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writemywaytoyourheart · 4 years ago

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Onsra- Chapter 37: Where Have All The Flowers Gone

banner created by: @envity ♥️

pairing: vampire!jungkook x female reader (also vamp!tae x ga-in oc & vamp!jimin x yuri oc)

genre: E2L, romance, horror, angst, drama

warnings for this chapter: fluff, some tension between peeps, blood, death, use of guns and knives, kook is struggling, pls don't kill me.

word count: 10.8k

Onsra: ML, Previous

love you ;-;

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“I’d rather do literally anything else but drink that.” Jungkook scowls at the bag of blood in your hands as you roll your eyes at him.

“I know, but you have to…come on.” You shake it at him until he snatches it out of your hands and turns away from you, ripping it open with his teeth and downing it in a matter of seconds. Your chest lightens with relief that he has eaten, and you pat him on the shoulder consolingly.

“Now that it’s over, we can go.” You smile and he grimaces at you, wiping his lips repetitively, the obsessive habit he has making your heart ache a little in your chest. Jungkook leaves to the kitchen to toss the empty bag and say a few words to Jin before coming back and grabbing his hoodie. He pulls it over his head and puts the hood up, effectively covering most of his skin.

You smile as he grabs your hand and tucks it into the front pocket of his hoodie, holding it protectively. “Ok, I’m ready.” He announces cutely. You hold up the book and grin, “Let’s go!”

You two make your way onto the front porch and down the steps, moving toward the forest. You don’t miss the slight grunt of pain Jungkook makes when the sun touches his skin as he tries to adjust his hoodie. You pretend not to notice though, knowing he’ll just get more self-conscious if he knows you saw. So, you ignore the pain in your chest and look around at the little blue birds flying around, relief entering your mind when you finally reach the cover of the trees.

“Ok, race you!” Jungkook suddenly shouts, letting go of your hand and taking off into the forest. You flinch in surprise, then you glare at the back of his head before running, “You’re a cheater and cheaters never win!” You shout angrily, trying not to laugh at how annoying he can be sometimes.

Jungkook’s laugh rings out but he doesn’t slow down, quickly disappearing out of your sight. You sigh and huff out your breath, hoping an asthma attack doesn’t creep up on you. When you make it to the clearing and Jungkook is nowhere in sight, you feel anxiety tugging at your chest.

Where did he go?

“BOO!”

“AHHHH!” You jump back from Jungkook as he leaps out from behind a tree and shouts, laughing hysterically at the look of pure terror on your face. He grabs you before you stumble to the ground, “Got you.” He giggles and you slap his arm, “I swear, you’re such a brat.” You mutter in annoyance. Jungkook smiles smugly, satisfied that he was able to scare you so bad and get such a funny reaction.

You shove his book at him, making him laugh as he grabs it. Then you stomp over to the rock where you two shared your first kiss, plopping yourself on the ground and lying back against it. “Get over here and read to me before I change my mind and go hang out with Seokjin.” You say threateningly.

Jungkook giggles at your behavior, knowing you hate it when he wins all the time. He jogs over and sits down next to you, poking your cheek until you turn to glare at him, “Stop that, what do you want?” You hiss. Jungkook pouts, “I want you to not be mad at me.” You look away, irritated beyond belief that he is so irresistibly adorable even when he annoyed you a minute ago.

“I’m not mad.” You sigh in defeat and smile at him, your heart fluttering when you see his sharp canines as he smiles brightly. “Alright, I’ll read now!”

Adorable little brat.

You turn and lay your head on his lap, ready for him to take his turn in reading his story to you. The book he’s been reading to you is almost finished and you love it so far, just as he promised you would. Jungkook clears his throat and you hear him flipping the pages in the book.

“Where did you fall asleep at?” He asks and you laugh.

“How should I know, if I fell asleep?”

Jungkook chuckles at that, “Ok, what do you last remember?”

“Um, I remember her falling and hurting her ankle…?” You hear him flip a few more pages, then he makes a sound of approval, “Alright, I got it.” Then he starts to read, his voice immediately relaxing you as it whisks you into the little world he’s created with only the beautiful words flowing from his lips.

Time flies by and Jungkook keeps his steady pace as he reads page after page, never tiring.

“She felt her heart race as he stared at her. His gaze slowly shifted to her lips, then-…”

You lift your head in confusion when he stops abruptly. Then you squint at Jungkook, who’s biting his bottom lip as he reads the page silently to himself, his eyes flickering around the page.

“Then, what?” You ask and Jungkook jumps, looking up at you sheepishly. He doesn’t say anything as you laugh at his expression, “Why are you stopping at such an intense part??” You exclaim. Jungkook ducks his head in embarrassment, “I- I feel weird.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know…reading romantic parts out loud is making me feel like a weirdo.”

You burst out laughing and he looks at you, his face almost pained with awkwardness. “Is it a kiss scene?!” You ask excitedly and he nods hesitantly.

“Finally!!” You shout in ecstasy, throwing your arms in the air before snatching the book from him, “Don’t worry Kook, I’ll read this part to myself.” Then you turn, hiding the book from his view as you eagerly scan the words.

Jungkook laughs quietly, knowing how much you love romance as his tummy tickles with butterflies. He’s glad you’re reading this part to yourself though, as much as he is a hopeless romantic himself, reading it aloud to someone else is more awkward than he thought it’d be. A tiny squeal leaves your mouth and he chuckles at how cute you are.

~ ~ ~

“Koo! Flower!” Honey shrieks when you and Jungkook walk through the front door after spending the day in the clearing. Jungkook smiles shyly and crouches enough to scoop her up when she runs into his arms.

“Hi, Honey.” He says gently, letting her pat his cheeks and kiss his forehead. You giggle and come up to kiss her head, “Hi, baby.” You boop her nose and she giggles, then you make your way to the kitchen to help Jin with dinner, leaving Jungkook to Honey. When you turn to look at them again, the sight of him placing her on his hip and asking her questions melts your heart and you feel a horrible urge to cry.

Stop being so emotional, y/n.

You chide yourself in your brain, forcing yourself to look away and go into the kitchen. “Please tell me you need help with dinner.” You say as Seokjin turns to smile at you, setting his knife down.

“I most certainly do, kiddo. Get over here and chop these veggies.” He gestures to the cutting board he was just at and you sigh in relief, wanting something to do to get your mind off certain things. Sooyoung grins at you from her place at the stove as she cooks eggs, her cheeks tinted pink when Jin reaches around her to check on the rice.

You smile back, trying not to squeal and make them awkward around each other. You turn and start cutting the vegetables that Seokjin has placed on the cutting board, making small talk with them as you three work diligently. After a few minutes, you feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist, startling you as you set the knife down and turn your head to see Jungkook smiling at you.

“Kook, you scared me.”

“Again? You’re a scaredy-cat, y/n.” He snickers at you.

You’re about to respond, but then you see Seokjin and Sooyoung exchanging glances with each other, the looks on their faces showing how badly they want to tease you and Jungkook. Your cheeks heat up and you turn around to keep cutting the veggies, “If you’re going to be in the kitchen, then make yourself useful.” You scold Jungkook gently. He frowns, then he kisses the top of your head, “Namjoon hyung wanted to speak with me, so I’m going to go do that. Have fun!” Then he scurries out of the kitchen, leaving you to shake your head at him.

“You and Kook are so cute together.” Sooyoung whispers when she moves next to you, making you embarrassed once again. You smile shyly, “Thanks.” You look over your shoulder to make sure Jin is occupied, then you whisper back. “So are you and Seokjin.”

Sooyoung’s cheeks burst into flames instantly and she splutters bashfully, “H-he doesn’t think of me like that…” You smile at her gently, “Believe me, he does.”

You try to hide your amusement when Sooyoung is so flustered that Jin has to keep coming over to help her with the eggs, making her even more nervous. The two of them compliment each other so perfectly that it seems too good to be true. Jin is always so happy around her and the way she laughs at his jokes makes his face brighten all the time, not to mention the way he positively towers over her; seeming like a soft giant next to her tiny frame that’s always fidgeting nervously.

It really is just too cute.

~ ~ ~

“Hyung? You wanted to talk to me?”

Namjoon looks up at the sound of Jungkook’s voice, closing his book as he smiles at the young vampire. “Yeah, come in Kook.”

Jungkook walks into the study, settling himself in a chair in front of the giant desk that Namjoon sits on the other side of. “Why are we in here?” He asks curiously, noticing the map on the desk in front of the older boy.

Namjoon clears his throat, “Yoongi hyung wants to talk to everyone together at some point for the final plans and preparations, but I wanted to talk to you first.”

Jungkook nods and Namjoon continues, “We’re going to see the Hunters in three days. Yoongi hyung thinks that things are going to start setting off quickly after that. We could be following through with the plan a few days after we meet with them.”

Jungkook’s stomach twists anxiously at this news.

He’s known for so long that it would eventually come to this, but he had never had you in the equation when he thought of it. All he wanted a few months ago was to take his revenge on those that did this to them, but now he has you and the others to think about.

Namjoon sees the way Jungkook fidgets nervously, and all he wants to do is reassure Jungkook that everything will be fine. He isn’t sure how to though, because he doesn’t know how it is going to go at all. But he clears his throat again and speaks up anyway, “We just need to keep our heads on straight and things should be fine. We aren’t stupid, we’ll be well prepared.”

Jungkook nods absentmindedly, “So, what are some of the plans?” He asks, turning his gaze back to his older brother. Namjoon opens a drawer to grab a few papers out, laying them on the desk, “The last time we met, we decided that we would be luring as many vamps as we could to a certain place where we could hopefully have the upper hand if we take them by surprise. Here’s a list of all our weapons, I’ve taken careful inventory.” Namjoon hands Jungkook a paper to glance at, “We were going to decide the place when we meet again. I’m hoping they found as many Hunters that they seemed to think they would. We’re going to need every person we can get.”

Jungkook nods again at that, “And what about the girls?”

Namjoon sighs, “They’ll be staying here, as uncomfortable as I am with it. This is the safest place for them right now. If we end up finding a better hiding spot then we’ll have them go there, but for now, this is all we have.” He sees Jungkook worrying his lip so he adds in, “Seokjin hyung will be staying with them. He isn’t well enough to join us, as mad as he’ll be about that. He can stay with the girls and keep them safe.”

Jungkook feels a little better at that, but not much. When he isn’t with you himself, being able to physically see and touch you to make sure you’re safe, it makes him nervous. “I suppose there’s nothing I can do to change anything, so I guess that’s what we’ll have to do.” Jungkook sighs, making Namjoon smile sadly.

“Hope, Kook. Always have hope.”

~ ~ ~

“Jeon Jungkook, you need a haircut.”

“Pardon?” Jungkook looks at you like you just grew a second head, which you can’t blame him too much for, seeing as he’s very attached to his long hair. You laugh and reach up to run your fingers through his thick locks, “Just a little trim. I won’t cut too much off.”

Jungkook flinches away and puts his hands up in a defensive stance, “What the hell do you mean you won’t cut too much off? You are not touching my hair.” You snort another laugh, “Come on Kook, it’ll feel nice and refreshing to get a little trim!”

“I don’t care about refreshing!” Jungkook backs away putting his hands on his hair protectively. “Why? You don’t like my hair?” He pouts, making you smile at his cute antics. “I love your hair, Koo. I just want to make it look a little less raggedy for you.” You try to reason with him.

Jungkook looks indignant at your choice of words.

“I am not raggedy.”

You sigh, throwing your hands up in the air, “Fine, whatever! I’ll leave it be. And for the record, I never said you were raggedy, just your hair.” Jungkook looks relieved when you decide to back down from cutting his hair. He doesn’t like changes; they make him uneasy.

“Can we go outside?” Jungkook takes your hand and kisses it, wanting to get back on your good side. The weather is a bit cloudy today, the sun not shining much, so it’s perfect for Jungkook to go outdoors without his hoodie. He wants to spend as much time with you as he can since he’ll be leaving to meet the Hunters the day after tomorrow. He knows everything should go smoothly, but he can’t help the pit of worry in his stomach whenever he thinks about it.

“Sure.” Your smile brightens, instantly warming his chest.

When the two of you come in a few hours later laden with flowers, Seokjin comes out from the kitchen and laughs.

“Oh good, our other bouquets are very wilted, it’s time to change them out!” He takes the flowers from you both with a giant smile on his face, then he turns to you. “Y/n, I wanted to ask a favor of you.”

You pull off your shoes, tossing them into the closet before looking at him, “Of course, what do you need?” Jungkook watches the exchange curiously.

Sooyoung walks over and takes the flowers from Jin to put in some water as Jin turns back to you, “Sooyoung said that she heard you offering to cut Kook’s hair earlier. I need a haircut too if you’re willing to give me one!”

You honestly have never cut anyone’s hair in your life, but the hopeful look on Jin’s face makes you agree almost instantly.

“Yeah, I must warn you that I’ve never done it, and Kook didn’t trust me. But I can try!” Jin smiles at your words, making Jungkook scowl in irritation. “Oh, I don’t care what it looks like, it’s just starting to look real messy and it’s bugging me.” Jin’s windshield wiper laugh echoes in the hall and you turn to give Jungkook a smug look. He just rolls his eyes and turns away.

“Well, let’s give it a try!” Jin booms confidently.

~ ~ ~

Jin’s hair turns out a lot better than you thought it would.

In fact, it turns out so much better than you thought it would that you now have a line of eager boys waiting for their turn.

Jimin is currently sitting in the chair in front of you that you set up in the bathroom, his thumbs twiddling mindlessly as you work on his hair. Tae is next in line, bouncing on his feet in excitement. Hoseok is after Tae, and Namjoon is behind him. Yoongi stands idly at the end of the line, pretending he’s just watching but secretly trying to figure out how to ask you to do his when no one is looking.

Jungkook is too busy pouting in his room to see how everyone’s hair is turning out. He’s mad at himself for denying your offer but even more mad that the boys would have jumped at the chance to get a haircut whether he did it or not.

When Yoongi finally gives in and accepts the fact that all the others want to watch him get his hair done, you do his quickly and send him on his way. He has the biggest gummy smile on his face as he looks at his hair in the mirror, liking how much neater it looks already.

“C-can you cut my hair?”

You look up in surprise at the sound of Jungkook’s voice. Setting down the broom and dustpan you were using to clean up all the hair in the bathroom, you give him a small smile. “It’s alright Kook, your hair looks good the way it is. Don’t feel like you have to cut it because everyone else did.”

Jungkook bites his lip, “I know, I just want to try it. Just the ends, though.” He’s quick to make sure you know not to cut it short. You giggle and gesture to the chair still sitting in the middle of the small bathroom, “I promise I’ll only do a little.” Jungkook nods and takes a seat, clasping his hands on his lap nervously.

You take the scissors and walk around to look at his hair from the back, “If it isn’t bothering you at all except the ends then it should be pretty easy.”

“Ok.” Jungkook’s voice sounds small when he answers you. You smile and give the top of his head a quick kiss before getting to work. You only take off a centimeter or two on the ends, the tips a bit broken and ratty looking. The length of his hair doesn’t look any different, much to his relief when you tell him. You move to the front, gently messing with the hair around his face as you try to figure out how to do it.

That’s when you notice Jungkook clenching his eyes shut, his lips pursed tightly.

“Koo? Hey, are you okay? I can stop here.”

“I-it’s not that.” He stutters and you realize what he means.

The dark cloud is back.

His hands start to shake, so you set your scissors down, taking his hands gently in your own. “You’re okay, and you won’t turn.” You whisper softly.

Jungkook gives a small nod, “I- I’m okay, and I won’t turn. P-please stay with me, y/n. I’m scared to be alone.”

“Always, Kookie. I’m always here.”

You sit there for a minute before his hands relax and he opens his eyes slowly. “Sorry, I just-“

“Don’t apologize, Kook. I understand…are you okay?” You brush a strand of hair from his face then you cup his cheek with your hand. Jungkook leans into your touch, craving the warmth your hand gives to his cool skin.

After you finish with his hair, which looks almost the exact same as it did when you started, just a little tamer on the ends, Jungkook smiles approvingly in the mirror. “Thanks, y/n.” You’re about to respond when you see his expression change. He seems to be examining himself, his face dropping the more he looks.

“I never really look at myself.” He whispers, “Now I remember why.”

“Kook-“

“It’s okay.” He looks at you in the mirror, his smile coming back but seeming less genuine. “I’m just saying, that’s all.”

“You’re handsome, so stop looking at yourself like you aren’t.” You huff, not aware of what you just said. When you look back up and see Jungkook smiling shyly and not looking at you, you realize what came out of your mouth.

“Oh, I- uh…”

“Thank you.” Jungkook whispers, taking you by surprise.

Then a warm feeling spreads in your chest, relief that maybe he really believes that you see him as such making you almost giddy. Jungkook turns and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him, “You’re beautiful.”

Your cheeks heat up and you look away, laughing it off, “What a pair we are.” You mumble jokingly, smiling when Jungkook giggles.

~ ~ ~

You’re sitting on Jungkook’s bed, watching with a frown as he packs his little satchel with a few things.

“Can’t I come with you?” You ask sadly, already knowing the answer. Jungkook stands up from where he was kneeling on the floor packing, touching your cheeks gently and smiling encouragingly. “The girls need you here, little flower. All we’re going to do is talk, you don’t have to worry about us being in danger, alright?”

He catches your gaze, squinting playfully at you until you give him a small smile, “Alright. Please be careful, Kookie.” He nods, kissing your forehead before pulling you to stand.

“We should get downstairs.” He says reluctantly, not happy about having to leave you either.

“I could take Jimin’s place since he’s staying anyway.” You suggest, following Jungkook out of his room and pouting when you hear him chuckle.

“No, love. I told you, the girls need you here. Honey needs you to keep her company.” He takes your hand, walking down the stairs with you slightly behind him. With Honey added into the argument, you have nothing to say back. The small child is your weakness, and Jungkook knows that.

When you reach the living room and see all the boys minus Jimin ready to head out, you frown again. Jimin is holding Yuri’s hand cutely, talking to Tae and laughing about something that you can’t hear. Seokjin insisted on joining them for meeting the Hunters when he found out he couldn’t join them for the ‘fight’. You don’t know much about this ‘fight’ as they call it, since no one has explained much to you, but the sound of it makes you nervous.

Since Jin wouldn’t take no for an answer when accompanying them, Jimin offered to stay behind with you girls and said someone could fill him in before they leave for the actual attack.

Jungkook gives you a quick kiss on the cheek before following the older boys out, waving and smiling at you reassuringly.

When the blue van is out of sight, you decide to play with Honey to keep yourself occupied while they’re gone. Yoongi told you that they should be back late tonight, if not, then early tomorrow morning. The meeting wasn’t supposed to be long and everyone had preparations to make after it.

So, you swallow the lump in your throat and call Honey over to go and pick flowers with you.

~ ~ ~

“Anyone have any good road trip songs?” Jin calls out, trying to lighten the mood.

He gets a few chuckles, but no one suggests any songs, much to his disappointment. Seokjin looks in his rearview mirror and sees Jungkook in the back, staring out the window with a blank look on his face. Then it looks like he starts to whisper to himself before Jin brings his eyes back to the dirt road ahead, not sure what Jungkook is doing and not knowing how to help him.

The ride only takes two hours before they’re pulling up to an old building that looks a bit like a deserted elementary school. Jin parks the car and looks around, a strange feeling filling everyone’s tummies at the sight of so many cars parked here. A few men are walking into the building as the boys clamber out of the car. One of them waves but none of the boys recognize him as they wave back.

Just a fellow Hunter apparently.

Jungkook has his hood up, covering his pale skin and red eyes. He hisses in pain quietly when the sun touches his hands before he shoves them in the front pocket of his hoodie. Seokjin walks over to Jungkook and puts a hand on his shoulder, “Alright, Kook. The Hunters they met knew that Yoongi and Namjoon were vamps before, so they’re expecting us to be vampires. You won’t have to hide once we get in and the Hunters they met explain things to everyone else.” Jungkook nods, biting his bottom lip absentmindedly.

When they walk into the auditorium in the old school, Jungkook’s stomach turns at the sight of so many Hunters in one place. There has to be at least three hundred, and most of them have guns, some even have sheathed swords hanging at their sides, no doubt made of pure silver. He knows they’re all on the same side, but the thought of a Hunter not realizing he’s a good guy and attacking him makes him walk slower than the rest of the group.

They find some empty seats and sit down as Yoongi says he’s going to find the guys that came up with this and explain things. Jungkook watches him walk away, then he glances around the room. One big man with a bushy mustache and a shiny bald head, glares at Jungkook suspiciously. Jungkook can’t tell if he can see what he’s hiding or not, but the man has definitely already taken a disliking to him.

The young vampire’s attention is drawn to the stage when a tall young man with black hair starts waving his arms in the air as a signal for everyone to quiet down.

“Thank you to everyone that has come today, there are more that will be joining us but aren’t here. I’m just going to get straight to the point. You all know you’re here to help us eradicate the vampires. We found an old church that we’re going to be luring the vampires to-“

“And how are you going to do that?” A voice shouts from the crowd.

The black-haired young man on the stage smiles and nods, “You’ve also heard some rumors about good vampires I’m sure, so I’ll put your minds to rest and answer your question at the same time. There are some people that were changed, but not enough to become unrecognizable. A few of them have agreed to help us by spreading the news of a vampire meeting among the enemy.”

Murmurs move through the crowd and Jungkook feels the need to sink further into his seat. These Hunters don’t sound convinced. The guy on stage waves his arms again before continuing. “I know it’s hard to believe, but it will work. All you need to worry about is showing up and helping us.”

He keeps talking, but Jungkook isn’t paying attention. He’s too focused on not letting the Hunters around him see his appearance, seeing as they’re all getting worked up.

~ ~ ~

“Well, that was…fine.” Seokjin muses when they’re all once again sitting in the car.

Jungkook ended up staying hidden under his hood the entire time, all of them agreeing that that was safest for now. A lot of the Hunters there were angry about the fact that they were allies with a few vamps. They didn’t seem to care that they were once people before being turned.

Mutters of agreements float through the car, but Jungkook stays silent. He just wants to get home to you and pretend like none of this is happening. He knows you’re not going to be happy when you find out that the sneak attack is supposed to happen the day after tomorrow.

