#physics specifically
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Hayama news dropped, you know what that means? I am back to posting (with an essay) 🧡⚡️
I remember the day when KuroBasu official Twitter account posted an announcment of a new mobile game and openned another Twitter account that they called Street Rivals. I was sooo excited to see what the game would be about and I thought I finally had a chance to play a KnB game! The trailers looked so good and the game looked so promising and I just couldn't wait for it to drop! I was so excited to make different team combinations and try out my favorite characters and, well, just have some fun! ⭐️
Then the game dropped. JAPANESE SERVERS ONLY. I was so disappointed because playing Street Rivals was something I was really looking forward to. I quickly saw that a lot of people were unhappy with the Japan only servers and that they were sending requests for the game to drop globally. I figured and hoped that maybe the developers would listen to the fans and that they would give all of us who live outside of Japan a chance to play the game. I still have hope thay I will be able to play it one day, but I was praying that the day would come before Hayama comes out in the game (because I, very obviously, want him). HE IS DROPPING SOON AND THE GAME IS STILL NOT AVAILABLE OUTSIDE OF JAPAN. Even if it dropped outside of Japan today, I would have no time to get ready to obtain Hayama, because he will be a high rank character and I would need a lot of materials to get him...
Even though it made me kinda sad, it also made my day better because hey, at the end of the day, Hayama will get some appreciation! He will get a cool splash art, he will get rendered again and he already got a really cool trailer! I really hope that people who get him will enjoy having him on the team, that he will be fun to play and that they wony regret obtaining him! ⭐️🧡
Anyways, here is his trailer, in case you didn't see it (apologies for the bad quality):
I can't wait for his gameplay tutorials to drop, I am really curious to see just what they have in store for him! How fast will he be? Will he have all 3 levels of Lightning Dribble as a part of his kit? Will he come with the Double Clutch? There are so many things that he could do! I also can't wait to see his splash art! I just really want to see him in the Street Rivals style, it's so new and polished, it is pretty detailed and cool, too! 🧡💫
#knb#kuroko no basuke#hayama kotaro#hayama kotarou#street rivals#knb sr#if any of y'all get him take care of him for me#i hope he is gonna be fun heheh#I BETTER SEE MANY CLIPS OF PEOPLE PLAYING HIM ON TWITTER!#i will reblog this when his splash art gets announced with the image of it heheh#also sorry for not posting too much#college is kicking my ass#physics specifically#ohh how i love being an engineering student ♡#i have no time to draw or text people or scroll on tumblr and i feel so bad for that#i wish i was more active in the fandomm wahh#still. i will not let anyone miss out on hayama news.#it's my duty (as a hayama enthusiast) to update the fandom on everything new that drops for him#in short: i will always have time for hayama#my pookie wookie ♡♡♡
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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Do you think FNAF movie Vanessa has the Vanny mask?
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#fnaf vanessa#fnaf vanny#vanessa shelly#mike schmidt#I hope so bad for movie Vanny to be real BAHA#I genuinely think there are hints at Vanessa being Vanny in the movies#specifically how she’s physically unable to reveal against her father#it felt like there was a chip or something in her head preventing her#but similar to game vanny she’s able to override it if she tries hard enough#tbh seeing we’re officially getting more movies after the trilogy#Vanny is far more likely than ever#also just concrete proof I’ll be in the fnaf fandom forever LMAO#we’re in it for the long haul babes ��
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You guys are commenting on the fics you read right? You’re at least leaving kudos on the Astarion smut and the pairs that have less than 20 fics for them too? You’re bookmarking stories you really like that are still being updated and ones that haven’t been touched in over a year right?
You know that even the smallest interactions are like cocaine to fic writers right? You understand how important a string of emoji hearts left behind on a chapter at three am is right?? Right????
You’re treating AO3 like a community and not a content factory….right?
