#pete idk how you controlled yourself

[existentialcrisiscore]

THE NECK? THE LOOK? THE TANTRUM? THE CHEST?

[buckys-little-belle]

Mafia Au (Part Three)

Mr.R

Mafia!Stucky x Little!Reader (They/Them pronouns used)

Warnings - Sad reader, crying, eating of goldfish, mentions of 'stalking', just the boys being fluffy

Notes - IDK if I like this one, it's gone through a few re-writes, but I'm putting off other writting and my ADHD took that as a cue to get back on this instead, so I hope you enjoy!

SFW - Please keep all interactions with this post, and this blog, SFW

+ + + + + +

“Boss!” A loud voice boomed, Steve and Bucky both waking up with a start, their necks strained. “Boss!” The voice called again, though this time closer. “Boss!” 

“Wha’s going on?” Y/n mumbled, sitting up slightly. 

“I don’t know yet, Little Dove.” Bucky turned to them, Steve standing up to address whoever woke them. 

“Boss!” 

“Peter! Do not repeat yourself.” Steve said sternly as he opened the bedroom’s door, a weary Peter on the other side. “Have you ever heard of a phone call?” 

“I have.” He said timidly. “Which is why I called you twenty three times before barging in.” His words got more confident as he continued. 

“Right.” Steve sighed, his phone in his room, Bucky’s too. “Okay. Okay, what’s going on then?” Steve asked, his hands whipping down his face, trying to get rid of his tired expression.

“It’s about, about, you know.” Peter tried to keep the conversation light in front of Y/n. 

“No Pete, we don’t know.” Bucky chimed in, turning the corner, Y/n in hand. 

“It’s about R U M L O W.” He spelled the name out. 

“Oh! R U M L O W that’s how you spell our last name woop woop!” Y/n sang a little jingle and did a little shimmy, Bucky smiling at them, as Steve looked to Pete with anger in his eyes. 

“Very good little dove.” Bucky cooed, swinging their hand a little. 

“Why don’t we take this to an office?” Steve asked Peter, his arm gesturing for them to leave the room, Y/n frowning as she saw the two begin to leave. 

“Wai’ Steve!” Y/n called out unexpectedly. “Don’ wan’ you t’leave me!” They broke free of Bucky’s grasp, rushing to Steve instead. 

“We have to go talk business, My Dove.” He softly smiled, bending down slightly to give them a forehead kiss. 

“Righ’.” They frowned and let go of him, walking back to bed without another word. 

Bucky and Steve both watched confused, Y/n’s shoulders curled in slightly, yet no crying or protesting in sight. “We’ll meet you in my office, Pete.” Bucky cut in. “Close the door Steve.” He said as the boy walked away, the two men realized that something was definitely wrong. “Dove?” Bucky questioned, him and steve both standing in the archway, Y/n curled up in bed, a stuffie in hand. 

“Is th’ business over?” They asked hopefully, perking up slightly. 

“Not yet.” 

“‘kay, I promise I’ll wait really good.” Y/n nodded their head, curling up even tighter. 

“You don’t have to stay in bed, Dove.” Bucky shook his head, his heart breaking at the sight in front of him, something that seemed to happen too often. 

“Yes I do.” They said, confusion lacing their words. “‘Babies stay in bed while the big boys talk’” They recited in a monotone voice. 

“Buck, I can’t.” Steve whispered, unable to stay calm, Bucky nodding his head knowingly, taking control of the situation instead of it being a joint effort. 

“I didn’t think you would want to sit in a business meeting, Dovey.” Bucky admitted. “We don’t have any toys in our offices yet.” 

“I don’ wan’ toys, jus’ wan’ yous.” Y/n teared up. “‘m jus’ scared.” A sob broke through. “I don’ know the house, or anyone here, an’ I jus’ ‘m really scared, and I wan’ go home.” 

Steve couldn’t help himself, he climbed into Y/n’s bed and scooped them up sitting them in his lap, their head in his neck as tears fell down their cheeks, little hiccups could be heard. “You can’t go home, Little Dove, It’s not safe.” Steve said, his words soft and comforting. “Why don’t you sit with us in our meeting? And then after breakfast we can go to that little toy store you used to pass.” He offered, knowing that maybe adding some more of their past life into their day to day could help the sudden transition. 

“Really?” They pulled back, whipping their tears with their hands, hope splashed across their face. 

“Pinky promise.” Steve smiled, the two sealing the deal. “But let’s find you a sweater, it’s cold upstairs.” He stood up, Y/n in his arms. 

“‘Buck, I can’t’” Bucky teased under his breath as the two walked past him. 

+

The sight was yet again one that the Mafia bosses usually wouldn’t have been found in before today, Y/n sat on Steve’s lap, green sippy cup in hand, Bucky next to them holding a bag of goldfish, handing a few to Y/n here and there, and sneaking a few for himself. “Hi Peter!” Y/n whispered, waving to the familiar face. 

“Hi.” He whispered back, already loving the addition to the group. 

“Pete.” Steve’s voice was loud, everyone in the room listening intently the moment he spoke. “What’s going on?” 

“Right, right.” Pete was fidgeting slightly, hating being the one to break the news. “Well, Mr.R was seen on the property’s cameras last night.” 

“What?” Bucky sat up straight, Y/n looking to him, worry in their eyes at his sudden moves, though the conversation was going straight over their head. 

“He was seen taking pictures of both the front, and back of the house.” Sam finally cut in, handing a few photos to Bucky, who showed them to Steve, the man’s hand covering Y/n’s eyes as he looked them over, Y/n’s giggle at least lightning the mood. “We’ve upped the security, both inside, and outside the house, plus there are extra men posted in our territory, we made sure to call anyone we could to keep.” He cleared his throat. “To keep the bird safe.” His words hiding the true meaning. ‘To keep your new found little, who was and is in need of a safe place to live, unharmed from their brother.’ 

“Thank you, Sam.” Steve nodded, knowing he was right to appoint Sam as head of security, his skills clearly proven to be efficient and helpful, even though they are the result of a hiccup. 

“I suggest you three go up to the lake house, no one knows where it is, you can let the bird settle in without a bunch of our men watching their every move.” Sam added, his words quiet knowing that the suggestion was the opposite of what Steve and Bucky wanted. Dove was supposed to be able to grow comfortable with them in their forever home, with the newly made bedroom, surrounded by every day life, and yet a bump in the road made all of those things almost impossible. 

“Thanks Sam.” Bucky said clearly agitated. 

“Anything else, Pete?” Steve asked, hoping to change the subject to something more hopeful, and to stop the insanely petty staring contest both Bucky and Sam were participating in. 

“Nope, nothing else.” Peter smiled, though he hoped to be allowed to go soon, the conversation stressful and boring. 

“Everyone’s dismissed.” Bucky said in return, a handful of goldfish outstretched to Y/n, them picking a few goldfish up, waving as everyone left the room. “How are you feeling, Little Dove?”

“‘m fine.” They answered, looking back and forth at the two men. “We go to the toys now?” 

Steve sighed, looking to Bucky before speaking. “We’ve got to eat breakfast now.” He convinced himself it wasn’t a lie, he was just withholding the truth a little. 

“We did!” Y/n giggled, holding their hand up to Steve, a few goldfish left. 

“Crackers aren’t breakfast!” Bucky said in a dramatically silly tone, Y/n placing their hand on his head as they nodded. 

“Yes, i’s breakfast!” 

“We’re going to have some waffles, Dove.” Steve interrupted, a smile plastered on his face at the image, two people he loved being silly with one another, something he would get to see for the rest of his life. 

“Wha’s a waffle?” They asked, puppy eyes out, mouth open in excitement. 

“It’s like a pancake with little walls for your syrup.” Bucky explained. 

“What’s a pancake then?” 

“Dove.” Steve said in a more authoritative tone, wishing the silliness away. 

“What?” They asked. “I don’, why’s you mad?” They asked, hands in their lap fumbling with their fingers. 

“Dove, look at me.” Bucky asked. “Have you ever had a pancake?” He spoke with a genuine tone, Y/n shaking their head ‘no’ in response. “Okay, that’s okay.” He smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes, his chest suddenly heavy, realizing that maybe his Dove really did think crackers were for breakfast. “I think you’ll really like them.” Bucky picked Y/n up from Steve’s arms. 

“I’ll be down in a second, I have some things I need to do.” Steve was clearly seething, about to do something regarding someone all three of them knew, Y/n all too well. 

“Don’t do anything rash, Steve, just take a few breaths.” Bucky tried to sooth him, rubbing circles on Y/n’s back to keep them calm too. 

“I should have been rash months ago, Buck, I can’t just sit here and pretend like this guy hasn’t ruined people's lives.” Steve was on his phone, no doubt calling in backup for whatever plan he had coming. 

“Does Steve’s rash hurt bad?” Y/n whispered to Bucky, him smiling at their words, reveling in the softness they exuded, and the pure kindness that radiated off of them. 

“It does, Dovey, but he’s going to fix it.” He walked out of the office, Y/n snuggling closer. 

“Good.” They whispered.

[arachnoia]

Hobie with a tall thick reader like Megan Pete :P

Lanky skinny guy x Tall big booty country girl troupe >>>

Nsfw/Sfw Who knows

megan is literally mother pls. that trope is so fucking cute i’m in love. anon you’re so smart 🤭

tags- nsfw/sfw headcanons, afab! reader, unprotected sex, head-giving, p in v, i don’t know if this is good but requests are opennn (lowk wanna do a miguel one with a trope and nsfw/sfw but idk 🥲)

- im absolutely fucking certain he would call you a stallion. you told him once that people in high school called you a stallion and thought they were being rude for calling you a horse.

- once he found out what “stallion” meant, he started bragging to everyone he knew that his gf was a “stallion” which also confused some who didn’t know what it means.

- he would def be all over you when it comes to praising curves and and would be the type to try to match energy when it comes to confidence.

- as I said, he would def be all over you with praises, especially in your sex life and would have you as a top (with him being the occasional switch) but loves how sexy you look being in charge while riding him. (bondage is something he is into with you and enjoys it along with you straddling him…)

“you’re such a good boy for me, baby,” you cooed, caressing his face. he let out a breathless moan as you moved your hips on top of his thighs, him being buried deep inside you as you kept riding him slowly. “please, my love. you’re so beautiful…so fucking beautiful” he whispered shakily, eyes shut. he felt pain from not being able to touch and caress you due to his hands being tied on the bed frame. you started to move your hips even faster, stifling a moan from how he felt in you. “you’re so good, babe. so good for me…”

- the vibe from you two would be like that one justin bieber vid where he’s with nicki and in one part of the vid he’s like “I got my drivers license” trying to hit her up and she’s like “can you handle curves?” that would essentially be you two in a nutshell except hobie would be more of a tease to you and say something like “idk can I?” — but he loves your curves.

- there’s something about you that he loves but he can’t put his finger on it. other than your curves, he just loves your confidence and personality. opposites attract and that’s what you two are. the sun to his moon, the hot to his cold. him being from a metropolitan city and you being from the country. you’re exactly what he needs for him to stay balanced.

- as you know how to handle him and keep him balanced, he can handle you pretty good as well. even though he loves having you in charge, there are moments where he can’t help but fuck your brains out.

“oh my fucking god-“ you cried, gripping the kitchen counter as you felt your boyfriend fuck you from behind, immense euphoria hitting you like a goddamn train. you felt like a mess under him when he was finally in control. it was your 3rd round and you felt tired as fuck, cum already spilling from your pussy and onto your thighs from the two previous rounds. “fuck…” he whispered, loving the way you clench around him and having you in almost tears. he started caressing your ass before spanking it hard. he loved fucking you from the back just to feel on your ass in front of him. his thrusts started turning sloppy and inconsistent, finally finishing inside you and leaning forward to whisper to you, mumbling incoherently, “you did so good, love.”

- you’re his bright sun. the person who can put up with his compulsivity and inconsistencies. amongst all the inconsistency, the only thing he’s consistent of is how he cares for you. always looks out for you even during his missions as spider-punk.

- that being said, aftercare is great. although he might be a bit overreacting and reaching at times, he still tries to make sure you feel good after sex.

“hobie baby, I said I’m fine,” you smiled. he had given you a few seconds to compose yourself, going to the bathroom. once you raised yourself a bit from the counter and could form a sentence, he tried to carry you. “but i don’t want you to hurt yourself if you’re sore,” you rolled your eyes as he ended that with a “mhmmm” to stroke his ego. “I can walk just fine.” he gave you a look before placing you gently on your shared bed to clean you up.

.

.

masterlist

[stackthedeck]

How would you feel about 8 with some peter parker ship. idk what- spideytorch, spideypool, spideydevil, team red, i dont Know but i think peter should get to purr. as a treat.

I did this with spideytorch because I think fic authors are really slacking on all the ways Johnny's powers could be used for romance reasons! Also here's an article I found while googling if spiders actually purr and there are actually sound clips!

New York City this time of year is blistering, bitter, biting cold. They are far past the picturesque first snow where everything is wrapped in a clean white blanket. Now the snow has melted, mixing with the road salt turning the world into a sludgy gray mess. And people are still committing crimes so Spider-Man still has to swing through the city even though the wind cuts much deeper from above the skyline. 

Peter calls it quits early tonight, shaking so hard he can barely get his apartment window open. As he climbs inside, the heat of the apartment wraps around him and he’s greeted by the smell of bread and sauce, stress melting from his body with the cold.

“You’re back early,” Johnny says from the couch, “there’s a pizza in the oven.”

“I love you,” Peter sighs, not looking at Johnny but walking into the kitchen.

“Were you talking to me or the pizza?” Johnny laughs, getting up from the couch to follow him into the kitchen.

“The pizza, obviously,” Peter says as he pulls off his mask and gloves.

There’s only about a minute left on the oven timer, deciding that’s too long to wait, Peter grabs a pair of oven mitts and takes it out. Johnny wraps his arms around Peter’s waist, leaning his head on his shoulder to watch him cut the pizza. Peter relaxes into his touch,  Johnny is warm—he always is—but especially after braving the winter winds, he feels amazing.

“Be careful, it’s hot,” Johnny says, watching Peter grab the biggest slice.

“Are you talking about yourself or the pizza?” Peter chuckles before taking a bite. He immediately winces, burning the roof of his mouth.

“The pizza,” Johnny sighs.

