#plus I was at my second job for an hour just doing a tiny bit of paperwork

[guzhufuren]

Hey, I've noticed you've been pretty quiet lately and I hope you're doing okay. I know we're not friends or even mutuals so I'm sorry if I'm overstepping by messaging! I hope the world will treat you kindly and that you can find comfort and support if you need it 💕

hi sweetheart wow this is so genuinely nice and kind of you, thank you so much for caring to the point of reaching out

i'm on the way there! i will be okay, hopefully soon. it's not serious, i just had a medium sized break down after receiving a very negative comment on something i made, in mix with a bit of unrelated loneliness and yearning on top of that, plus many many 4am drowsy what-am-i-doing-with-my-life regretful thoughts that i have had in the last months swimming up. like for my unwellness history it's really only about 6 points on the scale where the maximum is 10, so not big. i turned all social apps off but couldn't shake off the distress caused by that one stranger on the internet being unkind to my project, despite knowing they were misunderstanding and were also not in a state to understand at all, so i was kind of confused about what's up with my brain and why it can't move on

and it was a good choice! because after being only with myself without any internet distractions for the first time in years, figured out in just a day that mood swings have been back for a while, over one month at least (so anger issues weren't totally Yunho's fault actually bless him), some other parts of mental health worsened too

got a grip on myself, went to my doctor, got back on meds, now i'm sleepy every minute of waking hours while my body is getting used to them again, but it's gonna be fine. received advice on how to write a mood log, turns out very helpful as additional treatment to keep hypomania and anxiety under control. i even started working out, doing memory exercises and preparing my exam notes tentatively, which is so hard and scary, oh my god, but i must. job search is even scarier but i'm working myself up to finding a good one with little, very very very very tiny steps but they are moving

in the first day of self made quarantine i rewatched the queer korean show Love for Love's Sake that cured me from depression for a while and from any possibility of suicidality for a lifetime last year. it didn't work the trick again, because i'm really not living in the best or even just calm psychological environment to let it do its magical healing thing the way it should, but it did give me new clarity and make me intensely cry some shit out, so that was also very nice

accidentally found the best fic ever and it brought me so much very needed comfort in the past week. it's sweet, funny and stress free. like a warm blanket. or a cup of vanilla cocoa that makes your cold toes tingle in winter. or a hug from the love of your life. first atz and woosan fic to enter my hall of all time longfic favourites. very rare honor but it deserves it completely

also found a bunch of bloggers who post videos of the ocean in Thailand, some even stream the beach 24/7. it's so cool, i watch it in the evenings for short periods of time. helps making it bearable to just survive here a little bit longer until i am able leave

i sort of of really like that when i don't spend 12 hours a day on the phone doing mind-numbing scrolling or posting, there is so much free time to do cool stuff? i have kinda felt like i can be back on here for a couple of days, but i still freak out a bit for two reasons. first, that bad comment is still hanging there and it still makes me too upset to open notifications or my own blog page, which is ridiculous but that's how my dumbass unwell-brain-made feelings are. so i will see how that goes away and i get over it like an adult. second, i'm scared to be sucked back in the addiction to the colourful little hellsite app so i usually end up throwing the phone away in panic after 5 minutes of the app being open. maybe i will work up to it more gradually, don't know, let's see how that goes too

thank you again my little treasure, i will happily take that kindness and comfort you offered here as you are a part of the world. and you can message without worrying anytime, no mutualship or officially labelled friendship necessary. i'm very cool with small amount of interactions, just not big on chatting online one on one for long and don't enjoy it super much. and also with how often i see you around we are considered friends for sure. so thank you again for being so sweet i really am so grateful to you for this, one hundred friend hugs in return

[undefeatednils]

Okay, done for today. Rewarding myself with Critical Role. Dinner later, nothing else for today...

[swordsandholly]

Cherry Bomb - tattoo parlor anthology

MDNI | poly 141 x fem fat reader | masterlist

Part 7: Firsts

Kyle bought you lunch before your set time. To make sure you ate, he said. He still asked about five times if you felt like you ate enough or needed water even after sitting across from you while you downed a to-go container of pad se ew and your fourth ounce bottle.

You just laugh and point to a piece on your knee. “Babes I got this with nothing but a trenta iced coffee and two hours of sleep in my system. I’m fine, I promise.”

John made a baffled noise at that. Kyle looked like he was going to throw up. That look remained as he went through the process of setting up in John’s studio room. Kyle is meticulous about it. Each step done with care. You feel a bit silly sitting around and twiddling your thumbs.

“Just breathe. It’s fine.” John murmurs in a low rumble that somehow has you relaxing more than the indented party.

“It’s almost more scary doing someone I know.” Kyle huffs.

You laugh. “Can’t be worse than the blown out piece of shit on my left arm. C’mon, I’ve seen what you can do. You’ve got this.”

John nods, sitting on the other side of you.

“Besides, even if it sucks I’ll still be honored to be your first real apprentice tattoo.” You pipe up.

Kyle chuckles, low and unsure. Part of you wants to give him an out, to say he doesn’t have to, but you can see the set of his jaw even as his eyes flick between his supplies and the stencil in his hand nervously. He’s determined as much as he is scared. There’s no getting him out of that headspace until he’s done.

You chose something easy. One of Kyle’s more dainty, simple flash designs for the back of your thigh, just below the curve of your ass. A little bow with minimal shading. Something he’s practiced a thousand times and an easy enough starting point. Plus, you already mentioned having him do a matching one on the other side when he’s ready for it. Easy practice.

“C’mon, at least get the stencil on before you have a panic attack.” You try to keep your voice light, turning your back to him.

Kyle sighs. You hear his stool roll forward as he scoots in close to place it. John shuffles around to stand over him. A nasty part of your brain complains about exposing your cellulite to these two fit men but you push that deep down into nothing. A second, more embarrassing part wonders if you should have chose a more appropriate spot… that maybe you shouldn’t be standing in front of your boss and coworker in teeny-tiny biker shorts that barely cover you. You shove that down right next to the other mean thoughts.

You pointedly ignore the heat that shoots up your spine as Kyle’s hands feel out the shape of your thigh to get it centered - keeping your eyes forward as he slowly presses the paper against you. You could swear a thumb traces the curve of your cheek as he smoothes it but that’s probably just wishful thinking.

“Good job, kid.” John claps a hand on Kyle’s shoulder as soon as the paper is pulled away. You turn around in the mirror to check it, expecting to probably have to move it, but from what you can tell it really is perfect.

“Damn, dude, on your first try!” You grin, clapping happily.

Kyle nods stiffly, but you see the way the corner of his mouth quirks up. You unceremoniously clamber onto the table, moving around so your back doesn’t hurt from laying flat for the next few hours with your arms folded under your head.

“Hey.” You whisper while John steps away to grab something. “Get through this without freaking out and I’ll give you a reward.”

“A reward?” He tilts his head, smile turning from an nervous curl of his lip to a boyish grin.

You jokingly bat your lashes. “I’ll give you a kiss.”

Kyle chuckles. “With tongue?”

You gawk, face hot. “Mr. Garrick! Where’d my knight in shining armor go?”

“Just tryin’ t’ figure out exactly what I’m workin’ toward.”

You hum, pretending to mull it over. “We’ll see. Depends on how well you do.”

Kyle levels a look at you, something heated as his lip catches between his teeth. It’s only there for a moment, gone as soon as he turns to his tools. Replaced by a laser focus.

“Alright.” John settles back into his seat on your other side. “Let’s do one line and then see how we all feel.”

Kyle nods. You shuffle a little to make you’re you’re as comfortable as possible for the next however long. You know it’s going to be a while even if it isn’t a simple design. He’s new and precise with means slow.

The familiar whirr of the gun starts up. You shut your eyes, waiting, hoping that you aren’t projecting any more tension into the room than Kyle is. The needle stings when it finally touches you, but not as badly as you braced for. His touch is light.

He pulls the gun away and let’s put a giant sigh. “How y’feel, luv?”

“Hm? Oh, I’m all good. You?” You tilt your chin a bit to meet his eye.

“Better now that it’s started.”

“Good.” John nods, chest bumping your leg as he leans forward to look. “Looks good. Keep on.”

The room is nearly silent as he works. You turned down the music before coming back so he wouldn’t get overwhelmed - at least that was your reasoning. You’d get overwhelmed. Kyle is more levelheaded than you are, though.

“Thassit.” John smiles - or at least that’s how it sounds in his voice. “Her skin takes ink so well, yeah?”

Fuck, that totally should not do it for you. Gravelly voiced British bastard. You keep your eyes locked onto the flash on the far wall as you attempt to cool down.

Kyle just hums, seemingly unable to talk as he concentrates. He probably is with how dialed in he looks. You take a break before he gets to shading, stretching and getting some water. It takes a while, but not as long as you assumed. You start to get that ache in your skin partway through the shading - that feeling when your nerves are so tired from firing off pain receptors they just all sort of start burning dully.

However long later Kyle pulls away. “I… think it’s done?”

“You think?” John challenges.

Kyle sighs before speaking with more finality. “It’s done.”

There’s a few beats where John assess and you hold your breath. He points to a couple spots where Kyle’s hand slipped a bit or he applied too much pressure, but when you check it out in the mirror yourself you don’t see that all. Perfectionists.

You can’t help but squeal and jump, clapping happily and barely standing still while Kyle puts the saniderm on. You’re just to happy! Not only did Kyle get his first tattoo done but now you have brand new (free) cute ink to show off. Kyle looks tired, though, so you try not over overwhelm him while he cleans up. Concentrating like that with anxiety must have really taken it out of him.

You sort of forget about your promise of a reward for the next week. Too busy focusing on taking care of your new tattoo. The only downside to the placement is sitting in your office chair itches - especially once you take the saniderm off. You’ve mostly taken to standing while working and wearing shorts and skirts to let it breathe. It’s worth it, though. You’ll have to ask Kyle how soon he wants to do the other one. Without being pushy, of course.

You quietly hum to yourself as you get the cash drawers ready to lock away in the backroom safe. Triple checking the bags and making sure tips are divided correctly, etc.

“Hey, lovie.” Kyle saddles up behind you suddenly, hands on your hips.

You jump. “Holy shit, you scared the hell out of me!”

“Sorry.” He chuckles. A hand slips down your hip, palm tracing the hem of your tennis skirt to lightly rest over the little bow. “How’s she healin’?”

“It’s, uh, it-“ You stutter, eyes wide and skin hot. If it were Johnny, you’d laugh and swat him away - maybe let his hand wander to your ass first - but Kyle doesn’t do this. Not that you don’t like it - the problem lies in that you’re liking it too much. If the patter of your heart is anything to go by. “It’s good. Not itching yet or anything.”

Kyle hums. “Good.”

“Th-that all?”

“Think you forgot somethin’.” He turns you around, hands firmly planted on the softness of your waist. When you just give him a bewildered look he continues. “I was promised a reward, I think.”

“O-oh?” Your face burns, eyes wide. Is he serious? Part of you wants to say no - to push him away. You’re coworkers, after all. Until your eyes meet his, so big and warm and his lips forming a perfect pout. “John….?”

