#pls dont ignore all the work ive done to make this character a character

[chaosbcund]

*:･ﾟ✧ anyway id like to personally thank everyone who supports what ive done for this boy and not following canon nor fanon for him, as it’s really not an easy thing. but y’all allow me to run rampant with my ideas for him that canon writers are too cowardly to do themselves, and i really appreciate it! it’s really important to me. so thank you!

*:･ﾟ✧ but i also wanna thank those who just... treat him like they should, both ic and ooc. a living super form on fucking crack is not something to simply play around with or doubt, and i really appreciate those who acknowledge that! but also, those who acknowledge how unpredictable and downright terrifying he can be. responding to his personality n mood switches, especially his scarier ones (like when actually being serious), make me really happy bc its something that should be responded to. ik muses getting used to it in a general sense happens and thats okay! but he’s unpredictable for a reason--- if he’s suddenly talking smooth and making total sense, while still being as threatening as ever, it really should not just be shrugged off.

*:･ﾟ✧ tldr thank u guys for letting me go feral with writing him as well as just appreciating and acknowledging what ive done for him! canon and fanon be damned.

[wickedpact]

dear tumblr user crim wickedpact pls write the essay/dissertation about nicky being shakespeare's fair youth (if you have time, ofc!!)

Not To Imply Nicky Was Shakespeare’s Fair Youth But Ive Read The Fair Youth Sonnets & Nicky Was Definitely Shakespeare’s Fair Youth, an essay by me, tumblr user crim wickedpact

background knowledge: our man shakespeare wrote some 120 sonnets about a young man referred to as the Fair Youth during the mid 1590s; there has been some debate among shakespeare enthusiasts whether shakespeare’s interest in the Fair Youth was platonic or romantic (but like. they were definitely romantic). no one knows for sure who the Fair Youth was, but it was definitely nicky and my first and most important piece of evidence regarding this hypothesis is the ‘lmao babe do you remember that guy who had a crush on me?’/ ‘i try not to remember the guy who had a crush on you’ look joe and nicky exchange when Merrick brings up shakespeare during the movie. especially since gina confirmed in a tweet that joe and nicky canonly did know shakespeare

my second piece of evidence is that it just Works (except for a couple small facts like.. the Fair Youth was prolly closer to his 20s than his 30s. and the fact that shakespeare implies that the Fair Youth slept with his mistress at one point. but he doesnt know what hes talking about shhh we IGNORE)

long post under cut

A. The Description Matches

when describing the Fair Youth (who I’ll call the FY from now on), shakespeare says he has a ‘gold complexion’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ and compares him to a ‘summer’s day’. He says the FY has “A woman’s gentle heart" and “An eye more bright than [women’s are], (...) Gilding the object whereupon [they] gazeth”

As much as shakespeare’s perceptions of sexuality and gender are very........  late 1500′s (whoo boy sonnet #20 is a wild ride) ...... the description does match, and also:

  B. The Fair Youth Refused to Get Married

it’s never really said why one way or another (shakespeare assumes it’s because the FY is selfish) but the FY didn’t/wouldn’t take on a wife and have a kid, and this was something that was a real sticker for our man Willy S. because, as he says in his sonnets a million times: beauty doesn’t last forever, but having a child not only passes down the FY’s beauty, but also blesses the woman the FY would have a child with (im not saying shakespeare wanted to bear the FY’s children, but he definitely did)

Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. For where is she so fair whose uneared womb Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?

(ie. If you don’t renew yourself/ have children, you deprive the world and deprive a woman from having your child, since what woman out there is so beautiful that she wouldn’t want to bear your child?)

Like.

1.) if nicky is the FY then so many of these poems center around the idea of nicky growing old sometime soon and that must have been pretty funny to Nicky and

2.)  the fact that shakespeare would have been So Desperate for nicky to find a wife must have been the opposite of funny to joe. considering the ease of his and nicky’s relationship and the fact that being gay in late 1500s england was probably not a walk in the park, it is very likely shakespeare wouldn’t have known they were in a committed relationship-- or at least not known how close they actually were. Thus:

  C. The Rival (aka. Joe)

shakespeare mentions having a poetic rival in regards to the FY in several sonnets. In sonnet #21 he talks about how he’s not like Those Other Writers who use grand metaphors to talk about their muses

So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare,

(ie. I’m not like other poets who, when inspired by a ‘painted beauty’ use heaven and every other beautiful thing on the planet to make a grand comparison to their muse: he specifically lists the sun and moon as examples as well as other beautiful things)

He then goes on to say

And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air:

(ie. my love [the FY] is as beautiful as any other beautiful person, though I wouldn’t compare them to the stars/heavens (which is what he means by the 'gold candles’. those are stars.))

So shakespeare insults poets who compare their subjects to the sun, moon, and stars (amongst other things) and in the comics, Joe does literally exactly that

That man is the stars in my sky, and the sun that lights my days. That man is the moon when I'm lost in darkness, and warmth when I shiver in cold.

shakespeare also goes on to say in the same sonnet “Let them say more that like of hearsay well / I will not praise that purpose not to sell” which is to say ‘let people who like that kind of language use it, I wont because I don’t want anyone else to have the subject of my affections (the FY)’.

(which is a bit of a contradiction regarding his feelings abt the FY getting married, but these sonnets are full of contradictions. shakespeare was a confused dude; man spent the first 100 or so sonnets convinced the FY loved him back only for him to start wondering if the FY ever loved him near the end)

(not to mention Marriage For Love wasnt really.. much of a thing in Ye Olden Times but thats a different conversation. so shakespeare prolly didnt associate marriage with love/competition? anyways)

Shakesy-boo goes on to complain about this rival several times. In #79, he says

Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent He robs thee of, and pays it thee again. He lends thee virtue, and he stole that word From thy behaviour; beauty doth he give, And found it in thy cheek: he can afford No praise to thee, but what in thee doth live.

(ie. everything ‘your poet’ (as the FY apparently favored this unnamed rival) says about you, he takes it from you in the first place. he talks about your virtue, but learned the word from watching your behavior. he calls you beautiful but only discovered beauty by looking at your face. every compliment he gives you he took from you in the first place)

[and, as a smaller example, he also bemoans the fact that people want to paint the FY in #67, saying, “Why should false painting imitate his cheek, / And steal dead seeming of his living hue?”. and yknow. Joe’s an artist.]

And then another example in #86

Was it the proud full sail of [the rival’s] great verse, Bound for the prize of all too precious you, That did my ripe thoughts in my brain inhearse, Making their tomb the womb wherein they grew?

Was it his spirit, by spirits taught to write Above a mortal pitch, that struck me dead?

(ie. he’s talking about how he’s having difficulty writing abt the FY and is rhetorically asking if ‘the proud sail’ of the rival’s verses was the reason his ‘ripe thoughts’ were killed in their ‘womb’. He then asks (again rhetorically) if it was the rival’s ‘spirit’ (or creativity, maybe) ‘’’‘by spirits taught to write’’’’ that killed his own drive to write. none of the analyses I’ve read really explain what shakespeare means by ‘spirits taught to write’, other than maybe being a joke or reference to something we dont know, but... ‘taught by dead people to write in a way mortal people can’t’ very much sounds like a description of an immortal poet, eh?)

Which brings me to,

  D. Willy Boy Thinks There Are 500 Year Old Writings About the Fair Youth

shakespeare talks about people having written about the FY ‘500 years ago’ from the late 1500s in #59 which......................... would have been around 1100 AD. :thinking face:

Oh that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done, That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame;

(ie. Oh if I could look back 500 years and see how you were described in some old books so I could see/reference what people used to write about you)

Which again brings me to,

  E. I’m Not Saying shakespeare Stole From Joe, But:

1.) In #22, shakespeare says this,

For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me: 

(ie, your beauty is due to the ‘clothes’ my heart gives you-- probably means something like ‘you’re beautiful because i love you’. goes on to say his heart lives in the FY’s chest, and the FY’s heart lives in shakespeare’s chest)

so: shakespeare tells the FY he has shakespeare’s heart. in comparison, Joe calls nicky ‘my heart’ in the comics...... :thinking face x2:

2.) In #109, shakespeare tells the FY ‘thou art my all’,

For nothing this wide universe I call, Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.

which rings similar to Joe’s ‘he’s all and he’s more’ as well as (from the comics) ‘he is my everything’

and just saying. joe looks pretty #done the mention of shakespeare.

  F. The last One

Despite shakespeare writing 30+ poems about the FY eventually growing old, the very last poem he writes about/for the FY says,

O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle hour; Who hast by waning grown, and therein showest Thy lovers withering, as thy sweet self growest. 

(ie. you [the FY] have power over the ‘mirror’ (fickle glass) of time as well as time’s ‘harvesting’ ability (sickle hour) and as you grow older, you remain beautiful while your lovers [shakespeare] wither and grow old)

The transition from ‘get married and have a baby before you get old!!!!’ in #1-20 to talking about the FY’s presence in 500 y/o books in #59 to admitting the FY isn’t growing old in #126 kinda seems to imply shakespeare learning of/about nicky’s immortality at some point, and this last poem is him accepting it.

TLDR: not only does it make perfect sense if nicky was the Fair Youth from the FY sonnets, but it also makes perfect sense if joe was the Rival from the FY sonnets. its canon nothing will convince me otherwise

[aliensunflower-fics]

In Defense of Salt AND Sugar: Aka ML Fandom pls chill out.

So I don’t talk much as those who follow me will say I tend to just stick to myself and my own things. HOWEVER, Ive gotten a lot of asks about why I write both Salt and Sugar for Miraculous Ladybug.

The short answer: Both salt and sugar are valid, fun, intriguing things to read and write and the point of writing is to entertain and be entertained.

The long answer: Salt isn’t inherently someone hating on your fav show and sugar isn't someone necessarily giving it a free pass either. Ya’ll are just dramatic as hell.

The LONGER answer:

I write salt because I LIKE Miraculous Ladybug, BUT the show has not lived up to its potential AT ALL. The show could be so much better and the characters are so flawed or full of holes that occasionally I feel FRUSTRATED and mad!

I hate that Alya a character who I was so excited about, gets shafted ignored, sidelined, or written like a jerk! She could have been this great detective working alongside her friend to unmask the villain, but instead she often comes across as pushy, obsessed with Ladynoir or Adrinette, and so damn easily tricked. Not to mention how when shes not gushing over her ‘ships’ shes pushed to the side and ignored. [or you know... LILA]

I hate that Marinette’s crush makes her do things that are so cringy and awkward i feel ill I hate that she’s constantly the only one making mistakes and ‘learning lessons’ when the show has all these other great characters that could use the spotlight and be the ones learning lessons. I hate that she’s so jealous and that she cant ever seem to catch a break as if the show is punishing her constantly.

I HATE that Adrien is a mary sue, how the writers say hes perfect and treat him as such, I hate that he gets to guilt Marinette into fixing everything and dealing with bullies, I wanted a funny, Ron Stoppable, naive boy who learns about real friendships and grows into a great partner. Instead he gets to be pushy and downright a jerk as Chat Noir ignoring his responsibilities, guilting Ladybug with his feelings, never taking no as an answer. He’s not a good role model for kids.

I hate that Chloe got built up to have a redemption arc several times only for the writers to decide that Chloe a teenage girl who needs some serious therapy [and actual reasonable punishment for her actions] is worse than Gabriel child abuse Agreste. She could have been a great lesson on compassion and growth and dealing with your own pain without hurting others. Instead the writers wrote her off completely.

And dont get me started on how the show treats Nino, Kagami, Luka and the rest of the cast. They may as well be a backdrop for the forced love square that we NEVER get a break from. Seriously I’m a sucker for romance but does it need to be EVERY damn episode?! Can’t we just get some wholesome friendship between everyone including Adrien and Marinette at this point like COME ON.

And i’m not even touching on the white washing, awful lessons on responsibility and forgiveness, awful lessons on well so much other stuff really, the guilt trips, the teacher, the fact that she show could be used to teach kids how to better handle negative emotions and the importance of open communication and not keeping quiet about injustice and/or your feelings but instead decided that the main priority should be a love square that gets force fed to us EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

My point is the show has FLAWS. That doesn’t mean its the worse show ever and it doesn’t mean its not fun, and has a great premise and characters, and so when I write Salt I write it because i’m frustrated! Im frustrated with the show, with the characters, with the writing and so I vent that out with salt I write those characters as their worst selves because I cant stand how the show has decided to treat them and Im ANGRY and disappointed.

It feels good to write salt and to read it. It’s nice to see characters get called out for bad behavior, its nice to read about Adrien not getting the girl. Its nice to occasionally indulge in salt because it validates that the show is flawed and lets you get out that frustration.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

Miraculous Ladybug is a lovely show. It’s a show that decided to give little girls a FEMALE HERO. And not just as a side kick or background character! No they made her the protagonist! Its so important to me that little girls see good well rounded female characters in media.

And even if the show is clumsy about it they are TRYING to build an expansive lore that tickles the theorist brain. And gets people invested in the world.

The show also made Marinette shy, and awkward, and clumsy something a lot of girls deal with during puberty as growing up can literally make you clumsier as your body adjusts. Having a character who tries to be positive and tries to find solutions who solves things with creativity instead of pure violence. Thats LOVELY for young girls to see.

Growing up I loved and admired Kim Possible, and probably would have loved Marinette, even if the shows not perfect I can admit its trying and I can see why people love it as much as they do! And why they write these fluffy sugary fics its the reason I WRITE fluffy sugary things.

Because even though I am frustrated and angry and disappointed with the show, I still see Alya’s potential and how great she is as representation to little girls who want a black female superhero so I write fluff where Alya’s loyalty, compassion, cleverness and her pursuit of justice are center stage.

I see how Adrien could be better and I want him to be better and I WANT him to be the naive funny comic relief the Ron Stoppable to Marinette’s Kim Possible. I want Adrien to grow and learn and spit in his dad’s face I want him to overcome the abuse and be happy. To show people that neglect and abuse doesn’t mean you will get stuck like that forever, that you can overcome that and be a better kinder person.

