#plus i think her bellamy and clarke

[bingbongsupremacy]

Protector

Pairing: John Murphy x Plus Size Reader

Warning: Cursing, reader insecurity, bullying reader about weigh, name calling

Summary: John saved you from some bullies, and now you feel like you owe him.

*Not Proof Read*

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The crash is chaos. My ears are still ringing from the impact, and the adrenaline surging through my veins makes every movement feel surreal. I stumble out of the drop ship, my knees shaking, my hands clutching onto the makeshift rail as if it’s the only thing tethering me to the ground.

When I finally make it outside, I’m overwhelmed by the blinding light and the sheer openness of it all. Earth. We’re actually on Earth. My thoughts spiral in a mix of awe and terror. The air smells different—fresh, but sharp, like it’s alive in a way the Ark never was. Around me, others are yelling, cheering, or arguing, the clamor of emotions colliding in the open field we’ve landed in.

That’s when I see him. John Murphy. He’s standing a few feet away, his expression a mix of irritation and disbelief. Our eyes lock for a fleeting moment. His gaze is sharp, piercing, like he’s sizing me up, and I’m suddenly hyper-aware of everything: the way my clothes cling to me awkwardly, the extra weight I carry, and the heat flushing my face. But just as quickly as our eyes meet, he looks away, his lip curling into something that might be a smirk or a sneer—I can’t tell.

I swallow hard and move further into the clearing, trying to shake off the feeling his glance left behind.

The day blurs as we all begin to sort out our roles. Some people, like Clarke and Bellamy, take charge, organizing groups and barking orders. I find myself gravitating toward the quieter tasks: gathering supplies, making myself useful without drawing too much attention. The truth is, blending in feels safer.

But safety doesn’t last long here.

I’m crouched near the edge of the drop ship, sorting through a pile of scrap metal to find anything usable, when it happens. A group of guys—big, loud, and clearly looking for trouble—hover near me, their laughter sharp and mean. My heart sinks.

“Hey, shouldn’t you be looking for food instead?” one of them jeers, his voice dripping with mockery. “You look like you’ve already had your share, though.”

My hands freeze mid-reach, and the words hit like a punch to the gut. I don’t look up, hoping they’ll just get bored and leave, but they don’t. Another one adds, “Careful, we might not have enough supplies if she’s around.”

Laughter erupts, cruel and cutting. My throat tightens, and I force myself to keep breathing, keep focusing on the task in front of me. Don’t cry. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

Their voices grow louder, and I feel my face flush with a mix of anger and humiliation. I’m desperate to think of something, anything to say, but my mind is blank. Their words start to blur together, and I feel like I’m shrinking under the weight of their mockery. Why can’t they just leave me alone?

“Why don’t you guys just back off?” Murphy’s voice cuts through the taunts like a blade. My head snaps up, and there he is, standing a few feet away, arms crossed, his expression a mix of irritation and anger.

The guys turn to him, momentarily surprised, before their laughter resumes. “Aw, look at Murphy, defending porky,” one of them mocks. “Didn’t know you had a soft spot, John.”

“Say that again,” Murphy growls, his voice low and dangerous. There’s a tension in the air now, thick and heavy, and I’m torn between wanting to run and staying to see what happens.

One of the bullies steps closer to Murphy, clearly unfazed. “What, you got a thing for her or something?” he sneers, shoving Murphy’s shoulder.

It happens so fast I barely register it. Murphy’s fist connects with the guy’s face, and the sickening crunch of bone echoes in the air. The bully stumbles back, clutching his nose, blood streaming between his fingers.

“You son of a bitch!” one of the others shouts, lunging at Murphy. The fight erupts in a flurry of fists and shouts, chaos unfolding before my eyes. Murphy holds his own at first, his movements sharp and precise, but the others quickly gang up on him.

My heart races as I watch him take a hit to the side, then another to the stomach. He stumbles but doesn’t go down, his expression defiant even as blood drips from his split lip.

“John!” I shout, panic lacing my voice as I scramble to my feet. The sight of him, already bleeding but still fighting, twists something deep in my chest.

Just when it seems like the fight might spiral out of control, Bellamy’s voice booms from the other side of the clearing. “Cut it out! Now!” His men rush in, pulling Murphy and the others apart. Murphy’s lip is split, his knuckles bloodied, and he’s limping slightly as he steps back, but his glare is unwavering.

“Idiots,” Bellamy mutters, shoving the group apart before turning to address the camp. “We don’t have time for this crap. Get back to work.”

I approach Murphy cautiously as the crowd disperses, my heart still racing. “Are you okay?” I ask, my voice quieter than I intend. He shrugs, wincing slightly.

“I’ve had worse,” he mutters, but there’s a spark in his eyes that makes my stomach flip. I motion for him to follow me, and he does, albeit reluctantly.

We settle near the edge of the clearing, away from prying eyes. I pull a cloth from my bag, dousing it with water from a nearby container, and carefully press it to his split lip. He flinches but doesn’t pull away.

“You didn’t have to do that,” I murmur, focusing on his injuries to avoid meeting his gaze.

“Yeah, I did,” he replies, his tone softer than I expect. “I don’t like seeing pretty girls getting fucked with.”

The words catch me off guard, and I freeze, my cheeks burning. “Pretty?” I echo, barely above a whisper.

He smirks, despite the pain. “Don’t act so surprised.”

I bite my lip, trying to steady the butterflies in my stomach. “Well, you still didn’t have to. I… I would’ve been fine.”

“I wanted to,” he says simply, his eyes locking with mine. They’re softer now, but there’s still that fire, that edge that makes my chest ache in the strangest way.

Later that night, I find him limping back toward his tent. He’s clearly still sore, and I can’t help but feel a pang of guilt. I rush to his side, steadying him without asking, and he doesn’t protest.

“Where are you staying?” he asks as we near his tent.

I hesitate. “I… I don’t know yet. I haven’t figured it out.”

He stops and looks at me, something unreadable in his expression. “If you want… you can stay here with me. At least for the night, until you find something better.”

I blink, caught off guard by the offer. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he says, shrugging like it’s no big deal. “Come on.”

Inside, the tent is modest but functional. He pulls out a few extra tarps and blankets, and for a moment, I think he’s going to hand them to me. Instead, he moves to the side and builds a makeshift nest on the ground.

“You can stay on the bed,” he says, gesturing to a crude structure made of wood and tarp.

“But you… you’re hurt. You should take it,” I protest.

“I’m fine,” he insists, settling into his makeshift spot. “Just take the bed.”

Reluctantly, I do, but the guilt lingers. As I lie there, the space between us feels both too small and impossibly vast. My heart races as I glance at him, his silhouette illuminated faintly by the moonlight seeping through the tarp.

I’ll make this up to him, I think, the thought echoing in my mind as sleep pulls me under. Somehow, I’ll make this up to John Murphy.

----

The next morning, I wake before the sun has fully risen, the soft light filtering through the tent casting everything in a muted glow. My body aches slightly from the unfamiliar bed, but it's nothing compared to the guilt twisting in my stomach. Murphy’s breathing is steady, his figure barely moving in his nest of blankets. For a moment, I just watch him, my thoughts racing.

How do I repay someone like John Murphy? He’s not exactly the type to accept a thank-you note or some grand gesture. And yet, I can’t just let this go. He stood up for me. No one’s ever done that before.

I decide to start by making myself useful. By the time Murphy stirs, I’ve already gathered some extra supplies—scrap wood, pieces of metal, and anything else I could scavenge that might help fortify his tent. It’s not much, but it’s something.

“What are you doing?” his voice startles me as I crouch near the entrance, sorting through the pile of things I’ve collected.

I glance up to find him leaning against the makeshift doorframe, his hair tousled and his bruises more pronounced in the morning light. Despite everything, he still manages to look effortlessly confident, like he owns the space around him.

“I thought I could fix this place up a bit,” I mumble, gesturing to the tarp-covered structure. “You know, to say thanks.”

He snorts, limping over to me. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know,” I say quickly, standing to face him. “But I want to. You helped me… now let me help you.”

For a moment, he just looks at me, his eyes narrowing slightly like he’s trying to figure me out. Finally, he shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

I spend the day patching holes in the tarp, reinforcing the wooden frame, and even managing to scavenge enough materials to build a small windbreak on one side. Murphy mostly watches, occasionally tossing out sarcastic comments about my handiwork but never outright stopping me. Despite his gruff demeanor, I catch him glancing at me with something that almost looks like amusement—or approval.

That evening, as we sit by the small fire outside his tent, the tension between us feels different. Lighter, maybe.

“Not bad,” he says, nodding toward the newly fortified tent. “For a beginner.”

I roll my eyes but can’t help the small smile tugging at my lips. “Glad it meets your high standards.”

He chuckles, the sound low and warm. “Seriously, though. Thanks.”

I glance at him, surprised by the genuine note in his voice. “You’re welcome,” I say softly, my cheeks heating under his gaze.

The fire crackles between us, and for a moment, the world feels still. Safe. But then Murphy shifts, leaning closer, and the air grows heavy again.

“You didn’t have to do all that,” he says, his voice quieter now. “I’m not exactly… the easiest guy to be around.”

I laugh softly, shaking my head. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.” His smirk returns, and I add, “But you’re not as bad as you think you are.”

He raises an eyebrow, leaning back and stretching his legs out in front of him. “Careful. Keep talking like that, and I might start to believe you.”

Something about the way he says it makes my chest ache. I want to say more, to tell him that he’s more than he lets on, but the words catch in my throat. Instead, I settle for silence, letting the moment speak for itself.

Later that night, as we settle into the tent again, I catch him watching me from his spot on the ground. “You know,” he says, his voice casual, “you don’t have to keep trying to pay me back. We’re even.”

I shake my head, lying back on the makeshift bed. “We’re not even,” I say firmly. “Not yet.”

He smirks, rolling onto his side to face me. “You’re stubborn, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told,” I reply, my heart skipping a beat as his gaze lingers on me.

As the silence stretches between us, I realize something: this—whatever is happening between me and John Murphy—isn’t simple. It’s complicated and messy and far from perfect. But as I close my eyes, the thought that echoes in my mind is clear.

I’m not done making this up to him. Not by a long shot.

-----

Here’s how the story could continue:

It’s been weeks since I first shared Murphy’s tent, and somehow, we’ve fallen into a routine. By now, the camp feels less chaotic, though tensions still run high. Murphy has wormed his way into Bellamy’s inner circle, his sharp tongue and quick fists earning him a reputation as someone not to mess with. Meanwhile, I’ve kept busy scavenging, helping around the camp, and doing my best to stay out of trouble.

Sharing the tent has become oddly… comfortable. Murphy’s sarcasm is as biting as ever, but I’ve started to notice a shift. He flirts now, subtle but deliberate, his words often laced with a teasing edge that leaves me flustered. Sometimes he touches me—just small things, like his hand brushing mine when he hands me something or his shoulder bumping against me as we sit by the fire. Each time, it sends a jolt through me, a warmth that lingers long after the moment has passed.

One evening, Murphy doesn’t meet me by the fire like he usually does. My stomach twists with unease as I make my way back to the tent, a small bundle of supplies in hand. When I step inside, I find him lying on the bed, pale and shivering despite the warm air.

“Murphy?” I set the supplies down, kneeling beside him. His eyes flicker open, glassy with fever, and he groans.

“Don’t feel so great,” he mutters, his voice hoarse.

I touch his forehead and immediately pull my hand back—it’s burning hot. Panic prickles at the edges of my mind. “You’re burning up. What did you eat?”

He grimaces, his head lolling to the side. “Some berries… thought they were fine.”

My heart sinks. I should’ve checked what he was eating.

“Stay here,” I say, though it’s clear he’s not going anywhere. I rush out to grab water, clean cloths, and anything else I can think of to help. When I return, he hasn’t moved, his breathing shallow and uneven.

I soak a cloth in the water and press it to his forehead, my hands trembling. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” I whisper, though my voice wavers with worry. “You scare off those guys like you’re invincible, but you can’t even tell which berries are safe to eat?”

He lets out a weak chuckle, his lips curving into a faint smirk despite his condition. “Can’t help it… I’m a badass.”

“Yeah, sure,” I mutter, but my chest tightens as I dab at his face, trying to cool him down. His eyes flutter open, and the way he looks at me—soft, vulnerable, and so unlike his usual sharpness—makes my heart skip.

“You’re pretty when you’re worried,” he murmurs, his voice barely audible.

I freeze, heat rushing to my face. “You’re delirious,” I say quickly, focusing on wringing out the cloth.