Kyle chuckles ans crosses his chest. “John won’t care. Cross my heart.”

He gives you a moment to mull it over. You don’t think he’s making fun of or bating you - Kyle wouldn’t do that. There’s no way he’s interested either. That’s one delusion you can firmly plant in the ’purely imaginary’ category.

Whatever. What do you have to lose from a little back room make out?

Your lips meets his. Fuck, they’re soft. He steals your breath - greedy and gentile. It’s been so long since you’ve been kissed, much less kissed well. One of the hands on your waist moves to your low back as Kyle leans into you. Your hands grapple onto his shoulders to steady you. He takes advantage of your gasp at being tilted back to swipe is tongue between your lips.

You mould together, breaths heavy and tongues dancing. A needy, pathetic little part of you wishes the hand that drifted from your waist to your hip would hook under your thigh. That Kyle would tilt you all the way back onto the desk and throw your leg over his shoulder, eagerly pushing up your skirt-

An ‘I love you’ dances on the tip of your tongue and you reel back harshly, hand flat on his chest to separate you.

“Alright?” He murmurs, eyes half lidded and dark.

You swallow roughly and nod, breathing hard. “I, uh, I need to finish the safe.”

Something passes across his face briefly as your eyes flick between his. Whatever it was, it’s replaced by his usual easy smile as he returns to standing at his full height, the hands on your waist steady you before disappearing. Your stomach drops as they go.

“See you tomorrow.” Kyle murmurs, pressing one last little peck on your cheek before striding away, leaving you alone in the back room with a hot face and whirlwind thoughts.

Fuck.

A/N: brought to you by the time a tattoo artist told me my skin takes ink well in the most haunting bedroom voice I’ve ever heard😵‍💫 killed me right then and there

[woso-fan13]

2024: Whumptober 10 (Beth/viv)

No. 10: BLOW TO THE HEAD

Slurred Words | Passing Out from Pain | "I can't think straight."

Injuries are common in football, and even more common when someone’s as accident prone as you are. Most are scrapes and bruises, and there’s always some sort of turf-burn. There are more serious injuries though, broken bones and torn ACLs. And, of course, head injuries. 

Most injuries seem to happen during games, when you’re overworked and dealing with constant nasty tackles. Getting hurt in practice wasn’t as common. Getting hurt during a water break during practice was unheard of until now. 

You could have sworn that the bench came out of nowhere, but one second you were walking and chugging your drink and the next you were lying on the ground, wiggling as pain shot through your head. And you quickly regressed, taking a deep inhale before crying loudly. 

Beth dropped her water, hurrying over to you when she heard that sound. She knew that cry all too well, and she knew that that cry meant a very little y/n.

—-

You had gone through a multitude of exams with the physios before your Mummy had scooped you off of the hard table and taken you back to the locker room. She quickly gets the two of you rinsed off in the shower and dresses you in a diaper and pajamas that she had pulled out of your diaper bag. Swinging the multitude of bags over her shoulder, Beth picks you up and carries you to the car. 

An hour later, you were propped up against Mummy’s chest, lying comfortably against her on the sofa. Your ouchie head was feeling the tiniest bit better after taking your medicine, but the cuddles were definitely helping you the most. 

“Bug, look at the screen,” Mummy prompts.

Your head feels too heavy to pick up yourself (plus, Mummy’s doing such a good job holding it already) so you just turn to face her phone. 

Your little face lights up when you see the picture, becoming excited when you realize it’s not just a picture of Mama, but the tiny version of Mama who’s stuck in the phone. 

You babble at the phone halfheartedly, Beth and Viv only able to make out about a quarter of what you’re saying but nodding along to your slurred words. 

“My sweet, concussed baby,” Mama coos at you through the phone. 

You’re not really sure what that big “c” word means, but you know ‘baby’ and you confidently mumble it back to her to ensure that you are, in fact, her sweet baby. 

Mama’s still cooing at you over the phone, speaking words that you can’t understand but sound really pretty in your ears. And Mummy’s rubbing her hand that’s not holding her phone over your belly and it tickles just a tiny bit in the way you like. 

Maybe it’s all of the love, maybe it’s the head injury, but it's probably a combination of both that causes your eyes to get really heavy as you become so sleepy that you relax fully into Mummy and drift off. 

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Paradigm Shift 3

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: you get transferred to a new position but it’s hardly a breath of fresh air. (plus!reader)

Characters: Loki, Bucky Barnes, this reader is known as Billie.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

💼Part of the Bad Bosses AU💼

Dark roast, black. You're tempted to order one for yourself but the extra dose of caffeine might unhinge you after the morning you've had. Transfer, no desk, a firing, a stolen desk, and two painfully aloof bosses.  

You go back up to the office, the short reprieve offering some clarity but not solutions. There has to be some way to get more than a grunt and a closed door from these men. Geez, if you wanted to work with children you would've done so. 

You knock on Mr. Barnes' door. The one next to it opens first. Laufeyson considers you from head to toe and Barnes appears not a second after. He takes his cup without a thanks. 

"Mm, and where is mine then?" Laufeyson challenges. 

You blink, long and hard. Of course. Of course! You let out a slow breath, "what would you like, Mr. Laufeyson?" 

You don't miss the quiet snort from the other door and it closes before you can glance Barnes' expression. You have a suspicion he expected this. It's like your first job when you worked with a bunch of men in stocks. Their numbers were as bloated as their egos. 

“Matcha.” 

The door shuts in your face. Again. You bite down and stretch your fingers wide. It’s fine. It’s fine. Growing pains. 

Matcha... what? Iced? Latte? Hot tea? Smoothie? Wonderful, a guessing game. 

You will be getting yourself another coffee for the trouble. Another trip to Roasters and you settle on the simplest option; just tea. You’re certain if you’re wrong, he’ll let you know.  

You stand at the two office doors and contemplate your life decisions. Is this worth it? Can you beg Odinson to take you back? To send down another poor soul? You almost feel bad doing that to someone else. You’re about to give when that innate stubborn ticks in your jaw. It’s only been a few hours. You don’t just give up that easy. 

Knock, knock. There’s a delay before Laufeyson answers. You’re not put off by it. You know the tactic. It won’t work on you. If his tea is cold, it won’t be your fault. 

“Matcha, sir,” you hold out the cup. 

He accepts it and reads the sticker on the side. He narrows his green eyes and looks at you, “note for next time, I prefer Garcon’s to Roasters.” 

Click. Another shut door. You’re really starting to get angry. You laugh out the flurry of agitation and turn away. What else can you do but think of it as a joke? It has to be. It’s just that absurd. 

You sit at the desk and open your laptop. You get it hooked up to the monitor and refinagle the cords. That’s an accomplishment at least. A tiny morsel of victory. You glance around and frown. It’s like the waiting room in Beetlejuice; everyone looks miserable. Well, can you blame them? 

Your phone buzzes and you check the messages. Girl nights hangs like bait at the end of your day, keeping you swimming through dark waters. It’s a bit ridiculous. Your friends are all like you in one way but all vastly different in many other ways. You all spend your days taking care of men who couldn’t give a shit about any of you. 

You can already taste the Paloma; bitter grapefruit with the burn of tequila. You are dying to drink away this day. You look at the clock and nearly whimper. It’s not even one o’clock. Ugh. 

You plug away at your desk. You get the daily agendas templated then spend time scouring the web. You have something in mind. You’re pretty sure you can make it work. As long as those grumps can do the simplest of tasks. 

You customize the survey and send the link. You doubt you’ll get a response today or even at all. It’s a hail mary, really. Barnes’ door opens, then Laufeysons. Your chest fills with dread. Great. 

“Hello, sir and... sir,” you sit up as they approach. 

“What is the meaning of that quiz?” Laufeyson demands. 

“It’s not-- 

“Asking a lot, aren’t you?” Barnes crosses his arms. 

“No, I just--” 

“What business do you have about my dry cleaning?” Laufeyson hisses. 

“I have lunch when I have lunch. I'm not a child at grade school,” Barnes sneers.

“Okay, woah,” you put your palms out, “first, there’s an n/a column, you can choose not to disclose the information. Two, I need to know what to do. What do you want from me?” 

Both men frown and look at each other, then back to you. 

“I can think of one,” Laufeyson raises a finger, “don’t treat us as children who need you to put our socks on.” 

“Good one,” Barnes scoffs, “also, you could stop with calendar reminders.” 

“Those are automatic,” you mutter. 

“And the arguing,” Laufeyson points at you. 

You sputter, dizzy at their onslaught of criticism. They can tell you exactly what they don’t want but they can’t give you a clear answer as to why you are there. You calm yourself with a breath and sip of coffee. 

“Mr. Laufeyson, Mr. Barnes--” 

“Why him first? My name’s first alphabetically,” Barnes says. 

“I--” you stop yourself and take another taste of your coffee, “if my presence is getting in the way of your work, I will go back upstairs and talk to Mr. Odinson--” 

“Mr. Odinson? Thor?” Laufeyson says, “no, you won’t do that. In fact, that is another item for your list, no talking to my brother. Especially of me.” 

You could tear your hair out. You could hit your head on the wall. You could gauge your eyes out and drown yourself in your coffee. Instead, you smile. 

“Got it,” you say, “well, sirs, good luck with your meeting this afternoon.” 

“Yes, thank you,” Laufeyson intones. 

“Mm, sure,” Barnes says and they both turn on their heels then stop at once. They face you in sync with each other. 

“Meeting?” They ask. 

“Mmhm,” you nod, “it’s in your calendars.” 

They stare at you. 

“If that’s something you’d like me to brief you on,” you say tritely, “you can submit that in the survey.” 

Laufeyson hums dryly and Barnes growls. Neither says anything further as they retreat. You keep your eyes on the screen as your heartbeat races. You can’t believe you said that. 

[idkwhatever580]

Her pt. 2

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Prompt: after y/n gets rescued what is in store in the next chapter of her life with Natasha?

Warnings: cursing

Pronouns: she/her

A/N: I’m super excited about this one. Make sure you read chapter one first so you have some insight on how nat and y/n met!!! I hope y’all like it :)))

Here’s part one :))) I’m working on a master list I swear -> https://www.tumblr.com/idkwhatever580/749750524015984640/her-pt-1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n’s pov

I cannot believe it’s been a whole year since I met Natasha.

She and the avengers immediately took me in and I found myself going over to the compound much more than I expected.

I still have my house in Long Island. But I never stay there really anymore. Ever since Natasha and I started dating I haven’t spent too much time there.

It only took three months for me to virtually move in with her. Although I do wish she’d come with me sometimes.

But I don’t really worry about that since one of the floors in the tower is my new soup kitchen. It’s open twenty four hours a day and there are at least 2-6 people working there at all times.

As promised Tony Stark and SHEILD helped me get my business up and running.

I make homes for the homeless. Sometimes they are bigger more communal homes and sometimes they are tiny one or two person homes.

My first two homes are side by side. They were for gran and pops. They were always my biggest supporters and still are.

My program has changed so many lives. There are so many people out there who just need a little bit of love.

Sometimes the homeless people will use the homes as a forever home but most often they get jobs. Become more financially stable and independent and then they will move out. It’s really great. Because I see so many people I’ve helped become something. Someone.

