#people just write any old shit and call it journalism dont they

[muji-milk]

just sat down to relax and my phone is telling me beatrix potter is facing accusations of cultural appropriation BRUH shes been DEAD FOR 80 YEARS

[manchesterau]

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point. 

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore). 

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-' 

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll). 

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑 

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal). 

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end) 

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared. 

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*

[beelieveinfandom]

Convo from the 18+ discord about a very silly star wars crossover I wanted to share.

gremgeous the gem pillar Just had a GREAT idea for a star wars crossover Just dipper visiting the star wars universe for whatever reason (multiverse vacation maybe? Idk. Dipper maybe dusted off that old portal in a fit of nostalgia or smth) and palpatine finds him and tries to tempt alcor to his side by offering him power Standard stuff for the sith really Except Well If you offer a demon unspecified power, in what form are they going to take it if not in the one who is offering's soul? Biggest and best tasting power boost there is, really! And then maybe he takes over the empty shell of a body afterwards which may or may not grant him force acess and alcor has a grand old time making a mess out of running the republic (or at least running lose in the senate) This is like... early prequals or pre-preauals era maybe. When palpafucker is still undercover and being all covert and unsuspicious and stuff I call this.... "palpatines penechance for grand speeches and unspecific ominous statements to try and seem all powerful and cool and dramatic fuck him over" Or in shorter terms ... . "There's a demon lose in the senate" And it basically runs like that one john mullaney bit With a side dashing of that one journak 3 thing where bill posesses a guy, messes with a roman army and then makes a guys head explode Also like nobody knows who alcor is or that hes even there bc theres no demons or dream demons in star wars (that i know of) so he gets the run of the place Even moreso than back home in gravity falls bc no one knows magic, its all "force this" and "force that" Dippered probably spends a lot of time nerding out over the different alien species since they dont have those back in his dimension (theyve got aliens but theyre different kinds) and also about the laser swords (just like the one Grunkle Ford made for them all (Ford, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Soos, Grenda, Candy, Grendas boyfriend, Pacifica, and even waddles and gompers)  back in 2017! Good times, good times.)

swbeeworm oh this sounds like fun

gremgeous the gem pillar Right???

swbeeworm if i was familiar enough with the star wars universe to write anything in it i'd give this a shot

gremgeous the gem pillar right???

swbeeworm like i know star wars?? but i don't know star wars n i have to know something to be confident in writing it

gremgeous the gem pillar Sadly everything i know comes from time travel fixit and semi-salty pro-jedi meta

swbeeworm but just.... the sheer chaotic potential of this...

gremgeous the gem pillar Gosh yes....... Oh its be so good..........

swbeeworm oh mood it would be

gremgeous the gem pillar @Abigor u like star wars too gimme ur thooooughts When ur awake and have them to give

swbeeworm ugh i should. probably not be awake, i have stuff to do tomorrow n i have a headache but this is fun to think about

gremgeous the gem pillar I had another thing thats fun to think abt too Clone wars era, alcors there and everyon thinks hes a brand new sith player b/c gold eyes

swbeeworm just the shenanigans. the bullshittery. the sheer what-le-fuck reactions of everyone from the senate to the jedi to the people ooooooooo

gremgeous the gem pillar YES!!! Exactly.

gremgeous the gem pillar Oooooh jedi can do mind things i wonder what alcor wpuld feel like to them

swbeeworm my first instinctive responses were: 1) constant Screaming and a whirlwind mishmash of colors/concepts/etc that makes everyone who 'looks' too long start bleeding thru the nose/eyes 2) wii music on loop and these are VERY different prompts to have back to back but that's what i got

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDHSGGSHD I LOVE IT Oh what if its both at the same time Ajdhegdhdj what rven is the music like in star wars anyway

swbeeworm the fkin,,,, cantina music

gremgeous the gem pillar Like how would they react when confronted w wii music

swbeeworm is the equivalent i would think

gremgeous the gem pillar Do they even have the same sorts of instruments do they even know what electronic music is

swbeeworm just. that spawned another Thought imagine that the cantina music from That One Scene is the sw-equivalent of the wii music and just.  just imagine that same scene playing but with wii music on loop in the background

gremgeous the gem pillar Gosh "wii music on loop" i love it AODHDHSHSJD

swbeeworm it would probably FIT they have the same vibe

gremgeous the gem pillar Im crying Mits so good

swbeeworm sdjlksdafj i saw a post the other day that was talking abt the music there n how it kept playing on loop n the poster joked that it might have been like,, the john mulaney salt-pepper-diner-story situation which is only tangentially related to this topic but i had to recall it

gremgeous the gem pillar AJSHH i love that Gosh ok i feel like take 1 would fit with the new sith in town scenario And take 2 fits with theres a demon lose in the senate

swbeeworm sfsdkfjh yES

gremgeous the gem pillar But how FUCKING HILARIOUS would it be if in the senate story its the former, and in the oh so serious sith story its the wii music on loop im akdhsjdvsjdhsjbd

swbeeworm ASLDJSLKFJ plEASE take 1: gritty, serious, angst, deadly miscommunications--and fucking wii music on loop take 2: lighthearted, cracky, shenanigans and bullshittery--and fucking bleeding out the eyes if you try n read the guy talk about dissonance

gremgeous the gem pillar "Big scary sith! Look at the yellow eyes! What dastardly plots cpuld he be thinking/partaking in....." [Hard cut to alcor pov/inside alcors head] wii music plays as he stares off into space during a supposedly very important meeting

gremgeous the gem pillar OH I DO LOVE THE DISSONANCE Gsjdgysgsvsjgd wheeze its so good i love it

swbeeworm me tooooo .....for the sith one. would ppl see blue fire n think lightning

gremgeous the gem pillar Theyd probably think its some other secret sith technique

swbeeworm fair enough

gremgeous the gem pillar Everyone thinks one of the other sith lines that was supposedly wiped out had it since this sith deffs aint the line of bane- even the cirrent sith wanna know where alcors popped in from "Lightning was the bane line specialty.... guess where ever this kids guys from fire was theirs"

swbeeworm= adjlsdfkjlfkjf the shenanigans n bullshittery one imagine alcor-as-palpatine just. going incorporeal, still visible but not able to be touched, and the jedi go from "what the fuck is going on"  to "why the fuck is he  a force ghost"

gremgeous the gem pillar AJSGSHSGSHSA

swbeeworm alcor, who'd done it only bc his ~ornate robes~ had got so caught/tangled on something he could only get free by phasing through it: ??????

gremgeous the gem pillar wheeze Alcor: how the fuck did this guy move around in these AJDHSGDH ALCOR NOT KNOWING ABOUT THE SITH- SHOWS UP TO THE SENATE IN THE SITH ROBES

swbeeworm asdlkjsfkjsdfdf

gremgeous the gem pillar CALLS IT A "FASHION STATEMENT" WHEN CALLED OUT ON IT

swbeeworm a fASHION STATEMENT YES alcor: :blobsweats: alcor: what the FUCK is a sith alcor: and why do they have better style than the jedi

gremgeous the gem pillar WHEEZE He doesnt know jack shit abt the jedi or anything hes just vibing!!!!!!