It’s a lot sooner than everyone anticipated, and no one is jumping for joy over that fact. Yoongi keeps saying how he’s not pleased, but the sooner things get over with, the happier he’ll be. Jungkook can’t disagree that he wants this over.

But if he’s being honest, he has no idea what’s going to happen to him when it is.

Is he going to have to stay in hiding for the rest of his life?

The thought of living in the shadows and drinking nothing but blood, without you by his side, for the rest of forever, makes him sick. He’s been avoiding thinking about what’s happening to him, but he can tell that his time is running out.

The deep red color of his eyes was the first sign for him that he doesn’t have much longer, and now he can’t be in any sunlight without it feeling like it’s scorching him. The dark cloud is looming over his mind, growing bigger as it waits for its time to strike. And once it does, he knows he’s screwed. Jungkook can feel the control of his emotions slipping away, day by day. He can still feel his love for you constantly, but sometimes he can sense an unwanted and uncalled for anger or resentment creeping into his mind.

That’s when he tries to pull away, afraid to be near you when his emotions are so unpredictable. But he’s done his best in not letting you see that side of him. He wants his last moments with you to be happy, so he pretends everything is okay.

That’s when an idea pops into his head and he smiles to himself, planning on asking Seokjin for help when they get home.

~ ~ ~

“They’re home!” Yuri shouts happily, her head poking out of the curtains in the living room. You jump up from the floor where you were cleaning up a mess that Honey had accidentally made, then you run to the front door and fling it open. Running down the steps, you wait until the blue van is fully parked before hurrying over to it. You’re bouncing on your toes while the boys climb out, saying hello to each of them as they make their way inside.

When Jungkook climbs out, you throw your arms around him and hug him. He laughs and wraps his arms around you, picking you up and carrying you to the front porch where he sets you down and hugs you tightly. “I’m okay.” He keeps repeating it to you, his chest aching when he hears your sniffles.

Jungkook pulls back and brushes your hair out of your face, “Don’t cry, y/n. I’m alright, it was just a meeting.” He hates it when you cry, and he doesn’t know how to help you.

You laugh tearfully, “They’re happy tears, Koo. I just missed you a lot and I’m glad you’re back.” Jungkook smiles, giggling when you peck his lips. “Have you guys eaten yet?” He asks as he takes your hand and leads you back inside. You shake your head, “We were just about to make dinner. None of us were very hungry at all today.”

He nods in understanding, then he laughs when he sees Honey charging for him; her tiny legs pumping quickly under her as she runs full speed ahead into his arms.

When everyone is seated at the dinner table, Namjoon decides to fill everyone in on what happened and what the plan is from now on. He doesn’t hesitate and gets straight to the point.

“We’re going through with the plan the day after tomorrow.”

Your heart sinks to your feet and you feel Jungkook put a comforting hand on your thigh. You try to smile at him but end up just looking away and picking at your food as Namjoon continues.

“There’s an abandoned church we’re meeting at. It’s far from here, so there shouldn’t be much risk of danger for you girls. As we’ve decided, Seokjin hyung will be staying with you and if we don’t find any other safe house before we leave, you’ll be staying here.”

Everyone nods, the plan being pretty clear and easy to understand. You fidget anxiously, hating everything about this. You have no desire whatsoever to be involved in the fight, but you also hate staying home and wondering if your friends are alive as you sit in the safety of the living room.

It’s a terrible feeling.

In bed that night, you force yourself to stay where you are. You have an urge to get up and go to Jungkook, to try and talk out your worries and maybe comfort each other, but you don’t want to disturb him when he needs all the rest he can get.

So, you toss and turn until you fall into a restless sleep, the rest of your night filled with nightmares of cold skin, sharp teeth and blood, blood, blood.

~ ~ ~

“I want to take you out today.” Jungkook says shyly, holding your hand sweetly. Breakfast was a few hours ago and it’s nearing lunchtime, the day flying by while you dwell on tomorrow. You smile at him and nod, “Are we going to read, or pick flowers?” You ask, knowing there really aren’t many options for you two these days.

Jungkook smirks and shakes his head, “Neither. Go and get ready and I’ll tell you when it’s time to go.” Then he jumps up and hurries out of the living room. You watch him in amusement, wondering what on earth he’s planning.

When you walk into your room to get dressed, a soft knock sounds on the door a minute after you close it. You walk back over and open it to see Jin smiling at you, holding something behind his back.

“Hey, y/n. Sorry to bother you, but I have something for you.” He says quickly, looking over his shoulder and down the hall to make sure no one is there. You open the door and let him in, closing it behind him.

“What is it?” You ask curiously, trying to see behind his back.

Seokjin smiles brightly, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. “Jungkook is planning something really special, and I found this last week. I thought I’d show it to you and see if you wanted to wear it today.” He pulls a pastel yellow sundress out from behind his back and your eyes light up.

“Oh, it’s so pretty! Thank you Jin, where on earth did you find it?” You take the soft dress, holding it close to your chest.

Jin’s grin widens, “I found it in the attic, in an old chest. It might be a bit big, so I got this as well.” He hands you a brown belt, “Jungkook is really excited, and I felt like maybe you’d like to dress up a little since you never get to these days.”

Your eyes well up at how thoughtful the eldest is, and you give him a quick hug. “Thank you so much, I’ll put it on right away. Will you let me know what you think of it?” You ask happily and Jin nods, still smiling.

He leaves the room while you change into the dress, only coming back in when you call him. He walks in to see you standing there shyly, clasping your hands in front of you. The yellow dress is fairly big on you, but the yellow belt keeps it in place. Your off-white socks and messy hair completely contrasting it, but Jin knows Jungkook will love it.

“You look beautiful, y/n.” Jin looks close to tears as you feel yourself blush and mumble a thank you.

“Ok, let’s get you all ready!” Jin snaps out of his emotional state and hurries over to grab a rag, running into the bathroom and wetting it before giving it to you to wipe your face. As you clean your face as best you can, Jin ties your hair back so it doesn’t fall into your face. When he’s all finished, he takes the rag from you and steps back to admire the work you two did.

He claps his hands slowly, a smug smirk on his face. “We’ve done it. You look great!” You keep thanking him over and over again, then you two hang out in your room and talk until Jin goes to see if Jungkook is done with the preparations yet.

When you walk downstairs to see Jungkook waiting by the door with a big basket in his arms, your heart flutters.

He’s taking you on a picnic.

Jungkook’s eyes widen when he sees you, his lips turning up into a smile. You always look so cute to him, but to see that you wanted to dress up today makes his chest ache from how much he loves you.

“Y/n, you look so beautiful.” He says when you reach him, then he reaches over and caresses your cheek lovingly. “You’re so adorable.” His lips are about to tear from how wide he’s smiling, and your cheeks are blazing from the affection he’s showing.

After pulling on your dirty white sneakers, you follow Jungkook out to the porch. He puts his hood up, “Sorry I can’t hold your hand, I have to carry the basket.” He says sheepishly. You shake your head quickly, “It’s alright, I’m carrying the umbrella, so I’ve got my hands full!” You lift the umbrella to show him, making him chuckle.

“Alrighty, let’s go!”

~ ~ ~

Jungkook takes you to a little pond where there are lots of trees, making lots of shade. Then he kneels on the ground and starts setting the picnic up. “I know you were excited about the picnic that day, but you didn’t get to go. I hope this can make up for it.” Jungkook is busily unfolding the blanket for the ground so he doesn’t see you wipe your eyes, trying not to cry from his kind gesture.

“I love it, Koo. Thank you.”

He smiles to himself, pulling out different foods and telling you which ones he made and which ones Seokjin had to help him with.

Jungkook really went all out.

You two spend the next few hours talking and you complimenting Jungkook on his unexpectedly good cooking skills. He just grins and watches you enjoying the food he made.

“We’ll have to cook together sometime.” He suggests, and you eagerly agree, still stuffing your face with the kimbap he made.

A quick walk around the pond using the umbrella is the last thing you do before laying on the blanket in the shade and closing your eyes.

“This is the best picnic I’ve ever been on.” You say happily, your eyes closed as you breathe in the fresh air. Jungkook looks over at you and smiles, “I’m glad.” He lies next to you.

After you play a quick game of naming the shapes of clouds, you look over and see Jungkook leaning up on his elbow and watching you with hearts in his eyes. You giggle and turn so you’re facing him.

“What are you thinking about, Koo?”

“I have something else for you. But I don’t want to give it to you yet.” He mumbles.

“Is it what you were writing in that notebook a while ago?” You ask curiously and his eyes widen in surprise. “How did you know?”

“Just a lucky guess.” You laugh and lay back down. “I don’t want to wait, I want to see it now.” You pout cutely and he laughs, scooting closer to you.

“I promise I will give it to you after I get home tomorrow.”

You’re about to ask why you have to wait until then, but you realize he wants you to know that he will for sure be coming back, so you just nod. “Sounds like a deal, Koo. You better hold up your end.”

Jungkook nods and scoots until he’s leaning over you, “I promise.” He whispers, then he leans down and kisses you gently, pulling away to look at you before going back in for another kiss. You close your eyes and try to imagine that everything is okay and tomorrow doesn’t exist.

When you hear a small sigh leave Jungkook’s lips you open your eyes to see his eyes welled up with tears. You frown and cup his face, “What’s the matter?”

Jungkook looks like he’s about to lie and say he’s fine, but he just flops down next to you and puts his hands over his face, saying nothing. You sit up and lean over him, “Talk to me, please.”

Jungkook’s voice wavers when he speaks, “It just hurts.”

“What hurts?” Now you’re really worried.

“Just-…I’m not me, and I never will be again…it hurts.”

The despair in his voice makes a few tears slip down your cheeks, and you don’t bother wiping them away. He’s just given you a hint to what’s going on with him, and he’s right. It hurts like a bitch.

Jungkook’s time is running out.

~ ~ ~

“We found another safehouse.”

“What? Where?” Seokjin asks, bewildered at the comment Yoongi spews when he comes rushing into the kitchen later that night.

“It’s actually closer to the church, but it’s well hidden and no one can get in.” Yoongi is breathless as the oldest tells him to sit down and explain things to him in a clear way.

Yoongi sits in a chair and takes a few breaths before explaining, “We found an old shack that was rebuilt and completely covered in metal. There aren’t any windows and a bolt is on the door, so it can’t be opened at all from the outside when locked. We think there used to be weapons stored in there, but now it’s empty. It’s only a few miles from the church, but honestly, it’s so much safer in case things were to go badly. Trees cover it completely and no one could find it easily.”

Seokjin’s eyebrows are set in concentration as he thinks deeply on what the best decision would be. Yoongi speaks again when he sees the hesitation. “We could bring all the medical supplies and you and Sooyoung could have things ready in the chance that one of us gets injured.”

Seokjin nods slowly, agreeing that that would be a good thing to have available, but he still looks doubtful. “You’re positive that it’ll be totally safe? I’m not bringing the girls and especially not Honey into a place that could backfire on us.”

“I would bet my life that it’s safer than here,” Yoongi states firmly.

“Ok then, I guess I’ve got some packing to do.”

~ ~ ~

You rub the sleep from your eyes for the umpteenth time since you woke up this morning as Seokjin gives you a sympathetic look, handing you a box full of bandages. You send him a tired smile and turn to head inside the little shack.

When you reach the door, you trip over the threshold and stumble forward. A hand grabs you before you fall, and you look up to see Jungkook looking at you worriedly. He takes the box from your hands and gives you a look, “What’s going on, y/n? Are you alright?”

You nod and rub your eyes again, “I’m fine. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” Jungkook looks like he wants to reach over and touch you, wrap his arms around you, but he holds back and just sends you an understanding nod before turning to put the box on the table in the middle of the room.

You frown at how cold he’s been since this morning, it seems like he doesn’t want to touch you at all, when all you want is to wrap yourself in his arms and hold on forever. You’re sure it’s because he’s upset about having to leave later today, and he deals with things differently from you. Jungkook tends to pull away these days and you feel the need to cling to him. You need his love to feel stronger.

You blink your eyes rapidly, trying to cover your tears, then you turn away to keep helping Seokjin unpack the car. It goes on like this for another half hour; unpacking and sorting through everything, putting it all away so you can set up the little cots that were in a closet in the shack.

At one point, you overhear Jungkook and Jin fighting outside, somewhere a little way from the house.

You can’t tell what Jin is saying, but your heart breaks when you hear Jungkook shouting, “I don’t want this! I never wanted this! I wish he killed me instead. I’d rather die than keep living like this!” You think Jin says something like, “You don’t mean that.” Before you turn and go back into the shack, hating that there’s nothing you can do to help him.

Once everything is set up for you guys to stay there tonight, you and Jin sit on the floor; exhausted. Jungkook is outside and Namjoon is in the car going over something with Hoseok. Everyone else stayed at the house, finalizing things for later.

Seokjin touches your arm gently and you look up at him, waiting for him to speak. He clears his throat, “I don’t know if this is any of my business, but I saw how Jungkook has been acting.”

You nod, a sad smile gracing your lips as you look down at your hands. Jin sighs, “He’s not happy about tonight. You know he pulls away when he gets upset, I just hope he realizes that it isn’t going to make things better. Are you okay, y/n?” He asks worriedly.

You hesitate before nodding, “I’m just so tired.”

Seokjin nods sadly, knowing that you mean so much more than not sleeping last night. This tired goes too deep to be blamed on lack of sleep, and Jin can see it clearly.

“Things should look up a little after this is over.” He says encouragingly, and you try your best to believe him, but something in the pit of your stomach tells you that he’s wrong.

The ride back home to get everyone else is silent. You sit on the far left of the back seat and Jungkook sits on the far right, looking out the window with a blank expression. You watch him quietly, knowing he’s only two feet away but feeling like you’re miles apart.

You want to ask him to speak with you, but you don’t even know what to say at this point, so you stay silent and stick to messing with your hands and listening to the older boys’ conversation.

~ ~ ~

“You guys ready?” Yoongi looks over everyone crowded in the tiny shack after you’re all gathered there later in the day. Honey watches curiously from one of the cots, not understanding what’s going on or why Hobi has been saying goodbye to her.

“We need to get going if we’re going to get there before the vamps.” Namjoon says, a sad look on his face.

You say your goodbyes to everyone but Jungkook, who’s been sitting on a cot and not speaking for hours. You’re screaming at him on the inside, begging him to at least say goodbye before he leaves. You’re not sure what this day is going to hold, and that makes you sick with fear. When Jungkook is like this, it makes it even worse.

When Jungkook stands up and moves to the door you’re hopeful for a minute that he might be coming to speak with you, but then he passes you by and leaves out the front door, not a single word spoken. Everyone follows the small group outside, waving as they climb into the blue van. You can’t stand to see Jungkook ignore you anymore, so you silently wish him luck and turn to go inside before the car drives away. But before you can get very far, a grip on your arm pulls you back and you feel strong arms encase you gently.

Your heart aches painfully as you turn and bury your face into Jungkook’s chest. He tucks his head in your neck, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He keeps repeating himself, and you’re not even sure if he’s just talking about giving you the cold shoulder today or if there’s something else on his mind.

“You promised to give me my present when you get back. Don’t break your promise.” You cry into his chest, feeling his arms tighten around you as he nods. Jungkook pulls away enough to look at your face, then he leans down and kisses you, pulling away before kissing you again. He keeps pecking your lips until you giggle. Only then does he pull away for the last time and smile at you, “Stay safe, little flower.”

“You too, Koo.”

“I will…I love you.” Jungkook whispers, feeling bad for not saying it earlier. You smile, warming his chest, “I love you, too.”

When Yoongi calls to Jungkook to hurry up, he frowns, then he kisses your lips once more. “See you later, baby.”

You wave to him as he climbs into the car and shuts the door, then you watch the car drive away with a sinking feeling in your stomach, sensing that something is terribly wrong.

~ ~ ~

It’s been a few hours since they left, and you’re sitting in the same spot on the floor, trying to concentrate on the game that you and Honey have been playing. You made little dolls out of pinecones and a few of Jin’s bandages for clothes, and Honey has been having the time of her life, finally being distracted from the fact that Hoseok is gone. The little girl had cried for a good hour when they first left, asking where ‘good boy Hobi’ went.

She’s content now, with her pinecone doll and munching on a carrot that Seokjin gave her. Yuri comes over and takes the make-shift doll out of your hand gently, telling you to go and get some fresh air while she plays with Honey. You get up and step outside, finding Seokjin sitting outside the door, his brows furrowed as he stares into the forest.

You look at the tire tracks from a few hours earlier and bite your bottom lip.

“How far is the church?” You ask suddenly, surprising Jin. He turns and looks at you, “It’s about nine kilometers from here, why?” Then he squints at you in suspicion.

“Y/n, no.” He looks at you in disbelief.

You look back at him, “I feel like something is wrong.”

“You can’t, y/n. It’s going to be dangerous, yes. But there will be a lot of Hunters to fight alongside the boys. There’s nothing that you can do to make it better.” The tone of his voice is firm and full of worry. You nod reluctantly, knowing he’s right.

Jin pats the ground next to him, signaling for you to take a seat. You sit down and will your tears not to overflow.

“They’ll be okay.”

You’re not sure if Seokjin is trying to convince you or himself, but you don’t think it’s working either way.

You sit in silence until Seokjin announces that he’s going inside. You tell him you’re going to be out here for a while, so he agrees to come and check on you in a while if you don’t come in eventually. You look back at the forest, your mind spinning with anxiety. The sky has dark clouds starting to close in and the sun is going to start setting soon.

You wonder how long it’s going to take, and if it’ll be easier or harder than they anticipated. Your brain won’t stop going around in circles. After a while, you stand up and look back at the door. It’s closed and everyone is still inside.

Don’t be stupid, y/n.

You bite your lip, puffing out an anxious breath.

What do I do?

Not whatever you’re thinking, that’s for sure.

Before you even have time to think about it clearly, your feet are taking off, following the tracks of the car as you run as fast as you can.

~ ~ ~

An asthma attack started long ago, but you keep running, willing your legs to go faster and not to give up yet. A few times you slow to a jog, and then to a brisk walk before running again. The tracks of the car were fairly noticeable up until a little while ago, so you’ve just been running in the direction they last pointed, praying that they didn’t make any turns.

By the time your lungs feel like they’re dried up and shriveled and you can barely stand the thought of taking another step, you see the church in the distance, across a giant field. You breathe a sigh of relief and hurry towards it, noting how fast the sun is going down.

Soon this field will be swarmed with vampires.

That thought makes you run faster, tripping over your own two feet as you charge towards the abandoned church.

Please don’t let this be a mistake.

Please, oh please.

When you finally reach the church, you could cry from relief. The old parking lot is empty, of course they wouldn’t be parking their cars here. It’s so deadly silent that the hairs on the back of your neck stand to attention. You creep towards the church door, grabbing the handle and pulling on it as hard as you can.

The door creaks open and you slip inside, almost immediately bumping into a hard back. The man you ran into turns around, his eyebrows widening at the sight of you before he smiles. “You’re just on time little lady, the sun’s going down.” When he sees the fear on your face, he furrows his brows, “You’re a Hunter, aren’t you?” He asks.

You quickly nod your head, then your stomach pinches with anxiety at his next words.

“Well, we need to go and hide now. They’ll be here any minute now.”

Fuck.

You didn’t think this through.

Why are you so reckless??

The man leads you into the main part of the church where old and broken pews line up and down the room. As you’re walking down an aisle, you whisper to the man, “Have you seen anyone named Jungkook? Or Yoongi? Maybe Namjoon?”

“Ah, Joon? Yeah He’s in the choir loft.” The man turns and points at a little loft above you at the back of the church. Your heart lifts in your chest, some luck at last!

You thank the man before hurrying towards the back again to find a way up to where the boys must be hiding. You’re impressed at how quiet hundreds of Hunters can be and how well they can hide in here. When you reach the back and see a little stairwell, you run over and start to climb the steps. Just then, the church door bangs open and you here someone laughing loudly, a sneering voice saying something about the irony of the meeting place.

Vampires.

They’re already here.

You lay flat on your stomach so they can’t see you if they turn your way, then you crawl up the stairs as quiet as you can. You reach a small door and slip through it. Right when you walk into the loft, a hand reaches out and grabs your elbow, yanking you into a tiny alcove.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” A voice whispers harshly in your ear.

Jungkook.

The vampire pulls you closer into him, his chest heaving with angry breaths. You can tell he’s pissed, but you don’t know how to explain your reasoning for why you came. Jungkook roughly pushes you behind him so that you’re pinned between him and the wall, then he looks out, checking the area before turning back to you. He’s glaring at you angrily, “I swear y/n, what the fuck are you doing?”

Taehyung’s head pops up from behind a piano that’s a few feet away and he puts a finger to his lips, telling Jungkook to be quiet. Jungkook flips him off, making Tae roll his eyes before ducking behind the piano again.

You put your mouth to Jungkook’s ear and whisper, “I was scared, something felt wrong.” Jungkook doesn’t answer you, too upset that you’re here. He wants to send you back, but he knows it’s too late now. When Namjoon stands up from behind a little pew in the choir loft and signals to Jungkook, the vampire turns to you.

“Don’t move from this spot. Please, just listen to me.” His eyes have softened, and you nod, feeling guilty for becoming a burden in this situation. You just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Jungkook gently pushes you to the ground to sit in the hidden alcove, dragging his fingers through your hair comfortingly before creeping out into the open and following the others to wait by the choir loft door.

Your breath sounds so loud to you in the dead silence. Then it starts getting louder as the vampires must be filling up the church downstairs, sitting in the pews and milling around. After what feels like an eternity, you hear the little door open and the boys leave. Now you’re alone, and terrified.

Why did you come?

It was just stupid worry, nothing serious.

You hate that you made such a rash decision.

Then, as if a bomb suddenly went off, the entire place is in an uproar. Screams pierce the air instantly when the fighting begins, and you push yourself further into the wall. The Hunters really must have taken the vampires by surprise.

You clasp your hands and close your eyes, hoping for it to be over as soon as possible. Jungkook told you that there were hundreds of Hunters, and if the plan worked, most of the vampires should be here, which means hundreds of vampires too.

Please, please, please.

“Y/n?”

Your eyes pop open at the sound of his voice and your head shoots up to see Seungwook standing above you.

What the fuck is he doing here?