Peter swallows the scolding bite as he stares longingly at the slice in his hand. He could wait a minute or he could just power through the pain. Before Peter can take another bite, Johnny takes his chin and moves him into a kiss. Peter kisses back, although he’s thinking about how his mouth could be eating pizza instead. But as Johnny kisses him, his mouth goes cool, the burn dissipating.

“Woah,” Peter says as Johnny pulls away. Peter has seen Johnny steal the energy away from bombs and flames, but he didn’t know he could do it on such a controlled scale. Johnny just smirks, touching Peter’s slice and cooling it to the perfect temperature. He grabs his own slice, the crust charring at his fingertips.

“So…” Peter looks between Johnny and the pizza “...why didn’t you just cook it yourself?”

Johnny rolls his eyes and lets go of Peter’s waist, walking back into the living room. “Because you have an oven, Pete.”

Peter takes a perfect temperature bite before following Johnny. “I’m just saying it’d be faster.”

“Yeah, but that’d be like me asking you why you don’t climb the side of a building instead of taking the elevator.”

Johnny flops down on the couch, waiting for Peter to join him.

“So,” Peter says, still standing, “did you not just see me climb in through the window?”

“You know what I mean, webhead.” Johnny lunges forward, grabbing Peter by the wrist and pulling him onto the couch. Peter stumbles, falling on top of him. He pushes down, putting a little super strength behind it, pinning Johnny beneath him. Johnny shoves against his shoulder, but he doesn’t budge.

“Who’s the webhead now?” Peter laughs, shoving the rest of his slice of pizza in his mouth.

“Still you.” Johnny shoves him again, struggling as much as he can but Peter doesn’t move, just grins.

“Take it back, flame brain.”

“Never.” Johnny narrows his eyes, pushing heat into his palm. If Peter is going to cheat using superpowers, two can play at that game. He puts his hand—burning with enough heat to scare Peter, but not hurt him—on the back of his neck.

“What are you…?” Peter trails off, eyes going vacant as he relaxes against Johnny’s chest. “Ooh.”

Johnny shifts, no longer pinned by super strength. He runs his hand up and down Peter’s spine with a smirk. “You really like this, huh?”

“It’s freezing outside,” Peter mumbles, “and spiders can’t thermoregulate.”

Johnny takes his hand off Peter and his boyfriend responds with a whine that’s almost a whimper.

“Johnny,” Peter huffs.

“Say you’re a webhead.”

“Never.” Peter’s face hardens, staring Johnny down, but Johnny keeps his hands to himself. Peter leans forward, pressing their lips into a soft kiss before pulling back to stare at Johnny pleadingly. “I’m sorry for calling you flame brain.”

Johnny has to stop himself from laughing. This is the best day of his life, he never thought he’d see the day Peter apologizes, much less try to be cute. He wraps his arms around Peter, letting heat sink into his hands as they rub his back. Peter sighs with relief, resting his head on Johnny’s shoulder.

“Look at you,” Johnny chuckles, heating his whole body just slightly and reveling in how Peter practically melts against him, “you’re almost being sweet.”

“Don’t get used to it,” Peter mumbles, “just until the weather heats up.”

“Another six months of this then?” Johnny says.

“Shut it, human heating pad,” Peter says.

“Human heating pad?” Johnny chuckles, “seriously that’s the best you can do?”

Peter opens his mouth to quip back, but it devolves into a sigh as Johnny cards his fingers through his hair. He collapses against Johnny’s chest, cuddling closer.

“Oh, I should have done this ages ago,” Johnny says, hands wondering lower.

“Yeah.” Peter presses a kiss to Johnny’s neck, too relaxed to reach for his mouth. “Yeah, you should have.”

They lay like that for a while, Johnny’s hands running over Peter’s back and Peter holding him close. It’s been so long since they’ve done anything like this. Being heroes doesn’t leave much room for a personal life. It’s been quick kisses before battles, love-yous as one of them races out the door, hugs cut short by the world ending. But Johnny has Peter in his arms now and he doesn’t have to worry about him swinging away.

Peter’s breathing evens out and for a second, Johnny thinks he’s fallen asleep. But then Peter starts to vibrate, a tiny noise rumbling out of his chest. Johnny gasps, a grin spreading over his face. Peter blinks his eyes open, but by the grace of God, the noise doesn’t stop.

“Are you—” Johnny pauses, barely believing his ears “—purring?”

“No!” Peter’s face goes red and the noise and the vibrations stop. But Johnny knows what he heard, what he felt against his chest, and he can’t keep the smile from his face. He moves his hand to play with Peter’s hair again and Peter’s eyes flutter shut and he starts purring again. Johnny makes no sudden movements, just takes in the delightful sounds.

“...maybe,” Peter mutters, leaning into Johnny’s touch.

“Why?” Johnny keeps his movements gentle and his voice quiet even though he’s practically dying for shock. Peter Parker has never been cute. Attractive? Funny? Heroic? Sure. But cute? The furthest thing from it. But here he is, mouth held open in bliss and purring like a kitten on his chest.

“Comfy,” Peter says, stretching his arms over his head before wrapping them around Johnny.

“I got that.” Johnny smiles, leaning forward to press a kiss to Peter’s forehead. “But people don’t typically purr when they’re comfortable.”

“I have the proportional everything of a spider,” Peter says, letting Johnny run his hand over his jaw and neck, “so the super strength and wall climbing comes with the inability to regulate my body temperature and…purring.”

“It’s adorable,” Johnny says, breathing the words with awe.

“I’m not adorable,” Peter says, scowling at Johnny but it comes off so much less threatening than usual.

“Whatever you say, kitten.” Johnny brings his hand closer to Peter’s lips and he actually presses a kiss to his palm. Oh, Johnny’s never going to stop being his human heating pad.

“If you tell a soul,” Peter says, intending some threat but his voice is nothing more than a breathy sigh between rumbling purrs.

“That would require me actually getting you off me,” Johnny says. The vibrations are really nice, a subtle movement against his chest that’s oddly soothing. The sound is deep, sending sparks across his scalp that settle in the base of his skull.

“Is this why MJ calls you tiger?” Johnny asks.

“Oh my god,” Peter groans, pushing against Johnny’s hold.

Johnny finds a knot in his shoulder muscle and lets extra heat sink into his hand as he presses against it.

“Oh my god,” Peter moans, the purring growing louder.

“I’m going to do this all the time,” Johnny smirks, reveling in how pliant Peter is in his arms.

“Please do,” Peter says.

“Should I call Felicia,” Johnny asks, “tell her that you’re encroaching on her cat theme?”

“Stop ruining the moment,” Peter says.

Johnny smiles to himself, giving Peter another couple of minutes of silence. He’s soaked up Johnny’s heat, no longer freezing from the outside, and he’s a warm weight against his chest. The purring is truly beautiful and if he didn’t think Peter would smack him, he’d try to record it so he could fall asleep to it. Although, he could just coax out the real thing from Peter every night. He’s planning just how he could do it when another question occurs to him.

“So, is this like a spider mating ritual?” Johnny asks.

“Yeah,” Peter hums almost absentmindedly.

Johnny’s face heats up, but if the heat spreads to the rest of his body, Peter doesn’t flinch. Peter kisses Johnny’s neck, the movement less lazy than earlier, teeth grazing against the skin.

“Any other spidery habits I should know about?” Johnny asks.

[angelsarrm]

ok hi idk who else to come to this with bc you're like one of the main YBC bloggers I know of but have you heard the song Killer + The Sound bc it's got me thinking YBC thoughts like I want to scream and I had to share it with somebody, I thought you might appreciate it

OH MY GODDD okay. ive never heard this song before so i went and listened and i. need to share my ybc thoughts with lyrics ill do it under the cut so it's not as long... ALSO U THINK OF ME AS A YBC BLOGGER THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO MEEEE

okay first off. i am a peterick girlie so a lot of thoughts is that I HOPE THATS OKAY

"i am sick of the chase and hungry for blood and theres nothing i can do"

OH NY GODDDD i love LOVE the trope/idea of patrick being possessed and not being able to control his body or mind but hes also vaguely aware at the same time...? idk how else to explain it but patricks mind gets fuzzy so he wont have a full recollection. but he knows. (ie "waking up" next to joe and knowing immediately what hes done/crying ,,,)

"when my mind is barely there / when a machine keeps me alive... i hope you kiss my rotten head and pull the plug"

patrick's last thoughts while he gets tied to the chair in rat a tat and he is slowly losing his grip and he KNOWS whats gonna happen. I like to believe this is also where his mind stops getting fuzzy and hes just fully possessed, he has no recollection or thoughts of his own (remember me as i was not as i am)

bro. miss missing you. i will not elaborate or my mind will explode.

"hoping that you like how youre living, relying on the kindness of strangers to be forgiven."

i can see this both as post patrick and post joe/andy/pete lyrics... as in post patrick has these internal thoughts of oh look at what youve done, why should you be forgiven? and from the boys' pov of we know what youve done and we forgive you but can you forgive yourself/others :[

open up your mouth if you want it listen for the sound, the sound is coming down

LITERALLY THESE LYRICS ARE JOEEEE like going down into hell at first, him accepting the fact he may be down here forever so fuck it lets take drugs with devil tommy lee, imo the sound is coming down... the elevator coming down from heaven to retrieve a defender of faith... wowie ..,,

SORRY I LIKE TO RAMBLE THANK YOU FOR SENDING AN ASK I FUCKING . LOVE TALKING ABOUT THE YBC

[kolsmikaelson]

i love you

AG!Peter Parker x Reader

Summary- you’re comforting peter after bens death and accidentally tell him you love him for the first time. (pre-established relationship)

word count- 1065 | join taglist | warnings- hurt to comfort?? angsty?? (idk i dont write angst well) the word god is used once ‘thank god’. shooting mention.

a/n: this is my first peter fic (+ it isn’t proofread) so i hope you enjoy it!! idk how i feel about this so show her some love! reblogs are highly highly encouraged!!

A knock on your window is what wakes you up, but seeing Peter sitting on the fire escape with tears running down his face is what gets you going. You quickly unlock your window to let the brunette into your room. “Peter? What’re you doing here?”

This makes his sobs grow louder. You rush to his side and pull him into your chest trying to comfort him. Soon after, you gently pick his head up in your hands and question him again. He takes a deep breath before speaking for the first time since he’d arrived. Rubbing your hand on his shoulder he begins.

“Ben he– he got shot.” before you’re able to say anything he continues, “ He got shot and there was nothing I could do to help him.” the news breaks your heart, you were always close to Ben. The two of you got along from the moment Peter introduced you to him and May. 

“Peter, baby it isn’t your fault.” knowing what he must be thinking was difficult, he was staring at the wall and he had stopped crying, a blank look now adorning his face. It was minutes before either of you spoke again, you choosing to speak up. “Baby? Do you want to stay here? If not, can I go back to yours with you so that May isn’t alone tonight?” At this he nods his head murmuring a thank you while you gather an overnight bag.

“Pete? I’m gonna go grab you some water okay? I’ll be right back.” you said, noticing his heavy breathing. Peter nods and lies back on your bed waiting for you to come back with the glass of water.

When you’re back in your room you place the glass in his hand and get closer to him so that you’re standing in between his legs. You push your fingers through his hair, letting him get his breathing under control again. He sits the empty glass on the floor beside your feet, before letting his head fall onto your chest.

“You want me to drive us or do you wanna walk back?”

“Could you drive? Please?” he says, burying his head into your chest, the exhaustion of the day he had setting in finally.

“ ‘Course baby, let's go.”

»»————-—————-——-««

A short twenty minute drive later, you’re pulling up in front of Peter's home. The lights inside flicker on quickly, and even quicker you can see Aunt May looking through the front door at you.

“Peter? Y/n? Is that you?” she calls squinting at your parked car. 

“Hey May,” you call out, voice thick with sadness. “How’re you?” you say, cringing at yourself. 

‘Dumb question y/n.’ you think to yourself.

“I’ll be okay.” she shrugs as you and Peter walk up the steps to her. You pull her into a hug whispering a quick  ‘ I’m so sorry.’ in her ear. When you pull away you see the tears filling her eyes, “Do you want me to make you kids some tea or something?” she asks, as sweet as ever. 

“Oh no, May let me do it, you go sit down with Peter okay?” you shake your head, walking into the house. She mutters a thank you, taking Peter's hand and leading him to the living area. Quickly you head to the kitchen and begin to prepare the hot drink. You hear the soft talking of the brunette and the older woman, as quiet as they are makes you unconsciously lean closer, hiding behind the wall. You can hear Peter rambling trying to comfort his aunt.

This goes on for a few short minutes before you hear the tea kettle squealing. Before you know it you’re done making the cups of tea and you are heading into the living room. 

You hand May her cup of tea before sitting beside Peter and handing his cup over. “Be careful, it’s hot.” you rush out seeing him immediately bring the cup to his lips. 

»»————-—————-——-««

Half an hour later you’re in Peter's room laying in his bed beside him. He has his head on your chest with his eyes closed, not sleeping yet, just enjoying your warmth. Knowing May is sleeping in the next room you begin quietly speaking.

“Peter, angel?” 

He hums in acknowledgment, “I know tonight was rough, and it’ll be rough for a while but I’m here for you every step of the way okay?” you blurt, kissing the top of his head, wanting him to know he won’t be alone during this process.

Peter takes a deep breath before answering you, “Thanks darling, you’ve always been so good to me.'' he says in your chest before looking into your eyes with a teary smile.

“It’s because I love you Peter. I always have and I always will.”  you blurt out without thinking, looking down into his eyes. Your eyes widened in shock of the words that tumbled out of your mouth so suddenly. His jaw drops the slightest amount sending you into rambles, “Oh…this was the wrong time for that. I’m so sorry baby. Don’t feel like you have to say it back if you aren’t sure—“ before you can finish your sentence he’s pressing a hard kiss on your lips.

Pulling away breathlessly, he gazes into your eyes, “I love you too darling, I’ve never been so sure about something in my entire life.” Happy tears burn your eyes, muttering a soft ‘thank god’ before leaning your forehead against his, looking in his eyes, “ I’m so lucky to have you Peter, so so lucky to be in your life.” you murmur into his lips. You feel him smile into the kiss, “If anyone is lucky in this relationship it’s me darling, you are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Smiling once again, you pull his head back onto your chest running one hand up and down his back and the other tracing random shapes into the bare skin of his arm. Next thing you know he is shooting a web at his light-switch to turn it off for the night. Laughing at his antics you kiss his dark hair for the millionth time that day.

