#please read this i need someone to share my misery

[wispedvellichor]

fuck

FUCK YEAH

[yueebby]

Dying thinking about gojo literally pinning and hardcore simping for reader, literally showering reader in praise, flattery and gifts because he no longer gives a damn about hiding his feelings, almost proposing to reader whenever he can and reader's just... completely clueless about it💀 and she thinks it's just gojo being friendly. Poor man would be absolutely devastated when he goes one day "[name] i'm in love with you" and she just goes "me too, i love all my friends!" 💀

she loves me, she loves me not! — gojo satoru x fem!reader

contents. fluff, lovesick!gojo (what’s new), highschool!gojo, he’s pathetic but in love your honor, oblivious!reader, ooc gojo i got carried away soz

notes. anon, when i first read your ask i literally started giggling and kicking my feet. that. is. so. gojo coded.

“please reject gojo and put him out of his misery,” utahime implored, taking hold of both of your hands. you think she’s asking, no, begging you to. beside her, shoko nods vigorously. 

“but why?” you furrow your eyebrows, perplexed by their sudden request. “i can’t reject someone who doesn’t like me.”

shoko giggles at your comment. her laughter only wanes when she notices the dead serious look on your face. “... you seriously have no idea what we’re talking about?”

“not really,” you shrug, criss-crossing your legs to find some comfort on the hard wooden floor in shoko’s small dorm. it was late, past midnight, and the three of you had a shared mission tomorrow, but for some reason your two friends managed to rope you into their drinking circle.

utahime and shoko exchanged a significant glance, their unspoken communication raising your curiosity. utahime takes a long sip of her beer. 

“hopeless. they’re both hopeless,” your short haired brunette friend lamented, pinching her nose bridge. it leaves a faint pink mark.

intrigued, you lean in closer towards the two, “care to elaborate?”

“you’ve never once questioned satoru’s borderline inappropriate behavior?” shoko asks you earnestly. you ponder for a moment, trying to recall any moments in the two years you’ve known the snow-haired boy.

“satoru is satoru…” you mumble, shaking your head in denial. 

utahime’s eyes bug comically. she slams her can of beer harshly on the ground. you wince at the loud noise of the metallic can hitting the floor.

“you’re kidding. even i can see through that jerk!” utahime’s black pigtails sway wildly. 

“[name], how about what happened in shinjuku last week on our day off?” shoko quietly reminds you of last weekend when the two of you along with satoru and suguru decided to empty your pockets in one of tokyo’s largest entertainment wards. 

utahime’s head whips back and forth from her best friend to you, “eh? what happened?!”

from behind the dressing room curtain, you voiced your concerns, “shoko, i don't think we can afford designer clothes on our student budget.” the cream-colored silk dress you wore clung to your body, its price tag undoubtedly surpassing a year's worth of your student earnings.

“don’t worry your pretty little head about it,” shoko’s voice carried a knowing smile. “just come out and show me the dress!” you think satoru’s carefree attitude is rubbing off on her.

with a nervous sigh, you emerged from the dressing room. the dress fit like a glove, accentuating your body in just the right places.

bright flashes from shoko's phone startled you, and she chuckled deviously while rapidly typing. she tossed her phone onto a luxurious cushion, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of exposure.

“you look so sexy. even better than the model.” she gives you two thumbs up, eyes roaming your figure. you feel flushed at her praise.

“as flattered as i am, there’s no way i can afford this,” you look down at the dress, lips downturned. “i’d be in debt for life.”

“no need to worry,” shoko winked, leaving you confused. given that her income was similar to yours, it didn't make sense for her to be able to even dream of shopping designer.

a soft thud interrupted your conversation. you turn around to see a blue lollipop rolling on the expensive carpeting of the store.

“suguru, are my eyes deceiving me or is that an angel?”  satoru's mouth is wide open as he shamelessly checks you out. he takes one of his hands and places it over his heart, gripping the fabric of his white shirt. the windbreaker he is wearing rustles at his dramatic movement.

“i think… i’m experiencing a heart attack! shoko help!” he kneels in the middle of the store dramatically. shoko shares an unamused look with suguru. the pair nod before simultaneously kicking satoru.

during all of the commotion, you stand awkwardly in the million yen dress. 

“satoru, are you okay?” you watch him take the two blows from your friends, concern evident in your voice. he grunts softly before gently taking ahold of your hand.

“no,” he croaks with a playful glint in his eye. “i’m wounded and there’s only one way to fix it.”

you look at him, your gaze heavy with concern.

“i’m afraid you’ll have to kiss me for the pain to go away.” he added, blinking at you expectantly with his blue eyes.

 you lightly shove him away from you. “you’re an idiot.” satoru laughs loudly.

“that’s what love does to a man.”

“yeah, yeah. i’m going to change out of this dress, don’t get into any more trouble while i’m gone.” 

 satoru’s grip on your hand strengthens, halting your actions.

“how much?”

“excuse me?”

“the dress. how much for it?” he stands up to his full height, reminding you of the obvious height difference between the two of you. 

you're at loss for words. gojo was crazy, but definitely not crazy enough to spend a million yen on a silly dress.

shoko happily chimes into the conversation. “one million yen. it’ll be two million yen with the rest of my purchases though!” 

suguru’s calm demeanor is replaced with shock. the black haired male’s jaw drops, “two million– satoru, you’re seriously not thinking about–”

“hah? who said i’m paying for your stuff?” gojo makes an ugly face at shoko.

she raises her hands innocently, “it’s not my fault the dresses come in a set. if you want to see your beloved [name] in that dress you’ll have to pay for mine as well.”

you watch shoko and satoru engage into a silent argument. the tension in the fitting room section is so thick, you think it’ll take a special grade weapon to slice through it.

trying to alleviate the mood you tell gojo, “satoru, you really don’t have to–”

“i’m buying you that dress.” 

“o-okay.” 

half an hour later, satoru happily strolls out of the store with an arm around your shoulder like he’d just won the lottery.

perhaps gojo is just naturally flirty, you had tried to reason to shoko and utahime.

it’s been a week since the eye-opening conversation with the two and you’ve found yourself on cleaning duty with said snow-haired boy. it was a miracle that satoru even showed up. he had a tendency to skip his turns, often resulting in a long lecture from yaga.

as the two of you worked silently in the empty classroom, you couldn't help but admire the setting sun. its golden rays painted the sky with hues of pink and orange, casting a warm glow over everything. unknowingly, while you gazed at the sky, gojo's gaze was firmly fixed on you.

breaking the silence, he asked, "have you ever thought about getting married?"

his question caught you off guard, causing you to momentarily pause from wiping the windows.

“not really,” you replied, biting your lip gently. “unless my family decides to arrange a marriage. you know how unforgiving the world of jujutsu sorcery is.”

gojo's grip on the broom tightened, his eyes locking onto yours with a newfound intensity.

"we should get married y'know," he blurted out.

the piece of cloth you were using slipped from your hand in shock. surely, he couldn't mean what he was saying. after all, the two of you were only second years.

“what?”

“i’m saying i think i’m in love with you.”

“oh.” 

silence engulfs the room once more before a soft giggle escapes your lips.

satoru can only watch, entranced.

“that’s good to hear! i love you too– and suguru and shoko! perhaps the four of us should all just get married.” you chuckle into your hand.

satoru can't help but stare at your hand in envy. perhaps if he were the palm of your hand, he’d be able to feel the touch of your lips.

but he couldn’t. he was cursed as a man with an overpowered innate technique, and despite it all he couldn’t even gain the one thing he desired. gojo satoru watched you, eyes filled with a mixture of longing and defeat.

his devastation does not go unnoticed by you.

you were under the impression that he was grumpy because yaga had forced him into cleaning with you.

"cheer up, satoru! if we finish early enough," you continue, your tone highspirited, "we can go to the new crepe shop that opened last week. my treat!" you winked, and that immediately caught his attention.

“like a date?” his eyes sparkled with hope.

you shrug, a smile on your face. “i suppose if you look at it from a certain perspective…”

“great, it’s a date!” 

good things come to those who wait, satoru thinks, humming happily as he starts to sweep the room at an inhumane pace.

maybe in ten years time the two of you will be happily married with eight kids, he smiles to himself.

[kaliforniahigh]

https://www.tumblr.com/kaliforniahigh/756103606724378624/nsfw-under-the-cut-read-at-your-own-risk-so-i?source=share

What a tease 🥵

I'm gonna need a short story about each version of Noah. Please? 🥹

We can start with type number one, shall we? Moustache!Noah and PussyMaster!Noah below!!!

Warnings: smoking pot (I know he doesn't smoke anymore), smut, they talk about sex, spit kink.

Not proofread!

He asks you to come over for the night, tells you to pack an overnight bag and that he would be picking you up in an hour. After that, he takes you to a weed dispensary so you can choose whatever you're going to be smoking for the night.

You always found these nights with Noah to be incredibly fun and insightful. You guys talked about whatever, watched some anime or a movie and ordered his preferred take out. It was always like this, you pick the weed, he picks the food.

These past couple of weeks though, you've felt a shift in your dynamic. You found yourselves talking about more personal and intimate matters. Like how you liked things and past flings and relationships. Like right now, you were sitting on his couch, passing a blunt back and forth.

"I don't think I could ever call a man daddy in bed, honestly", you said as you took a puff and passed it to him.

"I'm glad you said that, because one time a girl called me daddy and I swear my dick stopped working for a minute"

"Well, what did you do? Did you tell her? I feel like she would've noticed that you didn't like it though", you wondered, you could feel the second-hand embarrassment for this girl you didn't even know.

"No, I didn't tell her, but I could tell she noticed by the way she never texted me after that time", you covered your face and laughed at this, leaning your head on the back of the couch. "Yeah, laugh it up at my misery. You gonna tell me something like this never happened to you?"

"I mean, yeah, but I rather laugh at you than at me", he lightly slapped your arm but laughed along with you, "c'mon, you're hogging the blunt, don't be one of those people"

"I will pass it to you if you tell me one of your embarrassing stories", he looked at you with a side eye, but you relented.

"Ok, so one time there was this guy who though he was really good at, you know", you made a general motion to your crotch area, but he gave you a questioning look.

"No, I don't know, you'll have to be more specific", you groaned, suddenly feeling shy about this.

"He thought he was really good at eating pussy"

"Ooooh, I see. I like where this is going", he said with a teasing tone.

"Yeah, I bet you do. Anyway, he thought he was really good, but his tongue was just so stiff and his fingers kept missing my clit. So after ten minutes of this I had to fake an orgasm to pull him out of his misery. Thing is, the moan I let out was totally fake I felt like it was so obvious", this time was his turn to laugh, finally passing the blunt to you.

"I mean, the man coudn't make you cum, I feel like he deserved it". he said, matter-of-factly "if it was up to me, no woman would ever fake an orgasm in her life"

"Oh, ok, pussy master, don't tell me you made every woman you've ever been with cum with just your mouth and fingers", maybe it was because you always had subpar experiences with guys, but you felt like this was a far-fetched ideia. No one is ever this good at eating pussy.

He laughed at the nickname, but replied "I never had complaints, besides, I'm pretty sure I was born for this, it's pretty much a talent"

"Well, then I need to find someone with this kind of talent", he sensed the resignation on your voice, and he couldn't help the words that fell out of his mouth next.

"Well, I'm right here. Wouldn't exactly have to look", you looked at him with suspicion, but he looked at you with a stare that told you he was sure about this, you just had to tell him you want it too.

"Ok, let's say we were to do this, how would we even began?", he asked for the blunt that was on your hands and put it out on the ashtray beside him.

"You can start by getting on my lap", he followed his words with a spread of his legs, you complied and asked "what next?"

He grabbed the back of your head, pressing your foreheads together. "You're sure about this? You're not going along just because I suggested it, right?", he could tell he was sincere, and if you weren't already turned on just by sitting on his lap, this would've done the trick.

"Oh, no, I really wanna find out more about this talent of yours", as soon as you said this, his lips were on yours, it started chaste but it soon turned heated, his tongue slipping into your mouth and devouring you.

One of his hands started to make their way over your body, along the valley of your breasts, down your stomach, finally settling on the place you wanted him the most.

He started with gentle movements, circling you over your sweatpants. You separated your mouths just to let out a silent moan, your mouth forming an "O" shape. You could feel him staring at you intensely.

