#played lc with my mom and brother and I tried to make them go to march because it can spawn there...

[7-andahalf-rats]

why couldn't I just like the bracken like a NORMAL person

[secret-engima]

I know you probably had too many bastard LC AU OC, but I can't help but entertain with the idea of Lightning Farron as one of them. Light probably not interest of being royalty and just being her lone wolf self and do whatever she please. Then the knowledge of what the prophecy entail come up and when 'no.' Like this is someone who sister being turn into crystal and decide 'let fight god then'. Or maybe I just like the idea bahamut realize who Light is and just 'oh no, not her' XD

I don’t have near as many as I COULD so sure let’s open a slot for one more. Also-

Ohhhhhhh.

OOHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I am not particularly “Up” on anything FF13 since I never finished the first game let alone played the other two but like- I LOVE HER. I love her from what I’ve seen in Dissidia NT and what I know from the game before I quit playing.

ohhhhhhhhhhh. I need to think about this one.

Some initial thoughts-

-This is a world after … whatever went down in FF13-2 and FF13-3 which I’m fuzzy on the details but I know it led to the making of a new world and stuff so we’ll all pretend that world was Eos.

-Regis’s road trip Oops Bby. Born to Altissian mom, doesn’t know about her magic or remembers her past until an accident nearly killed her when she was …. let’s say 8. Her magic reacted to the danger and saved her (probably the incident was a fall and her magic reacted on instinct to do that lightning float thing Lightning can do in the beginning of the first game). After that, she passed out for about three days while all her memories loaded. Woke up and freaked out over having magic because, you know, LC magic looks A LOT like l’Cie magic and for a while she was super paranoid about being saddled with a Focus. But the world she’s woken up in is … not like her old one. Not really. There are similarities but not ENOUGH.

-Starts training because she’s not an idiot, magic wants to be used and if it isn’t it will react Badly™. That, and she knows the bedtime stories of this world, the only two lines with magic are LCs and Oracles and while she’s blond, she REALLY doesn’t think this is Oracle magic.

-Weskham finds her about a month into her training, catches her trying to figure out how to use tiny bursts of ice to cross a body of water and goes “Oh dear”. Takes her under his wing and finds her … worryingly mature and paranoid. Lightning’s mom is a “lady of the night” to use the more polite Alitissian term and isn’t really … a bad mom, but is busy a lot and tired a lot and doesn’t have time to spend on Lightning more than necessary. Considering Lightning is so self-sufficient, that means Lightning is on her own a lot of the time. It makes Weskham angry.

-Weskham contacts Regis. He HAS TO. It’s his duty and this child needs a proper guardian. Lightning just about runs away into the hills, but Weskham HAD warned her beforehand and Lightning knew that she … probably wouldn’t get very far if she tried to survive in the wilds as a “wayward LC”. She knows about the Empire, she can put pieces together. Especially since she’s physically EIGHT and it would be impossible to get around without a “guardian” of some kind.

-Of course, to make it a little easier on her (and funnier for him) Weskham doesn’t CALL Regis when he contacts him, no, Weskham packs his bags and carts Lightning all the way to Insomnia to meet her dad in person (Lightning does take time to say goodbye to her mother in person, her mother is … understanding and kind, but doesn’t fight it, Lightning isn’t sure how that makes her feel).

-Weskham takes her to Insomnia and because Lightning is only 8 rn that means Aulea is still alive and Gladiolus is just born (I think). On the way to Insomnia, Weskham stops in Hammerhead to say hi to Cid. Cid takes one really long look at the pasty blond 8 yr old at Weskham’s heels with piercing armiger blue eyes and sighs. Because there’s no way that kid is Weskham’s, but something is clearly going on and Cid isn’t stupid.

-Cid: “Reggie’s kid?”

-Weskham, smiling serenely: “I’m on my way to introduce them now. Care to come?”

-Lightning, watching the unholy gleam in Weskham’s eyes and the protective, righteous wrath blooming in Cid’s: “You did this on purpose.”

-Anyway yes much drama ensues and Regis needs to sit down with a tall glass of water. Lightning is unsympathetic (Lightning in all her deadpan eight year old glory: “It’s called protection, idiot. Maybe use it next time.” Regis *chokes and sputters that an eight year old KNOWS THAT*. Aulea *coos over the sarcastic snarky bby*). Weskham is enjoying this PROBABLY too much as Cid delivers a blistering lecture and Cor smothers his snickers in the background.