swbeeworm yesssssss

gremgeous the gem pillar AJDGSGGDJS YOU KNOW WHATVWPUKD BE EVEN BETTER ALCOR THINKS THE SITH LOOK IS TACKY AF

swbeeworm alcor: no listen. listen. i picked these space robes out of my space wardrobe because they looked cool, not because i'm part of some. some space cult ljflskdajfslkdfjsd

gremgeous the gem pillar BUT HE STILL THINKS ITS BETTER THAN THE JEDI

swbeeworm that's even better

gremgeous the gem pillar space cult im HOWLING

swbeeworm you KNOW he'd be so excited at being in space this DORK

gremgeous the gem pillar Ph gosh imagine it starts out all dark and serious and angsty and creepy in the whole beginning exchange But as soon as the day after alcor takes up palps role hits it takes a sharp turn into crack terriotry

gremgeous the gem pillar OH HE WOULD

swbeeworm yESSSS

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor takes one look at dooku and is like "youre the only one aroynd here with any sort of fashion sense" "And its HORRIBLE"

swbeeworm sljflskdjfsd

gremgeous the gem pillar Just roasts him And by extension everyone else too

swbeeworm dooku has NO IDEA what's going on but at this point ""palpatine"" or whatever's taken over him is ten minutes into a rant abt the layers on layers of boring robes jedi wear and at this point he'll take the backhanded compliment about his own style

gremgeous the gem pillar Akehdsjfssksgsjd

swbeeworm just to shut him up

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDHDJDGDJDHD Alco goes on a 30 minute rant on why suits are SO much more professional

swbeeworm snaps "palpatine" into a suit and goes "...except maybe for this guy idk if anything could make him look good"

gremgeous the gem pillar And its more of a backhanded insukt than a backhanded compliment but anything to shut the guy up, right?

swbeeworm how much we roasting palpatine here

gremgeous the gem pillar To a blackened crisp

swbeeworm as it should be

gremgeous the gem pillar Its better than his wrinkly old rasin look anyday

swbeeworm lskjdlsakjfdf agreed

gremgeous the gem pillar Be hard NOT to improve on that honestly But the dude sinks so low i bet hed somehow manage it

swbeeworm --alcor getting fed up w palpatine's body and just. showing up to the senate meetings, full alcor, eyes n his normal face n everything, in palpatine's robes, and when someone rightfully asks him who the hell is he, he just deadpans "i'd think by this point you'd recognize your own chancellor" and just straight insists he's palpatine (and has the knowledge to back it up) every time someone sputters

gremgeous the gem pillar Also i included the bit abt the journal 3 thing bc my saga of alcor repeating bill's patterns, behaviors, and ideas unknowlingly and without awareness that that is what he is doing shall continue >:3c

gremgeous the gem pillar AODHAJDBAKWJHEVEJDJDHSHSHSJWOWKJEHEE I LOVE IT OH HOW I LOVE OT ALSOWHSKJDISOSOAJAIW Oh gosh what if he fuckin

swbeeworm because at this point it's less about blending in and more about trolling the whole senate and being as distracting as possible  because with everyone paying attention to his trolling theyre less likely to notice the bills for clone rights n abolishing slavery n such that he's pushing thru in the background misdirection at its finest

gremgeous the gem pillar I was gonna say a thing abt alcor replacing palps b4 the election and so they did elect alcor to chancelorhoood But it might be funnier if he took him over AFTER abd still says that bit abt recognizing their own chancellor Oh gosh in that secind scenario it would be hilarious if the jedi are all  :blobglare: @alcor except for obi-wan who is all like "i am looking away" bc at least THIS guy (whiever the hell he is) has stopped being such a creep abt anakin

swbeeworm the jedi are sent in to figure out wtf is going on and. they, unfortunately, bewilderingly, confirm that this is the same person as the chancellor who'd been showing up recently??? same wii music/bleeding effect??

swbeeworm alcor, finding appointments with some random jedi kid on palpatine's calendar: wtf why is this creep trying to meet with a kid alone, yeah how about i cancel that

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJD Alcor, looking at palpatibes planner: "every day i am more and more glad that i ate thig guys soul" "Like i knew it was oily but im suprised i havent got an upset stomach from it yet"

swbeeworm sjlskdfjsdf alcor the next day, after finding stuff abt the order 66 chip things, gagging: "i spoke too soon"

gremgeous the gem pillar Obi-wan to the council: hmm? Yes this is totally the chancellor, i know this because of all the previous meetings and close relationship he has had with my padawan which you allowed and helped facillitate- "Palpatine":[has a completley different body type, height, and face. Plus he actually has hair and is maybe even floating a little but its hard to be sure in those black and gold robes- and with a completely different voice] oh, yeah, totally, Im the chancellor and i totally know who this guy and that kid is yup yup yup-

gremgeous the gem pillar [UGLY LAUGHTER] AkdjskkdkdjsysAODJSJEUEIEIIEF

swbeeworm ASDKAFDF "palpatine": [grins with very sharp teeth at a nervous senator] council: "okay that is NOT normal" obi-wan, deadpan: "i'm sorry, it sounds like you're discriminating against non-human beings? that's not very jedi of you now is it"

gremgeous the gem pillar ALDHDJDHD Wait wait no what if its "This is completely normal behavior. I, as a human, know this for certain" "I can do this too, but i dont, because it is impolite, but hes the chancellor he can do whatever he wants"

swbeeworm asldksajflksdfjsdf;jsdf yes yes beautiful

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor and obi-wan team up to be passive agressive at everyone who allowed palps and anakin to hang out ABOUT them letting an unsupervised minor chill w a suoer duper old guy Shoulda had a chaperone at LEAST Butalso

swbeeworm the other humans on the council: "uh, actually-" obi-wan: [manages to sip tea (which he shouldn't even have access to in a council meeting btw) with an aggressively polite smile and silent Threat] the other humans: "....um."

gremgeous the gem pillar "Thats not very jedi of you now is it" AODHSJSIDHALSVD IM HOWLING I LOVE IT THE SASS wheeze*

swbeeworm i live for obi-wan sass it gives me LIFE

gremgeous the gem pillar SAME oh its so good Love that one post where obj-wan is on tatooine and calls all the force ghosts to view his powperpoint presentation about how letting palps have acess to analin was a bad idea as hed been saying all along-

swbeeworm u need to know i wrote this with the "that's not very plus ultra of you" meme, which is a bnha offshoot of the "that's not very cash money of you" meme, in my head on repeat

gremgeous the gem pillar Ph him terrorizing all the people palpatine had in his pocket...... Ok this is veering into even MORE crack territory but at some poibt alcor replaces, uh, whats the dudes name, palps second in command - mess something-or-other? - with a nightmare Not just ANY nightmare But a DIFFERENT nightmare each day

swbeeworm ASDLSDFKLDJF PLEASE

gremgeous the gem pillar They took it upon themselves to go on rotation They couldn't decide who should go when alcor proposed the idea so its everyone One at a time They dont even look REMOTELY human Or like anything the galaxy has ever known or seen And theres no "secretive supernatural species" excuse for them to fall back on here lmao

swbeeworm random dude: "what is that???" alcor, cheerful: "that's my assistant" rd: "is that--is that supposed to be a sheep?" alcor: "no they're my assistant" nightmare: [sound that, if you ignore the reverb and microphone-screeching and kazoo effects, might be a "baaa"] alcor: [smiles aggressively wider with sharp teeth] rd: [sweats nervously]

gremgeous the gem pillar ALDJDKSIEJEHAJWJWHEI Obi-wan: i am still l :eyes:king away Anakin: oooh, the wool is so soft master. Come feel it! Obi-wan: really? Ooh youre right The council: ....

