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idledreams-burninghearts · 1 year ago

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I was trying to wait until I no longer work there to post about what I'm experiencing at work but I need to process it. CW: very heavy topic, trauma dumping, childhood trauma, grooming

I haven't written anything about it because I've been paranoid that Boss is following me on here, reading my posts. But oh well, either I'm paranoid and she won't see this. Or I'm not paranoid and I'm warning you, don't read this. I don't think you're in your stage of healing where you could handle this.

Lol, I gotta stop doing that. Not posting my thoughts and experiences in respect of someone else's feelings. I try to write things down privately in a journal or my notes app. I write letters to friends. It's just not the same as posting on here. Posting on here is like saying. I exist. My experience is valid. Gotta heal out of that people pleasing.

This might be out of order, my brain is weird, I will do my best to be coherent.

So the work environment is very triggering for me right now. The group dynamic is triggering childhood trauma of bullying. Where everyone is "nice" to you but they're making fun of you behind your back. (I trust some folk at work but not everyone) This is how some autistic folk experience bullying.

Like I definitely know they talk about me behind my back. I have had mental episodes that everyone is aware of. I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt by telling myself they are just concerned. I know I'm not an easy person to talk to. I don't trust very easily. But knowing they're talking about me is definitely triggering this bullying trauma. I just wish they would directly ask me, through text or something, not in person.

I am a very emotional person and I really don't want to be emotional at work. I'm in neurocognitive decline and it's very hard for me to hide it right now. (As far as I'm aware there is no definitive new term for autistic burnout, but the autistic community is trying to leave the term burnout behind because allistic folk do not take it as serious as they should because burnout is a very different experience for them. I am calling it neurocognitive decline.) So I wish people would just talk to me in my preferred format if its something serious. They all know I have a hard time with verbal communication. I have been clear about that. But I've masked too well in the past and was going off scripts so well, they of course, don't take that seriously.

But it's not just that. Boss and I trigger each other. She doesn't want to admit it but I can read people's body language and emotions really well. I can tell when I trigger someone.

I really shouldn't have gone to her birthday gathering. It was pretty weird. So when they talked to me about it they said the theme was coyote ugly. I did the best I could with what I had in my closet. But when I met up with everyone they said that changed it to cowboy/cow themed. I didn't care really because they're almost the same and no one was really dressed to that theme anyways. But I could tell I triggered Boss. Boss really does have a lot of internalized fatphobia. She tries so hard to talk herself up (and rightly so, she is gorgeous) but I can tell she doesn't feel it 100%. Which is sad for me to see. I wish she was more confident in herself.

Didn't help how much the others were complimenting me. I could see she didn't like it. And honestly I didn't like it either. Felt like the bullying love bombing, but even without that, I don't really like when people compliment my appearance.

Like I have pretty privilege. There is no denying it. I know how I look, I love how I look, I have no self confidence issues in regards to how I look. But people really don't like it when you tell them to not compliment your appearance. Whenever I tell people that they react in a few ways.

"Just take the compliment. I'm just being nice." (From people of all genders, whether they're attracted to me or not)

They struggle to find a way to compliment me.

Also didn't help how people at the club were looking at me either. She noticed. She has had a very different experience of the world in that regard. She is fat. And the world has been difficult and cruel to her because of it. I see how the world treats her and people like her. It's not right.

I know I triggered her too when she was struggling to make the schedule and I commented "and they say we're not understaffed" and she snapped at me saying "stop saying that! We're not understaffed!" Friend and M were there and saw it and we all exchanged looks but I didn't say anything because I get that this job is stressing her out. Then a few days later she put up a help wanted sign. No apology for her snapping at me. When I bright this up in the meeting with her and K she said that she doesn't remember that, we're not bringing the others into this, she recognized my experience is valid. But still didn't apologize.

So when she was side-eyeing me all night and when she said "skinny people don't even need to try" in a way where she implied she's talking about me but can deny it (she's done this a couple of times at work too and in the meeting with boss and k, boss tried to say that she was just joking. I can tell the difference between a joke and a jab. Even if I don't find the joke funny I can tell what the intent was. It's in the eyes and the mouth. People think they're hard to read but they're not ) all I could think was. I get it. Of course this is how you feel after the world has treated you the way that it has. So I didn't say anything. No one likes being called out on their behavior, which is one reason why I think no one calls me out on mine (I wish they would, I actually like when people call me out on my behavior, work is weird because I don't want to be emotional at work but they can message me about it)

I realized my mental health, my physical health, was impacting everyone at work. I went to Boss and told her. (This was before the meeting with Boss and K, before I said I don't trust Boss in group chat) Hey I'm in burnout. And she responded. We all are. Which I'm still like, none of us should be. But this is when a switch flipped in my head. She's letting her perception of me get in the way of my well-being. That was a trigger. I'll get to that in a second. This is why I'm no longer using burnout to describe my experience. Why I'm using the term neurocognitive decline.

Took her a month to reduce my schedule down to 3 days. I get it, we had inventory and were short staffed. But it still just felt like she wasn't taking me seriously. She said she researched autistic burnout after I told her through group chat that I didn't trust her but I'm sure it was very cursory. Had to have a meeting with Boss and K where I showed them this tiktok. She mentioned that time she researched it. We talked about demoting me from supervisor to just sales associate which yes I was thankful for that. But it still feels like I'm not being taken seriously.

She was talking about how "we" have to manage our triggers (she was talking about me, she's so passive aggressive) she was talking about how "we wanted to be a communist party" (which was another trigger for me, I'll get to that when I talk about her she's specifically triggering me separate out of the group bullying dynamic) but also talking about "don't look at the emails, that's for management only, that information is not for everyone" and "we all need to help out" (how are you going to talk about being a communist party and needing everyone to help out but also keeping us in the dark about stuff and not sharing information?) But the whole meeting just, felt like what this video is talking about.

The last team meeting she was stressed out. I wasn't looking at her because I was having a hard time masking. So I was faced away and looking kinda up at the ceiling and rocking a little bit. I'm sure she was triggered by that too, I think she thought I was ignoring her. But I was listening, it's easier to listen when I'm not also looking. Another reason I didn't want to look at her was because I'm tired of managing her emotions.

I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt to her and see that she's trying to ask people for more help in order to help me out but it also feels like she's using that as a way to fire me if I don't do what she says (I did ask for her to fire me in a way that i can collect unemployment, I talk about it a bit further down, I just can't trust her)

I also think she thinks I'm not eating the food she brings to the meetings because I am not being a team player or because I don't like her or something along those lines. No, the food makes me sick. I've been having a hard time eating food because of my neurocognitive decline (mind, body, soul, all connected) and I see how hard it is for her to accommodate me and I'm not gonna force her too. She doesn't have to. She's having a hard time. She can do what she can do. I don't have hard feelings about that.

Another thing that frustrates me is that it feels like she's trying to treat everyone the same when we're not all the same, we're not all capable of doing everything or doing everything the same way and after the meeting I did hear Boss say to M that she feels like the new hires help out more than the older workers and like do you still not get that I'm in neurocognitive decline??? Do you not get that we also know this company doesn't give a shit about us? Where is your communist spirit, I thought we were a communist party?

Another thing she mentioned in that meeting was how we can't call out or go home early for no reason. I know that is referencing me too. I have been calling out and going home early pretty often lately. Because I am in neurocognitive decline. But I think she was upset that a few days prior to this I had left home early. And how I left. I had texted her if I could go home early. She did not reply. I called her from the work phone. She did not answer. I told my ma what time she would be getting into work so she could pick me up when I asked her to go home early. So when Boss got into work she saw my ma was there. When I asked if I could leave she said "yea, your mom is waiting for you already". Like she really doesn't understand what I'm going through if she's thinking I'm going home just because I want to

Anyways. Back to how she mentioned "we need to manage our triggers" and how she was talking about me. And this relates to why I think she's following me on here. So before the meeting (the day before? A few days before?) I had written a post on here about how I noticed I was having a meltdown one a month. I had also written this post after I had talked to HR about a certain light causing migraines and how the District Manager said ALL lights need to remain on and that the company provides ibuprofen. HR backed her up and said it was OSHA and company policy. I tried looking up OSHA regulations and only found "1915.82(a)(1) The employer shall ensure that each work area and walkway is adequately lighted whenever an employee is present." Which doesn't state all lights need to be on, only that it needs to be adequately lit.

But what really made me think that she's following me on here is after I had posted about issues at work and with her but I said she was still like a creative and amazing person (in tags of this post), I don't think she's a bad person (still don't btw, sometimes there are just people you can't have in your life because your issues conflict with each other) and then at work she explained to me her issues with her mom. How she had pretty privilege and other things. And in my head, I'm just like, she read the post and I knew I was triggering issues with her mom (maybe of another person too, childhood "friend" perhaps? If I'm not being paranoid and she is following me I have to think it's for a reason, she might just be trying to protect herself from experiencing the same thing she has before, idk) and this is also what led to me not trusting her besides her not taking me seriously when I said I was in burnout.

So if I'm not paranoid I'm assuming Boss thinks me doing that was me having a meltdown or that I was triggered. Nope. The meltdown referenced in that post had nothing to do with work. I was thinking clearly when I was messaging with HR. That was also me self-regulating. Turns out I'm a PDA autistic. (I prefer Persistent Drive for Autonomy, that feels more correct for me than Pathological Demand Avoidance. And this has also created problems between Boss and I because I have been unintentionally engaging in Equalizing Behavior (I realize after) and allistic don't like that, they need their hierarchy)

Another thing that makes me think she's following me on here is because in the meeting with Boss and K, she said she wasn't micromanaging which was not a word I used in the meeting but I did use it in the tags of the same post

I know I've typed in the tags of a few posts that I wish I could just collect unemployment and then K started talking about her getting unemployment because of her 2nd job and when I said I wished I could get unemployment she very carefully said to talk to Boss about it and that Boss might just be uncomfortable firing a "friend". The whole interaction felt suspicious but I played along and said sure. Talked to Boss about it with K present and Boss was also very careful with her response. Could just be because she's trying to be careful of her position and be careful with me since I said I don't trust her. Like again, I am hoping that I'm paranoid about all of this. But it's so hard for me to trust her right now. Didn't help that in that meeting she said she'd talk to her lawyer friend because I couldn't be fired for insubordination and that we'd come up with a plan. Well, she never talked to me about a plan. And one time I called out for being sick and the next day B texted me asking if I was still feeling unwell and if I would be staying home. I said I was not gonna make it in and she said that she texted Boss to let her know. Then Boss tried to give me a write-up for it because I didn't tell her but I said I didn't because B did and I pulled up the message where she said so and she seemed frustrated (hoping because she was trying to help me but she knows I don't trust her and idk why she won't let me in on her plan. But this has been a huge issue for me working with her too. She thinks she communicates well but she does not, at least not with me. And I mirror communication styles so I know to her it seems like I don't communicate well)

It's also hard to trust her about this because she told employees that write-ups are back for everyone. Like I asked to be fired in a way I could collect unemployment, you didn't need to bring write-ups back for everyone. Why are you continuing to treat us all the same when we're not. And I don't mean treat us all the same as equivalent to treating us equal. Those are two different things for me. Treat us all equal, yes, but we all have different needs and capabilities so don't treat us all the same. She's leaning into the reasons I can't trust her.

This part is what I think I'm being most paranoid about (at least really hoping I'm being paranoid about, it would be extremely fucked up if I'm not being paranoid about it) so when I was confused about my feelings for Mrs Heartstrings (gotta find a new name for her, will just refer to her as Friend, same Friend mentioned earlier) I did kinda tell Boss. I was confused about if she was flirting with me or just being kind and none of my friends that I talked to about it could offer any insight because they have never met her (well, Strawhat Friend did, but very momentarily and no interaction between us) and so one day I asked Boss if she could tell if a person was flirting with me (I showed her a screenshot of a text message that was cropped to remove names) and that the person was married but I wasn't sure if they were poly or not. She asked me where I met her and I froze. She said I didn't have to answer and I didn't. But she's smart. I'm sure she figured it out. But after that it seemed like everyone was talking Friend up. "Friend is so amazing!" was said to me multiple times to the point where I started responding "I know???" And I remember this time where a few coworkers kinda stood around her and said something like "Friend is autistic" and she made a pose and it just seemed very ta-da! And I think I just responded with "I know?" But I thought "I know" "are y'all showing her off?" "What's going on here?" "Sorry I'm not the right kind of autistic" (that last one I thought because I had been saying I'm too autistic for this job so I was hoping it was related to that and not what I was being suspicious about) I really hope I'm being paranoid about this part because even if they tell themselves it was a "joke" it's fucked up and led to me having a spiral. I prefer to spiral just because I'm fucked up and not because someone is messing with me.

Okay. So now to the part where I talk about her triggering me. If I'm not being paranoid and Boss is reading this, you are really gonna want to stop reading at this point. You really aren't in the right place of your healing journey to read this.

So she has called the team meetings "family dinner" and has called us a family, which was extremely triggering for me and not just because that is a corporate tactic to get employees to work harder for them.

She doesn't communicate well, she's been changing a lot of things at work and how we do things which would be fine except she doesn't explain them properly or at all, or will explain it to someone else who will explain it to me but still without the necessary information my autistic brain needs to actually be able to do it. Like this.

One, she never talked to me about this. K did. But it didn't make sense to my autistic brain to print out the shipment manifest in a way that wasted ink and paper because it included a lot of items that weren't actually shipped to us. It has a lot of items with 0 at the end of it. And in the system all you have to do is press one button, twice, to change the format in the system to show the items listed from greatest to least amount of items sent. I printed upcoming shipments like that so it would only be like 2-5 pages long instead of like 10+ pages long. I saved the digital version in the bookmark bar of both internet browsers on the computer. I told K about it and she said no one else would want to do that work and I said no one else has to, y'all can do it your way when you print up the shipment list because I know we're all different. After that is when Boss wrote that in the pass down log. And now that I'm no longer a supervisor, I saw how they are doing the shipment list. They are using what comes in the shipment. Which is exactly how I was prepping it anyways. And she has not apologized because she didn't tell me directly so she has the excuse that she wasn't talking about me. When yes she was.

No explanation for why that way is better. Does not want to communicate about it. She just wants to tell us to do something and she just wants us to do it no questions asked. And so passive aggressive. I know she's talking about me. (Why can't she just talk to me directly. I know I'm hard to talk to. But if it's work related that is very easy to talk about. Just talk to me directly so I can mirror your communication style and I can be direct back.) Very triggering for me. And the next shipment they printed out their way I just could not do it because of my pda profile and because of being triggered and because it just does not make sense to me. I couldn't do it and said as much. (In the meeting with Boss and K and Boss said "we already let you do what you want to do" which was so frustrating for me because what I want to do is my job, but she still doesn't get that I'm in neurocognitive decline and I'm just trying to do what I can do.) Honestly since messaging HR about the OSHA thing it has been a bit easier for me to work because I'm motivated by spite (to the company, not even Boss) now. I want to cause problems for the company but just let them try to fire me without it looking like retaliation. I do my job. I am being nice to people. Trying to talk. It probably doesn't seem enough, I'm wearing a more manageable mask, it's not as upbeat and social and I know because of everything going on they think I'm being upset at them when I really just don't have the energy or capacity. I'm sure some people are taking it personally.

Another thing that triggered me was when she said "I'm always watching" talking about how she looks over the security camera footage. I talked to her about this in the meeting but I'm not sure if she gets it or not because this is what she put in the report she typed up.

Like I'm not triggered by the cameras being there (although I do hate that we live in a surveillance state) I'm triggered by what she said. And she speaks corporate very well. She knows how this is gonna make me look. I'm looking to get out of there anyways so whatever. But then it was funny that after she submitted this she posted in the group chat that management was looking at the cameras more "for some reason"

But she could just be covering her own ass too. In the meeting she said she was taking notes so she could type up the report. Later I had asked for a copy, now I wonder if she actually meant that or if she did that allistic thing where they say things they don't mean. Like how hard is it to say, I'm taking notes so I know what to respond to without interrupting you? I signed it without reading too, but because I wanted the copy for myself and to show friends. I'm sure she thought I wanted it to get her in trouble. Or maybe she still doesn't get it. She's never really been able to listen and understand me. It's just an allistic/autistic communication issue (I need to be more direct again, I stopped as a kid because people really don't like it)

Another way she triggered me was by taking away autonomy. She said that staff can't rearrange the merch without asking for permission from a supervisor or her, the manager. So one day I'm putting product out but there's no space. I have to rearrange the wall. I was a supervisor at the time so I just gave myself permission. She then changed it to where no one could rearrange the wall without asking for her permission.

Another thing she does that triggers me is that she is not clear with her instructions. In a team meeting she said that people were cleaning too slowly so I sped up how I cleaned. Then things weren't being cleaned well enough (like no shit, cleaning is either going to be cleaned fast OR thoroughly. Not both) and that caused a bit of a melt down for me (not in the meeting).

And in the meeting Boss was like "sorry I'm triggering memories of a friend" and I was just like, she wasn't a friend. Like, yes, in the group dynamic it reminds me of childhood bullying. But her on her own, of these things I've just listed.

The person and memories she is triggering is of Ms. A. Ms. A is the reason I look people in the eye and the reason I don't visibly stim. She forced me to look people in the eyes, she forced me to be still. Good kids are neither seen nor heard. I couldn't be visibly autistic. And I don't feel like I can be autistic with Boss. Ms. A forced me to clean her house and look after the younger kids. Boss makes me feel like I have to do more than I'm able to, regardless of my disability and she gives "reasonable accommodations". Ms. A gave no privacy. Boss said she's always watching. Ms. A always said we were family when we weren't, she was our "caregiver", she was paid to take care of us but she didn't. Boss called the team meetings "family dinner" but we're not family. I have a hard time thinking we're all friends. Boss tried to say we're a communist party when she can't even give me the accommodations I need, feels like she's trying to use what she knows about me as a way to get me to comply. Ms. A is the reason I don't like talking about the things I like with people because she used it against me as a form of control. She groomed me (and the other kids) for her father.

So that's why I can't really talk to her directly about this. Like how do you tell someone, "hey your behavior reminds me of my groomer"? And why I couldn't properly vent this out here in case she is seeing my posts. If I'm not paranoid about that... I hope she heeded my warning and didn't read this.

Like, I don't think Boss is grooming me to be sexually assaulted. But it sure does feel like she's grooming me to be a good little employee for corporate. Do as I say no questions asked. No transparency, keeping people out of the loop.

Honestly if I'm not being paranoid and she is following me here that's another trigger that reminds me of my groomer. No privacy.

Like I miss my old manager. When I was promoted I was uncomfortable with the position because I don't like being in a position of power over people but she told me it wasn't a position of power, it was a position of responsibility. And I vibe hard with that. But current Boss. She does not take the same approach. I can't work for her. I need to get out of there. She will never not trigger me as long as I'm working under her.

I also remember a time where Boss and Friend and I were supposed to hang out but I had to cancel because my cat died. I was of course really sad that my cat died, but there was a part of me that was relieved I didn't have to hang out with them because I really felt (and feel) uncomfortable around Boss. Like that's how bad I am doing with all of this. Although I do think I'm doing pretty well at work considering everything I'm going through.

And the possibility of Boss following me on here is why I'm not talking about my latest mental health issue and what I think it is. Because she's not a safe person for me to be autistic around. She is definitely not a safe person for me to be that kind of mentally ill around, especially if I'm working for her.

Like I get its been hard for people to deal with me while I've been in neurocognitive decline (honestly it started once we were bought out). It's not just her that is the issue. I know I'm part of the issue too. But I can't work for her.

I don't want to talk about this at work because there is no space and time to properly communicate this without it seeming like I'm gossiping. And I don't want to turn anyone against her. I don't want to take her community away from her. She needs them. I don't. I have friends.

I am honestly overwhelmed by how many friends I have. I do think I needed to experience this and am kinda grateful for this experience. It really reminded me of who my friends are and which relationships I need to work on. Kinda thinking about having a picnic with friends when I'm not working here anymore and feeling a bit better.

