#phil is a good dad and I’ll die on this hill | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

strawberrylemonz · 3 years ago

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Disc(o) Boy

Part 4

Part 5 [CURRENT]

Part 6

DT: @bargledblocks @snapdragonfirefly @artistconk

“Chat, I’ve been thinking-”

“That’s not good.”

“Fuck you! You know what? I’m not telling you what I was going to tell you-! Oh, look at the sunset.”

Chat clucked and chuckled as Tommy pulled out his camera, snapping a photo. Humming as he waited for it to develop, he nodded to his voices.

“Can’t wait until I can get a new camera, one that can record, too! Don’t get me wrong, the camcorder dad left behind works well, but it’s becoming a hassle, innit?”

The sound of disembodied voices harmonizing agreed with the child, watching as he put away the photo, swapping it with his water bucket. Jumping off the side of his cliff, he hummed as he landed perfectly, avoiding damage.

“Poggers.”

Phil couldn’t help but smile at his youngest son, watching as he conversed with his voices in a friendly manner. He was certainly skilled at mediating his voices, not letting them annoy him and corrupt his thoughts with their sometimes questionable suggestions. He watched as his boy collected seeds, changing course to collect skeleton bones. Before anyone knew it, tiny Tommy began obsessed with trying to use a creeper to get a disc.

Tubbo almost laughed as he watched his best friend scurry around, worry-free as he tried so hard to get a disc, determined to succeed. It was nearly sunrise when Tommy finally loosened his grip on his quest.

“I’ll read your “subs” in a minute, I need to try and kill a creeper with a skeleton. You know what? No. I’ve got my bones, that’s all I needed.”

The group was almost baffled with how tiny Tommy and his voices easily decided to drop the disc quest. Tommy’s precious discs were so close to never being discovered.

“Quick! Before you die!”

Tommy navigated through the plains, avoiding arrows and zombies as he did so. His bright blue eyes, shining with adventure and joy, widened the moment he saw the arrow kill the creeper. Cheering alongside his chat, he scurried over to put the disc, examining it. Quickly stuffing it in his inventory, he happily ran away from the mobs as he made his way back to his house, full of excitement.

“And so it begins, the beginning of the end.”

“The kid was excited to get his very own disc. I don’t understand how a kid enjoying something he worked hard to get led to all of this.”

“Because he decided that those stupid things are worth more than people! Do you know how many things we’ve lost because of them? How many canon lives were wasted because he can’t let go of them?”

“He’s a kid, Jack. He shouldn’t even have to make such a stupid decision at such an age! No one should make that decision, so stop putting this all on my son!”

Jack huffed as he crossed his arms, biting back a comeback at the sight of both Philza and Kristin’s expressions. Sharing a look with Niki, he shook his head as he turned to face the small child he despised.

Ponk smiled at the memory, amused to see the young Tommy he had met so long ago. He watched as the child grumbled to the regular chickens and his Chat, leading the regular chickens back into their pen. He remembered the simple times he had with Tommy when the boy first joined. He remembered the quarrels they had as they bordered each other. He also remembered the moments of peace the two had in their own little corner, how he’d sit against the base of his tree, listening to the discs that Tommy would put on from his side of the fence. He didn’t care much for kids, but Tommy was some form of a companion in their little corner. Letting out a snort, he shook his head as Tommy half-heartedly dissed him to his Chat, a passive-aggressive tone when Chat mentioned that they enjoyed Ponk’s voice. He didn’t even realize that missed the kid’s company until now.

“What is that growling?”

The group watched as Tommy dug into the hill, searching for the source of the undead groans. Amusement filled Sam as he watched Tommy shrugged it off, deciding to head back to his home. It wasn’t until the vast amount of clucking and moans that Tommy realized what he had come across.

“A spawner? Do you reckon?”

The boy dug into the cobblestone, excitement and pride filling him as he saw the zombie spawner. Running about in joy, he finally composed himself long enough to secure it. After he was done, he happily made his way to the chest.

“Oh, what’s in the chest? What’s in the chest-”

Tommy froze for a moment, but only a moment, before breaking out in cheers. Doing laps around the small room, he paid no mind to his cheering Chat. Laughing, he pulled out his latest find, a disc. Running his hands over its surface, he smiled as he recognized it in an instant.

“Cat! Oh, I definitely need that diamond now!”

“Where do you want to listen to the music? Here?”

Tubbo smiled as he watched his younger self walk around with Tommy, joyful. Both boys were content, not yet in the hands of unfit responsibilities. No trauma, no wars, no exile, just Tommy and Tubbo.

“I’ll make us some chairs, one sec.”

The group watched as the younger boy scurried to craft chairs, his best friend waiting as they spoke.

“Why are you following me?”

“I’m not following, I’m just watching. You’ve made us some chairs, this is nice.”

“Do you want our chairs next to each other or one block apart?”

“Uh-”

“I’ll just make us a bench.”

“Yeah, a bench.”

Tubbo and Tommy both sat down on either side of the bench, leaving room for each other to feel comfortable. Humming, Tommy set down the music box, opening up his inventory to grab a disc.

“You ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, we’re gonna start with-”

“I like the sound of this one!”

Wilbur froze at the voice, eyes widening. He ignored Ghostbur’s squeals of joy, spewing ‘awws’ and ‘how adorable!’ every chance he got. Clenching his fists, he glared at his father and brother as they perked up, eager to see a memory not familiar to them.

“You like the sound of all of them, you cheeky little gremlin.”

“Wilby! Take that back! I’m a big man!”

Wilbur smiled as sat on the couch, peering over to watch as his six-year old brother watched the disc rotate. Tommy had always loved music, always eager to listen to Wilbur play his guitar. He used to watch Technoblade play his violin, that was, until Techno dropped the hobby. Humming along to the tune, he nodded to his older brother.

“Yeah, this one. Hey, Wilbah?”

“What’s up, Toms?”

“Is it okay if I learn how to play music?”

Philza perked up at this. Music? Did Tommy learn to play music?

Wilbur feigned being in deep thought, before smiling as he tickled the boy seated next to him. Tommy giggled and squealed as he squirmed out of his brother’s grasp. Smiling, Tommy playfully stuck his tongue out at his brother, making the older boy roll his eyes. Standing up from the couch, Wilbur stopped the disc and put it back in its sleeve, much to Tommy’s disappointment. Biting his lip, he made up his mind when he held the packaged disc to Tommy. Tommy gently accepted it, eyes sparkling as he followed his brother to the front of the music shop. He watched as Wilbur paid for the disc, thanking the employee before leading Tommy out. Tommy was practically radiating with joy at this point.��

“Thank you! Thank you, thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s not a problem, Tommy.”

“Oh, I can’t wait until Dad and Techie come home tomorrow so that I can show them my new disc!”

Wilbur froze, furrowing his eyebrows as Tommy bumped into his legs. Sighing, he bent down to face his brother.

Quackity let out a nervous laugh as he pulled Karl and Sapnap close, enjoying being between the two.

“I know that look, it’s the bad news express.”

“Listen, Toms, I know you were looking forward to having those two spend the day with us tomorrow, but that’s not happening. I just got a letter from them that said that they’ll be gone longer this time.”

“Wha- but that’s not fair! It’s my birthday tomorrow! You only turn seven once, you know. They promised me!”

“I know, Tommy, I know. Oh, come here.”

Tommy bit back tears as he accepted his older brother’s embrace. Sniffing, wiped some tears away as he tried not to sob.

“They promised me, Wilbah.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? ‘S not your fault. I love you, Wilby”

“I love you more, Toms.”

Wilbur smiled as he ruffled his brother’s hair. Giving a small smile, he nodded as he motioned for him to follow.

“Come on, now. We still have your birthday party to look forward to! Besides, don’t you wanna show our new neighbors your disc?”

“Yeah! Tubbo’s gonna love it!”

Letting Wilbur carry him back to their little home on the outskirts of town, Tommy smiled as he traced his fingers along the pattern of the packaged disc. Nodding, he laid his head against his brother as he spoke up once more.

“Wilbah? What’s the name of this song?”

“Hm? Oh, that song is called-”

“-Cat.”

Silence filled the group as they turned to face the Minecraft family. Phil refused to face his sons or his wife, opting to stare at his hands. Techno kept his eyes closed, refusing to open them. Whether it was to put up a front or to be alone with his thoughts, no one knew. Wilbur and Ghostbur just stared ahead, the image of their younger brother being so small stuck in their heads. Kristin just wished that one of them would look at her. She opened her mouth to address her family, but she was beaten to it.

“You just...left them. Why?”

Phil pressed his lips together as he turned to make eye contact with Puffy, taking note of the anger in her eyes.

“I did what I thought was best at the time. It was for their own good.”

A scoff escaped from her throat as she shook her head. Puffy stood up, prepared to scold the man, only to be cut off by Tubbo.

“He waited every day for you two. He’d collect items and write down his fun moments so that he could share with you two. Tell me, Philza, Techno, when was the last time you spent a birthday with Tommy?”

They couldn’t answer him. They genuinely couldn’t remember, and that was something Tubbo already knew. They could only stay silent, could only think.

Tubbo smiled as he leaned back in his seat, humming as he watched the sky. Peering over at Tommy, he was pleased to see the relaxed and content expression that painted his friend’s face. Tommy hummed as he faced Tubbo, a genuine smile dancing on his lips. The volume of Chat themselves died down, mumbles and whispers exchanged as the voices enjoyed the tune. Turning back to face the sky, Tubbo nodded as he spoke up.

“This is nice.”

It was peaceful, beautiful even. Pure bliss and peace filled everyone as Tommy’s content feeling flooded into them, reminding them of their connection. This time was different, however. This time, they didn’t mind sharing such lovely feelings with the young boy. Everything was quiet and peaceful, and it was all thanks to the bond that was shared between two best friends. In that very moment, everything was perfect.

“All jokes aside, what actually is a fetish?”

#The Reluctant Hero's Tale #The Reluctant Hero's Tale AU #I'M BACK BITCHES WOOOOOO

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votederpycausemufins · 4 years ago

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john mulaney voice: Hey... What's [this story] is a lot LONGER than I first thought. that being said, this chapter itself is shorter than the others.

Before Tubbo could say anything, Tommy was in the air, a trail of smoke from his firework left behind. He held a sword in hand and flew towards where the summoned monsters were. As he reached them, Tommy saw another Hermit also in the air. “Scar? Did you summon these?”

“What?! I would never. I thought it was you or Grian!” The mayor responded, offended that Tommy would think such a thing of him.

“No way. How about we take care of them before we figure out who made them.” Tommy suggested and Scar nodded, the two of them diving at the withers, getting their attention and drawing their fire. It went well. Though there were three withers firing at the two of them, Scar and Tommy focused on damaging one of the three while dodging the rest of the attacks. When they killed the first one, Tommy dove to grab the nether star. He caught it before it reached the ground, but it was close enough he could see the damaged terrain. Another hermit was below, sword out as they fought someone with an axe. Someone Tommy recognized.

The wither sounds above filtered into Tommy’s mind as he remembered before. Back on the SMP. “You want to be a hero Tommy? Then die like one!” He didn’t realize his grip on the nether star loosen, or the fact that he was currently plummeting to the ground. “Chaos!” He was trying to find everyone. Where had they- “TOMMY!”

Tommy snapped out of it, looking for wherever Tubbo was, why he had shouted, and then he saw the ground. The island rushing closer towards him. He fumbled with his items before grabbing his fireworks just in time to launch himself back into the air. He stared down at the ground once more, trying to find Tubbo, before items started raining from above. “No! Scar!” And he flew back up towards the withers.

One of the withers was slowly falling back down to the ground, Scar having gotten it to half its health on his own. And that was with him not being a fighter like Tommy. He slashed at the wither until it died before flying further up and attacking the final of the monsters. It got a number of attacks to hit Tommy and the teen quickly flew higher, far enough away to quickly down some golden carrots and make sure he wasn’t killed as well. After a few more attacks, the final wither was also killed and Tommy started back down to the ground. He quickly pulled out his comm and read the death messages that were reported.

GoodtimeswithScar was shot by a skull from Wither

Keralis was slain by Technoblade

GoodtimeswithScar was slain by Technoblade

GoodtimeswithScar went off with a bang

BdoubleO100 went off with a bang

Renthedog went off with a bang

Jrumbot went off with a bang

Looking back at the ground as he put the comm away again, Tommy could see the fading colors of fireworks being launched. He dove down, even using a firework of his own to get there quicker, but as the smoke cleared, he pulled back to slow his descent. On the ground Grian was fighting Technoblade and holding his own, sword parrying the blows from Techno’s axe.

Tommy scanned the rest of the area. Tubbo was on the ground a number of blocks away, coughing from the smoke. Phil was nearby, but couldn’t move due to some of the debris managing to have landed on one of his wings. While Tommy wanted to help Grian out, he didn’t look like he needed it as much as Tubbo and Philza did, so he changed his path to go in their direction.

“Tubbo, are you okay?!” Tommy asked as he landed, quickly helping his friend up. Tubbo tried to speak, but instead it all came out as coughing. “Just go to town hall.” Tommy pointed at the large building on a nearby hill. “I know it’s gonna sound weird, but find the cat there and hold onto her for dear life! Got it?” Tubbo was hesitant at first, but then nodded and ran towards the building.

