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auroramoondrop · 2 years ago

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Day 1 of Nocumvember: First time

(Sorry for being inactive, I have writers block with a request and energy is just taken from me. Couldn't write kinktober so im writing something for November!)

Chewing on nails and bouncing leg.

My nerves were everywhere, Sevika and I have been dating for 7 months. She was an amazing lover, with a cocky attitude but loving, she was protective and treated me with so much care. I really couldn't have asked anyone else, she was perfect, but, I only wish I can be perfect for her too.

When I heard Sevika used to be a regular at the brothel, I was pretty overwhelmed, wondering with questions, 'will I be able to satisfy her?' 'is she going to the brothel in secret because I won't give it to her?'

I was just frightened, im not experienced in the slightest, and this fine, tall, beautiful, brute of a woman, has fucked for the longest damn time. Nonetheless, tonight I'll question Sevika. Every time she comes out of the shower built by Roman's talented artist, with chiseled abs, short ebony hair, a strong nose, her stature, her mechanical arm with beautiful technical work, her appearance is mouth-watering and eye-popping.

I sat on the couch "watching" a boring show. The noise doesn't deter my thoughts as I hoped, the door opening did though. Sevika walked in with a cockier attitude, and once she saw you, her grin grew and her cigar dangerously tipped over. Ashes falling off onto her boot.

"Hey, sweet thing." Shivers, her voice was deep as usual but it had more effect after your thoughts just minutes ago. I stood up and faced Sevika, I pulled her by her warm metallic hand, and she stumbled over to the couch. She plops down and looks at me in surprise. "What's the rush baby?" Sevika cocked her eyebrow at me, I feel embarrassment rush to my cheeks.

Sevika pulls me to her, she looks deep into my eyes with slight concern. Fuck I need her.

"Babe? You alright?" You slam your eyes shut and clamor.

"Sevika, I really want you to fuck me!" Her eyes went wide. It was a moment of pure lull, you start to stutter an apology but you were halted by the woman.

"I wasn't trying to make you correct yourself, I was just shocked. Are you sure you want to do this love? You have all the time in the world to decide." I shook my head profoundly. She chuckled at my antics. "Well, let's come up with safe words you can use, okay doll?"

After a couple of minutes of talking about what to do if I don't want it, she carries me to the bedroom. Sevika's gentleness made my heart flutter. She laid me on the bed and hovered over me, her hand trailing up my stomach, leaving goosebumps and flushed skin.

Her hand traces my shirt and looking deep into my eyes, her velvet voice spoke out to me.

"May I, love?" I couldn't get a real response out, only pathetic noise kin to a whimper. Sevika snickered, her cute tooth gap showing. She pulls the fabric over my head and throws it somewhere, now hungry gaze focused on my breasts.

Her large hands groped your breasts making you let out a lewd moan, her head lowers, Sevika's hot breath hitting your sensitive buds, making them harden. She drags her tongue painfully slow on your hardened buds, you can feel yourself shuddering from her wet tongue. Her calloused hand continues its assault with the other breast, the sensation becomes slightly overwhelming.

You could feel yourself getting extremely wet and particularly needy.

"Sevika...please!" Her lips pull into a tight smug, and to your dismay, she continues to torture you. You whine and squirm underneath her.

"What's got my baby all worked up? Cant, you see im busy?" Sevika holds eye contact with you with an expected look, you were perplexed until you came to the realization.

"Sevika..I need you. Please Sevika I can't stand it." She runs her finger over your flushed cheek, her voice goes an octave lower, and the heat coming from your pussy was very hot.

"I think a sweet thing like you can beg better. Beg for it sweet girl, tell me what you need me to do." You downright moan, the embarrassment catching up to you, at this point you didn't care anymore.

"Please Sevika! I fucking need you, I need you to please me, please Sevika!" Your sudden shout caused Sevika to look shocked at first, you were almost worried. But that worry was taken away when you heard a deep groan, a growl if mistaken.

"You want me to take care of you baby? Want me to make my princess feel good? I'll make sure you are treated right, you won't be able to properly walk after im done fucking you so much." Sevika's hands traveled down the valley of your breasts, your soft stomach, then to the peak of your abdomen.

She twists your black underwear, her thumb caressing the material. Such tender action made your heartbeat faster, it lasted for a few seconds before she tears the fabric off. You gasp softly, Sevika threw it to the floor.

Her hands drew up to your heat, she softly pulled your lips apart, the sweet musk and heat were visible. You held your breath, and your hands crept to her head, running your fingers in her hair you pull her towards you.

With one last sly look from her, she dipped her head between your legs, her tongue testing the waters. Sevika circled your clit with her warm tongue, you let out a soft moan, and your hands pulled her closer.

Her tongue entered your hot cunt, pushing it as far as it would go, licking at your soft walls. You let out babbles and incoherent speech, and Sevika groans in your sopping pussy. The vibration from her deep voice made you moan louder.

The feeling of the coil in your stomach, swiveling tight. Something intense to pull you into the deep of euphoria. In the pleasure of her tongue, your breath hitched when you felt a finger prob your hole. You look down into Sevika's gray orbs, the soft look on her face makes your fingers tremble.

"Can I enter, sweet babe?" Your hand holds her metallic hand that rests on your thigh. Her metal thumb caresses your soft hand. A smile forms on your lips and you nod. Sevika's thick middle finger enters you very slowly, a choked gasp comes out of your mouth.

The stinging pain was all you could feel, she went knuckle-deep and waited patiently. Sevika kissed your soft stomach, leaving lasting buttery kisses on your stretch marks. Once the pain subsided, you tap her metal hand, she looks up for your final last answer. After being convinced, she slowly beings moving.

The tip of her thick finger pressing on your g-spot, how it rubs against your walls. You kept babbling and being a moaning mess, you jolt a little when you feel a second finger enter you. The pace picked up faster, the louder your moans and whimpers became.

You yell when you feel Sevika giving attention to your clit with her tongue. You were so fucking close, tears well up in your vision, your voice scathed from yelling. You couldn't think of anything else except the ecstasy, you felt your stomach tightening again.

Like Sevika can tell, she goes even faster than you imagine. You roughly pull her hair while half-screaming, she groans loudly into you and that's when it snaps. A silent scream comes from you, vision turns white, knees locked around Sevika. The pleasure you felt was like a very light cloud, nothing can get you off this high you felt.

You come down and whine when she is still going. She slows down her movements and pulls out gently, her large organic hand tilts your chin up and she passionately kisses you. The kiss was delicate, scared to cause harm but to leave you breathless, unfortunately, she ends it by going to the bathroom.

Your eyes start to close immediately, and your energy plummeted. As slumber comes, you let out a terrible squeak when you feel a warm rag smoothly cover everything. She throws it to the side and strips into her night clothing, Sevika crawls to you and scopes you up with delicate touches.

Her warm hand brushes your hair out of your face and she places a warm kiss on your cheek.

"Go to sleep babydoll. I can tell you are tired. I'll be right here, im not going to leave you, you're safe with me." You close your eyes as Sevika whispers affirmations, her warm muscular body beneath you and her rubbing your face.

The awkward asking was totally worth it for sex in your opinion.

#sevika #arcane #sevika x reader #sevika x y/n #sevika x you #arcane fluff #arcane smut #sevika arcane #sevika smut #sevika fluff #aftercare #first time

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reidsnose · 4 years ago

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love letters

overview: spencer has a wonderful idea after finding out that reader had never gone to her senior prom

genre: fluff fluff fluff

a/n: i mixed two ideas that have been sitting in my notes app for this lol but i think its sweet!! i wrote it a little rushed and definitely not bc im not getting a prom this year due to miss rona👀 LMAO but as always please lmk what yall think ab it :)

masterlist

the idea had fully occupied his thoughts the second after the words left your mouth.

it was "the buttcrack of dawn" as you had called it, though spirits were high on the late jet ride home. it was a rare but much needed positive end to the case, and everyone was happily chatting with each other. since the case was involving high schoolers, the subject fell on prom. everyone went around sharing their prom stories one by one, recalling awful dresses and questionable dates til the questions turned to spencer.

"what ab you, pretty boy, what was your prom like?" morgan asked, still smiling widely from recalling his own.

you watched spencer shift uncomfortably for a second.

"i uh..i never went to prom." he stammered, a tight lipped smile on his face.

"no! you just dont wanna tell us!" prentiss cried, throwing her hands in the air.

"i graduated high school when i was 12! why would i have gone to prom?" he reasoned.

"you had to have gone when you were older or something! everyone has!" jj countered.

"thats not true, i never went to prom either," you defended, subconsciously inching closer to spencer.

before anyone could even ask you to explain why, spencer got the idea. he mentally left the conversation after you gave your answer. he spent the whole rest of the ride home and the next couple of weeks brain storming and planning.

and casually after work one day, as he was walking you to your car, he asked you if you wanted to hang out with him that weekend; at his house.

you and Spencer had hung out before, but mostly at your house or at coffee shops; he didn't invite people over very often.

of course you agreed but you grew confused when he told you to dress fancy.

you raced home afterwards to raid your closet, looking for any fancy dresses you may have stuffed in there.

spencer spent the whole day preparing his apartment. he put up streamers and balloons. he made a playlist of all your favorite songs. and then he rushed to get his clothes from the cleaners.

and when you knocked at his door the breath that left your lungs struggled to come back after he opened the door.

he stood in a gorgeous suit, different than he had ever worn to work. he rubbed the back of his neck and gestured to the living room, revealing the adorable (albeit poorly made but its the thought that counts) decorations.

"um.. welcome to prom," he said, turning back to you, revealing a blushy smile.

he tried not to stare too much at you, but it was difficult. your eyes sparkled as you stepped inside and looked around. and the dress you were wearing fit you so gorgeously he truly couldnt take his eyes off of you.

"spencer, i..." you trailed off, enchanted by what he had done.

"sorry if it looks bad. or if you think its weird that i did this. i just thought cause neither of us went to prom maybe you wanted to have a little one with me? yeah now that i say it out loud maybe you hate it im sorr-" he rambled behind you.

you turned quickly to him as he got lost in his words, eyes glued to the floor. cutting him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him as tight as you could. you could feel the tension leave his body as he melted into the embrace, returning it gladly. he doesn't like to be touched by anyone really, except for you.

"i love it. thank you," you whispered, giving him one last squeeze before letting go.

he has a spread of snacks lying out on the coffee table which he has mooved to the corner of the room to make space for a makeshift dancefloor.

he turns on the music and you two start talking and dancing and laughing. two fools with four left feet completely and obliviously in love. well, oblivious the the other anyway.

a slower song came on, an old one that you had wanted to slow dance to ever since you were a little girl. and somehow naturally you two came together, his hand dropped to your waist, the other delicately cradling your own. your other hand found its way up to his shoulder, feeling as though a magnet was pulling you two closer. and closer.

he looked absolutely stunning. the soft lights he had strung around the apartment sparkled like stars in his eyes; its was...dizzying, in the most incredible way.

unbeknownst to you, as you stared at the stars in his eyes he was looking at his whole world that he had been somehow lucky enough to hold in his arms.

he held his arm out, allowing you to spin and when he pulled you back both of your arms ended up wrapped around his neck, and his around your waist. you were less dancing now and more...hugging. with your head pressed to his chest, he hoped with all his might that you wouldn't be able to hear his hammering heart. you most definitely could, but it was calming to know he was as nervous as you were. you smiled, listening more to his heart than the music he had played for you.

you were both sure that you could burst from pure bliss. the song ended a little too quickly for either of your liking and reluctantly you let go of each other. and suddenly Spencer was hit with the realization that he forgot something.

"oh my gosh," his eyes widened as he looked around the room.

"what?" you asked, mirroring him and looking as well.

"i can't remember where i left your corsage! i was gonna give it to you at the door but i forgot!" he exclaimed, running around the room checking shelves.

you smiled to yourself. he got you a corsage!

"ill help you look" you decided.

"please do," he chuckled.

"i thought you had an eidetic memory, shouldn't you know where you left it?" you joked, shooting him a smug smile.

"y/n, my brain was all jumbled to day and it wasn't just from being around you," he realized what he had said and quickly turned back to the shelf he was looking at, "could you check in my room please?"

his heart was racing at his own stupidity; how could he just say that so nonchalantly? he had been planning to tell you that he liked you for the longest time he cant afford slipping up and having it be anything less than perfect.

you slipped into his room, your cheeks warm from the idea that you make his big brain all jumbled. he probably didn't mean it like that, you were just looking too much into it.

you sighed as you crouched to look under his bed for it. you found a small wooden box that you slid out from underneath. it had your name on it.

is it normal to keep a corsage in a wooden box? you wouldn't know, you never went to prom.

you shrugged your shoulders, "i found it spence!"

with out thinking you opened the box, except instead of a band of flowers you were greeted with letters, all addressed to you. there were annotations written in the margins with purple ink. you furrowed your eyebrows as you scanned the various letters.

dear y/n,

today you complimented my glasses and my heart skipped a beat. thats dumb spencer dont start like that

dear y/n,

im in love with you. too forward

dear y/n,

you make life worth living. shes gonna think youre a creep

you felt a rush of euphoria fill your chest. did he really feel these things for you? your thoughts swirled in the most wonderful way. a wide smile broke across your face, butterflies running rampage through your stomach as you reread his words. his words addressed to you.

"oh thank God i really thought i lost-oh. oh no." spencer started as he walked through the door of his room immediately walking back out. you followed, blinking your watery eyes at him. "i can explain.

"i think youve explained enough, theres like 20 letters in here!" you chuckled, flipping through them.

"i didnt know how to tell you and i dont want to ruin what we already have and i-"

"it wasnt too forward." you stated, grabbing one of the letters.

"what?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"in this one," you held up the letter, "you wrote dear y/n, im in love with you. and then you crossed it out and wrote that it was too forward but i dont think it was."

"youre not mad?"

"mad? spencer ive been trying to admit the fact that im in love with you since i realized it myself, why would i be mad?"

"youre..you feel the same way?" he looked back up at you, a hesitant smile pulling on the corners of his lips.

"more so," you beamed, stepping closer.

he wrapped his arms around you, "thats good or else the rest of this prom would have sucked."

you chuckled, pulling him impossibly closer to you as another perfect song played.

ultra mega super cool taglist

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni @luvspence @calm-and-doctor @ssavanessa22 @singularityjc @sydnee-kom-spacekru @sydneekomspacekru

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baecvlt · 4 years ago

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Better Late than Never

in which the reader was set up on a blind date by Sonia Nevermind with Kazuichi Soda

• Kazuichi Soda x Reader

• fluff

• fem reader

• original idea <33

BTW YALL this might sound accidentally self insert-ish but that’s because I gave the character interests (since this is a date fic) but I dont know anything else to put for them. anyway enjoy still.

“So, there’s no one there?”

I glared at her, death staring into her clear, blue eyes. “What the fuck is ‘there’?”. She sighed and lightly hit my arm. “I’m asking you if you have a crush, silly!,” she spat, yet her tone remained friendly. I shook my head. “I don’t find any of these people attractive, Sonia”.

“So you wouldn’t go out witj a classmate?”

“No, Sonia”

She stays silent, suddenly darting her eyes at Hajime. “How about him,” she asked,“Hagime seems like a nice guy”. I shrugged. “Not my cup of tea, really”. She then points at Teruteru,“And him?”. I looked at Teruteru, who was already gawking me. “God, no, Sonia,” I gagged,“Too perverted for my liking”. She then began listing names. Here is what I had to say for all of them.

Hajime: Boring

Nekomaru: LOUD

Fuyuhiko: Mean and short

Nagito: Psycho!

Eventually, she gave up. I didnt feel any way of them, who’s to know how I feel about anyone else at this school? “Fine,” she said, but her eyes lit up,“Oo! How about-”.

“Oof!”

He had bumped into me, knowing me to the floor. Kazuichi Soda: the Ultimate Mechanic. “Yeah, him!,” Sonia said. I looked at Kazuichi, disgust on my face. “Not in a million years”. “Huh?” (Kazuichi was madly confused). Sonia grumbled,“What’s wrong with him?”.

“What isn’t there wrong with him? He also doesn’t bathe!”

“Ouch, I bathe,” he said. “Why were you in such a rush anyway?,” I asked. He shrugged, but eventually sighed and revealed his reason. “I got excited,” he said softly. Sonia and I were confused.

“I just got updated on my— something. I’m going to the office to see what they have to tell me about this thing I’m in the middle of”

I was confused, but I had to know now. “Anyway, I’m sorry,” he said, walking right past us. I stood there, but Sonia got my attention. “Come on, we’re gonna be late to Economics”. She grabbed my arm and pulled me to class. When we got there, everybody was huddled up. There was something they were being discreet about. “Hello, friends,” Sonia said,“What are we talking about?”. “Kazuichi,” Ibuki said without the slightest hesitation.

Okay, maybe not that discreet.

“What’s wrong with him?,” I asked,“Besides all that, I mean”. “Cut him some slack,” Hajime said, now I knew the situation was a little more sensitive than I thought. Sonia and I both got our chair to listen. Hajime sighed,“This morning, I woke up and went to get Kazuichi for class. He wasn’t in his room. Later that day, I went go check on him and he was in his room, but when I opened the door, his eyes were just read and tired. I asked him is all was well, he only nodded and smiled. It took a while, but he still told me he was okay, now adding in the detail that the board had gotten back to him on his request to be transferred elsewhere”. My mouth dropped slightly. “Transferred where?,” I asked, Hajime only shrugged.

“This is all Sonia’s fault!”

We looked at Hioyoko, Sonia quick in defending herself. “He wouldn’t transfer schools because of me, it’s probably all your fault,” she was defensive,“Maybe if you weren’t so mean to him all the time—”. Suddenly, arguing broke out. I heard many things. Hajime said he hasn’t shown interest in her lately, Sonia seeming slightly offended. Gundham was blamed, Ibuki wasn’t being blamed (she was never cold with him). Suddenly, Mikan spoke out. “Wait!”. She yelled, so we were quiet. Surprised by her tone, it made us all shut up. “What if it’s all our faults?,” she suggested,“Y-You didn’t have to be cold to him. Who else besides Ibuki or Hajime spoke to him without immediately judging character?”. It made me think, but suddenly Fuyuhiko spoke. “Fuck that!,” he said,“The dude probably wasn’t enough to be here so they dropped him. He was also probably too embarrassed to say that. And the eyes? Please! They were red because he might be some type of pothead; high out of his mind!”. “That’s a really shitty thing to say,” Hiyoko said,“Even *I* know that’s harsh”.

“I don’t give a fuck; Its true”

Hajime shook his head,“I’m gonna agree with Mikan”. “Wait isn’t it like extremely hard to transfer from this school?”. “No, not quite,” Chiaki said,“When given valid reason, the board can transfer a student elsewhere”. “If in fact the mistreatment of Kazuichi was the reason he sought transfer,” Peko added,“He probably went with ‘mental health concerns’. Since we’re all of age, he wouldn’t need to run it by a parent or guardian, making it much easier for him to transfer”. There was silence. “So what now?,” I ask. Hajime had a quick answer,“We treat him better”. “Is it not too late?”. Peko shook her head.

“If Kazuichi really went to simply be spoken about the appeal, students are given three days to make their final decision. Afterwards, there is no going back since students are allowed an appeal once”

We all still sat there. Were some of us actually cold towards him? I mean, everyone else in the academy didn’t even acknowledge him (neither did some of us, but we were around more, right?). “Alright, studebts, to your seats now!”. The professor being there had us scurrying away from Hajime’s desk. Throughout the whole class, I couldn’t focus. I kept thinking of Kazuichi, but why? Why did I care about him leaving so much?

The bell rang, Sonia waited for me. Econimics was our last class every Thrusday. The minute I was within her reach, she continued the conversation from earlier today. “So, I was thinking: you can’t talk to boys for shit,” she said. “And?”.

“What if I set you up on a blind. date.— huh? How about that?”

