#plus he had alleged sex with two other dudes

[mongo-the-liensis]

Carl is so... He's just some guy. He's the messiah. He's a war criminal. He's hope personified. He has killed babies. He's a cultist. He's a cishet ally but everyone thinks he's bisexual. He has daddy issues. He has PTSD. He's straight but he has a boyfriend. He really loves his friends. He has a mental illness. He loves his cat more than anyone and anything else in the world. He's an anarchist. He is slowly going insane. He's a fan favourite crawler. He's a mass murderer. The AI is in love with him. He makes inspirational speeches. He monologues. He's anti-establishment. He's traumatised. He pulls a lot of bitches but doesn't pay attention to them. He sees his friends as his family. He's street smart. He has gotten hit by a train.

[stephenjaymorrisblog]

#A Childless Cat Dude

Stephen Jay Morris

9/23/2024

©Scientific Morality

Autumn came early to the Catskills this year.  Yellow and brown leaves from the Walnut and Maple trees have already blanketed our front yard. Squirrels fight each other for exclusivity of a tree. I can hear them chattering to each other like the married couple/neighbors on the east side of our house. A family just across the highway has a flagpole waving Old Glory and a “Trump for president” flag beneath it. I wonder if they get paid for that.

I’m glad it’s raining. That family I mentioned includes four boys, a mom and a dad, the latter of whom makes sure the boys engage in daily physical activities, like basketball, pickleball, and riding around on mini-motor bikes. He doesn’t want his boys to waste time playing video games! Almost every day throughout Spring and Summer, you can hear them harping and laughing at each other. The youngest son might have Autism. He runs around the yard, screaming like a banshee while his mother sits on a plastic chair and stares at her cell phone. I have never heard him use any English words. Let the rain fall. I’d rather hear the tranquil rain drops on my windowpane than testosterone-fueled grunts and groans. I am not impressed by masculinity nor with Machiavellian Femineity.

Right wing propaganda lingers in the atmosphere like an elephant fart. You see, White Nationalists are concerned about the White birth rate falling below 65%. White people might become a minority in our country. Oh, the pain!

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, the anti-abortion movement is not about being humanitarian to the helpless, innocent fetus. It’s about increasing the White population. Why do you think they want to outlaw birth control, masturbation, anal sex, and premarital sex? To make America White again! Of course, they deny this allegation. They maintain that it’s all about a fetal heartbeat. Sure, it is. I’m certain that they’ll try their hardest to pass a law providing that if a White female doesn’t have a child before she’s 30, then she’ll be arrested and taken to a Jesus Camp where there are Aryan soldiers waiting for her in the Joy Division room.

So, one Republican, who shall not be named, declared that the Democrats are full of childless cat women. Ever since Eve—from the Garden of Eden fame���took a bite of the apple from the Tree of Knowledge, men have been engaged in goofy misogamy and vicious mistreatment. That, plus their view that if females don’t use their natural equipment to make babies, then they are useless. Talk about a double standard. If a male is a bachelor and has lots of sex, that’s okay. If a woman raises and rescues cats, then she is an old maid.

I tried having kids, but there were physical barriers and medical problems. Both my and my wife’s families have histories of mental illness. We would likely have had at least one mentally ill child. Also, I think I would have been a crummy father. Plus, I don’t have to send my cats to college.

Why do I have an affection for felines? Well, they are not high maintenance, like dogs are. Don’t get me wrong, however—I am a dog lover, too! But cats, they don’t need to be walked, and there is no need to carry around a poop bag because they bury their own waste in an indoor “litter box.” Some say cats are aloof. It may seem that way, but in actuality, they are deep thinkers, contemplating your soul or listening to sounds that are up to two miles away. The only complaint I have about cats is their proclivity to knead furniture. Kneading is natural to them, so we easily solved this problem by providing our cats with a cat tree and other kitty-specific scratching posts.

No way am I anthropocentric, nor am I deontological. However, despite philosophical polemics, I trust my cats more than I would a CIA agent. If I’m missing some money from my wallet, I’m not going to blame my cats! Animals are far more trustworthy than Republicans.

So, in conclusion, I am a Childless Cat Dude and proud of it!

[isakvaltersnake]

Maybe it’s because I am old, 37, I actually felt more pity towards Omar than anger. Ander has ignored, kept secrets from and belittled him for two seasons, first because of Polo and then because of his illness, so I can understand that Omar had enough. Plus I don’t think that a 17/18-year-old should have to take care of a cancer patient as much as he did, especially without support from adults. In a perfect world he should have broken up with Ander first but how do you dump a cancer patient. 1/2

2/2 Plus Ander told him to have sex with someone else so Malick wasn’t cheating in my eyes. I am not sure if they ever had an exclusive relationship because Omar was ok with Ander fooling around with Polo. I hoped that they would have broken up because Ander told Omar that he treats him like shit because he always comes back which isn’t healthy and Omar seemed to have feelings for Malick so they aren’t really ready to be in an adult relationship.

so a lot happening here and i’ll try to touch on it all and i should start by saying, i am also 31 so i think differing opinions on this stuff probably has more to do with exposures and individual life experience than age.  

one: ander having kept secrets from omar and belittling him. so the first case of secrets was because of his best friend having murdered his other best friend’s sister. i don’t know that i blame him for keeping that one a secret, it’s a reactionary response from a kid who also wanted to keep his relationship, the only area of light he had at that time, completely separate. the next secret being his own cancer, which he was convinced would kill him, a teenager, yea i don’t think i blame him for keeping that one to himself for a while either, who could. as for belittling him??? maybe i missed this but the only thing i can even think that would come close is his internalized homophobia last season which.... bruh, come on, i encourage you to do some self education about internalized homophobia cause it’s a bitch

two: omar having a poor reaction as a teenager who’s partner is diagnosed with cancer. yes, this is actually the opinion here that i’m most aligned with and if it stopped at pushing him away and being reckless or not handling the cancer well then i would be very sympathetic. but instead they wrote him as being completely cold blooded about it in pretty short order. after everything those two had been through for his boyfriend, who he loves, to be diagnosed with cancer and suddenly because he doesn’t feel like fucking right now he’s just out?? it doesn’t make sense in the context of the foundation they’ve built over the past two seasons. not to mention the sudden 180 that happens in the finale. it was just messy, poorly conceived and clearly put together out of a desire to be as messy and dramatic as possible.

three: the open relationship thing. well they’ve never discussed one way or another and both of them throw it out as a last ditch effort to give each other happiness in impossible situations so, i don’t think i’d qualify that as a super healthy open relationship. omar forgave ander for polo, that’s true, and you can argue that it’s because he’d pushed ander away at that point and it could have been interpreted as them having been broken up. i think you’ll find that ander also forgave omar for malick, to the extent that he actually tries to push him away because he thinks it’s what he wants. there are a couple key differences here, one is that ander told omar about polo immediately after it happened where omar lied and was hiding malick, two polo was a one off where malick was not, and three while ander told omar he could mess around omar brushed this off which, if that’s me in that relationship, seems like him suggesting he has no plans to pursue that, and finally the presence of these alleged “feelings” between omar and malick, which brings us to...

four: the development of these feelings between omar and malick. again, maybe i missed it cause all it looked like to me was two dudes who were sexually compatible. we saw next to no emotional development so miss me with that personally. 

ultimately as i said different people consume media differently, but to me their relationship and omar’s character, who had before this season been my favourite, felt betrayed for the sake of cheap dramatics

[princess--catherine]

Maybe y’all will hate me for this, I’m all for women’s rights and the Me Too movement but has it maybe taken a turn it shouldn’t have? I can already feel the hatred

Just in the past couple weeks I’ve seen at least 3 “predators/rapists exposed”, and after looking into it I saw no predatory behavior to expose that was given. And people are losing their shit over this “cancelation?” The evidence for this one? “Had a minor backstage”...you think that didn’t and doesn’t currently happen with idk, every Disney star EVER and boy band on the radio? I’m sure a portion of Billie Eilish fans who’s parents buy backstage passes are REAL young, is she cancelled too? Since when does having a minor in your presence = any type of sexual behavior? This allegation causally mentions “backstage minor” and quickly moves to “predator” with no cohesion there. Since when does an adult simply being around a minor automatically make you guilty of doing sick shit? The “evidence” shown was pretty pathetic: cropped and blocked out texts with no name as to who it’s from, no name but said star predator, no time stamp or date, no pics, no voice memos, no emails, no proof of any kind that there was any truth to the claims, no detail, no real allegation actually even made from what I saw. Unless the “so and so did this” part was in invisible ink. I could literally google the date of a ‘insert famous person here’ concert or general tour dates, and do the same with a texting app or with someone else’s phone. This is an Accusation on someone of a serious sex crime on the sole basis maybe 5 texts, some of which are hidden, and ALL of which are anonymous, detail no criminal activity, are never worth ending or attempting to make sure someone’s career over.

Another one I saw was an explanation that another social media person made a somewhat crude comment/gusture towards a woman he knew but wasn’t super familiar with. One time, no actual touching. He was later told by a friend “not cool, other lady friend did not like”, he did as he should have and apologized, and it didn’t happen again- admittedly on both sides. The two girls told him everything was cool and okay, no harm no foul, don’t worry about it. It didn’t happen again and the friendship continued. Days later, “evidence” comes out from one of them citing him as a sexual predator for this situation. This incident. Yeah, it’s not cool to get in peoples space or compliment them in certain ways if your friendship is not on that level and it hasn’t been established. That I agree with, that it simply wasn’t very polite, but a) no one was actually touched physically in anyway and b) the “crude” comment from my understanding was about an outfit fitting her well or being firm fitting. Yeah, that might make ya feel a lil icky, but there was no sexual suggestion or threat. There’s a huge difference between unwanted attention and sexual harassment. Someone else later gets involved but says she’s “not comfortable/willing to discuss” but still insists he’s a predator but doesn’t show a single shred of any involvement or information. If I was these people being falsely accused, getting death treats and doxxed, and ultimately, “cancelled”/therefore loss of income possibly long term , with basically no evidence or someone saying shit like “yes, that’s a predator. Nobody gets to know why I’m saying that though. I don’t want to relive it, my bad. You horrible people need to stop supporting this sex offender!” I’d be sueing the shit out of someone and everyone for slander. Like this is unreal to me. It really blows my mind.

Before you message me hateful shit, hear me out. I’m not saying these guys are stand up, amazing, perfectly well behaved dudes. I’m not saying they’ve never done anything predatory or wrong before in their lives or careers. Lord knows narcissistic and higher than thou types run entertainment. I’m sure they all got their attitude and behavioral problems. I’m just saying the info I just read and described is almost nothing being real generous, no rational person sees that and labels someone a sex offender. You’re accusing someone of a very serious crime, in a lot of cases a fat ole felony, being a RSO list sometimes for a lifetime. Bill Cosby? Deserve it. Weinstien? Deserve it. Epstein? Deserved to be under the jail. I understand there’s not always physical evidence, or maybe there’s not enough to build a case/a case is unwanted by victim. Some say they want people to know and be warned. If that’s what you truly want, you truly truly are trying to protect others, go in 150%. Everything you got. But when this person publicly and openly calling someone out by name for being a “rapist/sexual predator”, absolutely dragging them thru the mud, and the reasoning, the justification for this is that he was dating other women? nah sis. That’s not how this works, getting played, while scummy, is NOT RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT/etc. (*this is excluding things that don’t apply to this particular story like recanting consent or knowingly passing on an STI) So sure, he’s a probably a POS, clearly unloyal, he’s maybe learned the art of sweet talkin his way into this one way monogamous relationship, and I frankly wouldnt feel bad if one of those girls who got played popped 3 of his tires, bought a fuck ton of spiders and sneak them into his bedroom or something. But not jail or prison. What he did (unless other info comes out) isn’t something to be uplifted or encouraged, it’s poor, unfair behavior. But what he did is not CRIMINAL. It’s just shitty and inconsiderate. And I know y’all are reading this thinkin “fuck this bitch”, making assumptions before you read a fraction of what I’m saying.

