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jodilin65 · 21 years ago

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WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 31, 2003 Now for what may very well be my last entry of the year – aside from the fact that I’m still inhaler-free, there was a service truck of some kind in front, but I doubt anyone will move in too soon after the new year, assuming the first house hasn’t sold yet and the second one’s not even ready to go up for sale. I don’t care so much anymore because I know we’re out of here within a year from now. Right now my moving vibes have settled on the month of June and we’ll remain in Arizona, but again, I don’t trust these vibes. They keep fluctuating too much.

Every few months I try to clean the house really thoroughly. This time around it’s going much faster what with so much of the knickknacks packed away.

Now here’s something that’s as hopeful as it is frustrating. Of the 5 numbers I picked for the Fantasy 5 drawing, one was right on and 3 others were just one digit off! I was just a digit away from $500 which is what you get if you get 4 of the 5 numbers!

Tom and I were talking about the fact that I might’ve been taking the wrong approach to winning on non-scratch tickets. See, on scratch tickets, the numbers already exist, but they don’t exist on the others till they’re drawn. This means that I have to try to influence the numbers that get drawn to be the ones on the ticket. So I’ll be concentrating really hard on tonight’s Powerball and The Pick, which will be drawn at 7 and 9 PM. I have to go into a sort of trance.

I should make a list of abilities I’d like to try to accomplish from high priority to low, like winning money, killing every other hair follicle on my head, fixing it so I never have to shave again, making myself need just 8 hours of sleep instead of 9 or 10. I wouldn’t try to make money magically appear in our account, though, because all transactions have to come from somewhere and it may look suspicious. As it is, I’m wondering when the Slingo people are going to realize they’ve paid out more money than what their set of printed winning tickets is supposed to pay out altogether.

Just like today. Tom went to Circle K for our New Year’s treats (my last treats before jumping back on the diet). He realized he had forgotten some stuff when he was halfway back, so he pulled over knowing that the Slingo ticket he bought would probably be a winner, found that it was a $3 winner indeed, then used it to pay for what he returned to get!

Right now it appears they’re putting the septic in for the second house. If we get fucked over on the next move the way we did with the move to this place with contractors and other workers fucking up and cutting corners, I swear I’ll make sure whoever’s responsible compensates us!

Later…

That wasn’t a septic tank after all. I took the binoculars and saw the word Rinker written on the tank when I realized it was too small to be a septic tank. Plus, the thing was turning like it was a cement truck. So I looked them up online and found a picture of the exact same truck and it is a cement company. I guess they’re pouring either carports or patios.

Starting next year I may start doing two years’ worth of journals per file. Especially since I seem to be able to store two years per floppy if I compress them.

How wonderful it’ll feel throwing out my homemade 2003 calendars, the last of the many years with the freeloaders in it!!!

I think the next coming year will bring us lots of changes, but that’s okay, for none of them can be nearly as bad as some of the changes I’ve been forced to endure in the 38 years I’ve been alive!

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2003 Got 4 OB sample tampons in the mail today. They glide in and out easier, but I prefer applicators, and these don’t have them.

I also got drafts from Mary and a letter. She didn’t say much. Just that she continues to be dominated by other inmates, whatever that means, but is otherwise okay. At one point in the draft, when she and Justin were in Fort Myers and quite wanted, a newscaster doing a caption on “young lovers” interviewed them and asked what their secret sexual fantasy was. Mary said hers was to make love on the beach. I’d have loved to have seen the reaction on the newswoman’s face had I come out and told her I’d love to get it on with the Kate Jackson of the 70s! Along with the Linda Ronstadt of around 1980 and the Gloria Estefan of 1990.

Tom got me a lobster from Walmart which now steams live lobsters. While $12 is certainly better than the $30 Red Lobster would charge, it was still a bit much for a few measly bites. It was close to the same size Red Lobster would serve, but with no stuffing or anything like that to go with it, there wasn’t much to it.

This morning I awoke from a very vivid dream of winning $47,000 on what I think was a scratch ticket of some kind. Why such an odd number, I don’t know, but I had Tom get a Fantasy 5 ticket anyway. I mean, I can’t imagine the dream meant anything, though it sure made me wonder. I’ve been having vibes, as I get better and better at psyching tickets, that we are going to someday, some way, win a large sum of money.

He pointed something really neat out about the Slingo tickets. The odds are supposed to be 1 in 4 with those tickets, yet of the 11 tickets he got, 6 of them won! So, as long as I can rig more than half of them to pay out something, we’re going to keep getting tickets whenever we can afford to.

The incense people say they expect to ship my order on Friday and will email me to verify it. I should get it next Monday or Tuesday.

The best news of all is that finally, after wanting her for so long, Haiku’s been ordered! I spoke with Ricki and told her how I wanted her made up. When I asked if she had a standing-legs option, she said she didn’t know, but asked if I wanted her to go ahead and pour them if she could find other standing legs of proper proportion. I told her she could, but not to worry if she had to have bent legs. For no extra charge, she’s even going to make nostrils and earring holes. She’ll email me with the UPS tracking number when she’s on her way and says that although she usually gives herself a 6- to 8-week leeway, she should probably finish sooner since things are slowing down, as I figured. In fact, she said she’d begin working on her today! I think I’ll have her the first week of February or sooner.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2003 The “package” turned out to be nothing but an oversized Dove shampoo/conditioner sample.

The foul odor still makes itself present from time to time and Tom still can’t smell it. I’m almost certain it’s the evil entity that inhabits this land, and with me being the psychic one, I’m the only one sensitive to it.

It was incredibly cold last night at just 12°! It’s up to 50° now.

Tom and I were discussing various ideas for our website to get people to return often enough and to want to make donations. One outrageous idea he came up with was to write journal excerpts the rats, dolls or outside animals are supposedly keeping. When I told him that sounded silly, he said that we have to come up with something unique if we want to attract people. Pictures alone won’t cut it as there are too many other sites with pictures. We even discussed putting Nocturnal Obsession out bit by bit and making a few changes within the story as a way of getting my writing noticed, but I still say that no one’s going to be interested in lesbian suspense stories. They mostly want romance or comedy with very straight characters. But I am what I am and I’m not going to change that to conform to society’s desires.

Eventually, we’ll add the psychic touch where I give readings to those who submit their birthdays and just general information. Only unlike most quacks out there, I’ll be the real thing!

Just like I wondered if Tom got fired because my letter to Teddy Bear may’ve gotten her fired, I’ll be wondering something else if we lose the house. I’ll be wondering if perhaps maybe our city letter did cause the black bitch to lose her house and that’s why we lost ours. Even if they brought on their own problems and it was their fault that they might’ve gotten fired/evicted, it still wouldn’t be acceptable in God’s eyes. To God, it’d be just like I got them in trouble for no good reason whatsoever. It’s never okay for me to affect other people’s lives that way, so God would “retaliate,” so to speak and make sure that what went around came around if these things did happen. I’ll never know for sure, but I still doubt Teddy Bear got fired. I also doubt the black bitch lost the house like she claimed. First of all, they went out too peacefully for that to have been the case. Secondly, I think the state simply got fed up with supporting her and said enough is enough. We’ve taken care of you for 3 years, and now you’re on your own. When you have kids, they’re supposed to be your responsibility and not the state’s or that of others. This is why it really bothers me to see people having kids when they know damn well they can’t even afford them. Kids are ferociously expensive and if you don’t take home at least $30,000 a year, you’re going to struggle like hell.

Later…

It’s 60° warmer than it was when Tom got up.

Since the palm wasn’t going to make a comeback of any real kind, I dumped it but kept the dirt and pot.

My abilities continue to astound even me. Tom got his final tickets – 2 crosswords and 2 Slingos. One of the crosswords won $5. Then, as he started doing one of the Slingos, I told him I felt strongly that the other Slingo would win and it did! It won $10, so altogether he made a $45 profit on account of my spells. Not many people can turn $33 of tickets into $45!

Not many people can have bad asthma all their lives and just up and walk away from inhalers after being on them for about 30 years either. I concentrated so hard last night on my lungs that sweat was pouring from me, but today I’ve had less tightness and virtually no congestion! Tom thinks I had the power to do this all along but just didn’t know it. I guess most people wouldn’t think to try to cure themselves with their minds. I doubt most people could do it, but there are probably enough people out there who don’t realize they can.

Tom’s ear, just when we thought he was going to have a nasty relapse, is much better now. It was blocked for the longest time, then it was draining like crazy and now it’s staying open.

I was pissed to find that one of the books I ordered is one I’ve already got, so I listed it with Amazon. This one will bring me $6.02 if it sells.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2003 It got down into the 20s last night. At 11:30 it was already down to 38°. When Tom got up it was 28° and the sun had already risen.

I haven’t seen any other prairie dogs since I spotted the one at the side of the house.

I gave Tom my extra $33 that was leftover between my birthday and Christmas money for him to do what he wanted and he decided to get 11 Slingo tickets which are $3 each, though not all at once. He’s already won $34 and still has 3 more tickets to get.

Now here’s my most shocking news, yet it’s good news. I haven’t had to use my inhaler since last night when I wrote about how I was sick of them making me congested and that I’d prefer tightness over that! I woke up tight an hour before I got up (it was like old times with the shooting, so I heard), but have been fine ever since. I had a tiny bit of congestion after I got up and that’s been it so far aside from occasional waves of tightness. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but if I can heal or at least control my asthma inhaler-free, that’d be so wonderful! I’ve spent so much time healing others or making others sick that I haven’t really concentrated on myself. It seems I could’ve very well been sitting on a treasure chest of powers all these years and never known it. I just never thought of it or the possibility that I could heal or curse people. It would mean so much to me if I could have some control over my health. After being stripped of my birthright to bear children by God (even if he made the right and the best decision to do so), to finally have some say concerning my own body means a lot to me. A real lot.

It makes me wonder other things like, could I heal myself if I had cancer, not that I’d ever want to have to find out? Could I prevent pregnancy if Tom and I were more than friends and he’d get off more than once in a blue moon? Then again, I suppose that one wouldn’t count. Meaning, if something isn’t in your cards anyway, it doesn’t matter what you can or can’t do, or what you want or try to do. I still believe Tom could get off in me a dozen times a day and nothing would happen, though I also wouldn’t be that foolish to let him do so what with not wanting a kid and us being broke every other half hour.

I’m going to take Tom’s advice and not spread myself too thin. Meaning, I’m not going to try to make any physical changes for the better between him and me unless they’re necessary. This means that I’m not going to try to influence my weight when I return to my diet on the 1st. It’s not necessary to lose weight, but it is necessary to breathe, so I’ll focus on things like that. I get waves of tightness here and there, but am fighting them by doing the ballooning technique and trying to make myself yawn which always opens things up. Yawning is caused more by a need for extra oxygen than tiredness, though most people don’t realize this. I’m basically doing the things I did in jail during the times when the welfare bums said I couldn’t have an inhaler.

I can’t help but wonder – where did all these powers come from and why was I chosen to have them? Tom and I had to laugh when I told him that if he could run into the old folks and tell them all of all the abilities I’ve developed since I saw them last, they’d think he’d gone completely insane.

I don’t think, for instance, that I’d put a “miscarriage spell” on a pregnant teenage crackhead if I could because I don’t think God put me here to correct or undo other people’s mistakes. It wouldn’t be my mistake to make. It’d be the kid’s mistake to make.

As I said, the 1st is when I start back up with the diet. Now that I know how to keep regular, my only two challenges will be keeping my mouth shut to the extra calories, and not succumbing to the boredom that an hour of trudging away on the treadmill brings. I’m going to settle for losing just 10 pounds. At 38 years of age, I can’t expect to ever have my 25-year-old body back again anyway.

I read that they’ll remove my book listing if it doesn’t sell in 60 days, and I’m sure it won’t. No one ever wants to buy anything from me except pipes! Tom doesn’t think it’ll sell because it’s a common book. He wants to list some rare books he has and see if those will sell.

If there were two curses I’d lift from us if I could, it’d be the money and breakage curse for sure. I wouldn’t even bother with our lack of desire for sex. That’s just not as important to me. I’d rather not struggle and not be horny for Tom than be struggling and wanting to get it on with someone who doesn’t want to get it on with me. I hated that; how I always wanted sex in the beginning and he never did.

Later…

It’s not even 7:30 yet it’s already 37°! It just may be in the teens come 6 AM.

As always, I have my incense going. My favorites seem to fluctuate. My top two favorites were fruit and honey, but now I’d say it’s chocolate and angel.

Haven’t heard that loud truck the renters had since the trailer disappeared so maybe someone really was living in it.

This is the longest we’ve gone without seeing spiders in here. How much of it is me remains to be seen. Once the weather warms back up, we’ll find out. I miss summer already, but I don’t miss the huge electric bills or working out when it’s really hot. The fans help, but I hate to crank up the AC and cost us a fortune when I’m working out, so I just sweat my ass off. We try to keep it in the low 80s during the hot months.

I love my Little Fella, but never have I had a problem with a rat pissing like this before. He doesn’t just piss when he’s out of the cage, but every time I go to pick him up, he’s wet. Tom suggested that maybe he has a form of incontinence, but where is all this piss coming from? I mean, I just don’t see how this rat can have that much piss in him to begin with no matter how huge he is!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2003 I guess that because there are only a few days left in the year and I haven’t heard from the picture contest people that Little Buddy didn’t win anything. That is unless it’s now that they’re making their final decisions and aren’t planning to notify the winners till after the new year. If it was a choice between winning nothing or a medal, I’d rather just not win anything. I can’t do anything with a medal like I could with money, and I don’t need an object to tell me what a good picture it is as I already know that.

Later…

We had quite a time shopping for books online earlier. I wanted to go through Ade Books which was linked with Memolink, but all their used books come from stores all over the country, making shipping a bit costly. Shipping on books is bad as it is as they aren’t exactly feather-light.

So I ended up getting 20 used books at Pyramid Books. Most of the books cost just pennies, but the shipping was $22. It’s pretty comparable to walking into a store and buying books for 1-4 bucks and cutting out the shipping costs. Anyway, they’ll be here between 5-21 days.

Then I browsed Amazon’s books and found you could list books to sell for free, so I listed a book I finished a few weeks ago for a recommended price of $3.84, based on its condition. It’ll be something like $2.26 to ship it by the standard shipping method, so they say (we’ll wrap it in brown paper), then once they take their commission, I should have almost $5 to cover the shipping cost and my share of the sale money.

When Tom went to the PO today, he found we had a package waiting for us, but with it being a Saturday, of course, we couldn’t get it. I’m thinking it’s the Cosmetique makeup intro offer I signed up for under a bogus name.

I decided this is it – enough with the inhaler congestion. It’s time I try to learn to live without the inhalers. Seriously, with the way I get congested at times, I’d rather be tight than congested.

The leak curse was at it again today when I noticed wetness under the dishwasher. I wondered if it was the source of the foul odor I still smell at times, but it doesn’t seem to be. Whatever it is, though, is leaking slowly enough to not have to be concerned with and hopefully it’ll stay that way.

Speaking of books again, he finished Nocturnal Obsession earlier and says it’s my best one yet. I was surprised too, as I didn’t think he’d like this one that much. Maybe he likes it best because there’s hardly any sex in it and he doesn’t like sex himself.

Next, he can read the story that goes nowhere. I probably won’t mail a copy of that one to Mary till I’ve sampled the rest of the incense and can afford to send Paula her package. That way Tom can shoot two birds with one stone. Even though it’d be nice if Paula would send the lousy $10 I know she’ll never send me, I also know she’ll be delighted to receive the stuff and appreciate it greatly. As Tom pointed out, we do go back to 18 and 19 years of age, so in another year I’ll have known her for 20 years. It’s nice, I must admit, to send these things to her every so often. Especially when I know she could never afford most of the things I’ve sent her.

When Walter was here, we got to talking about selling things and it turns out that his wife also tried to sell dolls on eBay and had no luck, so I guess it wasn’t a mistake to send them to Paula even if they sit in the closet most of the time. Besides, if they didn’t sit in her closet, they’d just sit in ours.

It’s super cold out! It’s not even 9:00 yet it’s already down to 41°.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2003 I haven’t gotten any email from the incense place yet, but they may not return to work till Monday.

When Tom drove by it, he verified that the second house was definitely at ground level. The reason it may not appear so from here is because of the way the land slopes upward. When you look out front and towards the right, it slopes upward. When you look towards the left, it slopes downward.

The first house is for sale for $90,000. So, if a 3-bedroom, 2-bath house with a shared well can go for that, we ought to be able to get $140,000 for our 5-bedroom, 2-bath house with its private well.

Mary says she’s got a bunch of drafts to send me. I hope they have some punctuation!

A storm blew through here late last night, and of course it had to wake me up. I’m surprised I even went as long as I did before this latest wake-up call.

Later…

Jeff, Bob’s assistant, emailed me saying he made the changes and thanks for the order. I figured they’d be there, too. They seem to be workaholics. They’re there on weekends and even at night, so it seems.

Tom did some research and learned a bit about making the stuff. All it mostly is is a blank stick they take and dip in water that has unscented oil and a few drops of the fragrance mixed in. They let them soak a while, then they let them dry out. This is why it takes at least 5 days to process the orders. It’s the oil that makes it burn, releasing the scent.

The more I think about it, the more I think it’d be cool to have an online incense store of my own. It sure sounds like it’d be a lot cheaper than kilns and a lot easier to make than dollmaking. There’s so much mess, work and time that goes into doll making. That’s why the dolls are so damn expensive. As always, though, I worry that God will make sure I don’t succeed. I swear he’s got a no-doing-the-things-I-really-want-to-do rule on me. At least for the most part, he does. For most of my life, I’ve wondered why. Why is it so important to him that I don’t get what I want in life? Did I have it all in some former life that now he’s compensating me, or what?

Later…

I just checked and it’s 69° where Mary is, 37° where Paula is which is actually quite toasty for this time of year, 55° here, and just 28° in Post Falls, Idaho where my incense is being made. I guess it really is colder there than MA like Tom says!

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2003 Piggy didn’t make it. We figured as much by the way he sounded and looked. Meanwhile, I don’t want to get anyone new till Little Fella goes. With that old rat, it could be anytime. He’s about 15 months old. As much of a problem as he is with the pissing, I hope he doesn’t go anytime soon. I really do love that big fat rat!

Anyway, Tom’s going to deposit the pipe sale money and check out the signs where the new houses are. He’s also going to stop at Circle K.

At some point today I’ll make my incense order and maybe even email my Haiku order so they’ll be there when everyone gets back to work.

For new scents I’m getting: 1000 Flowers, Abysinnia, African Jasmine, African Musk, African Plum, African Queen, African Violet, Anais, Apple, Apricot, Arabian Night, Avocado, Bergamot, Bijan, Bill’s Musk, Black Cherry, Black Diamond, Black Flora, Black Grape, Black Henry, Black Love, Black Magic, Black Musk, Black Narcissus, Black Pearl, Blackberry, Blossom, Blue Nile, Blue Sonata, Carnation, Cashmere, Cedarwood, Cherry, China Musk, China Rain, Choctaws Mouno, Cinnamon, Citronella, Clove, Cranberry, Cucumber, Cut Grass, Desert Rain, Dragon Blood, Dragonfly, Drakkar, Egyptian Musk, Evening Forest, Evergreen, Fast Cash, Fig, Fir Balsam, Firdaus, Floor, Floral, Florist, Florist Dream, Frangipani, Frankincense, Freesia, Gardenia, Ginger, Guava, Halston, Harlem Musk, Hawaiian Garden, Hawaiian Orchid, Hawaiian Plumeria, Hemp, Herbal, Hibiscus, Honey Almond, Honey Musk, Honeysuckle, Hyacinth, Hyssop, In Too Deep, Indian Flower, Jamaican Musk, Jamaican Night, Jamaican Plum, Jasmine, Joe Blow, John Henry, Jojoba, Joop, Jungle Fever, Kush, Langerfeld, Latin love, Lauren, Lavender, Leather, Licorice, Lily of the Valley, Lotus, Love, Love Supreme, Magnolia, Majmua, Mandarin, Mawa, Mecca, Melon, Mermaid, Michael Jordan, Mojo, Money, Morning Mist, Mother Love, Muddy Waters, Mulberry, Myrrh, Nag Champa, Narcissus, Nautica, Nephritis, New Car, Nubian Musk, Nubian Rain, Oasis, Ocean, Orange Blossom, Opium, Passion, Passion Flower, Patchouli, Pear, Pina Colada, Pine, Pineapple, Pinon, Plumeria, Polo, Potpourri, Puddy Cat, Rain Barrel, Raspberry Musk, Relaxation, Rock & Roll, Romance, Rose, Rose Geranium, Rosemary, Sassafras, Sitting Bull, Spice, Spikenard, Sudan Musk, Sugar Plum, Summer Rain, Sun Moon Stars, Swamp Root, Sweet Black Pussy, Tea Rose, Tea Tree, Sweet Love, Sweet Musk, Sweet Rain, Tanganilla, Tiger Tail, Tommy Girl, Tommy Hilfiger, Touch of Love, Tropical Musk, Tunisian Honey, Tutti Fruity, Vanilla Musk, Whisper, White Ginger, White Love, Wildberry, Wisteria, Woodstock & Ylang Ylang.

I’m also getting some of my favorites like Angel, Baby Powder, Bump & Grind, Butter Rum, Brown Sugar, Cedar, Chocolate, Escape, Fruit, Grape, Joy, Watermelon, Honey, Hot Love & Raspberry.

