#please dont get pregnant

[starrykinstellation]

the next time i see the people i talk to (not really friends but like friendlies yk) saying shit like “world would be better if men could be pregnant” i’m going to scream

[ratatatastic]

lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall

idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...

to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"

but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics

"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"

and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."

But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-

And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"

and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really

Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)

And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.

and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)

And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*

but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)

and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far

"You should really use your words."

"I am!"

"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."

"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"

"Sasha isn't most Alphas."

"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"

"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."

"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.

"It would work better if you use—"

"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.

like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know

[alucardsathomewife]

You should watch Hellsing

Tw red liquid

Alucard as a character is pretty op in itself, but even towards the ending of part 8 ultimate, he still has humanity for Alexander to be human. In a way, it's wholesome but sad, and he shows a side that is not really seen much.

It's another feeling entirely when Alucard is being shown as genuinely anger / upset / or facing trauma. How he even interacts with others is like a line built-up string for how he'll eventually fight with said each character is awesome.

To end my short off, I thank Kouta Hirano every single day he gave Alucard a long tongue.

[lottieurl]

me realizing some people were emotionally hit by the twist that it's a dream sequence while i was watching it the whole time absolutely sure it wasn't real but still worried it might be and thinking about how the true horror was shauna being all touchy feely towards the baby

[greatestcoworker]

’don’t believe the anons’ there will be more anons soon, i’ve seen it happen twice. I know what i’m doing with my eye opening truth.

>"Hey, that's terrifying! That's a terrifying sentence! What does that mean?"

[unlimitedhearts]

There are a lot of things my parents did to humiliate me as a kid that I could never imagine doing to my own child if I had one. But one of the ones that baffles me the most is when they found a scrap piece of paper I had written a smutty fic on.

We were moving apartments, different floor same building, and I went to the old apartment to grab more stuff. My.mom was in the kitchen packing some plates and my stepdad came out of my room and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. I knew what it was but then he started reading it out loud.

He stopped before the smutty part and asked me why I would write such a thing and if I thought it was appropriate to write this at my age. I was like. 14.

So being thoroughly caught I shrugged and grabbed another box to bring to the new apartment and said, "You're right, it's not appropriate. Next time I wanna explore my sexuality I'll do what you and [step-brother] did and have unprotected sex and get teen pregnant instead of making two fictional boys fuck. Thanks dad!"

He didn't give me much crap after that.

[not-your-average-prolifer]

once again @/bexorcist14 has absolutely no fucking clue what she's talking about

[800-dick-pics]

seeing posts dismissing the fertility/body awareness method for not getting pregnant and its like........its actually something you need to learn and plan for not something you can just pick up. The reason birth control and condoms are so effective are bc they cut down on human mistakes/error. With FAM you need to track 2-3 different things almost daily to know when you absolutely need to use a condom to prevent conception and days where it is fine to not use a condom bc youre nowhere near ovulation.

yes use condoms and birth control if you WANT TO, but if you dont want to use condoms or birth control INVEST in to the fertility awareness method, and i really mean mentally and physically invest into the system.

Fertility/body awareness is a TOOL! for you to not get pregnant or for you to increase your chances of getting pregnant, for you to track your cycles, or pcos, or transition into menopause, or to see if youve/about to miscarry

Being in the birth work field has opened my whole brain to things most ppl dont know of, and most people dont know the hows or whys behind fertility/body awareness. Its ok if you personally dont trust something you dont understand, or feel like it wouldn't work for your health. But truly FAM is a huge topic and you should be educated on what it is before discounting the science behind a certain contraceptive method.

[getting-messi]

BREAKING NEWS🚨🚨🚨🚨

I AM ALIVE!!!🥳🤩💃🏾💃🏾

[alliluyevas]

i have a huge extended family and absolutely no one ever has had twins to my knowledge including going back several generations of catholic people with like twelve children each. so whatever the gene that makes people hyperovulate and then twins run in your family is. i have the opposite of that.

