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fairyysoup Ā· 1 month ago
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the devil i know
chapter one: god you've got the blackest eyes
(repost)
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fic tag | fic playlist | fic masterlist
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pairing(s): crossroads demon!eddie munson x fem!reader
summary: To summon a demon at a crossroads, simply cast a circle, make an offering, and recite an incantation. What happens from that point on is subject to your desireā€¦ and the demonā€™s.
cw: explicit, smut, dubcon elements, making a deal with a demon, inspired by american and european folklore, sacrilegious themes, horror, witch!reader, reader is 21+ in modern day, eddie is immortal, coercion (a bit), sex pact, marking, possessive behavior, animal death, trauma, reader is ostracized by her very religious hometown, dark comedy, tfw your accidental boyfriend is a demon who is obsessed with you bc he doesnā€™t know how to be normal about anything ever, dead dove: do not eat
please check masterlist and individual parts for content warnings before reading. this fic contains dark themes. your media consumption is your own responsibility.
a/n: Hi folks, for the month of October this year I'm going to be reuploading all the chapters of this fic onto tumblr, this time hopefully for good. I apologize for the time that it's been taken down. Genuinely, this fic has garnered so much kindness and support and I think of it as one of my biggest accomplishments. I hope you all enjoy it just as much the second time around as the first.
ALL OF MY WORKS ARE 18+ MINORS DNI
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Through me you pass into the city of woe, Through me you pass into eternal pain, Through me you pass among forsaken people. Justice moved my exalted creator; I was wrought by divine power, Supreme wisdom, and primal love. Before me all things created were eternal, And eternal I endure. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. -Dante Alighieri, The Inferno, Canto III
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The book youā€™ve used for ages now, since late in your junior year of high school, has only one page in it that you havenā€™t utilized. You donā€™t know how much faith to put in itā€“ youā€™re a little short on faith, these daysā€“ but, the spellbook lays it out simply, so you follow its directions to the letter.Ā 
To summon a demon at a crossroads, go to a place where two paths meet on the dark moon. You find peace and quiet in the woods, deep where you know no one walks at night but two paths cross in a small clearing banked with trees. Itā€™s your favorite place to go when you want to do a spellā€“ ritualā€“ and you donā€™t want to be bothered. The whole thing canā€™t be more than twenty feet across. Above the overhang of trees, thereā€™s no moon in the sky, only stars.
Cast a circle of protection. That took more research than just the book in your hands, but years of collecting information have given you learned knowledgeā€“ there are a million ways to cast a circle, and different circles for different purposes. You do your best to create one for protection. You draw a literal circle in the dirt with a stick, fill it with salt, and walk around the circle three times clockwise to cast it. You light candles to give yourself some light, and to free up your hands of the flashlight you carried to see your way through the woods.Ā 
Make an offering of copper. Your hand pauses on the copper dog tag in your hand. Youā€™d thought of just offering a penny, but you remembered reading somewhere that pennies barely contain copper anymore, and you didnā€™t have anything else that was entirely made of the one metal.Ā 
You run your finger over the embossed name on it. Lacey. Your petā€™s old collar feels heavy in your hand as you remove the tag from the leather strap and bury it in the earth, you guess, to reach theā€¦ Underworld? Hell? You canā€™t honestly say, considering the text youā€™re referencing only calls it the Otherworld.
Itā€™s a big sacrifice. Itā€™s personal. But, you guess, that gives it more meaning. Making a deal is personal business, and you have your reasons.
Recite the summoning incantation. A stanza of words you donā€™t understand. You donā€™t think itā€™s in Latin, but you try your best, all the same. You read them from the book before you, and feel your blood rushing in your veins as you do.
State your desire out loud in a clear voice. Well, thatā€™s a little more difficult. What is it that you want?
You take a breath, go to speak, and then stop. You donā€™t know how to start. You donā€™t know exactly how to describe your pain. You donā€™t know how to voice your anger well enough, you just know you need toā€¦ you need to get it out, somehow. This is a very crucial step in the ritual, you have to do it.
ā€œI came here to make a deal,ā€ you speak frankly, clearly. ā€œIā€™m prepared to do anything. Iā€™ve run out of options. Iā€™ve been hurt too many times, by too many people who didnā€™t care what they did to me. Iā€™ve lost everything I genuinely loved. Iā€™mā€¦ Iā€™m angry, and desperate, and Iā€™m frightened. And I feel so alone. Itā€™s eating me alive, and I justā€¦ I just want the ability to make things go my way, for once.ā€ Good enough, you hope.
Wait for an answer.
You do. You listen intently, to the song of the leaves in the trees rustling in the slight breeze, to the crickets chirping in the grass. You wait long enough that you start to rethink your approach.Ā 
It could be that things will turn around if you just wait another month, or another month after that. Maybe youā€™ll get the car back. Maybe youā€™ll get the promotion that was given to the newbie that you trained. Maybe your ex will stop coming around your work to intimidate you. Maybe youā€™ll get a new dog to take the place of the one that he killed. Maybe the evangelical town you live in will stop shunning you and calling you a witch, like something out of the middle ages.
Unlikely, that last one.
Just when you swear itā€™s a failure, that you should just pack up and leave, thatā€™s when a strong gust of wind rips through the clearing out of nowhere. The candles blow outā€“ and then, oddly enough, relight themselves. Thereā€™s a slight scent of smoke on the breeze, and you look around to make sure none of the candles fell over in the wind.
Theyā€™re all perfectly fine. Thereā€™s nothing amiss, it seems, until you hear a cough and movement across the clearing. You look forward, and see a pair of black combat boots in the stream of light from your flashlight. You follow the boots up to a pair of legs, clad in dark jeans, and then further up, to a torso, and a head, and a pair of sparkling eyes.
ā€œHi.ā€
You stare at him, probably looking like a fish out of water with the way your mouth opens and closes. Youā€™d fully expected the traditional scary depiction of a demonā€“ maybe horns, goat hooves, et cetera. But the man that answered your call isā€¦ just a man. A pretty one. He has long, curly hair, which falls over his broad shoulders and stirs in the wind. His plush lips curve up in a relaxed, cocky smile, as he takes in the sight of you in return.Ā 
He quirks an eyebrow at you. ā€œAre you just gonna stare at me all night?ā€Ā 
ā€œSorry, hi. Hello.ā€ You shake your head. ā€œCan you believe I honestly thought Iā€™ve been doing it wrong this whole time?ā€Ā 
ā€œI can believe a lot of things. You know, thereā€™s a reason why the demon summoning ritual is first in that book.ā€ His voice is soft and resonant. You get a mental image of heat waves radiating from tar-black and glowing magma, rolling slowly over lava beds. The image disappears just as soon as it flashes into your mind.
ā€œWell, to be completely honest, I wasnā€™t sure how I felt about making a deal with a demon first thing,ā€ you explain, looking away shyly. ā€œBut Iā€™ve tried all the spells in this book and not a single one of them worked. Just seems like everything is getting worse all the time.ā€
He doesnā€™t look awayā€“ rather, he keeps staring at you, unblinkingly. Like youā€™re the most fascinating creature heā€™s ever seen. He leans up against the tree that he appeared beside, his leather jacket falling open to reveal a shirt with a demonā€™s head on it. Fitting. He takes a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket.Ā 
ā€œSo, now you wanna make a deal with little olā€™ me, huh?ā€ He grins, a gorgeous smile that flashes bright, sharp teeth at you. He lifts a cigarette to his mouth and bites it gently between his teeth. He doesnā€™t pull out a lighter. Instead, you watch him light up with a small flame that erupts from the tip of his thumb.Ā 
ā€œDepends on who you are,ā€ you retort, eyes following the movement of his hands. Theyā€™re weighed down by large, silver rings that reflect the light of the flame before it snuffs out. ā€œWhatā€™s your name?ā€
He makes a short noise in his throat, shaking his head abruptly. He doesnā€™t look nearly as intimidating as you feel he shouldā€“ more like heā€™s trying to warn you against something you donā€™t want. He peers at you from beneath his wavy bangs as he pulls the cigarette from his mouth and uses it to point at you. ā€œNames are really powerful things where I come from, babydoll. Best not to bite off more than you can chew yet. Once we cut a dealā€“ thatā€™s when you get my name.ā€
You make a face as you mull that over. ā€œSo what do I call you, in the meantime? Demon daddy?ā€Ā 
ā€œYou could,ā€ he chuckles. The demon rocks to the side, crossing his legs at the ankles. ā€œIf you really wanted to. I wouldnā€™t mind, itā€™s flattering.ā€Ā 
You grunt. ā€œI think Iā€™ll pass on that, actually.ā€ He tilts his head with a sicker, watching you with an amused smile while you shift in place. ā€œSo, do Iā€“ I mean, you need to know what I want, right? Is that how this starts?ā€
ā€œNo, I know what you want.ā€ He exhales a stream of smoke from his nostrils. ā€œYou want power. To get a fair shake, find your place, change your life. Defend yourself against the assholes making that life, well. A living hell.ā€ As he spits out the words, his voice rings sharp through the trees, like the strike of a hammer on glowing metal, shooting sparks off into the air.Ā 
ā€œI want to take all this pain and justā€¦ return to sender. Give it back to them, yā€™know? I never wanted any of it,ā€ you justify. Your voice is too small in comparison with his. ā€œMaybe then Iā€™ll be able to fucking breathe.ā€
For how little space you allow yourself to take up, he seems to consume the rest of it. He nods slowly. ā€œThatā€™s a fair request, sweetheart.ā€
ā€œItā€™s selfish, I know.ā€
ā€œMaking a deal for power is inherently a selfish thing,ā€ he shrugs. ā€œOwn it. Iā€™m certainly not judging.ā€
You let out a shaky breath. Youā€™re still so nervous, being so near himā€“ ten feet away and growing closer every second, it seems, even though neither of you have moved. You feel like, no matter how far you pull back, the flow of fiery lava he seems to embody will keep creeping towards you until youā€™re burned alive.
His dark eyes glow like coals in the night as he looks you up and down, and then he quickly pushes himself away from the tree. You startle at the abrupt movement, and watch as he swings around it like Gene Kelly on a lamp post.Ā 
When he rounds the tree, he uses the momentum to throw himself toward your circle. You flinch, and he frowns, but continues moving toward you at a slower pace, holding his hands out innocently. ā€œWanna know a secret? About how all this,ā€ he twirls a finger in the air, indicating the ritual youā€™re in the middle of, ā€œworks?ā€
You nod, gazing up at him shyly. If you felt at all powerful while casting the circle and starting the ritual, heā€™s managed to take the wind out of your sails. You can feel the power radiating off of him in waves.
He smirks at you. ā€œYou make your petitionā€“ when you say the words in that little book,ā€ he points at the volume at your feet, ā€œand that petition is answered by whichever demon caters most to that desire.ā€ He points at himself emphatically, his eyebrows raised. ā€œMe? Infernal majesty of freaks and misfits. Iā€™m your demon daddy.ā€
You finally giggle, and it makes him smile fondly, like thatā€™s what heā€™d been gunning for all along. He backs up a step and puffs his cigarette.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m here to help you, sweetheart.ā€ He regards you for a second, like heā€™s thinking things over. ā€œThat is, as long as you agree to my terms.ā€
ā€œTerms?ā€ You echo, but you were sort of expecting that. Nothing for nothing, right? ā€œWhat are the terms?ā€
ā€œAh, theyā€™re simple. Very traditional,ā€ he waves his hand like itā€™s frivolous. He holds his hand out in midair, and just like how heā€™d conjured the flames, he produces a weathered book. It looks like a composition book that has scribbles and doodles all over the front of itā€“ the same demon head that adorns his shirt. ā€œYou sign your name with your blood in my little black book, you hop on one foot with your hand on your head and pledge your undying fealty to the dark lord Kthulu, and then you meet me on the sabbath to kill a child and make them into soup.ā€Ā 
He smiles, fluttering his eyelashes at you innocently.Ā 
ā€œAre you fucking serious?ā€ You blurt.Ā 
ā€œOf course Iā€™m not fucking seriousā€“ what is this, the dark ages?ā€ He snorts as he lowers the composition book. ā€œNah, we donā€™t do human sacrifice on the sabbath anymore, it was getting too difficult to evade the witch hunters.ā€
ā€œWhat?ā€
ā€œNothing.ā€ He flashes you a disarming grin. You can feel yourself halfway smirking as well, incredulous but somehow enjoying his humor. Then he shakes his head and says, seriously, ā€œNo, you do have to sign my book, though. And then meet me back here on the full moon to fuck.ā€
You blink at him, reeling from the whiplash of that. ā€œYouā€¦ Iā€™m sorry?ā€
ā€œI find it best not to sugarcoat it, yā€™know.ā€ He shrugs, ā€œThink of this as a marriage, of sorts. I give you the power to smite thine enemies, live deliciously, blah blah blah, and then you meet me at the crossroads every full moon to be my whore and we fuck like bunnies all night. Simple as that.ā€
ā€œThatā€™s far from simple.ā€
ā€œIt doesnā€™t have to be monogamous, if thatā€™s what youā€™re worried about,ā€ he continues frankly, ā€œexcept on the full moon. I wonā€™t compromise about thatā€“ youā€™ll be all mine, and Iā€™m all yours. No takesies backsies.ā€
ā€œNoā€“ thatā€™s notā€“ā€ You exhale, holding your hands over your eyes. ā€œIā€™m justā€¦ not promiscuous like thatā€¦ā€
ā€œSweetheart.ā€ He waits until youā€™ve lowered your hands to look at him, and he hums, with a saccharine smile that reminds you of the power youā€™d felt sweep through the clearing when he arrived. ā€œYou wonā€™t be the first good girl Iā€™ve broken, and you wonā€™t be the last. If youā€™re worried about promiscuity, wellā€¦ I answered your petition. I know what goes on in that pretty head, and it barely scratches the surface of what Iā€™ve seen and done.ā€Ā 
The toe of his boot barely nudges the edge of your circle, and a spark crackles in the dark from the impact. The light dances in his eyes longer than it remains in the air, like they caught the spark and ignited.Ā 
ā€œTrust me,ā€ he says, drawing you in with the low register of his voice. ā€œI can give you more than power. I can give you protection. I can give you real happiness. Karmaā€™s a fucking bitch, so I can be, too. This is just such a little thing in return. And who knowsā€¦ you may even like it.ā€
You shiver at that, even though his presence feels hot, like his stream of lava is surrounding you, crowding you in, boiling you where you stand. Heā€™s rightā€“ you absolutely might like it.Ā 
Because thereā€™s just something magnetic between you, isnā€™t there? You can sense it, more than any heat and any sort of primal fear you might have instinctively at his presence. Thereā€™s a certain pull you feel toward him, emanating even through the salt barrier on the ground.Ā 
You want to wrap yourself in him. Boil you alive, burn you to a crisp, destroy youā€“ you donā€™t care.
ā€œOrā€¦ is it that you donā€™t like this body?ā€ He wonders aloud, striding backward two steps. He turns, his hand lifting his seemingly ever-burning cigarette to his lips. ā€œFiguresā€“ yā€™know, I can be anything you want me to be, babydoll.ā€
Confused, you watch as he transforms in front of you. In the length of two steps while he paces across the clearing, his face and body stretches and contorts, until youā€™re not staring at the same visage anymore. He stops, and he turns to you with his palms up, like heā€™s waiting for your approval.Ā 
Youā€™re looking at Tom fucking Cruise.Ā 
ā€œOh, no, absolutely not,ā€ you shake your head vehemently, scowling. You wave your hands demandingly, ā€œPut it back. You were so hot beforeā€“ please, please go back to the way you were.ā€
The demon grins and turns his head, throwing the cigarette away. His hair grows back to its previous length, his face morphing as if made of clay until you meet the same pretty smile youā€™ve come to enjoy looking at.Ā 
He chuckles, grabbing a lock of his hair and drawing it across his lips. ā€œYou think Iā€™m hot?ā€
ā€œOf course,ā€ you murmur, but you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he can hear it. His eyes are embers, blazing at you from beneath his bangs. ā€œIs that what you normally look like? Is that your true form?ā€
He makes an iffy sound. ā€œItā€™s what I looked like when I was human. My true form has more horns and unhinged jaws and claws and all that. You wouldnā€™t like it.ā€
ā€œI thought you said you could read my mind. Do you know how much monster porn Iā€™ve consumed? Thatā€™s hot as shit to me,ā€ you argue, and he snaps his head towards you in surprise. You point at yourself. ā€œFreak and misfit.ā€
He laughs, and it sounds like the roaring of an out of control fire, burning up everything in its path. He kicks his heel on the ground and steps up to your circle again. ā€œI like you, baby. I really do. What do you say?ā€
ā€œHow do I know that I can trust you?ā€ you ask, an annoying lump forming in your throat with the question. Youā€™ve been burned before by people far less powerful than this demon, yet who still hold so much power over you. However much they have.
ā€œYou canā€™t,ā€ he answers, more honestly than most would. He tilts his head with a crooked smile. ā€œNot to get all preachy on you, but even if I wasnā€™t a demonā€¦ trust is built, not a given. ā€˜The devil you know,ā€™ right? Better than the one that you donā€™t.ā€
ā€œYeah,ā€ you agree, your voice coming out breathy and winded the longer you gaze up into his eyes.