I also know I can be a heavy person because I focus so much on my depression and how much I don't want to be alive. And people don't want to focus on that, they don't want me to focus on that. But I need to. I need to problem solve. I need to figure out why I'm feeling this way. So I can change and grow. Can't do that if I'm ignoring the problem.

But anyways, yea, whether I'm paranoid or not, I can't work here. Either way, the situation is not great. No real accommodations and my neurocognitive decline is not taken seriously.

I feel like writing this up here has already helped me process this a bit and hopefully I can work on it more with this week off. I'm sure there are things that I'm forgetting but this is already really long.

#idle posting #this is really long #hopefully all the links work #some people say things better than i can so hopefully it helps people understand #work shit

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pbandjesse · 1 year ago

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For some reason I have a cough. But only at home. I didn't cough at all at camp. I don't understand it. But it made my sleep last night kind of suck.

After I did my post I did some stuff around the apartment. Cleaned some critters from the frog tank. I poked around for a while. I had a yogurt. I texted James about how much I missed them. And I went to sleep.

But I had a lot of dreams. About dinosaurs? And a theme park? And I woke myself up coughing and was so tired. I woke up at 6 and was in and out for a while. But eventually my alarm went off and I got up.

I wasn't thrilled. I didn't feel great. But I would shake it off and honestly felt really cute and felt more like myself.

I left here and went to the Y. Jeniya was running late and literally ran towards my car when she got there. Again Dame didn't answer if he was coming. So after 5 minutes we left. He would text me later that he was sorry and he didn't feel good. I hope he's alright.

We got to camp on time. And I was thrilled when there was still scrambled eggs. Which made me feel a lot better. The protein was needed.

And I really enjoyed this morning workshop. We learned about diversity, equity, and inclusion and the speaker was awesome. Such a soothing voice and the presentation was excellent. I also got 4 squares done. Which brings me to 61 squares! I will have to pick up more yarn soon.

Celia forgot to set an alarm and was very stressed when she got there but it was nice to have a friend. Callie was there too but she was sitting with Annabelle and I was feeling weirdly isolated today. It would get better when I was back in my space but I was struggling being in the whole group and feeling very much. Alone.

Lunch was kind of not fun. The workshop was over at noon and I had my class with the feildtrips group at 1. Which was fine but I wasn't sure about lunch. If it wasn't worth it, like if it wasn't a food I wanted, I would just go work up in the art building.

So I waited until 1230. They started putting things out and I was like. Let me go ask about the vegetarian option. Which is what we have been told to do. So I go in and gave an absolutely bizarre interaction. The first worker was like oh ask the man in the back. So I do and he keeps asking me what group I'm with. I do not understand so I say I work at camp? And he's like but what group?? And I was like I'm not with a group? And he gets frustrated and says vegetarians are eating the same as the kids, a stir fry. And I'm like okay, thanks. I can clearly see onions, plus his tone upset me. Like tears immediately to my eyes. So I said okay that's fine, just checking. I have a class to go teacher. And left.

I stopped and just took fries, even though they didn't get everything out yet. I was mad and upset. And I just walked in the rain and ate my fries and tried not to cry.

I went to tell Celia, who was in the nature building cleaning, what happened. And she was like. That sucks. And I was like right? Telling someone made me feel a little better. But I decided I would also tell the office. Because we are supposed to be having vegetarian options that are the same as what everyone else is having. And Heather agreed that it wasn't correct and then Alexi said it might be a delivery issue. She said the onion thing she would make a note of. I just don't want to have an upset stomach. I'm finally starting to feel better after whatever hurt me on the 1st. I don't want it to happen again. Alexi said she might just have them make me special Jesse plate with no onions. Which makes me feel like I'm asking to much, but she said that I'm not asking, that she's offering. And it still makes me a little uncomfortable but we will see what happens.

My classes this afternoon were fun. The rain picked up and it was loud. But they all did so good! And learning sewing was so good.

The only issue was that one of the girls got into the new oil paint markers. And I was like oh please don't use those! They are new! And she went to put it back but in the two minutes they were being used a cap was lost. And I was just so bummed. They all spent ike 15 minutes trying to find it but it seems to be gone. Never even got to use them before that happened. I put the market in a ziplock so hopefully it'll be useable for a while. The little girl kept apologizing and felt really bad. And I was sad but I told her I don't hold any ill will. Things happen.

One little girl kept telling me I was a vibe and how cool I was and that was nice. She was struggling with sewing because she was clearly a perfectionist. But I got her through some tough moments and it made me feel successful. And the chaperones made a point of complimenting my patience. I have pretty endless patience for kids. It's just when a group is large and loud when I can't always power through. But I was happy and the group was happy and that was nice.

One of the chaperones also worked on making a pillow because he forgot his and that was very funny. He did a good job for his first time sewing!! Even if he kept trying to get me to do it and I was just like. No.

After they left me I went to check in at the office. And then it was just parent/camper open house tours. So I went up to the arts building and took a half hour break. I had a snack. I swept. I watched videos about the missing sub. They heard knocking on sonar today. They have less then 12 hours of air left.

I texted Celia and asked if she needed help. I would head down there and help her move the chickens around so she could change their hay. It smelled terrible. But I was glad to help. I also swept the building before heading back ho to arts.

I worked on some examples. And around 6 I texted Jeniya and asked if she was ready to go.

We left and the storm was getting bad. Peiplee ere driving terribly. In the middle of two lanes, swerving, turn signals on for miles. Plus my phone wouldn't connect to the car and so it was a quiet ride. We shared my snack. Talked about our moms and how important they are to us. And then I dropped her off.

When I got home James had stuffed shells for me. I was so happy to see them. I missed them very much. They would play DND while I laid on the couch. And eventually they joined me. I told them about my day. They told me about theirs. And eventually I went and took a shower.

Now we are in bed. Tomorrow I have my CPR and first aid class. The scary in person part. And then we are all sleeping at camp. I hope it's fun. I hope it's just a good time for all of us.

Sleep well everyone. Take care of yourselves. Goodnight!!

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lauralifeleaf · 2 years ago

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Another Problem: Chapter 15

Hey, sorry for the long wait! I've not been doing good mentally, and it has caused me to procrastinate a ton. I am thankfully doing much better but still struggling. I hope to get back into this more next year so I can write something more for you all. That being said, please be patient when it comes to chapter updates. I have a life outside this, and I only can write when I have the energy and time. Before you ask, no one has been giving me a hard time, just myself, which is sadly normal behavior for me. I feel bad when I can't update or do anything I enjoy, and it makes me worry I'm letting you all down. Luckily, I am out of the little stump I created and back into writing this weird story. I plan to add more filler chapters (cause why not) to expand on some of the other's backstories before the present time. Also, to remind you all, you can ask me questions about my AU or OCs. Don't be shy just to come by and say hello as well. Anywho, enough of me rambling. Enjoy! <3 Laura

The rest of the lunch break was nice, besides the teasing remarks from Roxanne and Penny. However, I had a witty comeback that shocked the others before some burst out in laughter while others stared in shock. It was nice to be back and to see everyone interact with each other. I wish I could break out of my shell and be confident like them, but it takes time. Maybe with the new job, I can start boosting my confidence.

I waved the others farewell, grabbed my things, and began heading to the daycare. I decided to take the tunnels as I needed the time to myself before I helped entertain kids for the rest of the day and a break from the bright lights. Other than the occasional sounds of S.T.A.F.F. bots patrolling and pipes hissing, it helped collect my thoughts on things I needed to do before I go rest later tonight. I decided to check my to-do list on my phone that I was given while I continued walking through the tunnels.

"Let's see... make sure the rock wall is safe, fix one of the light fixtures in the West Arcade, and fix one of the ball dispensers in Gator Golf. I'll save Gator Golf for last so I can check one rock wall," I told myself as I turned the corner. Unfortunately, I bumped into someone, making them fall and me to stumble. "Oh, sorry! I wasn't paying attention." I lent a hand and helped the worker up. I heard a scoff from them before they mumbled, "Oh. It's you. Surprised they fucking let something like your ugly ass stay online."

My ears drooped at the harsh words, making my mechanical heartache. "Please refrain from swearing while you're working, ma'am. We may be away from guests, but it's better not to make a habit of it," I reminded them with a fake smile, unable to stop my automated response. "Whatever, weirdo. What are you doing down here? You need a checkup or something?" they asked coldly. I shook my head, "No, ma'am. I was on my way to the daycare to help the attendants until closing." "Good. 'Cause I already have enough on my plate." They then bumped into me purposely as they walked away.

After turning the corner, I could unwillingly hear their insults about me. Their female friend, who was registered as Karla, snickered, "Yeah, Jackie. She's not even good enough to be considered an entertainer. Honestly, it makes the others look like a joke. How could the company want to make someone like a scaredy cat that could cause an accident to be an entertainer? She's not even good to look at! What a weak excuse for an android!" They then laughed as they walked around the corner, leaving me alone in the dark hallway.

I felt tears wanting to escape my eyes as I sniffled quietly. I then hugged myself to comfort myself. I continued to walk to the daycare in silence. This was sadly a regular occurrence for me with some of the female staff during the later hours of the plex being open. They had caused me to be more insecure about my appearance than I already am. They always joked about my appearance regardless of who was in earshot. The rumors didn't help either.

It wasn't my fault I was built like this. To enjoy and do things that others could consider childish. To only eat specific foods and drinks. How I couldn't sit completely still no matter how hard I tried. I was just built this way.

Freddy always told me that I shouldn't be ashamed of being myself. It's not that I'm ashamed of being myself; it was more of a fear of being judged. Now that I would be an entertainer, I would have to deal with the constant stares more.

Honestly, I didn't know what caused others to treat me differently. I had always been nice to others and never caused any issues to make them act this way. At least to my knowledge. Was it something I said to someone or just out of spite?

I had asked the twins about it, not wanting to bother Freddy or the others, without going into too much detail. They said that it also happens to them from time to time. The only difference between them and me is that they know why they are treated that way while I'm left in the dark.

I felt my bag shuffle, causing me to escape my depressing thoughts. Chip's head poked out, and his fur looked like someone with a bedhead. He yawned before climbing up my bag strap to ride on my shoulder. He nuzzled my cheek, making me smile a bit, "Hey, bud. How was your nap?" He looked at me and shrugged as we arrived at some stairs. He could tell that something had happened but chose not to ask.

It wasn't long before I heard the familiar jingle of the daycare theme. I shook off the encounter from earlier as best as I could, knowing that Sun and Moon would ask why I looked sad as I opened the doors leading to the outside of the daycare area. It wasn't too crowded, but still busy enough that I struggled to navigate through the crowd. Then, making sure my rimless shades were on and I was calm, I walked toward the daycare entrance.

According to some pictures I've seen in the museum in Rockstar Row, the daycare got a massive remodel. The daycare doorway now had stars scattered across the wooden door, and the handles were decorated with a sun and moon to match the attendants. In addition, the inside had been decked out with all sorts of things to keep the children busy and happy. There were more slides, jungle gyms, and a space pirate-themed playground in one of the corners. It also had a designated area for naptime with pillow forts, beanbags, and stars. It was appropriately named Naptime Palace, which I thought was cute. The only thing kept the same was the ball pit under the balcony.

I smiled as I heard the children's laughter from behind the door. "You ready for the chaos?" I jokingly said as I gently grabbed Chip to hold as a plushy. He looked up at me in confusion, making me giggle. "Act like your a plush for a bit. I know you don't like being carried like this, but I wanna surprise them," I explained to him as I grabbed the door.

Chip nodded as I opened the door, going limp to appear like a plush. I closed the door before I heard the sound of bells in the distance. I looked over at the desk and saw Mia typing on the computer in front of her. "Hi, Mia!" She turned her head and smiled before walking over to me. "Violet! Finally back from your grand adventure?" I nodded, knowing she was referring to my lockdown. "Yeah. It was quite lonely and depressing, to say the least, but I'm glad to be back."

Mia frowned a bit, "They didn't mistreat you, did they?" I shook my head and faked a smile, "Not at all. I just got stuck with my thoughts, which took a toll on me. Nothing to worry about." Before Mia could push any further, a group of kids saw me. "Ms. Violet!" I turned to the group and smiled, "Hello! How is everyone?" They all shouted good as my ears wiggled in delight. "I am glad to hear."

They all began to bombard me with questions, speaking over each other as I stood there, overwhelmed by the amount of attention. I was luckily saved when Chip got fed up with being a plushie and broke free from my grasp, scaring Mia and surprising the children. "Whoa! Cool!" a young boy around six exclaimed going looking at Chip.

"Let me introduce you to Chipper, or Chip as he prefers to be called. He doesn't have a voice like you and me, but he does understand what we say." Chip fixed his fur before bowing to the kids. "What does he do?" I smiled, "Well, he helps takes care of me. We all know how I can be a bit clumsy sometimes." The kids giggled as Chip made a silly face.

Mia clapped, "Okay, everyone! Now that our surprise guest is here, you know what that means?" "Arts and Crafts time!" Sunny popped out of nowhere, making me jump as the kids cheered. The kids and Mia headed towards the crafts area as Sunny brought me into a hug, "Good afternoon, Starlight!" I giggled, "Hey, Sunny. How is your day going so far?"

"Super duper! Moony and I haven't fought once. Though it might be due to Moony inviting Ms. Mia to watch a movie tonight," he whispered excitingly, putting me down. "Oh? Is that allowed? I know she's your assistant and everything, but isn't it against the rules to have day staff stay overnight?" I asked curiously. "I made sure to inform Officer Vanessa about Ms. Mia staying tonight. Even if Moony still thinks we can't trust her."

I tilted my head in confusion at the comment. It's not that it was a surprise for Moon to trust others, but I found this weird. Like Monty, Moon hated Vanessa with a passion. I never understood why, but I didn't feel like asking since it wasn't my business.

"That sounds like fun. Will you be joining them?" I asked as Chip hopped onto my bag. Sunny nodded as he grabbed my hand, "Now, enough about me, how about you? How are you, Starlight?" I walked with him to where everyone was and sat down on the padded floor, "It's been okay. I got to meet Bonnie."

I opened my bag and heard Sun dramatically gasp as he sat down, "He's back?!" I smiled and nodded as I got out my sketchbook and a pencil. "And he didn't even bother to come to meet us?" I jumped slightly as I turned to see Moon coming from his station. He snickered before sitting beside me, "Good to see that you haven't changed much." I sighed as I smiled, opening my sketchbook. "Nice to see you too, Moon. How did last night go?"

I felt him glare at me, "None of your business." Me and Sun giggled as Moon blushed in embarrassment. It was quiet for a bit before Moon cupped my face and forced me to look at him. "How long did you rest last night?" I lowered my ears in embarrassment as Sun looked at Moon. "Now, brother, you can't just-"

"Three hours." A huge frown appeared on their faces as they looked at me. While Moon was more of a disappointment, Sun was with concern and worry. "Starlight. You need to rest, or else your battery will get ruined," Sunny whispered, trying not to draw attention to the kids around us. "I'm fine, Sunny. I just had to deal with Chip's aftermath after everyone left. He wasn't too fond of me not giving him much attention last night. It wasn't my fault I crashed on the sofa instead of my bed," I whispered as I removed Moon's hands from my face.

"After you help me with naptime, you're taking a nap. No exceptions. No excuses," Moon stated sternly as Mia walked over with art supplies for the twins. I pouted, "But-" "I'll let you use my beanbag."

I looked at him in shock before my eyes lit up. Moon never let anyone use his beanbag, not even Sun. It was a dark blue with stars and planets printed on the fabric. It was a seat for him, but it was big enough to sleep in for someone my size.

"Wait, really?!" He sighed as he saw me basically vibrating in my seat, "Only if you actually recharge and rest." I nodded excitedly as I opened my sketchbook to the page I was working on last night. It was a rough sketch of a dragon emerging from a cave with smoke surrounding it.

Grabbing the pencil I had gotten, I began adding details to the drawing. I could feel Sunny trying to peek a quick look, making me cover up the sketch. "Come on, Starlight! Can I pretty please have a look?" he pleaded with puppy eyes. I blushed and shook my head, "I'm not ready to share yet. Soon, but not yet."

Sunny smiled as he patted my head comfortingly as he went back to his little art project. I sighed in relief at him dropping the subject. Though part of me wanted to share what I drew, it was more of a challenge than performing in front of others. Though, I should try getting out of my shell since I won't have as much privacy anymore.

I stopped drawing, turned to an old drawing I made a while ago, and gently tore the page out. Next, I turned it upside down and slid it next to the glitter glue Sun was using. I then turned to another page, did the same thing, and slid it to Moon. "Here."

They both looked at me in confusion as a shade dusted my cheeks and ears. Sun, being curious, turned the paper around, and his eyes went wide. It was a drawing of him in his jester outfit and sun headband, sitting on the balcony above the ball pit. He was silent as he studied the illustration.

In one of the corners was a miniature cartoon version of his old look that I was able to find in the museum. Sunny then hurriedly took Moon's paper, much to his quiet protest, and looked at it with a smile. It was the same, but instead of his being on the balcony, it was on his beanbag. The cartoon version of Moon, however, gave more of gremlin vibes.

"I-I drew these a while back. I wanted to give it to you both as a thanks for dealing with my weird behavior, but anxiety got the better of me," I explained as I played with my hair anxiously. Sun hand Moon his drawing before bringing me into a big tight hug. He began babbling about how amazing it looked as I smiled in relief.

"You sure have changed since we last were together. You never showed us any of your drawings before," Moon commented in suspension. "Since I'm going to be in the crowd's eye more, I thought I would start getting out of my comfort zone and test myself. After all, I probably won't be getting any more privacy from now on." Moon studied my face before standing up, most likely to start mentally getting ready for naptime. "Just don't push yourself too hard, okay? Can't have my favorite weirdo getting hurt anymore," he teased as he ruffled my hair.

I whined as he chuckled at me fixing my hair with a playful pout. "See you in ten, shorty. Hope you have a song prepared for naptime." Moon walked away towards Naptime Palace, holding the drawing in his hand. I plopped my head down on the table as I relaxed my nerves before helping Sun and Mia with the kids.

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whydousernamesevenexist · 3 months ago

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could you give me some advice? i'm sorry to bother you but i don't know who else to ask other than random strangers on tumblr... you can ignore this if you want

so basically a majority of the people ik (my friends, classmates, etc) are toxic as hell. they piss me off so bad, they're the embodiment of cringe culture, yet their humor is being racist, sexist and supporting 🍇. my girl friends act like the entire world revolves around them and talk shit abt people, and my guy friends don't know when to stop.

my father is always angry for no reason and acts like it's never him in the wrong. when i justify myself, he cuts in and yells at me. just recently, my school had a sports day and my father didn't come even though i told him about it. i mentioned back home that some of my friends parents are super nice and he asked why they were there, and i mentioned the sports day. he then started yelling at me because i 'didn't tell her', even though i seriously did. i told my whole family. i told them about how i was excited for the running and the long jump and the handball games, and he forgot and he told me that i was a gaslighter. he's the one i hate the most.

the one person i don't hate talking to is my best friend, my real one. not the one that says she's my best friend and hates me all at the same time. i've told him about my classmates and he gave some pretty solid suggestions, but after my father scolded my a few days ago, and told me i was hiding secrets, i've been scared to talk to him in case they ask to look at the chat and see that yes, i do swear. i know what 🍇 is, and i'm not homophobic and i'm not racist. they'd know i hate them, and hate my 'friends' who have 'done so much for me'

what do i do? i need an outlet for all of these feelings, but any outlet i have, i'd get yelled at for. a personal diary would be read, because 'there shouldn't be anything they aren't allowed to see in there'. my best friend swears and i do too, tumblr has lgbtq+ community (they're homophobic), all socmeds are stained to death with things they shouldn't see.

i don't want to 'stay away' from everyone either. my parents expect me to be always warm, friendly, chatty, smily, and people hate the introverts at my school.

if you decide to respond, please be quick. i have to go soon.

Hello! I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I don't really understand your struggles, because I personally don't have a desire for friendships, but I think I can imagine at least a little how you're feeling.

