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lurafita · 6 years ago

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Petvengers (Or, how Peter tricks NY heroes into pet adoption)

Again, this is also on Ao3, but I want to have duplicates, just in case.

here is the link if you want to read it on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19139326/chapters/45486811

This is part of a series. This is bordering on crack, seriously. It is a lot of fun to write though. I hope you will enjoy it.

Peter has decided that New York's heroes should all have (at least one) pet. Because pets are awesome. Now he just has to convince them of it.

Here a little bit to catch you up:

As with all the other fics in the series, Civil War got resolved peacefully (and Ross is out of office), and Infinity War and Endgame did not and will not happen. This fanfiction series universe is a happy place. Okay? Good.

Tony and Pepper share custody over Peter with May. Peter occasionally calls Tony Dad (he might also at one point refer to Pepper as Mom, but Aunt May will always be Aunt May, without the title diminishing the magnitude of love he feels for her)

Peter has a male Pitbull named Hope, a shelter rescue dog who was about to be euthanized.

Tony has spilled the beans on live TV about Peter being heir to Stark Industries.

Peter is acquainted with some of NYPD's detectives and the captain.

Tony, being the overprotective helicopter parent he is, has used his, so far limited, access to nano-technology to make a watch for Peter that tracks pretty much everything and can't be taken off by anyone other than Tony (or, in the event of Tony's demise, Pepper, May, Happy, or Rhodey) – See part 1 and 2 of the series for reference.

Tony and Pepper still own and live in the Tower, and the Avengers all have rooms (floors) there as well. Due to the events of the second story in the series (the wounds we see and the scars we don't) May and Peter have also taken up residence in the tower (more specifically on Tony and Peppers floor, where they have their own living spaces). Though right now this arrangement is temporary and the two might move back into their house in Queens eventually.

Since I ignore Infinity War and Endgame, neither Tony nor Peter have nano-tech-suits. (Though they might at some point)

Also, the identities of other vigilantes are known to the Avengers (part of the fixed Accords thing)

Last but never least, my very favorite part of this series, Peter swears in food names. Shit = Skittles, Damn = Donuts, Hell = Hot Dogs, Fuck = French Fries or Fruit Loops, any kind of name calling, i.e. Bitch, Ass, Fuckface, etc = Licorice

Chapter 1

Steve

Edward 'Ned' Leeds loved his best friend. He truly, absolutely, did. Peter was his brother from another mother.

However, that didn't change the fact that sometimes, Peter could be a teeny, tiny, little bit ridiculous.

Because who else would ever get the idea of tricking earths mightiest heroes into each adopting a shelter animal.

MyfriendscallmeMJ: Peter, you can't lie to save your life. How do you plan on tricking anyone, much less the Avengers, into taking a pet home? Especially since they already have you.

DefinitelynotSpiderman: Okay, first, rude. I can totally lie when I want to. In fact, I'm a great liar. Like,... Just look at my chatname! If that doesn't scream 'Master of deception', nothing does.

Guyinthechair: Ô_o...

MyfriendscallmeMJ: Ô_o...

DefinitelynotSpiderman: And second, I have a fool proof plan.

Guyinthechair: Ô_o...

MyfriendscallmeMJ: Ô_o...

DefinitelynotSpiderman: Parts of a fool proof plan... like... 46% of a plan,... that is not at all fool proof... but we can totally pull it off!

Guyinthechair: Yeah, somehow I do not feel confident about this. At all.

MyfriendscallmeMJ: What do you mean 'we'?

And so it was that Ned found himself, armed with his trusty camcorder, waiting in front of 'A heart has four paws' shelter for Peter, on a sunny Saturday morning. Really, all Peter had said was to meet him there at exactly 9:30am, and to be ready to film what would become 'a promotional video'.

Ned had absolutely no idea what Peter had planned, but it was either going to be absolutely epic, or completely embarrassing.

A quick look at his phone revealed the time to be 9:27, which left his best friend three minutes before Ned was allowed to officially change Peter's chatname into 'ThetardySpider'. He was already typing in his friends password into the first of many social media platforms, when (happy) barking reached his ears. He looked up to see Hope and Peter racing each other to reach him.