Later…

I made my incense order, which took forever. I’ll never be making such huge orders again, though. The only reason it’s so big now is that I’m still sampling things. Once I narrow down my favorites, I’ll order in smaller quantities. I screwed up and ordered a 20-pack of Mermaid when I meant to order a 5-pack, so I emailed them, asking them to adjust it for me. Also, I had to make a few substitutes because Oxygen, Rain, Spike and Sweet Grass weren’t on the list.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2003 What a Christmas present we just got!!! Walter, the well guy, just stopped by and paid us $203 in cash for our old PVC pipes that were stored under the house just sitting there doing nothing. After all the money we put into this damn well, it’s so nice to get some back! I’m getting more incense for damn sure. I’m going to sample the rest of the ones I want to try out, then maybe get a kit to try making my own from another site that sells it. I still intend to save up for that mannequin in my lifetime, but not till we know what’s going on and where we’ll be.

Anyway, as Tom pointed out and as funny as it may sound, we try to sell dolls and we can’t, yet without even trying we can get a couple hundred for pipes of all things in this world. Pipes that are 4 years old and that were used for 2 of the 4 years.

I called Paula and told her I’d still like $10 to ship her package to her. After all the time and money I’ve put into her, that’s only reasonable. I know I’ll never see a dime, though. She’s loyal but stingy. Anyway, her package is going to consist of a few odds and ends I have no interest in. I added in the extras mainly to fill the box up so things don’t get jostled around like crazy. She’ll get 5 CDs, a few little rugs that came with the Indian dolls, the hangable fairy that wasn’t worth the $12 I paid for it, a camera case, an oriental fan, foam soda can holders, plastic flowers, nail polish and facial cleansers, a coupon off a tooth whitening kit, a few little stuffed bears and a wolf, a bit of perfume and the incense I don’t like. Actually, I may omit the animals and use the newspaper they use to wrap the incense in as a filler.

Anyway, between the two incense orders and Haiku, I’d say I’m doing pretty well. Next, I’m going to hope to sell as much of the junk I don’t want at the swap meet and add the long-wanted Alexa to the list since I highly doubt I’ll make enough for a mannequin.

The satellite images are so cool. We were able to locate the two houses I lived in in Longmeadow, plus the two apartment buildings I lived in in Springfield. I’m going to enclose a copy of the Springfield shot in Paula’s package so she can see my old building, plus hers a few buildings away. We also found this house, plus our old house in Phoenix. We’re pretty sure these pictures are 5-10 years old and that we were probably living in the Phoenix house with the naughty blacks when the picture was taken. You could even make out the pool and the big tree the welfare bums had in their backyard that used to make a mess of our yard with its leaves. What was way cool was how you could “fly” down the map. This software is used in flight simulators when they’re training pilots. Anyway, we flew an hour southward and watched the land roll by till we came to our current house which is pretty much in direct line with the old one.

I finally heard from Mary again. In fact, it was mailed by José and our first thought was that he was writing to ask if I’d heard from her. They were doing their Christmas cards together so that’s why he mailed it. She did her part, mailed it to him, then he mailed it to me. They each wrote a little poem and it was really nice.

Mary asked me to email a note to Dr. Phil. I guess Oprah made him famous. She told him of her case and asked for guidance on how to cope, saying she wasn’t allowed to attend Gretchen’s funeral, etc. Then, after I sent the message, Mary’s aunt left a message saying that Mary’s changed her mind and not to send it if I hadn’t already, but I had. I don’t know why she changed her mind, but I told her not to worry. I mean, I don’t see the harm it could do her. Who knows if I’ll even get a reply back about it? The guy must get millions of messages.

I totally disagree with Mary when she insists she’s not guilty of child neglect. The man beats her and her kids over and over, yet she continues to stay with him till he kills one of them, and she’s not guilty of neglect? My ass she isn’t! No, she isn’t responsible for Justin’s sick actions, but she could’ve prevented things from escalating. She was just too high on getting her ass beat to do so. As Tom and I agree, though, jail is not necessarily the appropriate place for her. She’s not a danger to society and keeping her in jail won’t bring Gretchen back, but this isn’t the 70s either.

I quit my diet, though just until after the new year. It’s just that now’s a lousy time to try to diet with people giving you goodies and all that. There’s no hurry on getting my question answered anyway, as to whether or not I can get under 127, but regular or not, I think I know the answer to that.

It looks like my palm tree is going to die, and Piggy might, too. He’s been making these really weird wheezing noises as if he’s having a hard time breathing. He may have a tumor in his throat or something. He’s also not growing even though he eats like a pig.

I’m not going to bother to print out the whole year as I still don’t think it’s necessary. Not with all the backups I have, so this will be the last printed year.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2003 Now it seems our ghost can make things disappear. I’m sick of the pranksterish spirit inhabiting this land! See, my second incense order consists of 100 mini-sticks in brown sugar, fruit and chocolate scents, 20-packs of angel, raspberry, honey and butter rum, and 5-packs of grape and watermelon. Well, when I got up to light a watermelon stick, the package was missing. I searched everywhere for it to no avail. I know I received it, though, because I went through a checklist when I first opened the box. I can’t imagine accidentally throwing it out either, so since Tom has no interest in it, where did it go?

Tom found some really cool software yesterday that takes satellite images. We saw our land too, but the picture was about 5 years old. They’re probably not allowed to release pictures on the web too soon after they’re taken so people don’t feel spied on, not that I’d personally give a shit. It was still really cool. You could see next door’s place and Dan’s old place, but no rentals, and of course, our house wasn’t here when the picture was taken, but it was so cool to be able to make out certain trees on our land!

Tom’s doing the grocery shopping now, the poor guy. Walmart is no doubt a madhouse being just two days before Christmas.

I got letters going out to Mom, Mary, Paula and Bob, but the ones out of state shouldn’t get there till next week, the tail end of the year.

It’s a pretty cloudy day out there today and cool, too.

Tom insists that they did lower that house, but it doesn’t look lower from here. There’s a sign up over there too, which I imagine is to sell or rent the places. Maybe they won’t be occupied just after the new year if no one’s bought or rented them yet.

Later…

Well, there’s doll delay number one. Ricki, the woman I spoke to yesterday, is out of town. I spoke to some other dimwit who knows absolutely nothing about dolls and I can’t fathom why she’s even there. She took my number to give to Ricki if she calls her. Worst case scenario I’ll have to wait till Tuesday to place the order when she returns. They can’t really do anything till then anyway, but if there’s any good in it, the new year is the slowest time for most businesses, so she may be done faster.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2003 What a surprising and wonderful day it’s turned out to be so far! I didn’t see Tom last night as I was already asleep when he got in, but the surprise was waiting for me when I got up.

Not only did they remember my birthday after all and give us Christmas money, but they gave Tom $60 for his work and for gas. Although we know we should put all the money into bills, we decided we deserve to splurge since we haven’t gotten much fun stuff lately. So, I called Pala Creations in North Carolina and for a base total of $105, including shipping and the beaded armature that’s normally $15 extra, they’re going to make up Haiku! Then my $33 remaining dollars will be for Tom to do as he wishes, along with his $100 which I’m sure he’ll put towards bills. This is why I was glad there was $33 left over. If I’d had the $158 I’ve supposedly saved, I’d be getting a mannequin now, but I’ll get it someday. We didn’t order Haiku today, though, as Tom needs to get the money in the bank first. We’ll probably order her tomorrow. She’s not going to charge me for the wig change either since I’m not requesting human hair, or for the inset lashes. When I do call them back, I’m going to request standing legs if that’s an option, make sure the eyes are realistic and the lashes are inset, and that I get the UPS tracking number when she’s shipped so I can track her journey out to me. I should receive her between February 3rd – 17th so long as the truck doesn’t go breaking down or there isn’t some other delay.

As for our gifts, Tom got the usual shirts, plus a 1600-piece tool kit from Mom, Mary and Dave.

From Steven and Carol, we got a pretty canister with chocolate and eggnog biscuits, but Tom doesn’t like them because there are almonds and walnuts in them. He hates nuts.

From mom, Mary and Dave, I got two puzzles, an inflatable punching pillar, and an exercise ball with 3-pound dumbbells. I have no interest in the punching pillar, but the big rubber exercise ball is cool. I’m going to sell my Denise Austin equipment and my Thi-Master, along with the punching pillar.

I got my wonderful incense today too, and thanked them for it. He asked for another testimonial that I gave. I wonder if he remembers that I already gave one, not that I mind doing it again.

They’re working in front and I think the second house will be put in place today. I also think that shortly after the new year is when they’ll be moving in, along with the dogs they’ll no doubt permanently affix in front to badger me with.

If it turns out we’re staying, then we’ll have to decide whether or not it’ll be worth putting fences up if we’re just going to turn around and move 6 months later.

The rats are doing well, but I wish every other one we got wouldn’t sneeze like crazy. It’s common with rats, though.

No Mary mail, though I did get a letter from Bob, along with some jokes he enclosed. The jokes are just so-so, but they were nice to get anyway. I’m not surprised I didn’t get mail from Mary. I know how depressing the holidays are for her being away from family and all that. I’m sure she’ll pick up on her letters to me as well as book drafts after the new year. Of course, there’s always the chance she’s sent stuff I never got. I hope not!

Later…

What a pisser. They did both what I feared and vibed they’d do and didn’t lower the second house which is in excellent view of ours. I can see it better than the renters as the renters are at an angle.

Bob, the owner of the incense store, sent another message explaining that he had wanted me to leave the second message to show others that I came back to make a second order and wished me happy holidays.

I was both shocked and delighted to see a prairie dog out and about! This is the first time I’ve seen them come out of hibernation before the new year.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2003 Miss Perfect called last night, but of course it was only because she wanted something. She wants Tom to do some computer work for her, and as we both agreed, if he’s going to get paid for his work – sure. I warned him, though, not to be too nice as that’s how you end up being taken advantage of. He’ll be going there today at around noon.

We’ve been going through a lot of boxes and stuff around here in preparation for the after-new-year swap meet and or a moving sale. We even played an old horseracing board game.

Later…

I talked to Paula at 2’ of snow and 6°! At least one of us gets restitution for our screw-overs. She’s getting a little over 4 G’s for the bus accident she was in. I’m really happy for her, but why oh why is it that most everyone else gets paid for being fucked over while we have to pay to get fucked over?

She didn’t have much else to tell me other than the usual man problems she loves so much to have, and DSS being on her ass. She goes, “They try to tell me I’m not a good mother when I know I am,” and I thought to myself how I wish I could believe I was good at the things I know I’m not.

She says she didn’t receive the Christmas card or the letter with the small envelope made out to the incense place for a sample. I hope it’s just the holiday rush that’s delayed it and that she will get it. I wonder if Mary’s gotten all my mail. I told her to check and let me know. Meanwhile, I’m not sending anything else till after Christmas and maybe not even till next year. It’s just a lousy time for sending stuff.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2003 I was worried when my incense didn’t show up yesterday, so I emailed them to ask when it was shipped. Well, it turns out that it wasn’t even shipped till the 18th, and not the 15th or 16th as I thought was the case. This means that as long as all the Christmas packages don’t hold it up, I should have it on Monday.

As I figured would be the case, I still can’t get my money from Netflip any more than I can get the two gift certificate cards I was supposed to get. It makes me wonder if Memolink will do the same thing and cheat me out of my certificate once I gain enough points.

We still don’t know for sure when we’re moving or where to, but Tom assures me we won’t end up where there are people because it’s too expensive to go where there are people which is usually where there are paved roads, sewers, mail and trash services, etc.

Another pound bites the dust. I’m at 128 now. The hunger gets pretty bad at times, but I’m surviving. I seem to have gone down a bit in the waist, lower back and thighs, but at just a 2-pound loss this is mostly due to the toning and reshaping of my muscles rather than weight-loss. I’m going farther in less time too, picking up my pace as my legs get stronger and I gain more stamina. Ideally, I’d like to lose 30 pounds but will settle for 20. Hell, I’d even settle for 10, since weighing 120 would be better than 130, even if I’d still be rather chubby.

As with most things in life, I have mixed emotions about us cutting off all ties with Marge which we are prepared to do if they continue to be as selfish and as uncaring as they have been. On the one hand, we could really use the money we normally get for Christmas, but on the other, I don’t want to know her or Mary anymore. I’m just sick as shit of them. While they may never be as bad as my family’s been, they’ve been bad enough and I certainly wouldn’t miss them if I never saw them again. We just don’t want to know people who don’t give a damn about us. Also, if they have any connection whatsoever to Art and Doe as I believe they do, that’s another reason I don’t want to know them. When one of them croaks, the other’s going to go running to Marge about it who’ll run to me, and I won’t want to know about it then any more than I’d want to know about it now or since ’98 when I cut them out of my life for good. Sooner or later, be it Doe, Art, Tammy or Lisa, one of them is going to try to use and go through Marge to get at me, be it to cause me more trouble or try to reunite with me, and after 32 years of dealing with their never-ending cycle of abuse like I did, I don’t need history repeating itself. I know all I’d have to do is ignore them, even if Marge does give them our address and number against our wishes, but still, it’s the reminder of their existence I could do without. I’m reminded enough as it is in my memories and nightmares, so I don’t need the extra help. Nonetheless, whether or not we cut them off is up to them. It’ll depend on how things go when Tom sees them next.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2003 I’m down a pound and a half, but I’ll just call it 129. After all this hard work and hunger, I better get under 127! I’m going to be so pissed if I don’t.

I’m also going to be pissed if my incense doesn’t arrive today. Given the time it’s been since I placed the order and when they took the money, there’s no reason it shouldn’t come today unless someone fucked up, leaving yours truly here to once again be the one put out by it.

Anyway, the hunger has been pretty bad even with the suppressants due to the increased amount of exercise.

Rich or poor, I’ve decided to cut down on my mail to Mary as long as she’s cut down on hers to me. I still wonder if there’s something more going on than the death of her cousin. I haven’t exactly had lots of good, cheery news for her lately, so I don’t know; maybe she’s sick of hearing the same old uncertainty. I hope not, because while we all want to hear good things, if you can’t be a friend throughout the bad as well as the good, then you’re not really a true friend. I’m beginning to wonder just how true of a friend she is, too. After all, she too, blew off my birthday. A simple “Happy Birthday” would’ve been nice. I give what I get, though, so I’ll have no problem with ignoring hers next October 15th, assuming we’re still friends at that time.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2003 I’m quite shocked and delighted to report that the computer problem actually turned out to be a quick, simple fix that didn’t take hours or cost anything. A computer has two little fans in it. One to keep the supply box from overheating, and then there’s the CPU fan (central processing unit) which is what got old and worn out. Tom simply replaced it with another one.

Just when I thought he might be right about the foul smell coming from the garbage disposal, and thinking the baking soda killed it, I got a whiff of it earlier, and I have a feeling it’s not going to be going away anytime soon. Especially if it’s connected to any evil entities like I think it may be, and me being the psychic one here, am more sensitive to it than Tom. Lucky him!

I did my 1-hour walk which came to 2 miles. If I was able to walk at a normal pace I’d probably have gone almost 3 miles, but this particular walker is designed to make it like you’re walking up a very steep incline, and that slows you down.

I’m trying to space my food between 4-hour gaps. This week’s menu consists of chicken for protein, popcorn for fun, potatoes to keep regular, and fruit for its vitamins. Knowing I was going to begin the diet today, I ate like crazy over the last few days so I’m back up to 130. If I can’t get under 127, then I’ll have to decide whether or not I want to just maintain that or see a doctor whenever we’re insured again. I should lose 2-3 pounds a week on a diet like this, so it’ll be a couple of weeks before my question is answered as to whether or not anything’s wrong.

I’m still going to try to make my uterus go bad when we’re insured too, but I don’t know if God will let me do that. He doesn’t like women in general and he obviously wants us to suffer more than men do. I also don’t know if I can cure my asthma or even make it better, because again, God wanted me to suffer in the first place. I just don’t know why or why any God would want to see so much pain and suffering occur on earth like it does.

As funny as it may sound, and although Tom’s been putting in job applications, it’d be best if he didn’t get a job till after the new year, given the timing of our billing cycle on the electricity and the satellite. He plans to use the remaining two Tuesdays of the month, which is when the unemployment check comes, to pay the electric bill and the satellite. Meanwhile, we’re going to lose the TV any second now. Fortunately for me, it’s no big loss. I never watch it anyway. All I’ve been watching are my CA episodes while I walk. You have to be late on the electric and satellite bills for a month before they can turn you off, so this is why he wants to make sure they get paid, whereas if he got a job now, it might be 2-3 weeks before we got a check which means that by then they’d have shut us off. Although our generator only needs a $1 part to function again, we don’t care to live off of this generator like we were doing when we were first moving in here!

I just wish I could snap my fingers and have it be a month from now! I’d at least like to know if we’re staying or going. My vibes have been swinging from one thing to another with that and I don’t know what to believe anymore. First we were going to Nevada, then northern Arizona, then we were staying right here, and now we’re stuck somewhere in Maricopa on 2-5 acres with people barely 50’ away. I try to tell myself, “Don’t worry about history repeating itself. The tormenting freeloaders you lived with was just a fluke.”

But it wasn’t just a “fluke.” Flukes don’t keep happening over and over again, even if they have variations of sorts along the way. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a curse when the same kinds of bad things keep happening. Identifying its source may not always be the key to removing it, but I’d sure like to be able to identify it someday, and I’d certainly like to get rid of it, too!

I still wonder – just what haunts this land that doesn’t want us here? And could we really be meant to never have money, and is that why God wants us out of here; so we lose out on making serious money off this place in the future as it continues to build up around here? Or does he just want to see me stuck back with people and their damn dogs again?

It’s gotten rather cold. It’s only 33° right now, and of course, Maricopa’s dogs are going off about it. They’ve been barking non-stop since I got up at midnight.

I hope I have Mary mail and my nose treats waiting for me at the PO today. I could really use it in the midst of all this poverty and uncertainty going on.

I just got a third mail-return, but only sent Miss Perfect two messages. Or tried to. I get this every now and then, but Miss Perfect’s the only non-business source of return. When I’d get mail returned claiming there was an error in delivery, they were when I’d try to unsubscribe from spammers whom I had thought deliberately set things up to reject those trying to unsubscribe to use as an excuse to keep badgering people.

I don’t know if my mail got through to Miss P., but I also don’t care anymore. It’s always been rather hard for me to care about those who don’t care about me. Tom will go visit after Christmas as soon as he can afford the gas to do so, then if need be, we’ll be done with them. It’ll depend on how the visit goes. I mean, sure it was nice of them to lend us money when we’d ask, but we don’t need people who can’t take the initiative to care and help us on their own, not to mention the way Mary treated me in the casino, her rude picture obsession, the possibility that they may be sending mail to people I asked them not to send mail to that they know I don’t like and that were abusive, rarely caring enough to call, then ignoring my birthday. It wouldn’t surprise me if they ended up blowing off Tom’s birthday as well. Like I always said, though, you can’t change people. All you can do is avoid the ones you don’t like, or at least try to anyway.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2003 I am so, so furious right now!!! Now my music computer’s broken! This curse is really getting scary. What are we going to do when it starts breaking us? I’m in tears of utter rage, frustration and fear right now, and am within inches of breaking what’s left that does work so that it can’t break any more of our shit! I’ll have to wait till Tom gets up, but it appears that the drive has corrupted or there’s something wrong with the way it spins. Not a quick $10 replacement. We can’t afford to keep fixing things here. This shit’s got to stop or we’ll just have to do away with most of our things that are mechanical and I’ll end up picking at the carpet instead of vacuuming it, scrubbing clothes and dishes by hand and never using computers.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2003 Finally, the spell has worked! I killed his infection and prevented it from entering the inner ear. He’s still not 100% yet, though he’s much better. This week he can aggressively search for a job (he feels confident a temp agency will take him on), then about a month from now, we should know once and for all if we’re staying or going. I still think we’re going because even if we both got good-paying jobs, I don’t see how we could catch up fast enough. This isn’t a $425 rent payment we’re talking about, but a nearly $1,000 house payment.

As for Miss Perfect ignoring us, they’re hurting themselves more than they’re hurting us by stiffing us out of any birthday/Christmas money (unless Mom plans to give it all to Tom after Christmas) because if they don’t give us anything, we’re both done with them, and that will mean that sooner or later they’ll need someone to come fix something within their little shitbox that they’re too stupid to do themselves, and Tom won’t be answering their cries for help. It’s Tom’s family so he has to do what he wants if they stiff us and even sit back and watch us lose the house, but if it were all up to me, we’d never again answer any of their calls/emails much less contact them in any way. At that point, I’d say let them sit and worry and wonder why we’re ignoring them, and it amazes me just how stupid people are, too. Meaning, they fuck you over, you ditch them, then they ask why. Miss Perfect asked Tom why there wasn’t any email from me and he had to remind the ditz of her childish, selfish little casino outburst. People are so dumb at times it isn’t funny, but like I said, if they do what I think they’re going to do, let them go figure for all we’ll care.

I realize more and more that nobody gives a shit about us but us, but at least we have each other and aren’t alone. I couldn’t imagine life without him, rich or poor, no matter what we lived in. If we’ve got to be stuck in a dump for a while, though, fine as long as it isn’t next to any Jew-hating freeloaders with the wrong connections!!!

Later…

No Mary mail today. I’m surprised I didn’t get a letter as well as drafts because she had said she was going to get cracking on the book again. I guess she’s still depressed over her cousin. Because my flop of a story will be like 3 or 4 envelopes worth of stamps to mail to her, and I’m sure I need not remind her how broke we are, I won’t be writing as much but will get a letter off to her when I get 8 pages full as I don’t like to mail more than 4 sheets at a time. As I also told her, it isn’t just stamp money I gotta watch, it’s ink. My laser printer’s broken and I’m only half-full on ink. Fortunately for me, I don’t mind writing, so if I have to write by hand I will, but I think, I hope, it doesn’t come to that! If things get so bad that I can’t write at all, don’t think I’m dead, I told her, but again, if things ever got that bad, then something up there really, really does have it in for us! I’d like to think that not even we could rank that low on its shit list, but time will tell.