As for your classmates I have no advice, that is really shitty, and I don't think it can be fixed.

I'm really sorry that your parents are like this, yeah, I can relate. I'm sure you did great on your sports day! For that I unfortunately don't have any advice either, I just act real nice in front of my parents, say "thank you" and "please" and "I'm sorry" after every second word, and I somehow managed to not let them catch me associating with the LGBTQ+ community.

I hope you can reconnect with your best friend soon, it sounds like he really helps you :)

For parents reading your things… yeah, I don't know either. Maybe a burner phone? Though I've never had one, so I don't know, plus you'd have to give away a significant portion of your money, and your parents could notice and question you. Or maybe start learning a new language, so they wouldn't understand you? I really don't know.

I really wish you the best <333

#anon ask #anon #ask

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robinofgothamcity · 3 years ago

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♡ "the next time i see you, it'll be in hell" / "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me"

♡ pairing: connor kent (superboy/RotS) x fem! reader

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / i was listening to 'esa hembra es mala' by gloria trevi so if you do speak spanish, that's a song rec while you read this fic. if you don't, listen to 'hermit the frog' by marina instead!

"connor please, you're giving ME a headache and it's only seven in the morning," his friend, jake, spoke as his hands covered his face, "wait, shut up, who is that?" connor asked, seeing you with a few friends.

jake sighed, "that's ( your name )," he spoke softly, "she's friends with everyone here. some like her, some can't stand her. it all depends on how she feels with you." you were schools resident 'popular' girl and had a bit of a following among your class.

"i'm gonna go talk to her," connor said. his friends eyes widened, "connor no!" jake screamed, grabbing his friend and pulling him back, "she's a complete bitch, don't do it!" jake exclaimed as he could tell that everything he was saying was going over connor's head.

you fixed the newspaper that had superboy's face plastered on the cover, "i just think that superboy could beat robin if i'm being honest. PLUS he's attractive because you can actually see his face," the day old conversation between you and your friends about who was the better sidekick struck up again and anyone who knew you knew how much you adored superboy.

"hey ladies," you turned to look at the boy, confused on who he was as you had never seen him around school. you gave him a small smile, "uh, hi?" you asked, "do i know you?"

the boy who approached you was wearing sunglasses which threw you off considering your school didn't allow anyone to wear them inside the building. you looked to his other friend, recognizing him as someone you had in your Calc class.

"just wanted to introduce myself, i'm connor," he said, giving you a sly smirk. you shook his hand, half awkwardly, "please i'm ( your name )," you replied as you saw the way connor gave jake a wink, "is there something you wanted or?" you asked again, not knowing why he was still here.

"no, just wanted to say hi to my future girlfriend," you let out a laugh, catching everyone off guard, "please, as if," you replied as you grabbed your friends and walked away, kind of taken back by the new boy.

"he was kinda cute," one of your friends said as you rolled your eyes, "uh, not really? kinda weird if you ask me," you replied, looking down at the newspaper, "well, i'm going to class, see ya," you said, walked towards your AP Lit class.

you sat down in the front, immediately talking to the friends you had in the class. it wasn't even five minutes later when connor entered the class, immediately smirking when he saw you. you growled, instantly annoyed at his expression.

"ah, so you've met the resident new boy?" you nodded as your friend giggled, "he's really nice. made more than a friends already," she said as you shrugged, "okay and? he had a lot of nerve coming up to me and telling me i'd be his future girlfriend," you replied.

she let out a belting laugh, "yeah, he told meghan from fifth period the same thing," you saw connor walking up to your desk and before he could make himself comfortable next to you, you instantly put your leg on the chair, "don't even think about it," you said, not even looking at him, "the desk in the back is available though," you smirked as you watched your teacher roll her eyes at your attitude.

connor bent down to your level, "don't gotta be so hostile, sweetheart, i know you like me," he whispered before getting up and leaving.

your friend, looked at you, laughing at disbelief at both of your attitudes. you rolled your eyes, trying to pay attention to the discussion as you could feel connor's eyes on you almost the entire time.

throughout the weeks and going into months, your relationship with connor didn't change. he arguably became the biggest pain your ass from the beginning of the day until the final bell rang. he managed to befriend a few of your friends which meant that you were around him at times.

you sipped your coffee as you were reading the newest article on superboy, "ah, ah, ah, what do we have here?" connor asked, taking the magazine from your hand, "superboy fan, huh?" he scanned the cover, a smug smirk coming onto his face as you snatched the magazine back.

"yeah, someone who's actually useful in life," you replied as he walked with you to your locker. he had never saw the inside of it and taken back by the amount of photos you had....of him, "aww, don't be that way, sweetheart! maybe one day superboy will actually give you a chance," he joked.

your annoyance instantly shot up as you slammed your locker and walking away, "see ya later sweetie!" he screamed. you stopped in the middle of the hall and flicked him off, "the next time i'll see you, it'll be in hell!" you yelled, storming off to class.

you walked into class, sitting down as your friend, henry, walked up to you, "hey babe," he said, a warm feeling crossing your face at the term of endearment, "hey henry, what're you up to?" you asked, seeing him looking at you, a bit nervously now.

"i was wondering if you were free-," before henry could say anything else, connor walked up behind him and tapping him on the shoulder. he had heard the conversation between the two of you and knew exactly where it was heading, "uh, she's not interested, better luck next time," connor stated, surprising henry with his sudden angry attitude.

henry knowing he didn't want to risk the chance of getting his ass kicked walked away from the conversation as you stared at connor with rage in your eyes, "what do you want?" you seethed as you saw connor's smirk playing on his face, "you weren't actually entertaining him, were you?" he asked in disbelief, "i literally hate you with every ounce of my being," you blurted, finally sick of connor's attitude.

his mouth hung open as you got up from the desk, "do me a favor and PLEASE leave me alone, that's all i ask," you stated as you walked out of class and deciding to ditch for the rest of the day.

"told you she was gonna blow up," jake informed as he sat down in his seat, connor still standing in place, taking in everything you had said. he knew he was being a bit of an ass but he didn't know you were that angry with him.

connor knew he had to make this up. he genuinely did like you and he didn't want to ruin his chances with you because of his shitty attitude. throughout the class period, he picked his brain for ideas until sirens went off in his head.

SUPERBOY.

he knew you were practically in love with his alter ego and he knew he could use superboy as a way to persuade you into giving him another chance. that is if he played his cards right.

you reluctantly showed up the next day, trying to avoid connor as best as you could. you were talking with a few friends, gossiping about the fight that superboy and robin had against a few low level villains in metropolis last night.

"hey, look at connor," jake whispered, seeing his friend practically beat up. you were taken back by his appearance as he had a few bruises on his arms and legs, "are you okay?" jake asked connor.

connor shook his head slowly, his body still recovering from the night before, "what were yall talking about?" he asked, trying to redirect the conversation. everyone looked to you, "someone was gushing about superboy, so please, if you'd continue," meghan said playfully.

"oh shut up, like you don't have robin posters all over your room," you retorted as you watched connor struggling to stay upright, "all i'm saying is that superboy remains the best sidekick there is. did you see the way he walked out of that fight scratchless and look at robin, he nearly died," you continued.

meghan instantly retorted as you noticed how eerily silent connor had became. you turned over to him, about to say something sarcastic towards him until he flopped on top of you, passing out completely. you looked down at him, "connor?" you whispered, "hey connor, wake up," you whispered, shaking him a bit.

"take him to the nurse!" jake yelled at you as you grabbed connor by the arm and pulling him against you, "fuck off, he's heavy as hell," you breathed, trying to steady his weight against you before walking slowly towards the nurse.

you made the walk to the nurse but by the time you made it, connor had woken up, "don't take me to the nurse, please," he whispered, "what are you talking about?" you exclaimed, "you clearly aren't okay and you don't look okay either," you added on.

he steered the two of you to the family bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit, "clean me up here, i really don't want to be questioned right now," he said, nothing cocky or playful in his voice. you sat him on the toilet, bending down to clean his face first, "hey, is everything okay....you know at home?" you asked.

he laughed, shaking his head, "these injuries aren't from my guardians if that's what you're wondering. i kinda got into a fight last night," you stared at him confused, "did you lose or something? these injuries look horrible," you replied.

"course i did, just took a nasty beating before i won," he said as he flinched at the rubbing alcohol hitting his arm. you muttered a sorry as you put a band-aid on a few of his cuts, "listen, i wanted to say sorry for acting like a prick," connor muttered a few minutes later.

you were taken back by his apology, "i knew i was being an ass but please don't take this as me joking but you're actually the best thing that's happened to me since i transferred," you remained silent, not knowing to respond as you put the last band-aid on his knee.

"and if i could have a second chance, that would be super dope, ya know?" he tried to say without sounding nervous, "you better not be joking, kent," you threatened, putting your finger on his chest and shoving him a bit.

connor flinched back in pain as you muttered a sorry, "i'm not joking, i'd really like to take you out for coffee sometime," he asked as he grabbed your hand and gave it a kiss. you agreed as you responded with a kiss on his cheek, "also, i had this lying around my room and figured you'd like it more than i would," he dug into his backpack and gave you a magazine.

your eyes widen seeing what it was. it was the magazine that superboy first appeared in and you had analyzed a few signatures of his to know that it was his signature on the front, "did superboy sign this?" you practically tried to contain your excitement as you ran your finger over the sharpie.

connor nodded, "i met him one time after he saved a few people in metropolis last year and got him to sign the magazine. i figured since you like hm a lot more than i do, you'd take care of it better than i would," overwhelmed with excitement, you grabbed connor by the neck and kissed him.

connor was taken back by the sudden kiss but awkwardly responded with another kiss as you held the magazine close to your chest, "i can't thank you enough for this connor," you whispered, your lips still on his a bit. he chuckled, "just meet me at the coffee shop near the school and that'll suffice," he replied, giving you another kiss before slowly getting up.

"now lets get to our second period before we get marked truant again," he grabbed your hand and held it as softly as possible, "you know how much shit our friends are gonna give us, right?" you said, laughing a bit. connor nodded, "nothing we can't handle," he replied as he squeezed your hand in reassurance.

#dc x reader #dc imagine #dc #superboy x y/n #superboy x reader #superboy imagine #connor kent #connor kent imagine #connor kent x reader #connor kent x you #comics

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books-and-catears · 4 years ago

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Okay so I've been thinking of writing this for a while now. (Spoiler alert for chapter 16-20)

After MC is brought back to life, everyone approaches them as Lilith. And everyone seems to be all over them as if they weren't just almost killed by Belphie.

So MC feels uncomfortable over this whole thing. Not only do they feel like a replacement for Lilith but they can't even tell anyone about the trauma of almost dying cause they are demons, they can't possibly sympathize with human fragility. Well maybe one of them can.

The only brother who didn't know Lilith firsthand. The only brother who has spent centuries studying humans and reading all about their emotions.

Satan.

Tags: Angst, Hurt, Comfort

Only You

GN! Reader X Satan

"Ah MC...It seems you have only a week more left in Devildom." Lucifer announced in the middle of breakfast.

Everyone paused and stared blankly. Even Beel stopped chewing and put down his sandwich. You smiled, "Ah I was guessing it might be. Thank you for confirming, Lucifer."

One more week and then you could stop pretending to be okay. One more week of being Lilith. One more week of holding in your trauma. You smiled at the thought of being free of it all.

Everyone around looked dejected. Mammon was the first to break the silence, "Oi! You both are kidding right?!" Lucifer shook his head sternly.

"Ah how unfair! It seems only yesterday we met MC!" Asmo piped in.

"B-but we have so many animes left to finish in our watchlist, MC! And so many games we're still waiting for release!" Levi whined.

"So we can not have MC's cooking anymore?" Beel asked sadly.

"I barely got enough time with them! And you all are complaining?!" Belphie said, annoyed.

Satan was still silent. You looked at him only to find him staring right at you. You blush and look down, picking at your food. No matter how many times he did that, you still couldn't get used to it.

"You must have missed home a lot MC. Happy to go back?" Satan asked softly into your ear. You nodded slightly.

Then you felt your chest tighten. You did want to leave but that would mean no more Satan. You wanted to open up to him. If there was anyone among the brother's who could understand you - it was him.

After breakfast was over you stopped everyone before they left for class.

"Um..since it's my last week here, I have a request on how I want to spend it." You announced. All the brothers nodded and stared attentively.

"I will spend one whole day with each of you individually. And the order will be Beel, Belphie, Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Asmo and Satan. Is everyone okay with this?"

Everyone shared confused glances at the sudden statement but obliged never the less.

The rest of the week flashed by and soon it was your last day. Satan's day.

You woke up early that day, already prepping his parting gift. A bookmark made of dried flowers, with two petals on top shaped like cat ears, inside your favourite book from the human world.

"MC? Are you awake?" Satan called out, after knocking on the door.

You were still dressed in your flimsy pajamas but who cares? You ever going to leave tomorrow anyway. You put on some cat ears and called out, "Come in Satan!"

"Good morning MC, I think you'll like what I've planned for-" Satan stopped in mid speech. His eyes widening at the attire that did a fine job of wrapping around your body seductively.

"Good morning...sorry I was too busy to freshen up haha.." You apologize. "Wait for me here, it'll only take me a few minutes."

Satan nodded, hiding his blush behind his golden locks falling all over his cheeks as he lowered his head. You sighed. How was he so beautiful early morning?

Satan held out his arm like the gentleman he was as you prepared to leave for your date. "Take my arm, MC. We have lots of places to be."

You chuckled and did as told. "I can hardly wait."

You spent the day as if you were in a Romance novel. Cat Cafe, the bookstore, walking in the park watching the setting sun, holding hands. Satan really knew the ways to your heart.

After the sun set, you returned to the house of Lamentation.

"Would you like to come to my room later? We could read your favourite book together one last time before you leave?" Satan requested, his fingers still interlocked with yours.

"Yes..." You nodded, "I was going to ask you the same..."

"I'll be waiting." Satan said, walking you to your room and reluctantly letting go.

After dinner when everyone was asleep, you sneaked into his room. He was wide awake, waiting. He was sitting in his bed in only his black t-shirt and jeans, reading a book. The room was dark with only candles providing enough light to read. He looked up when you called for him softly.

"Satan I'm here...sorry for making you wait.." You said sheepishly.

His eyes lit up and he held out his hand for you to take. "Come sit with me."

You joined him on the bed. He swiftly put an arm around you, holding you snug against him. You could smell his scent and feel his breath on your cheek.

"I got something for you. It's not much but.." You handed Satan your gift.

"A gift? For me?" Satan saw the cover of the book and flipped to where the bookmark was. "That's... beautiful. Thank you MC I can't believe you'd- wait what's this?"

He fished out a long strip of stray paper in the middle of the pages beside the bookmark.

You remembered what it was and tried to snatch it away. How did this even get in there?! What the hell?! "IT'S NOTHING!", You scream

Satan smirked as he held it beyond your reach and started reading it. "A poem for Satan? That doesn't seem like nothing MC."

You tried getting up to gain better access to snatch the paper from him. "DON'T READ IT I SWEAR IT'S NOT SOMETHING SERIOUS. I WAS JUST BEING SILLY!"

Satan tightened his grip on your waist and started reading it out loud to your utter humiliation. You struggled in his grip, gave up and hid your face instead. He stopped midway.

"You read it to me." He demanded.

"Like hell I will!" You rebutted.

"Please." He splayed out his fingers on your back holding you close. His locks tickling your nose.

"N-no. It's embarrassing. I can't-" You started but he looked so dejected you gave in. "Fine but you have to look away from me."

Satan swiftly turned his face away and nodded. You cleared your throat nervously and started.

"Dear blonde boy with the sea in his eyes,

I'll be gone soon, so I'm done with the lies,

I've liked you for a long long time,

But it's too late to impose now, so I guess it's fine?"

"You see me for me, like I see you for you,

Everyone else, they just put me in her shoes,

But these shoes don't fit, they're not mine

And I'm sick of having to toe this line."

"But with you, I'm better, I'm more like myself,

And I can't thank you enough for all your help,

For your kindness, smiles and touch,

You always save me when it gets too much."

You stop. The next part of the poem feels like oversharing. Maybe you should have talked to him about this first. He squeezes your arm, asking you to continue.

"Satan I should explain this-"

"I know. I've known this for a while. But I want to hear this first please continue."

Shakily, you continued.

"I feel his fingers on my throat, unforgiving and unkind,

Help it's getting dark...am I going blind?

I let out a tiny scream with whatever voice I have left,

You're the only one here who didn't turn deaf."

"So replace his touch with yours, with your fingers so gentle and nice,

Hold me, warm me, I feel as cold as ice,

I wish I was a kitten, in your care,

You may be full of wrath, but I was never scared."

"But I'll be gone soon, I don't want to return,

But for you my bookworm, my heart will yearn,

Blonde boy with eyes of sea,

One last time, will you kiss me?"

You had barely finished when Satan spun around and cupped your face. He peppered some kisses on your lips, going upto your ear. He nipped at your earlobe and you let out a soft gasp. His face felt warm and flushed.

He placed his head against yours and sighed. "I can't get enough of you. How do I hold myself back when you're showering me with this much love and that too so beautifully?"

He wrapped his arms around you protectively. You instinctively buried your face in his chest and put your arms around his torso.

"You don't need to hold back..." You whisper.

Satan stiffens. "MC, you don't know what you're asking for."

You hold him tighter, lifting your head you place kisses on his jaw and nibble on his shoulder. "I know."

"Then I won't hold back any longer" He says, slowly pushing you down against his pillows.

He reached down and removed your slippers off your feet. "A part of me suspected you might feel this way. But you're not Lilith. You never will be and you don't have to pretend to be. You're MC. And that's all you need to be."

You looked away, outside at the moon. "Tell me honestly...if I didn't have Lilith's bloodline, would you all care the same way?"

Satan held your chin and turned your face towards him. He may never have been an angel but awash in this silvery moonlight, he certainly looked like one.

"Remember when I told you how much I hated being a part of Lucifer? And you told me that I'm my own person. You told me there was more to me than my wrath."

"Of course." You reached out to hold his face. "You're the smartest demon I know. And your love for cats and literature is unparalleled."

"Well then you're the only human who has swayed my heart. The human so strong and capable enough to bring a semblance for harmony to a dysfunctional family of demons." He smiled gently, running his fingers in your hair.

You felt warm inside. Atleast there was someone who liked you for you. You were so happy you could cry.

"As for what Belphie did, I made sure you never really alone with him." Satan said, now intertwining his fingers with yours. You give him a questioning glance.

"Remember the book of defense spells I gave you? I cast one on you whenever he's in the vicinity. It will render him useless if he dare attack you." He said, matter of factly.

"You knew...? But I never told anyone." You said, confused.

"I know. You held it in for our sake didn't you? You repressed it so much. I can't imagine what kind of hurt you went through." Satan's fingers tightened around yours.

"But one night, you fell asleep in the library. I went to put a blanket on you when I heard you mumbling for help. You kept saying it hurts and you can't breathe. And then you said Belphie's name and asked him to stop hurting you."

"I was so furious I rushed straight to the twins room. I was going to yank Belphie out of bed and renact what he did to you. But Beel woke up and stopped me. I told everyone in the morning before Belphie woke up. You've never been alone with Belphie ever since. One of us always stayed nearby."

You listened in utter shock. "You...you were protecting me all this time?"

Satan nodded, "Well I can't take all the credit. My brother's helped too. But just know that you're not a replacement for Lilith. And Belphie's an ass who doesn't know how to apologize. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. I know it's your last night here, MC... so I'll make this one worth remembering."

You smiled and pulled Satan towards you for a kiss. "I'm glad I saved the best for last."

#obey me satan x reader #obey me smut #obey me headcannon #obey me game #obey me fanfiction #obey me oneshot #obey me satan #obey me angst #obey me fluff #obey me mammon #obey me imagine #obey me beel #obey me lucifer #obey me asmo #obey me belphie #obey me levi

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heloisedaphnebrightmore · 4 years ago

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Open your eyes [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

Title: Open your eyes Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Female!Reader Word count: 5.8k Published: 23 May 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Notes: My first Bucky fic, so go easy on me :D Warnings: Stabbing, shooting, injury, typical avengers stuff Summary: It’s been over two years since you met Bucky and slowly but steadily you grew closer to each other to the point where you started developing feelings for him. It seemed you were on the right path to maybe establish more than a friendship, but that was until he decided to push you away without an explanation.

