#please if anyone has any advice I really need it rn
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goopy-nightmares · 1 month ago
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Hey other folks with weird food cravings and shit bc of your alterhumanity
How the hell do you deal with it????
Cause I’m REALLY wanting oil and metal rn but human bodies can’t exactly injest that and I have no idea what an alternative would be to satisfy it cause normal human food is not cutting it-
Chocolate’s the closest thing I’ve found to how I remember drone oil tasting but even then it’s still not right and I am not doing well rn I’m so hungry hrrrnnnnnnn-
-☠️Uzi/Z (She/Glitch)
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lukeywritesstuff · 1 year ago
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Reader has a pregnancy scare over the summer at the lake house and dosent tell Jack at first so he gets mad. He doesn’t really want a child rn but ends up accepting that they will have a baby. But it’s just a scare so their are not going to actually be parents
baby? no baby.
jack hughes x reader
warning: angst, yelling, pregnancy scare, mentions of abortion, punching (m on m), vomit, swearing and suggestive sexual content (no actual smut)
note: i’m not from the states so all timing for drives and flights and stuff are made up because i’ve been trying to research how far detroit airport is from bloomington AND NO BLOOMINGTON IS COMING UP ON MAPS. i actually went a bit crazy writing this because of that. ALSO this is the first fic i’ve written in a couple years that isn’t a joke so please bear with me because it’s not perfect at all.
lowercase intended
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this past week has been a nightmare, from waking up at 6:30 in the morning to throw up, to dealing with motion sickness on an airplane and dealing with my boyfriends absolute bullshit.
let’s start from the beginning: wednesday july 12th, the day i started feeling ill. it was around 5:30 in the morning the first time i threw up. that day i thought it was a bug so i didn’t think much of it. but it kept happening all week, and this freaked me out because i knew i was leaving for michigan on monday to visit my boyfriend jack and his family.
monday couldn’t have come any slower, knowing i needed to talk to ellen before anyone else, i was hoping for the day to come faster. she’d be the only one i can ask about what’s going on with me as i haven’t seen my own family since august of last year since i moved to jersey for college.
the flight was terrible but short, it didn’t help my nausea at all, specially with the turbulence, jack was late to pick me up because he left his phone at the house when he went boating with his brothers so i had to sit around the airport for a few hours. i’m not even gonna think about uber either cuz i’d rather get crushed by a plane than sit for hours in an uber with a complete stranger.
ok getting off topic here, we’ll we got to the lake house after a very uneventful and quiet drive from the airport. ellen was finishing up dinner and luke, quinn and jim were playing basketball in the driveway, which quickly came to a stop as jack pulled up smashing the horn causing quinn to (jokingly) throw the ball at the car. (it did not break at all.)
i settled in to jacks room and we ate dinner, we talked about the boys hockey and training and my school and what i’m doing after i graduate next year. jokes were cracked and it was fun, i actually forgot about jack being a bit of a dick for a good hour and a half. after i stayed in the kitchen with ellen to help clean up, jack and luke ran to the x-box in the other room probably to play fortnite.
‘el, this past week i’ve been feeling quite nauseous this past week and i was wondering if i should worry about it. knowing you’ve been pregnant a few times, i felt it was best to ask you for advice on the situation.’ i said to my boyfriends mother.
‘well if it goes on for a few more days i’d consider going to a doctor, but for now you can go to the pharmacy just down the street and try a rest or 2 if you wanna have an idea quicker.’ she said and i nodded.
‘wait you’re pregnant?’ i hear from by the counter. quinn. he heard.
‘i’m not sure. i was just about to go to the pharmacy to get a test’ i told him.
‘i’ll drive i want some gato and fuckass jack frank the last one.’ he said and i nodded.
we went to the pharmacy and got 2 tests (and a shit ton of blue gato for quinn) and we went back to the house. i went to the bathroom in ellen’s room to take them since she wants to be there for me and honestly i’m glad i did. she’s been so supportive even if it might just be a scare.
the tests came out positive. i broke down in tears and went out to ellen.
‘positive, i’m pregnant. and i’m only 21’ i said.
‘oh sweetie. it’s all gonna be okay. you’re gonna be a great mom and jacks gonna be a great dad.’ ellen said embracing me.
‘so she’s pregnant?’ quinn asked from the door. i just nod my head at him.
suddenly i hear from the hallway ‘who’s pregnant?’ and ‘is it mom? i think i’m a bit too old to be an older brother’ and then a little ‘ow’ after.
then quinn had to open his big ass mouth and say ‘no. it’s y/n. she’s pregnant.’
‘what?!’ jack yelled. ‘and you fucker knew before me? you fucking asshole!’ i heard before i see jack coke into the room angrily to punch his older brother in the face.
‘jack get off!’ i yelled pulling him.
‘i cant believe you told quinn before me! have him father your fucking kid. i don’t want it. i don’t want kids at all. specially right now. i’m at my prime right now! i don’t need a fucking baby ruining it all for me! get out of my house that’s not my kid! and if it is fucking abort it!’ he yelled while crying making me cry even more.
right after luke dragged him to his room and i can hear yelling between them as quinn and ellen comforted me in the master bedroom. todays been a lot for me so i eventually pass out in my boyfriend(?)’s parents room with his mother stroking my hair.
on wednesday, exactly a week after i started having my nausea i decided to visit a doctor to get the baby and i checked out. i haven’t talked to jack since he yelled at me so i go with ellen.
‘okay so it seems like you’re not actually pregnant and the test you took was wrong.‘ the doctor said to me.
honestly i have no idea if i’m relieved or sad. i was honestly quite happy to potentially be having a baby, even if jack was being a huge JACKass about it.
we got home and i saw jack sitting on the porch with a bouquet of flowers.
‘baby, i’ve thought everything over these past few days, and i’m actually excited to have a baby! with you! i apologize for everything i said, but it just hurt knowing quinn found out before me, because i am the dad. but now i am excited for this baby and this new chapter of our lives!’ he said smiling at the end.
‘jack, it was a scare. there’s no pregnancy. i’ve just been having a stomach bug the doctor told me. the tests were wrong too. i’m sorry.’ i said frowning.
‘oh. well i guess that means we just go upstairs and start actually making a baby, because i kinda want one now!’ jack said before pulling me in the house.
once we got up to the bedroom i hear ellen ushering everyone out, probably to spare themselves from having to hear whatever we’re getting up to upstairs.
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algea · 4 months ago
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heyyy guys, i know i’ve been off and on tumblr pretty bad rn, but i’m here to say that i’ll (as much as i can) be pretty active
basically i got in a relationship and i really loved the guy and devoted all my time to him for the past like 5 months and ended up getting my heart broken! still pretty upset rn and i really appreciate everyone who has reached out and asked about Ghoul School, or any of my James or Lars content, i promise i will release them as soon as i finish them.
Love you guys,
Algea
p.s. If anyone has any advice on dealing with heartbreak please dm me because i really need it 🩷
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taones · 2 years ago
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hii! sorry, was just wondering if i could request head canons/scenarios of how suna, tendou, and sakusa would comfort their s/o who’s been feeling down and avoiding others because they feel like a burden (i’m just rlly going through it rn 🥲)
Comforting You - S.R + T.S
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sorry that you're having such a hard time sweetpea! I'm going to leave Sakusa out these purely bc it's been ages since I've watched his scenes ●~● not edited bc I can't be bothered
warnings - hurt/comfort, nothing not mentioned in the request ●³●
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Suna
I honestly thing he wouldn't have a clue what to do at the beginning of your relationship
depending on how long you had been dating, I think he would eventually get the hang of it
but even then, he definitely prefers to comfort you quietly, more of an observe and act rather than an act straight away
however - I think this is extremely comforting when you're crying
Sunarin can really be the softest, warmest person to snuggle up to and when he snuggles he goes hard
brings your double duvet into the living room, wraps you in it like a burrito and holds you in his arms for as long as you need
absolutely more of a listener than an advice giver but will murmur comforting words into your hairline while you're snuggled on him
especially if you open up to him about feeling like you're a burden
he gets this little knitted brow-frowny face and sits up so he's facing you, holds your hands in his and says, in the most sincere voice you've ever heard from him that you could never be a burden and never will be
and that you're the only person he can even stand to be around for that long amount of time, you're so important to him and he would look so stricken then you even think that about yourself PLSSS
late night drives are his thing, especially if you just need to scream out some lyrics of the songs you like to feel better
will take you to get whatever junk food you want and sit with you all night until he sees a smile on your face again
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Tendou
oh please he is the king of comfort, he knows exactly how you're feeling without you ever having to say a word- he's just that in tune with your emotions
plus he's very experienced in feeling unwelcomed or like a burden to people, that's something he's worked through by himself and he's not going to let you be without a support system during this time
Satori is ON it immediately, has the best coping mechanisms and little self worth affirmations to tech you
but he knows, as much as those work, the best thing you need in that moment is comfort and reassurance
he obviously tries to spend some quality time with you, have some skincare/self care ngihts with you
but he also has a serious sit down talk with you about how you're feeling and how he can help
even if you're not overly sure how he can help - this will at least give him some insight so he can take a guess
so so so reassuring about what you mean to him and how much he loves being around you - you could never be a burden to him or anyone else because you simply make people around you so happy
starts leaving little post-it notes around the house in places he knows you'll see them
packing them in your lunch every day so you never forget how much you mean to him
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ahh again, sorry I didn't include Sakusa, it's been ages since I've rewatched haikyuu so I don't think I could do his characterisation any justice, I'll put it on the back-burner for now and get to it as soon as I can <3 loves ya
reblogs and comments are appreciated <3
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kisskisskys · 9 months ago
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Hey, hope you’re doing better… time will make things better, believe me. Just here to give some advice ig, I don’t if it’ll be useful or not, but here I go.
First of all, you are not a bad person. You couldn’t know he was an abuser at all, none of us could… Even if there were signs or not; abusers tend to be good at hiding them… Also we never really know a content creator/celebrity/influencer/etc. We just don’t. The person who they show us can be just a part of them or a completely made up “show” persona. So, it’s not your fault for not knowing and admiring/loving him while you didn’t know. You did nothing wrong at all.
Now that you know, you can do smth abt it. If you want you can give away stuff you have of him (like merch) or use it in privately (as to not show any more support for him). Please don’t burn stuff or throw it away in the trash just to make a point; it really helps no one, you’ve already payed for it, you can’t take the money back, so better give it another use—reuse, reduce and recycle pretty much.
This will be controversial, but you aren’t a bad person for liking something that was made by a bad person. I know this is the “separate the art from the artist” conversation… but just here me out: sometimes I think it’s really not the sin everyone is making it out to be, as long as you try not to support the “artist” (content creator and his music in this case) any longer and acknowledge that the artist is bad, I think you are okay.
You aren’t tainted, bad or somehow it means you are an apologist. It really doesn’t. Just be cautious with it; not saying this like in a “hide that you like him so ppl don’t realize you like him and so /know/ or think you are bad person”, but more in the “some people might be triggered by him and because of what was reveled it’s probably best to try not to support him anymore”.
Support always meaning giving him more money, expanding his voice, introducing more ppl to him and his music, etc.
That said. You can still listen to his music if you want. Again, it’s not a sin or reflection of who you are; it doesn’t make you bad by association or bad at all. Just try to listen it in other ways to not give him any more money or any more of a platform.
You could listen to his music on ytb, many channels have uploaded his stuff and since they are not official acc’s I don’t think he gets any money from it. You could download his music and listen to it outside Spotify or whatever; you can do so from ytb with YouTube Convertors :) You could also listen him from SoundCloud, just make sure the /file/ you listening wasn’t uploaded by the official band (if they even have a SoundCloud acc?).
I wanna add. Just like this could be a “separate the art from the artist” conversation, ig it could also be a “death of the author” one. You are free to take whatever you want from his art, it is yours now and having that doesn’t make you bad because he is bad. Doesn’t really work like that.
Lastly I guess, it takes time to grow out of an attachment to someone. So please give yourself time, be kind to yourself… It will happen eventually, believe me.
In the meanwhile, specially if you feel too guilty about listening to him or watching his content, you can look for alternatives. There’s plenty of recommendations going around rn, both for similar music and streamers to listen/watch instead; so you could look into those. Yk what they say: nothing like a new hyperfixation to replace another B) haha Idk if anyone has ever said that but sometimes it works like that.
Hope you feel better soon. I do. Hope you get to forgive yourself if you need to? I don’t think you did anything bad, but sometimes we feel like we did regardless… so I hope you found forgiveness if you need it. Remember to be kind to yourself and give it time.
Best of luck. Sending good vibes to you too 🌟✨💫🌸🌻🌱
Thanks so much Anon, that is actually really helpful advice. Luckily, I have other content creators, it’s just hard to go from being obsessed and worshipping him to crying in bed because he is a bad person. I don’t have any merch, but I wanted the records for record day, but I kinda didn’t think it was a good idea anymore… At first, I was trying to distance myself, ignore it cause it hurt to much to think. What I was doing yesterday was keeping myself constantly busy so I didn’t get the chance to think at all. Now I’m kinda accepting it and a little step forward I’ve seen myself take is instead ignoring videos bashing Wilbur on TikTok, I watch them and not avoid them. It’s baby steps but it’s something. I used to use YCGMA to fall asleep, but stopped two nights ago coincidentally, I haven’t dreamed, or haven’t had as vivid of dreams that I’m used to. I basically conditioned myself to be obsessed with him, and not I need unconditioned myself.
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britishcandybracelets · 4 months ago
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so.. I’m sick👍
I’ve not been physically well for months now like I’m not sick sick but I’m not well at all. That’s partly why I haven’t been posting daily but today I have one hell of a migraine and it’s not very preppy. I’m also so annoyed because because of this, I’ve been regressing younger and more often and I DONT HAVE ANY GEAR :(. I need to ask my mum if I can get some but im low-key terrified to so if anyone has any advice regarding that please do share I beg. Also if you are still reading- what are you doing? Not sure why you’re still reading but have a cookie🍪🍪🍪. So about what I’ve been experiencing for a few months now (this is sorta a vent ig) since I moved house I got really really depressed to a concerning level (I moved like halfway across the earth or smt) and ever since I have been EXTREMELY fatigued to the point where I’m now asking to get it checked out. And every bone in my body hurt’s literally- my feet, my legs, my back, my neck, my head and yeah I’m suffering 👍the school I’m going to makes you wake up ridiculously early to the point where it was damaging my health and the whole thing was just so stressful. We’re back in the UK on holiday for the summer but I don’t want to go back I really want to stay here. So yeah.. sorry if you read that but yeah. Anyway my head hurts so bye🫠🫡 (and if you are little right now have a great day child and go commit crimes- I give you permission and you can eat a sweet if it won’t harm you rn, go be yourself and enjoy the rest of your day/ night)
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clover-cdd-confessions · 5 months ago
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Hiii, I'd like some help / advice please! >.<''
So I am a singlet but used to say I was an endogenic system (I am strictly anti-endo now and no long say that I'm a system). I don't think DID or OSDD really describe my experience and would like to know what you think about it (like providing resources about different disorders that may have overlapping symptoms with DID / OSDD). I have trauma and because of it, I dissociate a lot and have sort of multiple 'personalities' / a messed up sense of identity that feels like split??