"Not late!"

Peter wheezed out as soon as he came to a stop in front of Ned.

"I totally did not forget to ask Friday to wake me up early today and was absolutely not just woken up 35 minutes ago by Hope licking my face off. Completely on time, that's me. Mr. Punctuality."

He doubled over immediately after, bracing his hands on his knees and trying to catch his breath.

Ned checked his phone. 9:29. Donuts! Oh well, knowing his best friend, an opportunity for assigning punishing nicknames would present itself once again. So he bent down to give Hope some love, while Peter was finally regaining his lost oxygen.

"Okay! We all set? You got your camera, Ned?"

He held it up for Peter to see.

"What am I even supposed to film with it? And shouldn't you have brought at least one of the people you intend to con into pet acquisition with you, oh great master of deception?"

"Please, you make me sound like a criminal. I'm not going to 'con' anyone, just persuade them to do something I want by slightly bending the truth."

Ned gave him a deadpan look.

"Pete, that is the textbook definition of conning someone."

But the brunette waved him off, digging his phone out of his pants.

"Semantics. Now, Steve left for his morning jog at 5, the freak, and since it's Saturday and there is no mission to prepare for, he wanted to make it a full run 'round."

Ned's yaw dropped.

"Are you telling me Captain America is jogging through all of New York?"

Peter nodded distractedly while typing something into his phone.

"And he got up a 5 am to do it. 5 am, Ned! Sleep-hating-freak. Not even Sam and Bucky joined him for something this crazy. I mean, 5 am, Ned!"

"You know you have gotten up earlier than that. Actually, you have stayed up later than that."

His exclamation was waved away again.

"That was for Spiderman, and lab time with Tony,... and cartoons. You know, important stuff. Not to go jogging!"

Peter shuddered for effect.

"Anyway, according to his usual running speed, traffic, roadblocks, calculated detours and approximate number of stops he had to make to hydrate or take a selfie with a fan, he should be in this general area by now."

Apparently having finished with his first task on the phone, Peter then scrolled through his contacts and hit the call button for one 'Star spangled man with a plan'. He didn't have to wait long for Steve to accept the call.

"Hey Pete, what-"

"STEVE! IT'S AN EMERGENCY! COME TO LEE AVENUE 14! HURRY!" And then Peter promptly hung up.

Ned stared at him open mouthed for three long seconds, then he beamed and proudly patted his friend on the shoulder.

"You just lied to Captain America without stuttering, over-explaining yourself, or dissolving into a puddle of anxiety! Good for you!"

Peter's grin couldn't possibly be wider.

"Thanks! For a moment there I thought I was going to choke, but then I pulled through! Tasha practiced with me for two hours last night."

"The Black Widow knows about your plans?"

Peter nodded.

"Tasha knows everything."

"Does she know about the-"

"Yeah."

"And about the time when-"

"Yeah."

"And what about-"

"She knows that, too."

Ned let out a reverent "Whooow."

Then he thought of something else.

"What if the Captain calls the other Avengers for backup, thinking you are in trouble?"

"I told Karen to inform Friday to ignore any assemble requests made by Steve, right after my phone call with him."

"So that's what you were typing on your phone earlier."

Peter nodded, then suddenly looked down the street in front of them, Hope simultaneously lifted his head from where it had been resting on his paws.

"Get your camera ready, Cap is closing in."

Ned did just that, and forever captured on film as one (very sweaty) Steve Rogers ran full speed to the two of them.

"Peter!"

He didn't take long to reach the two teens, even with an excited Hope jumping up and around him to greet the super soldier.

"What happened? Are you hurt? Are you two okay? Is there a new villain? What's the situation? I called for backup, the others should be here shortly."

Knowing they would not, Peter grabbed for Hope to hold the enthusiastic Pitbull at bay, and waited for Steve to finish with his visual assessment of any possibly sustained injuries. Then he grinned.

"Quick, the one needing your help is inside!"

He grabbed the blonde's arm and unceremoniously pulled him through the shelter doors, a still filming Ned and tail wagging Hope right behind them.