I want Nino and Kagami, and Luka and Chloe and the class to grow and get attention and have funny moments I want to laugh and make other people laugh! So I write prompts focused around comedy and shenanigans and where the characters get to be fun and silly and make decisions for themselves!

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I write salt AND sugar. I see the value and merit in both sides of the coin, and I respect how other people see the show. I know its easy to get angry with other people in the fandom who see the show differently then you do but please can we put down the weapons and just BREATHE.

Someone who writes salt might LOVE the same show as you, and they might in fact love it so much that they vent their frustrations in angst and salt and cracky fics. Let them vent about how they wish the show was better, leave their tags alone or block them if you cant stand to see it. But dont attack salt writers for ‘hating on your show’ when they might love it just as much as you do but want a way to vent out their feelings.

On the flip someone who writes sugar might NOT be forgiving the show for its flaws, they might see all the same flaws as you but decide to take that frustration and write fluff and fix it fics and sugar because they want to indulge in a version of their favorite show where everything is just... OK. Where everyone is well written and happy and the character development sticks. Stay out of their tags let them have their sugar, they aren't writing it to hurt you just like you don't write salt to hurt them.

So ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each others tags. Let people write SALT if they feel angry and vengeful and disappointment, let them have their tags, let them explore the dark side of the characters, let them rant and rave and be HURT when the characters they love upset them with their actions. Its not your place to tell them to stop, to tell them their feelings are invalid, to tell them that ‘adrien is sweet sunshine boy how dare you’ or ‘alya would never’ or ‘i hate your marinette leaves dupont au’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

AND ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each other tags. Let people write SUGAR if they just want something to feel happy about. Let them makes coffee shop au’s, let them make fix it fics where everything is just happy without needing 8 pages of backstory for why everything is just happy. Let them squeal and gush and talk about the ship they like and the fluff they see. Its not your place to argue with them that the show is flawed, its not cool to ruin their fun by accusing them of not understanding the flaws, to tell them ‘umm actual this character shouldn’t get to be happy’ or ‘wow this is so shallow’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

PS: Now with that said and done. I do have one final message for everyone - If you write/enjoy pedophilia, if you sexualize KIDS. Then get the fuck out of fandom spaces, stop fucking following me, and do everyone salt and sugar a favor by LEAVING. Your pedophilia and child sexualization aint wanted, aint ok, and I will fight you.

PSS: IF YOU HATE WHAT IVE SAID ABOUT SUGAR AND SALT FINE OK I RESPECT YOU REGARDLESS. ENJOY THE SHOW, STAY CLASSY, DONT HURT PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION.

[bluebeetle]

ooo those comic asks let's go 1, 2, 9, 12, 15, 23, 34, 42 sorry that's so much i just want your comic takes

answering this was difficult bc my cat decided she needed to walk all over me and my laptop the moment you sent this

1. How has DC/Marvel/publishing company wronged you, specifically?

oh god in many ways. For dc:

>making talia evil >making cass evil and then ignorable

>making jason suddenly an antihero with no development to go from villain to hero

>letting babs walk again

>the whole mess with wally west after the reboot and the two wallys. also he hasnt talked to pied piper YET ITS BEEN YEARS

>almost everything about the n52 reboot honestly

>countdowns existence but esp the plotpoint where they took my fave minor character pied piper and handcuffed him to trickster and then had trickster be homophobic to him for most of the 52 issues; this is not treated as a bad thing. also trickster has known pied piper for years and was never homophobic before i hate dan didio

for marvel:

>constantly making the comics more like the MCU pls fucking STOP i hat you so much

>trying to make loki evil again. die.

>everything theyve done to wanda. everything. but esp making her not related to magneto again. or the incest thing in ultimates. ugh

2. What character death for the sake of drama was the worst?

dc: hmmmm most of the deaths i can think of i dont mind. i guess most ppls deaths in Heroes in Crisis, esp roy's. that was so dumb ugh. not big on them killing damian but the writing in batman and robin was rly good so it makes up for it. im sure theres someone im forgetting--oh WAIT

bart allens death in the flash it sucked so bad and one of his creators was so upset and died before bart allen was revived. that one definitely that one.

i blocked it from my mind

marvel: WANDA WANDA WANDA WANDA WANDA STOP KILLING ER OFF FOR DRAMA DEAR GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

9. What’s the worst plotline you’ve read?

oh boy. does all star batman and robin count its rly bad ghhgf i also didnt rly get checkmate (2021). also i guess theres a lot of talias bad writing that i went thru for damian ):

for marvel uhhhh i dont read enough marvel so i have nothing to say. maybe when i read house of M well say that one lol. i did read some of civil war in middle school?

12. Are there any comics you’ve read knowing they’re bad and why?

not many. all star batman and robin bc its so bad its funny. parts of rhato for that jason content but ive never finished it and i think rhato vol 2 isnt always bad.

for marvel, nah

15. Tell me about a plotline that could have been interesting if anyone else wrote it.

anything devon grayson does tbh like dealing with dicks stress over murder and guilt or him being romani (Tho him not knowing is dumb). it was so bad and racist ugh. other than that I think the spyral and ric grayson arcs coulda been good if they were like, combined maybe? and shorter. lmao

also the current robin 2021 run tbh... i think the idea of a tournment and damian grappling with guilt could be fun but the writer cares waaaaaay too much about his ocs to give damian real breathing room

speaking of damian: teen titans 2016 coulda been SO fun if they werent so racist and wanting to make damian a bad guy for caring about immigrants and people of colour lol. i rly loved what few good moments he had with wally, emiko, jackson, and the others.

for marvel... mybe trial of magneto coulda worked if the writers cared about magneto and wanda lol. or x-factor 2020 it had some good ideas but was ruined by the writers weirdness about akihiro and david... like just the racism combined with weird views of bi men lol

23. If you could erase one comic book from canon, what would it be?

oh this one is so hard.... either heroes in crisis (wally being a mass murderer) or batgirl 2011--no more abled babs she doesnt exist.

or countdown. i rly fucking hate countdown.

for marvel idk. can i just destroy the mcu instead

oh wait. ultimates avengers. pls i dont want to think about the ultimates universe maximoff twins ever AGAIN

34. Which retcon do you hate the most?

for DC, four come to mind:

>Parallax isn't Hal Jordans fault

so if u dont know hal jordan back in the 90s broke down after his city was destroyed by doomsday and he lost many loved ones. as a result he went full on villain (parallax) and ended up destroying most of the green lantern corps and caused the zero hour event

he then was killed and later came back as the hero spectre, basically being a ghost hero and trying to atone for his actions he did in the lowest point of his life

anyways later on geoff johns got the reins and revived Hal and said it wasn't hal's fult at all, he was just possessed by an evil space bug made of fear, the real Parallax.

aaaand i hate that. I hate taking away Hals role in everything and making him a victim. I dont mind the other retcons Geoff Johns did to GL lore--hell i prefer it because he really fleshed things out and added the other colours and explained the weakness to yellow even!--but I think it all could have been done without stripping Hal of any wrong doings or guilt. Its rly lame.

>Babs can walk again!

ok not rly a retcon bc she was still shot but i hate it i hate it so much die die die die die die die die

>Jason was actually a rly mean, stupid, and bad robin and no one liked him and his death was inevitable

He had his momentts of violence, yes but his anger had a trigger; he wasnt angry all the time, he was a sweet and intelligent kid who loved Bruce a lot and had a rocky relationship with Dick at first but they did eventually get along. He had a few friends, knew the titans, and was well liked by his family.

too many stories stress his violence and impulsiveness and make him out to be a bad person with at least trying to explore why he is that way and sympathsize with him.

not only that but the treating of his death as inevitable or his fault or anything like that frustrates me so fucking much bc the weight of death in the family, of its aftermath and a lonely place of dying, of under the red hood, really hinges on the fact that jasons death was a tragedy, one that shook Bruce like no other. because he lost his child who he loved!!!!!

wait fourth one

>theres two wally wests with the same powers

super lame. shoulda either made the black wally into bart allen with some explaination for the fake name or just kept the black wally and given him white wallys memories and stuff. maybe aged him up idk. it was such a cop out

for marvel. well we all kn ow what its gonna be

>WHY THE FUYCK IS MAGNETO NOT WANDA AND PIETROS DAD ANYMORE? WHAT THE FUCK? IT RUINS SO MANY STORIES AND ITS STUPID AND ITS JUST STUPID MCU BULLSHIT I HATE IT SO MUCH FUCKING UNDO IT

42. What’s a fandom trope you hate?

oh boy.

>Dick and/or Damian get rescued by the mean racists by Bruce and/or Tim and/or Jason. Cass and Duke are mysteriously absent.

>Bruce has all his kids with him! Who's Cassandra? (....who's duke?)

>Jason was manipulated by the big mean Talia into hating his dad. He has never done anything wrong in his life, its all Talia who hates Bruce so much she wants to marry him or something idk i never read a talia comic in my life

>Redhead jason. let it fucking DIE

>tim is the best robin ever and a lil uwu bean and damian and jason are just soooo mean and always wrong esp damian whos 10

>whats a woman

>did you guys know you make Dick hot without making him a '''''slut'''' esp since hes an SA victim.....

>im so tired of jokes about republican wally esp since none of these ppl have ever read his flash run or even know who linda park or hartley rathaway are

>making jack drake way more abusive than he actually is in canon (hes neglectful at times yes) for sad white boy points or making jason a victim of CSA for sad white boy points (also you guys know someone doesnt have to have been assaulted to hate sexual assault right????)

>making tim asian and jason latino. holy racist stereotypes batman

im sure theres WAY more i could do but theyve been blocked out of my mind for now

for marvel tbh i dont deal with the marvel fandom much so!

the most i could say is

>forgetting loki is bi and genderfluid bc they wanna fuck a white cishet boy

i did all of this and realised i only talked about dc and had to go back and add marvel btw jvfdhghfdhgfdh

[yongtxt]

hundred [johnny]

word count: 4.5k words

characters: boxer!johnny x doctor!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: blood/wound/stitches mentions, johnny hates hospitals but he likes the pretty doctor, [im not a doctor nor a boxer pls dont say that i have info wrong because I Know]

author’s note: i know this isnt long to some of u but to me it is and i havent written this much for so long im so proud of myself for finishing this:( it isnt that good but this is the first long fic ive written in a while and shhsdjk also i needed to get this out of my system ive thought about this au since that jcc came out where johnny and hyuck was doing muay thai plssss (i couldnt find a better gif tho) ok this is getting too long / feedback is appreciated tysm

Johnny Suh hated hospitals with a burning passion.

It wasn't from a past trauma nor was he afraid of it, it wasn't that serious. He wasn't exactly sure what the cause of it really was. If he had to make a guess, it was probably from the accumulation of the little things, the insignificant factors people would usually dismiss but bothered him enough that it contributed to the big hatred he built for hospitals.

Maybe it was the distinct smell of hospitals, it reeked of death and old people. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the fluorescent-lit hallways, always gloomy and heavy. Maybe it was also the fact that the fees were so expensive and yet the food they provide tasted horrible, even the coffee was a hit or miss. The only upside he could think of was people get better in hospitals, but even that wasn't assured.

Despite how much Johnny despised hospitals, he always finds himself coming back. If he wanted to get better, he had no choice but to go. He would endure the gruesome process over and over again whether it be to treat his wounds or to stitch his cuts.

With his jaw littered with small bruises and his lips busted at the corner, he sat impatiently on the hospital bed as he waited for his doctor. He was fiddling with his fingers, knuckles bruised the same way his face was. He looked beaten up, he always did.

The clothes he wore contradicted the state he was in, they were fresh and laid back. He looked like a college student from the way he dressed. A delinquent more like, if one considered his cuts and bruises. Before heading to the hospital, he always makes it a point to shower and make himself appear presentable to the public. Although no one really bothers to take notice of his effort, only him.

The sliding door opened and Johnny's attention shot up from his phone, his gaze meeting with yours. Your head popped in, peaking through the small crack you made. Your eyes lit up in recognition as it always did whenever you see him.

"Youngho-ssi?" You spoke almost as if it was a question, voice barely above a whisper to make sure you were in the correct room, about to tend the correct patient.

Johnny didn't understand why you always did that, call out his name as if this was the first time you were seeing him. At that point, you've been already acquainted with him enough due to his numerous trips to the hospital. Either way, he nods every time.

You gave him a small smile, widening the door enough so you could enter. You wore a white lab coat, a name tag pinned to your chest and a stethoscope hung around your neck. You were small, although anyone compared to him was bound to be comparatively smaller – that wasn't the point, you looked young and that never fails to astound him every time you go through the door.

You had a clipboard in your hands, scanning through what he assumed to be his condition that a nurse had written earlier after a quick checkup and disinfection of his open wound. Your lips were formed on a tight line, eyebrows furrowed. He continued to stare at you with such amusement.

"You don't have to answer my question, Youngho-ssi, but why are you always here?" You finally broke the silence, startling him in the slightest. You never bothered to ask before, always just offering smiles and small talks while you did your work; maybe his sudden regularity of coming to the hospital recently made your curiosity peaked.

He couldn't blame you. Anybody would be curious why a 24-year-old man keeps coming back to the hospital with no clear explanation.

He cleared his suddenly dry throat, he never liked saying his job. He said, "I box for a living."

"Ah, that makes sense!" Your eyes visibly glimmered, absentmindedly jotting down notes on his medical records. "My coworkers and I thought you were in a gang or something."

"I don't think I would be allowed to be here if I was." He chuckled, making you giggle as well.

"Seo Youngho, 24, minor lip laceration in need of immediate suture." You read of his data from the clipboard, almost comically. It was medical terms he was unfortunately already too familiar with, to him, it basically meant that he had a busted lip that needs to be sewed shut.

"You can just call me Johnny. Youngho sounds too formal to me." He said nonchalantly. You nodded your head to his simple request; it probably was best if you got to know him better since he frequented the hospital so much.

"Alright, Johnny. We'll start the process now, okay?"

With keen eyes, he watched you slip on a pair of surgical gloves. You grabbed a tissue from the metal tray that sat beside him and began folding it into squares. He felt his heartbeat quicken, he hated getting stitches or any form of medical treatments for that matter, but as morbid as it was, he thought of it as punishment for his recklessness in the ring.