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You were running across the metal bridge of the submarine, trying to get to the engine room when you caught sight of a Hydra agent. You could have left him; you could have shot him. Either way you could have just followed the order you have been given and head to the engine room. But it was boring and at times you found recklessness more fun than to just follow orders that didn't satisfy your playful needs. As though you were a cat, you jumped from the bridge lending on the lower level, barely causing any sound that would be out of the ordinary. A proud smile appeared on your face as you sneaked up behind the man and tapped his shoulder. He turned around in a quick movement, gun pointing right at your chest.

"Well, hello pretty boy," you smirked, your tone inviting and flirtatious, causing the man to smile at you as though he lost focus of his mission. "It's a shame that you have to leave so soon," you chuckled, a devilish tone to your voice. His eyes widened as you grabbed his gun, pointed it upwards and stabbed your knife into his flash, a silent scream escaping his lips, before his body landed on the floor.

"Is this really necessary," Bucky appeared on the deck above you, jumping down to your level as he rolled his eyes.

"Is the big Bucky Barnes jealous?" You snickered. You knew he would never admit it, but you were more than just a fellow colleague of some sort.

"No?" He replied, though it was more of a question than a stern statement. "I just don't think all these little games of yours are unnecessary," he added quickly, trying to change the subject as he always did.

"Come on, Barnes, let me have fun," you groaned. "I like to play with my toys," you offered him a mischievous smile as you stepped closer to him, your chest flush against his. You felt his heartbeat quicken, his breathing turning shallow as your lips grazed across his. His light blue eyes usually held kindness behind them, but as a darker shade took over, you could feel his lust surface. "You could be one of them if you didn't play hard to get," you bit on your bottom lip as you jabbed your knife under his arm right into the man's stomach behind him. "I would treat you better though," you chuckled as you stepped back, swiftly pulling your knife out of the man. Bucky looked over his shoulder, his attacker lying across the metal floor. "You're welcome," you winked at him as he shook his head and rolled his eyes, but you didn't miss the tiny smile in the corner of his lips and the barely visible pink tint spreading across his cheeks.

"You know you could do all this without being too dramatic, right?" He asked, heaving a heavy sigh.

"What would be the fun in that?" You laughed, leaving the man behind, and heading towards the engine room.

It took you a couple of bruises and scrapes to get through the heavily protected area, but with Bucky's help you finally found yourself surrounded by the submarine's engines. "We are here, what now?" Holding onto your earpiece, you waited for a reply from someone who understood physics more than you did.

"There are two wheels, one on each engine," you heard Tony's voice and you started looking for the objects, walking around the gigantic metal machines surrounding you. "They look like circles," he added, earning a loud groan from you.

"Just because I don't understand engines, it doesn't mean I'm stupid, old man," you huffed, a silent chuckle leaving Bucky's lungs. "Do you think something's funny?" Your head shot back around; a deadly gaze directed at the man.

"Considering you have walked past the wheels twice already—" he snickered without finishing his sentence as he watched your face turn confused before a sharp exhale left your lungs.

"I hate both of you," you groaned as you stomped back towards one of the wheels, whilst Bucky grabbed the other one. As hard as you tried, yours didn't even move an inch, and whilst Bucky had his vibranium arm, even he was struggling with the jammed object. "You can barely turn it with your god-like powers, how am I supposed to move it?" You huffed as you watched him struggle. "Can't we just blow it up?" You asked somewhat trying to joke around, but partially being serious.

"No!" You heard Rogers' panicked voice. "No smashing, no blowing, nothing that could cause bigger damage," he instructed you in a firm tone.

"Fine!" You huffed. "You are boring," whining, you finally concentrated back on the wheels, but it didn't want to budge.

"Move," Bucky said as he stepped beside you and peeled your hands off the wheel.

"What a gentleman," you snickered, placing a hand on his shoulder. "There are a couple of other things in my room you could help out with," you chuckled as a loud, throaty groan left his lungs. It was a mystery if the sound was caused by your words, the hard work he was putting into moving the wheel or both for that matter. But either way, you loved riling him up.

"We are good," Bucky spoke in his earpiece as the submarine started moving again, causing you to unsteadily stumble back, before Bucky wrapped his arm around your waist and caught you. His gaze fell on you, watching you intensely, almost as though he was studying you. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," you replied with an innocent expression. "As far as I'm concerned you are the one holding me," your gaze turned to his arm, still wrapped around you strongly. As much as you wished to smile, you had to stop your facial muscles from forming a smile and giving you away. He quickly let go of you and heaved a heavy sigh.

"There's always a double meaning to your sentences, always telling me suggestive things, always flirting with me," he exhaled sharply.

"I thought I made myself very obvious," you chuckled, trying to mask how awkward you felt having to say what you felt out loud. "I like you, Barnes," his eyes widened at your words, but he quickly composed himself, as though a part of him already knew it.

"You can't keep thinking about things like this when we are busy trying to just survive missions after missions," his tone was commanding as if he was telling you to stop your feelings at all costs, but his gaze seemed different. It was soft and caring, the complete opposite of his words.

"The world is always in a war, it's inevitable. And even if I tried, I would not be able to just put a stop to my feelings. You know damn well that's not how it works," you scoffed.

"Well, you have to learn then. I'm over 100 years old, I could be your grandfather," he argued, earning a deep frown from you.

"James Buchanan Barnes, are you trying to make up excuses?" You asked as you folded your arms in front of your chest. "Because it sounds like you are trying to convince yourself why you shouldn't have feelings for me."

"I don't have time for this little game of yours," he replied sternly as he started heading back to the control room. You pulled a face, grimacing at the man, sulking in a child-like manner. "Just because I don't see you, it doesn't mean I don't know about the faces you make," he let out a silent chuckle, earning a confused look from you.

"God, you freak me out sometimes," you huffed as you followed in his steps.

"Can you two please stop flirting and get back?" Stark spoke up in your earpiece, earning an annoyed huff from you. Silently, you both headed to the upper deck to meet the rest of the crew, finally getting rid of Hydra on the ship, and stopping them from taking over the submarine.

It took another 5 hours for you to get back to the compound, but when you finally did, you dropped down on the couch in the lounge, exhaling deeply, feeling your body relax on the soft sofa.

"Some space would be nice," Natasha spoke standing beside the couch with a small smile and a questioningly raised brow.

"Just so you see how generous I can be," you smirked proudly and sat up, offering her the other side of the sofa.

"Very much so," she chuckled, but it quickly died down as Tony asked for your attention.

As usual, he talked about the efficiency and effectiveness of the mission and team performance and by the time he finished you were about to take a nap on Natasha's shoulder, drifting into a short slumber. But you couldn't sleep just yet as you felt her shoulder move, silently shaking you awake. You offered her a deadly gaze, before you realised everyone was already gone.

"Oh, we're done?" You asked as you looked around and stretched your back, standing up from the sofa. Natasha nodded in response and ushered you to head to your room, suggesting you didn't look too well which earned a grimace from you.

You attempted to rest and try to finally have a good night sleep, but unfortunately after hours of rolling and groaning you gave in. However you tried, you just couldn't get yourself to sleep and it left you frustrated. You wished to be able to control your mind and forget about certain things whenever you wanted, but unfortunately you couldn't do that, and it always left you with one particular person on your mind.

James Buchanan Barnes.

You were wary of him at the beginning, he was the Winter soldier after all, and you have heard and seen what he was capable of. But the trust Steve put in his friend pushed you to give him a chance too and you never regretted it. When you finally got closer to him and he opened up to you, talking about his past, you couldn't possibly imagine how he could keep himself in one piece. The pain, the trauma, the memories that haunted him scared you, even though you weren't the one living them all over again.

But somewhere along the line, you fell for him. You tried to spend more time with him and at first, he seemed interested, you were there for each other whenever in need, but something has changed. That night played in your head over and over again, hoping to understand what went wrong, but you couldn't find the solution.

You were seated on his bed, leaning against the headboard as he placed his head on your lap. Caressing his hair gently, playing with his long locks always soothed his worries and you hoped he would feel better. Sometimes you weren't sure how to make him feel better, so you did what you always did, listened to him.

"I— I can just hear their screams, the last terrified look in their eyes, the realisation that— that they are about to die," his voice was shaking as he stumbled across his words. You ran your fingers across his hair, removing the escaped locks from his face. "All these memories are coming back, and I just— I just don't know what to do," a heavy sigh left his lungs, as though trying to get rid of all the horrible memories.

"It's not your fault, you are not responsible for it. You weren't in your right mind, Bucky, they were controlling you" you tried to sooth his worries, but it didn't seem to work. He shook his head, another throaty sigh escaping his lips.

"But it was me. Regardless of not being in control of my own mind and body, it was still me," he groaned as sat up, looking into your eyes. Placing a hand on his cheek, you caressed his stubbly face, hoping it would calm him down. He tilted his head into your palm, enjoying the feel of your warm touch, but then he turned away and abruptly stood up.

"Hey, are you okay?" You asked as you stood up from the bed and walked up behind him, placing your hands on each of his shoulders, squeezing them reassuringly.

"I think you should leave," he spoke, but his gaze didn't meet yours again. He avoided looking at you and even though you wanted to object, you understood he needed space.

However, that space was standing between you for the past 3 months. You were understanding and supportive, knowing of his past it was inevitable that he needed to think things through, but you were tired of waiting. It's been 2 years since you fell for the man and it didn't help that he was always close to you physically, but never enough to be able to touch him mentally. You knew he wasn't indifferent towards you, there was an invisible connection between the two of you, but he clearly avoided you and paused whatever was going on before he decided to keep his distance. You tried to keep your cool and act as though it didn't affect you, but as time passed, it started to become hard to put on a brave face.

Shaking your head, trying to get rid of your thoughts, you jumped out from your bed. Attempting to cool yourself down, you headed to the kitchen to grab something to drink, your throat feeling as though it was covered in cotton.

"Can't sleep?" Rogers' spoke as he stepped inside the kitchen, watching you take out a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Not really. I'm guessing you are struggling too," you raised a brow, earning a nod from the man.

"I'm glad we can't sleep. I meant to talk to you," he spoke as you took a quick chug of your water, a questioning expression painted across your face.

"What about?" You asked with a deep frown. It wasn't often that Steve and you had anything to talk about unless it was to do with a mission. "If you plan to scold me for my behaviour today, just save it," you added, already prepared for his nagging.

"Actually, it's not about that. It's more of a personal matter," he replied as he took a seat at the dining table, pulling out the chair beside him to offer you a place to sit. You furrowed at the subject matter; personal subjects weren't your thing after all.

"What did I do?" You asked cautiously, earning a silent chuckle from Steve.

"Nothing, I just wanted to talk to you about Bucky," he spoke as your eyes widened in surprise. "I'm not blind, none of us are and your little conversation today didn't go unnoticed," he pointed at his ear. You felt your cheeks warm up as you realised, they have all heard your confession. Scrunching your nose, you awkwardly cleared your throat and whispered an apology. "No, no, don't apologise, please, it's fine. But it made me want to talk to you even more."

"I know you are Bucky's best friend, but I don't think we should have this discussion," you chuckled awkwardly, uncertain of how to react.

"I agree and I don't want to go into details. He is a very good friend of mine and it's not my place to talk about him with you, but I thought it would be important to tell you that since you have been around, he has changed. I know he doesn't show it well, but he cares for you. He just needs time to understand himself and you and the situation you are in," he explained with a soft smile.

"Do you think I don't know? I see how he looks at me, I see how he behaves around me. The little things that he does whenever I'm in need of help. But I can't possibly do anything when your friend makes up the stupidest excuses to suppress his feelings and pushes me away," you shook your head in response.

"Just give him time. He will come around. There's a limit to how long he can lie to himself," he attempted to encourage you.

"Look, I can't possibly understand what he has been through, but I can only hope he gets it together, because I'm running out of options," you pursed your lips in a humorous manner to lighten the mood as you stood up from your chair. "Two years, it's been two years, Cap," you chuckled darkly. "At this point, even a rejection is better than tiptoeing around our situation."

"Yes, I understand," he offered you a consoling smile. "Go, try to take some rest."

"Well, I wish I could," you smiled as you headed towards the exit. "Have a good night, Cap."

Another week passed and there was no progress in your situation. You caught Bucky's eyes on you, but each time your gaze met, he abruptly turned away. It felt as though you had tried everything to get close to him once again, but the man was stubborn and you were out of ideas. You were on the verge of giving up. Wanting to talk to him, you headed towards his room to tell him that you were done, and you understood that you were probably seeing things and maybe misinterpreting your situation, but before you could have reached his room, Stark stopped you.

"I need you," he said, grabbing your arm and fairly forcefully dragged you across the compound.

"You know, I could just follow you, right?" You asked with a deep frown as he finally let go of your arm and you continued in his steps, heading to the lounge.

As you arrived, Nat and Steve were already seated on a couch, whilst Barton sat at the table, waiting for Tony and you. Before you could even take a seat, Stark has already started explaining your mission against another Hydra hideout. According to his resources and F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s intel, it seemed it was only a small warehouse where they exchanged weapons and since the mission was a rather small one, not all Avengers were needed.

Within an hour you have already discussed the tactics and you were on your way to the warehouse not far from Texas. Taking an old S.H.I.E.L.D. jet that Tony tweaked up, you have arrived at the abandoned area within a couple of hours. Steve and Nat went straight for the entrance, whilst you and Barton used the backdoor, closing off any escape route according to F.R.I.D.A.Y.

But as you stepped inside the building, it became clear that the tactic you have discussed and the blueprint F.R.I.D.A.Y. showed has not been updated. "Is it just us or have you found yourself in a completely different part of the building too?" You asked Steve and Natasha through the earpiece as you looked around, realising nothing was even remotely similar to your expectations.

"Same here," Natasha replied with a heavy tone.

"Oh well, we like a good improvisation," you chuckled silently. "Let's get the party started."

"Stay aware," Rogers warned you, knowing how reckless you were at times.

"Pfft, yes boss," you replied with a grin and even though you couldn't see it, he shook his head.

Barton and you separated, each of you inspecting a different area of the building with all kinds of metal boxes hiding thousands of weapons in them. As you headed towards the back of the building, you heard gunshots from not far away and you started running in the direction of the noise.

"Which one of you was that?" You asked, but for a second no reply came.

"It was me, but it's all good now. Easy targets," Barton replied in a smug tone.

"Don't get cocky," Steve replied as you headed back in your direction.

"Yeah, yeah," he chuckled silently. You shook your head at the conversation, their bickering always making your mood a little lighter, a little happier.

As you continued to a segregated area, you heard the rumbling sound of a machine. Walking through the room, you held your gun up, ready to fire, but there wasn't a soul around, only a dozen desks. Arriving next to the computer on top of a desk connected to a large, old looking machine, you touched the seat in front of it, it's leather still radiating heat. It was enough information for you to know that someone was close by.

You didn't need more time to find out you weren't alone as the sound of a gunshot shook the room, the bullet grazing your face. You immediately ducked and jumped behind another desk as your opponents started shouting at you vigorously. Beside the table you peaked out to look at the size of your enemy as you caught 3 men, each hiding behind a table just like you did. Adjusting the gun in your hand, you turned it toward your first target, shooting him on the chest as he fell back with a loud scream.

Your next target was farther, but it didn't stop you from shooting him on the shoulder and his stomach. However, the third man was relentlessly shooting at you and all around the room not even trying to spare his bullets, so you hid back behind the table.

"Maniac," you whispered.

"Are you alright?" You heard Natasha's voice through your ear.

"Yep, I just have a mental-case on my hand," you replied as you started shooting back, hitting him right across the chest as he fell back, gasping for air. When everything turned silent, you could only hear the rumbling of the machines again. Standing up from behind the table you headed to the 3 men, gun in hand, ready to shoot if any of them were alive, but they were laying on the floor, limbs spread out in all kinds of directions, no sign of survival. You didn't think twice before you headed back to the computer and took out a USB stick to copy the files. However, as you waited for the process to finish, you heard a loud groan. Turning around in a swift movement you saw one of the men raising his gun at you, so you shot. But before your bullet could reach him, he fired his weapon, burning a whole straight in your abdomen, the pain forcing you on your knees as a silent cry left your lungs.

"Fuck," you swore as you held onto the side of the desk to assist you in standing up, whilst your other hand was trying to apply pressure on the wound, stopping you from bleeding out.

"That didn't sound good," you heard Steve's voice.

"No way, captain obvious," you groaned as you pulled out the USB stick, shoving it into your pocket and grabbed your gun, throwing its strap over your shoulder.

"Are you okay?" He asked, ignoring your previous comment.

"Been worse," you replied, attempting to hide the pain in your voice.

Trying to balance yourself against the wall, you headed towards the exit, but each step seemed heavier, more difficult to take. Another room and another room followed, and it felt as though the exit was running away from you. Stopping in one of the rooms, you slid down on the wall and took a seat on the floor, feeling like you didn't have energy anymore, not even to take another step further.

The pain was unbearable, worse than any other injuries you've ever experienced before. You've been shot before, but it was always somewhat numbing when you sat down to take a breather, but as you stayed still leaning against the wall, the pain just increased. Closing your eyes, you tried to think of happy thoughts. The first time you met the Avengers, feeling as though you found a new family, the first time you met Bucky, his child-like smile painted across his face as he introduced himself, though you've heard of him already. There were many happy thoughts running through your head as you slipped in and out of consciousness. You could hear someone's voice, but you weren't sure if it was through your earpiece or if someone was beside you, but it didn't matter anymore. It was tiresome to stay awake, so regardless of the voices telling you to open your eyes, you shifted into a deep slumber.

"You know, I wouldn't mind if you woke up already," you heard a voice, but you couldn't identify it nor could you see the person. It remained dark and somewhat scary where you were. It wasn't often that you felt terrified, but all your efforts to open your eyes seemed fruitless. The steady beeping of a machine beside you and the voice you heard seemed familiar, a cold feeling around your hand sending shivers through your body. You could hear your own groan, but it felt as though the voice didn't belong to you.

"You're safe! Come on, open those beautiful eyes," the voice tried to encourage you. "You can do it, I know you can. Just open them."

Another loud groan left your lungs as you fought hard against the darkness, before your eyes fluttered open, the bright lights above you burning your vision. As if your visitor could sense your discomfort, they dimmed the light as you felt the cold sensation disappear from your hand.

"Do me a favour and open those pretty eyes, okay?" He pleaded with you, his voice sounding familiar, his tone holding a great deal of worry. It took you a good few moments to adjust your vision to your surroundings, before you could force yourself to look around. Without a second glance you recognised the hospital wing of the compound, before your gaze fell on Bucky's scruffy face, clearly avoiding his razors lately.

"Hey," you wanted to greet him, but your voice was barely a whisper, your throat burning from the dry sensation.

"Wait, here," he stood up to offer you a glass of water and he gave you the end of the straw. Chucking it down, trying to regain moisture in your throat, you almost choked on the liquid. "Careful," he warned you as he took the glass from you. Luckily coughing up the liquid seemed to do the trick and within seconds you felt better.

"Thank you," you tried to smile, but it quickly disappeared as you attempted to sit up and a horrible pain shot through your stomach, making you cry out in pain. Bucky placed an arm behind your back and helped you into a seated position, watching as you squeezed your teeth tight, not to let out a sound. He shook his head disapprovingly and that's when you realised the dark circles under his eyes, the deep frown between his brows as if they were permanently stuck there and his lips chapped from dehydration. "You look awful," you snickered, but the pain in your stomach quickly put an end to it.

"Not worse than you," he replied with a soft smile, the wrinkles between his brows started to slowly flatten.

"That I believe," you nodded, feeling as bad as you possibly looked. "How did I end up here? Last time I checked I was in the warehouse," you asked with a humorous tone, but Bucky's face quickly turned concerned.

