#please jesus let something go horribly wrong

[hraeesvelgr]

been following woops' pov while watching balloonsmp and im having a blast

[yamumsyadadd]

the forgotten girl (9)

originally post on my old account, posting twice weekly :)

Alexia’s POV 

“You alright there capi?” Lucy giggled watching as I gripped my glass tighter and tighter. 

“I’m fine Lucia.” Gritted through teeth. 

Jealousy was freely flowing through my veins. Why did Misa and Alba get to dance with her like that? I wanted it to be me and only me. I wasn’t usually possessive, but Amelia made me do irrational things. 

As Amelia almost fell over her own feet on the dance floor, Misa grabbed her waist. That was it. I’d had enough. 

“Ale, stop. She’s having fun.” Keira placed a hand on my chest as soon as I got up. “Let her enjoy this.“

“No. She’s too drunk, I’m taking her home.” Pushing passed Keira was quiet easy, considering she was shorted and less muscular. 

By the time I pushed through the bodies on the dance floor, Alba had gone back to the bar leaving Misa and Amelia grinding on each other. She smiled at me and reached her arm out to invite me. 

“No. We are going home. Let’s go.” I tugged her arm, pulling her out of Misa’s grip. 

“Ale stop. I don’t want to go home yet.” 

“I don’t care. Let’s go. I’ll drag you out if I have to.” She gave up the fight, letting me pull her through the crowd, past our friends who were all watching on, very confused and not understanding what was happening. By the time we were outside she was starting to fight back. 

“Alexia! Alexia stop! What is wrong with you?” 

“You! You’re what is wrong with me!”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Alexia?” She scoffed, crossing her arms against her chest. She was mad. 

“Forget about it. Just get in the car and let me take you home. Please.” 

Shaking her head and refusing to move, “no. You don’t get to say that and then tell me to forget about it. You’re an adult Alexia. use your words.” 

“I am in love with you! No one is you. Jesus!” 

“Alexia no. You love Olga. She is your person, not me.” 

“Olga broke up with me.” I say quietly. Not quite ready to admit the truth. She could see I loved her, but I was in love with you. 

“She broke up with you because you love me.” It almost sounded like she was trying to make sense of it herself.  

“I have always loved you Amelia. Even when you left me, I didn’t stop loving you. You tore my heart out of my fucking chest and all I wanted was you. All I want is you. I can’t keep being just friends with you. Maybe because your eyes remind me so much of the nights we fell asleep wrapped in each other's warmth Or maybe when you smile it makes my body shiver because I know that smile used to be because of me. I can't see that with my eyes and pretend like it's ony. Because it's not. I can't be just friends with you, because every time I see you I fall in love again." 

The tears were running down both our faces. Silence engulfed us. 

“Please say something mil.” It came out more like a sob. 

“Alexia, I ca-“ 

“What’s going on? Are you okay?” Keira’s engulfed Mil in a hug, Alba and Lucy standing either side of them. Keira’s face was mad, Lucy’s was sad and Alba she was unreadable. 

“Take me home please Kei.” With that, Keira turned them both around, walking away and leaving me there, again. 

“Wait Mil please!” I tried to go after them but Lucy’s hand caught my arm. 

“Stop Ale. She’s drunk, let Keira take her home and you can have the conversation later. Come on, I’ll take you home.” Lucy was firm but soft. Not waiting to push too much. 

Alba chewed me out in the drive home. I wasn’t even listening to be honest. The tears never stopped falling, all I could think about was Amelia. What would have happened if we’d tried sooner? Or if she never left? It had always been here, I knew it from the moment I met her but I was with Jenni then. 

Lucy left after dropping alba and I at my apartment. It was a horrible ride in the elevator. Alba wouldn’t stop. She didn’t stop when we got inside, or when I walked away from her, she just followed and continued to chew me out. 

“Alba stop! I fucked up okay. I love her and I have for years. I don’t need you telling me over and over again that I fucked up. I am well aware of that fact.” 

“You love her? What about Olga?” 

“She broke up with me. 3 weeks ago.” 

“Ale-“

“No don’t! I don’t need your pity right now. I need you to tell me what to do to fix this. I can’t lose Amelia again. I can’t go through that pain again. Alba please help me fix this.” The last sentence came out as a whisper, a sob was caught in the back of my throat and as soon as Alba wrapped her arms around me, it all came crashing down. 

I was going to lose Amelia. Again.  

[dbnightingale24]

React

A Stepcest Love Story About Jim

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Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

I think my internet has finally stopped hating me, but I can't be too sure. We'll see what happens.

Word Count: 5,531

Warning(s): SMUT (MINORS DNI), Swearing, Stepcest, Infidelity, Step-Daughter/Step-Father relations, Family Drama, Forbidden Love, Lying, Sneaking Around, Emotional Cheating, Drinking, Self Loathing, FLUFF, Crying...I think that's it?

Summary: You and Jim have discovered that you don't want to stop, and don't even want to entertain the idea of it.

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I do not give permission/consent for my stories/works to get posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior/relationship, this is for entertainment purposes only.

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Chapter 4

You and Jim are horrible people, there’s no other way to put it. Jim woke you up the next day with his head between your legs, and you didn’t even attempt to stop him. Nor did you stop him when he told you get on top of him and get yourself off on him. The first two hours of the day were spent getting lost in one another and, for a moment, you forgot why it was wrong.

Then, you heard your Mother the second you opened the basement door.

“Well, why did ya sleep on the sofa, Jim?!” she snapped.

“My kids are still asleep, Y/M/N,” he huffed as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “You were a mess yesterday and-”

“I wasn’t that bad.”

“I had to carry you up the stairs in the middle of the movie.”

“Listen, I’m sorry, okay? I got nervous and they seemed to take more to-”

“That’s been your reason for every time your shit faced now, and it’s always Y/N’s fault.”

“I don’t say that it is-”

“Yes you do, and she’s only here because you asked her to come! Jesus, where’s the woman I met? The woman I fell in love with?!” he snipped and your heart broke.

You wished you’d never come back.

“And you? What do you think?” your Mother asked once she spotted you trying to creep out of the kitchen.

“Please, leave me out-”

“What do you think?” she snapped.

You let out a heavy sigh, because you knew how the rest of the day was going to go.

“I think I should’ve never come back,” you sighed as you leaned against the entry way. “I feel like you do better when we don’t see each other, and I’m not even mad about that. That’s how things have always been between us, and I don’t know why I expected it to change. Since I’ve been home, you’ve been drinking non-stop and an emotional wreck. You asked me to come back and I feel like it’s something I shouldn’t have done. I messed up your progress,” you finished softly as you toyed with your fingers, avoiding her hurt and irritated gaze.

As far as she was concerned, you and Jim were ganging up on her. Hell, if you hadn’t spent the previous night and that morning fucking her husband, you would’ve been able to feel like you weren’t ganging up on her. However, the guilt was eating you alive instantly, and it only got worse when she grabbed a bottle of whiskey off of the top of the fridge. 

It wasn’t even 10am and she’d snapped.

She was drunk off of her ass by 12pm, which meant that it was up to you to save the day for your...step-siblings. 

The day wasn’t even hard because you didn’t like them, it was hard because of what you’d done. With their Father. It didn’t help that they really had seemed to take a liking to you, and they wanted to do everything with you. Especially after your Mother passed out at 1:30pm.

“You alright, Angel?” Jim asked softly once he’d closed the door behind him to your bedroom.

The room that was right next to your Mother’s.

“It’s fine. They go back tomorrow and I’ll go to Ciara’s-”

“I want you here-”

“We already had this talk. Once was enough, Jim.”

“Angel-”

“It’s wrong! You’re married to her! Even if you get a divorce, she’s still my Mother! We can’t just...no, this can’t happen again.”

“I’ve been thinkin’ about ya all day, Angel,” he confessed softly as he made his way closer to your bed.

“You’ve been thinkin’ about fuckin’ me.”

“No, I’ve been thinkin’ about you,” he confirmed softly. “Your smile, the way you laugh, the sound of your laugh, how caring and sincere you are, how thoughtful-”

“Jim-”

“I’ve been thinking about you,” he promised as his right hand cupped the side of your face. “Have you been thinking about me?”

“Jim-”

“Have you?” he asked sincerely as he focused your gaze on him.

It slipped out before you even had a chance to stop yourself.

“Yes.”

You honestly hadn’t meant to get so caught up in the kiss, and you hadn’t meant to give him a blowjob. However, both of those things happened, which led to him fucking senseless in your bed.

Which is, once again, right next to your Mother’s bedroom. The bedroom that she shares with your Stepfather.

You couldn’t get out of that house fast enough the following day. However, when you got to Ciara’s, she wasn’t proving to be much help either. 

“I’m sorry, you two did what?! How many times?!” she squealed before she took a sip of wine.

“We only did that position once, but we had sex.. a few times,” you mumbled, very clearly ashamed of yourself. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“You’re in love,” she shrugged as if it was the most simple thing in the world.

“I’m in love with my Stepfather. He’s married to my Mother-”

“Your Mother is awful.”

“Be that as it may, she’s my Mother. She wanted to start a new chapter with Jim, and her new found sense of-”

“She did this, love. She created this fake version of herself, then let it all come crumbling down when you came home. She invited you back, then had a meltdown on the both of you. Is this right? Of course not. However, do I understand it? Of course. I know you feel terrible, and I would too, but lets not pretend you meant for any of this to happen. Hell, you didn’t even know she’d gotten married. Yes, it’s wrong, but you both did your best to fight this and seemed like the harder you two fought against it, the more she went out of her way to be problematic,” she sighed as your phone went off again. “What’s goin’ on there?”

“Jim and my Mother have been messaging me all day,” you muttered with an eye roll. “She wants me to come back because she feels awful and is tired of driving me away. He wants me to come back because he misses me and wants to fall asleep next to me. I’m staying far the fuck away from both of them.” 

“You’ll be goin’ back soon enough, and that should help,” she smiled mournfully.

Honestly? It should’ve. It should’ve been enough to keep you focused and your thoughts away from all of the other bullshit. It’s your final year, and you have so many things to figure out. You need to decide on a job, figuring out living arrangements, where you’re going to live, and a million other things. However, Jim was persistent. If he wasn’t calling and texting, he was sending you flowers with the cutest notes attached. 

By day four, you’d crumbled and told him to come to Ciara’s. 

He took you out to dinner at a cute little restaurant outside of town, and spent the entire time picking your brain. He wanted to know if you were excited or nervous about graduating (you told him that it’s an evil mixture of both), he wanted to know if there’s anything in particular you’re excited about getting back to (you told him about the cute dog adoption center that’s not too far from campus that you visit when you’re feeling too overwhelmed), and he wanted to know your favorite things (that had you rambling longer than you meant to).

Yes, the whole thing was sweet, but you rightfully had your reservations.

“Jim, how do you know this is real? No to be a total fucking cunt, but this will be your second failed marriage. What makes you so sure this will work?” you asked softly before you took a sip of your drink.

“This isn’t like what Yvonne and I did. I was in a good marriage and I fucked it up. I fucked it up for selfish reasons and looked for everyone to blame but myself. This...I honestly never knew this side to your Mum. If I had, I wouldn’t have married her in the first place. Yvonne and I...it started for all the wrong reasons. It started for selfish reasons on both of our parts, but this isn’t wrong or selfish, I promise.”

“Your wife made you unhappy-”

“Don’t. This isn’t something I started because I was havin’ a bad day. You just...you’re so beautiful, Angel. I don’t just mean on the outside. You step up when you shouldn’t have to, you’re thoughtful, you’re so damn funny, you’re witty, you’re patient, you’re painfully considerate...I could go on for hours. When everything started to fall apart, you stepped up and kept a level head. Between the two of us, you were the more mature and calm one. Hell, this whole thing started because I can’t control my feelings for you.”

“What about when I make you mad?” you asked timidly as you toyed with your fingers. 

“You’re not your Mum, Angel. We can talk things out and make it work. We can have an actual relationship that works.”

“Your kids-”

“They love you-”

“As their step-sister.”

“They’ll get used to it.”

“Jim-”

“Angel, I love you and I want this with you. I know I have a lot to prove, but I’m willing to try if you are. We’ll...test this out for a few months and you can decide-”

“A few months?! Jim, she’s my Mother-”

“I’m filing for a divorce, Angel. No matter what we do, I’m filing for a divorce. Things aren’t what they were and they never will be again,” he confessed with a scoff, but you could hear the pain in his voice.

He really thought he got it right with your Mother.

“We can’t...we have to take our time with this,” you told him softly as you tried to force yourself to come to terms with what you were saying.

What you were agreeing to.

“We can do whatever you want, Angel. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“We should wait until we have sex again.”

“If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do,” he promised with a nod as the waiter came over to ask if you both if you wanted anything else.

You folded like a lawn chair the second you and Jim were in front of Ciara’s house. You pulled him to the backseat of his car and had him until you were both spent. He ended up sleeping over Ciara’s that night, and he held you so close, as if he were afraid you’d run off in the night.

No, none of it had gone ideally. You and Jim spent every moment you could together, and he made it so easy to ignore the guilt. Every kiss, every touch, every date, every laugh...he made you forget how wrong all of it was. He made you forget that the both of you were committing the worst kind of betrayal.

Which is why you’re now pacing around your dorm room, waiting for his phone call. It doesn’t matter that you have an essay you need to start on, or that you have job applications to fill out, because you miss him and he makes you feel like a lovesick idiot. It also doesn’t help that he sent you a beautiful bouquet of pink peonies earlier in the day.

The second your phone goes off, you almost pounce to answer it.

“Baby?” you ask breathlessly, a smile coming to your lips.

A horrible way to answer the phone for the current situation you’re in, honestly. 

“It’s me, Angel,” he chuckles softly. “I miss you too.”

“In my defense I ‘aven’t been this excited to speak to someone...ever,” you giggle softly and he laughs. “How was your day?”

“A bit stressful, but it was good. I hate drivin’.”

“Why were you driving?”

“Had some things to take care of,” he sighs as someone knocks on your door. “Who’s that?”

“I’ve no clue. I didn’t make any plans with anyone,” you shrug as you make your way to the door and unlock it. “JIM!” you scream, throwing your phone to the side and jumping on him as your legs wrap around him, and he laughs softly. “Why are you here?! How?!” you giggle as you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Hi to you too, Angel,” he laughs, carrying you inside with a smile, before kicking the door shut behind him. “I missed you, and I wanted you to have a good few days before...”

“Before what?” you question with a cocked eyebrow.

“When I go back....I’m filing.”

“Jim...”

“I want this, Angel. I want us. I’m not gonna regret this and I hope you won’t either.”

“I just...Jim...”

“Do you still want this?”

“You know I do, but...you have to really commit. You’re leaving your wife for her daughter. Are you truly sure this is something you want? Are ya sure you want me?”

“Get dressed,” he smiles once he sets you down, “I’ve got somewhere to-”

He’s cut off by a knock on your door, “Y/N, are you in? It’s Mum,” your Mother proclaims from the other side of your door.

FUCK. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

“What are ya doin’ here? Give us a moment, I just got out of the shower!” you panic as both you and Jim try to find a place to hide him.

“Well, Jim is gonna be gone for a few days to go and see a friend, so I figured I should come and see you. We didn’t end on the best of terms.”

“Mum, I really don’t have any issue with you or Jim. It’s just better for you if-”

“I know I haven’t always been the best Mother, but I want to change that. With time, you and Jim will grow to like each other and get along. I know I don’t always act like it, but I want all of this to work. I want us to be a proper family,” she confesses, remorse painfully clear in her voice.

By the look in his eyes, you can tell that Jim wants to say something, but he can’t without giving himself away.

“I don’t hate Jim,” you prattle on as you push him into your bathroom and motion for him to lay down in the bathtub. 

You’re quick to run to the sink and wet your hair, while trying to swallow down all of the anxiety and guilt.

“I don’t hate either of you,” you continue as you look yourself over in the mirror, “I just felt that it would be better if I finished holiday with Ciara. Let you two work on things.”

Lie, lie, lie.

“I just feel like me being around only makes things worse for you, and I don’t want that,” you explain, making your way back over to the shower. “Silence your phone,” you whisper before closing the shower curtain.

Taking a deep breath, you open the door to your room, “I really wish you would’ve called.”

“I figured it would be fine since you didn’t get back too long ago. You don’t have too much work, do ya? We could grab a quick bite,” she smiles hopefully.

You truthfully don’t know what to do, because it’s not like the trip from Dublin to London is an easy one, but Jim also made the same trek and is currently hiding in your bathroom. Seeing as he is about to file for a divorce just to be with you, maybe you should go to dinner with her.

However, Jim did get here first.

“What are you doin’ tomorrow?” you ask, hopeful that she won’t be too hurt.

It’s not as if you’re saying no all together, just not right now.

“Leaving,” she laughs awkwardly. “I figured I’d head back early tomorrow. I’m hoping Jim will come back early and we can talk things out. We got into a bit of an argument before he left, and I’m afraid I’ve really made a mess of things,” she admits shyly.

Fuck.

“Let me grab my things and we’ll go,” you smile solemnly.

Quickly grabbing your phone, you text Jim a quick ‘I’m sorry’, before grabbing your purse and key to your dorm.

“Is there any place in particular that you wanna go to?” you ask, locking the door to your bedroom.

“I figured we’d go somewhere you love. My treat,” she smiles and it only makes you feel worse. 

“We can go to Chez Jules, and don’t worry about me, I can pay for-”

“I’m surprisin’ ya, I should at least pay for dinner. Besides, I put you through a tough Summer-”

“It’s alright-”

“Just let me be a proper Mum for once. Please?”

You hate yourself. You hate yourself to your core. Yes, you and her have always had a turbulent relationship, but never in a million years did you see this scenario playing out as it is. Hell, you honestly didn’t think you two would be in each other’s lives at this point. You and Jim falling in love isn’t even a result of you being angry with her, it just happened. Hell, you fought it so hard because you do actually love your Mother.

Now, it’s just a big mess. You don’t want to hurt her, but you can’t pretend your feelings for Jim aren’t real. You honestly wish you never came home for the Summer.

“How does it feel to be back?” your Mother asks once you’re both seated.

“It’s weird,” you laugh awkwardly, “I can’t believe this is my final year.”

“I’m so proud. Ya did what I couldn’t.”

“You can always go back whenever you want. You know that.”

“It was never for me. I don’t think an of this was ever for me,” she laughs softly.