Anyways please help me out :( I cant go to professionals currently due to IRL issues rn but want to get an idea of what is up with me before I get the chance to
Thank you in advance for any help / advice you can give! <33
Hi anon! I can certainly try to point you in the right direction, and please feel free to talk more or vent if you need! This stuff is very confusing and hard to figure out, and it's ok to not be sure :)
The first thing I'll say is that not all alters are super distinct. I think online you can get the idea that all systems are just a bunch of different, fully separate people who have strict lines between them, but that's not always the case. In fact, for OSDD-1, one diagnostic option is for those who have amnesia between parts but the identity of parts isn't very different. Many systems have facets (like different versions of the same alter) or fragments (one-sided alters with limited function/personality).
So even people with DID/OSDD-1/P-DID/UDD can have what feels more like multiple versions of themselves rather than different alters. Whether this is in conjunction with fully separate alters or not can depend. Also, many systems may choose to identify different ways! For example, someone with DID who has alters with different personalities, appearances, etc. may want to be seen as one person with parts, while someone with dissociated parts who only vary slightly may feel it makes more sense for them to have different names.
The feeling of not being quite one, solid person isn't limited to DID-spec disorders! Identity confusion is a symptom that can happen in a lot of disorders for different reasons and to varying degrees. The one that comes to mind first is BPD. I'm not saying you have it, but it could be worth looking into the way identity alteration happens in BPD, which can lead someone to feel like they have more than one 'self' while not being a system. https://www.verywellmind.com/borderline-personality-disorder-identity-issues-425488
The theory of structural dissociation might help you with understanding this and the different levels of identity dissociation. Personally, the book "The Haunted Self" by Onno van der Hart helped me understand the TOSD a lot. I believe you can find a free pdf online, but there's also a lot of other information about the TOSD!
Ultimately, this stuff is really, really confusing for anyone to figure out, and I fully get not being able to get help for it irl right now. I would look into the differences between selfstates in BPD versus less differentiated alters in OSDD-1 and see if that helps you figure it out. I hope this helps, anon! Best of luck! :) <3
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crippleswag · 2 years ago
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Hello! I hope you don’t mind if I ask a question.
I was recently diagnosed with an incurable neurological disorder that sometimes causes mobility issues. When my symptoms flare up in my legs and feet I can’t walk at all. Using crutches is even really difficult, but they’re the only option I have right now.
I need to carry my crutches around everywhere I go because losing my ability to walk in public has been less than ideal.
Do you have any suggestions on a good way to carry them around? I have forearm ones that come apart but they’re still so bulky and hard to fit in bags. I currently use a big drawstring bag, but it only has one strap that’s like a thin rope so its uncomfortable to wear. I don’t want to carry a large backpack around everywhere I go, but I’m not sure what else I can do.
If you have any suggestions I’d be super grateful to hear them! Thank you :))
hey!
i have no idea actually, it hasn’t been an issue for me so i can’t think of any solutions rn at least 🥲
if anyone else has any advice or ideas please help anon out!
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scyllas-revenge · 1 year ago
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Hi there! I was reading your Burn Like Cold Iron fic and so far it’s AMAZING!!!! 😁✨ I was wondering if you could tell me, if you’re able, how you were able to figure out your story with the language difference with Beatrice and her only speaking English and being in Middle Earth where they speak literally like, everything else? (I’ve only gotten up to chapter 4 so far.)
I know you were able to use Saruman’s mind using his translation method thingy XD Which was so seamless and cool! I’m wondering what was your process for figuring it out? Did you look into lore or anything? Rn, I’m writing smth with a similar plot of someone modern being thrown into Middle Earth (miraculously, I ran into your fic, which has helped me a ton!) but they’re thrown into Mirkwood instead. I’m stumped on how can I believably have my character communicate with elves? Any ideas, suggestions or somewhere you could point me?
I’d appreciate it a ton and sorry if this question is convoluted!
- Mithril Anon
Oh my gosh thank you so much! I'm so glad you like the fic so far and I'm flattered you reached out to me about yours.
I definitely took the easy way out with the language gap! I wasn't personally very interested in writing extensive translation/language learning scenes, so if I hadn't run into the convenient wizard-needs-her-to-speak-Westron-asap loophole, I probably wouldn't have distinguished them at all.
(Slight spoilers but not really) I did consider later on in my fic that maybe once Saruman loses his powers and Gandalf takes his staff, maybe Bee would lose her innate ability to understand Westron- but again, I didn't really want to go there in my fic, I'm lazy, so that plot twist never came to be.
I can try to offer some advice for how to go about it in your fic- and I know there are people who follow me who read modern-OC-in-middle-earth fics, so if any of y'all read through this enormous answer and have anything to add, please do!
The main ways I've seen authors go about it are
You can have some magical explanation hand-wave it away (what I did). For instance, I've seen authors have the Valar grant the OC language skills to translate between their native language and Westron as they hop over to Middle Earth. Maybe they have a magical amulet or something. Go crazy XD
You can have your character learn Westron from scratch- it's an entirely new Tolkien-approved language and your poor OC knows none of it. Of course that's super time consuming and can slow down a lot of other aspects of your plot (your OC can't rush off to go adventuring or fall in love when they can't communicate with anyone!). But if it's done right, you can develop characters, worldbuilding, and relationships in those scenes. I vaguely remember the fic Home with the Fairies doing this really well.
You can just ignore that Tolkien wrote Westron/Common to be different from English, and just have them be interchangeable. Frankly I like this just fine, I know a lot of other readers who do too- and what Tolkien doesn't know won't hurt him ;) I doubt you'd get any complaints about it from readers (and if you do, you can tell them ol' scylla wants to speak to em)
Since your OC will be interacting with elves, that adds a whole second language into the mix, which is a LOT to deal with. So I'd lean toward option 3, so your OC can at least speak to any of the elves who know Westron (Thranduil and Legolas definitely do, and I'm guessing a lot of other well-educated elves or anyone who has to travel, trade, or go near their borders do too).
So at that point you could have your OC learn elvish at a more comfortable pace, and the plot doesn't have to be on hold while they learn.
If not a lot of the Mirkwood elves your OC meets know Westron or speak it very well, maybe there are resources in Thranduil's library that could help them (you just know he's got a fancy library in those caves). Or maybe an elf your OC befriended could take them to speak to other characters who do know more Westron, like prisoners in the dungeons, border guards, tradesmen in Dale, etc. You could get some good plot development out of that, depending on where you want your fic to go and who you want your OC to interact with.
And of course the way they teach your OC elvish can also help drive the plot forward- I've read tons of fics that have the love interest confess their love knowing that the OC won't understand, or translate a romantic song or tragic poem and oh there's so many parallels between us and the song, isn't it sad?? Maybe the language gap could be used to keep or learn secrets, or give your OC a leg up in Mirkwood society since they'll be able to communicate better with the men of Dale than a lot of the elves can.
Sorry this answer is so long and rambly, but I hope it helps a bit! You'll have to tag me when you start posting your fic so I can read it!!
Omg I just remembered as I was about to hit send that canonically, the spiders in Mirkwood do in fact speak Westron, so if all else fails, your OC can talk with them XD (I'd read the hell out of that fic)
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angeltreasure · 1 year ago
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Hey I’m coming here and saying this because I’m desperate and I no longer care that I probably sound disgusting, embarrassing and like I do not know what the heck I’m doing because I really don’t. I’m just in desperate need of prayer and support rn
I have such a bad rep of making terrible decisions and I recently (not something I’m proud of) have come away from the church quite a bit and not really been trusting God. I’ve been quite depressed if I’m being honest and had multiple people in my life really making things quite difficult for me, so I’ve just found myself not talking to anyone about how things have really been.
Now that that’s out. I had a relationship break down around Christmas time and it was a really unhealthy one so I’m glad it did. I think the way I have and still am processing it is not good though as a guy I used to like and still am very attracted to (but literally pretty much JUST attraction) told me he liked me. We had this on/ off thing and nothing went too far and he basically left me in the city alone last week whilst he got drunk and probably high with his friends. I still didn’t care though which shows my lack of self respect right now… and then his friend told me he has trust issues and doesn’t want something serious. Because this is purely lust for me, I think I’ve been desperate to just be around him and last night his mate invited me out to this club tonight cause’ he’s gonna be there and basically said I can give him a bday treat but basically that he just wants sex. I am actually that unhinged right now that I want to go and my own friend who has never been a believer wants to go so it’s almost an excuse for me now but I have enough sanity left to tell myself I wouldn’t actually sleep with this dude but I also do not even trust myself and UGH I know I just typed out so so much and most of it is just disgusting and just honestly a truthful piece of what’s been happening in my life lately. Please offer some sane advice or prayer idk what to do anymore
I think when we get overwhelmed it’s important to first step back. Grab a piece a paper and pen. Then, write down in bullet points what you told me like
- I haven’t been trusting in God
- I’m away from the church
- family and some friends are making it difficult for me
- I just got out of a bad relationship not too long ago
- I’m so desperate to feel anything I’m consider the birthday gift to a guy who doesn’t even like me for who I am but just wants me in lust
Now we can go through those things together. You just got out of a bad relationship. I’m so glad you did because you wouldn’t have been safe if you stayed in that one, probably. I know breaking up hurts and we want to feel loved again, because I know that feeling.
Now look at the rest, family and some friends are making it difficult. You have to ask the why’s to that, and also remember to have any relationship build you need two way communication not one sided. You build trust slowly but communication is key. Falling for some guy just for his looks a quick pleasure isn’t going to satisfy you. That’s not love at all. To love, as St. Thomas Aquinas says, is to will the good of the other. Peace starts in our world when we bring peace at our own home. Instead of wandering, come back to your family and good friends. Tell them all you’re going through. You have to spiral out alone. If they are good family and good friends they will help you.
I know it hurts in your chest, all that pain you have gone through. I know you feel a disconnect with God. The only thing that can fill the void you feel in your heart right now is God. Don’t go to that party. Come to to Mass. come sit in the back pew. You don’t have to talk with anyone, you don’t need to know all the prayers or understanding the readings to their full. God knows exactly what you need right now and He is love and mercy itself. Please come to Mass. God loves and I love you. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Have you read the story of the Prodigal Son? I think you can connect to it so much. Read it. Take a moment to be alone to read it.
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coeurify · 2 years ago
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I don't understand how them being so sweet turned into that. I answered their mom only because she texted me saying she was gonna be at my house soon. She was on the phone with me talking me through everything and then she had to stop at the gas station for gas and a couple things so she will be here any minute. We live less than like 10 minutes apart so I don't know why mom needed her car but I'm not questioning it. Their mom has been one of my biggest supporters from the start when we were just friends. Mom helped me get my place and helped me through a lot of things. I'm not sure what to do because I really don't want company right now but mom is persistent and she is gonna be here whether I want her to be or not. That's alright because I love her. I really appreciate you taking time out of your day to help me and give me advice, and thank you to the person who also reblogged and gave advice. You are truly the most amazing person, don't let anyone take that from you.
-🙃
it seems like their mom is looking out for you, but please dont feel like you have to let her over. needing space is ok. if she does come, i hope she can offer some sort of comfort rn , you deserve support and lots and lots of comfort. im so sorry they ended up acting like this, im sending sm love rn. and ty :(( ur even more amazing non non
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phoebehalliwell · 1 year ago
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I mean, if you want gossip, welcome to my tale of questionable decisions! Let me set the scene for you. The relevant players are me, my female friend, and a guy who we've both been befriending. (The setting, mostly irrelevant but must be added to emphasize the Questionable Decisions of this tale is a church group. As in we're all in the same church group. What the fuck at me) Anyways, friend has gotten some flirty signals from guy and is interested but not willing to do anything unless he's explicitly into her.
Meanwhile, I end up becoming closer friends with this guy bc we went to an arcade a weekend night, accidentally had too much, and then had a full on breakdown on how my ex bf almost definitely sexually assaulted me. The guy (nice guy not ex bf, he has no more relevance to this story besides my ~trauma~) ends up hanging out with me a few more days, in part bc I am Not Handling this well. (ha ha, i'm repressing it atm again, this seems like a better idea!) We end up being better friends tho, and I find out that he is into my friend which great!
Issue is that my hormones are fucking stupid as hell and I. haven't even kissed anyone since said ex bf and guy friend is nice to me and I am reasonably sure won't be weird about it. So basically: we ended up making out on my couch. for a while. Additional context: I outright told him beforehand that I didn't want a relationship with him and this would be a one-time thing that I would almost definitely never bring up again. Which: not wrong. He's a great friend and I like hanging out with him but we're fundamentally incompatible and I'm just not into him that way. (Seriously, the entire thought process on my end is that he has proven multiple times that he won't hurt me, will stop if I ask, and is chill enough that it won't need to become a thing.)
He had to leave after a while, because y'know time and I basically talked him into asking out my friend. So please, imagine this scenario. Me and him, having just spent two hours making out on my couch with the full understanding this was a one-time thing, now standing on my porch at midnight as I try to talk him into asking her out while he expresses doubt that she's into him. I've done it tho and he's gonna ask her out tomorrow. This is the current situation as of fifteen minutes ago.
My expectation is frankly that while we may talk about it in the future, bc he is currently only person alive who knows about my trauma, it will never happen again. (Like I said: I'm really not into him like that.) Admittedly, not totally sure on what'll happen with him and her but a legit possibility that they end up going out (and he's already promised me to not tell anyone about it, which he won't bc of who he is as a person) and it going well. Honestly, idk if I really need advice bc I do legitimately think that this will work out fine for everyone but may I get an f in the chat for what the fuck was I thinking. Any advice about the situation will be gladly accepted tho! (Also anything about dealing with said trauma bc like I said. I am. not handling it v well oof.)
The most ironic thing about fucking all this is that I am normally the most drama-free, chill person ever and never get into trouble and then I did this. To repeat: what the fuck at me!
legendary behavior on your part honestly like. like?? idk i'm with you i think this could turn out fine maybe. like obvs there are good odds it doesn't but like. ❤️❤️❤️❤️. like aint nobody gotta know like first off i totally believe in like the principle of making out with your friends. granted i rarely do it for like two hours with the homies but like making out for two hours with someone that you're into is also like not that weird of a thing either imo like making out with someone at the club!! you guys are both just there it's both just vibes like!! idk it's normal!!! i feel sooo hashtag phoebecoded rn i do feel like this is incredibly dumb advice but im also hashtag team you. i think this is gna be fine. but also yeah like really don't let her know. like. that's just business between y'alls just silly haha business and it's like if you get it you get it but if you don't it's really confusing and hurtful bc it's harder to get it if you already like the guy you get what i'm saying. but yeah. hope things work out for your friend and homeboy. homeboy sounds chill. also they're both so relatable for refusing to do anything until they know for sure it's reciprocated the amount of the times i have had to hold my homies at gunpoint (and vice versa!) to ask out the guy who clearly likes them... well it's a modern (?? or not idk i'm not old) rite of passage. wishing u all luck. keep me posted im nosy owo.
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flowgninthgil · 9 months ago
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Pinned Post!
Current PfP from Taken form there, made by BeautySnake
All past PfPs can be found in my mess
I'm an openly anarchist person, probably from the same reality as you, and reblogs are gonna show that, but I also like arts and silly things, things that put joy in your life, but also things that allows you to see things from many different angles, all of those things that creativity only can give.
