#people really don’t realize serious dancers don’t like. get an education

[thirteens-earring]

i could say so much about the homeschooled ballerina to tradwife pipeline

[shinycorvidae]

Headcannon Dump Part 3 of 6

The two Vs, Hiro Part 3 of 3. Backstory.

-Hiro or SKV, Street kid background (vaguely), he's @smilepal s

-NV is Vic, our other V, a nomad she's mine <3

After his parents died as a kid, ended up in the Tyger Claws-his parents house/possessions were reclaimed and he wound up being part of that.

Gets weird/off-topic if you ask him about his parents, they were druggies/BD addicts so he doesn't really like to talk about them much, was on his own pretty young

His relationship with Tyger Claws was always tense-He was an unwillingly member (mostly). Hiro has a bit of a chip on his shoulder and a serious problem with authority figures, including the Claws bosses.

Was in decent with Wakako since a small child, and she was one of the few people he managed to stay on the good side of-whether this was because she found him entertaining or he just got lucky, he still doesn't know.

Worked as a dancer/joytoy for the Tyger claws after a failed escape attempt

Don't ask him about it, or the Ho-Oh club--there’s a hell of a lot of trauma there and he still gets pretty heated about it

Had to forcibly extricate himself from the Tyger Claws and cut ties with them-it got to be too much and he wanted to get away before things went really south with them

Hiro never received a formal education, and was mostly self-taught, in addition to picking things up from TC, and later Vik/Mama Wells. He thinks he did alright, all things considered, despite the fact that he learned the best place to shoot someone before he could fully read

Dysfunction seems really normal to Hiro. He grew up with non-functioning parents living in absolute squalor, so to him anything above the bare minimum is fine. Part of the reason he put up with the Tyger Claws for so long was because he was like "...well at least they're not xyz..." "It could always be worse."

To Hiro, people always have ulterior motives. You don't keep people around because you like them, you keep them around because it benefits you in some way (even if that's not necessarily how he sees people) In a way he's always "waiting for the other shoe to drop". NV is originally a fucking enigma because of this.

was and is On good terms with the Moxes, and is old friends with Judy. Does not like Evelyn and trusts her about as far as he could throw her--but he can’t deny that they have a lot of shared history/went through a lot. He’s on good terms with Roxy, and very good terms with Tom--the latter and him having a amiable FWB relationship in the past.

Has history with Viktor that is rather delicate. They met when Hiro was still in the Tyger Claws and not doing great/was able to fix up his cyberware for cheaper/didn’t sell him absolute junk. He really looked up to Vik and for a long time thought it was just admiration. Vik is also the one who began to teach him more about hand to hand combat/was the person who was the biggest influence on his fighting style.

Viktor was definitely part of the reason Hiro realized he liked men too, and Hiro harbored some pretty intense feelings there. He's a lot better behaved around Vik than most people-will still tease him/give him shit but it lacks any real venom. He's also a bit more awkward than his usual smooth self/gets flustered more easily.

Vik in turn really dotes on Hiro/is super protective of him. He's always trying to make sure he's eating enough and the two eat together several times a week, Hiro will hang around the clinic when it's slow and keep him company.

NV knows better than to tease him about hid crush on Vik but Johnny still needs to be redirected when the situation arises

-*NV physically holding Johnny back from commenting, behind Hiros back, hand over his mouth*

-Johnny definitely licking her hand, which would turn into them either slap fighting or making out. Its a toss up.

-Hiro and Vik talking and just hearing scuffling in the background, turning with disapproving faces

NV"we are adults I swear"

*Johnny has to pull his hand out of the back of her pants*

NV"we uh, we'll just go wait at Mistys"

*Hiro finds them fucking in the alley later on his way out*

Plan Distract Johnny from teasing Hiro worked too well 😂😂

[hortensemitchell]

Just Us

 In the quiet of the night James finally has the time to reflect on his very first night in Hollywood. Under the pressure of his own thoughts, he'll find that he is never alone.

Rating: G

Pairing: N/A.

Words: 1868

The bedroom was dimly lit by the street lights peeking through the cracked and broken pieces of the blinds, illuminating the dingy carpet and dull paint of the walls. Virtually every space of the room was lined with miscellaneous boxes with messy scrawl, ‘summer clothes’, ‘electronics’, ‘hair products’. James made a mental note to dig into that box first when morning finally hit.

Whether the boys realized it or not, his regimen was more crucial now than ever. He thought back to the events earlier today and the impossibly beautiful up and coming stars that lounged around the Palm Woods. What made him special back home, his dazzling smile, piercing eyes and washboard abs, it was all part of the everyday here in California.

And if everything he worked so hard for was mundane here, what did that make him? He rolled over in his bed, tugging the comforter tighter around his shoulders almost as if the blanket would protect him from the frantic thoughts plaguing him.

Nothing about him was average, he refused to believe that. He can remember as far back as when he and the other boys were just starting as members of the junior hockey league, that he had also had his mind set on performing. Back then he had to beg and plead his mother for permission for singing and dance lessons. She argued that his schedule was already too full and his education would fall to the wayside, but after countless carefully constructed presentations on the benefits of these lessons and promises that Logan would tutor him, she relented.

He remembered how the boys used to tease him about the lessons when they were younger, jokes and jabs at their regular Friday night sleepovers at Carlos’. James knew they never meant any of it though because on the evening of his very first talent show, he peeped out of the curtain to see them sitting in the front row with the widest grins imaginable.

It was that night that he had finally decided this was his calling. Just seven years old, singing John Mayer and dazzling the crowd like he was born to. He lived off the high long after the song was finished and the curtains had fallen shut.

When he finally made his way back to everyone, the boys descended on him, each talking over the other in so much excitement about how cool he was and how he should have won over the unicycling juggler. His mother hadn’t been able to make the performance, a last minute work emergency she claimed. He didn’t let that get to him though, enjoying the good natured hair ruffling of Papi Garcia, the boys' unabating chattering, and Mama Knight’s promises of pizza. Even then he knew there would be other performances, and he would be so good that she couldn’t miss them.

And he did get better, way better. But was it enough? He could carry a tune, dance any routine that was thrown his way, but could he gain the type of fire that Gustavo was looking for? Failing wasn’t an option, if he turned back to Minnesota his mother would have him on the fast track to business school and this dream would be gone. Failure wasn’t an option, he couldn’t fail, he had to-.

His thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of cold air against his back as the comforter was pulled up and over someone slipping into the bed beside him. Carlos. James didn’t make any move to turn around and face him in the cramped twin bed and chose to stare at the light of the hallway creeping in from under the doorway. He had almost drifted to sleep from listening to the soft breathing from the other boy when Carlos broke the silence.

“I could hear you thinking from over there.” He paused for a moment before adding, “Did you wanna talk about it?”

The last thing he wanted to do was bring all of this worry onto someone else, so James did what he did best, deflected. Rolling over in the bed careful not to knock Carlos to the floor, James sat up and faced the other boy.

“So we might have striked out against the Jennifers, but I doubt they can resist my charms for long. I’ve already come up with a three step plan that will have them dying for a chance to date any member of our band.”

“James-”

“Though side note, we really need to come up with a name and soon. It seriously hurts your cred to say you’re in a band without a name and-”

“Look I-”

James just continued to press on hoping Carlos would get the hint to drop it, “Maybe if we learn some instruments, we could get in on that gig that that guitar dude seems to have going on at the pool, I mean chicks dig musicians.”

Carlos pulled himself into a sitting position beside James, raising his hand up to signal him to stop.

“It’s okay James, I’m scared too.”

And that was not exactly what James expected to hear.

“You don’t get scared. Just last week I watched you ride your mountain bike off of the top of Kendall’s house into their above ground pool. And let’s not forget the time you took one for the team and took Jenny Tinkler to homecoming.” He shuddered at the memory of her knocking over the snack table and somehow setting the DJ equipment on fire. “It’s hard to believe you’d get scared about anything.”

There’s a moment of silence between them before Carlos replies, “This is kinda different, ya know? Reckless behavior and wacky shenanigans? I can handle that no problem, but this is serious. And I’ve never been that great at serious.” He scratches his neck nervously, and looks off to the side. “I don’t want to ruin your dream dude.”

“You wouldn’t and you can’t.” He stretched his arm around the other boy’s shoulders, pulling him gently to his side. “It’s because of you guys that I even got the opportunity to be here, my dream wouldn’t work without everyone.”

He felt Carlos shake with laughter slightly before he replied, “Well technically we’re here because of Kendall, but I’ll take the sentiment cause it's a weirdly emotional night.”

James just rolled his eyes, though thankful that Carlos pulled them back from all the emotion talk. He wasn’t wrong, Kendall was the driving force of all this. He had the ‘fire’ as Gustavo called it. He would just describe it as stubbornness and a sheer lack of respect for authority, but somehow Kendall made those qualities seem endearing.

The door to the room creaked open bathing Carlos and James in the hallway light, the pair both shielding their eyes to adjust to the change in brightness. Just as quickly as it was opened, it shut again, quietly as to not wake up the other people in the apartment. Even after being partially blinded James knew that Kendall and Logan were approaching the bed, he’d know them anywhere.

“Any chance you have room for two more?” Kendall asked, already pulling himself onto the bed. The springs under it groaned as he and Logan shifted to get comfortable facing James and Carlos at the foot of the bed. For a moment James wondered just how much the weight limit was for this rickety bed frame.

“You guys couldn’t sleep either?” James questioned as he and Carlos pulled the comforter over the other two boys' legs.

“It isn’t actually that weird that we all can’t sleep. Scientists believe that this is just our brains natural instinct to protect itself in a new environment full of unforeseen threats. It makes a lot of sense when you think about it.” He glanced around at the other boys on the bed taking note of the way James was holding one of his pillows tightly to his chest, and Carlos was picking at a loose thread on the comforter. “Something tells me though, that we are all awake because of more than first night jitters.”

There was something a little comforting to James, that all of them were nervous about the future. Sometimes he forgot that even though Kendall was their fearless leader, Carlos was their wrecking ball with a heart of gold, and Logan was their resident genius, they were all still four hockey heads from Minnesota and completely out of their comfort zone.

From across the bed James saw Kendall straighten his posture and he knew immediately that they were in for one of his famous pep talks.

“So what if everyone here is a better singer or dancer than we are. And who cares if every person we come across is more attractive and talented. And who-”

James quickly introjected, “Is this going to get positive anytime soon?”

“I was getting to that.” Kendall replied with a roll of his eyes, “My point is there are always going to be people who are better than we are. It’s a given, but we all have something that everyone here doesn’t.”

“Lightning Fever Barracuda hair gel.”, “Mama Knight’s signature corn dog recipe.” “A death wish.”

“No. What I was getting at is look around. Even out of our depth, we still have each other. The stakes might be higher for sure, but we are still together setting out our game plans dog piled into one bed just like when we were kids. And I don’t know about you, but I think that is a hell of an advantage over anyone in Hollywood.”

And that is why he’s the leader James concluded. Some heartfelt words and an earnest smile, and Kendall could convince them they could do anything. It seemed silly to him that he had been so worried earlier in the night. Looking around at the other boys in the dim moonlight, he realized that he wasn’t in this alone. And even if this didn’t work out, he knows there are three people who would never let him feel like a failure.

“Well since I doubt any of us will feel like sleeping anytime soon, does anyone have some band name ideas? I’m thinking something like James and the Diamonds.”

He saw the good natured eye rolls from across the bed and felt Carlos groan from his spot under James arm. It felt good to get back to normal and he eagerly slipped into their own routine, bickering about what really qualified as a solid band name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Please, please can I wake them up? One smack of the pot that’s all.”

In the morning light, Mama Knight stood in the doorway observing the scene before her. She had gone to Logan and Kendall’s room first, but when the room was empty she had a feeling this is where they would be.

All four boys were tucked under the comforter of the twin sized bed, practically asleep sitting up. She smiled softly to herself, noting that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

She shook her head, gently leading Katie from the room, “Let them sleep a little while longer, they have a long road ahead of them.”

[heartbeatan]

Damned Royalty (Chapter 2)

Return to Chapter 1.

Return to Table of Contents.

Return to Desperado Series.

Return to Jimin Fanfictions.

Return to Masterlist.

Chapter 2

“You don’t have to do this, Y/N,” your father turned to you after the door shut behind the Park’s. “I can make up a story for why you’re not available. Perhaps we can send you abroad for a while…”

“No, no, no. Don’t be silly. I want to take on this job,” you didn’t realize it until you said it – but you really did want the project.

“They’re not good people, sweetie. I didn’t like the way that boy was looking at you either. I’ll call Stanford tomorrow and make up an excuse.”

“Stop, Dad. I can handle myself. And I can handle this account. And like Jimin said, we’re going to be working together in the future anyways – I’d like us to get off on the right foot.”

“I’d rather you not get off on any foot. I’m so sorry for bringing this down upon you.”

“Please, don’t blame yourself. We aren’t doing anything illegal for them anyway – it’s just business. Let’s treat it like any other.”

“Still. If anything comes up or you are uncomfortable in any way, you tell me as soon as possible. Otherwise, you have my full support. Pick whoever you need for your team – even if they’re occupied, I want you to have the best behind you when dealing with the Park’s.”

“Thank-you,” you leaned up on your tiptoes and gave your father a peck on the cheek. “I won’t let you down, I promise. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go research strip clubs and restaurants.” Your father’s mouth fell open, but before he could say anything, you skipped out of his office and headed back down the hall towards yours.

 

Later that afternoon, you found yourself on the patio of a chic cocktail lounge, surrounded by your friends, your boyfriend and a litter of drinks all here to celebrate your first account and the end of the Friday workday. After a few rounds, you were starting to feel really good, and a little loose lipped as you began revealing the events of the day.

“You mean, Park’s as in Stanford? Jimin?” your friend, Kijung, awed.

“Yes,” you nodded as you took another sip of your martini. “You’ve heard of them, then?”

“Of-fucking-course I’ve heard of them. They do business with my uncle.”

“Well, apparently they do business with me now.”

“This is insane, Y/N,” said your boyfriend, Jinhyun. “I don’t like you around those types of people.”

“Your mother deals with those types of people, Jinhyun, why shouldn’t I?” you fired back.

“Because, you’re my girl,” he cuddled up next to you. “I don’t want my girl to be in any danger.” He was trying to be cute, but between him and your father this afternoon, you were becoming irritated of everyone trying to shelter and coddle you. It’s probably why your father liked Jinhyun so much. Plus, he came from old-wealth, he was Ivy League educated and enroute to taking over his mothers business when she finally retired. Your match couldn’t get any better for either families. “You don’t know what these people can be like.”

His last remark cut you like a knife. So, that’s what this was about. He thought you were too naïve and too incompetent. Liquid courage behind you, you snapped. “You just don’t think I can handle it!”

Jinhyun’s face dropped. You rarely, if ever, became cross with him.

“No, babe, that’s not it. I think you can handle anything you put your mind to,” he patted your head.

Ugh. Now he’s patronizing me, you grimaced internally. However, you really weren’t in the mood for a fight. Especially not in front of a crowd, nor on an evening when you were flying high. So, instead, you let if go, softened your eyes and smiled back. “Thank-you.”

“But… while we’re on the topic… I mean… have you ever even been to a strip club before?” he continued. You obviously let him off the hook too easily.

“Well… no… but what’s that got to do with it? I’m not running the place.”