ā€œTrust me to beā€¦ intense, I guess,ā€ he shrugs. ā€œAnd probably impulsive. But Iā€™ll always deliver on our deal. Be my witch, my wife, my whoreā€“ whatever you want to call it, but be mine. I think weā€™ll have so much fun together.ā€
ā€œYeah, I thinkā€“ I think I will.ā€ Youā€™re nodding, and his smile grows with yours. ā€œI want to.ā€
ā€œLet me in, sweetheart.ā€
Your toe scuffs the boundary on the ground, breaking the circle. Immediately, your senses are assaulted by smoke, not just the tobacco heā€™s been smoking but the scent of a wildfire, of cities burned to ashes, of desolation and destruction and pyroclastic flow and roaring, exploding volcanoes.Ā 
Your demon crosses the line youā€™d drawn on the ground with ease, producing the worn composition book in his hand again. The cover reads Hellfire Club in chicken scratch handwriting.Ā 
ā€œAre there others?ā€ You ask, prompted by the word Club on the front as he flips open the book to a middle page. An agreement is already written out in red ink. ā€œDo you have more than one, umā€¦ā€
ā€œConsort?ā€ He whispers in your ear. Goosebumps rise on your skin, and your stomach flutters. ā€œNot for a long time. Iā€™m very picky about my partners. They have to be just as much of a freak as I am.ā€
Your heart thumps loudly in your chest, although the admission makes you feelā€¦ better, in a way. You squint in the dark, but with the exception of the candles around your circle, thereā€™s nothing to allow you to properly read whatā€™s written on the page.Ā 
He sighs, shifting on his feet beside you. ā€œAre you one of those people whoā€™ll read the whole contract?ā€
ā€œAbsolutely I am,ā€ you hum. The book feels heavier in your hands than it should. ā€œCan you give me a light?ā€
ā€œJesus Christ.ā€ He produces a flame from his forefinger just as you turn to give him a confused look.Ā 
ā€œShouldnā€™t you, likeā€¦ evaporate after saying that?ā€
In the yellow glow of the flame, he just blinks at you, looking amused. ā€œThings arenā€™t as black and white as you think they are, believe me.ā€
You snatch his wrist and yank his arm closer to the page. His body collides with yours, and he grunts in your ear as he wraps his other arm around you, embracing you from behind. Youā€™re engulfed in the scent of smoke and the heat of his flames, impossibly hot and comforting all the same.Ā 
His hair brushes your shoulder as you read his contract. Itā€™s just a few lines, but the weight they hold will seal your fate.Ā 
The agreement made this night of the dark moon shall henceforth be enacted from the signing of this document, that hereby renders the human partyā€™s soul bound to the infernal party. Witness that the first party must appear before the second party each full moon to lay in matrimonial fashion, and that in return the first party shall be protected and given the powers of the second from here until the humanā€™s mortal passing.Ā 
ā€œAww, thatā€™s sweet,ā€ you coo, tracing the red ink with your fingers.Ā 
The demon over your shoulder rolls his eyes. ā€œItā€™s a fucking pre-nup.ā€
ā€œDoesnā€™t seem like a fair trade, though, does it?ā€ You murmur. ā€œI mean, I get the power to change my circumstances and you getā€“ whatā€“ sex once a month?ā€
His hand tightens on your waist, and you pause. You turn your head to look at him, and his eyes flicker dangerously, so close to yours. They arenā€™t just glowing coals- this close, you can see the small details. You can see the swirling, the churning of lava within them.
ā€œItā€™s not just sex, is it?ā€
ā€œWhat do you think making a deal with a demon entails, sweetheart? Read the fine print.ā€
You look back at the page. There are no other words on it, save for the ones youā€™ve already read. ā€œI donā€™tā€¦?ā€
ā€œItā€™s your soul, honey,ā€ he mutters, pointing at the word. His mouth is muffled against your shoulder as he peers over it. ā€œI wonā€™t ask anything of you other than the sex, as long as you live. But right now, youā€™re offering up your soul. And once your life is up, you get to be just like me. Understand?ā€
ā€œIā€¦ yeah. I understand.ā€ You let go of his wrist, but pause over the pages of the book. ā€œI donā€™t have anything to sign with.ā€
Wordlessly, the demon takes your hand. You let him caress your wrist, feeling your pulse with his thumb. Then, before you realize whatā€™s happening, a sharp sting makes you yelp as he cuts your skin with his pointed thumbnail.Ā 
He shushes you, letting the blood well up on your skin. ā€œI did say you needed to sign with blood.ā€
Your voice shakes when you hold your dripping wrist over the page. ā€œI thought you said you were joking.ā€
ā€œNot about the book. Rules of the trade, I canā€™t change it.ā€ Your blood splatters the notebook, dripping into the crease of the page. Once heā€™s satisfied, he lifts your wrist to his mouth and closes his lips around the small wound. It heals in a heartbeat.Ā 
ā€œIs that it, then?ā€ You ask, mesmerized by the sight and feeling of his mouth on your skin. ā€œDonā€™t you have to sign?ā€
Your demon kisses your wrist gently, his lips soft, inviting. ā€œThis is going to hurt,ā€ he warns, and you nod. The heat of his breath makes your skin tingle, all your nerves on high alert.Ā 
But then that tingling turns into a burn, that turns into a searing pain. You feel like your skin is on fire, an invisible hot brand held against your wrist. You cry out as he holds you close, letting you bury your face into his neck, holding you up as your knees threaten to buckle.Ā 
ā€œSuch a good girl,ā€ he murmurs to you as you whimper. He holds your arm as the pain fades into a throbbing ache, cradles your hand against his cheek as he coos into your hair. ā€œYouā€™re so strong. Not many people can handle my mark, you know. Fate works in funny ways.ā€
Your demon holds you until you can stand on your own, until your breathing evens out and you can compose yourself. He shushes you quietly, rocking you from side-to-side with a soothing hand stroking your head. Then he holds your face, and kisses your tear stained cheeks. The touch of his lips stokes at flames beneath your skin.
ā€œIā€™ll look forward to our time together, little witch,ā€ he whispers. And with a quick, chaste kiss to your lips, he disappears entirely.Ā 
You stay in the circle for a while, clutching your throbbing wrist and crying frustrated tears. You wonder if you made the right decision, and yet, you donā€™t understand why you just want him to come back. You miss the comfort of his presence, even if you donā€™t know enough about him to justify it. All he did was hurt your arm and take your blood and kiss away your tears and make you a witch.Ā 
Itā€™s too late to go back on your decision now. Thereā€™s an all-encompassing fire you can feel burning in your veins, emitting from the pulsating wound on your wrist. His power. His fire.Ā 
You pull your hand away from your wrist to finally inspect the mark that he branded you with, declaring you his in the same chicken scratch that had been on the cover of his book. Itā€™s small enough that a well placed bracelet would cover it, but you donā€™t know that youā€™ll want to.
Eddie.
Your demonā€™s name is Eddie.
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denial-permanente Ā· 13 days ago
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Hey how are you? Big fan of your page and content. At the beginning of this year I confessed to my girlfriend of 6 years that I have a chastity fetish and I wanted her to lock my member up while we had our ā€œfun timeā€. Surprisingly she was very open to the idea and we soon incorporated a chastity cage into our sex life. It has been amazing. It has opened a new side to me that I never knew existed. It took a bit of getting used to for the both of us but over time we have come to adore it. A majority of the time we have sex now my girlfriend instructs me to put my cage on before we begin.
A couple of weeks ago I brought up the idea of wearing the chastity cage for a longer period of time rather than only during our fun time. She interested with the idea but she believed it impossible.
For a little bit of context, we live together but due to work Iā€™m only home from Friday nights when I get off of work till Monday mornings when I have to leave for work again.
Knowing this my girlfriend had quite a handful of concerns.
1. Her absolute biggest concern was she believed there was no way I could properly clean myself down there while locked in a cage. She says that wearing the cage for longer than a few hours at a time would be extremely de-hygienic and nasty.
2. Her next biggest concern is that since we only really see each other 2 days a week she thinks that thereā€™s too much time between us seeing each other. ā€œwhat if you NEED to get the cage off on a Monday, like an incident happens at work but weā€™re nowhere near each other and you have to wait all the way till Friday when you see me again?ā€
Because of this concern I tried to negotiate with what if I wore it during the weekends when Iā€™m home. But then she rebuttals with ā€œyou basically already do so what difference would it make?ā€
3. A smaller concern for her is she is uncertain of the risks that come with wearing a chastity cage for long periods of time. An example she said was ā€œwhat if you wore the cage for too long and your dick started to shrink?ā€ I tried to tell her that that was just a myth but she seemed pretty adamant.
I guess my question is do you have any advice on what to do in this type of situation? Any words of wisdom that I could tell her in order to ease her mind about this? She says she would love to at least give it a try but sheā€™s far too concerned about all the things that could go wrong. She says she thinks wearing a chastity cage for longer periods of time is just too unrealistic and isnā€™t possible.
Itā€™s something that Iā€™d love to do so should I try to talk to her about it again or just give up on the idea?
Believe it or not, I am probably like your girlfriend in that I worry about the practical aspects. For a very long time I would worry about what if my husband had an accident, or what if he had to remove it and didn't have the key. Even now, 25 years later I still sometimes worry if I know he's doing something dangerous like working on the roof or hiking in the woods or something. All I can say is that those concerns eventually get less and less concerning as time goes on and wearing a cage becomes second nature to the both of you.
I will let @that-tom-allen answer the part about hygiene and shrinkage, but in all these years that has never been a problem. I'm sure he can explain it better. I can tell you that I don't ever remember him having any issues.
A lot of men seem to want to rush into being lockedn24/7. Your girlfriend is being cautious and concerned. If she has a Tumblr account please have her message me for questions or even just moral support.
šŸ” Tom here. First, as @mrs--edge wrote, if possible have your gf drop by to ask her soenof these questions directly. You can create an account for her, she doesn't need to be posting anything. Actually, considering some of the chastity related material on Tumblr, maybe you don't want her looking at too much. šŸ˜
I don't know what kind of cage you have. My routine is to shower at night, and let things air dry. Then in the morning I put a dab of Gold Bond cream inside and swab it around with a Q tip. The cream is water soluble and will pick up body oil, sweat, stray urine, etc., and will wash out easily in a hot shower.
It also helps to have a tiny brush to swab around some soapy water inside the cage during your shower. I almost never need to unlock my cage to clean.
Now, about the shrinkage. I have a post on here about that. Check the FAQ for more detail, but here's the quickie: shrinkage is a myth, usually written about by guys who have SPH fetishes. The penis is not a muscle, and does not atrophy like muscle. It is mainly a meat hydraulic tube of connective tissue and blood vessels. Shrinkage is mainly a factor of the hydraulic balloons not having a chance to stretch out. Removing the cage and getting a few days of, err, healthy exercise should be sufficient to bring things back to size.
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blommp717 Ā· 1 month ago
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i guess you donā€™t answer anymore but iā€™m hoping you at least read this because itā€™s genuine and i feel like i have nowhere else to post this. i just want someone to hear me. ignore this if itā€™s too long. i want to thank you for your posts. they are the only writings that have truly resonated with me ever since i discovered the law, neville, states, being, whatever we call this thing. but iā€™ll be honest iā€™m giving up today. i discovered the ā€˜law of attractionā€™ in 2019 when i was 18 years old. it is now getting to the last quarter of 2024 and i am 23 where iā€™ve evolved in understanding to where i found ā€˜nondualismā€™. i went from law of attraction -> law of assumption & neville goddard -> robotic affirming -> mindset fixing & joe dispensa -> states & edward art -> nondualism. howeverā€¦ i have never manifested a single thing in my life. i used to be filled with anxiety when i said this. fearing these words would cause it to keep going on but i donā€™t even want to fear anymore. itā€™s just the truth. your posts taught me that i donā€™t have to fear my words anymore anyways. iā€™ve had a dream for a long time. i donā€™t believe i will ever reach this dream anymore. along with that dream i also just really wanted good for my family and i. you know the basics like financial freedom, happiness, mended relationships. but throughout everything iā€™ve learned i could never make it work and iā€™m just done. i guess i will return to living a normal life and just hoping i make it. i hope i find happiness or just.. anything. iā€™m just letting go of it all because i feel like things shouldnā€™t be this hard. even going to calebā€™s channel and watching his recent ā€˜your manifestation isnā€™t taking long, you areā€™ videoā€¦. iā€™m justā€¦ exhausted. i just dont know how to do this and i donā€™t think i can take life anymore anyways. but yeah i just wanted to say thank you. even though i could never find success, you taught me who I Am. and iā€™ll forever be grateful for your wisdom even though youā€™re a bit younger than me. i hope you find continued success and live a happy life. sincerely
THIS IS JUST THE FIRST PART TO THE HUGE POST, PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME
After what felt like months away from tumblr I really dove into self-inquiry fully, and of course still am, and I promised you guys a mega post so hereā€™s the initial information so far. There is more to come.
IM SORRY IF THERE ARE ERRORS IN GRAMMAR OR SMTH I WROTE THIS AT MANY DIFFERENT MOMENTS THROUGHOUT THE DAY!! FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS, ETC BUT PLS DONT ASK BY RESPONDING TO THIS POST, ITLL CAUSE SO MUCH SPAM ON THE FEED AND MY ASKS PAGE
Hello! Yes I have started looking back into my inbox (THERE ALLOT OF ASKS šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ«¶) but I absolutely plan on answering as many as possible, and because your post resonated with how I used to feel, I want to answer yours first.
So to begin with, It makes me so happy to know that what Iā€™ve written has some kind of affect (that being positive). I canā€™t remember if I told you guys how old I was but I must have cus you seem to know šŸ˜­šŸ˜­, yes Iā€™m 19 weā€™re very close in age, this moment in life is when allot of us who figure out this stuff lean into it more because we realize how much of a leg up we have if we just ā€œapplyā€ the teachings this early on.
So first what I want to say to you is, no, your not giving up on a dream and neither are you going to live a normal life, Iā€™ll make sure of that, this beautiful world that we step into gives us so much insight on what we inherently are. But I need to remind you and everyone else, this is not some big secret that has to be practiced, itā€™s a look at what we are and always will be. You have purpose and you deserve to be happy and enjoy a life thatā€™s easy and fulfilling. I apologize in advance because this is going to be a pretty long post!! šŸ«¶šŸ«¶
Letā€™s get rid of the labels and titles weā€™ve given these understandings as if they are for someone to learn and master. No one masters manifestation, no one will ever master manifestation and I truly donā€™t care for how many ā€œsuccess storiesā€ they have, it doesnā€™t hold proving value of what they are (notice how I didnā€™t say who), we are not whoā€™s, but thatā€™s for later in the post.
The reason Iā€™ve stepped away from the concept of manifesting is because it is inherently lack and separation based. No matter the teaching, they all seem to glorify the idea of getting and achieving which puts great pressure on success stories and all that rubbish. (Not me turning British) šŸ˜šŸ˜, okay sorry, so yeah this also goes for nondualism, I donā€™t associate a title with what I learn, itā€™s not NonDualism itā€™s actually just self discovery in disguise of a teaching. But for this exact reason I donā€™t think to myself ā€œI need to learn NonDualism betterā€, nononooooo I made this mistake wayyy to much due to the sole fact that I came in with the expectation that this would now teach me the secrets of manifesting. This is kind of the set up to more desire and lack, which is actually the opposite of the self-realization ā€œjourneyā€.
So, when you say you have never manifested anything in your life, I say this with incredible pleasure, that this is impossible, I know I know, before you start thinking to yourself that youve heard this before but I donā€™t think people go that in depth as to what that even means. So, your life and your problems, are not actually problems.
Self-realization is not the journey for the person to become consciousness, but to understand that you ARE consciousness to begin with. You does no reference a someone, but ā€œ ā€œ.
This is going to be, quite a post so PLEASE hang in there. And I just want to add in, this is still not a seperate being trying to understand that itā€™s connected to conciousness, no, you as conciousness, infinite knowing, are so involved with the content that you appear as, youā€™ve tricked yourself into thinking that you are just 1 thing of the content. Let me use my first example.
We have given ourselves the greatest interpretation and key to knowing ourself, and thatā€™s dreaming.
Every night, we sleep, HOORRAAYYYY, now letā€™s get into the details because this is where the magic happens and it clicks.
Take the moment before a dream appears, recognize that when the eyes are closed thereā€™s this presence. Not the darkness, the presence. Something, but not a thing.
Stay here and forget the rest of the world exists for a moment. Now there is only this presence, itā€™s knowing, itā€™s being right? Now thereā€™s no actual material but regardless, it is, something. This isnā€™t something out of this world itā€™s literally, you. From this, knowing or no-thingness, comes expressions, absolutely infinite potential, this is registered as a dream, but, before the dream in any way can be experienced, there always has to be some type of interpreter/lens, this comes in the form a person or better yet, senses. Of course, thereā€™s nothing to the senses or the person but whatever itā€™s formulated from, which was that presence/knowing. The activity of this infinite potential that is the knowing, (you asleep) appears, only with the help of a pov/sight.
Nonetheless, it plays out, it plays stories of absolutely anything, for no reason at all, and as it does, we get lost to it, it starts to become real, and without even realizing it, itā€™s no longer a dream but something weā€™re experiencing, now you are the character in the dream and you naturally play out the dialogue and storyline and explore the fields, magic towers, and laugh and dance and make friends, and then you wake up.
When you wake up, you recognize ā€œoh, nothing was actually happeningā€, now of course, when your the person in the dream it is very real, but even then, is it? Knowing what you know, there wasnā€™t actually a place with dialogue, no character of its own experience or life, no actual forests or fields and magic, no one actually laughing and dancing or friends, but simply the appearance of that. The illusion.
And itā€™s not that itā€™s only a formulation of you when you realize it is, but it always is, the dream doesnā€™t only become an illusion or ā€œfakeā€ when you wake up, itā€™s naturally just fake, REGARDLESS of how it seems to be. And regardless we sleep every night knowing that weā€™ll forget itā€™s a dream.
So I think you can see where Iā€™m headed with this, Iā€™m going to use the example Rupert Spira uses but twist it a bit.