I use any pronouns by the way, literally, I usually take the exemple of cactuses, beats me why.
you know those things that are greatly limited by the fact that it takes time to create, the time you need to get the money that you need to keep on living?
We work to earn the right to work, to earn the right to give ourselves the right to buy oourselves the right to live, to earn the right to die.
Bat - > (㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ) < - Bat
Anyway, this also serves for me to get some posts easely accessible 'cause I really like them and I like too many things to just search them back in the list, so here they go:
Thanks!
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Always seek the root of the problem:
If you have an abusive family, this is a good number of advices to help you until you can safely leave:
Internet:
Artists.
Artistic Consent VS AI, Part 1: Glazing.
Artistic Consent VS AI, Part 2: Nightshade.
Privacy
People should try PiHole, I assure you, your privacy on internet matters.
I mean it, your privacy is important.
"Slow the Fuck Down"
Protexting private information can be hard, sorry
Cool things that internet allows you to do.
HTML is awesome.
Too many imbed for tumblr, switching to not-cool links from here.
Piracy.
Keep the Windows open:
Fuck windows, opt out those useless things
Fuck Google, here's some websites you won't find.
Google Algorythm is fucked and full of spam.
Twitter's Community notes are not Universal Truth.
Trick to get some disk freed up on your computer.
Fuck Spotify and the others.
The Cloud! Off-site SSD.
Please, take care!
Your body and mind matters.
It's OK to not be ready, or saying no.
Lazyness doesn't exists.
Learning how diet actually works is important, pizzas are supposed to be healthy.
Your posture matters, take care of your spine.
Breast Cancer CAN affect you, no matter who you are and what your biology is.
Know how you feel and what it means.
Say "Thank you" instead of "Sorry".
Fuck Depression.
Caring about others requires knowing about them.
Communication is key, in every interraction you can have, even the bad ones.
Look out of intersex people, especially at birth.
What is Ableism and what does people mean by it? (Thinking of things concerning disabled people from an Able point of interest.)
To Disabled Persons in the United States of Central North America, get a Abled Account.
Sex education is important for kids.
Explaining Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Don't keep everything to yourself, it's not good for anyone.
Autistic lack of empathy.
Explaining Borderline Personality Disorder.
Down Syndrome does not keep people from being normal people.
Hey, people in rehabs and mental health facilities are people too.
It ends up making a very interesting point about disabled people.
Creation is an art!
AO3 & tips:
AO3 search filter.
If you don't private them, authors can read your bookmarks on AO3.
Compression Sleeves can help you when drawing.
Training is key! and this is awesomely simple!!!!!
Grey vs Gray!
From stories:
bittersweet, short, fantasy story.
Introducing a character:
Sci-Fy but it's not bad:
Changing your point of view.
Remarkable movie about Trans People!
Pokémon Lore!!!!
To Imagination!
Here's how to make fantasy names:
More fantasy world logic!
The Organic, the Mechanical, and the Holy.
But with reallife origins.
People need glasses, and imaginary people too.
Your work is actually Great.
It's about feminism and how all women are normal, but I think it can get you some useful bases on dressing up people.
Rude Compouds on Reddit.
Cultural mixity create great food!
Awesome person, horrible surroundings.
And History is a tool!
It explains,
Paper on cool alt people
Diversity of Arabic languages.
Exploring Music throughout history:
How bad can I be? I'm just building the economy!
And remember.
Did you know girls were awesome?
People lived here before you.
Bayard Rustin and the Civil Rights.
Former capital of the armenian kingdom:
Company town is not new.
Cool Dutch gay guy which tried his best to help during the occupation
Nazis didn't burnt book randomly, they knew what they were burning.
Fuckers and Nature All Around the World:
Helping people DOES help, don't prevent them needs in fear of scams, differences or such:
A little bit can do a lot for people.
More than anything, Welfare helps people.
I seem to have reached the maximum of links someone can add to a Tumblr Post... Can't even be a linklog on this tumblelog website! Anyway, here's the links and the name I gave them, they just aren't clickable:
Disgust is no reason to shame or be unsupportive. (Kinks and fetish are valid, because far-right is using them to bring you down.)
https://www.tumblr.com/bemusedlybespectacled/740639295563546624
Fuck racists.
https://www.tumblr.com/anarchistmemecollective/745001874298667008/anarchistmemecollective-willowdove
A Philosophy for Queer Labels.
https://www.tumblr.com/brightlotusmoon/736464664779702272/i-did-that-to-a-guy-he-wanted-to-be-a-wolverine
Learn from others around the world (Anarchy)
https://www.tumblr.com/fuck-yeah-anarchy/721841471755567104/zoe-samudzi-on-a-black-feminist-anarchism
Unlearning White Supremacy. (I guess some people need to.)
https://www.tumblr.com/anarchistmemecollective/746430184276836352/whiteness-as-property-pdf
You missed it out, but it's okay, we just have to give it to others to make it up. (about trans people missing out on growing up as a teenager.)
https://www.tumblr.com/idiot-trashpanda/746303006847418368/i-try-so-hard-to-get-over-this-because-i-cant-be
Cool story about how talking about sex is considered bad. (School director filming educational/humanising porn with his wife and publishing it on the internet without telling anyone getting fired for it.)
https://www.tumblr.com/theprofessional-amateur/738092201016492032/i-want-to-see-this-legal-battle-we-cant-do
Economy! (Seatle people burning up medical depts of people.)
https://www.tumblr.com/enkiduofvideogames/727566517643919361/thing-is-the-debt-companies-hate-this-because
Nature is beautiful:
Biology VS. gender norms. (Little informative drawings)
https://www.tumblr.com/obsidian-hollow-archives/733229447184089088
Fishes are not stupid, you know? (actually watched a documentary about it, fishes shows every signs of intelligence you might think of.)
https://www.tumblr.com/evergreenbutch/741135011848273920
Gretta Thumberg's growth. (lost the link :Sadge:)
Deep Sea livings. (Cool and dangerous in strange ways)
https://www.tumblr.com/plaguedocboi/729081806036647936/this-is-the-irukandji-jellyfish-which-has-venom
Science!
https://www.tumblr.com/supreme-leader-stoat/662522956249972736/i-love-the-pitch-drop-experiment-some-guy
TERFs and Nazis:
J.K. Rowling is both.
https://www.tumblr.com/joerojasburke/744953450298769409
You're not Destroying nature. (Big corps are.)
https://www.tumblr.com/anexperimentallife/736626826502356992
What is Blood Quantum? (American way to force amerindians to get erradicated.)
https://www.tumblr.com/anarchistmemecollective/713843341642563584/blood-quantum-was-designed-to-eliminate-native
Pearl Harbour on the Cost of Giving Birth in the USCNA (United States of Central North America)
https://www.tumblr.com/doubleca5t/742160965275172864/explanation-japan-bombs-pearl-harbor-which
Corporations are a Platypus. (Phineas and Pherb is awesome.)
https://www.tumblr.com/prettydumbloverboy/634121884908322816/corporations-are-a-platypus
& more to come
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Redesigns of enby, ace, aro, and agender by @the-unicorn-nick, trans flag by @vampk1zzer, and colours from here by @caninophobia.
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flimsy-roost · 1 year ago
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run-on review
debated on whether to review this one before or after I tried some recipes, but I have things going on and wont be able to for at least another week and I'm afraid I'll forget (I may do mini-followups when I have), so I'm going to talk about Crip Up The Kitchen by Jules Sherred solely by the content of the book itself (this isn't really a recipe review thing anyway, who knows maybe I'll start doing that too)
I cannot stress this enough, GET YOUR HANDS ON THIS BOOK, buy it, borrow it, request your local library stock it, please please please
(I must also stress that nearly all of the recipes require a pressure cooker, so if you do not have access to one or the current ability to save up for/quickly obtain one, this book may be less useful for you at this moment in time, but would still be very worth at least borrowing to read the introductory chapters)
everything is extremely clearly laid out, how clearly you may ask, so clearly that the first 41 pages of this 250ish page cookbook is helpful background information and advice, including equipment lists (and instructions on how to use the most important things), clear guidelines for meal planning and meal prep, how to arrange your kitchen and pantry, pros and cons and instructions on how to store food in a variety of ways, charts of cook times, ways to effectively substitute ingredients for specific allergies/intolerences/aversions, every single recipe has an equipment list along with the ingredient lists, different cook times for different equipment, and clear nutritional breakdowns
instead of by type of meal/dish, recipes are organized by effort level (or number of spoons required), and the quantity of each recipe type is pyramidal (five times more low-effort than high-effort recipes) which takes a lot of guesswork/unease around fitting cooking into your life
on a more personal note, I'm literally seeing a dietician rn to figure out how to eat consistently healthy with the particularities that come with adhd/autism, was literally planning to set aside money for a chest freezer before I heard about this book, it's marketed heavily to people with physical disabilities but I figured that it could help me too, and the author literally shouts out neurodivergent people as well so it literally is also for me too which is awesome and validating, this is genuinely exactly what I needed at exactly this point in my life, the chest freezer money is being redirected to a pressure cooker and I'm so excited to start trying these recipes
this book would be helpful for anyone with any kind of physical, mental, or developmental disability, or chronic health issue, that hinders your ability to cook, I also think it would be good for people who are too busy to cook for whatever reason (swamped at work or school, overwhelmed parents/caregivers, etc), or for people who just don't like cooking but who need to/want to start for any reason (ie to save money long-term, to achieve health goals, etc), my best friend is moving into a house with a nonfunctioning kitchen and I'm pooling money with other friends/family to buy her a mini fridge, a pressure cooker, and a copy of this book
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2jaeh · 3 years ago
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ORPHIC : YUTA X READER
genre: smut, angst
warnings: mature themes, enemies to lovers kinda, kinda toxic theme, multiple smut scenes, swearing, alcohol, toys. 
slight jenoxreader 
word count : 17,5k (sorrry he’s my ult)
author: sin! 
You and Yuta never had a good relationship within your group of friends. The closest the two of you ever came to even slightly caring about each other was...in bed. After some friendly advice you decide to venture out of this toxicity and an old friend comes to the rescue. Thinking things will finally settle and you are ready to move on, Yuta comes to the realization that he wasn't a fan of you leaving him for someone else. 
A/N: WHOA this took me so long to write and rn its 2am and I barely proofread anything and just wanted to post it already! ALSO I just wanted to add Jeno is practically my ult as well and I wanted to use him for this scenario ! I promise Ill make it up to you guys with a full length fic of him lol Anyways enjoy. 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You couldn’t understand why you hated him so much. Was it the way he did his hair ? The way he rolled his eyes at every snarky remark you directed at him ?
Or was it the way he stared at you from across the room, a smirk on his face signaling that it was going to be one of those nights.
You joined this collective of artists or the “blank space” as you were known to the public, a year ago. The team did everything from clothing to organizing crazy exhibitions, and the best part of it all was that the team members remained anonymous.
Now some of the members were already in the spotlight for their personal artworks and collections but anything under blank space was under that name only, promoted only under its respective social media accounts. The collective was founded by Taeyong, an introverted guy you met at a fashion show you once worked at. He approached you the night your art hit the runway and you’ve been working for him ever since.
You didn’t know everybody under Blank Space except for the people Taeyong trusted the most. Which from possibly 50 designers, only reduced to a total of nine close friends.
Taeyong, Johnny, Ten, Renjun, YangYang, Doyoung, Sungchan, Lucas and You.
And then, there was one person you called a friend when the mood was right. When he was not being an absolute pain in the ass.
Yuta Nakamoto.
————————————————————————
“So there’s a launch happening this weekend over at the shed” Taeyong announced to your friend group who were barely paying attention thanks to Yangyang attempting to stuff four marshmallows into his mouth. “Come on you can do one more” Lucas edged him on while Renjun shook his head disapprovingly and Sungchan tried to suppress his laughter.
“Guys please pay attention” Doyoung, the only type of authority around here spoke up, finally quieting down the room and allowing his best friend to speak.
Taeyong cleared his throat and shifted nervously as all eyes were focused on him again. “I’d like all of us to attend, maybe look for a new recruit” the timid pink haired boy spoke and everyone nodded knowing the routine of these launches at this point.
“Can we party hard or is this just one of those save face kinda gigs ?” Yuta raised his hand and the spark in Lucas’s eyes indicated that he may have had the same idea.
You rolled your eyes and crossed your leg over the other, “Yuta’s having a dry spell he wants to find some damsel in distress to get into his bed” you turned to him and he only smirked at your snarky comment.
“Well now y/n it’s only because you haven’t been in the mood for my dick lately” he pouted and Renjun threw his head back, followed by groans from both Johnny and Ten.
“I’m not in the mood for the two of you today seriously” Ten chimed in, rubbing his temples just waiting for this group meeting to be over. “Yeah me too” Johnny added, “you two fight the entire week then hook up over the weekend, we are tired.”
“Why are you guys tired ? Are you doing the fighting and fucking ?” Yuta scoffed and Doyoung jumped to his feet, folding his arms across his chest as he looked down at the scowling black haired man,
“This is a work meeting. If it's not about work” Doyoung eyes moved to you, “then we don’t want to hear about it.”
You nodded after getting reprimanded but Yuta being Yuta just snickered and downed the rest of his coffee, unbothered by what any of the people in the room had to say about him.
“Okay then well I’ll see you guys Friday night, if you find a possible recruitment just text the group chat and we will decide as a team then and there” Taeyong wrapped up the meeting and everyone dispersed back to their work stations to finish up any outstanding projects.
Blank Space had its own office block but you guys were the only ones with a private floor at the very end of the hallway, far away from the part-timers.
Everyone had their own cubicle made up of makeshift drywall, so it was private but not private enough. Taeyong felt that closed offices made no sense for a room of creatives and when working on bigger projects it was easier for members to move their stations to their partners' cubicles.
Your cubicle though had the unfortunate fate of being placed in front of Yuta. The members had tried to swap with either of you but neither of you budged. Moving meant there was a problem and showing that you had an actual problem with the other person meant it could sabotage the team and things may go sour.
So both of you conceded. Trying your absolute best to stay out of the other person's way during work hours. But it was impossible when bickering was just something you guys did.
From the very beginning You and Yuta had disagreed on almost everything. Both of you were pretty stubborn people and had a very similar mindset. Then on a random drunken night Johnny suggested that you and Yuta needed to release your anger in bed and the next day you’d be best friends. Yuta was pretty adamant on the idea and not only did you hook up once, it became this ongoing hell of fighting, building up your anger and releasing it during mind blowing sex.
Neither of you questioned the abnormality of your relationship. Rather, you ignored the red flags and the toxicity of it all and just assumed attraction only happened through liquor, high sexual needs and boredom.
“Hey y/n sorry about snapping like that earlier” Doyoung stepped into your cubicle, his gummy smile showing as he nervously scratched his head.  “It’s no problem, I’m sorry about my stupid comment” you pressed your lips together feeling a tad guilty that it all started because of you.
“You guys really love riling each other up don’t you?” Doyoung took a seat opposite you which was a bit unnatural for anyone who walked by. Doyoung was a very reserved person and never bothered to converse with any of you besides Taeyong. Unlike the rest of you Doyoung was recruited to handle finances and foresee the operation. He appreciated the arts but never delved in it, hence his awkwardness with the openness and unhinged personalities of the group.
