#picani doesn’t want to encourage crimes

[mythrianalpha]

Shoutout to fever brain for giving me one of the funniest meet-cute-esque ideas. I think the context was Remus seeing a nervous Janus in Picani’s waiting room and trying to make him feel better, and Picani wondering why his next meeting hasn’t shown up despite being checked in. Totally works if ‘too incredulous to feel anxiety’ counts as a success, though I imagine most initial interactions with remus feel like getting hit with a frying pan.

“Everything alright out here?”

“We locked eyes and he saw the truth. He simply could not handle his own accursed swaglessness in the face of my fly vibes. That’s okay though; the true swag is all the branded shit we’re gonna steal from the mall at 5.”

“Did you just call me fucking swagless and invite me shoplifting?”

[today-only-happens-once]

With Great Power - Chapter 1

Fic Title: With Great Power

Chapter: 1

Fic Summary: Thomas Sanders is just a regular social media personality. But when he gets bit by a spider during filming one of his YouTube videos, his whole life is about to turn upside down—whether he (or the aspects of his personality) want it to or not. Platonic LAMP/CALM + Character!Thomas. Spider-Man AU (but more the concept of Spider-Man and contains no spoilers for any particular movie/comic series).

Word Count: 3188

Warnings: (on a chapter-by-chapter basis) news broadcast discussing vehicle-related violent crime, Cartoon Therapy references (not significant to plot), spiders, spider bites, cursing, panic (but not an attack), death mention, nausea/vertigo, please let met know if I missed anything.

A/N: I went to see the new Spider-Man movie and got inspired. This fic is not based on the new movie, so no spoilers there; just inspired this project. It was one of those things that started as a small idea and soon snowballed into a locomotive trying to run me over with all the ideas I started getting for it. First multichapter project for this fandom, so… I’m both scared and excited to undertake this project. Deeply appreciate anyone willing to be along for the ride. <3 Please, please let me know your thoughts!

Extra shout-out to @creativenostalgiastuff, @vigilantvirgil, and everyone else who offered writing advice, reassurance, and encouragement through the chaos of my nerves and self-doubt in writing this first chapter. I appreciate the heck out of it.

Tags at the bottom. 

When Thomas wakes up to the sun streaming in through the blinds of his bedroom window late Saturday morning, he contemplates rolling over and trying to go back to sleep. Filming for the next Cartoon Therapy had gone late into the night last night, and Thomas hadn’t collapsed into his bed until somewhere around 3 in the morning. He blindly reaches a hand out for his phone tossed haphazardly amidst the covers and squints blearily at it to check the time.

It’s almost noon. Besides, he has a text from Joan saying they have an idea about how fix part of the script that just hadn’t been working for them last night. They were already two days behind schedule. Thomas figures it’s probably time to get rolling.

He shoots a text back to Joan telling them to swing by whenever and they could head to the location. Kyle and Terrence were scheduled to stop by to film their part of the episode in the early evening, so if they hurried, they could probably knock out the script problem in the scene between Elliot and Picani before they arrived. If they worked late enough, they could maybe even make up one of the days they were behind.

Best laid plans, says a vaguely foreboding voice in Thomas’s head. He sits up and rakes a hand through his fading purple hair. He sends out a quick tweet, Busy day of filming ahead! Can’t wait for you guys to see this one, because he knows he won’t be online much at all today and locks his phone before quickly getting dressed.

He stumbles half-awake to the kitchen and pops a bagel into the toaster. He mindlessly turns on the television with the remote he’d set on the counter from the night before. The voice of a female news anchor fills the quiet apartment as Thomas turns to the refrigerator.

“—night. Police are interrogating the suspect now. According to preliminary reports, the man driving the bus claims to have no memory of the incident. The driver of the other vehicle is in critical condition, and two civilian deaths have been confirmed so far. The Congressman believed to be the actual target has issued no formal statement at this time, but he is expected to hold a press conference this afternoon.”

Thomas sighs as he reads the headline at the bottom of the screen. Bus Crash Is Suspected Assassination Attempt it reads in big block letters as the camera switches to an aerial view of the crash. Thomas’s chest twists with compassion.

The scene switches back to a different news anchor. “This is another installment in a long line of increasing instances of violent crimes and death brought about by people claiming to have no memory of the incident itself. And we have here with us an expert in—"

He’s pulled from the broadcast at the sound of the toaster popping up and a subsequent ding from his phone. It’s a text from Joan. We’re here. Thomas switches the television off and grabs his keys and phone, thinking in the back of his mind that maybe the next video they do ought to be a new installment of “reasons to smile”.

…

“Picani, there’s… something I should probably tell you,” Joan says, delivering their line as Elliot. There’s a pause, and then they shake their head. “Wait, I want to re-try that.”

Thomas gives Joan a patient smile and nods. Joan repeats the line, adjusting where they put emphasis and how long they paused before breaking character and giving a satisfied nod. They were happier with that take, and Thomas admits that their delivery fit the moment a bit better as well.

The lighting fixtures in front of the couch cramps the relatively small office space, and Thomas glances around the room as Joan responds to a text they apparently received from Terrence about costume design for Corbin. The blue Stitch poster, framed still from Spongebob, and Steven Universe merchandise hanging on the wall pop against the cream colored paint above the brown couch. It stirs—unexpectedly, although not for the first time—something inside of Thomas. A reminder of where he is, what he was getting to do every day…

Ten years ago, if you’d asked him, he never would have guessed that he’d be making YouTube videos full time. He’d graduated with a degree in chemical engineering, after all. But then he’d discovered Vine, and one thing led to another… and here he was. Writing, acting, directing, and producing videos for real life people who were incredibly kind and supportive of him. His life had taken several crazy twists, especially in recent years, but he liked where he was. He still had plenty of dreams and aspirations, but he was putting content out in the world that was making a difference to people. Making people smile. He was getting to do… really freaking cool things. Every single day.

“You okay, man?” Joan asks, breaking into his thoughts.

Thomas blinks and shakes his head. “Yeah. Sorry. Just zoned out, I guess.”

Joan quirks an eyebrow at him. “We can take a break if you need it.”

“I’m good,” Thomas replies, swiping the bangs out of his eyes. “Any update from Terrence?”

“He’s on his way.” Joan adjusts the hem of their skirt. “Kyle said he’d be a couple minutes late, but I told him that was fine.”

Thomas nods. “No, yeah. It’s all good.” He flips through a couple pages of the script, re-reading a few lines. Joan arches their eyebrows at him, but Thomas purses his lips in thought before looking back up. “I was thinking last night about this scene where they talk about Mitchell—" Thomas glances down at the script in his hands and cuts himself off at the sight of a huge, dark spider sitting on his hand. “Shit!”

Thomas jerks his hand hard. The spider goes flying through the room. His heart is pounding in his throat.  “Where did it go? Where did it go?”

“What?” Joan asks, faintly alarmed. “Where did what go?”

“You didn’t see it?” Thomas asks them, incredulous. “It was huge and on my hand and---eugh.” He shakes his hand out again, shivers running down his spine.

Joan glances around the room. “You mean like a fucking spider or some shit?”

Thomas nods, cradling the hand it had been on. It’s no secret just how much he hates spiders. He knows it isn’t even entirely rational, but something just really freaks him out about them. And it had been big. And on him. Thomas fights back another shudder.

“Did it bite you?” Joan asks.

“Did it what?” The question itself is enough to send a ripple of alarm through Thomas.

Joan shoots him a look that is something between sympathetic and slightly amused. They hold out their hand. “Here. Let me see.”