“Seungwook, why are you-“

“Y/n, I’m so glad you’re okay.” Seungwook kneels down next to you, smiling broadly. The commotion downstairs hasn’t subsided, but he doesn’t seem to notice it. “So, you decided to join the Hunters? I’m glad. You made the right choice.”

“What-…no, I-“

Then the door to the choir loft bursts open and people start swarming in. Vampires and men, practically clawing at each other at this point, some trying to run and others giving chase. Seungwook drags you to your feet and screams at you to run. Then he turns and starts firing his gun, the noise deafening as he hits every single vampire he aims at without missing a beat.

You take off, pushing through the frantic crowd and running down the stairs, tripping on the last step and sprawling onto the floor. You wince and try to stand up, only to be grabbed by a random Hunter and yanked to your feet.

He pushes you away from him roughly and you start running again, not sure where to go.

“Y/n! Y/n!”

You turn at the sound of Jungkook’s voice, seeing his eyes wide with fear that you’re in the throng of the fight. He’s pushing past men and vampires, struggling to get to you. When he reaches you, he grips your arm harshly, dragging you into the main church hall and sprinting down the aisles of pews, towards a back door.

Jungkook throws the door open and shoves you out into the cold night air, where still more vampires and Hunters fight desperately for their lives. “Come on!” He shouts over the noise of the fighting, still dragging you behind him. You see an old barn up ahead and you can tell that’s where Jungkook is heading.

When you make it inside, there are still more vampires and Hunters; it’s never ending. Jungkook curses loudly, not having much of a choice now but to stay here. He shoves you behind him right when a vampire lunges for you. Jungkook meets him halfway, wrestling with the stocky vampire for a minute before he snaps its neck, then plunges a silver knife into its neck and shoves the limp body to the floor.

Your heart is racing in your chest, not knowing what to do. That’s when you see Seungwook run into the barn, and when he notices Jungkook with you, his gaze turns murderous, making your stomach sink to the floor.

You never really had great plans organized ahead of time. This time; you don’t have to. The second you see Seungwook raise his gun and aim, you know his target is Jungkook.

You know that if that silver bullet hits his heart, he’ll die in under a minute.

You know all of that…and you know what you’re going to do.

Everything slows down, the screams, slashing and clashing of metal on metal, as vampires and humans fight with everything in them, become muted background static. It feels like you’re moving through syrup when you turn your head to see Jungkook’s back facing you; having shoved you behind him to keep you where he knows you’re safe. Your head turns back to the other side, slowly, inch by inch and you see your old friend again. He cocks his gun, shifts a bit to ensure he keeps his record of never missing, clean. His finger pulls the trigger torturously slow. You freeze in your spot, fear planting a seed in your heart and causing you to hesitate.

Then the battle is gone, all the blood and terrorized screams come to a pause while different images flash before your eyes:

Jungkook; crying silently on the couch before you find him. He looks up and you see the tear streaks, his deep red eyes reflecting pain and regret. “Jungkook-“ you breathe out before he cuts you off. “Y/n, I don’t want this. Y/n, I want to be a human again. I don’t want to die a monster.”

“Jungkook, you won’t die, and you’re not a monster.”

You blink in shock at the sudden memory as another pushes its way into your mind.

Lying in Jungkook’s bed with him after he refused to drink blood and collapsed. Jungkook’s arms encircle you as he whispers, “I’m too far gone if I don’t do this. For all I know, I’m too far gone anyway.” His voice cracks and you feel a tear slip down your cheek at his words. “But I need to do this, because if I die…I don’t want to die a monster.”

Your vision comes back, but you still hear his voice in your head, ringing and bouncing throughout your mind as the voices of the others join in.

“I don’t want this! I never wanted this! I wish he killed me instead. I would rather die than keep living like this!”

“P-please stay with me, y/n. I’m scared to be alone.”

“The vampire had him for too long, none of his old self is left.”

“I have to believe that he’s still in there somewhere, I have to.”

“When you’re with me. I feel human again.”

“Jungkook turned because he came back to save me, and now he’s worse off than the rest of us. It isn’t fair.”

“I hate everything that I am.”

“I’m not me, and I never will be again. It hurts.”

“Jungkook was always the shy one, but he had the biggest heart.”

“I don’t want to die a monster.”

One last vision clouds your sight as you stand frozen in your place.

The thunder sounds outside the abandoned hospital and your body trembles, fear coursing through you. Jungkook holds you in his lap, hugging you tightly.

“I’ve got you, little flower…don’t worry…don’t be scared, I love you.”

“I don’t want to die a monster...”

You won’t…

I’m not scared anymore, Kookie.

“I love you too, Jungkook.” With those words tumbling from your lips, you throw yourself forward, wrapping your arms around Jungkook’s waist and holding on for dear life.

Sorry Seungwook, not this time.

Before his brain can register why you’ve attached yourself to him so desperately, a loud shot rings out and Jungkook’s stomach lurches when he feels your arms tighten around him.

Jungkook looks down and sees your small hands clutching to the front of his shirt, knuckles white. He stares at them for a moment, shock still coursing through his body, before he turns and catches you when you start to fall.

____________________________________

a/n: ...

tag list: @jjungkook99 @ditttiii @rubinora @xxxanimangxxx @fekitza @nikikookie @karissassirak @jkhey97 @squidyelmosquidbutt @howbizarre @adelina1299 @krystle1990 @your-best-behaviour @lettersforjoon @hopeworld-baseline @elliegrace1999tvd @jeonjungkookismyfuture

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mysterioh · 5 years ago

Text

The Ignorant Beauty and The Beast of New York - Chapter 2

PAIRING: MOB!STEVE ROGERS X READER

Synopsis: Y/N is an exhausted bio major. Steve is danger with a capital DANGER. She thinks he’s a sarcastic prick with an impressive knowledge in art history. He thinks she’s cute even if she’s only running on one brain cell. All he wants is a single date, but she’s adamant upon denying.

Masterlist

Death of a College Student

“Excuse me?” you questioned incredulously and a bit freaked out.

Steve gave you a charming yet crooked smile, taking note of your features with great detail. Your brows were knitted in confusion and mouth ajar in disgust. Your form leaning towards him in a primal state of attack with your hand tightly wrapped around your bag. Ready to swing if he decided to call you sweetheart one more time.

He found it rather endearing. Attractive would be the best word. Very attractive. Steve knew he was a bit unhinged, probably had something to do with his line of work , and that he did just meet you like two minutes ago but damn did he like you.

The way you held yourself. Firm and bold in front of a man you had to look up at to get a good look in the eyes. Your curt responses and brash attitude. He liked it all very much. Bonus points for having a cute face. Extra credit for possibly being a fellow Brooklynite.

"Sorry," he chuckled, "I didn't mean it in that way. I say stupid stuff sometimes."

“Then maybe you shouldn’t talk at all,” you snapped, quickly turning on your heel to walk away.

“Come on, now. If I didn’t talk, you would’ve been stuck in front of the painting for hours,” he pointed out, following behind you like a lost puppy. You grunted at his reply. He was right, but that didn’t give him the right to call you sweetheart. “I helped you and don’t you think I deserve some compensation for my contribution?”

You stop and turn to him. “Right of course,” you said, starting to rummage through your bag. Steve smiles, already thinking of what kind of coffee he’d like to get. You take his hand a put something in it. He looks down to find a dirty penny in his hand. “A penny for your thoughts,” you smiled then turned to leave.

Steve laughs heartily. Extra extra credit for a horrible yet good sense of humor. He wasn’t ready to quit just yet and quickly approached you, walking by your side. You huffed then turned to him.

“What am I gonna have to do for you to leave me alone?” you spat.

“Ahh, so you are from Brooklyn,” he pointed at you.

You groaned and he almost awwed. “Listen, asshat, I will not hesitate to break that pretty nose of yours,” you threatened.

“You think my nose is pretty? That’s kinda weird, but I’ll take the compliment,” Steve smiled teasingly. “I think you’re pretty cute overall,” he stated.

You jump back a little when he drops that on you. Receiving compliments was scarce, especially ones about your looks from gorgeous men. A light blush slowly creeps onto your cheeks and for the first time that morning, you didn’t know how to respond.

“Alright how about I help ya?” Steve offered.

“Help me?”

“Yeah, you’re doing some project, right?” You nodded. “And you probably have no idea what to write.” Another nod. “Then I’ll help ya. I’ll be the Rosalind Franklin to your Weston and Crack.”

“It’s Watson and Crick,” you corrected.

“Uh-uh, no science talk,” he wagged his finger. “We don’t do that around here. This is holy ground and we only speak in the language of the arts.”

You roll your eyes at him, but don’t say anything to deny his offer. He was right. You were probably going to fail this project if he didn’t help you. So why not just take it? If he made a move, you could just kick him in the balls and make a run for it.

You sighed. “Fine, I’ll let you help me.”

Steve beams when you accept and you couldn’t help but smile just a little. “Great let’s go.” He motions you to follow.

“Woah, woah, woah,” you stopped him. “You don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing.”

“Right,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Mind explaining?”

“So I have to look at three works of art in this place and write how I feel about it,” you informed. “My professor gave us a list of things that are the most famous. I already have two. So I guess we can just go to the next one on the list?”

“Sure,” he shrugs.

“Right, so next on the list is-uh…,” you glance over the paper in your hand. “The Death of Socrates.”

“Ah, a classic,” Steve says, walking down the hall.

“You know your way around here?” you asked, with your map in hand.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Do you work here or something?”

Steve shakes his head with a chuckle. “No, just a humble lover of the arts.”

Left at the end of the corridor and right at the next then walking straight down the hall brought you to the painting of the great philosopher Socrates.

“Oh, I’ve seen this before,” you pointed at it. “We talked about this in class.”

“Yeah? What did you talk about?”

“Dunno wasn’t listening,” you shrugged.

Steve turns slightly towards you with an incredulous look.

“Please don’t yell at me again,” you told him.

“I won’t, but you’re making it so hard not to,” he replied, turning his body back to the painting. “Now tell me, what period is this from?” You had to have at least caught that.

“Renaissance,” you took a jab. When all else fails it had to be the Renaissance.

“Wrong.” he deadpanned. “It’s Neoclassical.” As if you knew what that meant. “You’re hopeless,” he said. “You sure you’re not failing this class?”

“For your information, I have a high B,” you retorted, hands on your hips.

“Okay,” he said doubtfully. “Neoclassical refers to a period after the Baroque. It’s simpler in terms of its style while the one prior to this was extravagant in its technique. The best thing about this painting is that it’s the perfect statement of Neoclassical technique. The stark simplicity of their statues and the focus on Ancient Greek and Roman anatomy... ”

The guy goes on for what felt like hours and it all just goes through one ear and out the other. You quickly write down some important notes about the technique. Something to do with a focal point and the direction the natural eye would move. Blah blah blah.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah, I’m listening,” you replied, scribbling down words onto a notebook. He takes the book from your hands. “Hey!”

“You’ll learn better if you listen with all your attention. Bet you when you get home, you’re not gonna understand any of this.” He said, shaking the notebook in his hand. You yanked the notebook from his hand but listened.

“So as I was saying,” he continued, making you huff and cross your arms. “Notice how muted the colors are towards the outside of the painting and how it becomes more vibrant in the center. And why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, “Cause he’s in the middle?”

“Exactly,” he grins. “And why is that so important?”

The look in your eyes is blank and said: you’re asking too much of me . Steve sighs then pointed at the painting with emphasis. “Don’t you see it?”

“I wouldn’t be asking you for help if I did,” you snapped.

“Socrates is the subject-matter. This entire painting is about his death.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

He ignores your sassy remark and continues. “Look at everyone else. They’re distraught. Broken-hearted that their beloved teacher is being forced to poison himself just because his beliefs differ from the rest of Athens,” he explained. “But look at Socrates. He stands tall. He’s not afraid of dying. Cause he knows he’s dying for what he thinks is right. He takes it as an honor. When everyone else around him is falling, he’s still strong in the face of death.”

“Man, you’re really good at this.”

Steve hunches over with a sigh. “You haven’t listened to a word I just said, did you?”

“I did!” you assured, turning back to the painting. “I think it brings about the question. How far are you willing to go for what you believe in? Even if it brought you to death, would you still stick to it?”

Steve laughs with a shake of the head. Your brows furrow in confusion.

“Was I wrong?” you inquired.

“No,” he chuckled. “It’s just I wasn’t expecting so much from you. You caught me off guard there.”

“Jerk,” you murmured, writing a few words into your notebook for memory. You clicked the top of your pen with a satisfied smile. It was finally time to go home.

“So about that coffee?” Steve recalled with a wickedly handsome grin.

You groan internally, forgetting he was right there. Now it was time for an escape.

“Oh my god! Look!” you exclaimed, pointing behind him. He turns to look and finds nothing.

“I don’t see anything,” he shakes his head. He turns towards you or where you were supposed to be. All he found was a figure of dust and you halfway across the room. He could’ve caught up to you, but this time he decided to let you go. He chuckles to himself. She’s cute. She’s really cute.

TAGLIST

@scuzmunkie @achishisha @rootcrop

A/N: Hi! If you want to be tagged pls ask or msg me. This is a sideblog so I can’t reply :( but if you do it’s fine! I just won’t reply!

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #mob!steve #steve rogers #mafia!steve #mafia steve rogers x reader

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swearronchanel · 6 years ago

Text

7.09🎄🌟

Comments on the Call The Midwife Christmas special! *proceed with caution*

Here we gooo

aw Lucille hey

That’s a cute baby 😭

You right Jenny Lee, if only I had a damn map of life lmao

SPACE ELVES LMAO

Reggie!!! My harrrt

That paint probably is pure lead sjskks

Vi’s hair is rough

LMAO who is this old woman she is annoying already

go home shelgah is the new go home roger (if you know you know!! Lol from the show Sister, Sister)

ROCKIN AROUNDDDD THE CHRISTMAS TREEE

new car in this bitchhh

shealgh’s yellow scarf and coat is cute af

AW TEDDY

TRIXIE MY QUEEN!! SHSJKS SHE HAS RETURNED THE SHOW CAN GO ON

!!! THAT WILL BE ME IN 12 DAYS ARRIVING IN LONDON !!!!

the babs pic :(

their tree tho😍

Sister MJ annoyed to have to walk is a big mood

“our work is here” wow this is sad already

Phyllis already knows there’s something sus going on

“They gonna see everything you got” LMFAO LUCILLE

THE QUEEN OF POPLAR IS HOME

wow just kidding 😂😂

omg the Asian babies are so adorable

but what is up grandma from Balto

NOTHING TO DECLARE BUT MY ANNOYANCE LMFAO OK ME AGAIN AT THE UK CUSTOMS

mama bear phyllis😭😭

sister MJ is like listen I’m the sweets and candy queen here back up

HERE SHE IS

BEATRIX IS HOME💖💖

PUCCI?! HONEY GOT SHMONEYYY

omfg my heart MAMA PHYLLIS BATHING THEM

babs sweater omg 😢 I’m crying already

Phyllis omg stop Fuck my heart

PATSY AND DELIA IN SCOTLAND

GARBO OMG LIKE GRETA GARBO she was famous and famously gay I see what they did there najsksk amazing

SISTER MJ FAKING AGAIN LMAOO??

oh shit morphine maybe not faking then lol that can f*ck u up 😂

Fred our pure ridiculous angel

Omg stop sister MJ 😭😭 when she dies it’s over man

Didn’t think the mother house would be by the beach/sea

My mom just made a funny ass remark but it’s kinda mean I shant say

OH SHIT SHES GONNA CRASH

who is that woman tho?

LMAO sister Mildred is like sister E I’m kinda vibing with it 😂 but if she comes for Phyllis then I will have a problem

Sister J just SNAPPED 💀 she is not leaving poplar and that’s that !!

Omg this kid looks like my little cousin

My gal is already back at work!! grinding all day let’s get this bread

Ok I feel their annoyance but it’s true hospitals have a lot of upsides

like number one there are doctors there lmao

oh no😭😭 why is the kid left alone? that’s not fair 😭

YOU’D GO UP LIKE A BOMB FIRE SJSKKS VI IS RIGHT

Aw the little angels (lowkey reminds me of the best Christmas pageant ever LMAO again if u know, u know)

Trix’s coat!! A damn look

A damn BELL?? holy sh*t this convent is like a prison

sorry @ God but I would never

Fred wants to gather the orphans gifts omfg he is SOFT <3

Aw Mother Jesu (but also I don’t know what I imagined her as but this lady isn’t it)

Sister J will not go bc we would riot

*throws to ground* I felt that

APPALLING MUSIC LMAO SHELAGH IT’S CALLED HAVING TASTE

it’s prob the stones I bet

Lucille looks so CUTE love the fit

Lucille and sister MJ together is always a sweet moment

The Turner’s new car is fire I love the color

Shelagh’s pink scarf is cute too, she got the whole rainbow. She has to make up for all the lost years of not being able to dress lol

ok but I have to say the three shades of pink is bothering me, looking like a Scottish pepto bottle (or peppa pig😂)

AW FETUS SHELAGH/SISTER B

📢📢📢 just bc she wants it doesn’t mean it’s right 📢📢📢

Another Mavis wow can they stop recycling names already Lmaoo sheesh it’s not that hard

throw a Gabby in the mix, or matter of fact cast me (imagine LMAO)

This is so sad omg, the little girl watching the others be adopted I can’t 😭😭

Ok sister winnie we see u with some vocals!

Oh shit TB yikess

“Sometimes love is not enough” ouch that shit ‘hurted’ :(

Oo k trixie 😍 we see u

sweetie was in Paris Yass as she should (but lol love how they ignore the fact she left bc she relapsed)

PHOTOGRAPHIC NEGATIVE LMFAO VALERIE STOP

trixie running in her dress and stockings I can’t lmaoo but we love a fashionable midwife but imagine how gross her feet will be through those sheer nylons

not at all relevant but I remember tipsy-ly walking around the Brooklyn bridge barefoot after my hs prom and my feet looked like charcoal after 💀💀😂

SHE’S PUSHING STANDING UP???

My sister in law is cringing bc she’s currently 7 months pregnant and is imagining giving birth outside on the street

the Beverly sisters with rubber gloves 😂

Well that dress is ruined trixie 😂

How do they make those umbilical cords look so real?

the Barbara name tag😭

“It’s only a dress...” character growth ok, Beatrix has grown up 😢

I keep saying but I really can’t if shelagh adopts May

What is up with this pregnant lady who spooks like a dear?? (My sister in law said that lol)

no way she remembers something from 2 years old

SHELAGH IN BLUE SLACKS?? YES A LOOK OK

Glad she finally is in pants tho lol, serving Laura Petrie looks

📢📢Everyone has a story.. 📢📢

My mom just said she wants those vintage tree icicles 😂

It’s been real sister W but bye bye

LMAO WAIT SHE SNAPPED

I remember reading that she was leaving so I’m not surprised

“I feel called to stay here and I don’t care who’s calling me” OK SIS !!! 📢 TELL EM

“Is your knocked elastic gone?”LMFAO aka don’t get your panties in a twistttt

A donkey I’m weakkkk

Patrick gave him Tim’s tree aww

LMAO Tim is pissed

This damn donkey lmaoo this is funny

ofc he likes candy😂

Shelagh and Sister J delivering a baby! This is pure

They said clever girl so take a shot

Another boy today!

LMFAO FRED AND REGGIE SCHEMING

It’ll be crazy fr if shelagh takes this little girl home, she’s already got two kids she doesn’t watch 😂

I’m triggered when I watch elections, takes me back to that horrible day in 2016..

Shelagh and sister J on the beach <3

BURGUNDY SLACKS YAS SHELAGH shawty got 2 pairssss

SECRET CIGS LMFAO OMG I LOVE THISSSS

Patrick can mind his damn business ok

They’re bonding over smoking and I love IT

THE INTENSE ASS MUSIC

IM NERVOUS WTF

SISTER JULIENNE CRYING OMG MY HEARR

SISTER MILDRED TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM THANK U LORDT

BEATRIX SERVING 60s DREAM LOOKS 😍 why doesn’t my hair look like that?

I’m also lowkey sad at the lack of Phyllis in this ep

ANGELA SPOKE HOLY SHIT IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

THEY FOUND BILLY OMFG ANOTHER CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

“You come home with me” BYE MY EYES ARE SWEATING

Trixie looks so damn good & her hug with sister Winnie was cute

the Turner’s are now that family in “in takes two” who they say collected kids 😂😂

This is so cute but I can’t believe it!! And then their were 5 Turner’s!

Neal as one of the 3 kings I am a mess

Vanessa Redgrave PLS chill I can’t I’m shedding caucasian tears 😭😭

LUCILLE HAS A BOYFRIEND??

OMG NO SHE BROUGHT THE CHURCH 🥰🥰🥰

Val is also serving a look!

STOP NOW IM CRYING FR FR

HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SINGGGGGG

I LOVE THE CHOIR UGHH

EVEN PHYLLIS SINGING <3

“we share the shift from darkness into light..” 😭😭❤️❤️ UGH MY HEART

That was so good I can’t wait to be able to watch season 8 in real time next month in LONDON!!

#call the midwife #i'm bad at this #it's all for fun #commentary

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welovekpopscenarios · 6 years ago

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Friction Pt. 3 (Fallout!AU Woozi X Reader)

Admin: Mimi

The truth is revealed.

Fandom: Seventeen

Genre: Angst, fluff

Pairing: Woozi x Reader

Warnings: Language, mentions of violence/death

Word Count: 5152

A/N: gUESS WHOSE LAPTOP FINALLY GOT FIXED AND COULD FINALLY FINISH THE LAST PART OF THIS STORY AFTER NEARLY A YEAR?? THIS GIRL OMG I’m so sorry for the wait and this probably isn’t even that good but taKE IT PLS

- PART 1 - - PART 2 -

It was funny how visiting Woozi everyday after work despite your apparent distaste for the mechanic became such a vital part of your day and one you refused to miss.

Well, Jeonghan, Scoups, Hoshi, Jackson (especially Jackson) and virtually everyone else who was privy to the ongoing bitter quarrels between yourself and Woozi found it downright hilarious, which of course meant the entire city obviously knew. And you could honestly say, you weren’t really amused.

Traversing through the clustered city to get to his workshop was full of knowing faces and smirks, the occasional holler from a close friend of his (particularly Hoshi and Seungkwan), and it left you with a face as hot as the torches on the walls and in a slight sour mood once you sat down next Woozi at his workbench and watched him idly tinker away at your rifle.

