#plus i have not been following closely with taylor and this release much since a long time so i don't really know what to expect

[sparklingstarr-tv]

what do you not expect from TTPD?

I don't expect (more like i wish) that it will have songs pointing about villanizing Joe (simply cause i love joe) as people are doing these days

Also, I'm quite excited to see how people not only swifties but everyone listening her music will receive this album...i think its quite different..and it might have clashing views so I'm excited about that for ttpd...

[whorergal]

SHE'S MINE (PART TWO)

summary: after you've been attacked, the group becomes cautious and confused, now being targeted as well. but you still can't get over the fact that ghostface had helped you and why you think you know who it may be. and maybe you wouldn't mind keeping a secret.

warnings: scream vi spoilers, language (cussing), blood, gore. it follows the plot loosely.

pairings: ethan landry x fem!reader

authors note: hiiii i really hope u enjoy :-) also i have no idea if mindy shared the apartment with tara, sam and quinn but if she didn’t, we're just going to pretend she does and i also altered ethan's motive a bit too for this (lowkey was inspired by don't blame me by taylor swift so if you like listening to music when reading, i recommend that song for this part)

———————————————————————————

The hospital visit wasn't as long as you anticipated. Two of the stabs you endured hadn't cut deep so they were able to stitch it upon your first visit and they closed up that same night—it still hurt like a bitch. Your previous stab wound was the worst one overall as the stitching process was a lot more painful because your skin was sensitive as it had been punctured once before.

When you were released, Sam took you under her care. She didn't feel safe having you and Anika alone in your apartment since the attack so she offered her, Tara, Mindy and Quinn's home to you two. It didn't really matter for Anika as she was always there in the first place but it bothered you.

You didn't mean to feel unappreciative but you hated being controlled by useless fear. Whether or not Ghostface attacked you in your home, he would find them someway or another; it didn't matter where you were. But, you agreed in order to clear her conscious.

They didn't ask much questions when you were in the hospital. After the second Ghostface left the apartment, you remembered blacking out and waking up in the hospital bed with Anika by your side. The doctor wouldn't let anyone come in since you were preparing for surgery but decided to let Anika stay since she was your roommate.

Her story was that your security system she had built when you two first moved in had went off when the second Ghostface broke in. Her and Mindy didn't tell everyone before leaving because they didn't want to risk not making it in time. The frat house was only a block down so they just ran their way to your building, ultimately finding your unconscious body on the kitchen floor.

Anika told you that they had met Ethan at the entrance of the building when the ambulance was called and said you called him, which was true but you wondered what took him so long. You were highly suspicious of him but you didn't want to be because he was your best-friend, you couldn't imagine him having anything to do with this.

Ever since that night, he was around, a lot. He even skipped his Econ classes to keep you company because Sam didn't want you to be alone and everyone else was busy.

You didn't ask him about what happened. You were afraid of what the outcome would be. But you knew you had to do something in order to understand. At least interrogating the truth out of him (because he couldn't lie to you) would give you peace of mind—well, depending on the answer.

"You don't have to be here, you know." You broke the silence, watching him write notes from the lecture he was missing.

"But I want to be," he told you honestly.

"E, you're missing Econ. You have an exam this week."

"I'll be fine, don't worry." He looked up from his notebook, putting the lecture video on pause to give you his full attention. "I don't want anything to happen to you again."

"Ghostface rarely attacks in the daytime," you joked.

"Still, Y/N/N." He was being serious. "Your stitches haven't even fully healed yet."

"This isn't the first time." You sighed. "Plus, Ghostface never attacks the same person twice."

"Says who?"

"Says Mindy."

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, I don't want to take any chances."

It went back to comfortable silence. You went back to reading your book for your English class while he continued to write his notes. After a couple more minutes, you decided to ask the question that had been eating you alive.

"What took you so long?" you asked randomly.

He furrowed his brows, turning to look at you. "What do you mean?"

"When I was attacked," you clarified. "I called you and you said you and Chad were on the way. Anika and Mindy beat you to it and Chad wasn't even with you when you arrived."

Ethan looked away, his face becoming pale. "Well, I went to go find Chad when you were on the call but I couldn't find him so I decided to leave. I didn't realize how much time I wasted until I saw police lights outside your building."

That was the first and final conversation you two had about it. You gathered what you knew from it but, again, you didn't want to believe he was Ghostface. Unless he wasn't and used the costume to throw the other one off. But where could he buy a replica of it that quickly and still be able to make it in time to save you? It didn't make sense.

You kept this realization to yourself. You felt guilty for it, especially because if he was apart of the plan in harming your friends, this smudge of proof could be enough to hold him accountable before it was taken too far. Of course, you didn't listen to yourself and decided to keep his secret that he wasn't even sure you knew because of how much you liked him.

On the third day of your recovery, your stitching was finally beginning to heal. It hurt to bend down and sometimes walk because it worked the muscles underneath the wound but you couldn't stand doing nothing anymore.

You made the excuse that you were planning to meet Ethan at his dorm for the night because you promised to help him with Econ. Sam wasn't exactly keen on the idea, wondering why he couldn't come to meet you here but you told her you were beginning to feel claustrophobic and wanted to get out. She didn't say much in defense and reluctantly agreed.

They all offered to walk you there just in case something were to happen but you brushed them off. If your assumption about Ethan was correct, he wouldn't let anything happen to you.

The subway was packed because it was nearing Halloween and it took you awhile to finally make it inside one. And the thirty minute ride to campus added onto the time. It was around twelve at night when you arrived at his dorm.

First, you decided to knock. Nobody answered. Then you remembered he had an Econ lecture to attend for the night and took out the extra key he had given you awhile ago and unlocked it yourself.

Honestly, you were glad he wasn't there because it would make your digging a lot more easier.

You searched through everything he owned. Through his drawers (which you highly regretted), under his bed, inside some of his unpacked bags—everywhere but you couldn't find anything that incriminated him.

It had been what felt like hours, but was really only thirty minutes, when you gave up. Your phone was going off but you didn't pay any mind to it because the group had consistently texted you ever since your attack; you just assumed it was them checking up on you and then getting paranoid because you weren't answering. Even if you knew you should've checked, you didn't bother as you were going to head back to the apartment anyway.

You quietly snuck out of the room, making sure the coast was clear until you turned your head to the left and saw Ghostface, waiting there for you. When you tried to scream, they grabbed your face with their hand, restricting your voice from releasing.

They were strong, being able to grab your entire body with their one arm and toss you carelessly back into the room.

You hit the floor, wincing at the impact because of your stitches. Ghostface shut the door behind them, looking down at you. They stalked toward you very slowly as you made sure to keep your distance from them.

Using the dresser that stood behind you, you lifted yourself up with your available arm as the other clutched your stitching instinctively to keep you balanced. It was a silent stare-down until they reached for their mask, untucking it from the behind. Then, they pulled it off.

You stared in shock. "…Ethan?"

"Y/N." He didn't have much expression on his face. He looked out of breath as you could see sweat shimmering on his face from the lighting.

"Oh, my god," You breathed out. Although you suspected him this whole time, finally being able to know it was the truth hurt you more than being stabbed. "You're Ghostface."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Ethan ignored your statement as he furrowed his brows.

"I knew it. I knew you were the one who saved me," you confessed. "That's why I'm here."

"You shouldn't be here," he told you, shaking his head.

"You're trying to kill me and our friends and you're telling me what I shouldn't be doing?!"

"Y/N, there's more to this than you know."

"That much is obvious," you snapped. He tried to step toward you but you backed up. "Stay away from me."

"Please, just listen to me," Ethan began to plead.

"You let them attack me!"

"No, I didn't!" he declared, lowering his voice when he saw it made you flinch. "They promised to leave you out of it. That was the only thing I told them to do."

"They?" you repeated in confusion.

He thought over his response for a second. "Look, what I'm doing—what I've done—is for a good reason. You have to understand."

You furrowed your brows. "What have you done, E?" You couldn't help but use his nickname; you couldn't help but try to hear him out.

"Y/N." He walked toward you slowly and this time, you didn't back away from him. "You're the only thing I care about. If it means I have to kill a thousand people to keep you safe, then I'd do it."

"I don't understand." Your voice was almost a mumble.

"I agreed to do this before I met you but when I did, it all changed. I-I tried to convince them to stop. I wanted to try and be good—for you but she found out and threatened to kill you if I didn't continue with the plan so I did with the exception that they would leave you out of it," he explained softly. "I did this…for you."

You looked at him like he was insane (he kind of was). "You'd kill our friends?"

"If it meant that you'd be safe."

His words didn't completely register but when they did, you couldn't help but feel guilty. You had a crush on him for so long and here he was, basically confessing his love for you in such a fucked up way. You hated yourself for finding him even more attractive after hearing him say those words.

"Ethan…" you whispered his name.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked. "Can I please kiss you?"

You didn't give him an answer as you closed the space between the two of you.

It seemed wrong—no, it was wrong. Kissing him while he still wore the Ghostface robe, one that he wore while taking someone's life.

You knew he wasn't wearing this costume for fun. They only ever wore it for a purpose. Even though your mind was totally blanked because of how dumb his lips made you, when you pulled apart, you began to think about where he had come from and who he had just killed and why you weren't more concerned about the matter.

He chased after your lips, kissing you again with more force this time, even pulling you closer by the waist. You only pulled away because you were receiving a call.

You pulled your phone out from your pocket, the reality setting in when you saw Sam's contact. He looked down with you, not doing much in keeping you from answering. It took you a couple more seconds of contemplating until you decided to click the green button, putting the phone to your ear.

You took a deep breath before answering. "Hello?"

"Y/N, what the hell?!" Sam hollered into the speaker, her voice mixed with relief and annoyance. "Why weren't you answering? Are you okay?!"

"Yeah, I'm fine," you replied rather nonchalantly. "I had my phone off. What's wrong, Sam?"

There was a short beat. "Ghostface attacked us."

You furrowed your brows, glancing at Ethan. "What?"

"Yeah, he killed Quinn and…"

"And?" you repeated instantly. "Who else, Sam?"

"Anika…" Sam's voice was barely above a whisper. "Y/N, I'm so sorry. I-I tried to help her."

You shut your eyes, feeling tears starting to build. There was silence on the line and you were sure it was because Sam didn't want to say anything knowing you would be taking her death as personal as Mindy did.

Suddenly, your stab wounds began to throb which made you let out a grunt. You knew better than to cry over Anika only because it would achieve nothing. Yes, it was messed up that you were now standing in the room with her murderer, watching him undress himself of his black robe that he wore while killing her but you realized nothing you could've said or done—whether you got to him before she died—could've changed her outcome.

You watched him pull out a hunting knife from his back pocket, the silver glistening with dried blood. That blood probably belonged to Anika and Quinn. It made your throat go dry.

"Sam," you blurted quietly.

"What, Y/N?"

You were going to say it; tell her the truth. It was the right thing to do. Ethan, even if you liked him a lot, had just murdered your best friend and one of Sam's. They deserved the justice of their murderer being caught.

But when he walked back over to you, his eyes scanning your expression, you had already picked your choice.

"Y/N, what? Are you okay?" Sam's voice echoed in your mind.

"Yeah, yeah, it's just…" You tried to find the words. "Is everyone else okay? Did you get hurt?"

"We're fine. Mindy got cut but she's fine," Sam answered softly. "Can you come down here? I'd feel a lot better if you were here with us. Plus, I'm sure you can comfort Mindy than the rest of us. She doesn't want to be anywhere near Tara or Chad."

You let out a shaky breath. "Yeah. Ethan and I are on our way."

"Ethan?" she questioned.

"Yeah. Remember I told you I was going to meet him at his dorm? I was with him the whole night," you lied.

"Oh, okay." Sam sighed into the speaker. "That's good to hear, actually. Mindy thinks Ethan was the one behind all of this but if you were with him then it checks him out."

"Don't worry, Sam," you said. "We'll be there shortly."

"Okay, see you soon. Be safe."

You nodded, even though she couldn't see you and then hung up.

"You kept my secret?" Ethan asked.

You shook your head. "I shouldn't have. You killed Anika and Quinn."

He bit his lip, nodding calmly. "I know, I know. It wasn't exactly my first choice. But I had to for saving you the other night."

"Yeah, I know," you mumbled. "But did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" He furrowed his brows.

"What you said about wanting to be good?" You repeated his words. "Because that's the only reason I saved your ass. I should hate you. You killed Anika."

"Y/N/N," he said softly, walking over to grab your hands. "I only did this to protect you. They made me think my original motive was right but it's actually fucked up. I realized that the moment I met you. So, yes, I do mean it. And I'm sorry about Anika. I didn't really want to do it either."

You mulled over his words, looking down at your connected hands until you finally spoke. "Okay. Then, I'll help you," you informed him. "But, in order for me to do that, I need to know everything."

Let's just say it was an interesting conversation.

[mercuryonparklane]

Since Taylor released “You All Over Me” last night and also posted the “Love Story” remix lyric video that includes a group picture with Emily in it, I am reposting this from my other blog (because at the time I posted it my other blog was too new to show up in the tags). I’m not necessarily saying that YAOM is about Emily...

Anyway, here is a post about “Breathe” and how it is the only Grammy nominated song of Taylor’s that she has performed just once:

Prior to Lover Taylor had 9 Grammy nominated songs (that appeared on her own records): “You Belong With Me”. “White Horse”, “Breathe”, “Mean”, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”, “Begin Again”, “Shake It Off”, “Blank Space”, and “Bad Blood”.

According to Taylor herself, despite multiple requests from fans over the years, she has only sung “Breathe” live one time. She performed it for the first and, so far, only time on August 18, 2018 during her reputation Stadium Tour show in Miami.

I decided to compare this to how many times she has sung her other Grammy nominated songs (I chose not to include anything from Lover or folklore because she obviously hasn’t had the opportunity to perform those songs as she normally would):

(Disclaimer: the data related to the number of times Taylor has played each song comes from setlist.fm, so it may not be 100% accurate, but it is close enough to demonstrate the purpose of this post)

“Breathe”

Date of release (as a single): October 23, 2008

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 1

“White Horse”:

Date of release (as a single): December 9, 2008

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 137

“You Belong With Me”

Date of release (as a single): April 26, 2009

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 381

“Mean”

Date of release (as a single): March 13, 2011

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 196

“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”

Date of release (as a single): August 13, 2012

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 272 (that # includes 1 time she performed the song as a mashup with “Bad Blood” and 53 times as a mashup with “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”)

“Begin Again”

Date of release (as a single): October 1, 2012

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 75

“Shake It Off”

Date of release (as a single): August 18, 2014

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 189

“Blank Space”

Date of release (as a single): November 10, 2014

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 166

“Bad Blood”

Date of release (as a single): May 17, 2015

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 141 (that # includes the 53 times she performed the song as a mashup with “Should’ve Said No”)

As you can see, there is a pretty glaring disparity between the number of times she performed the other 8 songs live compared to the 1 time she performed “Breathe” live.

The song was released as a promotional single in the lead up to the release of Fearless, but wasn’t really a main single. It never had a music video, which means that it was probably never meant to be pushed for the charts. Although, it did spend one week on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, peaking at #87 on the week ending November 29, 2008, following the release of Fearless.

The song was co-written with Colbie Caillat, who also features on the track. Colbie was fairly popular at the time, in particular her debut single “Bubbly” had been very successful the previous year. So, you might think Taylor’s team/label would have wanted to push this song a bit more, but for some reason they didn’t.

The song seemed to be received well by critics too. There were obviously plenty of people who thought the song was good enough to earn a Grammy nomination. Although, it did end up losing to Colbie’s other, more commercially successful collaboration (“Lucky” with Jason Mraz).

So, it has been established that the song was released as a promotional single, it was nominated for a Grammy, and it was a collaboration with a popular (at the time) artist. These three factors combined might make someone wonder why she didn’t perform this song live until almost 10 years after its release. Just to reiterate, Taylor performed “Begin Again”, the song she performed second least out of this list, 75 times compared to the 1 and only time she performed “Breathe” in 2018.

This brings me back to the point that all of these other songs have a music video and were pushed as singles, whereas “Breathe” was only a promotional single and never had a music video.

Perhaps it would be fairer compare “Breathe” with the other promotional single Taylor released in the lead up to Fearless (I am excluding “Change” because it does have a music video and was used during the 2008 Olympics):

“You’re Not Sorry”

Date of release (as a single): October 28, 2008

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 124

Yes, that’s right. Taylor has performed “You’re Not Sorry”, a song that got about the same amount of promotion as “Breathe”, well over 100 times.

Fearless was Taylor’s sophomore album and it was her first tour as a headliner. She had two albums worth of songs, plus a handful of others, to choose from. “Breathe” did not make the setlist. The only other song from Fearless that was not a part of the main setlist for that tour was “The Best Day”, a song that she performed live 6 times between 2009 and 2018, including twice during the Fearless Tour.

So, “Breathe”, again, was:

co-written by and features an artist who was popular at the time

released as a promotional single

nominated for a Grammy

never performed live before August 18, 2018

Which begs the question, why did she wait so long to perform the song live?

It has pretty much been established that the song is about Taylor’s original fiddle player, Emily. Taylor has never named names on this one, but most Swifties, even non-Gaylors, think the song is about her. Colbie Caillat basically confirmed this longtime fan theory in an April 2020 interview, where she says that Taylor “was writing about something she was going through with a band member at the time, and she was pouring her heart out about it”.

Taylor did say in the “making of” video for “Breathe” that the song is about a friend:

“It was total therapy because I came in and I was like, ‘Look, you know, one of my best friends, you know, I’m gonna have to not see anymore and is not gonna be part of what I do and it’s, like, the hardest thing to go through.’ It’s, like, crazy listening to the song cause you’d think it would be about a relationship, but it’s really about, like, losing a friend and, like, having a fallout and just the loss…”

She also adds:

“It’s never specific as to why. That’s my favorite thing about it. It doesn’t talk about why or whose fault it was cause sometimes the hardest time and way to say goodbye is when it’s nobody’s fault. It just has to stop.”

But, again, I’m pretty sure that Taylor herself has never said that it was about Emily. The official story is that Emily left the band to attend law school, but there is a rumor that she was actually fired. More specifically, the rumor is that she was fired when the true nature of their relationship was discovered.

This is all old news to Gaylors, of course. I said in my first post for this blog that I would not go too far into this theory due to the fact that Emily was 21 when she was hired and Taylor was only 16 at that time. I do think it is possible that Taylor had strong feelings towards Emily and maybe those feelings were unrequited or maybe they were reciprocated. Either way, perhaps someone found out somehow and the fallout was Emily getting fired.

It is also not improbable that Emily decided that she didn’t really like being on the road or the business side of being a professional musician and wanted to pursue a different career. If that was the case, then I do wonder why Taylor felt the need to repeatedly sing “I’m sorry” at the end of “Breathe”.

The only thing that would make sense, other than a potential firing that Taylor somehow felt responsible for, is that they had a fight when Emily broke the news to Taylor that she was going to leave the band. Hence, Taylor feeling the need to apologize so profusely.

Even if that is the case (here is where I project a bit/draw from my own experience), it still seems, to me, like Taylor felt a deep connection to Emily that might have blurred the line between platonic and romantic feelings. Maybe Emily is the first woman that she had those feelings for (ignoring “Angelina” and “Me And Britney” for this point) and so when she left it hit her really hard. Thus, she couldn’t bear to sing about it, even by the time the Fearless Tour started almost a year and half later.

That is all speculation, of course. Still, I can’t help but wonder why she would let almost an entire decade go by before she decided to sing a literal Grammy nominated song on stage for the first time. Especially considering the fact that she has performed all of her other Grammy nominated songs well over 100 times, aside from “Begin Again” (which she has still performed 74 times more than “Breathe”).

[natromanxoff]

Queen live at Bingley Hall in Stafford, UK - May 6, 1978 (Part -2)

Photos were taken by Anthony Mallan.

Fan Stories

“As I write this I can't believe it is over 24 years since my first ever Queen gig. I was 15 years old and had looked forward to this day ever since I had first heard Bohemian Rhapsody 3 years earlier. Before that song Queen had just been another pop/rock group but BoRhap was the song which for me would set them apart from all others, the song that began my addiction for this band's music - an addiction which continues to this day. I had an hour long bus ride to Stafford and then had to walk to the Bingley Hall which was about 2 miles out of town. I remember while walking a couple of stretched limos passed I couldn't see inside because the windows were blacked out but I knew that it was the members of Queen in those cars and that added to the excitement. I arrived at the venue and joined the queue to get in. I was quite early but there were still a few hundred people in front of me. I bought a Black T shirt with the News of The World robot on the front and the words Spring Tour '78 and a program, both of which I still have although the T shirt is well worn. I was also treated to a young lady a bit drunk I think, taking her T Shirt off and running around half naked, quite sensational for a 15 year old lad. We were let into the hall at about 7pm and I found myself fairly near the front it was all standing and I was quite small so I was pleased to see the stage was set quite high which meant I would have an excellent view. The stage set for this tour was the famous crown and as I looked in awe at its size. I can remember wondering how they would get it to lift off the stage? I can't remember the time but probably an hour or so after I had got into the hall the lights went out and a mechanical whining noise started this was followed very quickly by white lights from the stage, smoke and then the drum beat of We Will Rock You with the song breaking straight into the chorus. Suddenly on a platform in the middle of the front row of the crowd Brian May appeared playing the "Rock You" guitar riff. I remember the feeling of joy and awe, I am sure I must have pinched myself to make sure this was really happening. After an explosion they burst into the fast version of "Rock You" and I saw Freddie for the first time. He was wearing shiney leather trousers, jacket & cap and running around the stage like a madman. It's far too long ago for me to remember every detail of the show but I do remember Freddie toasting us with champagne and at the end of '39 Roger threw his tamborine into the crowd and I had it for a split second before dropping it, I stood no chance really. The songs which I remember most from this gig were the ones which after this tour they were never to play live again: "White Man" & "Prophets Song" both were played either side of Brian's guitar solo and I can clearly remember Freddie performing vocal gymnastics during the middle section of "Prophets Song". The concert ended with a Rock n Roll medley. I remember right at the end of God Save The Queen we all started singing "You'll Never Walk Alone", then the lights were on and it was over. In a lot of respects it seems so long ago but as I am thinking of it now, parts of it are as clear as yesterday.”  - Kevin Ruscoe

“It was fun reading Kevin's story about going to see Queen at Stafford Bingley Hall in 1978. This was the first concert I had ever been to (talk about starting at the top). When the lights went down and Brian started with the dynamic We Will Rock You strumming, I was captured. A couple of years ealier I had purchased Night At The Opera for a girl I fancied at work. I took it to give her and before I could present her with it she showed me that she had just brought the album herself. So much for my Night At The Opera with her! So, I had to go home, take a cold shower, and listen to music. Because it was the only album I had, I played it and played it and I discovered a world I never knew existed. Music up to that point was something that was on the radio. That night seemed to open a new and exciting world me. Not as exciting as I had been planning with her but exciting none the less. My biggest memory of the Stafford concert was when Freddie gets us to sing along with him. Whenever I heard the Live Killers album, it would take me back to that moment at Stafford when I found out what I wanted to do with my life. I write now, plays and musicals, some successful, some not. Thanks Queen for my reason to live.”  - Robert

“Memory's a funny thing... and I wish to heck that I had a better one. How come I can remember useless things I don't want to know, like the winner of the first Big Brother programme, but can't remember stuff which would be far more useful... like how to order beer in any language, my bank account number... or the exact setlist of my first ever rock concert, Queen at Stafford's Bingley Hall in May 1978? Sitting down to type up this review I did a quick search on the net but only came up with a partial setlist which ends about two thirds of the way through. Very frustrating. So really this isn't a review, it can't be, but it's more a hazy recollection of just what it felt like to be a 15-year-old boy at his very first rock show. First off I remember getting the ticket. "Harvey Goldsmith presents A Night With Queen" printed in green (tickets for the Sunday night gig were printed in blue) and the price, L3.50 - laughably cheap now. I can't remember how long it was before the gig that I got the ticket but I do know that the waiting for the day of the gig was unbearable. But eventually that day arrived. Another reason it sticks in my mind is that it was the day of the FA Cup final (Arsenal beat Ipswich Town) and it was the first time I'd not sat glued to the TV from 12pm for all the build-up and the big match itself. If it had been my team, Manchester City, it might have been a different story, but I went up to Bingley Hall mid-afternoon, with a friend called Mark Butters, to join the queue and get as good a standing spot as possible. For those of you who don't know, Bingley Hall is a 10,000-plus capacity shed (a giant cowshed, really), at the County Showground just outside Stafford, and owned by the Staffordshire Agricultural Society. Before the NEC and other purpose-built venues came along, gigs at this venue (which on other occasions were filled with agricultural displays or animal pens) were a big deal, on a par with Wembley Arena and the like. Others to have played there include Abba, Black Sabbath, Genesis, Thin Lizzy, Saxon, Yes and Rush. I remember my Mum being worried sick about me going to the gig. Worried about the size of the crowd. Worried about the music volume. Worried about drugs. She was particularly worried that I was wearing a Thin Lizzy badge on my denim jacket and might get beaten up by some aggressive Queen fan who took exception to any other band. I had to persuade her that rock fans were not quite so tribal as football fans. I also remember standing fairly close to the glass-fronted doors in the queue and the physical, painful ache of anticipation. What came next is a blur - the doors finally being opened, the crush as we made our way through and our tickets were examined, the further crush by the merchandise stall (I got myself a big, square programme, which I've still got). Then I made my way into the crowd, jockeying for a position as near to the front as possible. The gig was all-standing and as showtime got closer the build-up of pressure was astonishing. I was pretty central, but there was constant swaying from left to right, if you lifted your legs you wouldn't fall, just be carried along with this sea of rock fans. Finally the wait is over (yes, I know I've changed tense, it just suits my recollections better). The lights go down. The roar of the crowd is unbelievably loud. But what comes next is even louder. As we strain to see what's going on the air is filled with a mechanical sound, the giant lighting rig (Queen's famed crown set-up) is lifting into the air in a sea of smoke. We Will Rock You explodes into the air. It's all light and smoke and noise... and suddenly there's Brian May, playing that guitar, just feet away from me. The spotlights fall on John Deacon and Roger Taylor behind his gigantic drumkit. Just one thing left now. Freddie. And he appears out of nowhere, Freddie Mercury, prancing and preening around the stage, soaking up the adulation, singing his guts out, clad in shiny black PVC. Call me innocent or naive, but back then I didn't really know about the whole gay/camp fetish thing... he just looked like the superstar he was. For the next two hours or so I am transported to a whole new place. We get the rockers (Brighton Rock, We Are The Champions, Now I'm Here, a pre-release It's Late, I'm In Love With My Car), the pop-orientated stuff (Killer Queen, Spread Your Wings, Somebody To Love, You're My Best Friend) and a superb acoustic section, featuring Love Of My Life and its amazing crowd singalong and '39, during which a string breaks on Brian May's guitar but he carries on regardless, note perfect to my ears. Oh, and we get Bohemian Rhapsody too. It's still only a couple of years old at this point, and although obviously something incredibly special is still making it's way up the ladder to immortality to stand alongside the likes of Stairway To Heaven. Anyway, it's bloody brilliant. Queen leave the stage for the opera section, enabling them to make another grand entrance in lights, smoke and pyrotechnics for the rock-out - a masterstroke! According to Kevin Ruscoe's review of this gig at the superb www.queenconcerts.com site we also got White Man and The Prophet's Song, but I have no recollection of that at all. Nonetheless it still sticks in my mind as one of the greatest gigs I have even seen over the past 28 years, and as one of the greatest events of my life. Like Kevin, I remember singing You'll Never Walk Alone at the end of God Save The Queen, a football terrace salute to a rock phenomenon. What a night!”  - Ian Harvey (April 28, 2006)

Part-1

[novanekoma]

I miss you

pt 2: here

 ☼ I miss you

☼ tetsuro kuroo x reader

☼ song: Betty by Taylor Swift

☼ summary: main lyric of inspiration: I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything, but I know I miss you

☼ status: ongoing, maybe? I have an idea of doing one from the reader’s pov, if anyone is interested

☼ genre: angst, teenage love,

☼ warnings: mentions of cheating, cursing, some slight suggestive themes, hints of cliché moments 

☼ word count: 3.1k

☼ disclaimer: haikyuu, the music and any other assets used in this fic, DO NOT belong to me, all credit goes to their respective owners

☼ A/N: So… as I was working on finishing the first part of always you, taylor swift released a new surprise album and I cannot get the song betty out of my head! it just squeezes my heart and is absolutely breathtaking. Especially when I found out that cardigan and august are linked to this song, I immediately got an idea for this fic and I was going back and forth between whether I wanted to write it about bakugo or kuroo, but in the end my main squeeze kuroo won. I hope if you take a chance and read this, that you enjoy it!

