#please tell me I'm not the only one excited about this

[cuteandhughesy]

auston matthews -

“you’re such a loser”.

“you’re so pretty it pains me” (said to him).

“keep still you little… troll”.

please & thank you. love your work. :)

Drunk In Love | Auston Matthews

summary: your boyfriend has to pick you up from a bar—only to find that you’re sloshed and feeling playful. prompt no. 15: “you’re so pretty it pains me” + prompt no. 28: “keep still you little…troll.”

[word count] 2.1k

warnings: drinking | drunk behaviour | suggestive dialogue

a/n: how is this my first auston work…this man was the reason I started watching hockey in 2016! i’m back to my roots with this one! also this ain’t super detailed because I don’t have the brain capacity for that 😛

🎵 drunk in love by beyoncé & jay-z

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

auston is immediately bombarded when he steps into the club. not only by the overwhelming smell of hard liquor and various sweet floral perfumes, but by jennifer—your red head bubbly best friend who's celebrating her 27th birthday.

he blinks in surprise as jennifer steps in front of him, freckles still visible even under the flashing lights. "i'm sorry," she hisses, looking over her shoulder at what auston can only presume is you, "but she's sloshed." and that confirms his suspicions.

about 20 minutes ago, he answered jennifer's call. he was expecting the worse—you've always been a naturally clumsy person when drinking, and anytime you go out partying with your friends, you're coming home with more scrapes and bruises than you can count. all jennifer really told auston was that you needed a ride home asap, being very vague about the entire situation.

auston put two and two together pretty quickly.

"it's alright," he says, eyes squinting through the dark atmosphere in search of you and the sparkly red top you left the condo in. you're easy to spot, only because you're standing on top of the bar like you're in some cheesy rom com movie, laughing loudly and dancing while everyone cheers you on.

jennifer smiles awkwardly, green eyes darting between you and your less than amused looking boyfriend. auston curses, moving through the sea of bodies until he's at the crowded bar. he gently wraps his hand around you thigh, not hard, but still firm enough to grab your attention.

you look down, and immediately you're beaming at the sight of him. "austonnnnnn," you slur his name loudly, reaching down to steady yourself on his shoulders as he helps you off the table top. as soon as your heels are back on soild ground, you're jumping into auston’s arms—not without almost missing him and falling to the floor if it wasn't for auston's reflexes.

"woah, slow down," he warns lightly, large hands a warm and steady presence on your hips as he steadies you. "hi baby." auston grins slightly, eyes barley visible under the rim of his ball cap. a hiding feature he chose on purpose—auston wasn't really in the mood to wake up tomorrow morning and read a bunch of news tabloids about him picking up his hammered girlfriend at a local toronto club.

"hi." you grin, blinking slowly. auston can feel your heat through hour top-your skin hot to the touch, the affect off one too many shots. the hair you'd previously slicked back into a pony tail is now frizzy and down—eyes glassy and not all there.

auston snickers, already moving you away from the table and back to the direction of the entrance. "are you drunk?" he teases knowingly.

"pssshhh...no!" you decline loudly, shaking your head—but the way you misstep tells a whole different story. you don't even notice that though, too busy looking at your boyfriend with an imaginary lightbulb flickering above your head, "have you come to take a shot with me?" you ask, your excitement obvious.

auston hums, "no, i'm here to bring you home."

"but im not ready to go home," you pout.

"I know, but you can come out next weekend."

his words seem to do the trick, because your face relaxes and your lips form into a lazy grin. "oh yeah," you say matter of factly like it was you who came up with the idea.

"do you have your bag?" auston asks before the both of you can step outside, "where's your phone?"

your small chain bag is slung over your shoulder—which, thank god, because auston did not want to have to search for it in the women's bathroom or under the sticky tables. "my phones under my boob," you say.

he reaches out, fingers sliding under your boob to make sure it is in fact in your top.

it makes you giggle, arching into his touch, completely oblivious. "trying to cop a feel?," you slur, way too loudly for a public space. "you freak."

auston can't help the breathy laugh that leaves him, pulling off your body once he has confirmation that your phone is sitting between your ribs and left boob. "just making sure you've got everything," he corrects your insinuation lightly, wrapping his hand back around your hips. "okay, let's go."

the cold air is a shock after spending time inside the overpacked and overheated club. you instinctively curl into his side, seeking some warmth—no matter how drunk you are, you'll always find a way to get chilled.

as soon as his car is in your line of sight, you gasp, mumbling something incoherent before attempting to run towards the vehicle. you obviously don't get far, not with auston's arm holding you upright, but that doesn't stop you from stumbling on uneven sidewalk—almost sending you to your knees.

it has you giggling but also somehow gasping dramatically all at the same time.

"careful." auston chimes firmly, digging in his back pocket for his keys to unlock the car.

"woah that was scary," you snort, looking up at him with those glassed over eyes he loves. "did you almost trip too?" you ask, dead serious.

auston opens the passenger door, "almost."

"that wouldn't of been good," you slur.

"no, it wouldn't of been." he agrees easily, guiding you into the vehicle, "okay, left foot first babe."

but you're not going that easily. you turn to your boyfriend again, face flashing in fucking betrayal like he just asked you to root for the bruins. "you haven't even kissed me yet," you whine, feet planted on the concrete while your butt connects with the car seat.

he sighs, "let's get in the car first."

"please?" you slur, leaning forward dangerously. auston grips your biceps before you can face plant to the ground, but you're completely oblivious, continuing to beg in a mixture of babbling and slurring, "you're so pretty it pains me! and I need a kiss to make me feel better."

auston takes a deep breath, staring down at you for a beat—seeing if you'll give up. but you don't, continuing to look up at him like he hung the moon and the stars, lips slightly pouted and stained as you wait rather patiently. he sighs again before leaning down and giving you a quick peck.

you beam when be pulls away, bringing your left foot into the car. "you love me," you hum dreamily.

"yeah I do," auston smiles, guiding your right leg inside the car before he leans over your body, clicking the seat belt into place.

you kiss the side of his face sloppily as he makes sure you're buckled, "I love you too."

the 15 minute drive back to your and auston's shared condo is filled with the sound of your voice, singing along to random radio songs in an impromptu karaoke session. anytime you look over at auston and see that he's not singing, you squawk loudly, poking his cheek persistently until he joins in.

thankfully you don't give him too much trouble getting back out of the car, or on the elevator ride up to your floor—the most you do is stumble and talk too loudly, but auston finds it rather funny. you resemble a baby deer, and when he tells you that, you start tearing up about how cute baby animals are.

felix, your shared dog, eyes you both grumpily from his spot on the couch as you pass, clearly upset at be woken up.

auston guides you into the bedroom, helping you kick your heels off while you continue crying, now specifically praising baby horses and their tiny little horse shoes.

he grabs your oversized pyjama shirt, which is actually one of his old men's league shirts that you'd stolen years ago when you first met. auston turns back to you, placing the shirt beside you on the bed. "okay," he starts, "arms up baby."

"why?"

"because you need to get changed," auston says.

you whine, muttering something about feeling tired. regardless you lift your arms, limbs all floppy and heavy as auston attempts taking your sparkly top off.

you wiggle and squirm, laughing as auston's calloused fingers graze against the side of your ribs. your movement makes him sigh, teetering on impatient. "stay still you little...troll."

that gets you to stop moving. "hey! that's mean." you pout incredulously.

"it's not," auston answers easily, pulling your shirt fully off. now free, your phone falls to your lap with a plop. "trolls are cute"

you arms drop to your sides quickly, "no they're not."

"shhh," he teases, pulling off your skirt and tights in one quick and efficient move. "you'll hurt their feelings."

"my boobs are out," you say after a beat.

auston snickers, pushing your head through the stretched neck hole of his old shirt. yeah, they are," he hums, moving to your arm and bending it at the elbow, “hey, put your arms through the holes."

"nooooo," you whine, falling forward to auston’s chest and wrapping your sticky arms loosely around his neck. "I wanna give you a kiss." you mumble, already in the middle of covering his scruff covered jawline in tequila scented kisses. one of your hands sneaks down his body, and before he can even blink, your grabbing his dick.

"jesus baby," his breathe hitches, pulling your hand off his length and putting it back in your lap.

you giggle, "you like that?"

auston shakes his head, putting your arms through the shirt holes before you can grab his dick again. "not tonight, you need to go to sleep."

your face falls. "you don't want me?"

"not when you're drunk."

you scoff, tears pricking your waterline as auston fully pulls the shirt down over your naked body. "you hate me." you state dramatically, arms crossing over your chest.

"not at all," he reassures you softly.

"but you don't want me."

"you're drunk." auston reiterates, which only makes you hum. he can't help the smile that pulls on his face, shaking his head in disbelief at your slurred words and usual drunk shenanigans. "okay baby, let's get you in bed."

the next two minutes are silent as your boyfriend helps you slip under the covers. you sigh happily as the cool sheets envelop around your limbs, head sinking into the fluffy pillow like you're lying on a cloud. auston leaves your lamp on, putting your phone on the beside table—making sure it's plugged in for the morning—before he turns to leave.

but just as his hand touches the door knob, you're whining. "austonnnnnn."

"yes?" he asks, brow quirked.

you make grabby hands at him like a toddler. "come lay with me."

"i'm going to," auston says, "I just gotta take felix out first."

the mention of your dog has you sitting straight up, once again wide awake. auston can't help the way he sighs, falling back against your bedroom door in what feels like defeat.

"can I come?" you ask him, voice full of hope and joy at the thought of running your hands through felix's soft and curly coat. you’ve never wanted to cuddle him more than this very moment.

auston shakes his head gently, "no."

"whyyy?" you whine, lips pouting for the hundredth time tonight. "I love him so much." you admit, voice thickening with emotion as you blink at your boyfriend through the warmly lit bedroom.

he walks back towards you, softly pushing your hair off your face. "I know you do," auston mumbles, thumb stroking your brow bone. "but you're not wearing pants and it's cold outside."

you frown deepens, a single shiny tear falling from your eye and tracing down the round of your cheek. "but," you pause, sniffling gently, "felix will think I don't love him if I don't come."

auston shakes his head, "that's not true." but you only cry more, shrinking in on yourself as sobs wrack through your body. auston coos, pressing a firm kiss to your forehead and then another to your cheek.

even drunk, you don't play about your love for felix.

"how about when I get back I bring him in here for the night?" auston proposes sweetly.

your head lifts, and the sight of your watery eyes have auston pouting. "really?"

"yeah."

and he fully intends on keeping his promise, but 30 minutes later—once the dog has done his business and trotted around the condos front grass—auston opens the bedroom door, only to find you sound asleep.

[holyguardian]

Aerith watched the exchange with curiousity painted across her lightly-smiling expression. 'Prince Someone'? Her gaze shifted briefly to Somnus — of course he wasn't bothered by such teases, not from a man who he had so enthusiastically embraced.

It felt like this was supposed to be a moment shared only between the two of them. Though neither man allowed her to feel like an intruder, she was welcomed into their conversation swiftly and warmly.

Her body language was a little more rigid around the edges. She held a tense posture, and her gaze shifted like a nervous animal, darting quickly between them. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Ser Leander." she politely greeted him.

The grin that spread across Leander's face was immense and immediate. Ser? Oh, he could get used to this. "I'm sure my old friend has told you all about our misdeeds." he further teased, and if he jabbed at his friends ribs with his words any harder he might even bruise. "Please, just Leander is fine." He looked over to Somnus. Oh, Ser was it? He hadn't said a word about him. Though here and now wasn't the time to throw him into a headlock.

The small talk soon picked up. Aerith accepted the offered seat, though she was far from cold. The table and fireplace combined to make the perfect setting for a certain card game. Without much thought, she shrugged her extra woollen layer away, and sat dressed in similar bed linens to those around her.

Then came the offer of a honey cake. It was the perfect little ice-breaker. "Actually, I would very much like one." she agreed, showing her teeth in a sharp little smile when it was delivered to the table. Perfect.

"Ah! Here's the prize." She declared, holding up the small wooden plate. "A sweet honey cake for anyone who can beat me in my favourite card game."

The Lucian soldiers should have realised something was up when the Cetran soldiers began to circle to watch the show. Though they were quite innocent, of course they hadn't realised yet that Queen's Blood was to Princess Aerith what chess was to Prince Somnus.

While said Princess gathered an excited little crowd and explained the rules of her game, Leander took a moment to eye his friend proper. "How are you?" The 'really?' was implied at the end of his well-meaning sentence. So much had changed in a matter of weeks. He hoped that Somnus was alright, to his understanding he would not be returning to Lucis...

... Yet, he was still Leander, even under his thick layer of concern. When he heard Aerith call for her first challenger, he proved his talent for being fast. "Somnus!" he called. "Let's hear it for our brave leader!" The hoots of encouragement and clapping rippled through the gathering. This was what he got for not telling the Princess a word about him. Ser.

It was… like coming home. Somnus could hardly describe this. He knew the noises, the smells, the songs, the talks. He had spent the most fun hours back at home with the soldiers in recent years. As Ardyn had been trained more and more towards getting on the throne, it was clear Somnus’ place was with the troops. And he would not have it any other way by now.

Aerith seemed to know some of the soldiers, too. A fact that Somnus watched with curious glances – and a lot of amusement. She definitely would have a bunch of friends, if the Queen only let her.

Maybe it was high time to continue this rebellion for now and stick to it.

They found Leander and Leander found them. Somnus let go of Aerith for a moment to embrace his best friend. Gods. It had been weeks. Sometimes the court and noble laws demanded them not being able to talk to each other for a few days. But this had been different. The last time they had spoken, Somnus had still been unmarried and just complaining about the feast to greet the Cetra royal family being on the same evening they had originally planned to venture into the town’s taverns once more.

Now everything was so different. They stood in a different queendom and war was approaching. Though Somnus was happy to have his ‘brother’ with him. Even if he was already teasing him once more.

Somnus just shook his head with a scoff, before taking Aerith’s hand once more and leading her closer to Leander.

“Aerith, this is Leander. Leander, this is Aerith.”, he formally introduced them both, though he knew they already knew each other’s names. It was quite clear on Somnus’ face that he was genuinely excited for this moment.

And they would not be the only ones to be introduced. The group sitting nearby had noticed Leander wandering off and now recognized Somnus there - and the Princess they had protected on their travels here. Most were a little shyer towards Aerith at first, curious glances, careful smiles. They gauged how she would react, how she was. Though the way Leander had already made this so simple and informal, it was an easy process. Small questions. How she was doing. Whether she felt cold, she was offered a seat close to the warm fire right away, there was gushing about the honey cakes they had eaten today – and of course offers to Aerith for that, too.

[halliejaade]

Here's a little one shot from my upcoming Joaquín Torres x Female Reader fic, Edelweiss. It's a childhood friend's to lovers fic and I am so excited to share it with you all!

Tick...

Your knee bounces rhythmically.

Once. Up. Down.

Twice. Down. Up.

You pause. Once, and then twice again. You're not sure what it is about the combination that calms you, but you've always done things in pairs. The clock in the corner ticks loudly, reminding you that in only an hour you'll have to say goodbye.

You never quite mastered that; not when your childhood dog, Lucy, passed away. Not when the blip happened and everyone you loved just... disappeared. And certainly, most definitely, you didn't think you could bear this.

Joaquín grins nervously at his mother, who smooths out the wrinkles that apparently only she can see on his tan T-shirt. You weren't sure how he was able to make the uniform look so good, but somehow he pulled it off. He ran a hand over his cropped hair, before turning to you.

"Don't look so sad, rain boots," He says, attempting a bright smile. The nickname makes you laugh somberly.

You had only been twelve when you moved into the house next door to his. For whatever reason, for an entire year, no matter the occasion, you refused to wear any shoes other than your bright green rain boots. Joaquín had adopted the nickname for you after you became friends, and had never stopped calling you it.

Tick tick...

You blink owlishly, willing the tears to dry before they can spill over your lash line.

His mother glances between the two of you. "I'll just be over there for a moment."

She joins your mom at the cafe which is probably too expensive for their tastes, but is a good reason to allow the two of you this last moment together in the busy airport.

"Do you have to go?" You ask quietly, fiddling with your favorite bracelet.

He steps into your space, his boots coming toe to toe with your dirty sneakers. The sight causes a tear to finally spill down your cheek.

"I'll visit when I can, okay? I swear to you." He whispers, placing his hands on your shoulders. The look you give him after makes his heart squeeze painfully.

He hates seeing you so sad. Hates the fact that he's the reason you're crying.

"Please-" You hiccup, "Please be safe, Joaquín."

Tick tick tick...

One moment, you're standing toe to toe with him, and in the next, you're pressed close to his chest. You turn your face into his neck, his arms wrapping tightly around your shoulders.

"You remember when we were little and we always played heroes?"

You nod, before sniffling. You had never cared much about the Avengers, hadn't cared much about paying attention to things like that, but Joaquín was always so excited that you couldn't help but fall in love with the concept of the superheroes.

"I'm finally making that dream come true," He says into your hair. "I'm gonna make little me proud."

You tighten your arms around his torso. "I'll be the first to buy your figurine when you inevitably save the world some day."

He pulls back, and looks into your eyes. "I'll miss you so very much, Y/n. But I'll write to you, and I'll come home whenever I can. I'll be safe. I swear."

The prospect that he'll write you letters makes you giggle. "You remember the letters?"

He nods, his own laugh escaping his lips as he recalls how twelve year old you thought it was so romantic that soldiers sent letters home to their loved ones. "I'll do anything to make you smile."

Tick tick tick tick...

An announcement screeches over the speakers.

Joaquín frowns slightly, before letting go of you. Both his mother and yours abandon their coffees, and join you back near the gate.

"I have to go now," He says, as if the announcement didn't tell you that already.

Boom.

Another quick round of hugs goes around before Joaquín grabs his bags and leaves.

"Do you think he'll turn around?" Your mom asks.

Joaquín's mom nods, "Y/n is here. Of course he will."

As if on cue, he turns, right before he's out of sight. He waves to your mother's before his eyes land on you. He sends a wink your way, and mouths, "I'll see you before you know it, rain boots."

You only hope that he's right, and that he'll come home safe and sound.

[heeaara]

박종성 ──────ANOMALY.

RELATiVE : no matter how hard you both tried, it wasn't just meant to be.

iNDEX : ｡｡ park jongseong + 𝑓.reader ⟡ wc1.7k, cw 𓂃 relationship, skinship, petnames, violence, mentions of blood, accident, death ? overall full on angst ♡.

아라 : my first angst fanfic, for those who had lost their loved ones, this ones for you. People come and people go, what important is that you cherish and treasure the moments you had spent with them.

You flinch slightly as you hear a knock on your window. It was past midnight, you were lying in your bed, wide awake, as many thoughts and feelings ran through your mind about the events that were programmed for tomorrow. tomorrow was a very big day for you, not only for you but someone you loved and held dearly. you sigh as you arise from your bed, going towards the window, opening it, letting in your soon to be husband.

Yes, tomorrow was a great day, tomorrow was yours and park jongseong's wedding day, tomorrow you were finally and officially going to be committed to the love of your life, to the man of your dreams, to the one you went through so much with. but, yet, you had this weird . . lingering feeling which you didn't like, instead of feeling ecstatic, you felt almost painfully sad, as if something horrible was to happen tomorrow.

A small sigh leaves your lips as jay wraps his arms around you softly. you aim to shake off this weird feeling as you snuggle into his neck, your favorite spot where you always seek to find warmth and comfort. 

"shouldn't you be sleeping ?" he asks softly as he chuckles, placing a soft feathery kiss on top of your head as you snuggle more into him. "no, can't sleep." you mumble against his neck as you close your eyes feeling assured of his presence.  "and why is that princess ? too excited for tomorrow are we ?" he states in a glee. you pull your head away from his neck, your arms still wrapped around his waist as you look up into his eyes. He looks down, back at you softly as a wave of emotions run through you, all those weird, unknown, miserable feelings coming back to your heart and mind. You look away, not being able the cope up with your emotions and you didn't want him to be worried as you knew how well he took care of you and how good he was at sensing when something wasn't right.

"Look at me." jay whispers, pulling you a little close as you glance at him, his eyes looking right into yours, trying to search for answers. "What happened baby ?" he asks softly as he holds your cheek, his thumb grazing it in a gesture of comfort. "I ━ its nothing." you mumble.

"Then why are you not looking at me?" he asks softly.

You look at him, your eyes glistening with unshed tears. He looks right into your eyes, searching for answers. "you know i'm always here for you right?" he states and, that was it. That was the final straw as finally, a sob leaves your lips. Jay quickly wraps his arms around you, your head buried into his crook. You hug him tighter as he whispers words of comfort, he hated seeing you cry, he hated every single atom that had hurt you. 

Time passes, your cries slow down as jay runs a had through your back, whispering words of comfort, trying all kinds of ways to ease you.

You slowly pull out of his neck, looking up at him. " I'm sorry." you whisper as you gaze at his soaked shirt, filled with your tears.

"Oh come on baby, You'd throw a whole tub of water and I wouldn't complain." he remarks as a breathy laugh leaves his lips. You lightly slap his chest as a small chuckle escapes your lips as well. 

"Now, my pretty girl, will you please tell me what happened hm?" He calls on. You look at him as a sigh escapes your lips. "We should go to sleep." You say as you pull yourself out of his grip and guide him towards the bed. "Hey, but ━ ".

You cut him off "cuddles please." 

"I can't say no to you, can I?" he remarks as he gets on the bed next to you, engulfing you by his arms. You both keep laying down as his hands involuntarily runs through your hair.

"I ━ it's just surreal." You say quietly. Jay hums as you continue, "We have gone through so much, no way it's been 6 years since us dating and now, finally we are engaged and will get married soon." 

"Yeah". he whispers. "I never knew this day would actually come, considering how much ━ just happened. Its just overwhelming, we went through so many breakups, had so many fights, cried together, laughed together. We have made so many memories, and I can't believe the fact that we will make so much more as well." You sniff, your voice raw with deep emotions.

"With our kids too." Jay says smiling ear to ear, earning a chuckle from you.

He cups your face with his one hand as he looks into your eyes, his gaze moving down to your lips as he slowly starts to lean in.

"I love you." he whispers right next to your lips.

"I love you too." You reply, closing your eyes and you felt it, you felt his lips perfectly molding into yours. He kisses you softly yet passionately, he hovers on top of you and You return the same passion by encircling your hands around his neck. And, without you even realizing, some tears fall from your eyes during the kiss. You did not know why were you crying, you had no idea you actually were and why exactly. Kisses with him had always felt safe, yet filled with love but this time, this kiss, felt as if it's the last time, you did not know what was going on, you had no idea why were you feeling like this. 

He kisses you harder as he hovers over you and slowly and gradually it turns into a steamy session, everything feeling hot, his hands running through your body, your heart beating fast.

And that's how the night passed, with you in his arms, sharing love through the night. You both knew you both loved each other a lot and everything just felt overwhelming and emotional to you.

──── 030125.

You looked at yourself in the mirror for the one last time till you exit the hair salon. Today was finally the day, the day you and jay had to make promises to each other. You felt nervous yet excited, you had dreamed of this day since you were a child. You wearing a white bride gown, A vile covering your face with the man of your dreams in front of you, the both of you taking your vows.

You get escorted by one of your maids, to the wedding car you would be going in, to the venue where your wedding was to be held. 

One the other side, jay had been anxiously waiting for your arrival. He kept checking his watch, the clock ticking second by second without any signs of you showing up. He was getting restless, his hands were feeling sloppy and moist due to sweat that came with the nervousness. He was perfectly dressed into a perfect black tailored tuxedo, his hair perfectly done.

tick.tick.tick, time passing by.

Where is she? he thinks to himself, why is the time going so fast? The guests were waiting, the priest was waiting, he was waiting, everyone were waiting, for you to arrive.

His thoughts get interrupted by a call on his phone, his feeling giddy, he had a bad feeling about this, he thought to himself. With slightly shaky hands, he pics up his phone, attaching it to his ear, "h-hello?" 

"hello, is this park jongseong speaking?" the other side said, an unknown number, "yes, its me." He replies, his chest feeling congested for some reason, an unknown ache filling his heart. 

"I am sorry to inform you that kim y/n has gotten into a severe car accident, she has been established to the hospital please reach up."

car accident. car accident. car accident. his mind kept repeating.

the phone fell off jay's hand as his mind goes numb, blank. The place around him moving in circles, his eyes blurry. His friends called him out, shook him, shouted out at him to tell them what happened. All he could do was stare at their face blanky, his throat felt as if clawed with chains, and his heart? it was about to die.

tick. tick. tick. time passing by.

He finally reached the hospital, where you were. His hair messy, his mind numb, his face soaked with tear stains and his perfectly tailored tuxedo? turned into a wreck. His friends where there, his parents were there, your parents were there, his world upside down, his heart filled with an unbearable ache.

he covered his face with his palms as he takes a seat on one of the steel benches in the waiting, his friends asking the doctors where you were, the whole place was a chaos.

His friends comforted him when jake and heeseung, who had been discussing your situation with the doctor came back, their faces pale, their hearts filled with deep sorrow and grieve.

"jongseong. ." heeseung mumbles as he looked down at jay who had covered his face with his hands. jay look up at him startled as he gets up immediately, bombarding them with questions, "y/n, my love, where's y/n, what did the doctors say? is she okay ━ heeseung hyung?" heeseung looks down, unable to face jay as he says, "we're sorry, jongseong.", controlling his sobs and tears as well.

Jay tries to move past the boys, trying to go to the doctor, his face full of panick "huh? fuck you mean? y/n ━ she's okay i know she's okay, we're getting married today━", jake had no other choice but to stop him, his hands moving towards his shoulders, moving him backwards. "y ━ y/n, she's . . no more", jake says as he sniffles, holding jay by the shoulder, a slight sob escaping heeseung's lips.

"YOU BASTARD." jay screams as he gets a hold of jake's collars "YOU'RE LYING TO ME, LYING TO MY FACE LIKE THAT, Y/N PROMISED ME SHE'LL NEVER LEAVE ME, MY Y/N WILL NEVER LEAVE ME, YOU MOTHERFUCKER." he shrieks, giving jake jerks as he hold his collars, his eyes wide, his face blank, his heart slain.

Heeseung tries to break free jay's grip from jake, "JONGSEONG CONTROL YOURSELF !" heeseung shouts.

Jay violently leaves jake's collars giving him a push, as he stumbles, his eyes wide, the world around him moving into circles, "y/n-ah. . ." he whispers her name, what was going on? Was this some kind of a joke? Was this a nightmare?

An unbelievable, hoarse chuckle leaves his throat as jay laughs, running a hand through his face, when gradually, his laugh turns into violent sobs.

Jake immediately hugs him, giving his friend a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to take off his sorrows. This world was indeed a cruel place.

"take me t ━ to her, take me to my y/n, PLEASE, I SAID FUCKING TAKE ME TO MY Y/N" he sobs uncontrollably, not believing what his friends were saying. Everything was okay till yesterday, his life was going smooth and, in a matter of seconds? his life crashed down in front of his very eyes. He was helpless, so fucking helpless, his agony unendurable.

──── .

Silence, complete silence, no sound of breathing, nothing, only the faint smell of blood and moist is all he could feel as he entered the room. His face was red, his eyes were bloodshot due to the amount of crying he did. Why was life so unfair to him?

He takes slow yet small steps, his breath caught in his throat, his body shivering due to the impact of what he's going through. He takes slow, shaky steps towards the bed, where the lifeless body was placed, covered with white fabric completely over it.

His hands were shaking, his body was shaking.

Please don't be y/n, Please don't be y/n, Please don't be y/n, please wake me up from this nightmare. he kept thinking.

He slowly reaches his hands towards the white fabric, with shaky hands, languidly sliding off the fabric, his breath stuck in.

He forgot, he forgot breathing. His heart stopped, it had stopped a long ago. His mind in a haze. Your lifeless body pale, your body filled with wounds, your skull bandaged, your skin light purple and your bridal gown, the gown that you were wearing for your wedding was now filled with bloodstains, a complete devastation.

"no . . y-y/n-ah . .wake up, baby . . it's me, your jongseong."

no reply.

blank.

"c ━ come on y/n, this isn't funny anymore, WAKE UP, I SAID WAKE UP, PLEASE ━ PARK Y/N." he wails in torment, "PLEASE Y/N DON'T DO THIS TO ME, T-THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE", he sobs, his eyes swollen due to shedding so much tears.

"WAKE UP, I SAID FUCKING WAKE UP." he shakes your body, giving your cheeks pats, in hope that you'd wake up completely fine.

Sobs, one sob after another, he kept crying, roaring, he kept shaking you, still, nothing, your lifeless body didn't move a budge.

Getting a hold of your pale, lifeless hand, he intertwines his fingers with yours, kissing your knuckles softly, feeling your cold skin beneath his lips.

"No matter how hard we tried, it wasn't just meant to be." he whispered, not to himself but to you as well. Maybe, maybe in another life, things won't be like this. maybe in another life, you both would be destined together.

TAGLiST : @chrrific @vmpivory @manaah02 @liwinly @hazelira @llovelili ( imk if you want me to add you in the perm taglist ).

[eleanor-bradstreet]

Okay I'm back from a whirlwind zip through London and Florence, heart full of love and eyes full of Benophie so let’s make a breakdown of my errant unhinged thoughts on the season 4 sneak peek!

Benophie: They are somehow both my parents and my children 🥹

Goobie hurts either his ears or his delicious slender fingies and then tries to play it off hoping no one saw

Beneloise are going to continue to be the best, obviously

Violet. VIOLET 🥵 Mama is ready to SLAY. Marcus better be disguised as a cat at this party because that man should be on all fours ready to lap up whatever treats she gives him.

Also: don't even get me started on Eloise of Arc there in the background and how the show dressed her in the coolest possible iteration of this costume. Holy shit, season 4, slow down. I’m starting to think this is a quality tv show…

LOOK at the masquerade! LOOKADDITT!! This is not the cacophony of metallic technicolor vomit season 3 taught me to expect. This is not chintzy flowers and sequins. This is a reversion to season 1’s muted palette. This is dark fantasy. This is the masquerade in The Labyrinth. It’s spooky, it’s moody, and it’s better than I had ever hoped for from Jess Brownell. She said herself Bowie covers may make it onto the soundtrack. I’ll start to pray now.

Uh, Jess Brownell...is that you?

The unicorn-head lady is absolutely sending me 🤣🤣

My sweet, beloved, beautiful John all returned from Scotland and having fun 😭😭😭 why do you do this to me

So clearly costuming decided both to grant mercy to Penelope and bypass her Leprechaun-ification (presumably problematic given Nic is Irish) and give Pirate Colin his Behemoth-Hatted Pirate Wife, Penelope the Blonde. I think Pen has just become Nicola at this point. It's...a lewk and I'm here for it. But who exactly wants to speak to Mrs. Bridgerton now that she's a known mole for the Queen is beyond me.

There she is, the people's princess, absolutely radiant 🥹🩶

Benedict being a smart ass: "Please enter my mother's domicile to begin your tenure of servitude while I begrudgingly permit you to have free will, all the while intending to grabass you in the halls and woo you into being mine forever."

Cinderella era, here we gooooooo

God, they already look like bitches. I'm going to love to hate them.

