#pia writes ?!

[doeeyeseddie]

this life that we make

Eddie stares at his bottle of beer and grits his teeth. He has to go, he knows it’s the right thing. He’s going to go. Why does he want Buck to ask him to stay so badly? “You should probably try to sleep early tonight,” Buck suggests, the first words he’s said in at least half an hour. “Make sure you’re ready for the drive tomorrow.” Eddie sets down his beer, watches the condensation dripping down the sides for a moment, and tries to hold back the words burning in the back of his throat. He fails. “Why did you never ask me to stay?” Buck makes a sound, a mix of a hiss and a hiccup, and when Eddie turns to look at him, he suddenly looks as if he’s in pain. “Eddie, I–,” Buck rubs his hands on his thighs. “Did you want me to?” “I want you to be honest with me,” Eddie says. “And I guess I hope you’re not actually this…unbothered by my leaving.” ~ Eddie moves to Texas. It brings to light a lot of feelings.

5.7k, rated t

[read on ao3]

[fierytrash]

[not-poignant]

Tbh AO3's actions lately feel so much like the beginning of Livejournal's downfall pre-Strikethrough, where there were just increasing signs that they did not care about their userbase as much. (I was there for that, so before people jump in to be like 'you don't know!' I do, actually, know. I remember having to comment in other news posts because they didn't allow them in their controversial posts.)

From not allowing comments on controversial posts / decisions they were making, silencing their users, to communicating less, and communicating less transparently when they do communicate, leaving us in the dark all too often, it just reads straight from the 'Livejournal is about to collapse and no one knows it yet' playbook. I think AO3 gets more leeway from the userbase when this happens because they're not a commercial entity, so there's this vague sense of 'we all must be nice to everyone at AO3 always and not ever hold them accountable for anything because they're doing this out of the goodness of their hearts.'

But...people are only human, and sometimes the humans in power are not actually doing something in a site's best interests, or in the userbase's best interest. It is both normal and healthy to critique that, even if nothing changes. And it is normal and healthy for an organisation to accept and respond to that critique with compassion, even if nothing changes.

And we're not seeing that at all.

I don't like that I've had this feeling before. Especially because I know a lot of volunteers within the AO3 system also don't want this to be the feeling / vibe, and don't necessarily know what to do about the problems they're facing either. And, this was also true for the volunteers who worked at Livejournal, many who actually streamed on over to Dreamwidth and AO3 because of increasing issues within Livejournal's mixed system and the increasing dissatisfaction they felt with the problems that started from the top down.

It's not like it's everyone's fault there, but there are certainly fandom-harmful decisions being made, from malicious tag wrangling to make life harder for people searching specific kinks, to racism not being adequately addressed, to taking shots at the most active writers on AO3 like they don't even want us there anymore by making us wait 5-15 minutes between replying to our readers and keeping engagement and conversation and the love of the thing alive.

It's not the AO3 I remember from the first 9~ years of being there, that's for sure. And I feel like the more casual readers are just never going to notice, which is good really, but...

Did I start thinking about alternatives for if/when AO3 stops being viable for anything other than a clinically empty repository of fanfiction where fandom communication is actively discouraged and penalised as badly as if you were a scammer?

Yes. Yes I did. And I've never had to do that before.

AO3, you keep asking us to retry later.

Maybe you should also be retrying later, but with something different and more compassionate this time, that doesn't intentionally treat the most prolific / active authors, fanartists, commenters, and communicators, like literal scammers.

[onaperduamedee]

Hi ! I know we never talked, and I don't want to hurt you even more by making you think about this more than necessary, so feel free to ignore me

I just read the addition you made to your post about WOT, and why it's so difficult for you to deal with the fandom and the whole situation rn, and I wanted to say thank you. You put into words what I feel, too, and it almost made me cry. The whole part about not letting it contaminate all the joy that came before and not destroy your creativity is exactly what I'm struggling with since Thursday, too, so thank you for saying it, I guess? I don't really have a point other than that, so yeah, just thank you, and I guess good luck for dealing with this whole mess ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Thank you very much for your message and for understanding. I'm so sorry you are in the same place because it is the most harrowing feeling in the world. It's such an incredibly lonely and useless sensation. It is one thing to be shocked by a show's decision, it's another to have that decision change the way you see the story and the fandom so profoundly that it rewrites your own history with said story. I have several WIPs I don't know what to do with because I was waiting for the finale to provide certain scenes for gifsets or drawings. 

