#pls reblog! id really appreciate it hehe

[rajbows]

MKUILA!!! …. and Wayne 👍

Wayne; Me!

MK; /dymanites

Julia; /datpomx

Photographer; racrphotos

[simpjaes]

hihi! <3 i love your works sm! you write the absolute best, but i honestly have a genuine question, why don’t you like silent readers? i hope it’s not a rude question to ask but i’m just genuinely curious because i understand that there comes to a limit of how people interact with posts, but i’d also like to hear your input as well :)

(you’re my fav smut writer hehe)

hi, first of all, thank you 🖤 am proud to be your favorite 🥹

secondly, in all honesty, its a little complicated. silent readers are only one of the issues on tumblr. If they’re truly silent, i won’t even know they’re reading for me to be upset in the first place, which sucks really fucking bad…

where i actually get pissed of is, well, it’s the people who spam like but don’t reblog, follow me, or leave me any feedback. additionally, it’s the people who beg and plead and demand i write more while never reblogging, or telling me why they like my work in the first place.

i write for free, and while i appreciate all feedback i get, reblogs are so important to writers here on tumblr and i urge you to peek at the ratios of my fics. likes vs reblogs, people asking for more without reblogging or liking etc.

i also have anon enabled specifically for those who don’t want to expose who they are in terms of feedback (silent readers). id like to think that after i spend days and weeks and months writing, people would at the very least either leave feedback or a reblog. yknow? but thats simply not rly the case.

i’m tired of begging for interaction basically, bc as shitty as it is, many writers only get likes and demands for more writing over anything else and it’s exhausting. i try to avoid that if at all possible because ill end up not writing at all. i am real a person. if you are consuming and enjoying my content, pllssss pls pls make it known to me in some way that isnt just an empty like or rude and entitled demand!!

this rly is why the writing community here is dying. arguably, silent readers do play a part in that as well, but they’re more neutral and don’t interact at all. half of the time they don’t even use their blogs ;-; which…if that’s the case why not give us a lil reblog then? like it’s not harmful and gives the author a lil warm and fuzzy feeling.

idk man. ppl basically just treat authors like machines, literal shit, and like we owe them more and more of our creativity so they can rub one out.

i will always stand by this: i do not owe anyone an orgasm. but if you’re going to make demands, or are simply hoping i write more without telling me, then please don’t be a silent reader, a serial liker, or a person who won’t even follow or reblog me.

[taegularities]

heey! please dont take this the wrong way but im genuinely curious why do you feel so empty on tumblr🥺 i mean your stories have more than a thousand likes and theres so many people who are clearly huge fans of your work… whatever the reason is, i really hope you stay on tumblr for a long time because you are really the sweetest:) (not pressuring you though, you do whats best for you!) 🥰

hi, my love!! i didn't take it the wrong way <3 i can explain what i mean.. so, this time it's not as much about interaction bc everyone's been very sweet and talks to me despite holiday season! i still have more msgs than i can answer (keep it all coming tho pls hehe :P), so the issue this time is more just.. how empty tumblr is. i scroll through my dash once and am already at a post that was posted/rbd an hour ago bc nobody's around (ccs and readers alike!!).

so many of my mutuals have left tumblr and so many readers have, too (i miss you all sm btw sigh) and watching tumblr die has been so disheartening. it's gotten very dry? and then, and that's a me problem, i also get so damn insecure all the time. i keep feeling like im unwanted here and get vv scared talking to people, bc there was so much negativity and hate on here for the past year that i constantly think twice before approaching someone. i just hate overthinking like, "does xy hate me? should i rather not interact" lol which sucks bc i like talking to people so much and used to be the most social butterfly.

so the loneliness just comes from the overall desert-like feeling on here combined with my own fears that tumblr's better off without me. it's stupid 😞

also! idc about notes tbh! e.g. i enjoyed dropping cmi11 more bc it got more love than idk cmi9.5 despite getting less likes. sometimes the 'getting thousands of likes' is super cool but also the problem bc of the lack of reblogs etc. (like there's a big difference between e.g. cmi9 and cmi11, even in the comment section). the only thing i wanna say about interaction, though, is: whenever i do attendance checks before posting a chapter, a lot of ppl (and new names) comment that they're excited — id absolutely love it if you reacted to the actual drop, too bc that's often met by silence by those who are super thrilled at first 🥺 and taglist readers!! where are you guysss lol lmk if you read, too!! writing is such a difficult hobby to indulge in, so writers just want to feel like people see it and that their effort is appreciated, even if thousands of words meet just a paragraph of feedback — we still love it 🥺 that's all. atm i don't have more to say about interaction bc everyone's been the sweetest.

