#please god i know you dont listen to me but please. please.
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caldre smut fic
includes spanking, praise, degradation, daddy kink, andre being overly worried, etc.
note: this came from a post and then my boyfriend found the full video, so i decided to write this….enjoy your slop/j
calvin was situated over andres lap while he sat on his bed, jeans pulled down to his knees to show his grey boxers.
cal had wanted to try something different this time around, but andre was hesitant.
it was weird to put it simply and he didnt want to hurt his boyfriend. although, theyve done a lot worse - even before they established they were dating.
so, nonetheless he still tries.
“just do it, ‘dre. itll be fine,” cal reassures him, looking back at him “im *asking* you to do it, arent i?”
andre slowly nodded “well, yeah, but i dont want to - you know, hurt you.”
the blonde smiled, enjoying all of the others worry and care “thats the point though, andre. its supposed to hurt.”
hes not wrong, it was supposed to hurt. he just didnt want to get too carried away and hurt him *too* badly.
calvin seems to know what hes thinking, so he adds “i trust you. i know you wont make it too bad.”
with that andre lets out a sigh, flexing his hands to let his knuckles crack “if it hurts too bad youll tell me, yeah?”
calvin quickly nodded, too eager to worry about that sort of thing. he liked how much andre cared, but sometimes it would get in the way of things.
however, the brunette finally gets on with it, trusting that cal will tell him if it becomes too much for him.
andre lays his hand flat over calvins ass, lifting it before bringing it right back down. it wasnt anything too hard at first, but it wasnt too soft either.
cal lets out a short squeak, burying his face into the bedsheets. it felt good although it wasnt exactly the roughness he was looking for.
he brings his hand up again and then back down, taking note of the way the others body seemed to jolt.
he does it a third time and then a forth, now being able to feel cals erection hard against his thigh.
“do it - a little harder, please, andre.” he begged, voice muffled from the bed sheets. he *needed* it to be as hard and rough as possible.
andre hesitated again though, but ultimately obliged - he brought his hand down harder this time which pulls a whiny moan out of his boyfriend.
“was that alright?” he asked, wanting to make sure he was doing it how he wanted him to.
“yeah - god, yeah, ‘dre. keep doing it like that *please.*” his eagerness and begging seemed to take a toll on him. it was always one of the things that got to him.
andre hits him even harder, reveling in the cry he gets in return. its beautiful, really, he thought all the noises cal made were gorgeous.
he gets ready to do it again, but is interrupted by feeling the other grind down against his thigh. it makes his breath hitch and he gets an idea - an idea he has no clue if calvin will like or not, but he does it anyway.
andre slams down his hand twice as hard, getting an even louder cry from cal “dont fucking grind against me unless i tell you otherwise, alright?”
the blonde is ecstatic as soon as he says that - he loves when andre is dominant and can use his naturally commanding tone for something like this.
“yeah - yes, sir - daddy, ah, fuck,” it comes out in a string of nonsense, but hes able to catch onto what he says and it makes his erection strain against his pants.
he doesnt reply though and just lays another slap down, listening to the moaning and whining.
he decides though that he wants to change this up a little bit.
he takes a moment to pull down calvins grey boxers, exposing him fully now. he doesnt seem to mind it - only letting out a whimper from the lack of touch.
andre gives him what he wants again though, flattening out his hand once more and hitting him.
it hurts more now without the barrier and cal lets it show, pressing his hips down as if to move away from the other.
the brunette takes notice and lays down an even harsher hit “i thought you wanted this, calvin? did you change your mind?”
cal cant get over the way he says his name, whimpering again as he shook his head, but that wasnt good enough. he lets out a yelp as hes hit once again.