After a few minutes of this, you started to move your hips, urging him to pick up his pace. It was then that he grabbed you by the waist, laying you down on the couch and removing your pants and underwear in a hurry.

You didn't have to ask him to do anything, didn't have to tell him where to put his mouth or how fast or slow you wanted it. He seemed to now just how you liked it. You could hear the sounds of his mouth on you, an indicator of how wet you were.

That is why it took you by surprise when he replaced his mouth with his fingers, and from a distance, you saw a string of spit, coming out of his mouth and landing right on your pussy, you eyes locking with his, he gave a lopsided smirk, obviously knowing the affect he had on you. The sight alone made you moan out loud, your pleasure intensifying by a thousand.

He kept working his fingers, mixing his spit with your arousal. He could tell you were close as he put his mouth back on you. Not long after, you felt the dam break, pleasure and relief wasing over you as your thighs shook and you couldn't contain the sound spilling from your mouth.

He didn't stop until you physically pushed his head away, moving up your body, he grabbed your chin with one of his hands, "open your mouth, baby girl", you did as you were told, putting your tongue out to catch the string of saliva leaving his lips. You could taste him and yourself together and that turned you right back on.

"So, what is your feedback?", he asked you, already knowing your answer, by the smug look on his face.

"I'm gonna put together a pussy master certificate for you", you joked, patting him on the back. He let out an amused laugh, but laid with you on the couch, lazily stroking your hair as you caught your breath.

oof!!!! is it hot in here or is it just me???

would you guys be interested in Noah type one and two? (if you don't know I'm referring to this post)

Dividers: @cafekitsune

[daydreaming-in-letters]

I don’t have a picture specifically but it is my birthday today! Can you write something with Andrew surprising you when you thought he’d be on tour somewhere else and wouldn’t be able to make it for your birthday? Can start out fluffy but then turn into smut please :)

Well, let me present you with a picture then... (He is on his way.)

Happy Belated Birthday, love. (It seems we share that special day. 😉) I hope you don't mind I kept it fluffy this time. I'm having a mild fever and I couldn't handle more heat than I am already battling with.

warnings: language; a little heartache

 Only fifteen minutes left. Thank god, you thought. You could not wait for this day to be over.

It was your birthday today. And you loved your birthday. But birthdays without Andrew sucked. It did not even feel like a real birthday, much less like a day you wanted to celebrate. And so you had not. 

You had told your friends and family that you would be busy at work all day and that after that, you definitely would not be in the mood for company. And astonishingly, they had all accepted your excuse and taken to calling or texting you instead of coming round to congratulate you in person. 

All the better, you thought, as you prepared to go to bed. Disposing of your empty glass in the sink, you walked over to the open window. The world outside lay in complete silence, slowed by the darkness of night that had settled a while ago. It was time to let go of the day and rest. 

But how could you let go? How could you find peace when a part of you was missing, leaving a void in your chest that seemed to grow bigger with every passing second, like a black hole that swallowed all the goodness you should have felt on a day like this?

You sighed. This was unfair. You knew it was. It was unfair to you as much as it was unfair to him. If there would even be the slightest chance, the tiniest possibility, he would be here with you right now, no doubt. And still you felt like crying.

He had called you, first thing in the morning and you had talked for a long while. He had reserved some extra time for you, more than he usually could, and still you missed him. So much. More than you had ever thought it possible to miss someone. In some moments, the worst of them, when you just could not hold up your walls anymore, it hurt. It hurt to a point that you needed to lie down and roll up into a bundle of misery, and all you could do was just stay like that until the pain had faded. 

Afterwards you always felt a little stupid for being so whiny. He would be back with you soon enough, no time to act like a clingy puppy. But most importantly, he could never know. It would break his heart. And one broken heart was bad enough already. 

You jolted as your ears picked up the harsh buzzing of your phone on the living room table. Probably another message of birthday wishes, you assumed, as you walked over to pick it up. But as soon as you read the name on the screen your heart jumped a little. It was his goodnight text. He sent you one every night. 

Told the moon to hold all my love. So don’t be surprised if it shines a little brighter tonight. Just for you.

Well, someone had clearly been listening to an awful lot of Mitski lately, you thought, and chuckled to yourself. But only one glance outside was enough to make your heart drop, opening the vaults, and letting your eyes spill over. The moon was nowhere to be seen. 

If only he were—

But you did not get to end that thought as the clock made you jump again, telling you it was midnight. Your birthday finally over. 

The wave of relief that washed over you made you sigh through the tears. Time to go to bed at last. With two harsh strokes of the back of your hand, the visible remains of your heartache were gone and you were just about to switch off the lights, when an unexpected noise startled you for the third time tonight. 

Had that been a knock on your door? At this time? It could not be. You had probably misheard. Still you chose to stay for a moment and wait, and it did not take long before it came again. Loud and clear this time. 

This was impossible. Insufferable. Had you not been absolutely clear about not wanting any company today? Well, obviously not. But you would correct that mistake right away.

“I told you I didn’t want to see anyone. Go away!”

But instead of some well-earned silence, there was another knock. 

“For fuck’s sake, can’t you just leave me alone?”

Obviously they could not. Just as they most likely could not read the atmosphere to understand when it was time to leave. And when they even showed the audacity to knock yet again, you felt like you had no other choice. With a huff of pure rage you stomped over to the door, let your hand smash down on the knob and yanked it open. May god have mercy on the poor soul that was waiting outside.

There had been so many words on your mind, all the curses and swearwords your vocabulary had to offer, but as soon as your eyes landed upon the intruder that stood in your doorway, you could not remember even the simplest one of them all. 

“I just wanted to make sure the moon is shining perfectly for you."

This was not real. It could not be. You had probably fallen asleep and your desperate mind had chosen to give you exactly what you needed, what you had been craving ever since he had left through that exact same door, looking back at you from a pair of watery green eyes. But it seemed you were not granted this little treat for long as tears began to blur your vision once again. 

“The moon is not even shining tonight,” you managed to pipe up, your voice breaking halfway through your statement, making it sound awfully shrill.

“So, it’s a good thing I came then. Because how else would you have know how much I love you?”

A loud, clattering noise echoed through the night as his bag fell to the ground. It had taken him less than a heartbeat to decide whether to hold on to it or hold you instead, and as his arms closed around you now, the familiar warmth of his body pressed against yours, back where he belonged, for the first time in months your heart seemed to remember its natural rhythm again. 

“Sorry I’m late, baby.”

You hugged him a little tighter, basking in the way his breath slowly crept along your neck as he spoke, the way even one word from his mouth was enough to silence the white noise in your brain and let you breathe again.

“It would be so out of character if you weren’t.”

You chuckled, and so did he. 

“Happy Birthday, my love.”

[albertasunrise]

Hope You Can Forgive Me - Hope

Masterlist

GIF by olisgifs

Summary: After Joel loses his wife and your best friend during childbirth. You support him as he takes on parenthood on his own at 22. But when feelings start to develop, you battle with the guilt you feel for falling for your best friend’s husband.

Relationships: Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: Like AO3 I choose to give none. Read at own risk. 18+… this is to avoid spoilers! (So here is my first fic update since having Lando! I hope this was worth the wait and I can't wait to hear what you all think. There is some time hopping in this chapter but it's all necessary. Enjoy ♥️)

Series Masterlist - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

The words hung in the air between you. Swirling around in his head as he processed that he was sitting at a table with you after all this time. That you were smiling softly at him, not growling at him in frustration because he’d gotten on your nerves for the final time. 

“Tommy told me that you ended up going back to the hospital after you left that day and I-“

“You mean the day you tossed me out?” He interrupted, surprised by how he suddenly felt 10 years of anger surge to the surface. 

“Joel I-“

“I don’t need your sorries.” He stated plainly and you nodded numbly “What I needed then was for you to see how badly I was doing but you couldn’t.” 

He couldn’t say he blamed you really. You were facing life with a partner who was never going to walk again whilst you had to raise his toddler and the newborn baby you shared. 

‘Dwelling on the past isn’t going to change it so let's just agree to move on.” He piped up after a tense pause and he could have laughed at how your shoulders dropped and you allowed yourself to relax. 

You both sat in awkward silence for a while before Joel finally broke it. His question brought a proud smile to your face. 

“Noah’s turned out to be a fine young man.” He stated as he took a sip of his coffee “Sarah’s besotted with him.”

“He’s just like his father.” You gushed “Patient and kind.” You continued as you looked down at the wedding band and engagement ring that you still wore “He’d never said a cross word to me till recently. Learning that he and Sarah had been inseparable as babies was tough on him.

“He pleaded with me to reach out to you but I confess… I didn’t think you’d want to speak to me after everything.” 

“I never stopped caring.” Joel stated honestly “I have spent the last decade blaming myself for that crash… it should have been me that-“

“Please don’t finish that sentence.” You pleaded as you stared at him with round, tear-filled, eyes “The accident was not your fault! The truck driver is the one to blame for what happened and it was wrong of me to blame you.” You let out a long sigh before taking a large sip of coffee before continuing “I was pregnant and hormonal and facing having to care long-term for my partner as well as raise a toddler and a newborn.

“Life looked bleak and I just needed someone to blame… but I shouldn’t have blamed you.” You choked out, voice wobbling as you spoke that last statement. 

Joel remained silent. Watching you as you pulled yourself together before continuing. 

“I should have seen that you weren’t well, you're right.” You started again after a few tense moments of silence “After Tommy told me what happened… my mind started to replay everything and it was so obvious that something was wrong. I should have seen it… not shut you out so I could wallow in my own misery.” 

“I get it… I do-“ 

“But it doesn’t excuse it, Joel.” You interrupted “I should have done better by you and I’m sorry.” 

Joel nodded. Giving you a small smile before downing the last dregs of his coffee. 

“Well… now that all the tense formalities are out of the way�� shall we get another coffee and catch up properly?” He asked with a grin, instantly lifting the mood. 

“That would be wonderful.” 

2 months later…

Joel watched from the patio as Noah and Sarah played a heated game of swing ball, Ali watching from the sidelines as she cheered her brother on. Tommy was at the grill, having promised Joel that he could ‘cook some damn burgers’, leaving the older Miller to watch the two childhood sweethearts play. Memories of a little Noah showing an even smaller Sarah how to throw a ball flashed in his mind. They had always played so well together. 

Some things never change it seemed. 

Joel’s attention was torn away from Sarah and her beau and towards you, as you placed the salad and condiments in the centre of the table. 

“Foods up!” Called Tommy and soon the table was filled with chatter as everyone dug in. 

It felt like old times. Only, someone was missing. 

Once the food was consumed and the dishes dealt with, Sarah, Ali and Noah slunk away to read their books under the tree at the bottom of Joel's garden, leaving you, Joel and Tommy to sip at your cold beers and catch up. 

"How's things been with you?" Tommy asked you as he turned to face you. It was something that you had always liked about Tommy. When he was talking to you he gave you his undivided attention and never butted in when you spoke. Something that Alec and his family had always done that had driven you to distraction... But never the Miller boys. They always listened to what you had to say. 

"Yeah, they're good." You nodded as you replied and placed your bottle on the table "Starting to meld well with the nice team. Making some friends too which is nice." 

"Any hot men in the office catch your eye?" 

Tommy's question took you by surprise and you couldn't help but glance at Joel a moment before you answered. He was looking anywhere but you and Tommy as they both awaited your answer and you felt a small pang of hope fill you. Why, you weren't sure. 

"Not really looking for anything at the moment." You said, shrugging your shoulders "Been so focused on work and the kids the last few months that I haven't really thought about what comes next." 

Your eyes drifted to Noah and Ali who were talking animatedly about, you assumed, something that had happened in the books they were holding. Both had ended up bookworms like their dad, something you were glad of as they had grown up. Buying them books to distract them from the reality of how sick Alec had been. 

"Plus Alec hasn't been gone long. Would be wrong for me to just move on." 

"You're entitled to be happy." Tommy stated plainly as he gave you that signature Miller look "He would want you to live life to the fullest. Lord knows you've earned that." 

"I guess." You shrugged. 

Truth be told, since coming back into the Miller's lives your feelings for Joel had started to stir again. He had turned out to be an incredible father, not that you had doubted him for a second but he had been forced to take on parenthood completely on his own when you had left. Ali's parents had died a few years after the accident leaving Joel with just Tommy for family but he had been in the army. So he had to take it all on by himself and he had flourished. Sarah was a kind, polite and caring young girl and the spitting image of her mother. Something that had made you both happy and sad. Happy, that she had turned out so beautiful, but sad because there wasn't a day that went by that you didn't miss Ali. So much so that you had named your own daughter after her. 

