#people say griffin mcelroy is the most chaotic but they are wrong | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

daqtranscripts · 6 years

Text

DAQ Ep. 0 Transcription

Ep. 0 Transcript: Setup and Table Talk.

Begin:

Opening theme:

This show is part of the trans podcaster visibility initiative.

[THEME MUSIC — WRITTEN FOR THE SHOW BY SOPHIE]

Sophie: Hello everybody and welcome to Dungeons and Queers, where the stats are made up and the rolls don’t matter. The gender rolls!

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: Ooohhh boy.

Mara: Christ, alrighty.

Sophie: That’s the kind of show this is gonna be.

Credence: Oh God, what have I done.

Joe: I'm already stoked, bring out the puns.

Sophie: Welcome everyone. To Episode... I was gonna call this the first episode but it’s kind of Episode 0, as it will be indicated. Because our story isn’t actually starting in this episode. This is gonna be a lot of table talk about our characters and a little bit about the setting, but we’re not gonna get too much into that until the first episode because we're kinda just playing in the standard classic D&D world. There's no big “Oohh well there’s airships and there’s zeppelins!” There’s not as much to cover about the setting. But I wanted to get into some stuff about kind of who our characters were and that way we're not sitting there running around going, “Wait a second, who’s that person whose name starts with ‘L’? Which player is that?” You know, junk like that. So I think we’re gonna go around and introduce ourselves and introduce our characters. I’ll go first. Because, uh... That’s my sentence I guess, it’s my privilege.

Mara: I was gonna say, if you’re not going first, we’re fucked.

Sophie: Yeah. Yeah. My name is Sophie. Sophie Lastnameredacted. I am the person who is going to be running the Twitter and doing the editing for this. And doing some transcripts for d/Deaf and hard of hearing people. And doing a bunch of other post-production work for this. I write music for the show. It’s kind of my baby. I also do the PolyAM Radio podcast where we talk about polyamory and unconventional relationship styles and advice for them. A young queer/trans approach to polyamory is kinda what we take and we’re pretty good we have been doing that for a few months now and we thought we would start a D&D let’s play/real play, whatever you call it, podcast. You know kind of like PolyAM Radio we wanted it to be explicitly queer and explicitly trans because there’s a million D&D podcasts out there, but whenever I start a new D&D podcast I always have to worry about “Oh is there going to be some transphobic joke? Is there going to be good representation? Probably not.” You know so I figured by doing it this way and being like, “Yo we’re queer as fuck—”

Mara: Right from the get go!

Sophie: Yeah, right from the get go, not only would we attract a very specific audience, but would also maybe set some people at ease and uh just be kinda upfront about where our experiences lie. Everyone on this podcast is trans and we’ll get into that. I think I already said it but my pronouns are she/her/hers, again my name is Sophie Lastnameredacted, if you want to get in contact with me you can send a Tweet or an email to the PolyAM Radio Twitter, which is on the cover art for that podcast, or the Dungeons and Queers Twitter @DAQcast, and I also just wanna mention if you want to get an NPC named after you on the show, Tweet about the show using the #dungeonsandqueers, just spell it out all like that, and you might get a character, an NPC, named after you. And I’m looking for NPCs… I have NPCs in my head that I want to name so help us out with that because we don’t have the money to pay for advertising and I think this is a fun way of doing it. So yeah, I don’t have a specific character to talk about since I’m going to be playing a million NPCs and I’ve crafted the world we’re going to be playing in here, but I’m very excited about it, and for the purposes of this game, I am God.

[LAUGHTER]

Mara: “My name is Sophie and I’ll be playing the role of god.” [CHUCKLING]

Sophie: Yeah.

Joe: Finally!

Mara: “I am the LORD, your God,”

Sophie: [AS GRIFFIN MCELROY] “My wife!”

Credence: “No one may roll the dice but through me!”

Sophe: Probably someone is going to listen to that and think it’s a Borat joke, but in fact, it was a My Brother, My Brother and Me joke… It just becomes self-referencial for them

Mara: Like the Chilean miners. [LAUGHING]

Sophie: Yeah, I’m gonna edit all this out…

[LAUGHING]

Credence: Okay but my joke was really good! I wasn’t stealing that one, I’ll have you know.

