#please god let my wife make a canon appearance

[witchinatree]

crack theory: the person hauling their ass out of the magnus institute ruins is none other than agnes montague, she has been there since the tree incident

or like, red canary makes more sense and it would mean the tmagp universe's jonah magnus was released

wouldn't it be so much cooler if it was agnes montague and she was just like hey guys :]

[blackknight-100]

My humble offerings for pride month - A Shiva-Mohini tale + Lakshmi at the end! Many thanks to @samissobsessed for reminding me about them :)

Also, just so you know, canon-timeline died a very painful death when I threw it out of the window with my own hands!

1.

The first time Shiva sees Mohini, she is just emerging from the group of entranced Asuras with the pot of nectar. Parvati, still rubbing his burning throat, pauses her ministrations to see what has caught his attention.

“Ah,” she says, eyes glittering, when she sees the divine beauty, “is she not pretty, Arya?”

Shiva thinks ‘pretty’ does not even begin to describe her. Mohini is short and dark, lissom limbs corded with lean muscles, and open hair rolling all the way down to her calves. With her dimpled cheeks and long lashes, she looks very unlike Vishnu, whom Shiva knows and dotes upon. For a moment, Shiva is possessed by a strange desire to speak to her, certain that even Saraswati’s songs would not match the sweetness of her voice, and he is almost jealous of the Asuras.

Parvati’s laughter brings him back to earth, to the mountain no longer churning, and Vasuki slithering wearily around his shoulders.

“My dear Vasuki,” his wife says, eyes crinkled with amusement, “leave your lord to his musings, now that Kama, rascal that he is, has decided to strike my poor husband once again.”

“No!” Shiva says, louder than he had intended, and blushes. “No,” he repeats, “it is nothing like that.”

The excuse sounds weak even to his own ears. Parvati laughs harder. Shiva decides the next time he gets hold of Kamadeva, there would be no return from the burning.

As if Kama striking him was not enough, Rati shows up on Kailash the following week, eyes bright with mischief.

2.

“We won the war easily,” she tells Gauri, as if that was what she had come to discuss all along.

Shiva does not trust her one bit. He is proven correct when Rati follows that up with, “It is all because of lovely Mohini. Did you see how she charmed the Asuras?”

“Of course we did. Arya was very interested,” says the traitor previously known as Gauri, Shiva's wife.

“Was he?” Rati covers her smile with a coy palm. “Of course he was! Such beauty, such grace! Why, I feared if this went on unchecked, I would lose my place as Goddess of... you know.”

Gauri throws him an amused wink, barely holding back her teasing delight. “I do know,” she agrees.

3.

Shiva pretends that this time, he will stick to his resolve of never speaking to his wife again.

“She is alone now!” Kali says, bouncing excitedly next to him. “You should go take your chance! Shoot your shot! Ask to court her!”

“I am your husband,” Shiva says exasperated, even as he laughs at her antics. “Are you not even a little jealous?”

Kali ignores his question and rolls right over him. “Maybe you shall have a babe, the sweetest child in all the three worlds! What if it is a boy? With her dark face and your dreadful hair? Or a girl? Oh my, please let it be a girl.”

“That is Vishnu,” Shiva tries, ignoring the comment about his dreadful hair. “Your brother. Why are you like this?”

Kali waves a dismissive hand. “She is my sister, not my brother. Besides, any sister worth her salt would aid her sibling’s pursuit of a gentleman.”

The words warm Shiva’s heart more than Surya’s fire ever can. “You think I am a gentleman?”

Gauri turns her nose up at him and points to the enchantress. “Not if you do not go after her.”

Shiva does as he is told. After all happy wives make for happy lives.

It is incredibly easy for Kali to tell him to ‘shoot his shot’ from cold Kailash, but as Shiva soon finds out, it is significantly more difficult than it looks.

4.

For one, Mohini takes one look at him and starts running. She is not even fleeing from him – Shiva would never pursue a woman who did not want his company – she merely appears to enjoy teasing him. This lines up with what Shiva knows of Vishnu. What does not line up is the crowd of gods gathered in the clouds, cheering them on. Cheering him onwards.

“This is mortifying,” he calls out to Mohini, as Kama and Vasanta drop flowers on them, and Vayu makes their clothes flutter dramatically. “Stop, I beg you!”

Mohini only laughs. It is the dearest sound in all the world – sweet as the nectar she stole for the gods, breathless as Ganga at Gangotri, and delirious as Varuni's newly brought sura. Shiva feels Rati’s pull upon his ascetic self, and willingly lets it consume him.

Mohini’s joy is worth the pain of Kama’s love.

Afterwards, they lie together in a shadowed glade, beneath a blossoming Kadamba tree. The air carries the scent of spring flowers and oncoming rain, and their shared affection.

5.

Shiva rolls around to look at her, at Mohini, Mistress of Illusions, and asks quietly, “Are you alright?”

Mohini laughs. It is more breathless than it was before, but it is still the most delightful sound in the world.

“Of course I am,” she says, making sparkling patterns in the air. “But I will demand recompense for my torn necklace - and you may not have any help this time.”

Shiva finds himself smiling as well. He reaches out a hand, all the way from the earthly air to the gardens of the divine, plucking lotuses from Indra's pond. Then, from the weaver spider he borrows a silken thread and strings it through the flowers.

“Will you have this?” he asks Mohini, offering her the garland.

“Mighty ascetic,” says the enchantress, “any gift from you I shall treasure and wear all my immortal life.”

Mohini is visiting them on Kailash on Lakshmi comes to see Uma. She is a little miffed to be drawn away from Ayyappa, sure, but the new goddess is good company, and Uma is eager to be her friend.

+1.

Mistress Wealth is an indescribable beauty, with her gold-bright face and ruby lips, and her hair a riot of obsidian curls. Her smile, bright as Varuna's best pearls, widens when she sees Uma.

“Greetings,” Lakshmi calls, waving a dainty hand. “It has been a while.”

“It has indeed,” Uma pulling her to the side. “Shiva is with the baby. Come meet Ayyappa!”

“You had a child?” Lakshmi lights up. "Oh, oh, may I see him?”

“Of course!” Uma shakes her head and adds, “His mother is Mohini.”

Lakshmi furrows her brows. “Who is- ” she begins, and then stops.

Uma turns to look back at her, bewildered, only to find Lakshmi staring at Vishnu-Mohini, who has emerged from the antechamber at the sound of voices. They are also in the process of swapping between forms – male one moment, female the next.

Uma swallows her laughter at Lakshmi's besotted look, turns to her sibling and gestures at the quick changes. “Why are you doing... this? My head hurts from looking at you.”

“You wound me!” Vishnu-Mohini clutches their chest dramatically, which is hampered by the fact that their breast swells one moment and disappears the next. “I must find out which form looks most pleasing on me. Oh, who is this lovely goddess?”

Lakshmi stirs as if from a trance, and immediately blurts out, “Are you married?”

“Not yet.” Mohini winks at her. “Are you proposing? Where are my gifts?”

Lakshmi holds out her hand and pulls an ornament from thin air – a weighty necklace of garnet-studded gold – and offers it to Mohini with the most serious look Uma has ever seen on the restless goddess's face.

“Marry me,” she says, “and you shall have my heart and mind and all treasures of land and sea.”

Mohini takes it, eyes gleaming. “I like chasing and being chased.”

Lakshmi's mien softens, and mischief returns to her face. “Good thing then,” she laughs at last, “that we have similar tastes.”

[gauloiseblue]

Ok so, you don't have to do this if you're not accepting requests. But I am way too insane about IOFAB and idk why. It has been in my head since the beginning of May. I couldn't focus for weeks, that's how good it is (it didn't really help that the Kendrick v Drizzy beatdown happened).

Can we have more stuff in the IOFAB verse? Maybe something from König's POV (this guy has to be aware that he's just making her hate him even more)? Maybe life after the last escape/shooting incident can't believe the guy actually did multiple rounds with a bullet in his shoulder that's gotta hurt, pregnancy, or kids? Or maybe domestic horror fluff (if that's actually a thing)? Or something about how he managed to keep reader as his lawfully kidnapped wife (this guy definitely put trackers in her ring)? I just realized that I keep referring to reader/darling as his wife even though they ain't married yet Or maybe even an alternate timeline in which deals with what would happen if they did meet but those guys had to actually disclose that they found those survivors which would mean König would not be able to have her?

IOFAB König is so different from the other yandere Königs because he actually shows his hand right in the beginning. Like he's not just some oWo shy guy that is a yandere that goes “maybe I should keep you here with me so that you wouldn't leave me, schatz haha jk... unless 🙂”. He just straight up “You're with me now. Sooner you accept it, the better it will be for you”. He wouldn't hurt reader but he definitely wouldn't hesitate to drop kick a kitten or even his children if they would somehow aid her in her escape.

Something something he would put the world at her feet but wouldn't ever let her see her family ever again. Something something you could put the world through eternal winter and starvation but he won't ever let his goddess go, not even for 6 months. Something something he would hunt her down in their next life. Something something God never blessed him so he's taking one of His blessed angels for himself. Something something he's worshipping the ground her chained feet walk on. Ok now this is getting too long. In short, this guy warrants the “Why are you like this” microscope and “You're not a human nor a dog but a secret third thing” and you don't have to but if you want to, please please please please please can we have more IOFAB?

Zero, you're now officially the number one fans of IOFAB XD idk if I should be glad or concerned about it.

I mean, if you wanna theorize about their future and stuff, I'll gladly answer it. But for me, the story already ended here. I don't really plan to write a continuation of it. Maybe I'll write a lil bit of it in other people's POVs but that's it.

As for König's POV, I think we've covered a lot about his psychology. Like, of course he knew she hated him, but it wouldn't last. If he keeps on giving her what she needs (tolerance, space, care, etc), she'll eventually come to love him, or at least tolerate his presence. It's like a 'trust the process' situation.

I won't really write about pregnancy and kids, because it's more fun when I let the reader decide what's best for her. My actual HC is she'll only have 1 kid, and it's a boy. That's it.

There are 3 endings that I've thought about, it's either; (1) she manages to escape with the help of the maid (The Handmaiden storyline, wlw), (2) she's staying with him until the end (Göth's dream), (3) she's rescued by the third party, there's a possibility that he or the reader dies in this scenario (the realistic ending). But I won't make either of them canon, bc where's the fun in that?

As for the AUs, I haven't got the right idea for it. I think yours is good, but I honestly don't know where to start 😅

Personally, in my humblest opinion, I think shy yandere shouldn't exist in fiction. I fucking hate it, because it's very manipulative in the cheapest way. Like, they'd appear "harmless" like a weirdo, but would go 180° at any given chance. And what makes me hate them the most is that they'd go back to their shy shell when they're being cornered. They can't and won't take any responsibility for their actions. Oh, he kissed you without your consent? Well, that's your fault bc you seduced him (even if you didn't). Every time I read about a shy yandere man, I just wanna bash his head with a bat. Like, you're not fooling anyone with that attitude. Just take what you want and admit it, even if it means you have to be ruthless.

I must admit, IOFAB König does hold a "secret third thing" vibe, because I don't think he exists irl in terms of personality. He's like, if patience is taken too far, and if patience is the source of horror. He doesn't really worship her, but he views her as the rarest and the most exotic thing. If you ever read about the exotic animal keeper, or the curator of the rarest arts, then you'll understand why he behaves that way. They're very patient, and they're very possessive of their treasure. If the tiger that they keep bites their arm, they won't put it down. They'll find a way to tame it—they'll try to win its affection instead. If one particular art requires so much maintenance, and so much cost to keep it in good condition, the curator would pay for it. They won't abandon the art piece, because they know how much it's worth. That's how König views his wife.

I know it sounds like he's objectifying his wife, but sometimes humans love their things more than other humans. I'm just using that feeling as the base for IOFAB König.

Maybe I'll write about the domestic horror stuff, but I still don't know how, so no promise 🤔

[abyssal-cryptid]

More Tears of the Kingdom thoughts (SPOILERS)

You hunt koroks again lets goo and yes there is new puzzle types

Them being in different locations implies canon version Link hunted all of them down

PAYA IS CHIEF OF KAKARIKO

The chasms are terrifyingly deep. Nope. Scary. I dont even want to know

Every single shrine has outsmarted me

WHERE IS HESTU I NEED MORE INVENTORY SPACE

The Koroks who go "I need to find my friend" require you to bring them to their friend. Reward for each is several korok seeds

Zelda keeps appearing in her Zonai fit and then disappearing. Rude. But as I said, Skyward Sword vibes.

HYRULE TOMATOES

Also Golden Apples for some reason???

Great Fairies have Moved Away

Still dont know how to get a camera please I need to return to photography simulator

Ascend is best ability

WHY IS THE STEALTH GEAR 5000 RUPEES EACH PIECE

Why is making money here so hard

I recommend visiting the shrine of resurrection. Thats all Im going to say. Its entirely overgrown

All traces of sheikah machinery is gone everywhere. I still expect to see shrines but no

I admit I am still afraid of guardians while I run around Hyrule field

I hate the transportation machines as a game mechanic

Blood moons still exist

Havent seen any of Ganondorf after the beginning cutscenes

The new map towers just straight up launch you into the sky

OH MY GOD THE MEMORIES YOU FIND

Found Hestu. Does a little dance for you WITH KOROKS. Best day of my life

You have a profile on Purah Pad for every main npc btw

REMEMBER THE DARK SKINNED WOMAN WE SAW IN TRAILERS WHO LOOKED LIKE ZELDA? SHE'S QUEEN SONIA, RAURU'S WIFE AND THE FIRST QUEEN OF HYRULE

I love her look and voice

I wonder if she and Rauru are looking for a third I am in love

I cant wait to what kind of fucked up creations the furry porn community makes with the Zonai

Also please someone write a 300k word fanfic about Rauru and Sonia, I will give you my soul

I miss Revali's gale and my armor sets so much

Tulin is adorable

There is so many new enemies and I hate them all

All my weapons are shit because I avoid fighting because I die instantly

BOTW was post apocalyptic, TOTK is during an apocalypse and you can tell

My jaw hurts. Ive played this game for like 9 hours straight now. Havent done anything much other than explore

This feels more old Zelda games than BOTW did, its a mix of them and BOTW

Gloom is scary and I need to make porridge

You can make food that makes you glow

I miss having Majora's mask

Why are Yiga still a thing

Honing in on target arrows are amazing

KANELI IS DEAD BTW and Teba is new chief. I wept

[localplaguenurse]

I want you to know that no matter how much I crank up the graphics. The statue doesn’t have a face, I mean yes I know why it doesn’t have a face(superstition) but I was wondering how would it make sense in a Genshin-Canon context?

Like if drawing his face was really all you need to summon Rex Lapis, why didn’t childe do that in the liyue archon quest?

Then I looked at the liyue statue of seven and.

It doesn’t have a face either, it has a nose and some vague resemblance of other facial features but that’s exactly it. So now I’m thinking, how feared was Morax to the point where any depiction of his face is erased from history to the point where even his facial features are scrubbed from history and only his dragon form is recognised in art and literature?

(Yes I’m going to use that as a border from now on)

So I was thinking as well, since wifey’s real name and assumingly their own face was wiped from history as well, I was thinking that Cheng Gho’s demise was either greatly exaggerated over the years OR someone had slighted the Mother of Arts and had faced Morax’s wrath in plain view of others. Which means that, Cheng Gho’s death isn’t the only blood split for Regina Sanguiniue.

I have no idea where I’m going with this but I find it kinda lowkey romantic how Morax is willing to burn the world for his wife <3

Also is it Christmas morning?

First, not Christmas yet! It’s still the 24th here and I am still a retail slave. It actually hasn’t been that bad today. Nobody wants to be the person doing last minute Christmas shopping.

It’s Childe. He’s a bastard. He’s not gonna do the easy route on principal alone.

I definitely leaned more on the idea that the story of Cheng Gho’s death was exaggerated/changed throughout the years, with the only consistent detail being she tormented Wifey and Morax punished her severely for it. Wifey’s face and name were forgotten because they rarely made in person appearances without their family, and even then I always imagined them wearing a veil, because wedding imagery and all that. The only people who ever saw their face were their family (including the orphanage) and the adepti.

Morax is straight up the Simpsons meme “I would kill for you. Please ask me to kill for you.” I’ll let you decide if he’s killed others for Wifey, but my personal headcanon is it was just the Abbess. Wifey doesn’t like him killing people for them.

God I really wanna design their goddess outfit but I do not have the drawing skills for it.

[kitkatpancakestack]

Having watched 9-1-1 since S1, and in this case specifically since S2, I feel like one becomes desensitized to whatever this nonsense is between Buck and Eddie. I know this bc sometimes I'll be watching a clip or an episode and I'm like "ah yes so sweet, Eddie and Buck are each other's person" but THE WAY their story is told, it's easy to forget how this shit must look to the outside/casual viewer!

If you're like me and find yourself in need of a vibe check because these two dumbasses got you spiraling, here's a list of honest to God canon things this show has delivered:

🤔Buck and Eddie took all of half a day on the job together before they were ride or die BFFLs

🤔Outside the major disaster event, the second plot-focused episode of S2 is Buck doing the absolute most for Eddie for no other reason than he worships the ground Eddie walks on. In this episode we get the unbelievably subtextual conversation about "they're not my type" and "not mine either....at least not anymore" and *shoulder bumps*; we get Buck going with Eddie (???) to the hospital, Buck basically planning out a whole fun day at the firehouse for Chris, Buck introducing Eddie to Carla......I mean......

🤔Eddie was railing his wife most of S2 and still was so, so invested in Buck (he brought him to visit Santa with Chris????)

🤔"Are we the only people we know who don't have kids? .......BUCK!" *Switch to Buck about to risk it all for his future son*

🤔Buck and Eddie literally stare for about 10 solid seconds across space and time when Chris is found post-tsunami and it's so intense I have to look away!?

🤔Eddie tells Buck there is nobody he trusts with his son more than him. Nobody in the whole entire world. One in 7 billion babeyyyy.

🤔Oh yeah, they have an entire divorce/reconciliation plotline masquerading as the lawsuit arc

🤔They behave especially homoerotically in Buck's kitchen, but that's none of my business I guess ☕

🤔Buck bi-panics through all five stages of grief when he realizes he cannot dig to Eddie with his own bare hands

🤔Abby says "he (Buck) moved on a long time ago" and then just immediate cut to Buck talking about Christopher going to summer camp. Please, Tim, at least try to make these parallels less obvious I mean🙄

🤔Eddie is #disgusted at Abby and v protective over Buck, and I don't have the emotional capacity to detail the symbolism of Abby moving away and Eddie stepping forward (taking her place???) smh

🤔Buckley-Diaz domestic excellence literally in a literal episode literally titled Future Tense

🤔Eddie comes home from his date to *shocking revelation* Buck appearing from behind the wall! The scorned lover! And he tucked Chris into bed! Eddie calls Buck a miracle worker! The lighting is warm and suggestive! I am not supposed to view this at least a little bit romantically!?

🤔Christopher is feeling sad and insecure and he is mad at Himbo Dad #1 so he runs to Himbo Dad #2 bc he knows how to work the system

🤔In an episode titled "Parenthood," despite the fact that Buck is not a parent, they really do be putting him in situations to share his Big Opinions on parenting, usually in tandem with Eddie? @Tim share your location I just wanna talk

🤔Treasure Hunt aka How To Pine Quietly For Your Best Friend and Instead Disguise It As Petty Jealousy, written by Eddie Diaz

🤔*slow, deep breath* Eddie got shot in broad fucking daylight but wait Buck is there too? Oh and you're gonna splatter him with Eddie's blood in a moment that is so perversely intimate and then you're gonna utilize the music in the scene to illustrate how Buck and Eddie are caught in this one moment together separate from literally the rest of the world? Okay cool cool cool cool cool cool cool —

🤔Wait wait Eddie REACHES for Buck????

🤔You're telling me Eddie fights off the sweet relief of unconsciousness to make sure Buck isn't hurt?

🤔They really let Buck say "Just stay with me" and "I need you to hang on" Like That and Eddie turns his head to look at Buck, the last thing he sees before the sweet void takes him????

