#please god i know you dont listen to me but please. please.

[kcalsforhim]

𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ ｡ thursday 9 jan 2025

༄.°

i woke up in the worst state someone could find me in LOL. i can’t recall much except feeling so fucking terrible ;; i did go to college and haku didn’t go to college so i was all alone

2 sugar free red bulls

2 sugar free coca cola oreo

in class for the first half i worked on a drawing for college then on the second half i talked with my classmates to make sure i could actually be included in the second half of the group project pretty please. i had a lot of cool ideas and that is a lot of fun im excited for that

then when i was walking home my mom sends me a text, she got called by a number and she’s asking me who it is. i checked and the number called me too

earlier in the day i sent my mental health coordinator at college that i wanted to commit suicide on new years and i ended up not doing it, and that im just kind of lost now ;; and she started panicking and called me

we had a nice conversation on the phone about a new special trajectory for me so that i can calm down and obviously get extra help and bla bla. this has been weighing on me for like.. ever since i started college again, but mostly since start of november, that’s also when i started binge eating.. or well, it started developing.

afterwards i just started to stress and i wanted to binge, it was a good convo, but i wanted to eat everything in sight. instead i went to the shops to spend money there instead since another one of my comforts is shopping. (yeah i know lots of bad comforts)

i went to miniso and got lots of kuromi stuff, bottles and lunch box that’s tiny and even a hair straightener ; then i went to primark and bought a pair of sweatpants and a kuromi hoodie and pyjamas and more kuromi stuff. i also went online and ordered a pair of pants. yes i went crazy.

however, i got no food. when i got to my local train station i began my walk home and my knees wobbled and i just kind of half fell on the floor, i was so exhausted and it was. cold. icy cold. i called my friend and asked him to get me

he did and he was deadass pale like a ghost. he had to hold onto me when we got me some groceries so i could eat. he even pulled out of his savings to have enough for what i wanted to eat

he got me cigarettes and got me everything i wanted, just ingredients for a dish. he held me when i felt my legs giving out lol, he took me home and he gave me the longest hug ever and asked me to keep safe, i told him i would try

a pokebowl containing salad mix, spicy mayonnaise, edamame beans, half of an avocado, carrot shavings, cucumber cubes, shrimp and salmon.

4 courgette hashbrowns / cakes

3 medjoul dates

1 protein yogurt

i didn’t count my cals cause i knew if i didn’t eat something properly i would and will binge eat everything and i was feeling really emotional so i would rather eat salad and salmon than a big thing of cookies… im just saying… 3 dates instead of 1 for the same reasoning

its pathetic but i did half all of the ingredients at the very least, half the avocado, half the salmon, half the shrimp, ect ect. i made my mom a small bowl to eat out of too and that’s where the extra meat went (i ate similar meal today too)

i wanted to eat more and more and more afterwards but i ended up not doing it dont worry. i just chewed a lot of gum to get my jaw moving and active so that i wouldn’t go downstairs to chew on something else yk ?

i am relieved things in my life will change though, i’m relieved. telling everyone in my life i wanted to be gone on new years stressed me the fuck out

fitting for how i felt yesterday, i listened to it a lot that day too… it just resonates with me, you know ?

𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ ｡ stats for today

streak : 4 days binge free, thank god

cals : n.v.t

steps : 15.2 k

overall today went shit in well, EVERY regard, not just food. im cutting myself a little slack. the next day; so today as im writing this, i did eat the leftovers but only because my friend pulled from his savings for me to be able to eat something i find comfort in. my favourite restaurant is closed, so i have to make their dish from my own memory. i hope you guys understand but im ready to feel terrible by the next day (11th)

༄.°

[truckstoptigers]

ah

genuinely don't think i can take this. please tell me i just read smth similar and my brain decided to concoct whatever vision including that concept would upset me most. please tell me it was just the power of suggestion and not something based in reality. please tell me it isn't possible tell me it didn't happen tell me there's no way it could have happened tell me something anything just please tell me it isn't real

[art-o-gant]