“I love you my angel.” you whisper into his hair. “ And I love you too darling.” he said, peppering your chest with kisses before lying his head down to get a peaceful night's rest.

taglist- @bords @tysonjost-taylorsversion @2manytabsopen @savagejane1 @ilyasorokinn

[onstoryladders]

Well if other people are recommending vegaspete songs I would love to join in! “She is my religion” by pale waves works so well for them!!! Idk what your music taste is, but “sinematic” by motionless in white is also very very good for them imo

(My bl sideblog is mork-tee btw!! I don’t have it linked anywhere but that’s also me)

SHE'S MY RELIGION

Everybody wants to have their taste

I'm no different, I am just the same

But she helped me find a different kinda love

Made me feel like I was finally enough

But there's more going on behind the scenes

She needs this love just as much as me

This one's very catchy! I like the singer's voice 💖

SINEMATIC

You said you'd never love me

But look how hard someone can fall

I was supposed to save you from yourself

[...]

So put all your pride, all your guilt into me

And suck the breath from my lungs, I'll swallow your hate

We can't control how we hurt so we fuck the pain away

Not exactly my genre anymore (I think 19yo me would've liked it a lot more gbdudgs) but yeah.

Both songs feel like they're from a mixed PoV, alternating between Pete and Vegas 👀 I would say that Sinematic is mostly from Pete's PoV...

[sunflowergirl522]

Stuck in Westview

Pairing: Peter Maximoff x Reader

Request by Anon: Okay, okay, so I had an idea and idk you'll do it but it's worth a shot. Plant mutation reader x Peter where they both get stuck in Westview? I haven't really thought about it past that, so the rest is up to you!

A/n: The more I wrote this one the less I liked how it was turning out but I didn’t want to leave you hanging so I tried my best. I hope you like it.

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 2689

Masterlist

You didn’t remember much when the two of you first arrived in Westview. But you were with Peter and he seemed to know where he was going so you felt fine about it. You were ecstatic when the two of you walked up to the door and Wanda answered it. You’ve always wanted to meet Peter’s sister and now that you were, you felt like you were in a dream. Actually the whole time you’ve been in Westview has felt like a dream.

“You alright baby?” Peter’s voice breaks you out of whatever trance you were in and you look at him.

“Yeah, I’m good just lost in thought I guess, sorry.”

“You’re fine dear.” Wanda speaks as Peter wraps an arm around your shoulders and Vision comes down with a blanket and some pillows. “I uh, hope the couch will be fine for the two of you. The spare room still isn’t ready; we weren’t exactly expecting company.”

“The couch will be just fine Wanda.”

“Yeah sis, just gives us an excuse to be pressed against each other all night.” Wanda scoffs at Peter before bidding the two of you a goodnight.

“She’s nice.” You tell Peter as the two of you settle down to sleep.

“Yeah. I’m glad the two of you get along.” He yawns and kisses the top of your head as he pulls you into his chest.

In the morning you wake up well before Peter like normal. Though it was more the afternoon than the morning, you may always wake up before your boyfriend but you did end up adopting his poor sleep schedule. You lay next to him relishing in his warmth for a while before getting up and making your way into the kitchen for some cereal. Tommy comes down first and heads to the kitchen before Billy comes down dressed in a costume. 

“Halloween’s a magical holiday. All about family, friends, and the thrill of getting to be someone else for a day.” You think that he’s speaking to you at first but very quickly realize it’s like he’s talking to an imaginary audience. Your eyebrows scrunch together in confusion as you watch him from your spot on the couch at Peter's feet. You shake your head assuming it was just a kid thing and pick up your bowl to put it in the sink. “Where’s your costume Tommy?” 

“This is my costume. I’m the cool twin.”

“Then what does that make me?”

“Hmm, a dorkasaurus rex.” You hold in the chuckle that wants to escape as the joke seems to fly over Billy’s head as he tells his twin that it's not a real dinosaur. You high five Tommy when Billy leaves the kitchen with a smile before he follows his brother. The two of them bicker about Billy being scared of Peter not realizing that they’ve woken him up. 

“Blood is thicker than water! I show you!” You laugh as you watch Peter chase the kids around from the kitchen doorway. When Wanda comes down the stairs complaining about the noise you walk over to them and take your place next to Peter, who immediately wraps an arm around you bringing you closer to him. 

“I’m a Sokovian fortune teller.”

“Wow. That is so…lame.” You elbow him in the ribs when his statement causes Tommy to change his own from rad to lame. 

“I think you look great! If you didn’t have a husband I’d leave this doof and try getting with the better twin.” Wanda blushes slightly and laughs at your words. 

While Peter and Wanda talk about old Halloween’s you follow the twins to the couch to play video games with them. When Billy starts to talk to the invisible audience once more you look at him confused again before looking to see if Tommy noticed it too but he’s either too focused on the game or doesn’t see anything weird about it. Peter makes his way over eventually chuckling at something that happened. You give him your spot on the floor and sit behind him on the couch. 

“Hey babe you wanna go get 4 sodas from the fridge and we’ll teach these rugrats how to shotgun?” You just shrug and nod before getting up. “Get out of here, get out of here.” Peters trying to slap Tommy’s controller out of his hands to distract him as you juggle the four cans to the couch. You hand them out to the three boys before taking your spot again. Peter makes the holes in the bottom of their cans so they don’t hurt themselves trying and goes to do it for you just to find yours already done. “Alright when I give the signal you bring the hole to your mouth and open the can.” He makes sure they understand before exclaiming a ‘go’. Wanda and Vision soon start to fight and Billy once again speaks to the audience and Peter and you share a look after he scrunches his eyebrows up and looks to see if Tommy’s reacting. 

You must have zoned out after that though because the next thing you know Peters scaring Wanda at the door and Visions gone. When did they talk about shaving cream in water balloons you find yourself wondering as you overhear the conversation. It must’ve just happened when you were in your head again. 

“You don’t even have a costume.” Peter scoffs and then speeds off somewhere with Tommy to return in matching costumes that go with his power perfectly. “If I see any funny business, I am going to magic you into a pickled herring.” 

“Y/n I got you a costume too!” Peter speeds in front of you and drops a bag in your lap.

“What is it?”

“Just go put it on.” He pulls you to your feet and starts to push you towards the stairs. You can’t help but laugh after you get into the bathroom and open the bag up to find a Poison Ivy costume. Once you finish putting it on you notice part of an ivy plant still in the bag with a note from Peter reading ‘To make it more realistic ;)-P’. 

“Are you boys ready?” Wanda’s voice greets your ears as you make your way back downstairs.

“Yeah mom.” The twins speak at the same time and rush up to their mom who places her hands on their shoulders. 

“Pietro, you better not be bringing any shaving cream filled water balloons!” You don’t dwell long on the fact that Wanda’s been calling him Pietro, he’s already told you that when he and his mom moved to the states she had him start going by Peter. And now only his family really calls him Pietro even though they’ve gotten into the habit of using Peter instead.

“I’m not! See empty handed.” The sound of your laughter as Peter appeared in front of the family holding his hands out as proof drew all of their attention to you. “You look great babe. I dig the crown thing you’ve got going on.” You had decided to grow the ivy around your head and then around the rest of your body randomly from there.

“Thanks.” You blush a bit at the attention as you join the four of them in front of the door. 

“Woah aunt Y/n, who are you supposed to be?” Tommy asks as he takes in all the green.

“Have you guys really never seen a Batman show or read the comics? She’s Poison Ivy also known as Mother Nature, it fits Y/n a lot considering her power.”

“Her power?” Wanda asks as Billy asks you what it is.

“I can control plants.” You shrug it off because it’s not a big deal, there were plenty of cooler mutations than yours anyway (even if Peter would yell at you for thinking that).

“That’s so rad!” Peter high fives Tommy in agreement excited that his nephew likes it as much as he does.

“How did you get it?” Before you can tell Wanda that you were born with it, Peter gives her some bogus story that’s really similar to Poison Ivy's origin story. You’re confused because it doesn’t make sense for him to lie about it but you don’t have a chance to correct him before he’s taking your hand and pulling you out of the house to ‘get this party started’.

You watch smiling as Tommy and Billy race from house to house to see who can get the most candy and tune into what Wanda and Peter were talking about in time to hear him say she’s testing him. Why would she be testing him, for what?

“Hey, it’s cool. I know I look different.”

“Why do you...look different?” Look different? You turn to really study and look at Peter to try to see what she means. The only thing that’s different is that his hair is more blonde but that’s about it, it’s not some major change or anything. When the twins come back ready to keep moving down the street Peter brings you into a side hug and places a kiss on your temple before running with them to get more candy. Though you notice that Billy holds onto Tommy and Peter doesn’t even try to hold onto the backs of their necks. What happened to whiplash? 

As everything starts to feel off to you and you try to figure things out your head starts to feel hazy and it’s like your body goes on autopilot as you strike up conversation with Wanda. It’s like an out of body experience as you basically just watch the conversation happen without knowing what’s being said. You feel so lost and empty right in this moment and it only fades a little when Wanda starts to talk to someone else. You don’t fully snap back into it until Peter laces his hand in yours again.

“Pete,” you say to him when Wanda and the kids walk ahead of you, “I feel strange.”

“What kind of strange?” He places a hand on your forehead to check if you’re warm. “You don’t have a fever. Are you queasy? Do you wanna go back to the house?”

“No, it’s not that I feel sick. I just, I don’t know how to explain it. I feel like a prisoner in my own body.”

“I think I know what you mean. It happens very suddenly right? And then something snaps you out of it and you feel better?”

“Yeah that’s it.”

“Uncle P are you coming?” Tommy’s voice pulls the two of your attention to them and Peter plasters a smile on his face.

“Sure am little dude, just had to tell your aunt how hot she looks again!” He pulls you behind him as he catches up with his family. The five of you make your way to the town square scare as it starts to become night.

“It’s so lame that you’re making them return the candy.” Peter says after a moment of silence passes from when Wanda scolded the twins for stealing it in the first place.

“I can’t believe what a bad influence you are?” You start to think about her words, you know it’s been a while since they’ve seen eachother but surely this is what Peter acted like growing up. It’s definitely how he’s acted the whole time you knew him.

“It’s what you wanted isn’t it?”

“What happened to your accent?”

“What happened to yours?” You watch as they seem to have a mini showdown challenging the other. “Details are fuzzy, man. I got shot like a chump on the street for no reason at all and next thing I know I hear you callin me. I knew you needed me.” His words don’t sit well with you, they don’t sound right but something in the back of your head makes you trust them.

“Uncle P, guess what?” The twins run up and semi break the tension in the air with their excitement.

“They’ve got full size candy bars a few blocks up. Can we go Mom?” Tommy then speeds away and comes back with some of the bars in his hand. You and Peter look at eachother shocked and you can see the excitement on his face that his nephew has the same power as him.

“Right on, little dude! Chip off the old Maximoff block. You got super speed!”

“I do?”

“Yeah!” The two of them high five with big excited smiles on their faces and you stand back with an adoring one. Peter may be a bad influence but he’s really just so good with kids. When Tommy starts to speed around whooping in joy you step closer to Peter and wrap your arms around his stomach smiling up at him.

“If you’re gonna break the sound barrier at least take your brother with you.”

“Really?” 

“Yes really. And please just remember-”

“Don’t go past Ellis Avenue. We know mom.” After the twins run off and Wanda yells after them to be careful the three of you continue on your way to the town square where kids are running rampant and hay bales have been set up.

“This is so nice.” You say as you look around.

“Isn’t it?” Wanda responds and smiles over at you.

“Damn it, if Westview, New Jersey isn’t charming as hell.”

“I know that you guys must think that I’ve gone full soccer mom. But it really is nice right?” The three of you sit down on one of the hay bales in the center of town square. You smile and agree with her as Peter brings your legs over one of his and squeezes your thigh.

“I think mom and dad would’ve loved it.” You want to speak up and ask if Wanda knew about Erik but suddenly you couldn’t speak, it was like your lips were being forced closed. You started to feel that sense of being a prisoner again and as if he could sense your panic Peter squeezes your thigh again as he and Wanda talk about the kids in Westview. “I’m impressed seriously, it’s a big upgrade from giving people nightmares and shooting red wiggly woos out of your hand.” Leave it to Peter for being impressed when his family members do something people consider wrong. “I’m not some stranger, and I’m not your husband. You can talk to me, and Y/n too. She’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.”

“I don’t know how I did it. I only remember feeling completely alone. Empty. I just...endless nothingness.” She looks away and sniffles a bit before looking back over and gasping while covering her face.

“Are you okay?” You finally find your lips free in time to worry about Wanda and ask if she’s alright.

“I’m fine.”

“Uh huh.” Peter glances over at you as he hums not believing her.

“Mom!” The twins then rush over with Billy yelling for her over and over again.

“What is it Billy?” 

“I hear dad in my head. He’s in trouble. I don’t understand. What’s happening to me?”

“I think Billy might have powers too.” You whisper to Peter as the two of you get up and walk over to the trio. 

“Where is he? Where’s your dad?”

“Hey, don’t sweat it sis. It’s not like your dead husband can die twice.” Wanda’s quick to force him into the fake graveyard after he speaks.

“Oh my god!” You run over to Peter as Wanda’s attention goes back to her kids.

“God why did I say that?” Peter’s rubbing his head when you make it to him.

“Peter, Peter I think we should go.” You see Wanda getting ready to use her power again before looking back at Peter. “Now!” He grabs onto you and runs back to Wanda’s street. The hold that was in your mind is gone now and you can remember getting pulled into this city before not remembering anything. “Shit, Peter I don’t think we belong here.”

“I think you’re right baby. Let’s find a way out of here.”

Taglist: @amourtentiaa @simpforquicksilver @loveyou3000-mcu @quickparkers @buckysbeloved @elaineygrace @practicallylivesonline @stars-of-clarke​ @b3d0fr0s3s​

[kittybellestark]

Straightening Things Out

Part 2

Hey everyone so this is going to be a two part fic, tumblr told me I hit my limit soooo. 

This is the long awaiting MayxSkip with Bi!Peter fic I’ve been talking about, idk how long a 2nd part will take but I already have a bit written, which is super nice. Uh, yeah, this is heavy stuff, so prepare your hearts, bc mine hurts

TW: homophobia, depression, self harm, homophobic slurs, eating disorder (?), abuse, sexual assault, thoughts of suicide, questioning sexuality, alcohol

He’s not sure how he got here.