Hesitantly, Thomas lets Joan take his hand and glances around the room while they investigate. His brown eyes scan the dark wood floor, the shelves along the walls, even the cream walls themselves. There’s no sign of the arachnid, and if he’s being honest with himself, he isn’t sure if that makes him more anxious or relaxed. He feels Joan rub their thumb across the heel of his hand, then pull it closer to their face.

“What’s the verdict, doc?” Thomas jokes when Joan doesn’t say anything for a moment. He can’t quite manage to sound as lighthearted as he wants to.

Joan sucks in a breath through their teeth and releases Thomas’s hand. “It looks like you might’ve gotten bit, but it’s not anything dangerous as far as I can tell. Maybe wash it out or put ice on it or something just to be safe? We’ve got time to kill anyway.”

Thomas blows out a breath and stands. He cringes a little as he realizes he dumped the script unceremoniously onto the floor when he’d seen the spider on his hand. He gingerly hops over the loose pages. “I’ll fix that,” he promises before hurrying out of the room and down towards the bathroom.

…

Thomas looks down at his hand as he runs cold water over it. The bathroom of the office space is empty on a Saturday afternoon. The fluorescent lights above illuminate dark tile, and a light blue wall does little to absorb the terrible bathroom lighting. He glances around—noting the dark blue stalls and pristine white sink—as if it will somehow distract him from the thoughts growing louder in the back of his head.

“Thomas,” Logan says as he appears behind the internet personality, his voice dripping in annoyance and frustration. He smooths his striped tie against his black polo as Thomas meets his gaze through the mirror. “Will you please explain to Virgil that the likelihood you are in any danger—immediate or otherwise—from a simple spider bite is miniscule at best?”

“Thomas,” Virgil quips as he appears beside Logan, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his hoodie, “will you please tell Logan that miniscule is not zero?” Thomas sighs and glances at the two’s reflection in the mirror.

Logan crosses his arms over his chest. “Virgil, I am quite aware that the quantity expressed by the term ‘miniscule’ is not equivalent to zero.” He waves a dismissive hand. “But worrying over such small odds—”

“I don’t know, kiddo,” Patton cuts in as he appears as well, his brow furrowed in concern as he briefly meets Thomas’s gaze through the reflection. The cat hoodie is tied around his shoulders. “Spiders kind of freak me out.”

“He has called them ‘creepy crawly death dealers’,” Virgil adds, pointing a finger at the father figure. “And that was when they weren’t even real.”

“Have no fear, Padré,” Roman announces, appearing behind Thomas between Patton and Virgil. The red sash stretched across his white suit stands out sharply against he blue bathroom stalls. “If such a poisonous pest were to harm our host, I will die defending you all—”

“Die?!”

“Actually,” Logan says, adjusting the frame of his glasses, “the spider would not be poisonous. I believe you are looking for the term ‘venomous’, in this instance. Something is only poisonous if the consumption of it results in sickness or death, whereas--”

Thomas twists the faucet off and turns around to his bickering personality traits. “Guys,” he says. “Can we just, like, chill? For one second?”

Virgil bites at his thumbnail, his gaze zeroing in on Thomas’s hand. “Is it red? Does it look infected?”

Logan moves to stand beside Thomas as the host takes a closer look at the appendage. Thomas shrugs as Logan looks back up at Virgil. “There may be some slight reddening of the skin,” the Logical Side explains, “but that is normal in this case.”

“Are you sure?” Virgil asks, a slightly challenging edge to his voice.

“Of course he’s sure, Virge,” Patton offers softly. “Besides, we trust Joan, right? And Joan didn’t seem to think anything was wrong or dangerous. Just thought we should clean it to be safe.”

Virgil takes a breath and nods. “Okay. Sorry, I just…” he trails off with a sigh and shoves his hand back into his pocket. He curls in on himself a bit.

“It’s all good, Virge,” Thomas assures him. “You’re just trying to look out for me. And I hear ya. But I don’t think we have anything to worry about.” He gives his Anxious Side a small smile and sees the corner of Virgil’s mouth quirk briefly.

“Cool,” he says, but the way his shoulders relax betrays the relief he evidently feels. Thomas feels the lingering tension release in his own chest too.

As the aspects of his personality sink out, Thomas grabs a paper towel and dries his hand before hurrying back to the office. It’s just a small spider bite. He has nothing to worry about.

…

When Thomas wakes up the next morning, it’s to his cellphone ringing. He scrubs a hand across his eyes and picks it up, seeing Joan’s smiling face and name on the screen. He swipes to answer it, pressing it to his ear.

“Yeah?” he asks, his voice gruff from lingering sleepiness. “What’s up, Joan?”

“I—Did you just wake up?”

Thomas glances at the clock on his bedside dresser. He was supposed to be at the office fifteen minutes ago. He scrambles out of bed. “If I say yes, will you hate me?”

“Yes,” Joan deadpans. Thomas huffs a faintly embarrassed laugh.

“I’ll be there asap,” he promises. He pulls the phone away from his hand and presses the red button on the screen to hang up. Except when he moves to pull his finger off the screen, it doesn’t move.

Thomas frowns, tugging harder to get his finger off the screen. He feels the joint stretch slightly, but the tip of his index finger stays stuck to the screen as if superglued on. When he tries to drop the hand holding the phone, it stays trapped to the device as well. Thomas feels his confusion only deepen. It’s not like the phone itself was sticky when he picked it up. So why the hell couldn’t he let go of it?

He tries wrenching both hands apart from the device at the same time. The feat, however, is to no avail; he feels a few of his knuckles pop and winces slightly. He takes a seat on the bed and looks closer at the device in his hands. It doesn’t appear to be covered in any residue. Neither do his hands.

Weird…

Thomas purses his lips, then wedges his feet up against his phone and tries to push it out of his hands.

It’s exactly the wrong thing to do, apparently. His phone stays glued to his hands and—much to his dismay—his feet. Thomas rolls back on his bed, his fingers and sock-clad feet stuck to his cell phone, causing him to be folded up in an awkward pretzel. Thomas stares at the white ceiling of his bedroom and sighs.

Maybe this is some weird fever dream. Something in the back of his mind reminds Thomas of the rumor that you can’t read while you’re dreaming, and he cranes his neck over to the shelf in his room. The fourth Harry Potter book sits on the corner and sure enough—even though he’s looking at it upside down—he can read the title easily enough.

Not a dream.

Huh.

Thomas takes in a deep breath and releases it slowly. Maybe he’s just psyching himself out or something. All he really needs to do is not freak out and just let go. Right? What was that breathing exercise Virgil taught him? In for four, hold for seven, out for eight? Thomas closes his eyes and tries it.

A moment later, he hears a quiet thump against the mattress and can flex his fingers. Thomas lets his legs fall over the edge of the bed and his arms flop to his sides and stares for a moment longer at the ceiling. If he’s being honest, he isn’t entirely convinced that what just happened was even real.

He blinks hard and shakes his head. He thinks about reaching for his phone again, maybe to text Joan or even send out a tweet, but he stops short. Maybe he’s being paranoid or stupid or superstitious but the suddenly the last thing he wants to do is touch his phone again. Thomas huffs a breath. He just needs to wake up more. A cold shower and he’d be good to go. And he’d never mention whatever just happened to anyone ever.

Thomas rolls off the bed and stands, raking a hand through his hair. He wanders over to his closet, stepping carefully over discarded dirty clothes that litter his floor. He sighs as he looks at his options, all too aware that he is running very late and yet somehow still unable to shake the uneasiness in his stomach from whatever it was that had just happened. He isn’t sure how to make sense of it other than to try to push it to the back of his mind.