It's like opening the fridge to make a dish you had bought all the ingredients for and discovering they are rotten. Did I use the crème fraîche yesterday? Were people sick? Now do I cook something else or try to run to the store although it's probably too late? 

I have so much stuff that I want to create still! Gifsets and doodles and metas! But who am I going to share that with? With fans who have always treated the queer characters like they were on borrowed times? Who have tolerated the presence of gay fans and now that those fans are upset they are to be reasoned with like children? Who wholeheartedly agree with the showrunner that there was never anything more to Siuan's story than this, Moiraine's tragic girlfriend? I would feel silly to share my art with that knowledge. 

Ultimately what I mourn most profoundly is the loss of the community. I always knew some fractures were deep; they are inherent to fandoms and can never be mended. But for a moment, while the show had two lesbians as part of the main romances, it seemed like the corner in which gay fans are generally confined was not a corner but the whole playground. It felt miraculous to know that Moiraine would have a powerful arc as Rand's mentor and Siuan, in a smaller capacity, would go on to weave a brilliant tale about resilence with Egwene. But it was never part of the deal.

The deal was that the apotheosis of Siuan's story would be death, and their happy ending will likely happen in death. And most of the fandom is fine with that, while I cannot find it in me to be.

I don't really have an answer against that rotting feeling and the way it is making me question my enjoyment of past interactions. I guess I will retreat to more private spaces for sharing my art and thoughts because I cannot stop creating and talking about this universe that means still so much to me. But as I said, the show and its fandom have been tainted and perhaps it will clear out with time.

For now, there's just a lot of love I don't know what to do with. 

So I'm really glad you reached out because it does make me feel less alone to find other creators stuck in this in-between, shallow quicksand that refuses to let go or swallow the light entirely. I hope you find something a way out of it as well. Thank you ❤️

[luthielion]

As I'm currently still on the train from the Netherlands and bored out of my mind, time to post my take-aways and opinions on the dutch production of Elisabeth for everyone who would like to read it.

Under the "see more" thingy I'll post my pros and cons and my interpretations and personal opinions on the interpretations of the characters so everyone who wants to go in unbiased can do that.

pros:

obviously Pia as Elisabeth was absolutely phenomenal, Pia Douwes the woman you are

Danique Dusèe as the young Elisabeth really blew me away, the way her Elisabeth was both so young, playful and naive but at the same time had very soon a certain melancholy about her and you could really see the effect all of her interactions with Tod but also the effects the way of life at court had on her

Generally the way they handled Elisabeth as a character was one of the things that impressed me most about this production. I don't know if any other production has done it that way but the way they portrayed especially the manifestation of her mental illness through substance abuse which, while I don't think that this is actually historically accurate, correct me if I'm wrong, just emphasises this aspect even more than I feel like most productions do.

In the light of the topic of substance abuse I especially liked that during 'Mama Wo Bist Du' we actually have Elisabeth almost watching it, in the sense that it is an opiod induced hallucination of her son calling out for her and Tod intervening which also gives us and her this terrible sense of foreboding when Tod and Rudolf exit the stage together

Then obviously as a very important moment in terms of Elisabeths mental illness you have 'Irrenhaus' which in this production is for the most part set on a mix of fence and prison bars and by on I mean both the woman believing she is Eliabeth and Elisabeth herself climb this fence and the entire rest of the scene takes place there. What struck me about it was this very real cage-like feeling while Elisabeth is singing about freedom and feeling imprisoned which is only amplified by her actually sticking her head through the bars while climbing (it also looked scary cause you could see it kind of swing a bit back and force but that is not important right now)

during the duet between Elisabeth and Franz Josef Lucheni slowdances in the background, together with a lifesize bodypillow

the costumes were amazing, from Ensemble to Elisabeth

the narrator in the beginning is not as usual a voice with no person attached to it, but rather the whole Ensemble dressed in what later turns out to be painters clothes

The Ensemble is mostly wearing the same costume for most of the musical which paints them as kind of outside the story, almost a reflection of the audience themselves and acting out the story Lucheni is telling from a rather contempory lense. 'Schönheitspflege' for example is more angry rather than the usual obedient servant. They are also painting a lot of the time and their painting are revealed to be only black while Elisabeth dies which is something I still haven't figured out exactly.

