#please please please dont pull a Nathan on me

[decadentwerewolfstrawberry]

Not me just now realizing the possibility that Adam and Loena might retire after the olympics in 2026

[recklesssturniolo]

Can you post the Nate story tonight?

Dinner - N.D

Dom!Nate, reader & him are dating, public sex (ig??? I dont know bathroom in public)

NSFW below, leave if you’re a minor

Nate, a couple of his and the triplets friends and I were all out for dinner. It was a decently fancy restaurant so I had chose a nice red dress, Nate dressed in a black dress top and black dress pants. Nate in all black would never not get to me, something about it just sent me every time.

As we get seated and everyone starts looking over the menus, Nick starts asking everyone what they’re thinking of ordering, but I feel Nate place his hand on my thigh. I snap my head to look at him, giving him a warning look, all I get back in return is a smirk.

“Y/N what’re you thinking you’re gonna have?” Nick asks me.

“Oh I’m pretty sure I’m - I’m uh gonna get the Alfredo” I reply, hoping desperately no one thought my stutter was a big deal. Nate had apparently decided it’d be a good idea to move his hand not other further up my thigh, but further inwards as I was speaking.

Everyone makes casual conversation, Nate and I both joining in. I freeze when I feel Nate’s hand move further, putting two fingers directly on my clothed pussy.

“Wet already?” He whispered in my ear.

“Nathan come on this isn’t fair” I whisper back, him once again smirking in response.

“Oh yeah I think Y/N’s been there right?” Chris speaks up.

Hearing my name snaps me out of my thoughts of the want I had for Nate. For his fingers to be inside me, to hear him groaning as he pounds into me.

“I’ve been multiple times! It’s a beautiful place you just - uh you like - “ Cutting myself off mid sentence as Nate starts moving his fingers in circles over my clit.

“Are you alright?” Chris asks.

“Yeah sorry, just not feeling super great but nothing to worry about” I smile back before turning to Nate and glaring at him.

The conversation continues as our food is brought out, however, Nate trailing his fingers lower and slipping one into my pussy caused me to gasp.

Everyone turned to look at me, Nate continued pushing his finger in and out of me, going as far as to add a second. How the fuck was I supposed to speak when he had me like this?

“Shit uh sorry I just think I need to use the bathroom, I’ll be back” I mumble, a blush rising to my cheeks.

Getting to the bathroom and locking the door, my pussy throbbing as I looked at myself in the mirror, the lack of sensation only causing me to grow frustrated.

“Open the door” I hear, knowing by the voice it was Nate.

I open it, my arms crossed and a glare present on my face. I don’t get a chance to speak before Nate lifts me up and places me on the bathroom counter.

“You liked that eh? My fingers inside you even though there were people around?” He smirks.

“Couldn’t help it, it felt so good” I mumble, grabbing his waist to pull him closer to me, smashing our lips together.

“Needy slut” He mumbles through the kiss.

“Nate we have to be fast” I groan out. Knowing it was true, also just not wanting to wait any longer for him.

“Turn around, bend over and face the mirror” He demands, “You’re gonna watch me fuck you”

I was taken by surprise but did as he said, pulling my dress up over my hips as I did. He slaps my ass, causing me to yelp before swiping my folds with his fingers.

“Fucking soaked. Such a little whore” He says, unbutton his pants and letting the drop to the floor.

“Please” I whimper.

“Please what baby? Use your words” He replies.

“Fuck me, please I need you” I say.

Smacking my ass before lining himself up with my entrance, his hand makes its way around my throat.

“Keep looking in the mirror, look away and I squeeze tighter and stop? Got it?” He instructs.

“Yes - I - yes I won’t look away” I whine out, moving my ass backwards, trying to get him inside of me.

“Such a whore, fucking trying anything for my dick to be inside you” He smirks.

We make eye contact through the mirror before he pushes himself into me. A moan escaping my lips, watching his jaw drop slightly as I watched in the mirror.

“Mph fuck Nate, feels so good” I moan.

“Such a pretty slut, you take me so well” He responds, his hand still around my throat.

Picking up his pace, without thinking I drop my head down as a whimper falls from my mouth. Instantly I feel his grip tighten around my neck, “Fucking look in the mirror”

I mumble a sorry before bringing my head back up, watching how his muscles flex as he slams into me and the groans escaping from his mouth.

“Look at yourself, you see how much of a slut you are? Letting me fuck you like this in a public bathroom?” He groans, and slapping my ass.

“My god- yes fuck I see” I whine, feeling a knot in my stomach form as he repeatedly hits my g-spot.

“Are you gonna come on my dick, fuck I can feel you clenching already” He groans, now removing his hand from my throat and placing it on my hip to slam into me harder.

“Yes I’m - fuck Nate I’m going to - I’m coming don’t stop please” I moan, not taking into consideration how loud I was being. Nate lifting my chin up, silently reminding me to look into the mirror.

“Such a good girl, you see how pretty you look coming for me?” He smirks.

I nod but as he continues his fast pace I can’t help but whimper, “Too sensitive Nate I can’t take it”

“Yes you can, just a bit longer and I’ll fill you with my come. You can take it” He groans back.

Whimpers fall from my lips, my legs shaking as he doesn’t slow him pace down by any means, but soon feel his dick twitch inside of me and watch as his eyes clench shut and he throws his head back.

“Fuck you’re tight, coming in you feels so good” He groans out, his voice now raspy.

He pulls out, turns me around and kisses me before saying, “I knew I was fucking you the second you got into the car wearing that dress”

“Oh but I’m the needy one?” I smirk back.

“You do realize I just had you begging and a whimpering mess right? I’d watch what you’re saying” He returns.

I roll my eyes, and start cleaning myself up, Nate fixing his outfit as I pulled my dress my down.

“What are we supposed to tell them?” I ask, now worried about his friends catching onto us.

“Just say you threw up or something” He shrugs.

We walk back to the table and immediately Chris narrows his eyes at us, “You freaky fucks”

TAGLIST: @sturnphilia @thatonekid536 @cupidsword @loveesiren @daddyslilchickenfingers @christinarowie332 @ilovemattsturn @mattenthusiast @its-jennarose @lxvlysworld @lovingsturniolo @iwantmattsobad @secret-sturniolo @mattsd0ll

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

Bestie its me ur fave Nathan Bateman defender 💅💅 can I request anything Nathan? Like free range bestie (ik for some authors it's a hassle to be requested something with no info but its ok if u dont) like go crazy with him. Just need more Nathan content ❤️❤️ ily and thank you bestie 🤸‍♀️

ANYTHING NATHAN? YOU GOT IT. (I'm so sorry what is this? What have I written? Help.) ILYSM❤️

Nathan Bateman x F!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | request info

Summary: Nathan's a pretty heavy sleeper.

A/N: Nathan and Reader are already in a relationship.

Warnings: somnophilia, I'm gonna say dub con because Nathan is asleep and it is only vagely hinted at that the consent has been previously established, blow job, fingering, swearing, typos, overuse of italics, railroad sentences, please let me know if I've missed a warning.

Word Count: 991

________________________________

While you weren’t sure what time Nathan went to bed last night, or what time it was now (other than early morning), but, you did know that he had decided to sleep in your bed. Not his. 

His beard was tickling your shoulder, his gentle and even breaths warming your back. 

One arm was slung over your waist while the other, in classic Nathan fashion, was pressed against the headboard at an angle you would have assumed was uncomfortable. 

You needed to stretch. And, despite the comfort of waking up in his embrace, he was oldly warm. A human furnace. How he wasn’t sweating astounded you.

It seemed impossible that someone that slept naked could produce so much heat. 

Carefully, you wiggled out from underneath his arm. Trying your best not to wake him or jostle the bed too much. 

You were nearly home free, out without being a disturbance, when somehow you caught Nathan just as he was moving in his sleep. 

A sigh escaped your lips, ready for a Textbook Nathan grumble. But it never came. 

He had just moved with the push and was now sleeping soundly flat on his back, part of the bedcovers twisted around his calf.

Huh. 

Seemed like he was a heavy sleeper. 

He must have come to bed late. 

You chewed at your bottom lip as a wicked thought started to grow in your mind. 

He looked so peaceful, innocent even. If such a word could ever be used to describe Nathan. Especially since he had a habit of grooming his public hair into ridiculous shapes. Something you were sure he only really started doing to amuse you. Currently it was a heart. 

Perhaps it was time for a little revenge for all the times he woke you up at 2am with his face between your legs. 

Languidly you moved a little closer, running the tip of your forefinger up the length of his dick. Just to judge the reaction, see how heavy of a sleeper he really was.

Nathan’s breathing didn’t even change. 

You grinned. 

Still keeping your eyes on his face to watch for any signs of waking, you laid down on your stomach, propping yourself up on your elbows and leaning over to suck the tip of his cock into your mouth.

Nothing. 

You moved your body closer, risking leaning partially on his thigh and hip, as you licked up the length of him, swirling your tongue around the head and teasing his slit. 

His cock jumped under your attention, quickly hardening as Nathan’s breathing hitched ever so slightly. The rise and fall of his chest increasing even as his eyes stayed closed. 

You pumped him a few times, smearing your saliva along the thick length of him as a smile pulled on your lips. 

While you missed Nathan’s moans and grunts of pleasure, there was something satisfying about having him at your mercy. 

You took him into your mouth again, bobbing up and down slowly, trying to let him get deeper each time. 

Usually Nathan’s bucking hips (even when he tried not to) made it difficult to deepthroat him, his size alone was enough to make the activity strenuous. And you’d never quite been able to manage it without gagging. 

Now however, without his instant squirming you found that you were able to take him deeper than you had before, relaxing your throat as best you could and swallowing around him. 

You hummed, getting a little carried away as your own arousal started to burn between your legs.

The idea of maybe being able to take all of him in your mouth made you a little lightheaded, forced you to rub your legs together to just take the edge off. 

You picked up the pace, moving up and down, still managing to swallow a little more each time.

His cock was hot and heavy in your mouth, the girth made your jaw throb but you didn’t care as you continued to take him deeper.

Finally you couldn’t ignore the ache between your legs any longer, and you slid one hand down, under your pyjama bottoms for some relief. 

Nathan’s breathing had increased exponentially. Small huff of air, and little whispered moans escaping his lips as he still stayed inexplicably asleep. 

Part of you wondered what he was dreaming about. 

You circled your clit, Nathan’s little groans of pleasure driving you wild as you filled your mouth with his cock. 

You were nearly there, almost at the base, just another few centimetres and you could bury your face into the neatly trimmed curls between his legs.

“Fuuuck,” Nathan hissed between his teeth, gasping as he woke up fully to the sight of you. “Oh god, baby,” he whined, stretching back for a moment to try to stop himself from thrusting upwards, “taking me so deep.” 

He groaned obscenely. Trying to get himself under control by sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, anything to distract himself from the warmth of your mouth. 

That was when he noticed your hand down the front of your pyjamas. 

And he lost it. 

He moaned loudly, grabbing hold of your shoulder, trying to warn you. But it was too late. He came hard, unable to control the mindless bucking of his hips as he filled your mouth and throat. 

The timing, thankfully, had just been right. You had been breathing out as he came and managed to not choke to death on his release. 

He gasped as you kept sucking, milking him for every last drop he could give, before pulling away and grinning. 

“Good morning.” You smiled.

“Good fucking morning.” He breathed, laying back heavily against the bed. 

You chuckled. 

He sat up a little to look at you. “What time is it?” 

You shook your head, “I’m not sure, I-”

“It’s pussy eating time, that’s what it is.” He growled as he pounced on you, smothering you with kisses as you laughed. 

____________________________________ 

Thank you for reading!

Taglist: @pleasurebuttonwrites @raven-rk @campingwiththecharmings @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @cocodiem @oscarisaacsspit @mbakubabe @whatthefishh @romanarose @pimosworld @saturn-rings-writes @boredzillenial

If you'd like to be taken off the tag list please let me know here

[unlimitedhorsepower]

having some of the worst times of my life ever and im scared things could get worse... how? well you see. they might create more tnb some day even after all of this.

after massacring my boy ryan like that live on screen... smack cam... removing any of ryans narrative worth or meaning just to have him show up and be cringe which i did enjoy but for real guys. my friends. if they had just had everyone do something random and lackluster it wouldve been fine but ryan showed up to drive the plot and continue his character arc from the rising (and then he didnt, as a joke).

karinas lack of real character arc (AGAIN!) so that she can uhhhh talk about crushes... instead of, for example, have her be an equal hero on-screen to the guys who have already been king of heroes and she works arguably harder than anyone else (she is a hero, an idol, and a student). shes so interesting, theres so much to her! but most of her appearances just serve to further some guys character arc (like the whole blue golden episode is mostly about ryan!.. or kotetsu even! cmon)

the character arc that antonio got that wholly ignored that hes friends with nathan and which makes me actually lose my mind when i think that those two have frequently been shown together but they didnt have a single convo together so that nathan and keith can be confined to a cage where theyre only interacting with each other instead of having any real plot relevance despite them both being really interesting!..

and the fact that antonio/agnes made its way into the show bc the director likes him and you know... agnes was her stand-in, and another reason to not let nathan talk with antonio ever because yknow?.. it just tastes like ash in my mouth to feel like the director felt some type of way about nathans and antonios prior relationship...

the buddy hero system was utilized so poorly! it threw so many characters under the bus like ryan seriously got way too much time in blue golden and their prior relationships with each other were ignored so much like man... i just love them all interacting. i dont love whatever the hell was going on with, for example, nobody noticing that thomas is gone. my heroes wouldve noticed immediately btw. instead of subaru and thomas being in a cage where they only interacted with each other, the buddy hero pair curse of 2nd cour that almost everyone suffered from

lets not even get into that even if they say that yuri is actually fine haha! they cant remove that scene where kotetsu and barnaby stared at him and went like “hmm thats rough buddy... anyway”. what the hell... kotetsu is one of the characters i think of the least and it was just so grossly OOC and just plain disgusting... the entire abuse apologism arc with yuri and lara overall as well

what about that fucking scene with jungle where they implied shady shit was going on when subarus communicator didnt go off and he was recruited as a double for thomas anyways and uhhh (checks notes) literally nothing came out of those plot threads btw. jungle CEO was introduced for no reason

and they cant remove what they did to ouroboros (the way they made it all-powerful illuminati-esque organization instead of plain old corruption etc), and the whole NEXT disease ooohhh-thing, and the literal internment camps and the various deeply bigoted implications thereof plus lackluster new character designs (oops! almost all white, pale-haired and blue/green-eyed).

how could they bounce back from this and do i even want to see them try to ignore OR try to grapple with any of the above. oooh when i get my hands on the people who were in the writers room...............

cant they just please retcon that my favourite character fucking exploded to ten thousand small pieces. excited for scraps of my fav characters like usual but then?.. its also like spitting in my face after all the shit they pulled. put me out of my misery

[happer08]

Idk if you take requests for writing But if you do could you write a fic with Nate where the reader is in a depressive episode and leads to a panic attack & after Nate doesn’t let them out of arms reach 

I absolutely do take requests. sorry if you are going through something honey, you need anything please reach out im always free to talk or listen ❤️

nate knew about your struggles with your mental health, you always worried it would make him hate you or want to leave you but in fact it did the opposite. nate thought you were strong (because you are) and he loved you so much for trying your best.

his schedule made things hard and on one of the longer roadtrips of the year you slipped into an episode. not leaving your bed much, or at all, and just answering a few text here and there when nate texted. he was busy and they didnt come often but you did your best to respond. nate knew there was something wrong, his sixth sense really. he knew getting home was the most important thing for him after his games. and that was exactly what he did despite some plans the guys made for after they landed.

though he expected you to be in bed when he got home he didnt expect you to be sobbing and shaking, in the middle of one of the worst panic attacks he'd ever seen you have. dropping his stuff by the door nate crawled into bed next to you holding you upright leaning you against his shoulder encouraging you to breath.

nate rocked you back and forth muttering more about taking a deep breath and continuing to tell you here was there and it was all okay. it took a while, but nate calmed you down and just held you while your breathing slowly evened out. he gently rubbed you back trying to set some sort of pattern for youto focus on.