There are so many who have told me they thought they would never amount to anything. And a few of them have become very successful even as far as becoming a CEO.

I am incredibly proud of my work.

And honestly it’s so exciting to see what changes I can make every single day.

For example. Today is the release date of my nationwide program.

All over the country a program is being launched where homeless people can find shelter, rehabilitation centers, and other necessities for free so they can have a second chance at life. I am doing some interviews today.

Unfortunately Natasha isn’t here. She has a mission. I’m a little sad that she won’t be with me tonight as the program launches but the show must go on.

I check my watch and see it is time to leave for the opening ceremony and I go downstairs to find Happy.

I smile and say

“What’s up Happy! Are you ready?”

He smiles sadly and says

“Yes I am ready. But I must inform you that I am only your chauffeur tonight. Unfortunately I cannot be your plus one.”

I frown when he says this because he was supposed to fill in for Natasha and now I have nobody.

“Oh. Well. That’s okay!”

I smile and cover up my disappointment. He drives me to the red carpet and helps me out. I kiss his cheek accidentally leaving a lipstick stain and I say

“Thank you. Have a good night Happy.”

He usually goes home and I have a different driver drive me home.

I walk to the red carpet by myself and put on my best smile. I make it about halfway through the carpet and an arm snakes around me and this mystery person says

“Am I late?”

“Oh!”

I jump and put my hand to my chest and I look at my beautiful girlfriend with a huge smile on my face and I say

“Jesus! You scared me!”

My brain doesn’t even register that she’s back since I’m in the zone and then I do a double take and say

“Wait! What!?”

She giggles when I realize and I slap her chest and say

“I thought you were at a mission?!”

She chuckles and says.

“I got off early enough to make it. That’s why Happy isn’t here with you. I tried my best. But I couldn’t get the best suit”

She looks down at her suit and I look her up and down and say

“You look amazing baby. Perfect right here with me.”

I smile and give her a kiss. We always wear matching lipstick colors so that we can kiss and not get it messed up.

Then I put my hand on her chest and we keep taking pictures.

The rest of the night goes smoothly and I give a speech. I talk to a few people who have helped my journey and then we head home.

I get changed and wait in bed for Natasha. She takes a while so I complain

“Nattyyy”

She comes out of the bathroom and smiles and says

“Yes baby?”

I hold my arms out for her and pout

“I missed you”

She gets into bed with me and says

“I missed you too.”

Once we’re comfy she looks me in the eyes and says

“Goodnight my love. You have done such amazing things for so many people and I am so lucky to be yours.”

I smile and say

“I love you baby. Goodnight”

We kiss and drift off into a nice comfortable sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: guys this is so bad. It feels rushed and blah. Idk how I feel about it. I became so unmotivated and just wanted to move on to the next thing but I didn’t want to just leave it. 😭🔫

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I didn’t let my friend bring their partner to social events?

We are all in our 30s and all trans/NB/queer. My friend (B) and I have known each other nearly 20 years, and over those years they’ve had a rough dating history. They’ve had several emotionally and mentally abusive or neglectful partners, further details about that I won’t give here. I’ve met most of them and they’ve always disliked me for various reasons (usually they were just jealous of the place I held in their life).

Recently though, B seems to have found someone who makes them happy (we’ll call them T) and T treats them better than their previous partners. Which is great! I’m happy for B. But I find T insufferable.

Granted, I don’t have to see T very often, but when I do its always uncomfortable.

The first time I met T they trauma dumped immediately. In the first half hour I knew all about their horrible family but couldn’t tell you any hobby or interest they had. We were in a very public place and I didn’t feel it was the most appropriate topic to get to know someone, but I tried to relate with my own stories all the same. However, T always had to “one up” every story I told. it felt like a “whose childhood was worse” competition.

The second time we all hung out T ignored me completely, really only hanging around and talking to B. Since it was B’s birthday I didn’t really mind at all. Plus, we were at a beercade so everyone was kinda off doing their own thing. But even when we all sat down they just kinda threw looks my way but didnt say a word to me.

But most recently I had hosted a halloween party (it was only 8 folks so tiny party) where B and T both showed up. When T asked me how work was going I started with what I felt was a normal “Ah yeah, it sucks but—” and before I could say anything else they spoke over me to say

“Yeah you’ve mentioned you hate your job every time I’ve seen you so thats sort of my only impression of you :/ ”

(a possibly important side note: B and T are both doing things that they enjoy but have to hustle a bit to make ends meet whereas I have a full time retail job through which i have insurance so leaving isnt as easy for me since I have more tied up in my job than just a paycheck)

This really pissed me off, as not only is being interrupted a huge pet peeve, but there are aspects of my job I enjoy. I just never got to talk about them because the conversation would either divert or we would just stop talking altogether. Also the way they came across felt pretty judgmental.

T then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening talking about everything from the movie to the snacks with therapy speak and trauma processing. (ex: I think I’m locked into this movie because it might’ve been a safe haven for me during my childhood and I just dont remember watching it but I can feel its importance to me) And only ever to B, never engaging with anyone else.

(another note: they are not the only one at the party with anxiety. two of my other friends have severe social anxiety and while maybe a little awkward were still able to hold casual conversations. no one was a stranger to anyone at the party)

This also meant that I didn’t get to spend any time with B during the party either, which was a shame cause I see them so rarely.

I understand that trauma processing is important and its great if you have someone in your life that can help you. It does not need to happen every where all the time. And I’m worried that B might be getting taken advantage of like they have in the past (in the sense that they have to do all the emotional legwork in the relationship and get very little of that effort back).

I’m tired of catering to this attitude and I don’t enjoy being around them, so I no longer want to involve them in group events I host.

would that make me an asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[despite-everything]

play rich is so fun.

i work serving really rich people, but just got off work and played a fun little game. i work near this fancy eyewear boutique that i knew had frames from my all-time favorite brand (that's too expensive for me to justify buying from), but had never gone in until now. my work schedule changed and i just got off - it's snowing outside so i decided to pop in the (tiny) shop at which point i spotted my dream sunglasses.

i asked about them, and the two shop workers were absolutely fabulous. they really knew what they were talking about and we had a great conversation about japanese eyewear, the company, the details, leather, luxury upcharges, damascus steel... just an interesting conversation sparked by the sunglasses. they offered to order any pair i like in any color i like from that brand (small, employing a small number of well-compensated craftsmen, i dig their ethos as a company) with no obligation of purchase for free.

i am most interested in a color way they didn't have in the shop, but i asked for a quote with prescription lenses. they said their optician would be able to answer once she had my prescription, but she was not in today and i didn't have a copy of my prescription handy. so they gave me her card and told me to send an email. and then they showed me some more cool frames from the brand, we kept talking, and i had such a nice time.

i told them i'd reach out and would let them know if i'd like them to order a pair to try in the palladium i like, but that the frames are currently backordered, so they'd need to talk to the company to get an estimate on when they would be available. i thanked them and left, and now i'm just so happy. when i say expensive i mean that i think the base price is like $700 before a prescription. maybe $1000. but i love them and tbh if i ever do decide to be a bit financially irresponsible, i'd get them from that shop for sure.

i have some friends who encouraged me to get those lenses before, and while they're both much older than me and really successful and i value their perspectives (major role models and tbh goals for me. so grateful for them), they have Money. i don't lol. but they also came to town and we actually met up last night so it kinda feels like a sign...

and i want to say that i'll get the sunglasses if i get this job i'm deciding to apply for... i'm underqualified, but they posted the job a month ago, then relisted it like 2 weeks ago. and i do have education and experience, but less than they're looking for. plus i don't have as many community connections here because i literally moved a month ago, but i'm very dedicated to forming them (with or without the dream job). but my friends from last night think it's worth a shot?? but they also don't know my full situation so like... idk. but many people have now suggested i apply anyway, so i think i will? anyway. i'm afraid i've now jinxed it. debating deleting this whole bit, but i've now articulated the thought, so is it too late now? i think i can get with the concept of something like that being possible. i've been reading a lot on relational quantum physics lately. and i'm high on the train. regardless, if i got that job, i would get a massive pay bump. my income would literally triple. and it's the role i want in the career i want in the location i want. so of course i don't want to get my hopes up. but if i get that job... maybe i'll get the sunglasses as a reward.

regardless, those glasses are well outside my economic class. almost everything im wearing is second hand, i feel like i look a bit of a mess because id gotten 2 hours of sleep before a really long day at work, and my umbrella and bag are clearly old and beat up. and the neighborhood is one of the most expensive in nyc... i just work there. so i was honestly worried about the staff being dismissive or rude (this has happened to me before. i work in service and know how annoying customers can be, but i also have dealt with judgement in rich spaces before) but they were so kind and knowledgeable. it obviously helped that i know about leather and steel craftsmanship, so we had common interests, but i still felt like they were genuinely interested in speaking with me and not just doing it out of obligation to their jobs.

idk i just felt like in order to make that work i had to fake the confidence of someone who "belonged there" and act like money wasnt an object. and maybe i didn't, but it still felt necessary. but its fun when it works (despite my physical appearance) and opens up another world.

or maybe they were just nice.

[askthe-r-m-au]

Ok this is currently being written the morning after chapter 4 because I'm in a good mood

Now let's bet on how long I'm gonna take to actually publish this!! (20 bucks says I will forget about this for another month)

[Ring-Misstress Chapter 5 : Firsts]

Everyone stood around the stage with the new players. The ringmaster still sat their dumbfounded.

☆This audience is a bit... taller and... more edgy than I'm used to.☆

Zari: ... The #@/! Is that supposed to mean-

The ringmaster and his tiny assistant simultaneously gasped

☆Now now, I've come to expect mild language from my permanent performers, but from our guests!? How disrespectful!☆

Osa: Sorry, your... what-?

♧E-excuse us for a second, folks!♧

The Ring-Misstress stepped in and pulled Caine aside, out of ear range. They still exchanged words through whispers, just to be safe.

♧This isn't going anywhere, What are we supposed to do??♧

☆I don't know!?!?☆

♧What do you mean you don't know!??!♧

☆I- I haven't run an adventure for an audience other than you guys for years! Besides, I spent half the time making the circus look pristine...☆

Caine trailed off with his words. Pomni put a palm to her face. She took a breath, contemplating a solution.

♧You say this... "Audience" is ...different than usual?♧

☆Yes, they appear younger than us, but mature at the same time...☆

It didn't take long for things to click.

♧Mm. ... wait a minute... You said they're more... mature?♧

☆Yeah... At least I think so? I'm not sure if we can work with this... last time I tried to make an adventure more mature for someone it went...☆

Pomni recalled the adventure he mentioned. The thought of it still made her shudder. But Caine was referring to something else... She remembered not too long after that adventure she had a conversation with Zooble about what they did while- hold on...

♧A-hah! I think I have something!♧

The pair returned to the audience, now with a plan actually in mind.

♧Sorry for the wait, everyone. Your adventure today is...♧

The Ring-Misstress snapped several times until letters finally appeared overhead.