"Isn't boxing just, I don't know, senseless violence?" You asked, tone dripping with pure innocence and unadulterated interest as you gently dabbed away the remaining dried blood the nurse failed to clean earlier.

"It's a sport, it's how I bring money to the table." He pursed his lips, ignoring the twinge of pain that surged through his nerves. He visibly relaxed when you placed a hand onto his shoulder to reassure him.

Ever since the first time you got assigned to him, the first thing he took note of was the softness of your hands. You handled him as if he was fragile glass, despite how he easily towered over you. He felt pathetic as a 24-year-old but your gentle touches would greatly help put him at ease.

"I guess. I didn't mean to be rude." You were hesitant, Johnny could tell but he was glad you didn't push on any further. He couldn't handle explaining his occupation when you were about to pierce his skin. "Okay, Johnny, now that your lip is clean and the anesthesia had seeped in, we'll start. I think you know how it goes by now."

"Make it quick, please." He nodded, squinting his eyes shut at the mere contact of a surgical pen grazing over his gaped lips. You were relieved that his cut wasn't too big, you couldn't stomach the idea of putting him in too much pain for longer.

As you picked up the tweezers and string of nylon, you couldn't help but laugh at the six-foot boxer in front of you who was clearly petrified of getting stitches, "This will be done as soon as you know it. You won't really feel it because of the anesthesia, remember? Now count to a hundred backward for me."

Once the numb feeling of nylon dragged through his lips, he swore he saw white spots flicker in his vision. His eyes immediately watered and he tried his best not to squirm under your hold, beginning to count to a hundred backward like you had instructed him to. You admitted it to him the first time you stitched him that it was a trick that you learned from your pediatrician friend. Despite it being for children, it helped to get him distracted while you focused on your job.

Minutes felt like hours, Johnny had been fighting the urge to punch something, anything, to release tension and nerves. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took a peak and tried to take his attention away from what was currently happening on his lip. His gaze landed on your pretty eyes, how it was narrowed in focus and how your lashes perfectly framed it.

This wasn't the first time he'd observe you up close, there had been many occasions in the past that you had been too close for comfort in order to tend his wounds. It had been too many that it was almost as if he was close to memorizing your features. You were not only beautiful but you were also a smart and capable doctor.

Eventually, you finished and started to rub ointment on his sore lip — the finishing line.

"Try not to eat anything spicy or hard. You know the drill." You grinned at his suddenly pale features, ripping off your gloves as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the room. "You're good to go. Be careful next time."

He let out a shaky breath, clearly still winded up from the procedure, "I'll try. Thanks again, doc."

-

The punching bag felt great against Johnny's fists. There wasn't a feeling in the world that could compare to the impact of leather slamming against his skin. He could last hours mindlessly pummeling the bag if his stamina just allowed him to.

Hyunsik, Johnny's manager and personal trainer, drew away from the punching bag he held in between his arms. He let out a breath and held out a hand to motion that Johnny has done enough.

Johnny was hurting, Hyunsik could see that much. The bandages he had wrapped for the boxer's fingers were turning into a shade of red that they were all too familiar with.

Hyunsik clicked his tongue, "You should've used your gloves."

"How can I grow stronger if I keep relying on them?" Johnny rolled his eyes. His muscles needed a boost and this seemed to be the only logical way to strengthen them — a little blood never hurt anybody.

"Someday you're gonna fracture your hand and you'll be forced out of the ring. Remember that." Hyunsik huffed, his voice stern. "Take them off, I'll clean the blood off."

Johnny reluctantly did as told, unfurling the bandages wrapped around his fingers. The pain was excruciating when the fabric grazed along his tender skin, he winced at the unsightly view of his reopened wounds.

Hyunsik led him back outside of the ring to the benches where the first aid kit was. He made the boxer sit down so he could start cleaning off his wounds. It looked horrific, more so than it usually did and he had no choice but to break the news to Johnny.

"It looks really bad. You need to go get that checked in the hospital and have it sewed back." Hyunsik said, taking a wet towel and carefully dabbing it across Johnny's bloodied knuckles.

He didn't want to go to the hospital. Going to the hospital to have his wounds treated meant that Johnny would be medically required to take days off work to let his hand heal. Johnny frowned, "Don't you have an ointment or something that could help? I can't afford to lose a day of practice."

"Don't you think I know that?" Hyunsik rolled his eyes. "As your manager, I want you to be in top shape for your match next week, even if it means sacrificing a day or two for you to heal."

Johnny could only nod. He sat through Hyunsik's lecture on the changes he should make to his dietary plan and the exercises he should do during his temporary break. It infuriated him that he couldn't do anything about it but nod along.

The incoming match that was set next week would make or break his career as an underground boxer. He didn't have the option of missing it because of some measly reopened wounds. If he had to rest to get better, he had no choice but to suck it up. This was his fault anyway for pushing himself too much.

Johnny showered in the locker rooms and changed into nicer clothes that didn't reek of blood and sweat. His hands were stinging but he shook it off.

He ignored the concerned looks other boxers were giving him and begrudgingly made his way to the hospital to get himself checked in. You wouldn't be happy to see him all bloodied again, he thought.

-

Much to Johnny's surprise, it wasn't you who was assigned to him. It was a much older doctor with graying hair and a nose stuck too far up in the air. She was rude and condescending, her lack of politeness to her patients was quite appalling. If Johnny wasn't in such a bad mood, he might've complained already.

God, this day couldn't get any worse.

With a meek voice, Johnny asked where you were and at the mention of your name, his doctor gave him a narrowed look. She sneered, "She's handling much more important cases. Does she know you?"

"I think so." Johnny gulped, unsure of the answer himself.

The doctor's grip was tight and she was hasty. It was as if she was trying to speed through the process to just get it over with. Johnny wanted to cry because he was starting to get traumatized by this doctor's procedure, he didn't want to hate the hospital more than he already did.

He internally screamed for your name as he watched the doctor pull on the gloves. The sliding door harshly whipped open and there you were in all your glory, like an angel sent from above to save him from the devil incarnate who was about to pierce his skin.

You were panting and the sheen on your forehead made it obvious that you ran your way to his room. Johnny's heart leaped with glee.

"Unnie, I'll handle him." You said, unable to catch your breath as you made your way inside. "I think the ER needs you more than me."

The doctor seemed hesitant at first but you tried to convince her otherwise. She eventually agreed and left you with Johnny who had a cheesy smile on his face the entire time since you've arrived.

"So Johnny, what happened this time?" You asked, picking up the clipboard that sat next to him on the bed.

"I overdid the punching during training and it reopened some old wounds on my knuckles. It hurts like a bitch."

You pulled a face, "That's a bit intense."

He chuckled, "It's normal."

"Can I please see it?" You opened your palm so he could place his hand on yours. You observed his cuts and the scabs that were beginning to form around it, it was too deep to let it heal on its own so you made the verdict that he needed to get it sewed back together ⁠— as unfortunate as it was since he was a boxer and he needed his hands to box.

You tugged on a new pair of gloves and began the painful procedure, Johnny started counting down even without you instructing him to. You quickly got to work and stitched back his wounds with your lip in between your teeth

Johnny felt squeamish, he could never get used to the feeling of stitches. His eyes were glued shut and he mumbled numbers like it was mantra.

Once you were done, you smiled fondly at your work. You managed to get by with fewer stitches and you felt pride swell up in your chest. Johnny noticed and, as lightheaded as he was, couldn't help but smile as well.

"You're pretty good."

"At stitching?"

Johnny nodded with his cheeks flushed, he made a mental reminder to smack himself in the head later for such a crude comment. You probably thought he was an idiot now.

"I sure hope so." You chuckled, making him blush even deeper if that was even possible. "It's part of my job."

Johnny shook his head in embarrassment, his dark hair bouncing from how vigorously he did it. He mumbled, "That sounded really lame and not smooth, I'm sorry. Please forget I opened my mouth."

You could only chuckle as you apply the ointment around his knuckles. He wanted the ground to open up and just swallow him whole.

"Please let this heal completely, Johnny. Don't apply any strain on your injuries for a couple of days and refrain yourself from carrying anything heavy so that the stitches won't rip." You said, carefully placing down his hand back on his knee. You were gentle as ever, Johnny swooned. "Absolutely no punching for a while."

"I have an important match at the end of next week. Is there any way to speed up the healing process?" Johnny asked, his eyes were almost pleading at you and you blinked at him in surprise.

"Apart from what I just said, there's really nothing else you could do." You pursed your lips, watching his expression visibly deflate. "If you want to have even a sliver of a chance at winning your match, I suggest you do as I say. Your stitches won't take too long to heal, I promise."

If Hyunsik was there with him, he would've probably already scolded him but the point would be the same. He had always prioritized Johnny's health above winning.

"Okay, doc. I'll do my best." Johnny said, defeated.

"You know, I always see the aftermath of your matches and your training. I want to see you in the ring next time when you're not bloody and beaten up yet." You smiled at him and you swore that all the color that was previously drained from Johnny's face came rushing back. "If it's okay."

"Are you serious?" Johnny asked, almost dumbfounded. Did the pretty doctor he'd been crushing on for months really just asked if she could watch his match?

You nodded with the same hue of red now tainting your cheeks.

"O-Of course! It's on Saturday next week! Please come and cheer me on!" Like a little kid, he excitedly rambled on about the details about the upcoming match and you nodded with the same enthusiast as you wrapped bandages around his hands.

You weren't from his world so everything he said sounded foreign to you. The terms he said, the infamy of his opponents, the prominence of it all — you were eager to learn it if it meant seeing him this happy.

You've always known that he hated hospitals. It was clear from the way he acted during your first meeting. He was stiff and tense, the body language he exuded just screamed that he wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there. As he visited the hospital more and more, you noticed the hatred never faltered. He only became better at hiding it from you.

To see him so relaxed and carefree within the four walls he hated with all his being, it was a breath of fresh air and the feeling you had in your chest grew stronger.

"You're good to go. I promise to see you in your match." You were jotting some last-minute details on the clipboard and you missed the way Johnny kept grinning like an idiot. "As much as I love seeing you here, I hate that you keep getting yourself injured. Keep out of trouble for me, Johnny."

You left the room without letting Johnny say another word.

Fuck, Johnny realized he hadn't asked for your number.

-

Johnny's match started in ten minutes. His heart was pounding in his ears, he almost couldn't hear what Hyunsik was shouting to him.

The underground stadium was filled to the brim with people, he felt more nervous than he did during his first boxing match. A lot was at stake for this win, he needed the belt. He was desperate for it.

"Johnny, are you listening to me?" Hyunsik raised his voice, aggressively slapping Johnny's cheeks together in his hands so he could focus on him. The boxer's mind was fleeting and it was his job to pull him back to reality now.

He hadn't seen you since last week and as much as he wanted to go back to the hospital to see you, he refused to badly hurt himself in the days that led up to the match. Johnny scanned the crowd for your face but he couldn't see it. You weren't there.

At the lack of your turnout, he failed to mask his disappointment. Hyunsik let out an aggravated groan and pulled the boxer on his feet to berate him further.

"Johnny, please for the love of all things holy, look me in the eye."

"I'm sorry. I'm okay now. I'm listening."

"Good because your match is starting soon and I need you to win this. All your hardships and sacrifices boils down to this match, you hear me?" Hyunsik bellowed, trying his best to keep his voice louder than the cries and chants of the audience. "Show them what Johnny Suh is capable of!"

Johnny nodded fervently, forcing himself into a state of serenity of peacefulness. He let out heavy breaths to even out his breathing as his team surrounded him, prepping him for what was about to come.

Hyunsik raised his hand at Johnny. He had five minutes left until his match started and he wasn't calming down.

"Can I please have some water?" Johnny asked and his medic stumbled on his feet to fetch him a bottle from the nearby cooler. He couldn't help but let out a shaky chuckle, his team seemed tenser than he was.

He downed the bottle as soon as it reached his hand. His hand was shaky. Goddammit, why was he so nervous?

At the corner of his eye, he saw Hyunsik making his way over to the barricade that separated his corner to the rest of the stadium. He arched his neck in a way that would let him take a peek what was so important that Hyunsik had to leave his side when the match was starting in a few minutes.

It seemed like Hyunsik was trying to stop a girl who was forcing her way in through the barricade. His stomach lurched at the sight of her familiar face.

As if he was acting purely on instinct, Johnny shot up from his seat and ran towards you. Hyunsik held up his arm to stop him from going any closer to you. You could've been a deranged fan, for all Hyunsik knows.

"Johnny-"

"I know her."

Hyunsik was startled at his response and started to profusely apologize to you. You looked nothing but smug and Johnny let out a breathy laugh that helped unravel the knots in his stomach. The boxer quietly motioned for him to take his leave and Hyunsik hesitantly did as told only after tapping his wrist as a sign that time was ticking.

You bowed at him apologetically, "I'm so sorry I'm late! There was this damn patient-"

"It's okay. You're here now." He cut you off, a cheesy smile on his face. You easily reciprocated it back.

"I just came down here to wish you good luck." You said with the usual confidence in your tone gone and now replaced with a sudden timidness and bashfulness. "Not like you need it or anything."

"Where are you sitting?" Johnny asked, noticing that you were struggling to keep your attention on his eyes. He peered down and realized that he didn't have a shirt on, he chuckled.

You pointed near the walls of the stadium and he strained his vision to see so far away. He pursed his lips and let out a noise of discontent. You said that it was the only seats available because you were so late.

"Why don't you sit here with them? They wouldn't mind." Johnny said, jutting his thumb over to his team who was furtively watching his interaction.

"Oh no, it's okay."

"I insist. I want you to see me win up close."

You blushed a deep shade of scarlet and Johnny grinned at his successful attempt at a flirt. Was it even a flirt or was it an ego stroke? Either way, it didn't matter because you were smiling at him. You were easing his nerves and you didn't even know.

"I got out of my shift early so I wouldn't be in the hospital later to stitch you up." You teased, softly prodding his shoulder blade.

Johnny playfully puffed out his chest, "I don't plan on getting too injured today, I wanna look cool in front of you."

"Whatever you say, Johnny."