“I get that it can be...exhausting” you sighed, propping your elbows up on the counter and pouting.
“Then why do you continue ?” Doyoung quizzed and you shrugged, “stress relief ?”
Doyoung chuckled at your words and pushed his spectacles up his bridge, “you guys are the ones stressing each other out,” Doyoung turned back to look at Yuta who was busy sketching and turned back to face you,
“All I’m saying is that maybe it’s time to look for a stress reliever that doesn’t result in anger the very next day, you guys need to move on.”
Move on.
Doyoung’s words swam in your mind hours after the short conversation had ended and you wondered if it was indeed time to move on. You looked up from your desk and to your surprise Yuta’s eyes were locked with yours as he twirled a lollipop in his mouth.
The issue was, as much as you hated him you couldn’t deny he was so goddamn hot. From the long hair to the edgy attire, physically he was your type. Personality on the other hand, it was like nails against a chalkboard.
Unbearable.
You kept your eyes locked with him until he slowly pulled the sweet out of his mouth, licked his lips and blew you a cheeky kiss from across the room.
“Moron” you mumbled and shook your head trying to ignore his devilish motives and get back to work.
Doyoung was right. You definitely needed to find someone to distract yourself from Yuta’s hold over you.
———————————————————————-
It was the night of the launch and everybody showed up with their own rides and  began mingling with former clients and partners. You arrived with Ten and Lucas who already decided to pre-game drinks just in case ‘there wasn’t enough at the party.’
“Hey please do us a favor and not hook up with Yuta tonight” Ten wrapped his arm around your shoulder as the two of you maneuvered through the groups of people. “Not planning on it” you replied in his ear, “and besides Doyoung already beat you to that pep talk.”
“Doyoung ?” Ten wrinkled his nose before ordering the two of you a mojito from the open bar.
“Yeah he said that I should move on, possibly find a new hookup” you shrugged, retrieving the drink and headed to a balcony that overlooked the first floor of the launch party. There were bodies of people everywhere, networking, checking out merchandise or just getting plain wasted.
“Seems like Lucas has already been cut off from the open bar” Ten pointed out, watching the tall man try to push his way back to the bar but the bouncer refused him to do so.
“Let me go help him out, I'll catch up later” Ten sighed and gave you a pat on your shoulder, “and yeah find a new hookup, if Yuta gets to sleep around so can you.”
You watched Ten disappear into the crowd and twirled the glass in your hand wishing what he had said was that easy.
There were no rules about hooking up with other people or just any reinforcements in general when it came to you and Yuta. But you we’re well aware of his loose sex life. There were many times where Yuta ended up going home with some random person if he wasn’t in the mood to hook up with you. But You on the other hand, never bothered these days because you were either too busy or whoever you met just ended up boring you to death.
“Y/n ?” You heard someone say from behind you and to your surprise it was a face you hadn’t seen in years.
“Jeno ? Oh my God” you quickly gave the blonde boy a quick hug, taken back by how much he had filled out since high school.
Jeno used to help you out from time to time during proms and fashion shows, lending out his strength to build anything from sculptures to installation art in the city.
“I was wondering when I was going to bump into you at one of these shows” his bright smile turned his eyes into crescents as he joined you at the balustrade. The Jeno you knew in high school was a lanky shy kinda guy but the Jeno you saw now was confident, mature and outright gorgeous.
“I’m quite surprised seeing you here actually” you chuckled shyly, “I didn’t know you’d pursue anything in this field to be honest.”
“Wow” Jeno mouthed and cutely grinned, “hmm that kinda hurt considering I’m the one who made the centerpiece of this entire launch”
Your eyes widened as you looked down at the structure of colored sharpies bound together to create a giant rubix cube in the middle of the party. “Holy shit that’s awesome my boss would absolutely love you” you gasped, knowing Taeyong absolutely loved installation art especially at a large scale like this.
“Oh who’s your boss ? I’m actually a free agent right now” Jeno replied and you quickly remembered the reason you were even at the launch in the first place. “Wait! We’re looking for recruits right now, let me just tell the others about it” you said excitedly, handing Jeno your drink and pulled up the group chat on your phone.
A few minutes later everyone confirmed the meeting place of a private room located on the second floor, quiet enough for a quick interview and decision. The best part of this job was everyone was so connected that there was no need to go through the process of a full portfolio look and a million interviews, all you needed was a trusted ally within the group to vouch for you and you were already one foot in.
“Ten and Yangyang took Lucas home after he tried to challenge the bartender to an arm wrestling match” Johnny entered the room and sipped his whiskey while Renjun and Sungchan followed close behind him. Taeyong and Doyoung stood in front of the room discussing something amongst themselves while you and Jeno took a seat on the burgundy couch.
Yuta entered shortly after, drink in hand and you noticed his eyes narrow in on Jeno who sat close to you. “Okay everyone who’s able to make it is here let’s get started” Taeyong clasped his hands together, “everybody this is Jeno Lee and a long time friend of y/n.”
“Not that long but yeah we did work together” Jeno chuckled and got to his feet, “well I’m an installation artist, I actually made the centerpiece in tonight’s launch.”
“Wow, it's amazing!” Renjun complimented and Sungchan agreed, giving Jeno a thumbs up, “yeah man that piece is brilliant.”
Jeno smiled from ear to ear as the meeting proceeded with everyone going through a few of Jenos works and what he could bring to the team. While your teammates concentrated on Jenos work all you could concentrate on was Jeno himself.
You wondered if Jeno knew how gorgeous he was in his effortless tank top and denim jeans combo. You hoped no one caught you staring but someone was well aware of your actions.
Yuta watched how you looked at the young guy, he wasn’t stupid, he knew when you found someone attractive and the way you were ogling Jeno right now, he didn’t like it at all.
The meeting ended and everyone welcomed Jeno to the collective. Johnny gave him a few pointers on which coffee to order from the cafe next to the office and Sungchan exchanged gamer tags with his new friend.
“I’ll see you guys on Monday” you waved as everyone exited the meeting and before you could make your way to catch up with Jeno and Sungchan you were being pulled back into the room.
“Your place or mine ?” Yuta mused and snaked an arm around your waist, looking down at you with dark eyes.
“Neither” you responded, “I’m gonna hang with Jeno and head home, you should find that little damsel to play with”
“Don’t be difficult y/n we're long overdue for our therapy session now” he groaned, pressing his lips to your ear and jaw. As much as he aroused you by just breathing you thought about what Doyoung had said, you needed to move on from this mess.
“Listen I think we need to just stop our sessions” you stepped away from him leaving Yuta slightly taken back from your actions, “let’s move on, be out of each other’s way and not make the group uncomfortable okay ?”
Yuta watched you press your lips together and finally make your exit, leaving him completely alone. You denied his advances for the first time since the two of you started sleeping together and something in him broke.
————————————————————————
Monday came around and the whole team buzzed about Jeno joining the team. Usually a new recruit would hang downstairs with the part time designers but because Taeyong trusted your judgement on Jeno, he was able to integrate with the team.
“Man that Jeno guy seems real chill” Yangyang hopped alongside Johnny and Yuta who were doing the morning coffee run. Yuta kept his composure despite knowing he wasn’t a huge fan of someone new joining the team and throwing off the dynamic. Hands in his pocket he ignored Yangyangs endless questions about the meeting, allowing Johnny to entertain the eager young boy.
“All I know is that having Jeno around means I don’t have to do all the carrying when Lucas bails on me” Johnny sipped his drink as they made their way back to their office. To their surprise Jeno had just arrived, looking like a lost puppy as he examined the names of the floors next to the secretary desk.
“Speak of the devil” Johnny threw his arm around Jeno, startling the boy and led him over to the elevator, “we’re at the top floor newbie, make sure to get an access card from Taeyong.”
“T-thanks” Jeno grinned and bowed politely to both Yuta and Yangyang before stepping into the elevator. The other guys barely bothered with Yuta’s reaction to Jeno because he rarely liked anyone enough to show any sign of enthusiasm. Jeno wasn’t going to change that.
The elevator opened to the top floor and Jeno awed at the chilled atmosphere you all had created here. From Ten’s thousands of plants around the room, Taeyongs fish, a pool table brought in by Lucas and gaming stations set up by Sungchan, it looked like paradise.
“This....is so cool oh my God” Jeno stepped in, his eyes wandering all over the place until it locked on you hanging over at the fish tank with Taeyong.
“Y/n!” Jeno jogged over and you greeted him with a wide smile and a tight hug, “Jeno you made it!” You gleamed. Jeno quickly shook Taeyong’s hand unsure of how formal of a boss he actually was.
“Whoa I feel like a principal” Taeyong giggled as he dropped a few fish flakes for his babies. “Wow, does everybody have their own cubicle ?” Jeno strolled around the room taking a peak at the vast versions of decor each cubicle adorned.
“Yeah” you responded, “but I don’t think yours is ready yet right Doyoung ?”
“That’s right,” Doyoung replied and folded his arms across his chest, “you don’t mind sharing for the week do you ?”
Jeno shrugged and looked over at you, “I was hoping to catch up with y/n anyway, I don’t mind sharing if it’s okay with you ?”
“It’s perfectly fine” you assured him and gestured over to your cubicle, “me casa is su casa.”
“I’m just gonna need some admin stuff sorted Jeno can you join me for a bit ?” Doyoung asked and Jeno nodded, giving you a quick hug before heading off to the administration offices with Doyoung. You watched the blonde guy exit and something just felt so much brighter in the office. You felt a sense of excitement of what’s to come now that Jeno was back in your life. But like all sunny days there always comes a thunderstorm and yours was staring you down like he was waiting to rain on your parade.
“What ?” You blinked, and Yuta shrugged as he peeked into your cubicle. “It’s a bit small isn’t it ? Don’t think two people can work in here” he raised his brow and looked over at you.
“It’s fine” you sighed and pushed past him, “it’s only for a week and he’s not a stranger to me, why do you care ?”
“I don’t” Yuta mumbled, dragging his feet back to his cubicle leaving you questioning his slightly odd behavior. Your mind quickly snapped out of it when Jeno had made his way back, that bright smile spread across his face and suddenly it felt like sunshine filled the room once more.
“I’m back!” He sang and pulled a chair opposite you, retrieving his laptop already looking like a regular in the office.
“Did Doyoung tell you about tonight ? Our little welcoming party over at Kleo’s Sky Bar ?” You asked, skimming through your emails for the day. “Oh, yeah he did, I mean you guys don’t have to do all of this” Jeno chuckled shyly, those pretty eyes distracting you for the third time that day.
“Nah we do it for everyone, and it’s better you know everyone drunk to avoid future surprises” you pointed over to Lucas who was coaching Yangyang through a trick shot at the pool table.  “Gotcha” Jeno nodded, as he watched one of the balls fly off the table and nearly knock Renjun in the back. It was chaos absolutely everyday in the office and you knew Jeno was going to love it here.
But even with Jeno in front of you, your new distraction, your new beginning, like Doyoung and Ten had said you needed, it was a habit at this point to look across the room, wondering what Yuta was up to. You watched him remove his cardigan, exposing his arms in those loose tank tops he always loved to wear as he concentrated on a sketch in front of him. Thankfully he was fully immersed in his work for once to take notice of your eyes on him. You continued observing him, watching him nod along to probably some alternative song blaring in his headphones as he sketched away on his iPad. He was so effortlessly attractive when he wasn’t aware of it.
You needed to snap out of this daydream.
“So are you seeing anyone these days ?”
“Hmm ?”
Jeno laughed as you finally realized that he’d been talking to you and you mentally cursed yourself for even being distracted by Yuta of all people.
“I’m sorry..Uhm no I’m not seeing anyone” you replied, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and Jeno nodded cutely, “uh good...uhm not good that you’re alone but I was hoping you weren’t...God I’m still so bad at this”
You felt your cheeks heat up seeing Jeno fumble over his words and get nervous about asking you such a question. He was so adorable and something in you also wondered if he was like this in a relationship, or in the bedroom.
Was he dominant ? Was he passive ? Yuta was very dominant and you’d even rile him up to the point of him making you shut up with his actions.
“Y/n ?” Jeno waved his hand in front of your face and you shook your head, you couldn’t believe you did it again. What the hell was wrong with you ?
“Oh my God Jeno I'm so sorry...these emails are just a pain in the ass” you lied but thankfully Jeno took the bait and nodded, “it’s okay I’ll let you get back to work, I was going to go down to the cafe, do you want anything ?”
“Yeah a cafe latte would be great thank you” You felt guilty but it was still only two days since you decided to cut off Yuta so adjusting was going to take a bit of time.
Jeno had left for the cafe and you quickly dove straight into your work, hoping the time would just fly by. That was until you heard a knock and watched Yuta saunter into your cubicle and take a seat right in front of you. You watched him prop his elbows on the table and his piercing eyes narrowed down on you as if he were waiting for an answer.
“Why are you here ?” You questioned him, doing your best to divert your attention from his chiseled arms and exposed chest.
“I want an explanation,” Yuta said calmly, his voice deep and monotone.
“To what ?” You knew fully well what he was talking about but you were really  not in the mood to talk to him about this.  Yuta sighed and cocked his head to the side, clearly annoyed by your response. “Why the fuck are we calling it quits when we are nothing to each other ? Can’t we just hook up and ignore each other as usual ?” You sensed the annoyance in his voice. Denying him that night was indeed eating him up since you’ve never done it before.
“Yuta that’s the whole point” you rubbed your temples, “if we are nothing to each other then we shouldn’t be hooking up, it just ties us together for absolutely no reason.”
Yuta stayed quiet for a bit and eventually just nodded, “fine do whatever you want I guess.” You watched him walk out, not bothering to give you a second look and you wondered if the unsettling feeling you were experiencing in this moment was how he felt two days ago.
Nothing made sense.
————————————————————————
The evening arrived and everyone was in good spirits because you were all headed to one of your favourite spots in town. “Lucas you gotta do karaoke tonight” Sungchan threw his arm around the large brown haired man as they entered the bar. “Hmm give me a few rounds of drinks first” Lucas stuck out his tongue as he gestured to the waitress to get the gang the usual table.
Thankfully tonight the bar was fairly empty which meant that the gang could really loosen up without the prying eyes of strangers wishing you’d all just leave.
“Wow this place is pretty cool” Jeno gleamed, allowing you to enter the booth first like a true gentleman before scooting right in next to you. Yuta opted for the seat at the very end as usual, so he could sneak off to smoke without bothering any of friends every couple of minutes. The position also gave him a clear view of you and Jeno who were snuggled up in the corner already lost in your own private conversation.
“Beer ?” Johnny nudged Yuta, snapping him out of his fixation. Yuta nodded and slumped back in his seat trying his best to focus on whatever Renjun and Yangyang were talking about. It’s not like him to feel this way. Usually by now he’d be seated next to you, annoying the shit out of you until he saw those pretty eyes glare at him with rage. Then after you’d have a few drinks you’d be leaning on his shoulder, playing with his rings until he offered to take you home, and then-
“To Jeno!” Lucas yelled, lifting up a shot glass of God knows what and rallied everyone to join in on his toast.
“To Jeno” you grinned leaning into Jeno’s side and clinked glasses with him. Jeno felt warm, comforting, he made it so easy for you to just enjoy having him around rather than it being a task. That’s what a healthy relationship was like wasn’t it ?