♧The... SkatePark!! Objective? None today, just- skate? And... if not- hang out, I guess? Uhm... right!!♧

With another snap, the circus crew (Plus Voz) AND the new players were given helmets and knee and elbow pads. Pomni made her way to the main cast.

♧Now, YOU guys have the most Important job! What IS said job? Supervising our new friends, of course!! You could participate in the adventure if you wish, or you can just sit and watch at the sidelines. No pressure! As long as we have each and everyone of you-♧

She paused as she realized someone was missing. Zooble was already making their way to their room. Pomni quickly met their side.

♧Zooble! I- I understand if you don't wanna go, but please, can ya hear me out?♧

Zooble stayed quiet for a moment.

◇Look, Pomni, I appreciate you trying, but I just... It's not your fault.◇

Pomni met them at eye level.

♧You don't have to say yes at all, but... just know we'd like to have you out there. Mostly to talk some sense into Jax, Heh. Besides, I think these kids might like you.♧

Zooble said nothing.

♧All I ask is this one time..?♧

◇... Between you and me, this is only so I can bash Jax's head in with a skateboard.◇

Zooble walked over to the rest of the crew, and Pomni followed suit. She rejoined at her position with Caine.

♧Wonderful!! Now that everyone is ready, your all free to go! The Portal should reopen In a couple hours! Have fun!!♧

The portal opened, and everyone stepped in, leaving Caine and Pomni. She beamed with an odd sense of pride, despite how childish she felt.

♧Our first official adventure!! How exciting! Right Cai-♧

Pomni looked down to see she had been clenching his hand all this time. The Ring-Misstress flushed red as she was brought back to reality.

♧Oh god, I- I'm really sorry. How long had I done that for??♧

She quickly pulled away. The ringmaster was silent for a moment.

☆...From when you introduced the adventure and when you sent then off☆

♧...Again, I'm sorry I was just so busy explaining the- ...why didn't you say anything?♧

Caine froze once again, even longer that before.

☆Well, I-! ...Diiidn't want to interrupt you! The exposition you gave was quite a mouthful (no pun intended), surely you would have lost track of your thought!☆

As if I already hadn't... She tried to keep the conversation going and forget about that.

♧Oh, right... the whole speech thing... too much??♧

☆Not at all! It was well thought out. And you put it together on a whim, which is pretty impressive!☆

The Ring-Misstress forced a smile.

♧Well I uh, I learned from the best, ahaha!...♧

She continued trying to change the subject.

♧So... What do you normally do while we're out on adventures??♧

☆...Nothing much, really. Usually prep the next adventure. That or I'd have to be with-☆

The Ringmaster paused completely.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The SkatePark was outdoors. It's ramps and bumps were made from realistic-looking concrete, but some of the greenery in the distance still looked cartoony. The Circus Crew sat at a few Nearby picnic benches.

This was Voz's first time outside of the tent. He made his way to a small patch of grass within the map, shaded by one of the trees. He sat there, picking at it until Ragatha and Kinger Hunched over to him.

□Hey there, little buddy! Whatcha doing?□

[Playin' in the grass.]

+Don't you wanna go play with the others?+

Cut to the players shouting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" Watching Zooble and Jax hitting each other with their skateboards.

[They seem busy.]

□I... see. Well, are you liking the adventure?□

[... I like the grass]

Kinger joined him on the grass.

+Yaknow, I'm starting to like it too! They really put their attention to detail in this, huh kid?+

[We spent most of the work on the concrete.]

□Oh, you helped them make this?□

Voz tilted his head, curiously.

[No, why?]

□...er, nevermind.□

Just then, a tiny red and black spotted creature flew by and landed on a blade of grass in front of them.

+Oh, look! A ladybug! All the spots on its back kind of look like eyes!+

What Voz hadn't told them yet was that the players weren't very nice. They ridiculed him for his strange eyes. Being the youngest and an AI made him feel small. But looking at that ladybug and being in the grass made him feel less small. It had strange eyes, too.

[He looks like me.]

Kinger flinched at Voz's sudden words.

+GAH! Oh, hello Voz!+

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Ringmaster and his co-host viewed the cast from one of his all-seeing eyes.

☆Well, my dear, it looks like everyone's having a good time!☆

♧Really? ...huh.♧

☆You know how DID you get Zooble to join the adventure?? This "SkatePark" thing must be very mature!☆

♧No, Caine, it's not that. This is what I meant by mundane. There's no stakes, no objective, they can just relax.♧

☆Well, my red and blue friend, This "Mundane" formula for adventures was a great idea! I knew I picked the right partner!!☆

♧Uhh... thanks.♧

Pomni thought about the day she became Caine's assistant. It was a big step in her relationship towards him- ...her escape plan. Yeah.

But that didn't come without sacrifice.

♧Uh, Caine? I- I'm sorry about... Bubble.♧

Did he even feel empathy for that thing? Can he even feel empathy in general?

☆Oh, that's all in the past, dear! Why feel the need to apologize..?☆

♧I... I don't know. It's just... eversince we had to... yaknow... you've been acting kinda... different?♧

The ringmaster stammered through his words.

☆M-me?? Different?? Now, why would I be different, especially after Bubble's disappearance?? It'sdefinitelynotlikeIthadaneffectonmeoranythingAHAHAHA-☆

Caine's WackyWatchTM alarm went off

☆Oh, would you look at the time! The adventure is over! Time to retrieve our crew!!☆

He quickly snapped and teleported them back to the stage, just as the Portal reopened.

♧Uh, Welcome back!! Seems like everyone enjoyed the adventure?♧

Plauge: Never thought I'd say this, but yeah, actually.

Aki: You're just saying that because their was violence and bloodshed...

Plauge: And?

♧...Well, thank you for your feedback!♧

Pomni brought her attention to the circus crew once again.

♧And thank YOU all for helping! All of you. You guys are free to go!♧

She flashed a thumbs up at Zooble as they walked away.

♧Well, thanks again for being here. Come again! I guess we'll, uhh... seeya!♧

The players walked out the tents front curtains, which led to the grounds. She quietly followed and peered behind it. She was there for a while until Caine eventually found her.

☆Oh, there you are! What're you-☆

A few feet in front of the tent was a big red door.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

WELL WHADDA YA KNOW? ITS BEEN- uh... almost 2 months... yay...

Yeah I don't know what's with Me and writing fics at night when I can't sleep.

I feel pretty proud of this chapter.

But honestly I'm not entirely sure how the next one is gonna go but I feel that way for all my works-

I know I said I had a comic planned, but I have been helping the family with Thanksgiving stuff (we celebrated a day late yippee) buuut now I might have more time!

Anywayyy uh feel free to leave asks if ya want and uhm byeee

I'm so tired-

[iwonderwh0]

Someone on reddit asked, "What do you hate about The Hostage chapter?" and i was like, "oh, it's my time to shine."

My reply, copied from reddit:

Tbh, Captain Allen's flippant response to Connor. But not for the reasons other people have commented. Yes, he was needlessly antagonistic. Yes, he should have kept his calm, and not escalated the situation.

But i understand that he was under a lot of stress, two of his men had been shot, an officer from the local PD was dead, Emma was currently being dangled off a very tall building, and Allen was being made to wait an hour for a fresh-off-the-line android to show up so CL could test out their new toy, when at any time, the deviant could jump. There was no guarantee in his eyes that it'd even work, for all he knew, Connor could still have some bugs to patch, and if he failed, a little girl would die. I'd be unbelievable angry in that situation, too.

No, what i don't understand is why Captain Allen knows absolutely NOTHING about the deviant. Connor asks him two questions, and he can't answer the first, and refuses to answer the second. Now, he could just be angry because of all the aforementioned reasons, plus Connor seems to be asking nonsensical questions from his standpoint (Who cares what the deviant's name is? We don't have time for that), but his response to the first question (and it's the same for all 4 questions Connor can ask) gives me the impression he knows absolutely nothing. Which is ridiculous, because that means he's been essentially sitting with his thumbs up his ass for an hour while Emma was in constant danger.

SWAT teams very rarely go into a mission blind, they are briefed on the situation before being deployed, or updated on the go. They know the importance of learning every bit of information about the situation as possible. For them, it can mean the difference between life or death. Especially for a hostage; standard procedure is to learn every single tiny detail you can about the kidnapper's life and motives. This is a big part of hostage negotiation, Allen should be familiar with this considering his job title. This is what he should have been doing, before he got the call that Connor was coming.

In addition, i don't know if Allen ever became a detective before he entered SWAT, but i know that every SWAT personnel must spend at least 2 years as a beat cop, same as everyone else. SWAT usually spend many years as regular officer, some gaining a higher rank, before tranferring. And even a lowly officer knows to 1) assess the situation, 2) learn the how (figure out what happened), 3) learn the why (figure out why this happened).

So.......you question the witnesses.

Emma's mother was there, being escorted out of the premises as Connor arrived. She would be a key witness, as she was presumably in close contact with Daniel often, making sure Emma did her homework, drafting grocery lists, delegating tasks, etc. And buying a new android to replace your old one is not a secret you would keep in a marriage. They're pretty pricey, and that would generally be a joint financial decision. She had to have known her husband bought the AP700.

Allen could have been questioning her....but i have my doubts. He doesn't know Daniel's motive. He doesn't know if this is out of character for him. Hell, he doesn't even know Daniel's name. So what the hell was he doing for that entire hour before Connor showed up?

Why the hell doesn't he know anything about the android he's trying to rescue a 10 year old hostage from??

This has bugged me for years lmao. I was curious of your opinion on it

I don't think Allen and his team was there planning to negotiate at all, and I might be wrong but from what I gathered from a quick research, SWAT doesn't typically do negotiation on their own, they have optional Crisis Negotiation Team attached to them (?) which although works closely with SWAT isn't exactly a part of it. Moreover, from their POV it's a case of a broken machine, not an actual hostage-taker with human motives that are even worth looking into as such — android took a hostage not because it had a reason to but just because it was faulty, end of story. You don't negotiate with a crazy robot, because it's not a person with motives. Even Connor is there wording it as "errors in his software".

So, I think Allen doesn't know those things because he doesn't exactly find them relevant on the first place, his job is to come up with an armed strategy aka the position of snipers, the helicopter, etc, like all those people around the area are organised by Allen, that's what he's been doing. Their team just wants to shoot the android in the right enough way without any negotiation, that's what I think is happening.

As you said, they escorted Caroline in the beginning of the chapter, which means they probably assessed the situatsioon of what and how happened from her words. So it is possible she didn't know the motive herself, so even from her POV Daniel just got bonkers out of the blue. And once again, in their eyes it's not exactly a hostage-taking as it is a case of a broken machine, something not reasonable to talk to. They might have as well be called in a scene with an armed monkey, a wild animal pet that got aggressive. Who gives a shit if there was a reason, it's a wild animal, it's not exactly an acceptable course of action to talk to it and reason. That's why Allen is do annoyed, I think, he sees it as ridiculous to even try to talk to something that doesn't actually understand you. A waste of time.