[LAUGHING]

Sophie: So! Let’s move on, who wants to go next?

Joe: Okay me! I’m Joe Alias, I will be playing the character of Defiance. My pronouns are they/them/theirs, Defiance’s pronouns are they/she. Defiance is a cleric, a Tiefling cleric, which...that goes together well.

[MUFFLED CHUCKLING]

Sophie: Well, and talk about the prestige class you’re planning on going for when you get there!

Joe: Well I’m gonna be a war cleric, so...I guess I’m not sure what else to say about that.

Credence: How much— Er, Sophie, how much do you want us to talk about our backstory, kind of personality of our characters, like, to you want us to get into that right now or would you like us to wait until we start playing because I agree with Joe, I’m not sure how much you want us to say…

Sophie: I think we can leave most of the backstory, talk about maybe alignment not that we’re going to be adhering to it super-strictly, I think that all characters can be pushed to do certain things under certain circumstances. For those of you who read the Star Wars expanded universe books there’s literally a book in which Darth Vader stops Emperor Palpatine from killing a bunch of Twi’lek orphans and shit like that, and so like even your classic Lawful Evil character or something like that can do all sorts of actions. But I think it’s important for people to know at least, or maybe not important but it’s trivia they expect to hear and I don’t want to disappoint in that way. So talk about alignment and then talk a little bit about their personality and maybe just like very trivial things about their backstory because I didn’t want you all to know anything about each other’s characters while you were making your own but I think it’s kind of time to shed light on some of that. But if there’s any big things you want to keep as twists for the character, especially if you’ve already told me and we’ve talked about it, then you can omit that information here, stuff that’s plot interesting, but things that are just like “Oh, that’s just about my character” and stuff like that I think would be cool to have the audience hear and to have you all hear.

Credence: So, should we note here, like, you wanted us to meet our characters for the first time this isn’t one of those setups where we’ve done a bunch of odd jobs together and stuff, so…?

Sophie: Yeah this isn’t a pre-existing team, these characters don’t know each other yet and they’ll meet pretty much right away during the first episode.

Credence: Right, so we’re not showing our whole hand as far as who our characters are in part because it’s going to be narratively interesting for us to get to know each other’s characters and background and all that.

Sophie: Yeah, yeah exactly. Okay! So why don’t you tell us a little more about Defiance?

Joe: So you said I should start kinda with what they look like?

Sophie: Yeah, talk about what they look like, talk about their alignment, talk about a little bit about their backstory, you know in this case your character has a reason behind their name maybe you wanna talk about why their name is ‘Defiance’?

Joe: Sure sure, okay so like I said Defiance is a Tiefling cleric and they’re Chaotic Good, which I thought that was maybe a fun and challenging thing to play, considering the fact that they follow the Triad, which, for those of you that maybe don’t know, is the union or alliance of gods Tyr, Torm, and Ilmater who, two out of three of them are Lawful Good war deities, so that’s always fun. But part of the reason why Defiance follows those three gods is just because they actually grew up in a diabolic cult to Zariel, who is one of the archdukes of hell.

Credence: As you do.~

Joe: Yeah, you know. And so they kinda grew up in this very Spartan-esque sort of culture. When Defiance was a teenager, they had done very well in their training so far and was kinda given their own small group of, basically, stolen children to mold into their own small little war band and Defiance kind of realized the hell that they were put through as a young child, they were about to be expected to do that to these children and Defiance refused. It just seemed wrong. So they kinda got thrown in the brig for that. And at about the same time kinda as a rescue mission sorta thing a small army from outlying villages led by a priest of Tyr came and kinda ransacked the place so Defiance decided...well, was very impressed by this, and decided to join him and learn from him ‘cause everything they kinda grew up to believe just didn’t jive, so Defiance decided that that act of disobedience, that act of doing what they felt was right despite everything they had been taught growing up, was kinda their defining life moment and chose the name Defiance instead of the one that they were given and went and learned about the gods and selflessness and service, that sort of thing...while utilizing the fighting, the soldiery, that they learned before, but adapted it to actually help people...so yeah.