I sneered. Blind dates—they were such a tacky idea to me, what the fuck, but this was Sonia. She always new what was best for me when it came to, well, everything. Plus, it might be fun, or funny?

“Oh, what the hell. I’ll give it a try”

Sonia smiled so hard, her eyes shut. She squealed. “I cant wait,” she said,“I promise, this’ll be good for you. Just you wait!”. She kissed me on the cheek, leaving me behind. “Wait— we aren’t going home together?,” I asked. She shook her head. “I have some things to take care of! See you tomorrow, love”. She hurries her way. That girl. I’ll never understand her…

“Hey, how’s it going? … Nice … Well, now that you ask, I was wondering if you were open to a blind date? … Splendid! Friday, agree to meet with this girl, here’s her number … Let’s make things more interesting … Don’t tell her your name … Yes, you do know her”

I got home, setting my book bag down and practically collapsing onto my mattress. What a day. Before I got in thought about all that I was told today, as if on cue, my phone rang. It was a message, one from a number I had never seen before.

???: Hi :)

I was friendly, I didn’t have to be.

Me: Hello :)

As if a second cue went off, Sonia texts me.

Sonia: Has your blind date messaged you? btw make up a name! dont reveal anything !

Me: OH okok

I return back to the unknown sender.

Me: sonia put you up to this ?

???: yes, ma’am (or sir, or i have no clue. sonia said you were a girl. sorry)

Me: hey dont worry, sonia said she was setting me up with a guy, so i assumed too. i am a girl and being called ma’am doesn’t bother me.

???: well you assumed correctly, but thank you for letting me know, ma’am i get unsure.

???: anyway, what’s ur name?

I thought of a good, normal name, but nothing occurred to me. I looked all around my room for an object. Suddenly, my eyes landed on the family camera I had left in my room whenI used it for a project.

Me: my name is cam, hbu

???: Zero

Me: Is that really your name?

Zero: no but it makes sense to me

Me: wdym?

Zero: itd just me i guess

Me: ur gonna make me sad booo

Zero: oops, sorry !

Me: lol Its fine. but seriously, I know there is someone who cares about you. if anything Is wrong. you can talk to me, even if our date friday goes to shit :)

Zero: Yeahyesh thanks for that, Cam. its just my friends, i dont feel seen by them and it just feels like my parents have followed me.

Me: Well, they probably really love you. if it helps, I care about you :))

Zero: you’re very kind

Me: aw noooo. anyway, how was your day?

Zero: it coulda been better. yours?

Me: yeaaaa same here

Zero: what’s wrong?

Me: found something out ab a friend of mine.

Zero: is everything okay?

Me: Yea it all should be if I can fix things with him

Zero: you must really care ab him

Me: yea i really do

“Zero” decided it’d be best to change the subject since he figured it was slightly depressive (which it was). From the time I got home (4am) to 12am, we talked. I was excited because for once in my life, I was speaking to someone who liked the things I did. The same movies, the same bands. He listened to a lot of new wave and indie rock. Eventually, I got sleepy, so we called it a night. He called me cute and let me go to bed.

I actually looked forward to our date Friday. I didn’t care who he was, for he was perfect.

Morning came around and I just wanted to talk to him. In fact that’s all I did. We texted in homeroom, Theater, Calculus, etc. It was Friday today, meaning we’d have to meet today after school, thus revealing ourselves. Sonia and I were in calculus and she noticed I wouldn’t put my phone down. “God, someone’s obsessed,” she teased. “He means everything to me,” I said, breaking no eye contact with my screen. Sonia went to Kazuichi, who I have class with for Calculus, Government and Chem (which we both failed last year). I couldn’t care to break my focus on my screen, but I did head him mutter “she’s perfect”. So Kazuichi found someone else? That’s fine, but will she care enough to stop him from transferring? Could be be transferring for her?!

As the day grew the situation began getting fucking dire.

I was headed to my final class, chemistry. I had my phone in hand, texting away and very distracted. Suddenly, just like yesterday: “Oof!”. I was on the floor and above me? Kazuichi Soda. “I’m sorry, oh my god,” he said as he helped me up. I shook my head. “Nono, this time it’s my fault,” I said, dusting myself off,“I wasn’t paying attention”.

“I was also very distracted, heh”

I smiled, picking his phone up from the ground. His screen turned on, exposing that he had been listening to music. “Cocteau Twins”. I handed him his phone. “You like them,” I asked. He nodded,“Do you?”.

“Yeah, I do”

“Cool... where are you headed?”

“Chem”

“Why so early? There’s a whole hour and a half till we have to be there, plus the 5 minute tardy bell”

“I like being early. Where were you going?”

“My room,” he said,“I can’t find my chemistry journal, so I figured I should look for it before class”. “In your room?”. He nodded. For some sick and weird reason, I felt bad leaving him to do that on his own. “I can help you,” I blurted, almost instantly. His face lit up. “Really?!”. His overly joyed expression brought a smile out in me as well. “Yeah,” I answered softly. He grabbed my hand and ran with me up to his room, having me keep up with him. We got to his room as my heels skid slightly behind him. When opened the door and turned on the light, my jaw dropped.

His room was a complete and utter mess.

“Kazu- how is anything gonna get found in here?,” I asked, trying to keep my tone as calm as possible. “Its manageable,” he answered, entering and starting to look through all his junk,“I haven’t had the energy to clean my room anyway. It hasn’t really bothered me”. I shook my head as I walked in. “No, this isn’t right,” I said, an idea coming to mind,“Why don’t you lay there and rest up a little? I’ll clean your room”. His eyes lit up. “Really?”. I nodded, a warm smile creeping up on my lips. “Well, okay,” he answered,“Thank you, sweetheart”. I couldn’t even react to the pet name. His hat rested over his eyes as he quite literally fell asleep before my very eyes.

With that, I got to work.

Cleaning out his room, taught me a few things. He also happens to like the same films as I do, but he likes more action films. I also learned he has a much bigger wardrobe than I thought. Lastly, he isn’t as mess as I thought. He had everything one would need to clean, even owned a vacuum. It took me about 1 hour and 5 minutes to clean out. I hadn’t realized it was that long, time went by me like a breeze. I approached him and sat by him. In a pattern, I shook him carefully then played with his hot pink hair, which was softer than expected.

God, there’s something wrong with me.

He woke up and I removed the hat from over his eyes. He lay as he looked around, seeing his room uncluttered. “Wow, it’s like a brand new room,” he said happily. “Yep”. He sat up and smiled back at me. “Thank you,” he repeated.

“It’s nothing, really”

His voice was still groggy, I could tell he was a little dazed after his nap. He lay back and laughed to himself as we sat on his bed. “What?”. He shook his head as the lazy smile on his face grew slightly wider. “You’re really pretty”. I blushed a little, and laughed nervously. “Thanks”. He sat back up again, we both had no idea what to do now, but look at each other. It was a comfortable silence. I could forever into his oddly colored eyes.

I wanted him to kiss me, now.

I’ve truly lost my mind. I had no idea if it was just tension or anything but that. Would I like it or would I despise it. I decided to maybe test these waters, but before I could, he beat me to it. Out of nowhere, he grabbed my chin, pulling me to his lips. Kissing me skillfully, he lay back and I followed so I wouldn’t be away from him, leaving me straddling his lap. What a day to forget to wear shorts under my skirt. With how he kiss me and I kissed him, it was no secret we wanted this for a while now. The fact that I wanted this made my stomach knot. We pulled away, slightly winded. “That was so fucking hot”. I proceeded to tell him this never happened. He agreed it didn’t. Then he added:

“I’ve never done that before”

“Neither have I-”

Then, it hit me. Kazuichi was my first kiss.

“This must be a very shitty realization,” he said, laughing a little. “Shut up, let’s get to class”. He nodded, getting up from bed, seeing that his journal was on his now clean and visible desk. He picked it up and now we were ready to go. We were still early, despite distance and how crowded the halls were. We sat at our own table, usually we both sat alone since none of our friends had this class. We all knew each other, but we wouldn’t exactly call certain people friends. Anyway, during class, I was extremely bothered. I felt sick and I couldn’t stop thinking about that fucking kiss.

At all.

I really didn’t want him to leave. I couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving. I had to stop it, but why did I want to anyway. Is this pity? It didn’t feel like it; I can tell when I pity someone and this didn’t feel like pity. Could it be that he’s always been there?

I’ve never fallen in love before, nor caught feelings. Something about him felt so familiar. What has Kazuichi done for me?

I began to think and it all came to me. The times I had no one else to talk to so he’d be there, whenever someone has bailed on me I’d go to him. I’ve taken him for granted, yet he’s smiled through it all. To think I’d hurt him made me feel worse. “God, I hate this class,” he whispered to me. I broke away from my thought. “Oh, me too,” I answered,“How are you doing, though?”.

“In this class?”

I nodded. “Terrible”.

I mouthed an “oh”. After a second, I offered a solution. “Well, you can always ask me for help,” I said. “Seriously?,” his eyes lit up like when we were in his room. God his crooked, toothy smile had me smiling, it was intoxicating. “Yeah, come to me anytime,” I said, getting quiet. This was quite awful. On top of that, I remembered I had a date after today. I didn’t even want whoever the fuck I had to meet with. As planned by Sonia, we were to meet at the bridge in between dorms on the third floor at 7pm (mind you, I don’t have a room in this school so there really is no reason for me to stay so late). Now that I think about it, it really sounds like more of a meetup than a date. Maybe it wasn’t so important for me to meet this mystery man. I can just text him I was no longer interested.

And that’s what I chose to do.

After class, I bumped into Sonia. She smiled widely when she saw me. “Oh my god, Are you excited for tonight?!”. Here I am, bursting her bubble.

“No”

Her smile went down slowly. “Why not?,” she asked. “I’m not going”.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN’T GOING?”

That was probably the loudest she’s ever spoken. “I mean, I don’t want to”. “But this was important, what the fuck,” she seemed too upset about it. “I don’t want him,” I said,“I’m into someone else”. “WHO?”. I swallowed before the name came out of my mouth,“Kazuichi...”.She slapped her hand over her mouth. “I know its emba-”.

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M GONNA SAY, oh my god. You have to go still, don’t leave your blind date hanging, please. I’m begging you, please!”

I scoffed.

I nodded. “Fine, but I really cannot pretend to have a good time,” I said to her. Nodding frantically, she said she knows. Ultimately, it was my choice and she knew that. Sonia walked home with me, then said she would walk back with me when it came time to meet my blind date. She wanted be there for when he was revealed. I got a message from this man when I got home.

Zero: Hey, are you sure you want to meet?

I raised a brow and showed Sonia. She covered her mouth, but quickly told me to say yes. So that’s exactly what I did.

Me: Yeah

Zero: ok

“He isn’t into it,” I said, showing Sonia the messages. “He will be”. Damn, she was so dead set on this and for what? “Come on,” she said,“We should get going”. I nodded, getting up from the floor we sat on in my room. Locking up, we swiftly headed to the bridge.

It was dark by the time we got there.

“Hello?”

No answer. “Maybe wait a little,” Sonia suggested,“He gets shy”. I turned to her. “Do you know him?,” I asked. “Of course I do”. She must’ve misunderstood what I asked. “No, but do you know him know him,” I cleared up,“like is he close to any of us”. She nodded, now I was really curious. A couple minutes passed and he still wasn’t there. “See,” I said,“Fucking no-show!”. My hands clenched into a fist. Sonia was getting closer to me, looking as if she had some consoling words to say, but she stopped. Smiling, she backed away. Then, I heard footsteps behind me. She stepped away from me, nodding towards me, but that was just a signal for me to turn around. I heard a gasp,“You?”.

The familiarity of the voice—it all made sense now.

“You!,” I cried. My eyes watered as a smiling Kazuichi stood in front of me. I hugged him and I could tell he wasn’t expecting me. “God, I thought you’d hate me,” he sighed, relieved. I shook my head. “I’ll leave you to it,” Sonia said,“I have to go anyway; my ride’s here”. We waved her off, getting back to each other. “Wanna head into my room?”.

We headed into his room, snuck in, I’m not supposed to be here. He threw himself onto his bed as his hands made a gesture for me to get on. I straddled him like before and kissed him. “Someone’s excited,” he teased. I scoffed. “I’m not the only one”. His face turned red as he looked away. “Hey, Kazuichi? Can we talk”. He nodded, waiting for me to introduce the topic.

“Hajime and, well, everyone else including Sonia and myself were talking and—”

“Yeah?”

“That you’re leaving?”

“Oh... yeah. I am”

I frowned, getting off him, now sitting next to him. He looked upset now that he remembered. “It isn’t too late now, is it?”. He shook his read putting his hat on his bedside drawer (me thinks this is the first time I’ve seen him without a hat). “Tomorrow, I go confirm my decision,” he said,“I feel... miserable in Hope Peak. I don’t belong here”.

“Kazu...”

“You don’t know what it feels like not having anything in common with anyone. Everyone being so fucking distant”

“I do know how the first one feels, but... we have each other to relate to”

“I just hate how this school makes me feel and I want it to go away”

He shivered as his eyes began to water. It hurt so much to see him cry. I never have. “Baby, look at me,” I said to him,“We all love you, okay? I love you. I’m sorry for being so cold towards you this whole time. You were always there”. He stuck his head into my chest and just let everything go. I played with his hair as he got rid of emotion. I lay his head down and straddled him again. Quickly, I kissed all over his tear-stained face, the taste of salt persistent on my lips. The kisses got him riled up and giggly once again, making him tackle me. I fell back on the bed as he did the same to me. He smooched me on the lips before giving me his final word.

“I’ll think about it, okay?”

I nodded, not pressuring him. I wanted him to be so sure about staying. I also wanted him to know that if he did stay, I would be there, always. “You need a ride home?”, he asked. I could have gone home, but I didn’t necessarily want to. “Aw, don’t you want me to stay?,” I pouted. The way I said it was so playful it almost felt like teasing. He blushed frantically answering,“Yeah, I do”. I then realized I didn’t have clothes to sleep in.

And no, sleeping in underwear could never be an option. (Not yet, at least)

“Damnit, I don’t have clothes”. That’s when he opened his drawer and threw some sweatpants at me. “You have a shirt under that one, correct?,” he asked. I nodded, unbuttoning my school shirt. it was a silk black undershirt, could be used as an undergarment or sleepwear. “Hey, I’m just gonna go out to the communal to wash up, okay?”.

“That’s fine, baby”

He smiled, heading off with his toothbrush and towel. Once the door shut, I with a I slid off my socks. I then stood up and took off my skirt. The clothing fit me kind of snug, but I didn’t mind. I lay back and waited for him patiently.

His shower was quick, well, in my opinion it was. His hair gave off a brisk scent, as he lay next to me. His eyes looked weak as he hug his face into my chest. It wasn’t in a weird way or anything, so I simply assumed he was tired. “Are you sleepy, yet?”. He nodded, his face in deeper. “I’m really sleepy,” he said softly. I ran my fingers through his hair like before and let him sleep. Watching how at ease he was in my embrace soothed me to rest. According to Hajime, he was usually a light sleeper. The slightest touch or noise would wake him up. He would shift around or mumble in his sleep. This time, it was different.

It was peaceful.

The next morning, I woke up and put on yesterday’s clothes. When I got to putting on my shoes, I felt him move behind me. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” I said sweetly. “Good morning, angel,” he said, his voice straining as he stretched with a grunt,“Time?”.

“9:30”

He got up and threw on a pair of clothes that I have never seen him in. “You want a ride home?,” he asked,“I meet with the board today at 10. If I take you home now, I can make it back in good time”. I nodded, going hand in hand with him after he had put his shoes on.

I never knew Kazuichi drove. I recall him say he had terrible motion sickness, yet here he was driving me home in a borrowed car that had been worked on in the school’s auto shop class. I had nothing else to talk about and the silence was killing me. “So you can drive?”.

“I can drive”

“What about your motion sickness?”

He clicked his tongue. “Yeah, that’s always been there, always will be,” he began to explain,“but I’ve learned to ignore it”. He put his arm around me, smiling. I smiled, yet I was terrified. What if I wasn’t enough to make him stay? As he drove, I noticed he had nothing in mind. With Kazuichi, you can always tell when there’s something on his mind. Always. He’ll squint, mouth some words to himself...that’s how you know. It began to overwhelm me and I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry knowing there was possibly nothing I can say or do for him to stay. He may know I love him, but what if the timing was off?

Oh, well.

We arrived at my home, him walking me up to my doorstep. He kissed me, his smile dropping afterward. Fuck, he must’ve noticed... “Hey, is everything okay?”. I nodded. “Okay,” he said, uncertainty in his tone,“Well, text me if anything!”. I nodded, a faint smile on my face. I headed inside and lay in bed.

My memory of that Saturday and the Sunday that followed are fogged. I don’t remember leaving my room, let alone my house. Monday came around. I was nervous. I walked down the halls, Sonia standing and an expression of worry spread across her face. “Sonia,” I said,“What’s wrong?”. She gulped and I knew nothing positive would come out of this.

“Hajime hasn’t seen Kazuichi all day”

My eyes widened and I wanted to pass out. “No, that can’t be!”. I didn’t want to feel this. It was all guilt. Why, though? Everything seemed fine when we had last seen each other, it made no sense. “You haven’t talked to him?,” she asked. I shook my head. Sonia sighed. “Okay,” she began,“We have government today. Your only class with him. All we have to do is wait and then we’ll know for sure”. I nodded, trying not to let emotions get to me.

Now in government, I waited, We all did. None of us had heard a word from him. Soon enough, an hour passed: no Kazuichi. Tearful, my eyes shut as I placed my head on my table. Hajime walked up to me. “If its in any consolation at all,” he began,“Kazuichi really did like you. He loved you. I’m sure he knew you loved him”.

“Why the fuck do you make it sound like he’s dead?”

“I see how it would sound like so. I’m just gonna leave my words at that”

My eyes were burning and a headache began growing. Suddenly, there was pounding on thr door, pounding that startled the class. The teacher sighed. The knock was that of a late student, which obviously would’ve annoyed her considering this is a 65 minute class and it had been an hour or so. A student volunteered for the door and there stepped in a distressed Kazuichi.

“WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TEXT ME?!?”

I sniffled and my heart was beating out of my chest when I heard his voice and saw his face. “Kazuichi?!”. I ran up to him and hugged him, he was tense. “I was so worried,” he said. “That makes two of us”. I kissed him, he asked if I was okay and I nodded so frantically. “I didn’t text because I was sad!”. He hugged me tighter, kissing my forehead. I looked into his eyes, falling in love. Then I had realized one thing. “Wait”. He looked at me,“What’s up?”.

“WHY ARE YOU SO LATE?!”

“I HAD AN EYE EXAM!”

He walked to the teacher and handed her a doctor’s note. “You know I can’t mark you present right?,” she said. “You can’t mark me absent either, miss”. Yeah, he wasn’t the best student here. He walked back up to me and kissed me. “There’s like 2 minutes left,” he said,“Can we leave?”.

“Just go”

Being a nuisance paid off as we were all let out early. He grabbed my book bag and ran with me, pulling me by the hand. He took me to the back of the school, yeah, the very back behind the gym. I sat in his lap as he kissed me once more harder, now that no one was watching. I then faced him. “I thought you were leaving,” I whined. He ran his hands through my hair. “I was going to,” he said,“but I couldn’t do that to you, or to myself”. We sat in silence till I said,“Who would’ve thought?”.

“Yeah, in a million years, huh? What year we in?”

“Shut up”

I kissed him and felt him smile against my lips. “Don’t change, Kazuichi”. “Don’t plan on it,” he said,“I love you”. “I love you too”.

#cheap commissions #commisionwork #fan fic commission #kazuichi souda #kazuichi x reader #kazuichi soda x reader #kazuichi #kazuichi soda #kazuichi danganronpa #danganronpa goodbye despair #danganronpa

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honeymoonjin · 4 years ago

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pre-elimination thoughts

hello here is a compiled list of all the asks i woke up to this morning relating to the elimination ksdjfks please enjoy

If u see it from the pov of yn like actually that the person yn said “lets vote kook off after he shared his feelings and got provoked abt it” thats gonna hurt koo so much and he probably will completely shut himself off/ maybe even ask to leave the house if sora allows that?😳 and for yall b’s to vote him off!!! I’ll never forgive yall if sora announces that he got voted off fr fr!!!

