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someguynamedstevewrites · 5 years ago

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My Roommate is an Apparition: An Apparition A-Pink-ciation of Culture

Based on characters created by @reddpenn

From the diary of Lily:

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When I was little, I used to talk to my stuffed animals all the time. They were my soft, cuddly friends who were always there for me, and even though they never spoke a word, I always imagined I could hear what they wanted to say. Even as an adult, I still treat inanimate objects like they’re people too. In fact, everyone does at some point or another in their adult life. Anyone who has ever argued with their car that refused to start knows what I mean.

But recently, I realized that sometimes people can do... well the opposite. That sometimes we don’t treat people (who are actual, real people) like they’re people. It’s not something we consciously think about, but it’s more like we forget that, well, people are people. I know this sounds really dumb, but I felt like I needed to write about this after a... well after an “argument” I had with my roommate.

I’ve lived with my roommate for a few months now, and I thought I had gotten to know them pretty well. They like to watch cartoons (like, seriously LOVES them) and we had worked out a TV viewing schedule to make sure that we got along together. But the other day, I realized that I wasn’t necessarily treating them like they were their own person. I didn’t mean to do that, but it just kind of happened, and...

...well it gets really complicated because, technically, they aren’t a person.

I mean, they aren’t human; they’re an apparition.

It made me think about all those stories about monsters and ghosts. Like a ghost used to be human, but then they died, and their spirit became a ghost. Do we still treat the ghost like the person they were when they were alive? Outside of a few exceptions, the answer’s a definite yes.

But what about an apparition? It’s kind of like a ghost, but it’s not. I mean, it’s not the soul of someone who died or anything. They just sort of exist. (Would Slimer from Ghostbusters be an apparition or a ghost?).

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So anyway, reason I’m bringing this all up is because of what happened last weekend. I was channel surfing through the Cable Guide and as I’m flipping through, I pass by Boomerang (you know, the cable channel that spun-off Cartoon Network to hold all the older cartoons?) and all of a sudden, my roommate appears out of nowhere (literally) and practically grabs the remote out from my hands.

“Hey! What gives!?” I say to them.

They immediately change over to Boomerang and my TV screen is suddenly filled up with the color pink. At the same time, my roommate starts “doot-ing” along with the song and goes, “Doo-Doot! Doo-Doot! Do-Doot-Do-Doot-Do-Doot Do-Doot-De-Dooooooooo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doooot”. I have no idea what they’re doing, but then the cartoon starts up and it’s the Pink Panther.

Rhetorically, I go, “What’s this?”

“Pink... Panther...” my roomie says.

And then I make my first mistake by saying, “Huh. Never seen it before.”

Now if I had been paying attention to them, I probably would have seen the face of shock they were making. “You... NEVER... saw it!?” They gasped.

“Nope. Must have been before my time,” which was totally true. I mean, I later found out my Dad used to watch it when he was a kid. It wasn’t on TV when I was growing up. (Why am I defending myself for not watching a specific cartoon?)

Anyway, roomie asks, “Watch... with me?”

And then I, being a total dumbass, say, “Nah. Think I’ll get some dishes in,” before getting up and walking away.

If I had stayed put for just a few seconds longer, I would have heard them asking, “...please?” (In case you’re wondering, they told me about that later.)

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Yes, I hurt its feelings. Yes, it was insensitive. Yes, I am sorry. But like I said, the thought didn’t even cross my mind back then. As far as I knew, as long as my roommate had their cartoons, they were happy. It didn’t occur to me that they cared about anything other than the cartoons themselves.

For the next week, my roommate made sure I knew, now and forever, that this was not true.

My first clue that they were mad at me was later that evening when I went to the living room to watch my usual shows. It was my turn on the TV, and usually I have to pry my roommate away so I can watch what I want to watch. But that night, the instant I walked into the room, they changed the channel to what I wanted, put the remote down on the couch, and left the room without saying a word. I thanked them, plopped myself down, and went straight into couch potato mode.

This should have thrown so many red flags in my head, but for some reason, it didn’t. Maybe I was being too self-absorbed at the time? Maybe I was just tired and thinking, “Aww man, I gotta work tomorrow!”? No matter the excuse, mistakes were made, and I started paying for them the very next morning.

My “haunting” kicked off with waking up to find most of my rock collection missing. I have a particular affinity for pretty rocks and gems (I’m kind of a rock nerd) and have my favorites out on display. But that morning, the only rocks that I could see were the pink ones. Someone had pilfered almost every pebble from every pedestal to perturb me. (I saw a chance for alliteration and took it! So sue me!) I was still waking up and too tired to care about it at the time (me making excuses again) and had work, so I got ready to go and left.

Now I’m not sure how they did it, but my roommate did something to my car radio. I turn it on and all I get are tunes by Henry Mancini. Fifty percent of the time, it was the Pink Panther theme, twenty-five percent was the theme from A Shot In The Dark (I had to use Soundhound to figure out that one), and the rest was a mix of some of his other work. It didn’t matter what station I tried changing it to! Although I did learn that Mancini composed Baby Elephant Walk, so that’s something.

By now, I’d already figured out what was going on (roommate did it), but couldn’t really do anything about it because I still had work to go to. As if the daily grind working at an art supply store wasn’t hard enough, I had to work while having the dang Pink Panther theme stuck in my head all day. Not even the music that played over the store radio could get rid of it. (Given the quote un-quote “music” they play over the speaker system, I eventually considered it a good thing.)

Then I came home, and that’s when things REALLY escalated. First words out of my mouth after I walked in was, “Hey, I’m hoooOOOOOLY~!” Every single wall in the apartment, from the living room, to the kitchen, to the bedroom, and even the bathroom...

PINK!

All of them were painted PINK!

Like strawberry frosted doughnut pink!

As I’m gawking at the interior design sugar rush nightmare, out walks my roommate from around the corner. Immediately, the first thing I noticed was that they had feet. (Normally, they don’t have feet; they just kind of “hover” or “emerge from the ground” or something.) They had their eyes closed, head held up, and made a point of showing off these noodle legs they had constructed by skipping every other three steps.

They were doing the Pink Panther shuffle.

They walk out of my line of sight and I run over to have a word with them, but by then they disappeared. I look around and all I see is more and more pink. From behind me, I hear a mix of snickering slash wheezing. Like you ever hear of this cartoon dog named Muttley? They were laughing like him. And of course, I turn around, and the only thing I see is more pink!

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I knew that my roommate could be ornery at times, like that time I tried to get an idea of their daily routine by setting up a webcam, but this...

I mean, where did she even get the paint? (Upon reading back here, I realized I referred to them as a ‘she’ even though I’m not sure if they are a ‘she’ or not. Yeah, I can edit it to a more neutral pronoun, but something tells me I ought to point this out instead of editing it, for some reason.)

I was half tempted to get back at them by painting the walls back to their original color (they do sell paint by the gallon where I work, and I get the employee discount), but realized they’d just paint(?) the walls pink again. Like I’d turn around after thinking I finished only to find the work I did completely undone. I could just picture my roommate doing that and finding it hysterical.

Anyway, tacky as the pink walls were, I didn’t get too angry about them. For starters, my lease agreement said that I couldn’t paint the walls without landlord approval. But my lease agreement also acknowledges that my apartment may be haunted. If the landlord ever brought it up, I’d just tell them the “ghost” did it. Second, these pranks my roommate was pulling were kind of amusing and didn’t really bother me that much. (I mean sure, I wanted my rock collection back but I doubted my roommate would have thrown them away. They know how much they mean to me.)

The one thing I was putting my foot down on was that I wasn’t going to ask my roommate what was wrong. I got the hint, sure, but I wanted them to know that if something is bothering them, they need to, y’know, actually say something instead of leaving spooky pink clues. They were being a butt, and my hope was that when they saw how much the pink wasn’t bothering me, then they’d finally open up. This went on for about a week with me going about my daily routine only to be surprised by the occasional pink interruption.

Like on Wednesday, I go to the fridge to get something to drink, and all I find in there is Pink Lemonade. It actually wasn’t that bad, but I have no idea how my roommate actually got it given that they never leave the apartment. Thursday, I get a notification saying a package arrived, and find my roommate used my debit card to order the entire Pink Panther cartoon series on DVD. And earlier on Tuesday, I got a call from my landlord asking if I knew why someone had called in an order, in their name, to have Owens Corning insulation installed. In case you weren’t aware, that’s the pink insulation who has “you can guess who” as their mascot.

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So, Friday rolls around, and by now, the entire apartment is pink. Like EVERYTHING. The furniture, the electronics, the toilet, the sink, the appliances, the TV, and everything in between has been made pink somehow. I’m not sure who out there still makes pink toilet paper, but apparently my roommate has either some special powers I don’t know about yet, or they got connections.

At this point, since my roommate had yet to approach me about “The Pink-ening”, I began playing the reverse-psychology card. I came home and got to making dinner. While some of this was a bit more expensive than what I usually spend on food, I figured it was worth it if it meant getting my roommate to talk to me. My menu included delicious smoked pink salmon, some crab linguine with a nice amount of pink to it for a side dish, and some mashed red potatoes that turn out nice and pink if you got the right recipe. To wash it down, I picked up a glass of pink lemonade from the fridge, and in the freezer, some strawberry sorbet.

I get down to eating at my pink table, with a pink wooden chair, pink napkins, pink silverware, pink glass of pink lemonade. It took a little more effort to put this together, but I made an exaggerated point of showing off how good this pink meal was and how much I was just enjoying all this pink.

About halfway into my meal, I get a feeling that someone’s standing behind me. It’s hard to put into words how you know someone’s there especially since my roommate doesn’t really eat or breath. It’s like the hairs on the back of your neck become sensitive like cat whiskers and can just... feel that someone’s there. Usually sends a chill down my spine when that happens, but this time, I was ready and waiting for it.

“Care to join me for dinner?” I say without turning around. If I had, they probably would have vanished on me again like they had been doing all week.

“Looks... good...” they say in their ever so familiar by now raspy voice.

“Got something you want to talk about?” I ask between bites. There’s a brief pause as my roommate thinks to themselves.

“...yes,” they finally answer.

“Okay. Pull up a chair! It’s been a while since we just, y’know, talked and stuff,” which was true.

The instant I said that, I realized that even before the “week of pink” began, we hadn’t spent a whole lot of time together outside of our usual TV time. I had long since figured out that my roommate wanted me to watch Pink Panther with them, but I just thought they wanted to show it to me to show off how (subjectively) good the cartoon was. Only then did it hit me that they wanted me to watch it with them because they wanted to watch it together with me. It was like they were hoping for some roommate bonding time or something like that.

Now, it wasn’t like we weren’t talking to each other before this. I greeted them whenever I saw them, and let them know whenever I came home or was leaving. but we hadn’t actually talked, like... “talk-talk” in a few weeks. Instead, the conversations over the last few weeks were like the kind of conversations a person would have with their pet cat or pet dog. Like you’d talk to them, but not really expect an answer from them.

I had been treating her like a pet more than a person. (Did it again! I’m thinking I’ll ask them later what kind of pronouns they’d like me to use, or if they’ve even given any thought towards gender or anything).

My guess is that my roommate picked up on this themselves, and just like a disobedient pet who is bored, lonely, or other, they made a mess of the place. Maybe they were thinking that if I was going to treat them like a pet, they would act like one too?

Of course, I didn’t mean to treat them like that. I don’t think anyone really does mean it when they do. It just kind of happens without thinking about it. The whole reason I’m writing this down here in you, diary, is so that I can make a mental note slash reminder to be careful of doing that kind of thing. It’s especially important to remember when interacting with other people, like my co-workers or the store customers. (Unlike my roommate, they can’t get on my case by making my entire apartment pink.)

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Now where was I? Oh yeah, our talk. I think I remember the most important bits of it. It went something like:

“So, whaddya wanna talk about?” I ask between bites of food.

“Pink...” they say to me. I wait a moment, expecting them to say “panther” after that, but it when it doesn’t arrive, I step in.

“Yeah! Pretty amazing what you did with the place! I didn’t know things could even get this pink!” which was one-hundred percent true.

“...Thank...you...” they say with a smile. I can tell that was not the answer they were expecting as I could have swore they turned and blushed. Although I couldn’t tell because of how pink everything else was.

“Although,” I add, “I don’t think the landlord is going to like the apartment being this pink. If it stays like this, they might kick me out. And we wouldn’t want that, right?”

Now my roommate, the apparition, actually looks shocked for a moment. The thought hadn’t entered their head, and for a moment, they looked a little scared. “N-n-n-no...” they stuttered.

“Well, I’m sure together, we can get this place back to the way it was before the next time they have an apartment inspection. Whenever that is,” I reassure them.

“Yeah...” my roommate nods.

“Say I got some time off this upcoming weekend. Want to watch some Pink Panther with me?” (Oh my God, you should have seen the smile on my roommate’s face when I asked this.) “I see I have the DVD collection now, apparently,” I say with a wink, “and we can even watch the movies together too.”

“...movies?” they ask.

“Yeah, the Pink Panther was a movie first before it became a cartoon. It was a live-action movie, but... well some of it’s like a cartoon here and there. Lots of slapstick comedy that I think you might like.” They were practically beaming and agreed immediately.

After Friday’s dinner, we watched some of the cartoons (which are actually pretty funny) and for the upcoming weekend, we’re doing a Pink Panther movie marathon with cartoons mixed in to spice it up. I also found out that my roommate doesn’t just watch the cartoons, but actually knows a thing or two about them. Like how Friz Freleng, one of the directors and creative minds behind the original Looney Tunes cartoons, was involved in the Pink Panther’s creation along with a new studio after he left Warner Brothers. I don’t know how my roommate came to know so much, but it’s pretty cool.

Anyway, I got me some sweet, pink treats to snack on during the movie marathon. The apartment is still pink as can be, but my roommate said they’ll take care of it once the marathon’s over. Exactly HOW they plan to take care of it, I have no idea. Oh well. No use pinking too hard about it.

(HA!)

#my roommate is an apparition #Tulpa #fanfiction #reddpenn #Pink Panther

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a-hidden-weeb-an-open-queer · 3 years ago

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Yo whores, bros, and other nonbinary folks, Naruto? Yeah that shit is shit. Sorry >.<

Big shocker when I say this, but the systems in Naruto make little to no sense. From the hospital system to the education system, all of it SUCKS.

And one of the biggest offender is ANBU - yea those bitches.

ANBU are suppose to be the eliet, the best of the best, the type of soldiers that follow all orders and can kill with their pinkies.

Woah. Weird. Because what we get are little pussies.

In order to keep my sanity, I've convinced myself that it's done on purpose - because pointing out bad writing is more boring then desperately trying to excuse bad writing in the form of head canons and theories.

You cannot tell me otherwise that the ANBU was created by a drunk Hashirama and everyone just went, "you got it, boss man."

The system is so deeply flawed that it's getting soldiers killed - good soldiers. And when you run out of quality, you replace it with quantity.

The ANBU is built to accept the highest portion of people who are willing to sell their souls to their government. The way to do this is easy, you make the test easy - that's right, it's all a lie hoes.

Now, how do I know that Hashirama drunkly came up with this system? Well...i dont because SOMEONE doesn't give us good historical backstories - but I theorize this is how it went down.

BECAUSE NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE.

First of all, why the masks?

"B-but Weeb-san, the masks are to identify and give a persona to ANBU soldiers"

Incorrect, ignorant fake person who I made up for this argument.

You see, you don't want your unidentifiable ops to be...identify. We know that ANBU ops keep the same mask all throughout their career, so what's stopping a gossiping citizen from recognizing the same ANBU? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I bet my whole ass that there would be an underground Bingo book about ANBU ops, because oh, look at that: All it takes is a single person to record an ANBU's mask and abilities to completely nullify the whole point of ANBU.

The people who need to be identifying the ANBU are the same people who allowed to know the identities of ANBU - making the whole mask system fucking pointless.

Now, look, I'll admit that the whole 'adopting a persona to make you feel less shitty about murdering an entire family' is a valid argument - IF their personas wasn't so obvious.

So here's what you should do to fix it:

Keep the mask idea, but have them all be the same.

Keep the personable names, but allow them to be assigned by an overseeing captain or be personally choose - it's important to have these names to be personal and not just numbers; an easy way to forget who you are and going insane is by being completely stripped of who you are.

Oh. By the way, it's super easy to identify people outside of ANBU masks.

An example: when Kakashi was in ANBU, his hair and voice was unchanged.

How the fuck did no one go: "huh, it might be easy to identify this literal child genius based off his squeaky voice and weird ass hair. We should probably hide it with THE LITERAL HUNDREDS OF JUTSU THAT WERE CREATED EXACTLY FOR THIS REASON."

Oh, and right, let's not forget the tattoos.

No, you didn't hear me incorrect: the organization that no one is suppose to be aware that you're apart of gives you a tattoo. A tattoo. Right.

Can you guess where they're suppose to go? That's right bitch, on the shoulder. Right. Sure. Okay.

What, are ANBU suppose to fuck with their shirt on for the rest of their life? Oh sorry, I forgot the ANBU actively discourages having a life outside of being mindless shoulder because that's defiantly not a recipe for disaster - my bad.

"Oh but Weeb-san this is so they can assure that no one can copy and pretend to be an ANBU."

Yes, yes, I'm aware that the ANBU typical unform shows the shoulders. That's great. Sadly, there is a magical system in place which literally have zero limitations - looking at you space rabbit. Trust me, a tattoo is not the solution here.

So how do we fix this:

Add seals to the back of the mask to make it A.) Impossible to remove without the correct hand seals (which should change weekly btw) B.) Makes all voices monotone and androgynous.

Use the magic system. Please for fucks sake, use it. Everyone should have the same appearance; looking badass isn't an excuse for being a dumbass.

The tattoo system is in place to avoid the ANBU from being infiltrated. Allow me to quickly say: infiltrating ANBU will have to be done by someone who has inside information - the ANBU literally have their own sign language. Plus, I'm sure the members are close enough to realize when someone isn't suppose to be there. Overall, the tattoo system is fucking pointless. Just get rid of it.

Some headcanons~

Therapy. Seriously. There should be a mandatory check up every three months. You're telling me we have a whole clan who specialize in mental health and we aren't going to use them? Fucking dumbass.

ANBU headquarters should hold everything a person would need: sleeping quarters, cafeteria, medic area, and rec area. For most ANBU this is a life style; it makes no sense to force PTSD riddle, lonely soldiers into normal population unless they actively choose it.

I do believe this is cannon-ish, but teams should created for a single specialization.

There should be captain and co-captain; this is just to assure that a dumbass decision isn't made. Or teams should have a voting system.

Retirement should be encourage. Shocker, but having a useless teammate is very dangerous. If someone is incapable of continuing in ANBU they should be discharged and put into a different branch where they can be even more useful.

ANBU should be a very respectful position and shouldn't be taboo to talk about or anti-famous. This is less about the organization and more about how the public perceives them - I just find it very weird that being ANBU isn't idolized by children or lower ranked shinobi.

I defiantly forgot a few points, but honestly who gives two shits? I'll just edit it later lmao.

See you later, sexy mamas~

Xoxo

#i wrote this for me fuck y'all #sorry that was mean #kindly fuck y'all #naruto #naruto rant #anbu #anbu makes no sense sorry babes #yes i did write this full rant because im a weeb who writes fanfiction #whats it to you?#i drank three coffees and its almost 12 am #headcanon #author doesnt know the difference between cannon and canon and refuses to google it #revisting your childhood animes and pointing out why they are shit #wow this was long #i regret nothing but my ability to write #point put my flaws and i will stab you #love you all

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ncfan-1 · 5 years ago

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Rhea’s Twelve Children

Okay. I said I was gonna chew on this once I was finished playing Silver Snow. Welp, I’ve finished playing Silver Snow, and good grief, did I get something to chew on.