Mara: Shit yeah, they sound pretty cool!

Joe: Yeah!

Sophie: Yeah that’s a baller character.

Joe: Oh thanks!

Sophie: I know that despite the fact that you picked a cleric you had some reservations about playing a cleric just because of past experiences you had with asshole DMs being like, “Well that’s not how you play a cleric!”

Joe: Oh hell, I could go on and on and on about that. This is actually… So the second character I ever played in my whole D&D career was a cleric, but I didn’t play it to that DM’s specifications and that person, and they actually told me, my partner by the way, who was the DM, told me, “Never play a cleric again.” So about 13 years later here I am, trying out a cleric again.

Credence: And you’ve literally named them Defiance! So…!

[LAUGHTER]

Joe: Oh I didn’t even think about it that way!

Mara: How’s that for symbolism?

Joe: So I’m excited.

Sophie: Right, so I just I thought it was really interesting ‘cause when you came to me and said, “I think I’m going to play a war cleric,” the character that I envisioned in that moment was very different from the one that you just pitched, and I like yours way better. Because I was thinking, as I think I told you the other day, “Oh, like an army priest,” like a fire-and-brimstone kind of…

Joe: Right.

Sophie: It’s just very much not what that character is, and frankly, I think you’ve come up with something a lot more interesting.

Joe: Well see I hope I can give the character concept some justice at the very least just ‘cause I decided I wanted to play a cleric and it had been a long time since I had played a cleric and sometimes it’s difficult, the idea, well, for me, getting the idea of being good and...war, I suppose…and trying to figure out how those two could possibly work.

Sophie: Well and I think that’s a character, pardon me, I think that’s a conundrum not just for you, the player, but probably for Defiance, the character. That’s going to be, I mean I think most good D&D characters have some sort of question that they’re trying to answer about themselves as they get played. I think that that’s an excellent question and I don’t necessarily know that it’ll get answered. I think that probably Defiance will come up with an answer but probably not a definitive one that everyone will be happy with and I think that that’s just the nature of the question.

Mara: That’s how it go!

Sophie: Yeah, people don’t think it be like that—

Sophie and Mara: —But it do!

Joe: But it do.

Sophie: Okay! Is there anything else you wanted to say about Defiance or should we move on?

Joe: Uh just as a brief description — Defiance is kinda of average human height, purple skin kind of, like, indigo hair, red eyes, all that fun stuff.

Sophie: Horns and tail or no?

Joe: Yeah horns and tail, the horns are kinda like cool ram horns.

Credence: Nice.

Joe: All the better to headbutt people with!

[ASSORTED LAUGHTER]

Sophie: I could die happy feeling like I actually achieved something in my life if, at some point, we get some fanart made.

[EVERYONE AGREEING/CROSSTALK]

Credence: Don’t jump the gun!

Sophie: No no, I know, I’m just saying if someday some fan artist comes to us and says like, “I made this!” I’m going to have a literal aneurysm over it! I’m not going to be able to handle it because it’ll be like, “This is too wonderful!”

Mara: Affirmation!

Sophie: Yeah yeah!

Credence: Which, for me, I guess I would also wanna say that I encourage folks to...yeah I might imagine my character looking like this, but like, go at it! Half the fun of this audio medium is you can decide what these characters look like yourself. I mean like, obviously, Joe, you’re going to play Defiance in a way where this is how you imagine what they look like, but I always think it’s really cool that in this kind of medium, you, as a listener, get to decide what you envision these characters to look like.

Sophie: Yeah absolutely. And I’ll be very upfront this: there are going to be, in this world, some Easter eggs. Probably not things that I’ll put right out there, things that, if you get lucky and ask the right question, you’ll find out that are nods to TAZ, The Adventure Zone, which is, in my opinion, probably the greatest tabletop roleplaying podcast out there, it’s the one that got me into not only podcasts, but tabletop roleplaying games, and I think their attitude toward their characters is excellent, which is basically that “We came up with these characters, we don’t own these characters. They belong as much to the fans as anything.” So you know, we’re a bunch of white folks and Joe, you see Defiance as purple but if you hear to this podcast and say, “Well, I think Defiance is Latinx,” you’re not wrong, that’s not… We’re not gonna be like, “But the character looks this way!” I think it’s awesome that you’re taking this character and giving it a life of its own beyond our, you know, shitty podcast.