“Maybe,” he says, his smirk faint but present. “Still true.”

The night drags on, and I stay by his side, wiping his forehead, making him sip water when he can manage it. At some point, he reaches for my hand, his grip weak but steady, and I let him hold it, my heart thudding in my chest.

By morning, his fever finally breaks. He’s still pale and weak, but he manages a tired smile as I sit beside him, exhaustion weighing heavy on my shoulders.

“You took care of me,” he says, his voice rough but steadier than before.

“Someone had to,” I reply, brushing a strand of hair from my face.

“You don’t owe me anymore,” he says, his gaze locking with mine. “We’re even now.”

The words catch me off guard, and I falter. “What?”

“You patched me up,” he says simply. “You were there for me when I needed you just like I was there for you when you needed me.. You don’t have to feel guilty or try to make it up to me anymore.”

For a moment, I can’t speak. Then I let out a soft laugh, shaking my head. “Fine. We’re even.”

His smirk returns, stronger this time. “Good. Now I can ask you out without you thinking it’s some kind of debt repayment.”

My breath catches, and I stare at him, stunned. “What?”

“You heard me,” he says, his smirk widening despite the faint flush creeping up his neck. “I like you. So, what do you say? Dinner by the fire tonight? I might even scavenge something decent.”

I blink, my heart pounding. “You’re impossible,” I mutter, but a smile tugs at my lips.

“Is that a yes?”

I bite my lip, unable to stop the warmth spreading through me. “Yeah. It’s a yes.”

His grin is worth every sleepless hour of the night before.

[yiangchen]

it's so tragic funny that while i was watching t100, jroth was so adamant that there was nothing romantic there with bellarke, that it literally made me doubt what was very clearly being written as romantic (and it actually was. like, we know this now. it has been confirmed).

looking back, bellarke could have kissed at so many different points in the show, without changing anything else but having them kiss, and it would have made perfect sense. it would have flowed. it would have aligned with their relationship development.

just think about it. 1x09. unity day. is this a bit early? yes. but do they have the chemistry? yes. and have they had sufficient build up for two characters to have their first kiss? yes. honestly more than a lot of ships that happen in the first season of their show. especially since day trip just happened! plus, the flirting during unity day was...not subtle.

listen...she wanted to kiss him here so bad. seriously though. clarke could have and that would have been a very natural progression of this scene. it would have especially fit the early drop ship days vibe.

(or you could add in a scene where clarke finds him later, now sufficiently buzzed, they flirt some more, then she kisses him, and bellamy's like, "woah, woah, princess, what are you doing?" but he's smiling and she just shrugs with a smile and goes in to kiss him again, saying "having fun", and bellamy says, "you're drunk" and clarke is exasperated saying, "well you told me to!" and bellamy laughs, very amused, and from the look in his eyes, you can tell that he is also very very VERY smitten.)

if you still think that's too soon, yeah, i tend to agree. i love the idea of s1 bellarke in fanfic, but for the show, i prefer a bit more of slowburn. so let's push it to season 2. no, that's not a true slowburn, but still, you had to wait a little for it, and a lot of shows do this successfully. so anyway. 2x05. post iconic reunion hug, shot in a very romantic way i might add.

bellamy is watching clarke sleep by the fire, she wakes, we have some platonic gazing with firelight flickering across their faces...

we all know how the scene goes. he reassures her. he confides in her. she reassures him back.

i'm sorry, but the way they are looking at each other here? dude, if they had been sitting any closer, they could have kissed. i tend to think it would be more in character for clarke to initiate a first kiss with bellamy in s1-4, but in this scene, i 100% could see bellamy going in to kiss her after this.

(and yes, i'm aware that octavia was pretending to be asleep this whole time, but honestly, her reaction to them would have added some much needed levity to the situation. octavia is a bellarke shipper, after all. also, some people might say that this would make clarke's "i love you" to finn less believable, but i disagree. you can have feelings for two people at the same time. i mean, she literally kisses lxa very quickly after finn's death sooo yeah...plus, it would have made the bellarke angst of s2b/3 even better.)

maybe you still want more of a slowburn though, and that is perfectly fair, which brings me to s3, which in my opinion would have been one of the best seasons for canon bellarke. alright. 3x05. hakeldama yup! it was prime time for a first kiss. i mean, all the build up of s1/2 obviously, but also...this had just happened:

but anyway...back to hakeldama. this is the peak of their angst. nothing tops it.

but then, after the heat of the moment, the softness comes in. as it always does with these two. they wind up sharing the softest, most romantic scene in this entire show (fight me).

that last gif, man...at this point, i think they would both go in for the kiss. mutually initiated. god, it would have fit the scene so well!

(some people might say that this would invalidate clarke's love for lxa, considering everything that happens two eps later, but again, i disagree. like i said before, you can have feelings for two people at the same time. people might also say that this would undermine bellamy's relationship with gina, but you know what? the whole fucking narrative undermined that relationship, so i really don't care. i loved gina, but if clarke can kiss lxa right after finn's death, then bellamy can kiss clarke right after gina's death. this show is messy, okay? and bellarke are messy as fuckkkk.)

still think it would be too early? okay. season 4 then. very recently, i realized how easy making bellarke canon in s4 would have been, holyyyy. starting off in 4x03. bellamy is sleeping on the couch and clarke watches him sleep with the softest smile on her face (i'm still crying about this btw). i can't find the right gif, but you all know the smile! then clarke is struggling so bellamy wakes up and is there to support her, making a declaration that has romantic undertones, it just does!

and then clarke lowkey makes a move on him lmao. for real though?? what was this???

i would only change one thing here. he takes a seat beside her first and then puts his hand on her shoulder. so that way they are eye level (aka kissing level).

when she lifts her head off their hands, their faces would be so close. maybe bellamy would tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, not realizing how intimate that kind of thing is until he does it. i could see them kissing here. clarke would initiate. although, i think it would be so much better if it was just an almost kiss. bellamy tells her she should get some sleep right before it happens.

and then in 4x06...

it's actually so funny how she says that and then she's like 'oh no. that sounded like it implied something. i did not mean to imply.'

and bellamy's over here like 'omg she's implying.'

which leads to him literally about to confess. i'm sorry, but there is no other way to interpret....

and of course clarke interrupts, but this is the moment, you guys! this could have been the moment.

right after this, before roan's interruption, there's a pause, and then clarke kisses him. it's a quick one. the kind of kiss where she has both of her hands on his face and he's so stunned by it that his eyebrows raise in surprise and before he can even process that it's happened, she's pulled back and they're looking at each other, a bit in awe, both surprised that she just did that.

then in 4x09, we actually get to see the reunion!! and it's the running kind. just like 2x05. only this time, after they run to each other and hug, bellamy pulls back and takes her face in his hands to examine her for injuries, and once he realizes she's okay, probably after she reassures him and puts a hand on his face, then he kisses her, but they both go in for it (and i cry).

in 4x13, i would change the location of the head and heart scene. somewhere more private...a bedroom (!). so, after this moment:

and bellamy turns away, upset, clarke pulls him back to face her and takes his face in her hands. his eyes are watery. so are hers. she kisses him. one thing leads to another and we get the sex scene we deserved!! then they're lying in bed, cuddling. bellamy's head is on her chest and clarke's playing with his hair. that's when she decides to ruin the moment lmao and continues the head and heart convo with "we've been through a lot together, you and i." i can just see it so well. they would shift so that they're laying on their sides, facing one another. maybe clarke's fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck now. when she says he has a big heart, her palm rests on his bare chest. when she says he has to use his head too, her fingers of her other hand shift from his neck to his temple. when bellamy says, "i've got you for that," clarke kisses him. their foreheads stay touching for a few breathes, then she pulls back to look at him and says that raven's premonition came true. like...am i crazy or would this have worked so well?? literally the same dialogue but...they're together.

(plus, this could have led to clarke raising bellamy's kid--august--along with madi over those six years they are separated, i'm just saying!)

maybe you still think that season 5 was the ultimate time for bellarke to go canon, and you know what? i honestly might just agree. the set up was there with clarke calling bellamy every day for 2,199 days. the potential was there. madi was the biggest bellarke shipper i swear. she wanted them to be together even more than all of us combined i think. for a bellarke kiss though, you would almost have to drastically change the course of events...unless you go with 5x13 and blecho have broken up earlier in the season. after clarke wakes bellamy from cryo (still crying about this moment, yeah!), i could see them having a moment.

before jordan walks in, maybe clarke helps bellamy out of the pod, and once they're both standing, bellamy would finally make his move. instead of bellamy asking why they're the only ones there, clarke does. bellamy tells her, "we'll figure it out, clarke, but first, i have something i wanna say." maybe he does something soft, like take her hand or brush her hair behind her ear. clarke is staring at him, not quite believing what is happening right now, but deep down, she knows. he tells her, "those six years without you were the worst of my life and i don't wanna waste any more time." clarke is wearing a watery smile, still not quite sure she believes what she's hearing. she tells him, "i radioed you every day you were gone." bellamy's whole face lights up and he tells her, "i know." their foreheads touch. both of his hands are cradling her cheeks, her hands are cradling his wrists. she whispers his name. it's the kind of kiss where the time before the kiss is excruciatingly long, but once they kiss, it becomes much more urgent as they finally give in to all of the feelings. god. would have been ICONIC.

plus, they both looked absolutely gorgeous in this scene. hello???

would have been one hell of an aesthetically pleasing first kiss holyyyy. then jordan interrupts and makes some comment about how his mom and dad were right all along :)

if not season 5 though...moving onto season 6. 6x10 to be exact. i know i've said that other times were the ultimate time for canon bellarke, but this episode is too! or right after it in 6x11. there are two scenarios that i see playing out here. (in both, blecho have broken up previously.)

in the first scenario, it's 6x10. as soon as bellamy saves clarke and she wakes up, instead of going in to hug him, i swear when i was watching it that i really thought she was going in for the kiss. that was the one and only time where i legitimately thought they were about to kiss while watching. it had never made more sense than in that moment. even with all of jroth's attempted brainwashing, my mind was stronger in that moment. it saw it coming. or at least i thought i did lmao. i know they didn't actually kiss.

but listen.

they really should have.

clarke is literally looking at him like this:

come on, man.

i usually say that bellamy should be the one initiating post s4, but in this moment, it would have been clarke.

and if not then, the other scenario is that they hug as usual. clarke gets some rest as usual. but when she wakes up in 6x11 and bellamy is at her side, they are in a separate private tent. they have that same conversation that they do. they argue about clarke risking her life again. but then...

he tells her, "hey, i just got you back." he says it firm but soft. i see bellamy initiating the kiss here, especially since he's almost lost her twice now, but once clarke realizes that this is really happening, that after all this time he wants her just as much as she wants him, she would for sure be the one initiating everything else. she would be sitting in his lap making out with him so fast jfsldkjfaslk and you know what? good for her!! they either just kiss a lot here, laying down on the bed, all tangled up together, and then they're interrupted, or maybe, just for once, they're allowed to be happy, uninterrupted, and they sleep together. either way. natural progression.

that's really the point of this longwinded post. so many times it could have happened. all of them a nature progression of the story that was being told.

then comes season 7...

there are no words.

6x13 left them off in a perfect place...

the set up was literally right there! they should have kissed in 7x01!! they should have lived happily ever after with madi in a seaside cabin situated in a field of gold!!

[navia3000]

a l l t o o w e l l

Includes : Bellamy Blake

Genre : Angst, very little fluff

Warnings : Minimal use of Y/N, first person pov, mentions of fighting, mentions of praimfaya, not proofread

Based on : All Too Well by Taylor Swift

Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there

Y/N and Bellamy Blake had a complicated relationship from the start. From the moment the drop ship landed on Earth and Blake asserted his dominance over the 100, she despised him. He was arrogant, cocky, and rude.

However, Clarke Griffin, a close friend of hers, insisted on an “alliance” of sorts, claiming it was necessary for survival. And now, the girl has to bite her tongue as Clarke and Blake have become the leaders of the 100, the king and queen.

The 100 were currently working on building a wall around the campsite to help defend from the grounders. She had been helping put the walls up for hours, and was in desperate need of a break.

Even though she knew both Clarke and Bellamy would scorn her if they saw her, she snuck outside the camp and walked to a quiet meadow away from the chaos in the drop ship.

She sat on a log among the grass and flowers, breathing in the floral and earthy scents. She couldn’t help but look back on her time on the Ark and its stale, metallic scent. She was glad that she was among the few people to come back to Earth. She used to dream of feeling the blades of grass tickle the palms of her hands, the flower petals caressing her nose and cheeks, the scent of dirt and trees and leaves and greenery blessing her scent buds.