Listen I’m not trying to be hateful but what did tae give us this week in comparison to JK??? Did he give us a whole scene? did he take the time to set up the gym into an exam room? Give us a sexy doctor moment?? No. He gave us some relatively mild puppy play which is fine!! But i mean compared to everyone else’s scene?? JK needs his moment, needs US on his side! Tae will still have jimin if he gets eliminated but koo needs a moment to shine! #byetae #savejk

I just remembered the elimination is based on sex...i voted the wrong person😞

why are people kicking off hoseok what did my man do

I’m gonna day this once. Vote koo out and I’m coming for kneecaps. There is so much potential there with the Maknae line. Listen hear me out the candidate that would hurt the least is hobi I know he was gonna get booted last week but like he’s the one that is the least emotionally attached to yn ya feel?! And also I feel like this opens up opportunities for him to dick down other members…. not naming names but *cough* jimin *cough* anyways that’s my tea if Jungkook is booted this week Readers …. I’m cracking my knuckles and we’re fucking throwing hands accept there won’t be a Seokjin and Yoongi to hold me back when I push y’all on a coffee table 😤😤🥱🥱👊🏾👊🏾

jimin may of instigated the fight, but jungkook threw the first punch and to me that’s a lot worse

the way it just took me five minutes to vote 💀 and 4 minutes and 55 seconds of those 5, i was just staring at my wall contemplating

Let's try and think with the few braincells we have left fam. Hoseok scenes are the most fun to read bc he is extremely confident and also one of the most experienced in the house. DON'T VOTE HIM OUT. A lot of the others could have a great storyline just hanging out in the house and creating sexual tension and drama. HOSEOK SHINES WHEN HE'S PERFORMING AND BEING A HARD ASS CONFINDENT SEXY DOM. PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU DON'T VOTE HIM OUT JUST YET.

i swear to fucking god i y'all vote hoseok out i'm rioting

People out here fighting for who should get eliminated but I'm here cant even figure out who to vote for cause I love all of them so much,,,, BUT IF ANYONE EVEN COMES NEAR MY BABY JIMIN AND YOONGI AND KOO IM KILLING ON SIGHT -jimin slap me anon

Ngl y’all wish I could vote y/n out 😂😂😂 girl gets into a relationship on a porn show... with 2 guys she doesn’t really seem to even like that much in a romantic way. Idk I’m fine with vmin but I don’t like the poly :/ not because it’s poly just because it doesn’t make sense + it’s complicating a lot of shit. I love the story though so I’m gonna keep reading it I just don’t agree with the relationship. I don’t think she should have a relationship with any of them until the show is over

Aaah this chapter was so good but also a mess 😭 I literally don’t know who to choose, I would actually be the worst in such a situation because I hate making decisions like that! I‘m seeing all those aggressive asks you’re getting and I‘m just sitting in the corner over here instead trying to deal with emotions 🥺 I just hope they’re all going to be alright in the end!!

I sent u two asks already queen and it def shows what good of a job you've done but this time let me be selfish for a second Because these anons are pissing me OFF! I can't believe so many people are in favour of voting Taekook out bro I'm really gonna pull a Kook and fight yall in the living room like UR really gonna break their hearts like that? JKS gonna blame himself for opening up and Tae will be devastated that he cant touch MC since touch is one of his love languages! Yall make Me SIQUE!

im voting tae out bc imo his scene was v plain. I get that pet play is out there n kinky but it was boring. While the hopekook scene with y/n was explosive it felt like tae having jimin there for his scene was a cop out. n then they did their dumb poly thing which should honestly be against the rules. WHAT SNAKES! also ngl but i feel like jimins been such a b to hopekook all the time FOR WHAT! im voting out tae for this week n jimin after. VMIN CAN GO FUCK EACH OTHER IN THE BUNKS FOR ALL OF TIME

Please please please don’t throw JK under the bus, if he gets eliminated his mental state is going to crumble even more than it already did, poor baby boy doesn’t deserve to get eliminated specially if we vote solely on the sex, because this man really went all out with his prompt, he was so diligent with staying in character and all, AND come on y’all did you not read the part in which he was being taken out crying while saying how sorry he was for the mess? We can’t break his heart even more

#kickjk2020 vminy/n for the win ‼️😼

Okay I’m sorry for yelling in my last ask BUT I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t relate to the way jk reacted bc I’d definitely feel the same as him that, doesn’t make the actions he took right but I mean have y’all really never felt that upset and alone before? You’re up against a wall with no where to go dude. Ofc you’re gonna lash out. His prompt was AMAZING he put in so much effort and it was SPICEY. And he felt so apologetic after the fight. He needs more time please:(((( #SaveJungkook

Ok but what i think some of us don’t get is that the elimination vote is from Y/N’s perspective, right? So how in the world will that go down? After all this, her voting Jk off. So, what i’m saying is #saveSora and #savejk

that chapter was so emotionally exhausting 😓 you’re such a great writer but it breaks my heart nonetheless. I guess that’s all I have to say about the chapter. but as far as voting, my choices are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. cause one I want to vote out based off of sex, and the other strictly based on emotion. uugh I can’t decide (even though I know you want it based on sex). my final statement I’ll campaign for is PLEASE don’t vote out jin or joon 🥺 #savejin&joon

I see ask about voting my man Jimin or sweet baby boy jk and even sweet taetae out while I'm here wondering if we can veto yn out 😔 i get her pov but damn im really pissed that she just gets "plant mode on" in situations like this

I’m so sorry for my baby but Tae is the one who has to go, c’mon everyone he is the safest option! He will still have Jimin and he can still have fun with the rest of the gentlemen, and you can’t tell me that he wouldn’t enjoy just watching and/ or punishing y/n when she decides that she can’t keep her hands to herself, HE WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY BEING ON THE SHOW WITHOUT THE SEX WITH Y/N BECAUSE WE’VE SEEN HIM ENJOY SEXY TIMES WITH THE OTHER GENTLEMEN! HE CAN STILL BE HAPPY IF HE GOES

If koo gets voted off I'm actually going to c r y just-

if y’all vote my baby koo out i will personally hunt you down and crack your spine like a fucking glowstick xx

PEOPLE DONT VOTE KOOK OFF. HE LET OFF SOME STEAM NOW ALL WE NEED IS FOR HIM TO APOLOGIZE AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT 😭

PLEASE DONT HURT KOO IM LEAVE THE BABY ALONE OKAY???:(((((((

#SAVEYOONGI WE GOT THE TINIEST CRUMB OF HIS FEELINGS ON THE COUCH WITH Y/N THE NIGHT OF THE THREESOME AND I WANT THOSE FEELINGS TO FLOURISH 👁️👁️

i’m sorry but if we’re voting by who did they prompt the worst you have got to choose seokjin. i feel so bad for him because the thing ab his feelings just came out but the most interesting scene he’s had up until now was the threesome with yoongi. if i could, everyone would keep participating but in this moment, seokjins the obvious choice to me

luckily it wasn’t as many as i thought but still fsdjfkjks phew yall are passionate ;;-;

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meanminyxrd · 4 years ago

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believe but its ab a redheaded runaway

alright so today i’m tackling ‘believe’ by hollywood undead. i think the vibes can fit both andrew and neil, but moreso neil in this connotation. as always, book spoilers ahead. i’ve been forgetting to put that lately.

let’s start w the chorus and opening of the song:

I can't believe that when I breathe

There's something good inside of me, just one good thing inside

So close to me, that memory

Of that one good thing inside of me, just one good thing inside of me, yeah

neil is, inherently, a selfish person before he gets attached to the foxes. think ab it: he cares only for his survival and nothing more, nothing less. that takes a certain type of apathy towards other people, which was taught to him by his mother. stay disconnected, stay safe. care for no one but yourself. when he starts seeing that the foxes care for him, and he’s just... playing them, essentially—lying to them about who he is and where he’s come from—he acknowledges that they’re never going to forgive him for ditching them later on in the year; specifically andrew, because he promised andrew he would stay. he feels like a bad person but it’s what he has to do to live. he wants to stay and play exy and be able to focus on something other than survival for once, but he knows it’s all just a play in his head. in the end its about his survival.

If I ran out the backdoor, nobody would stop me, but where would I go?

'Cause I ain't ever had a real home, so what do I know?

So I could keep running, hide until they find me, but what would that do?

If they could only know what I knew, what would it prove?

I should've seen the writing on the wall, instead I'm left to fall

'Cause the longer I'm away, the more we stay the same

Looking back, would've thought I knew it all

Instead I'm left to fall, did I throw it all away?

neil is a runaway. it’s how he’s managed to survive this long; running away and keeping on the move to avoiding his father’s men tracking him down. never leaving a trail, never staying anywhere for too long and never making any connections. when he leaves, there’s no one there to stop him both physically and metaphorically. no connections means he isn’t held back emotionally or by someone forcing him to stay. he’s never really had a home, being on the run his whole life. its all about survival, but neil signs the contract to palmetto, right? he knows he could keep running to stay safe but really, what would that do? is that really living? he wants to open up to people im sure, but what would that prove to them? in his mind it would just show that he was a bad person—dangerous. keeping kevin around is one thing; kevin is an exy star. he’s worth it. but neil? neil is nothing. why would they risk their life for a nobody?

saying he should have seen the writing on the wall alludes to all the hints that his father’s men left that they were closing in on him, however he ignored it just to be able to stay a little longer—play a little longer. instead he ignored it and fell. looking back on it he thought he had a handle on it and would be able to get away or at the very least accept his death, but it actually hurts. he got attached without realizing. and now he’s wondering if any of it was worth it. is this worth losing his life for? or, did he do enough w his time with the foxes and with andrew? or did he throw away that time for nothing?

Don't you know, little boy, they'll lay you to waste, man?

Little do they know every song has a lifespan

Never taken one, but I'm taking my last chance

To hold all we know and let go with both hands

So don't you know the clouds are made from concrete?

Right through the stone, can you hear my heartbeat?

Beats through my bones like the memory left me

Not for a second or a minute when I dream

I wanna go home like the home that I keep

You can dig six or sixty-six feet

‘don’t you know, little boy, they’ll lay you to waste, man?’ his father’s men want him dead and he knows that. they’re who he’s been outrunning his entire life (and i suppose the yakuza but he didn’t know that.) he knows attention is being drawn towards him by being in the public eye, so this is like he’s mocking himself, because he knows he’s taking a very big unnecessary risk. he’s never taken a chance in his life before because its always been about survival. but this time he is taking a chance. he’s taking a chance by joining the palmetto state foxes. but by taking this chance it is metaphorically the last chance he’ll ever take, because at this point he’s 99% sure he’s gonna end up dead by the end of it all. ‘dont you know the clouds are made of concrete?’ referencing that the only way out for him is by death. whether by someone else’s hand or his own. the only way this whole catastrophe is going to end in him being ‘at peace’ or ‘in heaven’ ie the clouds, is if he’s killed. digging 6 or 66 feet down implies ‘6 feet under’, again a death metaphor.

We could live forever, still your misery missed me

Hold this song together with a bottle of whiskey

Look into the mirror at the lines that time drew

See them painted white and the eyes that shine through

My heart beats heavy in an open chest

And I wanna say goodbye, but there's nobody left

he could have gone to his dad and flipped everything on his mom instead, or run off to live with his uncle, but the anger that his father had missed neil. yes, neil had his father’s temper, but his father was tainted with misery that neil didn’t get and he didn’t want any part in the crime scene of things. ‘look into the mirror at the lines that time drew, see them painted white and teh eyes that shine through.’ this part to me is in the mirror after the nest, when neil is first really seeing his scars, ‘the lines that time drew’ would reference like old age lines stereotypically, but in neil’s case i see it a reference to his scars because that’s what marks time for him—his scars. the scars that his dad and his dad’s men left. the scars that riko left. the scars he has just from living. the ‘eyes that shine through’ is because neil no longer has his contacts. when wymack gets him from the airport he has nothing of his disguise left. and god, is he tired of running. his heart is so heavy. he wants to be able to say goodbye to someone when he dies, but there’s no one left. his mom is dead and he has no connections other than, now, the foxes. but being in this mindset of its him vs everyone, he’s alone. he cant say goodbye to anyone but himself.

I broke it all, and I put it to the test

Put your hand on mine, and feel this emptiness

There's no beat in my chest 'cause there's nothing left

No, it ain't goodbye, it's a last caress

What's another dream? You can hardly sleep

Can you believe bad things only happen to me?

God knows one day you will finally see

That scars will heal but were meant to bleed

neil, by making these decisions, broke every self imposed rule he had for himself to stay safe. he broke the rules his mother had set in place prior to her death, and he tested the limits. he chanced trusting, if just a little. he chanced making a connection. specifically, with andrew. so this part is really andreil heavy for me. let me explain why.

this part is almost like the locker room scene when his father’s men were being security guards and he knew he no longer stood any chance. he says goodbye to andrew in that moment, and this last part is a big goodbye message to me.

he’s empty. he’s out of fight. he cant fight or he would risk the foxes lives too. there’s nothing left inside of him. he says thank you to andrew as a goodbye, but it’s not a goodbye, no, it’s a last touch, one last joy to share even if it’s small. ‘whats another dream? you can hardly sleep.’ what’s the loss of something you lose all the time? what’s the loss of something that doesnt matter? neil doesnt think he matters to andrew, and so what will his loss mean, if anything? why would andrew care? the ‘can you believe bad things only happen to me?’ is a mocking quote if anything; bad things have followed neil around his whole life, and though statistically its not true only bad things happen to him, it sure feels like he’s got the worst of it. and even in the off chance that andrew does miss him, the emotional scars will heal, even if it does hurt. because neil doesnt think he matters as much to andrew as he really does.

Do you realize I would lie for you?

Please, have my last breath, I would die for you

I know I'm no good, but my heart beats true

You know I'm gonna fight, though I might be scared to lose

You took me in, and I fucked it up again

An empty promise? No, I won't pretend

'Cause in the end we need someone to solve 'em

Nobody can fix me if I'm part of the problem

he would give everything to protect the foxes. he cares about them more than he’d like to admit. he may seem distant, but do they realize how far he’s willing to go to ensure their safety? first he went to the nest to protect them, right? now he’s literally going off to his death to keep them safe. he would lie for them, he would die for them; he would throw away everything he could and couldn’t have for them. he doesnt believe hes a good person, for putting them all in this situation, but he’s trying his best. his heart has the best intentions for the foxes. in that ‘goodbye’ to andrew, he conveys so much, and andrew obviously catches on that it’s a goodbye. but neil conveys that he’s gonna fight, even if he’s scared he’s gonna lose, even if he knows he’s gonna lose. andrew took him in after everything; after being sus of neil and then neil telling him half truths, and yet he’s fucking everything up again by going off to die. and empty promise? there isnt an empty failed promise because he made andrew break off the deal beforehand. in the end, andrew was the one who was helping to fix him. the connection he formed with andrew made him feel like he had a shot; like maybe they could outwit his father and he would be safe. however, this whole situation including himself couldn’t be fixed because he is a part of the problem. he blames himself for the foxes being a target so to keep them safe he will go off w his father’s men and remove the issue. no one can fix him and keep him safe if he’s the dangerous one.

uhhh yeah i hope you liked my breakdown! here’s neil’s playlist if you’re curious for more! see ya next time.

#neil josten #song analysis #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #playlists #songs #music

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smellycinnamonthundahfudge · 5 years ago

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here we are, folks, mama's gonna write another one of these things so sit down and enjoy some post-hoco peter starts to fall for mj shits

sigh why do i even bother

Caught Stealing

Peter likes to think he's been doing pretty good at this whole superhero thing for quite a while now; saving people, giving directions, catching thieves. Things have been going pretty great.

But the one thief he didn't expect to show up on his radar was one that didn't even show up when he was in spidey-mode, oh no, this one showed up when he was regular ol' peter parker for crying out loud. Just one day at another one of these acadec meetings, Peter Parker saw MJ try to steal a glance at him while he was on a call with Happy, and his brain was left on buffer for the rest of the call, the meeting, and pretty much the entire week after.

"Hey, Ned, hav you ever seen MJ like... look at me?" Peter asks Ned in the cafeteria while MJ wasn't there yet (he's brave enough to go through flames with a broken leg to save Liz's supervillain dad but hell if he's brave enough to talk about a potential crush just mere feet near said crush).

"Yes," answered Ned without even looking, and just continued eating his tuna sandwich lunch.

"What!?" Peter exclaims slightly loudly making him take a look around him to see if anyone (MJ) might have noticed. To his relief, no one did what with all the conversations happening in the cafeteria and MJ still wasn't there. "When were you going to tell me?"

Ned swallows the bite he just took, "I thought you did know."

"Well, clearly I didn't. I've been pretty busy with ~something~ as you know."

"Pfftt yeah and you were also crushing pretty hard on Liz if I can also recall."

"Okay, okay fine whatever, we've already established I've been busy. I just- how long have you known? Or how long have you noticed it was going on?"

"You seriously haven't noticed?" Ned asks genuinely a bit shocked that Peter didn't know.

"Dude, I'm telling you I haven't-" Peter repeats for the nth time, frustrated he still doesn't know how long this has been going on. "How long?"

Ned lets out a chuckle of disbelief, "Pretty much since halfway through freshman year, bro. Wow, I can't believe you really haven't noticed. Some Peter-tingle you've got there."

Peter lets out a huff of frustration, "It doesn't work that way. And ugh can you please not call it the Peter-tingle? I already get enough of that from Aunt May."

Ned turns his hands up in defeat and just proceeds to continue eating his lunch again.

"I can't believe this, has it really been going on for that-"

"Hey, losers," MJ greets to their table, finally showing up to their usual spot.

"MJ!" Peter almost shouts from shock. Man, Ned might be right, his (ugh) Peter-tingle just wasn't working right now.

MJ snorts from Peter's reaction, "Yes, Peter, it is me, MJ, the girl who's been sitting next to you guys for the better part of a year now,' MJ mock explains. "You doing okay there, Pete?" MJ asks finally taking a seat.

"Yeah, yeah, just a bit jumpy, I guess..."

"Alright, whatever. What can't you believe has been going on for that long?"

"What?"

"When I got here, you were saying you can't believe it's been going on for that long. What has?"

Peter looks to Ned in a panic and he blurts out "Spiders!" in response, making Peter face palm himself on the table.

"Spiders?" MJ still asks, being what Ned said did nothing to explain anything.

"Yeah... Peter's had this really intense phobia of them ever since we went on that fieldtrip. He accidentally slipped in the bathroom this morning cause he saw a spider and he couldn't believe he still hasn't gotten over his phobia," Ned explains lies so casually, but by the end of it sighs and gives Peter a not really that subtle thumbs up.

Peter on the other hand is semi-frustrated over having to lie to MJ about TWO things in his life now and the fact that his best friend just made him seem like a scaredy cat that actually slips in the bathroom from seeing a spider. His frustration doesn't last though cause he's just waiting to see if MJ actually buys Ned's load of spider phobia bs.

"Oh, okay-" MJ thinks about how they were probably talking about spider-man things before she came but decides to just go along with their excuse and thinks about a possible cause of the phobia on the very highly unlikely (at least in her opinion) chance that Ned was actually telling the truth, remembering Peter's uncle dying just a few weeks after the fieldtrip and feeling bad for Pete so she offers up a solution or maybe just something to comfort him.

"You know, they say that to get rid of a phobia, exposure therapy works, so maybe it'll make you feel better to know that humans swallow up to like 10 spiders in an entire year," MJ jokes a bit awkwardly and pointedly that she just proceeded to eat her meal after finishing her sentence.