Joe: Yeah hell yeah, like I just give my description of how I see Defiance in my head. Like if you, person listening to this, have a different idea of what they look like, like, please, please do, go wild!

Credence: Yeah like honestly, if we get fans, I will throw all of my character at you and be like, “It’s yours! Have her! Please make her beautiful!”

[ALL AGREEING]

Joe: Ram horns though.

[ALL LAUGHING AND AGREEING]

Sophie: It’s like Magnus’ sideburns, there are some things that are just inalienable.

Credence: Some integral features.

Sophie: Yeah, so who wants to go next?

Mara: I will go next! Hello hello, dear listeners, this is Mara Fakelastname, I use they/them/their pronouns, you probably know me from PolyAM Radio, you might not, but if you want to go check that out, I’m a frequent co-host and I think it’s pretty great. I am going to be playing a gnome bard and this is only my second D&D campaign ever. I got into D&D not entirely through my own choice! I was listening to The Adventure Zone with Sophie and I was like, “Oh, I don’t think it’s for me, I’m not really good at roleplaying stuff,” etc., etc., and I was at a local hobby store with her and she was looking at dice and I saw a set of dice that were pink and black and I was like, “Oh fuck yeah, I wish I was playing because, like, pink and black dice!” and Sophie was like, “Well, if I buy you the dice will you play?” and that’s how I started playing D&D.

[ASSORTED LAUGHTER]

Sophie: You made it sound like I coerced you into it!

Mara: Yeah, right?

Sophie: My exact words were, “Well, I’ll buy you the dice if you want them, but if you’re gonna have dice, you gotta play the game.”

Mara: Yeah so it was [LAUGHING] so it just wasn’t entirely my own idea.

Credence: In true rogue or bard fashion, you were seduced by pretty things.

Mara: Yup! Yeah, and I think that’s like, 98% of the characters I’ve played so far…! Um, so, in this campaign, I am playing a gnome bard, whose full name is Ellywick Faelover Wandfidget the Ambiguous, um, but we’re probably, for ease of mouth, just gonna call them Ellywick. They use they/them pronouns. And—

Joe: If you don’t use that big, beautiful name at least a couple times, I’m gonna be a little disappointed.

Mara: Oh, God, yeah! It’s definitely gonna be like...name drop. Because… For people who are very into the lore, gnomes are very into names, and so to get a little into their background but not too far, ‘the Ambiguous,’ they’re a very androgynous character. Feel free to imagine them however you want, because I kind of suck at imagining characters. But the ‘Faelover’ part, they spent a lot of time with the fae. And, uh, it was funny, because when I was talking to Sophie about this name choice initially, she was like, “Oh, well that’s really interesting that they chose to call themself ‘Faelover,’ because, like, all gnomes love the fae, so they must really love the fae,” and I was like, “Oh, yeah!” And then it kind of hit me, I was like, “Oh, we could make them a bit of a ~dirty boi,~ like, go with Faelover, like, hohoho, they fucked some fae in their time.~” So that’s where that comes from.

[SNICKERING]

Joe: Like you do!

Mara: Ellywick is a very, like, will-try-to-seduce-anything-that-moves type of character. So that’s gonna be interesting and funny. They’re overall just very hedonistic and capricious, I think their whole kind of desire for travel is like, they wanna bring creativity into the world, and they wanna see what other people are out there doing, you know. They’re very...whimsical, I guess would be how I would put that. [clicks tongue] Oh… What else to say about Ellywick…

Sophie: Could do ideal/bond/flaw? I’d have to go back and make Joe say Defiance’s, but...

Mara: Well, I don’t wanna talk about their bond, because that gets into the story.

Sophie: Okay!

Mara: Um…

Credence: What about their alignment?

Mara: Oh yes! Yeah! They’re… They are Chaotic Neutral, because I think that just kind of is what fits them personally best. They’re just kinda...seein’ what’s out there and doin’ what they do. Doin’ who they do. [LAUGHING]

[SNICKERING]

Sophie: Like they do!