🤔Buck said "I know what's best for Christopher" this whole entire episode and not a single person found this surprising

🤔Buck and Taylor kiss and Eddie's comatose gay heart says, "miss me with that straight shit" and wakes up immediately

🤔Eddie waits to video chat with Chris until Buck is in the room and also Ana girl where'd you go? I thought this was your sERioUs bOyFRiEnD

🤔Eddie Diaz said he values and appreciates and loves his best friend and he is going to make it everybody's problem *changes will*

🤔"You act like you're expendable, but you're wrong" are actual words between these two men that actually played on screens everywhere at 8:57pm EST on FOX

🤔The very last plot-focused scene of the season (we do not count the montage however it is very cute) is this moment bw Buck and Eddie.

If you, too, realized you became desensitized to the literal soulmate narrative between these two, consider yourself vibe checked!

[hellotvshowtrash]

Major angst warnings!!! As well as canon typical violence and gore. Description of blood and requests of blood and death. 

Elijah x reader

Due to recent problems with witches the reader dies in his arms. As she bleeds out and her heart stops beating, Elijah sings THEIR SongTm Like I’m Gonna Lose You by Megan Trainor. And then klaus and Rebekah have to pry him off of them and practically drag him away kicking and screaming because it’s been hours (maybe days) and he’s just sitting there, soaked in her blood and cradling her slowly decomposing body.

Well... you asked for it!

Like I’m Gonna Lose You

TW: lots of blood, major character death, graphic depictions of death and postmortem decomp, hella sadness, ((sort of song based as in the ask above!)) using witches as a cop out just like plec did <3 this is by far the darkest fic I have ever written, please feel free to skip if any of this makes you uncomfortable!

Word count: 1.4K

My submission for the April2021promptchallenge! Prompt was “I wanted to be better than this.” “Maybe next time.”

I was going to make a moodboard but this gif is too fitting and good to not use

The humid Louisiana air clung to them as they swayed, gripping each other tightly despite the sweat trickling down their skin. Elijah wrapped his arms around his love, taking in the scent of her hair around him, his eyes closing in bliss. She clutched him back, breathing heavily. Golden lights hung around the pair, the silver moon glinting in the sky. The perfect night for such a perfect pair.

Elijah opened his eyes from his dream to his reality, sitting, rather than dancing, cradling her in his arms. The sticky sweat and humid air was replaced with the hot scent of iron and the thick sheen of blood. Nothing had prepared him for this. Nothing had prepared him to lose another one of his lovers. His throat felt tight, no sound escaping him as his eyebrows furrowed at the sight of her. Confusion riddled his mind, how could this have happened? How is she here now, bloody and broken when she was just dancing with him the previous night? Her smile was so wide and radiant then as she admired the new ring on her finger.

Now, she was choking, losing her consciousness and looking at him desperately. She reached up weakly, cupping his cheek with a blood covered hand.

Blood poured from her, in no slow fashion, from multiple wounds across her body. He had tried to feed her his blood, it proved fruitless rather quickly. He had made it to the empty compound in time to cradle her gently, his whispered vows and her gurgled cries filling the soundless concrete walls. He clenched his jaw, his tears creating streaks down his face.

One thing hadn’t changed from his dream, and that was the silvery hue of the moon pouring in from the open roof above them. It illuminated her in a way that Elijah had once deemed divine, but now, now it was horrible and tragic but still somehow beautiful because it was her, and it was always her and it would never not be her. He caressed her face gently and she blinked at him, her own diamond of a tear cleaning a path down her cheek.

Elijah’s breath stuck in his throat, his voice coming in a croak when he tried to string together something coherent. “I never meant to take you for granted,” he whispered to her. His voice was deeper and more gravelly than normal, and it made her smile. Even wrought in pain, her smile still made his heart jump. “I wanted to be better than this,” he choked before sobbing, dropping his forehead to hers. She shifted underneath him and he realized she had chuckled.

“Maybe next time, yeah?” She coughed and a trickle of blood escaped the corner of her mouth. Elijah opened his eyes to look into hers, placing a soft kiss on her cracked lips. Like a puff of smoke, her breath escaped her lips for one last time and her hand went slack, falling from its place on Elijah’s cheek. His face twitched at the cool air making contact with the blood she left behind before he let a choked whine through his clenched teeth, his ears unable to find her comforting heartbeat. He squeezed her tightly against his body, her own limp and lifeless.

Elijah wasn’t sure how much time had passed, sitting against the concrete wall, holding onto her. He knew that the sun had come up and gone down at least twice. He knew that the body - her body- was slowly bruising and becoming cold, a smell had begun to accumulate and her cheeks had started to sink in. But still, he held her. He held her and talked to her, telling her all the things he should have said when she could still listen. And he sang to her, but he didn’t really sing because Elijah Mikaelson doesn’t sing, but he did say their song to her as if she could hum along like she used to.

“I’m gonna love you,” he whispered, pushing her hair away from her face. “Like I’m gonna lose you,” and his voice cracked as he sobbed. “I’m gonna hold you, like I’m saying goodbye.”

The footsteps came before he was ready.

“Goodbye, my love,” he whispered to her, kissing her forehead one last time.

“Dear god, brother, what happened?” Klaus was next to him in a beat, avoiding the now dry puddle of blood beneath Elijah and his love.

“I’m… not sure,” Elijah answered in a daze. “One moment we were dancing and the next..” he drifted off, his eyes staring past Klaus and now Rebekah and Freya who held each other in horror.

Freya reached out and grabbed Klaus’s shoulder, gesturing to a mark on the body’s hand. “Witches,” she whispered. Elijah hadn’t noticed the mark before, not through his grief. He stared down at it, feeling as though his gaze could burn the mark off her cold skin.

Klaus took a moment to take in Elijah’s appearance. Dried blood coated his white button up, a bloody, smudged handprint covered his right cheek. His hair was disheveled and tears stains covered his cheeks.

“Sister, get a sheet, please,” Klaus murmured. In a whisper of air Rebekah was gone and back again, white sheet in hand. “Elijah, you must let her go,” Klaus put his hand on his brother's shoulder.

“No.” Elijah responded immediately, his own voice loud in his ears.

“Broth-,”

“No, Niklaus. I cannot leave her. I can’t let her go. This wasn’t supposed to happen,” only then did Elijah lift his eyes to meet his brother’s, realizing that Klaus was dirty with mud and blood. He looked over at Rebekah and Freya, both were frayed and Freya was slightly wounded, but all in all, they were okay. “Where were you?” Elijah asked quietly, his eyes not leaving Freya’s.

Freya’s heart broke in her chest as her eyes welled with tears. “We were dealing with these same witches.” She gestured to the body cradled by Elijah. “We should have been here,” she said, leaving Rebekah’s side and moving closer to her brother, keeping her eyes locked on his. “I’m so sorry, Elijah.” As she talked to him, Rebekah and Klaus worked gently to remove the body from Elijah’s lap. Elijah didn’t necessarily let them, but he didn’t fight them either. He maintained eye contact with his sister and as soon as his lap was freed he collapsed into her arms, sobs tearing free from his lips. Klaus and Rebekah moved the body to the nearest table, wrapping her in the sheet supplied by Rebekah. Klaus swallowed roughly and turned back to his brother.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, brother.” Freya helped Elijah stand and Klaus moved to Elijah’s other side, helping him up the stairs of the abattoir. Elijah caught a glimpse of the body in the sheet laying on the table and broke once more, dropping to his knees on the stairs, his siblings trying to keep him afloat. He turned and rested his head against the railing, staring at it - at her.

In his long thousand years, a grief like this hadn’t ever consumed him. Not because he wasn’t aware of the risks being with him carried, because he was fully aware of them, but because he had worked tirelessly to keep her safe in the last two years of the relationship they shared, because he knew they should have been safe.

“Her ring,” he croaked, his hand extending through the railing in her direction. Rebekah, still standing next to the table, moved to uncover her left hand and pull off the ring that lay delicately on her finger. Once it was in her possession, Elijah’s hand fell and he closed his eyes, his cheek pressing up against the cool metal of the railing.

As hard as it was for Klaus to be, he was speechless. He had never seen such a visceral reaction from his usually level headed brother. Freya choked back her own sob, the pain in her brother radiated and she felt it too. Rebekah didn’t dare make eye contact with any of her siblings, her eyes couldn’t leave the body of the girl she almost got to call sister.

-

Elijah now stands in front of the freshly bricked tomb, his eyes unmoving from what he knows lay inside. A whirlwind of events led him here and he wonders what he could’ve done differently to save her. He lays his palm across the brick, his eyes filling with tears again.

“Maybe next time, darling.”

—

Taglist: @elijahs-wife @dumble-daddy @alwaysfangirlingish @akshi8278 @drachentraum @nikmikaelsonswife @njeancastro316 @mikaelson-emma @brown-eyed-babes

For Elijah, Klaus and Kol only: @malfoys-demigod

[liptonsbabe]

Chains of a family [B.W]

Bill Weasley x Grant! reader

Chapter 1,

Chapter 2,

Chapter 3,

Chapter 4,

Chapter 5, 

Chapter 6

Summary: The Weasley family have traditions about marriage and Bill has to respect them if he truly wants the reader become his wife. In the attempt to respect his family wishes the weasleys have to visit reader’s grandparent Tim Grant who has a lot of things to say

Word count: 5K TOO LONG I’M SO SORRY

Warnings: none(?

A/N: Hey! part 6 of this thing. I’m so sorry to update this late but it was a complicated chapter and the longest so far. I’ll try to make small chapters from now on and the wedding is aproching, you guys!! i’m sooo excited to publish that part but we have to wait a little more for that.

So, as i’ve said in the last chapter, i changed some things from de canon like Bill being attacked by Grayback and such. it’s just for the plot of this series ok? hope you don’t mind guys.

Anyways, like always, english not my mother language so pls let me know if somethings wrong. Enjoy!

Chapter 6: Your life is not enough

You needed a couple of weeks to fully recover, even if it meant having Bill on your back every hour and taking you away from your duties with the Order. The mission that Remus Lupin gave you had to wait until further notice, all for William's excessive concern about your wounds

The task of keeping you away was complicated, more so when the Death Eater attacks had gained strength that no one expected. The members of the order spent twenty-four hours a day on watch with no time for breaks, even Bill went three days without sleep until you, still recovering , left the room and dragged him back with you regardless of his constant complaining. Molly supported you in the decision - thank god - telling her son not to worry that the rest of the Order would keep their eyes fully opened and he could rest comfortably next to you

The drastic change in Mrs. Weasley's behavior confused you because there was no reason for it, but the relief helped make your recovery quicker and less painful. The healer who  you the morning after the accident with the Death Eaters took too long to close the wound as it was a curse wound and it needed a counter spell to heal properly, but not having one, he used other tactics and Dittany to help it heal. However, the help had come too late, and the scar was a throbbing fact that stung terribly when you made the slightest move. The healer said the burning and discomfort would go away with time, but the redness would stay forever. You thought that would be the last of your problems until you got your first glimpse of the result of the attack.

It was a disastrous thing, but it could have been much worse. You sighed as you looked at your disheveled image in the bathroom mirror. You had just taken a shower and Bill was still dressing in the bedroom. You took off the robe Ginny had given you a night before, watching the scar glisten across the valley of your breasts ending above your ribs. You sighed again, if you didn't consider yourself pretty before, at that moment you felt awful.

A new figure appeared in the reflection accompanied by a bright smile. William wore his white shirt tucked into his pants, his bow tie dangling from his collar and his suspenders placed perfectly flush against his shoulders. You smiled, looking at him through the mirror.

“Getting used to your dazzling new short hair?” You asked as you noticed Bill's nervous hand run over his head for the fifth time after the shower. Bill groaned, burying his face in your neck.

“I hate this style”

“And why did you cut it off, then?”

“Mom made me," he stated, tightening his hands around your waist, "She wants me to make a good impression, and for once I wanted to please her in something”

“Wow, your mom wanting to impress my family? That's new”

“Well, not every day you get to visit Lord Voldemort's brother," you gave him a bad look, smacking his hand, "Too soon for a joke, sorry”

You shook your head, escaping from Bill's embrace putting perfume behind your ear, on your wrists and neck. You gasped when a small drop of perfume touched your wound, reddening it. Your eyes lost in the scar again, knowing that even if your dress managed to cover most of it, the initial edges would be exposed like the body of a worm crawling through your clothes. Bill discovered your discontent. He hugged you again, running his fingertips over your sore skin as he kissed your bare shoulder. Maybe you couldn't see it, but for Bill you were perfect. Not just for the way you looked, but  the beautiful heart that, even if he didn't deserve it, you had given him without any qualms. You deserved to be appreciated by the rest of the world, not just by him.

“I love you. You know that, don't you?”

“Even with the scar?”

“With the scar even more. It shows how brave you are and you should be proud of it. You saved Mad-Eye”

“The others will see it”

“It's their problem, not yours. You're still the most beautiful woman in this world.

You smiled, stroking the short hair of the man behind you.

“Not as much as that”

“You're right. I stand corrected. You are the most beautiful woman in both worlds”

“William...”

“I'll help you get dressed," he said, noticing that you were blushing up to your ears. William smiled without understanding why a sweet comment could make you blush, but not the fact that he was looking at you naked from the waist up. He picked up the dress hanging on the dresser reaching over to help it over your head pulling it down gently so as not to hurt you. Then, he zipped up your back leaving a wet kiss on your neck.

Bill's false calm didn't go unnoticed by you. As you smoothed the folds of your dress you noticed the trembling in his hands and the way his feet drummed on the floor. He was playing with the zipper of your dress pulling it up and down, trying to calm his nerves

“Bill, it's not necessary to do this”

“It is!” He replied looking up. You turned to him, crossing your arms around his neck, "I want to respect the traditions, to do things right. I want to show everyone that we mean business. It's just that...”

“My grandfather scares you?”

“What? No” You raised an eyebrow “Okay, maybe a little”

“You don't need to talk to him. He'll understand”

“I want to”

You gave in to Bill's pout. A few days ago, just after he asked you to marry him, Arthur Weasley spoke to his son asking him how he would go about keeping the traditions of the family. Bill didn't seem to understand what he was referring to when his father explained that the Weasleys used to always, always, visit the bride's parents' home right after the engagement to ask for their approval. Offerings were usually brought in a show of respect and the parents in question would respond by offering dinner for the guests. Bill's eyes widened, was that a real tradition?, he didn't know, “why didn't you ever tell me about it!” he questioned his father in a shout. Arthur knew about his son's untimely ignorance, returning the accusation, “Would that have made any difference on your desire to have her as your wife?” Bill didn't have to think too hard. “Of course not!” he shouted and his father laughed, patting him on the shoulder. His son was brave and would have asked for his bride's hand even from Voldemort himself. Bill was lucky tho cause he only had to talk to the old alchemist Tim Grant.

Your grandfather was the only one in the family who seemed to be neutral in the war caused by his brother, but above all he was the person who loved you most as you had both been banished from the Grants for standing up for your own convictions. Maybe Tim wasn’t an active member of either side, however, the blood connection with his brother Tom Riddle sent shivers down the spines of those around him. The man isolated himself in the Galapagos islands dangerously close to a volcano, where he was sure his brother wouldn’t dare to look for him. The Weasleys, hearing the story from your lips didn’t understand why.

You used a portkey to get to your grandfather's house. Arthur had communicated with Tim hours earlier and the two of them managed to establish a connection undetected for the ministry thanks to  the old Grant's powerful magic and his skills as an alchemist.  You couldn't hide your excitement at seeing your grandfather again, which encouraged Bill's eagerness to formally introduce himself to his next.... grandfather-in-law?

“Well then, but you don't have to worry. Grandpa is a very understanding man”

“Yeah, I'm sure he is”

“Bill Weasley, who knew talking to an old man would make you so nervous?”

“Very funny” he rolled his eyes, gluing his forehead to yours “I just want him to like me, (Y/N)”

“He likes everyone”

“That doesn't make me feel any better.”

“It will when you talk to him and see there's nothing to be afraid of” You stood on your tiptoes cause even with your high heels you couldn't reach his height. You kissed his cheek, snatching a warm smile from him “He's not like the rest of my family”

“I didn't mean to imply that, I'm sorry”

“It's all right, I know you didn't mean it. Now let's go downstairs, your mother must be going crazy”

“As if she wasn't already”

You slapped his arm as you descended the stairs. You didn't want Molly to hear them and relive her recently dissipated discontent with you

The rest of the family were already near the portkey with their arms full of baskets with offerings for your grandpa and the twins carrying some strange ornaments. Bill's sister Ginny greeted you with a smile, handing one of the baskets to her older brother. Molly and Arthur approached their children, both hanging on the opposite arm dressed in their best sunday clothes to make a good impression. You smiled without waiting for Bill's mother to smile back.

After the accident at Little Whinging Molly's rudeness disappeared. Not that she accepted you with open arms, but she stopped making bad comments and avoided looking at you in a bad way. Bill didn't know what Mad-Eye said to his mother that night when he told everyone how you had saved him knowing how much he owed you, but Bill didn't understand the size of the changing till he saw his mother offer you a piece of litchi pie the night after the attack when you were recovering from the wound. It was not that big of a deal really, but it had left you with a permanent smile on your face.

It was Molly herself who had taken the initiative to encourage Bill to fulfill the family tradition. If a Grant was going to come into their home as their son's wife then she should do it the way they knew. Her first piece of advice to her son was cutting his hair to a normal length. Bill was horrified by his mother's words cause he knew she was taking advantage of the moment to make him suffer with his precious mane. He did it anyway, because there wasn't anything in the world he wouldn't do for you

It was a drastic change, but it was worth it. Molly saw your eyes sparkle at the sight of her son so changed, with his hair cut short and his beard shaved. Your fingers danced over his face appreciating the effort Molly, not yet convinced of your influence at home, had made for you. Molly stifled a smile, unaware even to herself, that you were slowly beginning to win her heart.

You touched the shuttle at the same time falling precipitously in the sand and Harry helped you up  with a smile. Then you walked straight appearing in front of a huge house that was sheltered by the foothills of the bubbling volcano on the other side of the island. The twins, like the rest of the family, let out an exclamation of astonishment as Ron, harried by the huge spiders hovering in the sand, ran for the door.

The smell of freshly cooked food escaped through the cracks in the door before it was opened. The twins' eyes widened as they recognized the delicious smell of cooked prawns and coconut sauce wafting over their heads. You knocked on the door three times, then stopped and resumed the knocking four more times. The Weasleys watched you, did you have a special code to communicate with each other?

"Come in" You gave way to them closing the door behind you and sealing it with an unknown spell. Bill waited for you at the threshold as his family was already making their way to the table where a very well dressed Tim Grant was waiting for them sitting in the main chair. Bill looked at him from his position, shaking “We still have time to run away” you joked “If you're not ready...”

“I am," he said confidently.

“Okay”

You both walked toward the dining room. Tim was greeting the rest of the family enthusiastically. Bill sighed. At least Tim seemed to get along with his parents, so that was good. They all filled a seat, with Tim occupying the head and Arthur the opposite end; Molly sat on Tim's right side and you sat on Mr. Weasley's right side. The twins, Ron, Harry and Ginny took the middle seats leaving Bill the only vacant spot on Tim's left side. Bill took a breath before taking the seat and receiving a curious look from the man.

“Ah, how wonderful is to have more people to fill the empty spaces! A table this big doesn't serve any purpose unless it's fully occupied, does it? That's what I always say!”

“Don't you usually get many visitors?” asked Molly, breaking the ice. Bill felt sweat trickle down his back. Tim guffawed, patting the back of Molly's hand on the table.

“I’m afraid so. I think that is cause I'm the only one crazy enough to live near an active volcano and my family's fame doesn't help me much either, I'm generally a lonely man. Most of the time it's frustrating, but I can deal with it. You are a big family from i can see, are they all yours, Arthur?”

“Only the redheads," he replied. You recognized in his tone of voice a slight pride “The other one is...”