And regarding what Caroline even knew about tue situation... Buying a new android could really well have been a decision made on a whim because Really, have you seen how rich those people are? Ten grand for them can be an impulsive purchase, even people who Don't have the money sometimes make crazy expensive purchases they can't afford just because they suddenly decide to make a bad financial decision, and then they buy a used sports car just because they saw it on sale and it was slightly lower price and higher quality than usual or something. Things like this happen.

I honestly wonder if Caroline herself even knew about this decision at all, and I think, it's entirely possible she did not. It might have been a surprise from John's side. It might have been even that John's plan wasn't actually to replace an android but just to buy another one, for whatever purposes, without talking to Caroline prior. And if you look at the timing, Daniel shoots him pretty much immediately after he hit the purchase button. Even if Caroline did know about the plan to buy a new model (if there was indeed a plan), do you think she'd have a chance to connect the two things in such a short notice, possibly not having an opportunity to know that John proceeded with the purchase at THAT evening?

So yeah, I don't think the things you listed are really a fault of a chapter tbh. I love it the way it is, I think it makes sense. The only thing I find regrettable about this chapter is that it's barely ever mentioned later on in the game.

[immortal-imagines]

Sabotage - Part 2

Summary: The start of a new uni year brings new classmates, new lessons and a new professor.

Parts: 1, 2, 3 (to be continued)

(professor!Joel x Reader)

Warnings: mentions of smut, alcohol, swearing

Word Count: 941

A/N: A slightly shorter chapter, but I promise, good things are coming!

If you were going to truly fuck with this asshole, you needed to take it seriously. He’d made your first lecture hell. You were going to do one better. It was two weeks into term and you were biding your time. The weekend rolled around and it was time to set step one of your plan into motion.  

Kelsey was having the time of her life with the boy next door. When she finally came home and joined you on the sofa, after a night presumably at his, she looked exhausted. Her hair was tangled, make up smudged, stinking of a cocktail of beer, vodka and sex.

She flopped down next to you, pulling your blanket over her lap. You wrinkled your nose.

“Have you showered?”

“No, why do I smell?” She held her arm up and took a quick sniff, answering her own question. “Gross.”

“You know you haven’t been to a single lecture?”

Kelsey shrugged. “I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again. Plus, you can catch me up, right?” She winked.

“Sure. There’s an assignment due next week.”

Kelsey pulled herself up. “Shit, on what?”

“The Great Gatsby. Professor wants an essay explaining the plot because he’s never read it.”

“You’re joking?”

“Nope.”

You sat in silence for a second, before you broke it with, “Want to go shopping?”

Kelsey groaned. “Normally it’d be a yes, but right now a tiny army are battling in my head and I’m running on beer and 2 hours of sleep.”

-

You’d saved up a bit of money over the summer, doing odd jobs here and there, so had some cash to spare. And some new clothes were step one of your plan.

The first shop you went to was teeming with summer dresses. You picked out a couple of red options, to replace the coffee-stained one, plus some blue and a little purple slip that you were sure was probably pyjamas or lingerie. It brushed your thigh, just short enough to fuck with an asshole, but still be kind of appropriate for uni.

You decided that was your choice for Monday morning. Start the week off right.

Professor Miller was already setting up when you walked in. No one else had arrived yet, which was intentional on your part. You wanted to be noticed. You wanted to tease.

“Morning, professor,” you said, as you passed him.

He grunted, not looking up from his papers.

You didn’t take your usual spot at the back corner. You sat in the middle, in plain sight. You took your essay from your bag and walked to his desk. The paper made a satisfying swoosh as you slid it under his nose. He looked at your then. That same dark look from day one in his eyes. His lips parted and you caught his eyes look you up and down. It was so quick that if you’d blinked you’d have missed it. When you leant over his desk, you revealed just the right amount of cleavage. He pressed his mouth into a line.

“My essay,” you said. As you walked back to your desk, you felt his eyes follow you.

Other students filed in, adding their essays to yours. Professor Miller didn’t look at you again.

He didn’t look at your for the rest of the lecture. It must’ve been hard, seeing as you were right in front of him. His eyes flickered onto you once, but just as soon as he’d looked, he turned back to the board behind him. You decided that this wasn’t good enough. While everyone was focused on a written task, you raised your hand.

Professor Miller’s eyes blackened as he acknowledged your hand. “What?”

“Sorry professor, can I use the bathroom?”

He grunted, which you took as a yes.

You stood, making sure you held his eye as you walked past him to the door. He looked pissed. Good.

In the bathroom, a wicked thought crossed your mind. You used the courage and anger that had built up since that first lecture and took off your black lace thong. You tucked it down into your bra so it was hidden. When you went to hand in your written task, you slipped the thong between the papers and put it in a plastic wallet. Sure, it was risky, but if it worked, the payoff would be perfect. Thank god for plastic wallets. You added it to the pile with everyone else’s and were dismissed for lunch.

A small doubt began to play in your mind as you sat down to eat your lunch. What if you’d got the wrong idea? What if you got kicked off the course? He was an asshole. He could report you, then what? Why did you have to be so stubborn and confrontational?

These thoughts only worsened when you stepped back into class to see Professor Miller, a look of pure rage, hands balled into fists, knuckles white, sat behind his desk. He glared at you when you walked in and continued to until you sat down. If he didn’t stop, other people would start to notice.

Thankfully, he didn’t acknowledge you for the rest of the afternoon. But that feeling of doubt stayed in your mind. You felt like you were going to throw up, but you couldn’t ask to leave. You didn’t want to draw any more attention to yourself. He’d looked pissed. What if he’d reported you already?

Class ended and all you wanted to do was run home. But Professor Miller had other ideas. As you headed for the door, you felt a large hand on your shoulder.

“My office, now.”

[ghostofasecretary]

i feel like i fundamentally do not have enough energy to live my own life

yesterday i was recovering from Exhausting Funeral Trip. so it makes sense that i was slow.

and i did:

- fill out last week's timecard

- make my bed

- get groceries

- do my laundry

- make dinner + plan tomorrow's lunch

- watched TV like a maniac (had fun) (knitted)

realized i still had to fill my med case back up. ugh

- did that, got to sleep late thereby

so. today. throat's sore and nose is stuffy, gross! only charged phone partially somehow! there's a persistent beeping in my house for god knows why! (none of the options i can think of sound good!) i'm TIRED and i JUST WOKE UP and i want to SCREAM and then CRY, MAYBE.

okay. okay okay okay

1. you don't have your focus meds and that makes everything harder. fix that, please. call the number you just put in your journal in the parking lot after work, c. 1:30.

2. class this term is a real and awful stressor. you are not going to be as prepared as you want to be. still, this might be adequate: work on your homework for an hour each evening. 7pm-8pm, or you can knock it out early. just set an alarm.

3. you have to do Scary New Thing at Job this week. plan that tonight.

4. go print thing at library after work. then make the rest of your apple cidey with spices and drink it.

5. i could really use the fucking money from my paid social. i really could. i would *rather* see my actual IRL friends but actual friends don't give you $20 for hanging out with them. because that would be weird. and i lost $20 going home and it would be nice to make it up. (stupid! argh!!) (I NEED A NEW/SECOND JOB BUT WE A R E N O T T H I N K I N G A B O U T I T N O W.) plus maybe you could see your friends and do work? so. RSVP today or tomorrow once you confirm.

6. i am really and truly Not Gonna Worry about poetry. i want to but this is the thing that will last the longest without maintenance. sorry for your loss.

7. do not even start to book club or party plan till Friday evening.

so! okay! that's your week!

today we got:

- restart laptop. fuck it, update AND restart

- eat breakfast

- work outfit (ugh my gross hair, need to shower tonight *also*)

- pack lunch

- plan: what lesson materials do i need, what am i doing today, goal for each group, little list of times + names, etc

- pack bags

- walk to car

- drive to work

- head in early

- gather materials

- head down around [set time]

- teach g1, g2 (survey), g3

- lunch

- teach g4

- finish up admin paperwork, go upstairs, put materials away afaic (all! nice!)

- clock out

- call number about meds; hopefully they will have some or be able to direct you to someone who will. oh they were closed. EPIC. CALL BACK LATER. what do you mean you want me to leave a voicemail message. fine. what the fuck

- drive home

- go to library; print item; walk back home. actually the item cannot be printed! sent an email fml 1989

- call another pharmacy?? should hear back by cidey time. call a third pharmacy. message psych. i hate this stupid baka life (getting adhd meds in the US)

- um. wow. am sick. covid test? yay, it's negative

- shower

- apple cidey (expect this is to be about 3:30?)

- wash today's tupperware

- cooking break: [make some lentils? (soak, cook ~1 hour, cook with reverse tadka. do not make too much, maybe 300g dry?) - make potato sabzi? (start after lentils are in) - make a tiny bit of rice? (start after lentils are in) [- maybe one episode of show but you should begin food at 4:15 at latest so you're done cooking around 5:30 and done with food c. 5:45 and done with dishes c. 6:15 so you can start planning before your Homework Time begins. you can start cooking at 4, that'd be fine. even 3:30 for lentil soaking time.]]

yeah, no, if all that cooking sounds like Too Much instead of like rest then make some mushroom pasta with spinach and arugula. or you can eat your defrosted potato soup. damn. options

- eat dinner

- maybe poke your friends about plans during Food Eating Time (/notify them of. covid test results. UGH)

- plan [new job thing] for g1, g2, g4, g2 On Last Day Only. figure out what materials you need and who you're going to work with and prep those as much as you can. put materials to print on flash drive

- 7-8pm ONE HOUR OF HOMEWORK. it doesn't have to be good you just have to sit at the desk for an hour with no distractions and try. i believe in you

- 8-9pm watch your tv show

- 9:30 shut laptop and head bedwards. this is a lot; you will be tired.

okay! that's a fuckload! but do it step by step and it will. get. done.

[achronicwriter]

My Coding Journey

as a chronically ill nana 👩‍🦳 🛌 💻 💊

I've been thinking about learning to code for a while now. It's a skill that I could use in many ways to benefit my family and others. The problem is my chronic illness symptoms get in the way of everything. Trying to code while face down on the keyboard probably wouldn't work. On the other hand, if I wait until I "feel better" I won't achieve anything.

So, I've decided to record my journey of learning to code while maintaining my baseline. Hopefully it'll keep me on track and help someone else in my situation.

Day 1: 🥄🥄

I only looked after the grandcritter for an hour, with the husband's help, so I had a tiny bit of energy to Do Things with. I hoarded it at first, doing what I call Productive Rest, listening to YouTube videos while crocheting a new snack mat for my desk.

One of the videos I watched lit a fire under my 🍑 -- How I Learned to Code in Six Months and Got a Job Offer by Smoljames. He laid it all out very clearly and concisely, with the steps he took, where he oopsed, and what he did right. He fast tracked his coding education, but the video got me thinking that maybe I can slow it down while still making progress. I listened to it a couple of times, then dragged myself upright and took action.

Step one, sign up for GitHub. And right away I ran into a problem. I didn't receive the verification email. I had it re-sent, and still nothing. I squinted at the form and yep, in my brain fog I misspelled my email address. Irkitating, but fixable. But fixing it took my spoons and chucked them down the garbage disposal unit.