*screaming, crying, throwing up* as he holds her like she's made of glass; like she's a dream that will evaporate if he looks away, as he touches her for the first time and teaches her to dance 🫠 The way I have DREAMED of this for YEARS 💙

MY COTTAGE MY COTTAGE MY COTTAGE MY COTTAGE WET MY COTTAGE

EX-FUCKING SCUSE ME, WHO INVITED CLIVE OWEN ONTO THE SET? I legitimately had to pause to realize this was him because I saw both Clive Owen and EDMUND first and now I'm remembering how a critic ages ago described the similarity to Clive and also how good the casting is that he looks just like his father and I fucking CAN'T and he's not the only thing that's soaking wet and heaving 😰 giving her those fuck me eyes right from the get

Apparently because his disguise is so shit, his masquerade tekkers is to whip out his gravely Batman voice. Okay, Bruce Bridgerton, calm down. You won't tell your mother? I recall this was also your concern three seasons ago. Always sneaking behind Violet's back, aye? Just kidding, baritone daddy. Let's keep our dirty gazebo secrets together uwu

They did it. They fucking did it. They gave him the phaeton.

THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD AND RIP MY OVARIES OUT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS SHONDA? GO RIGHT AHEAD AND SHOW ME CANON PAPA BEARDTHONY AND WATCH ME DIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY COMPUTER SCREEN. THANKS.

So, in summary...

Season 4 already looks waaaaaay better than I had dared to hope for. The palette. The vibes. The obvious book accuracy. I have...no notes, other than to squeal in barely-contained excitement for *checks watch* about 18 months. Here's hoping it ultimately does satisfy. I'm at least grateful for the very juicy crumbs we're getting in the meantime 💙

[burningcheese-merchant]

*PUSHES THE DISCOURSE OUT* Okay! I just wanted to talk about this bit of the story because I hardly see anyone giving it attention.

Remember there was this whole segment in BY 5, where it talked about the Soul Jams? It fascinated me of how it talked about the two halves shouldn't be united, since everything would perish because of the union. One could assume that it meant to emphasize the point that the Beasts should not get the other half of the Soul Jam, bu after the latest BY episodes, with the whole thing about PV and SM soul merging (no matter how brief it was), it feels like there could be more to the poem now.

Maybe it's my shipping brain making me delusional, but I feel like the poem might become applicaple in some way for the rest of the Beasts and Ancients later on in the story. I would absolutely go wild to see GC and BS soul merge-

Don't worry, I'm equally as delusional lmaoooooo and also, you have a point. As the Beast-Yeast storyline goes on, I feel like they're diving deeper into the truth of the Beasts and Ancients' dynamic: they're not just generic enemies, they're literal soulmates. Two halves of a whole. They want and need each other, they ARE each other in some ways, for better or worse. They went full mask-off with PV and SM but imo you see it in the other pairs and their episodes as well.

With the commentary in ep 5 about how the Soul Jams shouldn't reunite, I really think it's the more baseline thing of "if they reunite, BS will be unstoppable and evil wins". Eps 7 and 8 reveal the truth of the matter for ALL the pairs imo, not just PV and SM, which is that they belong together, it is actual, literal destiny, they are nothing without each other and define each other's lives and the virtues/vices they uphold. What is Truth without Deceit? What is Abundance without Destruction? These things simply cannot be, unless they are together. (BS himself even acknowledges it in one of his leaked affection lines: "You see, a world of Abundance can only be built on the ruins of the past". He admits that Abundance needs Destruction. That Golden Cheese needs him. And he needs her.)

I've said this before but I can honestly talk about the BurningCheese dynamic for SOOOOO long. They drive me insane. There's so much to dissect and analyze about them, but no one will do it except for me 😭 Look:

They even have their own "in the end, you will become me" moment 😭 their relationship is just as deep as PV and SM's, you guys... Please, I can't be the only one who sees and knows this......

(also... Dude. I would have KILLED to see them merge souls like PV and SM did. CAN YOU IMAGINE. BS already demonstrated that he cares about HER, not the Soul Jam, not really (he had it in his hands and he DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH IT. He just went "meh whatever this was supposed to happen" and then started whining and fussing about wanting to see GC again). Can you fucking imagine if they followed through with the line shown above and had GC give in to destruction, like how PV gave in to deceit? If GC had her own "corrupted" skin, like Truthless Recluse? I dare you to tell me BS wouldn't have been excited as all hell if she submitted to him like that. He was horny af throughout their fight, he would've busted a nut on the spot if that happened 😂 the concept has been haunting me since ep 8, I would've died happy if there had been a BurningCheese soul merge, God I need to learn to draw properly so I can bring that shit to life myself-)

[harrysmileycostume]

Only Alibis

"Here, right here," you instructed your Uber driver a little rudely for your taste. You mentally sighed. You needed to tip a little more generous than usual, and fix your attitude before going in to meet Harry.

The car pulled up to the curb in front of the restaurant and stopped. "Thank you!" you said nicely, opening the car door. "I'll leave a good review," you called, hastily walking into the place while doing just that and tipping $20.

You were late, and Harry wasn't going to be pleased with you. 

You'd had a subpar day, to say the least. You accidentally woke up late for your first class and rushed to lecture only to be handed back a failing essay. You were confused and upset at your mark, but you had another class right after, so you planned to attend office hours later in the week to inquire about it. You tried to brush off the bad morning and focus on your other classes, but you couldn't manage it. You were hungry because you didn't eat breakfast, tired from a rigorous schedule, and nervous about your bad grade. It wasn't like you to fail anything, period. You were a good student.

That was one of the things that attracted Harry to you.

He wasn't going to be happy if he found out.

He also wasn't going to be happy with your tardiness.

You'd been outlining lecture notes for an exam later in the week when you realized you needed to order your Uber right away to make it on time to the restaurant. Unfortunately, with dinner being set at 7pm in the heart of the city, there weren't a lot of cars available, and Harry hated for you to take a taxi, especially with his money. He wouldn't tell you why, only that he'd had a negative experience once, and you weren't to use them.

You waited longer than usual for your Uber, and then there was traffic, and now you were late for dinner. You texted him that you might be late, and he hadn't replied.

You were nervous to see him, and you didn't like that. Usually, you looked forward to time spent with Harry. He was a little older than you and a successful businessman, so he was a nice escape from your college peers obsessed with grades and internships and law school admissions. He also could be terribly romantic, although he'd never want you to admit that. 

And what girl didn't like shopping and sex?

You strode into the restaurant, immediately spying him sitting alone. It made you a little sad to see him all by himself, waiting for you. You didn't know it for a fact, but you always imagined Harry a little lonely in his private life.

The receptionist tried to stop you from going past the lobby, and it was then that Harry looked at you, having drawn attention to yourself. "I'm meeting Mr. Styles," you explained, annoyed that you always got stopped at these places. You were wearing a thousand-dollar dress that he purchased. Why shouldn't you belong in this restaurant?

You gestured over to Harry and the receptionist looked over at him. Harry gave him a singular nod and then stared coldly at you. You quickly walked over to his table and stood behind your chair like he liked you to. "Hi, Harry," you said, smiling uneasily.

"What?" he asked, annoyed.

You blinked, positive that he'd heard you. "Hi, Harry," you repeated.

"You can address me properly, please," he said, unsmiling.

Your face fell, shocked. Harry sometimes liked to be dirty in public, but never at dinner before he took you home. You were actually excited to sit and talk with him today, to relax and enjoy yourself for a moment in your bad day.

You supposed he had other plans. And you needed the money.

"Hi, Daddy," you corrected yourself, plastering a smile on your face.

"Sit." You couldn't help but erase your fake expression at that, pulling out the chair and sitting down.

"You're late," he said unhappily.

"I know, I'm sorry. I texted y--"

"I make reservations for these dinners, Y/N. A text doesn't fix my reputation at a place I like to come to," he said.

Just then, a waiter approached your table. You glanced down at your menu, looking for the drinks they offered here speedily, not wanting to delay Harry any longer than you already had.

"She's here. I'd like the filet dinner, and I want the potatoes that come with it to be extra crispy," Harry said before the waiter could greet you. He held out the menu for him to take and glanced over at you expectantly.

The waiter held out his hand for your menu and you reddened. "Um, I'd like a water," you said slowly, "and do you have Caesar salad?" you asked.

You didn't want Caesar salad. That actually sounded awful. You liked dining out with Harry and eating actually filling and delicious food, so different from the dining hall and the snacks you kept in your dorm.

As a matter of fact, you probably wanted the same steak Harry was having, but you had no idea what it actually was on the menu, and this was your safest bet to order. Everywhere had Caesar salad, right? You were starving, but it probably came with chicken and bread at a place as fancy as this, and maybe some soup. And after your day, you weren't in the mood to look through the menu and sweat as Harry and the waiter stared you down. 

"No, we don't," the waiter replied.

Shit.

"Okay, well, um--"

"We have a garden salad that can be served with Caesar dressing," the waiter suggested.

A garden salad would certainly not have any protein on it.

Fuck this day.

"That sounds great, actually. Thank you so much," you said, handing over your menu.

"All right. I'll be back over with your water, miss," the waiter said, walking away.

"You didn't want wine?" Harry asked you.

You shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't really get the chance to look," you said without thinking, hoping he didn't perceive it as rude.

"Well, I waited half an hour here for you like an idiot, so I wanted to order," he told you, and you frowned. "Tell me, are you usually so late for appointments at school?" he asked, and that struck a nerve with you from earlier today. Your professor was less likely to adjust your grade after you came in late this morning.

"No, Daddy, I--"

"Order a glass of red when he comes back. I imagine it'll assist you later tonight," he said with no attempt to lower his voice, and your face reddened some more at the thought of him punishing you, and that the people surrounding your table were listening in. He already was making you call him Daddy, was that comment really necessary?

"Yes--"

"And order it properly, please. I don't want to hear 'Well, um--' when I'm sponsoring you through school on track to become a lawyer, Y/N. It's not very becoming of an attorney to talk so childishly. I certainly wouldn't take you very seriously in my office, and in such a slutty outfit as well. I work with attorneys everyday; I've told you that," he said sternly. "Y/N?" he asked, waiting for your reply.

You hadn't realized he was done speaking. "Yes, Daddy," you replied.

The waiter returned with your water and you spoke up. "Excuse me," you said.

"Yes, miss?" he asked.

"May I please have a glass of red wine?" you asked.

"Your finest Merlot," Harry corrected. "She'd like a whole bottle, actually. Bring a glass for me as well, please. Thank you."

"Of course, sir. I'll be back with that," he said, turning and walking away.

"Thank you," you said politely, the waiter not addressing you in return. You took a sip of water.

"Are you going to ask me how my week is?" Harry asked, and you were beginning to break down.

"I was only taking a--"

"Are you talking back to me? I really don't appreciate your attitude today, Y/N. You're rude, sloppy, late. I'm honestly upset with you," he told you. His face hadn't made a figment of a smile since you saw him. He was now actually frowning at you.

"O-Okay--"

"Well? Are you going to ask?" he snapped.

You took a deep breath. "I will, Daddy, and I'd love to hear about your week. May I please be excused to the restroom first, though?" you asked.

"Go," he said. "Go, and come back much nicer," he commanded.

You nodded. "Yes, Daddy, I will. Thank you." You stood from your chair and paced to the bathroom, feeling tears bubble in your eyes. You couldn't cry yet, not here where he could see you and become more disappointed and undoubtedly reprehend you some more.

You pushed open the door to the bathroom, grabbed a couple of paper towels, and shut yourself in a stall. You cried. You cried on behalf of your grade, Harry, and a million other things. You didn't know why, but your roommate kept resurfacing in your mind as well.

Your roommate Gina was having trouble. Her dad had passed away late last year, and along with that, she was worried she wouldn't be able to return to school this semester because of her dad's funeral expenses and her family's loss of income. She'd applied for loans and been denied. Thankfully, over the summer, it appeared that she would actually have the funds to attend school, and she was in classes with you currently. However, now her grandmother was undergoing chemotherapy. Her mother was using money set aside for tuition to help her grandmother, and the school was now constantly emailing and calling Gina, asking her for her payments.

When you finally pried all of this out from your proud roommate, you confidently promised her that you could take care of her tuition with your monthly allowance from Harry. Sure, it'd use most of it up, but you didn't mind. You didn't need new shoes; Gina needed to continue her education. You were happy to help her, especially in a time of such distress.

Even though you were able to help, you still caught yourself feeling horrible about the situation. This was actually why you wanted to become a lawyer, to hopefully help people like Gina. The country was just set up so unfairly, and you hated it. You especially hated watching your grieving roommate stress about things out of her control.

You calmed down after a minute, drying your tears and taking deep breaths. You wished that Harry wasn't so mean today, but he was paying you to do exactly what he wanted. You ought to go out there and act however he liked you to, and you knew he would not like to see you crying out in public. He was always reminding you what it took to be a lawyer, and that was stone-cold professionalism. There was no time for crying.

You exited the stall and ensured that you looked normal in the mirror, splashing cold water on your face and readjusting your dress. It had also upset you that Harry'd called your dress slutty. You wore things like this all the time when you went out with him--it had spaghetti straps, but it was generally respectable. He'd even purchased you it on a shopping trip last weekend. You knew that you were technically Harry's sugar baby, but you resented the thought that he really thought of you as some slut he was putting through school.

It reminded you that you weren't going to establish any more of a relationship with him.

Never mind that. It was time to go out there and earn Gina's tuition. You'd told her she could count on you, and weekly dates were certainly something Harry expected of you.

You left the bathroom and sat back down with Harry, finding that your salad and wine were at the table. Harry hadn't touched his steak.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Daddy," you said, rejoining him. "I didn't realize the food was almost ready."

He didn't reply, cutting into his steak.

"Daddy, how was your week?" you asked then.

"Much better," he remarked, looking up at you with that proud glint in his eye. "That's my favorite girl."

You couldn't help but smile as you cut your salad. You definitely sought Harry's approval. You'd grown to trust him over the past year, and it made you happy to think that he thought you'd be successful.

"It was all right, babe. Busy. I'm a little uptight, you probably have noticed," he said.

You didn't know how to reply to that.

"And you?" he asked.

"I'm... I'm okay. My workload is really starting to escalate in my classes," you told him.

"Oh, I know. They're simply preparing you, baby. Law school isn't easy," he said.

"I know, Daddy. I'm working really hard," you said, your bad grade flaring in your mind as you dressed your salad.

"That's what I like to hear, love-y. You're going to be very well-prepared, from such a good school," he said. "Schools here in New York are very high-regarded. And you know that I can call anywhere and speak with admissions," he told you.

You rolled your eyes a little. "I plan on getting admitted to law school on my own merit, Daddy."

"I know, pumpkin, and you will. Just... If a problem comes up, or you don't think they've been fair to you, I could work something out. Write a reference for you, something. You work very hard, baby. I want you to go exactly where you want for school," he said. "You shouldn't have to settle."

You took a bite of your salad. "Not planning on it."

He smiled largely at you, his eyes crinkling and his dimple showing. "That's a good girl. That's my Y/N. Much, much better," he praised you.

You smiled back at him, feeling better, too. "Thank you, Daddy. Means a lot, coming from you," you said.

Your waiter came back with a plate of chocolate cake and set it on the table. "Let me know if you'd like anything else. I'll have your check momentarily."

You looked over at Harry, confused.

He shrugged. "I know garden salad probably isn't what you really wanted," he amended. "I'm sorry I was in such a sour mood when you arrived. Just... I've had a hard week at the office, and I didn't sleep well last night," he said.

"Me neither. I think the stress has caught up with us both, Harry," you replied. "Daddy. Sorry--" you began correcting yourself.

"No, Y/N, Harry's fine," he interrupted you. "I'm sorry," he added, and the gravity of those words on their own, coming from Harry Styles, New York executive, made you pause a second. 

"Here, have some of my steak." He moved pieces from his plate to yours as you sat in silence a second.

"You're fine, Harry. Thank you," you said, glancing down at your cake.

"Don't thank me yet, babe. You don't know what awaits you at home," he told you.

You smiled back at him, though you weren't sure you were excited. - Harry's car took you back to his penthouse on the Upper East Side. You always liked looking out the window on the way to his place, but tonight, Harry insisted you sit in the middle seat, closer to him. It was a reminder that he was angry after such a hard week, and wanted to keep you close as a precursor to tonight's lashing out.

You usually liked Harry's punishments. He'd spank you, deny you, insult you for awhile before fucking you mercilessly into his mattress, up against his wall, over his desk. It was hot. 

Tonight, you were nervous, though. You'd had a rough day, and you almost broke down when he was stern with you in the restaurant. He'd apologized, which was admittedly rare, and you had a nice meal afterwards, enjoying your cake and nodding along to his stories from the office. But you felt in your mind that you still weren't elated for tonight.

It didn't matter, though, you told yourself. Harry paid you an allowance that you especially relied on this month. He could have you any way he liked you.

His hand massaged your thigh rigorously. You knew he was planning on spanking them painfully later.

You kept quiet the whole drive, not speaking unless spoken to. When you first met Harry, you were perplexed by all the time he spent in silence. You wondered if it was a signal that he was angry with you or didn't enjoy spending time with you. As you got to know him more, you understood. He wasn't interested in speaking unless there was truly something to be said. You grew to like it about him; it was a quality that had taught you a lot while you were in lectures full of opinionated political science students. 

This wasn't pensive silence, though. It was anger mulling; anger from a sleepless, hard-working, cunning Wall Street executive. You could see it in his eyes when you were brave enough to glance for a millisecond. He was going to want to see you suffer and beg.

The car pulled up to a stop at the curb of his apartment building, a swanky, sky-high, glass mirrors sort of place. He got out and held the door for you. "Goodnight, James," he called into the car before shutting the door and waiting as the car drove away.

"Christ, do you ever get the feeling that sometimes he deliberately takes the route with the most traffic?" he asked you, and you didn't reply, not knowing anything about one way being better than another. "Come on," he beckoned you, walking into his building.

You got into the elevator and he sighed heavily when you were stopped several times by other people getting on.

He was angry, and it made you sad. It made you sad because this usually thrilled you, the mystery of not knowing what was in store for you upstairs. Right now, you were anxious you weren't going to be able to handle it.

The doors opened to his floor and you waited for him to exit the elevator first. "Go," he told you, and you stepped off, him behind you. "Go on. You know the way," he instructed bossily.

You walked to his door and waited for him to open it. You turned after a minute to find he was several paces behind you, still making his way over. "I like to watch you," he said lowly once he was close enough. "Have we ever discussed getting you your own key?" he asked.

"No," you told him.

"What?" he asked you.

You chastised yourself, so forgetful. He'd told you last time that you should address him by Daddy in his penthouse always. "No, Daddy, we haven't."

He opened the door. "Perhaps we should consider it. I wouldn't mind having you around more often, and you could come up and study from my desk, order lunch for yourself. I like the idea of you having somewhere safe and quiet to come and do your work. Your dorm and the library probably get tiring." He stepped inside and you followed him. You were almost flattered by his suggestion until he tacked on, "And I'd get to see you naked more often, fuck you over my lunch break."

"It would be nice, Daddy," you agreed standardly as you entered his penthouse.

He stared back at you, taking off his suit jacket. He draped it over one of his living room chairs and raised his eyebrows at you. "You've been very naughty, and you know it, Y/N. Head upstairs."

You resisted the urge to sigh and made your way up his steps, him one step behind you the whole way. He grabbed at your ass a few times between the sounds of him taking off his belt. He was going to make you hurt, and you knew it.

You entered his bedroom and your heart sunk in your chest. It was then you knew: you didn't want to do this tonight. 

He shut the door behind you and you shut your eyes.

"I want you to tell me exactly what you've done wrong," he directed you, "because you know what it is, and I won't tolerate it."

You took a deep breath. You had to start before you finished. "I was late--"

"Face me."

You turned around, gulping.

"So foolish. What good would your admission be if I couldn't see the guilty look on your face?" he asked you. "Y/N, you're brighter than that."

You hated when he called you Y/N in here, and he knew it. Apparently, you didn't deserve the title of baby or little girl or princess right now.

"Begin again. I'm waiting," he said, and you took another deep breath.

"I was foolish when I did not turn around to give my apology," you started. "I was late to dinner, and I kept you waiting. I wore a dress you did not like, one that you said was slutty and not becoming of a lawyer. I spoke... I spoke impolitely to you several times at dinner. I contradicted you, and you're always right, Daddy. I was wrong. I also made a fool out of myself when I ordered my meal and my wine. You always say that I should speak like a lawyer all the time, and I didn't, and I'm sorry, Daddy. I also forgot to ask you how your week was, which was rude," you listed. 

"What else did I call you?" he asked, raising his eyebrow.

"I was rude, and sloppy, and late," you listed, your voice breaking a moment. "I've been bad." 

"That's right, Y/N. You remember well. Now, I want your thoughts on this. What do you think your punishment should be?" he asked you, smacking his belt against his hand much more gently than he ever used it with you. 

You looked at the belt and back at him a moment. "Five spanks," you said without really thinking, although it was a low number for you both. When you thought about it, that is really the punishment you wish you'd receive.

"Five?" he asked you, incredulous. "You listed all of those things, and you think they amount to five spanks?" he asked.

"I--" you began, not knowing what you were going to say.

"You're right, Y/N, you are foolish. I'm not going to waste time recounting all the things you just listed, but I will tell you that you have been insubordinate, stupid, and lazy. You disrespected me and ruined my reputation at a restaurant that I like to frequent. I expect much more from you. You behaved like a child, and I... I am not going to stand for it any longer. Undress. Undress right now. For saying that you deserve five spanks, I'm going to employ thirty. Thirty spanks for Y/N for being bad," he said. 

Thirty spanks. You'd never received so many, usually twenty being your maximum.

Your face flushed as you began to remove your dress.

"Look at you, you're pathetic. You walk into the restaurant looking like any whore off the street. It was no wonder the receptionist thought to stop you from entering the dining room." You lifted the dress from your shoulders and allowed it to fall to the floor, willing the tears back into your eyes as you pulled down your panties and dropped them next to your dress.

"You're very bad, do you hear me? You're--Look at me when I speak to you!" he yelled.

You gasped, having been looking over at the door behind him absentmindedly. "Sorry, Daddy--"

"No! No more sorry. You're going to hurt now, and realize what you've done. Thirty-five spanks for a naughty Y/N, are you proud now?" he asked you. What he did next shocked you. He reached forward and smacked you across the face--not too hard, but it stung. He'd never done that before.

You stared back at him in shock.

"Answer me," he bellowed.

"No, Daddy, I'm not," you replied.

"Bend over onto the bed. Forty spanks for you, you whore. Can't even respond when I ask you a question, you useless slut."

You turned around and did as told, allowing the tears to escape your eyes and flow down your face then. Useless slut. That's what he thought of you.

Without warning, he lashed the belt on you and it stung familiarly, but not well. You allowed yourself to sob into his comforter.

"Count," he instructed you. "Count, you stupid, bad little girl! You know I like you to count. And now you've made it fifty! Fifty spanks for Y/N, or more if she doesn't fucking count right this second!"

"One," you cried aloud. You tensed, waiting for the next spank to hit you, but it didn't.

"Y/N? Y/N, baby?" he asked gently then. 

You stayed still, untrusting.

He leaned over to get a better look at you and saw that you were bleeding your makeup onto his white bedspread. "Baby, are you all right?" he asked softly, his hand coming to caress your back. You flinched at first, but then relaxed, realizing his movement wasn't to spank you.

"May I sit up?" you whimpered. "Daddy! Daddy, may I--" you corrected yourself miserably.

"Yes. Yes, you may," he said, and you flipped over and sat properly on the bed, crying into your hands. 

"Just... Just give me a minute. One minute, and we can start over, I promise. I don't mean to ruin it," you cried, sniffling in an effort to suppress your tears already.

He frowned. "No," he said, and you began to sob again, thinking he was going to flip you over and strike you. "No, Y/N. No, baby, why are you crying?" he asked you, his expression containing heaps more sympathy than it had all night.

You blubbered. "I... I failed my paper," you bawled, the first of your many grievances against life today. "I failed, Harry! And you're going to be upset with me. I failed, and I don't know why. I worked hard on it and I talked to my TA about it, and I got it back today, and it was all marked up with red pen and a big F on the front! And I'm bad! I'm a bad, lazy, stupid girl!" you cried.

His face fell. "Oh, baby," he whined, pouting. "There, there. It's one lousy paper, babe. It's no reason to be so upset," he said.

"Yes it is, Daddy, when any law school worth studying at practically requires a perfect average!" you wiped your tears. "And I'm not meant to fail. I... I studied it. I spent a week on it, apparently not realizing that it was all wrong. I'm useless," you cried out, frustrated with yourself. You wiped your tears again. "But it doesn't matter, you don't want to hear it. And I need the money this month. I'm fine. Let's just... Fifty spanks for a naughty Y/N, let's do them," you said, beginning to flip over.

He stopped you, pushing your shoulder. "No," he told you, shaking his head. "No, what was that you said? You said you need the money?" he asked you. "What's that about? What are you saying?"

You rolled your eyes. "I don't want to bother you with it," you said. "Let's just do it, come on. I know I kept you waiting at the restaurant like a fuck up, and now I'm wasting more of your time. Let's get on with it."

"No, Y/N," he said stricter. "No. Tell me what you need the money for. Is it not enough? Do you need more? You're meant to spend that money on things you want, babe."

You frowned. "I know, and I'm sorry, but--"

"No; don't apologize, tell me. What do you need the money for, Y/N?" he asked you plainly.

You sighed. "It's my roommate. She... Her dad passed away last year, and she needs the money to stay in school. It's a shit situation. Her grandma has cancer, and--" you cut yourself off, letting out a sob. "It's just... She's so sad and worried all the time, and I told her I'd pay for it, and let's just do it. I've already fucked up the whole date. You at least deserve the sex. Hit me, tell me I'm bad," you said.

He frowned at you, pausing. "Your roommate. That's Gina, right?" he asked.

You nodded, a little surprised he remembered, but not really. You did talk about her. 

"She's your really good friend. You girls go and see movies together," he recalled. 

You laughed through your tears, nodding. "Yes, since freshman year because we were too scared to go party on the weekends."

"That's right, I remember that," he said softly. "All right, Y/N. I think you need a shower and a proper dinner. I'm going to order a pizza, and I want you to take a long shower, and by then the pizza will be here, and we're going to talk. Only... Only it's not a bad talk; don't be worried. I'm not gonna hit you," he said, frowning some more.

You blinked, terrified. Was he going to let you go for your behavior? "No, Daddy, you don't understand," you told him. "Please. Please, I can be better. I was only late because I was studying and forgot to order a car, and then it took forever and there was traffic, and I know you tell me never to take a taxi, so I didn't, but--"

"Y/N, you listened to me when I said that?" he asked you.

You frowned, confused. "Yes. You told me not to take a taxi with your money, and I haven't. Why?" you asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing. It's only to keep you safe, but I can't believe you listened. Why wouldn't you tell me that's why you were late?" he asked.

"Because you always tell me you don't want to hear excuses. Excuses don't matter in the courtroom, only alibis. That's what you say," you told him.

He smiled softly at you, leaning forward and caressing your cheek. "Right, dear. That's what Daddy says. Run along and take your shower. It's nothing bad. You just aren't ready to do this tonight," he said.

"Daddy, if you fire me, I'll have no way to pay for Gina's school. It's not fair to her. I promised," you stated. "Please. I can be better," you repeated, begging. "I'll never be late again, I won't talk back--"

"Y/N, I'm not firing you. Please go and get in the shower and relax. I'm not coming in, either. Just spend a moment alone right now. Get clean," he instructed.

You got up off the bed then and stared back at him. "Yes, Daddy."

That's when he did something that shocked you to your core. He stood up as well, and leaned forward and kissed you on the mouth.

You and Harry had never, ever kissed before. You'd had sex probably more than a hundred times. You sucked him off a lot, and he liked to finger you sometimes, and lick you down on very special occasions. The last time he did it was after your honors ceremony last semester. He'd sat in the back, far away from your parents. He watched as you received your award for having one of the best averages in your class, clapping for you with a proud smile on his face. He didn't approach you the whole event. Only afterwards did he text you, "Come over, baby. You smart sexy thing. I'm so proud of you. My very favorite girl."

You remembered the day you realized you'd never kissed him, and it made you dejected. Your friends always said how lucky you were to have Harry, a handsome sugar daddy to pay for everything for you, but it also meant you had absolutely no time for a boyfriend. Ever since you'd first met Harry, you hadn't been kissed, which was now over a year. 

Your friends were right that you were lucky; you agreed. You loved spending time with Harry, and he made you feel like no one else could. But sometimes, and you hated to admit it because it was so humiliating, you laid next to him while he was sleeping, staring at his lips, remembering what it was like to be kissed, imagining what it would be like to feel one of his.

You cleared your throat, nodding. "Okay. Okay, I'll shower," you told him.

You spent a moment staring at each other, and you realized he wasn't going to say anything. Maybe it was a fluke.

You turned away from him and walked over to his master bathroom.

"Y/N," he said, and you turned around. Your name didn't sound like a punishment at all right now.

"Yes?" you responded, eerily aware of your nakedness.

"What do you like on your pizza?" he asked you.

You smiled. "I like pepperoni, but cheese is fine, too. Whatever you like, I can just pick it off. I don't mind. Thank you, Harry."

"Of course, Y/N. Run along," he instructed you, which was one of his favorite things to tell you, and you knew it. "Pizza'll be here when you're done."

You grinned, entering the bathroom then and turning on the shower. - After your long shower, the pizza had arrived, as Harry predicted. It was amazing what money could achieve. Pizza took nearly an hour to be delivered to your dorm.

You stood wrapped in your towel. "I didn't bring a change of clothes, I'm foolish," you told him.

"No, you're not," he said, shaking his head and opening his dresser drawers. He pulled out a set of sweats you'd never even seen him wear to bed. He was always dressed very sharply, donning matching silk sets to sleep.

"Thanks," you told him, dropping your towel and keenly aware of his eyes staring at you as you first took the pants from his hands and stepped into them, and then the sweatshirt, pulling it over your head.

You tugged the sleeves of the sweatshirt past your wrists to hold them as you liked to. "So. You said we should talk?" you asked him.

He opened the pizza box for you wordlessly, and you understood that he meant for you to take a slice, so you did. "Sit on the bed," he directed you.

You did as you were told, taking a bite of your pepperoni pizza. He smiled at that, but then his face grew more serious. "You say you're helping Gina pay her tuition. How much is that, exactly?" he asked you.

"She gets about the same financial aid as me, so it's like three grand a month," you told him. "You pay mine," you reminded him, and he nodded.

"That's right," he told you. "It's thirty four hundred dollars a month. I allow you four thousand dollars spending a month, which I expect you to spend on dresses and shoes and whatever your little heart desires."

You nodded, frowning. "I know, Harry, but she needed help, and--"

"--So that's hardly enough for you to do that when you're also so generously helping her. Therefore, I have decided that I will now allow you ten thousand dollars a month."

You blinked. "What?"

He nodded. "You heard me. I'm raising your allowance so you have plenty of room to support your friend. I imagine if she doesn't have money for tuition, that maybe sometimes she might need money for groceries or anything else," he said. "Does that sound like a reasonable number for you to buy yourself what you want and help her and whatever other little woodland creatures elect to follow you around?" he asked you.

You were nibbling on your crust now, smiling a bit at his princess reference. "It's more than reasonable, Harry. I'll have more than what I had before after I pay for her tuition," you said. "She's got a part-time job. It's not much, but she manages her personal expenses."

"Well, tell her that she can quit. Or buy yourself more things because it's also meant as a raise," he said. 