Things are still looking pretty bleak here but come mid-January we should definitely know for sure if we’re staying or going. I think we’ll end up going. Circumstances always force us to move before we’re ready to do so on our own, though if we do end up staying, we’re still going to look for better land deals that are more isolated. And fence this damn property!!!

I wish I loved noise cuz then I’d want to stay in the city where there are sewer systems, mail and trash services, and stores close by, but Arizona cities are a symphony of chaos! I suppose it’s that way in any area where it’s nice for most of the year. However, as long as people gotta act like animals, I couldn’t stand to live with them.

I called and left Paula a couple of messages.

They put a big water storage tank in front, but still haven’t dropped the second house, nor am I in any hurry for them to do so. The first house is still unoccupied as well.

They traded the trailer in back for a horse. I knew they’d get another horse unless this is the same one and it was sick or something. It’s hard to tell. Like I said, though, I knew they wouldn’t put all that time and money into a corral just to give up on horses that quickly. Especially such outdoorsy people like they are. They’ve been quieter, though, as far as that old truck with the loud motor goes, and have been burning their trash. Most of it anyway. They’re really not that bad when they can keep their dogs to themselves. The dog does get annoying at night, but they could be much worse, so I can’t complain too much. It’d be hell having them next to us in Phoenix, though, that’s for sure! There are just too many of them and too many dogs.

Tom got baking soda which I poured down the disposal as he thinks the foul odor I’ve been smelling is coming from that. I find that hard to believe, but we’ll see.

It’s been 7 weeks since I sent in the form for the $20 Toys R Us card. I’m sure I’ll never see it any more than I got to see the other cards. Why do they even have these offers if they know they’re not going to send the cards? Just to tease people? Or is this just our rip-off curse that never seems to quit?

Tomorrow begins the 1000-calorie/1-hour walk to finally find out for sure if something’s wrong or not. Again, I don’t know if it’ll show up in testing if there is. God won’t let what he doesn’t want fixed show up broken. So, if I don’t lose weight I better hope it’s a medical problem and not a curse.

Though the cold weather helps, along with spraying the doors, I have been getting better and better at keeping spiders out by placing spells on the insides of the doors.

Tom found that my prescription inhaler is $20 without insurance, yet the store-brand one was $10 which is what the prescription ones are with insurance, so he went and bought the store-brand one and said to hell with the last prescription one like we agreed he’d do if it did turn out to be more expensive. I’m going to be using the store brand one from now on anyway. Rich or poor, though, a person shouldn’t have to pay to breathe.

Tom said there were a few booms today that were about a 5 on a scale of 1–10 in severity, yet I amazingly slept through them. I had the fan on high, though, so maybe that’s why.

Again I got a message saying my mail to Miss Perfect wouldn’t go through, but I don’t know if this pertains to the first message I sent or the second.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2003 I was thinking that if we do end up forced to move into some dive somewhere, I may not have the guts to leave it for fear of losing another nice house, too. After all, you can’t lose what you don’t have. If we can leave this place willingly on our own time and at our own pace, that’d be different. With so much of our lives dictated to us, though, I still think we’ll be forced out of here.

Unless they haven’t picked it up yet, Dave and Miss Perfect are ignoring us. I said it before, and I’ll say it again – they’ll never see or hear from me again if they stiff us out of Christmas money. I’ll take the damn t-shirts, pictures of my fat face, and other useless odds and ends if I have to so we can get our annual money.

Even Tom’s pissed that they ignored my birthday and as he said, if they didn’t want to send money, they could’ve at least sent a card. But they have no problem with sending the people who made my life a living hell Christmas cards. I still think it’s because I stood up to Miss Perfect and let her know that I’m me and she’s her and that she’ll just have to live with it. Most people would see that as my being rude and insulting, and most people hold grudges, too. Anyone who knows me knows that the quickest way to lose me is to try to change me, so I guess they just didn’t know me very well or they just didn’t care.

Anyway, Tom’s ear infection is still holding on, but improving little by little. I was really hoping to cure it faster. I even want to try to become powerful enough to make my uterus go bad once we’re insured. I’ve had enough surgery in my life, but it’d be a worthy investment if it’s going to cut me out of the 250 periods I have left.

He changed the fan inside my computer because it was making this obnoxious screeching sound.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2003 I know now for sure that getting under 127 won’t be any easier than it has been for the last year or so. I’m not stuck, I’ve worked out consistently, I only had 1000 calories so far today, yet I’m already 3 pounds heavier than when I woke up. Oh well. At least I should be able to stay the same for quite a while. I don’t like having to work so hard to do so, but it’s better than nothing. Besides, if it were that easy to lose weight, most of us wouldn’t end up hopelessly fat like we do. If someone had told me back in my skinny 20s that I’d one day be heavy and have no control over it, I’d never have believed it in a million years!

Tomorrow’s the day I’ll probably get woken up because they didn’t fly today, and they’ve been flying every other day for the most part. It’s bad enough that I wake up for no reason!

I’m wondering if Miss Perfect and Dave have a block on me. I tried to send a quick message to remind them of our existence, hoping it’ll help them not forget about us over the holidays, but it was returned. The reasons why were confusing. It said something about an error, refused connection, and it being delayed. This has happened before too, so this is why I think they might have a block on me. I’ll ask Tom about it when he gets up. Anyway, if they do stiff us out of our holiday money on top of my birthday money and not caring enough to call, I swear I’ll make them sicker than sick! I’ll bring them to the brink of death and put the biggest spell on them ever!

Later…

Just when my spells seem to take effect on Tom’s ear infection, it seems to come back in full force. He’s still sure he’ll be better by Monday and able to be more productive. He better be. We don’t have the money for a doctor to treat this. I worried about this too; of God inflicting some sort of illness or injury upon us when he knows we’re vulnerable and without insurance.

I also wondered if this was Tom’s compensation for me sparing him from colds so far this year, but I don’t know. He said his throat was getting sore, so he may be coming down with one, too. Then again, it may just be the infection draining.

I sent Miss Perfect the message a different way and it went through, but as expected, I haven’t gotten a response. I don’t expect to either. I’m sure that when they read that we may lose the house they’ll be like, oh well, that’s their problem. Then they can go gamble away the extra money that we could use, and Mom can let her many thousands just sit in the bank. I disagree with Tom, though, in that I still don’t think this is all basic selfishness. I think part of it is they don’t like me because I stood up to Mary and let her know I wasn’t going to take her shit or be anything I’m not just to satisfy her. I still can’t believe just how much Doe in them they’ve turned out to have! They kept it hidden for quite a while. Usually, these things come out right away. Mary’s nothing but a control freak with no tolerance for those who aren’t like her and Mom is as selfish as can be.

Someone was blasting music on and off for hours earlier. I don’t see how the hell someone can stand to sit in a car and blast their music with the temperature in the 40s if it was a car stereo or blast music with doors or windows open if it was a house stereo. I tell myself to get used to it because we’re going to be hearing a lot more of that when we move. At least I fear we will. I just can’t get away from people. No matter how hard I try, I can’t shake them off. If I must end up forced to go where there are more people, though, I’d rather it at least be in the free world than in jail. A part of me wishes that if we were going to be forced onto less than 10 acres we were back east. I don’t miss the cold, snow and humidity, but at least there are very few small houses there, the water’s drinkable, and they don’t leave their dogs outside to bark 24/7. But we are where we are, and most curses never die. Meaning, I know we’ll end up next to the loudest people in the area, and if they aren’t there when we move in, they’ll join us in a matter of months. I don’t know if the main source of annoyance will be barking dogs, screaming kids, thumping bass or really loud engines like in a motorcycle, but there’ll be something.

One of the annoyances we have inside the house here which I’ve had to deal with ever since we’ve been here is the on-and-off foul odors that waft through here that only I seem to be able to smell. I know my nose is like a bloodhound’s, but I was amazed that Tom couldn’t smell the burst of foul smells that ran through here earlier. It’s been worse lately and every day I’m assaulted by foul odors that seem to have no pattern or source. I had thought it was coming from the septic, but now I don’t know what to think because oddly enough, it seems to be connected to the vents. I smell it more when the heat’s on. It made me wonder if something got into the vents and died there, but if it did, why didn’t one of us hear it before it died? And why would I only sometimes smell it? I don’t smell it every time the heat’s running and sometimes it’s stronger than others. This, combined with the unexplained crack in Tom’s office window, among other happenings here, are just so supernatural-ish. As most people know, I don’t scare easily at all. The only things I can think of that I really consider scary are open heights and spiders, especially if they’re big. In other words, ghosts and goblins don’t scare me, but these events really fray my nerves. It’s just another source of trouble I can’t fight, as far as I’m concerned. I really believe this evil entity is that of someone who died on or around this property about 50 years ago and they’re lost, in a sense. Maybe they don’t even realize they’re dead. Especially if they’re trapped between the land of the living and the land of the dead if there is such a thing. Either way, I don’t think the shit we’ve gone through in this house is all on account of some lost or angry spirit.

I just wish I knew what was going on and where we’ll be in a few months from now. I’m also so, so sick of having to hope that this one doesn’t fuck up or that that one doesn’t fuck up, because I know that if they do, we’ll be the ones to pay for it. It’s like so much of our lives is what others make it and I’m just so sick of it!

As for another one of my long-term curses, after the next grocery run, I’m going to cut my calories to 1000 a day and up my walking to an hour a day. If that doesn’t get the weight off, then there can’t not be something wrong. This will tell me either way and I’d really like to know for once and for all. Of course, just because there may be something wrong doesn’t mean God would let it show up on a doctor’s test. Not if he doesn’t want me fixing it. If it doesn’t work, I promised myself that I would no longer continue to torture myself over the subject. I’ll still try to maintain the weight, but no more trying to lose it after this. There’s a time to try our best to achieve whatever, then there’s a time to let it go and move on, and that’s what I need to do if this doesn’t work. We all have things we can’t do. We win some, we lose some. Not everyone can lose weight any more than everyone can quit smoking.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2003 I’ve been sleeping really weirdly the last couple of days. I wake up a million times, then I get up too soon. Today I managed to go back to sleep, though.

I fell asleep at 129 and woke up a few hours later at 127, but when I got up for good, I was still 127. That pretty much tells me something right there. For some reason my body just won’t budge under 127, but should I really be all that surprised? I never had much control over my own body in the past, so why would I now?

No booms yet, but they may boom by tomorrow. They boomed by twice yesterday. This is just when I thought they’d stopped flying again too, so once again, I better try to stay on days next time I get there.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2003 This is certainly a surprise change in weather. I had just finished listening to music and when I stood up, I heard this steady sound. I was like, what the hell is that? My first thought was that it was the heat hissing through the vents, but as I passed by them, I didn’t feel the air moving. Besides, I knew it was still a few degrees away from coming on. The heat’s set to come on at 69°. When I went into the living room, I realized it was pouring down rain. It rained rather hard and for quite some time too, with gusts of wind to help the rain leak in the back door.

I decided to end my book, A New Life, a New Love, and I’m not happy with the way it turned out. I just ran out of ideas. This is why I could never be a romance writer – because without the suspenseful, adventurous twists murder mysteries have, it’d make for such dull writing/reading. At least, in my opinion, it would. Murder and mayhem seem to be my thing. Maybe that’s why there are so many more mystery writers out there than romance writers. What much more can you add to a romance book after they meet, fall in love and get it on? Either way, I’ll still save and print out this boring, gone-nowhere story for Tom and Mary. It seems I do best with characters who are either in law enforcement, medicine or the performing arts.

Anyway, all that really happened in the story was that a young girl gets hit by a car and is found with no ID on her. Neurologist Rene names her Katrina and the two fall for each other while Katrina undergoes all kinds of therapy to help her amnesia and partial paralysis. Eventually, her ex-girlfriend goes to see her in the hospital and Katrina, whose name is really Brittany, gets her memory back bit by bit. She decides to take Rene’s offer to live with her because her family was abusive.

My next book, Imprisoned Love, will have the usual suspense I like to both read and write. It’ll mainly be about a prisoner who falls for a guard who isn’t always nice to her. Sometimes she is, though, and so the prisoner ends up sort of torn between wanting nothing to do with the guard and wanting to hang onto her as they get it on in and outside of the prison. Meanwhile, while the prisoner is somewhat frightened of the guard, the guard grows increasingly obsessed with her, killing those who try to get in their way.

The dogs still bark their asses off at night, and I’m like, just what are they barking so wildly at anyway? Is it the nocturnal wildlife scurrying about that stirs them up? Or are they just that cold, lonely and neglected?

Piggy may turn out to be an okay rat after all. He let me pick him up last night and all 3 of them were out, though briefly.

I still worry just how much worse things will get before they temporarily improve. With the way God loves to see me stuck in places I don’t want to be, I still fear we’ll end up in some shitbox with neighbors just 50’ away. It’s better than 3’, but much worse than 450’. My vibes pertaining to moving/staying are totally screwed up. As I said before, it seems logical that we’re going to lose the house. We still want to move, it’s just that we’d prefer to do it on our own terms. Instead, whenever I moved as an adult as well as with him, we were pretty much forced to do so. Yes, we wanted out of the Phoenix house, but we were also running at the same time. Anyway, if the evil that we just can’t seem to shake free of doesn’t drive us out of here, then it sure is obvious that it likes to at least tease us with this place and make us think we’re going to lose it.

Nothing compares to the stress I was going through at this time last year. This is nothing compared to knowing I would soon have to face the utter humiliation and degradation of pissing in front of someone.

At 127 pounds, it’s too soon to get my hopes up, but the answer to why I wasn’t losing weight may have been right under my nose all this time. It’s starting to seem like I wasn’t working my heart hard enough or long enough, along with the fact that I wasn’t getting enough fiber. Now begins the real test. If I can get down to 125, then I should be able to get pretty much anywhere. Maybe not the 100 pounds I’d like to be, but perhaps to 110-115. I don’t know, though. I’m still 38 years old, not 20-something, and it’s not in my nature to be thin. If I don’t lose weight, then I guess something up there just doesn’t want me to. On the other hand, I know that losing weight only means asking for a new problem, and so I ask myself, do I really want to trade in my weight problem for a new problem that could be worse?

I’m still pissed that Marge ignored my birthday and at a time we’re so desperate for money. That was cold, really fucking cold.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2003 Tom’s got an ear infection right now. Like we need to be dealing with this shit on top of everything else, and when we’re uninsured? Is there no end to the evil and the hatred from above? We’re doing the alcohol and peroxide treatments and hoping for the best. I’m also putting spells on it. We have to cure it ourselves one way or another because it’d cost many hundreds of dollars we don’t have to see a doctor.

I don’t like Piggy much so far. He’s becoming more and more against being handled and I hate pets that won’t let me handle them.

Brownie’s cool, though. He likes attention as much as Little Fella who’s humongous!

They’re flying again. Amazingly they waited till after I got up to do so, but I’m sure they’ll wake me up in the next week. I’m about due for my next wake-up call anyway.

My hair’s now long enough to put back in a regular braid.

Because we’re sick of struggling so much and need a break, even though it can’t be much of one, we’re going to get each other some treats. He’s going to get lottery tickets and I’m going to make a small incense order as the Walmart kind really is boring! It’ll be just a $20 order, though. I’m getting 100 mini sticks of brown sugar, chocolate and fruit, and 20-packs of angel, raspberry, honey and butter rum, and 5-packs of grape and watermelon. That’s 240 hours of burn time.

I read an interview online that Kate did with this guy hosting it that has a website dedicated to her. I could probably get her to contact me if I had a site of my own, but I’m a little too greedy for that. Meaning, I wouldn’t want to put so much effort into something I couldn’t make money from. Guess I’m just not that obsessed with her. If I was 10 years old all over again and we had computers, you bet I would then!

Anyway, I got a kick out of how she said that if she, Farrah and Jaclyn did a CA movie, it’d be the only real CA movie. How right she’d be, too! The CA movies they made a couple of years ago are a joke. They’re not even real women if you ask me. They look more like girls and I hate that girlie look. Well, I don’t hate it, but it doesn’t turn me on either. I like a woman who’s all woman, even if she’s a bit dyky looking. Either way, I agree with Tom who says it’ll never happen because of their too-big egos. Farrah would want more and more money as if she doesn’t have enough already, and they’d all want to control this and want to control that.

Kate sounds so much like me. Maybe too much to be able to get along and have a relationship had we met and been the same age. She strikes me as the type to complain about my wacky schedule too, and things like that.

I just wish to hell we could have our own home-based business! I know I’m wishing for the impossible, though. I swear God must’ve said the day I was born, “Just hand me your list of dreams that you’ll have throughout life and make sure they never come true.” For the most part, he’s done just that too, but fortunately, the only real dream I have right now is for us to survive and be happy and healthy while we have a little extra spending money for fun. You just can’t get very far working odd jobs all your life where the risk of getting laid off or fired is so high. Odd jobs are what cause you to do okay at times, then struggle at times. It just doesn’t have the security a home business could have if we could come up with a clever enough idea that will keep a steady income coming in. There’s no sense in wasting our time dreaming, though. Tom’s going to have to go work for someone else, spend years working his way back up to the big bucks, then try to keep it going as long as he can till God makes sure his hard work is rewarded with a layoff or a firing.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2003 Now my house vibes are totally weirding out on me. First I was sure we’d be going, then I was sure we’d be staying, and now I don’t know what I sense. Logically speaking, unless someone gives Tom a job that pays $30 an hour in 5 minutes, we gotta be going for sure. I just wish I knew where to! That stuck-in-bad-places obsession God’s got for me has me worried, and the more I try to get away from people, the more he sics them on me, so I’m afraid he’s going to stick us on a tiny shit lot with lots and lots of rowdy people, and of course, in Arizona, there’s the never-ending slew of dogs outside barking 24/7.

It appears my vibes are going to be right about Marge not sending me a birthday card or money, and I fear she’ll stiff us out of our Christmas money, too. Tom assures me it has nothing to do with me and that they’re just selfish in general. This is so true, too. I don’t know what’ll be colder of them in the end; them not giving us birthday/holiday money, or them not even caring enough to take the time to call or email to see how we are, especially when they know we’ve been having a rough time.

I’ll mail their Christmas card that I got from the HS, then I’m so done with them mail-wise. I have really come to have absolutely no respect or admiration of any kind for these people, and I don’t give a damn anymore what they may be sending Doe and Art. These are all people who can’t use anything they may tell each other against me and that I’ll never see again or be forced to deal with anyway so they can exchange all the gossip and pictures they want. I mean, what can they do to me with it? They’re nothing more than just a very bad memory for me.

In much better news, I finally got a letter from Mary today, the day I was to call Carolyn to find out if she knew anything if I didn’t get anything today. It turns out that her cousin died of a seizure. I take it she was young too, but either way, Mary says she’s been in a lot of anguish.

She liked my last book and said it was scary. My current story is unlike anything I’ve ever written so far. It’s a medical romance, and to tell you the truth, I have no idea where it’s going. I mean, I can’t really think of any exciting and adventurous twists and turns to throw in so I may end it where it’s at some time soon. We’ll see. So far, Tom’s favorite is Sacrifices and I think I’d have to agree. He just started Nocturnal Obsession.

She asked about Little Buddy’s picture, and like I told her, I won’t know anything till the end of the year. There’s no way it could win the annual $10,000 prize because pictures of kids always win those. The $1,000 prize is by category. I don’t expect to win that because we never get money when we need it, but maybe I’ll get a medal. After all, what could I do with a medal? All it does is tell me how cute the picture is, but I already know this.

She said she decided against writing Paula as you can’t help those who don’t want to be helped. As I told her, she is so, so right about that! At 36 years of age, I’d say Paula’s definitely beyond help. I think that those who don’t want to help themselves are either too wimpy to do so, too blind to see they’ve got a problem in the first place, or they’re okay with the problem for some bizarre reason. I think Paula, as loyal as she’s been, qualifies for all of the above!

Anyway, it’s the first letter from her in quite a while where she didn’t ask for anything.

Got a Bob letter, too. He was in the hospital I guess for his heart.

Lastly, I got a lipstick sample in the mail which was too dark for a whitey like me. I sent it to Paula along with a letter. With her coloring, it should look nice.

I lost another pound and so now I’m 128. That’s 4 pounds in 2 days! Haven’t done that in ages. As soon as I get stuck again, though, for a day or two, I’ll be back around 130. I still seriously doubt I can get to 125, much less below. Still, I’ll continue sticking to the 4 essential elements – limited cals, exercise, fiber, suppressants when needed.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2003 Tom didn’t go out today to save on gas so I won’t know if there’s any Mary mail till tomorrow. I hope Tom’s mom sent birthday money! I went and checked and found that she did mail it to me last year. I don’t know. I just get the feeling that she’s going to forget about giving me birthday money and us Christmas money this year. That’d be so, so cold of them if they did and even Tom agrees. I’d like to think they wouldn’t be that mean and selfish, but you never know. Due to the fact that they don’t like me and just gave us money, they may not want to give us anything other than the usual junk we can’t use or don’t want like t-shirts and pictures of my fat face.

It’s been a rather dry and warm winter so far this year. I even wear shorts at times during the day.