So let me explain a situation I was accidentally involved in a few years ago with someone who was “famous” around those parts and had lots of fans and groupies. Let’s call him “Lee”. Long story short, a friend and I were with him and different other people basically from like 8-9 pm to around 4 am. He was alone (out of my sight) only 3 times: once to use the bathroom at my friends before leaving, once in the men’s bathroom at a club, and for maybe 5 minutes when I had to change at my friends place before going back over. They lived in the same complex and stuff so it was basically throwing on some sweats and taking an elevator down. We hangout, drink, smoke, talk. Lowkey, chill.

I wake up the next day, someone texted me this link about “Lee” raping a girl. I’m thinking “holy shit, that’s scary and insane, we were just with him last night drinking and shit.” Keep reading...it says it was the night before. Same date we were with him. And the time the assault supposedly took place was when we had come back to his place, where other people were already there, we were sitting there forever talking/whatever, this girl who pointed the finger was not even in the room and left before we did. She poked her head in once and asked where Lee’s roommate was. He told her cookout, it’s late so it’ll be a minute. Asked her if she wanted to hang out with us. She declined. So I figured maybe this info was wrong somehow and at the time I wasn’t making the connection between that girl and this story. I was like, no way a girl would lie about that of all things and especially knowing it’d likely get picked up by the local media, or at least local gossip. Her life here would be over. My friend and I decided to go talk to the police even though I avoid the damn police at all costs. The first thing I asked this officer was: “are you POSITIVE this is the date, place, and time, and are you POSITIVE “Lee” is who she is accusing?” And I asked that mostly because I was not about to defend or vouch for someone about a situation I wasn’t present for. Also, I wasn’t the biggest fan of “Lee”, so I sure as shit I wasn’t getting myself involved and going to bat for him without knowing it’s right. The Officer was very adamant that all that info was correct, victim was very sure. I explained to him everything I explained above, but I’m sure in better detail and included texts, pics, videos all with times, plus receipts showing how this isn’t adding up. He wasn’t alone the entire night and early morning. Officer ask me if she (the victim) was visiting a roommate of Lee’s, if they were sleeping together during her visit, I told him the truth which was that I didn’t really know for sure but it was a possibility. He told me somebody else had claimed she was no longer welcome for unknown reasons and believed this to be be related. I explain to the officer that I won’t speak on her time with the roommate because I saw her only long enough for her to ask a question and respond to another. Before she peeped out the door, I had no clue anyone was in there. I said I think she told me her name but I’m awful with names even sober so. He started getting kinda hostile and cutting me short. I repeated exactly what I told him the first time: I’m only speaking on what I witnessed and what I know to be true. So, if you and she are correctly reciting the time, place, person being accused, this accusation is untrue. He first makes a bitchy threat like “you know these girls who lie for these athlete boys can really get in trouble? They all end up broke after the NFL anyway if they even make it. Lying for a friend is illegal, that’s breaking the law and will get YOU in jail.” I lost all my fear of speaking to a police officer at this point because they KNOW this man did not just call me a liar to my face despite my 1:2 of the evidence already fucking up this accusation. I told him that I honestly wasn’t a fan either professionally or personally of “Lee” and I would lie for no one regardless of friendship or status about this, I’d turn in my own flesh and bloood brother and sing like a bird if I caught him doing any sex offender shit. So again, I told this slow man with 2 braincelle this was the reason I asked about how sure he was and he believed the victim was, on the time, place, person, etc. Officer says something along the lines of “well, something happened to this girl and this boy’s gonna be hurtin for it. Someone’s getting charged here.” Which I dunno bout y’all, maybe I’m reading it wrong. But What I gathered from that is: “I’ve decided to be judge and jury in this situation and moreorless declare this young man guilty despite evidence in front of my own eyeballs that shows that there is a good chance the accused is innocent.

I have no idea why this happened. But after we spoke to that dickhead cop it was dropped relatively quickly. I don’t remember now if she pulled the charges herself or the state denied to prosecute. And even still, this followed him. The internet is forever. When his great grandkids google his college career, that will show up. Please keep in mind this was a black athlete, playing ball for a big college in the south, with a white girl accuser, all the cops I saw at that station were white in the short time I was there and at least the one I spoke to had his mind made up. He was loud and clear about that. He said basically the same to my friend who was interviewed separately, that he was determined to convict him, he was “the one”. This city I’m speaking of has been sued for police brutality against BPOC and I’ve heard my friends/classmates getting called the N word (hard ER) in the broad, open day light. So yeah add that info in with the rest and come to your own conclusion.

Before anyone comes for my throat again: idk exactly what DID happen but I know what DID NOT. Which to be clear, is pretty specifically: this rape with this person, did not happen here and at this time. So I’m not saying something didn’t happen but under different circumstances. I know trauma can mess with memories and if something did happen under different circumstances, I am so sorry that happened to her, I wouldn’t wish sexual assault on my worst enemy. I’m also not saying she necessarily had ill intentions or knew it would proceed and go viral as it did. The point is I just don’t know, no clue. Not throwing any blame or shade her way, all blame and shade on that cop though. ACABs, no excuse for his ass.

Anyway, y’all don’t gotta believe this since it’s been a few years and I highly doubt that stuff is anywhere in my phone like 4 iPhones and two laptops later. No reason to front, I don’t gain anything by lying but a guilty conscience. But this scenario that I btw, very much did not wish to be a part of, showed me another side of things. Can we agree to yes of course, trust and support women but also trust evidence and testimony? While, yes, stats show few women lie about this, can we at the same time understand questioning and thoroughly investigating such a heinous crime? Can we also recognize the system is literally built to “serve & protect” some by severely and systematically oppressing others? There are people, too many damn people, who have lost absolutely everything, served major time in big boy maximum security 23-1s, and have been put to death, based on biases and little to no evidence.

Next time you see an accusation, regardless of what it is, please do a little research. Make your own conclusion. Put yourself in their shoes, would you want to be “convicted” (either legally or through SM bullshit) on a snip it of convo with almost no information/context? Called a rapist cause you led someone on? No. You wouldn’t. Actually for any crime for that matter. You would reasonably ask and expect for it to be fair, two sided, and with as much evidence or info as possible. So let’s treat musicians, athletes, influencers, celebs the same way. Let’s not condemn before gathering as much information as possible. If not, I am so afraid we will drive an innocent person to suicide. We would all feel so guilty if someone was driven to suicide over false or misleading statements. Let’s avoid this, please.

[onisiondrama]

onision.co questions part 4

He didn’t answer the next 80 questions so I just included the rest of his answers.

Question for ya bub.  How does kai feel about all of these accusations?  They seem to be pretty inactive whilst you go on a love spree/ tumblr dom spree.

Onision Staff answered 6 hours ago

Kai can speak about his own feelings whenever he chooses.

In light of recent events will you give your dad a second chance? Since you and Kai are facing what you claim to be false accusations… do you not think the same could be said of your father?You’ve claimed multiple people have spoken out about your dad. Multiple people have spoken out about both you and Kai and yet you dismiss those claims. To paraphrase one of your recent quotes, if he really did commit a crime wouldn’t he be in jail?

Onision Staff answered 6 hours ago

My father and I have many issues, ones that extend beyond my own family members claiming he did things. If I found out my father was innocent, we would still not be speaking due to other things he has done to me specifically.

replied 6 hours ago

Tbh he’s probably pretty ashamed of the man you became. Doubt he would want anything to do with you either.

replied 5 hours ago

Who are you to judge someone’s family dynamics… ? He doesn’t need your, nor his fathers approval.

Onision Staff replied 5 hours ago

*shrugs* He doesn’t know me, not many people do.

About the grooming… So do you honestly see nothing wrong with knowing Sarah since she was like 15-16, being her legal guardian, referring to her as a “little sister” in your videos, saying how there would never be anything between you because that would be gross, and then finally, once she’s 18, have sex with her? Was that very honest of you, Mr. One Of The Most Honest Youtubers?

Onision Staff answered 6 hours ago

I didn’t meet that person till they were 16. Legal of consent is 16, and still nothing happened. The fact that nothing happened between any of us at 16, 17 & even right when she turned 18, that says it all. Especially considering as I understand only a medical waiver was signed, meaning we were not her legal guardians or anything. Just people who coexisted for years without any gross situations. Wish her well on the rest of her hopefully long/happy life though ~

replied 5 hours ago

any gross situations? like your spouse sending and asking for nudes from underage girls (proof of which can be found on the laineybot twitter) yeah sure greg. the legal age of consent is only if the person with the 16 year old isn’t that much older than them you fucking idiot. I hope kai is crying~

Why have you been making the same content for 10 years? Why is almost every ‘punchline’ someone getting shot or someone screaming? Do you not find that gets stale after a thousand times?Maybe consider going on a script-writing course?    

Onision Staff answered 5 hours ago

I like my videos. That’s what matters to me, among other things.

replied 3 hours ago

dude no offense but if you want more viewers, you might want to change up your content. You can make comedy sketches but try to change it up a bit. Have you considered that’s why your youtube channel’s failing miserably. That and there’s documented evidence over the years of how badly you treat others…..yeah. Perhaps if you took criticism, you you wouldn’t be in this mess.

why did your husband accept and send nudes to minors? You always say “the age of consent in Washington is 16 years old”, but that’s regarding sexual contact/relationships. That doesn’t regard child grooming and that doesn’t include sending nudes to a then-17 year old and accepting nudes from a then-15 year old. what’s the explanation behind this and why are you and your husband so adamant in the face of screenshots and evidence?

Onision Staff answered 5 hours ago

I establish the legal age many times to address the fact that no one pursued a 16, 17 or even someone who just turned 18. Kai doesn’t want to be talked about, he communicated that, but I can say I don’t know what you’re talking about with the 15 year old thing. I’ve never seen any evidence of someone sending anyone anything like what you are referring to. As for Kai speaking to someone who was of the age of consent via text, he still never had any desire to send anyone any images like what you are referring to. In other words, people are thinking evil things, so they make evil claims, when in fact, Kai is a good person. That aside, I shouldn’t talk about him because he does not want to be talked about. Future conversations should probably only involve me.

replied 5 hours ago

Greg, Kai is 6 years older than said minor. If you’re 5+ years older than the minor and engage in sexual activity (nudes included) in Washington, you are considered a criminal. We’ve all seen the nude photos that Kai sent. Would you like to see the legal evidence of this? Why don’t you take a seat and let your shell of a husband defend himself for once? He’ll have to do it once he’s in court anyway 🙂

replied 5 hours ago

Kai posted said nude as a normal photo on instagram too so, there’s that. No one blackmailed you two. No one raped you two. I don’t know what narrative you two are spinning, but it’s very sad considering you’re both 33 and 24 years old and most of the allegations are coming from women who are or close to 19 years old. Also, said then-15 year old was friends with this person you’re both spinning the narrative against. Plus Gig Harbor and Pierce County PD are aware of the situation and want everyone to send in evidence. James, are you waiting for them to do so? This is a bad hill to plant yourself on. You are not Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp’s former spouses didn’t speak up against him to corroborate the stories of the victim(s).