"Thank--"

"Do you have any idea how proud I am of you?" he asked you, and you smiled. "You're a stellar student. You are the director of philanthropy for your sorority, which is just about the most adorable thing I've ever heard. You sing in your school's choir, and you also spend time feeding the homeless and reading to children and all sorts of random little causes you dedicate yourself to. You've taken on helping your roommate. On top of all of that, you still manage to be a very good girl for me, and I know I demand a lot of you, which is why I have given you a raise," he said. "And you will not only be a lawyer, Y/N, you're going to be a very successful one. Do you hear me?" he asked you.

You nodded. "Yes, Daddy."

"All right. Here," he said, holding out the pizza box again. 

You opened the box and took another slice.

"Now for the matter of your bad grade," he said, and you tensed. He set the pizza box back down beside him on a side table. "Did you look it over? What do you make of it?" he asked you.

You sighed. "I didn't look it over yet. It just... I was so upset over it, and I have an exam to study for. I didn't want to waste time being upset, so I just thought I'd look at it tomorrow and make an appointment with my professor to have him look it over with me," you said.

"Do you think you will end up bargaining with him to change your grade?" he asked.

You frowned, dreading the idea. "Maybe. I don't know. I just... I know what the prompt was, and I know what I wrote about. I don't know for sure, but I really thought it was A work when I turned it in, Daddy."

He nodded.

"And another thing, this is the first big assignment all semester. I really didn't get a chance to learn how he grades writing. The rest of our grade is made up of quizzes right now," you told him.

"Have you done well on those?"

"Almost perfect," you said.

He smiled at you. "Right. That's my girl. Well, in the event that the professor does not adjust your grade, let me know immediately so I can handle it. I imagine the paper deserves at least a B, and I'm not afraid to make a phone call," he said. "I'll read it over for you if you'd prefer, and I'll call and tell him how it should be graded. And if he argues, I'll contact the head of his department and the dean. I donate too much to that school for some idiot professor who doesn't know what he's doing to tell my gorgeous special Y/N that she's failed. I'm sure your work is exceptional as usual, and he's only doing it to be more of a prick than he already is."

You shook your head, smiling. "What if I read over the paper and find it to be inadequate?"

"Impossible. Even if it's not your best work, you should still demand a better grade. I find it highly unlikely that you've done excellent on all your assessments thus far, but you earnestly failed your first paper mere weeks before finals. He might be trying to skew the average of his class, and he's botched the wrong little girl's grade, I can tell you that much right now," he told you. "Does that sound probable to you?"

You hadn't considered that. "Yes, Daddy." You finished your second slice of pizza and looked up at him patiently.

"Would you like another?" he asked you. "I like watching you eat."

You nodded, eyes widening as he handed you the box again. "This is really good pizza, Daddy. Where did you order from?" you asked, grabbing another slice.

"The restaurant across the street from where I'm taking you to see a Broadway show this weekend," he answered you. "Can you guess which one?"

You gasped excitedly. It wasn't uncommon for Harry to take you to see shows ever since he realized you liked them. Still, this was a very welcome surprise.

"I don't want to guess incorrectly..." you trailed, pursing your lips.

"Well, which is the one you told me you'd really like to see?" he asked.

"Is it... Is it The Music Man with Hugh Jackman?" you asked hopefully, knowing you'd mentioned it to him casually last week.

"That's right. We've got seats in the center orchestra for Saturday's matinee," he informed you. "I can point out the pizza joint to you when we arrive," he added.

"Oh, I'm so excited, Daddy. Thank you so, so much. I really wanted to see it, and I know you probably went through a lot of trouble to find the tickets. Thank you a million times over, I mean it," you said.

"Of course. Of course I got them for you, baby. I know you like to see the shows," he told you. "And I know you're a very busy girl, but I was wondering if you'd also be interested in going to lunch and shopping beforehand," he said. "We've both been busy lately, no?"

"We went shopping last weekend," you reminded him, a glint in your eye at the mention of the activity.

"Yes, I remember. I only realize now that you were unable to buy yourself nice things for a while because you were helping your friend, and that's not fair. I suppose we could go on Saturday to make up for some of it. How does that sound?" he asked you. "I know you liked some of those dresses that you passed on before."

The dresses he was mentioning were very similar in design to the one you wore tonight. You decided only to buy this one because you'd liked it best.

You shook your head. "You didn't like them, though."

"No?" he asked you, confused. "The ones with the little straps? Very cute, Y/N. You look so pretty with the neckline like that. I really rather did like them."

You frowned. "Daddy," you said slowly, "I wore that same silhouette tonight. You said it was slutty and that was why the receptionist was rude to me. I don't want you to buy something for me that you don't like me to wear. If you think I look cheap--"

"Baby," he said, frowning. "I didn't really mean those things. You think I think that of you?" he asked.

"Well, why else would I be stopped any time I come to meet you in a fancy place?" you asked him.

"Because, Y/N, I've told you. You can't just walk into these places, you need a reservation. It's the receptionist's job to make sure only the right people enter the dining room," he explained.

Your face fell. "But you said--"

"I know," he interrupted you. "I know, and... When I say those things to you, I don't mean them, Y/N. I don't... You honestly thought all this time that they were mistaking you for a prostitute from the street?" he asked you.

"That's what you always tell me," you said softly. "You told me that the first time we ever went out together, that the receptionist thought I was a whore."

"I was just... I was just being dirty," he told you. "I was just making you riled up for later."

"Well, it worked," you mumbled. "Can I call you by your real name? I know we're in the bedroom, but you're calling me Y/N," you said. "It's not to punish me, is it?"

"No, not at all. I'm... I'm being serious right now, dear." He paused. "Yes, call me Harry."

"Okay. Thank you," you said back quietly.

He took a deep breath. "Y/N, I thought you knew better to not take the things I say to you in here personally."

You shrugged. "I usually don't. But sometimes you don't say them in here and I feel different about that. That first time you told me that I... That I looked like a prostitute, we were in your car and I remember being so embarrassed that the driver heard you talk that way about me. Sometimes... The way you looked at me today in the restaurant, like you were ashamed of me, and you talked about punishing me while there were people sitting near us... Sometimes I really do think you might think of me as stupid, or a slut," you said.

"Never," he contradicted. "Never, never, never. Would you rather I not call you those things anymore?"

"It's not really up to me to decide," you said.

He shook his head, kneeling down to you then, which you found odd. "No, it is. If something makes you upset, or you'd rather I not--"

"I like for you to punish me, Daddy, that's not--"

"Harry," he interrupted you. "Would you rather I no longer call you those things outside of our special time together?" he asked you.

"I think I would rather it be that way, but I know you like to be mean to me. I don't... I don't want to impose--"

"I'd rather stop doing something I like if it makes you feel bad about yourself," he said. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I thought you knew that you were my special girl, my very favorite."

You rolled your eyes at that, laughing a bit.

"No, don't laugh. What's funny about that?" he asked you. "You know I think you're smart and beautiful and kind, don't you?"

"I thought you might," you said a little flirtatiously. "I just... Harry, I know you mostly like the sex. I mean, that's what we're doing here, right?" you asked. 

Sex for money. And shoes and purses and dresses and tuition.

You hated to look at it that way when what you had with Harry was so much more to you.

It killed you to humble yourself and realize that that's what he saw it as. 

Didn't he?

He cleared his throat. "It might be, but... I'd never want you to think that I regard you as anything less than... Than wonderful, Y/N. Would you like to know the truth?" he asked you.

You were confused at that. "What's that?"

"How special you are to me," he replied. "Come sit at the top of the bed. Let's chat awhile. I know you should get to bed soon. Are you full and happy?" he asked you.

"Yes," you said.

"Then you'll sleep here tonight where I can watch over you," he decided. "When is your first class tomorrow?"

"Noon," you said.

"Perfect. So you'll sleep late, we'll order breakfast, and I can pay you some attention, hm?" he asked, moving to the top of the bed and sitting there waiting for you. You joined him, putting your legs under the covers.

"Don't you have work tomorrow?" you asked him, offering him the covers as well.

He awkwardly joined you beneath them. "I haven't treated you properly in some time, apparently, so I can say I'll be coming in late and give you a little spoiling. What if Daddy gave you his credit card for the afternoon, hm? Would that be good?" he asked you.

Your eyes widened and you nodded. Instinctually, you sat on your knees and began rubbing his chest. "Daddy--"

He grabbed your wrist. "Not now, baby. I said we should talk, yes? Don't you think so?" he asked you.

You looked back at him, so serious and genuine. You resumed your former position, but couldn't help keeping your hand on his chest. "Okay."

He nodded curtly. "All right. There's something I need you to understand." He paused and you maintained eye contact with him. "When I first met you, that was a year ago now, yes? Innocent baby, weren't you?" he asked. "In that tight dress at the alumni event, those big doe eyes blinking at me..."

You were a virgin when you met him, and he'd never know that.

You nodded, remembering.

"All right, but you were just as smart. So I imagine you know that when I first began seeing you, I had other girls." His eyes flickered at that, almost in shame.

"I know, Harry. And that's fine. We never promised anything to each other, and I understood what I was doing," you said.

"Well, six months into my time with you, I let them all go and began seeing you exclusively. You haven't seen panties that aren't yours around here in quite some time, isn't that right?" he asked you.

You'd thought that his other girls had lessened in number, but you weren't positive it'd dropped to zero. And you had no idea it had been that early into seeing him.

"No. But you still go on vacation and--"

"I know," he said softly. "I know, and... I have my fun when I'm away," he said lowly, "but... Here in New York, you're my only girl. And it's because I have never in my life met anyone like you. You're adorable, Y/N. You're the best thing--" he cut himself off before he embarrassed himself. "You're very, very special, and I don't think anyone could be better for me. You've learned how to behave in bed with me, you listen very well, and you always make me proud. You're loving, and kind, and so... so endearing. And you've fulfilled every need I wanted in someone I hire, so I let everyone else in the city go." He looked at you as though that was a really big deal to him.

You didn't know how to reply. Harry didn't owe exclusivity to you. 

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "So... I just want you to know that I would never just fire you, and I obviously think very highly of you. And I've... Over the course of the time we've known each other, I've come to see you as a friend, a good friend. So... So I'd never want to make you insecure or sad, or hurt you at all, okay?" he asked, his voice soft. "I really... I appreciate you, Y/N. You mean a lot to me." His face was pale with how nervous he appeared to be to say those words, as though they were top-secret.

Thinking back on how shocked you were when he apologized to you earlier, you imagined that he probably felt extremely awkward or even stupid to be telling you this.

You smiled, your heart soaring. Not only did you know how hard it must have been for him to say the words, they meant everything to you.

But you were trained not to react around him.

You nodded. "Thank you, Harry. You mean a lot to me as well. You... I don't think I could live in New York without you," you said, trying to return his gesture without crossing one of his many invisible boundaries. 

His face fell, his eyes glancing down uncomfortably. "I know it's expensive," he said solemnly.

"No," you said, shaking your head, and he looked back up at you. "No, not for that reason. I meant... You just make living here so much more exciting with all the things you take me to do, and I... I feel safe. I know that if I need help, or if a professor botches my grade or if I can't get the reservation I need for a philanthropy event, that you're a phone call away. It's comforting, you know? Not necessarily that you're powerful, but that you care for me," you said. You quickly cleared your throat and corrected yourself. "Not that you care for me--"

"No, I do. I care for you," he said quietly.

"I care for you, too," you said, only you didn't lower your voice to match his. You weren't ashamed to say it. "I hope you know it. I can't really shower you with expensive things as you do for me, but... I try to show you I care."

"And you do. You're real good for me, baby," he told you, and of course he couldn't be serious for so long. "Are you ready for bed, little one?" he asked, signaling that the time for Harry was over. 

"Yes, Daddy," you replied.

He nodded. "All right. Goodnight, then, baby." He moved away from you on the bed and faced away from you on his side.

You stared at him a second. "Goodnight, Daddy." - The next morning, you woke up to the sound of him showering. You thought perhaps you should go in and join him, but after last night, you really didn't feel much like it. 

It was funny, but not really. You always found yourself frustrated that Harry was so stoic with you. You didn't know how long you ached to have a serious conversation about the nature of your relationship with him. But now that you had, you realized it solved virtually nothing, and you felt strange. You were even more uncertain. 

More than anything, you still felt you were walking on eggshells, confused on what to say and what not to. He set all of the boundaries between you two, and got very upset if they were crossed. He didn't communicate or specify any of those boundaries to you, though, and that was the issue. 

He shut the water off and you contemplated pretending to still be asleep. Would he be upset with you for not joining him in the shower and initiating such an obvious sexy surprise?

You didn't have time to wonder. He opened the bathroom door with a towel wrapped around his waist and found you sitting up in bed. 

"Oh, baby, you're up," he said. "I didn't mean to wake you. The shower usually doesn't."

"It's okay. Good morning, Daddy," you replied.

He smiled at you. "You know, perhaps we should have you wear Daddy's clothes more often. You look quite cute, just how I like you to." He joined you on the bed and stroked your hair. 

"Don't think I forgot my promise yesterday. How do you want it, princess?"

"Aren't we meant to have breakfast?" you mumbled.

He frowned. "I thought I could have some of you first. How's that sound?" 

You hadn't realized he wanted to lick you down. Still, you realized, you didn't want it. You weren't in the mood for sex.

"What's wrong, baby girl?" he asked when you didn't reply. "Hm? Tell Daddy what you want, then."

Your faces were so close, and you were staring at his lips. You thought he might know what you were thinking. You should just say it.

"A kiss."

He froze.

Timid yet bold, you leaned forward and put your lips on his for just a second. "Like that, Daddy. See? We can just... Let's just kiss a moment. I promise it can be sexy," you drawled. You knew that you needed to use your baby voice to pull this off. 

You kissed him again and this time he received it much better, kissing you back. "Mm, Daddy," you moaned, unaware how much you were craving this until it happened. You pushed your tongue into his mouth and that's when he pulled away.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he asked, his eyes angry, scorned.

"Kissing you," you said softly. "When you did it last night--"

He stood up from the bed. "That was a mistake. Congratulations, now neither of us are in the mood."

You scoffed. "What, it's only a problem when you don't want sex?" you asked. That wasn't what he seemed to think last night.

"If you want your check, yes," he snapped.

Tears flooded your eyes as you sat there motionless. You couldn't move. You were in shock.

"Perhaps we should go out for breakfast. I wouldn't mind a blowjob in a bathroom stall."

He didn't mean that. He always made idiotic threats when he was angry, but the statement still insulted you.

He dropped his towel and opened his closet, picking out a suit and taking it off the hanger. Watching him get dressed, the anger inside you ignited and spread.

"I can tell you want to make a stupid objection, so make it," he said, buttoning his dress shirt.

"You mark me up with big purple bruises all down my neck. What is the difference if I would like to kiss you?" you fired off.

"The difference?" he questioned, raising his voice, and you looked down at the comforter in fear. "The difference is ten grand a month, Y/N. I do with you what I please, and I don't have any interest wasting my time with kisses for your sentiments. And don't think I don't mean it about the bathroom stall. You'll gag until you puke, do you hear me?" he screamed.

"I'm not going to breakfast," you gravely announced. 

When did you begin to cry? You blinked tears away, but it was no use.

"Yes you are because you've been awfully bad and it's your punishment. I want everyone in the restaurant to see your hair all matted at the back of your head after I force myself down your throat. You're going to take all of me from start to finish. Only then will you get your money for your friend."

Gina. She needed you.

You finally looked up at him, tears flowing down your face now. "Fine. I'll get ready." - Your car ride to the restaurant was dreadfully silent. You wished you were anywhere else, that the date was over, that the blowjob was over at the very least.

You were wearing a negligee with his dress jacket over it, a pair of stockings, and four-inch heels. Harry only kept especially scandalous clothes for you at his penthouse. Almost always, when you needed clothes for the next morning, it was because he fucked you the night before. And the next day, he liked for you to embarrass yourself over him; wear lingerie and hang on his arm in public.

You went inside the restaurant and you saw him immediately clock the bathroom in the far back. His hand rested at the small of your back as the waitress showed you your table, letting you know he meant what he said in the bedroom.

When you sat down, the waitress told you the breakfast specials and disappeared. As she walked away, you couldn't believe it. Your con law professor from last semester was sitting across the floor from you. You hoped to God she had the sense not to approach you when you were wearing a nightie sitting across from a man ten years your elder.

"Something wrong, baby?" he asked as he flipped through his menu.

"Nothing."

"What's my name?" 

You reddened. What if she heard you? Or maybe not this time, but one of the undoubted hundred times he was going to expect you to say it while you sat here?

He looked up at you. "Tell me. Now."

"Please. Please not here," you said softly. "We can... We can go back into the bathroom right now, whatever you want. Just not here." You chewed at the skin on your lip trying to force tears to stay in your eyes.

He looked back at you for a second before he cleared his throat, straightening his posture and sitting back in his chair. "Last night, you mentioned that you're doing research this semester. How's that going?" he asked you.

You blinked.

"Y/N, did you hear me?"

Y/N.

"Yes, I did. It's going okay," you said, confused but thankful. "I only wish we had more time. My research advisor goes on sabbatical next semester."

"That's a shame. I'm sure you'll do great, though," he said. He took a sip of water that was at your table when you arrived. "Are you presenting your findings? I'd love to come see."

"I am, actually. It's some time next month, I'll let you know," you said.

He shook his head. "They never give you proper time to study for your finals, damned school," he said. "You poor thing, you work yourself far too thin, babe."

"I'll manage," you said softly.

He looked up at you. "No, I know you will. You always do. Just... I hate for you to be overworked, my poor baby," he moped.

You sighed. His mood swings were exhausting, disorienting even.

"What?"

"What do you want me to say to that? And can we just go back now? The longer we wait, I'm not going to be able to eat anything when they bring it out," you said, frustrated.

His face fell, shame written all over him. "We aren't going back, Y/N. It's fine."

You rolled your eyes. 

"What? You didn't want to, did y--"

"No, I didn't want to, Harry, but I really wish you wouldn't have been such a prat this morning, then," you asserted. "Do you ever think before you speak to me, or is that a luxury I just don't get between us? Along with knowing where the fuck your head is at?"

His features turned to stone under the weight of your words. You couldn't believe it; you'd finally snapped.

You thought he might yell at you in front of this entire restaurant, your professor included, but you couldn't really bring yourself to care. At least you finally stood up for yourself. Instead, he reached into his suit pocket, and you furrowed your brow as he got out his wallet and set his credit card on the table.

"I promised you this. Return it when I see you next. Spend whatever you like, I don't care," he said, standing from the table.

You blinked, utterly dumbfounded. You had a million questions, and you asked precisely the wrong one.

"Will you send me the money for Gina?" 

"Yes. Goodbye," he said curtly, walking out of the restaurant, leaving you both dateless and clueless. - "Back from time with Daddy?" Gina asked when you came into your dorm clad in the classic baby girl ensemble.

"Yes, and he's sending me money for you, so I shouldn't hear it," you replied, a sour taste in your mouth after your lonely breakfast.

Gina didn't answer, going back to writing her notes.

You sighed. "I'm sorry," you said. "I'm sorry, I'm glad to be helping you. He was just difficult today. He left me alone at breakfast."

Gina frowned. "That's unusual. Did he give a reason why?" she asked.

"No," you said, taking off his suit jacket and draping it on your chair. "Well... We had an argument," you elaborated.

"An argument? Between a sugar daddy and a sugar baby? What's that even like?" 

You looked at the jacket a second more before you realized you couldn't anymore and hung it up in your closet so you could shut the door on it. You planned to do the same with your whole outfit. 

"I wish I could tell you," you said. "I'm so confused, I... He needs to figure out what he wants from me; that's what it is." You shook your head in disapproval.

"Seems complicated," Gina said softly, and you didn't want her to worry about you. Her circumstance was out of her control, and she had no obligation to stress over your situation with Harry.

So you pulled his credit card out of his jacket pocket. "Whatever. What really matters is that he gave me this." You twisted the card in your hand so that it sparkled in the sunlight from the window. "Black card."

Gina's eyes widened. "Holy shit. That's like--"

"I know. Let's ditch lecture. Where are we going?" - You waited for Gina as she tried on a skirt in a dressing room in Saks. 

"Are you sure I can buy this?" she asked.

"Yes, he won't know the difference, I promise," you told her. Money meant literally nothing to Harry. One skirt for Gina wasn't going to matter. You had three dresses and a pair of shoes on hold at the register.

Gina emerged from the dressing room and twirled. "What do you think? Date party?" she asked. "Dylan from Phi Gam is taking me, and he's rich, so this could work."

You nodded. "Sure. What with it?" you asked.

She frowned, looking down at the skirt. "Ah, I don't know. I have that black tank top--"

"That one would not work," you told her. "It won't look right with that skirt."

"I know," she said, sighing. 

"There's that black tank top at the front of the store. That would look nice," you told her. "Get that and I'll lend you my Choos and you'll be set for rich Dylan."

She looked at you, nearly scandalized. "That's like another three hundred dollars!"

You shook your head. "He won't care. I promise, Gina, really," you said. "He let me have the card for a reason."

She looked at you in the mirror. "Fine. I get the tank top, and you finally give David from Delt a chance."

You rolled your eyes. "Nev--"

"Y/N, he is cute! And he likes you," she said. "Doesn't it get boring coming to date parties all alone?"

"I don't have time for him," you said. You really felt it unfair to entertain boys from school when Harry essentially fulfilled the role of boyfriend in your life.

"You don't have time to bring him to the party? You'll be there anyways," she insisted.

After your fight with Harry today, the idea of spending an evening with another man sounded somewhat enjoyable for the first time in a year. You sighed. "Fine. Fine, I'll do it. I'll text him and ask," you said.

She smiled. "At long last." - Harry called you the next day while you were studying in the library.

"Hello?" you answered.

"Y/N," he said.

"That's me," you replied, marking a figure in your textbook with a post-it. 

He cleared his throat. He did it when he was nervous. "What are you doing Friday night?"

"Friday night? I have a date party for my sorority."

"You've bailed on them before for me," he replied instantly, which was true.

But you had a date to keep with David now.

"I have a date this time," you said softly. Why did this feel wrong?

"A date?" he asked.

"Yes. A date to a date party," you said firmly then. "He's from a fraternity on campus."

"Y/N, I've told you that the fraternities at that school do not--"

"Harry, you don't want me dating anyone, but that's not really in your control, is it?" you asked. 

He paused. "It's not that I don't want you dating anyone--"

"Well, I've heard you trash just about every male organization I bring up to you, from the sports teams to the social clubs, so I don't know," you said. This was new for you. You never spoke to him so candidly or with such attitude until yesterday. Your breakfast breakthrough apparently gave you a lot more confidence with him.

"Fine. You can't make it Friday?" he asked.

"No, I can't. That's tomorrow night, isn't it? The week is going by quickly," you said.

"Yes, it is," he said. "When am I meant to get my credit card back then?"

"Aren't we going to the show Saturday?" 

"Yes, only I was hoping to see you before then," he said. "I think we need to have another conversation."

You felt your textbook's pages over and over. "We do," you said, "and we can on Saturday. I promise. How's that?"

He didn't reply a second, uncomfortable yielding to your suggestion when usually it went the other way around between you both. "Fine. We'll talk on Saturday."

"Sounds good."

There was silence on both of your lines until you spoke up. "Anything else?"

"No, goodbye," he said and hung up.

You stared at your phone. What was going on with him? - Gina gave you a pitying look before leaving your dorm with Dylan. David was supposed to meet you half an hour before Dylan was coming to get her.

She shut the door behind her and you screwed your eyes shut. This was so humiliating. You finally gave this boy a chance, and he was blowing it.

That was his issue, he was a boy. 

Harry was never late. He expected you to be on time as well. He was a man, a real man.

You went on Snapchat, bored, only to find that David posted a video of him playing pong against a girl in a tube top in a rainbow-lit room.

Motherfucker.

You growled, throwing yourself on the bed. You couldn't go to the date party now. Everyone would only ask where David was when they could just look at his Snapchat and see him bailing on you.

To think you gave up a night with Harry for this.

Thirty-three minutes into feeling bad for yourself, your phone rang. 

Harry Styles.

You answered it, sitting up on the bed. "Hello?"

"Y/N, can you come downstairs?"

"What?"

He sighed. "I'm... I'm in the lobby of your dorm, and the security is giving me a hard time."

You couldn't help but smile. This had to be so embarrassing for him. He always nagged you about how gross it was to live in a dorm, how he could put you up in an apartment if you wanted. 

But he came here for you.

"I'll come right down," you told him.

"Ah, fuck. I'm not interfering with your date, am I? Are you getting ready?"

You shut your eyes a second. "No, um... It's canceled, actually."

He paused. "Did you ever have a date?" he asked you.

"Yes, Harry, I had one," you snapped.

"All right, sorry. I'll... I'll see you in a minute?"

"Yeah, I'm coming. Bye." You hung up the phone and put your feet in your dorm slippers before heading downstairs. - In the lobby, Harry was standing at the front desk, his hands in his pockets. He looked relieved to see you.

"Hi, I'm Y/N Y/L/N, I live here on the eighth floor," you greeted the campus security as you took your place next to him. "This is Harry Styles. He's... He's my friend," you said, glancing over at him and smiling to prove your familiarity. "Can he come up?"

The security guard looked the two of you up and down for a second before he relented. "Sign in, and sign out when you leave."

It was funny to watch Harry initial the sign-in sheet of your dorm, knowing he signed important documents all day.

You silently retreated over to the elevator.

Harry spoke up once you were inside and the doors had shut. "No date?" he asked. "How come? Are you tired?"

"No."

"Then--"

"He stood me up, Harry. Christ."

You saw his face fall in the steely reflection of the elevator door. It took him a few seconds to respond. "Y/N... I'm sorry, hon."

"You're not." You could definitely tell he was. You were just embarrassed.

"No, I--"

"Just leave it alone, okay?" you asked. You turned to face him then. "Why are you here?" 

He took a deep breath, and the elevator doors opened.

You exited the elevator, him following behind you. 

It was like going up to his penthouse, you realized. Only this was a New York City dormitory.

You opened your door and let yourselves in. You turned around to face him again, liking the look of him in your room. You supposed you'd like the look of him anywhere, but still.

"We should talk," he said. "I... I didn't want to wait until Saturday. I thought your date would be later, but I wasn't... I don't know what I was thinking."

"It doesn't matter anyway," you said. You lamely nodded over to your dorm desk. "You can sit if you'd like."

He looked at the chestnut standardized desk as though he wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole. "No thanks," he said politely. He took off his suit jacket and draped it on the chair.

You felt silly not having a place for him to sit.

"My bed, maybe," you said.

He shrugged.

So you hoisted yourself onto your bed and watched as he followed behind you, concealing your smile as you watched one of the city's richest men climb onto a twin XL.

You sat staring across the bed at each other until he spoke up.

"I'm so sorry," he told you. "How I acted on Wednesday... It was unacceptable."

"It's fine."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "No, it's not. I should have let you leave when you said you didn't want to go to breakfast. And I..." he swallowed, his features softening, "I threatened you, made you think I'd... I'd hurt you when--"

"Not hurt me--"

"Yes, hurt you. I'm sorry. I would never make you do something... I've... Have I ever made you do something you didn't want to?" he asked you. "I know I was upset Wednesday, and I was harsh, but... I hope you know I'd never make you do anything," he said. His eyes adjusted nervously. "Have I ever?"

"No," you said. "Never. We... We took it slow in the beginning, and I feel fine," you said.

He shut his eyes. "And that shit I said... That comment that I made about ten grand being--"

"You always say things you don't mea--"

"I just shouldn't fucking say them," he cut you off. "I should never say that to you. That was out of line, and so far from how... How I feel," he said.

You nodded. "I know. You keep me safe. I didn't... It's not that I didn't feel comfortable... Doing that in the bathroom, it's just that I didn't want to. I was upset."

"I know. And if you don't want to, we shouldn't," he told you. "Have you ever felt that way before?" he asked you again.

You shook your head. "No. No... Tuesday and Wednesday were... I was just... I was upset over my paper, and then our date didn't go well, and then we fought on Wednesday and I just... I've never felt that way with you before then, no," you said.

"Promise?"

"Promise, Harry." You nodded. "I've never been scared. I just thought... At the restaurant, I just wanted to get it over with, is all. I knew that if I really couldn't do it, you wouldn't make me."

"You know you can tell me no?" he asked.

"Mhm."

He pulled you close to him then, your head nuzzled into his shirt. "All right, then, baby. That's good. I'm sorry, princess. I've been so unfair to you, haven't I?"

You sighed, shutting your eyes.

"But I know what might help make it better," he murmured, his lips against your hair.

Your heart fluttered. Almost a kiss. Almost a kiss on your head.

Could he...?

"Look at me, little one."

You eagerly yet nervously untucked your head from his and faced him.

He smiled, leaning into you and kissing you.

Instantly, you moaned into his mouth, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Daddy--"

"Lay back. Need your taste," he told you between kisses.

You didn't, though. You stayed sitting upright, feeling his kiss. You embraced each one knowing it could be your last.

"Sh, sh, calm--" he began.

"Harry--"

"I'm right here," he told you. He kissed you again, and you squeezed his shoulders. "Sh, gonna keep kissing you. Don't worry."

You frowned. "Even after ton--"

He chuckled. "Yes, all the time. Lay back," he said, smiling. "Lay back, and I mean it," he followed up solemnly then, making you know he wouldn't refrain from punishing you if that's what you deserved.

You laid back onto your bed and he instantly followed you down, resuming your makeout session. "Daddy, I love your kisses," you mumbled between them. You still couldn't believe what you were experiencing, his lips on yours, so passionate and dare you say, loving. "Mm--"

"Sh, sh," he hushed you, beginning to grope your breasts then and moving to mark your neck. "I like to kiss you just like this," he said as he suckled. It didn't take him long to remove your skirt and throw it off your bed, your bare legs hitching at his waist.

He returned to your face and kissed you once more. "I know someplace," he pecked you again, "you really like my kiss. Hm? Hm, little g--"

"Please just give it to me," you cut him off, making him widen his eyes in surprise.

"Babe--"

"No," you said. "No, we can... Just... Fuck me, Harry. Don't hold back, I want it rough. Just fuck me and kiss me."

He smirked. "Am I that good for you, baby?"

"You know you are," you said quietly. 

He brought his hand to stroke your face. You smiled, basking in his gaze, his touch, his admiration. "You want me to kiss you while we...?" he clarified.

You nodded. "More than anything." He looked at you a second longer before he nodded and kissed you on the forehead, making you hum in contentment and rub his clothed chest. At that noise, he kissed your entire face in random spots while he undid his suit pants, and you were glowing. You couldn't imagine ever growing tired of kissing him.

"Birth control?" he whispered in between kisses as he pulled down his boxers.

You nodded. "Took it at lunch." You always took your pill at lunch now because Harry took you to dinner so often. He usually never asked you if you took it, but you also usually were never intimate like this.

"Are you hard?" you asked, reaching down to feel him and pump him a few times, but he stopped you by grabbing your hand.

"'m fine," he mumbled against your lips, ripping your panties down and pushing into you without warning.

You gasped, your head being pushed further into the pillow beneath it. He laughed under his breath before thrusting into you, again without any preparation.

You cried out along with the consistent creaking of your dormitory bed. Somehow, you didn't think they were made to withstand this kind of sex.

"Said not to hold back," he said. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. His lips still brushed yours.