I wish somebody would give Tom a job! I had vibes about the library calling today, but they never did. Now I really can’t trust the job and stay vibes. I wish he’d get something, though, not just because we need the money, but because I’m sick of him always being here. Not that we’re fighting or anything. In fact, we’ve been getting along quite well and he hasn’t been snapping at me or getting impatient with me when I don’t comprehend something right away, but still, a person needs their privacy every now and then. I do get some when he’s asleep when I’m up, but it’s not the same thing.

Tom and I both agree that my not losing weight is more likely caused by me having too many calories and not enough exercise rather than by something being wrong. I’ve also come to agree that bread isn’t so bad after all as long as it’s within moderation because it helps me keep regular. I had thought that the reason I’d get stuck when trying to diet was because of the calorie cut, but now I think it was due to a lack of fiber in the diet. I still doubt I’ll ever get down to 125 or lower, but the 4 key elements in staying out of the 130s are definitely a well-balanced diet, exercising at least a half-hour a day, limiting my calories, and using suppressants to help me through the hungrier times. I really hope to hell the store-brand suppressants work just as well because without them it’d be so much harder. It’s like the difference between trying to quit smoking cold turkey versus using the gum to quit like I did.

Anyway, I made a total pig of myself the day before yesterday and awoke at 132 yesterday. Yesterday I cut it to around 1000 and awoke at 129 today. This is the first time in a long time that I lost more than 2 pounds in a day, and of course, I’m more regular now. I’m going to make it a point to have at least one sandwich or one potato a day to help keep it that way.

I decided not to bother getting any more incense from Walmart since it’s not all that great. I’ll wait till I can get the good stuff from Incense Galore again.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 7, 2003 Tomorrow marks one month without hearing from Mary if I don’t get anything in the mail at which point I’ll be calling her aunt to see if she knows anything. Or at least knows anything she’s willing to share with me. Meaning, if Mary’s dumped me for whatever reason and has discussed it with Carolyn, Carolyn may not want to be the one to tell me about it. As crazy as it may sound, I think I’ll be more disappointed if it turns out she hasn’t dumped me than I will be if she has, just like I think I’ll end up feeling more disappointed if we stay rather than if we lose the house. On the other hand, that’d all depend on why we lost the house. If we lost it to a smaller piece of land, then no, I wouldn’t be disappointed.

Other than that, there isn’t much new to report. Tom’s been working on setting up our website and has vibes about the library calling Tom tomorrow for an interview, but I don’t trust them. I’m not experienced with vibes like that as I am with tickets, vehicle trouble, sick spells and healing.

Back to Mary – I’m going to continue to send letters on each of the 3 Mondays left of December. Then, if I still don’t hear from her, I’m going to assume she has dumped me and just never had the guts to tell me so and neither did her aunt. Then she’ll be a closed chapter in my life like Andy and so many others. That’s just life, though; people come and go throughout our lives and as long as I always have Tom, that’s okay.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 6, 2003 Today was a sad day for me. This was the day Little Buddy died one year ago. He came to visit me in my dreams, though. At least I think it was him. How miserable it was to lose him, then, to add insult to injury, to have to go sit and hear about the poor, poor victim a few hours later.

The “stay vibes” are still holding. Right or wrong, I just hope we know what’s going on come New Year’s. This waiting and wondering certainly is getting old. I also hope I find out why I haven’t heard from Mary.

My ticket vibes are down so I haven’t been getting tickets. Tom has, though, against my better judgment, and sure enough, he’s been losing.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2003 Yesterday I put together the 550-piece glow-in-the-dark puzzle I got at Walmart. It’s pretty cool. I flipped it over, taped the back, and will put it up on either these walls or the walls wherever we’re going to live if we move. For a while, I had sure-set vibes that we were going to lose the house, but today I’m starting to have vibes about staying. They started right after Tom told me he applied online for a job at Casa Grand’s library. He applied for part-time in the evenings and on weekends, and because it’s a government job, it pays better. Like $10 an hour. If he can find an additional job that also pays well, then maybe we can stay here. We’ll see. There are pros and cons to both staying and leaving, like I said before. I’d like more land, to not have a house payment, and to get further away from people, but I do love this house!

I already packed most of the decorative items and non-necessities, so I’ll have to put those back if we stay, but I won’t mind. It’ll give me a chance to redecorate and I do like to go through things periodically to weed out old junk or shit I never use anymore anyway. We’re still going to have a tag sale even if we stay, but we may hold it in the center of town where it’ll get more attention. The only thing that will be a bitch to put back is the lacy valances. I’ll probably have Tom do it. He’s tall enough to hang the rods on the hooks anyway.

It’s been over a week since I’ve worked on my story. It also seems like they’ve stopped flying every other day, so maybe I’ll work more on it soon. I like to do it when Tom’s not home or is asleep, but we’ve both been on days lately. I don’t like anything around that could distract me.

Here come the renters. Even though it’s dark I can tell it’s them by the sound of the old dumpy truck they’ve been driving lately. They had gone out a couple of hours ago. It’s early yet, so they may go out at least once more.

Memolink gave me 50 birthday points which was cool. I’m up to 2426 now. I’m also signed up for daily freebie/discount emails and I play these scratch ticket games they have at one particular site. I don’t know if any of them are ever allowed to win, but I do it anyway.

I’ve been walking while I watch Kate, though only through the scenes she’s in. I know I should be walking more than 20 minutes a day and eating less than 2000 calories a day, but it’s better than walking 0 minutes a day and eating more than I do in a day.

I’ve officially named the gray and white rat Piggy since he’s quite an eater, and I’m just calling the brown one Brownie.

I’m going to have letters going out to Mary and Paula on Monday. I won’t stop writing Mary weekly till I hear from her. If I don’t hear anything by the new year and can’t get an answer from the aunt, then I’m going to assume she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore for whatever reason and simply doesn’t have the guts to tell me so herself. I don’t know, maybe she’d be afraid of me putting a spell on her. I agree with Tom’s number one assumption, though: she’s probably just broke.

I called Paula today from Tom’s phone and I swear I’ll hang up from now on if that sick cock she’s with is there! I call on precious time and money and she’s yelling, “Mind your own fucking business! She didn’t call here for you.”

The little paranoid shit thinks we’re lovers. It’s like, yeah right! What does he think we do, get it on over the phone?

Anyway, because of the lack of money and her screaming at him and Justin, I only stood on long enough to ask if she got the incense and about the spell. She got the incense, but as Tom said would be the case, it was all broken up. I told her to send me $10 if she wants me to ship more to her in a box. I’m sick of carting the bill here. She ought to pay some of her own shipping expenses for once. She needs to learn that I can’t just give, give and give. She’s got to give a little herself every now and then and do her fair share.

She never even asked about my birthday or said a simple little “thanks” when she confirmed that the spell I put on her did dissolve her cold. So now I know I can do long-distance curses and healing. I’m not surprised. I figured as much, after all. Mary’s silence pertaining to when I’d ask her about it kind of told me the answer, and besides, I figure that if you’re psychic, you’re psychic and so distance shouldn’t matter because psychicness is in the realms of the paranormal. Tom explained to me that because Mary believes in angels, curses would probably spook her, though she did ask me to make sick Todd’s little slut, so I don’t know.

Anyway, I did go ahead and enclose a small envelope made out from Paula to Incense Galore so she can get a free sample since that was no biggie, but like I said, if she wants more incense and CDs, she’ll just have to learn to give a little to get a little. I can’t be expected to do it all.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2003 The renters just returned for the second time since we’ve been home in their obnoxiously loud vehicle, and now it’s their dog I’m listening to, but it’s better than having bass-thumping freeloaders just a few feet away, and besides, we won’t be hearing them much longer anyway.

Haven’t seen lights on at night in front for over a week and they still haven’t set the other house down, much less put it together which is perfectly fine with me. Maybe we’ll be out of here before they’re occupied.

Instead of reporting today, I had a wonderful birthday, even though my birthday’s still 5 hours away. Yesterday was a rather shitty day. For the millionth time, God saw to it that we got ripped off. The unemployment check didn’t come yesterday like it was supposed to so we had to take our chances at the bookstore. We were forced to settle for the measly $18 they gave us because we needed gas. Meanwhile, we had well over $50 worth of stuff. They practically took all the books for free and they didn’t take all the CDs, claiming some were too scratched.

I know that since we’ve got a money-making curse on us that the bulk of the stuff we don’t want to take with us won’t sell, but I’d rather they stay here as freebies than come hog up the precious room we won’t have for a while if it’s just going to be shit we never use anyway.

I only got a couple of books and will order a couple more online soon.

Since we already know for sure that we are going to lose the house, we’re only making sure to pay for the things we need like the electric bill (thank God it’s not summer! At least he gave us that much) and the computer since that’s so much of a lifeline for us. We’ll also keep one of the phones going as well.

I still haven’t heard from Mary and I still don’t know why. I’d still think Carolyn would’ve called if something was wrong, but maybe she lost my new number. I plan to call her next week if I still haven’t heard from her. I know there have been gaps in her letters before, so I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation as to why she hasn’t written.

Again, I know it may sound strange, but a part of me hopes she’s dumped me for whatever reason, so I don’t have to deal with her when she gets out, although that may not be much of an issue if we end up in some other state or in the Kingman area. If we were in Phoenix, she could just run right over in no time at all cuz that’s where she’s going as soon as she gets out.

Did my last story spook her out that much or what? I’d hate to think she could be that much of a wimp, but she does spook rather easily. Despite the fact that it wouldn’t hurt me, since I’m so used to people coming and going from my life, it’d still be way cold and insensitive of her to dump me, if she has, at a time when my birthday’s coming up and we’re going through such a shit time when we need support and encouragement. Then to not have the guts to tell me so; that’d really be being a gutless wimp on top of having no empathy or compassion.

I don’t know, maybe someone’s been stealing her mail to me or she’s been having hernia surgery or is just super broke or super depressed. I hope to hell no inmate has harmed her in any way. Maybe she has a problem with my views and opinions on God which differ drastically between us, but that’d mean that she’d suddenly be radically different than the Mary I always knew. The Mary I always knew has been very tolerant and accepting of those who differ from her, so I don’t know why she’d suddenly have a problem with anything I’ve been saying in letters or journals, but people can change and turn on you. If that is the case, then hell, she could become a bigot towards gays next for all I know and I don’t want anything to do with someone like that.

Anyway, if it does turn out to be over something I’ve said, we are done. After all the years I was forced to associate with domineering control freaks who couldn’t accept others as they were, I really need all the more to be with people who let me be me and if that means only associating with Tom, then so be it.

Mary has gone back on her word once, though. Actually, she’s gone back on it several times. So many times she promised not to keep asking for things I’d keep telling her I either couldn’t or didn’t want to do before she finally got the hint. Then there was that time in jail, of course, when she told me she’d have no problem moving to the big cell if one of us had to go, and then she got all bent out of shape and acted like a spoiled little brat about it when it came time to put her actions where her mouth was.

I decided not to worry about my schedule even though they’re flying again because I’m going to have to worry about it during the move, so I think I’ll take it easy for now. Besides, I get woken up at least once a week in this house anyway, day or night.

Okay, now that I’ve covered the bad and trivial subjects, I shall move on to today’s fun shopping adventure. Like I said, we lost the house anyway, so we’re not worrying too much about money anymore as long as we pay for the necessities. November will probably be our last house payment, but they won’t start getting on us about it till mid-Jan.

We went to Walmart at around noon. It was packed, but because Tom knew where everything was and because we didn’t have to wait in line to use the self-check-out thing that everyone hates, we weren’t in there long.

I had to pick up a few things like popcorn and female stuff. He got himself some soda, and then, we got the Charlie’s Angels DVD! It is so cool to have the whole first season. I also got Hawaiian Ginger perfumed body lotion from Calgon. I tried a sample I got in the mail and Tom and I both agreed it’s nice. I chose the lotion over the spray because it was cheaper and because my dry skin needs lotion anyway.

I also got 3 25-packs of incense, along with a little kit that has cones and mini sticks. The cones are cool as they barely give off smoke and they don’t make the mess sticks do, but they only burn for 15 minutes. Still, I wanted to try cones and now I have. It came with a little wooden burner to put it in. Next to it are two small holes for the mini sticks. I guess this way you can mix the scents, though I prefer to burn them one at a time. They last longer that way. The 25-packs consist of oriental flowers & spices, rainforest, and aromatherapy scents. All the sticks are colored, but not all of them are labeled. The oriental ones aren’t, so all I know is that whatever the bright green stick is, it’s the best one in that pack. It’s either oriental woods or opulent opium. I like the cinnamon, strawberry and jasmine, but the sandalwood is just so-so. Of the aromatherapy packs, I’ve only sampled the serenity so far, but there’s also romance, refresh and strength. Then there’s wildflowers, rainforest and spring bouquet. I haven’t sampled those yet, either, but I have a total of 13 scents.

Our last stop was at the Circle K in Stanfield for snacks, but before that, we got two new rats! They seem very mellow so far. One’s dark brown and the other’s white with really cool dark gray markings. I haven’t come up with names for them yet. Little Fella was ever so happy to meet them and to have roommates again. It’s cute and funny how he always comes and nudges my hand when I go to pat the others, to remind me that he’s my number one. Little Buddy did the same thing when Little Fella was just a baby.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 1, 2003 My body did what it usually does when I get down to 127 and got stuck. In fact, this is the third day of it. The lack of shitting is preventing me from losing weight just as much as my slow metabolism is, so for the millionth time, I ask myself why bother? If my body wants to keep its weight, then I shouldn’t try to force it to do otherwise and try to make it into something it’s not. I’m having a hard time bringing myself to walk too, because it’s discouraging, though I know I should to at least be fit and healthy.

Tom just applied for a work-at-home job where you process internet orders. That’d be too good to be true; us working at home doing that for a few hundred each a week. My only concern with home jobs would be what we’d do as far as insurance goes. I guess we’d have to buy some kind of policy. Anyway, I’m sure it’s not going to happen, so why worry about it? How I wish to hell he could work at home, though, because that’d give us more options as far as where we moved to. If he worked at home we could move to more remote areas.

Later…

I finally got unstuck, but it’s too late. I’ve already been set back up at 130. Oh well. Better to bounce between 127-130 than 197-200. The extra weight will help the next time I get into a fight.

Anyway, we’re not going to the store today because he found out this morning that the unemployment check will arrive in tomorrow’s mail, so we’ll go then. That way we’ll have money in case they don’t buy much from us which would be just our shit luck. We may even get Little Fella a roommate, though nothing else till we know what’s going on (the mice are all gone now).

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electriqueboutiqueradio · 5 months ago

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ELECTRIQUE BOUTIQUE #3, 11/17/23

Download/stream above

Please note that the first few episodes of the show are not great--sound quality/mixing is not quite there yet, and my talking is kind of choppy and awkward. Nevertheless, I'm keeping them available--but maybe start with one of the more recent episodes if this is your first time hearing the show. Thanks!

Tonight, a special homage to Patrick Cowley; solo music from Robert Görl, one half of DAF; Will Powers leaves ‘Graduation (Friends Forever)’ absolutely quaking; the first known synth pop group from the American South; plus music from Niger, the Netherlands, Quebec, and Palestine. Our intro music is “Michael Jackson” by Negativland, and our theme music is “The Taxi” by Young Marble Giants. Listen live every other Friday, 6-8 PM at hollowearthradio.org

Image: Patrick Cowley

Patrick Cowley - Mockingbird Dream (197?/2013) 0:05:15

Art Fact - Whom Are You Dancing For? (1989) 0:09:16

Broadcast - Black Cat (2005) 0:12:03

Robert Görl - Eckhardt’s Party (1984) 0:15:57

The Arms of Someone New - St. Catherine (1985) 0:20:17

Makimakkuk - Tartaqa (2020) 0:26:56

Molly Nilsson - When I Have No Words (2009) 0:30:23

Hama - Terroir (2019) 0:34:49

Family Fodder - Savoir Faire (1980) 0:38:28

Die Welttraumforscher - Natascha (198?) 0:40:58

Jeff Phelps - Magnetic Eyes (1985) 0:47:19

K. Leimer - Life of the Poet (1983) 0:51:03

Aviador Dro - Nuclear Sí (1982) 0:55:05

Cybe - Bali Pulau Bagus (1982) 0:58:03

Bill Nelson - When Your Dream of Perfect Beauty Comes True (1982) 1:00:45

Vyto B - Death Warrant (1976) 1:06:29

Vicious Pink - 8:15 to Nowhere (1986) 1:08:48

Dorothy - Softness (1980) 1:11:33

Princess Demeny - New York Grief ’86 (1986/2021) 1:14:38

Borghesia - ZMR (1984) 1:17:51

Futurisk (1982) - Lonely Streets (1982) 1:24:01

Philippe Laurent - Exposition 5 (1983) 1:29:22

Martin Dupont - I Met the Beast (1985) 1:31:58

Unovidual - Dit is Pas Het Begin (198?/2018) 1:35:32

Sweeping Promises - You Shatter (2023) 1:39:46

Will Powers - Adventures in Success (1983) 1:43:02

08/15 - 1000 gelbe Tennisbälle (1981) 1:51:55

#coldwave #minimal synth #minimal wave #post punk #private press #radio

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nhlbitetv · 10 months ago

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Best NHL Parlay Picks Today, Sunday 3/24: 3-Leg Parlay at mega +890 odds: Panthers break out of slump

A robust lineup of NHL games awaits fans this Sunday, a rarity with its double-digit slate. It's a fitting culmination to a thrilling week of hockey. The puck drops first at 12:30 PM ET in Washington D.C., igniting the clash between the Jets and Capitals. Following this opener, NHL Streams continue throughout the afternoon, evening, and into the night. Sunday's schedule boasts heavyweight showdowns and teams vying for playoff berths, promising an unmissable day of hockey excitement.

Now, let's delve into my three-part NHL parlay for today's matches, and discover our experts' predictions for the key matchups later tonight.

Oilers vs Senators over 6.5 (-130)

Boasting arguably the best player on the planet, along one of the next best players on the planet, there is always potential for an Oilers offensive outburst. Edmonton has scored 23 goals in their last 5 games, they score the 4th most goals per game in the NHL, and have the 2nd best power play in the league.

The Senators, meanwhile, have plenty of offensive upside as well. But it is their lack of goal prevention thta has led to high totals lately. Ottawa has dropped 3 out of their last 4 games, all 4 games hit the over, they allowed 20 total goals in that span, and just scored 5 goals on Saturday. Their goal prevention vulnerability, their offensive upside, and the Oilers’ offensive ability all make a good recipe for an over.

Panthers win -1.5 (+150)

With a mini slump this month, Florida will be battling to get back in the win column. There is not really an argument that the Panthers are the better team between the two. Hence, their -155 money line. But they will also have a chip on their shoulder in this one.

If a slump were not reason enough to play with an extra edge, the urgency is only heightened by the two wins in two games the Flyers have over the Panthers this season. Philadelphia has dropped 3 out of their last 5 and 5 out of their last 9. Look for Florida to come out with some jam and push for a convincing win and a team struggling a bit with consistency.

Stars win -1.5 (+124)

Even for a puck line, the plus money here is too good of value to pass up. While the Coyotes have played better recently, they cannot remotely be relied on to stay in a game. The Stars have also had their number this season. Dallas has won 3 straight games, they are 8-2-0 in their last 10 games, and have beat Arizona in both head to head matchups this season, including in their current winning streak.

The Stars wins over the Coyotes this season have made it 6 straight wins now head to head. Dallas also has won 4 out of their last 5 road games. The Stars are the far superior, more reliable team. Unless they completely mail it in on Sunday, they should be able to take care of business just fine at plus money.

#nhl hockey #nhl players #nhlbite #nhl all star 2024 #hockey #nhl trade deadline #nhlstreams

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bike42 · 1 year ago

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Transfer Days: Thursday and Friday

It shouldn't be that difficult to travel from the west coast of Ireland to Northern Scotland, but it is. There is a Ferry from Belfast, but it only runs late at night and gets to a southwestern port of Scotland, so we’d still burn a day traveling to Inverness! So we opted to fly, but flights out of Shannon had only two options: 7 am (would have been 4am departure from the Falls Hotel) or 5 pm. That option meant a lot of waiting on our hands. We arrived at Shannon at 10am with most of our group. We said goodbye and they checked in, cleared security and prepared to fly home. We couldn’t even check in for our flight until until 3pm. We found a nice table and passed the time playing cribbage - I got skunked by JT in back-to-back games, catching up my blog and reading. At 3pm, we checked in, cleared security, I figured out the VAT tax refund kiosk and got €18 back from my scarf purchase. We went to the bar and ordered pints of Guinness for a last, sad round while we tried to watch the cricket game on TV, then it was time to board our AerLingus flight to Heathrow. I’d booked these via British Air, and there was not even a business class - just one large packed plane full of people. We took our places in the 10th row and realized how spoiled we’ve been flying Delta Plus or First Class most of the last couple of years! It was a short one hour flight to London - no service other than the stewards with a cart of “Duty Free Cigarettes” that they were selling!

We arrived at Heathrow and figured out to clear customs and made our way via train from Terminal 1 to Terminal 5. That took about an hour, and we had two hours between fights. We found that our next leg to Edinburgh was a bit delayed, so we grabbed a burger and walked the designer shops in the terminal until they around a departure time and gate for our flight. This time we were sandwiched into the 17th row! We arrived in Edinburgh about 11pm, so late that they had us unload the plane via the stairs and load a bus to drive to the terminal. We claimed our bags and grabbed a cab for the very short ride to Moxy - a new funky Marriott brand that had a hotel a half mile from the airport. It was about midnight when we climbed into bed for a short nights sleep. We were glad we weren’t staying there long - it was a very comfortable bed with awesome pillows, but a tiny room with no closet and a tiny bathroom. Yoga wouldn’t have been possible in that room!