Also thank you to all the new followers! I appreciate everyone who has liked and reblogged always you ☼ I will have the first part up soon!

© novanekoma 2020

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

"God y/n, I don't know how it happened I- I-"

"Kuroo-"

"Please, you have to know I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry."

"I know you are, but right now, in this moment, it's just not enough."

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

           betty, I won’t make assumptions            about why you switched your homeroom, but            I think it’s cause of me

            Kuroo let out a small sigh, the ticking clock of the classroom echoing louder in his ears as each minute passed. The teacher droned on about something that he couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to, he was passing with flying colours anyway. Instead, his focus was on the empty desk by the window a row in front of him. A newly empty desk, one that had previously been filled by a certain someone. A memory of you sitting there, turning back to smile at him during class flashed in his mind.

            His hand slipped into his pocket to bring out the photo that had been by his side for the last couple months. The photo was slightly withered, his index finger moving to play with the crease forming at the bottom of the polaroid. A little caption scrawled underneath in your handwriting,  July 13th kuroo x y/n; you with an elated smile across your face as he pressed into your side, an arm thrown around your shoulder as he leaned in and gave you a sweet kiss on the cheek. He remembered the way you giggled and the pretty red blush that spread across your cheeks as he stole more kisses from you that day.

          betty, one time I was riding on my skateboard          when I passed your house            it’s like I couldn’t breathe

           The bell was what broke him from his thoughts, the piercing shriek that indicated that class was over, and thankfully so was the school day. Kuroo quickly packed up his things, carefully placing the photo back into his pocket, before slinging his bag over his shoulder. He tried to leave the class as quick as possible, being one of the first out of the classroom- and his breath caught in his throat once he made it into the hallway. His eyes quickly spotted you coming out of your new classroom, naturally being drawn to where you were. You were laughing at something one of your friends was saying as you exited the classroom, completely missing him, or ignoring him, as you continued down the hallway.

           you heard the rumors from Inez            you can’t believe a word she says           most times, but this time it was true           the worst thing that I ever did           was what I did to you

           His heart clenched as his eyes followed you, memories of you walking down that same hallway with your hand entwined with his as you planned your weekend together flashed through his mind, the little dimples on the apples of your cheeks deepening as you smiled at him was the image he was stuck on as you disappeared around the corner.

           Coming around that same corner was her, memories of secret meetings and tangled bedsheets bubbled up, God what an idiot he had been. He shook his head, hand clenched in anger as he thought back to where it all went wrong. Kuroo quickly turned on his heel before she noticed him and made a break for the gym where volleyball practice was being held.

           Shouts of, “Kuroo!” echoed as he walked into the gym, his team already beginning to warm up as he made his way toward the change rooms. He used to love this place, being here and practicing new plays with the team, but the gym was also where you two went to steal a moment alone together. Memories of stolen kisses and make out sessions locked in the storage room, sweet words and laughter rang through his mind as a familiar warmth that always came with thoughts of you spread through his very soul.

           betty, I know where it all went wrong            your favourite song was playing            I was nowhere to be found            I hate the crowds, you know that            plus, I saw you dance with him

           The memory that hit him the hardest was the moment he almost let you slip away, it happened here in the gym during one of the Nekoma vs. Karasuno practice games where their captain Daichi, started flirting with you. He could recall the exact moment he saw you two together, you were collecting a stray nekoma ball when Daichi caught your attention. Kuroo remembered the way he tensed when he saw the dimpled smile that was usually reserved for him being used on the brunette male as he made you laugh and stood closer to you than Kuroo was comfortable with. Kuroo ran a hand down his face, letting out a deep breath as he shoved open the door to the locker room.

           Tying his volleyball shoes up in the change room was Kenma, his best friend, who was surprisingly on time for practice. As Kuroo got ready for practice, the tactical pudding head scrutinized his best friend.

           “You’re still thinking about y/n.”

           It wasn’t a question, Kenma could already see it in Kuroo’s eyes. He knew his best friend like the back of his hand and there was a hidden anguish in Kuroo’s calculating gaze. The darker haired boy didn’t say anything, which only confirmed the blonde’s statement.

           Kenma sighed, blonde hair falling over his face as he stood, “You fucked up.”

           The older boy harshly put his gym shirt on as a glare was sent Kenma’s way, “I think I fucking know that,” Kuroo spit, not meaning to get so angry with his friend, but god he knew, he fucking knew how much he messed up. Every time he thought about it, all he wanted to do was rip his hair out in the frustration that came along with it.

           There was a moment of silence as the two stared at one another.

           “Now that you’ve processed it, what are you going to do about it?”

           Kuroo sighed, plopping down on one of the benches, his head falling back and hitting the wall behind him as his eyes closed.

           “What the fuck can I do? y/n won’t even look at me, let alone talk to me,” he muttered. Not that he could blame you, if the roles were reversed… he moved an arm to cover his eyes as his heart clenched again. He would not let the tears out here, not before he had to run practice.

           Kuroo felt movement beside him and looked only to confirm that Kenma came to sit next to him.

           “You fucked up, badly, but that doesn’t make you a bad person.”

           Kuroo laughed scathingly, “Then what kind of person does that make me?” he muttered sarcastically.

           “One that made a mistake,” Kenma started, “One that’s sorry. One that has learned from his huge fuck up, but is about to let the best thing that’s ever happened to him slip away because he's not willing to fight for them.”

           Kuroo didn’t answer, not willing to fight? After what I did, I don’t deserve to.

           Another beat of silence.

           “You know, y/n is throwing a party for all the third years, one last welcome back party since you’re all graduating. ”

           Kuroo peeked an eye out, but all he saw was the blonde boy leaving the change room.

           but if I showed up at your party            would you have me? would you want me?            would you tell to go fuck myself            or lead me to the garden?

           in the garden, would you trust me            if I told you it was just a summer thing?            I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything            but I know I miss you

           The scheming captains thought’s began to circulate, what if… god there were so many. He shook his head, composing himself before leaving the change room; he just missed you so fucking much.

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

           Lately, the walk home was always the worst for Kuroo, before you quit being the manager, (which he knew was his fault), this would be a walk you would take together. Kenma lagging behind as he usually did while playing a game as the two of you walked a little bit ahead, laughing and making jokes with one another as you walked hand in hand, stealing a kiss every so often as you paused to cross a street or wait for Kenma to catch up. The pure love and adoration that he would bask in, knowing you saw the same thing reflected in his own gaze.

           Of course, it had to be on this walk where things went wrong.

           I was walking home on broken cobblestones            just thinking of you when she pulled up like            a figment of my worst intention            she said “James, get in, let’s drive” those days turned into nights            slept next to her, but I dreamt of you all summer long

           A different set of lips moving in synch with his, a different pair of hands roaming his form as they tumbled in her sheets. Never going too far, just far enough. Lithe fingers running through his dark hair, tugging on the long strands, moaning his name as he peppered kisses along her neck, the bite marks he left on her skin as she left angry red scratches down his back. The guilt of what he was doing to you pushed further into his mind as she kissed down his chest, leaving her own marks to claim him as hers, even though he belonged to you.

           As he lay on his bed, Kuroo roughly wiped the tears that fell from his eyes. The picture of the two of you clutched to his chest as he stared up at the ceiling. Not stopping the thoughts that infiltrated his mind, the sinful things he did toher when he was supposed to be loving you. They tore it his heart bit by bit as he thought about all the times, each day he allowed himself to sink further into the betrayal. He was just as disgusted with himself now.

           Even with those thoughts, he fucking missed you. The memories he wanted to remember were the ones of you kissing his neck, pressing the sweetest kiss on the spot just under his ear, the one you knew drove him absolutely insane. His hands running down your form, memorizing every curve and dip of your body as you pressed closer to him, arms tightening around his neck as your lips moved in perfect chemistry. The way you would arch into him whenever he pressed a kiss to the center of your collarbone, leaving little love bites as he trailed the skin up to your neck

           Kuroo threw his arm over his eyes again, letting the tears slip out.

           He missed you so fucking much, he missed the way you laughed at his science jokes while you studied together, he missed the way you bit your lip in concentration as you tried to solve a problem and the way you would get so focused you barely processed what was happening around you. He missed the way you held out your hand from him whenever you walked somewhere together, the way your fingers fit perfectly with his. The way you turned red when you walked hand in hand to the gym for practice and the whole team would tease you, no matter how many times it happened. That pretty red blush spreading across your cheeks, your dimples deepening as you smiled up at him, only causing the teasing to get louder when he would lean down to kiss you, because you looked too damn cute not to.

           He missed the way you would cuddle up next to him as you watched movies, the reactions you had when certain scenes flashed across the screen. He missed how the two of you would play games together with Kenma, the way your brow furrowed whenever you tried to make a tarantula island, and the triumphant grin that graced your lips whenever you caught one, your eyes shining as they caught his, practically vibrating with happiness and excitement.

           He missed the way the two of you would just lay together, talking about everything and nothing all at once, you tucked into his side so perfectly as your hands lay together on his chest. Your head tucked under his neck as you talked about the future and all the thing you were going to be and do together. The way you kissed him sweetly and told him to get home safe, watching from your window until he disappeared down the street because you wanted to make sure he was okay walking home.

           A person who is going to let the best thing that’s ever happened to him slip away…  

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

           “You look fine.”  

           Kenma didn’t even look up as he continued to play a game on the switch, his dark eyes trained on the screen. Kuroo ran a hand through his hair, taking one last look in the mirror before looking at the blonde on his bed.

           Kuroo let out a breath, “I’m ready.”

           Was he really about to do this? Today was the day for the welcome back party, Yaku and Kai were already there. They sent text of encouragement and let him know there was a rumor going around that the Karasuno third years would also make an appearance.

           Kenma nodded his head, looking up from his game to meet Kuroo’s eyes, “Then get going.”

          betty, I’m here on your doorstep          and I planned it out for weeks now            but it’s finally sinkin’ in            betty, right now is the last time            I can dream about what happens when            you see my face again

           “Tetsu! Stop!” You were laughing as he brushed his fingers over your waist, tickling your sides and making tears of laughter stream down your face as you tried to push him off.

           “Sorry? Keep going? If you insist,” he teased, digging his hands into your sides even more, causing hysterical laughter to fall from your lips. Your stomach was hurting from laughing so much, your face pink with mirth as you reached up to place your hands on his chest in a weak attempt to push him off. The grin on his face matched yours and when you reached up and swiftly tugged his face forward, successfully stopping his tickling attempts in order to kiss the breath right out of you. Only for you to turn the tables and flip him onto his back.

           “I think I won that round,” you said, grinning proudly down at him as you straddled his waist, knees on either side of him.

           He laughed, “I don’t know kitten, from this position, I think I’m the real winner here,” moving his hands onto your waist and squeezing your hips as if that proved his point.

           Your face immediately went beet red and Kuroo took the time to memorize the expression on your face, the smile you had on despite the blush you were trying to control. He loved when you were flustered, that he could make you feel that way, you were the cutest thing…

           “Tetsu!”

           You laughed against his lips, his arms had snuck around and tugged you down towards him so he could kiss you again.

           “I love you Tetsu”

           “You have my entire heart y/n”

           Each step toward your house, each thought, each memory of you, fueled Kuroo’s resolve. Thoughts of you swirling in his mind, he knew he had to at least try, you meant more to him than he could describe.  

          the only thing I wanna do          is make it up to you

           God, he could imagine it now, the best possible outcome. Apologizing to you, grovelling, explaining and doing everything in his power to show how much he loved you, wanted you. He would do anything and everything in his power to show you that he wanted your forgiveness, that he would work every single day to get your trust back, to earn the right to call you his again. You were worth that, he knew that now more than anything.

           “Hey Tetsu,”

           He hummed his response, arm tightening his hold around your waist as you leaned back in his chest.

           “What do you want to do after graduation?”

           “As long as your there, I don’t care”

           You twisted to give him another dimpled smile, “Sap,” he could hear the love in your teasing tone.

           What he wouldn’t give to be able to go back.

           so I showed up at your party            yeah, I showed up at your party

           He could see your house coming into view, lights on and the faintest sound of music playing through the streets.

           yeah, I showed up at your party            will you have me? will you love me?

           His heart beat faster as he got closer, his mind racing at the thought of all the possibilities of what could happen. His feet carrying him up the path towards the familiar porch where he would kiss you goodbye until he could see you again.

           will you kiss me on the porch          in front of all your stupid friends?            if you kiss me will it be just like I dreamed it?            will it patch your broken wings?            I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything            but I know I miss you

           His breath caught in his throat as he reached the door. This was it, there was no turning back. He took a moment to collect himself, breathing, ignoring the music and the people he could clearly hear on the other side of the door. Picturing your face on the other side of the door, running through his apology, again and again, practicing once more what he would say when he saw you. He reached a hand up and pressed the doorbell, the sound vibrating through his nervous form.

         standing in your cardigan          kissin’ in my car again          stopped at a streetlight          you know I miss you…

           “Kuroo?“

[melancholymetropolis]

Enemy

Prompt: Reader is secretly in love with Randall and gets heartbroken when she catches him kissing another girl. She sings a sad song about it.

A/N: This fic is combining both my love of Glee and The Order. 

Warnings:  A LOT OF ANGST, implied smut and curse words, sudden POV change (Unedited)

Words: 3300+

---------------

The ear-bleeding music seemed to slowly die down as the pounding of my heart replaced its significant impact. My brain was trying to differentiate what my eyes were capturing and what I was feeling. Although, I seemed to be doing a terrible job. 

Randall Carpio was lip-locked with some girl I had never seen before that day. He was. . . I didn't know what he was at that moment. I didn't consider him a boyfriend since we never had the appropriate conversation about it. Yet, he was more than a friend, since we had kissed a couple of times. Granted, the goal was to divert needy girls from sitting in his face. But, my heart was the warmest when we shared such intimate moments. How our tongues tangled long after the intended audience had left and we were always one minute away from racing to a secluded area. Desperately wanting to release the sexual tension that had been within us since we had met last semester. 

I guess I was the only one to feel those things. 

I released the breath that I had been holding and turned my back to the scene. I placed the red solo cups on the porch of the rundown home and walked away from the bustling party. I tried my best to conceal the tears welling up in my eyes and the tightness in my throat. I held myself together all the way until I  reached my apartment. 

The shock on my roommate's face was unexplainable as I crumbled into her arms and soiled her satin shirt with my teary mascara. 

I saw his face the very next day, at the student center. He was signing some form, probably for a missing key. Since Randall was a RA, he had to fill out at least 6 of those forms every Saturday morning. Looking out for freshmen was a tough job, but he did it with no complaints. I walked past him and cranked up the volume of my phone. I could feel his eyes on me, but I chose to ignore it. If he hadn’t been signing those forms, I knew he would’ve followed me. Or chased me down.

I walked to the makeshift computer station and tapped my ID on the printer's mount. The device made a loud 'beep' before spitting out several sheets of paper. I gathered the warm items into a pile and stapled them together. Instead of walking out the way I came in, I decided to go deeper into the building and take the back exit. It happened to be further away from the library, where my study group was waiting. But an extra minute of walking wouldn't hurt as much as facing him again.

I proceed to avoid Randall for the upcoming weeks. I dove myself into my studies, spending all my extra time getting ahead on classwork. And, when I got bored with that, I upped my crocheting skills. The temperature was rumored to drop to a cool fifty degrees next week and I didn't have a scarf. Less than seventy-two hours later, I had finished my scarf and began working on my hat. 

Janet, my roommate, had gotten worried that I turned into a grandma. So, she bribed me into leaving the apartment. 

"Come with me to this club meeting and I'll buy you dinner," she said as she plopped onto my bed.

I stopped in mid-row and looked over at her. "You're only doing this because you don't want to go alone."

"Maybe," she huffed. "But, we'd both be happy when the night is over. You'll get your precious tacos and I'll join a new club."

I rolled my eyes. I finished my row and set my unfinished project on my desk. "Let's go before I change my mind."

The air in the auditorium was alive and thriving. It wrapped around my body like a chilled hug and I never felt so calm. I took my time walking down the aisle to the main stage, absorbing the positive energy all around me. The spotlight was aimed towards the middle of the stage, where the group was huddled. Instruments lie, abandoned, near the back of the stage. Along with mic stands and sheets of music on the floor. One group member picks up a sheet of paper from the edge of the stage and locks eyes with me. He stands up straight and looks up at me. 

“I know you!” He shouts toward me.

I looked behind me and saw that there was no one there. “Me? Where do you know me from?”

“We partied together a couple of times,” he said I walked up the side steps of the stage. He paused a second to process the memories and wait for me to close the distance between us. A blush flashed against his face and scratched the side of his neck. “I tried to hit on you a few times, but you were always with that Randall guy.”

Hearing his name still made my heart stop. I tried to push my emotions back into their cave as I mustered the courage to speak again. “I—” My voice cracked with just one letter so I just bit my lip and shrugged. 

The familiar stranger seemed to have understood my silence and just carried on the conversation. “Well, I’m glad you could make it! We are kind of desperate for new members.”

I cleared my throat and looked down at the ground. “What’s this club about?”

“We’re like a glee club of sorts. We sing songs that describe the overall feel of the weeks prior,” he replied in an assertive tone. “Interestingly, we have been singing a lot of breakup songs lately. We actually reconsidered to rename the club ‘The Lonely Hearts Club’.”

I looked over at Janet and she gave me a sheepish grin. 

Before I could even call out to her, a new voice emerged from within the other bustling ones. 

“Okay, everyone! I am excited to announce that we have new members!” The voice cheered with pure joy, which radiated throughout the room. The owner of the voice, a young woman, walked over to me and smiled. “It’s a tradition for the new recruits to ‘audition’ to become official club members. You can either sing a duet—” she looked over at Janet. “Or a solo”, then back at me. “Whichever you feel is comfortable.”

“I think a duet—” I tried to say before being cut off.

“We’re gonna do solos,” Janet interjected. I threw her a harsh look, which she had completely ignored and continued on with her statement. “I have been wanting to play my version of ‘Toxic’ by Britney Spears for the longest time.”

“Great! We’ll get the stage set up, and you’ll be ready to go, yes?” The leader said with a hasty head nod. She looked back at me. “While she’s performing, try to figure out if you’ll be singing acapella or acoustic. We have tons of songs from our prior setlists if you want the band to back you.”

 The familiar stranger placed a binder into my hands and I almost doubled over by the sheer heft of the object. I departed from the stage and sat in the front row. I flipped through the pages, I saw various pop anthems and R&B baby-makers in the front collection. The further I went into the binder, the more breakup songs I encountered. The majority of them are Beyonce and Taylor Swift. A few from H.E.R and Bryson Tiller. I knew a few songs in their possession but none of them really hit home. Until I reached the last page. 

Jhene Aiko’s Triggered.

I had that song on repeat the very first week I started to avoid. . . him. Maybe it was an exaggeration of my feelings but it sure felt right. It captured the anger, the pain, and the longing so perfectly. Plus it wasn’t too much singing. I knew I wasn’t a Whitney Houston, but I could hold a note and remain in key. 

I looked closer at the lyrics and sheet music behind me. A voice inside of me wanted to do this without a band. I needed to do this alone. I had to rid myself of the feelings that kept gnawing on my insides, begging to escape. 

Janet killed it, per usual. She captivated her audience with her somber tone and gentle approach. A roar of applause flooded the auditorium. Almost making it hard to top that. I handed the binder back to the familiar stranger, Justin, and climbed on the stage. I looked down at all of the glee folk and gave a sheepish smile. 

“I will be singing Triggered by Jhene Aiko,” I said, mustering up all the confidence in my being. 

“Will you be using the band?” the club leader, Marie, asked.

“No, I would like to sing it acapella,” I replied with a shake of my head. “It’s something I need to get off of my chest.”

“Ooh! I am excited! Go for it!” She cheered before taking a seat in the audience.

I turned my back to the group and took a deep breath. I decided to leave the microphone on the stand just to allow the hollowed-out space project my voice for me. I took a step and just opened my mouth. 

“Go figure, you were the trigger,” I sang with the side of my being facing the crowd. “You brought me an obstructed view when you knew the picture was bigger”.

The chitter-chatter among the group dropped and all eyes were on me. 

I took another breath and carried on. “Who am I kidding, I knew from the beginning,” I paused. An image of Randall flashed in my mind and I could feel the emotions bubble up. I clenched my fists and shook my head. “I’m sorry. I just—.”  

“Unleash it,” Marie yelled from the crowd. “The pain you’ve been holding. You don’t need to pretend anymore. This is a safe space.”

The crowd yelled reassuring testaments from below and it made me chuckle.

“So, cry if you need to! We saw it all,” Justin added in. “And we all have felt exactly what you are feeling at this moment.”

The exchange made me feel comfortable and highlighted that we were all humans at the end of the day. No matter how hard we judge, we all will be or have been in a position that makes us feel so small. So insignificant. It was only human for us to feel.

I nodded. “I’m going to start again.”

I closed my eyes and allowed the words to spill from my lips. 

Go figure, you were the trigger.

You brought me to 

An obstructed view

When you knew the picture was bigger

I opened my eyes and gave a humorless laugh.

Who am I kidding?

Knew from the beginning.

I saw him kissing her; as if I were experiencing it all over again and all I could feel was anger.

You’d ruin everything

You do it every time.

You are my enemy,

You are no friend of mine.

Muhfucker...

I paused and ran my hands through my hair. I clasped my hand together to make a loud clap before pointing to an empty space on the stage. As if he was there with me.

You muhfucking right

You muhfucking right I’m triggered

You muhfucking right I’m bitter

You muhfucking right I...

I stopped in midpoint and gave a weak smile.

Wanna fuck you right now

The crowd “oohed” in the audience from the statement and gave me a few claps.

He heard her voice before he even entered the building. While jogging across the quad that night. It had been weeks since they had last spoken and he wished he knew the reason behind it. Every time he called, it went straight to voicemail. His texts never went through, and when they did, they were left with some written automated message. Randall had debated whether to stop by her dorm and question her about the sudden disappearance, but he respected her space. But, hearing her voice for the first time in a long time had done things to him. It made him reminisce about the old times they had back at the packhouse with the other wolves. The times where they’d sleep in his bed after a night of partying; limbs drunkenly tangled together and his head on her chest. Randall loved laying his head on her breasts. They were always so soft and inviting and smelled of flowers. 

Like a sailor lost at sea, he followed the sweet melodies of Y/N’s eerily beautiful voice. The young man made his way to the auditorium before he had a chance to turn back. And he was thankful he hadn’t. She was like a siren in a pool of auburn water. The spotlight made it seem as though she was glowing. Highlighting the parts of her he found most gorgeous. Randall had taken so much time just staring at her that he shocked at the amount of sadness the lyrics offered. 