“Jeno Im glad and also sorry that you have to join the most annoying group of people ever” Doyoung half smiled and Taeyong waved his hand, “we’re not that annoying Jeno I promise” the pink haired boy reassured him despite Renjun and Ten agreeing with Doyoung’s words. Jeno just laughed it off and turned to you with a bright smile as he draped his arm over your shoulder,
“Kinda feels like fate that I bumped into you huh?”
You know he may have been joking but Jeno was really unaware that his presence really was the antidote to getting rid of the Yuta situation. The team loved him, he was someone you knew and could trust, it was all right there for you, written on paper. Nothing could possibly go wrong… right ?  
“Fourth round is on me” Taeyong held up his card to the waitress despite his tired eyes were quite evident. Everyone was well over tipsy and Lucas had already entertained the bar with his beautiful rendition of “Starboy” by The Weeknd and Johnny stepped in as his air guitar player in the back.
“Gotta go to the bathroom!” You whined while Jeno helped you to your feet as you pushed your way past a sleeping Renjun and a spaced out Sungchan. You could tell tonight was going to take a toll on everyone tomorrow morning.
You quickly exited to the back where the bathrooms were located. You walked down the dim hallway, mentally thanking yourself for not overdoing it with the alcohol as each step became darker and darker.
“Watch your step” someone said and you turned around to see Yuta leaning over a railing with a cigarette sticking out of his mouth.
“Yeah” you managed to say and entered the bathroom before he could say anything else. The lack of alcohol didn’t stop the intrusive thoughts of Yuta filling your mind as you stopped to wash your hands. All you could think about was if he was going to be there when you walked back. Was he going to say anything ? Was he going to do anything ?
Were you going to do anything ?
You stepped outside, head a little more muddled than when you walked in and your first question was answered, Yuta was still there leaning up against the wall looking ahead of him. You slowly began your journey back, keeping your head down to avoid any type of confrontation with him.
“Y/n….” He mumbled, reaching out until he had a grip on your wrist causing your eyes to look up at him. Why did he look so goddamn breathtaking right now, with his stupid black hair all messy and his eyes luring you in like a lion to it’s prey.
“W-what ?” You replied, unsure why you still allowed him to hold you or even have the nerve to stop you from getting back to the rest of your friends. Yuta pushed himself off the wall and turned your body so you were now pressed against the concrete and his body was pressed against you. Your breathing hitched as he ran his fingers lightly down your arms. His eyes concentrated on his movements while yours focused on his face, watching him bite down on his lip as he took in the position the two of you were now in.
“You remember a few weeks back and I had you up against this wall moaning my name ?” His voice was so low that it aroused you, making you mentally curse yourself for the lewd thoughts.
“Yuta…” you sighed but there was a hint of desperation in your voice surprising yourself but not really phasing Yuta at all.
“Yeah just like that” he hummed before pressing his lips to your jaw, and peppered kisses all the way down to your neck. You felt yourself willingly giving him access, melting into every kiss he placed on your warm skin. Yuta’s hands grabbed your waist and pinned you against the wall while your hands instinctively wrapped around his neck and into the soft tufts of his hair.
“Yuta…we shouldn’t…I shouldn’t” you breathed, feeling yourself pulling him closer instead of pushing him away.
“Tell me no and I’ll stop y/n '' Yuta said into your ear to which you responded by pulling him by his belt buckle and pushed yourself up to capture his lips. Yuta’s dominance finally showed when he slipped his leg in between yours, giving you the chance to gain a bit of friction your core so desperately desired at this point. You felt Yuta’s smirk in your kiss when you began grinding down on his thigh showing him the obedient whore you were for him. Nothing Yuta loved more was for you to beg for him, beg for his touch, need him. That was until the two of you heard footsteps and to your dismay it was the last person you’d ever want to see you trapped against a wall with the man you hated.
It was Lee Jeno.
“I’m sorry I - I’m sorry I’ll leave you guys alone-“ Jeno stumbled, he felt his cheeks heat up and made his quick exit out of the hallway.
“Jeno!” You called, pushing Yuta off and tried to neaten yourself. Yuta felt a heated sensation overcoming his body the moment he saw the look in your eye when you saw Jeno and the way you pushed him off like he was a piece of trash. Like he was nothing.
“You know maybe if you’d stop pretending like you don’t wanna fuck me then we can go back to normal” Yuta spat, not caring about the unfortunate situation that had just unfolded.
You turned around to face him and the next words that came out of your mouth you weren’t sure if you were going to regret it or not.
“You’re right Yuta that’s all you are to me and that’s all you ever will be, a good fuck for about an hour and that’s it. Other than that there’s no use for you. At all.”
You stormed away before Yuta could respond, but by now you would have heard his curses echoing throughout the hallway, the whole damn bar would’ve heard it. But there was nothing.
Absolute silence.
———————————————————————
It had been two weeks since the interaction with Yuta at the bar and what you had to him still resonated with you, wanting so badly to apologize. But each time you saw him at the office he paid you little to no attention, going on about his day peacefully and you didn’t want to interrupt that.
Jeno thankfully understood the situation and was more than willing to be the rebound guy, his only rule being that besides work related matters you needed to cut off communication with Yuta altogether.
‘It was the only way you’d get full closure and my mind would be at peace’ Jeno had said after you gave him the rundown of everything that had happened.
Jeno and you agreed to just casually date, nothing official and nothing too serious. You guys went on movie dates, cafe dates and kept the physical aspect to a minimum. It was simple. Laidback. A very normal form of dating.
“Y/n I’m gonna need you on a photo shoot set in a few hours” Taeyong peeped his head into your cubicle and you looked up at him with a frown, “I thought we were working on that rappers record party ?”
“Yeah that rapper wants you, Yangyang and Yuta to tag up the wall for a video segment of his photo shoot” Taeyong replied with a shrug and left you bewildered.
Yuta. From all the damn people he could’ve chosen you had to work beside the person who practically called trash in your last meeting.
Great.
You wrapped up the last of your work and headed downstairs to the parking lot where an Uber was waiting for you. Thankfully Yangyang  could talk anyone’s head off because just sitting next to Yuta during the car ride felt tense. Normally he’d be pushing you into Yangyang or commenting on how his tattoos were better than yours. But all he did was look out of the window watching as the buildings moved past, keeping his airpods in to avoid any type of communication with anyone.
“You guys are finally here! Good Mark Lee is waiting for you at the shoot location” a woman dressed in all black led you into what looked like a gymnasium turned into a giant canvas.
“Are we going to paint all of this ? Man this is going to take forever” Yangyang gasped as the three of you walked through cans of paint, staff members and models.
“You guys are the designers from black space who did that painting over at Jynx Club ?” A young guy approached who you quickly realized was the new hot rapper around town, Mark Lee.
“Uh yeah, that’s us” you chuckled shyly and looked around, “are we really doing up the entire room ?”
“Oh hell nah just the backdrop behind me” Mark waved his hand, “we just laid everything out for a few cgi effects but you guys, do ya thing over there!” You watched the hyped boy get called over by the director leaving the three of you faced with a gigantic piece of white board and no idea.
“Since you guys are uncultured and probably don’t listen to Mark Lee, let me be in charge of this piece” Yangyang pulled out his iPad and began scrolling through some of his sketches. “Be my guest” Yuta shrugged, completely disinterested in the topic and most likely just wanted to get done and go home.
Yangyang finally settled on something that utilized all three of your styles and you all put  on your white overalls, immediately getting to work.
The vibe of the whole job was quite chilled and because of the fumes most of the staff had left the gymnasium leaving the three of you to work in peace. “God I need to pee so bad,” Yangyang groaned as he dangled from a ladder, an aerosol can in hand and a nearly completed section in his corner.
“Dude take a break we’re way behind you anyway” you walked over to steady the ladder as Yangyang finally made his way down. “Thanks guys, be back in 20” he shot you a thumbs up and disappeared into the tunnel leading to the gym lockers.
The tension returned but it was somehow worse than ever before. Even though Yuta was minding his own business for the first time while retrieving a paintbrush he looked at you. There was no unsettling glare or the feeling that he was pissed off at you, he just looked at you like he’d look at anyone else.
And somehow that felt even worse.
“Yuta…do you mind if we talk for a bit” you cleared your throat and he looked over at you and removed one of his airpods signaling to you that he was listening.
“Okay Uhm well I want to apologize for what I said that night” you bit down on your lip, “I didn’t mean it, and it was selfish of me to even think of you like that after coming onto you in the first place.”
Yuta blinked and eventually just nodded, “apology accepted, and I can see that you like Jeno so I’m trying to stay out of the way” he shrugged and continued painting as if this conversation wasn’t that deep to begin with.
“Are you not going to get me back? Are you sure you’re Yuta ?” You raised a brow and Yuta’s manic laugh echoed throughout the gymnasium, “you want me to be mean to you ? Wow y/n that’s truly some kink you got there”
“Ugh you know what I mean” you shoved him playfully, unaware that the brush you were wearing was still wet and now Yuta’s jaw adorned a light shade of orange.
“Oh shit I’m sorry” you quickly said but Yuta had already responded by swiping his red painted fingertips across your cheek and smirked, “now we’re even.”
“Hey mine is way worse than yours!” You grumbled and flicked more paint at Yuta which then enabled a paint war between the two of you. Yuta giggled so much that for a second you forgot how silent he actually had been the past two weeks. He was back to his usual self and so were you, playfully making a mess with him until Yangyang emerged from the tunnel and yelled,  “What are you morons doing ?!”
You and Yuta stood still in the middle of the room both covered head to toe in paint but the scene was way too comical to hold in your laughter any longer.
“Yangyang we’re so sorry but look, it gave the canvas a little more color” you gestured to it and you weren’t lying, it actually did look a lot better than before.
“Fine you two can go on break, I'll finish up so we’re not sitting around until midnight” Yangyang huffed and returned to his masterpiece. “Is there a place to clean up here ?” Yuta asked and the woman from earlier on walked in and pointed to the tunnel located in the back of the gym, “there are bathrooms and showers back there, our crew provided fresh towels as well so go ahead” she smiled and you silently thanked her before heading to the tunnel with Yuta.
“God I have paint everywhere” you whined as you took a look at yourself in the mirror. Yuta chuckled as he began inspecting himself, looking at the peculiar fingerprints all over his face and neck. “This shit better not stain my skin” he grumbled as he picked away a piece of paint from a crevice in his ear.  “Tell me about it” you responded and began removing the overalls. All you could think of was jumping into that shower stall and allowing the hot water to melt away all the grime and paint when you noticed Yuta was already down to his boxers.
Your gasp made Yuta snicker to himself as he walked around the bathroom looking for the ideal stall to take his shower in.
“Nothing you haven’t seen before” you heard him say before hopping into one of the stalls and drawing the curtain. Despite his words being correct it still made your cheeks heat up with embarrassment. You guys were comfortable like this before, not now, not with Jeno in your life.
You shook your head and entered a stall opposite Yuta and a few rows down, just so you weren’t close to him but not far enough that made you feel alone.
“Fuck how is their paint on my ass ? That’s impossible!” Yuta groaned and you couldn’t help but laugh, “TMI, Yuta” you replied and Yuta scoffed, “says the person who’s responsible for this.” The banter ended and again all you heard was the sound of both showers hitting your bodies simultaneously, the air filled with steam and more unusual tension.
“Y/n ?”
“Yeah?”
Yuta was silent for a while and then you heard his water turn off. “Do you uhm mind checking if I got all the paint off my back ? I’ll uhm put my boxers on” he mumbled and you felt your heartbeat speed up.
First of all the Yuta you knew would’ve just walked over butt ass naked and pulled your curtain aside not caring at all. The way he acted now was out of character, but somewhat familiar.
“Yuta I’m still in the shower and naked” you chewed on the inside of your cheek while you waited in silence.
“I’ll close my eyes, I just don’t want this shit to dry up when we get back to work later” he replied and you heard his light footsteps coming toward you. Quickly moving your hair back and holding the curtain against your body, you slowly peeled back the material to reveal Yuta with his back facing you and with his eyes closed, like he said.
You peered down at his golden skin, taking in his broad shoulders and tiny waist as you inspected for any more signs of acrylic paint.
“Uhm yeah you have a little on your shoulder blade and lower back”
“Do…you mind…”
You bit down on your lip knowing this was already crossing the line. But you had just made up and it was your fault that he had paint on his back in the first place. It was innocent. That’s what you had to keep telling yourself while staring at one of the sexiest people you had ever met.
You began rubbing away pieces of the paint, ignoring Yuta’s whines when you used too much pressure. Your hands traced down to his lower back, settling in the dip as you tried to remove a very stubborn piece of paint.
“Ugh this one is not coming off” you scratched at it and to your surprise Yuta had let out a moan instead of the usual wincing.
“I don’t mean to kink shame but-“
Yuta spun around and glared at you, challenging you to finish your sentence but you were more concerned at the fact that the only thing protecting your nude body from Yuta right now was a thin piece of fabric.
“Yuta!” You scolded and he rolled his eyes, “oh please y/n I’ve seen it all, now can you please help me with the paint ?”
You watched wide eyed as Yuta stepped into the shower going back on his word to close his eyes and face the wall. You couldn’t believe what was happening right now but the quicker you removed the paint the quicker he’d be out of here.
“Aren’t your boxers…going to get wet ?” You watched him step closer to water already allowing his hair to soak up the warm stream. “Well you’re not gonna let me take them off with you in here and I’ll probably just go commando when we get back to the office” Yuta shrugged and you should’ve known that was one of his options since he has done it in the past.
You sighed and let go of the curtain allowing your naked body to be free and go back to work on his paint splatter. Yuta was calm and collected throughout the process, you silently commended him on his restraint, that was until he decided to turn around and look at you.
“Y-Yuta you promised” your voice was small but you still didn’t do much to cover up your body. Yuta leaned against the cold ceramic wall as he stared at you, his stare was dark, inviting you in like that night at the bar.
“I’m not going to do anything y/n unless you want me to” he reassured you, still maintaining a distance and doing absolutely nothing to persuade you. But did you need persuasion when all he needed to do was be in the same room as you?
The two of you stared in each other’s eyes for a few minutes and you had no idea who actually made the first move but there you were in the center of the shower stall, in a random gymnasium, kissing Yuta Nakamoto.
Yuta’s bare body was pressed against yours as the two of you fought for dominance in the kiss. You placed your hands on his chest to which he responded by wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you closer until his hardened member twitched against your stomach. There were no words, just actions. Each kiss only made you more desperate for him, not feeling this type of arousal since that night at the bar. He was the only person who could turn you on to the point that every image of Jeno was erased from your mind.
You tugged down his boxers with urgency and Yuta helped you quicken the process, quickly kicking away the piece of clothing and had you pushed up against the wall with your legs wrapped around his waist. Yuta pulled away from your lips with a sultry bite on your bottom lip and lined up his member with your core. He kept his eyes on you the entire time from the moment he slipped into your wetness to the harsh thrusts he was now giving to you against the coldness of the wall. You felt like you were complete, filled with the right amount of passion and ecstasy. God you hated to admit it but nobody could fuck you the way Yuta did. Absolutely no one.