“yeah - i do, i want it, sir,” it comes out, almost stuttery “please - im sorry.”
andre hummed, letting his hand rest over his ass as he rubbed at the mark already starting to form “tell me how much you want it, cal.”
the blonde swallowed hard, but does his best to answer “so, so bad, ‘dre. i - i wanna feel your hands on me,” he yelped as he was cut off by another slap, but he continued “please, daddy - shit, it feels so good.”
andre wasnt sure if he was dreaming or not. this was too good to be true and he couldnt get enough of it.
he then grabbed a fistful of his silky blonde hair, yanking his head up to look at him.
there were *tears* streaking down his face and there was spit covering his mouth and chin.
he hadnt even realized he started crying and he wants to ask if hes okay - if this was getting to be too much for him, but his boyfriend already knew what he was going to say, so he gives him a short, subtle nod for him to continue.
thats all he needed.
“are you sure thats what you want?,” he questioned, yanking his head back a little further “you want me to keep hurting you like youre some *slut?*”
the blonde nodded eagerly, sniffling “please, please daddy. i need it so fucking bad - you have no idea.”
he lets go of his hair and gets ready to continue, but the other is confused when he doesnt get right back to it.
however, his confusion turns to excitement when he hears andre unbuckling his belt and sliding it out of the loops on his pants.
andre holds both ends and doesnt hesitate to smack it right down against him, hearing the string of sounds and sobs it earns.
he does it again and again - continuing to do it over and over again while he watched the area turn a pretty shade of pink and red.
it was beautiful. he thought calvin looked like an angel no matter what they were doing - even if it something as dirty as this.
“oh, oh ��dre,” he moaned, digging his nails into the bed sheets “you gotta let - let me do it, daddy. oh, you have to.” its obvious what he means and he figured it wouldnt hurt to let him.
“only if you can behave - dont hump me like some damn dog.” before he can even finish his sentence, he was already grinding down against him like earlier. it felt good to finally relieve the pain.
at this point the blonde was panting like a dog, grinding down against andres thigh so hard that his jeans were starting to irritate his cock, but he makes no effort to stop him.
“oh, fuck, fuck - you, you gotta let me cum, daddy, please-“ it comes out in a sob - so desperate and needy to get himself off no matter what.
andre doesnt have a reason not to let him, so he agreed “yeah, go ahead, cal.” he says it all soft, contrasting from his earlier tone.
calvin takes that and grinds his hips down just about as hard as he could while andre takes the opportunity to lay another hit or two on him.
it was only a moment later that he was cumming all over his thigh with a high pitched moan - moaning andres name as loud as he could, just for him to hear.
its music to his ears, he thinks. all of this was perfect.
calvin is exhausted by the time hes finished, letting himself lay on andres lap while he comes down from his high.
the brunette sets the belt down and placed his hand back over the marks, rubbing over them gently again “that was really good.” he says it, sounding embarrassed for even being into it.
calvin lets out a breathless laugh, finding it cute how embarrassed he seemed to be.
he managed to sit up after a moment, trying to get over the stinging pain in his body “you did good too, ‘dre. youre the best at this,” he compliments him, leaning in to give him a quick kiss before pulling away “im so lucky to have you.”
the contrast between his words and what they did was amusing, but andre didnt care. he just smiled as his face warmed up.
although before he can comment, cals already looking down at his pants.
“oh, andre, your pants,” he tries to hold back his laughter “youre too easy.”
he gives him a confused look, but when he looks down he becomes about a hundred times more embarrassed. there was a wet spot right over his front, obviously from cumming himself.
“goddamnit,” he hissed under his breath “ruined my damn jeans.”
“they were already ruined anyway,” he gestured to the more obvious white spot that was from cal rather then himself “you can just borrow mine, i dont care.”
cal could say he was lucky all he wanted, but at the end of the day andre was even luckier then him.
“thanks, man,” he sighed “do you need me to do anything for you? you know - because…” he was still worried he had hurt him too much, but his boyfriend was quick to reassure him again.
“im fine, andre. dont worry so much,” he smiled as he wiped away the remaining tears in his eyes, face now tacky and dry “you did great.”
he finds it hard to believe him, but he forces himself to anyway.
