#petsmart au

[citronlad]

Petsmart au 🐩

[daily-odile]

@tawnysoup's critters have captivated me... featuring odile the overworked petsmart employee

[tawnysoup]

the fritter (frin critter)

[sunshowersanddandelionwine]

i love this little note on my outline for oiabm

"roach gets chewed on a little bit. hes fine, dont worry about it. (he's very Not Fine. farah has to save his ass because she is the goat) gaz has some thoughts about the whole thing. alex is there."

[butchriptide]

I've seen people make human AUs and equate Winter's scavenger fascination with being like. a crazy cat person. and while that is really good and I do think Winter would and should be crazy about cats, I do think like... if you are going to give him an equivalent interest you gotta go nicher than that. Like, being a Cat PersonTM is a thing like half the population identifies at. You GOTTA go stranger. He needs to be regularly attending reptile conventions. He needs to daydream about owning a praying mantis. He needs to yell at underpayed PetSmart workers about how small the fish tanks are that they keep the bettas in. He needs to be offered the chance to hold a snake and he needs to talk to that snake like he's greeting the queen. He needs to show you photos of tarantulas please please please look at his pictures please of his tarantulas

[totally-not-fandom]

Been thinking a lot about a Modern Warfare merperson AU but not the, like, ocean dwelling "Konig is an octopus and Ghost is an orca" type. I want to see these fuckers as fresh water fish, specifically fish you would find in your local pet store.

(A lot of the language I use is gonna be as if they are just regular fish but idk how to put it any other way)

I have a lot of ideas for Ghost as a pleco. I think he used to live at a fish breeding facility and was stuck in a tank with a lot of other aggressive pleco mermen (such as his dad) so his fins are severally torn up and he has a lot of scars on his human half because they would all fight for the limited food the facility workers gave them. Then, when the breeding facility was shut down, I think he was shipped to one of those chain pet stores *cough* petsmart *cough* that don't really take care of their animals properly *cough* petco *cough* where he was kind of just put in the tank that needed the most algae clean up. Unfortunately for him, one of the fish in the tank with him was a particularly mean Cichlid!merman (Roba) who just about killed him. All the employees thought he was dead but when they went to take him out of the tank he used it as an opportunity to escape. Before he got to out of the store though, one of the employees caught him and decided to bring him to their tank at home. Keep in mind, Simon would have been fucking HUGE by now. Well, at least by pleco standards. Anyway, at the end of the day, he gets plopped into a new tank with a particularly gruff, older goldfish!merman that he soon learns goes by the name Price.

I don't love the way this sound rn but I truly don't have a better way to describe any of this so please give me ideas. I'll probably write more about Price and add in Soap and Gaz so stay tuned!

[venturethighs]

Pet AU on my mind tonight... good LORD... I'm sweating... 🥵

Being pets together has to be so much fun? Imagine having a chain that connects both your collars so they can't go anywhere without bringing you with them... now it's nearly impossible for them to get into trouble. Just kidding. They are always in trouble.

All the "in heat" jokes...

Getting a cage that's specifically made to lock you inside but there's enough room between the bars to penetrate you... or vice versa...

Locking naughty puppy Venture up with a vibrator pressed against them and overstimulating them into oblivion? Don't forget your collars are still connected though hehehehe

Watching them drool all over themself and only calling them a good doggy when they're ready to bust for the fourth time in a row, being denied every single time because they were being a little too hyper for your liking.

I think it has its benefits, though. Especially when you have someone who actively loves participating in and being a participant of oral– is their tongue ever in their mouth? Probably not. It's almost always on you, gently grooming your soft skin or buried deep between your legs as you both play wrestle on your giant shared doggy bed. 🙂‍↕️

They love to play wrestle. So, so much. They're also incredibly good at it– not professional, but definitely better than the average person by far. Probably due to all those years of rock climbing and excavation drill lifting. They can easily maneuver and shift themself no matter what you throw at them, so you're probably going to end up beneath them multiple times.

And they always love to buy you the nicest, plushest collars to wear that are like... near $200 AT LEAST... meanwhile they just grab another one from PetSmart because they destroyed the other one during an intense game of tug-of-war again...