Not that Woozi noticed much of a shift in your behaviour – quite frankly he was used to your scowls and tight-lipped words. And despite his cheek and quick witted words that caused annoyance to wash over you, he never actually made any real attempt at getting you out of the workshop and away from him anymore.

There was something comforting in watching his slim fingers work their magic – repairing and taking apart, pulling and pushing, it was oddly mesmerising, and you spent more time watching with lidded eyes, resting your head on your arms and stuck in a daze of just Woozi. The man in question simply carried on with his work, his dark eyes occasionally flickering in your direction, lingering a bit too long when he thinks you aren’t looking, and replying when he needs to. He doesn’t ask about why the rifle is so important to you. You don’t tell him either.

And so, your days consist of idle conversation and comfortable silence with the mechanic, and once the strange peace of the workshop has to end and you return to your job at the Dugout Inn, it turns to dodging Jackson’s questions of when you’ll marry Woozi and helping Shownu throw out the occasional rowdy drunk waving his pistol around, all the while ignoring Jeonghan’s sly smirk at your flustered state when someone mentions how Woozi favours you more than half the people in this city.

You elect to ignore the disappointed feeling brewing in the pit of your stomach while you lie down on your squeaky bed when you think about how conversation with Woozi doesn’t really go anywhere. You lie to yourself that that’s a good thing. But the frown on your face says otherwise when you pop another saved cap into your stash, reminding yourself that this is only a business deal, and that once your rifle is finished you’ll be on your merry way fighting for your life in the wasteland and away from everyone in this city.

It’s roughly four and half weeks since you first came to Diamond City when Woozi decides to ask the dreaded question you’ve kept buried under the sand. You had the day off, awarded to you by Jeonghan and Scoups after taking a fist to the face by some old crone when you served her drink and she decided she didn’t like the look of you. With a smile of guilt, you were allowed to spend the day as you liked for your hassle, and it seemed like you would be spending the day in your ratty bed nursing a bruise on your face, muscles pulled taut with the scowl on your face and making the pain even worse. The hag was stronger than she looked.

Instead of subjecting yourself to lying miserably on your mattress, staring at the peeling wallpaper and faded wood, and listening to Jackson pull jokes every two seconds about your face, you grabbed your jacket and headed out to the one place you were guaranteed peace and quiet.

The day was dull – overcast and grey, and there were whispers around the people of a possible incoming radiation storm which had you sighing in annoyance. You’ll be cooped up inside for hours with a mask beside you until it clears.

Without even saying hello once you reached his workshop, you pulled up the familiar box you’ve labelled your ‘chair’ and took your usual place, rolling an empty shotgun shell found on his workbench between your fingers and eyeing your rifle, in two halves but looking considerably better than it was.

“Hello to you too,” Woozi mumbled, not straying his attention away from the barrel of your gun. You replied quietly, the shotgun shell clinking against the metal of the workbench as you fiddled with it. After a moment of silence, Woozi looked up in curiosity. “You’re unusually quie- wait, what happened to your face?” His brows furrowed, and he moved closer for inspection, wincing in sympathy at the markings on your cheek.

“I didn’t think I was that ugly, but thanks Woozi. Ever the charmer,” you said sarcastically, and he gave a light tap to your leg. You huffed out a laugh. “Some woman punched me last night. I was given the day off to ‘recover my health’.”

A noise of understanding slipped out of his mouth. He raised his hands slowly towards your face, but stopped himself short of touching you, instead looking at you at the last second when he remembered what he was doing, a question written on his face and his ears tinged pink. With your breath caught in the confines of your chest, you gave the smallest nod, and Woozi continued.

His fingers, the pads rough and calloused from years of work, travelled the lightest and gentlest of paths along your cheeks, turning your head to the side to get a better view of your injury. His touch was so hesitant you almost didn’t feel it, wouldn’t believe he was actually touching you had your eyes been closed, but there he was, mapping out the lines of your face with such care all you could do was stare and wonder if this was the same Woozi who would knock you flat on your ass for moving something in his shop.

With slight reluctance he removed his hands and moved quickly back into his previous position, hunched over your gun and imagining the last 20 seconds didn’t happen. He cleared his throat, and it was enough to knock you out of the trance he had locked you in, that the rapid beating of your hear had seized your muscles in shock.

“Doesn’t seem as bad as you think. It’ll be fine in a few days. Just put some of Seokjin’s cream he makes on it and you should be good.” His voice was stiff, as was his body, and it left a strange bitter taste on the tip of your tongue. You swallowed.

“Yeah, that’s what Hoshi said too,” you nodded, more interested in picking at your nails than looking at Woozi. You laughed lightly, attempting to lighten the dense atmosphere that blanketed over you at the strange intimacy that occurred. “He even offered to buy me some, seeing as I’m trying to save my caps to pay you for fixing my rifle. Says every little helps, or something like that. He’s a little fool, he shouldn’t be spending caps on me.” Your heart warmed at Hoshi’s bright smile and kind eyes. And his incessant need to bring up how great Woozi was in every conversation you’ve had.

Woozi fell quiet and didn’t answer you immediately, instead focusing on a particularly finicky screw in the gun, and had his tongue poking out of his pink lips in a comical display of concentration, and you looked on in mild interest at the bead of sweat rolling down his temple. As always, his face was lined with oil and dirt, and yet it became a staple look for him. To see him without the grease would seem strange, unusual. He really was dedicated to his work.

When ten minutes of silence passed, and you expected him to say nothing for the rest of your visit, he opened his mouth to speak, tilting his head slightly in your direction but not quite focusing his black eyes on you. He set the stock of your gun down carefully.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” you joked, but he didn’t laugh. He didn’t even roll his eyes.

“Why is this rifle so important to you?”

You heart walloped into the pit of your stomach, and you became so cold despite the lingering heat hiding in the air. The drop of your expression probably would have been funny to watch, but neither of you were laughing at anything. Woozi didn’t want to meet your eyes but he did, and his eyes implored you to tell the truth.

You suppose you should have seen this coming, your desperation for having such a basic rifle mended had most people in Diamond City questioning it’s worth - some speculated it belonged to a wealthy ghoul, others joked and said you won it in a fist fight against a super mutant and that you longed to keep the trophy. Both were wrong, but you never bothered to answer, too busy swallowing down the bile rising up your throat and focusing on keeping your hands steady when handing over drinks to the patrons of the bar.

That still doesn’t prepare you for the one person you deem most worthy of hearing your horrible tale, doesn’t prepare you at all for his aloofness about the entire affair to dissipate and drag up that elephant’s proverbial carcass into his tiny workshop, making things seem so cramped and leaving you with a shortage of air in your chest. You stalled, coughed, did just about everything else, and left the room in silence as your mind raced.

“Look, I normally wouldn’t push you, because that’s dickish and it clearly bothers you,” he murmured, head down turned, but every so often his eyes would flit upwards to meet yours. “But, I have to know- to understand - why you’re so hell bent on fixing this gun of yours. I’d rather we both be straight forward with each other.” He hesitated. “A-And Wonho said we should always get these things off our chest.“

It was clear that Woozi was looking for an answer, be it today or another day, and you honestly don’t blame him. You’ve eluded him about the topic for long enough, and were rather rude to him in any of his attempts at delving deeper beneath the surface, quick to push and throw him off the cliff of your problems. It wasn’t like you weren’t aware of it. Even Hoshi (not quite) subtly warned that your incessant defensive remarks were really rubbing Woozi the wrong way (in a much less playful way than they were), and that the man in question only wanted to know you for, well, you. And no one ever wanted to before.

It scared you.

It scared you to let people in close, when you’ve lived a life of pushing them away and caring only about the skin on your back and when your next meal would be. So for someone, especially someone like Woozi, to show even the slightest interest in knowing more about you, both dark and bright parts of you, it frightened you to the point where your fight or flight senses activated and waged war on your body instead of giving him a clear answer.

He tinkered away with your weapon, the rust and grime from years of use stained his gloves, and his face remained carefully blank. All you could hear was the tinkling of metal, the bustle of the main square, and the pounding of your heart in your fragile chest. But after moments of seemingly deafening silence apart from the echo of the moving world, your lips parted, mouth as dry as the barren trees in the wasteland.

“It was my dad’s.”

Slowly, his fingers stopped their movements, and he simply sat there. You watched with idle interest the way his chest moved as he breathed, even and steady, sturdy despite his small frame, anything to distract you and keep you rooted to the spot. Your feet itched to sprint from the scene and never return. You almost made good on that feeling.

He never lifted his head from your weapon, and anyone passing by could have mistaken him for one of those statues you remember seeing in some fancy pre-war household that was much too luxurious for your blood. He said not a word, made no judgement, but you felt the need to elaborate regardless, nerves eating away at your skin.

“He, uhm, he was- we were…I mean, there was these bandits, and they…well I, uhm, he-”

“Take a deep breath. You don’t have to rush.” His words rushed over you like a smooth wave, his baritone voices sending your anxiety away bit by bit, much like a stream on a spring afternoon - not forceful but firm, strong. His words sounded much like an exit, a metaphorical ‘Come Back Tomorrow!” sign flashing in your head, warning you that this was your chance to run, but once you started you couldn’t (wouldn’t) stop. So, you followed his instructions.

“It was always just my dad and I,” you began, shaking fingers twiddling with the frayed ends of your sleeves. It irked you slightly that Woozi still had not looked in your direction. “My mom died when I was little, so I don’t really remember her. But my dad raised me, and we’ve been on the move all my life. We went from DC to the Commonwealth, all over the area. We had each others back.

“But one night, a year or two ago, the office building we were hold up in filled up with bandits while we were sleeping. My dad woke me and told me we needed to get out of there fast. I was trying to gather up my stuff as fast as possible, but I wasn’t fast enough. Dad-” your throat closed up at the memory, but you forced yourself to keep going.

“Dad just promised he’d be right behind me, and told me to sneak out of the windows as quickly as I could. I waited in a nearby building for hours until I saw all the bandits clear out, and waited a few more for the dad to come out and tell me everything was alright. He…never came. I went back into the office building to look for him but he was already…I grabbed his rifle and his bag and I never went back.”

It was strange, how recalling a story that made you cry for months on end at just a single thought of it to someone who is virtually a stranger, someone who loves to antagonise you just for a laugh, could make that dead weight hiding in the pit of your gut ease up, even in just the slightest, for a moment, and you relished in the feeling of breathing without restriction.

There was a pregnant silence in the wake of this revelation, and you took the time to reign in your emotions and recollect your thoughts. You awaited judgement. You waited for a snide remark on how you acted like a stupid child, how you should have done things differently. Woozi broke the silence.

“When I was 15 my mom died trying to save me from a bunch of ghouls, and I’ve been blaming myself ever since.”

You really did not expect this to ever leave his lips, a similar tale of heartbreak to your own that made you realise you were more kindred spirits than you were initially willing to admit. Before you could kickstart your brain and say something, he continued.

“We were in one of those underground tunnels looking for a place to stay away from the raiders and super mutants and whatever else kind of shit is out there. We were used to moving from place to place, so we figured we could handle the tunnels despite everyone telling us how dumb that idea was when the underground is infested with those freaks. And it worked, but I was the one to fuck up everything.”

His voice broke towards the end, and with it so did your heart. The lines on his face seemed more weary, more tragic than you thought they ever could, and your heart clenched at the familiarity of this kind of situation. You knew what was coming next.

“I was bored and started snooping around the tunnels like the idiot I am, knowing that there were ghouls everywhere. I knocked over a box in one of the booths and then suddenly they all came swarming towards us because of the sound. My mom- she grabbed my hand and we ran but…there was too many.” He grimaced bitterly. “She tried taking them all on her own. She told me to run and not look back. So I did. I ran, and ran, and ran, until I wound up here. And I’ve never gone back since.”

He looked up, then, and looked steadfast into your eyes. Beneath the sorrow swimming in his dark eyes, even further beneath the self-loathing, there was acceptance. There was strength.

“I know you might blame yourself for what happened to your dad. Trust me, I do. But what I’ve come to learn is that, parents, they’d do anything to keep their kids safe. So while everything that happened is awful, and you feel like shit, your dad wanted you to keep living for a reason,” his jaw clenched, and your eyes began to burn. “So don’t get lost in the past, like I was. Keep your head up, and keep walking forward.”

You stared on in awe, stomach churning and heart heavy. But at the back of your mind, you knew there was some truth to his words. He blames himself for the loss of his mother so badly, but he’s still carrying on, living life as it comes. And for that, you think he might be one of the bravest people you’ve ever met.

Your hand - shaking like a leaf in the wind - moved itself over his own resting atop the workbench, and squeezed. His eyes followed the movement, wide with wonder, and the lightest of blushes dusting his cheeks as his eyebrows slowly inched their way to his hairline.

You smiled - small and fragile, barely there but a smile nonetheless. “I’m sorry for everything, Woozi,” you whispered. His dark eyes flickered back to yours. “But, thank you. So much. I didn’t realise I needed to hear that until it was said. You are…you’re very brave, and I don’t think you give yourself enough credit for that.”

He shrugged awkwardly, coughed it off, up-righted himself and refocused on your father’s weapon, but still never moved his hand from beneath yours. The fingers twitched every few seconds, as if itching to hold yours but choosing to stay back. In the end, you made the decision for him on a whim, hoping he would not object, and maneuvered your hands so that you both held onto each other tightly. He made no objection.

“Again, thank you Woozi-”

“It’s Jihoon.”

You almost missed what he had said, the words uttered so silently that they would have floated away with the breeze to be long forgotten, but the rising blush heating his face told you otherwise. You smiled wider, more genuine this time, and when Wo-Jihoon, returned your gaze, his own special sort of smile crept onto his dirtied face, and his eyes crinkled in such away that made your stomach somersault faster than when you fell down a ravine in your younger years.

“Jihoon,” you murmured, testing the name on your tongue with heated cheeks. Jihoon looked shy, but pleased.

“I like that name.”

If anyone noticed the slight (more like drastic) change in attitudes both Woozi and yourself now had towards each other in the weeks following your conversation, no one, thankfully and surprisingly, decided to comment on it, even if you could see Hoshi itching to say whatever was on the tip of his tongue when he saw the both of you acting amicably with each other.

Even Jeonghan, who tried to subtly worm information out of you about Woozi’s sudden behaviour change and was met with elusive answers, backed off rather quickly after observing the mechanic and yourself quite extensively, making up some sort of resolution in his mind. What that was, you weren’t sure, and if that ever familiar, all-knowing smile on his face meant anything in particular, you really didn’t want to find out.

Conversation flowed more easily with Woozi now, yet you were still hesitant to say his name out loud, feeling that simple 6 letter name too intimate to whisper in a dingy workshop. But your daily trips no longer consisted of just check ups on your rifle and comfortable silence. Sure, the comfortable silence was nice after dealing with lunatics in the Dugout, at least 50% of them trying to kill you, the usual stuff, but now it became questions about what he likes, your opinions on a project he’s working on, reminiscing on old memories, talks of future ones, and it was...well it was better than you hoped.

You couldn’t pinpoint the moment when his bitter comments stopped feeling exactly what they were - bitter. Instead, they were even funny, a ploy to get a rise out of you and you enjoyed giving it right back to him, a sense of satisfaction spreading through all of your bones at his small smile, suppressing a grin you know would light his face up brighter than the sun, and it became your personal mission to get it to bloom on his oil stained face.

“You ok there?”

You turned your head to the left, attention diverted from drying the glass in your hand. Jackson sat on the counter, counting the caps earned from last night in the deposit box. He smiled when your eyes met his own, fingers twirling a Nuka-Cola cap idly between his slender fingers. It reminded you, oddly, of how Woozi would fidget with the random bolts on his counter top out of frustration.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” you countered. Jackson laughed and pointed to the glass in your hands.

“Well, you’ve been twisting your hand around in that glass with the cloth for about 5 minutes straight, staring at literally nothing and smiling weirdly. So excuse me if I assume you’ve been bitten by a bloatfly.”

Your face heats up, rushing to put the glass on the shelf and start drying a new one. He laughs some more, returning to the caps in his hands.

“Is it because of him?” he asks, and you play dumb.

“Because of who?” you reply airily, hearing Jackson tut quietly.

“Mr Mechanic, of course.” You scoff in response, and he rolls his eyes. “What else could that smile mean?”

“I was...farting,” you reply lamely, and it sends Jackson into a fit of laughter, your own joining his after a moment of reflection on how stupid that answer was.

“Charming,” he giggles, and would’ve said more had the door not burst open, waking a sleeping Shownu who rested in a chair next to it.

“Where’s my favourite person in the world?” a voice called, and it brought that smile back to your face. Hoshi appeared in your line of sight, a grand entrance to an otherwise empty lounge.

“I’m right here, darling,” Jackson sang, and Hoshi visibly cringed while Jackson chuckled.

“I meant my second favourite person, of course,” he sheepishly said.

“I believe that would be me, what can I help you with?” you smiled. He grinned in response, his beautiful eyes disappearing with his happy expression.

“I am delighted to announce that your rifle is all patched up and ready to go!”

The glass nearly slipped from your grasp, shock etched into your expression as you stared at him. It was finished? So you wouldn’t have to see Woozi anymore? The thought left an unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“It’s done? B-but...I don’t have the 500 yet, I still have a bit to go.”

Hoshi shook his head, reaching forward to direct you around the bar and towards the door.

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry! I promise you, it will work out.” You should have been more suspicious of the shit-eating grin plastered on his bubbly face, but with how distracted you were with the strange disappointment of not having a reason to see Woozi anymore, you failed to notice that Hoshi seemed to have some plan in motion.

“But I have to help at the bar-”

“Don’t worry about it, kid! I’m sure Hoshi will be happy to help me clean the Inn, isn’t that right?” Jackson beamed. Hoshi chuckled halfheartedly, still ushering you out of the pub.

“Yeah, I sure will Jackson,” he murmured, and with one final shove, he forced you out of the door, Shownu closing it with a light smile and a faint cry of ‘good luck!’ from Hoshi muffled by the steel.

You stared dumbfounded at the red door, but with no other option (seeing as you had just been temporarily barred from the place you live), you headed to Woozi’s workshop, the inevitable meeting, running through each possible outcome in your head as you walked through the city.

That same old sign came into view as you rounded the corner of Jin’s Office, and subconsciously your steps slowed as dread filled your system. It wasn’t like before, when you and Woozi would share childish insults that left you irked at even hearing his name. It wasn’t like that. It was similar to the dread of having to give up something precious to you, something you weren’t yet ready to let go. And that thought scared you, because when had Jihoon become that something special? That precious thing you wanted to latch onto, like you did with your rifle?

“Ah, there you are.”

You hadn’t even noticed you had reached the entrance to his shop, staring numbly back at him as he gazed at you with something akin to nervousness, though it left you wondering what for exactly.

“You called?”

He nodded, stood and turned, picking up something wrapped up in a ragged cloth and presenting it to you so carefully. Unfolding the cloth led you to your rifle, looking as perfect as the day you had it before it was destroyed, before it was torn to pieces to be put back together again, and it took your breath away.

You really shouldn’t have doubted him as you had in the beginning. You should have believed everyone when they said Woozi could make the unimaginable happen, because he truly, truly did. In more ways than you could admit. Your chest tightened with emotion the longer you looked at it, but it wasn’t until Woozi cleared his throat awkwardly were you knocked out of your reverie with eyes watery and shaking hands.

His gaze was fleeting, much too hesitant to linger on the strong emotion on your face but not harsh to completely disregard your state, so he simply grabbed one of your hands, so gently, and rested the rifle in your grip, curling your fingers around the neck with his own. It almost felt foreign, out of your hands for so long that the weight of it was almost unrecognisable, but it slotted into your palms so easily it couldn’t be anything but your father’s rifle.

“I-I...Woozi, I...I just..” you were at a loss for words, and he looked like he didn’t expect you to say any, settling for a small smile that made your heart clench and your stomach twist pleasantly. With a deep breath, you placed your weapon gently on the table, nodded your head lightly, and faced Woozi.

Before he could question your behaviour, you reached out and hugged him, holding his small frame close to yours, hugging so tightly you could hear him struggling to get a word out, yet you hugged him with everything you could, hoping to convey your gratitude as best you could.

“Thank you. So, so much, Jihoon. I just...thank you so much,” you whispered into the crook of his neck, and idly wondered if that was Woozi shivering or if your body was trying its best to keep the sobs at bay. Hesitantly, and with a touch as light as a feather, his arms wrapped around your body, and the warmth that came with it surprised you. It was unexpected, how comforting it was in this position with a man you would’ve spat at a mere few weeks ago, and yet here you are, finding more safety in his touch than with anything in your life since your father died.

With great reluctance, you pulled back, wiped embarrassingly at the tears gathering in the corners of your eyes while Woozi stood in a slightly shocked silence, fiddling with the edges of his shirt. It was then that you remembered your payment.

“Oh, uhm, I don’t have the 500 caps yet. I’m really sorry, I’m saving as much as I can, but I still have a bit until I reach the full lot, so I’ll understand if you want to hang onto the gun until I have your money-”

“Just pay me 200.”

Your rambling stopped, staring wide eyed at Woozi, who stood with cheeks dusted a rosy hue and a shy, minuscule smile on his visage. He looked like he was working up the courage to say something, chest heaving with each breath and lips parting only to close a second later, the odd sound leaving them in mumbles and frustrated tuts. He closed his eyes momentarily, inhaled, exhaled, opened his eyes, and spoke.

“You don’t owe me 500. With the work I’ve done on it, just 200 will do. You don’t have to save for anything anymore,” he explained. He paused, tongue peeking out to wet his lips, and with a darker blush spreading across his cheeks, he continued. “If you want to pay me more, you...you could go for a drink with me at the Inn, if you want.”

Your brows inched their way up your forehead, and yet, happiness and glee replaced the dread in the pit of your gut. You could feel your lips spreading into a large, bashful smile, and you didn’t care. The look on Woozi’s face was sending you to cloud nine faster than a blow from a Deathclaw ever could, timid but with hope swimming in his dark eyes.

“A drink at the Inn?” you repeated. You smiled, nodded, and Woozi deflated with relief, not quite suppressing the grin growing on his hardened face.

“That sounds great, Jihoon.”