I’m not sure what I was thinking booking a hotel at the airport when we had 8:30am train reservation at the city center train station, but we had a lovely 30 minute cab ride into the city Friday morning and saw some of the sites of Edinburgh. I’m sure our cabbie would have pointed out more sites, but we really struggled to understand him!

We arrived at the train station in plenty of time to figure out how to print out our pre-purchased tickets from the kiosk and get the lay of the land. They didn’t announce our departure platform until 10 minutes before departure so we had a fast hustle to platform 16 but knew how to work the turnstiles and stash our suitcases so we were better off than many! On the first class train car, we shared a table with a nice couple (Jerry and Sherry) now living in Delaware, originally from California. We passed the three hours on the way to Inverness, swapping stories and hearing about what they had planned for their two weeks in Scotland. I remarked to Jeff that it was refreshing to connect so well with a couple after so many frustrating attempts at conversation with some of the others on our M&M trip - that was a tour of odd ducks (probably what they thought about us too no doubt). When we arrived in Inverness, Jerry offered to grab a cab that could take us to our rented cottage, but it was just a half mile and it was a nice sunny day (again!) so we opted to walk. We may see them tonight at one of the pubs they’d researched for music tonight.

We had an easy walk across the River Ness to our VRBO cottage and found the key in the lock box - always a relief. It’s a really cute little place with bed and bath upstairs and a tiny little kitchen and living space downstairs. A welcome change after two weeks of hotels. This is now our SEVENTH accommodation and we’re getting good at packing up and transferring - packing cube system is working well.

We were starving - only had an energy bite and a pack of shortbread cookies so far today and it was after 1pm. We walked around the corner and had a great lunch and then walked across the street to the grocery store to buy some provisions to make our own breakfasts for the next two mornings (no more big Irish Breakfasts for us!). Back to the cottage, Jeff plopped down on the leather sofa and declared it perfect for napping. These two days of travel, even with lots of downtime have worn us out so it’s good to have this time before jumping into phase three of this journey!

I did a yoga session while JT rested and worked on a Spanish lesson. At 7p we headed out again. The couple we’d met on the train said there would be live music tonight at Hootenanny’s or McGregor’s. We had dinner at McGregor’s which was a more modern place. We chatted with a nice couple from the Chicago area - again, I was relieved to be able to connect with another couple after last weeks’ tour - feeling hopeful about next week’s tour! The music there, however, was disappointing. A talented guy on piano, but doing covers of older American songs (particularly bad rendition of Folsom Prison Blues). After dinner and some yummy Scottish stouts, we headed to Hootenanny’s. A Scottish trio was just setting up to play, so we had single malt whisky (no “e” here in Scotland), and snagged to seats in front. The music was all instrumental - a talented guy on an accordion and he tried to chat up the audience but it fell a bit flat. I liked his kilt though - looked like it could have been a Carhart!

The town was hopping as we walked back to our cottage just before 10pm. Glad we’re in a quieter neighborhood!

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libraryofloveletters · 4 years ago

Note

buck x fem reader work together / secretly dating but they act like they hate each other and the team doesn’t know. reader is also bobby’s daughter (or niece up to you) and scared of his reaction (prompts 17, 37, 42, 81)

Unconventional

Evan Buckley x Reader

Prompts: #17: “We shouldn’t be doing this”, #37: “Uh why is your shirt inside out?”, #42: “I love you”, #81: “I can explain”

Warnings: fem!reader, worrying, vulgar/suggestive comments (kinda but not really ?), suggested sexual content, a few swear words, kissing, mentions of hospitals, surgery and injuries.

Category: fluff with a lil angst

Word Count: 4.4k

Author's Note: I wrote it as bobby’s niece, it just made more sense :) hope you liked it!!

----

Evan Buckley was a pain in your ass.

He had been since the day you met him. His annoyingly attractive face, his stupid pretty blue eyes and his smile, not to mention how sweet he was. You couldn't help but hate him. Not in the typical “I hate your guts and hope you fall down a flight of stairs” way but in the “god you’re gorgeous and I want to marry you” way.

Did you plan on liking the ridiculously attractive firefighter ? Most definitely not.

Were you also planning on dating him in secret ? Also a no.

Hence why you were sitting in his jeep on a Saturday at 3 in the morning. The two of you had gone on a date to this little restaurant outside of the city but everything that could go wrong kind of did go wrong.

Buck’s shift was supposed to end at 6 but they got a call last minute so he didn’t get home until 7:30. You called to push the reservation back and when he did pick you up, you got stuck in traffic. By the time the two of you got to the restaurant, it was 8:30 and the woman said she called to see if the two of you still needed the reservation but there was no answer (she didn’t call but neither of you were in the mood to argue) - Now it's 9 pm and the two of you still haven't had dinner. Venturing down the block, there was nowhere that seemed appealing. The night really began at some random mom and pop dinner you spotted by the beach. Deciding to have your own little dinner date on the beach, it was now 9:30. Buck had a blanket in the trunk (you didn’t ask why nor did you really wanna know) and you sat on the beach and had dinner. Time flew by, it was around 1 when the two of you began wondering what time it was.

The date was now prolonged by Buck’s craving for something sweet so once again, the two of you were on a hunt but for somewhere to go. He googled the closest ice cream parlour but most places were closed, he searched until he finally found a place that was 20 minutes away. It was totally worth the drive considering it was some of the best ice cream you've had in your life. Which now brought you to 2:20 in the morning, the two of you were still sitting on the hood on his jeep, a container of half eaten ice cream between you.

Buck looked over at you, a smile on his face. “Did you have fun ? despite, you know, all the shit that went wrong ?” you chuckled, “I did.” Buck had a shift at 11 so it was time for the night to come to an end. One of his hands held yours and the other on the wheel, you were staring out the window as the breeze blew by.

“Something on your mind babe?” Buck asked you, glancing over at you as you turned towards him.

“We shouldn’t be doing this” you mumbled, you didn’t want to end things with him but that didn’t mean that you didn’t have doubts about where this relationship was going. “What do you mean ?” he asks, his eyes on the road. “I mean how long are we going to hide this from everyone ?” your eyes back out the window, Buck sighed and the conversation dropped. There were a few minutes of silence and the tension filled the car, Buck finally spoke up “you were the one that didn’t want to say anything.” his voice came off a bit harsher than you expected, letting go of his hand, your body shifted towards the door and way from him. He noticed your change in emotion and seating.

“Babe, I'm sorry. It's just that you didn’t want to say anything and it’s entirely your choice. I get it but we can figure it out. One step at a time, okay ?” Buck looks over at you when he pulls into the parking lot. “Yeah, I know. It’s fine.” leaning over the console to press a kiss to his cheek. “Good night Buck, thank you for tonight” you give him a smile and get out of the jeep. Buck follows you, “let me walk you up,” he grabs your wrist, the two of you stopped in the middle of the parking lot. “That’s fine, I'll text you so you know I’m okay. You need to get home anyways, you have a shift and you need your sleep” shaking your head, you pull your hand away from him and head inside before he can ask again.

He was right, it was your choice not to say anything but you weren't sure how your uncle would react. This relationship wouldn't just affect your relationship with him but also his relationship with Buck. You didn’t- couldn't let Buck jeopardize his work life for his love life.

Shutting the door once you get into your apartment, you send a text to your boyfriend.

To Lover Boy Buck: I’m home, text me when you get home. Sleep well <3

From Lover Boy Buck: Just pulled in, goodnight babe

----

Athena’s birthday was on Saturday and Bobby had planned a surprise party for her. With a little help from May, things were in place.

Bobby had taken Athena out for lunch at some fancy cafe that was impossible to get into and then to see a play. While they were out, you headed over to their place to help May set up. Upon arriving, you saw that Hen was already there as was Buck.

“Good afternoon my loves!” you shout as you walk over to the kitchen. “I come with coffee” you hand a cup to May and the other to Hen, the two are thankful for the coffee as you had a shit ton of decorating to do and only a few hours to get it done. Buck leant against the wall by the kitchen entryway, “where's mine?” he asked which made you roll your eyes. “Didn’t know that you were gonna be here, no one invited you anyways.” you reply, sorting through the packages of balloons on the table, you toss one and it hits him square in the face.

“Ow!” he shouts, rubbing his cheek.

“Oh did I hurt you ?” you ask, pouting at him mockingly.

Considering the weird note that the two of you left on during your last date, plus not being able to see each other that week left things in a bit of a mess.

May and Hen exchange glances, “Buck, how about you help put up the banner in the backyard ?” she practically dragged Buck by the arm and into the yard. May was in the kitchen icing some cupcakes that she and Harry had made the night before when she called for you.

“Why don't you get along with Buck ? I don't know him all the well but he seems like a good guy” May pleads his case unintentionally.

He is a good guy

“Ever meet someone and you just don’t like them ?” you ask, she hums. “That’s me with Buck” is what came out instead.

“I get it.” she nodded, she began telling you about a guy in her chemistry class that just got on her nerves all the time. You excused yourself when the doorbell rang. Chim and Maddie had arrived right as Karen pulled into the driveway with Denny and Nia. You let everyone in and they began helping too. About an hour later, Eddie arrives with Chris and the cake. You take the cake from him so he can help Chris with his jacket.

“Buck!” you shout

“Yeah ba- yeah ?” he corrects himself last second. Your eyes widen at the word that almost slipped out of his mouth. No one seem to catch it except for Chim who gave you a weird look but you just brush it off.

“Take this, I need to change.” you hand the cake off to him and head to the bathroom to change into your dress. A few moments later, there was a knock on the bathroom door and then it opened.

“Hey! I'm chang- oh it’s just you” you mumble as he shuts the door. Buck’s back pressed up against the door. “Are you just gonna watch me or are you going to help me?” you turn, your back towards him now. Pulling your hair over your shoulder, you feel one of Buck’s hands on your waist and then the tug of the zipper.

“Must you always fight with me, y/n ?” he presses a kiss to your shoulder, his arms wrapping around your waist. “Must you always get on my nerves, Evan ?” you were looking back at him in the mirror, he flashed you a smile and nodded, a rather amused look on his face. “Yeah, it's kind of my job to irritate you” his arms loosen as you turn around to face him now, leaning back against the counter. “Well I guess then I have to fight with you” running your hand through his hair, he leans into you, his forehead against yours.

“You know, they say make love, not war” he whispers, his lips almost touching yours. A little chuckle slips past your lips, “is this your way of saying that we should stop fighting ?” you mumble as you press a kiss to his lips. Buck pulls you closer to him - which you didn’t even think was possible, “no, it’s my way of saying we should make love” he smiles against your lips as he lifts you up onto the counter and you let out an obnoxiously loud laugh. “Oops” a hand comes up to cover your mouth. Buck can't help but smile, you were adorable and all he wanted was to go out there and tell everyone that he’s in love with you, something he hadn't even told you yet, but at last, he could not.

“You’re cheesy, you know that right ?” looking up at him whilst you fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “If you want to fuck me, just say so” he tells you to which you reply “you're so vulgar Evan” while rolling your eyes.

“Oh I'll show you vulgar” he chuckles and pulls off his shirt, his hand reaching behind you to unzip your dress.

Buck left the bathroom first, the house had filled up within the 20 minutes the two of you were in the bathroom. He ran his hand through his hair in hopes to fix it from the tugging that just happened. As he stepped out into the backyard, his sister’s voice called out to him.

“Buck!” she walked over, “you’ve been so busy I haven't gotten a chance to say hi yet” she pulls her brother into a hug. Maddie’s face screws into a confused look. “Did you try a new body wash or something ?” she looks up at Buck, his brows furrow but he shakes his head. “Why?” he asks, “you smell like mint” she informs him.

You step out into the backyard, a tube of mint chapstick between your fingers, being applied to your lips. Buck’s eyes were on you, watching as the tube rubbed across your lips, his mind back to those lips were moments ago. Chimney’s voice caused him to pull his eyes away from you and onto him.

“Uh why is your shirt inside out?” Chim asks him, brows raised. Buck looks down and his shirt is on inside out, “uh, I- uh I had to change.” he says, hoping they’d believe him.

“You had that shirt on when we got here.” Chim had a puzzled look on his face.

“Oh Christopher is calling for me, excuse me” Buck walks off before they could say anything. He did indeed make his way over to Eddie and Chris, you were on the other side of the backyard when your phone chimed.

From Lover Boy Buck: Couldn't you have told me my shirt was on inside out?

To Lover Boy Buck: And how was I supposed to know that ? I didn’t have time to look at you

From Lover Boy Buck: Oh really ? You had plenty of time a few minutes ago

To Lover Boy Buck: Behave.

From Lover Boy Buck: Make me.

You roll your eyes at his comment, May coming out and shouting that they just pulled in. Everyone stood by the backdoors, waiting for Athena and Bobby to come in.

Athena had a blindfold on as Bobby led her down the stairs to the backyard. “I swear if you did somethin-” he undoes the blindfold mid sentence.

“Surprise!!” everyone shouts, Athena had a huge smile on her face. She turns to Bobby, “you did all this ?” he smiles but shakes his head, “I had some help” nodding towards May, Athena walked over to her daughter to give her a hug. Bobby and Athena went around to say hello to everyone, Bobby coming over to you and Eddie, Buck and Chris were sitting beside each other. “Hey” Bobby smiled at the two of you, “hey” you smiled back before you gave him a hug.

“What do I own you for today ?” he asks you

“Nothing at all, I'm glad I could help.”

“Are you sure kid ?”

“Yeah, I'm good. I’ll let you know if I need something uncle Bobby”

He smiles and goes off to talk to Chim and Maddie. Eddie switches places with Buck, Christopher showing his father the trick that Buck just showed him. “You’re good with kids” you tell him, “yeah, I know” he replies. “You're also an arrogant asshole but perspective I suppose.” Buck chuckled at your comment, watching as you walked away.

It was a while before you sat down for dinner, you were in the house with Bobby, helping him bring stuff out while everyone got seated. When you returned, there were two seats left. One at the head of the table, which was where your uncle was currently headed, leaving you no choice but to sit beside Buck. “Pass me the green bowl ?” he asks you, “no thanks” you reply nonchalantly. Bobby gives you a look, “y/n, pass him the bowl” you sighed and handed the bowl to Buck who was snickering. It took all of you not to smack this man in front of everyone.

A hand on your upper thigh startled you, you coughed and Eddie looked at you from across the table, his brows furrowed. Your hand comes down to rest on top of Buck’s. Chris followed his father’s look over to you, “are you okay y/n?” he asked you sweetly, you smiled at him. “I’m okay buddy, thank you for asking” Buck bit the inside of his cheek, holding back a smile. Oh how he wanted to kiss you right now, but again, he couldn't really do that, could he? He settled for holding your hand under the table like teenagers for now.

----

8 o'clock and you were supposed to be there 20 minutes ago. Bobby was probably there wondering where you were. You were supposed to be having dinner with your uncle tonight to tell him about you and Buck. Buck offered to tell him but you felt like it was only right for you to tell him.

You dialled the number but it rang out. You assumed he was still driving or maybe he was ruining late too. The phone rang while you searched for something to wear. It was Bobby.

“Hey!” you answer, “I'm gonna be a little late”

“Y/n, we’re gonna have to take a rain check on dinner.” Something was wrong, you could tell from the way he answered.

“Everything okay ? Are you still at work ?”

“I’m at the hospital.”

“What? Why? Are you okay ? Is it Athena ?”

“Athena and I are fine. It’s Buck, he’s in surgery right now. I don't think I'll be leaving anything soon. I’m sorry about dinner.”

Your heart dropped when he said it was Buck.

“Did anyone tell Maddie ? Do you want me to pick her up ?”

“It's alright, Chim went and got her. You don't have to come, we’re ok-”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes”

Grabbing the keys, you’ve never run down the stairs so fast in your life. The whole drive over, it felt like the world was moving in slow motion. He’d still be in surgery when you arrived but you needed to know what happened.

I love you Evan Buckley.

The 5 words replaying in your head over and over again. The 5 words you hadn’t gotten the chance to say to him. The team plus Maddie and Athena were in the waiting room. Bobby came over and gave you a hug, “is he okay ? Did you guys hear anything ?” you ask as you sit beside Maddie. “Not yet” Bobby returns to his seat.

“Mads, I'm sorry” you gave her a hug, she gave you a small smile. “It’s okay. Buck’ll pull through. He always does.”

3 hours later and still nothing, he had been in surgery 2 hours prior to you arriving, bringing it to a total of 5 hours. Athena and Bobby left for a few minutes to see if they could get an update on him. You looked around the room, Eddie was leant against the wall, his legs on the chairs in front of him, Hen stood by the window on the phone with who you assumed was Karen. Chim’s arm was wrapped around Maddie, her head resting on his shoulder.

Bobby and Athena returned telling everyone that there was no update other than he was still in surgery. Your leg bounced as you waited, Bobby rested a hand on your knee when he sat back down.

“You okay kid ?”

“Mhm hm why ?”

“You only bounce your leg when you’re nervous. You’re sure you’re okay ?”

“Yeah, I'm gonna go get some coffee” you announce as you get up. If you spent another minute in that room, you were going to combust, you couldn't take it. “Does anyone want anything ?” there were a few mumbles of no but Eddie gets up and says he’ll come with you. The two of you walk down the hallway to the other end. Slipping a bill into the machine, it buzzes and then nothing. Eddie watches as you push the button a few times. Frustrated and tired, your hand smacks against the machine. A few nurses glare in your direction.

“Hey, go get some air okay ? I’ll get the coffee and meet you outside” Eddie’s hand on your back, leading you to the doors.

“Eddie, I'm fine”

“Y/n, go. You’ve been in here for a while and honestly, I could use the air too.”

Not in the mood to protest, you step outside. It was a little past 11 now, it was dark and cold out. Your back pressed up against the brick wall, the coldness seeping through your shirt. A hand running over your face in an attempt to wake you up, you sigh as the door opens.

“Here” Eddie handed you a mug that didn’t look like it came from a machine. The mug read “#1 nurse” on it and his says “world’s best mom” your brows furrow, looking at the man standing beside you. “I sweet talked one of the nurses, it's fine. I promised to return the mugs when we're done.” he says casually, making you smile. You had always enjoyed Eddie’s company, he didn’t ask questions or poke around in your life, he just lived in the moment.

“Cute shirt” he chuckles, looking down at the blue t-shirt you had on. You hadn't realized that you left wearing it. “Oh thanks” you mumble, taking a sip of coffee. “It’s Buck’s, isn't it?” he asks, you almost choked on the coffee.

“Wha- why would you ask me that ?”

“It reeks of his cologne,” Eddie chucked. “I’ve known for months, y/n. The two of you aren't as slick as you think.”

“Who else knows ?”

“No one that I know of, Chim has an idea but he hasn't said anything”

You hummed, looking out at the parking lot in front of you. “Does Bobby know ?” Eddie’s eyes practically burn into your side.

“I was going to tell him tonight.”

Eddie’s phone buzzed before he could say anything else. “Let’s go in, the doctors are out.” Eddie followed you into the building and back into the waiting room. The doctor has just stepped in, she glanced back at you and Eddie, “Are you here for Buckley as well ?”

“Yeah, how is he?” Eddie asks, the two of you step further into the room. “He’s stable as of now, we managed to stop the bleeding. He’s asleep but he’s got a long road ahead of him.” the doctor inform everyone, you watch as Maddie lets out a sigh, her hand squeezing Chim’s. “I can take someone in, if they’d like to go in” Chim let go of Maddie’s hand as she went to follow the doctor down the hall. Eddie could sense the change in body language, you were relaxed until Maddie stepped out with the doctor. His hand rests on your back again, “let’s sit down. You can go in after” he whispered to you. To anyone else in the room, it would look like something was happening between you and Eddie but he was just comforting you. There was nothing happening.

The person you were in love with was laying in a hospital bed at the other end of the hallway.

One by one, everyone went in to see him. Chim went in first, meeting Maddie in his room. When they return, they let everyone know he’s awake. Bobby and Athena are next, they go in for a few minutes. Hen was after them, you could hear them laughing from the other end of the hallway.

It was so good to hear him laugh.

You and Eddie went in last. Eddie sat beside his bed on the chair, he and Buck having a conversation. Eddie looked over at you, you were standing by the door. “I think I'll go call Chris and let him know you’re alright” Eddie pats Buck’s shoulder before stepping out the room.

Buck’s attention was now on you. “hey you” he mumbles, trying to shift into a sitting position. “Don’t move, you’ll rip your stitches.” you take a seat where Eddie was a few moments ago. Buck’s hand reaches for yours, although he was awake, his hand felt cold. Your hand rubbed against his, his eyes on you. Neither of you say anything to the other.

“I thought I lost you for a minute there.”

“You’ll never lose me, y/n” Buck’s hand squeezes yours.

“But I almost did and I hated every minute of it.” the tears welling up by your eyes, you blink a few times to get rid of them but instead a few slip down. Buck reaches up to wipe your tears, his hand cupping your cheek.

“All of this for me ?” he teases, “there was no need to worry, you know that, right?”

“You scared me you ass, don't do that” you sniffle, your hand wrapping around his wrist.

“Y/n, I need to tell you something” his eyes were on yours, now you were worried again. “Okay, what is-”

“I love you” he blurts out.

“Oh Buck” you breathe, the soft expression on his face changes to a worried one. “Oh god, I'm sor-” your hand comes up and covers his mouth.