It makes Peter chuckle for a bit though so MJ releases that breath she didn't know she was holding and continues to avert her eyes to her meal and just continue eating.

"Wow, MJ yeah sure, nothing'll make me feel better like knowing there's probably like hundreds of tiny spiders inside me right now," Peter remarks sarcastically making MJ laugh as he fake shivers.

"Glad I could help," MJ winks and then averts her eyes again to get her book so she could read while eating, signalling she was ready for this convo to end (she wasn't going to be able to talk after what she can't believe she just did).

And Peter's kinda glad she does end it because holy sh- did, did MJ really just wink at him right now? Did that just happen?

Peter looks to Ned for confirmation who could only shrug in response being just as unsure about what to make of it as well.

Wondering what the hell just happened is the last thought circling inside Peter's brain while Ned just changes the subject to something else that didn't even register to Peter.

MJ may actually ACTUALLY like him, and Peter doesn't have a single clue what to do about it.

Nothing as it turns out, cause as the rest of the week passes without fanfare, it seems like Peter's finally regaining his sanity again as he thinks that maybe MJ looking at him was just MJ being MJ and he goes back to thinking of MJ as his friend and not the smart funny pretty girl who might have a crush on him, which she doesn't.

Until, yet again, Happy interrupts Peter at this week's acadec meeting and he steps outside to take the call.

"What, Happy? I told you I was busy during saturdays with acadec, what do you want?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know I was talking to Mr. Bigshot here. You know, I started on Stark Industries as a dri-"

And with that, Peter just proceeded to wince and hit himself with his phone, knowing he just made this phone call twice as long as what it probably would have been. He starts to just block out what Happy is saying and takes a peek at what he's missing at acadec.

Flash is asleep at the sidelines, must have been that party Peter saw he was having posted and streamed all over social media, it was so annoying. Ned, Cindy, Sally, and Abe were all on a roll tossing out answers back to back, Eddie was blanking and swearing the answer was at the tip of his tongue, and MJ as usual, was running the drills.

Yet again, Peter was thinking about how wonky his brain must have been to actually think that MJ, don't give an f what anyone thinks acadec team cap MJ, actually liked him.

But it seemed Peter must have been staring for too long because MJ noticed and glanced at him too, making Peter panic and immediately avert his eyes to a different direction, any direction at that. God, why was he this awkward?

But god help Peter Parker who must just be an awkwardness masochist because he couldn't help but just sneak a peek once again, only to see MJ was still looking at him and he must have had some ridiculous shocked expression on his face because the slightest grin started to appear on MJ's face and she looked away with almost- was that- A BLUSH?? a blushing expression on her face??? did that? she just? whattttt????

But before Peter could even get himself together, MJ looked back at him again only to grin over the fact Peter was still looking at her and roll her eyes over how ridiculous this wordless convo they were having across the room was, that she just snickered and gave a silent hi and subtle wave hidden from their team mates just below the podium.

Peter found himself grinning like an idiot too and could only give one awestruck wave which made MJ snicker and avert her eyes back to their team mates with a barely noticable flush on her face and a blink and you'll miss it, moment where MJ had to think about what she was saying before she and Peter began this cutely wordless reparte across the room.

MJ had to think about what she was going to say. Cool, suave, witty retorts and comebacks MJ seemed to have a moment of speechlessness.

okay.

And so as Peter could only hear a faint "Peter? Peter, are you still listening to me?" from his phone, he knew that he was absolutely, one hundred percent without a single doubt in his mind, truly, and utterly, fucked.

Maybe MJ wasn't the only one who had a crush.

heeyy yooeesss i missed writing mah anxious boi's pov yallssss. i miss writing for them in general huhu. also im probs gonna write a bunch more of these how they fell for each other fics cus i think this version of em/phase of their relationship is pretty underrated hehe

plus i still cant get over ffh pj disapproval so fine i'll just write the middle man fics myself then. it's just so easy to see how pete could fall for mj, i just cant

toot toot and i hope yalls enjoyed dis folks. it's good to be back. rlly missed em, ya know?

#spideychelle #<3 #peter parker #michelle jones #spideychelle is canon bitches #spideychelle is canon

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sora-the-stargazer · 5 years ago

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Hello Community,

first i ask you to check out this: https://anarchysys.tumblr.com/post/190594914984/a-warning-for-all-those-active-in-the-fictionkin

(Sidenote: in the post on the link, The Person called Karkat is here mentioned as Roxas You may know him as Roxas, Lykaios, Rougarou, Xaeph. the Part where you can see my story is where they mention screenshots from a person they know, that has been stalked by roxas since 2 years. That person is me. when you see the screenshots from me in there, i said i met Roxas in spring 2017, which i typed wrong. It was spring 2018, also i mentioned there i told roxas i was kin with ventus but i remembered it wrong, i didnt told him because i was questioning this timeline atm. That was right before we had the breakup so i thought i told him, but i didnt)

this is an important post i should have made long ago. Please dont mind my typos, english is my second language.

I made a new account so everyone can see this post. You may know me as moonlight-and-starflowers or starshine-and-roses.

I shut up for too long and i should have done something MUCH earlier. I dont think i need to explain the shit that went down between me and my both ex.

I am so done with this childish bullshit. In the Post from a friend you can read my side of the story. Im not going to rewrite it all here. I just wann add something personal.

I go tons of anon hate, saying i should kill myself, people threatening me, saying they have my adress, saying they gonna call the cops on me, saying they “find me and hunt me down” and so on.

Do you think thats fun? I can tell you its not. Im not here to get pity, im here to tell you this is not a game, this is serious and its character assassination!

I decided long ago i will not make a callout post against my ex because i dont need that, i know what i did and what not, and i dont need to make a google doc to “warn” my friends. But Dude, its been almos 2 Years and all you do is talking shit about me? Do you even realize what sick shit you are doing? You have nothing else to do then making a google doc about me with all the lies you made up ?? And since 2 Years its your job to tell people lies about me ? Litterally, i know from Friends that the first thing you tell new people is to stay away from me. are you serious? And besides, no - i did not stalked you to find the Google Doc. People sended it to me to show me the sick shit you are doing. I took steps back from the communnity since i know this is a place that is ruled by basically you, telling everyone im a monster. and then, friends tell me the shit thats going on, and YOU call ME a abuser? thats so funny. i do basically nothing since the breakup, do you think i waste my precious time with looking around for your accounts ?? Appearently this is all you do. i imagine the time you put into the google doc. wow. really, am i still such ab big part of your life? Why cant you let it go finally?

You know, i never said something. i got all this anon hate, and i kept still. It made me panic, YOUR billshit made a big part of my theraphy. and still- i shut up. but getting another very hard anon message last week, broke me. I will not shut up anymore. What you do is SICK. If i get notifyied that there is more bullshit from you, i will inform the police. This is not a game this is serious and should be seen so. Im not longer shutting up while i get called a abuser, a rapist, a child porn lover, and so on. i collected the URLs and IPs from the hate messages. So be happy for your buddies that harressed me too ! They are in it too.

I once tried it friendly. I offered him my peace and that we just let it go. Everyone live his life and move on. But he didnt. He couldnt let go of it. A sorry - a regret of what had done, a single sorry. But it looks like he is too possessed with bullying me and talking shit about me.

You wanna “keep the community safe” ? From who? Work on yourself before you bully other people.

Roxas or anyone else, If you insist to do the same and go to the police, go on. i have nothing to hide and again: i can and will show every chatlog of us. In case they are needed, i will do that. Cause i know what i did and what not.

Yes, i now made a callout post.

to stand up for my rights.

I’m not the only victim.

Crime in Internet, is real crime. its not a joke.

Be aware.

Text me for more ✌🏻

!! I need to add something !

I found out that the last Anon hate i got, was from Roxas Itself. Even tho he wrote this in his post 😂

Kinda funny, isn’t it?

#kingdom hearts kin #kh kin #roxas kin #kingdomheartskin #sora kin

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ellana-ravenwood · 6 years ago

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Salt, Tequila, Lemon - Jason Todd x Reader

Please read this intro, thank you very much :

So. I posted this yesterday, but after a bug on the Tumblr app on my phone it got deleted. I’m super bummed out because it had over 200 notes and quite a few feedbacks that I never got to read because it was accidentally deleted...If the people that took the time to comment things on the story could take a bit more time to write a little comment again and give me their feedbacks, and also if the people that liked and reblog could do it once more...i’d appreciate the hell out of you <3. So reposting it (thanks god I always have back ups of all my stories now). Written in twenty minutes during my break at work. Bam. Hope you’ll like it :

Also, since Tumblr’s new guidelines and enforcement of it, I DON’T really appear in searches anymore, so the only way for this story to be seen by others than those who follow me is to reblog it. So if you wanna, you can show your support for my writing by doing just that. Thanks very much. You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

_________________________________________________

Ok. So. Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Oh, right.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

Got it. Licking the back of your hand to make the salt stick to it, you pour yourself a massive shot of “To-Kill-Ya” in your coffee mug, not even caring about the fact that there is still some remnant of your cappuccino from last night in it.

You focus on the sound the liquid makes as it fills your cup. Makes you think about something else. Good. Yup. This was totally gonna help right now.

“Cheers”, you exclaim to yourself, your empty apartment echoing your voice.

Salt.

Wincing. Stingy. Salt on its own is gross.

Tequila.

More wincing. Oh my god, it burns. The coffee that was still at the bottom of the cup is an oddly nice touch.

Lemon.

The last of the Wincing.

You spit the piece of lemon you just bit into in the trash and…miss. The yellow fruit falls with a little flat sound on the floor, and you honestly can’t bother to pick it up. Your apartment is a mess anyway, so you just stare at it angrily and pour yourself another drink.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

You gulp the last of the citrus and shiver. Miss the trash again.

Damn. This was good.

Well, actually, it was disgusting.

You didn’t like strong alcohol and what the Hell ?! Why did you leave a bit of coffee in your cup ? Now that the aftertaste was kicking in, it was actually really gross. If the tequila itself didn’t make you wanna throw up, the stale coffee taste nearly did. Oh, and the salt and lemon combination was as awful as ever.

You really didn’t like salt, tequila, or lemon.

But it was still good.

Because thanks to all this immediate awfulness, you could slowly feel yourself drift into “haze land”, and forget about your worries.

Forget that your boyfriend of two years just cheated on you with some random woman you worked with. Woman that, by the way, he met at the Christmas “end of the year” party from you work you invited him to…You gave him free champagne and mise-en-bouche and all your love, and he broke your heart.

It wasn’t your thing, to drink your sorrow away. And it wasn’t your thing either to wallow because of a man…But you genuinely thought he was “the one” (oh what a mistake you would soon realize that was).

He was always so nice, treating you like a princess. He complimented you daily, and never forgot an important date. He was affectionate, not to an annoying point. He was the perfectamount of affectionate. He was a gentleman and seemed to love you and yet, he betrayed you.

If a man like him, that was nothing short but sweet and passionate with you, cheated on you, then did that mean you couldn’t trust anyone ?

Because in your eyes right now, he was perfect. Albeit said eyes were slightly clouded by a a few tequila shots.

You were downing a fourth drink starting to slowly sob when…

There’s very few things that can get you out of a drunk state in seconds.

An extremely cold shower could do the trick, for instance. Brings you back to your senses a bit you know ? You wouldn’t magically be sober, but you’d get a clearer mind. Or someone giving you shocking news ! Or like, an event so incredible that your body just forgets how drunk it is for a minute.

And this event, for you, came at the perfect time.

Right when you were entering your “sad drunk” phase, which was between the “lol alcohol does NOTHING to me” phase where you downed most of your drinks, and the “dancing on the bar’s counter” phase (a few more drinks and you would have a one woman dance party in your living room, acting as if you were on a bar’s counter and that your name was suddenly “Britney��).

Right when you were about to wallow times a thousand, and cry, and yell “whyyyyyyy ?!” to the sky, arms in the air (drama queen).

Years later, looking back on that particular event, you’ll start to realize that Destiny HAS to exist. Because come on, it was just too perfect a timing to be a simple coincidence.

You were about to swallow up your fifth drink, launching yourself head first into the “sad phase” when an ear shattering noise rang all around your apartment.

Broken glass.

It was the sound of broken glass. Heightened to the max by your drunkness. You turned on your stool, and…there he was.

It was a guy. That you were sure of because he had no boobs and too much pecs. And that guy…well that guy just flew right through your window, destroying it. How rude.

There was glass everywhere.

How much did a window cost ? Probably a fortune.

You wondered briefly if you could just use aluminium foil and tape the shit up. There was nothing of value to steal in your apartment anyway, and if aluminium foil could keep meals warm, it definitely worked with a house too right ?

You sobered up quite a bit, but you were also very drunk when this event happened, so your mind was still in that cloudy weird phase where your priorities were…interesting.

You worried more about the broken window at first, than about that guy who just launched through it.

A guy.

Not just any guy.

You saw that guy before.

He was one of those night vigilante your crazy hometown was filled with…RED HOOD !!

“Thick thighs”, is the first thing you thought right after you recognized him (priorities).

The second thing you thought was that you needed another drink, and so you downed what was your fifth one, but with that crazy thing happening ended up being on the same level as if it was a second one. You were tipsy, but not “drunk” anymore.

The third thing that came to your mind was…Is he still alive ?

No cause, he was like, just laying there, on your living room’s floor, not moving.

“…Outch.”

Oh. He spoke.

So he ain’t dead. Good, means you can have another drink then, you don’t need a clear mind to call an ambulance or something.

Oddly enough, in your half-drunk half-sober state, this sounded completely reasonable. Nevermind if Red Hood had some internal bleeding or something. He talked. He was probably fine.

A minute passed, and you just sat there, sipping up your tequila in between taking a pinch of salt and biting into a piece of lemon.

Salt, tequila, lemon. Great remedy against heartbreaks.

Wait, were you heartbroken ? Really ? You couldn’t really recall that fact now. But, yeah…it was the reason why you were drinking right ? Because right now, all you could think about was the fact that this Red hood guy had abs for days…

This unforeseen event sobered you up quite a bit, but the two shots you just took kinda brought you back to the same state than you were before.

Well. Not quite. You were drunk as hell again, but seemed to have avoided the “sad phase”. Instead, Red Hood bursting quite literally through your window took you to another road.

The : “Cool, I got a drinking buddy phase”. Well, taking for granted he didn’t have any internal bleeding and wouldn’t die while biting into a lemon wedge.

“Tough day ?”

You ask him, as he slowly sits up and shakes his head, trying to regain his senses. He looks towards you and seem surprised (or at least you think he is, because he wears a mask so…kinda hard to tell).

************

Jason definitely thought he was alone in this place, because no sane person would just sit there, not saying anything, as someone simply jumped through their window. Nope, most people would just freak out. Scream.

He knows, because it’s not the first time he falls through a window during a night on duty. And every single time it happened, people freaked out. Screamed. Threw stuffs at him, or hid away begging for their life to be spared.

And yet here you were, half a bottle of tequila in front of you, surrounded by lemon wedges you bit into, and table salt all over your hand, just staring at him curiously. And did you just say : “tough day” ?

Well, Jason guessed the empty half of the bottle was why you were so chilled about it all. He sat up, and slowly got back to his feet.

Usually, going through a window meant the end of the night for him. He’d go back to one of his secret stash, patch himself up and get some rest. Most of the time, he fell through windows because someone pushed him or threw him there…Though today, he just embarrassingly missed a step and fell by himself.

Of course, no one would ever now he tripped while jumping from one building to another (you lived on the last floor) and went careening into your home (and life). Nope, the official story would be that he fought a fierce enemy and was thrown into that window. Finding fake villains name was easy, given how truly ridiculous some could be.

Tim and Damian were still after the “Illusive Blue Man” that he totally made up that one time he walked into a poll and had a huge black eye that he couldn’t quite explain…Oh man, he had to stop telling such elaborate lies and just say “I fought with a few guys last night” without more explanation.

But he couldn’t help it. And those kids believed everything he said, it was too tempting…But for now, this wasn’t the issue. Nope.

He did a quick check of his body and knew he wasn’t really hurt (thanks “dad” for the amazing body armor ugh ?), so he was planning on leaving that poor girl’s house and send a mystery check in the mail to pay for the damage (money stolen from a certain Bruce Wayne of course, as if he would pay himself).

Yup. He was just gonna stand up, and go on his way and…somehow, he found himself sitting on the stool opposite side of this mysterious girl, and now she was peppering salt on his hand ?

“Salt”, she says, and she has a cute drunk voice. Jason almost forgets he just went through a window a few minutes ago.

“Tequila”, she continues, downing her drink and pointing at the one she poured him. He doesn’t even care the she poured it in a cereal bowl that she didn’t even seem to have clean…He drunk worst things in worst recipient. He turns away to take off his mask and so that she can’t see his face, and “bottom’s up”.

“Lemon !” she finishes, biting into the sour fruit and spitting it in the direction of the trashcan but missing completely. The lemon wedge goes to lost itself amongst his fallen brothers…

Jason bites into his own lemons, and spits it. Right into the garbage.

There’s a slight pause, where she just stares at the trashcan, and then at Jason, back to the trashcan, and then turns to him again and simply says :

“Wow.”

************

So. This was surreal.

Here you were. In your home. Taking tequila shots. With…Red Hood.

One of Gotham’s night vigilante. The most violent one. But the dude seemed chilled. He was holding his liquor really well.

And now you were talking about your broken heart, telling him the story as if he’d been your friend for years. And he was listening. Intently. And reacting to what you were saying. It had been a LONG time, since you had this kind of talk with anyone, and despite the fact you were drunk, you still noticed how nice it felt to have someone to talk to. Someone that genuinely listened.

“And then he slept with her !” you say angrily.

“Nooooooo !?!”

“Yes, he did ! He slept with…with…what was her name…”

“Nicole. From accounting.”

“Right, Nicole from accounting ! That bitch ! She always just…counts and shit ! And he slept with her ! Nicole from accounting ! Whom he met thanks to me, by the way ! At a partyyyy !! At my wooooork !!”

“What an ass.”

“Right ?! Oh but he had such a good ass though…Quite firm. But whenever he wore jeans, it was super flat.”

“So, not such a good ass in the end then ?”

“I guess not. You have a good ass. Popping right out in this outfit of yours.”

Red Hood chuckles, and the sound of his laughter makes you forget that you just said something incredibly embarrassing. His voice is…nice. Deep. Manly. You like it. You wanna make him chuckle some more, so you say, hoping :

“And it looks very firm. Not just quite firm.”

It works. He snorts and it’s very cute. Oh wow. He can be sexy and cute. Full package. You smile a bit dreamily.

For a second, he’s lost in that smile of yours, and there’s a silence installing itself in the room. A comfortable one. That you break :

“Ok. So now, he’s not that perfect anymore ! He got no ass ! Penalty points ! I never notice how un-assed he was before…”

Jason smiles and damn. He’s hot.

Somewhere along the way, he stopped turning his face away from you whenever he took a shot, and just ended up taking his helmet off. He was probably hoping that you’d black out or something, so you wouldn’t remember his face (or he just didn’t care).

In any case, you were pretty sure you never saw him before. His face kinda reminded you of an old memory. Of someone you saw somewhere long ago, when you were a kid…Which wasn’t really a big help right ?

Right. You had no idea who he was. And in your drunken state, probably couldn’t piece anything together anyway. So even if you did know who he could be, you wouldn’t know in the end anyway…Makes perfect sense right ?

What you knew was : he’s hot.

This white streak in his hair did something to you that you couldn’t explain. And that jawline ? You would love to get cut on that bitch. It could actually cut a bitch, you were sure of it. Those blue eyes ? You’ve never seen someone with such blue eyes. And did you mention to yourself how muscular he was ? Because man you only saw guys like this in magazines !

But beyond his handsome features, he seemed like a nice guy. Like he was listening to you, a total stranger. And this realization suddenly raised your guard up.

You also thought that your ex-cheating-boyfriend was a nice guy. And come to think of it, who the hell just barge in someone’s home like that, and actually stay to drink tequila shots ?! Wait but…in your guts…it’s not like with your ex.