"need a shower" you choked out. "i'll go get it warmed up and we can take one together" he suggested pressing his warm soft lips to your temple. “why dont you come with me honey?” nate pulled you out of bed and kept his warm hand on the small of your back as he led you toward the dark bathroom. he knew the lights would be assaulting so instead he lit the candle sitting on the back of the toilet before turning on the shower. 

having nates naked warm body pressed to yours was calming, his lips pushed down on your shoulder a few times making sure he never pulled away enough to stop touching you. something he knew for a fact you needed. after the shower nate wrapped you in the softest fluffiest towel in his apartment and took you back to the bedroom. 

the next few days were slow, and comfortable. nate did everything he could to keep you close, keep and hand on you and make sure you were okay. the longer he was around the more you felt like yourself, his soft smile slowly grew seeing you feeling more yourself and after a few days you felt almost normal. 

“nathan i love you more than anything you know that?” 

“sweetheart, you are everything to me” 

[fanf1ctionwrit1n]

I didn’t do it

Warning: Swearing

Paring: Gibbs x reader, nephew!Peter Parker x reader

A/n: Thank you @sade-shark for the idea, and letting me write it!

“Stupid Avengers.” Gibbs muttered, paying close attention to the news. The Avengers had solved yet another problem, but sadly taking a few lives in the process. He was standing up by the screen in the office, which for once, you both arrived early to. Normally Jethro got up an hour before you, but today, you both went.

“Baby, give them a chance.” You stated.

“No, they're taking jobs. We already have police, we don’t need them.” You got up from your desk, and stood next to him.

“They do jobs we,” you gestured between you two, “Can’t do ourselves. We investigate murders of Marines and Navy, they go and fight aliens and whatnot.”

“We have a dead Marine out in New York at Midtown High School, grab your gear.” Gibbs stated, grabbing his badge and gun.

“Midtown?” You asked, grabbing your gear.

“Yeah, why?” Gibbs questioned.

“No reason.” You stated.

Arriving at the scene, you were presented with the dead Marine.

“Lance Corporal Nathan Daniels. Currently stationed at Quantico, lives alone.” McGee stated.

“Any suspects?” Gibbs asked.

“One.” Ziva stated.

“Y/n, go talk to them, get anything you can from them.” Gibbs stated. You nodded before heading over to Tony who was currently talking with the suspect.

“I told you, I don’t remember anything!” The suspect said. The voice seemed familiar but you couldn’t quite place it.

“Then why are you raising your voice?” Tony questioned. That was when you saw who he was talking to, “Peter?”

“Aunt y/n!”

“Aunt y/n… huh.” Tony said

“Yeah, uh, surprise?”

“Does Gibbs know?”

“No, and please dont tell him. He’ll take me off the case, he'll say I'm too close. That my opinions are gonna get in the way.”

“Okay, but one question first.”

“Yeah?”

“Aren’t you an only child?”

“Um, no. I only say that because well, siblings are a little bit of a sensitive topic for me. Peter’s parents, my sister and brother-in-law, died. Peter went to live with May because I wasn’t at a place in my life to raise a kid. I had just joined ncis, and having a kid just wasn’t something I could handle. May offered to raise him since neither of us wanted to give him up. I was only 23 then, now I’m 42.”

“So are you saying that now you could raise a child?”

“I’m saying that I’m in a stable relationship, and if I had to make the decision now, it wouldn't be a problem.”

“You’re in a relationship?”

“Maybe you should be asking Peter the questions instead of me?”

“It has to be him, he had the victim’s blood on his hands, and he was the only one seen with the victim before his death.” Gibbs stated.

“He’s a teenager, you'd really think he'd kill somebody? I mean who says it's him?” You asked, looking for some form of hope.

“Evidence says it’s him.” Tim chimed in.

“It’s not him.” You said bluntly.

“How do you know? Everything points to him.” Gibbs stated.

“He’s an Avenger, why would he ever kill anyone when all he wants to do is save people?!” You shouted.

“That means nothing! You saw on the news this morning how many lives were lost when they tried to ‘save’ people!” Gibbs yelled back.

“Jethro, he’s my fucking nephew, he’d never even kill a fucking spider!” You yelled, before grabbing your bag and heading for the elevator.

You glanced at the oven clock, 9:30, and still no Jethro. Was the case just running late? Was he working late? Was he working late to avoid you? The sound of the door opening pulled you from your thoughts.

“Babe?” Jethro called out, closing the door behind him. You rushed over to pull him into a hug, “I’m sorry for yelling earlier.” You said.

“You’re fine. It’s understandable, but why didn’t you tell me he was your nephew?” He questioned, his hand rubbing up and down your back. You pulled out the hug before continuing, “You pull me off the case. You’d say I’m too close to work the case without my opinions getting in the way.”

Jethro walked over to the couch and sat down, patting the spot next to him, inviting you to join him. Taking his invitation, you sat down next to him, cuddling up close.

“Is he being charged?” You asked, terrified for the answer.

“No, he was innocent. You were right. He was actually trying to save the Lance Corporal, and he was able to help us catch the killer. You’d be proud.”

“I am. Each and every day.” You stopped, debating on if you should ask or not, “Are you mad at me?”

“What?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No I heard you, just- why would I be mad?”

“Cause of our argument earlier.”

“I’m not mad. I’m actually proud. Y’know, you’re one of the very few people who’ve argued with me when I didn’t agree with their idea.”

“It won’t happen again.”

“No, babe, I don’t care if you yell at me because y’know what?” You looked up at him, “at the end of the day, I still love you, you still love me, and I get to sleep next to you, knowing everything I need is right here.”

You sat up to kiss him, only to be interrupted by your phone ringing. You groaned before answering, “What do you want Tony?”

“Gibbs? Seriously?”

“Yes. Now goodbye.” You hung up, getting a slight chuckle from Jethro.

“Now, how about we get some sleep?” You suggested.

“I like the idea of that.”

Marvel: @arethosepotatoes

Ncis: @simpforcrimeshows @nerdyfangirl67

Gibbs: @hotch-meeeeeuppppp

All: @sade-shark

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Slip Up

Gif credit by me.

Requested by anon. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for the request.

"Nate, can you please clean up your shit". You yell from the bathroom, his clothes were slung everywhere but the clothes basket where they're supposed to be. "I dont understand why you cant go three inches to the left and put them in the basket". You grumble.

"What's going on"? Nate yawned as he leaned on the door frame.

"Clothes! They go here not on the floor or on the sink. Here". You pick up the basket and shove it to him.

"Alright. Calm down. It's just clothes". Nate scoffed as he leaned down to pick them up.

"Nick, I've had". The look on Nates face made you clamp your hand over your mouth. Whoops.

"What did you just fucking call me"? Nate growled, dropping his clothes back on the floor.

"I'm sorry. It just slipped. Nick and I use to argue all the time. I guess it just brought back memories. I'm so sorry, Nathan".

"You just called me your ex's name that happens to be my brother. Maybe it was a bad idea for us to get together". Nate huffed and left the room.

How could you let yourself slip? You and Nick only went out for a short period and you mean short, you broke up and thought it was just better as friends. But you and Nate were different, you've been together for two and a half years. You loved Nate more than anything. He was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. But this slip up could cost you everything.

"Nate"? You whispered as you came into the bedroom. Nate was sitting on the edge of the bed, playing with his hat.

"Yeah"? Nate cleared his throat.

"I'm really sorry. It'll never happen again. I promise. Can you forgive me"? You wiped away a tear as you got on your knees in front of him. Your hands rested on his knees.

"I know you didnt mean it. Slip ups happen. I just, I wish that I would've gotten the chance to meet you before my brother did. Cause I dont want to second to him". Nate wiped his nose.

"Second? Nate, you are my first everything. There are no seconds or thirds. Just you, no one else matters. Cause if that was the case I would be fiftieth on Nick's list and what hundredth on yours"? You laugh jokingly.

"Nah, you're my first. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't make a big deal out of it. I know you're with me and you and Nick are just friends. But I feel like maybe you still love him if he's still in your memory".

"Babe, the only memory that was brought up was him and I arguing. That says a lot about our short lived romance. What you and I have is real. I love you and I would do anything to make you see that".

"I love you too, what happened when you two argued"?

"I left and he cleaned. I guess he figured it would make me better".

"We're going to be different. After every fight, argument or disagreement. No one leaves mad, we solve it and make up. Alright? I dont want to stay mad at each other".

"Sounds good to me. Now since we had our argument and we solved it now how do we make up"? You crossed your arms over Nates knees and laid your chin down, looking up at him.

"I got an idea". He grabbed your face and smashed his lips to yours.

"I like this kind of making up". You mumbled against his lips as you stood up. You straddled his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck, never breaking the kiss.

Nates hands settled on your hips, guiding then as you grinded on his lap.

You pushed Nate back onto the bed and raked your fingernails down his clothed chest. "This needs to go". You pushed up his shirt, over his arms and threw it somewhere in the room. You kissed down his chest and playfully bit his nipple with a giggle.

Nate slapped your clothed ass, making you squeal and continue down his chest, leaving butterfly kissed to his warm skin.

Getting up from his lap you stood between his legs and un buckled his belt, unzipped his pants and snaked your hand down his underwear.

"Someone else is loving this making up too". You moan, pulling him from his underwear.

"Fuck". Nate grunted, as your mouth engulfed his tip, your tongue swirling around the very tip.

Your head bobbed up and down as you took him down your throat inch by inch. Your hand working his shaft.

"So fucking sexy". Nate bit his lip as he looked down at you. He loved when you sucked him off, you on your knees made him weak in his.

"Mmmmm, Nathan. You taste so good". You pant as you release his cock from your mouth. Taking your tongue you flicked your way up and down his length.

"Get your ass up here". Nate ordered, he couldnt take it anymore and need to get inside you.

"Yes, sir". You climb up his body and kiss Nate sloppy. Your tongues dancing as Nate squeezed your ass. He flipped you over on your back, now it was his turn. He was going to make sure you knew his name. You'd be screaming all night.

[sourbat]

Hammertooth 43!

pool

Why I can’t have these two act normal in a darn pool?

With permission from Abigail, Magnus was allotted a brief visit during the holiday, and granted permission to enter some of the more obscure rooms in Mordhaus, albeit with Toki and at least two other klokateers to accompany him. With winter quickly approaching, it was only natural Toki would want to show off the many privileges affronted to a member of Dethklok, and took him past the sauna, to the neighboring indoor pool with its heated flooring, tanning corner and blood-red jacuzzi.

Unfortunately, Abigail failed to bring this up with the rest of Dethklok, and once Nathan mentioned the desire to take a swim, the band quickly followed suit. It was supposed to be a day of fun filled pool shenanigans, but then Nathan swung open the doubled doors, and the band was welcomed to the less than pleasing sight of Magnus and Toki at the edge of the pool, locked in a suggestive embrace. Murderface coughed loudly as the band made their entrance, alerting the two of their presence. Skwisgaar averted staring at the two as they sank deeper into the temperature controlled water before effectively parting. From there, a silent agreement was arranged between the two groups, with each keeping to their respective sides for as long as possible, and engaging in as little intermingling as possible.

The terms of agreement proved far more difficult than imagined. 

Nathan wanted to do laps, but Toki achieved the impossible and had Magnus floating besides him, dipping into the warm waters to swim after a playful splash or jettison of water spewed from his clenched palms. Their pattern, though limited to one side of the pool, was so random and distracting, and the acoustics made every laugh, squeal and giggle more grating on the mind. A few splashes from Magnus hitting Nathan’s cheek was all it took for him to recline further into the deeper side of the pool, sink and angrily mull over the entire situation.

Pickles drank. He had planned to drink anyways, but figured he’d at least get a few minutes of exercise in, maybe challenge Nate and the guys to some water freeze tag, but was sure he saw someone���s hands in the other guy’s swim trunks, and wasn’t willing to take the risk. He huddled under a UV lamp, letting Klokateers fan and turn him around every few minutes to slow the unavoidable burn, only glancing in the direction of the pool whenever he heard Toki cry. His empathy was rewarded with the unsightly image of Magnus snatching Toki in the shallow water, legs kicking up and creating a massive wet scene. A second yielded Toki being pulled into the water, only to come up again with Magnus in his arms. By the third, Pickles figured he could get by if Toki actually did drown because watching Toki part Magnus’ sopping hair from his face, only to have a short jet of water spat at him, was the goddamn dumbest shit ever.

Skwisgaar and Murderface took to the jacuzzi, which was farthest from the two, and made the occasional glance rare, though both did pick up on the occasional gross remark about who looked best “soaked.” 

Then the two grew bored of swimming.

“Come on, Magnus!” Toki complained, yanking Magnus from the water.

“Finally, I shought they’d never leave,” Murderface muttered under a hushed voice.

“Goods, now we cans swims without seeinks them all overs each others.”

The two eyed the deep end, spotted Nathan at the very bottom of the lapping water, and left the jacuzzi to meet with him. After wiping the red dye off their legs, the two headed to their side of the pool and signaled for Nathan to resurface. As he did, Toki led Magnus closer to where Pickles was situated. The three eyed the ensuing scene, thankful that Pickles was either too drunk or asleep to give a damn about the two, but still curious to see what Toki had in store for the older man. Magnus had never been one to easily slip into a public pool, and now Toki had him under the world’s fanciest and largest tanning bed.

“Come on, gets a load of this,” Toki said, skipping ahead of Magnus to snatch up a klokateer with towels, another holding a tray of fancy looking bottles. 

“Careful,” Magnus called after him. “I don’t want you slipping.” 

“Will be fines!”

Magnus caught up and took him by the hand. “Toke, slow down.”

Skwisgaar’s jaw slacked. “Dids he just–”

Murderface slammed a calm against his head. “Toke?” 

Nathan said nothing. It was less the unoriginal nickname that bothered him, and more the way Magnus had said it. The guy sounded so… concerned.

Their shared distress and the ensuing drop in volume meant the three couldn’t pick up on whatever was shared next, but eventually the two found a spot a few chairs away from a roasting Pickles. Murderface made sure to remind the others that Toki and Magnus’ hands remained locked the duration of the walk, to which both Nathan and Skwisgaar grunted a reply.

“Here, relax over heres!” Toki proclaimed, leading them to a few chairs situated under the fluorescent UV lighting. He gestured to some standing klokateers

Toki placed a towel on the seat and, with an exaggerated gesture, offered it to Magnus. “Fors you,” he said, face brightening with red that all three could detect from the edge of the pool.

“Why, thank you,” Magnus said, chuckling as he sat himself down.

“No problems.” Toki hovered over him, made a single glance at the klokateer who carried the tray of bottles, and called him over. Toki surveyed the containers of oils and lotions, picked the one that smelled the sweetest, then ordered that the lights underneath him and Magnus be brought down a “levels or twos.” 

Toki knelt over Magnus. “Turns around,” he said, resting a hand on the man’s chest.

“Mhmm.”

Nathan’s eyes slowly went agape as Magnus rested on his stomach, back exposed to the hot glow above. And then to his, Skwisgaar and Murderface’s horror, Toki carefully situated himself down on that very same seat Magnus occupied.

“No fucking way,” Nathan muttered. 

There was no way Toki was going to oil Magnus Hammersmith’s back.

But Toki continued to adjust himself on the lounge chair, hoisting one of his slender legs over Magnus and crawling up the man’s contours before settling on top of his upper thighs. Magnus emitted a soft groan, one only Toki could register, but the shudder of his legs was visible to their distant onlookers.

“Thinks they ams still watchins,” Toki muttered as he pressed his palms into the curve of Magnus’ lower back.

Another groan, this one detectable by the band. Even Pickles stirred in his seat.