[volturialice]

Do you think jasper and Alice are intimate and do you think jasper was also intimate with Maria ? Like How much did Alice see ?

ok I have a lot of Thots™ so I basically wrote a 2 page paper in reply to this. in order to answer it I’m gonna have to get into a lot of jasper/maria background stuff so here’s your warning for abuse mentions under the cut. if you wanna skip to the part where I actually answer the questions, it’s about halfway down

i. on jasper and maria

ok, first I think it’s important to note the differences between book canon and movie canon. nowhere in book canon does it state that jasper and maria were ever together in a romantic or physical sense—nowhere. so if that’s your interpretation of canon, it’s totally valid! whomst really knows (or cares, at this point) what smeyer intended?

it makes total sense to me that the movies decided to make their relationship explicitly romantic. for one, it’s an easier and more engaging visual shorthand than jasper just verbally explaining “yeah I was really devoted to her cause and brainwashed and stuff.” for another, it lets us draw the obvious parallels between jasper/maria and riley/victoria, which we really don’t talk about enough and which was another smart visual storytelling move (that scene with maria and victoria whispering to monster!jasper? poetic fucking cinema)

but also, I’m of two minds about the whole thing. on the one hand, the “evil man-eater lady seduces innocent dude and makes him do her evil dirty work by manipulating him through sex” trope is rather icky and tired. I dislike the implication that sex is a woman’s only weapon/the only way she could possibly get this guy to follow her and do her bidding. I dislike the implication that men are all feebleminded, sex crazed monsters and therefore this guy couldn’t possibly have resisted her wicked wiles and it’s not his fault he turned to the dark side. ew.

but on the other hand…I kinda love jasper/maria. and for the record, when I say I ship that, I absolutely do not mean “I think this relationship is healthy and abuse is romantic and I want them to live happily ever after.” nope. no. what I mean is “I find this dynamic fascinatingly horrific and I want to read and write about it a lot.” you may think it’s gross and toxic, and that’s totally valid (see above paragraph.) but as for me, I like pondering about it. I mean, what made him stay with her for eighty years? why did she keep him around? what brought about their alleged “reconciliation” in the present, and how did that all go down? all totally fascinating questions.

and now I think I can tackle the actual questions.

ii. actually answering questions

#1 - Do you think jasper and Alice are intimate? yes. I mean, ymmv but they are married, plus there was that time edward asked jasper about what sex was like lmaooo

#2 - do you think jasper was also intimate with Maria? also yes, but “no” would be an equally valid reading of canon.

#3 - Like How much did Alice see?

this one’s the million dollar question, and one I can only answer via headcanon. I assume you mean “how much did alice see during the ~30 years she was a vampire when she hadn’t yet met jasper but still had visions of him?” so I’m gonna answer that.

it’s an interesting question because canon tells us nothing whatsoever about that time. but I like to think she could see what jasper and the cullens were up to on occasion, though not with the frequency and ease she sees them after they’ve actually met.

as for jasper and maria…I don’t think the romantic/physical part of their relationship lasted all that long. I mean, they were together for eighty years. That’s a really, really long time to fake something. I hc that they were romantically together for a comparatively short chunk of that—maybe just the first decade or two. I’m sure that as jasper learned to use his gift better, he was able to tell that her heart wasn’t really in it, and I think at that point they were both bored of each other anyway and kind of mutually let that part of their relationship fizzle. but they were still absolutely a team, and he was still her right hand man and felt deep and abiding loyalty to her and her cause, until around the time peter showed up (in the 40s, I think.)

so how much did alice see? I think it’s kinda boring to be like “she saw everything!” because that doesn’t leave them very much to work through as a new couple. I think it’s a much more interesting story if jasper has to tell her about all the horrible stuff he did and they both have to come to terms with it. it’s one of the things I find super compelling about them as a ship, actually.

buuuut I think alice saw enough to get the gist. I think when jasper confessed to her that “yeah, I was with maria” she kind of already knew that, but I also think it was important to her to hear it from him and get his side of the story. we stan some good communicators, folks.

[onisionisacanceronthisearth]

Greg vs Alleged Classmate Part 5: Skipping information and Relationship With Skye

So this one is hilariously suspicious, Greg totally skipped over the section about Skye, this was one of the biggest things in M’s posts and honestly one of the biggest parts of this interview. I’m not sure if Greg accidentally skipped too far or if this was deliberate but either way I’ll mention all that he skipped before going onto his rebuttals again. Also, this is two-thirds into the video. We’ve got half an hour left. FINALLY. Wow, I didn’t realise just how long this would take. And it isn’t just cause I’ve got one hand. This is a long one. Greg doesn’t actually counter anything but goes into detail of his relationship with Skye and reveals a lot about his personality. Spoiler alert: it’s disgusting!

What Greg skipped:

Skye was ignorant to Greg sleeping around and using girls

She also didn’t know about how he acted with other students

When they started dating, he suddenly changed as a person for a while. He was acting nice, no mood swings, and treated her as an equal

This apparently changed when he started doing things online but M doesn’t know much of that as he was busy doing other things in life. He just knew he went to his old manipulative ways (Greg listened to the tail end of this, just the superiority and manipulation part)

You know, one part of this is a bit suspicious, Greg said he met Skye in computer class the first time but didn’t really notice her because he was dating Shiree at the time. I wonder why Skye didn’t know anything about Greg if she did know him before dating (or at least of him). Too bad Greg totally skipped this cause he could have brought this point up himself

Greg is manipulative and his influence on Skye

Greg doesn’t counter him being manipulative, just asks for specifics. He then takes M saying he saw less and less of Skye to mean she didn’t ever go to school and went into a big thing debunking that thing instead of listening to the rest of this section where M explains it as Skye spending all of her time with Greg and none of her other friends anymore. We get it, Greg, you’re a moron. (oh my god he’s googling the number of days a person can miss per year wtf??)

OH MY GOD GREG YOU IDIOT, HE’S NOT SAYING SKYE DIDN’T GRADUATE OR THAT SHE MISSED CLASS. YOU ARE ACTUALLY THE DUMBEST PERSON ON YOUTUBE HOLY SHIT

Ok, now he’s talking about how terrible M is for just giving up and not reporting the abusive relationship to the authorities and how “isn’t M playing hero?”. M never said that, while yes I wish that if he is real that he had actually reported this issue, I can understand feeling defeated and not knowing the best course of action when you see someone in a relationship like that at that age. Or any age for that matter. I can say with certainty though is that if you see a friend in a situation like this, please talk with them about it. And if they’re too far gone that they even stop being friends with you over it, please talk to your, or their guidance counsellor. It’s hard, but it could save them.

Also Greg, please keep in mind that hearsay isn’t all the same. To say someone has sex with goats for no reason is different from saying that they heard (but cannot confirm) that Greg started controlling Skye because he was scared she might leave him. Sure it’s not as solid as if they witnessed it themselves, but that’s why they gave that disclaimer. Especially as they said everything after the first story is based more on hearsay than events witnessed

Greg is now acting like people talking about how they stopped seeing Skye after high school took place in high school and is saying “with what money” could he have taken Skye. But it’s well known she went to Korea with you so....? Also, his dispute that he was living with Skye doesn’t actually dispute him potentially stopping her from going out and seeing her friends. It doesn’t matter where you are as long as you have influence over her. And I’d say living with her gives you that influence, even in her own home. During high school you spent all your time with her, then afterwards you stole her away to Korea and she didn’t see her family for a while. Not all that wacky when you take Lainey in mind. She spent all her after school with you, then when she graduated you stole her away to Washington and got married while her parents thought she was in university. Is it true? No idea, but it isn’t outlandish for Greg. Especially when his defence is that he, Skye, and her sister constantly played games together which plays into the idea that when they started dating her whole world had to be him.

Now Greg is going into the old videos he made with Skye and her 14-year-old sister where they pretended to have sex. Lovely

Side note, Greg mentions he can’t remember exact details of a story involving Skye and the order or date things happened yet apparently M needs to remember everything. And if he doesn’t, he’s a liar based on that. Oh btw, I’m guessing Greg doesn’t like Skye’s dad cause he just called him a perv, how routine of you Greg. Can’t you come up with some better character slander than “he’s a pedo and a perv”?

Greg keeps up the narrative that M is saying he literally kidnapped Skye instead of her dropping contact with friends and arguing that that would be illegal. Good thing M didn’t claim that, cause that would be stupid

Greg dodges how he treated Skye

Greg is avoiding the point of how he treated Skye by still talking about kidnapping her despite it being clear we’ve moved onto M’s opinion of events he found out about later through people’s videos on Greg.

Greg is now victim-blaming by saying he told Skye he could never make her happy. True, but cheating on her and telling her you were in love with her younger sister is still out of left field and crazy to experience

Greg is also still showing that despite his experience with a chronically depressed Skye, he still thinks one just gets over depression by getting happy things. He even pointed out that buying her a house because she liked it wasn’t enough (no shit Sherlock, that’s why rich people can be depressed). This whole thing makes me feel so much worse for Skye, she was a person suffering from depression and she gets Greg of all fucking people. How fucking terrible

“We made love before I left [for the military], but we were still broken up”. You had just broken up with her to go to the military then still “made love” with her. Damn, that whiplash. You made loveless love. Something tells me that this wasn’t entirely loveless, at least on her part. Then you asked her to be at your graduation and made love in the hotel room. According to you it wasn't loving, but it was a relationship where you felt like “bros hanging out” and you made love. I’m sorry but the way you’re describing it doesn’t sound like a friends-with-benefits situation. Especially when you shit on Adrienne for having had casual encounters in the past. Also, I love how the picture during this section is a picture of Lainey and Greg together. Nice one to have while talking about your first wife. The one you took to Korea (for work, but still) and bought a house for and felt like “best bros” with. And the one you are currently describing your former sexcapades with.

Ok, so the reason it wasn’t true love to Greg was that he didn’t simply lust after her (complete with sound effects, thanks Greg). He’s literally throwing away how great of a person she was, how well they got along, the fact that he felt love towards her and love so many aspects of her because he didn’t feel, and I’m trying to quote here, “she’s so hot, ugh, oooogh”. And he didn’t feel like she was as hot as Thor, Andy Biersack, and Jensen Ackles is while saying that “it’s saying something” that he listed all dudes. Wow, I can’t tell if this is insulting Skye because he’s basically just saying she was perfect but it didn’t matter because she wasn’t hot, or insulting Lainey by him saying Lainey is only attractive to him because they look like a 30-40-year-old dude. Or he’s saying that Lainey just isn’t hot to him. Or maybe this was a mix of all of these, plus he had gone too long without a gay joke.

Ok, he’s saying a person isn’t a friend if he’s aroused by them and he married Skye as a friend because she didn’t arouse him but he loved doing “these things, making love things” to her. I just can’t. I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to offer much more than variations of “this makes no sense” on this, but I just can’t. What on earth is wrong with this guy, and why is his defence of treating Skye like shit just shitting on her more and saying that it’s fine because she was a friend he liked “making love” to but didn’t find arousing. Yet is now going into “[his] arousal, and her arousal and their mutual arousal”

New picture of him kissing Lainey in the background over: “what would be better than marrying this person who I had a friends-with-benefits relationship with, and living off [military] base with them, and watching anime with them, and playing video games with them, etc. So I proposed this to her, I said ‘hey, we should get married so we can hang out all the time’. And so we continued this friends-with-benefits relationship where we loved each other, and we made love, and we were exclusive”. But then goes onto how it wasn’t “typical” because it wasn’t (said in a monotone voice versus animated up until this point) “ever since I met you, my soul has been complete” but instead “ever since I met you I’ve felt content and complete, for the most part”. “We would make videos together like friends would” but it wasn’t passionate, and “by the end of the relationship we wouldn’t make love that often”. I had to write down the above because it needs to be heard/read. I have no idea what Greg thinks love is, but by the sound of his voice and what he’s describing here, this is it. I don’t know why making videos seems to only be a thing which friends do. I also don’t understand why he states he wasn’t aroused by her yet later says he was. It wasn't loving, but here’s why it is, oh wait but we made videos together like bros do.

Finally, Greg has come to his point which is that their relationship wasn’t the love M describes it as being. But this now contradicts the point he made at the beginning of this video to defend his remembering all his past girlfriends, even from grade 2. He said it was because he is a passionate person who falls in love fast and hard. So he told this whole story only to contradict himself and make himself look even worse with all this extra info on Skye. I can understand not being in total passionate love with a person but they’re comfortable, but what he describes is so weird it isn’t that. Especially with his weird reasoning that he ended up contradicting

“You know who I was really in love with? Shiree” Said over the Lainey picture. Lol. Also, he slips up then talks about his love in the first person. Anyways he goes onto talk about losing his virginity to her at age 14 and talked on the phone for 9 hours which was “real passion” vs Skye where when together you “simply played games together”. Cool bro, guess my marriage is passionless cause gaming is something only friends do

Sharnell confirmed?

