#please ignore the hand holding the die. please i've never draw something like that before and I am too tired to deal with it lol

[red-winter-is-coming]

New Sparrow art!!!!

My silly. Beloved. Holy fuck I'm older then him now.

Anyways, Silly little details that are important to me:

The feathers are from his most common nicknames!! (Darling Crow, Raven, Bluejay, The Shrike/Butcherbird, Magpie, Sparrow)

Nat 20 bc he's lucky. also because he's heavily Victory coded.

Ace of hearts w/ knife - 'Ace' is his pet name for his boyfriend and he did accidentally kill someone via stabbing them in the eye for Racer

The coins numbered 7 are sliver, while the ones numbered 13 are gold, therefore the traditionally 'lucky' number is on the less valuable one and the traditional 'unlucky' number is on the more valuable one!

Dice colors - If the D20 was real it'd actually be clear with gold flakes and numbers, but I was limited by my art style ;-;

@thenopequeen hey I know it's been forever but may I offer the silly as tribute :] /silly

[wisewidow]

Hello, Your Parents Want Me To Have Your Babies

PAIRING: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

SUMMARY: Melina, my workplace’s neighbour, wants to set me up with her daughter.

I'd only ever hear about Natasha every couple of weeks, when her adoptive father, the mechanic that owned the garage workshop beside my father's cafe slash bar, met up with my uncle for beers one day last year. Ever since then, our families have been loosely intertwined, friendly but not too close. Alexei fixed my mom's wrecked car for a cheap price, in return I let his youngest daughter Yelena have free coffees whenever she pops over.

From what my father told me, Alexei's entire family, including his wife, were all involved in the family business of repairing cars, except for his eldest daughter: Natasha, who turned out to be an FBI agent living in Quantico. Dad says they're proud of her but they miss her.

"(Y/N)," my brother calls from the kitchen. I put down my phone and find him balancing three plates of sandwiches and a salad in his spindly arms.

He opens his mouth to explain the orders, but I cut him off.

"Alexei," I say, pointing to the bacon and egg sandwich. "A salad for Melina. The tuna and tomato roll is Yelena's. Did they want drinks?"

Peter nods. "Four coffees and a large bottle of water, they already have them."

I ruffle his hair to thank him and grab the plates, balancing the third on my forearm until I can place it on a tray. I carry it outside, years of waitressing practice keeping it balanced, and head towards the garage.

"Melina?" I call. Moments later the raven haired woman slips out of the office and smiles. She yells something in Russian that causes Yelena to slide out from under a silver BMW, covered in black grease. Alexei appears moments later wielding a spanner.

They hound me for their orders, gratefully patting my shoulder and carrying their food away to their separate stations. Yelena disappears into the shadows with her sandwich, and her father to his desk, but Melina simply brightens and says, "(Y/N), have you heard? Natalia is visiting."

"Yes!" Alexei yells around a mouthful of bread. "Family, reunion! Grandbabies!"

Melina hisses something in their mother tongue. I laugh, and then ask if Natasha was bringing her kids, though I wasn't aware she had any.

"He means nothing of it, Natalia is focused on work at the moment. Too focused, I think. No babies. No partner."

"Tell her about her penthouse!" Alexei encourages.

Melina flaps a hand at him in irritation. "Yes, well, she has broken up with Bruce, the shy scientist from work. And then Sharon, charming field operative, also from work. And now she refuses to date. Because of work."

I chuckle nervously. "Where are you going with this?"

Melina smiles innocently. "Nowhere. What happened to your last girlfriend, again? Your father mentioned something about . . ."  The look in her eyes is enough to egg me on, though the subject is one I rarely speak of these days.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I say, "Carol left to travel Europe."

"Shame," she nods sympathetically. "You don't seem bothered. Are you not looking for a relationship?"

"Not actively, but I'm sure another troublemaker will find me. I don't have a good track record of steady relationships," I admit.

"Neither does Natalia!" Alexei shouts.

"Oh!" I say. "Does she want Carol's number? Or my friend Harley, she's not looking for commitment."

Yelena snickers. Alexei frowns. Melina chuckles. "No, no, Natalia needs someone she doesn't work with, and you need someone serious, and we need grandbabies before we die, since Yelena neglects it."

I flush a bright red. "Grandb— I'm— okay, first of all, neither of us have the equipment for that—"

"Neither did Dad," Yelena pipes up, referring to the fact that she and her sister were adopted.

"Hey!"

"(Y/N)!" Peter calls, rounding the corner. "Ned's coming over to pick me up, we need to finish our physics project. Uncle Ben should be here soon, can you manage the bar until he gets here?"

I jump onto the excuse and yell back affirmation, say a quick goodbye to Melina before speed-walking back to the cafe.

Peter leaves with Ned soon after, and Ben arrives at around the same time. I move to the kitchens while he takes over serving our regulars, as he's friendlier with them than me.

I work on making more sandwiches and tapas meals until four, when my shift ends. I kiss Uncle Ben on the cheek and head home.

The smell of paprikash greets me as I unlock the door to my apartment, which I guess means that my roommate is home. I call out a hello to her and head to the shower.

I groan happily as the hot water rains down on my front. I close my eyes and lean my head back, thinking over how strange the day had been, and lose myself in a trance of relaxation.

"(Y/N/N)!" Wanda barges in. I jump and almost slip grabbing the shower curtain to cover my body as I peek out at her.

"I'm naked," I hiss.

She ignores me and holds up two clothes hangers. "Pantsuit or dress?"

I push my wet hair out of my face. "Uh, are you bar-hopping with Vision or going to a family dinner?"

"Get together with some friends," she explains. "Vis, Sam, Steve and some guy named Bucky who I'm informed we're supposed to be pretending Steve isn't in love with, do you know him?"

"Nope."

"Okay, well, he's bringing some friends, so I'm bringing you. Don't make that face, you know almost everyone."

"I don't feel like getting drunk," I complain.

"Good! You can be the designated driver. Pantsuit or dress?"

Grumbling, I tell her, "Dress."

"Okay, thanks, you wear the pantsuit, be ready by seven. May the Force be with you!"

She ducks as I throw my shampoo bottle at her. We bicker and mock and tease as I pat myself dry and she changes into the scarlet dress.  While she braids her hair, I carefully slip into the navy and white striped pantsuit, and we move into her bedroom to make use of her vanity, since the sun's lowering position in the sky shone straight into the window while my room would be encased in dimness by now. I sit in the chair and she leans over me, brushing her eyelashes with delicate mascara.  We fall into our normal going-out-getting-ready rhythm, periodically handing each other different brushes, comparing lipstick shades, and commenting on our days. She tells me about her brother's latest shenanigans and I make the grave mistake of commenting on Melina's attempted set-up earlier today, much to Wanda's entertainment. The two had never met but they both shared the pure ecstasy that came with matchmaking involving me.

"Do you think she's pretty?" Wanda wonders.

"I've seen photos," I shrug. "She's a redhead. Yelena says she changes hairstyles often."

"That doesn't answer my question! Pretty redhead or no?"

"They were baby photos, Wanda! I didn't have an opinion on her looks past the Wonder Woman pajamas."

She hums, and turns to draw a small heart under my left eye with her gel liner pen. "It would be nice if you wound up with her, but if you do fall madly in love with her beautiful red locks and decide to move to Washington to marry her and have her babies, I will murder you. You pay your rent on time and you're fun and please, please do not make me move back in with my brother."

"Why does everyone keep bringing up babies?" I yell.

An hour later we're pulling up to the bar in the back of  a cab arguing about getting a cat. The debate of whose bathroom would host the litter tray is interrupted by Wanda spotting Vision through the window and quickly smacking my arm and hissing at me to hurry up and pay so she can sneak in and scare him. Unfortunately, I can't locate my purse inside my bag.

"(Y/N), (Y/N), go, go, go . . ."

"Wanda, Wanda, going, going, going . . . Aha!" I pay the driver and find myself being ushered inside before I can put my purse back in my bag.

Sam, a friend of Wanda's from college, ends up foiling her evil master plan by pointing her out as soon as she walks in the door. Vision, being a good sport, pretends to be startled when she yells "BOO!" in his ear. As she cackles manically before sliding into the chair beside him, I notice the only free space is by the pretty blonde woman beside a man with brown hair pulled into a bun.

"Oh, look who I dragged out with me!" Wanda exclaims, taking a sip of Vision's drink and making a grand gesture with her hands. "(Y/N)!"

I'm greeted with a chorus of hello's. I bow and grin as I sit by the woman and offer a polite smile. Steve leans over points to the brunet man. "This is Bucky, we were close as friends. As kids. We were close as friends, when we were kids."

Sam snorts into his beer.

Steve clears his throat awkwardly. "And this is his partner from work, Nat."

I get a closer inspection and my eyes widen in shock. "Natalia?"

"Her name is Natasha." Steve corrects.

"I thought her name was Natalie?" Vision frowns.

"She goes by Nat, who cares?" Sam shrugs.

"Natalia Alianovna Romanova?" Wanda yelps. "(Y/N)! You didn't tell me this was the Natalia!"

"The what? I— Do I know you two?" Natasha asks, bewildered.

"Not me!" Wanda says, and then makes a motion for zipping her lips shut.

Everyone turns to me. I chuckle nervously. "I should probably explain. Hi, I'm (Y/N), your parents want me to have your babies."

[lycorsa]

The Hunter | Mercy | *Revised*

Pairing: Mercy x Reader

Notes: This is a rewrite of something I wrote in 2019. I see requests in my inbox and brain apparently goes silent. Anyhow, I wanted to bring back witch Mercy and might start posting some other fandoms because OW is kinda dry for me rn, ngl. Lemme just get my gold border and die pls and ty. Also I've kind of made use of a flashback so the bold will kinda tell you where the hell you are, ya know

I swear all I write is angst. Every fic on my ao3 has either angst or hurt/no comfort tagged. We're doing great 👁👄👁👍

And uhh word count of like 1.3k but I'm on mobile so no read more option for us apparently. Tumblr just likes to bully me

Breathe. The air that fills your lungs is cruel in every way; sinister even. It's heavy against your chest and leaves something cold that you opt to ignore.

Relax. You push the air out in calculated breaths as to not draw attention to yourself. Hold. Your lungs burn against the practiced technique, but you don't dare move.

Aim. Target in sight, their back turned unsuspecting–none the wiser. You could end this now. Her terrifying reign could end with a single bolt. Just pull the release and it would be over. Get your payment and leave.