“I just think you would benefit from having someone experienced in your corner. Someone who knows what the difference is between a Brass Monkey and an Iron X.” The table erupted into a fit of laughter, Jinhyun’s boisterous voice leading the decibels. It was almost obnoxious sounding to your ears given your current state of annoyance. But they were right. Restaurants you knew, but strip clubs you didn’t. You looked down to your half-full drink and bit your tongue. Perhaps tonight was the night to change that.

“Fine,” you said as you grabbed your drink in your fist and downed the rest of the liquor in a few short gulps. “Let’s go to a strip club then,” you smacked the glass back down on the table and stood up. Jinhyun and a few others chuckled, but when Jinhyun met your glare, he saw that you weren’t laughing.

“Wait… you’re serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. Let’s go. I know just the place.”

“Well…” Jinhyun brought his drink to his lips and skewed his face. “Let’s go then.”

 

A cab ride and a few bucks later, you arrived in Guri and pulled up to the curb beside a neon sign that read ‘The Red Palace.’ Your friends giggled their way out of the cab and Jinhyun threw his arm around you as you strutted towards the door.

You weren’t particularly surprised by the club. The hall leading to the coat check was long, dark with walls painted red and black. You could hear the bass pumping through the corridor that led to the main area. When you passed the velvet curtain and into the lounge, you were greeted by half naked women and the fully drunk men that ogled them from their seats. Jinhyun guided you to a table near the front of the stage, wanting to be sure you got the full experience. He was having a bit too much fun trying to introduce his girlfriend to the big bad world for which he seemed to think he was somehow apart of.

An hour in, your party was well beyond the two-drink-minimum. Jinhyun and some of your other friends, as they often did when they were drunk, started flashing around their black cards and soon you found yourself in a VIP booth on the balcony with several full bottles of liquor and mix, as well several dancers clearly looking to make some cash. One dancer cozied herself up next to you and began chatting your ear off – she was nice, but she was clearly hoping to sell you a lap dance. She laughed a little too hard at your terrible jokes for her to not be. Overall, however, as awkward a place you found the club to be, you were having a remarkably good time. You almost forgot that you had come here for the sake of work.

Your eyes scanned the room – at the stage, the booths, the tables, the bar – until a door across from you swung open and a set of black suits strutted through it and onto the balcony. Your heart skipped a beat. You recognized the men immediately – they were the security the Park’s had with them early this morning. You stretched your neck, trying to peer behind them, looking for… him… and there he was. Tall, lean with that mop of honey-blonde hair visible under the club lights. Jimin was here.

You weren’t the only one to notice him. Several of the dancers crowding your table took notice of him as well, including the one you were speaking to.

“That’s my boss,” she said to you, noticing your gaze as Jimin took a seat at an adjacent booth. “He’s handsome, isn’t he.”

“Yeah,” you replied haphazardly. “I met him this morning, actually.”

“Really?” she replied. You nodded and took another sip of your drink.

“Do you know him well?”

“Hmm,” she took a sip of her drink. “I know enough about him I suppose.”

“I hear a lot of rumours about him,” your gaze drifted back to Jimin. He was now joined by two beautiful women sitting comfortably under each of his arms. They were too covered up to be strippers, but not covered up enough to not be strippers either. “Are any of them true?”

“What have you heard?”

“That he’s dangerous.”

“He can be,” she nodded. “He is a gangster after all.”

“I heard he likes to tie up and torture those who cross him.”

“I can’t say I’ve seen that for myself.”

“So, it’s not true?”

“Oh, I didn’t say that,” she smirked knowingly.

You looked back towards Jimin. He had loosened his tie and now had a beer in is hand as he watched the room. It didn’t seem as if he had noticed you yet. Should you go say hello? Would it be weird if you didn’t? Perhaps this was a terrible idea and you should just leave. However, as if summoned by your thoughts, Jimin’s gaze snapped over to meet yours staring at him, and your eyes locked.

“Is that him, babe?” you were startled by Jinhyun leaning over your shoulder to shout drunkenly into your ear.

“Yes,” you shouted back and nodded.

“Why don’t we go say hi?”

“No, it’s all good.” Honestly, you didn’t want or need Jinhyun – especially in this state – accompanying you to meet your client. You turned your gaze back towards Jimin. He was still watching you – even though this time he had a woman nibbling on his ear – he watched you just the way he had back in the meeting. You raised your glass and gave him a nod. It was the least you could do at the moment.

“He definitely likes his women,” you scoffed back to your new stripper friend. She smiled.

“Women… I don’t know about that. But he definitely likes his sex.”

“Oh? What do you mean?”

“Well… let’s just say his kink doesn’t only include tying up people who cross him in the boardroom,” she winked.

“Oh? Ohhhhh!” it took you a moment to understand her meaning. She laughed as she watched the information click.

“You’re just so cute,” she awed at you. You scrunched your nose. “What? You don’t like that I think you’re cute?”

“It’s just like the umpteenth time someone has described me like that today. I’m starting to think I need to make some changes in my life.”

“Well… why not start now? Get a little crazy,” she cocked her eyebrow at you. “What do you say?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Give me a bill,” she stuck out her hand. For a moment you were offended, thinking you had been played for cash – which, granted you kinda were – but, still intrigued (and perhaps feeling a little guilty you had taken up so much of her time) you reached into your purse and pulled out a crisp $100 bill. “Now, follow me,” she said as she grabbed your hand.

You slid from the booth and followed her downstairs. You ignored the stunned gazes of your boyfriend, of your friends, of Jimin as you strode passed them. Whatever was happening, your plan was already working. Soon, you found yourself standing on the stage in the middle of the room, with the dancer next to you.

“Lie down,” she whispered sensually in your ear as she wound her hands around your waist, putting on a show for the establishment’s patrons.

“On the floor?” you asked out the side of your mouth – a thousand infectious diseases running through your mind.

“Yes,” she took your face in your hands, and brought her lips close to yours as if she was going to kiss you. She then gave a kick to your ankle and your knee buckled slightly. It was enough for her to invade your space and guide you slowly onto the stage floor. Then, suddenly, she was on top of you, straddling your hips, brushing her hair back sexily with her hands, her face mimicking a state of arousal. She then reached down and stuck the $100 into your mouth. Once again, a thousand infectious diseases ran through your mind, but you were stuck now. You heard a cheer coming from above. You looked up to the balcony where you could see your friends practically falling over the railing as they watched you, hooted and cheered you on.

The dancer began to slither her way up and down your body, rolling her waist, her hips, her neck as she used you as a replacement for a pole. The cheers became louder as the patrons sitting around the stage began to get into the show as well. You were beginning to enjoy yourself, enjoy the attention, and – you weren’t going to lie – you were kind of turned on by the whole situation.

“C’mon, darling, help me put on a show,” she said to you. “Sell the story.”

Your heartbeat hard at the idea. You looked back up to the balcony, unsure of what to do. You scanned the faces of Jinhyun and your friends, and the salacious grins they had for you. What would they do right now? Then you looked past them, and you locked on that pair of eyes still on you. Jimin. He was still watching you. He had leaned forward in his seat so he could peer down at you. His gaze, again, was so intense – like he was hungry and in need. He was watching the show. He was enjoying the show. And something inside of you wanted to put on a show for him.

In an instant, without thinking, you threaded your hands through your hair, closed your eyes and arched your back off the floor – the way you did when sex felt really, really good. Your toes curled, and your body pulled taunt, and you let out a little moan.

“That’s it,” said the dancer. She braided her fingers between yours then pinned your hands above your head as she began gyrating over you even more. “It’s just like having sex.”

She stoked her hands down your arms, your sides and across your belly. It was so erotic, you couldn’t imagine Jinhyun ever treating you so well. Then, after a few more minutes of this debauchery, she leaned her face down to yours again, and with her teeth, pulled the bill slowly from your lips.

When the show was over, she pulled you up from the stage and made you take a bow to the crowd. Adrenaline and excitement coursing through your veins, you practically ran off the stage and made your way back upstairs towards the booth.

When you reached the top of the stairs, you were greeted by a woman. It was the woman who had been canoodling with Jimin in his booth.

“He wants to see you,” was all she said before she turned on her heels and walked off. Stunned for a minute, you didn’t follow her right away, but soon, without thinking, your feet began to move.

What does he want? Your limbs began to tremble at the possibilities. Would he be upset that you were here? Would he scold you for being unprofessional in the middle of his establishment?

When you arrived at the booth, you found it empty, save for Jimin seated comfortably in it. You smiled meekly at him and bowed.

“Have a seat,” he replied cooly, gesturing to the space beside him. You obeyed, slipping yourself into the booth. He watched you as you did. You could once again feel his hot gaze burning into your head.

“It’s nice to see you again,” you smiled at him.

“Why are you here?” he asked.

“Well…” you began, but you weren’t entirely sure of the answer. “Research. I don’t know much about strip clubs. Now that’s we’ll be working together, I thought it’d be smart to get a taste of your world.”

“And, how is that world looking, princess?” You were a bit taken aback by the nickname. Princess? Was that what he thought of you. The princess to a business conglomerate and nothing more, the way the others saw you.

“You don’t like that I call you that?” if pried, able to see how you cringed.

“I’m just realizing that I have a reputation.”

“And what reputation is that?” he reached across your body to grab a bottle of vermouth. You froze stiff. For a moment, he was in your space – just for a moment - but you could have sworn that for that moment his body heat was warming your skin. He then began to pour the clear liquid into a martini glass. He swirled it around the glass then with a flick of his wrist discarded the alcohol over his shoulder and onto the floor. He then reached for a bottle of gin and poured its contents into the glass. To top it off, he picked up a piece of lemon, spritzing its juices into the glass. When he was done, he handed the martini to you.

“An aviation martini,” you smiled at him. “Very classy.” You took a sip and did your best not to choke on the pure liquor.

Jimin turned his body to face yours and placed his arm across the back. He was only inches from you now, and it set your senses ablaze. “What is this reputation that you have.”

“I guess that I’m too much of a good girl,” you made air quotes with your fingers. “That I’m only as good as my fathers name.”

“I assure you, I think that you are far more than just your fathers name.” There was something about the way he said it, or perhaps the way his eyes raked your body as he said it, that sent shivers down your spine. Not in fear, however… something else. “But are you?”

“Am I what?”

“A good girl?”

You looked back at him. He was stoic, and he watched you intently as he waited for your answer. He wasn’t, but he felt as if he was still in your space. Your eyes flitted down to his lips, then back up to that strong stare of his.

“I think I am,” you whispered.

“Is that a problem?” You felt his fingers suddenly against your cheek as he pulled a flyaway strand off your face and tucked it behind your ear. Your breath began to shorten and your heart began to pound. There was just something about him.

“I… I guess I just don’t want to be anymore.”

“Good,” he whispered back, and you felt a flutter deep in your gut. What was happening? Where you… flirting? Flirting with another man? A dangerous man? In front of your boyfriend? This couldn’t be happening.

“Jimin.”

“Yes, princess.”

“What’s a brass monkey?”

[palmett-hoes]

since the first step in achieving your goals is to state them aloud, here's a list of aftg fics/ au s that i'd like to write some day

- pre-canon fic from aaron's perspective spanning the twins' first meeting till they're drafted by the foxes and graduate high school. i'm increasingly enamored with aaron as a character as well as with an outside perspective of andrew's actions and i think it would be very interesting to look at the foundation on which their fraught relationship is built and first developed

- even more pre-canon fic. andrew's early life in foster care. yes, we all know about the most... gruesome things that were done to him, but i believe that there is plenty more that has affected and shaped him, especially in relation to my interpretation of andrew as an autistic poc. this would not be a happy fic.

- anastasia au. neil as anya, andrew as dimitri. possibly a plot amalgamation from both the animated movie and the stage show, with changes as i see fit. (no, neil is not the prince of russia). what i find most compelling about this au is the story of neil and andrew as childhood friends and then the angst of having andrew, as an adult, teaching an amnesiac neil how to act like a noble while being convinced that neil is an imposter. good shit

- art school/dance club au. the foxes attend the palmetto school of art at prestigious edgar allen university. they're considered the school's charity cases, and they are NOT friends. andrew is a studio arts major with a concentration in sculpture who works in the campus coffee shop in the mornings and frequents night clubs that employ pretty boys in the evenings. neil is attending college completely on his father's dime, PROVIDED he study what his father wants, despite his desire to study dance and music. going crazy without an outlet, neil takes a secret job as a go-go dancer. look. this may slightly possibly be a result of me having planned to party hardy this summer, then having my plans ruined by the virus :c

- 1950s High School au. the 1950s aesthetics fucking rock even though the 1950s fucking sucked. kinda wanna tackle both. plus, andrew already has that james dean bad boy fast car appeal

- an exploration of mary and nathan's relationship and history. i get that neil's parents are both super taboo and both really really awful people, but i have questions and i want to answer them

- neil never returns from baltimore. in order to keep his deals, permanently, andrew kills riko and tetsugi, and gets over 20 years in prison. when he gets out, he just wants to be alone, but it seems there's a ghost haunting him. this was conceived for MAXIMUM angst, no getting around it. i got the idea from a badacts fic and it has haunted me ever since

- post-canon sexuality exploration fic. i have a real passion for quality sex education and healthy experimentation, and neil very clearly didn't get the chance for either. yet at the end of the books he finds himself in a very intense sexual relationship. i just really want to give him the opportunity to find out how desire works for him and what he likes, on his own terms. i read a lot of fics where neil's desires seem to be completely dependent on andrew's initiaton, and while i do believe that andrew is the only person neil is attracted to and will ever be attracted to, i also want to explore how his sexuality manifests on its own. the vibe i'm going for is, uh, HornySweet (tm), but also with a lot of genuine eductional material. i want this is to be something that offers real information to its readers that may have been inaccessible for a lot of people, on topics like like sexual hygiene, maturbation, and sex toys in a non-fetishy way. this will be very very E rated, but like,, in a very earnest and goofy way because sex and sexuality is neat and cool but it's also not all serious perfect fucking. it's just,, a topic that deserves to be DISCUSSED

- mobster au. andrew, having never met aaron, takes a job for the moriyamas to track down a runaway asset. Neil. upon completion, they make andrew the butcher's apprentice, and pull neil back into the fold as a commodity rather than a person. lots of violence, lots of shady underground dealings, lots of plotting, lots of secrets.

i'm gonna put some more under the cut, ones that i don't feel as strong a drive towards right now or that i haven't thought as much about. if you (yes, YOU) like any of these, or are interested in any of these, or wanna hear more about any of these, or are even inspired to write something yourself by any of these please, PLEASE, say something in the notes, or send me a message, or an ask or anything. ANYTHING. i am stuck inside, all the time, and i am so, so lonely. i answer from hoob-gooblin

- princess bride au. come ON. princess bride is one of the most romantic AND most snarky movies of all time, and andreil literally invented love and devotion sooooooo it's a perfect match. "yes or no" vs "as you wish" kings of consent and communication and unconventional love declarations. also,, he may not be how I imagine andrew, but a young cary elwes in dramatic black pirate getup is DEFINITELY a valid andrew

- hozier au. sometimes,, i listen to an album, and imagine a fic that encompases the whole thing. nothing speaks louder to me than hozier's discography. (also, yes, i am gay). maybe a little bit inside llewyn davis. neil wanders through a small town and takes up some small jobs, but sings his heart out through twisted metaphors once a week in a hole in the wall bar staffed by a very short, dead eyed veteran