You go to sleep in Australia and dream yourself in the streets of Paris, and you take on the identity of John, you donā€™t actually become John and experience the streets of Paris.
Now, John drinks coffee and he feels the sunlight warm his skin, sees the greenery, feels the wind, all of it. But despite the way it all seems the sunlight, the sensations that John has, is not actually real, and neither is John. John isnā€™t actually feeling anything, he doesnā€™t exist and there is no Paris being traveled. And itā€™s not John that realizes/awakens to the understanding that heā€™s fake and this is all a dream, itā€™s you, asleep in Australia that realizes it as you modulate/formulate as the streets of Paris, the coffee, and the greenery, and John, understand?
The activity of that presence, if you recall when we talked about closing your eyes, formulated as something that seemed so real, and that doesnā€™t give any reality to the dream itself, because there is no separating the knowing from the content known. Without the ā€œspaceā€ for it to appear or form from, how on earth would there be the content? A bigger step forward is to realize that there isnā€™t even an actual dream occurring but itā€™s all the self knowing presence of, well, knowing. I want to add something very important before moving on.
Knowing does not happen for the purpose of pleasure, we naturally deconstruct false ideas like this as we go, but something you MUST understand about the nature of existence is, none of this is appearing for the purpose of ant experience, there isnā€™t actually an experience. No one is enjoying nor hating the illusion, it is simply an appearance.
In the same way that the aware/presence before the dream appears from it simply is, in this way, we are. Itā€™s like saying the TV screen plays a movie and experiences it, or does it for the purpose of experience, no thatā€™s silly, knowing has no inherent motive, it is, you (infinite knowing) donā€™t ā€œhappenā€ for a purpose, never mind happen at all, you are, and in this do you take form of something, your self aware nature of course knows the content of your own being, but that doesnā€™t mean the illusion can enjoy itself, or that you enjoy or experience the illusion, itā€™s just a plain appearance, and thatā€™s it.
For example, when you close your eyes on this next demonstration, truly try to grasp the essence of what Iā€™m trying to explain.
Bring from the nothingness/knowing when you close your eyes, a blue vase, know it in every aspect you can, incorporate every sense you can (even taste if your a little freaky šŸ«¦šŸ«¦šŸ˜­) and make it as present as possible. After you open your eyes I have a question for you. (Iā€™m serious, do the damn practice itā€™ll help you) please take as much time you need to truly get in there (not too long I canā€™t wait all day)
okay hey, your back, now answer me this, from what did this immersive appearance take reality from? You and I know that thereā€™s no actual vase despite its presence, no matter the vibrant or dull colors, no matter the feel, rough or glossy, its taste šŸ«¦šŸ˜­, its feel, etc. So what was the substance that formulated this? If you guessed knowing, your soooooo correct, if you didnā€™t itā€™s okay you get brownie points šŸ«¶. But yes, now I need you to understand this verrrry clearly, the vase was not real!!!! Yet it appeared that way! This is AN ILLUSION SURPIRISISIEIEIEIEIEIEISISBWHH- yes. No matter how much you want to convince yourself and go back to the vase and its appearance and its feel or colors or any aspect of it, it wasnā€™t ACTUALLY happening and that means it didnā€™t take place for anyone or anywhere!!! All there was present was knowing, from knowing forms vase and every seemingly alternate way that it is known, feeling is a form of knowing, literally every sense is just a form of knowing. Every sense that was ā€œusedā€ to understand the vase was all just aspects and appearances of knowing, the color, the sounds, the taste, the feels, they didnā€™t formulate anywhere else, but nonetheless appeared as immersive and real because YOU BECAME FOCUSED ON THE CONTENT OF THE APPEARANCE RATHER THAN RECOGNIZE THAT IT WAS JUST APPEARANCE. And even though the content of the appearance you formed as became the focus, it still didnā€™t change the objective fact that there wasnā€™t someone actually there and experiencing it in any way.
The knowing in/on which appearances formulate is not something different than the appearance, there is nothing to the illusion but its reality, and its reality is knowing. In this way, the illusion couldnā€™t even be described as something real or taking place, as if it could exist apart from the source of it.
Knowing this is also knowing there is no such thing as the knowing OF, we never know of things or of experiences as if they are something seperate and exist seperatley from knowing itself, thatā€™s literally impossible. Moving forward
You are not the person/character, and itā€™s not that you are a limited being and you have to wake up to the idea that you are infinite knowing, you have to realize that you were never something seperate, and that this is simply the modulation of your being, and itā€™s not a someone itā€™s more of a something.
Letā€™s starts stabilizing this.
To all of the experiences across centuries, theres one constant amongst the billions of people whoā€™ve lived and are now and that is, I Am. We might not know for certain about anything else ever in this entire universe, and we might not even know who or what we are but for a fact we can say, yes, I am.
Thereā€™s no true word that can describe the infinite essence of being, so we use knowing or conciousness or god, all completely the same.
So, to every experience, without an ounce of doubt, there can be the claim, I am. This is knowing, and only from knowing comes the statement, because we must know we are in order to claim that we are. I think something that can capture this is a newborn, imagine yourself to be newly born, mere seconds I mean, eyes closed. You have no understand of anything, no thoughts, no memories, no identity, your pure experience is simply being/knowing, and I donā€™t mean the action of knowing, thatā€™s not a real thing. Knowing is inherent, you donā€™t force it.
Going back to experiences. Any experience that is recognized, any seeing, and hearing, tasting touching, and of course feeling, is assumed to be the experience of the body and this is therefore falsely established as ā€œmeā€, in doing so, we forget our true nature of freedom and limit our understanding and abilities to the limitations of the body.
Iā€™m now going to help you realize the body is an interpreter, and not of a world thatā€™s happening somewhere in time and space, but that the world is the interpretation/modulation/illusion/dream/appearance of our shared infinite being, AFTER being recognized through the interpretations, (sensations and perceptions). This also means that itā€™s in no way an actual measurement to what you fully are.
What experience is there to seeing? Better yet let me narrow it down, there is nothing to seeing as if there is someone doing the seeing. Seeing simply is. Thereā€™s no one to do it, just what is. There is sight, how is there an acknowledgment of the sight/seeing? There must be something to it that gives the understanding ā€œoh Iā€™m seeing thisā€. (Hint, itā€™s the same thing that let you know, that ā€œI Amā€). Knowing, yes, not knowing as an action, thatā€™s not real, people donā€™t know, knowing is the essence of what we are (we are not people). But just wait for that. So all there is to sight is knowing, and I donā€™t think I have to do this but you can say the same about absolutely every other sense, because every single ā€œexperienceā€ absolutely requires knowing. Without knowing, ā€œexperienceā€ never is, I think we can all acknowledge that.
There is no such thing as the experience of being a human, Why are we deciding that this is whatā€™s itā€™s like to be humans, we know humans we acknowledge humans but there is no such thing as being a human, in the same way that thereā€™s no true way that there is something to being a fox or a bird or a rock, itā€™s only with labels are these ideas decided.
The only thing youā€™ll be able to muster up is memories, emotions, etc, but that doesnā€™t make it the inherent experience of being a human. Our first and only experience of what we are is knowing, and then knowing that we are, thatā€™s it. In the same way that a babies first experience is not ā€œI am a babyā€ or ā€œI am a humanā€, rather itā€™s just knowing. If being human was our nature, thatā€™s all weā€™d recognize, and from the very beginning. Our experience does not actually change from being/knowing, we simply forget that there is the knowing, and decide to focus on the body to be ā€œmeā€ or ā€œhumanā€.
You donā€™t need senses to know you are. Knowing is something unimaginable. Go ahead and try to find it by closing your eyes or even with them open. Can you grab or touch the knowing. Can you recognize its dimensions or what its appearance is? How old or young is it?
Do me a favor and find the edge where knowing starts and stops.
Let me know when you find it because you never will.
Even when you try, itā€™s only conciousness itself that searches for its own parameters.
By recognizing that your truly not the body, or this person you as knowing have pretended to become, the made up problems of the person disappear, well actually, you realize that there is no person that has problems, only an idea. Only the idea that I am someone and something is happening to me, I am something seperate and need saving. There isnā€™t actually a seperate self, the seperate self is the activity that you as knowing are, when you become involved with the content and forget your true nature. And whatā€™s truly the main takeaway from this is that, even when it seems like youā€™ve lost it and now you have to restart and understand it all over again, you as knowing havenā€™t gone anywhere, your the one pretending to be something lost, and not on purpose, but because you involve yourself too heavily in the appearances without recognizing where they originate from.
From what we know so far, I hope in some way youā€™re able to recognize that there is no one doing manifestations and having success stories. You ARE the manifestation and it will NEVER be any other way, whether we recognize it or not, thatā€™s the beauty. So no matter if we go on about this appearance of life and say we donā€™t get it and move on, you as conciousness will continue to play the roles, because there is no off switch to this.
Iā€™m hope this has been able to start untying the blinds over your ā€œeyesā€ and youā€™re starting to somewhat understand the truth of what you/we are. This is only the beginning and itā€™s only going to get more incredible and beautiful from here. But for now Iā€™m shleeepy hehehe, Iā€™ll talk to you soon, never ever give up on your dreams!!!! šŸ«¶ā¤ļøā¤ļø
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unknownperson246 Ā· 1 month ago
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*this was based off a request but I accidentally deleted the old copy of this fic from tumblr so I am reuploading it*
Confused:
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words: 615
warnings: *fluff*
āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* *:ļ½„ļ¾Ÿāœ§āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* *:ļ½„ļ¾Ÿāœ§āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* *:ļ½„ļ¾Ÿāœ§āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* *:ļ½„ļ¾Ÿāœ§āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:*
You had just gotten your wisdom teeth removed. Axl your boyfriend had driven you back home after you were all loopy from surgery. You were oddly quiet for someone who just got their wisdom teeth removed with anesthesia involved in the procedure. Axl was worried the entire time. You were dazed and confused. You were so out of it. Suddenly a fear you never told Axl about came to your head. You waited until you got home trying so hard not to say it out loud fearing that it would make Axl crash his car. Even when you felt like you were in another world you still were very cautious and rational about things. You loved Axl like crazy. You would do anything for him. He knew instantly he would do anything for you. Your fear was an ass and it kept haunting you ever since you were with Axl. You were always so worried that he was going to cheat on you or that he already had. The anesthesia wasnā€™t helping your paranoia. You and Axl finally got home after the tense drive. Axl was worried that you were quiet and not saying anything goofy because generally, anyone with anesthesia is loud and very verbal.Ā 
ā€œBabe you okay?ā€ They were Axl's first word since after your wisdom teeth surgery.Ā 
ā€œMhm.ā€ your answer was short.
ā€œIā€™m scared you're cheating on me,ā€ you said to Axl with your lips starting to quiver.
ā€œWhat? Finally, the anesthesia hit you!ā€ Axl giggled.
He noticed your lips quivering and he realized that it wasnā€™t a joke anymore.Ā 
ā€œYouā€™re serious?ā€ He asked you not knowing how much this question affected you.
He was starting to wonder how often you thought he was cheating on you. He was mad but he knew it wasnā€™t your fault. Despite his anger, he wrapped his arms around you to comfort you in your confusing and scary haze. You wanted to hug him forever. You never wanted to let go of him. You wanted to know that Axl was yours forever. He broke the hug and saw the tears in your eyes. He wiped them gently.Ā Ā 
ā€œPlease donā€™t break up with meā€ You begged Axl with a pleading tone.
ā€œShh, Iā€™m not going to break up with you. Honey the anesthesia is just making you think scary and funny thoughts. I promise that Iā€™m not cheating on you or that Iā€™m not going to break up with youā€ Axl whispered knowing how much of a headache you're probably in.Ā 
Axl held your hips and he carried you into the bedroom over his shoulder because every time you moved you fell over.
ā€œHere, lay down in bed,ā€ Axl said before he moved the blankets out of the way for you.Ā 
You took his hand as he helped you lay down. He got in the space beside you and he calmed you down. You felt a lot better from Axl reassuring you. You were glad his temper didnā€™t spike up.Ā 
ā€œAxl my mouth hurts,ā€ You said grabbing them and rubbing your cheeks.
Axl grabbed your hand off of your face.
ā€œHoney, don't do that. That will make the pain worse and it wonā€™t heal quickly.ā€ Axl had gotten you some salt water to help with the pain.Ā 
ā€œRinse your mouth with this later. Once you're less loopy. I will help youā€ He said, giving your cheek a quick peck.Ā 
ā€œLetā€™s go to sleep now,ā€ You said, sounding a bit more like your usual self now.
ā€œSure,ā€ Axl said as he laid down and draped the blanket over you and himself making sure you were all warm and cozy.Ā 
You and Axl fell asleep until the next morning.Ā 
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emilykaldwen Ā· 7 months ago
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The Maiden and the Drowning Boy | Aegon x OC | Chapter One
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Rating: Explicit Ships: Aegon II Targaryen x Abrogail Strong (Lyonel Strong's Daughter), Jacaerys Velaryon x Helaena Targaryen Summary: As the kingdom teeters on the edge of chaos, Alicent Hightower swaps the pieces on the board: Aegon will marry Abrogail Strong, Larysā€™ younger sister and heir to Harrenhal. Caught in the web of intrigue and political machinations, the pair must figure out where their loyalties lie, and what they mean to one another.
Tropes: Childhood Sweethearts/Friends to Lovers, Generational Trauma and Cycles of Abuse, It's All About the Character Development, Unreliable Narrators, Multi-POV, Canon Divergent, Bisexual Aegon II Targaryen, Book/Show Mash Up, Fix-It Of Sorts, Stopping the Cycle of Abuse before it gets us all killed, Team Neutral, fairy tale vibes meets victorian medievalism meets grrm
no tag list. please follow @emkald-fic and turn on post notifications for updates or subscribe on AO3
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Author's Note: After a lot of encouragement, I will be posting chapters in their entirety here and on AO3. Many many huge thanks to @acrossthesestars for being my co-pilot, and for holding my hand through writing this story. Thank you to everyone who has reblogged and commented. Your words mean the world to me.
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CHAPTER ONE - THE WEIGHT THAT BROUGHT US HERE
Alicent watched the lords of the council settle into their seats, placing their markers in the proper place. Lord Tyland Lannister took his seat at the opposite end of the magnificent table, Lord Lyman Beesbury to his right. Maester Mellos and then Lord Larys at her own left hand. Jasper Wylde sat beside her fatherā€™s usual place at the right hand. The power of the realm all concentrated right in this room. They prayed to the Crone for guidance and wisdom at the beginning of every meeting, a practice that had thankfully not reached the ears of the king, as heā€™d been cloistered in his rooms since his illness had taken more of his body. It was one thing to allow her Faith to grace their dinner table. It was a whole other to have the Faith find its place at the Small Council. While his signature still graced the decrees, and his decisions still paramount for he was the King, Viserys had left the dealings of the realm to them. It was for the best - Viserysā€™ mind was giving way to his illness and the less seen, the better. Alicent didnā€™t know what she preferred: her husband demeaning her and neglecting her children, or him calling her Aemma when she came to care for him at night.
She grazed her fingers over the polished black marble ball in front of her as Maester Mellos began rattling off the never ending fighting between the Brackens and Blackwoods that not even the Father bearing down from the heavens himself could stop. They continued to tear themselves apart as if they would win all the gold in Casterly Rock for the longest, most ridiculous spat that the Tullys were no longer capable of handling. Sometimes she wished she could just drag charcoal lines along the map, piece off the floodplains to the north and the west and the mountains, let the other kingdoms take their pieces.
ā€œBegs the question if perhaps it isnā€™t time to elect a new Lord Paramount to bring them to heel,ā€ Lord Wylde harrumphed in his self-important way. The man was well and agreeable enough, Alicent thought, but every time he spoke, she missed Lyonel Strong. None of his proposals contained this ā€˜begging the questionā€™ sort of nonsense, and none of Wyldeā€™s attempts had any of the late Lord Strongā€™s well thought out solutions and easy friendliness.
ā€œUnless grievous injustice is done, we cannot normally strip the title of Lord Paramount, but their inability to bring either house to heel since given the title is threatening the stability of the realm. Blackwoods own more land than the Tullys, and now we have reports theyā€™ve gone undermining one anotherā€™s orchards, and putting others at risk.ā€ Jasper turned his gaze to Larys, who had not spoken since the prayer. ā€œStrong, your holding is Harrenhal. What do you have to say about this matter?ā€
Larysā€™ manner did not fool Alicent, but it worked wonders, as always, on Jasper. ā€œThis quarrel of theirs has lasted as long as the dynasty and longer still. King Jaehaerys brokered peace, and we cannot ascertain what sparked it again.ā€ From the nervous licking of his lips to the fidgeting of his hands, he was a master at seeming far less dangerous than he truly was. ā€œYou might seek instead the opinion of my dearest uncle Simon. He is the castellan and knows both it and the Riverlands far better than I do, as Iā€™ve been here during most of this recent infighting. ā€
Wylde humphed, twitching his nose in such a way that his bushy mustache reminded Alicent of a walrus sheā€™d seen at Driftmark. She dug her nails into her palm to hold back her laugh. ā€œShould we offer the Tullys more incentive?ā€ Wylde blustered, reaching for a solution that he could take credit for.