“So?” Magnus grunted through an exhale. “They’re fucking adults.”

“No swearins.”

“Sorry.” Magnus sighed another complaint as Toki’s thumbs pressed into his spin. “Just ignore them… or, y’know, look ‘em straight in the eyes when they do.”

“Okays.” Satisfied, Toki picked up the bottle. “Lets me know if ams being roughs.”

Magnus opened his eyes, turned his head as far as he could, and just barely caught the three musicians ogling them. He snickered. “What was the safety word again? Cinnamon?” 

That woke Pickles up from his sleep.   

The words sent a haunting shiver down the backs of each member. Murderface made another cough, louder this time, but Toki had already uncorked the bottle and was pouring a healthy glob of scented essential oils into his cupped palm. Nathan brought a hand to cover his mouth when Toki leaned forward, back arching and rear coming to a rise as he applied a healthy coating all over Magnus’ back. Toki rolled his thumbs into Magnus’ back, warming the oil with his hands the constant heat supplied above, and it wasn’t long before all three heard what was undeniably the sound of Magnus moaning. Skwisgaar snapped a finger, calling forward a klokateer holding his guitar. He kept his eyes steady on the strings, refusing to rise and witness the affectionate scene unfolding before him. 

“You ams very tight. Need to relax mores,” Toki said, bringing his hands up Magnus’ back.

 “I can think of a few ideas.” 

A finger pressed into a knot, and Magnus gasped a sharp sigh.

Pickles turned on his side, wincing through tight, burned skin, and caught Toki providing Magnus one of the most sensual massages an idiot like Toki could manage. He lowered his glasses, mouth parting wide at Magnus’ toes curling inwards right as Toki pushed his weight into a particularly stiff muscle. Then came the dreaded, needy whine, and Toki stopped to whisper something low that Pickles could not hear, but definitely witnessed with less than subtle body language that Toki just happened to accidentally show off as he reclined. 

The three caught Pickles’ mortified expression and turned to one another. 

Murderface glanced at the exit. “Maybe we should…”

“Leave?” Nathan stated, eyes glued to Toki working Magnus’ tight shoulder. Another audible hiss from Magnus sent a troubling sensation down his stomach.  “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

Still strumming his guitar, Skwisgaar nervously looked over to the other side of the pool at Pickles. The poor guy glanced back at the three, pointed helplessly at the two who were in the processing of turning the massage into a whole new game, and stuck out his bottom lip in a defeated pout.

“Whats about Pickle?”

“What about Picklesh?” Murderface parroted, then snapped a finger for some servants to cover him in his robes. “I’m getting outghta here before they shtart fucking.”

“You donts think?”

“I mean, how many times have we done it in front of each other?” Nathan muttered, and the question was more than enough to determine that they had at best, a minute or two before Toki finally made…whatever moves Toki had in his arsenal. The three bolted, leaving their personals behind for some servant to pick up after them. First was Murderface, then Skwisgaar second, and finally Nathan, who, despite being so affected, made one final eye roll before vanishing into Mordhaus’ halls.

“Uhh,” Pickles uttered, voice on the incline as Magnus turned and pulled Toki into a slippery hold.

“Well, would you look at that,” Magnus declared, a smile stretching into an alert grin as Toki’s oily hands slid down his chest. “We’ve scared them off.”

“Oh, we cans go plays in the water likes we dids before.” Toki pointed to the now-empty pool.

“I mean, I got you where I want you right now,” Magnus said, wrapping his arms tighter around Toki. He kissed Toki’s jaw. “And it’s pretty warm here…”

“Ams very warm.”

There came a giggle, a hand reaching for the oil, and the sounds of Toki squirming and pleading to be set free, only for Magnus to pull him back into his long, clingy grip. Magnus turned over Toki, popped open the bottle, and as Toki yelped for help, Pickles stumbled off his chair, tripping over his steps as he winced and swore his way out of the pool area.

[curiousconch]

Sobering Truth

Chapter 10 of Ricochet (An Open Heart AU)

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Synopsis: After the fallout of Rafael and Heather, what could this mean to Bryce and the recovering doctor? 

Pairing: Rafael Aveiro x MC (Dr. Heather Song) | Bryce Lahela x MC (Dr. Heather Song)

Words: 2.1k+ | Genre: Crime, Suspense/Thriller, Romance

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / hints of past violent experience and sex

Author's Notes: Almost is Never Enough by Ariana Grande and Nathan Skyes was the perfect song for this chapter, the lyrics are very fitting. Also, watch out for a cameo from a PM character 😊

Thank you so much for taking time to read this series. Please let me know if you want me to include/remove you in the tags list. Also, disclaimer: Majority of the characters are owned by Pixelberry, except the main character Heather Song and an OC Jordan Anderson.

Bryce found himself hunched alone in a bar stool downtown Boston. He swirled the brown liquid in his glass, brows furrowed in remembering the scene in the hospital room. 

His face contorted with the pain piercing through his chest, the possibility of losing Heather once again sinking like a sword. He racked his mind for an option, but it seems all is lost in that battle.

He thought back to their last outing together, and he was so certain that something was there. So why did she choose to stay with someone else instead of being with him?

His lips formed a thin line, his hand rubbing over his face in frustration. The emotions within turbulent and unnerving. Was he just too much of a fool when he thought he had a shot with her? 

This is exactly why Bryce Lahela didn't want to commit. It was far more easier for him to seek momentary connections rather than build permanent ones. He didn't want to relive the rejections-filled past from his adolescence, at the time of his parents' criminal convictions. 

Yet here he was again, suffering the same consequences of wanting something permanent in his life. Something that could bring him happiness. Something better than him being alone in the middle of a crowd of drunken patrons. 

He should've stayed in his own lane of hook-ups and one night stands instead of chasing for this relationship. 

So the first thing he did when he realized that that door is closing, was to go back to his old stomping grounds. 

But why can't he will himself to look around? 

As if on queue, an olive-skinned woman slid herself beside him, her sudden presence invading his thoughts. With a half-smirk and green catty eyes, the coils of dark hair loosely wrapping her head. The mere sight of her was mesmerizing. 

"I know you," she said, almost in a purr. 

Bryce looked back at her, and a long-forgotten heat warmed him up. And it wasn't because of the alcohol in his system.

"I guess my reputation is my charm," he replied, leaning forward. He loosened his tie whilst sipping from his glass. 

"Oh I know all about your reputation," her voice made him shiver, her fingers ever slowly trailing a path towards his arm. "You're the one with magic hands," she whispered, her brows dancing as she spoke. 

This commanding woman was pushing his buttons in all the right places, her sparkly black cocktail dress that clung on her body tightly wasn't making him feel suddenly parched. 

Her hand continued to venture up his arm, and eventually the side of his neck. As it followed the line of his jaw, Bryce couldn't help but lean closer. 

Nothing was stopping him at the moment. 

Miles away from being sober, his lips blew a short burst of air into the woman's bare neck, after which he got the chance to breathe in a whiff of her perfume. 

The jasmine scent was all too familiar. It conjured the image of the woman who Bryce fled away from tonight. 

Heather. 

Snapping out of the trance, he took a step back. Gone was the sexual tension that floated in the air mere seconds ago. Bryce only shook his head to the woman and paid his tab, before almost sprinting out into the cold rain that continued to flood the concrete pavement. 

He let the drops of water wash all over him until he was soaked. With it, the inevitable tears began to fall, which he didn't hold back. He also didn't mind how it easily reduced the numbing effect of the bottle of Jack Daniels that he just consumed. 

Like a thief in the night, the woman of his dreams snatched what was left of Bryce's vulnerable heart. He knew, deep down, that it would take a long time before he can get it back. 

*** 

"Breaking news. Declan Nash and Jordan Anderson pleads guilty as co-conspirators of the kidnapping of Senator Ed Farrugia and Edenbrook doctor Heather Song."

"This is following an intensive investigation by the joint special task force created as the public clamored to protect Massachusetts famed senator. 

"We are joined today by one of the victims, Senator Ed Farrugia, after he gave his testimony today at the Boston courthouse."

The video flicked from a female news anchor to the steps of the city's courthouse, where the politician was joined by Chief DA Tanaka. Heather's hazel eyes however wasn't on the prominent people in the screen, but instead drawn to the tall figure standing beside the older man, his intimidating stature made more pronounced by the sharp gray suit that contoured just enough to please.

Bryce. 

Saying his name, even in her mind, made her involuntarily shudder with regret, aware that between them was an undeniable attraction that she just couldn't shake off. Ever since her kidnapping, she couldn't stop herself from thinking about what could've been. Was it just too late for them? Will it only remain a connection that can never be explored? Will it ever be something more? She knew, deep down, if she could change the world overnight, she wanted to try. If there was anything she could learn from her almost dying, it was the sobering truth that life was too short to be restrained by inaction.

But she hadn't been able to speak to him for a while now. He didn't answer his phone nor returned any of her texts or messages. She hoped to get the chance when she was scheduled for her recorded testimony. To her dismay, another ADA visited her and took her witness account. 

She thought he was just busy with the case, but she sensed that he was avoiding her altogether. Her free time provided her so many hours to rack her brain for the reason why. To this day, that question was left unanswered. 

Danny raised his gaze to Heather, as he felt her pulse beat faster than normal. He turned to the TV monitor in the hospital room, stifling a chuckle as he found the reason behind her palpitations.

"Let's try to do this again," Danny said, making Heather's attention swivel to him. 

"Why? Something wrong?" she asked, obviously confused. 

This time, Danny snickered, grabbing the remote from her and switched the channel. The gesture was enough to make her fluster as it dawned on her what the nurse was insinuating. 

"I can't put your last BPM on your chart, Heather. We dont want Dr. Ramsey to not sign off on your discharge papers today. Two weeks of him pestering us is enough torture to last a lifetime," he scoffed jokingly, referencing how the senior attending relentlessly chased the hospital staff to put her case on priority. 

She curtly nodded, her mentor's crass actions embarrassing her further. 

"Thanks, Danny." she sheepishly smiled, hoping the two words were enough to express her appreciation of how the hospital helped her get back on her feet during the roughest period of her life yet. 

Danny returned her gesture, before getting back to taking her pulse. Satisfied, he recorded it to the clipboard in his hand, as her friends thundered into the room. 

Sienna, Elijah, Jackie and Aurora all stepped inside, each carrying an assortment of food items. They moved their Sunday brunch to that day in celebration of Heather's discharge. The welcome noise warmed her heart, their usual banter flowing like music to her ears. 

The thundering of her deep-seated emotions momentarily toned down, as she enjoyed the company of the small family she found in Edenbrook. 

Outside, the weather was warm with no clouds threatening to dampen the surroundings. 

It was going to be a good day. 

*** 

As the last of the questions were addressed and the cameras were turned away, Bryce sighed in relief. 

With the news crews dispersed, Chief Tanaka left to head back to the DA's office, leaving him as second chair to wrap up all the remaining paperwork. He strutted into the courthouse, the ADA facade well in effect. 

It was an understatement to say that the past few weeks were hectic. 

Interviewing Declan Nash and Jordan Anderson was like being pulled into opposite poles. Their personalities were so polarizingly different that Bryce suspected that there was a more to the case than what appears. 

So he advised the special task force to dig into that angle. The FBI's investigation is still ongoing, and he is betting against it finishing soon. 

Today was a day of accomplishments, and Bryce's mood was better than it was ever since that night. Or so he thought. 

As his mind shifted back into the present, he caught the unwelcome sight of Agent Rafael Aveiro conversing with someone in the hallways. He managed to hear a glimpse of the conversation as they got into earshot. 

"You're background would be invaluable to us, Agent Rafael," the strange man in the tweed-colored jacket said. 

"This is such a timely offer that I couldn't refuse. I'll let you know as soon as I wrap up my last case." Bryce heard Raf say. 

"Of course. But please don't keep us in the Interpol on our toes, Agent." 

"Of course, Agent Nazario." 

Taken aback, he stopped, trying to understand what had just transpired. Why was Rafael taking a job with the interpol? 

Once Bryce saw that the special investigator was alone, he approached him, words blazing. 

"Interpol? Seriously, Raf, this soon?" 

Raf turned to face him, surprised at Bryce's sudden interjection. 

"I don't see the need to explain myself to you, ADA Lahela." He politely said as he begun to walk away. 

"But you just got back together! Why leave for an overseas job this soon when she needs you the most?" Bryce's voice rose, echoing into the nearly full hallway. He honestly didn't mind, weeks worth of bottled up frustration threatening to surface. 

A more puzzled expression filled Rafael's face, the line of interrogation making him turn around and stare back at the prosecutor. 

Rafael recognized the look on Bryce's face. It was a mirror of his own haunted reflection. Of a lost love, never to return. The confusion gave way to understanding. 

It made him soften his stance, and place a brotherly hand on the lawyer's shoulder. 

"Look, I don't know why you think that, but Heather and I..." he paused, taking a deep breath as he tried to bury the painful memory of their goodbye into the back of his mind. "We broke up. The same night that she was admitted to Edenbrook after her kidnapping, we talked and agreed to go our separate ways." 

Bryce couldn't believe what he was hearing, his knees weakening with the revelation. Amber eyes widened in shock and feeling like an idiot at the same time. 

He smiled despite himself, the nightmares of his imaginary rejection transformed into a wonderful dream. The door that he thought was closed is now unlocking, and he was determined to blow it wide open. 

With a hasty thank you and goodbye to Raf, he turned the soles of his leather shoes and raced to the door of the courthouse. 

Bryce didn't dare waste another minute to look back. 

Tags: @ramsey-lahela @eleanorbloom @openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations

[nolanjames]

VOLUME II

Here we go, round 2 of NHL fics that I very highly recommend for you to check out, and if you’ve read them before, why not re-read them again? Discover an old favourite or fall in love with a new one.

Below the cut you’ll find my five recommendations + my hot take/summary + a line, or two, that hits.

When Fate Stepped In by @jasondickinsons​​​​ | Tyson Barrie

Oh my god. This is a series and there’s been two parts so far (part two can be found here), I was going to wait until it was complete before I recommended it, but I cannot wait before any longer to recommend it, that’s how sure I am this fic will go in a wondrous way. It’s such a beautiful series about shared dreaming and soulmates. I don’t read many soulmates au anymore, but this made me question my preferences. No matter what I say, it will not do this series justice. Your character is thinking of uprooting their life to Toronto and it so happens that she’s dreaming of a certain player of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Luckily, best friend Amy may have some answers about why this stranger feels like home and why he settles an itch that you can’t quite reach.

“What part of ‘soulmates’ don’t you understand? You’re going to see him again. There’s no question about that.” And then she disappeared into the bathroom once more.

Wildfire by @slimskjei-dy​​​ | Brock Boeser

I know none of us know these athletes really, but this feels oddly very in character for Brock (I may or may not be going through a Brock phase. He’s just so sweet and lovely - an actual ray of sunshine, what’s not to love about him?). This particular fic is about a reoccurring summer tradition of playing house with Brock may lead to more after an ill timed comment from the NHL’s answer to Draco Malfoy (yes, I, most definitely, mean Petey).

“You keep coming back though,” Brock chuckles, pulling you closer and flopping back onto his bed. “I always do.”

Striped Heart by @burkymakar​​​​ | Nathan MacKinnon

(bonus: part 2)

Imagine being the first female NHL since 1999. Imagine having to prove to everyone you’re perfect for the job and that your calls are valid - pressure! Also, imagine with trying to deal with all that testosterone - stress! Also also, imagine one certain player catching your attention more than he should, and now he’s keeping you company during quarantine (via the wonders of modern technology) - oops? And this player is proving himself to be redeemable after a certain situation (don’t want to spoil what was done, so go read it to find out). Wow okay, how do you not fall in love with him? Guess you have to. (How he’s written most definitely helps, too.)

Nate: I dont think I ever said but it’s really amazing what you’ve done in the NHL Nate: you’re pretty impressive You pressed your knuckles to your cheeks, as if that would quell the flames burning there.

