and it wasn't until then you realized, with how overwhelmed you were with Mia the night before, it very easily could've seemed that way. Especially to Auston. 

And it wasn't even 9 a.m. yet. 

"Fuck," you whispered to yourself, but unfortunately, still loud enough for Mia to hear. 

She gasped, which had you glance at her right away. "That's a bad word."

"You're right, that is a bad word," you agreed, then unplugged your phone and headed towards the kitchen again. "But we're not going to repeat it, right? You didn't hear it from me."

"Yes, I did, mama," she responded, calling you out on your bullshit, then giggling when you gave her a surprised look. 

"Mia! The sass, I can't. You get that from your father."

"Nope."

"What do you mean nope!?"

You continued looking at her incredulously, which made her giggle even more, and that didn't stop until after the two of you were back in the kitchen. 

"Even Mia knows she gets her sass from you," Nate said and wasted no time taking Mia from your hold again. "So, what are you going to do with Auston?"

"I don't think there's much else I can do other than go home right now and talk to him," you replied, then glanced at your dad and Alice. "Would you guys mind watching Mia for an hour or so? I'm really sorry to ask, but I'd prefer that she wasn't there when Auston and I have this conversation."

"Of course we can watch her," your dad replied. "Sweetheart, it's ok to ask for help. And there's no need for you to apologize about it either."

"I know, it's just-," you started, then paused. "I guess I've been forgetting that lately. Maybe that's part of why I'm now in this situation with Auston."

Your family looked at you sympathetically but refused to comment. This was something you and Auston needed to work out on your own. No one else's opinion should matter. 

"Everything is going to be fine, hun," Alice said. "We love having Mia around, so please, you and Auston, take all the time you need. Just call us when you're ready for Mia and Frank to come home too."

"I will," you told her with a smile, then looked back to Mia and pushed her curls away from her face as she leaned against Nate. "I'll be back soon, sweets. Can you promise me that you'll be good for Pa, Alice and Uncle Nate?"

"I promise, mommy," she replied and began waving at you, sending you on your way. Almost as if even she, too, knew that you needed to go talk to Auston asap. 

Lastly, you looked at your brother and let out a breath. 

"Auston needs this conversation as badly as you do," Nate said. "Try to hear him out too. You know he's going to listen to whatever you have to say, but you need to do the same for him. It's the least you could do."

"I understand that," you replied. "But Nate, for him to just assume I'd up and leave him? What the hell is that?"

"I don't know, but if you don't at least try to see things from his point of view too, you're not going to solve anything," he stated, making you sigh. 

"How was he when you talked to him?"

"Not great. Relieved to know that you and Mia were somewhere safe, though."

"I see," you nodded in understanding. "I guess I should get going. I think I'll take an Uber, then once we're done talking, can you bring Mia and Frank home in my car? Mia's seat and everything is already in there."

"Of course I can," he responded. "Just call me when you're ready, and I'll bring them over."

"I will. Thanks, Nate."

After that, you ran back upstairs to grab your things and put them in your car so Nate wouldn't have to worry about them when he was packing up Mia and Frank. After that, you ordered an Uber, then said goodbye to Mia and the rest of your family before heading outside to get into the waiting vehicle and began mentally preparing yourself to face your husband. 

As soon as you were in the Uber, you texted Auston to say you were on your way home, then put your phone back in your pocket. You didn't think he'd respond. In complete honesty, you didn't want him to either because you just didn't know what to say about the topic anymore. 

You began thinking of how mad you were that he just assumed you left him. Had things really gotten that bad between the two of you? Sure, you knew with everything going on in life, and how you've been feeling lately, things had been a little rough between the two of you, but not once did the thought of leaving your husband cross your mind, and it hurt to know that Auston was at a point where he believed that you would. 

After taking a deep breath to calm yourself down some, you glanced at your stomach and were reminded that on top of all this, you were still approaching your 20th week of pregnancy. You were almost halfway through your pregnancy and were due to meet your baby in less than five months, yet you were feeling the shittiest you've felt in a really long time. There was no way you could've ever predicted being in this type of situation, but, you still were. 

When the Uber came to a gradual stop at an intersection and the road sign indicating you were about to turn down the street your house was on, you became nervous as hell. You began rubbing small circles over your bump, trying to soothe your nerves and in some way communicate to your baby that everything was going to be ok, but unfortunately, you weren't so sure of that either. 

By the time the car came to a stop outside of your house, your heart was pounding. You didn't feel ready to have this conversation with Auston, and you hated the thought of not wanting to talk to your husband about something, but you knew it needed to happen. So, with another deep breath, you thanked your Uber driver, then got out of the car and walked up the driveway. 

Needless to say, you weren't exactly expecting the scene you came across once you walked through the front door and looked into the living room. 

Auston didn't notice you at first. In his defence, you did enter the house very quietly, but instead of greeting you like he usually would, he stayed sat on the couch, staring forward at seemingly nothing. He was completely zoned out as he hugged onto his body pillow and didn't move aside from the deep breaths he took every few seconds. So, you took this moment to observe him even more. 

His hair was dishevelled, subtle dark circles were forming under his eyes, and it was clear that he was still wearing the black Nike t-shirt and joggers he more than likely changed into once he got home the night before. His facial hair was a bit more excessive than usual. Typically, he would've shaved a little bit by then, but over the few days, since you last saw him, it was apparent that he hadn't, and it just really tied into the whole look he had going on. Then you noticed the throw blanket that rested in a heap on the other end of the couch and could only assume that was because Auston spent the night on the sofa rather than upstairs in your bed. 

He looked rough and going off of how he appeared on the outside. You could only imagine how shitty he was feeling on the inside. 

A cool breeze from outside then drifted in through the open door, making you shiver but also snap you back to reality from the trance you'd fallen into while observing your husband. You knew you probably shouldn't prolong the conversation you were about to have any more than you already had, so with another deep breath, you closed the door loud enough that Auston would notice and your presence would be known. 

The sudden noise made him jump, but it wasn't long before he was standing up from the couch and looking at you, concern written all over his face as he did so. It took him a second to realize that he was still hugging the body pillow but was quick in tossing it back onto the couch before walking towards you.

"Hey," Auston greeted softly once he walked into the foyer, but came to a stop after acknowledging the absence of the other person he was also looking forward to seeing again, his mouth turning into a frown. "Where's Mia?"

"With my family," you told your husband as you took your boots off and hung up your coat, then stepped towards him. "Nate is going to bring her and Frank back in a little bit. I didn't think she needed to hear us have this talk."

"I see," he replied while nodding in agreement. You continued looking at him, unsure if you should start the conversation or he should, and you could feel yourself gradually becoming more anxious than you were in the Uber with each passing second, but luckily, Auston spoke up again, your name sounding from his mouth in a whisper as he did so. "I don't even know where to start."

"Ok," you said, tears already pricking at the corners of your eyes as you tried focusing on keeping your breaths even since it felt like your chest kept getting tighter and tighter. "I will then. Auston, how dare you think I would just up and leave you? It's one thing to think that'd I'd do such a thing, but for you to assume I would ever do that to Mia? You could do your absolute worst to me, and I still wouldn't be able to keep our daughter away from her father. I could never do that to her or you, and it fucking hurts knowing that you think I would."

"I know you wouldn't, and it was wrong of me to assume otherwise," he replied calmly. "And I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am for that being the conclusion I jumped to. My mom already gave me enough shit for that, but it was the only thing that made sense to me at the time."

"How can you even say that?" You scoffed.

"Because, since Christmas, you've been pushing me away! You've been pushing everyone away for almost a month now, and we've all been worried about you. I thought you'd talk to me about the things bothering you, you always do, but this time has been different for some reason. You closed yourself off from me, babe. I haven't heard anything about your therapist appointments since before the holidays. You've barely told me about your last doctor's appointment and how the baby was doing. I just feel like there's so much going on with you that you won't let anyone know about."

"Because I refuse to bother people with my problems, Auston! My mind can be a damn scary place sometimes, ok. I haven't felt like myself for these past few weeks, and that is no one's battle to fight but my own."

"Why don't you realize that you don't have to fight those battles alone?" Auston's voice cracked as he said that, which struck something deep in you. "We're all on your side, Y/N. We want to help." 

It was evident that he cared so much about you and your wellbeing. You've always known that, and you didn't mean to block out him or any of your loved ones, but what else were you supposed to do? You didn't even know how to explain what you were feeling to him, just that it wasn't good. So, you continuously tried to distract yourself from your thoughts, even though, deep down, you knew what you were feeling all revolved around your pregnancy. And you believed Auston had a right to know that.

"Please let me back in."

You hadn't realized that your gaze drifted away from him until he said those words, and when you looked back at him, his eyes were watering like crazy. That's when your tears finally broke free and began streaming down your face.

Just as you were about to reply to him, though, you heard the radio that was playing softly in the kitchen, change songs. The familiar guitar riff of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Under the Bridge and the distinctive voice of Anthony Kiedis wasn't loud or anything. Still, to you, it was deafening in how the lyrics resonated with the way you were feeling. 

The main difference between you and the lyrics was that you knew you had a partner and knew you had a friend in Auston. He hasn't given you a reason to doubt that. But still, if you were to say you didn't worry about things, well, that'd be a lie. 

"It breaks my heart knowing that our relationship is at a point where the thought of me leaving you would even cross your mind, though," you told him, your voice almost in a whisper. "And part of that is on me—a big part, which I get. I should've just told you what I was feeling and what was going on. I really don't know why I didn't. But Auston, you could've communicated with me too."

It was your voice that cracked then, and you were no longer able to keep in the sob that you felt building in your chest as soon as you started talking again. You didn't think much of it, but then you began sobbing uncontrollably and closed your eyes as you fought to catch your breath, but even that didn't seem to work. 

You felt as if you could collapse right then and there. Everything felt heavy. But before you could, Auston had his arms wrapped around you and was bringing you against his chest, keeping you up as you clung to him for support. By the way, he was shaking; you knew that he was crying as well, but couldn't bring yourself even to attempt to comfort him in some way too as he lowered you both to the ground, then pulled you into his lap. 

"Breathe, baby," Auston spoke softly as he rubbed small, soothing circles on your back, still making you a priority in all of this even though you were ready to rip him a new one only moments ago. "Slow down and just breathe for me, please."

Although you still took a few staggering breaths, you listened. Auston always held you against his chest like this when your anxiety got bad. It was a way for you to match his deep, steady breaths and eventually calm yourself down. It was also a way for him to remind you that he was there and wasn't going anywhere, which, honestly, was exactly what you needed from him at that moment. 

"I hate this," you said after a few moments, once your sobs turned into sniffles. "I hate feeling the way I do, I hate that I blocked out the people I care about the most, I really didn't mean to. But most of all, I hate fighting with you. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too," he replied, then leaned away so he could look at you but continued holding you as he did so. "I think we both messed up in this situation. God, I knew we could be bad at communicating sometimes, but I never thought it would get this bad."

"It's not very fun."

"Not at all."

The two of you chuckled slightly as he pushed back some of your hair away from your face, but the moment soon passed when you noticed Under the Bridge came to an end and With Me by Sum 41 started playing. Another song you knew would just hit differently during a moment like the one you and Auston were in. 

"You were stupid to think I would leave you, Auston," you stated. "I'm well beyond the point of even thinking I could go on without having you in my life in some way. How do you not know that?"

"I do, and that's the thing," he responded, then paused, smiling a little bit as you reached up to wipe away a tear that still rested on his cheek. "You're right. I was stupid to think that. I just felt like I've fucked up so much lately and that you had every reason to leave me if you wanted to. I know it's not easy with me coming and going all the time. You are absolutely incredible with the way you take care of Mia. You know that, right? She adores you. Even with you being pregnant and facing your own troubles, you never falter when it comes to making sure that our daughter is ok."

"Because regardless of whatever is going on with me, I am Mia's mom first. Above anything else. She will always be my priority."

"I know. I've always known that which is why I'm pissed at myself for not thinking why you weren't here when I got home last night was because you were doing just that. Prioritizing our daughter. I know how hard it must've been for your stubborn ass to swallow your pride and ask your family for help. But, you knew that was what was best for Mia and yourself. I'm so proud of you for making that call, babe, and I am so sorry if my overthinking and assuming the absolute worst made you think otherwise."

"It's ok," you told him honestly, then shifted your position on his lap, placing a leg on each side of his so that you were straddling his thighs in a way because you wanted to be face to face with him properly. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, Aus. It's just- this pregnancy has not been easy. Nothing seems to be going right, and I-I'm at a point where I dread going to my appointments because I don't want to be told something bad again. I'm scared, and I didn't want anyone to see me like that. It makes me feel vulnerable."

"You can always be vulnerable with me," he said and made sure the two of you locked eye contact as he did. "I'm not going to hurt you, babe. I would never. You don't need to put up any walls. Be upset. Tell me what you're thinking like the other night when I missed dinner, for example. Don't let me off on that shit! If something is bothering you, especially if it's something I caused, please promise that you'll tell me about it from now on."

"That was kind of shitty of you, not gonna lie."

"I know it was, and I deserved to feel bad about it, but you care too much about others that you couldn't even tell me that."

"I didn't want you to feel bad about it, Auston. Ok, I mean, yeah, maybe a little bit at the time. But, you talk about not wanting to hurt me. I don't want to hurt you either, even if it is just a petty argument or comment. I love you too much."

"And I love you," he replied and leaned his head against yours. "You had every right to be mad at me that night, and you still do. But let me tell you that I suffered from thinking you left way more than you think. I was distraught. I just know that I need you in my life and the thought of you never coming home scared the shit out of me. Fuck, all of that drama on my part and for what?"

You laughed at that. 

"I can tell you were struggling by the body pillow and blankets on the couch. Couldn't sleep in our bed, hmm?"

"It was a rough night, ok? Sue me. And no, not while thinking I may never share it with you again."

"Good thing you never have to think that again then, right?" You asked and gave him a pointed look. "Because if you do, then we'll have real issues, Matthews. Right now, I'll give you a free pass because I know Ema would've given you an earful on my behalf already."

"You have no idea," he groaned and threw his head back dramatically. "I don't think I've ever been called so many synonyms of stupid all at once. It didn't help that Alex and Bre chimed in on it too."

"Sad I missed it," you teased. "And I promise to talk to you about everything, Aus. Please know that I really didn't mean to shut anyone out the way that I did."

"We all understand, babe, but I can assure you that everyone is going to be glad to have you back. Mitch and Steph especially have been missing you."

"I need to call them today. I miss them too."

You and Auston smiled at each other, then you noticed that all the weight you felt on your chest had seemingly disappeared.

"We're ok?" Auston asked before you could say anything else.

"We're ok," you repeated, then closed the gap between the two of you as you hugged him, happy with how the conversation turned out because you knew that he felt a lot better too. However, it wasn't long before he was moving away so that he could gently cup your cheek before leaning in again and connecting his lips to yours with a sweet kiss.

"I love you," you told him again while mumbling against his lips, not bothering to move away from him.

"I love you, more than anything," he assured, but unlike you, moved away so he could look at you again. "You, Mia and our little one on the way are my everything, Y/N. Please, never forget that."

"I won't, I promise."

About half an hour later, the two of you were cuddled up on the couch together, his body pillow and blankets completely forgotten. Auston laid between you and the back cushions, his head resting next to your bump as you mindlessly played with his hair, both waiting patiently for Mia and Frank to arrive home. 

After you and Auston cleared the air between the two of you, he then held onto you as he stood up off the ground and carried you into the living room. Soon after, he texted Nate to let him know that he could come over, and you didn't stop him. You were already missing Mia and knew that Auston was probably missing her a bit more. 

Luckily for both of you, your little girl was making her grand re-appearance as Nate brought her and Frank through the front door. She was giggling like crazy as Nate talked to her in a dramatic voice, but then saw how Frank booked it right for the living to greet you and Auston, and soon let out a squeal of delight once she spotted the two of you. 

"Daddy!"

"There's my girl!" Auston greeted her, smiling so freaking wide as he scrambled to get off the couch, but made sure to help you up as well before going over to take Mia from Nate's hold. "Hi, Mini! I missed you so much."