"But I'm nervous. I'm actually really nervous today." Johnny mumbled as if he didn't want anyone else in on your conversation, gone all traces of his cockiness as his heart thudded erratically against his chest when he heard Hyunsik's call of the last minute until he has to go inside the ring.

You gingerly reached for his taped hands and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Just count back from a hundred like I always tell you to. You'll do fine."

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" And so you did.

Counting down the numbers, Johnny clambered inside the ring and the bell rang to signal the start of the match. Being in the medical field meant that you were against all forms of violence so you couldn't really watch the entirety of the match without feeling sick to your stomach. Johnny didn't care, he was just happy that you kept your promise and was cheering him on.

It was hectic and everything was happening all at once. It was loud and everybody was screaming. This wasn't your world, it was Johnny's and your heart fluttered at the thought that he was willing to let you in it.

Eventually, the match ended in Johnny's favor and the next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up in the air. You had the biggest smile on your face, similar to Johnny's who now had a shiny belt slung over his shoulder. All his hard work and all his trips to the hospital paid off.

"Congrats on your win!" You exclaimed, placing your palms on his chest to steady yourself.

"I wanted you to see me get the belt." He admittedly sheepishly, reaching out to hold your wrists in his bruised hands.

"Aren't you hurt in any way? We can drop by the hospital if you want." You asked, checking to see if he had any major injuries but true to his word, Johnny was inflicted little to no injuries during the match, exclude the few bruises on his jaw and a busted lip

"Actually, I'd rather we get some coffee instead." Johnny said, the small smile on his lips making you chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I don't date my patients." You smirked at Johnny's crestfallen expression, softly shoving his side to make it known that you were only joking.

Johnny pulled a face, releasing a breath he didn't realize he was holding once he realized your joke. He played along, "I think you can make me an exception, I don't usually invite people to my matches."

"So this is about getting even, huh?" You were teasing him and now your faces were merely inches apart but before Johnny could even think of leaning in, you spun around and grabbed his hand once more. "C'mon then, my treat!"

Johnny let out a laugh. A boxer and a doctor, who would've thought?

[fixing-bad-comic-art]

fun asks for boredom: do you read books? have you been to the LIBRARY lately now that it’s open again? do you want book recs? (bc im full of them PLS) - if not books, what are you doing with your free time? tv video games movies? what’s occupying your thoughts, what are you obsessed with right now? wanna infodump on anything? or vent? i want to listen :D

ive been a few times! i love the work area at my local library bc its always quiet and its got really nice views, so i visit it a lot. but im not a big reader tbh. im dyslexic and a lot of books are just too hard to get through unless theyre digital and i can change the font to something thats easier to parse which not all books/apps/websites let you do. and anybody who says the built in tts systems that these apps have are good enough, are lying to themselves. so most of the time when i buy/burrow a book its usually just a reference book of some kind.

and on that note, this is a Big reason i dont read a lot of comics, that crowded faux handwritten font a lot of them use is hellish for me to try and parse.

and its a bit of a joke amongst my friends that if im not actively making something im probably yakking on deaths doormat, lmao. right now im mostly into writting and doing digital paintings, but spinning and crochet are old favorites

and like, right now my biggest obsession is dnd, i love dming and the more role play focused sand box campaigns. and before anyone points out that theres better systems for role play focused games, i know, i actually like how janky dnd is on this front because it gives both sides of the table way more freedom to do what feels right.

like This is my rant, letting the players Genuinely argue through their character to try and get something done is Way more interesting than just making them role 1 die and do some math.

like, theres this one moment in the first campaign i ran for my best friend that i keep coming back too.

she had accidentally (on her part, this was my plan all along) traded away a mcguffin to the absolute last person she would want to have that.

when Summer(the npc) came to collect the mcguffin from Shiana(the pc) i Could have had zen(my bff) role 1 d20 and add shiana's persuasion modifier to it. and just on a role of the dice i could have decided where this litteraly game ending mcguffin would land.

if Summer gets it an eternal summer would ravenge the world. but her brother in law would be given more time with his family and a chance at survival.

if he didn't Shiana's brother in law and close friend was more likely to... not die, but also not exist anymore. but her holding onto it gave her time to maybe save both him and the world.

by not basing this on a dice role shiana got to Argue with this fairy to try and get her way out of this deal. zen got the experience of him arguing right back and trying just as hard as she was to get the damn thing.

and because she couldn't just role to persuade him they ended up having one of the most intense fights while she was Running For Her Life because she, Zen and shiana, not a trick of luck, royally pissed off the embodiment of Summer. she got to call on the power of both gods she had a connection to and nearly died from overwhelming herself with their power in a desperate bid to buy herself some time.

because we weren't using any strict rules for this, or really Any rules, we were able to tell a story that was much more engaging than one dice roll ever could be.

like, tldr, dnd Is good for role play because its Very easy to just ignore the clunky/underdeveloped rp rules when needed.

also dnd has tieflings. i like tieflings. think theyre Real Neat.

[lacertae-dreamscape]

I love u pls teach me how to write I want to start but idk how to put ideas into words

honestly the first thing is just... write, u know?

it seems trite and stupid logic suggestion, but. if you don't start, u never do anything with it.

put your idea down in whatever way you want -prose, poetry, etc- and then work on it. polish it with more words and details, colour it with gentle brushes and its ok if its not satisfying. that's what trying again is for. you take what you've written and rework it. (god. edit. edit 10 times. add things. remove things. look up things on the internet for inspo. do ALL the things. unapologetically.)

but also don't do it like me where i start with a basic idea and then build an entire novel on it bcs im too verbose

build on your words, experiment, abandon what doesn't work and try again. like neil gaiman said once, 'just write'

then, if it feels better for you, write for yourself. and i dont (just) mean 'haha ignore other people and just write what u want' that. can work a lot of the times but if you are like me and crave feedback, it doesn't *quite* help. part of u will always write for others too.

what i mean is: when i started writing, i didn't publish things. i did super self indulgent shit like every other teen writer out there by doing, wait for it, mary sue fics and self inserts. *FOR YEARS*

i wrote pokémon fanfics and animorphs fanfics without at the time knowing it was 'fanfic' (bless sheltered mini-me for being like 'i wanna write me inside the animorphs' and not realising it had a name bcs i was completely abstracted from the concept of a fandom)

it was easier because there was a constant script to follow (hi. my name is [name]. i cannot tell you my surname, because aliens will find me, and everything will end. [here's a description of what happens in the general plot, who are our enemies, who are our alllies, who i am, and then the story starts, and it goes from there) so i found it easy to get into it, bcs the rules were easier. now i abhor first person stories but back then it was normal and i liked them.

and i would probably die of shame and embarrassmnt if anyone were to find the actual *papers* i wrote it on, or after that, the pc files i wrote, but ive grown enough at least to be able to admit i did it.

nobody will ever ever ever EVER catch a single whiff of that. its done and gone. for my eyes only. cringe shit. i wrote my version of entire animorphs books of fanfics.

YET. that cringe shit motivated the fuck out of me, esp in a period where i was already sad and stressed and anxious. was it badly written? u BET. but i was RLY into writing it. it was fun. it was indulgent.

this allows you to write whatever the fuck you want without fear of people judging or nosing around in your business, and it lets u explore and try things out in a way that makes it fun.

i started posting in my first fandom (haha it was beyblade. no judgement, i missed all the big serious fandoms by 10 miles and 10 inches) and looking back it was pure shit. i was the specific 'god this person uses the thesaurus too much' bcs i wasn't native english speaker, so i did a lot of grammar mistakes

yet there were people who in that fandom looked out and reached out for me with nice comments and it helped me thrive, even if the fic was shit. it helped me feel like it was ok to continue.

i feel a lot of fandoms now miss that delicate feeling of 'helping this writer out even if they're not good' because nowadays most fandoms don't actively comment on fanfic in general, unless ur in one of the big fandoms, so its hard to feel motivated to continue, but writing takes time

so you have to start now in order to build urself a base to stand on.

another suggestion is, from a person who went through it over time, find people who enjoy your ideas with whom you can talk it out, and expand them. start putting down ur idea as it is, like 'so i had this idea that i wanna write and its like. just character A standing on top of a hill, reaching out for character B who is grappling at the edge and about to fall, and i want them to look at one another with despair and urgency and then A's hand slips and B lets go- and i want to write what happens next but im not sure' and have someone go 'do u want B to die so u explore that, or do u want B to go through some shit but with a happy ending' and u move from there.

you have no idea how many times ive been saved simply by talking plot out w others to fix some shit.

also something neil gaiman said is that if a friend tells u something needs fixing they're right, but if they detail to you exactly *what* needs fixing and how, they're wrong. people can help you, but the writing is yours. u feel it in ur heart, even if it takes a bit, ok?

there's no big, secret way to write, except take inspo from writers u enjoy reading from (both published or not) and find your own way. do you like writing dialogue more? do you like descriptions?

find something u RLY RLY like and write that thing, obsessively, and without shame, until you're satisfied.

if you really want to start writing, if it calls for you, nothing can stop you, except starting. so give the middle finger to that big hesitance and throw urself into it.

so what i meant is, tl;dr = if you want to write, start writing. close ur ears to everybody else and throw words down. the editing will come later, adding and polishing will come later. even if what you write is simple and barren, you work on it 10, 30 times and add to it. take inspiration from what writers you like wrote, their styles, the way they word things, experiment, find friends to talk it out, and go for it. i believe in you, and in the kind of person you want to become. if u truly *want* to write, u don't need to start strong or be awesome right away, u just need to want it enough to continue through.

[mavspeed]

First Line Meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

Hey @applesfallingfromblondehair, thanks for the tag love!! likewise i dont usually do this but this feels interesting so lets see if my ass has improved over the last few stories lmfkjgjk

also this will prob be a mix of xmcu fic + kingsman fic bc i think i have a more or less equal number of fics written for both

1.

The first time Charles meets Lucifer Morningstar, actual devil from hell, ruler of the underworld, fallen son of the lord above and god knows what else, it had been after Erik had been sentenced to life imprisonment in the highest security cell in the Pentagon. 

- this is from a professor and a devil walk into a bar, which is kinda a crossover rarepair fic that rose out of me and mutuals on twitter discussing tom ellis and james mcavoy being roommates and kinda... devolved from there. i am proud of this one lmfnjgkj

2.

“Are you okay, Professor?” Hank asks quietly.

Charles blinks. He supposes it’s a valid question. He’s been in a bit of a funk the past few days- scratch that actually, the past few years. He’s just lost so much- his father, and then his mother’s love, and then Raven and Erik and Sean and countless others. Building a school, gaining students he loved to teach and nurture hadn’t helped him in the slightest, and he’s as lost as he ever was, wandering the halls of a drafty mansion alone, feeling like he’s been stranded at sea even whilst surrounded by people.

- from in the belly of the beast, which again came out of me wondering what would have happened if fox had gone w their original plan and charles had been that last horseman instead of erik. this story will prob gain a sequel... sometime in the near future when im not too bogged down by current wips

3. 

The Xavier family hall of the deceased- because of course they’re weird enough to have a cemetery- is full of rows upon rows of holograms. Charles is four and gets bored of his father crying over his mother’s hologram, so he toddles over to the other rows. Unfamiliar names, all of them- Charles is young, and he doesn’t understand death. He doesn’t even know who his mother is, who’d died at childbirth and left him with a father still at a loss when it came to bringing up a kid.

- from tequila on a spaceship, the sequel to a fic that still has some people angry at me i think. this fic never did gain as much traction as the first one but im still proud of it esp since it discusses certain themes of reincarnation that ive always wanted to see explored for myself in reincarnation aus (and i only ever saw it in danveresque’s reincarnation au)

4.

There are cork boards covering every inch of the wall. Red strings, photographs, conspiracy threads, everything. Raven takes it in, swallowing, noticing the picture in the middle.

It’s one of Charles, when he’d been in university. His final year- he'd just been done presenting his year- end project, his fringe a tumbled mess and a bright smile on his lips. Erik had taken the picture, Charles scurrying to his side once he’d been done and demanding to look at the image, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth. He looks like how Raven had always imagined him to be.

“He wouldn’t want this,” she finally says, turning to look at Erik.

- from tequila on a beach, the first fic to the fic above. this fic is v special to me because i actually wrote this on a spiral after having a very tough visit with one of my parents in the hospital after a surgery for organ removal to prevent the onset of cancer. its simpler than my other fics yet i think more powerful because of what happens. also i think the first time i killed charles off lol (spoiler alert). also idk if ppl were aware of this but this is called tequila on a beach precisely bc charles and erik were tipsy from tequila at a frat party and then went to a beach. its the way they first met (and will continue to meet for all their next lives)

5. 

Erik doesn’t know how it all started. Maybe it was when his insane sergeant had started rambling about imaginary cities, treasures of gold and cursed incantations. Maybe it was when trickles of rumours had started pouring down about the higher ups wanting to investigate unfound territory, disregard the Egyptian government’s feelings on the matter, and put a previously unfound myth on the map for all the world to see. Or maybe, Erik thinks, it was when archaeologist Klaus Schmidt put a bullet through his mother’s head and he ended up going to America armed with dual citizenship and the sole intent of wanting to drive a coin directly between Schmidt’s eyes, joining a division of the American military focused solely on guarding archaeological digs- more importantly, in Egypt, where Schmidt’s interest had shifted.

- from courting the end of the world, another one i’m just insanely proud of! this is the first time i’ve ever attempted a multichapter movie au and it actually managed to work pretty well, i at least haven’t run out of inspiration for it yet lmfjgjg. also erik as himbo rick connell... very rent free in my head

6. 

The day after they murder Shaw and leave his house of horrors, Erik crosses the Canadian border with Charles across his back. Charles had started getting tired while they’d been walking, stumbling and nearly tripping until Erik had forced him to get on his back, ignoring Charles’ protests.

The blood’s seeping out steadily from Charles’ nose, staining his shirt and soaking it through. It’s been leaking on and off, and the effects are already obvious in the dark circles beneath Charles’ eyes. Any more, and Erik knows they’ll have to find him a doctor. He hopes the nearest town in Canada has one that would be willing to treat them.