Valerie by @seggyseguin​​​ | Nolan Patrick

4 part series: part one, two, three and four.

Exasperated - that is how I felt reading this. You know the feeling when someone is being so utterly dense (or in this case, two people) and they are not pulling themselves together? Yes, that. With every part of this series, part of me was going, get it together!! Get together! The other part of me was relishing in the disaster that is your character and Nolan’s relationship. (+bonus Travis being called a “walnut”). I am torn between two bits to quote.

“Please don’t make me wait” You should have known, he left without much persuasion and you can only imagine he spent that minute out in the hall deliberating whether or not to actually leave but now he’s here and almost pleading with you with his warm hands around your face again.

Couply Things by @broadstbroskis​​​​ | Nathan MacKinnon

Wedding guest date, one bed, friends to lovers.. do I need to say more to convince you? I felt so warm and fuzzy reading it. It’s so well written. Sit back and enjoy the interaction between your character and the other players while acting very much like a couple with Nate despite not being in a relationship.

It’s a picture of a couple, or at least they look like a couple, laughing together and smiling at each other adoringly. The lights are catching them just right, bathing the two of them in a golden hue, and they each look like they’d rather be nowhere else than wrapped in each others’ arms.

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

i dont know if youre taking requests but if youd like to, would you write a comfort fic with nathan bateman where the reader has really severe anxiety and panic attacks? i really love your nathan fics and barely anyone writes him, especially not the way you do

I am and thank you so much for the request! (I have such a soft spot for this silly man.) And thank you so much for your kind words (I am so terrible at expressing how much comments mean to me.)

(Also I am assuming you suffer from panic attacks, as do I, I hope you're okay and are doing well💚)

Any Time

Nathan Bateman X GN!Reader Rating: T Masterlist | ao3 | want to be tagged? | request info

Warnings: Panic attacks, swearing, typos! Railroad sentences! Soft!Nathan being a big softie, please let me know if I've missed a warning!

Word Count: 683

_______________________________________

You weren’t sure what set it off. Whether it had been one thing, or a combination. At the very least, if you had been sure of the cause you could try to avoid it in the future. 

But here you were, in the middle of the kitchen, clutching the countertop so tightly that you probably could have ripped the marble in two. 

You knew what it was. Had had so many by now that they should have been routine. The fact that you knew it was a panic attack should have been enough to calm you, to settle your breathing and the crushing weight in your chest. 

Instead the air caught in your throat and somehow didn’t seem to make it to your lungs. The dread built and grew until your bones were shaking under the weight of it. 

This was going to last forever. This wasn’t going to end. This was-

“You okay?” Nathan’s voice cut through your internal dialogue like an air horn. It was too much. And only added to sickening compression around your throat. You didn’t want him here. Didn’t need him to see you like this.

Talking was practically impossible. 

You shook your head, and managed to release the counter just long enough to wave your left hand dismissively. I’m fine.

“Hey, hey, hey,” you didn’t hear him walk towards you, but you felt his hand on your clammy shoulder. Warm and cold at the same time, too heavy, too much.

You shrug him away, looking down, trying and failing to control your breathing. To get a hold of yourself. 

“Sorry, hey, sorry,” he held up his hands. “Look at me okay?” 

You shook your head. Little spots of swirling colours were starting to appear at the corners of your vision. You were going to be sick. You were going to fall down. You were going to be-

“Look. At. Me.” 

The firmness of his voice seemed to pull at your limbs, moving you before you even had the chance to register what he had said.

“You’re okay. It’s alright.” He nodded, keeping his voice calm and soft. “You’re gonna breathe with me alright,” he took in a breath through his nose. Over exaggerating the action and holding it for four seconds before he breathed out through his mouth. 

He repeated the process, composed and sure. Breathing in, breathing out, breathing in, breathing out. 

“You’re doing great, you’re okay,” he repeated between breaths. 

Breathe in, breathe out. 

“Doing so good, baby.”

You missed the pet name, didn’t see the flicker of self consciousness that flashed across his face at his slip of the tongue.

“You’re safe, nothings gonna happen.”

You tried to match him, at first failing miserably. But slowly both of your chests started to rise and fall in rhythm. 

He continued to talk while you started to calm, the shaking in your hands lessening. 

“You know how many panic attacks I’ve had?” He didn’t wait, or want a response. Just letting you focus on your breathing. 

“So many. Hundreds, thousands maybe.” Nathan continued. “One always sticks in my head, I’d messed up some really basic coding. I was tired and stressed and it was really fucked up. And I just… broke.” He shrugs. “Panicking all by myself at half four in the morning.” 

He smiles. “Thing is, the coding was just for a project I was working on. No deadline, no one else was gonna see it. I wasn’t letting anyone down, no one’s life was at risk and still… it was like my body was crumbling around me. Just,” he motions towards his chest. “Imploding. Suffocating me.” 

He smiles again, but this time it’s at you. One of those rare, soft Nathan smiles. 

Your breathing is a lot better, a lot closer to normal.

“Can I get you some water?” 

You nod and Nathan helps you to sit at the kitchen table before he brings over a glass. Ice cubes are floating at the top. 

He sits down next to you as you gulp half of the water down. 

“Thank you.” You whisper.

“Any time.” 

____________________________________

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[happys-crazy-queen22]

Stuffed Under The Seat

Gif by me.

Nick had just moved into his new place and was throwing a house warming party. All his friends and loved ones were invited. He thought.

"You sent out every invitation, right"? Nick asked his little brother Nate.

"Yes, I sent them out a week ago so get off my back about it". Nate huffed and walked away.

People started coming and soon the house was full. People talking and laughing. But Nick didnt see the one he wanted there the most.

"Nate? Nate"? Nick punched his brothers arm when he wasnt paying attention.

"What"?

"Where's Y/N"?

"I dont know. Call and see where she is"? Nate huffed and returned his attention to the girl he was talking too.

Nick went his room and sat on his bed, dialing your number.

"Hey, this is Y/N, I cant come to the phone now please leave a message after the beep". The recording made Nick sigh.

"Hey, Y/N, this is Nick. Uh, where are? I'm not seeing you here at the party. But I hope too. Call me once you get this and come over. I can't wait to see you". Nick smiled and he hung up but it turned upside down when the three seconds he closed his phone you hadn't called.

Nick was not in the partying mood anymore. He was actually cleaning up messes people were making rather than having a good time.

"Bro, you need to chill. Go have fun. Meet a cute girl. Theres plenty". A friend of Nick's came up behind him.

"I'm waiting for Y/N to call me back". Nick huffed, throwing a cup full of cigarettes butts into the trash can.

"She isnt coming. She's at home".

"How do you know"? Nick put the trash can down and turned his attention to his friend.

"My girl talked to her and she said that Y/N sounded upset. So she asked what was wrong and Y/N might have mentioned that she didnt get an invite to your party".

"What the fuck you talking about?  Nate, mailed them. She was the first one I wrote". Nick huffed and went to search for his little brother. "Fucking Nathan".

"Hey". Nate said a little tipsy.

"You mailed the invites right"?

"Yeah. I promise".

"Then why didnt Y/N get one? She's at home right now thinking I forgot her. Where's it at Nate"?

"How the hell am I supposed to know? Maybe it got lost in the mail. Her dog could've ate it".

"She doesnt have a dog. Now we're going to go to your car and if I find that invite I'm going to choke hold you. Got it"?

Nate rolled his eyes and went first through the crowd of people. Nick trusted his brother to have one simple job. But you know how little siblings can be.

"See it's not in here". Nate threw up his hands as they searched the car.

"Look under the seat". Nick stood back with his arms folded over his chest.

"Fine, but it's not goi". Nate pulled back two invitations. "Sorry".

"You're an idiot". Nick swiped them from Nates hands. "You forgot mom too, you dumbass". Nick showed Nate the names on the paper.

"Maybe that's why she was calling and yelling at me"? Nate shrugged it off.

"You think"? Nick laughed. "I'm going to go see Y/N, you call mom and tell her to come over. You'll explain why you forgot her". Nick took off to his car with the invitation in hand.

Meanwhile you sat on the couch stuffing your mouth with cheesy popcorn and watched a movie as a bunch of teenagers get murdered.

"I told you, you shouldn't have went in there. But you wouldn't listen. Now look at ya". You yell at the tv.

Ding dong.

Pausing the movie, you went to answer the door.

"Hello"? You asked before opening the door.

"It's me".

"Me, who"?

"Nick, Nick Diaz". You could hear him let out a chuckle.

"Really? You're not some crazed maniac that cut off his face and stolen his identity"?

"It's really me".

You opened the door. "Oh, it is you. Was really hoping for a crazed maniac. Maybe that would explain why I'm not all dressed up and at your house". You sigh, walking away.

"I can explain. I left Nate in charge of the mailing. He forgot you and our mom. They were stuffed under his seat in his car. Here". Nick handed you the invite.

"I see. So the two people that love you the most, arent invited. That seems like it was planned".

"It wasnt. Just a misunderstanding and Nate being Nate".

"Okay". You threw the card on the coffee table and sat back down on the couch.

"You're not going to get ready"?

"No, I've already picked out three movies and I've already started one. You know how I hate stopping a movie. Especially a horror movie". You turned the movie back on. 

"Yeah. Um. Should you be watching this alone"? Nick asked as he sat down beside you.

"I'm fine. Dont you have a party to go to"?

"You know me, I can't leave you alone while watching a horror movie. Gotta protect you". Nick scooted over and wrapped his arm around your shoulder. You snuggled into Nick's embrace.

Nick had forgotten all about his house warming party while you stuffed popcorn in his mouth and laughed as a clown chased a teenager. He didn't need to be there to know he has a house, you weren't there so it wasnt home. Anywhere you were was home.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

What You Deserve

A/N- This is not actually part of the story, its a unused story that I spent a couple weeks writing so I didnt have the heart to delete it although I scrapped it from the original story line. So please know that I did use some of these scenes in my rewrite. 

Summary- 5.7k Curtis Evertt and Y/N. Early Years. You sit with a dying member of the train and listen to her talk about her late husband, and the idea of Soulmates crosses your mind. Do they exist? 

Warnings- Death, Almost a Non Con situation. Curtis having doubts that hes good enough. Boom, got them all I think. 

You sat with the older woman, Sheri for some time that day, perched on the end of her bunk, one leg folded underneath you and one dangling over the edge, her hand interlaced with your own. Sheri was dying your mother informed you that morning, and you simply couldnt let her pass off all alone. Your fingers interlaced with hers in that moment, yours young soft and supple, to her knobby jointed ones, age spots sprinkled across what felt like paper thin softness, like you press to hard it would fall apart. Every now and then a weak wet cough would spring forth, and you would lean forward to pat her mouth softly of any spittle that happened to escape. It was the least you could do for her, try to let her keep her dignity.

“Child, you shouldnt be here watching this.” Sheri would sputter, hazy eyes narrowing at you, knowing you wouldnt leave even if she was to send you away.

You shrugged, and resettled the blankets. “Where else would I go Sheri? Mom and Dad have everything all set in the medic bay, and I got lonely. Who better to keep me company?”

She snorted and coughed once more, raising her hand to wipe at her mouth before you could. “Hmmm, well Curtis comes to mind.”

You blush a bit and look away, which she grinned seeing your lovesick reaction. “Uh huh... Sheri, hes just a friend. And hes got better things to do. Like getting ready with McGregor.” Sheri rolled her eyes at you, and shifted to make herself more comfortable. “Child, ive see the way you two look at one another. I might be old, Im not blind. If you two would just admit your feelings are more then friends, then who knows. Might be the best thing you ever experience. I remember when I told Nathan how I felt. He was all stumbling over his words, spilling it as well.”

You chuckle at her memory, remembering Nathan well when you first came on the train, he was fiercly protective of his wife, and doted on Sheri, loved her with his last breath. You encourage her to speak more of her past, how Nathan and her had a whirlwind romance that ended with the two of them eloping. How when her father found out, he banned her from the house, and the first home she shared with Nathan was nothing more then a room with a bathroom, it was all they needed to start. “It got better, he was accepted to a university, and worked as a janitor at night, I was a waitress in a small off the interstate diner, along with babysitting. It was hard, but we appreciated all that we had.” Sheris eyes slipped closed and she mumbled. “Okay, Im gonna nap now, come back later Y/N, and we will talk some more.” the womans head tipped to the side, and you stayed long enough to be sure she was sleeping.

Drawing your way out, you are sure to slide the curtain closed for her privacy, and start making another round to see to other people, chat with them, just see if they need anything in general. You dont notice the wandering eyes following you, weaving through the people till you got to a quiter part of the tail end. You didnt notice, not until its to late when an arm shoots out in front of you, making you pause momentarily as it blocked you. “What the... Eric, what do you want?” You try to duck under his arm, but the mans grasp on your arm pauses you. A glance his way showed a handsome young man, blond locks curling around green eyes, that glinted coldly at you, and he firmly without any choice of your own backed you against the wall. “See youve been playing little home nurse again Y/N”

“Just helping mom and dad, can you please let go?” You try tugging your arm from his grasp and his other hand came up to your face to trace the curve, obviously not ready to loosen his hold, for whatever reason you would clam up around him, your heart fluttering and your breath quickening. Some would think it was innocent attraction. But it was more fear of what he would eventually do to you if given the chance. 

“When you going to let me kiss you huh? I dont see why you keep fighting me on this.” He hovered closer, his breath washing over your face and you wrinkle your nose at it. It was hot and sour to you, you tried to pull back but there was no where else to go, so the back of your head would thump against the cold metal wall.

“Im not, I dont want to and you cant change my mind.” You wriggle once more trying to get him to stop digging into your arm. “So how about you go find one of the other girls? I know there are plenty who want to be with you.”

“To easy, I rather like the one who denies me” His voice dropped deeper, making you panic sightly. His eyes, you hated the way he would stare at you, following you from wherever he was, like you were a prize to be had. "I figured it's about time I change your mind about it though." You strain out of his touch on your face and go to push against his chest to stumble him back.

"I said no! Fuck no would I ever be with you, let alone kiss you" you snap at him, turning to leave, put distance between you two, back in a crowd. Eric was to coward to try to anything with people around. He snarled though, wrapping an arm around you.

Effectively he pinned your arms helpless and your back against your chest, falling back harder then you expected, making you helpless, his hand clasped over your mouth, effectively muffling any protests you had. "What you think your to good for someone like me sweetheart. If your good enough to get Curtis's dick wet, think you can mine as well without this much of a fight." Your eyes widened at his words. I haven't, were not, stop... Your panic is washing over you, and he manipulated your head to fall back to his shoulder, lemmegolemmegolemmego, you try twisting out. Then he pressed his face in your neck, and bit you, what started as a sloppy kiss turned into a bruising bite, screaming at the shock of pain and you try kicking him hard enough in the leg behind you to drop him. The tread of your boot slid down the inside of his leg, and he pushed you away from him to crash you against the trains wall, hard enough to bounce you off, making you groan from the harsh impact.

Erics hand whipped you around, effectively pinning you with his body. No way to leverage a kick again, and hands pinned your arms down to keep from attacking. "Fucken shit head!" Your voice raised into yelling at him, where was everyone? It was eerily quiet and no one around, he smirked at your struggles, dawning on you when you saw how turned on, felt how turned on. That foreign bulge dug into your belly. "Keep struggling Y/N, just makes me hard for you, so cute thinking you don't want this."

"Your vile Eric, like those front end pigs" nothing but disgust dripping from your tone, trying to hide your fear. But he knows, it just widens his predatory grin knowing your words were masking the fear coursing through your veins. His lips hovered so close, mocking tone as he brushed them barely against yours, as you tried tilting your face away. “Come on Y/N, just one little kiss for me. Do it and I will let you go.”