Tommy ran the opposite way over to Phil and helped him out of the rubble. He had to be a little careful with breaking everything so he didn’t hurt his dad, but it wasn’t the hardest material to deal with, so freeing the avian wasn’t too difficult of a task. “Was that Techno? How’d he get here?”

“Dunno.” Tommy answered, helping his dad to his feet. “He’s fighting Grian right now, so we better stop them.”

Phil nodded and the two of them ran towards where Grian and Techno were still fighting. Grian was looking very angry, to the point where he seemed to be using some Watcher magic at least slightly as his wings were their alternate colors and he had more than just one pair of eyes.

“It won’t matter once you’re dead!” Were the first words Tommy could make out, the sentence coming from Techno.

“I don’t plan on dying for good anytime soon. You, on the other hand, will probably wish you could die.”

“Grian!” Tommy shouted, and the Watcher looked away from Techno and up at Tommy. The piglin hybrid tried at use that as an opening to attack, but Grian hadn’t completely looked away since he could control his various eyes independently. “Techno! Stop fighting him! Even if you win it’s not going to end well!”

But Techno ignored Tommy and attacked once more. Grian pulled his shield up to block the attack, but the axe didn’t connect. In all of the commotion, no one saw someone new enter the area until now. All eyes were on Grumbot as he had stopped the axe with a hand and then pulled it out of Techno’s hands. “Hello Uncle Technoblade.”

Everything was quiet. Tommy was pretty sure the robot was doing the same thing as when Grian and Phil had been fighting, shocking them into doing nothing. But Techno wasn’t Phil. He pulled out another crossbow and aimed it at Grum. Tommy shouted as he watched as the trigger was pulled.

Tommy ran toward where they had stood. His comm buzzing in his pocket. He couldn’t see the messages, but he knew what they were.

Grumbot went off with a bang

Grian went off with a bang

Technoblade was slain by Tommyinnit

Tommy panted, unmoving as he just held his sword in place, the blade left where Techno had been standing moments before. For a moment he was glad, but then he panicked. Had Techno gone back to the SMP when he was killed? Was he back at spawn? Was he nowhere and gone from existence? His comm buzzed again and Tommy immediately pulled it out.

Xisuma was slain by Technoblade

Okay, at the very least now he knew Techno had respawned. The question is where Xisuma was. His best guess was the spawn island since at least with Tubbo, Phil and himself, they were brought by Grian. Tommy took a moment to catch his breath slightly before rocketing back up into the air and heading to spawn. On his way there, he saw a boat heading towards the main island, so Tommy dove down towards it. “Technoblade!”

The hybrid looked up just in time to see Tommy land into the boat with a ‘thunk’ making it shake and letting a little bit of water come over the sides. “Tommy.”

“Oh my god is that Xisuma’s gear?”

Techno looked down at himself before looking back to the main spawn area. “If you mean the guy that was over there when I respawned, yeah.” Techno huffed. “Now I think you should get out of this boat before I make you.”

“No. You need to hear me out first.”

“No I don’t. You were helping the guys that kidnapped you and Phil. He said that guy was a Watcher. Phil told us stories about them growing up.”

Tommy crossed his arms. “He told you and Wil those stories. He never told me any of those. Plus, they were wrong.”

“You honestly expect me to believe you after you’ve been living with them for months?” Techno growled, moving his stolen weapon closer to Tommy.

“I believe them because they’re family.”

“We’re your family Tommy.”

“So’s Xelqua.”

Techno’s eyes widened and the sword lowered just enough from his shock that Tommy quickly stole it away before showing it into the water. “Did you just say that to-”

Tommy shook his head. “No! Of course not! It’s a plus, but I’m telling the truth. Dad knows too. None of use were sure at first, not even him. Like you said, I’ve been living with them for months, but until yesterday we didn’t know.”

“Then for all we know he’s lying. Or maybe he’s not really someone to trust.”

Tommy just sighed. “Can we just fucking go back to the spawn area so X can get his shit back? While we’re there I can tell everyone else what’s going on.”

Reluctantly Techno agreed and turned the boat around just as Xisuma was arriving with his emergency bee elytra out from his suit.

“Alright, give him his fucking stuff back.” Tommy said as he pushed Techno out of the boat, making the hybrid grumble and take off the pilfered armor and other gear. “Alright then. Techno, this is Xisuma. He’s the admin of the server. He’s not like Dream but can be so much worse if you give him any reason to.”

Xisuma tilted his head slightly at the unfamiliar name, but mostly ignored it to take his items back. “I would welcome you to the server, but it seems you’ve already made yourself known.”

Techno huffed. “Yeah, just tell me where Phil is and I’ll be on my way.”

“Bitch what about Xel?”

“I doubt he wants to go back with us.”

“Hey I’m not fucking leaving. And I’m not sure Phil is either.”

“Why wouldn’t he?”

“He’ll want to stay with Grian for a bit probably.” Techno raised an eyebrow at Tommy. “He changed his name to Grian ages ago. Don’t know the full details though. He only really ever said he got bullied for it growing up and changed it in highschool or some shit.”

“Fine, I guess we’re staying here a bit.” Techno crossed his arms before getting back in the boat.

“Um, I seem to be missing my sword still.” Xisuma piped up, and Tommy jabbed his finger in the direction they came from. X nodded when he saw it floating on the surface of the water and flew over to grab the weapon.

While he did that, Tommy jumped back in the boat and rowed with Techno back to the island, going right up to Tommy’s beach area. Phil and Tubbo were both there, Tubbo with a certain gray striped cat in their lap.

The moment they reached land, Techno got out of the boat and walked over to Philza, who handed him the gear he lost when Tommy managed to kill him. “Is what Tommy said true? About Xel?”

Phil nodded. “Yeah. In fact he’s the Watcher that showed up. He’s gone through a lot since we last saw him.”

“How do we know we can trust him.”

Phil looked off to the side. “Well, he’s done better for Tommy than we did.”

The two of them were quiet to the point where Tommy broke the silence by going over to Tubbo. “Ey Tubzo, looks like you and Jellie are getting along. Very cool, very cool. She’s not upset at you bringing her along?”

Tubbo shook their head. “No, I tried to leave her back in that big building but she followed behind me.”

“Yeah, she sort of has a mind of her own. Grian’s not even completely sure she’s really a cat.” Tommy then looked up as he noticed something in the sky. “Speaking of which, looks like that’s him.”

The others also looked skyward and saw the bright red wings of Grian spread out as he was gliding. The avian noticed the group and pulled them in, diving down. However, shortly after doing that, Tommy watched as Grian pulled out a sword. The moment he landed on the ground, the blade was against Techno’s throat, Grian glaring up at his taller brother, his eyes red and puffy.

“Grian! Stop stop stop stop! That’s Technoblade, that’s Technoblade!” Tommy rushed over and tried to stop Grian but the avian pushed Tommy to the side.

“I don’t care who he is! He killed them and they’re not respawning!” Grian shouted, pressing the blade further, drawing a few drops of blood.

Tommy took a slight step back. “Wait, who? What do you mean? What happened?” But he was pretty sure he knew. Tommy saw the death messages. Scar was obviously respawning, and the other hermits would too. But two of those on the list wouldn’t.

“What are you talking about?” Techno looked down, showing no emotion to Grian.

“You killed my kids!” Grian yelled at him. “They’re dead and they’re not coming back! And it’s all your fault!”

It looked like Grian wanted to yell even more, but Philza grabbed him in a hug and the younger avian just dissolved into crying. Tommy and Techno met eyes, and even the powerful Technoblade flinched at the glare he received from his youngest brother.

Back on the SMP, Ghostbur kept floating around where the people had been before. He couldn’t quite remember why they had disappeared. He remembered something big with wings. He was pretty sure it was a giant bird. It looked kind of like his dad! And Tommy had been there too, but then everyone but Technoblade left. And then even Techno had left. Ghostbur was pretty sure he was supposed to stay there, but he wasn’t sure.

Then suddenly he felt something. As a ghost, he didn’t have access to a communicator, so the supernatural powers that allowed him to exist as a ghost also allowed him to interact with what would be the chat. So he was very aware when some people showed up. And since his friends and family had left, that had to be them coming back! It was a little strange they weren’t right there, but maybe they were just back where everyone else appears. Yeah, that was probably it!

Ghostbur went back towards spawn, ready to see Phil and Technoblade and Tommy. And he was happy to see there was someone right where there should be. Two someones in fact. But they seemed a little short. Techno and Tommy were tall, so it couldn’t be them, and Philza was short, but not that short. So that must mean it was someone completely different.

“Hello there! I’m Ghostbur!”

The two new people jumped slightly before turning to look at him. “Oh! H-Hi!”

“Who are you two? Unless we’ve already met. I don’t think we have, but I also have trouble remembering so maybe we have!”

“No, we have not met you before. I do not believe the two of us have even been to this world before. Can you tell us where we are?”

“Oh! You’re in the Dream SMP!” Ghostbur answered, just as one of the two newcomers checked what they had in place of a communicator.

Jrumbot joined the world

Grumbot joined the world

#hermit!tommy au #hermit!tommy #tommyinnit #tubbo #technoblade #grian #watcher!grian #grian xelqua #avian!Grian #goodtimeswithscar #philza #grumbot #jrumbot #ghostbur #wilbur soot

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bewaretheidesofmarchyall · 4 years ago

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Good Omens AU Part Four

It’s back. Original is here

Wilbur didn't expect to care about Tommy, but he accepted it pretty quickly.

---------

There wasn't much to bring with him the day he moved to town. After all, it wasn't like he'd actually need to renovate the house.

He stood on the curb in front of the remnants of the house that burned down a decade ago, suitcase in hand. A bit of a fixer-upper, but I can work with this.

After checking to make sure there weren't any nosy neighbors watching, he reached out to the debris.

The charred wood and scattered bricks twitched for a few seconds, before assuming the appearance of a lovely home.

A doorbell, a porch, windows in a shade of cobalt blue, and above all else the distinct feeling that Wilbur's house (and by extension, Wilbur) had been around on the block for ages.

Even if the neighbors didn't know who he was or what he did, they would have to struggle to think of him as a stranger.

And they had their own petty human lives, which didn't contain the time or energy to waste worrying about a charming new addition to the neighborhood.

Wilbur strolled into his perfectly average house, plans whirring in his head.

Showtime.

--------------

There were quite a few houses on the block, but Wilbur was only focusing on a group of three.

House #1: Tommy's home, three houses away. A simple house that contained the most important person in the world and his intimidating dad.

House #2: That Weird Guy's house, two houses away. Wilbur had no idea who That Weird Guy was, but he was apparently close friends with Tommy's dad, and even more intimidating. Wilbur wasn't sure why the kid was surrounded by people that made him worry for his life despite being immortal.

House #3: Schlatt's house, sadly next door. He didn't need additional proof that god hated him, but apparently they'd wanted to make it even clearer.

A week or so after he'd gotten settled into his new home, Wilbur decided to go outside to get a better look at the streetlamps and the night sky while trying to find his plan.

He was feeling surprisingly positive about the whole thing. Soon, he'd be changing the fate of the world.

If this didn't get him remembered after it all, nothing else would.

A hacking cough came from the porch next door, reminding him that he wasn't the only supernatural being on the block. Wilbur took a breath, trying to be civil.

Don't get distracted from the most important mission of your life because you want to murder a goat. Just walk on by. Just keep walking, and don't acknowledge his existence. You don't know him.

However, his unwanted neighbor had no qualms about acknowledging Wilbur's existence, and he'd only taken a couple of steps onto the street before Schlatt called out to him.

"Well, would you look at that: You’re finally out of the house! This is more of a miracle than anything I’ve done.".

Wilbur turned around, counting down the seconds until he could not be where he was, having this conversation.

"Schlatt, we're supposed to be undercover."

"Oh, my bad. Guess these random humans will never get to know our big secrets.". Schlatt raised his voice slightly, yelling to the deserted cul-de-sac.

"Would be a shame if someone found out that guy over there is a demon! Yeah, the jerk with the beanie's from Hell, and I'm an angel, and we're only pretending to be human because (get this) one of the little tykes on your block is actually the antichrist!".

Wilbur pinched the bridge of his nose. Was it possible to get headaches when his mind was only semi-corporeal?

"Could you kindly shut the fuck up?"

"Nope.". I mean, that's kind of on me for phrasing it as a question.

Schlatt took a break from the Annoying Wilbur Show (airs all times that he has the poor idea to go outside) to dig into more of his tomato sauce and meat wraps.

He raised the snack like it was a holy relic. Wilbur supposed that if Schlatt really wanted to, he could make it into one.

"These are Hot Pockets. I was actually planning on taking a few over to you-know-who's family as a housewarming gift, build up good favor, you know?". Suddenly, the plan clicked in Wilbur's head. He tried to keep his face neutral and concerned, with no hint of a smirk.

"Hot Pockets? I mean, are you sure?"

"What's wrong with Hot Pockets? And choose your next words carefully.". Wilbur leaned against a streetlamp, sighing in assumed pity.

"There's nothing wrong with Hot Pockets per se. They're fine, I guess.". Schlatt sputtered, offended beyond belief.