Well, he knows, but he just doesn’t understand it.

A year ago Peter was trying to get May with Happy. It seemed logical and safe. May wanted to get back into the dating pool, and while Peter was hesitant about the idea of May being with anyone other than Ben, he felt like Happy could be a good person for her to be with. That was safe, controlled even.

Pushing for May to be with Happy seemed like the right step. Supporting May in her decision to start seeing people again also make sense. Now, Peter regrets it. He should have told her no. That he wasn’t ready or comfortable with that.

He doesn’t understand why he’s in the bathroom cleaning up his own blood. He didn’t even go out as Spider-Man. Peter hates May’s new boyfriend.

Skip wasn’t safe. He wasn’t very kind either. And there was just something about him bothered Peter. And yet when Peter tried to talk to May about it, the complaints weren’t heard or taken seriously.

May doesn’t understand that Skip is a danger, and Peter can’t really talk to people about this.

Six months ago…

“Hey Happy.” Peter smiles jumping into the black ‘inconspicuous’ Audi.

“Hi Pete.”

After a few minutes of talking the conversation finally turns.

“How’s your aunt.”

Peter snorts, rolling his eyes. “She thinks she’s doing great. Still with Skip, he lives with us now. May isn’t very happy that Skip and I aren’t getting along too well though. She thinks that I have a problem with seeing her with other men, amongst other things.”

“Sounds like you don’t like him. I didn’t even think that was possible, you’re like a lab.” Happy chuckled.

“I resent that. I don’t like a lot of people who I don’t need to disclose to you. I was just expecting her to get with someone else, someone who was less I don’t know, just less.”

“You and me both kid. You and me both.”

-

Five and a half months ago…

Peter and May were making dinner together, the radio was playing softly and Skip was sitting in the dining room, beer in hand, listening to Peter and May’s conversation.

“How was school, baby?” May asked.

Peter hums as he chops some carrots. “There’s a new transfer at school. From Tennessee, he even lives with Mr. Stark.”

May pauses mixing the stir fry they were attempting to make. She smiles at Peter an eyebrow raised, waving the spatula at him.

“Is he cute?” She asked in a song-song voice.

Peter rolls his eyes with a smile. He sticks out his tongue, flicking some water at May. Skip watches with a smirk on his face.

“Yeah, yeah he’s really cute. Blond hair, blue eyes, southern charm and he’s so smart too. And tall. May, he’s also like muscular too, his arms? He used to work in a mechanic shop where he grew up, he could probably bench press me without breaking a sweat.”

“Sounds like you have a crush!” May squealed pulling Peter into a hug.

“You have a crush on a man? Are you gay?” Skip huffed with a laugh.

“Bisexual, actually.” Peter deadpanned. “Is that a problem?”

“No, no, not at all. Just surprised.” Skip laughed.

-

Five months ago...

May was at work, it was just Peter and Skip at home. Peter was in his room, the door was closed over, and Skip in the living room watching a sports game and drinking some beer.

While this wasn’t the most common occurrence, it wasn’t necessarily uncommon either. Peter would stay in his room and do homework or play some sort of online video game with Ned, Harley and MJ, typically Minecraft but sometimes they chose something else. Skip would watch sports or the news, but never a reliable source, always the Daily Bugle or Fox News.

Today was supposed to be like every other time. Peter was supposed to be in his room and Skip in the living room. But then Skip was in his room with him. Peter felt uneasy. It just didn’t sit right with him having the older man in his room.

“I think we need to talk, Pete.” Skip said sitting on Peter’s bed, while Peter stayed sitting at his desk.

“Sure, what about?” Peter tried to sound pleasant and kind, doing this for May.

“Well, I’ve been trying to broach this subject with you gently, but May and I have spoken about how we can cure you.”

Skip had the decency to look somber. His shoulders hunched forward, frowning. His eyes held remorse and regret. It only seemed to enrage Peter.

“Cure me? As far as I was concerned I was perfectly healthy.” Peter couldn’t help but snort.

“Of your sin, Peter. You like men, and we know that we have to cure you of it.”

It felt like all of the air had been taken out of his lungs. His heart stopped and the world blurred for a moment before Peter shook himself out of it. He pushed himself up out of his chair trying to back himself up, away from Skip. This wasn’t right. This was really wrong.

“May accepts me. She said so. She’s always supported me and accepted that I’m bi.”

“She didn’t know how to tell you she didn’t. She was crying quite a bit. May just didn’t know how to tell you. So she asked me to help fix you.”

Skip got up from the bed, walking over to Peter, trapping Peter in. Skip put an arm on each side of Peter’s body, resting his hands on the wall behind Peter. Peter felt trapped, his eyes wide as he looked around unsure of what he could do. May and Skip thought he was sick.

“She can’t-“ Peter cried, tears coming to his eyes. He didn’t want to accept it. This couldn’t be happening.

Skip put a hand on his shoulder.

“She does, Einstein, but it’s okay because I’ll fix you.”

-

Peter sat at their usual lunch table, Ned next to him, MJ, kiddie-corner to him and Harley across from him. His leg was bouncing as they all ate, but he couldn’t do more then push his food around his tray.

“There’s nothing wrong with me being bisexual right? Like, I’m still normal, I’m not sick or anything for liking more than just women right?”

It used to be old-hat for MJ and Ned to have to reassure Peter that being bisexual is okay. It was just last year that Peter finally started to feel secure in his sexuality and not question whether he was normal or not. It just always felt like Peter was faking his attraction to other genders.  

The group became silent with shock. None of them were prepared for Peter to have any insecurities about his sexuality, and it certainly wasn’t something that Harley was there to witness. It had been such a long time since he voiced this doubt. Ned and MJ gave each other looks, while Harley sat there starring at Peter slack-jawed.

“Sorry. I’ve just been in my own head recently. Bisexuality is valid and so am I. I know, I’m sorry, I just- what if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time? I’m sorry, I know I’m being silly.”

There was another moment of silence before Harley grabbed Peter’s hand.

“It’s not silly to question you’re own sexuality, Peter. Being bisexual is hard because people always try to invalidate you and tell you to just choose. It’s okay to be confused. Prefaces change from day to day and it is so confusing sometimes. We’re your people, we’re here for you no matter how you identify.” Harley smiled, something sad and soft.

-

Four and a half months ago...

Peter was trying to sleep. It wasn’t coming easily anymore. Skip and May were in the next room over. He should be able to sleep. But nothing felt right. Everything was always off, never normal, almost safe. It didn’t feel good.

There was the sound of footsteps in the hall before Peter’s door opened and closed. Peter tried to pretend to sleep, but the footsteps came closer to him then Skip’s hand was on his shoulder.

“Hey Einstein. I’ve got something for you.” Skip whispered, getting Peter’s eyes to open.

Peter pushed himself up and into the top corner of his bed, knees drawn to his chest. He really hated Skip. Hated his deep voice and pointy chin and crooked nose. He hated Skip’s receding hairline and beer belly. Peter hated Skip and everything about him. But mostly Peter hated that Skip and May knew there was something wrong with him.

Skip dropped some razors onto the bed. All loose and brand new. Peter looked at Skip like he was crazy. It was too late at night to register this.

“May and I were talking again. Anytime you have a sinful thought, any homosexual thoughts or desires just give yourself a cut. Obviously don’t do it in front of anyone other than me, but this should help bleed the faggot out of you.”

Peter gasped, eyes wide and shaking his head. He didn’t want to do this. Cutting himself was not something Peter ever wanted to start doing again. He got away from it, he recovered, and now the blades are being provided to him. Peter is being expected to cut this time. 

“I can’t do that. Anything but that Skip, please.”

Peter didn’t realize the tears that were pouring down his face, or how hard it was to breath. If it wasn’t for Skip wiping the tears from Peter’s face, he probably wouldn’t have noticed.

“Hey, no, no it’s okay, Einstein, it’s not as bad as it seems okay, look,” Skip took Peter’s wrist slicing it a few times, just enough to bring up blood up before handing the razor to Peter, “See? Nice and easy. Now I’m not going to leave until I see you try okay?”

Peter nodded, bringing the razor down on his skin and breathing a sigh of release as he broke his own skin.

-

Tony dropped food in front of Peter, two burgers and fries, before sitting down beside him. They were finally watching a movie after spending time in the lab and now Harley would be joining them too.

“Kid, we’ve talked about your eating habits. You need to eat more than a regular person. I don’t like seeing you lose weight this fast. I just like to see you happy and healthy.”

Peter knew he should say something. The razor in his pocket wasn’t normal and he should tell Tony. And his need to cut every time he thought about Harley, or the need to cut when he realized he was playing into Skips hands. But Peter didn’t want to lose his little therapeutic treatment again. He could do better at hiding it this time, especially with his healing factor now. Peter could keep this.

It’s his little secret with Skip. Peter could keep it safe. It made him feel better, and that’s what everyone wants, right?

“Oh yeah, sorry, I’ve just had a smaller appetite recently, I’ll do better, promise.” Peter nodded with a smile.

At that moment Harley walked into the room, giving Peter a crooked smile, a blush painted across his cheeks.

Peter would have to cut later, for thinking about Harley like that, and for doing what Skip told him and also for scarring Tony. Peter deserved this.

-

Four months ago…

Peter and Skip were alone together again.

It seemed to become more common now. Or maybe Peter was just getting used to having Skip try and cure him. He hated himself for wanting it to work. Peter just didn’t like himself much anymore.

“Einstein,” Skip slurred, “are you still a faggot?”

Peter flushed with shame, nodding. Peter really hated Skip for making him feel like this. For feeling shame for being bisexual and wishing he were straight. Peter hated himself a lot. He just wanted to be better.

“Shame, thought I’d have you straightened out by now. May is going to be disappointed to know you’re still a homo. I’ll have to start getting more aggressive with your treatments.”

Peter shook his head. He was already so tired, and he just wanted to feel safe in his home. He just needed to do what Skip and May wanted and then they’ll like him. All Peter needed to do was be straight, no matter what. He’s doing the right thing.

“How much more?” Peter’s voice cracked.

“As much as it takes to turn you straight.” Skip smiled.

He now gripped Peter’s face in both hands, thumbs on his cheeks. Skip used the hold he had on Peter to bring him towards the bathroom doorframe- the only metal frame in the house.

Peter didn’t fight. He was doing this for May. May wants him straight and wants Skip to do it. Peter scratched at his legs, where most of the cuts were, hoping that would convince Skip from stopping whatever he was doing. But it didn’t, of course it didn’t. Why would it convince Skip, when he’s only doing what’s best for better?

With his hold on Peter’s head, Skip jerked Peter’s head into the doorframe, with enough force to make Peter forget how to stand. Peter was only being held up by Skip's grip on his head when Skip lifted up his knee, forcing it into Peter’s stomach.

Peter groaned with the impact and Skip let him go and Peter fell to the ground. He barely managed to catch himself, resting his forehead on the cool floor. There was barely a moment before an on slate of kicks were delivered to Peter.

“No,” Peter sobbed, “stop, please, stop, stop, you’re hurting me.”

It was another few moments before Skip stopped kicking him with a huff. Skip sat down on the ground, putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder to comfort the boy. Peter continued to sob, barely able to support his own weight to get himself sitting.

“Einstein, I just want you to know that I don’t like doing this. I don’t want to do this, but May and I agreed that I have to do this. I’m sorry Einstein, but it’s for your own good.”

Skip pulled Peter onto his lap, rubbing Peter’s back to bring him some comfort. Peter relaxed into Skip’s hold when he realized that there wasn’t going to be more pain. They sat there for a while before Skip finally stood up, as Peter’s sobs were finally ending, bringing Peter to his room and tucking Peter into bed.

-

“Peter I’m worried about you.” MJ said after Academic Decathlon practice.

Peter was wide eyed, holding his book bag in front of him, using it as a shield. His clothing that used to only be a little bit large on him, now swallowed him completely, his cheekbones were sharper and anytime his sweater moved a little bit, his collar bone was revealed to be protruding from his chest. Peter flinched at people who moved too fast and his skin was pale with dark bags under his eyes.

“I’m okay MJ.” Peter smiled, but his eyes were still empty.

“Are you cutting again? You’re acting like you used too. I don’t like seeing you lose your spark.”

MJ moved forward, grabbing Peter’s hands in her own. His hands were cold against hers and shaking slightly. Her head tilted just a bit as she searched for answers on Peter’s face.

“I’m not- no, I moved past that.” Peter lied.

He couldn’t tell her. He needed to cut. He needed the freedom it gave him, the relief. It was one of the only things he had anymore that he still enjoyed. By telling MJ, Peter would lose his sanity. Everything would be okay as long as he had a razor on him, as long as he got to cut his skin open.

But he should tell her. Maybe that would get everything to end. If he just told someone, maybe Skip would stop hurting him. Or maybe they’d push for Skip to continue on with trying to cure him. This was for the best, after all.

“Peter, you’re one of my best friends, okay? So if you were cutting again, hypothetically speaking, know that you can come to me, I won’t tell anyone. Not even May or my parents.”

Peter nodded, looking away from her, hating himself for lying and hating that MJ was trying so hard. It would have been so much easier if he just liked MJ instead of Harley.

“Look, look, MJ, see no cuts,” Peter rolled up his sleeves to show healed skin and no scars, “I promise, I’m just a little stressed out right now, don’t worry about me. I’m just focusing on myself for now, I’ll be okay.”

“Okay, well, when is the last time you ate?”

“Right before practice.”

It felt nice for Peter to actually tell the truth. He was eating almost as much as usual. Typically the same amount unless he had time alone with Skip. Peter was just stressed and sometimes couldn’t keep his food down, but he still ate more than enough. He should be able to keep up his weight, the weight loss just sort of happened.

-

Three and a half months ago…

May was working the overnight shift again. It was a school night so Peter was at the apartment with Skip instead of the Tower like he would be on weekends.

Peter was finally sleeping, well actually he was passed out from exhaustion, but it was still a sort of sleep, technically. Somewhere between Skip moving in and their ever-more-frequent talks “chats,” Peter started to lose sleep. He would stay awake later, slit his wrists longer, and on top of that the surprise beatings from Skip were really taking an affect on Peter. All except the desired affect.

Peter was still bisexual. He didn’t want to be bisexual anymore. He just wanted to be normal, straight. Liking men was wrong, Peter was wrong. May and Skip just wanted what was best for Peter. And this was what was best. Skip was just helping Peter. He was straightening Peter out. This was just want needed to be done.