Tryna let the time go by

Tryna let the time heal all

Tryna let the time kill all

Of our memories

All you meant to me

All that history

All that's history

I'll calm down eventually

Why was she singing such a sad song? Who was this song dedicated to? He pondered the possibilities of anyone that could perhaps make her feel this heartbroken. Was Y/N going through a break-up? Who’s ass did he need to beat?

I'm triggered when I see your face

Triggered, when I hear your name

Triggered, I am not okay (yeah)

You need to stay out of my way

Suddenly the singing stopped and a sole tear rolled down her face. Y/N wiped it away and mumbled the last lyric about three more times before the audience rose from their seats and clapped. Multiple peopled raced to the stage and gave her a warm embrace and Randall watched as the tears continue to flood her face. 

“I should kick Randall’s ass for making you feel that way,” a familiar voice—  Janet—  said in the depth of the group. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

“I have no idea who he is, but fuck him!” A different voice chimed in. “Men are trash—”  

The men in the group made an unsatisfactory sound. 

“Current company excluded.”

Y/N smiled and whipped her tears. “Randall’s not trash, he just...” She paused for a moment to think. “Isn’t what I thought he was.”

“And what would that be?” Randall shouted from the doorway of the auditorium.

All the heads in the room snapped in his direction and he could hear Y/N’s heart stop for just a millisecond. As he walked down the aisle, Randall’s ears grew accustomed to her increasing heartbeat. He memorized the sound after all the nights he spent with his head against her breasts, but he hadn’t heard it beat that fast. Ever. It scared him. 

Upon walking to the stage, Randall watched as the group parted—  like the red sea—  Y/N. His favorite girl. No longer the fierce siren he saw while she was performing. Her mascara smudged underneath her eyes and her lip gloss dripped to her chin. But, it hadn’t mattered to Randall. She could walk through a hurricane and he’d still see the beauty within her. 

“Why are you here?” She asked as she walked down the stairs.

“You’re such a good performer! I was completely captivated by your stage presence—” Randall found himself spilling before realizing it. 

“Can you just not. . . be yourself for one minute and be serious?” Y/N said in a frustrated tone.

It was true. She was mad at him. 

“I must’ve really fucked up if you can’t take my silliness,” he mumbled to himself. Suddenly a little self-conscious, Randall looked at the group of people that had obviously been eavesdropping on the situation. He looked back at his girl and gripped her hand. “Can we talk in somewhere private, please?”

Y/N sighed and gave him a nod. 

Randall pulled her out of the auditorium and into the vacant corridor. 

“Look, I—” He cut her off with an embrace. Hands around her waist and nose in her hair. She smelled like cinnamon and sugar. But, it wasn’t the artificial kind that came in a spray bottle, no. It was the smell of freshly baked buns and the wafty aroma that scattered across the roll while they cooled. “Randall, what are you—”

“Just tell me what I did, so I could never do it again,” he squeezed her body closer to his and pressed a cheek to her head.  “Being away from you for that long is something I refuse to do again. I tried my best to give you your space but it pained me. . . Tell me what to do.”

Y/N’s heartbeat slowed to its normal pace as she released a shaky breath. “I saw you kiss some girl at the party.”

His body tensed. She saw him kissing Ashley? The girl was just some drunken sorority chick that stumbled across the party. Randall had won a game of beer pong and she followed him outside to give him a ‘reward’. He hated the kiss if he could even call it that. It felt like Randall was desperately trying not to choke on her tongue. He shivered at the war flashback.

“This may sound lame, but she really did kiss me,” Randall replied. “I didn’t want to come across as rude, so I just let it happen. I wish I hadn’t though. She was such a bad kisser. Like oh my god, so bad. I drool all over my shirt and everything”

She giggled. “That’s disgusting.”

“It was worse than you think,” Randall grimaced before pulling away to face Y/N. “I am sorry that I hurt you so bad that I forced you into isolation. I would never hurt you on purpose, you know that, right?”

She looked up at him with wide eyes. “I know that now.”

Randall placed a hand on her cheek and gave her a longing look. “Do you, also, know how much I love you, Y/N?”

“. . . What?”

Randall pressed his lips against hers for a steamy kiss. Y/N’s arms wrapped around his neck quickly as she stood on her tiptoes to deepen the kiss. He dropped his hand from her face and gathered her legs in his hands. He lifted her up with ease and pressed her against the wall. She groaned against his lips and arched her back, further pressing their bodies together. Y/N braided her fingers in his hair and tighten her legs around his waist. The pent up frustration from the overall situation had quickly become sexual and they were seconds from ripping each other’s clothes off.

The sound of a door closing brought her back to reality and Y/N pulled away from his lips. Just for him to attack her neck.

“Randall, we have to stop now,” she struggled to stop the moans from slipping from her lips. Y/N craned her neck to the side and tugged on the rooks of his hair. She jerked his head away from her neck and narrowed her eyes. “I mean it, Randall.”

“You’re no fun,” he pouted.

“I am not trying to have our first time in a hallway, Randall,” she hissed.

“But, it would be so risque,” he pouted even more. “The thrill is getting caught is so intoxicating.”

“But getting expelled isn’t,” Y/N rolled her eyes. “Can you put me down now?”

“So you are just gonna leave me all hot and bothered?” Randall said in blatant shock. 

“I was going to suggest your dorm room, but since you suggested leaving—! Ah!”

Randall slung Y/N over his shoulder and jogged through the hall. “I take it back! Come on, we don’t have any time to waste!”

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Kismet {3}

Henry Cavill x Famous OFC Aliya Taylor

Warning: Plot Heavy, Slow Burn, Mild Cursing, Flirtation, LOTS OF WORDS

Words: 7.7k

Summary: Aliya is a singer turned model turned actress. Since she was fifteen, she’s been creating her empire in the entertainment world. As the daughter of a famous fashion model/designer and Hollywood director, you’d think life is easy for her, but her past has been anything but easy. Due to past trauma, she’s forever changed and no longer trusts any man that is not in her family and a select few in her team. She’s sworn off love and serious relationships and has planned never to fall again, but love isn’t something that can be planned. It just happens when it’s meant to. Can Aliya outrun a love that seems hellbent on holding tight to her, a love that is Kismet?

Note: I did something a little different this chapter with POVs. You’ll see it toward the end. Let me know if it was confusing or if you guys liked it. Also there are Google Translations in text. If they are wrong, I apologize. I hope you enjoy this. ❤️❤️

If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!! 😘  As always, thank you so much for reading. ❤️❤️

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

***Interactive***

***Henry Images NOT my own**

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 

-Aliya-

A few days later, you found yourself on a flight back to LA. Usually, you’d be relieved to get home so you could shower in your own bathroom and fall asleep in your bed. Today you weren’t relieved. You were filled with a different emotion—anxiousness. Looking down, you stared at the picture of Henry in his bed with little to nothing on. You’d tried to drill into your head that you needed to end the flirtation as quickly as possible, but instead of doing anything of the sort, you continued thinking about him. It didn’t help that you found yourself looking through his pictures daily. That was what probably kept this lingering attraction to him. It had to be his looks your deduced.

Your text messages and conversations flitted through your head on a daily basis. You found yourself smiling at something he’d said or texted, and you always realized it at the most inopportune times. You doubted anyone noticed, but it bothered you that you noticed. When the plane landed, you made your way through airport security. As you did, you noticed the paps from the corner of your eye snapping away, capturing every move you made. After signing a few autographs, you climbed into your waiting truck.

The drive to your house gave you time to think about your next move. Instead of work being the most important thing on your mind, it was Henry. His suggestion was fresh on your mind. You wondered if he'd bring it up again. When your driver dropped you off and brought your bags to your bedroom, you took the time to enjoy the quiet and comfort of your own surroundings. Traveling was part of your job, and in your life, you’d seen the inside of plenty of hotels, but you always preferred being home. You felt more like yourself here.

The next hour was spent unpacking and decompressing while fighting off the jet lag. The music that you had blasting was working with keeping you distracted, and you were grateful for it. After unpacking, you began working fearing idle hands. Halfway into trying a different angle with the magazine, you heard the chime of Henry’s phone. Pausing where you sat, you waited to see if it would chime again. It didn’t, so you went back to work. 

Every minute you sat there instead of looking at the phone, you were filled with such an overwhelming desire you rush across the room to look at it. It was a desire that was new to you. It had been years and years since you’d had any impulse close to this. You thought you’d had one hundred percent success when you cauterize every ventricle that could produce impulses and emotions like this to your heart.

 As your legs carried you across the room, you realized you must not have been entirely successful.

 MSG Your Phone: How is Firefly in Studio City?

 Of course, he was still persistent. You didn’t expect anything less. Part of you had expected him to bring it up again. You stared at the text for several minutes, unsure of what to reply. The war within you waged again. You knew that if you agreed, there would be a chance you wouldn’t leave immediately. He was that charming. Deciding not to respond, you called your trainer instead, hoping that a workout would help to either distract you or help you decide.

 The next hour and a half was spent sparring with your trainer. He didn’t take it easy on you, something you were grateful for. After twenty minutes, you were dripping in sweat and fully enthralled in the workout. After a sparring match, he pushed you through a HITT routine that kicked your ass. You were certain he decided to give you the athlete routine because you’d never been this out of breath. No matter how tired you were, you pushed through it. By the time you’d finished, you were flat on your back on the mat completely out of breath, but you’d also come to terms with a decision.

 MSG Henry’s Phone: See you then.

 After cleaning up a bit, you decided to take your chances on Rodeo for some shopping. Before you got out of your car, you pulled on a hat and some sunglasses and said a silent prayer. You’d learned long ago that if you blended in, you usually would be left alone. As you shopped, you did notice a few eyes, but they always looked away. They must have decided that you weren’t anyone special because of how you were dressed. Maybe it was a good idea to shop in your workout clothes that still had splotches of sweat all over them.

 When you got home, you realized you had two hours left. That meant you couldn’t take forever in the shower, which would be impossible since you had to do your wash routine because of how sweaty you’d gotten during your workout. Deciding on a co-wash rather than a full wash routine, you saved yourself an added hour in the shower. As you stepped into your room, you saw Alicia sitting there.

 “My God, I’ve been calling and texting for weeks,” she half whined and shouted.

 “I have an explanation. My phone wasn’t with me,” you rushed out.

 Alicia looked confused when she looked at the bed and saw the phone that eerily resembled yours. You proceeded to tell her everything as she followed you around your closet. You didn’t leave one thing out. It was only with Amaya and Alicia could you be this honest. They’d been with you through everything, well Alicia had. Amaya began as your assistant and was for five years before you decided to get another so she could achieve all her goals. Now she was doing very well as the owner of her own boutique and on track to opening another location.

 “Holy Shit, lemme see.”

 You showed her Henry’s phone and took the time to scroll through his pictures yet again. You were verging on a stalker now. Every picture she went to that showed less and less clothing had her gasping louder and louder.

 “Oh my god. You have to jump on that.”

 “Leece!”

 She snickered as you shook your head. You didn’t know why you were surprised. She’d always been the more outspoken one between you. she said everything that came to mind. She also wasn’t plagued with the same tragedies as you.

 “Only you would find yourself in a situation like this,” Alicia scoffed.

 “Tell me about it.”

 “So you’re going to get your phone back.”

 “Yes,” you confirmed.

 “And dinner,” Alicia added.

 “What? I hadn’t planned on dinner.” You were sitting at your vanity, applying a lite layer of makeup.

 “It’s night. It would be a shame just to go to get your phone back. Sit a while,” Alicia slid in with a grin on her face.

 “Leece, there have been two women texting and calling him this entire time. I don’t do messy, and that screams messy.”

 “You don’t know that,” she protested.

 You walked out of your closet and to the bag that had the dress you’d just bought. “It’s not a good idea.”

 “Which is why you’re putting in major effort.”

 You slipped on the dress while shaking your head objecting.

 “I am not. I like to look good.”

 Alicia scoffed again. “Chic, please. You’re wearing makeup. I see the flat iron over there, which means you’re going to straighten your hair and probably curl it to since the curling iron is next to it. You only do that when you plan on doing those curls that make you look like an Egyptian goddess. Plus, the clothes everywhere in the closet says you were indecisively trying to find an outfit,” Alicia pieced together.

 Groaning, you dropped your head back. “God, this is crazy. I don’t know this man at all.”

 “But?”

 “I don’t know. When we bumped into each other that time, I felt this—electric charge between us. Looking at him—I felt like—like I was under some spell. It’s weird,” you explained before you sat in front of the mirror, ready to use the flat iron. “Then this week, I swear I felt like I needed a release every damn day,” you confessed.

 Alicia walked behind you and took up the flat iron and began the process for you. “Every day I looked at his pictures, and then he’d text almost every day and his voice,” you added before you groaned loudly again. “What is wrong with me, Leece?”

 “You’re horny.”

 Glaring at her you rolled your eyes. “Shut up.”

 “It’s either that or you’ve met the one,” Alicia added.

 You nearly leaped to your feet from shock. The only thing that stopped you was the fact that Alicia had a hot as hell flat iron in your head.

 “The one? Shut all the way up!”

 That was when Alicia laughed, which made you grunt again before crossing your arms like a child. As she continued doing your hair, you caught up with what you’d missed in each other’s lives over the last weeks.  For the next almost forty minutes, your conversation took your mind off of what the rest of the night held for you. Before you knew it, she’d finished, and you were standing in front of the mirror, fully put together. It was a beautiful dress, one that wasn’t overtly sexy, but it also wasn’t plain.  When you got into your car, Alicia left you with a parting message. “Que sera sera.”

  -Henry-

He said seven, but he was there at six-forty-five. He hated being late. It was probably the Brit in him. As he sat at the table, he’d requested he sipped water rather than a beer. His nerves would have him going through two or three before you got there. He found himself worrying that you wouldn’t show. After going around it for ten or so minutes, he finally decided that you would show up, but then it sent him in another mind maze on if you’d stay. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been like this over a woman.  It was almost laughable—almost.

 Thankfully the table he’d chosen afforded him some privacy, which meant he could fall apart in peace. He’d never been more nervous in his life, and that included the times he’d auditioned for Superman and Witcher. He remembered his mother’s words; “Nerves aren’t a bad thing; they symbolize that something or someone matters.”

 He didn’t know how you mattered in such a short amount of time, especially since you hadn’t talked often, and you’d never spent more than one minute in front of each other. He flicked his wrist to check his Garrick watch for the tenth time. Seven o’clock. Instinctively, he looked around, trying to see if you’d arrived. There was no sign of you. There was no sign of you for the next five minutes. He tried not to be alarmed or discouraged, noting that not everyone was as punctual as he was. It was then he wished he’d ordered something a lot stronger than water.

  <With Aliya>

When you arrived, you were appreciative that there were no paps. They always increased your anxiety, and right now, you didn’t need any more anxious energy. After the valet took your car, you walked up to the hostess with young features, including kind eyes and a sweet smile. When her eyes met yours, you knew she’d recognized you.

 “Hi. Welcome to Firefly. Do you have a reservation?” You were impressed she got through that calmly without missing a beat.

 “Um—I’m not sure. There’s supposed to be a guy here. He’s pretty tall, black hair, um—built he looks like he works out, oh, and the most amazing blue eyes that you’ve ever seen,” you listed off. You didn’t want to just drop his name if he’d managed to get in without being recognized.

 “Of course, you’re the Aliya he meant,” she said with an excited smile.

 “Huh?”

 “He said he was expecting an Aliya to join him. I should have known it was you,” she explained.

 You looked around, making sure you weren’t drawing attention.

 “Follow me. I’ll take you back,” the hostess instructed.

 You didn’t move. Your anxieties controlled your limbs now.  The hostess stopped and looked at you with a concerned expression on her face. You toyed with the handle of your clutch, trying your best to calm yourself enough to move. As you followed her through the restaurant, you were pleased the route didn’t have you parading through the restaurant.

 When she stopped at a drawn closed red curtain, you took a deep breath and prepped yourself. She pulled it open, revealing the man of the night.

 “Mr. C, excuse me. Your party is here.”

 She stepped to the side and gave you the first view of him. He looked as incredible as ever. With the lights behind him, it put him in the most romantic glow. You squeezed your clutch, feeling the butterflies flit in your belly. This was not good, you thought.

 Long moments passed with the two of you just staring at each other. Every second that passed, your attraction toward him only grew, and the more your attraction grew, the more you felt as if there was a strong gravitational pull between you. It didn’t make any sense to you.

 “Well, I’ll leave you now. Your waiter will be over in a few minutes,” the hostess informed before she walked off.

 You still stood there, gawking at him. When he stood, you followed his height. He was tall, and that took your breath away even more.

 “Hi.”

 He sounded surprised and out of breath.

 “Hi,” you echoed pretty much identically to him.

 It felt like a surreal moment, one you didn’t have a lot of experience with in this fashion. You’d been in surreal moments before, but they were less than ideal. When he moved behind you to the other side of the table he pulled out the chair there.

 “Please,” Henry said ushering to the chair.

 He looked tempting and welcoming all at once. You’d only planned on getting this far. Anything past this would have you venturing into unchartered territory, somewhere you didn’t like going. Sitting in the seat, Henry pushed it in for you before he walked back around to his.

 “Thank you.”

 The silence returned, and when your eyes met again, anything you thought to say faded away. How could anyone think straight when looking into eyes like those?

“Hi, I’m Tamara. I’ll be your server tonight,” a new voice began snapping you both out of your daze. “Holy mother, you’re—you’re Henry Cavill. I’m such a huge fan,” she rushed out.

 Henry smiled appreciatively as he slightly bowed his head. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

 “Wow. No problem,” Tamara said as she shook her head as if trying to snap herself out of it. She looked successful, but when she looked at you, her eyes widened even more.

 “Oh my god! You’re—you’re—a twofer. I’m a huge fan of yours too.”

 Smiling you flicked your hair over your shoulder. “Thank you.”

 “Wow, okay. Do you guys know what you’d like to drink or an appetizer?”

 “Afraid not, we just sat down.”

 “Okay. I’ll give you a few more minutes,” Tamara said.

 “Actually, I’m not staying,” you informed.

 Both pairs of eyes landed on you. Henry didn't look surprised, but Tamara looked as if you were insane and she wanted to tell you.

 “Oh.” That “oh” was filled with so much judgment. You almost laughed.

 “Can you give us a few minutes, Tamara?” His smile must have been his secret weapon. Tamara instantly fell under its spell, smiling back at him like an awestruck teenager as she nodded her reply.

 “Sure thing,” she managed out before she walked away. That was when you took up your clutch to get the thing that brought you here.

 “I only came here to give you back your phone and get mine,” you informed as you took his phone out to hold out to him. Henry didn’t take it. Instead, he looked at it then to you.

 “Is that the only reason you came tonight?”

 You were speechless now, and you didn’t know why. Yeah, he was gorgeous, and his eyes felt like they were actual x-ray beams that were boring into you. Yes, his aura was something that was wreaking havoc on you, and his scent was just bombarding you, overloading all of your senses. None of that should have mattered. He was not the first beautiful face you’d encountered.

 “Honestly, you could have mailed it to me a week ago, making tonight unnecessary. You didn’t. You held on to it and decided to come tonight,” Henry theorized.

 “To give this back to you,” you reiterated.

 “If that was your only reason, you should have chosen a different outfit.”

 Your smile began small but gradually spread wider and wider until you were full-on blushing. He was too damn charming. It was the accent; it had to be.

 “It’s Friday night. I’m starving and have nothing to do. We’re both here at one of the best restaurants in LA that also offers privacy. Let’s stay. If after drinks and appetizers, you can’t stand me, I will have no objections to going our separate ways. No hard feeling and no strings,” Henry suggested.

 You studied him for several long moments. Slowly, you licked your lips. The action brought Henry’s eyes to them.

 “And if we get through drinks and appetizers and somehow make it to actual dinner and dessert, what then?”

 With his smile, you realized you were in danger. No man should be this gorgeous. No man should have a perfect face, including eyes and smile that would stop any war. The shiver that rushed through you had him smiling even more extensively. Looking from him, you dipped your head to gather your senses.

 “Don’t you want it back?”

 Henry leaned back into his chair and shrugged. “Eh, I’ve been without it for twelve days. What’s another few hours? Hang on to it,” he replied as he lifted the menu to his face.

 With his face blocked from yours, you were finally able to breathe. He had to know his effect. There was no way a man went through his life, not knowing his effect on the opposite sex. Pressing your palm to your belly, you tried to will the butterflies to calm. You placed his phone on top of the table to the left and your clutch to the right. He still held his menu up. It gave you a little more time to think about what you should do. The exhaustion you felt before your belly growled were the only two deciding factors. You took up your menu and scanned it.

 Neither of you spoke for a few moments. You wondered if he was also taking notice of the things you were.

 “Have you ever been here?”

 “Um—no. First time,” you answered.

 “I've been here once or twice. My friends love the food.”

 You nodded with your head in the menu. You busied yourself with figuring out what you’d eat instead of thinking about his scent.

 “You know, for you to figure out if you can’t stand me, you have to talk to me,” Henry teased.

 Peeking out from the menu, you glanced at him. “What if in talking I realize I can’t stand you?”

 He smiled again, which had you wanting to return it. “Funny.”

 You shrugged. “ I have my moments.”

 “I do have to say this before another moment passes,” Henry began. You put the menu down, giving him your full attention. He looked serious.

 “You look incredibly beautiful tonight.”

 That was not what you were expecting. Your heart was racing with just those simple words. In a second, everything and everyone around you disappeared, leaving just the two of you in the dim glow of candlelight. Wow, you thought.

 “Sorry to interrupt the moment,” Tamara softly breeched. “Any idea what you’d like?” You quickly looked away from him. Flustered, you glanced back to the menu.

 “Yes, um, a coconut mojito, please,” you requested.

 “Great choice. They are to die for here. And you?”                  

 Henry pursed his lips to the side as he looked over the menu for a few quick moments, then looked back to Tamara. You couldn’t help but stare at his lips.

 “A Guinness, please.”

 “Sure thing. Any appetizers?”

 Henry glanced at you to take the lead.

 “Uh—I’ll have the blackened shrimp with crispy chilled cucumbers,” you informed.

 “I’ll have the chicken samosas, please.”

 “All right. Coming right up. When I bring them back, I’ll take your main course,” Tamara said before she walked off.

 Once the two of you were alone, you found your hand in your hair twirling it lost in your thoughts while skimming the menu. It took a few moments to realize it, but when you looked at him, his eyes were planted on you, and that was when you realized what you were doing.

 “I’m sorry. It’s a habit I have.” Putting your hand on the table, you tried to get over the impulse to put it right back in your hair.

 “No need to apologize,” Henry voiced while looking in your eyes.

 You’d noticed it from the moment you saw him at the table. Whenever he spoke, he looked into the eyes of whoever he was speaking to. It was a refreshing discovery, one you liked—a lot.

 Clearing your throat, you focused on the current goal of the night. “So I hear really good things about Witcher season two and the Superman movie that is being planned.”

 “Oh yeah?”

 “Yeah. All the comic people are excited about you reprising your role as Kal-El, and the gamers are loving Witcher,” you expressed.

 “Does that include you?”

 “Actually, I am interested. Superman happens to be my most favorite superhero.”

 “Really, not Batman?”

 You snorted and shook your head. “Batman sucks, Superman, though—more substance.”

 His smirk was wide. You could tell he liked that answer.

 “Is he your only favorite?”

 “No. There’s WonderWoman, Aquaman, Storm, Mystique, although she lost her way for a tiny bit and  Black Panther,” you listed.

 “Aquaman, huh. I didn’t suspect that.”

 “I like to deliver the unexpected,” you quickly followed up with a smile that Henry returned. You couldn’t help but bit your bottom lip.

 “So a Guinness man, huh?”

 “Yes, of course, I’m British. I was born on the Bailiwick of Jersey on the Channel Islands.”

 “Really?” You couldn’t believe you didn’t know that. He nodded with a smile.

 “Interesting. Isn’t that right between England and France?”

 “You’ve been?” The surprise and excitement in his eyes was bright.

 “No. I just know.”

 “Not many people do. I’m impressed,” Henry complimented.

 “Is that how you know French?”

 “Yes, also my mother spoke French to me, and I learned it. How do you know French?”

 He seemed genuinely interested in the words that came out of your mouth. Usually, when you interacted with men in the industry, it was different. You could always tell they seemed to be pretending on some level. With Henry, you didn’t get any air of fakeness. He seemed like a genuine person. That was rare in the entertainment industry.

 “I went through finishing school, where they taught a bunch of stuff. A lot of it was useless like etiquette, how to sit, talk, and act as a true proper lady. How to speak, and the art of conversation. The proper way to set the table with the right place settings and what each fork is for and each spoon because that is incredibly important in life. Let’s see--,” you tapped your jaw, trying to remember all the useful useless things you learned in your childhood.

 “Oh, How to host events, the useful skill of ballroom dancing mixed with aristocratic dances. I also learned more useful life skills like languages such as French, German, Chinese, Spanish, Gaelic, and Russian. I learned how to cook, manage a budget, even how to take care of a household and one of the best things. Ready for it?”

 Henry nodded. “How to be marriage ready, so when a suitable gentleman caller comes calling, I'm ready and willing to receive him and show what an asset I am for him to marry,” you finished in your perfect southern voice.

 Henry looked shocked, scared, and confused, but he also looked very amused. His expression was enough to have you laughing loudly. As you laughed, he joined in.

 “Finishing school. Wow.”

 “Yep. From six to thirteen,” you added.

 “Wow. I would have never guessed. So you know the difference between a soup spoon, dessert spoon, and appetizer spoon?”

 You cringed remembering the torturous lessons that went on for weeks about that topic.

 “Unfortunately,” you blandly confirmed before Henry was laughing. In seconds you were laughing with him.

 You were so busy laughing, neither of you realized when your waitress came back with your drinks. As she placed your drinks down, you troubled her for a side plate of sliced pineapples, lemon, and lime wedges. While she hurried for your items, you stirred the mojito with the spoon that was on the table. When she returned you thanked her.