"It's not funny. They found you unconscious and they brought you back. You've been out for days. You were covered in blood, in and out of consciousness. How could you be so reckless to get shot?" He scolded you and for once you felt guilty.

"I know, I could have jeopardised the mission," you added with a heavy sigh.

"What?" He asked with a stunned expression, furrowing at your words. "Who cares about the mission? You could have gotten yourself killed," he raised his voice, filled with concern and anger. You've never seen so many emotions from him nor has he ever raised his voice with you.

"I'm sorry," you apologised, another rush of guilt taking over you as you let your head fall forward. It wasn't your intention to get shot after all, it just happened, because once again you were reckless and didn't pay attention to the details.

"I'm just glad you are okay," he added as he sat down beside you.

"Oh, were you worried about me?" You chuckled, trying to lift his tense mood.

"Yes, I was," he stated firmly, concern clearly painted across his face.

"Is it a friendly worry," you asked with a mischievous smile, "or it's an 'I almost lost the love of my life' worry?" You snickered playfully.

"It's an 'I'm going to murder you next time if you try something like this' kind of worry," he huffed, earning a heartfelt laughter from you, but it quickly disappeared as the pain shot through your stomach, as though someone stabbed you. "Stop playing around, can't you just be serious once?" He groaned, your recklessness playing with his nerves.

"You made me laugh, so don't nag me," you pulled a face, an annoyed grimace which earned a disapproving look from the man as he leaned back in his chair, folding his arms in front of his chest. "If I knew I needed to get myself almost killed to get your attention, I would have done it earlier," you replied with a humorous tone, but with a straight face, trying to lift the mood once again. Of course, you knew it could have gotten you killed, and you were glad that you were alive and fairly well, but it was easier to joke around than to stay serious.

Bucky shot up from his chair and started walking up and down in front of your bed. "You know it could have ended worse, right?" He asked with a stern look and you nodded in response, this time stopping yourself from trying to joke around. "You could have died," you weren't sure where he was going with it, but from the grave and solemn emotions across his face, you knew he was very serious. "What if you died, huh? You wouldn't be joking around now; you would be six feet under the ground. Would that be funny?" He asked, almost as though he was demanding an answer.

"No, it wouldn't, and I don't want to die obviously. I just didn't want to see you so worried so I thought it would be better if I joked around and you would be less— I don't even know, tense I guess," you huffed as you played with your fingers in your lap nervously. Bucky heaved a heavy sigh as he sat down in the chair beside you and placed his elbows on the edge of your bed, watching you intently. He lifted your hand and leaned his forehead against your knuckles as he closed his eyes, a comforting silence falling between the two of you. "I'm sorry," you apologised again, this time sincerely. You never wanted to make him so worried, let alone see him this concerned. He shook his head, but he didn't open his eyes.

"I was worried because you were dying, but that wasn't the only reason," a heavy sigh left his lungs as he lifted his head and kissed your knuckles, his words leaving you in confusion. His gaze fell on you, watching and studying you as though he was trying to read you. "I was worried because I thought I would lose you before I could have even told you how I felt. I was worried because all this time I have been pushing you away instead of giving us a chance and I thought I would never be able to tell you this. I honestly thought I was about to lose you and it was eating me up from the inside," you took your hand from his and placed it on his cheek, caressing his stubble as he placed his hand on yours, leaning into your touch. "When I heard your voice and watched you fighting to wake up, it felt like I got a second chance with you."

"And what about all your excuses? You are older, you are broken, your mind is not there. What about all of those excuses?" You raised a questioning brow, but you couldn't hide the tiny smile in the corner of your lips.

"I still think I'm older than you," he replied with a wider grin this time.

"And here we go, James Barnes is back with excuses," you huffed shaking your head as you rolled your eyes.

"I will always think like that, but it doesn't mean I love you any less," your eyes grew wide at his sudden confession, a shocked expression taking over your facial muscles.

"Lo— love me?" You asked, stumbling through your words, feeling like you were dreaming, like you were in an alternate universe, an unfamiliar scenario playing.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips, a soft smile spreading across face. "Yes, I do love you."

His words once again shocked you, but as he repeated them, they started to feel more real. "Does— does that mean that– that you would like to give us a chance?" You stuttered, your own confidence betraying you.

"I would like nothing more," he smiled softly as he squeezed your hand. You watched his blue eyes, trying to understand if it was indeed reality or if you were in some sort of dream, but the genuine, loving expression across his face, his eyes holding your gaze endearingly gave you all the answers you needed.

"It took you long enough to open your eyes," you scolded him, but you couldn't mask your happiness. "So, how is it going to be? Do I have to wait for the first kiss until our first date? Sorry, I only dated people my age," you snickered playfully. He shook his head with a wide grin across his face as he stood up and leaned closer to you, hinting a small kiss on your forehead.

"There's your kiss," he chuckled as you pouted, his actions making you feel soft as though you were more than just an agent, but a woman once again.

"What about on the lips?" You asked with an awkward smile.

"You really are impatient," he replied with a scolding tone, but a cheeky smile in the corner of his lips and he did as you wished and connected his lips with yours, kissing you softly, filled with love and care. As he pulled away, he sat back in his seat, both of you beaming happily. A warm sensation rushed through your body when he held onto your hand again, leaning his face against your knuckles, his happy, worriless smile making you mirror his expression. In that moment, you were just plain happy and no one could take that away from you.

Notes: If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please don’t forget to leave a like, comment and/or reblog. Your opinion matters and gives us motivation. Thank you ^^

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

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catgirl-brain · 3 years ago

Text

[ENG] Another Night - Kazui Mukuhara Voice Drama

Aand... it's been forever since this came out... I had a lot of trouble deciphering what Kazui was trying to say in some portions, so please take this translation with a grain of salt... It's super rough at some parts, sorry!

Kazui: Alright then… Let’s see how this turns out.

(door swings open)

Es: Sorry for the wait,

(door shuts)

Es: Prisoner number 7, Kazui.

Kazui: Excuse me,

(restrains Es)

Es: W-what!?

Kazui: Sorry, give me a second to be ridiculous here.

Es: (struggling) You…! That’s rude!

Kazui: Now, now… I won’t hurt you, so don’t be afraid…

Kazui: Huh..?

Es: (breaks free and gasps)

Kazui: What’s this…? I’ve suddenly lost my strength…

Es: (heavy breathing) Prisoner number 7, Kazui! Do you have any idea what you’ve just done!? You’ve just committed a serious crime.

Kazui: (hums)

Es: Hey! Are you listening to me, Kazui!?

Kazui: Prison guard-kun fought me when I squeezed them… That’s not the image I got from Futa’s account. I thought you’d overpower me,

Es: Huh?

Kazui: but you tried to get out as soon as I started, and - “What’s this?” I suddenly lost control of my own body.

Es: (huffs) I don’t know all the details either, I just know that a prisoner can’t attack the guard.

Kazui: I see… (laughs) But it’s not like a magic barrier- An old man like me wouldn’t be able to handle that… (As an old man, that helps) Still, in terms of reality… it feels a bit like it was hypnosis.

Es: Hey! I don’t care about that!

Kazui: Hm?

Es: Sit down there, Kazui!

Kazui: (chuckles) Ok, ok.

Es: The manner of these prisoners towards their prison guard... Don’t treat me as if I’m a kid, but that behavior is uncalled for... I'm not going to forgive you (for treating me like that), what do you have to say for yourself?

Kazui: Hmm…

Kazui: (claps) Sorry!

Es: Huh?

Kazui: Really- sorry, sorry! I was worried I’d get injured by you, Prison guard-kun. From now on I’ll try to get information safely. Depending on who they are, everyone has their own method of gathering information.

Es: Huh?

Kazui: I’m an anxious old man, so I just needed to verify if Prison guard-kun was armed or not.

Es: You...To do that sort of thing to me…

Kazui: Mm? I thought it would be fine, but I suppose it wasn’t.

Es: Oh? But I didn't like it.

Kazui: Oh, no no, I don’t mean to offend you. Well, it’s no problem, if we can’t attack you, you can’t attack us, either.

Es: Hmm? (approaches him)

Kazui: What are you doing?

Es: (slaps him)

Kazui: T...that hurts….!

Es: Hey, what’s wrong? I was able to attack you?

Kazui: That was uncalled for-!.. Even so... that seems to be true…

Es: What, should I have said that earlier? Should slap you again to see if it works that time?

Kazui: Aw, I get it! I’ll be patient… (clears throat) I suppose the guard has decided the situation… We’re just scared of unfamiliar situations, don't you hate it - not knowing things?

Kazui: If I can’t expect it, it could hurt me. Even if not, it's better to see first. There’s always something dangerous. And what’s more, from the beginning of this session, you seem unfazed by this “mechanism”- somewhere, it sounds like pieces of something are moving. (??)

Es: What are you trying to say?

Kazui: In other words, we’re divided into the positions of Guard and Prisoner. We’re both trying to glean the information we lack.

Kazui: I think it’s “fair” in that sense.

Es: Me and you guys… we’re “fair”?

Kazui: Well, that’s my guess. I was hoping that Prison guard-kun would agree with me if I decided it was okay.

Es: Hmm… but you’re such a chatty man.

Kazui: (laughs) That’s true (laughs) I’m worried all the time, this old man’s no good.

Es: Well, what you’re saying is pretty interesting. It’s true; at some times I don’t even know everything about MILGRAM.

Kazui: (affirmative hum)

Es: But! I am the Prison Guard of MILGRAM, and you’re a prisoner, that much is true.

Kazui: (hum)

Es: That’s the most important thing here. Now then, Prisoner number 7, Kazui. Let’s get started.

Kazui: Alright, very professional aren’t we? (laughs) Well, let me introduce myself. I like this too. This isn’t my first time introducing myself to you.

Kazui: Once again, it’s Mukuhara Kazui, age 39. Nice to meet you, Prison guard-kun.

Es: Hm. You guys are all murderous prisoners. Kazui, you shouldn’t be so cheerful.

Kazui: Murderous... is that it? Well, you’re not wrong there.

Es: Mm? Confess it then.

Kazui: Confess.. At the very least, I believe I’m a murderer. I admit that. I don’t know if that’s a good way to put it.

Es: A good way to put it…?

Kazui: And that’s all there is, for the most part. To me, there should be no murderers aside from me. (??????????????????????????????????????)

Es: What do you mean?

Kazui: For example, for what reason are you gathering us murderers here? That’s something a crazy person would do. Is there a better word other than “murderer”? The term is too broad.

Es: Hey, Kazui. This isn’t the time to be asking questions.

Kazui: And I’m not recognizable as a murderer, unless you know my crime. Why the hell are we even on trial? It doesn’t make sense.

Es: I don’t give a damn about all that. I am the one who will decide whether to forgive you or not.

Kazui: Oh, is that so? Even though I don’t know who you’re working for?

Es: They’re fluffy. And if there's a problem, they’ll show up.

Kazui: Hm..? It’s something like that..?

Es: Stop acting like a detective, it’s unpleasant.

Kazui: Okay, okay.

Es: (sighs) Kazui. How do you feel about the other prisoners?

Kazui: Oh, that’s a good one. Don’t worry, everyone is well and friendly. The younger ones often get stressed, but there seems to be a good balance.

Es: That answer would be the same no matter who you ask. Don’t worry about conflicts between prisoners.

Kazui: Isn’t that what’s happening right now? I don’t really know what’s in my head, and you don’t know what life is like outside of here (???)

Es: Hm?

Kazui: There's an air of good feelings around the prison. I would be okay with living here forever. Why have you prepared such an environment..?

Es: Hey! Stop trying to get the conversation off track!

Kazui: (laughs) I got caught. Forgive me, alright? I’m an old man, I can’t help teasing kids like you- I have to be a little mischievous.

Es: You’re the same as Shidou. I hate it. I swear, does every adult act this way?

Kazui: (laughs) Did Shidou-kun also do that? He’s really calm, isn’t he? Can’t take that one sitting down.

Es: Are you different? You seem just as childish.

Kazui: Mmm… Does it seem that way? That’s good.

Es: What’s good about that? I don’t get this.

Es: This is a place where your consciousness will reveal itself (?) calculated by the impressions from others, but they can easily lie.

Kazui: This is, this is… You’re pretty tough. (laughs) But you’re not showing your true self, and neither am I.

Es: Hm…

Kazui: But, I’m older, so I have to take more responsibility/I need to try harder when I’m around kids like you. I’m an old man, so I need to keep a smile on my face while hiding my fangs.. Even if you are young.

Es: I see..

Kazui: You can tell I’m lying… Well, that may be the case. Unfortunately for you adults are very good at lying.

Es: Adults, huh?

Kazui: You’ll be stumped(?). Although, maybe you have some mysterious power...

Es: (cute laugh) Hey, Kazui…

Kazui: Yeah?

Es: That’s exactly it.

Kazui: Eh?

Es: I see your weakness. I can look inside you and unravel the sounds of your heart… What’s more, that adult technique. (??)

Kazui: (laughing) What? What’s that supposed to mean?

Es: Stop laughing, it’s unpleasant.

Kazui: (oh hoho…) Oi, oi, What on Earth is going on here….

Es: Are you a sweet-natured man who takes his losses well? Or are you really someone else?

Kazui: (hums)

Es: I’m looking forward to seeing it… Is it possible to hide anything from it? (‘it’ being the MILGRAM machine that produces the songs). I see now...

Es: In time, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll see the vulnerabilities in the lies of a murderer.. Though I’ve already seen through it a while ago.

Kazui: So… You’re going to do all that?

Es: What do you think?

Kazui: Well, it’s not so bad… sounds just like an adult, doesn’t it?

Es: (laughs) Being an adult, huh… Don’t use that as an excuse for you behavior, coward*

Kazui: (offended sound)

Es: In this place, it doesn’t matter whether you’re an adult or a child. MILGRAM forces you to stare deep into yourself, and you can’t escape.

Kazui: I…. see. I don’t care about this place of yours, and it hasn’t even scratched my surface. I just want to be stronger than it. (?)

Kazui: Of course, I’ve killed, and now I have no reservations about breaking any other laws. It’s different… I wonder if I’m in trouble. Nothing has changed, but I don’t know how to feel. Don’t talk to me like you know what I’m feeling, kid.

Es: (offended noise)...

Es: Welcome, Mukuhara Kazui. I feel like we’ve met before… It's nice to meet you. I am Es, the prison guard of MILGRAM.

Kazui: (exhales, chuckles) Starting again, huh? Well, you won't regret it, that kind of relationship would be painful,

Es: That’s alright, isn’t it? Causing you pain is my job.

Kazui: Mm, you’re a pro.

Es: Surely, as just a regular human being, you can’t be totally prepared for this.

(Bell rings, machinery starts whirring)

Kazui: What’s this?

Es: It’s time for your cross-examination. You’ll face your regrets from now on.

Kazui: (sighs) Someone help… this is too much for me…

Es: That’s right, Kazui… show me your true feelings.

Kazui: Ahaha… Well, I’m embarrassed to concede to a child and say all that…

Es: Don’t worry. I’m going to know your soul from now on.

Kazui: Finding the truth of my inner feelings, huh? Alright.

Es: That’s right.

Kazui: Ah… oh, Prison guard-kun?

Es: What is it?

Kazui: This personality of mine… I’ve developed it from living in the world. Could you tell me about your own experiences? It’s a little annoying to have such a one-sided relationship, isn't it?

Es: I’m not interested in myself.

Kazui: That’s a lot of new information to add to the situation… I… I hide my own sins behind a delusion… I don’t know what you will see when it’s opened.

Es: Kazui…

Kazui: How’s that? Can you see how fickle adults are?

Es: Shut up. You’re the one who’s fickle.

Kazui: (laughs) Tough, isn't it? But is it the end?

Es: Prisoner #7, Kazui. Now, sing your sins.

#MILGRAM #voice drama #ミルグラム

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lovebecomeshim · 3 years ago

Note

hello! your zutara posting today has finally motivated me to ask this question because I came to atla very late(last year, to be specific) and I Love It Very Much but am 1000% out of the loop as far as why what remains of fandom (at least that I've seen among my friends) is so very strongly zutara. I'm not opposed to it per se I just don't really know what has driven it to apparently be such a popular ship? can you help me understand and maybe convert me a little bit?

Hey!! Your ICON! :D I can try but I’m not sure how coherent I’ll be; however I AM sure someone a lot more competent will be willing to add to this. Either way, I’m glad you asked because my plan was to drag down as many people as possible with me.

*smacks the hood of zutara* this baby can fit so much mutual love and support!

This got so long, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to put it under a cut on mobile and it already got deleted once so I’m scared to mess with it lol. Moving on.

I’m gonna start this with a disclaimer that im on mobile so formatting is tricky and I’m also really new to atla in that I only completed my first watch through in like 2019??? So some of my info is all just based on what I’ve picked up from Discourse 👀 so anyway the sparknotes version: zutara was wildly popular from the beginning. To the point where the atla crew internally disagreed on which ship should be endgame. (Ex. Bryke [showrunners] asked the writers to rewrite The Southern Raiders to make Zuko seem less ideal for Katara than Aang [which failed, depending on who you ask]; the animation team purposefully created a visual parrallel between Oma and Shu in the Cave of Two Lovers and Zuko and Katara in the catacombs under Ba Sing Se in the Crossroads of Destiny; etc.)

The ship was popular enough that Bryke actually chose to display zk fanart at a con for the sole purpose of mocking the fans, but that’s neither here nor there. The entire episode Ember Island Players, while a love letter to/parody of the whole show, was an opportunity to address zutara’s viability as a canon pairing (while, again, mocking zutaras for romanticizing that catacombs scene). Point is! It’s always been popular but with it not being endgame, there’s got to be something that’s given it staying power.

And that’s honestly got to do with three things: their dynamic, thematic cohesion, and potential.

(You know what... you know what, it’s four things. The fourth is they’re so aesthetically pleasing together and individually. Like, they’re just good looking people [specifically when they’re grown but they’re also cute kids] and that absolutely doesn’t hurt) (but it’s not the Point, it’s just nice to point out sometimes)

The dynamic is hard to get into without also looking at the canon pairings, but I think I can do that without unnecessary bashing. It’s just that part of the magic of zutara is really highlighted by what they give to each other that their other relationships don’t.

First off, it’s classic enemies to (would be) lovers. The absolute truest form of it. It’s not too different from how CS started out: a rogue antagonist with a job to do—but no personal vendetta against the future love interest—who is deeply and emotionally invested in his personal storyline (revenge/redemption) with little regard for how it effects other people after his entire life and genuine good nature are marred by suffering, and a fierce warrior girl with a strong moral compass and her own personal investment in stopping him (protect her family and save the world doing it). Obviously frustration and animosity grew between them by the nature of them being on opposing sides, but that just lends itself to the sweetness of their later reconciliation.

The thing is that while they’re wildly different on the surface (he’s a hot-headed prince of a fascist regime who is trying to capture the Avatar to please his father; she’s a nurturing daughter of the chief who is trying to protect and train the Avatar in order to topple his father’s throne) they find out that they have so much more in common both in their experiences and their personalities.

(What follows is an excessive use of the word “both” and I’m sorry about that)(I can edit it. I can do that. That IS an option............)