You don’t even catch yourself as you mumble, “don’t I know it,” slips out.

“ ‘m sorry, Y/N. I really am.”

“I didn’t mean-”

“You’re hurt and you’re angry. You have every right to be. This past Summer...I don’t know why I reacted like I did. I don’t know why I always react the way I do to you. I do love you, I just don’t know how to be a Mother. I never have and I never wanted to be one. I just...I really thought it was a role I could grow in to. I’d like to think I’m better now, but we both know that I’m not and it doesn’t even matter now. You’re an adult all on your own and your own person.”

“Can we not do this in public? I’m too sober for an argument-”

“I don’t want to argue, I want to be honest. I’m trying to...I want to apologize. Ya didn’t know about Jim and for me to react the way I did...I just felt like he was taken with you more than I would’ve liked,” she sighs as the waitress comes over.

“Y/N, I already know your order,” she laughs before turning her attention to your Mother, “for you?”

“Gin,” she smiles.

“Do you need a moment for food?”

“Um, I’ll have the pork loin steak.”

“Mum!”

“Jesus, I can afford it, as can you,” she laughs. “What do ya want?”

“I don’t-”

“She’ll take the braised shoulder of lamb,” your Mother nods, grabbing your menu and handing it back to the waitress.

“Mum, we can’t-”

“It’s a girl’s night!”

“I have class in the morning,” you lie with a giggle. “I can’t be out too late.”

“I won’t keep ya too long,” she smiles. “I just felt like this would be good for us. I was afraid if I called, ya’d say no.”

“I just...time apart has always been best for us.”

“That’s not how it should be. Jim loves ya, his kids love ya, and I just...I got jealous. You getting to the house before me...I should’ve waited, because I knew you would’ve been hurt. It was a big decision and I didn’t even take you into consideration. I was just so in love with Jim and I felt like...I figured I could finally do it, ya know? Be a proper wife and Mother. Be someone everyone could finally be proud of. I didn’t tell Jim much about my past, because it’s not anything to be proud of, but I did tell him about you. I told him that you’re the only thing I’ve done that’s right. I knew you two would get along, but I still had my reservations. The way I had been with him was a side of me you’d never seen, and I was afraid you’d resent me for being better with him and his kids than I ever was with you.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me about him?” you ask, swirling your drink in the glass.

“I don’t know. We were in our own little bubble, and it was nice. I didn’t want to ruin it, and I know you’ve never been a fan of the men I’ve been with, which I can’t blame ya for. I was just scared. It got so bad so fast, and I know it’s on me. I’ve never actually committed to this part of myself and failed before I even gave myself a chance. I let you down, again, and I’m sorry.”

You say nothing as a new wave of guilt washes over you as your dinner is delivered. How could you fuck up this badly? How could you let yourself end up in a situation that will end so horribly?

“I know it was all in my head though,” she continues after the waitress walks away. “Jim barely knows you and you don’t see him like that. You don’t know him well enough to look at him in that light. It was just my own insecurities getting in the way, and I’ll do better. I’ll be better for the both of ya.”

“What did you and Jim argue about before he left?” you ask, doing your best to fight back your tears as you cut up your lamb,

“He’s rightfully angry with me. The drinking, the way I acted around his children, the way I treated you...he said he doesn’t know how to be with me anymore. I was drunk, we both raised our voices, I threw some things...it’s not lookin’ good,” she chuckles humorlessly as she wipes away a few tears. 

“What do you think-”

“He wants to leave me,” she interrupts with a shrug. “He didn’t come right out and say it, but he said it in so many words.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I don’t, but I can tell that he really is at his end. Even with sex-”

“Sex?” you eagerly cut off before you mean to.

You hate that you care so much. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not goin’ to give you too much information,” she laughs softly. “We barely ever have it, and I feel like I have to beg for it anyway. When we do, he never seems to be...in the moment. He always feels a million miles away, and it feels so empty. It was never like this before, and I know it’s on me. I made such a mess of everything this Summer.”

“Maybe you two just need some time apart,” you suggest, knowing damn well that, that won’t solve anything.

The man is waiting for you in your dorm room.

“He seemed pretty put off before he left. I tried to talk to him, but he just...he walked out. He doesn’t love me anymore, and I have no one to blame but myself.”

“Well, why do you do this shite? Huh? You finally had what you wanted-”

“I know, I know,” she sighs, throwing her fork down and drying her eyes with the backs of her hand. “It was goin’ too good. I got too nervous and I just...I let my fears win. I took it out on you, I took it out on him...I can’t fix it,” she sniffles, drying her eyes.

“I can talk to him for you,” you offer quietly.

You fucking idiot.

“My estranged daughter pleading my case for me? That’s even more pathetic,” she scoffs, before taking a sip of her drink then picking up her fork. “Anyway, tell me about school! Are you more excited to be back, or to be graduatin’ soon?”

For the rest of dinner, you try to keep up appearances, but your mind is going a million miles a minute. You know what you need to do, but you also know how much it’s going to hurt. You and Jim have spent so much time trying to build some form of a relationship, and you’re about to destroy it. 

To be fair, the relationship should’ve never happened in the first place.

“You’ll tell me when you’re home and safe?” you ask once you two are back at your dorm.

“Of course,” she smiles, wrapping you in a tight hug, “thank you for this. I really needed it.”

“Of course.”

“I’ll let you get back to your studies,” she laughs awkwardly as she lets go of you. “I love you.”

“I love you,” you smile with a nod before unlocking your door, “let me know when you’re at your hostel, yeah?”

“I promise.”

“Well...goodnight,” you nod once you’re in your room.”

“Night.”

You wait until you see her turn the corridor down the hall before finally closing the door, and letting out a heavy sigh. You know what comes next is gonna break both you and Jim’s heart.

“I know that sigh,” he comments as you close the door.

“Ya can’t leave her, Jim. Make it work.”

“Angel-”

“She’s so in love with you and she’s so sorry-”

“Stop it.”

“She’s my Mother! What do you want me to do-”

“Why do you keep trying to spare her feelings? She did this!”

“Jim, please-”

“I love you, Angel. I’m in love with you-”

“She’s your wife, Jim. She’s your wife and I’m her daughter. Your stepdaughter!”

“I didn’t even know you until I met you! This isn’t some relationship that we built up over years! I met you and we just-”

“Jim...please,” you sob.

He lets out a heavy as he wraps his arms around you, “please don’t cry.”

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be the reason you walk away-”

“She did this! She lied, she drank herself into a stupor, she lied-”

“You married her,” you sob softly, looking up to meet his heartbroken gaze. “I can’t hurt her like this, Jim. I can’t be the reason something else-”

“You’ve never taken anything from her!”

“Jim...”

“I love you! What’s the point of staying with her if my heart isn’t in it? What’s the point of faking it-”

“You two can find that happiness again-”

“I’ve found it with you, Angel,” he husks as he pins you against the wall.

“Jim...stop,” you moan as he kisses down your neck.

“No.”

“Jim-”

“Say it like you mean it. If you really want me to stop, I’ll stop,” he promises, unbuttoning your shorts and pushing them down along with your panties. 

“This...this is the last time,” you whimper as he starts teasing your clit.

“Sure it is, Angel,” he chuckles as he hoists you up and forces your legs around his waist. “Whatever you say.”

“Fuck...Jim!”

“I know, Angel. I need you too,” he groans as you undo his jeans, and force them down.

“I love you so much!”

“Do ya? Do ya want me?”

You know where he’s going with this, and you know it can’t go any farther.

“You know it’s wrong, Jim! We can’t keep on as we are!”

“Lets see how wrong we can be tonight, shall we?” he chuckles as he thrust himself inside of you, barely giving you a chance to breathe before he starts loving you hard and fast.

“Jim...don’t stop!’

“That’s a good girl.”

Yes, you’re going to end things with Jim and do your best to move on from this completely fucked up situation, but for now? For now you just want to live in this moment.

You just want to be with him. 

“I want to be with you,” he pants as he lays you on your bed, before resuming his pace and fucking you brutally hard. “I love you!”

“Oh my God!”

You don’t care if you two wake up the whole damn building.

“Tell me you don’t feel the same! Lie to me and tell me you don’t feel the same!”

“I fucking love...Jesus...Jim! Don’t stop!”

“That’s right, Angel. Take everything I’m givin’ ya,” he husks, pinning your hands above your head as starts biting and sucking on your neck.

“Oh fuck!”

“I’ve missed you so much, my Angel,” he grunts, the feel of his breath on your neck making you clench him tighter. “Fuck, just suckin’ me in!”

“Jim...aht...please!”

“Give it to me,” he groans as you ball your hands into fists.

You squirt hard as you lull your head back and arch your back,”fuck!”

“So good for me, Angel,” he groans as he pulls out.

Before you can whine in protest, he flips you as if you weigh nothing, and you’re instantly ready to go again.

“Hands and knees for me, Angel,” he demands gruffly, and you instantly comply, arching your back and curling your toes in anticipation. “You think we can just stop?” he asks rhetorically, gripping your hips tight before thrusting into you.

“Ah shit!”

“You’re mine, Angel. You’re mine, just like I’m yours,” he whispers seductively against the shell of your ear, thrusting harder and faster.

“Jim...I love you! Fuck, I love you so much! God...that’s it!” you cry out, strangling your pillows as he hits that spot he’s only ever been able to find. “Right fuckin’ there! Don’t stop!”

“Say it! Fuckin’ tell me what I need to hear!”

“ ‘m yours, Jim! All yours, always!”

“Fuck, not gonna...cum with me Angel! Please!” he husks pathetically, resting his head in the crook of your neck, kissing it softly as he coats your inner walls with his desire.

You have no choice but to obey, and you yell his name in the process, as mind numbing pleasure washes over you.

“So good for me, my Angel. So sweet,” he coos as he rides out both of your highs.

You’re quick to collapse onto your bed, trying to clear the euphoric clouds out 

of your head. You don’t know why you thought you’d be able to think clearly 

around him, especially when you’re already so emotional. You know what the 

right thing to do is, but it’s not what you want. It’s not what either of you want.

You hate this so much.

“We can figure this out,” Jim promises softly as he gets in bed next to 

you, instantly pulling you close.

“Jim...what we’re doing is wrong. What we’ve been doing is wrong-”

“I want to be with you.”

“You’re her husband and she’s my Mother. Jim, it should’ve never 

gotten this far. We’re horrible people.”

“Are you afraid of her hating you?”

“I can deal with her hating me. Shes always resented me a bit and 

that’s fine, I’ve always been able to handle it. What’s hard to handle is me 

being the reason she’s heartbroken. She doesn’t deserve that.”

“It wouldn’t be-”

“Jim you may have been the one who initiated everything, but it’s not 

like I ever tell you no and meant it. I want every part of ya just as much as you 

want every part of me.”

“I don’t wanna stop, Angel. I don’t want you with anyone else and I 

don’t wanna be with anyone else.”

“I love you and I’m so happy when we’re together. So fuckin’ happy, 

but this isn’t right. You leaving her for me...Jim, we can’t.”

“So, this is it?”

“We don’t have a choice.”

“We do, you just don’t like the other option.”

“Jim, for as angry as ya are, I know you don’t wanna hurt her.”

“I don’t, but you’re who I’ve always been lookin’ for. We were made for 

each other.”

“Jim...we have to let each other go.”

“After this week,” he sighs heavily, pressing a kiss to the back of your 

neck, “I’ll stay away.”

“Jim, I do love you, it’s just that...this is the right thing to do. Give it a 

few months, and everything will be back to how it was. It’ll hurt for a while, but 

it’ll be alright.”

“How it is now is how it always should be,” he mumbles into your hair 

before pressing a soft kiss into it. “Lets sleep, you have a lot of work to do in 

the morning.”

It’s not like this isn’t ripping your heart up. You want to be with Jim more than 

anything, but you can’t handle hurting your Mother like this. The ultimate 

betrayal. You have to get over this, because what’s the point? Your 

happiness shouldn’t have to make your Mother miserable. No, this is for the 

best. Yes, it’ll hurt and drive you insane for a while, but it won’t always be like 

this. It’ll get better.

Or so you hope.

~~

[rayassecretlife]

Here with me

Pairing: Aged up!19 year old Neteyam x fem!omaticaya reader

PART 2

In which: You are a healer and Neteyam fights the battle against the sky people without his father knowing, comes back wounded, and earns not only a lecture from him, but from you.

Warning(s): Swearing, Kissing, mentions of getting hurt, blood, Neteyam being an idiot

If you got payed everytime you woke up to Neteyam gone, you’d be filthy rich by now. You knew he had duties to fulfill, and his father ordered him around a lot, but it still hurt knowing he cared that little for you. Your hammock felt empty without your mate, not even being able to go back to sleep without him.

Now, you were walking into Mo’at’s pod, her eyes not noticing you at first as she mixed the herbal mix in her hands. “Who is it?”

“It’s me, Y/N” you entered the doorway and she looked up, giving you a small smile before waving you over to her.

“You are worried, yes?” She asks as you sit next to her, earning a nod of your head. You weren’t so much worried about Neteyam, but the people above that were currently trying to attack the forest once again.

Neteyam wasn’t aloud to fight in the battle, seeing as Jake feared something horrible might happen to him and Lo’ak. Neytiri always ended up dragging Neteyam by the ear back into your shared pod, lecturing him right in front of you. Even at 19, his mother still scared him.

Man, did neytiri scare everyone.

“The sky people… do you think we will win again?” She sighs, placing the herbal mix onto the small table in front of you. She turned to you, taking your hands in hers.

“Do not worry, Sweet girl. It’ll all be okay” she could sense your fear from just sitting next to you, but she had fear as well. Fear that Jake wouldn’t be successful again or worse, they’d lose their home again.

“Have you seen Neteyam? He left without telling me this morning and I… I get the feeling that something is wrong” this didn’t feel like the usually him leaving to go hunt, it felt like he had left to do something much, much bigger. Your mates intuition was never wrong, and that’s what worried you the most, because if you felt he was hurt, he could very much be hurt.

“What do you mean, child? Neteyam and Lo’ak went riding just hours ago” you sighed at her words and nodded your head, running a hand through your long hair. “You know, you are the perfect girl for my grandson” your heart skipped a beat once she speaks, watching her sweet smile reassure your worried feeling. “You look out for him, a very good healer too” you laugh as she rubs your back, pushing a piece of your hair behind your ear.

“Learned from the best” she shook her head with a laugh, standing to her feet. “When do you think they will be back?”

“Probably sunset, you know how they ar-“

“Your supposed to be spotters! Spot them and call it in—from a distance!” Both you and Mo’at’s ears perked at the sound of Jake’s raised voice, looking at each other once you put the pieces together.

You rushed out of the pod as you listened to your mate’s father completely yell at the boys and the more you approached, the more visible things were starting to become.

“Jesus I let you two genius’s fly a mission and you disobey direct orders!” He continues to yell, Neteyam’s head held down to his feet the entire time.

“What the hell is going-” Your voice faded as your eyes caught glimpse of the many cuts and bruises along your mates body, your eyes widening as you grab hold of his arm to examine his wounds. “I don’t understand… Mo’at said you went riding”

“These two knuckleheads tried to be their own fucking hero and tried to fight the sky people” Jake informs you and your eyes shoot death stares into Neteyam’s. The sky people? Does he not understand he could’ve died?

“I take full responsibility, sir-“

“Yeah, You do” Jake shook his head, “this is ridiculous! You are going to get your brother killed” he glared at Lo’ak and then at you, letting out a heavy sigh. “Y/N, would you please go help Mo’at with the wounded”

“My mate is wounded” you glare at his father, your fingers tracing over the many cuts along his back.

“Ma’Jake, your son is actually bleeding” Neytiri tilted her head, her eyes growing soft at his look. Neteyam shook his head at her words, pulling his arm from your grasp.

“I’m fine, it’s fine” You swear you could have punched him in that moment. Fine? This was anything, but fine.

“Go get patched up. You are dismissed” Neteyam gives one last look to Lo’ak before walking away from his family but you followed close behind. Your anger increased while you watched the boy walk faster in front of you, avoiding your contact.

“Neteyam” The two of you enter your pod but he keeps walking, ignoring your every call to his name. Your body fills with rage as you walk to him, grabbing his arm forcefully to turn him towards you. “Fucking look at me!”

His eyes meet yours and your now able to see the cuts on his face, your eyes softening as your hands practically flew to his face. “It is fine, Y/N-“

“Say that again and I swear to Eywa I will kill you” he sighs at your raised voice and sits down, he already knew the drill. His head low while he still looked at you, watching you grab the healing kit that sat on the other side of your pod. “Your a fucking Skxawng”

You sat behind your mate, draining the water from the soaked cloth in your hand before running it along his wounds. How could he be this stupid? This irresponsible?

“I am sorry, Syulang” (flower) you didn’t respond to him, continuing to clean his wounds as you felt your heart crumble once again. This was just one of the many heart attacks he had given you since you mated and sometimes, you think maybe he thought it was funny.

He hissed as you clean his wounds further, trying his hardest to get you to speak to him. He was desperate. He knew how you were after he worried you, but when he was hurt? Oh Eywa, it was so much worse.

You patched the boys back wounds before moving to sit in front of him, pulling his head piece up to reveal a trail of blood running down his face.

“Ma’Tìyawn, please” (my love) you bit down onto your bottom lip harder then you could have imagined, wiping the blood from his face with the newly fresh cloth. You wanted to yell, you wanted to scream so terribly because if you didn’t, you would cry.

His hand cupped your face as he watched your eyes begin to water, his own softening at your expression. He hurt you, and that was the only thing he truly cared about.

“Stop touching me, Neteyam” you push his hand away from you, his ears falling low at your disappointed voice. He felt terrible for putting you through this again, making you feel like he was your responsibility.



“Please, Y/N. I’m sorry” he begged, not daring to touch you again but practically suffocating you with his voice. “I should have told you I-“

“You should have told me? You should have fucking told me, Neteyam?” You mugged the boy, you had never been so angry with him yet so glad he was here, safe with you. “What if that was me? What if I left and came back bleeding?”

“You have to understand who my family is, Y/N. My father is Toruk Makto, I can’t just sit around and wait for him to give me orders. I have to fight, it’s in my blood”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Neteyam” it was more forward then a question. You stared into the boys eyes as your own filled with tears, his face softening at you.