UDJFYHIBJDNKSIOGYUDBJHSNKIOUHFGYDSHJIOUFYHGSDHJ JANISSARY: A BALKAN ROCK OPERA I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU DHSXJFCDHSBDJNSHBFSDJDHDSNJDS D I LOVE THRIS ALSBUM SO CMUCH IM ACYRTALLY THIS CLOSE TO FUCKING EXPLODING IM SO NORMALLLL ALL THE MUSIC AND THE STORYIS SO BEAUFYTIL ND AMAXDNG AND THE FUCKING FINAL CONFRONTATION ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL SO MANY KTHINGS BRO I OUCLD QUOTE LITERALLY EVERY LINE RIGHT NOW. BRO. I NEVER CHOSE THJE PATH OF LOVE. BRO IM FHDJSKFNDDJHSBDNSDSJSDKDJSDDSDS THE. BRO. THE KINDER THINGS I SHOULD HAVE DONE U FAULED ALL I SHOUDLD HAVE SAVED THE ONLY LEGACY I MADE IS THE ONE I BRING NOW MADE IN BLOOD. I HDSJNKFBVDHJNKHGSVBHDJNSBNSHBDSJNHGDBSJCDFGSHYU

[youre-fired-s-seaborn]

Oh west wing season two episode ten “Noel” we’re really in it now..

[unlikecharlie]

nothing more annoying than a bitch who complains about their favourite artist/song becoming popular or 'tiktok-ified'

[cator99]

I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care

[unriding]

Me sneaking into your asks with this drabble:

Disclaimer: I have yet to get a good grasp of Moze's character so this might be a bit OOC and on your side as well (sorry). I did my best. Also, this was inspired by the post you made abt telling Moze your tasks for the day | 600+ words (not proofread)

.

.

.

In Moze's eyes, you reminded him of a dog catching a case of the zoomies.

You were quite literally everywhere. He'd find you talking to someone one moment before you're rushing off to do something else entirely the next. It seemed like you had quite a lot on your plate as of recently. Tasks, things you wanted to do, and so much more spinning around that mind of yours. You've told him a bit of your plans so he has a general idea. But seeing you juggling all of those tasks at once makes both admiration and concern bloom in his chest.

One time, Moze found you carrying a box filled with items. It would've been amusing to him how comical it was that the items piled so high— he could barely see you behind it. However, he did worry right after given how you almost tripped over something. He managed to catch you and the items before both came crashing all over the floor.

He insisted on helping you carry the items to wherever its destination was. It took a bit of pursuasion on his side. Convincing you that it truly wasn't a bother to him at all, and that he'd be very much glad to be of assistance to you.

"I need to get these delivered first. Then go stop by the shop to buy some things. After that…" You go on to ramble about the things you had to do to help get a better vision on what else you had to do. "Oh, no… I messed up." The smile on your face dropping at the thought that had slipped your mind until that moment. "I forgot to invite Jiaoqiu to dinner with the others—"

"It's tomorrow evening, right? He knows. I mentioned it last time when I spoke to him." Moze says with a calm tone.

You blink at him, slightly caught off-guard by the man beside you. Though it's immediately replaced with relief and gratitude. The smile on your face already back, lighting up your features once more. Infectious as always, it makes the corners of his lips tug upwards as well. A small part of him feels quite proud to have been able to help you ease your worries even by a bit.

And this is when you start noticing it.

Did you mention that you're running out of a certain skincare product, but you can't find the time to stop by the store to buy it? Moze conveniently has to stop by near the store and buys it for you. Did you also mention that you wanted to do a certain task but keep forgetting about it? He gently reminds you about it via message or verbal if he's nearby. Did you also happen to mention that you've been meaning to try out a certain desert from a cafe, but the schedule simply doesn't seem to allow you? No fear, he passes by the store to buy you the treat.

Moze doesn't see you as someone incapable of handling things by yourself. To him, he simply sees it as a way to show his care. If making a quick stop somewhere, sending you a small reminder of something you had to do that day, or even helping you out with the tasks you need to accomplish, makes you smile? Gives you a chance to take a break? Let you worry less about the things you need to do? It's worth it in his eyes.

He does his best to avoid making you feel like you're bothering or troubling him (you really aren't). Most of the time, he does them discrcetly and casually. Partially, since he's also scared that you'll think he's weird or a creep for acting like that.

Please don't think of him badly.

Moze truly means well.