"How about you brother?" Tommy asked, taking the attention off of you "How's things been with that chick you're dating?" 

"We've been on like two dates Tommy." Joel sighed but his brother shrugged. 

'Still dating her." He chuckled as he took a long pull of his beer "Given her the Miller magic yet?" Joel choked on his beer as the words settled between you and your stomach sank.

He was dating? 

Of course, he was dating. He was an attractive young man, why wouldn't he? Yet this information felt like a punch to the gut. You knew you had no right to feel this way about Joel seeing someone yet it was a fight to keep the tears at bay. You would later realise as you analysed your feelings over a large glass of wine at home that a small part of you had always held onto the hope that one day, you and Joel may have had your chance. 

That after all these years, he would realise how you felt and would return those feelings. You would later realise that that was a fool's hope. 

You had broken things beyond repair with Joel all those years ago. 

There was no hope for the two of you now. There was no way he felt the same way about you. 

Oh if only you knew. 

You had found yourself quickly falling into old traditions with the Millers. Regular gatherings at Joels where food and laughter are shared only this time Noah and Sarah weren't babies anymore. You found yourself missing their antics. Howthey used to hide behind the wooden castle climbing frame that Joel had built Sarah before she'd even made her entrance to the world. They would crouch behind it and giggle, thinking no one knew they were there and you would all chuckle at them and how perfect together they were. Even from such a young age. 

You had found yourself wondering if Joel had ever thought about having more kids. He was still young after all, having had Sarah in his early twenties same as you had had Ali so young yourself. You had definitely thought that there would have been more children in your future but Alec's health hadn't allowed for that and so that dream of another baby had died along with him. 

When Sandy had stepped into the fold, you had had your question of whether Joel wanted more kids answered from the moment she'd opened her mouth at the annual pre-Christmas get-together. She was young, late twenties and perky. Both physically and personality-wise.

She had sat there for hours talking about how she had no interest in having kids. That she liked them but that it had never appealed to her personally. You had asked Joel if he had thought about having any more to which he'd replied "Nah, one and done for me." 

It had shocked you how blasé he had been about the subject and it had stung you. Why, you weren't sure but you supposed its because you had secretly hoped you'd have one with him one day. 

Now though, that pipedream seemed an impossibility that Sandy was in the picture. You hated her for it...

You knew you had no reason to. She was sweet. There didn't appear to be a bad bone in her body but she grated on your nerves with her big eyes and sickly sweet smiles. 

Your feelings for Joel may have had some bearing on your opinion of her you supposed. 

Those pesky feelings had only continued to grow the more time you spent with Joel. You and he would alternate some nights during the week for dinners or movie nights. Ali and Sarah had become fast friends, something you had worried would irritate Noah now that his relationship with Sarah seemed to have developed a third wheel but on the contrary, he seemed to welcome her. 

They still managed to find time to spend together without his sister hanging around but he didn't begrudge her presence when she was there. He'd always been a great big brother to her. 

But now it seemed that you had become the third wheel in Joel's relationship with Sandy. These once peaceful evenings had been overtaken by her loud personality but Joel seemed to lap it up, completely oblivious to how you were starting to pull away. Unable to watch them be so sickeningly happy. 

It all came to a head three months later. Unable to keep up the fake smiles any longer. 

"So, I found a new taco recipe I want to try for Taco Tuesday this week." Joel stated as he dried the last dish and placed it on the drying rack beside the sink "Churizo with fried potatoes, avocados, onions and Cilantro... Read it in a magazine this week and I knew I had to try it."

"Sounds good." You answered numbly as you picked up the last few dried plates and cutlery to put away "I'm sure the kids will love it." 

"You okay?" Joel asked upon sensing your tone. 

"Mhmm." You knew your reply wasn't fooling anyone. 

"Okay, what's up?" He asked, letting out a sigh as he turned his whole body to face you, rested his hip against the counter and crossed his arms, accentuating his strong arms and broad shoulders. 

"Nothing it's just... I won't be able to make Taco Tuesday this week. Or movie night on Thursday." You replied, not looking at him as you spoke. 

"Okay, I'll save that recipe for next week then." 

"I can't go next week either." You replied bluntly and his brows furrowed as he looked across at you.

"Why not?" 

"I'm going to be busy the next few weeks is all." 

"Few weeks?" He questioned and you simply nodded. 

"Yeah."

"Care to look at me whilst you lie to me?" He growled and you let out a long sigh before returning his gaze. 

"I'm not lying to you, Joel." You growled "I have a lot going on with work so I won't be able to make our usual arrangements for a month or so.

"But the kids-" 

"Can do all that shit without me." You replied, more snappy than you'd meant to. 

"That shit?" Joel pushed, his tone sounding a little wounded "Is something going on? Did I do something?" 

"No." You replied as you sighed loudly "You haven't done anything wrong."

It wasn't exactly a lie. His dating Sandy wasn't wrong. It just hurt you to watch. 

Joel didn't push but he knew you weren't being honest with him. You had always been easy to read, wearing your heart on your sleeve for the world to see but he didn't understand why you were suddenly going cold on him. Things had fallen back into place so easily. He thought things were good. He didn't push it any further. 

"You're still coming to the cook out week after next though right?" He asked and your heart broke at how hopeful he seemed. 

"Yeah, I'll be there." You lied, hoping he would believe you and would drop it. 

He seemed to buy it because his shoulders relaxed and he gave you a small smile. You smiled back but your stomach twisted painfully. You had two weeks to come up with a decent lie for why you couldn't make it. You knew it had to be believable or Joel would be around yours banging on your door and you knew you'd not be able to lie to him if that were to happen. 

You left with Noah that evening barely gracing Joel or Sarah with a goodbye and it was from that that he knew something serious was up. Just didn't know how to find out. 

...

Sandy had arrived a little after you had left. Cuddling on the couch, she instantly picked up on Joel's distracted state and didn't wait to question him on it. So he told her about how weird you had been that evening. How you'd suddenly become cold and closed off. 

"I don't know what I've done." Joel sighed "She was just so off this evening and then she's suddenly telling me that she's going to be busy for the foreseeable and I just... I don't get it."

"Oh Joel, baby, you're such a typical bloke." Sandy chuckled sympathetically as she turned her top half to look at him "She's obviously got feelings for you." 

"She doesn't have feelings for me." Joel scoffed "Don't be absurd." 

"Why else would she suddenly stop hanging out with her friend the moment he meets someone?" 

"I-" 

"I've had my suspicions for a while but the last few times we've hung out it's been pretty clear that she's got feelings for you Joel." 

"But she..." 

"Would you like it if you had a crush on someone and their new beau was there all the time?" She asked and Joel sighed "I am happy to back off a little if you want to spend more time with her but I don't think she'll want to." 

"She can't have feelings for me." He muttered and Sandy chuckled as she watched his mind whir. 

"Perhaps you should go see her and find out." Sandy shrugged, smiling sweetly at Joel as he looked up at her "Give her some closure." 

Joel parked across from your house before wiping his clammy hands on his jeans and willing his heart to slow. It had been a few days since that conversation with Sandy and what she'd told him played on repeat in his head. Did you really have feelings for him? He had never dared hope that maybe one day you would feel the same way he did. 

He had been practising what he wanted to ask you all evening. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to do if it transpired that you did feel the same. He supposed he would cross that bridge when he came to it. 

Tommy had agreed to watch Sarah for the evening so that he could come to speak to you. He wasn't sure how this was going to go but he had wanted the option to stay a little later if things went the way he hoped they might. 

Finally, as he had willed his heart to slow, your door swung open and grabbed his attention. He watched as you stepped outside slightly, looking at someone who was out of Joel's eyeline. You were smiling at them as you spoke, words that he could not hear from the cab of his car but you seemed to smile shyly at whoever you spoke them to. He hoped that youwouldn't notice his truck parked across the street as he watched you from the shadows. His stomach twisted when a man he didn't recognise stepped into view and leaned closer so he could place a kiss on your lips. 

A myriad of emotions flooded him at once. He felt a pang of despair fill him as he watched you say your farewells for this man, but it quickly morphed into anger as he watched the man get in his car and drive off. 

You hadn't bailed on him because you have feelings for him. You bailed because you wanted to focus on your new boy toy. You'd rather spend time with someone you barely know over him and his family. You had other priorities now. 

And Joel wasn't one of them. 

Next For updates follow @albertasunrise-ficsblog

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 407: Wait Why Are You Running Away

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan figured out how to control his quirk upgrade and was totally chill and normal about it. Definitely not terrifying at all. He actually spent the entire chapter smiling and laughing like the wholesome little boy he is. I don’t know why Kid For One is so freaked out about it. He even politely introduced himself using his childhood nickname. Clearly he just wants to be friends with you, KFO!

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “sorry to keep you waiting, here’s the AFO and Yoichi flashback you ordered at long last” and proceeds to serve a nightmarish stew of HUMAN MISERY and RATS and STABBING and CARNAGE and SO MUCH MURDER and THE SINGLE MOST FUCKED-UP CASE OF CODEPENDENCY ANYONE HAS EVER WRITTEN. I was not even remotely prepared for any of this, and if anyone else claims that they were, I will call you a liar to your face. If this chapter had a mouth it would scream. Or just sob, ceaselessly and uncontrollably. I’m really glad Horikoshi is on break next week because that man needs to take a fucking nap. My god.

okay WOW

anyone else read the first two words and just immediately say to themselves, “oh okay, so it’s gonna be one of those chapters”? I mean, I guess we were due for a darker chapter after last week’s Kacchan Comedy Tour. but idk, I just wasn’t expecting “homeless sick prostitute with a drinking problem” levels of dark

AND SHE’S PREGNANT?!

what exactly is this manga rated again? doesn’t this backstory seem just a little bit raw for the impressionable kiddos??

has anyone actually checked in on Horikoshi recently? you know, just to make sure he is okay??

what a fun and wholesome manga this is

the lil baby arm covered in blood with the AFO hole on the palm. lying next to the dead mom hand. what an image to sear into our minds. I guess it’s been a while since he killed any dogs. gotta keep us on our toes somehow

also wasn’t expecting AFO and Yoichi to be twins! that puts an interesting spin on their relationship, because it’s usually a closer bond than even regular siblings. especially with all of that delightful shared trauma from a young age!!

yes, exactly

ohhhh this chapter is gonna hurt me, isn’t it. okay. ooooooookay. let’s do this

OH I’M SORRY, THERE’S MORE?!

Horikoshi my dude. you do realize that their mom dying in childbirth and the two of them just barely surviving and growing up as street orphans would have already been MORE than tragic enough, backstory-wise. you did not have to turn this into a freaking horror show with RATS TRYING TO EAT THEIR NEWBORN SELVES jesus christ

and THAT’S where you chose to put a one year timeskip?!

what the fuck am I reading here, you guys. no please tell me, I am actually desperate to understand

so the narrator is saying that some of the quirks manifested later in life, in “pubescent and pre-pubescent stages”, which is interesting because it’s the first time I can recall hearing about someone actually manifesting a quirk that late. maybe Deku’s old OFA cover story was more plausible than I realized

anyway so eventually it occurred to everyone that they should maybe freaking study this shit, idk. and eventually the researchers concluded that the superpowers came from a new gene that apparently isn’t human. and upon hearing that, society apparently lost its freaking mind. which is fascinating to me because it implies that the turning point wasn’t actually the superpowers themselves, but the realization of what it meant

like, so they were apparently fine with it when they thought it was a “mysterious disease”, but somehow it hit different when they learned it wasn’t actually a sickness at all, but instead the Next Step in Evolution. and it became an “us vs them” thing, as opposed to a “we have to cure these poor people” thing. damn

anyway so now Japan is a dystopia and we’re cutting to a big crowd of merc-looking dudes who are getting ready to attack some “meta freaks”, how lovely

but who is this figure in the shadows

I ask politely, as if it wasn’t already beyond obvious that this is AFO about to wreck some people’s shit

ohhhhh my god lmao

hopefully Katsuki and Deku can take the present day AFO out before he winds up looking like this. because this little fella is clearly demonic and idk if anyone can stop him

you all don’t understand. you need to run the fuck away right now

oh shit it’s already too late for them

it’s too late for any of us. it’s over. it’s all fucking over

((((；゜Д゜)))

AFO I am putting the manga down. I am backing away slowly with my hands in the air. I mean you no harm. please for the love of god have mercy

holy

“you see, we told you he wasn’t human” okay Scientific Research Group, you know what?? you win this round I guess

“HE WAS LITERALLY EVIL FROM BIRTH” HORIKOSHI SERIOUSLY ARE YOU OKAY??

