#please shut up about braincells

[slugass]

“but that’s SOOOO STOOPID and anyone with more BRAINCELLS than a-“

*abandons your video cutely*

[warning long rant in tags]

[themightymoose]

Hot take that shouldn't be a hot take: don't refer to actors or well known people in general like you would refer to fictional characters

[peppermintstarsonamintyway]

Shadow Milk kissing Cranberry Meringue's hands

i don't know if i want to be shadow or cranberry rn /hj /silly

[disgustingtwitches]

MDNI

"I want you to destroy me so I'll feel better"

Convincing Simon "Ghost" Riley to try something new. Well...not new for either of you, but a first for your relationship.

CW: name calling, degradation, violent choking (all consensual)

DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT

"You like what?"

Simon stands in front of you, hands in his hoodie pocket.

"I like being choked...until I pass out."

You repeat slowly. You know it was fucked up. You know it was bad. Everytime you did it you could feel your braincells dying. You sit on your hands at the edge of the bed. There's a moment of silence as he stares down at you.

"No."

He gives you that signature cold look of his: reserved for when you're in an argument you can't win. Or one he doesn't want you to win. 'You know this is useless. Give up. Quit while you're ahead.' It's like his voice was in your head.

"Are you afraid you're gonna hurt me?"

You always get your way at the end of the day. You knew it. He knew it.

"It's a stupid idea. Best to get that out of your head. Now."

He adjusts his mask before walking off.

"Please?"

You hug him from behind while he cooks eggs.

"No."

"Please?"

You wrap your arms his neck and lie on top of him while watching TV.

"No. Stop asking."

"Please?"

You're in bed when he goes to turn off the lights.

"..."

He resorts to ignoring you. You're getting closer to cracking him.

It goes on like this for two weeks. Usually he gives in by now, but you're making progress. Instead of engaging, he just leaves the room now.

"How did you even find out you liked that?"

He doesn't look at you while he spoons cereal into his mouth, mask rolled up just enough.

"I think it's something about an abusive ex choking me."

You take a bite of your cereal.

"Something about 'reclaiming your power after past traumas'. At least that's what my therapist said. Not sure if I believe that, but I can't think of any other reason I like it."

You shrug as you chew.

"Hm."

He keeps eating.

Breakfast is silent after that. You always get your way at the end of the day. You knew it. He knew it.

"Can't believe I'm doing this..."

He mumbles, kneeling over you while you lie on the floor.

"C'mon you've done this dozens of times."

You smile up at him.

"That's different and you know that."

He looks down at you, slightly disappointed.

"Sorry."

"It's fine..."

It's quiet. He shifts and the floorboards creak.

"So just until I pass out, then you can stop. I'll wake right up after."

You rub your hands on his knees.

"Mhm. Tap out whenever you want."

His gaze is intense, like he was fighting with himself. He places a hand on your neck gently.

"Can you be a little mean?"

Your heart races.

"Fucks sake, choking ain't enough for you?"

He wraps the other hand around your throat lightly.

"Would it be fucked up if I fought back?"

You flash a cheeky smirk.

"Don't do that."

He rubs his thumbs against your skin.

"Ok. Ready."

You take a deep breath and relax. He clears his throat and puts some pressure on your neck. You nod, looking up at him.

"Hm."

He applies more pressure until you can barely breathe. You take shallow breaths and close your eyes. His grip gets tighter. You can't inhale. You shift your hips under his.

"Don't. Move."

His words send a chill up your spine. He never used this tone with you before. It was terrifying. You try to swallow nervously. The last few exhales you have leave your lungs.

"Look at me."

You keep your eyes closed, a few rough taps to your face snap them open. His eyes are glossed over and dark, a frenzied shark. You find it in your chest to whimper.

"Shut the fuck up."

His hands wrap around you harder. It's starting to hurt. You lift your hands to grab his wrists. He gives a solid shake, banging your head on the floor and making you see stars. He leans down, pressing his masked mouth to your ear.

"Told you. Don't. Move."

Your lips opened and closed like a fish out of water. Swallowing became impossible. Your eyes watered, you could feel Simon's hands shaking. Then, darkness. It's quiet, peaceful, only lasts less than a second. And just like that, you're conscious. A delicious head rush and breath of fresh air leaves a goofy smile on your face.

"Unbelievable..."

Simon shakes his head, leans back on his knees, and huffs. You stare at the ceiling for a moment, catching your breath. Simon scoots back and you watch as he adjusts himself.

"Have fun?"

You tease. Before you can rag on him more, he yanks both your bottoms off and sits you right on his hard dick.

"Fuckin hell. You really do like that shit, huh?"

He grips your ass and glides you up and down as your dripping wetness clamps down on him. You're already drooling from the sensation of him parting you wide open so easily. You always get your way at the end of the day. You knew it. He knew it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pretending I cheated on my partner when our common friend asked why we fought?

It will sound fake and fictional, but please bear with me because I'm getting crazy over it. And also sorry for any english mistake, we're not from an english speaking country.

To give some context: I am a man. There was this person, B(m), which whom I kind of grew up with. We went through the same schools from our 6 years old to 17 but we never were really friends. Then, around our 13, I got into a clique that fed into all my bad habits and I started to actively bully B because he seemed like an easy target at the time. I enjoyed it and was encouraged to do so (because I was such an asshole and I'm not even cringing thinking about it, it's worse. I regret it so much and I was a stupid and bad teenager). It was so bad that after years of enduring it, B changed school before we graduated and I went on with my life.

It' was's been about 15 years ago that I graduated.

In the meantime, I dealt with some problems that I had with my family and I went through intensive therapy which changed me for the better, and I came to terms with my sexuality as well.

Flashforward to 2019/2020, I meet with someone online through some games and it goes very well. Thanks to the Covid and the lockdowns, we play even more and get closer. At some point, I talk about an event happening close to my city, and he tells me that he knows about it as well and that we're living close to each other. Because we enjoyed our time online (ngl, we had started flirting although I didn't know how sincere it was) we decided to meet at that event.

And there, I find out that my online friend is B. It's extremely awkward but only for me because he cannot recognize me for three reasons: 1. I changed physically with my puberty finally finishing the job after my 18 birthday, and I found some love into dying my hair. 2. I changed in terms of personality thanks to the therapy I went through. 3. My legal name was changed when I said goodbye to this fucking family of mine and left without turning back (but I was getting sick just saying my last name).

I, obviously, didn't tell him anything about who I really was because I just wanted to enjoy that evening with a friend, and we didn't see each other since he left high school because of me. My plan was just to slowly distance myself from him after that evening but it failed because we had a lot of fun and we actually really hit off and I was dying constantly at the idea that he could find out.

We've been in a relationship sicne the beginning of 2021 and I was decided to just never tell him (horrifying idea I know, anyone with a braincell would have told me that it was bound to be found).

A month ago, I met with an old friend from high school (so yeah, he was in the bullying gang but more of a followers, so we stayed in friendly terms when we both agreed that it was bad) and as he recognized B, he decided to excuse himself and hoped that B would forgive him like he "forgave" me (I never got to tell that friend to shut up about that) so yeah, B found out that I was his main bully who had lied to him for almost 4 years now.

We had quite a big talk about it. How bad my bullying ended up for B; why I lied like that and never admitted it. And even if it went alright, B told me that he needed a break to think about things and it's going to be one month that I'm crashing at a common friend of us. At first, I just said that B and I got into a fight and it was good enough, but as it's been already a month, the friend asked more about it. Not wanting to bring up B's trauma to someone else (especially after our conversation), I just told the first lie that came to me and pretended that I cheated on B and he found out.

Now that common friend is calling me an asshole and keeps reminding me how much they are disappointed in me to have done something so horrifying to B. I keep wondering if I did well to lie like that, or if I should have found another way out.

[spicysix]

📖 + "I think... I'm in love with (Name)" || "Congrats on being the last one to find out" prompt w eddie omgomgomg💗 also congrats on 400 angel <33

thank you my loveee 💖💖💖

here comes, hope you like it! (a little dialogue heavy, sorry for that!)

join the celebration!

every day for us, something new

"Gonna make some more popcorn, guys! Get the next one ready," you said, getting up from the couch where you were sitting between Eddie and Argyle.

"Get me another coke, please!" Robin, from the floor, asked.

"Oh, get me another beer, sweetums, will 'ya?" Eddie joined in.

"No one else ask me anything, I don't have hands for more!" you exclaimed before leaving for the kitchen.

Movie nights were routine at this point. After all the trauma and the babysitting and the saving the world, the least you all deserved were some fun nights chilling with your friends. Steve or Nancy would host, you'd all take turns choosing movies for the week, and you'd get together to watch and gossip and just be around each other in non-threatening ways. There was no bond like the one created between life-or-death situations.

Eddie's eyes followed you as you walked out of Steve's living room. Jonathan chuckled.

"What?" Eddie asked and Nancy and Robin groaned in unison.

"You are. So. Dense," Nancy complained.

"I don't think he's dense, I think he's just stupid," Robin completed. Eddie hated how she and Nancy came to sharing a single braincell lately.

"C'mon, let's take it easy on our brochacho. The matters of the heart aren't easy," Argyle said, words all considerate but his smirk was nothing but teasing, and Eddie wanted them all to just shut the fuck up.

There was a loud noise from the kitchen, and Eddie was up on his feet in an instant.

"Don't worry, I'm okay!" you called out before anyone could even say anything, to Eddie's relief, and he sat down again.