Skip stumbled into Peter’s room. He saw that Peter was tucked in under his blankets deep in sleep and Skip couldn’t help but climbing into the bed too. He pulled the teen into his body, breathing in how Peter smells, nuzzling his nose behind Peter’s ear.

Peter woke up trapped in Skips arms. He panicked trying to get out, it was just like The Vulture dropping a building on him again. But this time it wasn’t concrete but instead a man. A man who was supposed to be in love with his aunt.

“Skip.” Peter whined trying to wriggle free.

The older man moaned, moving a hand down to feel Peter’s length.

“I didn’t realize that you’d rub off on me. You’re trying to turn me into a homo. Einstein, you’re rejecting your treatment and trying to change me instead, and I don’t tolerate this very much.”

Peter shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. His whole body shook with nerves, and he thought he was going to vibrate out of his body.

“Skip, I promise I’m taking this seriously. I should be straight, I want to be straight. Just like you Skip, I’m trying really hard to be straight. I promise, I don’t want to be a disappointment to you or May anymore.”

The older man laughed, holding onto Peter tighter. He ground his hips further into the teen, making Peter whine and squirm more trying to break free.

“Einstein,” Skip moaned, “You’re ass, I swear it’s a woman’s. Your such a fairy, Einstein. I could just imagine you as a woman, you’re hair at your shoulders, this great ass and a tight pussy, your tit’s would probably be smaller, barely a handful, but you’d be so cute. Too bad you’re just bent.”

-

Harley sat across from Peter, cheeks blushed, watching Peter carefully. Peter no longer felt that the freckles painted across Harley’s cheeks and nose were cute, and he no longer felt comforted by being in Harley’s presence. Now Peter only felt dread. There was no more warmth or the feeling of being safe. 

Peter wasn’t attracted to Harley. He didn’t want to be with Harley, he was afraid of Harley. What Skip was doing was working. Peter was going straight. He wasn’t going to be bisexual anymore, he was only going to like women now.  Peter wasn’t going to be a freak or a fag or a fairy or a homo or bent. Peter was going to be straight. Skip was fixing him.

“Peter are you okay? You’ve been really spacey recently.” Harley asked keeping his voice soft and cautious. 

Peter smiled. It didn’t feel natural and probably didn’t look all that genuine, but Peter felt like he should be happy. He was happy that he this meant that May and Skip will not be disappointed in him. Maybe then Skip will like him. Now they can be a family

This is going to fix all of his relationships. People are going to like him better if he’s straight. He’ll only like women and be normal. It’ll solve so many problems for him.

“Yeah, Harls, I think I’m actually really good. Like, for real.”

Peter laughed, not one of his soft, bubbly and contagious laughs, the ones he was known for. Instead it was hallow and empty, self deprecating even. Harley’s eyes widened, suddenly more concerned for Peter than he’d been previously.

“Peter...” Harley sighed.

He reached out to grab Peter’s hand, watching Peter flinch back hard. Harley saw the moment Peter recognized what he did and how he tried to shake himself out of it, but he also saw how Peter moved to stay farther away from him.

“I’m good, Harls, really.” Peter nodded again.

“No, you’re not. There’s something seriously wrong. I’m going to figure it out. I’m going to make sure you’re okay.”

-

Three months ago…

Peter and Skip were finally alone. May had been on a stretch of day shifts and Peter’s friends were more persistent on having Peter go out with them during evenings. They were even tracking his food intake. The group was becoming obsessive over Peter now. And Peter was sick of it.

But now Peter was home alone with Skip. He could finally tell the man the good news. It’s been well over a week since Peter had and romantic or sexual feelings for another man. There’s only been fear, with any he looked at. Peter didn’t want to be attracted to men. Skip was curing him. May and Skip will finally accept him again.

As soon as May stepped out of the apartment Peter left his bedroom and sat down on the couch beside Skip. The man smiled at the boy, licking his lips before pinning Peter onto the couch. Skip groped at Peter for a moment, before pressing sloppy kisses onto his neck.

“No, stop, Skip I don’t like this.” Peter fought. “I just wanted to tell you that it worked. I don’t- I’m straight. You cured me. It worked. You and May don’t have to be disappointed in me anymore.”

Skip laughed. Loud and boisterous, pressing his weight down onto Peter. His hands moved up and down the teens frame, removing Peter’s clothes. Peter struggled harder, tears pouring down his face, sobbing out pleas to be let go. He tried fighting it, fighting Skip to keep his clothes on.

“You see Einstein, while I’ve made you straight, you’ve made me a fag. So this is going to have to continue, just a little until I no longer view your twink-ass as jailbait.”

Peter sobbed harder, trying to use his elbows to get away. Instead, Skip just pressed a hand into a patch of fresh cuts, forcing Peter’s vision to white out for a moment, that was just long enough to take off Peter’s underwear off.

“Skip, Skip no. No. I’m not. I swear, I didn’t make you like men. I didn’t do it. I’m straight now. You fixed me, I swear. You need to stop. You don’t want to go there. You don’t want this.”

Peter tried begging. He tried pleading, but he couldn’t stop Skip. It was too late. Skip had a plan and he wasn’t going to stop.

“Real funny that you think you know what I want, Einstein. This is for the best though, I promise, I’m doing this for you.”

-

It was movie night with May. Skip was out meeting up with his old friend was college. So it was just Peter and May. In their living room.

Peter couldn’t sit on the couch. Well, sitting in general wasn’t really working. So Peter just laid down on the ground, and May took the couch.

“Peter, I’m proud of you, you know that?” May finally spoke, halfway through Tangled.

“You are?” Peter didn’t anticipate his voice cracking, but hearing that May was proud of him? It was worth everything.

“Of course, baby. Skip told me that you let him help you, and I’m so proud of you for accepting help. He said that you’re problem was resolved with his help too. I’m so glad you two are getting along.”

Peter heard the words of confirmation that what Skip has been doing is what May also wants. She’s proud of him. She’s happy that Skip fixed him. May is glad that Peter is straight and that Skip turned him. It breaks Peter’s heart to actually hear it from May.

Peter never wanted to do it anyways.

And yet here he is. Having done it for her. He did this for May. To be accepted by May. So that he isn’t a disappointment in her life. And he isn’t happy. He’s not happy with himself, or Skip or May. Peter thought this would make him happy.

Peter wishes he born properly. Born straight. Born not wanting to harm himself. He wishes that the feeling that he needs to die never existed. Peter wishes he could be himself and be loved by his family. It shouldn’t have to be one of the other.

“Thanks.”

He tried not to choke on the acid rising up his throat.

-

Two and a half months ago…

It doesn’t stop. Skip doesn’t stop. His brain doesn’t stop. The fear didn’t replace the attraction like Peter originally thought. It’s just more confusing now.

Peter just wanted this to end.

Skip wasn’t going to end this.

-

Tony and Pepper had invited Peter, May and Skip over for dinner. Tony had made loads of his famous lasagna, and Pepper made a spinach dip appetizer and they ordered cheesecake for dessert.

All the adults seemed to be having a conversation together while Harley and Peter talked among themselves.

“I have an announcement.” Skip smiled at May, bringing the attention to himself.

“I asked May to marry me yesterday and she said yes.”

Peter was sure that this would be what killed him. Skip was his life sentence for whatever Peter did wrong. Skip was going to be his step-uncle, his new guardian.

Tony, Pepper and Harley congratulated the couple, and Tony patted Peter’s shoulder. Wine was brought out Peter couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m just, I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be back.” Peter smiled pushing himself out of his spot.

“Hurry back Einstein, we’re gonna be a family, we have to celebrate together.”

Peter was going to be sick.

He nodded and left the room, shutting himself in the bathroom and throwing up.

This isn’t what he wanted. Skip can’t be there for the rest of his life. This was wrong. Everything about this was wrong.

-

One month ago…

Peter was sure Skip was going to kill him. Or use him forever.

Peter didn’t like either option.

-

“I don’t want them to get married.” Peter confessed.

Happy pulled the car over, turning in his seat to see Peter. The kid wasn’t looking very good, he reminded Happy of 2008 era Tony. It wasn’t a very good look on a kid.

“You feel like it’s too soon after Ben? Or is it because of how fast-paced their relationship has been?”

Peter had tried not to think about Ben since Skip moved in. He didn’t want to picture the look of disappointment Ben would give him. Peter didn’t want to think that he is a failure in Ben’s eyes. Ben would believe that Peter brought this onto himself.

‘With great Power Comes Great Responsibility.’

Ben always said that. And yet Peter failed. He gave away his power, and was completely responsible for where he is now. Peter did everything wrong and Ben would know that. He took his uncles advice, his dying words, and ruined them, broke them, tossed them in the trash and set them on fire. Ben would hate this Peter, and Peter knew that like he knew how to breathe.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I just- I don’t think I’m ready for May to be married yet. It just feels like Skip is trying to replace his spot. I don’t want the to get married yet.”

Happy nodded in understanding, trying to give the teen a small smile.

“Pete, no one is ever going to replace Ben. He was your uncle, your guardian, your parent, he raised you. Skip could never live up to that.”

-

Present day…

There’s blood.

Peter is in the bathroom cleaning up his own blood and he doesn’t understand how he got here.

Well, he knows how. He just doesn’t understand it.

And he doesn’t know where to start cleaning it. Peter doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. This was all horribly wrong.

Peter knew he couldn’t stay here much longer though. Skip had gone back to his own bedroom, after a rough ‘session’ with Peter. And now Peter is alone, and bleeding and he needs to get out.

Peter picks up his phone and makes a call.

“Hey, can you uh, come pick me up, I can’t stay here, I need, uh I need to get out of here.”

“Yeah kid, you got it. I’ll be there in half.”

“Meet me, uh, two blocks up from here actually.”

“You okay, Underoos?”

Peter hung up the phone.

He hoped in the shower hoping the water would get rid of the blood, hoping the soap would wash Skip away. And when that didn’t work Peter put on an oversized sweater and large sweatpants. Peter packed untainted clothing into his book bag and left through his window and down the fire escape, putting his hood up.

This was a mistake.

Leaving was a mistake. Skip was only doing what he thought was- no. No. No. Peter can’t go back.

He won’t live through this. Peter doesn’t want to live through this.

He scratched at his arms as he made it to the spot that Tony was supposed to pick him up.

Peter was going to be sick.

How could he let it get this far? Peter shouldn’t have let this happen. This was all wrong. Why is he relying on Tony to take him away. What if Tony agrees with Skip?

Peter coughed up blood.

New plan.

Go with Tony, make sure his stomach isn’t bleeding, once he’s good, leave. Go fast. Stay away from cameras. Go to Canada. Or Florida. Get out of New York. Go far. Somewhere where May and Skip won’t think he’ll go.

Tony pulls up and Peter hops into the car quickly. Tony doesn’t start driving right away though. Instead he looks at Peter, seeing the fear in the boys eyes, as well the way he is unconsciously scratching his arms.

“What’s happening?”

Peter shakes his head, tears filling his eyes.

“Please, just drive, I can’t be here. Can’t be in the city right now.”

“Is this drugs?” Tony asks as he starts to drive, hoping that Peter won’t leave. “I don’t care if it is, I can get you help.”

“It’s not drugs. It’s probably be easier if it was drugs. Honestly, I wish it was drugs. I can’t go home though, okay? Please don’t tell May.”

“Okay. We can do that for now but I will eventually have to tell her where you are so her and Skip don’t get worried.”

“You can’t” Peter shouted jerking upright and pushing himself further away from Tony. “You can’t. Skip can’t know. He’ll kill me, I swear, he can’t know, I can’t go back.”

Tony nodded, as Peter seemed to fall apart in front of him, hoping that appearing casual while driving will keep Peter talking.

“So we don’t like Skip, alright. Is there a reason why?”

Peter sobbed and Tony was tempted to pull over right then and there, but he knows that scaring Peter would cause him to run, so he needs to keep driving.

“He said he’d help. He did the opposite.”

Tony hummed, bringing them out of the city and towards the compound. Peter was rocking himself slightly, clearly uncomfortable. He started to cough, blood splattering across his arms.

“What the hell, Parker?” Tony said stepping on the gas.

“No Skip, Tony. Promise me, we don’t get him involved even if that means keeping May in the dark. You bring Skip into this then I’m leaving. Okay?”

“Jesus, yeah, okay, promise. We’ll keep him out of this, I got you. No Skip, we don’t want him, I got it Pete.”

Peter nodded, feeling relief wash over him as he was finally in a safe spot. He was out. He was out of that god forsaken apartment. No Skip means he’s safe. Safety means he can finally sleep. So he closed his eyes.

-

Tag List: DM or send and ask if you would like to be added, if you only want to be tagged in pt2 please make that clear  

@peterbeanie @jean-and-diet-coke @dead-inside-pt2 @they-were-cloudsinmycoffee

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

idk if u care but crispin gray recently had an interview about his entire career and it kind of changed my perspective of queenadreena…idk if for better or for worse lol. it was weird to see him so dismissive of a lot of his catalogue w katie except for ‘love your money’ just because that was the only remotely chart successful song. i get you want to be able to sustain yourself but jeez him and katie really had a weird back and forth relationship

Sorry i'm replying late, i've seen the interview pop up on Youtube but honestly i was too invested in university shit recently & generally not in the good mood for that but i'm planning to watch. How did it change your view on Queen Adreena, did he say something mean specifically on QA or Katie? I mean i gotta watch it but honestly? Not surprised in the slightest. A few years ago he was asked to describe fave songs he recorded throughout the years and he listed more of Daisy Chainsaw ones than anything else, with Love Your Money as number 1. The differences in their points of view are real something, Katie Jane absolutely HATED Love Your Money, same as Daisy Chainsaw. Kinda apparent he wanted bigger fame but DC dropped fast and QA failed to live up to their predictions.

i had a time when i liked to dig up old Queen Adreena interviews that are lost in the old internet & generally not available for years (which i planned to post on is-she-suffering but my investment in that site is... varied in its intensity). Also that was back in the days when i wrote Queen Adreena book during manic phase and tried to sell it but lost motivation Well since i don't do anything with that knowledge anyway i'll put what i know here as i love fan discussions

So they sure had/have odd back and forth love-hate relationship & that's the reason why their career went how it went. There's been a huge tension between them at some point. I'm sure you know she had a major mental breakdown (probably schizophrenic episode) after Daisy Chainsaw, or even beginning before her leaving, and then she went into isolation and lived with an old woman in Lake District for awhile. She left Daisy Chainsaw cause Crispin didn't want her to come up with her own songs (all of DC was by Crispin except for Lovely ugly brutal world by KJ).