“At first it was just scouting, but then Lo’ak wanted to help and when I tried to tell him off, he went anyway” he reasons, taking your shaking hands in his. “I had to go after him, Y/N. He’s my little brother”

You hated that you couldn’t be mad at him, but he scared you, and he knew that. You knew he couldn’t control Lo’ak and man, you were going to beat his ass when you see him later.

“How did you get these” he sighs at your question, thinking about lying for a second until you glared at him—already knowing his thoughts.

“I got hit and was stuck under rubble, my dad found me and pulled me out before it got bad” You scoffed and shook your head, continuing to clean the wounds on his face. He had many more covering his chest and some on his legs, but you couldn’t bare to look at his bleeding face any longer. “But I’m okay. That’s all that matters, right?”

You took a deep breath as you felt your eyes water ten times worse, and you gripped the cloth in your hand, draining the blood into the bucket next to you. You hated when he saw you like this, but this only made him love you so much more. The way you cared for him never seemed to actually register in his mind until you cried, and he felt like shit for doing that to you.

“Please don’t cry, pretty girl” His hands laid against your waist, fingertips gliding against your skin. Oh how much he hated himself right now. He wanted to scream at himself, at the world, and most importantly, Lo’ak. He had to remember it wasn’t just him getting hurt now—you were his mate, with him for life, and if he was hurt, so were you.

“I’m so done with this, Neteyam” you choked out, closing your eyes as you felt a tear fall. There were too many close calls, you didn’t know how much more you could take. He cupped your face in his large hands, his thumb wiping the tears from your cheeks. “The thought of losing you fucking terrifies me”

His eyes soften at your words and he pulls you in close, wrapping his arms around you as you did the same, now straddling his lap. Your fear of losing him was times infinity, worried he’d end up like everyone else and leave you. You couldn’t bare that feeling, not again.

It felt like history had been repeating itself. When you and neteyam were 17 and you got into an argument over your safety—the day you admitted you loved each other. That might have been the only time you’d ever seen him cry, so worried that you would get hurt.

“You won’t lose me, Ma’Tìyawn. I promise” Neteyam mumbled softly, pulling away from you the smallest bit. His vibrant yellows staring into yours as the wind blowing your hair loosely behind your ears.

Man, this felt like deja vu.

It wasn't until he pulled you closer and pressed his soft lips against your own, leaving you with the wandering idea of you staying mad at him. You found yourself yearning for the feeling, moving into the now very passionate kiss and your hands starting to make their way to his face. 

His arm swiftly snaked around your waist and he pulled you into his lap, making you gasp against his lips. Your mouth moved fervently against his, feeling and hearing the way he groaned beneath you only made you lose your mind. Something about the moment—something about him, it was pure bliss. Nothing else mattered in that moment.

But by just one clear of the throat, everything had broken, and you found yourself scrambling to get off your mates lap, turning to whoever had interrupted your passionate moment.

“Mom is asking for you back at the pod” Lo’ak scratches his head before leaving, clearly uncomfortable with what he had just saw. Neteyam couldn’t help but burst into laughter, immediately causing you to hit his chest.

“Shut it, you fucking Skxawng!” You stood to your feet as he continued to laugh, crossing your arms at your mate.

“Come on, you just forgave me” he walked to you but you didn’t budge, watching him tilt his head to the side so his braids shook everywhere.

“I never said I forgave you” And with one small smirk, he had you up in the air over his shoulder—holding you tight against him, ignoring your protest as you hit his back laughing uncontrollably. “Neteyam!”

The two of you laughed as he dropped you onto your shared hammock, leaning down to press a small kiss to your lips. “It doesn’t have to be this difficult, you know”

He felt bad for leaving you once again but he would be back, and you wouldn’t forget what he had planned for you once he returned. You kissed his jaw and twisted his hair between your fingers, watching his ears lower as his eyes shut. “Your making it really hard to leave, Syulang”

You hummed, pulling his face away from yours to look at. He was practically begging with his eyes, and you could feel the heat rise between your legs. This wasn’t good—but man, did it feel so right.

“I know you will be back, Sevin ‘evengan. Go see what your mom needs” (pretty boy) you gave him a small smile and watched him huff in response, leaving the pod with the roll of his eyes.

You couldn’t help but smile at the tingling feeling against your lips, laying your head against the netting under you as you sighed. Neteyam was an idiot at times, and sure as hell scared the shit out of you every time he went out, but you loved that boy with everything in you—and you couldn’t thank anyone but Eywa for bringing him to you.

He was here with you, until the end of time.

I wanted to do a Angst part and a smut part for people who aren’t comfortable reading smut lol soooooo here’s part 2 (SMUT)

[harrywavycurly]

Sarah my dear dear sweet Sarah I am on my knees begging for a look into the future with One Night Eddie and Reader when Dotty is older! I’ll take anything! I just love them🥰😇

Hiiii babes!!! You’re so sweet, I will give you some conversations with Eddie and Reader where Dotty is older like toddler-ish and in kindergarten! I hope you enjoy!💖

-find all things It Was Just One Night here ✨

“Why is she wearing that?” “Because we are going to the pool…” “Eddie…you can’t be serious.” “Uh yeah? I’m off for the day and she said she wanted to go do swimmies so…that’s what we are going to do.” “The pool is closed today….it’s Monday.” “What? No it’s not it’s closed on Tuesday’s.” “Are you calling me a liar?” “Why are you like this? No I’m not calling you a liar I’m just saying the pool is normally closed on Tuesday’s.” “Okay then walk down there and see if it’s open…we will be here putting on sunscreen.” “And if it’s closed? Then what?” “Then you’re going to be dad of the year and go get a blow up pool and put it in the backyard….duh.” “Right! Yeah that’s a good idea….love you I’ll be back either in a few minutes or like an hour depending on…what happens when I get to the pool.” “Sounds good.” “Uh..you..wanna say anything to me before I leave?” “Oh sorry..love you too…now hurry up we wanna do swimmies.”

“You have to make her eat something other than chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese.” “Why? She likes what she likes and besides she had broccoli with her Mac n cheese.” “Babe she can’t have your eating habits okay? She needs to like…try new stuff.” “What exactly is wrong with my eating habits Eddie? Hmm?” “I’m not doing this with you…just please maybe tomorrow we can try something new? She’s like four now so she isn’t as picky as she was when she was a baby.” “Next thing you know you’ll be buying her a water bottle from hell to keep track of how much she’s drinking.” “That’s not a bad-” “just let her eat what she likes Eddie…it’s hard enough to even get her to eat her nuggets…that’s why they have to be in fun shapes or she gets bored and won’t eat anything.” “Gee wonder where she gets that from…” “i can’t help that I am more likely to eat something in a fun shape than something that looks boring…now go see if she wants more chicken.”

“It’s her first week of kindergarten and we are already getting a call from her school?” “Don’t look at me…all I did was drop her off at her classroom and went to work.” “Baby…you’re a horrible fucking liar..what did you do?” “I didn’t do shit Edward…” “just tell me.” “I just want to say you would’ve done the exact same thing if you were the one who dropped her off.” “Stop stalling and tell me what happened.” “This bitchy ass mom was walking behind us and I heard her say something about Dotty’s shirt and-” “her shirt? The one she wore today?…it’s just a Metallica shirt…” “exactly and she was saying how she felt sorry for some kids and how their parents dress them.” “Oh god…did you hit her?” “What? No I didn’t fucking hit her you asshole….I dropped Dotty off to her room and then I saw the mom in the parking lot and I…just told her how I felt about what she said.” “Right…and what exactly did you tell her?” “That she doesn’t need to feel sorry for my daughter…but..I might’ve said that I feel sorry for hers because she has a boring ass bitch for a mom.” “Jesus….how are we going to explain ourselves out of this? The principal is the one who wants to meet with us.” “Just toss them some Eddie charm and offer a free oil change or something.” “You’re going to have to apolo-” “it’s bad to lie so..I won’t be apologizing to her.” “You’re so annoying…fine I’ll go in there alone and…see what I can do.” “That’s my man! Go knock ‘em dead.”

“Look at her…doing the monkey-bars all by herself…remember when she needed us to help her up the steps so she could go down the slide?” “Yes…she’s growing up too fast…next thing you know she’ll be asking us to drive her places and never wanna be seen with us.” “Speak for yourself…I’m a fucking cool dad she’ll wanna be seen with me.” “Really? You’re wearing a Fanny pack right now…nothing about that says cool dad.” “It’s easier than carrying the backpack around…it has all the things she needs in it.” “I will say…we are way cooler than those parents over there…total helicopter parents.” “Oh yeah they look like newbies…won’t even let their little boy go down the slide alone.” “He’s so cute though.” “I bet we’d make a cute little boy…” “who’s we? I told you this baby factory only does limited editions and Dotty is a one of one.” “I guess Dotty is all we really need…she is kinda perfect.” “She really is isn’t she? We got lucky with her.” “I love you.” “I love you too..even when you wear your lame ass Fanny pack.

[bordysbae]

the lack of jack requests is astounding!! could you please do “i need you right now” with him? fluff, angst, whole new genre, truly not picky i just love him— also love your writing!!

“bad day”

jack hughes x reader

word count: 0.6k

as you start to doze off while watching a movie on the couch, you hear the door open and a pair of keys fall into the glass bowl. you know jacks home from work but you just cant wake yourself up to greet him. you then hear the sound of a bag thump as it hits the floor and immediately jump awake. "oh sorry babe, i didn't mean to scare you" he says softly, as he walks over to the side of the couch and gives you a kiss on the top of your head. "it's alright" you smile while rubbing your eyes. "shit i'm sorry! did i wake you up?" "yeah but it's okay don't worry. how was practice?" you ask. he starts walking into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. "horrible" he says slightly louder so you can still hear him.

"what why?" you ask, scooting so that there's room for jack to come and sit down. he walks in with a glass of water and sits next to you. as he sits down he lets out a loud sigh and you can tell somethings up. “what’s wrong jack, tell me.” "we're doing horribly, it just feels like some of the guys are barely putting in any effort and we have a game in two days. i just feel unprepared, and literally my whole body hurts from practice" he sighs again, but more quietly this time. “is there anything i can do to help you?” “anything. i just need you right now.” "oh baby come here" you say as you sit up right crossing your legs on top of each other like a child. jack sits up as well and he turns facing the front door, and you begin rubbing his neck, back, and shoulders.

he immediately begins relaxing and you can feel the tension in his muscles loosening. "you are genuinely the best thing to ever happen to me" he says softly. "oh shut up" you chuckle as you kiss the back of his head and continue rubbing his back. "how's nico feeling? does he feel unprepared as well?" you ask him. "yeah, he was the first person i talked to about this whole situation. he said that tomorrow he's gonna start confronting the guys who are slacking off. we really need to win our next game" he says while sipping his water. "let me make you some tea so you can relax, and maybe we can finish this movie i fell asleep to" you say getting up and walking over to the kitchen.

you begin to heat up the water and you look around the kitchen corner to see jacks eyes shut. you turn off the stove and leave the kettle full of water in the kitchen. you quietly walk over to jack and gently poke him, "jack why don't we go to bed, you're already falling asleep and i haven't even been gone for 3 minutes" you chuckle. "ughhh” he groans and slowly gets up from the couch. you guys walk into the bedroom and jack immediately lays down on the bed, while you go into the connected bathroom to start getting ready. as you're brushing your teeth you see jack walk into the bathroom, and he wraps his arms around your waist from behind, as well as lays his head on top of yours. “hi” he says sleepily. “hi sleepy boy” you smile at him through the mirror as he very gently kisses your hair. once you both finish up in the bathroom you climb into the cold bed, not knowing just how cold the sheets are. "jesus christ the sheets are freezing!" you exclaim, quickly curling up into a ball. "well i have a solution to that.” jack says as he pulls you under his arm and into his bare chest. "any warmer?" he asks you. "very much so" you smile and shut your eyes, letting yourself fall into a calm sleep.

[cybussy]

hey, doll.

why is it that we always say “see you later” and never “goodbye”?

pairing: xyx x gn! reader (blooming panic)

genre: self-indulgent angst

warnings: major character death, suicide, reader has mommy issues xD

ao3

"see you later!" the cheery person from next-door waved to xyx as they once again ran off to attend their part-time job. they always do this when they see xyx coming home from work and then, going to their own job as they have the night shifts. it became a routine for the two of them, both guys thinking that it's nice to have someone greet you when you arrive home and someone to greet when you leave.

though they used to not talk a lot outside of this daily routine, one time they had a meaningful conversation that established a strong connection between them. at first, it was quite hard to get them to open up, always holing up in their room and avoiding all person-to-person social interactions, but with a bit of a push they soon got comfortable around xyx which revealed their cheery personality. this change got xyx hooked, soon developing romantic feelings for his neighbor though of course, he insists on hiding it.

there were too, a lot of times when they comforted xyx when he was feeling down about literally anything, his job, self-esteem issues, and a few times where xyx thought cat was sick again, they helped him go through that too, which really made his feelings for them grow. all these things made their bond stronger and the gap between them, closer.

xyx closes the door behind him, silently wishing them a good day, rather, night in their job. it was always obvious that these shifts take a toll on them but it's the only convenient time for them to work because of their insomnia. the tired lawyer went ahead and changed his work clothes into more comfortable ones, he then plopped into his bed and shortly fell asleep due to exhaustion.

he was awoken by a loud scream from next-door, he knew it was them, but what could they be screaming about at 5am in the morning? it's definitely out of character and wrong for him to do so but, xyx leaned in on the thin walls and listened.

"jesus christ it's 5am! can you please stop bothering me? i just got home from work and i haven't even eaten anything, it's too early for this mom." he heard them say, it was obvious that they wanted to say more but decided not to, xyx could hear the struggle of not wanting to blow up on someone through the walls.

it seems like that wasn't the end of it as they spoke again, "it's been YEARS, can't you just let this go? i already said i'm not going back there, stop using guilt to convince me because it doesn't work! please hang up before i say something rude." they said, voice almost rising up to yell again.

xyx doesn't know the backstory for all of this but they did mention a few times that they have the worst relationship with their mom, and yet she still bothers them time and time again, seemingly dense (or chooses to be) to the horrible connection between them.

he feels guilty for listening in on this conversation but hearing his friend be this upset because of a phone call hurts him. he wants to meddle but he thinks they probably won't like it, he decides that they can just tell him whatever he needs to know when- if- they feel like it and stops eavesdropping.

though it was unnecessary to do so because they broke and started yelling again, "STOP THE BULLSHIT, I KEEP TELLING YOU I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE. STOP BOTHERING ME, IF YOU WANT MONEY AGAIN WELL I DON'T FUCKING HAVE IT. JUST STOP!! REBUILDING THIS FUCKING CONNECTION IS USELESS AND IT'S NOT WORKING. DON'T CONTACT ME AGAIN I FUCKING HATE YOU."

'holy fuck.' was the only thing xyx could say inside his mind. he hears them harshly throw something into the wall, then yelled a "GODFUCKING DAMMIT JUST KILL ME!" before going quiet, real quiet. xyx thinks that he's never been more glad that his room is the only one close enough to hear all this, making them save face from all this mess that is happening.

but now xyx really wants to interfere, just barge into their room and ask them what's wrong, comfort them through it and make them feel better, they did mention that this neighbor is the only friend they have left the second time that they got to talk, so xyx felt like it was his responsibility (and he want to do as well of course) to check up on his friend and help them through a hard time.

but he doesn't. scared of being pushed away, he just waits for them to make the first move to talk to him. he's just going to give them some time for themselves to recover, clear their mind for a bit, so they can both work through this together. this might become a regretful decision later on but he's going to fix it, he swears. he just needs them to take a break first, and xyx knows that they're strong and that they will work through it.

but apparently, xyx was wrong. so, so, wrong.

that day he never saw them go out of their apartment, nor the day after that. it was the weekend so it was understandable for them to not have any business outside, but after the incident xyx just can't help but be worried.

he tried resisting it but it's been a day and a half since he last saw nor heard something coming from them, so xyx decided that he'd ask his friends is he should meddle or not.

his friends were caught off-guard by how serious he sounds, but in the end they gave him one helpful piece of advice: go talk to them.

but even after all that, he doesn't do anything. his fear of being hated held him back. he just kept on waiting, and waiting, until monday morning came.

6am, xyx was preparing for work, he went outside to go get his shoes when he saw them preparing to leave.

"oh? morning shift today?" he asked, they shook their head. "no, i asked for a day off today. just wanted to go wander by myself for fun, goodluck with work by the way!" they greeted him, as cheerful as ever, that for a second xyx thought he never heard anything in the first place.

"oh take care, i'll see you later then."

they smiled at him, xyx thought they were adorable but his gut was telling him something was wrong, he paid it no mind, "yeah! goodbye xyx!" they then waved goodbye before running off to somewhere. smiling at the interaction, xyx prepared to leave for work as well.

that day went on as usual for xyx, yet he can't help but think that something was wrong and he doesn't exactly know why. he decides to not think about it further and stops by a fast food chain, buying food for himself and for his neighbor, thinking they could eat together and talk about the recent things that has been happening.

he arrives home and knocks on their door, only to get nothing, not an answer, not them coming to open up the door. xyx twists the knob just to fuck around but surprisingly, the door opened. he knows that they're a bit clumsy but they've never been this careless, so he welcomes himself in and looks around the apartment for them.

nothing too out of the ordinary he thinks, when suddenly the gut-wrenching feeling he had earlier came back at full force.

xyx goes to check their bedroom and there it was, the answer for this uneasy feeling.

fear.

his good friend was hanging from the ceiling, dead.

time suddenly stopped for xyx, he felt numb, but he knew his eyes were acting like a never-ending waterfall, this empty, void-like feeling he so badly want to get rid of.

but he can't.

because he fucked up, yet again.

he knew he made an irreversible mistake, and the worst one yet, just because he was scared of being "hated". which in the first place he should've known that they won't be able to do, even if they both wanted to.

it should be obvious that he fucked up but his mind is not letting it go and he's being reminded of it every second.

even now that 8 years have passed.

he fucked up again, and he just keeps fucking up after they left him, and yet all this built-up guilt he feels from making careless mistakes in everyday doesn't even amount to that one he made that screwed everything over.

he knows nobody blames him, he knows they would never even think of that, he knows and yet.. he can't help but think differently.

if only.

if only he could go back in time and fix everything. he would fix his mistakes with them, and help them live a happier life, if only.

'but life is never that forgiving.' as he walks towards a lonely tombstone.