All of his friends were looking at him funny. What was this plot against him, honestly?

"What's going on?" he asked, waving his arms around in annoyance.

"Dude. Use a single neuron. You'll understand," Steve advised, letting out a dramatically exhausted sigh.

Eddie just stared back at them, one at a time, for several minutes. Trying to find the answers in one of his friends' eyes, or just hoping to be scary enough to make them tell him at once.

"I can't do this, he's the dumbest man alive," Jonathan said after a long while in silence.

What were you even doing in the kitchen for such a long time? Popcorn gets ready in like, five minutes.

"He's never been in love before, maybe he just doesn't recognize it," Steve pitched in, and he knew that information because Eddie had told him once.

What did it have to do with anything?

"What does being in love has anything to do with this? Who's in love here? No one's in lov-" he started, and then he stopped.

Thought about your smile, and that funny little laugh you saved only for his stupid jokes. The way you'd hug him tighter and longer than everyone else. The way you and Robin shared perfumes, a fragrance he didn't really like much, but on you he'd love - something about the way it'd interact with your natural skin smell, and it intoxicated him in the best of ways. He thought about how soft your skin was, and how he loved when you ran your fingers through his hair. He thought about how he thought about you first thing when he woke up, and he thought about you last thing before sleeping. How he thought about you even when asleep - how he'd dream of you, and him, your hands clasped together, your lips on his.

"Oh my god, I think I'm in love," he muttered.

"Congrats on being the last one to find out," Nancy answered. He just looked at her, freezing, hands trembling a little. "What are you thinking about so much, just go!" She nodded at the kitchen and, once again, Eddie was up on his feet in an instant.

He practically ran to the other room.

"Steve, your cabinets are a nightmare," you said, back turned to the door as you heard steps.

"Not Steve," he said, and you turned to face him. That smile, the one reserved just for him, on your lips.

"Eddie! Here to help me? Does anyone want something else?"

He just shook his head and walked closer to you. Took your hand on his, and your skin was just as soft as he thought about constantly.

"Is everything okay?" you asked.

He nodded, "Yeah, just came to a realization."

"Care to share with the class?" your words all teasing but your smile was nothing but sweet. He wanted to kiss you.

"I want to kiss you," he said out loud.

Your smile grew wider, "Well, do it, then."

And he did. And it was so much better than in his dreams. Yous lips were soft and tasted of whatever soda you were drinking, and your hands craddled his neck and you sure could feel his pulse going a million miles per second. But he didn't care, because you seemed eager for more, tongue poking at his lips and he let you in, and it was like fireworks exploding inside his head. He feelt fuzzy, and warm all over, and the happiest he's ever been. Because he's in love with you, he realized, and he was kissing you and you were kissing him back.

It felt like years before you separated, both panting a little.

"Oh, man, I like you so much," you mumbled, lips still almost pressed to his so he feelt every vibration in each of your words. It tingled him, head to toe, in and out.

"That's my realization," he responded, and you gave him another peck, and another one, and you were kissing him again when you heard steps behind you.

"C'mon, slow lovebirds, where's my damn popcorn? I wanna watch the sequel!" Robin showed up, picked up the popcorn bowl and her coke before leaving again.

You and Eddie laughed, and you gave him another peck, and another one, and you were kissing him again.

Neither of you got to watch much of the sequel.

[icarusredwings]

The Salon

Thinking about transfem, Wade finds herself a nice beauty shop and she's been going here for a couple of weeks, and while she's worn wigs before, this is her first true glue down.

Tw (apprently) Dramatization of language, satire, it's supposed to sound terribly written. That's the point.

She's getting a full bouncey blowout, and today she's even decided that she's getting old money nails, Cherry Mocha to be exact. "They look like blood!" She giggles, estatic and simply glowing with joy.

"Now hold still, baby. You're finna mess up your edges."

"Honey, she gon be messing up more than that when she gets home." The woman next to them say.

The salon busts out in laughter as another client giggles in the heating dome.

"What? Why would I mess it up? I promise I'll follow the care routine."

They laugh again. "Oh sweetheart, They mean... Don't be letting your mans tug up on your weave."

"Oh.. OH -" she giggles too, blushing at the idea. She wonders what Logan was doing right now. If he likes the lunch, she packed him, and if his construction buddies were still giving him a fuss from the notes that she left him or the heart-shaped sandwiches.

"But darlin' I'm not kidding, when your mans see you, you're gonna have to beat him off ya with a stick!"

"Shoo guurrrll you're so right!" The other says.

Wade giggles once again, shaking her head quickly. "No, no! He ain't like that. I-i mean sure, he thinks im pretty, but.. he might be lying." She says quickly,

"Aye!! Gurl, watch the curler!! You're gonna done burn your neck off!" She scolds hers.

"I think you might have already burned her braincells off because there ain't no way you think he's lying. You gotta be kidding me!"

"If that man is lyin', Leave him, sis!"

"Noo... it's alright. I-I know he loves me, it's just.. I look like this - you know? And he's so god damn handsome I just.. sometimes I think he might-"

"Now you hush your mouth right now and litsen to me girl, you hear me? You are gorgeous. Besides, if a man can't handle a little cancer, then he aint worth your time and beauty. Huh ladies?"

"Mhm. Damn right." They nod, "Preach!"

"Maybe get a little work done in the chest. Boys love a fat chest, dollface."

Wade frowns, hands coming to her chest. Logan never mentioned anything about her being flat before, but.. the words don't help the voices telling her otherwise.

"Well, good thing she's put for a man, not a boy, huh, Georgette? Besides... yours couldn't keep your husband from lookin at the secretary.."

"Ooooh!!" The salon says as the woman known as Deb smirks. "Now let me turn ya around, baby."

A deep gasp came from her, leaning forward as she stood up, smiling widely. "Is that... me?" She whispers, hand going to the curls as tears gloss those bright opal eyes of hers.

"It's always been you, sugar. Just had to bring her out to shine in the sunlight. So whatda think? How do you feel?"

"I-.." standing she turns, looking at the sides and back. "I-i feel.. beautiful!!"

"Yeaah!! That's what we wanna hear. Now what do you think your hot hunk is gonna think about this?"

"If he don't take you home and please ya babygirl I will!"

The woman scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Shut up, Carl! Everyone round here done know you got the bumps!"

The changes were simple. Some deep conditioning lotion, a tiny bit of powder over the bandaged wounds, some tone matching lip stick, eyelash extentions, drawn on eyebrows, her nails. They all meant nothing individually but tied together with that wig?

Wade might actually begin to believe that she was pretty.

The shop bell rings as the salon goes quiet.

In walked a man in a sweat woaked wife beater, thick boots with cement stuck to the bottom, dirty pants and tan gloves with stains themselves, hair up his arms glittering with grey dust.

Wiping some sweat off his brow with a dark blue hankerchief, he smiles nervously. "Hi.. erm.."

"Damn.. what I wouldn't give to have an ass that tight.."

"I bet I could flick I dime off that thang." Some older ladies whispered to each other in the back.

Another began to fan herself with a magazine as she came to him. "How can I help you, sugar?"

Wade giggles, knowing her man was fine as fuck. Esspecially after work. If he stayed too long, though, he might stink up the shop.

"I'm uh.. lookin' for my wife..?"

"Mmh, is that so? And what if I say you're lookin at her right now?"

The mans face sqrunches, brows furrowing and nose twiching. "..I don't think so.."

Wade could squeal right now, giggling again.

"Oh leave that mean be, Loretta! He's old enough to be your father!"

"Tch.. if my father was that fine maybe I would've gone to college like my mama wanted." She says, moving aside as Wade stepped up. Logan knew that smile anywhere, his eyes lighting up, a little glad because things were starting to get uncomfortable.

"Hi..." she says, holding her purse behind her back with a small sway, blushing and giggling as she watches Logan's eyes look ever inch of her.

"H-hi! I uhm.. you look great." He grins, arms coming around her waist.

"Great? JUST great??" Debs hand came to her hip. "You insultin my work?"

"N-no ma'am! I-.. You're.."

A woman in the corner getting a perm starts to say something but Deb put her finger up. "Let the man think. It's hard to think of words when so much more is on his mind." She smirks, making Logan blush and look down.

Wade squeals in delight. "Is that true?"

He swallows. "Shh.. You look stunning. But.. you know you didn't have to do all this. You were already gorgeous just the way you are."

Wade blinks, misunderstanding. "You don't like it..?"

"No-"

"No!?"

The woman all look at each other with raised brows.

By now, Logan was sweating more from this then from the job. "No! I mean- Yes!! I do. I like it. But I LOVE you. No matter what. And I like what ever makes you happy. Does it make you happy?" He asks, hand coming up to softly caress her cheek.

"Yes.." She smiles. "Do you like my nails?" Her hand comes up as he tilts his head.

"They look like blood.."

"That's what I said!!" She giggles again, leaving the shop.

Loretta looks to Deb. "...Shes gonna need a touch up by the time hes done with her."

Deb laughs through her nose. "Shut up.."