Thomas shakes his head quickly and leans a hand against the wall as he attempts to focus on the clothes hanging in his closet. Just pick an outfit, Thomas, he tells himself firmly. You don’t have time for this.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and settles on a pair of jeans and one of the dark t-shirts on the hanger. He moves to pull his hand away from the wall to grab them, except… it’s stuck.

“What the…”

For all of Thomas’s efforts the past couple of minutes to push the alarm and confusion to the back of his mind regarding the instance with his phone, the panic slams back to the forefront. Thomas braces a foot against the wall and tries to wrench his hand free and then immediately feels like an idiot.

Because—and he feels like he really should have predicted this outcome of events—his foot sticks to the wall too.

Thomas grunts in effort, bracing the other foot against the wall up closer to his hand and pulls. He manages to wrench his hand free—the outer layer of paint rips off the wall where his hand had been and stays stuck to his fingertips and palm. He nearly loses his balance, his weight wobbling and his arms flailing in a frantic attempt to maintain his balance.

When he regains it, Thomas can feel his heart in his throat. He’s standing upright, on his feet. So why is he looking at his ceiling?

Because he’s standing on the wall. His feet are planted firmly against the beige wall, his body parallel to the floor, and Thomas suddenly feels faintly dizzy. He can feel himself swaying and blindly reaches his hands out to steady himself. He squeezes his eyes shut as his hands connect with something solid.

Maybe that whole thing about not being able to read while dreaming is a myth. This can’t possibly be real. For some reason, the thought eases the surge of panic-induced bile raging in his stomach, and Thomas feels his feet pull off from the wall. But they don’t land on anything concrete. Thomas feels a sharp pull in his shoulders, his feet dangling in the air.

When he opens his eyes, he realizes that the thing his hands had connected with when he’d started to sway was, in fact, his bedroom ceiling. Thomas yelps, kicking his feet back towards the wall. He isn’t sure if he’s relieved when they stick again.

Thomas hears a familiar whoosh and cranes his neck towards his bed, trying to not let dizziness over take him from seeing his bedroom upside down. Virgil is looking at up at him, his Anxious Side’s eyes wide and his hood pulled up over his sweep of bangs.

“Thomas,” he says, his voice loud and distorted. “We have a major problem.”

…

Tags: @helloisthisusernametaken, @ren-allen, @quoth-the-sparrow, @princelogical, @random-pianist, @ravenclawicecream, @erlenmeyertrash, @milomeepit, @at-least-seven-pretty-potatoes, @rileyfirstname, @pinkeasteregg, @sassy-in-glasses, @generalfandomfabulousness, @lacrimosathedark, @thepoolofthedead, @monikastec, @heir-of-the-founders, @yourworstnightmare999, @artistictaurean, @kanejandkruge, @cdragontogacotar, @candiukas, @damienswifeolicitydallysgirl, @angst-patton, @savingshae, @noneed4thistbh, @awesomelissawho, @unikornavenger, @bopthesnoz, @spiralofsilencetheory, @finger-gunsss, @crownswriter123, @swlotakulady34, @jemthebookworm, @blue-fluffy-dragon

[sher-soc-the-famder]

*kicks down door* 

OK Y’ALL WELCOME TO HEIR OF PARIS HIGH SCHOOL, semi-affectionately known as “Rare Pair High.” It used to be home to the richer up town kids but as the city expanded, the building was bought by the government and converted into a public school. Thus the...rather pretentious name that almost no one uses. Rare Pair High is home to a rather eclectic bunch of students such as:

Remy Anholts

-The Local Cryptid, everyone’s heard of him, yet almost no one actually knows anything about him

-Best friends with local Rising Star Roman Prinson, grew up with Roman and is the reason that Roman’s grade have managed to scrape by into passing

-Sunglasses and Starbucks yo, the teachers have given up on giving him detentions for either of them

-Lives with his Grammy who is as made of sass as he is

-Doesn’t do clubs but since he carpools with Roman, he’s seen just about everywhere, usually just naps through all the activities

-Has in fact, fallen asleep in the theater rafters before 

- “C’s get degrees” is his motto despite not being in college yet, does the bare minimum to pass any class before mentally checking out altogether, has no idea what he’s doing in the future and doesn’t care

-Except for in one

-Woodworking

-Not because he loves it but because the cute boy he’s been crushing on since middle school takes it as well. Legit the only reason he’s there

Roman Prinson

-Well known “Rising Star,” he knows pretty much e v e r y o n e and does pretty much everything

-Football in fall, indoor soccer during the winter, track in spring, swim team in the summer, theater and drama year round, writing club, art club, fashion design, Spanish club, the school newspaper, community service and choir

-A busy busy boy, who needs help to remember to eat and sleep and do his homework

-Has gotten detention for falling asleep in class before and tried to negotiate his way out of it because he was needed at practice/rehearsal/club meeting/volunteer hours, did not in fact make it out

-Used the time to nap

-Attached at the hip with Remy, gets a kick out of helping spread rumors about his best friend, favorite to date is the “Remy’s secretly Roman’s bodyguard, who keeps Roman’s secret that he’s actually a prince”

-Encouraged the nickname “Princey” because of it

-Easily upset when any funding to his clubs are cut and butts heads with the student council president over it

-Has in fact gotten votes to be on the council despite not running in anyway shape or form, he ain’t got time for that

Patton Carpenter

-The cute boy in woodworking that Remy has a crush on

-Best friends with Logan, but otherwise rather invisible on the social ladder

-Wants to be a Carpenter when he grows up because puns but also the steady motion of carving wood soothes him and it makes him proud to see what he’s made with his own two hands

-His father is Mr Emilie Picani who teaches across the street at the elementary school, they have lunch together every day and Patton helps tutor some of the smols in exchange of hair clips

-Clips his hair back so that he can see his blades and tools, and has no idea how much of a disaster it makes Remy who can’t stop staring at him and his sparkly rainbow clips that end up in his hair

-Used to date Logan but they agreed they worked better as best friends, and is a constant support to the student council president

-Spends his time in the woodworking shop after school and often walks home with Logan 

-Has trouble believing Remy’s flirtations are genuine, though he enjoys the jokes even if some of them fly over his head, has made Remy blush with some of the dirtier jokes he’s returned with 

-adores his twin brother even though most don’t really understand their relationship, is always excited to see Dex even if it confuses him as to why Remy isn’t

Dexter Carpenter

-Roman’s ULTIMATE RIVAL ON THE STAGE, is actually an astounding actor even if it rubs Roman wrong some of the ways Dex uses his skills

-a little shit and everyone can agree on that, well everyone except Patton

-adores his twin, though isn’t someone to show it all that much, anyone who so much as talks to Patton tends to get “vetted” by him at some point and God save your soul if he finds you lacking

-Got a bully suspended and then expelled for picking on Patton, planted drugs in their locker and put his acting skills to use when reporting it to the principle, smirked at the bully and no one believes them to this day

-Teacher’s Pet on the outside and other student’s worst nightmares on the inside, will suck up and lie and occasionally cheat to get what he wants

-passive aggressively promotes Patton to everyone he talks to be his brother is the best you got it? well everyone except Remy, Remy can go die in a fire for all Dex cares

-Does Not Approve of Remy trying to seduce his brother, pranked Roman’s locker for encouraging it, and cuts in at every chance he can get

-has a couple of friends that Patton is not allowed to meet. Under any circumstances.

