#persnal

[bobbyzombiegg]

GLOOMWOOD UNDERPORT HIVE IS HERE! LET'S FUCKING GO!!!!!!

I CAN'T WAIT TO BE HUNTED DOWN IN THE DARK LIKE AN ANIMAL BY THE CROWMEN!!

[theprestigegirly]

it’s me that’s sappy tonight (shocker i know) (i have had a drink) but i gotta say you guys are so so cool and so nice like no matter how yeesh my day is if i go on my phone i know i can talk to my mutuals about luis or serennedy or anything and u guys will always make my day fun thank u for being my internet friends it means sooooo muchhhh u have no idea— i was so scared to get back into fandom spaces but i’m here and it’s so lovely and now i’m more confident as a writer and stuff and i’m so happy!! you’re all so great!!! <333

[lazyreinelle]

I just feel like hyping people who need it.

[lestcat-de-lioncourt]

Me looking grouchy and annoyed but still doing things because well yeah and being hot and cold and scowly and soft

[angelosearch]

I am struggling today, and writing helps.

When I think about the difference between having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), I think of the internal frame of a skyscraper that is being built higher and higher as you age. That skyscraper represents your experiences and who you are, and the internal frame is your sense of self and understanding of the world.

When an acute traumatic event occurs, it blasts a hole in the internal beams. If the trauma is coped with immediately, the hole can be repaired, and little changes about the overall structure.

If the trauma is not treated or recognized for any reason, the crew continues to build the frame upward and constructs the building around it, even though the blast will leave that section brittle and prone to collapse. That’s how I understand PTSD.

C-PTSD is not about a single blast, it’s about a sustained traumatic environment like when living in a war zone or growing up as an abused child.

C-PTSD is an unqualified or purposefully negligent, cruel construction team building a frame that defies protocol or engineering guidelines. They may build on rainy days when the conditions are inappropriate and weaken the materials, or they may use the wrong tools. The frame doesn’t look or function as it should, but it keeps standing, and the building is built around it. All the floors above that section have to contend with the soddy construction below and may make unusual or dangerous architectural choices to keep the building standing.

Both PTSD and C-PTSD result in a damaged internal structure that may not be visible, even if you’re inside the completed building. All you may notice is that the walls and soffits are at different angles than other buildings, but the building shakes and groans and the façade is cracking in places – it knows something is wrong, even if it can’t name it.

There is no real comparison between the damaged skyscrapers because they both have diminished structural soundness in different ways. Treatment must begin with tearing down walls and looking at the skeleton either way.

In PTSD, if logs are available (and sometimes they are not – the mind can suppress traumatic memories), they show the day the hole was blown, so at least we know roughly what floor to start on.

In CPTSD, the blueprints, the logs, they all say the same thing, it has always been this way. You don’t know anything about architecture, you’ve never seen anything else built, how would you know anything was wrong? And even when you do, the ripple of corrections has completely distorted your understanding of the records.

I am trying to repair my CPTSD.

In CPSTD, where do you start the repairs? You go to one floor and realize the damage goes somewhere even lower, somewhere even deeper. Rooms and floors the elevator never had access to are appearing. The ways the beams had to curve and strain in some areas to accept this and understand that are knit into such complex reliance that a fix may actually destroy something. In some areas, it’s all bubble gum and paper clips. Replacing it with something sturdier may send a beam through a wall. Sure, it’s stronger now, but it may not look as good.

And the engineers in charge of this project? They are terrified. Because sure we all want a stable, healthy building to live in, but it’s been standing, why are we messing with it? How long is this going to take? What if we have to dismantle an “error” that had curb appeal, or a handy shortcut that barely worked but saved us some time now and again? Will people come back if that “feature” is gone? If this all has been so wrong for so long, what does that mean? Is this even a building at all? Do we need a new construction crew? Is this area even zoned for a skyscraper in the first place?

And while we replace the insides of the structure below, we must find a way to build upward and trust ourselves to do it right this time.

The more healed I am, the more I know about myself, the more I fear the person I’ve been and question my own understanding of the world. My therapist challenges me to consider alternatives to my thought processes. “What if you’re not wrong? What if you are safe? What if you’re allowed to make mistakes?” Yes, what if? This is such an unknown, modern design for my internal frame.

And the engineers have been wrong before.

[tetralea]

hiii you haven’t posted anything in a while, are you okay? :(

Heyaa!