Andrew was just getting some of the forms for new owners in order, when the automatic doors of the entrance opened with a ding, causing him to abandon his task for later.

He did a double take when non other than Captain America, Steve Rogers, in civilian (and kinda sweat stained) clothes was dragged in by a familiar looking teenager. Followed by another teenager holding a camcorder fixed on the american icon, and a familiar looking Pitbull.

Since his brain was obviously not equipped to sort through everything at once, he focused on the issue that was the easiest to resolve.

"Hey! You are that kid that was here with Tony Stark, right?"

Said kid grinned and proceeded to drag Captain freaking America to the front desk.

"Yes! I remember you too! I'm Peter, by the way. I see you did some remodeling with the place."

Andrew smiled and shook the teen's hand.

"Hi Peter, I'm Andrew. And yes, thanks to Mr. Stark's generous donation, we were able to expand quite a bit. Even got some space out back, for the bigger ones to run a little."

"That's great!"

"You aren't here to return your dog, are you?"

"Never! Hope is ohana, and ohana means family."

"Good, good. Say, quick question, kid. Is that man with you Steve Rogers, aka Captain America?"

"He is."

"Peter."

The authoritative voice of the living american legend, pulled Peter and Andrew out of their little conversation, and brought their full attention on him. Steve, for his part, after having scanned the buildings lobby for possible threats, or other dangerous things, and valiantly ignoring the camera Peter's friend kept trained on him the whole time, took a deep breath.

Calm, be calm.

"Peter, why am I here?"

The teen grinned brightly.

"Rescue mission."

Calm, remain calm.

"And who, exactly, needs to be rescued?"

The grin got brighter.

"Well, whoever you decide on taking home with you. Though I've always kinda pegged you for a dog person, so maybe we should start with them."

Calm, calm, calm, you fought in wars, soldier. Keep calm.

"Son, I'm not getting a dog."

The kid shrugged.

"Okay, the cats here are great too! Or maybe you want a bird? Some of these have a pretty long lifespan, you know? We can also look at the smaller animals. They have ferrets, and chinchillas, and rabbits-"

You fought aliens, and an insane robot, your boyfriend was brainwashed into trying to kill you and one of your best friends is Tony Stark! If you can live through all that, you can get through this insanity too.

"-though I really think you should get a dog. It just fits, you know?"

Calm, calm.

"Peter, I am not getting a dog!"

"So, this is Colonel. He is a mixed breed of unknown origins, though the shelter worker said that there is definitely some German Shepard in there."

Steve was met with the non blinking eyes of his fellow Avengers and friends, and their assorted families, who were for once all in attendance in the tower's common floor living room.

The Barton kids (minus Nathaniel, who was busy spreading mashed potatoes everywhere that wasn't his mouth, and especially his father at the moment) and Peter were playing with the two dogs.

Then Clint (who really didn't look at all intimidating with a toddler on his lap and mashed potatoes all over his face) was staring imploringly at his wife, Laura skillfully ignored her husband, Natasha went over to Peter to congratulate him on his successful manipulation of another human being, Sam groaned about not scooping up any poop, Bucky joined the kids and dogs on the floor, Pepper shook her head, May refilled both her, Laura's and Pepper's wine glasses, Bruce hid a smile in his book, and Tony almost fell off the couch, he was laughing so hard.

"Your dog has a higher military rank than you!"

end chapter 1

Next up: Bucky and Sam :-)

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lurafita · 6 years ago

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Petvengers Chapter 4

Read chapter 1 here: Chappy 1

Read chapter 2 here: Chappy 2

Read chapter 3 here: Chappy 3

Bruce/Hulk

If anyone were ever to ask Peter, what it had been like the very first time he met Dr. Bruce Banner face to face, he would tell them that he was the embodiment of sophisticated professionalism, and not at all embarrassing.

If they were to ask anyone else that had been present at the time, however, they would tell a quite different story.

- (about 2 years ago) -

“I'm really not sure about this, Tony.”

Bruce said, as he was led through the halls of the tower's common floor, by the far too excited engineer.

Tony just grinned.