You don’t think he’s a nice guy. You know he is.

************

There’s a visible shift in your mood, after this realization. So far, you talked to him about your broken heart freely, and he listened.

Oddly enough, no words that came out of your (perfect) mouth bored him. Jason wasn’t sure wether it was the alcohol or not, but you captivated him.

But in a split second, and without him knowing why, your features changed. You were now frowning. Like an unhappy little kid. It was kinda cute, but he didn’t like it because…why were you frowning ?

He tries to lighten up the mood and says :

“Well here you go. See, you didn’t loose the perfect guy, his ass was flat in jeans. Can’t work with that, can you ? I bet we can find other flaws. Make you realize he actually was a looser.”

Your guard is up, but you can’t help but smile a bit, plus you were frowning just now because you realized you just knew you could trust that total stranger, and it was so weird….

Besides, no harm in indulging this, because you’re pretty sure it’ll make you feel better to try and see the bad side of your ex-boyfriend, not just his good ones. No one was perfect. And so, still a bit careful, you say :

“Well…He never got any of my Tv shows or movie references.”

“Well, here’s a point to take off of his “perfectness”. Doesn’t get pop culture references. Deal breaker.”

“Yeah…Yeah you’re right. It is. He also used to hate when I made jokes. I like puns ya know ? Terrible ones. Well, he was always embarrassed whenever I made them in public.”

“Ashamed of his girlfriend, doesn’t sound very gentlemanly, right ?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t. Maybe he wasn’t such a perfect gentleman…He also used to not want to go out with me if I didn’t wear any make-up and was dressed just casually.”

“What you mean, he never just went out with you ?”

“We only went out on dates. I had to dress up. I could be casual home though…”

“Well goodie, the man let you be yourself when you were home. Big deal. To be honest, sounds like a douchey move.”

“That was kinda douchey…I never cared what he looked like.”

And it’s true. For you, physical appearance wasn’t everything. And sure you thought your ex was hot and all, but only because you liked his personality too. You liked his jokes, you were never ashamed of anything he said.

And right now, sure that stranger that bursted through your window was hot, but the reason you felt like you could tell him things was because he just made you comfortable by his mere aura. Because he gave you such a good vibe.

You never were fully about appearances. It was always just a bonus for you…So it never occurred to you why your ex would only hang out in public with you if you were pampered. Like he used to hate when you just wore hoodies and no make-up, even if you didn’t need make-up to be beautiful.

Comes to think of it, he was very much about appearances…Uh. Interesting. You never realized that before.

You turn to Red Hood, and the look on your face says it all. You’re slowly realizing maybe you didn’t just lost “the one”. The vigilante says :

“Ok, so : no ass, no humor apparently, doesn’t get pop culture references, and was kind of a jerk when it came to going out with you…”

“He did tell me often that I was beautiful though. Including when I just woke up from a night out, and was awful looking.”

“Yeah, but he never went out with you looking like that. He shouldn’t feel ashamed of hanging out with you looking like that. Just like he shouldn’t feel embarrassed when you joke. He can be exasperated, like if you really make bad puns, sure. And he can think it’s unfunny…But embarrassed ? No.”

“I guess…I never thought about it.”

“Well let me tell you, as someone who does not know neither you nor him personally, he sounds like a bit of a jerk. Let’s not forget he cheated as well. Like, that’s not something good people do. Especially not with…Nicole from accounting.”

“Nicole from accounting…Yeah. They’re together now though.”

“So ? He should’ve broken up with you if he realized he liked her. That’s the right thing to do. Trust me on that, I put villains behind bars for a living, I know what’s right or wrong.”

“I heard you kill criminals.”

“Used to. I used to kill criminals, I had issues. I’ll tell you one day if you wanna. It’s a real tear jerker story. With clowns and crowbars. And I’m telling you that because I’m drunk, right now. Also, if we want to be specific, I don’t actually make a living out of putting villains behind bars. Like, I don’t get paid or anything…”

Jason finds himself ranting about anything that comes to his mind, and though he hears himself claim it’s because of the alcohol he’s saying all this, he realizes maybe there’s something else making him want to talk.

You. A total stranger he walked upon. Or rather, went-through-the-window upon. Who didn’t freak out when he went through said window. And instead, invited him over to have tequila shots.

Because, according to your grandmother, the best remedy to…basically any problems in life, was “salt, tequila, lemon”.

“She was a wise woman.”

He says, and you turn to him, clearly not understanding what he was talking about.

“Who ?”

“Your grandma. For saying that salt, tequila and lemon was a great remedy against heartbreaks and all.”

“Oh. Yeah. I wouldn’t know, I never met her. She died before I was born.”

“Well what she passed on to your parents is great.”

“What ?”

“Well, that “salt, tequila and lemon” thing, I assume she said that to your mom or dad, and then they said that to you, and then it became your grandma’s advice. Right ?”

“…Nah. It’s an excuse I made up. Whenever I need to justify something, I just say “like my grandma said, ain’t no shame in eating an entire tub of ice cream if you want to”, and then people are just like “oh yeah, cool”, because when you say the word “grandma”, then it gives a perspective to your words ya know ?”

Jason had no idea what you were on about, but he loved it. You seemed to be very smart. And witty. And funny. The hell did that guy cheated on you for ? And why was he ashamed of going out in public with you when you weren’t dressed up ?!

You currently wore “Hello Kitty” pyjamas, had absolutely no make up on, and your hair was a mess, and he thought you looked gorgeous.

“Why are you so nice ?”

Your question takes him by surprise, and for a few seconds he doesn’t register it and just says : “ugh ?”

“To me. Why are you so nice to me ? Is it the alcohol ? Does it make you nice ? Or are you just nice to every stranger ? Every girl you destroy the windows of ? Or are you like my ex ? You seem nice, but then you go off and cheat on your girl simply because you like another girl and you’re too cowardly to break up with your current girl ?”

Jason hiccups slightly, and says :

“No, I’m not nice to any girl I met. I’m actually usually kind of a jerk, too “brutally honest”. But you…I don’t know. You give me good feelings. Oh and here’s to add on his flaws list. “Coward”. Can’t even break up with a girl, has to wait to get caught red-handed and break her heart. Cooooward. Bad flaw. Kind of guy who runs in the face of danger, instead of standing by you.”

It’s probably the fact that he said “you give me good feelings” that spurs this in you. That gives you a new clearer perspective on things.

“My heart wasn’t broken.”

It’s a shock, to you. This realization. This sudden feeling jumping in your face. You…are not heartbroken. You’re mad. You’re frustrated. You feel betrayed. You feel a crazy burning anger towards your ex for toying around with you like that. For not having the balls to just break up, after spending two years together.

He was suppose to know you. To be your friend. Things could have turned out better. He could have just come up to you, say the truth, and…You were pretty sure you’d still be friend. Because he really was a great guy.

He really was all the good thing you though about him. He made a mistake, an unforgivable one in your book. But he was a great guy.

He was just…not your great guy. Not anymore at least.

And you realized, there, quite drunk, that…It was ok.

Your heart wasn’t broken.

Your pride was. Your trust was. But your heart ? …Maybe you weren’t completely in love with him. You were best friends, yes, but love ? Maybe it wasn’t love…

Your heart wasn’t broken.

“My heart isn’t broken.”

You tell Red hood, looking at him right in his wonderful ocean blue eyes. And he looks right back at you, and just nods. Just like that. And then he pours you one last tequila shot.

Because like your grandma would say : “When you make great discovery about yourself…Salt, tequila, lemon”.

************

It took you only a few hours with him to realize that you weren’t in love with your ex, and that was kinda scary. Because this realization didn’t come from nowhere.

Nope.

But when he said that your ex broke your heart, you felt obligated to tell him that no. No your heart wasn’t broken. You were sad and angry, yes, but not heartbroken. For you, in that moment, it was important for this total stranger to know you weren’t actually in love.

Hell, you didn’t even know yourself you weren’t that in love before you talked to him. It just came as a sudden, yet utterly true revelation.

Because, and this wasn’t the alcohol speaking…You felt incredibly attracted to that guy. To Red Hood. Not just because of the white streak in his hair, and the eyes, and smile, and voice, and abs, and thick thighs. That too, sure, but not only…Nope.

Nope. Not because of this.

But because he had a tough day (he said so himself, explaining to you how he went through the window…he was fighting a super-villain when he got flung through your window, tough tough time ahem), and yet he sat with a crazy lady that peppered salt on his hand and practically forced him to take a tequila shot…

Because you could see in his eyes, and felt in your guts that he didn’t have an easy life…and yet he took a break from whatever he was doing to just sit with you and listen to you. He didn’t even make sense, that you trusted those feelings so fiercely. And yet, you did. Because he listened to you.

He saw you were struggling and he stayed. And though you felt you couldn’t trust anyone at that time…You oddly felt like he was ok.

Like he wouldn’t be the kind of guy to cheat, or run in the face of danger, leaving you all alone to fight off demons.

In a few short hours, you fell for this guy more than you ever fell for your ex.

What did that say about you uh ? …That was pretty pathetic…

************

Jason didn’t think that you were pathetic at all.

On the contrary. If he went to seat with you, and drink with you, is because he was instantly mesmerized by you.

And though he didn’t know at first why, now he was sure of it.

It’s because you didn’t freak out. And something told him it wasn’t only because you were a bit drunk (he fell in drunk people’s home before…none reacted like you).

Nope. It was because you were special. He just knew it. Special in every way. Funny. Beautiful. Genuinely listening to him when he was speaking.

He peppered his own problems within your story, as you told him. And you listened. Hell, even referenced a few things he said early on, way later, while you were crazy drunk. You listened.

You gave a total stranger that seemed to have a tough day some salt. And tequila. And lemons.

And then you cared. You asked him a thousand times if he was ok, and he basically had to take off his armor to prove it so (to your eyes’ greatest pleasure…mm mm mm those muscles).

Captivated. He was captivated by you. It was strange, and though he knew it was because you were special, he still was unclear as to why his feelings were that strong.

For someone he just met. And barely knew. And only knew while drunk.

You were just…Special.

************

It was surreal. The all thing.

What started as a night where you planned on wallowing your pain and drinking…ended up changing your life.

And no one could convince you that it wasn’t Fate. Because what were the odds that Red Hood would fall through YOUR window after tripping (yeah you didn’t buy that “fighting super-villains thing” at all) ?

What were the odds of his timing being so perfect, arriving just before you started to cry ? Because there was no doubt in your mind that if he had come a few seconds later, he wouldn’t have stayed.

He would have found a crying mess, and maybe he would have tried to confort you but…You wouldn’t have answered. In your “sad phase”, you only cry and whine. He would have eventually left. And the wonderful talk you’d just have, would never have happened.

But instead. He came right before your lips touch that fatal shot of tequila that would have brought you into the “sad phase”. And took your drunkness down a notch. Rerouted your evening.

You weren’t wallowing anymore, you were ranting.

Sharing your anger and frustration.

And he helped you realize that your ex wasn’t that perfect…That maybe it was just not meant to be…After all, he cheated on you.

Uh. What a shame. You didn’t even know his name…”Red Hood”…

You wished you knew his name.

************

The morning lights were rising, and the bottle of tequila was long gone.

There were still salt and lemons though. For some reason, you decided to buy the entire grocery store’s stock of lemons.

Red Hood stood up, and said he had to go.

He was nice about it. Said it was a pleasure to have spend the night with you. You both laughed about the innuendos that ensued.

You were exactly on the same page. And he understood all your joke referencing to pop culture…

But it was time for him to go. And he apparently had no intention of telling you his real name. He didn’t hint either at ever coming back to see you again.

And there was that. Just a nice night, spend talking to a genuine friend that you’ll never see again.

A genuine friend that you didn’t even know a few hours before.

Maybe it was the alcohol speaking. Maybe not.

And even if you ended up never seeing him again, this evening truly changed your life…At least, it saved you from a heartbreak. Made you realize it wasn’t that.

Though, now, as he climbs out of the window again (he couldn’t possibly use the front door), you feel like the actual heartbreak is starting.

Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Right.

Salt, tequila, lemon…

But the tequila is all gone.

“I’ll send someone to fix that window…Sorry again about that. …Bye.” are his last words, and then he’s out.

And the tequila is all gone.

************

…

Days pass by in a blur.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

Ugh. But you don’t want to this time. You don’t want to get drunk to forget.

You don’t want to forget him. And you know it’s ridiculous to get that worked up over a guy you met one night and that will never come back. That you didn’t even know the name of.

This entire night was weird anyway.

Getting drunk with a dangerous night vigilante. Pouring your heart out to him, and him doing the same. The hell were you even thinking ?

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

That would be a good idea to do this right now, because man…your heart hurt. More than when you discovered your ex sleeping with Nicole. From accounting. But you can’t resolve yourself to drink. To forget. Nope. Instead you…

*Knock knock knock*.

Uh ? You take a quick look at your clock in the kitchen.10 pm. Who the hell is coming at 10 pm ?! It can only be bad news. Especially in Gotham…You peep into the eyehole and…

WHAT ?!

You open your door quickly, and…

“Told you I’d send someone to fix your window.”

It’s him. It’s Red hood. But in…civilian clothes.

His ass doesn’t look flat in jeans.

He’s holding a window wrapped in cardboard, and there’s a toolbox at his feet.

“Yeah, you did…come in.”

************

Jason Todd.

That’s his name. And connections are fast to be made in your brain. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne’s adopted son. That supposedly died…ten years ago.

And is Red Hood now. Oh. It makes sense. Even his little “killing criminals” thing while Batman never killed. You easily put two and two together.

Red Hood. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne.

Wow. Can’t believe you never guessed that before. Of course Bruce Wayne is Batman. He’s got the motive, the means, the excuses…It’s so obvious. And yet, you never realized. And no one else in Gotham ever realized.

Jason Todd.

Now you know his name.

And he’s fixing your window. Nobody ever fixed windows for you before (even those who broke it).

Um. To add to the “perfect man” list : “Handy”.

Jason Todd.

He quickly works the window up, and then he turns to you. While he was working you talked, as if you knew each other for years. Joking around. Like old friends. Like old extremely good and close friends.

It fits. It clicks. It’s natural. You and him, him and you.

Barely knowing each others, and yet knowing each others the best.

Jason. Todd.

He turns to you now, and with a smirk, he says :

“Ya know, my grandma always say that when something good happens to you, you need to celebrate. And I feel like this, right now, you and I, though I have no idea what we’re doing and where it’s going…Well it’s still something to celebrate. And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”

You smile.

Yeah. You don’t know where this thing between you two is going, but you do know that you never met someone who so fully understood you.

And in such a short span of time. And you know you’re not mistaking. It’s a feeling too strong to be a mistake.

He came back to fix your window for god’s sake. And trusted you enough to tell you his actual name. Without a second thought. Which meant everything. Especially since from all the hint he let slip through last time you saw each others, about his father, well…let’s just say telling people his real name wasn’t really something he was used to.

But it just works. It fits. It clicks. It’s not like with your ex, because you don’t think you know it does. It just does. The fact that you say those next few words in perfect sync finishes to convince you :

(“…And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”)

“Salt, tequila, and lemons.”

______________________________________________

I’m so mad the Tumblr app crashed and I deleted the original post...Y’all were great and reblogged the hell out of it ! Which is why it got so many notes in such a short span of times. And feedbacks. I haven’t had that many feedbacks on a story in a long time. So just one last time and I won’t bother you with that again : Please, if you enjoyed this story, don’t hesitate to reblog it and share it with others. People who don’t follow me can’t really find my stories anymore so...you’re a big help by spreading them. It’s always very encouraging.

And if you got the time, feedbacks are always hella appreciated and always make my day a little brighter <3.

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pure-o-soft · 6 years ago

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hi im feeling really bad about myself because i just rememberer when i was what like 11 or 12 maybe 13 i had a dog who had 2 liters of puppies before hand and bc of that her nipples were like rlly weird n long and i remembered when i used to rub her belly id touch them and be like “ha squish soft weird” (nothing sexual at all and it wasnt harming her of course) but looking back i feel like i dont deserve my dog now? i love her more than anything and i feel like i dont deserve to live? (1)

and i told my mother this and she’s like “it literally wasnt sexual at all? and no its not like assaulting a real child. shes a dog. and no i know what sexual assault against animals is and thats not it?” And i just cant believe her for some reason? Its like everything i didnt think twice ab before bc shes a dog like masterbating with her on the bed or changing in front of her or petting her while she licks herself clean after she goes to the bathroom is all coming back at me and im like (2)

-i’m like freaking out over it that im a bad doggy parent and i know im not my dog loves me i never intentionally harm her but im just scared that i did something unforgivable and people would me and that i hurt my dog and now i dont even wanna touch her or look at her bc i feel guilty and i just need some reassurance from you or just from confessing that im not bad? do i sound like a danger to you? I swear im not. (3)

and like i remember doing it in front of my mom right to see if she would say stop or im doing something wrong bc i think even at that age i didnt know? i dont think she said to stop but maybe she did and i was just like psh im not hurting her its a doggy too. Bc she wasnt bothered by it a d it wasnt sexual i was just a stupid ass child and i can tell myself i didnt know any better but what if she DID tell me to stop so technically i DID know better? my mom thinks im overreacting but fuck man

and also i just cant stop thinking ab all the bad things i may have done that are maybe bad or not. how do i even let go of that. its in my head non stop. i cant say i never hurt anyone bc what if i did? what if im an animal abuser? what if i hurt my dog? what if im a bad person? how do i even go on with life knowing i may be a bad person. i dont wanna be alive if im a sicko or i hurt someone or could in the future.

Hi there!

I can tell this is bringing you a lot of grief. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to have these thoughts and fears about someone you love so much! Obsessions can really become consuming and make it hard to think of anything else! I know that this fear and guilt can really put a wedge between you and the things that you love, but you can get your peace of mind back and feel comfortable with your doggie again!

It is important to mention that where obsessions are concerned, even though it may not feel like it now, it’s never the theme that is the problem. Meaning it’s not the fear that you may have hurt your dog, it’s the process of obsessing and doing compulsions. Compulsions can often times be hard to spot, and even seem meaningless at the time. But they are a silent killer! Reassurance seeking, confessing, checking and avoidance are all mental compulsions (and all behaviours that you mentioned doing or seeking above). Doing these things is a response to the anxiety you’re feeling, but it actually continues the cycle of obsessing and makes anxiety worse. It’s how people can get stuck in a constant pattern of obsessing, and not know how to stop or where they’re going wrong! I know that being in the anxiety can be so unbearable and uncomfortable, but often times the best thing to do is to sit in it! Compulsions validate the intrusive and obsessive thoughts, so when you don’t do them, you tell those thoughts that you aren’t giving them the time of day and that they aren’t important! Of course, stopping compulsions are easier said than done. This is where getting help from a professional and coping mechanisms can come in! I think it would really be worth your time to talk to a doctor or a mental health professional about what you’re experiencing (mention not just the content of your thoughts but how these thoughts are effecting you and your daily life and mental health).

From an outsiders perspective, like your mom, your actions and worries will seem very strange and irrational. Which is because these thoughts are irrational!

I’ll offer a coping mechanism that will hopefully help you for the time being (but remember that it would still be best to talk to someone about what’s going on). Whenever you get a thought like “what if I did something inappropriate with my dog” or any variation of that, you can respond as sarcastically as you can! Something like “ya suuuure, Sharon. Whatever you say.” I know this can seem weird, and even feel it when you’re doing it, but this can help to make your thoughts feel less serious and frightening.

I hope this helps, and please know that you can get through this!

#asks #anons #animals

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zebraslovescupcakestoo · 6 years ago

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Golden eyes chapter 23

“We want to talk.” Mickey asked and then it was Oswald's. “And we want answers this time.”

This is the big show down. Two ex-members of the Red Dragons, Now leaders of the Blue Dragon, against the two top leaders and a 'friend' of the Alfonso Mafia...