Finger on the release, your body stills. Through the fog, your eyes only see her. Not her creations lurking in the shadows nor the tethers ready to bind you should you act. You see the way her hair shown under the moonlight untucked from her hat. How her whole body relaxs under the same light–unaware.

Gods be damned, why couldn't you just do it.

The answer was simple, truly. Try as you might, you were charmed by the witch.

***

Some time prior...

"Away with you, witch." Your words are noncommittal, slurred even. Body heaving with every step, the moon is your only guide as heavy boots trudge through the forest floor. You stumble against branches and bramble but don't dare fall.

For if you fall, you're sure you'll never will yourself to stand again.

She is the figure at the edge of your vision. The one who watches in silence, seething with vague interest. First, you figure her for a madwoman from the nearby village. Alone in the middle of the night with no tools against the evil beings of the forest.

Then the realization hits.

"I am simply observing, Hunter," the words are like honey. Rolling off the tongue in waves as she approaches. You're in no right mind to fight. Not after your little dance with death earlier that night, "There's no harm in observing those who trample my lands, is there?"

You swallow. There's no point in answering. Not when a woman who could kill you with the snap of a finger stands before you.

"Quiet one, aren't you, Hunter?" She purrs, one hand moving to assess the damage done to your neck, little care as she tilts your head to the side with some force. Her thumb grazes over the bloodied mark left by the vampire countess.

You wince, the action beyond yourself, earning a smile from the woman. And so she does it again and again, pleased as you writhe and squirm under her grip, "I quite like the silent ones."

As if on command, a shadowy cask of armor made its presence known. The blue flames ignited by the fog only seem to drive further until you're sure you see eyes. They flicker from you to the woman in conceded admission before grabbing you roughly by your armpits, tearing you away from the witch.

"Now, Fareeha. That's no way to treat our newest guest." She whispers something under her breath and your world is plunged into darkness.

***

When you come to, you can't be sure of the day. Hell, you're not even sure you're alive until you hear your heart thrumming loudly in your ears. It's mind-numbing. The rapid pace can't be healthy. For a moment, you fear it will stop entirely until a new worry works itself into your mind.

Wildly, you grasp at your neck and the all too familiar sensation of bandages wrapped firmly around the wound. Alive. You're alive and someone cared enough about your wellbeing to at least bandage the wound.

Immediately, you scan the room for any signs of life. It's a wide room, a communal room even. Shelves stocked with ancient books dot the room between them, various oddities–ingredients, plants, and clutter–lay between.

"Awake now, Hunter?"

Your head swivels to meet the voice. That same voice. Her damned voice. The witch.

Opposite her previous attire, she dawns a light cloak that leaves little to imagination. You don't dare break eye contact with her: you'll never hear the end of it if you do, you're sure.

"Hunter," she descends much faster than you can make sense of, one hand prodding the bandage, while the other drags across your jawline. Her face hovers inches away from you and you don't dare move. The witch's charm is intoxicating.

She says something that you can't quite make out. You only nod. The gesture could've gone unnoticed had she not been paying attention. Spoiler: she was. The witch catches your disinterest, hand moving from your wound to the curve below your lips.

"Hunter, you're not all there now," she states observantly, a hint of humor to her voice as she tilts your head upward to meet hers, "The Countess has a rather warm effect on those she feeds on."

Warm?

"She shall be most delighted when I inform her of the longevity of these effects, I'm sure."

"As for now..." The witch retracts her hands and eyes something–someone with confirmation, "you'll rest and when you wake again, we'll consider our options moving forward."

"Sleep well, Hunter."

***

Present-day...

Everything–every little noise–rings louder than the last in your ears. Every breath is thunder against the silence. You're sure it bellows throughout the forest where every soul; living and dead listens.

Pull the release, get it over with. The words cross your mind more times than you care to count. But you can't do it.

You won't do it.

Not to her.

The village inhabitants were out of their minds to believe you of all people could do this. That you would turn on her. Or perhaps that was why they did. Sever the weakest link. Kill two birds with one stone.

"Angela," the words tumble from your mouth before you can stop yourself. No going back now. You lower the crossbow to your side until you carefully lay it against the cobbled ground, "I... They're going to..."

Speaking is lost on you when you meet knowing eyes with guilt, "I can't keep this ruse up much longer."

It was far easier to say that than the alternative. Admit your failure. That Angela would die for your misgivings.

"You haven't failed me before, Hunter," she muses. There's no sign of fear on her expression. She should be angry, livid with you. She should do anything but smile now.

Oh, her perfect smile.

"You have a beautiful soul," there's no malice to her words, "One worth keeping."

A joke, you realize. She's joking now of all times.

"Angela, this isn't a joking matter," you say sternly. It's not a tone you take often. Only when unsavory individuals encroach on the forest, "They want to kill you."

"The townspeople?" She doesn't wait for a response, approaching you until she's only a stone's throw away, "Yes. I know. They have for years. Cowards, all of them."

"Gods, they wanted me to kill you but I couldn't." Chanting in the distance raises numerous alarms in your head. You can see the wavering glow of torches through the treetline, "They'll finish the job if I don't."

"And will you do it?" Angela closed the remaining distance with a few steps until the two of you were only separated by height, "Will you finish the job?"

You're thankful that suit of armor is out of sight. It'd probably just about fall apart if it heard you talking about killing the witch.

"No." 

There's a churning inside your chest and you can't help but loath it, "You need to leave. With Fareeha and never come back."

You read her face for any betrayal of emotion. Nothing. She breathes, drinking in the moment for all she can, "This was my home once. Wooded as it can be, it was a home. And those monsters wish nothing more than to drive me away from it."

"And it's your home too. Even when I'm away it will always be your home."

Angela takes your hands into her own and lifts them to her lips. There's a silent recognition in her eyes–a sad one. You can see it in the way she's unable to meet your eyes, "We'll meet again, Hunter. In life and in death, you serve me."

Then she was gone. And with her, she took your soul.

[ssamie]

five. “team manager”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x haikyuu)

tw: mentions of suicide

masterlist.      suicide freak!

"this is the girl from yesterday" kuroo muttered 

it's been a day since the shrooms incident, and it's safe to say she's left a very weird first impression on the boys 

"hi~" she cooed with a wave 

today, she was looking more presentable. wearing the nekoma girl's uniform, with bandages framing her body, all except for her hands and face.  "i couldn't shake her off" kenma said with a sigh as he tried to wiggle his arm free from her grasp 

she simply chuckled and hugged his arm even tighter.  "sorry for the rather strange interaction we had yesterday" she apologised with a sheepish grin  "there was a small flaw in my plan, which led to that.." 

kenma rolled his eyes at her words.  he was the one that had to make sure she didn't accidentally jump off a cliff in her state yesterday.  he had to get her calmed down, and ended up calling a man called kunikida for help since he was in her emergency contacts. 

"what's your name?" kuroo asks with an amused grin 

"l/n y/n. nice to meet ya" she answered 

"so l/n-chan~" kuroo mused "anything we can help you with?" 

"i wanna be team manager!" she exclaimed with a dumb smile on her face 

some boys perked up at the mention of a manager, some pondered over it, while kenma simply let out a loud groan. 

"hah? you? manager?" kenma scoffed and pulled out his PSP  "you'll just try to kill yourself with the nets or something" he muttered with a huff

"eh? do you really have no trust in me kenma?" she sulked  "i mean, i probably would but still!" she huffed 

nekomata stepped forward and smiled at her "why would you like to be our manager, l/n?" he asked. she blinked and pondered over it for a while "hmm, volleyball is something i wanna try i guess." she said 

"but i don't really wanna play. i'd rather manage from the sidelines" she hummed  "so it would be a pleasure to work with you all" she said with a sly smile

she then looked at nekomata and tilted her head to the side, sending him a close eyed smile and holding her hand out for him to shake. 

"if you'll have me, of course" she added in a polite and soothing tone 

nekomata studied her, then her hand, as well as the bandages that ended just a little bit past her wrist. the old man chuckled and shook her hand. "well then, welcome to the team" he said with a laugh 

she smirked and nodded.  "glad to be here" 

"have i ever told you how incredibly intricate looking your fingers are?" she asked out of the blue.  kenma glanced at her as he drinks from his bottle, brows furrowing from her rather strange observation. 

"um, no?" he answered hesitantly 

she simply hummed and studied them even further, making him gulp. kenma looked at his hands, feeling slightly anxious. he then shoved them in the side of his shorts. 

"stop looking at them. it makes me nervous" kenma complained sheepishly 

she chuckled and pulled his hands out of his makeshift pockets. "dont be" she cooed with a smile "you hands are so.. delicate, so soft" 

kenma blushed as she started tracing circles over his palms, whispering sweet words and nothings as she does so. 

"so.." she trailed off, looking at him through lidded eyes, a flirty smirk etching itself on her lips. "s-so..?" he questioned 

"would you strangle me with these fragile, delicate fingers?" 

"ha? 😃" 

kenma stared at her while she stared back. she simply smiled at him as she continued to draw shapes on his palm.  "what the hell are you talking about?" kenma deadpanned 

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS!!" taketora shrieked. they all looked over to him as kenma raised a brow "can't take what?" he asked 

taketora ignored him and sprinted straight to y/n "l-l/n-chan! why him?!" he shrieked  "why not me?! i can give you my love!" taketora cried "let me love you!" 

she simply stared at him as she drops kenma's hands on his lap. "love..me?" she questioned with a blank smile 

taketora rushed over to her and showed her his hands "i have hands and fingers too!" he exclaimed  "i can-" 

"i don't think she meant she wants kenma to choke her during sex, yamamoto" kuroo intervened 

"yeah. she wants me to kill her." kenma bluntly spat out 

"hai!" she exclaimed "but either one is fine." 

kenma's brows shot up as he snapped his attention towards her. "huh??"

"hm? is there a problem, kenma-kun?" she chuckled “yes. there's a problem, and it's a big one." kenma said "im not gonna choke you during se-" 

"l/n!" nekomata called out, effectively cutting off kenma 

the (h/c) haired girl perked up and walked over to the man "yes?" she asked "so? did you jot down anything while watching?" nekomata asked. the older man patted the spot next to him on the bench, urging her to sit next to him. she hummed and pulled out a notebook. 

"well, may i just say" she started "these boys are very impressive." 