You couldn't help but smile too as you watched them, not missing how Auston seemingly held onto your daughter a bit tighter than usual and refused to let go. As you observed them, you leaned against the doorway of the living room and mindlessly rubbed your hand over your stomach but soon jumped when your brother nudged you with his elbow and snapped you out of your daze. 

"Told you everything was going to be fine," Nate smirked. 

"Whatever," you replied. "But thank you for watching Mia and Frank."

"Anytime."

The two of you then looked back to Auston and Mia as they chatted away. 

"What do you say we take Frank for a walk in a bit?" He asked Mia, to which she nodded in response excitedly. "Or better yet, how about when Mitchy gets home later, we see if he, Steph and Zeus are up for a little visit?"

"My Mitchy!"

"Yes, your Mitchy, baby girl. C'mon, let's go get you a little snack first."

You and Nate laughed as you watched the two, but before Auston could head down the hallway to the kitchen with Mia, your brother stepped away from your side and spoke up.

"Wait, Auston, before you go, I have a question," Nate said, then glanced between you and him. "For you and Y/N, actually."

"What's up?" Auston asked as he came to a stop and shifted Mia in his hold. 

"Ok, I know it's probably a weird thing to ask, but hear me out."

"Nate, just spit it out," you joked as you pushed away from the doorframe and went to stand with Auston and Mia. 

"Rude," your brother replied but brushed your comment off quickly. "I was thinking, well, if you're ok with it, that maybe I stay here with you guys for a while?"

"What?" You asked, surprised.

"Feel free to say no. It's just a suggestion. But, I work from home. That's why I could go to Florida with dad and Alice for so long, and I thought that maybe I could just stay here for a bit and do the same thing. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I know you haven't been doing great health-wise, Y/N, and I want to help. I'm going to be back here in less than two weeks for Mia's birthday as it is. What if I just stayed then?"

You continued looking at your brother, completely shocked because that was not what you were expecting him to say. But, it wasn't much to process. It was actually a very genuine offer.

"You've been thinking about this for a while, haven't you?" Auston asked curiously.

"Since I was here at Christmas, yeah," Nate explained. "I figured it might be easier on you, Y/N and Mia to have an extra person here all the time, you know? Just to help out where I can and, of course, hang out with my favourite niece."

"Nate, are you sure?" You questioned. "You really don't have to."

"I want to, though. Or else I wouldn't have offered."

"Well, I have no issue with it," Auston stated, then looked at you. 

You just smiled, then shook your head. 

"I'd love to have you stay here with us for a while. I could never say no to getting to see my baby brother."

"Let's see how quickly that opinion changes when I do stay," Nate responded, making you all laugh. 

"How's that sound, mini?" Auston then asked Mia. "Uncle Nate is going to stay with us in a couple of weeks. Did you have fun with him, Pa and Alice this morning?"

"Yeah," Mia replied and leaned her head against her dad's shoulder. 

"And what did you all do?"

"Mommy said fuck," she blurted out, making you gasp this time as you looked at her with wide eyes. 

"Amelia!"

"Busted," Nate mumbled and gave you a look, to which you just scowled in return. 

"Did she?" Auston questioned your daughter, a playful grin tugging at his mouth as he did. "And did you tell mommy that's a bad word?"

"Mhm."

"And I thought we agreed you weren't going to rat me out, Mia," you said, then leaned over to tickle her a little bit. "But we don't say that word, ok? Even if mommy does. It's not nice."

"Ok, mama," she replied, then looked to Auston again. "Snacks, daddy?"

"Yes, of course," he told her, then rushed down the hallway towards the kitchen, making her start laughing like crazy again. You and Nate just gave each other knowing looks, smiling, then headed down the hall after them. 

~*~

The following days were the best days you’d had in almost a month. 

Everything between you and Auston was good, there were no further issues between the two of you and everything felt right once again. The best part too was that after one game in Buffalo two days after you and Auston had your talk, the Leafs were on bye week. So, Auston was going to be home during that entire week and then once the team started up again, there was a nice home game stretch. You were thrilled. 

Although the day after you stayed with your family, Nate flew back to Montreal while your dad and Alice went back to Vancouver, it definitely wasn’t as hard as a goodbye. Unfortunately, your dad and Alice weren’t able to get more time off work to come back to Toronto the following week for Mia’s birthday. But, Nate and Mya were going to be there and that was more than you could’ve asked for. Also, your dad and Alice made sure to spend a bit more time with Mia and gave her a little gift before they had to get to Pearson and fly home. 

On the Monday before Mia’s birthday, you were out with Mitchy picking up a few things in preparation for the little birthday party you and Auston were having for her that following weekend. It worked out nicely too because you didn’t have much work to do for your job that day and managed to finish it all before Mitch picked you up then the two of you embarked on your shopping trip together.. 

Mia’s actual birthday was on Thursday, which was going to consist of your little family just having a little chill day to yourselves before going to Mitch and Steph’s house for dinner because, as Mia’s godparents, the two of them insisted that there was no way they weren’t seeing their goddaughter on her birthday. But the party set to take place on Saturday was a completely different story. 

“So, you’re just not going to help me with figuring out what to get Mia?” Your cousin asked as the two of you sat down at a table to grab some lunch together before heading home. “Selfish.”

“Mitch, I don’t even know what to get her,” you replied. “Auston was the one that came up with her birthday gift this year. I’ll probably get her a toy of some sort just to toss in with it seeing as Auston picked out clothes and stuff. And besides, you don’t have to get her anything.”

He scoffed at your last comment.

“Did he show you what he picked out at least?”

“No! He hid everything from me so I wouldn’t give him shit about it.”

“Now why would you give him shit?” Mitch asked, laughing. 

“I think the fact that he dropped a Gucci bag while taking out the recycling this morning, then looked at me with wide eyes before booking it into the garage and avoiding the situation entirely, speaks enough for itself,” you responded, making your cousin laugh even harder. 

“Incredible.”

“Mia doesn’t need Gucci slides, Mitchell. She’s two.”

“Try telling that to your husband,” he replied with a shrug, making you roll your eyes. “And here I am wondering how the hell me and Steph are going to do better than last year's gift.”

“Is it wrong of me to guess that you won’t?” You questioned while looking at him with an expression that resembled the yikes emoji, earning yourself a look of disbelief from your cousin. 

“Y/N!”

“What? You know how much Mia loves that stuffed whale that you and Steph got her last year. It’s literally her comfort item. I genuinely don’t know how you expect to top that when even me and Auston can’t.”

“Ok, that’s fair. That makes me feel a bit better.”

“Drama queen,” you grumbled just as the waiter approached, thankful that their presence seemingly covered what you just said. 

You and Mitch were at one of your favourite restaurants in the city, so neither of you needed to look at the menu to know what you wanted seeing as it was the place you frequented the most together. So, after kindly greeting the waiter, who already recognized the two of you, and placed your orders, you both soon fell into comfortable silence and began doing your own thing while waiting. 

Almost instinctively, you messaged Auston to see what he and Mia were up to and how they were doing. He briefed you on how he took Mia downtown to the Distillery District with Frank and that they walked around for a bit before going on a little lunch date themselves before going back home to unwind a bit. You couldn’t help but smile at the image that entered your thoughts as you picture your little family on their day off, but were then interrupted by Mitch laughing out loud. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled after he noticed you jump at his sudden outburst. “Steph just sent me this tweet. Hold on, I’ll send it to you too.”

A moment later, your phone vibrated with a new notification and sure enough, it was a link to the tweet that Mitch was talking about. You clicked it couldn’t help but chuckle when Twitter opened and showed a meme talking about things only people who lived in Toronto would understand. After reading it, you shook your head then went to tap the little home button to see if there was anything new on your feed, but then you realized that you had a notification. 

It was weird though, because you hardly ever used Twitter. When you did, it was just to scroll through and get caught up on things you may have otherwise missed or to see something someone else sent you. However, for the past month you were more drawn to the app and you hated why. 

Since around Christmastime, literally the day after you fainted and learned that you had anemia, you’ve been the subject of an unnecessarily large amount of internet hate and you just couldn’t look away. 

This kind of thing wasn’t new. Ever since you first started dating Auston back at the beginning of 2017, there’d been a fair share of comments and speculations made by accounts with no name or picture that seemingly went out of their to talk shit about your relationship. Usually, you were unbothered by it all. Sure, some of the comments stung but you always reminded yourself that these people knew nothing about your life or your relationship. It was unfortunate there were people in the world that just had nothing better to do than have opinions about strangers and felt the need to bring them down because of it and so it was never something you tried to entertain. But, this time around, their words were really getting to you.

You knew you shouldn’t care, however,  you couldn’t help but wonder what the notification could be about, so, you clicked and saw that you had been mentioned in a tweet. Even more curious, seeing as you didn’t recognize the profile of the person who mentioned you, you then tapped on the tweet to see that it was actually someone defending you. 

And yet, you still felt your heart drop because that tweet was actually part of a whole thread going off about how rough you looked when you and Mitch were briefly seen at Costco about an hour prior while the two of you were there getting supplies for Mia’s party.

You suddenly became more self-conscious of the messy bun your hair was thrown up into on the top of your head. But it wasn’t just that either, it was your baggy grey hoodie that you didn’t even realize actually belonged to Auston until you were met by the familiar scent of his cologne once you put it on and your simple black tights seeing as you were beyond the point of trying to squeeze into jeans anymore with your growing baby bump, as well. The most impressive part of your outfit was how it seamlessly hid your stomach and that wasn’t even intentional. 

When you were getting ready that morning, you didn’t think you’d have to dress up to hangout with your cousin as the two of you did some running around then get lunch, now you were thinking you should have. But why? Why did these people seemingly care so much? But what you really didn’t get was why you once again, took what they were saying to heart. 

Mitch noticed the way your smile soon turned into a frown as you stared at your screen. He wasn’t going to say anything at first, but after a moment passed and he saw your eyes become glossy as you continued scrolling, there was no way he couldn’t.

“Y/N?” He asked, making you jump as you snapped your attention to him. “What’s bothering you?”

Honestly, if it was anyone but Mitch, you would’ve immediately gone into denial. But when it came to your cousin, someone who has been by your side literally your entire life and knew you better than a lot of people, it was impossible because he could just simply read through your lies. 

“It’s stupid, really,” you sighed. 

“If it’s making you upset, it isn’t stupid. Everything ok?”

You didn’t respond, instead you glanced down at your phone at the still-open Twitter thread then set the device down on the table and slid it towards your cousin. Mitchy looked at you skeptically, but then picked up your phone and started reading what was on the screen as well.

It didn’t take long for his eyebrows to furrow in disappointment as he scrolled and took even less time for that disappointment to turn into anger. 

“Mitchy-.”

“Who the hell do these people think they are?”

“I don’t know,” you whispered, shaking your head as you fought to keep the tears you already knew were welled up in your eyes from spilling over. “I try so hard not to pay attention to things like that Mitch, but they've been coming for my throat lately and having that on top of everything else I’m dealing with is just a lot.”

“Y/N, there’s a comment of someone saying apparently you looked worse today than when another person saw you last week when you were crying,” he explained, sounding confused but also pissed off. “How long has it been this bad?”

“About a month now. And yeah, I saw those comments as I was getting home from the appointment I had with my therapist last week. That’s why I was crying.”

“Excuse me? That’s what they’re referring to?” Mitch asked incredulously. “Oh, my god. Y/N, I’m so sorry, this is fucked up. I’m tempted to say something, I-. What does Auston think about it all?”

“No, don’t!” You stressed, knowing full well that he’d definitely make a comment in your defence if you didn’t stop him. “And, Auston doesn’t know.”

“What do you mean he doesn’t know? Has he not seen how upset this is making you?”

“No,” you replied before pausing. “I haven’t let him.”

Mitch’s expression softened at that, but he still looked at you with a stern gaze. 

“Y/N, you can’t keep blocking him out,” he stated. “I know the two of you talked the other day and things are good. You don’t have to deal with this alone. Auston will listen, you just have to give him the chance to.”

“I know,” you said, then sighed again. “Things have just been so good since we talked and that’s what I’ve been focusing on. I honestly forgot about the comments until I saw that I got mentioned in one of them. But you’re right, I don’t know why I just haven’t told Auston. I guess it does kind of indirectly involve him. I’ll tell him once I get home.”

“As you should. He’d probably find a classier way to shut that shit down than I would anyways.”

You laughed at that. 

“You’re not wrong. But thank you, Mitchy. You have no idea what it means to me knowing that I always have you looking out for me. And Steph. I’m very grateful for both of you.”

“Good, cause we’re not going anywhere,” he stated as a matter of factly, then glanced away as he noticed the waiter approaching again. “Also, I’ll be following up on whether or not you told Auston.”

“Yes, Mitchell. I’d expect nothing less.”

After you finished getting lunch with Mitchy, he drove you home, but didn’t leave without saying hi to Mia first seeing as she was already out with Auston when Mitch picked you up. He didn’t stay for too long though seeing as he knew he’d be seeing his goddaughter again in the upcoming days for her birthday. 

Once Mia was done saying bye to her Mitchy, Auston saw him to the door and locked it behind him while you took your daughter upstairs to put her down for her afternoon nap. You were pretty tired by then, thinking that taking your own nap would be nice too and as you snuck out of Mia’s room and gently closed the door behind you, only to meet Auston in the hallway as he came up the stairs, it seemed like he had the same idea too. 

A few minutes later, the two of you were laying in bed all curled up together. Auston had you wrapped in his arms; his left leg slung over both of yours, while you rested against his chest, letting yourself relax and your eyes gradually flutter shut with each breath he took. He let out a sigh of contentment, and that was when thoughts of your conversation with Mitch started creeping into your mind again. 

There was no point in telling Auston right at that moment about the Twitter trolls, you could easily just tell him later. But since you started thinking about it, you knew you wouldn’t stop until you talked with your husband, therefore, became less relaxed. 

“Something’s bothering you,” Auston spoke, surprising you and making you roll your eyes at how that man could read you like a freaking book.  

“It’s nothing to worry about right now,” you replied and snuggled closer to him. “I’ll tell you after we nap.”

“Babe, I know you. You’re not going to rest until you get whatever it is bothering you off your chest. You can tell me.”

At that, you sighed.

“You know me well, Matthews.”

“I’m assuming that’s part of why you agreed to marry me, isn’t it?” He teased as you shifted away from him so that the two of you could face each other, but not away from his embrace. 

“That, and your irritating charm,” you replied as a matter of factly, making him chuckle. You smiled too as he delicately reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, then leaned against his touch as he let his hand linger there for a moment, studying you. 

“What’s going on in that mind of yours, bub?”

 “A lot of things,” you told him honestly. “Mainly good, but a couple not so good.”

He looked at you and nodded. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah, if that’s ok with you.” 

“Of course it is,” he responded. “You never have to ask, you know that. What’s bothering you?”

“Well,” you sighed. “It seems pretty pathetic the more I think of it.”

“It’s not pathetic if it’s getting to you this much. Clearly it’s something important.”

“I- I guess you’re right. But, I think it’ll be easier to show you instead of trying to explain it. Do you have your phone?”

“Yeah, it’s just over there,” he explained, then rolled over to grab the device from there it rested on his bedside table, then faced you again. “Do you need it?”

“No,” you replied, smiling at just how much this man made your heart swell so effortlessly. “But, I want you to go on Twitter for me, please. Then search my first and last name and see what comes up. But make sure it’s our last name.”

Auston looked at you curiously, but still nodded and did as you asked. You laid there and observed as he unlocked his phone, opened Twitter and assumingly typed in your name. As he scrolled, you witnessed his soft and relaxed expression turn hard while he read each and every comment made about you, his brows furrowing as he did so. 

“Babe?” You asked after a couple of minutes.

“Y/N, these things that people are saying about you are so unnecessary,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “And they’re recent. How long has this been happening?”

“It’s always been a thing, but over the last month it’s just gotten out of hand,” you explained, sniffling a bit as you tried to not get upset over this, but failed miserably. “Some of them are just so mean. I’ve never felt like I was being watched or anything, but now I feel like I’m under this microscope just so people can attack me and go off about how everything I do is wrong. Usually I just ignore it. I don’t know why any of these people think it’s ok to make comments like that on someone’s life without knowing anything about it, but it’s been happening more frequently and it’s hard to ignore, Aus.”