swbeeworm rd: "okay but this is a DIFFERENT one than yesterday right?? right???" alcor: "i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about :)" obi-wan, still with tea he should not have, this time with space whiskey mixed in: "sir i think you might be seeing things, they are clearly the same individual as yesterday"

gremgeous the gem pillar Mace: ...hrm it is quite soft- The rest of the council: ??? When did he get-

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDHDHD JUST LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH ALDJDHFJF

swbeeworm obi-wan looking mace dead in the eye and chugging his spiked tea which is more whiskey than tea at this point: "how dare you accuse me of lying.  me, after everything i've done for this council.  i am betrayed.  heartbroken.  never shall trust again.  i am leaving until i recover" -and promptly fucks off on a vacation with anakin

gremgeous the gem pillar The jedi start getting a LOT more missions about busting slave rings and giving aid in the outer rim - plus some more dimplomacy docused ones in regards to solving teeaties instead of putting down rebellions

-alcor shows up on the vacation with zero explanation and obi-wan at this point is like "fuck it why not" -a nightmare takes his place in palpatine's robes in the senate for the week they're gone

gremgeous the gem pillar ALSJSHDJDJSKDHEE Weirdly enough some of the more corrupt senators go missing after that week No one knows what hapoebed to them but the robes the "chancellor" wore that week have some awfully suspicious stains WAIT WAIT WHAT IF ITS NOT A NIGHTMARE WHAT IF ITS GOMPERS alcor didn't even ASK gompers to be there he was planning to not even warn anyone n just vanish but gompers just SHOWED UP the nightmares were the ones who put the robes on him

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor doesn't even KNOW gomoers is there He gets back after the week and is like "what the heck" The nightmares are pretty proud of themselves for that one

swbeeworm the nightmares, collectively: "this is gonna be HILARIOUS" alcor, halfway across the galaxy, sees a newsfeed of a senate meeting with gompers in the robes in his place, and spits his drink clear across the room

he's only mad because he didn't think of it in the first place

gremgeous the gem pillar wheeze Hes proud of them

swbeeworm he IS

gremgeous the gem pillar Its so HILARIOUS

swbeeworm i pity anyone trying to read this mess later but i hope we at least make them laugh once

gremgeous the gem pillar Same Its such a joy Alcor teaches anakin the secret to mabel juice

swbeeworm oh no

gremgeous the gem pillar Only the children thank him The minders.... not so much

swbeeworm alcor: "okay so what i'm hearing is, the adult jedi have been making Stupid Decisions and not paying as much attention to the kids, as evidenced by them letting that one kid have meetings one on one with the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago. so, clearly what needs to happen is something that forces the adults to pay attention to the kids and start keeping a closer eye on them, but it can't be something that actually hurts the kids because then i'd feel bad" alcor: "...." alcor: :blobamused:

gremgeous the gem pillar akdhdjsgshsjhdsjdjdj

swbeeworm alcor in a totally not suspicious trench coat and sunglasses: "hey. hey, kid. you wanna try some mabel juice?"

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDJDLFKFIFJIF WHEEZE "With the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago" ALDJDBDJDJDDHDHDJDJDJDJDJDJDJSJDJEJEJE

gremgeous the gem pillar AKSJSHDJDJF

swbeeworm star wars kids: "mr chancellor why are you wearing that" alcor: "because i think it's funny" kids: "it isn't" alcor: "look do you want the juice or not"

gremgeous the gem pillar I LOVE ALL OF THAT LOOK DO YOU WANT THE JUICE OR NOT

swbeeworm i am having WAY too much fun with this ldjsldkfjdsf;

gremgeous the gem pillar "Were not supposed to take drugs from strangersl" "Its not- just take it!"

Hooooh man thats so funny Oh gosh Alcor uses a different time/date system

Than the star wars one

swbeeworm ooooooo yes

gremgeous the gem pillar Nit super sure where im going with this but.... Pretty sure he woukdnt know the star wars one At all Maybe the in-umuverse knockoff calendar maybe Hes wnough of a nerd to have that memorized But the star wars proper one

No, no i dont think he knows that one

swbeeworm nope no chance

gremgeous the gem pillar Omg yes

gremgeous the gem pillar Well its a good thing we have this..... and the mistaken sith version too :blobamused:

WAIT WAIT QAIT FLASH OF INSPIRATION ALCOR GIVING ANAKIN THE STRANGER DANGER PPT

swbeeworm i have 1 scene i can think of that actually almost made my friend cry and i have 1 au scene of a different au of mine where a character who canonically dies and gets brought back to life...doesn't come back (which is extra angst bc this is a Ghost Seeing Fic) and both of these i wrote at like 3-4am

swbeeworm SDFJKSDLFSJf YES :blobamused:

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor: "you know, i usually save this one for the kids who followed the stranger with the nice candy into the alleyway and end up as sacrifices but I feel like you could benefit from it too"

swbeeworm alcor: "no talking to suspicious ppl" anakin: "except you right?" alcor: "....in any other situation i'd say no but if i say that you're just gonna up and leave (i see that grin thanks very much) so in this one singular personal case it is fine that you trust my very suspicious self"

gremgeous the gem pillar AKSJSJDJJD "My very suspicious self" Aksjdhdd

swbeeworm obi-wan, straight up knocking back shots now: "the man has a point anakin"

gremgeous the gem pillar Haha nice Obi-wan is taking notes Hes also re-inventing alcoholic mabel juice He weaseled the recipie out of the kids

swbeeworm asldfkjsdlkfjd imagine if somehow SIDIOUS CAME BACK and tries to take back over the senate but everyone at this point is used to alcor and one of two things happens: 1) they assume this is alcor messing with them with a clone/double (they don't know how he'd do it but at this point given his "assistants", the goat that somehow made more eloquent speeches than the "human", and the other things involved, they wouldn't put it past him) and just ignore him 2) they look between the real palpatine who'd been pushing thru some very sketchy bills, and between alcor who's been sneaking through law after law protecting all kinds of sentients, and they turn back to palpatine and go "how dare you impersonate the chancellor" and kick him out

swbeeworm at this point he deserves it tbh

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDHFDJDJDJD Ok i preffer him dead and gone and forgotten in favor of alcor (its what he deserves) but oh those are hilarious

swbeeworm agreed to both counts alsdjalsdk

gremgeous the gem pillar ESPECIALLY if the senate chooses to keep alcor over palps XD Ph man we can work that into him being dead and gone too- alcor starts dispersing the power and the other half of the senate w bail and padme are like "yeah seems legit" along w obi-wan The jedi only put like, a token effort into investigating and are more put out by trying to figure out what happened to the real palpatine and all his past shady dealings than exposing the current "palpatine" for a fake

swbeeworm palpatine: "excuse me?? i am the chancellor of this republic" councilmembers, with the same deadpan as alcor's been pulling on them all year: "sir, i think you're confused. this is the chancellor" [points to alcor, in palpatine's robes from his closet, making no attempt to hide his lack of resemblance to palpatine, with a nightmare at his side wearing a small top hat that proclaims its position as "chancellor's assistant"] palpatine: [screams of frustration]

gremgeous the gem pillar Once they reaize the shift in mission assignments can be attributed to new palp