"i don't usually have the motivation to do these type of things but i wrote down everything i've observed" she said "i do hope it's enough" she chuckled as she sat down next to nekomata 

"well then, let's see it" nekomata said as he ushered the boys over to them. "well then, these are my observations, as well as teeny tiny little advices" she says

she handed kuroo the notebook. the captain skimmed through the pages with a look of interest. "okay let's- eh?" kuroo sweat dropped "this is never-ending, l/n-chan" he chuckled 

kuroo flipped through the whole notebook, laughing as he saw each page filled from front to back. "that's a crap ton of info!" taketora exclaimed 

"how'd you even get all of that over a silly practice game" yaku asked, a look of amusement and curiosity lacing his features. 

she shrugged nonchalantly and fiddled with her hair "dunno" she cooed "i guess it comes naturally" she said "i have a job quite similar, so breaking down your attacks and the way you move or play is quite easy" 

nekomata hummed in delight "ah, so we're you a manger before as well, or..?" he asked 

"nope! i'm a detective!" she grinned 

the team stared at her and smiled, same as you would when a child says something crazy or stupid. she immediately snapped her head towards kenma, smiling excitedly as she awaits his reaction 

"are you impressed? will you go on a double suicide with me now?" she asked with a grin. kenma stared at her, unmoving, as he looked her up and down. 

"no." he answered 

she immediately deflated and sulked beside nekomata. "i-i see." she sniffled "i understand" 

"that's nice, l/n-chan!" yaku exclaimed, obviously unconvinced that she was a detective "really nice. it's good to have dreams!" he said as he patted the girl's back

she blinked as she looked down on him. "eh? no, i mean like im actually a detective" 

"i mean i get that you don't think so" she laughed "i may not look much, but im an operative of the armed detective agency" she said.  her playful smile dropped, and was replaced by a stoic look as she showed them a badge 

"eh? seriously?! that's so cool!" lev says as he excitedly jumps up and down 

"heh. right?" she grinned as the other boys starts freaking out 

kenma simply narrows his eyes and clicks his tounge in distaste. "so what about it, kenma-kun? won't it be cool to die with someone like that?" she asks cheekily 

"no" 

"but-" 

"no" 

"fine" 

"no- oh." 

"you'll fit right in, l/n" nekomata said with a laugh. he waved then goodbye before stepping away. kuroo approached them, fanning himself with the notebook as he slung his arm around her shoulders 

"so, l/n.." kuroo said "whyre you so obsessed with having a double suicide with our kenma?" he asked.  kenma sighed and pitched his nose bridge with dread "please don't ask that. she'll-" 

"oh my! i thought you'd never ask!" she said dramatically as she waved her arms about

"committing suicide alone?" she started "oh my, that's so passe kuroo-san!" 

"i've come to realise, that if i were to die.. i will die alongside a beautiful man or woman!" her eyes sparkled as she gawked over kenma, who was looking very unamused at the moment. 

"and i found the most beautiful boy there is! what else could be better than this?" she exclaimed with teary eyes 

"ah, double suicide.. what a sweet ring it has!" she exclaimed "in comparison, it feels so empty to bid this world farewell all by my lonesome self!" she hugged kenma and nuzzled her cheek into his pudding-like hair. 

kenma merely froze as he felt his arms and body get squeezed by her. she was surprisingly strong and had a vice grip on him. "please let me go." kenma muttered 

"no" 

the boys watched the whole withing with varying reactions. most of them were worried for her mental state and well-being, while the others were amused. the 'others', being lev. it still kinda hadn't hit him that she was a suicidal psycho. 

"hmm, you're right, l/n-senpai! it'll be sad to die alone" lev agreed with a thoughtful hum 

"see! he sees the problem with it!" she said 

yaku immediately intervened by kicking lev in the back of his knees, making him fall forward. he also snatched kenma away, making her whine. "give him back!" she yelled. “take me away" kenma said 

yaku huffed and lightly flicked her in the forehead. "the real problem here is the fact that you wanna commit suicide!" he exclaimed 

"double suicide" she corrected. 

"that's not any better!" 

[megthemewlingquim]

Doubts

Summary: You and Loki have a serious conversation about what you believe in.

Pairing: Loki x Christian!Reader

Warnings: Christian beliefs, absolute blasphemy, mentions of God, feelings of inadequacy and doubt, one or two thoughts related to suicide, hurt/comfort

Prompt: Drown by Tyler Joseph. Lyrics from the song will be in bold.

A/N: This is for @kitkatd7 's writing challenge! She's such a sweetheart. The prompt is listed above — it's honestly one of the saddest songs I've ever listened to, and it certainly was a challenge to write this. I can identify and relate to the reader. I basically put you in my shoes. I hope you like this!

All is quiet, but you want to scream.

You feel like you can't breathe, your breath caught in your throat and your wet eyes shut tight, tight, tight —

Though the world around you, including the lover by your side, is silent, your own thoughts attack you. They are not loud but they are frequent.

Do you really think God cares about you? He left you a long time ago. He likes to see you suffer from loneliness and anxiety. He likes it. You don't matter to Him, not at all. Your sinfulness is too great for Him to forgive.

You bite down on your hand to silence your sobs. You barely make a sound — you don't want to make a sound.

You want to die.

You don't want to kill yourself. Dear God, no.

But, hey, if you died right now, and you could escape from your doubts and fears, that'd be fine —

"Don't. Don't say that. Don't even think it."

Oh. He's up. And, even better, he's listening to your thoughts.

"I thought I told you not to do that," you say weakly, not looking over at him.

"They were too loud. Too desperate," Loki whispers. "Turn around, love, let me see you." He's pleading with you.

You comply, turning over in one fast, almost careless motion to look your lover in the face.

"Why — why — why are you thinking like this?" Loki's dumbfounded, stunned. Teary eyed, he tugs you to him, and suddenly you can't keep your sobs away or your arms from gripping onto him for dear life, your knuckles white. You shatter in his embrace, sobbing helplessly.

Loki makes a sound in his throat, a combination of a sigh and a whimper. He grips you to him as well. "What's the matter, my heart? Tell me everything..."

You can't, though you want to. You can't find your breath. All you do for a while is cry as Loki holds you, grateful that he is there.

"Whatever you're thinking," he says quietly, his voice causing low, comforting vibrations in his chest, "all I want you to know is that I love you. I adore you, sweetheart, and if you left..." He draws in a shaky breath. "God, I wouldn't know what I would do... But for now, I will listen to you. All you have to do is talk to me. I can't help you if you don't do that."

You nod, your sniffles becoming more frequent than your cries.

"Now, can we dry those lovely eyes? I can't stand to see you cry." Loki strokes your head, your shaking torso. "Take deep breaths now, love. That's it... Can you talk to me now?"

"Yeah — yeah," you stammer. You're calming down a little, your breaths becoming more even and your thoughts becoming less loud and crushing. It helps some to have Loki's embrace, his kind words and his gentle touches. It helps you know that you're not alone right now, it helps you to know that there's someone next to you to love.

"Okay. Go on. What's the matter with my darling, hmm?" Loki lets go of you a little, holds you a little less tightly. His body remains just as close to yours, though. You, in turn, let your hands fall to the mattress and raise your head a little to look into Loki's eyes.

"I've... I've been having some tr—trouble praying. And — and sleeping. Mostly praying..."

Loki's face softens then.

You were the one to try to help him believe in a God bigger than his world's. Yes, the Nine Realms existed, and they came into being the way he knew, but to you, Earth was created by your God — Who would also have existed as some form of Norse god that Loki knew.

Which is what you tried to tell Loki. Tried.

(Yes, it's confusing, but it's not the issue here...)

Loki was open to believing almost anything, so he listened to your versions of the Bible stories you remembered. He admired the fact that you believed in a very personal God, one that came to Earth to suffer and die for humanity, then defy death and rise again. Fully God and fully man, that's a concept that Loki never understood. But bless him, he tried.

"Oh..." Loki muses. "Why's that?"

"Er — it's just that... on some days... I feel. I feel... lost. I feel... I feel like —" You take a sharp breath. "I feel like God doesn't want to hear from me."

There's a pause. A very uncomfortable one.

"Why — why would that be?" he asks, and he sounds genuinely confused, concerned.

"I don't know," you mutter. "I just think it. I just think that God has turned away, that He doesn't want to be with me and that he doesn't forgive me for anything I've done."

"That's — that's awful," Loki says sadly. "And... I'm sure that's not true... But go on. Anything else that's bothering you?"

"It's just that I do so much, I try so hard to be better, to be what He wants me to be. I wanna be a lot of things. And I fail. I feel like I'm failing miserably, drastically. And then I crash dramatically into a wall I've hit a hundred times before. I fall back into the same mistakes. Then I go to God when I've failed with my choices.

It feels like He doesn't want to forgive me. And I've read stories about how sinning physically hurts God. Like I'm causing him pain. I draw blood. I still ignore the dark red blood stains on the floor. But... I want to go up to Him and ask, "Is the blood mine or Yours?" I'm confused and lost and scared..."

You say all of this slowly, trying to make this as descriptive as possible, for both of your sakes. So that you can better process it and so that Loki can better understand it.

"I don't want to do this anymore," you say blankly.

"It's the guilt," Loki says. "The guilt of sinning."

You nod. "I've just been feeling so alone, so distant from God lately. A part of me just... isn't there. I'm hollow."

"Well, isn't God always with you? That's a thing you told me... He told his followers, 'I am always with you, until the end of the age.'"

"Yeah," you say. "But that's not how I feel. Not all of the time. Sometimes, I'm alright. Other times, I feel so numb and that everything around me is so dark. I'm screaming submission and I don't know if I am dying or living."

"You're speaking in metaphors, love. But I understand. You feel empty. Depressed. Alone."

You sniff, his words sinking in again. The tears resurface.

"All I want is — I want Him to drown me. Dr—drown me in His love. But I never — I never feel worthy of it."

"Oh, no, no, love... No more tears," Loki whispers. "Please, no..." He grips you tighter again. "Sweetheart, I need you to understand something.

"God is with you always, and He sees your pain, okay? You're never alone. Never. And I think what He'd want you to do is talk to Him about it. And... it's good that you feel like you're not worthy, because you're not."

Those words are not what you are expecting to hear. You look up at him, shocked and hurt. "What?!" Your voice tremble.

He gasps, guilt crossing his face. "I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was... you're not worthy, but God doesn't care. Because He died for you. He gave you his grace by that act of love — suffering and dying at the hands of the Romans and the Jews, yeah? He did that for you."

"There's — there's a quote by C.S Lewis that I remember," you say, regaining your mind and emotions. You're starting to feel better, calmer, more helpful. "'When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you'd been the only man in the world.'"