HE WAS BORN AN ARROGANT BABY is literally the most terrifying sentence I have ever read

what the entire fuck

it’s a gorgeous sunny mid-November afternoon outside my window. but no matter how hard it tries, the light cannot reach this place

what kind of moron would throw a can of soda at him. officially the stupidest person we have ever seen in this manga

OH MY GOD OF COURSE IT’S HIM LMAO

(ETA: how come baby Yoichi has clothes that fit him perfectly but baby AFO is just stomping around wearing a tablecloth.)

BABY YOICHI. OH MY GOD. HOW THE HELL DID YOU GROW UP TO BE SANE AND KIND AND GOOD. THAT’S MY QUESTION THAT I NEED ANSWERED RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE LITERALLY A MIRACLE. YOU ARE AN IMPOSSIBILITY, DO YOU KNOW THAT

small and weak, but also so, so cute. all of the cuteness genes went straight to him. no wonder AFO was jealous

(ETA: just want to press pause for a second to speculate about what type of twins AFO and Yoichi are, since it has some relevance to the story, and especially to the OFA/AFO quirk lore. so! at first glance the two of them would appear to be fraternal twins, just based on the fact that they have very different appearances, and also the fact that Yoichi doesn’t have the AFO quirk – no holes in his hands, etc. identical twins are born from the same fertilized egg, so in theory they would both have the same sequence of DNA, which means Yoichi would have had the same quirk as AFO. but that doesn’t appear to be the case. so all of that points to them being fraternal, not identical.

on the other hand, there is one piece of evidence in this chapter that does support them being identical twins, and that’s the fact that per the narration, AFO absorbed most of the nutrients from their mother. a few minutes of google fu informed me that this condition is relatively rare, and only happens in cases where two twins share a placenta, which typically is only the case for identical twins. HOWEVER, for what it’s worth, there have also been rare instances where two fraternal twin placentas fuse together and become a single placenta. AND this apparently also increases the chances of one of the twins gaining more of the nutrients and causing the other twin to have a lower birth weight.

so based on the evidence here, my conclusion is that the two of them are most likely fraternal twins with a case of placental fusion. besides, you can’t tell me that stealing his baby brother’s placenta while the two of them are literally still in the womb doesn’t sound like exactly the type of BS that fetus!AFO would pull, lol.)

HEY!?!

okay?!?!?! well to be fair he did throw that soda at him

oh my god this is so fucked up. in like the best and worst way possible

I genuinely couldn’t ask for a better AFO backstory. it’s so incredibly twisted, and you actually do feel sorry for him. or at least I do. but it’s also beyond clear that this kid was FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL REASON right from the get go. zero goodness in him. literally doesn’t see other people as people. sees them as possessions only. things to rule over. not other thinking, feeling human beings. and that includes his own little brother

but. even if it’s not actually what I would call love, there’s still... attachment, there. it’s the closest he can get to actually caring about someone. guh. just, somehow they have both managed to humanize him, and at the same time made him less human than ever. this manga, man. this fucking manga, though

lmao and here we go. Captain Hero

you know, all those times that I made fun of AFO for not knowing how to read, I never suspected that the twist in his backstory would be that he LITERALLY DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO READ dfksjdlfkjslkdf

but seriously though. because Yoichi appears to be self-taught, and I can’t see AFO having the patience for that, and CLEARLY no one else was around to teach him, sooooo...

oh my goodness it’s actually getting wholesome up in here

what a good fucking boy. poor AFO. fuck me, I can’t help it. it’s not your fault you’re the world’s greatest monster you poor bastard

now we’re cutting to THREE YEARS LATER. okay

is he going to declare war on the glowing baby

typical teenager concerned about nothing but likes and view counts. AFO you would be so much happier if you stopped worrying about all of that and just focused on your own growth

oh, lol. well that was quick

(ETA: r.i.p. Damien.)

“this guy had more instagram followers than me. so I killed him” honey. sweetie pie. you need therapy

omfg

all this time I was wondering who AFO’s middle school lit teacher was who had failed so spectacularly at teaching him reading comprehension. and it was YOICHI ALL ALONG. omg

“and, presumably, that’s how it always was and always will be.” dude. can you imagine listening to AFO’s oral book report on A Tale of Two Cities. “ahem. it was the Best of Times. the end” buddy noooooooo

it was at that moment when Yoichi knew, etc. etc.

oh my GOD I scrolled down to the next panel right after this one and I just IMMEDIATELY DIED LAUGHING

“WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID” ffffffffffffffff I fucking can’t omfg

NOW THIS HUSSY IS STEALING HIS BROTHER AWAY FROM HIM NOOOOOOO

HE’S HIS!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! THAT’S NOT ALLOWED!!!

oh my god the hands. so wait, is this just the standard symbolic BnHA handholding, or are there More Levels To This. when exactly did Yoichi pass OFA on to Kudou. like is that why the sudden close-up and all that? omg

WHAT!!!!

OH THAT’S THE END, HUH? THAT’S THE END RIGHT THERE, AND THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS. I SEE. OKAY THEN. EXCUSE ME WHILE I PUT MY LAPTOP DOWN AND GO INTO THE NEXT ROOM AND SCREAM INTO A PILLOW

oh my god. and break next week too. this is what you guys have been dealing with this entire time huh. I understand your feelings now. godfuckingdammit lmao

[streets-in-paradise]

Tormented Longing - Maximus Decimus Meridius x Empress!Reader

Gladiator (2000) Oneshot

Warnings: Reader is in love in a devoted, frankly delulu way ( not exactly like Commodus, but you will see.). This may not make sense with the movie, in the sense that it doesn't follow the events strictly, but I love drama lol. It's one of those " doesn't make much sense, but wanted to see it written. " scenarios @wildsaltair and I were talking about.

Summary: Fate grants you a reunion with the great love you believed lost when you consult the school of gladiators searching to buy protection from the schemes of the loathed husband it enforced on you.

Note: Somewhere I can't remember, because my browser is a mess of history entries, I read of someone who wanted to have gladiators as personal guard and that triggered in my mind this concept.

As it would be expected, your visit to the school of gladiators could potentially cause a scandall. Following the disorganised style of the ruling of your husband, you guessed one more excentricity could not make more harm. After all, he was shaking the values of Rome from their very own foundations. No one escaped him, and the need for appearances between you was running out.

As the wife that Marcus Aurelius had once chosen for him, Commodus accepted your marriage of convenience with the hope of pleasing him. Your wedding was the only moment in which he recalled any kindness from his father, his approbation of you feeling his by extention. ironically, the moment that ruined your life was the logical consecuence of the failure of one of his masterplans. Scheming against the lover of his sister, your friend, he digged his own grave when the crave to get him out of her way brought you closer to his.

He knew of your tormented love for Maximus and tried to encourage you of betraying Lucilla to keep him for yourself. That brief instant of temptation was paid with the highest price, some curse from the gods unleashed a chain of events punishing you equally with your enforced union. Not long into the marriage you found out that your sacrifice had been in vain, given neither you or the emperor's daughter got to keep the man you wanted. You also discovered with horror what kind of feelings pushed Commodus to that unfortunate alliance with you.

Depraved desires, not the logical concern of a brother.

In his sick mind, he believed to experience the same kind of longing you did, and the only reward of your marriage for him was dragging you down to share his misery. If he would never have Lucilla, you would never have Maximus. Promise that he accomplished to the cruelest extent as soon as he got rid of his father. Your noble general, faithfull as he was to the murdered emperor, refused an alliance with his killer and paid with his life.

Knowing that you would mourn him like a widow, Commodus taunted you with the news as soon as he got the chance. With the grudges of the past long forgotten, Lucilla was your only comfort. Touched by grief as you both were, she still managed to remind you of your priorities. With his brother in power having no more need to cather the opinions of their father, your life on itself could be in danger.

Of course, you still were a working facade for the most morally deplorable aspect on the disgusting side of him, but power could make him question your uses. You believed Commodus wouldn't be foolish enough to make of executing his wife one of his first commands of his rule in Rome, but that didn't mean you couldn't expect some unfortunate accident to happen.

What you needed was protection, and his praetorians weren't going to grant it. There was nothing the Senate could do for you, so you had to act on yourself. With the announcement of the games in honor of the deceased emperor, a demeaning joke made in private towards your husband that slipped from you as product of your ragefull grief for Maximus making you momentarily careless of death brought you the solution.

You told Commodus that watching the matches would show him a bit of what a real man was, as if you played to replace him with one of the gladiators, and that gave you the idea of buying your own commitive of protectors. Unusual, maybe, but desperate times needed of desperate meassures.

If you wouldn't be the Empress of Rome, Proximo would have laughed in your face when you explained yourself to him.

" Lady, this men aren't guards. They are entertainers. Doing business with your husband will make me rich, ... why would I risk that? "

" I'm only asking for a handfull of them and I'm not even demanding your best." You argued in return. " I need a protective escort that would answer to me, for safety measures. "

He was terminant to deny your excentricity.

" That is not of my concern. "

" Can I at least take a look at them? It's all I ask, for now. "

With reluctance, your wish was granted. Guided towards the cages you advanced in pridefull strunt and the slaves raised following your eyes. Only one remained in his place, careless or perhaps resentfull of your attention. For him you stopped, intrigued by his attitude and perhaps something more.

" That one is off limits, empress. " His owner warned you, noticing the sparkling interest he had awakened in you. " The Spaniard is the most expected novelty I have to offer. "

His words fell on deaf ears, marvelled as you were with the resemblance with your first and only lost love. An authentic ghost of the past haunting you. Could the gods have made two men so identical, or were they fooling you? Was that man like the phantom Helen made of cloud that some said had followed Paris to Troy while the real remained in hidding? Or had the men of Commodus killed a phantom?

" Forget our deal, I will give you whatever you ask for a moment to speak with him. "

The gladiator kept his cold demeanour, refusing to engage in eye contact with you, untill your almost broken whispers towards him forced the situation.

" ... A man I once knew was from Spain. He never knew, but he was the love of my life. "

Only then, he stopped staring angrily at the ground so he could show his face to you.

" Go back to your husband, Empress. "

The utterance of your rank felt as a spit of disdain landing in your face, but the surprise overcame everything. You were smiling with tearfull eyes, ready to jump over him as a wife that welcomes her brave husband home from war.

Maximus lived and fate had brought him back to you.

His attitude was understandable, even if it was a bit unfair to you. Not only you have played no part in the complot against him, you remained pointlessly faithfull to his memory like a pathetic lapdog. Lucilla had once married a good man that left her with a son after passing, but you were entrusted to a monster you could never love. You were still his in spirit, even if you accepted long ago he could never be for you.

" He doesn't command in my heart, he never will. "

In respect of your rank, the meeting was allowed in the most comfortable settling the place could grant you. By your specifical request, and ignoring the safety hazard that a very angry Maximus implied, you tried to keep him free from chains.

" Claiming my life is not a suitable vengeance, you would be doing his work for him." You warned him as soon as you were allowed enough privacy. " He doesn't have the slightest care for me, I am only the facade of his sinister desires, but if it would please your rage I would gladly give my life for you. "

You exposed your neck, awaiting for some imaginary sword to slit your throat or his hand to squeeze your air out, but the confusion that your willingness to die upon him produced him was enough to make him desist of anything.

" How can you say such things so lightly, when so much between us has changed? You are not that sweet friend of Lucilla giving me lovely glances full of sorrow before I would follow her. My wife and son were tortured and murdered by command of your husband! "

His recriminations hurted you, but how could he had he reacted otherwise? He had no idea of what happened with you after life separated you.

" Can't you see it? Time stopped for me the day I married Commodus without facing your rejection for respect to my friend. The one thing we have in common is obsessive devotion, only never for each other ... I never stopped loving you, I would do anything in my power to make your suffering stop. I can't give back what he took from you, just as no one can return me the youthfull years of misery standing him, but before rushing into conclussions there is something you need to know. "

Falling on your knees before him, you exposed yourself completely in a heartfelt speech.