"Kiss," you cried. 

"What's my name?" Thrust. Thrust. Your hips slowly adjusted to his ruthlessness and began to meet his.

"Daddy, kiss--" He merged your lips then, and though it may have slowed his pace, you didn't mind. In fact, you were thrilled. You couldn't decide where to focus, on your nearly bruised lips or the pulse of pleasure between your legs. He was feeding it all to you each time, your legs flailing at his back, your fingers digging into his shirt.

You hoped to Christ your hall was already out partying. You were moaning maybe louder than you ever had, perhaps muffled by Harry's lips, but still.

This was a sound from deep in your subconscious, the animalistic reaction to indulging in the one secret desire you'd lusted after for almost a year now.

You both were moving together now, in synch and hitting your G spot every once in awhile.

"Daddy--"

"Y/N, baby--"

Your heart skipped a beat. Y/N. 

"Fuck, Y/N," he said.

"Harry, Harry, Harry," you chanted. "Harry, Harry, I'm almost--"

He bit your bottom lip between his teeth. It wasn't too painful, but just enough.

You were gone and he went with you.

He pulled out of you and buried his head in the pillow alongside yours.

Your hand came to caress his curls. "Harry," you said after a minute.

"Hm?"

"Look at me," you said softly. "Please, will you--"

He obliged, meeting your face with his and displaying pensive, sweet eyes. 

You smiled. "Can I..." you asked, shy.

"Hm? Anything you want, baby, after that."

You giggled a bit. "Kiss your face?" you completed your question. "Only like you did to me."

He nodded. "Go ahead."

You beamed, taking his face in your hands and kissing each handsome part of it. You were probably a minute into your diligent work when Harry interrupted you.

"You know," he said, "I'm not your boyfriend."

You quirked your brow at him. "I know," you said. "You're my Daddy."

He smirked at that and you returned to kissing him some more.

Your phone buzzed from your window ledge behind you.

"Who's that?" he asked.

"Dunno," you replied, now simply staring at him.

He grumbled, grabbing the phone from behind you and handing it to you. "There."

You unlocked your phone and gaped.

"I came by your dorm to bring you to the party but you sounded busy" David messaged.

"What?" Harry asked.

You laughed because you didn't know how else to react, and it was funny. You turned the phone around and showed Harry the screen.

"Dick," he muttered. "He's never heard a woman that aroused, let me assure you of--"

You cut him off with a kiss, something you knew you were going to be doing a lot. "Think he heard me call you Daddy?" 

"I think the whole dorm did," he mumbled, moving to suck on your earlobe before you could be embarrassed. "Tell me," he began, "did he think he was going to take you out after arriving so late?"

"I suppose."

"How late was he?"

You checked the time on your phone again, squirming beneath his attentions. "Nearly two hours. And he posted another girl like an hour ago."

"I'll teach him a lesson."

You laughed. "No, you won't. It's stupid anyway, Harry. This is why I spend my time with you."

He faced you and kissed your nose. "You ought to stop saying things like that."

"Things like what?"

"Things that confuse what we are," he said.

You nodded solemnly.

He kissed your cheek. "What do you want to be?" he asked you then, shocking you.

But you couldn't answer truthfully. What were you supposed to do, tell him about your childish fantasies of marrying him à la Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big?

So you thought on it before you realized the perfect reply. "Your favorite girl," you said. He called you it occasionally. It was definitely amongst your favorite of his nicknames, so sentimental in your mind.

He smiled at you, a twinkle in his eye that you especially liked. "You're already there."

[just-a-simpel-narrator]

LOOK WHAT I JUST FOUND ON PINTEREST !

[ivorypiano]

hi assassins mutuals (and any traders that happen to see this), so as some of you may know a couple of months ago my computer broke. because of this i haven't been actively trading for a while, meaning i haven't been checking my bootleg trading emails or mega accounts. apparently at some point one of the accounts i use to store assassins bootlegs went over 20 gb (i literally have no memory of this- i usually triple check to make sure i don't go over the storage limit). because i wasn't checking any of my trading emails, i didn't see the warning emails. because it's been over the limit for over 50 days the only option mega is giving me is upgrade my account or they'll delete everything. i am a minor who doesn't own a credit card, so i have no other choice but to let my files be deleted. i'm trying to rebuild my collection asap, so if anyone has these files it would mean a whole lot if you dmed them to me. (i would be incredibly grateful to get back any of these, but the watermill audio + video and cultural arts playhouse proshot i am very attached to and am prioritizing getting)

[sunnywalnut]

My favorite part is when she swings around a little so her skirt flutters and the smile reaches her eyes and they sparkle so brightly because you KNOW how happy she is.

[rubyredbonnetblue]

aroace culture is headcanoning a character as aspec because of a singular line about the character not being flirty—you can pry my headcanons from my cold, dead hands

[poguelandiarafe]

showered in secrets | drew starkey

pairings - drew starkey x secretgf!reader

warnings - smut, unprotected sex (p in v)

summary - you and drew are in a secret relationship. or at least it’s a secret until drew forgets it is and follows you into the shower, prompting madelyn to interrogate you as to what he was doing.

masterlist

--------

the house is buzzing with excitement, the kind that only comes from the anticipation of a night out with your closest friends. you, along with drew, madison, jonathan and chase have decided to get ready at madelyn's house and have some drinks there before going out.

you're always at her house due to living close by and she always jokes about how you may as well move in from how often you're there, even to the point of having your own drawer full of clothes, shower stuff and a spare toothbrush. it's perfect for an impromptu sleepover.

"mads, can i use your shower please?" you ask, already going to grab your stuff.

"course, you know where it is." she replies, flashing you a smile.

you grab your stuff and a fresh towel and disappear into the bathroom. the sound of the shower running fills the bathroom as you step in, taking a minute to relax in the hot water. you're wrapped in your thoughts, unaware of drew letting himself in and calling out madelyn's name when he's met with a seemingly empty apartment.

----

meanwhile, drew is looking for you, a frown on his face when he sees you're not in the kitchen or living room. his frown deepens when he sees you're also not in madelyn's room while she's doing her hair.

"hey, is y/n here yet? thought she'd have been the first one here. not me." he asks, leaning against the doorframe.

"she was actually," madelyn laughs, curling the last piece of hair, "she's just in the shower."

"oh, thanks." drew smiles, already making a beeline for the bathroom before he has a chance to realise what he's doing.

"drew?" she says, but he's already gone, "she's showering!"

his brows furrow in confusion, wondering why that was an issue, forgetting your relationship was a secret, "yeah, i know!"

stepping into the bathroom, the steam surrounds him and he takes a few seconds to stare at you, not having noticed he's in there.

"you should lock the door you know." he smirks, leaning against the door.

his voice snaps you out of your thoughts and you spin around, eyes widening in realisation that he might've just blown your relationship.

"what are you doing in here?" you hiss.

his smirk falters once the realisation seems to register and you watch as his eye widen, mouth opening to say something but nothing comes out.

"oh my god, drew." you groan, a sigh leaving your lips.

"shit." he chuckles awkwardly, "i asked madelyn where you were and she told me you were showering and well, i've never really not thought about joining you in the shower and i didn't realise and i'm so sorry i-"

"come here, stop rambling." you cut him off, reaching a hand out with a soft smile on your face.

stepping towards you, he grabs your hand and places a gentle kiss on your knuckles. your heart melts at the way he's looking at you and you can't help but lean forward and cup his jaw to bring him into a soft kiss.

"are you mad at me?" drew asks.

"no, but you have to sometimes think before following me into the shower."

his smirk returns and there's a playful glint in his eye, "i do think about it. that's why i always end up in the shower with you."

you roll your eyes but don't stop the giggle escaping your lips, "you're impossible."

drew hums in response before letting go of your hand and pulling his shirt over his head wanting to join you. you go to tell him it's a bad idea but he's already kicking away his trousers and boxers and stepping in, his tall frame towering over you.

"you know, i don't think mads would appreciate if we fucked in her shower." you mumble, but a smile tugs at your lips regardless, arms wrapping around his neck.

"hey, i said nothing about fucking," he leans closer, arms sliding around your waist, and whispers, "but i reckon we have at least a bit of time before she gets too suspicious, don't you?"

you scoff, shaking your head from his boldness, "you're a bad influence, drew."

"yet you still love me." he mumbles, starting to kiss your shoulder, trailing up to your neck.

"course i do," you reply with a genuine smile, "always going to."

drew smiles against your skin and playfully bites at your neck, teasing you. you're so close to giving in, enjoying the feeling of his lips on your skin and large hands gripping your hips to keep you in place. glancing at the door, you bite your lip, contemplating, knowing your friends might be just down the hall by now.

"fuck it."

pulling his face from your neck, you stand on your tiptoes and capture his lips in a heavy kiss. he reacts instantly, walking you a few steps backward until your back is pressed against the cool tiled wall. the kiss is intense, messy, desperate, making you forget all about the fact your friends are probably wondering where you two are.

he pulls back, breathless, "gotta be quick."

rolling your eyes, you tease, "wow, romantic."

"shut up." he murmurs, but there's no malice in his words, "don't have time for foreplay baby, you gonna be okay?"

"mhmm, i'll be fine."

drew's arms encircle your waist again and lift you up, letting your legs wrap around him. your fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck and you look down in between your bodies, watching as he strokes himself a few times.

"ready?" he asks, noticing the way your breath hitches when he positions himself at your entrance.

"yeah."

he pushes forward, both of you letting out a low groan at the feeling. the stretch is teetering on the edge between pain and pleasure, your jaw dropping in a silent moan. slowly, he continues to fill you until he's bottomed out, patiently waiting for you to tell him to move.

"shit," he moans when your pussy clenches around his length, "feel so good baby, so tight."

"move." you breathe out, head lolling forward to rest on his shoulder.

the sound of skin slapping soon fills the small bathroom and you can't help but bite down on drew's shoulder to silence the moans threatening to escape.

"look at me," he demands, forcing you to lift your head and look at him, "you okay?"

"harder," you beg, pulling slightly at his hair, "please."

immediately, he complies, thrusting deeper and harder than before. you don't even realise how loud you're being until drew's lips are back on yours in an attempt to silence you.

you throw your head back when a particularly harsh thrust hits your g-spot perfectly and drew takes the opportunity to slide a hand down to rub circles on your clit.

"c-close." you whine, squirming in his arms due to your high quickly approaching.

as much as he loves to hear every moan and noise he can draw out of you, there's not a chance your relationship has the chance to stay a secret if he doesn't cover your mouth when you cum. so, he tells you to take over rubbing your clit and his hand covers your mouth instead, knowing any second now your high would hit you.

"cum for me y/n." he encourages, "come on pretty girl."

seconds later, your back is arching off the wall into his chest as your orgasm rips through you. his hips stutter, the feeling of your pussy clenching around him triggering his own orgasm.

"fuck, fuck, fuck." drew moans, his cum shooting into you.

his hand drops from your mouth, uncovering your giddy smile. you don't know how he still has the strength to hold you up, so you press a quick kiss to his lips and let him set you down, though your legs still feel like jelly.

"i love you." he mumbles, hands squeezing your hips as if emphasising his point.

"i love you too. think anyone heard us?" you question, grabbing your shampoo bottle, since you do still need to properly shower.

"probably."

----

ten minutes later, you're standing in front of the mirror staring at a faint hickey that's starting to form on your neck. clearly, your 'no visible marks' rule has gone out the window. you'd kicked drew out before getting on with washing your hair, not needing any more distractions. but now you wished you hadn't purely to get the chance to scold him for leaving a mark.

a voice brings you back to reality, "y/n? you out the shower? i need to pee."

it's madelyn.

"uh, yeah hold on!" you call back, readjusting your top and sorting out your hair, attempting to cover the mark.

when you open the door, she stands there, arms crossed. she's looking over you as if she knows something but can't quite figure out what.

then she spots it. what you thought was a faint mark turns out to be getting darker the more time passes. she decides not to bring it up though, wanting to see what you'll admit to her first.

"thought you needed to pee?"

"not anymore," madelyn replied, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door behind her, "took you ages in the shower, you shaving your legs or something?"

you narrow your eyes at her, trying to figure out if she's being genuine or if she knows something. normally, she's easy to read, but now you don't know.

"just wanted to relax before the chaos hits soon." you gulp when she asks the next question.

"any idea why drew's hair was dry when he got here and it's now wet? or why he seemed to disappear for twenty minutes?"

your stomach flips and you can hear your heartbeat in your ears. pathetic excuses fill your mind, excuses you know she'll never buy in a million years and you don't know what to say.

"what? how would i know? why're you asking me?" you laugh dryly.

"cause i know he had the whole 'greasy bangs' phase but i know drew enough to know he'd never be seen in public wearing this much hair gel and i don't have some luxurious pool he could've been using while i was finishing my hair."

"maybe he just... i don't know, splashed some water on his face or something?" you stammer, avoiding her gaze.

"okay, now i know you're lying. spill, i know something's going on with you two." madelyn smirks.

you sigh in defeat, "fine, but you can not say a word to anyone. i mean it."

her eyes light up and she nods quickly, "i promise. not a word. please tell me!"

you look between the door and her for a few seconds, thinking over the pros and cons, but she's your best friend. you have to tell her.

"i-uh, okay. me and drew are together. and not in a 'friends with benefits' kind of way. like, we're dating, have been for about four months," madelyn's jaw dropped, her hand covering her mouth, "but it's a secret so please don't mention it to anyone later. you're the only one that knows."

"oh my god, i knew it. you're so cute together." she squeals, hugging you.

"keep your voice down!" you whisper-shout but return her hug nonetheless.

"i want details later." she pleads.

"yes boss."

"also, i know you guys totally just had sex in the shower. i don't care, but if you don't want anyone to find out, cover the hickey. the hickey makes it so obvious." she winks at you before leaving the bathroom.

yeah, you definitely need to cover that.

[mickyschumacher]

[PURPLE LACE BRA!]

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: lando's caught a sneaky little peek of his surprise and he just can't seem to keep his hands to himself.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: 18+ (minor dni), breastplay for sure, a brief public moment, teasing, fingering, p in v, unprotected sex (protect yourselves pls), finishing inside, and a dash of poor humour (aka me dissing red bull's reveal) // poorly proof-read since i wrote it before i went to sleep

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: bf!lando norris x fem!reader

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 3k+

𝐀/𝐍: there is a little bashing of the f1 75 live but personally, i'm half and half on it. there was the good and bad 🤷🏽‍♀️ more importantly, this was OBVIOUSLY based on tate mcrae's new song! the new album is so good!! i haven't been excited for an album release in a while so you should definitely go check it out if you haven't already. THIS IS NOT BASED ON THE LYRICS, JUST THE TITLE.

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

Being a race driver, Lando knew exactly what Formula One truly meant: a sport... to entertain. While it’s legacy and history was unforgettable and enriching, it was the guys with the big dollars who controlled it. So Lando wasn’t afraid of a little glitz and glam.  

The F1 75 Live show in The O2 wasn’t bad either. Lando enjoyed that history, culture, and theatrics could come together to reveal some new cars (even if the McLaren looked the same as last year’s). But then the names started to roll in. Celebrities... comedians... chefs... the whole nine yards and all Lando could think of was how many hours of boredom he’d be in.  

Lando didn’t even really want to go. Even if it was contractually obligated for him to do so. In the end, it was you who had convinced him to go. Something about how you had a surprise for him after. Not only was that the sweetest thing he had ever heard but it was also going to be a hundred times better than going to the event.  

Around an hour and a half into the event where Red Bull revealed their car and Lando tried not to laugh at the empty look behind Max’s eyes as he was surrounded by dancers, he turned to and spotted something else far more interesting.  

He was about to direct you to Max’s misery when he spotted a small inch of purple lace peeking underneath the collar of your long coat and blouse. Initially you had covered your body more, complaining about the freezing air immediately as you both got out of the car. Otherwise Lando would’ve spotted it instantly. But the heat of all the lights were more than enough to warm you up.  

Lando pursed his lips, leaning over to your ear. “Please for the love of God tell me you’re not wearing the purple lace bra right now.” 

Your skin burned at his words while a small smile crawled onto your face. Leaning on your hand, you turned to him. “I’m totally not wearing the purple lace bra you brought me on Valentine’s Day. Definitely not,” you feigned your assurance.  

Lando blinked blankly at you, hand reaching over you grab your thigh. God, he wished it was warm enough for you to wear a dress. His fingers were aching to crawl up past the apex of your thighs. But your long trousers under your coat would do just fine. “You’re awful,” he muttered. 

You looked into his eyes, watching them move with struggle as lust clouded those blues. You simply smiled, averting your gaze as Oscar and Lily pointed out the chorus of booing that could just be heard over all the music. “I told you I had a surprise.” 

Lando rolled his eyes. “I thought you meant dinner,” he said, eyes falling to your chest once again. “Not dessert.”  

You swatted him gently in the arm. “Stop looking!” You hissed quietly. “It’s a surprise for later so be a good boy and wait.” 

The silence from Lando was loud. So was his stare. The one that glared at you and screamed “I can’t!” He couldn’t stop looking. He couldn’t wait. And he couldn’t believe you were telling him to wait. 

You had little idea of what was going through his head from just an inch of purple lace. He was imagining it. The purple lace clinging to the curves of your breasts. It was slightly see-through so he could imagine your pebbled nipples teasing him, begging for him to touch them. Lando was sure you were wearing the matching panties and all he could think of was purple lace covering your pussy, darkened and damp because you were soaking for him. 

Fuck.  

Lando cleared his throat, adjusting his legs as he tightened his blazer around him. He tried relaxing into his chair while all those dirty thoughts began crowding his brain.  

You swallowed nervously while his hand tightened around your thigh. “Lando,” you mumbled as an attempt to warn him. It was pathetic but you didn’t think he’d do anything. Not with these many cameras on you. Not when one singular individual in the crowd could just be recording you.  

Fine. Lando was going to wait. But hell, if he was going to make you suffer along with him.  

Even though you were wearing long trousers, allowing your thighs to be covered, Lando could still feel the heat of your skin as his fingers trailed up the inside of your thigh. He could hear your breath hitch upon reaching your clothed pussy. The resounding heat only made him suck in a sharp breath and wish he was in your bedroom right now.  

Lando’s teeth dug into his bottom lip while his fingers slowly rubbed you from the outside of your cunt. His restrain was beginning to fall away as your thighs tightened around his fingers and your hands fell on top of his, asking for him to stop in case anyone was watching.  

But he could tell. You were in the same plane as he was. Your pupils were dazed, lips redder from you biting them, and your hips moved with attempts to get more friction.  

Now you knew how he felt.  

The waiting had become painful for the both of you. It seemed like time was just dragging on. Like looking back at a clock to find out only a minute had passed. Even as Lando joined Oscar to leave during Ferrari’s reveal to get ready for McLaren’s, he couldn’t help but wish time could just speed up. There was nothing worse than trying to hide how turned on he was in front of the world.  

Your body felt warm as Lando’s eyes raked over you despite responding to all the comments and questions of the host. You could see it even from afar. It was silent yet loud enough to make your world tremble.  

He was going to make you regret this.  

The ending of F1 75 was a blur. You were talking to Lily and some of McLaren’s staff one minute and the next Lando was dragging you out of The O2.  

You spotted Lando’s 765 LT Spider easily with its blue shining under the nearby lampposts. Lando opened the door, eyes carefully watching you as he waited for you to hop in.  

You fiddled with the belt of your coat, stuffing your hands in its pockets. “What are people going to say now that you’ve literally dragged me out?” You mumbled, giving him a small and playful glare.  

Lando tilted his head, leaning on the open door. His eyes scanned your figure, taking in a sharp breath. “That I want to fuck you senselessly until all you can scream is my name.” 

You blinked at the utter seriousness in his voice. Knowing better, you quietly took a seat in his car, watching him close the door, satisfised with your response.  

Lando shut his door, putting on his seatbelt before he started the engine of his car and before you knew it, you were off in the streets of London. It was the middle of the night. The traffic was close to none. But Lando drove like he had somewhere to be.  

You could hear Lando sigh as the car came to a stop at the blaring red light. He turned his head slightly towards you. “I feel like I’ve been edged,” he muttered almost bitterly.  

You couldn’t help but laugh softly making him smile quietly. “I am so sorry, babe,” you murmured, patting his thigh a bit too closely for his liking.  

Lando groaned, adjusting himself in his seat yet again. “Just you wait,” he sighed, foot pressing down hard on the accelerator as soon as the green light flickered on.  

The window of the Spider had come down, introducing the cold night breeze to your body. Your stomach churned with little nervousness and a lot of excitement. With every turn, the roads were becoming familiar to the route home. The tree you always take a picture of, the flickering streetlight that no one ever fixes, and the gates of your house... each one increased your nerves.  

You blinked as Lando opened your door, jutting out his hand. “Penny for your thoughts?” He asked, clasping your hand while you stepped out of the car.  

You narrowed your eyes, a smile playing on your lips. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” You retorted, walking past him to punch in the code for your gates.  

Lando grinned, following you. “I think I already do,” he teased.  

Rolling your eyes, you opened the doors of your house, turning to place your keys on the nearby counter. You shrugged of your coat, placing it on the hook next to your door, removing your shoes shortly after. Coyly, you stretched your arms and yawned. “What a day. Think it’s time to hit the hay,” you said.  

“Oh no you don’t.” Lando grasped your hand, pulling your body to face him.  

You gulped, feeling Lando’s fingers whisper over your jaw and down your neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps. His fingers rubbed the soft skin of your neck, feeling the thrum of your pulse before inching towards the small square of purple under your black blouse.  

“Been waiting for this all night, sweetheart,” Lando murmured, blue eyes holding yours as he slowly undid each button of your blouse, revealing even more purple lace clinging to your skin.  

Lando was going to lose his mind. The purple lace bra was everything he imagined and more. He knew he was the one who chose it but fuck, it fit you perfectly. It held your breasts like they were tailored for you. Like they were doing you justice instead.  

And he could see it. The way your nipples sat perked up behind the purple fabric, only visible enough to tease him–invite him. 

“Oh baby,” he moaned, one hand travelling to your waist while the other skimmed past your skin and trailed over your breasts.  

Your heart slammed as Lando’s hot breath fell over your chest. Your body shuddered while Lando pressed his lips against the valley of your breasts. “So fucking beautiful,” he murmured, fingers tightening around the buttons of your blouse to push your chest further into his face.  

“All because of you,” you responded softly, head lolling back while Lando kissed up your neck.  

A loose grin lingered on Lando’s face. “All for me, hmm?” He hummed, tucking your hair behind your ears. “I was dreaming about this on stage, baby.”  

You jutted out your bottom lip. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”  

Lando laughed softly, fingers trailing your lips. “Consider me surprised,” he murmured before bringing his lips to yours.  

You immediately responded, hands flying towards his jaw while you intensely kissed him back. One would think you had been parched for you consumed him as though his lips were made of water.  

Your stomach churned with a familiar pleasure while Lando took off your blouse, pulling the edges out of your trousers, leaving you half-naked. His touch across your bare skin felt cold as your body burned with need. Your moan was muffled against his lips, his fingers rubbing circles into your skin.  

You could feel Lando walk you towards your bedroom, barely giving you room to leave you without any kisses. You grinned, feeling the softness of your duvet morph around your body while he undid your trousers.  

“Oh fuck,” Lando whispered, blue eyes falling on your purple lace panties. And once again, he could see it. The dark and dampened purple patch against your pussy, clinging to each fold. You were indeed soaking.  

“Baby,” he sighed out, firm hands trailing down your body. “You are gorgeous,” he praised. 

You smiled softly, a shy flush of heat wavering over your face. “You too, handsome boy,” you complimented, pressing your lips on his cheek.  

Lando smiled in return, quickly taking off his blazer and dress shirt followed by his pants.  

You laughed as he struggled to remove his socks and underwear. Rolling his eyes, Lando fell to the bed, his body hovering over yours. He relished your sudden silence and the small hitch in your breath while his hand trailed over you once again, coming at a halt to your panties.  

His thumb pressed into your lace-covered folds, right below your clit. You whined softly, hips naturally bucking up for more. Lando chuckled. “You feel so warm, baby,” he started, thumb rubbing circles into your pussy. “Tell me... were you this wet at table?” 

You whimpered, your head pushing further into your duvet. You could feel Lando press further into your folds. “Yes,” you gasped out. 

Lando hummed in satisfaction, brushing your clit gently. He watched as you shivered under his touch. God, you were making him ache. His cock stood straight against his taut stomach, veiny and hard, waiting for your touch.  

“Lando, please,” you whined, hand shooting out to touch his, hoping he could hear and feel your desperation.  

“Please what? I don’t know if you deserve something after tonight,” he teased, bending his head down to trail his lips over your torso.  

You sighed; eyes fluttering shut momentarily. “Please, baby. It was supposed to be a surprise. I didn’t mean to,” you breathed out shakily as his fingers slowly ghosted over your core. 

“I know,” Lando murmured, finally hovering over your drenched cunt. He watched your body tense as he pushed your panties to the side with his index finger, introducing a rush of cold air to your core.  

Lando sucked in a sharp breath. He wasn’t sure he could hold out any longer. You were just so sensitive after being teased for so long. Every little thing was making you squirm and ache. His kisses, his touch, the air... and your folds, fuck, they looked so swollen, begging him to just– 

“Fuck!” You yelped, feeling Lando’s fingers plunge into your pussy.  

Lando let out a groan, watching you take his fingers entirely while he thrusted them back and forth, letting the trickles of your body run down his knuckles. “That feel good, baby?” He queried, curling his fingers. 

Your moans were loud and full of air. Your body was jerking and convulsing at Lando’s movements. “Yes, holy shit, yes,” you mewled, eyes shutting as the pleasure began to build up.  

Lando was entranced. The way you were losing yourself on his fingers while you were still dressed in the damn purple lace. Fuck... he needed you. 

You cried out as Lando’s fingers disappeared as though a part of you had gone missing. You could hear him mumble. “I know, baby, I know,” he said, aligning his body with yours, your legs on either side of him. “I just need to feel you,” he whispered against your body.  

Your chest heaved while Lando kept your panties to the side, his cock sliding against your wet folds. “Oh my God,” he groaned, brows mending at the pure pleasure running through his body. Your sensitivity was enough to make him push through your folds repeatedly, rubbing on your stimulated clit. 

The involuntarily jerks of your body upon the feeling of his cock only turned Lando on more. It was like he was watching your body defy you and he could watch it over and over again. But he couldn’t wait any longer. He was in pain.  

Lando’s hand moved your chin, forcing you to look at him while he slowly pushed his cock into your folds. He wanted to memorise what you looked like. He always did. But this moment. With you in this purple lace. Every whimper and quiver. Fuck, he wanted to imprint that in his skin.  

“Lando, please,” you moaned, “I need more.” 

Who was Lando truly to deny what you want? 

Lando pushed his lips further into you, his other hand drawn to your waist to hold you tight against him. Your folds were warm, clenching on to him like a vice. Even after all this time, it was like you had drugged him. All he ever wanted for the rest of his life was you. Like this. Like you were when you woke up. Like you were at the races. However you were, he wanted you forever.  

Your fingers wrapped his dishevelled brown curls around them, giving his locks a slight tug that coursed down his body. “Fuck, Lando,” you groaned, grinding your hips harshly against his, wanting any extra bit of euphoria this moment could allow.  

There was no silence anymore. It was filled with the sound of your sticky skin slapping against one another as Lando’s cock drove into you at a faster pace. Your breathless pants were mixed with his groans, creating a new rhythm all together.  

Lando could feel your body begin to shake while he peppered your shoulders with sloppy kisses. He could hear it. His name. Your mantra. Repeated over and over as you warned him. “That’s it, baby. Scream my name. Scream my name and cum for me,” he encouraged. 

The coil in your stomach was tightening while Lando thrusted even hard, knocking any sense or rationality you had out the window. You were going numb. The world was going dark and yet bright at the same time. 

You gasped as Lando’s thumb circled your clit, the extra waves of pleasure hitting your directly. “Fuck, Lando! Lando, Lando, Lando!” You cried out while your body tightened. Your core throbbed and your hips shook with a high you never wanted to come down from.  

Lando’s moans were close to becoming whimpers. Fuck, you were driving him crazy, clenching around him like there was no tomorrow. His stomach was churning, bubbling and waiting to combust.  

“Shit,” he cursed, arms wrapping around your waist to hold you tight against him. You could hear your name too. Another mantra. A spell being cast as his hips stuttered, cock throbbing inside of you as strings of his hot cum spilled inside of you, filling you right to the brim.  

“Fucking hell,” Lando sighed out, slowly pulling out, mindful of how sensitive the both of you were. He watched silently as his cum spilled out of your pussy, imprinting it to his memory yet again.  

You breathed out slowly, feeling Lando fall into your arms gently, holding you close to him. You pressed your lips on his chest. “So the purple lace bra... ten out of ten?” 

Lando grinned against your skin, giving you a quick kiss on your forehead. “Definitely would do it again.” 

© 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐘𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑 

[httpsserene]

𝐦𝐚𝐦𝐚 𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐚 - 𝐥𝐧. 𝟒 (& 𝐨𝐩. 𝟖𝟏)

summary: you and lando are blessed with a beautiful baby boy. content warning: fluff, humor, slightly suggestive at times, and mainly crack/shitpost energy. reader owns & works in her bakery in monaco. images used are not mine. pairing: lando norris x fem!black!reader (& platonic oscar piastri) genre: smau & written fic combination (it's a longgg one)

author's notes: y'all i'm warning you i took it too far this time. it's long aslllll. but it might be the best thing i've ever offered to f1 tumblr in my entire career.

grab a snack, drink, and tuck yourself into a comfortable position xxx

join the taglist | requests & feedback | table of contents ↻

imessage • preseason 2023

That’s how you find yourself outside of the MTC in the mid-morning two days later. You’re mildly…exhausted, after commandeering the kitchen in Lando’s Silverstone flat to make a sickening amount of banana bread to feed all of McLaren. After tipping your Uber to the MTC double what the ride costs (for allowing you to stuff his car with a hundred pounds of your decadent treat and helping you unload them into the lobby), you’re greeted with warm welcomes and hungry eyes from the staff. Eager to eat, they’re quick to find you a couple of carts to help you move all the banana bread to the communal area. You’re walking backward to make sure none of your sliced loaves fall, smiling with all the workers as they follow you through the building. Setting up shop, you hand out your sliced banana bread, chatting and catching up with everyone as they sing praises over your sweet treat. Word travels around the MTC quickly when it comes to you bringing baked goods and it comes as no surprise to you when you see a perplexed and overwhelmed Oscar Piastri join the line. You’re bursting with excitement and anticipation by the time he’s picking up his slice.

“Thank you for the banana bread,” Oscar expresses softly, his smile boxy.

“Oh, of course,” you dismiss his gratitude lightly, struggling to keep your cuteness aggression at bay, “I’ve been doing this for the factory since Lando joined–and I figured it would be a good welcoming gift for you!”

“Wait–are you Lando’s girlfriend?” Oscar chokes on his bite of bread.

You rush forward to pat his back, ordering for someone to get him a glass of water; you would hate to be responsible for the death of Mclaren’s rookie driver. When his airways are cleared, you exchange proper greetings and you are quick to make sure Lando has been treating him well. 

“Honestly, I should’ve known it was you” Oscar chuckles, “Lando cannot stop talking about you. Zak had to establish a rule that only allowed him to mention you two times an hour.”