Yuta slowed down his thrusts and you brought your feet back to the ground, gesturing for him to take a seat on the floor and got on top of his member once more. Yuta threw his head back as you rode him relentlessly, grabbing onto your ass as he tried to meet your rhythm. The sight of him partially under the water and his swollen lips was delicious, you couldn’t ask for a better view right now. Yuta on the hand was also enjoying having you bounce on his length, quickly realizing that the women he had bedded during his time without you were not worth it. Not a single one of them made him feel the way you did. Even the times you guys were fucking around he’d sleep with other women because he didn’t want to admit that you are his best. You will always be his best.
“G-gonna cum” you panted and Yuta quickly rubbed circles on your clit to help you reach your orgasm. He watched your body spasm and you threw your head back with a soft moan. The sight alone made him come undone straight after you, filling you up completely.
You slowly got to your feet with the help of Yuta offering his hand and managed to finally catch your breath.
What the fuck did you just do ?
“Before you say this was a mistake and you hate me, hear me out” Yuta spoke up, “I need to know something”
You bit down on your lip. “Yeah?”
“Do you like me ?”
“What ?” You quietly questioned and Yuta sighed, rubbing his temples, “do you like me y/n ? actually like me ? Or is it you just like fucking me ?”
“I don’t know Yuta you know that I’m seeing Je-“you began explaining before Yuta quickly cut you off. “Don’t say his name, listen I know you like fucking me because that’s what happened right now despite whatever feelings you have for…Jen..him.”
“So what am I supposed to do ?” You asked, still unsure of how you were even going to face Jeno back at the office after this.
“Use me,” Yuta deadpanned, “keep me as your dirty little secret and I won’t tell a soul. I just don’t want this to end. I’m fucking addicted to this, and clearly you’re in need of me just as much as I need you.”
Yuta took a step forward and cupped your cheek with the palm of his hand. “I just crave you all goddamn day and nothing is fulfilling that need until right now.”
You knew exactly what he was talking about but you couldn’t bring yourself to share how much you ached for him. Late nights when you were alone you even pleased yourself with memories of him. You were unsure if it was lust at this point or you actually missed being around him. Despite every fight and argument the two of you had, there was something always drawing you in.
“First of all I don’t hate you” you sighed and he chuckled dryly before you continued, “I don’t know if this is a good idea but I’m only agreeing because Jeno and I aren’t serious yet and if we are-“
“I’ll back off I promise” Yuta quickly added and you nodded, “he can’t know about this, nobody can.”
“You have my word” Yuta pressed his lips together and for the first time he looked absolutely serious. Something in you made you trust that he wouldn’t fuck this up, because that would mean the one thing he wanted most right now would fall through.
You just hoped that this little need the two of you had for each other wasn’t turning into an…obsession.
————————————————————————-
“You guys are finally back” Ten stretched his arms above his head as you, Yangyang and Yuta returned back to the office after quite an eventful afternoon.
“Wanna see pics ? It turned out great!” Yangyang grinned quickly, running over to the older guys, showing off his artwork. Jeno was over at the game area with Sungchan completely invested in beating his friend in a round of Call Of Duty.
“Hey you” you sunk into the beanbag next to Jeno who shot you a quick glance before concentrating on his next move, “your hairs wet, why ?”
“Showered after the painting session” you answered diligently hoping there were no follow up questions. Thankfully he was way too invested in his video game to care much, you really weren't in the mood for an interrogation after half a day with Yuta.
Jeno asked a lot of questions when he felt insecure about something. Even though time had been short with him, it still somehow felt like a 2 year relationship. For a young guy Jeno was pretty old fashioned, he made you pick all the date places and never bothered to make the first move physically until you hinted to him that it was okay.
He was so different to what you were used to and you were afraid that if you didn’t speed things up with him this little secret with Yuta would turn into a reality.
“Hey y/n can you help me with lunch ?” Doyoung called from the makeshift kitchen area a few feet away and you silently thanked him for distracting you from your thoughts.
“Hey Doyoung” you smiled as you began opening containers from the Chinese delivery you guys frequented. “Just wanted to check in with you” Doyoung sweetly said as he grabbed a few utensils, “you and Jeno huh ? Was that part of my advice ?”
You pressed your lips together and nodded. “Yeah I guess so, it also helps that I’ve known him for a while now and he did actually have a thing for me in high school” Doyoung cocked his head at your words and leaned in, “and you liked him back or you’re seeing something in him now that you didn’t see before ?”
“U-uhm I think he’s hot” you chewed on your lip and Doyoung chuckled softly, “you know not everything is about looks or…hooking up, do you enjoy his time ? His interests ? His company ?”
You turned back to where Jeno was still playing his video games and you did feel a little confused as to what you guys actually did have in common. “I mean…” you began, crossing your arms across your chest, “we’ve only been seeing each other romantically for two weeks I think it’s too soon to tell.”
Doyoung combed back his hair and instead of bringing forth his insight in order to make you see things clearer he just nodded.
“You’re probably right, well I wish you guys all the best, it’s better than being with someone who doesn’t care emotionally right ?”
You slowly nodded and with that Doyoung began taking the food to the dining area leaving you with more confusing thoughts than you had before.
Lunch and the rest of the evening went on smoothly. Yuta stayed out of your way and there was absolutely no sign that the two of you we’re together that day. It was easier to fake seeing Yuta since the group knew the two of you would’ve been bickering straight after hooking up. It was the perfect illusion.
“Mark Lee’s party is at 9pm tomorrow night you guys, don’t forget” Taeyong looked around the room until he heard a confirmation from every single mouth.
“9pm ? Shit would it be okay if I only stuck around for an hour ?” Jeno sighed and looked over at Taeyong, “my brothers in town and I promised I'd get him from the airport at 10:30.”
“Well you’d have to show one of the guys here how to turn the installation on” Doyoung’s worried look matched Taeyong.
“I’ll be there to turn it on I’ll just need to leave straight after” Jeno assured them and squeezed your hand under the table, “it’s all really sudden but you’ll be okay right ?”
“I’ll be fine, I’m probably going to head home after the music video airing anyway” you smiled at him and he placed a soft kiss on your forehead earning a whistle from Lucas.
Yuta awkwardly shuffled at the sudden PDA and he hoped no one at the table noticed but it caught the attention of none other than Johnny Suh who narrowed his eyes at his coffee run mate.
The evening had wrapped up and everyone had already headed home except for Yuta and Johnny who were adamant on finishing a photography project for a band they were working with.
“Trouble in paradise ?” Johnny hummed as he edited an image on his laptop. Yuta, who was busy sorting out the Polaroids, turned to face his large best friend with a lost expression.
“Huh?” He raised a brow to which Johnny shook his head still staring at his screen.
“I can’t believe this, after all these fucking hellish months now you realize you like her?”
Yuta leaned in on the desk. “What the heck are you on about Johnny ?”
“Y/n” Johnny sighed and your name made Yuta’s heart race a bit, hoping Johnny hadn’t found out about the shower incident. God you’d hate him forever if anyone found out.
“Listen Johnny we-“
“You like her! After all those months of fighting I knew you were secretly in love and now” Johnny threw his hands in the air, “now that Jeno has entered the arena you have ruined your chances. Way to go buddy.”
“Wait what ?! I’m not in love with y/n!” Yuta scoffed. Saying that sentence out loud felt like a lie even though he couldn’t fully convince himself.  Was he in love ? Was Johnny mistaking love for just lust ?
That’s all it was and ever was right ?
You enjoyed fucking around with him and he was okay with it. That’s what he wanted too. Even if you didn’t answer his question of whether you liked him or not, it was okay. Whatever you wanted was okay as long he got to be with you.
“I’m not in love with y/n.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You and Jeno arrived at the party with Yangyang and Sungchan all helping carry equipment for Jeno’s installation. The piece was a pixel art board that formed Mark Lee’s latest EP cover, and once plugged in it gave it an animated effect, basically bringing the EP cover to life. You marvelled at the hard work Jeno had put in, it was just a shame that he wasn't sticking around to receive praise from everyone who attended.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay here ? I know how much you hate these parties” Jeno pressed his lips together as he brought you into a tight hug. You hummed and looked up at him smiling, “Only been dragged to one of these parties a million times, another round won't hurt.” Jeno responded by pressing his lips to your forehead before joining Sungchan in setting up the installation. You always wondered why Jeno opted for your forehead instead of your lips most of the time despite already having your first real kiss. You understood he wasn't big on PDA, but the only time you ever got to kiss him was at your apartment door when a date had ended or when you sneaked in a kiss at the cinema. As much as you liked his chivalry, God at times you just wished he took initiative and bent you over your kitchen counter and had his way with you. It was kinda humorous how Jeno was the ideal type of any women out there but for you, you needed an unhinged, sex-crazed maniac to match your energy.
You needed Yu-
“It looks really good Jeno.” Your breathing hitched when you heard Yuta’s voice from behind you. You turned around but to your surprise he wasn't alone. Yuta was accompanied by a familiar face, Mei, a part-time designer from a few floors down. The way she held onto his arm made something stir inside of you. Your cheeks burned up and you dare say it for the first time you felt...jealous.
You were used to seeing Yuta with many different girls but it was always some nobody that he never bothered to introduce to the group. He always made sure none of them integrated with his work life but Mei, Mei was the first person you actually knew.
“y/n its been a while, Oh my God you look great” she said sweetly and you returned a friendly smile despite your awkwardness. Yuta gave you a quick glance not really paying you any mind as he kept a steady hand on Mei’s lower back, the two of them practically looking like a couple. It made you feel uneasy. After all he had said to you that afternoon in the shower, It seemed like he didn't mean it.
“It’s perfect Jeno you really outdid yourself” Taeyong applauded as the rest of the team finally arrived, all congratulating Jeno on his first big project under Blank Space. Jeno shyly thanked everyone and checked his watch, sighing that it was already time for him to depart.
“You're going now ?” You walked over to wrap your arms around his waist. You didn't care much before about Jeno leaving early, before Yuta decided to bring a date to the party which meant you would definitely be on your own. Jeno pouted and stroked your head, “yeah, we're still on for Sunday though right ?” and you replied with a nod before sinking into one of his very warm hugs. You had no idea why, but the need to ease your jealousy and get back at Yuta was so strong that you ended up pulling out of the hug and kissed Jeno in front of everyone. Thankfully Jeno didn't shy away and maybe the guilt of leaving you made him return the kiss, wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you against your body.
“Get a room you guys” Ten joked when the two of you finally pulled away, and Jeno chuckled shyly before leaning into your ear, “let’s do that more often” he cheekily smiled and pecked your lips once more before making his way to the exit. Johnny watched as Yuta still looked visibly uncomfortable, more so now than before. But Johnny also knew how damn stubborn Yuta was and watched him throw his arm around Mei, departing from the group most likely for the rest of the night.
It was late into the night and Yuta was already way too many shots down to call himself sober. Mei was talking but he was not listening. Mei was a nice girl who had made it known to him that she liked him for a while now, but unfortunately for her she was not you. All Yuta wanted was you and again he cursed himself for being so fucking hooked. He wanted to make you jealous but after he saw you kiss Jeno it just came back to him ten thousand times harder. He came to terms with his addiction now in his drunken state he was scanning the crowd for a glimpse of the only person he cared about.
You.
“Hey I'm going to leave now...do you want to come with ?” Mei nervously bit down on her lip hoping the man she's been pining for months will finally take notice of her.
“Nah im good, I’m probably going to wait until my friends leave” Yuta replied coldly, his eyes still scanning the crowd as he took another sip from his jack daniels and coca-cola concoction. Mei nodded, disappointed that her night had not gone as planned and left silently, leaving her date to finally gain his freedom.
Yuta scanned the crowd for the tenth time until he did a double take at a figure in the back corner, dancing on their own with no care in the world. Downing the rest of his drink Yuta kept his eyes focused on you despite the alcohol blurring his vision and his body feeling heavy, he had to get to you.
You were in the same state as him, most likely worse since Lucas challenged you to a drink off. You had no clue when you separated from the rest of the group so you stuck a little corner hoping to sober up before heading home. As you swayed along to the music you felt someone wrap their hands around your waist and the familiar scent of that Tom Ford perfume made you realize who it was.
“Yuta…” you groaned, pulling his hands away from your body, still remembering how awful he made you feel a few hours earlier. God were you the rebound chick now ? The thought alone was sickening.
Yuta, still blissfully unaware that you were mad at him, still pushed his body against yours until your back was pressed against the wall and you had no choice but to look up at him. You watched him move his face down in order to capture your lips, but you quickly evaded it with a turn of your head. Yuta scoffed and sufficed for your neck, giving you soft wet kisses all the way down to your collarbones until you pushed him off yet again.
“What the fuck ?” He growled in your ear, “I thought we had a deal.” You rolled your eyes at him, there was the side of Yuta you hated the most. You wondered how long it would be until he factory reseted back to an asshole.
“I thought I was first choice” you snapped at him, “all your talk about no one can satisfy you like I can, use me y/n, I only want you” you mimicked his voice and flipped him off with your finger. Yuta knew you were jealous but it was kind of ironic given the situation. You were the one in a relationship, not him. “Oh so I'm supposed to see you suck face with Jeno but I can't have any fun y/n ?” Yuta had you back against the wall, this time his hand was locked on your jaw with his lips against your ear.
“Maybe I should've fucked Mei” Yuta’s voice was dark, you felt him smirk against your ear when his words clearly affected you, “Maybe if I fucked her she would've been so good that i would forget all about you y/n.” Your eyes darted to him and he cocked his head, challenging you, waiting to see how much you could take before you caved. Normally you’d be the one getting Yuta riled up like this. It was common knowledge that Yuta was a very jealous person and just mentioning another man sexually he would lose his mind. Once you were craving his attention and casually mentioned to him that if Doyoung was interested you’d let him screw you on his office desk, and Yuta responded by fucking you senseless in the supply closet until the only name that escaped your lips was his.
But now the tables were turned and you didn't want to hear about Mei. You didn't want to picture her next to Yuta let alone in bed with him. It was selfish on your part considering Jeno, but you wanted Yuta all to yourself.
“Shut up” you narrowed your eyes at him and grabbed a fist full of his shirt and brought him closer. Yuta traced his thumb over your lips and smiled, already knowing he won this round.
“Tell me why I cant fuck her right now y/n, tell me” he coaxed, and you responded by pulling him into a sensual kiss, your tongue slipping into his mouth and your hand palming his member until you heard him groan in your ear,
You pulled away from the kiss and pressed your swollen lips to his ear, “Because...you're mine.” Yuta licked his own lips at your words and grabbed at your ass,
“Show me I'm yours, baby.”
You had no idea when and how the both of you got to Yuta’s apartment in one piece but the moment he had his foot in the door, Yuta was tugging your dress over your head. “Fuck why do you always wear the most  complicated things” Yuta whined which you found cute even though you would never let him know that you were well aware of his adorable side. Sighing from victory, Yuta finally got your dress off and pulled you into his familiar bedroom, which you honestly missed so fucking much.
Taking in the familiar scent of his perfume and his slightly messy room, with posters on the walls, and a rack of band shirts - it was his little heaven and you loved it.
You walked over to lie on his bed, sinking into the soft fabric of the bed sheets as a familiar rock song began playing from Yuta’s stereo. You watched him as he discarded his shirt and ripped jeans, showing off his chest tattoos and belly ring, just the sight of him was already making you wet. Yuta was none the better, groaning as his boner pushed against the fabric of his underwear as his eyes took in your body, sexily laid out for him like you used to be.