"Fine? Fine? You see before you the one thing that has made me reconsider starting the apocalypse, and you're like "eh. fine". Fuck you and your family and whatever you call taste buds. Fine? I'd tell you to go to hell, but that doesn't work, so go to New Jersey you son of a-".

This continued on for a while.

Wilbur nodded along to the tirade, maintaining a poker face. All the while, he telekinetically inched the tray of wrapped (?) Hot Pockets towards him.

The tray crept ever closer, past Schlatt's lawn chair, past Schlatt's nightmarish garden gnomes, past the freshly dug earth that definitely had a body buried under it, until it was finally within reach.

Without listening to another word, Wilbur grabbed the Hot Pockets and ran for the hills, easily outrunning the outraged angel.

Sorry, Schlatt, but you're going to have to try harder to win this game.

He sprinted to House #1 and rang the doorbell, trying to look non-suspicious. After about a minute, he got an answer from the selected father (Phil, his name was Phil).

Wilbur smiled brightly and walked into the house.

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The initial meeting went great, putting the whole "getting threatened with a knife" thing aside.

Phil seemed to appreciate the Hot Pockets and company, and Wilbur could confidently guess that he'd managed to secure a place in helping him out in the future.

Besides being good for the plan in general, he'd liked spending time around Phil and Tommy. Wilbur didn't get to talk to people a lot, and when he did it was normally trying to scam them out of their soul.

So, this was a welcome break.

And his heart definitely hadn't been warmed when Tommy had fallen asleep to the sound of his guitar. Nope. Absolutely none of that.

Phil evidently didn't see child raising as his first priority, and Wilbur found more chances to volunteer to watch his kid than he expected.

At times, he felt like he was just as much of a parent to Tommy as Phil, if not more.

Which wasn't to say that he felt any bitterness about that. Quite the contrary. Watching after Tommy was one of the best parts of his day.

Despite being a baby, the kid already had so much personality, and his little face would light up whenever Wilbur went home to House #1.

When Wilbur held the baby in his arms, he really did feel like a guardian.

The phrase "guardian angel" had stung, but he did want to shield Tommy from harm or becoming anything like him when he grew up.

Still, it's not like his heart was at all warmed when he held Tommy in his arms-Oh, screw it. His heart was warmed. He happened to care about the adorable baby that he spent a lot of time with. Go figure.

Caring wasn't interfering with his job as a protector, informant for Hell, and general influencer of evil. So, there was no purpose in denying it.

Besides the unexpected emotional attachment, nothing really changed about the general routine.

His days consisted of maintaining the glamours around his house, reading his books, writing (it turns out that an approaching Armageddon worked wonders for deadline motivation), staring at the ceiling and wondering why God had forsaken him, looking after Tommy, talking with Phil (and on occasion, That Weird Guy), giving the Lords of Hell their required project updates, and, occasionally, almost getting murdered.

One key example of the "almost getting murdered" thing happened when Tommy was around two years old.

----------------

He'd just gotten back from another meeting with the Lords (yes, Tommy is still alive. no, he isn't evil yet, seeing as he's two years old. no, that wasn't sarcasm. no, I'd actually prefer for you to not kill me for my insolence. Same old stuff.).

It was a cold yet sunny winter afternoon when Wilbur stepped out of the office building and back into the mortal world. As he made his way towards the bus station, his phone rang.

The call was from Phil, and he moved away from the middle of the sidewalk to take it, leaning against the brick wall of a building next to an alleyway.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Will, a job came up tonight without much notice. Would you be able to watch Tommy around 7-ish?"

"Sure, I can do that."

"Great, you're a lifesaver. One last thing: If Techno decides to question you about your motives and backstory, don't take it personally, he's just in one of those suspicious phases lately. Okay?".

Wilbur would have loved to agree, nonchalantly laugh it off, and quickly go over his backstory in his head again.

Unfortunately for him, there was a weapon aimed at him from the alleyway.

It would be a funny sight to the passerby to see a normal-seeming person cower in the face of a spray bottle.

Of course, the average passerby wasn't a demon.

9 times out of 10, when a spray bottle was pointed at a demon, the spray bottle was full of holy water and the demon was in for a bad time.

Wilbur stood there, frozen. The alleyway was shady, and he couldn't quite make out who was aiming the bottle at him.

Phil's voice echoed out of his phone.

"Will? Are you still there?". Wilbur tried to keep his voice steady, and he quickly responded.

"I'm here. I got it. I'll be ho-I'll be back soon. There is no need to call me back. Goodbye."

"What's that supposed to mean?". He tapped the screen, ending the call. Please, don't have me die right now. It would be annoying, not to mention narratively unsatisfying.

He looked into the alleyway, addressing whoever had seen fit to threaten him today.

"Hi there. I'm guessing that spray bottle isn't full of Sprite.".

A man in a blue onesie (Sonic the Hedgehog cosplay?) emerged from the shadows.

"Yep. I mean, it technically was Sprite until it went through the blessing process, but it's a lot holier now.". Wilbur blinked a few times in confusion.

"Connor?"

"Hey."

"What's with the outfit? Why are you threatening me in an alley? What's with the outfit?"

"Don't mock the outfit, I have it on good faith that this is the height of human fashion."

"Let me guess. Schlatt told you that.".

The onesie-clad angel stood there, realizing that taking the advice of that particular coworker probably wasn't the smartest decision he'd ever made. Eventually, he shrugged it off.

"Well, I feel resplendent, so this is a win in my book.". Wilbur tapped the bricks on the wall, almost playing a rhythm.

"Listen, Connor, if you were just going to kill me with that thing you would have already pulled the trigger. Why are you here?". Connor looked a little sheepish about the whole thing.

"The higher-ups thought that I should make you an offer you can't refuse. Basically, some intern had the bright idea that we should have Hell's guardian either agree to spy for us or die."

"You're suggesting that I become a double agent?"

"Yeah. Or die, whichever is your preference."

"I think your higher-ups underestimate my importance here. Killing me won't slow our side down by much. They'll just send another guy, and you'll have to spend more time in unpleasant alleyways."

"And someday they'll send a guy who takes our offer. Trust me, we've been planning this ever since we realized Schlatt was going to be useless down there.". Wilbur thought about it.

Killing god obviously matters more than prolonging my life. And I'm a good actor, but I don't have enough time in my life to be a triple agent.

"Come on, Connor. I thought you were one of the decent ones.". Connor half-heartedly kicked at a puddle.

His face was reluctant, but he still aimed the spray bottle with precision.

"Please tell me you're going to accept the offer?"

"You've known me for years. What do you think?"

"From what Schlatt has told me, you're too stubborn for your own good.". Wilbur laughed at that.

"Yeah. So the real question is: Can you murder me, Connor?". Connor shuffled, and the spray bottle wavered. Wilbur continued talking.

"I'm actually interested to see what you do next. You've got my full attention.". The two of them stood there, completely still. Finally, Connor pointed the spray bottle away from Wilbur and aimed for the sky.

"You've kind of made this whole thing weird, man. So, I'll give you a 15-second head start.".

Wilbur didn't waste time thanking him, and he sprinted away.

He fled through shadows and smoke, barely remembering to keep some trace of a physical body. He scrambled his way towards the bus station, reaching the glass doors.

However, that was where his luck ran out.

"Sorry, Wilbur. That's the power of the Sonic onesie: I'm really fast.".

I'm going to need to invest in a Sonic onesie. Except I can't, because I'm about to be shot. Fuck, those are terrible last thoughts.

Out of desperation, he grabbed the lid of the spray bottle and twisted it off, before punching Connor in the gut. The angel doubled over, and the holy water spilled out of the bottle.

Wilbur scrambled away from the spill, trying to keep from making contact.

He ran through the doors and into the bus station.

Some of the holy water had gotten on his coat, and he awkwardly shrugged it off in a corner, which was a shame. He'd really liked the aesthetic of having a trench coat. Sure, he could glamour another one in a few seconds, but it wouldn't feel the same.

Connor walked towards him, and Wilbur glared.

"You made me lose my trench coat!"

"Again, sorry about all of this, it was just business.". Connor held out his arm in an almost peaceful gesture.

And Wilbur, tired and overconfident, made the first stupid decision for the day. He took the peace offering and took Connor's hand.

The white-hot pain nearly knocked him to the ground.

There had been less than a drop of holy water on his hand, but it was more than enough to stop Wilbur from breathing for a few minutes.

In and of itself, that was fine. He didn't need to breathe to stay alive. All that he had to do was stay away from holy things, what had he done.

In the background, Connor was frantically apologizing and claiming that he "didn't mean to do that". Wilbur wondered distantly why he'd still be lying to him.

And here I was thinking that there were one or two decent angels. How laughable.

No one's decent 14 years from Armageddon. Not humans, not angels, and not me.

Wilbur shoved Connor away and walked up to the ticket counter.

His hands were shaking and his words all over the place, but somehow he managed to convey that he wanted to take a bus back to town and pay for it.

If I can get back to my house, I should be okay. Or, at the very least, not dead.

The bus ride was tricky. For one, part of the route was along Fundy's cursed highway (one of the demon’s more useless inventions), so things were significantly slowed down.

Also, everything felt far away and cold, and it was a bit difficult to keep focus on which stop was his.

It took far too much time to reach town, and even more to make his way back to his street.

On auto-pilot, he ended up at House #1 first, panicking slightly when neither Tommy nor Phil was inside.

Trying to keep calm, he checked House #2, and thankfully That Weird Guy (he knew his name was Technoblade, but that was a ridiculous name, and he'd been thinking of him as That Weird Guy for so long that it was hard to stop) was keeping watch over Tommy. Relief washed over him.

I don't know what I'd do if he got hurt.

That Weird Guy seemed fine with taking care of Tommy for a little longer, which Wilbur was secretly grateful for.

He also seemed convinced that Wilbur was going to pass out, which was hilarious, seeing as Wilbur didn't need to sleep or breathe unless he wanted to.

After a brief moment of rest in a bush, he made his way to his house.

He tried to unlock the door, but his hands were trembling too much to use the key, and he was seeing two locks instead of one, and he slowly slid to the ground.

Is this actually how it's happening?

I know I'm not long for this world, but I always expected a better exit. Something with fanfare and sacrifice and meaning.

Our so-called "immortality" is a conditional one. The instant we dare to touch something holy, it all goes, and there's no soul or afterlife for us castaways.

I wish I was human.

Wilbur struggled to look up at the sky.

It was still daytime, and the stars weren't out yet. That was a shame, he'd worked hard on those. He shivered.

I know we're doomed to fail come Doomsday. I know that there's no way out of Your ineffable plan. But I'm trying to make directorial choices with your script, trying to make a good story. This is a terrible ending.

It was quiet. That was probably for the best.

Do I deserve it?

Of course I do.

But I didn't always, and you're not blameless either.

I hope that Tommy's too young to remember me.

The world was cold, but peacefully quiet, and the pain was mostly beyond his reach. This wasn't bad, all things considered. Wilbur's eyes closed.

A few minutes later, he was rudely awakened by Phil shaking him.

"Are you okay? I mean, obviously you’re not, but can you stand?". He opened one eye.

"I'm fine.". Phil laughed at that. Part of Wilbur considered laughing along, while what was left of his common sense informed him that Phil sounded like he was laughing out of shock.

"Fine? Will, there were a few seconds where I thought you were dead!"

"Well, as you can see, I'm not. If you could just unlock the door, that would be great.". The door unlocked behind him.

He struggled to rise to his feet, and Phil caught his arm, supporting him.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"Minor business conflict."

"There is a hole in your hand.”

"That happens at my job sometimes. I'm in the mafia."

"Have you considered other career options?"

"The insurance benefits are too good.". Phil set Wilbur down on a couch and left the room. As was to be expected.

Wilbur reached under the couch cushions to grab a hidden cigarette lighter.

He had no intention of smoking while bleeding out, obviously.

The cigarette lighter had been modified slightly, another one of Fundy's inventions.

The fire of the lighter was no regular thing, but rather hellfire. Hopefully, that would be enough of a cure.

The warmth of the hellfire slowly and painfully chipped away at the ice and purity, and he took a few seconds to internally mock god.

Maybe a bit of a hubris-related thing to do, but Wilbur was glad to live another day, and that meant spite.

For whatever reason, Phil stuck around to make sure he was okay.

Wilbur hadn't quite expected that.

He wasn't in the best state, but Phil seemed to believe that it was better for him to be talking than unconscious.

So, in a half-delirious state, he rambled about mercy, and free will, and falling.

And when he whispered that he missed flying, he could have sworn that Phil agreed.

----------------------

Anyway, aside from dramatic moments like those, life was okay.

Wilbur was there for every milestone in Tommy's life, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

He was there for his first few words when Tommy was a baby (the first word was "kaboom", but the second was "Wilby").

He was there for his first steps, and once Tommy learned to walk there was no stopping him from running everywhere.

He was there for preschool graduations and first days of kindergarten and beyond.

-----------------------

Of course, Wilbur's job was to teach the kid to want to kill god, and he tried to do that too.

From the moment Tommy learned how to read, Wilbur kept trying to get him to read Paradise Lost. Sadly, he was six and Milton wasn't to his taste at the moment.

Wilbur wasn't sure how well he did on that front, but he tried.