“That must have been rough for him,” you snort dryly, “the rule was five times an hour last year. Anyways, Oscar–who do you main on Mario Kart? This could make or break our friendship.”

You find yourself enamored with Oscar as the conversation goes on. He stands and keeps you company as you continue to hand out banana bread. It’s mostly you doing the talking; Oscar’s quiet, a man of few words but he listens well. He has a sarcastic sense of humor that is similar to Lando’s yet completely different: Lando’s jokes are loud, Oscar’s are hushed. He’s humble, shy even, flustering when you lightly tease him. You’re well past having Oscar as your friend—you’re convinced that he’s achieved little brother or son status.

“Banana Bread!” Zak shouts as he walks up to the two of you, Lando at his side, “Please tell me this is your homemade version?”

“I would never settle for store-bought banana bread,” you gasp dramatically, “It’s homemade as always, Zak. This time I did my grandmother’s recipe instead of my own.”

The CEO practically jumps with glee and rushes to grab a couple of slices–he’s only had this version of the dessert once, and swore it changed his life. Lando walks to you, pressing a kiss to your temple before nodding at Oscar.

“What do you think, love, “Lando hums to you softly, “Did he pass the test?”

You blink up at him and whisper, “I invited him over for dinner tonight—do you think we can use one of the printers here to print out adoption forms?”

bahrain • 2023

After qualifying, it felt like you and Zak were the only people in the garage who remained optimistic for race day. Lando was less than pleased with placing 11th; he parroted words of positivity and hope for improvement but in the privacy of your hotel room he crumbled. He buried his face in your neck muffling just how low his expectations for this season are. You tried to convince him it was too early in the season—the first race weekend—to make that decision but, he was too in his feelings to see reason. 

Oscar was disappointed in himself for placing 18th. When he took off his helmet after returning to the garage, you could see the doubt in his skills lingering through his eyes. You pulled him to sit with you as you continued to wait for the second session to begin and gently reassured him that this wasn’t an accurate representation of his skills; Formula One is a massive change from Formula Two. Oscar nodded at your reassurance but you could tell he was still freshly in shock at his “terrible” performance so your logical advice wasn’t believed. 

On race day, however, you found your positivity dip as well. Oscar DNF’d on lap 13 and rage filled the spot that optimism used to inhabit. The Australian was handling his retirement better than you were; he brushed off everybody’s apologies and went straight to reviewing his data and watching Lando’s race—you, however, wanted to snap at any of his mechanics that walked by. It wasn’t like Lando’s race was any better if you could call what he was doing a race. Slow pit stops, six pit stops at that, the fast lap gamble failure, finishing last, and being two laps down from the race leader…Zak took one glance at you and quickly made himself scarce.

You rode back with both of the boys to the hotel and nearly cried for them with how down the mood was. On the walk to your rooms, Oscar attempted to exchange goodbyes with you and Lando before you cut him off.

“Uh-uh, nope,” you shook your head, “I pre-ordered dinner for us. Come eat?”

Oscar stuttered, “O-oh? I don’t want to intrude–”

“Oscar Jack Piastri,” both he and Lando winced at the sound of his full name, “I’m not going to let either one of you go to bed on an empty stomach. You’re going to eat dinner with me and Lan and you’re going to drink several glasses of water so I can make sure you’re properly rehydrated. Understood?”

“I would love to have dinner with you guys,” Oscar blinked at you in fear, “Also, how do you know my middle name?”

You laughed as you unlocked the door, holding it open for both of the boys as you walked in, “I had a wonderful conversation with your mother, of course.”

“When did you meet my mom?!”

australia • 2023

You were on the edge of losing your voice as you screamed and cheered with Nicole Piastri and Adam Norris for both of the McLaren boys and their double points finishes. The two drivers finishing in the midfield felt like the team had figured something out for Oscar’s home race (if you ignored how almost half of the drivers retired their cars). The Piastri’s invited everyone to a local restaurant to celebrate Oscar’s first points in Formula One, but before you and Lando headed out, the two of you nearly lost your minds.

The two of you forced him to pose with his car and take several pictures with it, strongly suggesting that he smiles big and wide for the camera. Fernando and Lewis walked by and burst into laughter, claiming that you and Lando were treating Oscar like a child. So, obviously, the two of you committed to the bit. You guys cooed and called Oscar’s name, clapping and jumping to pretend like he was a toddler whose attention needed to be grabbed to have him look at the camera. The rookie cringed in embarrassment, cheeks burning red as he tried to convince you guys to stop making a fuss over him.

Lando gasped, sickened at Oscar’s words, “Oscar! How could you say such a thing to your mother and me? We only want to celebrate our boy!”

You nodded furiously in agreement, nearly breaking character at the dumbfounded look that rose to the Australian’s face.

“What the fuck,” Oscar blurted out, yet he continued to smile for your camera.

“Oh my god!” You said appalled, “Lando did you teach our son that foul language?! I told you not to curse in front of the baby!”

instagram • bakewithyn • april 6th • melbourne ⚑

liked by, oscarpiastri, landonorris, mclaren, markwebber, and 413,257 others

bakewithyn: happy birthday oscar 🥳 there’s no birthday gift like scoring your FIRST EVER POINTS in f1 at your HOME race but !!! i’m super happyyy you enjoyed the 🐨 cookies i made for you (lando helped ig 😐) 🤗🤗🤗

tagged oscarpiastri

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📌 yninstagram ps! these are limited edition cookies at my bakery for oscar piastri day!!! first come first serve until sell out! all proceeds go to the australian koala foundation as it was oscar’s personal request 😇

➥ user charitable king shit fr 👑

➥ user FUCK i wish i was rich enough to visit/live in monaco

➥ user don't worry, they're nearly sold out already and the bakery opened three hours ago !!!!

nicolepiastri these were so tasty! i wish i had your baking skills

➥ yninstagram tysm mama piastri !!! i'm blushing

➥ user mama piastri???? im crying

user the koala photo with the bow 😩

➥user what r u talking about?? i only see a picture of oscar with a bow?

➥ user fr i only see oscar 😵‍💫

user "lando helped ig" what did he do? look pretty the entire time you baked LMAO

➥ landonorris actually i was allowed to put the ingredients in the bowls AND preheat the oven too 😤

➥ landonorris and i always look pretty wtf

➥ user omg...yn gave him the toddler tasks 💀💀💀

oscarpiastri the cookies were so good! they nearly tasted better than my first points felt

➥ yninstagram omg high praise from the man himself 🤯

➥ oscarpiastri had to fight my sisters to make sure they didn't only leave me with crumbs

➥ user oh i understand that eldest sibling battle

➥ user my little sisters bite i think they have rabies

➥ user oh what a shame. euthanasia is an option 🤗

miami • 2023

The energy after Miami was rightfully terrible. The car is shit; Lando lost a position from where he qualified to make him P17 and Oscar maintained his P19. It’s hot, and humid, and everyone in the garage is miserable. McLaren is a family. When the boys don’t do good, everybody understands and feels their pain. Nobody likes seeing the boys with frowns on their lips and sadness in their eyes, but it’s becoming a usual appearance during this season. So to turn those frowns upside down, you went on a hunt for some cold treats. You got Lando a frozen lemonade and Oscar an ice cream sandwich—it’s a safe choice, you hadn’t necessarily thought about asking him what kind of ice cream he prefers. 

You found Oscar staring at the wall, eyes focused forward but his mind somewhere else. You tapped him gently on the shoulder, offering him a small smile when he looked at you. He tried to offer you a smile of his own but couldn’t manage to hold it for more than a couple seconds. You presented the ice cream sandwich to him and he looked at you in surprise, as if he couldn’t believe you would give it to him.

“F-for,” his voice cracks awkwardly, “For me?”

You hummed, ruffling his hair and taking a seat on the couch next to him, “No, for the King of England. Yes–for you Oscar.”

He thanked you shyly and quickly began to unwrap the packaging, munching away happily. You took a second to text Lando your location and inform him of the frozen lemonade waiting for him, and when you turned to look back at Oscar—the kid was a mess. He wasn’t even a quarter of the way through the dessert sandwich and you’re convinced he managed to spill more of it than he ingested. The ice cream was painted across the lower half of his face and dripping down his hands–you caught a drop of it with a napkin before it fell and stained his shirt.

“Jesus, Oscar!” you scolded him, “I look away for two seconds and you make a mess!”

Oscar shrugged at you, feigning innocence, but you saw the staple redness of embarrassment begin to tint his chubby cheeks. You snapped your fingers in remembrance before you moved to rifle through your purse, Oscar staring at you with wide eyes as he continued to snack away. You exclaimed in delight, showing off a pair of wet wipes you remembered to bring with you. Oscar accepted the offered wipes and you watched carefully to make sure he removed all the smudges of ice cream from his hands and face.

“Hi, lovely girl,” Lando approached you, throwing himself onto the sofa next to you. He gave you a soft kiss on the lips and temple before grabbing his now lemonade slushy and taking a look at Oscar.

“Woah, mate,” Lando teased, “Did you lose in a fight against the ice cream sandwich?”

Oscar rolled his eyes and ignored Lando as he finished cleaning up. Once he was done, you gathered all of the dirty wipes on the table to be thrown away. You and Lando both watched Oscar as he ate the rest of his snack in fear of another mess occurring—and, then you had a bright idea. Leaning forward, you took a dry napkin and tucked it into the collar of his McLaren polo, creating a makeshift bib. 

“Lando, remind me to get our son ice cream in a cup from now on!”

twitter • may 14th

instagram • landonorris • may 23rd • monte carlo ⚑

liked by, bakewithyn, charlesleclerc, fernandoalonso, and 502,113 others

landonorris: does it still count as a date night if your boy and his best friend are building legos in the next room🤨

tagged bakewithyn, oscarpiastri, logansargeant

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user "your boy" WTF DOES THAT MEAN ‼️‼️‼️

user they're building legos before the race weekend starts 🤧

user has oscar been staying with lando since last week?

➥ user i thought he was just sleeping over for one night 🧐

adamnorris does this make me a grandfather?

➥ user what the hell is happening

➥ landonorris um? surprise haha 😀

bakewithyn it's a great date night! it's comforting knowing ozzy's in the next room over

➥ bakewithyn i have separation anxiety :)

➥ landonorris me too omg this was my best idea ever

➥ user this is like a reverse 13th reason- it's like my 1st reason i'm glad to be alive

➥ user ozzy 🫠

landonorris logan and osc just went silent. chat, should i be worried?

➥ user i'll bet my life savings that one of them has a lego shoved up their nose 😬

➥ user when kids go quiet it's never good !!!!

qatar • 2023

You cried an embarrassing amount of times this weekend. Your son won his first sprint race in his Formula One career, and his father—your boyfriend—was up there on the podium with him to celebrate. It seems like you have to make another special dessert for your bakery to celebrate both of your boys, but you can worry about brainstorming ideas when you stop crying into Andrea Stella’s shoulder in the middle of the pit lane. You’re sure that your face will be posted all over Twitter in a couple of hours.

A part of you wished that Lando had won the sprint race, just as he probably wanted the same thing. But, as both of you made eye contact with each other over Oscar’s head, the Australian rambling endlessly as he hugged his trophy on your hotel room floor, both of you knew that there was no better outcome this weekend than Oscar getting a taste of victory. Lando’s win will come in due time. A P2, P3 finish on Sunday was just the proof everyone needed of McLaren’s improvement and the threat they may pose to Red Bull next year. 

são paulo • 2023

You had the Grand Prix playing on your phone as you did some prep work for the bakery. The race ended and you couldn’t help but feel happy, yet relieved for the race to be over for different reasons. Lando had a wonderful drive today, and Oscar had the opposite; you were just glad it wasn’t a DNF for him.

You had only just begun wiping down the counters when the sound of the post-race show is interrupted by the ringtone you have set for Oscar. You paused quickly, scooping your phone up to answer.

“Hi, Ozzy,” you cooed gently, “How are you feeling? Sorry about your race buddy, that was unfortunate.”

“It happens, I guess. I feel like shit, mostly. Like I let the team down.”

“No way, Oscar! You’re not letting anybody down. Your race result today wasn’t the result of your skills, it was the result of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was a racing incident. If anybody tells you differently, let me know. I’ll rip their vocal cords out.”

Oscar’s laugh crackled through the receiver. “Yes, mum. I’ll let you know. I really want some of your chocolate chip cookies, they’re the perfect bad race remedy.”

“Well, I’m flying out in a few hours to meet you guys in Brazil so I can celebrate Lando’s—sorry, excuse me—your father’s birthday with him. I think there may be some time for me in my schedule to make some cookies with you.”

“Really? We should make some for Lando too! Wait, before you leave, I left his birthday gift—”

“—In our apartment, I remember! I already packed it in my luggage, I wouldn’t forget.”

“You’re the best, seriously.”

“Mhm, I know. Also, we should share some of these cookies with Charles too, his radio message made me cry.”

“Okay, he can have one cookie.”

“Oscar Jack,” you said dryly.

“Yes, sharing is caring or whatever. He can have like...two.”

instagram • bakewithyn • november 13th • las vegas ⚑

liked by, mclaren, landonorris, f1, oscarpiastri and 353,764 others

bakewithyn: happy birthday to lando norris. he's a pretty cool guy, a great dad, and the perfect boyfriend. love you lots, baby, and i'll love you forever xxx

tagged landonorris

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user wait is this a pregnancy announcement 😨

user this is giving engagement reveal

charlesleclerc bro. if i didn't know you guys i would think your caption was serious 😣

➥ bakewithyn get pranked LOL XD

➥ user oh i feel like i just got catfished

➥ user wait so lando didn't propose nor did he put a baby in her 😒

➥ user I WANTED A BABY NORRIS

➥ user oscar exists? he's literally their child

oscarpiastri no fr i thought i was about to learn i had a sibling otw from this post

➥ bakewithyn ozzy we would've told you???

➥ landonorris you literally bought the card for me

➥ oscarpiastri a boy can hope for a younger sibling can he not :(

➥ bakewithyn so close 😚 no you can't! hope that helps xo

➥ landonorris sorry osc, it's your mum's decision 🤷‍♂️

➥ user does this mean lando wants an actual kid

mclaren admin was terrified ngl 😅

➥ mclaren i thought you really posted an engagement and pregnancy reveal without letting me know 😭

➥ landonorris sorry admin, i'll keep you in the loop in the future

➥ user landoyn engagement soon??????

twitter • november 18th • las vegas ⚑

twitter • preseason 2024

miami • 2024

Lando had you pinned to the wall in his driver's room, with his hands tangled in your curls and his mouth devouring yours. Your moans are muffled into his lips as you grind against his thigh. You tried to multitask, struggling to pull his driver’s suit down. Lando lifted you slightly, encouraging you to wrap your legs around his waist and neither of you cared to pull away at the sound of your foot hitting his P1 trophy and knocking it over. One of his hands fell from your hair to grasp at the smooth brown skin of your neck, his palm acting as a warm weighted choker on your throat and you broke away from the kiss to moan. 

“Fuck, Lando—get naked,” you whined desperately, “we don’t have much time for you to tease me right now!”

Lando laughed as he moved to press kisses along your jawline and behind your ear. You felt his lips part on your skin, his breath ghosting over you causing goosebumps to rise, but it’s not his voice you hear.

“Lando, they need us for pictures—OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK,” yelped Oscar, the sound of his hand smacking over his eyes reverberating around the room.

You shrieked in surprise, pushing your boyfriend away from you as you speedily readjusted your clothes. Lando positioned himself in front of you, his back facing you allowing you a little more privacy as he speedily fixed his suit around his waist.

“Learn how to knock, kid,” Lando huffed, no shame found in his words, “You interrupted my winning celebration.”

You screamed in dismay, slapping the back of Lando’s head and Oscar began to stumble out of the room, bumping into the doorframe as he still covered his eyes.

“Yeah, knock in the future, I understand,” Oscar sounds like he’s about to cry, “I feel like I just saw my mum and dad having sex!”

instagram • bakewithyn • may 12th • mama's house ⚑

liked by oscarpiastri, alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris, and 551,012 others

bakewithyn: LOOK AT MY SON 🥺🥺 PRIDE IS NOT THE WORD IM LOOKING FOR 🗣️🗣️🔊🔊 (happy mother's day to all the beautiful mamas x)

tagged oscarpiastri

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oscarpiastri did dad get you anything 🙃

➥ user 👀👀👀

➥ landonorris well i would've if SOMEBODY told me we were celebrating this year 🤬🤬🤬🤬

➥ oscarpiastri i didn't know i *had* to tell you

➥ user wowwwww lando

➥ user shameful honestly 😕

markwebber happy milf day

➥ markwebber *mother's day sorry typo

➥ bakewithyn what the fuck ☠️☠️☠️

➥ user that was not a typo mark

➥ user sir u are not slick LMAO

➥ bakewithyn i mean...oscar wouldn't mind a step dad, his fatther didn't get me anything today :(

➥ landonorris AYO BABY PLEASE 🧎‍♂️

oscarpiastri you know what would be an even better mother's day gift? getting a puppy 🤭

➥ bakewithyn we are not getting a puppy ozzy.

➥ landonorris should've clued me in osc i might've convinced her for you

➥ oscarpiastri :[

monaco • 2024

You’re about to crash THE FUCK out. At first, it was a little half-joke. Oscar’s home race in Australia, his 1/16th home race in China, and his 3/16th home race in Italy. You originally thought his tweet about “searching for his Monegasque roots” was cute, but you didn’t expect Charles Marc Herve Perceval (Demon Spawn) Leclerc to step into your playing field.

Who the hell does he think he is? Offering to adopt your son? And, Oscar is going along with it? And, the Miami Grand Prix account making a “Certificate of Adoption?” You started to like Miami after Lando won there; and now they’ve betrayed you. Every fan jumped on the bandwagon, thinking that this was the most adorable thing to happen. Like Oscar hasn’t been your child the minute he stepped foot into the MTC in Silverstone. Like he didn’t give you a Mother’s Day present? The Monegasques have some nerve; you were close with Charles and Alex but, now they’ve encroached on your and Lando’s territory. You’re committing several murders today. 

You laughed hysterically when Oscar joined Lando and you for lunch, mentioning that Charles and Alex invited him to eat with the rest of the Leclercs at family dinner after qualifying. You agreed to let him but not without making sure Charles and Alex are qualified for the job. Lando also cornered you in the kitchen and persuaded you to allow Oscar to go; swaying you with the idea of a real date night. You never realized just how much time you guys spend with your son. When’s the last time you guys had a break from being “mum and dad?" It was an appealing offer, but you were serious about clarifying expectations to the thieving couple.

twitter • may 25th • monaco

instagram • bakewithyn • may 25th • date night ⚑

liked by charlesleclerc, landonorris, nicolepiastri and 236,978 others

bakewithyn: a little night off from parenting was needed x

tagged landonorris

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user okay mamiiiii

user all parents deserve to relax !!!

oscarpiastri do you even miss me ☹️

➥ user damn he goin through it

➥ charlesleclerc i literally just got him to smile and now he's crying again 😒

➥ landonorris your mum and i love you lots osc

➥ oscarpiastri :]

alexandrasaintmleux take full advantage of having no children in the house 😈😈😈

➥ charlesleclerc leo will keep him distracted for as longggg as possible 😏

➥ user lando only needs about three minutes 🥱

➥ user wow that's a really long time fr

oscarpiastri mama y papa

➥ user mama y papa

➥ user mama y papa

➥ user mama y papa

instagram • landonorris • june 16th • daddy's home ⚑

liked by oscarpiastri, angryginge, bakewithyn and 436,812 others

landonorris: father's day done right. my child and his mother made a cake for me, family photo slide two, and my son slide three. what more can a man want.

tagged bakewithyn and oscarpiastri

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user this man never misses a chance to call himself daddy

user too fucking funny 🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️

bakewithyn happy father's day, daddy xxx

➥ user OHMYGOD 😖🤢🤮

➥ user on my internet⁉️⁉️⁉️

➥ landonorris even happier now x

user this new wave of parents concerns me...

oscarpiastri the cake was good wasn't it???

➥ landonorris it was perfect, seriously

➥ oscarpiastri i know you both said there's no way we'd get a puppy but hear me out i've thought of something better

➥ oscarpiastri working on giving me a younger sibling :]

➥ user YES BABY NORRIS ‼️‼️‼️

➥ landonorris @/bakewithyn ?

➥ bakewithyn ask me again in a couple of years

© httpsserene2024

[matt-is-me]

Mind Trick

cw:hypnosis,arousal

You and your friend are sitting on their couch, watching TV and unwinding after a very tiring day. You've both had a ton of work to worry about, and they think the best remedy for that exhaustion is to destress on the couch for a bit, then try out the trigger they gave you the previous day.

It was a Jedi Mind Trick suggestion, one that makes you mindlessly agree with them any time they wave their hand front of your face. You thought it was a very nerdy thing to use during a hypnosis session, but you'd be lying if you said you weren't curious of its effects.

You wanted to chill out for a bit, but there had to be a better way to do that. The TV was very boring. It was that dumb cooking show your friend always watches. You couldn't stand it, it was like watching paint dry.

"Can you please change the channel? You know how much I hate this show" , you asked, in a tired, grumpy tone.

They waved their hand.

"But you love this show, hun, you always have!"

Your previous opinion began to fade from your head, swiped away by the hand authoritavely swaying in front of you.

That.. that was true. It had always been that way. What were you complaining about? You loved to watch cooking shows! They offered a very relaxing, and informative experience, and suddenly it became impossible to take your eyes off the screen.

You continued watching with your friend for a while, excited with your newfound knowledge of how to prepare Steak au Poivre. It wasn't until both of you spent a little time relaxing your muscles that they suggested doing something else.

"Hm, I've chilled out enough. I'm in the mood for something.. diferent. Are you horny, dear?" They looked at you as they quizzed you on your arousal.

On one hand, you were a bit aroused, and it was the perfect way to destress. But on the other, you were pretty tired, and it was much easier to sit and watch the show. You needed a push, if your friend wanted this very lazy evening to end differently.

They waved their hand.

"You're incredibly aroused"

This time, you repeated their words, doing so without resistance. "I'm incredibly aroused" , you replied, the mindless tone of your voice quickly erasing your previous opinions.

That.. that was true. It had always been like that. Your tired expression morphed from sleepy to unfathomably horny. The thoughts that occupied your mind changed, from ones of curling up on the couch to sexual fantasies of your tist. Your mind grew aroused.

You began to absent-mindedly touch yourself. Nothing major, of course, but just enough to keep yourself worked up. Your friend watched your sudden shift in personality, content with how easy it was to make you agree with them.

They waved their hand.

"Your mind is extremely fuzzy"

"My mmind... fuzzy...", you replied, not even a tiny ammount of hesitation in your voice.

That was true. Your mind could barely keep a coherent thought inside your head. You began to drool your thoughts away as you touched yourself, the only noises escaping your mouth being giggles and moans. You were too dizzy to care about not being understood.

They waved their hand.

"You are really needy. You need me to tell you what to do. What to think."

"N..needyyy....", your voice trailed off, unable to repeat anymore.

That was true. You got closer to them, still touching yourself as you looked into their eyes. Your moans turned into a chorus of needy words, your mind looping the same fantasies of being blanked by your dear pal. You were begging. You had to beg.

"Pleaseee uusee meee,, nneed uu to tell me whhat ddoo.. wahhat too thinkk.. pleasepleasepleasepleaseepleasee"

"Aww, good toy!", your tist responded, a smile forming on their face as they watched your pretty head break from the pleasure.

They waved their hand.

"You're blank."

That was true. You were blank. Your mind suddenly stopped, no longer thinking anything. You froze in place, awaiting commands. You needed to be told what to do. What to think. And your tist had some great ideas~

"I am blank.", you mindlessly replied.

And just like that, with a few waves of a hand, you were gone.

[keen-li]

Merry!Ex-mas.

18+ MDNI

22.k words synopsis: you get a notification about plane tickets you purchased about a trip you were excited for, only reason you're not excited at the remainder, is because you had planned the trip with your now ex. At the time you never thought you'd be spending December broken up. So, it felt like a great idea. not so much now. ex!jk x ex!femreader (fem anatomy.) exes to lovers use of 'yn' warnings: angst, fluff, smut: long-distance relationship, exes, second chance, miscommunication, b*tches is awkward, tension, one bed, forced proximity, Jungkook isn't crazy rich but he's got good money, i think he's an accountant, jk has that short ceo hair cut. reader has communication problem, jungkook's freaking green sweater needs it's own fanfic!, think are!you!sure jungkook. protective!jk, there's a creep who approaches reader as jungkook is off skiing, and whilst she's in the sauna(nothing bad happens.), sweet!wants!to!try!jk, jk has issues of not communicating too. they just can't seem to talk. avoiding stuff. teasing. touchy!jk, secret glances. jealousy, reader is very jealous,they're lying to themsleves, jungkook loves to take pictures especially of reader. hot tub jungkook who's looking up at you like you're a goddes. very needy kissing, boob sucking, dirty talking, oral(f!receiving.), handjob, cowgirl, protected!penetration, aftercare. hand kissing. [i don't know what else i need to add, let me know] as per usual, it was edited but if there are any errors, forgive me. A/N: this fic is honestly cause of that Jungkook green sweater I've never travelled to please don't come at me if anything is wrong. I very much world built some things. I've given written from top to bottom so don't except a part 2, unless maybe drabble requests. I wrote this in one week and i'm so proud i was able to write 22k words, in that time. though i was supposed to go up on the 25th[shhhhhh] A/N: i'm still learning how to write smut. so if you think the smut is cringe please don't tell me :) i don't wanna know. unless you want to help me improve it, and you do it kindly, i'd appreciate. likes, reblog, and all positive asks and comments are always appreciated. i hope you're happy with this one. [read under the cut]

You get the notification as you're scrolling through your phone. A remainder of sorts that you had been forgetting something. Cause you had been.

It loomed over you all week. The lingering feeling of remembering what you can’t. You hated it. But now that you know it’s source you couldn’t feel any worse.

Being the recipient of the message, you’re burdened with having to translate the message. Why do you have to do this? Broken up, having to text him feels like opening a can of worms. But the tickets are non-refundable, and it would be unfair for you to not inform him. You did both pay for them, Jungkook of course paying more because he was just too stubborn to split. he'd actually wanted to pay for the full thing but you were at odds with the idea. he settled eventually.

So, it would be unfair to not tell him. Right? Yes. But you don’t want to believe it.

Even if how the hell are you going to remind your ex about the holiday trip you planned thinking you’d be together for; but in turn would celebrate separately. Before the notification of the trip.

To add on, now you have to open your chat. An action you dread to do; for your emotional health.

What are you actually going to say? You think, finger hovering over the keyboard. Something that won’t make you sound like you’ve missed him, were thinking about him or even thinking about going on this trip with him. All which you’ve been doing. You’ve succumb to the thoughts, only because you two broke up in October, still relatively early to just forget a 3-year relationship with someone you thought you’d marry.

Sigh.

You still haven’t answered the question of how you’re even gonna bring it up. Will he even answer?

“shibal” jimin laughs into the speaker, not helping you one bit. “you two are ridiculous.”

You roll your eyes still waiting and hoping he’ll say something sensible. It’s all in vain. “How the hell do you book a trip and break up just before. You couldn’t wait?” He laughs and you just know he’s sat at his computer playing games, from his loud and unfocused speech.

“We didn’t freaking know we’d breakup.” You justify. “Plus, cause of the breakup we forgot. I forgot.” Your voice loses its strength at the end of the sentence, your mind slipping into a deep thought.

You haven’t been able to remember anything of relevance since that day. Maybe only how to breath and live but you’d say your body takes full credit for that.

“Hmm.” is all he says to you before screaming obscenities to someone in his game.

“Jimin are you gonna be of any help or wh-”

“You know what you should do?”

You want to believe his following statement will be of use, but you can never be certain.

“Just send it” he groans from what you assume is an attack on him. Your brow raises. “Send him a screenshot of the notification. If he doesn’t respond go on it on your own.”

“Or take me with you” he whispers. If it came to it, would you even choose jimin to go with? Probably. He’d help make it fun.

You sigh, still in the darkest of analysis. It’s your best option what else could you say. So, you say your goodbye to jimin who is quick to go off to his game, without a second thought. Rude. Talking to him whilst he’s on his game is setting yourself up.

Back to having a staring contest with your phone. And after a long while of panic, thump fidgeting and dry eyes, you click on his contact (yes you still have it.) and just send the screenshot.

As you wait to make sure the picture is sent you catch a glimpse of the last text from your chat. You were avoiding slipping up and seeing it, but your eyes couldn’t be helped.

Jungkook was the last to text.

Kookie<3: I miss you call me back.

Seeing the text makes your stomach churn. Makes your head spin with all the memories and emotions returning. You don’t want to linger on it. You’re quick to just sending the screenshot like jimin said, you only hope he doesn’t ask too many questions. If he does respond. The little thought in your head surfaces. What if he wants nothing to do with you. What if you’re bothering him? You shouldn’t have sent that text. But it’s too late now.

You’re well aware his message was sent before you had broken up. The only reason you hadn’t replied was because you couldn’t. On the same day you’d called him back and told him how you didn’t think you’d be able to do it anymore.

“Mm?” he hums confused. You can hear it in his voice and it only makes you even more nervous to repeat.

“This long-distance thing isn’t working for us jungkook.” You bite you lower lip hoping to hide some of your emotions that threaten to ruin your speech. Your fingers fidget in the silence waiting for his response. But it never comes and for a moment you think he’s cut the call and you’ve been talking to yourself. That’s when he sighs, showing you, he’s been listening but too shocked to speak.

You calling his full name, no nickname, strains at his heart. “Are you serious?” it’s calm, sad even. Of course he’s sad, you’re breaking up with him. Sad isn’t even strong enough to describe what he’s feeling. Shock is just amongst them, maybe even a little anger. You’ve been going through a challenging period because of the difference in cities. But he never thought it’d come to this. Was it that bad?

“Yeah.” It’s weak defeated. You are, your whole relationship is.

Jungkook is awfully silent, he’s not sure why either. “Is there anything I can do?” he’s aware of the only solution available. But it’s not possible. Neither of your work will allow the other to move.

You shake your head like he can see it. but he doesn’t need to see what your silence has already said.

After not much thought cause he’s not able to, he speaks. “Is this what you want?” his question only serves to add to your confusion.

“You know it’s not but- “you try to speak but the lump in your throat chokes you.

It hurts him that this is happening over a call. Wishes he could’ve spoken about it in person, cause there’s more to it.

More that you haven’t spoken about. Never have, and doubt you ever will or want to.

All this just makes the idea of this trip even more worrying. That’s if he’ll want to go or even respond. You never got to know what he thought but you assume he has some sort of resentment for the way you ended things. You would too. That’s one of the things you feel guilty for.

You’ll say the way things ended was not ideal, and honestly it never made you feel good as you thought it would. It made you feel worse actually. But at least now you don’t argue because you don’t talk. Who are you kidding, you miss the arguments, something to remind he was there.

Guilt hovers but, you console yourself by saying that he probably wanted it too if he didn’t try to fight for it. Which is unfair, but what else can you tell yourself as an excuse.

Your focus is now on your screen. You’re about to exit the chat, but then those familiar popups of bubbles appear. Already?

The bubbles disappear and appear, which only serves to grow your anxiety. Is he about to rebuke you for texting him. Gosh, what the hell would you say after that? He’s about to cuss you out. Suddenly your room feels too small to hold you and what you’re feeling.

But what pops up is even more anxiety inducing.