The snap of a twig brought her out of her nostalgic thoughts, defenses coming up immediately in fear of a Grounder. She didn’t think to bring a weapon with her, being in desperate need of a break.

She turned to find not a Grounder, but Bellamy Blake stalking towards her, a stern look on his face. “What are you doing out here?” He sounded angry.

It was her turn to scowl. “I’m taking a break, what are you doing?”

“I saw you sneak off. Are you insane? There are Grounders out here, and you didn’t even tell anyone you were leaving.”

“Jeez, Blake, I’m only a couple minutes away from camp. Plus, what do you care if a Grounder gets me?”

He seemed taken aback by her question. After a few seconds of silence, he finally spoke. “Of course I care. Keeping you guys safe is my responsibility.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.” They stared at each other for what felt like eons, until she patted the space next to her, inviting him to sit. Maybe it was the serene atmosphere that made her extend an invitation, or maybe it was the fact that she was tired of the constant battle between her and Bellamy. They were like ice and liquor, like water and vinegar.

He hesitated for a moment before moving to sit with her. The pair sat in silence, taking in the view in front of them. Maybe being in each other’s company wasn’t so bad.

Down the stairs, I was there, I was there

“Where is he?” She was frantic, eyes scanning the drop ship for Bellamy. Murphy had come back from being tortured by the Grounders, bringing an infectious illness along with him. They had spent hours taking care of the sick delinquents, when the girl had been told about Bellamy getting sick. Her and Bellamy had reached a sort of stalemate after their “moment” in the meadow. They didn’t hate each other, but they didn’t like each other.

She lies to herself, because, she does like him. More than she wants to. And now, hearing he’s sick with this deadly disease made her regret all the times she had argued with him.

“He’s here,” Clarke pointed to a secluded corner in the ship, where she saw Octavia leaning over her brother, a wet rag to his forehead. “You shouldn’t be in here,” Clarke warned, but the girl didn’t listen. She rushed to Bellamy’s side, and her heart broke seeing his face contorted in pain.

She took the rag from Octavia’s hands, “go rest.” She watched as Octavia smiled appreciatively, and walked away.

As she put the rag to Bellamy’s forehead, she saw Bellamy’s eyes open and focus on her, his chocolate irises burning with concern. “What- what are you doing?” Bellamy choked out. “You’ll get sick.”

She shushed him, smiling sweetly, hoping to bring some sort of comfort to the sick man. “It’s okay. Just close your eyes.” He stared at her a little longer, before deciding to close his eyes, knowing she would stay by his side the whole night.

Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there

“She did it,” Octavia whispered. Clarke had finally pulled the lever, destroying the City of Light along with A.L.I.E. Bellamy and Octavia watch as their friends and the citizens of Polis snap out of their trance, being relieved from A.L.I.E’s hold.

Bellamy, however, was focused on one person. Y/N. The girl he hated and grew to love. His girl.

After their experience in Mount Weather, Bellamy and her’s relationship evolved, growing closer together.

Unfortunately for Bellamy, she was forced to take the Key, making her forget her happy memories with Bellamy, and turning her into A.L.I.E’s most trusted soldier.

She had been fighting Bellamy and Octavia, using the skills she learnt from Octavia and the Grounders. Bellamy didn’t want to fight her. He hated the thought of hurting her. But her pursuit against him was relentless, her punches hurting more and more.

They were close to killing each other, until Clarke ended it all.

He watched as she snapped out of whatever trance she was in. Her eyes were glazed over with confusion, but they cleared once they landed on his. At once, she launched herself into his arms. He held tightly onto her, relief flooding his body.

She pulled back to look him in the eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Bell,” she whispered. She pushed her lips onto his, letting the kiss speak the words she couldn’t say.

Bellamy kissed back with as much passion, feeling his crumpled heart straighten itself out again.

He was never going to let her go again.

It was rare, you remember it all too well

Bellamy watched down from the window of the ship, memories playing in his head like a film on a movie screen. However, this film wasn’t a happy one. This film was one of sadness, tragedy, betrayal. Bellamy regrets that moment every day of his life. He regrets the moment he had to leave his lover along with his best friend on Earth, abandoning them to radiation that would kill them.

If only things didn’t turn out this way. Bellamy lives every day in space plagued with dreams of what his life could’ve been. Of him being with her, hugging her, kissing her. Living a normal life. A life without Grounders, radiation, killer AI. A life where him and her could be happy. If only things were different.

If only the weren’t doomed from the start.

[countrymusiclover]

7 - We Can't Just Live by "Whatever the Hell we Want"

Part 8

Star Crossed Enemies

Bellamy dragged me inside the closet empty tent, harshly holding onto my wrist until we were both standing inside the tent where he felt comfortable bickering in my face.  “Why didn't you just tell me the truth from the beginning?” 

“Maybe because it's none of your freaking business.” I snapped back. 

He growled, tightening his grip on my forearm he was still holding onto.  “She’s your sister.  Your twin sister and she has no clue about it.” 

“Yes.  I thought I explained it pretty clearly unless you got dropped on your head a lot when you were a child.” 

Bellamy dug his fingers deeper into my forearm, where I wondered if his goal was to draw blood from my body or something.  “The whole point of me letting you mingle around my camp was to help us survive.  But now I - I don't know how to trust a word you say.” 

“I don’t see you spilling all your deepest darkest secrets to me which means I shouldn't have to do the same thing to you.” 

Bellamy raised a brow warning me.  “Remember who's in charge here, grounder.” 

“Do you want to fight, Blake cause I'll give you a fight.” I took a step closer until our noses were touching one another. 

I didn't care if he said he was the one in charge.  I could easily drop his ass right here and now.  Plus he needed to get some sense knocked into him to realize he didn't get to know everyone's business, especially if he wouldn't share his own past with someone like me.  “I want you to start trusting me, Cassie.” 

“What have you done to earn my trust, hmm.  Why should I care about anything you say?  You've repeatedly thrown me around like shit since we’ve met rather than show me any little bit of humanity or kindness.” 

Bellamy lowered his gaze to the ground briefly, muttering under his breath where I swore I didn't hear him correctly.  “I was the reason mine and Octavia's mother got floated on the Ark.” 

“What? Bellamy, I'm-” 

I wasn’t allowed to finish my sentence before the flap was flung opened by Octavia and the boy who wore goggles on his head entering the tent.  “Jasper and I need to show you something. Where's Clarke?” 

“In the dropship.” Bellamy replied. 

The guy named Jasper ducked outside the tent going to get the blonde.  “I'll go get her.” 

Once my sister and Jasper came back into the tent they showed a knife made of metal that wouldn’t have been one of mine.  “ So, there's a murderer in the camp?”

“There's more than one murderer in this camp. This isn't news. We need to keep it quiet.” Bellamy briefly looked around at the group knowing it was a camp full of prisoners. 

My sister kept a hold of the knife attempting to leave.  “Get out of my way, Bellamy.”

“Clarke, be smart about this. Look at what we've achieved… the wall, the patrols. Like it or not, thinking the Grounders killed Wells is good for us.” 

She snapped back at him.  “Oh, good for you, you mean. What… keep people afraid and they'll work for you? Is that it?”

“Yeah. That's it. But it's good for all of us. Fear of the Grounders is building that wall. And besides, what are you gonna do… just walk out there and ask the killer to step forward? You don't even know whose knife that is.” He glanced down to the blade in her hands. 

She challenged him, holding it up to his eye level, pushing her way out of the tent.  “Oh, really? J.M. John Murphy. The people have a right to know.”

“Cassie.” Bellamy called my name seeing me slip out of the tent following after my sister. 

“You son of a bitch!”

Murphy stumbled backwards when she shoved him harshly and a lot of people who were building the wall paused their work to watch.  “What's your problem?”

My sister held up the knife.  “Recognize this?”

“ It's my knife. Where'd you find it?” He attempted to reach for it but she held it from his grasp. 

She glared at him before I felt someone standing behind me where I looked out the corner of my eye to see Bellamy and his sister behind me.  “Where you dropped it after you killed Wells.”

Murphy didn’t believe what she was saying to him.  “Where I what? The Grounders killed Wells, not me.”

“I know what you did, and you're gonna pay for it.” Clarke got up in his face. 

Murphy shoved her away pointing his finger at me.  “I didn’t kill anyone.  Why don’t you ask the prisoner that’s just walking around our camp like she ain’t a fucking grounder.” 

“I’m helping your people survive, asshole.  The portals, the wall and everything else were my ideas.” I jumped into the conversation not wanting to be blamed for something I didn’t even remotely do. 

Murphy stomped over about to take a swing at me until Bellamy grabbed his wrist getting up in his face.  “If you touch her.  You and me are going to have problems.” 

“He might be right.  Why don’t we float them both?” A black guy asked looking around th room. 

My sister looked back at him.   “That doesn’t seem necessary.” 

“I say we float them both.” The guy ignored her and the crowd started chanting the same words. 

“Float them!” 

Reaching down to my boot for a weapon I remembered Bellamy had my weapons back in his tent.  A few of the stronger guys came over twisting my arms behind my back dragging me behind Murphy until we were at the edge of the camp wall.  “No. No. No, please don’t!” 

“Make sure she can’t escape.” The black guy instructed one of the guys who was wrapping zip ties around my wrist. 

Murphy was put on the same metal box stand as I was.  But he had a gag around his mouth and rope around his neck.  “Bellamy! Please don’t let them do this.” Tears welling in my eyes I struggle to get free of the ties but the rope around my neck wasn’t helping me get out faster. 

My sister shoved Bellamy slightly backwards.  “You can stop this.  They’ll listen to you.” 

“Bellamy! You should do it.  Bellamy.” The black guy started chanting and the crowd followed.  “Bellamy, Bellamy.” 

My sister pointed her finger at his chest.  “I saw you in the woods with Atom.  I know you’re not a killer.  Bellamy, don’t do this.” 

“Bell - amy!” I croaked out seeing him coming forward, eyeing me before he kicked the crate and I gasped sharply feeling my throat get closed tightly by the rope and the crowd cheering yet only for a brief moment.  My eyes closed when my breathing began to return to somewhat normal when I felt my body falling to the ground.  Except what I landed on wasn’t harsh twigs and wet dirt from the rain but muscular arms causing me to use what little energy I had regained to shift my head upward seeing Bellamy staring down at me.  “Bell - you cut mine.” 

Clarke cried in anger while my eyes rolled seeing Murphy still hanging by the rope.  “How could you!” 

“This is on you, princess.  You should’ve kept your mouth shut.” Bellamy shouted back at the blonde still holding me against his chest bridal style.  “Some sister you turned out to be!” 

She stumbled backwards in confusion.  “What?” 

The crowd's cheering turned into shouts when someone came running in giving orders to cut Murphy down.  Two guys took out weapons threatening to hurt the one guy until the young child Bellamy had told me about broke through the madness.  “Murphy didn’t kill Wells.  I - I did!” That was all it took before everyone went silent. 

“Cassie - Cassie, no, no, stay awake for me.” Bellamy shifted his gaze down to me feeling my body going limp in his arms.  My eyes rolled into the back of my head before I passed out.  “Cassie!” 

[ohariadnes]

my fics masterlist

Here is a masterlist of all of my fics sorted by fandom. This will be updated as fics are posted and updated. Here is the link to my ao3 profile.

barter your pain for sweet relief: wip ship: rupert/taggie

A month after Rupert and Taggie's kiss, Tony offers her a job: her very own culinary show at Corinium. She shouldn't take it, and maybe she wouldn't, if everything was different. Except she does, it isn't, and there's no going back now. As it stands, Taggie doesn’t set out to ruin her life. In fact, she intends to fix it. Only it doesn’t work out quite like that. At all. 