“Harry Potter” Tim Grant's eyes sparkled with recognition. He looked at Harry with a smile, bowing his head to him in respect. Harry did the same “I know him. He's the guy who's been giving my brother headaches”

Tim's laughter echoed through the house being followed by the twins and you cleared your throat to get his attention. Tim spotted you from across the table waving his hand dismissively.

“Grandpa, please”

“A little joke to lighten the mood, my dear, oh, are these for me?” he questioned, bringing closer the baskets offered by the Weasleys resting on the table. Bill's basket was in front of him waiting to be properly delivered, so he stood up and did as he should. Tim Grant gladly received it, complimenting the selection they had made “What a cute boy, did you see him, dear,? he's gone red!”

You let out a chuckle, nodding at your grandfather's words. Bill's face was flushed as he returned to his spot and looked down at his hands. Tim guffawed again and banged the table.

“I appreciate the gifts, Arthur, I've never been part of a tradition like this before”

“It was important for my son and the rest of us to do it, to introduce ourselves properly”

“Sure! It's what a family with honor does. I'm not surprised. No, not at all. The Weasleys were in the book of the sacred twenty-eight for a long time until they were struck off the list. Tell me, that was quite a blow, wasn't it?”

“Not so much, my family has never cared about that sort of thing”

“Of course! It never did, I could see it up close. Did you know I was friends with your grandmother, Lysandra Yaxley?”

Arthur's eyes widened.

“Really?”

“Really. My family also once belonged to the most important pureblood families until I was born, of course. Lysandra and I became friends because her family also got kicked off the list when Cedrella, your mother, married your father Septimus Weasley. Even your grandfather Arcturus was removed from the Black family tree which was an embarrassment for him being that the ancestral Black family is too proud and such. Anyway, that's part of life, right? Creating new families, bringing people together...”

“Was your family always purebloods?” Fred asked. Tim shook his head

“It was. As I mentioned, before I made my appearance in this world”

“Why?”

Tim was suddenly silent. You scanned your grandfather's face waiting for an answer. Dinner plates flew in from the kitchen and positioned themselves at each guest's place setting while a huge chocolate fountain was set up in the center accompanied by a plate overflowing with assorted fruit. The baskets took a turn and took a place on your grandpa's shelves. Tim sighed, looking at the Weasleys asking to begin dinner.

“I’m the son of a witch, but not of a pure blood wizard”

“Don't you and Lord Voldemort share the same father?”

“Harry...”

”It's all right, Molly, I can answer that” Tim rubbed his chin, thinking “I understand your concern boy, being hide here doesn't make me ignorant to what's going on out there and I know better than anyone what you're going through. You need weapons against my brother and you do well. Tom is a big threat, a very big threat indeed. You're right, Tom and I don't share a father, but that doesn't make him any less my brother.

“I think we're straying from the subject that brought us here” mentioned Arthur feeling a sudden warmth. You supported him, but Tim continued to speak

“I was the son of Merope Gaunt and Aleister Grant. My father was a famous son, grandson and great-grandson of brilliant alchemists, and unsurprisingly he was one himself. Merope Gaunt was...  a direct descendant of Salazar Slytherin and a Parselmouth. She had a brother named Morfin and my grandfather was Sorvolo Gaunt. My parents met when the Gaunts had just moved to Little Hangleton after their exile and needed a place to stay. They became the owners of a squalor ridden shack on the edge of town and well, my father was a young alchemist who lived near the Gaunt abode”

You sipped from your wine glass as you listened to your grandfather speak. Never, even with the rest of the family, had he ever struck such a chord as he was doing with the Weasleys. The truth was that you didn't understand why he was telling them all that, however, you weren’t interested in interrupting the story as you knew your grandfather had a purpose with him.

“Those of us who are dedicated to alchemy have never enjoyed an enviable reputation because our transmutation abilities are mostly underestimated by the things that magic in general can produce and it makes a science like alchemy reserved for muggles in their attempt to approach the power that the wizards possess. Personally I think there is something right about that, precisely cause the transmutation in the Muggle world is divided into subjects they taught in schools like chemistry or physics, but alchemy goes beyond that, it’s a connection between the wizard and the spirituality that each one possesses...” the man's gaze was lost in a place at the table, pausing the story. Harry settled back on the seat waiting for him to continue “But it's very difficult to erase the deep-rooted ideas about it, so the best is ignore that and continue doing what we believe is right. Anyway, ah! I got off topic, didn't I? Okay, okay, well my parents ended up meeting and my father fell in love with my mother as fast as my socks get cold at night, but that infatuation wasn’t well regarded by my uncle and even less by my grandfather, of course, for the fame of the alchemists at the time”

“So what happened?” you asked. Tim smiled at you, taking a bite of the rye bread on his plate.

“My mother was treated worse than a house- elf by her father and Morfin, so she decided to run away with my father to France where he had several alchemist friends who could protect them. The Gaunts might have been exiled, but they were still dangerous and to be honest I think my father was terribly afraid of uncle Morfin. They eventually made it to France, but they encountered an infamous muggle who tried to hurt my mother”

Everyone stopped eating to pay attention to Tim as he drank his third glass of wine. You thought that your grandfather wouldn't even be able to stand up by the end of the night.

“He was known as Gilles De Rais. He was a sadistic muggle who tried to become a wizard even though he wasn't born a wizard and used my father to tell him secrets of alchemy. One night they were having a conversation when my father revealed him that there were certain amounts of gold in people's bodies. Gold is a very valuable component, as you already know, so the man's greed didn’t take long to show itself and he questioned my dad how it could be obtained. My father told him that the only way to obtain the gold was by draining the blood and dividing it with a very complicated procedure, however, the gold of an ordinary adult was quite scarce. The real wealth was in the blood of children of no more than ten years old because they possessed a great amount of gold and other components that could be transmuted into riches. The muggle did so, and when he learned that my mother was a real witch, he wanted to know if golden blood ran through her veins, which would make him richer than he already was. My father refused, and decided to leave the place before he hurt us, because they knew she was already pregnant. The muggle went mad and unleashed in him a fury that spread throughout France”

The Weasley twins chorused an astonished murmur as the others moved up to the table so as not to miss a word of the story. You sent a glance at Bill as he hadn't stopped sweating and going over his words all evening.

"They wanted to go back to Little Hangleton but my uncle and grandfather were still in a rage waiting to see them arrive, so my father sent my mother alone while he found another place to stay as he could not expose her to the cold streets of France while on standby, so they had no choice but to leave her with her family avoiding revealing my existence to them. Uncle Morfin didn’t want my mother back, but my grandfather convinced him because they needed someone to take care of the house and their needs. Time passed, my father didn’t come back and I was born in the garden of the house while my mother watered the plants”

“My birth was a surprise to everyone because my mother knew how to hide me well until my father's arrival but, as that didn't happen, I couldn't stand it any longer and made my triumphant appearance on my grandfather's favorite bushes. Uncle Morfin was furious and even tried to get rid of me immediately, but my mother clung to me like a lioness.

“Really?”

“Really," he replied with a broad smile, "I think a part of her was still holding on to my father showing up at some point and getting us out of there, but again that didn't happen. Mom had to endure her brother and father's abuse for me and that's a debt I can never repay”

The whole table fell silent, thinking. Dinner continued as a heavy thunderstorm rumbled overhead, accompanying old Tim Grant's story as if it were yesterday. The man paused to eat and the others did the same with no desire to miss a word. Harry's eyes sparkled in wonder and Mr. Weasley's strong hand on yours helped to soothe your fervent anguish.

“I guess that's what mothers do, isn't it? Anyway, the years passed and I had to live under uncle Morfin's shadow and at the mercy of his growing wrath. When I turned five I started helping the market men with their chores in exchange for a couple of pounds which we had to exchange later for galleons and sickles to survive for two weeks. Mom helped bring money into the house, but it wasn't enough. Then, at seven, the Dream Messengers showed up one night telling me I was required to study at the Uagadou magical college in Africa so I couldn't refuse”

“Wait, Uagadou takes students from the age of seven?”

“Oh I see," the man settled back in his chair, wiping the corners of his lips with a napkin as he stared at Ron, "I forgot that the rest of the magical schools aren't very well known around here, are they? Well, yes, some schools take in very young students as is the case with Uagadou or the Japanese school. It depends a lot on the traditions in each region i guess, because in the African school they select only descendants of alchemists or who have had at least someone  in their bloodline whose spirituality helped them to become one. It wasn't all as easy as that, of course, because each student had to pass a test before having a permanent stay, but....

“What kind of test?” Harry questioned when dinner was over and they start dessert. The twins were the first to help themselves a piece of fruit, playing with the chocolate fountain in the center of the table.

“One that only wizards with alchemist ancestry could pass, Mr. Potter. I passed the test so I had no choice but to move to the castle immediately. I didn't want to leave my mother alone, but she convinced me to do it. Going to Uagadou was a great opportunity for me and for her cause it meant I could follow in my father's footsteps” Tim's face suddenly darkened as he pushed away the overflowing plate of fruit Molly offered him. He folded his hands on the table and thought for a long moment. The twins continued to play with the chocolate fountain but a fierce look from their mother made them stop. Then Tim Grant sighed, wiping the sweat from his brow with the handkerchief on his coat “I regret that decision to this day. I could have gone to Hogwarts like any other wizard, but I suppose my ambition got the better of me. Maybe... if I hadn't left Little Hangleton she never would have met Tom Riddle”

You tensed as you felt the pressure of Mr. Weasley's hand on yours a little too tightly. One glance at the others was enough to understand the dread the name struck their nerves. You even caught a glimpse of the hiss on Molly's lips and saw the sting in Harry's scar. Tim let out a chuckle, taking another drink from his wine glass.

“My brother’s father. I didn't hear from him until a couple of years later, when my mother wrote to me saying that uncle Morfin was in Azkaban and that my grandfather had died. She didn't give me many details, however, she did very vaguely mention the presence of a muggle who was quite striking to her. For better or worse, my mother was already forgetting my father, believing that he had abandoned her or, at worst, that he had dropped dead somewhere in France. I didn't believe the same, but it was logical that she got tired of waiting. I would never have grown tired, at least not having loved the way they did”

Your gaze rolled to meet Bill's eyes as he looked back at you. He smiled at you, causing you to blush. Then you both looked back at your grandpa who was sipping a new glass of wine.

“It was a couple more years before I stopped hearing from my family. Mom never wrote again and with uncle Morfin in Azkaban there was nothing that could be done. When I was eleven i returned to Little Hangleton only to find that my mother had married Tom Riddle, got pregnant and he had thrown her out on the street like a dog. She was left with nothing, unable to return to her father’s old house, and was forced to wander in the streets for months, until one rainy december night she went into labor in the middle of an alley. I helped her as much as I could, dragged her to the door of an orphanage where my mother no longer even had the strength to save the three of us. She had her wand in her hand, but she never used it. She gave up in front of me, the baby was born and asked me to name him after his father. She put him in my arms, the door of the orphanage opened, but mother had already died”

“Grandpa-”

“As you can understand, it's kind of hard for me to remember all that," Tim Grant's reddened eyes closed, choking back tears, "I was just a little kid taking care of a baby and I didn't do my best job of raising him. I was upset with my mother for a long time after she died, but I don't judge her now. After living an almost totally miserable life, my mother had no hope and not enough courage to make her want to keep trying, even for the sake of her newborn son. That decision had a considerably negative impact on Tom's psyche as he was growing up I suppose cause I had to go back to school and I couldn't take him with me, I would have! Of course I would have. I tried, but Tom wasn’t descended from any alchemist and there was nothing I could do about that. I tried, Merlin knows I did. I felt the need to leave him in that orphanage. I visited him whenever I could. For a year I went back and forth from continent to continent to see him, but that wasn't enough for Tom to grow up feeling loved. Orphanage life is hard, dear friends, we shouldn’t judge others too harshly, much less a lonely mother” Tim Grant's irritated eyes were fixed on Harry, reflecting deep pain “She was weakened by her long suffering and she never had Lily Evans’ courage. Everyone sacrifices for those they love in different ways, and my mother did it in her own way”

“Why didn't you ever talk about this?” you asked from across the table. Everyone looked at you “when dad asked you so-”

“Your father didn't need any more reasons to support Tom's follies” Tim shook his head “My brother is a very convincing person not only with his family members but with anyone who gets in the way of his plans. He has a very affiliated serpentine tongue, he inherited the gift of gab from our ancestors and your father grew up under his influence”

“We're very sorry for what you had to go through, Tim, but there's nothing that can be done about you-know-who and all that's left for us to do is to fight him”

“I understand, Arthur, but that doesn't stop me from blame myself. I did what I could, but an eleven-year-old can't take the place of his parents. When I graduated from school and wanted to take care of him Tom was already at Hogwarts and completely disappeared from everyone's eye," he lamented, scrunching his eyelids together, "That was the last time I saw him as the real Tom and not the ghastly grayish mass he is now”

The twins and Ron laughed at the comment and were immediately silenced by their father. Tim scrunched up his eyes, took a breath and let out a laugh looking around the room.

“Well, enough whining, that's not what you guys are here for, is it?” Bill, that had kept silent, denied when the man turned to see him, "What's done is done, and lamenting won't do any good, but I hope that what I've just told you will help you to see Tom's human side if he still has it, which I doubt it very much”

“Thank you, sir”

“You're welcome, Harry, dear, well? What was you wanted to tell me, my boy?”

Tim Grant turned his full body towards Bill, almost climbing up on the table fixing his huge opaque eyes on Bill's. Bill held his gaze noticing that the man was drunk since the beginning of the evening. He looked to you for help, but you were too busy watching Mrs. Weasley's reaction to hearing the reason for your visit.

“Come on, boy, don't be shy”

“I... well, I wanted to-”

“Oh, Arthur, your son is so cute!” he shouted as he squeezed Bill's cheeks. His brothers and Harry laughed and even Molly hid a mischievous smile by putting a piece of apricot in her mouth “Poor frightened boy. But, come on! I'm not going to make it harder for you, I know you're here to ask for my granddaughter's hand in marriage, aren't you?”

“Yes, that's right, sir”

“Well, that's a great gesture of you, but this is a job for (Y/N)’s parents”

“It is, but you understand that under such circumstances we couldn't pay a courtesy visit to the Death Eaters," Arthur interjected with an amused smile.

“Indeed”

“So...”.

“So..." repeated Tim. You sighed, "You love my granddaughter?

“Yes, sir”

“How much?”

“A lot”

“Are you going to protect her, take care of her, and love her?”

“With my life, sir”

“Your life is not enough for me, William” Tim smiled at him, tapping Bill's chin with one of his fingers “My granddaughter is still a Grant, descended from very powerful wizards. My hand will not tremble to revenge the suffering you put her through, am i being clear?”

“Y-yes, sir. Crystal clear”

“Good boy," he replied, patting his cheek. Then he turned to Molly, took her hand and kissed the back of it, giving her a beautiful smile. The woman blushed, but it didn't last long because the man turned to her husband and bowed his head in respect. Arthur pressed your hand on the table and also kissed the back of your hand, making a promise “Well, then. Arthur, your son has my blessing to marry my granddaughter”

Mr. Weasley raised his glass, offering it to Tim.

“Thank you, Tim. We promise to take care for (Y/N) as a member of our family”

“I hope so." The man rested his chin on his hands, watching the huge smile form on your lips and kissing Arthur's cheek. He turned to Molly lightly patting her shoulder offering her a sweet roll which she accepted with a giggle “It's nice to see you accepting my (Y/N) so well” Molly wrinkled her nose “Since who she is and coming from a family as complicated as ours...it was hard for me to believe that someone from the outside could fall in love with her someday. I always knew my little girl was different from everyone” Tim's brown irises clouded over. Molly fell silent “You could put her in a basket of rotten apples and she'd make them blossom, so I'm glad to hear you've taken her in as one of yours. Being a Grant is a very complicated task, i never had a problem with people speaking shit about me, i was never ashamed to be recognized as Lord Voldemort's brother, but my yoke should not fall on my granddaughter” Molly Weasley listened carefully “I have always been a faithful supporter of being judged individually and not by the others actions, that would be like punishing children for their parents mistakes, wouldn't it? That wouldn't be fair and it wouldn't make us any less guilty than my brother, isn't that what he’s doing? Punishing Muggle-born wizards just because they weren't born under Merlin's blessing? I like you, Molly, I know you understand.

A pain in her chest made her look down, embarrassed. But then Tim lifted her chin at just the right moment for her to catch the moment her son rose from his place to walk over to you and lock you in a breath-stealing hug. Arthur was at your side watching you and then his attention focused on his wife giving her a beaming smile, the kind she hadn't seen in a long time. Even the rest of their children had joined in the celebration and Harry rose to congratulate you while you and Bill happily sealed your engagement with a kiss. Tim moved Molly's chin towards him, their gazes colliding.

“Yes," Molly whispered, "I understand.

“Good” Tim let out a laugh, pulling away from Molly to toast. The woman watched you as she smiled thinly ”Then my story was useful somehow”

Tag list:

@purple-vodka-99

@vampirestrawberries​

@accio-remus-lupin

@pennyllanne

[fific7]

Dangerous and Divine - Epilogue

Billy Russo x Reader

Summary: Billy Russo is an itch you don’t want to scratch. But he’s all over you like a rash.

A/N: The final part!! This does not follow canon, it’s mainly fluff & lemon zest 🍋 Hopefully you’ve guessed by now that is my “Billy Russo Deserves Real Love AU” as I totally refuse to accept what happened in S2! The GIF is from Exposed, unreleased pilot show in case you’re wondering 😌... Billy vibes.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content including oral and unprotected* sex between consenting adults. Some drinking & swearing.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(My GIF)

Six Months Later

You opened up your eyes slowly, becoming aware of a finger trailing gently down your arm; it felt like a butterfly fluttering on your skin. Two dark chocolate eyes were gazing down into yours, sparkling with mischief.

“Good morning, Mrs Russo,” a very self-satisfied Billy Russo whispered, smiling at you.

You yawned, stretching out out your limbs and enjoying the feeling of a light breeze on your body coming through the patio doors.

“Morning, Billy,” you replied, reaching up and kissing his lips, scratching a finger along his bristly jaw. “And how is my wife this morning?” he asked, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “I’m good... actually, very good,” you smiled up at him. “Just as well we’ve got our own villa, angel. You were so noisy last night, screaming my name,” he teased.

Getting up, you stretched again, aware of Billy’s eyes on you as you picked up your little silky robe, slowly putting it on and enjoying the disappointed look on his face. “That’s just to big up your male ego, poppet,” you teased back. He flung himself onto his back on the bed, faux-sulking, “How can you say that, sweetheart?! ....after I kept you up half the night making love to you?”

“Only half the night? Would’ve thought the love god that is Billy Russo would be claiming it was all night!!” A pout instantly appeared on his handsome face and that was just too much, so you leant down over him, stroking his face and kissing him passionately. He grabbed you, pulling you down onto him and your robe came off a lot faster than it went on, unceremoniously dumped on the floor. “Ride me,” he whispered in your ear.

You had to bring him back down to earth though, as you quite urgently needed to visit the bathroom and so you’d extricated yourself from his arms and stood up, picking up your robe. The pout had got even poutier and his eyes looked huge as he gazed up at you from where he lay on the crisp white Egyptian cotton sheets. “Oh, okayyy,” he drawled, grinning, both hands going up behind his head as he lazed back on the pillows, “....so now we’re married, you’re gonna start slappin’ sex bans on me, huh?” You slipped your robe back on and put your hands on your hips, “Billy Russo! Don’t be such a drama king! You’d think you were on your honeymoon or something!” He just kept on grinning at you.

“Well! You either wait two minutes so I don’t have an accident on those lovely clean sheets, or maybe I’d better just call my divorce lawyer right now!” you mock-threatened. His face fell, “Angel! I’m only jokin’ y’know!” You burst out laughing, “Me too, you silly big sap! But not about going to the bathroom!” Flouncing out of the bedroom, hearing his answering laugh as you went.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Once you were in the bathroom, you let your mind drift back over the last few days. You and Billy had been married just two days ago, a small wedding just as you both wanted with close family and friends only (Billy’s Marine buddies being his family). You’d had the most perfect day, but after all the planning and rushing around in the run-up to the big day, you felt as if it had all gone by in a flash. Whoosh - and it was all over. One minute Karen and your little cousin had been fussing round you, helping with your hair, your makeup, your dress, and in no time at all - it seemed - Billy was taking your hand and leading you out of the reception party, accompanied by a chorus of wolf whistles and catcalls.