- prince and the pauper au. on a stealth recon mission in enemy territory, andrew encounters a local lord who happens to have his face. in a moment of desperation to save himself from arrest, andrew knocks the lord out and assumes his identity. he returns to the castle just in time for prince moriyama to arrive with a shifty-eyed, red-headed handservant in tow. lord aaron of columbia, meanwhile, wakes up on a ship manned by crown traitor and fugitive kevin day, calling him by a name he's never heard before, and then he's in the hands of the guerilla rebel forces that have been attacking the kingdom. i watched barbie princess and the pauper as a child and that movie fucking slaps

- little mermaid/beauty and the beast/bride of the rose beast/ladyhawke au. in a last ditch attempt to escape his father, neil trades his voice and his tail for legs and washes ashore on a small kingdom with horrible secrets. because he cannot speak, read or write, prince aaron employs neil to serve the monster in the catacombs, the prince's twin brother. the twins are under a curse that turns them into terrifying monsters, andrew by day and aaron by night. aaron's affliction is a secret, as is andrew's humanity. this is such a hodgepodge idea lol. did neil also have to be a mermaid for this to work? no. is he? hell yeah

- new york private school/twin swap au. aaron wins a scholarship to a prestigious school that will guarantee him a future, but then he relapses. convinced he just needs a little more time to get clean, he makes a deal with his volatile new brother, andrew, to stand in for him at the school just until he can his shit together. neil and ichirou moriyama have been raised together their entire lives, always under the knowledge that ichirou will inherit the family empire with nathaniel as his right hand. they hate the idea, but they have no way to escape, and now neil is being harassed by ichirou's bitchass estranged brother at their stupid, fancy private school. LISTEN, we as a fandom do NOT take enough advantage of the twin swap possibilities presented to us. pathetic

- post-canon fic where ichirou, realizing that the life of a mob boss is a lonely one, decides that he needs... a friend. however, because of the nature of his work, he can't just make friends with anyone, so he decides to make friends with neil. without consulting neil first. cue a lot of very weird, very awkward coffee dates where neil is convinced he's about to be disposed of, and ichirou just wants to know about his cats. the thing i like about ichirou is he’s a complete blank slate. i can make him a good guy, a bad guy, an ally, the Big Bad

- Kill Bill au. mary survives a bullet to the head and wakes up from a coma over a year later. with nothing left to lose, she sets out to single-handedly dismantle the wesninski circle. good thing she used to be its top assassin

- single dad andrew au. except look, look, stay with me here, okay, aaron is his son, and he's adopted nicky and kevin. LISTEN. STAY WITH ME. JUST THINK ABOUT IT. tbh the idea comes from my interpretation of the andrew/neil/kevin dynamic as distincly parental, then extending that interpretation to andrew's protection over the rest of his family.

- fashion au. andrew is a fashion designer and photographer who frequently works with allison reynolds. one day she brings around a short, twitchy assistant who looks like she just plucked him out of an alley. somehow, he becomes andrew's muse. i watch a lot of fashion competition shows

- ghibli. either howl's moving castle (andrew as sophie, neil as howl) or spirited away (?). maybe both idk

- legally blonde au. legally blonde is so good guys

[lettuce-seize-the-day]

Goodbye Until Tomorrow

Summary: Race gets accepted to his dream school. But it means he would have to leave Spot.

One-shot, 1377 words

AO3 link

Race used one hand to open his email, the other being occupied by Spot’s. He felt his grip tighten as he finally opened it and they read it together. It is our pleasure to inform you…

They sat in silence for a minute as the implications of the words on the screen set in.

“You have to go,” Spot finally said, with tears in his eyes. That was a surprise. Race could count on one hand the number of times he had ever seen him cry the entire time he had known him.

Race sighed and shook his head. “It may not even be worth it,” he replied. “I’d still have to go thousands of dollars in debt, and it may not even work out.”

Spot traced circles into his hand with his thumb. “Race, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. This is your dream school, and they’re giving you the biggest scholarship they’ve got. You’d be crazy not to.”

“The biggest scholarship they got don’t cover everything, babe,” he said as he stood up and began to pace. “I dunno if I’m good enough to be able to get out from under all dat debt once I graduate.”

On a whim, Race had applied to one of the best performing arts schools in the country. He had realized he could never truly pursue anything but dance, and he wanted to go to a stronger school for it. Not only did he get accepted into the program, they gave him the biggest financial aid package they offered. But Race did not come from money and he couldn’t pay a dime for his education. He’d have to take out the rest in loans. And it was a private school, which meant the loans would not be small.

“Don’t it say somethin’ to ya talent dat one’a the best schools in the country for dance wants ya bad enough to give ya the biggest package they got? You deserve to go somewheres they take you serious. Not here, Racer. You n’I both know ya suffocating here.”

“It ain’t jus me, though,” he said quietly. “I’d hafta leave youz behind.” Spot had a full ride to the state school in the small college town they went to. His family was here. As much as Spot hated this town, it wouldn’t make sense for him to come with Race. And they both knew it.

“Racer… people come an’ go, but youz was meant to dance. Ya gotta go somewheres they teach ya properly. This is your life we’re talkin’ ‘bout, not jus’ some college relationship.”

Those words stung. Race froze in his tracks and stared at Spot. “Is dat really all this is to ya? I’m jus’ ya college boyfriend?”

“No, of course not. That ain’t what I meant,” said Spot, standing up and grabbing his hands. He brought them to his lips and gave them a tender kiss, then spoke quietly. “But babe, I’m jus’ one person. If I’m the thing holdin’ ya back, I ain’t neva gonna forgive myself.”

Race looked down, tears filling his eyes as well. “What if ya forget ‘bout me, though?” he whispered.

“Aw, c’mon, Racer, you know that ain’t neva gonna happen,” he said, squeezing his hands and gently swinging them. “‘Sides, you’ll be surrounded by otha artists jus’ like youz. Not like in this town where everyone is white and comin’ from a total of five towns within two hours’a here. If anyone’s gonna be forgettin’ ‘bout anyone…”

“Don’t you dare,” Race said coldly. Spot was his first boyfriend, and the only person he had ever loved this way. They had something extraordinary together. Race felt like he was caught between two different once-in-a-lifetime chances: One of them the life he had always wanted, across the country; the other the love he had always dreamed of, right in front of him.

“Well, this don’t hafta be goodbye forever for us,” said Spot. “We got phones for a reason. And cars. And buses. Planes. Babe, this ain’t an opportunity that comes ‘round every day. And you know I’ll always be here for ya, wheneva you come back.”

Race shook his head. “Is it really all dat smart for me ta bury myself in debt for this? Jus’ cuz it’s my dream, or whateva?” He let go of Spot’s hands and turned around, taking a few steps away to think aloud. “Maybe I oughta jus’ stay here and do somethin’ normal, like business. I could be a business major.” He turned back around to look at Spot. They held eye contact for a second, then both immediately burst out laughing.

“You know I would neva be wid a business major, love. If you did that, you’d be givin’ up both me and dance,” Spot said as he calmed down, only partially sarcastic.

“I know, I know. I jus’ sometimes wish I could do somethin’ normal. It’d be so much easier,” Race lamented with a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, but babe, you’d neva settle for easy. Das why you came to school undeclared, das why ya fell in love wid me, and das why you could neva do nothin’ but the arts.” He grabbed his hand and gave it another kiss. “And das why you hafta go. Your future financials be damned, Racer. You’ve found somethin’ special an’ if ya let it go now, you’ll regret it for the rest’a ya life.”

“What if you’re my somethin’ special?” Race asked, looking into his deep, soulful brown eyes. “What if I let ya go an’ regret dat the rest’a my life?”

Spot took a deep breath. He knew how much Race cared for him, but he could not let that be the reason he didn’t go. “People find love all the time, Racer. But most everyone chases their dreams their whole life and never get the chance to have ‘em. Ya can’t throw away this chance on my account. I won’t letcha.”

Race bit his lip and shook his head. He turned around and sat back down on the bed. A tear finally fell from his eyes which had been welled up the whole time. “Babe, is it really worth it? I mean, do ya really think I have a chance?”

Spot came and sat right next to him and held his hand. “I think you have a better chance than anyone in the world.” He laced their fingers together and lifted his hand to give it another kiss. “I think you are the most beautiful dancer of all time.” He gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I think anyone who ever tries to dispute that is an idiot and I hate them and I will destroy them.” He stood up, then stooped down in front of Race so they were face-to-face, and gave him a gentle kiss on his nose. “And I think you would be an idiot to think anything differently.” He knelt down on the floor and grabbed both of Race’s hands, then spoke in a hushed voice. “Babe, if you don’t do this, I’m always going to be worried sick about you. There’s nothing on earth that you love as much as dance, and if you try to pursue anything else, you will be absolutely miserable.”

Race sniffled and squeezed Spot’s hands in his. “There is one thing,” he said, his voice finally cracking. "One thing I love as much as dance," he managed before he let out a gentle sob.

Spot stood up, then straddled Race in a koala-bear hug as he remained seated on the bed. “I know, baby,” he said, feeling his own voice going up as he fought the tears that threatened to spill over. “I know. But if it was me, what would you say?” he asked, tenderly tracing circles into his back with his fingertips.

Spot felt Race’s body shake against his as he started to cry. He didn’t need to answer, because they both knew he would be telling him exactly what Spot was telling him now. As the reality of their situation set in, Race felt Spot tighten his embrace and they held each other for as long as they could while they still had the chance.

[subukunojess]

Ink Demonth: Crazy Concerto

Hey guys. Jess here coming into Ink Demonth a little late. I’ve been on a road trip for half the month that really took the wind out of me both physically and creatively. I’m going to try completing my Ink Demonth entries for this month and September if I have to. 

Anyway, for Ink Demonth, I wanted to write some drabbles for my Ink Gluttony AU and practice building up the world and characters for the main stories in the AU. Nearly most of these drabbles will be canon except for certain ones which I will get to later. 

My first entry is for Music titled “Crazy Concerto”. Originally, I wanted this to be longer, but figured that I could expand it more in “The Real Demon”. 

Without further ado, please enjoy under the cut!

"You want to play an instrument?" Sammy asked as he glanced over to the small imp next to his desk. It seemed tedious and ludicrous enough that Joey asked him to babysit the toon, but it was even more so when the dancing demon himself was asking him about instruments.

Bendy laid on the floor next to Sammy's desk with nothing but pieces of paper and a few crayons. He nodded while looking up at Sammy.

"Please Sammy? Boris gets to play the clarinet and you're the best music player I know. I'm eager to learn!"

Sammy placed down his pen and pondered. "I don't know... I am a busy man and picking an instrument isn't that simple enough. And what would Joey say? You're more of a dancer than a musician." The man didn't have the heart to tell Bendy that Joey specifically had an image to uphold when it came to Bendy. That included playing instruments and actual singing. The least he could allow was music notes used as a gag or toon logic. For the music director, it was a waste of creativity and opportunity.

"What Joey won't know won't hurt him!" Bendy pleaded, "Only us and the music department will know about it. I'll even leave ya alone once a week?"

Sammy raised his eyebrow, his blue and green eyes staring right at the toon. After a few seconds, he sighed. "Alright. I guess it wouldn't hurt to spend some time teaching someone with possible potential." Bendy jumped up and cheered, letting out a whistling laugh.

"This is called a violin, a stringed instrument." Samuel Lawrence said as he presented a violin and bow to Bendy in the main orchestra room. "It can be soft and gentle or strong and loud. Like so." He tuned the violin, got into position, and played a soft melody. The bow glided against the strings as if sliding on ice. The two-foot-tall demon watched in awe, his mouth hanging open. When Sammy finished, Bendy clapped with glee.

"See? This is a kind of instrument I would play to represent you. Now you try." Sammy helped Bendy get into position. It was difficult due to Bendy's lack of a neck, but they managed. When Sammy felt that Bendy was holding the violin and bow the right way, he slowly let go and then mimed moving the bow.

With a smile, Bendy attempted to copy Sammy's movement... only to push too hard and the bow to fly right out of his hands, almost breaking the sound booth window across from them. He blinked when he heard no sounds coming from the violin and stared silently at it in confusion. Sammy winced.

"You're a little strong there. Perhaps you'll need a bigger instrument. Like a cello." The music director went to a corner, then came back with what looked like a giant violin to the devil. Bendy stared at the cello before he went up to it and tried to lift it up into position as if it were a violin. Sammy immediately stopped him.

"No, no! There's no need for that. It stays on the floor." To demonstrate, Sammy plucked a few strings on the cello. He then got a stool and helped Bendy upon it to reach the strings better. Thinking that the cello would be more durable, the demon started plucking random notes. After a minute of plucking, Bendy winced and pulled back his hand. The fingertips of his gloves seemed sore and pulsing.

"Ow... it's too strong!"

Sammy pinched the bridge of his forehead, resisting the urge to smack his head against the wall. Humans were much more simple to educate than demons, he figured. He then realized that with people like Wally, he was dealing with the lesser of two evils. However, Sammy Lawrence was a musician who never backed down on someone wanting to learn from him before.

"Okay... let's try a completely different instrument. Something a lot smaller. How about a harmonica?"

The harmonica didn't work out. A couple of times it would almost fly off of Bendy's hands and it ended quickly when the toon somehow swallowed it. It took a while for Sammy to get it out of the little imp.

The woodwinds and brass didn't work out either. Every time Bendy inhaled and blew into an instrument, a raspberry or a discordant wheeze came out as a result.

Drums? He broke them on impact.

Piano? There was promise, but there was also times where Bendy would miss the keys and ended up with fingers tied into fumbled knots.

And Sammy knew very well not to give the demon cymbals or his precious banjo. He wanted to at least keep what was left of his sanity. After an hour of trial and error, the music director was about to rip out his long brown hair when he heard Bendy pipe up.

"What's this?"

Sammy turned his head to see the toon hovering over a guitar that laid on top of a chair in the far corner of the large room right nearby the recording booth. The human blinked.

"It's a guitar. One of my musicians must have left it here. Does it intrigue you?"

Bendy didn't answer at first. Without another word, he reached out and plucked one of the guitar's strings with his finger. This felt more relaxing than the violin or cello.

"Wow..." Bendy smiled as his pie-cut eyes almost sparkled. He turned to Sammy and pouted his lip, practically begging him.

The music director's eye twitched before he sighed. At least it wasn't his banjo.

"Fine, but this is the last instrument." The little demon nodded. Wanting to try something different, Sammy knelt down in front of Bendy and talked it through to him, giving instructions in a softer tone. Although he saw the star of the studio as a demonic annoyance, it was easy to forget that Bendy was also a child in a way. Sammy just had to treat him as if he were a human boy. At least, he thought that was the case.

Bendy listened in silence as he watched Sammy mime the position and talked it through. For some reason, the guitar was calling out to him more than the other instruments did. Sure he wanted to learn how to play other instruments such as the violin and piano, but it was the guitar that hooked him in. It just screamed his name to play. This was the instrument that he wanted to be serious on. He could tell.

It took almost an hour, but Bendy managed to hold the large guitar in the right position and strum the basic notes on it. It made Sammy's eyes widen in surprise.

"Amazing. You can be taught after all!" Sammy nodded as he watched Bendy strum some more. "I think that'll be enough for today. When I'm able to, I'll introduce you to one of the members of my orchestra. His name is Ezekiel and his best instrument is the guitar. Whenever you visit the music department, you'll go to him. Do we have an agreement?"