They almost split up as Queen Adreena after Drink Me. The material for The Butcher and The Butterfly was written at different times, originally it was meant to be called Atom Bomb at Bikini but it was constantly delaying and they eventually recorded everything they've got live. So that's obvious right? But i was surprised to find out they were writing songs separately. Some of them (i forgot which though) were written by Katie Jane and Pete Howard's sons band (they're even credited) + some with Melanie Garside, Richard Adams + some other musician. Katie Jane didn't like it. They intended it to be their last album at the time. She also hated live at ICA show but they released it cause they were broke

But that's a digression. I just wanna say that at this point they were done with each other but kept pushing it. Katie had her own art projects and stuff, Crispin started Dogbones with Nomi and i just remember how vaguely pissed at Katie he waas in the interviews. Like he stressed that Dogbones is his number one priority and if Katie wants to do something with Queenadreena, she must wait til Dogbones have a break first or something, and it sounded oddly bitter.

RaCH and Djinn era are just so weird, they had opportunities but let them go in a way. I don't think many people know but they were huge demand in Japan. They entered album charts and were interviewed by 11 magazines and 6 (!)TV stations there (wtf happened to that material i want to know???). But they only played 5 times or less.

Katie said she considers the band dead but they decided they can try to play for a couple more months. But aside from that she 100% lost the interest in the band around Djinn. There's an interview where she says "the overall image is Crispin but the shape will change again at rehearsals". And you can hear it, it’s more blues rock than anything. IMO it's their worst production wise. Instruments are fine but Katie's voice is so badly produced that sometimes i find some songs fucking irritating, cause they didn’t cut out her breaths and the vocals are TOO LOUD, to the point of distorting. As if she stands too close to the mic. The album is fine but it feels unfinished.

And here we come back to Crispin... here's what he said after the QA split:

Why the Dogbones started? “I needed to work more than the previous band I was in was working, the previous band who shall remain nameless, haha… um… Queenadreena. I wanted to work more than the singer of Queenadreena wanted to work… so that’s why it started. Fine by me… but I really like to be in a band, I’m not a solo project kind of guy. The last album (‘Djin’) did come out in the UK, but it was so low key because Katie kind of disappeared so there was little point in promoting it. Personally it’s my favourite by far so it was a shame but there you go… So here are Dogbones, it’s not been an easy ride but we are trying very hard.

Ok so the bitterness is kinda apparent isn't it. I think there were two reasons why they argued so much, first musical differences. Katie at some point lost interest in loud rock music for some years and went the folk way in Ruby Throat. I have a theory that Taxidermy and Drink Me are more influenced by Katie Jane and Butcher and Djinn are more Crispin. During first albums i think Katie more actively took part in music composition and choosing arrangements. She wrote lyrics, melodies but also composed a lot of songs on some little electronic keyboard thing and 4 track (Heavenly Surrender, Pray for me, My Silent Undoing, all Lalleshwari +more). Plus she wanted more peaceful/dreamy sound on Taxidermy than full on rock, Crispin complained about it in some 00's interview, that he'd like it to be more rock. Then there are 2 versions of Drink Me, the original has rough and alt versions of songs (it was sold by Katie and it's leaked on FB and probably YT). Crispin Gray apparently really hated the final Drink Me. Now next album is The Butcher & The Butterfly and it's more standard blues rock, no more crazy dreamy things of previous albums etc., Djinn is even more blues rock but darker. Djinn was his favourite at some point while KJ hated Butcher, not sure about Djinn. So i think they had different views on where they should go, Katie made her weird simplistic creepy tunes (like Lalleshwari) and folk melodies adding that strange things to noise rock. Crispin probably wanted blues & rock.

Other than that, i’m convinced they are bitter exes, lol. There’s been rumours about them dating during Daisy Chainsaw for years, plus Katie had a history of dating band members. Crispin wrote X-ing off the days about her. I don’t know if they dated again in Queen Adreena. Then there’s this interview, timeline is unclear, either The butcher & the butterfly or later:

„Katie writes all the songs herself and often looks for melodies and structure with the drummer. With Crispin - her husband or ex-husband, which is not entirely clear to me - for almost three years she has no longer been in a room. "Sometimes we send him a letter with a new song and that's all we can do. All we have are our lungs and our musical talent and we have to do with it. It is repugnant difficult life, I know most of the time how I should deal with it." But Queenadreena will still remain even exist? "I think so, we are now pretty busy and I see where the ship aground.”

I always wondered what exactly happened after Djinn, i’ve seen Katie Jane say „i think they gave up on me” while others said she disappeared. Other times CG said there’s no bad blood between them but at the same time there’s been some weird tension.  As of recent i thought they reconnected somehow through the internet and had a good relation but who really knows.s

I get why Crispin gets irritated when people compare everything he does to „stealing from KJ” but honestly, he gave them good reasons, at least in the 90’s. I can believe Starsha Lee singer isn’t copying Katie cause she’s from Brazil or something and she didn’t know Queen Adreena before. But everything else… Crispin’s problem is that he doesn’t know what he wants. He spent 90’s chasing something, tried singing himself, had girl singer replacements and even one KJ copy. Dogbones was ironically his most original non-Katie band, even with all their grunge influences. In a way he wants to be a frontman and at the same time doesn’t. Idk if he’s very controlling, but Daisy Chainsaw shows he valued his songs/lyrics first & in Queen Adreena he had to step back a lot, cause Katie’s condition was she would be in charge of the lyrics. I don’t think he realizes how strongly Daisy Chainsaw issues affected Katie, i mean from her own words you can read that aside from media attention/hate, her being unable to write lyrics had a role in her breakdown. I think she now let go but for years she hated remembering Daisy Chainsaw and she felt kind of worthless cause she was only somebody else’s mouthpiece. I’m not trying to say he’s cruel or anything, but i firmly believe rock lyrics writers should sing their own songs or else there are problems.

They both were writers-composers with different vision and i have impression they struggled a lot while shaping their songs, cause they both stuck to their ideas. Hence 2 versions of Princess Carwash maybe. Katie once said that he „gets terribly upset with her” cause she writes her songs on a simple wind organ and uses a few chord buttons only. Clash of writer ways/personalities/egos and at some point they had to let go.

Maybe he prefers music/bands where he was 100% in control including lyrics (note he wrote/sang some lyrics in Dogbones too). Daisy Chainsaw achieved bigger success US and UK wise as they were offered to play Top of The Pops, and they’re more well liked/remembered by „general alt public”. Queen Adreena however is way more valued as a cult band, with cult following and admiration in UK & France. Most people think Pretty Like Drugs and other QA songs are his best work and he probably finds it irritating cause truth is, he never managed to be more successful than Daisy Chainsaw/Queenadreena. Love Your Money is ironically the least Crispin Gray/DC/QA sounding song in my opinion. I kinda find it irritating that he downplays Queen Adreena cause it was probably his best work in this band but whatever

So yeah sorry for the word spill, that’s what i can think of it right now but as i said, i haven’t watched the interview yet, it’s just this kind of treatment is in a way consistent for him

[earlgreytea68]

Happy Endings

A few people recently, in talking about RPF, have espoused the opinion that nothing breaks your heart like RPF, that, inevitably, the band breaks up, the athletes get traded, the actors move on to the next project. And I was like, "Well, yeah, but all OTPs break your heart in canon." And it struck me that...maybe I'm weird hahaha. Maybe other people have had more satisfying fictional OTP experiences than I have. I am not saying that no fictional OTPs have satisfying HEAs, but I am saying that I have never been fannish about a fictional OTP that had a satisfying HEA:

Josh/Donna from "The West Wing": Okay, yes, they end up together and that's great but it was hardly satisfying, given how it happened, suddenly and abruptly, as the series was winding up, after years of contrivances to keep them apart for no good reason other than that steadfast belief that you can't let a couple get together before the show is ending.

Dan/Casey from "Sports Night": That show ends with a last-minute save of the show but the entire finale is all about them separating from each other (and that shift in focus to Rebecca that nobody really cares about lololol).

Doctor/Rose from "Doctor Who": I think they thought they were giving me a satisfying HEA by flinging a clone onto the planet with Rose but "Journey's End" has always enraged me, like, it always feels like RTD was like, "Hey, people want to see David Tennant and Billie Piper make out" instead of "People want to see the Doctor and Rose Tyler make out," which is...not what I got to see because instead I got to see her make out with some weird character who looked like the Doctor who'd unexpectedly shown up (contriiiiiivance! can be shouted like "tooooooe piiiiiiiick!" with most of my shows). I remember a friend of mine, after JE, saying, "I've just got to let the fic writers convince me that the clone Doctor really was the Doctor, and then I'll feel better," and well, like, no, that means the fic writers have to fix the unsatisfying ending the actual canon creator gave you.

John/Sherlock from "Sherlock": Like. Do I need to talk about this. Lol.

Then I moved on to Inception in an effort to have zero canon at all, like, I DECIDED I'D HAD ENOUGH OF CANON CREATORS. Which is fine, that worked out well for me, but in no universe do Arthur and Eames have a satisfying canon HEA because they barely even exist in canon.

Anyway, the truth is, I do not trust canon creators at all. In my experiences charted above, they have never once proven them capable of landing a satisfying happy ending, and often, even worse, they have proven themselves actively working against it, manipulating the facts of their fictional world to thwart happiness. They get to control every aspect of the world, and they use that control to make their characters unhappy. It's possibly no surprise this is my jaded view of fictional OTPs. My first OTP was Jo/Laurie from Little Women, maybe the ultimate example of a fictional OTP ripped apart by an unkind creator.

I know all of this is just my view. People are allowed to disagree. Some people found Journey's End very satisfying. Some people think Jo/Laurie would have been a disaster (they're probably right, but I wish I'd been more convinced of that in canon). But anyway, it's not true that I think RPF breaks your heart more than any other kind of shipping. I think all kinds of shipping ultimately break your heart. You've put yourself in the hands of people with their own storytelling goals and desires that don't necessarily align with yours. This is why it was so glorious to show up in Inception-land and feel fairly confident that Christopher Nolan wasn't going to want to show up and do something awful to these characters. They were safe.

I would feel totally differently if I were living through the hiatus but so far, I kind of trust Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump not to get stranded in separate dimensions, or have one of their wives try to shoot the other one and then Idk somehow make it all that person's fault, or whatever the hell happened there. I don't think that stuff will happen, because they're real people who want to be happy, not fictional creators with the opposite goal for their characters. So, in that respect, maybe you can trust some kinds of RPF even more.

[leafinthebreeze]

Hi, Ive followed your blog for a while bc I find it really informative but there are things i’m finding I resonate with a lot. can you recommend me to any good checklists or even surveys on narcissistic abuse. I need something to help me think through my experiences and the scenarios logically. I feel it may be what I’ve gone through but idk. when I read certain traits of what happened it fits and it explains the emotions I’ve felt but I also feel it’s a stretch and that i shouldn’t be judging my mom so harshly. I feel i’m at fault all the time even though I’ve come to realize there were things that were unfair and damaging to me about our relationship, esp after I had some friendships that were really one-sided, and I’ve tried to put more distance between us already (which is hard to do now I’m in college at home bc of covid.) I have felt for quite a long time something is wrong but idk if I’m the abuser or if she was. Maybe i’m the narcisssist. Anyway I just want to think through this more but I want to make sure I’m being logical about it and have good resources on it. Thank you.

Hi! Thank you for reaching out. You sound like a smart and strong person. Remember that to even come to a point where you have to ask if your mother is a narcissist is not normal for people with healthy, loving, caring mothers. It doesn’t really matter whether she has the full blown personality disorder, the traits and behaviors are enough to cause you significant damage. Our mothers are our “first love” and shape our idea of ourselves and relationships in our development. The fact you have already started to set boundaries is really good! Your thought process that you display in this message indicates to me that you’ve been gaslighted. Likely blame has been shifted onto you so many times that it’s become an internal belief for you. It’s actually heartbreaking. I know this all too well. My mother emotionally abused and controlled me, covertly and insidiously, until I was 28. Keep in mind that her mind games/manipulation may be so subtle and complex that without specifically learning about the tactics you won’t even realize what she’s doing to you (tactics like word salad, future faking, crazy making, trauma bonding, love bombing, projection). I don’t know if you’re a daughter but I’ve compiled information I find helpful on my side blog here @daughterofanarcissistmother the pinned post is actually a checklist for narcissist mothers, from the book “Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers” (Karyl McBride, Ph.D.) Also I would recommend the resources on pete-Walker.com for general information on emotional abuse many in society are not educated on. Approach all this at your own pace, check in with yourself if you’re getting overwhelmed, learn grounding and self soothing techniques that help you. I recommend journaling along with research, you know how you felt then and you know how you feel now. Your feelings are valid.

[bruno-bronze]

TPP spoilers again but This Time I’m Thinking

Please understand i have my loving Peter goggles on. I can’t get them off, they’re kind of stuck. So this is going to lean embarrassingly optimistic:

Peter’s so clearly putting in work with his relationships on the Carte Blanche, most especially with Juno. But IDK, he seems like he’s trying, especially given that Jet and Vespa are. . . less than receptive. And the part of me that’s just waaay too optimistic re: Pete things wants to believe this move is part of that. Because a debt is something that’s regularly discussed going into committed relationships. And in Shadows on the Ship it’s clear he and Juno have had that discussion to some (very vague lmao) extent. If it’s really so big and awful (and it must be. They have his name. Is there anything bigger, more awful for Mister control your name and you control yourself?) he can’t possibly tie himself too firmly to someone else, to a family before it’s resolved. Like, it seems like he sat and scraped by with being in debt/possibly blackmailed for a while. What changed? It’s gotta be the two things we saw at the end of Man in Glass when he was so vulnerable: his very specific excitement for the curemother prime and the potential for having a home, putting down roots. The desire to stay.

He notes how much Juno’s changed from the get-go and he’s had at least months(? iirc) of Buddy administering reluctant couple’s not-therapy. I can imagine him knowing that he could hurt Juno by deceiving him, deceiving them all--but also feeling that Juno’s changed, Juno’s worked on resolving his past, isn’t it his turn? Isn’t this the work he needs to do to have this? And if Juno hates him for it, well. Then he was never going to be able to have this, time to pack it up and disappear.