“Relax, Brucie Bear. I'm telling you, you are going to love the kid. Fair warning though, he can talk. Like, boy, can he talk. If he starts rambling, don't try to get a word in edgewise, just let him get it all out. He will run out of oxygen at some point, and that's when you seize the opportunity to get the conversation back on track. Because, believe me, Pete will somehow manage to totally derail the topic. Like yesterday, when he came over after school, he started out telling me about his and his friend Ted's AP chemistry project, and suddenly we are in a deep, philosophical discussion about the representation of real life issues in children's cartoons. By the way, you should absolutely watch more cartoons in your free time. Some are surprisingly deep. Did you know that Sailor Moon was way ahead of the curve on LGBTQ relationships? And considering the time period in which it first aired, that's saying a lot. And Captain Planet was actually taking on AIDS hysteria in 1992. Not to mention the fact that in Steven Universe, child heroes have to deal with trauma, instead of things just getting swept under the table. Really, this stuff is more educational than you might think.”

Bruce side eyed his friend.

“So the kid goes off on a tangent suddenly and just keeps going, huh? Completely disregarding the topic you were just talking about right before, huh? Wonder where he gets this from. This sounds in no way familiar. At all.”

Tony either didn't catch the sarcasm, or ignored it, and nodded.

“Beats me. Can't be his aunt, that woman is scarily on point. She never let's you forget, or talk your way around anything. She is just like Pepper in that regard. I think its the Italian blood in May.”

Before the billionaire had the chance to get lost in that particular line of thought, Bruce cut in.

“Look, Tony, I'm not worried about whether or not I will like Peter. From all the proud dad raving you have been doing since I got back, I already know that he is a great kid.”

(“Excuse you! I do not rave! Least of all proud dad like!”)

“I'm far more concerned about the kind of impact standing in a room with the man who turns into a giant, green rage monster at the drop of a hat, will have on a 15 year old. I'm really not looking forward to watching the kid run away in a panic.”

Tony scoffed.

“Oh please. If you turned Hulk at 'the drop of a hat', my tower would have crumbled years ago. Also, the kid is a superhero. He fought a maniac with alien weapons and a metallic bird suit. I'm gonna eat my 1.500,00 $ Italian leather shoes, if the Hulk scares Pete even a tiny, little bit.”

Bruce would have balked at the money that Tony spent on footwear, but at this moment, the two men stepped right into the living room. They were greeted by the sight of Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Colonel Rhodes, and one brown haired teenager. Which might have been a normal enough scene, if said teenager wasn't sitting cross legged on the ceiling, clutching a bag of marshmallows to his chest and alternating between stuffing one into his mouth, and trying to convince both Steve and Bucky that it counted as a healthy snack, since it was blackberry flavored.

And even though Bruce wasn't 'that kind of Doctor' he couldn't help but clear his throat.

“Actually, since the manufacturers have most likely resorted to using artificial flavors and food coloring, you probably have about the same health benefits from those, as if you just ate the sugar straight out of the container.”

Everyone turned to look at the two newcomers, and as the adults all smiled and stepped forward to welcome their friend, a wide eyed Peter lost his grip on both the bag of marshmallows and the ceiling, and fell to the ground in a heap. Before anyone could start panicking though, he was back up and with a kind of chocked off, high pitched scream/gasp, pointed his finger right at Bruce, and exclaimed “Don't move!” Then he ran out of the room.

And while Bruce had mentally prepared himself for just such a reaction, it still left him feeling rather disheartened. A quick glance around at the other people in the room showed three very confused Avengers (they had evidently not expected that reaction out of the boy), one Air force Colonel who was trying very hard not to laugh, and a grinning Tony Stark.

“So, should I be getting you some water to wash your ridiculously expensive shoes down with?”

Bruce asked the billionaire with a dispassionate sigh, but Tony was completely unconcerned.

“Just wait for it.”

They didn't need to wait even a second more after Tony had spoken, as Peter came running back into the room, arms overloaded with books, stacks of papers, and what looked like posters, which he all dumped onto the nearby couch table. Then the teen was suddenly right in front of Bruce and vigorously shaking his hand.