[lotussokka]

hey idk if any of you are pastors but you should not do a sermon about how humans are inherently undeserving of love and how adopted children are undeserving of adoption and dont ask to be adopted (???) during a funeral, especially during the funeral of a woman with an adopted grandchild

[landoughnut]

Nurse He's Out Again

♡ masterlist - request!

♡ pairing - lando norris x fem!reader (fc - brooke shields :)

♡ summary - just lando thirsting on the main and giving being a pr nightmare, also him fighting for his life in the comments

♡ warnings - horny/simp lando, crack, some fluff, some cursing, one kms mention

♡ w/c & a/n - smau | wanted to do a social media one cause i love reading them so much so here we are! i really love this actually so i hope you enjoy xoxo

landonorris FIRST liked by yourusername

landonorris holy shit baby 😍🥵

landonorris please date me fhsusnygds 😻💍

yourusername already am my love 💗

username WOWWW

kendalljenner stunning bestfriend 💋

yourusername love you 😘

username lando having her notifs on is so cute 🥹

username im in love with you.

landonorris NO I AM. STAY AWAY 😡

username LANDO LMAOAO

vogue 🤍 liked by yourusername

maxverstappen1 🔥📸

yourusername thanks max ☺️

maxverstappen1 someone tell me how lando's dating her

landonorris HEY 😟

charles_leclerc real max

yourusername the real question is how did i get so lucky with him!!

landonorris SHHH BABY NEVER SAY THAT 😣

adele my darling you look beautiful 🩷

yourusername i love youuu mother adele 💗

landonorris IM DATING AN ANGEL WOW PLEASE MARRY ME

yourusername i love you so much 😭

landonorris CBGHNCHD I LOVE YOU MOST BABY 🥰😍☺️

oscarpiastri lando fell to his knees in a walmart parking lot

landonorris can you blame me?? 🛐🛐🛐

username no we cant lando

landonorris it was a rhetorical question 👺

carlossainz55 my favorite model 🙏 liked by yourusername

username can lando fight?? 🥵🤤

landonorris YES GET AWAY SHOO 🤺

georgerussell63 bro can notttt fight

landonorris fuck you george

landonorris I CAN RUN YOU OVER INSTEAD

mclaren lando norris we're having a meeting this afternoon

mclaren looking absolutely stunning 🧡

yourusername love you admin 💋

landonorris FIRST liked by yourusername

landonorris DAMNNN BABY COME HOME AND KISS ME

username oh no..

landonorris ON MY NO NO SQUARE

oscarpiastri the second hand embarrassment i have rn

alexandrasaintmleux what 😟 yourusername ill save you bae

landonorris get me pregnant. 🫃

mclaren no we need you in racing conditions

landonorris you need me? that sounds familiar 😏🛌

maxverstappen1 MY EYES 🤢

mclaren REPLYING TO MYYYY COMMENT???

oscarpiastri ON MYY PHONE??

yourusername osc look away 😨

ladygaga so pretty 🤩 liked by yourusername

username 😻😍

landonorris get these heart eyes OUTTA HERE

yourusername BABY STOP HARASSING PEOPLE IN MY COMMENTS

landonorris "baby" 😍 anything for u wifey 🛐

billieeilish so fineee bby

landonorris SCRAM BILLIE

yourusername ILYY BILLIEEE 🤍

username lando is fighting for his LIFE 😭

username lando trying not to simp challenge level impossible

landonorris GUESS WHO SHE WAS SMILING AT YALLLLLLLL

yourusername i love you 💗 im always smiling with you 💖

landonorris I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY FUCKING HELL

username you guys are the cutest to exist

carlossainz55 yeah until you hear them talk about each other 25/8

landonorris shut up carlos your just jealous

georgerussell63 you're*

landonorris 🖕🖕

harrystyles gorgeous

landonorris bye.