"hey doll, i fucked up again, you know as i do everyday. i’m doing bad, i hate my job, i hate myself— hell i even hate riding now. i hate life without you doll, it’s fucked. i keep fucking up.”

"i wish i never did with you, though."

[felice-jaganshi]

His Pet

Chapter 15

The next morning, Zariah woke with a yelp, immediately sitting up and looking around, shaking. Angel fell out of his chair,

“Jesus christ! What the fuck?! What's wrong?!”

Alastor's eyes immediately shot open from the sound and slowly sat up, “Darling? It's alright, I'm here.” He tried to comfort her.

She turned to him and buried her face in his chest.

“Sorry… bad dream. I remembered someone from when I was alive… someone who hurt me real bad… I always hoped they'd end up in hell so I'd never see them again. But now I'm here too. Guess yesterday's ‘adventures with Valentino’ brought that back to the surface.”

“Well, I'm certain you'll never see them again, and if you do. Just point them out to me and I'll take care of it.” He pet her head. “For now though, I'll go make you breakfast, Angel will stay here with you. If that is acceptable?”

She nodded, “Okay… I'm not really hungry though.”

 

“I'll keep it light then. You need something since you skipped dinner.” He kissed her forehead and she practically melted.

“Hm, okay, whatever you say.” He chuckled, oh he needed to keep that in mind. She'd do anything for forehead kisses.

With that, Alastor stepped out. Leaving the two alone for a while.

Angel picked himself up off the floor, “Alright, how about I run ya a hot bubble bath? I know I usually like one after a night like last night.” 

“Ooh, a bubble bath sounds nice. You can help me blow dry my tails after too.” She got up and stretched. Angel went and started the bath water.

“Hey, does Smiles know you just asked me to blow you?!” He smirked at his joke, pleased with himself as she laughed so hard she practically doubled over. God, did he need to hear her laugh after all that happened. Good thing dirty jokes were her weakness!  

 

Once the bath was ready and she was soaking, Angel sat on the floor leaning against the tub.

“Hey so… Val's dead. Strawberry TallCake killed him. And I… I don't know what to do now…” He started shaking, “I… don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm free but… Val was nice once… and… I always hoped, that maybe, somehow, some way… that nice side would come back, and things would go back to the good days.” She put a hand on Angel's head, petting him.

“Yeah… I get that. I felt that way about… Arthur… They always love bomb you in the beginning, make life seem like rainbows and sunshine, and promise you everything you've ever wanted… then once you're under their spell… they take everything you don't want to give.”

“Yeah… just sucks that I miss someone so horrible.”

 

“You don't miss him. You miss who he pretended to be. You're mourning someone who never existed, and that's okay… mourn the mask you fell in love with… then let it go. That's what I did. Though I still had a nightmare about him today. So, guess some scars just stick around.”

 

Angel sighed, “Since when did you turn into a therapist? I'm supposed to be the one comforting you. He didn't touch ya in anyways did he?”

“Nah… He tried till I bit off a chunk of his wing and nearly clawed off one of his eyes.”

“You what?!” Angel looked at her, horrified. 

“His wings tasted gross too. It was all powdery and tasted like ashes…” 

 

Angel groaned, “What am I gonna do with you? Ya little weirdo.” He then smiled, “I'm glad you're okay Sis… I'd be a pretty shit brother if ya died on me. Alright, I'll give ya some alone time.”

She smiled, “Okay. Turn on the radio on the nightstand so I can listen to some music. Oh, and the Spicy stories are under my bed if you wanna read them!”

“Yep, got it!” He turned on the radio and picked out one of her stories, choosing one that looked to be about a demon king and an angel falling in love. It sounded interesting enough. 

 

When Alastor finally returned with food. He didn't see her, but her radio was playing. He sat down the food at her desk, then heard her singing coming from the bathroom as she sang along with whatever was playing.

 

“My heart's a stereo, it beats for you so listen close, and hear my thoughts in every no-ote~.

Make me your radio, and turn me up when you feel low.

This melody was meant for you, so sing along to my stereo.”

He realized she was in the bath, which meant he was in her room while she was naked! He felt panic fill him, a proper gentleman doesn't enter a lady's room when she's in a state of undress!  

 

“If I was just another dusty record on the shelf, would you blow me off and play me like everybody else?” She kept singing along, completely unaware he had returned. Well, as far as he knew.

“If I asked you to scratch my back could you manage that?

Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks, it's just the last girl that played me left a couple cracks. I used to- used to- used to, nah I'm over that! Because holding grudges over love is ancient artifacts!”

 

He thought about leaving, but something about the song made him stay, or was it her voice? It felt like her soul was tethering him in place. Which it very well might be, given he owned it.

“If I could only find the note to make you understand, I'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hand! Just keep me stuck inside your head like your favorite tune, and know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you!”

 

She kept singing and he felt like he was under a spell. He sat at her desk chair, and closed his eyes, letting the melody flow over him. She certainly had found the note to make him understand. He had plans for her these days. He intended to teach her how to collect souls and make her an overlord herself. Then, if she became strong enough, maybe she could take on who held his leash…

 

Suddenly he was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of sloshing water, she was getting out of the tub! He started to panic, until-

 

“Hey Al, is my blow dryer on the desk? I think I left it in there.” She knew he was there this whole time?! He looked at the desk.

“Y-yes, it is. I'm sorry for the intrusion, I did not know you were bathing!” He sounded extremely nervous, but she just laughed.

“It's fine! If I had a problem with it, I would have said something. You're fine Al, I know you're not a perv or a creep, so don't stress so much. I know I'm safe with you around regardless of my state of dress, and I hope you feel the same about me.” 

 

“I… suppose I do, actually. You get away with a lot more touching than I'd allow anyone else to do. For some reason, you don't make my skin crawl, and I'm not sure what to do with that.” He was opening up to her, just a little.

 

“You don't have to do anything with it if you don't want to. I'm just happy to be by your side. But getting to hug you and hold your hand makes me crazy happy too.” She came out of the bathroom in her towel and went to pick out fresh clothes before returning to the bathroom to change. Alastor kept his eyes off her the entire time, face bright red.

She came back out once dressed with her hair wrapped up in a towel. She went to grab her blow dryer to work on her tail, but Alastor's shadow got to it first. 

 

“Let me assist you, my dear, that way you can focus on eating.” He got up from the chair and guided her to sit. He wouldn't stop staring until she started eating. Then he hummed in satisfaction and gave her a tiny kiss to her forehead, “good girl.”

 

Alastor took one of her books and began reading while his shadow worked on her tails. After a few minutes, he spoke up again.

“Hm, Zariah, you seem awfully fond of holding someone in your sleep. Might that be something you'd like to do on a more regular basis rather than just when you're in peril?”

She looked up at Alastor with shock! But he kept his eyes glued to the book he was “reading” as he tried to look indifferent. 

 

“Yeah, I love cuddling! It makes me feel so safe and warm. Especially if it's you, you're always allowed in my bed.”

“I see. Then let me make an adjustment to your room.” He snapped his fingers, and her bed became a king sized, rather than the twin it previously was. “There, now if I decide to humor you I won't be so cramped.” 

 

He thought about their potential future together as she ate and gushed over a new story idea she had while in the bath.

He wanted her on his broadcasts, his Radio Angel… they needed to get her training for that, luckily in life he helped his lady coworkers find their voice all the time. So he was confident he could shape her into a proper radio hostess.

Yes, they'd go for walks together, cook meals together, have tea with Rosie, collect souls together. He felt warm in his chest. 

Yes, the radio demon truly did have a heart. And this little angel had won a special place in it.

 

(So this could be considered the end, chapter 16 is just a "bonus" chapter. Will contain consensual cannibalism, if that gets anyone excited.)

[bacony-cakes]

East German spy trying to tap the phone line but his numbers station radio won't turn off: Nein! NEIN! Schalte es aus! Den Mund halten! [fumbles the dial on the radio to maximum volume] NEIN! Scheiße! Scheiße verdammt! Schalten Sie es sofort aus! Es ist zu laut! Die Amerikaner werden mich finden! [the dial on his shitty soviet radio breaks off] NEEEIIIIIN! [his giant spy hat falls off in anguish]

The president of the United States of America: Hello is this the Pentagon? So i've been thinking... after i finish irreversably fucking over the economy, what do you think i should do next? Turn ketchup into a vegetable? Oh, i like that idea! Devilish as always. I've also been thinking that we should attach a laser that causes AIDS to a jumbo jet, maybe? I think it'd go well with that nuke-what-makes-you-gay project. ...Yes, i know the English are breaking new ground with their chicken-powered frozen wood plane, but trust me on this, AIDS Force One is the future of warfare. No, no, the laser gives who it's POINTED at AIDS, not the people operating it. Listen here, you son of an expletive, even if my brain is turning into a cauliflower, i am STILL the smartest man in the world, and I COMMAND you to build a machine that preserves me indefinitely like Mister House from Fallout New Vegas. ...Also, are you having an Oktoberfest party without me? I hear yodel music.

Guy who works at the Pentagon: No, mister president, we are not having an Oktoberfest party. From what i'm hearing, it's you who is having the Oktoberfest party. No, i'm not lying- I'm NOT a communist- DON'T put me on the no-fly list. Mister president, if you would- If you would listen for just one second, not only is a plane flying around and giving people horrible diseases cartoonishly evil, we cannot build a giant laser of any kind, because we've just used up our giant laser budget for faking the moon landings. Yes, but Neil Armstrong- Turn down your music, i can't hear you. No, Neil Armstrong- His name is not- He and those other guys got angry and went there for real. I don't know? Lock them in an airstream or something. No, the moon does not give you AIDS, for fuck's sake. There are not gay communist aliens on the moon that- We are- We are NOT building a "Hexagon" right next door to here that contains only people who listen to you. Also- God-emperor of the dominion of the United States of- Shut up, mister president. Fallout New Vegas doesn't release for what, thirty years? Mister pre- No, i am not going to wiretap the- Yeah, we could probably do that instead- And kill his wife too? That's kind of- Could YOU please turn down the music, mister president? For the last time, you're the one- Plan B? Ok, let's hear it. Hit me. Fly two planes into the- Mister president- What is this supposed to achieve- The good guys from Rambo 3? Mister president, what in the hell- And a third one into- A FOURTH one? Jesus Christ, what's wrong with- Can't you just use explosives or something? What do you even have against- Of course it's fucking about oil. It's all you think of. Every day it's "oil, oil, oil"- Pizza Hut is not communist- Mister president- Listen- No, don't you dare-

It will be done, my lord.

[firephoenix2305]

This is a Rory Williams appreciation post

Because I have recently finished season 6 and I need to shout about it to someone.

(Disclaimer: Severe season 5 and 6 spoilers ahead. If you haven't watched them yet, run away very very fast. Or don't, it's up to you. But you have been warned)

Okay, don't get me wrong. I love Amy, she's great. And I love The Doctor, because well, he's The Doctor, and also Matt Smith, so he's great too.

But.

But. But. But

If I had to pick a favorite...

Rory. Fucking.Arthur. Williams.

I don't even know where to start with this man.

The way he loves Amy. The way he cares about her more than the entire goddamn universe. The way he DOES NOT BUDGE from her side even when she kisses another man the night before their wedding, then proceeds to severely third-wheel him in a very Mickey Smith sort of way for the better part of two episodes (which in retrospect isn't really that much, but STILL) and takes her sweet time to realize she is in love with him.

We are talking, ladies and gentlemen, about the Last goddamn Centurion. This is a man who willingly lived through every single second of 2000 years of human history only to protect Amy Pond. 2000 years without so much as a wink of sleep, or rest, or any synonym of the word. How does this man's heart not physically burst from the sheer amount of love he has for Amy?!?!

I just...I want one. I want a Rory. Does anybody know where I can find a Rory? Pretty please?

And another thing. I'm not sure what it was that Rory did to the writers of this show but JESUS CHRIST. Why so much hate?

And just to prove I'm not even exaggerating, here's a brief summary of some of the things which have happened to this poor guy in seasons 5 and 6. (From the point where he officially joins Amy and The Doctor in the TARDIS onwards, that is)

- S5E7. Killed by the Eknodine in the Dream Lord's fake reality. (And given that horrible ponytail, btw)

- S5E9. Murdered in cold blood by a rogue Silurian, then absorbed by a time crack and hence deleted from the memory of the entire universe. (Being murdered obviously wasn't enough, no)

- S5E13. This is a big one. Revived as an Auton, realized Amy doesn't remember him, then when Amy finally does remember he unwillingly kills her because of his programming (which he eventually breaks free from), stays with the Pandorica for 2000 odd years and finally, after all of that, gets erased from reality. Again. (But it's okay because The Doctor has rebooted the universe, so real Rory came back. Or, rather, never left in the first place. Doctor Who is complicated, okay?!)

- S6E3. To start off the season well, he drowns and practically dies, and is then transferred to a spaceship healing facility where he is essentially hooked to a live support system until Amy brings him back to life.

- S6E4. Tortured and "killed" by the thing controlling the TARDIS, who had a blast warping time and making him go crazy and ultimately making him die of old age. (Not sure if it even counts as a death, but his rotting skeleton was there, so I'm counting it)

- S6E6. Finds out that his wife is not actually his wife but is instead a bunch of sentient flesh which is pretending to be his wife; and that his actual wife is nine months pregnant and currently giving birth to their daughter God knows where. (I did say it was complicated).

- S6E7. Finds Amy and baby Melody, only to lose Melody to the creepy eye patch lady because having lost Amy in the exact same way the previous episode clearly wasn't enough torture for him.

- S6E10. Has "other" Amy (the older version) absolutely hate his guts for something which isn't his fault at all, and has to re-convince her that she loves him. Again. (Seriously, Amy?). Then, he has to sacrifice the other Amy to save his Amy, which was extremely painful for him. (Man, this season gets weirder and weirder, doesn't it?)

- S6E13. Suffers inhumane amounts of pain and almost dies (again) when he lets himself be electrocuted by the eye patch thingy to give Amy, River and The Doctor time to escape. (I know this wasn't technically the same Rory that went through all those other things, but I decided to include it anyway)

AND I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED SEASON 7 YET. Give the man a break! And stop killing him, for God's sake!

(I know this won't happen, because although I haven't watched S7 I accidentally spoiled the whole weeping angel business to myself, so yeah)

And lastly, this scene >>>

Do. Not. Fuck. With the roman.

I just love him.

That is all. Thanks for hearing me out, I feel better.

(@capinejghafa was the furthest back I could track these gifs, but I don't know if they were the one who made them).

[mara-and-its-the-same]

There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort 🌷- pick a character or a few and come up with a prompt and I’ll write a fluff blurb <3

hi hi can u do robin buckley and her asking u to go out with her (which u assume is just as friends) but then she confesses to u on the date and it's just super cute

this is so awkward why cant i phrase things normally

Eeeeeeee thank you, I love you, this has been sitting in my docs for forever but you're finally back so it can finally see the light of day!!!

a/n: ummm to many princess bride references but I love it more than anything soooooo i'll reference it til I die <3 wc:2.4k Also, like, hardly proofread :( but I hope you like it <3 (you're an amazing friend and everyday I'm so grateful for you sara)

“Steve,” Robin rushed behind the counter and kept her back to the edge, a poor attempt to not be recognized. “Steve, Steve, Steve, please, I beg, I can’t do it. You have to help me. When do I ask you for anything?”

“Literally every day.”

“Steve, please, literally I am asking you to help the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and you’re saying no.”

“I still don’t understand why you can’t talk to her.”

“Why can’t I talk to her?!” She looked around frantically trying to find you, making sure you weren’t close enough to hear her panicking. “Jesus Christ! Have you met me?! I’m a disaster. Last time I talked to her, I couldn’t stop!”

“I remember, Keith got all bent out of shape cus you left a line of 3 people.”

“Heh, yeah,” she agreed with a sarcastic laugh. “Also, I was saying so many things even I couldn’t keep up. It was horrible. It was so bad, I—” Steve turned her around by the shoulder and you smiled at her and held up the VHS in your hands. She finished the other half of the rotation and stopped Steve from running off to the back. “You cannot leave me alone, please, I beg of you,” she mouthed.

He twirled his finger around in the air, meaning ‘turn around,’ and pushed the swinging door open with his back, mouthing “Do it”. Leaving Robin to her own devices indefinitely.

“Hi, um, just this.” You put The Princess Bride on the counter. The 5th time you’ve rented it in 6 months (which she definitely knows from the records on your account and definitely not because she’s been keeping a mental note of everything you like. That’d be ridiculous).

“You really like this one.”

Your eyebrows kind of twitched in a way that made her regret so much as breathing wrong around you, but it vanished before she got the chance to grovel for forgiveness. “Yeah, uh, I really like it.”

She doesn’t even need to ask for your phone number anymore. It’s been on constant repeat in her mind since last Saturday and every Saturday before that. “And your phone number?” But she thought it’d be weird, too forward for you to know she knew it by heart.

“You don’t know it by now?” You raised an eyebrow and she gave you a half smile. She typed it in faster than you could watch her fingers to make sure she got it right, and the lack of hesitation did not go unnoticed by you. She really knew it.

“Uh, did you know…while they were filming, Andre the Giant needed an ATV to get around set since it was like, up on a big hill?” She asked while you counted out the change. She didn’t even want exact change. She’d put up with it. She’d make 97 cents for you, even though they’re fresh out of dimes.

“I did know that. Did you know Cary Elwes broke his toe on said ATV?”

“I did not. How’d he manage that?”

“His foot got caught on the petal and I guess it was enough to break his toe.”

“Oh wow.”

“Sorry, it’s uh, a little over.” Your fingers brushed her palm as you handed her the coins.

“Thank you,” she whispered and you felt the chill of her hand, but you wanted nothing more than to warm them in yours and never let go. She never counted change so fast, just to get to give it to you faster; for your fingertips to brush again. “Um, heh–“ she cut herself off for fear of further embarrassment.

“Sorry?”

“What?”

“You were saying something.”

“Yeah, it was dumb. I don’t–“

“It’s not dumb.”

“Yeah?”

“Now I’m curious so you kind of have to tell me now.”

“I suppose I do then. Do you want–” she huffed and started over. “Are you doing anything Thursday night?”

“I’m working til 6, but I’m free after that.”

“Yeah, at the- the arcade.”

“The arcade, yes. But what were you thinking?”

“Hm?”

“You asked if I was busy, was that just out of curiosity or did you want to go out?”

“Go out?”

“Is that a question?”