Either way, he wasn't sure if he raised a suitably evil kid, but he raised a good one.

Not good as in morally, obviously. Tommy was still a rascal at times, but he was the rascal that Wilbur cared about.

-----------------------------

Wilbur was the one to teach him how to ride a bike.

Tommy was so determined to learn how to do it, and he kept getting up even when his knees were scratched up from crashing.

When putting on band-aids, sometimes Wilbur would slightly heal him. Not so much that he wouldn't know to be careful, but just enough to ease the pain a bit.

Wilbur also taught him other valuable life skills like lock picking, lying, good taste in music, and how to pick pockets. The stuff every kid needed to know!

His reports to the Lords of Hell became less clinical, and more chatting about Tommy finally figured out how to ride a bike, and he's getting good grades in language arts, and he likes musicals too, and he's such a wonderful kid.

They'd mostly stare in confusion, and awkwardly ask him how that was helping Satan.

--------------------------

And he knew that every birthday meant that the two of them were one year closer to Doomsday.

And he knew that he wasn't going to survive Doomsday.

Wilbur had a feeling since the moment he first fell that he'd have to redeem himself or go out in a blaze of glory. And, frankly, he felt too bitter towards his creator to aim for a redemption arc.

So, when Tommy turned eight, he knew that he had eight years left to live.

And when he was ten, he knew he had six, and so on.

That didn't stop Wilbur from baking a cake for him and singing.

He cared about Tommy quickly, and he later grew to care for Phil, and maybe even he would be vaguely upset if That Weird Guy died.

Wilbur couldn't call this place a home, and he couldn't say they were his family, but it was the closest he'd ever gotten to that sort of thing.

And sometimes, he could fool himself into thinking it could stay like this.

-------------------------

Once, he'd made the mistake of trying to taunt Schlatt about it.

They'd been talking, and Schlatt made one too many jabs about how he spent his days babysitting.

He'd mocked the patch that Tommy had clumsily sewed into his new trenchcoat, and Wilbur got a bit annoyed.

"At least I've been doing my job and spending time with the antichrist! You've been completely useless down here, just sitting around in that lawn chair and drinking. I mean, it makes everything easier for me, but the fact still remains that I've been getting stuff done while you've been treating this like a paid vacation.".

Schlatt looked him dead in the eyes, setting down his glass.

"You think that you were smart, getting close to their family? Turning up the charm, making friends, stealing my goddamn Hot Pockets (which I'm still mad about)?". He laughed in his face.

"Wilbur, you're a fucking moron. You say that I haven't spent enough time around the family? You've spent way too much, and it's given you a bleeding heart."

"I don't have a-"

"Tommy's going to die in six years, you know. Kid's cute, but he's not going to survive the end of the world. He's a child, and God is God, and he's going to get smote like burnt chicken. It's just the facts.". Wilbur recoiled from him, hissing his next words through his teeth.

"Shut up."

"Did you even think about anything besides your own stupid martyrdom? Or were you too busy playing house and getting attachments? Face it, Wilbur: It's lunchboxes today, graves tomorrow.".

For once, Wilbur had nothing to say. No clever response, nothing. Just pure panic.

He touched the patch on his trench coat covering his heart, looking to the sky.

Please. I know you're a bastard. I know you hate me, and I hate you, and that can't change. But if you gave me some sign, some promise that you wouldn't hurt Tommy, I'd do anything.

As always, there was no response.

-----------------------------

Wilbur cared about Tommy, and he knew, and even if it was a weakness he couldn't stop.

All of Tommy's family cared about him, wanting him protected and alive.

But Schlatt?

Schlatt didn't give a damn about Tommy, and he never would.

There was no care weighing him down. And that meant that he had infinitely more options than everyone else.

#dream smp #dsmp #good omens au #beware the drafts of march #c!wilbur #sbi #sbi family dynamic #writing #fan fiction #wilbur soot

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pocketmouse18 · 3 years ago

Text

Thank you so much to @herosofmarvelanddc @cloudypaws and @mtab2260 for the tag! This was so much fun to think about :)

(fair warning, I wrote too much for many of these...)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Just 2 :)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

450,577 if I did my math right!

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Officially? Just 1 - Agents of Shield (two, I guess, if you count MCU as separate, since I use characters from both...). Off the record, many more than that! I have lots of bits and bobs from other fandoms that I tinkered with when I was younger, still getting the hang of writing, not brave enough to post things, etc. etc. Some of those include X-Men, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, the Fosters, Star Wars, the Hunger Games, the 39 Clues, and a few others I can’t remember. None of those will likely see the light of day, mostly because they’re unfinished, not very good, and just not reflective of who I am as a writer anymore, but they were fun to play around with at the time :)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I just have the two, but The Important Thing is to Try wins, hands down, with 1227. Shoulder to Shoulder has 95, though, which I’m also very proud of! Important Thing has a definite advantage, being as long as it is, so I don’t know if that’s really a fair comparison between them.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes! Or at least, I always try to! I just can’t believe someone would be kind enough to take the time to tell me what they thought of my story, so I always want to take the time to thank them and return the favor :) Plus, as I’ve learned, it’s a fantastic way to get to know some really lovely people!

6. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Well... I technically only have one story that has an ending, at least on Ao3, and it’s not an especially angsty one, since it ends in Phil and Melinda getting married :) I have some angsty chapter endings in Important Thing, if that counts? I’m not even sure if any of my unpublished fiddlings have angsty endings (most don’t have endings at all lol)... I don’t mind writing angst, but I don’t know if I’m capable of making something without a happy (or at least hopeful) ending.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've ever written?

Not really, unless you count AoS/MCU crossovers (which I guess technically count, but also I would argue it’s not a true crossover since (and I will die on this hill) AoS is a part of MCU canon). When I was younger I was a fan of playing around with crossover AUs more so than the actual characters crossing paths (so like, what if these characters from XYZ were demigods or went to Hogwarts or what have you, and not so much what would happen if the X-Men met Luke, Leia, and Han on one of their space adventures). I started writing a crossover between AoS and the Marvel Rising cartoon once (which again, not sure if that’s a true crossover, since Daisy was in Marvel Rising, but I digress), where Coulson tasks Daisy to work with Kate Bishop and Rayshaun Lucas to collect and train a team of young Inhumans, starting with Kamala Khan, but I ran out of steam pretty quickly when it got too plot heavy.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don’t think so. I’ve had some people not understand some choices that I made, but they asked it in a way that I thought was perfectly nice, and I was happy to talk about it with them. Sometimes people get “mad” at me when I cause pain and suffering, but I know that’s all in good fun :)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope, not for me. I don’t read it or write it, personally. Writing a kiss is hard enough!

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge! Important Thing is probably too long and unwieldy to ever steal :P

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Someone once asked me on FFN if they could translate Important Thing to Russian, which was basically the coolest thing I’ve ever been asked!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A fic, no. I’d love to try sometime! I had a friend in college who I co-wrote with A LOT, though, so I know I enjoy that process, given the right partner. We wrote several short plays together (ranging from ~15-50 minutes in length, including one that we wrote in a single afternoon!), selected scenes from a larger (unfinished) play inspired by historical letters we found in an archive that were sent between a man from Massachusetts serving in the American Civil War, his wife, and his 8-year-old son, and several scripts for TV sitcoms (2 pilots for 2 different shows, plus additional eps for those pilots, and a couple of later eps for a different show that a classmate of ours wrote the pilot for - we were trying to practice what it would be like to be on a staff with a showrunner haha). The sitcom scripts in particular I’m very proud of, and could talk somebody’s ear off about if asked (one’s about ghost hunters and one’s about a DnD party!), but maybe that’s better saved for another post ;)

13. What's your all-time favorite ship?

That’s a very hard question for me! Mostly because shipping stuff is usually one of the last things to register for me when I’m thinking about shows/books/movies I like haha... I’m always a sucker for Philinda, and younger me was rather taken with Percabeth, I suppose.

14. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Hmm, several, really. The aforementioned AoS/Marvel Rising crossover I think could be really cool if I got it to work, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen. I also have a WIP that’s like an angstier version of a Hallmark Christmas movie AU where Daisy has to come home to her small town right before Christmas and figure out what she wants out of life, but I’m a little stalled out on that one, mostly because I’m waffling on who the charming love interest should be and because I don’t have enough of a plot, just lots of feelings about coming back home to a place you thought you had left behind lol.

I’d put Important Thing and it’s (as of yet) untitled sequel on here as things I want to finish, but I’m much more determined to see those through, so I don’t think they qualify for the “never will actually write” part of this question :)

15. What are your writing strengths?

I don’t know if other people agree with this, but I think I write pretty decent dialogue. My “training” (if you can call it that) is in, as you might have figured out by now, script and screenplay writing (those were the only creative writing classes I took in college). So having a sense of the rhythm a conversation needs to have and how to write dialogue that sounds mostly like how people really talk (but shined and tightened up enough so that it’s not actually like verbatim dialogue, which is far less interesting to read!) is something that I feel like comes pretty easily. I also think I do okay with similes and metaphors - my brain tends to work in that way. It’s easier for me to think of stuff (feelings, especially) in terms of comparing it to more familiar things than to just think of the thing directly, if that makes sense?

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

If I was being honest, this would be a very long section, but I know it’s not fun to read a big ol’ paragraph of someone self-criticizing, so I’ll keep it to one or two items ;) A big one for me is pacing, I think. I tend to write more than I need to and to over-explain things, so my chapters get very long and sometimes don’t really go anywhere? Until all of the sudden, they DO, because things need to HAPPEN! I’m a pretty rigorous self-editor, but I do have a really hard time cutting out sections (unless they’re really just not working), so even if it would help the pacing to leave out this conversation between character A and character B, I often can’t make myself cut it. I also think I struggle sometimes with balancing my ‘showing’ and my ‘telling,’ especially in the sense of me over-explaining certain things - like when it comes to feelings/facial expressions/etc, for example. I compensate for that in Important Thing by making it a part of a few people’s POV, but it’s not really a good habit to have in general. Also spelling! I’m really bad at spelling and run my stuff through robust spellchecks and text-to-speech before I post anything to make up for it :)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I do it with some regularity, although I always get nervous about doing it wrong! It’s hard to avoid in AoS, where characters are spies and should (in theory, at least) have a working knowledge of multiple languages (”We’re spies, I thought we all learned languages?!”). Even in an AU, where characters aren’t spies, I like to try and pay homage to that, plus pay homage to certain characters’ native languages or just general multilingualism. I’ve spent a fair amount of time around people who speak more than one language, so I feel like it’s a natural part of groups of people to have more than one language spoken. I have a pretty good handle on written Spanish, a patchy idea of French, plus I know some Russian phrases from my dad and some German words from my grandfather, but I do rely on internet translation a lot. I usually run stuff through google, then run it backwards to see just how far off the initial translation was, then consult some actual, like, language learning sites to see if there’s particular idioms or common phrases that use different words than what google will give me, then run those words through backwards in the place of the original words to see if I can massage the whole thing to sound reasonably competent. Languages like Russian or Mandarin (which have their own alphabets/characters) are the hardest, since I have to also try and do a transliteration. I always try to put an apology/disclaimer in the notes any time I write in a language that isn’t English, because I’m sure I make lots of mistakes.

Also, I tend not to italicize words that are in other languages, because it looks weird on the page to me to set the other language apart like that (and because I italicize mainly for internal thoughts or emphasis, and usually what’s being said in another language isn’t internal or being emphasized). I put a rough translation at the end so we don’t have to pause the story for a parenthetical translation, but because the translation’s not right there, I try to either put in enough context clues that a person can still understand what’s going on, or I make sure that what’s written in another language isn’t critical to the overall understanding of the scene.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Officially, it’s AoS, since that’s the only fandom I’ve published for. I think the first true fandom I wrote fic for was probably either Harry Potter (entirely populated with OCs lol, I just liked using the world/setting), Percy Jackson (a mix of OCs and canon characters), or X-Men (all canon characters). I was a bit of a latecomer to fanfiction, though, like, I wrote a ton as a kid, but mostly original stuff, because I didn’t know that fanfiction in its current form was even allowed until I was in high school lol.

Oh! I almost forgot one! I’m not sure if this really counts as a fandom, but it’s definitely the earliest version of fanfic I wrote haha... I was like 12 and I wrote more than one story of an OC joining Robin Hood’s band of Merry Men, and then also one of that same OC becoming a knight of the Round Table, so like... do what you will with that information haha.

19. What's you're favorite fic you've written?

I can’t choose between my two darlings :( I mean, okay, technically it’s probably Important Thing. That story’s my baby. It’s huge and I’ve been working on it for almost 2 years, and I’ve poured a lot of my heart and soul into it. I’ve fallen in love with the universe I built in it, so much so that I wrote an entire prequel and have very concrete plans for a lengthy sequel. But I can’t not crow about Shoulder to Shoulder (the aforementioned prequel!), too... I’m just really proud of that one - it has a lot of firsts for me. First completed story. First romance-focused story. First foray into expanding the Important Thing universe. But yes, if I have to choose, then Important Thing wins. That’s a story that I started writing exclusively for myself - to give myself characters I could relate to and to explore a style of AoS fic that I loved reading - and that’s a story I will always and forever be proud of.