ā€œIncentive for not letting their bannerman destroy harvests?ā€ Tyland Lannister snorted, reclined in his chair as if he were the one running the meeting. ā€œThatā€™s their duty. If they canā€™t do it, then thereā€™s a bigger issue to deal with.ā€
ā€œPerhaps a betrothal,ā€ Lord Beesbury spoke up, his eyes darting from Larysā€™ to hers. Alicent straightened, watching the man try to figure out how to present his own suggestion. ā€œThe Tullys are proud, and the Riverlands command a great host when they come together. Lord Tullyā€™s great-grandson is around Princess Helaenaā€™s age. It would be a show of friendship and goodwill.ā€
ā€œA show of a dragon is what you mean, isnā€™t it?ā€ Her fatherā€™s voice cut in smoothly, but she could see the annoyance in his eyes at the prospect of Helaena being sent to the Riverlands. She did not want her sweet girl sent so far away either, but his words hurt in their easy protectiveness of her daughter, when they had never done for herself.
ā€œDragons are a statement, my Lord Hand. If not the princess, perhapsā€¦ Lord Strong, your youngest sister is not yet married,ā€ Beesbury continued, flush with ideas. Was Rhaenyra feeding them to him?
ā€œIf Grover Tully, or whomever is handling their seat, cannot bring them to heel, we should have the Lords Bracken and Blackwood come and explain themselves to the crown,ā€ she cut in before Beesbury could really get his momentum going. Heads turned to look at her, and Alicent looked to the Grand Maester. ā€œSend ravens today. By the moonā€™s turn, I want them before the Iron Throne explaining themselves.ā€ There was a curl of satisfaction on her lips as the aging Mellos gestured to his assistant. ā€œWe should also have Lord Tully, or his son, also come to answer. I know Lord Grover has been recently ill,ā€ she continued. Authority and compassion were the balance she must always strike, so that her decisions could not be questioned, her judgment nothing but sound. She was the Mother of the Realm after all.
ā€œWell said, your Grace,ā€ Larys said softly, that shadow blink of a smile on his face. Lord Beesburyā€™s suggestions were easily dismissed.
Tension knotted between her shoulder blades, and she shifted in her chair to relieve the pain. She drummed her fingers on the armrest of the chair as her fatherā€™s warning spun dizzily through her thoughts.
Either you prepare Aegon to rule, or you cleave to Rhaenyra and pray for her mercy.
That morning, Ser Criston found the boy who might be king passed out in the stables with his cock in hand; at least her father hadnā€™t found out. Alicent felt nauseated at the idea of sacrificing a girl barely younger than sheā€™d been in an attempt to corral her son into leadership.
The doors of the chamber opened. Ser Harrold Westerling entered the room with the head dragonkeeper, Arryx, following behind. Her father rose not in a show of respect for the Kingsguard Commander, but some show of power - the unyielding stone and height of the tower that would not bow to neither wind nor storm.
ā€œForgive my tardiness, your Grace, my lords.ā€
Her father waved a hand and sat back down. ā€œWe were told that you were attending to an urgent matter, Lord Commander.ā€
Ser Harrold clasped his arm across his chest and bowed to her. ā€œThis morning, I was alerted to events that transpired last night inside of the dragonpit. Keeper Arryx wanted to speak of the matter to you personally.ā€ Ser Harrold stepped back to allow the aging keeper to take the floor. Alicent gave her own nod to the man as he rose from his prostration.
ā€œDreamfyre has laid another clutch of eggs. Only three, your Grace, and she will let no one near them. Vhagar has been circling,ā€ Arryx said.
Alicent frowned. Dreamfyre had not laid a clutch in several years now, and Vhagar rarely came to the pit. She was too old, too large, with little desire to be kept with her smaller brethren. The horrific beast preferred a rocky outcropping far out into the bay.
Aemond had given her a quizzical look when sheā€™d brought it up once, when he was still bedridden and recovering from his mutilation. Her sweet boy was now strung through with a confidence that sheā€™d never seen ignite within him when he had both eyes. The dangerous glint that confidence took as heā€™d grown older was also new.
Sheā€™s protecting what is hers, mother. We both are, heā€™d said.
ā€œI have spoken with the Commander of the City Watch, your Grace, to ensure that those in the areas closest to the pit keep their distance unless absolutely necessary. It has allowed us to take stock of the current state of those neighborhoods.ā€ Ser Harrold turned to look at Ser Otto. ā€œA full report will be on your desk.ā€
Her father nodded, and Ser Harrold looked once more to the keeper.
Arryx shifted on his feet, and Alicent watched his eyes flick to the Grand Maester with an expression that she could not discern. The Citadel and the Hightowers have always stood side by side for the betterment of the realm, Alicent, and youā€™ll continue to foster that friendship, wonā€™t you?
ā€œFive of the kitlings have also died, your Grace. They were unbonded, brought from Dragonstone beforeā€¦ā€
Before Daemon had come back.
ā€œHow many dragons does this put us at?ā€ Her fatherā€™s deceptively mild tone was the opposite of his glee when Aemond had claimed Vhagar. The numbers requested were ones heā€™d calculated in his head, monthly, since heā€™d come back.
ā€œClaimed, my lord?ā€ Arryx asked, pausing momentarily. ā€œEleven, throughout the family. Lady Rhaenaā€™s dragon hatched, but it was born twisted and sickly and did not last. I have not received word otherwise of any intention for Lady Rhaena to come and try to claim another dragon.ā€
Half of the dragons were claimed. Alicent watched her father drum his fingers along the table. Identifying the pattern took only a moment. He was counting.
Specifically, the dragons that were on their side.
ā€œI want reports of the necropsies upon their completion,ā€ her father said with a narrowed and assessing look, disturbed by the news. ā€œThe last thing we need is some strange illness to rip through all of them.ā€
Alicent chewed on the inside of her lip and watched the shining outline of the seven-pointed star beaming down on the table.
ā€œSyrax is almost big enough for two riders now. Will you come touch the clouds with me, Alicent? Please?ā€ Rhaenyra had always begged, mouth close to her ear, hands stroking her arms, her wounded and bloody fingers.
The joyful look that Aegon once gave her now reserved for a beast: ā€œIā€™ve never known love until Sunfyre, mother. Itā€™s like the world has color now that weā€™re together.ā€
ā€œDreamfyre keeps me tethered to the ground even as I fly in my dreams. Sheā€™s the only anchor I have,ā€ said Helaena, who would withdraw from her touch as if it were a sting from a bee.
Little Daeron and his dragon clutched in his arms: ā€œI canā€™t leave Tessarion behind, mother! I wonā€™t know how to be happy without her!ā€
Dragons had robbed Alicent of everything.
ā€œThank you, Arryx. I will speak to the children and see what Prince Aemond might do about Vhagar.ā€ The idea of her sweet, once immaculate and tender-hearted child being near that twisted, hoary thing still terrified her, no matter how gently reassuring Aemond could be.
Arryx did not move to leave just yet. ā€œForgive me, your Grace, but Vhagar is no Vermithor or Sunfyre: she is old and willful, and although she is bonded with our prince, I would suggest caution. He isā€¦ young, and Vhagar was forged in the fires of battle.ā€
He bowed once more before taking his leave.
Even in indescribable pain, in the face of his own fatherā€™s disregard and disdain, Aemond sought to soothe her. ā€œDo not mourn me, mother. It was a fair exchange. I may have lost an eye, but I gained a dragon.ā€
What else would her father do to get more dragons on their side?
Nervous tension pulsed in the silence left when the doors closed behind the dragonkeeper, filled only by the soft creak of the Kingsguardā€™s mail and the gentle clink of the chain around Grand Maester Mellosā€™ neck as he shifted in his chair, barely audible. The enduring mystery and curiosity of dragons was a specter of The Stranger above them all. Alicent had heard her kingly husband remind Rhaenyra repeatedly: Dragons were not pets. The bond with them should not blind their riders to the power that thrummed ancient and thick in their veins.
She breathed slowly, letting the quiet ease, refusing to meet anyone elseā€™s eyes as the tumult of feelings inside of her crashed upon the jagged edges of her broken ribs. This was the right choice. Her babies were only half-Targaryen, and Rhaenyraā€™s bastards were the same, whether sheā€™d ever admit to it or not.
Everyone in the room had grown up with the stories that the Conquerors spread when they forged the throne: The Valyrian blood magic that had made them dragonriders was only to be found in their Targaryen blood. That bloodline needed to remain pure. Yet, Rhaenaā€™s pure Valyrian blood did not save her first dragon from being born sickly and dying quickly, while Aemond - Targaryen only by half - bonded with Vhagar, the most powerful beast in the world.
There were no further reasons to believe the Targaryens were gods after all, and above the realm they had conquered.
The great chair of the King creaked as she slowly rose, taking in the council before her. There were no Targaryens in this room, even if she had birthed her own clutch of half-dragons. Alicent bore this task without joy or fanfare. It was a duty to be endured for the good of her family, for the good of her realm.
She stood with her hands folded in front of her, the image of the Mother of the Realm. Alicent had done this once before, when she had declared that she was standing in an official capacity for her husband.
ā€œMy lords of the council,ā€ She hedged a glance at her father before moving her gaze to each man at the table. Ladies of the realm should be on the council. ā€œIt is with great joy and love that the King and myself, with Lord Larys Strong, announce to the small council that we have arranged the betrothal of our son, Prince Aegon Targaryen, and Lady Abrogail Strong.ā€
Each of the lords straightened in their chairs. Lord Beesbury frowned and glanced away from her. The uncertain and uncomfortable shifting in his chair belied the embarrassment he was attempting to hide. Alicent felt no need to point it out. It was a fine idea that heā€™d presented and not his fault he did not know what had already been decided. Even if he was Rhaenyraā€™s lapdog, Alicent would be the better person, and not rub his face in it.
The congratulations buzzed in her ears as she sat back down in her chair, and beneath the table, she tore at the skin along her left thumbnail. The pain was as dull as the congratulations in her ears. Her fatherā€™s voice was distant, jovial even.
They hadnā€™t even told Aegon and Abrogail yet. She remembered standing in the same position, knowing what was coming, knowing what it would destroy and desperately hoping that it might not.
I have decided to take a new wife. I intend to marry Lady Alicent Hightower before Springā€™s end.
Iā€™m sorry, Iā€™m so sorry Rhaenyra forgive me forgivemeforgiveme.
ā€œA feast is in order to announce Prince Aegon and Lady Abrogailā€™s betrothal,ā€ Tylandā€™s jovial tone broke the silence. His suggestionā€”or statement, depending on how Alicent took itā€”was not one that sheā€™d expected when she sat down in Viserysā€™ chair, but welcomed the confirmation of his support.
Meanwhile, Larysā€™s expression gave nothing away. He simply inclined his head in agreement.
Her son ā€” her trueborn son ā€” for all his faults, deserved to be celebrated. She was happy she didnā€™t have to fight for this. It was Mellos who spoke next: ā€œGiven the last wedding that was celebrated within these halls, it would be a reassuring gesture to the Lords of the Realm if they were given the opportunity, and for us to show unity within House Targaryen. With the Princeā€™s nameday in a few moons, perhaps we can celebrate with a tournament.ā€
Alicentā€™s eyes cut to her father, who smiled lightly, nodding in agreement but careful not to say a word, allowing the Maester to be responsible for the idea.
ā€œEven better,ā€ Tyland raised his goblet in agreement. ā€œWe havenā€™t had a proper celebration in years. What better occasion? Lord Rickard Reyne will be overjoyed to hear the honor bestowed on his granddaughter.ā€ He looked over at her father. ā€œI take it youā€™ll be writing to him, Lord Hand?ā€
The last time Alicent had seen her uncle Lord Rickard had been at her motherā€™s funeral: now no longer the worst day of her life, but the memory that was still seared into her mind. She recalled Lord Reyne as a stoic man, but heā€™d been kind to her in her grief. Alicent hoped the years had not taken that away from him, but they likely had.
Time always stole away kindness.
Lord Beesbury looked pensive. Alicent could practically hear the man pushing house markers along the map in his head as the conversation continued. ā€œWas Princess Rhaenyra involved in such a discussion?ā€
ā€œThe Princess Rhaenyra has continued to seclude herself and,ā€ he paused, his gaze heavy and considering as he took in those around the table. ā€œHer second husband, Daemon Targaryen, at Dragonstone. Neither has she come to the small council as her status allows, nor has she engaged with matters of the realm that her being heir gives her right to,ā€ her father said smoothly, and he was right. ā€œThe king still grieves his daughterā€™s choices, and she has yet to amend with him. I agree with Lord Lannister and our Grand Maester. This would show the strength and unity and willingness of House Targaryen to bond and celebrate with the realm.ā€
Beesbury gave a humorless chuckle. ā€œAnd nothing to do with presenting Prince Aegon formally.ā€ As a contender. As a choice - that was left unsaid.
Alicent felt a surge of anger inside of her, instinct compelling her to protect her children and pull the wool Viserys and Rhaenyra spun from Beesburyā€™s eyes so he could see the truths they refused to acknowledge.
Not long after Aemond had been born, Lord Lyonel had enlisted her in trying to get Viserys to hold another declaration to follow Rhaenyra, if she was truly his desired heir even with two healthy boys of his blood. The King had originally chosen Rhaenyra because of the loss of Baelon and Aemma. Everyone wanted to keep Daemon off the throne, lest he became another Maegor the Cruelā€¦ and now, he was to be Rhaenyraā€™s consort, and Viserys still would do nothing. Alicent refused to believe that Rhaenyra would kill her half-siblings, that she would kill Alicentā€™s children for whatever love had been there. Every dark, curly haired little boy caused her to fear not what Rhaenyra would decide, but what others would encourage her to do. Her father had not been wrong - her sons would be beacons of rebellion, damned by the man who had so desperately craved a son, yet now ignored. How bitter a pill.
Daemon terrified her. They should all be terrified of him. Daemon now had Rhaenyraā€™s ear and her heart and her body. Daemon was not one to hesitate if something stood in his way.
Did you fuck Daemon Targaryen in a pleasure house? Targaryens have such queer customs.
ā€œPrince Aegon is eight and ten, an accomplished dragonrider, ahā€¦ā€ Mellos trailed off, and the uncertainty on his face clawed at Alicentā€™s insides. Failure was acid in her throat.
Either you prepare Aegonā€¦
That boy who would be king had groped six serving girls at the last feast before drinking and whoring his way through the Street of Silk.
ā€œMy sister and heir is of unimpeachable character,ā€ Larysā€™ quiet voice carried within the room. ā€œAs a child, Abrogail was a playmate of Prince Aegon and his siblings, and she has become a beloved ward of Queen Alicent, who has done a remarkable job of raising her after the deaths of our parents. I would consider her to be a prime example of all our realm offers to a family that has, if I may be candid, gone to great lengths to keep to their own since the conquest. Wouldnā€™t you agree, Grand Maester?ā€
That poor girl sheā€™d now chained to him was a picture of the Maiden. It had taken everything to ensure that her father waited for it. She would not have another bride offered to the throne before she was of age, while her father wanted nothing more than for Aegon to grow up.
Tension crept back into the room at Larysā€™ words. Nobody would think to utter these thoughts had Viserys been sitting there. Mellos cleared his throat and avoided her fatherā€™s gaze to adjust the heavy chain around his neck. The title of Grand Maester had been his even before Viserysā€™ reign, and he was possibly the closest representative that was not her to speak to Viserysā€™ mind.
ā€œI would agree, Lord Strong. Perhaps even exploring the eventuality of wedding Prince Aegonā€™s children to Prince Jacaerysā€™ wouldā€¦ reassure Princess Rhaenyra. She once suggested a betrothal between Princess Helaena and-ā€
ā€œWe already have other candidates in mind for my daughter,ā€ Alicent cut in immediately. She wouldnā€™t say anything about Jaceā€™s children and future grandchildren. She refused to entertain the idea that Helaena would marry Rhaneyraā€™s son to cover her indignity and insult to everything that she had been given and born into. ā€œWe have time before the wedding,ā€ she said with a gentler tone. ā€œA year should be more than enough to introduce them to the realm and start introducing Prince Aegon to newer responsibilities befitting his station.ā€
That was time enough to beat her son into someone who could be King.
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Morning light streamed through the gauzy, sage curtains of the princessā€™ room. Abrogail licked the honey clinging to her fingers as she moved towards the washbasin, abandoning half-eaten bread and cold cuts of meat at the table. Helaena also ignored their meal as she lingered at the only window that could give her a good view of the Dragonpit. Vhagar had been on the prowl that morning, unusually territorial, and the change in the dragonā€™s temperament had entranced the friend whom she called sister. She jumped when Abby ventured near her, eyes wide and body tense as a startled cat, so the redhead pivoted in the opposite direction in order to retrieve Helaenaā€™s bodice. Normally, she did not wear one unless the Queen noticed, but on days when her mind drifted, the structure of the garment seemed to keep Helaena focused on the moment instead of her dreams. The princess was somewhere else in her thoughts, mechanically holding up her arms to have the bodice slipped over her shift.
ā€œIā€™m going to tighten the laces now, alright, Helaena?ā€ Abrogail told the princess as she always did, walking through the process so she wasnā€™t surprised by anything.
Helaena gave no verbal indication that she was listening, but Abby noticed her pale blonde head bob in acceptance. Slowly, she began straightening the garment, mindful of keeping her touch on the lacing and the chemise from pulling and pinching uncomfortably and defeating the purpose.
ā€œPink and red, he might be dead. Blue and black, no coming back,ā€ Helaena murmured. Her gaze drifted to Myrella Penrose, who approached with a yellow, diamond patterned dress for inspection. ā€œI donā€™t want my scales to be so bright.ā€ Helaenaā€™s voice did not rise from her quiet tone, and her gaze flitted away.