[angelofsmalldeaath]

I don’t know if your taking requests but I would love to read something about taking a bath with Andrew 🥰 anyway, I love you’re writing!!

this is genuinely the freakiest coincidence because i wrote half of this last night, wayyy before getting this request!! anon we share the same braincell

also thank you sm for reading!! i appreciate you very much 🤎🤎

cw: nudity (non-sexual), sappy and sickly sweet but at this point if you're coming here expecting anything else...idk what to tell you

“ah, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” he shuts the bathroom door behind him, shuts his eyes too and sighs for a long moment. 

i flick some of my bath bubbles at him and squawk in mock outrage. “i’m naked in here, you know?”

still leaning against the door, he half-opens his eyes and smirks, “that supposed to deter me, darling?”

i take him in properly then—hair slipping out of his bun, messy, unruly, like he’s ran his hands through it quite a lot today. the sleeves of his sweaters are pushed up to his elbows. ink stains his fingers, calluses litter the palm of his hands. 

“there’s no way the two of us are fitting in this together,” i laugh, “we’d spill water everywhere!”

“i’ll clean it,” he protests without missing a beat. “let me in? please?”

softness creeps into his features, the kind that melts my heart until it’s nothing but a beating mess at his feet. “get in,” i smile, “i’ve got a eucalyptus bubble bath going.”

sluggishly he begins to get out of his clothes—socks at first, tossed in one corner of the bathroom, then the sweater joins the pile. i stare at him, a bit mesmerised, at his stomach and chest and arms. all that skin on display, skin that i have touched and caressed and kissed a million times. and yet i feel breathless. 

a moment later, he kneels by the tub, still in his jeans, and flicks a thumb at the corner of my lips. “got a bit of drool there, baby.”

i flush, and he steals a kiss, smug and satisfied. 

“don’t be evil,” i pout, “i’ll uninvite you!”

“mm-hmm, and are you capable of that?”

i roll my eyes, trying to hide the smile creeping onto my face once again. it takes him a few more seconds to pull down his jeans, his boxers, and then i slide forward and make room for him. 

the regret is instant. “oh my god,” i scrunch my eyes shut as water floods the bathroom, drenching the edges of his discarded clothes. all he does is laugh—impish and full of mischief. “god you’re lucky i love you!”

“i am,” he kisses the nape of my neck once he settles behind me, “i really am.”

his skin is warm when i settle against him. he smells like he always does—his cologne, day old now, the fabric softener he’s used since long before i knew him, and something that is entirely and inexplicably him. i breathe in deep until it fills my lungs, until the smell of eucalyptus almost disappears from the room. 

“how was your day?” 

“honestly?” he sighs, and starts a vague soapy doodle on my thigh. “it was a lot. not quite so physically, just…emotionally. i couldn’t wait to get back home to you.”

“yeah? that bad?”

“just hard…not bad. never bad.”

i nod, and trace a vein on his arm, leaving a soapy trail behind. silence settles over us for a few moments, occasionally broken by his small sighs. it’s nice, this—being able to feel his heartbeat against my body. absently, he hums a tune, something i haven’t heard before. 

“that’s new,” i lean my head against his chest, relish the vibrations of his humming travelling through my body. “is it?”

“it is. nothing concrete, just something i’ve been toying around with.”

“‘s nice, sweet.”

“you think so?” he asks and i nod. after another moment of silence, he chuckles lightly, then tightens his hold on me. “maybe i’ll use it for a song about you. that’s a nice idea, isn’t it?”

“i didn’t know there were songs about me,” i giggle, and kiss the back of his hand, once and then once again for good measure. 

“there are always songs about you,” he nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck, kissing the spot where my pulse is quite obvious. “in my head or my notebooks or on any scraps of paper i can get my hands on. always you.”

like he so often does, he leaves me speechless—stuck between blushing and welling up—until he flicks bubbles on me and the moment dissolves away. 

“we should just get takeaway,” he declares innocently, like he hasn’t left me with a lump in my throat. “i just want to be lazy with you.”

i clear my throat, shake my head. “takeaway it is. i can order while you clean the bathroom, right?” i bite my lip and keep the laugh in. 

he groans, huffs on my shoulder. “god, you’re lucky i love you!”

“i am,” i kiss his knuckles softly, knowing i mean every single word of it. “i really am.”

[thatstoomanysausages]

(Tomodachi Life): WHY IS THIS SO CANON

- Jimmy and Joel are calling

- LEWIS IS GROWN UP

- HES TALLER THAN JOEL😭😭 HAHAHAHHA

- God the 5 minute long flashback scene…

- I could skip it

- But memories…

- Skizz and Lizzie have had a fight

- I was thinking to myself: “can they even deny apologies” and then Lizzie basically goes “fuck you I don’t forgive you” like damn😭

- Grian and Scar are making goo goo eyes😭

- They saw me and turned away from each other all embarrassed😭

- Now they’re playing on the Wii

- Mumbo, Joe and Martyn are just jumping around the room like maniacs

- No braincells in that room. None at all.

- I go to Jimmy and Joel’s house and Joel’s have a shower

- You can tell it’s him in the silhouette because he’s so tiny😭😭😭

- Oh my god. Guess who’s in another fight?🤔

- It’s Grian!!!!😦😦😦😦😦😦

- With Joel, canon to Wild Life

- They made up, nice

- This game is bullshit. What do you mean Grian’s relationship with Scar is “slightly unhappy” but Scar’s relationship with Grian is “very much in love” WHAT THE FUCK

- Even Tomodachi Life doesn’t want these fuckers together

- Just gave Scar a muffin and he shot into space in happiness😭😭 you go king

- MARTYNS RELATIONSHIP STATUS WITH MUMBO IS “WANTS TO GET MARRIED”

- Also Martyn’s best friend relationship with Scar is “trustworthy” while Scar’s of Martyn is “really a best friend?” Damn.

- WAIT MUMBO’S RELATIONSHIP WITH MARTYN IS “unhappy”

- Are you fucking kidding me.

- No one can be fucking happy in this game.

- Wait… I’m playing a game with Joe and he was talking to distract me… and he said “Mumbo likes somebody” and I was like yeah I’d hope so, he’s dating Martyn. And then he said “he looks an awful lot like you, Grian’s lookalike(cause the first mii is always supposed to be yourself)”

- 😦 please just be fucking with me…

- Mumbo.. please don’t cheat on Martyn to get with Grian… you are both in a relationship

- (Wouldn’t be the first time Grian has cheated on Scar- I MEAN WHAT)

- Ren, Mumbo and Scar are having cafe gossip and Mumbo said “how can you tell when you are REALLY in love?” And Scar went “are you feeling okay” fucking support group ass convo

- Mumbo’s relationship is so fucked man 😭😭 watch out Martyn

- They’ve also gossiped about hearing noises from Gem and Tango’s room. And hearing rumours about Jimmy and Gem again

- once again.. Scar and Grian are staring at each other lovingly

- THIS IS GAYYYY

- Okay I read up on how to get a couple’s relationship status up a level, and it said to make them travel

- I gave Grian one and he went with his friends instead😭

- Then I gave Scar one and now they’re going together‼️‼️

- They were staring lovingly at each other before, so I have some hope

- Scar’s went up to “completely in love”, Grian’s is at “only just in love” mf sleep with one eye open.

- I’m gonna do it again.

- In a minute. Scar is setting up Lizzie and BigB on a date😭

- Did it work?

- NOOOOO JUST FRIENDS

- Ok fair

- OK SCARIAN TRAVEL TIME TO RAISE GRIANS LOVE METER ON SCAR

- THEYRE IN THE DESERT FUCK YEAHHHH

- He gave me desert sand as a souvenir. I know what you are.

- SCAR IS AT “WANTS TO GET MARRIED” YEAHHHHHHHH

- And Grian is just at “in love” which is the default. Motherfucker, please.

- I went in to check on Grian’s and just as I was about to enter, who came in? Scar. And they’re making goo goo eyes at each other again… “only just in love” my ass, well, not anymore I guess but shut up

- Fourth travel trip now…

- Scar is still the same as “wants to get married” is the highest status, and Grian’s is at “very much in love” WINNINGGGGGGG

- Okay I’ve got no more now.

- Grian has gone to Bigb’s place… don’t do this to me now.

- HA GRIAN FELL OVER HAHAHAHAH

- Oh my god, Jimmy and Joel date

- Cute

- My god so much happened…

[marysdonuts]

Tom and Jerry

school clown!Hoshi x top student!reader

Synopsis: After crossing the rubicon with your annoying classmate Hoshi "relationship" between the two of you improved. However you bump heads once more at Mingyu's game night party

Warnings: plot with smut, enemies to lovers, high IQ (f.) x low IQ (m.), slight angst, Mafia game at Mingyu's house, classmates, semi-public, banter, dirty talk, oral (f. receiving), brief mentions of other members, crack, Hoshi acting cray during the game, (no questionable fashion choices mentioned)

WC: 1.2K

Status: part 2 (ongoing), read part 1 here

masterlist / requests / taglist

Why should it be awkward after fucking your arch nemesis? Well, isn't that what all the books and movies want us to believe?

- The female lead got into dragged out moral battle with herself after giving in to the detestable male lead.. Making audience yawn. Questioning if this is who she really is, questioning God's intentions - ultimately running away never to return again. Revolutionary.

In reality things didn't have to be so black or white. There was no need to go thru the emotional rollercoaster of blaming it on your childhood trauma or turning it into religious guilt. Ultimately, we were put on this Earth to have fun. Why beat ourselves up for doing something that we actually enjoyed?

Living in the grey area had its perks.

Improved relationship with your desk-mate Hoshi was one of them. The steamy encounter in locker room visibly dissolving tension between two rivals.

You were in higher spirits than usual.