You glare at him and spit, right in the fuckers face, it runs down his eyes and nose, and you smirk at him as he starts cussing and wiping his face on his sleeve. “You little fucken cunt whore! Nasty pig think you can get away with that shit?!” His hand releases you and goes to hit you when a grasp catches his wrist, wrenching it back. Both yours and Erics eyes go wide in surprise, and you see Curtis glowering behind him, firmly twisting Erics arm hard, then harder again he snarls out. “She sure as fuck is gonna get away with it. I think she told you no”

Curtis jerked Erics arm further and a crack was followed by Eric screaming and letting you go, you slid away from his grasp, Curtis jerking him forward to take where he had you pinned before. They were evenly matched in size, but Curtis had him crushed between his body and metal, his face distorted as you glanced up. It struck you in this moment just how opposite these two men were. Curtis never once raised his voice in the time youve known him,but he had to raise above Erics squealing out in pain and anger. “When a person tells you no, It fucken mean no. You owe Y/N an apology.” He pulled Eric off the wall, and kicked at the back of his knees to drop him in front of you.

Curtis loomed over him, his arm still firmly twisted up between his shoulder blades, and growled in the mans ear. “Say it, or Im going to wrench it right off your body.”

“Im sorry!” you could see the effort it took Eric to say it, but Curtis clearly wasnt satisfied.

“AGAIN!” This time he really roared, Eric cowering a bit, and remorseful, he started again.

“Im sorry Y/N, I promise to never touch you again!” Curtis glances at you and nods that its okay, he had him firmly and you stepped forward, grasping the mans hair, and tipping his head back.

“Touch me ever again, or ANYONE on this train, your dead, do you hear me Eric? I will have no problem watching you die, either by my hand or another. Am. I. Fucking. CLEAR?”

“Yes! god yes, just let me go, it wont happen again.” Eric pleads, and you step away from Eric, and circle around to Curtis’s side. Shoving him harshly away, Eric rolled to a stand and clutched his arm, racing away as fast as he could. The coward, would probably make up some lie to cover face when he made it to your father went to reset the arm. You stood next to Curtis, still fuming. Your fear from earlier forgotten, now you were just enraged watching where the coward disappeared.

“Hey, he aint gonna try messing with you again.” Curtis let his hand rest against your shoulder, looking down at you. He couldnt help but admire you in your rage and fury. Your cheeks were flushed red, and whisps of your hair curled around your face, your eyes bright as you dragged in air sharply to blow it out. Then you turned your gaze, softening just looking at him, and could see you start to loose that edge of your temper. He did that for you.. Curtis gaze softened in return and you turn into him, sliding your arms around his waist and pressing your face in against his chest.

“Thank you for looking out for me Curtis.” his hands braced against your back and seemed to envelope you. If possible he would just hold you like that for alot longer, but you pulled away, keeping it just friends. Maybe you noticed the way his heart jumped, or the way his throat caught in his throat. And it had been that way for monthes now, seeing you in this whole other way. Since that night you fought him, trying to defy that you would ever eat again. Something shifted that day, and yet he held back from telling you, mentioning it. Honestly he didnt deserve someone like you, for all the blackness in his soul. It was better you two just stay this. Stay friends. 

“Your welcome Y/N, I came to let you know Sheri, shes asking for you specifically. Your mom asked me to come get you.” Curtis was about to walk you back, but your eyes widened, and you sprinted up the aisle and out of sight before he could even think to catch up. Unsure of why you were rushing, he followed along behind, and hovered nearby, seeing glimpses of your hair as you were ducked in the bunk, and worried about intruding, he inched forward a bit enough to hear you, make sure it was all okay. Your voice was soft, almost sorrowed as you spoke. 

“Im here Sheri, Im sorry I didnt come sooner...” 

Unintelligible to Curtis at the moment, it only sounded older, raspier and you gave a small chuckle at whatever was said. 

“I already told you, were friends, Curtis and I.” your voice seems to be teasing at this, and guilt at eavesdropping, Curtis turned away from the two of them, those last words echoing in his minds. Friends. Thats all they were, and all they would ever be. He had to accept it. You werent really his, and he needed to stop feeling responsible for you.  The thought alone made him feel slightly depressed and heavy in his chest, hollow. It made him feel hollow, and he fell right in line with the others shuffling to the front to collect there daily rations. 

You curled up near Sheris side, in the time you left her, she just gotten worst, and the both of you knew it really was just a matter of time now. For a while Sheri fell back into stories of the past, mixing You and Nathan up, once in a while she will talk to you like you were her husband. Her soft knobby hands grasping yours, and a smile etching on her tired face. 

“Im so tired Nathan, whats it like?” She would say with her eyes closed, and you with your head slightly bowed, trying not to let your tears fall yet, you put on a smile instead and nod softly. 

“Yea Sheri Dear, its nice. All love and kindness. You never hurt, your always warm and we can be together.” 

“But is there Hershey Bars Nathan? And dont you lie to me, cause I always know.” 

You laugh slightly at it, barely remembering them yourself, but you do your best. “Of course, every day I will get you all the chocolate you want.” 

Sheri hums as if happy, and her eyes open, looking up at you. “Oh child you dont have to stay.” Back to herself again, she folded her hands around yours and patted them softly. “Thank you for sitting with me, Nathan told me hes waiting for me, and Im ready to go... Im ready to see him again, My Nathan.” She slowed her movements and drifted off to sleep. At some point your mother checks in on you. “Want me to sit with her and you go get some sleep?” 

A gentle shake of your head and smile, youve done this before... the silent wait, the death watch. “No, its okay. I will see you in the morning.” Your mother nods with understanding, life on the train, these past 10 years made you grow up faster then you should. It did for all of you. 

You sat there with her, refusing to leave this time, still holding her hand, that was limp and warm in your own, tracing over her knuckles and along the top of her hand, aged, weathered. Nothing really last forever, and in these thoughts Sheri drifted away, in her sleep. Just as she wanted. 

When you felt her just, become a body once more, you let your tears run free now, falling in the womans blankets, while you readjust her to cover her completely, shifting to a stand a bit weak legged from the hours you were there. You went to find your mother, but see shes sleeping, both your parents are. Looking up and down the aisle, you really dont want to be alone, not now. Not after having to say goodbye. It was moments like these you missed your little brother, having someone to hold in your arms and remember all the good memories through your sorrow.

Without even thinking about it, you wander, and soon your standing in front of a bunk youve never been into, but you knew who was there. You could hear him snore softly, and shift in his sleep. A soft rustle of his coat, a shadow in the darkness. Your heart catches, and it aches. It aches for your friend, for how excited she was to see her husband again. How you dont know if she really was though. “Curtis?” Your voice is soft, your not even sure you said it. But within seconds he sleepily stuck his head out, and hand wiping at his eyes and brows coming together in concern. “Y/N? Whats wrong? Are you okay?” 

You nod softly and maybe you shouldnt, it was such an odd request but it bubbles right out of your throat into words. “I dont... I dont want to be alone, please?” Your gaze lifts and it takes him a few seconds to register what your asking for, when it clicks, he doesnt even hesitate, his hand reaching out to grasp yours and help you up. Maybe he should send you home, send you back. But your looking so fragile in the dark, alone. 

When you settled in, Curtis felt the bunk warm up between you two, and you laid curled up near his side, not touching , but nearby. Your breathing was fast paced and uneasy. Nervous... Fuck shes nervous. He turned to his side, and reached out to grasp your chin lightly to look up at him, since you had your face tucked down. “Y/N, want to tell me whats going on?” Curtis figured it was best to get to the bottom of what was bothering you, why you came to seek him like this. 

“Do you believe in soulmates and such Curtis?” You start to loosen up, folding your hands under your head as you roll to your side as well, looking back at him. Curtis brow furrowed a bit at the very odd question from you, and gave a light shrug at it. “Im not entirely sure Y/N, I never thought about it honestly. My folks werent exactly the most loving towards each other, kinda like... “ He tried to think of how to compare them to that you might remember. “Al and Peggy Bundy from that comedy. I dont know if you would even know what Im talking about. But anyways, always kinda mean to one another, but they just stayed together. Soulmates? I dont know if they exist. Why?” 

You vaguely recalled what he was talk about, the theme song playing a bit through your mind, you remembered your dad watching it, but you never paid attention to what he was watching. “Yea I know what your talking about Curtis. I was sitting with Sheri during her last bit, and she thought I was her husband. It just... she talked to him like they hadnt missed a beat, although its been years. I did my best to give her answers for him. I just, think I witnessed what that would be.” Curtis reached out and wrapped you up in his arms, understanding now that you were saying Sheri was gone. Doing that sit was never easy. Clearly this one effected you. But certainly not in the way he fully expected. 

You let him pull you in close, twisting to lean in against his chest while he held you, his hand was rubbing up and down your back in a comforting manner. It lulled you to close your eyes, and after a few moments, you heard him speak. A rumble in his chest making you stir to look up at him. At this angle, you couldnt see his eyes. “Before this, did you believe in that notion? Soul mates, think they could find each other in a life like this?” Curtis question made you pull up to sit next to him, so you could properly see him. See if he was teasing you, although he didnt have that tone he did when he was, or if he was being serious in his question. Crystal blue eyes stared up at you, with nothing but seriousness, and maybe hope? 

You studied Curtis for a few moments, and as sometimes happened to you, your heart seemed to speed just a bit, and you smiled at him softly, nodding. “I do Curtis, call me a hopeless romantic but we have to have hope right? Why not hope that we can find something so complete in even this hell.” You shrug and tip your head against your shoulder in that optimistic way before dropping your shrug. It was then he pushed up to sit as well, and he pulled at his lip with a drag of his teeth, seeming to think. You waited him out, your hands folding in your laps and looking at him wide eyed. 

Why do you look at him like that. His resolve weakening. You were so innocent looking up at him, patient as always for him to find the words, for him to decide, for him to get rid of that guilt that he doesnt deserve you in a way more then this. You were probably the reason he hasnt done anything to reckless and gotten himself killed. Fuck it Curtis... Resolve sliding over his face and his hands cupped the sides of your face, so soft under his touch, just as he knew you would be. Soft for him, he only wanted you to ever be soft for him like this, wanting to feel you press against him, the warmth of your breath whispering into his ear that you needed him. How many times had he thought this, wanted this. And now, you were staring up at him just waiting for him to tell you all this. 

“Can I kiss you Y/N?” He asked, ready to pull back the moment you looked appalled by his request, and you never utter those words, nothing changes but a quickening of your breath, and a nervous lick of your lips. Curtis wonders, have you ever been asked before? He was patient, he could wait, would wait till your ready. Its something you never admitted to yourself, but yes... you really wanted that kiss. A dip of your head and a soft “Yes” was given. 

Thumbs circled over her cheekbones, and you held your breath, waiting with anticipation. His features grew soft looking at you, raking over your face for a moment, searching for a no from you before he lowered his head and pressed his lips to yours, they were softer then you been expecting, and a bit lost in what to do. But Curtis started a light nibble, a press of his tongue made you gasp in surprise. A tentative touch of his tongue against your own, and you finally started to relax into it, exploring in your own way. Although Curtis controlled your first kiss, you felt free, a rush of your senses making you pull in closer, your hands sliding up his chest and around the back of his neck. 

Your fingers buried into the back of his shirt, and his own hands slid off your face, and down to your hips to pull you in closer, flushing you into his chest, and a rumbling moan crept from him. You were everything he knew you would be and more. Already it was rushing to his head, feeding a deep seated hunger he had been ignoring for the past ten years since arriving on the train. If he wasnt careful, he was going to do something he might regret, and pulled away, leaving you stunned, and giving a whimper at the loss of his lips against yours. How flushed you looked, shocked, even dare he say a hint of pleasure dazing your eyes. Your lips were swollen from his kiss, and that made him pleased he could make you look like this, just a simple kiss. 

Staring at one another, it was apparent that there was no going back now, no more just best friends. You were still slightly in a daze and Curtis laid back down, his hand circling your arm to tug you to join him. “We should get some sleep.” in which you stretched out next to him. You wanted to say something, but didnt know what. The kiss, unlike anything youve ever experienced and in the dark, your fingers moved to touch your lips, smiling at the memory of it now. The feelings you had for him, had been there a long time, and until now, you never let yourself believe it was a true possibility. 

Curtis on the other hand, well he was cursing himself out for what he just done. You were far to good for him and he should have known better then that. He didnt deserve you, not your honey sweet kisses he just got lost in, or the way you were so sweetly curled up next to him, trying not to intrude. Oh he was fucked... completely fucked. Why did he have to kiss you? He groaned inwards, waiting, just waiting for you to come to your senses. He was a baby murderer, it would happen soon, he was sure. You would remember what he done, and push him away, shut yourself off from him, and then in that moment, Curtis would be all alone on the train. Long after you fallen asleep, Curtis laid wide awake with his thoughts poisoning his mind. 

That next day he had disappeared before you could talk to him, and kept expecting to see him, but you never did. Which was odd, cause he had a habit of finding you at various points in passing. Only place he could be was Gilliams, and that alone made you worry. Not that Gilliam was necessarily bad, but people plotted with him, talks of trying to escape was always so sush around the man, like a man of many secrets. You scolded yourself at your thoughts, knowing Gilliam was a good man. Hes helped all of you so many times, was the leader of your people. If anyone knew you felt this way, your throat closed at the idea of what could happen to you. 

You were soon distracted by a 5 year old named Joey. “Hey, Its almost time, right Y/N?” he said excitedly as he ducked into the medic bay as if he owned the place, pulling on your coat and looking up with a glimmer of hope passing his face, you wink down at him, and take care of the last of the supplies. Whatever was going on with Curtis was going to have to wait. And you pushed the thoughts from your mind.

“Of course, whenever Minister Mason announces that we are passing over bridge, that means its a whole new year, and every new years what do we get?” tapping your finger on your chin, you pretend to ponder. “Oh what is it. They are white, and inside is all that yummy goodness. Hmmmm.... Frog eggs? No way to slimey! maybe a dog egg? Wait dogs dont lay eggs... Maybe a... “ at this point Joey is just about bouncing excitedly, finally bursting out.

“Chicken? Right Y/N Chicken Eggs?! I think they lay eggs.” a slightly confused look crossed his face. “Im not even sure what a chicken is.”  

“Oooh! Thats what they are. And chickens run around on two legs, flap there wings and are big fluffy butts.” You cross your eyes at Joey and mimic flapping your arms, making him laugh.

“Like Miz Scarlett?” He asks, and he says it so innocently, you have a hard time not laughing, pressing a finger against his lips. “No no, she certainly doesnt look like a chicken.” Although she did that one time her nice feather down coat split down the back and feathers scattered through the tail end. You all still found the occasional feather fluttering through the aisle. Plus the woman had the tendency to be a bit over dramatic, flailing her arms around whenever she had to prove a point. Joey always had been an observant kid.

The two of you chatted about what else New Years brought, while heading out into the aisle to return him back to his mother. “were gonna have a cele-celebratition?” You chuckle and repeat the word properly. “Celebration, and it will be something like that yes.” It wasnt much, usually just a bunch of people sitting around the gate, waiting for there only treat Wilford ever gave them on the train. But it always turned into a good time, people sharing stories, and once in a while a game or two was played. “Gilliam is gonna tell us right?” Joey asks, now looking concerned.

Your brows come together, and nod, giving his little hand a squeeze. “Of course Buddy, were not gonna miss out on the best day ever, right? I will come make sure your there with everyone else.” You smile at him to assure, and he pulls up, leaping into a lower bunk to crawl over to his mom. “Mom! Y/N said its almost new years, and we get chicken eggs and maybe we get to hear stories and... “ he ended up running out of air and took a deep breath. “and Miz Scarlett doesnt look like a chicken.” You end up covering your mouth,while his mom puts him on her lap and shakes her head. 

“Now Joey, you cant be telling anyone they look like chickens! Jeeze child, what am I going to do with you?” She tickled his side and he went sprawling across the bed, and rolled back up, the excitement tinging his face. “I wont, I wont... I promise!” The PA systems crackles, and you put your finger up to your lip to sush Joey, all of you tipping your head to listen. Minister Masons nasal voice crackled and stated. 