- from a world built for two. i actually dk where the inspiration for this came from, i think i was once again on a depressive spiral and wanted to break my comfort characters into pieces and put them together again. this also deals with codependency and unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result of trauma which i showed as sweet in the fic but i would def not recommend in real life. pls if u relate to either charles or erik in this go see a therapist

7. 

The call comes in the afternoon, an hour before Charles is supposed to teach his Intro to Genetics class. Frowning, Charles abandons the game of Candy Crush he’d admittedly been playing rather badly and picks it up. “Charles sp-”

“We need you, Prof,” Kitty says desperately into the phone. “He’s been in a temper all morning, and then Alex’s reports missed out a whole subsection, so he’s fired the entire marketing team! Please, Professor, you have to come immediately!”

- from and we can be pirates. i wrote this in like 4 seconds for my friend who wanted professor charles and ceo erik and actually did not expect this to gain the attention it did... its always the fics u write in like 4 seconds lmfjggj. a sequel for this Is coming too probably at some point in the very far future

8. 

Charles Xavier can admit as he sits across from Essex, hands cuffed to the desk, that in hindsight, this had perhaps not been one of his better ideas.

He refuses to admit it as he controls Erik’s mind, preventing him from lashing out and making him close his eyes to the nightmare unfolding in front of him. He refuses to admit it as he gets shoved into the back of a black pickup truck, and the butt of a gun is smashed across his forehead hard enough to knock him out cold for a few hours. He refuses to admit it when he wakes up what appears to be hours later in a cold interrogation room, hands cuffed to the table in front of him, with a suppression collar rendering his mind dark and almost achingly silent.

- from from the land of gods (bring me home). i’ve been struggling w this fic a lot (it didnt come as easily to me as the first one did) but its getting there. also i put charles through hell in this rip sorry mister xavier

9.

In the aftermath, both of them stand at the border of the mansion. The air feels frigid, slicing into Raven’s lungs like a thousand paper cuts. “Charles, please,” she begs, heart in her throat and voice hoarse. “He wouldn’t want you to be like this. He wouldn’t want you to do this. It’s not too late, you can come back.”

Charles gazes back, a brick wall. He hasn’t even cleaned up, still in that damnable yellow and blue suit with blood drying in the corners of his mouth, the bridge of his nose. There’s nothing in his eyes- blank, almost see through. He looks as if he’s a mere shade, a ghost lounging about where he once was. Raven knows better.

“I will raze the world to the ground,” he finally says, his voice free of any inflection, “and when I’m done, no one will be left standing. Not you, and certainly not me.”

- from where all the poets went to die, a dark fic based on what would have happened if moira had killed erik with the bullets. its the first time ive written dark charles and it was v fun if im being honest

10. 

Charles is a light sleeper. It’s a trait that stays with him- all the way from his father and the tests to taking care of his mother to Cain Marko and his fists to Cuba and then now, the dust of Washington settling over him and making the waking world lie an inch beyond his eyelids. It therefore stands to reason that the second the windowsill creaks he’s up in a shot, hoisting himself up and lashing out with his telepathy instantly.

That’s not a trait that had stayed with him. That’s a newly formed trait, bitter and bold, carved into existence by Cuba by his students disappearing one by one in Vietnam by the letters that announce Sean’s death in black unfriendly print by-

The tendrils of his telepathy forged cold and distant meet a barrier and recoil, stunned. He focuses his eyes and then widens them, staring at Erik who stares back, hidden beneath that infernal muddied magenta helmet of his. They stare at each other for a moment before Erik clears his throat.

- from in the valley of kings (you will come home). my first ever cherik fic! im actually also proud of this one even if i ended it horribly and half my mutuals refuse to read it bc of how it ended LMFJGJGJ. i cant believe this was supposed to be a funny and cute kid fic and then i turned it into an angst ridden mess. also leo is actually an oc whose adult version is fancasted as charlie rowe by me and another mutual on twitter and im v proud that readers are willing to die for the baby

11. 

Mike has to google it, finding a crafts shop nestled into the corner of the street right smack in the middle of Louisiana, past a long and winding dirt road and the crumbling farmhouses relics of a time long past. The air is hot, humid, sticking to the back of his neck like an unwieldy parasite as he pushes the door of the shop open to the sound of the bell tinkling above.

He finds the origami paper quickly enough and has a momentary breakdown about what Bill’s favourite colour even is- he had never thought to ask him. Twenty seven years of following every single footstep of his like a dedicated, most definitely creepy stalker, three months of more than a few states traversed with Bill’s laughter now echoing in his ears like a shadow that trails after him, and this is what stumps him. It takes ten minutes, but he finally settles on light green.

- my first and last entry into the IT fandom bc i love these two but to be very fair there isn’t much content out there for him (and twitter content actually intimidates me lmfjgjjg) a thousand paper cranes never got much traction either but i suspect its bc i was horrible at promoting it. also i very much love this fic even if it never did that well bc ive always wanted to write a fic like this after watching the movie in cinemas in 2019

12.

ok nsfw i guess 

Mornings start like this- Eggsy snuffling into David’s neck, attempting to work his way back up to wakefulness as David sleeps the sleep of the dead, the streams of morning sunlight gradually lightening up the room. It’s a while before he gets the energy to sit up, pushing an eager V off the bed- V for Vendetta, a kitten named after one of David’s favourite movies that they’d adopted about a month after moving in together- before stumbling to the loo. He’s already in the shower when David comes in, naked as the day he’s born with his arms entwining themselves around Eggsy’s waist as he murmurs a sleep-soft, “Good morning, love,” as he presses a kiss into the two-days-old hickey on Eggsy’s shoulder. His breath smells of toothpaste, the minty fresh kind he insists on buying from Target no matter how much Eggsy insists that the other brand is much better. Without fail, Eggsy always has a split second thought of thinking that he must truly be in heaven because no way can this be his reality, every single day, before sinking to his knees and allowing David’s cock to hit the back of his throat.

- from that’s the kind of love i’ve been dreaming of. i genuinely wish i had an opinion for this but i don’t remember writing this its been way too long

13. 

The first time Eggsy sees her is in Trafalgar Square.

Trafalgar Square is uncomfortably packed on any normal day, but on New Year’s it is quite the hothouse. Sweating armpits and hot bodies plastered against each other, the twinkling lights overhead providing a flash of blue and green and yellow and red, screaming children and giggling teenagers shoving their way through- it’s a recipe for disaster. Eggsy doesn’t know how he ends up there. It happens sometimes- one second he blinks, sequestered in the comfort of his living room, and the next he’s somewhere else, as if he’s been teleported. “Life goes past you,” Tilde had said once, “and you don’t even notice.” Tilde would be right.

- this is a roxy and eggsy friendship centric fic that i abandoned bc i lost my ardor for this world about the same time i got into xmen lmfjgjg. all the king’s horses also had some great fancasts in it with dev patel fancasted too... rip ig

14. 

once again, nsfw

Eggsy, truth be told, doesn’t actually like having sex in bathrooms. First of all, bathrooms generally have an unsanitary air about them. Besides that, the granite of the sinks always feel cold against his hips, there is the ever present fear of being walked in on and unlike what people might say, he actually really isn’t that much of an exhibitionist- and truth be told, he’s never liked the look of himself in the mirror mid coitus.

For David Budd, however, he suspects he might be up for anything.

- from do you ever dream of me. im actually proud of this fic and this series, i never usually write straight up porn or friends w benefits and i think it worked well in here. once again didnt get much traction but that was very of the norm for my kingsman fics lmfjgj

15.

It is on his fifth meeting with the therapist on site that she brings the issue up. The elephant in the room- or the bomb , David thinks morbidly. If asked, he can’t remember specifics about that day now. All he remembers is this- the burn of Julia’s picture in his wallet against his thigh, the Botticelli painting on the far wall and Miss Paulson’s face, severe and unsmiling.

“When you couldn’t reach Julia,” she says, after he finishes describing the feeling of running to Julia, the panic searing his chest as he’d prayed for his legs to work faster so he could do something, anything to reach her hand. “How did that make you feel?”

- from your haunted social scene. i genuinely... do not remember anything about this either helpfkjgjg,,, this has 55 comments tho which. Nice

16.

David brings her home on- in a move far too cliche for it to be reality- a stormy night. It’s in fact storming so hard the windowpanes shudder like leaves in the wind, droplets crashing against the glass in a cacophony so loud Eggsy more than once considers turning the radio all the way up to drown it out. He’d gone scrounging for David’s sweatshirts instead of his own halfway through, wincing intermittently at the flashes of thunder. At a particularly loud one JB had jumped up, squeaked in a very undoglike manner and skidded across the floor to cower beneath the sofa, only coming out when coaxed by Eggsy to do so. Officer Oatmeal had watched the proceedings from her regal place by the armchair, dozy eyed and blinking heavily.

- from a cat named lavender. from what i remember this was also my first try at bringing up trans eggsy

17.

He first appears at the black prince on a cold Monday evening, eyes like Frank Sinatra and lips arresting anyone’s gaze if they weren’t careful enough. He stood out too, clad in a respectable bomber jacket and boots that clicked against the tile rhythmically and loudly, a sort of organised, measured cacophony.

“Go and serve him,” Andrew said, fat and disinterested, seated behind the counter and idly flicking through bills, less than ten percent of which he pays Eggsy. “I’m busy.”

- from trust is left in lovers after all. i never continued this which is sad bc this did get a lot of attention... it was just v hard to keep the story going

18.

It usually rains cats and dogs in London but for some reason, the rain is heavier than usual today. The droplets splatter against the windows in a constant buzzing rhythm, the sound meshing together in a melody not altogether pleasant to the ears. It’s half past five and yet the light has to be kept on because that’s how dark the sky has gotten- thunder rolls like a loud crack, abrupt and deafening, causing Daisy to jump in her seat.

“Just a thunderstorm, flower,” Eggsy says. They’re seated at the dinner table, Eggsy going over her homework while David sits opposite them, hunched over his laptop as he attempts to finish a post mission report. Eggsy is half convinced he gave up ten minutes ago- he’s got his earbuds in and he hasn’t really typed anything in a while, eyes focused on the screen. His eyebrows are scrunched up in a glare that’s too adorable for his own good- and for Eggsy’s.

- from could feel like kryptonite. a lot of my kingsman fics are actually so much happier than my cherik ones... i should prob look into that rip

19.

“When you’re done lazing around you can come in, you dozy dog,” he tells Officer Oatmeal, who butts her nose into his knee. She’s the only one not on a diet in the house, Eggsy deeming her far too healthy and skinny to need one anyway. In fact, she’s under strict instructions by Eggsy to fatten up instead.

Once the animals are done feeding- Eggsy sporting a suspicious scratch on his left forearm- they settle down to eat their scrambled eggs and toast. David’s taken a large gulp of his scalding coffee when Eggsy says, all of a sudden, “So, I have a school reunion.”

- from gonna set this dance alight. don’t remember much about this either tbh

20. (the last one FINALLY)

It isn’t a big event or explosion that makes David realise he wants to see his father’s ring sitting pretty on Eggsy’s index finger. No teary confessions in the rain like in the rom coms Eggsy loves to rent out and sniffle his way through, or a fight that makes David see sense. In the end, it’s breakfast that cinches the deal for him.

The day had started out normally enough. David wakes up at eight like clockwork, the soft downy hair at the base of Eggsy’s neck tickling his nose with his arm locked tight around his waist. He’d yawned, exhausted- mostly because they’d stayed up very late into the night making good use of the bed- before standing up and shucking his shirt off to head for the shower. Eggsy had shifted in his sleep, mumbling something unintelligible, and the sight had been too endearing to resist so he’d bent down, pressing a kiss to his forehead and smiling when Eggsy groaned out loud.

- from lover boy rules. i actually started a lot of my kingsman fics in the same way which is rather awful of me. im glad thats changed with my xmen fics lmfjgjk. also this has 15 comments???? i dont even get that much attention with my xmcu fics these days... which is arguably a more active fandom... Hello

anyway that’s the end of it needless to say i do not know 10 other authors so im just gonna tag whoever i know rn: @hellfre , @queerneto, @ikeracity, @drinkingstars, @zebraljb

[savnofilter]

answering all anonymous asks

i have a lot of mixed opinions and stuff so i just compiled them into one post. the public ones i will be posting separately, simply because i feel they are different. all responses are under the cut!

tw: mentions of pedophilia and gore.

i am and thank you!! i havent really eaten since tuesday but ive trying to keep my fluids up. i hope you are doing okay as well, anon!

~ i learned about puberty when i was 6 only because my sisters had already learnt it (ages 8). the educational sites used were always catered to helping the youth learn about periods, puberty, and everything that comes along with it. once i was at age 8, i also had access to the sites as well.

~ the idea of sex was brought around to me around 8. at 9 i had an experience but i will not get into it since it’s still slightly traumatic for me. other than having a negative experience with it, i yet again already had an understanding because of my older sister’s and i’s class experiences to have a grasp of it.

i would also like to add that my parent were never prudes. bringing up this point, disclaimer that they havent done anything weird to me or my sister. once i was 11 (in 6th grade), i was learning about sex and reproduction. my mother has always told me if i had any questions about that type of stuff, that i should never be afraid to ask. 

if she felt anything was too explicit she would tell me that i didnt have to learn about that right now and that when i am older she would be receptive responding. i honestly think the hate stems from the fact that they dont get dicked down well enough from their own bfs that they have to write the pent up frustration on minor characters.

i mean with the cult running around, yes it is. if you are not in a close circle or have an established following, you will have a much harder time getting your stuff out there. its not impossible but it is much definitely more difficult to start up. 

if you need help with getting your work out there i am more than welcome in trying to help you out tho!

THANK. YOU. someone had to fucking say it, couldnt be me since they refuse to listen to me. do you know how predatory in itself trying to control what minors of the same age doing together???? the only time i can see minors getting “arrested” unless it was public indecency. also why are you an adult knowing about 14 y.os getting arrested for sexual intercourse? 🤡

it definitely is safe. the people most active are teenagers so do not feel afraid. if there are any concerns please come to me since i am the original and head of the server.

!!! exactly. her sorry ass callout post about my age and followers LOL. “sorry i have more notes than you” i- i had to laugh. i think its so funny because if this was about followers i wouldve done this earlier, not when i hit 5,000 followers. 