Minor thing but Greg suddenly partially remembers the name of his long-distance ex as Shannon or Sharon or something. I suspected this ex was Sharnell and the name seems similar enough that this is likely it as there are no other girls listed which are similar enough in name, and no one matches the bacne story of him breaking up with a girl because of it.

Greg skips details again:

Greg finally realises this is all post-high school and skips forward because he decided against talking about the Shiloh situation, coward

He also accidentally skipped details on the girl he cheated on Skye with in high school. By the description, this sounds like either Tanisha or Shiree due to him calling them “a trashy whore who does drugs” one minute and their best friend the other which is kind of how he describes Shiree. Tanisha was another ex at that school who apparently did drugs though so I figured I’d add her here too. It’s a shame he skipped this part, I’d have loved to hear his response.

The contract

Oh boy! Greg’s talking about the stupid contract he tried to get Skye to sign! I’m sensing an alimony statement :D

For those who need a refresher:

Either live with him for two more years

Or get 1000$ a month from him for one year (using the youtube money he was raking it in the 6 figures that she helped him achieve while he prevented her from getting her own job)

Greg is now showing off his lack of humanity by getting mad at her and saying how he doesn’t understand why she didn’t want to live with her cheating ex-husband for two years while he made all the money on the channel she helped create. He’s now acting very confused and is trying to parse her words which were that “she still loved him and it was too painful to live with the person she loved but couldn’t be with”. But he still doesn’t get it because he was fine coexisting with her (right after explaining that he never loved her for about 20 minutes) and he was the one who broke it off and he wasn’t mad at her and is now talking about how he didn’t want to be married in a passionless relationship with his friend. This guy is legit really confused right now. He has his answer right there but he’s still confused and sounds like it. It actually sounds like he’s still trying to figure this out, what? 7 years later? Wow, that was an emotional ride. I almost feel bad for the guy, he actually doesn’t understand empathy, he doesn’t understand that just because feels one way, doesn’t mean the other party feels that way too.

And is now talking about his 6 years of alimony payments. I’m glad Skye got them. She made your channel Greg, you made millions, she got nothing while in the relationship but a partner who confesses to using her while she loved them, and who she worked as an employee for free. She was entitled to half this creative property and you basically gave her pennies compared to your wealth.

Now he’s saying the reason this happened was because she didn’t sign a prenup. Yeah, cause it’s a shitty thing to do, especially because it’s not like you had money then. Your prenup was “if we make any money together I keep all of it when I divorce you, which I expect to do”. Both of you made the channel, she did the editing and taught you how to do it while you stopped her from getting her own job and shut your depressed wife in (depressed people should not remain shut-ins, that’s the last thing they need). Prenups are for rich people so, in the case of a divorce, your former partner can’t take money made before they came in the picture. Yes, it’s used for other clauses too but those people are all assholes or are in a relationship just for the vanity of having a hot person as their partner for sex and will drop them when they get too old. The later one is basically sex work. “Marry me and for the time of your employment (our marriage), I’ll buy you expensive things and give you pocket money in exchange for sex and various other work”

“It’s pretty mean to cry so someone loses more money” (in reference to the prenup) Fuck you Greg

Next part is the final one until I make my condensed summary which I think would be useful for future use. It will include fixes and come out within a couple days. I need a break from this video after this so I’ll focus on the appeal instead

[kris10tisme]

Runaway: Chapter 2

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17236148/chapters/42036263#workskin

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13163634/1/Runaway

Mondays are usually the day of the week in which Katara feels most on edge.

In her mind she’s not just topping off the school week but getting her study schedule in order, brainstorming what she will be cooking her family for dinner for each day of the week, and organizing her babysitting schedule.

But on this particular Monday, she’s more overwhelmed than has ever been before. The reason being that she has lunch plans with the enigmatic, cool yet dorky, standoffish but sweet, the cute and SEXY…”

“Bahhh!” Katara wakes up yelling in a frenzy.

She immediately shoots up out of bed, as if it was scalding hot. She pats down and rumples her clothes as if she’s trying to get something off of her.  *

She turns her head over to her alarm clock and sees that the time is 5:47 am, which means she has a good thirteen minutes before her alarm goes off.

She sighs aloud, and drops herself on top of her bed in a very histrionic fashion. She’s laying face forward haphazardly

This is the third time this night she’s woken up all excitable and anxious over this dude. She’s been having stupid dreams all night, such as her showing up to lunch with Zuko in only her underwear, Zuko showing up to lunch in only HIS underwear (her subconscious came to the conclusion that he is a total briefs guy, you can’t change her mind).

Just now she was awoken from a strange dream in which Zuko was introduced with a booming bass voice as if he were about to star in this summer’s next hit blockbuster.

Katara’s dreams aren’t the only aspect of her life that’s gone awry over the past couple of days. She’s lost her appetite due to nerves, and Sokka’s been scoffing down whatever she doesn’t eat; blinded by his sheer ravenousness gluttony to even take note that his poor sister isn’t getting her daily nutrients.

She’s groomed like she’s never groomed before. All body hair has been waxed, shaved, and “Nair’d” off. Calluses have been removed from her feet, which is kind of pointless, since its winter and she can’t envision a circumstance in which she’d be showing her feet to Zuko.

She’s also pre-planned her look, which she usually does the night before a school day, but never with this much meticulous care. She’s decided to wear a deep royal blue long-sleeved blouse, with just a subtle cut off in the neckline. She doesn’t want to come off as a floozy (which she is not), or a prude (which she totally is). She’s wearing tight dark blue skinny jeans bedazzled with a glistening blue ocean wave on her left thigh.

If she’s going to get to know Zuko better, she may as well dress the part of who she really is, right? She’s taken this into careful consideration because blues her favorite color, and the ocean is her safe haven. Now that she thinks of it; the idea is kind of dorky, but she decides it’s too late to go look for another outfit.

After three days of careful consideration, she’s decided to wear her hair down rather than in her signature braid. Cosmopolitan says that wearing your hair down evokes a person to see you as more

mature. Being two years younger than Zuko means that she has to act the part of an older woman, and not a child.

Which lead her to her biggest inward dispute of the weekend: The hair loopies.

She’s gone back and forth on this whether to keep her signature look dozens of times in her head. Granted, they do come off as a bit childish, but Gran-Gran has said that the traditional look has been passed down from generation to generation throughout her family tree.

She decides it’s a go with the hair loopies. She doesn’t want to lose sight of who she really is and change for a boy.

“This is supposed to be fun.” She reminds herself while taking a deep breath. She takes one more look in the mirror, decides she looks passable, and makes her way out of her room to go bang on Sokka’s door, because she’s almost certain he’s slept through his alarm.

 The school cafeteria has to be Katara’s least favorite area in the entire school. It is humongous, and provides nourishment, sure; but that doesn’t stop it from being a cesspool of teenage toxicity and stereotypes.

With random pointless physical altercations taking place on the daily, tongues being used for non-eating purposes, and the constant sight of spilt milk at every step with pizza crusts swimming in the puddles, Katara usually takes a hard pass on eating in the cafeteria.

The cafeteria makes Sokka look refined by comparison.

To avoid being a victim of her teenage circumstances, she tries to spend her lunch periods volunteering to stock books in the school library; while munching on an apple and nutri-grain bar.

When she’s not in the cafeteria, she usually eats lunch with her friend Suki, and her alleged future sorority sisters. They call themselves the Kyoshi sisters, and they’ve all been taking gymnastics lessons since they were all in diapers. It’s a generational sort of thing.

They brazenly explained to Katara how their periods are all in sync, and they’ve made a maternity pact together, giving Katara all the info she needed to know that this is not her scene.

Suki’s a good friend and all, but Katara can never be a Kyoshi sister. It’s just not in her blood.

So when the library’s closed, and she has to awkwardly grin and bear the tight-as-a-knot sisterhood, she can’t help but feel a twinge of loneliness; despite the fact that she is surrounded by hundreds of students.

Katara has always associated her very tame social life with being wise beyond her years. She does practically run a single parent household with Sokka as her child, due to her dad being gone, and her mom being… yeah.

Gran-Gran has helped a ton around the house, of course, but Gran-Gran’s help doesn’t quite fill the empty void Katara’s always try to fill for herself and her brother.

She thinks this lunch may be a nice escape from all of that difficult family stuff. She wants to keep her expectations low, but just can’t.

Yes, she has a crush.

Yes, this is the most excited she’s ever been about anything in a while.

Yes, she heard Zuko’s heart monitor in the hospital beep off the charts, giving her an inkling that he feels the same way.

No, she hasn’t considered the fact that it may have been something other than his feelings for her that set the alarm in motion.

She’s ready to finally indulge in the ignorant teenage bliss that having a romantic partner will magically solve your problems, and shield you from reality.

With one confident step, she bursts into the school cafeteria with her chin raised, her smile proud, and her heart somersaulting all over her body. She ignores the handsy teenagers licking each other up as if they are trying to catch the last droplets of an ice cream cone, and she effortlessly skips over the spilt milk and pizza concoction; it suddenly doesn’t seem as gross.

She makes her way over to the emergency exit, because the table they both agreed to meet at lays right in front of it.

The table’s blocked by a pillar. Zuko is behind it.

There’s no stopping her now.

She practically skips over to their meeting area and…

He’s not there.

She blinks. Okay, she may have rushed here a bit earlier due to anticipation. Plus, loyalty and honor seem very important to Zuko, he’s not the type to just stand someone up.

She moves to sit down, and collects herself, unpacking the food she specifically brought to share. Food that she has made sure do not contain and are not affiliated with peanuts in any way; bringing two bags of Cool Ranch Doritos, some apple-cinnamon Nutri-Grain bars, and apples to share. For herself she brought a Tuna sandwich. What can she say? She loves fish, it’s in her blood.

After getting everything settled on the table she finds that she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

She folds her hands together and sets them on the table.

After a full on 12 seconds of waiting (yes she counted), she takes a swift look behind her to see if she can spot Zuko making his way toward the table, and lo’ and behold there he is standing 5 inches behind her.

“Eeep!” She yelps.

He frowns. Obviously confused as to why she made that sound.

“Damn-it” she thinks. Why can’t she ever play it cool when trying to woo the opposite sex?

He’s the first one to speak.

“Hey… what’s… up?” He utters the common phrase like he’s never said it aloud before, like he had just spoken the words of a foreign language for the first time.

“...Hey.” She says tepidly, inwardly cringing about greeting Zuko with another out-of-left-field outburst.

Real smooth, Katara, she thinks.

“Sorry about…, the outburst. You just... startled me.”

He looks at her, taking her in. She wonders what he’s thinking. He looks serious, is he upset?

“Well, at least you didn’t tackle me this time.” He deadpans.

Katara blinks up at him, not quite knowing how she should receive him. Should she apologize or laugh?

He’s looking at her expectantly; like he’s expecting a certain type of reaction from her.

“You’re…joking?”

“Uh…yeah.” He says sounding more so like he’s asking and not answering.

He shoots her a tight-lipped closemouthed smile, that somehow melts away the awkwardness.

“Tehehehehehe” she giggles out sounding like a five-year-old girl frolicking through a field of grass.

And just like that, the awkwardness returns.

After letting that sound come out of her mouth, she swiftly uses both hands to cover her mouth. She wonders why she can’t she ever keep her composure in front of this guy?

She moves her mouth to explain well... that when she notices he’s chuckling softly to himself.

It’s a very quiet laugh. It could be interpreted more as a small coughing fit. You can tell he’s holding back, like he’s not used to openly expressing joy.

If she wasn’t so exposed to his shy/awkward tendencies than she would think the laugh was kinda hot. She decides it can be both hot and cute.

“Haha, very funny. Can you just sit down already?”

“As you wish.” He says while giving her a mock curtsy as if she were royalty, which she finds ironic.

“Dork.” She mutters under her breath.

He starts to settle in, taking out a thermos and a water bottle.

He looks at his thermos and just glares at it, not making any move to open and eat whatever’s in there.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah it’s just… Uncle has insisted on making me lunch these past few days.”