“im allowed to worry, cal. youre my - uh, shit…” his voice trails off, not being able to say the word. it was all still so new so he didnt want to mess up and say the wrong thing.
“just because im your *boyfriend* now doesnt change anything,” he says it for him “im still the same person.”
he placed his hand on the side of his face, kissing him again. the other quickly reciprocated and leaned into it.
“i love you, ‘dre.”
“i love you too, cal.”
#tcc fandom#tcc tumblr#tccblr#tcctwt#tee cee cee#tccblur#teeceecee#anoufrievboy fanfics#caldre#calvin gabriel#cal gabriel#andre kriegman#zero day 2003#zero day
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Lost little wolf: A Welcome to raven brooks Fan Fic
Summary: Nicky get's lost at GAAP and someone that he least expects help him.
Nicky felt like he's been walking for hours or even days...he see's other kids laughing and enjoying the rides...He hears the screams of joy.."God I wish I was having fun like them" he says.
But no! Here he is, lost in a Big Amusment Park not know where to go or any clue of where he is just then He feels a hand touch his shoulder.
"GAHH!!" Nicky screams and then realizeing who it was..MR PETERSON?!
Nicky felt his blood run cold he starts to shiver as the man comes closer to Nicky
"PLEASE NO DONT HURT ME MR. PETERSON AM SORRY FOR BREAKING IN YOUR HOUSE JUST PLEASE DONT KILL ME!"
"Nicolas stop being so folish and listen...god you didn't even let me get a chance to talk boy." Mr pterson sighs
Nicky the starts to calm down, after a gew moments he listens to what Mr. Peterson wanted to say....
"What are you doing in this part of the Amusment Park? Shouldn't you be on the rides, having fun?" He asks confused
"Well...." Nicky scraches his neck "I kinda got a bit lost...please Mr. Peterson please dont-"
Nicky gets cut off by Mr. Peterson knelling down face to face while grabing his shoulders...
"Nicky ....I will not Kill you...Nor will I hurt you , but boy do you have to understand that Aaron wants you safe and what I think you should do is let go..." Mr. Peterson states.
But....but...Aaron...I....know he's somewhere...a...and-" again he gets cut by a finger being pressed on his lips.
"No buts,...Now My little Lost wolf why don't take you back home....you must be tired of walking all the way here hmmm?" Says Mr. Peterson in a soft tone.
Nicky just nods and takes Mr. Peterson's as he guides him home and when he does he waves goodbye to Mr. Peterson and goes inside his parents house...
"Maybe...just...maybe...Mr. Peterson isnt THAT scary at all..." Nicky says as he flops onto his bed."
Nicky may not spy and break into Mr. Peterson's house this week but...
He will the week after that.
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ah
genuinely don't think i can take this. please tell me i just read smth similar and my brain decided to concoct whatever vision including that concept would upset me most. please tell me it was just the power of suggestion and not something based in reality. please tell me it isn't possible tell me it didn't happen tell me there's no way it could have happened tell me something anything just please tell me it isn't real
#i hope to god that i am wrong#because i dont know if i could handle this being a reality#but its been on my mind since i was 17#thats four years#and i wouldve been#somewhere btwn 11/12#since thats when i got my first period#please please please god tell me this is not real. i can never tell anyone about this. please tell me that did not happen#i dont think anyone will believe me if i try to talk abt it#im gonna go get an edible. i cant fucking do this#please god i know you dont listen to me but please. please.#please let me be wrong this time.#csa vent#fuck fuck fuck please god tell me that was not a miscarriage#i cant take it#i wouldve been 11#please
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UDJFYHIBJDNKSIOGYUDBJHSNKIOUHFGYDSHJIOUFYHGSDHJ JANISSARY: A BALKAN ROCK OPERA I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU DHSXJFCDHSBDJNSHBFSDJDHDSNJDS D I LOVE THRIS ALSBUM SO CMUCH IM ACYRTALLY THIS CLOSE TO FUCKING EXPLODING IM SO NORMALLLL ALL THE MUSIC AND THE STORYIS SO BEAUFYTIL ND AMAXDNG AND THE FUCKING FINAL CONFRONTATION ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL SO MANY KTHINGS BRO I OUCLD QUOTE LITERALLY EVERY LINE RIGHT NOW. BRO. I NEVER CHOSE THJE PATH OF LOVE. BRO IM FHDJSKFNDDJHSBDNSDSJSDKDJSDDSDS THE. BRO. THE KINDER THINGS I SHOULD HAVE DONE U FAULED ALL I SHOUDLD HAVE SAVED THE ONLY LEGACY I MADE IS THE ONE I BRING NOW MADE IN BLOOD. I HDSJNKFBVDHJNKHGSVBHDJNSBNSHBDSJNHGDBSJCDFGSHYU