“We just passed the bridge, and another year on Wilfords Miracle Train. How lucky we have all been to be here for this miraculous day. Mr.Wilford is providing everyone a treat to celebrate, be sure to come up to the front in a ORDERLY fashion, and be sure to thank him for his bountiful grace hes bestowed upon us.” 

You roll your eyes to yourself for the fucking dramatics, but you tilt your head and sound excited for Joey. “Come on Kiddo! I bet hes got something real good for us.” The child looks to his mother for permission and she nods, sending him flying out of the bunk to grasp your hand and practically tugging you down the aisle, since its quite a walk for his little legs, he wanted to hurry. “Slow down Joey, we will get there” You laugh, and then Curtis sweeps past you and hauls the kid up in his arms, grinning at you as he turned around, and walked backwards, Joey, wrapping his little arm around his neck. “We got places to be, Dont We Joe?” The little boy gave a very serious nod and looked down to Curtis. “Yes sir we do.” 

“Okay, okay... Im coming!” You pull up alongside Curtis with a sigh like they were being ridiculous, and once they were in sight of the front, Joey started wriggling to get down. “Put me down Curits, I want to go get in line!” in which hes swung down and as soon as his feet hit the grate, he bolts away from the two of you. The both of you hang back while others crowd to form a line. You let yourself lean against his shoulder and look up to catch his attention. “Feels like youve been hiding on me Curtis.” 

“No, just been busy.” He glances at you and away, watching to make sure Joey doesnt get lost in the mayhem. Liar, hes always been a bad liar. You see right through it, and you dip around to stand in front of him. “Say that again Curtis, and mean it this time.” Your mouth curls up in a grin, and he growls a bit under his breath that he had been caught. 

“Listen, yesterday...” he starts, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down. “I took advantage and I shouldnt have.” 

“Curtis Everett, when have I ever done anything I didnt want to do?” You fold your arms over your chest and shake your head. 

“Well...” 

“That doesnt count and you know it.” Giving him a silent warning and he snapped his jaw shut. You step in closer and take a hold of his jacket, fiddling your fingers in it. “Listen to me closely, You didnt take advantage, okay, and Im not going anywhere. It wasnt bad, right?” 

His eyes widened and a shake of his head to get rid of the notion, he couldnt help but touch you again, his hands moving along your arms, up to cup your face again. “Absolutely not, it was... the best kiss ive ever had.” his face softened when he said it out loud. 

A slight blush crept in your cheeks, but to hear him say that, just made you more bold, knowing you werent wrong. You were ready for this moment, and never thought it was possible. “Then why do you fight it?” You asked as you slid up against him, and move to your toes to reach him, cupping the back of his neck, you bring him down to meet you, and more confident this time, you kissed him slowly. This one was yours, and the people started cheering around them at the announcement of the new year. But for Curtis, his world narrowed to the woman in his arms, nothing else existed or mattered for him. You fit in his hold, like you were meant to be. the soulmates questioned flashed through his mind and then you moaned into his mouth, and all thoughts went away for good. 

He knew in that moment, there wasnt going to ever be anyone else. He might not deserve someone like you, but he wasnt going to let you go. 

[izzy-b-hands]

Kloktober, Oct. 11th: Dancing or Fighting

I chose Fighting for this day, but it’s nothing too serious or horribly angsty, just a touch of it!

Instead, we have a post-Doomstar fic, where the lads are figuring out what powers they have Because Prophecy (and ngl, I remember the barest details/lore from Doomstar and the prophecy in general because I haven’t gotten around to doing much rewatching of the boys lately, so please forgive anything I’ve misremembered. If nothing else, consider it my own AU version of post-Doomstar life for them.) 

TW for mentions of drug and alcohol use. 

Synopsis: Things are settling. Toki and Abigail have healed. Despite Charles claiming that he’ll spend time away from them as the leader of the Church of the Black Klok, his room is still right where it’s always been and he stays there at least four days out of the week. Hanging with the lads, and helping Abigail stay sane. 

And, watching the boys learn what the prophecy being enacted means for them in terms of powers. Which naturally, means Front Yard Fight Club, and a show for Abigail and Charles.

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“What...are they doing?” 

Charles sipped at his coffee. “Fight club.” 

“...Why?” 

“Ah,” Charles sighed, and pulled a flask from his jacket to pour into his coffee. “We don’t really want to know.” 

“This seems incredibly dangerous, given their new powers,” Abigail said, grabbing the flask before he could put it away and taking a swig. “They might kill each other.” 

“Nah,” Charles muttered. “No, there are people who want them dead. But as far as I know of the prophecy, they can’t take each other out like this.” 

Abigail nodded. “I could have donuts delivered, so we can eat while we watch the show?” 

“Use the company card,” Charles remarked as he took a long sip from his mug, and stared at the chaos in the yard below. 

---

“You douchebag, no fire!” Pickles shouted. “You burned my hair, and I don’t got that much left!” 

“Maybes you cans regrows you hairs now,” Skwisgaar said. “Dids you try?” 

Pickles, still patting out the fire Murderface had set to his dreads, cocked his head. “Huh. No, I hadn’t. Lemme try.” 

He stood, eyes rolled back nearly into his head as he looked up at his hair. 

After a minute, one singular red strand popped out. 

“Ah for fuck’s sake,” Pickles groaned. “That’s so much work! What’s the point of havin’ a magical prophecy and powers and shit if it’s this much work? It’s gonna take me a year to do this!” 

“Good things you ams starting nows then,” Skwisgaar shrugged, floating casually across the yard to pull a bit of burned hair off his dread. 

“You coulds walk, you know,” Toki scoffed. “I knows you still cans!” 

“And yous could floats, I knows you cans!” Skwisgaar protested. 

“Guys, guys!” Nathan shouted. “Look at what I can do!” 

He let out a harshest death metal yell he could, and Murderface was tossed across the yard by the force of it, screeching the entire way. 

“I’m a banshee now! This is fuckin’ awesome!” 

“Fuck you!” Murderface shouted as he ran back to them. “Give a guy schome fucking warning, you dick!” 

“Nah, it’s more fun this way,” Nathan chuckled. “Besides, you’re fine, ya big baby.” 

“You don’t know that!” Murderface shouted. 

“...You’re walking, talking, and literally fine. That’s how I know.” 

Murderface flipped them off and stomped past them to one of the picnic tables, sitting down on it hard. 

Too hard. 

There was an incredible amount of power in all of them now, and it meant a need to be careful around the now very fragile furniture (they were on couch 55 in the living room due to that.) 

This was a reminder of it, as Murderface broke the bench with the force of himself, and dropped to the ground. 

“Schtupid fucking table!” His fist to the top of the table broke it in half, and a kick from his foot sent the table’s remnants into the distance. 

“That wasn’t necessary,” Pickles sighed to the rest of them. 

“Overkills,” Skwisgaar agreed. “What ams his problems anyway? This ams supposed to bes fun!” 

“Let him be,” Nathan said. “He can come back over when he wants to stop being a total dick.” 

“I can hear you!” Murderface shouted as he stomped away into the nearby woods.

“I know!” Nathan shouted back.

“Well then don’t schay mean shit about me!” 

“Don’t do shit that makes me say mean shit about you, and I won’t!” 

“You can go fuck yourschelf!” 

“You can go fuck yourself too!” 

“I will then!” 

“Good!” 

“...the super powereds hearings...” Skwisgaar sighed. “I thoughts woulds be useful. This...ams a mockery of it.” 

“What, you don’t love bein’ able to hear Murderface bitch from a million miles away?” Pickles scoffed. “Jesus. Wonder if I can still get migraines, like this. Cause I think I feel one comin’ on, the more Murderface flaps his lips.” 

“No, we can’ts stops yet,” Toki whined. “I wants to show yous what I learns how to do!” 

“Okay,” Pickles agreed. “You show us, then we go inside and see what LSD is like on weird super powers, okay?” 

“Okay!” Toki chirped, and picked up a dandelion from the lawn. He barely looked at it, and it wilted, blackened, and turned to dust in his hand. “Sees? Neat, right?” 

Pickles and Skwisgaar ignored Nathan and Murderface’s now wordless angry shouts, and shared a look. 

“Cans you does that to like...anything?” 

Toki shrugged. “Dunno! Only tried on dandelions so far.” 

“Like...you look at it, and it dies?” Pickles asked. 

“Long as I’m also touchings it,” Toki replied. 

“Cool, very cool, but maybe be careful with that, ‘kay Toki?” Pickles said carefully. “Don’t wanna accidentally kill anything you don’t wanna, you know?” 

“I bes careful!” Toki smiled, and wrapped an arm around both of them in a tight hug. 

They both let out sighs as Toki let them go, and ran over to Nathan, another dandelion in his hand. 

“This isn’t a fuckin’ joke, is it?” Pickles asked, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean it’s fun, bein’ able to light shit on fire, ice things out, float, whatever. But...we could really hurt somebody with this shit, couldn’t we?” 

Skwisgaar nodded gravely. “I worries about Toki and Murderface. I don’ts thinks they gets it.” 

“They’ll learn though,” Pickles said. “I mean, they gotta.” 

A tree in the forest suddenly went up in flames, only to be put out by a blast of ice from an increasingly pissed off Nathan, who was trying to track Murderface from the edge of the forest. 

“Bets we can still gets drunk,” Skwisgaar said. “What says yous and I haves that LSD and some booze, and hopes they dont’s burn down the forest?” 

Pickles sighed. “That sounds good. What about Toki?” 

“Stops calling Nathans names, or I kills you!” Toki’s shriek echoed across the property. 

“Looks, I am absolvings us of this right nows,” Skwisgaar said. “Charles and Abigail ams watching from the window. Lets them deals with it if they gets out of hand.” 

It wasn’t exactly right, probably, but at least the LSD and booze would settle the rocks of worry in their stomachs. 

---

“This could get out of hand,” Abigail said, in between bites of donut. “We should go say something.” 

“They have to be responsible for this on their own,” Charles said. “Harsh as it seems. For them, at least.” 

“And you’re sure they can’t kill each other?” 

Charles stared out the window, Murderface’s path in the forest marked by the burnt, then frozen by Nathan, trees. 

“Certain as I can be.” 

“Is that certain enough?” Abigail asked, wincing as another tree went up. 

“I don’t know,” Charles admitted, and pulled out his flask again. 

They were going to need it. 

[honeyopinion]

20/20 Albums of the Year

Circles by Mac Miller  |  Hip-Hop, Soul, Funk Released: January 17, 2020

Best Album For... Pouring One Out for Mac

I wrote a few different drafts of this album summary, and none of them felt like they really fit the impossibly large bill of accurately describing the posthumous importance or brilliance of this album. If you are a fan of hip-hop or soul music of any kind, try to give this piece of work a chance. I for one, used to judge Mac based on his early frat rap days in the late 2000s. But a decade later he came to leave the world with one of the most surprising and frankly impressive artistic evolutions that I’ve been able to witness in real time. RIP Mac. 

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora 

Start With: “Circles” or “Everybody”

Marigold by Pinegrove  |  Alternative Country and Folk Rock Released: January 17, 2020

Best Album For… Passing Through a Small Town on a Cloudy Winter Day 

Pinegrove was one of the last great concerts I got to experience before the pandemic. And it was my favorite performance of theirs from the last 6 years of seeing them play live. Is this my favorite album of theirs? Honestly, it’s not. But I still find it extremely enjoyable, and the memory of seeing these songs performed live, along with some of their classics, was enough for me to include it on this list. This is an album that marks Pinegrove’s exit from their pop punk roots. It’s still sentimental, but much more country and folk rock focused vs. anything trying to be associated with emo or punk. 

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora   Start With: “The Alarmist” or “No Drugs”

Watch This Liquid Pour Itself by Okay Kaya  |  Synth Pop, Art Rock, Folk Released: January 24, 2020

Best Album For… Crywanking at 3am, Bathed in The Dull Light of Your Overheating Laptop

What if Feist and Father John Misty had a secret love child? They might sound something like Okay Kaya. Self proclaimed “Singer ~ Crywanker,” Okay Kaya brings serious BDE to weirdo art pop that she seems like she could be a plant  from the mind of Nathan Fielder. Kaya delivers with such deadpan precision as she rolls out line after line of sarcastic joy, staring blankly at our dystopian reality. “Here I am, the whole world is my daddy,” “Netflix and yeast infection,” “Sex with me is mediocre,” “I just want us to do well like Jon Bon Jovi’s Rosê,” and, “My parasite and I are blushing / In the zero interaction ramen bar,” are just a few examples of some of her memorable and biting lyrics. The entire album is both a critique and nihilistic fondness for the absurdity of our lonely technological society, not quite sure how to deal with taboos like repressed female sexuality, depression, and codependency. 

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Baby Little Tween” or “Asexual Wellbeing”

UNLOCKED by Denzel Curry and Kenny Beats  |  Hip-Hop Released: February 7, 2020

Best Album For... Nodding Your Damn Head To, Feeling Cooler Than You Actually Are

I had to double check that this was an album. Clocking in under 20 minutes, this collection of songs feels more like an EP, especially with the track titles that purposefully look like file names and placeholders. But for a short album, Denzel wastes no time, furiously zigging and zagging effortlessly over Kenny Beats’ 90s New York-indebted production (ad libs and all). Kenny pulls out samples of an array of pop culture references made by Denzel (like quotes from movies and weapon sound effects like a lightsaber) — as he rotates his flow between admirable impressions of DMX, Nas, and Joey Bada$$.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “So.Incredible.pkg” or “DIET_”

Cardboard City by Zack Villere  |  Pop, Electronic, R&B Released: February 14, 2020

Best Album For… Pal-ing Around With Your Friends From High School, Maybe Quoting Superbad At The Same Time

The first time I watched a music video from Zack Villere, I noticed the top comment said: “how did frank ocean get trapped in mark zuckerberg.” And while that definitely gets at the heart of how Zack Villere presents himself, he is not a phenomenal singer like Frank Ocean is, nor does he come off as an asshole like Mark Zuckerberg does. I would say that he is just a slightly awkward nerdy white guy who loves hip-hop production and R&B melodies. So the better question is really, “how did drake get trapped in michael cera?” This premise should not work at all, but somehow it does. This is only Villere’s second album, but he shows some serious production and songwriting chops, plus a commitment to his delivery that comes across as genuine, charming, and unique. 

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Grateful” or “Superhero Strength”

The Slow Rush by Tame Impala  |  Psych Rock, Synth Pop, Disco Released: February 14, 2020

Best Album For... Throwing a Silent Disco For One 

Tame Impala continues on their now 10 year streak of psych rock dominance. Along the way we’ve seen Kevin Parker master and stretch the boundaries of psychedelic production. This has resulted in his music coming as close to sounding like the best aspects of The Beatles, while also expanding into hip hop drums, R&B hooks, plus more and more electronic elements. This is an album that I was not super impressed with when it initially came out, but as we entered the pandemic and were tasked with finding small joys in staying at home all the time, I found myself going back to this album and appreciating the themes of solitude and self reflection that Parker has drawn from throughout his career.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Posthumous Forgiveness” or “One More Hour”

1988 by Knxwledge  |  Hip-Hop Released: March 27, 2020

Best Album For... Pumping Your Brakes and Driving Slow, Uh *Homie* Although this album is named after a year in the 80s, the sound here is a perfect portal back to 90s golden era hip-hop, with all the gospel, soul samples, and the kind of deep bass you want to feel in your chest. This is the rare, largely instrumental hip-hop album that I find myself going back to, other than works from the legendary J Dilla and MF Doom. Knxwledge is good friends and a frequent collaborator with Anderson .Paak (in the form of NxWorries). Here we get Anderson to grace us with his presence on the track “itkanbe[sonice]”, and of course it sounds just like an authentic vintage soul sample. When I hear this collection of songs it makes me wish I still had a car, so I could inevitably damage my speakers listening to this.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “dont be afraid” or “thats allwekando.”

Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa  |  Pop, R&B, Funk, Disco Released: March 27, 2020 Best Album For... Alarming Your Pet With Your Enthusiastic Lip Syncing

This album is a pure sugar rush. Like Bruno Mars with the help of Mark Ronson, or Calvin Harris a few years ago, Dua has harnessed a nostalgia (it’s even in the title, wink) for disco, funk and R&B, and is instantly a sexy, catchy, not-so-guilty pleasure. It’s sad that the majority of these songs are all bonafide club hits that didn’t have a proper home this year … except for my living room. And hopefully yours.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora 

Start With: “Pretty Please” or “Future Nostalgia”

Hold Space For Me by Orion Sun  |  Alternative R&B and Hip-Hop Released: March 27, 2020

Best Album For... Wishing Frank Ocean Was Your Dad

“Alternative R&B” is a contentious term, but what else would you call one of a few R&B singers cool enough to make it onto (NYC indie darlings) Mom+Pop Records?? On one hand, she brings the vulnerable and introverted lyrics of an indie singer songwriter like Tracey Chapman, crossed with the raw presence and sweet melodic delivery of a true R&B star like Aaliyah. I’d even go far enough to refer to her as the musical stepchild of Frank Ocean and SZA.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora

Start With: “Ne Me Quitte Pass (Don’t Leave Me)” or “Lightning”

You and Your Friends by Peach Pit  |  Indie Rock and Dream Pop Released: April 3, 2020

Best Album For... Going Back To Your College Town To Crash A Party

Peach Pit seem like they would be cool dudes to hang out with. You have no problem picturing them as the band playing a house show in an indie movie about college kids. And that’s because there’s a familiarity to the scenes that their songs portray, of stumbling through your 20s, either being too dumb or having too much fun to notice. It’s funny to refer to this as “Indie” rock since this is Peach Pit’s major label debut with Columbia Records. But It has all the trappings of Indie; sticky melodies, gentle reverb, an “I’m not trying that hard” vibe, and lyrics that are oddly specific enough to be interesting, but still vague enough to be relatable.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Feelin’ Low (Fuckboy Blues)” or “Shampoo Bottles”

Heaven To a Tortured Mind by Yves Tumor  |  Psych Rock, Indie Pop, Post-Punk, Alternative R&B, Experimental Electronic Released: April 3, 2020

Best Album For... Tearing Up The Fucking Dance Floor With Your Hot Robot Girlfriend

If Tyler the Creator, Alex G, King Krule, and Blood Orange all got into the studio together and dropped a shit ton of acid on Halloween, their recording session might sound something like Heaven To a Tortured Mind… And even then, you still might have trouble putting your finger on exactly what you’re hearing. “Dream Palette” is a good reference track for Tumor’s most wild and mesmerizing qualities. The biggest styles of the past half century of music have been loaded into this gleefully effective genre blender, with blades of dissonance slicing everything up, creating a surrealist sonic smoothie.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Super Stars” or “Dream Palette”

The New Abnormal by The Strokes  |  Indie Rock, Dirtbag Disco, Synth Pop Released: April 10, 2020

Best Album For... Mixing Yourself Another Drink This Saturday Night

Back from the dead, The Strokes return with their first album in 7 years to turn some heads and settle back into some old habits. The charming messy haired garage rock of the early 2000s still pops up here and there, but this is really a record where the group is mature enough to show you that they actually are trying, and are unafraid to take joyous swings for the fences. Julian Casablancas pushes his scratchy alley cat yelp of a voice into something more vulnerable, sunny, and sweet, like he asked for a piña colada (you know, with one of those little umbrellas) instead of a double shot of scotch before hopping up on stage… Or maybe he did both. But these days, everyone is looking for some sort of break from our groundhog day lives any way that we can. Sometimes that sounds like selling out, or depending on how you look at it, stepping up. This album is the result of a group of old friends who got together to make music they simply want to make for themselves. Now far removed from the 2000s New York scene where their younger selves were acting too cool and disaffected to care about having fun.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Eternal Summer” or “The Adults Are Talking”

The Loves of Your Life by Hamilton Leithauser  |  Indie Rock and Alternative Country Released: April 10, 2020

Best Album For... Drinking Down At The Docks, Watching The Sun Set

While I am a fan of The Walkmen, I have no idea what their frontman Hamilton Leithauser looks like or how he dresses. But hearing these songs off of his latest solo, I imagine the following: a member of Mumford and Sons if they were edgy and cooler, giving off a “cowboy rocker meets depression-era dock worker” aesthetic. That’s exactly how his music comes off to me. It’s a convincing blend of blues rock, Americana, and old timey country music. All expertly narrated by dusty country guitars and standup bass, tarnished horns and flutes, and what I imagine to be a restored saloon piano. The Loves of Your Life originally started as a collection of short stories, each about characters based on both people he knew and strangers. Leithauser then wrote the music separately, and finally came to mix and match their parts together in a surprisingly convincing fashion to create the album.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Wack Jack” or “Cross-Sound Ferry (Walk-On Ticket)”

What Kinda Music by Tom Misch and Yussef Dayes  |  Neo-Soul, Electronic, Hip-Hop

Released: April 24, 2020

Best Album For... Cooking For Someone You’re In Love With

Exactly what kind of music do Tom Misch and Yussef Dayes make? It’s orchestral, it’s jazz-infused, it’s hip-hop beats joined with gentle soul. It’s a little sexy, it’s a little mysterious, and you’re going to want to listen to it a whole lot. That’s it. That’s what kind of music it is! Send tweet. 

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “What Kinda Music” or “Storm Before The Calm”

Petals For Armor by Hayley Williams  |  Electronic Pop and Art Rock Released: May 8, 2020

Best Album For... Browsing Depop for Your Next 80s Normcore ‘Fit

Hayley, Hayley, Hayley. You are too good for this wretched world!! After exploring more adventurous sounds and genre hopping over the last few Paramore records, Hayley decided to go out on her own. This really frees herself from the expectations that come along with being the face and heart of a wildly popular band for the last 15+ years. Thom Yorke fans rejoice, because Hayley Williams has a clear admiration for Radiohead’s haunting indie electronic vibe, while emoting some pain and darkness atop her love for 80s pop and art rock (think Genesis, Devo, The Talking Heads). This is a promising new avenue for Hayley to explore herself and process her pain and desire completely on her own. I see this new project of hers only blooming further from here.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora 

Start With: “Simmer” or “Sudden Desire” 

Set My Heart On Fire Immediately by Perfume Genius  |  Indie Pop and Art Rock Released: May 15, 2020

Best Album For... Daydreaming That You Were Somewhere Else

For his 5th studio album, Perfume Genius enlists production wizard and guitar god Blake Mills, along with Grammy Award-winning arranger and multi-instrumentalist Rob Moose to create a beautiful swirling mosaic of 80s pastel pop that also packs serious classic rock grandeur. Bass guitar dances between satin smooth lines on one song to churning distorted currents on the next. Sparkling string arrangements and organs bleed together to expose a fading sunset that you’ll want to try and hold in your hands to keep it in sight. Perfume Genius is unafraid to challenge traditional masculinity, packing a 21st century queer machismo into both the quiet moments and jubilant explosions.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora 

Start With: “Without You” or “Describe”

græ by Moses Sumney  |  Indie Pop, Art Rock, Neo-Soul, Psychic Folk Released: May 15, 2020

Best Album For... Astral Projection 101 

I mean this in the best way possible, but I think that Moses Sumney is a witch. Or maybe a wizard? There’s no other reasonable explanation for the level of creativity and wonder that he summons. This album feels like a private concert by a waterfall (similar to one on the cover), with ethereal pleas, and heavy ideas—like meditating on what lies beyond the constraints of the physical self and reconsidering how well we can actually trust memory and the mind. Sumney layers his voice to create the effect of a ghostly choir, accented by a stark intimidating falsetto that reverberates through the ruins of an abandoned temple where Sumney is the only one in attendance.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Cut Me” or “Polly”

WILL THIS MAKE ME GOOD by Nick Hakim  |  Psychedelic Neo-Soul Released: May 15, 2020

Best Album For... Playing Pool in a Hazy Dive Bar

Nick Hakim is a silky smooth smokey crooner who paints with warbly piano loops, dreamy reverb-heavy guitar, boom bap beats—not to mention a falsetto that would make Smokey Robinson jealous. Clearly a fan of Motown and 60s jazz, Hakim could be considered a peer of Thunder Cat and Anderson .Paak’s to a degree. I remember seeing him perform at Music Hall of Williamsburg a few years ago. The performance ended with him falling down on stage (presumably from being under the influence of multiple substances). But while the song continued he popped back up and belted an impressive high note like it was nothing, drink in hand. And it’s that kind of messy beauty that also makes this album so engrossing. Like watching the eye of the storm get closer and closer, but unable to look away from the sheer magnetism that nature can wield.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  Start With: “All THESE CHANGES” or “ALL THESE INSTRUMENTS”

RTJ4 by Run The Jewels  |  Hip-Hop Released: June 3, 2020

Best Album For... Making Your Next Protest Sign

Run The Jewels’ fourth outing might be the most unapologetically angry rap album in the “fuck this” year of 2020. And it reminded me that I should absolutely still be furious about everything that happened during this groundbreaking yet terrifyingly familiar year: country wide protests over the continued murder of innocent black people at the hands of the police, government drone strikes and detaining kids in cages, the state of our environment worsening—and that’s not even addressing the pandemic or election. Killer Mike and El-P are here to scream from the rooftops that our current system of cutthroat capitalism and white supremacy is killing the planet and its inhabitants, and I’m glad that they’re using their platform to continue to sound the alarm.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “out of sight” or “ooh la la”

Your Hero Is Not Dead by Westerman  |  New Wave Revival and Indie Pop Released: June 5, 2020 Best Album For... Wanting Your Old School MTV

The cover of Westerman’s first proper album is mostly black and white, except for the title, which is scrawled out in lettering which spans the Crayola color spectrum. It’s an album that on the surface is cold and buttoned up, but when these choruses open up, the maximalist 80s power pop bursts like the bulbs of a neon sign. There’s a level of even-keeled cool and confidence in small moments on display here that makes this relatively new artist seem well beyond his years. Having seen him play at Rough Trade a few years ago (opening up for the stellar Puma Blue), the songwriting growth on display on this record is impressive. I’m only sad that there wasn’t an opportunity to have seen him play these new songs live.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora 

Start With: “Easy Money” or “Confirmation (SSBD)” 

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers  |  Indie Rock and Alternative Country Released: June 18, 2020

Best Album For... Burning Incense and Breaking Out a Ouija Board to Talk to The Ghost of Your Former Self

This is without a doubt, a career defining release for Phoebe. Taking everything she’s learned from writing, performing, and touring with the likes of Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker (in boygenius), and Conor Oberst (in Better Oblivion Community Center), Bridgers levels up to become the truly prolific singer-songwriter she’s been telling us she would always be. Bridgers has explained her personal definition of “a punisher” as a well meaning person who’s, “just talking to you and they don’t realize that your eyes are glazed over and you’re trying to escape.” Vital to understanding this album and its central message is that Phoebe finds herself caught between the contradiction of falling victim to this phenomenon while also doing it herself, especially if she ever met her musical idol, Elliott Smith. Punisher serves as a warning to her audience that if you focus too much on trying to find yourself through other people (via escaping through fandom, drugs, toxic relationships), you’ll always feel lost and dissatisfied, without the proper self awareness to ever quite know why. 

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Start With: “Garden Song” or “ICU”

Women In Music Pt. III by HAIM  |  Rock, Pop, Folk, R&B Released: June 26, 2020

Best Album For... Preparing For A Better 2021, lol 

With this album, HAIM skyrocketed to the #1 position of family bands that start with an “H.” Sorry, Hanson! But seriously, HAIM has outdone themselves on this one. If there was one album from this list that I would dub my personal AOTY, this would be it. You might wince at any tracklist longer than 10-12 songs these days (I know I usually do), but almost every song proves itself worthy, pulling at a different thread of my heart until there’s nothing left. Sunshine State Beach Pop? Check. Blues Tinged Dad Rock? Yup! Dive Bar Country? Mmhmm! No, wait, what’s that you say, Glitched-Out R&B? Yes, yes, and yes. You can have it all, sister! ‘Cause when you’re Haim, you’re family! ;) And these three “women in music” continue to prove that they are just about the best Assorted Pop Rocks(™) act in the world right now.

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Start With: “I’ve Been Down” or “Don’t Wanna”

Lianne La Havas by Lianne La Havas  |  Neo-Soul and Indie Pop Released: July 17, 2020

Best Album For... Sipping Coffee and Journaling on a Weekend Morning

This album exudes a warm vulnerability, like a comforting hug we all needed this year. On her third album, Lianne La Havas makes the risky decision to self title it, a move that artists make when they believe that it is the piece of work that they most want most directly associated with their name. It’s one thing to name your first album after yourself if you can’t think of anything else at the time, but to make a self titled album in the middle of your career, it means that you are sure about having captured who you really are and who you want people to remember you as. “If I love myself, I know I can't be no one else,” La Havas admits on the standout track, “Paper Thin.” She knows that she will meet her destiny and reach self actualization, but only through self love. And finally, I cannot overstate how breathtaking La Havas’s voice comes across on this album. The strength and control on display in her vocal tone and vibrato is quite a spectacle. 

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Start With: “Paper Thin” or “Sour Flower”

Limbo by Aminé  |  Hip-Hop and R&B Released: August 7, 2020

Best Album For... Trying and Get Over Kanye With

On Limbo, Aminé establishes himself as one of the torchbearers of soul-sampling, lyrics-driven hip-hop that still cares about storytelling, skits, and presenting vocals clearly. Kanye West, Drake, and J. Cole all paved the way for someone from the next generation like Aminé to keep the dream alive and avoid succumbing to the “feel good, don’t think” form of passive listening that mumble rap has made the standard for mainstream hip-hop.

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Start With: “Pressure In My Palms” or “My Reality”

Shore by Fleet Foxes  |  Folk and Indie Rock Released: September 22, 2020

Best Album For... Running Along The Beach With Your Arms Stretched Out

It was really kind of Robin Pecknold and co. to have released an album this triumphant, calming, and awe-inspiring during the year of our Lorde 2020. On behalf of myself and anyone else who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder, the SAD people of the world really needed this, man. And to anyone who is quick to judge these beard-o’s of being boring, you’re simply not using your ears properly. Yeah, you know those two things on either side of your head? Get the gunk out of them! That way you’ll hear the choir of angels with acoustic guitars who are here to guide us through quarantine and beyond. 

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Start With: “Can I Believe You” or “A Long Way Past The Past” 

Listen to all of these albums together in our playlist.

[rovvboat]

The Carnival’s In Town - Cable/Nathan Summers x Reader

Prompts: ‘‘You make me feel alive’’ // ‘’Don’t sell yourself short.’’ // ‘’You were always gold to me.’’

word count: 3.2k (i dont know how,,,,,,,,, :’’))

A/N: Probably not what you think it is :P Requested by the amazing @marvel-forever-17 !! Hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it! <3 <3 <3 <3

Warnings: a teeny tiny bit of angst :’’’) but a whooooooole lot of fluff aslkjlksjfklsdf

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘’Can we PLEASE go?’’

You tugged Nathan’s hand towards the poster – flapping carelessly in the dry, hot summer breeze, kept in place only by one poorly hammered nail on its’ top edge. The poster’s clipart of a shiny Ferris wheel in the background had caught your eye; glinting under the bright sunlight as the poster pulsated against the wind.