Long rest, during which I hung out with my husband, finished the snack mat, took care of the grandcritter again, and gathered my spoons. Then I set a timer for twenty minutes to prevent sitting long enough to flare my arthritis, and moved on to...

Step two, I signed up for FreeCodeCamp.org. I meant to just poke around, but before I knew it the timer went off and I was 15% through the first lesson. The dopamine! I didn't want to stop! But part of the point is doing this while staying within my current baseline.

Day 2: 🥄🥄🥄

I didn't sit down to code until late, and spent the entire twenty minutes stuck on one problem because of a 🤬 typo in the example they gave me. (Maybe learning to code during Mercury Retrograde wasn't my brightest idea.)

Day 3: 🥄

And now there's no example, or instructions even. Thankfully I found the answer on the forum and got it on my second actual attempt.

Either the instructions are vague/nonexistent or my brainfog is bad. I couldn't figure out the next one, either. We're told to do the thing but now how to do the thing. But there was an article on the site.

That's how it is now? Bugger. Maybe it's building on the previous lessons in ways I haven't been able to see? Part of the problem is it's all typing, and I learn best with a pen in my hand. I need to figure out how to proceed.

On the plus side I'm getting a streak going, of spending twenty-ish minutes a night studying coding.

[turretangel]

Actually I won't shut up about it, people should play The Zodiac Trial.

If you like visual novels, if you like death game/killing game scenarios, if you like a good mystery and some fun puzzles on the side, it's worth giving this game a shot!

It's $14.99 on Steam, which is a great deal, I finished it in ~19 hours and it had me enthralled the whole time. There are lots of endings to get, all of the main routes have unique outcomes so it isn't like you're only seeing tiny variations of the same thing.

There is a free demo as well, if you want to try it out!

More ramblings below, I'll keep it spoiler-free as possible.

It reminds me most of the Zero Escape series, 999 especially, with killing devices and code names and a bunch of seemingly-unrelated people made to play a killing game. It's very much its own thing, though, and if you like psychologically puzzling out characters, you'll love this. Each one has a well-fleshed-out personality and story, and the game evolves depending on the route, pushing different characters into circumstances where they have to decide whether to prioritize themselves over others.

For our cast (minor spoilers from the intro and vibes) we've got:

Token Girl Protagonist with a surprising amount of character who figures stuff out, sometimes, and other times dies horribly when you make the wrong choice (but it does nudge you gently about how you could've done something that led to a better path if you mess up and they aren't super long runs! )

Our government-assigned BFF who's smarter than us a good chunk of the time because it's his job. He deserves a hug, 10/10, very smart, does escape rooms in his free time and is also probably handsome. I, I think. I'm a lesbian who usually gets this wrong but I'm pretty sure he's hot?

My wife. Your wife. Everyone's wife. I'd die for her, I'd live for her, sunshine women who are strong enough to kick me into the sun are always a win

"There's no way that freaking TWINK is a COP" but in a "the reason there are no good cops is because the good ones don't last", but also "bro what the FUCK"

Girl boss extraordinaire who acts first and thinks never but sometimes you need that in a person

This Man Is Autistic (intrigued)

Large Tough Man with a mysterious past, our token strong-silent type

Cute girlie who... look, her animal says it all, idk what else I can say, but if she had to kill me she'd apologize the whole time and I'd forgive her

My therapist?????

Cocky (ha) himbo, who is both smart and outrageously stupid at times, we love to see it

My intuition says that this man would be a hit on tumblr for all the people who like sad wet scrunglies of a man. This man is pathetic but also endearing. He's halfheartedly trying his best. Kind of. He swears he will be soon, anyway.

I was so mad about her name when I first met her, but she's surprisingly smart and resourceful! She's doing her best, can't blame her for that.

I highly recommend not looking up spoilers to the true ending! The mystery is more fun to solve on your own, but it takes a good bit of thinking.

The downsides I noticed (because I won't review a game and then just not mention em!) for me were:

There are a few typos! If you're stuck on a certain puzzle with Ox, ignore the second iteration of the clue, it was accidentally repeated. (But there are no punishments for failing a puzzle!) But they aren't bad enough to ruin the game, and considering how much text there is in the game, with only 9 or so people making it, it's quite good

The art isn't insane, because it's a lower-budget visual novel. It didn't detract from my experience, personally, because the writing was really strong, but I know for some people it's a bigger deal.

Some of the mysteries to solve can be tricky! This was a plus for me, not a minus, but if you get truly stuck there are a few guides on Steam.

There's no in-game flowchart for which path leads to which ending. This is, however, a choices-matter game, so I'd recommend saving when you reach a choice, because there's a chance it'll branch off onto other paths. There are over 50 endings, but there are 12ish main routes.

Thank you to the skip seen dialogue button, I wish other VNs would have you! After a bit you can go to the main menu and the glowing exclamation mark will let you skip the intro and let you jump to the part that branches out.

Overall, it's a very fun game with more positive points than negative ones! I highly recommend it.

Do you ever just find a game and then realize basically nobody is talking about it but you want people to know it's actually really good despite looking lower budget cuz it's indie and not every creator is Toby Fox but the story made you a little insane

[jaehyunnie77]

hi love!! are your requests open? if yes, could i request idol!jaehyun x ceo/girlboss!y/n fluff + smut? you’re my fav writer here & i’d really looove to read your take on ^that! xx

pairing: idol!Jaehyun x female!ceo

genre: angst (tiny), fluff, smut | ex's to lovers au!

warnings: handjob, fingering, couch sex, unprotected sex (reader is on birth control)

word count: 3.5k

a/n: aw you're super sweet! thank you for the request and i'm so sorry for the delay. i hope you like this. i know you wanted fluff and smut, but i couldn't help with the tiny angst. i also may have gotten carried away just a tiny bit. Happy early Valentine's Day to everyone and happy early birthday to Jaehyunnie!!

---

Running a multi-billion magazine empire has its benefits. On the plus side, you get to meet celebrities you never thought you would meet in your lifetime. You get to see the newest fashion first hand before it’s released to the public, and lastly, you’re the first woman to be the CEO of Seoul Magazine.

On the downside, everyone from every department calls you for clarifications, last minute changes or cancellations, the final go ahead to publish their articles, the never ending list of celebrities to work with, and you’re the CEO with no life.

It’s not that you don’t love what you do, because you do, but at times you wish you weren’t the demanding CEO. You simply wish to be a regular person with a regular 9 to 5 day job and go home to soak in a tub filled with bubbles or into someone’s arms. Not the one who carries their work home, stays after hours, and is miserably single with no one to go home to.

It’s another long Wednesday night for you when your assistant Jenni walks into your office. “Miss Y/LN, there is a new client on the phone that says it is an urgent matter.”

Great! Another high and mighty A-class celebrity who doesn’t understand how this process works.

“Tell them I am busy.” You say nonchalantly.

“Yes, I have told them that, but they insist that they need to be moved to the top of the list.”

“I can’t make schedules change just because someone needs an urgency. That is not how it works.” You say feeling a bit irritated that your assistant is coming to you with this.

“I understand Miss. He said that you know someone in this group. It’s a K-POP group called NCT 127 and they are having a comeback in a month. Their managers are asking to move them to top of the list as they want to do whole photoshoot and Q&A right before comeback.”

Your heart drops when Jenni mentions NCT 127. Everything in you stills and you’re pretty sure you stopped breathing for a second. Of course, you know who they are. Everybody knows who they are, except… you have a little secret.

You know one of them all too well and you can’t believe his group out of all the groups wants to work with your magazine.

You deeply sigh, rubbing your temples to ease the oncoming migraine, and look at your assistant with a nod of your head. “Fine, but this is the only time I am changing schedules around. Tell their manager the location and time to meet this Friday.” Jenni nods as she begins to type on her iPad what you’re requesting. “And if they have a problem with it, tell them they can either take it or leave it.” With that you gather your belongings and walk out of your office.

By the time you reach home 45 minutes later, you received a text from Jenni.

NCT 127 and their team will meet us at 6AM on Friday morning at Park’s Studio. Have a good night Miss Y/LN.

In all honesty, you want to hide and run and call in sick, but you know you can’t do any of that. If you don’t show up for that schedule, how would you look to your employees, let alone to the people who wish for your demise.

“Suck it up Y/N. You can do this. You’re a bad bitch.” You tell yourself as you begin to get rid of the long and tiring day with your beauty routine and changing into comfortable pajamas before finally falling asleep.

---

Friday arrives too quickly for your liking. There you are standing outside of Park’s Studio giving yourself a mental pep talk. You’re in a black pantsuit with a white shirt and a trailblazer jacket over it with coffee in hand. “You can do this.” You square your shoulders back and open the door to start this day.

As soon as you walk into the studio, you hear the loud upbeat music blasting on the speakers, the photographer giving compliments to whomever they were shooting, and you see your employees running around getting outfits and jewelry left and right. As you walk further in, you catch a glimpse of some of the boys getting their hair and makeup done. There is one thing for sure; they look good up close and personal.

You had a plan in mind and you were going to do everything in your power to execute that plan. That plan was to avoid him at all cost. If you had to duck under the table, you would do it in a heartbeat.

“Oh there she is. Miss Y/LN.” You hear Jenni calling you over to where she stands with a man who looks in his 40’s. You put on your professional smile and introduce yourself to one of NCT 127’s manager. He looks familiar and you’re pretty sure you’ve seen him a couple of times, but you’re hoping he doesn’t remember you at all.

“Thank you so much for squeezing us into your schedule. I apologize for the late notice. We really appreciate it.” He bows in gratitude.

“Oh the pleasure is all ours. We’ve heard good things about you and the group and we couldn’t have been more excited to finally work with you.” You chuckle a bit to ease your nerves. That is until you heard his voice.

“Hyung, Mark is look-“ Jaehyun stops talking as soon as he sees you. He hasn’t seen you since the night you two broke up and that was nearly three years ago.

You look at his face and only see the face you once loved – still love. He hasn’t changed much except he looks more mature and older. No matter how long time has passed, his eyes will always be the one to entrance you into thinking it’s just you two in the room.

Well, there goes your plan out the window.

“Ahem.” Jenni clears her throat to get your attention back.

Jaehyun shakes his head and looks at his manager once again, “Right, Mark is looking for you and needs to talk to you about something. He’s in the changing room right now.”

The manager bids you a goodbye and a thank you once again before looking for Mark. Jenni walks away when she is called to deal with another matter and it’s just you and Jaehyun. You don’t know what to say to him and you both look elsewhere.

“How are you?”

“It’s good to see you.”

You both say at the same time. You chuckle a bit and so does he. You figured he was just as nervous as you were. You two had always know how to make an awkward situation even more awkward, just like the time he first asked you out.

“I’ve been good.” You finally say.

“That’s good. You look beautiful. I mean you look –“ Jaehyun stumbles over his words and you couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. This man was still the same Jaehyun all those years ago.

“You look good. I’ve been good too. You know how it is.” He gives you his signature dimple smile as his ears turn red.

“Always on the go.” You chuckle as you finish his sentence.

You both stand there a couple more seconds, before he speaks up, “I know my manager said this, but thank you Y/N, really. I know it’s short notice, but it’s nice that you could squeeze my group in when we both know you could have easily said no.” There’s a hint of sadness in his voice you detect, but you shake off that feeling.