I think most people have probably answered this tag game at this point, so I don’t want to accidentally retag anyone! If you haven’t yet, and would like to join in, please do! This is your invitation <3

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selfshipstuff · 4 years ago

Note

💡 give me all the fandoms ~Audrey

SBDJSJS ALL OF THEM???? I MEAN I GUESS IF YOU'RE SURE??

@tsundere-doods

ARROWVERSE (The Flash, Arrow, Supergirl)

In all Arrowverse AUs, my SI is a metahuman from Earth-1 with energy-based powers. I primarily exercise control over electricity, movement, and gravity, but with practice I could probably expand my repertoire to include light, heat, elasticity, radioactivity, sound-- all sorts of things. During my time on Teams Flash and Arrow, I go by the moniker Switchboard, and then in my Team Arson AU, Lonnie and Astra (@astralshipper) call me Sparks.

In The Flash, my primary f/o is Cisco Ramon, and we have that best friends to lovers thing going on. I also love Becky Sharpe, although I don’t talk about her much! She’s girlfren, and I’m poly with the two of them in my Flash-centric Arrowverse AU-- she’s not dead, hush, I save her life and canon can eat my entire ass tbh.

I don’t have a romantic f/o on Arrow, but John Diggle is like a brother to me. I don’t have an AU that focuses solely on Team Arrow, because it’s not a primary thing for me, but when I’m on the team, it’s because I’m taking a break from Team Flash.

In my Supergirl-centric AU, instead of joining Team Arrow after leaving Team Flash, I actually use some of Cisco’s tech to hop on over to Earth-38 to make a new life for myself. Eventually, I end up helping out Team Supergirl, because once you start superheroing it’s not really something that has an off switch, and that’s how I meet Winn Schott. He and I click almost immediately and we have a best friends to lovers type thing similar to what Cisco and I had. I also have a small crush on both Lena Luthor and Mon-El, but I haven’t decided if I’m gonna do anything about it yet.

Finally, there’s the Team Arson AU, which isn’t really based on any of the shows in particular, but rather on one of the villains of Arrow: specifically, Lonnie Machin. This AU starts after I leave Team Arrow because of Oliver, John, and Felicity’s actions toward the newer team members; incensed by the hypocrisy of my fellow heroes, I run into Astra (@astralshipper) and Lonnie, who have turned into sort of an anti-hero team, and I join forces with them. This sometimes leads to problems when my ex-teammates come after us, but we handle it.

And last but not least, I actually forgot to mention, but there is an offshoot AU of the Team Arson storyline; it doesn’t have a catchy name, so I just call it the Team Arson and Michael AU, because it’s essentially the same thing as the regular Team Arson one except it incorporates Michael Collins from The Uniques as a new hero. In this AU, I eventually leave Team Arson to form a power-couple duo with Michael and go back to being a hero, mostly.

AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER (A:TLA)

Not totally sure what my whole deal is going to be here, but I’m definitely an airbender. I know in canon they’re wiped out, but I’m just saying, there could definitely be a few in hiding; who’s to say all of them were at the air temples when the Fire Nation attacked? The air nomads were a highly mobile people, so yeah, while those were the hubs of activity, I don’t see it being where every single one of them would’ve been.

Anyway, I don’t have a romantic f/o in this series, but the Gaang in general is just a little family I’d like to be a part of. In particular, Aang has little brother vibes, and I’m definitely gonna take him under my wing; I think it would be good for him to have another airbender around, and it would be cool to see how a traditional air nomad would interact with one whose views and values have been shaped by a century of other cultures dominating the world. It’s definitely sad, because cultural loss is a huge part of genocide, but it would be neat to see how the surviving families passed down that culture and mixed it with that of the world around them. Like, it would be a little bit of home for Aang, but also sort of like... a hope for something new, I guess? I dunno, I’m spitballing here

CRIMINAL MINDS

My SI timeline isn't the most well-defined for this one yet, but one thing I've decided on is that I pretty much end up adopting, fostering, and taking in kids that need help. Currently, it's sort of just... been the kids that are victimized during the team's cases, but that's a byproduct of the source material rather than a conscious decision.

In Criminal Minds, I ship with Spencer Reid and Emily Prentiss, who are my boyfriend and girlfriend, respectively; we’re poly, but they’re not dating each other. They are queerplatonic, though! Fun fact, I’ve adopted Hotch and Rossi as my dads; Hotch is the primary father figure, and Rossi was kind of like, uncle vibes? Until I realized how much romantic tension there is between the two of them, and now he’s like, stepdad. Hotch already sees Spencer as a son, and he’s close with Emily, so this works out really well.

EVER AFTER HIGH

In EAH, I’m the eldest child of the White Rabbit-- yes, the one you know from the story of Alice in Wonderland. (Don’t ask how that works, because I don’t know.) Anyway, I was born and raised in Wonderland, along with my younger sister, Bunny. (Yes, her name is Bunny Rabbit.) Things were alright until sometime in my early teens when the Evil Queen tried to basically destroy the world of wonder; it was crazy and chaotic, and very few Wonderland folk managed to escape to Ever After before the Brothers Grimm closed the portals between the two worlds. I was among the handful that escaped: my sister, father, and friends were not. I was all alone in an unfamiliar world, and man, was that scary. Luckily, I was still school-aged, so it was easy enough to get a place to stay at the Grimms’ school-- Ever After High.

I’ve got crushes on Raven Queen, Alistair Wonderland, Dexter Charming, Chase Redford, Northwind, and Cedar Wood, but no established romance.

HARRY POTTER

Okay, so there are a few different timelines and AUs for this franchise. We’ll start with the most established one. Obviously, I’ve got the obligatory AU where I’m there for everything from the very beginning, but there’s also one I thought of back in middle school which goes something like this: I’m newly orphaned, so I’ve been sent to live with a relative in the UK. It’s the year of the Quidditch World Cup, not that I know anything about it, because my parents were Muggles and so is the great-aunt-twice-removed or whomever it is I now live with. I’m out for a walk, trying to clear my head and familiarize myself with the new neighborhood; out the back of the house, there’s a forest in the distance, hills, and marshland which seem suitably spooky and melancholy for my mood, so I head out exploring that way. After a while, I hear noise, like celebration and shouting, so I head over to check it out and stumble across the tent-grounds for the World Cup.

Obviously, it’s a lot to take in at once, because it’s clearly magic-- but I’ve always believed in magic, in a sense. So I just grin and start exploring, getting friendly with the kids my age in the area, lie to the adults when they ask where my parents are (”oh, our tent is over there”) and nobody even thinks twice about my accent because people from all over the world are here for the event. Of course, I’m only 15, and eventually I run into one of the people who actually coordinates the grounds, so I’m found out fairly easily; cut to me being interrogated and scared half to death by the magical authorities before who else but Dumbledore swoops in and quietly talks to them. It’s a lot, and it’s too quiet for me to hear all of it, but I manage to take away something about me obviously being magic if I found the place-- and then suddenly, this old man is offering his hand and escorting me out, telling me about a whole other world I didn’t know I could be a part of.

I do go to Hogwarts, and I have to do a LOT of remedial studying to catch up to the other students, but it helps that I love to read about magic and studying over the summer isn’t a problem.

In some AUs, I’m poly with Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley; in others, I’m with Fred and George Weasley. Sirius Black ends up taking me under his wing along with Harry, and he doesn’t die in my canon-- neither does Fred, Remus Lupin, or Tonks.

I also have a pretty big crush on Newt Scamander from Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, but I haven’t got my AU timeline figured out for him yet.

MCU

Agents of SHIELD: This show is a separate AU from my other Marvel stories, but I have the same energy powers as usual. Basically, I’m an Inhuman on SHIELD’s watchlist for a long time, even before they know what Inhumans are; unlike some of the other individuals on the list, I’m friendly, cooperative. I consult on cases from time to time, mostly as needed until Phil Coulson starts putting together his dream team: that’s when he reaches out to me, asks me to be a permanent consultant to his team. I’m sort of hesitant, because permanence is restrictive when it comes to organizations like his, but I agree on my own terms. I find myself fitting in and warming up to the team more than I thought I would, and I even find myself crushing on Fitz and-- to a lesser extent-- Skye. When she gets her powers, it’s frickin’ neat as hell, but I end up fighting with the team for treating her so poorly afterward.

Spider-Man (Tom Holland): Originally, I’m not even in New York, but rent in our area is going up, and the frequency with which certain areas in NY get destroyed leads to their rent actually being more appealing in an attempt to get people to move back. So, with everything going on, my family weighs their options and we move. It’s the end of summer when we get there, and it’s a different school district, so they make me take all sorts of tests to see where I’ll best fit in-- eventually, they put me into some prestigious school my parents are thrilled about and which I’ve never heard of. Of course, I’m much more thrilled after the first week or so: the classes are more engaging, and the students seem to know their stuff. Other than the classist rich kids, it’s paradise for nerds! And that’s before I develop a crush on a classmate (Peter Parker) and start paying attention to news about a local superhero. Around this time is when my powers start to show themselves; sparks fly, literally, and I find myself getting done with things faster than anyone else. It all comes to a head when, on my way home from school, someone falls from the upper floor of a building and I somehow manage to slow their fall so they land safely. Thoroughly freaked out, I start experimenting with my powers, seeing what I can do-- eventually, I put together my own suit and start helping out the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. (We end up dating out of costume.)

MIRACULOUS LADYBUG

So, in the ML universe, I’m an American exchange student in Paris, and I end up figuring out the identities of the local heroes fairly quickly, which leads me to help out in the crises a lot more. After a while of this, Master Fu decides to gift me with the Mouse Miraculous, which has a different power than in canon, because I developed this before the debut of Kwami Buster and honestly I kind of think Multimouse has a stupid power? Anyway, as Souris Gris, I have the power of stealth. I realize pretty quickly that my accent is gonna be an easy identifier, so I take up Langue des Signes (French Sign Language, or LSF) to use while transformed-- as a bonus, it adds to the stealth thing. Meanwhile, as my civilian self, I’m still adjusting to using conversational and situational French 24/7.

Adrien Agreste (also known as Chat Noir) is my primary f/o from this, but there’s also an AU where we’re poly with Marinette Dupain-Cheng (also known as Ladybug), who we’re both dating.

OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB (OHSHC)

Okay, in the past with this one I’ve 100% focused on the romance, so I’m gonna make something up on the spot. I still would’ve been born to a lower middle-class family in Midwestern America-- flyover country-- but at some point in my youth, a family member wins the lottery-- literally, and not just as a figure of speech. It’s a big one, and instead of spending it, they invest; as I grow up, things start to look up for us. I’m a creative kid, and I’m bugging my parents to let me design and make my own books, games, and toys. Eventually, they cave, and that’s the story of how I become a “self-made” millionaire.

At first, the products only really sell in North America, until a knock-off line comes out in Japan, and we release them there to curb the competition. The sales skyrocket in the Japanese isles and surrounding countries, so sometime in my preteens, my family moves to Japan to better oversee the majority of the business. After a lot of private tutoring and language classes, I beg my parents to let me go to a real school. Now, my parents, who are quickly becoming the snooty rich folks they used to curse, take some convincing, but we finally agree as long as they choose the school, which is how I end up enrolled at Ouran Academy.

I eventually find myself meeting the host club and befriending them, which... also leads to me dating Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, the notorious twins. We’re all lowkey crushing on Haruhi, but none of us do anything about it.

THE UNIQUES

I still haven’t decided how I end up on the team to begin with, but I do know that my powers are pretty much the same in The Uniques as they are in the Arrowverse. (This is mostly because that’s my default when it comes to superpowers. Energy powers are frickin’ neat, okay?) Again, they primarily cover electricity, movement, and gravity, but in this universe I also have a little more experience bending light and manipulating heat.

One of my f/os from this is also mentioned in the Arrowverse section because of an AU, and that’s Michael Collins. He and Scout are my boyfriends, and they’re best buds. The rest of the team (the New Guard) are our best friends, so they’re platonic f/os.

WALKYVERSE (It’s Walky!, Shortpacked!)

Technically, the Walkyverse also includes Roomies!, which comes before It’s Walky! sequentially, but I don’t even really think about that part of the comic tbh. Basically, I’m an alien abductee, so I have powers-- neat!-- and I’m an agent of SEMME-- less neat. We’re a secret government agency fighting a hostile race of aliens known only as “aliens”, which I guess are separate from other extraterrestrial races because Martians are specified as a separate race within the comic...? Anyway. I’m a SEMME agent, and I have enhanced abilities like super-strength due to my status as an abductee. Originally, I was a part of a different squad, but a mission went south, leaving me as the only surviving member.

By the time the retrieval unit showed up, most of my teammates were already dead, and I was just barely holding up a fallen building which would have crushed me had I let go. Upon my return to SEMME HQ, I was asked to wait outside an office for a moment while the Big Boss and some poor agent tasked with debriefing him duked it out behind the closed doors. There were whispers about me, being the sole survivor of my unit and having held up a building, and people had their suspicions, but it didn’t matter. The fact was that I was the only agent that had made it through a suicide mission, which is a feat in and of itself, disregarding the valuable intel I had gathered; Big Boss eventually reassigned me to Squad 128, the most infamously effective team on payroll, and sent me off to get checked out by medical.