#guess what i finished relistening to lolllllllllll#HDSJFGDHSJLFGCSDHNFCDBGJHJFCEBGUHEFGFHEID FIM SO NROMAL IM SOOOO NORMAL IM SO FUCKING NORMAL#hi if you r reading this n you dont know anything about the shaperaverse PLEASE LISTEN TO JANISSARY IT DOESNR REUIRE CONTEXT N ITS SO GHOOD#im sofucking noraml.#bro.#epic post patricide guitar solo#im being so so so normal abt the final confrontation\#this entire album is honestly sooo fucking beaituful#but the final confrontation especially#god this is literally how i killed my dad. the one i never knew i had#the one i wish id known. but that love died long ago. the day they took me from my home. what the fuckkkkkkk#WHAT THE ACRUAL FCKKCKKYJCJK#BRo.#im so.#dude i need to make a painting for htis album i need to paint brija#I NEED TO GET A VIZIER DESIGN DOWN WEYAGDHFJ#godddd#inm so NORMAL IM NORMAL IM NORMAL#shaperaverse
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i think chappell roan enforcing her boundaries to creepo parasocial fans is so fucking awesome and based and she should be allowed to do whatever she wants forever
#seriously i never see artists (regardless of what type of art) enforcing these boundaries and making people listen#also ive just become aware people are mad at her for not getting involved in political stuff???#hey i think perhaps people should form their own opinions and not base their life choices on what a celebrity they dont even know says?#its not like celebrities are your trusted royal advisors man go think about it yourself.#i was going to say “if taylor swift told you to vote for a specific person would you listen” but thats a bad example isnt it#i think swifties just do whatever she says man#i think a lot of people really need to perhaps consider looking into what THEY THEMSELVES think of political candidates#and form their OWN opinions through research if theyre not sure on who to vote for#and not just immediately look to a random celebrity or public figure for what to do#has anybody considered like this isnt celebrities' business????#youre not at fucking daycare or highschool its not their responsibility to show you how to use critical thinking or form opinions#these arent your family members. these arent your friends. theyre just people a lot of people know about.#seriously man...i plan on attaining some fame from my projects eventually. its not gonna be my job to do that anymore than any other artist#my job is to draw furries not kiss the fans and tell them what to think. thats not my business.#even if i disagree with someone's views its still not my business my business is drawing furries.#theres a difference between using your platform to talk about issues and literally fucking telling people how to vote.#basing all your life choices on what celebrities think is gonna get you in a deep fuckin hole and do you no good. look at things 4 yourself#Sorry im kind of ranting here. am i sorry actually? no i think this needs to be said and im sayign it#and im not basing that on what popular figures think either! im basing that on what i think! which is what more people should do!#why dont we look at this from the perspective of like...streamers instead. cause people are weird towards streamers too#if i were to go up to a streamer or youtuber and ask them who to vote for#if i went up to fucking markiplier or vinny vinesauce and asked one of them who to vote for you'd all think i was deranged.#celebrities can also be wrong about shit!!! or be shit people!!! this is not me attacking anyone here!!#please consider the fact they are literally just people and theyre not some all seeing omnipotent god figures#you could go and ask nicki minaj who to vote for. or doja cat. you could just as well go and ask your boss who to vote for. or a neighbor!#and either way you dont need to base your life choices based on what that person says!#you still need to think for yourself!#but i think if youre gonna ask someone who to vote for it should be someone you know personally. not a pop star. not a gamer. not an artist#if youre gonna base your opinions on that of other people base it on the opinions of people you trust. people who know you.#people who are really there for you.