Robin just then noticed how close both of you were leaning on the counter. “Um, heh,” she cleared her throat with an awkward laugh. “They're having a special showing, at the drive in, just a town over, and uh, I was wondering if you–If you’d wanna go with me?”

“I’d love to, but I don’t have a car, my brother has it that day.”

“I don’t either.”

“My brother usually picks me up, we get off work at the same time so he could just drive me over to yours and we can figure out something else?”

“If you really want to go, we should go. I really want to take you.” You both smiled brighter than the sun at that. But then Robin had to go and have the worst idea of her life. Worse than following a middle schooler into a secret Russian bunker. “Maybe, uh, Steve could drive us?” She definitely saw the way both corners of your mouth dropped, but you were quick to pick them back up.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s uh, that’d be great. Pick me up at 6:15, yeah? Give me a chance to get ready and then we’ll go?” Robin nodded, mortified, dying on the inside, how could she be such an idiot. You spoke while walking backwards towards the door, “Great, you have my number. Give me a call if anything changes.” You never speed walked to the car. You didn’t even have the chance to turn the key in before you were throwing your head back against the rest. “Fuck, fuck, fuuuck,” then you realized you walked out empty handed. No tape in sight. “Goddamn it.” You were not going back in there.

***

“Oooohhh, is somebody ready for their big date?” Cecelia, your coworker, walked into the bathroom where you were checking your eyeliner in the mirror.

“It’s not a date.”

“The drive in with Steve ‘the Hair’ Harrington? Sounds like a date to me.”

“He’s just dropping us off.” You so, so, so carefully fixed a flake of mascara without messing up the rest of the look.

“Oh, so you’re going with someone else?” Cecelia leaned her back against the small cabinet diagonal from the 2 stalls. “Tell me everything.”

“You know the girl he works with, Robin?” She cocked her head. “Buckley?” Still nothing. “Dirty blonde, in the marching band, plays the trumpet, took AP Spanish freshman year? It was a whole thing.”

“Oh her. Yes, yes, I know her…You’re going on a date with her?”

“Well, I was kinda hoping yeah, but now she’s having Steve drive us ‘cause neither of us have a car, so now I just don’t know.”

“But you want it to be a date?” She stepped up to you and licked her thumb to fix your lipstick.

“Yeah.”

“Then kick him out. Make him fetch you guys some drinks, some popcorn. Tell him to see how many numbers he can get before the Fire Swamp.”

“They’re like a bonded pair! I can’t just separate them like that.”

“You can and you must.” And then she checked her watch. “Better watch it, Sappho. You’re cuttin it close. All that yearning is gonna make you late.”

“Fuuuuckkk.” You groaned then practically ran out the door.

Right out the door and right into Robin.

“Hi,” you smiled regardless of the disappointment in the lack of romantic undertones. You smiled big, and so did she, like your faces didn’t know how to do anything else when you looked at each other.

“Hi, how– how are you? I didn’t mean to scare you, they told me you’d be back here and I didn’t want to seem like a jerk and wait in the car for you to come out because that’d be– that’d be pretty, really shitty. And… yeah, how are you?” You were surprised she didn’t run out of breath, she hasn’t run herself out like that to you in a while. She hasn’t been nervous around you like that in a while.

“I’m good, better now that you’re here. How are you?”

“Good, really good. It starts at 7 but we should get going now if you want a good spot.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

“Perfect…I, uh, I hope you don’t mind, Steve brought Max and El, the boys had a campaign and they were all bored.”

Everything she says makes this less and less of a date. Whatever, doesn’t matter, you’ll take her in whatever way you can get her.

“No, that's ok. They’re cool.”

“The coolest.” She offered you her arm which you gladly took.

You’d known each other for months, why did it feel like you didn’t know what to do with each other.

“Hey, how’s it goin?” Steve asked when he got out to open the back door for both of you.

“Good, pretty good. I’m excited for tonight.”

“Good. I should warn you, me and the kids–” “We’re not kids.” “ –will probably be taking off early, Max wants to go look at some supernatural museum she found nearby, but we’ll definitely be back to pick you guys up. It’s a pretty short walk.”

“We have to walk there?!” Max asked with enough attitude to rival Mike’s. Steve gave her a look paired with a sharp nod trying to get her into the front seat. Trying his hardest to be a good wingman.

She shook her head and mouthed fine, then El took the middle seat and Max did the same head nod with her to get her to one side. Robin slid in first to take the middle and you got the seat next to her.

It was a fun ride, Steve and the girls were at their funniest, doing their best to paint Robin in only the most complimenting light. You got the perfect spot. Not too close to the front or back, the perfect distance to see the whole screen but not have it in your face and the concession stand was far enough that it was a walk but there’d be none of it’s traffic buzzing around you.

Somehow, Robin convinced you to stay behind and fix the radio to the right frequency while Steve took her to get a pep talk drinks and popcorn before he left.

“You’re gonna be fine. You were great in the car.”

“Steve, no, listen to me, I cannot do this alone. You cannot leave me.”

“Robin, listen to me. Ok? The whole time in the car she was smiling, she’s having a great time. She really likes you. You feel that electricity?”

“What?”

“The electricity? Between you guys, it’s like off the charts. You got this, man. You’re fine.” He put a hand on her shoulder and El handed her the massive popcorn from one side and Max gave her the extra large slushy with two straws from the other. Then they both gave her big smiles and two thumbs up.

“You got this,” El said and Max gave her another pat on the shoulder and off she went.

You had just got the radio right when you saw her coming down the row of cars. Clearly, her hands were overfull so just as she came up to the car you opened the door and oh fuck.

In a flash of blue, slushie was all over. All over Robin, that is. “Oh thank god none of it got in the car.” She gasped, though her lips were on their way to turning just as blue.

“Robin, no, what about you?!” The urgency was enough to pull you over the center console rather than out the door and around the front to brush off the few pieces that clumped together. “Are you ok?! I don’t care about the car. I’m so sorry, my depth perception has been so messed up from staring at the computer all day, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was– I wasn’t thinking.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works,” she mumbled.

“Come on, let’s go change.” You started pulling her in the direction of the bathrooms.

“Into what, I’m soaked.”

“Yeah and if you don’t get into something dry; like my sweatshirt that I promise you I don’t need before you try and tell me I’ll be cold; you’ll freeze.”

“I really don’t– You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do. Come on.”

You took her into the family one, the big clean one right in the center of all the rest. “Here.” You pulled off the big, fluffy, crew neck and she thought she’d drop dead when she caught sight of the way your shirt rose up the slightest bit. You held it out to her and it took her a second to remember that she wasn’t dreaming.

“Thank you,” and leave it to Robin Buckley to say the dumbest joke at the worst moment. Just as she was about to pull her soaked shirt over her head, “Wow, and here I was thinking we’d get to at least a third date before you got me in such a compromising position.” She said with an unforced laugh at the end with her head still deep inside her sweatshirt so she didn’t see the feature film that was your face trying to figure out what she meant.

“This is a date?”

Really catching her off guard while she’s pulling a soaked bra, now probably stained blue, out of the sleeve.

“Uh, did you– I just– I thought–” She tried to go for the door but you caught her eye.

“I want it to be.”

“You do?”

“I’ve been tearing myself up all week ‘cause I wasn’t sure. But I really wanted it to be. So,, is it?”

She nodded fervently, “Yes, yeah, absolutely.”

“Good, so uh, do you maybe wanna go get some hot chocolates instead and we can take that blanket Steve was trying to be sneaky about and cuddle in the back seat?”

“As you wish.”

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it and if you did I'd love to hear what you think <3 Comments and reblogs mean the world to me 💕💕💕 Support your creators babes

[compressednerve]

Exploring Zachariah Trench's Office with @parasitefun

So many crazy white boy moments in his office so here's rambling about observations we made together. BTW we haven't finished the game yet (we're at The Prime Candidate Program and just found out who P7 is) so PLEASE DON'T TELL ME IF THESE ARE CORRECT OR IF I THEORIZE THE WRONG THING. I don't wanna be spoiled on anything >:O thank you.

Analysis, headcanons, and observations below!

What does his diploma say? Lets zoom in

DIPLOMA THIS CERTIFICATE IS PROUDLY PRESENTED TO

Zachariah Trench

One morning, when Zachariah Trench woke from troubling dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin.

..........oh!! oh ok, the Kafka quote about becoming so disabled you can no longer work? And you see yourself as A HORRIBLE VERMIN because you're disabled? And they put that on a diploma and proudly gave it to Trench! Jesus Christ!!! Go listen to some of The Downward Spiral, Zachariah!!! My god I'm so fucking heartbroken over how Zachariah talks about being old and frail and weak and BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!! and useless and-I could go on. I'm a mostly bedridden disabled person myself and I usually find myself relating the most to the older characters in casts of media because they're usually the ones portrayed with the same issues I have as a younghead (arthritis, brain damage/brain fog/amnesia, fatigue and exhaustion, difficulty moving and speaking, just.. yum). And being bedbound myself is something that I feel really deeply in Kafka's work. To realize Trench relates so deeply to Gregor Samsa as well is just such a juicy delicious detail for him. And it's a diploma? My head is spinning! His self-hatred is infinite...

I love that the diploma is tucked away behind the slide projector as well. I'm not sure if this is The Slide Projector that's been hinted at but it'd be neat if it was!

NOBLE SHERIFF: "There can only be one Sheriff in town" ... :rolling_eyes: ok Mr. The Only Person You Should Fail Is Yourself ok Mr. She Knows I Don't Like Relying On Other People ok Mr. I Need A Team To Clean Up My Horrible Mistakes (k!lls self to avoid taking accountability for his actions and dumps it all in Jesse's lap). He was just drinking straight from the fucking bottle at his desk!! That's so disgusting I love it, no chaser or anything. I love the tasteful rolodex, the smooth marble pen holder (with silver in the black, but, kind of evocative of The Astral Plane hmm?), his stapler, his disgusting jug of booze, and the FRESH PACK OF CIGGIES!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!! God, Trench's addictions and compulsions being literally on his desk, the most intimate and well-frequented area of his general daily life, is just so fun! Remedy does so good with environmental storytelling.

I love how even the brands he uses are manifestations of his inner thoughts. The booze label, the tool that relaxes him and dampens his inhibitions, is of course praising him. The Lone Sheriff. The Director. The Last Line Of Defense. Zachariah Trench sees himself as the sole protector, and The Oldest House his town, his community, his ward. The most likely intentional framing of the documents he was signing being splattered with blood, acting like a barrier of his Work vs his Needs (need to relax, need for a painkiller cuz booze is a great painkiller)

I got to his documents piles and literally shouted, "HE HAS SO MUCH MORE WORK TO DO!!!!". I love that the OUT pile is more full than the IN pile, Trench is so judicious with his correspondence :pleading_face: he's so tired. I bet he wishes he was still a Field Agent a lot of the time :sobbing: Looking at all the stuff on his desk like the sheer amount of documents and phone calls and other shit he has to do in a day to day as The Director must be sooo overwhelming...

It was during this moment that Paras and I realized that the greater joke of Control is about older people who stay in their jobs and refuse to make room for other workers, and they get Promoted To Incompetence! lmfao because like, Zachariah was so focused on Field Agent Stuff (in one of his Hotline calls he says, "I kept my head down. I worked my ass off." in a classic blue collar way) and being all tragic and putting his life on the line for his squad, then suddenly and forcefully being promoted to The Boss Of Everything. No wonder he has such a complex about Failing The Bureau :O

the same applies to Dr. Darling--! He's been in The Bureau for a 24 years!! He has 22 labs spread across the ever-shifting expanse of The Oldest House. He, mainly, wants to Do Research and Write Essays and all sorts of other shit that mainly revolves around being an isolated scientist with a modest team. And instead he has to make presentations for the laymen of The Bureau and he has to manage all THE ENTIRE RESEARCH SECTOR, who sends him catty memos about how their department deserves more funding (parakineseology department bribing him with his favorite booze???), and interns and junior scientists who don't know the first thing about The Astral Plane, and as Dr. Underhill complained about- The Bureau's ultimate goal is to exploit what they find, rather than actually comprehend what it is they're dealing with. Most Rangers retire due to cognitive collapse because The Bureau just shoves them in the meat grinder of trying to contain/control Everything. Ugh!

So anyways Zachariah Trench isn't a bad Director but then he's literally such a bad Director, the Worst Director Ever at the same time because it just wasn't his archetype. He took it way too seriously with a hammer in hand, seeing every problem as a nail. Dr. Darling fits the opposite of this niche as well in his own archetypical way- going from goofy underling to The Guy In Charge Of Everyone. They're both socially awkward, domineering, prone to pettiness/hostility, and under so so so much pressure for roles they were universally understood to not be able to fulfill.

All of the people we see in Control that are actually useful and agreeable with Jesse (who has been a dropout who mainly ever worked manual labor jobs up to and including janitor) so far are like, Ahti the mid-60yr old janitor who also just so happens to be the first friendly face you see when you enter the FBC and like, Simon? And fucking Langston (who is so hot I gotta write some Jesse/Frederick later)!

Langston, who is what I imagine is a direct parallel in a positive light compared to Dr. Darling and Director Trench, as in, how he entered The Bureau (he worked in the Postal Service of all places and an uncle at The FBC got him a job there), and Langston, like Trench, worked his ass off, kept his head down, but schmoozed enough to get a nice promotion, and then continued to work at a slow, steady incline for 15 years until he became Panopticon supervisor. He's like one of the only dudes in a high ranking spot who actually respects his position.

And of course who could forget dear Emily Pope :pleading_face: she's been Dr. Darling's underling for idk how long but clearly a while and she's so so ambitious like Darling is ambitious but she's so so so inhibited and held back by Darling's misogyny and higher ranking and having to be ordered to research shit but not actually be able to ask the real questions. You can really get a feel for how passionate Emily is in her work by like, not just how she talks to Jesse but in her correspondence and especially her research papers. The way she words documents ordered by Dr. Darling vs how she words documents ordered by Director Jesse Faden is literally night and day, but not for lack of enthusiasm. You can tell under Darling's mentorship she's soooo stifled, and with Jesse's lax permission "please just do whatever you want so long as it advances my (and The Bureau's) understanding of things". Emily's like a kid in a candy store and it's exactly what she needs to flourish.... Oh to bask in the light of a manual laborer :heart_eyes:

Another angle of his documents which I find titillating. The majority of his blood splatter landing on the IN pile... efflorescent....

THE FUCKING. BLACK ROCK PRISM ON HIS DESK. Paras has something to say about that later in a fic or some art. The other pack of ciggies that he was in the process of smoking (I counted the cigarettes. He has 8 ciggies left which means he's smoked 12 already. There are 4 in the ashtray which means at some point after opening the pack, he smoked 8 and then dumped the ashtray. This shows he keeps his ashtray relatively clean, which is a specific kind of character quirk about Tidiness and Cleanliness for Trench because chainsmokers like me and Paras are disgusting and our ashtray is overflowing by like, three packs and it smells horrible). The way it sits atop all his other shit he needs to sign, he's just drowning in documents (sort of like how I imagine Alan is drowning in manuscripts? WHO SAID THAT?)

*looks over Jesse's shoulder and realizes Trench's body is gone* *nearly shouting to Paras, who is sitting right next to me* WHERE IS TRENCH'S BODY? WHERE DID HIS BODY GO? WHY IS HIS BLOOD ON THE FLOOR BUT NOT HIS BODY? DID THE FUCKING BOARD TAKE HIM? DID THEY EAT HIM? WHO ATE TRENCH?

I've been likening Zachariah Trench a lot to Rorschach in his perpetual death-wish (he wants to die so bad but he'll fight everything that tries to kill him to the bloody end because he feels he can only die when he's ready to die ugh yum). The empty blood splatter after you come back from The Hotline Chamber for the first time (and realizing that The Hotline Chamber is DIRECTLY CONNECTED TO TRENCH'S OFFICE? HELLO?) is soooo fucking reminiscent of Rorschach's final death scene, where the blood splatter is the shape of his mask :hand_over_mouth: soooo symbolic sooo iconic. Note to self: Paras and I need to write/draw something about different people devouring Trench's corpse (yum).

(SIDENOTE: PLEASE DONT TELL ME IF THERE'S A CANONICAL REASON FOR WHY TRENCH'S CORPSE DISAPPEARS. THAT'D BE BALLER IF THERE WAS A CANONICAL REASON BUT WE WANNA FIND OUT ON OUR OWN!)

I wanna lick the blood off his desk and phone. Oohhhhhhn n the way it drips down the edge of the desk. I want to give him so many head wounds here. He spilled his final blood all over his classified documents and telephone and finished work and desk that he sat at a lot :pleading_face: and he was only 64 years old wah. He was so tragic and so sad and what if there was a dude who was so sad he DIED because his boss was like "put the gun to your head and see if we still like you" and Trench was like "oh good, finally, an opportunity to see if I'm still worthy" AND HE FUCKIN. WAS PROVED. UNWORTHY? OUCH, DUDE!!! HARSH!!!

Zachariah's Personal Signature Rubber Stamp (CUMS UNCONTROLLABLY)

Dude I had no fucking clue he had a picture of himself when he was younger (and healthier, and happier, and) with his kid that he accidentally killed. Like what??? He's so miserable and he sits at his desk with TWO packs of cigarettes and a giant bottle of like i'm guessing whiskey or scotch, and he just sits there and gets nosebleeds from using The Hotline and chainsmokes and stares at his Former Glory. MY GOD!

...............pistachios :pleading_face: he eats pistachios. he has pistachio snack. he enjoys pistachios. there is a bag of pistachios at his desk. he had to have gotten that at a vending machine. zachariah trench had to either ask someone to get him some pistachios (vulnerable) or he had to get up and go to a vending machine and put his money into the vending machine because he wanted a snack and he chose to get pistachios and he had to bend over and get the pistachios out of the bottom of the vending machine. zachariah trench eating pistachios. he has to crack the shells open and dispose of them somehow. pistachios are green. he eats pistachios. he wants a snack. i am literally a shell of a human being.

Imagine the smell of his nice leather briefcase. The weight of it in your hand. The privilege to watch Trench open it up and rifle through the papers, or *gets lightheaded* being able to hand him a document that he then has to place in his briefcase. I can't breathe. I like the pneumos in the background too. He has a very natural gentle clutter to his desk, like I imagine how he perceives the clutter of his mind. There's so many things to keep track of, and he's so tired... :weeping:

I'm so utterly enraged that he didn't finish two of his cigarettes. He didn't even finish his ciggie before he died!! are you fucking kidding me?! I was somewhat bewildered because the texture of the inside of the ashtray (the ashtray) looks... wet? and the two finished cigarette butts are visibly wet (distorted color, swollen cotton) and Paras said that the ashtray probably has a sort of perpetually wet sand inside it. Works for me!