-Cor and Lightning get along like a house on fire. They are fellow Murder Children. Cor can feel it in his bones.

-Aulea doesn’t die in this au because Lightning is there and she doesn’t treat LC magic the same way other LCs do so if she wants to use a healing spell to fix Aulea post Noctis being born then SHE’S GOING TO FIX AULEA. This is the woman who threw hands with multiple so-called gods. Mere post-preganacy complications are no match for her sheer levels of Stubborn.

-Regis has a minor crisis when he realizes his daughter can basically use Oracle magic without being an Oracle.

-Queen Sylva probably comes to visit because WHAT. What is going on.

-Lighting, unimpressed: “Magic is will. I wanted to heal. It’s not that hard.”

-Is the most Doting Big Sister Ever to Noctis. Her bby sibling. HERS.

-When Lightning is 14 and Noctis is 4, Regis comes back from communing with the Crystal, shaken and near tears. Lightning eavesdrops on the adults and learns that her brother is the fabled Chosen King and will have to DIE for his cause (Focus, her mind hisses, this is a FOCUS JUST LIKE L’CIE HOW dArE baHAmUt-).

-Regis and Aulea and Cor and Clarus all have joint heart attacks when a guard rushes in to say the Princess just BROKE INTO the Crystal chamber and DISAPPEARED INTO THE CRYSTAL.

-Lighting, in the blue void of the Crystal, chasing a terrified Bahamut around with her sword and all her l’Cie powers of old because SHE was the one who helped rewrite the world and now Bahamut’s gone and done the very thing she sought to wipe out: “I DID NOT SUFFER A LIFETIME OF THIS NONSENSE AND NEARLY KILL MYSELF FELLING AN ENTIRE PANTHEON JUST SO YOU COULD BRING BACK FOCUSES AGAIN.”

-Bahamut, only Just Now realizing that the legendary Lightning has been reborn and he just GAVE A FOCUS of sorts to her BABY BROTHER: “I’M SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. THE SCOURGE IS TOO GREAT FOR US TO CURE ALONE.”

-Lightning: “GET BACK HERE YOU SCALY LIZARD AND LET ME GUT YOU.”

-Ramuh in the background: *passes astral popcorn to Odin, who is very Pleased and Smug to see his former mistress still kicking butt and taking names* “Bet she gets him to finally listen to our alternate plan.”

-Odin: “Bet she comes up with an even better one and browbeats him into it.”

-Ramuh: “Deal.”

-Six hours of angry chasing, much groveling from Bahamut, and much PANIC™ from the adults who have no idea where Lightning went other than into the CRYSTAL SOMEHOW and Lightning reemerges looking irritated and smug at the same time.

-Regis: “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN???”

-Lightning, calmly putting away her sword: “Fighting the Draconian over the Prophecy.”

-Regis and Co, all having simultaneous heart attacks again: “YOU WHAT.”

-Lightning, unfazed: “Well he was being an idiot. And threatening my baby brother. So I fought him.”

-Cor, in the back, mentally: Is this what it felt like for the others when I ran off to fight Gilgamesh oh Regis I’m SO SORRY-.

-Lightning, misinterpreting the horrified looks on everyone’s faces: “Don’t worry, I won. He’s been demoted and Odin’s in charge of the Astrals now because he actually has some common sense. We’re working on an alternate plan. Noctis will be fine. I just need to go fight the Accursed now and fix him.”

-Regis, still having a heart attack: You what. They WHAT. BAHAMUT’S BEEN WHAT. YoU neEd tO WhaT-.

(pssst @oliverslewty any ideas on what to call this shiny new AU?)

[keeloves]

MY Top 10 Worst Male Characters

 Keep in mind this just my personal opinion! I would love to hear your thoughts but please keep them civil and respectful. Kicking off the list at number 10

10 Jake Salt (Famous in Love)

Don’t get me wrong he is super cute/hot but ugh he freaking irks me! First of all he treats girls like crap, he is emotionally needy and as Paige put “Nothing is ever his fault” He slept with Lexi to try and get his script published into a movie. He slept with her for several days and when once he realized that wasn’t happening he got pissed off blamed her and then he ghosted Lexi. Yeah, I know what an asshole. He confesses his “love” for Paige at a press conference right after Rainer had a severe melt down. Then once he gets with Paige he treats her like crap and is emotionally abusive. He doesn’t move into the house she bought, he didn’t stick up for her when she said no to shots but instead helped pressured her into doing shots of tequila and she ended up getting so drunk that she ended up missing her screen test and he didn’t defend her when she was being ripped to shreds by a producer guy. Skip to like 5:28 and watch until 7:16. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYMVnvjcfpY&t=7s This video was made by my dear friend @disneyfanforever3 This clip pretty much sums up why I can’t stand Jake. I am so happy Paige called him out on his bullshit.