“Fuck…” his lips parted as he watched you spread your legs, waiting for him obediently. Yuta crawled up onto the bed and nestled in between your thighs, his mischievous eyes looking up at yours before he began peeling away the thin piece of fabric revealing your core.
“You're…so…wet baby” he said in a low voice and leaned in to give your heat a soft kiss. The instant contact made your body shiver, reaching down to play with his dark curls. “Yuta…please” you whined as he continued his light kisses, not giving you the pressure you desired. Yuta looked up with an innocent face and cocked his head, “Why should I do it ?” His fingers traced circles on your hips and abdomen, waiting for an answer.
“Because…you’re mine Yuta, I want you…all to myself…I want to please me, only me” you threw your head back. Not having sex for over a month was really getting to you and the frustration had you saying just about anything. Yuta watched you squirm and after hearing those words he figured it was a good enough reward for his dear fuck-buddy. Yuta kissed your core once more but this time his tongue darted out every once in a while, awarding you with a better sensation. You moaned inaudible words as he began eating you out like a pro, lapping away like his life depended on it before inserting two fingers inside you.
“Yuta wait I’m gonna-“ you grabbed onto his hair, feeling your orgasm come on way too early for your liking as his fingers moved rapidly and his tongue licked away at your clit. Yuta ignored your plea knowing this was only the first of many and honestly he was glad that he was still the only man giving you orgasms for the past couple of months.
Yuta pulled away, a devilish smirk spread across his face as he watched you cum all over his fingers and just as your vision was in focus you had the pleasure of seeing him lick his fingers clean as if he just had the most amazing meal ever,
“Mmmm tasty” he bit down on his lip and winked at you. God he was so damn cocky, and it didn’t take you long to recover from that orgasm to make room for another. You got to your knees and sat back, your face now level with Yuta’s clothed member.
Yuta groaned as you palmed him, his length already twitching against your touch. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone but since the night you had called it off with him, his desire had subsided and he wondered if you were the sole reason for his high sex drive. You placed your lips against his belly ring, giving it a kiss before pulling down his boxers and allowing his member to spring free. Yuta cursed as your tongue swiped across the tip and you looked up at him with those large eyes, and Yuta knew exactly what you were waiting for. Positioning your mouth over his tip, you waited until Yuta grabbed a fistful of your hair and guided you down on his length, groaning loudly as you took in all of him.
Yuta’s hips began to meet your rhythm and the grip on your hair tightened, the sudden roughness made you shiver with excitement. You and Yuta always liked it rough, since it took out your anger on each other and any type of nurturing or romance would throw off the dynamic.  
Yuta threw his head back as he released, keeping you on him until you swallowed every bit. He muttered curse words as he pulled out and watched you lick your lips, swiping the corner of your mouth with your thumb and sucked it off.
“Yum” you mimicked his words from earlier with a smirk essentially driving Yuta crazy with lust. You giggled as he pushed you onto the bed and attacked you with bites and kisses, leading from your neck down to the valley of your breasts. “How long until you get hard again?” You sighed playfully but winced when Yuta’s teeth sunk into your skin, punishing you for your words.
“Cocky aren’t we ?” He moved back up to your lips and kissed you passionately. Just as you began melting into the kiss, Yuta pulled away and jumped off his bed heading to his closet.
“What are you doing ?” You groaned as you watched him sift through the mess of his closet until he finally retrieved a familiar box. “Yuta you’re literally hard right now, come on let’s just fuck already” you whined, knowing that when Yuta brought out that box it was his way of getting rid of your bratty attitude.
“If you wanna be impatient two can play at that game” he grinned and hopped onto the bed, pulling out his favorite pair of hair cuffs and with ease, cuffed you to his headboard. You watched him look through his box of toys, rubbing your thighs together excited about what his choice will be.
Yuta grabbed something out of the box and discarded the rest onto the floor, making his way back up to your body and pressed his lips against your ear, “you remember the safe word baby ?” Yuta pecked you when you nodded and you watched him insert a mini vibrator in your core and roll off the bed with the remote in his hand.
“I wasn’t even that mean to you” you grumbled, still getting used to the device inserted in you. Yuta shrugged and turned the device on, keeping it on a low setting as he watched you stir in his bed.
“I’m not punishing you for that actually, I’m punishing you for something else you did” he said calmly, pacing around the room butt ass naked.  You frowned and thought back to the party when he had found you, what did you say to him ?
“I’m sorry I pushed you…away” you pouted but a moan escaped your lips when you felt the setting turn higher and you watched Yuta shake his head, “nope that’s not it.” You groaned and threw your head back, unable to even think what the hell he could be on about. Yuta would get mad at every little thing so it honestly could’ve been anything.
“Can’t I have a hint or something ?” You pleaded and Yuta raised his eyebrow and eventually sighed, giving in too easily. “It happened in the beginning at the party” he said annoyingly, and finally something in your brain clicked.
“The kiss ? You’re mad over the kiss ?” Your words fell off when you felt the vibrator go another setting higher, the new speed was decent enough to start building a second orgasm. “You don’t sound like you’re apologizing for it” Yuta scoffed and dangled the remote in front of your face, “this goes up 4 more speeds y/n.”
“Why do I need to apologize for kissing my boyfriend when-“
Another setting higher.
“Fuck wait Yuta” you breathed, it was impossible to even keep focused at the new speed and the sensation was now running throughout your entire body. “You kissed him in front of me to make me jealous didn't you?” Yuta questioned and you nodded frantically, pressing your thighs together to ease the intensity, “yes yes oh my God, I wanted to make you….jealous because you brought someone else…and..fuck” just as you felt your body finally build up a perfect orgasm the vibrator suddenly turned off and you were met with Yuta’s cocky smile.
“You like to have it all don’t you y/n” he hummed as flung the remote aside and knelt between your thighs that were shaking from the orgasm denial. “You want to fuck me, but not let me fuck anyone else, you want Jeno but you don’t want me to get mad over it” he continued as he pulled the dripping wet toy out of your core and tossed it to the floor. Yuta placed his hands on either side of you and looked down at your defeated face and smiled, “Do you want me to fuck someone else?”
You shook your head and Yuta undid one of the handcuffs. He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek and again asked you another question, “Do you want to fuck me ?” and you quickly nodded, earning your second hand free from the cuffs allowing them to fall to your sides. Yuta placed his hand around your throat and squeezed gently, smirking as you arched your back, thirsting for him so desperately.
“Who would fuck you better, me or Jeno ?” Yuta mused as his hand released a bit of pressure on your throat. “Y-you” your voice was small and Yuta released your throat and his hand moved down to smack your thigh.
“Say it, say who will fuck you better” he hissed.
“You Yuta, you will fuck me better than anyone…better than Jeno” Yuta grinned at your words, a little surprised that you used Jeno’s name in such a blasphemous way. He was in euphoria at this point. It was all he needed to hear after continuously seeing you and Jeno look as if you were in love with each other.
It was all wrong.
You and him loved each other.
Fuck. He loved you. He really did.
Yuta pushed his length into your core and groaned as the realization of his thoughts and his conversation with Johnny all hit him at once. The sight of you beneath him, moaning his name and your confession that you wanted him over Jeno. It was all too much.
You moaned as he thrusted into you, his hips violently hitting against yours as your nails dug into his lower back. The lewd sounds filled the room and for a second the two of you looked into each other’s eyes, both feeling something…different. Usually Yuta would be fucking you from behind, his favourite position because he loved looking at your ass but tonight especially after his sudden questioning, he took care of you differently.
You don’t know what came over you and it was yet another thing you never did during sex but you pulled him down to kiss you. Your lips moved passionately against his, desperately clinging to his body as his strokes became longer and more powerful. Yuta sighed into the kiss, palming your cheek and his movements suddenly became more gentle as if he were making love to you, not fucking you.
“Yuta…I’m close” you moaned into his ear, loving this new feeling of him on your body. Yuta hummed in response and quickened his pace, making sure to sneak in a kiss every now and then until he finally brought you to your long awaited orgasm. You watched him bite down on his lip as he thrusted into you, chasing his own orgasm until he pressed his against your ear and said the words you never thought you’d hear from him.
“I love you y/n”
Your body slightly froze as Yuta finally came and he rolled off your body, mentally cursing himself for allowing those words to escape his mouth at this moment. But it’s what he felt.
Johnny was right.
“W-what ?” You finally managed to say and turned to him. Yuta licked his lips and kept his focus on the ceiling above him.
“You heard me right” he said calmly and you felt your heart race. Where was this coming from ? He was the one who always implemented the no romance rule and he chooses now, the moment you’re seeing someone else to confess to you.
“I have to go” you murmured and jumped off the bed, starting to collect your clothes from the floor. You heard the bed creak and Yuta sat up and watched you dress up. “It’s late now y/n and you drank, stay the night and leave when the suns up” he insisted, eventually grabbing his own boxers,
“Here you can sleep in one of my shirts and you’re welcome to sleep in my bed for the night.”
“Y-you…that was one of the rules…no staying over” you were biting on your nails, everything that had happened in the last ten minutes made no sense. Yuta shoved the shirt into your hands and sighed, “Look, we don’t have to talk about what I said or what happened, just stay the night and you can go back to your perfect life with Jeno.” Yuta began making his way to his door when you grabbed onto his arm making him stop in his tracks,
“Where are you going ?” You asked him softly.
Yuta looked at you and sighed, “I’m going to sleep on the couch.”
“Yuta..”
“What ?”
“Stay with me.”
—-—————————————————————
You had no idea why you had told him to stay in bed with you considering all that had happened a few minutes ago. But here you were, curled into his chest listening to his heartbeat as he lightly stroked your hair.
“How…long ?” You broke the silence and felt his heartbeat slightly race, “The realization came recently but I’ve…always liked you y/n” Yuta responded softly.
“Well you don’t have a good way of showing it” you rolled your eyes and Yuta’s soft laughter filled the room. “Well at first you actually were annoying but I did find you cute” He replied and shifted until you were on your back looking up at him,
“You put up with me and we’re not afraid to fight back. You know it’s not even about the sex, I think we’ve always enjoyed each other’s company, we just have a weird way of showing it.” You listened to his words and did a bit of reflection for yourself. You were already well aware that he occupied your mind 24/7 and did not enjoy seeing him around other girls he would eventually sleep with. But was this…love ? You weren't so sure.
“Do you ever think it’s more of an addiction rather than…love ?” You looked up at him, hoping your words did not offend his sudden confession in any way. Yuta sighed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling deep in thought.
“What is love then ?” He murmured, clearly by the look on his face he had been pondering on this question for a while now. You joined him in laying on your back and looked up at the ceiling, “love is when the other person completes you” you began, “when you’re having a dull day and just the sight of them could turn that around. Love is wanting to protect that person all the time, it’s just love.”
Yuta turned to you, “have you ever been in love ?”
You shook your head. “I don’t think so.”  Yuta shrugged and returned his focus above him, “whatever you just described is how I feel, but maybe I’m just still hung up on the Jeno situation.” You felt a pang in your chest as if you just completely destroyed his spirit. You always saw Yuta as a strong confident presence, yet the person next to you seemed lost, he looked broken. But deep down you knew that whatever he was describing had floated in your head from time to time, maybe it needed to be said out loud for you to finally realize.
“Give me a week”
“Huh ?” Yuta’s eyebrows raised at you.
“Give me a week to figure all of this out and we will have this talk again” you sat up and looked back at him. Yuta propped himself up on his elbows and shook his head, “y/n, if you don’t feel the same way it’s okay I won’t come in between you and…Jeno anymore.”
“Yuta”
“Hmm?”
You pulled the boy by his shirt until you were able to lock your lips with his, slipping your tongue into his mouth and he mimicked your actions before pulling away, a confused expression spreading across his face.
“I don’t know where this is going to go and whether we’re right for each other,” you chuckled dryly, “but I will always want you Yuta, you’re not coming between Jeno and I because the one who wants… .”
————————————————————————
It was finally Monday and you already regretted seeing Jeno at the office since you faked a terrible hangover to get out of the Sunday date, something that wasn’t entirely a lie. You spent the whole of Sunday laying in your bed thinking about the night you spent with Yuta and all that was shared during the morning.
You thought back on your own words about what your version of love was. Protecting someone. You reminisced about the days when Yuta got sick after a night out and you were the one to take care of him despite his protests. You thought back to when the two of you were working on a project, arguing as usual and you managed to slip on a wet paint spot, causing you to sprain your ankle. Yuta was the one to help you around the office when needed, he wasn’t appointed to you nor did he have to use up his own time to help you but he did it anyway.
When you were having a dull day the person you loved would find a way to brighten it up, just the sight of them was enough. There was an occasion where a client got real mean with you in the office, and hated the project you worked almost a month on, refusing to pay you for the labor you had put in. Yuta had seen the commotion and joined you in your booth and the two of you flooded the clients company with hilarious bad reviews anonymously until you were literally tearing up from laughter. That was one of the rare days the two of you didn’t get into an argument and the moment completely slipped your mind. You had  forgotten that Yuta and you actually shared fond memories of each other outside the bedroom.
You thought about every moment you got to the office and Yuta would be sticking his tongue out at you, calling you names and being a jerk as usual. But days when he had to work out of the office felt boring, empty, it wasn’t worth sitting in your cubicle without seeing him across from you.
But then after feeling the warm fuzziness of knowing Yuta felt the same way about you, your phone buzzed with Jeno’s name across the screen. Why were you doing this to him ? Why was Jeno in the crossfire when all he wanted to do was get to know you better ?
All you ever wanted was a distraction from the man you were scared to fall in love with.
“Heyyy you, you feeling okay ?” Jeno beamed when you entered the office, immediately bringing you into a tight hug and ending with a kiss on the cheek. You nodded and the sense of guilt over took your body as you looked up at his cheery smile.
“I heard you guys got so wasted at the party, damn I wish I stayed” Jeno giggled as the two of you walked hand in hand over to your cubicle. “Yeah it was…crazy” you faked a smile before settling in your seat. You looked across, a force of habit and you were greeted by a soft smile from Yuta before quietly returning to his work.
“I was thinking we should go see that new marvel movie tonight, what do you think ?” Jeno’s eyes were so bright and full of energy that everytime you looked into them it just made it harder to keep up your facade. “I’m pretty busy this week but hey Friday you can come over, I…need to talk to you anyway” you bit down on your lip and Jeno’s expression changed from excited to slightly wary, clearly noticing that something wasn’t quite right.
“Is….everything okay?” He asked in a staggered voice, and you slowly nodded and reached to squeeze his hand, “yeah let’s hang out on Friday okay ?” You smiled and Jeno pressed his lips together and nodded. You watched him exit your cubicle and all that was left in your view was the only person you wanted to see today, Yuta.
Yuta looked up and caught your stare, smiling softly as he rested his chin on the palm of his hand and winked at you. It was sweet and innocent, nothing like how he usually acted from across the room. You found yourself blushing and hid your face until you heard a beep come from your phone. Opening the messenger app you were greeted by a picture of yourself hiding your crimson cheeks with the message ‘Cute’ attached to it.
y/n: didn’t take you for a simp.
yutaa: fuck off, I have a folder like this.