"That's a wonderful thought, my love. Take heart in that. Believe it."

He draws you closer then, kissing your temple. "You're going to be alright. All God wants is to be with you. Don't let your thoughts tell you otherwise. He loves you. He loves you, He loves you, He loves you. And I love you. Oh, my darling, I love you to the ends of the earth. And that is all you need to know."

You sigh, drowsiness suddenly taking you over. "Thank you," you whisper, feeling much better.

"You're absolutely welcome, dear heart. Remember... you're never alone. And God would want you to keep living. Stay alive, because He has better plans for you than this. I promise."

[thelucyverse]

Part 1, part 2

Tw: violence

The old Order headquarters being in Time Cottage, Tinworth, is from 'Pride of Time' by AnubisAnkh, one of the best HP fanfics I've read this year (and I probably took so long to notice it because it has a ship I don't usually ship, but then again the same can be said for this fanfic here...); Tinworth itself is a HP canon magical settlement I think

Back in Europe, I get ready to make new experiments while I also wait for all of Tom Riddle's horcruxes to be killed by the Order (I can't bear to call him the Dark Lord in my head, and I am afraid to think of him as Voldemort, afraid of what it would do should I accidentally say it out loud one day).

In September of 1981, my research and soul-magic training is coming to a close, and I believe that I will have more time than I could possibly need with how slow the hunt for further Horcruxes is going, so when Bellatrix asks me to attend the annual Malfoy Yule Ball with her- "And not just to show our faces for half a minute, either, I want to /dance/!"- I readily accept. She smiles brightly- my positive influence seems to work, she thawed immensely from when I arrived back in England to now- and we kiss. It has been a long time that we have kissed in private, just kissed.

It is on this very Yule ball that my careful plans of only moving on to fixing the souls of his followers when Riddle is most vulnerable are wrecked and my hand is forced: my positive influence on Bella really is already working and more so than expected. I only get a moment of warning when her aura shifts- her soul wants to reconnect- and she goes down with a pained cry I stifle with a muffliato.

It had to happen at Malfoy Manor, the one place it shouldn't, always filled by Deatheaters and high society that even frequented by Voldemort... I am lucky to get Bella into a private room- Lucius' study- with minimal attention, only Narcissa noticed and actually helps, afraid for her sister, understanding that something is wrong.

Inside, Bella collapses, I don't even manage to get her into the armchair, she just falls to the floor, clinging to me desperately, afraid for her life. My ears are ringing with fear- this isn't how it was supposed to go, I'm not prepared, I don't know how to help her- Bellatrix whispers something, and for a moment I think I didn't understand her right. "Love you." she coughs out. "Didn't say it before, but-" "You're not going to die." I hiss. "Bella, you're not going to die, and we are going to fucking /talk/ when this is all over." she laughs even when her eyes roll back in her head in pain. "You don't have to say it back if you don't-" I take the chain with the promise ring on my neck and press it to her skin. "That's not what I'm saying at all. You-"

"What are you doing?!" Narcissa must have seen me pressing the metal to her sister's neck and come to the wrong conclusion. She's pointing her wand at me, but I don't even bother to disarm her, instead dangling the chain with the ring in her face. "Nothing but reminding her to live!"

With a shaky breath, Narcissa lowers her wand. I hadn't expected her to trust me so quickly, but maybe she's just that rattled. "Then what?? What happened? Has she been poisoned? Do I need to get Severus? Do I-" "No." I say. "We need to-"

Before I can finish the sentence, Lucius enters, and I stupefy him without waiting for him to talk. I like Narcissa well enough, but I can't stand her husband, and I won't be taking any chances now. Open-mouthed, Narcissa quickly closes the door, pushing Lucius' foot out of the way- I'm glad, thinking that she doesn't much seem to care for him- when she bends down, checking for his pulse, making sure he is alright with a kind of urgency... I squint- and notice a dark connection between them literally binding her to him. Not soul-magic, but she probably can't kill or actively oppose him without being in terrible pain. A kind of vow? A problem for later.

"Narcissa?" I speak up. "/You/ need to do a round of the party now so as not to draw suspicion. Lucius will be unharmed when you return." still unconscious, though, hopefully, I think while I tie the man up for good measure. Narcissa nods shakily, gets her appearance in order and disappears.

Once I am alone with her, I set to work getting Bella's soul reconnected to itself. Like in delirium, I weave healing spells over healing spells while whispering sweet nothings in her ear, hoping she will hear it, hoping she will be herself again when it is all over... Bella screams, and I put up a new muffliato, cursing myself for not thinking about it earlier and hoping that no-one has heard or thought anything of it. Lucius wakes and I stun him again before he can say anything. Then I focus on Bellatrix, lighting up the essence of a soul with a spell Melodenia taught me so I can see what is going on- and I gasp. It's like her soul is stretched thinly between herself and the horcrux, wherever it is. Without the preparative spells, her soul is yanking at it in uncontrolled bursts, getting more of her soul back but also stretching the connecting piece way too thinly... Biting the inside of my cheek, I focus on her soul and dive into the world of soul magic.

There is so much pain. I wonder how Bella hasn't given up on life yet if this is what she is feeling right now. Distantly, I feel tears in my eyes while I let my magic move further along her soul strand, towards the Horcrux, a burning piece of dark magic- I really hope the Dark Lord isn't keeping this anywhere near him, there is no way he won't feel what I am about to do otherwise. And there is no way I will delay this to find out.

With a black-hot shock wave, the Horcrux explodes from the inside out.

Screaming, I fall back, my magic lashing out as I try to get rid of that tainted spell it touched. Now, I’m glad I only did this for her and didn’t try to cut all deatheaters lose at once, even better prepared that would have been a nightmare. I don’t blame Melodenia for not telling me that, though- there’s no way she could have known, she never tried to split her soul in two before, after all.

Drawing in ragged breaths, I sit up, my hand fluttering over Bella’s still form at its own volition. Why isn’t she waking? Her body is unharmed, and her soul is there, I can feel it- oh. Now that I am really looking, I notice that there are still streaks of magic, of curses in someone else’s magical signature surrounding her. I hadn’t noticed it before due to the nature of the Horcrux connection, but now it is obvious: her Dark Mark, connected directly to the Dark Lord. Either Riddle noticed, or there is a failsave, because now that the Horcrux is gone, something is happening- and I can’t stop it. I /could/, but with how weak I am now, the curse would just burn through me should I lift it. While I truly love Bellatrix, I am not ready to die in her stead. I have to think quickly-

In that moment, Narcissa returns, and I am reminded of the connection she has to that evil husband of hers, who is still in the room... “Please tell me you do not actually care for Lucius Malfoy.” Narcissa opens her mouth to speak, but chokes on her own words. I nod. As I thought. With quick, slashing spells I end the Vow or whatever it was that kept her bound to him. She collapses as if her strings are cut, but I don’t take the time to make sure she is alright- instead turning to Lucius: “Imperio.”

Through Lucius’ eyes, the magic looks different, as if he can’t quite tell what is good and what is bad. Maybe good and bad are just defined entirely differently to him. With my theoretical knowledge, I still find the curse again- and when I force Lucius to ignore the pain, the burning, I keep looking and find more than just that. An entire network of curses, leading from Deatheater to Deatheater to Voldemort. Not all of them are connected, at least not equally so, there seems to be a second network only slightly touching the first, but still- I can take down many Death Eaters in one go with this. I just have to make sure I don’t kill Bellatrix in the process. 

The connection of the Marks is a literal maze. Getting Bella free is still my priority, and as soon as I identify hers, I start to first push back the magic that is seeping into her, and, when I hear her gasp as she comes awake, one by one destroy the connections she has to the others. 

Bellatrix is free. I only take a moment to blink from my Imperius-Lucius-view to make sure she is alright- Narcissa is with her, of course, the other woman had never taken the Mark so she should be fine now- before diving back into the Maze of Dark Marks, getting right in the middle of it and destroying the curse from the inside out. Lucius screams despite the Imperius curse when the Dark Lord’s magic is burning his hands before his own Dark Mark explodes, taking his entire arm with him- he doesn’t have to live that way for long as the magic seeping through the maze tears him apart. Throwing up a shield, I banish his body and all magic it carries to go Merlin-knows-where.

The Dark Marks are gone. the Horcruxes remain. Can I get them the same way I got the Marks? 

Leaning down briefly to kiss Bella’s forehead and stroke her cheek, I stumble to the door, opening it a fraction to look out. The party is in disarray, many have felt the change in the Mark. I see Nott and Avery stumbling against each other a few metres away- easy targets, them. I imperio Avery first, and then I have /him/ imperio Nott- now Nott is the only one who can still use his magic for anything but holding up the imperius curse. Didn’t I already mention that this curse is stupid? But in this case, it would help me. letting Avery and Nott walk into the middle of the room, I then let Nott walk further, waiting for- ah! Sabina, a woman I am quite certain is an illegitimate half-blood instead of the pure blood she claims, and definitely affected by a Horcrux. Nott- or rather his body, lead by Avery’s curse and my command- walks into her, touches her arm as if to steady her- and then his magic is reaching into her soul. Feeling along the link towards the Horcruxes. Yes, there are more soul-pieces closeby, I can reach them- I don’t know whether this means that the Horcruxes are physically close together or just that they have been forged by the same hand, souls work in funny ways sometimes, after all. I don’t much care either way, just commanding Avery to command Nott to destroy them all- and then break the connection of the imperius while Avery passes on the command. 

If the way Sabina stumbles while Nott screams and burns and Avery falls to his knees is any indication, it must have worked.

I hurry back into the study, to Narcissa and Bellatrix. "Are you alright??" I ask, kneeling down next to Bella "Yes." she coughs out, but I can see the fear and confusion in her eyes. "Are you?" she adds. I just nod, pressing my forehead to hers, just breathing for a while. "What in the stars names /was/ that?" Narcissa's shout breaks our moment of peace. Huh. I didn't realise she could screech like that. And I don't think she knows /any/ real curse words. With a sigh, I get up, pulling Bellatrix to her feet, too.

"Your soul fixed itself" I tell Bella. "It- I had noticed a while ago that something was wrong with it, and suspected the Dark Lord might be behind it. I was still doing research, I nearly had it- and then today, it just started to fix itself, well, I helped it along a bit when I noticed that it had started. What I saw confirmed that it was Riddle by the way- the Dark Lord, I mean. I also broke the hold he had over you through the Dark Mark, oh, and Lucius' hold on Narcissa. Well, pretty sure he's dead now anyway." I sum up what had happened. Both stare at me, completely baffled. Feeling uneasy, I shift from one leg to the other. "So. Are you two ready to break with Voldemort and all his beliefs?"