Well that was fun, didn't think he had it in him. Why was I acting like a bitch before? Guess I just needed the attitude fucked out of me. Kekekekekek

"What are you scheming down there, hm?" walking in Soonyoung saw you hunched over the desk cackling like an anime villain planning to take over the world.

"Wouldn't you like to know." pushing up non existent glasses reflecting the light for dramatic effect.

"I would love to know." towering over you

"Pfff, you wouldn't understand even if I told you!!" springing up the chair, sticking your tongue out at him

"See you at the game tonight~"you spiralled out the classroom in a way that resembled category 5 hurricane. Leaving Hoshi flabbergasted.

"Wasn't I supposed to be the crazy one?" rubbing his chin in disbelief, your wicked laugh echoed thru the halls

//

And exactly what game were you talking about?

Of course the quarterly Mafia get-together. You've been told that everybody gathers up in class president Mingyu's house once every three months. It's your first time attending.

Please, please, please give me a role! I can't stand being a boring citizen - eyes shut, you prayed as the host passed behind you. Tapping you on the shoulder.

"The mafia has been chosen."

silence

"The police officer has been chosen."

silence

"The doctor has been chosen."

//

You killed the doctor first. Something in Seungkwan's proud eyes gave him away. He liked to play the saviour and once again it got the best of him.

"Why am I always the one getting killed first?? Why do you hate me soo much" pouting, hands crossed on the chest

"That's what happens when people had enough of your shit. Bang, bang, bang!" Hoshi collapsed in front of Kwan, seemingly coughing up blood "better keep your head down next time.." clinging to Boo's ankle before theatrically releasing his final breath. Freezing on the floor.

"You! Shut the hell up!" kicking his foot, trying to free himself from Hoshi's iron claw

//

Citizens were dropping like flies. Only making the sinister look in your eyes grow bigger and bigger.

And so did Hoshi's craziness.

"it's MINGYU, HE'S THE MAFIA!!!" pointing at Mingyu, shivering in the corner, probably questioning why he invited this madman in the first place. He was voted off.

"Everyone, WAIT JUST LISTEN TO ME...!" human sized worm was now wriggling in Joshua's direction

With every nonsense spat from Hoshi's mouth, you could feel your braincells dying.

"MWAHAHA, YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN'T NOTICE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES, CHAN?? CAN'T FOOL ME!!!" backflipping to the opposite side of the room, attacking the youngest

Idiot. Can't fool you now, huh? We'll see 'bout that.

"What a big mouth you have over there, Kwon," raising to your feet, cackle of devil ready to deliver divine retributions "would be a shame if someone shut IT." you shot your thumb down making all the remaining civilians vote in unity. Crowd vailing.

Heh, so this is how it feels to be a roman emperor - sentencing slaves to their death for entertainment of the colosseum.

//

Not long after you were the sole survivor

"Mafia WON! Standing ovation for the lady!" clap clap clap host crowning you MVP of the game.

"Thank you, couldn't done it without you." palpable wink in direction of the fuming hamster, now seeking comfort between Mingyu's humongous man-titties. Once enemies now reunited in shared hardship

Misery loves company, doesn't it? Chuckling to yourself

Hoshi Kwon (19) left the mortal world behind right then and there - figuratively speaking of course. Utterly humiliated by you, again. He was supposed to SHINE! He was supposed to find the mafia! Finally got a role of policeman but every guess that he made tonight was incorrect

"You win. For now." darkness possessing his amicable face

Familiar knot taking shape in your stomach

//

DU! DU! DU!

Heavy knocks on the bathroom door

"Just a moment!" drying your hands

DU! DU! DU! DU! DU!

"Hey! I said I am coming..!" swinging the door open

"Oh? I wondered when you'd show up." smirk looming up your lips as Hoshi shoved you back inside

"Smart girl. Wanted to see me that badly?" there was nothing sweet about the way he closed the door shut

"At least one of us," shooting back "are you here to serve your sentence?" tracing finger on his lips

"Didn't you say somebody should shut my mouth? Then, sit on it."

Ah and there it was the residual craziness clouding his judgement. Ain't gonna argue with a dude that has big brown eyes. Whatever you say, beautiful.

You weren't wet yet but it wasn't hard to guess that in exactly two minutes you will be

"Hahah- what?" you were just joking, didn't expect to actually do it here. At house party? Is there a cliché more american? Neither of you were an american but you'd rather be caught dead than doing something so mainstream.

"Did I stutter? You always talk a big game in public but I want to see how brave you are now." hot breath already caught between your thighs, hungry kisses biting at your soft flesh making you whine. Guess they didn't call him tiger for nothing

"We are in Minguy's bathroom.." voice disappearing into thin air the moment his starving mouth made contact with your, now wet, private area

"And? didn't seem to mind the locker room last time" Hoshi's swirling tongue rolling over THE spot of your clit

"s-shut up, you idi- OOOOH" a cry hardly appropriate for friendly game night. The sensation making you drunk on his expert movements.

"Oh? I didn't know top students had such a dirty mouth" working harder and more relentlessly than before, the train of needy moans couldn't be stopped anymore.

And there you were. Once again with a good for nothing dude between your legs. Making you feel things nobody before him managed. How does he know exactly what you liked? Was it the environment? First the locker room now friend's house...A combination perhaps?

Taste of forbidden fruit is not easily forgotten,

but who doesn't love a good enemies to lovers trope?

To be continued

[usagiboshi]

𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗶𝗺 : jack howl

preview: how dating him would be?

series: dating series headcanons <3

pronouns: not mentioned! (gn! reader)

starring: j.howl

𝗝𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗟 (the "hey, you need help? i-i'm not doing it because i like you or anything! it's just...ah, forget it! give me those bags already! a-and don't go kissing me like that..! kind of boy <3 )

── jack is soo affectionate with you! he may not want to let it seem like he's clingy, but he likes it when you play with his hair or when you cuddle him in bed. he's the cutest wolfy when you pet his ears occasionally and kiss his forehead !

── likes to ask you to go runs or just exercising with him ! it's okay if you don't want it or just don't feel like doing anything, but he thinks is a good way of spending time with you :( if you don't wanna do exercises, it's okay! just go with him and watch him while he does it, please? <3 he'll get sooo happy if you go with him to cheer him up !

── he won't stay shut when he thinks someone is being disrespectful or unfair to you. i mean, you're his lover! of course he won't just lay back and let it happen to you! if it happens, he'll defend you with all his might, it doesn't matter what the person did! if they hurt you, they have a serious problem with him as well !

── will gladly accompany you to shopping and carry all the bags ! he doesn't mind doing it, jack likes to feel useful for you :( <3 either is helping you out on carrying the bags or giving you his opinion, he likes to feel like he's being helpful and useful

── i have a feeling that his love language would be physical touch and acts of service ! he likes to touch you. he likes to hug you, kiss you, cuddle you, snuggle with you, hold hands, forehead kisses and a lot more ! jack will always ask if you need any help with your things and will make sure to do it even when you don't ask him to !

── he likes to do things for you. again, he likes to feel useful <3 jack will always help you, it doesn't matter what it is. if you need help with something, he's right beside you to give you every support you need to get!

── he may be all distant with other sometimes, but it's a completely different story with you. he'll never treat you with anything other than pure love and respect ! <3

── will introduce you to his siblings ! his siblings are quite the sporty and energic ones, just like him! it'll be so nice to play around with the siblings and jack <3 and he will also like a lot to spend time with you !

── out of the braincell squad, he's probably the most smart one. in my head he's smart and will teach you things if you don't know it! if you have any problem with any school subject, just go ask him and he knows i! and if he doesn't, he'll learn it just to help you :(

── please please please don't be mean to him :( he's such a good boy and just wants to see you happy and with everything you need! jack may seem cold and distant on the outside, but he's such a sweetheart and cares a lot about you. he loves you a lot <3

[primoppang]

hi. hi. here to request. a little seungmin fluff where we are kind of lonely and sad and he reminds us that he’s always there : )

HI HONEY TY FOR BEING MY FIRST EVER REQUEST <3333 ily and seungie so I got u bby ◡̈ mwah ur the best ( ˘ ³˘)♡

warning: swearing is inevitable with me sorry ¯\_(˶′◡‵˶)_/¯, fluff, like gross amounts of it, seungmin says "this is so gay but..." because he cringes at showing affection but refuses to let you forget how he feels about you fr, he's a tsundere ok? ok. he licks your face(?) , one (1) kiss, he joking threatens to fight you, and mentions of self doubt and anxiety, angst if you blink but I think it's mostly fluffy... anyways! lmk if I missed anything!!!

WC: a little under 500 :D

AN: this is the first drabble I've ever done in bullet point format so just pls lmk how it goes??? Im super nervous I hope it's at least an easy read :(

so the first time he realizes that you're feeling lonely he slaps himself internally because how DARE he make you feel that way, but he's not home rn and can't show you physically so he comes up with a Plan™️

you're literally the light of his life

so he just >:(

but not at u

he just wants to make you feel happy and loved and safe

so he starts brainstorming

but he's naturally a menace

so when you're texting with him while he's working and you're being kinda short

because yk

u just feel :(

he just sighs and texts back

"look, please don't feel sad. I know this is pretty fucking gay but I love you."

which makes u giggle

because that's YOUR seungie that YOU know and love so much

<3

BUT whenever he's able to be physically with you and he can just feel your self doubt and anxiety creeping in and trying to swallow you, he once again uses his braincell.

so he just grabs ur hand

and leads u out of ur bed and to the living room

sits u down

and starts running around ur shared apartment grabbing every blanket and pillow that exists within the space

and I mean

E V E R Y. S I N G L E. O N E.

puppy zoomies moment hehe

and don't even think about trying to question him

he'll just say "shut up and wait while I set up a big ass fort for us to cuddle in, ok?? I love you but I wanna make u SEE THAT."

which u smile at

because him telling u to shut up

but then explaining why

and then also watching him move furniture and start building the fort, you tear up with happy tears

because???