 “Mojito, huh,” Henry began with a smirk. Rolling your eyes, you scoffed.

 “I’ll bite. Tell me what my drink choice says about me.”

 Henry raised his hands defensively. “I didn’t say a word.”

 “I know you have a few to say. By all means,” you laid out signaling he had the floor.

 “Okay, since you you insist.” You smiled and rested your chin on your hand, giving him your undivided attention.

 “Mojito screams fun, party. It also says you’re relaxed, confidant, and adventurous. Mojito also says you have a lot of intrigue and spice. You have attitude and a bold personality. You’re not afraid to tell someone off and not afraid to do your own thing. You don’t kiss anyone’s ass.”

 It was easy to get mesmerized by what he said. There was something to the way he spoke, everything he said sounded almost poetic. You didn’t know if it was the accent or the tone of his voice, but you loved to listen to him talk. Smirking, you nodded.

 “Sounds accurate.”

 Henry chuckled, “Really?”

 “Maybe,” you coyly replied. Popping a slice of pineapple into your mouth, you smirked at him.

 “Go on. What do you have to say about my drink choice?”

 You pinched your lips because your instinct said just be blunt, be you, but because this was technically a not date/date, you felt you should sugarcoat a little.

 “Hmmmmm,” you exaggerated while pretending to think hard about his assessment. Henry snorted.

 “Guinness, my dad drinks Guinness, he’s British, and my grandfather on my mom’s side drinks it too, he’s Irish. What do they both have in common? They’re both from stuffy upbringings where boring is smiled upon.”

His laugh was loud, so loud; you knew people were looking around, trying to find it. Thankfully the curtains were drawn, giving you both continued privacy. When he quieted down, you continued.

 “You are not afraid of complex. Guinness, to me, is very complex. The taste is very harsh, which must mean you are not afraid of less than ideal situations or people. You have a political character, which includes having a lot of charm and poise. You know how to present yourself, and people appreciate that. You’re authentic and know who you are and what you want and don’t take shit getting it.”

 As you spoke, Henry looked more and more serious.

 “You also are a partier, you have to be Guinness is heavy and has a high alcohol content, and with it getting drunk is easy. That also must mean you hold your liquor well,” you finished.

 He looked impressed. You knew you were right or damn close to it.

 “Or you could just be a really great poser,” you added.

 The sound that you were beginning to love every time you heard it started up again—his laughter. Unable to help it, your hand found its way back into your hair to continue twirling.

 “Nice.”

 “Thank you. Accurate?”

 He glanced up with just his eyes to peer into yours, stopping your breath in the process. “Maybe. You forgot one thing.”

 You audibly gulped before you spoke. “What’s that?” It was a whisper.

 “I always get what I want because I don’t stop until it’s mine.” He never looked from your eyes, and that was what shook you. Man, you’d never been thirstier, you thought.

 “Good to know.” It was another whisper.

 You watched him take up his drink and hold it out. “A toast.” You followed his action and waited for him to continue. “To lost phones and main courses,” he finished. You smiled and tapped his glass before taking a hefty sip of your drink before popping the lime into your mouth right after. The increased burn tingled your tastebuds in an exhilarating way.

 “Adventurous indeed,” Henry muttered in a way that had your belly flipping.

 Keep it together, Aliya, you hammered in your head.

 Through drinks and appetizers, you talked. There never seemed to be one moment of uncomfortable silence between you. Henry spoke about how he got into acting and why he continued. You shared with him how you got into singing, then modeling and finally acting. When you spoke, he gave you his undivided attention and never looked bored. When he told a story about his family during his childhood or growing up with four brothers, you hung on every one of his words. Things were going swimmingly well, so well, time seemed to stand still but speed forward all at once.

 The more he talked, the more tid bits you found you liked about him. He definitely didn’t come off as the pretty boy he was made to be in the press. He was more than a pretty face, and you were attracted a lot more to his mind than his face. His looks didn’t hurt, though. You found yourself just gawking at each of his features. You watched his hands as they moved when he told his stories, he was such an animated talker.

 Every time he smiled, you stared at his mouth, and you took your time there. His lips looked soft. He looked like he was a good kisser. You didn’t even bother chastising yourself for the thought. What was the point? From his mouth and perfectly imperfect teeth, you drooled over his perfect jawline. If Da Vinci was still alive, you were sure Mona Lisa would be a blip on his radar. You moved to his clean and kempt hands and exposed forearms, intentionally staying away from his sizable arms and shoulders. You knew if you fixated on them, you would probably drool.

 When the waitress returned to inquire about your dinner orders, Henry didn’t speak. He sat there calmly and patiently, giving you the time needed to answer. While his body language spoke of confidence, the look in his eyes silently screamed uncertainty. Even the waitress looked to be silently telling you to stay and give him a chance. You gave your order and watched as he did the same.

 The rest of the night went by in a whirl. You talked, laughed, flirted, and teased each other. He revealed he was a mama’s boy but assured there would never be a scenario where his mother would have priority over his relationships because there would be no need. When you told him that both of your parents’ opinions mattered to you, he didn’t seem phased one bit.

 You loved that nothing seemed forced between you. After a little while, thanks to his down to earth aura, you forgot he was an actor and saw him as a normal man. The more you saw him as a regular guy, the connection you felt between you continued to increase. With its increase, his effect did as well. It was exhausting pretending to be un-phased by him, especially since that was not the case. You’d never reacted to any man like this before, your body was on high alert, and that scared you.

  -Henry-

Things were going incredible, better than what he’d hoped. You were a dream, and it went way past your looks. You were smart, funny, snarky, and honest. With each word you spoke, he found himself hanging off every single one. How could he not? He was sure you’d noticed even though he tried to keep himself restrained. The more he tried to do that; the more your personality compelled him to break free. It was a delicate balance he had to figure out. Never had he been this comfortable with another woman or felt such a clear connection to. Before, in passing, it intrigued him. Now with you sitting across from him, it mesmerized him.

 Everything you did mesmerized him. Your voice was like a sultry melody he had to hear all the time. Your laugh the one thing that had his heart racing. The way you licked your lips as if you wanted to savor the taste on them. The way you toyed with the curls in your hair dazed and distracted him. He wanted to sink his fingers into it as he gently brought your lips to his. It was an overwhelming urge that took every ounce of his energy to cage.

 He’d hoped that if you came tonight that he would have answers to so many questions he had since you’d met, but after everything he found out, he just had more questions. He thought he’d find things out that would dispel this attraction he felt for you, but he had no luck in that department. By the time the bill came, he was even more attracted to you. When he handed his card to the waitress, you protested, offering to split it instead. It was refreshing. Every woman he took out expected him to pay and never lifted a finger or raised a voice of splitting the bill after they’d ordered everything that was expensive on the menu. It was laughable. With you, it was unexpected, and even that had him wanting you even more.

 As the two of you walked out of the restaurant onto the sidewalk, he breathed a relieved sigh that there were no flashing cameras. Somehow, on other dates, the paps always found out where they were even with him taking every precaution. He suspected it was always his date but never voiced it. That wasn’t the case with you now.  The valet handed you your car keys after you insisted you could walk to it rather than have him bring it around.

 “I’ll walk you,” he offered.

 “You don’t have to.”

 “I do. I was raised proper, and my mother would have my ass if I did anything else.”

 You snorted, nodded, then led him on the path. As he watched you walk before him, your curves made it impossible not to watch. You walked for an audience and deduced you were so used to walking a runway that you didn’t even realize when you were doing it. When you dropped at a car and opened it, he held the door.

 “The food was delicious. I can see why your friends like it,” you expressed.

 “Yeah, you know you’re getting when you come here. Would you come again?”

 You shuffled your head from side to side with a smile. “Maybe.”  That was when your hand found its way back into your hair, and there went his focus for the next fifteen seconds, at least.

 “Eh-em, is it past your bedtime?”

 “What time is it?”

 Quickly glancing at his watch, he spoke, “Eleven-Forty-five.”

 “Well, a girl does need her beauty sleep.” He could hear the tease in your voice.

 “You have more than your fair share.”

 You bit your bottom lip as you stared at him for a few seconds. When you looked away, he saw the soft smile tickle your lips.

 “Is it yours?”

 “I’m a night person,” he replied. You nodded.

 “What were you thinking?

 “I know a great bar. The drinks are good, and the atmosphere is even better.”

 You didn’t speak right away; you watched him instead. He wanted to know what you were thinking so badly.

 “Either you’re looking for an excuse to drink more Guinness, or you actually like my company.”

 He chuckled, “I have Guinness at home, so it’s not that,” he clarified.

 Neither of you spoke for a few moments, and each passing second he felt the draw to you intensify. He wondered if you too felt it, you looked like you did. When you cleared your throat, it brought him back to reality.

 “Okay. We can do that. Where is it?”

 “On Cantina about fifteen minutes away.”

 You nodded and turned to your car. He held the door as you climbed into the driver’s seat.