He stops himself and takes a big gulp. Like he’s forcing himself to not vomit on spit at the mere thought of what he’s about to say.

“And it’s just… horrible! All he knows how to do is boil flavored water. He made me soup with beets in it, and honestly it tastes like he just boiled one of his dirty socks in water!” He says getting off his chest

Katara can’t help it; but she’s gawking at him. He never ceases to amaze her. He’s always come off as so refined and proper, to see him throwing a small tissy fit over food has got to be the cutest thing she’s ever seen.

She bites back a smile.

“Want a bite?” She breaks up half of her tuna sandwich offers a piece of it out to him.

“Its fine Katara, I don’t want to take half of your lunch.”

“Then at least have some of these, I brought them for both of us.”

She extends her bag of cool ranch Doritos out to him.

He takes in the sight of the bag of chips like it’s some sort of foreign oddity he’s never came across before in his life.

It seems like papa dearest never allowed Zuko to eat snacks that were savory either, Katara thinks bitterly on his behalf.

He takes a chip. She beckons him to take more, and he begrudgingly complies. He looks pouty, but Katara can tell that he’s secretly enjoying it.

“I mean, cooking’s not very difficult. It’s basically heating stuff up, adding ingredients, and patience. “Katara said.

“And I know all about patience.” Zuko replies.

She gives him a sad smile.

“I could, ya know, teach you how to cook sometime you know.” Katara says clearly abashed judging by her face donned with a red complexion.

He sighs, obviously feeling like he’s being a nuisance to her.

“Don’t worry about me Katara, I’ll just learn how to make sandwiches. Can’t be too hard right? Just meat and bread.”

“It’s really not a big deal at all Zuko. I cook all the time! Besides, it’d be nice to have some company while cooking from time to time. I mean, the only company I get is Sokka popping his annoying head through the door asking if I’m almost done, or if he can take a bite of the unfinished completely raw meat that I’m working on!” She huffs out.

He stares at her, looking like he doesn’t know if he should laugh or offer words of comfort because of the random outburst.

“Sorry, just gotta vent sometimes. You know… siblings.”

His mood suddenly turns solemn.

“Yeah… siblings.”

He seems to have become detached from the original conversation from out of nowhere. Katara starts to wonder what she had said wrong.

“I mean, even if you don’t want to cook, maybe we could hang out sometime after school.” She spits out her words so quickly that what she said is almost indistinguishable.

“What was that?” says Zuko, either finding her words indistinguishable or having his mind be somewhere else.

It took a lot for Katara to get that out. She doesn’t know if she has the courage to say it again, when his attention is fully on her.

“Just give me your hand.” She grabs a pen from the side of her bag while simultaneously grabbing his left wrist. Seeming to stun him out of his reverie.

She’s only able to write down two numbers on his hand when a familiar noise rings in Katara’s ears…the schools fire alarm.

The bell rings, and naturally, the school cafeteria erupts in chaos. Katara and Zuko split apart, the bell stunning them out of their awkward yet heated stupor.

They start to pack their stuff up in an awkward silence. Katara refuses to look him in the eye because quite frankly, she knows she messed up again. She grabbed his wrist out of nowhere which is incredibly impolite, and weird, and he probably thinks she’s a freak.

Her behavior is starting to anger her, she is usually so composed in front of other people, respecting peoples space and yada yada.

Not with Zuko, whenever he shows up the good sense is knocked right out of her head.

She tries to get a good look at him from the corner of her eyes, she notices he’s avoiding eye contact too.

They make their way through the emergency exit doors, they’re the first to do so since they were seated right next to it.

It’s when they reach the outside when Katara realizes she made one colossal mistake, she forgot to take her coat with her from her homeroom.

Crap.

The frigid frostiness hits her hard. It’s been a cold winter that’s for sure.

She’s more than accustomed to cold weather. The heat and electricity has gone off in her home before and her families had to resort to sleeping next to the fireplace. She’s grown up in cold-weather all her life. 

She stifles a shiver; it doesn’t go unnoticed, however, because a huge lump has just been placed on her shoulders… literally.

Zuko’s coat.

His coat is red and black. She thinks every outfit in his wardrobe must either be red, gold, or black. It’s the heaviest jacket she’s ever wore. She’s not quite sure if boys’ jackets are just naturally more heavy, or if Zuko weighted down his coat for fitness purposes. Maybe both.

She doesn’t immediately decline the offer, because it feels well… good? It smells freshly laundered, with a sharp hint of spice. Clean and manly. The dream.

After thinking about whether or not to accept the offer for a few seconds Katara looks at Zuko to tell him that its fine, but he dismisses her with a polite hand raise and a soft smile.

Well; he does have an extra sweatshirt on, Katara rationalizes.  

They walk to where the students are supposed to line up on the football field quietly, which troubles her.

No one really wants to talk outside in the cold. They’re too annoyed by being cold to talk. It can’t possibly be because I said something to upset him, or he’s pissed that I grabbed his hand without consent. No it couldn’t be that, I full on tackled him three days ago and he wasn’t that pissed. Wahhh.

The swarm of students moving about outside is hectic. There are a lot of teachers outside trying to mediate the situation. Katara’s starting to think that maybe this isn’t just your average fire drill.

They line up near the fence of the football field where the more tranquil students are lined up.

Katara notices that there are students outside for recess/gym on the field, still participating in outdoor sports in this frigid cold. She looks out at the pissed off red blotchy faces of the students, and spots a face that looks downright jovial, a familiar face. Her brothers.

She moves closer to the fence to get a better sight of him, her motherly instinct wanting to check to see he is warm and bundled up. His face is read and blotchy, same as the others, but you could never tell he’s effected by the cold from the way he’s carrying on.

He’s sucking up to the football team, patting their backs and leaning over in a hunch to show that he is laughing hysterically. Meanwhile the 6 foot jocks are standing around him, stone-faced. He’s telling jokes that aren’t going over as well as he thinks they are with all the swagger and confidence a person could possess.

Katara cannot help but outwardly face-palm at the sight of her brother in this sad state. She knows he’s trying to get an in with the guys so he can learn how to smooth-talk the ladies better, but this is just embarrassing.

Welp, she hopes he doesn’t get beat up. From the looks of what’s going on, it seems like a strong possibility.

She moves away from the fence to move back to the line when someone bumps into her hard. She gets the wind knocked out of her and goes flying.

Whoever bumped into her had to have been running because the momentum pushed her at least five feet forward into something… someone solid, warm, and protective.

Whoever caught her wraps their arm around the small of her back protectively, she doesn’t register who it is until she hears the voice speak loud and hoarse.

“Hey!” The voice calls out.

She removes her head from her chest, and looks up at him, Zuko. She’s surprised. Surprised at their close contact. Between the getting the wind knocked out of her and being at such a close proximity with Zuko; she is finding it difficult to draw at least one breath.

“Yeah, man?” Another voice responds sounding smugly familiar.

“You ran into her really hard, I think you should apologize.” Zuko says in a very calm tone. Katara’s impressed, she’s never heard him this composed.

She hears whoever he’s talking to make a sharp turn judging by the skidding sound of their boots.

He approaches them.

“Sorry, lil lady. Was just playing a little game of my tag with my good friend Smellerbee here.”

She knows the voice.

“Jet?”

“…Katara?”

Awkward…

Zuko, still holding on to the small of Katara’s back protectively, almost possessively, looks back and forth between the two, obviously as shocked as they are.

Jet’s facial expression is initially shocked, but when he takes Katara in he wears a weirdly smug expression on his face.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Not long enough.” She responds sharply.

“Ouch, are you still mad about that?”

“About that!? You mean when you manipulated me into trusting you, and basically using me as a foil to ruin a bunch of good people’s lives? Yeah, not quite over that yet, maybe ask me if I am in another lifetime!” She says crossing her arms over her chest approaching him; unafraid.

“Oh come on Katara, it wasn’t like that and you know it. One bad egg spoils the whole bunch anyways.”

“I see you haven’t changed.” She sneers.

He’s a quiet for a moment, then responds. “Well I see you have.” He says while eyeing her up head to toe.

Zuko immediately steps in between them after his lewd comment, glaring. Unabashedly, unafraid, and downright furious.

“Learn to talk to a lady properly. Now I’m going to have to tell you to apologize again.” He says with fire burning in his eyes.

Jet doesn’t cower in fear, but instead rises to the challenge. He squares up, face to face with Zuko. He’s also not one to be put into a corner.

“I think the lady can speak for herself, thank you very much. Who do you think you are anyway? Speaking on behalf of everyone? I guess it’s just… like father like son, wanting to constantly control every bit of everyone’s life. Isn’t that right little rich boy?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Zuko sneers.

“Oh, I don’t? I’d recognize that scar 50 yards away. Zuko.” He says his name with disgust. “Heard you’re not living in your families’ mansion anymore, what happened? Did daddy kick you out? Is that why you’re hanging out with dear ol Katara here? Trying to be another one of her broken boy toys she’s trying to fix?”

If Zuko hadn’t done it, Katara was just a millisecond away.

He shoves Jet to the floor with a hard push. The impact is hard; he lands on his back square onto a sheet of hard ice.

There’s a collective “oooo” noise sounding out from the crowd surrounding them. Looks like they got an audience.

“Zuko! You didn’t have to push him so hard! What’re you doing?”

Zuko looks at Katara, mouth agape. Obviously displeased for her lack of gratitude.

“I was defending your honor!”

“Defending my honor? I think I can handle myself. I don’t need some… boy playing the noble knight in shining armor character for me. I’m plenty tough myself!”

Zuko doesn’t say anything. He glares down at Katara obviously angered, but at the same time looking pained.

Damn him, Katara thinks. Looking at me like a soft puppy. He just acted completely violent and rash because he and Jet were having some sort of pissing contest about me? What am I, an object!? Sure Jets a jerk but that doesn’t give Zuko the right.

Katara then remembers Jets existence. She spins around to check up on him, because foe or not, she doesn’t want anyone to get hurt under any circumstances ever. In a flash, before she could do anything, Jet is up and charging hard at Zuko.

Jet tries to spear Zuko down to the floor, but Zuko seeing the move coming grabs him in a headlock and takes a knee which prevents them both from tumbling over. Jet starts to aim sharp punches to Zuko’s ribs, trying to get out the precarious situation he’s in right now, while Zuko’s adjusting his headlock.

“STOP!” Katara runs forward to break up the fight, not really caring if she gets hit in the line of fire, when yet again another figure approaches the scene before her.

“Alright gentlemen, lets break it up. Let’s play nice.”

And Katara didn’t think this awful situation could get any worse.

Sokka pulls Jet away from Zuko, and Zuko impressively refrains from going back after Jet. Jets still writhing in Sokka’s hold, but Sokka impressively has a vice like grip around Jet’s waist.

“Would you hold on man? Geez, want us all to get in trouble much?” Sokka says while trying to keep Jet in place.

Jet stops moving, obviously recognizing the voice. Sokka slowly let’s go, thinking he has mediated the situation, but then Jet turns around.

“Hey Sokka, long time no see. I was just putting a snobby rich kid in his place, now if you don’t mind me…” Jet moves to turn around to continue what he was doing when he’s speared to the ground by Sokka.

The crowd roars with confusion.

Sokka is pummeling Jet, but his hits don’t look like they’re hurting him very much. The strikes are very sloppy, like he hasn’t put any thought into his mode of offense.

“YOU JERK, YOU MANIPULATED EVERYONE. YOU STOLE MY SISTERS PURITY!”

The crowd gasps in astonishment.

Katara gasps with horror.

“NO HE DIDN’T SOKKA WOULD YOU QUIT SAYING THAT, LET GO OF HIM!”

Now it’s Katara’s time to get in the physical mix, grabbing Sokka by the waist and mimicking the vice-like grip he kept on Jet.

Sokka, obviously surprised to see Katara has entered the mix, looks at her with a cheeky smile.

“Hey… sis, sorry about the gross exaggeration of words. Was just trying to protect your honor, ya know how it is.”

It takes Katara all of her willpower to not smack him across the face.