“Oh my god, Dr Banner, this is such an honor. You are like my favorite scientist ever! (Tony's indignant “Hey!” went ignored) I have read every one of your published papers and my friend may have hacked into your old university and found some of your papers that you didn’t publish, and now I realize that that’s not something I should tell you probably, please don’t sue us, but can you please sign everything I own and oh my god I’m shaking your hand and I’m never gonna wash that again ever. And can I get a photo, oh my god Ned is gonna be sooooo jealous!”

All the while Peter had been holding his phone in his other hand, blindly dialed a number and waited for the other person to take the call. Then he pressed the phone excitedly to his ear.

“Ned! Ned! You will never believe who I'm talking to right now! Think of the greatest scientist you know!... Okay, the greatest scientist you know who is currently alive... EXACTLY! (Once again, Tony's “It's like I'm invisible”, was ignored) Dude, I'm looking right at him. I'M SHAKING HIS HAND! … No, I'm not being a creepy fanboy... No, I have not yet let go of his hand...”

Rhodey laughed, Tony was jealously grumbling under his breath, Steve fondly shook his head, Bucky smirked, Natasha examined the impressive pile of things the teenager had brought for Bruce to sign, Peter continued shaking the scientists hand, while staring at him with awe-filled eyes and all but screaming into his phone, and Bruce... Bruce smiled.

- (back to the present) -

It was one of the rare, lazy, late afternoons on a weekday, that found most of the Avengers hanging out on the newly built terrace behind the tower. The strangling hold that the high temperatures of summer had held over New York city for the last few days, was finally ebbing away and Peter had seized the opportunity to take Hope for an extended walk. (Steve had declined Peter's invitation to tag along. Colonel, Bucky and him had risen early as ever, and already run a few miles) He had also somehow managed to ensnare Bruce in a discussion about something that had gone over the collective heads of everyone around (Tony was still stuck in a board meeting that Pepper had dragged him to), and the dark haired scientist had seemingly unwittingly followed the teen and dog out of the tower.

The two super soldiers had curled up together in the porch swing, Bucky carefully keeping track of Arthur's progress, as the little raccoon tried scaling the garden table that held the snack food. Steve with a sketch pad in his lap, drawing the image of Eames the cockatoo, hopping around said table while chanting “Posh tosser, bloody wanker”, and occasionally dropping down a blueberry to Colonel, who was happily waving his tail at the treats.

Sam, for some reason, found his bird's antics endlessly funny, and was filming the whole thing with his phone.

Clint and Laura had spread a brightly colored blanket over the grass and were having a picnic with Nathaniel and Lila, while Natasha was showing Cooper some easy self-defense moves a few feet away.

When Hope's familiar barking and running feet were heard, the assembled group knew that Bruce and Peter had gotten back from their walk. The over eager Pitbull ran out on the terrace, greeting everyone in turn with happy licks and a wagging tail (he jumped first into the laps of the two super soldiers, let himself be scratched behind the ears, then ran right at Sam, nearly forcing the man to lose the grip on his phone when he licked him right across the face, then launched his furry body onto the blanket with Laura, Clint, Lila and Nathaniel, and patiently waited until all had pet him at least once, and finally trotted over to Cooper and Natasha to join in on their play fight.)

This had been expected.

What was not expected was watching Peter come walking out to the terrace, carrying a huge tortoise (about 25 to 30 inches in length), and grinning widely when setting the reptile down on the grass. Bruce was following close behind the teen, his face a curious mix of shell shocked and confused.

Peter straightened up from his crouch and addressed everyone, while Colonel and Arthur (who was riding on the dogs back), came over to examine the new, slowly moving animal.

“Everyone, meet Bruce's new friend, Speedy Gonzales!"

“She is a 33 year old Sulcata Tortoise. Sulcata Tortoises can live up to 70 years and above, and weigh up to 120 pounds. Speedy isn't that big yet, though. She did grow a bit too big for her previous owner, and the guy was too cheap to invest in a bigger terrarium, because she needs hot temperatures to stay healthy. She will be okay to roam freely during the summer, but we will have to turn one of the guest rooms into a heated enclosure for her when it gets colder.”