The little demon stopped playing, thought about it, then nodded with a small grin. "Mm-hmm. I can't wait to meet him!" He continued to strum in silence. Sammy sighed in relief. At least it resulted in minor damage and the promise of peace this time. He hoped this would last for the rest of his days in the studio.

[sterlingh-117]

I have auditions for the school musical tomorrow and it is the most nervous I have ever been

Guys. I’m freaking out. In approximately 16 1/2 hours I’m trying out for the lead in the school musical. There’s a senior going out for the part (I’m a junior) and I’ve been practicing the song for well over a month, but I’m so scared. The last few school theater events (by last few I mean: 8th-10th grade ensemble parts in the musical) I haven’t gotten the biggest part and it made me really loose confidence in my skills. I used to never get nervous before auditions and even when I started to it wasn’t until day of. Now I’m trying to go to sleep and just shaking because of how nervous I am. My throat is closing up and I feel like I’m gonna puke. I never blamed my directors for not giving me a part because there was someone better suited for the roll. But this year I’m one of the oldest there, I’m PERFECT FOR THIS PART. I’m serious, if you knew me in real life and saw Adelaide (Guys and Dolls, this is the part I’m going for) then you’d realize that we were almost the same person, except she’s got a squeaky voice and is a dancer. She’s an alto, she’s a comedian, she’s dramatic. She’s BASICALLY ME. So I’m basically just making this post to reassure myself so that I can fall asleep, but I still know I’ll be shaking for hours after the audition. The parts don’t come out until the ninth of September (today is the 4th now at 12:05 am) and me getting no sleep is not going to help the situation. I really wanna like take something that’ll mellow me out but that would be bad... right? (Haha jk). So hopefully I get this part, I really do want to not be an ensemble part this year. I don’t know if I can mentally handle it. Because I went into a really high depression last year, not only because of this, there were a lot of things going on. But this happened at the same time, I was in ensemble and I was student director. I was seriously considering quitting the musical and for those of you who know me that’s a big deal because... I don’t like to quit commitments and I’m IN LOVE WITH DOING MUSICAL THEATER. It’s one of my biggest passions in life. Honestly I just wanna do my best tomorrow and see how everything goes and hope that it turns out my way. Even if it doesn’t (even though it would suck) I’m not straining my entire mental health through this tiny hole. I have a lot of toxicity removed from my life (he was just really toxic and he’s doing full time PSEO ((college)) so I will hardly see him except for musical practice and his influence being removed has really improved the environment around me, even though it’s only been one day I’ve noticed a significant difference in how my thoughts are and how his comments really did affect me majorly. And he’s someone I thought was my friend, and now he’s gone and I never realized how much better it would be with him gone) it wasn’t just one person but this persons influence on the people surrounding me has become basically invisible, so thank you to this person who has decided to leave the high school I’m in and choosing to further your education AWAY FROM ME. This is just me venting for 15 minutes. I’ll probably do the same thing tomorrow because this has really calmed me down and has really collected my anxieties and put them in a different place other than my brain. So if you made it to the end of this very long rant. Thanks, ummmmmm hope I get the part... pray for me... ummmmm bai

[multific]

Full

1940s AU!

Summary: Hux always loved to be a doctor, helping others was his life. But you weren’t like any other patient.

A/N: I just watched The Little Stranger and got inspired to write this. Hope you like it! Enjoy~

People always told him that he had a mean look. That he looked annoyed all the time. Even as a little boy.

And Armitage started to believe them. Although deep down he knew, they couldn’t be further from the truth.

He decided to become a doctor to his mother’s wishes. She did everything in her will to give his son the proper education. And that was what put her into an early grave, his father was never in the picture, so Armitage was left all alone.

But he managed.

He got himself a little apartment and even a car. Which at that time was something.

He had a private clinic for himself where he examined patients. Families paid well for him to treat them. Ultimately he had a nice life, but something was missing.

He was currently in his examination room looking after Mrs Mcloan.

“Nothing serious, ma’am. Just a simple cold. I will give you some medicine and you should be fine.”

The elderly woman smiled at the red-haired man, thanked him and then left.

She was the last patient for the day. It has already begun to get dark outside.

He was packing his bag and about to leave when his phone rang.

***

“Thank you for coming, Doctor. And in such short notice as well.”

“It’s perfectly fine Mrs. Y/L/N.”

“My daughter has been sick for the last couple of days. I’m worried for her, she’s not herself.”

As the woman walked him around the enormous house, he had little time to look around, the house was fancy and luxurious. He was mesmerized by it all.

“This way doctor.” the woman said and opened a door which leads to a big room. It had lots of books in it, the décor was quite simple.

And in the middle of it was a huge bed.

As Armitage walked closer, he looked at the young female laying between the warm sheets.

You.

As you opened your eyes and looked at the man standing next to your bed, you tried to sit up but failed. You were way too weak.

For some reason Armitage wanted to help you, but he knew better. He only watched you.

He had to admit, you were the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

“Good evening, Ms Y/L/N. My name is Dr Armitage Hux. I will be your doctor.” he said once he found his voice.

So he began with his routine. Your mother watched with worried eyes.

“I have to ask some questions Ms. Y/L/N. Would you mind leaving us alone Mrs. Y/L/N?”

Without another word your mother and your maid left the room. Armitage turned back to you. You looked pale and tired, almost dead if he was honest with himself. You must have been sick for longer than just a few days.

“Ms Y/L/N, how long have you been unwell?” you looked into his eyes and Armitage swore he felt something in his move, something that never did before.

“About one and a half week…maybe two.” your voice was weak. The man shook his head.

“Do you feel any sort of pain?” you could only nod.

“Where exactly?” you pulled your hands up and placed it on your chest. The doctor nodded.

“Is the pain burning pain or stabbing pain?” you stopped for a few seconds, made a face and answered.

“Burning.”

“Okay, most likely you have some kind of pneumonia. I will give a vaccine to you.”

The doctor did his job. But he could help but notice your smooth skin.

***

Doctor Hux has been coming to your home for about a month now. You slowly started to get better and better.

“Hello Doctor.” you greeted him as he entered your room.

“Good morning Ms Y/L/N.”

He did his usual stuff. While checking your pulse he accidentally touched stomach. It made you flinch a little since you weren’t used to someone else’s touch, especially not a man’s.

“I’m so sorry.” he said, face becoming red.

“It’s okay.” you whispered back. It made him look up as his gorgeous green eyes met with yours.

You became slightly red. The two of you just stared at one another. He suddenly looked at your lips then back into your eyes. He slowly leant forward and that’s when the door opened and in came your mother.

She stopped as Armitage leant back quickly, hoping your mother didn’t see anything, he quickly collected his things and left in a hurry.

As he left he missed to see your disappointed face or the grin on your mother’s.

***

“I don’t understand why my mother insists on you still coming over. I mean, you already cured me.”

“You sound like you don’t like my company.”

“Oh no! I do. It’s just I think she has a plan of some sorts.” He pulled the stethoscope out of his ears as he looked at you.

This time you were sitting in one of the many lounges that your house had to offer. With the doctor right in front of you. He sat down on a chair in front of yours.

“What sorts of plan, Ms Y/L/N?”

“I already told you to call me, Y/N, Doctor.” the male nodded. And waiting for you to continue. “I think she wants to set us up. The other day Becca, one of our maids, said that my mum thinks we have a spark. She would have already given you my hand in marriage if it wasn’t up to you.” you said and picked up your tea.

It was true, Armitage did develop feelings for you during his time of visit. The only problem was that he was too shy to do anything about it. Since he was afraid of rejection.

“And…what do you think, Y/N? Do you think we have a….spark?” he watched you carefully. A small smile danced along your lips.

“Maybe.”

***

You always loved dancing.

So when Armitage asked you to go to a party with him, you were more than happy. You picked out a nice dress of yours.

At first Armitage didn’t want to dance, saying he was bad at it.

“Come on, Armitage, please!”

“I’m a horrible dancer.” but in the end, you convinced him. And as it turned out, he wasn’t so bad.

The two of you danced until you could barely walk.

He drove you home, it was pretty late in the night.

As Armitage drove he realized that you have fallen asleep. Your skirt slowly got pulled upwards so he had a view of a little bit of your thigh and your knee.

He had to stop himself from reaching over and running his fingers along it. Your skin looked way too smooth to him.

A bump in the road shock the whole vehicle. It made you get up. You looked at Armitage who was looking at the road.

After he pulled up in front of your house, he stopped the engine.

“Thank you for tonight, Armitage. I really enjoyed myself.” before he could even say something, you placed a kiss to his cheek and exited the car.

The smile that was on his face for days after said it all.

***

The next time you met him was because of tragic. You father had passed away, leaving your mother and yourself all alone.

At the funeral, Armitage was there and he held you while you were crying.

After that day, Armitage came over more frequently. He was worried about you.

What he didn’t expect was for you to open the door to him. Not a maid, but you.

“Everyone is out. My mother went to visit my aunt and the maids are all with their family.” you explained to him. As you stood right next to the fireplace.

“So, you are all alone? That’s not safe.” you chuckled a little.

“It’s fine, I have you here now.” you said as you went ahead and kissed him. He reciprocated the kiss as his hands went to cup your cheeks. Your hand roamed into his short hair.

After a few moments of heat he pulled away, although his body and brain told him not to.

“Are you sure about this? About us?” he asked looking into your eyes

“I love you Armitage.” was all you needed to say before his lips were on yours again.

On that very night, your love blossomed as you both reached your climaxes.

Later that evening Armitage was looking at you as you slept against his chest.

“I love you too, Y/N.” he kissed your forehead before he went to sleep while holding you close.

***

On your wedding day, your mother went all out and purchased a house for the two of you.

You couldn’t wait to start life with the man you love. Your husband picked you up bridal style, while you were still in your wedding dress and carried you into your new home.

And Armitage’s life finally felt full.

Little did he know about the little girl that will be born a year later.

His daughter will truly be the one who would make his life more than full.

Taglist: imreadinggoaway fleursirvart  v-2bucky ehsebastian crunch-time-sports pxstelrainbow ablogbypeteparker liamssmiler smexylemony greenarrowhead feelingsareharddd thisismysecrethappyplace sincerelyfan theoneanna

~Masterlist~

[modernlcve]

*  —  stats —   kelsey dyer !

* — basics !

full name:   kelsey nicole dyer. nickname(s):   none standard. age:   twenty-two. date of birth:   december fourth. place of birth:   boston,   massachusetts. gender:   female. pronouns:   she / her. sexual orientation:   bisexual. level of education:   high school graduate.

* — physical !

tattoos:  none. piercings:   ears pierced twice,  right cartilege pierced.   used to have her belly button pierced, but she’s someone’s mom now. notable features:   big ol’ doe eyes. weakness(es):   too trusting :pensive: scar(s):   a faint one,   right above her left eyebrow.

* — domestic !

occupation:   front end clerk at the superstore. residence:  lives in an apartment with anthony. social class:   upper middle class. parents:   joseph dyer,   age 49,   a contractor,   he can’t relate to kelsey on much, but they try their best to get along. heather dyer,  age 48,    the parent kelsey has historically been closest with. siblings:   joseph dyer jr,   age 26,   the most supportive member of her family by far.   he takes being the oldest serious.   cameron dyer,  age 9,   a fundamentally good kid,   even if won’t stop getting caught drawing dicks in the window on the bus. children:   indigo harding,   who is born the second i post this.    she’s an aries destined 2 overpower kelsey One Day. extended family:  her father has 3 sisters,   they spend holidays with her paternal grandparents and then all her cousins and stuff.

* — personality !

positive traits:   lively.   big-hearted.   encouraging. negative traits:   naive.   judgemental.   holds a grudge. myers-briggs ( x ):   enfp,   the campaigner. temperament:   sanguine. moral alignment:   neutral good. horoscope:  sagittarius,   the archer. hogwarts house:  gryffindor.

* — favorites !

movie:    uptown girls. tv show:   america’s next top model. book:   the wizard of oz by l frank baum. drink:   cherry cola. food:   mac n cheese. animal:   raccoons. color:   lavender. song:   long live by taylor swift. artist:   britney spears. celebrity crush:   chris hemsworth.

* — impressions !

first impression:  she makes a decent first impression. she lacks a filter and can sometimes cross a line with things she says without realizing it,  but,   for the most part,   she’s pretty bubbly and friendly and all that. self impression:   she’s got a healthy self esteem,   for the most part.   she thinks she has a good head on her shoulders and a strong moral code.   she thinks she treats people well,   and that’s what really matters. lover impression:   she’s a good girlfriend,   i think. supportive,   tries to relate to their interests  ( even if she simply cannot get baseball ).   she thinks there’s power in little things and rolls with that.

* — et cetera !

turn ons:   tall people.   ambition.   kindness. turn offs:   condescension.   hipsters.   mustaches. drink/drugs/smoke:   yes/weed/no. dominant hand:   left,  but claims to be ambidextrous,   her right hand just sucks. clean or messy:   messy. early bird or night owl:   night owl. hobbies or special talents:   she did ballet for years,   she’s a pretty good dancer.   she’s also double jointed and can do that thing where u flip ur eyelids inside out.

* — QUESTIONNAIRE !

01. where was your character born? what brought them to boston? what do they like most about the town?

kelsey was born in boston.   she’s stuck around because of circumstance,   she couldn’t afford to go off far after she graduated,   and her family needed her to stick around a little,   but she doesn’t know if she would have left,   even if she could.   she doesn’t think about it much anyway,   because she knows boston is where she’s meant to be:   if she hadn’t been here,   she wouldn’t have met anthony,   she wouldn’t have had indigo,   and it just feels like it’s where she really truly belongs at this point in time,   at least.

02. who are your character’s friends and family? who do they surround themselves with? who are the people your character is closest to?

in the past year,   kelsey’s really been Figuring this out.   her relationship with a lot of her friends and family changed after she got pregnant.   she’s never been exceptionally close with her father,   and he’s tried his best to be cool about all this,   but it took a toll on her relationship with her mother.  they were always close,   but her mom is just Simply not jiving with the decisions kelsey’s been making.   her brothers have passed less judgement,   and of her actual family,   she’d say she’s closest to them  ( even her mom has Limited her access to cameron lately ).   but anyways all that is part of the reason she’s so apt to call her palls from the superstore her family.   she really does consider them her closest friends,   as they’re people who didn’t start treating her different.   she feels like nobody skipped a beat.   outside of that,   there’s anthony,   of course,   and by extension of him,   the college Gang.   she doesn’t feel as Welcome among their ranks:   she knows she isn’t as fancy or smart as most of them and just tries to keep to herself when they’re all out.

03. what is your character’s biggest fear? who have they told this to? who would they never tell this to? why?

kelsey’s current biggest fear is that her mother is right,   and she is messing up her life or anthony’s with having this baby,   or that she just generally won’t be a good mom.   most of her is confident she’s doing the right thing:   she’s excited to be a mom,   she loves anthony,   she feels like they’re gonna get through this.   but she knows it won’t be a walk in the park,   and she’s not stupid enough to not realize that people don’t see her as the Most Competent.   she’s ready to give it her all,   and work to make it all fall into place,   but she’s worried she won’t be enough,   and she’ll screw up indigo,   and ruin things for anthony,   and mess up her life.   she’s probably pretty open about this,  in the kind of way where she’s looking for validation.   its a conversation she’s had with anthony more than once.   she’s never tell her mother this,   she’s not about to give her the satisfaction.