“Katara can take care of defending her own honor.” Zuko says sounding informative yet bitter.

Katara looks at him, glaring. He’s glaring right back. What the hell did she do? It was his and Jet’s stupid bravado that got them into this mess in the first place.

Sokka even looks up at Zuko, not quite knowing what to make of his words.

“Yeah I agree man, but you know girls. Mood swings. You don’t know what they’ll do.” He twirls his index finger in a circle right next to his head. Insinuating that all women are crazy.

Katara is about to bonk him on the head when a loud whistle roars loud, making everyone move to cover their ears.

“What’s going on here?” Coach Chong growls out.

Katara and Sokka are situated on the floor, and Zuko stands above them. The three of them move their heads to where Jet last stood, or should they say “laid,” and he is nowhere to be seen.

They move their heads to look back at the coach and he looks pissed. Katara notices the crowd has dissipated obviously not wanting to feel the wrath of coach Chong. Not that she can blame them, but she thinks they can face some sort of accountability for witnessing the most humiliating moment of her life!

He’s looking at them expectantly, waiting for them to say something. Sokka, thankfully chimes in to make the save.

“Just slipped on this long sheet of ice here, and accidentally took the lil sis down with me!”

The coach looks at Katara, looking to see if she can verify the story.

“Oh yes Sokka! You’re just oh so clumsy! Haha!” She says with no hint of amusement in her voice.

“Oh come on, that was such bad acting!” Sokka “whispers” loud enough for the coach to hear.

The coach just rolls his eyes, obviously not seeing an imminent threat to school safety in this situation.

“Whatever kids, it’s been a helluva day here, just try to stop stirring up some extra trouble. We don’t got no time for…”

He stops speaking he notices Zuko is in his line of vision. The coach seems surprised, then regains his stoicism.

“You’re gonna have to come with me boy, your sister and girlfriends friend isn’t doing so well.”

Coach turns around to leave expecting Zuko to follow.

Zuko gives one last look at Katara, it’s not a smile, but it’s not a frown either, and quite frankly she doesn’t feel like discerning the look right now. She also noticed that he didn’t correct coach when he made that girlfriend comment.

She watches him walk off in the distance. She’s extremely sad and disappointed with how today went. She was looking forward to this all weekend, and even when considering her lowest expectations for today she never anticipated this.

“Hey guys, did you hear what happened?”

“Suki!” Sokka squeals out in delight.

Katara sighs. Finally, a welcomed surprise, she thinks to herself.

“Hey Suki, no we don’t know exactly what happened, did you hear anything?”

“Apparently that really peppy girl, Ty Lee, I think her name is, got her eyebrows burned off in Chemistry lab. Not much word on what actual injuries she sustained, but its rumored that her best friend Azula did it, and she did it on purpose.

“Azula? Isn’t that that dude who was just here’s sister?” Sokka asks

“Zuko? What was he doing here? Suki responds.

“Oh he was just fighting Jet, and naturally I heroically swooped in and saved the day and… yeah. Hey what was he doing here Katara?” Sokka who finally deems it appropriate to ask asks.

Katara doesn’t answer him. She just wants the ground to eat her up, she’s done with today, and just wants it to end already.

“Eh, leave her alone Sokka, Katara can handle herself.” Suki says assuredly, coming to her defense.

“You’re right Suki. You know, sometimes you gotta let girls be and let them fight their own battles!” Sokka remarks like he’s a prophet.

Katara doesn’t think he eyes could roll farther back into her head. Thankfully Suki doesn’t seem to buy whatever crap Sokka’s spewing because she rolls her eyes as well.

“Well, let’s go back inside, I think everything should be calming down now.” She throws a reassuring arm around Katara’s shoulder and they saunter off back to the school.

Its only then when Katara realizes she still has Zuko’s jacket.

Katara doesn’t see Zuko for the rest of the day. And since they never exchanged contact information, she has no idea how she’s going return his coat to him.

She resolves to herself that she’ll return it the next day.

She thinks it’s probably best that they take some space from one another after what just happened today.

*************************************************************************************

The next day comes, and no Zuko. She doesn’t spot him in the halls, at lunch. What’s weird is that his sister and her cronies seemingly haven’t shown up to school either. There’s all kinds of rumors swirling around about how Azula’s a crazy jealous friend, and how Ty Lee’s so dumb she set herself on fire, etc. She has no idea what’s going on. She really wanted to get to know Zuko better, but then yesterday happened and derailed everything. She knows she has music class with him tomorrow, so hopefully she’ll see him then.

  Wednesday comes and still no Zuko. She spends the majority of her music class staring at his empty seat, brainstorming what could have possibly gone on. Is he ok? Is his family ok? Is Ty Lee ok? Her worry for him has overridden her anger at him. She knows how messed up his family situation is, and honestly just wants to know if her friend is ok.

*************************************************************************************

Zuko doesn’t come in for the rest of the week, and lo’ and behold they have the next week off for break. Hooray.

Katara’s mind is pained with confusion and worry.

The strong musty and fiery scent has started to wither from his jacket.

[aurimeanswind]

VIDEO GAMES—Sunday Chats (10-29-17)

There are a lot of video games, and I haven’t done questions in a minute, so those too. Let’s get to it!

ExtraLife 2017

I wanted to throw a PSA in here that Irrational Passions, my “conglomerate” is throwing together our big special ExtraLife show for 2017 on November 11th, starting at 12pm Eastern Time, and we’ll be playing video games and live streaming them for 24 hours from then. It’ll be live over on twitch.tv/IrrationalPassions and myself and Roger Pokorny threw together a little announcement video, since a TON of guests will be there with us! You should check it out!

That’s really it for stuff I wanted to get out of the way, not games and questions!

What’s on Tap

Two things, that are not games, that I want to mention.

Stranger Things Season 2 is out now on Netflix and I have watched all nine episodes of it. It’s very excellent, and you should take the time to watch the series. It’s fun, and funny, and tense, and has a lot of great relationships between characters.

And actually, above all the amazing things to come out this week in the media world, my favorite, hands down is the new cover album from Ninja Sex Party, featuring Tupperware Remix Party (TWRP). It’s called Under the Covers Vol 2 and it’s legitimately incredible. Easily my album of the year, and I’m listening to it right now while writing this. Dan Avidan’s voice is perfect.

That is all on that front.

The Evil Within 2

So I finished The Evil Within 2! It’s great, very fun, very well made, very polished, and has some excellent mechanics.

I think the weakest aspect of the game really is the story, and specifically in that the performances of the characters. There is just not any one really well done character save for the two major villains of the game.

I actually rolled right into New Game Plus right after finishing it too, and that’s been fun since you just get so much extra points and parts to upgrade your guns and abilities, so you turn into a powerhouse pretty quickly. 

It reminds me a lot of Dead Space 2 weirdly enough, just not quite as excellent. Regardless, it’s still a really excellent game and worth a look, especially if you at all liked the first.

Super Mario Odyssey

Joy.

This game is just purely joyous, and unabashedly so. It just takes delight in its own mechanics and creativity.

It’s just a massive breath of fresh air, in a similar way to how Zelda was, but in a totally different way as well. 

Nintendo has laid out some stellar stuff this year, and Mario is no exception. While Mario has never held the same special place as Nintendo’s other properties for me, this one channels all the best parts of Mario and his lineage and brings that glee to light. It’s excellent, and I’m sure you didn’t need me to tell you that.

Questions!

Look for my Tweet with the hashtag #SundayChats that I shoot out Sunday afternoons. Respond with your question, and I’ll answer it here on Sunday Chats!

Okay, but I mean is this—

Um... Okay. Yeah dude. You do you. Glad you got a Switch and the Mario and stuff...

But really, a lot of playing Mario for me has been falling back in love with the Nintendo Switch as a platform. I’m curious what you think of it Logan! Glad you seem to be enjoying yourself!

No. For sure not. I also didn’t really love their E3 showing, so who knows. I think Sony is gonna have some cool stuff to show, but I think the “Second half of E3″, if that is gonna be anywhere outside of E3, is going to be at PSX, especially after The Last of Us 2 drop last year. With Uncharted fully done now, we know Naughty Dog is likely all hands on deck with Last of Us Part 2. I cannot wait, with that in mind, even though it’s likely still 2019. But I think PSX will see the reveal of Sucker Punch’s next game, so I don’t know what that leaves for Paris Games week.

This is a great question! It’s hard to pin down, and I’m honored to say some of my favorite things I’ve read this year have been on IrrationalPassions.com. But outside of that, I wanna give a shoutout to Jason Schreier’s unveil of what went on with EA and Visceral, from this very week.

It’ll be in the Checklist section, but it’s kind of the first of these big exposés I’ve sat down and read all the way through in one sitting, and it was phenomenal. It really opened my eyes to the different kinds of struggles that studios can run into that I had no perception of at all. It’s a fantastic read, and an even better story.

I mean, yes. And no.

Taking into account that I know you, and I know you don’t really like 3D games and games of that ilk, of course, yeah I get it. Taking those big ones out, games like SteamWorld Dig 2, Stardew Valley, HiveSwap, Shantae, and more can’t carry a year like the heavy hitters in the 3D space. But I think you have to take that step back and look at the wider "games” as a whole. 

To use me as an example, I don’t like Wolfenstein nor do I plan on playing the new one, or Battlefront 2, or Call of Duty World War 2, those are the big games that don’t click with me, but that doesn't mean those games can’t be incredible, and just because I don’t like them doesn’t mean they’re not great or incredible, but my appreciation of them will be different. But that’s my critic’s perspective.

I think that’s okay, but I’d encourage you to keep trying those games you typically don’t like and search for something in them that you can find and enjoy. I’ll try the betas for Battlefront 2 and CoDWW2 and try and try and look for something I like even if I can’t find it, because I’d rather waste my time looking for the good then take the easy road of assuming the bad.

But eh. That’s just me being a goody two shoes as always.

Yeah, it does! I would love to see that extend out to Bandai Namco! Getting games like Dark Souls, and the upcoming Code Vein on Switch would be excellent. But more over, I think they’d be shrewd, and quiet, like the Bethesda team up. Bandai Namco isn’t the biggest publisher, not even top three, but it covers another niche of games that Nintendo can draw to its platform. Those kinds of players maybe are to chopped on what system they play on, just how enjoyable that experience is. Going the obscure route has worked so well for them, and I think this could work to.

Plus I really want a Dark Souls remaster/re-release with some new features/better frame rate, and it being on Switch may be even better.

Princess Peach, Princess Zelda, and Samus Aran. 

We’d have tea and crumpets, and discuss cute color combinations and space ships, because I think all four of us would have some broad, sweeping opinions on all of the above.

Another good one, a bit more serious, is Nathan Drake, Marcus Fenix, and... Well, Samus Aran again.

Can I just have a date dinner with Samus Aran?

It’s been crazy weird dude. I wish the world wasn’t in as rough shape as it was :/

Uhg.

Fuck.

This is a great question Miranda, but god fuck all of this.

Okay.

A wolf.

And hear me out, because the wolf would probably kill me a lot slower.

But the same shit with Octopi that is with spiders, which I hate. Octopi got too many legs, and I just don’t wanna fuck with it. And it’d be all slimy. And I know both would ultimately kill me, because Octopi do NOT fuck around, but I can like, imagine the Wolf is a cute fucking doggo and be slightly less sad about it.

Also like, then I’d get to see a wolf, which I’ve always wanted to see, and I never want to see the sea-spider for as long as I live.

He is a v. v. handsome boy Cameron and you should be proud.

I’d say at least two customs, and one robo.

Because I know me.

I’m not selfish.

Save some Robot for the other kids.

I think it’s definitely up there. I love it for sure. I love that it’s doing something different on Netflix, and blending this weird nostalgia and referential material into a really cohesive and well made original thing with its own ideas and things to say.

And these latest season has a ton of Ghostbusters so I’m a fan.