9. Sinbad (Sinbad from Legends of the Seven Seas) 

First of all he doesn’t deserve to have this movie named after him because he is a terrible protagonist. He speaks disrespectfully to women, and just ugh! He is okay letting his friend Proteus die for a crime he did not commit and and Sinbad would run off to Fiji fully knowing his friend Proteus that he has known since CHILDHOOD would be dead as long as he can run off to Fiji. Proteus said to Sinbad while taking his place “I know you would do the same for me” and Sinbad’s reply is “No I wouldn’t” like ugh dude you aren’t that loyal! So Marina is the real hero of the movie. In fact I go a little more into detail on why I hate Sinbad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhD6mbhLJpY&lc=z23iz1vpsv3kyla3xacdp430q55un5sqk3m3zmlonvhw03c010c

8.Oliver Queen (Arrow)

I have ranted on him several times so I will try to keep this brief! He is a womanizing manwhore. He serial cheated on his girlfriend Laurel with basically every woman including her sister Sara. He did nothing to make the situation better. This pic I used of him is him flirting with Sara at the Lance family dinner and this is the moment where I wanted to punch him in the face! Ugh god he is the worst. He cheated so much that he fathered a child. He abandon Thea after she got out of the Lazurus pit all so he could play house with Felicity and he constantly goes back and forth on his no kill rule. Oh and this Oliver is a knock off version of Bruce Wayne and he is a complete 180 of who he should be.

7. Mon El (Supergirl)

I hate Mon El so much! He lied to Kara about who he was on Daxam yes I know Kara was judgmental at first but Mon El just planned to keep her in the dark the entire time of their relationship. He owned slaves and did nothing to correct the issue he just chose to stay with Kara. He called Kara his kryptonite which is something that can kill her literally so bleh! He disrespected Kara at every moment she tried to help him. He beat up another Aileen for money and he is so selfish. In fact how here is Kara chewing out Mon El’s ass out! Its very satisfying like “Paige Townsen Nothing’s ever your fault speech to Jake.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnHZInGzQ4w

6. Moses Puloki Dance Teacher (Lilo and Stitch)

A while back I made a list of my most annoying cartoon characters and he is number one on the most annoying cartoon characters list. I put him on this list because he is an adult who lets Mrytle get away with bullying Lilo. He sees it happening before his very eyes and he does nothing to stop it and instead it always Lilo’s fault. He never asks for Lilo’s side of the story and he just assumes Lilo is at fault when she beats up Mrytle. At least that is how it feels. I have never once seen him say anything to Mrytle or her possy that follow her around. To me he is my least favorite character from Lilo and Stitch and it makes me wonder why he is a teacher in the first place.

5. Thomas Humprey aka Humps (Orange is the New Black

He is an abliest piece of shit. He caused a fight all for a stupid bet. He gas lit Suzanne Warren aka Crazy Eyes and she said repeatitly she didn’t want to fight. The other gaurds are terrible because they went along with is bullshit and because of him this Suzanne beat the hell out of this other woman who also appeared to be mentally unstable because the other woman was insulting Suzanne. Suzanne beat up this other woman so much that this girl was bleeding and her face was bruised up. Two other inmates had to get Suzanne off of this other inmate. Yet all Humps did was laugh and said “Well I just made $20 bucks” Suzanne is left to cry and feel ashamed for something he started! He is so terrible he makes Pornstache look like a saint.

4. Pablo Money (Famous in Love)

He is emotionally and phyically abusive He stole Jordan’s IPad and accused Tangey of cheating. He treats Tangey like an object to be had and he kicked the door of the room where Tangey was hiding. He is possessive,manipulative and ugh! I also put him on the list because he treats my favorite character on the show like shit.

3. Every Itteration of Harrison Wells (The Flash)

I have gone on ar ant about why I hate this character so I will kep this brief as I can. The only Wells I will put up with are The original Earth 1 Wells Eowells (Season1) and Harry Wells. This character is boring, he is played out and he is just there to take up space and be a boring whtie character that Cisco has to play glorified baby sitter too. EoWells is terrible because he killed Barry’s mom, he killed Cisco and when Cisco remembers EoWells laughs in his face. Harry is awful, he faked an illness to guilt Wally into not moving in with Jesse knowing full Well that is how Francine West (Wally and Iris’s mother) died. He chokes Cisco, he also breaks Cisco’s things and never offers to fix them and he is just an ass wipe. The rest of the Wells are annoying because we don’t need anymore Wells and Sherloque Wells has annoying accent.