landonorris i cant compete with harry 😨

landonorris GUYS DONT LET HER SEE THIS

charles_leclerc too late i just heard a scream from the living room where she is with alex

yourusername HARRY OH MY GOSH HELLO I LOVE YOU JEHXBUYTNEGBYGYGXE

landonorris im going to kms. someone pick my casket now. he broke my girl.

mclaren our favorite girl 🧡

yourusername FIRST liked by landonorris

username im obsessed with them being first for each other 🥹

yourusername LANDO PLEASE I CANT 😭

landonorris THE WORLD NEEDS TO SEE YOURE WITH MEE

charles_leclerc NAHHHH LANDO

oscarpiastri MY EYESS

yourusername IM SORRY OSC BBY

landonorris dont call him bby 😡 im your bby

username "tell your baby that im your baby" 🥺

username HELPPP bros fed up with the comments

username LANDO HAS A MOMMY KINK CONFIRMED 😋

mclaren you're done buddy. no more mr nice guy. meeting at 5pm.

username ignoring the caption but its so cute that the only thing he posts besides racing related pictures is her 🥹 my heart liked by landonorris

username she's so beautiful wow liked by landonorris

username her smile is the prettiest thing ive ever seen liked by landonorris

maxverstappen1 lando... what about us 😣

yourusername BACK AWAY FROM MY MAN 🗣️🤺

username how the tables have turned...

landonorris YEAH YOU TELL HIM BABY ‼️ THATS MY WIFEY 🗣️

username their matching profile pictures are adorable 🥹 liked by landonorris

alexandrasaintmleux SHE WAS MINE FIRST 👹

yourusername im still yours love 💗

landonorris thats not what you said in bed last night

alexandrasaintmleux NAHH UNDER MY COMMENT??

georgerussell63 lando mate enough is enough 😀

landonorris literally leave no one wants you here

mclaren you've taken at least ten years off my life

username SOMEONE SEDATE HIM✊

username someone needs to get neutered 🫵🏻

carlossainz55 NO MORE PLEASE I CANT TAKE IT ☹️

landonorris pov my wifey after round five last night

username FIVE????

alex_albon NASTYY YALL FREAKYYY

mclaren why do I even try 😞

lewishamilton NURSE HES OUT AGAINNNNN 😦

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙private, not a secret | MV1˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: max verstappen x wife!reader y/n (she/her)

genre: social media au, established/secret relationship

warnings: very fluffy :))

summary: in which you and your husband like to keep things on the low so much so that none of his fans know about the family you have together

a/n: i luv this req tbh i lowkey luv writing kids in it's sooo cute im lowkey broody af atm too 😭 helllll

request!!!: Hi!! Could I request an smau with max where he has a secret family or something idk I just think it could be really cute !

fc: various blonde girls from pinterest

my masterlist

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, carlossainz55, and others

yourusername my beautiful life

view all comments

maxverstappen1 my girls

yourusername 💓

carlossainz55 god i look so cool

yourusername hahahhh yeaaa

carlossainz55 ???

yourusername nothing mate😄

yourbff aww i need to come see you guys

yourusername yes please omg 😧 alice said she misses her fav aunt !

only accounts that follow yourusername may see this post

messages ->

instagram ->

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo, and 88,928 others

maxverstappen1 beach day

view all 14,283 comments

user7 omg hi y/n

user8 YES A Y/N FEATURE

user9 omg he let her out of the basement

user10 💀

danielricciardo go off

maxverstappen1 yessss!!! whatever that means

user11 lol

charles_leclerc tell y/n we want her at the next race please

maxverstappen1 she will come if the babysitter is free 👍

*comment deleted by maxverstappen1*

maxverstappen1 she said she'll think about it 🧠

user12 WHAT

user13 Urmmmmmmm did you guys see the deleted comment

user14 do max & y/n have children?