hope that clears things up... thank you for reaching out and telling me you want me around 🥺 you're so sweet, as well 🤍

[squeebies]

matt taylor x gn reader [fluff]

i am back !! spent a … moderate amt of time on this hehe <//3 more on the way though, pls stay tuned !! and appreciate this bc I love matt mwah mwah (until dawn is kinda old, so reblogs are appreciated !! id love to see who else still loves this game <33)

“Fucking - shit,” you wheezed, attempting to flick your freezing lighter to life. You held your light source up to the flame: a rusty lantern from the floor of wherever the hell you were, and begged for it to ignite. It did, and you pulled yourself to your feet and took in your surroundings: hooks and chains and a lot of blood. If you were going to die anywhere, you figured this would be the place.

You clutched your head, all you could remember was running from this scary man and the feeling of falling - you could presume that was what got you here. A large hole stared down at you when you looked up and it almost confirmed you suspicions. Terrifying, really - that fall could’ve killed you.

But it wouldn’t explain the bite in your arm, or that huge tear in your side. You cussed - those were for later, you had to get out of this place now.

Your muddied shoes squelched against the damp ground. You held your lantern tighter as you kept walking, a monotonous dripping distantly following you everywhere you went. You ignored how your body ached, weakly trudging your way out of the freezing cave.

You continued until you reached a strange elevator shaft; far too old to work, and far too complicated to operate anyway. Beside of it was a stack of pallets, framed in a way to make it the perfect hiding spot. You regarded it loosely until you saw something reflect from your lantern’s flame. It came from under the stack of wood, a glint of silver.

You peered around the pallets and spotted a gun. A small pistol, thrown to the side carelessly. It felt weighty, almost awkward in your hand; you frowned and held it close. Deep down, you hoped you wouldn’t have to use it. Mostly because of your inexperience, but also because you didn’t know if it had any bullets in it anyway.

But then you heard them. Footsteps. They were human - surely - but you weren’t sure whose. You painfully knelt behind the pallets, extinguishing your lantern’s flame and holding your breath. If you were lucky it’d be someone who would help you out of this shithole. If you weren’t, you couldn’t promise you wouldn’t use the gun. You grazed its trigger as the footsteps stopped, then went to the elevator shaft, then -

“(Y/N) …”

“Shit!” You swore, flailing your hands and accidentally pulling the trigger. It didn’t go off; jammed, obviously. Probably because it was so old. You looked up, curling into the corner and catching your breath, “Oh my - fucking, shit, Matt!”

He flinched away, “I’m sorry - shit. Sorry, I-I just - I saw you.” Matt pulled you up and put a hand on your shoulder, “Shit, you okay? Nice to see someone else - but, fuck,” he surveyed your wounds sullenly, “you look like you’re already dead.”

You grimaced, somewhat in pain, but mostly insecurity. Matt’s words did little to comfort you and you weren’t oblivious to how shitty you must’ve looked.

He noticed. “I’m sorry - just,” he debated internally, before carefully wrapping his arms around you, “are you okay?”

You held him close, “No - I’m not sure. I don’t know,” you sobbed into the fabric of his jacket. “Have you seen anyone? What’re you - how did you get here?”

He glowered, “I’m - I don’t know. Emily, she …” he paused, “I don’t know. One second we were getting help at the radio tower - but something happened, and we fell, and I really tried to save her - I did. But I haven’t seen her since.”

There was a lot more shit going on than you thought. What psycho would - or even could - topple the radio tower? You held him tighter; you knew better than to prod him too much right now, “Matt … she’s okay - I’m sure. She’s tough.”

“Yea.” If he had more to say, he kept it to himself. Matt rested his chin on your head, “I’m just - I’m glad you’re okay. Fuck.”

He held you for a while, the burn of his lantern engulfing you two in a hazy light. Matt furrowed his brows and closed his eyes, digging his nose into your hair. He swayed with you, and even though he whispered his voice bounced off of the cavern walls, “We’re gonna get out of here. I-I don’t know how, but I swear.” You nodded a quiet ‘thank you’, and he held you the slightest bit tighter.

“Um,” you pulled away, looping Matt’s lantern into your own hand, “I don’t - we should really keep going.” You held out the cruddy pistol, “It’s jammed - but that means there’s something in it, right?”