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDJSJSJSBEJSJSJSHSJSKS

swbeeworm yesss this

gremgeous the gem pillar I wanna say maul gets the joy and pleasure of offibg palpatine the second time in that version

swbeeworm FINALLY they get a chance to pull one back over on someone, pass along the suffering a little bit

swbeeworm oh definitely

oh shit we've been at this for an hour

gremgeous the gem pillar Maul comes back and offs palps and evrryone is jist like "Maul!!! How?!?" And completley ignore the palpatibe corpse 2.0 Ajdhhd so we have Niiiight book

Also from a tumblr post the phrase "your pal friendpatine" is hilarious and i think yall shoukd enjoy it too As is "SOMEHOW... MAUL RETURNS" Both taken from the same post lol Okokok so switchibg tracks for a bit Revisiting Some groundwork for the mistaken sith version Alcor is there..... because al-v was there first, made friends with the droid army mid clone war, and caled his dad in to help Which puts alcors initial point of contact as the separost foot soldiers

gremgeous the gem pillar No matter what the dominant language alcor has most recently been using OH OH OH ALCOR WITH ACESS TO OTHER UNIVERSE SLANG CONFUSING ALL THE SENATE WITH HIS NONSENSICAL PHRASES AND IDIOMS AND SLANG/PROFANITY LIKE "over the moon" AND "hot belgian waffles" AND "fuck" "Palpatine": [drops paperwork he JUST spent so much time disorganizing (as in putting in a dissaray)] FUCK Senator: .... sir, what is a 'fuck' "Palpatine": ......... im not explaining that to you Or conversley he makes smth up Alcor, upon realizing the most common swear word is "kriff': yeaht hats stupid im not saying that Alcor mercilessly roasting the star wars profanity And how stupid they all sound. This one is great for the al-v and alcor make friend w a droid army and maybe-sorta steal them while massivelt confusing and mystifying everyone along the way, bc why not add a language barrier on top of all the other assumptions and misunderstandings >:D But also at the same time it would make sense for him to have got thw local language in an infodump somewhere along the line (maybe an older version) if its located in a different galaxy but the same universe........... but also what if theyre just suoer far away so he didnt get priority acess...... or even if he traveled back in time ............. [Shrug] idk Mwanwhile inexplicably having the same language is hilarious in the demon lose in the senate ons but also imagine alcor pretending to be palpatine while unable to speak the common tongue lolol I know it wouldnt work (he has to be able to understand palpatine on some level to take MASSIVE advantage of him and eat his soul) but it is hilarious to think abt the shenanigans............ OH GOSH ALCOR TAKING CONTROL OF THE SENAT BUT BEING UNABLE TO R E A D AKDBSKSKJFF Okokok Imagine the basic/english language inexplicably being the same structure w a few different words and concepts...... when spoken And completley different when written down SO ALCOR CAN SPEAK BUT HE CANT READ Meanwhile in mistaken for a sith land alcor either doesnt have any knowledge of the local language or else gets a SUPER OLD AND POSSIBLE DEAD LANGUAGE in an infodump (to help feed the misunderstandings and rumors and future clashes w the sith and the jedi hehhehheh) bc semi-omniscience is not total omniscience and so is not everything and, once again, is not very helpful But ill leave off for tonight on the thought of alcor, lose in the senate, in the seat of the chancellor, lord of all paperwork for the galactic republic....... and able to read NONE of it And barely understands it too (demons are not ones for politics, Brian the Organ Duck and his 200 year sucessful presidency run aside) (his is soemthing of the exception, not the rule.) Meanwhile all those humanitarian aid bills and the like are all being passed by bail and padmes group all over the place bc their strange and inexplicable source of resistance was devoured like, a week ago Not ones to look a gift horse in ths mouth until AFTER they get what they want the group passes a ton of bills without delay - and manages to break up a few monopolies along the way Now im not saying that "palpatine" suddenly acting off and the bills facing a lot less resistance is a noticeable coincidence...... and around the same time he stops asking after anakin ............... but im totally saying they notice it and realize its probably, absolutely, not a coincidence and theyre not going to say anything bc they like this new "palpatine" better. Despite all the other mindbending weirdness and mindfuckery going on there The jedi are only mad abt alcor bc a few of their own started bleeding from the eyes nose and ears when they tried to investigate initially so theyre a little ticked off abt that, which, fair.

Also the blantant lying and lack of trying on alcors part is a little insulting to them as a whole ("does he think we'll really fall for that") and is slightly concerning to them ("who the heck is this, someone is inpersonating the chancellor of the ENTIRE REPUBLIC-" Which is, admittedly, a little concern worthy)  but if the council is honest (or some of the council anyway) with themselves its pretty much the darn best entertainmnt theyve had in a good long while, headaches aside, sot ehyll focus more on the okd palpatines dissapernace and dealings than the new "palpatine" so long as he doesnt start doing anything ACTIVELY damaging to the republic. A little mischief doesnt technically count as harm- and hey theys preffer to find the og chancellor b4 upsetting and potnetially causing the new one to do smth drastic by attsmpting to out him (not that alcor would, its so much funnier to deny everything to their faces while blatantly lying but they dont know that. So caution (and stress) it is)

[hanabus-a]

end of June journaling

okay shit i accidentally deleted one of my recent posts in here because i forgot how to unreblog something on this hell site.

also hi, happy pride month, i originally wanted to whip up a small fan art photoset of a 70s queer movie and i didnt make it HAH brain is cursed.

i also originally wanted to finish at least one fancomic project or something for this month but HAH brain is cursed.

but anyways.

alot of of my daily, short journaling (just call it diary, dad!) for this month are just so... dark and personal. So im like Nope, time to be vague on a semi public platform!

im just here to complain about my lack of accomplishments. But also it's been a month since the major outbreak in my city and it's been, bad, like majorly shit. My family is safe, a friend gave birth, some friends broke up, i made new friends and I remain depressed.

i would be more emotionally A-Okay if there is any sort of anchor in life to look forward to, I think, sort of decided to blame on the whole pandemic ewehee ruining game tournaments and conferences and game development oh wooopw consumerism the placebo of temporary happiness.

i dont binge books as much as before, i Sort of have a desire to play games again but then after 3-4 hours into yakuza0 just gazing around the red light district and made myself even sad and lonely because i cant go outside is like uhhh yikes, yeah.

i don't know.

im going back to this route where i inherently just feel sad and angry due to the state of the world that it's trite for me to genuinely enjoy something.

anyways, books, writings

somehow i managed to reread some of the old ones and managed to Not cringe at every sentence. In any case, I'm more disappointed of how... easily consumed they are.

i want to keep working at it while people still see me as my old materials, i think, wow im glad i dont make my career as a comedian hahahahahahaHaaha itd suck.

okay bye.