Bellatrix is startled into a laugh. "I think we already did that quite thoroughly..." she snorts out.

Narcissa looks at her as if she has gone insane- then pales. "Draco! I have to- if someone notices-" Oh. I had completely forgotten about the kid. Not my proudest moment. "Uh, you hadn't left him with someone who's Marked, have you?" Now, both look at me like I'm insane. "You think anyone that high up would bother to play nursemaid??" Bellatrix asks. "Not even I would bother- no offense, sister." "None taken." Narcissa says curtly. "Now, I am going to get my son, and then- and then-" "I know where we can go" I say, feeling slightly sorry to force her out of her own home, but we really better move now- although really I should feel more sorry for the Order for having to put up with the three of us now. "If you are ready to leave not just the Dark Lord but blood supremacy in general behind, too, that is." Bella just shrugs. "'s long as you're there..." we smile at each other, and then I have to look away as I remember that I can't really promise that, that I have no idea how long I still have in this world. Shaking myself from these depressing thoughts, I swipe Tom Riddle's diary from Lucius' cabinet before leaving the room.

Narcissa goes to collect Draco from his nurse in the private chambers, and Bella and I disillusion each other, then lean against the corridor wall, hexing whoever comes past and doesn't look too friendly. Deatheaters, general scumbags, oh, Fenrir Greybag, that one I stun and disillusion, too. Might be a good present for the order, or something, showing that I don't want them to just pardon all former bad guys. It doesn't get to that, however, when one of the Carrows- Amycus? I honestly can't tell under the robes and the blood- realises where our jinxes are coming from and tries to fight back, sending a killing curse- well, moving Greyback in the way of that was self defense, really. And it's not like anyone's going to spill any tears over it. Carrow moves in for another blow- and is taken down from behind.

"Fuck, I've always wanted to do that."

A young man stands behind him, wand dangling from his hand, dark hair in disarray and a bloody nose. For a moment, he looks exactly like Sirius Black, but then I recall: this is Regulus! I didn't even know that he was still alive... His name had been on a lost of people I had planned to save, back in the very beginning when I arrived in this world. But then I didn't know when exactly it would happen to save him myself, and I had no information to prove his innocence or reform to the Order... Of course, the Order had found the locket earlier than him because of me. Did he go there, see it was gone and disappear again instead of drinking the poison? Or did he never try to leave the Deatheaters at all? The way he had just taken down one of Voldemorts' henchmen just because, in the current chaos, he had been able to, made me believe otherwise.

Disillusioning myself (and throwing up a shield at the same time, I'm not stupid), I stepped forward. "Regulus Black, is it not?" "Who wants to- oh, you're Bella's girl, aren't you?" my eye twitched at being called anyone's girl, but I ignored it for now. "Are you done being a pawn for the Dark Lord?" He blinked. Then actually laughed. "You know- yes. Why, are you leaving your wife behind? Wait, are you the reason for all this chaos?" "We are." Bella stepped forward too, and in the same moment, Narcissa came hurrying up behind us, baby Draco in her arms. Regulus stared at us for a moment, then started to laugh again. I see how he's related to Sirius. "You know- yes, whatever this is, I'm in."

I look at Narcissa. "Have you ever been to Tinworth?" If I apparate the four of us all the way there, I wouldn't have the power left to defend Bellatrix should it come to a conflict. Thankfully, everyone knows the village, Narcissa disapparating with Draco first, then Regulus, than me with Bellatrix although she insists that she is fine. We apparate to the east of the town, regroup and I apparate us to the closed off partage in front of the cottage that I had insisted on- it is not under the fidelius, so one can take others there, but it's protected by enough spells that new members can be read into the Secret without the possibility of anyone seeing and attacking. My past paranoia and overthinking comes in handy now. Letting the others stand behind me after telling them to watch each others backs and call for me should anyone show up, I move to open the door, knowing that I will disappear from their view as soon as I'm in the doorstep. I don't want to leave Bella alone, but this is the easiest way to prove that I am myself and not someone under polyjuice who doesn't know the Secret.

"Hello?" I call out. "Anybody home?"

Part 4

[dra-and-sdra2-imagine-writer]

I've been feeling down lately,So I was thinking of an au where the Dra cast deal with something like an zombie infection disease. I'd like that.

Bet! These types of Au’s I love! So, I gotcha covered, nonnie! Sorry that it’s super late!

———

“ Help ...! Help..! “ A meek voice called out, Tsurugi planned fo ignore it. Truly, not to be a bad guy. Only for the mere reason that he didn’t want to take any more people along with him. Or so that they could draw any of the hollows to the nearby area. But something..something made him go towards the building but he did and honestly shocked to see someone just laying on the ground. Pulling out his weapon, he pointed at what he assumed to be a body. Not knowing whether or not if they were still alive. “ I’m alive! And not bitten! It was..by a dog! “ The boy with green hair cradled his arm to his chest. The gun was still pointed at him and he was terrified as could be. “ ..I’ll let Rei make that call. “ He sighed, effortlessly lifting the boy up and slinging up over his shoulder before turning and started to leave the building. “ Teruya..it’s..it’s my name. “

Tsurugi didn’t recall asking, but nevertheless, he nodded his head.

“ Tsurugi. “ The boy known as Teruya had a soft smile form onto his face. It took around twenty to thirty minutes for Tsurugi to reached the cave looking area? Teruya to say the least was very confused, however, he didn’t question it. As Tsurugi made it into the cave, walking far enough a flame could be seen. He merely held onto Tsurugi to continued to carry him, until they reached the flame which revealed to be a group of people who looked dirty, exhausted, and hungry as he was. Tsurugi placing the injured male down before looking over at a girl with blondish brunette hair. “ Kanata, would you treat the wound of him? “ Tsurugi asked, with a small thumb gesture over to Teruya.

Kanata? That was her name it seemed to suit her. But when the girl made her way over, he showed his arm to her. “ I..got bit by a dog. “ He sighed before smiled meekly. “ Thank you, Ms. Kanata. Oh! I’m Teruya, nice to meet you! “ He said politely, Kanata nodded her head. A smile making way into her face as she began to treat his wound. “ It’s not a problem, Mr. Teruya. “ The girl replied rather joyfully, Teruya turning his head over to the sound of commotion where he saw Tsurugi arguing with some orange-haired woman? He turned his attention back to Kanata,

“ What’s going on with Tsurugi? “ Teruya asked looking back on what he assumed to be a doctor of some sort? “ He’s probably arguing with Rei again, she doesn’t..really take to kindly to strangers. I’m afraid. ”

After hearing what she said, Teruya’s gaze shifted back onto Tsurugi. He was..defending him? If what Kanata said was true, then that must mean that Tsurugi liked him! Even if it was by a little bit. It still counts all the same to him! “ Ah! There you are, Mr. Teruya! A small word of advice, I suggest you go and meet others. That way, they’ll be more inclined to let you stay, instead of being kicked out. “ Kanata wished to the green-haired male, before standing up and waving before turning to walk up. Thinking for a moment, perhaps it could do some good that he could meet them? It certainly wouldn’t hurt. Standing up, Teruya looked around noticing an orange-haired male and a blue-haired girl. Making his way over, he took a seat down across from them. “Heya! I’m Teruya, what are your names?“ He asked with curiosity the orange-haired boy with to speak, but the girl cut him off. “‘Satsuki’s name is Satsuki! And this is Haruhiko!” She chirped, with a bright smile spread across her face. Teruya let out a small laugh. “ Well, it’s nice to meet you both. “ Haruhiko let out an annoyed sigh, before looking back at Teruya. “ Anyway, you’re the newbie right? The one Tsurugi bright. “ To that Teruya nodded his head. “ I figured, well it’s nice meeting you too, Teruya. Hopefully, whenever you get the chance, we can talk some more. “ Haruhiko stated, to which Teruya grinned. “ Of course! I promise! “ And so, Teruya took his time and began to introduce himself to the others and learn things about them before going back and sitting with Satsuki and Haruhiko.

A few weeks or so, later on, ~!

“ This is your first mission, I’m allowing you to go with Rei. To retrieve medical supplies from the pharmacy. It’s run down, so I’m certain that you won’t run into anyone. Only hollows come worse case scenarios, stay together. And have your weapons on at all times. “ Tsurugi said, eyeing the two before going back to what he was doing. Which was planning a small map layout? Teruya went to speak, but it seems like the girl started walking. Scrambling after her, Teruya fell into step beside her looking ahead, then back at her, ahead, then back at her. This continued for a few minutes, or until she got very annoyed. If there’s something you want to say, then say it. “ She snapped, looking at Teruya with anger in her hues. Smiling sheepishly, Teruya our a hand behind his back before slowly dropping it down. “ I just wanted to say that you’re pretty is all miss Rei! “ Rei’s eyes widened in surprise before she looked back ahead with a soft click of her tongue. He was the same age as them, correct? She didn’t know what to make of him just yet..he was..a nuisance.

It took some time, but the duo soon reached the abandoned town. Rather bitter that Rei wasn’t trusted alone to do this task and she had to babysit, she immediately headed into the store. Regardless of Teruya, who hurried after him. “ H — Hey! Don’t leave me, you know what Tsurugi said, we have to stay tog —“

Rei’s bitter tone rose, as she faced the smaller male. “ I don’t CARE what Tsurugi says. He isn’t our leader! Just someone who merely assumes that he is! “ She exclaimed rather bitterly. “ YOU’RE JUST A INCONVENIENCE for us all! You’re the reason we’re low on food, supplies, and everything in between! Do me a favor and just get the supplies, if you can do that much. “

Teruya’s eyes were the size of dinner plates. He was honestly hurt, being told that a practical nuisance wounded his heart. Nodding his head, he turned and walked off to gather some supplies. Around ten minutes or so go by, and groaning started to come towards the building. Okay, simple. All they needed to do was flee the building. “ Come on, Teruya we have to go! “ Rei called zipping up the duffel bag with the supplies within it. “ Y..Yeah! “ Teruya’s voice wasn’t as chipper as it was before, it was easy to tell that he was upset over her words. Rei noticed but didn’t say anything as she hurried to leave the store. Only to see zombies start to make their ways in. As well as the surrounded windows. “ Dammit, Ah! I know a way out. Come on! “ Rei called, as she turned and started heading towards that slightly hidden exit. Teruya following behind as to not get left. When he noticed, a shelf starting to fall. “ Rei! “ Teruya suddenly called, making the girl look and turn back to him. “ What is it?! “ Her tone was rather angry, but Teruya didn’t care at the moment. “ LOOK OUT — ! “ Teruya launching himself forward, to push himself and the girl out of harm's way.