'Milch' also ends in a sort of riot in which the paintings of Elisabeth all around the walls are splattered with deep red paint which makes it look like they are smeared with blood, both a statement about the contents of the scene and also a sort of dark foreshadowing of thing to come.

speaking of riots, they also made rudolf not just a spectator of 'Hass' but rather actively the main victim and the speaking character, a choice that on one hand perfectly compliments the staging the next scene and adds to the actual portrayal of Rudolfs reasons to commiting suicide on the other hand, making him an actual victim feels sort of wrong because it never really was the rich and influential non-jewish people who were the first victims of the Nazis/ hypernationalistic people.

con:

one of the main issues I have is the decision to rapidly reduce the homoeritic tension between Rudolf and Tod. For me the dynamic just fell very flat, especially due to the very very limited physical contact between them, no mayerling kiss or attempts at them anywhere, and the fact that they're never really alone. And while it is a very interesting concept to also depict Elisabeth and Lucheni having a breakdown in the background of Schatten it just detracts from the effect the scene is in my opinion supposed to have, the portrayal of the isolation of Rudolf and how Tod and thus death seem like the only way out for him.

In general Rudolf is the one I have the most issues with, as his entire arc just really falls short in favour of his mother. While I do think that 'Mama Wo Bist Du' was actually good like this, Tods almost sole focus on Elisabeth, going so far as to walk over to her during Schatten just made his despair and suicidality feel like it didn't matter to the show which it very much does. It felt more like Tod was orchestrating all of it to spite and hurt Elisabeth and not as an effect of Rudolfs struggles, thus making him a pawn in Tod and Elisabeths relationship rather than a person in his own right.

The last is the very static choreography, there just was not enough movement in my opinion.

Tod-Elisabeth Dynamic:

It seems to be intended as a very abusive relationship and it truly excels at it through a lot of different things and aspects. Firstly the substance abuse, which is very much through the influence of Tod, as he is the one who first forces her to smoke. Later she smokes more or less of her own volition but still only in scenes which feature Tod. The opium which leads to the hallucination is also offered by death. One of the many cases of abusive ralationships is the abusive partner getting the other hooked on substances and while only the smoking is explicitly shown, the opium is heavily implied. And while in all productions I've seen, Tod, after being rejected, only turns up again when he sees the golden opportunity in FJ cheating, in this production he keeps turning up and Elisabeth keeps accepting it and doesn’t really reject him, on the contrary, they even get incredibly close.Tod is especially in the beginning very controlling, literally as he manipulates Elisabeth like a string puppet without even touching her. All of it is incredibly possessive and he really seems to enjoy being so in control of her, going so far as to making her sink to the ground, seemingly dead.

To recap, an incredible production with fascinating choices having been made, but not without flaws.

[blooberry-bagel]

slytherin gang @ mcdonald's

modern au! crack! headcanon for @blondwhxrewrites

includes: mattheo, pansy, theo, enzo, blaise, tom, draco

mattheo: cashier 1

- one of the hottest cashiers u will ever have n regret not asking for his number once u leave

- it's not like he'd give it to u tho...

- he'd definitely flirt w you for fun

- throw a lil smirk in there

- would not give or take any fucks

- oh you're being mean to him? he'd talk right back at you...

- v reciprocal conversationalist (minus small talk)

- he's here to work not socialise

- but the smaller things, yk???