2. Ezra Fitz (Pretty Little Liars)

I have also ranted on him a lot as well so bare with me. He stalked teenage girls, he got with Aria knowing full well she was going to be his student and knowing she was underage. He framed Spencer for something she didn’t do and because she was on to him. He stole her files and gave it to Aria which by the way is illegal to do. Then again what does this man care about what law he breaks he is all ready guilty of statutory rape, stalking and violating privacy. He hooked up with Alison and he should have gone to prison but instead he gets to live happily ever after with Aria. He ends up marrying Aria. Yeap that’s right folks he married the girl he groomed and stalked and manipulated. He even trapped her on a Ferris wheel. 

1. Damon Salvotore (The Vampier

Ugh just thinking about him makes nauseated. He is abusive, manipulative and he ruined hi brother’s life and stole his girl and he is part of the reason why I have a hard time getting into the show. Damon is a serial rapist and serial killer. He raped Caroline, fed off of her and terrified her. He kills people Elena cares about just because she isn’t giving him what he wants. Man if Damon wants something he better get it now or else. I bet he is terrible in bed because three girls have bragged about how good Stephan is in bed and Damon only brags about himself. I say he is terrible because if he wasn’t he wouldn’t have to compel girls to sleep with him. He killed a pregnant woman this means he also killed a baby. He has no remorse for any of these things and he just relies on Elena to change him. The only time I can deal with him is when he is around Bonnie! Ugh I hate this character! He needs to trade places with Stephan and now the fact that Delena have kids together make me want to throw up my insides because it makes my skin crawl knowing Damon would father a child. Plus I think Ian Somerholder though he seems nice is not all that great of an actor.

[thehouseofgrey]

You can't tell cuz this was taken from behind, but that is Tyler Joseph, standing on some chairs in the balcony of the biggest arena in our home town, four rows down from where I was standing. I have never sobbed so hard in my life, as I did tonight, at the final show of the Tour De Columbus. I owe my very life to this man and his best friend. Me and so many others. And so this may not be a remarkable story. Or an original one. It may never make it past my own blog. But here's the story of how I lost count of how many times Twenty One Pilots saved my life. My father discovered the band by accident, seven or so years ago (give out take a year). He had gone to a bar to see a band called House of Heroes, and TOP was opening for them. I was barely a teenager then. When dad brought their music home, we fell in love immediately. It was only a few months later that I saw them for the first time. There couldn't have been more than a couple hundred people, if that. They were still quite literally underground then, playing in basements. I couldn't tell you what I liked about their music, only that I did. It rejuvenated my soul in a way nothing else did, and still to this day, nothing breathes life into me like they do. I wasn't depressed back then, but I was lonely and beaten down. They lifted me up. It was very different then. Tyler would just hop off the stage after they were done. He was just a guy. But I knew from the start, one day I'd be needing him on the radio. Seeing him at award shows. What they created was so unique. It was something that deserved the whole world as it's audience. Those two have met so many people in these past few years, I very much doubt, despite however hard I may hope, that they remember meeting me. But I remember every time I met them. I remember the time when young and eager to impress me bragged to Zach, Tyler's brother, that I could do his whole rap from Kitchen Sink and then flubbing it because i was so nervous. I remember the LC Pavilion. The rain coming down. The guys going out of their way to get me my dad and a girl who had travelled up all the way from Alabama inside. To give us t-shirts. To give us front and center spots in a standing room only show. I remember watching the FIFA world cup at a church called 5:14. I remember Tyler remembering me. I remember the stark contrast between the last show I saw before they got signed and the first show I saw after. When I was sixteen, my mom left my dad. It was very hard on me. I developed anxiety. Depression. Twenty one pilots was the only thing that could clear my head. Focus my thoughts. They got me through the divorce. It was the first time music ever really made me cry. Not an atmosphere, not a situation, but just the emotion invoked music. About a month or so into my first year of college, I was sexually assaulted, by something I had until then considered a friend. I didn't sleep that night. I listened to Twenty One Pilots and cried and tried not to feel worthless and dirty. Their music got me through a lot more nights like that after that. And when I finally told my significant other months later, when I could bear the secret no longer, their music got me through the accusations of cheating and lying that were hurled at me for several days. The implication that I was somehow to blame for allowing a friend to drive me home after getting ice cream and instead being taken somewhere I did not consent to and could not escape from would have crushed me if not for Tyler and Josh. Unsurprisingly to you, I'm sure, it was later brought to my attention that I was being severely emotionally abused by that same significant other. The break up was brutal. They nearly took their own life. I felt like I was dying. I had spent three years with that person. I was terrified. I was extremely depressed. I was alone. Except for Twenty One Pilots. When my brain decides to depersonalize, and float off, far away from my body, TØP grounds me in reality. When the stress and panic overwhelm me, TØP calms me. When the blackhole consuming me from the center of my chest gets too strong, TØP make the pain go away. When I'm hit with the urge to self harm, TØP makes me strong. And when life doesn't seem worth living anymore, Tyler Joseph, God bless him, reminds me that the will rise again. So for the first time in two years, Twenty One Pilots was home this week. And when I saw Tyler and Josh, standing on that stage, I sobbed. And I hardly stopped for the whole two hours they performed. Because, I wouldn't be alive to see them now if all those years ago, Tyler hadn't looked at Josh and Josh at Tyler and decided to pursue their dreams of playing all of the biggest venues in the world. Josh and Tyler I cannot thank you enough. You are absolute saints. You deserve all the world. Bless you. |-/ ❤