 “See you there,” you said before he shut your door.

  ~~~~~~~~

He was there first. It was no surprise he was sure he blew two red lights on the way. When you walked in, it didn’t take any time at all for you to pick up right where you left off. Things were that easy. You ordered Tequila with pineapple juice, which just furthered his notion that you were this adventurous spitfire that he was sure would keep him on his toes.

 “So you split time between London and LA,” you guessed.

 “Pretty much, most of my time is in London, though. I have a flat there. I come here for meetings mainly; then, I’m back home.

 “Which do you prefer, here or there?”

 “Eck, tricky question. I’m here for work. It’s easier here for work, but London is closer to Jersey and my family. The weather is better here, but privacy is better in London for the most part. I feel more me in London.”

 “So you’re big on privacy.”

 He took a sip of his Gin and Tonic and nodded. “I haven’t had it any other way. I’m still lucky to retain most of my privacy. I've been spoiled,” he joked as he looked at you. “I take it that’s different for you.”

 You shrugged and finished your tequila then raised your hand for another. “Somewhat. I’m hounded by the paps wherever I go except Australia. I manage it well, it’s not too bad, but then again, I’ve had some time to adjust. It could very well be a hard pill to swallow for someone not accustomed to it,” you voiced.

 With every tequila shot, you had the more of your personality came out. You knocked them down back to back, further confirming everything he’d guessed earlier. After four shots, that was when your silliness came out and the curse words. While this side of you wasn’t too drastically different than the one at dinner, he did note that you had been holding back then.

 The two of you went back and forth, speaking different languages in full conversation, and it was the perfect way he’d want to spend any date. When he turned the conversation onto you knowing Gaelic, he admitted he hadn’t been one hundred percent successful with learning it and was at an abysmal forty-five percent you outright laughed at him. He suckered you into saying something, but when you spoke, he didn’t expect to be even more attracted to you because of it.

 He also didn’t expect to let his inner geek out when he confessed his love of ancient history, Egyptology, Greek, and Ancient Rome. And technology. He expected you to look at him like he was some alien when he told you that he enjoyed building computers and putting together small technical crafts, but you didn’t. Instead, you looked genuinely interested.

 After a few hours, you’d moved to a dark corner of the back, and both of you were visibly loser and were no longer holding your tongues.

 “So if curiosity kills the cat, I guess I’m dying tonight,” he began, leaning closer to you so you could hear him over the music. You smiled widely. “Did you look through my phone?”

 You snorted and laughed before you slapped your hands to your face covering it. That was all he needed. You brought your hands through your hair and tousled it.

 “How else was I to know whose phone it was?”

 He nodded and took another sip from his beer. “How much did you see?”

 “Well—not much,” you timidly began. That was when he eyed you. Your adorable “yikes” face had him snickering. “A few pictures, names on texts, a few contacts,” you confessed.

 He nodded and turned his body to yours. “Pictures?”

 “Don’t worry, I didn’t see any nudes,” you rushed out

 “I don’t have nudes.”

 “No, just suggestive nudes,” you countered.

 He smiled widely and nodded. The look on your face said you were embarrassed.

 “Bingo,” he shouted.

 “Yeah. I promise I saw nothing after that picture,” you assured.

 After he took a few gulps from his bottle, he shrugged. “Interesting, I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel more exposed than in my Superman leotard.”

 You laughed loudly bringing the eyes of the bar patrons to which you dropped your forehead on his arm, hiding your face. That had the two of you burst into a fit of laughter for the next few minutes.

 “How embarrassing,” he finished.

 “I really shouldn’t say this, but you have nothing to be embarrassed about. No big deal, right? You’re an actor, you’ve been in situations worse than this.”

 He nodded because it was true, but that paled in comparison to this.

 “Did you look through my phone?”

 With a smile, he nodded. “I did. I fought not to, but who was I kidding I couldn’t not look. One to find out whose phone it was, then curiosity got the better of me,” he fully divulged.

 As soon as he said it, you began laughing at him. He deserved it.

 “How much did you see?” He snapped his head forward and tried to keep a straight face.

 “That much, huh,” you guessed. “I don’t have nudes, so I’m safe there.”

 “Are you sure?”

 You looked to think for a few moments. He saw the terror in your eyes, and the moment you began to second guess what you had on your phone.

 “Some pictures, contacts, texts not the messages though just names,” he said, deciding to put you out of your misery.

 “I completely get that feeling now. While I have nothing to hide, I’m not shy in any way, shape, or form, but it feels strange to have someone see me naked without me wanting them to.”

 “I understand.”

 Your eyes met, and that was where they stayed for a long while, and still, it didn’t feel awkward.

 “Look at it this way. The mystery is off the table now and the uncertainty about seeing the other naked. Been there, done that,” he joked.

 Again, you laughed loudly, which had him laughing with you.

 “Interesting view.” When his straight face returned, your eyes met.

 The draw to you almost had him leaning in to you.

 “It’s late,” you quietly said.

 “It is,” he said before he finished his beer. “Can I walk you to your car?”

 You nodded, then the two of you made a move to leave with you settling the tab before he even reached for his card. When the bartender took your card, you winked at him. You were a keeper, he thought. Once you stepped outside, he saw your shiver.

 “Oooh, it got colder.” He took off his sweater and draped it around your shoulders, which brought your eyes to his.

 “Thank you.”

 “My pleasure.”

 You slowly walked to your car, so slowly you barely moved. It gave him all the time to think of something witty to say, something that wouldn’t come off weird. You made him nervous, and it was a task and a half to pretend as if you didn’t. When you stopped at the car and turned to him, your smile was soft.

 “Thank you for staying for a main course and a nightcap.” Your smile got wider.

 “I could still stand you,” you offered with a smile and a shrug.

 “Thank god, I had a lot riding on that.”

 You guffawed, “I bet.” Together you laughed, making him not want the night to end.

 You didn’t make a move to get into your car, and he wondered if you were waiting for him to make a move. He didn’t want to make a move, and you be offended. He watched you bite your bottom lip, and it was then he fully decided you were what I he wanted and that he would make you his. You dug in your clutch and held out his phone.

 “Before I forget and we do this whole thing again.”

 He took the device and scaled its weight in his hand. It felt foreign somehow.

 “Thank you,” he echoed as he held yours out to you. You didn’t hesitate taking it, but you didn’t unlock it and look through it. Instead, your eyes were right back on his.

 “Thank you.”

 “You’re welcome,” he added before you cleared your throat again and looked away.

 “You should hurry and text Francesca and Abby back, they seem to be getting anxious or desperate, you decide. An anxious or desperate woman is not a good thing for a man,” you advised as you opened your car door.

 “Get home safe.”

 “Will do,” you answered back once inside. “You do the same.”

 The draw was still there. He doubted it would go away any time soon.

 “Goodbye, Henry.”

 This one felt different than all the others. The others felt teasing. This one felt final. He didn’t like how it made him feel.

 “See you later, Aliya.

 He was not accepting this was the end. As he watched you pull out, he asserted, this was just the beginning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[dustedmagazine]

Dusted Mid-Year Round-Up: Part 2, Dr. Pete Larson to  Young Slo-Be

James Brandon Lewis

The mid-year exchange continues with the second half of the alphabet and another round of Dusted writers reviewing other people’s favorite records.  Today’s selection runs the gamut from Afro-beat to hip hop to experimental music and includes some of this year’s best jazz records.  Check out part one if you missed it yesterday.  

Dr. Pete Larson and His Cytotoxic Nyatiti Band — Damballah (Dagoretti Records)

Damballah by Dr. Pete Larson and his Cytotoxic Nyatiti Band

Who Picked it? Mason Jones

Did we review it? No, but Jennifer Kelly said about his previous record, “It’s authentic not to some musicological conception of what nyatiti music should sound like, but to the instincts and proclivities of the musicians involved.”

Bryon Hayes’ take:

Judging from Jenny’s review, Dr. Pete Larson hasn’t really changed his modus operandi much since last year’s self-titled release. Well, he has appeared to have dropped vocalist Kat Steih and drummer Tom Hohman, who aren’t credited with an appearance on Damballah. Sonically, this album feels more polished than its predecessor. There’s a richness that was lacking before, a sense of clarity that Larson seems to have added here. He still hypnotizes with his nyatiti but doesn’t lose himself behind the other players. That sense of mesmerizing repetition of short passages on the resonant lute-like instrument is what sets the music of the Cytotoxic Nyatiti Band apart from other rock groups who play in the psychedelic vein. It’s easy to get lost in the intricate plucking patterns as the guitars and synths swirl about. The rhythms bounce cleverly against those created by the percussion, anchoring the songs to solid ground. Balancing the airy and the earthy, Dr. Peter Larson and His Cytotoxic Nyatiti Band create a cosmic commotion perfect for contemplation. 

 James Brandon Lewis / Red Lily Quintet — Jesup Wagon (TAO Forms)

Jesup Wagon by James Brandon Lewis / Red Lily Quintet

Who recommended it? Derek Taylor

Did we review it? Yes, Derek said, “’Fallen Flowers’ and ‘Seer’ contain sections of almost telepathic convergence, the former and the closing ‘Chemurgy’ culminating in Lewis’ spoken words inculcating the import of his subject.” 

Tim Clarke’s take:

Tenor saxophonist and composer James Brandon Lewis demonstrates his control of the instrument in the opening moments of Jesup Wagon’s title track. Before his Red Lily Quintet bandmates join the fray, he alternates between hushed ululations and full-blooded honks, inviting the listener to lean in conspiratorially. Once the rest of the band fire up, cornet player Kirk Knuffke, bassist William Parker, cellist Chris Hoffman and drummer Chad Taylor lock into a loose, muscular shuffle. Their collective chemistry is immediately evident, and each player has the opportunity to shine across this diverse set’s 50-minute runtime. I’m particularly drawn to the rapid-fire rhythmic runs on “Lowlands of Sorrow,” the gorgeous cello on “Arachis,” and the spacious, mbira-laced “Seer.” There’s something about the mournful horn melody of the final piece, “Chemurgy,” that sends me back to first hearing Ornette Coleman’s “Lonely Woman” — and, just like that, I’m excited about the prospect of exploring jazz again, for the first time in a long time. Great pick, Derek.

 Roscoe Mitchell & Mike Reed — The Ritual And The Dance (Astral Spirits) 

the Ritual and the Dance by Roscoe Mitchell & Mike Reed

Who recommended it? Derek Taylor

Did we review it? Yes, Derek wrote, “Roscoe Mitchell remains an improvisational force to be reckoned with.”

Andrew Forell’s take:

For 17-plus minutes, Roscoe Mitchell solos on his soprano with barely a pause, the rush of notes powered by circular breathing, as drummer Mike Reed’s controlled clatter counterpoints Mitchell’s exploration of his instrument’s range and tonal qualities in what sounds like a summation of his long career at the outer edge of jazz. It‘s an extraordinary beginning to this performance, recorded live in 2015. On first listen it sounds chaotic, but shapes emerge in Mitchell’s sound, and Reed’s combination of density and silence complements, punctuates and supports in equal measure. After an incisive solo workout from Reed combining clanging metal and rolling toms, Mitchell swaps to tenor and the pace changes. Longer, slower notes, a rougher, reed heavy tone and a lighter touch from Reed. Having not closely followed Mitchell’s work since his days in The Art Ensemble Of Chicago, this performance was a revelation and will have me searching back through his catalog.     

The Notwist — Vertigo Days (Morr Music)

Vertigo Days by The Notwist

Who recommended it? Tim Clarke

Did we review it?  Yes, Tim said, “The Notwist really know how to structure a front-to-back listening experience, and this is emphatically a work of art best appreciated as a whole.”

Arthur Krumins’ take: 

In his review of Vertigo Days, Tim Clarke highlights the “multiple layers of drifting, shifting instrumentation.” It is an album that seems unbound by adherence to a set instrument lineup, and it moves quickly between moods both frenetic and contemplative. However, due to a careful mixing and an unforced approach to genre expectations, it is a surprising and varied listen that bears repeated scrutiny. The touchstones of the sound are at times the motorik beat of krautrock, at others the ethereal indie pop of their melodies and the quality of their singing. It feels like the perfect quirky coffee shop album, just out there enough to create a vibe, but tactful enough to take you along for the ride.

  Dorothea Paas — Anything Can’t Happen (Telephone Explosion)

Anything Can't Happen by Dorothea Paas

Who picked it? Arthur Krumins.

Did we review it? No. 

Eric McDowell’s take:

In one sense, it’s fair to say that Dorothea Paas’s debut album opens with a false start: A single note sounded and then retreated from, fingers sliding up and down the fretboard with the diffidence of a throat clearing. Yet what gesture could more perfectly introduce an album so marked by uncertainty, vulnerability, and naked self-assessment? 

If Anything Can’t Happen is an open wound, it’s a wound Paas willingly opens: “I’m not lonely now / Doing all the things I want to and working on my mind / Sorting through old thoughts.” That doesn’t make the pain any less real — though it does make it more complex. “It’s so hard to trust again / When you can’t even trust yourself,” Paas sings on the utterly compelling title track, her gaze aiming both inward and outward. Elsewhere she admits: “I long for a body closer to mine / But I don’t want to seek, I just want to find.” Instrumentally, Paas and her bandmates manage to temper an inclination toward static brooding with propulsive forward motion, a balance that suits the difficult truth — or better yet, difficult truce — the album arrives at in the climactic “Frozen Window”: “How can I open to love again, like a plant searches for light through a frozen window? / Can I be loved, or is it all about control? / I will never know until I start again.” In the spirit of starting again, Anything Can’t Happen ends with a doubling down on the opening prelude, reprising and extending it — no false start to be found. 

 Dominic Pifarely Quartet — Nocturnes (Clean Feed) 

Nocturnes by Dominique Pifarély Quartet

Who recommended it? Jason Bivins

Did we review it? No 

Derek Taylor’s take: 

Pifarely and I actually go way back in my listening life, specifically to Acoustic Quartet, an album the French violinist made for ECM as a co-leader with countryman clarinetist Louis Sclavis in 1994. Thirty-something at the time, his vehicle for that venture was an improvising chamber ensemble merging classical instrumentation and extended techniques with jazz and folk derived influences. The results, playful and often exhilaratingly acrobatic, benefited greatly from austere ECM house acoustics. Nearly three decades distant, Nocturnes is a different creature, delicate and darker hued in plumage and less enamored of melody, harmony and rhythm, at least along conventional measures. Drones and other textures are regular elements of the interplay between the leader’s strings, the piano of Antonin Rayon and the sparse braiding and shadings of bassist Bruno Chevillon and drummer Francois Merville. Duos also determine direction, particular on the series of titular miniatures that are as much about space as they are centered in sound. It’s delightful to get reacquainted after so much time apart.  

The Reds Pinks & Purples — Uncommon Weather (Slumberland/Tough Love)

Uncommon Weather by The Reds, Pinks & Purples

Who picked it? Jennifer Kelly

Did we review it? Yes, Jennifer said, “Uncommon Weather is undoubtedly the best of the Reds, Pinks & Purples discs so far, an album that is damned near perfect without seeming to try very hard.”   

Bill Meyer’s take:

Sometimes a record hits you where you live. Glenn Donaldson’s too polite to do you any harm, but he not only knows where you live, he knows your twin homes away from home, the record store and the club where you measure your night by how many bands’ sets separate you from last call. He knows the gushing merch-table mooches and the old crushes that casually bring the regulars down, and he also knows how to make records just like the ones that these folks have been listening to since they started making dubious choices. Uncommon Weather sounds like a deeply skilled recreation of early, less chops-heavy Bats, and if that description makes sense to you, so will this record.

 claire rousay — A Softer Focus (American Dreams Records)

a softer focus by Claire Rousay

Who picked it? Bryon Hayes  

Did we review it? Yes, Bryon Hayes wrote, “These field recordings of the mundane, when coupled with the radiance of the musical elements, are magical.”  

Ian Mathers’ take:  

In a weird way (because they are very different works from very different artists), A Softer Focus reminds me a bit of Robert Ashley’s Private Parts (The Album). Both feel like the products of deep focus and concentration but wear their rigor loosely, and both feel like beautifully futile attempts to capture or convey the rich messiness of human experience. But although there is a musicality to Private Parts, Ashley is almost obsessed by language and language acts, and even though the human voice is more present than ever in rousay’s work (not just sampled or field recorded, but outright albeit technologically smeared singing on a few tracks) it feels like it reaches to a place in that experience beyond words. The first few times I played it I had moments where I was no longer sure exactly what part of what I was hearing were coming from my speakers versus from outside my apartment, and as beautiful as the more conventional ambient/drone aspects of A Softer Focus are (including the cello and violin heard throughout), it’s that kind of intoxicating disorientation, of almost feeling like I’m experiencing someone else’s memory, that’s going to stay with me the longest. 

 M. Sage — The Wind Of Things (Geographic North)

The Wind of Things by M. Sage

Who recommended it? Bryon Hayes

Did we review it? No

Bill Meyer’s take:

Matthew Sage’s hybrid music gets labeled as ambient by default. Sure, it’s gentle enough to be ignorable, but Sage’s combination of ruminative acoustic playing (mostly piano and guitar, with occasional seasoning from reeds, violin, banjo, and percussion) and memory-laden field recordings feels so personal that it’s hard to believe he’d really be satisfied with anyone treating this stuff as background music. But that combination of the placid and the personal may also be The Wind of Things’ undoing since it’s a bit too airy and undemonstrative to make an impression.

 Skee Mask — Pool (Ilian Tape)

ITLP09 Skee Mask - Pool by Skee Mask

Who picked it? Patrick Masterson

Did we review it? No 

Robert Ham’s take:

Pool is an appropriate title for the new album by Munich electronic artist Bryan Müller. The record is huge and deep, with its 18 tracks clocking in at around 103 minutes. And Müller has pointedly only released the digital version of Pool through Bandcamp, adding it a little hurdle to fans who just want to pick and choose from its wares for their playlists. Dipping one’s toes in is an option, but the only way to truly appreciate the full effect is to dive on in. 

Though Müller filled Pool up with around five years’ worth of material, the album plays like the result of great deliberation. It flows with the thoughtfulness and intention of an adventurous DJ set, with furious breakbeat explosions like “Breathing Method” making way for the languorous ambient track “Ozone” and the unbound “Rio Dub.” Then, without warning, the drum ‘n’ bass breaks kick in for a while. 

The full album delights in those quick shifts into new genres or wild seemingly disparate sonic connections happening within the span of a single song. But again, these decisions don’t sound like they were made carelessly. Müller took some time with this one to get the track list just right. But if there is one thread that runs along the entirety of Pool, it is the air of joy that cuts through even its downcast moments. The splashing playfulness is refreshing and inviting.

 Speaker Music — Soul-Making Theodicy (Planet Mu)

Soul-Making Theodicy by Speaker Music

Who picked it? Mason Jones

Did we review it? No 

Robert Ham’s take:

The process by which DeForrest Brown Jr., the artist known as Speaker Music, created his latest EP sounds almost as exciting as the finished music. If I understand it correctly — and I’m not entirely sure that I do — he created rhythm tracks using haptic synths, a Push sequencer, and a MIDI keyboard, that he sent through Ableton and performed essentially a live set of abstract beats informed by free jazz, trap and marching band. Or as Brown calls them “stereophonic paintings.” 

Whatever term you care to apply to these tracks and however they were made, the experience of listening to them is a dizzying one. A cosmic high that takes over the synapses and vibrates them until your vision becomes blurry and your word starts to smear together like fog on a windshield. Listening to this EP on headphones makes the experience more vertiginous if, like I did, you try to unearth the details and sounds buried within the centerpiece track “Rhythmatic Music For Speakers,” a 33-minute symphony of footwork stuttering and polyrhythms. Is that the sound of an audience responding to this sensory overload that I hear underneath it all? Or is that wishful imaginings coming from a mind hungry for the live music experience? 

 The Telescopes — Songs of Love And Revolution (Tapete) 

Songs Of Love And Revolution by the telescopes

Who recommended it? Robert Ham

Did we review it? No. 

Andrew Forell’s take:

Songs Of Love And Revolution glides along on murky subterranean rhythms that evoke Mo Tucker’s heartbeat toms backed with thick bowel-shaking bass lines. Somewhere in the murk Stephen Lawrie’s murmured vocals barely surface as he wrings squalls of noise from his guitar to create a dissonant turmoil to contrast the familiarity of what lies beneath. The effect is at once hypnotic and joltingly thrilling, similar to hearing Jesus And Mary Chain for the first time but played a at pace closer to Bedhead. A kind of slowcore shoegaze, its mystery enhanced by what seems deliberately monochrome production that forces and rewards close attention. When they really let go on “We See Magic And We Are Neutral, Unnecessary” it hits like The Birthday Party wrestling The Stooges. So yeah, pretty damn good.

 Leon Vynehall — Rare, Forever (Ninja Tune)

Rare, Forever by LEON VYNEHALL

Who recommended it? Patrick Masterson

Did we review it? No. 

Jason Bivins’ take: 

I was amused to see Leon Vynehall’s album tucked into the expansive “Unknown genre” non-category. This is, as is often the case with these mid-year exchanges, a bit far afield from the kind of music I usually spin. Much of it is, I suppose, rooted in house music. Throughout these tracks, there are indeed some slinky beats that’ll get you nodding your head while prepping the dinner or while studying in earnest. There’s plenty to appreciate on the level of grooves and patterns, but he closer you listen, the more subversive, sneaky details you notice. The opening “Ecce! Ego!” isn’t quite as brash as the title would suggest, featuring some playfully morphed voices, old school synth patches and snatches of instrumentalism. But after just a couple minutes, vast cosmic sounds start careening around your brainpan while a metal bar drops somewhere in the audial space. Did that just happen? you wonder as the groove continues. Moments of curiosity and even discomfort are plopped down, sometimes as transitions (like the closing vocal announcement on “In>Pin” — “like a moth” — that introduces the echo-canyon of “Mothra”) but usually as head-scrambling curveballs. Startled voices or flutes or subterranean sax bubble up from beneath deep house thrum, then are gone in ways that are arresting and deceptive. I still don’t know what to make of the lounge-y closing to “Snakeskin – Has-Been” or the unexpected drone monolith of “Farewell! Magnus Gabbro.” In its way, Vynehall’s music is almost like what you’d get if Graham Lambkin or Jason Lescalleet made a house record. Pretty rich stuff.

 Michael Winter — single track (Another Timbre)

single track by Michael Winter

Who recommended it? Eric McDowell 

Did we review it? Not yet! 

Mason Jones’ take: 

Over its 45 minutes, Michael Winter’s 2015 composition slowly accelerates and accumulates, starting from an isolated violin playing slightly arrhythmic, single fast strokes. The playing, centered around a single root note, seems almost random, but flashes of melodic clusters make it clear they're not. After nine minutes other players have joined in and there's a developing drone, as things sort of devolve, with atonal combinations building. By the one-third mark everything has slowed down significantly, and the players are blending together, with fewer melodies standing out. Instead, it's almost more drone than not; and at a half hour in, most of the strings have been reduced to slowly changing tones. As we near the end we’re hearing beautiful layers of string drones, descending into the final few minutes of nearly static notes. It's an intriguing and oddly listenable composition given its atonality. The early moments bring to mind Michael Nyman, and the later movements summon thoughts of Tony Conrad and La Monte Young, but it's clearly different from any of them, and more than the sum of those parts.

 Young Slo-Be — Red Mamba (KoldGreedy Entertainment / Thizzler On The Roof)

Who picked it? Ray Garraty 

Did we review it? No. 

Ian Mathers’ take: 

The 12 tracks on Red Mamba fly by in a little over 27 minutes (not a one breaks the three-minute mark) but the result doesn’t feel slight so much as pared down to a sharpness you might cut yourself on. Stockon’s Young Slo-Be only seems to have one flow (or maybe it’d be more accurate to say he only seems interested in one) but he knows how to wield it with precision and force, and if the subject matter hews closely to the accepted canon of gangbanger concerns, Slo-Be delivers it all with vivid language and the studied, superior disdain of an older brother explaining the world to you and busting your chops at the same time. The tracks on Red Mamba all come from different producers, but Slo-Be consistently chooses spectral, eerie, foreboding backgrounds for these songs, even when adding piano and church bells (on “Asshole”), dog barks (“21 Thoughts”) or even Godfather-esque strings (the closing “Rico Swavo”). What’s the old line about the strength of street knowledge? These are different streets, and different knowledge.

[taylizmasterpost]

TayLiz Returns (August 2011 - January 2012)

Now, Taylor’s music suggests her and Liz got back together and broke up a bunch of times. It’s kind of hard to pinpoint that exactly, since they’re on tour together constantly and can’t really have a break from each other that would be discernable by an outside source such as myself. However, this is the time for it! Time for mess! Time for fun!

9 August 2011 - Speak Now in Chicago. Taylor covers Sugar, We’re Going Down by Fall Out Boy:

The lyrics that stand out here to me are:

Is this more than you bargained for, yet? Oh don’t mind me, I’m watching you two from the closet Wishing to be the friction in your jeans Isn’t it messed up how I’m just dying to be him? I’m just a notch in your bedpost But you’re just a line in a song

Of course, once again. Taylor could just like the song. But I think it’s interesting.

10 August 2011 - Speak Now in Chicago night 2. Taylor covers I Want You to Want Me:

This one is REALLY INTERESTING in the wake of Liz’s breakup. Some choice lyrics:

I want you to want me I need you to need me I’d love you to love me I’m begging you to beg me

Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying? Feeling all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying

So does Taylor want her back? Or does she just like the song? Could go either way.

16 August 2011 - Taylor goes on a Girls Trip to Charleston with Liz, Caitlin, and a few other friends. Now, in a birthday post years down the line, Liz would reveal that Taylor specifically planned this trip because Liz was having a good time (We’ll get there in Late-Stage TayLiz). This feels like healing breakup blues to me.

While there, Liz tweets about possibly sharing a bed with Taylor again:

Taylor takes some great black and white photos of everyone that will show up in a later photo blog and Liz tweets about how much she loves retro photographer Taylor:

18 August 2011 - End of Charleston trip. 

Liz tweets about Taylor healing her heartbreak blues:

That night is Speak Now in Alberta. Arm lyrics: “Find the Grace in the things you can’t change, and help somebody if you can.” Taylor covers Complicated by Carolyn Dawn Johnson:

Choice lyrics, you know the drill:

I’m so scared that the way I feel is written all over my face We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do But now a smile and a touch of your hand makes me come unglued

I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay

Another friend tells me that my name is always on your lips They say I’m more than just a friend, they say I must be blind Well, I’ll admit I’ve seen you watch me from the corner of your eye

What an utterly appropriate post-Charleston trip song.

19 August 2011 - Speak Now in Alberta. Arm lyrics: “Hey brother, we’re all learning to love again.” – Mat Kearny’s Learning To Love Again.

22 August 2011 - Taylor posts “The Charleston Photo blog” on MySpace, featuring pictures from the Charleston trip:

So, clearly, they had a good time.

23 August 2011 - Liz quote tweets Taylor about the Charleston photo blog:

27 August 2011 - Speak Now in LA. Taylor covers Bette Davis Eyes:

Now, not only is this an EXTREMELY GAY COVER considering it’s about how beautiful a woman is, but Bette/Betty is a popular nickname for Elizabeth. And just look at the lyrics:

And she’ll tease you And unease you All the better, just to please you She’s precocious And she knows just What it takes to make a pro blush

IS THIS NOT EXACTLY WHAT’S BEEN HAPPENING EVERY NIGHT DURING BETTER THAN REVENGE? TEASING? UNEASING? MAKING A PRO BLUSH??? Hmm, Taylor, what an interesting choice of a cover in the wake of the Charleston Trip...

It’s worth noting that Liz also grew up in the LA area, making this even more special if it is about Liz.

5 September 2011 - Taylor and Dianna Agron meet for the first time at the Fairfax Flea Market after being introduced by mutual friend, Ashley, who was working for Dianna’s hairstylist at the time. Dianna had lowkey outed herself that summer with #Shirtgate and considering all the mess going on with Liz, it’s possible Ashley (among Taylor’s other friends) were looking to introduce her to someone else.

8 September 2011 - Taylor diaries about writing Red the previous day and then recording it:

In a later interview, Taylor described Red like this:

“So this is a song that I wrote about the kind of relationship that is both the best thing and the worst thing at the same time and that’s why you can’t forget about it. It’s called Red.”

So, I have a two big theories about Taylor writing and recording Red at this point in the timeline:

1) TayLiz have IMMEDIATELY broken up again after the Charleston trip, and that’s why a mutual friend decided to introduce Taylor to Dianna.

2) Taylor and Liz are about to get back together again, and Taylor writes Red as a way of looking back on what she had with Liz back in 2009 before diving into a relationship with her again.

I’m leaning towards 2, but 1 could be true too. Who knows?

13 September 2011 - Rodarte show at NY Fashion Week. Taylor is interviewed by Vogue while there. She says there’s “just been this earth-shattering, not recent, but absolute crash and burn heartbreak” and that that’s what the next album is about. This really makes me think TayLiz breaks up IMMEDIATELY again after Charleston.

Taylor also gives these four things she’s learned about love and life recently:

Number two and four read like Jake shade to me.

16 September 2011 - Speak Now in Nashville. Taylor brings out Hayley as a special guest, they sing “That’s What You Get.” Hayley would later say she was surprised Taylor didn’t ask for Misery Business as That’s What You Get wasn’t one of their more popular songs at the time. (Keep in mind this is the song TayLiz jammed to years ago at the Paramore concert):

This song makes me think there’s a lot of back and forth happening between TayLiz right now if we look at it lyrically. However, things could be great in TayLiz land and Taylor just chose to perform this song because she knew Liz liked it.

19 September 2011 - Liz performs Jenny Turn Around with Tyler Hilton after Speak Now in Nashville. Tyler tells a story about how he went to the TS concert just before and Taylor had said that her and Liz both really love this song.

29 September 2011 - Liz tweets about crying to the song “The Heart Won’t Lie” by Vince Gill.

And thus, the back and forth continues.

16 October 2011 - Taylor recommends Liz’s YouTube channel and she gets an influx of subscribers:

30 October 2011 - Taylor diaries about being sick on tour, getting Meredith, and having written two songs in the last few days:

This usually signifies there’s a lot going on for her emotionally, although it’s hard to tell what since we don’t know which songs these are. (My best guess might be Treacherous??)

31 October 2011 - Liz tweets about getting married. 

Taylor posts a photo of her, Liz, and Caitlin on Instagram:

8 November 2011 - TayLiz have a “soul feeding time” together:

9 November 2011 -  Taylor posts a wedding dress train picture to IG with the caption “Dress train…”

12 November 2011 - TayLiz flirt more onstage during BTR:

18 November 2011 - Speak Now in Columbia South Carolina. Arm Lyrics: “Where would we be today, if I never drove that car away?” These are from the song “Don’t Think About It” by Darius Rucker. The lines before this go:

When we make choices we got to live with them Heard you found a real good man and you married him I wonder if sometimes I cross your mind Where would we be today If I never drove that car away?

To me, this plus the dress train pictures reads as Taylor’s reaction to Emily getting married the following day.

19 November 2011 - Emily gets married.  TayLiz are papped leaving a restaurant in London:

27 November 2011 - CMT Awards in Nashville. Taylor arrives with Liz and others.

1 December 2011 - Taylor shoots her vogue cover where she cuts her bangs at the Bowery Hotel. Her band (including Liz) comes to support her and her and Liz take a photo with their matching hair:

13 December 2011 - Taylor’s birthday. She’s recording something in the studio and posts a photo to tease the Red album (presumably she’s already titled it at this point).

Here are some pictures from the party:

22 December 2011 - Safe and Sound is released. TayLiz both tweet about it:

Taylor also posts about it on IG:

IN CONCLUSION: After Taylor pursuing her all summer, and Liz’s breakup with Jason, TayLiz took off again. They (maybe) shared a bed during Charleston, and Taylor certainly seems to have covered Bette Davis Eyes with her in mind. Their relationship is a little less obvious than they were in 2009, but that makes sense, considering the way Taylor has skyrocketed in popularity since then. Of course, they still are going to have some problems...