Both Sides Now: wip ship: rupert/taggie

Taggie gets pregnant with Seb’s baby and does her best to be the kind of wife he deserves. Rupert watches from afar and tries to not turn to stone without her warmth. They fail, of course. Because, in the end, Taggie loves Rupert all wrong. He loves her even worse. And there isn’t anything in this world that can uproot them.

there's bound to be talk tomorrow: rupert/taggie: oneshot

the sea is a good place (to think of the future): complete ship: bellarke

Private Clarke Griffin was presumed dead in the act of saving her squad during their deployment in war-torn Azgeda. For six years and seven days, Bellamy believed he’d lost her, never saying how he truly felt about her. But then, a miracle. Bellamy discovers that Clarke’s alive, and coming home, and she’s not alone. But six years in captivity is a long time, and there’s so much for the both of them to confront. It will take everything they have to do it, but there’s hope. There’s the possibility for them to heal. And hopefully not only that, but to heal together.

my sky's not blue, it's violent rain: complete ship: bellarke

Bellamy's a spy for Mt. Weather, damning his soul in exchange for keeping Octavia alive. Then his latest assignment to infiltrate Griffin's Laboratories and get close to one Clarke Griffin changes everything. Suddenly, he doesn't have just one person he'd do anything to protect. If only she didn't hate him once she discovers the truth about him. To his utmost surprise though, she agrees to work with him to save his sister and bring down Mt. Weather. Betrayal might keep Bellamy and Clarke apart, but regardless of the lies and whirlwind of emotions, if they're going to succeed, they're in this together.

need you like water in my lungs: complete ship: bellarke

Years after Clarke left Bellamy heartbroken, they reunite in the worst of ways. They're a ship out to sea in a brewing storm, and while they both know this only ends in disaster, there's no way in hell either one of them is going to stop it.

Rock Bottom: wip ship: bellarke & murven

Echo and Bellamy get engaged, and it sets off a series of events Clarke could never predict. One moment, she’s sobbing about her supposed unrequited love for Bellamy, and the next, she and Murphy are kissing. It turns out while she’s been pining, so has Murphy, for Raven. The two decide if they’re gonna be heartbroken, then they might as well rely on one another at the same time. In a move that will impact the entire group in unexpected, drama-filled, and wild ways, the two decide, “fuck it,” and become friends with benefits. After all, what’s the worst that can happen? As it turns out, a lot.

Send Me on My Way: wip ship: bellarke & murven

Clarke and Raven despise Bellamy and Murphy in college. But that doesn’t stop them from sleeping with them when a party plus a round of Dance Dance Revolution leads to a whole lot more. 12 years later, Raven and Clarke are raising their daughters, Robin and Madi. They hope to keep the secret forever, and have accepted being alone in return. Of course, their kids, and fate, have other ideas.

Brokenness is a Form of Art: wip ship: bellarke & murven

An impulse. A prayer. A hope. Bellamy stays behind with Clarke as Praimfaya hits. And everything that happens after.

I Got You Babe: wip ship: bellarke & memori

Reports are coming in that The Primes have struck again, leaving yet another vault empty and a security team utterly confused as to how it happened. More to come in the latest development on the now ten year spree of robberies in Arkadia. Will The Primes ever be caught? Or will their reign continue for yet another year? John Murphy and Bellamy Blake, private investigators, and self-proclaimed badasses, figure the case of The Primes will lead to a key to the city or another award to put on their shelves. They count on their tact ability to root out criminals and best kept secrets. What that they don't count on are Emori Woodhouse and Clarke Griffin, tenacious investigative journalists who've been working the case for five years. They're not about to just let a couple of outsiders handle things, given their own personal ties to it. A disastrous first meeting sparks a game of wit and skill with a side of immature shenanigans. Then, the stakes are raised, and it's not just money on the line, but lives of innocents. They're forced to put aside their differences if they're going to even have a chance at solving this damn case. Once and for all.

It's All Happening: wip ship: bellarke

Bellamy Blake's dedicated to his sobriety and wife Gina. Clarke Griffin's dedicated to her next high and teetering on the edge of collapse. What they share is an all-encompassing love of music. As Clarke Griffin and The Six, they, along with Octavia, Harper, Monty, Murphy, and Miller, become legends. Against the glittering backdrop of the 1970s, the band will learn what being a rock god truly entails, and what happens when you find your soulmate at the exact wrong time.

Comeback Kids: wip ship: clurphy

Bellamy dies, and Clarke isn't sure how she's meant to make it in a world without her soulmate. Just as she and his best friend, Murphy, lose their grip on Bellamy, he starts appearing to them as a ghost. Clarke thinks there's no life for her without Bellamy, but Murphy's intent on showing her that it's still worth living, even amongst the pain. He helps Clarke heal and have hope once more, all while talking to his dead friend, convincing him that they'll survive. Though he knows neither one of them will ever be whole again, he thinks things might be okay, one day. If only he and Clarke didn't fall in love, like proper idiots.

devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes: bellarke & josibriel: oneshot

first the parent-teacher association, then the world: memori: oneshot

i'll stop the world and melt with you: bellarke: oneshot

For the History Books: bellarke: oneshot

the art of imprinting on "platonic" soulmates: bellarke: oneshot

got a lucky one: bellarke: oneshot

Walking with a Ghost: bellarke: oneshot

get punched for the love club: murphamy: oneshot

Body Talk: bellarke: oneshot

we were something, don't you think so?: bellarke, memori, clurphy: oneshot

In the Daylight: clurphy: oneshot

Gotta Wait for You Baby: bellarke: oneshot

the most i could give you is nothing at all: bellarke: oneshot

Your Needs, My Needs: complete ship: daisybilly

Six years after that fateful show in Chicago, Ellemar Records calls in on the band's unfulfilled contracts, forcing Daisy, Billy and the rest of the band to grapple with their past and present. But it also might be able to help them save their futures. It's 1983, and Daisy Jones and The Six aren't done just yet.

would it be better if our love wasn't defined by our art?: complete ship: daisybilly

Daisy finds her hope and belief in love and life in October of 1977. Five years later, Billy struggles to cling onto his own. When they reunite at Warren’s wedding in the summer of 1982, both of their lives change forever all over again.

Living Proof: wip ship: daisybilly

Daisy’s life is almost perfect, right up until the moment it isn’t. When her childhood best friend, and burgeoning rockstar husband, Graham gets cancer, everything falls apart. The only person who understands what she’s going through is Billy, even though they’ve never liked one another. And then, because her world isn’t broken enough, she and Billy do something unforgivable. They fall in love.

All This and Heaven Too: wip ship: daisybilly

Daisy and Billy don’t leave the band after Chicago. Instead, The AURORA world-tour continues with a newly sober Daisy, and a Billy who’s spiraling further and further out of control. Leaving is easy. It turns out that staying is the hard thing.

this modern love (it kills me): wip ship: daisyeddie

In which Daisy doesn't leave the band after that night in Chicago, might just find peace, and somehow...Falls in love.

Hungry All the Time: wip ship: daisybilly

Twenty years after Chicago, Billy knocks and Daisy answers. But nothing is ever that simple for them. For I feel my only crime is being hungry all the time In every possible definition of that word

You've Haunted Me All My Life: daisybilly: oneshot

Don't Leave Me Here Alone: daisybilly: oneshot

I Never Was the Best to You: daisybilly: oneshot

Like a Full on Rainstorm: daisybilly: oneshot

Just What I Needed: daisybilly: oneshot

Would I Have You in My Dreams Tonite?: daisybilly: oneshot

stone me, stone me, stone but i love her still: daisybilly: oneshot

it feels good to be known so well: daisybilly: oneshot

and i will hold on to you: daisybilly: oneshot

You've Haunted Me All My Life: daisybilly: oneshot

Don't Leave Me Here Alone: daisybilly: oneshot

I Never Was the Best to You: daisybilly: oneshot

Like a Full on Rainstorm: daisybilly: oneshot

Just What I Needed: daisybilly: oneshot

Would I Have You in My Dreams Tonite?: daisybilly: oneshot

stone me, stone me, stone but i love her still: daisybilly: oneshot

it feels good to be known so well: daisybilly: oneshot

and i will hold on to you: daisybilly: oneshot

This Godforsaken Mess: complete ship: chenford

When world-renowned actress Lucy Chen and small-town bookstore owner Tim Bradford fall backwards into an affair, they both wish desperately they could let the other go. But they can't. Not when they're falling, no matter how reluctantly, in hopeless, all-encompassing, love.

in the middle of the night (when i'm in this dream): complete ship: chenford

When the dam finally breaks between Lucy and Tim, she thinks it’s the start of something. And she’s right. Just not in the way she first thought. Because Ashley seeks to get back together with Tim by proposing. And then, too late to take back telling him to say yes, Lucy finds out she’s pregnant. The whole situation is doomed from the start, but somehow, they just might beat the odds, and be something neither one of them could’ve seen coming: A family.

glue me in the arms of she who loves me: wip ship: chenford

Lucy and Tim’s relationship falls to pieces on a Wednesday. It burns up until it's ash. As if it was never alive in the first place. Neither one of them believe there is any coming back from this. That their story is a tragic one. But there just might be a chance. One that they’ll have to fight tooth and nail for, but it exists. It will take everything they have, but they might be able to save themselves, save each other and bring their love back to life.

I Just Wanna Be Held in a Particular Way: chenford: oneshot

As a Blonde: chenford: oneshot

Have You in a Secret Life: chenford: oneshot

slipping through my fingers all the time: oneshot ship: devil's minion

The fallout from Daniel publishing his book leads him to ask Armand to do something unforgivable to his family. And yet, he thinks it might be the very best thing he's ever done as a father.

*note: I am no longer writing for this fandom

lay all your love on me: buddie: oneshot

i keep these longings locked: buddie: oneshot

it may not be much (but we do what we can): wip ship: nace

Nancy expects a lot of things when she links her soul to a demon in order to save her friends' lives. What she doesn’t expect is for him to be so…Himself. And for her to fall in love with said demon.

Your Tapestry That I Shred: nace: oneshot

*note: I am no longer writing for this fandom

you're just like a dream: upstead: oneshot

ttyl: upstead: oneshot

Sugar, We're Goin' Down Swinging: wip ship: kanej, helnik, wesper

The Crows were the biggest post-punk band of the late 90s. They toured stadiums and cities around the world. Then, at the height of their fame, they broke apart, the members vowing to never see one another again. It's been five years since then, and Kaz tells himself he doesn't miss the fame or the music. More than that, that he doesn't miss Inej. But when Nina bursts back into his life with the prospect of one final tour, a revival to rescue them all from their debts and demons, Kaz finds himself unable to refuse. It's a disaster waiting to happen, but since when have the six of them walked away from that?

I Believe in Us: kanej: oneshot

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 11: Time Loop Notes (Bellarke)

Today, some more notes from the Time Loop fic. I don't know if these are interesting to anybody but I like having them in the record so to speak. This set is about the Bellamy and Clarke back story and, I cannot stress this enough, includes major major spoilers. Like literally it gives away the whole game. So like maybe don't read if you think you might read the fic but haven't.

9/24/23: I’m still working on this fic ugh and I’m about to start my second Bellamy scene, the one where he and Clarke dump all their long-hinted exposition while also being full of sexual tension etc. Which, when I put it that way, is a little daunting. So I just want to be certain I know everything that goes in there and that I am certain on the backstory. I think I am, but let’s make sure.

So, very generally, they grew up together, she’s his little sister’s best friend. When he’s 17 and she’s 15, they kill his stepfather (with O) and miraculously get away with it because I said so. The next year, they start sleeping together. After high school, there’s a little muddiness in the timeline: he’s working hard to get O into college, and Clarke is also preparing for college. I imagine they separate for a time in here but not completely. They’re still entangled and if they’re entangled, they’re probably still romantically or sexually linked in some way. Maybe not exclusively but they are always drawn to each other. And of course, the Halloween tradition is absolutely unbroken.

…I’m trying to do the Bellarke timeline without totally breaking down the last 20 years because I’m afraid if I do that I’ll see stuff that’s impossibly tightly packed together lol. Although I could always fix that by turning Clarke’s ‘twenty’ to ‘twenty-five’ or something like that. Let’s say it’s been 23 Halloweens, plus 5, that’s 28, plus another 2, that’s 30, and this is the next year, so Clarke, Octavia, Jasper, and Monty are 31 and Bellamy is 33. Let’s say Octavia published her first book at 23, which is also around the time she met Raven. That means she’s been getting increasingly famous for 8 years and that seems pretty reasonable to me. Probably the least realistic thing is Bellamy somehow starting college late and still getting a PhD but it’s not impossible; it’s fine.

Clarke got a 4 year degree and then tried med school but dropped out, which fits pretty well with her giving that up around the time O got published and started to gain in fame. I want it to be implied that she takes care of her own. Bellamy can afford grad school. Jasper and Monty get the nice drugs. Raven gets the expensive cars. Whatever. Do any of them work? I neither know nor care. I actually do think Clarke probably does but she doesn’t work for money because Octavia has her covered. This is perhaps some of the tension.