^ this. all it took was a gabby hannah callout post about my age cnckjsvd couldnt be me. these people preach about keeping kids safe, the kids of the fandom speak up about an abuse and toxicity problem and suddenly we’re ruining the fandom? pick one or the other pls. 🤡

i just honestly find it concerning that theyre thirsting over a character thats um.... HALF YOUR AGE. fake or not its weird asf. its really not your place to say people shouldnt be uncomfortable because you write them “aged 18+” and the most you age them up to is 18 and still write them in U.A. i dont really understand why its such a hard concept to understand.

i just think its concerning that the same people who think i have no sexual awareness have no problem writing characters my age and the only version that theyre aged up is in their fics.

theres something wrong in this equation here.... 😗

lmao these adults have no problem giving people trauma. and yes, yes, and yes. we arent saying that there is a problem aging them up, its how you do it. its really the fact that theyre aging them up and having them at the dorms and aizawa is still somehow, their homeroom teacher? please make it make sense.

if youre especially going to age up someone and youre about 22+, your excuse is that, “their fake so it shouldnt be a problem” is predatory in all the wrong kind of ways. 

^ they hate to see it. but once again they did make this an age thing,,, obviously they only learned about sex when they hit 18, and i have hacked the system and infiltrated adult territory. 🤡

right. people are like 16 y.os cant have sex -- no its in place so adults like you dont think you can fuck them any younger. thats all i have to say. but no, im fifteen, i dont have a brain or any sense of the world. no h*rny card for me.

💀 imagine being old enough to understand that stuff can be triggering and no human should even be saying that... getting those shane dawson gore fantasies here.

“no one is mad at you for writing smut. adults are mad because youre writing smut”

your adults arent mentally sound and this is why im making this post. ❤️

lmao i am okay!! ive been having phantom nerve pain where my knuckles are because of that ask though and i had a gore dream. : ) i spoke clearly and properly, when i took them as a joke (yknow being the clowns that they are), they got mad! 1/10, would not recommend a conversation! apparently shes more mature about me but her last post was about riding a teenager’s forehead cnjk vdfd COULD NOT BE ME. she choose to ignore all the other claims and it shows~ 🍵

i dont really mind, ive been wanting to talk about my age on this blog for a really long time since last but sometimes things come sooner than later. even if you dont support my work, i still thank you for supporting me as a person!

RIGHT?! im just really concerned that there are adults who understand that there are moral issues here and some dont. this is why im making a post on a select few and not the whole adult community. thank you for coming to my TED talk. 

LMFAO but they dont see it?! 😂 i think me writing about characters my own age is much better than someone who has 10+ years, or better yet, MORE THAN HALF THEIR AGE writing about them. you had your hormones suppressed, doesnt mean mine should as well. 💓

personally, if i was an adult and i made a callout post on someone’s age, i would put a disclaimer to not bully the minors in question,,, just putting out there. your mature and respectful queen is doing magic. 🥰

^ and let me make it clear, after the point of time i realized that following was 18+ blogs was bad, i stopped following them. and even now im sifting through and unfollowing all of them. yes, i do have a brain at fifteen and can think. i know its a foreign concept for some people. 😳

no no no, its okay! i lied about being an adult so this all my fault. :D just think its concerning someone so easily can say one thing and everyone can follow. real cult behaviour and shes the leader. been thinking about making a mean girls poster and sticking her pfp on regina, but even regina had redemption and realized she had work to do. : ) 

lmao these people have said, “i started reading/writing smut when i was 11-13 but i realized how wrong it was and stopped” so how does it differ from me? you dont magically get good at 18. dont be a hypocrite.

even adults themselves are afraid to speak up. all it took was a shitty post for them to ignore the whole story. these people ignore all the abuse, therapy, toxicity, pedophilia (umbrella term) and everything else that she and her friends are being brought to light about. it shows how much of a blind eye that people have.

this is not a tati situation, i will not go back on my words.

this is understandable. this is even past the age, and this me repeating myself once again. i wasnt even the one who said i was groomed i- its people who were in your, space. think about that.

it really is. and what makes it more concerning that the same people who preach this will talk about how they want to, “beat us the fuck up” or rip our fingers for showing out concern for the vagueness of aged up in fics sometimes.

i even stated that its not everyone who does this but no one will listen.

[hadeestown]

i watched the heathers on riverdale episode and listened to the soundtrack on spotify and i have a lot of things to say

FIRST OF ALL @ riverdale fandom dont freaking attack me for saying these. just being frank with yall

also the only actors whose names i know of are kj apa, cole sprouse, lili reinhart, camila mendes, and casey cott

BEAUTIFUL

- CASEY COTT,,,,he saved this song he should’ve just sang it alone - they made it so PG they didnt even include the fREAK SLUT CRIPPLE HOMO HOMO HOMO - okay camila sounded okay - kj apa,,,honey youre cute but pls stop singing - josie can sing but like,,,not for musicals - can everyone pls get the emotions right in this song thEYRE LITERALLY SINGING ABOUT HOW HIGH SCHOOL FREAKING SUCKS AND THEYRE ALL "just not today! :D" or "just not today *seductive wink*" - the autotune in lili's verse knjkACN - cole's voice is so deep he sounds like he wants to die - "why do i act like such a creep" whoever sang that im sorry but youre terribly fla t - so many wasted harmonies - "aHhh HEAther hEAther aNd hEATher" why falsetto - "lets make her beautiful" rip harmonies "okAY? okay?" rip falsetto uGh - cheryl can sing but i dont know something's wrong,,, probably autotune - "you hope you dream you pray ANd you GEt yoUR wAY" autotune count: ive lost count - The riverdale producers giving casey cott the high veronica notes is one of the few things they got right in this episode

CANDY STORE - heathers 101 lyrics knAKJCNJA i want to die - they can say biotch but not dick huh - the orchestration's weird,,,but okay - GO PLAY DUCK DUCK GOOSE - ICE CREAM - the first verse was okay then autotuned kicked in - the verses are pretty okay - i want more emotion pls just,,, sound bitchier - "SEE YOU DONT HAVE IT WATCH THIS" HACKNASCKJA IM CACKLING - rip harmonies in 2nd chorus,,,,those were great but they probably didnt find a person who can do the crazy mcnamara notes huh - DOORKNOB - cheryl youre struggling with the bridge - "kEEP ON TESTING ME *lower octave* and end up like her" oof whERE ARE THE HIGH MCNAMARA NOTES - i didnt understand the chandler riff what was that about - rip harmonies aGAIN this song had a lOT of amazing harmonies and they,,,threw it away

FIGHT FOR ME - josie honey youre terribly autotuned - kj apa kjnSCJNKANCKJA why - everything's so autotuned i dont even know what's real and what's not - i kinda like the end harmonies,,that's it tho

BIG FUN - okay orchestration's great - again with the heathers 101 lyrics jNCKSNAJC dont do heathers if you arent bold enough to curse on tv - rip harmonies,,,,,,,,,nobody did like the high notes jesus christ - convenient that they have a character named "Veronica" in the show - i dont know if thats camila's real voice but it did sound nice,,,however, i still believe it's autotUNED - once again, they gave casey cott the high veronica notes "i FEEL LIKE BONO AT LIVE AID" - "take a picTURE I'LL NEED PROOF" who the hell said that he sounded so monotone and emotionless like he forgot at the last minute he had to say a line - awkward silence for the part "i broUGHT SPARKLING CIDER :D" - no context "danG DANG DIGGITY DANG DANG" hAJKCSJNAC me initimidating my enemies - once again, akward silence for the dialogues - dang dang diggity dang dang everything's so autotuned - thE INSTRUMENTAL'S SO LOUD probably to mask the fact that most of the cast werent *cough* vocally trained

DEAD GIRL WALKING - what THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT TINY HARP SOUND AT THE INTRO OF DGW ANKCSJACI CHOKED - a u t o t u n e d  girl walking - the instrumental got better - i see they went with like pianos and shit and not mostly electric guitar for the guitar solo riffs - "ALL HOPE IS GONE IM A DEAD GIRL WALKING IM ON YOUR LAWN" gurl,,,youre in school,,,and there is no window lock,,,,,,, - heATHERS 101 lYRICS KASNKCJANSCKA - "had to see yOU HOPE I DIDNT WAKE YOU" bitch youre all awake in school - i cant listen to this song anymore without hearing the weird hair swishes and sound effects - "that works for me" yall monotone as hELL like yall dont wanna have intense sex just,,,okay sex - "hoWD YOU FIND MY ADDRESS" none of the lyrics make sense bc uhm,,,,theyRE IN SCHOOL - "i think you tore my mattress" gurl is chill as hell where is the concern over the mattress AHAHFANKCC - at least the guy sounded a bit hornier than the other girl - goodbye intense barrett notes - AHAHAHHAA they yeeted away from the G#5 - it's just like G#4??? - the other girl doesnt sound shes enjoying the sex huh - the guy who did the jd riff at the end,,,,hMMM pretty good but is it auTOTUNED??? the question remains - i can tell the whole song's like,,,autotuned but if just a little bit, toni sounded actually great

OUR LOVE IS GOD - the cult girl is not showing any emotion,,,,she's like reciting the lyrics hDJCKAJ - casey cott sounds great but autotuned ruined his voice - harmonies sound great actually - the instrumental is inTENSELY loud as HELL again - "they die becauSE THEY SAY THEY MUST" no context bc jD did not kill anyone in this scene - the ending harmonies were great

SEVENTEEN - fuck me i liked this the first time i heard it - im biased probably bc i love seventeen knKSCAJ - intro instrumental sounded a bit off key - cole pls dont sound dead - lili sounds great - SEVANTEEN - cole redeemed himself in the harmony chorus - is this shit autotuned???? bitch - SEvANTEEN (Cole Sprouse, 2019) - okay one thing's for sure, the tonight part is dEFINITELY AuTOTUnED - the toni girl is intensely autotuned wtf

LIFEBOAT - WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS INSTRUMENTAL - IT SOUNDS LIKE A NEW SONG LIKE LIFEBOAT WHO?? - I HATE IT - camila you dont sound oppressed - where's the emotion,,,,,elle mclemore who???? - i think the high notes are autotuned???????????????? whats new - I THOUGHT I WAS CAPTAIN - okay lyric change to fit the plot but,,,weird nonetheless - again,,,fuck this instrumental

SEVENTEEN REPRISE - in the episode, it looks weird as hell bc like random cast members are singing it when VERONICA and MARTHA should be singing it - hello??? chandler kurt and ram should be dead yet theyre still on stage???? fully clothed??? singing with everyone else????? - the producers DID NOT watch the musical - "martha are you free tonight?" - the girl playing veronica sawyer sings as she stares out into the audience and not at martha bc riverdale isnt about to cast a fat girl and give a fat girl some screentime on their show - KJ APA PLS - also cheryl,,,pls - a u t o tu n e - the song doesnt make any sense anymore bc it's taken out of context to fit the plot,,, - theyre all singing to an invisible martha - at least the harmonies sound decent fiNALLY - hello head voice - "TAKE oFF OUR SHOES AND DANCe" - the ending "BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL" i could not hear the girls bc they were all. singing. in. head. voice. or was it falsetto??? - im so done with this

OVERALL - what's the point of doing a heathers episode if yall aint gonna stick to the musical - i get that it has to be aligned with the show's plot but,,,,okay you do you - the people playing JD and Veronica were totally ignored bc like some songs meant for them werent even sung by them lmaooOOOO what is this - to summarize: AUTOTUNE - heathers kidz bop version by riverdale (2019) - im honestly just thirsty for new heathers content so i forced myself to live through this - costumes look cute tho - ALSO in their heathers promo poster, josie is wearing her veronica sawyer costume,,,,i dont recall seeing her wear that except for the last scene in seventeen (reprise) - basically seventeen (reprise) was a mess,,, - im judging them so much as if i can do better,,,,,,,,but whatever

IN CONCLUSION - they shouldve learned from their carie episode that musical episodes arent meant for riverdale - at this point, i dont even know what's autotuned and what's real

[licoricecrypt]

Pls introduce me and rant about ur ocs they all look so cool and I wanna know anything about them

(im gonna try my best to make this as readable as possible)

AHHHH OK SO i have a main storyline with my main characters that ive been working on since like 2015ish (yeah i was in like 6th grade theyve changed a lot) and im not gonna give away to to much just bc i plan to make it into an animated series or comic series.

fun fact: the main 5 characters in this story are all based off of characters that me and my best friends made and basically RPed as in elementary school jdjdjdfdjd

so the world these characters live in is the zombie apocalypse but thats not really the main conflict? more of just a main motivation(trying to cure everyone) the main conflict is emotional trauma woohoo and also some villains and stuff 

another important detail about the world is the gods/goddesses theres the underlands(basically what would be their hell) and the abovegrounds(basically what people imagine heaven to be) and that they arent immortal and must pass down their powers via a child (could be theirs or could just be some random kiddo they yanked off the earth)

so uhh this is my main girl katie(shes mostly called just kat) 

(this is the ref i use when i commission art of her super professional i know)  shes basically the leader type character. shes pretty closed off with her traumas and tries not to get super attached to anyone due to the last time she got attached to anyone they all died :) big fun. shes pretty quick to get snappy with someone and has fairly low tolerance for messing around and get mad at herself when she finds that shes enjoying something. 

some major points in her backstory:

grew up around her scientist father

when the apocalypse started she found a group of survivors that called themselves the metalheads(both bc they listened to a lot of metal and because they all had different metal attachments to themselves, hints where kat got the ears)

after a zombie ambush every dies and kat is now alone

(since i dont have any recent refs of the others im just gonna refer back to this post ) ---- then we got daisy(first one to the left) shes the bubbly, happy, always tries to see the best in things type. (im big mad that i cant publicly talk about her backstory since its SUPER spoilery and literally one of the main arcs) 

she also has like ice/snow powers(shes like...elsa) 

while her happy personality is one of her biggest strengths its also one of her flaws, she tries so hard to be happy she doesnt like to deal with her problems and pushes them aside for as long as possible

since the age of about 7 she grew up alone, learning how to be by herself and surviving fairly well until she meets kat not long after the zombie breakout 