TayLiz Breaks Down (January 2012 - March 2012)

[oneweekoneband]

her Nebraska (1982)

In July I flew to Massachusetts with a plague on, and I felt that it was wrong, but my mother had begged and I’d been out of work for months. Mornings there I ran in long, uneven ovals on the same roads I’d memorized in high school. There’s no sidewalks, but the few feet of dirt between the craggy pavement and the open mouths of the fields serve all right for a single body in motion. When a truck comes up close from behind, the ground shakes, and I step away bouncingly from the street toward thigh-high yellow weeds and grass, and keep going. I was slowly picking my way back in that dirt, sweat-slick from only a plodding couple of miles in peak summer heat, and sucking the wet cotton of my mask in between my teeth on every inhale, when Taylor Swift announced she was releasing a surprise album produced by the guy from The National. Not the guy from The National, like, the voice, but the guy from The National whose photo was circulated on Twitter earlier this year as some kind of antifa super soldier, which isn’t the case, but would’ve been rad. First, I stopped dead to send some outraged, misspelled text messages, and then I ran home faster than I’d moved in years.

Tall, blonde, patrician pop star Taylor Swift is to me something like a cross-between a wife and a boogeyman. Bound we’ve been since we were really children. Time and its changes haven’t rid me of her, and what’s worse is I have never quite been able to wish they would, though I claim as much all the time. Countless hours of my one wild and precious life have been spent on endlessly analyzing the minutiae of Taylor Swift’s music, the mind that made it, the real world events which influenced it. And though all the while I have known she is only a person, and that people, while each strange and lovely in their own ways, are, in the end, mostly dull, needful in just the regular manner, the fantasy is better, the sick dream of a megalomaniac songstress, curious, thrilling, probably evil, and I choose that. I don’t know Taylor Alison Swift, born to this world in, I presume, the usual way. But my Taylor Swift? I’m a renowned expert. I’ve always eaten up stories—movies, music, celebrity news, the one my grandfather tells about falling off his bike once in Ireland as a boy and his face “cracking open like an egg”—like a starved dog. I’m obsessive about my interests, but not inclined to intense fandom, and certainly not fandom in the mode of the stan. For one, I’m too self-absorbed. But caring intensely for a famous person is falling in love with a ghost, and that’s all right—I mean, what the hell? We’re here together just dying... Let’s enjoy—but is an affair best undertaken with the knowledge that everyone alive has their own complex interiority, as unruly as your own, and that you, a stranger, are not in any real way connected to the lawless, blurry middle of that celebrity, and will never be. It’s freeing and fun to know this. I mean, these people are basically in your employ. Glamorous dollhouse dwellers. Acknowledging that uncrossable distance allows for a different, healthier closeness of pure imagination. My feelings, then, can comfortably be at once both fiercely intense and entirely silly. I am a foremost scholar in the art of the Taylor Swift who exists in my head. The real person raised in Pennsylvania I don’t know at all. I have some conjectures on the matter, and, as with all my conjectures, every hackneyed theory, each picky little opinion, I’m sure they’re perfect, brilliant, just absolutely right, but that’s still all they are. Taylor Swift, figure of the cultural imagination, is the Jodie Comer to my Sandra Oh in Killing Eve, annoying and pretty in frills, taunting me endlessly and holding us trapped together in a dance of most enchanting death. But the real Taylor Swift has favorite bed sheets and a social security number and a British boyfriend, none of which I have any desire to know about, and if I saw her at a restaurant I’d politely avert my eyes before, yes, dive-bombing the group text. There’s nobody on Earth I’d stand in line to speak to, but then I’ve been speaking to a certain figment of Taylor Swift for nearly half my life.

I went to a Taylor Swift concert the night before I moved into college in 2009. My father’s work friend, firefighter by day, near professional gambler by night, got comped tickets to the Fearless Tour stop taking place at the nearby casino, and he let me have them as a reward, mainly, for happening to be seventeen. Live in-person and performed acoustically, “Fifteen” made me cry. A few years after that, in the thick, sticky part of my first post-college summer, I wrote approximately twenty-three million words about her in these very pages.  (”Pages”) At that point, Taylor’s most recent release was 2012’s Red, and the work I produced that long ago July about Taylor and her career, writing I was fairly pleased with at the time, feels now, besides just being extremely clearly written by a twenty-one year old, strange to me for the way it favors the sweet over the sour almost uniformly. There is a wholesome kind of ardor in that writing which maybe I’ve outgrown the ability to hold. Or maybe Taylor just proceeded to spend the next half a decade plus releasing one bad single after another, and it was taste—and trespasses against taste—and not some shift in my nature which altered the tenor of our bond. I have real love for my particular image, gleaned from public statements and published art, of smart, bizarre famous woman Taylor Swift, and I admire the bulk of her output very much. I’m just no longer so inclined to fawn. This is not to say I am here to offer a Taylor Swift hate screed. I couldn’t swing it, and, anyway, I’m not a pop feminist-for-hire circa 2010. But we’re older now. Things are different. At twenty-eight, twenty-nine this month—Taylor will, also this December, turn thirty-one—I regard Taylor Swift warily, like an ex with whom you have a tentative friendship, perpetually on the brink of falling one way or the other into hatred or delight, only to wobble back the opposite direction again at the slightest provocation, but still, despite best efforts, even, I regard her all the time. 

folklore was released at midnight on July 24th 2020, but I was at a cabin in rural Vermont without Internet or cell service. I drank Bud Light seltzers with my mother while watching the eerie pandemic return of Major League Baseball, and when I got into a strange bed there I stewed, knowing there were people out in the world all over who were hearing Taylor Swift songs I never had, and that this was a fundamental wrong, a disruption in the balance of the universe. I listened to it the next morning in a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot. 

And folklore is great. That’s the terrible thing. Slightly less great, maybe, than some people have insisted, tricked, I think, by just the pronounced shift in sound. But it’s great. A little gift I asked for a thousand times and was still surprised to get, like a wife who didn’t expect her henpecked husband to ever follow through and buy the paraffin wax hand bath as-see-on-TV. For years, I’ve been halfheartedly insisting that Taylor had a great album in her. I’d say it even, perhaps especially, while she stubbornly fed me gruel. Or worse, gruel with the occasional whiff of something better. With a ripe, little raspberry dropped into the slop. The bright, villainous thrill of “Getaway Car” made me believe Taylor, my Taylor, was in there somewhere under the lacquer of sequins and synth, which, while not objectionable by default, seemed a costume, and an ill-fitting one. The lived-in world of “Cornelia Street” made those old scars sting. That gay “Delicate” video. When she did “Call It What You Want” on SNL and played guitar while wearing an ugly sweater. If the abominable “ME!”, lead single off Lover, was the stick, 1989’s “Clean” was the carrot. I was Charlie Brown, and Taylor my Lucy, yanking the football back again and again. Over drinks I still yelled that Taylor Swift’s next album would be, “her Nebraska”, referring to my favorite Bruce Springsteen record, and learned to live with that egg on my face for good. I suppose I even came to like it. There was something inherently funny in taking up, like, “blind faith in the as of yet untapped greater artistic potential of massively wealthy and popular singer Taylor Swift” as my totally inane personal cause du jour, and eventually it was a bit, a gag I performed to be obstinate and didactic, but way down somewhere awful near my kidneys I meant it the whole while. And then she did it. A pandemic befell the world and amid a sea of human suffering Taylor Swift remembered she can write. She wrote, and with a massive, crucial assist from Aaron Dessner, whose music on this record is sometimes so beautiful it actually angers me, as the last thing I needed in already perilous times was to be made to try and marry my uniquely perverse emotional responses to beloved divorced dad band The National and fucking Taylor Swift,  she made an album which, if not her Nebraska, per se (I’ve come to realize that a major part of believing Taylor Swift will one day make an album I find as quietly devastating and gorgeous as Nebraska is knowing that no album will ever actually be Her Nebraska... That each will, rather, to me, be more and more evidence that it’s coming still, more proof that the limit is untouched, on and on ad infinitum, or at least until the seas take us into a place of salty peace.) is a shocking credit to all my hard-fought and deluded confidence. folklore is great. This fact has made me feel almost equally as disoriented from my understanding of the world as the time-melting COVID-19 lockdowns have, and it turned my Spotify year in review annual collective AI humiliation kink thing into a glaring indictment of my mental state, but still, I mean... It’s great.

In talking about folklore a bit this week, there are a number of specific topics I intend to cover—what a thrill it is to hear Taylor say “fuck”; Taylor’s terrifying birth chart; the astoundingly perfect bridge of “the last great american dynasty”; “because my ass is located at the back of my body”; the bit in last year’s “Lover” where deranged WASP Taylor Swift implies that to “leave the Christmas lights up til January” is some signifier of being a love-struck bohemian, when actually everyone who doesn’t employ domestic staff to take their lights down does this; how reputation is the best of the Taylor Swift records released in the latter half of the 2010s, actually, and the people who can’t see that are cowards—but intend mostly to let the muse move me where she will. Against the advice of my better angels, she—that tie-in marketing eldritch terror—always does.

[pixie88]

Meeting the Parents pt1

Chapter 11 - Always the Bridesmaid.

A/N: I’ve had this chapter in my draft for a few days now after the last chapter everything seemed to flow so well now I have 4 other chapters in my drafts eeekkk! But I will slowly release them because, some of the story lines in a couple of the chapters I’m not sure I’m going to stick with just yet. I hope you like it.

If you would like to be ADDED or REMOVED just let me know!

Read previous chapters HERE!

Warnings: Fluff & Light NSFW

Word Count: 2052

Pairings: Laila x Harry

Enjoy!

Ever since they saw Gemma he had been quiet, Laila wondered if maybe he wasn't over her? Or was it because he felt awkward he had called her his girlfriend? He had even turned her down to take a shower with him. He wanders into the kitchen where she's cooking, she too lost in thought to notice him come in.

"Laila?" He made her jump, "Sorry I was away with the fairies" she weakly smiles at him "Nice shower?" She tries to sound neutral "Yeah, thanks. Do you need any help in here?" Talking to him feels awkward it has never felt awkward not even when they were first dating she has to ask.

"Harry, what's wrong?" He's shocked she had pick up on his mood "Nothing," he shook his head, "You've been off since we saw Gem? So many things are going around in my head right now"

"Like what?" He asks "Like are you being off because you still have feelings for her?" He's shocked, he grasps her shoulder "No! No, I don't those feelings are dead and buried a long time ago! I love you!"

"Then why are you being so weird?" He sighs "Laila, I want to tell you I do.." she rolls her eyes "But you can't...Harry if you can't tell me what's wrong or why you're being so off I don't think we should meet each others parents...I'm sorry I can't sit there and pretend everything is OK when it's clearly not!"

He knows this is a big step in their relationship "I'm worried if I do I'll lose you," she let out a soft laugh "If what I told you about Josh didn't scare you away, then nothing will scare me away. I'm like chewing gum in your hair annoying and you can't get it out!" He chuckles "The thing is I'm not even a hundred percent myself"

"Is it because you called me your girlfriend? Do you wishing you could take it back?" He had forgotten about that, she's smirking at him "I don't want to take it back" he smiles at her "But you haven't asked me!" She laughs.

"Maybe I should tell you what's been bothering me before I ask you....Gemma and I split a little over a year and a half, after I found out she had been cheating on me with one of my clients. Today was the first time I saw her since we split up, when I asked her about the kid I did the calculations. Laila, I could have a son"

Laila is a bit thrown, but then she remembers what her brother Nate went through. He turns away from her "Harry?" She reaches for his arm, turning him towards her. This is the part where she ends things...or so he thought!

"Harry, will you be my boyfriend?" This was the last thing he thought she'd ask considering what he had just told her. He looks at her confused expect her to laugh, saying she was joking, but she doesn't "What?" He asks not quite believing he heard her.

"Harry Taylor, will you be my boyfriend?" She asks again "But..I just...Laila.." she cuts him off "Harry stop! Answer the question!" He can't believe he can be this lucky "I would love nothing more! This isn't a joke is it?"

She laughs, "Of course not! You told me what was bothering and whether you have a son or not I love you and having a child isn't going to change those feelings. Plus, how can I get angry over something you clearly knew nothing about! I understand my brother Nathan went through the same kinda thing he had a baby at 16 with his then girlfriend, she moved away and never told him. She was a bit of a psycho he didn't find out until she was 2 years old. We will do this together!"

His arms wrap around her as his lips capture hers, he pulls away just a little "You know you are amazing right!" She laughs "You're only just realising this! Why did I get myself a boyfriend that is so slow on the uptake" she jokes. He laughs, "Harry all I know you can't change the past, but you can improve the future. All we can do now is find out the truth and go from there"

He really can't believe this girl..Others would have run a mile or thrown a paddy, but she didn't? He guessed that's the difference between dating a woman rather than a girl. He picks her up, throwing her over his shoulder "Harry!! The dinner!!" She squealed, he turned back to the hob turning off the heated ring before making his way to her bedroom, slapping her cheek as she playfully protests.

Buzzzzz, buzzzzzzzz, buzzzzzzzzzzzz!

"HARRY!" Laila giggles as he tries to pull her back to bed while she is redressing and making a run for the door. Her parents are early they always were no matter where they went. "Hello?" She picks up the intercom "I'll buzz you up," she says as she's pulling on her underwear. Her skirt gets tucked into her lacy underwear revealing her ass cheek which has an teeth mark impression.

He smirks as he untucks her skirt he gently taps her cheek, She smirks at him as she opens the front door of the flat while smoothing over her hair. Liz walks through the door and Terry is close behind her "Mum, Dad! Hi!" Liz pulls her in for a hug before letting go "Harry, nice to see you again!" he shook her hand "Thanks, nice to see you again and you Terry"

"Like wise!" Terry nods at him, Laila secretly laughs inside, Terry was exactly the same with Josh. "Come in, would you like a drink?" Both her parents nod, Harry helps her. They take a seat at the table, "Harry, you're a personal trainer right?" Terry asks.

"Yeah, I am" Terry smiles "So, any tips on how to get rid of this beer gut?"

"I get book you in for some sessions with me...only if you want to?" Under the table, he grips Laila's hand he's nervous, his hands are sweaty. She runs her thumb over his knuckles which instantly calms him down.

"How much are these sessions?" Terry seems interested. "Erm..normally £65 a session, but I'm sure I can sort out a discount"

"Don't you think I can afford the going rate?" Terry hisses making Harry stumble on his words. When Harry isn't looking Terry winks at his daughter letting her know he's joking.

"Erm...no...I didn't mean to insult you..sorry I...think"

Terry chuckles "I'm just messing with ya! Look I'm not one of those dad's who's hard on their kids partners. I can see you make her happy and with what she's gone through in the past I'm glad she's found someone to make her sparkle again! But I will say one thing....I'm nice until you mess her about that's when you need to run!"

A bell rings from the kitchen telling Laila the dinner is ready, Harry automatically gets up to help her. "He's trained" Liz laughs, Laila tuts at her mum.

In the kitchen, Harry lets out a breath "Your dad had me then!" She laughs, "He's like that with everyone. He's friends with anyone until they cross him!"

"What will he think if he knew the truth about Gemma?" He looks worried.

"He'll be fine, if anything he'll feel sorry for you! Like I said my brother Nate didn't know he had a kid until Zeppy was nearly 2 years old! Now stop fretting until we know for sure and help me take these out"

She hands him a couple of plates.

After dinner Liz helps Harry take out the plates, leaving Laila and Terry at the table, "He seems like a nice guy, sweetie!" She's relieved he approves "He is!" Terry can see right through his daughter even when she's trying to hide it "I sense a but?"

She can't lie to her dad, he will know she's lying straight away. She looks round to the kitchen door where she can hear them loading the dishwasher.

"Laila, what is it?"

"You can't tell mum! He thinks he might be a dad"

Terry immediately looks to his daughters tummy "Not with me! We bumped into his ex today. She had a little boy with her and Harry did the sums he could be his son. I'm fine with it, but am I ready to be step mum to a kid who's if he is the dad I've been dating for only 2 months?"

Terry sighs, "Laila, if I was having this, talk with your brothers, I would tell them to run a mile, but that's only because they aren't mature enough to bring up another person's child. But you, well you have a good head on your shoulders, you love him, right?" She nods "Well, I think you will surprise yourself how well you take to it. Plus nothing set in stone yet. So, don't throw away something good for something that might be!"

"Who's ready for dessert?" Harry calls out as he comes into the dining room with his homemade cheesecake.

Terry winks at his daughter, she knows he's right...he always is.

"So how long have you two been dating?" Liz asks the pair.

"Well, he stalked me at work, then stole a business card after the stag weekend"

"Determination! That's what I like to see!" Terry jokes.

"See told you it wasn't stalking!" Harry bumps his shoulder with hers, she rolled her eyes at him.

"Terry stalked me! I had bumped into him at the local corner shop where we lived, I was in my school uniform 16 at the time, he was 18. We got talking then the following day he was outside my school ready to walk me home. Unbeknown to him I only lived 2 streets!" Liz laughs.

"Hey, they say chivalry is dead now a days. So, count yourself lucky" Terry jokes.

"Not completely dead" Laila winks at Harry, who blushes "This one wouldn't let me get the tube alone...twice!"

Liz coos from across the table "I've told you about that too! So, thanks Harry!" Terry tuts at his daughter.

Harry smirks at her "We'll have to have everyone round for dinner so you can officially meet the rest of the family!" Liz saying excited.

"Yes, her 3 older brothers" Harry smiles awkwardly.

"I'll have a word with them, so they lay off you," Terry winks, Harry had his full approval "Do you any siblings?"

Harry nods "3 older brothers and a younger sister. Laila has already met one brother and my sister"

She laughs remembering Arthur had came to the stag weekend and that night had met Izzy "Ah yes! Izzy! I thought you were on another date!" She hadn't told him this.

He seemed shocked "Sorry to break it to you darling, I'm a one woman man. Even when we aren't official" She rolls her eyes at him.

"Are you two official yet?" Liz asks, Laila nods "This afternoon actually mum!" Liz claps over excited.

"Yes, your daughter is a 21st century woman she asked me!"

"She always did know what she wants and how to get it!" Terry laughs.

"Well, I did say I love you first! Bit of a theme there" she winks.

Terry chuckles "She knows her own mind!"

Later they are in bed "Do you think your parents liked me?"

"I think you won them over straight away, they can see how happy you make me and how much I love you so they approve"

He pulls her on top of him "I hope they saw how much I love you too" he smiles.

"I think they did! Harry, are you going to speak to Gemma?"

"I was thinking about speaking to her tomorrow, the sooner I know the truth the better"He pulls her lips to his.

~*~*~*~

The next morning

He rang the door bell, his heart was in his throat, he's 50/50.

One side he kinda hopes he is his son, but on the other he hopes he's not.

The door opens, she's surprised "Harry, what...." he cuts her off "Is he mine?!"

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 12

@lem-20​ @shewillreadyou​ @secretaryunpaid​ @aussieez​ @khoicesbyk​ @irisofpurple​ @txemrn​ @casualpostqueen​ @tea-me-kah​ @shannonwrote​ @fanjessfic​

[jalapeno-princess]

Lover

Mark X Reader

Word Count: 3.7K

Genre: Extremely cheesy fluff

A/N: I’ve written this over four or five months ago I have a tendency to listen to a song, get inspired, start writing an imagine, getting writer’s block and never finishing it. I probably have like 20 other imagines that are unfinished BUT THAT’S OKAY I hope you enjoy this imagine it’s based on Lover by Taylor Swift.

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January This is our place, we make the rules And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home You're my, my, my, my loverWe could let our friends crash in the living room This is our place, we make the call And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em allCan I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever) You're my, my, my, my lover

You wish you could say it was the sun that woke you up, but the tangle of limbs is what actually stirred you awake. There was nothing wrong with getting up early. In fact, you loved waking up in the wee hours of the morning. Especially because it gave you more time to cuddle with and admire your devastatingly handsome boyfriend. However, when you turned around, you were faced with not one, but two bodies. Neither of which belonged to your boyfriend. 

You chuckled at the sight of the two younger boys and remembered that all six of Mark’s friends were sleeping over at your shared apartment. It was normal for them to come over. Your apartment was the gathering place for their group of friends and you were pretty sure it was because you and Mark were the only ones who would actually clean up after everyone. This was the first time all six of them actually slept over and when Mark first told you of the plans, you were curious as to how they would all fit in your tiny space. 

Your apartment wasn’t all that big, but you liked it. It was a good enough size for both you and your boyfriend and Mark claimed that since it was small, it would give him an excuse to always be near you. Before you could wonder where he was, the tight grip on your waist answered your question for you. Like your apartment, your bed wasn’t all that big either, so you stifled a laugh at the thought of all four of you fitting on top. 

Yugyeom had Bambam pressed up against his chest and you wish you had your phone in that moment to document the cute scene in front of you. In attempts to not wake your boyfriend up, you slowly turned around and placed a soft kiss on his nose. Your fingers gently traced along his handsome features and slowly made their way in to his hair. The two of you have been together for more than three years now and no matter how many times you’ve woken up next to him, you could never get used to the blush that would rise on your cheeks at just the mere sight of him. 

After a while, you retracted your hand from his hair and giggled when he quickly searched for your hand and brought it back to his head. “Good morning to you too.” He grinned widely at you all the while his eyes were still closed. He pulled you closer to his body and attempted to kiss you but you turned your head. 

“Babyyyyy what are you doing? Kiss meeeee.” You hid your face in his neck and smiled against his jaw. 

“Go brush your teeth first and then we have ourselves a deal.” He pouted adorably at you and before he could retaliate, you heard a groan coming from being you. 

“You guys are so cute it’s disgusting. Will you hurry up and go brush your teeth so she can finally kiss you and you can stop complaining? I’m trying to get some sleep here.” Mark playfully threw a pillow at the youngest boy causing him to fall off of the bed. Both your and your boyfriend’s laughter engulfed the room and soon you felt another pair of arms wrap around your waist. 

“If you take too long maybe she’ll end up kissing me..OW..The two of you are so abusive! You’re perfect for each other!” BamBam rubbed the side of his stomach where you elbowed him and you took this time to get up and prepare to start the day. You joined your boyfriend in the bathroom where you snickered at how roughly he was brushing his teeth. Once he spit and rinsed his mouth, he immediately pulled you in to his chest and connected your lips together. 

“Mmm, definitely worth the wait. Are you alright with hanging out with the guys today? If not, I can kick them all out.” You shook your head whilst wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“I love having them over. They’re all practically family to me and I know how much it means to you that they’re here. But if you want them to leave, I’m fine with anything you want to do.” He nodded while stealing a few more kisses and heading back in to your room. 

“How did you guys even end up in here? I could’ve sworn the two of you were in the living room right before we went to sleep.” Yugyeom gave you a knowing look and because you knew exactly what he was trying to get at, you rolled your eyes in irritation. 

“There wasn’t enough room for us to sleep! Your Christmas tree takes up the entire living room and it’s already the middle of January. You guys should take it down. Christmas was three weeks ago! I’m tired of drinking eggnog whenever I come over here-“ You glared at him and he was quick to stick his hands out in surrender. 

“Well, maybe if you guys spent as much time at your own places like you do at ours, you would have more beverage choices to choose from.” Bambam got up from the bed and stretched before walking over to you and playfully pulling you in to his embrace. 

“We’re not complaining. We love your Christmas tree, the stale cookies and the empty stockings..OW..I’M OUT OF HERE.” The two boys headed back in to your living room and Mark picked you up bridal style and placed you back in to bed. 

“Baby, what are you doing? The guys-“ He placed a long kiss on your lips in attempts to silence you and began leaving chaste kisses along your jaw. 

“Maybe we should kick them out. I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you as per usual. I don’t think they’re going to be okay with listening to all the noises you’re going to make as I have my way with you.” He continued his ministrations and you felt heat building up in your stomach but before the two of you could continue, you smelt something burning coming from the living room. You pushed your boyfriend off of you while immediately running out of your room and almost screamed at the sight.

“What is going on here?!” Jackson and Youngjae pointed their fingers at each other as you saw smoke surrounding your kitchen. 

“He did it!” You marched towards the two boys and yanked the spatula out of Jackson’s hand. It was obvious that the two of them were attempting to make pancakes. Key word, attempting. But neither of them thought of putting oil or butter in the pan before pouring in the batter, causing the pancake to stick to the pan. The two boys ended up burning the pancake to a crisp. 

“We um..we wanted to eat pancakes.” You released a heavy sigh. Before you could scold them, your boyfriend took his place behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. 

“Well I wanted to eat y/n but the two of you just had to put our apartment at risk..OW..babe what was that for?!” You rolled your eyes at his vulgar comment and took the pan away from Jackson while emptying the burnt contents in to the trash can. You released an exasperated sigh and made your way to the fridge to see what else you could cook up for the guys. 

“Hmph, it seems that we have no breakfast food babe.” Mark frowned and turned around to his friends. 

“Alright. Which one of you fuckers is coming with me to get some food? How about the pancake burners?” You snickered at his words while Youngjae and Jackson whined. 

“I’ll go with you baby.” Mark grinned at you while shaking his head. Everywhere Mark went, you followed and vice versa. The two of you were extremely clingy when it came to one another. One time Mark went on a trip for a work conference and you found yourself tagging along because neither of you could stay away from the other for more than a couple of days. 

“As much as I want to take you with me, I don’t trust these losers in our apartment. They might just burn it down while we’re away. But thank you for your offer baby.” This earned your boyfriend a playful pout from you, but you knew he was right. Before you could speak up, Jinyoung brought up a very smart idea. 

“Why don’t we go out to eat instead? Those two losers can pay for breakfast.” The room erupted in laughter from all but Youngjae and Jackson. When everyone agreed with going out to eat, you and Mark went to get ready as the guys stayed in the living room, waiting for you two to finish. 

“No funny business in there! I’m already hungry as it is.” Mark threw a pillow at Bambam before picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder. 

“You know y/n, we can just let them go to breakfast without us. Everything I could want for breakfast is right in this room. The only cake I want to eat, is yours..OW! Will you stop being so violent?” You playfully pushed his chest in attempts to have him go get ready before you heard any more complaints. Once you were both done changing, he pulled you in to his embrace and placed a soft kiss on your lips. 

“Beautiful. As always. Shall we?” You nodded in agreement and headed out in to the living room. The guys were planning on where they wanted to eat and who was driving. Mark scoffed when he heard his name being offered as one of the drivers. 

“No way! I’m always the driver. Plus, you guys should be driving me and my lady since we’ve been such amazing hosts and shown you nothing but the best hospitality..that’s it. The next person who hits me is paying for everyone’s meal today.” Yugyeom and Bambam snickered whilst running towards the door. After what felt like forever, Jinyoung and Jaebum decided to be the ones to drive because they knew no one else was going to offer to do so. If they kept bickering, it would be lunch by the time you all came to an agreement. 

“I call riding with Jinyoung! I refuse to even get near Jaebum and a moving vehicle after what happened last time. Whoever decided it was a good idea to give you your license was an idiot.” BamBam hid behind Yugyeom before Jaebum could say or do anything to the younger boy. 

“I don’t care whose driving, as long as I’m not in the car with the lovebirds. Their horny asses can never keep their hands off of each other and I’d like to keep my appetite thank you very much.” Both you and your boyfriend flicked Jackson on the forehead as you headed towards Jinyoung’s car. 

“You’re just jealous you don’t have a breathtakingly beautiful girlfriend to keep your hands on. Keep making snide comments and I’ll make sure to rack up the bill with a bunch of shit I won’t even eat.” You, Mark, BamBam and Youngjae got in to Jinyoung’s car while Jackson and Yugyeom got in to Jaebum’s. Like any other situation that involved being around Mark’s friends, the car ride was extremely loud but very entertaining to say the least. The boys sang almost every song that came on the radio and bickered about who they felt was going to with the Super Bowl. You couldn’t help but laugh when your boyfriend and BamBam began to argue about pancakes and waffles. 

Back when you and Mark first started dating, you were nervous to meet his friends because you knew how much they meant to each other and you wanted them all to approve of you dating their older friend. You weren’t expecting for them to take you in with open arms on the first day Mark introduced you to them, yet that was exactly what they all did. They were all very friendly and made it aware that you were no longer just dating Mark, you now had six other boyfriends because in Jackson’s words “you date one of us, you date all of us.” 

It didn’t take long for you to become close with the other guys and it came to a point where you’d go and hang out with them without Mark being there. They were like brothers to you and Mark was very happy that his favorite girl and some of his favorite people seemed to be getting along extremely well. 

A little more than half an hour later, the five of you pulled in to the parking lot of a restaurant you all frequented and Mark was quick to intertwine your fingers together before you could even get out of the car. You smiled up at him and stole a chaste kiss from the corner of his lips before letting him take the lead towards the restaurant. 

“Damn Mark, let the poor girl breathe would you? Can’t you go at least five minutes without having to even touch her—“ 

“No. Now shut up before I tell the waitress that all you get is water.” After meeting up with the rest of the guys and making your way in to the restaurant, the 8 of you squished your way in to a booth and began to look over the menu. 

“Oooh they have new items. Mark look! They have green tea pancakes! Wait—they even have guava cream filled waffles and peanut butter crepes—what? Why are you looking at me like that?” Mark giggled before placing a soft kiss on your nose. 

“Sorry babe, you’re just really cute. Did you maybe want to share two different items so that you can try more than one?” Your boyfriend was always extremely thoughtful and considerate whenever it came to you. He’d always sacrifice and compromise things in order to make you smile. If the two of you disagreed on something or couldn’t come to an agreement, he’d always give in to you because at the end of the day, as long as you were happy so was he. 

“Only if you want to Mark. If you already had another entree in mind then that’s totally fine. We can come again for breakfast next week too.” The entire table erupted in groans causing both you and Mark to roll your eyes in annoyance. 

“I don’t know why we go out with you guys it’s always like you’re on a date by yourselves everywhere we go. You even make grocery shopping all adorable and romantic it’s disgusting.” Before you could make a comment, the waitress came by to see if everybody was ready to order. 

“How about this babe, we’ll get the pancakes and the crepes and I’ll just order a side of eggs and bacon. Then we’ll both be getting what we want.” You nodded in agreement before handing your menu to the waitress. Unfortunately, all of her attention seemed to be directed right at your boyfriend in more than a friendly way. It was obvious that she found him attractive by the way she couldn’t stop smiling at him and the sight made your blood boil. 