The status quo situation, then, at some point as Octavia gets famous is that Clarke is working some job or whatever but she’s still reliant on Octavia for money. She was the most ambitious of the three of them growing up (because she came from a comparatively stable home, which, if I can get a line in about that, would be good) but she didn’t really come to anything, in a way. She isn’t rich and she isn’t famous and she isn’t doing anything lofty like being a cardiac surgeon or whatever. I mean, her life is perfectly fine but the discrepancies between what she planned and what she is and what O planned and what O is could be a source of tension, at least in Octavia’s mind.

Bellamy and Clarke never truly split but certainly by the time they’re 23/25, they’re back together and official. Clarke has known from the beginning about the ghostwriting arrangement. At first, she gives no objections, in part because it seems like a smart little scheme. Maybe she’s quit or is about to quit med school, she’s struggling, and she feels desperate. She also thinks, or tells herself she thinks, that it’s temporary. Like, maybe Octavia wrote the first draft of her first book and then Bellamy ‘polished’ it and then basically re-wrote it, and from there they just transitioned to him writing the whole thing. But it was easy to lie at first that it wouldn’t always be like this.

Years pass, and Clarke becomes more bitter about it. She wants Bellamy to get the credit he deserves. And she gets very wary when the Blakes plan to put out a book that is more ‘personal.’ It’s supposed to make Octavia even more famous, it was on the advice of her publisher and everything, and Clarke knows it will: she’ll be a celebrity in and of herself, relatable and real, it will be the perfect springboard to TV. But it’s also dangerous. Don’t invite people into a past we don’t want them to know. And she hates, too, that it will give Octavia the spotlight when she’s only doing half the work—one might even argue less than half, if one were in love with Bellamy and a little tired of O’s big head.

So, she’s tired of the arrogance, she’s tired of feeling reliant on O, of actually being reliant on her, she’s a little jealous that she’s not the leader of the group, she’s upset with her own life, she’s defensive of Bellamy, she doesn’t like the threat of exposure of their past crimes, she doesn’t think they should be greedy in their scheme, she thinks Bellamy should strike out and be a famous writer on his own merits (which he doesn’t want to do because, he says, someone might compare the styles and realize he is also “Octavia Blake, author”)—all of this is happening at once, all of this is in the stew.

AND Bellamy and Clarke are engaged. I don’t really know what else to say about that, but it is true. The relationship is serious. They are mad in love. Then the fight happens. It’s mostly a case of simmering tensions overflowing, and it happens in the summer a little over two years previous to the story. I don’t know what specifically catalyzes it. I think it’s one of those ‘this could happen at any time but it happens to happen now’ type of arguments. I’m using the L.A. house a lot but also mentioned the French one. So, they’re there—Clarke, Bellamy, and Octavia, and hmm, let’s say Lincoln for funsies—maybe doing some wedding planning or something, just chilling. Then the conversation turns, and Clarke goes off, and Octavia gets mad and when the dust all settles, Bellamy sides with O.

Thinking of it this way, it’s pretty clear why this was such a brutal turning point for Bellarke in particular. How could he side with her, right? Like, most of the fic has talked about the O and Clarke break but there have been hints that Bell and Clarke was even worse and, like, of course it was! They were engaged! They’d known each other forever and they’d chosen to be together. From his POV, nothing trumps his relationship with his sister, but from Clarke’s? You’d pick that toxic unsavable wretch over me? It puts a new spin on Bell finally yelling at her at the séance—why he did it, what it means for him to do it, and how it might read to Clarke. Maybe Clarke might even think that there’s hope for them, even though that wasn’t part of her original plan.

So, they break off the engagement, she gives back the ring, and Clarke totally leaves the group. Octavia doesn’t forgive and forget and the Bellarke fight was pretty brutal and no one else is going to side with Clarke over the Blakes—they’re all closer to O, anyway.

Clarke goes wild for a little bit, just real gutter stuff, maybe loses her head a little, and then when she pulls herself out, maybe the next spring, she really does try to find herself through spiritual retreats and meditation and yoga. She doesn’t love it but it helps a bit. She learns the stuff she uses for her ‘hippie disguise’ in the story (which I’m still not so keen on, as far as how I did it, but, that’s okay, I tried) but she doesn’t really lean into it or make it real personality. She does go to an art retreat, maybe that summer, a little more than a year before the fic, and she meets up with Lincoln there and they REALLY hit it off.  Maybe they’re even lovers, lol, because that would be fun. He keeps her up to date on everything happening with Octavia (and Bellamy) and when the news of the new book, the Octavia-penned confession, comes up, both Lincoln and Clarke agree it’s a bad idea. So they hatch this plan to stop it, to stop her, at Halloween.

Okay, does that all make sense? Yeah, sure. Now I just need to go back up to my scene summary and decide how much of that to put in and how.

[smiletimeisrunningout]

ooc: I want to make a little lowkey low activity blog for canon divergent characters and test characters I've written before; the problem is that honestly I'd want to make them to explore a few dynamics I haven't explored enough before, but most of them are ships, so Idk how to make a blog that says 'my X character is only open to your Y and Z characters, also to some characters written by a few rpers I know' without: A. making people feel like if they write Y and Z they are forced to ship with me to interact (which I would never!) B. making people think I hate all other characters and ocs and au ones and that I only focus on shipping (which by the way is my favorite dynamic, so what? In rp I love shipping the most, same way others prefer angst) C. inevitably finding rpers who will still try to interact with my characters using some who aren't Y and Z and I'll have to tell them no D. making people who rp with me on Emma feel forced to interact there too E. have people run to that blog instead, and never interact with Emma which is still my primary and most fun muse to use

Like, look at Clarke from the 100: at this point I think I'm only interested in writing canon divergent plots with Bellamy and Murphy because those are the ones she clashed with the most and never got resolved, plus shipping whenever doable, and I could also see her fixing things with Raven in threads which would not exactly start super happy... and possibly having happier threads with Abby and with... step-dad Marcus, apparently, because I LOVE DOMESTIC THINGS in fandoms where there is nothing but pain, but that's pretty much it. But I don't want all rpers who write with me here to feel forced to write with her too, I don't want others who write Bellamy to feel they can't interact because they don't romantically ship them, or to feel bad because they play, say, Diyoza (whom I love so much, I just... don't feel enough Clarke to be interested in writing an entire new dynamic) or an oc.

[slytherinbarnes]

2x08

no live thoughts bc i was locked in so let me drop my after thoughts

finn will do anything to protect the women he loves. it would have been interesting to see how he handled future moments like praimfaya and josephine!clarke

'we are what we are' is one of my favorite lexa quotes

also 'he did it for me' 'then he dies for you' being such an impactful exchange once you've seen the show and know about lexa and costia and how costia essentially died for lexa too. she delivers the line to clarke so coldly but we know based off s3 that she's still pissed about it. like they really are so alike

clarke confessing her love to finn and then mercy killing him is diabolical but also so perfect. like it had to happen this way but also ow!!!

raven's scream will always be one of the most gut wrenching from the entire season, alongside bell's scream in s4 after echo says she killed octavia. she really put everything into that scene and i was genuinely choking up

okay i think that's all i have other than general annoyance with all the adults lmao

oh and you can tell finn is remorseful!! thinking back on how much vitriol he gets when he isnt even close to being the worst character is so crazy to think about. most everyone else has forgiven him, but they literally say they wonder if he will ever forgive himself. he's worried this is who he is now, and i wonder if some part of giving himself up was because he was afraid of who he would become if he stayed in this for longer. bc he literally refuses to shoot that grounder that knocks out clarke, and when he sees raven willing to shoot murphy and give him up in his place, he literlly taps out and gives himself up. anyways, i think i am tired of seeing people hate on him and act like he wasnt even sorry, even though he's going on a similar arc to lincoln. 'we all have a monster inside of us clarke, and we're all respinsible for what happens when we let it out'

like we can see that lincoln is already struggling with what he did as a reaper, esp against his own people, and i guess i just dont get how people dont see that finn is on the same path?? plus, he takes reposnbility in the end anyways. like he turns himself in so shouldnt that count for somehting

anyways

feel free to tell me im wrong lmoa. im just v curious bc writing sub rosa really forced me to think of WHY these charcters made these decisions. like i had to give narrative background for s3 and s7 bellamy and for s5 clarke and octavia, etc etc etc. and i think bc i spent so much time trying to put myself in their heads to understand why people did what they did, i tend to empathisize more. which is why the adults can annoy me but kane is still one of my top 5 charcters in the end (i will always be pissed at jaha though bc he just does stuff for his ego and fucks things up for everyone. he says it's for his people but he is more concerned with being a savior for his people (see city of light, bunker in s4) than actually saving them)

currently rewatching the 100 while i do my lil crafts and i want a place to drop live thoughts

1x13

obvi decided to do this after almost finishing s1 but i just watched the ark separate from go sci and i am tearing up a lil bit i wont lie. like ugh s1 jaha was so fucking good and then he quite literally becomes the worst lmao

also this will be so controversial but as i was rewatching s1, i do not.....hate finn...... stop throwing rocks at me!!!!! he was a dumb teenager who thought he would never see raven again and yeah he handled it badly and yeah he definitely fucks up big time next season, but i was a big idiot at 17 so i cant say i blame him tbh. like, he's v likeable and i love how much he fights for peace and the way he is so affected by his first kill in the reaper tunnels with clarke

oh kinda on that note, my fave clarke kill is her first non mercy kill. obvi atom is the first official, but i think we really overlook that first grounder she ever killed with the scalpel when her and finn were kidnapped to save anya's second. like eliza is so good with her microexpressions and while she isnt as affected as finn, u can see so much pass over her face in such a short time

okay also s1 kane is so fucking annoying but i love his arc so i am accepting it

and lincoln!!!!! the man that you are!!!!!!! we deserved more time with you

[bellarke-angel]

It Had To Be Love.

Came up with this one whilst I was crying in the corner thinking of the how alone Clarke must feel, even though she has Madi. I mean, everyone she’s ever known is gone, maybe not dead, but gone.

Clarke had fallen asleep every night wondering if maybe tomorrow would be the day she saw a gleam in the sky, indicating to her that her friends were okay, that they were finally coming home. That he was finally coming home. Most nights Clarke fell asleep beside Madi in the rover, the chill that comes at night was always refreshing, it hardly rained now. Just blazing sun as if to taunt her, burning down on her as she did her best to teach Madi everything she knows. Although the child always got hot and bothered, she hated lessons, but Clarke knew they were essential for the girl, without them she’d most likely die.

Clarke had been sat on the hood of the rover for a while now, eyes on the stars, it was something she hadn’t done in a while--not because she gave up hope--but because the stars were barely visible now. Memories of Bellamy mocking one of of the constellations she’d pointed out to him, flashed through her might, bringing a smile to her lips. Back then she never appreciated his snarky comments, she just thought he didn’t care enough. But now she looked back on it, she wasn’t sure if he’d actually even been looking to where she had been pointing to the big dipper, when she had turned to see his reaction she could remember he’d been watching her instead. Clarke was never really sure how she missed all these little moments between her and Bellamy. Maybe the saying was true, you don’t realise how much you love someone until there gone.

Clarke’s eyes lowered from the sky to the book that was settled in her lap, she’d been going through the supplies remaining in Becca’s mansion and she practically jumped for joy when she came upon the art supplies. Clarke had done her best to teach Madi how to draw, figuring the girl would like this lesson more than the others but it was hopeless, Madi just got bored and she couldn’t concentrate. In the end Clarke had just kept the art supplies for her spare time and ever since she’d been sketching in them.

She’d drawn everyone she could remember, filling the book with the people she’d come across in her life, drawing them so that she didn’t forget what they looked like. Bellamy’s memory was so fresh in her mind that every sketch she’d done of him always almost looked like the spitting image of him, except his eyes. There was something in his eyes in every memory she had of him, a little detail that she couldn’t draw, a softness that she just couldn’t get right and every time she’d let out a frustrated growl, cursing him, crying for him, why hadn’t he came back? After all this time, did he want to stay in space? Did he never survive in the first place?

Question after question flowed through her mind, searching to be answered but the only person who could answer them was a million miles away. Clarke knew none of her friends knew if she was alive either, they were in the same boat as her. Clarke startled at the sound of soft footsteps, head turning to her side awaiting Madi’s appearance. Clarke had left her to sleep a couple of hours ago, letting her take a rest from training, which the young girl was overjoyed about. But when the eleven year old came around to the front of the rover, Clarke immediately noticed the tear stains on her face and she pushed her book aside, attention on Madi.