[delicateheartstranger]

March 17, 2020

Dear world,

Many things have been on my mind. My mind wanders a lot. So first lets talk about outing people. So recently the nurse at my php program outed my chosen name to my parents. Outing people sucks so fucking much. Like that was supposed to be someting I did when I was comfortable and felt safe. Not anyone else’s job. Sure slip ups happen, but that just makes me wanna go back deep in the closet. It isn’t the first time shit like this has happened. I’m talking about lots of other kinds of outings to. 

So when I was hanging with my friend DK (I have more about him later) and my friend LC we were talking about an ex friend of LC. She then proceeded to tell me how this former friend who lives up the street from me is HIV+. I didn’t know what to say. It made me kinda a mix of uncomfortable and annoyed with LC since that’s something deeply personal to just reveal regardless of how angry she was. And I mean yes the former friend was a cunt to LC from what I’ve heard, but being unstable and cunty doesn’t call for outing someone’s heath status like that. It kinda makes me trust LC less. Me and her have been friends for years although throughout them will lose contact for like a year or two and always randomly start hanging out again. So yeah outing, not good.

Now with DK. I realized that we matched on tinder a few months before we knew each other. I stopped using tinder cause I tried using it for dating and just wasn’t getting the results I was looking for. Plus lots of people swiped left on me more often when I showed my double chin in photos vs when I hid it. Don’t need that bad vibes in here. I am thinking of downloading tinder again just to delete my account or unmatch DK before he can realize we matched. It’s not that he isn’t like attractive or that I wouldn’t date him, but rather I doubt he sees me the same way? Yeah we matched and even talked a bunch, but like that doesn’t mean he likes the real me. I don’t want him to be going through his old matches one day and see me (and my deadname which I had been going by back then). I value our friendship more than any potential relationship. I don’t want things to be awkward. Plus he’s got a thing for LC. Well he has a thing for a bunch of people, but LC is on the top of the list. I just don’t think I could live up to her prettiness level at all. So I’ll repeat what I did in middle school with SM, but at least acknowledge it this time round.

What did I do in middle school? In middle school I had a close friend group between me, SM, IM, and in 8th grade our friend KL joined. We stayed close in the first half of high school, but everything fell apart around 11th grade. Or at least I grew apart from the group which hurts. I don’t know if they are still together. I should message them. I think I will after this. Anywho, back to the point. In middle school I was severally bullied. The worst bullying was those years and my time at my 2nd high school. I was pretty in the closest about my sexuality and straight up denying any form of gender dysphoria. I was one them kids who was like ‘dang i’m jealous of trans people they get to transition to the gender they feel comfy in’. Major clown vibes and egg_irl shit. But the person I realized only recently I had feelings for was SM. She was super smart, funny, kind, anxious, and very gay. At some point I realized that there was some romantic tension between her and IM. So in a way subconsciously I stepped away from feelings for her. Top it off in 8th grade we had feelings for the same girl and I set them up. I remember feeling like shit and thought it was over the other girl. Nah it was over SM. I remember she used to have the longest brown hair that she kept in a braid. I thought it was beautiful and kinda was jealous. Even when she cut it short in high school I still loved her hair. I had kept pushing away my feelings for her in all of middle school. Then came high school.