“I don’t even know what to say. They’re talking about you not being at games and making comments about how you look. These people have no clue what the hell you’re going through. This is insane. T-they haven’t made any mean comments about you being pregnant, have they?”

“No, babe. I haven’t seen any comments about that,” you told him, knowing he was already putting blame on himself, which you refused to let him do. “I don’t think anyone assumes that we’re expecting again. Probably because of how I haven’t been going out all that much lately unless it’s with Mia real quick or to an appointment. But, Auston, that’s beside the point. Can you look at me for a sec?”

His brown eyes immediately snapped to yours, moving from his phone screen for the first time since he began reading the tweets. He was frowning and you knew it was because this was beginning to bother him as much as it bothered you.

“This is not your fault.”

“Y/N, the reason people even feel the need to make comments like this about you, is because of me. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be getting attacked like this for literally no reason at all.”

“Do you not think I knew that when we started dating in the first place?” You challenged him. “That I didn't know people would constantly be criticising our relationship? I knew what I was getting myself into and if that was do or die for me, I wouldn’t be here with you right now. You are worth everything. And  besides, Auston, it's not you, it’s them. I didn’t tell you this to upset you. I’m just trying to be better with letting you know how I’m feeling and this is something that’s really been bugging me lately.”

At that, Auston’s hardened expression softened as he took in everything you said, then nodded.

“You’re right,” he spoke softly. “Thank you for not letting me get too in my head about it and for being so open with me, baby.”

“Of course,” you replied while smiling at him, then glanced down at his phone, which still had Twitter open. “I wish I could tell them to fuck off without causing a whole scene because of it.”

“I’ll say something.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Y/N-,” he started to argue, but you cut him off. 

“Please, Auston. Don’t,” you replied firmly. “You know as well as I do that if anyone was to react in my defence to this, especially you, it’d cause an uproar. It’d get way worse before it got better. Although I appreciate the thought and really don’t know how else I can make this better, I know that’s not the way to do it. And besides, I don’t think the Leafs PR would love you picking fights with random accounts on Twitter.”

“Fine,” he sighed, rolling his eyes slightly because he knew you were right. “Just know that if I can come up with a way to shut all of that down without directly telling those people to fuck off, I’m doing it.”

“I’d expect nothing less, and I wish you luck with trying to come up with a way to do that. But for now, I think I’ll just delete Twitter. That way I can just avoid it entirely. Thank you for listening to me vent about this, though.”

“I’m glad you did. And please try to not let what they’re saying get to you, Y/N. They’re not true. These people know nothing about you and if they did, they wouldn’t be able to say any of that because they’d know how amazing you are.”

“Thank you, Aus,” you replied, then leaned over to peck his lips before laying back down and cuddling close to him again. “I don’t know about you, but I definitely need a nap now.”

“You and me both,” he responded then laid down too, making sure to wrap his arms around you again. “Then when we wake up, we’ll get to see our little girl again too.”

~*~

Three days later was Mia’s birthday, which was pretty hard for you and Auston to accept, but you couldn't have asked for the day to turn out any better than it did. 

The morning started pretty simple. You woke up resting against Auston’s exposed upper body, shivering slightly at the cool air that filled the room, then spotted the pyjamas shorts that you never put on the night before partially hanging off the edge of the bed. It was easy to assume that the t-shirt you planned to wear as well must’ve fallen onto the floor during the activities you and your husband engaged in after taking a romantic and intimate bath together. However, you were unbothered by it all because you felt great. 

The sun peeked through the closed curtains, filling your bedroom with warm orange rays of light as the sun continued to rise outside, making you smile as you basked in the rays and at the thought of how it wouldn’t be too long until Mia was awake. Your two-year old. What a concept. 

Auston shifted next to you, making you wonder if he was still asleep or not. But when he gently stroked your arm as he moved his hand up to start playing with your hair, you got your answer. 

“Good morning,” you said, smiling as you moved away from him. You didn’t bother covering your chest either as you kissed his bicep then leaned onto your elbow so you could face him. However, instead of the seeing the usual smile Auston greeted you with most mornings, he was frowning. Which made you do the same. “You ok?”

“What makes you think I’m not ok?” He asked, curiously. 

“You’re moping.”

“I’m not!”

“Ok, if you’re not sulking then let’s go get Mia,” you prodded. “Our two-year old.”

“No, stop,” he whined dramatically and rolled away from you, not stopping until he was on his stomach but still turned his head back to face you. “I’m sensitive.”

“This is hitting you pretty hard, huh?”

“She’s two, babe! Time is moving way too quick. How can I not be upset over that?”

“And dramatic,” you pointed out, making him roll his eyes. 

“You’re acting pretty chill for someone who is the mother of said two year old and her soon to be little sibling,” he challenged, making you frown. 

“I know that, but you don’t gotta remind me.”

“You know I’m teasing,” Auston replied, then leaned over to place a soft peck on your bump before looking up at you. “Man, Mia is going to be the best big sister.”

“She really is,” you agreed while pushing your hand through your husband's hair. “I still don’t think she completely understands the concept of how there’s going to be a baby around all the time in a few months just yet, but she did point to my stomach the other day while we were taking a walk and asked if ‘her baby’ was warm.”

“And I missed it?” He asked while looking at you with a face that resembled the pleading emoji, a pout forming on his lips as you nodded. “What’d we do to deserve the sweetest little girl on the planet as our daughter?”

“I don’t know, but I’d say we’re pretty freaking lucky to have her. God, can you believe that she’s two already? Like that’s insane to me.”

“I don’t think I’ve fully processed it, yet. What do you mean she’s not going to be small forever?”

Both of you laughed after that, but it was really just a way to cover up the pain. However, before either of you could think about it for too much longer, you heard Mia shuffle through the monitor and listened as she said good morning to Frank, who decided to sleep in her room the night before.

“I guess that’s our cue,” you said to Auston, then leaned down to peck the side of his mouth before rolling away from him and getting out of the bed. Goosebumps raised on your skin as you wrapped a blanket around your body and made way to the ensuite, but had to pause when an all too familiar wave of lightheadedness crashed into you. 

“Babe?” Auston asked. Concern laced his voice as he sat up right away and watched you grip onto the duvet and slowly sit down on the ottoman that was positioned at the end of the bed, your eyes closed as you did so. He immediately stood up, keeping the bed sheet wrapped around his lower body as he went to where you were sitting, crouching down and taking your hand into his, noticing how cold you felt, before gently rubbing over your knuckles with his thumb. “Hey, I’m right here.”

“Thank you,” you responded after taking a few deep breaths, then slowly opened your eyes to meet his gaze again once you felt ok enough to do so. “I think I’m alright, must’ve just stood up too fast.”

A small sigh left his mouth as he continued looking at you with the same expression he looked at you with when you told him about the Twitter troll's other dau. As if he was trying to read your mind. 

“I worry about you,” he spoke quietly. You knew he didn’t mean it in a way to upset you and you didn’t take it that way either. Auston was letting himself be vulnerable while getting something off his chest, just like you had been doing a lot lately by working on not shutting him out. The least you could do was listen to him, and you wanted to. “So much. You have no idea how much harder it’s gotten to leave for away games with you constantly feeling like this.”

“It sucks,” you agreed with him. “But, it’ll all be worth it in the end, Aus, when our baby is here. We both just have to stick it out for a few months longer. It’s not going to be easy, but we can do it. I know we can.” 

You maintained eye contact with him as you spoke and were able to see the way his gaze softened as he hung onto every word you said. However, he didn’t respond. Instead, he nodded then pulled you into his embrace, which you gladly accepted.

“You are the strongest person I know,” Auston eventually said, making you laugh slightly, then him to move away so he could look at you again. “I mean it, babe. I swear, you’re like Superwoman. It doesn’t matter what shitty hand you’re dealt, you always see the best parts of it and power through. You’re incredible.”

“Well now you’re going to make me cry,” you replied, letting out another laugh in an attempt to cover the sob that was inevitably going to escape your mouth. When in actuality, tears were already streaming down your face and you were sniffling, but not in a bad way. “And here I was thinking my hormones weren’t going to be as bad as they were when I was pregnant with Mia.”

“Oh, and you claim I’m the one that’s going to be emotional today over it being Mia’s birthday.”

“You are and we both know it.”

“Touche,” he smiled as he squeezed your knee, then leaned in to peck your lips real quick. “Why don’t you wait here and I’ll go grab Mia? Then we can get ready and go downstairs for breakfast.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” you nodded, then watched him stand and leave the room as you began mentally preparing yourself for what the rest of the day would consist of. 

As soon as you and Auston wished Mia a happy birthday, she took the idea of being the centre of attention and ran with it. She absolutely loved and was thriving being the prime focus of everyone who FaceTimed her that morning to wish her well and would make sure to remind you and Auston that it was her special day constantly because of how hyped up she felt. 

A few snarky comments were made between you and Auston over who Mia got her ego from. However, it was still apparent that she got it from her dad, but Auston had to make sure the fact that she got her sass from you was still known. 

After breakfast the two of you gave Mia her gifts. As you suspected, Auston bought her unnecessary luxury items that no two year old in the world would ever need. But, you had to admit Mia looked pretty freaking cute strutting around in a tiny pair of custom Air Force Ones and a Prada bucket hat that matched ones Auston owned too. What you contributed to the gift was this little nurse kit you saw after getting lunch with Mitchy on Monday. It had little toy bandages, a stethoscope and a bunch of other items, along with a little bag to carry them all in. Seeing how Mia was always concerned and wanted to help when she thought one of the people she cared about was sad or hurt, the nurse kit seemed like a very fitting gift. And with the way Mia smiled like crazy once she saw it, then wanted to open the kit right away, you knew you made a good call. 

Once the initial birthday hype dwindled a little bit, a couple of hours later, you found yourself cuddling on the couch with Mia as the two of you watched Inside Out together. You had finished all the work you needed to do for the day and Mia was fading fast as she rested against your side, holding onto her stuffed whale with one arm and letting the other rest on your bump. Each time you glanced down at her, she continued fighting to keep her eyes open. However, once you started gently rubbing her head, seeing as you knew it was nap time, she was done for and soon passed right out.

Not too long after that, Auston returned home after running downtown real quick and thanks to the look you gave him once he walked through the door, knew he needed to be quiet. 

“That didn’t take long,” he spoke softly after he took off his coat and shoes, then came into the living room. He made sure to give you a quick kiss as he walked by, then curled up on the other end of the couch with Frank before looking back to you and smirking. “Did Mia think you weren’t feeling well?”

“Hmm?” You responded, confused by what would make him think that because in the moment, you felt fine.

“You have bandages on your face, bub.”

“Oh! Yeah, she thought I wasn’t feeling good and only agreed to lay down with me and watch the movie if she could make me feel better first. I just forgot that including sticking bandages on my face.”

Auston laughed as he watched you peel off the two bandages from Mia’s nurse kit that were stuck on your cheeks, then looked at you with a kind of serious gaze once your eyes met his again. 

“How are you feeling, though?”

“I’m alright,” you explained. “A little tired, but otherwise, both physically and mentally, I’m feeling pretty good right now. This little girl has been playing a big part in that, for sure.”

“I’m glad,” Auston replied with a smile then stood up again. “You rest. As soon as Mia is awake again, she’ll be wondering when we’re going over to Mitch and Steph’s so you might miss your window of opportunity. I’m going to get a drink, though. Would you like anything?”

“I’d love some water. Thanks, baby.”

“Of course. I’ll be right back.”

You smiled as you watched him leave the room, then let your head fall back against the pillow and took a breath. Mia shifted beside you, but only to snuggle closer to you, which made you smile even wider as softly ran your hand through her curls. Then your gaze fell to your phone, which was resting on the cushion next to you, as it lit up with a notification. 

It was an Instagram notification. After the talk you had with Auston about the unnecessary hate you were getting, primarily on Twitter seeing as that was the only social media account you didn’t have set as private, and how it was affecting your mental health; you deleted the app entirely. Which, in complete honesty, did give you a peace of mind because it was all just easier to ignore that way. Although part of you wished you were gutsy enough to shut down the people who were attacking you, and were well aware of how the people who cared about you had no issue in saying something, ignoring it seemed like the easiest thing to do. 

It was nice seeing a social media notification and not getting anxious because of it, so without thinking too much about it, you unlocked your phone to see what was going on, on Instagram. 

The notification was about something the Maple Leafs account had posted, which instantly piqued your interest because you knew the post would have something to do with either your husband, cousin, or just one of the guys. You knew they weren’t playing that night, they were still on bye week, which made you wonder what the post could be about even more. So, without wasting any more time, you clicked the notification and were brought to the post. 

Much to your surprise, there wasn’t even a proper caption on the post. Instead, it was just a link to donate and a hashtag that said #BellLetsTalk. 

Bell Let’s Talk was something you were very familiar with. It was an annual event hosted by Bell, a major telecommunications company in Canada that was an awareness campaign to help bring attention to and support mental health initiatives across the country, as well as try to end the negative stigma that tends to surround mental health struggles. Although you believed that there should be events similar to this one for every day of the year as opposed to one, you still took part because regardless, it was still for a good cause.

During the event, which lasts 24 hours, Bell donates five cents for every call and text their customers send that day. The same thing goes for every Tweet that is shared using the Bell Let’s Talk hashtag and each time their promotional videos are shared and viewed, as well as a number of other ways for people to take part on all social media platforms.

It was a campaign you supported greatly with how close it hit to home. Having faced mental health struggles for much of your life and knowing how it truly was something that affected everyone in some way, you took part in Bell Let’s Talk and donated to the cause every year. However, up until that moment, you weren’t even aware of how that day was the day of the campaign. 

Your immediate thought was to go to Bell’s website so you could donate, but before you could do that, you noticed that what the Leafs posted was a video when JT’s face appeared on your screen. The video was muted, but you were quick in turning your volume up so you could hear what he was saying. 

“Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day,” he spoke calmly, before it cut to a clip of Mitchy. 

“Mental health is something that affects us all,” your cousin said. “Whether it be something you personally face, or maybe a loved one, it’s important to bring light to these struggles and help end the stigma that surrounds them.”

“People face internal battles that you know nothing about,” Auston’s voice started, then showed him wearing the exact same black hoodie and cream coloured beanie he’d been wearing all day. “There’s no way of knowing what someone may be going through regardless of what is seen on the outside and it’s up to us to be respectful of that. Kindness goes a lot further than unnecessary hate.”

“It’s ok to not be ok,” Mo spoke next. “Ways you can help end the stigma is by clicking the link below. If you’re unable to donate, a simple tweet using the Bell Let’s Talk hashtag, Snapchat filter, or view on Bell’s video will get five cents donated towards mental health initiatives across Canada. Help be the change.”

The video went dark, and you could feel the tears welled in your eyes as you closed out of the app then looked up at Auston as he entered the room again, chuckling slightly at the way the smile that was on his face dropped once he saw you. 

“Are you ok? Did something happen?” He asked, concerned.

“No,” you told him, smiling as you shook your head, but still being careful not to disturb Mia. “I’m fine, babe. I did just see the Bell Let’s Talk video the Leafs posted, though.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s what I had to run downtown for. Did I forget to tell you?”

“You didn’t forget. You’re not that smooth, Matthews.”

“Ok, ya got me there,” he replied, letting out a small laugh as he walked towards you, then crouched down so he’d be eye level with you. “I know how important this campaign is to you and with how you’ve been getting attacked even while dealing with your own shit so much lately, I figured this would be a good way for me to subtly address that issue as well as support a great cause.”

At that, you closed your eyes and shook your head again. 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” you told him honestly, and didn’t miss the small grin that tugged at his lips once you opened your eyes again. “I mean it. Thank you, Auston. Thank you for caring and never making me feel like what goes on in my mind is a burden.”

“You’re never a burden to me, Y/N. Please don’t ever forget that.”

“I’ll try not to, I promise.”

“Good,” he responded, then leaned forward to meet your mouth in a sweet kiss. You smiled against his lips, then used your free arm that wasn’t wrapped around Mia to pull him closer. After a moment, the two of you broke away from each other, but Auston stayed where he was and leaned his forehead against yours and smirked. “Did you donate?”