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b0blegum · 7 years ago

Text

Why Am I Here? [two]

Author: b0blegum

Pairing: Patient!Shin Hoseok x Psychiatrist!Reader

Rating: R

Genre: Psychiathriller (and a lot of smutty romance too)

Status: ON GOING

TRAILER

Summary

He was once an excellent doctor. An excellent psychiatrist. Everyone loved him. He was nice, kind, always care for each other, he even got the look. We can say… he was the whole package. But his glorious days ended in just one night. The night he woke up as a patient in the asylum where he worked, with no memory of why he is there or what he has done.

You lied when you said being a doctor is what you wanted since you were a kid.” “No. I did want to be a doctor.” You shook your head as you sat behind your desk. Legs folded, bringing your knees close to your chin. “I did want to be a doctor. I always wanted to be a doctor.” You trembled.

Your eyes gazed onto all the Photographs spread out messily on your desk. All of those were photos of Shin Hoseok. The self of him before he did the act that left wounds on people’s hearts.

He was known for his kindness, his loves towards others and his patience. He used to be one of the famous psychiatrist in the institution where you currently worked. He had a lot of friends and no one seemed to hate him.

Funny seeing him now. Isolated behind a metal bar, restrained, being feared. No one would go near him anymore. No one would even said he was their friend. No one. Even his family never visited him.

“Morning, (y/n). You come early today.” The head nurse, Mrs. Park— or Nana, as called by other nurses and doctors, greeted you once you walked across the hallway, about to go to the doctors’ office.

“Good morning, Mrs. Park.” You greeted back. You weren’t comfortable yet to call her Nana, it might took some days for you to call her that. “Yeah, i don’t want to miss anything here.” You joked. “Oh, are you about to have a breakfast?” You asked, looking at the tray she had.

“I haven’t had my breakfast and sadly, i am not going to have one today.” She rolled her eyes. “You are the private psychiatrist for Mr. Shin, aren’t you?” You nodded, slowly.

“Great.” She smiled. “This is for him. I actually wanted to give this to him, like i always did, but since i met you—“

“Oh, sure. I’ll make sure to give him his breakfast.” You took over the tray. “I’m heading to his room anyway.”

“You’re so nice, dear. Thank you so much.” She smiled before she patted your shoulder and walked off.

Visiting your office first, you grabbed couple of things before you made your way to Hoseok’s room.

Hyunwoo, the guard, was already there. Standing in front of the metal door. “Morning, Hyunwoo.” You greeted. He smiled before unlocking the door for you. “Thank you.” You mouthed as you walked in.

Hoseok was seated at the edge of his bed. His forearms rested on his thighs with one wrist handcuffed to the bed’s iron frame. He had his eyes locked on the floor but shifted his eyes immediately to your direction once the door swung opened.

“Morning.” He greeted.

“Morning, Mr. Shin.” You walked to him.

“You bring me breakfast now?” He didn’t smile, but you could feel a bit of excitement in his voice.

“Only today.” You corrected.

He stood up and towered in front of you. Instinctively, you took a step back and didn’t realise you just hit the table behind. He took a step closer to you.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you.” He said, calmly. “I’m just hungry.” His eyes darted to the tray on your hands.

“Oh– right,”

“But i could be quite dangerous when hungry, didn’t they tell you that?“ your eyes quickly found his pair and you took another step back. You knew the guy couldn’t take another step closer because the chain of his handcuff was too short, but still.

He chuckled at your reaction. “I was joking.” He looked at you. “Now... my food?”

You handed him his food. He put it on bed, on his side and began to eat it slowly.

“Will you always give me morning session?” He asked as he was chewing.

“No.” You looked at the map on your hand, with his name written on the front.

“I hate morning session. I just got up and being questioned. How great is that?” He downed the soup.

“People most likely to say the truth in the morning.” You said, throwing the map to the desk. “You were a psychiatrist, you should know that.”

“I know, but now that i was accused doing horrible thing and admitted here, it’s just not humane,” he said, shoving the tray under his bed.

Your eyes squinted and looked at him. “Accused,”

“Well, i didn’t do anything, but they kept saying i did everything. Crazy.” He said.

“Let’s start your session, Mr. Shin.” You flipped the cover of the map opened, revealing squared pictures. You could hear him sighing. “Tell me about this one.” You shifted one picture closer to him.

“What do you want me to say?” He looked at you instead.

“Just described how you feel about this picture.”

“Ms. (Y/l/n).” He crossed his arms on his chest. “We both know the answer to any of these pictures.”

“Just tell me what do you see in this picture, Mr. Shin.” You demanded. “I see it’s facing up.” He answered forcefully.

“Good. Next,” you took the picture and changed it with another one. “How about this one? What do you see, Mr. Shin?”

“I see nothing— Ms. (y/l/n). Come on. I know too well how Rorschach test works and i can guarantee you, you will not get the result of what you wanted.” He looked away.

“And will you tell me why will i not get the result i wanted?” You leaned closer to the desk.

“Because i didn’t fucking do anything that night. Alright? I don’t have a psycho way of thinking and doing this test will reveal that i am not currently under any mental condition. I’ve done this several times with previous psychiatrist and all turned out the same—“

“It’s because you lied.” You cut him.

“I didn’t fucking lying! I told the truth! I didn’t even do anything that night, God!”

“Then why else would you be locked in here if you really didn’t do anything Mr. Shin?”

“Listen. I– i didn’t know what actually happen, alright? I was unconscious, i– i, i felt someone’s taking me to a dark place and– and the next thing i knew, i woke up in this place.” He explained, desperately.

“Yeah. I’ve heard that story before. Mrs. Lincoln told me this would happen.” You took a note on your book.

“Oh my God.” He sighed as he leaned back to the wall. “She is the one who’s insane. She kept sending me psychiatrist, alright? She kept saying that i am a psychopath when the truth is i—“

“You are.” You cut him. He mouthed a what. “You are, Mr. Shin.” You made it clear. “Why else would a normal person killed five innocent people and skinned them and stored them in a styrofoam box?”

“Okay, here we go with this amazing story.” He rolled his eyes. “Tell me what else did she tell you? I ate their flesh, too?”

“Alright, Mr. Shin. Enough with that. Let’s get back to the test.” You tapped the picture with your pen.

“Do you really believe what she told you?” Ignoring his words, you kept tapping the picture. “Tell me. Do you really believe it? Do you believe i did all that by myself? In one night? It doesn’t even make sense at the first place. Do you really believe that?”

Silence. You leaned back and sighed.

“Yes. I do believe in her story and i do know that psychopaths are able to do all that in one night. Alone.” You said.

“So, you really do think i am a psychopath?” He asked. “Then why bother asking me to do this fucking test?” He stood up and threw a powerful fist on the metal desk, startling you. “Why fucking ask me to do this if you were so sure i am a psychopath?” He shouted. “Why?” He shouted louder.

You saw his knuckle reddened and there was a fresh bruise from hitting the metal desk.

In no time, Hyunwoo came in and rushed to Hoseok, forcefully putting him on his bed and injected him with something.

You saw Hoseok calmed down in just seconds. He blinked slowly as he crunched his nose. He could feel the substance flowing through his system. It made him feel weak, sleepy, made his head felt heavier and soon, he drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

“He could be doing something terrible if i didn’t come in just at the right time.” Hyunwoo smiled at you as he left the poor Hoseok laid on his bed, leaned on his side with legs hanged down and hand still cuffed. “Thank you so much.” You smiled.

“Please, don’t kill me. Please.” A girl begged and sobbed as she crawled back until her back touched the wall behind.

The man towering in front of her licked his lips before he squatted down and cupped the girl’s jaw. He traced down the girl’s cheek with a sharp knife.

“Please. Please, don’t kill me.” She begged. Tears rivered down her cheeks. The man ignored her fully and began tracing his knife further down to her stomach. “Plea—se,” she sobbed. “Pl—“

Her sobs turned into a hopeless, weak groan as the cold sharp object ripped the skin of her small figure. Tortured her from the inside. She could felt her flesh froze cold being in contact with the object and soon enough she lost her consciousness. “Please!” You shouted. You sat up from your sleep in abrupt. You were covered in cold sweat, making he t-shirt you wore to sleep sticked on your figure. “God.” You covered your face, buried them tightly in your palms.

<< PREV | NEXT >>

a/n here goes chapter 2! How was it? Do you enjoy reading it? Got your emotion stirred up? Oh, by the way, i am not a Psychology student so... i am sorry, if i was wrong about the Rorschach test. I only did read about it on google, so no proper education about it ehe.

Anyway, thank you for reading, don’t forget to share this story if you like it and share how do you think about it!

♡, b0blegum.

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toglidethroughlife · 7 years ago

Text

Draw me like one of your French girls

Pairing: Kenji x F!MC (Alex)

Category: Fluff/Humor

Summary: Coffee shop AU in which Alex can’t help but sketch her cute coffee shop crush and— wait, is he posing for her?

A/N: Dedicating this to @kenjkats because I’ve been a horrible tease lol. (Thank you ko na rin to for doing my request hehe, salamat bb!

Also tagging the awesome @maxattack-powell for encouraging this silly piece. I hope you guys like this! :)

—

On Wednesdays, Alex likes to have lunch at the coffee shop.

Things are pretty busy at the office with The Grand’s reopening, so she loves to steal some time alone whenever she can, using the time to relax and refocus her goals for the week.

She loves winding down with a few sketches here and there while she eats, the cafe almost calmingly serene, her window-side seat providing her plenty of inspiration.

Sometimes it’s the tree on the corner of the street, its leaves a bright shade of green. Sometimes it’s the cat that keeps visiting the cafe at that hour, napping and ducking out of the high sun. Sometimes it’s the old couple that passes by occasionally, hands linked together, small smiles on their faces.

Today, it’s dark hair and chiseled features that inspire her, the handsome new face in the cafe catching her eye.

This isn’t the first time she’s noticed him — no, if she’s being honest with herself, he’s been on her radar for a while, always sitting a few tables in front of her, granting her easy access to all his red jacket-ed, smirking glory.

He always had that on, she noticed. The subtlest hint of a smirk on his lips, his head cocked a certain angle.

He must think a lot of himself, she thinks as she tries to capture his smirk on paper, her mind unintentionally recalling all the times he’d thrown that half-smile, half-smirk at the waitresses serving him.

… not that she’d been paying attention.

No, she’s just observant.

She steals another glance at him and thinks about how she couldn’t really blame him, her pencil tilted as she shades in the last of his lips.

The man has a good smile, she thinks, an almost alluring quality to it, the slightest hint of a challenge behind them.

Alex comes to a stop, her fingers tightening around her pencil, the realization that she’d just finished a full portrait of a complete stranger bringing a confused furrow to her brow.

She impulsively tears the sheet out of her notebook, contemplating what to do with it.

Her phone’s ringing shakes her out of her thoughts.

“Where the hell are you?!” Marjorie’s voice blares in her ear. “Grayson needs you.”

Oh… crap.

She scrambles as she realizes the time, sloppily arranging her things as she bids Marjorie goodbye, shoving her planner, her notes, and her sketches together on her left arm, her bag slung on her right.

In her rush, she almost bumps into the waitress coming up on her right, avoiding her by a few inches… only to hit smack against someone’s arm on her left.

She doesn’t even really see how it happens; just hears the sound of her notebooks hitting the floor with a thud.

Shit.

Alex scrambles to collect her things, the man in front of her bending down to help her.

She almost gets a heart attack when she sees who it is.

His grey eyes meet hers and his lips curl into a soft smile — not a smirk, she notes — the image a tempting sight to get lost in.

“Thanks,” she manages to say, unable to break eye contact as she accepts her papers, her fingers a strange mess of nerves.

“You’re welcome,” he says as they both stand, his hand lingering on the sheets of paper.

He drops them with an sheepish grin, his hand flying to the back of his neck.

She finds herself returning the smile before ducking her head down as she bids him goodbye, clutching tightly onto her things as her mind begins replaying the events of the last fifteen minutes.

—

“IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING, OH MY GOOOOD,” Alex screams, hiding her face in one of Poppy’s throw pillows.

Poppy laughs, pulling the pillow from Alex, tucking it in her own lap instead.

They were chilling in her apartment, wine glasses now almost empty after Alex had told her about her afternoon.

“Let me get this straight. You have a crush on this guy in the cafe, who you’ve been seeing for weeks now, but you two have never talked, and yet somehow you know that he has the most beautiful grey eyes and you just had to draw them…

“Right, not creepy at all.”

Alex steals her pillow back, lightly smacking it against her friend as she does.

“I’m not crushing on him!” Alex points out defensively. “I just… think he’s cute.”

“So cute that you just had to bump into him,” she winks.

“You’re not helping!” Alex groans in frustration, leaning back against the couch.

Poppy laughs teasingly, scooting closer to her friend. “Okay, okay. Fine. Can I see your crazy stalker sketch, at least? I wanna see these enchanting grey eyes of yours.”

Alex scowls at her — which just makes Poppy laugh some more — before reaching for her bag.

Her pulse races as she goes through her things — opening up her notebooks, going through loose sheets — the very specific sketch she was looking for nowhere to be found.

“Are you okay?” Poppy asks, and Alex’s eyes fill with dread at the realization that it’s nowhere in her bag.

No. Freaking. Way.

—

Alex returns to the coffee shop next Wednesday, wary as she walks through the glass doors.

Her eyes immediately dart to her usual seat, relief rushing through her as she takes in the lack of red leather jackets in the cafe. She tells herself to ignore the sliver of disappointment threatening to peek through, settling into her seat with her usual coffee and sandwich.

She pulls out her notebook and finds herself staring at the jagged remains of her missing notebook page, her eyes doing another quick scan across the room, landing inevitably on the pair of grey ones who’ve just entered the cafe.

Her breath catches and his smile softens, the knowing glint in his eye scaring her a bit as he turns to the counter to order.

She quickly averts her gaze, turning back to the blank sheet in front of her.

Alex, relax.

He comes here every week like you do. Today is no different.

Chill.

She takes a deep breath and exhales, the red-jacketed man coming into her peripheral vision as he takes a seat at his usual spot, two tables in front of her.

Again, this is normal, she tells herself, taking a bite out of her sandwich and chewing fast, the idea of returning to her office desk suddenly more attractive.

She’s just about done with her meal when she catches a glimpse of him, his face turned towards the window, eyes closed as if to drink in the sunlight.

Uh… what?

The sunlight hits his features beautifully, touching the planes of his face, the bridge of his nose, the corners of his mouth which have turned up ever so slightly. His eyes open and he looks at her dead on, not even the least bit surprised to find her looking at him, a challenging smirk spreading wide on his lips.

He turns his head to the side once more, bringing his hand up so that his chin rests on his palm, staring out the window while his laptop sits in front of him, his expression “seemingly” deep in thought.

Alex’s eyebrows knit together.

Is he… posing?

… Huh.

Okay. I’ll bite.

She flips to a clean sheet on her notebook, thoughtful as she maps out his features on paper, subsequently biting her lips as an idea pops into her head.

It doesn’t take long before she thinks she’s got a decent enough sketch to show him, tearing out the sheet from her notebook.

She stands before she can second-guess herself, the look of utter surprise on his face doing wonders for her ego.

Alright, smirky boy. Let’s see what you’ve got.

He’s recovered past his flustered state when she reaches his table, casually inviting her to sit down with a slight nod of his head.

“I believe you have something that belongs to me,” she starts as soon as she’s seated, hopeful that her voice doesn’t start cracking. “I’m here to ask for it back.”

She bites back a satisfied grin when he doesn’t deny having it.

“Straight to the point, huh? I like that.“

He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out what is unmistakably a sheet from her notebook, now neatly folded into an eighth of its size.

Its corners show signs of wear, but the neat way it’s been folded tells her it’s been cared for by its new keeper.

Interesting.

"So,” his voice brings her attention back to his face. “What do I get in return?”

She quirks an eyebrow in amusement, lips pursed as she gages what to make of his tone. “Excuse me?”

"It is my face, after all. I feel like I should get something in return.”

She notices him eyeing the folded sheet in her hand, curiosity piqued.

She leans in and brings the sketch between them, offering it to him.

He accepts, not once breaking eye contact as his hands unfold the sketch, smirking before his eyes dart down.

Alex watches the smirk fall off his face.

The sketch shows a toonier version of him, a smirk on his lips as he admires his reflection on the window, eyes gazing appreciatively. There are three bubbles on the upper right side of his head, five words written inside them.

“Damn. Lookin’ good today, eh?”

Alex is almost worried until he bursts out laughing, one hand flying up to cover his face.

“Okay, I deserve this,” he admits, chuckling still as he looks at the drawing. “You even got my good side,” he hums appreciatively. “My jawline looks sharp.”

Alex watches him laugh with amusement, trying to decide if he’s being cute or a little nuts.

How is it that he’s even more attractive right now?!

He looks up from the sheet with delighted eyes.

“Here,” he says, returning Alex’s original sketch to her. “I gotta admit, I was a little worried you were ignoring me earlier. You were very, um, focused on your sandwich.”

“Ha,” she laughs nervously. “Right. It was, uh, a good sandwich.”

Their eyes meet and they’re both silent for a minute, slow smiles spreading on their faces.

“Got any room left for dessert?” he asks, fingers fidgeting with the sketch in his hand. “I hear this place makes an excellent molten lava cake.”

He flashes her a charismatic grin. “On me, of course.”

Alex feigns suspicion, but his eyes squint with delight, beaming at her. “Is this your reward for returning my sketch? If so, I’m pretty sure I’m the one who should be paying.”

He laughs, leaning in slightly. “Nah, I’d say your company’s the real reward here.”

Alex feels her cheeks flushing before they both break into chuckles, heads ducking down before they both meet again.

“You’re not one for subtlety, are you?” Alex asks.

He grins at her brightly. “I don’t like leaving good things to chance.”

His gaze holds hers in place, a tinge of sincerity behind his cheesy line.

“So, how about that cake?”

Alex smiles. “Sure. But I don’t share cake with strangers.” She extends her hand out to him. “I’m Alex.”

She doesn’t miss how his smile grows with relief.

“Kenji. Kenji Katsaros.”

#playchoices #playchoices fanfic #kenji katsaros #kenji x mc #choices hero #i'm crying i finally finished it huhuhu #my fic

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saniika · 7 years ago

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Are you still taking Red prompts? I am curious how you'd write "The hunter murders the grandmother and claims a wolf did it. Red knows the truth but no one believes her." -> Mila, Georgi.

Rating: E - triggers: please check out the tags and warnings on AO3. Many - horror.

Beta @narcissuspseudonarcissus (they are so good, I can’t believe it, see their work pls!)

Commit your crime in your deadly time

“Lilia, Lilia, please!”

The nun tried to push away the young woman away gently at first, but the more she kissed her hand, the harsher she had to be. If she didn’t contain the captive in the cell in a composed manner, the guards would come, hearing the commotion. Sister Lilia did not it like when they came in to establish order.

Order they called it. Filthy excuse, hiding evil deeds. Sister Lilia was lucky that she was under the protection of her habit. It was most likely the only thing that kept them away. The guards of cardinal Feltsman were horrible creatures, capable of such deeds that Sister Lilia doubted if they were human. No soldiers in the country were as ruthless as them and no one really knew what responsibilities their work entailed. Something told her that it was the reason why they were allowed so much and why their blatant transgressions were ignored so easily.

“I beg you, oh god I beg you! Oh god, please…!!! Please, please!” the woman hung on her arm and kissed her fingers, staining it with tears and snot. She was a complete mess, completely frantic, begging with her whole body not to leave her side. Her state was rather poor; a rough, linen tunic covered her from neck to toes. It was reused many times and contained countless stains from the previous owners which could not be washed away. Sister Lilia saw her bitten nails and dirty feet. The girl was kept barefeet in the dark, so she must have nibbled on her nails to contain some calm.

“What the fuck is going on there! Shut up or we’ll do it ourselves!” Sister Lilia flinched, eyes trained on the spot where the wall curved. The guards were only few meters away and could hear everything. It was not safe, no one here was safe. “Shhhh! Quiet, for the love of god, be quiet. Do you want them to come here? Child, release me, I have to go. It’s not safe to stay so long.” With that she roughly pressed the woman away from herself and fixed her robe. The woman fell to her knees and kissed the hem of her skirt and wasn’t coherent anymore.

“Yes, yes... Lilila, please I beg you, save me, please, please, please… It wasn’t me, it wasn’t me...” The red tresses were sticking to her cheeks, hiding the blue eyes. It wasn’t anything new to Lilia’s ears, she heard it countless times since they brought her here kicking and screaming. They snatched her straight from the townsquare as she came running from the woods drenched in the blood, just her eyes’ white piercing the sea of red. It was as if she had been born just now, thrown into the world, hit by the cold and and no one to console her with their warmth. The crowd was shocked. The talk echoed through the town for weeks after.

The poor girl was deemed insane. They discovered her grandmother torn to pieces in her cottage and nothing helped her granddaughter Mila, since she held the murder weapon in her hands. A long thin knife, the blade gleaming in between the rivulets of blood; the men had to tear it away from her fingers. “The Hunter, the Hunter did it! It was him! The Hunter!” She screamed on and on. Yet none of her calls were answered and to her horror, she was locked up deep into the wet gutters of the dungeon while others decided upon her faith.

No hunters were sent out on a patrol that day, the soldiers attended the cardinal during an important procession. So no one officially or unofficially could have done it. The young woman’s cries didn’t make sense and even the most impartial souls could’t find a thread to hold onto her defense. There was no case to build upon. The process was quick and done in her absence, the stake built even faster. Sister Lilia was contacted and told that a young priest will accompany Mila on her last days and absolve her of the sins. The last fight for her soul as they said. Sister Lilia knew it was a farce, and that she was a little pawn in the catholic power grid. A step amiss meant you could just as easily end at the stake like Mila. The luckiest alternative was to sent into exile or a remote cloister with earth barren and stony, where you could only grow the most durable plants.

That’s why she pried herself away from the poor woman’s clutches, her christian promise of caring for others giving way to her own self preservation. She walked out of the cell as if the ground was molten iron and her clothes itched her skin like army of ants. She consoled herself with the weak argument, that the priest will pick up the scraps and do his job. He was young, full of energy and belief. Sister Lilia didn’t understand how such a pristine soul could be serving the cardinal and most of all, how he became his favorite.