He wasn’t sure - Matt knew next to nothing about guns. He studied the object and shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess I’ll take the chance ..?” You nodded, and he followed you closely as you two continued to look for an exit.

Matt couldn’t help but glance at your wounds again; he thought about the fire tower as well. About his encounter with that ‘thing’ that yanked him across the ground like a rag doll after trying to save Emily. It felt like everything was starting to piece together. What started as a glance turned into an engrossed stare. His turmoil swelled as his eyes lingered on the bite on your arm, and he didn’t stop himself from hooking your hand with his own, “Do you know what did this to you?”

You squeezed his hand and he pulled himself closer, “I don’t - I think it was some man. But he was so fast, and I couldn’t - I didn’t even see him.” Your head started to pound again, just like when you woke up.

You slowed to a stop. “I’m sorry, my head’s killing me. I can’t …“ you blocked your eyes from the lantern, its light almost disorienting against the dark walls. You held it away, “Please - I’m sorry, we can swap. I just -“

“No - no. You’re alright,” he grabbed the lantern with his free hand - the one once holding yours - and looped the one gripping the pistol around your waist. His voice held an unexpected persistence, gruff and low in your ear, “Let’s go.”

“Yea,” you flushed and leaned into him as you started walking. A while passed before either of you spoke again.

Matt did first, his voice as tender as his grip on you; the same question as before, “Do you - uh, do you remember anything about what happened?”

“No … no - I’m sorry. Just running. A lot.” You remembered much more really, but it felt almost indescribable. A lot of fear, a strange growling (or screaming? it was etched into your mind and yet it seemed indiscernible, so far yet so close) and the feeling of teeth through your flesh. It seemed like everything was adding up all at once and you didn’t know whether to puke or cry; there was no way it was human - let alone anything you’ve ever seen before.

Matt didn’t push it, the exhaustion on your face was evidence enough, “Yea. Something real fucked up tonight - I don’t know.”

“… Yea.”

Light blotted through holes and nooks in the mine’s walls, and you reassured yourself that - at least somewhere - there was a way out. Or maybe that was just false hope, but the idea that you were stuck down here forever was much worse than the thought that the exit was always at the next turn. The winter chill bit at you both, the drafty winds eating away at your strength as Matt guided your way. You felt at a loss, as if when you let go of him you’d be swept into this hellish nightmare alone. That thought made you sick. You held him tighter.

Matt fiddled with the lantern’s handle, his attention split from you, the path and the searing pain in his legs. And that small possibility of a tomorrow, echoing faraway in the back of his mind; he had a lot to look forward to when the sun rose. Like the ‘help’ he and Emily had called for earlier. This would all be over soon. They’d find her and she’d be okay and Matt could finally tell her what has been eating away at him and almost boiled over on the fire tower.

If he kept thinking about it he would have to write it down: ‘dump (supposedly dead) girlfriend and confess to crush - escape literal hell if possible’. He scoffed. He wasn’t certain they’d work out, but he never wanted it to end like this. If it did end like this, anyway, because it seemed like even when Matt tried to help he severed himself further away from Emily. He didn’t know what to do - because really, he did love her. But that was before, and after the exchange on the fire tower (and her rendezvous with Mike) he wasn’t sure he could stand to see her now. He wasn’t sure he would anyway - he didn’t want to think about why.

“… Matt?” Your doleful voice brought him back to his senses; he blinked and loosened his too-tight grip on your waist, “Sorry - a lot to think about.”

“Yea, I get it.” You coughed out cold, stagnant air; it reeked down here and you could feel every layer of clothing clinging to you. Either through sweat or blood, you weren’t sure. This was torture, and you could feel yourself starting to lag, “I-I can’t walk anymore.”

“C’mon, please - just a little further.”

It seemed futile. Your legs were on fire and you were suddenly very aware of the way your wounds tingled from their slight numbness. The icy air was unrelenting, piercing through your torn clothes. “No, Matt. Please.”

Matt swallowed and looked around. He knew you two weren’t anywhere close to finding a proper exit; every gate and wooden plank he broke or tried to shift to make progress only moved you two deeper into these shitty mines. It was cold and dangerous and he knew that you weren’t in any condition to start running if it were to come to that. “… Okay, yea. We’ll - we can sit. But we have to keep going then, okay?”

“Mhm.” You started toward a large crate in the unending cave, kneeling beside of it and shivering. You let out a quiet “thank you” and pat the spot beside of you expectantly, looking up at Matt.