The two hit the ground with a ‘ THUMP ‘ slowly opening his eyes. He realized that he was on top of her. So he hurried to get off of her. Rei let out a small groan, trying to get up herself, but she wasn’t able to do so. “ T — The hell?! “ She tried to remove the shelf off. But it only caused her to let out a small scream of pain. “ I can’t move! I’m stuck! “ Rei called out, Teruya looking for something that could try and prop the shelf up. Luckily seeing a crowbar, he ran over and picked it up. Before going back to the shelf and started to lift it up. The groans were only coming closer and at this point, Rei was beginning to see the Zombies. “ Just go! This will take to much time! “

She cried out, still trying to move but the pain had begun to become unbearable. So she had to stay still, she was scared. Even if she tried not to show it, seeing how frantic she was. Teruya refused to leave her, despite what she said to him. He couldn’t, no he wouldn’t leave without her. She was important to him, just as was everyone in the humble place was. “ I’m not leaving you! “ Teruya replied quickly, before hooking the bottom of the shelf and attempted to lift it with the crowbar. But he was far too weak to do so. “ I..I can’t..” Teruya uttered to himself. Eyes filled with panic, “ Teruya! Just leave me! If you stay any longer, than you’ll die right beside me, you idiot! “ Rei yelled, snapping him out of his thoughts and looking at Rei when tears swelling in his eyes. “ I..I won’t leave you, Rei! I’m going to save you! I swear! “

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Carrying Rei on his back..Teruya and her just barely managed to escape the pharmacy. Sighing, Teruya walked albeit quite slower than they were able to do so before. “ Why did you save me, idiot... “ Rei mumbled, holding onto him. “ I never go back on my word, I told you. “ Teruya looking over his shoulder at Rei smiled. She shook her head softly mumbling something along the lines of that they could have died. “ I forgive you, you know. About what you said back there in the store..I know you didn’t mean it. You were probably just angry. “ Rei kept silent, only tightening her grip on him slightly. “ Mm..”

Teruya’s grin only grew as he looked back seeing their base come into view. So he picked his pace up, making his way inside of the cave before calling out. “ Guys! Rei is hurt! Please help! “ That was enough to draw their attention and they came rushing over. “ What happened to you both?! “ Haruhiko called, “ Is Rei okay?! “

Kiyoka yelled seeing that Kakeru effortlessly lifted Rei off of Teruya. “ I’ll explain later, just take her to Kanata so that she can help her! “ Kakeru nodded his head turning and walking off.

~ Hours Later ~

“ And..that’s what happened. “ Teruya said, his shoulder slumping as he stared into the fire. “ What’s the matter? Why do you sound glum, chum? “ Satsuki asked, gently nudging him. “ If I had reacted sooner..maybe I could have...avoided that.“ Satsuki had a small pout form on her lips. “ Satsuki thinks that she speaks for everyone when she says that you did a good thing, Ruya! Rei - Rei May have gotten hurt, but you still saved her. That’s more important. “ There were several yeah’s and mhm’s from the others who were listening.

“ But I — ” Teruya was promptly interrupted. “ But nothing —! You did a good thing! “‘Satsuki said, hugging him with a small grin. “ Group hug! “ The others soon began to join. Haruhiko, Kiyoka, Kanata, Kizuna, Mikako, Mitch, Yamato, and Akane. The only ones who were missing were Rei and Tsurugi.

“ Let’s make a Pact! That we won’t ever leave each other! “ Satsuki’s voice rung out cheerfully. “ Yeah! “ Came from the various survivors. A..pact, that’s what it use to be called right? What it was not to them was a symbol that they were going to stay together. To try and protect each other from the hollows. Like a family..Teruya never expected this life, but he wouldn’t ever change it.

Small bonus ;

Tsurugi let out a small chuckle as he sat in a cheer near Rei. “ So, he saved you huh? And here you were complaining that he would not hinder us. “ Commented on the red-eyed male. Rei scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest glaring at Tsurugi. “ I stand by my point, Tsurugi. Even if..he saved me. It means nothing! “ Tsurugi shaking his head stood up. “ Hiding your true feelings won’t get you anywhere. “ He spoke over his shoulder before he walked out of the room. Rei wouldn’t admit it, but she honestly scared that she was going to die in the pharmacy. But..she was saved by Teruya, and she owed him her life. Perhaps, she was wrong about him after all. At that thought, a small smile made way across her lips. She wouldn’t mind being wrong about that.

[endgamehale]

The Falling of James Barnes

Hi guys!! So I usually post on ao3 but I decided to start posting my works on here? i’m kind of new to this lmao sorry 

read it on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13079523

and leave a comment or just enjoy here!

.

.

It's like Bucky is seeing him for the first time, like he's falling in love all over again.

"Stevie," he croaks out. There are tears in his eyes.

.......

He remembers the time Steve and him had first met. He'd seen the blue eyed boy sitting in the grass, glowing like an angel. He had talked to Steve that day. Found out it was the first time in weeks he had been allowed outside. Bucky had flashed him a boyish grin, telling Steve he was glad that he was better now, and that they were best friends.

He remembers the time he'd first saved Steve from being beaten to death. It was after school in their 6th grade year. Steve had told some fellas to stop picking on a little 4th grader, so they beat up on him instead. There was blood coming from his lip and his nose and his eye was swollen shut, but he looked just as angelic as the first day they'd met.

He remembers the first time Steve had gotten sick- real sick. It was in the 4th grade, during winter. He'd gotten something called pneumonia. He was in bed for weeks- so sick he couldn't even stay awake. He was really sweaty, too. Bucky had been there. Every day. Even fell asleep a couple times when Steve got so bad he couldn't breathe and needed to use his inhaler. Especially when Sara had to work nights. When Steve had woken up, Buck was there. "Bucky? You stayed?" Steve's voice was raspy and cracky. "Till the end of the line, Stevie." There was a ghost of a smile on both of their faces. "Till the end of the line."

He remembers the night Sara had died. Steve was a mess. There were tears on his face, but he wasn’t moving. Looked like he wasn’t even breathing. He stayed like this for hours until he snapped, throwing and kicking shit and screaming until he couldn’t breathe. Bucky was there to hold the inhaler to his lips and stroke his face.

“It’ll be okay, Stevie. I gotcha. Sleep.” His best friend slept with tear stains on his cheeks that night. Bucky wiped them away, his body intertwined with Steve’s.

He remembers the first time they’d held hands. They had been at the water all day, summer heat finally getting to it’s humid parts. The sun was setting on the walk home, and they decided to take the back way. Steve had looked over at him and smiled, before looking both ways up and down the street, grabbing Bucky’s hand. Somehow, they’re able to make it all the way home without having to part hands, sharing shy glances. It's the first time Bucky's ever been nervous. Steve Rogers was the one to do it. They were 13.

He remembers their first kiss, just some days after they first held hands. They were at the water again, but relaxing in the cool shade of a tree, where no one else could see them. Their hands were intertwined and no words were spoken until Steve had turned on his side and analyzed Bucky's face.

"You're the prettiest boy I've ever met, Buck." Bucky could feel his face turn a deep pink, and felt Steve lips pressed on his own. It wasn't a pretty kiss, just lips pushing on one another. Steve pulled back and smiled at his friend before laying back down, looking at the sky.

He remembers their first fight. Bucky had been out with some dame, dressed up and ready to dance. 5th time this week, and it was Friday. He'd barely been home. Doesn't remember why he didn't come home to Steve, god knows he would've loved it. Maybe the fellas were making assumptions about him and Steve's relationship again. Maybe he'd been mad. He doesn't know. He knows that when he got home, Steve had been angry. Jealous.

"What the fuck, Barnes?" Steve wasn't yelling, but his voice was loud-powerful.

"Whatdya mea, "What the fuck" Stevie? I was jus havin a good time." Okay, he was a little drunk.

"Yeah, with every dame in Brooklyn. If you want to screw them all, Buck, then stop crawling in my bed at night. I'm tired of it." There were tears in Steve's eyes, and his voice grew more quiet as he continued to speak, "I know you have to go and make sure no one knows you're gay, but this hurts me."

Bucky remembers not going out for all the next week, and hardly at all after, mostly double dates with Steve.

He remembers when he found out he was being shipped out. He tried telling them he had to stay, that he was a caretaker to his friend who was too sick to live on his own, but they wouldn't listen. So he grinned when he'd told Steve, acted like it wouldn't hurt him at all. He tries to ignore Steve's face, like someone had just ripped out his heart and then punched him in the nose. He felt the same. They spent the day together at home, with Steve drawing Bucky. At the end of the night, when they were both cuddled into each other, Bucky spoke.

"Stevie, I know you're worried, but I'm coming back home to you." He felt Steve's head burrow further into his chest.

"Buck. Please don't die." Bucky felt warm tears on his chest.

"Nah, Rogers. I'm with you till the end of the line." Steve chuckled.

"Till the end of the line."

He took a picture of Steve on a polaroid, to keep in his cap while he was away. His boy was so beautiful.

He remembers when he'd seen Steve as Captain America, looking 10x bigger than he did in Brooklyn. Remembers wanting to beat the shit out of him because, what the fuck did he tell Steve? Not to get into trouble. What did Steve do? Got into trouble. He had been scared- maybe the serum had changed his boy. Made him different. When he looked in his eyes, all doubt fell away. Steve was still his Stevie. His blue eyed angel.

He remembers the first time Steve and him fucked with Bucky on bottom. They had never gone all the way before, Bucky too worried for Steve’s health. Now? Steve was Captain America, and Bucky wanted it up the ass. It had been rough to start- animalistic. They were both much too eager to start it slow, but when Steve put more then two fingers in him, the movements became gentle.

“You ready for me, Barnes?”

“Yes, captain.”

So Steve fucked Bucky that night, slow and hard. Made sure to draw out Bucky’s orgasm, fingers in the bottom’s mouth when he could no longer keep quiet. Moaning when Bucky came around him, clenching and whimpering Steve’s name.

Steve made sure to cum in Bucky, making him hold it all in there, and calling him a good boy after.