ā€œHow about the new one from Sevenmas?ā€ Abby offered brightly before Myrellaā€™s face could twist into the uncertain and disturbed look it took whenever Helaena drifted. ā€œThe ocean blue one with the beading. Thatā€™ll be nice to feel, right, Helaena?ā€
The princess tilted her head about, humming. ā€œYes, that would be.ā€ She threaded her fingers together, pressing in so the knuckles would crack. Myrella visibly winced at the sound, but Abby just shook her head and carefully tucked the laces into the bodice. ā€œThe perfect hug,ā€ came the breathless statement, before Helaenaā€™s bright lavender eyes finally focused away from whatever she was tracking to turn around and look towards her. Abby took the dress from Myrella and offered her cousin a smile as she held it up. She was used to Helaenaā€™s inquisitive gazes, as if she was a bug under the pretty Maesterā€™s glass Aemond had gifted his sister. ā€œDo you need them, too?ā€
ā€œA hug?ā€ Abby frowned.
ā€œScales - armor to protect you,ā€ she clarified. Helaena held her arms up to slide the dress over her head, and Abby left her to do the little buttons down the front herself. ā€œOr would you prefer a pretty carapace? Silver and reds, greens and blue. Pinks and black and gold.ā€
Abby laughed at the idea of being covered in so many colors, and Helaena even returned the smile as she finished her buttons. It was a good sign, and the tingle of worry that had been crawling up and down along her spine immediately eased. ā€œTo be decorated in so many colors? That would make for lovely armor.ā€
Helaenaā€™s mood was improving, which meant that when the Queen finally came in, she wouldnā€™t immediately launch into fretting and worrying about the princess being in ā€˜one of her episodes.ā€™ Abby knew the Queen did not mean it badly, but it still made her uncomfortable. Were her mother still there, she would say something if Abby expressed her concern. She was alone here now, and things were as different as the day and night.
The door creaked open, but it wasnā€™t Alicent who entered. Helaenaā€™s little smile turned bright and beaming: ā€œAemond!ā€
At four and ten, the boy was steadily growing with each passing turn of the moon. While bypassing Abrogail in height was no difficult feat, he now stood as tall as his sister and mother. Prince Aegon was the next family member he was bound to outgrow, and the Queen had already tasked her with ordering clothes to be made ready for when Aemond shot up again. Lord Otto towered over most, and he japed that Aemond might make it where Aegon had failed to surpass him.
Hearing Helaenaā€™s joyous declaration, Abby caught a spray of pink blooming on his pale cheeks, and Aemond reached up to adjust the soft leather strap of his eyepatch. The scar no longer looked angry, but it was prominent; a ridge of thick skin that was only just smoothing out with time. The prince held a jar carefully in his hands. He took several steps before Abby clucked her tongue at him the way she would at her own cat, though Theraxis had not joined her that morning in Helaenaā€™s room. Earlier, a maid brought along with their meals news that the cat was gallivanting in the discarded feathers while the scullery maids plucked chickens.
ā€œYour mother will be up any minute. She said she doesnā€™t want to catch you in here anymore,ā€ Abby warned with an arched brow. There was no censure in her teasing tone. Aemond was nearly her own little brother, although much was changing as they left their childhoods behind.
ā€œShe wonā€™t be here for him,ā€ Helaena said in a voice far more present than it had been before, Aemondā€™s very presence pulling her back down to earth and away from the clouds. ā€œWhat did you bring me?ā€ Even though her buttons were only half-done, Helaena rushed across the room to Aemond with her arms outstretched and fingers wiggling. ā€œOh! Itā€™s beautiful! Abby! Look!ā€ She held up the jar filled with little sticks and leaves ā€“ a fat blue and yellow cocoon precariously hanging from one forked stick inside. ā€œI wonder if it belongs to the ones I released last year.ā€
ā€œYouā€™ll be the mother of all the moths and butterflies in the Red Keep,ā€ Aemond said softly, so softly that Abby could hardly hear him despite standing close by.
Abrogail moved away from the siblings, smiling at Myrella and leading the woman to the opened door. ā€œThank you for your help this morning. I believe the Queen will need you more today. Let her know weā€™ll be going to the gardens later, if you please.ā€ Lately, the Queen had been sending the Penrose woman to help Abby tend to the princessā€™ needs. It had made her nervous. When she asked the Queen if she was being replaced, the words stuck to her throat. Her Grace had been adamant that it was not the case at all, that it was only so Abrogail could learn from her in preparation for her own running of a household, and give Helaena time to get used to someone else helping her.
Another part of Abby wondered if the Queen knew Aemond was still coming to visit in the morning. Or worse, that Uncle Otto was spying. Abby was protective of her friends, her kin. They were siblings bonded through the years of fights in the mud and pranks and stories in the nursery. Bonds such as theirs were not so easily broken; they only changed as time passed, as things happened, like Aemond losing an eye.
Myrella Penrose gave her a tight smile and left down the hall. Abby watched her go, lingering in the door as Aemond and Helaena whispered in the room. Her friendā€™s quiet giggles were a rare sound, and Abby would do anything to protect those moments for her, for them both. She tugged at the embroidered cuffs of her dark blue-gray dress, thumbs brushing the little weirwood leaves sewn in delicate scarlet thread. Little golden dragons danced through them as a symbol of her ties with the family. Aegon had picked the golden thread, predictable as ever, when sheā€™d asked his opinion.
She thought of the embroidered knot Helaena had been making ā€“ silver and green, tangling with red and black and gold. There were so many twists, but Helaena assured her that there was a rhyme to it, a dance with complicated steps. Aemondā€™s soft laugh cracked a bit, and Abby bit her lower lip to hide her giggle at the sound. She turned her head, and while she couldnā€™t quite make them out, she could see their shadows along the stone floor. They stood close together, heads bowed over something - maybe the jar, she couldnā€™t tell.
Heavy and purposeful footsteps echoed down the hall. Abbyā€™s head snapped up from where she stood within the doorway, not immediately visible. She strained to identify the cadence, and her stomach twisted when she did.
ā€œItā€™s him,ā€ she hissed, glancing wide-eyed over her shoulder. Aemondā€™s head was close to Helaenaā€™s with her hands resting on his shoulders. At Abbyā€™s raised alarm, her fingers twisted in his dark green doublet and yanked him towards the partition, shoving him behind it. Abby snatched the jar with the precious cocoon inside and tucked it on the bookshelf behind the embroidered manticore Helaena had just finished. Otto Hightowerā€™s footsteps were not alone, although the Hightower guards did not enter the Princessā€™ room when he swept in. Abby immediately dropped into a curtsy, a murmur of, ā€œLord Uncle.ā€ Helaena bobbed slightly, twisting back and forth a bit. ā€œGood morning, grandfather,ā€ she said, bounding up to press a kiss on his cheek. If Otto had any weakness, it would be his unparalleled love and favoritism of his granddaughter. It was hard to tell how much Helaena enjoyed her grandfatherā€™s attention and how much was one of her games, but whatever it was, it worked.
ā€œGood morning, sweet girl. You look lovely today.ā€ Ottoā€™s voice was fond, his smile more gentle than he seemed capable of. He was an intimidating man. Abby had received nothing but kindness and vague disinterest, but he still made her nervous. ā€œI hope you donā€™t mind, but I need to borrow your cousin.ā€ She felt her cheeks color as Ottoā€™s gaze moved to her. Her mouth dried as her nerves returned to where theyā€™d been when standing before the Queen, wondering if she was being replaced. Perhaps Larys was sending her back to Harrenhal or her sister was demanding she go to her in Casterly Rock.
Helaena smiled at her, though, with her hands folded across her stomach. ā€œIā€™ll help you with your carapace later,ā€ she reassured her. ā€œYou wonā€™t be without armor.ā€
Closing the door behind them, the Hightower guards followed a few paces behind as Abby fell in step with him.
ā€œIs everything alright?ā€ she asked as they went left instead of right, towards the Handā€™s tower. It had been years since sheā€™d walked this path that had been as familiar to her as the gardens of the Red Keep. Her eyes glanced for the loose stone at the corner of the step, where sheā€™d stow secret messages in the little hollow behind it. Had she left a note there? Was there perhaps a mystery one waiting for her?
ā€œIt is. And I hope you have been well yourself.ā€ Lord Otto looked down at her gently, and she nodded. ā€œThe Queen says you pray often in the Sept?ā€
A prompt. A strange one, but a prompt all the same. She swallowed past her dry mouth and put a smile on her face. ā€œYes, I enjoy the quiet, and it helps me feel closer to my parents.ā€ And brother, but she was careful not to mention Harwin around anyone but a handful. ā€œItā€™s especially nice when her Grace joins me. Itā€™s almost like I have my mother back.ā€ No one could replace her mother, but the Queen had been there for as long as she could remember, and sometimes, when she tilted her head a certain way and the light caught in Queen Alicentā€™s auburn curls, she could pretend her mother was there once more.
ā€œHer Grace speaks highly of you ā€“ how good you are with Princess Helaena, well behaved and polite. She said that you and the princess have made things for the poor children of the city. A very kind and admirable pursuit for you both. Your father would be very proud.ā€
ā€œThank you.ā€ Abby wasnā€™t sure what else to say or what he was getting at as they began climbing the winding staircase. The familiarity of it hit her like a scent memory - one sudden and revealing of long-forgotten feelings. ā€œI do my best to follow the Queenā€™s guidance and reflect well on my position within the family and her example.ā€
ā€œGood. Very good.ā€ She wasnā€™t sure if it was something she was supposed to reply to, so she hedged her bets and remained quiet. Her palms were sweating, and she discreetly wiped them on her skirt as she held the fabric. ā€œIā€™ve noticed that you and Prince Aegon do not spend as much time together as you used to.ā€
Aegon? Why was she being asked about Aegon? Her stomach twisted, and she felt a prickle of heat along the back of her neck. It was true: they didnā€™t spend as much time together, but they hadnā€™t for years now, not since she spent more of her time with Helaena andā€¦ Aegon? Well, Aegon had been withdrawing slowly but surely for so long, like fraying threads at the seams. Sheā€™d be lying if she claimed to not miss him, because she did. She missed the happier boy heā€™d been, who did not constantly ply himself with drink and was more mercurial than a wild dragon.
Abrogail would also be lying if she claimed they saw little of one another, or spent no time at all because that was untrue as well. Until the past few moons, sheā€™d gather lunch for the two of them when he finally rose well past noon, and heā€™d take her flying wherever he and Sunfyre desired to go. It had been something quiet and cherished, simply the three of them away from everything. Until Aegon had gotten in the tavern brawl all that time ago. Until Aegon started avoiding her. Until he barely acknowledged her at meals that he decided to join, even when he sat beside her. There was no way that Otto Hightower would not be aware of that, and she would not hedge around it. It wasnā€™t like anything untoward was happening.
ā€œNot as much, but that is a natural casualty of leaving behind childhood. He found me earlier this week because it seemed there was a lack of honey cakes in the kitchen and I was the first to be interrogated.ā€ There was a note of amusement in her voice, and Abby smiled in memory of his indignation and how silly he looked when she shoved honey cake into his mouth to stop his ranting. ā€œHe occasionally accompanies me in the Sept to pray. Itā€™s incredibly kind of him to do so.ā€
She mounted a few more steps before realizing that Lord Hightower had paused. She turned to look at him. Morning light streaked through the narrow, delicate paned windows, casting shadow and illuminating dust in the air. He stared up at her, and with a few steps between them, she stood at his height. It was the first time sheā€™d ever met her uncleā€™s eyes. Unlike her own unreadable brother, Ottoā€™s face was not so impassive. He looked intrigued by her admission. Abbyā€™s hands wound into her skirt so as not to fidget.
ā€œHe was not inappropriate, if that is your concern, my lord. Prince Aegon behaved with due respect.ā€ To defend Aegon was second nature to her, and she would do so towards arguably the most powerful man in the realm if it meant to spare Aegon more shame and ire when, for once, heā€™d done nothing wrong. Which was true. Aegon hadnā€™t said a single thing. He knelt beside her, lighting candles, and simply stayed with her while she prayed for her family. He hadnā€™t even put a hand of comfort on her shoulder. She felt that was worth mentioning, given his current proclivities. She would not deny his vices, but she would not break confidence, and she would let no one, especially Lord Otto, think any worse of him if she could help it.
ā€œVery good.ā€ It took everything in her to keep the bewilderment off her face as she tried to understand what exactly he was trying to figure out. Otto resumed their progress, although now he rested a heavy hand between her shoulder blades like a father guiding a child. ā€œSo, you have no current complications with him?ā€
Complications? Did he think sheā€™d lifted her skirts for Aegon? It wasnā€™t like sheā€™d never thought of kissing him on those lazy afternoons when theyā€™d lay in the grass and stare at the sky somewhere in the Kingswood with Sunfyre sunning himself like a cat. Of course sheā€™d thought about kissing him, especially when he was at his most melancholy, with tears pooling in his eyes, making them pinker than normal. A kiss beyond the games children play, a kiss to comfort an angry prince in the firelightā€™s glow, his tears coursing down his cheeks with each snip of her embroidery scissors that sent locks of moonlight hair to the ground.
Heā€™d never touched her more than a handhold, and far less than she touched him in her casual affections.
ā€œNo. No complications,ā€ she confirmed.
They reached the landing, and Abby ran her hand over the stone dragon curled up in eternal sleep at the top of the stairs. Her fingers scratched along the smooth curve of its head the way sheā€™d done every morning when she visited her father. She felt her uncleā€™s gaze on her, and she drew her hand away, hurrying to follow him into his office with her cheeks burning beneath her freckles, relieved only just by his vaguely amused expression.
The room was darker than it had been before. Gone were the stacks of books with various slips of paper sticking out haphazardly, or Theraxis lounging lazily along the cool stone floor by the door with his fluffy tail, sending motes of dust into the air. She instinctively clutched her skirt on the right to pull them away, so used to a giant paw the size of her hand grabbing at the fluttering fabric. But Theraxis was not there. The crumbling tome about the Andal invasion was absent from where it once rested on the side table. Instead, Larys stood by the fire with his back to her, as did the Queen, her lovely green dress covering her from neck to wrist with a golden pattern woven in the fabric that caught the firelight. Her face pinched in the way it did when she was uncertain and trying not to pick at her nails.
Abby noticed, of course. It usually meant that someone was about to get yelled at or she would send them away with the other ladies.
The figure in the chair slouched so far down that his silver head nearly vanished behind the back of it. At the clearing of Lord Ottoā€™s throat, Aegon jerked up. His whole body held so much tension that it made Abbyā€™s own hurt just by looking at him. He peered over his shoulder at them with glossy, red-rimmed eyes that give him a strange, ethereal sort of gaze, skin pale enough to prominently display the flushed pink mottling of a strike against his right cheek. He looked stuffy and uncomfortable in his dark green doublet, his fingers absently tugging at the buttons and collar. As his gaze focused, his eyes widened and darted from the uncertainty she knew was on her own face to his grandfather behind her.
The thud as Otto shut the door reverberated through her, and she and Aegon both flinched at the sound. Out of the corner of her eye, Abby could see the Queen flinch as well. Larys, as always, looked unphased. The heavy hand on her back pushed her towards the empty chair closer to the fire, and she had no time to bob a curtsy; courtesies stuck like toffee in her mouth.
The chairs once held the delicately embroidered pillows her mother made. She would curl up with them and read aloud from the books scattered around while her papa worked. He would-
ā€œQueen Alicent and Lord Larys have received several letters expressing interest in you, Abrogail,ā€ Otto said, walking behind his desk. She dug her thumbnail into the pad of her middle finger, and she saw Aegonā€™s booted foot twitch on the flagstone ā€“ a rocking motion from the ball of his foot to his heel before slapping it back down beneath the desk. Wood crackled in the fireplace. ā€œLord Farman is looking for a wife for his eldest, and Faircastle would be close to your sister.ā€
He plucked a scroll from the basket as he spoke, and Abby felt her stomach churn with nerves as a red heat clawed along her throat. She did not venture a look at Aegon, save for the foot he kept rocking back, the heel he repeatedly ground into the floor. Heā€™d not gone back to slouching. He could be indolent and rude when he wanted, but not even Aegon dared to in his grandfatherā€™s presence. Abby didnā€™t understand what this was about, or why Aegon was here.
ā€œEdmund Vance, the heir to House Vance, recently lost his wife. A good man, and part of the Riverlands although a small seat. Or, if you married Jesper Celtigar, the heir of Crackclaw, youā€™d be able to remain in Kingā€™s Landing.ā€
Otto Hightower produced scroll after scroll and Abrogail felt the flush of embarrassment in her cheeks, confusion keeping her words locked away. How was she supposed to react to all of this? What was he trying to say? Were all these marriage proposals meant to make her feel better about herself? No, that was too odd to contemplate.
Why was Aegon here?
ā€œLord Grover has also written of his interest in you for his grandson. A Paramount seat would let you be close to your home at Harrenhal, and he already has an heir. He would take good care of you, and your children would have every opportunity.ā€ Another scroll plucked from the basket. ā€œIt would bring Harrenhal into their holdings. Is that not correct, Lord Larys?ā€
Right. Harrenhal.
A womanā€™s lot is to only be worth what she could bring to the table.
Her brother was a man of few words, and he inclined his head with a shadow of a smile flickering across his face. Abby looked at the queen to find that her face was pinching harder. In the interim, Queen Alicent stepped away from the fire and moved instead to the desk with the gentle swoosh of her skirts gliding across the stone. She cleared her throat, a smile fighting its way on her face.
ā€œAll the offers were wonderful for you, my sweet girl, but none seemed right.ā€ The Queen reached out to tuck a copper curl behind her ear, and Abby could not tell if this was supposed to be comforting to her or if the Queen sought comfort in the action for herself. Her lungs felt constricted, and it finally dawned on her.
Oh.
The sole of Aegonā€™s boot continued to drag across the stone in both a nervous fidget and to keep himself from slouching down even further into the chair. The only reason she could hear it was because of how focused sheā€™d been on it, but now blood rushed into her head and Abby broke eye contact with her cousin to look down in her lap.