- flirt w him, he flirts back; ur being mean to him? he comes back meaner

- WILL escalate the situation

- spit is flying everywhere, it's an animated argument

- only when it gets really fucking real, then he'd pull out the last resort: manager pansy

pansy: your stereotypical 20yo manager

- also will not give or take any fucks, but on a higher level above mattheo

- 5'2" w attitude

- blue hair + pronouns but it's jet black bob haircut + piercings

- she WILL stick up for her employees bc nobody gets paid enough to work at mcdonalds + face the verbal abuse of customers

- it's a good day when pansy is on shift

- has got your back as long as ur doing your job

theo: noob level for 6mo

- usually it takes 2–3mo for someone to fully learn and grasp everything it takes to run a new job

- not theo

- i can just imagine him being too hot n rich to give a damn about working in a mcdonalds

- but it was forced upon him for the "character development"

- whatever that means when ur as rich as theo

- he'd probably be assembling burgers but getting shit wrong bc he simply does not care

- the riddles on cash will talk back at the customers anyway, it's not theo's problem after the order is completed...

- insert random italian while he works

- maybe some italian curses

- would def flirt w female coworkers and look forward to shifts bc of that (promptly gets a talking to from pansy for slacking off)

lorenzo: constantly being moved around in assembly

- let's be real, he'll probably burn himself at the fryer multiple times before realising the ice cream machine is more his speed

- he'd be all "yay" when finding out he's on ice cream duty, before realising the skill required to get that perfect swirl

- but swirl, he will

- and he'd be unbelievably good at it in the end

- ice cream and sweet treats for enzo

- wont need someone regularly cleaning bc enzo will be cleaning every time he drops something

blaise: burgers + assembly

- burger blaise™ bc i imagine him to be the most efficient worker

- altho he's rich like theo, he actually gets shit done

- not here to fuck around

- finds a sort of peace in the orderly process of assembling burgers

- blaise is an octopus w how fast he can be

- makes up for enzo's scatteredness

tom: cashier 2

- deadly duo w his brother, mattheo, on the other cash register

- also a hot cashier who would not give any fucks

- if shit gets serious, ull probably be better off never returning bc u wont survive tom

- bc tom will be the most silent but deadly person

- spewing absolute insults at u while holding the most stoic face

- the type to look u dead in the eyes for literally anything + make u piss your pants

- taking your order? eye contact

- annoyed at you? eye contact

- thinks ur cute? eye contact

- the eye contact is crazy w this one

- don't try him, bitch

draco: fryer freak

- bc enzo got moved off of fryer, draco has to fill in

- but he's not any better

- another rich kid who does not want to be here

- he'd burn himself and whine to pansy (she doesn't give a shit bc somebody has to work fryer)

- cranky little baby boy who eventually gives in (after being reprimanded and sassed by manager pansy)

- bare minimum worker in the end

a/n: ive never worked at mcdo so idk if the vibes will be remotely accurate 😭 but i hope u enjoyed anyway🤍

[controlledhues]

he do be smelling like wet dog rn

[pia-writes-things]

I finally finished my first draft of the project I started during nanowrimo!!

[complementaryhalves]

and the stars, they all aligned

11k | lando/max, lando/oscar, lando & max & oscar

informal post-zandvoort winner's room or, hot sex between friends, uncertain cuckolding and ridiculous safe words

[anukkuna]

Day 15: Morally dubious police work

Sorry, I'm one day late, but here it is!

Spatort content first, some more serious real life stuff later under the cut.

#Homeoffice

Let's be honest, Tatort cops are - most of the time - not an accurate representation of real police work (but that wouldn't make for entertaining TV so... yeah. It's true for almost any crime series, I guess). It's fiction, after all, so it doesn't have to be 100% accurate, as long as it tells an interesting and engaging story (and the inaccuracies don’t pull you out of it too much. That’s probably why an acquaintance of mine, who works as a police officer, once said they can’t watch Tatort. The depiction of police work is often so far off that it throws them off too much).

Personally, I often find myself enjoying morally dubious characters or storylines that I’d find far more troubling in real life.

In real life, I wish Adam hadn’t let Moritz Leimer go. Sure, Moritz might not come after Adam again - maybe he ‘learned his lesson’ when it comes to the King’s son. But he’ll most likely remain a criminal and end up breaking into someone else’s home, hurting or traumatizing another victim. In Spatort, however, I don’t feel as strongly about this.