This is so rad! For folks curious, here is the referenced article:

https://www.polygon.com/2017/10/28/16563612/destiny-2-deaf-clan-leviaithan-raid-calus

I just love this shit. I hadn’t seen it, but it shows the tenacity and ingenuity of players from all walks of life. What I’d really like to see, and it’d be hard to set up, but having all six players on six screens in the same room so the Shadow Realm folks  didn’t need to say anything, and the ones outside could just look and know. It’d be super rad, and we may be able to do this at ExtraLife, but we’ll see.

I love making new and original solutions to problems, and just like I said with the whole jargon-discussion when we played the raid, this is this team making their own jargon for the raid.

The Checklist

The Collapse of Visceral’s Ambitious Star Wars Game - Jason Schreier - Kotaku - https://kotaku.com/the-collapse-of-viscerals-ambitious-star-wars-game-1819916152

This is the first one of these I’ve actually really read, at least since Klepek’s last one I would have read. And it was fascinating. I have so many thoughts and feelings on this piece, and I know Schreier has a book out about them, and did one for Mass Effect earlier this year, but this is the first one I’ve ever really sat down and read. And it’s phenomenal. And eye opening.

Orc Slavery Made me Quit Shadow of War - Matthew Gault - Motherboard - https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/bjve9q/middle-earth-shadow-of-war-orc-slavery-lord-of-the-rings

This is so, so, sooooo good. I haven’t really read anything on Motherboard before, but being a close sibling to Waypoint, which has skyrocketed to my favorite video game site on the internet this week, I will tune in more after this. Shoutout to OK Beast Podcast episode 65 for bringing this up and reading an excerpt from this. It really hooked me.

Inside the Sexual Misconduct Allegations Rocking NEOGaf - Patrick Klepek - Waypoint - https://waypoint.vice.com/en_us/article/qv384d/inside-the-sexual-misconduct-allegations-rocking-neogafs-last-48-hoursd

This is a weird story for sure. And I wish i could talk to Patrick about it. It’s invasive, but it’s also incredibly well reported, and I think clears up a lot of the misconceptions in the situation. There are no biases in Patrick’s writing. It’s really excellent, and help me get a grasp of what went on on Gaf. And I appreciate it.

Whew, good to get in the swing of things again. I’ll say, we are two weeks out from ExtraLife, and I am going to assume there will not be a Sunday Chats that day. Sorry in advance, but I will try to get my “Alex-Asks-A-Question” style Sunday Chats done like normal next week.

But it’s been a fucking crazy month, and I am so happy to see all the hard work I put in this month come to fruition, and the next big thing is that ExtraLife extravaganza. I hope to see you all watching.

But until then

keep it real.

[trendingnewsb]

5 WTF Ways Trump Has Been Immortalized As Artwork

It wasn’t his knowledge of policy, his charm, or anything remotely leadership-like that led to the popularity of Donald Trump. If anything, it was the ease and willingness with which he turned himself into a walking meme, complete with a fandom busy creating fanfiction, fan theories (i.e. insane conspiracy theories), and, of course, tons of bad fan art. Here are some of the weirdest and wildest pieces in the current Trumpian art movement for you to absorb before they find their way into the National Portrait Gallery.

5

Deep Dream Trump Is Pure Nightmare Fuel

While computers are getting better at everything that makes humans so special (like opening doors), there is one area where we’ll always have them beat: abstract thought. After all, it’s hard to have a sense of whimsy when a misplaced semicolon can turn you into scrap. In fact, the closest we’ve gotten to giving computers a world of pure imagination is through “deep learning” — software that mimics how our neutrons fire and is perhaps the future of artificial intelligence. And like any good humans, we gave computers the gift of creativity, only to squander it on monstrosities like this:

Chris RodleyThat’s why you don’t share a teleporter with Muppets.

This is a deep learning interpretation of one of Donald Trump’s family photos. And if you’re wondering why Melania looks like Miss Piggy on her way to her third divorce, that’s on purpose. This art is the result of artist Chris Rodley plugging pictures of Donald Trump into a deep learning algorithm which was also “looking for images from Sesame Street.” The result is this hellscape of vacant expressions, googly eyes, and wandering hands — plus elements from Sesame Street.

Chris RodleyCourtesy of Industrial Light and Horror.

It could be a lot worse, though. You could be looking at a video of Trump transformed into an awakened eldritch horror struggling against the confines of our universe:

Though on the plus side, Trump’s hair has never looked more in its element.

Eric Cheng/YouTubeOh, like you’ve never had a wookiee sex dream.

This nightmare fuel was brought into our world by Eric Cheng, who said he created it by plugging a video of a Trump speech into a deep learning algorithm that was simultaneously thinking about Cthulhu. The level of Cthulhu influence was governed by the volume at which Trump was speaking. We’re lucky that it was one of his quieter rants. If it had been about minorities or women, that video might have accidentally opened a wormhole into the domain of the Elder Ones.

4

All Hail God-Emperor Trump!

To a lot of internet manbabies, Trump is the ultimate badass. He’s an ass-kicker and a risk-taker, a street fighter and shot-caller, the guy who puts the Big Mac into Mack Daddy. Of course, in order to maintain that view of Trump, you have to constantly ignore all of reality. Fortunately, the internet boys have found a way to easily block out the pesky truth by replacing it with hardcore sci-fi fan fiction!

Meet God-Emperor Trump, may his clogged arteries reign for eternity. Based on the lore of the popular tabletop gaming universe Warhammer 40,000, which is set in a ludicrously dystopian future, the cruddy side of the internet is filled with images of Trump as the iconic Emperor of Mankind, immortal ruler of the human empire bringing his never-ending war to the undesirables. Feels like satire, right? It isn’t.

via The Flama

via The FlamaHis armor appears to be made from the Ark of the Covenant, which is appropriate, since it makes us want to melt our faces off.

Sure, it’s pretty weird to pick an awesome god of war as the avatar for a dude who used alleged bone spurs as an excuse to get out of military duty, but that’s where the total disillusion comes in.

via r/Warhammer40k

Robokoboto/Art AbyssCarrying the skulls of his own supporters doesn’t seem ominous at all.

Read Next

Teach Kids The Alphabet With These Medieval Death Prints

But the comparison isn’t flattering for either side. Showing again that they have the cultural insight of someone who’s been in a coma since the ’60s, Trump fanboys seem to not realize that this Emperor of Mankind is nothing more than a freakish ghoul whose “shattered, decaying body can no longer support life,” or that his rule gave rise to “technological and cultural stagnation, and a regression into tyranny, superstition and religious obfuscation and intolerance.” So God-Emperor Trump is based on some creep who rules over a dystopia in which mindless, alien-hating fanatics sacrifice thousands daily to keep the bloated corpse of their despot ruler going. Maybe they did do their research after all.

And to put the cherry on the dumb neo-Nazi cake, the God-Emperor isn’t, uhm … white. He was born in central Anatolia (Turkey) in 8,000 BC. Meaning the web fascists have turned their white supremacy hero into a space-age Middle Eastern king.

Warhammer 40kOh yeah, this guy is totes going to preserve the white race, you dolts.

3

The New “Alt-Right” Cartoon Mascot Loves Dressing Up As Trump

You already know about Pepe, the lovable comic book frog who became a hate symbol. But since Pepe has gotten too mainstream, hardcore “alt-right” dudes have created a perfect mascot for the new Trump age: a poorly drawn copyright infringement.

via Will Sommer/Medium“Racist Frog, Reclining Nude”

This corpulent little shit-grinner is Groyper. No, that’s not a Trump-inspired new Pokemon (although we understand the confusion). We’re talking about Groyper the Frog, the MS Paint cartoon mascot for hardcore politicos. He even comes in many adorable outfits for fans to play dress-up with (dog whistle sold separately). There’s Papa John Groyper:

via Slate“These boxes actually contain Hungry Howie’s.”

Hulk Hogan Groyper:

via Will Sommer/Medium

Even a special edition “Are you offended yet?” Burka Groyper:

via SlateDon’t try to make sense of it. That way madness lies.

But among the favorite flavors of Groyper stands Trump Groyper, somehow looking less slimy as a lumpy frog:

via Will Sommer/MediumAnd the fake hair on the fake Trump-toad looks less ridiculous than the real hair on the real Trump-golem.

So if you’re wondering why all the worst accounts on Twitter switched up their avatars to this, that’s why. It’s definitely not because Matt Furie, the creator of Pepe, has started suing the white laces off of any popular enough site for copyright infringement. No, it’s because Pepe isn’t cool enough anymore. Not like Groyper, who’s too cool for school — art school, specifically.

Donald Trump/Twitter

2

The Anti-Obama Oil Painter Now Thinks Trump Is The New Messiah

Jon McNaughton is possibly one of history’s greatest artists. Not because he created anything breathtaking or profound or thought-provoking, mind, but because his works are some of the goddamn funniest examples of religious right-wing bathos.

Jon McNaughtonFirst and foremost, why would you plant a tree three feet in front a place where people will be sitting?

This lovely painting, titled You Are Not Forgotten, features Herr Conditioner and proves that you can’t make Trump look warm and charming even if you draw him yourself. But the real beauty of McNaughton’s art lies in the fact that he’s just a really, really hacky political cartoonist with a better brush stroke game. He often boasts about the number of “symbols” he manages to stuff into a single canvas. Here, the theme is unity. That’s why a not-that-keen eye can will spot that Everyman Trump is looming over a working-class family (whom he’s screwed) as they plant a flower (which he’s going to kill) in front of a crowd of veterans and soldiers (whom he dishonors), disabled people (whom he doesn’t care about), black people (whom he doesn’t like), various cabinet members (whom he’s fired), police officers (whom he’s insulted), and laborers (whom he doesn’t pay).

But McNaughton didn’t make his name by trimming half a dozen inches off of Trump’s waist. He became a conservative darling by taking dumps on President Obama for a solid eight years. Here’s his interpretation of Obama’s domestic policy:

Jon McNaughtonDid you notice the 9/11 symbolism? The thing that happened seven years before Obama was president, when a Republican was in office?

His foreign policy:

Jon McNaughtonTo be fair, Los Alamos does have a really nice golf course.

His stance on Obamacare:

Jon McNaughtonThere goes the plot for National Treasure 3.

And here again is that classic, featuring Obama trampling over the rights of the very same working man who Trump will later save while all the good Republican presidents are yelling at him:

Jon McNaughton“But I wanted to plant a tree there …”

Man, Obama really seems like a dick in these portraits. We’re surprised that the nuclear blast didn’t affect his golf swing, or that he escaped unharmed after dipping the Constitution in napalm and setting it alight in his hand, although that’s to be expected when you’re Literally Satan. His abilities are truly unending, as is his cruelty … as demonstrated by that time he forced a soldier to eat a slice of a gay wedding cake.

Jon McNaughton“It’s not even ice cream cake. Thanks, Obama.”

Save us, President Trump! Save us from that treacherous black sn- oh, you already have.

Jon McNaughtonThere is an extremely famous flag advising against this very thing!

1

Barron Trump, Manga Star

While Trump himself has a very divisive sort of popularity, the same can’t be said about the Trump children — Ivanka, Donnie Jr., and the one who looks like a hardboiled egg with a face drawn on it. His spawn are nigh-universally ridiculed, constantly putting their feet in those mouths they can’t ever seem to fully close. But one Trump kid is exempt from this ridicule: Barron, the unassuming, sweet-looking 12-year-old who actually has to live in the White House with his mom and dad. Making fun of a kid is not the nicest thing to do, so two sensitive artists have gone the other direction, trying to delve into the mind of this quiet boy and figuring out the turmoil he must feel from having the most powerful terrible father in the whole world — in fabulous manga form, natch.

Yuusuke Hori“At least it’s not a racist amphibian.”

This very melodramatic piece was posted by artist Yuusuke Hori right after Trump’s inauguration. It shows Barron in sparkly bishonen form with a title that reads “My loud, annoying dad is president, so the quiet unassuming life I wanted is completely over.” It was only meant as a silly mockup cover, but because it got insanely popular, we eventually got the for-realsies The Adventures Of Barron And His Loud-Mouthed President Father, and it’s everything we’ve ever wanted.