My main f/o in Walkyverse is Mike Warner, a fellow SEMME agent and abductee. I’m also FWB with the titular character before he gets married-- David Walkerton (Walky)-- and Marcie.

#mine #si: why are you me? i'm me #self insert writing #selfship writing #self ship writing #yes im putting these in the tags and yall can suffer thru it with NO read more

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years ago

Text

Survey #205

forget picking song lyrics, i’m going the hell to bed now.

Do you live by yourself? I live with my mom. Do you like cleaning? Does anyone???? Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I've never watched the series; not even a single movie, actually. So I don't have an opinion. Do you watch PewDiePie? Extremely rarely. He's funny, but I'm not interested in his channel's content anymore. Do you like "Despacito?" My sister showed it to me once when she learned I'd never heard it, and I found zero appeal in it whatsoever. Do you play Pokemon Go? It's a brilliant idea, and I really do wish I could play it, but here where I live, there are like ZERO PokeStops (where you get Pokeballs), even in cities, so it's pretty much impossible. Did you ever color your hair pink? No. Do you like Dr. Phil? I don't watch the show and don't know him as a person. Do you prefer to be inside or outside? Inside. Do you eat meat? Sadly. I'm HOPEFULLY quitting when I get to the weight I want; I wasn't getting the nutrients I needed when I was vegetarian to where my body was desperately clinging to what it had or something like that (basically, my weight wouldn't budge in a couple of months), but even still, I don't know if I could do it without depriving myself again. I'm just such a picky eater. Do you need to do the dishes? Yeah. Not desperately, but. Are you scared of clowns? No. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? *checks* A very impressive 66. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you salt your popcorn? Yes. Do you like McDonald's? Don't even lie to me, you'll eat there. I don't mind it at all. Do you have a Steam account? Yes. Do you like gaming? Not as much as I used to, but yes. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No. I don't consider jumpscares to be genuinely "scary," but rather a natural reaction to surprise, but FNAF's are intense, and I know they'd have me jumping like crazy. That aside, the games aren't of my personal appeal to actually play (though it's a fun game to watch). Do you like horror movies? Yes. Do you like chicken nuggets? I love me my chicken nuggies hunty. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yes. Can you twerk? I don't know and don't care to. Do you like dabbing? It looks stupid to me. The meme of it makes me laugh, though. What was the last country you visited? I've never left the country. Do you know your phone number? No, actually. It is incredibly difficult for me to memorize sequences, and besides, it's not like I give out my number almost ever. Do you swear in front of children? No. What’s your opinion on Brexit? Shit, I don't even remember what it's about. So obviously I can't have an opinion. It doesn't affect me, anyway. If you want children, what are some of your reasons for wanting them? N/A When you cook a dish that has beans in it, do you prefer to use canned or dry beans? I don't cook, and you'll never see me willingly eat a bean. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? The two that sharply stand out to me are dissecting an owl pellet in elementary and a frog in middle school. Both were SO cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Excitement. After finishing a bowl of cereal, do you drink the leftover milk? Only ever if it's Cinnamon Toast Crunch that I ate. And even then, only sometimes. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done? Overdosing. What’s the most severe allergic reaction you’ve ever had to something? Nothing severe, besides pollen allergies flaring up. What’s your favorite sub-genre of rock? Hard. Who was the last person to get frustrated with you, and why? Mom, but she was more than frustrated. We were having a serious fight about her attitude towards Dad and his wife. What’s something that makes absolutely zero sense to you? Anti-vax shitlords. What’s your phone background? Lock screen is Darkiplier, home screen is Sara kissing my forehead. :'> Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. Do you have a fitness tracker? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? A billion cats, dogs, snakes, lizards, rats, gerbils, guinea pigs, rabbits, fish, box turtles, hermit crabs... and probably more. How well do you understand economics? Have you ever taken an econ class? Not well at ALL. I had one my senior year. What was the last fruit you ate? I had two bites out of a watermelon 'cuz I was really hungry, but we didn't really have anything as a snack. (I fast daily, so I have to watch when my meals are.) I'm not a big watermelon fan, but I hadn't tried these cubes before, and at least it was something. Can you remember your first day of school? I believe I can very faintly... very faintly. I think I had a complete breakdown because of my insane separation anxiety regarding my mom, or it was the complete opposite... alskdfjaweiajr it's like I can kinda see it in the back of my head, but it's super blurry. What’s your favorite movie? The Lion King. It was my favorite as a kid and became so again as an adult just truly acknowledging how damn good and meaningful it is. Plus the soundtrack was a banger. Would you rather jump out of an airplane or go scuba diving? Scuba diving. Do you get bored looking at other peoples’ holiday pictures? Eh. If it's a whole lot, yes, but as a photographer, I enjoy noting which ones I like and why I favor them. Do you give money to charity? Not currently, no. I have no money to give. When I do have a paying job, I plan on definitely donating any time Mark does a charity stream. Are you more into music or movies? Music, easily. When was the last time you went to a swimming pool? WOW. It's been years. Either when I still lived in the apartment or once at Colleen's in-laws', I can't remember which was last. Would you rather have a pet snake or a pet turtle? I have a snake, and I'll take another for sure. Have you ever seen a band live? Who was the last you saw? Just Alice Cooper. Ma and I are seeing Ozzy next year (if the poor man ain't dead), tho!!!! And he's gonna be with Judas Priest and Megadeth. We are NOT going to survive. Do people who use massive amounts of emoticons annoy you? Yes. Emojis, more specifically. If you're writing a sentence and you use an emoji after each and every goddamn word, it drives me up a wall. What was the last clothing item you bought? Underwear, I believe? Or a bra? What does your washing powder smell like? Idk. Normal? Do you have a dishwasher or do you do dishes by hand? By hand, which I cannot explain how much I loathe. It feels disgusting. Are there any cobwebs in your room? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever used a pick-up line and had it work? Ew, I'd never use one to begin with. Have you ever entered a modelling competition? Would you? No to both. The current modelling industry is so, so harmful. Did you keep any drawings/stories from when you were younger? Like around two years ago, I remember going on a mass destruction episode of those super old things, as they embarrassed me horribly, even though I know it had no real reason. Just everything I create embarrasses me. My mom has old school stuff, though. Who did you last have an argument with? Mom today. When was the last time you cooked for yourself? If you include putting things in the microwave with few steps... not that long ago. Maybe two days back. Do you have a safe? Mom does. When was the last time you saw a relative? Mooonths ago when Grammy and her husband were driving through. My brother and his son are visiting real soon, though!! Do you shout out the answers at quiz shows? Yes, lol. Have you ever been in a TV audience? I've been to like three-four hockey games, so yeah. Have you ever entered the lottery? Won anything? No. Well, Mom or Dad would rarely get those scratch-off tickets at random, but the most we've ever got was just like five bucks or so. Do you prefer crosswords or word searches? Word searches. Have you ever drawn on a wall in your house? No. Do you like making collages? No. Have you ever kept a scrapbook? Yeah. What’s your favorite video-game? Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus. Sigh, I want a PS4 SO bad to get the SotC remaster. I actually teared up when I saw the opening cutscene for the first time, and I just marveled through the EEEEEEENNNNtire playthrough I watched. It's unbelievable. Do you remember any inside jokes from childhood? Not off the top of my head. I'm tired, don't make me think. Have you ever made up a word? Well, as a writer, I've made up names and places. A word itself, I don't think so. Do you get nervous speaking to people you don’t know on the phone? VERY!!!!!!!! Are you scared of anything irrational? You mean like, half my fears? Do you have a passport? What’s the picture like? No. Have you ever had a full fringe? (bangs) As a kid I did. Is there anything you would never admit to liking? Don't think so. What’s the weirdest craze you can remember? Fidget spinners. Do you use bug spray or fly swatters? Fly swatters. Then we also have this hanging cylindrical sticky... thing that flies and gnats are apparently attracted to with the smell, I guess. Works like magic, though I agree it's pretty cruel. Just stuck there until you die. Are you a clumsy person? Boy, am I. Do you have tiled floors in your house? In three rooms. Do you listen to any movie soundtracks regularly? No. Do you bruise easily? Way too easily. Like normally something simple won't leave behind an obvious one, but even a normal poke in the arm hurts a lot and leaves the spot sore for a good while. I was tested for anemia, but apparently, I don't have it. What would you love to learn to do? Play the electric guitar. Do you prefer monkeys or lemurs? Ehhh... lemurs as far as cute goes, monkeys overall. Do you watch movies based on the actors or the movie plot? The plot. Do you have any phone charms on your mobile? No. What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? That's a big 'ole honkin' nope. Last time you puked from drinking? Never. Have you ever gotten drunk and danced on a bar? No. What is your favorite simple ice-cream flavor? Vanilla. Though sometimes I prefer chocolate. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages? Only for dinner. I forgot the science behind it, but one of my meds for bipolarity only works to its full effect after ingesting at least 350 calories; I only get about a 20% effectiveness of the medicine when eating less. I know it sounds weird, but my psychiatrist is a goddamn genius, and I trust every word that comes out of his mouth. When was the last time you slept on the floor? Two years ago when I was living with Colleen and I didn't have a blow-up mattress yet. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? When???????????????? do I?????????????? not???????????????????????????????????? Do you wear flip-flops? That's pretty much all I wear just about year-round... I remember in 7th grade, one of my teachers asked me about it a lot and I just told her I didn't mind the cold, which was true. Pretty sure she thought I was lying and was too poor to buy new clothes or something, as she gifted me socks one day, which I thought was incredibly sweet. I miss my 7th grade teachers. Best school year. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Pretty sure my niece Aubree when saying bye. What is your favorite sauce to eat with spaghetti? Normal Prego sauce, I think. Have you ever seen a magic show? A little one as a kid. When was the last time you vomited and why? Months and months ago when I was testing a medication. Quit that shit real fast, as it made me sick so many times. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? Uhhh I eat in my bed usually, lmao. We almost never sit at the table. I normally do if Mom's there, though. How often do you get headaches? Ugh, often. Why did you call the last person you called? I was calling back about my job application that I was supposed to hear about yesterday. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Two. Do you have Facebook friends that you’ve never actually met? Yes. When was the last time you had your photo taken professionally? Not since senior pictures, pretty sure. I hated how it came out. I have a lazy eye when I smile, gah. How long does it take you to get to school or work? Currently N/A. Let’s say you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both female, so. And neither of us want kids anyway. When was the last time you completely broke down? A couple weeks ago in a totally random and severe panic attack. Do you have someone you can spill your heart out to? Yeah. Is there a person that you would do absolutely anything and everything for? No. I'm not gonna, say, murder someone just because they want me to. What’s something you really want right now? To go and get my tattoo cleaned up by a more professional artist alsdkjfalwei. I got the approximate cost, I just have to wait until I can afford it. This tattoo is so so so important to me and it needs to be perfect. What is your relationship status? Taken. What was the longest time you’ve wasted on a certain person? Not even two weeks lmao. I said yes to dating mostly out of fear of hurting his feelings, and he QUICKLY proved he was NOT for me. Are you listening to music right now? Yeah, my iTunes is on shuffle. Anyone you would like to get things straight with? I wouldn't want to be friends I don't think, but I REALLY want to see Jason one final time to tell him how sorry I am. I recently acknowledged just how fucked up I treated him after the breakup; he wasn't the only one who made mistakes. I sure as hell did. He deserves to hear it badly. I do believe our last talk was a good ending, but I feel me finally admitting that I fucked up would be the perfect one. What was the best thing that happened to you today? Seeing Dad for his birthday. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I talk-talked to some WoW friends a couple days ago, though very very briefly. I couldn't figure Discord push-to-talk out and I ended up panicking lmao. What color are the last new pair of pants that you bought? Black. Is your room clean? I should dust and vacuum, but the latter doesn't currently work. List all the countries you’ve visited. I've never left America. At what age would you allow your kids to dye their hair? Shit, whenever they wanted tbh. So long they sounded serious about it and it wasn't just a brief episode of "oh this would be cool." Which fast food place do you eat at the most? Hm. Wendy's or Sonic. When was the last time you weren’t lonely? Jesus fucking Christ, who knows. What kind of movies do you like? Horror, fantasy, Disney/kids' films, comedies, rom coms, and emotionally moving ones. Bats are not spooky or are they? They're adorable, omg. Do you think blue is a gay color? Fuck off. What's your opinion on gays? Fuck off harder. Do you like the song "Womanizer"? Don't even talk to me if you don't. Where is your favorite place to get fries? You can't live your fullest life without having Bojangle's fries at least once. Do you know anyone who was raised by their grandparents? Idk. Have you ever made your own pie from scratch? No. Who was the last person you had an in-depth conversation with? Sara. What was the last fast food item you ate? A hot dog. What is your favorite gaming console? You know PS2 was the best, you know it. What was the last major city you visited? Raleigh, if that even counts. Do you always have a stock of alcohol in your house? No. Have you ever had a pumpkin latte and if so, did you like it? I hate everything pumpkin-flavored. Is there an antique store in your town or city? I think so... Have you ever been to a baby shower? My sister's. Maybe others', but idr. Do you know anyone who has been to rehab? Pretty sure yes. How many romantic relationships have you been in so far? Genuinely "romantic" ones, two. Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater? I am 99% sure I am the pickiest human being to ever live. Have you ever lived in a house with a pool in the yard? Not a built-in one. What color is your toothbrush? Blue. Do you have gluten intolerance or know anyone who does? I know a few people. Have you ever slept in a car overnight? No. Have you ever fainted? Yes. Do you avoid conflict as much as possible? YUP. Do you like ice cream cake? I'm not a big fan. Have you ever made out with someone of the same sex? Yes. Where is your second home!? The place I'm second-most comfortable is probably Sara's. What song always makes you sad? I avoid listening to "The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides unless I just really, really want to hear it. I always tear up due to memories. Have you ever played a game that required removing your clothes? No. Where is your favorite place to be kissed? Breasts and neck. Were you mean as a little kid? No. Who was the last person you hung out with? Dad. What is your mother’s name? Donna. What is your favorite song at the moment? I've been in true love with a heavy metal cover of "Invincible" from the WoW soundtrack for like a full month. What day will you never forget? The breakup night. Suicide attempt. My niece and nephew being born. Meeting Sara. Getting Teddy. First time hanging out at Jason's. 16th birthday. Alice Cooper concert. Putting Dale and Cali down. There's a lot. What was the last thing you took a picture of? Some crazy shit on FB to show Sara. Something you're looking forward to? Getting a goddamn job. What is God teaching you right now? Lul. What does Notre Dame Cathedral mean to you, and how has its fire affected you? I was devastated to hear about it; it was the one event that actually got me paying attention to the news. It is a monument of incredible art and history, and for Catholics, a house of their god. I am so thankful the damage wasn't too tremendous. What’s the last dumb decision you made that you beat yourself up over? I dunno. Surprisingly. What’s your favorite version of the Bible to read? N/A If applicable, do you underline verses in your Bible? N/A When was the last time you went to church? Not since Colleen had her extreme Christian phase two years ago. What’s the last song you listened to on repeat? "Radio" by Rammstein. That new album's gonna be bangin'. Does your town’s hospital have a good reputation? NOPE. It sure does not. I have no issue with the psychiatric care unit there, though. Every time I went to the ER for suicidal thoughts or the attempt, they were sweethearts to me. But as far as physical health, they do NOT have a good rep. I know someone's grandfather that nearly fucking died thanks to them, and I can't recall what it was exactly, but Mom had some complaints during her kidney cancer treatment. What is your hometown known for? Crime. Are you longing for and missing a toxic person? I honestly miss Colleen sometimes, but I can't go back to her. I can't. I'm done giving her more chances than she deserves. It was nice to actually have someone to hang out with, but she is just overall not a pleasant person. What’s your greatest longing? Financial stability, probably. Have you ever read a Bible verse and thought, “this isn’t true”? BOY HOWDY- What are you behind on? Being an adult. I am 23 and a SOOOOOORRYYYYYY excuse for one. Is there someone who’s stolen from you and never got caught? Yes. Someone stole our basketball hoop from my childhood home. Have you been lonely for most of your life? Most of my life, no. What color is your sleeping bag? I don’t have one. When was the last time you used a sleeping bag, and what for? When I lived with Colleen and slept on the floor for a bit. Do you live near the woods? Yeah, there's woods across the road. What do you want to be for Halloween this year? List 1-3 ideas. I wanna be the dumb blonde witch from Hocus Pocus, lmao. A pastel vampire would be pretty cool. And Rhett from the "Sleep Tight" video has instilled in me the great desire to be a steampunk toothfairy at least once. List five things people have been jealous of you for. Idk. List five things you have felt jealous of other people for. More than anyone, a friend of many friends' photography success when I can genuinely and modestly say I really think I'm better than her. That is easily the worst envy situation I've dealt with (and still do), as this is the one that is actually almost spiteful, wrong as that is. Then I have another friend who is a FANTASTIC photographer as well and is now a professional one in the fashion industry, I believe. Then there was a girl I went to school with called Cailin whose drawing skills were naturally INCREDIBLE since elementary school, and I remember back then, me and her would always get the most attention for our work, but she did moreso, but I wanted to be the "best" artist. Once I hit high school I just had great respect for her talent. Next, one of my former best friends Hannia was a natural GENIUS that got perfect scores on LITERALLY almost anything; she had the highest GPA in the entire school, while I was right behind her. And uhhhh five... I have been and still am jealous of my sisters for being proper, successful adults. What is your favorite shade of brown? Like a caramel tone, I guess? What color is your toilet seat? White. Would you rather live in an apartment or a house? Definitely a house. What’s one thing you had growing up that you miss now? Energy. Do you prefer kale, lettuce, or spinach? Lettuce. Do you listen to instrumental bands such as Hammock, Trentemoller, etc.? No. Have you ever gotten a manicure or pedicure? Just because my sisters went and Mom wanted me to hang out with them. I may have with my old friend, too. Have you ever self-harmed? Yeah. Never the answer. Do you have any eating disorders? No. I'm afraid of developing one once I (hopefully) get to the weight I want, though. Have you ever met a celebrity? No. Do you like Monster Energy or do you prefer other energy drinks? I hate energy drinks. They taste like poison. Do you plan on getting married? Yeah. Do you want kids? That's a big fat nope. What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t judge. Bisexual. At what time of day do you normally feel the best? The morning. Name one reason why someone should not commit suicide. YOU. CAN. GET. BETTER. Seek professional help if you feel suicidal, and after what I understand is a serious struggle, you truly can go into the light at the end of the tunnel. You've got, to our understanding, one shot at this. Don't end it when there is a possibility for a beautiful future. If you’re unhappy, what would it take to make you fulfilled? Have a job and be in school. Name someone you know who is a cancer survivor. My mom. Are you friends with any cancer survivors? I don't think so. Do you wish the sunrise and sunset lasted longer? Hm. Sunset, maybe. Idk. Name a country whose history you know nothing about. Lmao most. What is your favorite store at the mall? Hot Topic. Do you have a bed or do you sleep on a mattress on the floor? I have a bed. When was the last time you went for a run? Shit, not since high school gym. Do you keep Christmas lights up year-round? No. What did you win a scholarship for? Nowhere. What type of bug do you see the most often in your home? Flies. Do you put off things until the last minute? I tend to. Is your mom the same size as you? No, I'm smaller. Do you know any Christians who aren’t judgmental? No shit. Do you still think of that Gwen Stefani song when you spell bananas? Ha ha yup. Do you like the way your hair naturally is, or do you change it? It's fine. But I want it dyed badly. Do you know anyone who died accidentally by doing something stupid? Yes. How many different languages have you taken in school? Latin and German. How tall is your father? (Estimate?) Idk. Over six feet. Would you meet Miley Cyrus if you had the chance? No. What is your favorite slow song? Oh yeesh. Idk. Maybe "See You On The Other Side" by Ozzy. Do you believe in karma? No. Do you constantly check your cell phone? No. Only Sara or Mom ever text me, and I pick it up just if the green light is blinking (means I have a message). If there were aliens on earth, would you be afraid? Well yeah. If you could spend 1 hour 20 years in the future, would you? Yes. I want to see where I am, so long as I can change my behavior to improve that future if needed. Otherwise, I don't wanna know. Are your pets asleep? Teddy probably is, Bentley might be, idk where Roman is, but he likely is, I can't see Mitsu from where I am currently, Venus may be (no eyelids, so you never know) as she's in her rock, and Kaiju is awake. Have you ever wished you were an only child? Never. Have you ever hurt someone on purpose? Yes. Have you ever gotten hurt while sledding? No. Do you enjoy going through old pictures? It depends on the subject of them and my mental state. Kid pictures I'm always up for, high school ones are okay, though they can make me really upset with how healthy and skinny I was, and I deleted all photos I had on Facebook of Jason and me last year so I couldn't even risk looking at them ever again, as there's a good chance some would trigger my PTSD. Of all your exes, who do you think you had the deepest feelings for? Jason, obviously. Do you tend to have a lot of drama in your life? I have the most uneventful, bland life. No. When’s the last time someone was disappointed in you? Idk. What song are you listening to right now? Is this one of your favorite songs? "Alone I Break" by Korn. No, but I love it. What is something you have to explain a lot? My sweating issue. Gross to talk about, but I sweat seriously excessively, like you would not believe. It can be 70 degrees and I'll be sweating in seconds. People worry about it, and in VR, I've had to explain it so many times due to it affecting suitable jobs (I think we can all agree being drenched in sweat at work looks extremely bad). Hopefully I won't have to anymore when my doctor decides what to do about it. It's most likely a thyroid issue, which I have no clue about how to subdue symptoms of. There's really a shitload I have to explain lately between doctors and VR... Which compliment do you receive the most? From those that know me/see me, that I'm losing weight. From people in general, "I love your hair" or something like that. Who were you last on the phone with? My sister. What is one thing you have always wondered? Uh. Idk. I'm sure there's a lot, just nothing's coming to me atm... What do your friends think about the music you listen to? Your family? My friends and I like similar stuff, as do my parents, especially Mom. My sisters are the total opposite of me and don't enjoy metal and the like at all. Has anyone ever told you to grow up? Essentially. Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? Hell no. How many true friends do you have? Excluding family and my girlfriend as they're more than that, like... one or two, it feels like most of the time. Can you honestly say you’re happy right now? No. What is something you are exceptionally bad at? Doing math in my head or spelling up there. AND READING LIPS. Do you have a house phone? No. Who do you love more than anyone right now? Don't make me choose between Mom and Sara. How much money do you have saved up? I literally have $11. Do you like bright/neon colors? Yes, but I prefer pastel. What is your favorite wild animal? Meerkats. Do you ever eat breakfast? I almost always do. Do you remember who your first grade teacher was? Yes. Have you ever won any trophies? What for? Yeah, for A honor roll all through elementary school (save for 5th grade; I got one B and was so upset, lmao), then in all kid sports I played, everyone got lil ones, some from dance I believe, and I think there's one or two others I'm not thinking of...