04. has your character ever been in love? had a broken heart?

kelsey had two “”serious” partners before anthony:   a high school sweetheart  ( a football player who proposed to her before they graduated,   prompting her to call it off )  and a Grown Up relationship  ( a girlfriend she had fresh out of high school,   she dumped kelsey before she studied abroad,   didn’t want to be held back ).   she thought she loved both of them and felt pretty heartbroken after they were out of her life.   being In Love with anthony has definitely  made her reconsider how intense she thought those relationships were,   but ultimately,   she doesn’t discredit them because they were so important to her at the time,   she’s taken the thank u next approach.

06. it’s saturday at noon. what is your character doing? give details.

if she’s not working,   she’s probably either goofing off on youtube enjoying a grilled cheese or,   in recent weeks,   she’s taken to scouring mommy forums online that,   quite frankly,   scare the shit out of her.   she’s been trying to do things like take midday naps and go see rated r movies while she still can,   so maybe she’s out there just fucking around and enjoying her freedom.

07. what is one strong memory that has stuck with your character since childhood?

kelsey did ballet for most of her life,   from age 5 through all the way through high school.   she remembers sitting in her mother’s bathroom before one of her first recitals,   getting all dolled up in the mandatory makeup:   mascara,   lipstick,   all that jazz.   she remembers how grown it made her feel,   even if her eyes watered and ruined the mascara twice,   and it frankly stands out to her more than the recital itself.

09. what is something that upsets your character? where do they go when they’re upset?

kelsey is a Bit Tender and a lot of things make her upset,   at least on a surface level.   but it takes more to actually get under her skin and make her Truly Upset.   its mostly people related,   rude little comments with bite,   feeling like people don’t like her or judge her/someone she loves.   she’s protective of her brood.   when she’s upset,   she likes to curl up in bed with junk food and watch a little mindless tv.   maybe it doesnt fix things,   but its a distraction.

10. when your character thinks of their childhood kitchen, what smell do they associate with it? why?

her dad is one of Those Guys that has a special chili recipe he’s Very much a diva about.   he made it at least weekly,   and the smell of it all sitting out to simmer for hours stands out to her.   she liked to help him with it,   it was one of the few things they could bond over.

[multifandom-hoes]

Going Under

Member: BaekHyun // EXO

Genre: Stripper!AU, Angst, Smut(?), Fluff(?)

Words: 2.4k

It was a long night. Such a long night, indeed, that you did not even realize how you ended up here, in this darkened room with red lights at the sides, with the podium lit and a male dancer slowly discarding his clothes.

If you thought back to it, you could remember everything from the past couple of hours avidly- your friend calling you, crying into her phone and begging for you to make her feel better, to get her out of her misery. It was her first love who broke her heart.

Now normally, your procedure would be simple, some wine or ice-cream and some horror movies so that she could wipe away all of her violent tendencies towards her ex. However. There was always a however in stories as such. The however was the fact that after your friend called you, she also called another one, and then the other one, as well. Soon, there were five in all who knew about the break-up and wine and ice-cream with movies was no longer an option. A red-light district was the option now.

So, there you were, sat in a leather couch with a glass of red wine that looked black in the dimmed lights. It was uncomfortable and suffocating to be sat there, just in front of the stage where half naked men were dancing for money. The smell in the air was too sweet, too sweaty, too sexy.

There was a sudden change in the tunes and the males abandoned their poles while quietly collecting their clothes upon their exit from the stage. And then he entered. Handsome, young, well-toned man. With black leather on his legs and a white, nearly transparent shirt loosely tucked into his pants- this man was stunning. No wonder he was a special, solo show so deep into the night.

He was agile and intense, yet you felt uncomfortable while looking at him. From all the glances you caught from him, all the intensity was now swirling in your system, and that intensity mixed with wine was close to arousal as he took off his shirt to reveal his toned torso. The man must have been a devil. You felt as if you went under as he stepped down from the stage and towards the front rows. Towards your seat. Your head was swimming. You could hardly breathe.

“Hello.” He muttered into your ear, his voice lowered in order to make it more seductive, his eyes intense as he drew back. Your ears were burning.

“Hi.” Thank God your voice kept intact with reason, not shaking and without any intent that you felt in your core.

His smile was a practiced one, a fake one, the uncomfortable feeling was back. Arousal was gone. You felt bad. He felt worse, you knew he did. But then his lips brushed your neck and you felt your head dizzy, eyes wide, neck turned to the side to open up more space for him to act upon. “Have a good evening, Love.” And then he was gone, onto another helpless, lonely woman, away from you and your friends.

“You, my dear, are open for a chance to get laid with a hot man.” Chuckled one of your friends, and soon all of them joined in, even the heartbroken mess with sobs from before, eyes puffy, was smiling and adding a jab at the encounter that just passed. “Go for him.” A wink and then they were back at beckoning on men, trying to loosen up and have some fun.

It was hot in the strip club. Too hot. You had to get out of there. And so, you did. You got up, and walked towards the bar, with your neck still burning with embarrassment and shame, eyes lowered to avoid all the exposed skin. It was not your kind of place to be in. You preferred horror movies over strip clubs anytime.

You were about to order some alcohol from the ever-smiling bartender, smile as fake as all the rest in the room, but a familiar voice spoke before you could. “You okay there, Love?”

Your voice was gone, dried up, but yet you forced yourself to speak. “Dizzy.”

The star of the show kept quiet, and you were about to order and walk away from him, suddenly in a hurry, but yet again he spoke before you. “Get her some water and ask someone to bring it to my room.” And that was it. He was walking away, and unknowingly you were walking behind him, with your wrist in his, too sick to argue.

It was much cooler in his dressing room, and as you plopped down into a single chair in the crowded room, you loosened a sigh. The dizziness passed, yet you still felt as if in water, your movements hard to accomplish without a physical sickness.

“You better?” his voice seemed to change, lighter now, more youthful and higher- no longer seductive but natural. Conversation like.

“Sorry to be a bother.” You bowed your head, and felt yourself falling, then hands on your shoulders steadying you.

“Careful there, Champ.” He was amused. This was good enough, you guessed, apart from the fact that now you had embarrassed yourself with your drunk head. “You seriously can’t take alcohol, huh? Why come here, then? You broke up, or something?” he was surprisingly talkative, that man with a toned chest.

You lifted your head to stare into his face- dark red hair, eyes intense with makeup, a casual, curious smile. He had a youthful appeal. You suddenly wondered whether you were older than him, since he looked so young. “It was my friend who broke up today. I didn’t wanna come here, but was forced to. Basically. Since she told other friends and they decided to come to a strip club to cheer up. Who comes to strip clubs to cheer up, anyway?”

He scratched his chin, eyes suddenly with a sparkle of realization. “I see, now. It makes sense.”

“Why? Do I not look like the type of person to come and look for quick sex with a wave of some money?”

The man winced, guilt came over me like a wave. His smile turned fake again. “No, it’s just… You looked tense while I, you know, tried to seduce you.”

“Sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it. I’m certain I’m drunk. Alcohol is to blame.” You were blabbering, sentences no longer made much sense. You wanted to sleep. You needed a drink. Water. Where was the bartender with that cup of water the man in this room promised you?

It was dead quiet after your mini speech. So quiet it was uncomfortable. Sleep sounded good right about now.

“Hey, so what’s your name?” sleep was not an option, though, and so you spoke.

“Stage name or—"

“Real name. I’m not talking to you the stripper right now, am I?”

His eyes flinched for a second and his breathing stopped, but then he spoke, slow and uncertain and defensive. “BaekHyun.”

“Nice to meet you, BaekHyun. So why did you decide to become a stri—”

The water was here. Thank God the water was here.

“I’ve got you some medicine, as well, since you mentioned you were dizzy.” The bartender spoke, a small smile of empathy on his face.

“You’re an angel. Thanks.” Whoever that man was, God shall bless him.

He shook his head in response, waving his hand at BaekHyun to signify his goodbye. “I became a stripper because I needed money. You pointed out that it’s quick cash yourself- I needed that cash.”

Your lip curled up, dissatisfaction in your voice. “I told you I didn’t mean it. I’m not judging you by your career choice, or anything. It just doesn’t seem like a path where one walks because they want to. Clearly you’re not enjoying what you’re doing here.”

“Sometimes I do, to be honest. You get a pretty girl with a lot of cash and it’s easy and simple, then. Other times you get old with cash, and that’s where it gets… Ugly. You get people without cash, or men, either with or without. It’s a varying business, but it pays well enough if you don’t have any mad dogs on your back to write some money off of your pay check.”

“So why are you in this business?”

“I’ve got some serious debt.” He spoke, sitting himself down onto the table which held his make-up supplies. “From gambling, too. I managed to get off the hook before it became too late, but during those younger years I got into mah-jong and lost everything I could. Money, friends and education. Family wrote my name off the family book. I have nobody left so I turned to strip clubs. That was my last resort.”

“Wah. And you find the debt is getting paid off?” it was a genuine, curious question. He didn’t seem to mind, either.

“It is, albeit slowly. I reckon by the time I’m too old for this branch of business, I’ll be able to get away with a clean consciousness and no longer in debt.” A small smile adorned his face. A real smile. He looked handsome, sitting with his legs crossed in a low, yellowish-white light.

“That’s good, then. A person doesn’t deserve to waste away in a place like this. What are you planning on doing after getting out?”

He chuckled, then, “You sound as if we’re talking of me in prison.”

“But it is, though, isn’t it? A prison of sorts?” You took a swing of water and downed the medicine after your sentence, waiting for him to respond.

He didn’t respond, though. Didn’t respond for a long time. Then a hurt chuckle, “I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am, I watched all those gangster movies, red light districts are always like that, slaving people away with their corrupt schemes.” You shook your head in disappointment, the water overwhelming you from before slowly dispersing, making you sober with slow steps.

He choked in disbelief, apparently surprised by your comment. “Whatever you say, Love.”

Then there was silence again. Your eyes started to wander. BaekHyun was still shirtless. “You know, I never expected this night to go this way. It’s an interesting plot twist. I like it. You’re nice. I like you, too, by the way.” Another unnecessary piece of information and you clamped your mouth shut. “Sorry, I seem to still be drunk.”

He waved his hands as if to stop your apology. “It’s fine, really. I’m complimented, so you shouldn’t be apologizing.” He leaned forward as he spoke, and through the action your eyes wandered down his chest, abdomen, to his crotch, the leather pants leaving little to the imagination. “Are your friends not worried for you?”

“I’m certain they forgot I was with them.” Your legs felt wobbly and your head under the water again, going under, deeper and deeper. You stood up and took a step toward him. “Hey, BaekHyun. You said you tried to seduce me before. While dancing.”

He kept quiet, his eyes serious, smile gone. What were you doing, again? You rubbed your thighs, though, and you knew what you were doing. He was there, your chance for a quick relief in such a long time. It’s not as if you’re going to meet him again, anyway. “So I did.” He said, his hands gripping the table he was sitting on.

“Good.” Your lips touched his.

There was no pleasure with whatever transpired last night, that much you could remember from looking at the sleeping face of the man you blankly remembered as BaekHyun. It was all simple pleasure, each got their own and then you were supposed to go separate ways. Yet he was in your apartment, still asleep, vulnerable with heavy dark eyebags. You suddenly didn’t want him to leave.

You lay like that for a long while, thinking and rethinking the line you planned on telling him. You wanted this. Whatever this was to become. He seemed sweet when you spoke with him, even if you don’t remember much of what you spoke. Getting to know him better couldn’t hurt, right? Hopefully, it won’t. Hopefully, he agrees to your proposition.

“Hey, Love, why don’t we go on a date, tomorrow?” he spoke, eyes still closed, voice husky with sleep.

“You were awake?” your surprise was too evident in your voice, but it was genuine.

He smiled groggily, “Was for a while.” His arms left your torso where it had rested for the better part of the night. “So, how about that date?”

“Why, all of a sudden?” the confusion continued, and your head had developed a throb from overthinking.

“Wasn’t that what you were thinking?”

A blush covered your cheeks. “So maybe it was.”

“I wouldn’t mind getting to know you better. If only you’d stick with me for a couple years more before I pay off my debt.” So the debt part of our conversation was not a dreamt up thing. “You know all the bad things about me now, anyway. So why not give it a try?”

“I thought you wouldn’t want that, though.”

“I want a friend. Even if the friendship started like that.”

“So do you offer friendship to all women you sleep with, then?” it was a jab not meant to insult, but once again a genuine curiosity one.

“I don’t sleep with them, per se. Just seduce them, get the money, and go away. You were an exception, or more like an accident. I didn’t mean to sleep with you. Sorry. I should’ve stopped, since you were drunk.”

“I pushed myself onto you, it’s me who should be sorry.” That was a whisper, but he heard and shook his head.

“The both of us were at fault, then. To make up for that, how about agreeing to that date?” his eyes opened, unfocused due to being in the dark for such a long while.

“To make up for our faults, you say… I would love to.” A smile. A genuine smile. And your head under the water again, swimming in the remainder of alcohol in your system and the new influence of warmth from a newly formed relationship. The anticipation of where this relationship going to take you dragging you under.

[jeanjauthor]

I had the pleasure of attending the national touring production of Something Rotten! at the 5th Avenue Theater in Seattle.

For those not familiar with what I’m talking about, the national artform in America, indigenous to the United States of America, its culture, etc, is the musical.  Musical theater, with song and dance and plots, just two Acts, and so forth.  Most people think of Broadway in New York City being the place to go see hot new musicals such as Cats or Hamilton, but in truth, musical theater is found all over the 50 States, from village and community theater productions all the way up to the Big 3 Cities of New York, Chicago...and yes, Seattle, Washington.

Our premiere production site here in the Seattle area, The 5th Avenue Theater (The 5th Ave for short), is a magnificent stage theater first built in the old days of Vaudeville over ninety years ago, and decorated (with permission!) in the style of the Forbidden City of Imperial China.  It was converted to a cinema for a while, but in the late  dedicated to the production of musicals, both touring companies and original creations, and in 1979, 43 corporations and multiple philanthropic donors created the non-profit Fifth Avenue Theater Association, dedicated primarily to the education, creatin, and promotion of musical theater in the Pacific Northwest.  It restored the theater to its former splendor, which you can see here:

and here, a gorgeous shot of what the theater looks like from the stage when the house lights are fully up (and they’re using a flood light because the house lights aren’t all that bright when a production is being presented, lol)...:

It’s also actually bigger than most NYC Broadway theaters; most people here in Seattle don’t realize how good we have it, with tickets being well within the reach of many musical theater enthusiasts, and the quality of productions being favorably comparable to many of those in New York and Chicago.  And the5th Ave regularly employs anywhere from 800 to 1,100 actors, singers, dancers, musicians, creative artists, theatrical technicias, and various other arts professionals, year after year.