You buy them rope toys for the same reason, but they just love to destroy their collar because they are a FREE PUPPY!!! Alpha dog does not need a leash. You know who needs a leash? You do. You know why? Because they love seeing you walk on all fours like the true pet you are.

Oh, but they kind of miss being connected to you now... maybe they should use those toys instead...

But what kind of pet would they be if they didn't drive you crazy from time to time?

Bonus points if you head canon them as AMAB and threaten to get them neutered lololol

[bropunzeling]

15 please!

What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

why would you make me choose 😭 i think maybe girl!leon???? getting the ~gender~ of it all was so fun and a really rewarding experience to think through?? but also i LOVED the werewolf ducklings. the world building was so fun and silly and stupid i had a GREAT time. more funny loser werewolves!!!! more buying your almost boyfriend dog bowls from petsmart!!!!! i have demands!!!!!

[nochi-quinn]

candela obscura chapter 1 episode 2: hey entire table what the fuck

still enjoying matt in shirtsleeves

still weird that his wrists are naked

are his sideburns going grey? like under the bulk of his hair

this is a scene that jumped into matt's head fully formed and he has to give all the details

source: been there

auggie!

that's my son!

vexnvax syndrome strikes again

going 'yum' just as charlotte's art pops up: correct

if there's one thing anjali's going to do it's play a hot lady in period clothing

"I've been smoking since I was eight" "then you can find your own smokes"

"sir, ma'am - " "doctor"

mala: the three genders

is "otherwhere" like ffxiv and "anyroad" or is it like. a place.

if there's one thing laura's gonna do it's try to get a magical item out of the GM

thank you, howard

witcher potion

auggie, whose friend turned into an ice ghost not even a month ago: fuck you, werewolves aren't real

arlo: maybe SOME PEOPLE - not me - are just SHY - I'm not tho - and have TROUBLE with PEOPLE - except me, I'm fine

bidet

"let matthew know" snickersnort

"what's my name?"

your name is also matthew

I don't know why "make a sneak" makes me smile but it does

howard just faceplants in the background

the story's too long to tell here but one time a woman brained herself on a hamster cage in petsmart and that's all I could think of with the guard blocking auggie

this voice is very endearing

not weird but WEIRD weird

all this for a loaf of bread?

matt making up names off the top of his head

aha! drugs

oh no

Quite Betrothed

fate dating au

"have you ever seen boiled bacon?" revolting!

"I have moments where new information makes me somewhat uncomfortable" autism mood

"I'm gonna touch it" to "this was a mistake" pipeline

if any of them were gonna succeed this seems like where you would want to succeed

yeah, DEAD SCIENTISTS, HOWARD

howard is now craving bacon

I WAS JOKING

I also enjoy this voice very much

aha. veterans.

he is An Doctor

bottom table is ND as f u c k

channeling patrick loller from tiktok: "if you thank me for my service you have to give me $5"

pocket bacon!

yeah see, $5

"we're not doing Get Help"

and that's just what the couple did to the room!

oh shit it's the fuzz

"our first victorian shit!" robbie what

joke three people in the world will get: you can only poop in the designated areas

the whole table: howard no robbie: HOWARD YES

nose punch go CRUNCH

"HOWARD WENT ROGUE"

howard said acab

what is anjali feeding her dice

robbie do you want to tempt the wrath of the whatever

the secretary's a werewolf

with a very cute accent

"he was a horn player" "I bet he was"

"s e x u a l i n t e r c o u r s e"

howard

"I wanna take his badge" fearne lives

he ran into a doorknob"

"WHY DID YOU TALK"

"stairs is faster" confused me until I remembered some people can actually walk down stairs instead of having to take them one at a time, one foot then the other, while clinging to the rail for dear life

laura

the way my brain autofilled "stayed open during the pandemic"

"is he a tall lanky boy" tailed by slenderman

grumbles in public transportation

everybody gets to punch a cop!

cable car fun fact: I was reading dashiell hammet for the first time and had to google what a broadway car was bc he said it like 90 times in the first three pages

and I'm STILL not sure I got it right

"how do you know I'm OUP" "the everything about you"

"my name is gertrude! I mean ethel!"

"spend all the drives! you won't need them later!"

"steal the man of the cloth's cloth!"