You thought some fresh air out of the mansion would do you both some good – and you were right. The light breeze, the sunlight warm against the surface of your skin – all the right ingredients for a nice walk –  as you trod along the garden with your boyfriend next to you – barefoot on the soft grass – toes wide and exploring, as you gently wade through the blades; just to get a feel of the Earth beneath you. 

Nathan hadn’t rejected your offer of taking off your shoes – which was a huge surprise on its’ own, and here you were – hand in hand, feet free and roaming, now looking at the carnival poster.

‘’What? Aren’t you too old for this?’’ He asks incredulously, taking a look at the poster then back at you.

‘’No one’s too old for the carnival, Nate!’’ You argue, eyes wide and hopeful. You bring up his hand, big and relenting, to your chin, clasping it between your two hands. ‘’Pleeeease? It’s been so long! I promise I’ll win something for you!’’

You give him your biggest puppy-dog eyes, as Nathan watches your pleas – like a parent would a child – head tilted, face set into a soft, thin-lipped ‘’do we really have to?’’, followed by a few moments of deliberation. When he finally closes his eyes, he lets out a deep breath of surrender –

and there it was.

You let out a victorious squeal, and launch yourself at him into a hug, and Nathan only chuckles at your child-like enthusiasm – his eyes smile and crinkle up in the way they do when you know he’s truly happy and most comfortable; his usual taut and rough demeanor nowhere to be seen.

‘’I better get the biggest prize in there, Puddin’. Else, you got a pretty big price to pay.’’ He raises his brow at you, lips pulled into a smirk – which you end up mirroring back to him.

You salaciously walk two fingers from his stomach and up to his chest, getting your face in real close as you do. You lower your voice into a seductive whisper, ending the last syllable inches away from his ear – ‘’Well, experience tells me that I’m well-equipped for that.’’

Nathan feels his heart rate rise tenfold with every move of your fingers, and when you finally opened your mouth, the words seemed to burst an electric socket in his stomach – the heat moving up to his cheeks.

But Nathan wasn’t one to be teased.

Not without repercussions.

He tilts his head close to yours, a smug arrogance flashing in his eyes as he brings up a hand to your face, placed right under your chin, his thumb slowly running over the edges of your lips – his touch just light enough to make it seem like a million sparks on the most sensitive parts. ‘’Oh yeah, Doll?’’ His voice gravelly against your ears, a strong feeling lifts with desire in your chest; as his other hand has somehow found its place on your waist. ‘’You really wanna test that out again?’’

Your smile widens, eyes narrowing as you push him and his advances away; A hearty laugh escaping you, as he grabs you from behind, lifting you up into the air. ‘’Oh, you think you could get away that easy?’’ His fingers skillfully make contact with the one place of your weakness, and within seconds you’re wheezing and squirming as Nathan tickles you into oblivion – no signs of stopping anytime soon.

‘’Oh God, Nate! Stop– No!’’ You try grabbing for his hands, but he maneuvers over them like a pro.

‘’Should’ve paid more attention when you were sparring with me, huh baby?’’ He razzes around you, his fingers dancing across your most touchy spots, mapped out in his head and hands like his childhood home.

‘’OKAY! OKAY! I GIVE! YOU WIN!’’ You heave and laugh, and when he doesn’t let go, you bring out your secret weapon.

Digging your heels into the ground, you lift yourself off and crash against Nathan, who’s caught off-guard and loses his footing – and you both go down, falling onto the soft, still dewy grass with a graceful thud.

As you come to nice position over Nathan, straddling over his waist – pinning him down by his wrists – you let your face hover over his.

‘’Truce?’’ Nathan offers, his lips twisting into a yielding smile.

‘’Oh, not that easy, big guy.’’ You lower yourself closer to him, noses brushing for a second, before your lips meet in succession; gentle puckering and pushing of soft skin – somehow cool even under the increasingly sweltering heat – that was meant for kisses like these.

You pull away as you feel yourself getting breathless, catching a breath before breaking the silence with a smirk and a statement.

‘’Now we’re even.’’

 **

You roll over in your nice cozy bed, the soft wool wrapped snug around you, as Nathan’s arm holds you close by your stomach – his chest sidled up, warm and secure, against your back; the slight rise and fall now coming more into focus, as your eyes blink open.

You look straight into the digital clock on your bedside table, and a surge of excitement jumpstarts your muscles. You flip over again to wake Nathan up in the wee hours of the morning, ever so determined to beat the crowds and the heat that was always inevitable at carnivals.

‘’Nate.’’ You nudge him gently and whisper, so as to not startle him awake. ‘’Babe, wake up. It’s time to go.’’

He takes a deep breath as one eye opens, the other still squished against the pillow. He sleepily groans as he stretches out his arms in front of him – twisting a little to the side – before squeezing you back into his arms, pulling you back onto the bed as his eyes go back to being shut.

‘’Nathan, wake up already!’’ You whine as you wriggle out of his grip. You grab your pillow and throw it at him -- and he lets out another groan.

 ‘’C’mon we gotta go!’’ You brush past him from the shower as he lazily brushes his teeth at the sink. He spits out the foamed toothpaste – ‘’Babe, it’s still 6am. I’m sure we have plenty of time to get there and go on all the rides.’’ – He grabs a mouthful of water before gargling and spitting out the residue, and as you watch him through the doorway – dressed in his boxers still, the tired still not completely gone from his eyes – the biggest sense of gratitude washes over you.

Who on God’s green Earth would wake up at 6 in the fucking A.M. to get ready to go to a carnival at the will of their partner?

Nathan fuckin’ Summers, that’s who.

You stride over to him as he looks over, drying his mouth against one of his face towels – eyes expectantly waiting for you speak.

You tiptoe against the cool tiles of the bathroom, placing a smacking kiss on the side of his cheek, your hand pushing him into the kiss from his other cheek – the stubble would normally deter you from that particular action, but today felt like a good exception.

Nathan has his brows raised, ‘’And that was for?’’

‘’Take a guess, sherlock.’’

‘’I thought you said you wouldn’t kiss my cheek until I shaved – and I quote – ’that God-forsaken cactus face of yours’.’’ He enquires.

‘’Today’s an exception, and there’s more where that came from.’’ You wink as you get back to the wardrobe to get changed.

Nathan watches you sift through the wardrobe, and when you find your underwear and bra, you toss the towel onto the bed, leaving his hungry eyes on your body for the taking – as you quickly put one foot after another, sliding your soft cotton panties up the length of your legs.

You could practically feel Nathan’s gaze bearing over you – and you turn your head to him, signaling to him with a few deliberate clicks of your fingers.

‘’Better get to showering, old man. We’re burning daylight!’’

Nathan scoffs, nudging the door close with his leg – though not completely closed as the door comes to a slight squeaking stop as the latch bolt hits the frame. A nifty little convenience trick – who needs bathroom locks whilst showering if you both always make room for ways to join each other?

You smile at the little force of habit that’s become ingrained to muscle memory – when Nathan’s exaggerated voice echoes from the bathroom.

‘’See, now I’ve got to take a cold shower because of you.’’

You pull on your jeans and put on your T-shirt, before walking by the bathroom door, and push the door to let you a small opening –

‘’Thank you for your sacrifice!’’

Nathan huffs a laugh against the spraying showerhead, and within a few minutes, he’s out and dressed and waiting by the door. It was a wonder how he could do that – wake up 5 minutes before leaving and still be ready before anyone else – ‘’It’s called being prepared, darlin’. I could teach you a thing or two about that.’’ He’d quote whenever you’d ask how the fuck he got ready so quickly.

As you walk down the steps of the mansion – quietly so as to not disturb the others – you hear a familiar voice from the top of the steps – ‘’Where are you little love birds off to? Finally eloping form this place I see. Well don’t worry, I’ll keep my mouth shut–‘’ Wade jumps off the banister and onto the first floor with a thud, and a cracking sound of his knees– ‘’if you tell me where you’re going. Fuck that always hurts’’ He ends his spiel as he goes to smooth out his legs.

‘’We’re headed for the carnival!’’

‘’WHAT?! It’s still fucking dark out! What are you gonna ride there? Mr. FullMetal Dick in the middle of the fairgrounds?’’

You laugh at Wade’s reaction – ‘’Relax you whiny pop tart, we’re just heading there first to get a good feel of the place. We’ll meet you there!’’

‘’What’s all this noise about? It’s too early in the morning.’’ A disgruntled NTW walks out of her room, second from the top of the stairs. ‘’What are you guys doing up so early?’’

‘’Sorry for waking you Ellie! We were just headed for the carnival and – ‘’

You stop when you hear an annoyed grunt coming from your side. ‘’Look kids, Me and Y/N are gonna head out first. I’ve only got room for 2 on my ride – so if you really wanna join us, you’re gonna have to get a ride from our ridesharing friend, Dopinder.’’

As he finishes his matter-of-fact speech, he lifts you off your feet– ‘’Nate, what are you–‘’ and carries you over his shoulder.

‘’If you will excuse me, I’ve got my lady to please.’’

Your body goes limp against him, as he walks out the door and over to the garage, where he has his bike parked. ‘’Adios amigos! See you at the carnival!’’ you wave as NTW waves back and closes the front door.

  Your arms tighten around Nathan's thick, strong waist – your body sidling up against the leather jacket on his back, as he revvs the engine of his bike. His head turns to side, and he speaks up.

"Ready, doll?"

"You know it, Summers."

He revvs the engines once more, and in an instant, the both of you are blasting down the road and onto the freeway – the wind furiously whipping past you as the bike belts against the tarmac. Nathan zips between the few cars on the road, as your breath hitches with exhilaration – ‘’Hold on tight, darlin’.’’ His powerful voice cautions you, as he speeds up again, faster than you’ve ever gone – and something makes you want to let go and feel the winds above you.

You lift your body a little off the seat – arms held high over your head, as you howl out in joy. You watch the land extend far out into the horizon, the sun rising high and fast – the sky turning from the morning’s crisp golden sunrise to a blue as blue can get – the clouds white and puffy and running across the shifting blue canvas, as you and Nathan hurtle towards the bright new day.

  You were never afraid – ever – when you had Nathan around. He’d always had your back, and you’ve had his. Fighting monsters, ghouls, demons, robots – the whole shebang. You remember, clear as day, when you confronted your feelings for him.

You wished it was a planned thing – but being an X-Men meant plans change faster than the weather – and the very morning that you brought Nathan out to ‘’talk’’ was interrupted by a particularly intense attack by 3 sentinels and Master Mold.

You remember the way you stood between a beaten down NTW, facing off the Master Mold alone – You lifted yourself off the ground and up into the air – using your super strength to leap bounds onto the robot – making strong contact with the Mold, enough to cause it to stumble backwards and give NTW a chance to get to safety. But you almost had the winds knocked out of you when a sentinel crashed into you with all of it monstrous force; your head and body lamenting at the shock of contact, absorbing all of the damage – your brain much too pumped with adrenaline to feel the pain, as the colossal impact of the sentinel flung your body across the length of the large backyard of the mansion.

You touch down onto the approaching ground, hard and fast – your back scraping against the ground as the heavy friction slows down you down -- after what seemed like miles of tasting dirt -- to a halt.

The clouds of dust from the small baseball field has you in a coughing fit, as you force your body to rise from the ground. A disembodied voice calls out from the blur of the powdered Earth, panicked and terrified and booming with worry; a voice you knew well enough to call home.

‘’Y/N? Fuck.’’ You see the glint of his one T.O. eye advancing towards you – but that’s the thing with feeling safe and found and cared for;

The pain that was previously subdued by the adrenaline of fight of flight, wavers in and out, and before you know it – the agony of your bones that had their screams silenced are now fifty times louder, and that’s when you yell out in pain.

You fall onto your knees – but Nathan’s quick enough that he catches you, preventing anymore damage. You control your breathing – labored and struggling – trying to breathe through the pain. Nathan holds your body up with his, your back resting on his chest.

‘’Kid, hey, can you hear me?’’ He holds your face up with his hand, ‘’Speak to me, Y/N. C’mon.’’ His voice was desperate, but you were in too much pain to talk.

Instead, you hum a little sound of assurance. ‘’Mmmhmm…’’

‘’Okay. Okay. You’ll be okay, I promise. I need you to focus on your breathing okay?’’

You felt the sting of your wounds against the cold morning air – buzzing furiously in your nerve impulses, as every repressed pain response  came flooding into every corner of your thoughts.

But you remember one thing – and you somehow manage to speak it as you were slowly blacking out.

‘’Cable?’’

‘’Yes? Kid, I’m here, I’m here, please don’t go sleeping on me now.’’ He was fully focused getting the worst of your injuries in check – but stops when you put a hand on his arm.

‘’I was going… to say… that I really like… love you.’’

Nathan’s throat gets tight, caught completely off-guard by your confession in the midst of his panic, where his mind was previously running completely wild, now came to a complete standstill – and only regains momentum when he feels your heart rate slow down through his T.O. eye; but you – you weren’t afraid of anything – not when Nathan was around.

 You’re brought back to the present by Nathan’s enquiring, ‘’You okay, kid?’’

You realise you were holding onto to him tighter than a corset, and you ease up your arms into a snug hug. Nathan had slowed down considerably – mainly due to the increasing traffic – but you could now see the shape of the Ferris wheel ahead, sounding out a pleased ‘’AHA!’’  

Nathan takes the rest of the ride slow and steady – which gives you a chance to recount how your confession panned out.

*** 

You woke up, of course, in the mansion’s emergency room, on one of their best beds – which was news to you because they only saved the best beds for the worst injuries – and by the soft, fluffy feel of the bed AND a neck pillow? You probably already died and gone to heaven.

You let yourself get a feel of your body; eyes still closed.

It felt like a millennia since you’ve used it. You wriggle your toes and your fingers, before stretching out on the bed.

The sudden movements on the bed stirs Nathan awake from your bed side, and he sits up straight, his hand reaching for yours.

When you open your eyes, it’s all fuzzy and dark, only the fluorescent lights from the hallway outside (and the beeping monitor screens) illuminating the room. You suddenly feel a hand in yours, and when you look up, there was Nathan – looking at you with relief.

‘’Glad you’re finally awake, kid.’’ His eyes were soft, grateful even.

‘’Mmmm yeah. I don’t really remember what happened. Care to fill me in? I mean, it must’ve been a big one if I’m back in here again after all these years.’’

‘’Don’t sell yourself short, kid.’’ He exhales, almost as if he had to stop himself from elaborating.

He leans in close to you, pulling you in by the waist – you sensed a tension, a fatigue in his demeanor, as he breathes out a heavy sigh; holding you tight, his face smothered into your neck.

You hug him back, the sweet gesture more than welcome, especially coming from Nathan.

He pulls back a little, with you still in his arms, and explains. ‘’Well, before you faded away, I was gonna say… that I really like– love you too.’’

And everything clicks for you. The crash, the shooting pain, the glint of his eye in the dust cloud.

The I really love you.

***

You feel the blood rush into your cheeks, as Nathan pulls the bike into a stop in front of the carnival. You shake it off, before swinging your leg up and off the bike.

‘’Ready to get your ass kicked, Summers? I’m gonna be gold at these games.’’

‘’You were always gold to me, darlin’.’’ He tugs you close to him, pressing a loving kiss onto your temple.

***

His soft lips depart from your temple, ‘’I was so afraid that I was going to lose you.’’ His forehead lingers over yours, his slow steady breath exhaling as a means of respite.

‘’What can I say, Summers? You make me feel alive.’’ You jest in a whisper, pulling him into a soft, binding kiss.

***

You step back from Nathan’s lips when you hear an obnoxious honking noise.

‘’HEY! This is a FAMILY-ORIENTED EVENT! NO KISSING ALLOWED!’’ Wade bellows from Dopinder’s taxi, leaning in front of the wheel as he presses on the wheel.

You flash a knowing smile at Nathan, who offers up a hand to you.

You take it, interlocking with his fingers and swinging your arms as you stride into the carnival entrance – ready for yet another new day, a new adventure, with Nathan; one of the many that you will keep remembered for a rainy day.