:(

he's the sweetest and u love him so much

but when he hears u sniffle

he turns on Extra Puppy Mode™️

pops out from under some blankets and tackles you into the couch and holds your face

wiping ur tears

maybe even licked one because he's a freak and wanted to get a reaction

which u just squealed at bc wtf sir

but then he realizes

oh ur crying because ur so touched by this whole thing that he's doing

!!!

"... you dummy. stop crying... we gotta get snacks and stuff for our super awesome fort yk??? and you won't be able to see if you're cryi—"

you cut him off by giving him a little kiss on his pouty lips

as a silent thank you :(

which he realizes that oops maybe he got too serious and overwhelming

but you reassured him that you're just so glad to have him as your partner and best friend in one :(

"please just remember that I do love you, and I'm always here even if that brain of yours tells you otherwise, ok? or I'll have to fight you... affectionately."

and then he proceeds to smother you in kisses and cuddles :(

[numptypylon]

“Rayla is… not my lovebug.”

“Oh ho, now?" Nyx leaned obnoxiously close, her eyebrows raising. "Have you told her that?”

“She told me," Callum said, angry all over again suddenly that... she actually hadn't told him that and yet they weren't- "So I’m tentatively assuming that she knows.”

“Oh ho? So she broke up with you and yet you’re still adventuring together, risking your lives for each other, making love eyes at each other at every opportunity… ah, to be young and in love and a garbage fire of collective awkwardness of such radiance as to light up the heavens-”

“Yeah!” Ezran agreed, walking up to them. Oh no. Hopefully Nyx would tone down the… everything… around an 11-year-old, but… considering he had been 14 himself when he’d first encountered Nyx, he didn’t have high hopes. “It’s gross and they’re so dumb, and here I am, a doomed onlooker!"

“You got the family braincell, I see,” Nyx said, winking at Ezran.

Ezran nodded sagely. “My blessing and my curse, ‘tis true.”

Really?! Did Ez really have to form an alliance with every new person they met to tag-team roast him?!

Nyx turned away from Ezran, her unwanted attention firmly back on him now. “I still need the full status update on my favorite dysfunctional lovebugs!” Nyx would keep prodding, and Callum didn’t want her to prod Rayla- “You know there’s another ex-lovebug who could tell me-“ Did he just curse that idea into Nyx’s head?! “But you’re currently the less puke-smelling option, so…"

Nyx really didn't subscribe to the idea of sensitive subjects you should keep your trap shut about.

“We… broke up. Like you said.” One way to say it. But he wasn’t giving Nyx any ammunition to use against Rayla. “Then made up. Kind of. We’re friends, just not… lovebugs.”

“Friends with benefits?”

“What friends do you have?” Ezran asked, all wide-eyed, vicious innocence. “Do you not consider friendship a benefit?”

“Hey!” Nyx looked insulted. “I thought we were allies against yon magus of maladroit you tragically must call brother?”

“My allegiances are many and inscrutable!” Ez stuck his tongue out at Nyx.

“’Allegiances’? ’Inscrutable’? Sheesh, kid, how old are you? And what awful, terrible company do you keep?!”

“11. And… politicians.”

“Oh no, you’re serious?! Oh kid, the depths of my condolences is one of them yawning chasms of endless screaming-“

“Oi?!” Villads yelled. “Matey? Riggin’ snagged!”

“I don’t hold court with betrayers, anyway,” Nyx said, incredibly hypocritically for someone who’d stranded them in a desert, and she pushed off the deck and was airborne, heading off towards the center mast.

“What is the benefit of being ‘friends with benefits’?” Ezran asked, looking around to Callum and then Soren, who had just arrived with Hat perched on his head. “The friendship is pretty obviously a benefit of being friends without having to say it, so I know it isn’t that, I just said that because Nyx was being mean.”

“Oh, I know!” Soren said, eagerly. “It’s s-“

“Sandwiches!” Callum cut him off. “Sandwiches, Soren! Remember?”

“Riiiiight!” Soren winked, exaggeratedly. “Sandwiches. Got it. Corvus makes the best bread sandwich, extra mayonnaise-“

“Please, Soren,” Callum choked. “Please, let’s… talk about something else. Anything else. Please.”

———

Excerpt from an upcoming chapter of my S4-6 between-canon-episodes fic, Downtime’s Up (successor to my S1-3 between-canon-scenes fics Downtime in Wartime and Upside Downtime)

It’s wednesday and I have many wips I want to work on and no time, but I DO also have a lot of stuff written and not posted, so… hope you enjoyed some overgrown pigeon time and depraved sandwich innuendos. Once I get past the next 4 chapters of Downtime’s Up, I have most of the rest of the story written, just… it’s been rough going to write anything lately

[hollandorks]

haven

battinson! bruce wayne x f! reader

chapter five

Summary: After the sudden deaths of your mother and grandmother, you’re forced to return home to Gotham…and to the man who broke your heart three years ago. Back in Bruce Wayne’s inescapable orbit, you vow to get to the bottom of your former best friend’s new cold personality. But Bruce’s secrets aren’t what you’re expecting. a

a/n: I won't lie, I love this chapter, especially because it shows one of my favorite things about this reader very clearly--the fact that she only has one braincell. She's been surprisingly fun to write, even with all of the angst!

Series Masterlist

word count: 2.6k

The doors opened with a noise so loud she winced. 

When she looked up, she was face to face with a gun.

Y/n was afraid in a distant sort of way. It was, sadly, not the first time she’d been held at gunpoint pursuing a story. But the first time had been with a wire under her shirt and a whole bunch of cops around the corner. 

This time, she was alone. 

And the man on the other end of the gun was a cop. 

“Shit,” Lieutenant Gordon said and, mercy of all mercies, put away his weapon. “What are you doing here?” 

For some reason, the disappearance of the gun kicked the fear up a notch. Her heart suddenly tried to take flight. She took a deep breath, dizzy now, and managed to say, “Got a second for that interview?” Her voice was too high. Probably not the best time to crack a joke, but she obviously wasn’t thinking clearly. 

Behind Gordon was a shadow. 

No, a man. 

The Batman. 

His mouth was slightly parted, what she could see of his face…almost shocked. 

“You two look awfully surprised to see that someone followed you. The blindingly bright light wasn’t very hard to find.” She should shut up, she thought distantly. She still wasn’t sure if they could be trusted. But the fear was ebbing away, slowly but surely. 

Gordon pinched between his eyes, the movement pushing his glasses up to his forehead. 

“There’s a locked gate that requires a code. There’s barbed wire.” He sounded like Alfred when she and Bruce had gotten into something they were told not to touch or do as kids. Tired dad voice, they called it, snickering behind his back. 

She hooked her thumb in Batman’s direction. He still stood absolutely still, cape blowing in the breeze, his mouth closed now. “Followed this guy in.” 

Gordon looked over at the vigilante. “This is the girl you–” 

“I remember,” Batman said in that voice of gravel and smoke. It sent a thrill of fear through her. Actually, his voice was kind of sexy, now that she was thinking about it. 

She was losing her mind. She had barely slept in a week and she was losing her mind. She was with two men she wasn’t sure if she could trust, on top of an abandoned building where it would be very easy to kill her, and she was thinking of sexy voices. Well, one sexy voice in particular. No offense to Gordon, she thought wryly. 

“I’m also, um…a journalist.” This was directed at the vigilante. In her experience, honesty opened up more doors than it shut. She was usually pretty good at figuring out when to lie, particularly about her profession, and when to tell the truth. Or when to split the difference. She trusted her gut more often than not, and right now, she was relatively at ease. “Couldn’t help it, sorry.” 

“So you just…” Gordon waved a hand vaguely. 

“Followed the light? Yeah. I just hope it doesn’t lead to death like it usually does.” God, she needed to stop cracking jokes. She wasn’t out of the woods yet. “So if you’re going to murder me, can I please at least get a good quote first?” 

“This concerns her anyway,” Batman said, shocking her so much that she nearly toppled over the edge of the tower. And–oh shit, the tower was really tall and had absolutely no walls or rails or anything to protect her from the drop. She took a shaky step back towards the elevator, but it had returned down below. Heights had never been her friend. An irony, Bruce liked to point out, because she lived in a tower. Then that would almost always start an argument about what “irony” meant. 

“Are you sure?” Gordon said. The wind whistling in her ears made it hard to hear. She hoped the question wasn’t Are you sure we shouldn’t kill her? and was instead simply Are you sure we’re going to trust her? 

“We can always throw her over,” he said. There was something almost familiar about his voice, she realized, but then the words caught up to her. 

She gulped, dizzy again, but Gordon did a double take. “Did you just make a joke, man?” 

The Batman gave no indication that it had been a joke. She gripped the pepper spray tighter. Not that it would help her if she got tossed over the side, but it made her feel a little better. 

“He’s kidding, don’t worry. Tell her you’re kidding, she looks ready to puke.” Gordon crossed his arms, clearly not intimidated in the least by the hulking figure of the vigilante. 

“I’m kidding,” the Batman said with a cutting glance towards Gordon. “I don’t kill people.” 