Used to be good allies for more than six years back, now it's a intense rivalry... with a ninety percent of chance this will turn into a bloodbath in a matter of minutes.

“You monkey freaks have done your job. There's nothing else to discuss anymore.” Bendy told them.

“We came here to get some answers since we're still in town.” Mickey said to him.

“Starting with what are you 'really' after? Why are you attacking the district after we agreed not to shed some blood on the streets?” Oswald then sounded pissed.

“Yeah, and I didn't. I even told the boys not do do it ON the streets... It doesn't included the sidewalks and alleys.” Bendy grinned as he thinks it's a loop hole.

The Disney's didn't like his response. “Why did you killed Mr. Vermelho? He was supposed to be your newest 'partner,' right? What did he do to set you off?” Mickey interrogated.

“He had some 'unfinished' work. He had those South American police on his trail for the necklace and he was getting a bit too close to me. Also, he 'slipped' on the murder too. They found out about how the old fart got murdered despite those doppelgangers' had rid of the evidence. Not to mention, I always wanted a nice, private vacation home over there. His place isn't so bad, just needed a little... 'redecorating' his mansion and 'garden.'”

He ordered his assassination because the police was hot on his tail, didn't 'properly' handled the murder of Mr. Blancheur and not just that, he wanted his home and his weed fields for your business and vacation home... for no cost! I gritted my teeth.

He's just sank one level lower... I need to get to the cylinder machine... and find a way to destroy it permanently!

I quietly crawled on my stomach toward the machine as they continued. “Why are you after our second home? Is it really about our territory and incomes that comes with it you're after?” Oswald questioned. Huh? But it IS what he's after... Right?

“... Why are you asking ME that? I thought you knew better. Or better yet... Why are you two so attached on that little piece of land? You have your grand home and future back in California. Why are you wasting your time here? Are you 'that' worried about me? I didn't know you 'liked' your 'visit' about oh, let's say, more than a year ago? I feel like it's been AGES!” Bendy fired back at them, specifically at Oswald.

I halted for a minute there.

That day... is it about when Bendy did something that makes them regret it? And why does Oswald have anything that makes him the center of attention? Is it... what Bendy did to him?

A lot of thoughts ran through my mind on what they could mean... Knowing how well is Bendy's methods on treating his 'guests', depending on who they are... and their 'relations.'

“Don't jump on a different subject, Bèndàn, What are you really after?” Oswald asked again with a glare.

But Bendy had a different idea... He steps back. “Since we used to be 'friends' and because I kinda 'like' you guys, I'll let these bad boys test you two to see if I REALLY should tell ya what I'm after.” Boris and Boston steps forwads.

“Getting the 'warm' welcoming treatment? That's SO like you. You always take the easy way and letting other do your dirty 'work.'” Mickey stated. I agree with you, mouse. I heard he's lazy enough to have vacations after his days off.

Boris cracked his knuckles. “You kids don't even know who you're dealing with. If you can't pass us, you can't get anywhere close to him.”

“Beat it, you over-thirty year old mattress!” Oswald pointed at him. “Your 'loyalty' and services to that Yúchǔn de èmó makes me want to puke. My brother can take care of himself far better when I'm not at home and he treats his 'co-workers' much better.”

“OH, please! As far as every go lucky animators would say that kind of slop, you southern-born bumpkins have forgotten this ain't like the old days anymore. You're playing with the big boys now.” Boston stretched his arms.

Ouch! I can't think of a comeback against this cowboy....

“I really wish there's another way to settle this... but I guess it's too late for that and I doubt you'll listen either.” Mickey looked at the cowboy with a determined expression. “We'll take your 'bet' and we'll get our answers soon enough.” He then stepped on a pipe that was conveniently next to his left foot as it got tossed in the air just high enough for him to grab it. He then got in a fencing pose.

“Oh, You challenging me to a sword play, eh?” Boston sneered as he picks up his pipe, but it was a bit longer than Mickey's.

“Don't underestimate us just because we're smaller than you two.” Mickey warned them.

“Bendy is more challenging than you two put together, you got nothing.” Boris took off his coat and fedora as he prepares for a brawl against them. He tosses them on a near by crates.

“This will be a payback for what your 'boss' did a year ago...” Oswald glared at him.

He repeated that phrase on what Bendy did to him... Why do I feel like want to know this more than I want to know about my 'sight' secrets and my... lineage?

It only took a few seconds in stare down before they ran toward each other. Excluding Bendy cause he's just sitting on the railway like he's waiting for his turn if they're still standing...

Oswald and Boris clashes first with a headbutt greet and I feel like there was an titan aura coming from them. It's like a kung fu master against a heavy weight champion boxer. Oswald didn't seemed fazed at all... Any other little guy and it's lights out.

Mickey and Boston were greeted with a clanging sound. However, what I didn't know, is that Mickey was like a speeding mice. Ok, that doesn't make sense- WHOAH!

Mickey was REALLY not slacking off on his footwork. His fencing techniques is giving the cowboy a hard time. He did a couple of times of slide circling a half moon and attacking from all different sides to confuse him. He's lucky that Mickey was handling a pipe, if it was an actual sword well... it ain't gonna be pretty.

I though Mickey's specialty was guns and bombs... Unless he learn this new technique later in his life I didn't know about it yet.

I looked back at the other two brawlers. Boris keeps trowing decent punches, but Oswald keeps deflecting them until that one punch nearly scraped pass Oswald's face. But the rabbit quickly did a left uppercut to the wolf's jaw and then he right punches square on his nose. Boris growled and attempted to punch him at full force, but the rabbit was a bit quicker than he thought. Oswald then jabbed him with another fist, this time right at his right side abs. The wolf stumbles a bit until the rabbit smacked the back side of his head and then he punches his face again, sending him falling flat on his back.

Whoa... I feel like I'm amazed yet I'm terrified at the same time... No wonder Bendy had a hard time with them on numerous things. Yet... why are they on number two in the 'underworld'?

Ah! Wait! I can't just sit here and watch. I need to get to that machine. I looked for someway to get down without being noticed. I saw a stair case leading down right next to that machine, but there's no wall for me to hide from them. Unless I can use my whip as a rope and descended it quietly and quickly, but that would need precision timing judging how they all fight and they can see me.

See me... My 'Heat eye' ability! With that I can use it to give me just enough seconds to get down and hide without anyone noticing. I hope...

But it's better than doing nothing here. I quietly walked while I'm keeping my head down until I'm on top of the cylinder machine. I carefully readied and secure my belt for a drop. I then readied myself to get down and I looked at the fight for an opportunity... I closed my eyes and concentrated.

'Just let me get down from here without being noticed.' My head didn't throb as much, but I did feel like time passes slowly as I opened them.

I quickly got over the rail and descended fast as I reached my destination. I landed and then I tugged and unhook my belt. I quickly grab it as I feel like my headache is getting stronger. I ducked where they cant see me on one side of the controller of the cylinder machine. I closed and told it I'm alright and then feel some relief. I think that was pretty good for someone who has awoken his secret 'ability' only for more about a week ago.

Man, I'm gonna have to make a scheduled on how I spend my 'spare' time... if I come out alive.

Alright, now what? I looked back to see if I was spotted by the broken pitch fork. It doesn't appeared he noticed me... I think. I glanced on the side just enough to see the fight.

I first glanced at Mickey and Boston. The mouse still had a good advantage until the cowboy grabbed his pipe. He swung it to the wall next to them, hits Mickey full force, then he swung it at the other two.

They noticed the now flying squirrel launched at them and Oswald took a chance to catch him. He did so and he puts his brother down. The other two took their chance at their vulnerable pose by trying to attack them from behind by hitting them at the back of their heads.

But they were no match for their quick reactions as they synchronized a dodgy barrel roll. As soon as they turn to them and at a quick draw, Boston has taken out a pistol.

And shot them dead straight to their hearts. The brothers had their eyes wide opened when it hit them, until they dropped on the floor after a few seconds later.

There was silence in the factory. I was horrified, shaken, my mouth was opened yet I couldn't scream...

No...

“No. Way... You lucky bastard!” Bendy complimented. He got off his seating and he got up and close in between his two friends to see his ex-friends. As I would expected from him, he maniacally laugh it off, added a 'personal' cheer leading verse and a dance.

“Ah hahahaha! Whoo! RAT SH!T! RABBIT SHIT! DYING ON THE FLOOR! AIN'T GONNA LIVE PASS TWENTY FOUR! HOORAY! DISNEY SUCKS! F#K!” He ended the last word with a double middle finger up in the air.

I didn't cared what he reacted... Mickey... Oswald... No... I tried to held back my tears, but they streamed away anyway.

They're dead... they died in a reckless attempt for trying to stop Bendy... This can't be happening for real...

“Um, Bendy... they're not bleeding.” Boris said. Huh? Not... bleeding?

“What?” Bendy 'calmly' replied. He picks up the pipe Mickey had earlier and went to the bodies. He raises his weapon. “You're supposed to bleed, you stupid motherf-”

To everyone's surprise, Mickey has perfectly caught the other end of the pipe before the demon made his first blow. We all gasped, but Bendy was the most expressive at the reaction.“WHAT?! YOU'RE STILL ALIVE?!”

Mickey took this opportunity to quick draw his gun, which I might add seems a bit familiar... He shot at Boston's pistol and it flew off his hands. It might be a fast reaction, but I did got a good look at the 'used to be' pistol that is now a blob once it hit the floor. It's that one of the weapons Oswald has crafted? WAIT! OSWALD! He's still on the floor! I looked back at them... Only to see Boris being double kicked in the face and fall flat on the floor. Mickey has successfully retrieved the pipe from Bendy with a good hand man-oeuvre. They both regain some space and from what I see, they're all alright.

I then feel a rush of relief... Thank you, God. I smiled and exhaled. Wait... Something... doesn't seem right. The bullets that Boston shot has hit RIGHT at the hearts. How are they still standing like that? It should have been a fatality.

The cowboy rushed at the door leading to somewhere. Then my 'sight' was acting up again. Huh? 'What is it this time?' I close my eyes and mentally asked it. I see a flash and opened my eyes. I 'saw' a big machine gun that's on the other side of the wall. At it's about in the range of the Disney's positions.

I don't know how they are still alive from that shot, but I'm not going to take another chance with that machine gun.

“What the h#ll, how dare you're both still alive? Boston has never missed a shot!” Boris got up and asked, backing up a bit.

They still didn't responded. “What are you guys now? Zombies? Undead? WHAT?! I want answers, or I'll cut them out!” Bendy took out again his switch blade he had earlier. I then 'saw' Boston setting up and aimed away from his two 'friends' and at the Disney brothers.

Is that what... oh no... no, not again! I'm not going to let that second chance go to waste!

I didn't cared if my cover was blown when I jumped out of my hiding spot and passed by the two gangsters as they got surprised at my appearance. I immediately leaped towards them, grab them both as we landed flat one the floor and in just at the nick of time. There was a flashing rain of bullets that shot through that wall. I heard Bendy shouted something but the rounds of bullets were too loud for me to hear what he was saying.

Once it was silenced again, we immediately looked back at them. “You GOTTA BE SH!TTING ME?! THE ACE DEFECTIVE? HERE? AND HE'S WORKING WITH YOU TWO DIP SH!TS?!” Bendy pointed out at me.

I didn't think this through, but... at least he doesn't know about 'us' yet. I got up. “No, I came here on my own free will, and I'm putting you under arrest for three account of accessory of murders under your command AND executed yourself, illegal possession of potentially deadly drugs, illegal owner of a stolen necklace and an attempted murder of two well known people. I have some hard evidence, so there's no way you'll escape THESE charges this time, Bendy Drew!” And I pointed at him. The other got up too.

His eyes twitched and glowed red. “How DARE you called me that? My last name is De Mon! Either remember that or I'll scar it deep enough on your skin so you can remember it!” He pointed again, this time with his switch blade.

I kept continuing. “Starting with that cylinder machine and those 'special' herbs. I know where those are-!” He did an attempt to stab me, but we were a bit quick on our feet and we separated a bit. Now it's just me and him. I continued.

“-AND where you'll get them. I also found out about how you 'conducted' the murder of Mr. Blancheur and Mr.Vermelho. I'll even include my witness account of one of your 'employee' under the railway too.” He then attempted to slash horizontally at my face, but I bend over in a nice close shave. I then saw something on the tip of that 'unusual' switch blade...

Then Boston reappeared. “Why in tarnation do I hear like that cat was- Oh... Dang...” He didn't expect to see me here.

“Help me with the other pipsqueaks, Bendy can handle him.” Boris shouted and they went after them again.

I hope they don't have a second gun on them, but right now I need to focus on this evil master mind first.

“You keep forgetting who's in charge here, cat boy. I OWN THIS CITY AND THE LAWS!” He tried to stab me with a jab, but with my past training on 'deflecting' the weapons, I hand palm my left hand to his switch blade holding right hand just before he thinks he got me. The weapon flung high in the air between us as we were back to back. We both saw it, turned around and we both jumped up to reach it and grab it before the other one gets it. Bendy may have that speed demon skills when his eyes turned, but I also have my 'other' skills that I can now compete...

When we landed, we were back to back again. Bendy looked at his hand to see he didn't got it. But I do. I smirked. He then got angry, turned around with a swinging kick, said 'f#k off' and he flung his blade in the air again out of MY hands. He then right punched me right in the face, then I countered back with the same move and place, then I quickly hook punched my left fist at his stomach, he patted some drops, he then hit my face with another right punch and then we both tried to kick each other off with one blow with our right legs. We both landed a good solid hit on the chests and we BOTH took the hit, hard. We stumbled a bit until we both looked up again to see the switch blade coming back. We both unintentionally used our right legs again to kick it out of our fighting range.

Judging from our position, the switch blade and our 'space', it's going straight to our legs. Once again I used my 'heat eye' ability and I carefully judge the timing... He's no slouch at 'this' speed... I suddenly have that sharp pain rushed in my head and I winced.

I felt something from my leg, but it was dull. I opened my eyes again just to see Bendy's switch blade piercing his leg and he yelped in pain before we both stumbled away from each other. I still felt that throbbing pain in my head and my vision stared to blur a bit and it hurts just by looking... What is this pain? And why do I feel like I've been drained too?

It took a lot of strength to get myself up... I staggered a bit but I was still in better shape than Bendy right now. He's bleeding from his leg as he held it and in agony.

“F#K! SONUVABEACH! F#KN CAT! I'M SOOOO GONNA SKIN YOU ALIVE AND TURN YOU INTO A- GAH!” He took out the switch blade from his injury. BAD idea. It will bleed even more, but, it didn't... instead, the blood became black and it almost stopped the bleeding. His eyes were red again.

“On second thought, you might have improved on the last time we've brawled... But you're still no match to me, let alone those two circus freaks.” He maniacally but quietly told me with his signature grind. I glanced at their fights to see what we've missed, but so far it's the same struggling situation on the second floor. I quickly checked on him again so I don't get caught off guard if he attacks. He still haven't made his next move.

In my current state, I need to end this now and try to bust that cylinder machine before I faint on the spot. Lend me some strength until the end, please. I asked him. “Since we're both on edge here, is it a bad time to tell me the REAL reason why you are after your old ex-comrades? You've done enough damage as it is.”

He raised an eye brow.“Aw, Have you forgot? They're-”

“Used to be friends, but 'someone' had stabbed them in the back. Just out of my curiosity 'nature,' who was it, really?” I want to know. “Huh?” He asked displeased. “You're-” “AH!!!” I heard Mickey's shout as he was nearly fell off the second floor safety rails by hanging from his left arm. I immediately shouted his name along with Oswald. Boston was going to hit him with a average sized wooden crate until he loses his grip on the rail and was falling.

I immediately rushed towards him despite my exhaustion state. I reached out my arms to grab him and... I caught him but we both stumbled to the ground in the process. It might have been worse if I didn't break his fall... Oswald rushes down the stairs towards us. “Mickey! Felix!” He shouted. “I'm fine... Felix?” Mickey asked. “I... I'm just a bit exhausted...” I responded out of breath. What's wrong with me? I never felt THIS exhausted whenever I'm on these missions.

Wait! We're in a middle of a group fight! I glanced at Bendy and my 'sight' was acting up. I blinked to see what is it again and this time... He was hiding a very familiar gun... the same ones the police uses! Worse still, he pulls it out and he aimed at Oswald! I immediately jumped at the rabbit before he pulls that trigger.

The sound of another gun shot had echoed through the factory. We both ducked sideways and smacked landed on one of the mats that was left unpacked on the floor. “Ozzy! Felix!” Mickey rushed in. Oswald just chuckled. “Ha! Now THAT'S what I called a triple A service and-Ah! Crap!” His mood switched quickly when he saw some blood stains on his stomach.

Mickey gasped with his right hand covering his mouth and his left pointing at something with his eyes wide opened. It wasn't his brother's blood that stained his vest...

It was mine.

The bullet had struck at my right back side and it must have came in contact when we fell. I was taking deep breath and I was holding on to my life. He got me instead.

“Ah SH!T! Felix!” Oswald eyes were widen at my injury from that shot that was meant for him. He quickly detached my whip belt and Mickey had taken off his black jacket and passes it to him. Boris and Boston then joined up with Bendy.

“Oh? Did the cat took a bullet for the rabbit?” Bendy asked playfully. Mickey angrily looked back at him. “Bendy! That wasn't fair!” “Life is NEVER fair, Micks. You need to learn when you have to do whatever it takes to get what you want. Not everyone has their life all set like yours...” He twirled his gun a bit.

“That gun...” Mickey whispered. Oswald had just finished wrapping my waist with Mickey's jacket, to prevent further blood loss.

“Oh, that? You remembered this old thing? It used to belong to Chayton, you know? Alfonso's son? I kinda 'borrowed' it back then... He used to collect these 'hard to get' weapons back when he was alive... Meh!” He then handed over to Boris and he break it like a twig with his right hand. “It was only good for one bullet anyways. The carriage was all f#ked up for somewhat reason.”

“Then... was it you? You're the one who made that shot on that 'last job?'” Mickey questioned softly, but feared.

“I'm only guilty of taking without asking to show ya one time and then holding as a 'possession' until I'm bored with it. It was almost useless and empty anyways.” Bendy vaguely answered. I then started to see some 'yellow' toning in my vision.

Mickey gasped softly. “Then... it was him? But... why are you still after our district? The REAL reason?” He looks like he was about to cry.

Bendy then made a disgust expression and finally gave up his answer...

“Oh my F#king @$$! My 'REAL' reason this and that?!” He was about to to loose it, but then he smiled and calmly answered. “I guess I'll say it if it will shove a sock in it.” He took two steps forward like he's the boss before we got our answer. “If there is one thing I love better than money... Aside from the love of my life...” He smooth talked before he made an angry expression on his next statement. “...Revenge.”

Their expression was shocked. “What?” Mickey said and then Oswald asked. “For what? We didn't-” Bendy cuts him off. “Shut it, Half-a-nesse! Before I'll make sure I'll break you again and this time I'll f#k you up even harder.” He pointed at him. Oswald held back his words and his left eye slightly twitched... I feel somewhat strange... but I'm still trying to hold on to my conscious to make any sense on what he's talking about and trying to listen through my heartbeat pounding in my head.

“The REAL reason why I wanted that territory, aside the incomes, is so that I can take it away from the ones who DOESN'T DESERVES it and turn it into dust. You BOTH deserted me and the others when those sh!t whippers came and took out almost all of 'US'” He made those quote marks gesture. “If you didn't willy nilly rejoined with that helicopter father, I would have behaved slightly differently. But I guess that inheritance and all that sh!t has made you like a f#king cheap cupcake. Too soft for your own good and it makes me ANGRY!” He stomped his left foot and some of his black blood had squirted out. “Whatever happened to sticking together schtick? That promised we all made along with it?” He then sounded sad. “We're gonna take back and make our future the way we wanted... Change this rotten luck we had... We... had a sh!tty parent who makes us runaways...We then both had found a new family... We had it all when we were at the prime time of our teenage lives...” He then started shaking and crying... I never seen him like that before... Unless it was an act. “But then when those Eastern Bastards came and took out half of us and your mentors, you both weren't there!” He lashes out his anger.