Adam's decision is morally dubious. In a way, the morally right thing to do would have been to press criminal charges against Moritz. He didn’t just break in - he had a gun, for fuck's sake. This isn't a minor offense, where it would be completely up to the victim whether they press charges or not.

"Das sind mindestens zwei Straftaten, die da gerade davon laufen!"

- Leo, Die Kälte der Erde

On the other hand, Adam can't do that for personal reasons. His reputation at the station is already damaged and he has no idea what Moritz knows or how an investigation might play out. Did Uncle Boris figure out where the money was hidden? Did he tell someone to check under that tree? Has anyone noticed the freshly dug-up earth - or even followed Adam? In the end, would it be more than just the current hearsay... would there be evidence that Adam has the money?

That could mean some serious trouble for him, risking both his job as well as his already strained relationship with Leo.

Plus, Adam was the victim in this specific case - so it could be argued that it’s his right to decide not to file a complaint. And maybe Moritz isn’t as dangerous as he seemed at first? After all, Adam was right: he didn’t shoot him.

"Herrgott, haben se nicht jemanden schicken können, der halbwegs gefährlich wirkt?"

- Adam, Die Kälte der Erde

Moreover, Adam needs to be able to continue investigating - and we wouldn't want him losing his job, would we?

There’s a sense in which Adam’s decision seems both right and wrong at the same time - that’s what makes it morally dubious. It’s the kind of situation where you think: yeah, they shouldn’t have done this, but then again… maybe they should have. Maybe it was justified.

The same goes for Leo’s suggestion to threaten Betty Henschel to force a confession. For a lead police investigator, even considering such a tactic should probably be viewed as a serious moral failing.

Then - once again - as viewers, we know from the start of the film that the four are indeed responsible for Roswitha “Kiwi” Jäger’s death, and we might feel that threatening one of them into a confession is necessary—and therefore justified—to ensure they’re sentenced for it.

(Credits to @snowfox-98 for this collage!)

Yet, not all instances I considered as morally dubious at first, remained so on the final evaluation.

After considering it for a while, I'd say: Leo meeting Adam at the lake and using the evidence he was handed there... or Esther and Leo striking a deal with the criminal to arrest Jens Modall (the evil lawyer)... I don't find these morally dubious.

These were, quite literally, the only options they had to save Adam’s life (to prevent him from being wrongfully convicted of murdering his father). Sure, their actions weren’t in line with the law, so what they did was legally dubious. But the law doesn’t always align with morality, and vice versa. (For instance, in a country where homosexuality is criminalized, we wouldn’t view being homosexual as morally dubious). The same logic applies to cases of civil disobedience.

There are plenty of other decisions from Spatort that could be analyzed and debated over whether they’re morally dubious (and I absolutely love the posts I’ve seen on this so far!).

There’s one teeny-tiny sentence I’d like to highlight as particularly morally problematic:

P: "Der muss es sein. Wir haben sonst keinen."

L: "Das passt nicht zu dem."

P: "Komm, lass mich mal weitermachen. Wir knacken den schon."

- Pia und Leo, Das fleißige Lieschen

Pursuing an investigation when you don’t have any conclusive evidence that your suspect is guilty - and pushing it anyway just because you want a conviction - is wrong. It’s a slippery slope where you start caring less and less about whether the suspect is actually guilty. (Even if that’s not your intention, you just keep pushing and pushing... Just ask Isabelle Grandjean from Tatort Zürich - that did NOT turn out well.) That seems both legally and morally wrong.

Reflecting on this while writing this post, my thoughts kept circling back to real-life cases - not just of morally dubious, but outright morally reprehensible police work that continues to this day (not just in the U.S., but also in Germany).

If you’re interested in three (rather recent) examples that remain significant in Germany today, I’d like to invite you to read about them below.

Oury Jalloh

The first case marks a grim 20-year anniversary from just a few days ago (Jan. 7th): the case of Oury Jalloh, a citizen from Guinea who lived in Germany and died while in police custody cell. He was arrested after street cleaners claimed he had been drunkenly harassing people following a night of clubbing (allegations that were later denied by the supposed victims).