[witcher voice] for your discretion

"if only you knew how I was making my money"

ty for not popping your shoulders out on stream anjali

(I originally said "popping them out" and decided specificity was necessary)

this music is a+

"first name trio" is a good name for a band

disco elysium crossover

"she's having an idea….and it hurts" mood

"SHE DID IT" my crackpot theory is vindicated

that is certainly a way to put it

eddie? eyes emoji?

ashley very quietly reaching for her pencil

bacon plague!

banana spiders

"make sure you bring your hand with you"

c o n s u m e

"I've been working on this really great YA novel" MATTHEW I have already snorted lemonade through my nose once tonight, you can't say shit like that

ARLO

AUGGIE

I love them

why was my only thought AT THE OPERA TONIGHT

"do I recognize her as a TA?" "she's an ex-student" you get how that's worse, right

you have buried the lede slightly arlo

anjali: "I shouldn't curse" matt: who told you that shit

"that's poor people talk"

classism!

arlo

"THAT MAN TOUCHED MY BREAST"

"JEEEEEEEMY GOD"

we never should have given matt buttons

matt you live in LA you're giving them all trauma

kickin buddies

[pounding table] werewolf weREWOLF

that's. not a werewolf.

that's a bloodborne monster

just the panicked yelling dlkfjls

I too yell wordlessly when forced to make decisions

"until it was trying to merge with your body" hate THAT wording

hey matt what the fuck

HEY MATT WHAT THE FUCK

"if I'm still aliVE YOU NERDS HELP ME" bakugocore

"its own viscosity" despise it

hey. hey howard. whatcha doin.

[justin mcelroy voice] DON'T DRILL A HOLE IN YOUR HEAD

DON'T YOU PUN RIGHT NOW

hey robbie what the F U C K

"a gun! :D"

hey. hey arlo. hey arlo whatcha doin

some fullmetal alchemist shit is what

I hate everything about this

laura has just decided all her characters are coloring books now

"this arm doesn't have function anymore" oh mood

"takE IT, ROBBIE"

"you just do. what other choice is there?" hey I don't need this right now

hey howard what the fuck

HOWARD'S HAUNTED

see this is why you don't drill a hole in your head, you get ghosts

[anomaly-hivemind]

Sweater Holders// Tanjiro x Inosuke

Prologue, Chapter One

Chapter Two

Warnings: Aged-Up Characters, Alternate Universe Angst, Bottom!Inosuke, Breeding, College!Au, Cuddles, Douma, Fluff, Gae, Himbos, MDNI, Mental Comfort, Mutual Pining, Potential Gore, Top!Tanjiro, Virgin, Biting, Body Worship, Bottom, Eventual Smut, Friends to Lovers, if you know you know, Inotan, Teacher!Muzan, Slowburn, Smut, Tanjiro'S BigAssForehead, Top

Recommended Song: Chamber of Reflection - Mac Demarco

Tanjiro stood in front of the mirror, his freshly cut hair styled back with gel. His sister, Nezuko, had come to visit him and was shocked at his appearance. 

When Tanjiro explained his situation to Nezuko, she enveloped him in a warm hug. Tender and loving. A hug that needed no words of explanation to what it meant. She was saying, hey. I’m here. It’s okay that it’s not okay.

She quickly brought him down to reality as she shoved him into a chair and fixed up his appearance. Tanjiro silently watched as she transformed him from the formation of a hobo to a high-class gentleman.

Tanjiro smoothed the cool, gray fabric of his suit. The white cotton blend is short in contrast to the dark gray of the vest and blazer, along with a dapper pair of shoes to match.

The thin silver rods dangled playfully at the ends of each ear.

“Well, I really should get going now. I wouldn’t want to keep my pimp waiting.”

“Tanjiro, what the literal fuck.” Zenitsu said, coming out of their shared bedroom. His bangs were clipped back by a cute clip he suspected belonged to Nezuko. 

“It was a joke, Zenitsu. I mean Kibutsuji, you know my advisor.”

“Oh,” Zenitsu released an audible sigh of relief and wiped away some fake sweat from his brow. 

Nezuko giggled softly, but the moment was soon interrupted by the loud honking of a car. Tanjiro looked out the window to see a sleek black car. It was Muzan’s car; there was no mistaking it.

“That’s him, so see you later, guys!” Tanjiro smiled and waved while walking out the door…

“Get in, loser, before we're late.” Tanjiro shakes his head but steps into the vehicle no less. Kibutsuji looked through the window of his seat. 