“I know, but I meant what I told your manager. We’re excited to work with you guys regardless of our history Jay.”

Saying his nickname felt so foreign yet felt so right. Jaehyun blushes at hearing the nickname easily rolling off your tongue.

“We should catch up.” You both said at the same time. Again, only you two could make the air between you awkward.

“I’m free tomorrow if you are.” You said.

“I should be. Here put your number in and I’ll let you know.” He handed you his phone and you type in your number. Before the conversation can go any longer, the photographer calls him over for his turn. You both gave each other a shy nod and a smile as you watch him walk away to do his thing.

You and Jaehyun have known each other when he was still a trainee in your teen years, but didn’t get into a relationship until a month after he debuted. It was hard at first because he was promoting NCT and trying to maintain a secret relationship with you. You on the other hand, were busy managing your relationship and getting your career on track.

After two and half years of secretly dating, you both decided to break up. It wasn’t an easy decision, but towards the end of your relationship it was becoming unbearable to stand each other and the schedules that interfered. You both agreed it wasn’t the right time and if time would allow it, you would find your way back to each other.

Three years later and here you are watching Jaehyun model behind the table of monitors. You applaud him for the duality he has. In real life, he’s nothing but a goofy and clumsy person, but put him in front of the camera, he has this sexy look as he flirts with the camera. You can see why everyone falls for him. This man was made for the entertainment business and as you stand there looking at the shots taken, you can’t believe you actually know him both as a person and as an idol.

As the day wraps up and everyone says goodbye, you feel your phone buzz in your hand. You look at your phone to see an unknown number and text: I’ll see you tomorrow beautiful.

You walk out of the studio with a big smile on your face, excited for what tomorrow brings.

---

The next day, you spend almost an hour in front of your closet looking for outfits to wear. You shouldn’t even be this excited because one, it’s not a date. Two, you’re catching up so that means casual dressing and three, you’re just really nervous to be alone with Jaehyun.

Finally deciding on a pair of jeans and a shirt, you walk out and meet Jaehyun at a café place. All the nerves go away as soon as you see his dimple smile.

“I ordered for you. I hope that’s okay.” He says unsurely.

“It’s fine. Thank you. The next one is on me.” Before you could take back what you said, Jaehyun beats you to it.

“Oh so there’s a next time?” he says.

All you do is roll your eyes and the conversation between you two flow easily.

“I’m happy you’re finally the CEO of the magazine you always wanted to work at. I know it must not have been easy.” He says as he takes a bite of the chocolate croissant.

“It wasn’t, but it’s paying off. I get to boss people around now.” You joke making him laugh.

“You’ve always been bossy what do you mean?”

Before you could answer, Jaehyun’s phone rings and his face falls. He gives you a sad look, “I have to get going.”

“Oh don’t worry. I get it. I should be heading back to the office anyways.” You both get up and walk out of the café together. His finger lingers onto your wrist as he says, “We should do this again.”

You nod in agreement and you do meet up repeatedly until you realize it’s been three months since Jaehyun came back into your life.

“Remember that one time you laughed so hard, you peed yourself.” Jaehyun laughs at the memory while you slap his shoulder.

“Hey! We promised we weren’t ever going to bring that up.” You laugh alongside him.

You two are sitting side by side on the couch in your living room after spending the entire day together. You swirl the wine glass in your hand as Jaehyun continues to reminisce about all of your top embarrassing moments.

“Or that time when you got locked out of your dorm so you thought it was a good idea to come over to mine, but instead of the front door, you tried sneaking in through the window and Taeyong caught you.” He slaps his lap as he laughs harder.

“Not my brightest moment. Why are you taking digs at me? You’re not that perfect either.”

“Oh, but I am.” He gives you a flirtatious smile.

“Oh really? Remember that time when we went to the ice cream parlor and you threw a fit because they didn’t have pistachio ice cream?”

Jaehyun laughs, “I wasn’t throwing a fit –“

“Yes you were because you started crying as soon as we left and pouted the entire way home.”

“Okay, but –“

“Oh and there was that one time when you got me roses and as you were handing them to me you tripped over your own two feet and I ended up getting a thorn stuck on my finger.”

“Okay Y/N you made your point.”

“Or that time when –“

Suddenly you feel his hand on your cheek making you turn to him. You didn’t realize your faces were inches away from each other. You can feel your heart rate pick up and you swear he could feel it just by touching your cheek. With his other hand, he places a lose strand of hair behind your ear and looks at you in a loving way. He searches your eyes silently asking if what’s he’s about to do next is okay with you. You nod your head as he leans in and finally captures your lips with his.

You close your eyes and enjoy the feeling of his lips on yours. The emotions behind the kiss and the way you move with each other. The feeling of pure bliss and excitement runs throughout your entire body as you wrap your arm around his neck to bring him closer to you. He places his hands on your thighs and moves you on top of him to straddle him.

His hands begin to wander under your shirt and you couldn’t help but grind and move your hips in circular motions. The feeling of his growing bulge at your center makes you wetter. He unclasps your bra and as much as you don’t want to move away from his addicting lips you do. His eyes filled with lust as you take off your shirt and bra. His large hands cup both of your breasts as a smirk comes across his face.

“I’ve missed my two best friends.” He says making you laugh and jiggling them in his hands.

“You’re a dork.” You manage to say.

Jaehyun massages your breasts as you resume rotating your hips to get more stimulation. He encloses his mouth around your left nipple as you let out a loud sigh. His tongue twirling around your bud as he continuous massaging the other. He continuously flicks, sucks, and lightly bites your nipple as you arch your back and move your hips faster.

While he moves to your right breast to repeat the same motions, you lift his shirt a bit to play with his happy trail and finally undoing his jeans. You lay your hand over his briefs to feel his now fully hard cock. You tease him by letting your fingertips run from the head to the base and he moans quietly from your actions.

Jaehyun lets go of your breasts to bring your face close to his to kiss you once more. This time fast and hungry as your tongues explore the familiarity of another once again.

You lower his briefs until you feel the velvety skin of his cock in your hands. He feels heavy and soft, making you clench around nothing and begin to stroke him slowly. He bucks up into your hand to make you go faster, knowing he hates it when you go slowly.

“Y/N, stop, you know I hate it when you go slow.”

You smile into his neck and take in his woody cologne that you’ve missed so much. You lick and kiss his neck and whisper into his ear, “Make me.”

“Y/N-“ Jaehyun groans loudly when you suddenly pick up your speed and squeeze him a bit harder, all the while continuing to mark his neck.

He lifts up your skirt and gives you butt cheeks a hard slap making you yelp in surprise. He pulls your thong to the side as his fingers find your slit.

“You’re soaking through your panties baby.” His deep voice vibrates through you and you clench around nothing once more. He notices and smirks as he inserts two slender fingers into you scissoring you open and pumping into you hard and fast.

“Jaehyun!” you moan in his neck.

Your hands stop their motions as you make your way to kiss his lips. You raise yourself up so he can get rid of his jeans and briefs. The sight of his swollen cock makes your mouth water and you want nothing more than to have it in your mouth, but that can wait. You lower yourself slowly onto him as the stretch stings just a bit from not being used to him. He kisses your neck to help you relax and you feel yourself finally adjusting to his size and begin to rock your hips against him.

“Stop teasing baby.” He whispers in your ear.

With that deep voice, you gather all of your strength to lift yourself and slamming back down onto him and bounce on him. It feels fucking amazing. Jaehyun feels amazing.

Jaehyun isn’t the type to let his partners take control, but it’s you and he let you use him as you fuck yourself on him.

“Fuck!” you moan loudly.

“Look at you. You look so beautiful fucking yourself on me.” You dare to look at him to see his eyebrows furrow together and his mouth in an o shape. That sight is enough for you.

“Jay.” You feel your thighs begin to ache as you lose your energy. Jaehyun senses this, pulls your body against his chest, and fucks up into you making you whimpering mess. He hits all the perfect spots that makes your vision go blurred and the sound of slapping skin against skin and the feel of his balls hitting against you makes you closer to the edge.

“I’m going to come.” You say.

“Come on my cock.” He thrusts faster into you, making it his mission for you to come first.

“I want you to come in me. Please Jay. I’m on the pill, please come inside of me.”

That’s enough for him to go crazy as his thrusts get sloppy and you both reach your highs together. Your body convulses at the feeling of you both coming at the same time.

You rest your head in the crook of his neck as you catch your breaths to even out your breathing. He pets your hair before saying the words he’s been dying to say.

“I think now is the time.”

You look at him and as much as you want to go to sleep with him still inside of you, your breath gets taken away once again. Even with the sweat and hair stuck to his face, he is still perfect.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too and I’m still in love with you.” You confess. “I never stopped loving you.”

He gives you a big smile in return, “I never stopped loving you either. You’re my home and my person.”

You smile back at him, “Does this mean what I think it means?”

He chuckles as he puts a stand of hair behind your ear, “Yes, time for pistachio ice cream and sleep.” He jokes making you laugh and slapping his shoulder.

“I love you.” you say kissing his lips.

He kisses you back, “I love you too and I’m never letting you go ever again.”

You smile when you feel the happiness flow throughout your entire body. “Neither am I, especially with you still inside of me.” You smirk.

“Okay, I lied. I have to let you go because you’re sticky and I need to get the ice cream.” He pulls you off him, only for one arm to wrap under your legs and the other to support your back as he carries you bridal style and runs into your bedroom.

“Jaehyun!”

Timing is everything and both you and Jaehyun are glad you waited for each other, because you two are each other’s best friend. There wouldn’t be any other person in the world to make you feel this loved and happy. Everything in the world is perfect just as is.

---

One year later…

BREAKING NEWS: NCT Jeong Jaehyun and Seoul Magazine CEO Y/N secretly married and welcoming first child together!

[mysticalrambling]

Ending It All Part 1 (C.E)

Part 2

Chris Evans Fan fiction (Fan fiction Masterlist)

Summary: Chris wants to end your marriage and you decide to go along with it. You have to be civil for the sake of the kids but you are hurt. This process is too much for the both of you and eventually, it all ends.

Warnings: Angst all the way. 

._._._._._.

You had seen it coming from a mile. People say that a woman’s sixth sense is her greatest power. You always took pride in it but in this case, it was a curse. Chris and you have known each other for the past seven years and from those years, you were married for five. He was the love of your life. You thought it was forever but apparently you were wrong. You were wrong about so many things.

From the past six months, Chris has been home for a couple of days at most and then he was traveling. Traveling for work, for friends and whatnot. And for the days that he was here, he didn’t look at you like you were his wife, his soulmate. He looked at you like you were a stranger. Spending time with the kids was all he ever did and then came up with measly explanations to go off to bed early. There was no space left for you in his life. You thought that it was just a rough patch but that was not the case.

“(Y/N), we need to talk.” The determined look in his icy blue eyes said it all.

Taking a deep breath, you shakily replied, “Let me just put the kids to sleep.” Your energetic kids had tired out you for the whole day because you were off from work today. Chris had just come back from shooting and he didn’t give you a kiss like he usually did. In fact, he hadn’t kissed you like he meant it for several years now.