He remembers asking Steve to marry him- after the war. Before they’re on the train. He knows he wants to spend his days with Steve. All of them. Till the end of the line, right? Sure, gay marriage isn’t legal now, but maybe soon. If not, him and Steve will just be together. For the rest of their days.

Steve says yes, tears in his eyes. He kisses Bucky like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do- and funnily enough it kind of is.

He last thing he remembers falling from the train car. Steve’s face. His scream. He’s falling and he can’t stop it. He won’t make it. So he chooses to remember Steve, who’s always been there. His best pal. Till the end of the line.

“Stevie,” he croaks out. There are tears in his eyes.

He hits the ground.

[liaragaming]

Roleplayer

Modern AU where Solas and Lavellan are grad students who get pulled into Varric's tabletop roleplay campaign in which they play themselves from Dragon Age: Inquisition. Fluff, angst, and meta ensues.

If you’ve enjoyed Solas Romance D&D, it’s a fanfic now.

Fanfiction.net ArchiveOfOurOwn [Ch 2]

If her tall beautiful ears don't give her away, the vallaslin on her face certainly does: elven, Dalish.

Her chocolate eyes meet his, and she waves at him from the checkout line. He smiles and joins her, blocking out the stares and whispers from the humans around them. Perhaps it was naive of him to think after their first term at the University of Orlais the humans would have gotten over the token elves.

She gives him an enthusiastic one-armed hug. “It's so good to finally be meeting you properly.”

“It is,” he agrees as he pulls back. “Strange we haven't done so before now.”

“We've passed each other enough times in the Magical Studies building, you'd think we would have.”

They move up in the line and place their orders at the campus bagel sandwich restaurant. She orders something with turkey and pesto on an everything bagel. He goes for smoked salmon on pumpernickel.

“So how do you know Varric?” she asks as they wait.

“We were sponsored together. Dr Pentaghast scheduled our campus visits on the same day to lighten her schedule.”

She gives a laugh. “That sounds like her.”

He hesitates for a moment, not wanting to come off crass. “I heard your application was accepted late.”

She shakes her head. “No, my application was sent on time. I just couldn't choose an area of study. That's why my sponsorship was late.”

He cocks his head. “What were you having trouble deciding between?”

She drops her gaze to the floor. “Oh… so much...”

Their orders are ready. They take their wrapped sandwiches to a tall table where they sit and eat.

“I really was interested,” he tells her.

She chews slowly, like she isn't certain if she should share. “Well… I'm interested in magical practices with origins that have been attributed elsewhere but which certain evidence suggest may have originated with elves.”

“A worthy pursuit,” he says, hoping his approval comes through in his voice. “Difficult to research, I'd imagine.”

She nods. “Especially when so much of our history has been lost.” She glances around to make sure no one's eaves dropping on them and leans toward him so she can drop her voice. “And we have to rely on what was recorded by human historians.”

He nods. He's well aware of the struggle. “So what specific area did you choose?”

“Chantry magical practices.”

His eyebrows shoot upward. “Quite controversial.”

“Yeah,” she says. “I imagine that's why I was chosen over other applicants. Dr Pentaghast liked the idea, said that we must pursue the truth no matter how unpopular.” She sighs. “But it hasn't been easy to research. I may have to change my thesis.”

“I wish I could help,” he says.

“What about you?” she asks. “What are you studying?”

“The veil and it's disruptive properties in regards to harmonic vibrations.”

She blinks and stares at him. “You mean… what does that mean?”

“I mean, both reality and the fade contain harmonic properties and the veil acts as a sound barrier between the two.”

“Interesting.” She continues to stare at him, then shakes her head. “I've never head of such a thing.”

“It's a personal theory.”

“Have you… had much success in researching?”

“Some. Not as much as I would prefer.” He looks down at his watch. “We should probably start walking.”

They throw their sandwich wrappers away and leave the building to head down the campus sidewalks toward the university apartments. They each carry a coffee cup in their hand.

“How did you meet Varric?” Solas asks.

She laughs. “He came up to me my first day, said he wanted to meet the 'other elf,' and then… I don't know. He just kept talking, and… at some point we were friends.”

Solas chuckles. “That is how Varric makes most of his friends, I imagine.”

“So why did you agree to this whole… romance campaign?”

“I owe Varric a favor. You?”

“He's my friend,” she says. “I figured it didn't hurt to help him with his thesis, especially when I'm getting nowhere with mine.” She sighs.

He stares at her. There's a soft beauty to the way her dark hair lays against her olive skin. All those days passing her in the hall… He's not sure when exactly he started seeing past the vallaslin or what had made him want to get to know her. And then he'd felt like too much of an awkward idiot to finally say hello after he'd put it off for so long.

She notices him looking at her, and he averts his eyes.

“You know,” she says, “You can tell a lot about a person by the type of coffee they drink.”

He laughs. “Oh, really? And have you learned this from personal observation or an infograph on the internet?”

“A bit of both,” she admits. “One can use the infograph as a base and draw one's own conclusions.”

“Very well, I'm intrigued. What does your coffee of choice say about you?”

“It's espresso,” she tells him. “It means I'm friendly, adaptive, and I like the taste of coffee.”

“I see.” He studies her with his eyes. “The Dalish don't make coffee, which means you've picked up a taste for it during your studies. Adaptive indeed.”

“And what did you order?” she asks.

He smiles. “It's hot chocolate.”

She laughs.

“So what do your keen observational skills have to say about my drink of choice?”

She ponders for a moment. “You like what you like and don't apologize for it. And you… take joy in the simple things others may overlook… And you don't like the taste of coffee. Does that sound accurate?”

It does, actually. “I...” He slows in his walk until coming to a stop. She stops with him, and he shakes his head. “You are not what I expected.”

Her lips twitch into a smile. “What did you expect?”

“I've…” He looks away from her, hoping this won't come out as bad as it sounds in his mind. “Not had the most pleasant encounters with the Dalish.”

Her smile drops, and his heart falls into his stomach. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I didn't mean to offend,” he tires. “I just… most Dalish would not have left their clans to study at university, for example.”

The hurt dies from her eyes, but she chews on her lip. “That is… true.” Then she looks at him directly, her face full of determination. “I choose to pursue an education because… because if you don't widen your horizon beyond your personal zone of knowledge, how can you ever learn anything new?”

He is stunned, both by her admission and by her offense. “That is a rare view among most of Thedas,” he tells her. “Let alone the Dalish.”

She puts a hand on her hip. “Have my people wronged you in some way?”

“I offered to share knowledge. They were not very welcoming.”

“We take our duty to preserving the ancient ways very seriously.”

“So I gathered.”

She cocks her head. “What knowledge were you wishing to share?”

“Ancient secrets I have discovered in the Fade.”

She nearly drops her coffee twice, fumbling to keep her grip on it. She stares at him with wide eyes. “You're… you're a dreamer.”

He can only smile at her.

She bows her head. “I… mistook you for an…” She mumbles the last part. “Ignorant city elf.”

He gives a laugh. “Now that we've identified our prejudices, shall we start over?”

She lifts her head. “Yes, please.”

He holds out his hand. “Solas.”

“Mithra.”

They shake hands, and he holds hers for a moment as he translates her name. “Sharp as cutting edge.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Pride.”

They stare at each other for a moment, then let go and carry on toward Varric's.

Solas knocks on the door, and Varric answers.

“H-hey! The party's here!” He steps aside to let them in.

The front door opens into a hall, which leads passed the kitchen and into the dinning and living area. Varric's most likely the only person with enough influence and money to live on campus without a roommate. Solas has no idea what he does with the unoccupied bedroom, if he utilizes it at all.

“I want to thank you both again for agreeing to do this,” Varric says as they take a seat at the table.

“Your Chair actually recommended this?” Mithra asks.

Varric shrugs. “What could provide a better example than in-person roleplay? And by running the campaign, I have an objective view and can take notes on what works and what doesn't.”

“Why bother revising Swords & Shields?” asks Solas. “Why not just write new stories?”

Varric glares at him. “Publishing is all about sales, my friend. And if my publisher wants proof I can sell more romance, then by the Maker, I'm going to sell more romance.”

Varric claps his hands together as they pull out their character sheets. “So why don't you introduce your characters to each other?”

Mithra goes first. “Ellana is Dalish. Her clan is friendly with humans, and she comes near the conclave to hear about the outcome and determine how it may effect her people.”

“Fen is a Dreamer hedgemage,” Solas explains. “He approaches the conclave also in the hopes of hearing news.”

“Okay,” says Varric. “You both went a little more literal when I suggested you base your characters off yourselves, but that's fine. I can work with that.”

The campaign starts off as expected, battling demons and closing rifts. But Varric quickly steers the campaign into developing the relationship between their characters.

“You change everything.”

Mithra smiles at him.

“Roll a will save not to kiss her,” says Varric.

Solas rolls the die, and it comes up with a 20.

“You are totally safe from kissing her.”

Solas leans back and puts his hands behind his head.

Across the table from him, the corner of Mithra's mouth curves into a smirk.

She turns to Varric. “I kiss him.”

“Okay. Solas, roll another will save.”

He rolls, and the die shows 1. Varric laughs.

“What does that mean?”

“It means, Chuckles, not only do you fail at not kissing her, you spectacularly fail.”

“So…?”

“So what else does Fen want to do besides kiss her?”

He glances at Mithra who raises her eyebrows. Her smile spreads.

He adverts his gaze. “I, uh, he… I guess… pulls her close so their hips come together.”

Varric raises an eyebrow. “Anything else?”

He can't look at Mithra at all. “And… slides his thigh between her legs.”

Mithra laughs. Solas shields his face with his hand in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

“And how does Ellana feel about this?”

“She's surprised… pleasantly.”

Solas chokes and tries to make it sound like a cough.

“Okay,” says Varric. “I think you two have given me plenty of material.”

Solas peeks between his fingers. He hopes he hasn't turned red; Mithra's gone pink in her cheeks.

“Varric, can I use your bathroom?” she asks.

He points down the hall. “First door on your right.”

She leaves. Solas lets out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and lowers his hand.

“Smooth,” says Varric.

“You kind of put me on the spot.”

Varric holds up his hands. “That's the way the dice roll, Chuckles.” He breaks down his game master screen and puts his dice away. “And if you don't mind my saying, there's clearly some chemistry going on, and it's not all one-sided.”

“You actually think so?”

Varric stares at him. “Just buy the girl dinner and take her out to a movie like a normal person.”

“It's not that simple,” Solas tells him.