……………………………………………

They both arrive at a fancy five-star hotel. They were stepping out of the car and onto a nicely kept carpet—the footsteps of bustling people made volume when they reached the large front doors—the distant sounds of pleasing and elegant music. 

They open each door with a light push and are greeted with lively movements of freshly clad people chatting among themselves. A light shove taps Tanjiro’s back, making him stumble forward slightly. 

“Go mingle with some people” Tanjiro looked around at the sea of people. They were all beautiful koi, and he was nothing but a PetSmart goldfish. He suddenly felt underdressed in his gray tuxedo. His eyes shifted for anyone he could tell was around his age. As he glanced around, he took a double-take on blue-tipped hair. It was the boy from the cafe, Inosuke is what Kanao called him, or so he was pretty sure. 

He almost looked like a different person; for one, he wasn't wearing a long hoodie. He was wearing a cold-color suit which went well with his eyes. For starters, he didn't look like he didn't want to be in the area. He was somewhat “happily” chatting with a taller, light, platinum-blonde man with fancy fabrics decorating his body; he looked older than the boys but still very elegant.

 The older man caught eyes with someone behind Tanjiro and walked away from Inosuke with a slight wave and smirk. Tanjiro took this chance to talk to Inosuke since he was by himself. When he got closer, he looked to see where the man Inosuke was talking to had gone off to see Muzan and the man walking off somewhere in the distance while they walked and chatted away. 

“Hey. You’re Inosuke. I saw you with Kanao when-...” Tanjiro mentally and almost physically facepalmed. He could feel his mood and spirit drop a little. 

 “Huh, oh yeah, that's me, you are?” Inosuke looked up at Tanjiro, waiting for a response. 

“Tanjiro Kamado, it a pleasure to make your acquaintance,” Tanjiro said, holding out his hand, trying to recover the awkward start he created for himself. Inosuke accepted it, giving him a firm handshake.

“So, what are you doing here?” Inosuke looked past him, looking around at the crowd of people.

“I came here with my advisor. What about you?” Tanjiro looked Inosuke in the face, taking in his delicate features.

“I’m here with Douma….” Inosuke looked back toward Tanjiro and saw he was already looking at him with a confused face.

“Who”

“My dad,” Inosuke spoke with a sarcastic voice and added quotations to the end.

“Oh,” 

They stood for a moment, looking around for anything to talk about.

“So, how do you know Kanao?” Tanjiro asked, trying to ease some of the tension.

“We’re cousins,” Inosuke said shortly. Tanjiro sighed; the other boy was making no attempts to have a conversation with him.

“Kampachiro,”

“Huh, my name is Kamado; Tanjiro Kamado.”

“Whatever, which is better, apple or orange juice?”

“How about we say what we think at the same time.”

“1…2…3….” They started counting up.

“Orange.” They both speak simultaneously, then let out a short laugh.

They continue to chat about small things as they learn about each other. They learn they go to the same school despite their majors being vastly different. 

“How come we have never seen each other until like now?” Inosuke asked, even though he could answer the question himself.

“Our school is pretty large, so it makes sense.”

“So, what type of stuff do you do mainly in your classes?”

“Right now, we're just taking notes for stuff to help us prepare for our internships. What About you?” Tanjiro explains what he has been doing in his main classes.

“Well, we've been working on learning dances from places worldwide and exploring the culture they were created in, along with our daily warm-ups.” 

“That sounds a lot more fun than my class. My classes usually kick my ass.” Tanjiro lets out a short laugh and rests his hand on his neck.

The night flew by with them, mindlessly talking and getting along quite well.

“You want to know something cool?” Inosuke silently chuckled to himself.

“Yeah, sure; what is it?” Tanjiro slightly raised a brow.

“From all my dancing, I learned that I'm flexible.” he gave Tanjiro a cheeky smile.

“WHAT!” Tanjiro choked on the air in his lungs at the word he was slowly processing. His face felt hot as he tried to cool his face with his hands. He let out an awkward laugh as he looked anywhere but at Inosuke’s face, along with tuning out the boisterous laughter from him.

“What's got you so red in the face, Kamaboko? Inosuke talked, trying to hold in any more laughter he had left in him. 