[CN/TW: Unethical experimentation, attempted death of personality, abuse (and this holds true regardless of what you think the origins of the twelve to be)]

(I don’t don’t call my avatar ‘Byleth,’ but since this is a general meta post, I’ll be calling her ‘Byleth’ simply for clarity.

And obviously, if you think of Rhea as a benevolent person with benevolent goals—I don’t, and you should take that into account before reading any further. If Mobile fucks up again and eats the Read More in the Mobile version of this post, I’m sorry, and please just scroll past.)

Up there is what is effectively Rhea’s deathbed confession in Silver Snow. She relates how she created twelve people to serve as vessels for Sothis, only for each attempt to end in failure. Then, she talks about how, when Byleth was born, her mother was dying and Byleth herself appeared to be either dying or stillborn, and that she used Sothis’s Crest Stone to revive her—and that later, she tried to use Byleth the way she had tried to use the twelve who came before her.

It is, at present, unclear as to whether the twelve were Rhea’s biological children, or people she created via magic. To me, I think the former explanation is by far the most likely. Verdant Wind is the only route I haven’t gotten through, and while I know that one is lore-heavy, it seems to have a lot more to do with the general (true) history of Fódlan than with Byleth’s origins and how those origins play into Rhea’s machinations. The only person who seems to have had the power to create life by such means as Rhea would have had to in order to have literally “created bodies” is Sothis, and Rhea doesn’t have Sothis’s powers. I have thus far read nothing in this game to suggest that there is magic that can create a person. Given the lack of evidence pointing in any other direction, the simplest explanation is the one most likely to be true: these twelve people were Rhea’s biological children, brought into the world via sexual reproduction, and she refers to them as “created bodies” in an attempt to distance herself from them as much as possible.

And even if they aren’t her biological children, even if she clearly does not regard them as such, these people were Rhea’s children in one sense of the word or another. Biological children or created via magic, she gave them life.

So. Rhea had twelve children, and each time she had one, she brought them into the world with the intent of snuffing out everything that made them who they were so that she could give her mother’s soul a body to pilot and use to interact with the physical plane again. Twelve times, she did this, and never seriously thought she should stop. Well, more like thirteen.

She doesn’t regard these people as her children; this much is clear from the outset. She consistently refers to them as “failures”, unable to resist the urge to objectify them and reduce everything that they were down to the base function for which she brought them into this world—and to imply that everything they were was meaningless in the face of their being unable to be what she wanted them to be. It is, at best, unclear as to what just happened to these people once Rhea realized that their bodies wouldn’t be able to act as vessels for Sothis. Byleth’s mother was still very young when she died—depending on the time of year when she was born, she was either nineteen or twenty—and Rhea, as we have seen, is murderously possessive of Sothis’s Crest Stone.

I can’t speak much on this since we have basically no information on how she responded when she finally realized that each of the children were unable to become vessels for Sothis. Nemesis was slain in Imperial Year 91, and the game starts in Imperial Year 1180. That’s 1,089 years; divided by 12, that’s 90.75 years. Even if you assume Rhea waited a while before her first try at resurrecting her mother, that’s more than enough time for each of them to have died of old age and/or natural causes, and for Rhea to simply harvest the Crest Stone after their deaths. The fact that we know at least one of them died at the ripe old age of twenty (at the oldest) gives us even more leeway. We don’t know what happened to each of the eleven who preceded Byleth’s mother when Rhea realized that they wouldn’t be able to fulfill the role she created them to fill. We likely never will.

Rhea probably didn’t kill them, but she certainly didn’t view them as people in their own right, and certainly not as anyone to be truly cherished for who they were. They were, after all, “failures.”

This, on its own, is completely unconscionable. I don’t know what else to call having twelve children (or creating twelve children by means other than the typical), and then trying to snuff out everything they are so their bodies can be used as a vessel for another soul to interact with the physical plane without going into phrasing that could pass into the realm of deliberately inflammatory. All of the stuff Rhea did in the past in regards to the twelve was unconscionable, but let’s talk about what she did to #13.

It is established that Rhea saved Byleth’s life by implanting Sothis’s Crest Stone into her heart as a newborn. If that is where she had stopped, I would be able to say, without reservation, that this was a purely altruistic act. I would be able to say that it was a benevolent act. How else do you describe someone resorting to drastic measures to save a newborn’s life, if it doesn’t involve selling their soul to a demon or something?

But that’s not where this story ended.

Jeralt notes in his diary that both he and newborn Byleth have been put under surveillance by the church; he had to fake the baby’s death and take advantage of her utter silence to successfully smuggle her out of the monastery. Rhea had no intention of letting Byleth slip out from her grasp, and the fact that she doesn’t even try to feed Jeralt some edited version of what happened, doesn’t try to forestall his worries with an edited story of what happened when Byleth was born, doesn’t speak of someone who’s particularly willing to cooperate with Jeralt in the raising of this child. Her intent, her sole intent, is to make sure Byleth isn’t taken out from under her gaze. Or, to be more accurate, to ensure that her mother’s Crest Stone isn’t carried off to where she can’t retrieve it from.

When Jeralt and Byleth are brought back to the monastery at the start of the game is where Rhea starts her nearly year-long campaign of aggressively grooming Byleth to ensure that she trusts Rhea as much as possible, is as compliant to Rhea’s wishes as possible. Though the term ‘grooming’ is often used to describe sexual abuse, it doesn’t have to be sexual in nature, and in this case, I can’t think of a better way to call what Rhea is doing.

Rhea shows Byleth an unusual amount of favor right from the start, by making her a professor at the Officers Academy, which is a prestigious position and would, as Seteth points out, never usually be given to a young stranger who hasn’t been thoroughly vetted and whose qualifications haven’t been extensively verified. She is constantly complimentary towards Byleth, and entrusts her, a near-stranger, with the Sword of the Creator, even though it is a weapon both hugely important to the Church of Seiros and incredibly dangerous in the wrong hands. Their supports take place in Rhea’s bedchamber, far away from prying eyes. Rhea often sends Jeralt out of the monastery on long-term missions. It’s noted over and over again, by multiple people, that Rhea treats Byleth very differently than how she treats everyone else, and that Byleth has definitely been receiving special treatment.

Rhea spent a year aggressively grooming Byleth, trying to cultivate their absolute trust as quickly as possible. All of this, to ensure that when Rhea asked Byleth to sit on Sothis’s throne, to do the thing she confidently assumed would snuff out everything that made Byleth who they were, Byleth would do it with no fuss, and no hesitation.

So. Twelve times she had children she intended to turn into her mother, but thirteen times she’s tried to turn someone into her mother, after all.

Not once did it occur to her that maybe she should stop.

And yeah, she expresses apparently genuine remorse when explaining all this to Byleth in Silver Snow, but it’s easy to be remorseful when you’re on your deathbed. It’s easy to be remorseful for your wrongdoings when you know you’re not going to be around to experience the consequences of them for much longer. I’m not saying it’s not genuine. I’m saying it’s not terribly meaningful. And even here, Rhea was talking to Byleth with the intent of achieving a goal, her goal being to ensure that Byleth would accept the responsibility of ruling over Fódlan after she herself was gone. She told the truth, but because it was the only card she had left to play.

Yeah, Silver Snow gave me a lot to chew on, alright.

#Fire Emblem Three Houses #Fe16 #Meta #Rhea Fe16 #Byleth Fe16

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percussiongirl2017 · 5 years ago

Text

No Deals

Title: No Deals

Characters: Younger Sister!Winchester x Sam, Younger Sister!Winchester x Dean, Castiel, Gabriel, Lucifer, Balthazar

Summary: Sam and Dean’s denial leads to some divine intervention.

Word Count: 2,258

Warnings: Character death, Depression, Angels getting involved, Fluff

Square Filled: Angel Grace for @spngenrebingo

A/N: This is a reposting of an old fic, but it has been heavily edited. Any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated. Tags are open.

Buy Sam, Dean, Castiel, Lucifer, Heaven, and Hell’s Scent Here!

******

You would think with all of the deaths the Winchesters had experienced one more wouldn’t change anything. Who knew the death that would make them crack would be the death of their little sister, Y/N.

*Earlier*

“If there are too many, you need to run, Y/N.” Dean ordered.

“I’m not leaving you guys.” You said.

“He’s right.” Sam agreed. “You’re a great hunter, but this isn’t like our other hunts. If we tell you to run, you run and don’t look back. Understand?”

“Yeah.” You huffed.

The trio stood in the center of the abandoned building waiting for something to happen. Castiel appeared before the group with a grim look on his face.

“They’ll be here any second.” He frowned.

“Get ready.” Dean said.

You heard hear them coming for the door before it flew off the hinges. In poured about 20 demons in all shapes and sizes. With the help of Cas, you attacked the group head on. You plowed through the first few without a problem. Then the demons wised up and tried to separate you from Sam and Dean.

“Y/N!” Dean yelled.

“I got her, Dean!” Cas called before appearing by your side and fighting the cluster of demons.

A yelp sounded beside Cas and he saw you hit the ground. You stood up with blood dripping down the side of your mouth before going after your attacker. Sam and Dean had mowed down their circle and was joining you and Cas. Both boys had minor cuts and bruises as they helped finish off the last of the demons.

It came down to you and the last demon, but he was faster than you thought. His blade was buried in your abdomen before any of you could react. The demon smoked out as you slowly sank to the ground with blood soaking your shirt. Sam reached you first and pulled your head into his lap as your hands pressed against the wound.

“I’m fine.” You insisted. “It’s just a scratch.”

Dean knelt down beside you and removed your bloodstained hands while Sam pressed his flannel to the wound. Castiel moved beside Dean and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s bad.” He whispered.

“Shut up, Cas. She’ll be fine.” Dean snapped. “Can’t you heal her?”

He shook his head. “The damage is too extensive. I’m so sorry.”

Dean tried not to cry as the meaning of Cas’ words sank in. They couldn’t lose you.

“Hey.” You said weakly.

Dean moved closer to hear you as you tried to wipe his tears away.

“Don’t cry.” You said. “I’m okay.”

You removed Sam’s hand from your stomach and clasped it in one of your own. You also reached for Dean’s hand and held it.

“I’m not scared of dying.” You commented. “If it’s my time to go, then I have to go.”

“Don’t say that.” Sam sobbed. “You’re not gonna die.”

You looked up at him. “Sam, I know how bad my injuries are.”

You started coughing up blood as you struggled to breathe. Dean could see tears lining your eyes.

“You have to make me a promise.” You gasped.

“Anything.” Dean said.

“No deals.” You stated. “No selling your soul or anything to bring me back. Understand?”

Sam and Dean nodded reluctantly. “We promise.”

“Castiel.” You managed to say.

“Yes, Y/N?” He answered.

“Watch over my brothers for me.” You tried to laugh.

“I will.” He promised.

It was getting harder for you to breathe. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too, Y/N.” The boys replied.

You looked over at Dean. “It’s not your fault or Sam’s fault. Don’t blame yourself.”

You gave their hands a final reassuring squeeze before taking a deep breath. Your body became still in Sam’s arms. Sobs racked through the boys’ bodies as they realized their sister was gone.

*Present*

After giving you the hunter’s funeral you deserved Sam and Dean disappeared from the hunting world. Dean spent more time in his room drunk or throwing things around the garage. Sam had secluded and buried himself in research and books just to avoid human interaction. They never left the bunker anymore unless they needed food or Dean was at the bar. Castiel would visit from time to time and to make sure Dean hadn’t destroyed his liver with alcohol or to make sure that Sam had remembered to eat. It’s like they had literally lost the will to live. Four months had passed and Cas had finally had enough of babysitting the Winchesters so he devised a plan. He contacted what brothers were still speaking to him: Gabriel, Balthazar, and Lucifer in order to execute his plan.

“Are you sure, Castiel?” Gabriel questioned. “I’m going to have to pull a lot of strings upstairs to get this to work.”

“Look at them, Gabe.” Castiel said. “They’ve been stagnant since her death. They’ve lost the will to go on because they blame themselves. Both of them are going to end up dead if we don’t do something.”

“He’s right, Gabriel.” Lucifer agreed. “The Winchesters are actually of great use to us. Right now they are just causing more work for us while they wallow in depression and liquor.”

“What do you think, Balthazar?” Gabriel asked.

“I agree with Castiel, Brother.” He stated. “The girl was important to them. To be honest, I miss her company as well. She was one of the few that understood what we have to do.”

“If I recall correctly, Castiel, Y/N said no deals or anything to bring her back.” Gabriel pointed out. “She made the boys promise.”

Castiel shrugged. “She didn’t make me promise.”

Gabriel sighed. “Very well. I’ll see what I can do. Go back to the Winchesters. At least tell them to shower or something in case this plan actually works.”

“Thank you, Brothers.” Castiel said to the group. "I appreciate the help."

The other angels disappeared leaving Cas alone with Gabriel. Before he could leave, Gabriel stopped him.

“There will be a price to pay.” He warned. “I’m not sure what it will be, but everything comes at a cost.”

“I know.” Cas replied. “I’ll pay the price if it gets her back.”

“Balthazar is right though.” He laughed. “She was one of the few that understood what angels do and could keep a conversation going.”

With that he disappeared and Cas returned to the bunker. Sam was in the library buried in books with his head on the table.

“Sam.” He called.

“Huh?” He mumbled while sitting up.

“Have you eaten, Sam?” Cas asked.

“Yeah.” He said while running a hand through his greasy hair.

“Get cleaned up.” Cas ordered. “We’re expecting company.”

“Who?” Sam asked.

“Just some friends of mine.” Cas said while walking out of the room.

He opened Dean’s door to find him passed out among empty beer bottles. Sighing, Cas made his way over to Dean’s wasted body.

“Dean.” He announced.

No response from Dean.

Cas placed a hand on his shoulder and willed him awake. “Dean!”

“What?” He muttered while rubbing his forehead.

“Sober up and get cleaned up.” Cas said. “We have people stopping by soon.”

He left Dean to get up while he walked around the bunker and picked up trash and other discarded items. He ran into Sam and helped him return all of the books to their rightful shelves.

“What friends of yours are we expecting?” Sam asked.

“A few of my brothers.” Cas replied. “They have a surprise for us.”

“This sounds bad.” Dean grumbled while stumbling in the room. “They never have good surprises.”

“This one is good.” Cas promised.

Before either man could respond to him Gabriel appeared.

“Cassy, a word please.” He smiled.

They left the brothers to finish cleaning while they walked outside.

“Were you able to bring her back?” Castiel asked.

“Yes.” Gabriel answered. “I spoke with our other brothers and sisters and we agreed that Y/N should be brought back for the sake of Sam and Dean’s well-being as well as the fact that now things will get done.”

“And…” Lucifer suddenly appeared. “I get my second favorite Winchester back.”

“You know she’s going to be pissed, right?” Gabriel questioned Cas. “She made it clear that deals weren’t to be made for her.”

“She’ll be okay with it.” Cas confirmed. “When she finds out what Sam and Dean have been doing for the last four months…Well… She might be pissed then.”

Suddenly Balthazar appeared with you by his side. You looked around confused before stopping on the group of angels.

“Boys.” You stated. “What the hell is going on?”

“You’re alive!” Lucifer exclaimed.

“No shit Sherlock, but how and why?” You snapped.

“We brought you back.” Gabriel answered while gesturing to the other angels.

“Why?” You asked. “Cas, I made you guys promise that no deals would be made.”

“No.” Cas replied. “You made Sam and Dean promise. You just told me to watch over them.”

“You’re needed more than you think.” Balthazar added.

“What do you mean?” You asked. “Is there something wrong with my brothers?”

“Let’s just say your brothers haven’t exactly bounced back from your death.” Lucifer explained.

You took a shaky breath. “Castiel, you said you would watch over them.”

“And I have.” He answered. “I can’t change the way they grieve or how long they grieve. I can only make sure that they eat and don’t do anything to get themselves killed.”

“Your brothers are fine right now.” Gabriel insisted. “We also brought you back because honestly you’re the only hunter that puts up with angels. We miss having someone who will call us on our bullshit.”

“I feel so loved.” You said sarcastically. “Do Sam and Dean know I’m alive?”

“Not yet.” Balthazar sang.

“We planned on surprising them.” Lucifer explained.

“Come on.” Castiel said while walking back inside.

You followed the line of angels into the bunker. Castiel and Gabriel walked into the library leaving you with Lucifer and Balthazar in the hallway.

“So what’s this surprise you were talking about?” Dean asked.

“It’s something that will help you two get off your asses and get back to hunting.” Gabriel sassed.

“What’s the point in hunting?” Sam questioned. “We couldn’t even save our own sister.”

“You know she would be pissed if she saw the two of you acting this way.” Cas informed them.

“Well she can’t see us because she’s DEAD!” Dean snapped. “Why does it matter what she would think? It’s not like she can say anything.”

“Yes, I can.” You announced.

You walked out between Lucifer and Balthazar as Sam and Dean instantly backed up with bewildered looks.

“Sur-prise!” Lucifer exaggerated.

“What the hell?” Sam said confused.

“I said the same thing.” You laughed.

“Is this some kind of sick joke?” Dean shouted.

“No, Dean.” Cas explained. “I went to my brothers and pulled some strings.”

“We had a good reason for bringing her back.” Gabriel added.

“Other than being my second favorite Winchester,” Lucifer continued, “she kept you two in line and motivated.”

“And as much as it pains us to say this,” Balthazar chimed in, “we need your help to keep the world in order.”

You stepped towards your brothers. “I told you not to blame yourselves.”

“You’re our sister.” Sam stated. “It’s our job to protect you and we didn’t. You literally died because we didn’t move fast enough.”

“Sam, I don’t blame you or Dean for what happened.” You said. “I asked Cas to watch over you guys because I knew in my heart that you would blame yourselves. I wanted you two to move on not wallow in depression and alcohol.”

You walked over and pulled the boys into a hug.

“I didn’t realize how much we depended on you.” Dean admitted.

You laughed. “I never knew how much I was needed.”

“More than you’ll ever know.” Sam smiled and hugged you tighter.

You turned and faced the angels. “I owe you guys.”

“Don’t sweat it.” Gabriel said. “We were happy to bring you back.”

“Even angels need someone to lean on sometimes.” Lucifer smirked before disappearing.

Balthazar stood next to Gabriel. “Let’s us know when you’re ready to work again.”

With that the duo disappeared leaving the Winchesters and Cas in the library.

“Thank you, Cas.” You said. “For everything.”

“Any time.” The blue eyed angel smiled before disappearing.

Both Winchesters were suddenly slapped on the back of the head.

“Ow!” They whined. “Why did you do that?”

“Because you two are idjits.” You laughed.

“So we maybe we didn’t handle this too well.” Dean said.

You glared at him.

“Okay.” Sam corrected him. “We didn’t handle it well at all.”

You shook your head. “That’s why you’re my idjits. No one else can put up with y'all’s bullshit.”

You hugged them again and decided to go out and celebrate. While climbing in the Impala, Sam had one question he needed answered.

“Did you go to Heaven or Hell?” He asked.

Dean saw you smirk in the rear view mirror.

“Climbing the stairway was fun, but I prefer the highway.” You hinted.

Dean laughed. “She’s definitely our sister.”

******

Tags:

@impala-dreamer @feelmyroarrrr @mariekoukie6661 @latishiante1001 @ellen-reincarnated1967 @prompt-and-circumstances @ellie-andthemachine @spnbaby-67 @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @meeshw777 @rideandwritethings @sleepylunarwolf @moose-and-sqruille-lover @youre-acting-like-a-psycho @waywardasfudge @amotleyworld @fallenangelsneverfade @claitynroberts @wingedcatninja @dean-winchesters-bacon @death-unbecomes-you @arses21434 @lonely-skys @mannls @internationalmusicteacher @theloudkilljoy @closetspngirl @sandlee44 @polina-93 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce

#no deals #spngenrebingo #spn genre bingo #sister!winchester x sam #sister!winchester x dean #platonic reader x cas #platonic reader x gabriel #platonic reader x lucifer #platonic reader x Balthazar #character death #being brought back to life #angst/fluff

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scotthastiepoet · 4 years ago

Photo

Scott Hastie - SYNDICATED INTERVIEW

THE VERY BUSINESS OF POETRY ITSELF

One poet’s view from the UK

See -

http://www.scotthastie.com/?p=5426

Hi Scott, do please tell us how you go about writing, how you organise your day?