#survey #quiz #questions #random

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zrtranscripts · 6 years ago

Text

Season 7, Mission 24: Follow Me Down

Welcome to a New Age

[birds twitter]

ZOE CRICK: [sighs] Isn't it nice to be outside?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, it's lovely.

ZOE CRICK: Phil. Come on. This is our exciting new nature segment.

CHALLENGE RUNNER: Welcome to a new age. New zombies and new fears. But you're not afraid. You're ready. Complete my challenge, and receive your reward.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Told you he'd break into the broadcast again.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We could have ignored him and gone for a loo break that last time, and not dragged Five into it.

ZOE CRICK: But he's offering a prize to anyone who completes the challenge, Phil.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You know it won't be kittens.

ZOE CRICK: You don't know that. Could be anything. Could be a baby tapir.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's not going to be a baby anything. It's probably three tins of moldy baked beans and a kazoo.

ZOE CRICK: But there's a chance it could be something really useful. Janine agreed we should go after it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'm not sure "if you insist" is agreeing, but okay. I guess now the horde is gone, a few wandering V-types are less of a threat.

CHALLENGER RUNNER: First challenge: run onto the banks of the river west of Abel.

ZOE CRICK: You heard him. Come on, Five. Run!

[river flows]

ZOE CRICK: We made it to the river. Five, good job clearing that tree branch.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Did you make up this challenge just to force me to do some exercise?

ZOE CRICK: Oh, I wouldn't do that. Well, I would, but this guy thought of it first. [laughs]

CHALLENGE RUNNER: Leave everything but your most prized possessions and cross the river. You must leave the past behind to embrace the future.

ZOE CRICK: A swim? Nice. And we're not the only ones. Look, there's a couple over there leaving their things and jumping in, holding their radios above their heads. And a redhead guy who's stripped down to his birthday suit for some reason. [laughs] Geronimo!

[water splashes, PHIL and ZOE cough and gasp]

CHALLENGE RUNNER: Think of the world like this current. If you fight it, you fail. If you work with it, you survive.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Phew. That current was faster than it looked. Zoe, Five, you all right?

ZOE CRICK: Refreshing.

CHALLENGE RUNNER: You have crossed the river of your past. Now, run straight ahead to the tunnel of your worst fears.

ZOE CRICK: Wait. What?

[zombies groan]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Those are zombie growls, aren't they? Coming from that tunnel.

ZOE CRICK: Well, that's not a fun challenge.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Not unless the prize is a one-way ticket to agonizing death.

ZOE CRICK: What kind of psycho would offer people a baby tapir and then send them into a tunnel full of zombies?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: He didn't actually offer anyone a baby tapir, to be fair.

ZOE CRICK: He's putting people in danger. That teenage couple have headphones on. They probably can't hear the zoms.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Five, you're faster than us. Run ahead and see how many zoms there are, and if they're V-types. If not... maybe we can try a double McShell. It's on my bucket list, you know.

ZOE CRICK: Whatever we do, we better do it fast. Five, run!

[zombies groan]

ZOE CRICK: I don't see anything in this tunnel aside from abandoned train tracks.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Do you hear that? That click?

ZOE CRICK: Five's found something up here. One of those old portable tape decks.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: The click's from a recording.

ZOE CRICK: So no zombies at all?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, just a way to scare people. As if the zombies aren't scary enough.

[cough]

ZOE CRICK: Who's that?