Did you know if you shoot the Prism, it's breakable? I didn't know that. Makes the screenie a bit goofy but I don't care. Look at his over half-finished pack of ciggies. I would pay. kind of a lot of money. for like a collectors edition of real Black Pyramid Cigarettes are you kidding me? What kind of nightmare dimension tobacco do they put in those things?

He looks so moe here receiving his gay little medals or whatever's happening (idk if this has story relevance and gets revealed later or not). His hairdo is so cute??? Did he... did he bleach his hair? It looks like his roots are showing thru old bleach... is... Yung Trench a bleached hair baddie? I'm gonna pass out.

Me: look at that! Trench is watching the presentation! Paras: LOOK AT HOW SMOKY THE ROOM IS! HE'S HOTBOXING HIS OFFICE WITH NICOTINE! Both of us: *gagging*

So first of all this is such a big moment in terms of setting up Zachariah and Casper's relationship to each other, and how they interact with each other. Jesse uses The Hotline, and then we're treated to an interdimensional 3D Memory Flashback of observing Trench. He's sitting in his office, which is dimmed so the projector can play. He's chainsmoking so much that the ENTIRE VOLUME of his MODESTLY LARGE OFFICE is FILLED with CIGARETTE SMOKE. I genuinely am so disgusted and enamored by Trench's hardcore nicotine addiction, his.... dedication to the Ritual of Smoking. So anyways, engaging in his comfort ritual of Smoking, sitting in his nice chair and watching Darling's presentation. Imagine him ordering Darling to put together research on The Hotline immediately after his first call with The Board... and he's the only one who can communicate about what the experience is like... and then when Dr. Darling is done he delivers the video to Trench and then Trench sets aside specific dark-room-and-smoking time JUST to watch The Presentation? CAN IT GET ANY MORE HOMOSEXUAL THAN THIS? I *will* be writing about this later.

Sidenote the perspective of viewing behind his head like this is so intimate. I feel so voyeuristic, I want to hover closer to the back of Trench's neck and feel/see the hairs rise up in extrasensory response to my presence. I want to nibble on his ear.

I need him. to blow smoke in my face.

...

Well that's all the screenshots I have at the moment! Thank you for reading my post and please feel free to contribute your own ideas and observations to this because I LOVE META!! And I love hearing other people discuss it too >:3

[trigunwritings]

So I have some THOUGHTS about episode 9 now that I finally was able to watch it, so I’m gonna ramble on about them below the readmore

- The brief flashback to Knives and Vash playing the piano together was interesting, not only in that it means both of them are fairly talented on the instrument, but also because it means the song that Knives has been playing in the times we’ve seen him has been only one-half of the full thing perhaps? I’m sure there’s something quite symbolic about it and how it pertains to the brothers being so interconnected, so I wonder how that might show up later 🤔

- Though I would have preferred to get some more depth to Knives via the scenes with Tesla (since that both showcases the stark difference between their viewpoints and establishes a really good reason for Knives to fear/hate humans so much) I did like that we got to see a direct act that shows the audience just how little the common population thinks of plants as anything more than tools

- “We’ve hit the production limit. They put too great a load on the plants, it cut them off from the higher dimension. They can’t maintain their bodies.” <- I have no clue what the hell that’s supposed to mean but, as the person becoming known in this fandom as the feral plant headcanon-er, I am VERY interested to see if they’ll ever elaborate on that since the manga/first anime never did. *shakes the Stampede series* LET ME KNOW THE SECRETS OF THE INTER-DIMENSIONAL ALIENS

- The ‘Last Run’ scene in general was fairly disturbing, but I know that was the point in order to hit home how Knives so far has interacted with humans (the mental pain had to be horrible, given how bad the distress of a single plant had affected Vash)—but who was the man he was with? Was that supposed to be Conrad? Has Knives already started up his cult?

- Even though Knives totally murdered some dudes, he sure did look cool while doing it

- “Outside of human control, plants use up all their energy in one burst and die.” / “So you bought into that nonsense… No matter how comfortable, chains are still chains.” 🫣

- WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON WITH VASH’S ARM

- “Is that… a gate?” WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THAT AT SOME POINT THANK YOU

- I find it interesting how Vash losing his arm was not from the direct influence of Knives—either his Angel Arm doesn’t exist, or its a wildly different kind of power. Either way, Knives having to make a split-second decision to remove his brother’s arm in order to keep that ‘gate’ (looks like a black hole to me tbh) from swallowing up everything is a really neat twist on intention.

- I saw a post recently joking about Knives being utterly obsessed with his brother and I thought it was hyperbole. I SEE THAT IT IN FACT ISNT. Knives you are a lonely fucker I swear to god.

- Last episode I was so confused on the timeline and was worried that they had shortened the time between the flashbacks to the present day—and I’m super happy to be wrong! Putting Luida and Bradley in cryosleep in order to prolonged their lives was a very creative way to keep those characters interacting with Vash.

- Meryl being SO surprised and impressed by flowers really hit home that they straight up DON’T exist on Noman’s Land…. which, jesus, that was a surprise. I assumed at best sickly little potted plants might have existed, but none? Very interesting…

- Roberto being pessimistic is really hitting home that I know he’s going to die soon and will likely be replaced with Milly in the following seasons. I really enjoy the way his character pairs with Meryl’s energy and positive realism 😭

- Ngl Zazie the Beast is lightly growing on me, mostly as a neat antagonist since they represent the native species on Noman’s Land before anyone else arrived. Wonder if their alliance will alter at any point…

- “Outside of human control, plants use up all their energy in one burst and die.” / “So you bought into that nonsense… No matter how comfortable, chains are still chains.” 🫣

- Totally thought Luida was going to die either by Vash (accidentally) or Knives (purposefully).

[kerryweaverlesbian]

2023, cawis created...

Last year I made a post (which I cannot find) delighted to have published 81,932 words to Ao3 over 20 fics. This year I beat that with 111,227! 25 fics new last year! and that's not including poetry or things I only posted to tumblr! How wonderful!! I'm gonna do a little commentary on each of them (and I will thoughtfully put it below the cut because as I said there are 25. There is a "horny" section with some explicit quotes so just scroll past to the next heading if you don't want to see that lol.

Comedies I like to go hehehe hahaha

Stakes Aren't Just For Vampires Cas and Dean get high and silly "You're repulsive," Dean says by rote, and he isn't sure if he meant it to but it comes out cloying and sweet, like an affectionate nickname.

The first one I posted last year! It took me until March :0 I wrote this one. For maybe a slightly mean reason haha. I saw a fic where Cas did a bet for money and I was like ?? why would CAS care about getting money?? So I tried to think of a situation where he would make a bet and this one materialized!

Did you notice! I used the old reliable Rule Of Three to make the ending of Dean not sure if he said "I love you" or just thought it more potent? He thinks and then immediately says what he's thinking twice before: Cas is perfect/"You're perfect" - Dean wants to kiss him/"I want to kiss you" - and then: "I love you Cas," he thinks he says. I chose "1000 dollars" from the CBBC comedy sketch show Stupid sketch where 2 old ladies ask how much something costs and it's a normal amount and they mishear as "A thousand pounds?! You can't expect me to buy a bun for a thousand pounds. Shame on you!! I am taking my business ELSEWHERE!". The comments won't all be this long lmao (<- edit: she's wrong)

I'll Drink To That Sam and Dean both come out as bisexual at the same time late in life and they're both flabbergasted "What, do you think about how every friend we have would be in bed?"  Dean tips his head to the ceiling thoughtfully and Sam wants to melt into the floor.  "You're horrible. I hate you. I hate spending time with you." 

The SECOND one I posted last year!! I had to cut off a joke where it's suggested that Cas may have had sex with Jesus Christ (but it's very possible he's just messing with Dean) for the sake of flow. First fic I chatted with @homoangel about so I always think of him when I think of this fic <3

I'VE CRAWLED FURTHER INTO THE VCR Cas's dream of being vored by the VCR machine is finally realised Intricate, high effort collaboration, all for the relatively unimportant end of entertaining other humans for somewhere around an hour and a half. The entire enterprise amounts to making pleasing shapes and noises for each other. Fruitless. Pointless...To spend months, years even, producing something, the only purpose of which is to waste more time…the decadence was astounding. [horny]

Speaking of fics that make me think of my friends! Wrote this for dear @castielsprostate's 1k event. Get weird get wild!! He is THE teevee angel and I love him I love him I love him for it!!!!!!

Tragedies Auogh ouch ow ouchies. Hehe <3

The Aftermath Dean and Cas have sex. It was great. Dean can't let it happen again. "He wonders - and he shouldn't, but - he wonders if Cas will sit here again, later, feeling out the absences that Dean is going to leave behind."

The THIRD one I posted this year!!! I went directly from silly silly silly to "[Dean] is a practical man, always has been. If there's something behind you that would kill you to look at it, you just don't look at it.". I think this is one of my best (<- guy who is going to say this about most of her fics sajbfhsv. I wouldn't post them if I wasn't proud of them!!)

Time/Body Problem Cas and Dean make out in the car before Cas's date in Heaven Can't Wait. It doesn't change anything. he's all sensation now, mind-body-time melted together like carved figures on a wax candle.

I wrote this and Aftermath on the same day. I was THINKING about how Dean and Cas so so so often ALMOST have it. Dean, here, is enthralled by the idea that Cas is human now and could want him (although, Cas definitely also wants him as an angel lmao but this is what Dean thinks) but also put off by it. When they kiss, he sees Cas as angelic, with a streetlamp halo, able to melt time, but when Cas is walking away from him, he's just some human guy who, crucially, can't save Dean anymore. Cas had reliably been the guy who could blast into any dangerous situation and come out on top (hot) and while that's not the only thing Dean likes about him, it WAS such a relief for scaredboy dangerlife Dean to have a guy who makes things SAFE. And now he can't. So the risk of making their relationship deeper feels even greater. Perhaps it is a selfish thought for Dean to want Cas to be able to rescue him still, but they're both in such perilous positions. He's worried for Cas too.

Oh did yous get the title by the way? It's like the mind/body problem which is, 'is the mind separate from the body or are they completely inextricable'? 'If I think of something sad and start crying while I'm hormonal, is that feeling from by body or from my mind' is how I understand it, but I'm not a philosopher haha. So time/body problem is like, all three of: Does their relationship need human senses and physical touch in order to be meaningful? Does Castiel's new experience of linear time (aka not being an angel) change how he and Dean relate to each other? And also, the more straightforward, they don't have enough time. Not to say I thought all that when the phrase came into my head, it's just bc I knew the phrase mind/body problem and mind slant rhymes with time, but that's why I liked it enough to use as a title haha.

Smoke Breaks series Dean and Cas share cigarettes at different points in their lives. Cas trails off, taking another long pull. He's going to smoke the whole thing at this rate, rude and overindulgent. Dean doesn't begrudge him, neither the cigarette nor the silence. He knows what he means. 

Someone told me in the comments that reading the first one fit exactly into their actual smoke break I was like WOAH :0!!! Smoking is, unfortunately, really sexy.......I keep trying to think of a way to add another fic to make this thing end on a positive note but the theme of smoking thwarts that haha. Inherently, it is about doing something you know is unhealthy and grey and makes you feel worse, like hunting, like endverse Cas's relationship with endverse Dean, like coming back to see the lover you hurt when you can't touch them or change anything, but it's always bitter sweet because you sometimes get that burst of relief. (That's not a commentary on smokers, just on the theme of smoking as used by this series!)

The last one I think drives that home most bluntly, "No amount of talking is going to change anything." but they still hold on to each other. Also in the last one, I just wanted them to be in kind of miserable surroundings and decided on a weird, dank, alice in wonderland themed motel room, which is a) something interesting to describe when I need space between dialogue and b) the ill-advised freaky looking murals of half-humanoid Wonderland characters is a reflection of how Castiel feels - not human enough, not Other enough, twisted out of shape and c) it 'reflects' (I'm about to do a pun) their relationship has gone 'through the looking glass' (teehee) from the understood 'brothers in arms' to a strange, uncertain place where the rules have changed.

Shaking Out The Nest John gets frustrated by Dean asking to visit Sam at college. "I talk a lot of shit, but [Sam]'s always gonna be family. He's..." the only reason I'm alive, same as you, John can't quite get to come out of his mouth, so instead he repeats, "He's good."

In the demon plane episode where it's revealed that John would rave about Sam getting a full scholarship to Stanford. I think about it SO MUCH. John loved his kids but that didn't make him a suitable parent. I wanted to explore those complicated emotions and the thought patterns that might lead him to what he does. Like I don't think it's deliberately thought out scheming malice that makes him say things that make Dean feel worthless. But he only sees him as a kid when he "fails" at being an "adult" (as in, when Dean disagrees with him) and he thinks it's his job as a parent to tell Dean to knock that off. He wouldn't see his reframing of Sam leaving to "He left both of us because of his pettiness" as playing them off against each other, even though he IS, he'd see it as telling the hard truth and trusting his son to be a grown up about it. John is very emotional and parenting just via your own emotions rather than being able to step back and go 'am I being fair? is this a reasonable response to what's actually happening?' leads to situations like John blaming Dean for the Schtriga incident or saying he should 'rot in jail' for stealing peanut butter.

Horny ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Close Zoom (too close) Dean and Cas make out for the first time while watching a movie. Cas gets overexcited. [Cas] replays the experience of holding Dean; the way his eyelids had fluttered shut with relief when their mouths first connected; the lean in by increments that ended with Dean on top of him....He wants to touch him. No, he amends the oft repeated thought, he wants to touch him again. 

I also wrote this inspired by going huh??? from another fic where they watch a movie together on a date on a first date and DON'T make out like. What are we doing here gang. If they are "watching a movie" and enjoy making out, then they ARE making out before the credits roll lmao. (In MY humble opinion!!!) Obviously chose The Mummy bc Dean's bisexual and I KNOW that man is showing Cas all his Formative To My Sexuality movies as a move to try and suss out what Cas's preferences are. The Lost Boys, Mr & Mrs Smith, Van Helsing, Labyrinth, Indiana Jones, Charlie's Angels, the list goes on.... Also my first installment with Cas having a bit of a pain kink (excited by the thought of a shock collar lol which I havvve been thinking about doing something more with.)

I have. by the way. a second work in progress where Cas gets wayyy more worked up than he was expecting and Dean is similar to here, slowing him down so it's not overwhelming, so look forward to it!!!!

Thunderstruck Cas has them struck by lightening while Dean sucks him off. HELL YEAH. Emanating from Castiel are intermittent bursts of white electric light, shocking across the black sky, sketching outlines of six invisible spread wings. That same light forms thin circular halos behind Cas’s head, some small, some so massive Dean can only see them in pieces. His eyes too - completely obscured by brilliant white light. He is radiant in all senses of the word. 

hehehehe. If your boyfriend can make it safe to be struck by lightening like you GOTTA do it just for the experience. I decided to have Dean not be like, blown away by it (but he is blown away by seeing a bit of trueform Cas) and instead find it just kind of weird but not bad to try and be true to life. sometimes you try something and don't love it or hate it and that's okay! Normal part of having sex. Sex is just another activity with lots of things you can do with it. That, and, it can't all be high points lol. That's why Cas is a little subdued when Dean says he only has 6 wings. peaks and valleys :)

The Feeling Is Enough Service top Dean :) "Cas - Cas, please...please can I come?" Cas doesn't say anything, just smiles up at him adoringly.

This one was bc @faithdeans lamented the lack of service top Dean destiel and I raced to his aid. Literally Dean would LOVE doing this.

Red Velvet Lines The Black Box Vampire!Dean sucking Cas's blood :) Cas is the only angel human enough to have workable blood.... And even if there were anyone else, Dean wouldn't want them. His is the only blood in Dean's veins.

This one was bc @domesticatedangel lamented the lack of vampire destiel smut and I raced to her aid. Castiel the rebel angel being horny over being given an order that he chooses to follow of his own volition? It's more likely than you think! The unmissable return of Castiel's pain kink lmao, even moreso in the second chapter. His penis! in peril!!!!!

The Girl Is Dead. Long Live The Woman. (Anna/Pamela*) Anna visits Pamela to find out what she wants and they have sex :) "I'm not used to - being part of things still. Being touchable. I didn't make the most of it, as a human. I didn't do enough. I was afraid. Embarrassed of my own feeling. I think I wasted my life."  "Be fair. You were a kid for most of it. You didn't know who you were." 

THIS one was because @honestlyhaunted lamented the lack of Pamela/Anna smut and I RACED to their aid. You may be noticing a theme. It's quite possible that if you sigh forlornly over a lack of erotica and I see it that something will be done about it. No promises though lol.

I tried to go for a more season 4 and 5 "everyone just fully states their unique moral philosophy out loud" vibe. And a "Pamela's disability actually affects her life in a practical way" vibe that the show itself elected to ignore. I DID get distracted a few times from my goal of "they have hot sex" because I got too invested in Anna's weird life. As I said in a comment response, Anna is the butterfly that wants to squash herself back into her cocoon. She went from being very emotionally present in her body as a human to having a very flat affect as an angel again (in part because she didn't feel the need to mask her autism anymore. Anna's autistic just like Cas and Hannah and people are not saying this!!!!). And, finally. I wanted a woman to have sex with a woman using a strap on because I hadn't done that yet LOL.

*If this ship was more prominent we could be calling it Pamelanna which is very fun to say.

The Dog, the Lamb and the Butcher Dean and Crowley are having sex during their summer of love and Cas is caught watching them >:3 Then again, fairness doesn't seem to be the watchword here. Dean's looking up at him with what could be adoration, but there's a wildness to him too, a sparkling mischief that undercuts any implied promise of loyalty.  "You like me, don't you Cas? You like me. Uhhn -" A groan born out of Crowley picking up the pace again, making Dean rock into the mattress, "You like me. You like me all the time, no matter what I do. You even like me now." 

Nobody asked for this I have no one to blame but myself. I love and adore the Dean who cannot speak his feelings no matter how much he wants to but there is always room in my heart for an overemotional Demon!Dean who says and does whatever he wants because he's lost the ability to care about the consequences. We could have had it alllllll.