Kookie<3: I’m in town. We should meet and talk tomorrow.

Why does he sound so professional? Why do you care. Oh- your mind, it’s spinning.

He’s in town, when? Why didn’t he tell you. This would be the first time you see him in a year since he moved. And he couldn’t even just tell you he was in town. The reason to him being here is not unknown to you. It’s the Christmas season and his parents do live in the same city as you. And just like you they were not happy about they’re son moving so far away. But nothing was stopping jungkook. Nothing.

You’re probably not important to him anymore but, couldn’t he have just said, hi. I’m in town. How long has he even been here for? You never thought he’d return to the city even for the holidays.

You shake the thoughts out of your head. You can’t be over thinking this.

We?......meet?.....talk?.....TOMORROW!              

Tomorrow couldn’t come any faster (not that you were excited for it.). It’s almost as though it wants you and jungkook to meet.

You both agreed to meet at one of the small restaurants near your place. One you two frequented together, so it holds so much for you. Which only made you more anxious on your way.

When you walked in your eyes unconsciously moved to the table you and jungkook loved to seat at. It was good distance from the kitchen so your food could reach you quicker, and far from others so that jungkook could lean in and say the nastiest thing on earth. It always made you blush even though you’d swat at him. You spot jungkook sat where he usually sat. Coat taken off and hanged on his chair.

 “Hey.” You choke out smiling politely as you reach the table and take off your coat, the inside of the restaurant too warm to be comfortable with it on.

You take a sit and allow your body to get accustomed to the environment. And jungkook.

He’s quick to respond to your greeting just as awkward.

When you’re settled you finally get a chance to see just how much he’s changed in a year. The warm light from the ceiling softens his features which would normally be sharp in the dim lights of your bedroom. His hair is cut short. Last time you saw him it was neck length, but now it’s significantly short. Makes him look professional, mature. You like it, really like it. you wish you could just reach over and touch it, it’d probably be just as soft as you remember it and smell like lavender. You notice how he has it styled and gelled back so you doubt he’d be happy with you running your hands in it.

Jungkook spent an ungodly amount of time trying to get it to look like this, which he doesn’t think is perfect enough, but he was running out of time. Something about this meeting had him wanting to go out. He just hopes you like it. he remembers you last saw it when it was longer. It was a big cut, but after your breakup, he felt like giving up the length, considering your hands loved to live in his hair.

You sit hand in lap waiting for your mouth to catch up with how fast your brain is working. Though if you did speak what your brain was thinking, you’d embarrass yourself.

“We should order first.” He says rolling up the sleeves of his navy-blue denim shirt. The action reminding of the inks on his arm. A detail that adds to how attractive he is already. You’re really hating yourself for your thoughts. In your defence you haven’t seen him in the flesh for a year. “What do you wanna get?” he picks up his menu and you do too, stuttering in your movement. He seems calmer than you right now.

But the only thing is that he’s shitting himself inside. when he was sat before you came, his heart dropped every time he heard the door bells chime. Every time he turned it wasn’t you. Only increasing his nervousness. Maybe he was a little to forward with his message. You haven’t seen each other in a while and it’d probably be overwhelming, especially with a certain elephant in the room. He would’ve definitely understood if you didn’t want to show. On the chime of the door that followed his thoughts, he didn’t turn, only for it to be you. In your full glory, making him fidget with his phone more. Which he put aside immediately you sat down.

Clearing your throat you speak, “something soup-y. Today’s a little cold.” And you don’t feel like throwing up what you eat.

Jungkook agrees and his red nose is evidence of that. Cute, you think.

After your orders are taken you turn back to silence. What could you probably say right now? You can feel the distance between you emotionally. And you hate how this is how you are after not seeing each other for a year. Before breaking up you thought of the many ways, you’d hug him once you got to see him. You were definitely delusional over how serious your distance was. Really wanting to believe it wouldn’t be a problem; until it became one, and you just couldn’t do it anymore.

You don’t know how to behave right now.

“So, when did you get back?” you settle on a soft and casual tone.

“Just yesterday.” He speaks sounding a little hesitant. After not knowing where to look you decide to just look at one thing. The table.

After beats of silence, you continue. Can your food come any faster? “you’re staying with your parents?”

“Yeah.”

You lived together, in your used to be shared apartment before he decided to move. So, his only option was to live with his parents for the mean time. He assumed you wouldn’t want or even let him live with you. And it would be fair, you aren’t together anymore.

“I’m Sure they were shocked to see how much you’ve change.” Cause you are. You haven’t seen his parents in the same time that he hasn’t seen them.

“It was a surprise drop in so I’m sure they were” he says with weak chuckle. He bites into his lip before he’s looking at you again, but you don’t stare at him. It’s only when you realize his stare that you finally face him. “How have you been? You look well.” He’s dreading himself right now for not being able to speak to someone who has been, for 3 years, the only person he could speak to.

You do look good, and he can’t take his mind off it. the camera has not been doing you justice. Your skin looks brighter and you generally are just glowing. Gosh he missed looking at you. The way small dainty jewellery serves to compliment your outfit. Your hair done in a way you like, and he loves.

“I try.” You smile. Every chance you get you take a glace at his lip piercing. You’d forgotten just how it made him even the more--. “You look well too. How’s the job going?”

He sucks in a breath, showing visible stress at the thought of his job. “it’s going okay. Easiest way to put it.” he chuckles, awkwardly. You smile, awkwardly too. “I missed it here though, so much stuff I left behind.”

You just hum, nodding. Avoiding how his eyes glancing over you, just for a second as he was looking for where to keep his gaze whilst speaking.

“But I’m sure you’re having fun that side.” That side. He can hear the strength you put on the words. Instead of fiddling on your lap you decide to fold your arms on your chest. Finding it appropriate for the feelings that are sneaking in.

“You can say that, but there’s just something that feels empty y’know.” You do know, but you both choose to leave the conversation implicit.

And right on time, your food arrives saving you from saying anything. What the heck would you say when you can’t even think.

You two are soon digging into your food. Jungkook in his kimchi jjigae and you in yours.

“I missed this- mmm.” He hums making that little angry face he makes when he likes food. You laugh, a little to loud at that causing him to look up at you. You drop your smile.

“Mrs Kim always asks me about you when I come here.” 6 slices of chopped spring onion garnish you haven’t eaten, yet.

He leans back in his chair, unintentionally watching you eat.

He turns his head towards the kitchen where the lady in question usually spends her time. “Where is she anyways?” he’s back to digging into his food. the steam from the food warming his cold nose.

“she’s visiting sung Hoon in the US.” You inform him, taking in how relaxed you’ve become.

He nods at the info, “Ahh- she finally got to got to the US?” he smiles. He remembers how she would come to the table; she’d complain that her son doesn’t want her to visit, which was not the case. But being the dramatic lady she is, she would think that. “ ’m sure she was so excited.”

“no one could hear the end of it.”

He chuckles and you find yourself laughing too. But as much as you’re seemingly getting comfortable (though not wholly.) silence finds a way to wrap it’s long, cold and slimy finger around you two.

After you’re done eating your meals in silence, jungkook thinks it’s time to discuss the reason you’re even meeting. Cause you have nothing more to talk about.

“what’s the plan for the trip?” he shifts in his seat. “Assuming you’d want to go.” He doubts.

You take a deep breath before speaking, looking over at the whole scene of the restaurant. “I don’t know, we’d leave on Thursday. Assuming you’d want to go too.” You would want to go, that’s why you booked the trip. It’s only your situation that makes it awkward.

“Do you?” his question comes out fast and sudden and he regrets how quick it came out.

“Mm?” you mutter like you couldn’t hear what he said.

He clarifies choosing to speak more calmly and composed. “Do you want to go?”

The question takes you aback as though you hadn’t been asking yourself the same thing.

Reaching to play with the little gem on your necklace you stutter out. “I-I mean- yeah we spent money on it.” you shrug your shoulders as if you’re unconsciously saying otherwise, but really, you’re just trying to keep your statement open. In case he doesn’t want to go, and you’re left embarrassed with an extra ticket.

Jungkook instead takes your action as you probably not wanting to go. “I get it if you don’t. It’s a weird situation.” His hands move to touching his hair.

You trying to jump in but end up speaking a little too fast. “No, I do. Plus, I hate wasting money.” You do hate wasting money, truly. And it is just that and the fact that you would love a trip right now, to de-stress.

“But do you want to go with me?” that churning feeling in your stomach is returning, and you’ve just eaten which makes it all the much better.

Biting down on your lip and releasing it you say, “I mean I wouldn’t want to go on my own.” You hate how you feel your throat choking up. “Who else would I go with?” you awkwardly joke. There are some people you’d go with. But you planned this trip with jungkook and he paid the much for the tickets. So, it’s only fair to go with him. If he wants to.

He skips your question, not in bad taste. it’d be weird for you to go on a trip you planned with him with someone else. Maybe he did think of it, that maybe you’d enjoy it more if you weren’t with him. But then he thought it through. Shit doesn’t have to be awkward unless you both make it. so, you can enjoy this trip if you just agree to enjoy it. “I don’t mind going with you, but I don’t want you to feel forced to have me there.”

“I have no problem with you, jungkook.” You saying his name even though it’s not the pet name he enjoys feels like a warm touch to him. “I just want to know if you wanna go.” You find it in you to ask.

“I don’t mind it at all.” He says, relieving you of your fears.

He sighs. After he silence speaks. “I can’t believe I forgot about it. I was so excited for it too.” he reminiscing on the day. It was such a good idea. Is a good idea, if you just agree to enjoy it.

“So? It’s settled right?“ You sit up grabbing your stuff and preparing to leave. Jungkook’s smile falls realizing that the moment is ending. But he will see you soon still.

“Yeah.” He prepares to leave too.

“We leave Thursday, I guess. We’ll stay in touch.”

And that’s it, your conversation ends with you managing to avoid the larger topic at hand. It’s like a game.

You throw your clothes in haphazardly. You’re in a panic, which is not necessary cause you have enough time, the whole day to be precise. Your flight’s tomorrow. But the whole airport thing has always found a way to make you panic.

You grab some essentials, but in frustration. Maybe you just want to get it over with. The packing, not the trip. Honestly it feels like it’s already started. Is this how you’re going to be.

As you search through your closet you land on a sweater, one you remember too well. It’s green colour and fluffy soft texture makes it the warmest thing you own. A very memorable sweater, for the warmth it brought you and its origin. You can still smell him on it. You dread packing it and resort to shoving it further in your closet. You’ll think about it.

You stare at your zipped up suitcase for a bit before your eyes gloss over to your phone that buzzes on your bed. For a split second you wonder if it’s jungkook. Could he have changed his mind. you sigh relived when you see it’s just jimin.

Who chooses to say nothing of value and just tease you. “Honestly why do I tell him these things.” You throw your phone on your bed.

Jungkook stands over his already packed suitcase. He just has to zip it closed and seal this trip. He sighs rubbing his lower lip. Before you two broke up he had so much planned for this trip. So much he wanted to say and do. But it's different now and it’d be weird and wrong to say those things. Not before talking of course.

Is he looking forward to this trip? Yes-wait- maybe. The trip in itself is fine, a great and good idea and opportunity to enjoy a holiday and relax. But your presence entails something more something he has to deal with (in a responsible and good way) and that he's been running away from.

 "You're excited huh?" his mother smiles leaning against his door frame, watching. He's not sure what about his facial expression, body language or general demeanour would make her think that he's excited. It’s not like he’s dreading or regretting it. it’s more like excitement is the last thing he’s feeling cause of all he’s thinking of.

He doesn't say anything before she's speaking again.

"You need this trip. you've been so busy." He has. Too much at that. So much that he forgot you two had even broken up and was about to go to your place first when he arrived. He’d been so excited to surprise you, then it dawned on him. His tires were quick to turning. His thoughts are cut short by his mother. "it'll help you spend more time with yn."

"I guess." he replies unenthusiastically. Though it’s the same idea they’re both thinking of it in a different context. Something that his mother doesn’t know yet.

He doesn't stare at where she stands only at his suitcase analysing what he's packed and what the heck is actually going on. "Plus, it would be a perfect place to propose." She enthuses, joyous at the thought. He seems to have slightly forgotten about that detail too.

 When you were planning the trip, he made a plan to propose to you on it. It honestly is the perfect place to and he felt like it was the right time. Of course, you'd be arguing but it wasn't something that was holding back your relationship. Plus, he thought you'd talked it out well enough. So, he spent his free time after planning the trip, shopping for rings and looking proposal ideas and even asked some of his colleagues for advice. It’d be a trip where you got to spend some time after being away for so long.

But that's when you called and honestly kicked him in the balls. Too confused he just went along with it.

"Switzerland is such a good choice, you kids are so good at these things." She says probably imaging herself there too.  It’s not long before his eyes are staring at the black velvet box on his dressing table, and his head is spinning all over again. He knows how excited she gets about this and she won’t stop. “You could take a walk and then pull out the Ring with those mountains in the back and-"

"Eomma!" His deep voice stops her, not harshly but whiny. Not telling his parents about the breakup is honestly the most overwhelming thing because of how his mother adores you and finds a way to bring you up in every conversation. she could go on but the tired look on her son's face makes her stop. She wants to pry on why he looks more drained that ecstatic but she chooses against it.

”Is something wrong?”

He realizes just how carried away he’s getting with his emotions. He shakes his head. “no. I’m just stressed.” He finally looks up at her to give a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes but she returns.

"Sorry, you know how I get carried away. I'm sure you have your own plan let me not stress you."

She leaves and he sighs

No. He has no plan of his own. He has no plan at all.

Your suitcase handle is firmly clutched into your hand as you walk into the airport.

Your eyes scan the crowd. Every face. Each bag too, because you know which one he'd probably be carrying with him. Seeing it again is gonna be triggering cause the last time you saw it was the last time you saw him off.

You and jungkook agreed to come separately and since his parents lived closer to the airport he'd be here first and wait for you by security. But now that you're there you can't see him. Maybe he's a little late but why wouldn't he tell you.

You told him you had just arrived but he hasn't even seen that message. Has he changed his mind? is the first thing that pops up in your head. If he has that's a shitty way to do it. Just ghost you?

So, you pull out your phone to call him. “Pick up." You mutter under your breath.

No answer.

You feel stupid. It honestly feels like you're on a Lifetime show or even worse TLC.

Your annoyance bubbles over as you glance around the busy security area. "Where is he?" you ask yourself.

 Though you think he has, you doubt jungkook would just ghost you. It's not what you know him to be. You tap your foot impatiently and try to call him again. Still nothing. Your heart finally relaxes when you spot him already walking to you. "Seriously?" You say a little upset when he finally reaches. "Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"Oh. I didn't hear it." He says pulling it out of his pocket. "Must be on silent. I’m sorry." He looks at you genuinely so. And you can’t bring yourself to be as mad as you want to be. It’s not a big deal, he’s here now.

“it’s okay, we should get going, we’re almost late.” You say frustrated with how traffic delayed your arrival. Jungkook just hums agreeing and surprising you by taking you suitcase. You’d tell him it’s fine and you can manage but he’s already walking ahead of you. Probably not wanting to hear it.

A tense silence stretches between you two as you wait to board your plane. Sitting side by side has never felt so awkward, like the space between you is miles wide. You scroll through your phone, pretending to be so into it. You don’t notice Jungkook stealing occasional glances at you. Or rather, at the sweater you’re wearing—the one he gave you (more like you took.) just before he moved to another town. The green complimenting your skin. He loves how it just melts to fit you. He’s glad to know that you’re warm, he’s aware of how incredibly warm it is.

He wonders if you’re wearing it deliberately, or if it’s just because it’s the warmest thing you own, and today’s even colder than yesterday. Probably no meaning behind it. At least, that’s what he tells himself. Though it’s not enough to stop him from developing a smile on his face, one he covers with his hand.

The low hum of voices and the faint crackle of the airport announcements fill the silence. Someone walks past, dragging a squeaky suitcase, the airport noises the only thing between the two of you.

“I know this is awkward.” He starts randomly, at first doubting he was talking to you but then you move your attention to him, when you realize it’s only you he can be talking to. It’s not like you were looking at anything on your phone. “I want us to enjoy it. I want you to enjoy it.”

“I want you to enjoy it too.” You find yourself speaking before your brain can process.

He smiles and turns to meet your eyes. All of a sudden, he feels so close. “So can we just pretend.” His eyes don’t move, if possible, they stare even deeper into yours. Yours don’t move as well. “Pretend like everything’s okay.” He speaks low as if he doesn’t want others around to hear. “Agree?”

You haven’t said much, instead just let him speak. “Agreed.”

You don’t mind pretending. You’ve been pretending you’re okay all this time, so why can’t you do it now.

-

You watch Jungkook sliding the bags into the overhead storage above your seats. He notices you approaching and nods for you to have the window seat.

“You sure?” you ask only because he called dibs when you planned the trip that he’d be getting the window seat.

He nods. “Yeah. I know you like it more than I do.” You do. He only called dibs because he was trying to ‘one up’ you like everything’s a game.

You squeeze passed him get comfortable in your seat and he’s soon sitting next to you. You’re glad it’s just two seats.

You sit in silence for most of the flight, each pretending to be too absorbed in your own activities to notice the other. Jungkook watches you out of the corner of his eye as you scroll through your phone, then switch to reading a book. This trip can’t be that bad, you tell yourself. Of course, you two haven’t talked about your breakup, but it doesn’t have to come up. You’ll just enjoy the weekend and go back to normal, like he said—pretend---if either of you even knows what that means.

What are the boundaries of pretending.

At some point, you shift in your seat, leaning against him, your head resting on his shoulder. You’re asleep, of course, but Jungkook glances down at you, momentarily startled. He considers waking you but decides against it. Instead, he leans back slightly, letting you stay there.

As the plane hums softly and moves through the sky, Jungkook can’t help but wonder if this trip could be his chance to fix things. How does he want it to happen? Does he even know? All he knows it that you do eventually have to talk about things. Do you even want to talk about it, because you seem to be avoiding it.

But there’s only so much avoiding you can do.

As soon as the plane lands, you stretch in your seat, surprised you managed to sleep for that long. Glancing at Jungkook, you watch as he pulls the luggage from the overhead bin. He looks like he didn’t get any sleep at all, you had been sleeping on his shoulder for most of the time. You exchange a brief look—just acknowledging each other and your present moment—before heading off the plane

The crisp Swiss air hits you as you step outside the terminal, and you follow Jungkook as he gets into a cab and it drives confidently toward a car rental area, which you’re confused about but don’t ask. Jungkook picks up keys from the reception and you walk through the parkin lot looking for what you don’t know. You’re just following. You stare at him puzzled as he dangles the keys. He’s been quiet, and you hadn’t even expected to rent a car. Public transport seemed like the plan, but now that you think about it, you remember how Jungkook feels about it.

“You rented a car?” you raise a brow.

He nods, “yeah, it’d be easier. Thought you’d approve.”

He catches a glance of your face, like you’re trying to figure something out, but can’t.

“Hmm.” You only hum.

“You look cute when you’re confused”.  He takes you by surprise. “Come on.” He says walking and not letting you process his words. You just try to shake them out of your head.

You don’t admit it, but you're impressed. He thought ahead. And you’re honestly glad he did—something you feel he’s been lacking the past year.

Once he’s done packing the luggage into the car, he closes the trunk and slides into the driver’s seat. You’re not sure why you’re shocked to find out it’s a Mercedes-benz g63 amg. You’d always known he had an obsession with luxury cars, especially ones like this. The fact that his job pays so well certainly helps, you guess moving out of town must’ve been worth it.

The car is great-- so comfortable, and the heater works perfectly, keeping you warm against the cold.

As Jungkook adjusts the mirrors, you scroll through your contacts, trying to figure out what to call the person you booked the cabin with, “what do I call them a host?” You mutter under your breath before dialling the number.

Jungkook glances at you as you speak to the host in quick tones. "Got it, thanks," you say, giving a quick wave of your phone toward Jungkook. With the directions noted you can now get to moving.

"Okay, so we head north, then take-“

“North?" Jungkook interrupts, starting the engine. "Are you sure it's not west or whatever?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

You glare at him. He glances at one map and thinks he knows his way around Switzerland.

"I just talked to the guy," you say flatly.

Jungkook smirks, recalling a past trip. "Remember last time we travelled, and we ended up on a dead-end street?" he says with a cheeky smile on his face. he’s teasing you.

You roll your eyes at the memory. You had been driving through the outskirts, and your GPS got wonky, causing you to go down a deserted road.

“If you’d listened to me, we wouldn’t have gotten lost,” you reply.

You stop bickering, finally following the GPS. Jungkook decides to follow the directions, and the tension eases as you leave the city behind.

The atmosphere shifts, replaced by a sense of awe at the breathtaking scenery. Low-capped mountains stretch into the horizon, Swiss chalets dot the landscape, and the sun reflects off the lakes. You’re glad you arrived during the day; cause nighttime would not have done the view justice.

You watch out the window, your voice filled with awe. "Oh my gosh, it's so beautiful." Jungkook glances at your direction before returning his attention to the road. "Yeah, it is," he agrees, equally mesmerized by the view.

"Can you grab my camera from the back?" he askes. Recalling his passion for photography, you can’t be surprised he has it with him.

You pull out the camera from his bag, noticing it’s larger and more expensive looking than the one you had gifted him. "Do you still have your other one?" you’re curious.

He knows what you’re hinting to. "It fell in water during a fishing trip with my team, but I'm getting it fixed."

“Do you still have the pictures.” You’d hate to lose them, even though they are null and void now, you still like how happy you looked in them.

“Yeah. They’re in my SD.” He informs you and you’re glad.

You fumble with the new camera, struggling to operate its buttons, he notices. "There's a button just there," he directs. Though you aren’t much of a photographer, you manage to snap some decent shots of the scene. You take a lot to make sure you have options.

Feeling playful, you turn the camera to jungkook and snap a pic of him. You had always admired his model-like features and often joked he should pursue modelling instead of his current path, which kept him 218 miles away. But now you realize modelling would only take him even farther.

He never agreed to the idea but never argued either. He preferred to appreciate beauty rather than be the centre of attention.

"Did you just take a picture of me?" he asks, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Yeah, just one," you reply.

He doesn’t respond, leaving you to wonder what he’s thinking. Is he upset? Did you cross a pretending line?

"Wanna stop and take pictures," he grins, "y’know for your Instagram."

It’s not a bad idea, but you don’t want to be late and have the host waiting for too long.

"We won't be long." he looks over to see if you’re considering. He smiles when sees that you are. You don't post much on Instagram, and he knows that. But it wouldn't hurt to have some pictures from this trip.

"Let's be quick," you accept.

He pulls over to the side of the road and when you’re out he’s approaching you to take the camera. "Let me take some of you first," you insist. He isn’t so keen on it though.

"Just a few," you whine dodging him trying to take it from your hands.

"We're supposed to be quick." He reminds you. "And you know I'm not a fan of pictures of me."

 You not wanting to bicker. You hand it over to him. "But I will take pictures of you eventually," it’s a promise.

You quickly get posing on a spot you like, and he snaps several pictures. Some you were prepared for, while others were candid of you looking up a bird flying over, like you’ve never seen a bird before. or just in awe of the scene behind. Why do the birds seem so majestic here?

Jungkook smiles as he continues to take photos, forgetting the time. "I think that's enough. We're going to be late," you say, running out of poses to do.

You start walking to the car and he snaps one more picture of the scene before getting back and starting the car.  Whilst adjusting to the warmth he hands you the camera.

"These are so pretty," you bulge your eyes out at how good jungkook is at taking pictures. You can definitely see the difference. Jungkook can’t help but feel a sense of pride. You scroll through the camera, admiring more pictures.

Then you scroll a little too far and notice a series of photos featuring a friend—someone he seems to be close to. In one, she leans on his shoulder, a gesture that causes some type of discomfort or irritation. You couldn’t be sure, you’re too busy scrolling. She smiles too hard, you judge.

gosh you're pathetic. Why are you acting like this. The man is not your boyfriend he can do whatever. The statement causes an unwanted sour taste to form over your taste buds.

You continue to scroll, analysing the photos, each one deepening your insecurities.

"Careful, you're gonna damage the buttons," Jungkook jokes when he notices your rushed movement. He wonders what has you that way.

When he speaks, you’re brought back to reality. Though you’re brought back with an attitude. You switch off the device and lay it back where you found it, sitting back down with a scowl on your face and jungkook wonders the cause.

You had been fine just a moment ago. He doesn’t say anything and focuses fully on the road ahead. The silent drive to the cabin feels anything but aesthetic.

You sigh as the car slows, leaving behind the snow-covered path. When you approach the cabin, it’s instantly recognizable from the photo. At least you weren’t lost or scammed. The place looks serene. It’s blanketed in snow. It’s not like those huge family ones. It’s small just to fit you and jungkook. You’d have no money to buy anything or activities if you booked those larger ones. And they’re unnecessary cause it’s just the two of you.

Jungkook parks the car, and as you both step out, the awkwardness that’s shadowed the trip returns. It had been there from the beginning, lingering beneath exchanges and strained silences. Brief moments, like taking pictures earlier, had been relieving, but even that had soured quickly. Now, neither of you had much to say.

The cabin’s host, a kind older man with a thick Swiss accent, greets you warmly, showing you around the cozy interior and pointing out the back patio before leaving. Once alone, you both quietly bring in the luggage. The silence is deafening, broken only by the crunch of snow you step on.

Due to your irritation that some how still lingered you step a little too hard on the icy ground, and in an instant, your foot slips. You land awkwardly in a mix of snow and dirt, the impact cushioned but still hurting.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook calls, his voice tinged with concern and amusement. He’d drop the luggage to come check on you if you hadn’t brushed him away with your hand.

Still irritated, now cause of the fall, you dust yourself off and move yourself inside. You drop the luggage in bedroom and start taking off your sweater, only to have Jungkook walk in moments later.

“One bed,” he states, looking at the large, centred piece of furniture. “Looks comfy.” You seem to have forgotten the cabin was lover’s themed, so it did only have one bed. The host had asked you if it was a problem when he saw the look on your face but you just brushed it away at you being tired.

You glance at the bed, then at him. “Yeah. Guess you’ll have to take the couch,” you joke, though your tone comes out flatter than intended.

“Nope.” He flops onto the bed, which creaks under his weight, making him pause to check if it’s broken. When it holds, he relaxes. “I’m sleeping right here.”

You sigh, deciding it’s not worth arguing. You’ve shared a bed before—it shouldn’t be a big deal so many times at that. But those times are not now and you have to deal with your new circumstance.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” you announce, expecting him to leave the room. Instead, he sprawls comfortably on the bed.

“Knock yourself out,” he replies casually.

Groaning, you grab your toiletries and head to the bathroom. The hot water feels like a gift, relaxing your tense muscles. If only the whole trip could feel this peaceful.

When you return, Jungkook is gone, though his shoes by the door confirm he hasn’t gone far. You search through your suitcase for a sweater, only to realize you packed just one sweater—the one now wet and dirty. Frustration bubbles as you grab a thin, long-sleeved shirt. It’ll have to do, though you doubt it’ll keep you warm in tomorrow’s outdoor activities.

Meanwhile, Jungkook in the kitchen has immersed himself in exploring the layout of it. whilst on his expedition his attention drifts to a tiny blue bird minding its business outside the window. He leans into it but carefully not to scare it away. Thankfully it doesn’t seem to find him a bother. “Got any advice for me?” he murmurs, taking a peek behind him. The bird doesn’t react, oblivious to his internal conflict. He’s unsure—about you, about himself, about what this trip is supposed to accomplish.

When you enter the kitchen and done talking to his new friend who doesn’t present him with anything viable but his company, he’s quick to point out the lack of groceries. “We should go shopping. It’s on your itinerary, right?” he teases lightly.

You nod, unsurprised he remembers. You’d always been the planner, the one who thought of everything. Maybe that’s why the breakup hurt so much—it came so suddenly, leaving no time to plan how to feel or move on.

As he’s about to suggest leaving immediately, he notices you rubbing your arms. “Aren’t you cold?” he asks, gesturing to your thin shirt.

“I’m fine,” you reply dismissively, though you clearly aren’t.

“Put on a sweater before you get sick,” he insists. His boyfriend instincts linger, even now.

You hesitate but eventually admit, “I forgot to pack an extra one.” The way how stares at you is so embarrassing for you.

Jungkook chuckles softly, though not unkindly. “Of course you did.” You roll your eyes. He moves to grab a sweater from his suitcase and hands it to you. “Here. Borrow this.”

You take it, the faint scent of his cologne that seems to be on everything he wears no matter how much he washes, invaded your senses. “Thanks,” you say quietly, slipping it on and hoping not to ruin this one too.

By the time you return from the store, exhaustion settles in. You both sit in the living room, cups of hot cocoa in hand. Jungkook flips through the channels while you sit quietly, the warmth of his sweater and the fire calming you.

“You’ve made a lot of friends in Jeju,” you say suddenly, your tone sharper than intended.

Jungkook pauses, confused. “What friends?”

“Colleagues, maybe? Customers? I saw the pictures on your camera,” you admit, staring into your cup instead of at him.

He leans back, waiting. He knows what you’re referring to and could explain that the woman in the photos was a client a little too excited and touchy about her wedding rehearsal photos, and had wanted photos with him. But he wants you to ask.

Instead, the silence stretches, filled with unspoken questions—questions about Jeju, the photos, the breakup, and even yourself. You sigh, pushing them aside.

“is there something you wanna ask?”

“There’s nothing I want to ask,” you finally say, though the bitterness in your voice betrays the truth.

Jungkook laughs softly, shaking his head. “I thought we agreed on pretending.” His voice is still soft.

“I know. Just don’t want you pretending if you’ve got other things going on.”

Jungkook chuckles taking a sip of his cocoa.” I’m good.”

“I’m good too.”

“Good.”

You watch him stand a sly smirk adoring his face. “let’s go back to pretending now, okay?” he says looking at you.

You mumble a sure and he walks off. Probably to sleep.

Sleeping the same bed is even more awkward. After spending some minutes you’d decide you were too tired to be awake, you came the bedroom.

Jungkook was still awake staring at his phone, and for some reason shirtless. He likes to sleep shirtless and the tension between you two isn’t going to stop him.

Jungkook tries to keep his eyes to himself as you change into your pajamas. You didn’t want to be childish so you just changed right there. It’s nothing he’s never seen before. He won’t act like the action doesn’t cause a rise in memories and he holds himself to not thinking further. Soon you’re crawling into your side and laying facing away from him. Jungkook chooses to lie on his back, the bed big enough for you to keep your distance. He turns off the lights but your eyes remain open staring into the dark.

As the night continues, none of you are able to fall asleep. Jungkook tries to make himself comfortable, his shifting cause you to think he might be moving closer, but he doesn’t. why do you feel sad. Your brain is used to being close to him and him holding you in situations like this. And he too is used to wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer into him. But there’s none of that.

“I can’t fucking sleep.” he groans frustratedly sitting up. He runs his hands in his hair. He looks over at you thinking you’re asleep, the darkness preventing him from actually knowing. He’s jealous at the idea of you being able to sleep, but when your frustrated voice sounds, he’s relieved. Relieved that he’s not the only not able to sleep.

“Same.” You mutter remaining on your side.

Jungkook huffs and puffs contemplating on asking what he’d been debating. Your bodies are probably used to sleeping closer to each other, so maybe that’s’ why it’s hard. You surely won’t mind if it means you get to sleep right?