"I am fortunate to have a smallish study all to myself, up in the loft, which looks out over open fields and a tree-lined skyline. Here I have quiet, cocooned space overlooking the English countryside (almost in the clouds…) and absolutely everything I need. Far, far away from anything else – phones, computers, tablets and door bells, especially…

For me, as a full time writer, a fairly rigorous, almost monastic daily routine is very important and underpins all my efforts. Not just in creating an exterior environment that is conducive to a concentrated and undisturbed focus on my craft – but one that also allows important preparatory time of an almost religious nature - given the spiritual themes that run through my work.

On a normal day, this would involve around two hours of advance preparation: morning exercise (normally running in the countryside and/or rowing) followed by breathing exercises, body stretches and meditation, sometimes some music also – before even beginning to think about any writing…

Having also eaten simply, I then would normally write in silence for between two to four hours – losing any sense of time, till my body tells me it is time to refuel. Immediately after lunch, I would then have a shorter 1-2 hour session (often the most exciting time of the day when earlier writing can begin to coalesce) Evenings are then usually important down-time from what is a quite an intense and tiring process. However I would still normally have a couple of short sessions early, right after my evening meal and also last thing before bed – which are more about reviewing existing work and quick, little polishing sessions – looking afresh and anew at whatever has emerged that day.

For me, it’s very important that every day (whether a writing day or not) begins and ends with me quietly reading through my last half a dozen pieces – in order hopefully to stay ‘in the flow’ and ‘in the voice’, clinging on tightly to that ‘silken thread’ that, once it slips from your grasp, can often be so hard to regain! Unless I’m away travelling or have specific social commitments, then EVERY day is a writing day.

I also have three identical and rather wonderful little digital voice recorders that literally go everywhere with me (one stays by the bed) so that, whatever I’m up to, I have some chance of capturing all those amazing little thoughts and insights that come to you, just out the blue - And as if by magic! These I call my ‘fragments’ and they usually come when you are in the throws of just doing something else, entirely - or just surfacing from sleep, for example. Rather than just sitting down somewhat deliberately: ‘to write some poetry! ’Previously so, so many of these fragments would have just got lost in the ether forever, before I started to adopt this method and built it into my daily resources and routine.

How on earth does a poem begin to emerge on a blank screen or piece of paper?

Yes well then, beyond the general details of my day to day creative practice, I am often asked to describe exactly how I go about creating an individual poem. Firstly I have to say, in my view, you should never ever sit down to compose on a blank piece of paper - that, I think, is a big mistake many make. Furthermore, which really surprises many of my readers, neither do I ever start with a preconceived theme to write about.

Instead, I simply begin with some of these fragments, as described above, stored on a page; importantly with the most recent at the top... (as I calculate these should be the best reflection of your most current sub-conscious interests) and then see what begins to happen. Which stir you? Which begin to link together? (as per William Burroughs celebrated ‘cut out’ technique) and which prompt you to write on, some more?

And then usually, for me at least (given the immediately preceding minutes I have already invested in meditating and ‘getting in the voice’) something soon starts to take shape and I simply go with the flow and follow its lead... And of course, once the guts of a theme is out and has been safely captured on the page – then it is always possible (and often wise!) to have a break - knowing its detail and narrative is safe and can always be polished later. So this is truly how the nuts and bolts of the creative process works for me, anyway.

What drives and inspires you to write?

All my life (and for reasons I can’t quite be sure of) I have always been a seeker in the spiritual sense and always very ambitious to live life to the full. Whenever I am blessed with special moments or insights in my life, then my first instinct is to share the light and energy that comes from this experience with others. I am particularly keen to reach younger readers and students, still at a formative time in their lives and am always especially gratified when this group of readers, in particular, is touched by my work.

I suppose, at the core of my creative effort, is an attempt to try and present and illuminate a runway ahead, if you like... Fed directly by my own being and experience – in the hope that it resonates. My personal mode of doing this is, of course, as an artist and as a poet in particular.

Who are your greatest influences?

Beyond my own personal experience of living my life as fully as possible, I have always also been uplifted and inspired by reading other writers. After all, what greater gift and truer pleasure can there be that the opportunity to read and absorb, to have an internal dialogue yourself with some of the greatest minds and souls that have ever lived? Especially in antiquity, just think how exciting it is to be able to get to know the ancient, elemental voices in Beowulf, the colours of Ovid, the technical wizardry of Flaubert, the vision of Blake, the wisdom and majesty of Gibran or Rilke, for example.

My passion for poetry was ignited, as an impressionable adolescent, by schoolboy studies of the great English Romantic poets in particular – Wordsworth, Keats and, for me, Coleridge in particular. The work of William Blake and some of the truly great French writers like Rimbaud, Verlaine and Baudelaire were also a great influence. Shakespeare was of course the most glowing and effortless example of someone who had truly found their own voice and, in all likelihood, could write as fast as he could speak... As a student, I was both inspired and awestruck by that – to the extent it seemed like my lifetime’s challenge was going to be the long journey to begin to find my very own true voice.

How difficult was it to get started?

I soon began writing my own poetry in earnest at college, where I was studying to be a librarian and where I was also then editor of the student magazine for Brighton Polytechnic and Sussex University. Quite quickly I became one of many quite active, but relatively obscure either young small press or self-published poets. However, my work always seemed to sell well and was, at the time, unusual for always being published profitably. Thereby becoming a useful second income supporting the family life of a chartered librarian – in the auspicious tradition of a Larkin! Though in my case, the career was in public, rather than academic libraries.

What do you think were the key developments in your literary career?

Significant published collections of my poetry didn’t really appear till I had a family of my own and was already in my thirties. This was largely on the back of commercial success in other genres – when I was fortunate to author a series of quite lavish and lucrative illustrated local history books. Around this time, I also wrote Reunion, a fast-paced romantic thriller, which remains my only novel to date.

Nowadays I write full time, focusing as squarely as possible on poetry once more. A newer transitional collection of my work Meditationswas first published in 2013, focusing more on the philosophic and spiritual themes, with another similar but more substantial and comprehensive collection: Angel Voices soon following in the Autumn of 2014. Along with these and my novel, two other earlier collections of my poetry remain in print today: Selected Poetry, a hardback edition and New Poetry, a later title published in paperback only. On account of growing interest, both theses titles now only very recently re-issued as e books in early 2021.

As you will by now probably know, further titles and new collections soon followed - threads in 2016 and then Pranic Poetry in 2020, the theme of which was fuelled by what I learnt and managed to absorb from a couple of years highly insightful study of Pranic Healing, under the auspices of the Institute of Pranic Healing here in the UK. By this time, there was much broader interest and appreciation of my work around the world, energised by an exponential growth of visits to my showcase website scotthastie.com - which now generates millions of hits every year from all around the world. Interest in my work continues to grow exponentially, I think significantly encouraged but the pandemic induced lockdown around the world, which encouraged so many more folk to do two vital things - Read more... and also Re-evaluate their potential and what their life was really about... which of course lies at the very heart of what my poetry speaks to. This was the reason which prompted us to bring forward by a year my two 30th career anniversary retrospective 'Best Of'' collections - Timeless: the best of Scott Hastie's poetry 1990-2020 and it's companion volume Splinters of Light: quotations from the poetry of Scott Hastie in 2020.

Sounds like the internet has played a big part in your success?

Yes your right. Initially social media was a pretty new departure for me and something I was, to be honest, something I was initially rather reluctant about – but still very much initially encouraged to get involved with by the people at Raygun who designed and launched www.scotthastie.com here in the UK in 2012. In addition, I had also always been so conscious of all the other potential pitfalls there are out there for anyone seeking to write anything significant – be it the lure of fame or fortune, or the seduction of style over substance, for example. And, as always stressed by David Lidgate, my spiritual mentor here in the UK, particularly the importance of not wasting valuable energies on promotion and ‘staying in the bubble’ - if truly serious about maximising the potential you have as a writer.

Having said this, I am glad I did listen to Raygun and we have since developed approaches that make this work for me, without literally taking more than a hour or so of my time every day… Even from my limited experience to date. Like it or not, there can be no doubt that options like Twitter Facebook & Instagram (for general public) and LinkedIn (for peer group connections) are immensely powerful engines of efficient sharing and global communication, helping to steer people from all round the world to my web site. The web site itself scotthastie.com which has a built in blog - for both general comment and also on individual poems - has also exceeded all expectations since it was launched. And all this from a standing start and with no marketing spend to speak of!

There is no doubt that the use of social media and also involvement with writing groups has played its part here. Although my books have long since found their way to most countries around the world, for me, as a writer, the key transformative effect here has been, for the first time, getting my work out much more effectively to a worldwide audience. And, of course, the surprises that come from this. For example, the scale of enthusiastic positive interest, now evident from the US in particular and also from India and some Arab states initially caught us off guard, to be honest. But is obviously very welcome, nevertheless.

So in summary, I am now a definite convert! Just twenty years ago, it simply would have not been possible at all for me to even dream of reaching the audience I do now, without huge investment from a major corporate publishing house. So it does literally transform everything. What I now say to those that ask is that: in this new world, I have two principal endeavours: Firstly - to write as well as I can, then Secondly - to be as serious and cooperative as I can be about getting my work to be read by as many people as possible. Hence, for example, my investment of time in contributing to blogs, as well as online art & literary print journals, both as a way of conveying an understanding of what I am aiming to do AND equally importantly sharing with and encouraging others – which I also find to be very satisfying and rewarding.

Though, much as the Internet does such a brilliant job for us, as writers and creative artists generally (in terms of being able to reach out and find a worldwide audience so cost effectively and without being totally reliant on the big and often greedy corporates) we all still know that the delicious feeling of having that intimate 'one to one' dialogue with the mind of another, by holding a beautifully finished printed book in your hand, just cannot be bettered or ever replaced. As validated by the simple fact that today there are more books being written and commercially published than ever before. End of any possible argument about all that there, methinks!

What excites you most about what you have achieved so far and what are you still looking to achieve with your writing?

For me, the most exciting development in my writing (in addition to the more cogent and mature voice I seem to have been blessed with, past two years or so...) is the way my poetry now seems to be truly reaching out and touching people across all social, cultural, political and faith boundaries. Much more than all the money in the world! I honestly just couldn’t want for more than that.

In that sense I’m now Living the Dream… And it therefore has become very important to me that I pay back all the blessings I’ve been given, by writing as well as I possibly can – And that, in truth, is what the rest of my creative life is about, really.

What do you consider to be the central themes and characteristics of your poetry?

On the technical front, I have always been ardent in my belief that, as far as possible, a poem should speak entirely for itself. Perhaps more so than any other art form, surely this has to be truest for poetry? Whose principal aim is to distil an experience or insight down to the absolute essence. To my mind the voice of the piece should therefore always be much stronger and clearer than any artist’s commentary or critic’s voice could ever provide.

I regard the over-arching theme of my work to be a personal investigation into the positive potential of the human spirit. This I think is clearly evident, running through most of my poems. Not that I believe my work can ever be said to be some sweet pastoral panacea, because it never shies away from pain or suffering – and is prepared to also explore the darkness, as well as the light and, crucially, the fundamental significance of their inter reaction. This being, to me, the absolute axis (the truly dynamic and crucial interdependence of the light and dark, of joy and sorrow, of love and loss, in the grand Romantic tradition) and that key notion of duality which I hope still lies solidly at the heart of my work and my approach.

I remain determined always to be challenging enough to try and reach deep into the core of the meaning of the human experience - although I do readily accept that, as my work has developed and I have grown older, my voice has also become more reflective and spiritual in its emphasis.

I have always aimed, at any time in my career, to be as simply expressed and as readily accessible as possible – For me, this is a vital component of all my work to date. And it is here that you can also hopefully see how simple often short line length structures also play their part – though still carefully shaped for emphasis, controlled rhythm and musicality that lifts key passages, enhances meaning and always looks to carefully and lyrically draw the reader towards the concluding climax of any piece. The success of which for me is always a critical consideration and the key litmus test of success of any particular poem.

How do you define what is poetry and what is not?

A very common question… Many people from different cultures often talk to me around notions of: ‘What is poetry?’ And indeed the significance, or otherwise, of traditionally rhyming schemes and syllabic metrical structures. For me, it is very stark and straightforward– ‘a poem’ is ‘a poem’ if it calls itself one – similarly ‘a poet’ is ‘a poet’ if he/she deems to call themselves one. No more complicated than that, I’m afraid. This doesn’t mean, of course, that any self-declared poet is necessarily a viable or good one - Hey! Ho!

Similar to the old days and all the discussion about what was then ‘art’ and not ‘art’ – painters and sculptors (musicians even) I think have been much more successful than poets in throwing off the shackles of the past, in my view. Both, in terms of the general public’s and even (sad to say!) most of the established ‘literary world’ and academia’s on-going perception on this issue.

That is not to say poetry that rhymes, or strictly follows a consistent metrical rule throughout is not of value – Obviously! Just as clearly as say Jackson Pollock or Rothko’s work does not trump Michelangelo’s. Without a doubt, some of the most inspiring and effective poetry ever written falls firmly into this more traditional category.

So there you go! I am a poet, unabashed, pure and simple! And if pressed (often tediously on the subject...) I will concede – Yes, I indeed write mainly what is often described as ‘free’ or ‘blank’ verse. Writing that’s not (being a child of the glorious Sixties and Seventies!) also without some ‘concrete’ influences, as I mention later.

However lyrical flow and emphasis are always essential to my work, as discussed earlier and I am not averse (excuse the pun!) to using rhyme or slipping into conventional structures, whenever they feel right. Sometimes, I even find myself writing haikus, mid-poem, without even being conscious I’m doing it! No surprise there really – as some of the deepest, most ancient of structures are precisely that: felt, rather than abstractly and mathematically constructed... Stretching back to an oral story telling tradition – when such effects were first discovered instinctively for enhancing dramatic effects and aiding memory, given that nothing was then written down – but simply retold, from generation to generation.

That being said, I always have one regular tactic up my sleeve to settle any argument, if necessary, regarding my credentials and credeibility as a ‘poet’. I ask the person concerned to read any poem of mine they wish and then promptly present them with a full prose essay conveying the very same message as the poem – Trust me, that is guaranteed to shut up even the sternest of sceptics, who all of sudden have no option but to concede there is clearly much ‘poetry’ there after all!

And, of course, overriding all this - Of one thing I have always been sure - Poetry is the purest of all art forms. Now, within that, we know all too well how the term ‘blank verse’ can be used in a pejorative way – where as ‘free verse’ self-evidently cannot. So a poet writing 'free verse' is what I proudly and ultimately lay claim to be. And writing free verse that will joyfully adopt whatever technique, structure pattern or lyrical tone (in and out, however traditional... however not…) as I see fit. And as I determine the mood, the nuance, the meaning of the piece demands.

And how truly blessed I feel given that, so clearly, poetry is the highest of all art forms and stands up there, entirely on its own level. And furthermore, doubly blessed! For, to be honest, during much of my earlier life, I could so easily can have been seduced away. For example, there have been so many times in my life when, if the devil himself had offered me the chance to be a say a singer, lyricist or wonderfully visually expressive painter, then I would have literally pulled his arm off, there and then!

Because these are of course the more immediately attractive and fashionable art forms that, in our current culture especially, can so much more easily grab the world’s attention and still go on to establish some kind of meaningful and soulful relevance. However, inevitably within them, the message has at least to be in part compromised, diluted by the medium. Whereas, for the poet, the message can come through strong and pure and can be delivered in full - Direct and Undiluted. So, although we often have a harder road to travel for sure, blessed indeed are the poets!

Your passion for what you do is very evident, what has challenged you most?

The first thing to say is that is no easy road to travel, rather a very demanding one, requiring persistent and dedicated effort over a good number of years. Going back to my youth, the first person to truly believe in me and what I had to offer beyond my lifelong friend, the precociously knowledgeable and ultimately ambitious painter, Ian Stirling was an idealistic young teacher called Robert Peel, who was my A level (higher grade) tutor of French Literature at Secondary (High) School. He was the first to open my eyes as to what might be possible and who (pretty uniquely and significantly at that time, when I was at my most rebellious and errant) still encouraged me to be myself and follow my dream. Consequently, I am forever in his debt…

Beyond that, I have worked hard most of my life to deliberately avoid being schooled by academic influences and laboured, mainly alone – albeit with the bright lanterns of what, for me, are key timeless and luminous voices like those of Gibran, Blake and Rilke to guide me on my way.

As we have already touched on briefly above – in terms of how technically I approach the challenging business of structuring of my work - then the Haiku tradition, with emphasis on focusing down and distilling the essence of what you want to say has had an on-going (if often not always directly and technically applied) obvious influence on my work. Personally, I will also always be permanently indebted for the technical breakthroughs achieved the pioneering Scottish Concrete poets, Ian Hamilton Finlay and Edwin Morgan – which really helped me see a clear way forward for myself, in terms of beginning to develop a style I feel is my own.

Is it really possible for any poet to really have his voice properly heard in the 21st century?

Like to think I am living proof that it can be done! That said, whatever anyone’s influences and any environment they find themselves operating in, I freely acknowledge that the most significant challenge faced by any writer is to truly find their own voice. And to be honest with you, I do get very weary of what sometimes seems like the endless procession of often technically, as well as intellectually talented young writers - on both sides of the Pond, simply schooled to echo the styles and mores of whatever is judged to then be fashionable by a self-serving established literary elite. To some extent, this is inevitable, I suppose... And it is perhaps unreasonable for me to imagine otherwise! But then again, as we have discussed earlier, I believe the power of the internet has played a very valuable role here in loosening this stifling stranglehold.

Also, as mentioned earlier, my tendency anyway has always been to be a bit of a lone wolf, by artistic and spiritual necessity. Thereby I believe giving yourself the time and space to conjure up a strong and unique voice that can really punch through.

I have noticed that nearly all your poems don’t have titles, why is that?

Yes, I do have a few such idiosyncrasies as a poet: And one of these is that, unless dedicated to a particular individual or location, I have never believed in giving titles to my poems. In the spirit of the haiku and my earlier answers about technique, what I say to those who question me as to why this is (and my answer often surprises or sometimes annoys many) Namely: 'if you can truly conjure a meaningful title for a poem, then, my friend, perhaps that should be the poem itself!!' And, for me, the first few words of a poem and page number will always serve as a sufficient identifier - so who needs titles anyway!

My other significant idiosyncrasy is that, despite the fact that I have the utmost respect for the practice of being a ‘performance poet’ – this is something I NEVER do - despite what it costs me in terms of the loss of promotional opportunities. In common with my practice of not using titles for my work, this also surprises some. But what I say to this is that I myself have always written so deliberately to be ‘read in the head’ rather than declaimed. All I can say here is that, for me as a poet, this is much more important and multi-dimensional opportunity and moreover, a preciously unique and timely dialogue between you and any individual reader, all of whom are different characters, with different histories, preoccupations and issues.

For example, would I trust anyone? (myself included!) to do full justice to one of my poems in oral recital – frankly not! Also would I really want to interfere at all with the very special music any one person could make (in their very own way and with the singular benefit of their unique experiences and resonances) with one of my pieces in their own head – Again, not really! Indeed some of my readers do tell me that they read my poetry aloud to themselves, quite often. And that, of course, is just marvellous! And exactly how it should be...

Given all the success you’ve had to date Scott, what still drives you on to keep writing?