[arthurflecksgirl]

Therapy / Arthus POV

I`m at Doctor Kane`s again and the concrete walls are closing in on me. There is concrete everywhere and I can feel it. Not only the four walls of this room that remind me of another room  but I`m not sure how`s that possible or which room it reminds me of. Its just the window and the lamps. And how tight it gets in here. How small. How small I get. Its also the walls outside. Every wall of every one of those skyscrapers. They`re replacing better things. I guess every single place on which a fucking skyscraper stands upon, there was something beautiful in the past. Maybe a tree or something that represents life and being alive. But those things? They`re dead. And the people inside of them are dead inside because they are feeling the walls closing in on them,too. I can feel the concrete filling their once soft hearts. I can taste the concrete while smoking my cigarette. It`s heavy and its building its walls around me until I compleately dissappear behind them. No one takes a look behind the wall or tries to walk around them. People will think the concrete has always been there. They have forgotten about the trees long ago.

So I´m sitting there between more walls and stairs and elevators that bring you nowhere but here to this room which is filled with piled up files of forgotten patients. There is a poster hanging on another wall. Saying "Its normal to feel trapped". And I wonder how much of this can be coincidence? The walls are talking to me now. They know what I`ve been thinking. Or maybe they even start to recognize me. They have seen so many. And they remember me. Like the guy on the radio, mentioning my name. Maybe things starting to make sense for once. Would be a nice change.

I laugh to myself.

Thoughts are a funny thing even if they aren`t funny. Everything has a funny side to it if you look at it long enough. Thats one of the reasons why I am a comedian.Its so close and true to what you call real life. And I need things to be real sometimes. I need a connection to what is there and there is a joke everywhere you look at. Most are black humor without a doubt. But the joke is still doing it`s job.

"I`ve heard this song on the radio the other day and the guy was singing that his name is Carnival..."

I just have to tell her. I cannot not tell her this. This might be one of the things that will make her listen and think about it. There must be something that changes the look on her face. Something that interrups the boredom and the cruel emptyness of her eyes. Maybe she is the one who isnt really there. Maybe thats why she is barely talking and not noticing things. She`s simply not there. Because if she was, there must be some kind of reaction, right? An acutual emotion, a response. Anything. But there isnt. She`s just an empty shell, nothing means anything to her. Because she might not be real. But I am and I will proof it to her now. She an`t ignore this. If she is real she just can`t ignore this.

"Arthur...." she interrups my talking. Usually I appriciate people calling me by my actual name. Its personal but people barely call me Arthur. I`m Happy and Carnival or not even being called a name. Sometimes at work, yeah but it never sounds like it should. I imagin how my name would sound like if someone who truly loves me would say it. Arthur. With a lovely softness to it. Arthur. A breath bretween kisses.

I hate the way Dr Kane said it. Just the sound of it was asking me to stop explaining to her. And she doesnt even know what I am about to tell her. So I just keep talking, hoping she will react once I finished my sentence.

"...which is crazy. Because that`s my clown name at work." A subtile point into her direction with my hand thats holding the cig. I`m trying to concentrate to explain it to her the best way I can. This is an important moment to me. Hearing that song playing was a sign. There was more to it and I know it. And I want her to know. I want everyone to know.

"And until a little while ago it was like nobody ever saw me...."

Like she doesnt right now. She is sitting right there in front of me and I ask myself which one of us is the non existing part of this room. It has to be one of us. I always thought it was me but turns out I was wrong.

"Even I didnt know if I really existed..." I close my eyes to take a look on the inside and quietly laugh to myself.

I said it. I know I handed her my journal so many times and I was writing about that a lot but she never stopped at those pages. I dont think she is aware of how I felt all my life. They send you here to talk about your feelings, telling you you will feel better afterwards but it really is just talking to myself . And I can do that at home as well. But I want to come here. I actually want to. Because there is this pathetic hope that some day I will tell her something and she will show a reaction or ask me a question that is challenging me. Or she is listening to me answering. I still come here to see if there will be a day that is different from all the others. And - of course- to get my meds.

So now that i told her that I was questioning my very own existence ....what is she about to do? Send me back to Arkham again? Giving me more meds? More hours of talking to myself?

Poeple keep ignoring you and then you are the one who is crazy for being ignored.

"Arthur I`have some bad news for you."

There again. My name. With an even worse tone to it.Bad news huh? Seems like today will not be the day something`s different. She`s not even looking at me now. her eyes are unfocused. Maybe she is thinking of another poster she could hang up. Like the one against drugs. But I have to come here to get my drugs. Like I said. There are jokes everywhere. Even on a concrete wall.

Bad news. So what could it be? I`m crazy. Maybe bad but old news. Wayne is going to be Major. Maybe bad, maybe not. What do I know? But I´m aware of it. Mum tells me ten times a day.  What else could it be? I`m not funny. Real bad. The radio isnt playing any music from now on. Real bad. I`m no one I`m no one I`m no one. Fucking bad.

I look at her. Right in the eyes. She doesnt like that. But if she doesnt do it I will.. Existing or not.

"You dont listen, do you?" I ask her. And her head is moving but her eyes are still empty. Maybe thats all I  get as a reaction.

"I dont think you ever really hear me" I add. I talk slow and quiet. To make my self clear.

"You just ask the same questions every week. How`s your job? Are you having any negative thoughts?"

Why is she asking me to keep up with my journal if she isnt reading it anyway? Maybe she just wants to check if I added some more interesting cut outs of porn magazines.

How`s work? I can tell you how work is. Done. Its fucking done because they fired me. But I won`t tell you. And I won`t tell mum. I will find a way to get some money and you`ll never find out how because you`re never watching me.

“ All I have are negative thoughts”

Some thoughts are funny but that doesnt mean they aren`t negative. Black humor, remember? Black as the heart of Gotham city. Black as the blacked out pages of my torn diary. Black as the creatures of my nightmares, black as their claws around my neck and the ropes around my tiney wrists. Black as nights made of insomnia and pain.

Black, black, black and I get lost in it. Me, the light. getting lost in the dark. I need love to illuminate me.

"....but you won`t listen anyway. I said for my whole life I don`t know if I even existed. But I do. And people are starting to notice".

She takes a breath. Like she is about to answer. Maybe I finally suceeded. She can`t ignore this, right? I never pointed out before how  ignorant she is. I dont hate her. I just wish she would notice how much of a let down it is to come here, hoping to get some help, to have someone to talk to, but all you`ve got is someone who makes you feel even more irrelevant. Maybe she isnt even aware of the pain she is causing. I bet she isnt. She doesnt even know herself. Maybe we have something in common. Drained and worn out by this town, by people, by the world. Life.

Finally she says something.

"They cut our funding. We`re closing down our offices next week."

I exhale the smoke. And with the smoke another fragement of hope is leaving my body.

"This city has cut funding across the board, social services is part of that."

I hear her words and try to understand what that means for me. What the consequences will be. My mind is racing while my face is resting as she says this is the last time we`ll be meeting.

An "Okay" is all that escapes my lips. I try not to show what is going on on the inside. But maybe I should, Maybe I should just get up and rip those fucking posters off the walls. The one with the cage is first.