Police brought him to a cell at Dessau police station, where he was searched for dangerous objects. Then he was restrained, tied down on hands and feet to a bed, due to his intoxicated state, but also because he was very angry about being arrested. I'll let Wikipedia take it from here:

"Policewoman Beate H. was working in the second floor control room, together with Andreas S., her superior. On the intercom she heard Jalloh rattling his chains and swearing, so she attempted to calm him and she reports later she heard other officers in the cell. She went to check on him herself at about 11:30 am, without noting anything unusual. She returned to the control room, where Andreas S. turned down the intercom volume and she told him to turn it back up. At around noon she claimed she heard splashing sounds and told Andreas S. it was his turn to check. She originally said that after the fire alarm went off, Andreas S. turned it off twice. When another different alarm went off, he went to check what was going on. Gerhard M. followed Andreas S. downstairs to the cells, where they found Jalloh alive but burning to death. His final word was "Fire".

The police suggested that Jalloh had burnt himself to death, using a lighter to ignite the foam mattress he was lying on in the cell. One appeared in an evidence bag several days after Jalloh's death."

An independent autopsy report found that he had a broken rib, a broken nose and a fracture at the base of his skull, indicating that Oury Jalloh may have been tortured before his death. During the investigations it was found that there had been at least two previous incidents, where persons held in custody had died after being locked up in the same police station (due to internal injuries or fracture of the skull).

One police officer has been suspended, another was displaced to a different station. The charges (of murder) against them were, however, ultimately dismissed by the court.

2. The NSU (National Socialist Underground)

They were a German Neo-Nazi militant organization uncovered in 2011 and they were responsible for several murders during these years. The article is a long one (even more so in German), but what's important here is that it's also an example of police being "blind on the right eye".

They didn't consider or straight up ignored evidence for a right-wing / fascist motivation behind the crimes (all intended victims were (descendants of) immigrants) but instead suspected immigrant clan-feuds to be the motif, despite a lack of evidence for that.

3. NSU 2.0 / The Frankfurt Chat Group

In December 2018, a far-right chat group within the Frankfurt police force came to light. A fax sent by the group, which issued threats against the daughter of NSU victims’ attorney Seda Başay-Yıldız, was signed 'NSU 2.0' in reference to the National Socialist Underground.

The officers have been suspended from duty and are facing disciplinary consequences; however, they are not being prosecuted because the content of their chats is deemed far-right but not criminal. In the abstract, this might seem understandable, but when you look at the specific chats, it becomes deeply disturbing.

It is possible to view the actual chats from the group, as they have been made publicly accessible by a critical satire magazine in collaboration with an initiative for information freedom. If you feel up to it, you can access the real chat logs of the far-right Frankfurt police group through this website and form your own opinion:

But, of course: the devil's in the detail and obviously not ACAB. (I say this as a person, who, for quite some time, was very skeptical towards the ideal of police officers being there to help you or having your best interests at heart).

I just think that with regards to the political situation in Germany right now and the rise of far right and extremist parties, these are cases to be weary of and to keep in mind.

If you have made it to the very end - thank you so much!

I wanted to end this on a positive note. This is the link to a video by a guy, who talks about how he went from transphobe to trans ally:

This might seem a bit random, but I post this here because it is positive case of someone, who makes an argument for talking to one another, despite initial differences - and how progress can be achieved. With the election coming up and families begin often anything but homogeneous, maybe some of you will find this helpful or hopeful!

[doeeyeseddie]

tell me that you'll never let me go

From the apartment, he calls Buck, who picks up after two rings. “Hey, did you make it okay?” Eddie leans back against the pillows on his bed and closes his eyes, wishing he was at home on his couch with Buck next to him. Or that Buck was here with him, at least. “Yeah, just got back from my parents’, actually.” “How’d it go?” Buck asks. His voice is warm, even through the phone. “Did Chris talk to you?” “A little bit,” Eddie says, and allows himself a smile. “Buck, he– he hugged me and told me he missed me. Of course, then he remembered that he was mad at me, but for a minute–” “That’s– that’s awesome, Eddie,” Buck says. “Hey, uh, I gotta run, but keep me posted, okay?” “Sure,” Eddie says, confused at being cut off so quickly. “What are you d–” But Buck has hung up already. ~ Eddie goes to Texas. Buck is being weird. It only takes them both five days to crack.