The 5th Ave has also premiered (as in created!) multiple new works over the years, including Disney’s Aladdin, A Christmas Story, Shrek, The Wedding Singer, and two Best Musical Tony Award-winners, Hairspray and Memphis. My sister is a huge musical theater nut.  She and my mother have had season tickets to the 5th Ave for over 23 years (we’re on season 24), attending pretty much every single production they can. ...Unfortunately, my sister has been severely ill since November of 2016, falling sick just after her birthday...and has been stuck in the hospital flat on her back or her side most of that time.  It’s been hard, but she is recovering, and is finally free to relearn how to walk.  When you spend that much time in bed, your muscles atrophy severely.  Simple tasks we take for granted, such as just sitting up, become nigh-impossible without huge heaps of effort and lots of helping hands. But, she is recovering, and I am glad. Because she has not been able to leave the hospital all this time, I have been attending the 5th Ave performances in her place--I used to do that once in a while if one of them couldn’t make it, or they didn’t want to go to a particular musical...or they just thought I’d enjoy it even more.   There was a dry period for about 5-6 years, though...so on the one hand I’ve been feeling incredibly guilty for my sis not being able to go see the thing she loves most, musical theater...and on the other hand, thrilled that yesss, I get to go to the 5th Avenue again!...which is going to come to an end once she gets well enough to make it down the ramp to her seat on the ground floor. Anyway, long story there. The first half of this was admittedly me just bragging with a local’s pride at how magnificent our musical theater building is, how great the productions...and I just recently saw Something Rotten! which was outstandingly funny, and very meta in that it poked fun at musical theater itself, as well as poking serious fun at The Bard, William Shakespeare...just in time for Seattle’s year-long celebration of Shakespeare’s many contributions to literature over here in the English-speaking world.  (The way they portray Shakespeare is a hoot, and I love his theme song--oh, and one of the two main protagonists sings an hilarious song titled “God I Hate Shakespeare!” that had me in stitches...)  It’s a good musical, it’s doing a national touring company, and it’s worth seeing.  (The 5th Ave did not originate it, btw, but they are hosting it.) Still, that’s not the big thing I wanted to say down here in the second half (last third?) of this post.  What I really want to share you is an article in the programme booklet they handed out, from David Armstrong, Executive Producer and Artistic Director.  As I read it while waiting for the musical to begin, it strongly resonated with me as a writer.  And though my formats are narrative prose and the occasional snippet of poetry, not musical theater, what Mr. Amrstrong says about storytelling bears repeating & sharing. So here are pics of the article; I apologize for the quality of the scans, as my printer is old...

...It’s important for writers to re-stimulate ourselves & our enthusiasm for storytelling by enjoying the stories told by others, especially through different mediums.  If you write screenplays, read a book of prose, or of poetry.  If you write books, watch a musical, or go see a movie.  If you write musicals, go enjoy a movie or attend a slam poetry night, or go see a ballet.

Do something different to recharge yourself!  You deserve to be inspired by other artists.  And they deserve to be inspired by you.  Even if it’s “just fanfic,” your writing can inspire others.  I know a handful writers who got published because they read some of my fanfics, and decided to be inspired to try doing it themselves.  (That is awesome, btw...)

So!  May you one day get a chance to see a really good musical, if you haven’t already done so before...and may it be one of the outstanding performances often held right here at our gorgeous 5th Avenue Theater!

Enjoy,Jean

[cirquenuit-rp]

We welcome the following characters into the Cirque family. Under the cut, you will find the full apps of the accepted characters. Please, go over the checklist, refer to this post, and make sure to send in your blog to the main in under 24 hours!

Calliope Hunte [Ashley Moore] played by Eva

Fee Lavrouye [Ruth Negga] played by Marie

Kalila Shain [Gal Gadot] played by Maggie

Olivia Sergeant [Halston Sage] played by Jen

Penelope ‘Penny’ Arden [Shailene Woodley] played by Deja

Sanni Wirtanen [Dakota Fanning] played by Beth

Scout Hallow [Lily Collins] played by Ashleigh

Alexander Blake [Leonardo DiCaprio] played by Matt

Marcellus Leonard Dyer [Bill Skarsgard] played by Ro

Silas Nakamura [Sen Mitsuji] played by Bella

Trevor Dewitt [Logan Lerman] played by Joseph 

Vicente ‘Vince’ Vega [Oscar Isaac] played by Frankie

Connie Stuart [Natalia Dyer] played by Bex

Character Name: Calliope Hunte Age: 28 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: She/her From: Speightstown, Barbados Time in the Cirque: 5 years Faceclaim: Ashley Moore Act or Job: Contortionist

About the Character:

Calliope comes from a long line of Voodoo Queens in Barbados. The practice can be traced several generations before her, and led her to actively practice the religion for her entire life.

She began learning contortion at around eight years old. It was unintentional, as she started out learning traditional dance before realizing her natural hyper-flexibility. Often times, she’d use it to scare her siblings and kids at school .

Calliope often communicated with spirits when she was a teenager, doing it so often she began to view herself as ‘Chosen’. Because of her religious practices, her mother and aunts that she lived with never saw the frequent communication as a threat and often encouraged it.

She joined the circus to flee her gang-ridden hometown at the request of her mother. She wanted Calliope to be as far away from the violence as possible and ushered her away to the circus in the dead of night. Calliope used her unconventional skills as a contortionist to hold her own against other performers.

She has dabbled in aerial silks during her time at the circus, and can often be found practicing her contortion combined with the aerial silks. It’s also a handy way to sneak away and have alone time between her shows.

Character Name: Fee Lavrouye Age: 35 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: female, she/her From: Marseille, France Time in the Cirque: 8 years Faceclaim: Ruth Negga Act or Job: Medic, also helps out with costuming and other misc. tasks

About the Character:

A seamstress in her youth, she became a medic accidentally: four faulty floorboards, five broken bones, no emergency care, and one girl with a needle and thread who could stop the bleeding.

She’s naturally maternal, especially to the acro girls who come to her tent all the time. She loves to chat with them and has become quite the storyteller.

She sings sea shanties, drinking songs, and other nonsense under her breath while she sews.

She has many little siblings back in Marseille, and still writes them all letters, the old fashioned way.

Before joining the Cirque, she made costumes for the Paris Opera Ballet. She left shortly after the medical incident.

Character Name: Kalila Shain Age: Thirty-three. Gender/Preferred Pronouns: Cis female/feminine pronouns From: London, England Time in the Cirque: Four years. Faceclaim: Gal Gadot Act or Job: Medic About the Character:

When Kalila was a child, she wanted to be a unicorn. Once her otherwise very supportive parents convinced her that it simply wasn’t biologically possible, she decided she’d rather be a ballerina instead.

Her dance career was derailed following a car accident as a young adult. She wasn’t too severely injured, and neither were any of her friends who were in the car at the time, but she realized that her body just couldn’t quite rebound the way she needed it to to keep pursuing a career in dance. So, she decided that if she couldn’t be a dancer, she’d be a doctor and fix people’s bodies instead.

Kalila wants to help people. When she danced, it was about providing people with some sort of escape from whatever they were going through, even if it was only for a few hours. Now, she can see someone at their worst and gently pull them back together.

Her career at the circus started not long after she received her medical degree. Something had always itched under her skin, pulling her away from her sheltered upbringing. Travelling with the circus has opened her eyes to new cultures that she might not have otherwise experienced, and opened her ears to the stories of those around her.

Although she’s compassionate with her patients, Kalila absolutely will not hold back if someone isn’t following her medical direction. She tends to be snarky with “repeat offenders” (usually the daredevils) who she thinks end up in the medical office too frequently.

Character Name: Olivia Sergeant Age: 23 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: cisfemale, she/her From: Napa Valley, California Time in the Cirque: two years Faceclaim: Halston Sage Act or Job: tech crew, lighting 

About the Character:

After Olivia dropped out of college and couldn’t find the strength to tell her parents what she’d done, the circus found her. She was on track to graduate and go on to medical school but couldn’t stomach it, and seeing the opportunity for a new life she ran without looking back. She wrote her parents a letter as soon as she was out of town, but is using this time as a form of escape. She’s able to travel the world and think about what she really wanted from her life, all while in good company. Or at least that’s what she tells herself, after two years she feels just as unsure about her future, cementing her place with the troupe for the foreseeable future.

The Sergeants owned a winery and horse ranch. She never wanted for anything, and prior to this had never even held down a real job. It was a shock to her system when she had to suddenly go by someone else’s schedule and learn to budget her money. Even after all this time she can still get caught in a tricky financial situation after she’s spent her entire paycheck without thinking. It hasn’t resulting in any serious trouble yet, but it’s not something that she’s going to get under control any time soon.

Liv comes from a huge family, in terms of birth order she’s number four out of five. She was raised with three brothers and one much older sister, giving her the distinct ‘tomboy’ feeling that every little girl has when she spends all her time roughhousing with her brothers. Even when she was home she was continually lost in the shuffle of different activities, always watching her mother balance schedules and try to get everyone where they needed to be. The circus feels like home to her with all the rushing chaos and people, and she’d never thought she’d say it but thanks to her family she’s learned how to keep her cool and stay organized in this environment.

Originally she was going to sign on as a medic given her education, but there was an opening with the lighting crew and she jumped at the chance to learn a new skill set far away from the one she was running from. At first she was just another crew member but as time has gone on she’s slowly moved up the ranks and likes to think of herself as an assistant to the lighting board operator. When shows are particularly empty she’s even been allowed to run the board a few times- which she absolutely jumps at the chance to do.

She’s horrendous at keeping her own secrets but tries valiantly to keep other people’s. There’s something so genuine and bright about her that it’s hard to get mad even when it’s discovered that she’s spoiled something. She does make a big deal of apologizing, but she doesn’t often try to help clean up the messes she’s made, especially when they don’t directly affect her. A rule of thumb around the circus is not to tell Liv if there’s a surprise party being planned.

Character Name: Penelope “Penny” Arden Age: 25 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: She/Her From: Cartersville, Georgia Time in the Cirque: 4 months Faceclaim: Shailene Woodley Act or Job: Tightrope Walker About the Character:

Penny was a competitive gymnast throughout her adolescence, though she quit after her disgraceful failure in the US Olympic trials.

After her dreams of being an Olympian were crushed, Penelope conformed to the patterns and customs of her small town life. She married her high school sweetheart, worked as a waitress at her family’s restaurant, and almost considered starting a family.

On a whim and a desperate attempt to escape her now suffocating life, Penny ran away to join the circus– something she imagined only angsty teenagers did in old movies, not housewives in their mid-twenties. Surprisingly, though, she still had the talent and flexibility of her younger self and was able to perform well enough to score her place among the other distinguished acts of the Cirque.

Before joining the Cirque, Penny hadn’t travelled any farther than 20 miles from home. Now, she is overjoyed with her new freedom and takes every opportunity to explore the foreign city’s of The Cirque’s world tour. She collects souvenirs from each new location and her caravan is growing cramped with her findings.

Despite - or perhaps because of - her new freedom, Penny doesn’t plan to stay in the Cirque for long and is waiting for the right location where she can run off into the sunset.

Character Name: Sanni Wirtanen Age: 19 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: cis female, she/her pronouns From: Helsinki, Finland Time in the Cirque: 18 years Faceclaim: Dakota Fanning Act or Job: Shadow Theatre About the Character:

Born and raised in the Cirque de la Nuit by two performers from Finland, Sanni has a great relationship with her parents and no regrets about growing up in the circus.

Has tried her hand on mostly every act the circus has to offer but the only thing she is really good at is the trapeze.

Has been playing the accordion since she was five years old. Her accordion is her most prized possession and her favourite pastime.

Instead of becoming a trapeze artist or playing her accordion for the Cirque, Sanni opted to take over the shadow theatre as she finds it’s not as stressful or demanding. Quite picky with who she lets in on her little puppet troupe, she makes most puppets herself, rarely buying premade ones and refusing most gifts. Her stories, successful more often than not, are always improvised and she never bothers practicing them beforehand or writing them down. She only ever performs when she feels like it though.

Due to her parents insisting she gets a university degree, Sanni spent the last year studying economics in Helsinki. She quickly got fed up with how boring and static a student’s life can be though, which is why she ended up abruptly abandoning her studies at the end of her first year and suddenly returning home to the Cirque.

Character Name: Scout Hallow Age: 25 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: female; she/her From: Los Angeles, California Time in the Cirque: 3 years Faceclaim: Lily Collins Act or Job: Daredevil

About the Character: 

Scout’s mother was obsessed with fame and did everything in her power to get Scout to become the star she never could.

But show business is harsh and Scout’s mother was an alcoholic with a pending drug problem. She managed to get Scout a job as backstage at a local show but Scout was too shy to perform herself.

But Scout’s mother quickly spiraled out of control and disappeared one day, leaving Scout to fend for herself. The people at the show took care of her until the show eventually got shut down. At that point, she became homeless and fell into a bad crowd.

Because of her mother’s influence, Scout has an eating disorder that she has had for most of her life. This is due to the fact that Scout has never felt like she was good enough for her mother, being more interested in “boy things” (as her mother put it.)

She eventually discovered the circus and has been a part of it ever since. She had secretly been doing potentially life-threatening acts, which only fueled her eating disorder more. For her audition, Scout perfected these daredevil acts and that is how she got into the circus in the first place.

Character Name: Alexander Blake Age: 36 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: Male From: Stratford Ontario Canada Time in the Cirque: Twenty-one years Faceclaim: Leonardo DiCaprio Act or Job: Puppet Master  About the Character:

Alexander was born in a theatre town, with parents who were both well renowned stage actors. As such, performing has always been a part of his life, but he always felt like he was stuck in the shadow of his parents growing up, and that nothing he ever did would be good enough .

He took up puppeteering in his teens as a way to try and distinguish himself and set himself apart from his family legacy. He quickly discovered that it was his calling.

He ran away from home at the age of fifteen to join the circus (although he lied and claimed to be older at the time) He craved the adventure and excitement that was offered to him, and wanted to escape the pressures of trying to live up to the expectations everyone in his town had for him.

When the circus first arrives in a new town, Alexander will walk around the streets and listen to the sounds of the children playing. What he hears, he will often incorporate into his shows for the duration of the stay in that town. He also has conversations with the children after the show, and encourages them to come back, because he’ll incorporate those conversations into his show the next day.

Alexander was married to another cirque performer named Isabelle for four years, but she left two and half years ago, when a wealthy businessman came to the circus and took a liking to her.

Character Name: Marcellus Leonard Dyer Age: 26 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: Cis male, he/him From: Baltimore, Maryland Time in the Cirque: 2 years Faceclaim: Bill Skarsgard Act or Job: Tech Crew

About the Character:

Marcellus was the product of a rich, married couple that wasn’t suited to be parents of any kind. He was seen and treated more as an object rather than an actual person. His parents were highly abusive emotionally, mentally and physically. Yet, even then, Marcellus hardly acted out or against the way he was treated.

It became a common thing to see Marcellus as the aggressor for a lot of things. Fights and arguments are something he frequents in, but it’s always for a legitimate reason.  

Marcellus has always had a soft spot for children. The childhood he had gone through was terrible, and he hates the thought of coming across another child that has gone, and might still be going, through a similar lifestyle. The quickest way to anger him is when the well-being of a child is toyed or messed with.

He never really considered himself as a traveling man, but when he heard that Cirque de la Nuit was in town he decided to check it out. His curiosity got the better of him and the promise of traveling became too tempting for him to pass up.

He’s still young, but he’s far more insightful and intuitive than most think. Marcellus certainly enjoys several earthly pleasures, but he takes his job seriously.