You two had stayed that night in the beautiful hotel in upstate New York where the wedding had been held. Billy had picked you up ‘bridal style’ while you were in the hotel elevator and then carried you along the corridor to your suite, kicking the door shut behind him and laying you gently down on the bed. Then he had slowly and sensually slid your wedding dress and underskirts up over your thighs, smile as bright as the sun as he ran his hands over your stockings and garter belt, pushed aside your lacy underwear and had taken you right there and then, whispering to you all the while that now you were truly his.

The next day, you and Billy had flown from JFK to Ibiza in the Balearic Islands, Spain. He’d been surprised when you’d said where you wanted to go for your honeymoon. He thought you’d want to go to the Caribbean or the Maldives or suchlike. But you’d spent some very happy times there when you were on your travels a while back, and you knew he’d love the laid-back vibe of the island.

So he’d booked a luxurious villa for a whole month, in the pine-clad hills above a large cove with a beach called Cala Llonga, east of Ibiza Town. The aromatic scent in the air was truly intoxicating and you closed your eyes, inhaling it from the small breeze making its way through the bathroom window, open just a tiny bit.

You sighed happily; both workplaces had been asked to contact you only in a dire emergency and with Frank and Jake left in charge while you and Billy were on honeymoon, after initially being anxious about being away for so long you now felt surprisingly relaxed about it.

Washing your hands and making your way back to the bedroom, you smiled as you saw your new husband sprawled out on the bed, naked and looking at you with a devilish smirk on his handsome face.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy happily stretched out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and hearing the water running in the bathroom in the background. The more he thought about it, the more he could hardly believe it - he’d actually managed to persuade her to marry him. He really thought he’d blown it when he’d proposed the first time. When she’d changed her mind and said ‘Yes’, he’d been so happy he thought he’d explode like a human hand grenade.

Still somewhat surprised about his complete turnaround from playboy to lovesick sap, he’d decided long before the wedding to just lie back and accept what the Fates had in store for him. Maybe they’d decided to give him some good karma for a change, after his solitary and loveless childhood and the difficulties he’d had after he left the Marines.

He thought back to just before the wedding ceremony, when Frank had been helping him tie his silver silky cravat after he’d put on his fancy morning suit and dress shirt. His big friend had suddenly clasped his shoulder, saying gruffly, “Bill.... you’ve finally got a chance to be ‘Happy Ever After’, y’know bud. Don’t fuck it up, whatever you do.”

Grabbing the big paw on his shoulder, he’d said sincerely, “I won’t, Frankie... believe me, I won’t.”

He’d also thought about a text he’d received the night before the wedding, and which he’d decided not to mention to his girl. Because it was from Madani. She’d heard the news about Billy getting married from Sam, who he’d met by chance in a local bar a few days before the wedding.

Typical vitriolic Madani, he thought. Saying how he was making a big mistake and he’d regret it in the end. Meaning, of course, because he hadn’t chosen her. Hadn’t even wished the two of you well, couldn’t bring herself to make even that small concession.

Bitch. He’d angrily deleted the text along with the whole string of her past messages, and had then deleted her contact details out of his phone. A feeling of great satisfaction had washed over him as he’d hit the ‘Delete Contact’ button on Dinah Madani. Gone and very definitely forgotten.

Now he looked over to see his angel walking back towards him, looking totally edible in her silky robe.

Grinning, he patted the sheet next to him, “C’mere, sweetheart....”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy grabbed your wrist, pulling you down next to him and pouncing on top of you. The robe came off again and he was kissing you hungrily, appetite undiminished even after your mutual athletics the night before. He ran his hands all over you, pulling your body closer against his, telling you how much he loved you, wanted you, needed you. Then he rolled over onto his back, grinning over at you, “C’mon, angel... I need you to ride me.”

Grinning back at him, “Might do,” you replied. He shook his head, “No, really.... angel... you need to do it and do it now.” You also lay down on your back, “What’s the consequences if I don’t?” you teased. He looked horrified, “You sayin’ No to me?” You shrugged, smirking. “Angel! Please.... what... uhhh... do I gotta beg?” You nodded, “I think you do.” So Billy sighed, getting up and then kneeling beside the bed, hands clasped together and held up in supplication to you, “Please, goddess, m’beggin’ you.... pleeeease! Please!”

From your lofty perch on the bed, you looked down at the male masterpiece currently on his knees in front of you. The early morning sun highlighted his sculpted muscles to perfection, including the delicious-looking erection he was sporting, and you couldn’t keep up the pretence any longer. You reached down and grabbed a handful of his hair, tugging on it several times as his now-grinning face looked up at you.

“Ahhh... so I got the green light, goddess?” You nodded imperiously, and he leapt up and onto the bed at the speed of light. You pushed his shoulders down into the pillows and climbed on top of him, seeing his eyes widen in anticipation. Leaning over, you slid your fingers to the back of his neck and began gently stroking, then took his ‘tache between your lips and sucked gently, before running your tongue over it and then sucking again. Hearing small whimpers coming from him, you moved on to the tufty bit of beard under his bottom lip, giving it the same treatment. Then you ran your tongue very slowly over his bottom lip and suddenly you heard an agonised ‘Fuck!” from Billy, and wetness spread over your stomach and thighs.

Sitting up, you looked down in surprise at the sheen you could see glinting on your skin. A very sheepish-looking Billy was gazing up at you, “Uhhh....m’sorry, angel,” he whispered, “....y’got me too excited.” He covered his eyes with one big hand, then you saw two dark chocolate eyes peeking out between his fingers at you. “Are you mad at me?” he asked, somewhat fearfully. You leant down and kissed his nose, “No! Course not, Billy.”

He slid his hand away from his face, “Really? Been goin’ on at you to ride me then don’t even get inside you before.....!” and he gestured at the pearly liquid on your skin. His face was tinged pink by now, “M’so embarrassed!” he wailed. “Honestly, Billy.... I’m not mad at you,” you said, tweaking his nose between finger and thumb before getting up and heading through to the bathroom. Grabbing a handful of baby wipes you went back to the bedroom, sitting on the bed and quickly cleaning yourself up before teasing Billy by running a baby wipe slowly and sensually along his velvety length. You heard some low soft moans from him, and knew it wouldn’t be very long before he was fully aroused again.

So you kept on stroking him. Laying the baby wipe aside, you continued using just your hand on him. “Sweetheart, what you tryin’ to do to me?” he asked in a breathy voice. “Oh, poppet.... I think you know exactly what I’m doing,” you smirked down at him, loving the way he looked at that moment, vulnerable and at your mercy, big wide eyes gazing up at you, lips parted slightly. You slid your hand in between his legs, taking hold of his balls, gently massaging and squeezing them while still working his cock with your other hand. He squirmed below you, breath catching in his throat, one hand going to the hand you were stroking him with and pulling it to the head of his cock. Taking the hint, you concentrated on it, squeezing and rubbing at it while Billy writhed under you, letting out a string of swears.

Then you decided to add a little something to the mix and leant down to lick him, letting your tongue drag over his tip back and forth with quite some force. Billy had cried out really quite loudly as you started doing that and you smiled, thinking he’d made a good point about having a private villa. You could both be really noisy when you wanted to be. Feeling him stiffening in your hand, you increased the speed and firmness of your stroking and also took him more fully into your mouth.

“Please.... sweetheart!” groaned Billy, “....gotta get inside you... please!!!” You could hear him beginning to pant so without further delay you guided him inside you, before sinking down onto his length. He gave a long low moan, while you gasped with pleasure as soon as he was fully sheathed inside you. Billy was giving out soft whimpering moans and began desperately thrusting up into you, hands running up the sides of your body onto your breasts and he began slowly massaging. In turn you started moving on him, hands on his chest, relishing the feeling of both his firm muscled body and how he filled you completely. “You...” Billy whispered, big dark eyes gazing up at you, “...you’re perfect for me, angel. Fit me like a glove.” His hand moved down to where your bodies were joined and began rubbing your clit with his thumb.

“Could say the same about you, Marine,” you breathed against his ear, leaning down and giving him a dirty open-mouthed kiss before moving your mouth onto his neck beard, and running your tongue over it. You felt Billy tense up and knew he was about to climax, and you felt your own orgasm building. Both of you were wound up tighter than springs! You wrapped your arms round your new husband’s shoulders and let the waves of pleasure roll over you.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

A lot later on, you and Billy strolled down to Cala Llonga and joined the small queue of people waiting on the little stone jetty for the water taxi to Ibiza Town. The boat was fairly small and you all crammed onto the wooden benches which filled most of it. Billy wrapped his arm round you, glaring at the Dutch guy sitting on the other side of you who’d been smiling and trying to make small talk with you. “We’re on honeymoon,” he growled at him, butting in just as the guy asked where you were staying. “Oh that’s great, congratulations!” he said, and you’d smiled at him, “Thank you.” Billy however was still glowering at the poor guy, so you elbowed him and he said reluctantly, “Yeah, thanks.”

You tried to distract Billy by pointing out several landmarks as the boat bobbed and puttered its way round the coast, and then the main town on the island came into sight as you rounded the last headland.

Billy gazed at the sight of the Dalt Vila (Old Town) in front of him and said in an awestruck voice, “Oh hey, that’s so pretty.” You smirked at him, “Told you you’d love it.” He looked back to you, “What’re our plans for this afternoon then?” Pleased that he was handing over the reins to you, smiling fondly at him you said, “Well, first of all I’m gonna make sure my hungry husband gets fed and watered. There are some lovely little outdoor restaurants along the marina.” You heard his stomach rumbling quietly as you mentioned food and he gave you a huge grin, “Now that’s what I call a plan.”

Stepping off the ferry, you guided him to one of the restaurants you’d eaten at before, and chose one of the tables at the front overlooking the yacht moorings. There were quite a few superyachts - some the size of small ocean liners - moored up so the oligarchs were in town, you thought to yourself.

The two of you enjoyed a leisurely lunch, before heading into the maze of narrow streets of the Old Town. Strolling right up to the old church at the very top of the hill, Billy oohing and ahhing at the whitewashed old houses and the view once you reached the church. He leant on the wall enclosing the courtyard in front of the church, looking out over the town, the two marinas and the surrounding hills and you heard a big happy sigh. He turned his head towards you, “This is perfect. You’re perfect. I love this place. And I love you.” He leant in for a kiss, and things started to get a bit raunchy before you heard a throat being cleared loudly behind you. The two of you broke apart, turning to find two elderly Spanish ladies glaring at you with outraged expressions on their faces.

You smiled at them, “Ah... lo siento, señoras, estamos en nuestra luna de miel.” Instantly, large smiles appeared on their faces and they moved away in a flurry of waving hands and staccato Spanish which you couldn’t quite catch. “What d’you say to them, sweetheart?” asked Billy. “That we’re on our honeymoon,” you grinned, “...didn’t understand all of the replies but rest assured, we’re forgiven!” He leaned in, “Well, reckon we should pick up where we left off then,” mouth back on yours. You surreptitiously ran a hand over the zip of his jeans and felt an interesting bulge there, hearing his low gasp, “Okay, but we better leave most of it till we get back to the villa... otherwise we’ll get arrested!” He sighed, nuzzling your neck, “Couldn’t we just go down one of these little streets an’.....” Laughing, you walked away holding out your hand to him, “No we can’t! C‘mon, tiger,” and with a pout firmly in place he followed, taking your hand in his.

Heading back down through Dalt Vila into the main part of town, you came to Paseo Vara de Rey, a wide, short tree-lined boulevard near the marina. In the evenings, the locals would come here for their before-dinner strolls, stopping for a chat with friends or a quick aperitif. It was just starting to get a bit busier as locals and tourists alike came along to enjoy the late afternoon sun.

You and Billy joined the strolling groups of people, looking in the shop windows and at people sitting in the open-air café sections, gradually making your way towards the marina end of the Paseo. Steering him towards a large hotel situated on the corner of Vara de Rey and into the cool white interior of its bar, you suggested he might want to buy you a cocktail. Leaning on the bar, he grinned at you, “Okay, I will... but then can we go back to the villa?”

“But why do you want to go back to the villa, Billy? I thought you were having a nice time here in town?” “I am!” he protested, “...and you know perfectly well why I wanna go back!” said with an accompanying eyebrow wiggle, “...we’re on our honeymoon!”

One of the barmen overheard him, “Ah, señor y señora! Let us make you very special cocktails in celebration of your wedding!!” Bill looked round, embarrassed, “Oh no.. s’okay, honestly - we’re fine, thanks.” Shaking his head vigorously, the barman grabbed a couple of cocktail shakers and tossed one of them to his co-worker, “But we must! It will take just a few moments.”

Then there was a flurry of pouring, shaking, ice, fruit and citrus slices being added before a couple of glasses were placed on the bar in front of you with a flourish. You and Billy eyed each other before taking a sip from your drinks. It was pleasant enough - you could taste rum and fruit - but not particularly what you’d’ve chosen for yourself. However, in the same spirit as the drinks were offered, you both made appreciative noises and thanked them profusely, before escaping to a table by the window overlooking Vara de Rey. Sitting down, Billy chuckled, “I guess I better learn to keep my big trap shut!” You agreed, “You’re forgetting that most of the locals speak really good English, so don’t be giving away any more of our secrets!” “What... like the fact you love my dick and think it’s really pretty?” he sniggered, while you slapped his arm, looking round quickly to make sure no-one had heard him.

Seeing no-one within earshot, you leant forward and said, “No... more like you telling me you’re in love with my ‘perfect pussy’ and how you’d be inside me 24/7 if you could be!” He snorted out some of his drink, and the two of you just sat and laughed at each other for a few moments in sheer happiness. “I love you,” he said, serious all of a sudden. “I mean, like really love you.” You smiled at him over the rim of your glass, “Well that’s good, Russo, cos I love you. Like, really love you.” Again, you sat looking at each other with goofy grins on your faces. You caught sight of both barmen looking over at you and smirking so you finished the last of your cocktail, purposefully making a noisy sucking sound through your straw as you did. “Hey, Billy... will we have one more drink and then head back?”

His eyes lit up, “Yeah!!! What d’ya want to drink this time round, angel?” “I’ll just have a mojito, please.” A few minutes later, a luscious mojito-filled glass was placed in front of you, while Billy had decided on a Sidecar, which he polished off in a few quick gulps and then sat looking expectantly at you. Shaking your head and laughing at him, you said, “I won’t be downing my lovely mojito as if it was a beer, Billy. I will be sipping it in a ladylike manner.” His face fell, “Oh.” “You’ll just have to be patient, loverboy.” He perked up a bit, “But if I’m a good patient boy, I’ll get a nice reward when we get back to the villa, yeah?” You patted his silky-haired head, “Yes, you will,” and couldn’t resist tugging on a few locks of it while you were at it. His grin grew devilish, “You wanna tug on something else, angel?” You slid your hand onto his thigh under the table, giving him a very innocent smile, “No, I am not going to lower the tone of this fancy hotel bar by misbehaving, Mr Russo.” His hand covered yours on his thigh and pulled it up onto his zip, “Well, I haveta say I’m very disappointed, Mrs Russo,” before bringing your hand up to his lips and kissing it, putting on his best puppydog eyes and pout.

You had to admit, a frisson of excitement had run through you as he’d done that - Billy had made sure you realised he had an impressive erection. So in fact you picked up your mojito and drained the glass like a sailor who’d just hit a bar after six months at sea. “Okay, Billy,” you smirked, “....you win. Let’s go, tiger.” Billy sprang up from the table and pulled you by the hand towards the door, waving over at the barmen as he went, while you gave them a smile as you passed them.

Then you had to contend with an impatient Billy, pacing up and down at the marina while you were waiting on the water taxi back to Cala Llonga. Eventually it appeared, and Billy hustled you on board, making you sit at the back and beginning to kiss you as he boxed you into the corner seat. More passengers joined soon though and you pushed him back slightly, “Billy.... behave, please. We don’t want to upset any more people with PDA’s.” He grinned, “Okay, okay, I’ll keep my hands and my mouth to myself ... for now.” As the boat began to manoeuvre backwards and away from the quayside, you pointed at the town, “So, what did you think of Ibiza Town then?” Billy nodded, “Yeah, I loved it. It’s beautiful. But y’know, as long as you’re with me.... wherever we are, that’s what I really love.” You poked him in the side, “You big sap!” you laughed and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, “...but you’re my big sap, as they say.”

Those gorgeous dark eyes of his sparkled back at you, and his hand stroked your cheek, “Yeah I am, sweetheart... and that’s the most important thing. It’s all anyone needs to know about us. I’m yours, and you’re mine. And we’re in love. And together. Forever.” You put your lips next to his ear, “Yes, Billy... forever,” you whispered as the little boat carried the two of you away into the gathering dusk.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Additional A/N: Hope you enjoyed this little journey with Billy and his sweetheart. All I ever wanted for Billy Russo was for him to be happy. Maybe we’ll meet these two again, who knows? Thanks so much for reading.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@blackbirddaredevil23 @galaxyjane @omgrachwrites @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @ourloveisforthelovely @swthxrry

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

[comfortwriting]

Three Can Keep A Secret F.W & G.W

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader x George Weasley (Part 1 of 3!)

Part 2, Part 3

masterlist

A/N: I saw a few fics and head canons that inspired me to write a bit of spice involving the twins! I’m open to Polyamorous Relationships, despite never being in one, so I hope that I’ve done an okay job at this! Enjoy my lovelies😊

About: The reader is in love with her two best friends: the Weasley twins. Little does she know, they’re both in love with her too. After a night of drinking at The Burrow, their secrets are out in the open - leading to an interesting night.

Warnings: Polyamory (if you’re not into it), light smut, alcohol, intoxication and swearing.

You smirked at Fred then at George, lifting up one of the bottles of fire whiskey you stole from your parents house. You flashed the label at them and quickly hid it before Percy could snitch.

“It’s so lovely to see you again my dear!” Molly chirped hugging you tightly.

You smiled into her warm embrace, hugging her back. “It’s lovely to see you too!”

“I’m guessing you three will be up late tonight, so I’ve already got your sleeping arrangements sorted in Ginny’s room with Hermione.”

The twins smiles instantly dropped as they were hoping you’d get to spend the night in their room for a change; but it wouldn’t matter, you wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight anyway.

Reaching the end of the fabulous mouth watering and filling dinner, you helped Molly clean up whilst Fred and George went outside to the garden.

Walking outside to join the two of them you stared at the gorgeous sunset.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” You sighed, realising how much you didn’t want to leave the burrow and go back to Hogwarts.

Fred shot a smirk at George “we think you’re looking rather beautiful tonight, love.” Fred flirted with you.

You let out a laugh and shook your head, sitting down with the twins. Pulling your bag closer to you and unzipping it.

Did Fred just flirt with me? you thought to yourself and George agrees with him?

 “Are you sure you’ve not been drinking?” You pulled the two bottles of fire whiskey out of your bag.

George put his arm around you “positive”

You smirked at him, eyeing up his soft lips, questioning whether to kiss him or not, wondering what Fred would do and if George would kiss back.

You and the twins had been best friends for years, you went from fancying both of them to falling completely head over heels for them; with the three of you entering your last year at Hogwarts, you couldn’t help but feel your heart pain, you’d hate never being able to see them everyday, you’d hate them being so far away.

As the sun slowly went to hide behind the moon the three of you continued to share the bottle of whiskey, gazing up at the stars when you weren’t too busy laughing and chatting; it would be a fair call to say you were all drunk and if you weren’t mistaken, having a pretty decent first date.

“Want to play a game?” You asked, not wanting a silent awkward moment to creep up on you all.

“What kind of game?” Fred asked, smirking.

You bit your lip for a moment, debating which game would get you the answers faster. 