I don’t have many memories from 9th grade due to trauma. But I managed to remember all these painful memories. Ahahaha nice job me, forget the good shit and only some of the traumatic shit while remembering a lot of bad shit and some the trauma. Either way what happened was she had broken up with this girl over the summer (different schools not worth it). Then comes in my toxic friend CH. She was kinda a huge bitch. She first had a crush on my friend RS. So being the match maker I am I set her up with my friend RS (who back then for context still identified as a cis male). CH was in the closet about being trans and they dated for like a week before CH broke up claiming she didn’t want her parents thinking she was gay. Okay fine. Then late in 9th grade me, CH, SM, and a few other friends hung out at lunch. CH told me she had a thing for SM and I could tell SM had a thing for CH. So with a lil bit of work and match making magic I got them together. It was kinda in a way me trying to make SM unobtainable even though by then I was okayish with my sexuality. I remember at many points feeling this deep sinking pain in my chest and stomach when I saw them together. The heat in my ears would rise and I felt like crying. I for awhile thought it was over CH. Then it hit me one day in 9th grade it was over SM. I was so ashamed and felt so fucking shitty that I just kinda pushed it away.. Tucked away my feelings and even the memory of knowing, although the memory of realizing could’ve left cause trauma. Another time I was looking for the two of them at lunch and I found them making out behind the school. The pain in that moment I could not use enough words combined with all the languages to explain that pain. It was worse than a speeding commuter train hitting me while watching a bunch of kittens get shot. I would later learn that same pain when I had to avert my eyes from seeing DW kissing this girl for a play. To cope with it in the moment I remember cracking a joke and leaving. 

I loved her. Soon enough the two of them broke up cause SM wasn’t i a good head space and she was like I don’t wanna hurt CH like that. CH was also plus size like me. That will be relevant later. So now the scene is 10th grade. SM introduces me to SMY. They had known each other for awhile and rode the same bus home. SMY was a year younger though. Soon enough SMY and SM started dating. I felt that same pain again. I didn’t know this time why as by then I forgot about figuring out. SMY a few months in came out as non binary. SM was fine with that and still liked SMY regardless. So when I left my first high school I kinda fell outta contact with SMY. She never was good with that outside of school with me. Then in my first year of 12th grade after KL saw me (yes even in 12th grade I was this bitch) cut on my snap story brought all of us together. I talked to all them and for a few months we were as close as we’d been back in the good old days. It was so refreshing to talk to SM. But nothing good last in my life. SM left the chat. Fine. Then IM leave. Then it kinda goes silent and we all fall apart. Or at least I’m not there. Again after this I’m gonna try and message all three of them. I miss them. SO YEAH I BASICALLY LET MYSELF NOT BE WITH SM. She was open to dating fat, non binary, non typical beauty people, and I just made up excuses to repress my feelings. I wouldn’t let myself be happy? Who knows. She could’ve rejected me and it could’ve made shit real awkward. 

I’m gonna just do the same thing? But knowingly this time and more self aware with DK. Sure it’s not really too healthy, but it’s with the pros and cons put together better than the cons of potential revealing of this info and me trying to pursue a relationship. Besides, me and him have wayyyyyy to much shit we’d needa work on before dating. Like you can and date with mental illness and should be able to. But if both partners suffer both need to have a certain level of stability or it could lead to lots of unhealthy shit. Witnesses enough where that wasn’t true and I ain’t signing up for that. 

Good things that happened today was that a cosplay tik toker I like liked my comment I put on their video, after I did a cosplay duet to another one that I like they also liked the video I made and commented something nice, and soon me and my mom will watch The Goldfinch together.

My brother’s school is forcing him out. The state was like ‘yea no ya’ll better gtfo and go home while corona up in this bitch.’ So there goes my mental stability. I’m kinda fucked now. My parents are leaving tomorrow to pick him up. So yeah world I’m actually fucked. I am worried that I might do something I will regret in these coming days and weeks. I have had a bit more non passive thoughts about self harm and SI. I won’t have anything. No where to hide. No where to cosplay. Even more judgment. I’m actually screwed. Wish me luck. Hopefully things will turn out good? Probably not. Hope if you’re reading this things are good for you. Any advice?

Yours cordially,

A