Character Name: Silas Nakamura Age: 26 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: Cis male, he/him From: Sapporo, Japan + New York, USA Time in the Cirque: 6 years Faceclaim: Sen Mitsuji Act or Job: Catering (Sous-chef)

About the Character:

Silas never knew his father. His mother raised him on the road, where she worked as the Magician’s Assistant for a traveling circus.

He always wanted to be a Daredevil, and his mother encouraged it. He trained for the stunts from a young age, and picked up skills such as knife-throwing and tightrope walking.

Shortly after he turned 18, his dreams were dashed by an accident. He fell off his motorbike and suffered major injury. Silas lost part of his right leg, as well as any hope of becoming a circus performer. After recovering from the accident, he left his mother’s circus.

19-year-old Silas went to New York. There, he lived from pay check to pay check, and became an expert at feeling bad for himself. The Cirque came to town looking to hire a new catering team. Silas didn’t know why, but he applied. They hired him based on his history with the traveling circus.

Over the years, Silas has worked his way up from kitchen boy, and earned himself a reputation for being callous. He easily comes across as moody, bitter and impatient, but those he is close to know him to be caring, dedicated and observant.

Character Name: Trevor Dewitt Age: 25 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: He/Him From: Sydney, Australia Time in the Cirque: 1 Year Faceclaim: Logan Lerman Act or Job: Tiger Tamer

About the Character:

Trevor is from a rich family, but he never talks about them. It’s speculated that he was disowned, although for some reason he still has a constant flow of money coming towards him. Some think that his family is apart of some crime syndicate. Every time someone asks him about his family, he makes something unrealistic up and leaves it at that.

He is extremely laid back, and almost comes off as lazy. Trevor constantly seems like he’s hiding a lot about himself. He holds himself in way that hints at the danger that lurks behind his kind smile. Still, he would rather sit out a fight than participate in one unless he deems it necessary.

He really loves animals, and makes sure the tigers he works with are always cared for properly. He would never harm the creatures and treats them with respect.

Trevor is pretty quiet. Not because he’s shy or anything, he just doesn’t want to put forth the effort of speaking. When he does speak though, his words are heavily accented and are usually dripping with sarcasm.

He has a claw mark on his right cheek from an accident during one of his earlier shows. Of course, he will proudly place the blame on himself when asked about it.

Character Name: Vicente ‘Vince’ Vega Age: 38 Gender/Preferred Pronouns: Male; he/him From: Cleveland, OH, USA Time in the Cirque: 12 years Faceclaim: Oscar Isaac Act or Job: Clown About the Character:

He joined a relatively small circus group when he was 22 in Lima, Ohio until he was scouted by William White of Cirque de la Nuit in Paris when he was 26. Finding the ringmaster’s offers to be appealing, and with a child he has to support, he then joined the group and has been with them since then.

He was 24 and had been touring with his former circus group in Europe when he met a stunning escort after one of his shows. A relationship sparked between them, though it wasn’t anything serious; merely short-lived trysts, however, it resulted into a pregnancy that he found out weeks after they’ve stopped seeing each other, as he had to leave the town.

To ease his conscience, he’s been sending the woman monthly checks to support her raising the child on her own, and has been doing so for the past 14 years. He’s tried, several times, to meet his daughter, Alyssa, whom he’s only been allowed to see pictures of (she bears a striking resemblance to him more than with her mother, a fact that bears a heavy weight in his chest), but has been denied visits from by the woman.

Vince comes from a wealthy family, an owner of several restaurant chains in Cleveland. He’d earned his Bachelor’s Degree in Business from Kent State University, as his parents had wished for him to continue their legacy. However their plans had been foiled when he, on impulse, decided to join the circus that happened to be in town some time after he’d graduated. He hasn’t spoken to them since.

On the cusp of forty and still gallivanting through cities and multiple partners, he takes the time, every now and then, to reflect on his life. Most days, he’s content with where he is, but he can’t help but feel like he’d missed out on a completely different life offered to him by the opportunities well within his reach. He is tinged with regret, though tries subvert the could-have-beens with the applause he receives.

Character Name: Connie Stuart Age: twenty-one Gender/Preferred Pronouns: she/her & they/them From: troy, new york Time in the Cirque: thirteen months Faceclaim: Natalia Dyer Act or Job: Catering About the Character: 

Ask Connie where she’s from and she will lie. Troy, New York, is not real to her – it never was. She was born in New York City, and she will claim that’s where she grew up, not the tiny suburb where she doodled skylines on her window in expo markers. The city’s lights sparkled and reflected the girl’s own ambitions. It was perfect, but it was just a dream.  

Her mother was her inspiration. While they had left the city to live elsewhere, Mrs. Stuart still went back weekly. She delivered wedding cakes to prominent events, and Connie never wanted to do anything but be like her mother. Days were spent in the kitchen, flour clouds abound, and sugar covering every bare inch of skin and every surface on the counter.

She was admitted to Le Cordon Bleu after . They excelled there; they staged at pâtisseries and boulangeries within the Paris city limits, and it was a dream. It was with a reluctance they moved back stateside, but that had been the agreement they had made with her parents. They could go to school in France and have the tuition paid by them, and then they would come back to work with her mother at the event planning and catering business she ran.

It was miserable being stateside. They hated the lack of control, they hated being under her mother’s thumb. They knew they were more talented than their mother and they rubbed that fact in their face every chance they got. They one-upped, and showed off. Finally, they were told they could leave.

Maybe the circus wasn’t the best decision, but they wanted to rebel. They wanted to prove they knew what was best for them. And it was fun, at the very least. They liked moving around, they liked the freedom they had in helping aid with the menus. It was much more their speed. Though they don’t plan on staying there forever, for now it’s enough for them.

[aldentan]

Why passion isn't just about quitting your job to follow your dream

I decided that for today, I'll talk about passion.

Passion today is, in my humble opinion extremely misguided. There's so much information and noise out there about it by different people. They're saying, nay, shouting:

"Quit your job and follow your heart!"

"Do what you love and you weren't have to work a day in your life!"

And then, we have tons of entrepreneurs who constantly talk about how their passion is to help people...

... and then they slap a ridiculously high price tag on their products or courses, totally disregarding the fact some people absolutely cannot afford them, like telling a single mom taking care of two kids to quit her job to pay them to teach her how to create a passion business.

They then make it worse by advocating so-called values of passion which misleads people into thinking that passion is all about becoming rich, doing what you love every second of your life and becoming the best at it.

Let me just say that all of that is crap.

No, you don't have to cash in on your passion and become rich.

No, you don't have to love every second of your life. Who does that?!

And no, you don't have to the best at it.

You're only human. You're bound to make mistakes. You're bound to feel tired and uninspired at times. You're bound to have really bad days where life just totally sucks.

What is passion really then? Let me break this down for you then. Here's my story:

As you all know, I am a Bboy. For the uninitiated, it's the true term for a breakdancer.

That's my first passion. My second passion is writing. But I am using dance today for this story.

I've been dancing for over 15 years now. I love it so much. I practice up to 12 hours a week and I highly doubt that I will ever stop. Until I turn too old to move, I will not stop. Money, job, kids, marriage, family or whatever will never get in the way.

And you know what?

I am not the best Bboy here. I don't win competitions or anything. In fact, it was only when I hit 30 years old that I really pushed myself to join battles to improve myself.

It also doesn't make me rich. I didn't quit my job to dance full-time.

So... why am I doing it?

Here's 5 perfect reasons why that will explain to you what passion really is all about:

1) It is a feeling no one can take away from you

When my dad died, it made me realize how fragile life was. It's so unpredictable that anything, and I do mean anything can happen.

Truly, anything can come and go as and when they like.

But when I dance? I am creating new movements everyday as I experiment on the dance floor. I am listening to the music and using my body to flow with it.

It's a feeling I know deep down no one in the world can ever take away from me.

That's passion. It's a feeling.

You know, I literally have friends telling me, "Why do you even dance? You're not making money from it" or "You're already 31 and still dancing?! Get serious and grow up!"

They're trying to steal away that feeling because they just do not understand. The same goes for entrepreneurs who are constantly humblebragging about how much they love their work when it's obvious that money is their only aim.

So you want passion? Find something that gives you feeling and guard it well.

2) It is something where you get to create

Express. Create. Experiment. Compose. Write. Sing.

Make. Art.

Passion is simply art. It doesn't matter if  your passion is something obscure like collecting stamps or playing video games.

With the aforementioned feeling, you will be creating at your pace and in your space.

That's art and it's mighty fine thing to have.

For me, I create new movements with my body. Yes, I don't just drill technical moves like spinning on my head. I am exploring and experimenting all the time on the dance floor.

3) It is your identity

To give a little crash course on what is a Bboy (in my opinion), a Bboy is someone who learns the basics and vocabulary of the dance itself and then create their own movements; sets; routines.

No two Bboys, in their minds would look alike. In fact, it is frowned upon to steal someone's else moves. That's call biting.

I personally aim for that. I prefer to create movements that are original rather than learn trendy moves others are doing.

I want others to say, "That's Bboy Alden!" and not "Wow Alden can do that popular move!"

That's identity. Whatever passion you have, make it your identity.

Let others bump into you on the streets and they immediately ask, "Hey! You're still doing that [passion] right?"And then they tell others about it.

Get it? Be known for it. Have that label on you.

4) It's something you want to keep getting better at simply because you love it

I believe passion is something that'd push you to always want to become better; to keep extending your personal mastery.

Why? Because you love it. Because you experienced that single feeling no one else can take away from you. Because you're known for it.

Put them together and they trump the will to want to become the best. I mean, if you do want to get first place, by all means, go ahead. Keep practicing, but don't forget why you're doing it in the first place.

5) It's a lifestyle

I eat, live and breathe Bboying. I always gladly share what it's like to be a Bboy to anyone I meet. Admittedly, I also show off my videos with pride to girls I meet hehe.

I let the dance seep into my everyday life. I use it to educate. I use it to teach new dancers. I have used it to meet other dancers from different countries and cultures. I've made so many friends that way!

I use it because it has made me who I am today. I am the confident and happy person I am today because of the challenges I faced as a Bboy. Going deeper, it's Bboying that has given my life meaning ever since my dad died.

I know no one can take it away from me.

It's my life after all.

That's passion for you. These are the five main important elements.

So do you want passion? Do you feel like you're lacking something meaningful? Do you feel caught in the machine that is society telling you what to do constantly? Are the things you've chased in your life being taken away?

Get passion then.

How? Here's the easiest guide in the world:

. Be interested in many things. I am sure you are interested in many things.

. Go and try all of them out.

. One day, your heart and mind will click. You won't be able to stop thinking about it. You want to do it more. That single feeling comes. You start to love it. You want to be better. You keep doing it. It becomes your identity as others know you for that.

You. Just. Won't. Stop.

So give yourself a chance at the start and be a little patient.

. Ignore what others say. Others are going to tell you that you're too old or too young to try cool things out. Others are going to say that it's a waste of time. Others are going to say it's stupid. Others are going to say that it's not worth it since it won't make you rich.

Blah blah blah.

Let them say it. It's their problem. They're driven by other things and people generally have a lot of negative things to say about things they don't understand or fear.

. Have some god damn fun already. You're allowed to. Life ain't just all about struggling okay?

That's it! I hope this email helps today. I hope it enlightens you.

I really do hope that you get passion in your life and create a new lifestyle for yourself.

And as I mentioned before, it took my dad's death to make me brave enough to do what I love.

You do not have to go through what I did to realize the same thing.

This is Bboy Alden signing out.

Peace.

If you enjoyed this piece on passion and want more, do support me on Patreon right here. It's how I support myself these days and if you pledge to me, I'd be extremely thankful and motivated to write more.

Thanks!

www.Alden-Tan.com

[thailandnights]

Pattaya Girls – In depth look at the girls of Pattaya

With tens of thousands of prostitutes operating within city limits, it’s not hard to understand why Pattaya girls have the reputation they do. Not every girl in Pattaya is in the pay for play scene but it’s not the place you’d go to for meeting a good girl. There are thousands of women who have legitimate jobs in Pattaya, but the problem is that many of them freelance in prostitution as well. If you like the pay for play scene, Pattaya is clearly one of the best places in the world. On any night you can easily find a nice and cute girl and she won’t cost you very much.

Most of the girls in Pattaya are originally from Isaan and tend to have darker skin. Since prostitution is such a huge part of Pattaya’s identity, the working girls aren’t really embarrassed about what they do there. So while bar girls in other cities might dress a bit conservatively during the day or whenever they’re not at the bar, bg’s in Pattaya will dress slutty 24 X 7. They’ll also be affectionate in public, which is basically a no-no anywhere else.

It’s true that most girls come to Pattaya for the money, but it’s not true that they’re forced to do so. A very high percentage of these girls could easily find a job and get by just fine, but they just wouldn’t make anywhere near as much and it wouldn’t be as fun. And a lot of the girls come to Pattaya just as excited as they are anxious. There are very few girls in the city who hate what they do for a living, and if they did nothing is really stopping them from doing something else in a more boring part of the country. Many of them enjoy the lifestyle and it’s stilly to think otherwise. There are plenty of men who have married a bar girl they met in Pattaya thinking that they saved the girl, but we know better. There are also plenty of people who think they’re all victims, and that any man who sees a bg in Pattaya is a predator; that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Somewhere around half of the WG’s have at least one child, and usually their mother takes care of the children in Isan. They can go months and even a year without seeing their babies. Whether the Mother is taking care of a baby or not, most of the girls send their families a piece of their income every month. So if you were wondering why more parents don’t go crazy and put a stop to it when they find out their daughter is headed to Pattaya, now we know why, there is financial incentive for the family not to get on her case about it. There is a small percentage that does get thrown to the wolves out of necessity to make as much money as they can to pay family debts etc. But I’d be surprised if the group with heavy pressure to work as a BG in Pattaya is more than 5%.

Pattaya is also not exactly a hot spot for the financially savvy Thai women. To me it seems like working girls in other cities have more of a propensity to set financial goals and to save their money than the girls in Pattaya. I would that a girl with a legitimate job making 15,000 baht a month will save just as much money as the working girl who makes double or triple. There is sort of an ugly culture behind the scenes of the bars between the bar girls themselves. It’s a “look what I have” and “live for today” attitude between them. They enjoy telling their friends about the nights they’ve made the most money from a guy, and they’ll brag about how they have a “sponsor” paying their way every month. BG’s in Pattaya will lie to foreign men as easily as they breathe and they’re basically taught that there’s nothing wrong with doing this.

For the purposes of this article I will group dancers, bar girls, and full time freelancers into one category of working girls (WG’s). There are obviously many differences between these 3 and if you want more information on it you can check my write-up of the WG types HERE. But for this article regarding Pattaya I will go into other categories of Pattaya girls such as experience, attitude, and career paths. Here is a breakdown of Pattaya Girls.

Types of Pattaya Girls​

Rookie WG 

You can spot the rookies from a mile away and most of them don’t really speak much English. Girls can learn English in Isaan schools, but the schools don’t really press the issue so most only know the most basic words and phrases when they first arrive. If a girl from Isaan decides she wants to be a prostitute, be aware that they have other options, so I think it says something that they specifically choose Pattaya. They could easily work in places closer to home that cater to Thai men or they could work in Bangkok where there are so many other opportunities for them if they ever want to phase out the prostitution. But in choosing Pattaya, the girl is basically ruling out all options other than having sex with foreign men for money. That is what they come for and there’s nothing temporary about it and it’s obvious that no other legitimate opportunities would ever present themselves. Some may think they can meet a boyfriend, but only the very naïve think they’d meet a husband in a city where 90% of them men are there for a week at a time. A rookie isn’t really tainted when she first starts working, but if she’s made the decision to be a BG in Pattaya this was not a good girl to start with. Usually within her first month or so, if she’s decent looking, she’ll make a strong connection with a customer who she will basically fall in love with. Sometimes this leads to a real relationship, but usually it’s short-lived and it becomes a lesson to them about heart ache. They should know better, they should understand that if a man pays them for sex that he doesn’t have intentions of living happily ever after with her. But most of the rookies do experience a relationship early on where they think they’ve met the right man, and obviously most of them are back in the bar shortly after.