They both have an innate sense of justice that they are determined to see done (zuko, at the war meeting, sticking up for the Earth Kingdom kid when the guards torment his family, choosing not to steal from the pregnant couple despite his circumstances, abiding by his word to leave the SWT should Aang come willingly, etc.; katara, literally.... at any point). They both have pretty one-track minds at accomplishing certain goals once they’ve put their mind to it, regardless of a lack of support in that endeavor (it goes without saying I guess, but zuko’s entire hunt; katara’s determination to get the earth benders to fight back, her determination to absolutely destroy Pakku until he agrees to teach her, etc.). They both lost their mothers at young ages. Their worlds are war-torn and traumatizing to them both, if in different ways, but that ultimately forces them to grow up too quickly to be wholly independent individuals. They both have issues with their fathers (for WILDLY different reasons, but). They both hold extreme prejudices that they need to learn to overcome (which ties into thematic cohesion)(bit like Lizzie and Darcy in that way but magnified by a million). They’re both extremely emotional and empathetic—which can and often does result in loud outbursts. Katara’s a bit better adjusted and can temper her anger for longer than S1 Zuko can, but they both feel that anger deeply and have no compunctions expressing it (Katara is, usually, more justified, particularly in S1. Again, S1 Zuko is severely maladjusted but at the point when they could’ve feasibly become a couple, he’s so much better off with the way he carries himself). They both struggle with feelings of inferiority in their bending abilities when confronted with prodigal benders like Aang and Azula, but have the work ethic required to double down and become two of the most powerful benders in the three remaining nations. This is a little more minor but it is a parrallel that appeals to some shippers that they both have these alter egos in the Painted Lady (notably fire nation coded) and the Blue Spirit (water tribe coded) that are pretty different from who they are day-to-day and are useful in accomplishing a purpose that they as themselves cannot.

(I’m.... I just realized that this could potentially get very long. Should I have made a slide show with bullet points??????)

Anyway, similar. I know there’s more but there’s literally so much to love about zutara that I’ll drive myself a little crazy trying to compile all the ways they’re similar. (Just gonna say that at this exact moment I went back to add more similarities.... so okay then)

Once they’ve reconciled, we see how all of these things only lend themselves to a deeper intimacy together than they share with literally anyone else. There’s a steady partnership that positions them as the mom/dad of the gaang, while also providing the support necessary to allow the other to not have to carry so much responsibility. A lot of zutaras will point out how zuko is actually depicted doing the more domestic chores that are normally relegated to Katara once he joins the gaang, since the others in the group are two 12-year-olds and sokka. The one that sticks out the most is how he makes tea for the group and then serves them, while Katara is able to just relax with her friends around the fire. Fanon expands upon this a lot to Zuko helping with the laundry or the cooking or whatever else needs doing since he, as a once-refugee, is used to doing his own domestic tasks. Before Zuko joined, Katara was the one mothering everyone, sewing for them, cooking for them, etc. She’s always tending to the needs of the group, and that includes emotionally. She does the emotional labor for the gaang 99% of the time, but when she’s the one falling apart, she’s usually doing it alone and without the comfort that she normally provides for others. Until Zuko. And that’s before they’re even friends.

Which is WHY people romanticize the catacombs of Ba Sing Se so much. Katara is verbally attacking Zuko out of her own righteous anger but also her own prejudice when Zuko, surprisingly, chooses to be vulnerable with her. He’s been on a journey that’s opened his eyes a bit, but he’s never actively chosen to expose the rawest parts of his past to anyone. But for some reason he chooses to do that with Katara of all people. While she’s yelling at him. He sees her humanity, and for once can look past his prejudice and empathize with her. And this time, when she breaks down, she gets to be comforted. Katara normally talks about her mother when she’s trying to explain to someone else that she sees and understands they’re pain, as a form of comfort to them. Here, Zuko uses the exact same tactic. He sees her and he understands. And for zuko? He’s not being shut down. He’s allowed to articulate his pain regarding his mother without being ignored and made to internalize it, and he’s allowed to process how he feels about his scar out loud without being told that he deserved it. And then he lets her touch his scar, something we’ve seen him actively avoid before. He’s completely open to her and she’s completely open to him and all it took was one five minute conversation. She was about to use the little bit of Spirit water that she had, that she was saving for something Important, to heal the scar that still daily causes him pain just because they had, somehow, connected.

Plus there’s the whole parallel to the star-crossed lovers forbidden from one another, a war divides their people—

And then zuko messes up, he regresses, he gets what he wants and he HATES it. And the sense of justice he had as a child has been restored to him against his will and he can’t think of anything he wants to do more than the Right Thing, so he joins team avatar. Before he does that though, we get to see his relationship with Mai, which is where comparison really comes in. And what we see is Zuko, fresh off of his encounter with Katara in the catacombs, trying to be emotionally honest with Mai... and getting shut down and dismissed. Which is just how Mai is and it’s fine, but not for Zuko. Still, he keeps trying, and he keeps getting ignored or scoffed at or yelled at. Which is really a larger symbol for how he doesn’t fit in his old life anymore, but again that’s about thematic cohesion. He tries to articulate his anxieties about returning home, he tries to make romantic gestures, he tries to explain how morally conflicted he’s feeling—and Mai diverts to some kind of physical affection to shut him up and a parting comment that is pretty much always, in essence, “I don’t wanna talk about this.” So they don’t. On the other hand, once zuko and Katara are friends, we see him again emotionally distraught and caught up in his anxieties about facing Iroh, and it’s Katara who comes to him and listens to him and comforts and encourages him.

Similarly, we have Aang clamming up and getting uncomfortable whenever Katara shows any negative emotion, usually resulting in him making excuses or running away. Or, in the case of the Southern Raiders, lecturing her on how she needs to just let go of her anger about her mother’s murder. People have talked this episode to death and usually better than I ever could, so imma... keep it brief. There’s a serious disconnect between Aang and Katara in his ability to empathize with Katara and her needs that has her tamping down her vulnerability and amping up her anger. He tells her that he was able to forgive his people’s genocide and appa’s kidnapping (petnapping? Theft??), which is blatantly not true but also not an entirely equal parrallel to Katara’s situation, and continues making these little remarks throughout the episode. But it’s Zuko that Katara opens up to. It’s with him that she’s able to talk about the most traumatic day of her life, and it’s with him that she’s able to get the closure she needs, cementing their bond as friends and partners. This disagreement between Aang and Katara is then... never resolved. They just never bring it up and hear what the other is saying.

There’s a fic called The Portraits of Ember Island that has a line that so completely sums up the heart of the matter for why people love their dynamic. For context, zuko has woken up early to help Katara with the cooking and they spend the whole time just letting one another talk, and zuko stops to ask why she always just lets him talk. And so she stops to ask why he’s always helping, and it goes as follows:

There’s just... so much mutual support! Trust! Intimacy!! And it just continues like that from the Southern Raiders on, listening to each other, advising each other, watching each other’s backs! And then! Literally saving each other’s lives!! I will never be over the last Agni kai. Not ever. Zuko may have been willing to jump in front of lightning for anyone, but he actually did it for Katara. And in a show, that’s the thing that really matters. It’s a fulfilled trope usually exclusively applied to romantic pairings, and it ended up applying to Zuko and Katara. And then she ran out into the middle of a fight with tunnel vision just to get to him.

Also!! Also Zuko pushing Katara out of the way of the falling rocks at the Western Air Temple!! And Katara catching him as he fell from the war balloon that he fought Azula on!! Before they’re even getting along, they’re the ones reaching for each other. They come to this place of equal ground, as partners, who watch each other’s backs, call each other out but still listen attentively and understand, and provide the support that the other has been sorely lacking up until they knew each other (whether that be from lack of effort or lack of understanding from others, or an unwillingness to accept it for themselves).

Then, trailing along under the surface of this, we see the themes of the show totally embodied by Zuko and Katara as individuals and in their relationship to one another. There’s a YouTuber, sneezyreviews, who has a, like, 2-hour explanation on why she not only loves zutara but also believes that their endgame would’ve actually elevated the writing of atla to new levels particularly because of thematic cohesion and resolved character arcs. It’s the zutara dissertation I never knew I needed, and it’s funny and eloquent and effective, so I’m just going to sum up her section on thematic cohesion to the best of my abilities and then link it for whenever you have the time. And I HIGHLY recommend it, especially if you want a full understanding of what makes zutara so great and gives it such longevity.

Guru pathik has a line that goes something like this: separation is an illusion; things that seem different are just two parts of the same whole. Iroh also tells Zuko something similar: balance and strength are achieved when the different nations come together and influence one another and celebrate what makes them each unique. And this lesson is a massive central arc that both Zuko and Katara go through, moving past a black-and-white, good guys-vs-bad guys, us-vs-them mentality and into a greyer, more nuanced view of the world. Zuko sees the fire nation from an entirely new perspective and while he still loves and hopes for his nations future, he surrenders his blind loyalty to them in exchange for an unflinching loyalty to peace and love. Katara too had to come to terms with the fact that cruel people exist in the earth kingdom and water tribes, while some fire nation citizens are just regular, kind people who also need and deserve to have someone speak on their behalf. And this is honed in directly on how they view each other. They grow in their individual journeys to be open to the humanity in the other and then, once they’ve found that, they’re able to grow more in compassion for others in a beautiful feedback loop. And this is all matched in the symbolism repeatedly and intentionally associated with them in canon: sun and moon, fire and water, yin and yang, Oma and Shu who found love despite their warring nations. Their individual arcs are completed in each other and complement the themes of atla beautifully.

The canon pairs... just don’t. Which, again, is fine. But the very things that give atla longevity and popularity are anchored in zutara. Kat@ang doesn’t accomplish this. They’re... nice. Sweet. Especially when you erase a good portion of their interactions in S3. It could’ve been just a sweet love story. (Personally, the dynamic between toph and aang accomplish the same thing that zutara does, with complementary personalities that fulfill the theme of opposites blending in harmony) M@iko, on the other hand, is less sweet but I think wasn’t even supposed to last. Zuko’s relationship with Mai seems to represent his relationship with his old life as a whole. He can’t be emotionally vulnerable, he’s goaded into abusing his privileges, his agency and opinions aren’t respected. They just don’t have common ground with which to discuss anything that matters, so they don’t. As far as themes, the relationship doesn’t fit with atla. It’s zuko returning to and sticking with what is (on the surface) like him, what’s expected. Fire nation with fire nation. Fluid water bender with the flexible air bender. Like with like, separated from what is different and challenging and complementary.

And all of these things combined of course lead to the potential for the ship. I don’t know how familiar you are with the post-atla canon but... well, miss “I will never turn my back on people who need me”, miss “I don’t want to heal! I want to fight!” ends up living quietly in the SWT as a designated healer who turns a blind eye to the water tribe civil war happening right outside her front door. Which can be fine! People change! Some people just wanna stay inside. I just wanna stay inside! But the potential future for zutara is so much more satisfying, with Katara becoming the most unconventional Fire Lady the uppity old cads who are stuck on the old ways have ever seen. Fanon has her serving as a voice for the other nations within a kingdom at the point of its biggest political upheaval, as a confidante to Zuko who can actually help him while he’s trying to figure out how to move forward and make reparations. They have the opportunity, together, to accomplish what they both have set on their hearts to fight for: positive change that lends itself to harmony and balance. And the steambabies! A popular headcanon is that their firstborn daughter, the crown princess, is actually a waterbender, which causes such an uproar among the people who are adamantly clinging to the old ways. It’s just a future full of potential to be forces for good together, full of trust, intimacy, joy. The exact era of peace and love and balance that zuko announces that he intends to ring in with the start of his reign as Fire Lord is, again, magnified by the very personal zutara relationship. And we love to see it.

tl;dr zutara isn’t for everyone. Some people just don’t vibe with it. Some are nostalgic. Some love the canon they grew up with. Some have been disappointed for years. Some just see themselves in other characters and want their happiness instead. Whatever the reason, that’s fine. But for me, I love the way these two, from the moment they give each other a fair chance, are able to lower their walls and prejudices to see the other for the kindred spirits they are. They see each other’s humanity, and their response is to pour out love and support and compassion. I love that they’re a power couple in battle. I love the symbolism and, honestly, soulmatism that colors their every interaction. I love that they embody the whole storyline of atla in their relationship and how it develops, which is notably why their seasonal arcs always culminate in each finale with how they relate to one another. I love that zuko adopting a waterbending move is what actually saves his life and then katara’s. I love the chemistry! And I love the future they could’ve had, instead of the ones they were given.

So, in conclusion: I just think they’re neat and I hope you do too, at least a little bit. Even if it’s just respectfully from a disinterested distance cause you do you. And now here is the video I mentioned. I’m sorry this post got so long and then I gave you an even longer homework assignment, but I can’t recommend it enough. She says it all better than I can.

youtube

#zutara #atla #zutara rant #like really the way the canon relationships were written throughout s3 #it would’ve been more believable for zutara to happen #or at least be hinted at #all of the major issues presented in those relationship were dug up extensively and then... never resolved #and then they just slapped some kisses on a screen and said ‘there all better’#and we just kinda had to say ‘oh ok guess it’s all better then’#this got long I’m sorry #I wrote it all out and then tumblr ate 2/3 of it #which is why it took so long #and what I’ve written now doesn’t even match what I had before #because there’s too much to say about why I love zutara #and the stuff I left out the first time is what came out this time #rip to my original thoughts but this post is different #anyway that’s why this took so long #and I should’ve just made a PowerPoint...#I can do that too if you’d rather not read all of this lol #I won’t be offended #this is incoherent #Alia rambles uselessly #also hoping this doesn’t end up in any wrong tags because I don’t wanna step on toes lol #it’s not anti!! it’s just critical #in a compare/contrast way #I can pinpoint the moment when I started trying to rewrite my points from memory #because everything gets shorter and more succinct #like... I really said all that??? sounds fake and I don’t remember it anyway so here’s the condensed version #with no!! smooth!!! transitions!!!!#also why am I so lazy with proper grammar over text

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swagatron9 · 2 years ago

Text

Forgotten Innocence

Chapter 2: ~ Sylvia Bennet ~

The next day, Silas and I were introduced to the people that had arrived, Rick, Shane and Carl's entire group had shown up early in the morning and were greeted with the news that Carl would be fine, but they were the only people happy. The Greene family were mourning the loss of their loved one and so we held a memorial for Otis.

I was folding up Silas and I's blankets that we used the night prior when Maggie walked in. "You don't need to do that, you two can just keep sleepin' there. I talked with my daddy and he said he was fine with the two of ya'll stayin' inside-"

"Actually Maggie, Silas and I might head out," I told Maggie. She was shocked, to say the least as she stared at me in confusion. "We don't know these people, we don't know you. It's best we get out of all of your ways." I explained.

Maggie shook her head. "You ain't a problem to us at all. Ya'll are quiet, and as long as ya'll help around the farm there won't be any problems. We're happy to help that group and we're happy to help ya'll too." She walked over to me and stopped me from folding the sheets. "Please stay, I could use with someone my age hanging 'round here."

"Please Sylvie. Please can we stay?" Silas begged. I could see Maggie smiling at me from the corner of my eye.

I sighed before nodding my head. "We'll stay," I announced. Silas ran over to me and hugged me before giving Maggie a hug. It was safe to safe that overnight Maggie had grown close to us and was more willing to help out. "What can we do to help?" I asked Maggie.

"Well Silas can come and try this food I made, and you can help me wash the dishes." Maggie deadpanned. I glared at the back of her head as we followed her into the kitchen. "I was thinking about going for a run into town if you'd like to tag along, Beth would happily look after Silas for you," Maggie told me as she threw me a towel.

I started drying some of the dishes on the counter whilst Maggie continued washing. "Sure, I have to get some things for me and Silas, and besides I think he may have a crush on Beth." I teased the boy sitting at the table.

He yelled with a mouthful of food, "I do not!" Maggie and I laughed at his response. "But Beth is really pretty though." He admitted his face bright red.

"Well, I think ya' out of luck little man. Bethy has a boyfriend." Silas pouted. "And besides, you're too young for a girlfriend. My daddy would have a fit if I was running 'round tryna find myself a boyfriend at your age."

Dale came rushing inside. "There's a walker in your well." He panted. Maggie took one look at me before drying her hands and following Dale back outside.

"I like it here Sylvie, everyone's so nice. I can't wait until Carl wakes up and then we can be best friends." Silas handed his finished dishes to me as he talked.

I stopped Silas as he went to walk outside. "Stay inside until Maggie comes back okay? If you want you can help me clean up." I told Silas. He whined at my response and trudged back over to me. "When anything happens outside you come back in here okay? Keep yourself out of danger." I informed him.

As time went on when I finished drying off one of the dishes Silas would put it away and that continued on until I finished and then Maggie returned, only she looked more pale and ill. "You alright?" I asked the sickly-looking girl.

"I'm fine. We should head out now, Beth's in her room Silas." Silas ran off up the stairs and I followed Maggie out of the house. "You rode a horse before?"

"Once, when I was like twelve." I watched as she untied the horses from their posts and then hopped on her own. I mimicked her actions of getting up before awkwardly sitting on it.

The ride to town was short, but it felt long as I struggled to control the animal. "Ya' havin' fun?" Maggie called out from in front of me.

"Something like that," I responded. I held on tightly to the horse's reins as we slowed to a stop at the pharmacy. The pharmacy had already been raided of most of its important things, but I still packed a few extras that I thought could be useful. "What else was on that list?" I approached Maggie as she stared down at the bit of paper in confusion. She showed me what was on an individual note. "Pregnancy tests? Wow."

I walked over to the feminine hygiene sections and threw her the box of pregnancy tests before picking up some condoms. "Why are you gettin' that. You got a boyfriend out there? Is that why you were tryna' run away so soon?" Maggie questioned.

"The last thing those people need is another child, I'm sure they'll be thankful that I'm getting these," I replied as I shoved them in her bag.

I returned to looking through some more items. "Do you ever think 'bout it?" Maggie asked as she walked beside me.

"About what?"

"Sex." I paused in my place as I turned around to look at her. "I mean, don't you get lonely out there? I know I do, wouldn't it just be nice to relax and get down and dirty?"

"Never really thought about it before, with Silas and all the last thing I'm worried about is sex." I shrugged my shoulders. I went to exit the pharmacist when Maggie said something that stopped me.

“Silas isn’t here now.” I frowned at her response and turned around to see her staring at me. “It’s just us two and this place is empty.” Maggie took slow strides as she made her way over to me.

Her eyes flickered down to my lips and suddenly everything happened fast. Her lips were on mine before I could even register what was going on.

I caved into my urges and kissed the farmers daughter back. Her lips were surprisingly smooth like she had freshly used chapstick.

Her hands found their way to the back of my head as she ran her fingers through my hair. My own hands found their place on her waist as I slowly teased the skin showing. Maggie pulled away from the kids to pull her shirt up before doing the same to my own. “You are so perfect.” She mumbled as she looked me up and down.

I looked around behind us before nodding in the direction of the back of the pharmacy. “Probably shouldn’t do this out here.” I told her as I grabbed her hand and pulled her along behind me.

Maggie smirked at my words. “Ya’ that are ya’?” As we entered the room I closed the door and pressed her up against it. My lips found hers once again and then I slowly trailed down to her neck. “Not there. Don’t want daddy to find out.” She panted.

I placed my lips lower until they reached her chest where I sucked at the skin. I reached around her back and undid her bra and allowed it to fall.

With her tits on full display, my hands reached up to caress them. I leaned down and licked at her one of her hardened nipples while I fondled with the other one in my hand. My kisses then followed down her stomach until I reached the waistband of her pants. “You sure about this?” I asked.

Her hooded eyes were watching my every movement as she nodded her head. “I’m certain.” Maggie confirmed. With that being said, I helped Maggie shimmy out of her pants, her underwear coming along with them. Teasing her, I kissed her thigh close to her private area drawing out the session even longer. “You’re driven’ me crazy here.”

I took one finger and slid it though her folds, her wetness coming off and onto my finger. “You been thinking about this for a while have you?” I teased. Maggie shook her head and smiled at me.

I pushed her legs so she was stood with them apart a little before leaning forward. Spreading her folds and revealing to me her most sensitive area, my head dipped for and I flicked my tongue against her bud. The moan Maggie let out was one of surprise as she gripped onto my hair.

After hearing her reaction, I tried it once again, this time taking a longer stride as I got a taste of her wetness.

With Maggie pushing holding me close, I finally gave in to watch she wanted and lapped at her clit. Her moans were muffled as she covered he mouth with her hand, but I still enjoyed it nonetheless.

I sucked on her sensitive bud and alternated between doing that and licking. I then eased a finger in her hole and slowly pushed it in further. With one hand in her vagina, I kept the other one on her stomach to hold her in place.

I hummed as she let out a louder moan when I moved my finger. The vibration from my mouth adding to Maggie’s pleasure. I slid another finger in and began to thrust them in an out.