ā€œWhat does seem right is for you and Aegon to be married, after your nameday. Youā€™ll be eight and ten, and the pair of you will go to live at Harrenhal, and make your home there.ā€
Oh.
ā€œAre you fucking serious?ā€ Aegonā€™s voice was a hoarse, disused rasp from a night with endless drink. When she looked at him again, she noticed that his hair was still damp, and that beads of water from the wet ends had soaked little spots into the collar of his shirt. He wasnā€™t looking at her, but up at his mother, and then, incredulously, across the desk at his grandfather.
Ottoā€™s face remained impassive following his grandsonā€™s outburst. Abby wanted to grab Aegon and drag him out of the way of whatever was about to come out of the Handā€™s mouth, as if the words would physically harm him.
The silence lengthened. Another log popped in the fireplace.
ā€œHe speaks.ā€ The amusement in Ottoā€™s voice caused Aegon to draw back further into his chair before he finally turned to look at her. His eyes were so red-rimmed, and his sullen face was so terribly pale that the pink-lilac of his eyes stood out ethereally, inhumanly like the drawing of a fae folk from a book she had as a child - wild and cornered. Heā€™d bitten his pouty, chapped lips bloody.
Aegon searched her face for an answer to a question that she did not know. The only thing Abrogail could do was give him the gentle, reassuring smile sheā€™d given him countless times before. It was what she did in this world: comfort her loved ones in any way possible, even as she needed to bury her own feelings on the matter. Feelings that, in this particular case, she couldnā€™t even begin untangling in the moment.
ā€œWell, that makes us luckier than most, doesnā€™t it?ā€ Abby cleared her throat and turned the smile onto the others in the room. She reached up to grasp the Queenā€™s hand and gave her a reassuring squeeze before she burst into a million pieces. Whether it was her, or the Queen, that might burst, she could not say. ā€œWe are fortunate to know one another so well and to be of an age. I thank you Lord Hightower, your Grace.ā€ She looked at Larys, who remained silent in his observations, as always ā€“ an owl in a tree, eyes taking in everything. ā€œThank you, brother, for looking out for me.ā€
She felt Aegonā€™s eyes continue to pin on her. She looked back at him.
The wild and anxious expression was still on his face, and instinct compelled her, as it often did, to reach out her hand to take his - but he surprised her by beating her to it. His skin felt like fire engulfing her frigid hand and his fingers tangled with hers with easy familiarity. Before she could register what was happening, Aegonā€™s chair was already scraping across the floor and he pulled her from her chair with the momentum of jumping from his own. There was no pause in his movement as he dragged her to the door.
ā€œHow very fortunate we are.ā€ A laugh bubbled from Aegonā€™s chest. It was a joyless sound when he laughed in the presence of his mother and grandsire. It was edged with the familiar mania; Aegon laughed when he was afraid, when he was anxious, when he was trying not to scream as his world was coming apart, or the laughter and joy on the back of Sunfyre. He tilted his head to stare up at the ceiling before throwing a look over his shoulder at the three across the room. ā€œHow very lucky we are.ā€
Aegonā€™s hand was clammy around hers, his grip bordering on painful. He yanked the door open with a protesting whine of the latch. Abby heard the Queen calling after him, but Aegonā€™s strides were purposeful as they ate up the ground to get away. Only the grip of their hands kept her from being left behind in the claustrophobic room where their future was being decided for them.
It might have been the second bravest thing sheā€™d ever witnessed from him.
[Chapter Two]
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linalina-universe Ā· 7 months ago
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I've been praying on this daily. Transgender Christian converts.
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Edit: While I do talk about Orthodoxy in this post. I am part of the Episcopal church. I posted this while I was on a journey of faith and It's had it's ups and downs. Please find the church you feel most comfortable in. I've been asking some of the saints, Holy Theotokos, and Jesus our Lord. As well as talking to my Guardian angel as I can. To help Bring my transgender eunuch siblings around the world to Faith in Jesus. Seeing all of the LGBT Christian Blogs recently on Tumblr is making me so Glad. God is Good. God Cares about us. Even if there are teachers in the church who condemn us for being different. Seek Reconciliation, Repentance. Learn to Forgive one another. Learn to Love one another. The path towards Jesus isn't easy. Much learning and Discernment it's a LONG ROAD. But keep learning about Jesus. Don't settle for less, but find a place to plant your roots. If you want to really get into the thick of it learn about Orthodoxy. But it takes time for us to get where we need to be. I do believe God listens to all of His Children though. The Holy spirit is everywhere. I would never judge whether or not a person is damned or saved due to what church they go to. That's up to Jesus, he is the judge. But come as you are. Never let a Church teacher hold Jesus over you do not conform to the whims of man as we are not of this world. Only Conform to the Whims of Jesus. Learn to be humble in life, Obedient to Jesus. Learn about humility. Realize no one person on this earth is any better than another. True humility is a virtue. It takes time to cultivate. We are imperfect. Learn LGBT History, ancient history, learn about eunuchs and Queer Saints. qspirit.net, But realize that many of these things are unkown without a time machine. Be sound in wisdom of our ancestors. Do not be defensive all the time though. Learn when to talk, listen to the silence. Do not let hate, and the machinations of this world such as political ideologies, capitalism control your life. We need money to work in this world. But money and possessions are temporary while Jesus and God are eternal. Pray for the Rich kings and politicians who persecute us pray that they seek Jesus. "It is better to Light a candle than to Curse the Darkness." Do not let the Darkness of media news overtake you. Pray for people around the world suffering. Count your blessings. Realize just how good you might have it. I recommend you learn about the Orthodox Saints of Alaska if you want to learn about actual anti-colonialist Christians. The Saints are wonderful examples of ideal Christian lives. I recommend Trisagion Films on youtube to learn about the saints. While I affirm LGBT relationships and see true Joy in them. I know unless Heaven and Earth are moved. The Orthodox/Romans will never Affirm them. I recommend merely Getting Married under the Law of the Land and then showing up at church. Have a celebration an an episcopal church I love the episcopal angelicans it's a safe respite for us queer Christians. I wish that LGBT marriages had been affirmed decades ago, then maybe some of the self destructive generational trauma we see in the queer community wouldn't exist. But we are a persecuted class and either way people dislike us. I hope someday the Orthodox have church mothers. We need women for the women and girls in the church to confide in. We need equal representation. I understand if not everyone agrees with me. But I love Jesus. I hope that being his servant like the court eunuchs of ancient times can be well pleasing to Him. Eunuchs were seen as angelic. His divine eros fulfills my heart in some ways as someone by tradition of ancient orthodoxy should technically be celibate. Live as yourself and know God loves you. Take your medicine and heal. He will never Give up on you. Art By Devlev on Deviantart. Please support them. They Draw Beautiful Queer art.
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rayatii Ā· 14 days ago
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What War Is
(A sort of poem by me.)
What is war?
To me, war is
The streets of my city lined up with makeshift tents
The run-down school next to my place now hosting refugees
Every public school now closed because they are hosting refugees
Seeing places that were once so familiar to me, get destroyed in a wink
Passing apartments destroyed by bombings, and
Seeing workers already working on rebuilding them
The instructions and maps for bomb shelters on the website of my university
My professors constantly reminding us that we are going through uncertain times (but please take your responsibilities seriously)
The countless online lectures on stress management and living through times like these
The hybrid class arrangements where only a maximum of four students show up to class in-person, because many are out of the city or even out of the country
The extra burden of balancing stress from this situation and class requirements we fell behind on due to schools and universities closing for a while at the start
Learning the difference between the sound of a sonic boom and a bomb
Briefly mistaking every loud noise I hear for a bomb sound
Hearing more sirens outside than usual, and
Wondering more than usual where these sirens are headed to
Anticipating every day the familiar buzz of a reconnaissance drone over my city (I keep trying to troll it)
Losing sleep from being startled awake at night by distant bombings
The most depressing kind of packing for a trip ever
Living half a live in one place and half a life in another
Missing things I once took for granted
Texting and calling loved ones living in a certain area after a bombing, to see if they are still alive
My family always leaving the TV on for news and updates while I am catching up on my assignments
Me and others telling each other jokes about the politicians and military forces perpetrating the destruction
Feeling a certain sense of extra kinship with my fellow countrypeople
Discovering new points of view, on- and offline, new allies and new enemies, surprising or not
People online, living thousands of kilometers away, who see us as collateral damage or think we somehow deserve this suffering because of our political situation
Finding out how very little some people know about our lives here
Sometimes resenting people overseas for living their best life
Reminding myself not to let the situation corrupt my mind and turn me into an asshole
Learning more and gaining wisdom (but at what cost)
"Relatable" posts on Tumblr taking a whole new meaning
Understanding famous stories of war, real or fantasy, the true effects of war, more than ever
My friends and loved ones overseas asking me near-daily if I am okay, and
Me replying every time that yes, I am okay, I am safe
Being grateful that I am alive and well, but still not being quite happy
The awareness of the unreality of the situation
Living through historical times, and resenting it
Agreeing with others that we are experiencing a Liteā„¢ version of survivor's guilt
My weekly therapy sessions now becoming more necessary than ever
Generational trauma becoming not-so-generational-anymore
Oscillating between complete desperation, and determination to not give my enemies the satisfaction of my submission to fear
The tiredness and stress I carry, often without knowing, and
Being aware that everyone around me carries that same tiredness and stress, often without knowing
Reflecting on hypothetical scenarios
Reflecting on where to go
Reflecting on whether the next bombs will drop on me or on people I know
Reflecting on what I might leave behind
Reflecting on the possibility of suddenly losing everything I hold dear
Reflecting on the possibility of suddenly losing everything
Reflecting on the very possible eventuality of death
Reflecting on my life itself.
But even so, I see that I am privileged, because
I still have access to food and clean water (some don't.)
I still have a roof over my head (some don't.)
I still have access to my education (some don't.)
I still have enough money to afford those basic needs (some don't.)
I still have all of my brain, both my eyes, ears, my nose, both my arms, legs, and all my fingers (some don't.)
I still have nearly all the trinkets and indulgences, useful or trivial, that are dear to my heart (some don't.)
I still have some time to focus on leisure (some don't.)
I haven't developed any serious mental issues from all this (yet) (some did.)
I live in a relatively safe area (some don't)
Me and my family have at least one option for areas to retreat to (some don't.)
My loved ones are all still alive
I am still alive.
(some are not.)
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thecoffeelorian Ā· 4 days ago
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Fandom Friday, 11/01: Fanart
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Hello again, everyoneā€¦and welcome to another installment of Fandom Friday, the two-post series where I go off to find new and interesting fanworks that might need a bit more visibility.
Before we get started...let me just say that the next election in my country happens next week and that there's probably going to be a bit of political fallout no matter what the results are, so. If I don't come online as much and/or I miss an update or two, you'll all know my reason ahead of time.
Also, I might have slapped half of this together at almost the very last minute, so perhaps if nothing else continues to go wrong, I'll have a better installment a few weeks from now. Either way, thank you all for your patience.
Anyways, before I ramble on too much, here are my picks of the week.
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GENERIC STAR WARS
Star Wars Fanart--By @binkyisonline:
THE ACOLYTE
The Acolyte Fanart--By @fulcrum-art-fox:
THE CLONE WARS
The Clone Wars Fanart--By @pandorademos:
The Clone Wars Fanart--By @snotbuggle:
THE BAD BATCH
The Bad Batch Fanart--By @niobiumao3:
The Bad Batch Fanart--By @satellitesketchbook:
THE MANDALORIAN
The Mandalorian Fanart--By @sungodjasmine:
The Mandalorian Fanart--By @dirtysouvenir:
In conclusion, as part of my mission to poke around the Star Wars fandom and, on Friday every two weeks, highlight those artists who might otherwise go unnoticedā€¦I hope you will check out the links I have included for yourselves and like, comment on, and reblog them, as well as also giving the artists a few more followers to their Tumblr pages.
Please also like and reblog this latest installment so that these links can be spread around to as many other fans as possible, just in case not all of them can tune in at the same time.
An additional thank you goes toĀ @djarrexĀ for making the divider I used earlier in this post, but still want to give credit for.
And finally, so that I do not forgetā€¦this post will be continued in its second half: the Fanfiction Edition.
Thank you, good afternoon, and Iā€™ll see you in the next post!
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No Pressure Tags: @melymigo @algo-o-nada @theosb0rnway @everybirdfellsilent @skellymom
@leos-multifandom-corner @maggie-dylan @leenabb104104 @gun-roswell @tazmbc1
@bluedeedeedoop @its-time-to-rise-above @tlmtwelveĀ and anybody else who might be on the lookout for new SW fanart.
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bevsi Ā· 1 year ago
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tumblr please give me your wisdom. what are romantic things to do in the Tokyo area?
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johnica-weeks Ā· 1 year ago
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Johnica Week 2024
When is the event? šŸ“†
This year's Johnica Week will start on Thursday 18th January and end on Sunday 21st January! For the first time the event will START on their wedding anniversary and continue throughout the weekend šŸ„° But as always, don't worry if you're late! You can keep sending your contributions after the last day, these are simply indicative days to gather all together šŸ’•
Where? šŸ”Ž
Here on Tumblr, on AO3 and also on Instagram for visual artists!
šŸ’š Use the tag #JohnicaWeek2024 in your entries here and on Instagram!
šŸ“š > Here is the AO3 COLLECTION where to post your fics! <
šŸ’š Tag @eileen-crys and/or @johnica-weeks in your works so I can read, see and share them!
šŸ“š At the end of the event Iā€™ll make a Tumblr masterlist with all the works!
2020 Masterlist | 2021 Masterlist | 2022 Masterlist | 2023 Masterlist
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The Theme šŸŽ
The 49th Wedding Anniversary comes soon before the huge milestone of the 50 years together, and it's usually represented by various symbols that I added to the prompts: Zircon, Orchids, the color Purple, and luxurious gifts. The main theme of this year's event is GIFTS, the act of giving the partner something material or abstract as an act of selflessness, that can have various meanings and various reactions.
Like all the prompts, itā€™s up to you to follow the theme or not, consider it just as a general theme that you could build your entries around. I chose some prompts that might fit this theme, that are about gifts as physical objects or as ideas for situations or alternative worldbuildings.
How? šŸ–¼
You're encouraged to join with your preferred creative media or challenge yourself with something new! Fanfictions, drawings, comics, poetry, collages and photo edits, moodboards, anything you like! More in the RULES below.
Like all Ship Weeks, this is a fandom event to share love and creativity related to a particular couple, so be sure to engage with the entries and support all the artists and writers that chose to join! Reblog, leave likes/kudos and comment on the artworks to keep the fandom alive! šŸ’œšŸ’–šŸ’•šŸ’œšŸ’–šŸ’•
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Day 1 ā€¢ 18 January (Anniversary!)
Flowers: Orchids are symbols of love, beauty, refinement, fertility, strength and resilience, and mature charm.
Surprise gift!
Handmade by the other
Young, poor and happy together
"I've got a loving wife and a couple of kids at home, that'll do me!"
Day 2 ā€¢ 19 January
The color: Purple can evoke spirituality, mystery, royalty, imagination, compassion, fantasy, wisdom, creativity and sensitivity.
A kinky gift šŸ˜
Concert tickets
Radio interview
ā€œWhen you love something, you protect it with your entire life. Right now, my guts tell me to do the same.ā€
Day 3 ā€¢ 20 January
Gemstone: Zircon zircon is a talisman of travelers. They count on it to lead to a shelter and show the right way. Plus, it is able to protect from injuries. Women used the gem to ease childbirth, drive away evil spirits, enhance health, get wisdom, and attract good luck.
Rejecting a gift
Torn between options
Dreaming and daydreaming
"You remembered something Iā€™d mentioned a million years ago!"
Day 4 ā€¢ 21 January
Celebration: Luxury the 49th wedding anniversary is the step right before the big 50, also known as the Golden wedding. All the symbols represent the wealth of experience a couple has after being married for nearly five decades. Two people who are willing to work together and compromise and do all the things that make a marriage successful deserve to celebrate with a bit of Luxury.
Matching pyjamas
Spa experience / Pampering one another
Knowing each other like an open book
"Oh my, this must have been expensive!" "Nothing is expensive enough for you, my love."
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What can you do? āœ’
You can join with fanfics, edits and moodboards, drawings of all kinds and if you want to sing or play an instrument please feel free to!
The requirements are:
John and Veronica Deacon as the main pairing;
Your love and creativity! šŸ„°
You can write/draw:
Fics with and without accurate settings and timelines;
Alternative Universes (AU) of any kind and genre, mixed or not with the prompts (ex. Fem!John AU + coffee shop, A/B/O AU + Superpowers);
ā€œWhat if"s;
Genderswap/genderbending of any kind;
Other Queen members, friends, pairings, family, poly ships (that have to involve both John and Veronica!), OCs, etcā€¦
Fluff, angst, crack, hurt/comfort, action, mystery, sexy timesā€¦ anything you fancy!
šŸ”„ NSFW is allowed with PROPER TAGS! IMPORTANT note: please interact with NSFW only if youā€™re +18! šŸ”ž
ā€¦ and more! If youā€™re unsure feel free to ask!
Weā€™re here to celebrate John and Veronica Deacon, not to create drama or fights nor to disrespect their privacy. So please be considered about your entries and comments and always try to be respectful to John, to Veronica, to their family and friends, to the people who ship them or ship other couples and to your audience.
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HOW to post? šŸ¤”
You can post your entries here on Tumblr, on AO3 and on Instagram, using the hashtag #JohnicaWeek2024 and tagging me.
If you prefer, you can post anonymously on AO3, HERE is an easy guide on how to do it!