“Of course it's not. Asking someone out is never simple. You just do it.”

“I'll think about it.”

Varric groans. “Look, I see where you're coming from with your character. And that's good storytelling, increases the tension. But it's not like you're actually Fen'Harel and you have some sacred duty you're hiding from everyone.”

Solas gives a laugh. “Hardly.”

“Then what is your problem?”

“A mystery for the ages,” Solas mutters.

“What?”

“Just something my roommate says.”

Varric points a pencil at him. “Listen, I had a roommate in undergrad – another broody elf like yourself – and it took him three damn years to go after the girl. Don't do that, okay? I don't feel like reliving it.”

Solas stands. “Good thing for you grad school takes less years.” He doesn't stay to catch Varric's reaction.

He and Mithra walk together from Varric's, back down the campus sidewalks. Dusk has fallen.

“So, Fen'Harel, huh?”

Solas sucks in a breath. Did she overhear his and Varric's entire conversation?

“Varric told me your character's backstory,” she explains. “He wanted to make sure I wouldn't be offended.”

“Oh.” He lets the breath out slowly. “Good, uh, are you? Okay with it, I mean.”

She shrugs. “It's an interesting concept. Why Fen'Harel, though?”

“Just some remnants I found in the Fade. I'm inclined to believe in ancient times harel meant rebel, not traitor.”

“Really?”

“Just from my own observations. I'm afraid I'm not a linguist.”

She stops walking. “So, you're saying, Fen'harel's story – the real one, the one the Dalish know – might be different?”

“Maybe?” He shrugs. “The thought was intriguing enough to inspire the character, but as far historical accuracy, I'm afraid...”

She stares at him for several seconds.

“Is something wrong, Lethallan?”

She shakes her head, more to pull herself out of her trance than in answer. “It's just… your dreaming, everything you must have seen... Were my people really so uninterested in sharing knowledge?” Her eyebrows are drawn together, her lips down turned, confused, distraught.

“Well.” He takes a step forward, encouraging her to follow. “Think of it this way. Here you are at university. You've come to discover new knowledge. Naturally, you'd be more open minded. Whereas I approached the Dalish in the woods where they are notoriously suspicious of outsiders. And as at first glance I appear to be nothing more than an ignorant city elf–”

“I really didn't–”

“I used your term only to clarify the situation, nothing more.”

She stops walking again, her gaze on the ground.

“I would not dwell on it,” he tells her. “For everything I've faulted the Dalish for, you are here.”

She looks up at him, her eyes shinning.

“It has been a long time since anyone cared to listen.”

She smiles, then steps forward and takes his arm. “I would love to hear about everything you've seen in the Fade.”

He laughs. “I'm afraid that would take more time than we have to reach the parking lot. But if you can think of something specific...”

She doesn't say anything, not for a while.

“Have you... done that before?”

He has no idea what she's talking about. “Done what?”

“The whole thigh riding thing.”

He chokes on his own saliva, disentangles himself from her, and dissolves into a fit of coughing. Her laughter fills his ears.

“You don't have to answer that,” she tells him once he's able to properly draw air into his lungs.

If he wasn't red before, he's sure he is now. He runs a hand over his face and around to the back of his neck. “I... uh...”

She clasps his arm again. “You don't have to answer.” He's not sure by her tone if she doesn't want to know or if she's trying to save face on his behalf.

But she doesn't let go of his arm until they reach her car, and he's fine with that.

[queercapwriting]

Could you maybe write a fic about Alex failing at something important? I've been failing at literally everything these past months (mostly school) and now everyone looks down on me like I'm some lost cause. It'd just be nice to see the same situation play out differently. Alex has people who'd still support her even if she screwed up.That'd be nice to read. But I know you're busy and there are a lot more fun prompts to write, so it's okay if you don't do this one. thanks for everything anyway :)

Her baby sister needs her.

Her baby sister needs her, needs her to synthesize an antidote to the venom Cadmus pumped into her veins, the venom that sent her crashing out of the sky, that nearly broke her back in the fall, that left her unable to breathe without a respirator and that left her vital signs falling, falling, falling.

Her baby sister needs her, and she’s working as fast as she can, she’s drawing on everything she every learned in school, on the job, in the field, pouring over her mother’s dissertation drafts in the middle of the night as a teenager. She’s drawing on everything she has, and Kara is still dying.

She’s still dying, she’s still fading, and Alex’s hands are shaking, and she’s snapping at Winn, and she’s yelling at Maggie, and she’s glowering at J’onn when he takes her gently by the shoulders and reminds her that Supergirl needs Dr. Danvers right now, not her sister, and she’s failing, failing, failing.

Kara’s going to die, and it’s going to be her fault, her fault, her fault.

“You can do this, Alex, you just need to breathe,” Maggie’s reminding her, and then she’s leaving the lab with a steely, hurt look in her eyes because Alex doesn’t need to be reminded to breathe, my sister can’t breathe, she can’t breathe and I can’t figure it out, I can’t get this to work, I can’t do it, I’m out of ideas, and she’s going to die, so I can’t just relax and breathe, don’t you understand that?

But Maggie comes back a half hour later, and her hair is wind swept because she’s been running, running, running.

“Alex,” she says, and Alex doesn’t turn around because Alex is trying something else, another chemical combination, that is sure to fail, fail, fail.

“Kara just needs to breathe.”

There’s something in Maggie’s tone that makes her look up, that makes her stop, that makes her hope.

Maggie slips over to Kara’s bed, container of gas in hand, and she floods it into Kara’s oxygen mask.

Within moments, Kara coughs and Kara sits up and Kara, Kara, Kara, Kara is going to be just fine.

She doesn’t hear Maggie’s explanation about how their fight about breathing made her think of Kryptonian atmospheric conditions, doesn’t hear Maggie’s explanation about leeching out poison through the lungs, doesn’t hear any of it because she should have come up with it, she should have known, she should have thought of something so obvious, and she failed, she failed, she failed.

She failed and her sister almost died.

She’s home with a fresh bottle of bourbon that night, home and quarter way through the bottle when there’s a knock at her door.

“Alex, babe, come on, I know you’re home.” Maggie’s voice.

She responds by taking another drink.

“Agent Danvers, you realize I can just phase through this door, don’t you?”

She furrows her brow, because what the hell is J’onn doing here?

“Alex, come on, we brought pizza.” James.

“Yeah, at great risk to our health and well-being, since you’re probably in one of those moods where you’ll threaten me with your index finger. Again.” Winn.

Her window rattles and Kara is flying from her living room to her front door, opening it for the others before Alex can even stand up.

“Alex,” Maggie is in the door first, concern and love, love, just unfiltered love, written all over her face. She rushes across the room, kneels in front of her girlfriend, pries the bottle gently from Alex’s fingers, kisses the tears gently from her face, until Alex pulls back, until Alex stands up, until Alex shifts away, away, reaching again for her bottle, for her comfort, for her solace, because she failed, failed, failed.

And she doesn’t deserve the compassion on these people’s faces, she doesn’t deserve the love in their eyes or the pizza in their hands or the openness of their stances.

Them. She just doesn’t deserve them.

“I yelled at you,” she tells Maggie, her voice ragged with worthlessness and her voice ragged with liquor. “I yelled at you, you’re my girlfriend and I yelled at you, and you’re over here trying to make me feel better? And Winn, I snapped at you, and J’onn, I threatened your agents when I found out who was with Kara when she got shot, and James, James, god, I completely ignored you, Kara’s your best friend and you were terrified and I was so selfish, and Kara, if Maggie hadn’t had her brain on right I would have killed you, you would have died, and it would have been my fault, I failed you, Kara, so just leave me alone, all of you, please, because I – “

But Kara’s arms are wrapped around her body and Alex is tense and Alex is resisting but Kara is stronger and Kara knows and she waits and she waits and she’s right, because Alex breaks, breaks, and lets herself collapse into Kara’s arms, grabbing desperately at her like she’ll fade away if Alex lets go even for a moment, even for an instant. Kara pulls her gently back to the couch, and Maggie sits on her other side, and Winn kneels in front of her with one hand over his mouth and his other on James’s knee next to him, and J’onn stands back and hugs himself with his arms across his chest because his little girl is in pain and all he wants is to let her feel what he does, let her believe in herself like he believes in her, because that is what she deserves.

“Alex, the stuff Maggie gave Kara wouldn’t have worked if your antidotes didn’t keep her alive as long as they did. You helped, Alex, you did.”

“But I didn’t bring her back, Winn, I was so stupid, I couldn’t see what was right in front of me, I couldn’t figure it out – “

“Al, that’s why you have people. That’s why you have a team, that’s why you have me. You don’t have to save everyone alone, Alex, you… look around you, babe. All these people, your friends – well, your family, really, right? – they all love you, Alex, even when – especially when – you can’t do something on your own. That’s what we’re for. That’s what people who love you are for.”

Kara is beaming at Maggie and James and Winn are exchanging grins and J’onn has never found his feet quite so interesting to stare at.

Alex sniffs and Alex wipes her eyes with the back of her index finger and Alex turns to look Maggie full in the face.

“People who love me.”

Maggie bites her lip and takes a deep breath and Maggie nods.

“And that… includes you.”

“I’m here, aren’t I, Danvers?”

“You love me, Maggie?” Her voice is shattered and her voice is hope and her voice is redemption and her voice is the possibility of self-forgiveness and maybe, just maybe, self-love.

“Yeah, Alex. Yeah, I do.”

Kara barely suppresses an awwwwww and James and Winn hit each other’s arms and J’onn smiles at his feet.

“Even though I’m a failure.”

“You’re not a failure, babe. You’re not. You’re the farthest thing from it, babygirl. You’re perfect.”

“Maggie’s right, Alex. You’ve saved all of us before. None of us would be here without you. And even if that wasn’t true, Alex, you’re worth more than the number of saves under your belt. You’re amazing, Alex, just because you’re you. You’re my superhero. Always have been, always will be. Okay?”

Alex leans into Kara’s open arms and breathes, truly breathes, for the first time in hours, because Kara’s heartbeat is steady under hers, and she’s surrounded by the people she loves and apparently they love her too – apparently Maggie loves her too – and suddenly, she wants only one thing.

“You guys said you brought pizza, right?”

Maggie’s dimples shine and James laughs and Winn holds out the boxes of pizza with a bowed head like he’s offering riches to a queen.

And he feels like he is, because damn, it doesn’t get more fairy tale happy ending than the best pizza in National City with your family.