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and others

yourusername let's ignore max's deleted comment slip up shall we

view all comments

charles_leclerc i am sorry on his behalf y/n 🙏

yourusername hahah dont worry about it charlie

oscarpiastri get him on a time out asap

liked by yourusername

yourbff aww the world deserves to know about little alice

yourusername they will soon we're keeping her childhood safe for now

maxverstappen1 you already know she's gonna come watch her dad race soon 😎

yourbff im sure she'll find that very fun max

yourusername hahah that's what i said

maxverstappen1 😒

only accounts that follow yourusername may see this post

interview ->

transcript (sorry if it's hard to read😭) ->

there is always going to be rumours ahout my relationship considering we keep things to ourselves, neither of us find it necessary to comment on them very often. *laughs* i've never heard anyone say i'm hiding y/n, no. we have always been private but never ever a secret and that's how it will remain for the most part

twitter ->

instagram ->

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, and 1,124,293 others

maxverstappen1 a small insight into our (family) life

tagged: yourusername

view all 27,283 comments

user21 NOOOO WAYYYYY

user22 this is so so so so precious

user23 omg i feel so honoured that this is being shared with us even tho it's only a small piece of their lives 🫶

user24 max being a girl dad JUST MAKES SENSE

liked by yourusername

yourusername i love you!!

maxverstappen1 i love you more ❤️

user25 this is so special

charles_leclerc love you guys

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername

danielricciardo congratulations again bro you have a such a beautiful family

maxverstappen1 thank you daniel 😄

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, and others

yourusername this account will never go public gang dont worry!! especially because im pregnant again 🤫

view all comments

oscarpiastri omg congratulations y/n

maxverstappen1 and me?

oscarpiastri oh right yea sorry max forgot, congratulations mate

danielricciardo congratulations guys 🫶

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1

charles_leclerc so so happy for you guys

yourusername ❤️❤️❤️

yourbff 🤰 ur glowing

yourusername i heart you

maxverstappen1 you are so beautiful

yourusername stop it you im blushing

maxverstappen1 i love making you blush

yourusername i love you

maxverstappen1 i love you my girl 💗

only accounts that follow yourusername may see this post

THE END ❤️

[pseudowho]

Domestic Bliss: Nanami Kento #7, Cravings

Nanami Kento x Pregnant!Reader

"Kento.. when I say I want Taco Bell, I mean it. I really, really want Taco Bell."

The fragrant aroma of frying peppers and onions, garlic and heady spices, filled the kitchen. Kento had his back to you, his apron tied and snatching his waist inwards. The way he tapered up to broad shoulders, so profoundly triangular; you admired him with a geometrist's gaze. The cake beneath that neat little bow. Those long, long legs, thick-thighed and powerful. Perhaps you craved more than Taco Bell.

Your tummy rumbled, adding to that unique gravid discomfort of an already overstretched belly. Hearing your tummy growl through the thrill of fluid, your baby kicked, a foot occupying a space beneath your ribs you didn't know you had. And shit...you really wanted Taco Bell.

"Then I'll make you some." Kento replied, light, and broaching no argument. "There's no need to go out."

"While your cooking is lovely, I know what I want."

"Yes." Kento answered, infuriatingly calm with a patient smile. "You want tacos."

"I want Taco Bell."

"No you dont. Taco Bell is shit. You deserve better. They deserve better." Kento gestured with a spatula towards your belly, flipping chicken and vegetables in his pan. You felt a whoosh of outrage, your hackles rising like a cat in a fight.

You sidled up behind Kento, your ankles puffy, your wedding ring hanging on a necklace instead of on your swollen fingers. Your fingers tippy-tapped on the counter, one of your hands on his waist.

"...are you trying to police my body, Mr.Nanami?"

Kento heard a panic alarm go off in the back of his mind. Unwisely, he doubled down.

"...of course not, my love. I would never. I know your rights, and I would never ignore them, or your needs, or how you feel."

You let his words hang. The silence was almost as pregnant as you. Kento's alarm bells started to ring harder and a bead of sweat dropped in his mind. And yet--

"But," he continued, starting to smell smoke creeping beneath his metaphorical door, now, shouts and screams in the distance as you smiled at him oh fuck why is she smiling at me oh I've fucked up oh shit I've really fucked up, "fatty food makes your heartburn worse, and I can make you something much nicer, and too much salt will only add to your water retention. And your ankles are already so--"

Shit.