“I love you too” you smile at him, you can feel him smile against your hand. Moving your hand to his cheek, “you do ?” he asks, you nod. “How can I not ?” Leaning out of the chair, your lips meet his. Your hand is still cupping his face and his hand lifting off the bed to meet your waist. Shifting from the chair to the bed, you sat beside Buck, your lips still on his.

“Excuse me?” someone clears their throat, Buck pulls away to look at who's by the door. Bobby stood in the doorway, his arms folded in front of him and a rather amused Athena beside him. Buck’s eyes widen, you look over your shoulder to see your uncle standing there.

“I can explain. Bobby I-” Buck starts, but Bobby cuts him off. “It’s okay Buck, I know.” he steps into the room.

“You do?” the two of you say at the same time, both of you looking at him. Bobby nods, “I might be old - well older than you two but I’m not dumb” he chuckles, “if anything, you two are the dumb ones for thinking I wouldn't know.” he says

“I was going to tell you at dinner”

“I figured as much, I also figured you’d want to be here when Buck woke up”

“Thank you for calling” you smile at him, he gives you a nod. “Everyone is heading home, are you going to stay with him ?”

You hum, your attention back on Buck. You could hear Athena and Bobby whispering in the back and then the door shuts. Buck shifts slightly on the bed, making space for you. Laying on your side, beside him, your finger traces over the words tattooed on his forearm. The world had come to a pause finally, the things around you didn’t matter right now. Everything you cared about was beside you, the hospital wasn't the ideal place but all you cared about that he was okay.

“Tell me again” you whisper, your head on his shoulder. Buck turns his head to look at you.

“I love you y/n l/n”

“I love you Evan Buckley”

Turns out you did get to say those 5 words after all.

---

Taglist: @reiidsbby @ssa-volturi @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover @venusrosepetal @mikaelson-emma @beth-winchester21 @averyhotchner

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reids-rendering-reality · 4 years ago

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Blind Date

Summary: Derek Morgan sets up two of his friends for a blind date. They have never heard of each other or seen each other. But something tells Derek’s intuition they would get along well.

Type: fluff

Warnings: talking about serial killers

Word Count: 1.9K

Spencer Reid’s POV

I walked into work on a regular Tuesday morning, coffee in hand, a book tucked under my arm and my bag draped over my shoulder. I wasn’t expecting anything at all, being the first to walk in as per usual. Following my typical routine for paperwork day I sat down at my desk and went through file after file on that big pile in front of me. After about 30 minutes the others walked in. Still, everything appeared completely normal. So normal in fact, that it was almost suspicious.

“Hey, pretty boy,“ Derek said loudly as he walked directly towards me, without even stopping at his desk first, “I have an idea that you’re not going to like at first, but you’ll agree to anyway.“

“If I’m not going to like it, why would I agree to it?“ I asked curiously and looked up at him as he came to a halt right in front of my desk.

“Because I am asking you to and you will thank me later. Now hear me out please.“

“Alright,“ I responded, shifting in my seat towards him and pushing my glasses up a little.

“So, you know how the other day you said that you never go out on dates?” He obviously noticed my face flush as my eyes darted around the room to check if someone else was listening, “I was thinking, how about I play the wingman to help you get a date?”

“You want to play the what?” I asked confused and shocked simultaneously.

“Forget it,” he said hastily, “what I’m trying to say is, I set you up for a date.”

“You did what?” I could hear my voice getting louder the more shocked Derek made me. Again looking around, I noticed Emily exiting the elevator.

“A friend of mine – a female friend, who is also single – recently complained to me how she always dates the bad guys and how she just wishes for a good guy to come along and sweep her off her feet. So I set up a blind date for you guys. Listen, Spencer, I know this is uncomfortable for you, but it’ll be fun. Just agree to it and see what happens. You can become friends with her or never speak to her again afterward. But just give it a shot, maybe you’ll even get lucky,” Derek grinned at me.

I thought about it for a moment. Why was I even considering it? This is a crazy idea! She probably wouldn’t like me anyway and I would just embarrass myself for a few hours before going home and reading the book just as I had planned. But the way Derek was looking at me like he would never let me say now, and just that little sliver of something similar to hope made me nod my head slowly and uncertainly.

“Great! Wait – it was that easy to convince you?” Derek asked, a little shocked.

“It was this easy to convince him to do what?” Emily, who now reached us, interjected.

I went to yell a quick “nothing” before the situation got out of hand, but Derek was faster and began explaining the scenario.

“And he agreed to a blind date? Looks like our genius isn’t that much of a recluse after all,” Emily mused as she walked away towards her desk.

---

Y/N’s POV

To say I was nervous was an understatement. I hadn’t been on a proper date in like forever plus 2. But I promised Derek I wouldn’t bail on him and go to the restaurant anyways.

So here I was, entering a beautiful Vietnamese restaurant that Derek picked out 5 minutes before 8 pm on a Friday. To ensure the blind-dateness of it all, the table was reserved in Derek’s name. And he picked the perfect spot. In the back corner, a little bit further from everyone else, but with a view out the window into Washington D.C’s buzzing nightlife.

The waitress led me to the table, which was not yet occupied. I sat down against the wall to make sure I would see whoever came in. Taking off my coat to reveal my satin dress underneath I shivered lightly at the lack of warmth. Maybe it was the nerves too. Taking a deep breath and looking out the window into the night, I tried to force myself to calm down. I did not want to make a bad impression on one of Derek’s friends. If he was one of his friends? I knew nothing about this man. Just that it was one. A man.

Just as I began getting lost in my thoughts of who would be my dining partner, I noticed footsteps approaching me. My clock read 7:58. At least he’s very punctual. Looking up towards the body the feet belonged to, my heart began beating faster.

In front of me was a tall, handsome man with longish hair, dressed in a fine black suit and a deep crimson shirt. He looked shy, his eyes wide open and his lips slightly parted. He turned to thank the waitress and I examined his portrait. Ugh, he was definitely attractive. I thanked Derek in my thoughts for knowing my type and giving this man a head start.

“Can I sit here?” his voice was quiet as if he were as uncertain as I was. I nodded and smiled slightly, to calm both his nerves and mine. He sat down and for the first time our eyes properly met. And for a second we just stared.

I was the first to look away, my nervousness taking over, “um- I’m Y/N”.

“Hi, I’m Spencer,” he said more confidently now.

After exchanging the expected small talk about how we both knew Derek and what we did for a living, we ordered our food. This is the moment I feared. Chitter chatter out of the way, waiting for the food. What if there was nothing to talk about now?

“You’re studying medicine?” he asked to draw my attention and I nodded, “how are you enjoying it?”

And boy, he should not have asked that. With my heart racing in my chest, so were my words. I began a ramble on how I always wanted to study it and what excited me the most. When I realised how much I was talking I abruptly stopped with an awkward, “so yes. I am enjoying it.”

He grinned slightly, which eased some of my nervousness. I smiled back at him slightly.

“I’ve been meaning to say, you look beautiful tonight,” he said and for the first time that evening, he sounded confident. I guess my ramble eased his nerves too. Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I quietly thanked him.

Right then, the waiter came and brought our food. We ate in silence for a little while, but it wasn’t awkward. If anything, it was serene. We looked at each other occasionally, appreciating the other’s presence.

After a while, Spencer spoke up, “did you know that the reason why Vietnamese food is so healthy is partly because they don’t use that much oil? And of course also because the food contains so many vitamins, like C, B1, B6, and B3, but also many trace elements, for example, zinc, copper, magnesium, and potassium.”

I looked up at him as he started talking and nodded attentively, “no. I did not know that. But now I feel encouraged to eat Vietnamese more often.”

We finished our dinner with pleasant conversation, Spencer interjecting a few interesting facts here and there. I quickly realised he must be incredibly intelligent, which made me even more attracted to him. But I must admit, I was pretty proud when I knew some of his facts and could even add to them with my knowledge. For example when we got to the topic of serial killers (which of course was unavoidable given his job):

“So one gene that could make a person psychopathic is the gene coding for monoamine oxidase A. If you have one version of it, the protein becomes ineffective and can’t break down your brain’s monoamines like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. One study on a family in Holland found that they all had a version of it where the protein was completely ineffective. And they had unusually high levels of aggression and violence in that family,” Spencer said. His speed was almost hard to keep up with, but me hanging onto every word he said helped.

“I know! But the gene alone doesn’t suffice to make someone more aggressive. A study found that which gene version you have interacts with your environment during childhood. In maltreated children the effect on aggression can be seen way stronger than in children with a normal childhood,” I responded excitedly, leaning forward onto the table.

But Spencer didn’t respond. Instead, he froze, his lips parting as his jaw dropped a little. He stared at me with an emotion that appeared to me like shock mixed with fascination – and maybe awe? I didn’t know what to do so I just looked back at him shyly, feeling a blush creeping onto my cheeks.

That night, Spencer drove me home, like a gentleman. When we arrived at my apartment, he got out of the car and walked me to the door.

“I had a really nice time tonight,” I said softly looking up at him.

“Me too,” he smiled, and then a sudden wave of nervousness washed over him, “would you maybe – I don’t know – want to… do this again some time? Only if you want to of course.”

A smile spread onto my lips as well, “I’d love to.”

---

Spencer’s POV

The Monday following my dinner with Y/N, I walked into the office with a slight bounce in my step. I was still ecstatic over how well it went, and that I even had a chance with her. We had texted all weekend, about anything and everything.

“Hey Reid, come over here,” Derek shouted at me from his desk.

My face instantly flushed as I realised I would now have to spill all the details to him.

“How did the date with Y/N go?” he asked curiously. I could feel the eyes of Emily and JJ on the back of my neck from Emily’s desk.

“Um- it went well, I guess,” I said, shuffling my feet around awkwardly.

“It went well? Come on, Spence, give us more details!” JJ said as the two of them came to join me and Derek as well.

“Yeah, I mean we talked a lot and she enjoyed my fun facts. We will go on a second date soon, we even texted all weekend,” I stuttered, not meeting any of them in the eye.

“See? What did I tell you, Reid? You would not regret this,” Derek told me and then turned to the girls, “am I one hell of a matchmaker or not?”

They giggled slightly as my hands reached up to feel my burning skin.

“I knew she would be your type, just like you’re exactly hers. Enjoy it, kid, she’s a keeper for sure,” Derek said while patting my shoulder as he left for the coffee machine.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fluff #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #criminal minds smut #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid imagine

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whatdoesshedotothem · 2 years ago

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Thursday 19 July 1838

11 50

up for 20 minutes (25 minutes after George called me) at 6 50 – then lay on the bed till 8 – my room suffocating – felt as if I could do nothing – very hot – F74 ½° now at 9 ¼ am Josephine proposes my taking away the chimney board – good – I never thought of it – read a few pages – breakfast and eating strawberries (no paper this morning) and reading from 9 ½ to 10 55 – then reading again – Chausenque – vol. 1 account of the Piméné vid. p. 331 et seq. till had Charles at 11 10 for about an hour till 12 10 – He was Chausenque’s guide – read him C-‘s observation ‘Vignemalle [Vignemale] inaccessible du côte de France – p. 339’ Charles says a man of Gèdres has discovered the way to the top – told Charles to make inquiries – had written out the whole of yesterday and so far of today at 1 35 – sat reading till 2 ¾ vid. Chausenque i. p. 235 Description of Le Caillou de la [Raillé] and 237 description of the chapelle de Héas. then with A- (who had been writing letter to Mrs. Fenton) till the horses came at 2 ¾ - A- and I off at 3 – went into the nice neat little newly done up church at Sassos [Sazos or Sassis] – like a little Spanish church – all newly gilded about the great altar – and over the west door a painted imitation organ and loft for the singers – then to the source ferrugineuse at 4 ¾ - tasted the water – very slightly chalybeate – then rode forwards to Viscos ‘le village le plus sauvage du pays’ there at 5 10 the wolves enter the houses in winter and pick up what they can find, but run away on peoples’ coming – it was from here that the duchesse d’Angoulême took the old censor of the time of the Temples, and gave the commune a silver censor instead of the one she took or rather that the commune consented to give her – we wanted to see this silver censor and the church but they key could not be found – from a peep thro’ the crevice in the door and thro’ a little slit of a window (loophole) we judged the little church was not much better than a stable – the cure of the good-looking village of Chedre? on the opposite side the valley has also the church of Viscos and does duty at one in the morning and the other in the afternoon of every Sunday – ¼ hour at Viscos till 5 25 poor little village tho’ much like all the rest except the very good ones – we both walked down to the highroad and both remounted at 6 20 – A- soon trotted and was at home ½ hour before me – I went with Charles to his house at Luz to see his Capes – if he had anything that would do for me –

SH:7/ML/E/21/0149

yes! brought away his new one = 30/. very thick heavy cloth, but as good or better for my purpose than what I could buy at the fabrique which would cost me making and all more than double the price of Charles’s which is ready – brought it home – agreed to pay him the 30/. or pay him for the damage I might do – i.e. pay him for the loan – home at 7 ½ - dinner at 7 ¾ - sent for Mr. Fabas (A-‘s face so heated) – he came for a few minutes (4th visit including the water mixing after his 1st visit) a little before 10 – A-‘s pulse good – all right – the waters beginning to take effect – then general effect exciting – A- a little heated – had better leave off her baths for a day or 2 days – A- unwilling to do this – he then said recommended a lotion (of [?] with a little poppy) – to wash her face – would order it to be sent tonight – immediately – a lady had been thrown from her horse at or near Sassos [Sazos or Sassis] this afternoon – just before we were there – Mr. F- had bled her at home (at her house near the baths here) at 3 ½ - wonder how we missed her – her face dechirée and one or 2 little contusions but nothing serious – came to my room at 10 ¼ and had Josephine immediately – sat reading Charpentier till 11 ½ - very fine day – F72 ½° now at 11 ½ pm

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lalainajanes · 4 years ago

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This completes column #2 on my bingo card, the square was “Eager Backstage Groupie”

Another Shot of Courage

Saturday, May 1st, 8:16 AM

Caroline wakes up in an unfamiliar bed, in the little black dress she'd worn to Kat's birthday party, with a headache and a foul-tasting mouth. She's sprawled in the middle of a very large mattress, so the first thing Caroline does is explore. She stretches her arms out tentatively, expecting to poke someone (hopefully an unobjectionable someone) awake.

She appears to be alone, and Caroline relaxes into the fluffy pillows. She wiggles experimentally, satisfied when her bra and underwear dig into uncomfortable areas and gives in to the temptation to burrow under the duvet.

She just needs a minute to regret her life choices before she confronts them. Caroline sighs, stretches, and her fuzzy head begins to clear, memories sharpening.

And yikes.

Can she stay in her self-made blanket fort forever? A lot of her conduct last night had been highly irrational, some of it downright hypocritical. She is a public relations professional, highly sought after. Her clients pay many pretty pennies for her services.

Had she seriously mauled Klaus Mikaelson in one of the trendiest clubs in LA?

Caroline tugs down the blanket, intent on confirming her suspicions, allowing her to look around and study the room with new eyes.

There's a brick fireplace at the end of the bed, a wide armchair in front of it – not particularly revealing. Her eyes flick to the left. There's nothing, but dark curtains pulled tight over a wall of windows.

When she looks to the right, there's a smoking gun. Well, kind of. It's a drafting table, an easel, and shelves featuring paintbrushes, haphazardly stacked sketchbooks, and a bunch of other things that Caroline doesn't currently have the brainpower to identify.

She considers slipping out of bed and checking to see if those curtains cover any kind of door. She thinks it's logical to assume so. She's only been to Klaus' home a few times, tries to insist they meet at her office. She's never ventured far beyond the kitchen and living rooms, but it's a Spanish-style bungalow on a sprawling lot. Why wouldn't he have a walk out into the yard from his bedroom?

She discards the idea with some regret. Running away without a word is a coward's move and would probably backfire. Klaus is still her client, whatever psychosis had gripped Caroline last night, and it's not like she could dump him via email at this point. He's got a huge movie coming in three weeks, and they're flying to London tomorrow to begin the premiere tour. She could probably pass it on to another publicist, but she'd still be on the hook, would have to coordinate her plans long-distance.

Selfishly, Caroline hopes that's not necessary. She'd hate for someone else to reap the benefits of her hard work.

She heaves herself into a sitting position, wincing when her head throbs. Her stomach seems solid, with no hint of queasiness, so that's a plus. Caroline tosses the covers aside, shifts until her legs slide over the side of the bed. She catches a glimpse of herself in a mirror through the open closet door and cringes.

She'd done an excellent smoky eye last night, and it's migrated all over her face. She doesn't even want to consider how long it's going to take to detangle her hair. She decides she can wait a bit to hunt down Klaus, stepping forward and twisting the knob on the closed door. "Jackpot," Caroline mutters, walking into Klaus' bathroom. There's a stack of towels on the counter, and she figures it won't hurt to take a shower.

She'd had her tongue in his mouth and had apparently kicked him out of his bed, so what's one more presumption?

Friday, April 30th, 10:47 PM

In the VIP lounge Kat had rented, elevated above the main dance floor, Caroline waves away a shot of tequila. She'd had one during the birthday toast, wine at dinner. Had just ordered an overpriced cocktail. She's pleasantly tipsy but needs to pace herself because she can't get too drunk tonight.

Besides, Caroline and tequila have a complicated relationship.

Kat boos her, a few of the other girls joining in. Caroline laughs, "I know, I'm boring. I have a million things to do tomorrow to make sure I'm ready to live out of a suitcase for weeks."

Katherine scoffs, "Just make Klaus buy you anything you forget. What good is a guy who's hot for you and makes big fat superhero movie paychecks if he won't buy you pretty things?"

They've discussed this a bajillion times. Caroline has actually run away from this exact conversation, shouting nonsense syllables, with her fingers jammed in her ear, as if she and Katherine still fight over Barbies and who gets to wear dress-up trunk's best princess dress.

Caroline still can't resist arguing – it's a character flaw. "He's my client. That's it."

"Oh, please. Men in this town bone their clients all the time."

"That doesn't make it okay!"

Usually, this is the part where Katherine tries to convince her that Klaus is dying to be boned – her words, not Caroline's – but she gets distracted, squinting across the bar. Kat's lips curl, expression growing sly, "It appears my argument is moot."

Um, what? Katherine's literally never backed down from an argument in the twenty-plus years they've been friends. Puzzled, Caroline turns, trying to see what caught Kat's attention.

The club features several VIP lounges, each located at the top of a short staircase and decorated with wide velvet sofas and crystal chandeliers. There's an attendant who keeps booze and food flowing. It's clever – the sofas are inviting and squishy, tend to force people close together. The chandeliers ensure that anyone who happens to take a picture can get a decent shot, and the free flow of liquor has lowered the inhibitions of at least half a dozen celebrities, resulting in photos that send the gossip blogs into a tizzy as soon as they hit the internet.

When Caroline spots Klaus across the way, a redheaded model sprawled in his lap, she's immediately fuming.

"Looks like he got tired of waiting," Kat drawls. "Wanna reconsider the tequila?"

"Katherine. I love you. But zip it."

Katherine makes a face but leaves Caroline alone, turning to another one of their friends and asking a question. Caroline takes a deep breath, counts to ten.

She'd busted her ass to make him appear family-friendly enough to land the movie with the very PR-conscious studio that had netted him the big fat checks Katherine had just been crowing over. He's jeopardizing that on the eve of the most significant press tour of his career.

She looks over again, leaning forward. The redhead's moved away, she's sitting at Klaus' side, and they now appear to be merely engaged in conversation. Caroline does her best to think like a photographer – is there an angle that could make the scene look tawdry?

Probably not. So really, Klaus isn't jeopardizing anything.

Caroline's anger doesn't cool at the revelation.

She's so screwed.

She's on her feet before she decides to be, stalking down the stairs. She hears Katherine yelling borderline lewd encouragement at her back, but Caroline knows better than to take her advice.

She's marching over to diffuse, not inflame.

Hopefully.

Saturday, May 1st, 9:01 AM

She finds Klaus in his living room, asleep, his legs hanging awkwardly over the arm of a too-short couch, his torso twisted so awkwardly that Caroline's back twinges sympathetically. With the confirmation that she had stolen his bed, more of Caroline's irritation fades. The shower had helped, as had the bottle of water she'd guzzled and the three Tylenol she'd popped.

She takes a seat on his coffee table, setting down her second bottle of water. Caroline reaches out, shaking his shoulder gently. "Klaus," she murmurs when he begins to stir. "Wake up."

She could probably leave him to sleep. Klaus' stylist will handle most of his packing; he's borrowed a dizzying volume of outfits and accessories for Klaus to wear on this trip. The announcement won't come for another two weeks, but Klaus is shooting a Dior cologne ad once his press obligations wrap. The brand had requested he start wearing the newest line. Caroline had attended the last fitting, and she'd had a hard time keeping her blatant ogling under wraps.

Klaus looks good in ratty jeans, in a suit tailored to his measurements? Just about anyone attracted to men would have struggled not to appreciate the sight.

That's how Caroline had justified letting her emails pile up that afternoon.

She'd been a little worried about her control slipping on this trip, once they were alone in the hotel, and Klaus dropped the shiny, press-perfect façade he's learned to maintain. Caroline had designed that mask to appeal to the broadest possible audience. Doing interview prep has unfortunately only emphasized how much more she likes Klaus without it.

Klaus stretches, eyes fluttering open. "Good morning," he murmurs, voice husky with sleep. "I hope you slept better than I did."

Caroline winces, "Don’t you have a guest room or two you could have shoved me in?”

He smiles lazily, “You were quite insistent on touring my bedroom.”

Her eyes slam shut, face heating, “And that is why I don’t drink tequila unsupervised,” she grumbles.