“Hey, it’s okay, what’s wrong?” Clarke spoke softly, keeping her voice soothing so that Madi knew everything was okay, panicking would only scare the child further, Madi tried to climb onto the rovers hood herself but Clarke caught her just as she slipped and hauled her up and into her side, holding the child. It was something her mother did to her when she was young, she used to have silly nightmares, ones where the monsters from her stories would come alive and gobble her up. But Clarke knew real nightmares now and sometimes she wished she could go back to being a little girl and pad into her mother and fathers room and curl up safely in their arms. 

“A-all I see is my mum, every time I close my eyes I see the radiation boil her body, blisters appearing on her face as she screams until it finally stops, I hate it Clarke.” Madi whispered, her voice hoarse from crying and sleep. Clarke held Madi closer, kissing the top of her head.

“I get them too, lots of them...but...but just remember the good things, try to remember her holding you, singing you lullabies, reading you a story before bed. Remember the silly jokes she’d tell to make you smile. If you remember that, the nightmares will soon fade.” Clarke says her own mind remembering her mother, she missed her, she missed how her mother was always worried for her, scared that she’d throw herself into danger like always.

“Clarke, will I ever meet your mum?”

Clarke glanced down at the girl who relaxed in her arms, resting her head on her lap now, using it as a pillow. “I’ll make sure she meets you, once my friends return, we’ll have the strength we need to move the rest of the rubble that’s sealing the door and soon...soon we’ll all be together again.” Madi glanced up at Clarke from her lap.

“What if they don’t like me?” This was the first time Clarke had heard the child feel worried about meeting her friends and family, Clarke was used to her getting excited and wanting to talk to them as soon as she met them and tell them all about their time on the ground. But hearing her ask the question made a warm smile tug on Clarke’s lips.

“Believe me, they’ll adore you. Especially Bellamy, he loves children. Every mission he’s been on he ended up bringing back a child for some reason or another.” Clarke smiled, Madi giggled at that, she’d heard more stories of Bellamy than she had of any other, he was the person she was most excited to meet. Clarke had spoken of almost everyone she’d ever met, yet when she spoke of Bellamy there was something else there, her entire person would glow, her smile was just a little brighter than usual and it made Madi even more curious when she’d asked Clarke if Bellamy had been her boyfriend and she’d said no. Clarke had the same giddy look when she spoke to Bellamy as Madi’s mum had spoke to her father. It had to be love.

[bingbongsupremacy]

Drunken Mistakes Pt. 1

Pairing: John Murphy x Reader

Warnings: Use of Y/N, Pregnancy, Reader can get pregnant, swearing, throwing up.

Summary: It was a one night stand. That's all it was. Little did you know that it'd lead to something else.

*Not Proof Read*

This Fic does not mention body type, weight, race, gender, etc. If I happened to mess up and add a pronoun or anything that could define the readers appearance, please let me know so I can fix it. Ty!

*****

" How long has this been going on? " Clarke asks while casting me a sympathetic look.

I brush my hand over my mouth, trying to wipe off any remaining vomit off of my lips. The bitter taste of stomach acid lingers in my mouth, something that almost causes another round of vomiting.

" I'm not sure. A few weeks? " I try to create some distance between me and the nauseating smell a few inches away from me. I lean back against a rough fallen tree, taking a few deep breathes.

" Have you been feeling extremely tired lately? "

I nod. " I think it's just a cold, C. I'll be fine in a bit. "

I hope it's just a cold. Clarke saw me running out of the drop ship to puke and decided to follow me. Ever since then she's been asking question after question.

I just want to go lie down.

" When was the last time you had your period? " Clarke's question catches me by surprise.

My eyes widen. " Whoa. Look, I appreciate your concern but I don't remember scheduling a consultation, doc. "

I hadn't really thought of that. These questions...she can't be serious, right?

Clarke takes a seat on the tree next to me, her body turned to face me. " Y/N, I think you might be pregnant. "

What?

" No, no. " I shake my head. " No fucking way. "

Clarke sends me a small smile. " I think so. All the symptoms...I've seen this before. I'm guessing your chest has been hurting and you've might of had some cramping? "

I think back to the past few days. She's not wrong. My body's been very weird the past few weeks, especially in the morning when I seem to have my daily puke fests.

" You're pregnant, Y/N. " Clarke softly states again.

" I can't be. " I shake my head. My chest begins to develop a tightening feeling. I pull my knees towards my chest so I can hug myself. " I can't be fucking pregnant. Fuck no. " I bury my head into my knees.

" Look, I can't be one hundred percent sure on this. At least not yet. If you start to show, then we'll know for sure. " Clarke gently pats my shoulder to try to deliver some sort of comfort. " For now, just try to relax, okay? We'll figure this all out when we know for sure. "

This is the last thing I wanted. I knew I shouldn't have gotten drunk.

But everyone did. I mean, we were all so excited to be on earth for the first time. What else is there to do in a place like this but party and hang out with the people around us?

Should I tell John?

We don't know for sure. Not yet. Besides, who knows how he'll react. He's on some weird power trip. Who knows what he's capable of doing.

What if he doesn't want the baby? What if decides to convince Bellamy to banish me or has his friends kill me or something?

Plus we don't know anything about this planet. At least not about how it is now. Is it even safe to bring a kid into a world like this? We don't know what's fully out there. What if there's more than just mutated animals.

Relax. You don't know what's going on yet. It could just be a cold.

Hopefully it's just a cold.

*****

" You were right. " I blurt after bursting into the drop ship.

Clarke looks up from her heated conversation with Bellamy, her brows furrowed in confusion. " What? "

" You were right, Clarke. " I state again, my words beginning to wobble. " You were fucking right. "

Clarke's eyes widen as she realizes what I'm saying. She immediately abandons her conversation with the man in front of her, instead rushing to me.

" What's she talking about? " Bellamy calls after Clarke.

Clarke ignores him and grabs my arm, gently leading me out of the now suffocating drop ship. Clarke leads me into the forest, just far enough for our conversation to be private.

How tears of frustration begin to flow down my cheeks. " I can't believe this, I'm pregnant. I'm fucking pregnant. "

Over the past few days I started to notice a small protrusion in my stomach. Originally I'd thought it was just bloating. It's not bloating. I'm showing.

" What the fuck am I going to do, Clarke? I can't raise a baby. Not here! Not without my mom. I'm all alone and I don't fucking know what to do. " I cry.

Clarke gently takes a hold of my shoulders. " Hey, hey listen. You're going to be okay. You're not alone, I swear. We're here to help you. I'm here to help you. And, you have the baby's dad, don't you? "

The mention of Murphy causes me to let out a small sob. Do I? What if he accuses me of sleeping with someone else, claiming it's not his kid? What if he wants nothing to do with it? After all, it's not like we're dating or even friends for that matter. It was a one time thing. I can hardly stand him as it is.

" I don't know. " I shake my head.

" What do you mean you don't know? You don't know who the dad is? " Clarke asks in confusion.

" No! I-I know who the dad is. I just don't know if he'd want to help. " I pull away from Clarke and sit down on the ground, pulling my knees in to tuck into myself.

Clarke sits down next to me. " Who is it? "

" Murphy. " I mumble softly.

" Who? " Clarke asks again, apparently not hearing me the first time.

" It's Murphy. " I say louder this time.

Clarke is silent. She doesn't know what to say. She's not his biggest fan and I think part of her is thinking the same way. He might not want anything to do with the baby at all.

" I don't think I can do this. It's danger out there, Clarke. There's people we don't even know. What if I get the baby killed? What if we're attacked and I can't defend it? " I air out my worries. " Or what if I'm such a bad parent that they end up hating me? "

" Don't think like that. You don't know what's going to happen which is terrifying but also beautiful. Your baby will love you no matter what happens. And even if you don't have Murphy, you'll still have me and the others. We're a community. We're not going to let you deal with this alone. " Clarke reassures me.

" I don't know, Clarke. " I sigh.

" Listen-" Clarke begins before she's interrupted by one of Bellamy's lackies.

" Clarke, Bellamy needs to speak to you in the drop ship. "

Clarke lets out a small huff in frustration. " What is it now? " She mutters while standing up. She turns to me once more before leaving. " We'll finish this later. Just try to go relax. Maybe take a nap or something. Stress isn't good for the baby. "

This world isn't good for the baby.

Clarke follows the boy back towards the drop ship, disappearing after a few minutes.

I'm going to need bigger clothes in a few months. Where am I going to get them? What about baby clothes? Or toys? Or books? Medication?

Stop.

I force myself to try to calm down. It's going to be okay. It has to be.

I head back in the direction of my make shift sleeping area. Maybe some sleep will help.

Before I'm able to make it very far Mbeige stops me. " Where do you think you're going? " He asks, his voice stern.

" None of your business. " I spit, trying to walk past the boy.

He doesn't let me pass. " It is my business. We need this wall up by nightfall. Get to fucking work. " His voice is venomous, his eyes glaring into mine.

He's not playing.

" I need to go to my tent. " I try to push, not daring to back down from his stare. I fucking hate this guy. He and a few others including John, make it their daily goal to make the lives of everyone shitty.

" You don't need to go anywhere but the wood pile to start putting up the wall. " Mbeige persists.

I glare at the man for a moment, scanning his eyes for any signs of a possibility for him to let me through. Nothing.

" Fine. " I spit, turning on my heals. I walk towards the nearest wood pile and begin to pick up pieces of heavy, thick wood. I manage to drag a few pieces towards the wall and set them up before I feel sweat start to build up from the heat. I need water.

I struggle to pick up one particularly heavy log when one of Mbeige's friends shouts at me.

" Pick up the fucking pace. We don't have all day here. " He snaps.

Annoyance and anger burn up my face. Maybe they should get off of their lazy asses.

" Y/N! " Clarke's voice shouts from out of no where. " Put that down! " She demands while running over to us.

" Stay out of this, Clarke. Y/N's a big kid. They can handle a little weight. " Murphy smirks. He was alerted to the situation from Clarke's yelling.

I try to ignore the snickers from Murphy's friends as I continue to drag the log over to where it needs to be used.

" I'm serious! Y/N can't be carrying shit like that! " Clarke doesn't back down.

Murphy's eyes flicker over to me as he observes my struggle. Humor is evident in his tone. " And why would that be? What makes Y/N so different than the rest of us that they get special privileges' while we have to work? Hm? "

Clarke's expression is furious. She storms towards Murphy before whispering into his ear.

Murphy's friends immediately flock to his side, ready to force her away.

Murphy's eyes widen as they meet mine. His cocky smirk slides off his lips and his face falls into one of surprise. The malice in his eyes fades away and is quickly replaced with shock.

He knows. Clarke told him.

What the fuck.

" Take the wood from Y/N. " Murphy's words surprise me. His demeanor is very different now, his shoulders unusually tense. His gaze doesn't leave mine as he orders his friends around. " Now! For fucks sake, Mbeige, take the fucking wood! " He shouts.

Mbeige doesn't need to be told again. He swiftly takes the wooden log out of my hands and begins to pull it towards the wall.

Murphy's friends cast confused looks at each other.

" You need some water. " Clarke breaks the silence. She walks over to one of the pouches of water and picks it up.

" You're not seriously going to let them drink water when they just barely started fucking working. " One of Murphy's friends complains.

Murphy still hasn't taken his gaze away. " Mind your own fucking business. " He snaps aggressively.

Clarke brings the water over to me and I hesitate to drink it. Everyone around us has paused their jobs, instead choosing to watch us.

" I'm okay. " I shake my head and refuse the drink I so desperately want.

" Drink it. " Murphy orders again.

I meet his gaze again.

His eyes slightly soften. " Please. "

Feeling very uncomfortable, I accept the pouch from Clarke and take a sip. The cool liquid immediately soothes my thirsty throat.

" Back to work everyone! " Murphy orders to the people who are watching us. " This wall better be up by tonight or no dinner! " He threatens.

Once I've had my fill of water, I turn my attention back to Murphy. He walks towards me before stopping a few feet away from me.

" I think we need to talk. "

Oh shit.

[bellarke-prompts]

new au idea. do with this what you will.

[stan-fixations]

1. Team Edward vs Team Jacob

2. Team Stefan vs Team Damon

3. Team Francis vs Team Bash

4. Team Michael vs Team Rafael

5. Team Bellamy vs Team Lexa

6. Team Clarke vs Team Echo

Let's talk about it.

1. I'm team Jacob. I love a vampire as much as the next 16 year old girl but Edward I can live without. His relationship with Bella just doesn't hit for me. He lacks some flavor, some personality, something to make him interesting.

2. I'm team Damon. I actually really love Stefan. Stefan is everything Edward failed to be but he's just not better than Damon imo. Yes I'm guilty of falling for guys with douchebag personalities but in my defense they're always lovable in the end it just takes some time. Plus I find Damon to be hotter.