I’m not sure if you are the same Annon as here someone lovely:

But I miss you too, guys, although there has been a lot of life happening in 2023 for me and it looks like 2024 won’t be any less eventful. 😄

I’m all healthy and fine, but exactly 1 year ago a few things kicked off which all together took away my motivation to write and from many other things as well, then I was organising a 3 week long US trip with my husband for us and my in-laws :D

And then I was just so busy doing everything that I realised in December I had time to actually watch 2 races, otherwise I was not home or I was traveling. 😅

Then in July we figured I am expecting a baby, and first trimester felt like a deadly combo with all our summer plans and travels again. 😅 and well from there on i am just focusing on being pregnant and preparing for birth and having a kid for the first time 😅

So yeah, I wish I took more time to be here because I really loved it before but with starting third trimester in a week and very probably having a baby in March the chances for my return are minimal. 🥲

Also I feel like because of some personal opinion changes I can’t make myself to write my usual pairing at the moment. 😬

[sp00ky-p00ky]

I got these at Costco awhile ago but I haven't tried one yet, so it's today's lunch 😋

This is frozen out of the package, not bad. I'm happy with the amount of potatoes and definitely ready to see all the cheesy goodness (also, Fall plates of course Costco also 💕)

Annnnd.... cooked (with a Cherry Coke 🍒)

WARNING! ⚠️ FOODPORN AHEAD

🤤😋 this was SO GOOD!!! 12/10. It's got a sweetness to it via the layer of cornbread. So crispy, and satisfying. The cheese is ✨️

Go buy them now 😊

[precambrian-sea-pancake]

Thinking of the evil sponge from Goosebumps 🥺❤️

[guitarnacle]

the cat brought in a mouse and then lost it like a dipshit and now all 3 of us cat included are on mouse hunt at 3.30 am

[mateo-skywalkersmom]

My workout from last night before work(work is pretty much a workout too) and this morning. I think he's getting tired of my workouts

[alexandenigtscreations]

For pride month I'm getting no tits Tuesday!!!!

As in less than a week before byeeee boobs!

Some how I got the date mixed up or it was moved to an earlier date than anticipated by 9 days so little Panic but mostly excited!!!!!

[agnesfeldberga]

Walensee

[wangayaoi]

My current manga/manhwa reading list of mature LGBT+ titles!

Intoxicated

Low Tide In Twilight/night by the sea

Kouguu no Omega

Fucked by My Best Friend

Yankee Ω wa Kemono Ou-sama no Mono!

Did It Work

What's with this strange dream?!

Surge Looking For You

Who is a sweet cheater?

Chiya's Just an Unstable Guy

Kyouai Shinri Paradox

Don't Get Caught! xxx

Under The Green Light

Days Of Confrontation With Scum Attack

Hit on By a Kinky Guy

And a few more, as well as not including ones I’ve just finished/are bookmarked that I have been reading but haven’t been keeping up with currently.

[god-of-this-new-blog]

“When you get this, put five songs you actually listen to, publish. Then, if you’re comfortable, send this ask to ten of your followers”

Impossible task ahead of me. Thank you @quicktimeeventfull. I don’t go a moment of the day without earbuds in so… I’ll do today’s top five! Can you tell that the end of Succession has done a number on me?

1. Andante Risoluto by Nicholas Britell

2. Roman’s Beat — “hearts” by Nicholas Britell

3. Real Men by Mitski

4. Back to the Radio by Porridge Radio

5. Birthday Party by Porridge Radio

If we are mutuals, just assume I am tagging you and kissing you also.

[lestcat-de-lioncourt]

There's success with my treatment, the pain has decreased, and I've been able to walk without crutches or a stick or wheelchair. I'm feeling a lot better.

[i-mister-robinson-blr]

In 3 days it's going to be my birthday, and in 2 i have to present a short film as my final exam for my first semester in college, and i've got nothing.

I'm gonna be twenty in a few days and it feels like I have done nothing with my goddamn life, it's maddening, it irks me, it's just....

I wish i could say i have friends but, I'm not sure if they see me like that, I don't think they even think about me as anything other than just a classmate that occassionaly tags along with them, it's probably just anxiety and my head trying to kill me, but that means I can't go to them whenever I need help, I'M IN A FUCKING CAREER WHICH REQUIERES ME TO BE SOCIAL AND I CAN'T DO THAT WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT.

Everyone can tell me that there are bigger issues, but frankly i don't give fuck, you can't expect me to care about those issues if all i hear is the constant shouting and shaming going on with my head.

Everypne can tell me to go to therapy, yet i feel it is useless, they won't tell me something i don't already know.

I don't really want to kill myself, in my whole life have i thought of dead as an escape, i feel loved enough that i feel like thinking about it is just going to upset everyone.

I'm really just rambling right, and procrastinating, I don't want to fail, i want to fail, I don't even know anymore