You began to shiver as the air cooled with the entrance of the night, both of the twins moved closer to you but hesitated for a moment, staring at one another. Both Fred and George were head over heels for you too, but they were unsure if you only liked one of them back.

“Please can one of you grab the blanket?” You slurred “so we can all cuddle underneath it together”

It became apparent to the twins (and later on it would become apparent to you) that the fire whiskey had removed any type of filter you had before, and they were going to use this to their advantage.

Fred grabbed the large blanket, throwing the other end to George, the two of them pulled it over their shoulders and moved in, cuddling you.

“So what game are we playing, love?” George asked, reminding you.

“Truth or dare” you smiled, looking at both of them “we all ask one another and we choose which one we’d rather do.”

Fred and George exchanged grins and nodded, the two of them appearing to be rather excited about this little game.

“Okay then” answered Fred “I’ll start.” 

The air became more nippy but the twins body heat was keeping you warm.

“Truth or dare Y/N?” Fred smirked at you.

You hesitated for a moment “Truth” you replied.

Fred looked at George and then back at you, placing his hand on your knee. 

“Do you fancy my brother George?” he asked, making you go red.

You didn’t want to lie and you didn’t feel the need to “I do.” you admitted, causing George’s heart to pound.

You bit your lip, both of them watching you “George, truth or dare?” you asked him. 

“Truth” he replied, a spark of confidence in his voice.

“Does your brother Fred fancy me?” you smirked, knowing George wouldn’t have the time to make up a lie to protect Fred.

Fred smirked, fuck, you were good.

“He does” George replied.

“Fred, truth or dare?” George asked his brother, the moment they had been finally waiting for coming closer and closer.

“Dare.” answered Fred.

“Tell Y/N everything.” George commanded his brother, the two of them chuckling at you, beating you at your own game.

Fred stared into you beautiful Y/E/C eyes and bit his lip, then licking them. 

“Me and my brother think you’re hot, Y/N. We talk about you often, we both have feelings for you and we think it would be unfair if only one of us could have you and not the other. We both want to fuck you, would be a shame if one of would miss out on the girl we love.”

You fell silent for a moment feeling as if the wind had been knocked out of you, you couldn’t believe what Fred had just confessed, you couldn’t have counted your lucky stars more clearer - the boys you had fallen in love with, loved you back, and best of all, you wouldn’t have to worry about leaving one of them out.

“So Y/N” George slurred, kissing your neck.

“Truth or dare?” Fred smirked, cocking an eyebrow.

You breathed out feeling elated “Truth”

“Do you accept our offer?” George asked, stroking your hair. 

Fred started to trace circles onto your thigh “Do you want to date both of us?”

You took a hold of Fred and George’s hand “I do.”

What happened next could only be described as something dreams were made of - you were sat in front of George in his lap, his lips planting kisses all over your soft neck - and Fred facing you kissed you passionately.

Moaning against Fred’s lips the rest of your evening was nothing short of interesting, passionate, and out of this world.

Stumbling into Ginny’s room the boys whispered goodnight and went off to bed, you held their jumper up to your neck, climbed in the sleeping bag and went to sleep, thankful that Ginny and Hermione were fast asleep.

Opening your eyes you nearly jumped out of your skin, Ginny and Hermione hovering over and staring at you. You yawned and rubbed your eyes, your head suddenly banging from all the alcohol last night. 

What exactly happened last night?

“Thank god you’re awake” hissed Hermione, the girls moving back allowing you to wake up. 

“Who the bloody hell did that to your neck?” Ginny asked, trying to figure out if it was Fred or George.

You stood up so fast the blood rush almost caused you to fall back down again, stumbling over to the mirror you were horrified but also amazed at the love bites scattered across your neck; suddenly remembering what had gone on last night.

One side of your neck covered in huge love marks belonged to Fred, the other side with smaller but plenty more love marks belonged to George. The two of them taking turns with you before tiring themselves out.

You had to stop yourself from telling them it was the twins “Uh, Fred” you replied, your own voice causing your ears to ring. 

“George isn’t going to be happy” Hermione sighed.

“Here” Ginny tossed you a hand-me-down turtleneck jumper “you can cover his marks with his jumper, if mum sees she’ll have a fit.”

Breakfast felt like torture, you, Fred and George were so hungover - your breath stinking of fire whiskey.

Molly’s scolding made your head pound even more and the three of you had to grip the table when given a plate of food to stop yourselves from throwing up.

Arthur chuckled and winked at the three of you trying to get you to drink some juice to make you feel better until his wife caught him, scolding him.

Despite feeling like shit, the three of you exchanged smirks and questionable glances that made Hermione and Ginny exchange looks of their own. Finally, breaking away from the table after clearing it, the three of you went outside to ‘get some fresh air’.

“Nice jumper” George smirked.

“Really suits you” Fred winked.

“About last night” you said coolly “was that just the fire whiskey talking or is your offer a fulltime option?” you asked, the bruises on your neck starting to feel sore.

Deep down, no matter how crazy last night felt, you wanted it to be real, you didn’t want it to be the actions of drinking too much alcohol.

Fred and George looked at one another, Fred nodded towards George, giving him the go-forward to speak. 

“Fulltime option, love.” George answered, his hands going into his pockets.

“It’ll be our secret.” Fred added, searching your eyes.

Again, not counting your lucky stars, you smiled at both of them, laughing lightly into the air. 

“Three can keep a secret.” You smirked, hugging them both.

[therealtsk]

tsk i’m DYING to hear your play-by-play on which worm characters have dumb fanon interpretations

UH OH YOU JUST OPENED THE FLOODGATES so the short answer is pretty much every major character but I am a high-effort bitch so let's do this: Taylor Hebert: jfc, I could probably hit a word count limit talking about Taylor alone. First you have the dumb as shit TINO (Taylor In Name Only) phenomenon where people just straight up SI as Taylor but pretend it's her and she's basically a different person wearing Taylor's skin like an ill-fitting suit. Then there's the Memetic Escalator Taylor interpretation where Taylor's Warlord era characterization is flanderized so hard that she turns into her world's version of Doomguy where her response to literally everything is ultra violence, mutilation and torture and she can totally beat up anyone you guys hahah coin sock goes brrrrr you go brutalize those totally deserving victims queen. And then there's shy, stuttering, soft spoken "useless lesbian" Taylor which is not as common but still, fuckin straight men and the way they infantize gay women. Taylor is perhaps the most consistently inconsistent characterization I've seen in fandom, it's fucking wild Lisa Wilbourn: Has two fanon settings. Taylor's best friend who exists solely to give exposition and get the "Stop Coil" subplot rolling (occasional gay subtext will be added in a way that feels fetishy) Or, the evil bitchy blonde who is first target of the SI. I constantly wonder if the people who write the frankly masturbatory SI's are aware that we can tell they're still bitter about girls not dating them in highschool. Brian: basically does not exist in fic aside from the occasional joke cause racism and also because of how popular wlw ships are in Worm fandom. you deserve better dude Alec: has a few token appearances in wormfic fandom that usually have him as the comic relief alongside Aisha, which might actually be for the best considering he's a rapist and the Worm fandom's uhhhh tendencies. Moving on- Aisha: prankster girl that alt!Taylor will adopt as a younger sibling. hopefully is not part of the totally-not-a-harem considering she's even younger then the rest of these teens Bitch: Another girl to fall into alt!Taylor's definitely-not-a-harem, but with more butch tendencies. Basically has no personality in fanon outside of her dogs Parian: SHE DOESN'T HAVE A SHOP FFS also another member of Taylor's totally-not-a-harem Flechette: yeah it's a harem Sophia: holy shit you think Brian's bad? The racism in pretty much every fanon depiction of Sophia is off the charts. Hyper-violent, super edgy, "predator/prey" speech inbound, will get humilated/killed in some new, supposedly satisfying but actually just deeply uncomfortable way, probably throw in some E88 shit too just because Emma: again, do the writers know we can tell they're still malding over the fact that the pretty girls in highschool didn't date them? fanon emma is pretty much a cardboard cut out of whoever was mean to the author. something something bitches three Madison: in fanon has a C53 fetish, occasionally is also Browbeat. don't ask why Victoria: gets hit with the blonde stereotypes even harder then Lisa, "Collateral Damage Barbie" is one of the phrases that activates my flight or fight responses. she basically is an entirely different character in fanon. bubbly dumb blonde girl with a massive temper and well other sexist bullshiit Amy: I hate even touching this character with a ten foot pole but basically is hit with the "soft useless lesbian" trope hard enough to make her into a completely separate person from her canon self. whether or not this is a good thing is still up for debate Carol: in fanon, an evil bitch who exists solely to bully Amy Mark: who? The rest of New Wave: cannon fodder for Leviathan Danny Hebert: literally stale milk instead of a personality, will probably die before the fic is over but we won't care because the author did not care either Armsmaster: hahaha robotman go brrrr or is an arrogant self-aggrandizing shit, can't interact with people without Dragon helping him 24/7 Miss Militia: fanon bat'd into team mom,

idk where this came from considering her first instinct upon seeing children is to pull out a gun holy shit wait is she actually Taylor's true mom- Velocity: canon fodder for levi Battery & Assault: sitcom wife, sitcom husband! please ignore how fucked up this relationship is if you look at it for more than two seconds Dauntless: haha armsy is JEALOUS also cannon fodder for levi Triumph: who? The BB wards in general tend to be incredibly bland, the only ones who have fanon personalities of note are Clockblocker and Vista. The former being such a huge prankster that every other line is a joke- or him complaining about how BULLSHIT Alt!Taylor's powers are. Vista is an angry kiddo who says that Shadow Stalker doesn't count as being a girl on the team The E88: no personality for any of them except that Kaiser is noble and really isn't that bad and also Purity did nothing wrong totally she's just a hot mom trying to do her best, please ignore how she exclusively targets characters of color and literally calls white criminals more civilized than miniorities- the worm fandom has something of a nazi problem i hate it here The ABB: racism and honorable samurai lung even though that has no canon basis so again, racist stereotypes The Slaughterhouse 9: This one makes me just as sad as the Lisa shit because dear god this is such a good cast of villains that fanon completely flattens to bowling pins for the Alt!Taylor of the week to mow down, why does this fandom suck so much. Anyway Jack is just the Joker, Crawler is masochistic, etc i'm moving on now The PRT/Protectorate as a whole: They are an evil paramilitary organization that pressgangs kids into signing up to become child soldiers, and somehow at the same time, they are a bunch of idiots who listen to the PR department and have stupid things like RULES that prevent capes from COMMITTING VIOLENCE. Being called "the biggest gang of all" is common and some shit like "at least the criminals are honest" is a likely statement. Cauldron: whoo boy this one really boils my blood but fanon Cauldron are just a bunch of evil idiots who can't even tie their shoelaces. basically a bunch of dudebros are upset that women run the world and that two of them essentially have "I win" powers so they have to make them lose to their SI- er, Taylor in fics so they can assuage their masculinity, which totally isn't pathetic Scion: Is at once the end all be all of worm you can't write a wormfic without scion or else it's TOTALLY MEANINGLESS because what is the point of a story if all the characters are going to DIE in a few years anyway, and at the same time is incredibly easy to defeat- this ties into how Cauldron is stupid. Scion Truthers pls shut up and go read something else okay I think that's everyone I would apologize but the only thing I'm sorry for is how messy this is

[witcherslittledove]

May I request some knifeplay with a side of humiliation? Maybe Jaskier got himself caught and Geralt has to cut him free and picks up on how much he loves the knife? And gets off on how desperate he is for it?

@jaskiersbow I believe this was your prompt? If I remember rightly!

Just You Wait

Ship: Geraskier

Rating: E

CW: witcher potions, knifeplay, humiliation (minor namecalling really), butt plugs, anal sex, bondage, canon-typical violence (and death to unnamed characters), mentions of Jask/OCs, orgasm denial.

(I think that's all the warnings but let me know if I missed anything?)

Summary: Jaskier gets imprisoned as part of a spy mission and it's down to Geralt to rescue him, and well, they might as well take advantage of the chains whilst they're there.

AO3

Jaskier should be used to getting tied up. As a Redanian spy, or occasionally Temerian depending on his mood, he sometimes needed to get caught in order to obtain the information he needed. No one ever suspected the bard, and he had a particular talent for getting into trouble, namely a tendency to sleep with the wrong person’s spouse or child. This time was no different. A quick romp with the mayor’s wife, and then his daughter, had been enough to land Jaskier in jail. The poor man never even realised that Jaskier meant to get captured, and it hadn’t taken long for Jaskier to con the guards out of the information he needed. The only problem was that he was stuck, and the guards were enjoying using him as their personal punch bag. Little did they know that every hit, every movement that made his wrists pull against the shackles, jostled the plug that Jaskier had shoved up in arse before he’d been captured. So he was trapped, chained, and unbearably horny.

The best combination in his opinion.

And unfortunately for the guards, Jaskier’s husband was almost certainly on the way. That thought kept his spirits bright through every punch to the gut and face. His lips were split, he had almost certainly broken a few ribs, and he was struggling to open one eye, but that didn’t keep him from laughing. The guards had practically signed their own death warrants the moment they laid hands on him, and Jaskier happened to find it incredibly hot whenever his husband tore down half the Continent to keep him safe.

"Just you wait til my husband gets here," he whispered, his voice hoarse and cracked.

The guards looked at each other, giving Jaskier a reprieve from their brutal punches, and then they laughed. It didn’t matter though, Jaskier knew he would have the last laugh. The idiots were too busy howling to notice the sudden eerie silence in the prison, but Jaskier grinned, not looking up from the ground. A terrible scream tore through the room as a sword appeared in one of the guards stomach, blood shining in the candlelight.

Jaskier cackled. “I tried to warn you,” he sang, finally looking up to see his husband wrenching his sword from the dead guard, Geralt’s eyes were black as the night and a web of inky veins crept across the ghostly pale skin.

Geralt smirked, not bothering to wipe the blood from his sword. The second guard jumped to his feet, ready to fight but Geralt was faster. The sword flew through the air, slashing the guard's throat and he crumpled to the floor next to his companion. Jaskier cocked his head, licking his lips as he took in the bloody form of his husband, all scary face and sword raised.

Lowering the bloody weapon, Geralt cupped Jaskier’s cheek, making sure he was okay with a frantic sweep of his black eyes. It was kind of sweet really. Geralt was barely himself when he was high on the potions like this, and yet he cared so deeply that his first instinct was always to check that Jaskier was safe. And oh, how Jaskier adored him.

A low snarl rumbled in Geralt’s chest as his dark eyes took in the damage that had been done, but Jaskier just met his gaze, offering a smile. “I’m alright, dear heart,” he whispered, unable to take his eyes off Geralt.

"You're hurt," Geralt growled, scenting Jaskier, one hand gripped around his still shackled wrist.

"I'm fine," Jaskier sighed, pulling his husband into a kiss, the taste of their blood on his tongue. He’d never expected to enjoy the taste of blood, but combined with the thrill of the fight and the lingering sense of danger, he was weak. He whimpered, pulling at the shackles, wanting to be free, but first... he needed Geralt to take him like this. It was a drug, an addiction, and Jaskier was the addict. He let out a pitiful "please" against his husbands lips, desperate and aching as he was.

With the final reassurance, Geralt finally snapped, his sword gliding through the air, but Jaskier didn’t even flinch as he felt the kiss of steel grazing against his chest. Thankfully, his clothes were already ruined, otherwise Geralt would be buying him a new set, but the sound of fabric tearing and the sting of the sword scratching his skin made him feel heady. Jaskier licked the blood off his lips as he strained against the chains, but Geralt was faster, holding the sword at Jaskier’s throat with a low growl. Jaskier wasn’t scared, even though his husband was more animal than man at that moment, he trusted his husband.

And holy fuck…

He could barely catch his breath, too aroused, too dizzy, too lost in Geralt. Jaskier whimpered as the tip of Geralt’s blade nudged his chin up, forcing him to look into those midnight black eyes. Gorgeous, beautiful, obsidian eyes that haunted Jaskier's dreams. When Geralt pressed the sword harder, it cut into Jaskier's throat, not much, just enough to make him cry out. He whined pitifully, unreasonably turned on by the sharp pain. Geralt let out a low growl, and the sound sent a shiver down Jaskier's spine. The witcher’s voice was truly something else, like all of Jaskier’s wet dreams combined.

"Tell me, husband, how exactly did you get yourself arrested this time?"

Jaskier didn’t answer, too tongue-tied to form the words. They both know what he did, they might be married but Geralt had never expected Jaskier to be monogamous.

"Fucked the mayor's daughter," Jaskier admitted, gasping for breath as Geralt pressed the flat of the blade against his windpipe, "and his wife...."

And maybe his son... but Geralt didn’t need to know all the details.

Geralt snarled, the tip of his sword running through the thick hair on Jaskier's chest, dancing around Jaskier's nipples. "Is that what you do, whore yourself out in exchange for information?" Jaskier nodded, whimpering as the blade traveled further down towards his cock."I should have known I married a whore, that's all bards really are."

The witcher’s words were like fire in Jaskier’s veins, he was a whore, Geralt’s slut to use and abuse as he saw fit. He wanted that, needed that and he whined, pulling again at the chains. If he didn’t get Geralt's cock in him, blessed Melitele, he might in fact die…

"Geralt, please, I'll be good."

The sword clattered to the ground but Geralt already had a dagger ready, before Jaskier could even protest. They both knew he needed the extra incentive to stay quiet, even with no one left alive to hear them, it was just a part of the game they liked to play. Sometimes Geralt liked to gag him, but most of the time it was down to Jaskier to force himself to stay as quiet as possible.

“I don’t think “good” is in your vocabulary, bard,” Geralt said with a low snarl, biting at Jaskier’s bottom lip as he finally reached down to tease Jaskier's hole.

Jaskier laughed as he felt his husband’s fingers press against the plug, flicking his hair from his eyes as he leaned in for another kiss. "I told you I'd be good for you."

The witcher tugged at the plug, pulling it out in one swift movement, and Jaskier had to bite back a moan. It stung but dear gods... did it feel good. There was an aching emptiness at his core, as he felt the oil trickle down his bloody thighs, and he heard his own voice pleading, begging, beseeching. He needed to be filled, he needed it more than the air he breathed.

Thankfully, his husband was in a worse state than he was and it didn’t take Geralt long to slick up his cock, growling as he pushed inside Jaskier. The stretch burned slightly, the witcher’s cock larger than the plug Jaskier had prepped himself with. It felt like Geralt was fucking his very soul, and he couldn’t help but choke on his own cries as his husband pounded into him at a relentless pace, hitting his sweet spot with every thrust. Jaskier couldn’t even hold on, arms sore against the shackles that bound him to the wall.

Geralt’s teeth grazed against his neck, nipping sharply at the skin. The witcher’s low voice snarled and growled, whispering utter filth in Jaskier’s ear, but it wasn’t enough. He’d never been able to cum untouched, but Geralt was too lost in his own pleasure and Jaskier’s hands were still tied, leaving him teetering on the edge of an orgasm but never quite able to fall.

Before Jaskier could beg to be touched, Geralt came with a grunt, tearing the chains from the wall. They both tumbled to the floor in a heap, bloody and exhausted. The only remaining sounds were Jaskier’s quiet whimpers as he pressed his face into Geralt’s chest, his cock still hard and leaking, and yet still feeling strangely at peace in his husband’s arms.