" You are my sun, the happy corner where my thoughts go hidding from the horrors of my life. Commodus lives frustrated on the impossibility to fullfill his horrendous wants, but all this time I had the comfort of knowing my love is pure. If i daydreamed of being your wife, I never wished any wrongs for the woman you have once chosen. "

The raw honesty left him with very little space for doubts. Fragility you have saved for years was tenderly left on sight for him to judge if your feelings for him were real.

Little did it matter to him at the moment, but that didn't mean it didn't give him new thoughts and couldn't yet inspire him any pitty.

" What am I supposed to say? Do you expect me to be myself or perform for your delusion now that I have no other choice? "

Having your ways get mistaken with Commodus' offended you, but you endured it.

" I want you to understand that all I ever wanted was your happiness. Nothing more, and nothing else. I want you to stop seeing me as your enemy, but can't find a proof of my sincere devotion to satisfy you. If of something I can be blamed, is of loving you more desperately than Lucilla ever did. She survived without you, but I made you a part of me. "

The part of him that felt your sorrow finally won. Lifting your chin delicately with a caress of his thumb, he granted you a first calm approach making you stare into his eyes.

" Keep this meeting as a secret and your loyalty will be proven. I need nothing else of you. "

It made you smile, hopefull to the small victory.

" That was already granted, my love. Nothing greater would you ask from me? If your presence in the arena wouldn't be so required due to the excellent fame you adquired, I would be already trying to buy you in order to find some way to release you. "

The extreme measure to save his honor was a considerable risk that would end bad for you, so a question wandering his mind came out of him without second thoughts.

" Is there anything you wouldn't do for me? "

The mockfull callout made you raise up, regaining only glimpses of your dignity.

" Do you want to escape? I would gladly run away with you. Do you want the head of Commodus, detached from his body? I have no idea of how that could happen, but I will find the way of getting it for you. I don't even need you to love me back, only to let me fill you with the affection I have kept for so long reserved for you."

He remained strictly indiferent to your provocations, but you left him few space for choice. Your hands were cuping his cheeks when you dragged him close enough to barely sense your lips against his. He kept his mouth closed, forbbiding you entrance for a full mouth kiss, but after three carefull pecks he realized you were about to cover his face with those short kisses and stopped you inmediately.

" What do you want us to be? The legendary tale of the gladiator that turned an empress into a slave? "

You wouldn't admit it, but you liked the implied epicity in his reprobatory replication.

" I endure Commodus the same way his father did: ignoring him and pretending you are mine. He wanted you for a son and I want you for a husband. Indulge me as you did for your emperor. "

[ntls-24722]

Hello, am really sorry for sending you private message concerning my request in the ongoing situation in Rafa. The continuous bombardment and the ongoing genocide pose a significant threat to their well-being. What pains me even more is that due to the lack of medications in Gaza, my Mom, who is a type 2 Diabetis patiant and was scheduled for an urgent eye surgery, have had no access to insulin or any medical care for the past 3 months. Some of my family members sought refuge in the southernmost part of Gaza (Rafah) in tents. However, my parents, and sisters have no alternative place to stay, forced to remain in the Nusierat refugee camp, which is now the subject of continuous severe bombardment since christmas started.” Am on my knees requesting for your donations. Please help where possible.

Hey. Your situation is really dire and I really would try to help, if this wasn't a huge fucking scam and you weren't straight up fucking evil for using someone else's misery for your own profit. Kill yourself.

anyways

Help Rawan AbuMahady evacuate their family from Nusierat

The people in your profile picture are Hadeed and Ayah,

And they have the exact situation that you are talking about! to a T!

The Canadian government and the Canadian Palestinian embassy have not even attempted to free Ayah and Hadeel. Their donation goal covers immediate funding to go through the Rafah crossing into Egypt and the transportation costs to get there.

Do not view the lives of my sisters as more numbers; Hadeel and Ayah are filled with love and hope. I raised them with care, and each of them had dreams and aspirations. Hadeel dreams of becoming a fashion designer and is an aspiring author. Ayah, despite being born into a life of wars and destruction, is filled with art and motivation, she aspires to be an artist and graphic designer. My parents are beautiful soulds; my father is a retired surgen and my mom is a gorgeous embroiderer. They share deep love for nature, their cats, art, music and cienema.

My large Gaza family is filled with love and warmth, and losing them is a tremendous loss. I appreciate your efforts and time in reading my plea. I never expected to find myself in this situation. It is incredibly challenging to navigate these circumstances as an independent woman proud of her financial independence, finding herself in this dire situation.

~ Rawan AbuHaday

18,539 CAD/30,000

[goshdangronpa]

Maybe some Ibuki and WAIT NVM I WAS GONNA BE SHY ABOUT IT BUT THEN I READ YOUR BIO TSUMIODA PLEASE!

Welcome, viiluen! You could not be in a safer space as a fan of this ship. Tsumioda made me lose my mind, and I'm always happy to talk about them.

If you look through my blog for posts with that tag, you'll find roughly a million rbs and plenty of originals with my own thoughts. I'm also working on more than one fanfic featuring them. So what can I do that's 1) different from what I've already posted before, and 2) not gonna be covered in one of my fics?

Well ... how about a bunch of hcs?

Among other reasons why they're a perfect match: I believe that Ibuki wants to give love and be loved for giving it, while Mikan yearns to receive love and not be punished or hated or pitied for wanting it.

You ever see that part in Punch Drunk Love where the main character tells his love interest he wants to smash her face in with a sledgehammer ... and she replies that she wants to chew off his face and eat his eyeballs? I think Ibuki would handle Mikan's "I want to paralyze you so you always need me and can't ever leave" comments like that. Just immediately defuse it with humor, match her freak, and say she'll never leave with such unmistakable earnestness that even Mikan can't doubt her.

Mikan likes scary movies. Ibuki, not so much - she's easily startled. But it's cool to see this braver side of Mikan that otherwise rarely comes out, and it's sweet to be comforted by her gf's strong arms, so she'll watch them with her on occasion.

Ibuki sees no problem sharing toothbrushes with someone who regularly swaps spit with her. Mikan still thinks it's extremely unhygienic. Once she realizes that Mikan might concede from a sense of pressure, though, Ibuki drops it.

Someday I'll shell out for an art commission of Mikan doing her sleepy cuddly thing with Ibuki, who wants to make the moment last as long as possible but also really wants to scream in delight.

I've shared this thought before, but I don't think Ibuki would immediately forgive Mikan after SDR2. Like ... she murdered her. When she was at her most vulnerable. Specifically by taking advantage of her trust. Ibuki's emotionally mature enough to recognize that Mikan wasn't really herself at that moment, but that doesn't shake the initial feelings of horror, revulsion, loathing, misery ... Ibuki wants nothing to do with her and retreats into herself.

Continuing that thought, Mikan would run away from this, giving her former victim a huge berth for a while after they wake up. It's what Ibuki wants, and it's what they both deserve. But she'd feel a sense of duty to the girl. No one had ever been kinder to her, and Ibuki needs kindness now more than ever. It'd be clumsy. There'd be mistakes, flare-ups, moments where one or the other or both run away. But something stronger will pull them back together. Hope, at first. Then, against all odds and anyone's expectations including their own ...

[taeskooksbin]

I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE ; kth

→ 𝖲𝖴𝖬𝖬𝖠𝖱𝖸 . kim taehyung, your love interest has been cheating on you for so long and despite knowing it all, you're still somewhat not able to leave him, why?

→ 𝖯𝖠𝖨𝖱𝖨𝖭𝖦 . cheater!kim taehyung (male lead) × love interest!reader (female lead)

→ 𝖦𝖤𝖭𝖱𝖤 . cheating au.

→ 𝖶𝖠𝖱𝖭𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲 . lowercase intended, heavy angst with shitty writing, the reader is kind of dumb, some filmy scenes that may give you the ick.

→ 𝖠𝖴𝖳𝖧𝖮𝖱'𝖲 𝖭𝖮𝖳𝖤 . to people who are reading this, can someone please give me a tut on how I add my masterlist to my account? lmao I'm so bad at this 😭

→ 𝖱𝖠𝖳𝖨𝖭𝖦 . none

𝖬𝖠𝖲𝖳𝖤𝖱𝖫𝖨𝖲𝖳 𖤐 𓈒࣪ ᭡ ˖ 𝖳𝖠𝖦𝖫𝖨𝖲𝖳 𖤐 𓈒࣪ ᭡ ˖ 𝖯𝖫𝖠𝖸𝖫𝖨𝖲𝖳 𖤐 𓈒࣪  ᭡ ˖ 𝖯𝖨𝖭𝖳𝖤𝖱𝖤𝖲𝖳

“You and me we made a vow

For better or for worse”

The memories, still fresh in my mind, the day we got married, room our vows to be wedded to each other our whole life with no uncertainty. I never knew we’d come to this point where the happily established relationship is at the verge of breaking off, I truly never did. But I suppose that's life, unexpected things?

“I can't believe you let me down

But the proof's in the way it hurts”

If it were a few months ago, I would've never believed, oh hell, who would've? we were so happy and content together then how? ‘you’re my only one’ ‘if I ever do something just slap me and remind me who was the one with me all along’ ‘i love you, forever and always’ I suppose they were just void words, nothing else.

“For months on end I've had my doubts

Denying every tear”

The memory is still as fresh as an undone bruise, in my mind. When he accidently left his phone at home and I found messages from an unknown woman, usually it would've been normal and I believe myself to be an understanding one.

However, you can't be really understanding if your husband gets a message somewhat like ‘thanks for the night, meet tomorrow again?’. I chuckled at my stupidity cause I still thought that it was a misunderstanding, every night slapping myself back to reality, whenever I’d cry over that.

“I wish this would be over now

But I know that I still need you here”

I don't want to live like this anymore, not anymore. But can I really leave him? No. All the happy moments we shared together flood back in my mind whenever I’d think of leaving him, concerned about difficulties and troubles he’d face.

But is it really him who needs me? Not at all, it’s the other way around. At this point I’m way too dependent on him to leave him, way too used to seeing his face, making breakfast, sleeping together, referring to myself as his wife.

“You say I'm crazy

'Cause you don't think I know what you've done”

He cupped my face, “You’re behaving really crazily these days, what is happening?” I can't feel the concern, it's the annoyance which is lacing off his voice, covered up as a facade of ‘concern’. “You really don't know?” I smiled with moisture building up in my eyes while he looked at me in confusion.

“But when you call me baby

I know I'm not the only one”

He frowned, “What are you talking about, baby?” I could hear myself chuckling bitterly internally, but I did not dare to do this infront of him, I shook my head lightly with a smile, “Nothing” I smiled, like always.

“You've been so unavailable

Now sadly I know why”

“I was calling you the whole day, why were you not picking up? what if it was something important?” I yelled, “I was busy” Busy sure, perhaps busy giving company to her? I could laugh at my misery at this point, however I'm way too exhausted to even do that, the after effects of crying myself to sleep every night I suppose?

“Your heart is unobtainable

Even though Lord knows you kept mine”

I smiled gleamingly as soon as he stepped foot in the house, running over to him and holding his wrist while dragging him to the kitchen, “What is happening?” He spoke with confusion and gasped at all the dishes in the house; however, as soon as he was about to speak, he got a call.

He excused himself and walked to the corner and then swiftly made another excuse and walked out of the house. What he didn't know was how I was following him, after hearing the faint ‘Happy Anniversary’ through the call.

“You say I'm crazy

'Cause you don't think I know what you've done”

I saw him walking inside a house, I knew who lived there and not wanting to hurt myself anymore, I walked to move out until I saw the two silhouettes, the guy keeping an arm around the girl’s waist and the girl wrapping her arms around his neck, they both swayed to the music elegantly and finally my tears made an appearance on my face, finally.

“But when you call me baby

I know I'm not the only one”

The way back home, it was getting hard not to earn judgmental stares from everyone. When I reached back home, I broke down after trying too hard to hold the sobs. Even choking on my own tears many times, I threw every picture of ours, shattering them all in pieces.

“I have loved you for many years

Maybe I am just not enough”

I walked to the kitchen and saw the pleasant dishes, all decorated with love and walked to the fridge, I opened and saw a homemade cake, ‘Happy Fifth Anniversary’ was written on the vanilla cake.

I smiled bitterly, my salty tears falling on it, ruining the whole taste and it was getting harder to breathe now, I kept the cake on the kitchen top and walked upstairs to find my inhaler.