5k, rated t, written for lorna @capseycartwright's friends to fiancés february

[read on ao3]

[fierytrash]

I could swear I had written next chapter completely but I can't find it????? I'm going to cry

[not-poignant]

I found yesterday's music poll (do you listen to music while writing) really interesting because it made me realise that I'm super specific with what noise I need to stimulate what task I'm doing.

And it kind of goes like this:

Writing - Music, but: must be music I've heard before. This is why I have so many writing playlists / story playlists. I make them less for y'all (though I love sharing them) and specifically more for me writing the story! It can be in any language / have lyrics etc.

Editing - MyNoise.net (I love this site so much and highly recommend it to everyone) for sound generation, with low treble and higher mid-bass. Instrumentals (soft though / mellow / chill).

Cross-stitch - I watch anime or TV or movies.

Drawing/illustrating - I watch TV or movies.

My auditory attention tested super high during my ADHD assessment, and the neuropsychologist who diagnosed me explained this was why I paired noise/sound/audio to everything I do. Playlists for waking up, playlists for cleaning, playlists for writing, editing, cooking, drawing, cross-stitch, even watering the garden. I had been unconsciously compensating for my other attentional lacks (really bad with visual attention for example) by bringing in a strength.

And that's gonna be different for all of us! How we use (and don't use) sound to get by in life is super fascinating to me. I unfortunately can't wear headphones to deal with auditory overwhelm outside / in public (they all - in / over / on-ear - all give me varying degrees of otalgia/ear pain that can last hours afterwards for only 20-30 minutes of wearing them at a time), so I'm stuck in a noisy world. And I deal with that by generating my own noise, or even vocal stimming if I need to.

[encrucijada]

story about the coyote pack that used to live on the mountain next to my house and i could hear howling at night and the horror of getting driven out because people wanted to build mansions on their mountain

[sapphoshands]

Sorry if this is too intrusive, and feel free to ignore me, but I just saw you reblog the post about French verlan and I had to do a double-take because I had no idea you spoke French ?? And I'm always so glad when I encounter other francophone AAA and WOT fans, so yeah, I'm just wondering if you're French or Québécois·se or from another French speaking country ?

hey! totally not intrusive. i'm actually anglo-canadian and not a native speaker, but i've studied french most of my life (because canada!) and i work bilingually for parts of my job. i'm not fluent and my accent is atrocious but i'm pretty conversational and always working on improving. so hey, if youhave any media recs, since we clearly share good taste...!

[pavedinashes-if]

(vague spoilers kinda)

the first time i played through the harbor scenes i didn’t get to have the spicy scene and I think it’s cause my mc drank at the beginning and that sketchy little shack, because later they were turned down backstage despite flirting a lot. so i was wondering if the character doesn’t sleep with you if you’re too intoxicated? cause if that’s true than that says a lot about their character. i also rly liked how they reacted to the virgin mc, nice little moment. overall the spicy scene was amazing tho, you had so much flavor text and small things (must’ve been a pain to write), and while the ro might be problematic later on they generally seemed pretty healthy in this one little scene.

Hi there anon, I am excited to read you that you discovered so many details.

Tiny spoilers below

You are right, there's no nookie for intoxicated nor virgin MC.

I really loved writing all the flavour in this scene even tho it was a lot!! Unfortunately the variations are why there were quite some bugs depending on dynamics and gender and genital choice, trans or not etc. it was a good "test run" tho for future scenes and I know how to keep things a bit more structured in the future to hopefully avoid immersion breaking swaps. Still very excited and happy that this scene was perceived so well. I was really worried about the level of details added and how it would be taken. (Insert dirty joke here) seriously tho, the feedback was very nice and it shows me I will stick to my style. 🥰