Her shoulders became light when she saw him pass her by in the corridor. The air turned fresh, moist and pleasant when he entered. A calming fragrance accompanied him, clad in black, stripped of earthly possessions. His movements speaking of grace hypnotised the ones to which he whispered in silent baritone voice. Sister Lilia never met anyone like him before. In his presence she forgot her status and all earthly weight, the moments with him gave peace and clarity to everyone. She seen it with her own eyes before, hardly believing it was possible.

First time he entered the captive’s cell, Mila stopped to shake and let him sit her down on her bed. She allowed him to wash her face and comb her hair. He was caring for her like a mother would for her child. He didn’t bring any food or water, his kindness and human warmth seemed to sate Mila with what she hungered after. Sister Lilia left them alone, happy she could leave the burden to him and assured internally that Mila was in the best hands.

“Mila.” The priest said, no questions asked, no demands and yet it worked like magic, unlocking Mila’s lips like a forgotten chest. No sobs or swaying affect her speech, she was the same sane woman they all knew. “It wasn’t me, Father. I didn’t kill her.”

“Then who was it? Tell me their name. Tell me the name of the demon who led your hands. Tell me and all will be well. There is still time.”

Mila chuckled, wiped her stray tear and watched her intertwined fingers in her lap. “I don’t know his name, he called himself The Hunter. He said… he’ll come for me soon too. I’m, I’m glad. Burning at the stake is a better choice than dying at his hands. It was the devil himself. If you could only see his eyes. They glimmered like black beady pearls, soulless like they belonged to a pig.”

She looked at the young priest and took in his light frown. She hated to make him worried. If she could she would please him and fulfill all of his wishes. Yet, he never talked about anything else but her and the God. And so she found herself telling him everything, truth and hidden secrets that weighted at her soul. He cradled his cheek and brushed his calloused thumb on her cheekbone, eyes trained on her kindly from underneath the long eyelashes. He never argued with her, never challenged her, just asked and listened. What she said to him, he accepted and didn’t treat her like an insane person or a filthy witch. Mila would eat out of his hand.

“Georgi, could you ask the hangman to choke me before the burning? I, I have a ring my mother left me behind. Could it be enough to bribe him?” She couldn’t help but ask for the favor, clinging to his gentle hands, begging with her eyes.

Georgi’s frown deepened and to her surprise he pulled her up to his arms, up from the ground where she leaned upon his knee earlier. His embrace was sudden, enveloping her in safety, bare hands diving into the curls of her hair, his breath stopped at her shoulder. The priest’s worry clear and something more from him was being given to her, which she didn’t know how to interpret in the shock. Could he perhaps… would he even dare… her thoughts raced like birds in the storm.

“Milochka!” Georgi’s broken voice whispered to her ear, his lips brushing her shell lightly, his palms mapping out her back, spreading his touch like a thin veil of summer rain. A kiss was pressed to her forehead and she couldn’t help but sigh dejected, disappointed deep down it wasn’t placed elsewhere as she hoped. His kiss burned her skin hours after he left.

The phantom of it chased away any nightmares of the execution that was scheduled in the morning.

#red riding hood prompts #Georgi/Mila #georgila #trigger #Siouxsie And The Banshees Face To Face #writing prompt #prompt #eclair #horror #is this even a prompt still i mean oh whatever #ask

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rreader · 7 years ago

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hello! can I️ request a harry x reader where reader is a Slytherin prefect who catches harry after hours during her rounds. at first she’s stern but realizes that she might be scaring him a bit too much so she starts joking with him and he gets a bit of a crush on her. he doesn’t really know who she is so he’s asking about her and looking for her the next morning and he realizes that she’s the Slytherin princess and Malfoys best friend and hp is like o shit and tries to distance himself but P1/2

cont.but the reader joins DA and hp is really awkward around her. after hp teaches one day reader stays after class because hp was extra awkward she confronts him, they reconcile and confess feelings and fluff, so they have a secret relationship bc they’re afraid of what their friends might think but one day during dinner hp and Draco’s fighting gets too much and she tries to stop it and Draco is like who’s side are you on and you can choose the ending p2/2

Title: Vincit veritasPairing: Harry Potter x Slytherin!Reader ; Draco Malfoy x Slytherin!Reader (mostly brotp)Fandom: Harry PotterWarnings: …sorry about the ending, I guess? (don’t worry, there’ll be a part 2!)

Summary: It was when he first saw you smile that he knew you were the one. But you were a Slytherin and Harry was a Gryffindor. It was like Romeo and Julia.. let’s just hope this story will have a happier ending.. or will it have the same?

A/N: ooooh, would you look at that. another harry request. I couldn’t help myself, this one was just such a cool request, I had to write it. I always loved the whole ‘reader is having to choose between draco and harry’ trope. (+ I’ve decided to give the stories that’ll be more than one part a title, just because I think it’ll be a bit nicer. for those who care, the title means: ‘Truth conquers’)

*****

Harrystared at the Marauder’s map in his hands, tracing Draco’s steps.

Heprobably shouldn’t be doing this every time the Slytherin left his room, butHarry couldn’t help it. He had this.. feeling. This feeling, thatsomething really bad was about to happen, mainly, because his scarhad been causing him pain for quite some time now and it didn’t seemlike it was about to stop any time soon.

Hiseyes glued to the map and focused on Draco, he did not see that therewas somebody else wandering these corridors so late at night.

Hewas just about to go the other way when you caught him.

“Well,well. What have we here?”

Harry immediately jumped and pointed hiswand at you, “I’d lower your wand if I were you, otherwise I’mgoing to have to shove it up your nose until it hits your brain.”

Hiseyes widened and he quickly hid the map behind his back, doing whatyou said.

“Whoare you?” he asked a second later, but you only pointed towardsyour badge.

Harrygulped.

Notonly were you a prefect, but a Slytherin prefect at that.

“Now..Tell me,” you slowly walked over to him, until you were standingright in front of him, cocking your head to the side, then you walkedaround him like a cat stalking her prey, “Why are you wandering through thecorridors at this time?”

Harry’schest was heaving heavily and he could feel sweat starting to form onhis forehead. Somehow, this felt like an interrogation.

“I..I was.. uhm..-”

“Oh, nevermind, I don’t really care,” you confessed, when you stood in front ofhim again and smiled. “Bet you thought I was evil, because I’m a Slytherin, huh?” you started laughing.

Harrylet out a breath, his jaw dropping slightly, not really knowing whatto say.

Didhe thought you were as mean and probably evil as Malfoy? Absolutely.

“Whateveryou were doing though, you should probably go back to bed. I’m notthe only one who’s patrolling here tonight and the others won’t letyou off so easily.”

“Uhm..yeah, of course!” Harry cleared his throat and nodded, “Thankyou!”

“Don’tworry about it,” you smiled once more, then you walked past him andsoon, disappeared in the shadows of the corridor.

Harrywanted to call after you, ask for your name, but all he could do wasstare into the darkness, a blush sitting on his cheeks.

Someonemight be having a little crush..

thenext morning

“Hermione?”

“Hm?”Her nose was buried in a book as always, sitting comfortably in oneof the armchairs of the common room.

“Doyou know all of the prefects?”

Shelifted her head, her eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

“Ofcourse. Why?”

Harryfidgeted with his hands, a little unsure whether or not he shouldeven bring it up.

Buthe didn’t even know your name.. and he really, really wanted to know.

“Ijust wanted to know who replaced Pansy.. out of pure curiosity, ofcourse.”

Hermionestill eyed him suspiciously, but then she closed her book and crossedher legs.

“(Y/N)(Y/L/N). You might have heard people call her the ‘Slytherinprincess’. Ridiculous, if you ask me.”

“Wait..SHE’S the Slytherin princess? Draco’s best friend? The one who’sparents pretty much own Hogsmeade at this point?”

“That’sthe one. The prince and princess, that’s what they’re all callingthem,” she shuddered and opened her book once more, “Ridiculous,”she whispered once more, before returning her attention back to thebook.

Harryslumped back into the cushions of the couch and let out a deepbreath.

Thefirst girl he liked since Cho and then she’s a Slytherin. And notjust any Slytherin, but the best friend of his nemesis, the one he,just last night, followed around Hogwarts to see what he was up to.And now he had a crush on his best friend.

Probably because of that smile..

Hecouldn’t stop thinking about it..

..buthe had to. There was no way this - whatever this would be - could work.

Threemonths later

Dumbledore’sArmy.

Asecret organization founded to teach fellow students Defence Againstthe Dark Arts.

Andwhen you entered their ‘secret base’ with your girlfriends, you wereinitially surprised to see Harry Potter standing in front of you. Buton second thought.. not really. It just had to be him.

Yousmiled and approached him when no one seemed to care.

“You’rea lot more pale in this light, than the last time I saw you.”

Harrychuckled and fidgeted with his wand.

Hehadn’t talked to you since that night. He saw youfrom time to time and you always smiled at him when your eyes met,but neither of you ever said ‘Hello’ or something like that. Both ofyou kept your distance.

Butit would be awkward to just ignore each other here..

“You’redoing a good thing here. So.. thank you,” you placed your hand onhis upper arm, squeezed once, then joined your girlfriends again.

Harrywas standing there like a statue afterwards.

Howwould he be able to focus, now that you were here?

***

Theanswer to that: not at all.

Hetried his hardest, but was glad that Ron and Hermione were there withhim, otherwise these lessons would not be helpful at all.

Everytime you met for a class, you talked to him. It was just small talkand tiny details about your life. But you felt more comfortablearound him and really enjoyed spending time with him.

Dracohad only ever told you negative things about him.

Butnow that you were getting to know him for yourself, you realized thathe was a good guy.

Hewas kind and fair and he cared a lot about his friends and fellowstudents. Otherwise he wouldn’t be doing this and risking.. whateverit was that he was risking.

Buttoday was weird. He had been trying to teach you this one spell fordays and you finally managed it today. And when you did, you kissedhim on the cheek. Out of reflex. But now that he didn’t look youin the eye no more, you wondered if you had maybe crossed a boundary.

Sowhen the class was over and everyone had left, you walked over tohim.

“Harry?Can we.. talk?”

“Oh..yeah, sure!”

“Ireally hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable earlier. I wasn’ttrying to.. I was only really excited, you know?” you lowered yourhead and looked at the floor, “My parents never wanted me to learnthese kind of things. Said I didn’t need to, since I always hadprotection from various sources throughout my life. But it’s good tofinally be able to protect myself. And all thanks to you,” youraised your head again and smiled.

BeforeHarry had known your name, he had heard horrible things about the’Slytherin princess’. That she was a 'spoiled brat’, 'mean toeveryone who crossed her path’.. but the woman who stood in front ofhim was none of that. The more he got to know you, the more heunderstood that, even though you had grown up in a rich andwell-esteemed family, you did not take anything for granted. Allprejudices were wrong about you.

Andhe was glad that he was able to get an idea of who you are as aperson himself.

“No,you didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, really. I just..”

Youpatiently waited for him to answer, but he never did. He only staredat your lips for so long, until you finally took that one steptowards him and kissed him like you hoped he wanted to.

Andwhen you could feel his hands on your hips, you knew that he did.

***

Theweeks that followed were both beautiful and horrible at the sametime.

Youand Harry had put a label on your relationship. You were nowboyfriend and girlfriend.

However,no one could know.

NotHarry’s friends, who would probably think him as some sort of 'traitor’ forbeing with a Slytherin and certainly not Draco, who’d probably killPotter for being with you.

Sowhile, yes, you were now Harry’s girlfriend and secretly exchangedkisses and spent more time with each other, it just.. wasn’t the same as running aroundholding hands and showing everyone that you were in love. This secrecy.. you hated it.

Butstill, you both knew it was for the better.

Soyou kept it quiet. Didn’t let anyone even consider a possibility of arelationship between you two.

Itwas only when Draco bullied Harry once again during lunch – when noteachers were around, because he’d never have the guts to do it infront of them – that you got up and stood in front of Draco whenHarry approached him.

“Couldyou two PLEASE just stop it already! I’m so sick of this, Draco.Don’t you have better things to do?”

Fora minute it was quiet all around you.

Neverhad you talked to Draco like that before.

Andhe seemed to be as surprised as everyone else.

“Whyare you on his side?”

“I’mnot..,” you turned around to face Harry who tried his hardest notto look hurt, so you quickly corrected yourself, “I mean..I..-ugh!”

Therewas Harry on the one side, the first guy you ever fell in love withand hoped to spend the next years with. Kind, intelligent, caring.

Thenthere was Draco, your best friend since childhood. Misunderstood guy,who only tried to do what his parents expected of him.

Youloved them both..

..butwho will you choose?

#lupinlys #harry potter x reader #harry x reader #harry potter imagine #harry imagine #draco malfoy imagine #draco imagine #hp imagine #harry potter #hp #draco malfoy #reader #requests

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elizabethrobertajones · 8 years ago

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12x19 notes

for some reason I got that old advert that’s like, “the future’s bright... the future’s Orange” stuck in my head the entire time. (I mean Orange got bought out by ee and the name vanished so... no, it’s not Orange. :P)

I blame the return of Sam’s orange jacket.

expectations - fairly muted since I read pretty much no speculation over the little break and really don't know what to make of this season in forward planning. Mittens said it best to me last night - that the show is doing quite predictable things but the layers and complexity and subversions on their own playbook are where it's interesting. So in a way it feels like we could map out what might happen in this episode? But I didn't feel like reading that because that would just make it feel predictable to the point of boredom guessing the big beats. And I'm expecting some of thing with the emotional side to be almost unpredictably messy. Like how 12x12 I don't think anyone was going into it thinking Cas was going to have a big i love you moment :P

For the actual writing, this is our potentially bizarre but wonderful combination of writers - Glynn and Berens having a crack at the Kelly stuff, and I think is the first time she's appeared outside of a Buckleming episode, while this is only the second time the Kelly stuff has even been IN a non-Buckleming episode after we saw Cas's side a bit in 12x15 before it got derailed into him going to Heaven, or 12x10 which was emotionally about it but only had mentions either side. Glynn's been huge on consent and attempting to handle things sensitively (to a varying degree of success in implementation according to the fandom, but I award points for trying...) and Berens definitely wants to be a feminist writer and also to varying degrees of acceptance by the fandom, but his heart is in the right place. I think the two of them together would hopefully bring a very different perspective to Kelly's story and this is the episode where I'm hoping they make the most of the fact this storyline is happening... Plus I'm fairly sure this is the one directed by Amanda Tapping so there's that :3

recap starts right off with what Cas has been up to this third of the season. I was starting to forget who he was. Dean is worried about the same thing. Blah blah Kelly, Dean worrying about Cas, blah blah Kelly and Dagon, Eileen being a BAMF, where's Cas is he okay, Dean has the Colt.

I've never really ranked recaps out of 10 or anything but that was a pretty good one for all the layering in how Dean's been worried about Cas in between all these other events taking place, and also making it SO CLEAR that Dean is the one who's been worried about Cas

Kelly's looking great >.> Dagon appears to have moved her to a dungeon. Lovely. She's got the worst beside manner ever.

Or it's just the basement of a horrible shack. LOOKS like a dungeon, which I think is the point.

Oh gosh Dagon is properly scary, and Kelly gets some self-reflection... Or, well, her reflection is broken by the mirror and she's just a faceless baby bump. Great shot.

Oh no Kelly no... I actually care about her now and she got to actually say some actual words about how she feels and how this has affected her, aka jumped right over my extremely low bar for her treatment that Buckleming weren't exactly straining themselves to get over, and now she's trying to kill herself. :< :< They finally let the actress DO something where the scene was about HER and not JUST her baby, and it was incredible and terrible and arrrghhhh

I hope everyone was okay after that opening because that was pretty harsh. Bobo puts suicide-related stuff in a lot of his episodes with about the reliability of Buckleming and creepy pregnancies, but there's some pretty vivid, awful suicides on screen thanks to him, and this was a long beautifully shot sequence of her bleeding out

I mean I assume she'll be fine and I was waiting for the twist before the title card where the nephilim forces her back to life, but I guess they're leaving us on that for now >.>

(This was necessary to do, though, both because Kelly's really in a place where only extreme reactions can happen to prove anything, as it's such a tense bad situation, and also SHE needed to take an action to be a remotely fleshed out character after all she's been dragged through so far, and ALSO we need to see some proof the nephilim is as bad as it is, burning bible aside, that it's just not quite enough of a real threat or presence - something everyone is talking about but with the 9 month wait for a baby to pop is very hypothetical for the intervening time - I was actually expecting her to try cutting it out of herself, or at least if I had an R rated horror version of this show I would show that >.>)

(I mean if I was in control of an R rated version of the show we would probably not have this plotline :P)

*adds Sam drawing on the table to my list of offences he's committed against the bunker*

He really has it in for that table

That was a pretty fun montage of him doing stuff and thinking on screen for us. Weird as it may be I don't get the feeling the Winchesters think a lot because they usually show us them right when they walk in having googled something or already worked it out. We get middle of episode research montages but only a couple of episodes start on reading montages and usually to show the research is futile... Actually showing Sam puzzling out the thing he was wondering about before we get Dean wandering in and Sam explaining what that was all about is... weirdly refreshing... Proof they use their brains.

He's working out when Nephilim are born, which seems to be a somehow more complicated, magical thing than simple biology, but does explain the way he was talking about it in the promo, which without the montage sounded like another boring, “so I googled it and surprisingly there was a website to work this out”, kind of explanation.

It does get boring to keep showing that, even if thinking montages take up time, they LOOK good and are better storytelling for the characters.

Wait if you guys went to prison around early december, you DID spend Christmas and maybe Dean's birthday in the lock up... Oh no :P Was that ever actually confirmed? I thought we went the other way on that when we were trying to work it out over Christmas.

CAAAAS

Cas cas cas cas cas

"Hello." That is still the term? Been away a while :P

I love Dean's face as he watches Cas come down to join them. He's just stunned to see him.

Annoyed because he's concerned

"working with the angels"

*Dean's face puckers up comically*

Cas lies to them *Dean starts to make the 6x15 pouting face* ("that's how he does it") ... I have to screencap this I've never seen Dean make such a weird face since then :P

He goes through like eight different emotions and there isn't room enough for them all on his face. He's still pouting about one thing and then Sam says they're glad Cas is back and he overloads :P

Bless Amanda Tapping for capturing that on camera.

yikes Dean, once again with the concerned and angry thing >.> Pls stop being angry at Cas because you can't handle missing him that much. Sam says they're glad Cas is back because that's what you're supposed to say and he's happy Cas is back and there's some extra help and you know sometimes Cas is here and sometimes Cas isn't but when he is he's helpful and they like each other and get on... and meanwhile Dean has burned through like 3 diaries of emo teenage sobbing about if Cas likes him and why isn't he returning his calls or texts in the last month, and he's been on a rollercoaster of angst about it all and now Cas is back it's like wtf does he even CARE i thought he said he LOVED us how can he be so heartless FML *sounds of Evanescence playing from Dean's room* *sam does not ask*

And Cas pulls that Cas face he does when Dean gets like this (I mean they were standing around the table almost like this in 8x22 when Dean ripped into Cas, and again in 11x07... Never mind how Dean was acting in 12x10 at the start where, yep, Cas comes in just like in 8x22. War room table. Where the family goes to have its wars :P)

12x10 already subverted this while we were on the middle of the season emotional development phase of the story, so we'll see how it goes here

Dean's complaints about being ditched and ignored are definitely straight from his diary

"What the hell's wrong with you, man?"

*Cas can't answer*

Dean's like, whatever, and storms off to his room

*sounds of Evanescence playing even louder while he writes a few more pages in his diary*

BMoL like "well we got some useful intel, but we need to edit so much romantic tension out of this before we can show it to the higher ups"

I suppose Cas can't answer because he's lying and for some reason or another everything sucks and what's wrong with him presumably boils down to the problem of home and family and whatever was put to him in Heaven, which I assume is directly relating to his conflict about home and family. The fact he can't answer is a very literal demonstration of him being trapped between all this and not able to answer. For whatever reason he's come back/been allowed to come back/been sent back, he is still stuck on their offer and walking into Dean throwing an almighty strop about Cas's absence and how much it's hurt him not to have Cas there... Not good for his ability to immediately answer.

[note with hindsight: okay don’t normally do this but the episode INTENTIONALLY wiped this off the slate and it’s not even a useful tangent thought. Guess this was left over what we were meant to be feeling (Kelvin asks Cas this in 12x15 after all which WAS the last word we had on it) but Cas has already made up his mind and his declaration of his motivations in this episode made this pretty obvious in hindsight that it was just what the angels THOUGHT Cas might be motivated by still but he really has gone all in with the Winchesters - of course only at the point it can get thrown away by other factors, and choices... Did have some other thoughts about Cas not being sure he belonged so a more subtle way of analysing it that Cas was realising he might not BELONG belong, but he would have to act to protect Dean from afar, and the cost of his friendship - well, Dean was ALREADY pissed at him so Cas will do what he has to >.>]

Also. Cas got all of Dean's calls. So, like, that's the same as 8x02 and "I prayed to you, every night!" "I know"

And while we're here, of course I shouldn't bring this in but what was Amanda Tapping around for during season 8, but pretty much entirely the Destiel scenes - and in this case, "you're hoping Castiel will return to you... I only wish he felt the same way" - now Cas returns and to Dean it seems like, well, he doesn't feel the same way.

Dean hides in his room. He's not listening to Evanescence. He's doing some more angry searching for Kelly or whatever. WHATEVER *pouts harder*

Cas knocks, doesn't get an answer, and comes in anyway. In 10x03 he knocks and waits until Dean invites him to come in - a much more sensitive situation where he was concerned about how Dean felt in a way where Dean was sad and fragile. He's being a bit fragile now, in a slightly more ridiculous way, but Cas is just gonna barge in now. This isn't Cas being "such an angel" about doors (re: 9x22 and Gadreel barging in on Metatron, hi Dabb) which was something we were discussing after 10x03 and how Cas had a, well, not-angelic approach to doors. Cas CHOOSES to ignore the lack of invitation and barge in anyway and when it comes to Cas and social nuances, it's always worth pointing out what he does and doesn't already know.