Mara: Like they do! Um… But…

Sophie: Every DM… Everyone who’s ever DMed out there just, like, took a moment of silence for me because there’s not only a Chaotic Neutral in the party but there’s a fucking bard, which...both of those are just game-breakers.

Mara: Well, I just…! I can’t help it! I don’t like a lot of the archetypal characters. That’s just not my particular cup of tea? But, so, I’m gonna have fun playing my bard. Their ideal… I kind of already said it, but they want to release more creativity and bold action into the world. And their flaw: they are a sucker for a pretty face. Like, I think anybody could make googly eyes at them and they would be like, “OOOKAAAAYY~!” So that’s...that’s kind of Ellywick’s flaw.

Sophie: I think we can talk about bond, I just need to say one thing about the setting quick. Basically, how this story is gonna be starting is that, um… Some of the main characters — some of the player characters are going to have been captured in an orc raid and are at an orc, like, prison camp type thing. And that’s where their story finds them. Um… So, do you wanna talk about your bond?

Mara: Yeah! Um, so, as a bard, Ellywick plays a lot of instruments. They’re an instrumentalist and a singer, and they were only able to conceal their pan flute on them, but they also play the lute as well, which was given to them by the fairy queen Titania as kind of a “wow, you fuck good” kind of a gift...

Joe: NICE!

Mara: [LAUGHING] So this lute was stolen from them, and obviously this lute means a lot to them, so… Their whole bond is “I’m gonna get that fuckin’ lute back if it’s the last thing I do!” And I think I just, you know...dropped us into the “explicit” tag area… [CHUCKLING] Sorry!

Sophie: Oh, we were gonna be there anyways. And I think I wanna emphasize for all of you, that’s not something that needs to or even is going to be possible to have happen in this arc. The first arc is titled ‘Alpine Escape.’ And y’all will have to make a quick exit or things will get bad very quickly. And you can choose to hang around, but I’ll be honest, it’s going to get bad very quickly if you do. So, you know, your bonds and stuff like that are things I’m using to drive the story forward for later arcs and stuff like that. So for what that’s worth… Uh, uh… I’m sitting here, like… Defiance, no. That’s not right. Joe, tell me about Defiance’s, um… Like, ideal/bond/flaw.

Joe: Um… Well, I-I did take the acolyte background just ‘cause I, uh… It seemed like it kinda, more or less, fit the best. Well, their ideal is charity — “I always try to help those in need, no matter what the personal cost,” um… Their bond is, um, “Everything I do is for the common people,” which, I actually had a really hard time choosing between that one and, um, there was one other one that says something like, “I owe my life to somebody who saved me after my parents died or something like that,” which is sort of true, but not quite. And flaw — “I am suspicious of strangers and expect the worst of them,” which, uh, it seems a little bit misanthropic or something, but part of it just has to do with the fact that they’re a Tiefling and they tend to, uh, be outcasts anyway, and it’s kinda owing partially to having grown up in the kind of culture where everybody’s out to get everyone else kind of literally, just to prove some sort of dominance, has left that kind of mark on Defiance. So even though they try their best, they’re still...they have trust issues.

Credence: I think that’s fair.

Sophie: Yeah, I like that. Uh, Credence, why don’t you tell us about Lazza.