(which is all very dramatic of him)

And that it was revealed in this episode! Because if he is getting ready to pull some harebrained heist, some double-cross, to ask forgiveness and not permission - well. That’s what Rita just did, right? On a few levels - to get the book, but also in her investigation of Peter, in just (pretty casually!) dropping his name in front of Juno when she had no real idea if he knew that information.

But then there’s the (kind of pointed!!!! combined with her telling him oh, were you going to let me know before you staged a mutiny? I would’ve worn my jaunty hat.) bit from Buddy about letting people do their thing, even though you’re concerned about where they’ll end up. I think she can still read Peter better than he expects. And the bit from Jet about how it’s better to not know what someone’s up to and know that they’re well than to know exactly everything about the awful state they’re in.

UGH i don’t know!!! I feel like this episode told me a lot of things and I understood like five of them and they were mostly the robot kisses, when Rita said trans rights, and that Peter made another joke(???) involving elephants.

[spiiderfics]

Hi hi hi! Could you do a headcannon for being best friends with Peter B. Parker??

Best Friends {SV! Peter B. Parker x Platonic! Reader}

A/N: I know its been a while! Buuut this is a little something until I figure out how to post more without messing up my school schedule. Also not sure if this is what you wanted but I liked it. 

Warnings: some curse words but tis’ okay

How you met: 

It was lunch and you were a new kid, sitting alone at the lunch table

Peter and MJ (Not sure if they were together in high school but let’s just pretend they are.) decided to sit with you. 

“Hi! I’m Peter and this is my girlfriend MJ.” 

“I’m Y/N, Nice to meet you.” 

And from then, it was history. 

After High School: 

By the time you graduated high school, everywhere you looked, it was about Spiderman, from billboards, popsicles, and even a Christmas album. (The wrong spiderman but let me liveeee)

You and Peter got jobs at The Daily Bugle, Peter was the photographer and you were a Journalist.

MJ and Peter were getting serious and you were rooting for your favorite couple. 

“The day you propose to MJ will be the happiest day of my life.” 

“What about when you get proposed to?” 

“This isn’t about me right now, Pete.”

You spotted Peter going ring shopping one day out. 

“PETER BENJAMIN PARKER!” 

“Y/N! What are you doing here?” 

“How could you go ring shopping without me?” 

“This was a spur of the moment! I just saw the store while walking and just started thinking!”

You both started looking together. 

And when he proposed it was the most romantic thing you ever saw. 

Finding out about Spiderman:

You were set on finding out who Spiderman was, but Peter wasn’t as excited as you were.

“ Pete! Jameson wants raw material for Spiderman! Are you sure that you can get those pictures? This is super important!” 

“Oh, sure. I got it under control!” 

His behavior was concerning for you, but both of your jobs were on the line so you just blamed it on that. 

But when Peter came back with selfies of Spiderman, you got suspicious. 

You pulled Peter to the side after showing Jameson the pictures and asked him about it.

“How’d you get the pictures, Parker?” 

“Oh, y’know Spiderman just swooped in, took the camera, and started taking the pictures! He’s cool like that!” 

You didn’t believe him. 

“You know I noticed, that whenever Spiderman is around, you’re always gone-”

“To find a better angle for pictures duh!” 

You sniffed around him. 

“I smell bullshit!” 

Peter rolls his eyes. 

You could’ve kicked yourself for not noticing before. 

“Holy shitballs, you’re him, aren’t you? You’re Spiderman…” 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. You seriously can’t think- Okay, I can’t lie to you, I am Spiderman. But don’t tell anyone! Only Aunt May and MJ know.” 

“Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. No doubt. No doubt. ” (ahhh I love b99!) 

Peter’s life’s going downhill

It wasn’t until after Peter and MJ got married, Peter started to act different. 

You were sitting at Stan’s (Let’s just call that the name of the burger joint he loves so much) a new diner you found that had great reviews and Peter was enjoying it a little more than you. 

“You gonna eat those fries? Mine are a little soggy.” 

“Pete, touch my fries and I’ll end you.” 

“You know what! Maybe I can do better than this! I can have my own restaurant!”

A week later Peter invested into a Spiderman themed restaurant. 

You were there with your fiance in support, but when you arrived there was yellow tape and closed signs were all over the front of the restaurant. 

“Pete, What the hell happened?” 

“Too many bad reviews. It got shut down.” 

Peter sat on the curb, devastated. 

“I put so much money into this. Now it’s all down the drain.” 

“It’s gonna be okay Pete! You got me.” 

But, boy you were wrong because 15 years later, Peter was in the hospital because he broke his back, Aunt May had passed, he got hit in the face by a drone and if it couldn’t get any worse, he and MJ divorced.

During the 15 years, the opposite had happened for you. 

You got married, had three kids, aged 7, 5 and 3, and  had a pretty stable job. 

Your kids ADORED their uncle Peter.

“Y’know Pete. I know it’s pretty hard right now but you are gonna get through this! Because no matter what, you always get back up again!” 

“I don’t think you understand, Y/n. All I knew was MJ. I only know how to love MJ. How can you expect me to try and move on?” 

His tone was a little angry but he was going through alot and all you could do was be there for him.

“Right. No, You’re totally right. Well, I gotta go make dinner, You’re more than welcome to come. You know the kids and (Spouse name) always love to see you...” 

He didn’t respond.

“I love you, Parker.” 

Peter’s Dissapearence/Return:

A few days later, you didn’t hear from Peter. 

You got nervous 

And thought of the absolute worse. 

Your spouse assured you, he would be alright and he might be taking a vacation.

You tried putting your focus on other things but it never worked. 

Cameras, Fries, even the color red made you think of your best friend.

You got tired of waiting to hear from him so you called MJ. 

“Hey, MJ. I know it’s been a while since we talked, but have you seen Peter...I uh, haven’t heard from him so I’m starting to get worried.” 

“No, I’m sorry, Y/N. I haven’t.” 

“Oh. Okay. Thanks anyway.” 

You asked his neighbors if they heard anything, but they haven’t seen him leave his apartment either.

You decided to take matters into your own hands and visit his apartment.

It looked as if it was hit by a tornado. 

All his stuff was untouched. 

He and the Spiderman Suit were gone. 

But just as you were about to leave, a portal opened up on the ceiling.

And things in the room started to float around. 

“What the-” 

You hear screaming, and something heavy falls behind you. 

The portal closes and the stuff in the room hit the ground

You decide to just leave and pretend that never happend until you hear.

“Y/N?” 

The voice made your heart skip a beat. 

“Peter?” 

You turn around and there was your best friend lifting himself off the ground.

“Peter!” 

You ran into his arms

You didn’t even try to stop the tears.

“What the FUCK! WHAT!” 

“I know. I know. It’s a long story.” 

“I got time.” 

“Okay, well. Before I get to the dimension talk, first let me tell you about this kid I met, Miles. Oh man, Y/N. This kid changed my life! I never mentored someone before, but this kid...This kid is destined for greatness.” 

*gif not mine* 

also, when Miles says, “You gotta go home, man.” I always get emotional idk why. 

[jungnoir]

are you accepting requests? if you are, please write fluff for jaemin or jisung from nct!! idc what but i noticed they don’t have anything and i love them uwu thanks

friends to lovers!jaemin and jisung

a/n: I’m not accepting requests but… I’m also bored and stuck on everything else so here’s this tiny thing

⎡JAEMIN⎦

the annoying spicy best friend and boy next door until senior year

you guys lived right next to each other so of course you always hung out!! despite going to the same school and spending the whole day together already, you spend even more time with each other when you get home

you’d beg your parents to allow you both to play in the front yard and kick balls around or play hide and seek in jaemin’s huge backyard until dinner time and even sometimes past that

as you both got older, you’d get to hang out later, so you’d both chill in jaemin’s hammock in the late evening because you both were small enough to fit and tell each other funny or scary stories while the bugs left bites littered over your arms and legs (not that you really cared until you went home and couldn’t stop scratching)

you never thought of jaemin in a different way, though everyone else thought you did

play fights were commonplace between you two so whenever you’d get particularly rough with each other ur friends would be like “lol there go the lovebirds

and it was gross

it was…

gross

?

it was gross up until high school when your hormones kicked in and hey. jaemin is kinda gross. you still remember when he used to plant boogers on your locker handle or tackle you in sweaty arms if he lost to you in a game of kiddy basketball

but now jaemin doesn’t look like scrawny, stinky little jaemin anymore

no, now he can pick you up off the ground with two arms around your waist and laugh in your ear about how you should be more aware of your surroundings

now when he ruffles your hair he follows up with gently patting down the stray hairs, both hands smoothing down from the crown of your hair to the tops of your ears to the curve of your neck

now when he gives you those dark, mischievous eyes and asks “can I stay over tonight?” you can’t say you don’t shiver

you remember a time when you both were so young and so close that your parents would give you baths together for pete’s sake

and now you can’t even stand in your bedroom, ten feet away from each other, and look each other in the eye

he sits on your bed, slouched and flipping through channels on your tv

but when he sees you enter in just a pair of shorts and a giant shirt (his, though it’s been years since he’d last seen it)… he doesn’t quite remember what he was so focused on doing a few seconds ago

“…did you find a movie?” you ask softly, padding over to the other side of your bed as he immediately sits up and draws his long limbs to his sides

“oh! uh… no dice. maybe we should just rewatch something you have here?”

you shrug, point to the popcorn he’s got on your nightstand, and allow yourself a silent heave of air when he’s not looking your way anymore

he retrieves a movie you two have watched so many times before that you can recite the words together and not miss a beat

so it. it feels different tonight. somehow

there’s just a bowl of popcorn separating your hands from finding the other’s and this odd tension in the air that was birthed the minute you walked into your room after telling jaemin you were just gonna “change into something movie night-worthy”

you two don’t end up throwing yourselves over each other like usual, being deliberately annoying and clingy just to make the other person laugh

the movie is about halfway through when jaemin suddenly moves the popcorn to the floor and rolls onto his side, resting his head on his fist as he stares at you

“what?” you ask, v aware of the warmth he’s giving off now that there’s no barrier between you

“nothing”

“it’s gotta be something if you’re just staring at me for no reason” you drag your knees up to your chest to somehow make yourself smaller under his gaze, even to bury your cheeks between your knees so that you could make sure he didn’t see the little twitch in your lip, the want to laugh nervously or spout out some ridiculousness to get him to stop looking at you building up in your tummy

“can’t I just look at you for no reason?” he scoots a little closer, maybe attempting to look funny to you as he says this but,,, he’s doing a really bad job of it

because he doesn’t look funny. if anything, he looks kind of… what is the word?

you bite your lip, “sorry, gotta pay to look”

“what’s your preferred currency, honey?”

oh my GOD shut up jaemin

you push at his chest, trying to ignore how your hand annoyingly remembers the mold of it even after you’d touched him

“silence” you joke, watching as he licks his lips and sits up so that he’s level with you

he reaches forward and cups your chin, glancing between your eyes and your lips

he isn’t even subtle about it

your mouth parts unconsciously, a sudden understanding to this tension you’ve both been feeling hitting you hard

jaemin resists the urge to run his thumb over your bottom lip when it gets released from you teeth, if only to spend this next moment looking at your face

and he’s not even surprised that you can feel it too

“you’ll have to be specific, there’s all kinds of silence”

you don’t know what this is

no, scratch that, you know exactly what it is, but you don’t know if you want to admit it to yourself yet

maybe you could get away with that for now

neither of you would hold it against the other if you just. tried it out once, right?

and so you lean in that much closer, breaths mingling unavoidably now

“getting specific enough for you?”

of course not

⎡JISUNG⎦

idk why i’m so obsessed with this visual of gamer!jisung but hear me out

gamer!jisung, best friends with your best friends aka the other dreamies, but probably the only one you can never get close to

besides the fact he’s a certified bully to the boys, you’re the only one that he isn’t… silly with

like he’ll have renjun in a headlock and then make eye contact with you and the mood immediately dies

you’ve asked each of the boys what the problem might be

are u scary? are u not his type of person to hang around? was he still put off by that time you body slammed mark into a wall?

ok you didn’t actually body slam him but he swears he felt his feet leave the ground for a moment

not your fault he has the weight of a singular macaroni noodle

jisung always talks to you respectfully and if he can, talks to you through the others

it wasn’t… fun… having jisung treat you this way

he was always your favorite not that you have favorites *ahem* forgive me, donghyuck *ahem* so it was v :///// u know

you really wanted him to be able to treat you like he treated the other boys!! because you’d gladly treat him the way you treat the others if only you had the CHANCE

or at least you’d like to know why he didn’t so you could have some kind of closure

jisung happens to run a gaming club at school, and with permission, the “club” (which mainly consisted of all of you) would stay behind after classes and play together in one of the abandoned classrooms

you always had to play against the others bc jisung never wanted to give anyone (you) the floor to challenge him

so one day, you just decide that you’ll sit in and observe jisung play against donghyuck in overwatch

and donghyuck is obliterating jisung

you’ve never seen donghyuck this good, getting excited enough to run over to donghyuck’s side and cheer him on

you place your hand on donghyuck’s shoulder

and jisung looks away from the screen for just one second to see it

right then, donghyuck destroys jisung with a victorious yell

of course, you’re both caught up in the excitement of the moment so the first person he hugs is you

and this is pretty normal for you guys; between wrestling around and being affectionate, it was never weird to receive a hug from anyone except jisung

then you hear a controller clatter to the floor and by the time you’ve peeled away from donghyuck at the loud sound, you see jisung storming out of the classroom

the other boys looked shocked, some even looking between each other, unsure what to do

you notice chenle about to offer to go after him when you stop him, “i’ll go calm him down… he’s probably just upset about the match, you know how he gets”

chenle nods for you to go, gnawing lightly on his bottom lip

you find jisung sitting on the stairs outside the school exit, his head resting in his hands as the evening grows later

the sun nearly blinds you as you move to sit next to him, mulling over what to say

after all, you two weren’t that close in the first place. surely you were the last person he wanted to see right now

without looking up, jisung begins grumbling, “I know, okay? you don’t have to lecture me about it”

you blink

you weren’t planning to lecture him at all!