Veteran WG

Girls who have been working in the scene in Pattaya usually lie about the length of time they’ve worked by exactly half. So if a girl says she’s been working for 6 months, it’s probably closer to a year. But past 2 or 3 months it wouldn’t matter much, because by then the girls are 100% professional. They can get very into a routine even though they may see a different man every night. Most of them don’t take great care of themselves: they eat like crap, they drink every night, they wake up at 4PM, they put too much makeup on etc. So if someone tells you that Thai girls hit the wall at 29, while its 5-7 years later for girls of most other countries – that’s only true for WG’s. They get a nice little gut going by 27 most of the time and how could they not with the way they take care of themselves. A Thai girl who eats and sleeps regularly and doesn’t drink much will hold up just as well as girls from most other places. Back to the Veterans, these girls usually pick up some tricks of the trade when it comes to pleasing men. That is sexually and in terms of the girlfriend experience (gfe). If you do something for a long time you get good at it and it’s no different here; the veterans get really good at being enjoyable to be with. If they’re not a lot of fun they’d have no regular customers and no sponsors, which would make things more difficult. Some of them are very safe and use condoms every time they’re with a customer, but probably more than 50% aren’t as safe as they should be. They are jaded by the scene and it impacts their work ethic and their family values. The last thing you want to do in life is marry a veteran WG in Pattaya. But, they are a lot of fun to spend time with and not just because they’re good at their job. I’m not quite sure how or why, but most of the veterans are very nice and friendly and they can easily have a good time if you’re somewhat nice and fun. Again, as much as I paint the picture of a girl you want nothing to do with past a weekend, make no mistake about it, these girls are the BEST when it comes to just one night or one weekend. IF they weren’t, Pattaya wouldn’t exist in its current form. But these girls are a lot of fun, so most men turn out to be satisfied customers and even repeat customers. Most of the girls have had at least one serious relationship with a foreigner by the time they’ve been working for a while and most become very jealous and possessive in these relationships. Since they’re really only meeting men who want to pay on the spot for sex, this is really the only mainframe they see in foreign men. So naturally they assume that all men always act like the men who come to a bar or GoGo looking to pay for sex. A girl working in Bangkok might meet other types of men more regularly, but in Pattaya a girl is really only going to get one specific look at foreign men.

In and Out WG 

There are some girls who come to Pattaya for a season or even shorter just to make some quick cash in between semesters at school or more commonly when the farm they work on at home is between crops. These girls are more about business than they are about relationships. In some ways that’s good and I wouldn’t be shocked if a girl like this eventually turned into a decent wife. But in my experience these girls just aren’t as fun as the real Pattaya veterans for the night or for the weekend. The GFE just isn’t there.

Girl With Real Job Who Freelances

 I once knew a pretty girl with a very good job in Pattaya who probably made as much as a lot of the BG’s with her very legitimate day job. She was educated and came from a middle class family that seemed to be a big part of her life. She was also intelligent and classy. When I met her, she just got out of a 2 year relationship with an older European gentleman. She was in no rush to get into another relationship and instead she focused on her career. At the time I realized that this girl was going to require too much work and effort and I just wasn’t up for that. So we parted ways amicably and I didn’t see her again for about 6 months when I spotted her at a nightclub by herself. I was very surprised to see her there, so I didn’t let her see me until I could figure out what was going on. It didn’t take me very long to realize that she was freelancing. I talked to her and took her out of the club to a quieter place and I just asked her some questions. She still had the job and was making even more money than before + her ex moved back to Europe but was still sending her 30,000 baht a month to be his “lay-away girlfriend.” So all in all she was making more than almost any girl in Pattaya without being a prostitute, and yet there she was trying to pick up a customer just to make 2,000 baht. I asked her point blank, “Why?” She rambled on about how she’s lonely and she just doesn’t want to be alone, but essentially her answer was, “Why Not?” It’s just such an accepted part of life in Pattaya and it’s so easy for a pretty girl to meet a customer, even if she’s being picky. Imagine if you could go out to a bar near where you work, meet a fun girl, and she’d pay for all drinks and food and then she’d pay you well to have sex with her. If you could easily do this on any given night and you were single, would you ever consider doing this? So a lady shouldn’t have the same mentality, but in Pattaya girls don’t really act like ladies. There are many girls working legit jobs in Pattaya in malls, offices, hotels, shops, etc. Some of those girls cannot pass up the temptation, and dabble in prostitution from time to time. You just have to be aware of this.

Non-prostitute Looking For Foreign man

 I don’t think Pattaya is a good place for a Thai girl to meet a foreign husband, since the men are usually on vacation and purely looking for sex. To me it makes more sense that Bangkok would be the better place, but that doesn’t stop some women from heading to Pattaya in search of finding Mr. Right. And some of these girls refuse to work as a prostitute. So they’ll work a job in an office, shop, or hotel and they just keep their fingers crossed that they’ll meet Mr. Perfect. There aren’t a lot of women in this category, but I’ve met enough where I thought it’s worth mentioning them. Girls like this can be a catch, but a lot of them are really looking for financial security so you have to be careful about that.

Non-prostitute Good girl 

This isn’t a very large group in Pattaya, but it’s not completely non-existent. There are girls who work in Pattaya or have shops in Pattaya because there is money to be made off of the tourism. Maybe they own a shop or they’re a vendor at a market. Or maybe they work for a big company who sent them to their Pattaya division. These women might have a Thai boyfriend or a Thai husband, but some are single. The women I have met like this never even saw Walking Street despite living in Pattaya for a few months or more. They also weren’t eager to meet or date foreign men so it’s not too easy to get things rolling with them. There are universities in Pattaya but they don’t have large student bases so this isn’t a place where you’d find college girls.

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Article source here: Pattaya Girls – In depth look at the girls of Pattaya

[ferriskilldeer]

from this ask meme

why did they choose their class(es)? their subclass(es)? it was mostly an accident on his part. i wanted a fun weapon, on my part

before they met their party, what was their main goal? avoid being charged for murder, possibly get out of whatever deal with a devil he just made

what is their goal right now? protect ireena and kids, mostly

if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be? probably wish

do they follow a higher power? what are their thoughts on divinity? he’s not too sure what his patron is–couldnt really call them a higher power. doesnt believe too much in the goodness/activeness of divinity, but does read a lot

which party member do they relate to the most? marceline in that he too is exasperated and horrified by barovia. ismark in that he too has built most of his identity around a duty to someone else. ireena is the most like him in personality–she’s pretty mild and caring.

which party member do they understand the least? marceline

what are three songs that suit them? “viego, the ruined king,” “the belt of faith,” and “of the night”

do they care about their appearance? how much effort do they put into presentation? he cares deeply about his appearance–god forbid anyone think him sloppy or careless. though he puts a lot of effort into grooming, he can get distracted sometimes and go for hours without realizing his hair is wild and his suit is dirty. he’s toying with the idea of growing a beard.

how often do they lie? what situations cause them to be dishonest? he doesnt really lie as boldly as the others do to strangers, but has frequently lied to the party about how well he’s slept or the contents of his dreams. he himself is disturbed by and ashamed of having actual needs/problems, and would be beyond embarrassed to be a subject of serious concern. he must be seen as stalwart, cool, and in control.

what skills are they proficient in? why? cleaning, sewing, bookkeeping, and multitasking. skills he trained himself in from a young age to look after his family, and honed in his twenty years as a butler.

have they ever been in love? not really, not a lot of opportunity for it. may have had a crush on a book character or two, and hopes that he could fall in love if he ever had the chance.

what do they dislike about themself? why? he dislikes having ambitions or desires that are anything less than objective and reasonable. he thinks it’s a mindset that leads to overindulgence and burdening others.

what is something they love about themself? he is very proud of his ability to serve in hospitality and his cleaning ability. he knows he’s a little twitchy about cleaning, but is a firm believer in the importance of it

do they trust their party? why or why not? he trusts that their hearts are all more or less in the right place, and that they’ll back each other up. he doesn’t necessarily trust in their judgment or people skills. both of these estimations come from experience

what are their feelings on the people who raised them? he loves his family, but does not like them. he’s secretly very bitter and resentful of the fact that he spent his childhood looking after his willful, irresponsible brother and his absent-minded, geeky parents.

what do they dream about, when their dreams are their own? besides the ominous dreams lately, he dreams of work. endless anxiety dreams about work, and his boss, and his boss’s pigeons, and bugs. in terms of life dreams, he wants one day to be a happily married father of a small family. but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards.

do they see themself as a leader or a follower? follower

what haunts them? what doesn’t? he quit in a very explosive way: he stabbed his boss to death and set all of his boss’s pigeons loose, then walked away. he doesn’t really feel great about it

which of the five senses do they rely the most on? sight, but he’s very sensitive about smells, too

do they follow their head, their heart, or their body? head in most things, but he has a very soft heart.

what is a promise they’ve broken? i guess his job contract

how do they feel about nicknames, titles, or labels that have been given to them? how do they feel about their name? he’s fine with ferris killdeer, but his middle name, phosphorus, is a little embarrassing. he was very flattered to be called “well-dressed fella” by a vallaki guard. his family often called him “ferry” and “phossy”–“phossy” he hates, but “ferry” he would be ok with, if it were someone he liked who said it.

which of the four elements speaks to them the most? if he were asked, he’d say water, because it represents cleanliness to him. but narratively, fire comes up more.

what stories do they like to tell? what stories do they like to hear? he mentions that he used to be a butler, and will make an appeal to authority in re birdkeeping, “i used to look after pigeons for some time–sure they’re filthy birds, like,” but doesn’t get more extravagant than that. he is always happy to lend an ear to someone’s troubling backstory.

who do they miss? his family, at the end of the day. his life with them was frustrating, but at least it was simpler than this one.

how do they mourn? silently and stoically–expressive grief is just asking for attention to him

who would they kill? who would they kill for? he would only kill a fully sentient creature out of a deep sense of betrayal or fear, as in the case of his boss. he would kill to save any one of the party members, but only ireena could tell him to kill someone. he would hesitate if marceline or ismark told him to.

who would they save? who would they be saved by? he would save any of the party members–in order of priority, ireena, marceline, and ismark. he would be saved by any of them too, but marceline would probably help him first if it came to that.

what do they seek out from others? company and conversation

they’re given a blank piece of paper–what do they do with it? fold it carefully and save it

do they seek control, or do they want less of it? he does want control–not in a very power-hungry sense, but he wants to be on top of the situation. hates being on the back foot.

what makes them cry? as of now, there’s probably not a lot that could make him cry. maybe being furiously rebuked by the rest of the party for the things he’s ashamed of (having needs+murdering someone), or maybe soft tears at being told he’s valid

which party member do they go to in a crisis? marceline

which party member do they worry for? ireena

what’s a secret they’ve kept? for marceline, that she’s clearly not a great believer in her god. for himself, that he murdered his boss in his bed.

what is their favorite thing to hold? letter opener

what do they smell like? clean and a little sexy. crisp aldehydes–soft white florals–masculine sandalwood and vetiver

are their hands calloused, soft, or something else entirely? mostly soft, as he wears gloves. some calluses on his fingers from repeated motions done in deep cleaning

do they enjoy poetry? yes, in an aesthete kind of way. too shy to write poetry himself

what are they attracted to in other people? thoughtfulness, self-assurance, and cleverness. people who don’t seek out attention, but aren’t afraid of it either. though he has some grudging attraction to physical beauty regardless of personal values

what are three words they would use to describe themself? orderly, tactful, diligent

why do they fight? because ismark started another fight

what do they need to learn? that he is a person, not a servant

how do they hug people? he would be hugged first. jump at the embrace, then slowly reach around and pat them on the back. in a very emotional moment, he might just cling instead of pat, and put his face close to theirs, or their shoulder. eyes always open.

what do they deprive themself of? opportunities for happiness

when they meet someone, what is the first thing they notice? how they dress, what mood they seem to be in, and how intelligent they might be (which ferris judges based on vocabulary+forthcomingness)

what do they see in their future? hell

what makes them smile? acts of generosity or care, or seeing someone else happy

can they sing? can they dance? both! but a better dancer than singer

what is the most beautiful thing in the world, for them? the feeling of a job well done–for a brief moment, nothing to do but soak in the satisfaction. physically, a well-made home with lots of right angles, or ireena’s smile.

from whom do they seek validation? everyone else in the party–ismark the least.

which is more frightening to them: day or night? night. this is barovia

what was their education like? quite good, but with an overemphasis on entomology 

whose hand do they reach out for? marceline and ireena

what animal do they most relate to? probably a nervous bird that has to have its nest just so

what makes them angry? selfishness, loud noises, and ingratitude

what do they think their role in the party is? what is their role in actuality? he thinks his role is the reasonable, cool-headed one who swoops in when the party needs an honest person to communicate concisely. in actuality, he’s that but also the nervous one who can’t hit an eldritch blast and is desperate to please everyone

what is a quiet passion of theirs? his passion for cleaning and the cleanliness/intelligence of birds is well-known at this point. it seems he also has a passion for protecting children and getting everyone to like him. he’s interested in the humanities.

do they whisper or yell more often? whisper

what kind of flower would they choose to pick from a meadow? he’d sooner leave one than pick one–where would he put it? would he have to carry it all the way back to where he came from? how many bugs have been on this? but if he really had to pick, a small one with pale coloring. nothing flashy or strongly-scented

outside of otherworldly forces, what do they believe in? his life is probably already over

what fight has scared them the most? the siege of the burgomaster’s mansion was up there due to strahd’s theatrics, and the hag due to the horror of finding children’s bones, but probably the wolf fight his first night in barovia. it was his first meeting of strahd and marceline nearly died.

do they value mercy or justice more? whatever keeps the peace best at the moment. he wants to believe mercy, but tends toward justice.

what is holding them back? self-esteem issues

who makes them feel warm? ireena

what makes them laugh? i laugh more than ferris does at the campaign–i think once he might’ve had a quick whoop when marceline won big at a dice game.

what was the best moment of their life? none comes to his mind, which makes him feel a bit sad, but he thinks his life has been somewhat unspectacular. in recent moments, maybe it was dancing with the vistani–the rush of escaping barovia and being safe with his new companions, the smile on ireena’s face–or maybe it was getting into vallaki–despite the kind of creepy stepford smiles, it was a pleasant change of pace from everywhere else so far. but really, it was the moment he set all the pigeons free after he murdered his boss. it was a terrible moment. he felt amazed, triumphant, and liberated for just a split second.

how would they describe their party members? marceline: powerful, and ultimately good-hearted, but a little slimy. complains way too much. ismark: a complete idiot who seems to bully anyone who meets his weird personal standards, but an honorable person. ferris pities him a little. ireena: a wonderful person who doesn’t deserve what’s happening to her.