[yamayuandadu]

The Two (or more) Ishtars or A Certain Scandalous Easter Claim Proved to be The Worship of Reverend Alexander Hislop

Once upon a time the official facebook page of Richard Dawkins' foundation posted a graphic according to which the holiday of Easter is just a rebranded celebration of the Mesopotamian mythology superstar Ishtar, arguing that the evidence is contained in its very name. As everyone knows, Dawkins is an online talking head notable for discussing his non-belief in such an euphoric way that it might turn off even the most staunch secularists and for appearing in some reasonably funny memes about half a decade ago. Bizarrely enough, however, the same claim can be often found among the crowds dedicated to crystal healing, Robert Graves' mythology fanfiction, indigo children and similar dubiously esoteric content. What's yet more surprising is that once in a while it shows up among a certain subset of fundamentalist Christians, chiefly the types who believe giants are real (and, of course, satanic), the world  is ruled by a secret group of Moloch worshipers and fossils were planted by the devil to led the sheeple astray from the truth about earth being 6000 years old, tops. Of course, to anyone even just vaguely familiar with Christianity whose primary language isn't English this claim rightfully seems completely baffling – after all it's evident in most languages that the name of the holiday celebrating Jesus' resurrection, and many associated customs, are derived from the earlier Jewish Pascha (Passover) which has nothing to do with Ishtar other than having its origin in the Middle East. Why would the purported association only be evident  in English and not in Aramaic, Greek, Latin, Spanish, virtually any language other than English and its close relatives – languages which generally didn't have anything to do with Mesopotamia or early christianity? Read on to find out what sort of sources let this eclectic selection of characters arrive to the same baffling conclusion, why are they hilariously wrong, and – most importantly – where you can actually find a variety of Ishtars (or at least reasonably Ishtar-like figures) under different names instead.

The story of baffling Easter claims begins in Scotland in the 19th century. A core activity of theologians in many faiths through history was (and sometimes still is) finding alleged proof of purported “idolatry” or other “impure” practices among ideological opponents, even these from within the same religion – and a certain Presbyterian minister, Alexander Hislop, was no stranger to this traditional pastime. Like many Protestants in this period, he had an axe to grind with the catholic church  - though not for the reasons many people are not particularly fond of this institution nowadays. What Hislop wanted to prove was much more esoteric – he believed that it's the Babylon known from the Book of Revelations. Complete with the beast with seven heads, blasphemous names and other such paraphernalia, of course. This wasn't a new claim – catholicism was equated with the New Testament Babylon for as long as Protestantism was a thing (and earlier catholicism itself regarded other religions as representing it). What set Hislop apart from dozens of other similar attempts like that was that he fancied himself a scholar of history and relied on the brand new accounts of excavations in what was once the core sphere of influence of the Assyrian empire (present day Iraq and Syria), supplemented by various Greek and Roman classics – though also by his own ideas, generally varying from baseless to completely unhinged. Hislop compiled his claims in the book The Two Babylons or The Papal Worship Proved to be the Worship of Nimrod and His Wife. You can find it on archive.org if you want to torment yourself and read the entire thing – please do not give clicks directly to any fundie sites hosting it though. How does the history of Easter and Ishtar look like according to Hislop? Everything started with Semiramis, who according to his vision was a historical figure and a contemporary of Noah's sons, here also entirely historical. Semiramis is either entirely fictional or a distorted Greek and Roman account of the 9th century BC Assyrian queen Shammuramat, who ruled as a regent for a few years after the death of her husband Shamshi Adad V – an interesting piece of historical trivia, but arguably not really a historical milestone, and by the standards of Mesopotamian history she's hardly a truly ancient figure. Hislop didn't even rely on the primary sources dealing with the legend of Semiramis though, but with their medieval christian interpretations, which cast her in the role of an adulterer first and foremost due to association of ancient Mesopotamia with any and all vices.

Hislop claims that Semiramis was both the Whore of Babylon from the Book of Revelations and the first idolater, instituting worship of herself as a goddess. This goddess, he argues, was Astarte (a combination of two flimsy claims – Roman claim that Semiramis' name means “dove” and now generally distrusted assumption that Phoenician Astarte had the same symbols as Greek Aphrodite) and thus Ishtar, but he also denotes her as a mother goddess – which goes against everything modern research has to say about Ishtar, of course. However, shoddy scholarship relying on few sources was the norm at the time, and Hislop on top of that was driven by religious zeal. In further passages, he identified this “universal mother” with Phrygian Cybele, Greek Rhea and Athena, Egyptian Isis, Taoist Xi Wangmu (sic) and many more, pretty much at random, arguing all of them were aspects of nefarious Semiramis cult which infected all corners of the globe. He believed that she was venerated alongside a son-consort, derived from Semiramis' even more fictional husband Ninus (a mythical founder of Assyria according to Greek authors, absent from any Mesopotamian sources; his name was derived from Nineveh, not from any word for son like Hislop claims), who he identifies with biblical Nimrod (likewise not a historical figure, probably a distorted reflection of the god Ninurta). Note the similarity with certain ideas perpetrated by Frazer's Golden Bough and his later fans like Jung, Graves and many neopagan authors – pseudohistory, regardless of ideological background, has a very small canon of genuinely original claims. Ishtar was finally introduced to Britain by “druids” (note once again the similarity to the baffling integration of random Greek, Egyptian or Mesopotamian deities into Graves-derived systems of fraudulent trivia about “universal mother goddesses” often using an inaccurate version of Celtic myths as framework). This eventually lead to the creation of the holiday of Easter. Pascha doesn't come up in the book at all, as far as I can tell. All of this is basically just buildup for the book's core shocking reveal: catholic veneration of Mary and depictions of Mary with infant Jesus in particular are actually the worship of Semiramis and her son-consort Ninus, and only the truly faithful can reveal this evil purpose of religious art. At least so claims Hislop. This bizarre idea is laughable, but it remains disturbingly persistent – do you remember the Chick Tracts memes from a few years ago, for example? These comics were in part inspired by Hislop's work. Many fundamentalist christian communities appear to hold his confabulations in high esteem up to this day – and many people who by design see themselves as a countercultural opposition to christianity independently gleefully embrace them, seemingly ignorant of their origin. While there are many articles debunking Hislop's claim about Easter, few of them try to show how truly incomprehensibly bad his book is as a whole – hopefully the following examples will be sufficient to illustrate this point: -Zoroaster is connected to Moloch because of the Zoroastrian holy fire - and Moloch is, of course Ninus. Note that while a few Greek authors believed Zoroaster to be the “king of Bactria” mythical accounts presented as a contemporary of Ninus, the two were regarded as enemies – Hislop doesn't even follow the pseudohistory he uses as proof! -Zoroaster is also Tammuz. Tammuz is, of course, yet another aspect of Ninus. -demonic character is ascribed to relics of the historical Buddha; also he's Osiris. And Ninus. -an incredibly racist passage explains why the biblical Nimrod (identified with – you guessed it - Ninus) might be regarded as “ugly and deformed” like Haephestus and thus identical to him (no, it makes no sense in context either) - Hislop thinks he was black (that's not the word he uses, naturally) which to him is the same thing. -Attis is a deification of sin itself -the pope represents Dagon (incorrectly interpreted as a fish god in the 19th century) -Baal and Bel are two unrelated words – this is meant to justify the historicity of the Tower of Babel by asserting it was built by Ninus, who was identical to Bel (in reality a title of Marduk); Bel, according to Hislop, means “the confounder (of languages)” rather than “lord” -the term “cannibal” comes from a made up term for priests of Baal (Ninus) who according to Hislop ate children. In reality it's a Spanish corruption of the endonym of one of the first tribes encountered by the Spanish conquerors in America, and was not a word used in antiquity – also, as I discussed in my Baal post, the worship of Baal did not involve cannibalism. This specific claim of Hislop's is popular with the adherents of prophetic doomsday cult slash wannabe terrorist group QAnon today, and shows up on their “redpilling” graphics. -Ninus was also Cronos; Cronos' name therefore meant “horned one” in reference to Mesopotamian bull/horned crown iconography and many superficially similar gods from all over the world were the same as him - note the similarity to Margaret Murray's obsession with her made up idea of worldwide worship of a “horned god” (later incorporated into Wicca). -Phaeton, Orpheus and Aesculapius are the same figure and analogous to Lucifer (and in turn to Ninus) -giants are real and they're satanists (or were, I think Hislop argues they're dead already). They are (were?) also servants of Ninus. -as an all around charming individual Hislop made sure to include a plethora of comments decrying the practices of various groups at random as digressions while presenting his ridiculous theories – so, while learning about the forbidden history of Easter, one can also learn why the author thinks Yezidi are satanists, for example -last but not least, the very sign of the cross is not truly christian but constitutes the worship of Tammuz, aka Ninus (slowly losing track of how many figures were regarded as one and the same as him by Hislop). Based on the summary above it's safe to say that Hislop's claim is incorrect – and, arguably, malevolent (and as such deserves scrutiny, not further possibilities for spreading). However, this doesn't answer the question where does the name of Easter actually come from? As I noted in the beginning, in English (and also German) it's a bit of an oddity – it  actually was derived from a preexisting pagan term, at least if we are to believe the word of the monk Bede, who in the 8th century wrote that the term is a derivative of “Eosturmonath,” eg. “month of Eostre” - according to him a goddess. There are no known inscriptions mentioning such a goddess from the British Isles or beyond, though researchers involved in reconstructing proto-indo-european language assume that “Eostre” would logically be a derivative of the same term as  the name of the Greek Eos and of the vedic Ushas, and the Austriahenae goddesses from Roman inscriptions from present day Germany  – eg.  a word simply referring to dawn, and by extension to a goddess embodying it. This is a sound, well researched theory, so while early medieval chroniclers sometimes cannot be trusted, I see no reason to doubt Bede's account.

While Ushas is a prominent goddess in the Vedas, Eos was rather marginal in Greek religion (see her Theoi entry for details), and it's hard to tell to what degree Bede's Eostre was similar to either of them beyond plausibly being a personification of dawn. Of course, the hypothetical proto-indo-european dawn goddess all of these could be derived from would have next to nothing to do with Ishtar. While the history of the name of Easter (though not the celebration itself) is undeniably interesting, I suppose it lacks the elements which make the fake Ishtar claim a viral hit – the connection is indirect, and an equivalent of the Greek Eos isn't exactly exciting (Eos herself is, let be honest, remembered at best as an obscure part of the Odyssey), while Ishtar is understood by many as “wicked” sex goddess (a simplification, to put it very lightly) which adds a scandalous, sacrilegious dimension to the baffling lie, explaining its appeal to Dawkins' fans, arguably. As demonstrated above, Hislop's theories are false and adapting them for any new context – be it christian, atheist or neopagan – won't change that, but are there any genuine examples of, well, “hidden Ishtars”? If that's the part of the summary which caught your attention, rejoice – there is a plenty of these to be found in Bronze Age texts. I'd go as far as saying that most of ancient middle eastern cultures from that era felt compelled to include an Ishtar ersatz in their pantheons. Due to the popularity of the original Ishtar, she was almost a class of figures rather than a single figure – a situation almost comparable to modern franchising, when you think about it. The following figures can be undeniably regarded as “Ishtar-like” in some capacity or even as outright analogs:

Astarte (or Ashtart, to go with a more accurate transcription of the oldest recorded version of the name) – the most direct counterpart of Ishtar there is: a cognate of her own name. Simply, put Astarte is the “Levantine”equivalent of the “Mesopotamian” Ishtar. In the city of Mari, the names were pretty much used interchangeably, and some god lists equate them, though Astarte had a fair share of distinct traits. In Ugaritic mythology, which forms the core of our understanding of the western Semitic deities, she was a warrior and hunter (though it's possible that in addition to conventional weapons she was also skilled at wielding curses), and was usually grouped with Anat. Both of them were regarded as the allies of Baal, and assist him against his enemies in various myth. They also were envisioned to spend a lot of time together – one ritual calls them upon as a pair from distant lands where they're hunting together, while a fragmentary myth depicts both of them arriving in the household of the head god El and taking pity on Yarikh, the moon god, seemingly treated as a pariah. Astarte's close relation to Baal is illustrated by her epithet, “face of Baal” or “of the name of Baal.” They were often regarde as a couple and even late, Hellenic sources preserve a traditional belief that Astarte and “Adados” (Baal) ruled together as a pair. In some documents from Ugarit concerned with what we would call foreign policy today they were invoked together as the most prominent deities. It's therefore possible that she had some role related to human politics. She was regarded as exceptionally beautiful and some texts favorably describe mortal women's appearance by comparing them to Astarte. In later times she was regarded as a goddess of love, but it's unclear if that was a significant aspect of her in the Bronze Age. It's equally unclear if she shared Ishtar's astral character – in Canaan there were seemingly entirely separate dawn and dusk deities. Despite clamis you might see online, Astarte was not the same as the mother goddess Asherah. In the Baal cycle they actually belong to the opposing camps. Additionally, the names are only superficially similar (one starts with an aleph, the other with an ayin) and have different etymology. Also, that famous sculpture of a very blatantly Minoan potnia theron? Ugaritic in origin but not a depiction of either Astarte or Asherah.

The Egyptians, due to extensive contact with Canaan and various Syrian states in the second half of the Bronze Age, adapted Astarte (and by extension Anat) into their own pantheon. Like in Ugarit, her warrior character was emphasized. An Egyptian innovation was depicting her as a cavalry goddess of sorts – associated with mounted combat and chariots. In Egypt, Ptah, the head god of Memphis and divine craftsman, was regarded as her father. In most texts, Astarte is part of Seth's inner circle of associates – however, in this context Seth wasn't the slayer of Osiris, but a heroic storm god similar to Baal. The so-called Astarte papyrus presents an account of a myth eerily similar to the Ugaritic battle between Baal and Yam – starring Seth as the hero, with Astarte in a supporting role resembling that played by Shaushka, another Ishtar analog, in the Hittite song of Hedammu, which will be discussed below.

Shaushka – a Hurrian and Hittite goddess whose name means “the magnificent one” in the Hurrian language. Hurrian was widely spoken in ancient Mesopotamia and Anatolia (and in northernmost parts of the Levant – up to one fifth of personal names from Ugaritic documents were Hurrian iirc), but has no descendants today and its relation to any extant languages is uncertain. In Hittite texts she was often referred to with an “akkadogram” denoting Ishtar's name (or its Sumerian equivalent) instead of a phonetic  spelling of her own (there was an analogous practice regarding the sun gods), while in Egyptian and Syrian texts there are a few references to “Ishtar Hurri” - “Ishtar of the Hurrians” - who is argued by researchers to be one and the same as Shaushka. Despite Shaushka's Hurrian name and her prominence in myths popular both among Hittites and Hurrians, her main cult center was the Assyrian city of Nineveh, associated with Ishtar herself as well, and there were relatively few temples dedicated to her in the core Hittite sphere of influence in Anatolia. Curiously, both the oldest reference to Shaushka and to the city of Nineveh come from the same text, stating that a sheep was sacrificed to her there. While most of her roles overlap with Ishtar's (she too was associated with sex, warfare and fertility), here are two distinct features of Shaushka that set her apart as unique: one is the fact she was perceived in part as a masculine deity, despite being consistently described as a woman – in the famous Yazılıkaya reliefs she appears twice, both among gods and goddesses. In Alalakh she was depicted in outfits combining elements of male and female clothing. Similar fashion preferences were at times attributed to Ninshubur, the attendant of Ishtar's Sumerian forerunner Inanna – though in that case they were likely the result of conflation of Ninshubur with the male messenger deity Papsukkal, while in the case of Shaushka the dual nature seems to be inherent to her (I haven't seen any in depth study of this matter yet, sadly, so I can't really tell confidently which modern term in my opinion describes Shaushka's character the best). Her two attendants, musician goddesses Ninatta and Kulitta, do not share it. Shaushka's other unique niche is her role in exorcisms and incantations, and by extension with curing various diseases – this role outlived her cult itself, as late Assyrian inscriptions still associated the “Ishtar of Nineveh” (at times viewed as separate from the regular Ishtar) with healing. It can be argued that even her sexual aspect was connected to healing, as she was invoked to cure impotence. The most significant myth in which she appears is the cycle dedicated to documenting the storm god's (Teshub for the Hurrians, Tarhunna for the Hittites) rise to power. Shaushka is depicted as his sister and arguably most reliable ally, and plays a prominent role in two sections in particular – the Song of Hedammu and the Song of Ullikummi. In the former, she seemingly comes up with an elaborate plan to defeat a new enemy of her brother - the sea monster Hedammu - by performing a seductive dance and song montage (with her attendants as a support act) and offering an elixir to him. The exact result is uncertain, but Hedammu evidently ends up vanquished. In the latter, she attempts to use the same gambit against yet another new foe, the “diorite man” Ullikummi – however, since he is unfeeling like a rock, she fails; some translators see this passage as comedic. However, elsewhere in the Song, the storm god's main enemy Kumarbi and his minions view Shaushka as a formidable warrior, and in the early installment of the cycle, Song of LAMMA, she seemingly partakes in a fight. In another myth, known only from a few fragments and compared to the Sumerian text “Inanna and the huluppu tree,” Shaushka takes care of “Ḫašarri” -  a personification of olive oil, or a sentient olive tree. It seems that she has to protect this bizarre entity from various threats. While Shaushka lived on in Mesopotamia as “Ishtar of Nineveh,” this was far from the only “variant”of Ishtar in her homeland.

Nanaya was another such goddess. A few Sumerian hymns mention her alongside Inanna, the Sumerian equivalent of Ishtar, by the time of Sargon of Akkad virtually impossible to separate from her. As one composition puts it, Nanaya was “properly educated by holy Inana” and “counselled by holy Inana.” Initially she was most likely a part of Inanna's circle of deities in her cult center, Uruk, though due to shared character they eventually blurred together to a large degree. Just like Inanna/Ishtar, Nanaya was a goddess of love, described as beautiful and romantically and sexually active, and she too had an astral character. She was even celebrated during the same holidays as Inanna. Some researchers go as far as suggest Nanaya was only ever Inanna/Ishtar in her astral aspect alone and not a separate goddess. However, there is also evidence of her, Inanna and the sky god An being regarded as a trinity of distinct tutelary deities in Uruk. Additionally, king Melishipak's kudurru shown above shows both Nanaya (seated) and Ishtar/Inanna (as a star). Something peculiar to Nanaya was her later association with the scribe god Nabu. Sometimes Nabu's consort was the the goddess Tashmetu instead, but I can't find any summary explaining potential differences between them – it seems just like Nanaya, she was a goddess of love, including its physical aspects. Regardless of the name used to describe Nabu's wife, she was regarded as a sage and scribe like him – this arguably gives her a distinct identity she lacked in her early role as part of Inanna's circle. As the above examples demonstrate, the popularity of the “Ishtar type” was exceptional in the Bronze Age – but is it odd from a modern perspective? The myths dedicated to her are still quite fun to read today – much like any hero of ancient imagination she has a plethora of adversaries, a complex love life (not to mention many figures not intended to be read as her lovers originally but described in such terms that it's easy to see them this way today – including other women), a penchant for reckless behavior – and most importantly a consistent, easy to summarize character. She shouldn't be a part of modern mass consciousness only because of false 19th century claims detached from her actual character (both these from Hislop's works and “secular”claims about her purported “real”character based on flimsy reasoning and shoddy sources) – isn't a female character who is allowed to act about the same way as male mythical figures do without being condemned for it pretty much what many modern mythology retellings try to create? Further reading: On Astarte: -entry in the Iconography of Deities and Demons in Ancient Near East database by Izak Cornelius -‛Athtart in Late Bronze Age Syrian Texts by Mark S. Smith -ʿAthtartu’s Incantations and the Use of Divine Names as Weapons by Theodore J. Lewis -The Other Version of the Story of the Storm-god’s Combat with the Sea in the Light of Egyptian, Ugaritic, and Hurro-Hittite Texts by Noga Ayali-Darshan -for a summary of evidence that Astarte has nothing to do with Asherah see A Reassessment of Asherah With Further Considerations of the Goddess by Steve A. Wiggins On Shaushka: -Adapting Mesopotamian Myth in Hurro-Hittite Rituals at Hattuša: IŠTAR, the Underworld, and the Legendary Kings by Mary R. Bacharova -Ishtar seduces the Sea-serpent. A new join in the epic of Ḫedammu (KUB 36, 56 + 95) and its meaning for the battle between Baal and Yam in Ugaritic tradition by Meindert Dijkstra -Ištar of Nineveh Reconsidered by Gary Beckman -Shaushka, the Traveling Goddess by Graciela Gestoso Singer -Hittite Myths by Harry A. Hoffner jr. -The Hurritic Myth about Šaušga of Nineveh and Ḫašarri (CTH 776.2) by Meindert Dijkstra -The West Hurian Pantheon and its Background by Alfonso Archi On Nanaya: -entry in Brill’s New Pauly by Thomas Richter -entry from the Ancient Mesopotamian Gods and Goddesses project by Ruth Horry -A tigi to Nanaya for Ishbi-Erra from The Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature -A balbale to Inana as Nanaya from The Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature -More Light on Nanaya by Michael P. Streck and Nathan Wasserman -More on the Nature and History of the Goddess Nanaya by Piotr Steinkeller A few introductory Ishtar/Inanna myths: -Inanna's descent to the netherworld -Inanna and the huluppu tree -Inanna and Enki -Enki and the world order -Inanna and Ebih -Dumuzid and Enkimdu

[morifinwes]

Lauraa I finished all the fics, apart from decay (currently reading that now) and I love it sm! Especially the lip gloss one lmao the whole thing was so hilarious to me XD but also like the concept of lwj wearing lipgloss is >>> -yibobibo

@yibobibo then i'm going to rec you some more!! the lip gloss one was !!!!! ajsksks yes!! lwj wearing lipgloss is just so!! good!!

modern

this one is the painful one i talked about:

visitations by var_abelasan (12K, wip, divorced wangxian, post divorce, most of this is angst, uhm lowkey don't but also do want wangxian to end up together, it's messy, the jiangs & lans are shitty, wwx was in prison (brief mentions of that but it's kind of a major plot point), mxy & xy are the little brothers he never wanted but wwx picked them up anyways)

"Wei Ying-" Lan Zhan says, stutters, "I'm sorry." 