He surveyed the area once more before sitting down and placing the lantern closest to you, “Here. I’m sorry, you must be freezing.”

You nodded, holding you palms up to the flame. Your laugh was faint-hearted, your voice even softer, “Curled up by a nice fire - just like we wanted.”

He didn’t laugh. Matt watched the way you smiled through your bloodied, split lip. The way you shook, and the way the lantern did a poor job at comforting you with its dulled flame. The way you shifted to try and hide your torn abdomen. He could feel himself bubbling over, reaching the point of no return. He shuffled closer to you, sheepish and desperate. “(Y/N).”

You furrowed your brows and tried to follow his gaze; he wasn’t looking past you, though, and you turned back to see him closer and in deep contemplation. You eyed him timidly, “What?”

He swallowed and slowly inched his hand toward yours. “I-I know this is - this is the worst time for this.” He shook his head and attempted to align his thoughts. He was never the best at this, and he couldn’t help fumbling his delivery at your doe-eyed stare.

“And neither of us really … we really don’t know what to do now, but,” his throat ran dry as he placed his hand on yours, “but, I really need you to know how I feel.”

“Matt?” You searched his eyes cluelessly, but you couldn’t understand how you hadn’t known sooner. How it didn’t piece itself together over the years. How his little glances really did mean something, and how his hand never felt warmer than right now.

He shuffled even closer, and you both leaned in. He mumbled quietly, “Do you want this ..?”

Your answer was a kiss that you should’ve given him long ago.

He didn’t know if this was what he needed, but it was what he wanted and what both of you deserved. He shuddered as you split, his shaky breath ghosting against your lips, before leaning back in for more. He cupped your cheek and trailed his other hand down to your hip, desperate to keep you close. Matt blurted out quiet, shaky ‘I love you’s’ against your neck as he gently pushed you down, pinning you against the wooden crate you once leaned on. He whispered as his hand traced lightly up your hip, “I-I have to keep you warm, right?”

You nodded breathlessly, “Yes - please.”

Your back arched against the crate and the ground, your elbows propping you up as Matt leaned over you and kissed you deeply. His hand cradled your chin and he pressed close to you with half-lidded eyes. They raked over your wounds, and though you tasted so sweet he couldn’t help but feel a tinge of bitterness. His chest swirled with pity and desire and he didn’t know what else to do except kiss you one more time.

“I love you so much - I’m so sorry.”

[offtobed-blog1]

youtube video up!

i made a painting process video. im not a big fan of how it turned out but i like the video! so enjoy hehe

{pls reblog! also i know its cringy but id really appreciate if u liked or commented and subscribed! i plan on uploading more in the future}

[callilouv]

hiii for the anonymous opinion thing

you're cool and tbh idk what convinced you to follow me ahahsuhsj i've heard about cxlrose before in my old blog but i never really followed you there or interacted with you

i think you're easy to open up to, you're kind and welcoming to people which makes it easier for people (to me at least) to come to your blog and just say random stuff in your askbox </3

i appreciate you a lot as a mutual because you're just v amazing and cool and stuff??

im not sure if you consider me a close mutual but just know you mean a lot to me, our interactions with each other have either been wholesome or questionable at best

you say rather not so wholesome things about dottore but its okay i still love u /p </3

i think its v fun talking with you and if possible i'd like to get close to u and get to know u more!!

you're easy to talk to and get along with, its comfortable and always entertaining being around you

take care and remember to stay hydrated, there are a lot of people that care about you

- anonymous opinion anon

aurgh wtf anon i rlly asnt expecting to see something like this when i reblogged that game lksrhksdr my hEART /pos

but anon ur such a sweetheatr pls ;;; i do try my best to be kind and welcoming to people, whether theyre new here or not (i say as i bully them affectionately but SHHH WHKHJD) <3 tbh, i just kinda see everyone as a friend here and i find it vv easy to make friends no matter how awkward i think i am wwwww so im happy that its easy for u to come in my inbox and drop random stuff wkegsjh :D <3

AYE, ANON IM SURE THAT UR VERY COOL AND V AMAZING TOO NO MATTER IF I CONSIDER U A CLOSE MUTUAL OR NOT❕ i mean hey, i followed u for a reason HSKHD <33

shhhshhs we dont talk abt that, my thoughts abt dottore r very wholesome and innocent </3

eyyy im really happy that u went out of ur way to write this all out bb mwahh ;; <33 id like to get to know u more too hehe u rly seem like such a nice person :D