“Not yet,” you told him, grinning because you knew where he was going with this. “I’m not telling you how much I’m donating either because I know you’ll try to one-up me like you do every year.”

“Just trying to support a good cause,” he shrugged, then winked at you. “Proud of you though for continuously supporting something you believe in though, babe. It’s kind of hot, I must say.”

You rolled your eyes. 

“Leave it to you to turn a serious talk into flirting.”

“Why are you acting surprised?”

“Oh, I’m not,” you stated. “I expect it at this point.”

“As you should,” Auston said then pecked your lips once more before standing up again. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to squeeze in a nap before that one wakes up again.”

“Well come on then,” you replied and scooted a little closer to Mia. The couch cushions were obnoxiously wide and Auston could easily fit where you and Mia were laying. The three of you had cuddled in that same position many times before and by the way Auston stayed smiling as you said that, you knew he wasn’t opposed to the idea either. 

“Well, if you insist,” he responded, then waited as you shifted onto your side so that you’d be facing Mia and Auston crawled into the space behind you, wasting no time in getting into a big spoon position as he held you close and you both eventually fell asleep too. 

~*~

The rest of Mia's birthday consisted of going over to Mitch and Steph's for dinner and not much else, but the birthday festivities didn't end there. Two days later was Mia's birthday party with all the friends and family that could make it, and you were pretty damn excited.

The day after Mia's birthday, Nate and Mya arrived. Mya stayed for the weekend and would be flying back to Vancouver on Sunday evening, the day after Mia's party. However, Nate came packed with a giant suitcase and a gym bag full of belongings seeing as he was going to be staying at your house for the foreseeable future. It wasn't really discussed just how long Nate would be staying, but you didn't feel like you needed to. You were happy to welcome your brother into your home for however long and could tell that Auston and Mia didn't hate the idea either. 

Nate made the five and a half-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto, getting to your house around noon, then crashed in one of the guest room he was claiming as his own for the duration of his stay. A couple of hours later, after he woke back up, the two of you took his car to Pearson so you could pick up Mya, then went back home to spend the rest of the evening hanging out. 

Mia refused to leave her aunt and uncle's side until she had to go to bed; she was just so happy to have them around again. Nate and Mya ended up being the ones to put her to bed that night before joining you and Auston back downstairs to watch a movie before you all soon went to bed as well. 

The next morning, you were up early so you could start making breakfast for everyone and get all the last minute things organized for Mia's party. Normally you'd spend some of your weekends doing freelance writing and editing, seeing as the rest of the week was consumed by your PR job, which luckily you were able to work from home doing both. But this weekend, you took off entirely and left open, so you could spend time with your loved ones and, of course,  celebrate your daughter all over again. 

Not long after you first got downstairs, Auston soon entered the kitchen carrying a still sleepy-looking Mia as she leaned against his shoulder and tiredly knuckled at her eyes. 

"Morning, mommy," she greeted, her voice a little scratchy once she and Auston were beside you, then leaned away from her dad so she could hug you. 

You were at the end of being 20 weeks pregnant, and your bump was enough proof of that. Every day you were convinced that your stomach got larger, but more importantly, you just couldn't believe that you were already halfway to meeting your new baby, and you were so excited. 

Mia became accustomed to resting against your bump whenever you held her. She claimed that 'her' baby was in there and would talk to your stomach from time to time as well. She was taking the idea of you being pregnant really well, even though she didn't fully understand it, but you couldn't be happier about it. 

"Good morning, sweet girl," you replied, then took her from Auston and held her on your side. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah," she told you, then leaned against your shoulder just like she had with Auston. "Breakfast?"

"Yes, I'm making pancakes. Your favourite. Did you brush your teeth with daddy?"

"Yup!"

"Good job, baby," you responded, then placed a series of kisses on her cheek, earning yourself a series of giggles as she squirmed in your hold. Once she stopped moving around, you gave her a little squeeze and looked at your husband, who was looking towards you and Mia but seemed to be a little zoned out, then smiled. "Aus?"

"Hmm?" Auston asked and shook his head slightly before looking towards you.

"You seem in deep thought."

"Oh, uh, just thinking about everything, I guess. Mainly about how much I love my two girls, though."

You gave him a look in response, but he just smiled then engulfed both you and Mia in a bear hug. 

"Daddy!" Mia groaned and pushed him away, but she was trying to get a reaction from him with the way she was smiling at him.

"Mia! I'm hurt," he gasped as he moved away from the two of you and held a hand over his heart in fake pain. 

"What a drama queen," you whispered to Mia, making her giggle again. However, before she could respond, a genuine gasp left her mouth, which had both you and Auston on high alert. 

"Mama," she whined as she clung onto you but began squirming in your hold, moving her leg away from where it was resting against your stomach. "I don't like that."

She then looked down at your bump, which you had to admit, felt a little weird for some reason and then it all clicked. What you and Mia were feeling was your baby moving for the first time. 

"Oh, Mia," you started with a small laugh, then glanced towards Auston, who looked very confused. "That's the baby moving around."

"Wait, are you serious?" Auston asked, then moved towards you and went to place his hand on your stomach, his face lighting right up when he felt the movements too. "They're moving."

"They're moving," you repeated, then let out a small sob once Auston looked at you again. It simply wasn't possible for you not to cry during that moment, but at least they were happy tears. Your baby moving was the reminder you needed to know that every hill you've had to climb and will continue to during this pregnancy will be so worth it in the end. 

Auston then had you engulfed in another hug and kissed you sweetly before anything else can be said. However, it wasn't long until the moment was ruined by your two-year old. 

"Baby, stop!" Mia exclaimed, then reached for Auston again so she wouldn't have to feel the baby any longer. 

"Do you not want to feel your baby, mini?" Auston asked as he took Mia and tried not to laugh. 

"No," she replied grumpily, then hid her face against his chest, making both you and him unable to contain your laughter anymore. 

"What's going on?" Mya's voice spoke, causing you to glance towards the doorway into the kitchen just as she walked in.

"Tee!" Mia said excitedly, then reached towards your sister. Auston set her down, and she sped right over to Mya, who wasted no time in scooping her up and holding her close.

"Hi, bestie!" Mya replied, then hugged her niece before looking at you and Auston. "Mmm, it smells good in here. What're you making?"

"We've got some pancakes, sausage, bacon, fruit and toast right now," you told her, then glanced towards Auston. "If you guys want eggs, by all means, but I cannot do the smell of them right now."

"That's fine. I can make some if you want to go get dressed," Auston suggested and leaned down to peck your lips again. "That way, you won't have to smell them."

"Deal."

"Mia, wanna go wake up your Uncle Nate?" Mya asked. 

"Yeah!" Mia replied, smiling widely as Mya carried her out of the room. 

You then looked at Auston, who was smirking at you before shaking your head again and heading upstairs with Frank to get changed into the outfit you planned on wearing that day. 

About 45 minutes later, you were changed, had eaten breakfast with your family and were now getting everything organized before everyone began arriving at your house for the party. Once you were all done eating and everyone helped clean up, Nate and Mya started getting dressed to go outside. 

"You guys going somewhere?" You asked the two of them as you stepped into the foyer from the living room. 

"Uh, yeah, we just have to go pick something up real quick," Nate explained, awkwardly glancing towards Mya as if silently asking for help as he did so. 

"Ok, weirdos. Everyone's going to start getting here around 4."

"We'll be back in like an hour," Mya stated, then glared at Nate, making it known that the two of them were up to something.

"Y'all are shady," you teased. "Where are you even going?"

"Hey, Mia, want to come with us?" Nate asked, then tried to glance around you to see where Mia was in the living room still with Auston—smoothly changing the subject.  

"Ok!" Your daughter replied, then came running into the foyer and over to her aunt and uncle. 

"You can't just take my kid," you scoffed. 

"We'll be right back," Mya said again, then started helping Mia put on her coat and boots. "She'll be fine."

"Babe, they're right," Auston spoke up as he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your middle. "She'll be fine with them. You know that."

"Fine," you grumbled and leaned back against Auston. "But not for too long. Mia's going to need a nap still before people start getting here. Also, just take my car, so you don't have to move her car seat."

"Sounds good," Nate responded as he opened the front door, then held his hand out for Mia to take, and the two of them walked out of the house together. 

"See ya!" Mya said, then went outside after the other two and closed the door behind her, leaving you and Auston alone in the house with Frank.

"They're up to something," you told Auston, then turned around in his hold so you could face each other. 

"When aren't they?" Auston chuckled. "I swear those two are always plotting."

"You've got a point."

He smiled at that, which soon turned into a smirk. 

"I didn't get the chance to say how good you look, baby."

"Oh," you replied softly, then glanced down at your outfit. You weren't wearing anything spectacular for the party, just a pair of ripped maternity jeans that fit you really well and a black off the shoulder long-sleeved shirt that admittedly did make your boobs look good. The outfit was accessorized with a gold necklace with a little circular disc that had an Aquarius symbol on it, Mia's zodiac sign that Steph gifted you on your birthday the year Mia was born, along with a bracelet Auston got you as a wedding gift. Your hair was in simple waves, but it seemed so soft and was glowing, which tied everything together. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that he was right. You did look good. 

Auston told you that you were beautiful every day, but this was the first day in a while that you actually felt that way. Every one who would be at Mia's party knew you were pregnant, so you didn't feel the need to hide it. Sure, you knew you didn't have to hide your pregnancy regardless, but with your loved ones, you felt comfortable enough to let your pregnancy glow really show. 

You then moved your gaze back to Auston and smiled. 

"Thank you, babe," you told him and welcomed the way his hands lingered on your waist as he pulled you closer. 

"Do you think we have time to go upstairs and, well, you know," he suggested as he looked down at you with heavy eyes full of lust. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, pondering what he was proposing for a moment, then grinned and took his hand to lead him up to your bedroom. 

"Yes, but let's make it quick."

About an hour later, after you and Auston were done with your activities upstairs, the two of you went back down to the living room and cuddled on the couch with Frank as you both waited for Nate, Mya and Mia to return home.

Not too long after that, you heard a car pull into the driveway and knew they were back. You and Auston didn't move from your spot until the front door opened. Mia's giggles filled the house, which instantly made you smile as you shifted out of Auston's hold and got up from the couch, but your mouth soon dropped open when you turned around to look into the foyer and saw a familiar blonde standing there holding your daughter. 

"Lexie?" You asked and covered your mouth as tears began pricking at your eyes as you rushed around the couch so you could greet your best friend. 

Lexie was your oldest friend. The two of you met when her family moved into a house down the street when you were both eight years old and have been inseparable ever since. She had been by your side for as long as you could remember and never strayed away. Lexie played a major role in helping you cope with your mom's death when you were 13. She was with you through the shitshow that your life felt like after you found out your ex-boyfriend, Chris, who you had been with since you were 16, was cheating on you and broke up with him five months before you met Auston and stuck around for everything in between. Nate and Mya called her their sister, and Mitch called her his honorary twin. That's how close the two of you were. 

She was also your roommate all through university, saw your relationship with Auston form and was just someone you've confided in for most of your life. Almost 20 years after the two of you first met, you were both still so incredibly close. Even though she moved to the States after you both graduated, that did nothing to strain your friendship. She was a bridesmaid in your wedding, a prominent figure in Mia's life regardless of the distance and just truly one of the best friends you've ever had. 

You and Lexie would talk at least once a week, and during your conversation the weekend prior, she apologized for not being able to come back to Toronto for Mia's birthday. It was apparent that she felt terrible, and sure, you were bummed you wouldn't be able to see your best friend, but you weren't upset. You understood that she couldn't make it, but now she was standing in your foyer, and you didn't know how to act. 

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing here?" Lexie scoffed and winked at you as she gave Mia a little squeeze. "Couldn't miss this little girl's second birthday, now could I?"

"Lexie, mama!" Mia said excitedly and couldn't stop smiling, making you feel like your heart could burst. 

Nate and Mya then peaked their heads in through the door, smiling widely. 

"Surprise!" They said in unison before coming into the house carrying bags. You then heard more doors close outside and felt confused once again. 

"I hope you don't mind, but why we really needed your car was because we needed it to pick up some other people from the airport too," Nate explained, then nodded towards the doorway just as Ema walked through the door with the rest of Auston's family not too far behind. 

You were full-on sobbing by that point and were quick in turning to hide against Auston's chest so no one would have to see your ugly cry as Auston laughed and wrapped his arms around you. 

"I'm surprised you all were able to pull it off," he said, then kissed the top of your head. 

"Wait, you were in on this?" You scolded as you moved away to look up at him, but as he grinned at you, you couldn't even pretend to be mad, then hugged him again. "Thank you, Auston."

After that, you pulled away from your husband to hug Lexie and Auston's family before everyone got settled in. 

When you and Auston first moved into your home in Toronto, it always felt big, but that was exactly what you wanted. Although there was one less bedroom now that the one across the hall from Mia's room was being transformed into a nursery, there was still enough room for everyone. Nate claimed one of the guest bedrooms on the main floor to sleep in for the duration of his stay at your house, then Mya and Lexie took the other main floor bedroom, which they would share for the next couple of days until they both had to leave. Auston's family took the basement, which was finished with two bedrooms, a washroom and a pullout couch in the living area. 

It was a full house but in the best way possible and only got better when everyone started arriving for Mia's party. 

Mitch and Steph arrived first, naturally, and you were quick in finding out that they too were in on Lexie, surprising you. Mitchy then immediately scooped up Mia as she came running into the foyer to greet him and Steph. He made his way down the hall towards the kitchen with her to say hi to everyone, leaving you and Steph to give each other a knowing look on how it'd be a while before anyone else got the chance to hang out with the birthday girl. 

Mitch's parents and brother Chris arrived not too long after, so did some friends and guys from the team along with their significant others and kids. Then the party really began. 

Mia loved having so many people she knew and loved around and had no issue being the centre of attention either. Once Mitch finally set her down again, she immediately went over to Freddie, Will and Mo, three of her favourite guys, and just sat on Fred's lap, completely content as he continued the conversation he was having. 

 An hour or so went by, and Mia was still living her best life. You and Auston knew that she would go to sleep smoothly that night because of how exhausted she'd be, but she was having so much fun, so it was definitely worth it. 

After everyone had something to eat and those who weren't driving grabbed another drink, you all gathered in the living room and dining room so Mia could open the excessive amount of gifts she had waiting for her. She got equipped, putting on her Prada bucket hat as she sat on Alex's lap then dug right in. 

Spoiled was an easy way of putting it when it came to the things Mia received for her birthday, but even then, she didn't let it get to her head. After every gift she opened, Alex would tell her who it was from, and Mia would climb off her lap, go over to whoever the present was from to hug them and say thank you before going back to her aunt and opening the next thing. 

You and Auston stood in the doorway, watching it all unfold. He stood behind you, his arms wrapped around your front again as you leaned back against him, his head gently resting on top of yours. You were pretty sure you saw Steph taking a picture of the two of you out of the corner of your eye, but you brushed it off as you shifted and placed a soft peck to Auston's bicep. 

"I still can't believe she's two," Auston said, thinking his voice was only loud enough for you to hear but was greatly mistaken. 

"Great, here we go," Lexie started from where she stood a few feet away, then looked over to where Mitch, Steph, Nate and Mya were all standing and held up her half-empty wine glass. "Drink."

They all took a drink, and that's when you noticed that many others in the room did too. 

"Hey," Auston whined as he looked around at everyone. "What's going on?"

"We all made a drinking game," Will spoke up. "Whenever you get sulky about Mia being a year older, we have to drink."

"I'm allowed to be, ok!" Auston defended, meanwhile you were trying not to cry laugh. 

"That's another drink," Mitchy stated, then cheered his drink with Mo before they all took a sip again. 

Auston looked so offended, which only made it better as everyone started laughing. 

"Babe, do you see what they're doing to us?" He asked and looked down at you. 

"This isn't about Y/N. This is about you," Bre told him. 

"Yeah, we only drink when it's you getting emotional," Steph elaborated. "Y/N is pregnant. She gets a free pass."

"Well, I'll just keep my mouth shut then, I guess," Auston grumbled, then went back to leaning against you and lowered his voice. "Even though she's going to be my mini forever."