-most everyone honestly believes he’ll end up in organized crime, on TV rich and successful and though there’ll be no proof, the look in his eyes will be clear that he’s killed a man before

Logan Fitzroy

-Student body president as well as captain of the chess and debate teams, is well liked and well received by majority of the student body

-Roman Prinson is the bane of his existence, with his insistence that everything be funded more despite the fact that Logan or the school can’t exactly make money appear out of the air

-Student council is the first step on his plan for total world domination his career as a politician, Logan wants to change the world for the better even if he has to get his hands dirty to do it

-Used to date Patton, and took a little bit to get over the break up, settled into Patton being his best friend and honestly believes they came out better for it

-tutors struggling students in his spare time, well struggling students and then Virgil who is enough of an anxious mess that he has Logan tutor him just in case

-may have a low key crush on Virgil, but is b u s y, with college and the situation with Remy and Patton (and making sure Dex doesn’t murder anyone), and then there’s Roman bothering him about the cut drama funding and Logan just would like a moment to breath p l z

-walks his little brother, Thomas, to and from school every day with Patton

Virgil Sanders

-the Teacher’s Golden Boy, legit the personification of “you’re so polite!” “Thanks I have anxiety”

-has a 4.0 gpa despite having no idea what he wants to do later in life because whAT IF THE COLLEGE NEEDS IT, what if he doesn’t score high enough on his tests, what if he wants to go into medical, what if-

-is leaning towards Psychology at the moment, enjoys that class the most even if he only took it to help better understand his own anxiety

-would very much wish that people would stop talking to him, he wants to study and panic in peace fuck you very much, but Logan comes with Patton who comes with Dex and Remy who comes with Roman

-had a crush on Roman until he was actually around for Roman to open his mouth, decided that the moron looked good and he would eat the eye candy but go no further

-had a crush on Logan but decided that Logan was way too out of his league and deserved better and honestly kinda thinks Patton and Logan may still be dating, so he shouldn’t let it get further

-Spoiler: he goes further and whoops now he’s crushing on the two most popular students in the school  

-Would Die for Patton and is the only person to gain Dex’s 100% approval for hanging out with Patton

[lilrooroo]

Headcanons for an disabilities human au

I did a lot of research and talked to friends with these issues, so I hope everyone enjoys! I worked really hard on them

Emile Picani

47 years old

The doctor of all the others

Believes regression therapy is a valid and good coping techniques

Acts like his clients caretaker during their sessions

Loves his clients so much, gets truly upset when something bad happens to them.

Best caring doctor ever.

In general one cool dude

Married to Thomas (29 year old)

Met his husband though friends. Nether of them cares about their age gap. Has dated since Thomas was 26 married a couple months ago

Patton Miles has Bipolar I Disorder

22 years old

Spends a lot of time stable or on highs

Tries to hide it when he’s low

When he’s feeling a depression episode he tends to wear large sweaters and forget to take care of himself

Sleeps a lot during low periods and eats a lot

No energy to do anything feels empty

Slowest talker ever

During his highs he’s bouncing off the walls

Fastest talker ever

Hyper touchy (cuddles? Lets cuddle!)

Tends to be more dangerous

Started regression therapy for his low periods, finds that it really helps, now does it during his ups too.

His little age is 3-5

Has a stuffed brown bunny named “Coffee”

Meets Logan first. Adores the taller man. Finds him cute.

Has been called Patton Smiles before

Logan Powell is High Functioning Autistic

22 years old

Has known he had autism for a very long time

Started going to therapy because he wants to learn how to fit in

Monotone talking, but very passionate about topics even if his voice doesn’t seem like it

Likes pressure, enjoys bear hugs as long as he doesn’t have to hug back

Emile gives really good hard hugs, he likes them

Hates gentle touches, can’t stand someone slightly touching him or giving him a soft hug ew

Doesn’t understand jokes, when told it’s a joke he’ll just say “Ha”

Makes lists for everything, most organized person in the world

Routines Routines Routines

Hand flapping when he’s excited

Researched all about regression when Emile mentioned some of the toys in his office was for clients who regressed.

Came back to Emile wanting to try Regression Therapy

Little age is 3-5

Has a realistic stuffed raven that is heavy

Collects blind bag toys, gets obsessed over with getting all them for his collection. Likes Tsum Tsums because they are small, can be stacked and there is a lot to collect. Prefers the Vinyl one over plush ones though

Squishies loves squishies but hates the feeling of slime

Showed a interest in meeting other regressors hoping he could make a friend that way

Emile had Logan meet Patton first. It surprisingly worked amazingly

Virgil Storm has Social Anxiety Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder

21 years old

Suffers bad panic attacks and bad thoughts

Very lonely guy who people call “emo” he’s not though. He just likes black clothes and black makeup and his bangs happen to cover his face

Struggles with sleeping and goes to the bathroom a lot

Very shaky cranky boy

Started going to therapy after he was caught self harming

Virgil in therapy ends up going on about how he wish he could go back to when he was a kid. Before life got stressful (sure he was always a nervous child, but being an adult is too hard)

That’s when Emile explained what Regression therapy was

Virgil thought it was weird and was afraid other people would think he was weird, but after talking to him and promising he didn’t have to worry Virgil gave it a try and loved it

Little age is 3

Has a million fidget toys, squishies, fidget spinners, and chew toys are some examples

Was given a black and purple cat that smells like lavender

Met Patton first and made his first real friend

Deceit Nathair suffers PTSD

20 years old

No one knows his real name, has had it legally changed to Deceit

Was forced into therapy after he had an “episode” at the mall

One of Emile’s hardest clients.

Refuses to talk about what happen. Already knows he has PTSD

Whatever it is, it has to do with his burns (turn into snake scale tattoos) and his missing eye (replaced with a yellow slit eye)

Has had a bad life, bad childhood, bad teenage years, and bad adult life

Always been the villain of other people’s stories

Was the son of a teenage single mother who blamed him for ruining her life

Never had a childhood very resentful of it

Thought Emile was crazy for suggesting Regression Therapy but agreed anyway.

Little age 2-4

Loves praise so much, cries happy tears.

Flinches at unsuspected touch

Bad eyesight

The most scared when Emile suggested group therapy with other regressors

Agreed because Emile encouraged him

Roman was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder

Started suffering effects at the age of 16, dropped out of school at the age of 17

Was kicked out of his home because he was “crazy” and “dangerous” to his younger siblings

Comes from a rich family, who wasn’t the best to him (he has scars)

Believes a woman has cursed him, goes on about the Dragon Witch and her crimes towards him.

Refuse to give last name

Struggles with caring for himself

Talks very weird

Believes in everything magical, fairies, dragons and so on

Struggles with sleeping which can make his symptoms wore

Very disorganized and compulsive

Keeps a journal with all his notes about magical creatures

Keeps a diary (different book from the journals) about his day.

Was placed in Emile’s care after he had gone to an elementary school with a toy sword demanding to see the princess.

It turned out that he had gotten very afraid that his sister was in danger and he needed to see her to make sure she was okay. Unknown to him, his family moved away to get away from him.

Didn’t know about regression. He ended up walking in on the group therapy session. And just joining in.

According to him they must have been dosed with Fairy Dust. Because Fairy dust can make you experience childhood again.

His main delusion is that magic is still in the world, it’s just people have lost the ability to see it, so they can’t see the creatures that live their life with humans in secret. The Dragon Witch had blessed him with the sight however, but it was also a curse, because people think he’s crazy.

Wants to join in on the fun, he loves fairy dust and being able to be a kid again, but this time not having to worry about being the perfect prince.

His little age is 2-3

Believes Deceit is the son of the dragon witch. And is extremely interested in him.

I hope you all enjoy! I worked very hard on this one

[mayjaymayjay]

Title: “You Will Never Be Loved”

Word Count: 6382

Summary: Roman is transgender. He found out later on in life after moving in with Damien (Deceit). After months of violent physical and emotional abuse, Damien is arrested for his crimes and Roman eventually moves on and becomes a strong independent young man. However, after a year has passed, Roman meets a very attractive professor and it throws a wrench into his world.