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Oh west wing season two episode ten “Noel” we’re really in it now..
#tww#the west wing#josh lyman#OUGHHHJ OHH MY GOD. KILL ME NOW#how did you cut your hand.#i can hear the damn sirens all over the building#I CANT HELP YOU IF YOU DONT LISTEN SO PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.#josh i don’t think you were fully conscious while you were saying that.#i know what atva is#a perfectly healthy pilot kills himself and no one’s asking why?#you’re in nine kinds of pain.#I COULDNT MAKE IT STOP I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT STOP#because we get better.#i didnt cut my hand on a glass leo i broke a window in my apartment.#IVE BEEN DOWN HERE BEFORE AND I KNOW THE WAY OUT.#LONG AS I GOT A JOB YOU GOT A JOB UNDERSTAND?#OHHHH MY. JENEKDBEKDBDJDWJDJJE#SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGJT NOW. STFU AARON SORKIN#I CSNT TAKE IT.
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nothing more annoying than a bitch who complains about their favourite artist/song becoming popular or 'tiktok-ified'
#rambling#bitch stfu#you wanna be special so bad 😭😭 youre not the only fan. youre not quirky. youre not unique#i can maybe sort of kind of forgive it when its an indie/small artist or sth#tho even then its like. oh so you dont want that artist to get the recognition they deserve and make more money#bc you wanna be god's special little listener. got it.#but when its BIG artists 💀💀 like MICHAEL JACKSON 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 or the weeknd#bro.#that artist wont pay you a personal visit to fuck you sloppy style for being the only true and og fan. be so fucking for real please#idk its such a pet peeve for me bc im kind of always late to things? like music movies books etc#and theres ALWAYS that annoyingly loud bunch of hyenas w a superiority complex that complains about 'fake fans' or newbies#like oh im sorry i was busy not being born when mj was coming up#or being 12 when the weeknd became popular or i dont fucking know
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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uncle nina if ravesey were broken up for over a month, does that mean that jerseykyle couldn't take care of ravenstan on his period like he has every month? 🥺💔
OOOOOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!
WHOEVER SENT ME THIS:
COUNT.
YOUR.
DAYS!!!!!
#oh my god i am going to start screaming#don't do this#don't do this but also ur right i am so MISERABLE#u know the alarm on his phone went off and everything#screaming crying and throwing up#i'm crying i bet u desperate jersey was like marj listen#*waves cvs bag* i need u to take these w/ you to the cd house#and drop them near stans door for me#Dont Tell Him Its From Me i just...Please? It's Important ;-; </3#anyways not sneaky he left the receipt in the bag by accident#or idk marj trying to roomate-parent trap them left it#pls note: ravenstan in his comfy kyle sweats chasing his ibuprofen with some gatorade hugging his knees to his chest#reading kyle's name printed on the receipt over and over :(#anyways...uhhhhh COUNT YOUR DAYS#WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BABY#WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING SO CONTREVERSIAL AND SO FUCKING TRUE THAT IS EVIL#oh my god how do i even GO ON
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#i think i first listened to this song around the time Behind The Codes became an official project#My brain probably associated the feelings of excitement and fear with the song so ig that's why I love it so much#On one side. I love working on the Behind The Codes#there's an overwhelming amount of ways to tell this story: brainstorming. designing. animating. writing and rewriting until your brain-#starts to fry and get foggy with so many ideas. its both good and stressful to push your limits like this#On another side. I'm constantly anxious about it#I've always been afraid to admit the things I enjoy as well as the things that i create#You don't allow yourself to create and embrace new things even when you're essentially alone#and yes I'm aware of the fact that there will be people who won't enjoy the series- which isn't what bothers me#What bothers me is that I might regret certain decisions#'This is not the message I wanted to convey'#'This is not the story I wanted to tell'#The decision to share this song here is the clearest example of what I mean:#Part of me says: this song is so btc oh my god please put it at the end credits wait THERE IS A 2ND PART OF IT AND IT'S EVEN COOLER OOOAAAA#then there's the main thought: this song is so stupid. it's so corny in a way it makes me uhghu7ujhkjg..#i won against my negative thoughts today. yay#this whole post is just me rambling and being anxious. i dont even know what to say hjdsfbwjkefkdsf#bye :waves:#starbstalks
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Y'all ever had that one F/O or Crush from media that you either just a casual fan or never watch at all and just decides to like that character solely out of their vibe????