She squinted at him, unable to clearly see him in the darkness. She really couldn’t tell if he was serious or not. She guessed he had to have at least some sense of humor about all of this. He was dressed as a fucking bat, after all. 

She decided to trust them. “Okay, which means I’ll be really upset if you make an exception for me. I’ll haunt your ass. Yours too, Gordon, because supposedly you’re the only cop who isn’t corrupt in this city.” She crossed her arms and shivered. As long as she ignored the sheer drop surrounding her on three sides, she’d be fine. “Though I’m not convinced yet. I’ve been gone from Gotham for too long.” 

“The force has changed a lot in a year.” Another look exchanged with the vigilante. “But I understand the sentiment.” 

Y/n glanced around, keeping her eyes on the view instead of the drop. “So no one else has ever followed you up here?” she asked curiously. She saw what she was pretty sure was a spotlight on the far side of the platform. “Because seriously, the light is a dead giveaway.” 

“His girlfriend did once,” Gordon said, and he smiled. “But no one else.” 

“Wasn’t my girlfriend,” the Batman mumbled. Mumbled. He was suddenly less scary when he sounded like any surly man denying any attachment to a woman. 

Her ears perked up. “Oh? She got a name?” 

They both gave her looks that said they knew exactly what she was up to. She shrugged, the perfect picture of innocence. It was worth a shot. 

She changed tactics. “You said this concerns me. What does?” 

“The murders you witnessed,” Gordon said. “We found ties to the Gallo family. I was coming to fill him in.” 

“The Gallo family,” she repeated. She knew this already, but better to play at ignorance in case they gave her more information. That and it hadn’t been confirmed by someone who was on the investigation team. “The mobsters in New York?” 

“The very same.” 

“Was the one who got away one of them?” she asked. Because that would be bad. Very bad. 

“We didn’t get any information out of the other three. One…committed suicide not too long ago, actually. Part of why I’m here.” Gordon sighed. “Getting rid of Falcone created a vacuum. The Gallos are just the first ones powerful enough to fill the space.” 

Falcone. She knew the name. Knew the story. Knew he’d been responsible for the deaths of Bruce’s parents. That was one death she hadn’t begrudged the Riddler–at least Thomas and Martha had gotten justice, in the end. 

The Batman turned and looked over the city. His figure cut a dark shadow across the city skyline. “Any ideas where to start looking?” 

“So you can bust some heads?” Gordon said. He was smiling. Y/n looked between them. It was fascinating. They were obviously close but this only confirmed it. She itched to take notes but she didn’t want either of them to snatch her phone. Damn, she should have set it to record when she was in the elevator. Gordon continued, “But no. We’re coming up empty so far. None of the typical informants have heard anything about the Gallo family. As far as we know, none of them are actually in the city. If they are, they’re laying low.” 

“Could you identify them again?” Batman asked. His eyes glinted in the darkness as he faced her again. She noticed he hadn’t come any closer to her, unlike Gordon who was only a couple of feet away. Instead he was near the edge, about as far away from them as he could get. Was it to make her feel better, safer? 

“Maybe, with the help of the video.” She knew eyewitness testimonies were shaky at best. And the more traumatic the event, the more unreliable the testimony could be. But a video helped and would do wonders in court. “What does this mean for me?” she asked. “Am I supposed to stay locked up forever, afraid to go out in case there’s a mob hit on me? Or even just a regular murderer trying to take out a witness? Because both of those are kind of shitty.” 

“Yes,” Batman said at the exact same time Gordon said, “Probably.” 

Her heart sank. 

“We’ve been protecting your identity as best we can,” Gordon said in a sure tone that again made her think of Alfred. She wondered if Gordon had kids. “But we can’t be sure there isn’t a leak in the department. We’re still plugging all the holes left behind from Falcone.” 

She winced. “Okay, I’ve done two bad things so far.” The Batman crossed his arms. Gordon motioned for her to continue. “First, I may or may not have been loaned out to the Tribune on special assignment to report on my own case. So the editor definitely knows my identity. And I also may or may not have reached out to a GCPD officer to be a source.” 

She heard the Batman sigh even over the noise of the wind. Gordon was pinching the bridge of his nose again. Their response made her feel like a little kid getting in trouble and it made her bristle. She bit her tongue to keep from immediately defending herself. 

“Which officer?” Gordon asked and his tone told her all she needed to know. He didn’t trust some of his fellow cops, if any. 

“He hasn’t even agreed to be a source yet, and besides I have the right to protect–” 

“Which officer?” Batman cut in, the sharp growl of his voice startling her. 

The sound of it made her spit it out. “Martinez.” 

Both men visibly relaxed. “Martinez is solid. There’s a reason I brought him with me to get your statement,” Gordon said. “We can trust him.”

“Okay, good. That’s good. See? I’m not a total idiot.” She relaxed marginally. 

“Maybe you’re just lucky,” Batman said. 

She laughed humorlessly. “Lucky? Well, buddy, you know what I was doing the same day I witnessed a fucking mob hit? Burying my mother and grandmother. And don’t even get me started on the rest of my personal life right now.” 

“He didn’t mean it,” Gordon said with a sharp look. “His humor takes some getting used to.” 

Batman mumbled something under his breath again that sounded a lot like I can talk for myself. But he didn’t actually butt in. 

“Okay, whatever. What can I do? I don’t want to be killed, obviously, and I don’t particularly like the idea of being locked in an ivory tower either, nice as it is.” What she didn’t say was that she wasn’t sure she could handle being locked in Wayne Tower with Bruce Wayne. She just couldn’t. She couldn’t be reminded of how close they used to be and the distance between them now. And all of that on top of the immense grief she experienced at unpredictable times. She never knew when she’d be reminded of her grandmother and subsequently that she was gone. Around every corner, through every doorway, was the potential for a punch to the gut when she remembered her grandmother was dead. 

“What can you do? Stop sneaking into construction sites at night, for one,” Gordon said with a soft snort. “But any information, anything, you come up with while working on this story, send it to me, too. And we’ll work with you on identifying that fourth suspect.” 

“You aren’t going to tell me to stop investigating?” 

It was the Batman who answered. “Would you actually stop?” His voice was rough on her skin, giving her goosebumps that had nothing to do with the cold or the fear of heights. 

She shrugged. “Probably not. But I don’t want to die, either.” 

“I’ll keep an eye out for you,” he said. He took a step forward. She noticed how broad his shoulders were, how sharp his jaw was, how his gloved hands were clenched into fists at his side. She really, really should have found a way to sneakily record everything. She was probably closer to the Batman than most people had ever been. 

She swallowed. “Don’t worry, Wayne Tower’s plenty secure.” 

“Still. I’ll be around.”

“That sounds a lot like stalking.” She raised an eyebrow. 

“I promise I won’t peek in your windows.” A twitch at the corner of his lips. 

“That sounded a lot like another bad joke,” she said. But she smiled.  

“Let me drive you home,” Gordon interrupted. He was glancing back and forth between them, eyebrows raised. She wanted to protest, but she doubted her luck had held long enough for her to be able to get a taxi back home. 

“What, that’s it? Two whole pieces of information and you go home? You guys don’t text or anything?” She crossed her arm. She really hadn’t gotten any more information that she didn’t have–except for the suicide of one of the suspects. If it even was a suicide. “This meeting could have been an email.” 

“Never know who’s listening,” Gordon said. He tilted his head towards the vigilante. “Besides, he’s paranoid. Only calls if he needs something. Hates texting.” 

She eyed the man in question. If he hated texting, maybe he wasn’t as young as she thought. Then again, Bruce hated texting too, old man at heart that he was. But he was the exception, not the rule. 

“I’d really appreciate it if you two kept me in the loop too. Quid pro quo,” she said. 

“For your article?” Batman asked. There was a certain edge to his words that made her think he didn’t like reporters. And really, it made sense. If she was trying to keep her identity a secret, she wouldn’t like reporters either. They were a chronically nosy bunch even when they weren’t working on a story. 

“For my life. If I survive this, yeah I’m going to write a hell of an article. But I kind of have to be alive to write it, don’t I?” She crossed her arms again and stared him down. 

“Quid pro quo,” Gordon said. “As long as you two agree to play nice.” He chuckled, like it was part of a joke. 

“Keeping her alive is nice,” Batman said. Another joke? Every interaction between him and Gordon solidified the fact that they got along well and were around each other often. No way Gordon didn’t know the guy’s real identity. But if they were as close as she suspected and if Gordon was as honorable as everyone said…no way was he going to let any hints slip. 

Her mind spun as the two men talked quietly about off the clock watches of Wayne Manor. She now had two very reliable sources for her article–if they really did keep her in the loop–and a new certainty that an op-ed for the Batman was in her future. She doubted any reporters in Gotham had spent as much time with the vigilante as she already had. Her veins thrummed with that inner fire. 

She might be able to expose a mob conspiracy and the Batman’s identity in one fell swoop. 

It was all she could think of as Gordon drove her home.

Next Chapter

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@ktficworld @grunge-n-roses5 @anon-cat-posts @projectdreamwalker @warsaur @lachillona02 @crazyunsexycool @doetic @alexiris @that-girl-named-alex @harry-bowie-mercury @vaniasagitaa @widows-writings

[kittynugg]

chapter 2 of A Little Dilemma is out!

chapter: 1/2/?

words: 2,872

(also hey maybe reblog this if you like it :> just sayin it helps me spread my words to the world)

Ford limped into the kitchen with a heaved sigh, flanked of course by a panicked Soos.