As to my ultimate ambition as a writer, it is certainly not, nor ever has been Fame and Fortune... (which we all know is much more easily garnered in today's world by being pretty much anything other than a poet!) Rather, it’s always been all about something very different and much more enduring.

Something that I blessedly first became aware of so early in my life, via both my communion with my close friend, the unique, truly exceptional Ian Stirling and also the illuminating effect of a charmed incident that took place on an early journey to Italy, as described in the Foreword/Introduction to both Timeless and Splinters:

"For me, there was only ever one true ambition in life. From that charmed moment in the Pantheon in Rome, watching on as a beautifully elegant young woman walked reverentially across the marble floor of this extraordinary historic building to place a single red rose of the tomb of the painter Raphael. There and then, an insight immediately crystallized around a noble purpose for my life. Ever more certain now that my task was now leave behind something true and beautiful, fashioned from my own life’s experience that might have some chance of touching, moving and inspiring others, many, many years later. Surely, as an eager and idealistic young man, that was all I could ever hope for. And so, the die was cast!"

A wonderful story…

What are you reading at the moment?

Currently, I would recommend the stunning and very contemporary work of NY poet Sharon Olds, one time winner of the T.S. Eliot Poetry Prize and also the poignant work of Irish poet Dennis O’Driscoll. I am also currently re-reading Marcus Aurelius and Rumi - Timeless wisdom that never fails to prompt and inspire. Additionally, I am rather addicted to rather a lot of exotic travelling round the world, spending time with and tasting other cultures – which also never fails to nourish my soul – As does spending truly precious time with my family, close friends and young grandchildren who do so much to rejuvenate my spirits, by showing me the world, as it is - fresh and new again."

Thank you Scott for your time today and being so generous with your thoughts. A very fascinating interview.

TRANSCRIPT ENDS

Syndicated interview

scotthastie.com

#poetry #Romantic Poetry #spiritual poetry #poem #poems #romanticpoems #spiritualpoems #scotthastie #scotthastiepoet

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resinatingbeauty · 4 years ago

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News & New Stuff October 8th 2020 Update

SALE on Mercari and in the Etsy shop - Spend $30 in the shop for 40% off your order! Free shipping available for US customers and guaranteed free international shipping everywhere else when spending $35 + USD !

Introducing affordable hand crafted & charged 'Crystal Essentials' jewelry sets featuring iconic therapeutic natural crystals crafted into a beautiful beaded bracelet, necklace, and earring set with raw Selenite crystal to charge! Includes detailed information about the featured crystal / gemstone and Selenite / charging. Each set may be Personslized further by choosing your beading color scheme and comes with keepsake box and bags! These sets are priced just at $20-$35.00 (depending on stone) USD to make them affordable for everyone getting into crystal therapy, reiki, or those who just enjoy the natural beauty and colorations of these crystals!

THANK YOU to all my Mercari buyers for helping me reach 100 5 Star reviews this month! There are some special deals for Mercari users on my page that aren't listed anywhere else to celebrate, including 5 piece Crystal Beauty Bundle Boxes which feature natural crystals I have hand picked just for you, at least one of my own color changing / thermogenic creations, Selenite, Black Cleansing Salt, and a stretchy crystal stack Bracelet!

Updated the Etsy shop with new organization, some new listings and featured items including the aforementioned Crystal Essential sets of Malachite and Obsidian. Removed older listings that are still on Mercari for a discounted price.

I am ALWAYS accepting custom orders- the 'place custom order' button should now appear on my Etsy shop in the upper right hand corner of shop home. This was always meant to be, but most of my editing is done on the mobile app which is inconsistent with the website. Sorry for that!

I plan on collaborating with funky amazing artist Meg and doing a swap in the near future. Keep an eye out for photos - I can't wait to see what she designs for me!

It has been a hell of a month, let me tell you (not that anyone reads this, which makes it a great place to vent). Finances have been tight- sales have just BARELY covered my expenses (Etsy shop still in the hole by a literal dollar). Fortunately, I have been able to keep my day job during this pandemic as an essential worker, but I lost my side hustle and hours were cut there so even that hasn't been any help.

I started Resinating Beauty / Blursed Baubles by Samantha in Pursuit of a dream. I pursued that dream at a bad time.

Thankfully, I didn't take out any small business loans or borrow money to manifest my dream. Everything came out of pocket from money I had saved and the small inheritance my grandmother left me when I was 14, or what was left of it after I moved out of my parent's home and purchased a new car, which I am glad I'm not stuck with my dying 20 year old Cavalier and don't have to currently worry about a car payment or this car deciding it has had enough of me.

That money is gone now, and as I continue down this path, I may have gone full force when I should have held back and waited to see what the ultimate impact would be of this global phenomenon would be- between the pandemic and other events that appear to be harbingers of the apocalypse.

Every bit I make goes right back into maintaining my presence and keeping up with my creations when they aren't paying overdue bills, overdraft fees, and the rent.

What does this depressing rant mean for, if you so happen to have taken the time to read this? For one, thanks for that. At least keeping up with social media has somewhat paid off, though the ads brought likes, they never brought much revenue. That's what will ultimately kill this dream of mine, or at least bring everything to a full stop until I can afford to restock and promote. This means a few possibilities in the next few months:

Mercari only sales. Though Mercari has also become more of a pain in the ass and lackluster in the last few months, adding their payment processing fee in addition to their 10% listing fee and raising the cost of their prepaid labels.

I had expected the cost of labels to go up just to match the increase in postage cost, but the payment processing fee snuck right in there amidst everything. It has become very hard as a seller to make ANYTHING from a sale and price your items in a way that people will even stop and look at your listing because you're going to lose at least $5 off the top, more if you don't use your own label service and, God forbid, take your packages to a pack n ship store.

Higher Pricing Than Usual and No More Gratuitous Free Shipping

In exchange, I have had to list items at much higher prices than I would expect anyone to pay just to list them and promote them down to the price I expect, only to sell them at cost if not lower. I'm lucky to make a profit off any of my listings, but I do recognize that the majority of my sales come from Mercari. I've had the Etsy shop for almost as long and have only made a grand total of 5 (or so) sales, only two of which were international, which is really the entire point of running the Etsy shop. If this trend continues, I'll be forced to cut my losses and turn down international sales for the foreseeable future.

Free shipping will continue for now as I have been able to use a commercial shipping label service that provides discounted shipping labels, but if listing price dips below the 10-15% profit margin I need to continue, I will withdraw the offer of free shipping.

Advertising is word of mouth only- if you love it, like it! Share it! Buy it!

If you have purchased any of my handmade items or have seen them advertised when I could afford to do so and thought they were amazing, please help! The casualties of this pandemic are not just human- millions of small businesses, start ups, and solo ventures like myself are struggling just as much as you are (if not more) to keep a roof over their heads, to pay their bills, and to continue providing quality products and services from the USA, from my hands to yours. Corporations from China and other international conglomerates have infiltrated sites like Etsy and Mercari, selling their products as if they were handmade, unique, and just as special as someone who actually sat down and took the time to craft it over days and weeks- pouring their heart and souls into it like I know I do and God knows they mass produce these items, using these platform as just another way to promote their products. There is literally nothing we can do to stop it other than refuse to purchase from them and to invest our money in true homegrown small businesses.

As prices get higher here in the US, I can't blame people for immediately gravitating toward the lowest priced seller that is selling a copy cat item of another at half the cost, or one similar to it, but, damn, does it feel like a knife in the back to every entrepreneur or small business owner watching our dreams crumble at the feet of Chinese mega corps and pandemic/election propaganda.

Custom order cessation on all platforms. If I no longer have the extra materials, I cannot make custom orders. You may find custom or made to order listings have a much more abbreviated menu of options and variations due to cost and those who place custom orders and fail to follow up. Please only make custom order requests when you are ready to purchase them and allow me adequate time to create your item(s), finalize, and ship them to you.

With all that being said, I don't expect any of this to happen until next year. I continue to pull through, I'm still crafting and designing, making social media advertisements whenever I can, and going to sleep at night just praying with hope in my heart that one day it has got to get better. We have nowhere to go now but up. I truly make myself believe this and stay positive with my thoughts.

Some changes have taken effect already on Mercari and Etsy as you have seen my pricing rise and the free shipping go away and I'm truly sorry for that. I'm sorry I have to decline your offer as well if I just can't rationalize it in my head. I can promise you, however, that you will continue to receive quality, handmade, one of a kind creations with extra love and care with customer service to match. I appreciate everyone who has made a purchase as you have supported this dream of mine and those repeat customers who have become more than just buyers to me, you are truly amazing. Thank you again for getting me to 100 5 Star reviews on Mercari!

-Xo Samantha

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teamgishtastrophe · 5 years ago

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GISH 2019 / Hunt List

21 POINTS

Make an Assbutt of yourself in public. Literally.

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43 POINTS

TIMELAPSE. Nothing caps off a good, hot summer day like a footlong s’mores eaten by two, Lady and the Tramp Style. (No hands may be used in the creation of or eating of the s’mores.) - Rae M.

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57 POINTS

They say stepping on a LEGO is the greatest pain one can experience. We Gishers laugh in the face of pain. Make shoes entirely from LEGOs - no fluffy socks or insoles allowed- and demonstrate them in use. Post it to social media and tag the LEGO accounts and @GISH. - Deidra

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59 POINTS

Hula hooping is hard, and you’re just not ready to go it alone yet. Create a hula-hoop with training wheels for beginners and show it in use.

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36 POINTS

At least 3 grownups working in an industrial mud-pie factory. They must be wearing hair nets. Supervising them is at least one tidy child under age 10 in a suit and carrying a clipboard.

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7 out of 10 dentists and dental hygienists recommend Flossing, and they practice what they preach. Show us 7 out of 10 real dentists and dental hygienists flossing (not tooth-flossing. Dance-flossing.) 28 POINTS

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113 POINTS

SLOW-MOTION. It’s time for the most elegant and beautiful of all affairs: the paintball ballet! 5 ballerinas playing paintball on pointe. They must all be pointe dancers; they can be wearing safety gear, but it must be pink and there must be tutus and pointe shoes.

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47 POINTS

It’s summer, and that means it’s time to do your civic duty. Take a swim in the jury pool -- complete with flotation devices, snorkel, etc.

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34 POINTS

Bee-drinking poles are all the rage, but your neighborhood bees deserve to really unwind. Create a bee bar - a bee “saloon on a pole” using recycled bottle caps. Install it somewhere public. - Item Written By Misha’s Mom

NOTE: For the safety of the bees, our resident apiarists ask that you please use sanitized lids with no chemicals or beverage residue on them, and plain water (not sugar water).

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74 POINTS

A real matador in a real bullfighting ring with any of our GISH/gishwhes “flapes” (these are flags some Gishers purchase during registration). The bull is a Gisher, convincingly dressed as a bull.

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31 POINTS

Listerine Mouse Wash.

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43 POINTS

A child reading a bedtime story to the monster under their bed. The monster should be charmed and cozy and cuddled up.

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36 POINTS

The machines are taking over, and now they’re even infiltrating the dating sector. Your blind date tonight at a 4-star restaurant is a humanoid robot.

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58 POINTS

Nothing can shake you up! Show us how you keep centered: meditating on a moving mechanical bull. Keep your chakras aligned! Fall off in less than 2 seconds and score 0 points.

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80 POINTS

Create a “food truck” that sells something incongruous with food trucks. It could be delicious pesticides, microchips, shower caps or anything in between. It can’t be compassion, empathy, or anything that “feeds the soul.” As loathe as we are to say this: get creative. Your truck must advertise its wares with flashy signage.

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66 POINTS

LOCATION-BASED. Clowns were the original glad-iators. Prove it with Roman clowns fighting in an actual Colosseum or ancient amphitheater in a knock-down, drag-out pie fight.

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23 POINTS

Trip the light fantastic. Literally. - Kelli R.

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53 POINTS

You know that saying: “Christ on a paddleboard!” Well, it’s used for a reason - Jesus walked on water and was an innovator in the Stand-Up Paddleboard world. Show Jesus on a stand-up paddleboard, with at least 3 disciples following him in a rowboat, canoe, or scull.

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49 POINTS

The world is in desperate need of more Cheese Balls. Many more Cheese Balls. Many many many more Cheese Balls. Delivered as rapidly as possible. Build a functional Cheese Ball launching/delivery system and demonstrate it shooting cheese balls from a distance of least 30 feet away. You must be able to catch at least 1 in your mouth. - Dave L.

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12 POINTS

A housecat happily flaunting a stylish mustache.

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43 POINTS

You’re a real dish. No, really. You and a friend, dressed as commemorative collector plates, donating platelets (that’s what plates bleed).

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291 POINTS

People always say, “GISH lights up the night!” Prove it. Get a bunch of drones with lights on them to spell out the word “GISH” in the night sky. The drones must serve as pixels in the sky, so you will need a lot of them. Probably at least 40.

UPDATE: The purpose of the Hunt is to do things creatively, not to enrich a company. You may not pay a company to do this (see: Commandment 26: Outsourcing). However, in the event that you cannot achieve this as written, we’re offering a one-time analog alternative: you MAY also do this with LED decorated kites. Don’t just do one letter per kite, though... So you will still need a lot of them. Maybe 40? Go BIG.

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41 POINTS

(Up to 20 seconds. You may use fast-motion or tight editing). When baking, measurements are vital to the culinary success of your creation. Small missteps will ruin your souffle. Of course, measuring cups and spoons, over time, change size and volume due to humidity and aging. Let’s use a measuring device that you trust and know intimately: your mouth. First, figure out exactly how much volume is in you mouth and then use it to source and distribute all ingredients to bake a cake. You may not use any utensils or measuring devices. Grab whatever ingredients you use to make a cake and place them on your counter and then, without using your hands to measure or fill, fill your mouth with the appropriate amounts of each ingredient and then deposit in your cake dish.(Yes, this means you would need to “bob for flour” in your flour bag and then “mouth spout” it into your mixing bowl). Once the ingredients are all safely in the mixing bowl (again, delivered by your mouth), you are allowed to mix it with any device--as long as that device is a part of your face. Bake it and enjoy it with a loved one (without using your hands).

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94 POINTS

(UP TO 45 SECONDS). Have a child under 8 years old create an original recipe, a la “Cooking Fast & Fresh with West”. Record them inventing it, then executing their vision. It must be 100% child-led with an adult-only serving as sous chef. In a blatant cross-promotional stunt, the best recipes will be posted on my social media when my new book, “The Adventurous Eaters Club” hits bookstores. (BTW, you can pre-order now here.)

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68 POINTS

(UP TO 30 SECONDS) You’ve been bragging you can out-dunk a professional basketball player, and now it’s time to prove it: go one-on-one for a 30-second milk-and-cookies dunk-off against a pro-baller. Your competitor must be a current or retired member of the NBA or WNBA. Bonus points if your competition is a household name. Post your video on social media tagging the player with #GISHDunkChallenge

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31 POINTS

Be a stand-in for me! Wearing a convincing Misha Collins mask, have a cup of tea with someone who still has a bonafide original Team 3 Rhino Hunt puzzle piece. The puzzle piece must be visible in the image. If you are on a team and you are a Team 3 Rhino Hunt puzzle piece holder, you MAY collaborate with other teams to help them out on this one. (I will still honor the tea-time for any unredeemed puzzle pieces. This offer never expires.)

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46 POINTS

Food waste is a real problem in many countries. At the same time, food deserts are a problem, making it difficult for some people to get fresh, nutritious food. We’re helping both problems in one fell swoop with our GISH Mobile Free Grocers! Get a grocery store to donate the day’s “ugly” produce, day-old bread, and any other still-edible fresh foods to you, then go and distribute it as a GISH Mobile Free Grocer to people experiencing homelessness.

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42 POINTS

The tooth fairy is sick and tired of waiting around to collect the teeth under kids’ pillows, so she’s gone rogue and has started taking them right out of their mouths to meet her quota. Obviously, she needs to be stopped! Create an effective anti-tooth fairy nighttime mouth guard and show it in use, successfully stopping the thieving fairy. -Ant G.

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49 POINTS

(UP TO 20 SECONDS: You may speed up and edit video) The big trend in experience-based restaurants has you eating in total darkness, but these gimmicky restaurants charge a fortune. We’re bringing it to the masses: Take a dinner date to an upscale restaurant - the fancier, the better - wear white. There must be a white linen tablecloth. Sit across from each other and feed each other dinner while both of you are blindfolded. You must be serving one another red wine or a similar dark beverage, too.

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53 POINTS

The recorder is an under-appreciated instrument, with roots in ancient times. The depth of its mythical sirenic tones are magical and hypnotic. So what better place to play this divine woodwind than amongst the most beautiful sites in the world? Play the Kansas song “Carry on Wayward Son” at sunset on a recorder, overlooking one of the following: the Grand Canyon (Arizona, US), Angkor Wat (Cambodia), Machu Picchu (Peru), Great Wall of China, Taj Mahal (India), the Colosseum (Italy), Iguazu Falls (Brazil), Stonehenge (UK), Egyptian Pyramids or the Sphinx, Tikal (Guatemala), Angel Falls (Venezuela), Atacama Desert (Chile), Arashiyama Bamboo Grove (Japan), The Azores (Portugal), Boulders Beach (South Africa), Cappadocia (Turkey), Cliffs of Moher (Ireland), Disko Bay (Greenland), Lake Tekapo (New Zealand), Na Pali Coast (Hawaii, US), Sagrada Familia (Spain), Eiffel Tower (France), Reynisfjara (Iceland), Trolltunga (Norway), Ubud (Indonesia), Sydney Opera House (Australia), Banff National Park (Canada), Niagara Falls (New York or Ontario), Yellowstone (Wyoming), El Capitan (Yosemite), Statue of Liberty (Liberty Island), Eilean Donan Castle (Scotland), Neuschwanstein Castle (Germany), Matterhorn or Zermatt (Switzerland), or Chichen Itza (Mexico).

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75 POINTS

In the past, stained glass windows usually depicted flowers or devotional symbols like angels and saints. But modern culture venerates a different group. Create a stained glass window of a Kardashian, famous Instagram Influencer, or similar personality with more than 4 million followers. It must be someone who is worshipped simply for being worshipped for being famous. You may not use anyone from the cast of Supernatural. Bonus points if it’s installed in an actual cathedral.

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43 POINTS

We’re putting you in charge of Supernatural canon for the day. Paint a cannon with an elaborate SPN mural showcasing something that you think should be canon, with a caption like, “It’s #SPN Cannon!”

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24 POINTS

In the 2018 GISH Most Premiumerest Registration, we included a Misha Collins MishSqueezie stress ball. And though our concept artist did a great job, something got lost in translation and, well... Nailed it! But somewhere out there, there must be the guy that actually looks exactly like this stress ball. Find him and take a picture of him with the MishSqueezie.

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81 POINTS

The Federation of Stormtroopers has been officially sponsored by the X Games this year. Let’s see a highlight from one of their competitions with the stormtrooper participating in an extreme sport.

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41 POINTS

A pop-up card that’s for a blind child. Written in Braille, with pop-ups that can be understood completely by touch. Let’s see it in action.

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118 POINTS

Like many Americans, I’ve been trying to get supplies to the families and kids in detention center along the US border, and despite my C-List celebrity status, it’s been tough. But we found a way. Go to SPNFamilyValues.com and follow the instructions there, then screenshot it and send that in as proof.

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32 POINTS

I keep losing my stuff. Invent a Misha-proof AirPod-finding solution that is NOT a cord, because that defeats the entire point of AirPods - and one that works when they’re not charged. Show it in use.

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48 POINTS

Ugly Holiday sweaters are great, but with the climate crisis heating up the planet, we’ve got to branch out. Model your best ugly Holiday bathing suit or bikini made of repurposed ugly holiday sweaters. Model it at the beach with a caption touting the virtues of your “Global Warming Holiday Sweater.”

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108 POINTS

There’s regular golf, and mini-golf, but where are all the maxi-golf courses? We want to see it all - the giant putters, the huge balls, and of course, the windmill.