My eyes were glued to Maggie’s face as she had her head resting against the door. One hand was still on the back of my head whilst the other was pressed into the wall, occasionally she would grip at it in the hopes of getting some leverage. She looked ethereal as she moaned. With her eyes shut tightly and her mouth left hanging open.

“Damn Sylvia, ya’ really know how to use ya’ mouth, don’t ya’?” Maggie groaned. “I’m gonna cum soon.” Her voice grew higher as she got closer and closer to that bubble bursting.

My hand thrusted faster and my tongue flicked quicker as I urged her into her release. The feeling of her clenching around my fingers and her much louder moans signaled to me that she was cumming.

The grip she had on my hair was tight as she came on my fingers. Her breathing was heavy and her chest moved up and down. I pulled my fingers out after drawing out her orgasm for as long as possible, my fingers coated in her cum.

“You’re turn now.”

The ride back to the farm was tense; after our session in the pharmacy, no words were exchanged. "So-"

"Don't spoil it." Maggie cut me off before I could get my words out.

"I wasn't gonna talk-"

"Look, it was a one-time thing, that's all." Maggie hopped off her horse and walked away, leaving me to tie the horses up to their posts on my own. I watched as she walked up to her father and strikes up a short conversation with him before marching back into the house.

#Daryl Dixon #Daryl Dixon Fan Fic #Daryl Dixon x reader #the walking dead #the walking dead x reader #the walking dead fan fic #Maggie Greene #Maggie Greene x reader #Maggie Greene smut

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thefanficmonster · 3 years ago

Note

I may or may not have just sent the 3 word challenge in my real account instead of anon... I'm sorry. Please don't answer there. :)

When you post, post answering here please.

Again, much love,

📚🌻

Don't worry dear! Your identity shall remain a secret 🥰 Here's yet another fic with my Resident Evil OC: Gwen Winters (she’s an adult guys, don’t worry. However this is still an Older Man/Younger Woman relationship)

The words dear 📚🌻 Anon gave me in their previous ask were: Unruly, endurable and system. Please enjoy!

What happens in the gym....

Pairing: Chris Redfield x Female OC

Warnings: Swearing, Spoiler Free 😊

Genre: Angsty Romance

“Sure, throw me in the fire like you always do, Leon!“ Chris snaps, clenching his fists tightly as he glares at his best friend while the two stand in the dimly lit gym.

“Chris, you’re a BSAA captain, for the love of God! You should know better than to complain about something as little as this!“ Leon, while significantly calmer tone and demeanor-wise, is glaring daggers of his own.

“Why me, damn it?! And why her?!“ Chris is not done with his attempts to get out of the situation Leon’s trying to land him in and his partner’s honestly done with it.

“And why not?! You see the same potential I see, why would it be so hard to train her? She’s a quick learner, she’s disciplined when she wants to be and she’s already skilled to a certain degree. You’ve made soldiers out of total wimps before, why is she such a hassle to you?!“

“Because she’s disciplined when she wants to be and I guarantee she won’t want to when she’s around me. She’s unruly, selfish, arrogant and a Chris-phobe. I’m telling you, she hates me!“

It’s about time Leon’s had enough of this conversation. To be honest, he was done with it as soon as it started but he stayed, thinking he’d be able to change Chris’ mind but seeing as how this is a hopeless case, he’s just been wasting his time. “Does she? Or are you projecting your hate for her onto her?” Slinging his duffel bag containing his training gear over his shoulder, Leon finally makes that realization that these are ten minutes of his life he’ll never get back and storms out of the gym without another word.

Chris doesn’t attempt to stop him, in fact, he’s relieved he left. He sighs, silently hating himself for all the shit he said and how he meant none of it. It was all hard bullshit and he doesn’t know whether to be thankful or disappointed that Leon didn’t realize. Either way, he’s been cleared of possible suspicion, even if training the newest BSAA rookie still remains as his task.

Gwen Winters, she’s such a fucking handful. One cannot tell if it’s because she’s angry with the world, angry with herself or just straight up picked up on the habits of the family that took her in when she was rescued from Raccoon City where she was held as an experiment hamster. A chemistry project basically. Ethan and Mia were recovering from the events back in Louisiana at the time, still probably are, that is not some shit you get over, so they thought having another person in the house would help them. And help Gwen did. See, Gwen isn’t a handful with everyone. In fact, she’s a real sweetheart and Chris knows it too, despite his bogus claims. He knows she’s got a heart and soul of gold and is built with the will of a BSAA soldier already. All she needs is a bit better fighting skills and she’s good to go.

He sees how she acts with everyone around him. She’s been quick to make friends with Jill and his sister Claire and she’s even got Leon’s liking and trust which is hella hard to get, especially after all the shit with Ada. She’s overall a super sweet and lovely girl, even with him from time to time. He’s seen her welcoming, friendly smiles whenever he stops by the Winters’ home. He’s heard her laugh at the jokes he rarely cracks.

Then why does she act like she hates him so often? And why does he claim he hates her?

Chris is snapped back to reality by the sound of rough impact. It’s a very distinct noise, one he places immediately: the sound of fists hitting a punching bag. It’s the middle of the night, almost midnight actually, and knowing how lazy the soldiers on his team are, he can only assume it’s either his sister or Jill, given that Leon just left. However, they’ve had people sneak in to train for free before, so it’d be for the best if he went to check who was releasing some pent up energy on the poor punching bag. Judging by the intensity of the punches being thrown, sounds like the person might be angry as well.

And they have every right to be. Because they are Gwen.

Chris’ face goes a bit red at the sight of the infuriated rookie giving the punching bag her all, punishing it the way she’d want to do to her superior she just heard call her all the names she hates being referred by.

“Winters I-“

“Unruly?“ Punch “Selfish?” Punch “Arrogant?” Punch

She stills herself, sighing and wiping the droplets of sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, “You say all that and expect me not to be a Chris-phobe?” She lets out a bitter laugh, rolling her shoulders before continuing her wrath over the piece of equipment she’s threatening to destroy. She hasn’t spared him a single look yet, something he’s rather grateful for because the last thing he wants to see is whatever her gaze is hiding right now. “I’ll talk to Leon.” She says, her voice leveled and breathy, far from the pissed off tone she was just using. This calmness is a lot scarier though. “I’ll tell him I don’t want you to be my trainer. To be perfectly clear, I never wanted you to train me in the first place. I’m just not the type to complain, you know. I’m not picky. Beggers can’t be choosers. I take what I can get. And you were all I was offered, but...” she trails off, delivering a particularly hard punch, “It’s not gonna work. I may not be picky, but I know when to draw the line. I know when I deserve better.”

“Kid, you really have no idea what the case really is here.“ He attempts desperately, taunted by the thought of acting on his instincts and approaching her even if that means being the recipient of one of those hard punches.

“You know, I’m strong. I’m skilled. I can hold my own in a fight quite nicely. I’m endurable. I’m not afraid to work my ass off and sweat and pant like a dog after workouts. There’s not a line I wouldn’t cross, but you still choose to make me feel lesser than any soldier you’ve ever come across, that’s really lovely of you, Captain Redfield.“

“Winters, please...“

“It’s ok, I won’t tell Ethan and Mia. I’m sure they’ll send you to hell over it. I’m not petty like that.“

He’s had enough. He’s had enough of hearing that hurt tone in her voice. He’s done hearing these words she’s so certain are true but aren’t. He’s done lying to her and to himself. Before he can even think twice about it, he grabs her by the arms gently but firmly, turning her to face him despite her hostile attempts to free herself from his hold like a wild animal caught in a trap. He’s surprised when she relaxes, probably seeing that as a quicker way out of the situation rather than struggling though if she tried to free herself any longer he would’ve probably let her go.

“Fucking hell, Gwen, listen to me.“ He looks her dead in the eyes, catching onto the spark of shock created by his use of her first name. But he also sees something else, something that looks dangerously a lot like tears. He knows she won’t cry, especially not in front of him, but knowing that he’s the cause behind the welling of those crystal droplets in her always shiny, always smiling eyes breaks him. When she doesn’t look away nor protest, he continues, “I can’t be your captain. I can’t be your trainer. I can’t be any of that. I’m a strictly professional man, and it’d be highly unprofessional of me to take you in as my soldier.”

“But why?“ She’s fully aware she sounds like a whiny kid - exactly how she thinks he envisions her sometimes - but she couldn’t care less. She wants and needs answers. She knows she won’t be able to fall asleep or keep coming back to the training center if she doesn’t get them.

It’s blatantly clear this is far from easy for Chris. His first instinct is to look away, let go of her, run away like he always does - not that she’d let him do such a thing but still. He’s finds the words impossible to spit out yet he oh so desperately feels the need to get them out of his system. And so, he gathers all the strength within him and finally forces himself to say it.

“Because a captain isn’t supposed to look at a soldier the way I look at you.“

Sure, it sounds cryptic as heck but he has no doubt she’ll catch on. Gwen is a smart and sharp girl, among many other things. She confirms this when barely three seconds after he’s said it, he notices her eyes widening

“Sir, I-“

“Don’t.“ He says simply, a small, regretful smile playing across his lips as his hand slides down her arm to take hold of hers, “I just admitted my dirtiest secret to you and you are still gonna remind me how unprofessional I am by using my title, Kid?“

She purses her lips, the shock momentarily replaced by her signature mild glare, “Well, you just admitted your biggest secret to me and yet you still choose to call me ‘Kid’, huh?”

He chuckles, letting his other hand repeat the movements of the first, “Sorry, force of habit.” His thumbs brush against her knuckles briefly as his head falls, his gaze fixating on where their bodies are connected, “You know, I didn’t tell you this to get myself any pity or anything. I just wanted you to understand and....wanted to get it off my chest. Ethan will kill me if he finds out, won’t he?” He suddenly asks, regaining the courage to look up at her once again.

She giggles, “Who says he’s gonna find out?”

Chris bites the inside of his cheek, shaking his head, “You’re right, there’s nothing really to find out abo-”

Gwen has never been a chatter nor can she tolerate when people beat around the bush so she’s quick to cut them off sometimes, no matter how rude that may seem or sound. However, just to clarify, her chosen method of cutting a person off isn’t always kissing them. Just saying - this is a special situation requiring special methods.

Taken aback by the sudden feeling of her lips on his, Chris’ eyes close automatically but not even a second later he responds to the kiss properly: wrapping his arms around Gwen’s waist as her hands travel up to cup his face. The kiss is short - too short if either of them is to be asked - but it’s worth all the words they didn’t say despite wanting to.

When they pull away, Gwen gives him a mischievous smile, “Now he could find out about that and then shit would go south. That’d suck, wouldn’t it Chris?“

He’s only ever heard her say his name twice, once in passing conversation with Claire and once earlier when she paraphrased his term ‘Chris-phobe’, both time spoken with some dose of dislike he now realizes was a cover-up all along. Turns out the two are a lot more alike than they initially thought. Regardless, hearing her say his name with fondness instead of bitterness makes his heart flutter, his body yearn to have her closer, his lips wanting to be in contact with hers again. But he’s a patient and self-controlled man, he’s nothing if not willpower sculpted in a human body, so he keeps his distance, waiting for her to pick the moves, waiting for her to make the decisions just like she’s his captain.

“Big time.“ He manages to say, voice coarse all of a sudden, barely able to leave his throat. “So it stays here, right?”

She giggles again, bringing her lips within an inch or two away from his, taunting him, threatening to break his self-control, “What happens in the gym stays in the gym, Redfield.”

Golden rules of discretion, ones he mustn’t break ever. Especially not when his captain - Captain Gwen Winters - holds so much power over him.

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worksby-gabriella · 4 years ago

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USO Girl?

Halloween!Steve x Halloween!female!reader

Summary: Steve and reader meet at a Stark Industries halloween party, but the reader is dressed up as a USO girl. 🇺🇸

Warnings: None really, just a terrible title.

Request from: @lighterthanstardust (technical difficulties with tagging at the moment)

Putting on the last few touches of your red lipstick, your phone dings.

Nat: Are you still coming? I wanna introduce you to some people :)

Y/N: On my way

Natasha had been begging you to come to Stark's Halloween party for the past month, you kept saying no because you're content with your little tradition of buying candy, curling up and watching horror movies every Halloween. But Natasha was persistent, and adamant about you going. She would come to your workplace at shield, whether you were training, taking a call, or welcoming a new recruit, and bother you until you gave in.

You were pretty sure the reason she wanted you at the party was so she could introduce you to her co-workers? Friends? Family? Whatever she called them, you've heard her refer to them as many different things over the years. And well, you guessed correct based off the text.

Shutting your door and walking out of your apartment complex, you could hear your silver kitten heels click clacking on the cement ground. Getting into your car and checking the adress off the piece of paper Natasha gave you, you turn on the ignition and speed off.

Pulling into the parking lot of a very tall building, that you assume is Stark Tower, you see a red headed figure standing out front.

As you park your car and get out, Natasha starts walking towards you. Pulling you in for a hug and letting go, she takes a good once over of your USO girl costume.

"Damn, 'might as well take you home tonight girl!" She says as she twirls you around.

"Thanks but look at you, Kim Possible!"

Natasha hooks her left arm with your right arm, as you both start walking towards the entrance.

"What are supposed to be anyway?"

"A USO girl, it was a last minute idea because I didn't have a costume. Had to rumage through my grandmother's closet." You answer.

"Hm, it's cute."

As you enter the building she leads you to an elevator, and punches the button that says: 17th floor. When the elevator stops, and opens you notice there's not as many people as you thought there would be. It seems to be more of a small get together for Halloween. To the right there's a group of five people, and Maria Hill whom you've talked to a good amount of times already, all sitting on white couches. There's about two handfuls of some other people scattered here and there, dress in different costumes.

"Tasha' where is everyone?" You whisper shouted as she led you to her friends, The Avengers.

"This is everyone, Y/N"

When Natasha and you reached the group she stopped in front of everyone and introduced you to them.

"Guys, this is Y/N, she works for shield."

"Hey!"

"Hello."

"Nice to finally meet you!"

"So you're the girl Nat keeps talking 'bout, eh?"

You knew who they all where so you didn't bother asking for names, instead you just said your "hi's" back and settled on the couch by Nat.

"Where's Steve?" Nat asked,

"The mans is old as dirt, he's probably just walking to slow. He'll be here eventually." As Sam says this he moves his eyes to you and asks,

"So what's up with the costume?"

"Sam reall-" Maria starts to say but you interrupt.

"Ha ha, it's okay Maria. I'm a USO girl, I didn't have a costume and it was a last minute idea, I had it on hand."

"Be careful, Y/N, gonna give Capsicle a stroke there."

They all chuckle at Tony's joke,

"Capsicle?"

"Just ignore Tony" Natasha says rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

After about an hour of conversation, and Halloween music playing in the background, you volunteer to get the second round of beer from Tony's bar. But Bruce stops you,

"Oh, you don't have to get them. Sit down I'll get it."

Not stopping and ignoring his offer you say,

"It's fine, I can get them."

He smiles warmly at you as you get up to go to the bar.

When you open the small refigerator door, you grab six beers including one for yourself. When you close the door and start to exist the bar you crash right into someone's hard chest.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, i wasn't lookin-"

You cut your self off looking up. Completely mesmerized by the man in front of you. Steve Rogers. You knew he was attractive, but you didn't know he was this attractive.

Chuckling Steve tells you, "It's okay."

He looks down at the beers in your arms,

"Let me grab one for myself, then I'll help you carry those over there."

Waiting for him to grab one, he walks back to you, takes three cans from you, and taps the small of your back to signal you to start walking, sending a shiver down your back.

"So, a USO girl, eh?" Steve asked.

"Oh, yup, didn't have a costume."

"So then what's that?"

"My grandmother's"

Realizing what you said you just said you look at him with wide eyes.

"I am so sorry, I didn't mean to call you old."

Steve lets put a louder laugh causing everyone to watch both of you as you and him make your over to them.

"So, I see you've already met Steve." Nat says with her eyebrows raised.

Knowing what she's suggesting you roll your eyes and say,

"Yes, I have."

"So, I guess I was right. You did give him a stroke."

Everyone starts chuckling at Tony's joke while Steve shakes his head with a goofy smile on his face, looking down at his shoes.

"Hm?" You ask after taking a sip of your beer.

"Well the loud crash?"

"Oh! No, that was me dropping all the beer."

Everyone is moving onto different conversations but you an Steve keep talking. Asking eachother question after question, inventively listening to one another.

Nat was watching both of you out of the corner of her eye.

"So where's the costume old man?!" Sam says, sorta struggling to keep his eyelids open.

"Didn't know we were dressing up." Steve answers with a shrug.

"What?!? No way. Absolutely not. Who doesn't dress up for Halloween?"

"Apparently, Capsicle."

Jerking his head toward Tony he points at him saying,

"Hey! Who're you to talk Stark, you're not dressed up either."

"When you're Tony Stark, Rogers, you don't need a costume to be cool" Tony argues in his defense, flicking off some imaginary dust from his suit.

Everyone keeps talking, drinking, occasionally dancing, and getting drunker and drunker. But Steve has the inconveniency of not being able to get drunk, and you're so caught up in his baby blues that you completely forget you were drinking.

You're definitely drunk, but not from alcohol. You're drunk off of his seafoam eyes, his charm, his kindess, his authority, his every detail.

When two a.m rolls around, and everyone is drunk of thier asses they start heading up to a couple of floors higher, most likely to whatever rooms were up there to get some sleep, already dreading the morning after.

Since you and Steve were sober, well you were more sober than the rest, You and him stayed behind to clean up empty bottles, empty beer cans, and fallen decorations.

You pickup some beer cans to go to the bar and throw them away but when you come back, Steve asks you,

"Would it be wierd if I asked you out?"

"No, no it would not be wierd"

You're both smiling at eachother, Steve is holding orange, black and purple streamers in one hand, while your holding a beer bottle.

Next thing you know he's dropping the streamers, and walking to you.

He kisses you. Lips on lips. Moving so perfectly in sync. It's igniting, it's new, it's exciting, and brilliant. So brilliant that you drop the beer bottle to lay your hands on the nape of his neck, but the bottle has other plans. It crashes to the floor and shatters, causing you and Steve to pull away from eachother and chuckle.

As you both bend down to pick up the shattered peices he grabs your hand, and tilts you head up to look at him.

"So, will you go on date with me?"

"It would be crazy of me to say no, Steve"

My first actual fic!! I hope you've all liked it, btw I THRIVE of off feedback so please tell me what you've thought.

If you've liked this fic please like and reblog. REBLOGS HELP WRITERS A CRAP TON!!!

🤍💙🖤

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galacticxcosmos · 4 years ago

Text

𝐖𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐞 ❣︎ ᵏᵗʰ

Pairing :- Taehyung X Reader

Genre :- Bestfriends to Lovers AU, Erotic, Angst, Romance and Fluff.

Rating :- 18+ ( M )

Word Count :- 4.4k

Summary :- "Not everyone in this world deserves to be loved. I am one of those little number of unfortunate people" that's what you thought after your terrible breakup which led you to your bestfriend's appartment at midnight to seek comfort until things went way beyond just 'comfort'.

Warnings :- It's CEO Taehyung (but no office romance shit), Broke college student, Dom Taehyung, Sub reader, Some angst that idk how I managed to write, Sexual Tension, Buried feelings, Past feelings, Teasing, Morning Sex, Daddy Kink, Pinning, Oral (M receiving), Unprotected Sex, After care (omg) with fluff (omg).

A/N :- I know that I haven't been very active on Tumblr, but trust me I am trying my best, also I am still working on the next chapter for "Chemicals Collide", so please be a little more patient. Also I got inspiration for this Oneshot from Jungkook's cover, I think you guessed it already, but then I saw I had already written a JK Oneshot, so I gave this to Tae baby. Enjoy~

Not everyone in this world deserves to be loved. I am one of those little number of unfortunate people.