"Drink!"

~*~

Almost a week later, you found yourself laying on the bed in the same building your doctor was in, about to get an ultrasound so you could see how your baby was doing and find out their gender. 

It was just a regular Friday afternoon, and you hadn't done a whole lot that morning, but you were exhausted. You had trouble falling asleep the night before because you got so nervous. Although you were just having a regular checkup with your doctor then getting the ultrasound done, you couldn't help but feel anxious because you kept worrying you were going be told something you didn't want to hear yet again when it came to you and your baby. 

You were scared, to put it simply. But luckily for you, Auston was there. 

Bye week had come to an end, and Auston was back playing games again, but they were at home. After the game he was to play the following day, the Leafs would be on the road again. But you got almost two full weeks of your husband being at home the entire time, so you weren't going to be greedy about it either. 

Auston had a practice that morning, so the plan was for him to meet you downtown for your appointments after. Your first appointment wasn't until 2pm, so as you waited until then, you, Mia, Nate, Steph and Lexie all got lunch downtown with Auston's family. Auston's family was flying back to Arizona that weekend, so it was just them and Nate in the house still, but you loved it. 

Ema, Alex and Bre all joined you for a few trips to various stores as you slowly continued getting things ready for your baby's nursery, and you spent a lot of nights in the kitchen having talks with Brian about everything going on in life. You adored Auston's family, that was a known thing, and you couldn't even begin to explain how much it meant to have them around and as involved as they were.

The same went for Nate and Lexie. He'd only been staying at your house for a week, but Nate had been so helpful around the house without you even having to ask. He just did his own thing but was also there helping with chores, keeping Mia occupied while you did work and taking Frank for walks whenever he felt like stepping out of the house for a bit. Lexie only stayed at your house for a couple of nights before visiting with friends and family she hadn't seen since the last time she was in Toronto. You still saw her almost every day, though. There was even a day where you and Mia joined her in driving a couple of hours out of the city to visit her parents, who you hadn't seen in a long time. But were always like second parents to you. 

Lexie would be staying in the city for at least another week, which was terrific. You had so many people that you cared about around again, which was amazing. You still had your usual Toronto fam, too, with Mitchy, Steph and some of the other guys on the team along with their wives and girlfriends. You still got to see a lot even without going to as many games as you usually would if you felt better physically. 

You woke up that morning feeling a little lightheaded and nauseous, which you immediately assumed was because of your anemia, but you knew it was also because of your nerves. However, as the day progressed and you spent time with your loved ones, you gradually felt better about your upcoming appointments. Then when you met up with Auston after lunch, those worries went away even more. 

Just having him near did wonders for your nerves seeing as he and Mia were two of your constant reminders that everything would be alright. 

The appointment with your doctor went much better than you were expecting. She could tell you were nervous but had nothing bad to share, which made you feel like an invisible weight had been lifted from your chest. Your baby was healthy, and so were you, which is all you wanted to hear before going down a couple of floors to where you'd be getting your ultrasound done. 

Mia was so good during it all too, and Auston was a big reason for that. She was just naturally more comfortable in any setting whenever he was around. Although she wasn't a fan of all the weird-looking machines in the ultrasound room, Auston kept her calm as the two of them chatted from where they sat on the other side of the room.

"Mia, what is with you and touching my moustache today?" Auston asked, making you laugh as you turned your head towards them and continued waiting for the doctor to come in. He had a point, though. Mia had been oddly fascinated by his moustache that day and just wouldn't stop poking it. Just after he said that she touched it again. "Mini!"

"Caterpillar, daddy," she replied casually, making Auston's mouth fall open in disbelief, and you gasp as you tried to contain your laughter. 

"Excuse me, did you just say my moustache looked like a caterpillar?"

"Yup," she confirmed, earning a scoff from her father. "Not pretty, though."

"I, I don't even know what to say to that," he responded, feeling speechless as he looked towards you for help.

"Don't look at me," you chuckled. "I haven't been telling her that, but I think I know who has."

"Hmm, looks like someone has been spending too much time with her uncle," Auston said, knowing what you were implying as he looked back to Mia. "The next time Uncle Nate says that mini, you tell him that at least your daddy can grow a moustache, unlike him."

"Oh, my God," you groaned, still smiling but soon had to recollect yourself as the doctor came in and did your ultrasound. 

The ultrasound also went really well. It didn't take too long. The doctor was great and even let Mia come over to stand next to the bed and hold your hand as it all happened. Then you, her and Auston were able to go back home together, having further confirmation that your baby was doing ok and their gender. 

You were thrilled. Both you and Auston cried a little bit after finding out and couldn't stop smiling as you explained what it all meant to Mia. 

Once the three of you got home, you all went upstairs to your bedroom and decided to lay down together. No one else was home, everyone was out still, and you knew they wouldn't be back until closer to dinnertime, which gave the perfect opportunity for a little family nap. 

After you changed into some comfy clothes, you and Mia got all snuggled in bed together as Frank curled up at the end of it, and Auston went into the ensuite to take a quick shower. Mia was fading fast as she cuddled you, resting against your bump and fighting to keep her eyes open as you mindlessly played with her curls. 

A few minutes later, Auston emerged from the ensuite, but Mia was already asleep. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of his two girls and wasted no time walking over to the bed. You went to shift to look at him better, but he quickly stopped you.

"Wait, no, can you stay like that for a sec?"

"Oh," you replied, confused, but still did as he asked. 

Auston then grabbed his phone and held it above where you and Mia were lying so he could snap a picture of the two of you. You chuckled and immediately looked down towards Mia so that your face would be covered by your hair a little bit. Once he was done taking the picture, he sat down and looked towards you again. 

"She's really going to be a big sister soon," he said disbelievingly and shook his head. "Like we've known for months now, but I just still can't wrap my head around it."

"Me neither," you told him and smiled softly. "Everything is going to be so different, but in the best possible way. Hell, even this pregnancy has been different. I'm not even referring to what I've been going through, either. This has really been able to stay our little secret aside from our loved ones, and that just feels good. We're going to be the ones to share our news, not anyone else."

"Exactly. Speaking of that, I think I have an idea for how we can share our news before we lose our chance to do so."

"It's overly dramatic, isn't it?"

"A little bit," he admitted. "But in a good way. Might end up breaking the internet a little bit, though."

"Auston," you started, feeling a little unsure. 

"Only if you're ok with it, of course. We don't have to."

After he explained his idea, you shook your head at how wild it was. 

"Babe, that'll literally be how our friends and family find out what we're having too. You know that, right?"

"I do," Auston nodded. "Which makes me want to do it a bit more. I'm feeling kind of chaotic."

"I can tell," you responded as he crawled under the blankets on the other side of Mia, then looked back to you. "But, if that's what you want to do, then sure. I'm just glad it's on our terms."

"Me too, just get ready for all the calls and texts from everyone."

"Oh, I'm ready."

The two of you fell silent as Auston went on his phone, then a couple of moments later, your phone lit up with a notification saying that you'd been tagged in a picture on Instagram. Although you already knew what it was, you still gave Auston a look, then unlocked your phone to see what the picture was of and felt speechless as you took it in. 

The photo was the one he'd just taken about ten minutes prior, and it was beautiful. Your baby blue sweater stuck out against the white bedding you laid on and looked aesthetically pleasing with the way it matched the tiny elastic that was holding Mia's hair away from her face as she slept. Mia's face was only partially visible as she laid next to you with her arm draped over your bump. Your face was in it more than Mia's was, which you preferred, and you were looking down at Mia with a huge smile, and even you had to admit, it was a lovely picture. Auston sure was getting better with using portrait mode.

However, this picture wasn't just announcing your pregnancy to the world. It also revealed something else that Auston typed out as the photo's caption. 

Baby boy Matthews, coming soon. See you in June, little man. 💙

[givemeweasley]

Back To You

Fred Weasley x Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: fluff and angst (sorry bout that), there’s also mentions of death

A/N: this ones not as long but I’m currently reading Deathly Hollows (yes I know what happens unfortunately) and I had to write this out because I couldn’t focus until it was. 

Back To You pt. 2

-----

“I don’t think you should come.” Fred sighed, crossing his arms.

 You were both sitting on Freds bed at the Burrow the day before you were going to be sent to take Harry. The other Weasleys were running around pretending not to want to listen in on your conversation. The only one who was genuinely busy was Mrs. Weasley in preparation for Fleur and Bills wedding in five days. 

“Fred, I’m not crazy about the idea either. But, Harry is our friend.” You tried to get Fred to meet your eyes, but he was determined to stare out the window.

“Mundungus could take your spot-”

“No one trusts him. There’s no point in risking it, especially when I’m here and willing to do it.” 

Fred uncrossed his arms and ran a hand through his already messy hair. He stood up, beginning to pace the small room. “I don’t like it, Y/N.” His footsteps echoed. “It already feels like half the Weasleys are going and that just means less could come back.” 

He stopped and looked at you. “If you didn’t come back-”

You abruptly stood and gripped Fred’s cheeks between your palms. “Fred Weasley.” You licked your lips. “When have I ever not come back to you, Freddie?” Fred relaxed a fraction and closed his eyes. Your hands lowered and came to wrap around his midsection as his arms wrapped around your shoulders. 

“Never, love.” He pressed a kiss to your hair. “Just don’t start now.” Fred’s kisses started to lower. From your forehead, down until he reached your lips. You groaned against his mouth as he started to back you both up towards the bed. 

You began to laugh against his lips. “Fred-” You mumbled. “Fred!” You pulled away still giggling. But Fred wasn’t listening, he just fastened his lips to your neck and pushed you back onto his childhood bed. He climbed on top of you and swept down to kiss you again. Only your hands pressed against his chest pushing him away stopped him.

“What, woman? Can I not kiss my beautiful girlfriend?” The bastard was smirking. 

“Not if it leads to… things when your family is in the house!” You squealed as Fred pushed your hands aside and continued to kiss your neck, moving down to your collarbone. “Fred…” You groaned again.

 His lips left you for only a second as he looked up and smirked. He pulled out his hand and pointed it at the door without looking at it. “Muffliato!” He winked. “Problem solved.”

The complaints stopped pretty quickly after that. 

-----

You rode on the back of Mad-Eye’s broom with him. Your heart was pounding as your arms were wrapped tightly around Mad-Eye’s waist. Fear had been a pretty daily companion for a while now. Ever since He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named came back. You couldn’t help but think about all the outcomes of the night. There were a lot of different combinations of who could die and who could live. Even you knew it was unlikely that you all came out of this unscathed. As long as Harry made it back safe, that was all you cared about. 

Well, that was a lie. 

You wanted everyone back safe, even at the cost of your own life. You knew that much. Especially Fred. You knew you couldn’t live without Fred, but you knew Fred would be alright without you. Not that you intended on dying that night. 

Did anyone ever intend on dying? 

You ignored that thought. 

Finally, Mad-Eye landed the both of you in front of 4 Privet Drive. Everyone hopped off their brooms or Thestral while Hagrid jumped from his motorbike. The lot of you strode inside, finally getting the chance to see where it was Harry grew up. Well, at least for you it was the first time.

 Fred immediately came to stand by your side, his hand wrapping around yours as Mad-Eye explained the plan to Harry. It was no surprise when he didn’t like it. “If you think I’m going to let six people risk their lives-” Harry started.

“-because it’s the first time for all of us.” Ron replied rolling his eyes.

Fred leaned down to whisper in your ear. “You’d think after a time or two he’d get used to the fact that we’re helping him of our own free will.” 

You tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. “Would you?” Fred held his tongue at your response, choosing instead to respond to George’s comment.

“Yeah, thirteen of us against one bloke who’s not allowed to use magic; we’ve got no chance.” Fred said, attempting to keep a straight face. You sent an elbow into his side that caused him to laugh rather than grimace. 

With a bit more arguing, Harry finally conceded and pulled out some of his hair for the Polyjuice Potion. Each of you received a small teacup filled with the golden substance. Before you knocked yours back you grabbed Fred by the collar and pulled him down to meet your lips. 

“Sorry.” You shrugged. “I didn’t want to have to kiss Harry as Harry.” Fred only laughed before drinking his, so you followed suit. The potion didn’t taste bad, surprisingly, it tasted like chocolate frogs.

 Suddenly, you felt your limbs grow and stretch. You hair warped and changed as you slowly became Harry Potter. You shifted from foot to foot feeling out your new body. You looked at Fred, who now looked like Harry. Then at George, who was also Harry. 

The both of them laughed before saying at the same time, “Wow- we’re identical!” 

You had to slap your hand over your mouth to keep from laughing. 

“I dunno, though, I think I’m still better-looking.” Fred winked over at you. 

“Psh, George looks pretty dashing if I may say so.” You raised a brow as George shot Fred a smug look.

“Can’t disagree with your girlfriend there.”

With that, Mad-Eye was shoving a bag of clothes at the group of Harrys. You grabbed a random t-shirt and jeans and did your best to preserve Harry’s modesty. Plus, you really didn’t want to have that image scarred in your brain anymore than he wanted all his friends to know what his junk looked like. 

With everyone changed, Moody began dividing everyone up. You were to go with him. Fred with Mr. Weasley. Harry with Hagrid. 

When the time finally came, you all piled outside and got into position. You frantically searched for Fred’s gaze, even behind Harrys eyes.

 Luckily, he was already looking at you.

I love you. He mouthed.

Stay safe, Freddie. You mouthed back.

 And with that, you all shot into the sky. If your grip on Moody had been tight before, it was nothing compared to now. 

“Don’t worry, Potter. We’ll make it alright.” Mad-Eye said over the wind. You pursed your lips, a tight feeling in your gut. But he was right. The first few minutes of flying was peaceful. 

Until they weren’t.

Out of nowhere Death Eaters were circling you. 

Voldemort in the middle.

 Moody took off like a lightning bolt, you whipped out your wand and began to shout spells left and right. Barely aware of what was coming out of your mouth. You thanked Godric for the DA meetings which left you more equipped than you would’ve been otherwise.

“Impedimenta! Impedimenta! Petrificus Totalus!” You shouted pointing your wand in the direction the Death Eaters seemed to be. Fear raced through every vein in your body as flashes of green and red shot out all around you.

 You could hear Mad-Eye shouting curses and jinxes at the Death Eaters. You knew it was fruitless, when you turned to see Voldemort pointing his wand at you. 

“Avada Kedavra!” His voice hissed, the green light flashing towards you. Time slowed in that moment. 

You could see the green spell slowly making its way to you. But before it reached you, an unexplainable pain seized your body. You tipped backwards off the broom as your body shook with pain. You could barely focus as you watched the green light hit Mad-Eye. 

And then as if someone had hit play, everything came back in motion. Voldemort and the Death-Eaters disappeared all at once as you saw Moody’s body falling alongside you. You were screaming. The Cruciatus curse was reeking havoc on every inch of your body, yet it didn’t compare to the sight of dead Moody falling with you thousands of feet to the ground below. You knew you would die. But your fingers were still tightly gripping your wand. You had maybe seconds before you hit the ground. 

Fighting against the grinding of your teeth from pain, you spat. “Protego!” In hopes that it would shield you from the ground. It was your only hope.

 As you slammed into the shield, you almost blacked out. You managed to mutter one more spell before you left the world. 

Your last thoughts were on a boy with beautiful red hair and kind brown eyes, whom you loved more than anyone in the world.

-----

Bill and Fleur stumbled in at last. Mr. Weasley ran over to check up on them. But Bill looked pale and shook his head.

“Mad-Eye is dead.” Bill choked out. Fred and George stopped laughing.

 Fred stood up from his brothers side. Bill seemed not to want to meet his eyes. His head hung. 

Fred opened his mouth, but no words came out. Mr. Weasley seemed to understand his dilemma, swallowing, and asked the question no one else seemed to want to ask. 

“And Y/N?” 

Fleur released a wretched sob and clung to Bill's arm. Bill only shook his head.

 No one seemed to want to look at Fred who was still standing. George attempted to sit up and grab Fred's hand, but Fred’s hand just hung limply in his brother's firm grip. 

“What happened?” Mr. Weasley choked out. 