He looks over to you and how far you seem from. He doesn’t like, hates the reality of it. “Can I sleep closer to you.” His words and the fact that he actually said takes you aback. You freeze. Your silence is killing him, he shouldn’t have said it. he should take it back, well—but he’s already sai-

“Okay.” Okay? Well, that was easy, he thought you’d be looking at him weird. but no, you just lay on your side waiting for him.

When he said closer you never thought he meant this close. You’re the closest you can be. But you don’t mind it, it actually brings you that giddy feeling, like it’s your first time cuddling. You realize just how much you missed it. He nuzzles his face in your neck and this is when he’d kiss your shoulder and neck but he doesn’t and the detail is gravely missed. He has to hold himself from not doing it.

“We’re going to move to the middle of the bed, darling.” It’s only then that you realize how much at the edge you were. You shuffle yourselves and move into the center and get comfortable in the position.

“Are you comfortable?”

So much you hate to say it. You can’t even bring yourself to be angry. “y-yeah.” You can barely respond coherently with how his voice is so close sending goosebumps all over you.

“Can I put my around you? It’s the only place I can put it.” he tries to explain, but you were actually hoping for it.

You nod for him to go ahead and he wraps his arm around you. Honestly, he should’ve just asked if he could cuddle you, because this is basically what you’re doing. He didn’t have to mask it; you’d have said yes either way. He doesn’t know that though.

Now that you’re close to him and him to you, you both weirdly fall asleep, very quickly at that.

First thing on your itinerary was to visit the Lindt home of chocolate you’d been drooling at the thought of it since you planned this trip. It would honestly be a crime to visit Switzerland and not visit the Lindt factory. Being a lover of chocolate no activity on your list will be as good as this.

“I don’t know why they have us putting our bags away.” Jungkook whines taking off his jacket, as required and placing it in a locker. “How am I supposed to carry my chocolate.” His speech is almost childlike. You just chuckle.

 ” That’s why they do it.” You inform him, with a soft smile and start to walk ahead of him. Jungkook walks behind you, watching how you look around with wonder.

Did he mention how good he feels right now. The sleep he had last night was the best he’s had in a while. And it only serves to tell him how much he’s missed your presence. Just you as a whole. Being away from you for so long has had an effect on him too. It’s only now, that he’s not able to do all the things he used to do, that he realizes how much he’s missed it. And how much you mean to him.

“Oh my gosh.” Jungkook watches how you take in the aroma of chocolate. It invades his senses and when you’re turning around to check on him, he’s nodding. You want him to enjoy this just as you are.

You gasp and it’s when you spot the huge chocolate fountain that you pull Jungkook’s attention to it by his arm. “it’s so fucking huge.” You say still holding onto him.

“that’s what she said.”

You roll your eyes. “Grow up.” You both laugh. and it’s when you’re lost in laughter and admiring the fountain that jungkook looks down to see you still holding his arm. So, in a swift action of no thought, all instinct he moves to hold your hand.

Your head sharply moves to look at him then at his hand holding yours and then back up at him. He’s got this innocent smile on his face and you can’t help but warm up into his hold. You don’t mind the action of holding hands but you fear what it implies. Is he for real or still pretending?

For the first minutes you stay holding hands, until jungkook is pulling away to grab his camera. You rub you hands together to try and regain your sense of independence. What the heck are you doing, holding hands? This pretending thing Is a good idea, but it’s definitely messing with you in some way. All ways. He’s giving you things that you’ve been craving. The cuddle at night, the holding hands, you’ve missed it all. But you don’t know where it’s coming from, does he miss you too or is he pretending. To think of it you never really discussed what type of pretending you’re doing. Are you pretending to still be together or are you pretending to be good friends. Gosh this is so stressful. And confusing. You wonder if he’s stressing like you are. He seems calm. He’s handling this so well.

“Wait—I need a picture of you. Stand still.” He points the camera to you and you’re quick to turning your head away.

“it’s fine you don’t need to-” snap.

He doesn’t give you the time to object and just snaps. “Jungkook stop taking pictures of me.” He doesn’t. you’re embarrassed to be doing this in public. But he seems thrilled. “Okay wait-” he doesn’t so you choose to reaching for the Lense. But jungkook doesn’t mind filling his storage with pictures of your palm. “Kook, wait.”

“Kook?” he questions smiling. You realize your mistake. Honestly you didn’t mean to call him that, it just came out naturally for you to get him to stop. And it worked. Though now it shifts the air.

You groan. “I didn’t mean it like that.” You roll your eyes. You don’t even know what you’re saying.

He doesn’t linger on it more, which honestly helps your case. The blush on your face is deserving of a picture. Snap.

“Stop that before I revoke your privileges.” You threaten. He doesn’t want that.

He raises his hands in surrender. “won’t do it again.”

You ignore him and turn to keep walking.

“Can take more later though?”

You don’t answer, but he takes it as a yes. You’ve always been his muse, it’s not gonna stop now. His camara is now getting some action.

This place is actually so beautiful, smells amazing too. The pictures you saw did not do it justice.

“Look at the strawberries, the nuts. Ah—I’m in heaven.”

Jungkook smiles as he watches enjoy and pointing for him to look at the large container, of everything that goes well with chocolate. He’s really just happy that you’re including him, by telling him how much you freaking love this place or how you want to stay here forever. It makes him feel like things aren’t all that bad between the two of you and it can be fixed.

“Why are you looking at me like that.” You narrow your eyes at him. Gosh he forgot how long he was looking for. You’d been telling him something but he zoned out.

“Oh-nothing.” He clears his throat.

You just brush it off, cause if you linger on it, you’ll melt. Jungkook looking at you has been a weakness for you, there’s just something about him focusing on you and having only you in sight. “Anyway, I was saying try this.”

He doesn’t regain his consciousness before you’re bringing a spoon full of chocolate to his lips. he takes it, tasting the sweetness of it.

He licks the chocolate off his lips when you pull away. “Mmm….so good.” You nod glad that he likes it. Though way he’s looking at you makes you think he might not be talking about the chocolate. You choose to ignore your thoughts with a cough.

As you go on you learn facts about chocolate and the factory and jungkook takes the pictures. When walking around you make sure to not forget to collect little pieces of chocolate from the dispensers. And it’s not long before your hands are getting full.

When your expedition is over, you’re returning to your bags to stuff them with your treasure.

“This is a lot of chocolate.” Jungkook states.

You shake your head. “it’s not that much.”

“Yeah of course an addict is telling me that.”

You gasp. “I’m not an addict.”

“Tell that to all the money I’ve spent buying you chocolate.” Money which it didn’t mind and loved spending.

“Honestly that’s all on you.” You say raising your hands. He chuckles.

Getting tired you both decide to go by the café inside the factory. Whilst there you both order some food to eat which is not chocolate, except you. For your beverage you picked to drink the famous hot cocoa. Which tastes like heaven made it themselves.

“How do I take this home with me?” you say motioning to your drink.

“Just stay.” He meant to say you both could just stay, but his tongue tripped.

You nod, thinking about it. “I could.” Moving to Switzerland and living here would be a dream. But unfortunately, things aren’t that easy. Finding a job would be hard, plus the language barrier would kill you.

“don’t.” he’s almost pleading. “I don’t know how I’d tell your family I lost you to Switzerland.” More like he doesn’t know how he’d fix things.

“Honestly it’s no competition.” You say in deep thought and analysis.

“What? you would leave me for Switzerland?” He says it not realizing causing you to chuckle. And when you look at him, he gets it.

The conversation doesn’t go farther after that. Jungkook just stays in his thought. When jungkook had made the decision to move. He honestly thought it wouldn’t be that bad. He’d plan on maybe moving you out to him when he settled down, but your job was a very hot topic. At the time he hadn’t realized how serious it was. But now he does.

If it was you moving, he’d be just as hurt. And it pissing him off that he hadn’t realize the impact.

For your second and last activity for the day, cause of the way time just flies by; is the largest indoor flea market.

You spend your time there; just looking around, eating, and buying stuff. During your move you make it a mission to take pictures of jungkook. And you do manage to take some good ones.

He also finds an opportunity to ask about your work and how it’s going. And if that co-worker that bothers you is still around. He’s glad to learn that she did get moved to another department. He’s happy with whatever makes you comfortable.

As you’re talking, you’re approached by a couple, older but not old and tourists as well. They ask you to take a picture of them and jungkook is glad to assist. When he’s done, they’re happy and offer to take a picture of you too, jungkook wants to decline the offer assuming you wouldn’t want to but you’re quick to accepting.

“you two look so lovely together.” The lady says and you have no clue what to say apart form an awkward thank you. You wouldn’t blame them for thinking you’re a couple, not with the way jungkook is smiling at the picture.

“Grow up kook.”

“What?” he whines. “It’s a good photo.”

You roll your eyes before walking away. He follows behind you, smiling.

-----

Soon your day on paper comes to an end and you’re returning to the cabin.

You did not know what to expect of your day in the morning. Your night was okay but would the rest of the day go the same? those were some of your thoughts. But to your pleasure the day went well, great even. You just hope it’s the same for the rest of the trip.

Jungkook is on cocoa duty (not assigned but he took the responsibility.) and you’d be lying if you said he didn’t do a good job at it every time.

Leaning against the counter holding your mug and watching him finishes up with his own, you watch.

“How’d you like the Lindt factory?”

He takes a sip before answering. “Great. Honestly enjoyed it more than I thought.”

“What? You don’t trust my judgement?” you watch as he leans on the counter opposite from you.

“it’s not that. Just never thought I was that big of a chocolate fan.”

You hum. Silence fills the kitchen as you’re just enjoying the drink. Why does the air feel so thick, is it the way he just leans there. Pajamas not doing a very good job at hiding his physique. Why the hell does he look buffer. Gosh, his arms look like they’d lift and lay you to your demise. In the morning you caught a glimpse of his shirtless torso, and you were about to lose your cool. To add gasoline to the fire he had just stepped out the shower and had not completely dried. Geez, if it wasn’t for your ability to leave the room, you don’t know what you would’ve done or said.

Jungkook has always had a keen eye for your little frustrated looks, the way you don’t blink, the way you wrap your hands around yourself or how you cross your legs. He knows. It’s the details he’s aware of. No one knows you like he does.

“I like this sweater on you.” He says pointing to the green sweater you’d just gotten back from the dry cleaners.

You look down at it. “Because it’s yours?” you raise a brow as you take a sip of your cocoa.

He shakes his head looking your body up. “no. because you look good in it.” He’s biting his lip, then his playing with that little lip ring. Yn, hold yourself.

You choke out a chuckle. “Jungkook.” It’s a warning for him. But he doesn’t take it.

“What? It’s not my fault you look good in all my clothes.” gosh you’re gonna die choking on this liquid. “Makes me want to just hand over my closet to you.” He’s coming closer to you, gosh what the fuck, he approaches but it’s the sink you’re standing in front he wants. You move. He rinses his mug, tired of the drink.

“Well, that won’t be necessary.” you say sliding away from his towering figure. Just to catch your breath, cause you’ve been holding it. Jungkook laughs at the movement. Just after, you’re rinsing your cup and placing it in the cupboard. You’re not gonna die choking on cocoa, or jungkook as a matter of fact.

“Think I’m going to bed.” You state thinking the bedroom will be your only place of solace away from him.

“Me too. I’m getting sleepy.”

You’re stiff as he walks behind you. You hope you’ll be able to sleep on your own tonight. Cause if jungkook just as much as touches you, you’ll turn into a puddle.

You’re quick to moving to your side and facing away from him as to not see him taking of his shirt. You know because you hear it drop.

“Goodnight.” He says turning off the light.

With all your might you mumble a goodnight to him too.

Tonight, you manage to fall asleep without cuddling. You sleep back-to-back close enough to feel the heat radiating off the other.

Jungkook wanted, so badly to go skiing after seeing an advertisement for it and saw some people do it on your way to the cabin. You’re not one for these intense sports but since he went with you to the Lindt factory, you thought it’d only be fair to go as well. Just accompany him.

Though his won’t be sweet and rewarding.

“You wanna go with me?” he asks teasingly and you shake your head, as soon as you process his words.” come on.” He whines.

“I’ll just cheer you on from down here.” The process of skiing looks terrifying. What do you mean you had to go on those zip line things, and slide down. Not you. Nope.

“it’s not that bad. You’ll be with me.”

Though it sounds comforting it doesn’t change anything. “I’ll just stay here looking around and taking pictures for you.” You smile hoping it convinces him.

He chuckles, his bunny smile on show for you.” baby what are you so scared of?” the pet name comes out smoothly, catching you by surprise. But it does seat itself in and warm your heart.

“it’s just scary.” You wrap your arms around your body.

He sighs watching you closely. “Fine, but can we do something as exciting, later.” He stares at you scattering your brain for what he could be referring to. “Like ice skating.” Oh—he was thinking ice skating. Last night has your mind in a whirlwind.

“That sounds better.” Jungkook laughs cause it’s basically the same thing, but he won’t get into it.

“Okay then.” He says walking to the register. “we’ll do that later.” It’s a promise.

Jungkook is off skiing and you’re sat in doors, still able to watch the outside activities, landscape and events thought the large window. You don’t mind not going skiing, it’s not like it was on your list.

While you’re sat you decide it’d be a good time to call jimin and let him in on your trip so far.

“it’s not as awkward, anymore. It was at first. But then we just agreed to just enjoy the trip for the sake of our money.”

“The sake of your money?” he mocks.

You choke out a laugh. “Yes, for the money.” Is it? “he’s been nice and all. It’s actually not bad.” Jimin hums as he listens, this time at least you have his attention.

You’ve shockingly enjoyed the trip more than you thought, so far. If you just keep on, the whole trip could go well and you’d be back to your normal lives. You hate the sickness you feel at the thought. The trip will end, it is gonna end and you’ll be back to what you were before. Gosh.

“Sounds like the trip is going a little too well.”

You scoff. “it’s not that, we’re both just chill.”

“No fucking or kissing.”

You gasp and look around like someone could’ve heard that, but your phone is to your ear. “jimin! Oh my gosh.” The thought of it has you blushing still.

“Just sayin’. Jungkook’s probably dying. ”

You roll your eyes. He’s fine, you’re fine.

You go on talking but soon you have to end the call. Immediately you cut the call and stuff your phone in your pocket a figure sits next to you. Male, not jungkook. You pay no mind to him. you’re on a public bench anyone can sit next to you. He’s just in his own business. Is what you think until he’s reaching over to talk to you.

“Exciting isn’t it.” when he speaks you catch his foreign accent, not Swiss. Must be a tourist like you.

You awkwardly furrow your brows. “Huh?”

“Skiing.” He points.

Then it clicks that that’s what he’s talking about.

“I presume.” You say modestly. Why the heck is he talking to you.

“Presume? Haven’t you gone?”

“no.” You shake your head chuckling. “it’s not for me.”

“You can’t say that. You haven’t even tried.” You internally roll your eyes. Why does he seem to care so much. “Plus, why come to Switzerland in the winter and not try skiing.”

You don’t know why you carry on this conversation, but you feel like justifying yourself. “Honestly I just came for the Lindt factory.” You say shamelessly causing the stranger to laugh. he doesn’t seem like a weirdo or creep, but you can never know. He’s probably not talking to you out of pure interest. So, you try to keep your distance.

“you’ve been?”

“Yeah. Yesterday.”

He hums sound interested and you know this conversation isn’t ending anytime soon. “How was it?”

You scoff internally. “It was fun. Would recommend you’ll love it.” You don’t even know him; how would you know he’d like it. And to be fair you’d add that Jungkook’s presence made the place more exciting to be at. You assume he doesn’t have a jungkook. Speaking of jungkook, how long is he going to be? You should’ve just gone out on a walk instead.

He nods. “Well maybe you can show me.” You pause, okay now you’re starting to get uncomfortable. “I’m sorry I don’t mean it like that. It’s just that I came alone and it would be nice to have someone show me around.” He justifies but it doesn’t make you any more comfortable. “I’d pay for your ticket if that’s the issue.”

You chuckle. “I’m a tourist to, there’s not much I can show you.”

“I mean you’ve visited the Lindt, so you know more than me.” Gosh he’s so adamant.

You smile awkwardly wishing jungkook would just pop up.

“you’d be better off going with someone else.” You’re looking around as if you’ve lost something. The man catches on to the action.

“Am I making you uncomfortable.” Yes. very.

“No-” before you can finish your lie of a statement, Jungkook’s interrupts, voice anything but kind.

“Yes, you are.” He says firmly, body not open for discussion.

The guy turns to look at you, then jungkook, then back at you. “Do you know him?”

Hesitantly you respond. “yeah” you debate on what to say. “He’s a friend.” He is isn’t he?

Friend? Jungkook chuckles internally. “Excuse us.” He spits out to the man.

The guy is taken aback, but just stands. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” You just nod and give him an awkward smile as he walks away.

You sigh relieved that he’s gone.

 You and jungkook share a glance before he’s sitting down.

“Friend?” Jungkook asks when he sits next to you.

You raise a brow. “What? you wanted me to lie?”

“Lie?” he says even stronger. You don’t know what he’s pointing to right now.

“Are you parrot?” You chuckle trying to get smart with him.

Jungkook scoffs at how you avoid his eyes. “You couldn’t have said I was your boyfriend.”

“But you’re not.” You spit out a little quickly.

When you turn to look at him you catch how his jaw clenches. And if you weren’t arguing right now, you’d think it’s the hottest thing. “But you could’ve just lied so he leaves you alone. Now he’s probably going to try to approach you again.”

“he’s not going to.” You say naively.

Jungkook is getting frustrated with this, a little more than he should. “I know guys like that, he’s going wait for a time when I’m not around and attack.”

“Attack?” you laugh at his word choice. Your laughter only serves to his anger. “You’re being dramatic”

“I’m not being dramatic, I’m being serious” his statement comes out a little strong and louder than you’d like

“don’t yell.” You warn him and he apologizes. “I get you feel like you need to protect me, but relax.”

He laughs at the way you think. You thinking he’s feeling like he needs to, no, he needs to. He wants to.

“I don’t feel like, I need to, I want to.”

You don’t say anything, he knows he’s got you, what more could you say. There’s nothing. Jungkook is the protective type, has always been. He’s shown you that many times in your relationship. And then, it made sense but now you feel like he shouldn’t have to bother himself with it. You’re not his responsibility anymore. “We should get ready to go for lunch.” you stand walking away.

Jungkook follows after you, knowing you’re now gonna give him attitude. Your folded arms are evidence of that. He’d normally just kiss the attitude away but for obvious reason he can’t.

-

“you’re not gonna ask how skiing was?” He tries really hard to open the air for conversation. He hates it when you argue. So, he tries to everything he can to lighten the air.

You stare down at your food. Your eyes not meeting him once. “How was it?” you don’t even sound interested which you hate because you are. You love to hear jungkook talk about things he loves.

“It was great.” He explains not into going into much detail like he wanted to. Your energy demoralizes him. “I’m sure they’re still open if you still want to try. He suggests but you’re quick to shaking your head.

When he’s about to say something, he’s getting interrupted. It’s a girl, the one he met when skiing. She showed him around some routes since she’s a local.

“Yn, this is Lena. I met her whilst skiing.” He says introducing you. “Lena this is yn, my friend.”

Fuck now you know how bad it stings.

“Hey yn. How are you liking you trip so far?” she asks politely in an accent.

You stare her up, taking in her features. She looks about your age, and gorgeous. Why is your body so rigid. Speak. “Umm- hi-I’m liking it well enough. Thanks.” you can hear how stiff and awkward your speech is. Gosh yn she hasn’t done anything to you, chill. Smile.

Jungkook breaks into your awkward encounter. “I’m gonna be seeing you at the ice rink, right?”

He says and she smiles a little too hard. You roll your eyes. What does he mean he’s gonna see her there. Is the a you and him trip anymore? Your food doesn’t look as appetizing anymore. “Yeah. I’m there often during the holidays.”

The way her voice rings in your head is jarring. Make it stop.

Soon your prayers are answered and she’s leaving. Though unlike her your heavy heart stays.

Jungkook turns to you, still staring at her route of exit. “You, okay?” your eyes return.

You shift your eyes to your hands. “Yeah, I’m just tired.” You stand from the table choosing to leave. “I think I’m gonna stop by the cabin.”

Jungkook is confused. But he just takes you as you are.

“Sure, let me get-” he threatens to stand.

“no. I’ll just take a train.”

He sits down. If you want to be alone it’s best if he lets you be.

When you get to the cabin, all alone. You find yourself falling into deep thought.

The pretend play you and jungkook are playing is good for you to enjoy the trip, but you won’t deny how much it only covers your true feelings. You play pretend and feel all these feelings as though you’re still together and then the trip ends and you’re sucked into being apart.  And it’s him leaving all over again.

You’re getting sick of it. There’s only so much pretending you can do.

Jungkook: ice skating later today?

He wants to be sure you haven’t changed your mind.

Not matter your emotions you still want to enjoy the trip.

You: sure. Meet you there.

When you make it to the ice rink, your mood is still tense from lunch, which is your fault for holding on to the emotions for so long. To only sour your mood more, you spot jungkook talking to the Lena girl from lunch.

You roll your eyes and watch how she giggles a little too hard at something he says. Jungkook is a funny guy, but she shouldn’t be laughing, whatever he’s said can’t be that funny. This is so irritating. Why the hell is she even here.

When jungkook spots you, he has on a huge grin, but the sour look on your face has him dropping it. He thought maybe you wouldn’t be still upset by now. But he’s wrong. “Yn you’re here.” He says it like he wasn’t expecting you and you weren’t meant to be here, or that’s how you hear it.

“We made plans, didn’t we?” your tone is nothing more than flat and irritated.

“We did.” He turns. “You remember Lena?” He turns to point at her, like you can’t see her. Why’s she looking at you.

Oh, could you forget her. “I do.” You jeer.

“Hi.” she with her perfect smile. You’d liked to punch it in—your of course—you’d never actually so it.

“Hey.” It comes out awkward and strained. Wanting to get things over with you turn to jungkook immediately. “what’re we doing now?”              

“Um. We’ll have to get the skates.” He turns to Lena for some type of consultation, you scoff.

 “Yeah, this way.” she says turning to lead the way.

Jungkook turns to you, your folded arms the first thing he sees. He stands next to you. “You get here okay?” you didn’t arrive together which means you had to take public transport, which he knows you don’t mind but he just wants to check on you.

“Yeah.” You mutter before walking ahead of him. Do you even know where you’re going?

You want to enjoy it, but the emotions that are ahead of you block you from doing so completely. And of course, Lena is a pro at skating.

Jungkook is fairly good, for someone who’s just taken it up. You’d attribute that to his quick learner personality.

You on the other hand are struggling, and it’s pissing you off. You hold on to the half wall and glide. There’s a good amount of people around and honestly, it’s embarrassing. -like- there are even small kids better at it than you. It’d be better if you just stopped. There are probably other activities you could do. Ice skating (or skiing) is not the end all be all of Switzerland.

Jungkook would probably enjoy skating more with Lena, seeing that they skied together earlier. You question why jungkook even ever liked you in the first place. You’re not cool like Lena or even as adventurous, you do try but you don’t feel it’s enough. He’s better off with someone like her. It’s good you broke up so that he can be free to do whatever. The thought stabs at your heart.

Jungkook spots you from where he is walking out. The look on your face anything but happy. He’s swift to skating to you, making sure not to bump into anymore with how fast he’s moving. “Where you going?”

His concerned and soft voice only intensifies your frustration. Could he not see how irritated and bad at this you are. He was probably too busy to notice. He’s always busy.

 “You haven’t even travelled the while ring.” He chuckles awkwardly as you step off. He follows.

“I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it.” You don’t even dare look at him, because you know if you do your frustration will win and you’ll end up yelling or crying. And both are too embarrassing to do in public.

Jungkook scoffs. Jungkook can’t tell what’s going on with you but it’s definitely disturbing your ability to enjoy anything. He wants you to enjoy. But what’s irritating him is how you don’t want to communicate what you’re feeling to him. He’s always made himself a safe space for you to open up. But you never take it. Ever since he m0ved you’ve been distant, physically and emotionally. It’s frustrating cause all he wants is to be close to you in all ways. “You were not feeling skiing and now you’re not feeling this?”

Is he blaming you for not enjoying this? It’s not your fault you feel this way. You don’t even want to be feeling like this. You do want to enjoy skating, gosh you want to, so bad. But there’s just so much you’re holding on too that pretending can’t solve.

“Jungkook I’m not any good at this.” You gesture around eyes starting to sting when you watch how other people have fun while you argue. “You just go have fun with your Leni or Lena whatever.” You act like you aren’t sure of her name.

It’s the way you say it, the force and strain in the word. The way you look to the crowd in a jittering stare looking for her that let’s jungkook know what this is all about. Did it come off like that? She’s just a girl he met whilst skiing, he honestly never thought that far. Never thought you’d be thinking of it.

“Is this because of her?” he questions eyebrows furrowed trying to look at your face that’s staring down. Why the hell are this shoe laces so hard to untie. you just want to cut them off, but you’d probably have to pay for damages. Shit

Your frustration is replaced with another type of embarrassment, when jungkook is on his knee to replace his hands with yours to help you take the laces off. You just want the ground to swallow you right now. Unlike you Jungkook’s calmness is able to take the laces off. He tries to help you into your other shoes but you just brush him off. He moves.

Standing up and looking at you he asks. Voice calm like usual. “Is it?” you’d even forgotten his previous question. Do you have to answer him?

“I don’t know how it would be when you two are off to the other side of the ring. I’ve barely talked to her.” That’s exactly the problem why the heck do you feel like this when you haven’t gotten to know the girl. You barely know her intentions.

“It is.”

You groan rolling your eyes. “If you want help skating, I can help you. I’m sorry that I got carried away.” It’s probably one of the things you’re mad about. He just fucking left you like you didn’t make plans to come here together. Yeah, maybe your attitude made the distance between you, but he should know how to deal with it by now. Gosh you’ve been together for a good 3 years. He should know how you are.

And he does. That’s why he insists you’re acting like this cause of Lena. well, she’s probably just a catalyst and there’s something deeper that you two have to address.

You stand looking up at him, but he’s towering figure doesn’t make you as intimidating as you want to feel. “You don’t have to be sorry about anything, why? Cause you always know what you’re doing.”

“You know it’d be better if you just said it directly.” Whatever it is, because he wants to know. You want to walk past him but his hand around your wrist stops you. You look at it then at him. He’s not smiling, but not mad. Just concerned.

“I don’t--I’m not saying anything.” You snatch it form his grip and he lets you.

Jungkook’s face scrunches up in frustration. “That’s what you always say, then pull shit like this.”

You pause and stare at right in his--round eyes that are now, siren. “Shit like what?”

“This. Your fucking attitude.” He almost loses his tone but remembers that you’re in public, which is so fucking embarrassing. “You never want to talk about things.” He looks around for any watching eyes.

You just glare at him. Maybe you don’t like expressing yourself to him anymore. You’ve noticed it too. It had been hard for you to express yourself to him over a call, and sometimes shitty network. There had been days where you wanted to cry on his shoulders but only had the screen to rely on, so guess what you did. Nothing. You didn’t cry, you didn’t tell him anything. You’d just cry on your pillow after the call ends. “Maybe I don’t cause I know you won’t listen.”

That’s a hit to his ego. To him as a person.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I always listen to you.” The blank look on your face has him questioning himself. “of course, I’m not perfect.”

You chuckle bitterly.

“Just go off to your little girlfriend.” And there it is, a confirmation of what he already knew.

You start walking to the entrance. And he follows. Shoes on. He’s not going to be able to skate with the heaviness in his heart. He’d end up sinking into the ice, which doesn’t sound so bad right now. “Come on.” He swiftly moves to standing Infront of you. He blocks you from moving and you just give up and just decide to look at his jaw, not wanting to look directly at him. Which was not a good idea, cause of how he clenches it. You look up into his eyes. “you’re jealous?”

“Who?” he’s a parrot and now you’re an owl, he wants to say but finds it inappropriate for your mood.

“You are so jealous.”

“I’m no-”

“don’t lie to me.” You try to push at his chest for him to move out of your way, but your plan backfires giving him leeway to hold your hand firmly to his chest. Hard as a rock even through he’s sweater. “Tell me why you’re jealous.”

Instead of answering him directly you try to change the topic. You swear you can feel his heart beat through his sweater.

“Don’t act like I couldn’t see you jealous too when that guy approached me.” You try to one-up.

“I was jealous.” His confession has you wanting you dig a hole and hide yourself. It’s so easy for him to say, you weren’t even enjoying your conversation with that guy. “Difference with me is that I can say it.”

Shit. Shit. What do you say now. Get angrier, that always works, well not really.

“Whatever. I’m not jealous.” You look away from him. Are you really doing this in public. Jungkook doesn’t look like he gives a fuck right now, he just wants an answer. One which he’s not going to get.

“Tell me what you’re so jealous about?” his voice lowers

“How many times do I have to say I’m not jealous.” Till you can’t deny it anymore, the thought runs through Jungkook’s mind.  “Just go have your fun.” You finally decide you’re tired of feeling his heart beat perfectly.

“you’re so ridiculous y’know.” He watches you move slight away, anger not faltering one bit. You’re determined to being upset. “can’t we just talk about this. It seems to be bothering you.”

It is. It’s fucking gnawing at your heart, your lungs, your mind.

“Nothing’s bothering me, I’m fine.” You breathe in, relaxing and calming down just a bit. “I just don’t want to be out there all on my own, while you’re having fun with some else.” Jungkook licks his lip. He doesn’t have anything else to say. What he has to say can’t be said here or whilst you’re unable to hear.

“I’m going home.” You pass by him and he doesn’t bother turning to watch you walk out.

“Korea?” it’s possible for you to want to leave. And the thought causes him to bite down hard on his bottom lip. Cause if you leave on these terms, nothing’s gonna change and he’d never get another chance. You’d avoid him like the plague.

“No, the cabin.” You state and he’s relieved. “Have fun.”

“Everything okay?” jungkook is startled by Lena’s voice who walked around to find him after she noticed he was gone.

“Yeah.” You force a smile. “I’ll just get going.” He informs her. He already has his stuff so there’s no need for him to go back inside. “Thanks for getting us in, though we didn’t even stay long.”

“No problem. It was fun, wish I got to talk to her.”

“Yeah, she isn’t normally like that.” Cause you aren’t.

“I understand.”

You don’t immediately go to the cabin. Instead, you go to the sauna you had been eyeing. It could probably be the only way to relax you. The sweat dripping down will mask the real tears falling down your face. You’re glad you’re alone right now.

You have your head leaned back thinking about what had just previously happened. The thoughts not wanting to leave you.

You hear the door open but you don’t bother looking, you’ve got a lot to think about. “hey stranger..” the familiar voice speaks just as shocked. You sharply open your eyes. Wondering if it’s you he’s speaking to but you’re just the two of you in here.

You’re just the two of you.

“didn’t expect to find you here.” He says setting himself down just in front of you and you looking at him oddly. Do you have bad luck?

“hmm” you chuckle awkwardly. You make a plan to gradually scoot yourself to the door. Being with him here does make you uncomfortable but you try to stay to enjoy what’s left of your time. You expect silence but the man doesn’t see on the same level. “Went to the Lindt factory like you said. Was honestly the best of everything.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” you say like you’re a worker at the factory or care.

“It would’ve been better if you came too.”