#okay since I started this I go first lol#its Roronoa Zoro hshsjsksjs#oKAY SHHH LISTEN LISTEN I CAN EXPLAINNNN#i watch OP but ONLY CASUALLY#and then I just stopped at somewhere pre-timeskip#theres just too much for me to catch up now I just didnt bother and also shh out that spork down because im about to say something bad#turns out I dont really vibe with OP like this is totally a me problem and i just dont like the cringy anime exaggerated action thing#idk how to explain but you know when anime character go EHHHHH and HAAAAAA and make weird faces?? yeah turns out i dont like that when-#i get older lol I liked OP as a teenager but as I get older i just dont like it lol#but oh god all of this doesnt matter the only reason why I tolerated with OP in the first place is because of Zoro#his stupid sexy voice and his stupid sexy grin and his stupid sexy body and his stupid sexy attitude and his stupid sexy-#this stupid green haired man made me go to ao3 actively seeking his y/n fanfic#and i have to pretend I know which character is which#i'll be like “mmhmm yes i know this bad guy he's a pirate mhmm yes angsty sword fight and OH why are you pantless zoro????” when im reading#but skxhgxjdks ENOUGH i said too much this is so embarassing akdhdjissbsjap#now someone please tell me if they had the same situation like me or im just a weirdooo 😭😭😭😭#asuka speaks#selfship talk
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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Me, at my coworker: I finished both Kyoshi novels. Coworker: Uh oh. How you holding up? Me: I thinking about walking into traffic
#silly talks#silly story time#no this is a legit interaction#they're going to listen to the novels too fkdjsafj;dfa#Me: I have two Yangchen novels left and then maybe the author's two original novels (and roku later this year but by a diff author)#me: but if rangi's not in it then why the fuck should I still be alive??? TT0TT#(I'm currently going through yangchen's now dw i'm not walking anywhere that'd require effort ....that's a joke it's all a joke really dw)#please god please FC Yee I'm on my KNEES#gimme one more Kyoshi novel I BEG TT0TT#I'll take a prequel have kyoshi rangi and yun go on a lil adventure please#maybe it's after they first met! and they're getting to know each other (I just need more Rangi/yun interactions they dont talk a lot TT0TT#and have both rangi/yun vying for Kyoshi's affection at some point and kyoshi is just fucking BLIND about it lksdjflkj it'll be soo funny#I'll take a sequel too! i wanna see what a more established/stable Team Avatar (Kyoshi) is like!#maybe foreshadow more of her path to (near) immortality and chin's rise to power#maybe even get a jump start on the Kyoshi warriors (and maybe her and Rangi finding and adopting Kok? *w* maybe she's the first warrior?)#'silly you just want more rangi and rangshi content' I DO I'M SO FUCKING SOFT ABOUT THEM RN TT0TT#(I'll take a szeto and kuruk novel idc if kuruk's story was basically summarized i'd love to hear more uwu)
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i like literally wish i didnt feel compelled to rewatch and relisten to the same things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again its like actually really annoying and frustrating because i just feel like im constantly stuck in a loop doing the same things over and over but thats just literally what its like being autistic like its just frustrating cos i dont want to have to be constantly fighting with myself over it because its like okay we dont need to get stuck in the daily loop of walking in circles for hours listening to the same songs we've heard 200 times or sitting and watching things we've seen 30 times and there are better ways we could be spending our time but the compulsion is SO strong and its just Omfg like its just annoying and horrible because I have to force myself to try to break out of patterns I wish the constant compulsion I have to do the same things over and over and over and over and OVER AND OVER wasnt there at all because it would make things way easier for me and it just makes me feel so dumb.