Bill cleared his throat. “They appeared out of nowhere. Y/N and Moody started firing of spells and jinxes when Voldemort aimed a the killing curse at Y/N-”

Fred collapsed to his knees, but Bill pressed on.

“But another Death Eater hit her with the Cruciatus curse and she fell off the broom. The Killing curse hit Moody who then fell off the broom with her. I- I tried to see if she was still alive-” 

“‘Zey were everywhere.” Fleur mumbled, still wiping tears from her eyes. “I ‘eard her scream cut off when she ‘it za ground.” Fleur stared at the floor like she would be hearing that sound as long as she lived. 

“No.” Fred groaned from the floor, his hands pressed over his temples as he gripped his hair seemingly on the verge of tearing it out. “No.” His cry felt as if someone's heart had been torn out of their chest and crushed. Which was very likely how Fred felt. Tears began to fall from his eyes as he sobbed openly on the floor of the living room.

 Mr. and Mrs. Weasley converged around him almost immediately. But before they could wrap their arms around him, his head snapped up. His eyes were red, his face contorted into one of absolute agony. 

“Why didn’t you go back for her?!” Fred shouted, his voice cracking. “She could’ve been alive-” But his voice broke under the weight of his cries. 

Mr. Weasley wrapped his arms around his shaking son, as George looked on helplessly from the couch. “Fred, there was nothing they could’ve done.” Mr. Weasley mumbled quietly. 

But Fred could only cry and moan in pain. After a few minutes, George couldn’t stand it and despite the pain, shifted off the couch and pushed his parents aside as he pulled Fred into his embrace. Fred and George sat there clinging to each other as they both cried for the girl Fred was in love with. For the girl that died.

 -----

Fred had been doing nothing but laying in bed for four days. He knew Fleur and Bills wedding was the next day, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be excited about anything at the moment. His chest felt empty. He should be glad no one else died. That’s what he kept trying to tell himself, but to no avail.

 It’s not fair. 

She said she would always come back to me. 

Fred tried desperately to cry, but his tear ducts were dry. He was all cried out, it would seem. Every now and then, someone would stop by and knock on his door to make sure he was alright. But Fred couldn’t answer.

 He could barely talk to George.

 A loud commotion rang out from the living room beneath him. Fred simply turned over on his bed, facing away from the door. Fred couldn’t take another guest for the wedding. Not now. Not when the very thought of marriage made him sick. 

But the voices were slowly becoming more frantic and clearer. 

“Wait!” His mothers voice rang the clearest. “Please, dear! You shouldn't be-”

 A knock resounded on his door. 

He ignored it.

The knock sounded again.

 “Dear!” His mothers voice called.

A loud thud echoed into his room from the hall. Fred whipped out of his bed, wanting to know what was so important they had to bother him. Fred wrenched his bedroom door open to see practically the entire Weasley household a few feet back from his door crammed into the hall glancing from him to the floor in front of him. Fred furrowed his brow. 

A hand gripped his ankle. 

He looked down and tears gathered in his eyes. 

“Told you I’d always come back to you, Freddie.” 

Taglist: @huffledor-able541​

let me know if you want to be on the taglist :)

[evenmoregreener]

Questionnaire of Laruku from B-PASS magazine (March. 1995)

Another translation of a translation from Russian. This "interview" was translated for Russian l'arc fan-club in 2018. I haven't found any other English translations on the net, so I decided that it will be interesting for you to read something like this. All credits are down below, big thank you to the original translator, what a great woman! 

The original Russian text has some typos plus English isn't my first language, that's why text might seem a bit of strange. About special signs: (translator's note) - notes of an original translator; "*" - my own notes; (?) - neither me nor the original translator understood the context. Please, enjoy!

1. Date of birth Hyde: 13th of Friday Tetsu: 3 of October Ken: 28th of November, Sagittarius Sakura: Secret 2. Blood type Н: Color of the blood - red Т: А or 0 К: АВ S: The hot blood of a man runs in my veins 3. Place of birth Н: Jelsarem's Rod Т: Kansai К: Alaska’s native S: Kingdom of Nerima (Nerima is a ward in Tokyo, where Sakura was born - translator's note) 4. Height, weight, shoe size, visual acuity Н: “?” Т: Small, light, 24,5 – 25 cm К: 178 cm, 56 kg, shoe – 25,5 cm S: 5 feet 8 inches, 120 feet, 10 inches, about 1,0 and 1,0 5. Body size Н: As in the previous Т: I don’t know К: I prefer В 85, W 58 H 88 S: “Nice body” 6. Which musical instruments and how many years do you play? Н: I've been playing guitar for 9 years Т: 11 years on bass К: From about high school S: Secret 7. Where did you work? Н: Mister Donats Т: At the record store К: Jewelry store, tutor S: Secret 8. Skills Н: Shaolin martial arts, second dan Т: Calligraphy К: Youth baseball S: Secret 9. Hobby and special abilities (besides music) Н: Bite Т: Radio controlled models К: Tetris S: To make people do something

10. Philosophy of life Н: Do not stick sticks into the rice Т: I sleep today for tomorrow, tomorrow I sleep for today. (a phrase from manga - translator's note) К: Hurry slowly S: Live today 11. Real name Н: Jiji Т: Teppi К: Jakenosuke S: Sakurajima Samuel Tarot

12. Favorite musicians Н: Depeche mode Т: Me К: The The (an English new wave band — translator's note) S: Ishihara Yūjirō (Japanese actor, singer, film producer - translator's note) 13. Favorite celebrity Н: Takeda Tetsuya (Japanese singer and actor - translator's note) Т: Me К: Isshiki Sae (Japanese actress — translator's note) S: Saburo Ishikura (Japanese actor - translator's note) 14. Respected people Н: Yoshitada Hirai * Т: Me К: Professor Ichinose S: Takakura Ken (Japanese actor - translator's note) 15. Favorite films and films that you’ve recently watched Н: The Omen. Recently watched Jurassic Park. Т: Favorite film – The Outsider, recently watched “Cría cuervos” (Spanish film of 1976 - translator's note) К: Perfect World, cried when watched, although usually I don't cry during films S: Jingi Naki Tatakai (Battles Without Honor and Humanity) 16. Favorite books (including manga) and books that you’ve recently read Н: Stephen King. Recently read compilation that’s called Night Souls (?). Pretty interesting. Т: «Harper’s Bazaar», Vogue Italia, recently read Matsumoto Hitoshi’s “Isho”. К: «Kirin», about motorcycles, novels for men. It’s a bit of awkward, but I buy Young Rose which I love to read for a long time. S: I can't list everything. 17. Alcohol and tobacco Н: Both, about 10 years already. Alcohol – a little, tobacco – one piece. ** Т: I don’t smoke. Alcohol – yes, except sake, I drink rarely though. К: I love Kassis, always have it at home, drink 2-3 times a week. I don’t smoke right now. S: Any alcohol, I can drink a lot. Per day I smoke more than two packs (Seven Star) 18. Do you love animals? Do you have any pets? Н: I do, but I have allergy. Т: I do. I had 5 dogs and one cat, now I don’t. К: I love obedient and loving. S: More than pets I love girls. 19. The concert that left the strongest impression Н: GASTUNK in EGG PLANT (legendary club in Osaka of 80’s - translator's note) Т: Shiki-Yakou (the name of tour Dead End of 1985) К: In Aichi Kinrou Kaikan (concert hall in Nagoya — translator's note) S: Radio concert Anikies (Dankon Anikies – fictional band that was made up by ken, sakura and kyo (Die in Cries), when ken and sakura were guests at kyo’s radio program «kyo MIDNIGHT　ROCK　CITY» on 9th of December, 1994 - translator's note) 20. Three most beloved albums Н: Some Great Reward of Depeche Mode, God’s Own Medicine of The Mission, La Vie En Rose of D'erlanger*** Т: Laruku’s new album, Tierra, Dune К: Black Sabath – Heaven & Hell; Cure - Disintegration; Kisugi Takao (Japanese singer and composer - translator's note) - Best collection S: Secret 21. Recently bought CDs and your impressions of them Н: No Т: Second Coming/The Stone Roses К: Suede (Britpop band - translator's note) S: Secret 22. Concert that you visited recently Н: Haven't been on the concerts for about a year, but sometimes before Shibuya live watched Modern Choki Chokies (a Japanese pop band from the early 1990s - translator's note) Т: Echobelly (a British rock band — translator's note) К: kyo-chan’s solo S: Secret 23. TV shows that you often watch and radio shows that you often listen to Н: Doramas and MIDNIGHT ROCK CITY Т: TV – BEAT UK, I don't listen to radio К: Yoru-ni dakarete (dorama of 1994 - translator's note), though it has already ended. I don’t listen to radio, since I don’t have one S: I’m interested neither in TV nor radio 24. Favorite dish, favorite color and flower Н: Japanese cuisine. Monochrome color. Flowers that grow well in an apartment, even if they are not watered Т: Sushi, tillandsia, cacti, I like all of the colors К: Favorite dish – ice cream, caviar, sushi. Favorite flower – orchid. Favorite color – silver S: Anton rib (dish that was mentioned in Kinnikuman - translator's note), sakura, black 25. Musical instruments that you can play and ones that you want to learn to play Н: Guitar, bass, acoustic guitar, would like to learn to play flute. Т: Several guitars and basses К: Guitar, bass, synthesizer. Would like to learn how to play saxophone S: Variety which you can find in stores 26. Thing that you want the most right now Н: Hot blood of some girl. Т: Sharp Zaurus P1-5000 К: Onsen, pool S: “?” 27. How do you spend your weekend? Н: Sleep Т: Vacantly К: Go back and forth S: Stay under the waterfall 28. What do you do when you are all alone at home? Н: Sleep and writing lyrics Т: Play the guitar, listen to music К: Watch TV… S: Drumming Japanese drums 29. A dream that you have seen lately. Н: Back at night souls of dead sheep were hurrying through the window, I was worried where they are going. I told Sakura: when the sheep will come back, let’s go after them, but they didn’t come back. Т: A dream where I somehow ended up eating sushi in America. К: Relocation S: In loincloth and a bandage on the head I wandered in a stormy sea. And that was awesome! 30. Most attractive feature Н: Compact, compact and compact Т: “?” К: Ankles. Strong side: strong legs. Weak side: often catch cold. S: 31. Role in the band. Н: Probably, bringing everybody together Т: President К: Am-group (?) S: Educator of the head of singing monkeys 32. Describe in one word what Laruku is Н: Cloudy sky after heavy rain Т: Rock band К: Rainbow S: Soul of a man 33. What do you expect from the other band members? Н: I’d like everybody to stay as healthy as they are now Т: Perfection К: Rainbow! S: Soul of a man 34. Where do you want to go abroad? Н: Paris Т: To America К: Any countries where I could live. To drive back and forth S: Country on the shore of the Japanese Sea 35. Where have you been? Where have you recently traveled? Н: During the vacation in September traveled to Nagano to visit Osamu's house four years later, I would like to live calmly in the district of Karuizawa station. Т: To Okinawa. It was beautiful. К: Morocco. It was hot. S: In Morocco I saw the waves of the Atlantic Ocean 36. What do you recommend to see in your hometown? Н: On the roof of Nisshou haitsu Т: A lot of yankees. К: The view on the fast stream S: Secret 37. Enjoyable things that you like during tours (except for concerts) Н: Food Т: Except for concerts, nothing (laughs) К: You can overeat S: Meet different locals with the soul of a man 38. What do you definitely do before the concert, what do you pay special attention to? Н: I am in a deep thought Т: I listen to Metallica at full volume К: Going to a toilet S: Warm up and stretch of the muscles 39. What do you pay special attention to before the interview? Н: I find out the topic Т: So as not to be late К: I try to be serious S: Worried about whether I can express and tell about my masculine soul 40. What do you carry with you all the time? Н: Watch and two bracelets because I like them Т: Nothing К: Bracelet, necklace - I feel uncomfortable without them S: Pants 41. Memorable thing Н: The bracelet that I bought when I first came abroad. I really wanted it, but pretended that I am not interested, and bargained. But since there is no set price, I don’t know if it’s cheap or not. Т: No К: Various guitars, they are associated with different memories. S: Secret 42. Three biggest news in the last six months Н: 1. Motoka’s wedding. 2. The house in front of my window was demolished. 3. Because of the house, which has now been built, the lighting has become worse. Т: Promotion trip; creation of an official fan club; award from the director! К: Couldn't go to the sea. Swam in a pool in Morocco. Was in onsen. S: Secret 43. Plans for the end of the previous year and the beginning of the new Н: Composing music and lyrics Т: Car driving and karaoke К: Continue visiting onsen. S: Polish my masculine soul 44. Your personal plans for 1995 Н: Enjoy work Т: Become an artist № 1 К: Necessarily swim in the sea. Master the butterfly S: Gain a soul of a man 45. Music that you listened to this morning or last night Н: Laruku’s new song T: Morning call from the manager K: Maribeth S: Pink Floyd 46. Dish that turns out well when you are cooking Н: Chinese cuisine Т: I can't cook К: Ikuradon S: Sashimi 47. The image of the ideal woman Н: An optimistic and domestic woman Т: No К: Fujiko-chan S: That looks like Shiraishi Hitomi (Japanese actress - translator's note) 48. Favorite sport Н: No Т: No К: No S: Judo 49. If I were born again... Н: I would like to become an astronaut and fly into space Т: I would like to be genius К: I would like to be a dolphin S: I would like to be a woman, in order to live and not talk nevermore about the "soul of a man" 50. Goals in life Н: Enjoy the rest of the years Т: It’s a secret К: Live a long life S: Soul of a man 51. One word for readers of our magazine Н: If you're not careful, I'll bite you! Т: Nice to meet you К: Hello, this is Ken. I'll continue in answer 52 S: Life in a loincloth and headband 52. Free theme Н: Woof Т: Nowadays Laruku are fully different! К: In 1996 I want to perform a lot at concerts. That is why we definitely will meet, so look forward! S: And this year there will be Anikies!

* Marked in credits to HYDE’s “Roentgen” album as an art director and designer. ** Probably he meant one pack. *** Was covered by HYDE in D’ERLANGER TRIBUTE ALBUM ~Stairway to Heaven~.

Translation from Japanese: Liubov Chachanidze aka Diana_ Translation into English by me (The Green Explosion inc.)  

Original: https://diary.ru/~l20arc-en-ciel/p216393417_anketa-iz-zhurnala-b-pass-za-mart-1995-goda.htm

[mochii0park]

 meraki; chapter 01 I jhs

Title: Meraki

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader / Jin x Reader

Part of series: Waterlilies and Japanese Bridge

Genre: angst I fluff

Pairing: literaryscout!hoseok x writer!reader

Word count: 4.5k

Summary: Throughout your whole life you lived in your sister’s shadow, watching from side-lines as she formed herself into a successful businesswoman with an envying life. Never being able to fill her shoes you gradually understood the meaning of an estranged family and the burden it carried. The twenties began slowly slipping from your grasp which had been embedded with insecurities and longing for fulfilment. Pouring your heart out to strangers with a pseudonym meraki, you began second guessing the decision when an email lands in your inbox.

Author's note: unedited, it's 2am I'll reread it tomorrow

Taglist: if you want to be added to the taglist message me

@namsope32 , @cuteipat , @ofvopemin

Masterlist

Meraki masterlist

< intro | chapter 02 >

Seokjin got engaged and moved to the USA.

Your lanky fingers hover over the keyboard, the reality of the situation still lingering in the air. The send button felt heavy, as if the action would make a shift in your universe. You have already made mends with how things were going between you, but it still felt crushing.

Sucking up the little pride you had left after lying to your friend, you push the button and lock the phone hoping to gain some sanity in your walk back to the apartment. It had been a regular night out with your friends. Coffee chitchat alongside freshly baked cookies which you got as an apology for being late.

Your mutual friends felt the need to notify you of the sudden change in Seojkin’s life, wanting you to hear it from them first. Pushing it to the back of your mind as nothing but an additional fact, you continue through the night with a smile. That lasted until you the rounder the corner.

Seokjin had been your friend through university and even later as you grew up and struggled to make ends meet.  You had been there for him when his girlfriend of five years decided to dump his ass having a shift in her feelings towards him. You mended his heart through late night talks and rides across the city. He was your kiss partner after breakups, picking up your self-esteem and gluing it together. In conclusion, Seokjin was your everything. If only the feeling was mutual.

