#physical loneliness

[chai-ky]

Me: I'm over TMA, haven't thought about it in years

The Magnus Protocol: *exists*

Me: ... Fuck TMA was really fucking good huh

[uinferno]

Brennan Lee Mulligan MinMaxing yet another PC that will very likely make me cry while also bodying his opponents.

[ryssbelle]

Some of y’all portray John Dory as so old and yeah he is older and you can do whatever you want forever as an artist or writer but he is 30 years old and yall draw him like his pushing 50

Mans got one foot in the grave and the others going in the second he his 36

Bonus:

[etherealabyss11037]

Miscellaneous Rei Mekaru Headcanons (DRA):

Rei abstains from ingesting any sweets and/or junk food; she views them as harmful to her wellbeing and regards anyone who excessively indulges themselves with junk food as disgusting and contemptuous.

In a non-despair AU, Rei would’ve eventually befriended with the Sunshine Trio (Satsuki, Haru, Teruya) after relentless pursuit from Satsuki. Satsurei supremacy y’all. 🧡💙

Also I just like the idea of Rei and Haru being bros. Something’s very amusing about a horny stoner pilot and an upright intellectual jiving.

Rei is pan-demiromantic apothisexual. I don’t make the rules. 💖💛💙💜🤍🩶🖤

Rei can speak multiple languages, with the two most obvious being English and Japanese.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I think Rei would absolutely despise insects, possibly bordering on Entomophobia.

Speaking of, here’s a few phobias I think she could have: atelophobia (adversion to imperfection), mysophobia (adversion to contamination and germs), and haphephobia (adversion to touch).

Despite her hatred, Rei does occasionally fantasize about what her life could’ve been like if her parents hadn’t abandoned her. She could’ve enjoyed all the love, warmth and belonging that normal children get to experience- but she shakes those thoughts away and focuses her attention elsewhere, such as reading, researching, working, etc.

Hates rap and most mainstream music. Listens to classical shit.

May or may not have Asperger’s Syndrome (totally not projecting, nothing to see here guys 😅).

Her beautiful orange hair and eyes are a result of incomplete genetic dominance; her mother possessed yellow hair and eyes and her father red hair and eyes. Additionally, she inherited her poor eyesight from both parents.

Is an atrocious singer. Rei is a woman of many talents, but this is not one of them. 😓

Definitely has a teddy bear collection that she will die before ever showing to anybody.

Rei is without a doubt the smartest student in her class aside from Yamato; and I estimate her actual IQ to be between 120 to 130, based on the fact that she taught at Harvard University prior to attending Hope’s Peak Academy.

Has cried only twice; the first when her parents left her on the streets and the second during the 6th class trial of DRA.

Has never once celebrated her birthday, sadly. 😢 She sees it as an unproductive activity and that her time is better spent on other things.

Alright, that’s it for now. I’ll update if I think of any other headcanons. 🧡

[revvethasmythh]

not to be dramatic, but why are they like this

[pansyfemme]

i am not doing so hot

[unamazing-sheep21]

The Traveler's loneliness

When you REALLY think about it, The Traveler themselves is one of ( if not) the most heartbreaking character in all of Genshin Impact I'm so serious. They barely have any genuine friend they can share or is willing to listen to their problems with. They never do this with Paimon because they know what they're worried and scared about is far too heavy for her to handle. Like in the Sumeru quest in the first dream they're cannonicaly deathly afraid that their family bond with their twin isn't enough to bring them back together. They always make time to listen to and help their friends ( and ENEMIES sometimes, i.e Scaramouche) go through their struggles but not one of them ever ask The Traveler how they're doing. Not one of them steps up and is as earnestly willing to help the Traveler as they did everyone else. And like.. that's so heartbreaking. We've never even seen them cry.

Even after saving/help saving five countries they're only barely an inch to finding what's going on with their sibling. The only person who could possibly understand them , and is consequently the one leading the group that's causing all the trouble for her Teyvatian friends. On TOP of that there's the fact that they'll always be an outsider no matter how much they do for Teyvat. The fact that they actually love Teyvat so much but can never connect with it the way everyone around them does. ( My headcannon is that Traveler does all these things not just because they think it's right but also because they don't want to be useless to Teyvat, and that they don't want to be hated and singled out just for being an outsider). And on TOP on top of that Traveler has been lied to and manipulated and betrayed and looked down upon more times than they can count even by people they call friends ( Kaeya, Zhong Li, Childe, Raiden etc etc).

And furthermore it's canon that they're slowly loosing their mind from all of this. Look at the Caribert quest, and the recent Lantern Right trailer where they're eating with their sibling, their crazy dreams about their twin where it seems like they're there with them. LIKE UUUUGH. Aether/Lumine is actually SUCH an interesting and complex character they make me SICK.

[crayonverse]

details bout michael n eins dynamic. 2 me (cw physical/emotional abuse, cannibalism, suicide/suicidal idealizations, ableism, self-harm)

michael only refers to himself as eins father when he wants ein to do something, any other time hes just michael .

lets ein not refer to him as sir to make him feel more "special" .

after eins mom broke up w zack she sorta got a bit. out of it. she started neglecting ein and she became depressed. The First Step in ein distrusting others bc his mother stopped paying attention 2 him. michael used a small amount of his magic to control her and make her drown herself in the kitchen sink and then kidnapped ein, making it look like she had killed herself and ein had ran away. .

just as a small thing of me hcing ein as a transguy, michael named him ein bc the meaning of "ian" (which is what his name is just spelled weird) is "God is Gracious" as a constant reminder that michael "saved" ein. .

ein wasnt tested on w forever potions (in the early stages w the other kids) because michael absolutely could not let Zack know he had his other stupid kid. when ein found out about the testing he was extremely upset bc he wasnt "special enough" for it. picture ein 6 years old begging for medical malpractice to be used on him .

he was tested later but as a teen when michael got out, since he didnt have access to the other children. although he wasn't able to use the full potions since he didnt have access to emeralds at the moment, so he used diluted versions of the potions that weren't as powerful via syringes. ein gets a fear needles from it .

when michael n the other two idiots were locked in the pocket dimension ein went through a brief depressive period bc the One Guy he (thought) cared about him disappeared. when michael did get out he didnt tell ein immediately bc he . doesnt like ein but when he found out ein got arrested he told ein that he should stay in jail for a few months to "learn his lesson" .

slightly unrelated but when michael wanted him out of jail he also wanted ein to disappear off the radar so he faked eins death in jail. originally he wanted ein to die in like a riot but ein, sensing an opportunity, asked for it to say he killed himself instead. the opportunity being aphmau half way into her uni course looking up her old high school bullies to see what theyre up to and just finding out ein is Fucking Dead .

the potions michael uses on ein are mainly magic power related (like eins Green Laser) because he likes manipulating ein into doing things rather than using his magic because its "more fun" .

michael subconsciously views ein as his actual son (mcd travis) bc he feels like "this one is a better son" or whatever .

not a specific thing but mother knows best reprise from tangled is a Viewpoint on their dynamic 2 me .

ein is internally scared of michael but he never verbally says that and if anyone asks him if he is he denies it immediately bc he doesnt want pity. you can see it in his eyes though. elizabeth is really the only other person who mentions it but she mostly uses it to make fun of ein because she "doesnt think its that bad" (<- she is unaware) .

bc of michael ein absolutely hates unwarranted physical touch. he reacts violently if anyone grasps his shoulder from behind or touches his upper arms. the only touch he usually allows is people lightly touching his hair/head bc he still registers it as headpats (grabbing his hair usually results in him biting) .

michael usually physically threatens or abuses ein to reprimand him but sometimes he throws ein into the Metaphorical Torture Box for entertainment .

basically most of the things michael does to ein is for his own amusement .

he also heavily dehumanizes ein to convince him to do evil acts, rationalizing it to him as "you arent a person so is it really that bad??" ein does not view himself as an actual person at this point more so as a nameless soldier, a weapon, etc .

i used this for an old fic n stuff too but also michael makes ein commit cannibalism to forcibly dehumanize him more. he wants to make ein feel entirely disconnected from humanity (like michael feels for himself) so ein will basically be a "mini michael" .

ein also consciously copies michaels mannerisms/speech. only really elizabeth n zack notice it however and it just fucking freaks zack the hell out (elizabeth is also freaked out by it but mostly ignores it) .

theres just a general theme of a loss of control for ein in general. he gets a small allowance from michael and hes not allowed out overnight, all his communication is usually internally with the researchers or guardian forces. most of the time ein self isolates from them, viewing them as beneath him and michael. when they try to talk to him its a 50/50 whether he'll tell them to fuck off or he'll hiss at them .

another specific detail is pre s4 ein fucked up a potion and instead of his usual reprimand, michael used pliers to defang ein. in his head its the one thing ein can't rationalize about michaels actions (the one "seed of doubt" he has). he usually makes excuses for michael's actions towards him but being defanged is the only one he struggles with since he knows that michael knows how important his wolf side is to him .

pre s5 and just like at the end of s5 (when ein was seen on the bridge) he was going through another depressive episode bc he missed his ears and tail. he was mainly just going through the motions of his daily life but he was barely holding on. michael repeatedly discouraged ein from committing because the plan would be messed up because of it (michael said that directly to him) and he would imply that ein would be a traitor if he went through with it. .

michael actually flipped between discouraging and encouraging ein to commit to see what he would do. .

he's caught ein self-harming before, w ein attempting to either drown or smother himself. michael doesnt like doing this regularly but most of the time he lets ein hug him so he feels "comforted". other times michael just scolds him and tells him to not do it again. .

i also hc ein as a low empathy autistic (bc # me) and he used to stim very openly and loudly but michael disliked that part of him so he "trained" ein to not stim in public which just results in him being constantly overstimulated, a contributor to Ein being fucking mad all the time. hes like a hair trigger away from a meltdown at all times .

the only method of stimming ein can usually get away w is when he scratches his arms/scabs. unfortunately he doesn't trim his claws and it usually results in ein making himself bleed or reopening scars. michael has attempted to get him to stop doing this but its pretty much a compulsion for ein at this point.

[peachdoxie]

I'm back in the town I went to grad school in for a day and a half after being away for five months and it's causing a lot more anxiety than I expected. Although the experience wasn't all bad, I spent five years here during some of the most stressful moments of my life, and being here has brought back those feelings. I'll be glad to be gone tomorrow.

[wizisbored]

hey you guys want some backstory on what nimona was talking about in my last whumptober post??

cw verbal abuse, referenced physical abuse, brief violence

///

Nimona can never go at it alone for long.

Some stints last longer than others, generally dictated by how much of an ass the last person she stuck with was. Asses, as it turns out, have the singular selling point of being a decent cure for loneliness. But time has the unfortunate habit of healing wounds, and after long enough the sharp points of the spite are worn down enough for her to think that maybe, maybe, this time will be different.

She knows what to look for and how to find it, and all in all it’s incredibly easy to put herself in the path of another horse thief.

Three days and one perfectly honorable and upstanding horse trader later, Nimona once again has her decision on whether to talk to her new companion postponed by a piece of metal shoved in her mouth. She’s a shifty, scrappy-looking woman clearly running from something, because she came willing to pay for any horse - even a great big heavy-footed thing that won’t take her anywhere fast - as long as it gets her out of town.

Nimona can do that.

The woman is a quiet rider. Some people sing in the saddle, some talk - to themselves or to her, regardless if they know that she understands them. But the day goes by without another word, the time filled instead by the creaking of saddle leather and the steady thudding of hooves. Nimona considers humming to herself, but past experience has taught her that humming tends to have a better chance than speaking does of making her rider question their sanity. At least when she opens her mouth and talks there’s a clear source. It’s easier to think humming could be coming from anywhere. Nimona amuses herself instead by fidgeting with the bit on her tongue.

Camp is made that night in the middle of nowhere, Nimona put on a rope and allowed to graze. She does, briefly, but she’s far more interested in getting to know her new companion. She wanders over to where the woman is cooking, and presses her nose to her shoulder. The woman half-turns towards her, still keeping her eye on the fire.

“What do you want?” she asks as she absent-mindedly strokes her nose, and Nimona makes a split-second decision.

“Just wanted to come say hey,” the horse says.

It’s a few days through the desert to get where they’re going, wherever the hell that is. The woman’s been cagy. Nimona doesn’t even know her name, and she’s been snapped at for using ‘Boss’. But, they’ve managed to settle on Ma’am, when they actually talk. The lady’s no more of a conversationalist now that she’s got someone to converse with, and outside of the rides characterized by long swaths of silence Nimona finds herself talking for two. It’s not something she finds all too difficult. She rambles, to put it plainly, and even with how long she’s been at this she’s still not learnt to be too tight-lipped in certain areas. Her new companion knows she can do more than just talk by the end of the second day.

“Y’know, you’ve really got this ‘mysterious drifter’ thing down,” Nimona tells her, at the end of the fourth. “Like, ‘so unknowable that not even her horse knows where she’s going.’”

“Most horses don’t know where they’re going, they just do as they’re told,” the lady points out.

“Yeah, I guess, but I’m not most horses, am I?” Nimona counters, with a teasing smile.

“Stop prying.”

The lady pointedly returns her attention to the beans and hardtack she’s eating. Nimona pouts, tearing loudly at a clump of desert grass she’s uprooted; sure, she looks human right now, but she can still survive like a horse and so she isn’t afforded a share of the rations. A stalk scratches at the corner of her mouth as she eats, and she absent-mindedly rubs at it. Wrong move.

“Don’t,” the woman snaps.

“What?”

“You’re finding a way to complain without complaining. I’ve told you to drop it.”

“I wasn’t, actually, but if you wanna bring it up so bad-”

“Don’t.”

“Why shouldn't I? I told you upfront I don’t like bits, but I let you have it ‘cause it’s what you wanted. And you thank me by being as heavy-handed on the thing as humanly possible?”

“You’re too stubborn. I wouldn’t have to be so firm with you if-”

“If what? If I was a perfectly obedient normal horse?

“Yes! I never asked for this, you know. I bought a standard, no-funny-business horse. I didn’t want a traveling companion!”

“Yeah- Well- That’s just how it is, sometimes! Sometimes you buy a horse and it turns out it’s not a horse! It happens!”

“No it does not! Horses are horses! It’s not normal to try to buy one and end up with some- some grubby, ugly little freak.”

Nimona is on her feet before she knows it, throwing the grass to the ground. “Some what?”

“You heard me,” the woman says, unimpressed. “You know. So stop being a brat and just listen - we’re gonna get out of this goddamn desert, and then you’re gonna let me sell you on as a horse to make back what I paid. Stay with whoever buys you, sneak off, I don’t care. But you’re getting me my money back.”

“Oh, that’s real bold. Real fucking bold! You think you’re getting on my back again after that?!”

“I better be! You better get your damn act together or I can promise you, there’ll be hell to pay!”

Nimona barks out a laugh, her eyes wide. “What kinda hell? No, really, what kinda hell? What do you think you could do to me?”

The woman stands too. “Are you threatening me? Making like you’re just going to up and leave?”

“What you gonna do about it if I am?”

In two strides the woman is right in her face, grabbing a fistful of Nimona’s bandanna and yanks it upward, like she’s trying to lift her by it. “You could do with learning some respect, girl.”

Nimona holds her gaze steady, not intimidated in the slightest. “Why,” she growls, “would I respect someone who cut my gums open and called me a freak?”

“You ARE a freak!” She tugs roughly on the bandana, almost shaking her. “Of course you’re a freak, look at you!”

Nimona snarls. Not like a human doing a poor imitation of an animal. Like a wolf. Teeth and all. For the first time, the woman falters.

“Stop that.”

She snarls louder. More teeth, brighter eyes. The woman shoves her away.

“You’re crazy, you-”

There’s teeth in her throat before she can finish.

Before the sun is up, a bloodied, wild-eyed teenager stumbles into a bar in the ass end of nowhere, alone. Nobody has the guts to deny her a drink.

[rose-0f-winter]

I'm aroace.

I don’t want a relationship, most days I don't even like the idea of a qpr.

Here's the thing though:

I'm lonely. Some days I'm so incredibly lonely that I can only sit in my room, crying.

My friends are awesome and I love them to death. But recently, my best friend got a boyfriend and although all of us promised not to disappear and to stay friends no matter what, our relationship changed. Their priorities changed.

We still do our friend dates frequently and I can still tell them all of my secrets (well, most of them really). Sometimes though, it takes them days to answer my texts because the presence of the boyfriend is more important. I can understand that but it still makes me feel small and unimportant. Especially when I need their support.

Most days I'm more than happy to be on my own, to plan my time around the things I like to do, to meet with friends for games and movies.

But on some days my loneliness causes me so much pain.

I went to a club the other night with my brother and his girlfriend. His girlfriend doesn't dance and my brother talked about dancing with me. So we did, for about 10 minutes. It was awesome.

Then he got up to the bar to get more drinks and I spent the rest of our time there standing awkwardly next to them while they scrolled through their phones and sipped on their drinks. I asked repeatedly if he'd like to dance again but he refused.

I'm not particularly attractive (I'm chubby and most of the time I look like 16 instead of 25) but I stayed for about 30 more minutes, looking around the room, making eye contact and hoping someone would ask me to dance. To no one's surprise, no one did.

I left alone, without another chance to dance, without someone striking up a conversation, and with my brother and his gf essentially ignoring me.

I cried the entire way back.

I sometimes imagine myself with people - characters of my own creation. I imagine them entering my space when I need them, listening to my worries, and leaving again when I need them to without feeling rejected.

I love to dance, I love to cuddle, and I like small kisses. All of these are things that are only possible with another person and generally, they are associated with a relationship.

So in those moments of loneliness when I'd like someone to dance with, to cuddle and to kiss, I consider looking for a qpp.

Could there be someone who is ready to accept me and my shifting boundaries of intimacy? Someone who lives in my vicinity but only sometimes enters my space? Someone who I would even be ready to change my life and my priorities for? Would I even be capable of giving the other person what they need?

The concept of a relationship that is intimate but not sexual, considerate of the needs and boundaries of both parties, and exclusive, seems so complicated to establish that I'm not very hopeful it'll ever happen for me.

I don’t know if other aroaces struggle with this but deciding between the reality of having a partner for those things you enjoy but need a partner for, and being happy on your own with interrupting bouts of loneliness, is a problem I have yet to solve.

[giantkillerjack]

*Slaps roof of Simon*: this bad boy can fit so many metaphors in him

Simon: *immediately collapses from the force of the slap*

[ghostzzy]

oh it’s gonna be a wrap myself in my weighted blanket with my heating pad and pretend i’m experiencing human affection kind of night huh

[inspectorlyfra]

crazy how when you're annoyed by someone/something you can choose to take it in good faith and treat it with love/care anyway and it will genuinely help you stop being so mad

[filthy-rat]

.

[keithsandwich]