[valvesoftware]

breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Me, at my coworker: I finished both Kyoshi novels. Coworker: Uh oh. How you holding up? Me: I thinking about walking into traffic

[tankycinna]

WE DID IT REDDIT

[mellotronmkll]

i like literally wish i didnt feel compelled to rewatch and relisten to the same things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again its like actually really annoying and frustrating because i just feel like im constantly stuck in a loop doing the same things over and over but thats just literally what its like being autistic like its just frustrating cos i dont want to have to be constantly fighting with myself over it because its like okay we dont need to get stuck in the daily loop of walking in circles for hours listening to the same songs we've heard 200 times or sitting and watching things we've seen 30 times and there are better ways we could be spending our time but the compulsion is SO strong and its just Omfg like its just annoying and horrible because I have to force myself to try to break out of patterns I wish the constant compulsion I have to do the same things over and over and over and over and OVER AND OVER wasnt there at all because it would make things way easier for me and it just makes me feel so dumb.

[chasingfictions]

what's fun about figure skating is the tunnel vision. yes i watch it for four hours every weekend. yes i think about the women's singles field at least once a day. yes i have cried at every single competition yet this year. yes the ongoing trajectory of this season haunts my dreams and waking hours <3 no i could not tell you a single thing about the leading pairs and ice dance teams right now <3

[the-acid-pear]

No this show was insane. Floki getting behind Ragnar to face Athelstan looking down at him speaking on his high pitched condescending tone as he judges Ragnar's choice of trusting the priest while testing him because he promised there'd be riches here and there weren't. The framing the silhouettes the vibe. They don't queer bait like this anymore 💥💥💥

[todayisafridaynight]

Wait, it was Freak by Estelle not Frank wkcjwjckwkkc. Also, since you're tired of Nasty, which I don't think is one of the best Tinashe songs... time to listen to Freak Nasty by Megan Thee Stallion.

need to ring up estelle to write 'frank' so last post's possible .......

[elegyofthemoon]

Hsr for the ask game thing! Or if it's been asked then hi3 :)

YAAAAAAAAAAAY RAMBLINGGGGGGG

the first character i ever fell in love with:

sampo :) i actually started playing hsr because of sampo! he just seemed like a silly little dude and i do tend to like the "goof but has some big lore potential going on". it took like a day of resisting to actually download the game lmao

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Himeko..... I was actually really excited to get to know Himeko more when I had first started off. I mean come on: she's so beautiful! But laksjdfh I think overtime she eventually stopped standing out for me that I lost interest. That plus now that I've played HI3, the reason why I like HSR! Himeko feels like it's only because of HI3 Himeko and the importance of Himeko in the HI3 plot and for many characters' developments 😭 Sorry Himeko

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:

I guess KafHime tbh? I think aesthetically they're a very very pretty couple, but I just can't get behind it at all. Or I just have no reasons to get behind it since I'm not exactly invested in either characters. Though Kafka is definitely growing on me because I built her (accidental pull) and she's been doing such massive damage so like you know.

Even then I don't have anything to say about either characters aslkdjfa

my ultimate favorite character™:

surprise to no one it's Dan Heng ALKSJDFAKLSJH I can go on about why I like him, but tldr: I just got attached to him at a very very crucial point in my life and he's just a nice comfort character to me ^u^ I loved being able to get to know him further on the Luofu and all things about the High Cloud Quintet ! So... yeah :> also I miss him --

prettiest character:

IM STUCK BECAUSE I THINK DAN HENG IS SOOOOOO PRETTY BUT ALSO ARGENTIIIIIII ARGENTI IS SO BEAUTIFULLLL RADIANT KNIGHT WHO COMES WITH HIS OWN SPARKLES AND OURGHHHHHH

it's hard T _ T its very hard to tell T _ T

my most hated character:

I don't really have a character I hate. Just more disinterest towards. Dr. Ratio is definitely up there though (I ramble about him later lmao)

my OTP:

listen.... i know it has been a while.... but I still really love Serval/Cocolia. I rarely read fanfics aside from if its written by my friends but Servalia had me clawing through AO3 and Tumblr just to search for more fics for them. No one posts about them much anymore but I sure love them so much okay.

my NOTP:

i'm not going to say which ship but its one of the dan heng ships.

favorite episode:

I'll write this as "favorite update". Penacony has been suuuuch a fun ride honestly. So I'll say that entire section has been tons of fun. As of now I still haven't finished it in its entirety, but I can sense 2.2's story will probably be my favorite because I've been waiting to get to know Robin more and the Watchmaker!! But 2.1 has been fun because I just love seeing Acheron's section of it heheh :)

saddest death:

UHHH as of now, I think Aventurine's death in 2.1 was really sad :/ Hoyo did a really good job writing Aventurine and his story that once you get to the finale of the 2.1, I found myself kinda torn on how it ended. Aventurine who placed his bets on his own death because that is what his good luck is good for - winning against all odds. The epilogue scene with Aventurine walking off into the Nihility's shadow kinda got me too. And this is coming from someone who is like very.... meh on Aventurine? I can't really bring myself to get super invested in him but objectively, he is a really well thoughtout and well created character. I just have no feelings towards him.

favorite season:

I'll write this as "favorite area". It's still Penacony askldjfahlsk There's sooooo many things happening in Penacony and I loved being able to put the pieces together to figure out what's going on. It's also the first area that I had nearly read all the readables in because I'd make it my goal to finish reading every readable and 100% every area before the next update in Penacony :> I want to better understand the area I'm in and give myself ideas for where the story can go. The second area would have been Belobog because it's the only other area I was trying to 100% and read all the readables for (are the readables important in Belobog? no but some of them sure made me cry a bit LMAO)

least favorite season:

"Least favorite area" Honestly... Herta's Space Station. But that could also be because when I first started HSR, I was still orienting myself to the new world, so the space station is the least i remember. It's not that I hated it; it's trying to orient you into the new world and I was just confused for majority of it. I just don't remember enough about it nor about the people within it to care for it.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:

Objectively: I'll say he's interesting and I am interested to see his development. But Dr. Ratio. I don't get it. I've seen people talk about him wanting education to be accessible to ALL which is GREAT but personality? Can't stand him.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:

Ruan Mei my most beloved. I want more of her and I feel like we didn't get enough of her. She's just so interesting as a character and while she may not be the most caring of characters - and reasons why people shit on her - I still feel like her view as a character is interesting. And even her motives of wanting to become an Aeon. I want to understand her better. Why? What drove her to want to become so? I WANT TO UNDERSTAND YOU MISS

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:

not a beautiful cinnamon roll but she sure is beautiful but i love Jingliu 😭😭😭 one reason why i don't like interacting with majority of the fandom is because of their viewpoint on Jingliu's companion quest. I had way way clearer thoughts on the quest when it was fresh on my brain, but I actually liked it a lot more than the fandom let on about it, and I know that people were kinda shittalking about Jingliu afterwards and that made me Mad on her behalf because I think she's a really nicely thought out character. But then again, if you know me: white hair character who is defined by mourning and grief. you know the deal LKAJDHFALKJD

idk. I just feel like she deserves better than how the fandom treats her.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:

I mean whatever the hell Rondo Across Countless Kalpas had going on, Black Swan/Acheron sure kinda has me feeling a way (in which i'd risk wanting a dance with Acheron. me too Black Swan LAKJDFALKS). Also in a way Servalia too I mean. You know.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:

No one asked but I actually kinda lowkey ship Firefly/Robin. Like very very lowkey. My only reasoning is when 2.0 was fresh and i was in Mourning over Robin, I once sent a very giant and long essay to my friend N about me late night perusing and overanalyzing Firefly and Robin's deaths. like why specifically them ? Why did they have to die?

I took it in a very symbolic matter. I thought too much about Firefly's monologue about her answer to "Why do people slumber?" and her answer being "Because people are afraid to be awake" or something like that. And about how it was "If I can stop one heart from breaking" that played in the background of all this - a song that praises the comforts of a dream in the face of bleakness. In both cases, in my view, it felt like having both of them die at least in that update, the deaths also seemed to signal the idea of ceasing this concept of a dream and to face reality etc.

And that's something I'm super excited about based on where i am with HSR with arguing with Sunday over the concept of comfort vs freedom.

BUT BACK TO THE POINT OF THIS QUESTION: this concept and me fixating on their meanings, it gave me a reason to kinda put Firefly/Robin together. It's kinda nice parallel with each other in a way haha