You awkwardly chuckle and finally decide to sit up. You came here to think and relax but this guy couldn’t be more of a bother. “I’m sure I would’ve just made it worse.”

He chuckles and smiles your way. A smile you do not reciprocate “I doubt.”

“Is your friend around?” Now you should fucking leave.

“Mm?” you ask like you didn’t hear. Fucking sirens are blaring. He’s not giving off I’m gonna leap at your vibe. It’s more of his inability to give up that bugs you. “Oh- ahh yeah. He’s gonna be here.”

He turns to look at the door like Jungkook’s about to walk through the door, but he doesn’t. gosh you wish he would. “isn’t it hard to have male friends like him.” You look at him brows furrowed, confused. You wait for him to elaborate and he’s quick to it. “Protective.” He says.

“how?”

“makes it hard for you to live your live and get to know people.” You laugh. it’s not like jungkook has his hands on you and pulling you away from people who want to talk to you. He’s actually for it but he just has a good discernment of creeps. As you sit here you reflect on his words from before when you initially met the guy. Gosh you should really start listening to jungkook. Makes you realize how right he is—sometimes--

“no.” your tone is sharp that the soft one you’d been giving him.

He shakes his head. He lifts his hands in defence saying, “I think he’s doing too much.” Now you’re getting upset, visibly so, which is not lost to the man. Who the fuck does he thinks he is. He’s the one doing too much, “I’m not some weirdo, I promise.” He hasn’t shown any signs of it yet, but you don’t give a fuck and you’re not gonna wait around for him to show it.

“I think you’re doing too much.” You snare abruptly standing up. He can tell the irritation on your face and is about to defend himself but you’re quick to cutting in. you’re not about to have it.

“I don’t know how your long your trip is but if you see me around, please don’t speak to me.”

“Wait.” You don’t.

Sauna time done you decide to go back to the cabin, feeling anything but relaxed. Daylight already lost.

Today has honestly knocked you out, as though you’ve done anything energy straining. It’s more of an emotional strain. When you walk in jungkook isn’t anywhere to be seen. So, you just assume he never got back. Makes you wonder where the hell he is and why he didn’t tell you, but you’re in no place to convict him cause you never informed him of your sauna endeavours as well. You’re both grown adults and can move around Switzerland without the other—but—why do you feel entitled to know where he is. You lost those privileges when you broke up and now when you left him at the rink.

Maybe a steamy shower will do what the sauna didn’t finish cause of you interruption. After that you decide to end your night early, you’ve got nothing to do after all.

you toss and turn in bed, barely able to get a linear sleeping time. Everything just feels so weird and off. Even worse than in the beginning. It’s all a different type of awkward, which you hate. Jungkook isn’t sleeping next to you which prompts you to checking the time.

1:39am your phone tells you.

Where the hell is he, you’re starting to get scared. You’re not worried about his safety cause jungkook is very capable in that sector, --well unless he got shot—shot?  Why are thinking of that. Who’d fucking shot him, let alone in Switzerland. He’s never been in any trouble with the law or anyone. You’re getting paranoid, if you don’t see jungkook in the flesh, well and not wounded, you’re gonna lose your mind.

Putting on the sweater that has been a staple and carried you through the trip you walk out the bedroom to the open floor living room. you sigh when you don’t spot jungkook. You won’t be able to go back to sleep even if you wanted to. Cause you don’t feel like it and are losing your mind. As you’re standing in the living room like an anxiety ridden mom waiting for their teenager child at midnight, you hear it. It’s wood chopping sounds. Harsh and fast. You do have some cabins around you so it could be your neighbours—but no--the sound is closer to yours, like it’s just outside. So, you curiously walk to the door which would lead you closer to the sound. Maybe you aren’t as afraid cause you assume it’s jungkook. And it is.

You relax when you spot his figure well and healthy.

He doesn’t notice as you stand watching him. bottom lip chewed down on. Why the hell is he chopping wood at 1 in the morning.

You want to say something. You need to. Maybe apologize about what happened at the rink, you have a fair share in the argument. Since waking up or maybe after the sauna you realized how childish your behaviour was. You ruined the moment. When you could’ve just asked jungkook to help you and he would’ve been there, hadn’t you chosen to give into your irritation. Irritation of seeing him with a woman. There you said it.

His muscles flex as he moves to drop the axe down on the wood.

This is not what you want for you and jungkook. Arguing and not able to talk or share air. It’s not what you want. Even if things do officially end, you’d want to end it on calm and friendlier terms.

As you watch him you notice how his jaw tightens. He’s not just chopping wood. You start to worry for him when his movements grow harsher, of the larger chunk of wood.

“What did the wood do to you?” you try to be neutral.

He didn’t notice you behind him. So, he’s startled by the sound of your voice. Turning to look at you holding yourself in the door way, he chooses to take a break. He got so carried away he forgot he was cutting wood for the fire place and had cut too much. He drops the axe into snow. “Ditched me at the ice rink.” He says going to pick up some pieces of wood to bring inside.

Fuck you feel so bad. You stay silent watching him until he’s brought all the wood in and finally closing the door. Which allows for the warmth from the now blazing fire to fill the house. Now in warmer climate, jungkook takes off his large sweater and you drop your arms that were still wrapped around you.

“I’m sorry about that.” You mumble softly. He stands at the sink, you assume to make himself something warm.

“it’s okay, it’s not like I went all the way to stay in touch with some girl so she could get me—us--a good deal at the ice rink. Then I take you there and you ditch the thing entirely.”

You do feel horrible about to, but his tone irritates you causing you to respond as just that. Which you immediately regret.

“I left you with her, weren’t you happy with that.” You have an interesting way of saying things that bother you.

Jungkook pauses his actions and stares at you with a seriously confused face. He scoffs. You’re not making sense. “You know that’s not what I wanted.” He returns to his mug. “I wanted to spend it with you.” His voices calms.

Fuck. Uhm what do you say. You should probably say you’re sorry. “I’m sorry.”

Jungkook just listening. He just doesn’t understand, he wishes you could just be straight forward. Frustrated and tired of hiding behind a task, he drops the cup to give you, his attention.

“Did I say something wrong?” you stand where you are but jungkook moves. To you. You panic but he doesn’t walk closer than a few feet from you. You don’t know how you’d handle yourself if he came any closer. At the rink you almost died. “At the rink?” he clarifies like you’re not fully aware. He just wants to make sure that you’re on the same page. Cause you can think of other times he might have feared he’d said something wrong.  “I honestly shouldn’t even have started talking to her.” He rubs a hand over his face.

Jungkook has never been malicious to you in your friendship before or relationship. Or even now. He’s been cordial. He’s the only man who’s treated so well and calmingly. Of course he has his imperfections, you both do. But it doesn’t take from how well he’s treated you. He never crosses a line.

“it’s not even that.” You’re looking off to the side and holding yourself again,

Gosh, he’s really holding himself right now. He bites his lower lip and clenches his jaw to hold himself back from just walking up to you and making you look him in the eyes. “Then what’s wrong. Please talk to me.” He pleads.

“I don’t know,” you whisper still looking beyond him, your voice is barely audible.

He’s begging, really for you to just tell him something. “Please don’t say that.” He responds, his tone a mix of frustration and pleading. He steps closer just a few centimetres away, if you unfolded your arms you’d probably bump into his chest.

“I don’t-” you start but your voice cuts you off, “it’s the way you-” you aren’t able to finish. What are you going to do with yourself. This is embarrassing, you can barely form or organize your thoughts and your mouth can barely move to speak. You’re not even going to talk about how hard it is for you to look him in the eyes. You just settle with staring at his other supporting features. His hair, his ears (that are red from what you assume is frustration—it’s not--), his eyebrows and then you skip to look at his nose--

“was it me talking to that girl?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” You push away slightly.

“But we have--you know what--I want to.” He moves to block your action of walking away. You thought you were strong enough. You thought you’d manage to talk about this. But you can’t. not when it makes you want to cry.  “I want to talk about it.” His voice is stern but not harsh. It’s just strong enough to let you know he’s not letting this go. It’s funny how something so insignificant can cause you to be in this situation. Forced to express and confront your emotions, the one’s you’ve been running from since the trip began, the one’s you told yourselves you’d pretend didn’t exist. You fooled yourselves by dodging the topic.

Now you’re here. “While we’re at it we can talk about why you broke up with me.” He’s not asking if you can talk about it, he’s telling you it has to be talked about and he’s not gonna let it go by. Not this time.

At his words, all your emotions unite to form a single unit of defence. “me? you agreed too.” You point at him face scowling.

“I only did cause it’s what you wanted, and I didn’t want to hold you back.”

You stare confused. “Hold me back from what?” what the fuck does he think you’ve been doing. You hope he doesn’t think you’ve been out and about since breaking up, that’s been the last thing on your mind.

“From living the life, you wanted to, without me.” His upset at the thought leading his voice to come out a little passive aggressive.

He does think that, you can see it. “Without you? I don’t want that.” You state. “But how can I live a life with you when you’re miles away, always busy. And can barely visit.” You just talk. Finally, your gears are moving. But the problem is that so are the tears. “You moving away is you choosing to live without me too.” You choke on your words a little. “Even I didn’t want to tie you to me or hold you back from your dreams that’s why I tried to li- live with it, but it got so unbearable kook. I couldn’t take it. it felt like I was alone. In fact, I was alone.”

Jungkook feels sick hearing that you felt alone.

“You know I did try.” His voice is soft, moving himself into your circle. You let him. He can’t help himself but cup your cheek. The action feels comforting, almost relieving. At least he’s here and you’re not talking over the phone, makes it much easier for you to sink into his touch.

You hold the wrist that’s caressing your cheek. Gosh you want to keep his touch here forever. “I know that’s what hurts more you tried but it still wasn’t enough. I really did want it to work. I still do.” On your last sentence you look up at him and he’s already staring at you, the thump of his other hand coming swiftly to wipe your stray tears. You sniffle. “Cause honestly I’ve missed you kook.” You feel comforted playing with the end of his sweater.  “So much. I miss how we were before you moved. When it was easier for us to be together.” your fingers take a journey from the bottom of his sweater to the neck.

Your palms lay flat on his chest and his hands move to softly hold your wrist, not to move you away but you keep there.

“I know we said we’d pretend. A-and I thought I could. But I can’t kook.” On cue with his name, you look up at him. “fuck- I never knew how much I hate seeing you talk to other—" you can’t finish your sentence, but it’s okay cause he’s finished for you in his mind. “I’m sorry for attitude.”

He glides his hands from your wrists down your arms until they are both on your waist. “I’m sorry too.” He’s pulling you closer, your hands still on his chest, but now for stability. “I’m so sorry I was too distracted for you. You didn’t deserve that. You don’t serve that.” He’s caressing your back. “okay?” you have to answer but you can only bring yourself to nodding. All he’s ever wanted was to know. Know what was wrong and how he could fix it.

“I’ve missed you too.” He smiles lightly bringing his nose to brush against yours. The action has you tilting your head upwards. His lips itch to touch yours, but they don’t they just hover, he still has more to say. And he wants to say it close enough for you to feel it. “If only you knew how I dreaded every morning and realized you weren’t next to me. Every time I just wanted to fly back home.”

“So, what stopped you.” You’re looking at his lips. his rosy and moist lips from how hard he’s been biting and licking on that. You wanna do that. You wanna kiss him, wanna be the only biting down on his lips.  you wanna do a lot of things right now. You wanna run your hands through his hair remind yourself of its texture, you wanna lift that sweater off, that holds his cologne so well, the earthy lavender scent, that crawls its way through your system. You wanna take that sweater off him, --feel, see—just how much that gym membership as proved itself valuable. You know you won’t be disappointed, jungkook loves the fucking gym.

“I don’t even know. But all I know is that it’s not gonna stop me anymore.” Him nudging his nose closer has you tilting your head to meet his lips. the air between you feels heavy. The feeling pulling your lips to meet. And when the do, it’s fervent. His kiss is urgent but slow, not wanting to be apart from you for a second.

 Your bodies are hooked together as Jungkook is moving you back into a wall. The kiss intensifies when he leans your head back with his hand around your neck. You’re gripping onto his sweater for support and breathing him in for life.

Jungkook clings onto your lips for life too, even if he needs to breath he doesn’t stop. You moaning into his mouth will suffice. He doesn’t know where to keep his hands. Should he use them to tilt your head back to deepen the kiss, (if he goes any deeper he’s gonna sink.) whilst he uses the other to pull you leg up by your thighs, his grip surely leaving crescent moons as decorations. He doesn’t know what to do with them. For the moment he uses them to pull he sweater over his head. You’ve been clawing at it to come off.

Now shirtless you can feel his skin for what you remember it to be silky-smooth. So delicate that you fear leaving scratch marks on him, but jungkook encourages it, he begs you to do it. Your hands roam his body, first his large back, muscles flexed, then down his firm chest then down to his defined midsection. “What am I to do with all this.” You say breathless.

“You tell me. It’s all yours.” Your lips are meeting again. Tongues tagging at each other. For some reason the rich, sweet and completely irresistible taste of chocolate lingers on your lips, but he loves it and is drinking it up.

Jungkook finds that his hands are better at gripping your thigh and lifting it to wrap around his waist. His core moves into you and you feel how hard he is against you. You’re thankful for his thin pajama pants.

Your hands pull at the root of his hair, though it’s shorter you make it work, making him groan into your mouth. You both can’t fucking breath at this point, which is the only reason you’re pulling away. Your heavy breaths brushing against each other.

“jungk-” you’re moaning for him to take you to bed but he’s steps ahead of you. Your feet don’t have to fret cause he’s lifting you by the thighs to lay you on the edge of the bed.

You lay back on the bed but legs on his shoulder, he’s kneeling between your legs. Your pants are still on but not for long. In a swift motion you’re left in your plain black panties. The ones with the little bow. He chuckles at the detail. When you see what he’s laughing at you get self conscious. Jungkook looks up at you confused why you’re closing your legs.

“I didn’t know we’d be in this position, so these are the one I brought.” You try to explain yourself cheeks blushing red. He doesn’t know why you’re so insecure about the detail. He loves them.

For a quick kiss he’s on his feet hovering over you. “it’s okay, I like my gifts wrapped in bows.” He smirks and the comment has you calling out his name in shock. peck. He’s back on his knees staring at your core. The bow is a detail he’ll miss but he’d gotta take them off. Fuck is all he can think when your cunt is right in front of him, wet. Is this where he’s meant to die, right in your cunt from suffocation cause he won’t be able to detach himself from you.

Your legs are planted on his shoulder, your ass just at the edge of the bed. When he first swipes his tongue through your folds, it takes you by surprise. Gosh you missed him being right there.

“fuck” you whimper the sound not being able to be masked. Your slick, probably mixed with his saliva, drips down your cunt, down his chin. His nose is so deep in it that some of your juices run up his nose. Is this how fucking cocaine sniffers feel?  He can’t wait till his cock is buried snuggly it. He sniffs in, on purpose this time, takin git once more. You grind on his face making him suck harder at your clit. You’re getting dizzy and gripping hard at the sheets. His nails dig into your thighs harshly, the pain causing pleasure.

Everything is so intense you can’t tell apart your orgasm. Fuck you can’t be coming this fast from just his tongue. Shit. “Jungkook. Don’t stop” You whine the intense feeling approaching quick, your walls tightening and fluttering around his tongue. Jungkook’s so carried away he only realizes you’re coming when your legs are shaking. He drinks everything that leaves and it’s only when you’re pulling his head back from overstimulation that he realizes he should take a breath. He’s starved can you blame him?

“you’re so gorgeous baby.” he says peppering kisses on your thighs. “Wanna do that again for me.” He’d absolutely would eat you out for a second time in a row. And you’d love that but you just want to feel him.

You’re moving up the bed and he’s hovering over you kissing your jaw. Your palms meet his ass in a teasing smack.

“Missed this ass.” You smile under him. jungkook just chuckles. you want to add on but his finger stuffing your tight cunt has you silent, gasping for air.

Jungkook smiles down at your pleasure strained face. “mm? not so talkative now?”

He thinks he’s got you. Then you slide down your hand down his abs, he knows where your hand travels and though it’ll destroy his ego, he lets you do it. “so big” you bite your bottom lip as you start stroking him, using your own juices as lubricate. He’s walls are falling. Your hand wrapped around him, has him burying his moans in the croak of your neck.

It’s a competition huh? he loves those second and fucking your cunt first.

You’re stroking him in his pants and he’s pumping his fingers in your cunt. He’s kissing you to hide his moans. It’s a fucking competition and he’s losing. He can’t lose. His hand leaves your cunt to grab at your wrist. You stop. He pulls you away from him. if you went on any longer, he’d be done for and the night wouldn’t end the way he wants. He hasn’t been touched in a year, unless it’s talking about those times you sexted, but it doesn’t count. It feels different when it’s your hands.

“why’d you do that?” you whine.

“If you did that you wouldn’t have gotten the orgasms I have left for you.” You don’t respond. you won’t argue, you do want them.

His fingers are back to pumping and even sooner than before your climax approaches. He wishes he could count just how much you flutter around his finger but he’s too busy looking at your face, pleasure written all over it. and its pride that fills him, knowing he’s the one giving it to you.

Jungkook moves away and you watch how he licks his fingers clean. The way he smiles at you after, is disgustingly hot.

“Take off your pants.” You tell him.

“You take off your shirt.” He reciprocates, you’d forgotten you’d even been wearing anything.

Jungkook is spoiled by the sight before him, your chest sprawled out for him to taste. So, he leans down and wraps his tongue around a nipple. His hand lost at the other side. You love all the foreplay, really, but you want him. you’ve been thinking about it for forever.

“Jungkook.” You call. He hums saying you have his attention. “I want you.”

There’s nothing more he wants.

“Want you too baby.” He says grabbing his cock and aligning it with your entrance. Then he remembers.

“fuck” he whispers. You sit up and wander what has him holding back.

“what?”

“I don’t have a condom.” He knows he doesn’t have one, it’d be weird, it’s not like he was coming on this trip expecting to fuck you.

“Why?” he stares at you confused.

“I didn’t expect fucking to be on the itinerary.”

Oh yeah, you laugh at himself.

“Do you?”

“Nope. Why would I have them.” He just shrugs his shoulders.

He’s gonna lose it. “Are you on the pill?” it’s his only option.

That’s when you shake your head. “Got off when we broke up.”

Okay so what is he gonna do, his cock hard and your cunt right in front of him.

“Jungkook come on you can pull out.” You whine pulling him forward.

She shakes his head. “god no. I almost lost my mind from your hand. It’d lose it in your pussy.” You smile, you shouldn’t be laughing cause you won’t be able to fuck. But you just can’t help but smile at the fact that he almost lost himself just from your hand. You’ve got no clue on what to do. You really need to fuck him.

“Wait--” he looks at you. “This is a lover’s cabin.” You say but he waits for you to elaborate and make sense.

“wouldn’t they have condoms in the cupboard or something.” He didn’t think of that.

So, as you stand you walk over to the cupboard roughly open it almost tipping it over. “Bingo!” you celebrate pulling out a long string of condoms. Your saving grace.

You carefully pull out one and toss it to jungkook.

“Relax aren’t they the one’s you usually use,” you say when you see the look on his face. They do look like they’ve just been purchased and placed. He’s so thankful right now. He leans against the head board and you watch how he gracefully he strokes himself and slips it on, your mouth drools but you’re too needy. You’ll do that another day.

“Come ride cow girl.” He welcomes you when he’s all done. You stretch your legs over him, centering yourself. His hands are quick to spread across your ass, landing a light tap.

He helps you centre himself at your entrance. His brows scrunch together when he feels your tight warmth slide down him. he definitely isn’t going to last long, maybe he’ll hold on till you come but after that is not promised.

His hand loosely holds at your throat, just enough to tilt it back slightly and leave wet kisses and marks everywhere on your skin.

You sliding up and down him feels great but he couldn’t help himself but move his fingers to touch your clit. In pure pleasure you’re wrapping your arms around him and kissing him. you love this position, how he nudges at your back, how intimate it feels, the way you’re so close after being so far away. The cold is barely in mind. Jungkook can’t express how much he’s missed you.

You love it.

But what you love more is how he pulls at your hair, just softly. “Love fucking my cock huh?” he asks but you’re unable to answer his hips jutting up into you with great speed. Jungkook could get carried away with the way your boob bounce but he chooses to say focus. “You like that huh?” he smirks but your eyes are closed, the pleasure of his intense strokes taking you out.

“Yeah, love fucking you kook.” You whimper out.

He’s thrusting harder and you’re moaning louder. “you look so pretty taking me baby. Wanna fuck you forever.”

You wish you.

Your body melts into his as you’re coming again, jungkook fucking into you for his own high which follows after yours. When he catches his breath, he’s laying you down and beside you just after throwing the filled condom.

“I’m gonna get the bath started.” He says planting a quick kiss on your shoulder.

You’re too drained to stand so when he’s back to come get you you’re dozing off. “come on baby I’ve got to get you cleaned up.”

You groan. “Then after a I can make you cocoa.”

“I’m so tired kook.” You whine.

“I knowww.” he coos. Next thing you know he’s lifting you, bridal style. “it’s okay I’ve got you.”

“Hmm. Don’t move.” Jungkook whines when you threaten to stand and start your day. You two have already slept in because of your late-night endeavours.

“I have to kook. We have so much for our day.”

“Ugh! Fine. But first give me your hand.” He demands the action has you confused but you give it to him. when he has it, he’s giving you a billion kisses. “I love you.” He doesn’t think it’s too soon cause—well he doesn’t know it just felt right to say.

“I love you too now let me go.” He makes sure not to unhand you until you say it more ‘meaningfully’ according to him.

---

You and jungkook decided to retry ice skating (you were hell bent on not going skiing.)

As you’re skating jungkook slides to the half wall, after telling you he has to take a call. You shoo him away after telling you’ll be fine alone (for the meantime).

“Any news?” jungkook was nervous when he got the call from Namjoon. This is a very important call from him, it determines what the hell he’s gonna choose. Quit or get transferred.

“Yeah. it’s been approved.” Jungkook is still for a moment.

“Seriously?” it almost feels like a dream.

“Yeah, had to do a lot of convincing but they agreed.” He’s so grateful for Namjoon. He’s gonna miss him. Jungkook looks over to you, gliding not great but better, and you’re smiling this time. So, he’s happy. You’re happy.

“Thank you, man,”

Namjoon smiles, he knows how much this means. “No problem.” The call cuts.

This just seals a lot “kook look out.” He pockets his phone and as he’s turning to you, you slam into him. You haven’t gotten to the knowing how to stop just yet. Maybe next time.

“You okay, baby.” He says holding onto you by your waist

You let out a dramatic breath that has him smiling. “Yeah, but I’m getting kinda tired.” You say out of breath and letting your weight fall into his arms.

“I’m getting hungry too.” You’ve spent a good amount of time ice skating so you decide to leave it for next time.

--

“what’s the plan for tonight.” He asks as you eat.

“Hmm. For the first time I don’t know.” You both laugh. “We could go out for dinner—ohhh the hot tub--.” You forgot about it cause none of you ever wanted to use it, honestly you didn’t even expect the place to have a hot tub.

“I like the sound of that.”

The steam of the hot tub hovers lazily on the surface of the water. The steam curls around jungkook as his gaze locks on you. Body dry cause you haven’t gotten in yet. You walk onto the deck, the dim but still bright enough lights radiant off your skin, as though the sun has come to pay him a visit at night.

His breath is caught.

The bikini hugs you in all the ways that made his thoughts falter, the curves of your body illuminated by the soft glow of the light. He swallows hard, his mouth dry despite being surround by water. You make him weak, so much that he looks only at you, even though your attention is else were. You try to find a place to hook your towels.

And then you turn around to smile at him in victory of finding a place to hang them. He nods acknowledging but no paying attention.

He leans back slightly, the water lapping at his shoulders as his eyes roam you, mesmerized. There’s some thing unworldly about you, something he can’t quite put into words. It wasn’t just the way you looked, that made him trip for you. It was the way you carried yourself, the way your body swayed as you moved closer to him.

His arms immediately reach out to envelope you. “Enjoying the view?” you tease, your voice relaxing into the tub and his warmth.

The chuckle he releases is low, “you know I am.”

Your giggle like a melody. You wrap your arms around him and he loses his stability for a second before regaining it. “careful.” He murmurs to you, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I might drown.”

“I wouldn’t want that.” you peck his lips.

You relax for a while just taking in the night and each other presence.

Jungkook has been meaning to ask, the question eating at his mind.  “Do you want to go back to Korea with me?” it sounds like a dumb question, you came together so you will be leaving together.

But the double meaning lies within and he’s desperate to know your answer.

“What are you saying?” you coo at him. “Aren’t we already going back together.” You’re talking about the tangible stuff, the tickets, the plane, the flying, even the landing and going home. But he doesn’t mean that.

After pecking your shoulder water sticking to his lips, he explains. “I don’t mean physically.”

You stare down at him eyes softening. “kook” you realize the seriousness of his question. And for a second jungkook senses scepticism. So, he panics.

“If it’s bout my job, I’m working on it.” His voice is quick.

That was a fear of yours, even more that he wouldn’t want to move. Jungkook has thought about it, the move was a rush decision he never spoke to anyone about it to ask their opinion or whatever. And honestly the move didn’t bring him much joy, besides the opportunity to adventure Jeju. But apart from that he was away from his family, his friends and you. Everything that made his life.

“Seriously?” you say more shocked than anything else.

“Yeah, Namjoon called me. My transfer got approved.”

 You gasp the water swashing from your movement. “don’t lie to me”

He laughs. “I’m not.”

“I thought you said getting it approved is hard.” You’re finding this so hard to believe.

“It is, I guess I got lucky.”

You squeal moving in to hug him.

“When did you start all this.” It’s along process so he had to start early.

“Honestly before we broke up. I wanted to surprise you if it got approved. But then-” you shush him from going on further.

“So, what would have you done if it didn’t get approved.” Your tone drops.

Jungkook sighs looking around in thought. “would’ve fucking quit.” it’s funny how easy the idea is for him, former him would have struggled with the question. “I’m tired of being so far from you.”

“Same.” He places a longer and soft kiss on your lips.

“So, you wanna go back with me?” His voice is playful, as he looks up at you through wet lashes.

“Mhm.” You smile, leaning slightly closer to him, your fingertips tracing lazy circles on his shoulder. “I wanna go everywhere with you.”

The words hang in the air for a moment, warm and intimate, as his lips lifts into a small, boyish grin. “We can arrange that.”

Jungkook doesn’t mind being patched to your side like a little purse dog. In fact, the way he leans into you now, his hand slipping around your waist as if it were second nature, says he’d prefer it. His thumb grazes your hip absentmindedly, a small gesture that feels both possessive and endearing.

“I’m gonna miss it.” you say leaning into Jungkook's shoulder with a pout. You wait patiently for your flight. “Feels like we just started the trip.”

Jungkook reaches over to cup your hand in his. He then interlocks your fingers and brings it to his lips; the action causes you to smile softly. He really likes to do that. It’d never been a trait of his before, so you’re intrigued, to why he does it all of a sudden. “We can come back one day. together.”

“Yeah together.” You reassure. You like this. Like having him with you.

[3 months later]

“Jimin if you’re gonna wear that to my fucking wedding you’re not coming.” You announce to a jimin too focused on the light blue suit he’s in. in the mirror you can spot his cheeky grin. He’s not gonna wear a freaking light blue suit, it’s not on the colour scheme, plus he doesn’t like how it makes him look.

He turns to look at jungkook who’s standing on his own pedestal looking into the mirror. Touching and teasing at the suit. “Jungkook you’re not gonna let her do that right?.” Jungkook just shrugs his shoulders at jimin. He’s not pleased with the answer. He knew the dude was down bad, but not this down bad. “Bro!”

“she’s the boss.” Jungkook raises his hands in surrender and you smirk in your seat.

“Come on man…standup.” he fists at Jungkook who just laughs. As Jimin is stepping out to get out of the suit (he stayed so long in it you thought he might actually want to wear it.) and get changed, you swat him with a magazine and he’s quick to running out not wanting you to land another hit.

Now alone in the dressing room you walk up to jungkook. You lean your chin on his shoulder, your hands finding there way to his chest. He welcomes them with his own. “You look so handsome.” Your voices hums sweetly by his ear. Jungkook lifts up both of your hands to place soft and warm kisses on them. The action has you blushing red. The ring on your finger and indication of why he liked to do it before. Plus, now, he just enjoys it., it makes you blush and he likes that.

“Mhm.” He hums against your wrists. “You like it?”

“I love it.” You take a hundredth glance at a preview of what he might wear at your wedding. If he chooses it’s what he wants. You love the cut on him. the colour complimenting his skin, and the style shows off his physique, not too much, but not too little. But all the buttons on the vest and shirt are gonna give you some trouble undoing.

Jungkook stares at you completely enamoured at the way you’re looking at it. You should be looking at him like that. “I think you might love the suit more than me.” He turns abruptly causing you to fall into his chest. He catches and keeps you stable with his firm hand on your lower back.

You place one hand on his chest and the other around his neck, bringing you much closer. “I might just.” Your lips could meet easily with how close you are. But you don’t move them and jungkook pouts at how you deny him the opportunity.

“I’m gonna take it off, not gonna let you love it more.” He nudges his nose with yours.

“Take it off.”

“Jeon Yn! I forgot how freaky you are.” You roll your eyes at how he’s already given you his last name, you like the sound of it though. Reminds you of how real this is, you’re not dreaming.

Trying to tease him more you move by his ear to whisper, “Not here though.”

Jungkook is biting his lower lip. “We should hurry then.” he moves to kiss your shoulder, your off-the-shoulder top giving him leeway to kiss your skin directly. He peppers more kisses from your shoulder to your neck before  you get carried away you’re prompting for him to turn around. He does, though reluctantly.

You giggle.

“Do you like it though?” your voice turns serious, as much as you like it and how you just want to see him in it the whole day. If he likes it matters.

“Yeah, it makes me look so…husband.” He smiles boyishly as he winks at you in the mirror.

“Oh-gosh.” You push yourself away from him to get back to your seat. You’re not gonna be here all day.

He turns to face you. Still standing on the pedestal. “When do I get to see you in your dress” His teeth play with his lip ring as he asks curiously. The thought of you in the gown exciting him.

“When I walk down the aisle.” You stare blankly, no room for discussion. And he doesn’t, you’ve been quite stern about him not seeing you in any bridal wear until the wedding. Which he doesn’t mind, he can wait.

“Make sure it’s a ball gown so that I can slip under and hide.” He gestures his hands to elaborate what he means.

You shake your head. It’s not your style, maybe when you were a child, but you’ve grown. “I’m not wearing a ball gown.”

Ditching the jacket, he places it next to you and stands closing your legs between his. He lowers himself so your nose is touching his. His arms trap you between him and the couch. You didn’t think he was not gonna get that kiss right? He kisses you softly, then again. Then a little harder the third time, this one lasting seconds longer. You hold on his waist for stability. He kisses you once more just for the sake.

“I’m very sure you’ll look divine in whatever you pick, baby.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: so that's that. I hope I've fixed your broken heart from I-redo. there are scenes that i couldn't fit in. Yes of course there are other activities they did, but if i wrote it all it would be boring and too long and would probably be pushed to next month. i wish i could've written more fluff but idk.

i will allow for story drabble request if you guys want that.

but yeah thanks, for reading, liking and commenting. much love. wishing you a happy new year.

story idea copyright of keen-li, 30.12.24