----

next imma talk about nate (first to the right)

one of his main struggles is dysphoria(hes trans) and dealing with hiding this fact from his teammates, not knowing how they’ll react 

nate has like planty/naturey powers

hes fairly standard with his personality, caring, gets nervous easily, tries to be as brave as possible. one of his main contributions is his smarts and how he can help everyone out of difficult situations 

the biggest thing about nate is that his mother is literally mother nature, one of the main goddesses of this world, nate doesnt want to fill that responsibility and runs away to earth 

-----

next is inferno(second to the left) 

(this character uses both they/them and she/her so imma switch a lot)

inferno is the strong and caring type, they always want the best for everyone and tries her best to solve everyones problems while ignoring her own. theyre almost like the mother of the group? taking care of everyone and telling them “go to bed or ill beat your ass” when she catches nate working on something at 2am. 

cant say to much about their backstory since it’s part of her main development arc but she is working towards being a goddess 

----

and last of the main 5 theres aiden(second to the right) 

hes the straight big brother, hes the first to learn that nate is trans and instantly super hella supportive, he hangs out with nate even more and theyre easily the closest 2 characters on the team 

aiden uses like *whats the word for it im drawing a blank* like he can lift things with his mind (kinda like the force from starwars) due to these metal rings attached near his shoulders 

as for where he got these rings(stares at the camera like im on the office) spoilery backstory 

----

so then theres match(the orange haired one) and scissors, (the two on the top sides) 

theyre robots build and given life by lilac(demon in the center) and these two dont have to much value story wise because theyre kinda comedic relief for a while before they just go off and do their own thing

---

lilac is one of the characters that i have SO MUCH backstory for but cannot talk about it because of how spoilery it is(which im big mad bc ive spent so much time on her) 

but shes basically the main villain of the first seasonish shes cruel and only cares about getting the main cast out of her way so she can obsorb their powers(she wasnt just born a powerful demon she stole pretty much all her powers) 

----

theres a few characters and arcs still in development for now, (wanna make about 3 seasons? first 2 are pretty much done with development and story but season 2 arcs are likely gonna stay hidden) but uhh thats the main gist of my main characters! sorry for the long post sjfdsofjaf

[beverlyr0ad]

crimes of grindelwald thoughts

alright obvious spoilers not that it matters bc i have one follower lmao but !! i need somewhere to scream abt this movie

first of all i love jacob and newt so much. best parts of this movie honestly i love them and i want them to be happy 

but to be fair i actually rlly rlly enjoyed watching this movie!! like,, there are a looot of things i dont understand about it and i have no idea how they happened or why theyre happening but thats Okay i would still recommend everyone watch it! its so good!!!

good things:

- grindelwald !! i mean,, no hes not a good thing but i really liked how they wrote his character. like i can UNDERSTAND the power he has over people and how hes manipulating them. hes really not just a Voldemort 2.0 and i respect that a lot bc thats not what an entirely different villain should be like. but casting issues and all aside i really liked this

- i also liked the interaction between leta lestrange and dumbledore that was some good stuff and the actors were rlly good too !!! - i like the direction queenie is going in. i mean i dont actually of course but it seems realistic and i think its important and its good character development n stuff so hhh hope that works out later tho !! i am Suspense

- jacob walked into that movie and i was like !!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD i love him so much and it was rlly nice to see him back even if i dont think it was that neat to have him lose his memory of everything that happened for significance and in this movie have everything go like WHOOMP hes back but i uhhhh loved it anyway so this is not a complaint its a good thing - i still loved newt and having a good main character makes the whole movie a better watch in general. ive seen sequels where i just Cant get attatched to the new characters but wow i didnt really have much of a problem with that here

- it was also never boring and i really just loved n enjoyed this movie a lot!!!  okay hhh bad things/things that i personally disliked:

- ive seen different opinions on this but??? what was that blood pact????? what are u doing??????????????? i cant even be coherent properly so here are the main reasons that was rlly dumb

1- w-who does that in a romantic relationship ever :o and yes jkr has literally said dumbledore n grindelwald were in LOVE HELLO feel free to correct me if im wrong on anything but if ur gonna say it u should show it,,,, Continuity Please. anyway separate issue but if u love someone youre not gonna be like “hey lets make SURE we dont fight each other ever” because youll trust that the other person?? isnt gonna fight u???!!!???? im

2- thats literally not the reason he “cannot move against grindelwald” okay like it shouldnt be. this conversation literally happens in dh and dumbledore says he was scared of facing what rlly happened when ariana died!! there was no actual physical thing stopping him!!! the only acceptable justification is that he doesnt want to face this ghosts of his past and that moment and he is SCARED okay so COME ON give dumbledore his faults! hes scared of his past and that IS the reason!!

3- wait how did grindelwald, aberforth, and albus fight if they had already entered a blood pact. like i dont think albus would aim for his own brother EVER but could he even attack grindelwald if they had a blood pact?? not sure how this works lol but who was he aiming for then??? just firing everywhere randomly without intention cause that sounds,,, significantly harder to believe and makes that scene loads messier esp if grindelwald couldnt aim for albus either so

4- the blood pact was so frickin unnecessary im sobbing. like there was the scene where its all like “oh some say you were as close as brothers” and dumbledore is like “oh we were closer than brothers...” and im like OK! the little scene in the air doesnt explicitly reveal anything either so thats ok but the closer than brothers line was rlly revealing for me. at least for like two minutes and then dumbledore looked in the mirror and saw himself making a blood pact w grindelwald. like ok is That what u meant by closer than brothers bc thats what everythings pointing to but it shouldnt be and i.............ugh

5- im honestly just kind of hhhhhhhhhhhh. i can concede that the blood pact might be significant in later films and i look forward to watching them! but. at the same time i. wish that if you were going to say dumbledore was gay it would actually be explicitly referenced in the movie, instead of dancing around that and dropping it in hints and pieces that fans of the series who know this information will understand and others can just dismiss as friendship! there were So Many good places in this movie to include this fact (altho feel free to disagree w me haha) and i think that not including this fact was honestly tiring.

- nagini...........obv this isnt a huge problem bc idk where her story will go next n it might develop n become important but as of rn, i have no idea what her role in this movie is. i wonder if her reappearance in the harry potter series will actually be of significance and if itll be explained how she will end up under servitude to voldemort bc i genuinely dont understand right now. it just seems like a cameo to draw attention in the trailer ghgdjh

- leta lestrange’s death didnt feel right or impactful and im sad . definitely a huge opinion here but it felt like a mandatory character snuff to make the movie sad and ghdsjgfh oh well :(

- little continuity issues?? dumbledore being DADA professor instead of transfiguration bc Boggarts Are Important For Foreshadowing. also how is mcgonagall an adult or actually how is she even alive and um of course the fact that this movie doesnt confirm what jkr has said about dumbledore and grindelwald beforehand. 

- im actually going to totally repeat myself bc this deserves a separate point umm why arent dumbledore and grindelwald actually shown as in love with each other as young men. its completely relevant to the movie and its not hard to put it in there instead of the bLOOD PACT (ask anyone irl ive been screaming abt the blood pact ever since i came out of that movie). anyway i know david yates said he wouldnt be including that as part of the movie as fans are aware of that aNyway but its not that hard to understand. people are asking for actual representation?? not smt vague??? because this is just here to Please People. if u refuse to see this ship, ure just gonna see them as having a friendship! maybe u havent heard about what jkr said or maybe ure choosing to ignore it bc,, idk that says smt about u, or maybe another reason idk! but if u go into this knowing they were In Love and hoping to see confirmation of dumbledore being canonically gay, youre going to hear that “oh, we were more than brothers” line and be like oh yeah we been knew, or more seriously like hey! maybe we’re getting a canon confirmation, not just floaty young people leaning towards each other! like when he looked in the mirror i was like okay This Is It this is gna be confirmation but then it wasnt oop. it was the !!! bloooood paaact !!! which means that people could interpret the “closer than brothers” line as meaning oh we done did a blood pact that means we blood related look at us go! Wow! so this is basically just a half azzed attempt at pleasing people w stereotypical viewpoints and people happy to see representation. hmmmmmmmmmm.. (psst if u actually ship older dumbledore n grindelwald tho What Are You Doing Stop !! thats not a healthy relationship, grindelwald is an awful person and dumbledore deserves to grow from the person he was before!!! he deserves so much better!!! im not saying to ship them but im saying that if we’re gonna say they were in love as young men and if we are going to confirm that dumbledore is gay well,,, lets put that in canon pls!!!! we need canon representation but we dont need to pretend this ship is healthy or good bc its representation either. this isnt shipping this is asking to acknowledge that dumbledore was gay and in love with grindelwald and its confirmed that grindelwald was in love with him too. in the place the story of tcog is now, that relationship is not ever going to happen again and if u actually think it is ure suffering from some next-level delusion. just be definitive and acknowledge that your characters are LGBT tho pls!! u said they were!!! actually i would be so much happier to see a Happy And Healthy LGBT Pairing can we have that? please?)

- big spoiler but hOW IS CREDENCE ALBUS’ BROTHER WHAT IS HAPPENING DKFJDKSH i need to separate my thoughts again

1- AGE DIFFERENCE........apparently dumbledore is like 46 in this movie right?? credence doesnt look over 20. okay percival dumbledore is put in azkaban before albus starts school right?? so the maximum age albus can be is 11. now im gonna say that kendra was not having any more kids w anyone else after that incident fs so the oldest albus can be when ariana is born is 12, leaving room for some other stuff okay. ALBUS AND CREDENCE DONT LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A 12 YEAR AGE GAP WHAT IS HAPPENINF

2- i saw people theorizing that credence is ariana’s son and NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLS NO

3- not an actual issue but i thought grindelwald said his name was berrylius dumbledore which i later remembered as berrylium dumbledore and anyway thank god for the internet

4- okay at this point i cant tell if this has just been brought in for shock value or smt like. is this relevant to the plot. is grindelwald even telling the truth. w-why did the movie end there. help....... i think thats it but i do want to say that i respect the rights of the creator jkr to do whatever she wants w these characters. its her world! but i can have a whole bunch of opinions n feelings about this movie and still support it. after all, i love harry potter and the whole wizarding world w my whole heart. 

did anyone even read that LOOOL that was so long sorry

[earth-to-ezra]

omgomgomg i watched black widow THREE times in the theatres (my mom scolded me on my spending choices but sMh my money, i’ll spend it on what i want (kidding pls im broke #studentdebt)) and the day it came out on disney+?? i biked to my friends house (and yes u guessed it: i fell off the bike and scraped my knee but ALL WORTH IT FOR NATASHA ROMANOFF) and i watched it at her place!! (and then i watched it again a few hours after with my brother and mom fjkdkfkd can u tell im obsessed)

BUT UES WE’RE SO ALIKE I LOVE IT! and the way we’re so close too? when we both finish school plsss can we meet <3 there’s this cute cafe that has the best waffles i’ll take you there (do u like to do pottery? bc we should do that too <33 if not MOVIE MARATHON) and fineee i’ll slow down (and make it in an hour :D !!)

you saying AoU being your heart makes me so happy ohmygosh i remember being on twt and there were all these people complaining about it 😔 like pls i just want to go <33333 over my (second) favourite twins (bc we are my favourite twins now gjdkgkd)

also im not even joking now i have a tummy ache 😵‍💫 istg 😭 but it’s okay as long as yours went away!!

fall is the best omg <33 not only because it’s always beautiful but nOw because ik your birthday’s in the fall!! i’m a spring person because my birthday PLS motts was right we are twins (perhaps clones fkdkfkd)

alright im writing too much but: who’s your absolute favourite marvel character?

— 🧇 (watch me start to write more and more pls i apologize in advance <33)

ps. YOU are the coolest, nicest, most wonderful person ever. mic drop, no more arguing <3 it’s settled UR the best

i watched black widow in theatres once 😂 and i had work at 8am and went to the 12am showing 🙃 even though the theatre was also 40 minutes away! it was a BAD idea but i regretted nothing 😂😂 ive watched it like SO many times since too tho

omg YEA WHEN WE BOTH FINISH SCHOOL LETS MEET :))) <3 and yessss cafe with waffles and YES POTTERY!!! ive never done pottery beforee :)) but also yes to movie marathon!!! pleasee just make it an hour forty five or two hours thats a three hour driveee 🥹😅

PUh LEASE no i dont take aou haters seriously i just ignore them!!! but yessss rave over our second favourite twins (were the best twins 😎)

oh nooo no tummy ache :(( i hope your tummy ache feels better!!! mine did finally go away tho :)

omg we are DEFINITELY twins (or clones)!! the spring is like my second favouriteee!! its so pretty and i like the weather too :)))

youre never writing too much!!! i love responding to you :)) but AHHHHH i have like 4? i like yelena and natasha and wanda and tony :)) like it just keeps g r o w i n g its a problemmm 😂🙃 yours?

(write as much as you like sweet i love talking to you 🥰)

ps. YOU are the coolest most awesome most wonderful and smart person ever. i win this one 😎 YOURE the best :))

[the-lost-hastur]

//okay i have a lot... a LOT to say under the cut. i needed a moment to collect my thoughts lol

tldr: my only main issue with this is that i wished they didnt make her into an orphan, at least give her amoline like ive headcanoned for so long mostly cause im kinda tired of that orphan trope. how many characters in league does that make that are now orphans? >_>

guess now i cant be the hastur house anymore? ;o;

first i read her lore update;

it actually saddens me that they got rid of the gray order entirely actually. (and the voodoo lands too i think?) because the idea of a bunch of noxians wanting to run things their way without all the factions wars was a neat idea. they turned more into a small colony of people who were tired of noxus which i guess works? but cmon, gray order sounds cooler than colony right?