“You've made me realise my deepest fear

By lying and tearing us up”

I opened every cupboard and then when I found none, I opened our cabinet which was locked, I opened it only to find my unused inhaler which was beside the divorce papers with his part already signed, and that was enough for me to break now.

“You say I'm crazy

'Cause you don't think I know what you've done”

Taehyung walked inside the house only to find the horrendous view, shattered pictures, the house all messy, blood drops all over the floor. He ran inside the kitchen only to find his wife sitting on the dining table with an emotionless face, she looked crazy to him.

“But when you call me baby

I know I'm not the only one”

I looked up only to find him standing with a shocked expression and smiled, walking towards him I held his hand, “What is all thi—” He started but I cut him off, “I hate you” I whispered, he frowned,

“What are you talking—” He started as his voice rose but I smiled and pulled him closer, the music was playing and soon enough the same song was playing while he and she were dancing.

I chuckled, finally he knows that I know. I forcefully made him reenact the same dance steps they did while I was watching, keeping his hand on my waist, I wrapped mine around his neck and started swaying while looking at him with a sad smile.

This was it, this is the end now. He walked to the living room and saw the divorce papers lying on the table with her sign, and soon enough she walked out of the room with a suitcase in her hand. He realised now, what role she played- fuck that, what huge role she played in his life. But would she stop to give him a chance now? Never.

# ask taehyung

# ask y/n

[lemotmo]

Oh this was a cruel question, but very clever answer and I actually think this woybe my order as well 😬

Q. Okay, you have to answer, no chickening out! List the main cast in order from favorite to least favorite. And then tell us why. It's HARD and I struggled big time with it!!

A. Yikes, anon. This is a mean question. For the sake of my sanity I'm going to go with just the original main cast. And I'm going to cheat, slightly, lol. I'm going to rate them as a pair so my order would be:

1. Buck and Eddie

2. Hen and Chimney

3. Bobby and Athena

I have been a Buck girlie since season one. My sunshine boy deserves the world. Eddie baby trapped me and Buck when he waltzed in in season 2 with the cutest kid the world has ever seen. He brought with him a brooding persona who thinks he has to stay strong and take care of everyone else but desperately wants someone to take care of him. My man wants and deserves to be romanced. And I need to see Buck romance him. They share a singular braincell. Can communicate without words. And, if the show is smart, the greatest television slow burn ever. They are the Buckley Diaz family and they deserve their happily ever after. ADORE 💗

Hen and Chimney are the ultimate ride or die besties who are both too smart for their own damn good but occasionally share a singular brain cell and it's a joy to watch. Watching Chimney grow from the insecure unhappy man he was in season 1 to the badass husband and father he is today has been amazing. Everyone should have a Hen in their lives. The world would be a much better place if we all had her wisdom and judgement in our lives.

Bobby and Athena are the perfect fire fam parents. Bobby basically being Buck's dad is everything. Athena being a one woman badass parade is awesome. My only nugget of complaint is that the show leans very heavily into the misery with the two of them. Especially with Bobby. Responsible for the death of his wife and kids, along with many others. Alcoholic. Abusive, miserable childhood, and suicidal. It's a lot. It's why hos friendship with Michael was so good, he was allowed to be goofy. The Athena thing I get. She's Angela Bassett, they want to show that off, and they should. The problem is that certain writers, ahem Kristen, write her way over the top and some of her scenes can kind of get ridiculous as a result. I love them. I just wish the show would understand that they don't need to constantly be buried in misery.

There you have it anon. That's my list and why. I have zero doubt that it pisses off someone and I'm sure they will let me know about it, lol.

Thank you Nonny! :)

That is so difficult, but I mostly agree with Ali here about the order. Although I would put Eddie on top for sure. He is my first and biggest love. It took me a while to warm up to Buck in season 1, but I finally did and haven't looked back since. ;)

What a great question that was.

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[annathesillyfriend]

A few days late, but it's here! Just a tiny little list of stories that made me feel thing this month. I wish you all a wonderful December 💙

To all the writers - I love you and I appreciate you so much!

To all the readers - please, share the fics you read and love. The reblog really makes the change! It’s the least we can do to show our gratitude.

Also, please, mind the writers’ warnings!

🌉JAKE 'HANGMAN' SERESIN🌉

there's a honey by @bussyslayer333

↳ one shot, penny's niece!reader, first fic i read this month and what a wonderful start it was!

love that's a real long shot by @callsignvalley

↳ one shot, 18+, pilot!reader, fwb, angst, top tier story 🙌

birthday blues by @dilfsouls

↳ one shot, jake forgets her birthday, she tortures him but she's obssesed with him at the same time (which is very relatable)

first impressions by @imjess-themess

↳ one shot, 18+, mitchell!reader, there is a special place in my heart for all the "4 times... and one time..." fics

less misery, more company by @seresinhangmanjake

↳ one shot,  “everyone loves when a hot guy suffers" - yes, yes we do 😊

forever winter by @hufflepuffprincesse

↳ one shot, beautiful piece of work 💙

birds away by @wombtotombx

↳ series, pilot!reader. best friends to lovers, high quality content 👏

🌉BRADLEY 'ROOSTER' BRADSHAW🌉

red flags, green flags by @roosterforme

↳ one shot, this was so fun and so so good!!

🌉ROBERT 'BOB' FLOYD🌉

he didn't have to be by @imjess-themess

↳ one shot, single mom!reader, this is so sweet i love it so much 🥺

return to me by @lt-bradshawaw

↳ one shot, wife!reader, wonderful fic!!

all i want for christmas (is you) by @bussyslayer333

↳ one shot, 18+, all i want for christmas is one robery floyd

bobby burns by @sebsxphia

↳ one shot, i just want bob to take me home to his ma and make me a part of their family, is it too much too ask???

🌉MICKEY 'FANBOY' GARCIA🌉

don't drop my baby by @callsign-squints

↳ one shot, the squad meeting baby garicia and i'm hjfkdhgjfhdkgd

as blue as your taste (i taste the same) by @rea-gar-targaryen

↳ one shot, 18+, if the summary doesn't make you want to drop everything you're doing and go read it asap, then i don't know what is wrong with you

🌉STEVE HARRINGTON🌉

bruised and bloody by @stvharrngton

↳ one shot, friends to lovers, pining idiots that make me go AHHHHHH

wine night by @pouringmyheartouttoastranger

↳ one shot, 18+, the final line of this fic is 'comfy, and happy, and in love' and that's exaclty how i feel after reading it

hot for teacher by @handful0fteeth

↳ one shot, 18+, this is some good shit™ right there 🥵

this fic by @sunshinehollandd

↳ one shot, dad!steve, can you hear my scream??? 😭 this is the most adorable thing ever

tell me again by @appocalipse

↳ one shot, friends to lovers but make it angst, we love to see them suffer 🤗

somewhere only we know by @stevebabey

↳ one shot, this was wonderful and made my heart grow 10 times bigger

this fic by @luveline

↳ one shot, oh to have steve harrington carry your photo around in his wallet :')

you and i by @chervbs

↳ one shot, look! it's friends to lovers again! and they're still idiots :)

keep my hand in yours by @harringtown

↳ one shot, i want to get a voucher for playing with steve's hair for christmas this year, please and thank you

i will always be right there by @familyvideostevie

↳ one shot, if someone told me 'you will always be my first choice', i'd be literally dead at the spot

heat of the moment by @appocalipse

↳ one shot, old friends to lovers, steve saying “you can move all the way to another planet and I still wouldn’t be able to forget how I feel about you.” leaves 4 dead, 21 injured

the upside of love by @osterfield-holland-andcompany

↳ one shot, 18+, this is a want but also a need

cute aggression by @retrobutterflies

↳ one shot, cute things ahead!

this fic by @forever-rogue

↳ one shot, SO CUTE I CAN'T

🌉EDDIE MUNSON🌉

the rest of the story by @jobean12-blog

↳ one shot, friends to lovers written by the wonderful Jo, of course it's amazing!

necking by @roanniom

↳ one shot, 18+, i think about his neck and jaw and suddenly i can't breath

baby, slow it down and baby, kiss me quick by @upsidedownwithsteve

↳ two shot, 18+, fwb, pure gold, each paragraph is better than the last

an attempt at a one night stand by @whoahoney

↳ series, 18+, single mom!reader, oh wow 🥵 that's my review

i want your video by @thefreak-thebanished

↳ one shot, 18+, modern!au, delicious 🤤🤤

🌉BUCKY BARNES🌉

what i wouldn't do and the lenghts i'd go to by @real-jane

↳ two shot, 18+, detective!bucky who is an idiot in love with his partner and i am an idiot in love with Kate's work <3

poet laureate by @real-jane

↳ series, professor!bucky, we don't deserve all this greatness that Kate's graces us with 🙌

the bet by @wkemeup

↳ one shot, the words can't describe how much i loved this

🌉SAM WILSON🌉

on a leash by @rassvetsky

↳ one shot, friends to lovers, SHSHHSHSHSH I LOVE THIS

🌉PETER PARKER🌉

eyes on me: dressed up by @thegirlintheswivelchair

↳ one shot, that man, i love him so much!!

🌉RHETT ABBOTT🌉

whiskey sour by @h0neyfire

↳ one shot, 18+, i have zero (0) thoughts in my mind right now, my brain is not working 🥴

white picket gences & embroidery by @sebsxphia

↳ one shot, the domestic fluff in this one just makes me want to scream, cry and throw up but like in a good way

[dramavixen]

are producers the clowns for approving subpar endings or am i the clown for expecting more

**Spoilers for:

Love Like the Galaxy (China, 2022)

The Red Sleeve (South Korea, 2021)

Late as I am to every bandwagon, I at last completed my first watch-through of Love Like the Galaxy a few days ago. For the past couple of weeks, I have done nothing but think about, consume, and breathe this story. At last, a show that was ticking all the boxes! I could tear myself free from this drama slump of mine!

This celebration lasted until I sat down with my parents to observe that thing the producers might call an "ending," but which sparked a frustration in me so severe that it triggered a post-COVID coughing fit, which in turn almost made me throw up. I couldn't comprehend it: was this the same show? Did I accidentally click on a parallel universe version where everyone's intelligence was operating 20% capacity?

Since I'd like to avoid making myself physically ill again, I'm not going to focus too much on how logic abruptly becomes an imaginary concept throughout the last two episodes. At least all that did was make me angry. What I can't accept is that they use that lack of logic to curse our leads with the most careless of reconciliations.

To alleviate my distress, we're going to perform an investigation. A deduction, if you will, of precisely what the ending was lacking, and utilizing a case study of how to conclude a story in both a fitting and compelling manner.

An unresolved misery

In recent years, my tolerance for male leads' misbehavior has plummeted down into the core of the earth. You could say that after years of being brainwashed by media into excusing male characters' questionable actions due to how much they "love" their partners, I'm taking back my common sense. So when faced with Zisheng's killing spree while armed with the knowledge that a "happy ending" was endgame, I anticipated how the writers would close such an abyssal rift in the leads' relationship. And the result was...well, not all that worth it.

If you need a memory refresh or you're reading this without fear of spoilers (godspeed), the conclusion of LLTG sees Shaoshang being kidnapped multiple times by people who she knows don't hold good intentions, but she goes along with them anyway. Don't ask why (the answer is so Zisheng can swoop in to rescue her). Some needlessly dramatic things lead to Shaoshang assuming for a few seconds that Zisheng has died in an explosion. But lo and behold! Here he comes, emerging unscathed from the ordeal. She flies into his arms and forgives him. Then they run off and save China, because it's not a historical C-drama until they do.

By the time we got to the fire/explosion scene, my mental state had already been reduced to a pulp. Therefore, to write this piece, I had to rewatch that part and make sure I was getting all the details right. It shocked me into a second round of holding my head to prevent my brain from ejecting itself as it sought to escape this reality.

(Also, I have to take a moment here to demand justice for He Zhaojun. They leave a pregnant woman on the floor after dragging her out of a fire, while she's having contractions, so they can instead take the time to hold a premature mourning session for Zisheng. Guys, it's not the end of the world if you don't have a brain. But please don't throw away your conscience.)

However the writers did it, it still counts as a happy ending. Such a conclusion should come as a relief, so why do I find it so hard to come to terms with? Let's rewind a tad.

Both Shaoshang and Zisheng grew up under grim circumstances, their identities subjecting them to emotional and social turmoil. But while they share a similar internal struggle, they must deal with it in opposing ways. Shaoshang opens herself up to anyone who shows her true kindness, desperate for someone to accept her for who she is. On the other hand, Zisheng can only isolate himself from everyone, unable to reveal his true self due to both political and personal interests.

Their eventual parting is unavoidable. Shaoshang is moved by Zisheng's unwavering love for her. Can't blame her all that much; just look at him. But the closer she gets, the more Zisheng fears dragging her into his mess of a life, and the more he pulls away. When Zisheng chooses vengeance over love, he's already crossed Shaoshang's bottom line several times by refusing to share his troubles whenever she asked—the irony being that he once scolded her for keeping things to herself.

ZS: If, one day, they really intend to kill you, would you not tell me then, either? Shaoshang, exactly who do you take me for? Why must you always act on your own, and not trust me? SS: It is not that I do not want to trust you. I simply— ZS: You simply do not care about me. After betrothing you, I would frequently think about how great it would be if I could become your confidant and anchor. You could tell me about all of your fears and loneliness. I do not wish to control you. All I hope is that you can be honest with me. But how is it that your heart never warms toward me?

I see that Zisheng is a loyal believer of the "do as I say, not as I do" doctrine.

While it's initially funny to look back on the above scene in context, it's quite sad once you mull over it more. Zisheng's desire to know Shaoshang's troubles is rooted in a concern for her safety that is both emotional and practical in nature. When Shaoshang later applies that same thinking on him, the tables have turned completely. Zisheng is now aware that few situations are simple enough to be resolved just by being honest with someone else. And if the problem is severe enough, doing so may only aggravate it further.

From his perspective, telling Shaoshang would mean ruining her and her family's lives by association. Not to mention, she herself swore that she would stay with him through everything. So if he dies as a result of carrying out his revenge, the possibility of her dying solidifies itself as an inevitability. Leaving her behind is the one method he has to ensure that he alone would suffer the consequences.

Like it or not, it's hard to blame either of them for the end of their relationship. Is Zisheng wrong to keep Shaoshang in the dark? Arguably yes, arguably no. But is Shaoshang justified in her anger about being kept in the dark? Absolutely.

While we can be reasonably upset that post-timeskip Shaoshang possesses none of the outspoken nature of her teenage self, her lingering depression is the most realistic result of everything that happens. She has tried repeatedly to find her place in the world, yet arrives at nothing but failure every time. Not to mention, she suffers from an inferiority complex that intensifies the ache of each and every rejection. She isn't unfamiliar with being abandoned, but Zisheng doing it to her is the final straw that breaks her. The coffin her family was preparing for her didn't go to waste—the moment that Zisheng turned his back on her, he killed a part of her. Meanwhile, Zisheng becomes a corpse with a pulse, someone who only continues to breathe so he can regret what he has done.

When you delve into how much Zisheng hurt Shaoshang and himself, it becomes clear that a Michael Bay explosion shouldn't have been the answer to their problem. After the timeskip, the issue at hand should be less about her forgiving him than it is about each of them needing to redeem parts of themselves that they lost to the circumstances. That's why their interactions at this point are so painful to watch. Every word, every look, every movement brims with love for the other person, but they are both shells of their former selves that cannot move on.

No words for the above; too busy sobbing as they each individually accept that they'll never experience true happiness again.

As a viewer, you know that Shaoshang accepting him at this point would be an objectively bad idea. But it's also hell to watch two people, both overly accustomed to suffering, walk away from the person who brought them the greatest joy in their life. That's the art of tragedy, flourishing before us in a quiet, leaden fog. And they killed it in a bloom of gunpowder, of all things?

The beauty in tragedy

To say that a tragic ending is inherently superior to a happy one would be a pretentious fallacy. At the same time, a forced happy ending will feel unstable enough that the slightest of questions will cast it into doubt. The genre of an ending is irrelevant. It only matters that the ending is the right one.

So should LLTG have ended with the leads parting ways for good? To find the answer, I want to first dig into a successful example of tragedy. For that, let's look to our dearest, our legendary, our precious: The Red Sleeve.

Similar in premise to LLTG, TRS features a female lead with independent thinking and a dream for freedom, faced with a man of high social status who goes about chasing her in a way that flaunts his power. The stakes are higher in TRS since the man in question will one day be king, but the highlight of the show is the same as in LLTG: you bounce back and forth between hoping that she ends up with him and praying to any god that exists that she runs far, far away from him. You can't really win.

One day I'd love to write a thorough analysis on the amazing character that is Sung Deok-Im, but for our current purposes I'll focus on the nature of her ending. TRS is roughly based on history, and a quick Google search when you begin the drama will inform you that our female lead is fated to die at 33 years old—only a few years after she is "promoted" from gungnyeo to Yi San's consort. As a result, you spend much of the drama battling the lurking dread of how her death comes about.

A few months after her young son passes away, Deok-Im falls ill and dies. The unborn child in her womb follows her. Yi San is beside her as Deok-Im slips away, and her dying wish is cruel but fair: should they meet again in another life, she begs Yi San to pass her by. Only then can she choose to live a free life, full of choices, which was all she had wanted until she fell in love with him.

While watching LLTG, my emotions mirrored those I endured through TRS. Both dramas force you to get to know the female lead as someone who wants to be herself, a baffling idea in the face of a society where women's primary identities are those associating them with someone else: daughters, wives, sisters, mothers. Yet she continues to harbor hope that she can control her own life, even as she falls in love with a man whose station will certainly snuff out that possibility. The saving grace in LLTG is that Zisheng is not a part of the royal family, and even then Shaoshang goes through her fair share of frustration. TRS on the other hand...even if you haven't seen it, you can likely guess what happens.

The biggest tragedy in TRS is not that Deok-Im dies young. It's the despair that trickles through every part of you as she transforms from a free-spirited, boisterous young woman into an obedient consort whose every word and movement is straight out of the books of etiquette, who isn't permitted her own feelings or thoughts in the face of the country's interests. History may not share the specifics behind how the consort actually died, but the drama all but tells you that depression played a major role. By the end of the drama, Deok-Im hasn't existed for a while. She dies as Royal Noble Consort Ui.

I wonder what I have gained by being in this place, and what I have lost.

I cry inconsolably whenever I see this expression of acceptance and resignation on her face as she sends off her friends and her former self, knowing full well that she has caged herself into a life of sadness so she can be with the one she loves—a man whose first priority can never be her.

But oh, no; our suffering doesn't end there. Yi San lives on after her, looking after his country while carrying the lingering pain of Deok-Im's death. At one point, he retrieves her belongings and appears stunned by her gungnyeo clothing:

It is so small. Were you always so small? Yet, I loved you.

In Yi San’s memory, Deok-Im was a person of great stature. What she may have lacked in social position, she more than made up for in personality. Her tenacity made her appear so strong that only in hindsight does Yi San understand just how vulnerable she was.

Yi San is also someone to be pitied. When we watch palace dramas, it's easy to say that the king's consorts have it far worse than the king. They fight over a man in order to survive, and arguably their sacrifices are greater in number and magnitude. But it's egregious to host a competition of suffering, and you can't deny that Yi San himself leads an unfortunate life. In the cold isolation of the palace, Deok-Im gives him warmth and company. It's no wonder that he wishes to have her by his side, but he is still willing to let her go when she pushes him away.

Almost every other palace drama would have you turning up your nose at the king or emperor's so-called "love" for one of the women in his harem. TRS leaves no room for such doubt. The throne takes away Yi San's ability to choose, and ultimately his ability to wholeheartedly love someone. Even so, Yi San holds Deok-Im so dear that you might want to blame him for how she ends up, but it's hard. Really, really hard. (For anyone interested and who hasn't already, I highly recommend reading the actual history behind this drama. Dude was so in love that it physically hurts.)

In the final scene, he reunites with Deok-Im in the afterlife. At last, they are together and without all the frills and chains of royalty tying them down.

Many years have passed, and at times, I was not certain myself. Do I truly miss you, or do I simply glorify the past? Now I know. I missed you, and I missed the time that I spent with you. [...] Now I understand that we do not have much time. And we do not have the luxury to wait. So, love me. Please. Love me.

I'm always scared to watch the last episode because I just spend the full hour and a half bawling until I can't breathe. Taking these few screenshots was truly a test of my entire being.

So what makes a good tragedy? Tragedy is not "bad things happen." It's "bad things may have happened, but I wouldn't have chosen any differently." When Deok-Im becomes Yi San's consort, it isn't because he keeps her there. She chooses to stay. She loves the prospect of freedom, but she just loves Yi San more. It's awful, it hurts, and it's perfect.

What could have been

We've taken a slight detour, but have at last arrived back at the topic of: how should LLTG have ended?

If given the choice between Shaoshang and Zisheng being together and them not being together, I would obviously choose the former while beating the latter into a permanent nonexistence. With any degree of empathy, you can't watch two people suffer as Shaoshang and Zisheng do, then turn around and wish for their continued misfortune and loneliness. So although I'll concede that it would have easily made for a fantastic tragedy like TRS, I can't bear to say that it should have been one. But if the writers want to go for the non-obvious happy ending, it still has to follow the progression of things.

The current problem is this: Zisheng abandoned Shaoshang and scorned her trust in him. We're now in a position where Shaoshang has the decisive say in whether the relationship can be revived.

LLTG's primary focus has always been Shaoshang. Though multifaceted, her personality and motivations are pretty straightforward. Each time she suffers is a result of her lack of agency. She had no choice in her parents leaving her as an infant, no choice in her poor upbringing, no choice in agreeing to marry Zisheng. Even when she gave up Lou Yao, was that truly a result of her volition alone? For someone whose greatest enemy is helplessness, what matters most is maintaining her own free will.

Through this lens, each time Shaoshang asks Zisheng if he has something to tell her, not only is she asking him to trust in her as his equal, she wants him to let her decide to stay with him. Zisheng turning her away scars her so deeply because it's the same thing as telling her, "I don't care what you want to do." He's drawing a line while taking away from her the power to choose—the one thing she's told him repeatedly matters to her.

SS: I used to hate you for abandoning me. I hated that you acted on your own. I hated that you would rather leap from a cliff than walk alongside me. I hated that I loved you so truly, whereas you told me lie after lie. It has been five years. It was not easy to let go of all of this. I can no longer give away my heart or trust again. ZS: I am sorry. Regardless of what choice you make, I will respect it. These last few years in the Northwest, not a day went by where I was not filled with remorse. I know you. I knew completely that you feared being abandoned. Yet I still chose to harm you in the way that would hurt you the most. In the first twenty years of my life, I lived in hatred. And for the rest of my life, I will live in remorse. If I could, I would tear my heart from my chest to show you. But I know I no longer have that right.

"A married couple exists as one entity." Such is what the drama emphasizes time and again, but what does that mean? Not that one party is in automatic agreement with the other. It's about learning to reach compromises and understanding what's important to the other person. When you don't give your partner their say in that conversation, then what relationship is there to be had?

That is why Shaoshang's unwavering desire for individual opinion matters even more after entering a relationship, and why she still struggles to come to terms with what Zisheng has done. She doesn't blame him. She doesn't want him to beg for forgiveness. After everything she's been through, she just can't put herself in the same vulnerable position again. And he's learned to fully respect her opinion, which means that he has to let her go.

TRS's ending works for the simple reason that it remains true to the characters and their motivations. The tragedy isn't there to make us sad, it's just where the story was always going to find itself. This is why we as viewers hate the ending, but we wouldn't have wanted it written any other way—to do so would be betraying Deok-Im and Yi San.

But when you look LLTG, it gives you a very weak argument for Shaoshang and Zisheng's reconciliation. In front of you are two people whose love for one another could not run any deeper, yet there are legitimate obstacles to their relationship. Shaoshang needs to relearn trust and feel respected. Zisheng's conflict mimics that of Yi San's; as much as he may regret the past, there is nothing about it that can be changed. That regret is something that has to be addressed. (Of course, in Yi San's case, that was addressed through his death. So maybe not that for Zisheng, if you please.)

I can see where the writers attempt to cure Zisheng's remorse, but come on now. They stage a bizarre speech for him where he denounces his previous actions, like a child being punished by his parents and being forced to write a 200-word essay reflecting on his wrongdoings, and while they're being held in the most asinine hostage situation ever known to man. He seriously proclaims that he should have walked the honorable path instead of opting for vigilante justice.

This entire scene was a nauseating roller coaster, but that last part threw me for a major loop. Sir, the only reason you can say that so shamelessly is because your soon-to-be wife found evidence after you killed the guy. Are you really going to stand there with a straight face as you tell me that you regret how you killed the man who you watched murder your father, and who brought about the horrific deaths of your entire family? There was no other option at the time. Of course you had to kill him. It was as much a personal vendetta as it was political. No one likes what happened after that, but those are consequences that should be dealt with separately. Also, Shaoshang's qualms aren't rooted in you killing the guy, they're rooted in you killing him and then trying to kill yourself, all without taking her desires into consideration.

And just as I was thinking the above, the next thing that happened on-screen: Shaoshang turns to him with an expression that says, ah, so he's learned his lesson! Oh...my goodness.

Hi, ma'am? Question. What exactly is more emotionally persuasive about this weird declaration now than when he laid his heart out that night when you wished one another well and said goodbye? Is it because he almost explodes afterward? In the five years he spent out on the battlefield, was he not always in danger of exploding, or being stabbed, or being tortured to death, etc.? Did he not almost die saving you from falling off a cliff two days prior? Why didn't you waver then, especially since it should remind you of, you know, the other time that he jumped off a cliff?

During the scene where she runs to him after discovering he miraculously is not dead, a severe suspicion came over me that perhaps they inhaled so much smoke that they were no longer thinking straight.

A solid happy ending was clearly a possibility. Even if they wanted to go with the above nonsense, could we not also have had a moment where they admit to one another that while overcoming their pain will be difficult at first, being apart from one another for eternity would be much more painful? That nothing in life is easy, but it will be easier with each other? That that commitment is what makes a married couple a single entity, and they just want to commit to each other? Then they can go off and save China, whatever.

They deserved an ending that had me rejoicing that these two are finally, finally, finally on the same wavelength. It should have been more introspective and more considerate of Shaoshang's hurt and Zisheng's regret. Their psychological wounds are instead dismissed through an absurd monologue in a basement and the arbitrary realization that death is lurking around every corner.

The hilarious part is that in the last two episodes, even the actors are noticeably less enthusiastic. In their performances, I see essences of how I feel when a client requests edits to a design that will make it significantly uglier. You gotta do what you gotta do to pay the bills.

Sigh. I could forever grieve what could have been, but this is still one of my favorite dramas. Characters that feel like real people, relationships that make your heart hurt. Those should be common sense in media but are hard to come by in reality, and I'll continue to appreciate what LLTG gave me.

All I really want from the drama industry is for it to please, for the love of our collective sanities, stop thinking that "happy" endings are a valid shortcut to satiating an audience. Good tragic endings are difficult to write, yes, but good happy endings are not any easier. To underestimate that is to let down the story and characters that were so painstakingly brought to life in the first place.

[rosemarycrowley]

I have read the autobiography of the man who was no longer human. The walking corpse of a soon to be suicide. 

I have read the story of Oba Yozo. And also the story of Osamu Dazai.

I have noticed the similarities. Dazai's tendency to leave not just fragments but whole morsels of himself in his work. Is it a way to explore his own psyche ? To try to understand himself? To make the readers feel what he felt? To validate his own emotions? 

Oba Yozo wasn't a good man. He drank and drank and wasted his precious life away. He mistreated women and only used them to satisfy his own needs. That part we all agree on. That's somewhat the part that most of booktok grasped from the whole three notebooks that recounted his life. They saw him as he saw himself. Nothing but trash. Nothing but an empty carcass. Something that is not human and that has never been human. Now here's what I think: I think that when read literature, it is not to judge someone's character and choose whoever's right and whoever's wrong. It is not to point fingers and "cancel" characters. The point of literature is to push us to analyse those characters, it makes us want to delve into their mind and dismantle their every thought and try to make sense of it all. And that is the beauty of it. 

Now let's go back to our man.

Yozo was very much human. His humanity resided in the fact that he was scared. He was deeply scared of how people would perceive him. It started when he was young and wondered about life and traditions and why his father was a sacred figure to him, how he was too afraid to disappoint him. It was the lack of communication and reassurance from his parents that helped nourish this social anxiety and pushed him to perfect his "people mask" only to be trapped by it to the point of believing that he is nothing, a mere monster without that mask. So he continued on with his people pleasing and took up drinking to escape the mental disorders that came with it. And that was his downfall.

There was a point where I looked for who I should blame for the way that he is. I was even inclined to diagnose him with sociopathy but I felt that it was unfair to do so. He was the result of his own thoughts and his environment. 

Although short, it took me a while to finish the book. I had to read it bit by bit to feel it all the way he did. It broke my heart many many times. It broke me when he prayed to God for one more moment of happiness, no matter how gut- wrenching the misery that will come after it. He believed that the bare minimum for someone to feel human is to be happy. Even for one moment. And the fact that he never felt happiness nor unhappiness deprived him from that title.

Did he really never feel happy? Or did he do whatever is in his power to be as far away from it out of fear? Out of fear of loss ? That the pain of losing said happiness would destroy him ? Then why did he pray to God in that way ? Was it because it was his last shred of fate that he was willing to offer up ? Was it his last chance at life ? 

And you know what destroyed my heart the most? It was how he ended up getting a taste of that happiness, and he lost it. And he felt that despair. And he lived on in misery.

Now what did I think of this book.

I thought it was brilliant. I loved how straight forward it was, how Yozo shared his deepest thoughts in the notebook and how it was given to us raw and untouched.

I also found traced of Dazai all over it. And not just because he was the author. But because it was very much like his life. It was all too similar to miss.

This book felt like a confession. It felt like despair and deep deep sadness. It felt like a memoir with a suicide note aftertaste. To think that it was Dazai's last book before he went to other side only confirms my feelings. 

All in all, it's one of my favourite books to date, it's been annotated and loved and cared for and I appreciate the person who gifted it to me.

[dekarios]

It makes me sad to see that the state of fandoms right now (gestures vaguely at all the fandoms...sigh) puts you off form feeling and sharing your enthusiasm and love for the games and media in general

because i absolutely love seeing you be very happy an enthusiastic about things!

its always a delight to read your opinions on things! no matter though its always so much fun when you share enthusiastically about your current interest and it fills the dash regardless! its so delightful to see it always because simply you are a delightful person!

wahhh thank youuuu T_T.........

i think i'm pretty lucky in that southern reach doesn't.. doesn't have a fandom. like, at all. it has fans, and we're all like navigating the space around each other and sometimes interacting for sure, but it's not a fandom AT ALLLLLL. which i really like. the media itself is so up for interpretation that there's absolutely no way fanon could even form, too, we celebrate this series with our different opinions, that's the beauty of it.

hell, someone on the subreddit made a post saying it feels like magic to them and that the crawlers sermon is a magic spell. i'd never even considered that before! fucking ace, i think, that someone could think about it so differently to me. and i know... tumblr fandom doesn't really like stuff like that, and kind of agrees on one thing together that becomes canon (fanon) and that's that....... it's very interesting.

and i think if i ever get into something big again (kinda scared i'll really like datv actually) i'm just gonna have to be the strongest bitch i have ever been and CURATE to a strong degree....... so please don't nobody i like put terrible things on my dash and engage in the drama because i don't want to have to take you out back and put you out of your misery (unfollow you) but i will... i will..... i gotta . for my sanity

it is kinda funny that you say 'right now' though because i don't think it's ever changed much. a big fandom is a shit fandom no matter what, i think? like i was huge in the dragon age fandom before dai came out, i was an alistair blog.. pretty good times.. i also really liked fenris...... i............ i liked fenders a lot....... i don't really retain that part but i still like alistair and fenris hehe, and the fandom sucked SO BAD especially coming up to dai release that i DROPPED it, i didn't even play dai for YEARS and then i didn't finish it UNTIL JUST BEFORE BG3............... the fandom Killed it for me, lowkey doing it now for datv too, just........ ough. i was also in the supernatural fandom we don't talk about that.

but man i think the art of fandom is finding like. a few people, maximum like 10 people, who are normal but unhinged but ultimately normal, who u can create a tiny pocket with, a mini fandom if you will, that emulates media with no fandom at all.... BASICALLY JUST FRIENDS BEING FRIENDS WHO LIKE THE SAME THING. beautiful in its simplicity.................... that's what i need and want for me......... tried my hand at fandom again with bg3 after years and years out of it and yeah. i am not a fandom person. i am unhinged in the dms with my friends person. and that's ok

I WILL TRY TO STILL BE EXCITED ON THE DASH THOUGH because i am a yapper. which is funny cuz i'm not. idk if you know but i'm semi nonverbal irl, i can go weeks without uttering a single sound, but online i do not shut up. maybe it's a counter. maybe i don't shut up here cuz i can't talk irl. maybe. fascinating, that. someone should study me. in a gay way. anyway

THANK U FOR BEING NICE IDK WHY I RAMBLED SO MUCH???????????????????? my chronic pain doesnt exist rn (i'm lying i'm getting sore which is why i'm shutting up) and my broken finger feels pretty good so typing a lot feels pretty great ... thank u for being nice to meeeeeeeeeeeeee

[str1v1ng4z3r0]

Thoughts of the day:

I can do this, just need to get back on it!! 💪🏼

Omg I’m sooo tired 😭

Wait, why are we understaffed again?! Oh no, this is gonna be an awful day… 😩

I’m so hungry… 😖

Oh fvck, how am I gonna get out of eating lunch with the pupils?!

Oh yay, stuck in a telephone meeting with a parent during lunch time, how fortunate!!

Riiiiight… that only helps if you don’t eat that stupid lunch alone afterwards… you dumb a$$ 😒🤦🏻‍♀️

Well, I’m gonna have to stick to my already pre measured snacks throughout the rest of the day.

Wow… how is it even possible to do this job without going crazy?! They all have a million different needs and everyone needs help all the flipping time. Istg if I got a penny for evergtime someone mentions my name in a day… I’d be a billionaire before lunch 🙃

FINALLY!! It’s 2pm and all my classes are done!! Let’s plan some lessons! But oh I’m so tired… please let me sleep some first. I don’t have time?? Oh right, there is no time for my own needs, oops I forgot, sorry, my bad! 🫣

Just found out both my coworkers have doctors appointments tomorrow so I’m left all alone with all 34 pupils… great! Now I have to replan all my classes and figure out what I do if my pupil with anxiety freaks out or another pupil decides to run away as usual (rn we have 3 runners and 2 with anxiety)… but never mind me I’ll just here to solve it all… brb, just buying myself a casket 🤯

It’s 5.20pm… if I don’t leave now I’ll be late for yoga class. RUN!! Oh wait, there’s candy??!! I’m just gonna have one (has like 20??!!) 😰

Why did I eat that???!!!! You’re SO stupid!! And gross!! And f4t!!!! And disgust1ng!!! Ewww…!

(5min later, found more snacks in my car… apparently I hadn’t understood the point of previous thought??!!) YOU SUCK!!! You suck you suck you suck!! So worthl3ss!!! 🤬

Finally at yoga class! Namaste 🙏🏼 wait… why can’t I focus? Stop thinking about work!! You’re here for yourself!!

Two hours later: Finally relaxed!! Tg for yoga 😮‍💨

Oh wait… I’m relaxed… AND… focused!! But focused on being… what? What am I? 💥 BOOM!! 💥 Suddenly I’m HYPER 😓

And apparently my adhd brain combines hyper with *dum dum dum* IMPULSIVENESS!!! Let’s go buy TWO(?!?!) snacks!!!

I shouldn’t have eaten that… I hate myself.

Wow, I’m soooo hyper now… how th am I gonna sleep? It’s 11.32, I’m never gonna get enough sleep 😫😭🤯

I need something crispy!! (Eats something crispy)

I need something sour!! (Has something sour)

I need something crispy again!! (Has something crispy again)

I need to watch tv!! (Streams something very exciting, gets even more hyper but also somehow tired because my sleeping meds have finally started to kick in).

Final thought; maybe I should write down my thoughts and share them on tumblr because… well because why not?!?!

Ooooh final final though; who the HELL is gonna care??!! No one’s even gonna bother reading this. You’re only gonna read it yourself and dwell in your own misery.

Ooooh last one: did you ever hear Misery business by Paramore??! I LOVE that song so bad!

Okay byyyyyye <3