Pairings: Abusive Priceit/Decince, Later on Romantic Healthy Logince

Warnings: Physical and emotional abuse, implied sexual assault, implied self-harm/self-harm mention, gender dysphoria, self-deprecating thoughts, Deceit, transphobic language, female anatomy terms, cussing/swearing, lots of angst, surprise kissing, hugging, crying (I think that’s it, let me know if I need to add anything!)

“I’m sorry, you’re what?” Damien questioned darkly, causing slight hesitancy with the other person in the room. Rosalina had just walked into the room, after getting back from gender therapy. Damien was sitting on the couch in front of the television, but his focus was on his significant other, no longer the moving images on the screen.

“I’m… I’m transgender,” Rosalina said. “I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. Something I’ve thought I had for years. I was supposed to be a boy and plan to transition.”

Damien went silent for a moment until his cold loud laugh rung out the whole room. “You honestly think that’s gonna work out for you, Rose?”

“I-I’m sorry?” This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He thought that Damien would be understanding and kind. Damien said he loved him so much and they’ve been together for so long, why wouldn’t he at least listen?

“Rosalina, you’re a girl, get over it,” He reiterated, causing Rosalina’s skin to crawl. “You have a vagina, you have breasts, deal with it. Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t mean you have-”

“It’s not just that!” He snapped. “This thing cripples me and stops me from looking in a mirror, it stops me from enjoying sex, it makes me want to legitimately kill myself during that time of the month, and it made me hurt myself multiple times-”

“You hurt yourself, nothing caused it except you,” Damien stood up and towered above him. “The only thing that’s truly wrong with you is you’re delusional.”

“Fuck you-”

Damien slapped the other man’s face, causing him to fall to the hardwood floors. He crouched down and grabbed his face forcefully, making eye contact. Tears fell down Rosalina’s face. “I should just fuck you until you understand your place again.”

…

“Roman,” Virgil began as he continued driving down the street, quickly glancing over to the passenger side before setting his eyes back on the road. “I don’t mean to be nosy or anything, but you’ve been kinda… off lately.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, attempting to smile through his lie.

“For one, you are wearing long sleeves in the middle of June and you’re keeping your hair down despite the fact you would normally have it up or in a hat,” His eyebrows furrowed then relaxed. “I’m your best friend, Ro, if something is going on, you can tell me.”

“I don’t know, what to tell you,” the other man shrugged, causing himself to wince slightly at the sharp pain throughout his entire back.

The purple-haired man noticed this. He pulled over to the side of the road, turning his caution lights on. “Roman, I know this is a weird question but I just need to confirm something. Are you wearing a shirt under that sweater?”

“Yeah, a tank top,” he said hesitantly, worried about where this was heading. “Why do you ask?”

“Can you take off your sweater?”

Roman froze. He didn’t need this to happen. He didn’t need Virgil to worry more than he had to. He was fine. Sure, Damien hurt him a lot, but maybe he deserved it. Plus, he did it because he loved him and he would receive worse from someone else.

“I… I can’t… There’s nothing you need to confirm.” Well, that wasn’t convincing. Good job, Ro.

“Then you shouldn’t have a problem with wearing a short-sleeved shirt in front of me,” he faced his friend, concern burning in his eyes. “I just… I just need to know you’re okay, Ro. I know it’s really warm, so you can’t be comfortable.”

“I’m… I’m fine,” He leaned on the window.

“If nothing’s wrong then you can take your sweater off.”

Roman sat there for a moment before he quietly muttered a “fine” and took his sweater off, exposing all of his various scars, scratches, and bruises.

“Oh my god,” Virgil felt tears come to his eyes, but he blinked them away as he stared at his hands white-knuckled on the steering wheel. He took a deep breath. “Did Damien do this to you?”

He hesitated. “Please don’t hurt him.”

“I’m gonna kill him,” The other said through gritted teeth.

“You can’t!” The long-haired man cried.

“Then we’re going to the police then,” He declared, getting out his phone to the GPS app. “Have you showered within the last twenty-four hours?”

“No, but-”

“Then we’re going.” Virgil then put his phone down and drove back onto the road.

“Virge, that’s unnecessary!” Roman forced himself to chuckle a bit, trying to get rid of the tension. “I’m alive!”

“You’re not going to be if you let this continue,” he said firmly. “Why can’t you see that?”

“Because he loves me!”

“Roman, Patton and I love you and we don’t beat you. I get people to show love differently, but why would he intentionally harm you if he loved you?”

He thought about that for a moment. He thought about how Patton would hug him or give him kisses on the head to show his love. He thought about how Virgil would encourage him or comfort him to show affection. He then thought about how he would do things for everyone along with physical contact to express it. Damien didn’t do anything like that, he never did, except if he wanted something in return.

“I don’t know,” he muttered, staring at his twiddling thumbs.

…

“Members of the jury, have you reached a verdict?” The judge asked, her voice echoing throughout the silent room.

“Yes, your honor.” A young lady replied, her voice crisp and clear.

“What say you?”

The case had gone on for hours, it felt endless. From the time Roman broke down into tears at the stand with only his lawyer, Dr. Pecani, to comfort him, the time they showed multiple photos of Roman’s multiple injuries and x-rays for evidence, and the time they had Virgil and Patton testify as a witness to the abuse. Those were only a few of the occurrences in that courtroom could recall, besides all the threatening silent glares Damien gave him up to this moment. For a moment the world stopped, Roman forgot how to breathe. The whole courtroom seemed to the same, but for only a moment.

“On the charge of domestic violence, we find the defendant: guilty,” the young lady continued. “On the charge of rape, we find the defendant: guilty.”

For a second, Roman couldn’t see anything, everything felt and looked fuzzy. The voices that he could somewhat hear were muffled and quiet. It was like a grenade had shot off right by his ear, causing a painful ringing. Everything was in slow motion. He could feel someone gently grip his right shoulder, then a bit later his right as his blurry world spun and a blob sat in front of him.

“Roman,” he could hear a familiar voice call as the ringing slowly faded and his vision became clearer. “Roman, hey.” He could finally see and hear, it was Emile Picani. “Roman, we won!”

The man fully comprehended what happened and tears came flowing, but he didn’t feel them, he couldn’t feel himself crying anymore, just the stinging of his eyes. Wasn’t he supposed to feel happy or, at the very least, relief?

“We did?” He questioned, furrowing his eyebrows for a moment before relaxing them. “I don’t… I don’t feel like we did.”

He looked around the room, there weren’t many people there anymore. The only ones there was him, Picani, Virgil, and Patton.

“You’re in shock, but that’s okay,” He reassured. “Things are going to be alright.”

As soon as the lawyer said that, the phrase “Was it?” echoed throughout the young man’s mind. That’s when he finally felt everything, all the screaming he did through a hand muting him, all the bone breaking words thrown at him as fists, all the blood from half-healed self-inflicted wounds along his thighs and wrist felt reopened, and he could finally feel the relief and feel himself cry.

He fell into Picani’s chest, in shaking sobs. It was finally over. Damien was put away for a long time, albeit not all the time he deserved, but still away from Roman and his family. Virgil and Patton watched him crumble into the other man’s arms. They didn’t want to say anything or felt the need to, they knew he needed the crumble and they were prepared to help him put himself back together.

…

The car ride was silent, aside from the low-volume radio playing happy fast-paced music. Virgil sat in the driver seat while Roman sat in the passenger. Patton and Picani went to their homes after everything was done. They all insisted on going out to eat to celebrate winning the case, but Roman declared he was tired and would rather go back to his apartment.