“Dude, I’m just saying, but when you just poof into a little baby I promise me and Mister Pines are gonna take care of you,” assured the well-meaning man who just happened to be pushing every button Ford had.

He jerked open the fridge, casting a “I could kill you in fifty different ways and hide your body in twice as many places at the same time” glare at Soos who still didn’t get the message, and took out a can of soda. “You’ve said that eleven times in the past fifteen minutes.”

And this had been going on for two hours. Two. Hours.

He bumped the fridge shut with his elbow and hobbled past Soos. Unsurprisingly, he followed him all the way to the couch, the place he’d been for most of the day. And Soos, Soos had been there most of the day as well. Waiting for something to happen. He’d even closed down the shack for the day! ..Honestly Ford didn’t mind that, that just meant he didn’t have to explain “yes, I do have a laboratory in my basement which is accessible via this vending machine but that’s none of your business” to six different tourists.

But he did mind Soos breathing down his neck when he was just trying to drink some damned Pitt!

He settled down on the couch again, remote in-hand, (character development!) and turned up the volume to drown out Soos’ continued reassurances. He’d actually made a game out of the infomercials, and hence had decided to keep them on. The goal was to guess what they were advertising before it was outright said.

“ARE YOU TIRED OF THE CRUSHING WEIGHT OF EXISTENCE CONSTANTLY BORING DOWN ON YOU!?” The TV crackled.

..What was this one? Prozac?

“COME TO MAMA MISFORTUNE’S TRAVELING CARNIVAL, IN GRAVITY FALLS UNTIL MONTH’S END! THE PERFECT DISTRACTION FROM YOUR MODERN WOES!” 

Oh. The fair. Well, now that he knew he’d already been there the ad was just annoying, so he changed the channel. A documentary about how jellybeans were made came on by chance.

Now that was something he could ignore both Soos and the crushing weight of existence with.

And ignore, he did. 

It was fascinating, apparently Jelly Belly used natural ingredients whenever possible! So.. Hey, wasn’t there a dog food one? And.. barf?

He chose not to think about that. But the process was a marvel! First they poured a slurry of corn syrup, sugar, corn starch and “do you feel any younger yet Mister–”

“Soos!” Barked Ford, whipping in Soos’ direction. “Can you please let me enjoy my mindless entertainment in peace!?” He slapped a hand to his face.

Soos, of course, decided to act like a confused puppy about it! His shoulder hunched and he took a couple of steps back. “I was just tryna make sure you’re okay, dawg..”

Okay, he was done with this!

“It is tap water,” he sighed shakily. “I’ve found the actual fountain of youth. Trust me when I say that that vial has never gone near it.” A circular gesture was made with his finger vaguely near Soos’ pocket where he believed the vial to be. “I am.. Getting close to begging here.” And he was not going to let Soos push him to that point!

It actually looked like at least one neuron fired in Soos’ brain, and a faint smile spread across his face. “You’re sure, dude?” Hearing him not immediately reject Ford’s assurance was like a breath of fresh air. Ford nodded frantically.

“Yes! One hundred percent sure! Nothing is going to come of this, I promise.”

“But what if there’s, like, a tap of youth?”

That one made him do a double-take. Surely that singular functional braincell Soos had was trying its best, h– okay maybe he was being a little harsh now. He mentally vowed to stop insulting Soos. “There is no tap of youth, Soos.” He answered simply, then took a deep breath. In quickly, out slowly. Activate that parasympathetic nervous system before you have a heart attack. “Satisfied?”

“Alright, dawg, I trust you. You’re, like, the smartest dude I know anyway!” Soos chortled, facepalming. That was.. Surprisingly easy. “Dude, I don’t even know why I was so worried. Gonna start sounding like you or Dipper soon. No offense, dude.”

STOP SAYING “DUDE” IN EVERY SENTEN- 

Ford sighed. “Oh, none taken. I know we can be awfully paranoid.” Keep the peace, Stanford, you just got him to potentially leave you alone. “Speaking of which, have you seen him and Mabel?” A glance around returned no information. Wonderful.

“They just went in the kitchen! Hey, are you starting to smell smoke too or is it just me? ..Because I do this weird thing sometimes where I just smell smoke out of nowhere.. Is that some creepy paranormal thing?” Soos wiggled his fingers for emphasis, and Ford’s expression blanked at the sight of smoke starting to waft from the kitchen. “I’unno, dude, kinda suspicious.. And are you seeing that smoke comin’ out of the kitchen? Crazy coinciden-”

He was cut short by Ford jumping to his feet and sprinting into the kitchen. Dipper and Mabel were there, alright, coughing and frantically fanning at the smoke billowing from a pot on the stove. Because stars forbid he sat down for five minutes without something happening. On a habit he couldn’t remember building but couldn’t remember not having, his eyes scanned them for any injuries. 

They were fine at first glance (incredibly scrutinizing stare, actually), but sort of just stared back at him with the wide eyes of a couple of kids who had been caught. Dipper froze mid-panic, then slowly turned to Mabel. “..who’s taking the fall this time,” he whispered as if Ford wasn’t right there.

“I call not it.” Mabel hissed back. Ford was not impressed. He stood against the doorframe, arms crossed and fingers tapping impatiently against his sweater, sure to hover his injured foot off the ground ever-so-slightly because running on an injured ankle made it worse?

“I mean, it was your idea. You can’t just call not it when it was your fault in the first place.” Logic and reason, Ford was rooting for Dipper on this one. He wasn’t exactly planning on scolding either of them, though, just waiting for them to finish their routine so he could clean up the mess. He was the adult, after all, being injured didn’t change that.

Mabel blew a raspberry at him. “I just di- he’s watching us by the way but I just did!” They both looked back at Ford and his.. Disappointed father stance against the doorframe, then Dipper cleared his throat and stepped in front of Mabel.

“We were just–” he began, folding his hands, but Ford silenced him with a raised hand.

He muttered in a steady tone, “save it. Are either of you hurt?” They were subjected to another quick examination, his eyes darting over them before Mabel responded.

“Uh, we didn’t really get far enough to get hurt..” She cast a wary glance toward the pot as Ford limped over to shut off the stove and waved away the smoke. 

Dipper added, “but we did get far enough to completely obliterate that pot,” as Ford squinted into the charred bottom of the pot. There were a few bones resting in the bottom. 

Concerning. In fact, all he could say to that was, “ho.. How?” with a baffled look at Dipper and Mabel. He carefully picked up the dish by the handles and set it in the sink to deal with later, then leaned against the counter and lifted his foot slightly. Ouf, he could feel a headache coming on already.. “What were you even attempting to.. Cremate?”

“Food,” the younger twins said in unison, then Dipper branched off. “We thought you’d like it if we cooked something nice..”

The only thing you cooked is your chances of entering this kitchen without supervision again, Ford thought, whatever was in that pot is far beyond “cooked”.

“Ah, a pot of bones,” Ford commented dryly, but added a chuckle in case the kids didn’t realize he was joking. 

Dipper leaned over the sink with a playful smirk and pointed into the pot. “I mean, there’s also some ash in there if you look really closely.”

“And glitter!” Mabel added in a chirp, and all of a sudden Ford’s cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling.

He knelt down (awkwardly and painfully) to ruffle Mabel’s hair and rolled his eyes. “Of course there’s glitter, how could you forget glitter?” Then his expression dropped. ..Hold on a minute. “You were going to feed me glitter?”

Instead of explaining themselves, the kids each grabbed one of his hands and pulled him out of the room.

“Don’t worry about it!”

“We can handle the mess!”

“You need rest, Grunkle Ford!”

“Yeah, you’re hurt!”

They both reassured quickly before pushing him back onto the couch. Mabel scampered off to make the kitchen worse– I mean clean it, and Dipper lingered in the living room to fuss over his Grunkle. “You’ve gotta keep it elevated,” he reminded in a murmur as he lifted Ford’s foot onto the arm of the couch. “And what did I say about moving around?”

Ford cast a glare at the ceiling. His eye twitched. “Not for at least two days unless I absolutely have to.” He grumpily quoted what Dipper had told him an hour after he and Mabel got home. Knowing him, he probably spent that hour researching how to care for sprained ankles. Very sweet, but also a little bothersome because he was getting high and mighty advice from a child. “But this time–”

“Mabel and I had it under control! No buts, just..” Dipper sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Give yourself a break for once, okay?” Oh, great, now he was preaching it. The one person he thought was on his side had switched up on him. Wanted him to “rest”.

And yet he had no choice but to listen.

Begrudgingly.

So like any functional adult that wasn’t him, he shifted to make himself comfortable, turned his head toward the TV, shifted again because laying like that hurt his neck, let Dipper adjust his injured foot again, shifted, grumbled incoherently for the sake of grumbling, couldn’t reach the remote, and decided he couldn’t do this.

“I can’t do this.” His brows knitted together as he spoke. “I’m not.. Equipped for relaxation, Dipper.”

A muttered, “oh my god” from Dipper was not lost on him but he chose not to comment. “..okay. Compromise, then. Be stressed, but from a supine position.” That was.. Possible.

Ford crossed his arms and squared his jaw. He knew stress. He knew stress well. This was easy. He swung his legs off the couch to pace–

“Grunkle Ford! Lay! Down!” Scolded Dipper, causing him to flinch back into his original lying position. Yelled at by a child! At least that made being stressed easier! ..and a little harder as Dipper settled down on the couch by him to watch the TV. “Literally just.. Stare at the TV and do nothing. Grunkle Stan does it all the time, you’ll pick it up.”