You weren’t one to get jealous easily, especially because Mark never failed to show you and tell you on a daily basis just how much he loved you and how you meant everything to him. You couldn’t blame the waitress for practically drooling over him. Mark was a sight for sore eyes. Everything about him was perfect from his pretty, almond shaped eyes to his plump, heart shaped lips and his cute little button nose. But it was obvious that the two of you were a couple and you weren’t stupid, she was practically undressing him with her eyes and you weren’t having any of it. 

“We’ll have the green tea pancakes, peanut butter crepes and a side of eggs and bacon.” The gentle caress against your thigh broke you out of your thoughts and it was then that you noticed she was talking to you. You were quick to pick up on the way that she was looking at you with both jealousy and disgust but you didn’t care. Mark made it aware that the two of you were together yet she still didn’t seem to get the hint. 

“How would you like your eggs babe?” You had a feeling something was up because Mark knew you preferred your eggs over easy. He brought his lips up to your ear and whispered softly, causing the hairs on the back of your neck to rise. “Sunny side up, scrambled, over easy or fertilized?” Your eyes widened in shock and you could only hope no one else heard his cheeky little remark. He erupted in laughter when he saw your blank facial expression causing everyone to look at you in confusion. 

“She likes her eggs over easy, I’ll have mine sunny side up please.” When the waitress finally finished taking everyone’s orders and went on her way, you shoved Mark and gave him a knowing look. “What? I thought that was good and by the blush on your face I’m assuming it’s affecting you. Don’t worry babe, I’ll fertilize your eggs once we get out of here.” He placed a chaste kiss under your ear before turning the other direction and starting a conversation with Jaebum leaving you both confused and a little turned on. 

Breakfast went off without a hitch. To your delight but the dismay of everyone else, Mark took his time in cutting your food for you and even feeding you from time to time. You knew he didn’t mean to baby you, he just enjoyed being able to take care of you whenever he could. The boys would throw in complaints and a few snide remarks but it was all in good fun. For more than two hours, you all talked about anything and everything your hearts desired. It wasn’t like you hardly ever got to see each other. In fact, you felt like you saw them more than you did your actual family but you weren’t complaining. You loved those six other boys like they were your family. 

When Jinyoung felt like you all have been there for longer than you should have, he brought it to everyone’s attention that it was time to go. “Shall we head back to Mark and y/n’s place now?” Your boyfriend immediately shook his head before anyone else could speak up. 

“Y/n and I have plans for the rest of the day, so you guys go wreck another one of your apartments.” The guys erupted in upset sighs but were quick to raise their eyebrows at you and your boyfriend once they assumed they knew what your so called plans consisted of. 

“Y’all are going to have sex aren’t you—STOP HITTING ME!” Jackson began to rub the left side of his shoulder where Mark whacked him and pushed him out of the booth. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight and before you knew it, Mark was pulling you close to him while wrapping his arm around your lower waist. 

“He’s right though. I plan on making love to my beautiful girl for the rest of the day. What? You can’t look like that and expect me not to want to rearrange your guts later. You know what that dress does to me. I’m kind of upset you wore it in front of the guys but I can’t wait to teach you a lesson once we get home.” Although you playfully rolled your eyes at his comment, the warm sensation between your thighs made you want him to take you right then and there in the parking lot. 

As you said your goodbyes to Jaebum, Jackson and Yugyeom, you and the four other guys made your way back in to Jinyoung’s car. Mark was quick to pull you next to him to prevent Youngjae and BamBam from keeping you away from him. Once you all got settled in and Jinyoung began to drive away, you placed your head on Mark’s shoulder and started to play with his fingers. 

There weren’t enough words in the dictionary to describe the love you had for Mark. Sometimes you’d have a hard time believing he was real and that he was all yours. You don’t know what you did to deserve the devastatingly handsome man who’s arms you were currently wrapped in, but you’d do it again in this lifetime and every one after that if it meant having Mark for the rest of your days. Since you’ve been together for quite a while, your boyfriend was quick to pick up on your change of mood. It was obvious something was on your mind with how you were playing with his fingers in a suspicious manner and as much as he hated to pry because he never wanted you feeling uncomfortable, he wouldn’t be able to do anything knowing that there was something you were hiding from him.

 “Babe?” You hummed against his chest before looking up at him with a soft smile. “Everything okay? Tired?” You shook your head in disagreement and stole a chaste kiss from the corner of his lips.

“I’m fine. I just love you. So much. You’re my favorite person Mark. My lover. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Thank you for all that you’ve done for me and continue to do for me. That is all.” He lowered his fingers down to your chin and brought your face up to his in order to connect your lips together in a passionate kiss. 

“You deserve the entire world and more baby and I plan on giving it to you as long as time permits me to. I can’t even fathom in to words how much I love you. You’re my everything baby. It’s you and me forever.” You placed one more kiss on his chest before returning back to your previous position. 

“Remind me to never sit back here with these two ever again. If they’re not horny and practically eye fucking each other, they’re being all sentimental and lovey dovey and shit and to be honest with you I don’t know which one is worse. Okay that’s it! For your wedding gift you’re both getting toilet paper and not the good kind. You’re getting the sand paper shit—Mark control your woman would you?”

[mercuryonparklane]

An attempt at objectivity on the topic of Tayliz/a summary: Part 2

(Kind of...)

I’ve been busy with irl stuff the last week, so I haven’t been posting much lately. I finally have a day where I have nothing else to do and I’ve been considering making a post about where I currently stand on Tayliz/Gaylor in general for a while, so I thought now would be a good time to do that.

Disclaimer: I don’t know any of these people personally and this is all my own interpretation of publicly available information. I apologize for the length of this post...

I’ve been a Taylor fan since 2006 and a Gaylor since at least early 2009 when I was posting fanfics on LiveJournal (I stopped writing rpf a long time ago, btw). I’ve been in and out of the Gaylor fandom since then. I’ve created and deleted multiple blogs/accounts in the past 12+ years. I was mostly active between 2009 and 2015, but I did a lot of lurking during that time and only engaged when I felt I had something to contribute. 2015/2016 was a crazy time and I was going through some of my own stuff, so I stopped following Gaylor as closely for a while. I listened to reputation and Lover, I read the Gaylor theories, made a couple comments, and moved along. When folklore was released it drew me back in.

I created this blog in September 2020, before I even had an inkling that Liz might be more than just another name that has been thrown into the potential exes list, along with Claire C. and Kellie (I don’t believe either of those two had anything beyond friendship with Taylor). I had never looked into it too much because it seemed like there was not as much information as there was for the main 3 (Emily, Dianna, and Karlie). Now, after researching Tayliz for 5 months, I believe there is at least as much, if not more, to go on as there is for the main 3.

As for Taymily, I believe that, at the very least, Taylor had a massive crush on Emily. I don’t like to get too in-depth about that because there is a very suspect age gap. I’m not saying that those things don’t happen, but I will reiterate my statement from an earlier post that I am not comfortable essentially accusing someone of committing a crime when all that can be deciphered is that Taylor seemed to really care about her. I do think there are multiple songs about Emily.

I also believe that Taylor did date Dianna and possibly had some kind of relationship with Karlie. I think both of these possible relationships are long over at this point. Taylor may have been looking back on those relationships (along with others) in her last few albums. 

I still personally think it is possible that Taylor is a lesbian, but there are reasons to think she might be bi and I understand why people think that she is. I don’t really talk about the guys Taylor may have dated, but I will say that, to me, all of the boyfriends she had after high school seem like beards. I could be wrong, of course. There are way too many signs that she is queer for me to not think that she is at least bi.

There have always been sapphic themes in Taylor’s music, even in early songs like “Me And Britney” and “Angelina”. Her entire discography is littered with sapphic themes. In recent years, she has seemed to hint at being some form of queer in other ways as well. This has all been examined by others, so I won’t get into that in this post.

Anyway, on to Tayliz…

There is some compelling “circumstantial evidence” suggesting that there may have been something beyond friendship between Tayliz (a lot of this was covered in my first post and all of the information has been mentioned at some point on my blog):

They met multiple times between December 2006 and February 2009, when Liz first performed with Taylor, but it is hard to tell how well they knew each other at that time. Based on the information available, I actually think they might have even been close, or at least friendly, before Liz was hired, but I could be wrong.

The “official” story is that Liz met Taylor at a meet and greet in December 2006 and again in July 2007. She asked if she could sing for Taylor and Taylor gave her advice, including suggesting that she enter a talent contest and that she should move to Nashville. Some accounts say that Liz sang for Taylor in her dressing room, but I have never found a source for this part of the story.

Taylor wrote the following sentence about Liz in her blog on February 5, 2008, after performing on the competition show that Liz was a contestant on: “It sounds strange, but there was always something different about her that stuck out in my mind”. That is super suspect to me...

Taylor was the only musician to perform on the show, btw (although they did have the touring cast of HSM on the next week). Taylor allegedly said, during the interview portion of her appearance, that she knew Liz and that Liz had gone to “all” of her shows and meet and greets… whatever that means.

According to Liz, she moved to Nashville in June 2008 and sometime within the next 6 months she received a call to audition as a backup singer, but did not know for which artist she was auditioning. I feel like it would be an incredible coincidence that Taylor suggested she move to Nashville two years earlier, they met multiple times after that, and randomly Liz got a call to audition for Taylor without knowing it was for her within 6 months of moving there. I don’t know, maybe I’m being too skeptical, but it seems almost more of a reach to say that Taylor didn’t somehow have a hand in her getting that audition.

Liz already seemed very comfortable around Taylor in that picture with George Strait taken on the day of her first show with the band in February 2009.

At the one-off shows after Liz joined the band, there was a little skit between Taylor, Liz, and Grant during YBWM, where Grant played the love interest and Liz played the “Cheer Captain”. There was even a talking bit. During the Australia one-off shows, there was a talking bit before F&A where Taylor introduced Liz and they had a little conversation that ended similarly to the one Taylor has with the interviewer during the Fearless Tour. After this, they rarely interacted on stage. 

Taylor seemed to allow Liz’s input during the auditions for the Fearless Tour dancers, two months after she joined the band, and Taylor ended up hiring two of her friends.

Liz went with Taylor to visit Abigail at her university in Kansas two months after joining the band.

Taylor took Liz with her to see Britney Spears’ Circus Tour show in Chicago right after the Kansas trip.

Taylor said in an interview for Oprah’s website, released in May 2009, that Australia and Lawrence, KS were her two favorite places to visit, which just so happen to be two of the places she had recently been with Liz.

The fact that they shared a hotel room in London a few months after Liz joined the band. Caitlin, who had been in the band for a while at that point, and her mom were both there for that trip. Maybe Taylor was just happy to be able to hang out with another woman around her age. It seems strange, but it could be a completely platonic situation.

Taylor and the band, including Liz, recorded a cover of “American Girl” by Tom Petty (one of Liz’s favorite artists) in front of the Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon in May 2009. The secret message for “Sparks Fly” is “Portland, Oregon” and she mentions the Rose Garden in “The Lucky One”.

Taylor mentions going to dinner with Liz, seemingly just the two of them, in her vlog from May 29, 2009, which was around Liz’s birthday (May 27).

The amount of Liz content in the vlogs. Plus, the choice to put the line “I like where you sleep, when you sleep next to me” right before showing Liz sleeping on a couch (this was the trip where they shared a hotel room, which does make that fact more suspect, imo) and including the song “She (For Liz)” in another vlog, in which she dedicates a whole section to Liz’s habit of falling asleep “All. The. Time.”

In fact, in both of those vlogs, which were posted a year apart from each other (May 2009 and April 2010), Taylor wears a black dot shirt, in clips that include only her and Liz, that is similar to the one she wore in the IKYWT mv. 

Honestly, just go watch the video she made for Emily and then watch the vlogs after Liz joined the band… I just get a similar vibe in the clips she chose to include of both women.

They went to a Paramore concert together the weekend before Taylor hosted SNL in November 2009. At the concert, they were filmed by other attendees dancing next to each other on the balcony. One of the songs they were filmed dancing to is “That’s What You Get” and Taylor asked Hayley to perform that song with her (and the band, including Liz) at one of the Nashville shows on the SN Tour in 2011. In November 2019, Liz released her own song called “That’s What You Get” that sounds like it could be the opposite side of the relationship much of Red is about (and a couple other Taylor songs from other albums).

In Taylor’s Glamour interview published on 10/5/2010, she mentions that she designed the two guest rooms at her Nashville condo with Caitlin and Liz in mind. 

After tweeting about attending the Katy P. concert in Dublin with Taylor (and Grant and Caitlin) someone asked Liz what her favorite KP song was and she responded “Thinking Of You”. This is suspect because at the time Liz did have a bf, but she may have just liked the song and didn’t necessarily relate to it personally.

There are tweets from people who are either not really well-known or aren’t in the industry at all that mention Taylor and Liz hanging out outside of touring. They are mentioned together in quite a few tweets actually. They seemed to have a good number of mutual friends during that time (spring/summer 2009-fall 2012). After Liz left the band, Taylor stopped hanging out with most of those people, while Liz continues to maintain some of those friendships to this day. This could be explained by the fact that Taylor began spending less time in Nashville.

One such friend is the photographer who Taylor hired for Red. She is actually a longtime friend of Liz. Supposedly she took some photos of Liz that Taylor saw and Taylor hired her after that. There are some pictures from Taylor’s Red photoshoot that are similar to Liz’s photos.

There are rumors that Liz was fired, but the “official” story is that she left to pursue her own music.

Liz did not wish Taylor a happy birthday on twitter in 2012, which she had done in previous years. She did not tweet @ or mention Taylor for almost a year. Taylor didn’t respond to any of her tweets or mention her until October 2014.

Some of the songs Liz released in late 2012/early 2013 have similar lyrics/themes to Taylor’s music and may be about Taylor.

The lyric video for Liz’s song STFU&HM includes polaroid pictures with the song’s lyrics written on them and neon signs, which is basically the 1989 aesthetic. The actual mv has some potential parallels to the IKYWT mv. (side note: Liz specified in an interview that the kind of “sour candy” she is singing about in the song is Watermelon Sour Patch, which Taylor mentioned in the June 2008 issue of Teen Vogue was something that she “couldn’t live without”)

The love interest wears a key necklace in the STFU&HM mv and Taylor wears one in the IKYWT mv.

The bridge of IKYWT is very similar to lyrics from a song by Patty Griffin called “Nobody’s Crying”. Liz once said that Patty is her favorite singer (this was when she was still in Taylor’s band) and has mentioned her and that particular song multiple times over the years. Side note: Taylor mentioned last year that another one of Patty’s songs was the inspiration for “betty”.

Liz played the other woman in the mv for TSOU and in the photoshoot for SN. At the end of the mv for her song “H8U”, Liz interrupts her love interest’s wedding and kisses his tall, blonde, curly haired bride.

This one could be a crazy coincidence, but Liz recorded the backing vocals on a song called “Dear John” that was written by the backup dancer who came out to Taylor during the Fearless Tour. Btw, by no means am I saying DJ is about Liz because that would make zero sense.

Liz’s birthday is on one of the board games in the “Lover” mv that reference “Cruel Summer”. Most people think CS is about Karlie and that makes sense, but it also seems to reference “Love Story”, which was potentially written sometime around when Taylor performed on the show Liz was a contestant on. I don’t know if LS is about Liz and I am not trying to claim that, but it is interesting. Even if it’s not, they performed that song together a lot and Liz helped out with the onstage costume change during that song. CS could be about her experiences with both Liz and Karlie. Or it could just be about Karlie and the date in the “Lover” mv has nothing to do with Liz’s birthday.

In “the 1” and “dorothea”, Taylor potentially references Liz’s song “Never Know” and by reference, I mean that she essentially uses the exact same lyrics: “I guess you never know, you never know” = “I guess you never know, never know” and “I guess I’ll never know” = literally just the same line. Not to mention in “dorothea” Taylor also sings “Do you ever stop and think about me?” and in NK Liz sings “I wonder if you think about me” right before the line “I guess I’ll never know”. I am not saying that either of those songs are about Liz, but it is interesting, especially since Liz tweeted about “the 1”, which was the thing that really sent me on my deep dive into Tayliz.

The “cardigan” looks like the cardigan she wears in the first vlog she included Liz in. It could be nothing, but it is interesting because I have a theory that Liz is the first woman she had a “relationship” with and that “cardigan” is about Liz, Dianna, Karlie, and possibly some other women she might have dated/been with.

These are just some of the highlights and are more focused on the facts as opposed to some of my more tinfoil hat, fun, crack theory stuff or just some of the things that are loosely related to Liz or might involve a little (or a lot of) reaching to connect them to her.

Everything I have mentioned could just be a series of strange coincidences, even though there appears to be quite a few of them. Whether anything ever happened between them or it was just one of those intense, romantic friendships that some women tend to have, I don’t really know. Based on what I have seen, I tend to think there was something going on there beyond friendship, but possibly it was never anything official.

Liz seemed to have a boyfriend most of the time that Tayliz were working together/hanging out, which is one of the main things that makes me question my own theory. Of course, it is always possible that she had something with Taylor, while she also had a boyfriend. There are many reasons for that (poly, closeted, etc.), so that does not exclude the idea that she may have actually been involved with two people at one time and one of those people could have been Taylor.

If they were together in some capacity, while Liz also had a boyfriend, it could explain the messy relationship that Taylor seemed to write about during that time. I think it is possible that Emily was just a crush and Liz was her first actual experience with another woman where the feelings were reciprocated to some degree. OR they could have just been really good friends and I am utterly, completely wrong. 

Maybe Taylor is just a straight girl, who doesn’t realize that she’s been sending signals that she is queer for years. Whenever that thought crosses my mind, I think about all of the things she has said and done that imply she may not be straight and I just can’t help thinking that it is intentional. I don’t think she is queerbaiting or unintentionally signaling that she might be queer. I think she is queer and has dropped multiple hints to suggest that over the years.

Anyway… Liz has a bf right now and seems to be in a good place, so let’s let her be, please. I hope we get some more new music from her soon.

As far as researching Tayliz goes, I’ll probably keep looking into it when I have time, but at this point I think I have seen pretty much all there is to see (of the content available online currently). I’ll be waiting for the songs from Taylor’s “vault” to drop to see if there are any potential connections there (at least in the “vault” songs for Fearless, Speak Now, and Red).

In conclusion (TL;DR)...

My personal opinion is that there is enough “circumstantial evidence” to include Liz on the list of Taylor potential exes. For me the Gaylor timeline looks something like this:

(Fair Warning: this is all total speculation based on song lyrics and other information that is publicly available)

Summer 2006-December 2007: Taylor develops a crush on Emily. Emily possibly finds out somehow and it doesn’t go over well (OR it does). She is fired from the band AND maybe she is paid off to pursue other interests…

2008/2009- Spring (Summer? Fall?) 2012: Taylor has an on/off relationship with Liz, while Liz also dates men. The relationship may have even started developing as early as the first time they supposedly met back in December 2006, but Taylor definitely was feeling something by the time she posted that blog in February 2008. It’s complicated and non-exclusive. Maybe Taylor wanted more of a commitment and maybe there were promises made that things could/would change, but they never did. By the time she started hanging out with Dianna she was ready to move on. So, she ended things in March/April… but still met up with Liz a couple times after (possibly as friends). 

Taylor may have also dated Julianne H. at some point in 2008/2009.

Spring 2012-Fall 2013 (?): Taylor has an on/off relationship with Dianna that may have ended, in part, due to interference from Taylor’s team. Maybe it is the one relationship with a woman that could have actually developed into something more concrete, but maybe that also scared Taylor a bit.

Winter 2013/Early 2014-Fall 2016: Taylor has an on/off relationship with Karlie, while Karlie is also involved with Josh (hence my comment about how CS could be about her experiences with both Liz and Karlie because they may have been similar circumstances, where sometimes they were single and other times they had a serious bf). 

Fall 2016-Present: There are at least a couple potential girlfriends within this timeframe. I lean towards Tily being a thing from at least fall 2016-Summer 2019. I am open to Zaylor and I do find it interesting, but I’m not as sold on that one. I personally do not think Taylor is with Joe nor do I think that Joe is WB.

The straight explanation could be that Taylor gets into really, intensely close friendships with other women and eventually they grow apart and move on with their lives. 

The funny thing is that I remember Taylor once saying something about how after a breakup, she completely cuts that person off. That fits with her relationships (whatever the nature) with Liz, Dianna, and Karlie. With each of these women, Taylor shared a friend group with them, but Taylor seemed most interested in them. She has had a few friendly/cordial interactions with them, but she seems to have completely separated her life from them after their “friendships” ended. In fact, she moved to entirely different cities on opposite sides of the country (and in one case a different country, with a whole ocean in between) after she stopped hanging out with them.

That’s where I stand and it’s not really much different from where I was back in October when I posted my first summary on Tayliz. 

Although, I do have more information now than I did then that leads me to think something was going on. 70% of the time I am convinced they had a relationship beyond friendship and 30% of the time I think they were only ever friends. 99.9% of the time I think I am a clown.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am inclined to believe that Tayliz is more likely to have had some sort of relationship than Taymily and is slightly less likely to have happened than Swiftgron and Kaylor. Other Gaylors might think they were only coworkers or friends. I’m not out to convince anyone. I am just presenting the information I have found and I don’t mind a friendly discussion/debate if anyone wants to talk about it.

[paths-of-my-childhood-candid]

Lover Conquers All

By: Mark Sutherland for Music Week Date: November 4th 2019 issue (published online on December 13th 2019)

She’s the world’s biggest pop star, but despite her global success, Taylor Swift is also the music industry’s greatest advocate for artists’ and songwriters’ rights. And, with a ground-breaking new record deal and a bold new album, Lover, she’s not about to stop now. Music Week meets her to talk music and business...

Around this time of year, the Taylor Swift anniversaries come at you thick and fast. Nine years since her third album, Speak Now, every note of which was written entirely by Swift, hit the shelves. Five years since she released her mould-breaking pop album, 1989, and went from the world’s biggest country star to the world’s biggest pop star overnight. Two years since her Reputation record saw her become the only musician to post four successive million-plus debut sales weeks in the United States. And so on.

But today, Swift’s mind is drawn further back, to the 13th anniversary of her debut, self-titled record, and the days when her album releases weren’t automatically accompanied by mountains of hype and enough think-pieces to sink a battleship. Her journal entries from the time - helpfully reprinted as part of the deluxe editions of her new album, Lover - reveal her as an excited, optimistic teenager, but also one with a grasp of marketing strategies and label politics way beyond her years, even if she was reluctant to actually take credit for her ideas.

“It always was and it always will be an interesting dance being a young woman in the music industry,” she smiles ruefully. “We don’t have a lot of female executives, we’re working on getting more female engineers and producers but, while we are such a drastic gender minority, it’s interesting to try and figure out how to be.”

And, of course, when Swift started out she was, as she points out, “an actual kid”.

“I was planning the release of my first album when I was 15 years old,” she reminisces. “And I was a fully gangly 15, I reminded everyone of their niece! I was in this industry in Nashville and country music, where I was making album marketing calls, but I never wanted to stand up and say, ‘Yeah, that promotions plan you just complimented my label on, I thought of that! Me and my Mom thought of that!’

“When you’re a new artist you wonder how much space you can take up and, as a woman, you wonder how much space you can take up pretty much your whole period of growing up,” she continues. “For me, growing up and knowing that I was an adult was realising that I was allowed to take up space from a marketing perspective, from a business perspective, from an opinionated perspective. And that feels a lot better than constantly trying to wonder if I’m allowed to be here.”

In the intervening years, Taylor Swift has released six further, brilliant albums, growing from country starlet to all-conquering pop behemoth along the way. She takes up “more space”, as she would put it, than any other musician on the planet: a sales and now - having belatedly embraced the format with Lover - streaming phenomenon; a powerhouse stadium performer; an award-garlanded songwriter for herself and others; and a social media giant with a combined 278 million followers across Instagram, Twitter and Facebook (which would make the Taylor Nation the fourth most populous one on earth, after China, India and the US).

But her influence on music and the music industry doesn’t end there. Because, over the years, Swift has also become a leading advocate for artists’ and songwriters’ rights, in a digital landscape that doesn’t always have such matters as a priority.

In 2015, she stood up to Apple Music over its plans to not pay artist royalties during subscribers’ three-month free trials (Apple backed down immediately). She pulled her entire catalogue from Spotify in 2014 in protest that its free tier was devaluing music, sending Daniel Ek scrambling to justify his business model. When she returned in 2017, it was a crucial fillip for the streaming service’s IPO plans.

More recently, her ground-breaking new record deal with Republic Records contained clauses not only guaranteeing her ownership of her future masters, but also ensuring Universal Music will share the spoils of its Spotify shares with its artists, without any payments counting against unrecouped balances. And when her long-time former label boss Scott Borchetta sold Big Machine to Scooter Braun’s Ithaca Holdings, taking Swift’s first six albums with him, the star publicly called out what she saw as her “worst-case scenario” and stressed: “You deserve to own the art you make”. She may yet re-record her old songs in protest.

In short, Swift has, for a long time now, been unafraid to use her voice on industry matters, whether they pertain to her own stellar career or the thousands of other artists out there struggling to make a living.

All of which makes Swift not just the greatest star of our age, but perhaps the most important to the future development of the industry as a more artist-centric, songwriter-friendly business. Hers is still the life of the pop phenomenon - she spent today in Los Angeles doing promotion and photoshoots (or, in her words, “having people put make-up on me”) as Lover continues to build on huge critical acclaim and even huger initial sales. But now, she’s kicking back with her cats - one of whom seems determined to disrupt Music Week’s interview by “stampeding” through at every opportunity - and ready to talk business.

And for Swift, business is good. The impact of her joining streaming, and the decline of traditional album sales, may have prevented her from posting a fifth successive one million-plus sales debut, but Lover still sold more US copies (867,000) in its first week than any record since her own Reputation. It’s sold 117,513 copies to date in the UK, according to the Official Charts Company.

Even better, while Reputation - a record forged in the white heat of a social media snakestorm over her on-going feud with Kanye West - was plenty of show and rather less grow, Lover continues to reveal hidden depths. Reputation struck a sometimes curious contrast between the unrepentant warrior Swift she was showing to the outside world and the love story with British actor Joe Aiwyn that was quietly developing behind closed doors, but Lover is the sort of versatile, cohesive album that the streaming age was supposed to kill off.

It contains more than its fair share of pop bangers (You Need To Calm Down, Me!), but also some gorgeously-crafted acoustic tracks (Lover, Cornelia Street), some pithy political commentary (The Man, Miss America & The Heartbreak Prince) and the sort of musical diversions (Paper Rings’ irresistible rockabilly stomp, the childlike oddity of It’s Nice To Have A Friend) that no other pop superstar would have the sheer musical chops to attempt, let alone pull off.

“Taylor’s creative instincts as an artist and songwriter are brilliant,” says Monte Lipman, founder and CEO of Swift’s US label, Republic. “Our partnership represents a strategic alliance built on mutual respect, trust, and complete transparency. Her vision is extraordinary as she sets the tone for every campaign and initiative.”

No wonder David Joseph, chairman/CEO of her long-time UK label Virgin EMI’s parent company Universal Music UK, is thrilled with how things are going.

“Love Story was a fitting first single release for Taylor here - she’s loved the UK from day one and has engaged so much with her fans and teams,” says Joseph. “She really respects and values what’s going on here creatively. To see her go from playing the Students’ Union at King’s College to Wembley Stadium has been extraordinary. Taylor is an artist constantly striving for perfection, and with Lover - from my personal point of view, her most accomplished work to date adore working with her and whilst it’s been more than 10 years this still feels like the start.”

And today, Swift is keen to concentrate on the present and future. She has a starring role in Cats coming up (and a new song on the soundtrack, Beautiful Ghosts, co-written with Andrew Lloyd Webber) and, after a spectacularly intimate Paris launch show in September, festival dates and her own LoverFest to plan (UK shows will be revealed soon). Time, then, to tell the cats to calm down and sit down with Music Week to talk streaming, contracts and why she’s “obsessed” with the music industry...

Unlike with Reputation, most of the discussion around Lover seems to have been focused on the music... Absolutely! One of the ideas I had about this record, and something I’ve implemented into my life in the last couple of years is that I don’t like distractions. And, for a while, it felt like my life had to come with distractions from the music, whether it was tabloid fascination with my personal life or my friendships or what I was wearing. I realised in the last couple of years that, if I don’t give a window into distraction, people can’t try to look in and see something other than the music. I love that, if you really pour yourself into the idea that an album is still important and try really hard to make something that is worth people’s attention span, time and energy, that can still come across. Because we are living in an industry right now where everyone’s rushing towards taking us into a singles industry and, in some cases, it has become that. But there are still some cases where clearly the album is important to people.

Does it matter that some new artists won’t get to make albums the way you always have? It’s interesting. Five years ago I wrote an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal and said, maybe in the next five years, we would see artists releasing music the way that they want to. I thought that each artist would start to curate what is important to them, not just from an artistic standpoint but from a marketing standpoint. It’s really interesting to see different release plans, if you look at what Drake did and then what Beyoncé does, incredible artists who have really curated what it is to drop music in their own way. We all do it differently, which is cool. As long as people dropping just singles want to be doing that, then I’m fine with it, but if it feels like a big general wave that’s being pressured by people in power, their teams or their labels, that’s not cool. But I do really hope that in the future artists have more of a say over strategy. We’re not just supposed to make art and then hand it to a team that masterminds it.