"...already so...what, my love?" Oh fuck oh shit I need to make this better I was just trying to be helpful I--

Kento turned the heat off. He lay down his spatula. He reached back to untie his apron.

"You know, darling...I think I fancy Taco Bell too."

Your smile widened, your clawing grip easing on his waist. "You do?"

"Absolutely. I'll get my keys."

"Yes. You will get your keys. And...help me get my shoes on. Please."

[mariahcarreyyy]

i cannot stop thinking of the fact that lando would raise and push your legs back after he cums in you, holding them there because 'it'll make u pregnant quicker' 🥴

yes im on a breeding kink brainrot

- @planete777 💓

im ovulating DONT SO THIS TO ME (also ts extremely unedited) nsfw 18+ work under beware⬇️⬇️

the rough snap of lando's hips meeting yours was genuinely obscene. your boyfriend had been thrusting into you like there was no tomorrow, his forearms planted on both sides of your head and steadying him as he fucks you. your hands gripped the hairs at the nape of his neck tightly, and it seems to only urges lando more when he balances himself on one arm, bends his knee beside you, and rubs soft circles on your swollen clit.

"ah-- fuck, y/n, i-im so close," lan whines hotly into your ear, your sounds from his hand on your dripping pussy barely allowing you to hear him. "c-can i cum inside y', please, please, baby, wanna get you all full f'me."

so you let him, because of course you do. he softly tweaks at your clit with his index and thumb after a particularly hard thrust, and your back arches so fucking far-- or as far as you could with lando's weight on top of you--, high and uncontrollable moans slipping past your mouth. lan lets out a guttural groan when your pussy squeezes around his cock needily, desperately trying to milk him dry. and lando. well lando can't help but immediately spill into you. thick ropes of his cum coat your slightly overstimulated pussy, and you'd whined at the feeling of its warmth making impossibley fuller.

lando would leave a wet kiss at your jaw before sitting up right on his calves and slipping out of you, both of you groaning in unison at the loss. and like. when lando pressed your legs up to your stomach, you'd thought your fucked-out mind was making shit up.

"lan?" you say for a lack of better words. a hum leaves his pretty mouth. his hands are still manhandling your legs into the position he wants. you muster up a somewhat coherent string of words when you ask, "why are you..?" "its better, for, um," he stutters, carefully selecting his next words. "to get pregnant, or something." "or something?" you tease, a stupid grin blooming on your face before you tug him down to your lips with the hand on his neck.

his torso crushed your legs together almost painfully, but the soft meeting of your lips quickly overshadow the feeling.

[heartfucksmouth]

I really fucking hate pregnancy forums and I do not belong amongst these people.

Someone else commented and went on to explain that it took until their baby was a toddler for them to realize their dog is "not their friend, but an adorable dependent"

are you

are you fucking serious.

I feel like everyone has the same brainwashed opinions and attitudes and it's fucking infuriating.

A DOG (or any pet) DEPENDS ON YOU FROM THE MOMENT YOU GET IT.

YOU CANT HATE SOMETHING FOR DEPENDING ON YOU BC YOU HAVE A HUMAN BABY NOW AND "HUMANS ARE BETTER" OR "TAKE PRIORITY".

like, if you think this way, how do you not hate your first kid for having needs whilst you have a newborn? it's not that much different to me. if you can't manage the needs of all the living beings depending on you, don't fucking have them.

my neighbor boggled my mind when she said she doesn't want kids and can't stand them and would be a horrible mom, and then she got a PUPPY and was surprised at how stressful and nerve-wracking it was. yeah, honey, you still made yourself a mom.

please, get me off this planet, I don't understand. I cannot imagine resenting my dog bc she needs to be fed and walked and played with, just bc I decided to add a baby to the family.