“Hey, I really don’t want to leave you alone,” Virgil finally mention, ending the silence. “I’m not saying you’re in danger or anything, because obviously, you’re not anymore. But I just… I don’t know, I don’t want to leave you alone.”

Roman searched for his words and his best acting skills as he turned towards his friend and put on his best fake smile. “I’m okay, I just need to be alone to think over things, ya know?”

He glanced over and furrowed his eyebrows. “I guess.” He sat silently for a moment. “Just… Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“I will don’t worry!” The car ride went quiet again, up until Virgil was outside of Roman’s apartment. “Thanks for driving me around for the past few months, I really appreciate it.”

“No problem, man, I’d do anything for you,” Virgil said with a gentle smile.

Roman unbuckled his seatbelt, leaned over, and hugged him. “I love you so much, Virge.”

The other man slightly hesitated but hugged his best friend back. “I love you too, Ro.”

The hug lasted a full minute, which was different from what Virgil was used to, but he wasn’t going to complain. They both had a very rough couple of months, especially Roman. After the hug was over, Roman got out of the car, waved at Virgil one last time, and went inside his apartment, which still didn’t feel exclusively his. It never did.

As he walked into the living room, it still smelled like Damien. Some of the clothes on the floor were Damien’s, that couch still had an imprint where Damien would normally sit, the dishes in the sink were once eaten off by Damien, everything in that apartment reminded him of Damien. Roman’s mind was filled with awful memories of being thrown around, hit, and forced to do things he didn’t want to do. He couldn’t take this.

He stomped over to the dishes and threw them on the ground with a loud crash, he took all of Damien’s clothes in the fireplace and lit it, he then took the cushions on the couch and flipped them. Lastly, there was the bathroom, he tore off the bed sheets and put them next to the fireplace, they were next to go through the burning inferno. He already felt better, he would need new dishes and bedsheets, but he needed them gone.

As he watched the clothes slowly burn away, he saw a red liquid drop onto the floor in the corner of his eye. He glanced down at his hand and realized he had a deep cut, most likely from the plates he slammed on the ground.

“Well, shit,” he muttered before walking into the bathroom to get the first aid kit. He washed off the cut to the best of his ability, rinsed it with rubbing alcohol and wrapped it up in gauze. After he was done, he returned to the living room to continue watching the fire, sitting on the couch as he did so.

He took a deep breath and sighed. It was finally all over and he didn't have to worry about any of that bullshit anymore.

…

Life had got much better for everyone. Patton decided to move in with Virgil for his new elementary school teacher job and Virgil feels more content with someone living with him. Roman is going through hormone therapy and has been on testosterone for about a year. He also recently got a new job as a part of the tech team in a local theatre. He wanted to be an actor so bad, but he was too nervous to do it yet.

Today was a normal day, but this time was a bit different. He just came out of a Starbucks, pink drink in hand, on his way to work. This time, however, an attractive man with glasses and a blue polo shirt caught his eye.

He needed to talk to him. He couldn’t explain it, he saw attractive men all the time, but this one just had an aura about him. Roman took a deep breath and walked up to the man, who was patiently waiting for the streetlight to turn go from the orange hand to the white walking icon.

“Hey,” Roman greeted him with a slight stutter.

For a moment the other man was confused, but then greeted back with a cautious “Hello?”.

“Sorry, I know this is kind of weird for some random guy stopping you and talking to you,” The trans man scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “But you just seem… approachable? I don’t know, I just feel like I should talk to you.”

“Oh,” the mysterious stranger blurted, easing up a little bit. “I just thought you were some random salesman.”

Roman chuckled. “No, I just wanted to know your name.”

“My name is Logan,” he replied with a slight smile. Roman is very gay. “What is your name?”

“Uh, my name is Roman,” He tried to recover from his gayness, but failed. “Where are you headed if you don’t mind me asking?”

“No, it’s alright. I’m going to work actually. I’m a professor at a nearby college.”

“A man of smarts, eh? Pardon me or being so bold, but, not only is that very fitting, it is very attractive. What do you teach?”

For a moment, Logan looked a bit flustered but quickly recovered. “I teach astronomy.”

“That’s so cool! How long have you been teaching?”

“About three years so not that long, but I love astronomy and the students. I could never see myself doing anything else.”

“That’s beautiful,” Roman smiled gently.

“Thank you, where are you going?”

“About the same, actually. I work at the local theatre as part of the tech team.”

“I would have mistaken you for an actor,” the teacher raised his eyebrow.

“I would love to be one, but I just don’t think I’m quite ready for that. I don’t think I’m good enough, to be honest.”

This time he furrowed his eyebrows. “Why? You’re attractive, if your speaking voice is any testament to your singing voice, it must be nice, and you don’t seem to be the timid type seeing how you walked up to me without a problem.”

“Huh,” Roman was puzzled for a moment. “I never really thought about it that way, thank you.” He glanced at his watch. “Damn, I really need to go, but I want to see you again.”

“Do you have a pen and paper?”

“I have a pen, not any paper,” he glanced around for a solution, then saw Logan’s hand. “Can I use your hand?”

“I-I suppose?”

Roman gently grabbed his hand and wrote down his number. “Text me later, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan,” he smiled. How can a smile just make someone gayer? “It was a pleasure talking with you, Roman. I will talk to you soon.”

“Y-yeah! See ya later, Logan!” Then they parted ways.

That’s when Roman got out his phone and texted Virgil. “OH MY GOSH VIRGE I AM HELLA GAY AS SHIT”.

In a few seconds, Virgil texted back. “Roman, this isn’t new information. Why did you wake me up at seven in the morning to tell me something I already knew?”

“BECAUSE THERE WAS THIS GUY WHO WAS GOT AS FUCK AND I GAVE HIM MY NUMBER AND I AM CURRENTLY DYING”.

“Capslock, Ro. I need a cup of coffee first.”

After a few minutes, Roman was not only at the entrance of his work, but Virgil texted back. “Okay, continue.”

“I’m about to go to work, so I’ll have to tell you later, but I will say… Glasses, polo, tie, and jeans have never looked so attractive,” he about pocketed his phone, until he felt a vibration from it.

“You have a type, but okay.”

Roman wouldn’t be as annoyed as he was if it wasn’t true. He did find a man in a tie very attractive, especially if it was with a suit, but a polo would definitely do for now.

…

“So you are actually going to do this?” Logan asked, leaning back in his seat taking a sip of his coffee.

“Yeah, I mean,” Roman shrugged. “You’ve convinced me.”

“I believe you did that yourself, Roman. I may have encouraged you, but you ultimately made the decision yourself.”

The two were hanging out at a local coffee shop. They had been talking for a few months and if Roman didn’t think he had crush before, he definitely did now. Logan was passionate, handsome, and an incredible hard-worker. Too bad Logan was completely oblivious when it came to his flirting. Even so, he still didn’t know if the teacher was gay or not, which made everything even more frustrating.

“You can take a compliment you know,” he rolled his eyes. “I couldn’t have made a decision without you, Lo. It’s with your encouragement that I felt confident enough to agree to the audition in the first place.”

“Ah, so you agree it was just encouragement,” Logan said with a smirk.

Roman threw a balled up napkin at him, it hit his chest softly. “Shut up!”

He threw back his head in laughter.

In case it wasn’t blatantly obvious, Roman is very gay. His face began to turn red as he turned the other way. He took a deep breath and sighed, gaining back his composure. “So, if I get in, will you come to see me?”

Logan furrowed his eyebrows, then relaxed them. “Of course, Roman.”

He smiled softly to himself, looking down at his half-way empty cup of coffee. “I’m glad.”