“And who's REAL fault was that?” Oswald countered. “We've been expelled from the gang after your 'last' visit that day you've turn us over to the police and our father! It was NEVER our 'fault.' It's your bosses' and yours! YOU and the other two have shipped us out!” He told them off... I remembered that other half of Mickey's story way back then... I winced in pain when my sides started to burn harder. Oswald noticed my struggling...

“You could have still stick around on your own free will... But then again... I guess things didn't go as well as it planned to be... After that massacre, I found out that the disbanded Red Dragon's territory had a pretty well advantages and a good income for a mafia guys like myself... plus, 'they' were long gone before 'ours'... and it was in 'chaos' just the way I like it.” Bendy regained his masterminded speech. “With my past experiences, all I needed to have that piece of territory, is for that 'land permit.' It was almost in my grasp... Until SOMEBODY decided to show up again and 'reclaimed' it as if they THINK they had RIGHTS!” He tone it up a bit as he looked back at Mickey.

“You BOTH had to interfered my 'night job' just so you can still think you idiots can 'change' this society... What good will it do if you had to take care of almost EVERYBODY you both came in contact with? You think you both are BETTER than I am? ME! the 'undertaker' of the underworld, a GRAND animator that's better than 'you', a bigger celebrity than all of your puny animated company with the old fart himself included! You two are just a pair of Robin Hoods rip offs who hides their f#king faces under a clown masks in public and internationals alike. SO HOW CAN A PIECE OF THRASH LIKE YOURSELVES IS MORE SPECIAL THAN I AM?!” He's now getting off the subject.

“Is this the real reason you wanted our territory for? To get even with us because of our father's company and the inheritance?” Mickey trembled but softly said. “Haven't I told you before that I wanted to earn that position the right way?! And all of that talk of yours on what we 'should have' done our lives, and what it had given us instead... IT WAS NEVER PLANNED IN THE FIRST PLACE!” He shouted back. “Bendy, we've been in the same place like you were before, but there's a difference between being what you are and who you want to be.”

They then started to laugh. “Mickey, you think being a gangster, a top member next to the 'boss' at that, is f#king easy? And who do you think you're talking to?” Boris responded. Oswald was getting tried of this stalling conversation. “It's always easy to be an @$$hole like yourselves, but it ain't gonna be worth it once your title of 'king of mafia' crown is knocked off. You'll get what you REALLY deserves, and you better pray it ain't gonna be 'US' to do the job when that day comes.” He threateningly said to them.

They then draw their guns aside Boston, which he was frowning since they only had two on them, at us. “We can fix that.” Bendy answered. “After we dispose of you three, I'll finally be able to take over ALL of the police and the Chinatown district. In just a few days, I'll be OFFICIALLY the real KING of Chicago crime mob syndicates. Then, I'll start planning to extend my empire... but for now...” He took aim at Mickey. “As my last act of 'kindness' since we're old 'friends,' all you three musketeers, rest easy and DIE!” He smile very widely as he was about to pull the trigger.

I then feared the worst again and this time, I can't move. NO!

Suddenly, Bendy's expression was then changed into a surprised look with a 'Urk!'

Then what really surprises me is that he dropped the gun and then he fell down... and he started to sleep! What the-?!

“Bendy!” Boris shouted as he went to get him but Boston had held him back just in time before another 'thing' had flung passed him. One false step would have made him the same state as Bendy.

Is that...!!! It was confirmed who it was when I heard my friends voice.

“Take one shot at them and I'll send you to dream land!” They all looked up to see who the heck it was... Sammuel Toutsaint!

“..Sam...” I wheezed then coughed up a bit of blood. Boston then tries to take the gun from Boris for an attempt to shoot him, but then there was a gust of wind passes them and they were surprised. “What in tarnation is that?!” Boston asked and then there was another familiar Irish voice. “Gun ho!” Woody shouted. “Hey hot buns! Special delivery!” He tosses it to Oswald and then he crushes Boris' gun. They both then teamed up with them and Boris retrieved Bendy and placed him like a bride style in his arms. “Ah Sh!t, Felix! You're shot!” Woody looked at me, worried about my condition. Sam was the same, but he was pissed but he kept his guards up. “How many times I told you NOT to go alone with THESE types, Ostie criss de tabarnak!”

You guys... I'm so sorry... I then felt a tear falling down on my cheeks.

“Seems like we ended our battle with a draw. Thanks to those two bird brains.” Boris spatted. “But next time, you won't be so lucky, and your 'lucky' title won't last much longer.” He glared at us.

Mickey pulled out something, but it looks like a pen... no wait, it looks a bit familiar... “Once Bendy wakes up, tell him this: The Blue Dragons will remain a neutral territory. But he's not going to get his new 'products' on our streets or anywhere else.” He then pushed the button on the top. There was then a big explosion and they all looked at the cylinder machine. I can barely looked at it, but it seems like there was a bomb hidden in that thing... Did they planned ahead? What... who are they really?

“Aw DANG! He's gonna get pissed!” Boston raised an eyebrow, as if he didn't cared in this situation.

I then felt someone had picked me up in bridal style too.. and it was Oswald... OSWALD?! My face then got very red. NO, PLEASE! I'D RATTHER HAVE THE PIGGY BACK RIDE! I'm mentally draining faster than before.

“Also, tell him this message from his 'dealer': Your 'membership account' is terminated. We'll settle this in another day.” Mickey ended their conversation before they had to leave. He then says. “Let's get out of here. Felix need to go to a hospital. Fast.''

We all scattered out of the factory as we approach to the car... I suddenly feel like I'm floating... and the last thing I saw was the rabbit's face before I lost conscious... again....

------

I was then 'awaken' in a very darken area. I feel like I was still floating, but I feel like I'm in some sort of underwater.

Where am I? Am I... dead? No! I can't be dead! Not yet! I need to be there for my family and friends!

As soon as I opened my mouth, I can't breathe. Something had prevented me to do so. I covered my mouth, but then I felt something sharp at my side where I was shot. I winced and let out whatever air I had in me. I needed oxygen, fast. I then saw someone with a white robe with a golden chain attached to her neck, she looks familiar... and she looks almost like me-!!!

“Mom...” I softly whispered. She then reached out for my left hand and the ring has started to glow brighter. I then feel like I can breathe again, but I was blinded by a white light.

------

I suddenly feel like I was in a different room when I came to. Am I awake? No. I don't remembered being standing when I lost my conscious. Normally, I would be lying down first. I looked around to see where am I. It's not anywhere I remembered before... It seems more... like a clinic, judging from the settings and the curtains.

I then saw a senior doctor with a mustache coming in. I was going to greet him until he passes right through me. I was surprised. I patted myself and I didn't pass through like a ghost... what kind of a dream is this?

“How's the little one? Is he sleeping well?” The doctor asked. Huh? I turned around and I saw him talking to someone behind the curtains. I went to see who it was and when I did saw who it was, I was shocked.

It was my mother... and she's holding a baby... is this me?... a flashback from when I was born? I don't remember this. Is this one of those crazy 'ability' from Bastet? Or something else that she wanted me to see?

“He's doing fine. Thank you so much for helping us on such a short notice, Dr. Kettle.” She said as he stroke 'my' little head.

“It was nothing, Féline. I owe you one for returning the stolen medicine from those troublesome Irish Gang members.” The doctor replied. “Have you decided a name for the new rascal?”

She looked at the baby and smiled. “I think Felix would suit him. His hair looks is like that black cat from an early cartoon I've seen a long time ago.” I was surprised. She was the one who named me? Mom... I tried to reach for her until my head started to throb, the room is blurring and it changed into a different area.

Once all's been settled, I was in some sort of an alley way. I saw a street light at my right with someone I recognized very well... BEFORE that 'accident' and he seems like he was in his early thirties... maybe.

“Dad?” I was astounded. I can still remembered his 'human' features when I was very little and I knew that it IS him! Why is he doing here? I heard some high heels clacking closer at my left. I turned at who it was and it looked like a lady in a red overcoat, with a matching red hat with yellow ribbon, a yellow sweater and she also had red high heels to match the outfit. She is also carrying a basket too... I was shocked when she came into the light to see who she was. “Mom?!” I spoke louder.

What's going on? What is this? I don't... remember any of this. I saw my father approaching to her with a serious expression on his face. She had a sad face, like she might have done something that upset him. “Did you bring him?” He asked and she nodded. She gently placed down the basket, lifted the lid, and I was shocked. It was me... I was asleep, but it was me. She gently scooped 'me' up and she embraced 'me.' “I'm sorry for keeping this a secret for so long... They are after me, and God know what they'll do to him if he's found out. You're the only person I can trust with him...I know it's hard to-” My father cuts her off, by glaring. That look frighten her, as well as myself. He took a deep breath and said.“I didn't agreed to take him just for you... I know he's mine too. If you had told me about this sooner, things would have been different and you wouldn't be giving him up right now.” She shed a tear down her left cheek and quietly sobbed. I felt pain in my chest... is this what they've meant? That part where I was... given up for my safety?

She held 'me' close for one last time and gave 'me' a kiss before she handed me over to him. She also took off her right glove to reveal a golden lioness ring. It must be that Golden ring of Sekmeth that I was 'supposed' to have! She took it off and handed that over too. “I don't think I need to explained what this is and what it does. You know it from the times we spent together...” He took it and placed it one of his pockets. “I know. I'll tell him when the times comes, speaking of him, did you gave him a name by any chance?” He asked her. “Felix. Please let him keep that name for me as my last favor.” She begged him. He was silenced for a minute while he looked at 'me.' His answer then shocked me. “I will. Just promised me also that you must NEVER show your face to him again... not while 'they' are on you.”

He turns around and leaves. My mother then started to cry quietly. “Gerald... my Felix... I'm sorry...” She sobbed a bit and I was crying too. “Mom...” I was reaching out to her, I wanted to hug her and tell her 'It's alright, I'm here!' But as soon as I lay a hand on her, she 'disintegrated' into dust. My eyes widen at the reaction. She was gone... and then I looked back to see my father standing in the street light. I was still feeling pain in my heart again, but there was also some anger that started to show.

“Dad... Why?...” I cried and I yelled. I then got up and walked to him. “She needed both of us! Why would you do that? And why did you keep this from me all this time?” I stopped behind his back. “You may be my father, but I had the right to know who was my mother too! Just... TELL ME WHY DIDN'T YOU-!” I pointed shouted at him until suddenly, I was then roughly got grabbed from my wrist by him, he turned around to look at me, but his 'image' was changed. He was much older looking with the cyborg clash from that day he was in a horrible accident. And what I remembered form the last time I saw him... He looked me straight in the eyes, glaring.

That look gave me chills down my spine, I feel a migraine rushed in my head and I was getting a bit nauseous. The scenery started to spin faster and it changes again. My father still held on to my grip as I tried to held myself together without throwing up. I screamed in pain when my eyes were burning and I saw a painful, flashing, white light again...

TO BE CONTINUED... Chapter 24.

Read chapter 22 here or the beginning here.

What what?! Did I just finish my whole story yesterday? YES I DID!!!!

Tune in tomorrow for the next chapter, cause it’s going on a daily release!

BBTIM Characters Belong to Marini4. Some OCs belong to me.

#bendy before the ink machine #bendy the dancing demon #boris the wolf #boris johnson #boston #felix #felix the cat #mickey #mickey mouse #oswald #oswald the lucky rabbit #OC #fanfiction #marini4

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leonbastralle · 7 years ago

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Malmine’s Day Out In Berry World (And More) - Replies

i could absolutely get used to this, also sorry for the wall of text but i think read more works on mobile now?

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: I HAVE THE BEST WIFE HA HA HA!!!!! ALSO FOOD!”

mAAAAAAARR STOP BEING SUCH A HUGE NERD

HE CANT THIS IS WHO HE IS

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

IM GOING TO HIRE U UR BETTER AT CAPPING THEM THAN I AM ❤️ 😭👌🏼

wtf nOOO your shots are so aesthetic i just take a billion pics and post them all but also pls hire me for anything thanks

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

YESSSS

WOOOOOOOOOO

pixeldemographics replied to your post “I heard you wanted to see a weirdo (not)”

Wow a cutie patootie with an extremely Adequate Shirt!! ❤️

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

Hell. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

THEIR FIRST DIP KISS I CANT BELIEVE IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

mar stop manhandling ur wife also they cant escape their origin story lmao

its gr8 man i wish i could do smth cool with art and shadows now

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

IM Dying AND LIVING SO MUCH RN THANK U THANK U THIS IS A BALM AFTER U KNOW WHAT

tHATS GOOD THATS GR8 IM FEELING V ACCOMPLISHED

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

@1st pic mar wheres that hand going mar what are u doing

pl A C E S u kno thats just how he is

man i sure lov those presidents and their impure thoughts in public places

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: Jessamine! You did great. J: Why thank you! You weren’t too bad...”

Yes YESSSSS APPRECIATE EACH OTHER JESS RUN UR HANDS ALL OVER THAT BACK

now thats a comment i could have written

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: I want death.”

MY DUDE ITS PART OF BEING A POLITICIAN

i KNOW I JUST HAD TO

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

theres my perfect daughter in law

:o she is man

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “after today I’ll actually gonna stop spamming sims I can’t take credit...”

who the fuck is this tho idk her lmao

your goddess thats who

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “local alien cinnamon roll still a cinnamon roll”

can i adopt her please (i dont remember if i did already or not)

u can totally adopt and/or marry her tho tbh adopting WOULD probably be better since glow would get v sad and pathi v mad if u married her...well find someone else for u to marry if youd like and its not creepy

pixeldemographics replied to your post “wcifthe eyes of blue guy that trellis talked to?”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! iM LOVING THE TAGS EYE EMOJI

tHANK YOU I WASNT SURE IF THEY WERE TOO MUCH BUT SOMEONE TOLD ME TO DO IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: Good game, Trellis! T: Man…it seems talent just can’t beat youth....”

im crying so much jess is back at it with the selfies and trellis im so proud of trellis she is so GOOD

sAME I HAV A LOT OF FEELINGS FOR BOTH OF THEM ALSO LIL JESS OUTING HERSELF ABT HER FLAME OBSESSION ONCE MORE

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: Okay, remind me again why we HAVE to have a hot president?”

Ok trellis but......... a concept......... its gr8 he beat his meat to get here

i mean since im a troll and like to put impossible knowledge in my sims trellis has a clue or two but if it was confirmed to her i assure you she would appreciate the work that went into those biceps

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

ASSSSSS

aLSO A COOL SHOT SMH

pixeldemographics replied to your post “9, 10”

;) ;) ;) im living for this potential murdering for the challenge

;) ;) ;) ;) ;) dude i might have to tell you because i wanna tell someone and you inspired this so...and for all we know i might never get to gen 8 which would mean id never finish the rainbowcy and start smth new so

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

dUNKED

fun fact abt this shot: i drew half of the fuccin net because the bball always clips through it during this and i hated it so much because i loved the shot a lot

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

mAKE MOMMA PROUD

ALWAYS SHE WAS SO DAMN GOOD

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

dan trellis has some nice legs :o GO GIRL

well she got a lot of exercise but i too would lov naturally hairless legs

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

smh opal arent u supposed to support ur partner in balls

opal dont support anyone that aint sprout tbh

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “O: Woooooooooo!! Not bad, Mr President. M: Please never call me that...”

i MEAN trellis did u check those ABS and GUNS and bAD SHOULDERS OUT???

shE DID TRUST ME SHE TOOK A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE THESE ABS AND GUNS AND BAD SHOULDERS AND MORE

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “?”

idk what happened with that comment im dead

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “?”

cOME ON AND SMAAAAASH AND WELCOME TO THE JAM 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀

i dont know man but its beautiful

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

jfsdsfjdsfsd im crying so much im dead and im so glad mar is like..... giving nip town some much needed rep

he is man he is i need more of it but i also dont wanna b too obnoxious abt it...and also im realising the only other nip town rep on this blog will probably b snowdrifticus...

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

ill b very honest and admit that in light of recent conversations this image can have some...... er ot i c....... connotations...... which is to say...... i lov it

cATII PLS I TOOK THIS AS AN AESTHETIC INNOCENT SHOT

(but also yes. yes y e ss YE S)

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

PROTECC THESE KIDS FROM THIS DISFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

ILL TRY MAN i dont think the fam is gonna b the biggest danger to them tho

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

ALSO I LOV THEIR PROFILES I LOV THEM I LOVE PULSES SASS AND U KNO HOW I FEEL ABT HER IN GENERAL (WINK WINK)

i kNO HOW U FEEL ABT HER YES I KNO JUST WELL I KNO U WANT THAT MIDDLE FINGER (im sorry the friend u ordered is broken ill get u a refund)

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

OK FIRST OFF THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING AESTHETIC IM CRYING SO HARD RN

aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???????????????? CAN U NOT YOURE AESTHETIC GOALS AND YOU CALL THIS AESTHETIC I CRY IVE BEEN APPROVED BY THE AESTHETIC QUEEN??

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *regrets challenging the boss of everything* M: Did the ball really...”

Also i cry bc if she shortens her name as usual its mar which is sea in portuguese and just adds to the whole aesthetic :’)

;____________; yE S

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *regrets challenging the boss of everything* M: Did the ball really...”

It seems like mar is not the only one who handles balls well 👀 👀 👀

i mean...there is a possibility that she does too i wouldnt know.......theres actually a possibility that they r all pretty skilled i wonder why

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

Is that a face of....... r e g r e t

probably, trellis is competitive af and v easily gets insecure when shes not the best (aka me???)

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: He’s so cute! T: Isn’t he? I did good. Is Martinique joining us...”

But im crying and dying and thriving so hard rn u said this was the fave IT IS I LOVE THIS SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️

;______________________________________________; i too am crying in retrospect and was crying

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: He’s so cute! T: Isn’t he? I did good. Is Martinique joining us...”

Jess would probably love to b slam dunked tbh i cant believe her

👀 👀 *halamshiral eavesdrop voice* inTERESTINGGGG pls tell me mor

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: I assume that’s a rhetorical question. I’ll browse the shops for...”

jess: wow love!!!

her face looking at shine and trellis gave me life she was probably like...mar too likes to do this...and that...i wonder if he too will still do that when were older...will he stay with me...i sure hope so

and trellis was like well if he dont u kno shine will freeze him and then ill literally kill him so i bet he dont want to risk that

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *giggles* Shine, come on. I’d have thought you knew me better than...”

i approve of trellis conscientious citizenship i LOV HER

sAME IM SO GLAD I GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO DEVELOP THIS PART OF HER

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *giggles* Shine, come on. I’d have thought you knew me better than...”

lmao i bet shine is picturing this in one of those top 10 anime betrayals meme

yes absolutely can u pls make a meme out of this and also everything

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: I’m here, darling…oh, Jess! Hi! You made it! J: Trellis! Ready for...”

cOME ON AND SLAM AND WELCOME TO THE JAM

YOU GOT IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Mrs Lilywhite! Is that you? What a coincidence! It’s good to see...”

dsjasdsasdajdsajsadjsad im living and dying and crying so much ANNIEEEEEEEE

aksjfbakjsbfkajbsfknajsbfaksjf already ;_;

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Wait, isn’t that…”

yES YES IT IS SJSDJDJSDFFSDDSF

me watching you commenting:

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “It’s time for a group outing on Trellis’ day off!”

i lov the sound of that warning i know ill die

same always

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

follow up question whats flames fave type of meme

flame is flame he loves every meme he IS every meme but a few selected faves would be alien guy, doge, breadsticks, ermergerd, history of...um...whatever the berry name of japan is my color page isnt working xD and dark kermit i think those are some of his faves yes

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

i cant believe aur went to the gym and play with his b balls ;)

but can u rly not because i can, i too would if u hav such mighty balls u gotta give them some appreciation

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

i cant believe ficus is surrounded by ppl who give middle fingers and trELLIS TOTALLY HAS THE FACE OF A MURDERER YES

hES SO SAFE (ALSO NOT RLY) and thank you because she absolutely considered to get in on som fango plots

pixeldemographics replied to your post “special noses (u rly vary ur shape) and fluffy lips, they always look...”

the lips mostly!! but theyre always in combo with the nose i cant describe it but yes these soft kids

;________________; i mean...i guess they are their mothers children...