He. Wasn’t. Stanley. Instead of saying that he decided to just sigh and look back at the television himself. “There’s nothing interesting on,” he complained, more of an excuse than anything. “Your Grunkle Stan thinks The Duchess Approves is quality television, he’ll watch anything.”

“Not anything, he won’t watch any more Dream Boy High with Mabel.” Ford watched as his nephew strained to reach the remote, nearly falling off the couch in the process. “But!” He tossed the remote in his hand with a flourish as if he didn’t almost just faceplant into the carpet. “We live in the future.” The remote clicked as he pressed a button on it, then Disney+ opened.

Hm, right, you can put applications on the TV. He forgot that sometimes. “We really do live in the future..” he whispered in astonishment. 

“Let’s see, uh.. What’s something you’ll like..” Dipper thought out loud, scrolling through the selection of movies. ”Bambi? Too old. Uh.. Frozen? ..ehhh.. You wouldn’t like Inside Ou– oh!” He stopped on a movie called Big Hero 6. Ford wasn’t so sure about it, considering the big marshmallow guy on the cover.. Promo art thing, but the child was excited about it and damn his paternal instincts.

So, of course, he lied! “It looks interesting,” he stated. “Go on, play it. I can tell you want to.” 

Grinning, Dipper put on the movie and they watched.

----

“Have I been perfect? No!” Aunt Cass ranted as she walked toward the building, nephews in tow. “Do I know anything about children? No!” She moved to unlock the door. “Should I have picked up a book on parenting!? Probably!”

Ford gestured with a hand toward the screen. “I can relate to this,” he stated blankly, eliciting a chuckle from Dipper. It was true. He had no idea how those kids hadn’t died yet under his and Stan’s care.

And.. they kept watching. A quick summary:

“Oh, there’s the marshmallow guy.”

“The whole ‘invention getting a person into college’ thing hits just a bit too close to home.”

“TADASHI NOOOOOOOOOO”

And so on. The ending? Pure agony. 10/10. He was wrong about not being interested. Stan and Mabel had joined them sometime during the movie and Mabel had long since made herself comfortable on top of his chest. 

“Is that all I am to you?” Ford complained without any real bite in his voice. “A cushion?”

Mabel giggled in response, “you were gonna get up if I didn’t! I’m helping!” Then shifted to hug him and pulled Stan into it as well. “You and Grunkle Stan are the best cushions, anyway.”

“Quit bein’ sappy, Mabel.” Stan grumbled, though he hid most of his emotions beneath that gruff shell that was completely transparent to Ford. He was clearly trying not to cry. “I can’t take that right now.” He sniffed.

Dipper leaned over to look at him, pausing the credits with the push of a button. “Are you.. Crying?” 

“Wow, would you look at that!” Stan whipped to his feet and enthusiastically pointed at the clock, reading 11:34. “It’s half an hour past your bedtime!” Instead of acknowledging Dipper and Mabel’s groans and protests, he nudged them toward the stairs with a grumpy, “eh!”

Then he turned to Ford with the same stern look. Why did that make him nervous?

“You too, Ford,” the dreaded words came out flatly, like they had no meaning. Ford shot him a glare as an unspoken no. “Don’t gimme that look. You need sleep if you wanna get better.” Stan knelt to nudge his shoulder. “Dipper told me everything.”

Oh, what a rat! ..Not actually he would never say that about his nephew. 

He crossed his arms over his chest and tried to look like he wasn’t about to hoodwink his way out of.. “Bedtime”. Eugh. “You know I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to, I’m not tired whatsoev-”

A bottle of red gummies was slammed into the coffee table in front of him, causing him to flinch back and go silent. “..you were saying?” His twin gave an unimpressed look. 

“Is that melatonin?” Asked Ford, clearly reading the “melatonin” label and knowing damn well it was melatonin. “In- In gummy form, nonetheless?” Being the pragmatic problem-solver he was, he’d already developed a plan. Stall for as long as possible. “Hey, wait– how long have you had those?”

As Stan opened the bottle and shook two gummies out, he realized it might be a little late to just rant about neurochemicals until he got bored and left. “Eat,” he ordered curtly and dumped them into his hand. “They’re pretty good, honestly.”

“You didn’t answer my-”

“Stop stalling.”

Ford let out a similar groan to those of Dipper and Mabel after being told to go to bed, then shoved the gummies into his mouth.

Hm. They weren’t bad.. Strawberry with a hint of some kind of chemical. Spicy in a weird way, but it was better than you’d expect a medication to taste.

“You know, I normally get my sugar-right-before-bed fix in via jellybeans,” he commented. Popping gummies just to sleep at night. Gummies. He couldn’t believe this. 

Stan wasn’t impressed, brows lowered and a hand on his hip. “Sugar in something that’s supposed to put you to sleep would be stupid.” He closed up the bottle and shook it. “These don’t have sugar. Anyway, yeah, go to sleep.”

Ford let out a soft sigh as Stan ruffled his hair, blinked up at him a couple of times when he pulled his hand away, then watched as he undid the brace around his ankle (Dipper must have informed him that he wasn’t supposed to wear it in his sleep) and walked out of the room. He reached back in to turn off the light and called, “night, Ford.” 

“..Goodnight, Stanley,” he murmured in response and turned over to go to sleep, figuring he had no other choice.

[ashprince-of-bel-air]

Reading by firelight.

AN: a short Gale oneshot, I typed this on mobile so please forgive any errors or formatting.

Summary: Gale watches Tav read by the fire.

The sun was setting softly over the camp, casting a warm orange glow over the horizon. This had always been Gales favourite time of the day. The cool afternoon breeze sweeping through the camp as he again started to prepare supper over the campfire. It wasn't the silence that he enjoyed, as the rest of his campmates retired to their tents for a while, to rest their battle weary bodies, it was the fact he could watch Tav. Their afternoon ritual of sitting by the campfire after battle, engrossed in a large tome left him utterly speechless. The way the light from the fire flickered against their soft skin, still a little grimy from the days adventure, causing shadows to dance over their visage was like a drug to him; more often than not he had to remind himself to focus on making sure the stew in the pot didn't over boil or burn. He never had a problem serving perfect meals when he first joined the delightfully weird selection of comrades he now had, but now the amount of spoiled food was becoming suspicious to the group as they all tried to create conspiracies surrounding this new phenomenon. The current favourite conspiracy coming from Astarion claiming "Maybe Gale is going senile in his old age, either that or the tadpole has helped itself to a few two many braincells". Wyll was ever the gentleman and always suggested that the days adventuring were getting harder, that it wasn't fair to put such undue pressure on him. Lae'zel would just tut at the rest of the camp and eat whatever was given to her, warriors were not afforded the constant luxury of exquisite food.

Gale would look longingly at Tav as they read, they were completely absorbed with their book every night so he wasn't scared of being caught, he'd imagine their long slender fingers stroking against his skin softly as he watched Tav gently stroke the pages of the book many a night, yearning to feel their delicate touch along his body and tangled in his hair, wanting to know what it would feel like for Tav to massage away his aches at the end of a long day or even relieve his frustrations.

Every night he would tell himself mentally "Come on Gale, go talk to them, you don't shut up any other time." He would try to gear himself up, he'd even thought of a good pick up line to use, yet in every scenario he thought up, it just didn't come out right, mentally cursing Astarion and his charm for raising the bar impossibly high; jealous of the way the pale elf could seemingly flirt and seduce with ease.

"Hey Tav, I'm an open book too... and you can read me any time you like." Gale shuddered at the thought of him actually trying to say that, in each made up scenario he always came across as awkward and stuttering, then Tav would look at him like he was a creep. Tonight, he told himself that he actually would talk to them, it didn't matter what it was about, hells he would talk about crop rotation or the rising 'wizarding insurance' prices in Waterdeep, he just needed to talk to them. He could talk to them out in the road but could never bring himself to speak when it was just him and Tav alone. For a man who had a propensity towards verbosity, he was always rendered speechless when alone with them.

Gale checked the cooking stew, making sure it was simmering and wouldn't over boil again, for what would be the 5th time in a fortnight. He ran his now clammy hands through his hair in the hopes to make himself more presentable, although, considering he hadn't had chance to change from his grubby blood stained robe, he didn't think Tav would be offended if his hair was a little messy. His mouth began to open and form words as he stepped towards you until Astarion burst out of his tent and called out.

"Mmm Darling." His voice as it's usual delicate purr. "Something smells delicious." Astarion takes a seat by Tav, their shoulders and knees touching in an overly friendly manner, his eyes flitting between their face and their neck."and I definitely don't mean the food." Astarions voice dropped into a lower more lustful purr as he admired Tav's long and slender neck.

Gale was stopped dead in his tracks by the interaction and stepped back towards the pot of stew, his head slumped down in disappointment, watching through a contemptuous gaze as Tav closed their book and began chatting energetically with Astarion. "It's always that damned vampire" Gale cursed to himself, wondering jokingly if he could find a pointy stick in the woods to acquainte Astarion with. He shook his head to clear away those thoughts, tonight was not his time, but maybe tomorrow it could be. "No, it would be." He told himself sternly. He promised himself that he would speak to Tav tomorrow. But for now, he would have the memory of their soft and slender hands to take back to his tent with him, it was always a welcome thought on these lonely nights, forever wishing he had more than his imagination.