Days before deciding to confess to him, he blasts your phone with messages about a girl that pulled all the strings in his heart and awoke oceans of memories. Kim Jisoo was his high-school crush with whom he lost contact after entering his last relationship. Reconciling through social media the two hit off where they last left it and suddenly you became the dust under his shoes. 

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months of not seeing him. With a deeply rooted pain in your chest and a jealousy for the new girl in his life you stepped down allowing Jisoo to consume his being. Afterall who were you than a mere friend, easily replaceable.

The last slap came when you drunkenly confessed, having enough of their roller coaster like relationship. That was the last time you’ve heard of Seokjin’s teary-eyed voice telling you goodbye over the phone. No matter how many times he told you this sounded like the end and the suffering he felt was unbearable; it was nothing compared to the sound of your heart shattering into pieces.

Sehun told you many times that the timing was so off it made him uncomfortable, but that’s the thing about you and Seokjin. Everything was off with the two of you. From kisses to cuddles to nudes after midnight to serious conversations about pineapple pizza. Friends don’t do that, is what you kept telling yourself when the feelings for him slowly grew from platonic to romantic.

In midst of your thoughts your phone rang. Sehun the attachment dealer flashed across your phone. Giggling at the memory of how the nickname came to be, a warm feeling nest itself inside your chest. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I left the Howl Cafe, I’m near home.”

He hums, the sound of the blinker echoing in the distance. “I’m there in five. Meet me at the bus station at beginning of your street.”

There were instances when disobeying Sehun felt like the biggest thrill of your life but right now when feelings you couldn’t pinpoint ran through you clouding your judgement, Sehun felt like a silver lining. As you wait for him to arrive, you can’t help but scroll through your phone in search for that one picture of Seokjin.

The only one you’ve saved after your last conversation. He was leaning against the wall of the bakery, a cigarette hanging from his mouth. His bleached hair fell over his rimmed glasses giving him an emo vibe. It was somewhere around three am when you’ve taken this photo. 

Both of you exhausted from running aimlessly around the city. He begged you to visit this bakery at the top of a hill, assuring you about the quality of their goods. You remember that night vividly, how you would steal a kiss or two in the shadows hiding from the reality. How he would woo you with his terrible French accent and you would answer him in your broken German.

You miss him. You miss him to the point where it physically hurt.

Sehun honks ever so caring about the people sleeping peacefully in their homes. He bursts into laughter at your jumpy reaction making you feel annoyed as you lock your phone. Settling yourself in his car you wait for his I told you so, but it never comes. Instead, he turns on his Spotify playlist clicking on Olivia Rodrigo’s good 4 u blasting it a such high volume all thoughts you had were overridden with the upbeat song.

Sehun had been your friend for the same amount Seokjin was. The two knew each other through a few short encounters, for some reason they never crossed paths for longer than ten minutes. For that you were thankful. The song comes to a finish and Sehun observes you from his seat. The lights of the city painted on the window illuminated your face, giving him a prefect view of your perplexed expression.

“How are you feeling?”

You knew he would ask this question, after all the sole reason you were driving on a highway was because of your damped mood but in whole honesty you didn’t know the answer.

“A part of me had expected it. He talked about marrying her, but he also talked about wanting to drop everything and own a cottage in Sweden.”

“Your taste in men is terrible. Remember Mark? The guy who had so many career goals but couldn’t leave his house because he thought having a life outside work was overly distracting for his oh so important career as IT support at ZARA? Or Mino who was so high you couldn’t recognise him when he dropped the weed after your breakup.” Sehun snorts.

You roll your eyes at him. Surely your boyfriend track wasn’t the best but it’s not like you seek out boys with issues, it seems that they attach themselves to you and you can’t get rid of them without a major heartbreak. “Whatever.”

Sehun stretches forward pulling your favourite chocolate bar out of the compartment, throwing it in your lap. You smile, munching on it as you switch the song to Zayn and Sia’s Dusk Till Dawn.

“I just expected him to inform me.”

Sehun shakes his head. “I am not sure why you expected that. You two haven’t shared one conversation in two months. You’ve asked for space when he told you he can’t choose between you and Jisoo. Plus, that was a dick move to be honest making him choose between his girlfriend and his best friend.”

“Space,” you emphasise,” not utter silence. He didn’t move two fucking blocks Sehun. He moved to a whole fucking country without telling a soul. Our mutual friend finds out through an Instagram story. Fucking Instagram. And I don’t care, he was a dick that started this charade might as well end it.”

By now you were fully shouting, the tears that threatened to spill before now rushing down your face. In this moment you didn’t care much about Sehun’s awkwardness regarding tears and crying, that was pushed aside when he backed Seokjin’s decision and pissed all over yours.

“Y/N,” he whispers, turning down the volume as you whimper, “there is not much you can do. You must respect his decision. You can’t force someone to love you.”

It was your turn to huff at the stupidity of his words. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t go about kissing people. Respect decision? Fuck that. Did he respect me when he made a fool out of me?

“No.”

Sehun exhales knowing that in this case you weren’t in the right mind to have a rational conversation. Seokjin was your weak point, he knew that much. Your emotions began to pour out, leaving you a sobbing mess in his car. 

“Look, I can’t stop you from having all sort of emotions for him. I can only advice you to turn off your phone for tonight and give yourself time to process the information before doing anything you might regret.”

 “I won’t blast his phone with insulting messages if that’s what you think.”

“Good, also don’t eat out your emotions. You can’t stand too much sugar in your system.” 

“Thanks doctor. I’ll just write out my emotions instead.” You say leaning into the seat, closing your eyes as you listen to the music.

“You still write on that blog?” You can hear some amazement in Sehun’s voice, and you know it’s not to mock you but to praise you for managing to stay faithful to one thing this long. You had a reputation for giving up on things in early stages because you couldn’t finish them perfectly.

The rest of the ride was spent with you eating out your emotions with the food Sehun bought from your local fast-food restaurant. Not much was said between you and him as he drove into the night letting you process the whole situation, only dropping you off at home when you felt yourself calming down.

Once in the confides of your room you strip yourself of any pent-up emotions letting all the pallet of different feelings overran you. Taking a pen, you let your heart pour into endless words scribbled away in your notebook. When you’ve felt empty the high gone, you take your laptop opening the site you’ve a long time member of. It came to you on Instagram in a form of a poorly done advertisement. It was a website for people wanting to share their poetry with strangers.

At first, you’ve done what you always do: began self-doubting your poems and their worth. Most of them were written in a spur of a moment when you felt like you would burst from the number of things you felt. But one night, when sleep couldn’t come to you and the pain of losing the person you held dear lingered in the air threatening to choke you; you signed in posting your work. It was raw and you suddenly felt exposed and naked in front of the world.

That’s how Meraki came to be. How your pseudonym became your shield, allowing you to burden it with any thought or emotion you’ve felt. In the online world Meraki was a fierce writer, letting her readers know of the pain and suffering she felt. In real world Meraki was an introverted person hiding herself from anyone willing to come close.

                                                   ____

 It was a hot Wednesday morning when you’ve gotten an e-mail from your sister informing you of her whereabouts. Due to your mother’s work preventing her from traveling, she decided to pay you a visit instead; much to your delight. The days to her wedding were numbered and so was your sanity.

Luckily for you she and her fiancée decided to stay with your parents.

The thought of her roaming the halls of the only place you’ve managed to cover in comfort was disturbing you. It wasn’t that you hated your sister but although you’ve dealt with your own insecurities some parts of the trauma still hung over you.

You’ve managed to avoid her for a good number of days since she landed in Seoul but now a week later you ran out of excuses. That’s how you found yourself sitting in a posh sea food restaurant, juggling your anxiety during the family dinner.

The last time you saw your whole family was at your grandfather’s birthday (which happened six months ago). The event left a bad taste in your mouth after you’ve spent majority of time listening to your sister’ success only receiving attention when she addressed you.

Solar and her fiancée Minho discussed the menu as they skimmed through different meals. You have been so busy staring at one spot that you’ve never noticed the waiter taking orders.

“Y/N?” Solar spoke catching your attention.

“One chicken fillet for me please.” You were so preoccupied with different thoughts you never saw what they had to offer therefore you went with your go-to food.

The moment the waiter leaves the table with the menus, your mother scoffs. “Aish you’re eating chicken again, we’re in an exclusive sea food restaurant and you’re embarrassing us.  “

“Mother, let her eat what she wants.” Solar interrupted your mother’s complaining, switching the topic to her wedding dress. Your mother beamed at the photos she showed her.

It was somehow sad how much power Solar had over your parents. One word was enough to ease them into doing whatever she liked whilst you had to beg and crawl your way and even then, you were no match for her.

You felt severely out of the place. The two talking about preparations while your father and Minho gushed over their new apartment in Tokyo. You sat there in your chair counting down minutes until you could leave. Any other day you wouldn’t bother to attend the dinner but now Solar insisted you showed up. Something about the sight of her family warming her heart, bunch of bullshit.

“How are you doing Y/N?” She asks ignoring your mother as she mumbles under her breath about your bad habits, one being smoking.

You took up smoking in your last year of university when the pressure of getting a master’s degree and balancing your parents had been too much to take in. A lot of your friends decided to find comfort in weed, but you never understood the thrill of it. Rather than spending enormous amounts for just one puff, you could buy a pack of cigarettes and still have money left for some booze.

“Not much, same old same old.” You answered pushing your nervousness away.

There wasn’t much happening in your life. You’ve started a job in a bookstore and spent your free time either with Sehun or Jihyo.

“How’s Seokjin?”

That one question had caught the table’s attention and suddenly you felt a terrible need to smoke one. Your families were acquainted through work, your fathers working together on a project. They had been shocked when they discovered that you and Seokjin had been close friends for a long time.

“He’s fine.”

“I heard he got engaged,” Your mother spoke up,” to Kim’s daughter Jisoo. Ah what a wonderful being that one is.”

“Oh?” Solar gave your mother a perplexed look narrowing her head at you. You played with the glass in front of you, the object suddenly becoming interesting.

“I thought you and he were dating.” Minho joined, telling the words that were stuck on the tip of your sister’s tongue.

“Y/N and Seokjin? Don’t make me laugh. They are worlds apart. Seokjin is so focused on his career while our Y/N thinks writing will make her a fortune.”

Taking a sip of water, you try your best to wash away the nasty words threatening to leave your mouth. Your parents never approved of your career choice not that you even cared about their opinion.

Solar hums pulling her lips into a straight line. “I’ve must’ve mistaken then. I was sure I saw you-“

“Here is your food.”

And that’s how you were saved from the embarrassment of having to explain to your sister that what she saw was imagination playing tricks on her and not you and Jin making out in front of your house. It was awkward enough when she pestered you about it the next day.

The conversation takes on a different dynamic and you breathe out in relief. You were still trying to process the news and talking about him wasn’t helping your soul.  You gather yourself before your façade could fall and mask it with a stoic expression continuing your countdown till desert when Sehun would call you for an “emergency”.

Right on time you think as your phone began to ring.

You pretend to gasp covering your mouth to show concern as Sehun sputtered nonsense. He kept talking about his trip to the gym and how his feet hurt from all the exercise he did while you tried not to show disgust as explained in detail how hit his little finger against a metal device . Solar shot you a worried look as you excused yourself from the table.

“And the award for the best actress goes out to Y/L Y/N” Sehun pitches once you close the door of the restaurant. Shooting a quick apology message to Solar, you jump into his car deJa’vu hitting you.

“I should get paid for spending so much time with you.” Sehun dripped in sweat, his black shirt sticking moistly to his body, hair pushed back.

You shrugged falling into a comfortable silence. Half an hour later he stops at the number 13, the windows of your house distinguishable by the large number of flowers catching last rays of Sun before the night settles.

“That will be 100 won and a Mcdonald’s later when you’re free.”

“Yeah, not happening” you tell Sehun, already halfway out of the car, rucksack slipping from your shoulder.

He raises a brow at you.” I am not your personal driver Y/N. I had to leave my girlfriend to drive you back.”

You scoff as you roll your eyes at him.” I’ve told you to call me for an emergency. There was no picking up included.”

He mimics your words mockingly before pressing the gas pedal leaving you behind him. Unlocking your apartment door, you’re greeted with your dog sleeping in the hallway not giving you a second glance as you pass over him. Haku’s snores echo through the empty apartment warming your heart. The Shiba became your companion two years ago when you were going through a rough patch. It took some time for you to get used to each other but now you couldn’t image not having his snot buried into your business.

Turning on the lights you sit at the kitchen table pulling your leg up to rest your head on the knee. Opening your laptop, you see a few notifications popping up on the sideline about your recent orders. Just when you were about to close the notification center you see one mail standing out. The name Jung Hoseok makes you jolt in your seat.

Dear writer aka meraki,

I hope this e-mail find you well. My name is Jung Hoseok, I’m the CEO of ZER Publishing company. I’ve taken interest in your poetry and would like to have a meeting to discuss a possible collaboration between us.

Kind regards,

Jung Hoseok

The scream that came from you couldn’t possibly be human. Closing the laptop as if it will burn you, you throw it on the sofa choosing to avoid it until tomorrow.

You didn’t know how he found you giving that any personal information on the site was strictly private. Pacing back and forward you facetimed Sehun. He picks up after three very long rings making your heart beat erratically against your chest.

“I swear to God if this is another one of your emergency calls.” Sehun stands there in nothing but a towel hugging his waist. He moves to the other side of the bathroom, bare feet pacing against the marble floor.

“I got an e-mail.”

He curses, his voice muffled from the towel pressed against his face. ” You called me to tell me about a mail?”

“Not any mail, Sehun. I was contacted by Jung Hoseok.” You whisper still walking back and forward, Haku following every step of yours. Sehun tries not to pay close attention to you, getting slowly dizzy from all the commotion.

“And something tells me I should know who that is?”

You halt taking a moment to stop yourself from starting a conversation about common knowledge again, it was a sour subject. “He messaged through the mail used for Meraki.”

This time Sehun is quite for a few seconds taking in your words. You don’t see him, but you can hear deodorant spray and shuffle of clothes. “How? Isn’t that private?”

“Yes.”

And suddenly the anxious feeling was back. The poems you wrote there were strictly private, the mention of your love life and your hardships with your family were never meant to be linked back to you. You’ve checked the websites policy not wanting anyone to associate you with the account. If that were to happen you can immediately start packing your things to move to another continent.

“I am sure he didn’t hack it; nobody is that desperate. Maybe he contacted the website owner?” Sehun takes his phone, hair freshly washed strands falling over his face. He moves from the bathroom to the kitchen placing you carefully , so you could see the whole room.

You think for a second, there was a possibility. “Isn’t that a violation of my privacy?”

“I can try to read out the rights and policy. Come up with a text signed as your lawyer but Y/N” Sehun’s voice is soft, something he did to calm you down. He stood in the middle of the kitchen, eyes having an internal battle, the look you’ve seen on him in rare moments.

“Yes?”

“I am sure if you refuse, he won’t bother you. I am also sure you don’t have much to lose if you agree.”

                                                         ____

Hoseok was on his fifth coffee by noon, deprived of any sleep last night.  He was starved for a good literature piece that would leave him in myriad emotions. Sadly, he came up with an empty line. He spent his days cocooned in the corner of Suho’s café reading page by page poetry that awoke no emotion except irritation. He was on the brink of losing his mind.

Suho slides into the booth, careful not to startle Hoseok.” Have you found anything?”

Hoseok ruffles his hair before resting his head in his hands. He was desperate enough to visit fanfiction sites in hopes of stumbling upon work that had  the spark.

“Maybe you should take a break? Visit those open mic nights where people recite their poems?”

Hoseok shakes his head having already used that option last week. “I’ve been to three mic nights and not one was interesting. I am on a verge leaving everything behind to become a stripper. Yoongi did say I have an amazing body."

Sehun by now used to his friend’s dramatic antics shrugs his shoulder.” You should really take a break. You’ve been searching for a month now.”

Hoseok wished he could take a break, but the existence of his firm lay in his hands. That enough gave him tremendous worry pushing him way above his limits.