Ask for it Cas caught casturbating by Dean. What happens next WON'T surprise you. His breathing is labored, and he's making quiet sounds of effort, which probably have something to do with the fact that his fingers are pushing in and out of the wet, open pussy between his legs. The pace doesn't slow at Dean's interruption, giving Dean ample time to absorb the image of Cas’s long fingers being swallowed to the last knuckle. 

I am asking here now. I am the one sighing forlornly. I don't CARE that there are already 232 accidental voyeurism destiel fics. MAKE MORE. SHOW ME MORE. SHOW ME MORE. I WANT TO READ MORE. MORE SHAMELESSLY SELF-PLEASURING CASTIEL AND/OR DEAN AND THEY DON'T HAVE A SOCIAL SCRIPT FOR THIS SITUATION SO THEY'RE JUST GOING ON INSTINCT AND THEIR INSTINCT IS TO BE CRAZY HORNY ABOUT IT. SHOW ME MORE!!!!!

Ahem. Or don't teehee. This was my most self indulgent smut (and that's really saying something!!!!). I highly recommend just fuckin going for it because it means I get to reread something all the time that is exactly suited to my tastes!! Hell yeah!!

Fluff :3 this is uwu-hat uwu've aww been uwu-ating fow :3

Pretty Wife Closeted to even himself genderqueer Dean inadvertently insists that he's Cas's wife. Neither of them are opposed! "I think I understand," Cas says, nodding to himself with his 'I got it' smile, "Yes. We are playing roles. I will 'take out the trash' while you 'sit there and look pretty'."

My kingdom for genderqueer dean. He's literally butch. Helloooo!!

Okay that's all for fluff. LOL. SORRY. I post most of my fluff directly to tumblr!!

Carefully Plotted!!! These are the big ones!!!!!!!! All three of these are "One of my best".

A Light Above Descending Cas gives Dean his Grace to calm his Mark of Cain rages. He assumes Dean doesn't remember what he tells him when he's being fed, so he allows himself to be kind. He assumes Dean would prefer that he quietly sacrifice his life for him. He assumes that he hasn't got any family left who love him. He's wrong. A rat gets what a rat gets, is the phrase that repeats in his head, although he can’t speak them over the pounding of his heart, a rat gets what a rat gets.

I have talked about this one at great length in my #cawis commentary tag so I will not reiterate here. Other than that I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so so so so proud of it and I love it so much.

The Voice In My Earpiece Thinks You're An Idiot (Jo/Bela) JoBela heist fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“If anyone touches you again, I will cut off their fingers.” The fierce darkness of the promise plunges into Bela’s stomach, like a punch. Nobody has ever made her a promise like that before. Not one she believed, anyway.  “Do you believe me?” “That would -” Bela clears her throat, finding her voice croaky - “That would blow our cover.” “I don’t care.”  She means it. Bela remembers what Jo said when they properly introduced themselves - “I make a promise, I keep it.”. Stupid, it is, to throw away their plans over a few moments of discomfort. Ridiculous. Childish. “Do you believe me?” Jo repeats, and Bela nods, jerky, unpracticed. “Yes.” She takes a breath, then says again, “Yes.”

They get the biggest quote because theyyy mean so much to meeeee. I'll probably do another cawis commentary on this at some point bc there are too many things I did on purpose to say them all here. For now: when the woman who's learned to never trust anyone comes to trust the woman who's never felt trusted. And they banter and have hot lesbian sex. ROMANCE.

In Case of Emergency S1 Faith!Dean gets a new roommate at the hospital who's weird and intense and unexplainable things happen to him at night. I wonder who it could beeeee surely no one who's significant to Dean!!! (It's S5 Cas when he did the angel banishing sigil on his own chest) One of the machines on the other side starts going crazy with noise just as the curtain is cast back in a dramatic swish. The shadow of a man looms, sinister and ominously silent. He's watching Dean, but Dean can't do the same, his face impossible to make out. A red light flashes off kilter to his head from his monitors, and Dean gets the absurd thought that it looks like a knocked off halo. 

You know it you love it it's In Case Of Emergency. I just think. They DON'T have a supernatural soulmate connection but they just get on as people. If they met at any time in each other's lives for the very first time (aside from Godstiel lol) they would end up getting along! They click! They LIKE each other!

I thought a lot about the Sam role in this fic. If you have 3 people and 2 of them want something (to hang out all the time) then the 3rd person SHOULD be getting in the way of that (closing the curtain) for a believable reason (Dean needs to rest and stop tiring himself out with this random stranger!!!). Sam comparing Dean's imminent demise to Mary's death and Dean eventually asking what he'd want Mary to say to him (with the subtext; what can I say to make it better that I'm dying) made me cry as I wrote it and every time I reread it. It's making me cry NOW lol. augh fuck im rereading i'm crying. turns out. when you write exactly what touches you emotionally. you feel touched. emotionally. to read it.

Also this fic now makes me think of darling @forestofsprites bc they've left such wonderfully kind tags every time they've reblogged it :') ily

Misc I dunno. These don't fit in the other categories lol.

6th Life's The Charm! Sarah Blake/Bela Meow!!!!! Sarah gets a mysterious commission to find a painting, and a strangely perceptive cat follows her home the same day. But those can't possibly be connected I'm sure. Smiling with her eyes closed, Sarah puts a hand on B's back and touches. Skin.  She startles awake and jerks her hand away. By the embers of the fire, she can see the woman lying on top of her....The woman is watching her, smiling, and her pupils are strange. They creep a little too far into her irises. She's also the most beautiful woman Sarah has ever seen. Stunning, in both senses of the word.  "No questions?" The woman asks eventually, as Sarah's silent stare ticks on. Her tone is a) British and b) faintly mocking, like she knows something Sarah doesn't. 

Little turned into a kitty cat romcom!! I do fun little asides in footnote format! Middle aged yaoi ummmm but what about middle aged YURI??? Sarah references Sex in the City and is having a midlife crisis what more do you want from me!!! I did want to have a little moment of Sarah saying "sorry about the collar attempt" and Bela flirtily going "hmm, I think it'd look better on you" and Sarah spontaneously combusting but it didn't quite flow. Maybe in the horny sequel I kinda want to write...

MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, Sun In My Face Cas realises he's in love with Dean. The natural thing to do is to tell him right away. "Don't," Dean pleads, and it's not clear whether he means don't love me or don't tell me. Either way, Cas is going to let him down.  "I love you," Cas repeats, firmly, "I have loved you. I will love you. That's all."

Too angsty for the fluff section, too sweet for the tragedies. What are you. As may be clear from previous works, in MY world, Dean and Cas platonically sleep together every night and snuggle the whole time :3 even if it's a world where they're aromantic I firmly believe this would be the case. When I say platonic I am not saying it with a wink and a nudge, as a few scattered comments seem to suggest they think. But also in this one they are also romantically in love haha.

How Do You Go From Wanting To Having? When Cas stumbles back to life after escaping from the Empty, Dean can't speak the words in his heart. But he can write them. You can have it, and variations thereupon: You can have it, damn it; could have fucking taken me, asshole; what do you think is supposed to make me happy now, you arrogant, stupid son of a bitch?

I don't know if I made the most of this premise lol but I had fun building the evidence of grief into the Bunker. They pushed a heavy object in front of the door to the dungeon so they didn't have to see it, Dean filled his room with lights so he didn't have to be in the dark (a general post-canon headcanon of mine that both Dean and Cas have lamps on all night), Dean's stiff position during his nightmare. Little clues that Cas does NOT pick up on bless his heart.

This Is A Love That Lasts Forever It's about Claire giving Cas a haircut. It's about grief. It's about love. Cas remembers - though he shouldn't, ethically - sending Claire for a time out for saying the word 'damn' when she was 6, though she surely couldn't have known what it meant. Swinging her hand on the way to church on Sundays. Clapping for her awkward turn at playing Mary in the Christmas Nativity. Loving Claire had only deepened Jimmy's love of God, and this was the love that Castiel had taken advantage of. He doesn't deserve even a moment of Claire’s forgiveness. 

Last one! I uploaded this on the 29th of December but it ISSSSSS absolutely 1000% one of my best. Cas and Claire's relationship in canon is so WEIRD. One doesn't typically accept grumpy cats from the guy wearing your dad's corpse as a skin suit??? Even if he's kind of nice to you?? So this is my way of figuring out how to make it make sense. She can't ditch Cas because that's where all her dad's love is stored and nobody else in her life knows her dad anymore. And they both have to try and make that work.

I had a different ending in mind for a little while - Claire completing the haircut and then going oh my god. now you don't look like my dad anymore. what have I done now I won't remember him I'm so stupid!!! put it back how it was!! and Cas is like um I can't do that though I'm low on Grace and Claire cries herself out about it and they talk about having to get used to new, unfamiliar circumstances. But I like what I went with more (obviously. because I wrote it lol).

Little headcanons that I carried across from other works: - Claire will allow Donna to be as cutesy and affectionate as she likes and Donna calls her "Claire-bear" and nobody can figure out why it's a shy little happy smile when Donna pats her cheek and beams at her and she would kill anyone else who tried it with her laser eyes. I do though, I know why. It's bc of Donna's easy open affection that genuinely isn't trying to hide anything. Claire knows Donna isn't faking it because Donna is kind to everything and everyone. She would have a harder time with Garth though even though Donna and Garth are very similar in this regard, just because. Well. The girl has been traumatized and betrayed by so many "nice" men. God how did I get onto this. Donna is the mom/aunty figure Claire has needed for a long time. I talk about this in Growing A New Half Soul - Angel's were never children I talk about in A Light Above Descending.

THE END.

If you've read this. Are you sure you didn't have anything better to do with your time avhsbv but thank you!!! Go follow all the friends I've @'d because then they might do follower events and I might write more things as a result!!!! Also go and write some dean walking in on cas masturbating fic and then send it to me.

My challenge for you is to think about women falling in love with other women. Wow, beautiful, right? And also to think of ONE thing you did that you are proud of this year. Even and in fact especially if it's something you're not "supposed" to be proud of. Did you find something new you liked. Were you kind to someone. Were you kind to yourself when you didn't have to be. All these and more are things to take pride in.

I, for one, am proud of having written 111,227 words of complete short fiction!!!!! So much so that I wrote another 4936 words talking about them here :)

[rayassecretlife]

Would you be open to making a fic where both Neteyam and Lo’ak are in love with the reader? They’re always competing with eachother, trying to outdo the other. Then they decide to instead of fighting anymore, they will share you.

I literally cannot decide between them😭 I need some smutty smut with both of them be

Oh my gosh yes please. I’ve been waiting on a new request and this one made me smile 🤭. Enjoy this!!

I’ll show you a mighty warrior

Pairing: Aged up!Neteyam Sully x Fem!omaticaya reader x Aged up!Lo’ak Sully (SMUT (MINORS DNI)

Warning(s): SMUT(MINORS DNI), Choking, mature language, unprotected p in v, breeding kink, praise kink, honestly just pure filth i suck at warnings so read at your own risk🫠

“Oh come on, pretty girl. We’ve got so much time to kill” Neteyam pleads, pulling you by your arm into his room. You look around a little frantic, praying his younger brother wasn’t anywhere close—or any of his siblings really. Neteyam was more needy then usual with touching you due to it being valentines Day. Your clan didn’t usually celebrate but some mates did—although Neteyam wasn’t your mate.

“Nete, I have work” You explain, following where his hands guided you to sit on his lap. “And what if Lo’ak-“

“Screw Lo’ak. My Skxawng of a brother doesn’t deserve you anyway” You sigh, head slightly falling back as he placed wet kisses along your neck. His hands were gripping your waist and you could feel his length growing underneath you already, a soft moan leaving your mouth. “I thought we’ve agreed that your mine”

It hurt to hear those words come from his mouth, making you feel horrible for your feelings toward him and his brother. You wanted to agree but you couldn’t. You were his, but you were also Lo’ak’s.

Neteyam was the first boy you’d ever slept with but you refused to make the bond. You knew you loved his brother, but you couldn’t help but love him too. You hadn’t even slept with Lo’ak but you already knew you couldn’t give yourself to the oldest sully brother. It would’ve been so wrong.

“Neteyam! Have you seen Y/N? She’s late for work!” Kiri yells from outside the cave and you almost instantly jolt up from his grasp, afraid she was going to walk in. Neteyam quickly yells back, lying his ass off in fear she’d wonder why you came from his room if he told her the truth. “Where do you think she could be!”

“Check the lake!” She doesn’t respond and you finally hear some silence, sighing in relief once she had been gone. You turned to say something to him but your voice was cut from his lips attached directly to your own, hands cupping your small face in his palms. Sometimes you wore he wanted his scent to stay on you, like a sign to let other guys know you were his. It was cute, Neteyam was far too in love with you to let you go.

You pull his lip gently as you pull away, letting it go when you were a few inches away from his face. He looked at you with pure love in his eyes, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “I’ll see you tonight” His lip is stuck between his teeth as you turn on your heels, grabbing your stuff before you left his room.

• • •

“Put some of this on it tonight and it should feel better tomorrow” you hand the hunter yalnabark, standing to your feet with him so you could dispose of the dirty rags used to clean his wound. You loved your job, but sometimes it was a lot. Especially when hunting parties came in.

The sound of the tents cover moving made your ears perk and you sighed, waving the soldier. “I’ll be with you in just a second” You continue on with cleaning the dirty utensils, placing the rags on the loom—weaved line to dry. A set of hands grasped your hips and you gasped, jumping to push the soldier back from you.

“Lo’ak? Jesus! I could’ve killed you!” His pearly white teeth show as he laughs, walking towards you with a smile. You noticed what was in his hand and it almost made you fall weak at your knees it was so cute. “Are those…”

“Your favorite fruit” You smile as he hands the basket to you, heat rising in your cheeks even when you weren’t looking at him. “It was kind of hard to find… that’s why I’m giving it to you so late-“

“Thank you, Lo. I was just about to eat lunch, too” You both share a laugh and you lower the basket onto the floor, pulling the boy into a hug. Lo’ak was the brother you were less intimate with. He only ever kissed you a few times but Neteyam couldn’t keep his hands off you half the time. They were polar opposites.

That’s what you loved about Lo’ak, and that’s also what you loved about Neteyam.

Neteyam showed his love to you in the most sensual ways, his love language was so clearly touch. You’d always find yourself laying with Neteyam at night to go to sleep because he was so overprotective over you—always needing to touch you whenever you were together. His brother was the nervous one, loving you with small romantic gestures like bringing you lunch or gifts while you worked. His love language was definitely acts of service and words of affirmation, seeing as everytime you’d tell him how much you appreciated him, he’d fall at your feet.

You liked it though. You got the best of both worlds.

Just as you were about to kiss him, that familiar deep voice interrupted, the two of you pulling away quickly. “Am I interrupting?” Your heart is beating outside your chest as you watch the two brothers exchange a scolding look. This wasn’t anything knew. The sully brothers had always fought over you—but something about today felt different.

“You are” Lo’ak responds and you rub your face, going back to your work tasks to let them deal with this on their own. It wasn’t you fault, really. You just couldn’t choose between them. “Flowers? Ridiculous”

“Y/N” you hum as the oldest brother approaches you, pushing his brother out of the way. You turn at the smell, eyes catching the glowing purple flowers in his hands. “These are for you” Jesus, what were you gonna do with them? Their so lost when it comes to you.

“Aw, Nete” you smile, taking them from his hands with ease. You try to look at Lo’ak but you can’t. You can’t pretend your tongue wasn’t down his brothers throat just hours ago. “I love them. Thank you” The two glared at each other, ears falling at the sound of your voice. “Guys, not here”

“It’s Valentine’s Day. I had to come surprise you” Neteyam grabs your hand but your eyes catch Lo’ak’s before he starts to speak, pulling your hand to put up to him.

“Not. Here” you repeat and they both groan, Neteyam stepping back from you.

“It’s fine. My Skxawng of a brother doesn’t have to see what we do in private” He teases and you sigh, pushing him away with ease.

“I am working now, you two need to go if your not hurt” Neteyam rolls his eyes and Lo’ak nods, watching his grandmother walk into the now crowded tent.

“You boys bothering her again? Go! Don’t you have work to do?” You smirk and watch Neteyam glare at you, giving you that look you knew all too well that meant he would find you later, which he very much would.

That was hours ago. Your day was now finally over and you could go home to your cave and sleep. Your parents were out on a hunting party so you were a little upset, but kind of loved that you had some peace and quiet for once. Especially in the forest.

You enter the cave with a sigh, throwing your gear onto the ground before you could even walk to your hammock. You were so tired, feet hurting from walking around all day.

But as soon as you entered, that same familiar face appeared in front of you. His smile only grew as you walked closer, admiring the many aspects of your now decorated room. It was so beautiful, flowers scattered on the ground and small lights giving the room a night light effect. “Teyam…” You pout, letting him take your hands in his own, placing kisses against your knuckles. “I just… Eywa, this is so beautiful”

“You like it?” You nod, looking up to his amber eyes that had been burning with passion. He could’ve ruined you right then and there if he wanted. Instead of pulling him into a hug, you pull his face down to share a passionate kiss. Your hands settling in his long braids. Neteyam was taller then you and your toes had to stand tall just to reach his lips, but every kiss was so worth it. His hands gripped your hips, pulling you closer then you had been before.

“Needy today, aren’t we?” You smirk against his lips, kisses becoming more hungry by the second. His hands cupped your face, one wrapping around your throat to gently pull you into him. His hands gripped your hips harder, pulling you back—Wait. What?

You eyes quickly opened and you turned around, eyes widening at the sight in front of you. The two boys look as though their getting along, both walking toward you until your back hit the caves wall. “What’s wrong, Syulang? It’s just us”

“You aren’t fighting… he just saw us—he was behind me—I… I’m so confused” The oldest boy shushes you, one hand cupping your small face while the other boy grabbed your hand, thumb caressing your palm. “Nete—Lo, what is going on?”

“You trust us, right?” You look between the two, forehead still creased with confusion. What was there to trust? Of course you did, but why did you need to now?

“Of course I do but-“ Your voice is cut off once again by the eldest boy’s lips attaching to your own. Jesus, he loved doing that, didn’t he? His hands pulled you close to him and you didn’t even think to protest, feeling Lo’ak’s hands on your back. You were so lost, still trying to figure out what had been going on.