If youā€™re on Tumblr and want to post a fic anonymously please send me a DM and Iā€™ll post it on @johnica-weeks on your behalf, crediting it as Anonymous author! I will also post fics from Anon authors posted on AO3 here on tumblr on Anon's behalf.
šŸ”„ TAG your work APPROPRIATELY! This includes all potential triggers and smut. On Tumblr you can include the appropriate warnings at the top of the fic followed by a "keep readingā€ cut (you can add it in desktop version AND on mobile by writing :readmore: in a new line!) Also be sure to tag the rating of your fic, the genre and the themes of your story, enough to help the readers!
āœØ If youā€™re still unsure, HEREā€™s a useful guide on how to tag your works!
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As a reader... šŸ“–
If youā€™re a fan of John, of Johnica or simply like to read fanfictions, positive interactions are always much welcomed! Support the authors by leaving likes, a comment (even a little one!) and sharing their work. On AO3 you donā€™t need an account to leave Kudos and Comments! (Unless the author has willingly prevented guests to comment). To leave a comment on AO3 you simply have to choose a temporary mail and set your email to get a notification for an eventual reply.
If a work is not tagged appropriately, you can reach out to me via DM and Iā€™ll warn the author. If anything makes you uncomfortable, simply close the work! Do not engage by leaving nasty comments or messaging the author!
šŸ”„ IMPORTANT!!! šŸ”„
During the event, if any of you/your entries gets hateful comments or messages towards you, your entries, the Johnica ship, the event or other creators, please DELETE the hateful comment/message right away with no interactions and let me know! This is no place for haters, just for creativity and love. If you see a hateful comment on other works do not engage, instead leave a positive comment to the same work and support the author! šŸ’œ
Realistic or not, remember that fanfictions are, by definition, FICTIONAL and not meant to be a documentary! There are lots of things we donā€™t know about John and Veronicaā€™s private lives and donā€™t want to go in too deeply, gossip or speculate about them, so feel free to fly with your fantasy and let your creativity flow! šŸ˜ŠšŸ’– Most of allā€¦ have fun, respect each other and support each otherā€™s works!
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Dividers and graphics by @firefly-graphics and @johnica-weeks. As always for any info and question feel free to send an ask or a DM!
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dtmsrpfcringe Ā· 4 months ago
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Okay so the ā€œMichaelā€ was truly bizarre, amr?
Also. Please donā€™t lump me in with queer anon here because I currently rent real estate on planet earth and do not make it my lifeā€™s mission to destroy GT or AL or likeā€¦ violently RPF ship D/M. Just not a thing I do to try to psychoanalyze these strangers or weave a narrative with very flimsy and very very cherry picked strings.
Disclaimer done.
But I DO kind of feel like the ā€œsilly little jabs is our love language and itā€™s funny and silly and cute and all in good funā€ bit is wearing on me. It was all fine. All of it. Until this sandals video šŸ˜‚šŸ˜­ like, Georgia, I do not hate you or think youā€™re evil or your marriage is a sham. However. Letā€™s just say I would not be UNHAPPY to see Georgia UNCOMMIT to this particular bit of videos of her taking the piss out of David.
I donā€™t even follow them anywhere bc tumblr is my only social media so Iā€™m not hunting them down or anything itā€™s just, you know, fandom tumblr dash content.
I think maybe itā€™s a matter of personal preference rather than me making any kind of broad statement about their relationship here. But it was the first time I ever got actually ā€œannoyedā€ vibes from him in one of her vids. Which happens with couples obviously whatever. It just felt not good to watch that one.
And maybe because for the first time it DID send me psychoanalyzing?!! likeā€¦ oh man. Which again I guess is a me problem.
Hereā€™s hoping that it was just a normal couple having a grumbly moment video bc the rest of the time they seem fine and it isnā€™t even my business anyway. Except for the fact that he ā€¦ legit seemed annoyed in this one and I just wish she hadnā€™t posted it because I canā€™t unsee that šŸ˜¬
Please give me your wisdom in this momentary crisis of faith.
honestly I think that he wasn't actually annoyed. If he was he wouldn't have posed for a photo of his shoes and socks, or grinned as he walked in front of her. I just see it as a funny little video and I think that's all anyone should really get out of a <10 second video of a couple who's been together for 16 years and have a collective of five children. Whatever they do clearly works for them and it's very obvious that they both have a humorous relationship. I think another thing to remember here is that Georgia is ND and a lot of ND humor can come off a little coarse (I would knowšŸ€šŸ˜­)
Also, they've been together for a very long time and no relationship is ever perfect and it is very important to remember this! Hope this helps anon.
Also...yeah the "Michael" was so weird
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vitaminseetarot Ā· 1 year ago
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PAC: What Does Libra Season Have in Store For You? ā˜šŸ’—šŸŒ†
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Happy Autumn folks and welcome back! I'm stoked. I enjoyed my first day of Autumn with some good ol cider. This is looking to be a very busy fall season!
NEWS! Starting tomorrow I will be heading out on a vacation trip for a little over a week where I'll be away from Tumblr for the majority of the time, so things will be pretty quiet on this blog until mid-October. But stick around because when I come back, I'll be bringing some Tarot games with me, sprucing up my page, and more! šŸŽ
(I also got a new desk which is going to make card spread layouts so much easier! kazoo)
So for now, I thought I would tune into the vibes of the upcoming sun in Libra transit and catch a brief glimpse into what it has prepared for you all this crispy cool season.
(Content warning: there is an image containing blood on one of the cards. It's from the Shadowscape Tarot deck. I will find a way to modify this card in the future.)
Please select one of the three sunset skies below. I will dub them Peach (1), Fuchsia (2), and Violet (3).
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Pile 1: Peach Sky
Ace of Pentacles, Page of Cups, King of Pentacles, Six of Cups, Ten of Swords; Compassion, 21. Venus, 6. Sun - Light, Sadness
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Hi pile 1! Your Libra season will be filled with a sense of grace. I feel like you've been going through some struggles lately and you're wondering if help is available. Libra season may be a good time for you to reach out to loved ones and anybody who can help you in your current struggle. It could be related to money. You're going to be near those who understand your troubles and may have advice which can re center you. With the open minded Page of Cups, you may receive a nugget of wisdom which can propel you to create something new.
You'll be able to reconnect more with your inner child during this next month. In the midst of struggling, we can often forget or neglect our child side which needs to feel safe in order to come out of hiding. You'll have chances to let small joys assist you in healing. Try watching that movie you've been thinking about, you might end up really enjoying it. These moments can help give you important insights into helping you heal something that's kept you down in the dumps.
You may likely have episodes throughout the month where your energy and drive take a dip and you'll have to sit some stuff out to process your thoughts for a while. I'm feeling a lot of this gloomy Ten of Swords energy is from various past issues. Nothing in your deck suggests rushing through this, if anything the King of Pentacles says "success isn't an overnight thing". Take the time you need to work through old sticky feelings that stop you from moving forward.
A lot of self care will be required for this solar season, pile 1. Give yourself the occasional indulgence, but look closely over your finances this month. Don't use indulgence as a distraction from getting important work done. Libra is a season of balance, and this pile is about the balance between prudence and play. Make time to regenerate yourself with fun, then tend to needed duties. Do what you can and stay open minded to receiving outside help from guides or people.
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Pile 2: Fuchsia Sky
XVII Star, King of Cups, X Wheel of Fortune, Three of Swords, Six of Wands; Listening, 29. Ceres, 3. East - Beginnings, Frustration
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Hey pile 2, it seems like for the first time in a while things may finally be looking up. During this time, you could meet someone who will be like a counselor figure to you (or an actual counselor). You will have someone who will be there to understand you. I get the impression that you recently went through some form of upheaval and lack the sensation of solid ground. Things are likely still in a state of flux during Libra season, but since the King of Cups has no trouble sailing over choppy waters, you can lean on that wisdom and spiritual strength to get through.
A lot could be changing in your life, or even that you're in the liminal phase of being from one place to another. It's like you're holding a train ticket that lets you visit any city you want. You're beginning to scratch the surface of what possibilities are out there for you. Decisions are hardly in the books right now. The key is to tend to what opportunities you would love more than others and allow the one you want to grow. Ceres wants you to be patient and deliberate with your moves.
Situations may come up where you're made to reckon with your old memories that have caused pain. I'm putting a content warning for blood on this pile and to be honest, even if blood doesn't trigger you there may be times in this month where something may trigger old wounds when least expected. On the flipside, this month also shows that you are undergoing a lot of change as to how you deal with these situations. Your reactions to old stimuli may change and you may find yourself being cool where you were once upset.
Although hope is forecast in your reading, you may not be in the right place to ring any victory bells. Achievement of something major is not likely to happen this month, for you pile 2 this will be a developmental month that will allow you to gently transition into the next phase of your life. Be sure to check in with yourself every now and then to congratulate yourself for the little things, even--no, especially when progress appears slow or all over the place. The time will come where you will feel more focused and determined to tackle something big, but for now appreciate the small victories and rejoice in silver linings of any kind.
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Pile 3: Violet Sky
Page of Swords, Five of Cups, Eight of Wands, Ace of Wands, Five of Wands; Mystery, 6. Virgo, 22. Air - Motion, Love
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Hello pile 3, This Libra season will likely involve education for you of some kind. You may be a student in school now or you're out of school but looking for something new to try. You could also be looking into new ideas or plans for your next year. I think this pile is really into the autumn season, like you guys are ready to let it go and slide into the next year. This season has you in a contemplative space where you get to weigh options. Though you may find some time to work things out, I think the month will move faster for you than you think. (If you're applying for scholarships or the like, check your emails vigilantly.)
You will definitely be blessed with a feeling of catharsis, as Five of Cups can talk about pure emotional release. Something has likely been an issue either in the front or back of your mind, some kind of long term issue involving relationships and making goals work. Your mind has spent enough time whirling around trying to solve the problem with pure logic. The only way to let go of the scattering thoughts is to allow the emotions locked in to completely flow out. Then the logic will work more effectively, like taking a jammed piece of paper out of a printer.
Some of you could have recently broken up with someone and you're figuring out how to move on with your life. Or there was a recent argument with a loved one. Something like that which creates a need to reevaluate one's path. Since one path didn't work out, what other options could be on the table? You're being given the chance to dive into anything without anticipating results good or bad. Allow yourself to explore and find something that either creates joy or helps you to release old pain (like an artsy workshop).
This month could open up a lot of chances for you to organize and set easier priorities for your life, for this year and the next. The catharsis will finally allow everything to move, both your actions and manifestations. You'll be amazed by how quickly and smoothly the pace will pick up after relationship issues are placed on the backburner (unless there's an urgent issue involved). Note that catharsis doesn't always involve crying it out; sometimes it can be done through a good laugh or even a great workout. You could find emotional release through whatever it is you'd like to learn. For some of you, this is your sign: It's worth looking into.
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This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.
2023, @VitaminseeTarot ā„¢
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fellow-travelers-fic-recs Ā· 8 months ago
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How do I love thee, let me count the weeks... Final Round-Up
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Fellow Travelers Valentine's Celebration: Masterpost
āœØ Show the authors some love with kudos and a quick comment on the fics after reading, and be sure to reblog this post, so others can enjoy these fics too!
šŸ’  Authors: if your tumblr (or other socials) isnā€™t linked, and you'd like it to be, let me know and I'll be happy to add it. Or, if you are linked, and you'd rather not be, please contact me to remove it.
Works below can be found in this Ao3 Collection šŸ’—
ā¤ļø very pretty weeds by @beyondxmeasure | Cyantific [T, 2K] Hawk has really put Tim through the emotional wringer this weekend, and he seems far too nice to deserve any of it. Rafael tries his best to give his new friend a warm send-off and a few words of wisdom.
Or, the walk to the ferry from Rafael's POV.
šŸ§” Under Stars Chilled By The Winter by @bluebellsinburbank | ConsumingLove (Bluebellstar) [G,1K] Hawk has been away in Rome for a week. He comes home to Tim.
Part 7 of Bravery | Part 5 of FT Valentine's Month
šŸ’› you're the home beneath the ruin by @startagainbuttercup | startagainbuttercup [T, 1K] Episode 2, Inside Hawk's head.
He thinks about Tim, about the joy he felt when he woke up next to him just ten minutes ago, and another memory comes to him, a memory of him smiling so adorably Hawk couldn't stop peppering him with kisses until Tim laughed, ticklish, and wrapped his arms around him tightly, preventing him from moving, not that Hawk wanted to move. He fell asleep in Skippy's arms, feeling safe and content.
Part 3 of FT Valentine's Month: how do I love thee, let me count the weeksā€¦
šŸ’š in the still of the night by @thewindyoubargainedfor | thewindyoubargainedfor [E, 2K] Tim stayed up, waiting for Hawk to call. Hawk made it worth his while.
šŸ’™ gold-skinned, eager baby by @lispenard-street | lispenardstreet [E, 10K] Tim sets out for Fire Island with a single goal: to dig Hawk out of his pit of self-destruction.
As it turns out, Hawk is after something else entirely.
A 1979 fix-itā€¦ of sorts.
šŸ’œ In your eyes, this is a place worth remembering. by @in-our-special-place |Ā  Cupping_Cakes [M, 630] Hawk stumbled into the room, his eyes blurry and his steps unsteady, but his gaze was fixed on Tim, as if he were the only thing that mattered. A wave of emotions washed over Tim, flickering between anger, hurt, and a longing desire to hold Hawk close one more time.
šŸ’— Where figures from the past stand tall And mocking voices ring above. by @in-our-special-place | Cupping_Cakes [M, 472] They held each other's gaze, their love speaking volumes more than any words ever could.
šŸ¤Ž To Wrap Your Love Around Me by @beyondxmeasure | Cyantific [T, 5K] Waking up in Timā€™s apartment, Hawk discovers Skippy's old robe, the same one from years ago, and the memories all come flooding back.
Tim doesnā€™t have much time left, will Hawk be brave enough to stay?
šŸ–¤ Beguiled Again by @bluebellsinburbank | ConsumingLove (Bluebellstar) [G, 1K] Tim comes home late, finding Hawk asleep and wearing his shirt.
Part 6 of Bravery | Part 3 of FT Valentine's Month
šŸ’ I'll be there beside you, to dry your weeping eyes. by @in-our-special-place | Cupping_Cakes [M, 869] Frankie, the man he had loved and grown with through time. The man who had been by his side through all of life's ups and downs. The man who had never given up on him, no matter how lost or broken he felt.
ā¤ļø I'll Forever Love You by Anonymous [G, 602] Marcus slow dances with his love.
šŸ§” The Night Before The Road Trip by @vespersong | vespersong [T, 2K] So...we all know Hawk planned the trip to Rehoboth beach. Which means he probably packed a bag. But what about Tim? Was he stuck in that same shirt all weekend? Well, let's just say Hawk was prepared.
šŸ’› please tell me now by @thewindyoubargainedfor | thewindyoubargainedfor [G, 1K] When Marcus arrives in San Francisco, he knows the first thing he needs to do.
šŸ’š We'll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide. by @in-our-special-place | Cupping_Cakes [M, 706] 'I never told you this, but that was the best day of my life. I never felt so free and happy, like I could do anything with you by my side.'
šŸ’™ you should be in my space (you should be in my life) by @startagainbuttercup | startagainbuttercup [E, 3K] What if Tim let Hawk touch him during their mutual masturbation session?
Part 2 of FT Valentine's Month: how do I love thee, let me count the weeks...
šŸ’œ All Tied Up With Nowhere To Go by @jesterlesbian | captainquint [E, 2K] ā€œAre they too tight?ā€ Hawk asked, tugging on Timā€™s wrists.
Timā€™s wrists were, at that moment, bound to the headboard of Hawkins Fullerā€™s bed by some carefully knotted neckties. Tim was struck by the thought of Hawk wearing one of these ties to work on a later day, becoming distracted in his office thinking of what they had done with them on this night. His mouth twitched up at the corner.
ā€œHey, are you listening to me?ā€ Hawk placed a hand under his chin and tilted Timā€™s face towards Hawkā€™s own. ā€œThis is important, I donā€™t want to hurt you.ā€
Tim rolled his wrists and wiggled his fingers to show they were fine. ā€œIā€™m not made of glass, Hawk, you donā€™t have to treat me like Iā€™ll break.ā€
Or, Hawk teases a tied-up Tim
Part 2 of FT Valentine's Day 2024
šŸ–¤ No Expectations by @justviwriting | justviwriting [M, 3K] When Hawk wants to leave Tim in 1957, his plans are disrupted when Tim wakes up before he could walk out the door.
Part 5 of My Fellow Travelers Fanfics
šŸ’˜ the gold of the dusk and the dawn by @redmyeyes | redmyeyes [M, 3K] Valentineā€™s Day, 1954
PartĀ 4Ā ofĀ Fellow Travelers
šŸ¤Ž Me too byĀ @alorchik | alorchik [T, 1K] Hawk feels he can afford it now, here, with Tim.
ā¤ļø Where No One Else Can SeeĀ  by@bluebellsinburbank | ConsumingLove (Bluebellstar) [G, 2K] Marcus once said Hawk was a damn good liar. And the first step in being the best damned liar that ever set foot in Washington was the necessity of being able to lie to yourself.
Hawk had been lying to himself for so long - about so many things - even he didn't think he would know his own truth if it was laid bare before him.
Until soft brown eyes and a kiss that tasted like milk and eternity.
Until Skippy.
Or, How Tim's touch made Hawk realise a certain fact.
Part 2 of FT Valentine's Month
šŸ§” The World is Not Kind to Good Peopleā™¦ļø by @lovebunnie | space_kid [T, 727] Tim felt Hawkā€™s eyes on him whenever they were in the same room, not unlike the unrelenting gaze of God; all powerful, all knowing, something Tim ached for.