Cages. Bars. Creaures with cages around their heads. I`m that creature. Trapped inside of my own mind. And I can`t get out. I can`t get out. I need to talk to someone. I need someone to listen. I need someone to look at my drawings and ask me why that guy`s head is a fucking cage?! But she just turns the pages. She turns them like my thoughts are nothing. Like I am nothing.

Now she finally looks at me. her eyes found their focus. "They don`t give a shit about people like you, Arthur."

Thats the sentence she looked at me for? Wow. I smirk. Its the only thing I can do for now. The only reaction to being told what you always  knew. People dont give a shit about people like you, Arthur. She really used my name to tell me this. This is personal. I came here for being suicial. And she tells me people dont give a shit about me. I`m sure I can work on a joke based on that. Based on how much it hurts.

I nodd. Not looking at her anymore. I let that sink in. The sharpness and rawness of the pain. I let it sink inside of my body and let it spread. Am I  having any negative thoughts?

"Fuck!" I whisper to myself, taking the last drag of my cig before I put it into the ashtray. "How?...." my voice cracks.  This is a bad surprise. even to me. I`m always prepared for the worst but this really gets to me. I dont even know why.  The meetings are not satisfying at all and the meds dont seem to do anything.  But I`m doing something! I come here to do something.  Trying to get better. Trying not to give up compleately. Trying to get the help I need, even if I dont get it. I fucking try. So let me try! Don`t take the chance away from me to try. What will happen to me if I dont take my meds anymore? I cant even remember a time without them. Will I go through a withdrawal? Or worse? Seven meds. Things are not looking very good.

"How am I supposed to get my medication now?" I swallow hard before I decide to look her in the eyes again "Who do I talk to?"

I know it was more self talk than anything else but deep inside of me there was this hope that some part of her was listening. I know that now. I was still hoping.

And I am hoping now.

For her to tell me some last words to make me feel better. To let me know that hoping was the right thing to do.

"I`m sorry, Arthur"

I lose it.

I lose it all.

@impulsiveclown @will-you-be-there @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @gwynplaine89 @ajokeformur-ray@damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle  @duhliriouss  @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes  @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie  @check-out-this-joker @darknessisafriend  @arthurhappyclown    @neon-umbrella-for-stella   @call-me-harley-quinn  @arthurjokersgirl

@aarthurfleckk @mylovelycrazyworld @clownalog @ajokerfangirl  @the-one-who-is-chaos @sabrinaeileensnape @raven-romanoff @ivedescoveredheathsjoker

[shadowlux777]

random zombie AU idea for my hero academia

Tell me what would you do for powers and I dont mean things like social standing or political power I mean fantastical wild power.

Super powers those kinds of powers.

Would you do what ever it took would you sacrifice every thing or would you be content with the power you have because shockingly people have far more power then we think and unfortunately not many people think about that because its not always flashy and overwhelming at least that’s how it is here in this quirked society iv found myself in and that part is it’s not far off from the waste land i knew that horrid but hopeful place i gave my life for.

 I’ll tell you one thing i never wanted super powers but i got them in the old life and the fallowed me here to this new body and life.

My name is izuku midoriya and i dont care what i have to do i will save people just like i did then and no one not some fool’s in spandex calling themselves pro’s or some wannabe crime lord or anybody else is going to stop me because the measure of a true her is not how much power they hold but how much of that power they are willing to sacrifice to help others.

______________________________________________________________________________

So just a random AU idea i had about an alternate time line for my hero academia where quirks were brought about by a super-soldier experiment gone wrong that crated super zombies like literal super zombies like they can fly shoot laser and stuff like classic heroes

And in this AU only twenty present of the population could gain quirks thanks to a unique gene they head basically any one who would have been quirkless in the main timeline could get a power here given they survive being bit by a super zombie and exposed to the serum that caused the outbreak.

This words midoriya would gain his quirk after being attacked by an infected when he was around ten and gain his quirk basically the story plays out along the lines of evil tyrant (its overhaul) pops up somehow found enough scientist to make a “cure” that would kill all the infected including the quirked people so midoriya and his band of other quirked individuals (ochako,kirishima,todorki, and tsuyu) and manages to beat him, unfortunately, midoriya dies in the end to make sure the tyrant dies however he then wakes up in our canon timeline in canon midoriyas body with his power and gets up to all kinds of vigilante shenanigans 

As for his quirk

Quirk: acceleration

He can accelerate anything he imparts a special energy into that basically lets him accelerate anything.

say he threw or shot something he can multiply its speed to the physical limit as well lets say he puts his energy into a car the thing would basically get a huge speed boost also electrical lines appear on his skin when he uses it

Now for the personality

Hes not exactly cold but stoic and shy this midoriya has spent a ridiculous amount of time alone and honestly doesn't mind don’t get him wrong he like people but he likes to have his own space and time and he still cant talk to a girl for beans he clams up and just goes silent witch due to his sharper and more force gaze can scare the shit out of people.

Hes as smart as canon izuku but more cunning and willing to be an ass and fight as dirty as possible and as a way to keep his sanity write a journal about all the powers and people hes seen and like to plan. Hes a natural strategist and has helped several settlement fend off bandits and zombies

He also may or may not have an unhealthy obsession with his shotgun’s being his primary weapon try and touch without his permission he gonna kick an ass mostly the person who touched it.

And i just like they idea of him using his quirk to accelerate the shots up so much that they turn zombies into mist

He has a sawed off double barrel and a pump action though when he gets to the canon world and inevitably find his way to U.A. he get himself a futuristic shotgun (think Rufus's gun from the final fantasy 7 remake)

[the-angry-pixie]

Just a buttload of questions

I was tagged by the lovely @jessiohhh. Thank you chickadee. Took me forever to finish, but I got there. :D 

Apparently this is to help you get to know your tumblr peeps better. 

Gonna put most of these under a cut to save y’alls dashes.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? I guess if I had to choose it would be black. I don’t know why. A good black ballpoint is a lovely thing to have.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? Depends what stage of my life I am in. I want to retire to the country but otherwise wanna live in the city.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? To sew and make clothes. Gosh how different my life (and my wardrobe) would be if I could fix clothes, alter clothes, MAKE clothes. I want this skill so much!

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Don’t drink coffee. My tea has half a sugar. I worked my way all the way down from two sugars and I’m proud. :)

5. What was your favourite book as a child? My Dad used to read me Enid Blyton books when I was little. My favourite series was probably The Naughtiest Girl in the School series.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Definitely showers. I want to like baths, but whenever I take one I just feel sweaty and gross.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? A fairy. I’ve been obsessed with fairies since I was little.

8. Paper or electronic books? Probably electronic books. Easier to read and travel. 

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Gosh I don’t know. I literally sat here thinking about it for a couple of minutes and I can’t pick a favourite. I guess by default it falls to the item that I wear the MOST which would be my black combat boots. I wear them almost constantly.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? Nah I tend to think Laura is a bit boring. I like my middle name Eileen though.

11. Who is a mentor to you? I’m kind of without one at the moment. Thats just the situation my current life is in right now. 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? I would like to be “Author Famous”. Like have soooooo much money, and dedicated fans who like my work. But nobody recognises me in the street. 

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Yes.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? No, not in the conventional sense.