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: Hello? Zoe and Phil from Radio Abel? I recognized your voices. Can you see me? I'm down here behind these rocks.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello... ci-ti-zen. You're a listener?

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: Not really, but the voice told us to listen to your show for the challenge, and it grows on you. Lizzie Martinez. I'd stand, but -

ZOE CRICK: You're hurt.

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: I sprained my ankle running from the fake zombies.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: This is exactly why we don't scare people like that! When we find out who's running this competition, I'll have some words with them.

SAM YAO: Zoe, Phil, can you hear me? I've been monitoring you, and you need to go now. There's a pack of ghouls headed your way.

[ghouls moan]

ZOE CRICK: Crap. They're probably zeroing in on Lizzie's injury. Let's get going.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Do you think that's the idea? Scare people, injure them, attract ghouls to eat them? Oh, that's awful!

ZOE CRICK: Five, you grab Lizzie's arm. I'll grab the other. I see light down there. Let's hope it leads out.

SAM YAO: They're coming. Look, whatever that light is, go for it. Run!

SAM YAO: Zoe, Phil, Five, I've got no cams on the other side of the tunnel. Have you made it through?

ZOE CRICK: Five had to skewer a ghoul in the eyeball. But we're out, and following the other contestants. There's six or seven others. They're headed up the fire escape. The lanky teenager's trying to pull the ginger guy off so she can climb up first! It doesn't look like fake zombies and real ghouls have put them off trying to get the prize, whatever it is.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Lizzie, can you make it? I'm pretty sure ghouls can't climb.

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: Yeah, I can do it. I've got to reach the end!

ZOE CRICK: Five, look. Do you see those people standing at the edge of the roof? Must be part of the challenge. Scare yourself at the edge.

CHALLENGE RUNNER: Challengers, you have crossed the river, run through your fears, and come into the light. Now it's time for a leap of faith. Run to the other side of the roof and jump!

PARTICIPANT: No tomorrows!

ZOE CRICK: This is horrible! They're jumping! How can a person who loves baby tapirs do this? Phil, help Lizzie up the fire escape. Five, we have to stop this. Run!

PARTICIPANT: No tomorrows!

ZOE CRICK: No! Please don't! She jumped. They've all jumped. Wait. Five, there's padding down there. A pile of soggy mattresses. They're... they're okay.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Who the hell's behind this?

SAM YAO: I've been digging on Rofflenet. "No tomorrows" is a Last Riders slogan. Do you see any Rider tattoos?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, I see a Rider patch on that man's bag, but uh, I thought they were gone? Turned into zoms and then blown up with burn cubes?

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: There's only a few of us still alive. I recognize some of the others.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Lizzie? You can't be.

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: I was – I mean, I am a Last Rider. If I'd met you a month ago... I was so angry when I found out about the V-types. It wasn't fair. Not after dad died on Z-day and mum died of pneumonia last year. Then there was the cure and it all seemed worth it. Only it wasn't, because the whole thing was starting up again, and only the Riders understood what that meant.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's easy to get sucked in. If someone was leading you all on -

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: No one made us be Last Riders. We could have chosen order, but we chose chaos. That was our choice always. Our responsibility.

CHALLENGE RUNNER: You've taken a leap of faith. Now it's time to claim your reward.

ZOE CRICK: Hey. Does that voice sound familiar? The signal's clearer now.

CHALLENGE RUNNER: Come to the house on the top of the hill for your final challenge.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's Kytan. What's he doing? He hasn't joined the Riders, has he?

SAM YAO: No way. I mean, he went a bit wonky when he was with Ian Golightly, but he sorted himself out. And he's been helping people since then. The ones with Moonchild Syndrome.

KYTAN: Your moment of victory is almost here. You're ready to taste the blood of your enemies.

ZOE CRICK: That doesn't sound like helping. I think he means zombie blood.

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: Yeah. That's what we're supposed to do.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Lizzie, I see you have a vial of blood. You could give it to me.

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: I can't. That's not the method. It's time to die.

ZOE CRICK: Damn it. She jumped! We need to stop her. Fire escape, then run up the hill. Well, come on! Before she drinks that blood and they all die.

ZOE CRICK: We're almost at the house, but I'm not sure we'll make it before the Riders. They're all holding vials.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'm not letting Lizzie kill herself. I know I've only just met her, but well, that's kind of the point, isn't it? Trying to save people we've only just met is what makes us not the Last Riders.

KYTAN: Challengers, your reward is here. A new perspective on your lives. When you could have drowned, you swam. When you thought the zombies were in that tunnel, you ran. You were on the top of a roof, but you looked for a soft place to fall. You don't want to die, you want to survive. You want tomorrows.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay, that's... heart-warming. Not the safest suicide prevention strategy I've ever heard of. But better than him being a Rider.

KYTAN: I know you're carrying zombie blood. You think there's no hope. Well, let me show you some. Your friends are here. They've been waiting for you.

[door creaks open, people chatter]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Wow. Sam. The door of the house is opened. They obviously recognize people here. [?].

LIZZIE MARTINZE: No! No tomorrows! We die today!

SAM YAO: Not everyone. Lizzie's got her vial and she's running to the house. Five, go after her. Quickly!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Zoe and I are right behind you, Five. We'll stop Lizzie before she takes that vial.

[door opens]

ZOE CRICK: It's Kytan.

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: It's my dying day. They told me -

KYTAN: You don't have to do this. Take one more leap of faith with me, Lizzie. Your closest friends are gone, but the other Riders told me the secret signals, the code words. I didn't bring you here to take your vials. I brought you here to give them up. It's over.

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: Really? I don't have to do it?

KYTAN: I know what you've heard. That it's time to go out in a blaze of glory. You've been waiting for the signal. But you want to live. It's okay. There's been enough chaos.

LIZZIE MARTINEZ: I wanted to be the one who decides what happened to me, but in the tunnel... I wanted to live.

KYTAN: You are the one who decides. You always will be. We'll help you. Zoe, Phil, Five, I'm sorry you got mixed up in this. I know it sounds weird, but sending out messages with the secret code words was the best way to get these people to leave their communities peacefully.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You could have told us, instead of scaring us half to death and having us risk life and limb.

ZOE CRICK: No, he couldn't. If he'd told us, the Riders would have heard. Someone would have taken a vial. But this... this is good, Kytan. I'm so glad someone's helping them.

KYTAN: We all have our jobs. Janine said the V-type numbers are already climbing. There'll be a horde again in six weeks. That's your job, Five. You keep us safe. Janine's got her job, too. To help us fight the threat as one. And I'll do mine. I help the people in pain.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Makes our job sound a bit rubbish, doesn't it, Zo?

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Nah. People always need a lot of old nonsense to listen to. Come on. Let's go home.

#zombies run #zrs7 #s7m24 #follow me down #zr transcript #zrs7 spoilers

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mycasandstarrs · 6 years ago

Text

SPN 7x09: “How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters”

THEN: Leviathans are confident, smart, and unstoppable. Crowley tips the Winchesters off about Dick, and is stepping aside so the bros can wipe out Dick and the Leviathan. Frank Devereaux and the new lifestyle he’s set up for the boys. Dean is downspiraling and Sam is too.

We got two dumb dumbs “glamping”. What is even the point??

RIP first victim. Killed by unseen monster.

Hammonton, New Jersey.

Back to squatting.

Bobby! I’m gonna cherish every moment you’re on screen. :(

“Weeks, guys. Weeks. We've been living with cold showers, cold Hot Pockets, cold freaking everything. I mean, this is the bottom that we're living in.” That is a new low for them.

Welp. There goes the power.

“Stop trying to wrestle with the big picture, son. You're gonna hurt your head.“ Sage advice, Bobby.

The Jersey Devil!

“Something's out there in the woods. Hey, we're going honest to goodness wilderness hunting. I haven't used my .30-30 in a while.” Bobby’s going back to old roots.

“Sam?”

“High-end camper. TV, A.C., Wi-Fi. Back to nature, zero inconvenience.”

“That’s idiotic.”

It absolutely is.

Biggersons.

Ranger Rick Evans, who is stoned af.

“Come to think of it, I haven't seen Phil in a couple of days. He's supposed to call from whatever station he's checking off.”

“But you think maybe your assistant chief ranger might be missing?”

“I should probably report that.”

w o w

Suited up Bobby. Always a fave of mine.

“Hey, uh, douchewad, a hostess will seat you. Do I look like a freaking hostess?“

“Do you want to look like a hostess?”

What exactly was Brandon’s problem??

Dean...hon.

“Sidewinder soup and salad combo goes to Big Bird. TDK slammer for Ken doll. And a little heart-smart for creepy uncle.”

I wouldn’t tip at all, fuck this dude.

“New Pepperjack Turducken Slammer.” Dean would fall for that.

“Bunch of birds shoved up inside each other. Shouldn't play God like that.” hahahaa.

Bobby in his element.

Sharing old stories.

“You used to take us hunting. Remember? Dad had a case, he'd just dump us on you. Shoot, you must have taught us most of the outdoor tracking we know.”

“Yeah, what I could get to stick. I never could get you little grubs to pull a trigger on a single deer.”

They found Phil.

And now the monster has Ranger Rick.

“It's got him up in the trees. Lights off.”

“What?”

“Wait, Bobby, you think that's really a good idea?”

“Shut up, shut off, and listen.”

Bobby is a fucking legend.

“Damn thing’s eating Rick.”

“Man, I liked Rick.”

Not now, Dean. But that was the first indicator that he was stoned.

Bobby shot and hit that thing with both eyes closed, WHAT A LEGEND.

That thing is literally the most disgusting looking thing ever.

RIP monster. Killed by Sam, Dean, and Bobby.

Gerald Browder.

Ranger Rick, pine cone, a pack of gum with the wrapper still on, more humans, a cat’s head. Things found in Gerald’s stomach.

I mean...this is disgusting.

“Is that right? Do rats shake their ass, or is it something else? Eh.”

fff ahahaha. I love stoned!Dean.

I love how they swan wrapped it.

“I'm fine! I -- I actually feel great. The best I've felt in a couple months. Cas? Black goo? I don't even care anymore. And you know what's even better? I don't care that I don't care.” Iconic.

EWW. That is literally like that one episode of Spongebob.

“I think you pissed of my sandwich.” hahaha.

“If I wasn't so chilled out right now, I would puke.” lmaaooo. I love ya, honey.

Now Dean’s wiped out.

Sam worries about Dean.

“... and we lost Cas. I mean, you ever feel like he's -- he's going through the same motions but he's not the same Dean, you know?”

“You know, you worry about him. All he does is worry about you. Who's left to live their own life here?”

I’ll die on the “Bobby was a good father to Sam and Dean” hill.

Sam’s hand cut coping mechanism.

Get in the car!

Brandon! You turd.

Dean’s up again.

Edgar’s back.

So is Dr. Gaines!

RIP weirdo gross monsters. Burned to death.

Bobby had his heart to heart with Sam. Now it’s Dean’s turn.

“I've seen a lot of hunters live and die. You're starting to talk like one of the dead ones, Dean.”

Can you imagine Bobby trying to deal with S13 “just lost Cas and Mary” Dean?? He’d go out of his mind with worry.

Ouch, a Ben and Lisa mention.

“Now, you find your reasons to get back in the game. I don't care if it's love or spite or a ten-dollar bet.”

“You die before me and I’ll kill ya.” A little too late for that Bobbers, but I know what you mean. And I also know that you don’t have to worry about that...

The Montage of Dick Roman.

“The Rise of Dick” huehuehue

“A vocal member of the NRA and a steadfast supporter of the second amendment--” Dick Roman would fit right in today, jeez.

“Remember when Crowley kept going on about hating Dick? I thought he was just being general.” Really??

“The food additive that I've introduced into the Turducken has a near-100% rate of effectiveness. Once the subject tries it, they crave more within a few hours. With the very first dose, it starts to work on their DNA, slowing their metabolism, causing weight gain, and dampening their emotional range, which makes them perfectly complacent.” Thank god Sam and Bobby stopped Dean from eating anymore.

RIP grandma.

“I want to turn this little mistake into a big fat teachable moment. Will you help me with that?” He’s dead.

“Listen, sir, I will do anything. I will give anything to make this right.” Shouldn’t have said that.

RIP Leviathan Dr. Gaines. Death by bibbing.

NOO, they got Bobby. God no, it’s coming.

“Dean, there are at least four Leviathans out there. We don't even know how to kill one.” You know how to slow them down.

Bobby pretending to be unconscious, haha.

“So you got Dick Roman.”

“We can have whoever we want. We could have you, for example. If you were worth the effort.”

Ooohhh, I’m being reminded on why I hate this jackass.

“Like the late, great, actual Dick Roman used to say to the whores he'd kick out of the presidential suite... ‘cute don't quite hack it, sugar.’” Real Dick Roman was an asshole too.

“I'm gonna eat you, Bob.” I know for a fact you won’t, so fuck you.

The power of Power Clean!

Bobby should’ve just taken the files and the loaded gun and gotten out of there sooner.

Fuck, Bobby saved Sam there.

Bobby run!

Oh god, I know it’s coming. My stomach’s in knots.

There it went.

Fuck me.

#supernatural #spn summer rewatch #spn liveblog #spn 7x09 #how to win friends and influence monsters

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