[edit with hindsight: also - early warning he’s violating the space by not respecting Dean’s privacy and that this WAS an intrusion. I actually didn’t remember to analyse what I thought Cas was up to here, mostly because he WAS acting shifty so I didn’t know what to trust he was doing but not enough to guess what he WOULD do :P]

Also how to know if you still ship the thing: obviously predicted the only reason they'd show Dean in his room after he stomped off alone was if Cas came for a round 2 without Sam around to make it hard to talk, and for them to chat in a more personal, less conflict-y environment. And yet as soon as I see his dumb face on my screen my heart skips.

I think this is only the second time Cas has ever come into Dean's room, officially, aside from 10x03.

...

*rewinds*

D-did Cas just... break up with Dean by giving him back the mix tape they made out to at prom or something

What the fuck

*rewinds*

"I just wanted to return this"

No okay Cas definitely just broke up with Dean by giving him back the mix tape they made out to at prom

Why though

Why would you even write this into your show

"It's a gift. You keep those."

Dean you are so broken hearted I'm gonna die

*Evanescence blaring in Dean's soul at top volume*

I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me You used to captivate me by your resonating light Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years You still have all of me, me, me

("My Immortal" - it seemed fitting :P)

Yes I remember being 16. Who doesn't regret some things.

Um I literally don't have any analysis of their interactions here because my brain shorted out and all I can think of is that this was literally the stupidest thing they've ever written if they don't think Destiel is a thing. I mean look at it.

At some point in the last say 5 years or whatever Dean's made Cas a mixtape.

And then Cas tried to give it back because Dean was a dick to him when he was upset about Cas leaving and not returning his calls.

And Dean was like fuck off it was a present because oh my god what the fuck Supernatural

I need to keep watching because I could very easily sit here yelling at the screen for the rest of the day and I only just remembered that Kelly's off dead or not in a bathtub and there's real problems here which aren't these two emo 16 year olds figuring out what a crush is in glacial slow motion.

Oh NO there's a close up on their hands as Cas takes it back. And Cas makes another noise like he might say something and he doesn't and I'm actually going to CRY with FRUSTRATION

Dean actually tries a little to explain why he's pissed from his POV without resorting to Evanescence lyrics.

"WE didn't know what had happened to you. WE were worried about you"

Dean you may have missed the recap, but uh, Dean it was all about you missing him. Last episode Sam even was like "he'll be fine" and you were like "..."

"I didn't mean to add to your distress" you need to not sound sarcastic when you say these things because I know you mean it but you still sound pissed off with Dean and it's not heeelping

Cas breaks my fucking heart talking about how he needed to bring a win back for Dean after failing so many times in a row and then Dean turns around and finally stops giving Cas the cold shoulder (LOL SHOULDERS) and faces him and says Cas isn't the only one "rolling snake eyes" (I'm quoting just because I love how Dean talks, I don't have anything profound to say about the gaming reference)

Now Dean is sounding as miserable as Cas

wait hang on I just remembered that Dean gave Cas a mixtape

They seem to be having a deep conversation challenging each other about if they would kill an innocent, phrased in those terms - I think Cas wants Dean to admit he couldn't because he's having doubts, but Heaven would want him to do it and Cas looks to Dean for guidance. Dean mentions how they've been researching how NOT to kill the baby to not much luck showing they don't WANT to but Cas is testing if this is even their last resort. The moral certainty in the situation is all messed up for them. They never want to kill innocents, but Sam at least has done it before intentionally for the sake of saving the world (4x22) and as much as they like finding other ways, the fate of the planet is a pretty strong motivator to go into a morally grey area...

Dean caves and says they're trying to find another way.

We as in you and me, dumbass.

Less dumb, less ass, more trusting couple :3 That's their un break up get back together code word, because 9x10 put them back together

I had the worrying thought Cas gave the mixtape back because he thought DEAN had broken up with HIM and that Cas had to reluctantly return all the things Dean gave him because if they were broken up what would Cas want with them any more they'd just remind him of Deeeean

Mittens also suggested to me that it was Cas trying to show Dean that he felt he'd messed up and was trying to apologise and show that he knew he'd hurt Dean and that he didn't deserve the mixtape any more and this is honestly the worst thing I've ever read so I need to try and watch the rest now

oh god I shouldn't have paused where I did because the next thing Dean does is get up, walk into Cas's space, talk about Team Free Will to Cas's face and I feel a piece of my soul that has been soaked in bitterness that Cas was unconscious and had no idea Dean called it that sarcastically once a million years ago, has finally been put to rest that Cas is now officially, knowingly, a member of Team Free Will and also that Dean remembered calling it that, apparently thinks of them as it.

It's so fucking fanservicey but you know what it's season 12, I fully intend to buy this on DVD when it comes out, I deserve my little TFW loving heart to have some fan service of Dean calling them that again despite it being one of those things where logically I'd say Dean should never repeat it because it was a off-hand comment that got blown all out of proportion by the fandom loving having a thing to call the squad.

(The part of me that makes bad speculative decisions is remembering that Dean used that phrase when he was resisting Michael and was a direct result of talking to him face to face and being told he had no free will - how that relates to the theme of the season is interesting because they're not facing any direct threat to their free will, apparently. But their choices still matter. Michael's not coming back. She says loudly and firmly to herself.)

[edit from later: well THERE’S your direct threat to your free will!]

Also it's including Cas and Dean using that phrase is a strong reminder that it's not just the brothers Winchester, but that Team Free Will is the main unit of the show - and Dean knows and acknowledges that (and has probably been reading Winchester Gospels meta to try and work out what would be the best songs to give Cas on his mixtape and incidentally picked up the idea the fandom liked calling them that)

[edit from later: reminding Cas he was a member of Team Free Will was fucking inviting that, you take it back Dean Winchester. I hate hindsight-activated dramatic irony]

They were standing so close. I think Dean patted Cas's shoulder briefly on the way out the door. Also once the "official" conversation was over, Dean found it much harder to meet Cas's eye, probably because they're that close to kissing if there's nothing else to discuss.

Dean leaves and Cas is left standing in his room - the camera goes back to his face as he looks mournfully around Dean's room. Like. At his bed or something idk I'm not an expert

[efl: oh my god]

I love Amanda Tapping and Bobo and Glynn. Buying them all a round.

Anyway Kelly and Dagon.

Oh dear, bloody bathtub, and no sign of Kelly?

She's sitting in the corner wrapped in something that looks kind of like an American flag or has one in the corner, and is kind of stunned in a I just had a religious experience way about her baby not letting her die. She loves him, is the problem.

Look at all this character complexity wow

She spoke to her baby about how they couldn't be together and they had to die, but the baby saved them both - for now - and honestly she was a religious woman anyway... I wonder if she thinks that the baby preserving its safety in the womb while its not ready to be born is a sign it will protect her and Dagon is wrong and that the baby loves her back... A good cover for if we go back to Buckleming characterisation, Kelly being reluctant and protective of the baby even if she obviously hates being imprisoned and is terrified, we now have a few different sides to her feelings about it explored...

*Amanda messing around filming through the bunker railings because they're fun* this time Sam caught in a circle. He was caught in a triangle in 12x16 so I'm starting to think the theme is that Sam is trapped, in a weird way. Not sure if foreshadowing or representative of his mental state. Obviously he floats around on the surface a lot making head choices instead of heart choices, and they still think they're working for the BMoL even if it's shady and weird, they're still technically ON that decision, or, well, Sam is. Even if this episode is unrelated, the triangle was pretty much for that in 12x16 as far as I could tell, so now it's just repeating Sam is trapped. As well as sitting at the Bunker table with his feet up so he's lost 2 tally marks already towards wanton bunker mistreatment and we're like 10 minutes into the episode...

Uhoh, Sam isn't sleeping. Dean seems to be wandering through the Bunker, hopefully carrying a cloud of "we're communicating now?" with him. Maybe they will TALK *gasp* *sound of a glass shattering in the otherwise silence*

Sam: so we can't find Dagon Me: you better not fuckin say what I think - Sam: what if we find the nephilim Me: ho don't do it Sam: it's half-angel Me: fuck off Sam Sam: remember Gadreel Me: EVERY DAY Sam: there was a spell Me: I FUCKING KNOW Sam: I'm an idiot Me: Listen we have proposed this idea like every single random plot twist that's happened since 9x11 and if you say what I think you're about to say then yes I'm sitting with Dean and judging you from here to ever for this Sam: omg how did we forget we had that grace extracting needle thingy in the basement for 3 years Me: Because you're a fucking idiot and I love you but you need to know.

I watched 9x10-12 very recently, like, this week recently, and I am distressed and Sam is predictable if you have been screeching through the walls of reality at him for a few weeks - apparently he heard me

Sam is also sitting in the library, not in the exact place he was in 9x10 in his head, but Dean just went to get a beer and came found him and in 9x10 imaginary Dean yelled at Sam if he wanted a beer and didn't show up so this somehow folded the entire thing back in on itself and this is why Dabb era agitates my migraines

I just can't believe that for once in our fuckin' lives we were like what if this happened and then a few weeks later on the show Sam's like wait what if we actually did the thing that the fans all instantly decided we should do

Dean's "yay we found another way!" look

Cas isn't in his room (CAS HAS A FUCKING ROOM IN THE BUNKER PARADE) and I am so baffled because I thought that he was still in Dean's room chilling on Dean's bed waiting for him to get back with the beers that I couldn't understand why Dean even thought Cas was in another room.

I mean to be fair the show has been so fan fictiony I can be allowed to forget that Dean supposedly wouldn't forget that

shoving aside my mistaken idea Cas was still in Dean's room, Dean gets a whole lot of sad music while staring mournfully into Cas's room after Cas was last seen staring mournfully into Dean's room

TBH Dagon's starting to sound more and more like an overbearing helicopter parent who has the whole plan for lil Satan Jr's life. Does mother know best? It's literally a debate of interpretation coming from their desires - Dagon wants him to be an evil monster who takes over the world and consumes everything. Kelly just wants him to be a regular kid (and Sam and Dean have maybe hit on the way to do that) and interprets his actions as loving her back and using his powers for good.

I suppose if Satan jr isn't evil then it'll be a story about mother's love being right, which could be interesting with where the Mary stuff goes. I still hope there's a reckoning about Sam and Mary and the Azazel deal which of course this mirrors even if so far it's been a bit weird about it because it's just kind of over there happening. Sam got to explore this with Magda and the Hitler's great niece thing, and came to the same conclusion they weren't evil, whatever their family or powers were. And same for himself, something he had to cope with (the Hitler episode makes more sense now with the nephilim story). Now we have the nephilim and Sam has been keeping himself up at night until he hit on a way to give it a chance from birth to be good and uncorrupted, like he never got.

Dagon's talking about being right at the baby's side, about nurturing and loving him - being at his side to help him kill everything, like a mother should. Now we have Dagon actively competing to be the other mother figure, the evil one. Kelly and Dagon as like, shoulder angel and demon to the baby. Two competing motherly instincts. Possibly representative of the torn loyalties/actions Mary's been through, from her deal with Azazel through to deciding to work with the BMoL and all the Ketch stuff, on the Dagon side, and her genuine love for Sam and Dean and wanting what's best for them on the Kelly side. As a metaphor for her entire influence on their lives and the story of the show, the Dagon side has utterly won out, as her deal took her from Sam and all she could do was offer one "sorry" as a ghost (the loving, ineffectual Kelly side), before Sam was left to the vulnerability of being jerked around by demons and eventually by Lucifer himself until he was possessed by him. But Kelly has a trust in the baby's nature, and Sam is inherently good, although tbh I may be forgetting everything but has this literally not been addressed from Mary's POV since 12x03 (hi Berens) where her idea of Sam and Dean were represented with the little 4 year old ghost for Dean, and the FREAKY MONSTER BABY in the crib? I was so sure there'd be a deeper exploration of Mary's issues with this - that Sam had been made into a monster and what he'd been through. Kelly having a moment where she is so convinced by Dagon's words that the baby is a monster that she'd rather kill herself to take it out with her, might mirror the sort of revulsion Mary COULD have, even for a moment, learning what Sam was made into. But Kelly loves the baby anyway and trusts its nature and intentions.

We'll see who's right.

Cas cas cas cas

He never looks happy. I can never tell when he's just grumpy or actually worried about something.

But in this case, yeah he stole the Colt :P Curse your sudden yet inevitable betrayal.

Blah blah stuff I was saying about homes and loyalties. And now I get why Mittens was suggesting he gave the tape back as an apology - he knows Dean will be mad about what he's about to do, and already IS mad at Cas for how he's acted so far, so really what hope does Cas have of escaping with Dean's good opinion after doing what needs to be done (he hasn't said it yet but pfft I'm deep in season 9 now, that phrase haunts me). If he WAITED he'd know Sam hit on an answer and they could have TFW'd it, but his loyalty to Heaven has confused things. This is 6x21 I guess - Cas comes in to have an emotional conversation with Dean at the end of 6x20 but in 6x21 Bobby reveals he stole important lore he had on opening Purgatory - in fact, it WAS the lead Cas needed to get the thing done. So we're still on the season 6 repeat, but of course Cas is more reasonable even if he's conflicted right now and seeming to pick Heaven (mostly because he's conflicted and even if Dean's pissed at Cas he makes it really super clear he loves him and sees him as part of the team as well - now for Cas to catch on :P) ... I think there's time for Cas to come around that he didn't have in season 6 as this is earlier in the season.

UGH Cas you need to change your phone background. WHY is it still the Buddy Boyle cloudburst. Did you steal your phone from an angel you killed back in season 9 or something? I mean I know you have a new phone since then so why do you keep using that background???

dear art department,

get a new picture of the sun coming from behind a cloud, seriously,

love from,

someone who re-watches season 9 all the time

Anyway that's a lot of missed calls and texts from Dean - after that apology, right back to doing the same thing.

The fact Cas takes his phone out and looks each time while it rings out is just awful

the decisive way he hits the reject call button and tucks his phone into his inside pocket, next to his heart - and where he was keeping the mix tape

Kelvin literally spelling out "You're doing the right thing, putting angelkind above the Winchesters" pfft

pointing out someone is doing the right thing as a reassurance IMMEDIATELY says there's a conflict whether this is the right thing or not, and then he makes it clear that Cas is putting angels above the Winchesters I mean, this is basic :P Cas belong with the Winchesters, heaven is manipulating him, he needs constant reassurance it's the right thing while being torn by all the love and family and having a room and Dean making him mixtapes...

But then Cas turns it around that he isn't dealing with this conflict at all, actually, and he's like, I'm doing this FOR the Winchesters (that word again - "for" - what Cas uses every time he makes a decision, and while dealing with the consequences, explains that it was FOR them, or has someone else tell him it was all FOR Dean or whatever (hi Metatron). He is putting them above everything again, like he did in 12x09 when he killed Billie - he'd rather do something reckless and stupid to keep them AWAY from a problem that could get them hurt, and he will lose their trust and faith but know they're alive and well... Same deal in season 6, never coming to them. "where were you when I needed to hear it?" - well, giving you back your fucking mixtape because it is a symbol that we love and trust each other and don't take that back even when we hurt each other.

I think the problem is Cas still feels like an angel to them (Mittens is watching 6x20 over there and mentioning it just enough to drive me crazy :P) - he still considers himself the Winchesters' guardian... Aka he is an angel who will outlive them and he just wants them, from an abstract, faraway place, to be happy and well... He will sacrifice anything to get that done but Dean (and Sam) just want him around hanging out with them, as part of the family unit, TFW working together on a problem and doing it the hard way as long as it means honest, together, and as a team. And for Cas to be integrated into the family, and maybe there are easier shortcuts (the lazy way to kill the monster is just to bring the Colt along instead of doing extra research to figure out a better way - the theme of the season being better ways) but better to do things the harder way and get the better result and to all love and trust each other at the end of the day and to feel happy in what we did, not sick and morally compromised.

(I really hope Dean admitting he wanted to find a better way as a way of saying he didn't want to kill the nephilim is the guidance Cas needed - that this subverts the "i watched you rake leaves" thing but... aaaah)

Anyway Cas's face when he says he'll kill the girl so they don't have to... CAS the call you rejected was because they FOUND THE BETTER WAY

Also not for nothing but the Colt can't kill Lucifer - how confident are we it can kill his kid?

But pfft Joshua thinking Cas is doing it to save his reputation - that he cares about the Winchesters more than Heaven - and Cas is like pfft screw my reputation in Heaven I'm doing this to protect Sam and Dean from tarnishing their lovely little souls.

pfft

hey a redshirt angel showed up

Cas leading a bunch of angels while holding the Colt. I am confused about how much I like this. I don't like it at all because of what he's doing but it's also sort of cool to see Cas at work doing stuff by himself (ish) like how he naturally leads angels, how he has the Colt (and the angels follow his lead because he has 1000x the experience of them put together but the lil baby has shot one shotgun once in his whole life... uh.)

We need the gun range scene where Dean teaches Cas to shoot

I like that Dagon is watching TV though. I mean she has a pretty boring job tbh - she has to wait out a pregnancy and she's confident the baby she wants to survive will survive and she doesn't care about the mother's survival so what else is there to do but watch TV

Seriously, Cas is still just sneaking through the house and I have no idea if he knows how to shoot it or even hold it. The one promo pic of him with it wasn't super inspiring. I sort of feel like he's going to waste a bunch of bullets.

Be hilarious if he had an Eileen parallel since that was even in the recap and Eileen and Cas were paralleled so much in 12x17 - why wouldn't Cas have an epic slo mo but Dagon dissolves away and random redshirt angel gets it? :P

LOL Cas shot and she disappeared

*awards self some chocolate*

He didn't get the slo mo or kill the other guy but I'll fuckin' take it

now he has to decide, Dagon or Kelly as the second bullet?

Or just give up now and maybe she'll let them go because it's hilarious to watch them run

oh look Dagon's about to kill the red shirt

anyway Cas was lining up another shot at her while she was distracted - prioritising killing her over killing Kelly - and then Kelvin stops him and tells him to find Kelly. Obviously to kill her, but I feel like Cas is gonna make off with her if the promo pics are anything to go by - tempted by the idea of a better way? Just can't kill her? I should prrroobably just watch... No point speculating things randomly when I don't have any meta ideas for why that aren't obvious :P

Kelvin is pretty brave to leap into that fight - I hope he doesn't get dusted

Cas holding the gun at hip height also means he's shooting at Kelly's stomach if he can fire

He did change the way he was holding it from the other times so I think that's very symbolic now.

Also the camera is making Cas into the monster, and Kelly is terrified :<

Yep she remembered his name and Cas bottled out of killing her and made off with her. Which I think also bought Kelvin some screen time because Dagon was too busy realising her captive was unattended to finish him off.

Cas had Kelly at his mercy and couldn't do it, so I suppose now he calls up the Winchesters and fesses up?

This is the halfway point of the episode

Oh look now Cas has betrayed them, SAM gets to make the call - 7x01 there, Dean stops reaching out to Cas, Sam does it instead because Dean is feeling too betrayed and hurt to deal with it. The first call was probably "dude where are you, we found a better way" but this is immediately post betrayal

When the animated japanese erotica thing came up again in 12x06, I did not seriously credit that we'd get a repeat of the whole shebang :P

Dabb era, man. Fuckin' Dabb era

Anyway Dean's angrily loading guns which he does when he's pissed

Pfft Dean and the Colt... it's a thing. He had it under his pillow. So Cas WAS staring longingly at Dean's bed and wanted the uh, phallic gun that was under it. The gun that Dean's trying to absorb into his own being because he has such a thing for waving the phallic gun around and wanting to shoot it.

Pfffffffft.

And he feels used because Cas came into his room and took something private and trusted from his bed - they had a MOMENT and Dean dared to express his love for Cas and... this is how Cas repaid him.

Listen this is why I don't speculate: the little clip of Dean looking pissed when they meet Cas at the motel? Way past the halfway point because I haven't even seen it yet. Dean isn't pissed because Cas hasn't talked to them for months and that's the first time he sees him. He's pissed because he made Cas a mixtape, Cas tried to give it back, then Dean professed his love, and Cas betrayed the trust of his BED.

Dean is a lover spurned and he wants to kick Cas's butt for it - he starts talking about Cas being "feathery" and turning him back into an angel (or junkless or whatever) whenever he's really pissed. The more he's happy with Cas the more human he is ("morning, sunshine, want some coffee?") and the more upset and spurned he is the more his language refers to Cas as an angel and all the shit Dean's said about them since season 4 comes back up.

And he pointedly packs an angel blade. I mean, he's seriously feeling violated by this >.>

Sam plays the mediator a lot because Dean and Cas can be so fucking unreasonable about each other because they're emo teenagers when it comes to their feelings for each other. It's not Sam's personality, per say, it's just he had to watch his brother say he'll kick Cas's ass while packing an angel blade and Sam has to be like "!!! no !!!"

"He came into my room and he played me" "He played us both"

^ Sam popping up in the background "and Sam!"

Just... the fact Sam is so tacked on after Dean and Cas had a deep personal moment about the fucking mixtape Dean made Cas (I haven't stopped grinning since that happened and it's really affecting how I view this episode). Sam just isn't personally violated after a deep emotional moment.

"He came into my room"

I mean

It's so PERSONAL

(You’re talking by the war room table - bad idea)

And that could mean anything to Sam - he doesn't know it was JUST about the mixtape, and that Cas essentially was relying on Dean storming out the room as he usually does when he talks to Cas to get the Colt. I mean, Dean n Cas could have had a wild make up sex moment, and then Dean went off to get beer and left Cas lying in his bed, where he just so happened to get his hands on the Colt. Sam doesn't know the details of this violation :P

(But, ignoring the gross romantic overtones of what ACTUALLY happened, this is how it's playing)

*Cas angry driving*

Kelly trying to make light of the fact Cas didn't murder her, like, thanks, you came in and pointed a gun at me but then bottled out and somehow it's still the best thing that happened to me all day.

Cas looks sadder than ever. "Please don't thank me. I had a mission and I failed." Now he's got all emotionally messed up by not wanting to kill an innocent, Sam and Dean are in trouble, and he knows the ball is back in their court if he can't do the one thing he thought he had to to make this go away for them. His sadness is that they're going to get entangled in this again one way or the other. And instead of feeling like he took the moral high ground, and that it's good he didn't kill Kelly, it's just another list of failures this season - the vampire hunt, not finding Sam and Dean in prison, letting Kelly get away the first time, probably a ton of feelings of blame for all the other episodes where they didn't have stunning results that he was involved in like 12x07, 12x10, 12x12...