#this isnt bg3 specific btw im seeing a lot of fandoms rotting cause of this#ao3#archive of our own#bg3 fanfiction#bg3#PLEASE YOU GUYS INTERACT WITH THE THINGS YOU READ#you’re not being weird or annoying!!! it doesn’t matter how old the fic is!!!#you can just say ‘I love this’ or ‘it’s three am and I haven’t slept yet cause I was reading this’#you can copy and paste a paragraph you like and add ‘!!!!!!’ after it#theories in the comments! mention when you think you’ve found foreshadowing!!!#if there’s a part where you have to physically put your phone down and smile off into the distantce? TELL THE AUTHOR#you can leave comments every chapter too!!! ITS NOT ANNOYING
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We need to talk about how so many queer spaces are inaccessible and even actively hostile to physically disabled people.
#chronic disability#chronic pain#fibromyalgia#spoonie#physical disability#cripplepunk#queer spaces#lgbtq#lgbt#queer#disability#and i am specifically not including neurodivergence in this because many of these spaces are openly welcome to neurodivergence#other than maybe stuff like narcissism psychosis and schizophrenia#bc i have seen hostility to those exceptions#wrenfea.txt
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thinking abt physically affectionate men... casual touching before things are even romantic... they hug you when they say hello and then again when you say goodbye.... when they laugh rly hard they lean over so their weight is pressing into your shoulder.... they wrap an arm around your waist when you're in a crowded place to keep you close.... they can tell your hands are cold and take them in their own and rub them together to warm them up..... hm.....
#i am not a physically affectionate person but the thought of CERTAIN specific men doing this.......#this is himbo energy#and while i am not generally a himbo connoisseur i can appreciate the flavour once in a while
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massages forehead So Ambessa hid Mel away because she was a weapon in the literal sense, a mage. But Ambessa came to Piltover for Hextech? And Ambessa had nothing to say to Mel about her powers having visibly awakened? Even when Mel offered to go with Ambessa, giving her the ultimate opportunity to make Mel a weapon for real? And Ambessa made no attempt to find or retrieve Mel - not just her daughter and the remnants of the family Ambessa professes to love, but also her ultimate weapon - when she disappeared? And Ambessa trusted Singed and Viktor on their home turf - neither of them hiding how insane and self-serving they are with every reason to take over Ambessa's soldiers or just blatantly turn on her as soon as it benefits them - more than she trusted Mel? While Caitlyn (and by extension Piltover) was visibly and clearly falling away from Ambessa's teachings before Ambessa's eyes? (as if getting rid of certain people allows piltover to get rid of fascism but we won't get into All That)
Not only do I struggle to be hyped for Mel's powers beyond how amazing and beautiful she looks, but I can't help but feel like Mel is somehow less powerful in season 2 than she was in season 1, and not in an interesting way. As if Mel's ability to bend all of Piltover politics and economics to her will in season 1 now means nothing in season 2? You can argue that Jinx's attack led directly to Mel losing ground in Piltover - because I expected Mel to have to claw back that power without being able to rely on people who are too easily seduced by Ambessa and authoritarianism, and she would have to get creative to go toe to toe with her mother. I expected pushback to her mage identity that she would have to navigate. But instead this went either unwritten, or was ignored or discarded. Instead Mel is removed from the main plot, cutting her off from what made her the most interesting - only for all of Mel's very real talents, her very real powers and abilities, to be not only translated but REPLACED with magical powers she doesn't know how to control, and by the finale, those magic powers are the only powers that are considered real. Mel takes a backseat to Piltover's governing and decisions, a backseat to Jayce of all people who was not only new to politics mere months ago but made poor governing, strategic, and diplomatic decisions when he had that power. In season 1 Mel stayed off the "throne" but she did pull its strings one way or the other, and she makes no attempt at this in season 2
In my least generous suspicions, Mel was gentled and quieted to capitulate to an agenda for other characters who had to be correct and heroic - or wrong and villainous - no matter what the leadup narrative said, given her powers to help sell the game and set up future shows, and was effectively ejected from the Arcane story with faceless soldiers and a role she doesn't want because she was inconvenient there