And now Wei Wuxian sees it, the red rimming Lan Zhan's eyes, the rumpled edges of his blazer. There is an old, familiar urge for him to reach over, to hold Lan Zhan's hand and smooth his hair, to tell him that everything will be fine. 

"We're all a bit sorry about this, I think," he says instead, and finds that he means it. For Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji and everyone else in that Guanyin temple, the pain must be unbearably fresh, like skin just flayed open. But Wei Wuxian's chest had been cracked open a long time ago, his wounds licked and cauterized and sewn shut over five long years - Ever hurting, but a dull, constant ache, "It's really alright, Lan Zhan."

 

Five years after being accused of corporate espionage and losing everything, the Guanyin Scandal breaks open and Wei Wuxian finds a familiar face at his door.

please don't let me be misunderstood by sysrae (3K, partly deaf!wwx, lwj notices, nobody else does though, idk wwx is like made out of fucking steel or some shit)

Lan Wangji has known Wei Ying for a fortnight, the first time he sees him get hit by a car.

light by redkosmos (10K, blind!lwj, which causes angst, but they manage it, best friends to lovers, fluff, lwj being insecure and feeling like a burden, college au kind of? but it doesn't matter too much)

The realization slowly dawns on him.

He can never again see the brightness of Wei Ying's eyes, the way they crescent when he smiles, never again see the rich black of his hair, the mess of it in the early mornings, never again see the beautiful tan of his skin, the beauty of the scars and marks adorned on it, how he wears his clothes, how it hugs his frame beautifully, how he looks like he's adorably swimming in cloth when he wears Lan Zhan's, and-

(Lan Zhan loses his vision in a car accident and learns to cope with it.)

don't leave me by trippinonskies (19K, brief very brief mention of lwj cheating, he doesn't but wwx is afraid lwj is cheating on him or just wants to break up with him, (he doesn't), marriage proposal, lwj acting distant = wwx's insecurities show up, fluff, angst and comfort)

Lan Zhan! Where are you lost today?” Wei Wuxian finally asks, at the end of his patience.

Lan Zhan looks a little guilty as he looks at Wei Wuxian, “Sorry, just a lot of work to deal with.”

Lie.

If there is one thing Lan Zhan can’t do, it’s lying. Especially to Wei Wuxian. But he doesn’t question Lan Zhan. He just accepts the reply, too scared to know that he is right. Too scared to know the truth.

// or where Lan Zhan is too hung up in planning the perfect proposal and ends up accidently ignoring Wei Wuxian making the other think that he wants to break up //

want you closer by xiaobucephalus ((3K, HORSES, only in the background tho, but wwx is an equestrian vet, which is so fucking valid bro, the lans own horses, a sick bunny, lwj the bunny parent!, super cute, dark bay throughoutbred chenqing is honestly so valid)

“Thank you,” Lan Zhan said, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Don’t thank me, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying laughed again, his voice warming the chill of fear that had settled in his chest. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to get into your hutch for a while anyway.”

safe in your thoughts by anonymous (20K, it's a cherry magic au???? (i haven't watched it, but you have i think?), horny lwj but only for wwx (always for wwx))

Wei Wuxian learns three very important things on the night of his twenty-seventh birthday.

One, that Lan Wangji is ridiculously funny, which Wei Wuxian had known before but what Wei Wuxain hadn’t expected was Lan Wangji to be funny at his brother’s expense.

Two, that Wei Wuxian had finally gone mad, absolutely mental at the ripe age of twenty seven because nothing else would explain the third thing he had learnt.

Third, and the most unbelievable of the lot, that Lan Wangji wants to fuck him.

iura by yoo_im_finally_writing (1K, only added bcs op is right and wwx would've the cutest german accent, it's more fun if you understand german so hit me up if you want translations for the german sentences)

Wei Ying calls in the middle of the night to talk about German law, and Lan Zhan tries very hard not to fall asleep. Or at least, not to let Wei Ying notice he's falling asleep. (As best friends do.)

breathe in the air, the last of its kind by wereworm / @neverdoingmuch (27K, getting together, jealous!lwj, but also kind of supportive, brief mention of cheating bcs of miscommunication, no actual cheating tho, college au, lwj pov)

Following Wei Ying’s line of sight, Lan Wangji can barely prevent a smile from crossing his lips when he sees the short row of rabbit statuettes placed at the front of the display. Silver, with bright gems for eyes, they look elegant yet lively and animated.

“A-Yuan would love one of those,” Wei Ying murmurs, almost as if to himself.

Lan Wangji frowns; the rabbits, while cute, don’t seem like a suitable gift for Wei Ying’s A-Yuan.

...

It’s only when he glances back at the rabbits and notices what has been placed on display behind them, that the pieces fall into place. They’re engagement rings, there’s no doubt about it. Lan Wangji feels his heart sink – Wei Ying isn’t just dating A-Yuan, he wants to propose to him.

Or: the five times Lan Wangji thinks that A-Yuan is Wei Ying’s boyfriend and the one time he learns the truth.

paint smears on sunny days by snowshadowao3 / @angstsexual (53K, getting together, art teacher!wwx, single parent!lwj, they're rich if i remember right, wwx & lwj are both good with kids!!!, this is so good actually, fluff)

To say that he runs to his car would be incorrect, as he is a Lan, and running is both undignified and unnecessary unless in immediate danger. Nor does he slam his key into the ignition, or aggressively swerve around the cars on the freeway, or have a mild panic attack at the fact he is picking A-Yuan up late from school for the first time ever.

He comes close, though.

By the time he arrives, it’s 4:35PM, and he has imagined about fifty different worse-case scenarios. The door is partly open when he gets to it, a messy label of 104B—Art Room scrawled with chalk on a placard next to the faded wood. As he opens it fully, he expects to see a wailing, terrified child, or perhaps a scene of utter misery and betrayal.

What he finds is his son, hands covered in paint, being sung to by a beautiful, dark-haired stranger.

“Ducks live in the pond, yellow ducks, happy ducks!”

Lan Wangji stops in his tracks.

(Or: Falling in love with your son’s art teacher, in five parts)

no bunny compares by gusucloudbunny (4K, god this is cute, fluff)

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian cornered his friend one week before his birthday. “If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?”

Lan Wangji furrowed his brow at Wei Wuxian, not exactly sure how to answer that question in a truthful manner that didn’t involve confessing his undying love for his best friend.

Wei Wuxian is on a mission to get Lan Wangji the perfect gift for his birthday. What Wei Wuxian doesn't know is that the only thing Lan Wangji truly wants is him.

wei wuxian's week of realizing things by photojenny (12K, i have read this multiple times, i always forget what happens, idk why but my notes say it's good, the tags say drunkji makes an appearance and i'm always up for that)

"Lan Zhan, do you like Mianmian?" asked Wei Wuxian.

Lan Wangji blinked, and stared. It was not the first time Lan Wangji had questioned the perceptiveness of the boy he had a crush on. Wei Wuxian had been smart in the class they had taken together. Yet time and time again, Wei Wuxian had tested the old wisdom that there are no stupid questions.

---

Lan Wangji must figure out how to confess when Wei Wuxian is the most oblivious person he's ever met.

are you my wisdom tooth? because i'd like to take you out by yellowcarnations (1K, crack, fluff, lwj stop flirting with a stranger, even if he is your husband, drunkji but make it to max level)

Lan Zhan wakes up and he has no idea where he is.

There are bright lights and his jaw hurts, he doesn't who this man next to his bed is but oh he might be in love, maybe, probably, definitely.

–

based off that guy-forgets-who-his-wife-is-and-hits-on-her vid but its wangxian.

beep! goes his heart by wearing_tearing (3K, fluff, lwj is like "he, he likes me right? he likes me" and everyone is like "yes, yes he does")

“Wei Ying’s heart monitor,” Lan Wangji starts.

Wen Qing blinks at him. “Yes?”

“It beeps.”

“That’s… what they generally do, yes.”

“The beeps change,” Lan Wangji continues, “when others are around.”

*

Wei Ying’s heart only sings for Lan Wangji.

canon

obedient and bellicose by thunderwear (19K, lwj is cursed by the lan elders, they notice too late, fix-it fic kind of?, lqr being a good uncle and lxc is a good brother, wwx accidentally uses the curse but he doesn't know about it)

It took Lan Wangji a long time to realize he was cursed. Too long really, anyone else would have noticed so much sooner. The problem was, he liked following the rules.

Ella Enchanted AU that no one needed but I wanted.

hello my old heart, how have you been? by ravenditefairylights (10K, amnesia, fluff, wwx taking care of lwj, so much fluff and softness, angst too but not that much)

The issue is, Lan Wangji brings his thoughts back before they stray too far, that it is impossible for someone to be in his bed, unless Lan Wangji himself invited them. He has not. He would remember doing so, and besides, all his night clothes are still on and there is no headache to imply that he was inebriated last night. No, the situation is simple.

There is someone in Lan Wangji’s bed. It is impossible for anyone to be in Lan Wangji’s bed, and yet that doesn’t seem to have stopped the stranger.

or lan wangji wakes up, and wei ying is there. he doesn't understand how or why, and he can understand even less why his hallucination of wei ying is so insistent on bathing him, and braiding his hair, on holding him and fixing his clothes. why the hallucination of wei ying seems so happy to see him.

teach me the way by likeafox (58K, rogue cultivator!wwx, horny wangxian, lwj wants wwx to teach him how to be a good lover, ....wwx is a virgin, the porn is the plot, but there's less of it than i thought)

"I do not wish to leave my future spouse… dissatisfied with my intimate knowledge,” Lan Zhan says, very seriously. “I am hoping to find an instructor, to better prepare myself for such matters."

Wei Ying feels his mouth drop open. He's pretty sure the Second Jade of Lan just told him he's a virgin who wants to learn how to do sex good.

Rogue Cultivator Wei Wuxian is the stuff of local legends. Some of those legends are even true! The ones about his tremendous experience in bed, on the other hand, are not so true. Which becomes a problem when Lan Wangji, on the verge of an arranged marriage and worried he won’t know how to please his future spouse, enlists Wei Ying's help to teach him the art of love-making. Wei Ying's great at improvisation, though, and is pretty sure he's got this sex mentor thing under control. What could possibly go wrong

other aus

of god: my love unholy by tunnelodfawn (3K, tw blood / war, dark!lwj, god!wwx, kind of poetry)

Lan Zhan takes everything as a sign from his god. The blood staining his fingertips—a holy anointment. He sanctifies himself through blood. The strings of his guqin gleam red in the sun—a divine blessing. This is an instrument of destruction. A single note—a cry of power—and in this note the voice of his god unravels the earthly threads tethering man to earth.

The Yiling Patriarch blesses Lan Zhan with war. Wei Wuxian blesses Lan Zhan with agility. Wei Ying blesses Lan Zhan with love.

The base of the Yiling Patriarch’s shrine is the home of Lan Zhan’s knees. He worships. There is something of the blasphemous and the unholy in his prayers. He prays not for victory but for the sight of Wei Ying. Bless me with your presence, he begs.

Or, wherein, Lan Zhan bridges the gap between the mortal and the divine—the worshipper and the god—with blood.

the river and the sea by sasamelons / @sasamelons (7K, soulmate au, arranged marriage (wangxian with each other), they're both kind of dumb but i love it)

Lan Wangji gritted his teeth, wishing to just be left alone. "I am looking for my soulmate," he ground out.

"Oh."

It took Lan Wangji a few moments to realize that Wei Wuxian had stopped following him. When he looked back, the other boy seemed to be frozen to the spot, eyes wide and lips still parted. He quickly looked away when he saw Lan Wangji looking back. "I see. Well, have a good trip!"

--

At six years old, Lan Zhan met his soulmate on the streets of Yiling and promptly lost him again.

At sixteen years old, Lan Wangji met his betrothed and was determined not to like him.

[stormyoceansmain]

this is a different anon but buddie as a concept has been making me feel Insane since i started watching the show and i would like to let you know that 1. buck was super enthusiastic to learn that eddie had a son (in literally like... eddie's second appearance on the show) and has been ride or die for that kid since the beginning. his relationship with eddie's son is at least as/even more important than his own relationship with eddie tbh and the three of them as a unit are So good. the found family vibes... immaculate.

and 2. eddie doesn't have a girlfriend when he makes the decision to put buck in his will as legal guardian but he Does have one when he tells him about it. he also has other family members he could have chosen and while he is close with his aunt and grandmother, his relationship with his parents is a little complicated. there are some sisters, too, but we... don't know much about them. he has all of these options but he knows that buck will fight harder for christopher than anyone else and he knows how much they all really need each other. the show constantly frames the three of them as a family and parallels buddie with the other canon romances. even when buck and eddie have other romantic interests, so many of their interactions with them mirror/callback to/remind us of buddie it's insane. they always choose each other. wild

also the wife thing. she did have reasons and it's not okay that she didn't come back but it's another really complicated situation and she really was trying in the end so it's just... really messed up that they killed her imo

i s2g the more i learn about these two dudes the more im like

like i barely know anything about this show so i don't wanna put a foot in my mouth but you are telling me the writers CHOSE to make buck (guess we're at first name basis now god help me) important for both eddie AND christopher, and their relationship is SO MEANINGFUL that eddie signs him down as his kid's legal guardian over anyone else in his life and.. what? im supposed to sit here and think eddie is not at least a little bit in love with him??????? PLEASE. and honestly the 'they are just bros' doesn't cut it anymore at this point like HE. MADE. HIM. HIS. SON'S. LEGAL. GUARDIAN. (no im not getting over it any time soon)

about the wife, yeah i don't wanna condemn her or pass judgement when i don't even know her story, if there's something im getting about this show is that everyone has some issues and things are complicated, and im sure the writers could have handled her better than just kill her off :/

[kenobiapologist]

Star Wars Novel Rankings

In celebration of the end of this year, I made a tier list of all of the Star Wars novels I’ve read since I joined this fandom in 2017 (which you can use to rank these books too). And I named all the tiers in a dorky but appropriate fashion. I would love to hear your thoughts on my rankings, as well as how you’d rank the books yourself! I’ve had a blast reading Star Wars novels from both Disney’s canon and the Legends extended universe over these past 3 years. Here’s to many more years of reading stories from the galaxy far far away! 

I put longer (but not more coherent) thoughts below the cut.

The Chosen One: Bringing Balance to the Force and My Depressed Soul

1. The first spot of top tier had to go to Matthew Stover’s Revenge of the Sith novelization for obvious reasons. You simply cannot beat it. It’s a masterpiece. I literally had to put the book down to scream when I read the prose associated with the opening battle over Coruscant. It gave a whole new meaning to the triumphant music and the synchronous twirling of Obi-Wan and Anakin’s starfighters as they weave through blaster-fire in the battle over Coruscant. The rest of the book is the same way. You can’t put it down. I have wAyyYyYy too many feelings about this book oh my god.

2. Thrawn was a surprising book for me. For being centered on an admiral of the Empire’s navy, it had so much heart in it! I loved reading from Eli Vanto’s perspective too. god dammit I love that freaking Wild Space hillbilly dweeb with all my heart. I think his experiences getting to know Thrawn and learning from him guides the reader to feel much the same way as Eli by the end. Thrawn is a trusted friend, not the enemy you expect him to be. I could have done without Arihnda Pryce but she’s supposed to be unlikeable so I won’t blame Timothy Zahn this time.

3. The Clone Wars Gambit duology is basically Karen Miller writing fanfic and I’m HERE FOR IT. As is tradition with Karen Miller’s Star Wars novels, the emotions are dialed up the eleven. Our favorite dumbass Jedi team is back at it again with a mission to save the galaxy and this time they end up going undercover as two lumberjacks from the boonies. Anakin holds an energy shield back from collapsing with his bare hands like a total badass. Obi-Wan is in love with another woman despite it always ending in tragedy, while also bickering like a married couple with Anakin every ten seconds. get a fucking room, you two. These two books inspired one of my fics so they’re near and dear to my heart.

Jedi Master: These Books Have A Seat On The Council Too

4. Wild Space was appropriately named, I’ll tell you that. It’s a wild ride from start to finish. *slaps the front cover* this book can fit so much of Obi-Wan’s suffering in it! @forcearama has elaborated on the many reasons why this book is a gem in Snark Wars blog posts (linked here). It’s also the beginning of the best team-up since Anakin and Obi-Wan...Bail and Obi-Wan! These two bastards get under each other’s skin but it makes for the perfect character development. This book is the reason I screech with delight whenever Bail Organa appears on screen, or is mentioned in conversation. Bail gets a mysterious tip about trouble on a planet, and Obi-Wan decides to go with him to investigate. Cue Sith-induced suffering. It’s cool to see a normal person experiencing the weirdness of Force sensitives and how the world has this extra level of sensory information in it. Plotwise this one isn’t the best, but I think the interactions between characters really shine in this novel. Karen Miller’s writing is like a cup of hot chocolate to me. Indulgent character insight, full of sweet moments, has a bunch of extra marshmallowy dialogue, you’re reading it to have a good time but not to be satisfied with plot. You get me?

5. Do I even have to explain myself here? Kenobi by John Jackson Miller is both an interesting western-style tale set on Tatooine, and a beautiful character study of a man stricken with grief he keeps suppressed. How does one continue on when their whole family was murdered and their whole culture burnt to ash? I wanted to give Obi-Wan a hug the entire time I read this. The characterization was spot-on, from the way he wrangled animals to the way he severed a man’s arm off in a bar with his lightsaber. And when he meets a woman named Annileen Calwell, or Annie for short, Obi-Wan can’t bring himself to call her by her nickname ever and if that doesn’t just break your damn heart fucking fuck.

6. Ahsoka was the first Disney canon book I ever read and it kickstarted my love for E.K. Johnston. The writing is simplistic, but that makes it easy to jump into. Overall, it’s a quick and enjoyable read. By far the best parts are the flashbacks that mull over memories Ahsoka has of the time before Order 66. That shit hits you right in the heart, man. And the part where Ahsoka equates Obi-Wan and Anakin to her adoptive family ohhhhhhh god the tears they flow like a river. There are scenes that allude to Ahsoka becoming the vital part of the Rebellion we know her to be from Rebels, balanced with her current struggles to survive and find herself. Despite having cast away her identity as a Jedi and having any remaining bits of her culture destroyed by Palpatine, Ahsoka shows us all how bright a hero can shine in the darkest of times. AND SHE WAS WRITTEN AS QUEER! finally some good fucking food.