“I know but if I don’t find a good piece in a month, I can close the firm. Do you know what that means? Hundreds of people losing their job.” Hoseok wasn’t the one to crumble under pressure but now he felt like crying. Suho offered him a smile he’s seen before, the pity smile. Patting his shoulder he gets up at the sound of doors opening ,customers swarming in.

At the end of the day Hoseok thinks everything has turned against him. His laptop dies in the middle of reading, and he discovers he forgot his charger at home. In all the despair and anger he accidentally knocks over the mug spilling coffee over important documents and his newly bought jeans. The stain will probably leave a small burn that he wasn’t ready to face today. He’ll take care of it tomorrow.

On the side Suho observes his restless friend. He felt bad for not being able to help him more, but he already used all his resources and sent them anonymously to his mail only for Hoseok to turn it down.

Sehun walks into the café with his gym in one hand and candy in the other, drops of sweat forming on his forehead. He was waiting for a call from Y/N, prepared to jump into his car at any second. He greets Suho, his sight landing on an exhausted Hoseok bumping his head repeatedly against the table lightly. He hoped to never reach this point of insanity. 

“What’s his problem?”

Suho follows Sehun’s line of sight. Hoseok sits in the booth, forehead rested against the table. Both his mind and body were tired, and the clock was ticking. “He needs to find a good poetry piece to publish otherwise he’s toast.”

In that moment Sehun weights his options. He knew how self-conscious you were about your work thinking it lacked emotion and quality and this seemed like a good opportunity to prove you otherwise. On the other hand, there was the issue with people closely linked with your poems. He takes his time picking between different sugars, steering the coffee slow enough to buy him at least one more minute.

Pushing the bills to Suho he takes a sip. “There is a website called Nora, it had lots of good poetry. I've read some.”

Suho nods following Sehun out of the café promising to deliver the message to Hoseok. Once locked up he slides back into the booth watching Hoseok pack his belongings ready to call it a day. “This costumer told me about Nora site. You should give a shot.”

“Nora?” Hoseok mocks, he heard of all the websites used for writing but Nora didn’t ring a bell.

“I think it’s new. I’ve never heard of it but he seemed sure of his words. The worst that can happen is he lied and knowing Sehun that’s unlikely.”

Hoseok nods eager to go back home to his cat Nobus and prepare himself a warm bath to release the tension built up in his muscles. Waving goodbye to Sehun, he exits the shop from the back door and turns on the engine of his car driving away to the beat of classical music easing him.

Entering his small apartment located in the centre of Seoul, he throws his shoes to the side not bothering for order tonight. Slouching himself on the couch he pets Nobus, the cat bumping his head against his arm purring softly. With eyelids half closed he opens the website on his phone, picking poetry as his preferred category.

Selecting a random writer he opens the first poem, eyes scanning the text.

 I love you             like the habit I picked up in college                  of sleeping through lectures                  or saying I’m sorry                  when I get stopped for speeding             because I drink a glass of water                  in the morning                  and chain-smoke cigarettes                  all through the day             because I take my coffee Black                  and my milk with chocolate             because you keep my feet warm                  though my life a mess I love you             because deep down I know                  you'll never be mine again   (author of the poem: Nikki Giovanni, I added three last sentences)*

With every word that Hoseok took in he felt himself back in university, all drunk on the idea of loving the girl that sat two seats in front of him during microeconomics. He relives the ecstasy of having love running through his veins, he feels the desire under his fingertips for just one touch, he crumbles at the pain of finding her kissing his best friend. Hoseok feels like his heart had been ripped apart with just few simple letters placed in a neat poem.

He sees the words meraki scribbled in a messy handwriting under the poem and he feels as if his prayers have been answered.

[inkandpen22]

Otherworldly Kings and Queens (4/?)

Pairing: Peter Pevensie x Female!Reader  / Prince Caspian x Female!Reader  

Warnings: mentiones of violence, mentions of death 

Word Count: 2.4k

Part Summary: As the group arrives at Aslan’s How, it’s evident that Caspian and Peter won’t exactly see eye-to-eye. When Peter 

Masterlist

Arriving at Aslan’s How is truly like something out of a picture book. We stop just before the archway. I stand beside Peter, observing him as he watches the scene unfold before him. Centaurs line the path and draw their swords in honor of the Pevensies, their Kings and Queens of Narnia. Peter appears unfazed, as though this is normal life. Then I realize, this is normal to him. He starts to walk along with his siblings. When he comprehends that I’ve stayed put, he turns to me in confusion. I release his hand and urge him to go out with a nod of my head. I’m not a Queen of Narnia. An unfamiliar expression crosses his face before he snaps out of it and hurries to rejoin his siblings. I glance over Caspian and his head falls as the siblings walk ahead.

“Don’t worry, you’re needed here too,” I assure him quietly.

His eyes meet mine and I offer him a soft smile. After all, if it weren’t for him, the Pevensies would’ve never made it back here. I can tell he’s unsure of himself, worried about all of the pressure on him. Caspian and the Pevensies are supposed to lead a revolution. I can’t help but wonder if it’s truly feasible. We’re just a couple of kids.

I nod my head toward the How and the two of us start walking together with Trumpkin following along.

After a tour of the hideout and Caspian showing us the shrine to Aslan, there’s a war meeting. Peter and Caspian are butting heads, not much of a surprise there. The presence of a power struggle between the two leaders is evident as day. Caspian believes we should wait for the Telmarines to make the first move. Peter thinks it’s best if we attack first with the element of surprise.

I sit with my knees close to my chest against a pillar with Ed. I rest my head on his shoulder, growing tired of this back and forth tennis match between royals. Plus, I haven’t slept in two days. 

“If we dig in, we can hold them off indefinitely,” Susan sides with Caspian.

“But if they’re smart, they could starve us out,” Edmund voices.

Centaurs give their unwavering support if Peter does decide to lead a raid. They guarantee that they will fight to the death. I shake my head, earning the attention of Edmund who feels the motion against his shoulder. He can likely predict what I’m thinking. Brotherly, he places his hand over mine, rubbing his thumb over my skin gently. 

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Lucy interjects under her breath.

Peter turns to her, “I’m sorry?”

“Well, you’re all acting like there are only two options, dying here or dying there.”

Again, Lucy is the youngest, but still the wisest. I’m on team Lucy.

“I’m not sure you’ve been listening Lu,” Peter dismisses, much to my frustration.

“No, you’re not listening,” she fires back uncharacteristically. “Or have you forgotten who really defeated the White Witch?”

Lucy has a point there. I raise my brows, suppressing a smirk. Out of my peripheral vision I see Edmund checking for my reaction. I glance at the youngest boy. 

“You should say something,” he advice. 

I shake my head, denying the chance. There’s no way am I doing that. 

“I believe we’ve waited for Aslan long enough,” Peter states to his sister.

What happened to the Peter who spoke so highly of the Guardian of Narnia? He praised Aslan and now he’s losing faith in him.

“Y/N, what do you think?”

I’m pulled from my train of thought upon hearing Peter saying my name. I scan the room and everyone’s eyes are on me, even the squirrels.

“Me?” I laugh nervously, rising to my feet. “I’m not sure I’m the best person to talk to.”

“But you are the fairest,” Susan compliments.

“Definitely the most patient,” Edmund adds by my feet.

Rubbing my hands together anxiously, I steadily approach Peter. I know what he wants me to say, he wants my support. I do support Peter as an individual, no matter what, but I can’t condone war. He likely knows what I’m going to say, he knew when he asked for my opinion. Yet, he asked for it anyway, perhaps out of hope that I’ve had a change of heart in the circumstance.

The room falls silent as Peter and I study each other’s face, silently pleading with the other to comply.

“You know I don’t believe violence is ever the answer,” I reason with him calmly. 

“But we’re at war!” He fusses, pacing away from me in frustration.

I scoff, pausing to processes his words. He can’t be serious right now? After the last three years, he doesn’t think I’m well acquainted with what war means?

I lose my temper. “You don’t think I know that?!”

Peter whips his head around furiously and murmurs erupt amongst the Narnians. I’ve just yelled at their High King.

“We’ve been at war in our world for years now!” I shout at ‘King Peter,’ more like self-righteous Peter. “I know war! I understand war! What I don’t understand is creating more damage than necessary! Miraz is your problem? Target him! Attack him, not the entire palace where innocent lives could be taken!”

Peter pants, his red with anger as he restrains himself from yelling. Peter and I have only argued like this perhaps twice in our lives. Even in those instances, the reasons were never as imperative as this one. We argued about childish things, jealousy, and sharing. Now, we’re arguing about war and the priority of life. I’m only a teenager, these are conversations for adults.

I shake my head and my face falls in disappointment as I continue to look at my best friend. His eyes shift from expressing overpowering aggravation to guilt. Silently, I rush to the hall leading to the rest of the hideout. Peter reaches for me as I pass him, but I slip my wrist from his grip.

“Y/N!” Peter calls pleadingly to which I ignore.

I won’t participate in this discussion further. Peter and everyone else knows where I stand now, no need to stick around.

____________________________________________

The sunsets over Aslan’s How and soon the starry sky hangs overhead. I’ve been hiding on top of the How on the patches of grass since the meeting. At first, I was fuming. Peter isn’t being reasonable! He’s trying to prove himself to the Narnians and Caspian that he’s still this great king from before. I can tell he’s guilt-ridden because of his accidental return to our world, all of the Pevensies are.

“Why are you awake so late?”

A voice pulls me from my train of thought. Caspian strolls over to me and sits down on the grass next to me, resting against the rocks of the fortress.

“I can’t sleep,” I mumble as I play with a blade of grass. “I haven’t been able to.”

“I can assure you you’re safe here,” Caspian smiles faintly.

It’s not that I feel unsafe here per se. It’s my mind, it won’t stop wondering. Whenever I close my eyes, I’m afraid of what I’ll dream of.

“I don’t doubt it. I just...” I release a deep sigh, looking out over the field ahead. “It’s all just overwhelming.”

One minute, I’m on my way to school as I do each day, nothing exciting there. Then the next, I’m in some foreign land surrounded by mythical creatures who I was led to believe only existed in fantasy novels.

I turn my head to Caspian, admiring his side profile. “What keeps you up?” I ask him quietly.

He shifts, relaxing more into his position, and turns his head to meet my gaze. His jet black eyes that match his hair glisten under the stars. Little specks of white glimmer in them like stars.

“I uh... “ he swallows hard, his eyes flickering to the bit of ground between us. “Whenever I close my eyes I see my uncle’s face. When I try to sleep, I...”

I place my hand over him without a second thought. His sight returns to mine with a hint of surprise. Yet, he still appears troubled. I offer him a comforting smile, hoping it will grant him peace of mind.

“Nightmares are perfectly normal, Caspian.”

He nods, coming to terms with it. “Would you mind if I stay here with you for a little while?”

My smile grows and ease of relief across his features. “Not at all.”

______________________________________

Chatter, the sound of pounding metal, and birds chirping increase at a rapid rate. I shift a little, groaning at the sudden surge of disturbing sound. I can see light behind my closed eyes, so I hide my eyes in my hands. Utterly exhausted, I grant myself five more minutes. I moan, stretching out slightly to get comfortable again. I feel a weight on my waist and it tightens around me. Then, I feel something against my back and hear a deep sigh as warm breath brushes against my shoulder. I relax, a faint smile appearing across my lips.

Similar to a blast, I fly up from my laid position. My eyes adjust to the bright light of day slowly and I frantically search the area around me. Caspian awakes beside me in a panic due to my sudden surge of movement. Oh no, this is not good!

“Oh no, by all means, don’t scurry on my account” Trumpkin makes himself known a few feet away. “I was just about to throw up!”

i growl at the dwarf and rise from the ground. “Must you be so crude?”

Brushing down my dress, I march off to the path leading down to the How’s entrance. I hear Caspian chase after me.

“Y/N wait!” He calls.

Ignoring him, I continue my hurried pace down to the ground.  Peter is likely having a fit wondering where I am. Falling asleep with Caspian on top of the How was not on my to-do list.

Right as I reach the stone path leading into the alcove, Caspian grabs my wrist. “Do you think we can train together today?”

I laugh, does he think me to be Joan of Arc? I’ve never fought a day in my life!

“Me? Train with you? I’m no soldier, I would ask Edmund or Peter. They’re far better than me,” I suggest as I start to walk away.

The Prince jogs ahead and blocks my path, placing his hand gently on my arm. “Well maybe so, but then we can learn together.”

Peter wouldn’t like it, that much I know for sure. He hardly let me borrow Edmund’s Katana. Since then, I’ve never actually used it. I drew it in the woods when Caspian and Peter were fighting, but I don’t know the first thing about defending myself.

“Alright,” I comply, much to Caspian’s pleasure. Perhaps it is to my benefit to training. After all, I suppose there will be a battle eventually, though I’ll do everything I can to stop it. “But I don’t think we should do it here,” I add.

He frowns, “why not?”

I raise my brows at the boy. “Have you met Peter?”

He snickers, understanding my point. “Okay, maybe you’re right. We could try by the river!”

“Alright,” I nod. “We should go now.”

I cautiously check around us to make sure no one overheard before heading inside. Other than a few Narnians transporting supplies and weaponry, we’re in the clear. As long as none of the Pevensies find out, especially Peter, Caspian and I should be okay.

__________________________________

Caspian and I have been training all afternoon by the river. I’m actually better than I thought I’d be. Once Caspian taught me some basic motions, I learned I could build off of them. At first, he was going easy on me, changing positions slower than he really would in a fight. As I started to get used to having a weapon in my hand, I could imagine it as an extension of my arm like Caspian instructed. Soon, I was putting up a real fight against Caspian. I spin and swing my sword to meet his blade at an angle.

Face to face, Caspian laughs breathlessly. “And you swear you’ve never used a sword!”

“No, we don’t exactly need them in Finchley,” I snicker.

“What is your world like?” He asks as he changes our position and nearly knocks my katana from my hands.

“It’s not necessarily exciting,” I grunt as I drop to a squat to sweep his legs.

He jumps to dodge the move, landing on his feet perfectly. “Tell me about it. What do you like to do there?”

I snicker, stepping to the side to swing my blade down onto his shoulder. “Are you wanting to know more about my world or more about me?”

Caspian takes advantage of my uneven stance and grabs my arm. Swiftly he spins me around and yanks me into his chest. I accidentally drop my sword and his hand wraps around my neck.

“You,” he whispers in my ear.

I swallow hard, glancing down at my katana laying in the plush grass just a few feet away. Keeping the status quo, I play along. “I like the ocean, but your’s here is far prettier,” I distract him. “When I was younger, my father used to take my family sailing on holiday... but that was years ago.”

His grasp around my neck eases up slightly and I take the chance to slip from his hold. I fall to my knees and reach for my Katana. I grip it’s handled right as Caspian rolls me over onto my back and climbs on top of me. He pins my wrists above my head.

“Why did you stop going?” He pants, referring to my story.

“The war,” I answer softly, my breathing uneven. “He died in a battle in France.”

His face falters sorrowly and his pressure on my wrists subsides. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s alright,” I mutter, not seeking his sympathy. “But now you understand why I don’t believe in war.”

“I lost my father many years ago too,” he confesses.

The despair in his eyes nearly breaks my strong facade. No one should have to lose a parent, especially at a young age. Losing a father leaves a greater hole in one’s heart than most can predict. There are far more long-lasting effects deeply rooted in the experience than meets the eye. I’ve put on a strong face for my family and friends for so long that I’ve grown used to it. None of them understand. Yet here, I’m faced with someone who does.

“Then you truly understand.”

My words release in a whisper, the relief evident in my voice. Caspian nods gently, then his eyes flicker down at my lips. I bite down on the lower, tempted. No, I can’t do it. Peter’s face flashes across my mind. Yet, I can’t deny the alluring feel I have in Caspian's presence. At this moment it’s never been stronger. Caspian leans down, hovering over my face closer than before. My eyes uncontrollably fall to his parted lips. If he kissed me, I wouldn’t deny him. In fact, I find myself wishing he would. My eyes fall shut and his lips brush against mine.

“Y/N!” Peter’s voice booms over the otherwise peaceful wood.

__________

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