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45 POINTS

The world is heating up! Time for an old-fashioned kids game that we all know: Hot Planet. With at least 8 people in a public place, play a game of Hot Potato with a reddened globe of the planet Earth. Everyone must be wearing oven mitts and summer wear and not be fazed by the heat, except for one person who is dressed in a suit with a red tie and a Donald Trump mask. Trump isn’t wearing mitts and his hands are covered in blisters and while he tries to hide it when the globe gets to his hands, it really hurts.

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67 POINTS

Edited To Add Rainbows:

(UP TO 30 SECONDS). A high-speed giant game of red rover played by at least 50 wedding guests. One spouse must be the one flung across the field. The other must be running after her holding the train of a wedding gown or veil. - Inspired by mdsteele47

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95 POINTS

TWO PICTURES SIDE-BY-SIDE IN ONE IMAGE. I always feel a lot of guilt about the tattoo items in GISH. The first time I added one, I thought it was funny until I saw the tatts and then I felt a little bad. Of course, it gives me a rush of power when I see them in person, and many of them are actually very cool... So I have an idea that allows me to keep feeling powerful, but takes away all of my guilt: Get a tattoo of the encouraging message you wish your higher self had written to get you through the tough times. Because I know many of you already have inspiring tattoos, you must submit two images. The first is an image of you getting the tattoo when you are halfway done at the tattoo parlor, in the chair, holding a sign that reads, “GISH made me do it.” The second image is of the finished tattoo. If you can, include your triumphant face. (Don’t include more than 2 images in your submission. Just one image with two photos side by side.)

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24 POINTS

Choose a sport you’ve never played before. Go do it with your coach: a child under the age of 10 who is an experienced participant. - Inspired by Coach Odette Padalecki

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94 POINTS

Recreate a Civil War-era photograph with Captain America, Iron Man, and/or their respective sides using the Woodburytype photography technique. As always, no Photoshop allowed unless specified. This one does not allow it.

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62 POINTS

Why have chain letters, when you can have chain mail? Create an intricate medieval knight’s suit of armor entirely out of junk mail, with chain mail comprised of chain letters. Must include a junk mail shield, sword, and a codpiece (to protect your “junk”).

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135 POINTS

Someone turned your local parking lot into your favorite childhood board game! Using sidewalk chalk or removable tempera, transform at least 5000 square feet of pavement into an enlarged version of your favorite childhood board game. Using a drone’s eye-view, show the whole board (complete with people costumed as game pieces playing).

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141 POINTS

(UP TO 30 SECONDS) Garfield phones keep washing up on beaches in France. As you know, that’s because mermaids love cats, so there’s a mermaid call center operation down there selling these phones on QVSea. Show us the QVSea commercial for these phones, as pitched by a mer-spokesperson. Oh, and it should go without saying, but all of this is taking place underwater.

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64 POINTS

(UP TO 60 SECONDS). A real barbershop quartet singing a passage from the Mueller Report in front of a federally elected political leader’s office.

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48 POINTS

(UP TO 30 SECONDS) Talk to an elderly person over 80 and learn all about the best day of their life so far. Then, create a diorama of their best day in a small empty tin or box and give it to them. The video should show them briefly describing the memory and then you presenting them with the diorama. Make sure we get to see the diorama you made and their reaction, too.

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59 POINTS

Write a formal, one-page letter to Gina Haspel, the current Director of the CIA. In it you must outline a plausible, one-page decoding of the fourth Kryptos. The letter must frame the description as an urgent matter and must seamlessly deploy the term “wild unicorn training centers around the globe”. Post a photo of your letter on social media and tag @CIA.

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27 POINTS

Conspiracy theorists need to get with the times! Update the tinfoil hat to reflect technological innovations.

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33 POINTS

Create MAILWHES, The Most Amazing, Intimidating Letterbox The World Has Ever Seen: a mailbox so amazing, so intimidating, so horrifying that your mail carrier will never dare leave you another piece of junk mail again. There must be teeth around the mail slot or opening.

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64 POINTS

FAST-MOTION. At my friend Philip’s wedding, Giles Duley, myself and a few other forward-thinking innovators devised a new product and we would like to beta test the concept with you. It’s called: SoupFace and it involves eating soup from a bowl made from a mold of your face. First, create a mold of your face and create a bowl from food-grade silicone or food-safe resin or similar material. (Take all necessary safety precautions.) The exterior of the bowl should look like your face, and the interior should fit your face. Once it’s cured, fill it with warm soup. Consume the soup without using a utensil and when the soup is gone and your face is back in the wet mold. Lift the SoupFace mold off the table without using your hands so you are wearing it as a mask.

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59 POINTS

As all diehard Supernatural fans know, “Assbutt” was a featured player in Season 5, Episode 22 of the show, but the episode ran long and Assbutt’s scene was left on the cutting room floor. Rectify this oversight by releasing the never-before-seen cut of this scene.

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39 POINTS

TRIPTYCH. Dawid Planeta illustrates his depression as mysterious creatures. In a 3-panel illustration, show your biggest fear or struggle as a symbolic creature with which you gradually come to terms. Label it so we know what your creature represents.

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73 POINTS

A lot of people use their cell phones while in the bathroom, which is really gross. We understand that it can get boring in there, though. Help people break society’s screen addiction with our new solution: Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter toilet paper! Re-create a verified social media account on a roll of toilet paper- images and all. Scroll away—but don’t read the comments. (They’re crap.) Install it in a public bathroom as a public service.

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47 POINTS

Send noods! There’s been an epidemic of people sending explicit noodle photos to unsuspecting people. We believe consent is important, and in this case, we consent—with some STRICT caveats: Recreate a TASTEFUL image of a famous nude painting or sculpture in noodles ONLY and then post it on social media tagged #SendNoods. Submit your actual image and a link to the tweet in your comments.

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38 POINTS

Ask a child aged 5 or under what their greatest fear is. Create and photograph or film a scene of you and them conquering this fear together. - Kristin L.

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28 POINTS

Cement your own joy.

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244 POINTS

Angry birds. Flappy birds. Candy Crush. All those other games are so boring compared to GISH: The Game! Build an app game for the GISH App. It must feature a GISH mascot and integrate fully into the GISH App. Full specs for integration can be found here.

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39 POINTS

(F)underwear.

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72 POINTS

Each day, one member of your team must find one broken thing to upcycle and give to someone in need. Take a photo and, at the end of the Hunt week, submit a collage of the 7 now-useful items your team has gathered, refurbished, and donated. (You may not use a bicycle, but you may use a unicycle or tricycle.) - Inspired by Monica D.

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38 POINTS

The ’80s are back, and we can’t escape all that goes with them: including stereoscopic images. Make a stereoscopic “Magic Eye” image of something that scares you as much as ‘80s fashion scares us.

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62 POINTS

LOCATION-BASED. Outside a migrant detention center, lift a massive banner using balloons, drones, or telescoping poles at least 10 feet high with a message like, “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me.” “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong.” Be responsible with your balloons. Don’t let them fly away or burst and leave shards anywhere.

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67 POINTS

An upscale art gallery opening at a landfill. All exhibits must be made from things found at the landfill. One professional art critic must be present to review the works.

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256 POINTS

(UP TO 60 SECONDS.) Plane air painting: A wing-walker on a biplane, painting a picture on a canvas of the landscape from their point of view. Show us the painting as it’s happening, and then the completed painting being held by the wing-walker.

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49 POINTS

A signer performing the National Anthem silently in sign language on a field at a stadium that seats more than 5,000, with a sizeable crowd of spectators. You may not wing it on this one. You must find someone fluent in sign to do this or to teach you how to do it & coach you through it.

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42 POINTS

I’m not saying Jared Padalecki is a big softie, but here’s a portrait of him toasted onto a marshmallow. Just the way it should be.

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40 POINTS

Nobody’s more devoted or grateful to firefighters than we are, except maybe a dalmatian. Or Smokey the Bear. Go to your local fire station dressed as a dalmatian or Smokey the Bear and create a relaxation station to thank them for their work. You can bring treats, offer mani-pedis, foot or shoulder massages, aromatherapy... You get the idea.

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69 POINTS

Over the years, Jensen Ackles has been depicted in Skittles, but we all know his character Dean loves pie. Let’s do a crossover: Bake a Skittles pie with a portrait of Jensen baked into the upper crust. Lattice work in the top crust should allow you to see the Skittles inside behind Jensen. Here’s some inspiration..

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66 POINTS

TIMELAPSE. Create a th?thạch rau câu (Vietnamese Jelly Cake) portrait of a classic movie monster. You may not use the blob. We must see the injection process and your completed jelly cake.

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51 POINTS

In Chengdu, China, kung fu tea (long spout, performance tea pouring) is popular. But it was just a matter of time before it was appropriated by other cultures. Show us a barista performing the Mengding Mountain 18 Forms of Dragon Flying Postures Kung Fu Tea pour at a Starbucks.

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47 POINTS

An actual lumberjack working up on a tree with an impressive, long beard made out of googly eyes.

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77 POINTS

(Up to 30 seconds) A stop-motion animation of a life-saving first aid technique (CPR, the Heimlich maneuver, etc.) featuring dolls or puppets in crisis.

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178 POINTS

Danish artist Thomas Dambo creates massive wooden giants from recycled materials and installs them in Copenhagen forests. That’s great, but some giants prefer urban living. Build a hipster giant that’s at least 8’ (2.4m) tall from recycled materials and place it in the middle of a busy city or town.

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22 POINTS

Not all insects aspire to just be insects. Some have ambitions and hobbies! Without harming it, get a live fly, beetle, roach or other insect to sit on a sheet of paper and doodle an environment around it showing it at its job or hobby.

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75 POINTS

An actual space suit with a GISH 2019 patch on it next to the national flag.

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23 POINTS

The Enterprise wasn’t the only vehicle in the not-so-final frontier. Show us Star Trek covered wagons. Tweet your image to @WilliamShatner with the message “Admit it, Bill. This is how you really voyaged.” You may use Photoshop for this item. Submit your image, along with a LINK to your tweet in your submission comments for points.

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72 POINTS

The insect world is under-appreciated, but they are tiny works of art. Create a realistic-looking, oversized detailed sculpture of an underappreciated arachnid or insect out of bread, ice, or marble, the way Michaelangelo would have done if he’d had the time. You may not make a dragonfly, ladybug, butterfly or any other insect that has already been socially normalized as “cute”. - Inspired by Kat F.

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49 POINTS

The Wondersmith makes surprise, fantastical parties in the forests of Oregon, which we find lovely. Set up a surprise party for hikers at least ½ a mile from a rest area that’s clearly been created by forest-dwelling fairies and/or trolls (that’s you). Make sure it’s welcoming, and capture the moment you’re surprising them— both you and the hikers should be in the image. They must be real hikers and strangers to you—don’t bring in ringers, or you’ll anger the fairy queen.

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43 POINTS

Love makes the world go round. Build a machine that uses love to spin a globe.

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160 POINTS

COLLAGE. In the Western United States, there are mountain monograms, giant glyphs of letters that are often there for no discernable reason. Create your own Mountain Monograms out of natural materials to craft a message with purpose. Submit a photo of your glyph message that says something inspiring to the birds and planes that fly over it. Your message must be at least 2 words long, with each letter at least 6 feet tall and each letter must be on separate peaks. You may not do this on protected land.

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37 POINTS

The London Zoo has a pair of penguins who are out and proud, but they didn’t get to march in Pride because they are penguins in a zoo. We think that’s just wrong. Dress up in penguin suits and march through your town with rainbow flags to show your support for Penguin and LGBTQIA+ Pride.

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58 POINTS

TIMELAPSE. This means something… Subtractive food sculpture. Start with a block of cheese or a massive mountain of mashed potatoes and without using tools, eat your way to an ornate re-creation of a famous statue.

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29 POINTS

You’ve heard of a scarecrow, but let’s see a straw-stuffed scarevolleyballplayer at the beach.

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84 POINTS

(UP TO 30 SECONDS) In 2020, we’re gonna need a 30-second GISH ad worthy of airing during the Super Bowl, advertising the latest in summer refreshment: “GISH.”

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45 POINTS

Misha doesn’t have a ton of skills other than “acting on camera”, but he does try hard. He’s also at a potential career transition point. Help him explore other career paths by creating a poster of him photoshopped doing another job you think he’d be suited for.

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31 POINTS

Ben Ferencz started each dinner table conversation with his children by asking them, “What did you do today to make the world a better place?” Wake up tomorrow and take a specific, positive action to make the world a better/nicer/happier/prettier place with a child as your assistant. Then show us what you did.

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34 POINTS

LOCATION-BASED. Some people long to have a picnic at the Longaberger Basket Building, and you and your friends are no different. But size matters! Enjoy a to-scale picnic on the grounds in front of the building- giant fruits and sandwiches, etc. No Photoshop just forced perspective.

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58 POINTS

It’s an ineffable Good Omen to see Aziraphale and Crowley sharing a hot fudge sundae on Sunday. Post your picture on social media tagged #GoodOmens and @neilhimself. Bonus points if the sundae is eaten at a Sundae School on Cape Cod.

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23 POINTS

A Cairn Terrier. (His name is Rocky. He won’t come when he’s called.)

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48 POINTS

(UP TO 30 SECONDS). One of our Gishers was able to help her mom act FAST and responded in time to help her with a stroke. Last we heard, her mom is okay, but she can’t play this year so in her honor, it’s time for a quick refresher on recognizing a stroke. Do a rendition of “Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes” with some kind of lyrics like: “Face, Arms, Speech, Call in Time (don’t waste time)! Face, Arms, Speech, Call in Time (don’t waste time)! When someone’s had a stroke their life is on the line! Face, Arms, Speech, Call in Time (don’t waste time)” with the appropriate movements. Include a link to the National Stroke Association and GISH on a final card of your video (You can hold a sign up or add an end card digitally). You may also add the link in your YouTube description, if you like. Post it on social media tagged #GISH, @robbenedict, and @american_stroke. - Inspired by Nicole’s mom

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41 POINTS

A Mom-and-Pop shop that sells Moms and Pops. (New and used.) Show a young child making a purchase.

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36 POINTS

(AUDIO UP TO 90 SECONDS) We’re auditioning new anchors for G-ISH, GISH RADIO! Send us a clip of your team’s broadcast debut as you discuss the climate crisis’ effect on sea levels with a real, noted expert in the field.

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63 POINTS

Tatsuya Tanaka creates miniature worlds with everyday objects. His scenes are whimsical, which is how the world should be... but is not always how tiny-world actually is. Create a miniature, dismal and tragic scene using small reimagined objects.

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15 POINTS

Write your resume as a haiku.

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34 POINTS

8554J46H+FH. You, the Carrot God, have summoned them.

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95 POINTS

(GRID). The hot new trading card battle game is GISHémon! Create a trading card for each of your team mates with their photo and stats (location, Gisher type, powers, etc.) as the powerful kindness monsters they are. We must see each teammate’s unobscured face for it to count. Photo editing is okay.

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55 POINTS

Little known fact: when an avocado is fully ripe, it hatches. Show us the tiny, intricately carved creature sleeping inside (which you’ve carved from the pit).

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100

24 POINTS

TIMELAPSE. Write a phrase on a piece of wood of something negative you say about yourself to silence yourself or hold yourself back. Burn the wood and the phrase in a fireplace or fire pit. Use the ashes to write something affirming about your strong self on a sheet of white paper.

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101

30 POINTS

The heir to the throne of France was known as the Dauphin, French for “dolphin”. According to Donald Trump, the heir to the British throne is the Prince of... Whales? Illustrate a meeting of these two majestic undersea figures, with Macron and Prince Charles as their respective attendants. (This may be photoshopped or, for bonus points, live action.)

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102

31 POINTS

Reach out to a senior in your family or community and ask them about a commercially made snack or dish from their childhood that brings them fond memories—something that just doesn’t exist anymore. Try to recreate it based on their description, then share your creation with them and record their assessment.

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103

23 POINTS

A carbon footprint on a globe.

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104

58 POINTS

A motorized vehicle with cheese wheels. It can be a motorcycle, tricycle, or 4-wheel vehicle, but it must have cheese wheels made from actual cheese.

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105

320 POINTS

Get Donald Trump, Mike Pence, Jeff Sessions, Jair Bolsonaro, Boris Johnson, or any other duplicitous, nationalistic high-ranking politician to tell the absolute, verifiable truth about any controversial and uncomfortable (for them) topic they normally lie to the public about. It must really be the real person, not an actor or someone in a mask. You must be able to verify the facts through a nonpartisan, independent source. (This may be our first truly impossible item.)

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106

48 POINTS

A bacterial culture petri dish portrait of Jonas Salk. Tweet this to Melinda Gates thanking her for her work vaccinating children.

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107

24 POINTS

Create a haiku for an animal on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species that tells of the animal’s plight and why we should protect it. Next to the haiku, include a hand-drawn picture or origami sculpture of the animal.

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108

79 POINTS

Stonehenge was cool, but it just wasn’t built with sustainability or environmental impact in mind, so now we’re stuck with ancient druid clutter by the side of the road. As a modern druidic architect, you know better. Next to a highway, build an architecturally significant henge out of 100% recycled materials that represent our current culture. (Cardboardhenge, Styrofoamhenge, LaCroixCanhenge, etc). Stonehenge is 30’ (9.1m) tall, but don’t worry—yours can be as short as 1:3 scale—but it must include at least one dolmen.

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109

96 POINTS

An elaborate hinged, Faberge-style Easter egg that opens to reveal Trump & Putin embracing.

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110

21 POINTS

LOCATION-BASED. Play “the floor is lava” in front of the Osservatorio Vesuviano in Pompeii. If you can’t get to Pompeii, you can play it at any Olive Garden, as long as you get other diners to join in.

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111

38 POINTS

SIDE-BY-SIDE. COLLABORATIVE. Swap-meet day! Use the GISH app to coordinate with at least 5 other Gishers in your area to meet up and hold a yard sale. Except, this is not a yard-sale, it’s a yard-giveaway: the GISH Community Bazaar. Bring as many items as you can bear to part with and set up shop. And remember, no money must change hands and no bartering! All items must be gifted to passers-by and everything must go!

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112

24 POINTS

A jello mold with a funeral scene inside.

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113

18 POINTS

COLLABORATIVE. In Uppsala, Sweden, there is a tradition called the Flogsta Scream. Every night at 10 pm, students at university stop what they are doing to let out a collective, primal scream from their rooftops and dorms. This tradition shouldn’t be exclusive to Sweden, so at 6PM on Friday, August 2rd, get together with as many Gishers and other humans as you can in a public setting and let out one deep, primitive, collective howl.

PS: We’re still #sorrynotsorry, Sweden.

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114

46 POINTS

The best part about being in the hospital is the couture. Hold a hospital gown fashion show in your local hospital to show off red-carpet-worthy hospital gowns of your creation. Glam it up and walk (or roll) the runway with any patients that might be able and willing to participate… and don’t forget the slip-proof socks!

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115

48 POINTS

SIDE-BY-SIDE. Bring an old bike back to life with a flourish—make it the most beautiful bike in the world. Give it to someone to someone in need. Submit photos of the bike before and after refurbishment, side-by-side. - Item Written By Misha’s Mom

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116

40 POINTS

MONTAGE. Basic Training can be hell, and the military needs our support! Create a video of you and your team collecting and packing “basics” to send to a currently deployed serviceperson. The catch: your video should emulate a “basic training” montage from a movie-obstacles courses, bucket brigades, etc. (You must actually ship the goods, choosing ONLY from this list or a similar approved list for your country of origin: CLICK HERE) - Jennifer W.

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117

45 POINTS

This year, we lost a beloved furry friend, Peter Mayhew (the actor who played Chewbacca). In honor of his memory, create a felted Chewbacca out of your pet’s hair.