3. I'm team Mary [insert evil laugh]. No really I can't decide like Francis is literally a dream. The boy is so romantic and if I was a princess or queen or royal of any type I'd want Francis cause omg he's something straight out of a fairytale. But bash. Sebastian the bastard son. He is so sexy especially when he's swinging his sword around. But bash has a sensitive side too and he's got no problem putting himself in the back if it means taking care of others and I love that about him. Both boys have their pros and cons (kind of like Stefan and Damon) but this one is just too close for me to decide so honestly I can't blame Mary for wanting them both cause I do too.

4. I'm team undecided. In the beginning I was team Michael like I hated Raf with every ounce of my cosmic being. But then I loved him. Michael kept making me upset and betraying me with his actions. Then I loved Michael again cause he's too adorable to not love. Then there was Petra. Then I loved them both and so like Jane I decided to not choose between either of them. Then Michael betrayed me again and broke my heart. Then there was Petra. Then Rafael started giving dilf vibes. Then there was Petra. And then there was Adam. Basically they take turns doing things that make me not like them and then I go back to loving them and then I can't decide and honestly it makes sense that Jane does the crazy shit she does. Between a dream boy dork and sexy ceo dilf how could she possibly make good decisions??? Idk where I stand on this one and there's a good chance I never will.

5. I'm team depends on the context. I think bell and clarke are def soulmates but in a toxic platonic way. Like there's never been a better pair of toxic best friends. They hurt each other a lot and I think it's just too much for them to be lovers cause lovers don't betray each other and shoot each other and hate each other and put everyone else first but then turn around and say they care about each other. That's not stuff lovers do. But toxic best friends they def do those things. Lexa and clarke are soulmates in a romantic way its literally self explanatory. You can't watch their love story and say they shouldn't be together.

6. I'm team ^. Clarke is his toxic platonic soulmate. Echo is his romantic soulmate. Ppl say there's not enough personal connection between them but we met echo in s2 and she made it to the final lineup and with the amount of shit that happens in that show they had opportunities to get closer so there's def enough personal history. And let's not forget about the 6 years they spent together on the ring. Also echo is an awesome character even if her name isn't really echo ;)

[kilibaggins]

Knight In Shining Armor

Request: Can you do murphy/reader set after the hanging? You can decide if he gets banished or not but hurt/comfort please? Maybe they run away together or reader yells at Bellamy or something? (I know you said to wait but we all know I have no self control at this point, oops. Love ya, good luck!) ~ @ultimatereyesstan

A/N: AH! Thank you for this request! I had so much fun with it! I love comfort fics!

Setting: post-hanging.

Warnings: Hanging, Blood, Wounds, uh... Please tell me if anything else?