You stifled your laughter when Yuta sent a screenshot with a folder just of you in your cubicle. From you flipping him off, to you glaring at him clearly pissed off at something he had said, and one of you trying your best to pay attention to whatever story Yangyang was on about.
y/n: oh my god you’re a BIG SIMP.
yutaa: maybe.
y/n: well I do have ONE of you that I don’t have the heart to delete.
yutaa: oh really ?
You sent Yuta a picture you absolutely treasured of him in your bed fast asleep hugging one of your plushies. It was one of the last nights you had with him before things got sour. Normally you’d never allow him to nap in your bed after a hookup but he looked so at peace and so adorable  that you decided to bend the rules a little.
yutaa: that was a good ass nap. yutaa: simp.
y/n: maybe.
The rest of the day went on and honestly you felt as if you were on cloud nine, chatting to Yuta like he was your high school crush. Smiling every time he texted back and glancing up every now and then, waiting for him to look at you with that cheeky grin. But as reality set in and Yuta’s smile faded, you were still dating another man. Who now had his arms wrapped around your waist peppering kisses all over your neck and shoulder while Yuta looked on, not being able to do a thing about it.
————————————————————————
The team decided to head out for dinner the next day, and something in Jeno had switched. After Yuta had watched him cuddle you until the day was over, you barely even got the chance to talk to Yuta face to face since Jeno offered to take you home. He was being suspiciously clingy and you wondered if he suspected anything.
“You’re okay with sharing a pasta and plate of fries ?” Jeno smiled over at you, one hand rubbing your waist and the other holding up the wooden menu. You nodded and Jeno placed his order in with Johnny who was doing the rounds for everyone. Yuta sat across from you and you could feel his stare on you from time to time, and the moments it felt like he was staring, Jeno’s grip on your waist got tighter.
“Is...is something wrong ?” you leaned into Jeno as he took a sip of his water. Even though he was smiling, his jaw was clenched signaling that he was trying to suppress himself from doing or saying something. “I'm just really tired” he rubbed your back and to your surprise leaned in to capture your lips. It was innocent but your lack of effort to mind his feelings wasn't good enough for Yuta. Frankly he had no idea where you two stood at the moment, for all he knew you could be playing him right now. It probably wasn't the case though, but Yuta was not really used to his life getting a happy ending. The night drove on and the group split with you, Ten, Doyoung, Taeyong and Renjun seated at the table while the rest of the guys were hanging around the bar babysitting their drinks. Jeno was really a changed man since high school. He was so confident, well-built and a good socialite with the team. You watched him lean against the bar counter, drink in hand entertaining whatever story Lucas had for the night.
“So you and y/n huh ? Have you scored yet ?” Lucas raised his brow cheekily to which Jeno chuckled and shook his head, “Really Lucas ? were talking about my sex life now ?” Yuta was in conversation with Johnny and Sungchan but he couldn't help but overhear your name in the chat next to him.
“Yeah man, I'm sure she’s good too after locking down my boy Yuta” Lucas smirked and Yuta flinched when the boisterous man grabbed onto his shoulder and pulled him into the conversation. “Even though they hate each other I just know they had the best hook ups” Lucas laughed despite Johnny trying to make him shut up.
“Well that’s all over now” Jeno’s eyes narrowed on Yuta before looking up at Lucas, “she invited me over tonight and considering the type of pictures she sent me, i'm guessing it’s going to be one hell of a night.” Yuta’s chest felt tight not only at the possibility that you may have invited him over to finally sleep with him but mainly because of the way Jeno spoke about you. He probably only shared that information to appease Lucas but hinting at you sending him nudes was not something you would like the guys to know about.
“She’s really been trying to speed up the process between us too it's cute actually” Jeno continued as Yangyang and Lucas egged him on, “that night after that painting you guys did for Mark Lee she was practically begging me to fuck her after our movie date. God if my brother didn't give me all those errands I would've done so right on the kitchen counter.”
Yuta shot back the rest of his drink and stormed off as Lucas and Yangyang hyped up Jeno, pouring him another shot and laughing erratically in their drunken state. From where you were seated you saw Yuta storm off and watched Johnny run after him worriedly, making you slightly anxious.
“Yuta don't listen to them man '' Johnny huffed as he finally caught up to his friend a few blocks down from the restaurant. “I dont fucking care man I really dont” Yuta chuckled dryly and ran his fingers through his hair, “It doesnt matter because at the end of the day im still the worthless piece of shit and guys like him are God fucking sent.” Johnny watched Yuta’s expression change and he turned around to find you standing there, desperately looking between them for context.
“Yuta what happened ?” you asked in a small voice and the familiar sting in his chest returned, hearing you call out his name, following him out here while Jeno was still inside, it was all just confusing to him.
“I thought you giving us a week meant you felt the same way and I could finally relax knowing you were going to be with me y/n” Yuta groaned in frustration while Johnny took a step away from the heated exchange. You shook your head as you approached him, “yes I did, so what's the problem ?” Yuta scoffed and folded his arms. “What's the problem ? doesn't look like anything’s changed y/n. I have to see you act like the couple of the year after telling you how I felt about you ? That's brilliant.”
“I told you I would speak to him this week” you snapped, unbothered by the now random onlookers who were concerned at the scene taking place. “But fine honestly Yuta if you really want me to say it you have my permission to fuck some random girl until im finally free.” You rolled your eyes about to turn on your heels to leave when you felt a tug on your wrist and Yuta pulled you into a kiss. He held your face in his hands as he kissed you passionately, sighing as he slowly pulled away and pressed his forehead against yours,
“When I said I loved you I fucking meant it y/n, I only want you. But please, if youre going to invite him over or send him dirty...pictures atleast tell him not to tell the whole fucking world about it.”
You took a step back and frowned at his words, “What ? What pictures ?”
“The ones he told Lucas about, y/n honestly I don't care I was just mad that he was airing your business out like that” Yuta bit down on his lip and yet again you were deeply confused as to what he was on about.
“I...I didn't send him anything” you responded, “I didn't invite him over tonight and I definitely haven't sent him any...nudes.”
“Tell that to him then”
You turned around and noticed most of the team was now outside watching the commotion go down and right in front was Jeno, who by the look on his face had most likely seen the kiss you just shared with Yuta.
Jeno approached the both of you with an irritated groan and scoffed, “I was going to ignore the signs but God I was so right, you were still fucking him this entire time ?” You lowered your head and Yuta glared at Jeno, “If you knew all this time why didn't you just break up with her and move on ?”
Jeno rolled his eyes and took a step closer to Yuta to which Johnny quickly responded by placing a firm hand on Jeno’s shoulder making sure the boy was at safe distance from his best friend.
“I'm not like you Yuta” Jeno licked his lips, “unlike you I respect her, I understand that she was going back to you because you like to play around, you never cared about her until I showed up. You were threatened by the fact that you were no longer in control of her.”
“Nobody is in control of me first of all” you chimed in, “and second what’s this about me inviting you over and sending you nudes that apparently the whole fucking bar knows about”
“It's just banter y/n” Jeno shook his head.
“Banter ?” Yuta repeated, “didnt know talking about how you were going to fuck your girlfriend on the kitchen counter in front of her coworkers is banter.”
“What?” you walked up to Jeno, “W-where is this coming from Jeno ? you’re not like this.”
“Well how am I supposed to be y/n ?” Jeno raised his voice, “you wouldn't mind if he said that to you. You're always letting him get away with shit. Im the one sitting around here knowing my damn girlfriend is fucking around with someone else yet somehow still trying to forgive you and figure this out.”
“Why, though ?” you shrugged, “Is it because you want to prove to other people that you're the bigger person ?”
“Would you rather be with someone like him ? someone who will probably throw you aside after he’s bored, or someone like me who was always patient, always willing to put you first no matter what” Jeno reached for your hand, his eyes widening when you shrugged him off.
“Someone who I barely know that talks about me to my friends like im just some kind of whore or someone i've known for a while and not once shared anything intimate that happened between us,” you looked over at Yuta, “It was my one rule, the same rule I gave you Jeno and he was, Yuta is the only one who has abided to it.”
“y/n Im sorry,” Jeno lowered his voice, “we hurt each other and I want to fix that, just make your final decision...me or Yuta”
“Jeno….I apologize for using you, I'm sorry for leading and hurting your feelings” you began and Yuta slowly shook his head and turned around ready to hear the bad news that always seemed to follow him,
“But as crazy as it may sound to everyone here, I'm most like myself when I'm with Yuta, I love the person I am when I'm around him” Yuta turned at your words and instead of the sting he felt a sense of warmth. Hearing you say that in front of everyone who wanted the two of you apart, besides Johnny ofcourse, was absolute bliss.
“Who knows maybe it won't work and it will explode but I really want to try, that's the thing I'm most sure of, I really really want to try” you smiled as Yuta made his way over to you and pulled you into a tight hug.
“Let's get out of here” Yuta whispered before placing a kiss on your cheek and draping his arm over your shoulder as the two of you exited the street walking away from the mess and not even giving it a second glance.
The two of you ended up at your apartment full of smiles and giggles as you slowly discarded your clothes on the way to the bedroom. Once your back touched your soft duvet covers Yuta pressed his body against yours and peppered your skin with kisses all the way up to your ear. “I want to try something different” he whispered and you nodded in response while Yuta pulled his shirt over his head and discarded his jeans. Yuta pulled you on top of his body and returned to your lips, kissing you slowly and passionately. His touches were so delicate and nurturing that every time his fingers ran down your back you felt butterflies in your stomach. You unhooked your bra shimmied out of it, still attached to the addictive taste of Yuta’s lips. He slowly rolled you onto your back and left soft kisses all the way down your neck, down the valley of your breasts until he reached your abdomen. You watched as he pulled your underwear off, looking at your body like it was the most beautiful thing he had seen. That was it. Instead of lust he looked at you with love. He looked like he wanted to take care of you, be gentle with you, savour every moment he had with you. Your breathing hitched when you quickly realized that he inserted himself inside of you and used one arm to steady himself on the bed as he lent down to meet your lips. His strokes were slow but sharp, digging his nails into your thigh from time to time, preventing himself from losing control. Wanting to feel more of him you signaled that you wanted to switch positions and Yuta licked his lips as he watched you place your knees on either side of him and sit down on his member. “F-fuck” he cursed as you began to ride him, keeping to his wishes of keeping things calm and slow. Yuta wrapped his arms tightly around your waist as the two of you kissed in between your moans, twirling your tongue with his as your hips slammed into his.
“Y-Yuta…” you moaned, feeling a tear escape your eye as the long night and the building orgasm caught up with you.
“Yes baby ?” he hummed in your ear.
“I really fucking love you” you sighed, just the words finally leaving your mouth made you sob with joy. It felt so fucking good to finally say it out loud.
Yuta responded by flipping you onto your back and chased both his and your orgasm, fucking you with his usual intensity until you came and he followed straight after, filling the room with heavy pants and both of you trying to catch your breath.
“I love you too y/n” He finally said, bringing you to his chest and pressed his lips against your forehead.
The two of you lay in your bed both napping for a bit until the first sight of dawn began filling the bedroom. You winced at the sun and hid your face in Yuta’s arms as he grinned at your actions.
“I don't want to go to work!” you grumbled.
“Fuck go to work after all the drama you caused ?” Yuta pinched your cheek playfully, earning a nudge in his side from you.
“Anyway” Yuta continued, “I got an email from Taeyong and he said if we want we can work remotely, he gave us the Okinawa project.” You sat up in bed and turned to face him, “the Okinawa project ? Its 9 months in Japan, the same project the whole damn building was trying to get” you blinked, still unsure if Yuta was just fucking with you.
“That's the one” Yuta shrugged, “anyways he said he was going to send either of us anyway since he knows we always get the job done. Oh and he actually said something really funny actually”
“What ?” you raised your brow and watched Yuta reread the text message on his phone.
“He said Doyoung was the one who suggested the two of us be the ones to go, who would've thought ?” Yuta closed the messages and tucked himself back into bed.
“Yeah” you smiled, “Who would've thought.”
THE END
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pugwitharug · 2 years ago
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Hello, I want to make a request, about some headcanon of the main 4 with an mc who is a very fragile health person since childhood and who is a very insecure person about his fragility since he feels that it is a burden and the main 4 they comfort you, I just want fluff your honor
Ohohohoho the honorable judge Puggo will grant your request! Or whatever lawyers say idk I'm not one
GN Reader, lots of comfort, I don't have the mental energy rn to put a whole story with each person so yeah, spoilers in Felix's section for Chapter...11? 12? The back end of it really
☠️Felix Iskander Escellun ☠️
His own mental health isn't the best (let's face it none of them are mentally stable) so he 100% understands the struggles of feeling like a burden
Especially if you're later in Felix's route where *SPOILERS* he loses his magic, he constantly talks about feeling useless and like a burden to everyone else trying to help
He takes the greatest care to make sure you know that you are not a burden and you will never be one
You made a small mistake and now you're spiralling? He's by your side, walking you through deep breathing and positive affirmations and pulling yourself up
He will never ever judge you for not being the epitome of mental health. I mean look at him, do you think he's a hypocrite?
Okay maybe he is sometimes but not in this sense!
Honestly the best out of the M4 at helping you lol, they try their best I swear
⚔️Anisa Anka⚔️
Okay if I had to rank them in order of actually knowing what to do, Anisa would be third
She's better for when you're desperately trying to hold back sobs in the middle of the night because your dumb brain makes you feel like shit and she catches you and holds you close and listens to you try to explain your feelings through a broken voice, less for everyday things
Like she'll try to distract your mind with a task to do but then you make one small mistake and you start spiraling and she's trying to fix it and you feel like even more of a burden and yeah it's not a good time for anyone
Her way of showing love is by giving gifts but it may or may not backfire so it's really a lot of trial and error
But she loves you so very much and she will do anything and everything to make sure you know that
🐱Sage Lesath🐱
He puts on a humongous bravado of this confident suave catman but in reality, he's pretty insecure, so he gets where you're coming from, at least a little bit
If you want some advice on how to look more confident, he's your guy! Though maybe you should go to Anisa as well cuz his version of confidence might not work for you
He's...kinda in a tough spot on bringing you along with bounties. If he brings you on bounties your anxiety might kick in and make you feel like a burden and make you spiral. If he doesn't bring you on bounties your anxiety might kick in and make you feel like a burden and make you spiral
Really between a rock and a hard place
But besides that, he's second to Felix in being helpful. He also knows what it feels like to be a burden, and he's always there for you and will encourage you to have better coping mechanisms for your anxiety
But please force him to do them with you cuz good god he needs it
🦌Rime Solano Varela🦌
Before he was brought back to life, he might be higher on this list, but now he's at the bottom
He really doesn't know how to help you, and on the inside that kills him. He knows he could be better, that he was better at emotions and other people, but now he's all fucked up
He'll always have an ear and a shoulder open for you, of course, but don't expect any wise words of advice
He'll definitely offer to kill someone if they're the source of your anxiety for the moment. Please don't let him
He'd try to distract you from your mind. I don't think he has that many funny stories left in his mind, but he'll use his magic! You wanna go ice skating in the middle of summer?
But he knows that might not be what you need, and might nudge you towards one of the others who can help you better
He really does want to try his best, but he's just...not the best equipped for the job
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