#pinetarsol

[brittapcrrys]

Was hoping the promethazine would knock me the fuck out (50/50 odds anytime I take it) so boo to that not happening, but it has taken a lot of the sting out of the hives, and I feel very chill so for now that's good enough

[kangabounce-blog]

What I'm bathing in when it's been an itchy day...I usually post my "luxury" "taking a break" baths, not so much what the usual is 🤫😏 . . . #definitelynotlush #psoriasis #psoriasisawareness #pinetarsol #smellsgreat #haha #bathtime #staymoist #psoriasiswarrior #psoriasistreatment (at Melbourne, Victoria, Australia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0S-WbjAXJn/?igshid=c646d417e0yx

[mohdnoorrph]

Tar As a effective relief from head to toe For scalp, eczema, itch, Inflammation, pruritus psoriasis and persistent dermatitis. #sebitar #pinetarsol #egopsorylta Info click farmasiannona.wasap.my/

[cuddlyclaws]

I'm angry, I’m ready to scream

I am so frustrated. I hate my skin and it makes me hate myself and this makes me hate myself and my skin even more.

For about 2 weeks my skin has slowly been in decline. It has been 2 years of fighting myself, questioning everything and struggles. When I am in a flare up like this there is nothing else. I want to curl up in bed and make the world go away. I want to lie in a warm bath and drift away. It is my moment of reprieve. A time when everything silences and calms. When I enter the water I feel the sting. I feel every little raw spot. Once the sting goes I melt away. I don't let anybody part touch another as this breaks the illusion that everything is ok. Then I run my hands over my forehead I feel the sting again. When I run my fingers over my chest and shoulders I feel all the bumps. My skin feels like I imagine a crocodile’s would. It is no longer my skin, it is a torture device. I am in a prison. I search for a key, I follow the rules and still more of this and worse.

I am tired, I am cold, I am angry and I am deflated. I do not want to see anyone. I am ashamed of how I look and feel. It is only superficial but it steals my soul.

For a couple of weeks now I have been doing light treatment sessions. I showed the dermatologist my rash before this session and he calmly stated it looks like eczema. This is not my normal eczema though. I recognise my normal eczema. I complete my light therapy session and collect my script on the way out the door. More steroids. Prednisone course this time. 

I come home, have breakfast while watching videos of the Las Vegas massacre. It makes me sick how greed and politics can run over common sense. America is so screwed up how big corporations and organisations such as the NRA can control the agenda so heavily. I am equally appalled at the sorry state of the American health system for the same reasons. And this is my mood. Issues, problems, anger, hatred all boiling away. I believe I am normally a positive person. I despise how my skin robs me of this. I normally have energy and enthusiasm. I only feel like curling up into a ball and feeling sorry for myself.

The massacre. Nobody at that event was ready to die. My wife is courageously battling terminal cancer yet still I fall into my black hole and feel sorry for myself. This is not right, this is not me. I am privileged to live in this country, to be loved, to have a purpose, to have friends and family. Right now all I feel is itch, dryness, frustration, pain, anger and despair. 

I took our dog Ailbe to the vets for a check-up as he was a little unwell yesterday and shaking this morning. He was fine and had his shots etc. During this trip, I must have got his saliva on me when scratching subconsciously or something. On the drive home I was gradually spiralling into an itchy mess. I am so sensitive right now that now things are affecting me when they don't normally. My neck was red and swollen. It snowballed so fast. I was a blur of hands as I scratched and rubbed. both trying to scratch and not at the same time. My inner monologue started quietly saying stop, don't, and soon was yelling stop scratching, you are stronger than this, you are only making it worse, you are damaging yourself, all while I continued to scratch and weep. I want to scratch my skin from my body but at the same time know the pain, frustration and further healing this would require. God, it would feel so good and so right in this moment.

In a fit of frustration and sanity, I break out and whipped on the taps, dash downstairs and grab a new bottle of Pinetarsol. A bright green bath additive to help calm red and inflamed skin. There was a protective cap under the lid I roughly stabbed with the handle of a toothbrush and poured it in. I splashed the Kermit green water on my face from the running bath and felt that familiar sting of skin damage. White remnants of moisturiser coat my wet hands. As soon as possible I sank into the bath. Under from head to toe in my own private tiny quiet world. Eventually, only my lips break the surface to allow me to continue to live in my wee world away from my body. 

Getting out is something I have to psych up for. The towel hurts, the resulting drying hurts my sensitive, broken skin. I dry only my hair and smear my self in greasy steroid creams. Like an addict getting a taste or the forbidden elixir, I soak it up. Relaxing into the ointment pushing back the guilt. Remembering the feeling of artificial healing and relief. I coat myself and the world has calmed a little. Like the eye of a hurricane I know it is only temporary but I will take it.

I sit here in my boxers as I am too greasy to put on clothes. I am also scared any clothes may irritate my heightened skin or soak away my relief. I apologise if this makes little sense, I have literally just dumped my frustrations out onto this page. It will come right. I know this, but constant repair and steroids is not a viable long-term strategy. I have made an appointment with a touchy-feely place tomorrow on the recommendation of my dad. I have been down this road before. We shall see.

[tellmevarric]

nightfalltwen answered your question: Things I did not want to discover this week - that...

Do you have any baking soda? Fill your bathtub with warm water and dissolve baking soda. it helped with my sister’s chicken pox when she was little

Oooh! I will try that. Thank you! I also have some Pinetarsol which helps with the itch and is bringing back memories of the yellow Pinetarsol baths Mum dunked me in when I had chicken pox and rubella as a kid. *lol*  

Mind you, I think the steroids are starting to kick in because the red spots on my arms are looking blurry instead of being clear round spots and some are fading. (Assuming that’s not wishful thinking!) But my chest and back are making me want to stab something!

[haylztorm]

Eczema keeps flaring up so it's time for all the Pinetarsol #stupiditchyskin #eczema

[cuddlyclaws]

Don't make me Angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm Angry!

I believe the emotional side of a flare up is dramatically underappreciated by people who do not have a skin condition. The emotional and psychological toll can be the biggest problem overall I believe. It can unfortunately also create a downward spiral, I feel rubbish because my skin is no good and my skin gets worse because my mood is down and so it continues. Exacerbated by guilty pleasure eating to make yourself feel better that is generally fatty, processed or sugary food. THis again makes the situation worse and on it goes.

This green photo above is me underwater in a bath with the green Pinetarsol, trying to calm my red itchy skin. Life just seems harder when there is a flare up. GIven the down mood, I can go into during these times, I tend to also become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I see the bad stuff around me and that just reinforces my perception. It can kill confidence, motivation, engagement and joy. Contact with other people can wither away as you hide in your little hole of self-pity and frustration. If I have to go out and I have a flare up I tend to hide under a cap. It is a great place to hide for me, esp because an am short and people angle down to my sore face is blocked by the brim.

Luckily, I know these things a cyclical and there will be an up and out of this hole. I am by nature a positive and outgoing person. I love interacting with people. Discovering who they are, what makes them tick, what they have going on in their lives, what connection we have plus what can I learn from this person. Luckily, I know this will return soon and sometimes it is just a matter of kicking my own butt out of my comfort zone and realise this is a bigger deal to me than the others around me. People understand and are supportive. I will not let this skin flare up rob me of what I enjoy. I truly sympathise with the people out there who are in a hole and struggling with their skin. But I say that our skin has taken enough from us. I challenge you to layer up on the barrier cream and head out and do something that fills back up the bucket that life and flare ups drain. Go to the beach, a river, a walk in the hills, watch a sun set, go bush or out for dinner. Please share with me what you have done to fill up the bucket.