#Like please for the love of god can we stop doing the same things over and over and go have new experiences oh my god#And i dont know its hard not to beat myself up constantly#im thinking about how im back into the same thing i was into for literally like 5 years when i was younger and i love it so much but it als#causes me despair because im like so im just spinning my wheels but like having a special interest that brings you joy your whole life is#the whole thing with being autistic and its fine but im just like ughhh UAEGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!#how it feels to go back to your old hyperfixation and its the guy with the chains on his wrists.#anyways omfg sorry that all i do on here is either post autistically about this band or agonize for some reason about being into this band.#if i could just calm the fuck down.#its literally fine but im like soooo im just walking in a circle forever and ever#but if i could just stop feeling guilty for no reason i would be having so much more fun#but the circular/obsessive thought patterns also mean i constantly worry about the same thing . when will i shut up#i just had a bad day because i basically have done nothing but stare at screens and its fine but i feel Aueahehaeufhehweughwhgdjhgdf#Its pathetic though like i have to fight with myself to pause music to even put on a podcast or something and its just so like. oh my god i#a grown adult come on#but i literally will like start an album too and then be like well i cant turn it off i have to listen to the whole thing and ill do that#with 4 albums and just walk and walk and then im like so i wasted 2 hours#etc etc its just god i dont know i feel so frustrated with myself constantly this doesnt have anything to do with a specific thing anymore#its just the general like. i do the same things every day im just stuck in this pattern of behavior constantly it makes me so frustrated#i didnt do Any of the things i actually wanted to try to do today so im just like.#im at least gonna go play guitar for a few hours
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what's fun about figure skating is the tunnel vision. yes i watch it for four hours every weekend. yes i think about the women's singles field at least once a day. yes i have cried at every single competition yet this year. yes the ongoing trajectory of this season haunts my dreams and waking hours <3 no i could not tell you a single thing about the leading pairs and ice dance teams right now <3
#like . i was following rikuriyu last year but with them gone i just ? is pairs real?? i dont know <333#ice dance is kind of real sometimes and piperpaul are my good friends bc i saw them last year but still#thank god leese is so obsessed with mens that i have accumulated at least some knowledge by osmosis#but ALSO. just the sheer TIME.#people who have the time to watch every discipline every competition . fearful 2 behold#me listening to my best friend mark hanratty in the commentator's booth like. is he tired. someone let him out of the rink please.#mark do you see the sun on weekends. mark blink if you need help#fs
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No this show was insane. Floki getting behind Ragnar to face Athelstan looking down at him speaking on his high pitched condescending tone as he judges Ragnar's choice of trusting the priest while testing him because he promised there'd be riches here and there weren't. The framing the silhouettes the vibe. They don't queer bait like this anymore 💥💥💥
#luly talks#and then Athelstan proves he knows and ragnar takes him aside to chat and Floki is looking st them from afar like the psycho ex gf he is#please listen to me for once and if you dont mind gore FLOKI FOUND THE PRIEST#god. grins evily i need to eat him w a spoon as well#HES SO HOT AND FOR WHAAATTTTTT AAAUUGUGHRMBRVR 💥💥💥💥💥#<- past Luly didn't dare say this byt I'm better
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