šŸ’› Stars fading but I linger on, dearĀ  by @cinnamoncountess | CinnamonCountess [E, 5K] Tulips, roses, lavenders, daisies and orchids ā€”
Tim closes his eyes for fleeting seconds as he passes the bayside and takes in the wide-ranging scent wafting over from the flower sales on each side of the road, drawing into his nostrils where it mixes with the salty sea odor from afar. It is that day of the year again that always squeezes on his heart like a fallen wall of bricks, burying him underneath.
šŸ’š Everywhere I look, you're all I see.Ā  by @in-our-special-place | Cupping_Cakes [M, 950] In that moment, all the pain, the hurt, and the years of separation melted away. It was just the two of them, lost in their own little world. And for Tim, it was all he ever wanted.
šŸ’™ Anywhere You Wander, Anywhere You GoĀ  by Anonymous [G, 1K] As he was now, the man he was now - Tim could not deny the longing in his heart. The need to close the distance between them again, to take his heart back into his arms.
Or, another cabin husbands dancing together fic.
šŸ’œ cheek to cheekĀ  by vexinganthonyšŸ’  [T, 2K] An extremely fluffy one shot about Tim singing at hawkā€™s behest.
Part 1 of valentineā€™s month prompts
šŸ’— UnforgettableĀ  by @justviwriting | justviwriting [T, 1K] Hawk and Tim dance together for the first time.
Part 4 of My Fellow Travelers Fanfics
ā¤ļø One DesireĀ  by @lovebunnie | space_kid [T, 1K] Tim instinctively stepped towards Hawk before stopping, "Hawk, I donā€™t-"
"You said music doesnā€™t sound the same," Hawk cut in. "I figuredā€¦ it doesnā€™t have to sound the same. Letā€™s make it sound better."
Part 1 of Fellow Travelers Valentineā€™s Day 202
šŸ§” Hold Me In Your ArmsĀ  by @bluebellsinburbank | ConsumingLove (Bluebellstar) [G, 1K] Tim entices Hawk to dance with him, and then sing for him.
Part 3 of Bravery | Part 1 of FT Valentine's Month
šŸ’› You're the one I want to go through time with. by @in-our-special-place | Cupping_Cakes [E, 773] 'Don't you need me, Skippy?' Hawk said softly.
'I have you,' Tim replied, his voice barely above a whisper.
šŸ’š with your kiss my life beginsĀ  by @startagainbuttercup | startagainbuttercup [G, 785] 4 times Tim and Hawk dance.
Part 1 of FT Valentine's Month: how do I love thee, let me count the weeksā€¦
šŸ’™ The Way We Danced Till Three by @jesterlesbian | captainquint [M, 2K] ā€œThere we go,ā€ Hawk said, as he found the jazz station he often liked to tune into. Billie Holiday crooned through the static, singing They Canā€™t Take That Away From Me. Hawk tilted the bottle toward Tim in offering, who took it and tossed back a large swig before coughing and spluttering on the sharp taste of the alcohol.
ā€œI donā€™t know how you do that,ā€ Tim said, shuddering and sticking out his tongue.
Hawk laughed and took the bottle back, placing it on the desk near the radio. ā€œLots of practice.ā€
ā€œDance with me, Skippy?ā€
Or, Valentine's Day, 1954
Part 1 of FT Valentine's Day 2024
Thanks to all the creators for your wonderful efforts, and to the readers for taking the time to enjoy and share these fics!
Thank you to @fellow-travelers-events for hosting this event.Ā 
Ao3 Collection šŸ’—
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katiifaestarot Ā· 9 months ago
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Before we start:
Thank you to that anonymous person/message i recieved last night regarding my previous tarot reading blog post, I only recieved one, but boy did it make me feel better about my current path and where i am headed! Thank you for taking the time to send that message, i greatly FKN appreciate it and it gave me confidence and drive to keep going today!! ā™”ā™”
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Hello friends, beings, and starlights! This is my third tarot reading on here and Im new to the tarot community (at least on this specific platform) and would like to help guide, give honest/TRUTHFUL advice, and be a safe space for anyone+everyone who feels safe here! šŸ§ššŸ½ā€ā™€ļøāœØļø
My goals/intentions are always to help others through my experience, to teach/guide them to work on themselves, and encourage them to find the strength, courage, discipline, and honest wisdom within themselves, without looking for outside validation!
** I AM NOT A MEDICAL OR HEALTH PROFESSIONAL; PLEASE USE YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT AND DISCERNMENT TO DETERMINE IF YOU NEED OR WANT TO SEEK PROPER HELP OR TREATMENTS FOR YOURSELF OUTSIDE OF TUMBLR OR SOCIAL MEDIA!!
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Today's reading is short, simple, sweet, and straight to the point: Messages you need to recieve for the New Month starting today! Feb 1st, 2024 ( sooo its not timeless but also is timeless b/c time is wacky and weird HA )ĖšŹšā™”ɞĖš
There are 4 piles and you will be picking through your pile's SPECIFIC Oracle Card! (may sound confusing, but basically, you're picking using the word associated with your pile's oracle card for today!!) which is right below this text! Feel free to look at the specific photos for each pile if you feel called too!
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āœØļøšŸ§ššŸ½ā€ā™€ļøplease choose your pile and may your intuition and inner knowing guide you to the pile with the energy most suited for you and most suited to help you along your path at this current point in time, no matter what that might sound likešŸ§ššŸ½ā€ā™€ļøāœØļø
PILE 1- Mindful
PILE 2- Soulful
PILE 3- Peace
PILE 4- Balance
** sometimes ( most of the time ) i will pick up on multiple energies that need attention or want to be expressed during the reading so i ASK YOU TO UNDERSTAND THIS DURING THOSE TYPES OF READINGS:
depending on how the reader chooses to look at the situation or however the situation resonates for the reader and because this is a general reading;
āš ļøyou HAVE to be able to use your better discernment + better judgement skills to fully absorb the message and be able to do the necessary work to keep you on track for the future you WANT for yourselfāš ļø
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PILE 1: Mindful
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New Month Message(s): FOCUS ON FILLING YOUR DAILY LIFE WITH QUALITY SITUATIONS, FOCUS ON BALANCING OUT YOUR LIFE AND YOUR INTERNAL HEAD SPACE, FOCUS ON CULTIVATING YOUR DESIRED FUTURE!!
Stop paying attention to people,places, or things that no longer matter. This new month is trying to teach you the lesson of mindfulness. Which means stillness.....which also essentially means meditating and not being afraid of silence. Patience.
Sometimes mediating can be standing on your front or back porch for 1-5mins in nature, absorbing what you're grateful for in that particular moment or letting go of someone/something which no longer brings you peace or no longer helps with cultivating healthier habits. ((Take it how it resonates but be aware there are soooo many more examples that could apply here as well, just use YOUR discernment and trust your intuition please!!))
The point is that meditating looks differently for everyone, or maybe the same sometimes!! But regardless, you must find a way to fully tap into the silence that will help you learn patience this month.
And yes this will take mental fortitude and strength on YOUR part to fully absorb + CREATE these moments that help you find balance, rest, MINDFULNESS, resiliency, PATIENCE, etc. But that word create is important here b/c, YOU HAVE TO BE PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW YOU FEEL, WHAT YOU NEED, WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOUR BODY NEEDS/WANTS, WHO IS AROUND YOU, etc!!!! to even CREATE a space or CREATE time for yourself that focuses on the practice of mindfulness.
(( some of you have to be willing to admit that you might need some proper rest first before you can even BEGIN a mindfulness routine for yourself that will stick!! ))
YOU have to do the work or else you wont see the changes you want. YOU also have to accept things for how they are now and be willing to see your mistakes and do better.
This month will be huge for you, if you allow yourself to fully feel what needs to be released, start cultivating mindfulness for your future endeavors, and just resting. Just rest and allow yourself to feel the flow of life while also understanding: You are a human, who is doing human things, and living a human expirence; So tap into the hope, strength, and wisdom that comes along with this journey called life.
Also dont be afraid to do things differently!! Maybe you're the trendsetter of the century ;)
This month is all about believing in yourself pile 1, So Just Do It !!!!!!
Things to do OR look into this February:
Yoga or Meditations on YouTube, Going out to classes that focus on Meditation or Yoga in the real world, REIKI, Listening to chakra meditations while you sleep ( specifically getting sacral + solar plexus chakras ), Taking walks in nature to appreciate things around you.
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PILE 2: Soulful
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New Month Message(s): TAP INTO YOUR DEPTH, TAP INTO THE PRIDE YOU FEEL FOR YOURSELF AND HOW FAR YOU'VE COME, TAP INTO YOUR MOST LOVING, AUTHENTIC, RAWEST FORM!
Pile 2, this month is all about being authentic(soulful) WITHOUT FEAR! dont let your fears or doubts hold you back from doing or being what you want/need for yourself right now!
Collaboration could be HUGE this month if you're willing to change how you view yourself, your skills, your abilities, your achievements, your- etc!!! Focusing on building yourself up instead of tearing yourself down will make new possibilities and opportunities happen for you.
Stop doubting and playing the victim! Its time to stand tf up and CELEBRATE YOURSELF!! You have done alot of work and gone through HEAVY situations to get yourself to here and now. So BE FULLY AND TOTALLY proud of yourself for how far you have come and get excited for more!!!
You know life isnt fair to good people sometimes, so why dwell or wallow when you could just as easily Journal about w/e is or was bothering you and let that SHIIIZZZ gooooo!!!
Dont carry unnecessary burdens. Tap into your passion, your drive, YOUR DETERMINATION!! flourish in your authentic and soulful self! Dont be afraid of showing up how you've always wanted to show up in the world! Its okay to be different, cooky, wacky, WEIRD!!! as long as you're happy......who gives a FDDUCK!
CERTAINLY NOT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO BUSY BEING YOUR WONDERFUL, INSPIRING, RICH IN ABUNDANCE SELLLF TO CARE!!
You're ready to take on life and all its battles, you are a fighter-WARRIOR- and truthfully life only gets tougher, but it also gets easier to deal with once you trust yourself to handle anything that MIGHT come your way by utilizing your skills and abilities for your betterment instead of using your preceptiveness as a way to hurt yourself or tear you down.
Things to do OR look into this February:
journaling, dressing up however you want, going out and expirencing something new, do something you're afraid of doing, sit with your accomplishments and thank yourself for how far you've come but also acknowledge the road to your future in some way.
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PILE 3: Peace
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New Month Message(s): DONT CHASE BUT ATTRACT WHAT YOU DESIRE, FOCUS ON YOUR NEEDS, CULTIVATING EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES // BETTER BOUNDARIES IN GENERAL!!
Pile3, you're so soft, nurturing, kind, gentle, nice, and so many more wonderful words but you're also stubborn(>_<)
Its not about the outside, its about the inside. Refocusing your attention on what you NEED to calm your mind and what you NEED to balance out your dreams with your reality, etc.....will do wonders for manifestations coming in or out!
You're beautiful pile 3, and this month is asking you to focus on yourself before going out and trying to fit new people in your life. Focus on the ones you have now that give you care, attention, and love in healthy ways********* while also getting rid of people that dont respect you or deserve your kind and compassionate energy.
This month is about Tapping into your emotions and understanding that EXPRESSING your emotions will ultimately bring you closer to what you desire....but you have to forget about what you want. Focus on what YOU NEEEEEEEED!!!!!
Dont chase, Attract means believing that what you want(deserve) wont pass you by, and the more you enjoy your own company and get to know yourself deeper, the more you can appreciate things around you and maybe even find that SP or New Job or NEW ANYTHING!!
save yourself for the correct people, but first you must do the necessary work inside yourself to even trust yourself enough to show up infront of the correct people authentically and unapologetically too.
work on maintaining and setting the healthy/proper boundaries within yourself to help you express any or ALL boundaries you will have with other people later in life! Dont be afraid, use your voice! If someones reaction is less then pleasant when enforcing a boundary......leave. They dont appreciate or respect you.
Seriously get rid of any negative self talk or negative people/energies in your life! Stay calm and present as you navigate who needs to go and what in your mind also needs to go.
Things to do OR look into this February:
feeling your raw emotions without shame, saving money, shifting perspectives, taking self-care days seriously, more YOU TIME! setting and maintaining boundaries, releasing the anger, sadness, hurt, or all of the PAST IN GENERAL!! Forgiveness is key--either towards yourself or someone else.
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PILE 4: Balance
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New Month Message(s): BALANCE YOUR MIND TO BALANCE YOUR SURROUNDINGS, HEART NEEDS SOME HEALING, HERMIT MODE NEEDS TO BE ACTIVATED SO YOU CAN FOCUS ON YOURSELF WITHOUT DISTRACTION!!
okaaayy pile 4 :(, im.sorry for any loss or heartbreak you may have suffered recently or in the past that still affects you and your mental state.
But its time to move on. Maybe not forgive, just yet, but a release needs to happen so you can fully enjoy your life again.....or even just enjoy YOUR energy again.
This will require a hard stop and HARD look into what is causing imbalances in your daily life. Continuing to walk away from old cycles, patterns, ways of being, ways of doing, comfortability that keeps your complacent, fears, doubts, etc. Will ultimately help you keep a balanced mind and calm demeanor too.
Allow the hurt to wash over you first, of course....but your self care this month is fundamentally about bringing back balance to your life that has grown overcrowded with too many commitments and responsibilities.
Which is why You NEED to take either a mini hermit mode ( if you can//when you can ) or a HUGE HERMIT MODE!!! so that the hermit mode will afford you with opportunities to get rid of what no longer needs to be bothering you and help you focus on what NEEDS your attention.
Feeling suspended or stuck right now might make you feel uncomfortable, but working through the uncomfortableness to ultimately get yourself to movement on the other side will be so worth the lonely nights and harder ones too. Once again, i am truly sorry but i also believe you can get through this too!
Things to do OR look into this February:
reading that book you have, reading a completely new book, try a new recipe!, make space for quiet time for yourself, look into those projects you've been wanting to make progress in, making time and putting effort in yourself!
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I sincerely hope you received what you needed and released what you don't !! See you again soon!! Take it easyyy and just breathe and fllooowwww!!! you got this! byyeee~šŸ§ššŸ½ā€ā™€ļøāœØļø
**please let me know how I'm doing in any way you can! that is the easiest way to support me and also a good way to signal to me that I should keep going + any helpful advice from the community would be welcomed and appreciated šŸ„ŗ šŸ„¹ šŸ™šŸ¼
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**ONCE AGAIN, I AM NOT A MEDICAL OR HEALTH PROFESSIONAL; PLEASE USE YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT AND DISCERNMENT TO DETERMINE IF YOU NEED OR WANT TO SEEK PROPER HELP OR TREATMENTS FOR YOURSELF OUTSIDE OF TUMBLR OR SOCIAL MEDIA!!
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loopylululandofthefree Ā· 3 months ago
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I'm so bored all THE TIMEEE
I can't even do digtal art. I've been using my brothers laptop and I gotta delete progress for space šŸ˜­
Imma need to get a second hand/refurbished tablet or laptop or something like how am I gunna job hunt and do school in this economy I'm just a wee lass and summer break coming to an end tumblr please give me your wisdom
I need a life plan šŸ˜­
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thefallennightmare Ā· 1 month ago
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Hey there!
I just wanted to say I'm amazed at how you handle the anon hate with class and grace. It blows my mind at how hateful people can be, especially when they can hide behind being on anon (I see the irony in me being on anon now too lol)
Sometimes as an elder millennial, I feel too old for this fandom and too old for tumblr lol. But out of all the fandoms I've been a part of during the years across various social media apps, this little community right here has been the nicest and most welcoming. I've been here less than a year and haven't talked much to anyone, but the few interactions I've had have been very polite and respectful and sometimes very funny.
I've seen the hate you and other blogs/writers have posted about and it disgusts me. I haven't gotten involved in any of the discourse because I try to keep my vibes positive and friendly. But now I just wanna say something to you and your fellow writers - please don't stop writing or give in to the hate and negativity. Yes, their words hurt and are discouraging but for every "hater" you have, you have many more people who love and support you and your work, please choose to focus on that. I can't speak for everyone but I choose to read your stories as a way to escape from the real world, so I thank you for sharing your talent and creativity with all of us.
And if any haters are lurking, I politely ask that you please find something better to do with your time. Fic writers and fic readers are literally hurting no one, so direct your vitriol elsewhere. Don't shame others for reading and writing fics, when other people in this fandom and other fandoms have done worse things to celebrities. I hope that whatever is bothering you and causing you to be so hateful is resolved and you can find peace and positivity in your life. Treat people with kindness.
Sorry this got so long but I felt like I needed to speak up and offer my elder millennial wisdom lol šŸ˜…
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WELP HERE I AM CRYING!
Thank you so fucking much for this long and lovely message. It was something I needed after these last couple of days! I also stay on the good side of the fandom because there are SO many wonderful and lovely people here. I've met so many amazing people, and I am so thankful to call them my friends. I do my best to ignore all the anon hate messages I get but sometimes, I feel the need to defend myself and my blog(which seems to be a lot more recently).
I will never turn off my anon option because a lot of my followers love the option to remain on anon because it's what they're comfortable with. I refuse to let some miserable person who chooses to throw hate on anon ruin it for others.
I am choosing to always focus on every single one of you who always loves and supports me rather than the few who have nothing better to do than to spew unnecessary hate.
And one thing I ALWAYS say is "kill em with kindness."
Also, my inbox is always open! Feel free to pop in anytime and we can chat about whatever! My blog is a safe space for everyone. šŸŖ½šŸ–¤
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