15. Which element best represents you? I wish I was earth but I would say probably water. Can be dangerous or calm. Flexible. 

16. Who do you want to be closer to? Hmmm I feel bad that I’m not closer to my godson. But ya see, he’s an annoying lil shit. At least the stage he’s going through right now is really obnoxious. So spending time with him is just... not fun.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? All my Canada friends.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I’ve talked about early childhood memories on here a lot. I don’t want to repeat a story so lemme think a moment..... I remember being obsessed with pressing buttons when I was younger. I mean, most kids are. But you see my family lived on a dairy farm, and in the dairy where we milked the cows and stored the milk there was like... a WALL OF BUTTONS. And levers, and switches and other doo-dads. And like... I just wanted to press them all. But I wasn’t allowed. Obviously. Only at certain times during the day would my father call me over and lift me up so I could press one particular button. So yeah, I remember that. “Helping” my Dad in the dairy and being excited whenever I got to press the buttons. I never even got old enough to learn what the buttons did before we moved off our farm. :(

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Hmmm, probably escargot. Snails. They were delicious.

20. What are you most thankful for? My newborn nephew.

21. Do you like spicy food? Yes. But spicy food does not like me.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? Yeah last year I was working on a feature film that had a Disney starlet working on it.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? No way. Too hard. The only time I keep journals is for really important stuff that needs documentation. Like a medical journal when I’m sick. Or an anxiety journal when my GAD gets real bad.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? Pen I guess.

25. What is your star sign? Libra

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Bit of both. If you can get a mouthful with both then thats like... bliss.

27. What would you want your legacy to be? Do I need to want it to be anything? Cause I don’t. Like I don’t really care all that much. Maybe I will later in life.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I dont think its accurate to say I like reading when I literally never do it anymore. Except for fanfic. I listen to audiobooks a bit. I just finished listening to The Stand by Stephen King.

29. How do you show someone you love them? Cuddles, I’m a cuddler.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yes.

31. What are you afraid of? Wasted potential and never really getting where I want to get.

32. What is your favourite scent? That smell after a sun shower. Everything is wet and the sun is making it evaporate into the atmosphere. Love that smell.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? Not to be cheeky but like, context is a thing. Depends on the context.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? Not terribly different. I would still work. I guess I would travel a lot more. Since that is something that I would love to do but can’t because I don’t have the funds.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Theyre both the same level of scary to me. Yes, I suffer from an irrational fear of pool sharks. So I guess I would go ocean because at least with the ocean you have the surf waves to make it fun.

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? Look around to see if someone had dropped it, then if there was no one, pocket it.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Yes. Last time I went camping there was a meteor shower. Wait, do they count as shooting stars? If not then no.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? Compassion.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I want to get a bunch of babies-breath flowers tattooed in the middle of my back. Its so specific because I plan my tattoos for a long time before I get them.

40. What can you hear now? The fish tank filter at my brothers house.

41. Where do you feel the safest? In my bedroom. In my bed. Laptop and phone and kitty nearby.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My fear of relationships and emotional intimacy.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? I honestly don’t know. There are a lot of cool places (but like, usually only if youre in the upperclass). Ancient Greece maybe? Jane Austen era? Woodstock? I can’t decide.

44. What is your most used emoji? This lil dude. 🙃 I prefer it to the regular smiley face.

45. Describe yourself using one word. eclectic

46. What do you regret the most? Not having my mental health issues diagnosed at an earlier age.

47. Last movie you saw? In the cinemas? A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood back in January (actually got my wallet out and looked at my ticket stubs). Just in general - I watched The Florida Project last night with my bro.

48. Last tv show you watched? My Little Pony. Been watching episodes to help me fall asleep.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Derp-a-derp. My bro and I have been saying that over the last few days when we can’t remember the word we are trying to say. Like “go get me the derp-a-derp” or “what was I saying about the derp-a-derp”. Its a good placeholder.

-----

Annnnnd imma taaaaaaag.... like I said, this is a long one so no pressure (it took me like a week to get through all the questions).... anyway I tag @hichie, @thepragmaticrebel, @heavensdick and @serendipitous-magic.

[tardigraded20]

Witchy Questions

1. Are you solitary or in a coven? -solitary, you think i have time for humans? 2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other? -Idk someone who said fuck other religions and said revive the old gods 3. What is your zodiac sign? -Gemini 4. Do you have a Patron God/dess? -I don’t, but I am open to it 5. Do you work with a Pantheon? -No, but I am looking into the norse pantheon  6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or any other kind of divination? -tarot and rune stones 7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any) -bergamont and I use incense 8. How would you define your craft? -idk i diy religion  9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do? -No, i haven't tried but I would if i was motivated for it 10. How long have you been practicing? -5 years? I guess? I don’t count 11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars? -lmao i wish 12. Do you believe in Karma or Reincarnation? -Karma yes, I am not sure about reincarnation 13. Do you have a magical name? -how do you find that? 14. Are you “out of the broom closet”? -Yeah, but im not sure how much my dad thinks im serious   15. What was the last spell you performed? -A positivity jar  16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable? -about mythology yes but actual witchcraft? Kinda.  17. Do you write your own spells? -im not that original lol  18. Do you have a book of shadows? If so, how is it written and/or set up? -I do but its kinda just a book i occasionally write in  19. Do you worship nature? -somewhat, but its not a focus  20. What is your favorite gemstone? -umbalite and labradorite 21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work? -feathers and naturally fell from a bird  22. Do you have an altar? -yes 23. What is your preferred element? -fire 24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist? -no 25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch? -idk  26. What got you interested in witchcraft? -lmao percy jackson 27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch? -no 28. Have you ever used Ouija? -Yup, at school in the hallway  29. Do you consider yourself a psychic? -pfft no 30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it? -no, but I am looking into it 31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started? -Not everything is black and white, you can do your own thing 32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite? -Yeah, although mildly. My favorite is Samhain 33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children? -yes but i would never force it on them 34. Do you meditate? -I try too but not often    35. What is your favorite season? -autumn 36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform? -Nature based magic 37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life? -Appreciate nature  38. What is your favorite witchy movie? -Kiki's Delivery Service 39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why? -The Raven Boys because it is fucking amazing 40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not. -some shitty rain spell from a childs book 41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you? -when i was in Senior Kindergarten I saw a “fairy” 42. What is your favorite type of candle to use? -beesewax 43. What is your favorite witchy tool? -candles 44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools? -I use a rock to grind shit because i dont have a pestle and mortar  45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fae or spirits? -I want to try working with fae but I need to learn more 46. Do you practice color magic? -yes, a bit 47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind? -No, I think? I have older online witchy people I talk to but no mentor 48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies? -In person, but somethings you can only get online 49. Do you believe in predestination or fate? -I guess? I think that life has a story that gives you options and a new story starts on what you choose, kinda like an RPG 50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice? -Read into it and appreciate it more 51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences? -yes, at my grandmas funeral     52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve? -”I CAn PrAcTiCe CLoSEd ReligIoNs If i aM rEsPeCtFul” 53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent? -bergamont    54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind? -no but I should 55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster? -spilling wax on myself    56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success? -not burning the house down    57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about? -chanting shit in my room    58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too? -yup    59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work? -of course, its dealing with things that dont have 100% safety measures    60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain? -lmao I one day want to be a teacher but I never feel knowledgeable enough for that     61. What is something witch related that you want right now? -my own pestle and mortar    62. What is your rune of choice? - Hagalaz   63. What is your tarot card of choice? -the empress    64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite? -Lemongrass 65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses? -no   66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public? -Yup, I have a cheap ass pentagram necklace    67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch? 68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines? -no because I am poor and where would I find one?    69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft? -yes 70. What are your favorite things about being a witch? -those scared looks that karens give you, even though you are eating cupcakes and smiling    71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch? -the amount of people who keep on trying to make you christian      72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band? -heatherdale    73. Do you celebrate the sabbats? If so, how? -yes, by lighting candles and making tea 74. Do you ever work skyclad? -I want to be but nooo 75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how? -makes me happier 76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice? -other witches and what makes me happy 77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc) -The fae yes, but like celtic like ones 78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol? -I have none    79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not? -No, because I am not ready for it   80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice? -Hahahaha no, if you dont respect my religion I dont have time for you    81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow? -meditation and divination     82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice? -beesewax 83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it? -have a bath 84. What real life witch most inspires your practice? @spellchased 85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity? -meditation and a yes-no pendulum 86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients? -in jars and by aesthetics    87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of? -my mom is interested in druidry but doesn't call herself one    88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it? -I dont know? I just did what felt right.    89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they? -No    90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven? -with closed practices you need to be initiated, but with open religions thats not the case 91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought? -incense tray and incense    92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been? -The Hagia Sophia in Istanbul     93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities? -Read. Just read a lot.    94. What techniques do you use to 'get in the zone’ for meditation? -Silence and deep breathing 95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it? -I need to practice it     96. Do you prefer day or night? Why? -night because i dont sleep 97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work? -My best time is the full moon at midnight  98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly? -It was okay, nothing special     99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice? -old practices become easy, but you learn more complicated things 100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces? 101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy? -I eat cheese, eggs and fish 102. What is your favorite color and why?  -purple, blue and yellow because its pretty 103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond? -why dont you respect Jesus? Because he did nothing for me Susan.  104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest? -sight 105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice? -Karma, I keep on doing shitty things 