“You think it’s fun to play with our emotions?” Lo’ak’s voice is hot against your ear as he pressed himself against your ass, hand pushing your hair away from your neck. You tried your hardest to respond, but Neteyam’s tongue hadn’t even been close to done against yours. “Wake up with him then come to me, right? That’s what it is? That’s what I mean to you?”

You whine against Neteyam’s soft lips, hands trying to reach Lo’ak’s. You felt so bad, so terrible for making him feel that way. Was neteyam having doubts too?

“That’s okay. Tonight, we end this stupid charade and see who can really have you” His lips attach to the exposed skin on your neck with ease, fingers roaming up to remove your chest piece. You could feel the slick of your heat fill your cunt, slowly seeping down your skin. You knew what they were doing now, and it made it all so much more obvious.

“Should I be nice and let him have you first? Or maybe we need to teach him how to please you” Neteyam’s breath is hot against your own, and you can feel Lo’ak’s length pressing hard against your thigh. It was surreal—you really had both the Sully brothers at your feet. You were nervous for Lo’ak, seeing as he never did this with you but was sure he could beat Neteyam like always.

“Don’t make me laugh, bro” Lo’ak glares at him and the oldest boy chuckles, pushing a piece of hair back behind your ear. He looked at you with sinister eyes, like he had something so bad planned.

“You know what to do, don’t you?” You looked at him, trying your hardest to believe this as real—but it felt so fake. Were you dreaming? Because this was very much a dream you had a lot. The taller boy holds your head in his hand, gently urging you to the tab behind you and you obviously obeyed.

You sat on the table in front of the two boys, stomach growing nervous at the sight in front of you. Lo’ak’s hand caressed your hair, moving to sit behind you on the wooden table, reassuring voice in your ear.

“Don’t be nervous. It’s just us” Yeah, just Lo’ak and Neteyam… the two men who had your heart on the tightest hold. You follow the older boys motions as he pushes down on your chest, back lowering to lay in between his brothers legs. “Is this okay?” You nod hesitantly, watching as Neteyam untied your loincloth, tossing it to the floor without a care in the world.

Your chest was rising so heavily and Lo’ak could see it, whispering sweet nothings into your ears to calm you down. You weren’t anxious, it just felt like a dream, or a rush. Neteyam places a few kisses up your thigh, your breathing growing shakier as he got closer to your heat.

“He’s gonna fall so deep in love with you when he hears your pretty moans” Neteyam mumbles against your thigh and you can feel the voice inside you start to fill your body, walls clenching around nothing just to gain some sort of friction. “Gonna show him how you like it. Does that sound good, Pretty girl?” You nod and he tsked, teeth gently sinking into your thigh. “Words”

“Y-yes, sounds good” Lo’ak’s ears perk at your small noises, might’ve even been his new favorite music. Neteyam didn’t waste any time on leaning into you, taking your clit between his lips while holding your legs still. Lo’ak watched you in awe, the way your face twisted making him harder by the second. You looked so beautiful like that.

You felt his cock press against your back, eyes opening to look at him. You pulled his face down, connecting your lips with a sloppy but passionate kiss—wishing you could touch him where he needed. He was the cutest thing above you, just itching to get ahold of you like his brother. He was so jealous.

“Mmph… Eywa, Nete” you moan against his brothers lips, a small gasp leaving your mouth once you felt his fingers slip into you.

“Hope your watching, Baby bro. I’m practically giving you a cheat sheet” Neteyam states cockily and you shush Lo’ak before he can retaliate, hand reaching up to pull the band from his hair.

“I’m sure you’ll be just as good, Pretty boy” His pupils grow at your words and his tail was now swaying, cock pressing painfully harder now more then ever against you. Told you, words of affirmation.

Your legs open wider on their own, heels of your feet sitting on Neteyam’s shoulders. You were on cloud nine. Making out with one of the sully boys while the other ate you like you were his last meal. Eywa, it felt so good. His fingers curled inside you with a pace, tongue circling your clit over and over until your abdomen was pushing up off the table, muffled noises growing louder against Lo’ak’s lips.

“You look so pretty like this” Lo’ak remarks, holding your heavy head in his hands as you let out those beautiful sounds, hand reaching down to tug on the older brothers hair. “Feels good, huh? Can’t wait for my turn”

“Nete…great mother—“ you let out a breathless moan, grip tightening around his hair.

“Come for me, Sweet girl. We’ve got you” Neteyam coached, Lo’ak’s hands now reaching down to cup your breast in his hands. He loved watching you fall apart—even if it was for his brother. You came undone with a long and loud moan, hips digging into the wood under you as your back pushed off Lo’ak. Neteyam knew you like the back of his hand, he knew your body so well it was almost impossible to hold out for him.

“Did so good, baby. I think it’s my turn” You whine, legs closing once Neteyam stood back up. His tongue ran along his lips as him and Lo’ak switched places, now having Neteyam sit behind you with his fingers still dripping wet from your core.

“Nete… I wanna please you” He shushes you and you gasped feeling yourself getting tugged forward, Lo’ak’s hands spreading your legs apart once again. “W-wait! Too sensitive I—“

“We’re gonna take care of you, remember?” Neteyam lifts your chin, a small smirk plastered across his lips. He knew exactly what he was doing. “This isn’t about us, it’s about you, Ma’Tìyawn” The sensation between your legs caught you by surprise at how fast it had been, nails digging into Neteyam’s wrists. “Don’t rush it. Make her feel good” Neteyam instructed and you swore you could’ve moaned just at that. He was so particular when it came to you, making sure everything was perfect.

“I-it feels good, just didn’t expect it” You reassure the boy, one hand getting lost in his hair and the other pulling Neteyam’s face to feet your own. You roughly connected your lips, knowing now that it was neteyam, you could be as aggressive as you wanted. He always matched your speed, or even sometimes faster.

Of course the loud muffled cries where noticeable against his lips, thanking Eywa you had him against you to shut you up. You were so sensitive, you didn’t have time to think before your hips were still bucking off the table.

Lo’ak was fast, trying to draw you to your end faster then Neteyam. You knew he was trying to prove a point, but it didn’t matter because you still loved the way it felt—the way both of them felt.

“Moans are so pretty, baby. Hope he’s making you feel good” Neteyam’s thumb caresses your cheek and you nod desperately, a cry escaping your lips. “Maybe he should get you first, so I can finish you off” God, Neteyam and his boyfriend attitude. He kisses your knuckles, allowing you to pull on his skin to sooth your moans. He loved when you marked him up, showing everyone he was yours.

“L-Lo! Oh Eywa… I can’t!” Neteyam presses another kiss to your lips and Lo’ak doesn’t slow down, only going faster against you like you weren’t going crazy above him. You were losing yourself, holding onto Neteyam for comfort.

Your high came down the hardest you’d ever experienced before, legs shaking rapidly against Lo’ak’s hands as you hid your face into Neteyam’s neck. The two boys watched you in awe, Neteyam almost a little jealous at the sight in front of him.

“Holy shit” Lo’ak mumbled and you look to him, eyes widening at the shining gloss over his abdomen and thighs, your release dripping all the way down to his loincloth. “Did you just-“

“My turn” Yup. Neteyam was officially jealous. It wasn’t like he hadn’t made you squirt before, but the fact his baby brother got it on the first try, he knew he had to do something better.

He removes himself from the table and lifts you in his arms, laying himself down onto the large loom made bed you had specially built only months ago. Your legs were barely working at that point, cries leaving your poor mouth as he pulled you onto the sheet.

“You want me to take over or do you want to? It’s your day, I want you to feel good” He reassures you and you sigh, looking down at his now fully exposed cock that stood against his abdomen. You lay next to him and he’s already on his way behind you, pulling your back against his chest as Lo’ak settling in on the other side of you.

You reach down between you and Lo’ak, taking his painfully hard cock in your hand. It wasn’t as thick as Neteyam’s, but it was about the same size. You really were getting the best of both worlds, huh? His eyes almost instantly roll back the same time as yours do, Neteyam’s hand keeping you in place as he slipped into you with ease.

“Look at me, Lo” you practically beg the boy in front of you, his eyes opening but his lips now stuck between his teeth—stopping his whimpers from escaping. Aw, he’s so easy to get to.

Neteyam's hands moved your hips against his, lips attaching to your neck while your sweet voices he loved so much escaped, face falling against Lo'ak's. You stared down at his length, biting your lip at the sight.

His cock had already been leaking pre, and you knew he wouldn't last long if you kept going, only letting your hand stroke him slow.

"Always so tight around me—could stay here forever" the eldest boy breathes in your ear, his pace slowly starting to increase once you got used to him. Lo'ak was jealous, but he couldn't think of anything else beside the fact your hand was palming him, soft voice whispering sweet nothings into his ear. You didn't want him to feel left out, you needed him to feel good too.

"Aw, baby. Don't hide those from me" your thumb brushes against his bottom lip, pulling it from his teeth so his moans would surface. You loved when Neteyam was vocal, so you could only imagine the things it would do to you if you had both of them like that. "Good boy"

He lets out a whimper against your neck and your ears peek at the sound, tail wrapping around Neteyam's waist to pull him closer to your body. He was hitting you so deep, so hard you could barely think straight. He definitely had something to prove, ruining you before Lo'ak could even enjoy you.

"Oh, Teyam..." He leans his face down to your own, capturing your lips in a sloppy kiss. Lo'ak's face was still buried into your neck, not even caring that his brother was fucking you right in front of him. He just needed your touch. "That's it—right there!" He lifts your leg more, following your instructions and only hitting deeper then before. Your eyes were rolling back and you could feel your cunt squeezing him the tightest it could, soft moans falling from his lips.

Every gasp, every moan, every breath against his ear but like heaven to him—praising you with a deep, loving stroke after every single one. You moved your hips against his, feeling your breaking point approaching already. He was way too good at this, way too good at knowing your body.

"Gonna come? Already? Let's see if he can beat that" You whine at his words, still competing with his brother even after agreeing to let it go. You wished you could complain, but if this is what it takes for you to get fucked like this, you'd learn to deal with it. "Come on, Pretty girl. Come for me. Show him who had you first"

His words make you moan loudly, a gasp leaving your lips as you felt the pressure on your swollen clit, noticing Lo'ak's hand had been exploring your body with ease. "Oh my���fuck...!" His thumb circles your clit more and you can feel your high coming fast, begging Neteyam for more. He was trying so hard to keep his composure, making sure you had been pleased enough before he could release. He was so fucking close.

"Such a good girl for us. Wanna breed this pussy, make you walk out with my seed stuck deep inside you" You cry at his words and nod your head, the sound of your skin slapping against eachother being the only thing the three of your could hear. "Gonna give it all to you. Great mother—your mine, Y/N"

"Come on, Baby. Come so I can feel you" Lo'ak cups your face and you cry with one last thrust to his hips, his hands pulling you as close as you could possibly get against his lap.

"Nete...!" You both let out the filthiest moan, cunt clenching down on his throbbing cock inside you, the hot white spurts of his release painting your walls full. He mumbled things into your ear but you were too stuck on your orgasm to even respond, just falling against Lo'ak's chest with your chest heaving tirelessly. Neteyam pushed your hair away from your neck, placing a few small kisses to your skin.

"One more and then your done, okay?" You whimper, feeling his limp cock slowly slip out of you. His eyes were set on the mess he had made inside you, watching in awe as you laid with his brother, completely fucked out. "Your gonna ride him. Show him how this works, yeah?"

"Nete... I can't-"

"You can" He helps you stand onto your knees, Lo'ak's body moving to sit up in front of you. "I'm gonna help you, okay? Gonna make sure he takes real good care of you" Lo'ak pulls you into a kiss as you position yourself above him, Neteyam's hands helping guide you so you didn't give out.

"Don't—Mmph!" The brother moans against your lips as he finally seeps into you, Neteyam's mess already lubricating your cunt. "Y/N... great mother—so tight" He was a mess under you, wondering how you could've still been this tight even after his brother had you. It felt so fucking good.

"Just relax. I'll take care of you, I'll show you" You reassure him, hips moving against his at a slow pace. His hands pulled at your hips, nails digging into your skin with every breath that left his mouth. Neteyam watched you in awe, always loving how you looked when you were in control.

It wasn’t long before Lo'ak began to rut his hips under you, a gasp leaving your lips as you lean against him, using his shoulders to balance yourself. You matched his pace, noticing that he was now trying his hardest to hold back his release. You didn’t want him to—if anything, you were getting closer just looking at him.

“Feels good, huh? You gonna come again, pretty girl?” You shake your head at Neteyam’s question, but he didn’t take that answer. Lo’ak gripped your throat with one pull, crashing his lips against yours with another snap of his hips. “Give us one more, Baby. Just one more and you’ll be done” The boy caresses your hair and you could feel your tears slipping down your cheeks, the pleasure truly being too much now.

“Lo… Oh god I—it’s too much!” You beg against his lips but they both knew you too well, knowing you truthfully loved every minute of this, wishing he’d never stop even if it was too much.

“Can’t hold myself much longer, Y/N. Come for me” Gosh, how wet it made you hearing that from Lo’ak. His cock kissed your cervix over and over, grip so tight on your waste you were sure there was gonna be bruises tomorrow. This was such knee territory for the two of you. “Can feel you—shit! Come on, I know your close”

You leaned back, hands holding yourself up on his knees as you tried your hardest not to scream, Neteyam almost instantly standing behind you so you didn’t give up.

“Kiss me… god—I’m gonna come!” Lo’ak’s arm snaked around your waist and he leaned forward against you, crashing his lips into yours once again with a muffled moan. Your high was just at its peak, threatening to burst at any moment. Lo’ak knew, he knew and he was right behind you.

With one final thrust into you, Lo’ak held your hips down despite your shaking legs, both of you letting out a loud moan into each others mouth. Your releases mixed together, and his repainted your still fully white walls again, breath fanning against your ear with a sigh.

You couldn’t move or even speak, only sitting there for a minute and letting the two brother converse without you. They had officially fucked you out. You let out a cry as Neteyam lifted you from his brother, helping you lay onto the bed comfortably without touching any area that might’ve hurt. You already had many bruises forming against your skin, and if even one slight touch was to come to your heat, you’d cry.

“D-don’t… don’t touch” The boys chuckle as they laid next to you, Incasing you between their two warm bodies. Neteyam had himself propped up on his elbow, fingers pushing your hair out of your sweating face while Lo’ak’s head laid in your neck, placing small kisses along your shoulder.

“How’s that for a Valentine’s Day surprise?” He kisses your head and you open your eyes to look at them, half lidded against your face. You took one of his braids in between your finger, twirling it around with a smile. “Gotta say, I thought you’d at least stay awake longer then her” he says to his brother but Lo’ak doesn’t even bother, placing his middle finger in the air in front of him.

“Stop it. Your gonna give me a headache” you flick his head and he only chuckles, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. “I feel so…gross” You make him laugh once again, looking between the three of you. You couldn’t believe what had just happened, and the fact you had both of the sully boys release inside you, made it so much more forbidden.

“I guess we’ll have to see who’s kids are faster, huh?” Your eyes widen at the younger boys question, pushing his head away from you while the two begin to laugh together.

“Stop it! That is not funny!”

“It’s definitely mine. I’m a fast swimmer so-“

“Neteyam!” He puts his hands up in defense, Funally laying down next to you. Lo’ak had his head back on you, now just trying to drift off to sleep. “You two are ridiculous” He only hums, leaning down to press kisses up your jaw, teeth gently pulling at your ear lobe before whispering.

“So, who was better?”

Ummmmmm I hope y’all enjoyed this because my phone is glitching like crazy now 🙏🏼🙏🏼. New content coming soon! 💙

[rosewoodconch]

RWCH Readathon 2024: Day 12

Undercover Princess - Chapter 34/35

Okay so disclaimer: I might be a lil off in the next few chapters because the way jamie acts when he's had the 'lemonade' is a lil scarily similar to something traumatic that happened to me and long story shprt i might be brushing over parts of it.

But anyway! CHAPTER 34

New years eve!!!

I WANT A CAPE

Raphael is an icon and i love him but jesus christ hes stupid holy shit

sneaking up on amknown partizan? my dude youre smarter than that

and yes... the pool that is off limits

really though where are the teachers

surely theres so much security that theres no way that would happen

Why are conchs always the bad influences connie thats unfair

I really hate ellie in this scene. because yes on one hand, she wants to go have fun and be rebellious. but on the other hand shes not giving lottie and jamie a choice.

Jamie has to protect ellie above all else, but he cant leave lottie or that look suspicious, so they both have to follow ellie. shes being so selfish in this scene i cant stand it.

CHAPTER 35

'Anastacia's lemonade'

I wanna know if it was her or saskia, surely ani wouldnt have gone so far as to actually drug the princess right?

I'm pretty sure we find out that was saskia? can someone with a better sleep schedule lmk?

I dont like that its warm i dont trust that.

I like that this scene lets jamie open up a little bit

hes more confident and jokey and sarcastic

"£20 says i push one of them" is iconic and i wont be hearing anything against him

I cannot believe I hadn't picked up on it before but @/pumpkin.pie.of.rosewood on instagram pointed out that it refers to jamie as a deer. A DEER

i hate connie

the foreshadowing never ends

but really, his response of blatant denial because he believes he has no control and nothing will change is one of the simplest and most devastating lines in a lot of this series.

Hes so not like other boys (insert the hair flcik emoji i cant cause im on desktop rip)

'When you live your life for someone else, you find strength you didn't know you were capable of.' is such an eloquent way to say so many things. He's talking about himself obviously, but s=hes also talking about lottie, and how shes going to need to become stronger than ever, not just to protect ellie, but t protect herself and preserve who she is underneath it all.

'This is our choice Lottie' I DREW MY FIRST EVER FANART TO THIS QUOTE I'LL FIND IT TOMORROW SOMEONE REMIDN ME PLEASE

Jamie is really genuinely switching from charming to predatory and scary in such a subtle way, his mannerisms becoming more impulsive and his words becoming sharper.

but even in this horrible state, his words ring truer than ever. 'I think you shouldnt have to be capable' 'Youre just a kid Lottie' etc

Then lottie pointing out to him that something is wrong, her desparate plea to him to stop and to find help kicks him back into his mind for only a moment. he realises whats about to happen and then...

And thats all for tonight because its almost 1am and im caught up more than i expected! see yall tomorrow for another 6 chapters to be finally caught back up again!!!!

I'll jump right back into it tomorrow when i wake up (or at least i'll try if my adhd meds kick in early enough