He laughs, sitting up, his legs bracketing hers. He reaches for her water bottle and helps himself to a sip. Caroline leans back, fishing the Tylenol out of the pocket of the hoodie she’d stolen from his closet. She’d needed something bulkier to hide the fact she hadn’t been able to convince herself to strap her bra back on. “Do you want these?” she asks, rattling the bottle.

Klaus shakes his head, “I’m not hungover. I didn’t drink at all, and you stole that shot of tequila that was meant for me, remember?”

Ohhh no. She’d forgotten about that. She’d stolen his and the model’s.

Which, in hindsight, goes a long way to explaining what had happened after. Caroline’s problem with tequila is that once she starts, she has a hard time stopping. It heightens her usually non-existent impulsive streak, leads to sub-par decisions.

Occasionally, tequila does make her clothes fall off.

Caroline buries her hands in her face, wishing she hadn’t tied her hair back. She’s mortified, probably growing splotchy. “I am so sorry,” she mutters.

Klaus sighs, tries to tug her hands away. Caroline resists, tensing her muscles, wishes she’d gone with her first instinct and fled out the backdoor. He rests his hands on her knees, squeezing, voice dipping into coaxing tones. “No apology necessary. I’m not the least bit upset.”

Unfortunately, Caroline’s totally up to the task of being upset enough for the both of them.

Friday, April 30th, 10:53 PM

Once the attendant in Klaus VIP area confirms that he does know Caroline and lets her up the stairs, Klaus has managed to increase the distance between his body and the model’s. He seems pleased to see her, grabbing her hand and tugging her to sit next to him on the couch.

Close enough that they’re connected thigh to shoulder.

The model, whose name Caroline doesn’t particularly care about, is less welcoming. She glares daggers at Caroline’s hand, still enclosed in Klaus’. He makes polite introductions. “Genevieve, this is my publicist and very good friend, Caroline Forbes. Caroline, Genevieve. She’s a friend of Kol’s.”

Klaus’ younger brother is also an actor, still firmly in the throes of his wild child phase. Caroline finds him entertaining, despite her best intentions, but he’s known to delight in making her job more complicated. She glances around suspiciously, “Is Kol here?”

Klaus gestures vaguely to the dance floor. “Somewhere. He dragged me out to celebrate a pilot he booked, then disappeared.”

Hmm, that could lead to disaster. Caroline wonders if she should shoot his publicist a text as a professional courtesy.

Caroline smiles at Genevieve sharply, “So sweet of you to keep Klaus company.” It’s mean, but Caroline wonders if Genevieve has somehow heard about Klaus’ Dior deal through the grapevine. Maybe she’s aiming for a co-starring role – Caroline’s read the treatment for the commercial; it’s supposed to be streamy.

Oh, good lord, High School Caroline has somehow time traveled and taken over her body.

Genevieve pastes on an equally fake smile (at least Caroline’s not the only one regressing). Before she can snipe back, a silver tray is set in front of them, two shots resting on it. The attendant catches Caroline’s eye, “Can I get you anything, Miss?”

Klaus interrupts, squeezes her hand in an absent apology, “Sorry, there must be some mistake. I ordered a water.”

He’s contractually obligated to maintain a ridiculously chiseled body. Caroline’s got a reminder in her phone to order him a pile of celebratory spaghetti after his press obligations are officially over and he can relax for a few months.

The attendant’s eyes flit to Genevieve in confusion, “I…”

“I cancelled that,” she chirps, sliding her hand up Klaus’ arm. Genevieve leans in, tone lowering to what Caroline thinks is supposed to be a seductive level. “Figured we would toast.”

Caroline catches it because she’s practically plastered to Klaus’ other side. “Who toasts with tequila?” she asks. “Other than creeps at bars, I mean.”

Had Caroline not been well acquainted with Katherine Pierce, she might have been intimidated by Genevieve's attempt at a lethal glare.

Caroline stares back, reaching blindly for the first shot. She tosses it back, then the second, fighting the shudder that wants to wrack her frame through sheer willpower alone.

“Bitch,” Genevieve mutters, standing and flouncing away.

It’s petty, but Caroline savors her win.

Klaus is staring at her oddly, a touch concerned. “Maybe we should get you some water, love.”

Saturday, May 1st, 9:04 AM

“There were more shots when I got back to Kat’s party,” Caroline moans. “I’m going to kill her. She knows my weaknesses.”

“While I am reluctant to defend your irritating friend, she did seem rather intent on her fun. It was her birthday, wasn’t it?”

Caroline nods, “Yeah. And Kat’s always been firmly convinced that she should get to do whatever her little black heart desires on her birthday.”

“She did insist I ensure you get home safely. I’m afraid you were rather reluctant to supply your address.”

She sighs, finally dropping her hands. “Honestly, I just moved into a condo. I might not have remembered it.” That’s the less embarrassing option. It’s probably more likely that tequila drunk Caroline had crafted a plan to seduce Klaus, and step one entailed getting invited to his house. “I know you said not to apologize, but I obviously put you out. I’m supposed to babysit you, not the other way around.”

Klaus laughs, his knee nudging hers. “I haven’t needed that for ages, as you well know.”

He has a point – Caroline likely wouldn’t have agreed to take him on if he was still indulging in public drunkenness and paparazzi punching. When she’d first met with Klaus, it had been out of curiosity. She’d made a comfortable living from her client roster, did not need to take on the project of a difficult actor.

Klaus’ bad behavior had been a few years in the past, and he’d just come off a run of festival darlings and had produced a surprise hit sci-fi drama. He’d been frustrated by the doors that remained firmly shut to him, had laid his ambitions on the table.

Caroline had been intrigued. While she’s excellent at her job, but it’s always easier to work her magic with clients who are willing to dive into the work. Klaus’ talent was undeniable; she’d thought he could be a household name with the right opportunity. She’d agreed to take him on, and three years later, it’s paid off.

Caroline tugs the sleeves of his sweatshirt down over her hands, eyes on the frayed trim. “I was mad when I saw you last night, and that wasn’t fair. You’d set you were resting up for the press tour, but it’s not my business if you changed your mind.”

“Did you think I was resuming some bad habits?” Klaus asks. “I know that particular venue has a… reputation. Probably why Kol picked it.”

Caroline sneaks a glance at him, trying to gauge how he feels, but he’s not giving much away. “No, not really. I trust you. I wasn’t thinking super logically.”

She has to admit, at least to herself, that she’d been jealous. Caroline’s going to have to think about how deep that goes, if the feelings that had slapped her in the face last night will prevent their working relationship from being effective. What if Klaus meets someone? Will she be able to plant sneaky tidbits about how happy they are, scour the gossip blogs for rumors that could become issues?

“You? Not thinking logically? However could that be?”

She glares at him, though she knows his teasing is good-natured. “Some of it was the booze. I totally wouldn’t have hauled you onto the dance floor without it. And I wouldn’t have… well, you were there.”

She’s not up to list her transgressions. If Klaus hadn’t been drinking, then his memory of her wandering hands, her flirtatious comments, and heated invitations should be crystal clear. Caroline had been drunk, and she’s having a hard time not dwelling on the kiss – which, to be fair, Klaus had enthusiastically participated in – that she’d initiated.

“I was there. I have no objections to anything that occurred last night, save perhaps wishing you’d been sober.” Her head snaps up, eyes widening in shock, and Klaus laughs incredulously. “Surely you must know of my interest in you, Caroline.”

She’s suspected, but she’s also well aware that Klaus has no shortage of offers. Last night is proof of that. Caroline has always assumed that take one of them, at some point, and his flirtatiousness with her would fade away. She’d dated an actor or two when she’d moved to LA after wrapping up college. Caroline had been working insane hours then, trying to claw her way past the other assistants at the agency where she’d worked. Her exes from that time period had been quick to move on once they realized she wasn’t willing to center her universe around them.

“Interest can be fleeting.”

“It’s been three years.”

“You never made a real move.”

Again, Klaus counters quickly. “You’d not have accepted, and then you’d likely have pawned me off on someone else.”

Yeah, he’s got a point there. “I’m your publicist.”

“I have no objection to mixing business with pleasure. If you do, I suppose I’m willing to suffer a less competent publicist.”

“I’m beginning to suspect you’ve been plotting.”

Klaus shrugs, entirely unrepentant. “Perhaps a bit. I’ve always been entirely honest with you, I merely prevented a situation that would lessen the time we spent together until such a time as you were ready to consider me in a romantic light.”

“That’s a lot of words to confess you’ve been trying to flirt me into submission while flashing your hot body at every opportunity,” Caroline grumbles.

Klaus’ smile widens, dimples now visible. “It seems to have worked. Assuming that you meant the things you said to me last night?”

“I…” she hadn’t been expecting him to ask her that directly. She should have been – Klaus is skilled at choosing the best way to catch someone off guard. Caroline glances away from him, eyes catching on the clock across the room. Crap. She has so much to do. “I have to go,” Caroline tells him, standing up.

His eyes narrow, and his head tips to the side, like he’s searching for a sign of weakness. Both telltale indicators that Klaus is gearing up to argue. Caroline holds up a hand, “I know, okay? This looks like I’m running away, and technically I am, but this is not the time to begin that mixing you mentioned. We’ve both worked too hard to risk screwing up the next few weeks. Did you read your contract? The fines for non-compliance are no joke.”

“Now is not the time,” Klaus says slowly. “Meaning?”

“We table it now. I’m open to a discussion later.” Three weeks is plenty of time for her to sort out where she stands, right? Caroline never sleeps on flights anyway.

He runs a hand through his hair. “I want a timeline. I understand that you feel obligated to ensure this press tour goes smoothly, but you can only use it as an excuse until it’s over, love. I’m prepared to be persuasive.”

“What, do you want me to schedule something on your calendar? Maybe set an agenda?”

“No need to be so formal. Just agree to have dinner with me once we return. Here, if you’d like, so we don’t risk inflaming the tabloids before you’re ready.”

“You seem awfully sure that this is going to go a certain way. So eager to fire me?”

Klaus gets to his feet, and Caroline sucks in a nervous breath. Sitting across from each other, he’d been a reasonable distance away. Now, with both of them standing in the narrow gap between his couch and coffee table, if one of them breathes too deeply or shifts deliberately, they’ll be plastered together.

She’s tempted despite knowing she’s right about the timing.

Klaus rests his hand on her waist and turns them so Caroline could step back if she wanted to.

She stays where she is.

A tiny smile curls Klaus’ lips and his hand moves, pressing her closer. “As much as I enjoyed your more… explicit ramblings last night, I must confess my favorite revelation was when you confessed to just how long you’ve had them.”

Caroline, not for the first time, curses tequila’s wretched existence.

Wednesday, May 5th 2:20 PM

The meet and greets are going to kill her.

Caroline had thought they were a good idea when she’d poured through the itinerary the studio had sent over. Inviting popular bloggers, auctioning off tickets for charity, allowing fans to enter random draws – it’s great PR and provides the opportunity for viral moments, while also controlling the environment.

Caroline’s leaning against one of the walls, unnoticed, eyes on her client.

A lot of eyes are on her client, some of which irritate Caroline more than others. The two teenage girls, trailed by an exasperated dad, who’d both burst into tears when Klaus had smiled at them? Totally adorable. The nerdy college student who’d grilled Klaus about his character’s comic backstory? Kind of a pain, but Klaus had done his homework, and Caroline had been impressed.

And annoyed. Excessive preparation is very attractive and unhelpful at this juncture of the press tour. Caroline’s already begun to reconsider what they’d agreed to, wonders if knocking on his hotel room door on the last night would be such a bad thing.

That line of thinking might be overly influenced by the scene in front of her.

Klaus is speaking with a woman in an afternoon inappropriate silver dress. Caroline’s sorely tempted to have her escorted out by security. She’d slipped a key card into the back pocket of Klaus’ jeans within 90 seconds of meeting him.

He’s handed it back, said something that made her laugh. They’re still talking.

Klaus glances up, eyes landing on her immediately. Caroline hastily tries to soften her irritated expression lest he guesses its reason. Klaus smiles, subtly tips his water bottle in her direction. Silver Dress invades his personal space a little more.

Ugh. It’s gonna be a long three weeks.

#klaroline #klarosummerbingo #klaroline fanfiction

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yourkeeperoftherunners · 3 years ago

Text

Save the Best for Last

Plot: AU Free. Chocolate. Cake. Three magical words for him, but he’s too late to grab a slice of the newest slice from his favorite cafe. Little did he know that eventually, his patience would pay off.

Rating: G

Characters: Student!Han (Stray Kids) x Reader (any gender), plus mention of ITZY and other Stray Kids members

Notes: This is a sort of sequel to Slice of Happiness. You do not have to read it to understand what is happening in this one shot. The cake mentioned is inspired by a chocolate cake that a restaurant at Disneyland used to offer.

Happy Birthday Han!

-----------------------

“Is it just me, or is the line for that cafe you like longer than usual?”

Han craned his neck and pouted when he saw the line for the local cafe was a few blocks from the entrance. Usually in the morning it was busy, but there was never a line this long.

Seungmin stood on tiptoe and tried to see what was happening. After a few seconds, he decided to run up ahead to ask people what the line was for. He excused himself and made his way across the street, while Han spotted Chaeryeong squeezing through the door with a box in her hands. Lia followed behind her and apologized to the people trying to get in as she squeezed by them to exit the cafe.

Han raised a hand and waved at the girls, who spotted him and quickly jaywalked across the street to say hi. “What’s the line for?”

Chaeryeong carefully opened her box to reveal a tall slice of chocolate cake, placed flat on its side. The sight made Han’s mouth water and the girl quickly shut the lid on the box.

“Sorry Oppa, but I waited in line for this,” Chaeryeong shared. “I was one of the first people to get in line once the Tweet went out.”

“Tweet? What Tweet?” Han demanded.

Lia pulled out her phone, opened the Twitter app, and flipped her screen around to show Han.

A Spot of...

Change is good! Wanna try our brand new Supreme Chocolate Layer Cake free? Starting at 14:30 PM, you can grab one free slice per party to try. First come, first serve until we run out! 12:47 PM

“It’s some freebie,” Seungmin sighed as he rejoined Han. “Man, people do some weird stuff for free food.”

Han dramatically pointed to Chaeryeong’s box and the girl quickly opened it to show Seungmin what the freebie was.

“Oh my God, that thing’s huge!” Seungmin murmured when he saw the large cake slice. “What was that? Like 17 layers?”

“21,” Lia corrected. “The head baker said it’s 21 layers of cake, frosting, and ganache.”

Han’s face twisted into a look of pain and frustration and he threw his hands up. “Why did I have to be in Ethics until 3:30?”

“Maybe you can get in line?” Seungmin told him.

The girls shook their heads and explained that the cafe was already running low on slices by the time they left. “They only made 8 cakes total for the giveaway,” Chaeryeong shared. “When Lia and I were leaving, they were putting out the last two cakes and I’m pretty sure the rest of the line is going to be turned away.”

Seungmin patted Han on the shoulder and told his friend that maybe he could get a cheesecake slice instead. “You love their cheesecake.”

Before Han could agree, he felt his phone buzz in his back pocket and he pulled it out to answer it.

“Hannnie! Dori’s acting dazed and I need someone to watch Soonie and Doongie,” Minho rambled on the other end.

“Hyung I can’t – I have study group with Hyunjin and Felix!” Han protested.

“You guys can study at my place and I’ll buy you food,” Minho offered. “Please?”

Han’s shoulders sagged and Seungmin could tell that the cheesecake situation was going to have to wait. The former reluctantly agreed to ask his study group to change the meeting place to Minho’s apartment and he hung up.

“I’m done for today – you want me to get you a slice?” Seungmin offered.

Han shook his head and muttered that he needed to go call Felix and Hyunjin about the sudden change to the study group location.

-----------------------

“HEY! Get down!” Hyunjin snapped as he tried to get his notebook away from the cat.

Doongie walked closer and Hyunjin fumbled with his notes as the cat walked across the table where Hyunjin’s books were spread out. The cat stretched and stood on top of a heavy textbook for Art History, which made Hyunjin scowl in displeasure.

“Can’t we lock them in hyung’s room?” Hyunjin grumbled as he glared at the cat.

Han shot his friend a look and Felix tried to coax the cat to move off the book. Eventually Doongie moved off of the book and came over for scratches from Felix.

Hyunjin retrieved his textbook and dusted the cover off quickly. “Hannie, why couldn’t we do this at the library? Hyung could have asked someone else to babysit his cats. Kkami wouldn’t do this to me if I was studying at home.”

“He doesn’t want his cats to be left alone,” Han sighed with a shake of his head. He removed and replaced the beanie on his head as he tried to focus on his notes he took for the unit that the group was studying tonight. But his head was filled with the bitter disappointment of missing the free chocolate cake from his favorite cafe and now this disaster of a study group session happening in his friend’s apartment.

Felix looked up from petting Doongie and asked Han if Minho promised them food for watching his cats. The mention of food made Hyunjin perk up and he looked over at Han with a raised brow.

“You forgot to tell us that part,” Hyunjin remarked.

“I’m sorry!” Han groaned. “Minho-hyung said we can order food and he’ll pay for it. We are allowed to use his UberEats account.”

The other two grinned and they began checking their phones for dinner ideas. Han closed his notebook and shook his head in frustration.

Was this day over yet?

-----------------------

After Minho came back, the guys parted ways and began heading back to their respective apartments and dorms. Han chose to walk back, as Minho’s apartment was close to campus and he felt like getting some fresh air.

Once he crossed the street, Han glanced to his right over at A Spot of... Cafe and saw the lights were out, save for one by the door. He slowed down and turned toward the cafe, squinting when he saw someone emerge from the back.

The person came toward the door and he saw it was you, the co-owner and head baker of the cafe. He slowly raised a hand to greet you and you met his eyes from across the street as you pushed the door open.

“Hey stranger,” you greeted him. “You’re out late – classes going okay?”

Han smiled and nodded as he jerked his head in the direction of Minho’s apartment. “Had to do some studying and cat-sitting at the same time today. Chaeryeong showed me that amazing chocolate cake you were giving away – really wish I could have tried it.”

You held the door open to the cafe and asked, “Still have room for dessert? I have one cake left.”

Han’s eyes widened and he shot you a confused look. Either he was tired or he just heard that you had a cake left, despite Chaeryeong saying that you only baked 8.

“But, but I thought you only made 8, or at least that’s what my friend told me.”

You moved so your back was propping the door open and crossed your arms over your chest. “Ah that was kind of a lie,” you admitted. “I had 8 planned, but turns out I had enough ingredients to make one more. It was still cooling when the promotion was happening and I didn’t get a chance to do the decorating and frosting until a half hour before closing. You want a slice? It’s free by the way.”

The young man checked both ways before running across the street to the cafe.

“Sunbae, you had me at chocolate cake.”

#Han Jisung one shot #Stray Kids Han #SKZ Han #Happy Han Day #Han Jisung #SKZ AU #Stray Kids AU #cw: cake #cw: cafe setting #yourkeeperoftherunners original #number 3147

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urlocalnctstan · 4 years ago

Text

𝚃𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚘𝚏 ��𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚜

Genre : Angst, Fluff, Slow-burnish, Idol AU

Pairing : Jaehyun x Reader ft.Mark (other members too)

Warning(s) : strong language, age-gap, mature contents, weird writing style lmao, uh what else? idk but yeah

Disclaimer :The story is completely fictitious, idol-fan relationships are not common so some of you crazy ones out here, pls don’t get too delusional, your oppas will be your oppas only virtually, not in real life.

Playlist : Youtube Link / Written

Word Count : 5.4k

Summary : ‘Time and tide waits for none’- a quote that is universally accepted and believed. You both had had your experience of meeting the right one at the wrong time, the concept of love long forgotten after the sudden downfall of your relationship together. But will time eventually heal everything for you both?

The car came to a halt, your mind subconsciously drifting back to the humiliation you faced tonight back at the office.

“ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB, Y/N?” your boss was a fuming mess, his whole office scattered with the documents you had brought just a few moments ago. At the sight of the shredded papers, you felt you heart clench. You worked so hard for this project, disregarding God knows how many nights of your sleep. The feeling of abomination was slowly creeping up from the pit of your stomach towards the man who stood taut, seething in rage.

“HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU TO JUST DO WHAT THEY ASKED YOU TO?” He yelled, his fist furiously banging on his wooden desk, beneath his hand rested some pieces of the torn documents.

“Sir, even you know how risky it is to design as they asked to. If a blunder happens it is our company that is to be held accountable, not theirs.” you knew it was pointless to reason with the stubborn headed prick, but you had to try out your luck.

“Get out. Out, out, out. Get your fucking face out of my face.” He swished his index finger repeatedly, letting out a frustrated shriek just as I was about to exit his office. His wrath was nothing new in the office, as all the other employees shot me a rather pitying look when they saw me exiting the team leader’s office with hands full of ripped papers. Wow, my 2 weeks worth of sleep. Just wow. You didn’t bother to reciprocate their sympathetic glances, storming out of the corridor as you furiously started clicking the floor to your cabin. The jabbing of your finger on the glowing button that read ‘13’ was the only sound that resonated in the fairly empty area, earning annoyed looks from the two individuals who stood right behind you.

“Ah, fuck.” You banged your head against the steering, recalling the even as you clutched the handles harshly. “Why,” another bang. “do I,” bang. “live like” bang. “this,” bang. You could feel your face was burning without even touching it, streams of tears flowing down. Just as you were about to give yourself another bang, the sudden honk of a car made you pause amidst your ritual. Indeed all motherfuckers love to test my patience. You decide to ignore the rider, mainly because you were also partially at fault for resting in your car in the middle of the park. You twisted the metal keys as the ignition went off, signaling your car was ready to flee. Yet again, you were distracted by soft knocks. You prayed to God to help you not lose your shit, at this point you were questioning if He ever hears your woes at all. The soft knocks stop immediately when you started to pull down the window, the person straightening only crouch again.