#arcane#spoilers#arcane spoilers#arcane s2#arcane critical#mel medarda#mel arcane#ambessa medarda#this is not helped by having watched Shogun recently with Toranaga in all his horrible glory#Toranaga and Mariko are FRESH in my mind Riot do not PLAY with me#MARIKO WAS TORANAGA'S ULTIMATE HUMAN WEAPON AND SHE DID IT WITH NO SUPERNATURAL POWERS OR REAL MARTIAL PROWESS#SHE DID IT BY BEING GOOD AT BEING A NOBLE IN HER SPECIFIC CULTURE AND GARNERING TRUST AND SYMPATHY IN HER FRIENDS AND PEERS#IN SPITE OF BEING A CHILD OF A CURSED AND SHUNNED BLOODLINE#NOW DOESN'T THAT SOUND FAMILIAR#cough cough anyway I like Mel being a mage but I don't like how they did it and I don't like how separating Mel from Piltover wasn't MORE#sidenote i cannot better express my BAFFLEMENT that viktor and mel were in the same room and mel made no attempt to speak to him#when he was INTERESTED IN HER WHOLE DEAL. he literally REACHES OUT and mel did not use talk no jutsu#season 1 viktor was never in her influence bc 1) he was not just her employee but her SECONDARY employee socially and politically and#2) he's implied to be aware and resistant to her. but in season 2 her mage abilities make him VULNERABLE TO HER physically AND mentally#and she doesn't exploit that???? not even to protect jayce???? let alone piltover?????#also making ambessa less cunning less scary and more predictable than season 1 silco ought to be a criminal offense somewhere
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you're nice to people who are bald or balding, right? you're nice to people with high hairlines? or weird hair growth? right? you don't make mean jokes about going bald at the expense of people who are going through the very scary and usually very isolating process of losing hair?? right???
#sorry (?not really?) but finding high hairlines beautiful has 100000% fixed my self image issues AND made me nicer.#you should be nice to people with little or weird or no hair. i dont want to get depressing but hair loss can be so terrifyingly isolating#be nice!!#you really do NOT know who of your loved ones or friends you are hurting with funny haha bald jokes. and if you DO know who youre hurting#and are still making them anyways#im coming for you.#barkbarkbarkbark#you should be nice to people regardless of physical traits but like#ive seen an uptick in haha bald is ugly jokes on tumblr specifically so im biting tumblr
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Physical Affection Prompts
hi all! I just thought I'd make my own list of various physical affection prompts and since no idea is ever original some of these are 100% on other peoples lists but im not using other lists as reference or copying anyone. this list is for my own use and other peoples use and there's no need to credit me (though it's always nice).
reblog to have your followers send you these as prompts !! or just use them for your own writing.
all of these are meant as sfw prompts but some may seem a bit more intimate.
tracing someones face
tucking hair behind their ear
forehead kisses
desperate hugs
crying into their neck/shoulder
reversed little spoon & big spoon (the one who is normally the big spoon is the little spoon and vice versa)
holding their hand under a table
kissing their hand
kissing their collarbone
sitting with legs in their lap
morning cuddles where they're both mostly asleep and they don't want to wake up yet but they want to cuddle
petting their hair
head pats
sitting on the floor in front of them while they sit on the couch and their arms touch their legs.
holding both of their hands
hugs from behind
gently touching their waist to move past them (dont do this to someone you're not dating! dont believe I have to say this.)
grabbing their wrist or hand and turning them around
playing with their hands when nervous
slow dancing
#prompts#otp prompts#touch prompts#physical affection prompts#fluff prompts#send requests#specifically rn im in the nood for steve rogers#or thor odinson or clint barton or bucky barnes but specifically steve
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A large, black flower bud rose from the ground, slowly opening up to reveal a young woman who slowly stepped down. The edges of her long, black gown seeming to slither across the grass as she moved forward and placed a hand upon a sleeping dragon's snout, rousing it from its slumber.
Toxic green eyes opened slowly, staring at the woman before its pupils slowly dilated. Letting out a slight purr it rubbed against the woman's hand, who only let out a smile as she loving rubbed the dragon's snout.
"There're intruders within our forest." She whispered, pressing her forehead against the dragon's face, eyes downcast. "They have someone with them, who can control plants as well. At my level or, perhaps, even higher."
The woman sighed and the dragon rubbed its snout against her, causing her to let out a small chuckle. "I know, I know. Not my fault." She murmured, staring at its glowing white scales that emitted a soft light even in the sunlight. "Just, please. Do not try to take them on yourself."
A soft growl interrupted her, and the woman huffed. "Yes, yes. I know you're strong. But we can't risk losing you." She paused for a moment, staring into the dragon's eyes with a half-lidded gaze before adding on quietly. "You already know what happened to Vlad."
The dragon grew quiet, contemplating.
Not for the first time, Sam noted how lucky Vlad was, to have gained the revival ability of the Pheonix after becoming.
Otherwise...
"We don't need you grabbing their attention again." Her gaze grew steely, staring down and holding the gaze of the mighty beast before her. "It was only a stroke of luck, even with his brilliance, that Vlad managed to come back. You can't revive yourself, so don't take risks you can avoid."
This time it was the dragon's turn to huff, gaze trailing off to stare at a certain scar on its body before turning away. Sam caught his stare, but chose not to say anything as she stepped away.
"Stay here. I'll deal with them." She turned away, sprouting an open flower bud that she soon stepped onto. She turned slightly, staring at the dragon as its eyes slipped shut and quickly slipping back into slumber.
She looked away with a determined expression, petals closing around her as the flower sank into the ground.
They already lost Danny once, they couldn't lose him again.
#dc x dp#dpxdc#dp x dc#dcxdp#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp crossover#Poison ivy#Moreso mentioned but she IS there#Why?#:)#Ghosts are dragons#Well more so specifically Danny#Sam is like a nymph I guess#Some bg lore I suppose#Amity Park is now a truly closed off city after something caused the residents to become#Well#Monsters#So they shut their gates because of the GIW and believing that they were ghosts#They don't want the GIW/Ghost/Monster Hunters back in so#No one is allowed in or out#Sam has a forest defending the town#Where Danny sleeps after a certain encounter with the GIW#Vlad also had one but he wasn't as lucky because he was killed again but got revived because Pheonix#If he is currently a physical child is up to you though
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“kate has to babysit caitlin” well yes! otherwise there will be bloodshed on that court (jk)
no but really. i love that kate seems to be able to read caitlin so well that she can anticipate when she’s getting a little too heated even in the middle of a game. like that’s her psychotic baby fr
#pretty sure cc and kate talked about seeing this specific tiktok during an interview so slay#also the song choice???? lol#kate martin#caitlin clark#wbb#women's basketball#iowa hawkeyes#iowa wbb#work wives#SOMETHING ABOUT KATE PHYSICALLY TURNING CAITLIN’S FACE AWAY IS SO ATTRACTIVE TO ME LIKE ME NEXT ME NEXTTTTT
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Me whenever someone asks about my interests.
#the way this scene made me choke on my wine when it first aired#physically screaming it was so good#it’s the thunder claps in the background for me#any excuse for danny to talk about ducktales tbf#this is what louie would’ve sounded like if danny voiced him#this specific speech about the money bin was just🤌#ducktales#ducktales 2017#disney#dt17#disney tva#danny pudi#ashly burch#mythic quest#brad bakshi#rachel mythic quest#huey duck
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man, you know, nobody asked me, but I have such conflicting opinions on some of the fat falin art, where on one hand: it's always nice to see A Fat Body in fanart anywhere + it's being done in positive ways, for funsies and on the other hand, there is something so familiar about how you are automatically The Fat One if you are a woman simply standing next to a more petite woman, bc I've had a 0% hitrate in seeing people change Marcille's body type and keep Falin's, or change both of them. it's just Falin
#it gives me a negative feeling that I seldom/never get from seeing fat art which is rare#like she's not fat out of thin air For Fun And No Other Reason and she's not fat bc of context#(out of thin air being like just picking a character you like and changing their design just cuz. Kabru maybe.)#(and Because Of Context being the way ppl draw fat Usagi from sailor moon. which i have been meaning to do btw)#but rather she's fat just bc to be Not the thinnest woman in the room is to be fat. like it happens specifically by scale#because marcille is so much physically smaller and petite and falin is bigger in the ways that a Human Woman is bigger#than an elf woman#and it's funny bc it's something i see all the time already#people also really don't seem to have an interest in making marcille butch in fanart in a way#that is sort of sad for me bc it's like ah well she's the thin small one so of course she gets to be feminine#if you're physically bigger then of course you get to be masc of course of course of course...#i also love good butch art esp fat butch stuff but this is about the phenomenon where if you're with#a thinner shorter woman then that means you're the butch now which is a place I have been to#and I did not like it there#I think part of why That sticks it to me is bc marcille has such a Butch Girlfriend personality and falin acts so demure LMAO#but she's slightly bigger so the writing is on the wall#sergle.txt#Godspeed to you if you choose to read these thoughts in bad faith bc I can't give you more clarifying statements if I try#like I said. conflicting feelings#i don't know if anyone else has similar thoughts it May Just Be Me#I don't think ppl think about this stuff when they make their fan redesigns but it gives me a certain feeling
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The affectionate boyfriend and the boyfriend who doesn't know how to initiate said affection, but appreciates it nonetheless
#homestuck#homestuck fanart#humanstuck#kankri vantas#kurloz makara#kurkri#my loves my everything#I love!! Humanstuck!!!#I want to make more of it!!#I've always seen Kurloz as the very physically affectionate type with his quadrants#which extends to human Kurloz#It's actually a crime that I haven't posted Kankri stuff since AUGUST#they're supposed to be in college in my specific humanstuck au#my style also changed like... 3 times drawing this jesus
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I think I need MelVik connecting when Viktor was on his sick bed. they had been amicable before, maybe a little more than that due to their connection through Jayce and her presence around Hextech and such. but they weren't entirely friends. not yet.
and she goes to see him. perhaps she feels a tinge of guilt at assuming the worst about Jayce, or her bleeding heart makes her feel responsible for keeping Jayce out of the lab when Viktor had needed him. maybe Jayce needs to step out for a moment, and she soothes his worry by promising to sit with Viktor. maybe she just wants to be closer to the man that's so painfully important to the one she loves, wants to befriend him, wants to know him, all before it's far too late.
maybe it's a little bit of each.
but she goes to see him. she sits in the chair that Jayce has nearly worn a hole through, and keeps a semi-awkward distance between them, not knowing what is too close and too far.
this man is dying. he is dying and he has accepted that. he looks like a corpse. cold emanates off of him. he is something she doesn't fully understand.
she doesn't know how to approach.
but she does.
she greets softly and speaks softly and hesitates to touch, but rests a hand over Viktor's and feels how cold he is, even as a sickly warmth brews in his bones, leeching the warmth from his skin and the energy from his body.
he seems surprised she's there. it feels out of place. like the song and dance of their dynamic has shifted, and now he needs to relearn the steps. and now this is a dance of two, not three.
she will tell Viktor, in enough detail to be understood and not enough to be awkward, where Jayce was. because it feels right to confess. it's not an apology, but the avoidance of keeping something like a secret from a dying man.
Viktor will probably just nod and say something self deprecating, because what else do you say when your body is already making a joke of itself? before assuring her that Jayce is not his keeper, that she is not to blame, but even that comes off as some twisted attempt at humor. sue him for being sardonic as he lay dying.
but unlike Jayce, who will cringe at the jokes, she will hide a smile behind her fingers, muffling a soft, if not saddened, chuckle in her palm.
Viktor's eyes will light up ever so slightly.
she'll feel awkward once more. should she have laughed? was this playing into a complex? was this right of her?
Viktor will smile weakly.
she'll feel a little less awkward.
she will realize Viktor needs someone to laugh with. that Jayce, bless his soul, cannot be that person for Viktor. his worry has brewed too long. it's too strong.
but maybe a fresh face like Mel's can be there to smile when Jayce cannot. will laugh when Jayce cannot. can make cheeky jokes and pokes and prods.
the three fit together like 3 pieces of 3 broken puzzles. they fit together, not perfectly, but they fit, and create a finished object, even if off kilter her and uneven there. but it's ok, they're making due.
#jaymelvik#melvik#but this post is specifically about rhe MelVik brainrot#but Jayce is there in the background#something about their dynamic. in power. in physicality. in where they're from and how they got to the position they're in.#it's all so interesting#I think it would be so interesting to see these two come together more#and I think them coming together at the very end of Viktor's story (pre hexcore) would be bittersweet#they're running out of time before they even become anything#they both know that#but maybe that's what Viktor needs#someone who cares. but doesn't know him. does not know hum enough ti care so deeply it hurts.#and Mel is very physically affectionate without it being overboard#(looks at Jayce and how he cannot be chill with keeping his hands to himself)#like I think they would just be sweet#im imagining them curled up in her big bed. he's covered in blankets and she's resting on his shoulder. watching him breathe.#she's warm like the sun and he's keeping her grounded to earth#and the banter would go crazy. those are two gossip girls if given the chance#mel medarda#viktor arcane#she's everything Jayce can't be for Viktor. she can laugh and smile when Jayce can't. she can keep her cool.#Viktor needs that energy in his life#arcane
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Idk man I just think that mizu/ena5 and its progression was really beautiful actually. I just think that the release of the ena5 song was also really beautiful and kind of the nail in the coffin for me and I haven't been able to get the event(s) out of my head all week and that I kind of want to talk about it, actually.
It's about being hurt so deeply and continuously that any kindness that could be offered to you manages to feel like a sin, that it makes you crumble and shatter but for all the wrong reasons, not because of the newfound safety, not out of relief, but something worse and more deeply ingrained in you than kindness ever was. It's about carefully measuring the distance at which you keep others away from yourself, to ensure that it never happens again ("To save yourself the trouble", if that makes it easier).
It's about realizing that the people you've been spending all this time with are drifting closer, that they just might bump up against the unsightly parts of yourself that you've tried to keep locked away, it's about turning around and sprinting at full speed and slamming the door shut and holding onto the handle behind you to stop it from turning, because you're as frightened of the possibility of another wound being inflicted on you as you are of the possibility that kinder, gentler hands will reach out and smooth over the exposed scar. It's about hating eyes that judge and silently condemn you as much as you hate eyes that simply see you and take all of you in without scrutiny, because no matter what they're looking and they're looking at you and they know that your hand's on that door handle and they know that you're hiding something because, as much as you try to keep it shut, they've seen through the crack that you foolishly left open.
(The prominence of eyes in Bake no Hana, specifically eyes looking and searching, and finally landing on you, the viewer, Mizuki, is so fucking. Visceral in my opinion. Every character in the MV stares at the viewer in a deadpan, almost judging way. Even though Mizuki knows deep down that niigo won't really hate them, won't judge them, she just can't stand their kindness either; any gaze directed at her is a loss, another prick in their skin. It screams "don't look at me" while making sure that you know, with horrific certainty, that they're looking for you, that you're being watched. You can't go outside, can't leave your room, because they're searching for you, and while that should be reassuring, to you it's anything but).
It's about not wanting to be dissected, whether it's with hands that want to pull your organs apart or stitch them back together because no matter what they're there, and they're getting frighteningly close to your heart. It's about blinding yourself and covering your eyes to it all because seeing means exposure and exposure means they're taking something from you and you can't do anything about it, much less take it all back, much less have a say in the matter. Everyone's just taking and taking and taking and you wish you could just be alone. You wish everyone would just disappear and you could live in a world all to yourself, for only yourself (but is that really what you want?).
It's about the way that, near the beginning of the Yoka ni Mitoreta MV, Mizuki and her loneliness is represented as a dark, splotchy stain in the shadows. No colors, no patterns, no way to clean it or wash it all away, just raw ugliness marring a blank canvas. It's about the way that Ena reaches out to it anyway, the way she startles when the glass shatters just when she finally starts reaching forward, the way that the rest of the MV/song represents her searching for and reaching only further out to Mizuki, even if the broken shards of glass will only cut her fingers, potentially leaving scars.
It's about how, in every way, subtly, directly, consciously, and subconsciously, Ena shows that she fucking cares.
It's about the way that Ena lets Mizuki have autonomy, despite the situation being so horribly out of their control. And it's such a delicate thing: If she really wants to, Mizuki can take the opportunity to just run away, keep running forever, repeat the cycle over and over, and maybe she'll just destroy herself with it again, but it can't be denied that it's something important to them, something she can't quite live without just yet, their means of survival. Mizuki's autonomy is their identity, it's her tailoring her own clothes and choosing her own ribbons and styling her own hair the way she does. Ena letting them have that is as much about trust as it is about understanding that Mizuki of all people should have this right, when control was something stripped from her throughout so much of her life. She couldn't control how she was born, how people look at her or why, can't control what they think of her; lacking control has only left Mizuki vulnerable to the cruelties of others, has only caused them to suffer, which is why it's so important that it's given to them now.
She had the control to make the choice to see niigo's welcoming love and run away instead of staying, and she has the control to make the choice now whether she wants to keep things the way they are or take a step forward to be at their side again. She has every right to have it, and I think the fact that Ena realizes and respects that, even if it's subconsciously, is really beautiful (there is an entire fucking Verse about this in the new song and just. God Look at this. It's so caring, unconditional, and for fucking What. I think there is something to be said about how much Ena is willing to put aside for Mizuki, and maybe deep down it isn't healthy, but for now I'm just kind of in awe)
It's about how insanely patient Ena has been this whole time. Mizuki says that she basically lied to Ena's face about telling her their secret, even after Ena said with such conviction that she would wait for Mizuki as long as it takes, and Ena is just kept waiting and waiting and worrying like this seemingly indefinitely. It's about how Mizuki danced around it, avoided it, kept the distance, straight up ran when she was finally pushed, but Ena still chased anyway when she saw that she couldn't wait anymore, kept chasing just enough to intervene and get a straight answer out of Mizuki when she really needed to, but still leaving her enough space to leave if that was truly what she wanted. It's about how relieved Ena is the moment that Mizuki finally says outright how much they want to be with her and niigo, how much she wants to try, how much more light Ena's voice sounds when she grabs her hand, relieved, the way that the relief she feels can be felt through the music, throughout the entirety of Yoka ni Mitoreta, the way that warm colors always follow her when she chases after Mizuki, just to hold onto her and stop her from running away completely.
It's about how that careful combination of Ena's directness, Ena's persistence, Ena's warmth, her patience, her bluntness about her feelings, the way she chases and holds on but not too tight and her regard for how unsafe and exposed Mizuki feels actually works and breaks it all down. It's about how she really did reach through to Mizuki, despite the thorns and broken glass shards and nearly-unfulfilled promises, the way that Mizuki did finally let her turn the door handle and step through to see what she'd been hiding all this time, the way that Mizuki's hand, limp, when Ena first grabs onto it, shifts to hold hers back as they cry in the face of Ena's gentleness.
Despite how harsh Mizu/Ena5, and even Ena herself as a character can be (or at least was in the very beginning of pjsk), everything is somehow gentle and warm in the end, blindingly so. And you know what, I think that's beautiful. And what's even more beautiful than that is how Mizuki allows themself to crumble and shatter under that kindness, that warm light, but this time, finally, out of relief.
On a final note, I just want to say that I also appreciate how all that didn't have to solve everything. The scars haven't disappeared, haven't gone away, and Mizuki knows that their desire to run hasn't gone away forever, and maybe it never truly will. But for now they've calmed it, at least a little. She's learning to allow herself to be seen, learning that when someone's fingertips brush over their scars the way Ena's did that it's only out of care, and that maybe taking in that care and allowing herself to feel kindness and safety is okay. They're safe, for now, somehow. They're learning. They're trying. And I think that's cool :)
#txt#pjsk#project sekai#mizuki akiyama#akiyama mizuki#ena5#ena shinonome#shinonome ena#25 ji nightcord de#niigo#n25#mizuena#i'll tag it for the shippers too bc why not they'll enjoy this#closing my eyes and hitting post because on one hand i want to keep editing this because it's a mess but if i spend another minute on this#I Will explode#physically i have moved on mentally i am still staring at that damn card on my monitor while the music swells and mizuki is wailing out#that damn image has like actually rearranged my brain chemistry it's not even funny#i'm so fucking weak for this specific character dynamic/relationship yeah it might be cliche yeah i'm lame whatever#but like. FUCKKKK THEY DID IT SO WELL. THIS IS ACTUALLY INSANE. they put so much care into mizuki as a character it's crazy#oh mizuki. i hope you find peace and happiness.#i hope you look around you and the people you've surrounded yourself with one day and realize that you've found safety#anyways yeah sorry this is incomprehensible nonsense also sorry if the pronouns were confusing i hc she/they for mizuki#y'know partway through writing this i half considered turning this around into a fic but like. nahhhhh. tumblr text word vomit it is#sorry about the *checks* 1.4K word text ramble. but thanks for reading if you got here B))
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