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118

46 POINTS

TIMELAPSE. The LGBTQIA community struggles a lot with erasure. Make sure everyone feels seen: create a portrait of an iconic LGBTQIA person by first filling up a page with a rainbow of colored pencils or pastels, then use an eraser to lift out the negative space, leaving the colored portrait behind. Include a message letting them know they are seen and loved. Post it to social media and tag the person, if they’re on social media, then submit your portrait with the link (if any) in the comments. (This may be done in oil pastels as well.)

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119

82 POINTS

SIDE-BY-SIDE. Some people really do have eyes in the back of their head. Before and after images of a person with long hair, and then their head shaved and a recognizable portrait of their own face shaved onto the back of their own head. (Donate the hair to a non-profit organization that makes wigs for cancer patients.)

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120

26 POINTS

Neil Armstrong stepped on to the Moon 50 years ago. To memorialize this amazing achievement, make your own “One Small Step” monument. Take a Giant Leap for mankind and put your foot somewhere it has never been before and probably should not go, then show us the resulting footprint.

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121

33 POINTS

SIDE-BY-SIDE. You know those garden gnomes that dotted your grandmother’s backyard? Well, it’s been a while and now they have fallen on hard times. They have turned to a life of crime and misanthropy. Their little gnome hearts are filled with despair, hatred, and regret. Show us the before and after.

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122

131 POINTS

The next time that Earth’s magnetic poles reverse themselves, your magnetic compass won’t be much help navigating. Fortunately, you remember a mention from a history class of a “south-facing chariot” [SFC] invented in China some 2500 years ago. To be better prepared for the coming magnetic mélange, you have decided to build a functioning SFC so that you can always find your way home. Of course, your SFC will be topped with an assbutt and your chariot will be modeled after a 1967 Impala.

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123

81 POINTS

Everyone goes to visit the Southernmost Point in Key West, FL, but it really never gets to travel. We’re changing that. Make a 1:2 replica of the Southernmost Point and take it on holiday to the Westernmost, Northernmost, or Easternmost points of the US or any landmass. Take a photo with it at the nearest marker or tourist attraction to prove you were there, and submit with the location and coordinates in your comments.

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124

23 POINTS

Put your face somewhere it absolutely does not belong. Not a picture of your face. Your real face. In that place. Where it should NOT be! (Keep it clean. My mother will see this.)

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125

33 POINTS

Senator Ted Cruz is worried about pirates in space. Seriously. He is. Well, we are pretty sure that his fears are well-founded. Let’s prove it to him: Show us space pirates in action. Tweet your picture to him at @tedcruz (and be sure to use the #GISHSpacePirates hashtag!)

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126

71 POINTS

Last year we asked you to put wings on something that absolutely should not fly and prove that it can. One team (Team Schnitzeljaeger) made a pizza box fly. For this year, make a pizza fly (sans box). You may not throw it in the air, drop it, or fling it. It must attain flight through some mechanical means. Just the pizza. Not the box. The pizza must fly from near ground level to at least 50’ high and must travel horizontally at least 100 feet by any means. Must be edible and consumed after it lands.

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127

46 POINTS

LOCATION BASED. UPDATE: Bad news! GISH HQ has just received a bulletin that Dalton Highway is a moose-free zone this week, so your new task is: meet-up at any safe landmark denoting the Arctic Circle. If you absolutely can’t make it to the Arctic Circle, you may do this at their other favorite location: any Timmy Hortons. Having a moose in the picture is optional, but preferred. Being dressed as a moose is mandatory.

The Dalton Highway stretches 414 miles from Fairbanks to Prudhoe Bay, Alaska. About halfway along it there is a roadside marker denoting crossing into the Arctic Circle. Send us a photo of you standing next to the marker.

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128

56 POINTS

SIDE-BY-SIDE. We’re creating the GISH International Forest! Go out and plant as many trees as you can and add your trees to THIS MAP. Once you plant them, you will become their stewards, so choose your location wisely: make sure you’re allowed to plant there and that the trees are native so they can flourish. Add a small, eco-friendly sign with GISH INTERNATIONAL FOREST, GISH.com and your team’s name on it. Submit your photo along with a screenshot of its place on the map and number of trees you planted in the comments. If you can’t plant a tree on your own for reasons of mobility, hospitalization, etc, a donation to OTP of at least one tree will suffice, but you still have to tell us approximately where they are and how many trees you planted and add them to our map.

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129

44 POINTS

This year is the 150th anniversary of the first Transcontinental Railroad, which opened up rapid (for the time) access across the United States. The original event in 1869 was celebrated as the Central Pacific Railroad locomotive “Jupiter” and the Union Pacific Railroad locomotive #119 came nose-to-nose as a Golden Spike was driven into the final section of track. Well, we firmly believe that every good anniversary deserves cake! Recreate the Jupiter, or #119, or both, made entirely from cake.

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130

26 POINTS

A cyanotype photo of junk-food wrapping or junk-food.

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131

61 POINTS

You have accepted a new position with the Mars Tourism Bureau. To attract potential visitors to the wonderful Mars climate, you plan to inform them of the daily environmental trends. Create a 15-second video weather report, complete with temperature and wind descriptions and get a real weathercaster dressed as an alien to report it on local news during a live broadcast.

Note: Your Mars weather information must be real and correct for the day you submit your video! We will be checking!

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132

132 POINTS

A very large balance scale. (The kind of old-fashioned scale that we think of when we say, “the scales of justice.”) On one side, at least 5 very wealthy-looking people. On the other, at least 5 very impoverished-looking people. The scales are tipped in favor of the elite. Find a way to balance the scales.

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133

22 POINTS

Everyone talks about “viral videos.” We think we know what those are. Share a GISH video of a biological (not technological) virus and get it to go “viral” with at least 1,000 likes. It must include GISH.com in the video and text in the video to count. Post a screenshot of your post with at least 1,000 Likes on it. #ViralVirus

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134

81 POINTS

(UP TO 30 SECONDS). It’s time for GIFF - the GISH International Film Festival! Create a 30-second horror film. Noted author Neil Gaiman tweeted: “You’ve got a week to rob a bank using only a rattlesnake, radioactive uranium and a bottle of whiskey.” “Jed here has a week to steal a battleship using a goat, a can of gold paint, and three resin models of Warren G. Harding. Go!” Use either prompt as the plot of your GIFF film. Post your film on social media and be sure to tag #GISH and @neilhimself, then submit the video and the link to your post in comments.

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135

51 POINTS

The aliens have been in Area 51 for decades. Why do they stay? Because of all the amenities, of course. Show us the leisurely life of aliens at Area 51: the best Retirement Community in the Universe! We want to see elderly aliens playing shuffleboard, mahjong, and bingo, getting alien spa treatments, doing tai chi and pilates... You get the idea. Post your submission to social media tagged #GISH, #Area51 & #SocialSecurityCheXFiles

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136

37 POINTS

COLLABORATIVE. Join the movement to cross-stitch what you care about: create a cross-stitch picket sign for a cause you believe in. Connect with at least 2 other teams and craft a protest march on a street corner. - Item Written By Misha’s Mom

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137

38 POINTS

Megan Rapinoe reminds us all that despite equal skill, women are often not treated to a level playing field in business. Show us a team of female office workers playing soccer in traditional business attire opposite men with a ball that says “EQUAL PAY.” The women, of course, should score.

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138

26 POINTS

The most stressful spa environment ever. - Lynette

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139

126 POINTS

Recently, a mylar balloon from Disney’s Frozen was found on the bottom of the ocean floor… Clearly leftover from an undersea birthday party. Show us the underwater party, including the birthday person blowing out the candles on their cake. PS: Your mother doesn’t live there! DO NOT leave a mess or impact sea life.

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140

37 POINTS

UPDATED TO REMOVE PATRIARCHY. Now that Donald Trump is president, people around the world have squandered billions of hours talking/worrying/complaining about him. Have an economist calculate the cost to the global economy of these lost hours. They must show their work and be a professor of economics.

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141

31 POINTS

Part of your job for the Mars Tourism bureau is managing PR. Design a brochure or poster that convinces people to visit our timeshare at Scenic Mt. gishwhes (on Mars).

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142

33 POINTS

We just celebrated the 50th anniversary of the moon landing. Prove it was faked.

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143

91 POINTS

Thanks to modern technology, we can relax and watch TV virtually anywhere, even in the loo—but we still can’t kick back on the porcelain throne and relax while we do. Create a toilet recliner to solve this problem.

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144

37 POINTS

You thought they said, “Get Out the GOAT.” Be the Greatest Of All Time by co-hosting a voter registration booth with a goat.

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145

70 POINTS

Mary Poppins and the Demogorgon from Stranger Things both loved hanging around in the Upside down! Create a convincing image of you having upside-down high tea on the ceiling with Mary Poppins and a Demogorgon. Post it to social media and tag the Stranger Things accounts and GISH. - Inspired by TessaMac

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146

53 POINTS

Every year, I send Gishers to visit my grandmother at Roland Park Place retirement home in Baltimore, Maryland, and this year is no different. Visit her retirement community (or any nursing home or community near you) and help the residents escape—metaphorically, of course. Take them on a tropical getaway by staging an impromptu beach party! Between the hours of 1 PM ET—3 PM ET on Monday, July 29 and Wed July 31 only, bring flower leis, small flowers, pre-packaged treats (nothing homemade), postcards with kind notes on them and/or a ukulele or guitar to sing with them. Ask them to reminisce about the happiest summer vacation they ever took. (PS: No bathing suits and leave the sand home, please. Hawaiian shirts are fine.)

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147

73 POINTS

COLLABORATIVE. The evening of Sunday, July 28 is the event of the year: the #WeJustMetGala! Get together with Gishers in your area at your local museum in the strangest, fanciest attire you can create—go so all-out, you make Billy Porter jealous. Roll out the red carpet and a banner, then convince strangers passing by to pose with you for red carpet pictures. Be fabulous! We must see the museum in the background, and there must be paparazzi. Post your images and videos to social media and tag #WeJustMetGala, #GISH & @theebillyporter, then submit your image or video to us with the link to your social media post in the comments.

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148

31 POINTS

You know that this is the 50th anniversary of Woodstock. But did you know that Woodstock the bird from Peanuts first appeared 2 years earlier? In 1967? So actually Woodstock the bird is 52. He’s drunk a lot of beer over the years and can’t hide it, but he is vain, so he’s had lots of work done. Tons of collagen and botox. He wears a toupee. He dyes his feathers. Show us what he looks like today.

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149

81 POINTS

SIDE-BY-SIDE. A Jackson Pollock paint-by-numbers kit: before, and after it’s been painted. Don’t try to find an existing kit. Make your own. (No cheating- follow the numbers!)

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150

47 POINTS

A ukiyo-e woodblock print depicting an image of your worst nightmare. (Caption it so we know what it is.)

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151

21 POINTS

You know how they keep making movies out of games? Like the Pikachu movie? Or Battleship: The Movie? Why don’t they ever go after the real money and make poems out of these properties? Write Battleship the poem, or Pikachu the poem. Must be at least 10 lines long.

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152

63 POINTS

Birthday wishes are getting fulfilled so much faster since we automated processing. Show us a Rube Goldberg machine that is activated by a child under 10 blowing out candles on a birthday cake, and ends with the thing they wished for being delivered into their hands.

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153

41 POINTS

I said no more ponies in the living room, and I meant it! But unicorns are totally okay.

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154

37 POINTS

(UP TO 90 SECONDS) It’s GISH University, Year 2! Each person on your team must attempt to learn a new skill they have never tried before and document the experience, including the first attempt.

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155

33 POINTS

SIDE-BY-SIDE. Thar’s plastic in them thar waters! A prospector panning for microplastics on a public beach. Craft jewelry from anything you collect and show it to us.

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156

47 POINTS

EDIT: CLIMATE CHANGE HAS THWARTED US AGAIN! Liss Ard is closed due to flooding. But the angels still need to unwind, so let’s see angels shooting pool and knocking back a few beers at a sketchy dive bar instead. Bonus points if there’s a Hell’s Angel in the mix. Note: You will still get points if you completed the earlier version of this item.

LOCATION-BASED. Where do angels go for tea? To the sky garden, of course! Depict two angels having tea while seated on a cloud on the edge of the Liss Ard Sky Garden in Ireland. Photograph them from the central plinth so it appears they are hovering in the sky.

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157

37 POINTS

A hand-made kite that looks just like the face of that famous person you look up to, high in the sky.

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158

249 POINTS

TIMELAPSE. Oceanic exploration shouldn’t just be for the elite. Companies are working on making exploration affordable, but we need something now. Drop a camera and a light in a tiny, weighted, protected housing with a window on a line (so you can pull it back up). Just outside the window a common object filled with air. Like an aluminum water bottle, or a balloon animal, or something made of styrofoam. Lower everything at least 1000 feet below sea level. The camera should be rolling so we can see at what point your object gets crushed by the pressure of the ocean. You cannot contract a submersible company and cannot pay for this to be done—this is a DIY project only. Oh, and keep it green: you must retract the line or you will be docked points. If you leave any piece of this in the ocean, including the line, we’re docking you points.

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159

7 POINTS

Right a great American novel. This is not a typo.

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160

51 POINTS

The lunar ticks are in the hall… Pink Floyd knew what was up. Show us what the lunar ticks on the dark side of the moon look like (you know, because you have a specimen preserved in a jar in your front hall.)

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161

81 POINTS

Thirsty for a challenge? Build a puzzle jug. Show you building it, then someone else figuring it out and successfully drinking from it.

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162

77 POINTS

GRID. Thomas Deininger makes amazing representational sculptures out of found objects. Using EVERY piece of non-recyclable, inorganic trash you generate during the Hunt, create a 3-dimensional, representational self-portrait. EVERY member of your team must do this.

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163

39 POINTS

Edited For Internationality:

Paint a Jenga set with your national flag’s colors. On each one write a word or phrase representing laws from your constitution. Get two real opposing politicians (national or regional) to play. See how many they can remove before this whole thing collapses.

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164

223 POINTS

“Fake news” was bad enough, but it’s pervading all media now and we can’t believe anything we see. Create a Deep Fake of Misha Collins complimenting Donald Trump. (We put this item in at the last minute after Misha’s final read-through of the list, so he doesn’t know about it. Don’t tip him off. We just want to see his reaction. You know, because he loves Donald Trump so much. This must be actual, digital Deep Fake footage (google it), not you in a mask, and not just a voice over or clever edit, to count. Video must be at least 5 seconds in length.

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165

42 POINTS

Apparently, once upon a time, the US government weaponized ticks. (Really.) Show us a pinboard with an example of a tiny, weaponized tick, complete with Rambo-style military gear and assault rifles.

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166

43 POINTS

Love has no borders, and neither does fun. Show two people on opposite sides of an international border crossing or wall playing a game such as charades, Pictionary, or another game that does not require them to touch or pass goods across the border.

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167

36 POINTS

TIMELAPSE. Last year, we suggested Gishers melt a message into a glacier or iceberg with a laser and received lots of complaints. We now recognize that people melting words into icebergs for scavenger hunts is one of the biggest problems facing our environment today. Have a climate scientist calculate the volume of water produced by, let’s say, 10,000 people melting eleven 6’ tall letters, 2” deep in an iceberg. Then have them calculate the amount of water produced by the additional melting caused by a .5 degree global temperature increase. Show us the numbers and analysis so we know how bad Misha should feel.

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168

28 POINTS

Check out a book from a local small-town library that hasn’t been checked out in at least 20 years. Submit a photo of you holding up the book with the stamped inner jacket showing the dates or other visual proof of this stellar feat.

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169

159 POINTS

SIDE-BY-SIDE. Tiny homes help those experiencing homelessness be a little safer and have dignity, but they’re hard to move around, and that presents a problem. Create blueprints for a Tiny Home that is durable and large enough for an adult to comfortably walk into through a door, yet can be folded down into a flat cart on with wheels for mobility and made of ultra-lightweight materials.

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170

119 POINTS

Climb ev’ry mountain! Like most nuns, Mother Abbess was an avid climber. Show us a nun in a full habit, rappelling down a steep grade of mountain.

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171

88 POINTS

(Up to 30 seconds) Get a well-known sportscaster to do a play-by-play for a real wedding.

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172

40 POINTS

They say that to perform CPR, you should compress someone’s chest to the beat of “Staying Alive” by the BeeGees. Get CPR certification while dressed in 70s disco attire.

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173

31 POINTS

Gishers have become nationals of Westarctica and other micronations, but it’s time we claimed our own land. Since nobody else has done it, we’re officially claiming the Great Pacific Garbage Patch as New Gishlandia! Help us with our micronation building: Create a flag, a national anthem, a crest, a statue of our Founder or a propaganda poster (all material items should be constructed solely from plastic trash).

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174

45 POINTS

The Gabra people of northern Kenya are a nomadic people who believe in living in balance with the environment and live by the tenet, “a poor man shames us all.” Mutual support is imperative in their culture, and no one is allowed to go without food, shelter, or hospitality—something the whole world could learn from. Take a page from the Gabra and go on a nomadic journey through your neighborhood, bringing with you as much food and water as you can carry along with cards with phone numbers and addresses for local shelters. Bring sustenance, hydration, and support to anyone in need you find, and document your journey including how far you traveled and how many people you helped along. Anyone appearing in the video must give permission.

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175

41 POINTS

Update For Climate Change:

Climate change has us thwarted, but you can’t keep a Gisher down! Do what floats your boat, but do it in a homemade boat of 100% recycled materials. PS: Your boat MUST float. LOCATION-BASED. Do something you’ve always been told you can’t, or shouldn’t, do while at (or outside) the Forbidden Corner in Coverham, England.

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176

68 POINTS

You look so festive with your “real avocado leather” purse or shoes made from avocado peels. - Inspired by Debbie M.

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177

31 POINTS

Remember FloJo? Florence Griffith Joyner a world-record-setting Olympic athlete whose long, intricately painted fingernails made her an 80s style legend. Times marches on, and now instead of FloJo, we’ve got BoJo—but style trends endure. Paint a portrait of Boris Johnson, FloJo style—on your excessively long acrylic pinky nail.

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178

28 POINTS

When you want to say something sweet to your loved one, you always use s’mores code.

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179

90 POINTS

Walking on water is so 2,000 years ago--but it’s a timeless tradition. Construct shoes that allow someone to walk on water. You may not be standing on anything that’s under the water and the water must be at least 6 feet deep. You must be in a lake, pond, river or ocean. NOT a swimming pool. You must take at least 6 steps. No stilts in the water. No super shallow water.

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180

41 POINTS

Create a 6 ft by 6 ft painting using only your body, paint, and a white sheet for a canvas. Bonus points if you manage to create representational art. - Kamila B.

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181

36 POINTS

On today’s segment of your cooking show, we learn how to make your world-renowned recipe for dessert haggis.

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182

16 POINTS

You know that feeling, when there’s a word on the tip of your tongue but you just can’t seem to say it? Show us that word. On the tip of your tongue. - @baileysaurusrex

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183

31 POINTS

My favorite poet, Mary Oliver, passed away recently. In tribute, make a video showcasing the top highlights of your team’s week and end it with the quote “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” - Inspired by The Plaid Fox

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184

63 POINTS

We’ve seen the pictures of dogs catching treats by German photographer Christian Vieler. Let’s see a high-speed photo of your teammate catching treats in the same style and photographic detail. -Kandace

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185

28 POINTS

SIDE-BY-SIDE. Hasan Minhaj rightly points out that there are many places in the US (and the world) with offensive names. We’re all for a good Assbutt, North Dakota or ****, Michigan, but if it’s racist or marginalizes a group we’re opposed. Find a place on the map or a street name that celebrates a known racist or slave-holder or war criminal or simply a place name that uses a derogatory term and petition to have it changed to an inoffensive alternative. If you’re in the US or if you’re abroad, seek out your local organization that manages names of cities, towns, and locations. Submit a screenshot of your proposal, then put your petition here so other teams can sign yours. Finally, make sure you sign at least 5 other teams’ petitions (you’ll find all the petitions here.)