For a moment, Roman could’ve sworn he saw his friend turn away.

He cleared his throat. “Anyway, you need to prepare for your audition.”

“I already have my monologue ready!”

“And your solo?”

“... Okay, maybe I’m a bit underprepared-”

“Roman,” the college professor pinched the bridge between his eyes. “You know what, we are going to my lecture hall, then you are going to find a song and practice it.”

“I don’t wanna go to school!” He whined jokingly.

“No, we’re going,” Logan grabbed the other man’s hand gently and went on their way.

Shit.

When they got there, Logan shut the door behind them, booted up his computer, and opened up YouTube. Roman leaned on his desk, waiting for further instruction.

“Okay, what song are you thinking of singing?” He looked over his computer.

“I don’t know, I haven’t sung except with Virgil in the car,” he answered honestly.

“Why is that? I thought you loved singing.”

“I do, it’s just…” Voice dysphoria. “I’m unconfident in my voice.”

“Well, with a good song, hopefully, we can boost that confidence.” Logan thought for a moment, then typed in a song. “Do you know of the musical: Dear Evan Hansen?”

“I LOVE that musical,” Roman replied with loud enthusiasm.

“Let’s try the beginning of ‘You Will Be Found’.”

It went well, way more than Roman thought it would. His voice had gotten deeper. Logan was thoroughly impressed as well. However, he had a better idea that seemed to fit Roman a bit better.

“That was beautiful, Roman,” the teacher complimented.

“Are you just saying that?” the wannabe actor asked under his breath.

“No,” he replied sternly. “I was going to say that I think there’s another song that I think would fit your personality better.” As he typed, he continued talking. “It is rather risky, but I think if done in the right way, it’s possible.”

“What’s the song?”

“Defying Gravity.”

Roman’s eyes widened. “No, no way!”

“Worst-case scenario it’s not in your range and we choose another song.” He clicked “play”. “You know the words to the solo version correct?”

“Yes, of course, but-”

“Then you got this. Breathe, Roman.”

He did just that. The key was different than what he was used to, but it fit better after he got used to. He could hit the notes and he didn’t sound like a girl. He sounded like a man. The power of testosterone and hormone therapy in general.

The last note was a bit rough as his thoughts got the best of him. He tried to get back on track but only made it worse. Good job, Roman.

“That was outstanding actually,” Logan stated. “That last note, however.”

“I over-thought it.”

“That’s a first.”

“Hey!”

The college professor laughed at himself and his friend’s reaction. “Anyway, I think that’s a winner, oddly enough.”

“Really?” Roman raised an eyebrow.

“Indeed,” He nodded and shut off his computer. He walked over to the other man. “If you work at it and not overthink it, you will succeed.”

“Thank you, Logan.” Roman hugged him. “You have no idea what this means to me. You’re an amazing friend.”

At first, Logan was hesitant, but then softly hugged him back. “No problem, Roman.” It was oddly comforting, he hasn’t hugged anyone in a very long time.

After a few moments, they broke the hug, that’s when something strange occurred. They shared eye contact, which wasn’t strange in of itself, but the feeling that happened between both of them was strange. Roman’s heart began to race, along with the thoughts in his head. They were all screaming one thing: “KISS HIM YOU FOOL!” The second they all shut off, it happened. Roman kissed Logan.

As soon as it started, however, it ended. It was light, but let off enough electricity to set off the “OH SHIT” alarm in Ro’s head. He needed to leave. He needed to leave right now.

“I gotta go,” Roman dashed out of the room.

“Roman, wait-!”

The door slam shut. Logan leaned back on his desk as if it were the only thing supporting him. He gently touched his lips, still in shock as to what happened. He stayed for a while, contemplating many things at once. What the hell are these emotions?

…

It had been several months since that incident. Roman had gotten a role in the musical, more specifically, a secondary role. The musical was Be More Chill and he was playing Michael. They almost gave him the lead role, however, they decided that he should get a lesser role due to lack of experience. Which he was okay with, in fact, he was very much excited and more than prepared for opening night, nervous, but still excited. He had already bought tickets for Virgil and Patton for the front row.

The only thing he was worried about was, of course, “Michael in the Bathroom”. His voice had gotten slightly deeper since his audition -which he nailed- and sometimes his voice wanted to crack in times it really shouldn’t have. It frustrated him, to say the least, but he believed in him just as much as some did several months ago: Logan.

He hadn’t thought of Logan for a few months, forcing himself to focus on his work. The second he would think of him, that’s when he would falter. He couldn’t let that happen. He would shove those thoughts deeply until the show was over. That’s all that he needed.

That’s when the stage lights showed on him. “Michael!” The actor for Jeremy exclaimed.

He continued his groove and song. This was him now, he wasn’t Roman then. He was Michael. That was the whole point of him being there: To act. He’d be damned if he wasn’t going to do just that.

It all flew by and it was finally near the end of act two. It was time for his comeback, for Michael’s comeback.

“Get out of my way, loser,” the other actor growled, causing Michael to all but crawl into his shoes.

He ran inside the bathroom and slammed the door behind himself. Covering his mouth, to shield his agape mouth.

A knock and a shout. “Hey! Some people have to use the bathroom!”

“I’m on my period!” He replied.

“Take your time, sweetheart.” They went away.

The music started. It was his time, finally. He continued to stare at the floor for the first part of the verse, then paced around as he continued. After a verse and a half of that, he sat on the tub, this is the first time he fully noticed the crowd. That was his downfall.

He saw his friends: Virgil and Patton. Next to them, however, was the person he forced himself to suppress in the back of his mind: Logan.

No, not now. He couldn’t, he wasn’t ready. They made eye contact. Fuck it, use this as fuel. That’s what a good actor would. He was a tad bit late, albeit, but he saved it.

“But then I look in the mirror, and the present is clearer,” He took a short breath. “And there’s no denying, I’m just-!”

He was crying. That’s it, not only did he hit the note, he finally cried on cue. He finished the song, then exiting offstage, his eyes flooding with real tears. He couldn’t tell if this was Roman or Michael anymore. Whoever it was, he needed to collect himself before Michael appears on stage again.

…

The rest of the show went extremely well. The whole cast earned a standing ovation and Roman earned a few loud cheers, not just from the people in the front row either. He earned it and he knew he did, the whole cast did. All the hard work was all worth it for this moment.

After the crowd cleared off and the stage was clear, Roman walked out of the back doors, just to be tackled in a hug by Patton, luckily he caught himself.

“I’m so proud of you!” He cried, tears prevalent in his voice. “The show was amazing and you were just- augh- you were just flawless as always, Roman!”

“Thanks, Patt,” He smiled gently as he hugged his friend back. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

When Patton finally let him go, Virgil came up to hug him.

“Are we gonna do the straight guy hug or an actual hug?” Virgil asked, a smirk on his face.

“I prefer an actual hug, but whatever you prefer, Dark and Dreary,” the actor pulled his best friend into a hug. “Thank you for encouraging me and giving me reality checks, Virge.”

“That was all you, buddy,” He hugged him tightly. “I’m so proud of you, you did amazing.”

Ro smiled as they let go. That was until he noticed someone out of the corner of his eye. All of the emotion he had earlier came back, but not with sadness, with rage.

He saw Logan again. This time, Logan looked guilty. He had something to say, but he wasn’t going to say it quite yet.

“Excuse me for a moment,” He said walking away from the pair.

They watched him, Patton stopping Virgil from going after him. “Let him sort this out, Virgil.” The purple-haired man nodded.

Roman stood face-to-face to Logan. He breathed in deeply then let out a sigh. He knew what he wanted to say.