“I know that it’s stupid to get upset but the game was getting to me and-”

you’re about to cut him off, tell him it’s okay, that it’s just a game and some people get upset about those things but that you all knew it wasn’t that deep

“-you know how much I’m crushing on (y/n)… when I saw them cheering for hyuck, I just lost all focus. it’s pathetic. I wish I could just man up and tell them instead of avoiding them all the time”

oh

jisung… didn’t know it was you

he sounds so distraught too, like he was upset he let himself get angry, upset he let you see him show emotion

you place a hand on jisung’s shoulder and instantly he tenses. you think it’s because he wasn’t expecting a touch but it’s because he knows this hand doesn’t belong to the others

so it had to be…

“it’s not pathetic. if anything is pathetic, it’s that it’s taken donghyuck this long to finally win against you in a game, and even then, you were distracted so it technically doesn’t count”

jisung raises his head and his eyes look rimmed red, frustrated

but his expression is gentle when he sees the caring look on your face

“…hyuck would kill you if he heard that” he mumbles, looking down at his hands

you just giggle and bump his shoulder with yours, “ah, I know. but he also knows you’re my favorite so…”

jisung looks back up at you in shock. “f-favorite?”

you hum, moving your hand from his shoulder to the one furthest from you, wrapping an arm around him so that he has to lean into you. he’s never been so close but it’s. nice. your shampoo smells. nice 

“you don’t think it’s weird? what I said?” jisung looks a little mortified when he remembers that he’d just confessed to you, albeit unknowingly, and you were acting like everything was ok

you look back over to him and shake your head, “not at all… I hope this means you’ll stop avoiding me, though”

jisung doesn’t know how to feel at first; he had always assumed that telling you about his crush would either result in you returning his feelings or cutting off all contact with him

but instead, you don’t do either. you just watch the sunset with him, holding onto him

he also sees that you’re just as wonderful as he thought you’d be. you haven’t told him that you return his feelings but he doesn’t feel terrible at all. if anything, he feels ten times lighter after realizing he never had to hide from you in the first place

he checks to see that you’ll let him before wrapping his arm around your waist and offering you a sheepish smile, “sounds good to me”

besides, he may think you don’t return his feelings, but it’s just a matter of time until he realizes the truth about that too

[vampirefreakism]

The Scientist (Chapter 30)

Summary: In the events following Asgard’s destruction, Loki finds himself on Earth seeking refuge to await the inevitable. Much to his surprise, it comes from a source he would never have expected.

AO3 Link

The Soundtrack So Far

Warnings: some shock, idk stuff happens, Peter is sad

Word count: 2.5k

A/N: Wow, look at me go, feeding y'all well before we all die from Endgame in a week. I will absolutely perish when I see it on opening night. But cross my heart, I will not spoil anything for anyone. We all need to suffer together.

Masterlist

----------

In the wee hours of the morning, sleep left Loki to fend for himself in the dark. He opened his eyes slowly and searched for any threat or presence daring to stir him. He spotted none, but lo and behold, someone was fiddling with the window latch.

Loki quietly rose to his feet, ready to attack if need be. He crept to the corner by the lamp and lay a finger on the switch. A surprise would be best, he reckoned. The shadowy figure slowly slid the window open and reached one hand in, then the other. They felt around and grazed against a table beneath the windowsill. The hands hovered and grasped either edge of the open window.

A head appeared through the open space, followed by the torso and a leg. The stranger raised a hand up onto the wall, gripping the flat surface, and put the other above it. Loki was dumbfounded. The intruder was crawling up the wall and onto the ceiling. It wasn’t the strangest thing he’d seen in his life, but he could not have envisioned this at such a time and in such a place.

Loki waited for them to make a silent landing on the ground to turn on the light.

“What are you doing here?!” he commanded, eliciting a muffled shriek from the masked individual.

“Loki! Wait, wha-what are you doing here?!" They pointed at him. Loki took three wide steps and grabbed them by the shoulders.

“How do you know who I am?!”

The confrontation was interrupted by some loud swearing, clattering, and the door to Luna’s bedroom swooshing open. With a well-placed scowl, she charged at the two.

“Loki! Peter! What is going on?!” She looked at Peter. “Why are you here?!”

The discoveries never stop for Loki, it seems. “Peter?!” he exclaims, letting go of the boy.

“Why is Loki in your apartment?!” Peter says, frantic and winded from the old mask over his face.

“Why is he dressed like Spider-Man?!”

“Because he is Spider-Man!” Luna yells louder than the two boys, stunning them silent. “Peter, why are you in my apartment at 2 am?!”

Peter yanks off the mask and reveals his wet face, skin flushed from the cold. Loki is at a loss for words.

"I was out swinging around, and I ran out of web fluid, and I forgot to pack extra so I fell and I was too tired to go back home, and yours was closest, so I thought I could just crash here." He paused and took a few short breaths. "I was gonna leave you a note under your bedroom door and sleep on the couch. I didn't know he was here!" Peter finishes rambling and hangs his head. "I'm sorry."

Luna’s shoulders drop as she places a comforting hand on his arm. “It’s ok, Peter. It’s ok.” She cradles his cheek, lifting his head up. “Oh, you’re freezing. Come on, let’s get you something nice and warm to drink before we do anything else.” She leads him to the counter and seats him. “And give me your shoes.” He pulls them off and hands them to her. She puts them by the door and strolls into the kitchen. “Tell me, why’re you wearing your old suit? The other one would’ve kept you warmer.”

"I didn't want Mr. Stark tracking me." Peter fiddles with his cold hands. "He gave me hell when I took it out the first time, and I didn't want to bother him on his vacation with Ms. Potts."

“Yeah,” Luna says sympathetically, recalling the drama surrounding the incident. “You want some hot chocolate?”

Peter nods. “Mhm. If it’s not too much trouble.”

"Of course not." Luna squeezes Peter's forearm reassuringly, and she catches him wince. "Peter, you're hurt."

“Nah, I’m fine.” He waves his other hand. “I heal real fast anyway.”

“That I’m sure of, but after this,” Luna gestures to the jar of hot chocolate powder, “I’d like to make sure you didn’t seriously injure yourself.”

“Sure. That’s fine.”

As the milk boiled and Peter’s drink mixed, the trio kept a tense silence. Luna contemplated what to ask him once they were alone, Peter silently wallowed in shame, and Loki observed the scene in front of him. He had much to think about before the morning came and more to talk about with Luna than he previously believed.

Peter drank his beverage, doing his best not to guzzle it down. The early hours of January took more from him than he planned, but the chocolate gave some of it back to him. He was grateful, and he made sure to voice it.

“Thanks. That was really good.”

Luna smiled, happy he liked it. “Come on. The bathroom is the best place.”

"Ok." Peter complied and followed. Luna had him enter first as Loki had followed them and leaned against the wall beside the door. Confusion apparent on his face, it was clear he demanded an explanation. If Luna weren't so upset with him, she would have laughed.

"Give us a minute, and I will give you all the context you need," she answered his wordless question and disappeared into the bathroom.

Peter stood under the single ceiling light, looking drained and defeated. Luna felt for him. He needed someone, and she be damned if she left him to fend for himself.

“Hey,” she greeted as she imagined a mother would. He looked at her and gave her a weak grin. “Before we start talking, I really do want to make sure you’re physically ok.” He nodded. “Ok, breathe deeply and tell me if your ribs hurt and where.”

Peter did as she asked, grimacing a bit as his lungs filled with air. He exhaled and brought his hand to one side of him.

“Hurts a little here,” he touched a spot on the back of his ribcage, “but it’s not bad. It’ll be fine by morning.”

"I'm sure it will. Do you have any numbness or soreness that's not from the cold?"

“I don’t think so, and I’m feeling warmer now.” Peter rubbed his arms.

Luna nodded, but she wasn’t done with him. “Now, will you tell me what really happened?” Peter nodded. “Did you have another bad dream?” he nodded again. “Same one?”

He nodded again but caught himself. "A bit different this time, though."

“What was different about it?”

"I was trapped, and I couldn't move, like usual," Peter spoke quietly, "but Ben was there too."

“No,” Luna breathed out.

"And I still couldn't escape, and he got, you know, he, you know." A tear fell from his eye as the other one brimmed. "I couldn't do anything, just like the first time."

“I know, Peter, I know, but that wasn’t your fault. None of it is.”

"And when I woke up," his voice cracked, "I went to be with May, and I found her looking at his picture, and she was crying." Tears streamed down his pink cheeks and dripped on the front of his sweater, darkening the red. "I just couldn't burden her, so I left and just kept swinging till I got here." He fought it well, but a few sobs made their way out from him.

Luna gave in and held his tense body against hers. “It’s ok,” she affirmed to him. “None of it’s real, you’re safe, and no one blames you.” She rubbed his back. “You’re ok.”

Peter hugged her back. “I don’t feel like it sometimes,” He said, voice muffled against Luna’s shoulder.

“And that’s ok, too.” She stroked his head, soothing him. “You’re still young. There’s enough time for you to be ok and for you to know it.”

Luna pulled back from him and handed him a tissue. Exhaustion catching up to him, Peter sat on the toilet seat cover and cleaned his face off. Luna crouched by his side so he could see a friendly face. She may be underslept and furious, but the poor boy shouldered a heavy burden. She’ll stay by his side as long as he needed her to.

“Hey, did you hurt your head when you fell?”

Peter shook his head. “No. Why?”

“I want to try something. It might help you feel a little better, but I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.”

“Sure. What is it?”

"I'm going to hold your head in a certain way and squeeze it a little. I do this to Tony all the time when he's feeling anxious, and it really helps him. Would you like me to do it to you?" Peter ponders her offer, rubs his forehead, and nods. "Ok. Stop me if you feel any discomfort."

Luna stands and, as she did with Tony, places one hand on Peter's forehead and the other on the back – over the cerebellum. She holds his head steady and gradually applies pressure. It's an odd sensation, but Peter welcomes it, allowing his eyes to flutter shut. Luna keeps no track of time, only staying cognizant enough to feel Peter lean against her, his body relaxed. She lets go, and he comes to, shaking his head and blinking the sleep from his eyes. His face is calmer and his breathing evener.

“That was really cool,” he remarks. Luna smiles, glad he feels better. Feeling more in control, Peter sniffled and cleared his throat. “So, you guys are roommates, huh?”

“Yup, you got it.” Luna spots him tapping his knee and relents. “Gosh, go ahead and say it.”

“Oh my god, they were roommates.” They share a laugh. “So why is he here, exactly? Like, in your house?”

“Well, when he first got here, he was in pretty bad shape.”

“How so?”

"His clothes were torn, and he was covered in soot and blood. He looked so hurt and haunted. He would deny it if you asked, but I could tell. Anyway, Tony was going to put him in that RAFT prison they set up via the Accords, and I just couldn't let him do that, so one thing led to another, and now, Loki is here."

“Wow, Mr. Stark was really going to do that to him?”

“Yeah. Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing by bringing him here.”

“I think you did. Probably one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for anyone.”

“Thanks, Pete.” Luna gives his knee a pat. “Ok, I think the next course of action is for you to take a warm bath.”

Peter shook his head and stood. “Oh, no, I don’t need to take more from you. I already showered at home.”

"You were out in the freezing cold, and you fell on the icy street. You need a rinse, at least. I have a fresh set of clothes for you anyway.”

“Because of last time?”

“Yup. One of those ‘just in case’ scenarios. So, what do you say? I can wash your suit for you.”

“Ok.” Peter gave in, his body craving warm water and clean clothes.

“Great.” Luna opened the door and led him out. “I’ll get you some fresh towels. Just wait here.”

Peter placed himself beside Loki. He didn't wander far after being left to his own devices. Peter's gaze wandered to his tall alien friend, and they looked at each other, one studying the other.

“She do this for you too?” Peter asked, keeping his voice low. Loki was a bit taken aback, but he answered.

“Yeah.”

Peter hummed and dropped his eyes to his mentor making her way towards him, arms stacked with towels and folded clothes.

"Here's everything you need." Luna handed him the bundle. "The shower is clean, and you can use whatever soap you want if you feel like it. I'll be right out here if you need anything else."

“Thanks, doc. I really appreciate it.”

“You’re very welcome. Now, hurry it up so you can rest.” Peter nodded and closed the door behind him, only reopening it to toss his suit into the hall. As the sound of running water hit Luna’s ears, she picked up Peter’s clothes and threw them in the washer. “Ok, what do you want to know?” she asked Loki.

He crossed his arms. “Why is he Spider-Man?”

Luna sighed. "When he was 14, he got bit by a radioactive spider during a class trip, and he got powers from it." Loki's form relaxed, his arms dropping to his sides. "Wall-crawling, super strength, heightened intuition. The works. It was a freak accident, but he took it in stride. He's Spider-Man because he feels that so long as he has these powers, he should use them for the betterment of his community."

Loki’s worry for the boy increased tenfold. “Why is he here?”

"He gets nightmares. Recurring ones." Luna bit the inside of her lip. "He's been getting them since he dealt with this bad guy one time and the guy collapsed a cement roof on him. He was able to get out by himself, but in his dreams, he can't, and he stays trapped. He had one tonight, but this one was really bad, so he left his home to clear his head. The rest is what he said."

“What of his aunt? Does she know?”

Luna shook her head. "No, not entirely, but I should tell her he's here, so she doesn't worry." She went to her room, grabbed her phone, and sent a text to May, letting her know Peter was with her, and she'll bring him back in the morning.

Taking the time by herself to think, Luna looked at her bed. She was a kind and hospitable person, but she would be hard-pressed to let anyone sleep on her bed, especially a teenage boy she wasn't related to. The only option she had for Peter was the couch. She would have to kick Loki off of it, but he would be forced to sleep on the ground. Unless she decided on the unthinkable.

She exited her room and stepped past Loki to grab extra linens. She changed everything: the pillowcase, the sheet covering the couch cushions, and the blankets.

“What on earth are you doing?” Loki inquired as Luna shook out his sheet set and folded it.

"I'm going to have Peter sleep here. He's had a very hard night, and he deserves a clean place to rest his head."

“Could I have my set?”

She handed the stack to him. “Sure, but I don’t know why you would.”

“Since the couch is taken, I shall sleep on the floor.”

Luna was tempted to let him, but she hadn’t the heart. “Oh no. Uh-uh. I may be pissed at you, but not enough to let you sleep there.”

Loki shrugged. “Where else do you suggest?”

Luna put her fists on her hips and looked him square in the eye. “I have an idea, but I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

“So long as it’s comfortable.”

“I don’t know if I can promise that,” she took the sheets from him and led him to her bedroom, “but we’ll see.”

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