The still completely baffled looking Dr. Banner turned to face his friends and coworkers (the Barton's and Natasha had come closer to inspect the newest addition to their home).

“...I don't even know how that happened. … We were talking about the latest research on cross-species genetic transfers, and all of a sudden I'm standing in an animal shelter and signing adoption papers for a tortoise. … I didn't even know shelters had tortoises...”

Sam, Bucky and Steve, who had already been victims of Peter's crusade against a pet-less existence, held up their glasses in a silent salute to the doctor. Natasha proudly nodded at Peter's accomplishment, and he respectfully bowed to his Sensei. Eames had landed on Speedy's massive back, and was seemingly taunting Arthur from his perch. The little raccoon shot the bird a nasty look, and climbed up into Lila's embrace. Cooper and Clint both seemed fascinated with the size of the tortoise, while Hope jumped between the father and son to get back rubs. Nathaniel laughed happily as his mother helped him feed a banana to the reptile.

Speedy Gonzales brought honor to her species, by patiently tolerating the chaos all around her, and chomping down on the yellow fruit.

Bonus: The Hulk!

"Uff!"

Spiderman shook himself free of the last remaining dust particles from the pile of debris he had dug himself out of, only a few minutes ago. All around him were the webbed up enormous bodies of the mutated rats. Some of them were twitching against their spidery cocoon, trying to get out of their bindings. Peter had done his best not to kill any of them, knowing that the animals had been victims of the illegal experimentation of the deranged Professor Stollack.

It wasn't everyday that a hoard of wild, three feet tall, rabid rats tried to take over Brooklyn. The whole team had been called in for some extreme pest control.

While Black Widow and Captain America had gone in search of the perpetrator behind this particular madness, Iron Man, Hulk, Falcon, Hawkeye, Thor, the Winter Soldier, Antman, the Wasp and Spiderman had taken to the streets and taken care of the mutated and very dangerous vermin.

Peter really felt sorry for the rats. While they weren't exactly among his favorite animals, they weren't evil. No animal was. And they didn't deserve to be experimented on and used like this, for one madman's twisted plans. He really hoped they could be returned to their original forms, and not have to be mercy killed.

/"Widow and me have taken the Professor and his underlings into custody. Everyone alright? Status report!"/ Came the Captain's voice over the comms that kept the team connected during battles.

/"I'm good, so is Feather-head."/ It was impossible to miss the smirk in Bucky's voice.

/"You won't be good for much longer if you keep it up with the nicknames, Frosty."/ As long as those two still argued, they were okay.

/"I'm fine, though Legolas might need to be checked for rabies. One of those things got a bite out of him."/ Peter would be way more worried, if Tony wasn't laughing as he said it.

/"My pants, guys, don't worry. No skin was breached. Mighty Mouse over there tore a fucking hole in my pants."/ Came Clint's answer.

/"His ass region, to be more specific. If anyone was wondering, Robin Hood is wearing Paw Patrol undies today."/

/"Look, Nathaniel likes the show, okay? How about we move things along?"/

/"Paw Patrol is cool. Call me when you watch it! I will bring Cassie!"/ Scott's joyful voice sounded.

/"Cassie only watches to keep you company, you know? By the way, Antman and I are both fine."/ Trust The Wasp to keep things under control.

/"I do not know this 'Paw Patrol', but I will gladly join you and your son for a viewing, if it is impressive enough for you to decorate yourself with."/ Fighting alongside the God of Thunder would never be not cool.

/"I'm okay, and I'm totally joining you for Paw Patrol. Got a bunch of the rats webbed up. Maybe Bruce can find a way to turn them back to normal. You know, once he has turned back to normal."/ Peter finally chimed in.

/"Speaking of, does anyone have eyes on the Hulk?"/ It was sadly impossible to equip the green guy with an earwig.

Spidey took a careful look around himself.

/"He was with me for most of the fight... Wait! I see him!"/

He had spotted the big guy a little ways away from his position, seemingly crouched over something. The part-time Avenger and full-time vigilante quickly swung his way to the Hulk.