READING THE FACT THAT AMOLINE, A CHARACTER IVE DEVELOPED BASED ON NOTHING, TO SEE HER DIE, KILLED ME SOFTLY ON THE INSIDE. i absolutely loved how i portrayed her!! a powerful witch who easily terrified those who didnt know her, but a kind loving mother and teacher to the others in the order. we need less shitty moms in the league universe riot :c im glad my connection with old human tibbers and now old amoline remained in canon... somehow 

i suppose now she really doesnt like adults that are from the cities, which is fine but ive developed mine to try and be a bit friendlier. adjusting back to her more disgusted demeanor towards city adults will be interesting

i was actually surprised to see how they decided to give her a stepsister to play with too. it was interesting to find out that i originally headcanoned her to have troubles with kids her age, and i was pretty accurate now in canon lol

onto the cinematic;

first off, the art style is absolutely GORGEOUS. just like how they stated in their behind the scenes, it really does look like a moving painting and as someone whose painted on large traditional canvases, it was rather appealing to see

riot

why you gotta do me dirty like this LMAO 

the fact that she wants her mom to come back is also pretty heart wrenching, but we see in the third image that annie is also pretty aware that amoline is gone. she probably didnt want leanna (maybe) and daisy dead, but just gone since she seemed happiest with gregori and amoline. (also gregori im so sorry that i headcanoned you to be a piece of shit for so long LOL)

some thoughts i had during the short;

why does she look demacian

(real quick why is her hair brown here, magenta/hot pink in game, then red in her art? riot hello?)

they at least kept the fact that if you try to take tibbers from her... well, you gon get it

AGAIN, IM REALLY SORRY FOR HEADCANONING YOU THE WAY I DID GREGORI. BUT RIOT WAS SO LAZY UP UNTIL NOW. i also somewhat expected a more warlock/heavily bearded man too? either way im not complaining.

pls give him dad of the year okay im done talking about her dad LMAO

for this scene im really glad that despite their little tiff earlier, daisy was still willing to play with annie and seems like she didnt resent her for burning her (she kinda did call tibbers stupid, who is now the last memory she has of amoline) it’s pretty clear that she really only resented leanna

he caLLS HER FIREFLY IM NOT OKAY

im getting sidetracked--

aside from the fact that they made her an orphan (which i will forever resent), im rather pleased with this update overall. yes, i did say it was sad to see the gray order go just like that (and amoline) but they at least finally gave us more solid facts on her character, background, tibbers, her dad-- everything. with how all the other lore changes are going, having the gray order around might be tricky to deal with regarding noxus lore. 

so yes, i will be changing a majority of headcanons (in canon lore at least) to match up with this change. academy au will now probably have her parents still alive, but just divorced,along with her mean stepmom and step sister daisy (changed accordingly to au)

im unsure on whether to keep human tibbers around or not (ironically, i redrew how he looks in my current style a few days ago too LOL) and yes my trashy platonic ship between annie and ekko will continue forever and always. i just need another ekko to platonic ship with is all

riot kept all of us annie mains (yeah, a whole 7 of us LMAO) waiting long enough and im overall pleased with it. like ive said before, heart broken that all my headcanons will practically be inconsistent but i feel refreshed at the same time too! it really makes me want to jump back into being more active. i’ll still also draw beloved lady amoline and keep all stories with her up but i dont know if i’ll continue to role play her. perhaps i’ll add her father ignore the fact that they’re dead LMAO(though i suppose if people rp and ship xayah and rakan with other champions/characters, rping as deceased characters isnt that bad, right?) >o>);;;

im... curious to see how this blog will be run now, with all these sudden changes lol

[autistic-council-spectre]

CHARACTERS: abrudas, sparatus, tevos, garrus, and nihlus ;)

gleefully rubs my little paws together Yes A Good Askso much of this got rambly n vaguely weird tho rip i apologize for my entire existence Abrudas:-how I feel about this character: lt valis abrudas is the most beautiful and wonderful turian in canon she could break me in half and id thank her tbqh -all the people I ship romantically with this character: b4 i met saren id probably have shrugged but listen,,,desabrudas is a good ship and now im stuck forever in rarepair hell there is No Escape-my non romantic OTP for this character: mmm saren like u Can't convince me that hanging with des and dating him she Somehow wouldn't become friends and a sister like figure?? lies all of it they r good friends and family especially after everything goes sideways -my unpopular opinion for this character: honestly,,,half the fandom doesn't know she even exists so like (: Fuck can it be that she should have showed up in me3 as a special  edition 2 everything bc honestly -one thing I wish would have happen/had happened with this character in canon: SO MANY OKAY SO MANY BUT LIKE OKAY SO there's this one part in the comics where one of timmys asshole friends says some?? nonsense that's rlly gross an racist+sexist so lol it was Bad and honestly,,, valis should have just fuckin beat him up doesn't matter she was in cuffs she should have torn him a new one tbh fuck him+u can't,,u can't convince me it didn't happen off screen shhSparatus:-how I feel about this character: DOES NOT GET ENOUGH LOVE+DID NOTHING WRONG IN LIFE thank u goodnight -all the people I ship romantically with this character: his lovely wife teia!! they r adorable old birbs and they are in lurve -my non romantic OTP for this character: val + sparatus like canon even agrees they have p similar views tbh?? so i feel like they'd be pretty friendly an pick on the new ppl together an conspire against anderson/udina when they take the council seat -my unpopular opinion for this character: he has done nothing wrong??? ever??? let him sleep??? like ya okay my knee jerk reaction was also wow he's being so mean to shep >:///  but once u use ur thinker u realize that hey!!! u sound bonkers!! and he's literally doing his job so like,,,let him sleep and stop being a dick with the ah yes reapers joke it's old and gross + ALSO PLS DONT SHIP HIM AND SHEP FUCK like that's gross on,,,so many levels,,,i could write u a small essay on the Fuck Ton of reasons why -one thing I wish would have happen/had happened with this character in canon: teia needs to show up so she can smoorch sparatus on the cheek pls he is very stressed+needs some affection bioware where is his beautiful wifeTevos:-how I feel about this character: the Mom Friend tm i love her she's totally the responsible one on the council -all the people I ship romantically with this character: humms honestly her an aria r kinda cute together tbh?? but that's mostly from art ive seen idk much about the ship itself But i do have a lil sorta oc for her that im still working on fleshing out all the way,,i do figure tho she'd be kinda private about it bc of both council stuff+a general preference to keep her private life just that -my non romantic OTP for this character: honestly i kinda feel like tevos and teia would end up being friends and bonding?? like idk why they just seem like they'd make good fronds and go out for cups of coffee after work 2 indulge in lil bits of gossip and general chatting -my unpopular opinion for this character: so everyone is also rlly salty about the thing where she's like yo we can't rlly help you out until you help us and like??? honestly it's understandable that she didn't wanna help the humans out without getting some assistance in return like even ppl in little every day situations do that so like :// can ppl pls let the council do their job got dang -one thing I wish would have happen/had happened with this character in canon: mmm okay so ignore my lack of memory rip but i rlly wish they had explored a bit more about the conspiracy with the matriarchs thing like??? did she know a lot did she not know Did canon explain this and i forgot?? did she like do things willingly or nah?? give me the answers bioware  Garrus:-how I feel about this character: SHAPED LIKE A FRIEND like listen,,he's huge as fuck+could prob kick me across the room on accident but he is shaped like a friend -all the people I ship romantically with this character: i am Really Fucking fond of shakarian honestly, him an tali kinda but some of it feels rlly forced so it's like??? conflicted noises :/ AND SAREN GOT ME TO SHIP HIM AND TASORA send help,, garrus needs more hands 4 his gfs-my non romantic OTP for this character: mm i rlly like the idea of him and wrex and ash all bonding and being friendly?? an getting over their own misgivings of each other and just aaa give it 2 me bioware i need friends bonding -my unpopular opinion for this character: tbh no one seems 2 rlly point out that garrus was also p racist in the beginning too? like everyone likes 2 do the whole Space Racist Ash bit, which is a whole nother thing i could get into rip, and is conveniently quiet when u point out garrus said some fucked up stuff :// like don't get me wrong i luv my boy but like?? he's not a 100% pure cinnamon roll who's done nothing wrong -one thing I wish would have happen/had happened with this character in canon: shrug emoji honestly im p happy with how his stuff went tbh from what im remembering?? i mean i do kinda wish he got more closure for the deaths of his omega squad mates bc i don't rlly remember him getting much??? pls get some help my sonNihlus:-how I feel about this character: yes hi hello i am adorable u should look @my face more often But Seriously i rlly love him?? esp since he basically saw saren “tiny ball of anger and asocial behaviors” arterius and went That One, That One Is My New Best Friend-all the people I ship romantically with this character: my name is nihlus kryik and i!!! am really!!! fucking gay for saren arterius!!! thank you 4 coming to my ted talk -my non romantic OTP for this character: mmmMMM avitus tbh mainly because i remember us Bonding over saren “im going to biotically punch this mech in the face and refuse to see a doctor after for my broken hand” arterius being our mentor and friend-my unpopular opinion for this character: mmm i guess it's less of him as a character and more how the fandom views him But Like??? nihlus isn't scared of saren wtf???? like ya okay sure the initial HOLY SHIT saren arterius is interacting with me?? talking to me?? holyshitholyshit mildly intimidated would have happened but once he got used to him like,,he'd have just accepted sarens mildly odd ways and difficulty in interacting at times and rolled with it + activated Mom Friend Mode tm around him-one thing I wish would have happen/had happened with this character in canon: anyways original canon is a lie and nihlus lived+smooched saren when he saw him at eden prime bc he is a gay nerd who's first response 2 seeing his bf is to do a kiss  

[like-sands-of-time]

so this is something I sorta come to terms with in every fandom im in with a closeted ship but it's literally always relevant, and always kinda weird to think about as a stan but it's still so so important to mention...

as shippers it doesn't matter how much we love them, how loyal we are to them as individuals and as a couple, our #1 needs to be their happiness not ours. what I mean by that so this doesn't sound wayyy out of context is if they don't wanna ever come out, if they just don't want/feel they can't/etc. to come out now but maybe they might change their mind, if they feel pressured either by themselves, by those around them, or even by hollywood in general to make choices regarding pr relationships that they look absolutely miserable in then all we can do is support them. sure you can leave the fandom any time you want, there's no contract or obligation or anything but if you can see past the fact that they're not living out their lives the way you want them and the way they feel they need to(and let's just think about it, how content do you think your idols actually are that they even think they have to do something like that because they're worried what their fans might think, what directors, costars etc. might think, how their career might not make it very far because Hollywood is so fake progressive about things) im sure you can see that that choice doesn't make them any happier ultimately. maybe it was an obligation one made for a project. or maybe their teams both were like hey we should do a mutually beneficial pr relationship.. IDK and we won't ever 100% know cos we're not in the meeting rooms w them.

ANYWAY I got sidetracked a bit. the point of this whole thing is yeah you can get frustrated with them, I'm sure they're very frustrated with the choices they make too at times, but that doesn't change their values or who they are, that doesn't mean they're a liar and everything they might have said about political, religious, personal, etc. views is a lie bc this one part of Hollywood that absolutely sucks.

just.. realize that you're not always gonna be 100% happy with the person you stan or the ship you like because they're real ppl who have to make decisions that have more reasons behind them than we could possibly begin to speculate given we don't actually know everything. our whole blogs are dedicated to summarizing what we see and what we think it means based on other ships, based on them, and based on how much we respect them honestly cos some of you guys assume the absolute worst of your idols when any sort of headline or anything appears.

just, remember that they make mistakes just like you, except their entire lives are blown up so people like you who make proportional mistakes can analyze literally everything and make assumptions about them based on those choices, those .001 second flashes to get picture perfect moments.

also I saw this in someone else's post so im not trying to steal but it was really accurate imo.. specifically regarding this fandom, charmie: Timmy's motivation to do this stuff isn't for the attention or fame, that much seems crystal clear to me. he embraces the awkwardness and sort of self deprication that's very real for our generation. he embraces the fact that he is who he is, I don't think he's ever thought he was that cool popular guy, nor do I think he wants to be. he seems far too introspective and wise for his age to get too close to that kind of thing.

Timmy's motivation is more to not be the minor/side role his whole career. he loves what he does, he doesn't care what genre the movie is, what work he has to put into himself physically or mentally bc he likes the challenge.(he's said all of that). he just wants to be the lead role imo. he wants to be a main actor not stuck on the sidelines or forgotten about and there's nothing wrong with that. ESPECIALLY because he truly does have the talent, the dedication and hard work, the love of what he does to bring all his characters to life even if they are the farthest thing from his irl personality. he seems to make friends with everyone he works with, seems genuinely happy to be where he is even if he's really nervous.

unfortunately for that goal you have to be seen a certain way and Timmy is not some buff, masculine, manly dude bro guy. I'm pretty sure from the beginning of cmbyn promo there has been name calling about his sexuality based on his body type/looks and it's absolutely not cool but yet nothing really new.. that type of "based on what you look like you must be like x" is what drives so much of that industry to work out and diet til their unhealthy, to change their personalities to seem more likeable, etc.

I really hope with the roles he's done so far it's enough to show that you don't have to be that guy to be lead material but i genuinely don't know... I don't think it's something he even wants to do long term, he seems v happy to have a close honest relationship with fans no matter where in the world he goes and he doesn't seem to be losing his love for his job and anywhere it takes him so if The King and Dune go well let's hope he's allowed more freedom to be who he truly is bts.

I really dont think he's some manipulative guy and I never have been one to change lots of ppls opinions but honestly I'm not a hardcore stan. I saw the movie (cmbyn) and gushed a bit for a little bit in the beginning of 2018 but ive literally only just come back bc I saw he was doing some more cool stuff.

I've been in fandoms where the two ppl in the ship haven't even been seen together in years, everytime fans comment about the things they say or how close they might be there's an article about how they hate each other. ive seen ppl I stan struggle to get respect in such a tough/unfeeling industry with their hard work and fear being honest and sabotaging their hard work. it's a real thing and almost any now-out actor/musician/etc. that I've seen talk about it talks about just how traumatic it truly is. even if you aren't internally homophobic, even if you were cool with yourself and your life before, anxiety, self doubt and the fear of judgement and career sabotage seriously messes w artists. i don't know that everyone out there is as strong-willed as we think we are.

THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY FOR NOW sorry for rambling and pls bring on the comments about how dumb and ignorant I am it's really great seeing how ppl handle differences in opinion. (: