#phoenix rambles

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Oh the rodydekus are AWAKE say more rnnnnn

[phoenix--flying]

hate a mother fucker who cant even hate on characters properly

[reiwandaful]

Kuuga really is like a religion but instead of any of the god stuff it's about kindness despite the horrors

[steampunk-newsie]

noooo Sweden won

I'm watching with friends we all didn't really like her and were rooting for Finland and Norway and Australia

when I tell you the room erupted when ut was announced

[phoenix-is-still-here]

just letting you know I'm feeling kinda jealous of flat chested gay men rn

[itsphoenix0724]

That’s it you’ve left me NO CHOICE

I’m writing a slutty Eris fic because of all the hate he’s been getting lately

And no one can stop me 😤

[phoenix-is-here]

TW : Dysphoria

Hello, creatures of all types and genders. How are y'all doing tonight/today ? Hope the answer is positive. If it's not, you're getting a virtual [insert preferred manner of giving affection]. And even if it is, you're getting a virtual [insert preferred manner of giving affection].

Now, I'll get to the subject of this post, which is something lots of you might understand and relate to. I hate utterly despise dysphoria, and I despise even more feeling it. Sometimes, when I finally get the courage to go wash myself, I look into the mirror. And the thing I see, it just feels like I'm looking at a stranger. The only thing I ask myself in that moment is "Is that how people perceive me ? Is that what I look like to them ?" when I know, perfectly, that it is the case, even though that's not what I see myself as when I think of me. It just feels...wrong to see someone instead of who you really are when looking in the mirror.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to get that out of my chest. Now, I'm off to bed. So, good night/day to each and every one of you.

[phoenixdoesartstuff]

Sorry yall

All I can do is sketchdumps for now cause life's been beating my ass lately :,)

[phoenix-rose-melody]

I am screaming! I rewatched the scene of Jaskier and Ciri playing cards. And I was so happy to find that the Song Jaskier sings as Ciri falls asleep is the song Ciri sings in Korath! A Little Sacrifice!

I like to think this means in one of the darkest moments, when she was lost and alone, in order to keep herself going. She sang a song that Jaskier most likely taught her. One that reminded her to be strong!

Okay, thank you for listening to my rambles!

[therisingphoenixden]

So, I was feeling kind of rough at the end of last week and decided to dip into my stash of comfort video games.

What did I pick?

The first Pillars of Eternity game.

Longish ramblings about why I love this game under the cut!

I feel like I have very weird tastes in comfort games because Pillars of Eternity is not at all what I'd call a cozy or comforting game. In fact, it's quite bleak in a lot of places. But it has amazing depth to its lore and story that grounds you while also pulling you in, wonderfully written characters that make the world of Eora feel alive, gorgeous music (if you watch Critical Role, especially during campaign 2, you'll recognize a lot of the music in the game), and several very unique races to use as your player character in addition to the usual standards of dwarves, elves, and humans. The dialogue system lets you shape your character even further with race, class, stat allotment, and your reputation and personality scores opening up different paths to pick from.

The story also deals with questions surrounding faith and religion, the nature of the soul, and features heavy reincarnation themes. If you know my love of Morrowind, you know that this kind of stuff is my catnip.

Combat-wise, I play on story mode because I'm a story-first kind of player. I'm also usually very exhausted and am up very early in the mornings on weekdays. But even story mode can be a bit of a challenge when you prefer to roleplay as a character and not what the "best" race/class combos and builds are for Path of the Damned mode. Granted, I'm overleveled for where I am in the story (both in base game and in White March 2), but it's still enough of a challenge for my permanently exhausted mind to enjoy. You still have to think tactically so your party isn't overwhelmed, which tickles the part of my brain that grew up playing rts games.

I'm currently dawdling with completing act 2 on my fire godlike cipher, Xiuhitl, just because I missed playing around in the world of Eora so much and I'm not ready to hit Twin Elms and proceed to the endgame yet. I'm taking options that I haven't before and discovering quests that I completely missed in my first few playthroughs of the game. It's almost like playing it for the first time all over again, especially since I haven't played in a while. I remember some of the major story beats, but not all of them, and I'm not ashamed to admit I got lost once or twice because I think the last time I played was during lockdown. But I prefer to say it's a testament to the game itself where I get drawn in and turned around because I wanted to read the ambient dialogue or listen to the bard in Stalwart sing.

The real adventure is the journey - not the endgame. And in a world that's still very magical while maintaining firm and believably realistic roots, why would you want the adventure to end so quickly?

[phoenix-patches]

while working on a new patch i was thinking about a story i wrote 5 years ago. it was my first "serious" story with original characters and setting that i actually managed to finish. and it was too dark and had no moments where the tension eased a bit, even just for a joke, to take a breath.

at least this is what i remember, cause i haven't read it for like 4 years now. i cringe at reading stories or looking at art i made in the past because of how imperfect they are (like a lot of people)

but today i thought that i shouldn't cringe so much, because even if this story (for example) is so dark and serious and not something i would write today, it was still a step towards finding my artistic voice. it was what i was able to do at the time, and it's ok. i don't even want to call it a learning step, although it is, but not mainly. it was what i wanted to communicate at the time. it is good the way it is.

and it helped me understand how and what i really want to write. and that's good.

this is all to say that we grow and learn. time spent trying and experimenting is not wasted, whether we are trying to learn a new skill, a new job, getting to know ourselves.

i have people around me beating themselves up because they aren't able to do something yet, and I'd like them to understand they need to forgive themselves for not being able right now. they even want to stop trying because they're frustrated... completely giving up on the opportunity to learn to do stuff.

i used to be much more perfectionist in the past, straight up refusing to be patient with myself while i was learning, and thats something i want to grow out of. refusing to try because of frustration is a way to shield us from failure, but ultimately, we need to overcome fear of failure. and fear to waste time making mistakes. because time exists for us to use it.

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Be honest, if I was an anime character would you stan, kin, or simp for me

[phoenix--flying]

"cant boys be friends" THEY CAN. but they can also kiss each other

[reiwandaful]

How I look with he/him pronouns in the bio

[stuck-in-digital-limbo]

it is around 1:40 in the AM where i live currently i feel like

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[phoenixblack89]

It's almost the end of the year and I had hoped that I would of been working on series 3 of walking dead in my fic Fera Ingris.

However given what a stressful year it's been I've found my creative juices sealed shut for the last few months.

My hope is now that things are set in stone that I can pop that juicy smutty angsty bottle in the new year and get back to doing what I love again.

I wish every one a very merry Christmas and a fun filled, creative new year.