/"Just... be careful, Spidey."/ Steve's cautious warning almost made Peter roll his eyes. He knew the team worried about his easy and unconcerned interactions with Hulk, and he couldn't really fault them. After all, the Hulk was the embodiment of Dr. Banner's uncontrolled anger, and was therefore, dangerous. But Peter's Spidey-sense never went off when he was around the big guy, or rather, it never went off because of the big guy, so Peter didn't worry. He knew though, that Tony was probably already on his way to them, just in case.

He landed beside the hulking giant.

"Hey buddy! You okay? Something wrong?"

The Hulk looked at him, and then slowly turned, so that Peter was able to see what was before him. The teenaged vigilante paled behind the mask.

On the ground before them laid the remains of what must have been a carton box. One of the pieces was large enough to read the handwritten 'Free to a good home', scribbled on it. Some of the carton pieces were drenched in red. And tiny bones could be seen among them.

Hulk's grumbling voice thankfully pulled him away from the grizzly scene.

"The evil mice were eating them... Hulk was too late to save the others."

Then Hulk turned further, and revealed a small, softly mewling kitten in his palm. The giant, green hand, made the little kitten look even tinier than it probably was. And Peter's heart just melted.

"I'm really sorry, bud, but you managed to safe this one! That's great! You are a hero! Do you mind if I took it for a minute? Make sure it isn't hurt anywhere?"

The Hulk grunted his agreement, and with a gentleness few would ever associate with the big guy, handed the little kitten over. Neither of the two turned around when Iron Man landed just a couple of steps behind them.

"Hey there, big guy. Spidey. You both good? You know, because you might want to let the team know that you are both good. So that the team doesn't worry."

Instead of answering his adoptive father, Peter addressed Hulk.

"She looks fine to me. But we might want to let a doctor check up on her. Just to make sure nothing is broken."

He placed the little kitten carefully back into his green friend's big hand, and the little fluff ball immediately curled up and started purring. Peter pat Hulk's shoulder in congratulation.

"She likes you!"

Iron Man had come closer.

"Is that a cat?"

Hulk smiled.

"Hulk likes her, too. She is tiny... Like Bug-boy. Hulk likes Bug-boy."

"You know, big guy, I don't even mind you calling me that. I like you, too."

"No, seriously, where did the cat come from?"

"Puny Banner is a doctor."

"Well, I was thinking more along the line of a veterinarian, but Bruce should be able to tell if anything was wrong with her. Especially with the equipment at the tower. And if all else fails, there is still Helen. She is the best doctor ever."

"Okay, one, Bruce would throw in that he is 'not that kind of doctor', right about now. And two, what is the deal with the cat?"

Hulk grunted.

"Hulk will go now. So that puny Banner can take care of her. Bug-boy tell puny Banner that Hulk is keeping her."

Peter nodded enthusiastically.

"Great! What do you want to name her?"

"Am I invisible to you people? What the hell is the deal with the cat?"

Hulk looked down at the purring kitten in his palm, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Little Smash."

Peter grinned.

"That's a great name!"

"Seriously, am I invisible? Did I die without noticing and am roaming the streets as a ghost now? Were those rats magic? Is this a curse?"

When the Hulk shrank back into his other half, Bruce found himself even more confused than he usually was after a transformation. Beside him, Peter, in his Spiderman suit, was trying to calm down a comically panicking Tony, who was still in his Iron Man armor, and apparently convinced that he had been turned into an astral projection of himself.

He was standing in the middle of a street in Brooklyn (in only his thankfully very stretchy pants), there were big, twitching web cocoons some feet away from them on the ground, and in his hands was a sleeping little kitten, purring up a storm.

Peter paused long enough from reassuring Tony that he was, indeed, both visible and audible, and definitely not a ghost, to quickly address the confused Bruce.

"That's Little Smash! She is Hulk's! He said to take good care of her! Oh, and she might need an x-ray."

Then he was back at pointedly not ignoring Tony.

Bruce looked down at the sleeping kitten in his hands and sighed.

Oh well,... at least she was cute.

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