Joy LingWell, except for Trump not to be president, but still.

To all the non-otaku out there, TAOBAHLMPF (created by Brooklyn-based artist Joy Ling) sees Barron, who really just wants to “watch Netflix and play Pokemon,” teaming with Sasha and Malia Obama to solve the puzzle surrounding a “mysterious anomaly” that appeared after his father took office — which is not a polite way to refer to Kellyanne Conway. We don’t want to give away too many spoilers, but one of the central conflicts revolves around Barron trying to persuade his father to help put things right. Oh, that’s right, Donald Jerwillickers Trump makes an appearance, or at least the DJT from the universe where he doesn’t believe that exercise is a liberal plot to sap his precious bodily fluids.

Joy Ling“Please don’t tell me which flui-“ “Semen.”

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about depressing history that you should definitely subscribe to.

Art is great for letting some of the tension out, in case that’s a thing you need to do in this day and age, so maybe pick up some Bob Ross oil paints?

Support Cracked’s journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out 8 Hilariously Offensive Artworks Featuring Famous Presidents and 5 Unsettling Sub-Genres Of Fan Art Lurking On The Internet.

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25547_5-wtf-ways-trump-has-been-immortalized-as-artwork.html

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5 WTF Ways Trump Has Been Immortalized As Artwork

It wasn’t his knowledge of policy, his charm, or anything remotely leadership-like that led to the popularity of Donald Trump. If anything, it was the ease and willingness with which he turned himself into a walking meme, complete with a fandom busy creating fanfiction, fan theories (i.e. insane conspiracy theories), and, of course, tons of bad fan art. Here are some of the weirdest and wildest pieces in the current Trumpian art movement for you to absorb before they find their way into the National Portrait Gallery.

5

Deep Dream Trump Is Pure Nightmare Fuel

While computers are getting better at everything that makes humans so special (like opening doors), there is one area where we’ll always have them beat: abstract thought. After all, it’s hard to have a sense of whimsy when a misplaced semicolon can turn you into scrap. In fact, the closest we’ve gotten to giving computers a world of pure imagination is through “deep learning” — software that mimics how our neutrons fire and is perhaps the future of artificial intelligence. And like any good humans, we gave computers the gift of creativity, only to squander it on monstrosities like this:

Chris RodleyThat’s why you don’t share a teleporter with Muppets.

This is a deep learning interpretation of one of Donald Trump’s family photos. And if you’re wondering why Melania looks like Miss Piggy on her way to her third divorce, that’s on purpose. This art is the result of artist Chris Rodley plugging pictures of Donald Trump into a deep learning algorithm which was also “looking for images from Sesame Street.” The result is this hellscape of vacant expressions, googly eyes, and wandering hands — plus elements from Sesame Street.

Chris RodleyCourtesy of Industrial Light and Horror.

It could be a lot worse, though. You could be looking at a video of Trump transformed into an awakened eldritch horror struggling against the confines of our universe:

Though on the plus side, Trump’s hair has never looked more in its element.

Eric Cheng/YouTubeOh, like you’ve never had a wookiee sex dream.

This nightmare fuel was brought into our world by Eric Cheng, who said he created it by plugging a video of a Trump speech into a deep learning algorithm that was simultaneously thinking about Cthulhu. The level of Cthulhu influence was governed by the volume at which Trump was speaking. We’re lucky that it was one of his quieter rants. If it had been about minorities or women, that video might have accidentally opened a wormhole into the domain of the Elder Ones.

4

All Hail God-Emperor Trump!

To a lot of internet manbabies, Trump is the ultimate badass. He’s an ass-kicker and a risk-taker, a street fighter and shot-caller, the guy who puts the Big Mac into Mack Daddy. Of course, in order to maintain that view of Trump, you have to constantly ignore all of reality. Fortunately, the internet boys have found a way to easily block out the pesky truth by replacing it with hardcore sci-fi fan fiction!

Meet God-Emperor Trump, may his clogged arteries reign for eternity. Based on the lore of the popular tabletop gaming universe Warhammer 40,000, which is set in a ludicrously dystopian future, the cruddy side of the internet is filled with images of Trump as the iconic Emperor of Mankind, immortal ruler of the human empire bringing his never-ending war to the undesirables. Feels like satire, right? It isn’t.

via The Flama

via The FlamaHis armor appears to be made from the Ark of the Covenant, which is appropriate, since it makes us want to melt our faces off.

Sure, it’s pretty weird to pick an awesome god of war as the avatar for a dude who used alleged bone spurs as an excuse to get out of military duty, but that’s where the total disillusion comes in.

via r/Warhammer40k

Robokoboto/Art AbyssCarrying the skulls of his own supporters doesn’t seem ominous at all.

Read Next

Teach Kids The Alphabet With These Medieval Death Prints

But the comparison isn’t flattering for either side. Showing again that they have the cultural insight of someone who’s been in a coma since the ’60s, Trump fanboys seem to not realize that this Emperor of Mankind is nothing more than a freakish ghoul whose “shattered, decaying body can no longer support life,” or that his rule gave rise to “technological and cultural stagnation, and a regression into tyranny, superstition and religious obfuscation and intolerance.” So God-Emperor Trump is based on some creep who rules over a dystopia in which mindless, alien-hating fanatics sacrifice thousands daily to keep the bloated corpse of their despot ruler going. Maybe they did do their research after all.

And to put the cherry on the dumb neo-Nazi cake, the God-Emperor isn’t, uhm … white. He was born in central Anatolia (Turkey) in 8,000 BC. Meaning the web fascists have turned their white supremacy hero into a space-age Middle Eastern king.

Warhammer 40kOh yeah, this guy is totes going to preserve the white race, you dolts.

3

The New “Alt-Right” Cartoon Mascot Loves Dressing Up As Trump

You already know about Pepe, the lovable comic book frog who became a hate symbol. But since Pepe has gotten too mainstream, hardcore “alt-right” dudes have created a perfect mascot for the new Trump age: a poorly drawn copyright infringement.

via Will Sommer/Medium“Racist Frog, Reclining Nude”

This corpulent little shit-grinner is Groyper. No, that’s not a Trump-inspired new Pokemon (although we understand the confusion). We’re talking about Groyper the Frog, the MS Paint cartoon mascot for hardcore politicos. He even comes in many adorable outfits for fans to play dress-up with (dog whistle sold separately). There’s Papa John Groyper:

via Slate“These boxes actually contain Hungry Howie’s.”

Hulk Hogan Groyper:

via Will Sommer/Medium

Even a special edition “Are you offended yet?” Burka Groyper:

via SlateDon’t try to make sense of it. That way madness lies.

But among the favorite flavors of Groyper stands Trump Groyper, somehow looking less slimy as a lumpy frog:

via Will Sommer/MediumAnd the fake hair on the fake Trump-toad looks less ridiculous than the real hair on the real Trump-golem.

So if you’re wondering why all the worst accounts on Twitter switched up their avatars to this, that’s why. It’s definitely not because Matt Furie, the creator of Pepe, has started suing the white laces off of any popular enough site for copyright infringement. No, it’s because Pepe isn’t cool enough anymore. Not like Groyper, who’s too cool for school — art school, specifically.

Donald Trump/Twitter

2

The Anti-Obama Oil Painter Now Thinks Trump Is The New Messiah

Jon McNaughton is possibly one of history’s greatest artists. Not because he created anything breathtaking or profound or thought-provoking, mind, but because his works are some of the goddamn funniest examples of religious right-wing bathos.

Jon McNaughtonFirst and foremost, why would you plant a tree three feet in front a place where people will be sitting?

This lovely painting, titled You Are Not Forgotten, features Herr Conditioner and proves that you can’t make Trump look warm and charming even if you draw him yourself. But the real beauty of McNaughton’s art lies in the fact that he’s just a really, really hacky political cartoonist with a better brush stroke game. He often boasts about the number of “symbols” he manages to stuff into a single canvas. Here, the theme is unity. That’s why a not-that-keen eye can will spot that Everyman Trump is looming over a working-class family (whom he’s screwed) as they plant a flower (which he’s going to kill) in front of a crowd of veterans and soldiers (whom he dishonors), disabled people (whom he doesn’t care about), black people (whom he doesn’t like), various cabinet members (whom he’s fired), police officers (whom he’s insulted), and laborers (whom he doesn’t pay).

But McNaughton didn’t make his name by trimming half a dozen inches off of Trump’s waist. He became a conservative darling by taking dumps on President Obama for a solid eight years. Here’s his interpretation of Obama’s domestic policy:

Jon McNaughtonDid you notice the 9/11 symbolism? The thing that happened seven years before Obama was president, when a Republican was in office?

His foreign policy:

Jon McNaughtonTo be fair, Los Alamos does have a really nice golf course.

His stance on Obamacare:

Jon McNaughtonThere goes the plot for National Treasure 3.

And here again is that classic, featuring Obama trampling over the rights of the very same working man who Trump will later save while all the good Republican presidents are yelling at him:

Jon McNaughton“But I wanted to plant a tree there …”

Man, Obama really seems like a dick in these portraits. We’re surprised that the nuclear blast didn’t affect his golf swing, or that he escaped unharmed after dipping the Constitution in napalm and setting it alight in his hand, although that’s to be expected when you’re Literally Satan. His abilities are truly unending, as is his cruelty … as demonstrated by that time he forced a soldier to eat a slice of a gay wedding cake.

Jon McNaughton“It’s not even ice cream cake. Thanks, Obama.”

Save us, President Trump! Save us from that treacherous black sn- oh, you already have.

Jon McNaughtonThere is an extremely famous flag advising against this very thing!

1

Barron Trump, Manga Star

While Trump himself has a very divisive sort of popularity, the same can’t be said about the Trump children — Ivanka, Donnie Jr., and the one who looks like a hardboiled egg with a face drawn on it. His spawn are nigh-universally ridiculed, constantly putting their feet in those mouths they can’t ever seem to fully close. But one Trump kid is exempt from this ridicule: Barron, the unassuming, sweet-looking 12-year-old who actually has to live in the White House with his mom and dad. Making fun of a kid is not the nicest thing to do, so two sensitive artists have gone the other direction, trying to delve into the mind of this quiet boy and figuring out the turmoil he must feel from having the most powerful terrible father in the whole world — in fabulous manga form, natch.

Yuusuke Hori“At least it’s not a racist amphibian.”

This very melodramatic piece was posted by artist Yuusuke Hori right after Trump’s inauguration. It shows Barron in sparkly bishonen form with a title that reads “My loud, annoying dad is president, so the quiet unassuming life I wanted is completely over.” It was only meant as a silly mockup cover, but because it got insanely popular, we eventually got the for-realsies The Adventures Of Barron And His Loud-Mouthed President Father, and it’s everything we’ve ever wanted.

Joy LingWell, except for Trump not to be president, but still.

To all the non-otaku out there, TAOBAHLMPF (created by Brooklyn-based artist Joy Ling) sees Barron, who really just wants to “watch Netflix and play Pokemon,” teaming with Sasha and Malia Obama to solve the puzzle surrounding a “mysterious anomaly” that appeared after his father took office — which is not a polite way to refer to Kellyanne Conway. We don’t want to give away too many spoilers, but one of the central conflicts revolves around Barron trying to persuade his father to help put things right. Oh, that’s right, Donald Jerwillickers Trump makes an appearance, or at least the DJT from the universe where he doesn’t believe that exercise is a liberal plot to sap his precious bodily fluids.

Joy Ling“Please don’t tell me which flui-“ “Semen.”

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about depressing history that you should definitely subscribe to.

Art is great for letting some of the tension out, in case that’s a thing you need to do in this day and age, so maybe pick up some Bob Ross oil paints?

Support Cracked’s journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out 8 Hilariously Offensive Artworks Featuring Famous Presidents and 5 Unsettling Sub-Genres Of Fan Art Lurking On The Internet.

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25547_5-wtf-ways-trump-has-been-immortalized-as-artwork.html

from Viral News HQ https://ift.tt/2LbRvyT via Viral News HQ