“Y/n?” his called out unsurely, as if he were afraid of mistaking you for someone else. You knew that voice, and that is not good news. Shit.

“Mark?” you were surprised to say the least, not expecting to run into an old friend. “Oh my god! How have you been?” You shoot out of your driver’s seat, instantly being engulfed into a bone crushing hug by the male.

“I have been good. Oh god, I can’t believe this! I can’t believe I ran into you after so long!” Mark still held you tight your embrace, the sudden reunion making him feel giddy with excitement.

“Yes indeed,” you were the first to pull out from the hug. You took a moment to study him; black mask covering half of his face as he smiled widely, eyes crinkled and the signature cheekbones still the same as they were in the past. God, it’s really been so long. “What are you up to these days?”

“Er,” Mark scratched his head as he laughed nervously, unsure if he was allowed to give you spoilers about his new album. “I have been working on my solo album actually.”

“Are you for real?” You found yourself hugging Mark again at the joy of his successful career. “I’m so so proud of you mate!”

“Thank you, thank you,” Mark swayed you lightly, his voice muffled due to the mask he wore. Mark was the one to pull out now, still keeping your caged as he placed his hands on your shoulders. “In no way I am gonna let you leave without a trace again,” he almost groaned.

“Promise, I won’t anymore,” you signaled to the stack of files that rested on the backseat of your car. “They won’t leave me alone.”

“I’ll just ask your boss to assign you with more tasks then,” he giggled mischievously, earning a light smack from you at the mention of such an absurd idea.

“I’ll track your way to hell to kill you again if you do something like that,” you hissed at Mark, who was still giggling at your frustrated reaction. The atmosphere became quiet as Mark looked up in the vacant sky, deep in thoughts while you waited for him to continue. Your phone buzzed against your leather coat.

[From Bullhead] : Don’t think I am overlooking your mess. This is the first and final warning from me.

You shivered, half from the cold and half from the text you just received.

“26th, sharp at 8 PM, my place.” He snapped his fingers, hooting at the realization of having a free day in his busy scheduled life.

“Okay, done.” You should have refused, you thought. But for some reason, you found yourself agreeing to his offer, you felt both sad and guilty for disappearing out of your friend’s life without a trace. However, you couldn’t ignore the greedy feeling you felt, the want to see him again. “I think I should be done around...7:30? So I think I’ll be able to make it.” You unlocked and handed him your phone.

“You have to make it,” his eyes focused on the screen of your device, swiftly typing what you assumed was him number. “Just incase, text me if I happen to forget - no I know that look, Y/n, you must text if that happens..” He rolled his eyes, knowing that how much you would be overthinking about possibly tiring him because of his busy lifestyle. Mark dialed his number from your phone before handing it back to you. You visibly snickered at the name he saved his contact with : ‘My Boo MarkLee <3’

“Stop pretending as if you never renamed my existence as Markie Boo,” he groans, remembering how this has been his another one of the hundred pet names he had. Your conversation was cut mid way as his phone loudly vibrated in his phone, swiftly pulling it out as the guy whined in annoyance.

“Yo, I gotta go now I guess, something came up at the company.” He looked sad, pouty. “See you around, yeah?” You were pulled into another hug by the male, he surely loved to hug as usual.

“Yes, yes. Now go. Don’t be late.” You patted his back, pulling out of the hug and shooing him away towards his car.

“See ya, Mom.” He beamed as he sped off with his car.

“Dumbass.” You muttered, softly laughing at the name he would always call you by, despite being years younger than him. You rounded around your car, getting inside. The start was bad but the end was good nonetheless. The keys of your car jiggled as you closed the door. Again, you twisted the keys, your mood slightly better than before for which you were grateful. Your car’s ignition blared, as you positioned towards the exit of the park, subtly muttering ‘long ass ride.’

The digits ‘7:37’ glowed on the the small digital clock beside your desktop. You felt stiff, stretching your neck as your bones made those cracking noes. You stare at your toes, zoning out was your passion and you excelled at it. You snapped straight, letting out a deep sigh as you started to scheme the projects before you were to hand them over to your bullhead boss. Soon enough, you were done, muttering almost too loudly for everyone that you wished your boss would be napping off instead of being awake.

Good for you, your prayers were answered for the first time in a while. You quietly placed the files that contained all the details that needed to be checked again by your boss, quietly making your way out of his cabin as soon as possible. On you way, you informed his secretary you were leaving, her face wore distraught and annoyance but softens as she saw you approaching. Sometimes you felt sympathetic towards her, often asking the heavens to bless her with utmost patience and perseverance to deal with the bullhead.

The marble floor clicked with every step you took, the sounds eerily audible in the serene lobby. It was very rare for the lobby to be filled with people in evening, the employees would practically sprint off their seats as soon as the clock hits 7. You made your way out of the building, making a mental note to buy a gift for Mark on your way back to home. What would he like? Take outs? Homemade? Wine? You drove across the street before halting your car in front of the department store that was situated just a few blocks away from your office. The header of the store glowed, the alleys seemingly half-crowded with people of different occupations you assumed. You let out a hiss as you felt a chill run down your spine, it was almost the end of Autumn which meant Winter was just round the corner. You decided to rely on your instincts, deciding to gift your friend a fancy bottle of wine despite having zero knowledge about it.

You were never quite the fan of wine. According to you, the seemingly alcoholic drink was too expensive, plus the etiquettes that came along for its consumption would always just make your turn your head away every time you laid your eyes across one. You schemed through the white shelves filled with different tastes and colors of wine, each hailing from various corners of the world. “How do I even spell it?” You crouched down a bit to a bottle that had caught your attention, the exquisite name was starting to make your head hurt. It’s probably a white wine you thought, the transparent color of the liquid was what made you convince. But something rather nostalgic caught your sight, before you could even realize, you found your fingertips caressing the cold glass bottle of the red liquid that you held now.

“If were to be a drink, then what would I be?” You lazily laid sprawled across the couch in the living, while you boyfriend who sat on the marble floor across fumbles with the knotted bunch of cables. Jaehyun had his gaze focus of the wire maze in his hands, eyebrows furrowed and lips pouted in immense concentration.

“Peach milk,” he smiled, unbeknownst to you he was actually implying a double meaning for his answer.

“And why that?” You felt his choice a bit amusing, not really expecting that as an answer.

“Because I love your ass and boobs,” he winked, only to be hit by a pillow that was resting beneath your curled legs. Jaehyun felt himself giggling by your reaction, it was cute to see you being annoyed. “Babe, c’mon. I can’t lie about it.”

“Never mind, just forget it.” You started to get a bit pissed, hurt as well because your sensitive ass thought he would probably say something sweet that would make you heart flutter.

“Peach milk is my favorite, that’s the main reason why,” Jaehyun shifted his focus back to the cables, the last two knots were too adamant to let go of each other. You felt yourself smiling, too wide, he definitely knew you well. Cheeky bastard.

“What about me?” he asked, eyes still focused as he working on untying the last knot.

“Hmmm...” you shifted your position on the couch, now sitting up as you stared your boyfriend’s figure for a short while.

“Red wine.” sophisticated, classy, unique, warm. If you were to describe the aura around him, these would be the first choices.

However, your answer seemed to have caught Jaehyun’s attention, pausing in his tracks as he got curious as to why the specific choice. He had a huge grin on his face, he adored how you remembered the specific detail of red wine being his favourite, for he mentioned it in your first date which was 2 years back. But he knew there was more to it. He knew you too well. “But why red wine?”

You kept your gaze fixated on Jaehyun as he gets up from the ground, putting the cables in a secure manner to avoid another tie war. He hugged the pillow tight which you had previously thrown on him, before propping down beside you on the couch with a tired sigh, looking at you intently. It was as if you both were having a staring contest. So you rested your head on your right hand, both staring each other with soft smiles before you continued.

“You are much more to what everyone thinks you are,” you notice how Jaehyun cocks an eyebrow, still staring and trying to process what you just said.

“Just like wine, the more I know you, the more I know just how amazing you are. Both sweet and sour, but the balanced ratio of it is what makes you more admirable.” You admired how he was always able to balance things out, prior to what everyone believes about him, he had both good and bad sides to him. And that’s what made him more human, him acknowledging his flaws. That’s what made you fall for him.

Hearing you, Jaehyun thought he might dislocate his jaw anytime soon for smiling so hard. His heart started to do all sort of flips, ears starting to pink. It was at times like this when you don’t need words to express how you were feeling, silent but the communication was still present. Jaehyun slides his hand into yours, you glanced at both of your intertwined fingers before looking at him, his eyes full of hearts for you. You giggled, feeling shy at his intense stare but returning him the same way.

“I love you,” he whispered, his starry eyes which were only looking at you.

“Excuse me miss,” You jolt at the sudden change of voice coming from behind you. You whip around, a girl probably in her late teens stood nervously, her hands fidgets with the belts of her backpack.

“Miss, you were kinda in the way so..” you felt flustered for absent-mindedly drifting into your dreamland while shopping for your friend, chiding yourself mentally in the process.

“Ah, I am so sorry,” you moved swiftly to the side to allow the teen some space to carry out her shopping. “Please, carry on.” You smiled softly. Though at the back of your mind you wanted to point out how she shouldn’t be consuming alcohol, but disregarded the urge nonetheless. Sometimes children should get to enjoy their minimal amount of fun in their youth too. You were still clutching the red wine bottle in your hand, eyeing it one last time before placing it back in the racks. You cleared your throat, as if to let the voices speaking inside your head know that you are not a stupid 20 year old anymore. You shake your head, glancing around to inspect if others were judging your state before proceeding to the counter for the random wine you picked which might have cost you half of your monthly salary. It’s okay to spend once in a while.

Mark was literally running around his apartment. Running. His head shot up as he remembered something. “Shit, fuck, are the bathroom lights okay?” he murmured to himself, sprinting off to the bathroom that was located in his vast living room first, followed by the ones in his bedroom and guestroom. Mark was still a newbie to the norms of living alone, him being a newborn living-alone man for sparsely 2 months. And he would barely be home due to his schedules. There were even times he would just forget his own bedroom.

“What else, what else,” he glanced over the whole area eyes drifting here and there before he realized something. Dumbass forgot to check if there were even enough food for two. Mark quickly scurried to the kitchen counter, the utensils were more than enough before checking his fridge. Beers? Check. Soju? Check. Kimchi? Check. Slices of chicken breast? Check. But the 33 year old still felt something was missing. Mark shifted his focus on the wooden shelf that was just above the kitchen sink, the transparent glass door of it making a creak sound as he opened it. For an apartment who’s owner was barely home, the shelf was definitely well packed and organized. It contained all sorts of ramen, tteokbokki and any other fast food you could name. “What else, what else, what else, what else,” he kept chanting, as if by some magic his chants of short memory would be heard and he would know what else was he missing out. He hunched over the lower shelf to inspect if all the sauces his housekeeper stores for him were present there. Absorbed in his thoughts, Mark did not notice the sudden sound of his bell going off, before the sounds just got repeated and even more louder.

“What the fuck?” his eyebrows creased in annoyance, cussing out all the profanities he had in his vocabulary at the visitor’s insolent mannerism. Mark was beyond pissed, the person behind the other side of the door not only disrupted his memory battle but also had the audacity to ring the bell like a 3 year old in the middle of the night. Instead of just answering from the intercom, he directly opened the entrance door. “Look, it’s like 11 in the night - Hyung?” Mark halted his rant session as he realized it was Jaehyun standing in front of his house. Covered in black shirt, black mask, black pants - black everything, it would take a while for others who did not know him personally to recognize the member of the top boy group in the industry.

“Were you shitting or something,” Jaehyun smiled before casually giving his best friend a hug. Mark pulls out some of the spare slippers he had stored, while Jaehyun sits on the wooden step as he unties the knots of his black adidas. As Jaehyun get ups, he looks over to the other male standing in front of him, then down at the slippers and then again to the male.

“What?” Mark laughed, his hands shifting to the sides of his waist.

“Mark, please don’t go shopping by yourself next time,” Jaehyun silently judged Mark for offering him the fluffly colourful pink body and yellow polka dots slippers, similar to the ones he was wearing but the combination in opposite.

“I got them from the BOGO offer going on in the supermarket just down the lane,” Mark wiggled his toes under the furry layer of clothing, slightly humming at the texture. “Bro this shit comfortable and cute, you can’t deny that.”

Jaehyun gives him another look, amused at how his bandmate’s old habits were still the same. “I help you out with your fashion choices next time. Don’t worry.” He patted Mark’s should, a sympathetic grin on his face as he anticipated the other male’s dramatic reaction.

“Oh please,” Mark scoffed. “More like you need my and Johnny hyung’s assistance for your monotonous wardrobe!”

Jaehyun laughed at his friend’s rebuttal before lazily propping himself on the bean sack in the living room with a low hum. Oddly enough, Mark’s apartment felt more homely than his own apartment which was just above a few floors.

“But what brings you here?” Mark walks over to his fridge, judging by his friend’s sudden visit, he knew drinks had become a necessary part of the night. “And what about Hayoung?”

“What about her?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrow at Mark, skillfully catching the beer Mark had tossed to him after asking about Hayoung, Jaehyun’s, well complicated girl something.

“I though you guys might just....I don’t know, be official or something.” Mark stole a glance towards his friend, nervously opening his can. The momentary pin drop silence was an indicator, he indeed blurted something he should not have. The fizzy hiss of the beer can being opened barely broke the ice.

“I don’t do things like official,” Jaehyun scoffed, producing a low sigh after sipping the beer. Mark decided not to further press his friend, despite having an old unresolved grudge against Jaehyun somewhere deep within him. It had been years since all of that had happened, but he still felt hostility creep up inside every time he remembers that night, that week, that month. After all, it was you that Jaehyun had completely broken, torn and ripped apart.

Unbeknownst to the rummaging thoughts inside the mind of his bandmate, it took a while for the older to realize how oddly clean and organized the apartment looked. Jaehyun turned to Mark, eyebrows raised with mischievousness coating his words. “You having someone for the night tomorrow?”

Mark almost made a disgusted face but instead opted to scrunch. “Bro, I don’t have Tinder, neither do I wanna be a carrier of STDs.” Mark placed his empty can on the small glass table, simultaneously letting out a tired huff. Jaehyun almost took an offense to the statement, the attack was definitely but indirectly made towards him. But he decided to shrug it off, Mark was not lying after all. Jaehyun did not even know half of the girls’ names he had slept with, someday or another mixing up names which ends in him getting kicked out or being cursed out. That was what had happened that night as well.

“Okay, I forgot. Hayoung, yes. Speak.” Jaehyun shot an incredulous look to the younger, as if he was able to read his mind or something. Mark only furrowed his eyebrows at the reaction.

“I-I....got kicked out,” Jaehyun’s voice was barely above a whisper, but the sharp eared male was able to catch his friend’s low murmur. Mark stifled his giggle, only to receive a glare from his friend. Jaehyun ran his fingers through his newly dyed lilac hair. Fucking embarrassing.

“But what made her do that?”

Jaehyun felt chills run down his spine as the scenario replayed in his head. He shivered despite the heater being on, an amused Mark glancing while chugging down the small remaining amount of beer. Mark was being a gentleman trying to conceal his laughter as Jaehyun rambled how he managed to fuck up yet another good hook-up buddy. At this point, Mark was not even surprised. Victim to his obvious facial expressions, Mark hated lying, and equally hated being lied to as well. Jaehyun side glanced his friend, a loud annoyed snort escaping from him. “Having fun, aren’t you?”

“Well, I mean it’s fun — sorry,” Mark clears his throat. He should be the type of friend who gives advices instead of laughing. Mark wiggled in his seat, distorting the empty can before having a perfect shot in the trashcan just a few feet away from him. Smooth one.

“I think I might retire, or just quit after the current contract ends,” Jaehyun felt tight, the words came out from him in a way too suffocating form. Mark visibly tenses, his laidback posture now crouching forward to his friend. Mark was too pre-occupied in his escalating solo career, the support he had been getting even before the official stage was way too much for him to fathom, but he was grateful for it nonetheless. A stinging guilt crept up inside him, chiding himself of being such an inconsiderate friend. “It’s high-time I start to live on my own accord.”

Mark decided to rather not pressurize the half-drunk dude with his numerous questions as to why or what has made him to take such a step. Jaehyun struggled to keep his eyes open, exhaustion was taking over his body ever faster now that he had booze in his system. Jaehyun would have rather opted to just spend the night on the couch (he preferred Mark’s limited edition long L shaped sofa over any king sized bed) but the guy decided to not get welcomed by his mate as ‘good morning.’ Mark put a hand on Jaehyun’s knee, an attempt to stop the non-stop stomping which was a very well-known drunk habit of him. Piling the blankets he just brought, the younger warned again, eyes like red lazer lights before trudging towards his bedroom.

Feet wobbly, Jaehyun struggles to drag his build to switch off the remaining lights in the living room, glancing throughout the long empty space. He gulped down harshly, the familiar empty feeling creeping back to him which he had been avoiding for so long — for years. Jaehyun took a deep sigh, the heavy feeling feeling weighing down his chest as he took light steps towards the big glass window which granted him the view of the whole city. His eyes flickered at the luminous sight. He felt big but small, full, content but numb and empty.

“Hyung, you’re still awake?” a sleepy voice spoke from behind, breaking out Jaehyun from his trance.

“Huh?” It took a moment for him to process an answer. “Uh yeah. just like that. You go sleep.”

Mark shrugged, walking towards his bed as Jaehyun plopped down harshly on the duvet, wincing slightly as he felt a sprain in his lower back. With the alcohol slowly losing its effect on him with each passing second, Jaehyun started to feel more sober, more drawn back into the reality. He hated it. This feeling he was feeling.

Mark was having a rather difficult time to fall asleep. He even put on a random sleeping eye mask he uses for travelling, but alas that did not help either. He was too giddy, too excited for tomorrow. Pulling up the blankets over his head, Mark was assured he was safe from everyone, even maybe from God as a huge grin breaks out on his face. As much as he hates to admit it, Mark loved how things turned out to be the way they were.

“Oh god, this is so awkward. Oh god can I please please just die already?” Mark halted on his steps at the voice, glistening in sweats after the recent stage. He thought it would be an adventure to opt for the public washroom in disguise since the green rooms’ ones were all occupied by the rest of the members; and boy, Mark was really giving his all hold his pee.

“OH GOD!” the sudden yelp caused the male to shriek quietly, muttering an inaudile ‘jesus’. Despite the odds, Mark decided not to test his luck, holding in the bubbling feeling just before explosion as much as he could. Muttering quiet curses, the male struggled to hold his posture as he stealthily tried to get to the other side of the stairs. Too busy in his on the way to urination voyage, Mark realized it was too late, he bumped. Bumped into someone. A girl. Hell yeah fucked. Panic crept at the back of his throat as he anticipated what was coming forth. Him being surrounded by numerous fan as he desperately tries to hold his pee. What a fucking sight.

“Look, I know you might be a staff or something,” Mark whipped his head at your voice. “But please just oh god,” you rambled, leaving the man standing with his legs crossed tightly in utter confusion. “I had no idea — Mark Lee?”

The colors from his faced drained, Mark turned casper for a split second.

“PLEASE!” he was quick to react, half-whispering as he desperately caught your hands. “Please don’t just, uh.., shout or something.”

You immediately raised your hands in defense. “I uh have no reason to do so?” You stated, observing how he was literally squirming, it did not take you long to understand that the canadian needed to go the washroom as soon as possible. ”Oh!” You quickly moved. “Sorry for blocking your way!” Before he could even say thank you, you disappeared without any trace. Mark made a quick mental note to thank you, well that only if he ever happens to cross paths with you again. And deep down, he wised he would. On the other hand, you let out another distressed growl, promising to all of the heavens that never will you be ever accompanying your cousin sister, or let alone come to any concerts from now on. The stunt your drunken cousin had pulled just a while ago was humiliating enough, but of course, she had to spice it up by vomiting on the hallways just in front of the green room. You silently prayed and hope with all your might that maybe they will be generous enough not to sue you or ask for compensation for the mess, looking around cautiously for any employees before you sprinted off for the exit door, and yes, dragging the passed out stunt lady.

Mark felt as if he had a halo above his head, the water balloon inside him finally set free. But he had to race when he saw his phone buzzing with notifications, all of them belonging to his manager or the group chat of the members chanting same syllables ‘Where are you’ ‘show starts in 2′ ‘get yo ass here’. It did not take the rapper too while before he reached the green room, the makeup artists and stylists immediately wrapping themselves around him with brushes and hair sprays. He was smiling, genuinely smiling as he replayed the encounter he just had. Johnny raised an eyebrow with an amused grin on his face.

“What’s with the smile, bro?” Johnny pulls up some random exercises to relieve the tension in his muscles.

Instead of dodging his question, Mark replied, still smiling, but wider. “The pee voyage was a nice one.”

Johnny judged the younger for a second before chuckling and heading towards the stage. The loud noises from the fans echoed throughout the whole arena, full of green lightsticks gleeming like blossoming spring garden. No wonder I called them grass, Mark thought. But today, he was looking for a rather specific individual, his eye scanning almost all the faces in the crowd. He hoped to see you again, smiling gleefully as he performed, but thought that it was too greedy of him to want this much in a span of a day. And so he performed, for the first time without any pressure of doing good, enjoying every moment of the stage he was on and yet again, wished that maybe, maybe your paths will collide with his again.

part 2

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