Credence: Alright! Well, my name is Credence. Or, uh...Credence...it has nothing to do with Clearwater Revival. Um… Yeah, I get that a lot. And my pronouns are he/him or they/them, ah… If you have listened to the episode of PolyAM Radio about long-distance relationships, I was a guest host on that with Sophie, so um, if you’ve, like… “I recognize that queer-ass voice!” That’s where you recognize me from. Um, and I’ve played D&D a lot while I was growing up, this is the first time I’ve swung back into it in over...probably, mm...seven years? So this is gonna be interesting. And then I will be playing the character Lazza. She is a half-orc barbarian. And her alignment is actually Lawful Neutral, which, um...I will try to justify even though, yup, half-orc barbarian. Um, and her class focus as a barbarian is ancestral guardian, and that’s where a lot of her, um, kind of character development and impetus is generated from. So the ancestral guardian path allows her to have a unique connection with her, like, um, her...clan. Like the ancestors of her clan. And she can praise to them, and they can give her guidance, and that’ll provide some pretty cool features later on in the game, but it also just informs who she is. So, like, as her bond — her biggest bond are her ancestors and that is also tied up with her ideal, which is to — she wishes to live in honor of her ancestors as a proud and honorable warrior, so she’s interested in keeping her ancestors happy with the path that she is walking down. Um… Her other bond would be her father, and she’s never actually met her clan, but as I guess I’ll get into in the story, as that unfolds, but in the abstract, she has a bond with her clan whom she is still trying to find. Her flaws, um… Like, her major flaw, is that she’s kind of afraid to be alone, and obviously, she’s kinda got a tough exterior, so she doesn’t let that show very often, but it does make her, um...it does make her not always listen to what she knows is her truth as far as what her ancestors are encouraging her to do and how to be an honorable warrior, which is, like… Pretty evident based on where she starts off the game, as far as, um...the, um… Sophie, did you mention that they’re all trapped in a raiding, an orc raiding party?

[CHORUS OF CONFIRMATIONS FROM ALL OTHER MEMBERS]

Credence: Okay! So yeah! At the beginning of the game, Lazza is actually in this orc raiding party, and because of her fear of being alone and stuff, she ended up getting in with a bad crowd, so yeah. That’ll be interesting. Her other flaw is that she is incredible superstitious.

Mara: YES.

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: So, it’s to the point where she, like, she will not sleep within ten feet of a magical object, all wizards are tricksters and not to be trusted, if an elf looks you in the eye they’re trying to read your mind, never listen to a bard’s song all the way through because it will bewitch you into dancing yourself to death…

Mara: Shit!

Joe: Uh-oh…!

Credence: Yeah.

Mara: They’re gonna have a hard time getting healed.

[LAUGHTER]

Credence: We’ll see. Yeah, she’s definitely a… She has spent a lot of time in isolation, and so she hasn’t met a lot of different people, and she’s kind of grown up listening to all these stories about, like, how… Y’know, gnomes will try to steal your teeth in the night…

Mara: [LAUGHING]

Credence: So she’s got all these superstitions and she doesn’t have a lot of access to the outside world just yet. So she’s still trying to work through that. So she’s gonna be a little suspicious and superstitious of...about the party and others.

Mara: Especially Ellywick, god damn!

Joe: Uh-oh…

Credence: Yeah, especially…

Joe: It’s gonna take some time…

Credence: Her dynamic with Ellywick is gonna be very, very interesting.

Mara: Watch your teeth… [CACKLING]

Joe: Aw, jeez…

Credence: Well, and she’s very protective of her tusks, because she has very nice lower lip tusks that she takes good care of. She puts rings on ‘em.

Joe: What? Really?

Credence: Yeah!

Joe: Neat!

Credence: She really likes her tusks, and the only—

Sophie: No, not really, Joe, this is a fantasy world and you’re already lost?

Joe: No, I just… I never even thought of that! That’s pretty boss! Like, where does the story end and reality begin? Ahhh!

Credence: Too deep! But yeah, the only other thing I guess I’ll say about Lazza’s appearance is that, um, she keeps two different totems on her at all times. She, like, wears the feathers of a roc that her father slayed — rocs are like these ginormous eagles in the canon of the Dungeons & Dragons world — so she keeps those feathers in her hair as a remembrance of him, and then she always has a little pouch filled with three different semi-precious stones that she uses to commune with her ancestors. And then...yeah! That’s all I got!

Sophie: Okay! I love it! Um, we’re probably gonna call this “Episode 0” here, and we will… Basically how this is going to work is we’re gonna record a couple episodes today, and then at the very least, Episode 0 and Episode 1, which should be dropping at the same time, but we’re gonna take a break to stretch quick and wipe the Cheeto dust off our faces—

Mara: [LAUGHING]

Joe: YOU GOT ANY MOUNTAIN DEW?!

Sophie: Yeah, and do some other necessities. But we will be right back, and you can listen to the beginning of our story in the next episode, so thanks!

[OUTRO MUSIC]

#d&d 5e #Transcripts #Podcast

0 notes