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186

35 POINTS

It’s not just for fine dining anymore... At a fast-food establishment, get a grill cook to create a McAmuse-Bouche and serve it to a waiting, unsuspecting customer.

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187

104 POINTS

TIMELAPSE. In Japan, there is a fad of polishing aluminum foil into a perfectly polished ball. You just topped that with your wad of aluminum foil-turned-perfectly polished bust of your favorite celebrity. Tweet the video of the final product to your celebrity crush tagging #GISH, and include the link to the tweet in the comments section of your submission.

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188

69 POINTS

A menstrual Pad-alecki. Create a menstrual product bust of Jared Padalecki... and make sure his hair really “flows.” Then, donate at least an equal number of products to a women’s shelter. (We don’t have to see you donating: just include your donations receipt somewhere in the image by your sculpture.)

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189

49 POINTS

We’re not saying the cast of Supernatural is hot, but your fumage portrait of a Supernatural actor or actress speaks for itself. Smokin’! (Be super careful with this one- and have a fire extinguisher at the ready just in case. Remember, GISH doesn’t pay medical bills and you’re not allowed to hurt yourself - or anyone or anything else. If you can’t be sure of that, pick a different item. (Post your video or image to the actor depicted).

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190

229 POINTS

Evolution of the selfie: A person with an iPhone taking a selfie next to a person with a point-and-shoot camera who is taking a photo of a person with a Polaroid camera who is taking a picture of a person with a 35mm camera who is taking a photo of a person with a daguerreotype camera taking a picture of a person with a camera obscura taking a picture of someone painting a self-portrait. This should be a single photo, not photos from each camera.

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191

239 POINTS

CHANGE A LIFE. Each year, Gishers come together to “Change A Life”, making a profound difference in the lives of people or communities facing extraordinary hardship. As most Gishers know by now, unexploded bombs are a significant problem in certain areas of Laos. Since the Vietnam war, over 20,000 people have been injured or killed - over 8,000 of those being children. These explosives lie dormant in fields and some rural areas. Often, a farmer will accidentally strike one, or a child will think it’s a ball and pick it up. One such boy, Kayeng, was injured after his cousins lit a fire to stay warm, You can learn more about his story here.

This year, GISH is teaming up with Random Acts (a 501(c)(3) nonprofit) and our GISH Ambassador, photographer Giles Duley, to help change the lives of Laotian children and families in what is our most ambitious Change A Life to date in two ways:

1. With your help, we’re going to continue clearing unexploded bombs from farmlands. Your support has already helped make hundreds of acres safe already for the children and families of Laos.

2. Our bigger initiative will help fund the manufacture of much-needed prosthetics for countless Laotian children and adults missing limbs. You’ll help provide limbs and arms for children so they can walk to school and play, and farmers so they can provide for themselves and their families. From the funds raised, we hope to improve the lives of thousands in Laos for years to come.

Visit the Crowdrise page here! CHANGE A LIFE DONATIONS ARE 100% TAX DEDUCTIBLE, AND 100% OF THE DONATIONS GOES TO THE THIS EFFORT (for countries other than the U.S., deductions are contingent on your laws).

Your GISH Item: Using the link above, create a Fundraising page for your team, and get family, friends, and others to donate. Since this is GISH and there’s always an extra twist to everything we do, here’s the deal: we also want you to get OTHERS to donate to your Crowdrise page. We know you don’t need “points” as an incentive to help these families, but since it is part of the Hunt, we want to maximize the power of these points to help.

Get at least 10 donations from friends, family, individuals or businesses NOT on your team. You and your team members are welcome to donate to your campaign, but that is not a requirement for points- the Item requirement is to get at least 10 people to make a cumulative total of least 10 donations from donors who are NOT on your team. There is no minimum to donate for GISH purposes, but Crowdrise does require a minimum $10 donation be collected, and let’s all please encourage others to be generous so we can make a profound impact. SUBMIT a screenshot of your team’s page with a minimum of 10 donations on it. (To initially create a fundraising team, click the FUNDRAISE FOR THIS CAMPAIGN button.)

If for any reason your team is unable to (or chooses not to) join this Crowdrise campaign, you may still get points for this Item by collecting goods or volunteering at least two hours of your time with any relief organization providing relief to anyone directly impacted by acts of war-- refugees, disabled veterans, etc. SUBMIT PROOF YOU HAVE DONE THIS.

If your team is in the top 10% of number of donations or dollar amount, you’ll receive double points for this Item, so get in on this.

We need to raise $150,000 at minimum. We know it’s a lofty goal - but we believe in you, Gishers. Let’s do this!

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192

58 POINTS

Tonight’s date is so special, you wore your water ball(oon) gown! Hope your significant other “pops the question...” All water balloons must be filled with water. Remember, this is a zero-waste Hunt, so any water or balloons used must be recycled or used wisely (such as in Items 162 and #9).

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193

34 POINTS

A tiny painting of Misha and the Queen on a coin, made using toothpicks instead of brushes. - Arianne

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194

25 POINTS

Not all angels are 100% sweet and not all demons are all bad. Dress up as a demon and hand out messages of hope and positivity for the future to commuters at a busy bus, train, or subway station.

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195

34 POINTS

Create a HairBnB for head lice. Showcase all the amenities in photos. But don’t post it on AirBnB! Instead, hang your flyer where your clients will see it: at a local hair salon. - Inspired by Maison Collins

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196

28 POINTS

You’ve been out fishing for compliments, and you just snagged a whopper.

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197

53 POINTS

We could all use a little extra help to stay afloat. You wouldn’t go on a boat without a floatation device; why go through life without one? Create an “emergency life jacket” that you can wear when you feel a little underwater, out of your depth, or just like you need to be buoyed a little, customized with whatever will help you keep swimming.

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198

48 POINTS

Maybe hotels are onto something with their door hangers. Create an ornately designed reversible necktie you can wear that says “Do Not Disturb/”Please Tidy Up” or any other appropriate messaging for those times you want to quickly and efficiently broadcast a message but really don’t feel like being social.

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199

33 POINTS

Last year, you participated in the Bellyflop Olympics. But the most artistic activity in the summer Olympics is always the Synchronized Slip n’ Slide. Tandem sliders executing at least 3 beautiful, perfectly synchronized poses will win the gold. You must have judges and large score cards present.

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200

51 POINTS

Crochet or knit a doily recreation of our solar system.

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201

38 POINTS

From Spiderman’s web shooters to Batman’s ability to brood and spend money, if comic books have taught us anything, it’s that what makes us unique is what makes us super. But not everyone has internalized the message. Without being self-deprecating, identify one trait, offbeat skill, or feature about yourself that, properly applied, could be the origin of your new superperson identity. It can’t be an existing superhero in culture. Create a poster that showcases your superperson identity and what your flaw or feature-turned-superpower is. You may use Photoshop for this one.

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202

57 POINTS

Create a compliment vending machine! This machine offers free compliments on activation. Install it in a busy public place... with you safely hidden inside (make sure you have visibility, airholes, etc. See Commandment 6, “Scavenging Safely.”). Offer a sincere, honest compliment to anyone who activates the mechanism and have a friend record the transaction.

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203

41 POINTS

Before he was an Assbutt, our 2019 GISH Mascot was an Asserpillar. Illustrate or create a page from the award-winning children’s book The Very Hungry Asserpillar. (As you know from reading the book, each page features an important life lesson or moral, so make sure yours does, too.)

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204

48 POINTS

COLLABORATIVE. This is not a drill! Your pillow fort is under attack. Build the world’s most impenetrable Pillow Fort ever. You can include pillow cannons, catapults, etc. for defense, or just trust the integrity of your architecture. You may do this at home with family or friends, or collaborate with other Gishers in a public park. Then, defend it against the attackers (make sure there are extra pillows on hand for anyone who wishes to attack.)

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205

28 POINTS

As tournaments go, Wimbledon’s got nothing on Piladex. Show off your prowess at this 19th-century analog game of Pong, which is played by keeping inflated bag or balloon aloft by blowing on it. (For our tournament, you may not use your hands.) You may play one-on-one or a doubles match. Game, set, match!

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206

38 POINTS

Spoiler alert! Nobody has time to really sit down and read anymore. So, bring the stories to them. Recreate major plot points of classic books by acting them out at your local library. But in deference to library “rules”, you must be silent, so you’re going to have to use interpretive dance on this one. Note: If you’ve submitted a photo, you will still get credit.

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207

57 POINTS

Put your friend on display as a human statue at your local art museum. You may use props. Include a didactic card explaining the piece and its significance as a true work of art as well as an Artist’s Statement.

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208

28 POINTS

FAST-MOTION. Everybody always thinks zombies are after their brains, but they’re just really into “tag”, as evidenced by the 3 zombies playing slow-speed tag in your local mall, then speed it up and send it in.

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209

28 POINTS

LOCATION BASED. It’s time to sit for your GISH Global Compliance Exam. Resistance is Futile! Misha says you must meet up at at 8:30 AM on Saturday, Aug 3rd. DO NOT COME early, and definitely don’t be late. No proxies, please: only registered Gishers may attend! Wear your Gishiest hat and bring donations for the Lighthouse Mission Drop-In Center from the list below. If you cannot attend in person, watch our social media tomorrow for further instructions to complete this Item globally.

DONATION LIST:

Hygiene supplies: shampoo, hand sanitizer, soap/body wash (full size or travel size), toothpaste, safety razors, toilet tissue, hand wipes, etc.

First aid supplies (bandaids, etc)

Undergarments (M-XL, new only) and Unisex Socks

Unisex t-shirts and sweatpants (M-XL)

Water or shelf-stable food

If you couldn’t attend today’s meet up you can still score points for your team! Your mission: Take a donation of hygiene supplies or shelf-stable food to your local homeless shelter or food bank. But in honor of the Lighthouse Mission Drop-In Center in Bellingham, you should wear the tallest hat you can, with a light at the top so you can be a beacon to those in need.

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210

39 POINTS

STOP-MOTION. You have too many things in your house, and they’re ready to leave the nest and strike out on their own to find new lives. Create a stop-motion video of at least 10 useful items you’re ready to part with packing themselves into a box, then take it to a local shelter near you.

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211

47 POINTS

You’re a world-famous bodybuilder, but we know your secret: you use the performance-enhancing supplement: cotton fibers. Go to a homeless shelter and strike your award-winning bodybuilding pose out front (no other people should be in the image). Stuff as many packages of still-wrapped, new socks in the clothes on your upper body as possible to achieve bulk and definition and make you look muscle-bound. Then, remove all the socks and donate them to the shelter because your true strength is your kindness.

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212

52 POINTS

TIMELAPSE. Go trick or treating at your office or any large businesses near you, collecting school supplies (pencils, notebooks, erasers, or other donations). Donate anything you get to your local schools.

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213

53 POINTS

@dog_rates on Twitter & @weratedogs on Instagram rates dogs on their inherent dog attributes, but you know there’s a dog at your local shelter that deserves a 13/10 would take home forever rating. Go to your local shelter and identify the dog that has been there the longest or is most in need of a home. Take appealing photos or videos of your canine candidate and create the best, most shareable post you can of this good doggo, including information on how and where to adopt them. Post your creation tagging @WeRateDogs/@dog_rates, using #RateGISHDogs, and DM them your post as well, then submit a screenshot of your post. Bonus points if @WeRateDogs posts your dog before the end of the Hunt (send us THAT screenshot as proof instead if that’s so.) Double bonus points if you can prove the dog was adopted as a direct result.

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214

29 POINTS

(UP TO 60 SECONDS.) Guinness World Records? Been there, done that. This Item is for the GISHess World Records. Set a record for the most acts of kindness by one person in under 60 seconds. You may not speed up the video.

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215

36 POINTS

Tar and feathering is so 1800s. It’s time for an old-fashioned, public Maple Syrup and Glittering Make your own biodegradable glitter for this.

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216

39 POINTS

You’re a _____, Harry! It’s Harry Potter’s birthday today (July 31). Let’s envision what other jobs Harry Potter might’ve ended up doing if Hagrid had failed to make it to the hut-on-the-rock and Harry hadn’t made it to Hogwarts. Post your image to social media with hashtag #GISH and #MuggleJobsForWizards.

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217

17 POINTS

You are an undercover agent for the GISH Bureau of Instigation! Go to a public place looking for someone doing a kind deed. When you spot someone, blow your whistle and identify yourself as a member of the GISH Bureau of Instigation and issue them a citation thanking them for spreading positivity in a public setting (a Section G-2019 violation).

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218

29 POINTS

Have an attorney draft a class-action lawsuit against humanity on behalf of pollinators. Submit your evidence of the attorney, holding the filed paperwork.

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219

47 POINTS

Caregivers of those with life-threatening illnesses or chronic health conditions sacrifice a lot but are often forgotten. Let’s fix that. Make buddy care-bags: one bag for the caregiver, and one for the person they support. Contact a hospital, hospice, care facility, caregiver or person with a life-threatening illness or chronic condition to find out what would be most helpful to include in the bags, then donate them directly or through a caregiving organization near you. Submit a photo of the care bags -- the recipients need not be depicted. Tell us the story of the person you helped in the comments.

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220

19 POINTS

Chewing gum tug of war.

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221

21 POINTS

You better watch out... Santa Clothes just hit up your local laundromat! The jolly old sartorial elf left presents of laundry soap and quarters for the machine along with notes of encouragement for all the good little folks in need of some help getting the most boring of household tasks done.

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222

132 POINTS

Crack the pinata zipline-style! Play pinata with your friends -- but you must use a zipline to get your shot at hitting it. At least 2 people must play in your video or photo, and someone should crack it open so candy can spill to the people waiting below. - Brenda

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223

185 POINTS

You Wanted to See It! Jump the Fonz: Water ski jump over Henry Winkler. Bonus points if it’s a shark or attorney making the jump. -Ghassan

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224

68 POINTS

PUZZLE. New Item, Who Dis? 3x3=9, null=0. And that’s the Tea. Don’t get your wires crossed! When you think you’re done, the fun’s just begun...

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225

99 POINTS

Yeah, yeah. We’ve got like 8 Guinness World Records, so we’re really not impressed by them anymore. But your team loves to collect them, so you went for one anyway. Either on your own or in collaboration with other teams, break the record for the world’s largest sock monkey, made all out of socks. Bonus good karma in the afterlife if you fill it with socks and donate it all to a homeless shelter after it’s been officially accepted as the new record-holder. See the guidelines here.

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226

49 POINTS

PUZZLE. DO GISH.

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227

68 POINTS

LOCATION-BASED. The GISHBUS served us as well as it could, but there comes a time when we have to let things go and move forward-even if the GISHBUS never really could. Soon, it will belong to a new owner who will decide its fate. But we want you to have one last chance to say goodbye. So let’s send it off in GISH style!

Your ITEM:The GISHBUS is currently waiting for you at THIS LOCATION until 4PM PT tomorrow. Keep driving and hang a left. Do not bother the businesses there. Your team’s task: Say goodbye! Bring water-based paints and/or permanent markers and tag the exterior of the vehicle with the following:

Your team’s name

Write something on the bus that you or your teammates want to let go of in your lives

Submit a photo of your team mate (or proxy) with your graffiti on the bus as proof that you were there. Post your image on social media tagged with @GISHBUS, #GoodybyeGISHBUS & #GISH.

Note: Do not write over another team’s messages and leave room for other people! Also, please note that this is an industrial park. Use common sense, follow laws, don’t disturb the neighboring businesses and give high-fives to any Gishers you see. DO NOT ENTER THE BUS OR DISTURB THE TROLL INSIDE. We mean it. Doing so could mean forfeiture of points or disqualification from the Hunt.

#gish2019 #Gish #gish19 #hunt list #teamgishtastrophe

0 notes

shawnjacksonsbs · 5 years ago

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And at this point, in my time, its not just for me. Weird right?? 9-15-19