I could feel the numb pain in my stomach, feeling like I am going to throw up, going back and forth between feeling nothing and being unable to stop the tears. All I could think about was if this is really the end. I picked up my pace, now breaking into a fast jog towards Taehyung's house. Tears we're rapidly streaming down my face, uncontrollable at this point. I sprinted through the apartment complex, my legs moving as quickly as they could to get to him. I wiped my face with my sleeve as I got to his floor, a failed attempt to make myself look slightly okay.

I knew Taehyung would see right past these attempts though, he'll quickly understand that I've been sobbing with one glance in my direction. He knew me too well. After knocking on the door, there was a faint thud before someone cautiously opened the door. Taehyung stood there, slightly disheveled with the smell of alcohol dripping off of him. Right, Saturday means Taehyung gets shit faced every night. Although intoxicated, he quickly realised I wasn't okay. "What happened? Did someone hurt you? Do I need to go and fight someone?" He slurred slightly, stepping outside. I chuckled, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him back into the apartment before he got the both of us locked out.

"How many have you drank?" I asked, going to the kitchen and grabbing a water bottle to give him. My legs were threatening to give out, but he should property drink something besides alcohol before he puts himself in a coma. I walked over to where he sat on the couch, handing him the water bottle before going to pick up bottles. Sure, drinking was absolutely terrible and Taehyung may have developed a problem. I just never comment on it because we all have our own ways of dealing with things, not all of them being good. After cleaning up his expensive ass apartment, I went to sit down with him. He was quietly watching TV, taking interest in some show that showed people getting hurt. He was slowly sipping his water, showing barely any interest in the almost full bottle he held in his hand.

"Tae, I asked, how many have you drank?" I asked again. "I counted like 10 while cleaning up." Taehyung didn't say anything, just shrugging as he propped his feet up on the ottoman. I sighed, following his actions and getting comfortable. It must be nice to have an apartment to yourself and not be stuck in a crammed dorm room with another person. Must be nice to not go to school and struggle everyday. Nice to not have your heart broken on the day of your anniversary. Without noticing, a small sob fell from my lips, catching Taehyung's attention instantly. Worry was written across his face as he peered over to me, one eyebrow raised.

"What happened?" He mumbled, moving to wrap one arm around me. He held me close to him, a mix of his cologne and alcohol filling my nose. "He broke up with me." I mumbled, another sob falling from my lips. I wrapped my arms around Taehyung's toned torso, hugging him like there was no tomorrow. "Isn't it your anniversary? Didn't you text me earlier today about everything?" He asked gently, trying not to make it seem like a big deal. Another sob fell, making him realise that maybe it wasn't a good idea to pull on that string. He sighed, moving so he could easily pull me into his lap. I quickly straddled him in order to bury my face in his neck.

My arms still held onto his torso as he wrapped his arms around me. He must've closed the water bottle and tossed it aside sometime earlier, deciding it was more important to comfort me. So, how the hell did a broke college student become best friends with one of the youngest CEOs in Seoul? It honestly still amazes me that we're even still friends, that I get the pleasure of being his best friend. He's everything you'd want in a person. Caring, beautiful, fit despite his work schedule, one of most hardworking people you'll ever meet.

We've been friends since we were teens, simple freshmen stuck together for a lab experiment. Thinking back on it, it's sort of funny because the first thing he ever said was I like your shirt. I smiled slightly, thinking back on the fond memories. Taehyung and I are some of the closest of people, and we're always joined at the hip when we aren't busy. I mean, we grew up together, figured out college together, lost our virginity to each other. I chuckled slightly thinking about it. Two teens frustrated and scared to lose it to someone who didn't know us. It just sort of played out one night, safe word established quickly since Taehyung was so worried. Taehyung shuffled slightly under me.

"What are you laughing about, Miss?" He teased, jabbing my sides. He's always loved fucking with me, and knew how to get on my nerves in just a few attempts. I decided to lie, figuring that, if he even remembered that night, he wouldn't want to hear about it. I shrugged, shoving my face into his neck further. "I was thinking about science when we were paired together." I said, my focus going to my shirt that was riding up slightly. Taehyung paid no attention to it, his hands resting on the bare skin of my back.

"Ugh, don't remind me." He laughed before mocking himself. "I like your shirt." I laughed, shaking my head at him. I sat up, my hands placed on his chest. He seemed tired, but sobering up a bit. His hands released my torso, going to wipe the tears off my cheeks. I smiled slightly before climbing off his lap and standing back up. "Finish drinking your water." I said, tossing the bottle over to where he was sitting. I walked into his living room, opening up the fridge and seeing what was there. I shrugged, settling on leftover takeout I'm assuming was from the shop near his work. I tossed it into the microwave before calling out to Taehyung.

"Do you want anything?" I asked, waiting for a response. "You." A small reply came, unsure and small compared to his normal loud ass. I laughed at him before asking the question once more. He simply said nothing, stating he wasn't hungry. He usually isn't when he drinks anyway. I took the takeout out, walking back into the living room. I sat and ate, making sure not to spill anything because I definitely couldn't afford to buy him a new one. This couch is probably my salary, the boy's got money. "Are you okay?" He asked, reaching over to rub my thigh. "Didn't I tell you he was a dick though? You should date better people. Like me."

I laughed at him, playfully swatting his hand away from me. I went back to my food, not paying attention to the hand creeping up towards my thigh once more. He rubbed his hand up my thighs once more, smiling slightly. "Taehyung, you're drunk." I mumbled, shoving food into my mouth once more.

Taehyung moved once more, placing his hand on my arm. Whines immediately came from me, complaining about the food and expensive couch. "Taehyung, I'm going to spill this on your couch and you're going to be mad at me" I threatened. "Fuck it. I can buy a new one." He mumbled, reaching up to smack the food out of my hand. I jerked my arm away, setting the tray down on the coffee table. "No you can't you drunk cunt." I mumbled, jumping over and pulling him down on the couch. I curled up under his arm, my face buried in his chest while I placed my arm on his side. He smiled, looking up at the TV after placing a kiss on my forehead. He held me closer, and continued to hold me until I drifted off to sleep.

∆∆∆

The sound of shuffling woke me up, my eyes barely adjusting to the bright light. Taehyung was shuffling next to me, struggling to get up. I let out a small grunt, moving so he could easily stand up. He apologized before running off to what I assumed was the bathroom. I smashed myself into the corner of the couch, trying to gain back the warmth that just left. Taehyung's chuckles filled the room as he passed by the living room, walking into the kitchen. He was probably going to go grab pain killers and a water. He waltzed back to the couch, plopping down. I let out a small grunt of disapproval.

"Come on, go and do your classes." He said, pulling me by my shirt towards him. He's always used his strength to do whatever, and it gets annoying every now and then. "Would you stop pulling me around like a ragdoll?" I said, rolling over to look at him. He had a smirk on his face, missing his shirt that he was previously wearing. "Go get a shirt on" I said. "No." He said, dropping a water bottle and laying down. I rolled over, cuddling into his warm embrace. His golden skin always give off warmth, and god I loved it. "Shouldn't you have classes to attend?" Taehyung asked, wrapping his arms around me. I rolled my eyes at him, wondering how stupid he has to be to not understand.

"I just got my heart broken yesterday, why would I want to do anything?" I mumbled, "I just want comfort and to rest for awhile." Taehyung nodded, holding me. He mumbled something that I didn't quite catch, but I was too lazy to ask what he said. "Why do you date douchebags? I mean, they don't give you the love you deserve and end up breaking your heart. You should find someone that actually cares about you." He mumbled, tangling his legs with mine. "Why does it matter to you Taehyung?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Because you come to my apartment at like 3 am sobbing usually. And you shouldn't even be out at that time, with someone else or alone for that matter. It's not safe. And you deserve better." He mumbled. "Would you stop worrying about that? I'll be okay." I could barely even finish my sentence when Taehyung crashed his lips onto mine, our lips molding together within seconds. Taehyung pulled away slightly, attaching his lips on to my jaw. My breath hitched, hands moving to grab at his arms.

"Taehyung, I don't think this is a good idea." I mumbled, his movements coming to a stop and his body stiffing. "I just mean we're probably just confused and I just broke up and you're a famous CEO hooking up with a college st-" I knew if I asked, he would immediately stop. It's not that I was afraid of him doing something stupid, I was afraid of the underlying feelings I had for my best friend. The feelings that make me want to cherish and love him just as much as have him fuck my brains out.

"Tell me y/n, do you really think I don't notice?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "Think I don't notice the looks you give me when you think I'm not paying attention? You rubbing together your thighs when you're around me?". "Taehyung I still don't think-", "You don't think this is a good idea because you're afraid. You'll have a real man now, someone that will love and appreciate you as well as please you? Listen, I have no problem with that as long as you return it." He mumbled, moving over to whisper in my ear. "Do you know how much you affect me?"

He licked my ear, sucking slightly causing me to whimper. My eyes were screwed shut, head cocked to side. He climbed around so he could be on top, grinding our hips together slightly. His bulge rubbed against my thigh, rock hard. "Taehyung-", "Waste it on me y/n. Your love, please just this once. You waste it on everyone else, so why not me? Why not your best friend that's in love? Please, it's not going to hurt if it's just once." He mumbled, locking eyes with me. "Taehyung-", "Daddy." He corrected, is he serious right now?? He wants me to fill in his kinks now??

"Taehy-", "Did you not hear me babygirl?" He said, staring down at me. I gripped his torso, wondering how the hell I got myself into this situation. How I ended up here, with him. "Daddy, please." I said, coming out more whiny than I expected. He smirked slightly, a look of confidence flushing over his face. "What babygirl? Tell me so I can please you." He said, moving so his face was a mere millimeters away. "Kiss me."

He did, quickly getting rid of the space in between us. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. My hands tangled in his hair, pulling slightly. His hips slightly rolled into mine, pulling a moan from the both of us. Taehyung's hands slipped down, running up and down my sides, stopping to squeeze slightly. His hands found their way to my ass, squeezing and rubbing. "Daddy~" I whined, rolling my hips up into his. He let out a small groan, moving to place hot, open mouthed kisses all along my neck. He stopped to suck a small bruise here and there, making sure to leave his mark.

His hands slipped into my shirt, squeezing my sides. I giggled slightly, jerking away from the ticklish action. Taehyung smiled up at me before slipping my shirt up and eventually over my head. My arms instinctively went to cover my skin, Taehyung clicking his tongue slightly. "Come on babe, don't make me tie you up." He mocked, smirking at me. My eyes widened slightly, taking Taehyung back for a moment. "God, I don't remember a freak in highschool.", "Oh my God. Please don't." I said, staring at him. He's referring to losing our virginity to each other, embarrassing.

"So shy and innocent-", "I don't remember such a cocky shit in the bedroom either? You think you've gotten better?" I challenged. "I know I've gotten better." He answered. He's so full of himself. "Whoever cums first, loses." I challenged, staring up at him. He looked taken back. I smiled, sitting up in order to push him back on the couch. I straddled him, sitting on his hips as I took my bra off and tossed it somewhere across the room. Taehyung's hands flew up, squeezing and pinching what he could manage. I let out a small whine when he took a sensitive bud in between his fingers, twisting it roughly. My hips involuntary rolled, Taehyung's hips jerking up. I moved, going to pull on his shorts. The more I pulled down, I realized he wasn't wearing any underwear.

"This was your plan all morning?" I questioned. "Nope, just when I seen you over here looking like a fresh baked snack." He said, making me laugh at how stupid he was. I rolled my eyes, kissing his hips slightly. Once his shorts were off, he wasted no time kicking them halfway across the room. I giggled slightly, laying down on the couch so I was level with his cock. Taehyung threw his head back, his breathing becoming uneven. I licked a long stripe from bottom to top, stopping at the top to flick my tongue along his tip. I slowly wrapped my lips around his tip, sinking down slightly before coming back up. I took inch by inch until he hit the back of my throat, sinking down a bit more before coming up. A low moan fell from Taehyung as I swallowed around him, his hips involuntary bucked up into my mouth.

I fought off my gag reflex, hallowing my cheeks around him. I let him face fuck me, his hands roughly controlling my head to please himself. A loud whine fell from him, grabbing my hair and pulling my head up an off. He wrapped his fingers around his base, squeezing. Once he calmed down, he looked up at me. "Okay Miss, your turn." He said before basically pouncing on me. Our lips connected in a rush, molding together as his hands slipped into my jeans. He popped open the buttons with ease, sliding my jeans down my legs. His warms hands squeezed my thighs, coming up to link his fingers with my lace panties.

He pulled away from the kiss, locking eyes with me quickly before sinking down. He gently pulled off the lace, tossing it aside. After a bit, he nipped at my thigh, sucking a bruise. He continued nipping at my thighs, making me get more and more impatient. "Daddy! Please!" I whined, my hips bucking up. He moved, licking a long stripe. I whined as me began sucking on my clit, flicking his tongue every now and then. My hands were buried in his hair, resisting the urge to crush his head with my thighs.

I felt Taehyung's smirk, wrapping his arms around my thighs and pinning me down. I bucked my hips into his mouth, a low moan falling from my lips. "Taehyung, slow down." I whined, my legs shaking in his arms. He did, slowing down his tongue flicks. He let go one of my legs, moving his finger to me gently. Slowly, he pushed his finger in knuckle deep. I couldn't fight the loud moan that fell from me.

"God I fucking love your thighs." He mumbled, drawing circles where one of his arms was still wrapped around me. "So thick and full, so much better than the sticks that throw themselves at me." A small laugh came from me, shaking my head at him. "I'm sure you've had plenty of those sticks in here." He shook his head, drawing his finger out slowly before pushing it back in. I grabbed his wrist, positioning it a bit differently and told him to curl his fingers next time. He followed, hitting exactly where I needed him to. My whole body jerked, making him smile up at me.

"Fuck I've missed you." Taehyung groaned, talking to himself more than anything. I wasn't sure if he meant me, or my heat. I decided not to ask, not wanting to get hurt over something so stupid. His fingers picked up their pace, hitting exactly where I told him. Moans fell from my lips, my head thrown back as I held onto his head. Slowly, I felt an orgasm coming upon me. "Taehyung!" I whined, grabbing his arm and jerking him away. He could easily continue, overpower me completely with just one hand. But Taehyung isn't like that. He became instantly worried."Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Do you want to stop?" He asked, panic striking him from all sides.

I laughed, sitting up. I pulled him to me, kissing him as deeply as I could. "No, you're okay. Just, a bit overwhelming." I smiled. He nodded, sitting up. "Is it okay if I continue, I need to stretch you out. I'd hate to hurt you." He said, slightly hesitant with each word he spoke. "Of course. And what happened to the man that was just so cocky seconds ago?" I asked, teasing him. He scoffed, continuing. He started with one finger, slowly adding a second and beginning a scissoring motion.

Small moans fell from me, gripping his arm where I was able to. Looking down, Taehyung still wore his arrogant smile. After he deemed me stretched and ready enough, he sat up and in between my thighs. He looked around for a few seconds, for what I'm assuming is for a condom or something like that. "No condom." I mumbled, making his attention snap back over to me. His cheeks were slightly flushed and eyes full of concern and slight worry. "I'm on the pill." I reassured. "Yeah, but that's not a 100% you won't get pregnant." Taehyung mumbled, still worried. I laughed, shaking my head at him.

"It's pretty damn close, but if you're really that scared go find one. I'll be here waiting for you." I teased, watching his eyes narrow at me slightly. I giggled as he pounced on top of me, pinning my arms above my head with ease. A small smirk grew on my face as I nibbled slightly on his earlobe. "Daddy, please fuck me." Taehyung couldn't resist anymore, positioning himself before easily sliding in. He let out a loud grunt as he bottomed out, his head falling into my neck. "Fuck, when's the last time you've had sex?"

"What? What do you mean?" I asked, slightly panicking at his question. Taehyung slowly pushed himself up, sitting back on his legs with my thighs in his palms. I propped myself up on my elbows, watching as he slowly slid out before slamming back into me. I jolt of pleasure shot throughout my body. "You haven't been fucked in awhile, no? You're so tight." Taehyung said, placing on of my legs over his shoulder to give him better access. I let out a loud moan as he picked up his pace, gaining a steady and rather quick rhythm. Taehyung was letting out small grunts, his face becoming sweaty and his bangs sticking to his forehead.

"Ah, Taehyung" I whined, grabbing onto his arm as he pounded into me. He scoffed, leaning forward to nail my g-spot. He was folding me in half, basically. "I'll let that one slip, babygirl. But next time you're getting punished." He growled, crashing his lips onto mine while still maintaining his thrusts. As the kiss became rougher, so did his thrusts. The sound of skin hitting skin soon filled the room accompanied by moans. Taehyung's grip was harsh, holding onto my waist and thighs like it was the only thing keeping him alive. I could barely see straight anymore, pleasure washing over me. I smiled, remembering something Taehyung was absolutely weak for. I reached up, taking one of his sensitive buds in between my fingers and flicking it roughly.

He let out a throaty groan, head falling forward slightly. He was focusing on his thrusts, speeding up and slamming harder than before. Profanities spilt from the both of us, gripping onto whatever we could to keep us in place. "Fuck, I'm going to cum." Taehyung moaned, making me smirk up at him. I mumbled a small, then I win. His head shot up, completely forgetting about the dumb bet set long ago. His fingers went straight to my clit, roughly stimulating me. I yelped, holding onto his wrist for dear life while clamping down around him.

His thrusts we're sloppy and more desperate than before, quickly reaching his high. With a few lasts thrusts and moans, he came deep inside of me. As soon as he came, the stimulation caught up and sent me flying over. Bolts of pleasure shot throughout me, my toes curling and head thrown back into the sofa. I ripped Taehyung's fingers away from me, becoming too sensitive. He smirked, sliding his fingers into my mouth. I licked them, rolling my tongue in between. He watched, shaking his head.

My body was shaking, something Taehyung was quick to notice. He laid his body weight on top of me, kissing me with the most passion he ever has. The shaking came to an eventual stop, both of us relaxing for a few seconds. "Well, I guess we both lost." I mumbled, not really knowing how to not make this awkward. Taehyung laughed, shaking his head violently.

"Let's not do that weird thing where you think I'm going to suddenly leave you." He smiled, running his hands up and down my thighs. "I'll go run us a bath." He got up, jogging into the bathroom. I heard water turn on followed by a few drawers opening. After a few moments, he came back and scooped me up into his arms bridle style, making me laugh. Taehyung sat down first, then helping me sit down in between his legs. I let out a small hum, leaning against his torso and relaxing. "You know Taehyung, this is really nice." I smiled, letting him trace little patterns onto my shoulders and chest.

He smiled, kissing my shoulder gently. "Your girlfriend is going to be so lucky, she just doesn't know it yet.", "Well um, I was actually hoping you'd be my girlfriend. And I mean like, official official like dating and going out and doing things together." He laughed, "Not just hook-ups at 3 am.", "Are you serious? You're messing with me?" I calmly said, acting as if I didn't care but the frantic beating in my chest told another story. "Yeah, I've loved you since like high school." Taehyung said, becoming cheesy and acting offended when I made fun of him for it.

"I'd love to be with you Taehyung. I just think it's weird that the youngest CEO in the world is dating a broke college student." I said. "And don't get me wrong, I'm not dating you just because you're a CEO. I actually do love and care about you a lot. I always have cared about you in a more than friends way.", "Stop referring to yourself as a broke college student. You're my best friend since high school, my first ever love and my love now." He said, a dumb smile plastered across his face. I laughed, making fun of him again.

"I'm glad Taehyung. I love you too." I smiled, looking back and pecking his lips. He wore the brightest smile, kissing my shoulders while wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. I smiled, "Jesus Christ I'm happy that dick broke up with me." Taehyung laughed in response, "Get broken up by a dick and then dicked down after. You fucking slut.", I laughed, turning around to punch him in the shoulder. "Says the one that was willing to fuck me right there, on the spot." I said, mocking him. "Hey, you never told me to stop. And if you did you know I would've." He said, beginning to ramble and get cheesy again. "Okay, relax. You just fucked me, don't get all phycological about it." You playfully rolled your eyes.

"You know what?? I am glad that this time you wasted it on me" he lovingly kissed your cheek.

The End.

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