Word Count: 1,910

~~~

Murphy was scared. You know this, while everyone thinks he's angry and violent and that's all there is to him, you know that's wrong. You know that the anger, the hate, the everything is a facade. A mask he slips on every morning because he feels that if he shows the real him, he'll get hurt.

You know it's fake, you've seen him in his soft moments. You saw him take care of his mother at late hours of the night when she couldn't take care of herself. You saw him sobbing after his mothers death, no matter how much before then he said he wouldn't care if she died. You've seen him in the late hours of the night when he would cry about how horrible the Ark was, and how bad he felt for the people who suffered at the hands of the chancellor and his goons.

So, you know that when he gets up after being hung, this is yet another facade. A disguise to hide his pain and hide his fear. You walk up to him as he yells at Bellamy, his body tight with anger. You put your hand on his arm and softly pull at it, gaining his attention.

"Don't do this. Don't do something you'll regret." You say, and Murphy looks at you for a minute, seeming to think listen. "How does this end Murphy? What? You think you can go and get revenge and it'll turn out alright? How did you getting revenge last time turn out? With you in a locked cell. And now what happens when there's no cells." You continue and you see him thinking.

"Y/N I-" Murphy says and you can see his anger fading already.

"No. You need to stop. You think this is going to do anything other than hurt you more? I know you've got to be in pain, probably a nasty headache." You say, and you see hsi breathing become more shallow. He nods softly and you sigh. "Bellamy, go take Charlotte somewhere, she killed someone, she can;t just get away with it."

"What makes you think you can tell me what to do?" He demands, and you step up to him.

"Because I actually have a brain. Unlike you who just hung an innocent boy because you didn't think." You say, and step back again, grabbing Murphy's hand, and throwing his arm around your shoulders, helping him to the dropship. You help him to the hammock, and by now his energy is gone, all of the adrenaline that was coursing through him has dropped. He looks up at you with pain on his face and you frown.

“No, there’s no room here.” He mumbles, his words barely making it out. You look at him puzzled, and when he moves to get up and you softly push him back down.

“John, what’s going on? No room for what?” You ask. He frowns harder, and you suppress a smile and how adorable he looks. He always tries to look intimidating, but to you he has always been adorable. Someone who could never hurt you.

“You.” He whimpers, closing his eyes, probably from his headache. You smile softly and move his hair from his face.

“Okay, then do you want me to move you to the floor? On the blankets?” You ask and he nods softly, making sure not to hurt his head more. His head must be pounding, you used to help Abby in the med-bay before getting in trouble, there you learned a lot of stuff about medical things, especially injuries. Hanging, which cuts off the blood flow, usually causes intense headaches if the person doesn’t die from it. You know it most hurt right now, that plus the pain on other parts of his body, would be overwhelming. You softly grab his arm again, and help him to sit up.

“Ow.” He whimpers and you wince. “Hurts.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” You say, helping him off of the hammock. You help him over to a pile of blankets on the ground. “Alright, I’m going to help you down now, okay?” You ask, not really expecting an answer. You softly help him down and once he’s laying down, you see his muscles relax. You kneel down next to him, and gingerly cup his face. He opens his eyes and looks at you.

“It’s darker down here.” He says, and you nod. “It’s better. Doesn’t hurt.” He says. You smile and softly move his hair out of his face.

“I’m glad.” You say, your fingers running through his hair. “I’m going to get the bucket of water and cloth from over there, and bring it over to wash you up, okay?” You ask and he nods this time. You walk away to grab the bucket and he tries to watch you but he can’t move much. You grab the bucket and walk back.

“First, your amazing face.” You state, bringing the wet cloth up and washing his face. He smiles softly, before letting his eyes close and letting you do what you need to do. He trusts you with his life, and he will continue to trust you for a long time. He shakily brings his hand forward to rest it on your knee so he can feel you here with him. “You know, as much as revenge sounds fun, I’m happy I could stop you.” You say, now cleaning a wound. He mumbles something and you pull back enough to listen.

“Y- you didn’t do shit.” He pauses to chuckle. “I did that on my own.”

“Oh really? So you're telling me you gave up on your own?” You ask looking down a thim with a smile.

Murphy nods and smiles, “Yup.” He says, and then when he doesn’t talk anymore you bring the cloth down to his lips and wipe them clean of the mud staining them. You then softly move on to his neck. When you first put the cloth to him he flinches back, and you pull away, not wanting to scare him.

“Murphy, I’m not going to hurt you. But it looks like you’re bleeding, and you’ve got mud near it too, I need to wash it so you don’t get infected. That would be a horrible spot to get an infection.” You say softly, and he looks up at you. He opens his mouth to say something before he shakes his head and licks his lips. “What is it?” You ask.

He sighs softly, his breath shuddering. “Just… Be careful with me, okay? Please.” He asks, and you smile.

“Of course.” You say, and you let him relax again before softly washing his neck. Murphy has a hard time asking for things, especially for people to be nice or soft with him. The first time he did it it was when you were younger and he had accidentally cut his hand with a knife he had been laying with. He had come to the med-bay, but instead of waiting his turn or being taken care of by anyone else, he had come straight to you. “I’ll always be careful with you, Murph.” You say, and you remember saying it that day too. In a soft voice as he sat on one of the cots in front of you, looking at you like you held up the moon. You look at his face now, and see the same look.

“Thank you.” He says, and you smile softly. You both remember the conversation that day well, since it had been the first time you really saw him vulnerable. He never had even been this way after a bad day with his mother. He always hid those feelings up. You notice that Murphy’s neck is indeed bleeding, and you patch him up. “Sleepy.” He suddenly says, and you jump, not used to the sound in the quiet room.

“You can sleep, you know. I won’t hurt you.” You promise, and he nods up at you.

“I know you won’t.” He says, putting emphasis on the word ‘you’. You take a deep breath and you nod, understanding. Murphy’s scared of everyone else. You grab your knife, pulling it out and showing him it.

“I won’t let anybody hurt you.” You say, turning the knife in your hand. He smiles and laughs.

“You? Protecting me? Yeah, let’s see how that works out.” He snarks, but he closes his eyes and lets himself relax against the blankets. You softly undo his jacket, but keep his shirt on. You don’t want to do anything anywhere like that until he gets back to his normal self. You know he doesn’t like you seeing him that way. You’ve never really understood why, especially since you two are so close, but you assume it’s some type of self worth issues. You finish washing him up, first his arms, then his legs. He only stirs a few times, like if you’re cleaning a wound and it hurts him. When he does this, you shush him, softly petting his face until his eyes close once again.

“Do you need any help?” a voice asks behind you, and you jump, surprised that it doesn’t wake up Murphy. You put down your cloth and look behind you to see Clarke. You can tell she’s flustered, probably worried about Murphy.

“I don't need your help.” You say, your voice darker than it usually is. You know it might be irrational, but you can’t help but feel protective over Murphy. You see Clarke’s face fall and you sigh.

“I know I caused this, but I want to help. He didn’t deserve this.” She says, and you look down at the ground. “Please, let me help.” She says, walking forward. You sigh softly and look at Murphy’s sleeping face.

“I love him.” You say, grabbing his hand.

“Yeah, I assumed so.” She says, a small smile on her face. You look at her and smile.

“There’s not much to help with anymore, I cleaned him up and made sure his wounds were covered. I think you should.” You say, running your thumb over the back of his hand. “I just don't want him seeing you when he wakes up.” You admit.

“That makes sense.” Clarke responds and you nod. “I’ll be out there dealing with the others.” Clarke walks away, and leaves the dropship, leaving you and Murphy alone. You watch as Murphy wakes up once again.

“Y/N?” He asks, his eyes opening and looking up at you. You smile softly and pet his hair back again.

“Hey, baby. Go back to sleep okay?” You say, and he shakes his head. You look down at him in confusion. “Why not?” You ask.

“Want you- Want you to hold me.” He says softly, and you feel your heart break. He never asks to be held, not unless something is really wrong.

“Okay, baby, I will. Just relax okay?” You say, moving so that you’re behind him. You wrap your arm around him, and you feel him turn around in your arms. He buries his face in your shoulder and you sigh saldy, bringing your hand up to play with his hair. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.” You say, and Murphy nods softly.

“My Knight in Shining Armor.” Murphy jokes, and you smile softly, kissing the top of his head. You’re happy to help him. Hopefully from here on out, everything will be okay.

[bellarkeselection]

13th Clan's Ascend - Sky-ground treaty part 2.

Days later I'm escorted on horseback with Lincoln who climbs off when we reach a large metal gate. A bunch of voices are on the otherside, guns aimed out to us. Lincoln tell me you didn't send me into a trap. "Open the gate!" Bellamy's voices called out with the large gate opening. He lowers his gun coming to escort us inside. He called over his shoulder to some guards. "Close it up!" Lincoln rests a hand on my shoulder as two people approached. "They're the leaders, trust them." A woman with light brown hair with a taller guy that has dark brown hair with a beard. "Welcome to Arkadia princess. My name is Marcus Kane and this is Abby Griffin." The man known as Kane introduces himself pointing to the woman who I shake hands with. "You don't need to address me as princess, Y/n is just fine." People start to gather around muttering that 'grounders shouldn't be here' type thing.

Abby takes my hand leading me inside their space station with the three boys following behind. "I'm sorry honey. Our people have had a lot of bad history with your people. But we hope that this treaty will fix all that." Kane nods his head in agreement with the woman. "I totally agree Abby. Bloodshed is wrong and I'm not like my mother, Bellamy knows..." I trailed off eyeing him out of the corner of my eye. He smiles weakly at me remembering our first meeting two days ago.

Bellamy sat his gun down to sit by the rivers edge watching me with a look of scepticism. "Can you please stop giving me that look?" I question wrapping my arms around myself. "Like I said I only trust one grounder. Plus I'm not happy about this arrangement either." He grumbles arms crossed over his legs.

"I don't want to wipe out your people. Bloodshed is wrong..." Running a hand through my hair I mumbled out watching the wind blow leaves freely. "Although I should thank you, Bellamy."

Bellamy wiped his head up to me quickly. "Thank me for what?" I take a seat beside him staring at his face. "For destroy the Mountain Men. They - uh - killed my parents. That's why Lexa took me in as her daughter." His large hand takes mine in his to whisper. "I'm sorry. I lost my mom too, all because my sister wasn't supposed to be born." I squeeze his hand in mine. "That's horrible.."

Bellamy reached into his guard jacket revealing a light grey ring. "This is my mother's. She raised me to be good, but I'm not sure if I'll love you by the time the wedding comes around." My eyes go from the ring then locked with his brown ones. "This treaty is to prevent war. But I don't think our leaders expected us to have love at first sight....although I do hope one day, we can love."

"You're not like the rest of your people, Y/n." Bellamy turned to fully face me, slipping the ring on my left hand. "I hope we can learn to trust and love one another in the future."

A smile meets my lips as one forms on his face. Bellamy's smile is as unique as he is. "Peace is possible with you, Bellamy Blake."

The twelve clans have assembled in the commander's throne room as sunset arrived over the city. Bellamy's small group of leaders are here to represent their clan. Abby's daughter Clarke or Wanheda is here to face my mother for the truce. I finished twisting some of my hair back into a ponytail, leaving the rest loose. Picking up my crown off my bed I gently place it ontop my head. The crown is different trees twisted together with red and orange colored leaves attached for design. The doors slowly open for all heads to watch me enter wearing a long golden dress with our clan symbols drawn on the train. I kneel before my mother just as I catch Bellamy watching me. The doors open again for a blonde hair girl in a black dress to enter, I'm assuming it's Clarke because she kneels beside me to my mother. Everyone from the clans bow before mom spoke. "Rise."

"Hail warriors of the twelve clans. We welcome Skaikru to our halls in the spirit of friendship and harmony. And we welcome Clarke kom Skaikru, legendary Wanheda mountain slayer. The reason for this summit is to discuss the negotiation with Skaikru, bare witness to the wedding of Bellamy kom Skaikru and my daughter Y/n kom princess of Polis. Along with initiating them into the coalition." My mother spoke proudly even though hearing the counsel of the twelve clans muttering.

Bellamy and I share the same look of concern causing ne to spin his mother's ring on my finger to calm my nerves. "To symbolize this union, the leader of Skaikru must bare our mark." Mother's voice trails off. Abby and Kane look at one another before she replied. "The honor should be yours." Kane slowly stepped forward for a grounder guard to press a hot metal rod to his arm, creating the coalition symbol. "Let it be known today Marcus kom Skaikru has represented his clan to become apart of the coalition!" Mother declared to the room as he bows to her.

"Step forward Bellamy kom Skaikru." She glances around the room until Bellamy slowly comes to stand by my side, replacing where Clarke was momentarily. "Intertwine hands and say your chosen vow."

Bellamy and I turned our heads to see one another and I feel all my nerves disappear instantly holding a deep gaze with him. "I am hers until our final journey to the ground." I repeat his words back to him. "I am his until our final journey to the ground."

"Arise. Let it known that today grounders and sky people formed peace." Bellamy and I rose to our feet turning to face the members of the coalition. "I the commander of the thirteen clans, hereby present Bellamy and Y/n kom Skaikru."

Part 3 will be written if requested.

Also if you have a Wattpad account please go read and give comments on my Bellamy Blake x reader. It's called "Kane and Griffin Blood."

[heartbreakgrill]

Finally; Monty Green (The 100)

a/n: i can’t stick to one fandom. i write for whatever my hyperfixations are based on. this month, it’s the 100.

description: friends to lovers, giving each other things you like idk

You sighed at the warm breeze wafting through the open door to the supply room. The Rovers had left a while ago, out on some mission surveying the land. You were going through the boxes of books Gina was slowly collecting for you from Mount Weather. You were a teacher’s apprentice on the ship before you were imprisoned for stealing medicine. Now that safety and immunity was granted in the form of Arkadia, you were back under the wing of Matthew Gunner. There weren’t many kids left, but they still needed taught.

Jasper, who wasn’t allowed out on missions yet, lazily worked beside you. You had forced him to help you, seeing as he had nothing else to do but drink all day. Music played from the speaker they had found in Mount Weather, at a soft volume after you forced him to turn it down. He needed a lot of forcing these days.

Jasper had had a soft spot in his heart for you since you were introduced to him and Monty when the drop ship first landed three months ago. The three of you got along well and you had been roped into their’s and Clarke’s reckless gang. After recovering from your sustained injuries in Arkadia, you decided against being involved in those antics. You finally safety and you didn’t want to experience near-death experiences willingly.

Jasper, humming and flipping through a picture book, was sat beside your seat at the steel table. You set another book on the shelf and went back to said-seat.

“How long you gonna make me do this today?” Jasper handed you a book.

“You have legs, Jasper,” you hissed and stood to put it on the shelf. You decided to just stand from now on. “And, I’ll make you stay here until you tell me one thing that made you happy yesterday.”

Jasper threw his head back and a guttural groan resounded from his hollow cheeks, “God, stop talking to Monty about my feelings.”

“Your feelings need to be talked about,” you insisted. “Plus, gratitude exercises are good for healing trauma.”

Jasper sassed, “Trauma? Oh, you mean when Monty and Clarke murdered my girlfriend and her people?”

You had never played into his pity party, always biting back with an equal level of sass. “Yeah, that trauma.”

Jasper opened his mouth to respond when the humming sound of a Rover cut him off. You both watched as Monty, Bellamy, Raven, and Miller stepped out of the parked vehicle. Octavia tied her horse up outside before strutting past everyone, probably on her way to find Lincoln.

Raven limped over to you, a wide smile on her face. “Anything interesting?”

The others, except for Miller, slowly followed her. You shook your head, “It’s been mostly textbooks because they started itching at the classrooms.”

You shuffled through the pile you created of books you thought your friends might like. “Oh! Yes, Bellamy, I found a copy of Greek tragedies.”

You handed him the thick novel and his face lit up. He rounded the table to give you a tight hug, “Thank you so much. I just finished the Iliad and was hoping you had something new.”

“Of course,” you grinned up at him. He stalked off to find his girlfriend as Jasper snuck away, thinking he was off duty. Monty sat in Jasper’s empty seat and Raven took yours.

“Raven, here’s a textbook with a bunch of computer coding bullcrap that I genuinely don’t understand. Thought you might like to get into that more,” you used both hands to give her this heavy book.

She, much like Bellamy, lit up. She opened her arms, wide, and you came around to hug her. “I’m gonna go get changed and crack this bad boy open. See you guys at dinner.”

You turned to Monty, who you were closer to now. Both, literally and figuratively. Back in Mount Weather, the two of you had grown a bond that tightened whenever he saved you from getting killed by the bone marrow extractions. You were weak and hurt and he comforted you.

“Anything for me?” He rested his chin in his palm, watching you as your hands reached for the thinning pile.

You nodded and slid into the seat beside him. Your knees touched his as you turned towards him. “This ones about Aerospace engineering. You probably already know a lot about it, but the pictures are pretty.”

You thumbed through it and found a glossy photo of the galaxy. Monty was looking at you, but you didn’t notice, when he said, “It’s beautiful.”

“And then there’s this,” you closed the book and set a smaller one on top. The book was a sage green with leaves all over it. The title read, in big, white letters, “It’s 4:20 Somewhere.”

Monty mumbled the title beneath his breath and gasped. “You’re awful.”

“Hey, I’m not the stoner,” you teased, leaning in to catch his eyes.

Monty smiled, nose scrunching up as he tried to insult an angry expression. He reached for your waist, giving a gentle shove to your side. You slid across your seat slightly before respositioning yourself. You leaned into his hand, which was still hanging in the air, but the inexperienced flirter pulled away.

You frowned at his shyness, but shook off the yearning for more than gentle touches and shushed smiles. A beat of silence paused the conversation, then Monty jumped up with a gentle, “Oh! I just remmebered. I got you something, too.”

You turned in your seat and watched him jog back over to the Rover. He opened the side door and reached in, pulling out his bag. You met him at the Rover and he set his bag onto the hood. You leaned against the side, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed.

“What could you have possibly found out there in the wilderness,” you laughed at your own words.

Monty, who was digging in his bag, chuckled. “Just wait and- see!”

With his final, exclaimed word, he presented a rusted, golden necklace with the letter ‘M’ dangling from the chain. You turned deep red, your hands becoming clammy and heart jumped through your ribs.

“Monty, is-“ you cut yourself off, unable to form a comprehensive sentence. “That’s...”

Monty gently dropped the necklace into your hands. You eyes flickered up to him and then back down to the gift you were fingering. He was watching you intently, waiting for you to say something.

“Where did you get it?” You asked.

He shrugged, “We stopped at a trading post ask for directions and I saw the Grounder wearing it. Traded my rations and a belt for it.”

Your hand automatically slapped his arm, “Monty! You must be starving.”

He grabbed your hand before you could pull it away from his arm. “It was worth it. Here, let me put it on you.”

He turned you around by tugging on your arm. You handed him the necklace, gathered your hair into a make-shift ponytail, and waited. His nimble fingers brushed against your skin as he clasped the jewerly around your throat. The cold metal settled onto your chest and you turned back around.

You looked up at him, “See, there’s an M on this necklace. My name starts with a [idfk what your name starts with, fill in the blank].”

Your brow quirked at him and he turned sheepish. Monty glanced at his shoes, hands wringing against one another. “What ever could that mean?”

You smiled and touched his hand. He let go of himself and let your fingers move between his. Both of you looked up at the same time and your eyes bore into one another. You pressed forward and he stayed where he was. Your chest hit his and his free hand finally landed on your waist. You carefully grabbed the back of his neck, intertwining your hand into his hair.

“Please kiss me.”

“Yeah, okay, I probably should do that now,” he rambled on. He shut his mouth firmly, then caught your lips.

You heard a cheer resounding through the room and pulled your lips off of him. Monty and yourself looked over to the noise, watching as Jasper bounced up and down, a glass in his left hand. His other was shaking in the air, a wide grin on his face.

And he was looking at you.

“Finally!”

You blushed and shoved your head into Monty’s neck. He hugged you completely, chucking into your hair.

Finally.

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 9: Today's Writing Work and Excerpt

I finally finished the notorious Scene 7 from my Bellarke wip. It didn't feel as satisfying as I thought it would, I think because I just have too many thoughts and feelings and insecurities about this story. I second- and third-guess everything I do. Am I getting across what I want to get across? Is it in character? Is it clear what the non-POV character is thinking/feeling? Is this dialogue realistic? Is the action and dialogue flowing? Does it sound good?

I can't just be cool about it. It's been going on too long. I'm in too deep.

Really bursts the fantasy of, like, getting really into something and having a long timeline be, somehow, a plus? Apparently it's just more fun to crank out stories in 1-2 days and throw them out on AO3 and then not think about them again. Who knew!

Anyway, I will finish it. I might not like the completed project but I will do it. I've gone too far not to. I only have 2 more real scenes left, plus a stylized epilogue, and then I need to go back and add in intros and stuff, which at some point I just stopped writing. Then the editing. It's already at 13k so I'm predicting something closer to 20k when it's all said and done... One thing finishing the scene did is make me want to really power through the rest. (I will not power through anything because I work a 9-5 but...you know.)

Here's a very short excerpt:

Bellamy huffs. "Hashtag Instagram problems."

"What do you even know about it?" she snaps. She picks up her empty soda can to take another drink, finds nothing left and has to set it down again, struggling to find something to do with her hands.

And it's such a ridiculous accusation to throw, because he's seen it all, all the perfectly curated and lovingly filtered images of it, the reflections of that life she left him for, as if replicated through a prism, turned into little square boxes on his phone.

"Come on, Clarke, you just said it, didn't you? That wasn't an adventure. That wasn't... the sort of stuff we used to talk about. That was just hopping around from one place to another, staying long enough to take a picture of it and then moving on. You're not satisfied because it was shallow. And doing it all with that guy!" He gestures widely to the door behind them, where, somewhere inside, Finn is still doing his court jester act to an audience of Clarke's oldest friends. "That guy, who has all of two brain cells and doesn't want to do anything other than drink and party and cheat on you!"

Clarke's eyes narrow. He's sure he's gone too far, said too much. The fucking satisfaction of it, turning rancid in his throat. "You talk a lot of shit," she says finally, steadily, "for someone who wasn't even there."