So this week is significant, for me anyway. Tomorrow marks 1 year without cigarettes, and the 19th marks 6 years off the dope. Six fucking years, just wow. For any of you who knew me before. . . It's super weird how it feels so far away, my using days I mean. I am like to the point where I have to remind myself that those days are my memories, not somebody else's. Although some might say I am a different person, I think that relinquishes too much of the responsibility that I need to hold on to, to keep me in check. I need some of that pain to remind me of just how much I have to lose. A lot of new people I have encountered over the last 6 years can't imagine me ever living like that, and it's even hard for me, sometimes, but I must never forget, not ever. I knew since this "anniversary" entry was coming up, for the last several weeks I had planned on writing about a comparison piece between me and the phoenix. Where I burn, and through the flames, I was reborn. lol Not entirely accurate, and the fire still smolders as I am still becoming more "me" with each passing day. Granted the biggest chances, I imagine, have already taken place. No new revelations in here. A brief update would be that both my older boys are on better tracks. Positive thoughts only as the fight to keep consistent in their commitments. No one knows when the last go 'round is for someone, so this could be theirs. I have the other two of my grandkids up here with me. They spent the night last night and we all slept in the living room on the futon. Not comfortable for me, at all. lol But it's nice. I watched all 3 of my grandchildren run around, literally in circles while screaming late last night. Overly excited little people, almost like a scene from Lord of the Flies without the bonfire in the middle of their circle. lol I got up extra early to be able to write this. I need to figure out breakfast soon. We are also going to Penguin Park later this afternoon, and probably Pizza Street for lunch and hot dogs on the grill this evening when the kids come to pick them up. Not a lot in this entry for it being an "anniversary" edition I know, but I will say that everything in my life for the last 6 years has brought me to this point in time, in my life, so I would be ready as a person to fulfill my role in the lives of my loved ones. Ready for the 1st night and day that I get to spend entirely with all of my grandkids! This is life. Also, for fun, I made a timeline of sorts, made exclusively of different song lyrics, from my using days all the way to now. I will share them at the bottom of this entry in chronological order. Want to know where I am just read them, but if you want to know who I am then you'll have to listen to them. Its all about how it feels for reals. lol My message is still the same, get away from the dope and the dumb shit. Hope for finding more silver linings, hang onto every little bit of gratitude that comes your way and watch as it multiplies. Learn better ways to live that fit you as a person, as an individual. Learn to truly care about yourself, and then others, all others. Truly caring about others is the epitome for the meaning of life. The last little bit of my message, THE message is so important for everyone, to hear and practice, in my opinion. Until next week; 1 - "You always call me And ask me how I make it through the day I'm always fallin' I guess it's just god's way of making me pay But something makes me carry on It's difficult to understand, why I always wanna fly I do it for the drugs I do it just to feel alive" - Bottom of the Bottle by Smile Empty Soul 2 - "And every time I think I've finally made it, I learn I'm farther away than I have ever been before. I see the clock and it's ticking away. And the hourglass empty, what the fuck do I have to say? Please help me cause I'm breaking down. This picture's frozen, and I can't get out. Please help me cause I'm breaking down. This picture's frozen, and I can't get out of here. Believe me, I'm just as lost as you. Believe me, yeah, I'm just as lost as you. Keep it inside, the image portrayed. As if I couldn't stand losing. As if I couldn't be saved, no way. A small confession, I think I'm starting to lose it. I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need. A small reflection of when we were younger, we had it all figured out, cause we had everything covered." - Still Frame by Trapt 3 - "Once more I'll say goodbye to you Things happen but we don't really know why If it's supposed to be like this Why do most of us ignore the chance to miss? Oh, yeah Torn apart at the seams of my dreams turn to tears I'm not feelin' this situation Run away try to find that safe place you can hide It's the best place to be when you're feeling like Me (Me) Yeah (Yeah) All these things I hate revolve around me" - All These Things I hate by Bullet for my Valentine 4 - "Oh, dear mother, I love you I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough Dear father, forgive me 'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up In my heart I know I failed you But you left me here alone If I could hold back the rain Would you numb the pain 'Cause I remember everything If I could help you forget Would you take my regrets 'Cause I remember everything Oh, dear brother, just don't hate me For never standing by you or being by your side Dear sister, please don't blame me I only did what I thought was truly right It's a long and lonely road When you know you walk alone If I could hold back the rain Would you numb the pain 'Cause I remember everything If I could help you forget Would you take my regrets 'Cause I remember everything I feel like running away I'm still so far from home You say that I'll never change But what the fuck do you know I'll burn it all to the ground before I let you run Please forgive me, I can't forgive you now I remember everything" - Remember Everything by Five Finger Death Punch 5 - "What's life without a little pain The good thing is on a little break You'll be fine and up again, yeah The goal is to bring the human back to the world 'Cause nothing will last But bring it home as a friend, yeah yeah Oh the sinner is you The sinner is you I'm the collector of the good spirits of mother earth Hell is life drying up, yeah I see and hear more than I wish The seal has broken up again One life on earth fades away again The sinner is you, the sinner is you There's been a kill in the spirit world The ultimate sinner just don't know There's been a kill in the spirit world The ultimate sinner just don't know Is there forgiveness Do we all deserve our blessing Is there forgiveness Do we all deserve our blessing From the spirit world Is this a sign for all of us To take care of the life we have Please wake up and feel the love, yeah" - the Sinner is You by Volbeat 6 - "I'm awake I'm alive Now I know what I believe inside Now it's my time I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life Here, right here Right now, right now Stand my ground and never back down I know what I believe inside I'm awake and I'm alive I'm at war with the world cause I Ain't never gonna sell my soul I've already made up my mind No matter what I can't be bought or sold" - Awake and Alive by Skillet 7 - "This is my life Its not what it was before All these feelings I've shared And these are my dreams That I'd never lived before Somebody shake me 'Cause I must be sleeping Now that we're here It's so far away All the struggle we thought was in vain All in the mistakes One life contained They all finally start to go away Now that we're here it's so far away And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive And I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today These are my words That I've never said before I think I'm doing okay And this is the smile That I've never shown before Somebody shake me 'cause I I must be sleeping Now that we're here It's so far away All the struggle we thought was in vain All in the mistakes One life contained They all finally start to go away Now that we're here it's so far away And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive And I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today" - So Far Away by Staind 8 - "It's a beautiful mornin' I think I'll go outside a while, An just smile. Just take in some clean fresh air, boy Ain't no sense in stayin' inside If the weather's fine and you got the time. It's your chance to wake up and plan another brand new day. Either way, It's a beautiful mornin' Each bird keeps singin' his own song. So long I've got to be on my way, now. Ain't no fun just hangin' around, I've got to cover ground, you couldn't keep me down. It just ain't no good if the sun shines When you're still inside, Shouldn't hide, still inside, shouldn't hide, There will be children with robins and flowers; Sunshine caresses each new waking hour. Seems to me that the people keep seeing More and more each day, gotta say, lead the way, It's okay, Wednesday, Thursday, it's okay, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, weekday" - It's a Beautiful Morning by the Rascals 9 - "And it's a great day to be alive I know the sun's still shining When I close my eyes There's some hard times in the neighborhood But why can't every day be just this good It's been fifteen years since I left home I said good luck to every seed I'd sown Gave it my best and then I left it alone I hope they're doing alright Now I look in the mirror and what do I see A lone wolf there staring back at me Long in the tooth but harmless as can be Lord I guess he's doin' alright And it's a great day to be alive I know the sun's still shining When I close my eyes There's some hard times in the neighborhood But why can't every day be just this good" - It's a Great Day to be Alive by Travis Tritt 10 - "It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood, A beautiful day for a neighbor, Would you be mine? Could you be mine? It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood, A neighborly day for a beauty, Would you be mine? Could you be mine? I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you, I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you. So let's make the most of this beautiful day, Since we're together, we might as well say, Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won't you be my neighbor? Won't you please, won't you please, Please won't you be my neighbor?" Won't you be my Neighbor by Mr. Fred Rogers 11 - "In the end, as we fade into the night (whoa!) Who will tell the story of your life? In the end, as my soul's laid to rest What is left of my body? Or am I just a shell? I have fought And with flesh and blood, I commanded an army Through it all I have given my heart for a moment of glory In the end, as you fade into the night (whoa!) Who will tell the story of your life? (Whoa!) And who will remember your last goodbye? (Whoa!) 'Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid I'm not afraid to die I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid to die! Born a saint Though, with every sin I still wanna be holy I will live, again Who we are isn't how we live We are more than our bodies If I fall, I will rise back up and relive my glory In the end, as we fade into the night (whoa!) Who will tell the story of your life?" - In the End by Black Veil Brides

0 notes

sh-lan · 7 years ago

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i’m always late for these now but oh well

i can’t believe i’m making an ebay account happy new year LOL

Third day of the new year!

Went to hangout with ryan and leighton. They wanted to try marugame udon so!!! Also i saw adam but didnt say hi, oops. In any case. We were like hey let’s do something like walk around! But it rained a little so we bought some cuties from trader joe’s and ended up at ryan’s house and basically sat in his kotatsu for 4 hours then i came home. I also finally know how it feels like when the manga says that your legs get tangled inside the kotatsu. And when you literally cannot get out of it. Plus the feeling of losing the ability to walk because ya gurl tried to stand up after crawling out of the kotatsu and just fell back down What a day LOL

my brain in general has forgotten how it feels like to study …oh dear

Mommy helped me dye my hair yesterday! It’s lighter than i thought but it was the gray ochre color from palty! And it smells like grape hichews Facetimed vania & yuri today and they noticed the color! And then facetiming with dad and he also noticed LIKE WOW I DIDNT REALIZE PEOPLE COULD TELL? <3

I want a lot of cute phone case but idk what and where to get EDIT: i am still having this problem

I just saw the golden year of the dog items from starbucks korea AND I WANT EDIT: also want the starbucks x pantone planner fml EDIT EDIT: did not end up buying anything good job deborah lan

i was right muster merch colors ARE BEAUTIFUL

The muster merch fmu EDIT: clearly i was overwhelmed with the colors because there were two separate drafts in a row lol

The company insists on having two references….

And now they said they chillin with a peer reference SO I PHONED A FRIEND (aka vania) bless her soul

jan 10th l i f e u p d a t e got the first job offer of my life!! (well official full time offer lol) and so it looks like i’m going to portland? :O

Wow i joined a GO for muster merch New year new me and goodbye money 탕진잼 탕진잼 탕진잼

Wow im glad i submitted the form to get muster merch because THEY ARE SO CUTE AND PRETTY. Okay but i really want PCs so i sincerely hope bighit has some sense and ship PC sets abroad when you order multiple other items Also didnt realize the lenticular key rings would be a hot item but seriously they are so much more adorable than i thought?? Jk’s key ring is so cute i cri EDIT: just found out about no acrylic stand )))): EDIT EDIT: didn’t get squat because ARMYs jump all over everything any time anything is released...

finding housing is hard and i can’t believe that i actually see an appeal to living in downtown…

fmu because bt21 getting released online BUT I REALLY SHOULDN’T BUY but also i finally got my package from jen! ugh omg the bag charms are so cute i don’t know whether to actually use them or keep them in their boxes ;__; and she included some mediheal masks! finally also sent vania her tata as a thank you gift~

deokrim stickers are too cute ima buy two sets

And ugh wow i cant believe i chanced upon cornpeu shop reopening im ded Vania and i didnt catch the timing for bt21 and now i’m still dumping money on bts things HAHA EDIT: not even 15 min after writing this, i bought the stuff from cornpeu lel (which couldve been used to buy the cushion so idk man) time to go preorder for deokrim maybe?

Wow my left hand hurts like shit did i really break it playing superstar bts like mom said? No way right

Ahhhh got my muster merch in the mail today and it’s so niceeee *^* Ima stick that washi tape like everywhere LOL

I hurt myself four different times today smh

In portland for the weekend! I deadass ate two packets of honey roasted peanuts on the plane ride over because i didnt realize i was so hungry and now i’m just waiting for the pimples to cOME ;__;

I walked into a stationery store in portland and just. FOUND MY PEACE. jk but i bought some stickers i been looking at online blesssss

No. Tax. Anywhere. (So far)

I had coke last night after my flight and i legit didnt feel tired until 3:30am oops

Omfg i cant believe someone was selling the trust issues photobook by snowpeach in the luce in altis project for $15 last night WOW LIKE THE FEW DAYS I DONT CHECK SHIT, THERE’S ALL KINDS OF SHIT I WANT. $15 is so cheap ;___;

went to portland with alice to check out apartments!!! woot. lots of fun going around/looking at the city. landed on thursday night and waited at the airport for alice and ate mcdonalds/watched the office haha friday: alice had work all day ): so i went out to meet up with yuri and leslie who happened to be out in portland too! walked to the alberta arts district to eat with them at pok pok noi. just walked around afterwards exploring in the rain before getting back home to eat dinner with alice at like 8…lol we went to bamboo sushi in sw and alice treated me to omakase as a congrats on getting my new yob!! woot also did some walking around in the neighborhood - will likely spend quite a bit of time in the powell city of books! saturday: the day we actually went out to see properties! grabbed some blue star donuts and headed into nw district - looked at some apartments and then grabbed lunch at this cute italian place that i will most likely frequent. started talking to alice about stuff and being weak, i cried and then we got free hazelnut ice cream…LOL. it was really good sunday: since we toured places that i actually liked yesterday, we basically just decided to walk around different areas. waterfront park, pioneer square…we spent a while in nordstrom rack and sephora looking for stuff for alice! lol. then dinner again at bamboo sushi and dessert at salt & straw :> monday morning: waking up early to get to the airport for alice’s flight. bought more donuts at the airport for mom! then i sat at the airport watching the office and eating until the airplane ride where i got a whole row to myself~

and that was my portland trip shortened LOL. but~ excited about the new city, definitely excited about the donuts!

Furniture shopping is hard Moving is hard Everythinf comes down to money S M H

Got approved for my apartment today!! #excited

legit on phone calls for an hour getting stuff down and ready. now to wait on emails so i can get to the next step to sign my lease!

It’s been hot in sf like ??? In other news, i put coconut oil in ma hair - let’s see how it feels tomorrow! :O EDIT: idk, it didn’t feel different?

Omg feb 5th: suddenly a day where i can play hard mode on ssbts wow what a day

I just saw the new bts game where you get to “live chat” the boys as the user becomes the manager and takes care of the bois I am literally gonna die All armys gonna die Why do they do this to us …BECAUSE THEY KNOW WE’LL NEVER BE THEIR MANAGERS

Today i threw away my first lip tint because it looked funky funks and was like dying Good bye you were good to me - onto more an new lip tints! On another note. The balenciaga cap is $350??!?!

Being fat today and ordered three desserts with han at creations. And then went to the beach because pokemon but ended up star-gazing and it was niceee

Just came across its it ice creams on IG and since it’s been so hot (cause like spring came early or something??) i want it!! Also, it’s like the only time i ever consume oatmeal raisin cookies (unless they just oatmeal - in which case, delicious) But omg i didnt know strawberry is an OG flavor? Althought mint reigns supreme. But. GREEN TEA??

A BUMBLEBEE FLEW INTO MY HOUSE THE OTHER DAY AND I WAS ALONE AND COULDNT HELP also raided mewtwo yesterday!! Woot. Surprisingly got the gym bonus after much hardwork but dayum caught with only one ball LOL

Ever since that one time on the airplane with the weird ass headache/tension above my left eyebrow….i got like two headaches in a week that were like that. Also in between those, my right ear hurts and honestly…am i broken somewhere cause lel Body please get better

Lmao so last time i put on a screen protector, i cracked it in two days cause i dropped it. And i just put on a new one last week and lo and behold, it hath cracked again but this time, in my purse. I’m so ????? Smh

Landed in portland once again with han for move in!! Woke up super early…. Just went to target/tj maxx to buy stuff. Smh should’ve bought a swiffer and gotten it sent here ): Got a shower rug! THE SOFT SQUISHY ONE. But failed in the shower curtain department cause it’s too short… Makeshift bed with blankets and bed sheets lol…we shall await the mattress coming in tomorrow~ Do have quite a bit of stuff to buy in general…): Anyways. Had a burrito for dinner and like ?!! Aluminum foil gave me an aluminum cut so…ow No internets yet - good thing han downloaded some movies!

My cuticles are dying because my hands are dry and wow this is terribad

Went and bought a shitton of strawberry chocolates for 50% off at cvs MUAHAHA

Went to macy’s (or we’ve been going often since it’s going out of business so things are going on sale) and got the seiko watch i was kinda eyeing last time. ONLY TO FIND OUT (forgot to check on amazon) that it was 38 dollahs cheaper ;__; but. EHHH it’s all good. Seems like the one on amazon has strap problems being too smol so…like, it’s totally chill

February 19th

My first day of work!! Went in earlies and had onboarding for about two hours with amother new hire. Then i returned to my room where i met my coworker and my manager! Both of whom are in the same room and we each have a desk. (Ima have to request a standing desk :O) anywayss. Got a company laptop - thank god it’s not bulky. And then i’ve got two monitors on my desk too! #bless

Then jlw went through more ux stuff with me and i also went to a stand up meeting. Like. Those are real man. Then went to company lunch! Where new hires introduce themselves and i realize that i have never used a dishwasher before and everyone was shookt lol.

Afterwards, i went to a sprint meeting AND BOIIIII PLANNING POKER DOE??? Lololol. I have to say i did not understand a single thing that was going on. Took about an hour and a half…

Anyways. went back in where jlw continued where she left off and then finally let me read some onboarding stuff on my own before she headed out at 4 and then me, leaving swiftly at 4 as well LOL

SO that was my first day! Trying to get everything in order - i hope that everything goes great and that i learn lots and lots! :> although…windows computer already killing me, no wonder people use mouses instead of the trackpad. Also…gotta learn Axure + in depth photoshop so…WOOT WOOT

Oh and we also have a huge snack cabinet i might just become a potato

Light snowfall is so pleasant :>

Bucketlist checklist:

Eat alone - check! First lunch break :> (exciting!)

Watch a movie by myself - check! Love, Simon

Second day - drank too much coffee while i’m still weak against caffeine. It’s 1:26am. HNNNGH

i got really bored at work today because even though it’s week 2 now, i was done with my shit at like 2pm so i just started looking at axure tutorials for another however long until 4:30 LOL side note: might actually do my post-its idea thing then i realize that i didn’t bring any post-its over to portland… also i cracked my screen again today because i slammed it on the counter while trying to save it from falling so did i really save it….

bought rice and shin ramen on amazon lel

Gonna try out my post it idea in the office tomorrow. Hope it goes well 🤞

2/28/17 First ever happy hour but also goodbye party for kyle - also like the first time i talked to him since the one and a half week i been there (minus when we introduced ourselves) but sads cause he was kinda a squish and everyone seemed to have a chill time working with him :/ oh well

ALSO THE FIRST DAY THAT YA GURL GOT PAID $$$ (which is just directly going to rent - oh the woe of getting paid bi-monthly LOL)

Wow i did a great job sticking on my phone screen protector! #yes EDIT: no i didnt. It’s blocking the camera slightly on top smh

Ya gurl cut her finger on a tape measure lmfaooo

Alice came two weekends in a row to help me buy and build stuff and daymn. That was some hard work and tbh i only built a shelf and a bed LOOOOL I think ima go for the sofa + table rather than the desk. I think it might work! Also went to ashun market. Good weekend :>

I went bowling today!! It was an engineering celebration so i thought - why not, let’s be social for a little bit. And it turned out to be fun~ we had some fuds and i played two rounds. And I got a strike in one of the rounds! Woot woot. Anyways. It was enjoyable, not as awkward as i had envisioned. Also i was able to successfully catch the bus home so that was great :>

I think i’m reverting back to my eating habits because there are ENDLESS SNACKS IN THE OFFICE. Oh dear

Really actually thinking about that dicon photobook because the pictures are so nice :<

ALSO FINALLY FCKIN DISCOVERED ELECTRICITY CHARGE ON KWH DIFFERS ON A MONTH TO MONTH BASIS in addition to usage. Wow the things you discover and uncover as you adult

Also city of portland why do you have a base charge of $11???????

Ahhh xfinity wifi was too good to be true Apparently only 5 devices could connect to it at one time. So i guess i gotta shop for internets now…LOL EDIT: NAWP. ALL GOOD. THAT WAS FOR HOME HOTSPOT. WOOT

Lmao my manager went to ucsd when marshall was still called third im

In other news. It looks like my one on one anxiety wont dissipate soon. Esp since last week, the vp of engineering just sent me a calendar invite for a one on one and i literally got stressed out for a straight 30 min before i said yes to the invite and could slowly go back to focusing on work lol…. EDIT: it ended up being around 15 minutes and i did not really enjoy it at all

We are bulletproof pt 2 came on today while i was walking and i still cannot believe that the first lines still got me smiling like a fckin idiot

Ok so i finally talked to this girl at work (who i think is really pretty omfg) the other day and she’d been curling her hair recently and as we were walking out of the bathroom i was like I REALLY LIKE YOUR HAIR And then she said my hair is so straight and healthy - “do you straighten it? It’s really pretty” and i’m just over here crying on the inside because it looks like hay and only happened to be really straight that day for god knows what reason. SO BASICALLY THE STARS ALIGNED JUST SO WE COULD HAVE THIS CONVERSATION Also she said she recently bought a curler that just “does it for you” and gurl i need that because idk how to DO ANYTHING TO MY HAIR UGH

I woke up with the blankets already nicely proportioned off the sides of my bed - so i just crawled out without making my bed today lool

Thought i could handle watching burn the stage but i saw the screenshot of jungkook lying down and it already broke my heart Need to be secluded with some tissues ;__;

A two day trip to see The Rose in seattle or a five day trip in san diego… 🤔🤔🤔

last day of march went to lunch with my coworkers for the first time and i actually enjoyed it! it was fun :> glad that my coworker actually dropped by the office to invite us to lunch~

good friday today because:

lunch was good

really honestly did nothing because we were troubleshooting visual studio

also basically did nothing because double sprint planning and retro LOL

HEADING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND UNTIL WEDNESDAY

#gotpaid

but no joke, on the ride to the airport, i got carsick and i honestly didn’t even know that was possible but if you think about it, i basically haven’t been on any kind of transportation for at least a month… also my uber driver is like some viet gangsta or something that gets pulled into the room every time he tries to go to canada O_O LOL

Deadass trying to save money but The rose concert in seattle, want to make an sd trip, want the 2k18 asia trip But also bts comeback sometime during the first half of the year and SUDDENLY WANNA ONE IS GOING TO HAVE A WORLD TOUR??? Dammit dude DAMMIT

My heart dies a little every time my coworker comes by and invites me to lunch with everyone *ugly sobs* Dies a little in a good way - just for clarification LOL

Mom dyed my hair for me! And it was darker than i thought BUT GREAT. Curiously enough, after two washes…it’s already lightening?? NO PLEASE STAY DARK. PLEASE. EDIT: lol i realized there was another “mother dyed my hair” somewhere on top lel. just for clarification - nobody else dyes my hair including myself cause i am incapable lOL

omfg i just saw the we bare bears x spao collab AND THEN FOUND THE ADVENTURE TIME X SPAO CLOTHES, SO CUTE!!! the jake and bmo hoodie )):

didn’t realize that i missed them so much ;__; we thought we would all die with the black hair but actually they just killed us with softness good thing they didn’t come out with foreheads lOL

okay lol basically that’s it because nothing happens in my life although i realze that i video recorded a lot of experiences and they’re all just video files sitting on my phone and that’s why maybe i haven’t been writing any everyday things down :O will i ever edit them? unclear

in any case - planning lots of fun things for the months to come hopefully!

#mumble mumble #does this count as #spring mumbles #debs in portland #adulting debs

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