Were you worried about putting an album on streaming on release day for the first time? Well, there are ways that streaming services could really promote the [whole] album in a more incentivised way. We could have album charts on streaming. The industry follows where they can get prizes. So you have a singles chart on streaming services which is great but, if you split things up into genre charts for example, that would really incentivise people. It’s important that we keep trying to strive to make the experience better for users but also make it more interesting for artists to keep wanting to achieve. But I really did love the experience of putting the album on streaming. I loved the immediacy, I loved that people who maybe weren’t a huge diehard fan were curious and saying, ‘I wonder what this is like’ and listening to it and deciding that they liked it.

You’d resisted streaming for a long time. Have you changed your mind about the format now? I always knew that I would enjoy the aspects of streaming that make [your music] so immediately available to so many people. That’s the part of it that I unequivocally always felt really sad I was missing out on. There wasn’t ever a day when I woke up and I was like, ‘Oh, I’m really glad that multitudes of people don’t have access to my music!’ So I always knew that streaming was an incredible mechanism and model for the future but I still don’t think we have the royalties and compensation system worked out. That’s between the labels and their artists and I realised that me, to use a gross word, ‘leveraging’ what I can bring to cut a better deal for the artists at my record label was really important for me.

How big a factor were things like that in you signing to Republic/Universal? That’s important to me because that means they’re adopting some of my ideas. If they take me on as an artist that means they really thought it through. Because with me, come opinions about how we can better our industry. I’m one of the only people in the artist realm who can be loud about it. People who are on their fifth, sixth or seventh album, we’re the only ones who can speak out, because new artists and producers and writers need to work. They need to be endearing and likeable and available to their labels and streaming services at all times. It’s up to the artists who have been around for a second to say, ‘Hey guys, the producers and the writers and the artists are the ones who are making music what it is’. And we’re in a great place in music right now thanks to them. They should be going to their mailbox and feeling like they’ve got a pension plan, rather than feeling like, ‘Oh yay, I can pay half my rent this month after this No.1 song’.

Did you have more creative freedom making Lover than on your previous albums? In my previous situation, there were creative constraints, issues that we had over the years. I’ve always given 100% to projects, I always over-delivered, thinking that that generosity would be returned to me. But I ended up finding that generosity in a new situation with a new label that understands that I deserve to own what I make. That meant so much to me because it was given over to me so freely. When someone just looks at you and says ‘Yes, you deserve what you want’, after a decade or more of being told, ‘I’m not sure you deserve what you want’ - there’s a freedom that comes with that. It’s like when people find ‘the one’ they’re like, ‘It was easy, I just knew and I felt free’. All of a sudden you’re being told you’re worth exactly, no, more than what you thought you were worth. And that made me feel I could make an album that was exactly what I wanted to make. There’s an eclectic side to Lover, a confessional side, it varies from acoustic to really poppy pop, but that’s what I like to do. And, while you would never make something artistic based on something so unromantic as a contract, it was more than that. It was a group of people saying, ‘We believe in what you’re making, go make what you want to make and you deserve to own it too’.

You’re obviously not happy about what’s happened at Big Machine since you left. But will the attention mean artists don’t find themselves in this situation in the future? I hope so. That’s the only reason that I speak out about things. The fans don’t understand these things, the public isn’t being made aware. This generation has so much information available to them so I thought it was important that the fans knew what I was going through, because I knew it was going to affect every aspect of my life and I wanted them to be the first to know. And in and amongst that group, I know there are people that want to make music some day. It involves every new artist that is reading that and going, ‘Wait, that’s what I’m signing?’ They don’t have to sign stuff that’s unfair to them. If you don’t ask the right questions and you sit in front of the wrong desk in front of the wrong person, they can take everything from you.

Songwriters are in dispute with Spotify in the US over its decision to appeal the Copyright Board decision to boost songwriting royalties. Do writers need more respect? Absolutely. In terms of the power structure, the songwriters, the producers, the engineers, the people who are breathing magic into our industry, need to be listened to. They’re not being greedy. This is legitimately an industry where people are having trouble paying their bills and they’re the most talented people we have. This isn’t them sitting in their mansions going, ‘I wish this mansion was bigger and I would like a yacht please’. This is actually people who are going to work every single day. I got into writing when I was in Nashville and it was very much like what I read about the Brill Building. You would write every day, whether you were inspired or not, and in the process I met artists and writers. Somebody would walk in and someone would say, ‘Oh, he’s still getting mailbox money from that Faith Hill cut a couple of years ago, he’s set’. That’s not a thing anymore. Mailbox money is a thing of the past and we need to remember that these are the people that create the heartbeat that we’re all dancing to or crying to.

You were clearly aware of music industry machinations from a young age... Reading back on the journal entries, I forgot how obsessed I was with the industry as a teenager. I was so fascinated by how it works and how it was changing. Every part of it was interesting to me. I had drawn the stages for most of my tours a year before I went on them. That really was fun for me as a teenager! A lot of people who start out very young in music, either don’t have a say or don’t have the will to do the business side of it, but weirdly that was so much fun for me to try and learn. I had a lot of energy when I was 16!

Are you doing similar drawings for next year’s LoverFest? Definitely. And that’s why it’s still fun for me to take on a challenge like, ‘Oh, let’s just plan our own festival’. Let’s create a bill of artists and try and make it as fun as possible for the fans. I’m so intrigued by what that’s going to be like.

Finally, when we last did an interview in 2015, you said in five years’ time you wanted to be “finding complexity in happiness”. How has that worked out? That’s exactly what’s happened with this album! I think a lot of writers have the fear of stability, emotional health and happiness. Our whole careers, people make jokes about how, ‘Just wait until you meet someone nice, you’ll run out of stuff to write about’. I was talking to [Cats director] Tom Hooper about this because he said one thing his mother taught him was, ‘Don’t ever let people tell you that you can’t make art if you’re happy’. I thought that was so amazing. He’s a creator in a completely different medium but he has been subjected to that same joke over and over again that we must be miserable to create. Lover is important to me in so many ways, but it’s so imperative for me as a human being that songwriting is not tied to my own personal misery. It’s good to know that, it really is!

[lightcomingthroughthedarkness]

i haven't seen many of the spoilers, and i'm really confused on why everyone's so panicked about gaia and clarke? am i missing something or are people really freaking out over the moms!dynamic that's been happening since the flame was put in madi's head?

Alright. Before I get into this LONG post, I just want to say that this is only a theory I have, some just interpretation, some from the spoilers we've read about and some from things I can't talk about. (It's not a big deal to me, I'm just interested in fandom's interpretation that's all). Anyway, putting on my clown outfit! Spoilers, beware.

When the script to screen was released, we got to read a scene in 7x01 between Clarke and Gaia that was written in a way that left a lot up for interpretation. The script had a romantic subtext to it and when people read it, a lot of people felt confused because the way the scene was written was not how it was filmed. It did not come across as romantic on screen but it did in the script.

And if someone says "no it wasn't romantic in the script" I'd like to remind you if this had been a written scene between a man and a woman people would absolutely say there was a romantic subtext.

Fandom is now freaking out because people believe they are setting Clarke and Gaia up as endgame. And they think it's because Jason is an asshole and he doesn't want to follow through on Bellarke. So he will make Gaia Clarke's endgame. And part of that is yes, because Clarke and Gaia have a co-parenting dynamic with Madi. Gaia started out as a mentor to Commander Madi in s5, she moved into become more of a protector to Madi in s6 (especially when Clarke couldn't be there) and Gaia decided to save Madi, the child, and destroy the flame. Now in s7, she is caring for and she loves Madi the same way Clarke does and Clarke has noticed this. Which is why Clarke is grateful to Gaia and then in the script it said Clarke and Gaia's connection is starting to become more personal. Because we saw Gaia and Madi's relationship develop since s5 but now I guess it's time to see Clarke and Gaia's relationship develop to? Because that's actually the important part. Gaia and Madi's relationship has development. Clarke and Gaia do not. But also, it's not just about Madi's future or Clarke's wishes. What about GAIA? What does she want for HERSELF? To be Madi's parent? To be a follower and protector all her life? How does she wants her own future to look like? It's not JUST about Madi and Clarke.

In 7x03 and 7x04 Clarke will be spending a lot of time with Gaia. They will mostly be talking about life, grief, emotions and Madi. Clarke buries her mother's ring in 7x03 and Gaia joins Clarke and buries the flame. They both bury their pasts, something that was important to them (Clarke with her parents, being alone now) and something that was their entire identity (Gaia lets go of the flame) and now they are moving forward. Who are they now, who will they become?

Clarke and Gaia are both determined to protect Madi and give her the childhood they both were robbed of. Clarke lost her father and her mother sent her to Earth. Gaia lost her father and her mother wouldn't allow her to show emotions. Clarke had a complicated relationship with Abby. Gaia had and continues to have a complicated relationship with Indra. Clarke has broken friendships and has been alone a lot (spacekru issues). Gaia has never had a friend or been the source of someone's appreciation. Clarke and Gaia are now bonded by their shared devotion and love for Madi and it seems it will develop into a personal bond too. This is where fandom is worried. Will they be friends only? Will they develop a romantic relationship? Or will their newfound relationship and connection to Madi develop into a familiar relationship?

The theme of 7x01 was "mothers and daughters". We had plenty of them. Clarke/Abby. Gaia/Indra. Clarke/Madi. Gaia/Madi. Hope/Diyoza. Hope/Octavia. And we also got to see daughters and daughters. Clarke/Gaia. Clarke/Raven.

So why release a script that clearly has a romantic subtext between Clarke and Gaia when they didn't film the scene the way it was written and why spoil their endgame ship through a tweet if it's indeed what will happen in the end? But most importantly, why release the script if they wanted people to interpret that scene as romantic when only hardcore fandom fans read those scripts and not the general audience?

And here is a theory I have. Maybe that scene was ambiguously written like that because isn't that something Clarke has dealt with grief before? She seeks comfort from other people. Clarke wants relationships and connections. She doesn't want to be alone. And maybe she saw Gaia in a different light. She'd seen her care for Madi, she saw how Gaia interacted with Indra and it reminded her of her relationship with Abby, she started to see similarities between them. A connection. Developed by their shared love for Madi absolutely but as the script said, then it started to turn into a more personal connection due to their similarities as well. Gaia is a young beautiful woman who's never had a friend before. Clarke appreciates her and thanks her for what she did for Madi. Gaia is touched by that. Clarke is a beautiful young woman who is attracted to both men and women. And Clarke refused to deal with her feelings, had lost her family and felt alone and lost.

In season 3 and season 4, Clarke sought comfort from Niylah. When she ran away and when things were hard and Clarke couldn't face her actions or feelings, she turned to Niylah. Because it was someone who was there. There is even an interpretation out there that Clarke sought comfort from Bellamy in 4x03 but the moment was cut short when Bellamy walked away. In season 6 Clarke tried to move on by hooking up with Cillian. She was seeking for a human connection. So would it have been completely out of character for Clarke to seek comfort from Gaia? Especially now that Bellamy isn't there? And we don't know much about Gaia, but she too feels lost, and would it be strange for her to feel attracted to Clarke? I don't think so.

So why didn't Clarke have those scenes with Niylah then? My guess is, with Niylah she already has a personal relationship. They could have had Clarke seek comfort from her like before. But then that storyline would not have fit with the theme of Mothers/Daughters and it would not have fit in with Madi. With Gaia it does.

Why not Raven? Sure, Raven could have been the person Clarke turned to. But does Raven not have her own storyline and journey? And Raven is not a sidekick to Clarke as a sounding board. The theme of daughters/daughters could fit here but not mothers/daughters. Plus Clarke and Raven need to fix their relationship and it's not through Madi. They already did that with Abby. It's through Raven and Clarke understanding each other, which Raven will be forced to do in 7x03 and 7x04 when she is put in a leadership position and has to make difficult decisions. Clarke will even help her process that.

Why not Echo or Emori? Echo has her own storyline of finding her identity and own voice. Emori is with Murphy and they need to deal with Sanctum/Primes.

A random extra? Well, didn't they already do that in season 6 with Cillian? And what could a random extra add to the theme of mothers/daughters and to Clarke's relationship with Madi? In the last season?

And that's why I think that moment was cut short between Clarke and Gaia because while it COULD have been were it was going, it wasn't the overall plan, at least not romantically. And maybe that's why the scene wasn't filmed the way it was written. Because had it been filmed the same way it was written the audience would have believed it was going to be romantic but if Jason didn't want that to come across that way, they decided to back away from it and push it back into another box. Friends/family. All I know is that if Jason wanted something to be EXPLICITLY romantic and had a script for it, he would have made it so. And Eliza Taylor is a good actress. If it's romantic, she will give you romantic. That was not the case in 7x01. Nor do I see it in 7x03.

Clarke and Gaia share more time together in 7x04. A lot of it has to do with Madi but some of it is also their personal development as well. Friendly. They understand each other. They have similar wants for Madi but also similar wishes for a happy and calmer future. There is a moment they share in 7x04 that I think is platonic. But I think because of the 7x01 script, it might play with people's minds. Like "wait, maybe I'm supposed to interpret this as romantic" but honest to god, I didn't. Which is why I'm not going to say it's romantic. Plus Clarke and Gaia are separated by the end of 7x04. Clarke believes Gaia is with Madi but Gaia disappears in the Anomaly. So both of Madi's "parents" are gone and Madi is left alone in Sanctum. With a head full of memories from previous Hedas and a Sheidheda back in the form of Russell. Those drawings will be important this season, which is why Gaia and Clarke were looking through them.

Sure, in the end we might see Clarke in the finale with Madi, living a happy life, Madi getting a childhood, maybe even Gaia will be around and it'll be left to the audience to decide the natur of Clarke and Gaia's relationship in a potential future after the show has ended. But I do not believe they will develop a romantic storyline between Clarke and Gaia DURING season 7. Clarke and Gaia can become close, friendly and maybe it'll end with Clarke leaving Madi with Gaia in the end, someone she now cares about and trust. For Clarke to be able to do that, she needs scenes with Gaia which she will have in 7x03 and 7x04. But even though I have less than kind things to say about Jason, I do not at this time believe he will develop a love story for Clarke out of nowhere and with a character she just NOW is starting to have scenes with. I'm not saying it CAN'T or WON'T happen this season but I do not see it as of now and I need to see more of the season to change my mind. If anything, I think Jason should know better than released that script and get accused of queerbaiting. He should know better.

[bananaofswifts]

Around this time of year, the Taylor Swift anniversaries come at you thick and fast.

Nine years since her third album, Speak Now, every note of which was written entirely by Swift, hit the shelves. Five years since she released her mould-breaking pop album, 1989, and went from the world’s biggest country star to the world’s biggest pop star overnight. Two years since her Reputation record saw her become the only musician to post four successive million-plus debut sales weeks in the United States. And so on.

But today, Swift’s mind is drawn further back, to the 13th anniversary of her debut, self-titled record, and the days when her album releases weren’t automatically accompanied by mountains of hype and enough think-pieces to sink a battleship. Her journal entries from the time – helpfully reprinted as part of the deluxe editions of her new album, Lover – reveal her as an excited, optimistic teenager, but also one with a grasp of marketing strategies and label politics way beyond her years, even if she was reluctant to actually take credit for her ideas.

“It always was and it always will be an interesting dance being a young woman in the music industry,” she smiles ruefully. “We don’t have a lot of female executives, we’re working on getting more female engineers and producers but, while we are such a drastic gender minority, it’s interesting to try and figure out how to be.”

And, of course, when Swift started out she was, as she points out, “an actual kid”.

“I was planning the release of my first album when I was 15 years old,” she reminisces. “And I was a fully gangly 15, I reminded everyone of their niece! I was in this industry in Nashville and country music, where I was making album marketing calls, but I never wanted to stand up and say, ‘Yeah, that promotions plan you just complimented my label on, I thought of that! Me and my Mom thought of that!’

“When you’re a new artist you wonder how much space you can take up and, as a woman, you wonder how much space you can take up pretty much your whole period of growing up,” she continues. “For me, growing up and knowing that I was an adult was realising that I was allowed to take up space from a marketing perspective, from a business perspective, from an opinionated perspective. And that feels a lot better than constantly trying to wonder if I’m allowed to be here.”

In the intervening years, Taylor Swift has released six further, brilliant albums, growing from country starlet to all-conquering pop behemoth along the way. She takes up “more space”, as she would put it, than any other musician on the planet: a sales and now – having belatedly embraced the format with Lover – streaming phenomenon; a powerhouse stadium performer; an award-garlanded songwriter for herself and others; and a social media giant with a combined 278 million followers across Instagram, Twitter and Facebook (which would make the Taylor Nation the fourth most populous one on earth, after China, India and the US).

But her influence on music and the music industry doesn’t end there. Because, over the years, Swift has also become a leading advocate for artists’ and songwriters’ rights, in a digital landscape that doesn’t always have such matters as a priority.

In 2015, she stood up to Apple Music over its plans to not pay artist royalties during subscribers’ three-month free trials (Apple backed down immediately). She pulled her entire catalogue from Spotify in 2014 in protest that its free tier was devaluing music, sending Daniel Ek scrambling to justify his business model. When she returned in 2017, it was a crucial fillip for the streaming service’s IPO plans.

More recently, her ground-breaking new record deal with Republic Records contained clauses not only guaranteeing her ownership of her future masters, but also ensuring Universal Music will share the spoils of its Spotify shares with its artists, without any payments counting against unrecouped balances. And when her long-time former label boss Scott Borchetta sold Big Machine to Scooter Braun’s Ithaca Holdings, taking Swift’s first six albums with him, the star publicly called out what she saw as her “worst-case scenario” and stressed: “You deserve to own the art you make”. She may yet re-record her old songs in protest.

In short, Swift has, for a long time now, been unafraid to use her voice on industry matters, whether they pertain to her own stellar career or the thousands of other artists out there struggling to make a living.

All of which makes Swift not just the greatest star of our age, but perhaps the most important to the future development of the industry as a more artist-centric, songwriter-friendly business. Hers is still the life of the pop phenomenon – she spent today in Los Angeles doing promotion and photoshoots (or, in her words, “having people put make-up on me”) as Lover continues to build on huge critical acclaim and even huger initial sales. But now, she’s kicking back with her cats – one of whom seems determined to disrupt Music Week’s interview by “stampeding” through at every opportunity – and ready to talk business.

And for Swift, business is good. The impact of her joining streaming, and the decline of traditional album sales, may have prevented her from posting a fifth successive one million-plus sales debut, but Lover still sold more US copies (867,000) in its first week than any record since her own Reputation. It’s sold 117,513 copies to date in the UK, according to the Official Charts Company.

Even better, while Reputation – a record forged in the white heat of a social media snakestorm over her on-going feud with Kanye West – was plenty of show and rather less grow, Lover continues to reveal hidden depths. Reputation struck a sometimes curious contrast between the unrepentant warrior Swift she was showing to the outside world and the love story with British actor Joe Alwyn that was quietly developing behind closed doors, but Lover is the sort of versatile, cohesive album that the streaming age was supposed to kill off.

It contains more than its fair share of pop bangers (You Need To Calm Down, Me!), but also some gorgeously-crafted acoustic tracks (Lover, Cornelia Street), some pithy political commentary (The Man, Miss America & The Heartbreak Prince) and the sort of musical diversions (Paper Rings’ irresistible rockabilly stomp, the childlike oddity of It’s Nice To Have A Friend) that no other pop superstar would have the sheer musical chops to attempt, let alone pull off.

“Taylor’s creative instincts as an artist and songwriter are brilliant,” says Monte Lipman, founder and CEO of Swift’s US label, Republic. “Our partnership represents a strategic alliance built on mutual respect, trust, and complete transparency. Her vision is extraordinary as she sets the tone for every campaign and initiative.”

No wonder David Joseph, chairman/CEO of her long-time UK label Virgin EMI’s parent company Universal Music UK, is thrilled with how things are going.

“Love Story was a fitting first single release for Taylor here – she’s loved the UK from day one and has engaged so much with her fans and teams,” says Joseph. “She really respects and values what’s going on here creatively. To see her go from playing the Students’ Union at King’s College to Wembley Stadium has been extraordinary. Taylor is an artist constantly striving for perfection, and with Lover – from my personal point of view, her most accomplished work to date – her songwriting has gone to a new level. I adore working with her and whilst it’s been more than 10 years this still feels like the start.”

And today, Swift is keen to concentrate on the present and future. She has a starring role in Cats coming up (and a new song on the soundtrack, Beautiful Ghosts, co-written with Andrew Lloyd Webber) and, after a spectacularly intimate Paris launch show in September, festival dates and her own LoverFest to plan (UK shows will be revealed soon). Time, then, to tell the cats to calm down and sit down with Music Week to talk streaming, contracts and why she’s “obsessed” with the music industry…

Unlike with Reputation, most of the discussion around Lover seems to have been focused on the music…

“Absolutely! One of the ideas I had about this record, and something I’ve implemented into my life in the last couple of years is that I don’t like distractions. And, for a while, it felt like my life had to come with distractions from the music, whether it was tabloid fascination with my personal life or my friendships or what I was wearing. I realised in the last couple of years that, if I don’t give a window into distraction, people can’t try to look in and see something other than the music. I love that, if you really pour yourself into the idea that an album is still important and try really hard to make something that is worth people’s attention span, time and energy, that can still come across. Because we are living in an industry right now where everyone’s rushing towards taking us into a singles industry and, in some cases, it has become that. But there are still some cases where clearly the album is important to people.”

Does it matter that some new artists won’t get to make albums the way you always have?

“It’s interesting. Five years ago I wrote an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal and said, maybe in the next five years, we would see artists releasing music the way that they want to. I thought that each artist would start to curate what is important to them, not just from an artistic standpoint but from a marketing standpoint. It’s really interesting to see different release plans, if you look at what Drake did and then what Beyoncé does, incredible artists who have really curated what it is to drop music in their own way. We all do it differently, which is cool. As long as people dropping just singles want to be doing that, then I’m fine with it, but if it feels like a big general wave that’s being pressured by people in power, their teams or their labels, that’s not cool. But I do really hope that in the future artists have more of a say over strategy. We’re not just supposed to make art and then hand it to a team that masterminds it.”

Were you worried about putting an album on streaming on release day for the first time?

“Well, there are ways that streaming services could really promote the [whole] album in a more incentivised way. We could have album charts on streaming. The industry follows where they can get prizes. So you have a singles chart on streaming services which is great but, if you split things up into genre charts for example, that would really incentivise people. It’s important that we keep trying to strive to make the experience better for users but also make it more interesting for artists to keep wanting to achieve. But I really did love the experience of putting the album on streaming. I loved the immediacy, I loved that people who maybe weren’t a huge diehard fan were curious and saying, ‘I wonder what this is like’ and listening to it and deciding that they liked it.”

You’d resisted streaming for a long time. Have you changed your mind about the format now?

“I always knew that I would enjoy the aspects of streaming that make [your music] so immediately available to so many people. That’s the part of it that I unequivocally always felt really sad I was missing out on. There wasn’t ever a day when I woke up and I was like, ‘Oh, I’m really glad that multitudes of people don’t have access to my music!’ So I always knew that streaming was an incredible mechanism and model for the future but I still don’t think we have the royalties and compensation system worked out. That’s between the labels and their artists and I realised that me, to use a gross word, ‘leveraging’ what I can bring to cut a better deal for the artists at my record label was really important for me.”

How big a factor were things like that in you signing to Republic/Universal?

“That’s important to me because that means they’re adopting some of my ideas. If they take me on as an artist that means they really thought it through. Because with me, come opinions about how we can better our industry. I’m one of the only people in the artist realm who can be loud about it. People who are on their fifth, sixth or seventh album, we’re the only ones who can speak out, because new artists and producers and writers need to work. They need to be endearing and likeable and available to their labels and streaming services at all times. It’s up to the artists who have been around for a second to say, ‘Hey guys, the producers and the writers and the artists are the ones who are making music what it is’. And we’re in a great place in music right now thanks to them. They should be going to their mailbox and feeling like they’ve got a pension plan, rather than feeling like, ‘Oh yay, I can pay half my rent this month after this No.1 song’.”

Did you have more creative freedom making Lover than on your previous albums?

“In my previous situation, there were creative constraints, issues that we had over the years. I’ve always given 100% to projects, I always over-delivered, thinking that that generosity would be returned to me. But I ended up finding that generosity in a new situation with a new label that understands that I deserve to own what I make. That meant so much to me because it was given over to me so freely. When someone just looks at you and says ‘Yes, you deserve what you want’, after a decade or more of being told, ‘I’m not sure you deserve what you want’ – there’s a freedom that comes with that. It’s like when people find ‘the one’ they’re like, ‘It was easy, I just knew and I felt free’. All of a sudden you’re being told you’re worth exactly, no, more than what you thought you were worth. And that made me feel I could make an album that was exactly what I wanted to make. There’s an eclectic side to Lover, a confessional side, it varies from acoustic to really poppy pop, but that’s what I like to do. And, while you would never make something artistic based on something so unromantic as a contract, it was more than that. It was a group of people saying, ‘We believe in what you’re making, go make what you want to make and you deserve to own it too’.”

You’re obviously not happy about what’s happened at Big Machine since you left. But will the attention mean artists don’t find themselves in this situation in the future?

“I hope so. That’s the only reason that I speak out about things. The fans don’t understand these things, the public isn’t being made aware. This generation has so much information available to them so I thought it was important that the fans knew what I was going through, because I knew it was going to affect every aspect of my life and I wanted them to be the first to know. And in and amongst that group, I know there are people that want to make music some day. It involves every new artist that is reading that and going, ‘Wait, that’s what I’m signing?’ They don’t have to sign stuff that’s unfair to them. If you don’t ask the right questions and you sit in front of the wrong desk in front of the wrong person, they can take everything from you.”

Songwriters are in dispute with Spotify in the US over its decision to appeal the Copyright Board decision to boost songwriting royalties. Do writers need more respect?

“Absolutely. In terms of the power structure, the songwriters, the producers, the engineers, the people who are breathing magic into our industry, need to be listened to. They’re not being greedy. This is legitimately an industry where people are having trouble paying their bills and they’re the most talented people we have. This isn’t them sitting in their mansions going, ‘I wish this mansion was bigger and I would like a yacht please’. This is actually people who are going to work every single day. I got into writing when I was in Nashville and it was very much like what I read about the Brill Building. You would write every day, whether you were inspired or not, and in the process I met artists and writers. Somebody would walk in and someone would say, ‘Oh, he’s still getting mailbox money from that Faith Hill cut a couple of years ago, he’s set’. That’s not a thing anymore. Mailbox money is a thing of the past and we need to remember that these are the people that create the heartbeat that we’re all dancing to or crying to.”

You were clearly aware of music industry machinations from a young age…

“Reading back on the journal entries, I forgot how obsessed I was with the industry as a teenager. I was so fascinated by how it works and how it was changing. Every part of it was interesting to me. I had drawn the stages for most of my tours a year before I went on them. That really was fun for me as a teenager! A lot of people who start out very young in music, either don’t have a say or don’t have the will to do the business side of it, but weirdly that was so much fun for me to try and learn. I had a lot of energy when I was 16!”

Are you doing similar drawings for next year’s LoverFest?

“Definitely. And that’s why it’s still fun for me to take on a challenge like, ‘Oh, let’s just plan our own festival’. Let’s create a bill of artists and try and make it as fun as possible for the fans. I’m so intrigued by what that’s going to be like.”

Finally, when we last did an interview in 2015, you said in five years’ time you wanted to be “finding complexity in happiness”. How has that worked out?

“That’s exactly what’s happened with this album! I think a lot of writers have the fear of stability, emotional health and happiness. Our whole careers, people make jokes about how, ‘Just wait until you meet someone nice, you’ll run out of stuff to write about’. I was talking to [Cats director] Tom Hooper about this because he said one thing his mother taught him was, ‘Don’t ever let people tell you that you can’t make art if you’re happy’. I thought that was so amazing. He’s a creator in a completely different medium but he has been subjected to that same joke over and over again that we must be miserable to create. Lover is important to me in so many ways, but it’s so imperative for me as a human being that songwriting is not tied to my own personal misery. It’s good to know that, it really is!”