“I know what I did was sudden. I know I was dumb,” The actor let his emotion take over fully. “But why the hell do you think it’s okay to just suddenly walk into my life again?! You think you can just come back and act like nothing happened?! That you didn’t ignore my texts?! That you neglected to call me back for months?! You think it’s okay to come to my show, opening night, and sit in the fucking first row?! Do you understand how that makes me feel?! Do you want to hurt me?! Do you want to see me in pain, is that it?!”

“Roman,” Logan called.

“What do you want from me?! Do you want to make me cry again?!”

“Roman, please-”

“What is it, Logan? For once in your life, explain to me your fucking feelings?!”

The professor gently pulled the other man into an embrace. “Please, Roman.”

“Just,” he tugged on the back of Logan’s shirt as his tears fell. “Why did you leave me, Lo?”

For a moment, Roman could’ve sworn that he heard him sniffle. He couldn’t think about it or he would cry much harder.

“I’m sorry,” he began. “I didn’t understand how I felt. I couldn’t figure out my words for once. I didn’t want to hurt you, I never did. I just…” He sighed. “I wanted to say I had romantic feelings for you, but I didn’t know how.”

“You just did.” The performer pulled away, a slight smirk on his face, then it faltered again. “However, if you ever pull some shit like that again, I will sick Virgil on you.”

Logan looked over Roman’s shoulder, noticing a rather intimidating man with purple hair, giving him a violent glare. A shiver went down his vine, causing Roman to chuckle. He did not look like the type of person to go toe-to-toe with.

“However,” He started again, earning back Logan’s attention. “I want me to promise me something.”

“Anything,” the man with glasses replied.

“Be honest with your feelings,” he said sternly.

“I-” he interrupted himself with a sigh- “Emotions are not my strong suit. I will try, however. I will do my best for you. I would do anything for you.”

“I… Logan, you don’t have to say all of that.”

“I mean it.” He kissed Roman gently on the head. “I don’t want to hurt you like this ever again. It physically hurt me to watch you cry onstage and cry now. I don’t want to cause that, that’s never my intention. I care about you so much and-”

“Logan,” Roman placed his hand gently on the other man’s lips. “Please, breathe.”

And he did just that. “I care about you, more than you’ll ever know. That’s being honest.”

“Logan,” he grabbed his hands, intertwining their fingers. “May I kiss you, I’m not going to surprise you like last time.”

The intelligent man smiled. “You may.”

That was the start of a beautiful new relationship and they were finally ready to pursue it.

…

It had been almost a year since that night and everything was going great. Logan and Roman have been dating since then and they couldn’t be happier. There was only one thing that caused Roman some discomfort when he thought about it: Logan still didn’t know that Roman was transgender. It just never gave up in conversation and there didn’t seem to be a good time to talk about it. That was about to change.

It was Roman’s day off and he was relaxing in the living room, watching Mulan for the umpteenth time. It was rather hot, so he decided that he didn’t a shirt, just his binder. He was by himself after all and his dysphoria was manageable that day.

His phone buzzed from across the room, but he didn’t hear it. It was a text from his boyfriend.

“Salutations my prince, I believe I left one of my ties over at your apartment. I know this is very last minute, and I apologize for that, but I am about five minutes away, so I hope it is alright that I will be dropping by. I hope to see you soon, Logan.”

In exactly five minutes after that text, Mulan ended, causing Roman to get up from his seat and check his phone. That’s when he saw the text, panic immediately set in.

“Shit,” he said with a gasp.

He couldn’t think logically. His house was an utter mess from his Disney movie marathon and not to mention he was shirtless at the moment. It was fine though, he still had time to find a shirt at least, right? That’s when he heard keys rattling on the other side of the front door. He forgot he gave Logan a key.

His mind went a million thoughts per second but the main thing screaming was “shirt”. He didn’t have a shirt close enough by unless he somehow could run to-

“Oh,” Logan blurted, as they locked eyes.

“I-” Roman tried to speak, but a certain voice in his head stopped him. “I can explain.”

“What? You’re embarrassed he found out who you truly are? Pathetic,” the voice spat. It was a voice he thought he forgot about, but it was back again. “Now he’s never going to love you. You will never, ever be loved, Roman.”

Logan’s figure was replaced with someone else’s. Someone who he hadn’t seen in almost two years. It caused him to step back in fear.

“Please don’t hurt me,” he whimpered.

Behind the monster’s voice was a garbled muted one, but he couldn’t quite hear it over the harshness of the monster’s. “I won’t waste my time on a pathetic piece of shit like you. You’re a waste of flesh and blood.”

Tears came streaming down the young actor’s face. “No, I’m n-not.” He tripped and fell down onto his rear end. The figure loomed over him as the garbled speech behind it continued. “Please, leave me alone. You’re scaring me.”

“You see, Rosalina, that’s not possible, I’m always here,” he growled, leaning down and grabbing his shoulders.

Roman shut his eyes tears.

“Roman!” the muffled voice finally became clear.

He opened his eyes to see his boyfriend. Originally, he would’ve been a source of comfort, but now he was someone he feared. “I’m sorry” is all Ro could mumble over and over.

“Roman, please,” Logan gently pulled his boyfriend into a hug. “It’s okay, please don’t be sorry. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re fine.”

“Please don’t hate me now,” he sobbed into his shoulder.

“I could never hate you,” he reassured as he kissed the crying man’s forehead. “I love you so much. I don’t care if you’re transgender or not, I still love you. I always will, that’s a promise.”

This only caused Roman to hold on to him tightly as if Logan could disappear at any second. “I love you too.”

Logan pulled away slightly, making eye contact. “However, you need to be honest with me. I said I would be honest about myself, I want you to do the same, please.”

The other looked away for a moment, then proceeded to look into his lover’s eyes. “Okay, but it’s a very long story.”

…

“You found out you were transgender two years ago?” Logan asked, processing all the information that was given to him.

“Yes.”

“And your ex-partner forbid you from continuing your transition by causing you emotional and physical harm?”

“... Yes.”

“How did Virgil not kill him?”

“He almost did, but I stopped him by pressing charges against Damien,” Roman looked towards his boyfriend on the opposite side of the couch. He looked as if he was deep in thought.

“Is this bastard behind bars?” He said through gritted teeth as he balled his hands into a fist.

“Fortunately, yes,” The actor said with a forced smile. “Emile Picani was my lawyer, he’s one of the best people I know. I’m still thankful to this day for helping me.”

“Roman, you didn’t deserve what he did to you,” He turned to his love, a mixture of sadness, anger, and concern in his eyes. “You can’t help how you are and if he hated you for it, that was his problem, it shouldn’t have been your’s.”

“I know that now,” Roman moved closer to him as he placed a gentle hand to his shoulder. “That thing that happened a few minutes ago was something that came from trauma, not you. It’s an everyday battle.”

“You should not have to fight that battle alone,” his face was turned away and there was a slight tremble in his voice. “I should have been more reassuring.”

“Logan, look at me.”

He hesitated, then came face to face with his boyfriend. Logan was crying.

“Oh, Logan,” he said with a sigh as he hugged him. “Please don’t blame yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t stop the things that are wrong with me. What happened a few minutes ago wasn’t your fault. I’m getting help.”

“I don’t want you to be in pain,” he replied through his soft sobs.

“I’m the happiest I’ve been in years, Lo,” Roman reassured. “You’re with me, Virgil and Patton are happy, my acting career is taking off, Damien is gone, I’m getting the help I need, and my family back at home is fully supportive of everything I do. I’m not in pain, there are just things that need to be fixed before I’m fully healed.”

Logan held his boyfriend tightly. “I’m not going to leave your side, then.”

He smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, my prince.”