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Tanjiro was gaining his composure back to speak, ignoring that he repeated the wrong name.

“Now?”

 “Totally.”

“Alright, if you say so.” Inosuke still had a smirk on his face. He was proud of getting a rise out of Tanjiro.

“I do say so,” Tamjiro said, somewhat proud of himself.

They got along as if they had known each other more than the short hours they had been together. Thirty minutes had passed between them, but it felt much faster when they were together because they were having fun. Tanjiro felt his dread of going to this even drift away.

“I enjoy talking to you.” 

“ I have enjoyed talking to you too.”

“ So I was wondering if I could get your number so we could talk again.” Tanjiro mentally facepalmed; he felt like he just came on far too strong and was ready for the boy in front of him to walk away. But he didn't, which was a good sign for Tanjiro. Now, he needed to wait for a response, which didn't take long.

“Yeah. sure here.” Inosuke pulled out his phone from his back pocket and held it to Tanjiro. They then exchange numbers and continue talking together.

[whentherewerebicycles]

morning from my little sun girl. I did not sleep very well or for very long—I’m not sure what’s going on but my insomnia has been pretty bad lately. we’ll see how today goes! here’s the day:

6:15-7:30 coffee, lounge, emails

7:30-8 shower/get ready/breakfast

8-9 prep for HR mtg, send AU zoom link

9-9:30 campus visit research

9:30-10:30 HR mtg

10:30-11 AS mtg

11-1 walk, lunch, script

1-2 event but I only have to be there for a bit

2-3 AU mtg

walgreens, post office, gym, petsmart

shower

6-8ish hockey maybe… lol. write a comment or two during intermissions

phone away by 8:30 then read this VERY good novel (naomi novik’s uprooted) until lights out at 9:30

[iycion]

in a modern au i think laios would work at a petsmart. he keeps applying for the pet care section but is relegated to a floor worker. he even gets promoted to shift lead before he gets to work in pet care.

[barbreypilled]

I like JaneBertha toxic yuri subway au bc they both resemble hamsters to me like Jane is a golden banded syrian from petsmart (rodent mill) that is just like neurotic and scared of her water bottle and Bertha is a rescue Roborovski who is refusing to die out of spite and has chewed through four bin cages and got surrendered for biting (the kid deserved all 7 stitches)

[chodoyodes]

my work break is about to end so i’m going to pontificate about destiel fic if u will let me:

- the only fic i read of them that i remember + enjoy from my time in the fandom (2013-2015ish) was out of the deep, it was the first thing i ever used ao3 for after being a wattpad child and it took me a cumulative 7ish months to read in full

- i wanted to read twist and shout but the way people talked about that one had me scared about it emotionally destroying me beyond repair, now that i have proper fic exaggeration expectation down, i assume it’s prolly readable but i’m not going to read it out of both spite and disinterest in 50’s shit

- i re-read OotD when i was like 20 and working at petsmart and super super super miserable all the time, i used to prop my phone on the register and read it when i had down time at work, then i read the drabbles (which were better then the main fic imo, the author improved tenfold over writing the first fic) and then also the sequel AU thing, i was OotD pilled to the point where i made a ninerose au of it lmao

- i am always a superwholock girlie at heart (though sherlock and i are kinda.. divorced) and i like to keep up with spn bc it’s more of an internet ecosystem than a fandom proper, and recently i’ve been going into some popular fics from this modern(ish) era

- i’m on chapter 10 of A Complete Kingdom currently and i would put the horror level at like weenie hut jr’s but it’s a super cool and well executed concept, i personally think they are still in the cave and the curtain dream reality is the prime reality, and the fucked up stuff is a weird nightmare but i’m quite honestly not meta-minded enough to made heads or tails of this fic’s prime setting or reality. it’s super good though, i can see why it’s popular and i’m gonna read that other one too “every part of the animal”

- i am not gonna read down to agincourt (or however u spell it) because it’s just tooooo long and all the stuff i see about it makes me think it is kind of … don’t kill me dta fans…. overly pretentious for the sake of making its readers feel smart and cool and literature minded. and that is simply not what i read fic for sorry

[zukkaflowers]

what if scientist sokka accidentally brought firelord zuko forward in time to modern era and had to teach him not to have a breakdown at all the types of milk in safeway