"And now I don't know" - Cas not knowing what to do is when he panics. He likes knowing what to do :< He has a wee bit of a bad track record when he doesn't know what to do with himself, whether it's because something else latches onto his lack of direction, or he leaps into a bad decision by himself...

Dagon lying to Lucifer - does that even work?

Nope.

"Which one?" "Castiel" *Lucifer literally breaks down into hysterical despairing laughter* I think he never wants to hear that name again...

he called Cas a "purse dog" which is even worse than the normal dog references levelled at Cas. Yikes.

That was actually not a cringeworthy scene, maybe because Lucifer and Crowley weren't talking :P

Is Cas actually trying to call Sam and Dean?

Nope, he called Joshua. Oh dear, he was getting orders. He sounds so season 4. And that defeated tone of voice as he recites to Kelly how she has to die.

(Oh no, Cas actually EXPLAINING what would happen if a human stepped through the gate with the sort of technical detail nerds eat up, and Cas sounding all cosmic and like it's not weird at all to casually contemplate what would happen to your atoms when you tried to go through a gate to Heaven that wasn't meant to let you through... I've always loved physics professor Cas, especially a non-AU one where he just goes to teach it because why not.)

"Your child could bring the universe to its knees" "Or lift it to its feet. This baby - nothing is born evil" "I can't take that chance. None of us can."

*flails at these lines* I'm starting to like Kelly. She's arguing a pretty simplistic POV but it's one in line with the whole Team Free Will thing and the idea of hope - this season has had a lot of hope and hopelessness. The 3rd way isn't mentioned - that it's a normal baby and Kelly goes to live a regular life and all the powerful forces lose interest in her and the baby... In a way Cas's POV is mired in years of trauma and saving the universe and making complicated shades of grey decisions and harsh choices for the greater good, or, well, for Dean. Because of Dean. Everything always about Dean.

I don't WANNA make everything about Destiel but "none of us can" is about Dean, and Dean made Cas a mixtape and everything is awful

Poor Kelvin.

"W W C D - what would Castiel do?" that's the weirdest Jesus imagery attached to Cas but I kind of want one of those rubber bracelets they used to hand out with phrases like that on :P

of course what Cas would do is the big question, and so far he's been pretty reliably unreliable and making bad decisions out of heart

Too much heart etc

*Cas closes all the blinds and moves Kelly around.* He's sort of acting like a prison guard too.

Kelly describing how she killed herself - also great dialogue and acting... Wow I'm really starting to like her. They're having to work with her being a bit of a religious ditz in some respects - interpreting it as a miracle and using that word - but they're making up for so much lost time with her characterisation and filling in the person behind all the being dragged around. Kelly has HOPE and LOVE for her baby and felt its power as goodness... Then she speaks just a little too long and stops sounding sure and starts sounding like she just wishes it was a miracle/is the sort of person prone to believing in them, and a plan, a higher power, which has been utterly debunked since season 5 and we have to know that as an audience that she's talking too far into her simplistic ideas unaffected by the gritty reality of Heaven and Hell in this world. I mean sure she's got such a simple view on it all but she's got a stance and she's been through a change and she's sticking with it.

Cas listening to all this - the way his face moves when she talks about giving up and killing herself. Oh no. He understands :< And it's her talking about a higher power that gets him to sit down and talk to her.

Cas talking about his season 4 self and then saying they're all "winging it" oh no oh no.

Oh noooo

And now he has to describe that Lucifer has no plan and that unlike Sam, born to a great destiny after a huge amount of manipulation to meet what seemed to be the originally described destiny of the universe since it was created, as per God, Kelly has this devil baby for no reason except Lucifer passing on the existential angst he's suffering since existing outside of The Plan

Really, Raphael was extremely ahead of the curve in having a massive existential crisis about wtf you do when you run out of story. Cas seemed to think it was an optimistic thing at the start of season 6 according to 6x20, and the rope you hang yourself with when you have free will by the end of it. But this season, after God left and wrote his final manuscript and all the stuff with Metatron and writing was cleared away - there's REALLY no story left and season 12, literally another half of the show later, is getting back to this freak out.

"I'm sorry. You were just there."

That did sound really heavy-handed that Cas might end up having to protect the nephilim if it's born and Kelly dies, and that she was seeing Cas as a potential guardian...

Of course then Cas puts his hand on her stomach when she makes him, smiles a bit despite himself, because, idk, the miracle of life... But then either Lucifer or the baby uses that contact to see stuff - the conflict at the portal I guess. With yellow eyes roar-y sound effects.. I guess Lucifer or Dagon will learn this, and the nephilim is working against Cas and Kelly...

*brief interlude where we have a guest for dinner so I disappear for ages*

ANYWAY I need to get back to this I was interrupted right as Cas and Kelly were having an EPIC conversation about choice it's killing me :P

mittensmorgul good luck. I've got it paused about 2/3 of the way through

elizabethrobertajones Cas just had his hand put on the tummy - forcefully - and he smiled but actually something bad appears to have happened because her eyes lit up and did the demon roary sound effecct

mittensmorgul RIGHT?!

elizabethrobertajones I think the nephilim is spying on them for Lucifer >.> idk if that proves it's evil or if he just has a magic connection?? and it's being exploited and the poor baby is a tool as well WHO KNOWS theeeemes

Anyway I guess they both sensed that - I don't think Kelly is evil but Cas seems to have maaaaybe seen what it saw? Got a premonition for free?? Who knows. Coming right after the talk about Cas being a potential guardian I think the vision showed him protecting her, so it may be pretty significant that he's going to be their guardian... The vision MAY be benign in some senses for THEIR conversation even if it seems kind of dangerous that that might be how Dagon finds them at the portal by having a vision OF her attacking them at the portal or something

Thinking of happening to find people, Dean is at the door. Knock knock, that's my gun.

Woah finally a circumstance to flip that time Cas slammed Dean against a wall

They're framed in the circle this time - interesting we had Sam alone in one circle and Dean and Cas in a charged situation in the other circle

Sam and Dean have both chosen to wear their best jackets for this

Uh, anyway. Argh, Cas getting pushed against the wall and just kind of going and watching Dean, and Dean's so angry, and Cas is just... letting him shove him around. I think letting is the operative word. These days angels aren't quite so iron rigid that like 4x22 you punch them and it makes a clang if they don't want to get punched. But yeah. Cas is still an angel, and he didn't HAVE to get shoved harmlessly against the wall. He could push back, but he KNOWS he did something that would piss Dean off, and he's just gonna ride it out and take the blame and take the punishment... The mission isn't finished yet so he would probably do anything to make sure it was, but only with the "for Dean" tick box checked, that it wouldn't hurt Dean in the process >.>

elizabethrobertajones HOLYC RAP SAm was suspicious THE ENTIRE TIME?? He put the tracking thing on Cas's phone while Dean was being "scammed" out of the Colt because dean let his guard down and fell for Cas's little moment with the tape and he was over-emotional about keeping the Colt close

mittensmorgul yep

elizabethrobertajones and Sam saw something fishy about the way Cas wouldn't look them in the eye and managed to 10 steps ahead Cas while Dean was giving him heart eyes and calling him a "dumbass"

mittensmorgul yep, but Cas was looking Dean in the eye. A lot.

elizabethrobertajones sweet sweet eye love making Ugh :P Dean only looked away at the end when he said he was going to get a beer and I think he was gonna kiss Cas if he didn't distract himself

mittensmorgul yeah

elizabethrobertajones I wonder if Cas's plan B was fall into bed with Dean, grab the colt when he was distracted last night on earth their relationship like yeah he'll never trust me again but

mittensmorgul oh no wait for Dean to nod off and then grab the gun and run

elizabethrobertajones sorry that's kind of morbid :P but yeah

mittensmorgul D:

elizabethrobertajones >.> Okay I hate that but I sort of think it was somewhere on Cas's plans >.> he's heaven's greatest strategist after all went in there with a goal to distract Dean and get the Colt at whatever cost (friendship wise) to protect Dean in the long term

mittensmorgul yeah, I don't think he counted it out as a possibility

elizabethrobertajones I wrote a long thing about how he still sees himself as their guardian and not quite sure about being their friend, after you reminded me of 6x20

mittensmorgul Yeah, because he could live with Dean not trusting him, as long as DEAN WAS ALIVE to not trust him...

elizabethrobertajones or at least he's not sure he can trust he'd be their BFF

mittensmorgul yeah

elizabethrobertajones but he CAN do huge gestures from afar that protect them even if it's at the cost of their relationship the abstract concept of alive winchesters matters to Cas in an angel-y way

"She's difficult to kill, okay?!" "you think?" yeah they're all struggling with this at the moment :P All having the same encounters but apart and coming to the same BLOODY OBVIOUS conclusions

gosh maybe WORKING TOGETHER is the answer

Oh gosh Cas isn't the babysitter

...

*obligatory fandom reference despite the fact Cas has never brought pizza to the bunker which tbh now I think about it is really rude of him and probably on Dean's list of reasons he's currently pissed at Cas*

Anyway Cas tries to do the same speech he's done in 12x09 about how he wants to protect them and keep them safe and so he does dumbass things to do so

Dean's like WHEN ARE WE EVER SAFE. LAST WEEK A BLOOD-DRINKING GOD HAD ME KNOCKED OUT AND SARAN-WRAPPED IN A MEAT LOCKER AND THAT WAS A NORMAL THURSDAY NIGHT

The answer is for Cas to come on all the MotW to hold his hand

[edit from future!me: you’re always right when you’re sarcastic trope x what you expect but not how you expected it]

At least he's being honest about his motivations.

... Dean has no way of knowing it's a sandbox unless Cas told them, so there's that for off-screen communication.

Kelly has a "sandbox!" moment of realisation of what she saw... Was it Cas protecting her from Dagon or the angels she wonders?

"We've found another way!" "which you'd know if you answered the phone" I love when episodes answer my own meta neatly within the time limit :P No loose end on that one.

Cas having the similar ?!?!? moment of realising how silly they were to forget about this.

I mean he has grumpy quibbles about it and holy crap in my 9x11 rewatch I got so distracted by how the needle was not just extracting gadreel's grace but the left over god crap in Sam (as I realised the trials and mark of cain were essentially EXACTLY the same thing from 2 different ends of the spectrum - big helping of Chuck mojo to wield his power, being helping of Amara mojo to wield her power. Sam flashed back to doing the trials - to significantly EARLY in doing the trials, right back to 8x17.) and I wondered if that was screwing with the results, and also why the spell failed.

It's not like a woah angel fall spell revelation but it was something I was wondering about and honestly after sitting around wondering about the mechanics of it for an afternoon just for kicks a while back, the fact this is all back in the spotlight is really making me laugh

Anyway, Kelly's not up for it >.>

Come back Kelly

She thinks both of them dying together (which she was aiming for at the start but for bad reasons but also self-sacrificing reasons which are still motivating her here, that she'd go with Cas to protect everyone) is better than living but with her baby just being a regular old human baby. Dean values humanity above anything - "at least he dies human!" he said about Sam in 4x21 when Bobby suggested detoxing would kill him. If there's a chance for them to LIVE human then that's the happy dream ending, the case solved, random humans can go back to their lives like nothing happened DREAM for Dean so he thinks Kelly has lost her mind. She's working on very different principles here and agreeing with Cas about what to do but not why - Cas just wants to protect humanity (and by humanity - yeah you know the drill)

If Cas steals the impala too I'm going to scream.

"it's like herding cats"

I love when Dean and Cas have long staring competitions though.

Cas seems to agree to talk and drags Kelly off in much the same way as Dagon dragged her off. Even though they agree and he is seeming to be protective of her, and LIKES Kelly and sees her as a person now (despite his original intention to just shut his eyes and kill her)... but yeah, still just the other side of the coin of Heaven and Hell pulling her around and controlling her.

*camera takes its eye off Cas*

*whoops back on it to watch Misha fumbling catching the keys* I wonder how many takes before Amanda gives up and is like fine we'll use that one - at least you CAUGHT them

huh, he gets in the back. That is NOT what I was expecting.

What the heck Cas you don't just throw the keys to Kelly

Now she's gonna steal the car

okay so like I said, things are predictable but not how you expect... Dabb era in a nutshell and also cars are involved

I wonder if Cas didn't immediately stop Kelly stealing the car because he knows they're both indestructible but the car isn't and Dean is in the mood where he will actually stab Cas if the car gets busted up.

There's something a lot like Hael here, which is how Cas's story all started with the character reboot of human Cas (he never recovered from it emotionally; Cas between 8x23 and 9x01 are more different than 9x01 and now Cas in some ways)

But yeah, the "where are you going?" "heaven and I'll make you tell me how to go there" thing - it's the same assured way Hael uses to talk about how they'll go see the grand canyon and then she'll possess him.

And he hopes he can talk her out of it. He agreed to talk to Dean about options but Kelly has decided what is best for her and her kid - to go to Heaven, where she's clearly imagining a Mary's Heaven she left behind scenario of chillaxing with her baby even though Heaven doesn't work like that. Now he can't talk to Dean about options but he's stuck in the car with Kelly... all he can do is talk if he doesn't want to crash the car

oh no Lucifer must have been talking to her pretending to be the baby. Weird contradictory if I go with your plan (to go to Heaven and be obliterated) then you'd make sure my son is born? And she thinks it was talking to her. Now it's full on creepy if it was ACTUALLY the baby, but... I suspect foul play

Oh why does Cas never get anything good. We have the exact same Hael situation except at least Hael wasn't being controlled/manipulated (can we retcon all of Kelly’s silly actions were because of this?) and just had no idea how to want things in a human non-creepy way and seemed to think what she wanted was good in a rational angel way. But Kelly has a ton of confidence all of a sudden, like... a divine purpose, but obviously not :P And suddenly all that stuff about protecting her child? That seemed really sweet and nice when she and Cas were talking person to person before the creepy stuff started? Now she wants to FORCE it on him and give him no choice. She's in the driver's seat in a stolen car, making the demands, and now she's taken choice out of the equation >.>

Anyway Kelly really wants a guardian angel but Cas already has his hands full with the bloody Winchesters

hijacking their angel too

Cas continues to have his existential crisis and instead of pointing out some legit complaints about being abducted and forced into it, he lists even more of his failures that he's accrued since the LAST time he was listing all of his failures

this is like... the worst day ever for Cas, and he once got stabbed with a thing meant to kill angels by turning them into black foam from the inside out :P

He betrayed his friends - his FAMILY

Holy shiiiit Kelly is talking about her PAST and who she was before she was the container for Lucifer's baby what is thiiiis?

*low bar leapt over with style*

"I wish I had your faith" "You will" Oh gosh those are creepy lines from her. And tragic ones from Cas. Because he really has no faith any more in anything because he knows that the higher powers are on holiday and the original plan ended 6 years ago and everything since has been a series of over-reacting disasters usually his fault.

I am so pleased that the Kelly actress (who I don't even know the NAME of because she's been so insignificant that no one talks about her and presumably so hated she's keeping a low profile) has actually had stuff to do... I hope people weren't predisposed to hate her because she'd done nothing so far and were willing to give her a chance with better writers, because as a salvage job on her character this isn't half bad. She's still doing really irrational stuff but she's by now clearly being manipulated, and her actual moments of character stuff outside of that are actually exploring who she is, what she wants, and how this has changed her, working within the pretty crappy bounds of this story but at least giving the actress stuff to work with and the character some depth.

Anyway Dean hates Cas's truck :<

I mean it's symptomatic of this current break up where Cas tried to give the mixtape back and all but

(I split up with my angel boyfriend and all I got in the divorce was this shitty truck)

elizabethrobertajones OH NO Dean's sympathetic to Cas's pliiiiiiight even while he's piiiisssed "he's so desperate for a win he can't even see straight"

mittensmorgul I KNOW

elizabethrobertajones and that's while being totally furious at him

mittensmorgul SCREAMING FOREVER

elizabethrobertajones and Sam has no idea and Dean's keeping a tally of all the miserable stuff Cas has been through

Uhoh, the Heaven portal.

Why do I have a feeling this is going to go terribly.

Cas can get a win on HIS terms if he thinks/knows Kelly will be obliterated by doing this (and he asks if she's sure). She thinks she's about to - I have no idea, but survive this and have her baby so SHE'S sure about what SHE thinks this is about.

and will totally not give Cas his win

but he's kind of been manhandled into doing this

does it even count even if it WORKED

which it won’t

"As long as you're here I know it's going to be okay"

*Cas like ....*

Ew why is Joshua this random white bloke

Okay so he did die instantly, which would have been shitty if it had been the other guy or ANY black dude as a hasty re-casting (especially as we have no idea how Kelvin is at this point but I'm guessing NOT GOOD) buuut even so :P

I mean it was intentionally meant to be a record scratch end that idea moment that Heaven was really going to be up for much or have any useful sway on this, or that Josha was meant to be anything... But ugh :P Well, on the whole I guess bland white guy getting insta-killed is better than a black dude being pointlessly added to their tally, but Joshua was the last named angel in Heaven, really cool when we actually met him (this doesn't feel like it counts) and definitely always the cool angel we met that day because it's so important in that instance. Like yeah this whole onging existential crisis thing - he was the warning sign of that in 5x16 where Cas lost faith that day because of what he said that confirmed the universe was this badly run, and where we are is now deep in the results of the universe having a god that doesn't care and being a mere 6 years post apocalypse and being run by no one, not even the archangels who'd kept order in the meantime, or the way Joshua had talked to God. And it removes God's last link here except in the main characters and their new stewardship of the earth, their legacy handed to them by God in 11x23...

Mneh, I liked Joshua from 5x16 though and even it fits with this theme of the season and was MEANT to be disappointing, it is hard to separate what the show does wrong from what it does intentionally to unsettle and upset you :P

Anyway Dagon doing stuff

Does Cas still have the Colt on him - was there even time in all the hassle for Dean to get it back?

Aw Kelvin's dead.

Pfft yeah Dean took the Colt and so Cas is going into this with basically nothing

Dagon is revealing how it was aaaall a manipulation, apparently including letting Kelly think Cas was supposed to protect her, even to bring her there.

"sad fluttering aimless little moth"

Oh she's distracted picking Cas up to shake him around some more. Maybe Kelly will continue stealing things and take Cas's angel blade and stab Dagon :P

This episode has done enough to not make it wasteful or annoying to kill her off, since she's actually been genuinely threatening and terrifying and right now if Kelly kills her it's a real victory

Nope, the shitty truck shows up just in time because Winchesters always have your back and somehow know where your heaven portal is parked

wAIT

10x17 Sam was here before

I'm really starting to lose track of season 10 and need to get on with that rewatch holy crap that was embarrassing.

I mean in an episode ABOUT the sandbox and I even thought about Bobbby earlier when Cas was talking about humans not being able to go through it so he did to talk to Bobby, I mean really come on Lizzy

Anyway Sam shoots Dagon pointlessly but enough times to make her drop Cas RIGHT as she was about to dust him, and Dagon was talking ironically about showing up in the nick of time

Noooooooooooooooo RIP Colt

I did not see Yellow Eyed Demon kills Colt instead of the other way around

It did not die in slow motion which is even more disappointing

Aaaaah Kelly powering up Cas

I sort of feel like she's made him her puppet - that the nephilim has "chosen" Cas because he's a good conduit for the power. This is very very not good and again because control is being taken away from Cas and it seems so creepy, it's not a good thing that he's the guardian. If Kelly's vision was from the nephilim, Cas is now in a very dangerous situation that her baby likes him and wants to use him while it can't use its powers for itself.

I think it's awesome a YED died by burning up, not going to lie :P

Not sure Cas knows what happened

OH NO Cas is talking like he knows his purpose in the world in that kind of calm everything's great way

Our Cas is a mess who has no idea wtf he's doing so yeah...

(He did however heal Dean by putting his hand over his arm and catching his thumb under his hand so that's like 10% of hand holding >.>)

Anyway Dean gets to worry about him.

"I know now this child has to be born with ALL of his power" ... Yeah that's exactly what Kelly wanted

Oh boy

"I have faith"

Who are you and what have you done to Cas

Which can be an actual literal question on this show :P

I guess if we're going with the season 6 parallels this is a kind of creepy godstiel thing going on here but he's just a conduit to the power and is slightly off to the side as the guardian angel, though I suspect it's a similar problem >.>

LOL we're not going to let you walk away

*boop*

he does Sam first, of course

"??? Don't - "

*boop*

CHRIST you didn't have to drag the moose skull hanging from Cas's dash OVER SAM that's SO FUCKING RUDE

My dad phoned right at this point so that was bad timing :P

ANYWAY that makes me SO WORRIED about Sam. He keeps being isolated and put in little circles and triangles and I've been dreading the moose skull omen since 12x01 and now it's on top of Sam finally. AAAH.

Tbh there's equally scary Dean might die symbolism but the Sam stuff is wigging me out this year :P

ANYWAY Cas has lost his agency AGAIN to a Lucifer influence AGAIN

Can't believe Amanda Tapping made Cas leave Dean lying on the floor like... there's rude and then there's RUDE.

(I mean Sam was there too but look there was not 1 dead Sam in that warehouse)

I CAN’T BELIEVE AMANDA TAPPING TOOK CAS’S AGENCY AGAIN

Also Sam and Dean lying there pointed away from each other - going different ways.

I jokingly wrote to Mittens that Cas is driving off into the future and then remembered that's how Glynn's last episode ended and I suddenly think that script ending was shown to us just to tease us because of the Claire and Cas parallel, only Claire's hopefully going somewhere positive, and Cas... is possibly now an agent of the destruction of the world so that's all great.

Also Lucifer ended up not being involved again at all and it got so sketchy with Cas I'm now starting to think that the baby probably IS as dangerous as they say it is, Cas was paralleled to Dagon and Dagon at the start had her vision of HER place in the world at the baby's side and that's what it wants from Cas

and also now I'm thinking about the need to destroy fathers on the show and well a little newborn infant fighting Lucifer would be a bit of a joke but it WOULD be cool if nephilim!Cas went and blew up Lucifer as a threat to its power

I'm gonna think about that for a while :P

Also need to go write in Dean making Cas a mixtape to Terrible Coffee AU

#12x19 #season 12 spoilers #suicide cw #can't believe the main plot of season 12 has turned into guardian angel theft #my stuff

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