#pixeldemographics #replies #non-sims #saviorhide

6 notes · View notes

very-cherry · 8 years ago

Note

Hey. Hi. Big fan. I don't watch half of the shows that you reblog, but your enthusiasm is quality. Um.. this is super personal, so I totally understand if you don't answer, but how did you realise you were nb?

omg im so sorry you have sat through my tags for this long, buddy you deserve better lmao. but no this is super okay to talk about, and ya its personal but im alright with it bc sometimes its nice to talk about?? like its a lot easier to explain over here rather than to my family (rip) but yeah i can get into it. um, itll be under the cut tho bc its a long answer, so if my other followers (or people who may get triggered) dont wanna read like ya theres that

the short answer: i realised last year, bc of everything that piled up and me finally finding the time to sit down and Think About It.

(tl;dr: at the bottom if youre not here for the Super Long answer)

the long answer: gender had never come easily to me as a kid, like i understood that girls played with dolls and that boys played with trucks. but i also was raised in a family where girls could play with trucks too, as long as they still looked like girls. so from the get go i had a v “tomboyish” look about me, and how i presented myself. i found i was v comfy with the tomboy label growing up, bc it meant i could play with the boys but still be sensitive and emotional while the boys werent allowed to feel like that

my biggest stepping stone tbh was (is) my mother. now if youve followed me for a while you probably know that while my mother loves me, and i suppose i love her (still up in the air), our relationship is v v v v Tense. this is due mostly to the fact that she has this preconceived notion of what the world looks like, and how people should act and present themselves. for her, to have me as a child saying “i wanna dress like a boy” “i wanna be a boy” was no biggie bc i was Just A Kid and would grow up to flourish into a beautiful young woman. which, for the most part, i did. but that doesnt mean i enjoyed it. from the age i was allowed to dress myself, my mother and i would fight about my clothing choices (and i literally mean fight. she would refuse to take me somewhere if i didnt dress the way she wanted. would throw my own clothes at me or on the road outside our house etc) and she would dub my clothes “too casual” and tell me to “dress up” and “look a bit more girly, please?” which i now know is totally Gross and not v nice, but at the time i didnt know any better, i hadnt grown into myself. this, alongside many years of condemnation in regards to my interests and hobbies and things i just enjoyed and wanted to talk about, just Didnt Add Up to my mother. she loved having two pretty daughters, pretty daughters who could wear dresses and live out the life she couldnt bc she fell pregnant with my older sister at 19, and thus had to grow up v quickly (no blame on my sister tho, shes my favourite person in the world and shes trying v hard to understand me and loves me v much)

fast forward a couple years: i was 15 when i first developed my eating disorder. quite frankly, it was only upon realising that im nb as to how i figured out what my ed was Actually About. i didnt like my curves. i didnt like being “girly”. i did constant misguided ab workouts and ate three rice cakes for lunch, followed by nothing but a banana until dinner. my sleep patterns were hit and miss bc i would either write away the pain or stay up wondering what this Thing i was feeling was (spoiler: it was dysphoria). i tried super hard to love my curves, to own myself and how i looked, but it never felt Right. i never understood. i would see my psychologist and ramble about my ed and she would pinpoint it and say it was curves and i would always just say “but its not”. bc it wasnt Just Curves, it was the idea as a whole. and it was v confusing and scary, so much like my exploration into my sexuality, i just put it off.

it was combating my ed that helped me most, i think. it was getting over it, and forcing myself back into a natural sleep pattern (so i could actually do year 12 without wrecking myself). i didnt get over it until around april 2016, which was when i fell in love with the idea of self love, and decided to give it a go. i listened to my psychologist, and she was v patient with me, and was cautious with where i placed my blame (”yes its your mothers fault for making you react and feel this way, her words hurt you. but youre the one that decides what to do with that negativity”) and it was so so so helpful. she taught me that i was deserving of love, and positivity, and that loving youself is a process, and it doesnt always work the way you want it to, but you need to find what makes you happy and keep doing that. for me, that tied into my food, my talents, my friends, and my actions. im not going to sit here and claim that fitness is key to happiness, but its part of whats key to mine (to the point that i have been inspired to become a personal trainer and teach other people that being “healthy” isnt just about food and exercise). each person has their own individual things that keep them balanced, and if yours is painting your nails instead of doing sit ups fucking go for it - just make sure you find that thing, because it gives you clarity.

my clarity hit me in the beginning of year 12, when i Sat Down and really had a think. i thought back to how i wanted to look growing up, how i wanted to act, i remembered the day i first had a proper bra bought for me instead of a crop top and the way i cried for hours that night without knowing why. i remember not wearing shirts to bed and then suddenly feeling awful when i started having to. i remembered trying to wear boxer shorts and nothing else around the house and being yelled at. i remembered telling my dad i wanted to look how he did when he was 18, and yelling at him when he said “but dont you want to be pretty like your mum”. i remembered my sister cutting my hair in the dead of night in her bedroom, bc i didnt want to look the way i did. i remembered wearing all these oversized clothes to hide my chest. being uncomfortable when anyone (family or stranger) would say “lady”, “girl”, “miss”, “female”. shrinking into myself when someone pointed out my curves. looking in thw mirror and only smiling when my hands were covering and pushing my chest. looking at the scale and not seeing anything other than a number that meant i was stuck being curved. refusing to go swimming bc it meant having to wear a bikini instead of just board shorts. wanting to play on the mens basketball team, wearing mens clothes, being mad when i suddenly couldnt wear them anymore. overcompensating by wearing midriffs and muscle shirts and short shorts and lacy underwear to impress my boyfriend(s) bc i was their GIRLfriend and this is what I Needed To Do. wearing clothes around my first girlfriend that i was really comfortable in, and her telling me that im still nb even if i have to wear a bra for now, and that she wouldnt ever take my shirt off or act as if my chest ever existed if thats what would keep me comfortable, and me nearly crying bc of how validating and overwhelming it was.

it all hit me at once, and i was struck with the blatant honesty of what this had been all along. id ignored it and shoved it down bc i didnt want to upset my mother, disappoint her. i didnt want to be what she never wanted. but then i remembered that i am deserving of love, even if its only ever from myself.

so i told my best friend, and she was so wonderful with it, and she asked what pronouns i wanted to use from now on, and she helped me ease into shopping for clothes. and i bought a binder, and it fits v well and i fucking love it. and i told my other friends, and all the ones who matter are v supportive and beautiful (one even offered to make me a suit). and i told my two favourite cousins, and my sister, and they make sure to text me that i should stretch when i wear my binder, or to take deep breaths in case i forget to and its v homey and nice and they want me to be happy. and i blurted it out to my mother and she fucking hates it, and shes threatened to “burn” my binder if she ever sees it, to “rip it off [my] body” if i ever wear it in front of her, that she wants “nothing to do with It” and that “its a fucked up idea” someone has “put into my head”. but you know what? thats okay, bc i Know who i am now. and sometimes things dont always go how you want, and sometimes the people who love you most cant love all of you, and i want you guys to know that if that ever happens, youre not obligated to love them back, okay? love yourself, love those who love All Of You.

tl;dr: years of dysphoria piled onto me when i had a hot ten minutes to fully think about it in between classes.

#replies #about #tw: emotional abuse #tw: eating disorder #im so sorry about how long this is #im sorry if it didnt answer the question the way you wanted it to #tbh im v thankful you asked this question bc its v cathartic to answer #and its so much easier to be honest to an anon #(or just someone who wont judge in general)#if you (or anyone else who read) want to personally hmu feel free to message me its totally a-okay #Anonymous

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hodgepodge509388 · 3 years ago

Text

First gay incest experience lead to bisexual incest

So before i get started let me clarify that nothing physical happened until i was of legal age. Also this is my first story so please be kind and helpful with comments or ideas on how to improve. Also if anybody has any questions about this story JUST INBOX ME ;). Enjoy

My dad and I had always been close in what some people would call an odd way. My mom passed away when I was 3 so dad basically raised me by himself. Growing up we did everything together. Cuddled (sometimes he would be naked) and watched sports, went to games, he would give me baths, and some other stuff. But as I got older I noticed how dad would start to look at me more and more and for longer amounts of time.

Well I love sports so when I made my college swim team i was excited. I loved it. And I was actually pretty good at it. The only thing I wasnt used to was the trunks we had to wear. The coaches could call them trunks all they want but they were more like speedos/thongs for guys. So ya they took getting used to haha. Anyway, my first day of practice I came home still in my trunks and went to the kitchen to find my dad. I walked in and noticed dad eyeing me.

Dad=hey how was the first day?

Me=not bad, these (I point to my trunks) are going to take some getting used to though

Dad=ha ya I bet. Dont worry they look fine. Hey your uncle is coming into town Friday for the big first scrimmage.

Me=oh ok cool. Well Im tired so Im going to change and go to bed. I turned and walked towards my room and as I left I saw dad looking at my ass.

The next few days were filled with dad eyeing me up and down and making jokes about me being a swimming stud. So when Friday came I was hoping I could actually win my race. I woke up Friday morning and was at the training pool before dad even woke up. 10 mins before the race started I saw dad walk in with my uncle. Dad and my uncle kind of look alike. Dad is about 64 with medium muscle and abs. My uncle was about the same but a bit more muscular.

I got ready and positioned in my starting stand. As dad and my uncle found their seats (right behind me of all places). The gun went off and I was in the water and off to the races. I ended up winning the heat by almost 3 seconds. After the entire meet was over I met dad at the stands.

Dad=hey your uncles bringing the car up front. I have your gym bag so just meet us outside.

Me=ok Ill just shower quick

Dad=no dont worry about it your not that dirty.

Realizing I was still in my speedo I ran to the car with my towel around me.

As I got in the middle of the van I was greeted by my dad sitting next to me and my uncle driving.

Uncle=well if it isnt mr speedy

Me=ha thanks. Glad you could make it

Uncle=no problem body. Seatbelts on everybody!

I put on my seatbelt and we headed home

Dad=so didnt I tell you he fit out that speedo nice?

Uncle= ya you did.

Me=what do you guys mean?

Dad=nothing son you just fill it out in the right areas for a boy your age

Uncle=I cant disagree on that

Me=oh well ummm thanks

HERES WHERE IT STARTS

Dad grabbed my towel and pulled off from around me.

DAD=So would you like to see what hes hiding under this speedo?

UNCLE=Im kind of driving he joked

DAD=just pull over in this parking lot then

(I thought they were joking until the van pulled in and parked)

ME=what are we doing?

(As my uncle gets out of the van and gets in and sits on the other side next to me) DAD= dont worry its ok. We just want to see what you have down there .

ME=what?

DAD=its ok, remember how you used to see mine when you were younger? And I saw yours in the tub during baths.

ME=ya I......gues(before I could finish my sentence dad pulled my speedo down to my feet)

DAD and UNCLE= wow

DAD=you have grown since the last time I saw it

UNCLE=hell champ your hung for your age

ME=(sitting there a little embarrassed and nervous) really?

DAD= oh yeah you are. (Without warning he took my limp dick and shoved it in his mouth)

I let out a shocked/surprised gasp but my uncle just put his hand on my shoulder

UNCLE=its ok buddy. Just relax.

ME=it actually....hmmm...mm...feels pretty good.

My uncle laughed and watched as my dad deep throated my cock.

My cock started to grow in my dads mouth as he licked my rod and looked up at me. I tilted my head back and relaxed. It felt AMAZING.

UNCLE=your dads been talking about wanting to do this for a long time now

ME=hmmmm really?

UNCLE=yep. And now I see why, your body is great. Would you want to try something?

ME=sure

My uncle unzipped his pants and pulled out one of the fattest dicks Id ever seen.

He then grabbed my head and guided my mouth down on top of his dick.

I didnt know what to do so I just did to my uncles cock what dad was doing to mine.

UNCLE=thatta boy

UNCLE=you think hes ready?

DAD=(pulls his head up from my cock) ya I think so

My uncle picked me up turned my ass towards him then set me on his lap. I could feel his saliva covered dick touching my back. It had gotten even bigger.

UNCLE=ready when you are

(My dad moved himself in front of me and took of his pants and sat down in front of me) (my uncle slapped me on the ass and said brace yourself. With that he picked me up and sat me on his dick)

UGHH!!! I let out a cry of slight pain. But as soon as my mouth opened my dead shoved his now exposed dick in it. I tried to push his dick out and gasp for air but he held the back of my head in place and throat/face fucked me.

As I was gagging on dads dick my uncle started to pound my ass. I felt my ass jiggle/bounce with every thrust. He let out a moan as the pain I felt at first started to fade and reemerge as pleasure. My dad continued to face fuck me as he asked my uncle where he should cum.

UNCLE=well Im cumming on his nice little bubble butt ass (he smacks my ass)

DAD=hmmmm Im about to cum.

I was surprised when the saliva in my mouth was replaced with a thick warm liquid.

DAD=OHHH FUCK YES!!!

He pulled his cock out and rubbed it on my face as my uncle pulled out and came on my ass. I sat down in the chair sore and tired.

DAD=now you REALLY need a shower when you get home

We all got dressed and went home.

The whole drive home i couldnt believe what just happened. I had just been fucked and used by my own family. I sat there silent in a wave of different emotions as we drove home. What shocked me the most was that dad and my uncle were having a normal conversation like nothing had just happened. We got home and i got out of the car and headed to the door. As i opened the door i felt a hand smack my ass behind me. I turned my head to see my dad behind me.

DAD=hey how bout we keep this little thing between the three of us? No telling how other family members would react if they found out

A slight rush ran through me at the idea of such a taboo secret.

ME=ya....um ya sure. I said as i walked into the house. A few hours passed and my uncle had gone back to his house. I was in my room all showered and cleaned up and watching tv when dad knocked on the door. I got a bit turned on as i thought about what he could want or need.

ME=come in. Dad walked in and walked up to my bed

DAD=hey son look.....I...about earlier. Im sorry i just couldnt resist or help myself. Your uncle and i had been talking about you for a while and it just.. I cut him off

ME=did you enjoy it?

DAD=wh..what?

ME=did you enjoy touching your boy? I smirked a bit

DAD=well...well ya. Look Im sorry if it hurt you or.. I cut him off again

ME=did he enjoy it to?

DAD=who your uncle? Yes he said he loved it.

I smiled a bit. Well then its fine

DAD=really?

ME= ya, i see cocks all the time in the locker room. Besides its not like i have never been with a guy before. Your just....just um..i was never expecting to ever see or feel the cock of a family member.

DAD= ya Im just.. Well we are sorry.

ME=so you bothreally enjoyed it huh? I laugh

DAD=if Im being honest FUCK YES!

Hearing all this gave me an idea that got me stiff.

ME=Ok well Im going to bed dad. Night.

DAD=goodnight son

As dad left my room I laid awake thinking about something i never thought i would. Who else in my family would or even wants to fuck me?

Thenext morning i was horny due to everything that was done and said the day before. I felt like being a tease so i got up and headed to my sisters room. She was away at college so the room was pretty clean. I walked over to her dresser and opened the bottom container. I got dressed and headed downstairs. I got to the bottom of the steps and saw dad with his back to me in the kitchen cooking. I walked up to him and stood beside him facing him.

ME=so what is for breakfast?

Dad looked towards me and his mouth dropped and his eyebrows raised as he saw his son wearing a short skirt belonging to his daughter.

DAD=HOLY...What are you doing?!?

ME=what you dont like it? I do a slow spin around to show how the beginning of my ass cheeks show just before the skirt hides them.

DAD=no its just i....uh..well i didnt expect this.I smiled knowing that being a tease is what i do best. I sat down in a chair across from my dad with my legs unfolded.

ME=so im curious, besides uncle has anyone else in our family said anything about me or my body?

Dad noticing i wasnt wearing any underwear could see the beginning of my balls in the skirt

DAD=why do..you ask? I mean your grandpa always says what a great mature man you have grown into but i dont get why your asking. I look at him and smirk ;)

DAD=youre not serious are you? You dont mean you want to try anything crazy with someone do you?

ME=i have been hard ever since you and uncle did what you did. It is such a rush now looking back and thinking about it now. I want to see if anyone else is kinky like you and him.

DAD=no! No way! There is no way the whole family would all be ok with that. I stand up and walk over to him.

ME=that is why we are going to do some thinking and research first. Come on dad. So far we know you and uncle wouldnt mind it. You said grandpa has talked about me. What about anyone else? What about uncle Timmy? Isnt he gay? Come on we have to find out and i have an idea of how to find out who would be interested.

ME=we will make a list of everyone we think would be interested in at least seeing me not necessarily touching me. Then i will text them a pic of me. If they respond with rage or negatively ill just tell them it was supposed to go to a girlfriend.

Dad stood there surprised.

DAD=wow! You have actually thought this out?

ME=ya and just leave the rest to me

So as dad listed off those he thought would be interested i was eating and getting turned on just thinking about who in my family might be interested.

About two hours later dad came to me and gave me the list of everyone to send the pic to.

DAD=i cant believe we are doing this.

I grabbed my phone and handed it to dad

DAD=what? i smirked and replied

ME=i need someone to take the pic and its not like you havent seen me naked before. I joked.

DAD=ok. Without warning dad pushed me onto the kitchen table.

DAD=lift up the skirt a bit so they know what they might be getting. I listened and lifted it a bit as he took the pic. He then turned me around and slapped my ass.

DAD=lift up the skirt, let them see your bubble butt to. I did and dad took the pic.

I took my phone and sent it to the list of relatives we made. A few hours passed and there was no word from them. Then one by one replies came in. Of the list that we made only two people off of the list replied in a bad way so i just told them it was supposed to go to a gf. As i looked at those who replied in a decent way i got a bit hard as i read their replies out loud. DAMN!And dont know how or why i got this but im not complaining :). i showed dad the texts and he was shocked.

DAD=no way! No fucking way!

ME= HA! i told you. Now we wait a week and then at thanksgiving reunion ill show you my final plan.

DAD=ok. If you say so.

So all week long i couldnt get the idea or more family members touching and seeing me out of my head. Finally thanksgiving day came. That morning i woke up rock hard. I was about to but on some briefs and my pants when i got an idea. Instead i headed to my sisters room and grabbed a few things. I got dressed and headed downstairs. Dad and i got in the car and took off to my uncle Kevins house (the one who fucked me) because he was hosting the family reunion. As my dad drove i couldnt stop thinking about what might be about to happen when we get there.

DAD=what are you going to do or say if someone says something or asks you about the pics? He worried.

ME= just relax and leave it to me. Besides even if anyone was going to say anything about getting pics like that from a relative i doubt they would tell other people in the family about it. Just relax.

We arrived at the house and as soon as i walked through the door i was getting looks from those of my family who replied in decent way. Their looks of confusion and wonder kind of turned me on a bit. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to everyone who had replied positively to my pic text. I sent a text saying nobody say a word about the text. Not everyone here received those pics like you did. Just wait till all the other family members leave and ill explain everything.

I sat down and tried to control all the hormones building up inside me. Everyone sat done at the table to eat the thanksgiving meal. As i finished my plate i went and sat back down. About two hours passed and goodbyes were said and hugs were given and some family members left the party to return to their homes. I looked around to notice everyone who had replied to my pics was still here. I stood up and took a deep breath

ME=ok now that they are gone everyone follow me. And NO! the kids cant come with you.

I put in a kids dvd for the kids to watch as i guided everyone else into the living room. THIS WAS GOING TO BE FUN ;)

PART 2 coming soon

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yourcertainstudentlight-blog · 6 years ago

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