7. Oh shit, another E.K. Johnston book? Don’t be surprised. She’s a prequel fan and so am I, hence why Queen’s Shadow is so high on the list. E.K. Johnston pays homage to our favorite queen and badass senator Padme Amidala. There’s politics, there’s solidarity between female characters, and Bail Organa is in it so you KNOW I simply must give it a high rating. All jokes aside, I thought the story added lots of little details to the world of Star Wars without it being all stereotypical sci-fi nerdy language. You know how people want to describe something beyond our technological capabilities so they throw a bunch of nonsense together like “pre-praxis crystal bio-anode circuitry”? I’m looking at you, Karen Miller, I love you but please. There is none of that in this book. It makes sense, it adds color and culture and life to the worlds of Star Wars. Most of all, it devotes time and love to developing Padme outside of her place in canon as Anakin’s wife, Queen of Naboo, and Senator. She is all of these things, but she’s human too. I do agree that the pacing is slow, but it’s something meant to be savored, I think. E.K. Johnston really shines when she’s writing dialogue because she gets these characters. That’s something to appreciate, because not all canon books agree with the way we’ve perceived the characters as an audience.

8. Rogue Planet chewed me up, spit me out, and declared me an even bigger stan for The Team. People who say Qui-Gon would have been a better master for Anakin can ~get out~ because I could read about these two hooligans getting neck deep in space shenanigans all damn day. Anakin is like twelve, which is a time in his training that we don’t get a lot of in canon. Personally, I think it was equal parts heartwarming and funny to read about their adventures. There is some angst sprinkled in there because hey, we’re reading about Anakin here, let’s not forget the emotional trainwreck that is Anakin Skywalker. The duo is sent to a planet that makes super fast ships that are ?sentient? or at least biologically active. They bond with the pilot, which makes Anakin perfect for this mission. There’s a scene where these little floof things attach all over tiny Anakin because he’s so strong in the Force and it’s god damn adorable how dare he?? I’d probably rate this one even higher if I read it again, but it’s been awhile. Characterization is spot on and reminiscent of Matthew Stover’s writing in how it highlights the strong bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin, how they’re fated to know each other. I’m a sucker for soulmates, what can I say? 

9. Lost Stars reads like a movie. Not a script, but just the perfect amount of detail that you can imagine the scenes but the pacing is still quick, the dialogue smooth and natural. I couldn’t help wishing this was a film because the story was so all-encompassing. The highs and lows of the emotions of both protagonists, their relationship developing, the differences in culture. Folks, this book has it all! It’s a totally different perspective on the events of the original trilogy, seen from the side of Imperial cadets training to become pilots. Eventually, one splits off and joins the Rebellion while the other perseveres in the Empire. It’s like star-crossed lovers, but covers so much more ground than that. And the characters are fully developed. These original characters knocked my socks off, and that’s hard to do since I’m usually an Obi-Wan stan through and through. For anyone uncertain of reading Star Wars novels, this book is a great place to start. Action-packed, emotion-filled, and stands on its own despite weaving perfectly into the established universe. What more could you want?

10. Back at it again with the prequel shit, amiright? Queen’s Peril is E.K. Johnston’s most recent Padme-centric novel and it does not disappoint fans that wanted a taste of the Queen’s side of the story. Set during the events of The Phantom Menace, we get a “behind the curtain” look at how all of the handmaidens came to be more than their title suggests. There’s teenage girls getting stuff done! It makes more sense why Padme was elected ruler of her home-world, and you come to appreciate that a royal leader is not alone; there’s actually a whole team at her side to help her overcome everything from the drudgery of daily governing to Trade Federation blockades that threaten to starve her people. I think if you enjoyed Queen’s Shadow, you’ll enjoy this book a lot. For those that are unfamiliar with Johnston’s work, I wouldn’t recommend this one first because it does cover events you’ve already seen in movies and therefore is a less suspenseful companion to them. On the other hand, because it does tie in with TPM, it doesn’t suffer from the pacing issues of Queen’s Shadow to the same degree. I read this all in one sitting, so it’s definitely fun, but wasn’t compelling enough in its character development to elevate the book past some of the others I’ve listed already.

11. Thrawn: Treason was a refreshing return to the Grand Admiral we all know and love after the second installment in this series slowed things down a bit. Although it wasn’t as character-driven as the first book (which I love with all of my heart), there were still many moments that had me cackling at the disparity between Thrawn’s immense intellect and the other Imperials’ sheer stupidity, and that’s what we’re here for in a book about the Empire, right? There’s a lot of pressure on Thrawn, as his TIE Defender project has been pitted against Director Krennic’s Project Stardust. Who will get the funds? We just don’t know?? Tarkin sits in between the two and as usual, manipulates everything to his advantage. Palpatine questions Thrawn’s allegiance to the Empire after some of the choices he has made, leaving him in even more of a pickle. Thrawn is sent on a wild goose chase task that should definitely end in failure (on purpose because Imperials all want to watch each other burn as much as they want to watch the Rebellion burn), but you know Thrawn will find a way. My main squeeze Eli Vanto makes his return after being absent from book 2. Missed you, my sweet sweet country boy. He doesn’t have a leading role in this novel, but every scene he’s in makes the story better. Thrawn says “perhaps” way too often for my taste, but if you can ignore that, this book is a solid read. Equal parts action and deductive reasoning, as any Thrawn book should be.

12. Most of Dark Disciple had me thinking this was going to be a top tier book, and damn do I wish we could have gotten this animated. We follow Quinlan Vos and Asajj Ventress on a mission to assassinate Count Dooku. Why the Jedi thought this was a good idea, I don’t know. But I’m here for it all the same. 3/4 of the adventure were intriguing, but the ending didn’t do it for me. I won’t spoil things for anyone who hasn’t read this yet, but after all of the character development, to have it squandered so quickly just left me disappointed? I got really attached to everyone in this novel, and I’m sure you will to. I’ve read this and listened to it as an audiobook, and actually I think it’s more memorable as an audiobook. Would recommend, except for Mace Windu’s voice being exceptionally southern for no reason. Weird. I think this novel captures all of the great things about The Clone Wars show; time to really get to know each character and their motivations, action and adventure with the darkness of impending doom tinting everything, and lightsaber fights! Plus, Obi-Wan and Anakin make appearances in this book and it just adds that extra bit of spice. Worth the read, even if you know they aren’t going to get Dooku in the end (which I am still mad about, screw that guy).

Jedi Knight: Passed the Trials but There’s Room for Improvement

13. Few books in the Star Wars universe are centered around characters with no use of the Force, but in Most Wanted, we see a young Han Solo and Qi’ra struggling to survive on Corellia and it provides a humorous but compelling backstory to both characters in the Disney canon. Han is his usual lucky goofball self, and Qi’ra is smart and cunning. You can see how they grew into the versions of themselves in Solo. While the book stays on the lighter side of things (typical of stories written for a younger audience), there are still moments of depth on droid rights, viewing the Force as a religion, and what life is like in a crime syndicate. Addressing these heavier topics without it killing the pace of the story is hard to do, but Rae Carson pulls it off flawlessly. I went into this book with no expectations and was pleasantly surprised by how much fun I had. Han and Qi’ra start off as competitors, but eventually have to learn to work together to survive as more and more people start hunting them down. They’re honestly so cute together, I loved their dynamic. It makes Solo a better movie, and although I liked it on its own, characters like Qi’ra needed a little more time to get to know, which you can get here!

14. Thrawn Alliances was not what I expected at all, and it took me a lot longer to get through. Hell, it has Thrawn, Anakin/Vader, and Padme in it! What’s not to love? Apparently, a lot. The different timepoints and perspectives in this were more jarring than anything else. Although the interactions between Thrawn and Anakin/Vader were enjoyable, it was not enough to elevate this book into the Jedi Master tier. Things felt dry, the characters didn’t grip me like in the first Thrawn, and it all felt like a ploy to introduce Batuu into canon before the launch of Galaxy’s Edge.

15. Leia: Princess of Alderaan was a dive into young Leia’s life before we see her in A New Hope even though this was marketed as a journey to The Last Jedi book, which I disagree with. We really haven’t seen any content about Leia in this time period before, and although I can’t say I was looking for this, I did enjoy it. The book was a little long, but there was adventure and the seeds are planted for Leia to be a bigger part of the Rebellion. The romance wasn’t too memorable, but Holdo wasn’t pointless in this (a stark contrast to her brief appearance in TLJ just to sacrifice herself). There’s a hint about Leia being Force-sensitive but it’s not in-your-face. It’s a typical coming-of-age story but in the gffa. The best part about this is seeing Bail and Breha as parents. I’m forever in pain that we didn’t get to see more of this in movies because it’s so so sweet. Leia must choose what kind of person she is going to be--and what kind of princess she will become. It won’t be for everyone, but I liked it.

16. Master and Apprentice was a typical Star Wars novel, which means it’s full of original characters that are strange and outlandish to serve the plot, a new world full of beautiful landscapes, and Obi-Wan suffering. I want to make it clear that this book is 80% Qui-Gon, 10% Rael Averross, and 10% Obi-Wan. I was expecting it to be 50% Qui-Gon, 50% Obi-Wan, as the cover suggested. Although I was disappointed by that, the story overall was okay. Qui-Gon is kind of an asshole in this? When is he not, though. We really get to sink our teeth into the way he and Obi-Wan fundamentally disagree with each other, so much so that their teacher-student relationship is falling apart. Tragic! They go on one last mission before calling it quits. Qui-Gon is in over his head with prophecies, Obi-Wan just wants to follow the rules, and Rael Averross is Dooku’s previous apprentice that is living his best life as a regent until Pijal’s princess comes of age. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a solid book. I just don’t vibe with Qui-Gon and want to whack him upside the head every time he avoids confrontation with his own student. My protectiveness for Obi-Wan is showing again, isn’t it? Yikes.

17. James Luceno is one of the most analytical authors I’ve ever read anything from, but it seems to always work? Tarkin is all about...well, Moff Tarkin. He’s ruthless, intelligent, and just downright evil. His backstory was compelling and I found myself drawn into the story by the details, although it is dense and took awhile to finish. I’m not interested in him as a character, but despite that, I enjoyed this story. The plot wasn’t memorable enough for me to recall after 3 years, but it’s similar to how Thrawn rose through the ranks of the Navy, just in a different part of the Empire’s governing body. We don’t get many books completely focused on a villain (I don’t count Vader ones because we know who he was before and the whole damn saga is about him), but this one is good! Don’t be fooled by it only being in the Knight tier. I think people who read a lot of sci-fi will like this book a lot. This is like the opposite of Queen’s Shadow, basically. If you had gripes about that book, you might like this one instead.

18. Battlefront II: Inferno Squad was a worthwhile read for anyone who played Battlefront II. Iden Versio is a great protagonist in the game, and I think Christie Golden totally gets her character. She’s nuanced and relatable. The whole team is interesting and getting introduced to each member before the events of the game makes everything mean more. That’s the real goal of any prequel story, I think. Accomplished! The action scenes are on point, the plot served to highlight what makes Inferno Squad special, and you get a sense for the morally grey area anyone must function in as an operative for the Empire. Although not necessary for the greater canon, it’s a great adventure. Iden and her squad members infiltrate the remains of Saw Gerrara’s group (they’ve become a bit of extremist) and destroy them from the inside. It’s got the suspense of a spy thriller and all of the nerdy space opera elements you expect from Star Wars. Although it’s weird to jump into a story not knowing any of the characters, you’ll get attached to Inferno Squad fast. Well, except for Gideon Hask maybe. He’s kind of a dick.

19. If you’re craving some Dark Side action, Lords of the Sith will give you what you’re looking for. Sidious and Vader crash-land on Ryloth and have to work together to survive, and also defeat the Free Ryloth Movement led by Cham Syndulla. It’s all fucking connected, guys. I love when people weave together stories that fit into the canon timeline like this, bringing in side characters and allowing them to develop some depth. And a chance to sink into the mind of a Sith Lord is always fun, if you’re in the mood to read about destruction and anger. It’s cathartic sometimes. If you’re always wondering, why didn’t Vader just stab Palps when he had the chance, this book explains their dynamic more. It didn’t really change my opinion of any of the characters, which is why it’s not higher on the list.

20. Catalyst suffered from being in a really boring part of galactic history. Despite that, Galen Erso and Orson Krennic have a hilarious relationship that I would have loved to see on-screen. This book really develops Krennic to become more than just the whiny entitled evil man we saw in Rogue One. He’s ten times worse now! But I mean that in the best way, I laugh whenever he’s in a scene, that sassy man just brings me joy. James Luceno is at it again, making things as detailed and dry as possible. I read so many of his stories right at the beginning of my journey through Star Wars canon and it’s a wonder I didn’t quit. Some of them are dark as fuck. And also slow as hell. With this one, I think it all comes down to what you want out of a Star Wars novel. Some people will really enjoy the plot. I think seeing how Galen became a part of Project Stardust was interesting and every time something about the Death Star became more clear, I screeched because I knew what it would eventually become. This book may not hold your interest though, which is why I put it lower on this list.

21. Star Wars: Clone Wars was a decent retelling of the Clone Wars movie. I liked it because I liked the movie, but you have to be able to sit back and enjoy the ride, not thinking too much about the silly parts. For that reason, it’s pretty far down in the rankings. Ahsoka is young and liable to get on your nerves. I certainly wasn’t her biggest fan at this point in the series. The biggest problem is that Karen Traviss is very anti-Jedi. Some authors for Star Wars tend to do this? To me, it’s weird. I didn’t notice it too much because it was one of the first Star Wars books I read, but it contrasts starkly with the truth of the prequel trilogy and some of the other entries in the Clone Wars Novel timeline, like Karen Miller’s books. Needless to say, although this book wasn’t super memorable aside from the familiar plot, it kept me reading Star Wars books, and so it is at least an average book. Plus, any content with Anakin and the clones is worth it for me. I love them.

22. A New Hope was good, for Alan Dean Foster. I’m not a fan, I’ll be honest. But this novelization stands on it’s own. I’m going to have to do a re-read to really go in depth on why this isn’t farther up on the tier list, but the movie is always going to be better to me. If you want to re-live the great beginning of the Original Trilogy, it’s worth your time. I mean, the story is full of adventure and mystery and lovable characters. What’s not to love? I just feel like the movie really elevates the narrative with a great score and fun character design/costumes/sets.

Padawan: These Books Have Much to Learn

23. Attack of the Clones was more entertaining than The Phantom Menace because the characters are in funnier situations. Obi-Wan and Anakin chasing Zam Wesell through the levels of Coruscant? Hilarious, just like the movie. Anakin and Padme falling in love as they spend time together? Holy fuck it’s so much better than the movie. Please read it for that alone. Outside of that, the writing style didn’t really impress me. And my experience with it wasn’t super memorable. There was potential to really make the inner dialogue of these characters impactful, to really develop the story of Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme beyond what we could get from the movie scenes alone. I didn’t think it went above and beyond there. Not a bad story at all, but you don’t get to look at Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, or Ewan McGregor the whole time either, so therefore I must rank it lower. So many beautiful people in that movie, holy shit. You can understand my, dilemma, yes?

24. I enjoyed parts of The Phantom Menace book, like deleted scenes with Anakin living on Tatooine before Qui-Gon and Padme meet him. The additional depth is lovely, but I think a story like Queen’s Peril adds more to TPM than this book does. The story overall is still fun. I love this movie so much, it’s hard for me to be critical. I did put a lot of post-it flags in my copy, so it does develop the characters and get you thinking beyond your expectations from the movie. What more could you ask for from a movie novelization? I’d say not much, if I hadn’t read Revenge of the Sith and had my fucking mind blown. In comparison to that, this one is just okay.

25. The Last Jedi novelization wasn’t bad, necessarily. It tried its best to bring this story up to par with some of the interesting novels that don’t have movie counterparts. But still, the plot suffers because of how this movie was made. It’s very focused on Rey and Kylo, and Finn’s little adventure with Rose seems pointless in the grand scheme of things. I’d rather read this again versus watching the film, but that’s all I’ll say on this because I’m trying to keep my opinions on this movie to myself to avoid digging up old arguments. Jason Fry did well, and of the two Sequel Trilogy books I’ve read, I would recommend this one over Ep. 7.

26. The Force Awakens falls short and I think it’s because of Alan Dean Foster’s writing style on this one? It didn’t really expand on anything from the movie, while taking away the beautiful music and visuals. This novel is the antithesis of Revenge of the Sith’s novelization, and for that reason I ranked it fairly low. I wouldn’t read this one unless you really really love the Sequel Trilogy.

27. To be fair, I read the new Thrawn book before I went back and read this one. Even so, Heir to the Empire didn’t impress me at all. Thrawn didn’t seem like a thrilling villain with lots of depth like he did in Timothy Zahn’s reimagined Thrawn novel. We barely saw him. A lot of time was spent on the Original Triology’s trio, which waasn’t bad. I thought Luke, Leia, and Han were all written fairly well. The latter part of the story was redeemed by the interactions between Mara Jade and Luke, for sure. Enemies to lovers, anyone?? Without Thrawn, this book would have been an entertaining story, but for all of the praise it has received from long-time Star Wars fans, I was expecting to be blown away and I wasn’t. Maybe I have to continue the triology to figure out what all of the fuss is about, but after this one, I’m not super motivated to read more. Change my mind?

28. Cloak of Deception really shines when you’re following Palpatine’s perspective because you can feel the undercurrents of his master plan to destroy the Republic underneath his calm persona as a Senator. Other than that, it’s a forgettable plot. This is all about galactic politics and some terrorist group trying to blow up some government officials. Basically the most boring parts of the prequel trilogy. I listened to the audiobook of this at the beginning of this year and I already forget what it’s about. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan should have been able to bring some humor and energy to get you rooting for the good guys,  but there was barely any of that. I was disappointed in all of the characters. Everything felt distant, removed from the heart of the characters. Some people in reviews have argued that the events of The Phantom Menace really pinned this novel in a corner because you already know what happens, but I disagree, because we know how Revenge of the Sith goes and The Clone Wars show is that much more tragic and heartbreakingly beautiful because of it. Prequels can be done right. This ain’t it, Luceno. Sorry.

29. Star Wars: The Old Republic, Fatal Alliance needs to go home and rethink it’s life. I’m a huge fan of the Old Republic and I’ve put like 200 hours of my life into playing that game, so I was hoping for some fun content in this part of the timeline. Sadly, this book captured the worst parts of the game, like the fact that there’s way too many factions at war with each other. Jedi, Sith, Empire, Republic, Mandalorians. They’re all here. They’re all ready to throw down. And I’m tired. As with many of the books in this lower tier, I felt there wasn’t enough description of the world or the people in the story. We’re in the gffa, be a little weird and wacky. Be big and bold! Make things terrifying, or beautiful, or both. But give my mind something to work with. The number of characters made the plot messier than it could have been, and it definitely isn’t worth the read. I can’t speak for all Old Republic books, but this one didn’t impress me.

A Sith Lord?! On My Bookshelf? It’s More Likely Than You’d Think

30. So underwhelming, you might as well just read the first half and then stop. Last Shot is absolutely terrible, except for Lando Calrissian’s characterization, which was spot-on. If the whole story had been from his perspective, I probably would have a much difference opinion on the novel as a whole. Sadly, this is not the case. Han was boring, he bottled up his emotions, and seemed drastically different from the badass he was in the original trilogy. There are different timepoints in this novel, and in all of them, Han is unrecognizable. Don’t nerf one of your main characters like that. Daniel Jose Older and I might just not get along. I thought his writing style didn’t fit Star Wars at all. It was like breaking the fourth wall, totally pulling me out of the story constantly. Also, there were little to no descriptions of body language, locations, or movement. It left me feeling disoriented the whole time I was reading. I thought one of the most interesting things would have been seeing Han, Leia, and baby Ben being a family at this point in time, but Han’s family was there as a prop, nothing more. There was a big bad item that was going to cause galactic destruction and our heroes had to go save the day. There was barely any tension and no one lost an arm so I’m pretty pissed off. Is it Star Wars if no one gets their appendage removed? I can’t tell you how much I disliked this book. Which is sad because I was hoping to enjoy it. I like Han. I like Lando. I like space adventures. I’m not that hard to please, or at least I don’t think so.