“I will be in the kitchen. You want wine?” He was walking away before you could even reply.

“Yeah, sure.” You mumbled out and you didn’t even know that he listened.

“Mommy, we are going to spend the whole day with you and daddy tomorrow?”  Mia and Jace have started to pick up on the fact that there was something going on between their parents. You wanted to keep all of this away from your four and two year old but it seems that you might have failed. You were failing at a lot of things right now.

“Yes, we will. Now, go to sleep.” It took you about half an hour to be put them to sleep and during that time, you were a wreck. There were a thousand possibilities running through your mind.

Coming back downstairs, Chris handed you the glass of wine, your favorite as always. He knew every little detail about you. “(Y/N), I don’t know how to say this but-”

“Before you finish that sentence, I just need to tell you that I promised the kids a day out tomorrow. Don’t ruin it.”

“I- I can’t say that.” Fiddling with his almost empty glass, he couldn’t bring it in himself to look at you. He was going to ruin this promise as well just like he was going to ruin everything.

“Just, go on.” You refilled the wine glass as you knew you needed the alcoholic haze to get through this conversation.

“I can’t do this anymore. This is just not what I want in my life anymore.” Your breath hitched and your heart broke into tiny little pieces.

Exact words were what you needed to hear right now. No vague statements. “What do you mean? What can’t you do?”

“This. This relationship. I think I am done. I am truly sorry, (Y/N).”

“Is- Is there someone else?” It was as if a ball was lodged in your throat and you couldn’t bring yourself to talk coherently. Fluently.

Chris looked at you, horrified. How could you even say that? He would never in a million years even think about cheating on you. Dignity was an important trait for Chris and if he ever cheated, he wouldn’t be able to look at himself. It hurt him that you would even consider this as a reason but he couldn’t blame you.

“No! This is not the reason. Not at all.” A defensive attitude was immediately taken up by your husband.

“Then is it me? Am I not enough for you?” Hot tears rolled down your cheeks but you didn’t have the energy to wipe them out.

“It is not you, darling. I just don’t think this is what I want with my life anymore. I want to solely focus on my career.”

“You are choosing your career over your family.” As the realization started to hit you, you couldn’t control the anger that took over you. “Over your family, Chris?”

“(Y/N) I am just done. I want an out and can we please try to be civil about this?” He pleaded.

“You want me to be civil about this? Fine.” You took a calming breath and closed your eyes for a second. “Just explain it to me. Maybe we can work something out.”

“I can’t- I don’t know how to explain it. Seven months ago I just woke up and I didn’t want to do this anymore. I want to start over.” A shocking chill passed through your body and you realized that it was hurt. You were betrayed.

“So you don’t want to do anything with me or the kids as well?”

“No. I want to be a part of their lives and-”

You looked him in the eyes and spoke in a broken voice, “It’s just me that you want out of your life.”

“Darling, no-” Chris tried to reach out for your hand but you placed them on your hands. He had lost the right to touch you from the moment he said that he didn’t want you. You were just a problem for him that needed to be solved.

There were years when he needed you every step of the way. Chris met you at a party that Scarlett threw. You were her best friend so you were invited to her New Year’s party. The moment he saw you, he was head over heels. He followed you around for two months to get you to go on a date with him. You used to tease him afterwards that he was a love sick puppy. But he was your love sick puppy.

That was not the case now and you didn’t know what you will do if he wasn’t in your life anymore. Your world revolved around your family but now it was all falling apart. You were falling apart.

“We can file for divorce tomorrow. Do you want to stay here tonight?” Wiping your tears, you got up from the stool and put the glasses in the sink.

“Uhh okay, okay. I can stay with Scott tonight.”

This was not what he expected. He expected you to cry, fight, scream. He thought there would be more discussion on this topic. Seven years were going to waste and you were treating this as a simple business transaction. Truth be told, you didn’t want him to see you fall apart. Chris had lost that right. If he didn’t want a life with you, then you were not going to beg him to stay. You were going to fulfill his wish and set him free.

“We have to take the kids out tomorrow. I was thinking the park.”

“What?” He was too distracted by everything to even realize what you were talking about.

“We will talk to them about the divorce tomorrow.”

“Isn’t this going a little too fast?”

“We should get this all over with as soon as possible. Goodbye, Chris.” Silently pecking him on his cheek, you went to your shared bedroom.

The moment your head touched the pillow, you were surrounded by his scent. The dam burst and you couldn’t stop the tears from running down your face and getting soaked up by the cushions. What were you going to do with your life now? You had to come up with a plan to manage the kids together with Chris. You had to think about getting a job that would accommodate your kids in to it now that you were going to be a single parent. You didn’t get a wink of sleep last night and you cried a lot.

On the other hand, Chris was not doing any better. Scott gave him the spare guest room to sleep in. He didn’t know what was going on between his brother and you but he knew it was serious. Chris couldn’t sleep last night either because he was not used to. This was the first time in seven years that you both were in the same city and you were not sleeping together. You wouldn’t be sleeping with him from now on. He has to get used to that idea. The idea of you not being there every step of the way because this was his own doing. He was dreading tomorrow as he was the one who was destroying his family.

“Hi. I was just here to pick you all up.” Guilt washed over him when he noticed your red puffy eyes and eye bags.

“You didn’t have to. We could have come there by ourselves.”

“We always go to the park together. It is our thing.”

“We can’t do all of these things now. Everything is going to change.”

“Right.” You moved towards the kitchen and he followed you like a lost puppy.

“Daddy!” Both kids ran up to him and clinged to his legs like two little monkeys.

“Hey babies.” He held on to them a little bit longer because he knew he was the one who was ruining their little lives.

“Where were you? Missed your pancakes. Mama doesn’t make good.” Mia hadn’t learned to make full sentences yet but Chris understood her perfectly.

“I was busy, baby. I- I-”

“Go get your shoes on. We are going to be late.” You saved him from the conversation because he looked like a deer caught in headlight. Chris couldn’t answer his daughter as this was how it was going to be. He wouldn’t be there for all of this. The important phases. Jace’s first soccer win, his first award, or Mia’s first school day, her first break up, her prom. He was going to miss most of them because you would be there with them while he will get them for weekends mostly.

“Let’s go.” Buckling his kids in, he sat in the driver’s seat. When he pulled out of the garage, his hand instinctively went for yours. It was out of pure instinct. You retracted your hand immediately and Chris just drew in a shaky breath, He was not allowed to touch you now.

“I am taking them to the swings. Do you want to come with?”

“No, I am just going to my usual spot to read my book.” There was a maple tree that had been your spot for the past five years. It was where you rested and caught up with your reading.

“Okay.”

The next hour was spent with Chris going on to every swing with his kids. He didn’t want to miss anything. Plus, he didn’t know how he could sit with you under the tree that held so many memories. You told him that you will marry him under this tree and that you were pregnant with Jace. It was all too much. You couldn’t focus on your reading when this might be the last time you get to see him with your kids. The last time you were together as husband and wife. This might be the last time because Chris wanted you out of his life.

“Hey, kids. We have to talk to you.” You finally gathered up some courage when they all came to sit beside you. Chris couldn’t bring himself to start up this conversation so he was glad that you did.

“Yeah, Mommy?”

“So you know how your friend Oliver’s parents don’t live together but they still love him very much.”

“Yeah.” Jace’s whole concentration was on his ice cream but he still nodded his head to indicate that he was listening. Mia was too young to comprehend it all so you mainly focused on your son.

“Well, Daddy and I are going to be doing the same thing. We love you both very much and we will always there be with you.”

“But Ollie’s daddy doesn’t live with him.” His blue eyes focused on the two of you when he made the statement.

“Yeah, buddy. I will be staying at an apartment really near by. You both can come whenever you want to.”

“You won’t be there to read us night stories or make our favorite brekky?” His question threw Chris off guard and he froze in his place.

“He will be there to do everything for you guys. Mia and you can go to daddy’s place and he can do all this.” You jumped in when you noticed that Chris didn’t know how to respond to all this. “Right, Chris?”

“Yes, that’s right. Nothing is going to change, buddy.” Wiping away his tears, your husband placed him on his lap with Mia.

“Promise?” Mia spoke up this time because she understood that her daddy wouldn’t live with her like he always did.

“Promise. Let’s go back to the house. You both look tired.”

You placed Mia on her bed while Chris did the same for Jace. They both were out the moment they were buckled in their car seats. Coming downstairs, you prepared coffee for Chris and yourself. He always liked his coffee black so that’s what you made for him. The cup was placed in front of him and he sighed because no one made coffee like you.

“Our lawyer said that he will have the papers delivered to us by tomorrow.”

“Okay, I saw this new apartment building when I was coming here this morning. I might rent it out. The penthouse has three rooms. One for the kids and one is the guest bedroom. You can stay there when you bring the kids over.” He looked at you with a defensive position.

“I won’t be staying at your apartment so please don’t take me into consideration.” You didn’t understand why he thought you would ever stay over at his place. You would never subject yourself to that kind of pain.

“But there can be special circumstances and my home will always be open for you, (Y/N). We can still be friends.” He was hoping against all hope that you would agree. He still wanted you in his life.

“I don’t think I can do that. Be friends. There is too much history. Let’s just keep it to the kids right now.” You picked on your nails because you didn’t want to cry like a little girl in front of him. “And I am going to change houses as well so do you want to sell this one?”

“Why do you have to move?” Chris was shocked to hear those words come out of your mouth.

“I can’t live in a house that was meant to be our family house. I just can’t.”

He understood where you were coming from but this house held too many memories. He couldn’t think of another family living here. Some couple living in your master bedroom, some kids running around in your children’s playground, some other family’s picture instead of yours. It was just too much to think about.

“Let’s just keep the house. When the kids grow up, they can have it.”

“Okay. I am tired right now so I am going to bed. I will sign the papers tomorrow and send them over to Scott’s.” You placed the empty mug on the counter and stood in a straight posture. “You want the kids this weekend?”

“Yes, I would like that. Do you want to maybe come with us?” He didn’t know why he was not ready to let you go yet. This was all his doing but he just couldn’t accept it right now.

“Umm no. I think we should settle the kids into this new routine.”

“I guess you are right.”

“Goodbye, Chris. I love you and I will always love you.” You regretted the words that came out of your mouth the instant you said them. You were so stupid but you just couldn’t help yourself. This was probably the last time you ever got to say it.

“I- I love you too, (Y/N). I will always be there for you. Goodbye, darling.” The lump in his throat seemed to grow bigger by the second but he had to say this. Lightly pecking you on the lips, he knew this was the last time he ever got to do this. He left afterwards and you couldn’t help but tear up. The same thing happened with Chris. This was it. Your marriage was over but your love would always be there.

Hope you guys liked it!!

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A/N: I literally cried while writing this fan fiction. This one is particularly close to my heart so please let me know what you think about it. If you want to be added to my tag list, message me. I am also open to requests for this series; requests, blurbs, anything.

P.S: There is a part 2 as well.

Tag list: @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile, @iguessweallcrazyithinktho, @jessyballet , @luckyladycreator2

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