@prettyalice13

[theboardwalkbody]

That’s me (in my nursing cap because it’s my most recent photo and capping ceremony was cancelled so I took pics in my house to send to nursing school buddies instead): Amanda - meme - Manda 28 NJ Tired AF And bored so I am answering this Ask Meme I found by @myautisticjournal​

What music have you discovered or listened to lately?

I’ve been listening to my Recently Added playlist on iTunes. Only “recently added” has been adjusted to include the last 28 months. lol But I did discover Blinding Lights by The Weeknd and that song’s been making me happy. Hurricane (Reimagined) by I Prevail has hit me in the Depress and next week The Used’s new album comes out so I’m waiting for that.

Have you made any new playlists since quarantine times? If they’re on Spotify, maybe drop a link?

I haven’t made any Quarantine Playlists because ALL my music is about being isolated and depressed anyway that like... what’s the difference? 

Make a three-song-minimum playlist of songs that make you happy!

Blinding Lights // The Weeknd (also makes me think of Data because I discovered it around the same time I started watching TNG so now they Go Together) Paradise Lost // The Used Dance Monkey // Tones and I

What’s your go-to show that you like to binge watch? Why do you like that show?

Currently its Star Trek TNG - because Data And One Day at a Time because that shit hits real. 

Are there any shows that you‘ve been planning to start watching? Why do they interest you?

It was just Star Trek and I did start watching. Interested because I wanted originally to watch ST Picard because Harry Treadaway but having never seen any ST before it didnt make sense (obvs) so I went back and started watching TNG. I didn’t want to start with the original series because honestly my attention span is garbage and I just was always curious about Data and so I started with him.

What movie(s) always comforts you?

Twister, Forrest Gump, The Lion King (1994). I’m currently wearing Lion King pjs lol. Pirate Radio is a relaxing feel good movie, too. 

Are you an arts-and-crafts person? If so, what types of art/craft do you enjoy?

I try SO HARD to be lol. So far during quarantine I’ve tried crochet, I’ve tried making string bracelets as if it was 2005 and I was in 8th grade again but I forgot how to make them and my brain refuses to re-learn its too full of music, nursing school, and data now. I tried coloring and lost patience. I have been working on a Quarantine Photo-Journal. Every day I post a tiny update and a few pictures (mostly memes since i cant leave the house and several Data photos lolololol) but my printer isn’t working right all of a sudden so I can’t print out any new pictures which I guess that one project I was really enjoying is out the window.

Do you have any planned projects to work on during self-isolation? If you’ve started any and you’re willing, share a photo of what you’re working on!

Here’s a pic of page like 3 or something lol

If you had to recommend an art or craft for people to get into, what would you recommend and why?

Man. Just do what makes you happy. I saw someone on TikTok making GIANT ass Worms on Strings and honestly. Pure genius. 

What are your favorite YouTube channels? Why do you like them?

Achievement Hunter. Rooster Teeth. Markiplier. They make the funny. Various ASMR channels. They make the sleep.

What is the weirdest YouTube video you’ve ever watched?

Conspiracy Theory videos probably. I don’t really know. 

Recommend a book or book series to read!

Across the Universe trilogy by Beth Revis read it and fangirl with me I am so alone.

Are there any books that you’ve read multiple times? If you could re-read a book that you loved as if it were the very first time, what book would you choose?

The Islander by Cynthia Rylant. I don’t know why but the first time I read it it just transported me into the middle of it and it was amazing (I was like 11) and it was so mysterious and everything. I’d like to read that one like the first time. Also Living Hell by Catherine Jinks did a similar thing 

What’s your favorite book genre? Why do you enjoy it?

Science Fiction. Because I like science. and Fiction and space and robots and things. 

If you were to write a fanfiction about your own life, how would it go?

LOL The tags would be like : #depression #anxiety #ptsd #childhood abuse #adulthood abuse #i miss having sex but at least i dont wanna die #except i still do #twsuicideideation #badluck #dontread lol

What’s the best fanfiction that you’ve ever read (or the top three if you can’t choose just one )? What about it made an impression on you?

My brain hurts too much to pick a top three but I will say I am currently reading May I by @ladyfogg​ and it’s been giving me the squishy feels and I am loving it and ya’ll should read it. Her OC is relatable and also inspiring and I think at this point I don’t need to mention Data anymore. (But I did). 

Do you listen to podcasts? What kind of podcasts do you listen to?

Off Topic podcast and used to listen to RT podcast when Burnie was still on. IDK what kind of podcast that is other than ‘usually wild’ 

If you could make your own podcast, what would it be about and who would you invite to make a guest appearance?

It would be about anything and everything. I’d invite anyone for an appearance lol

Are you addicted to Animal Crossing: New Horizons? If yes, what’s your favorite thing about it so far?

Yes. My favorite thing has to be CUBE. CUBE I LOVE CUBE. I WOULD DIE FOR CUBE.

If you had to recommend ONE video game, what would it be and why?

Cube. I mean, Animal Crossing. 

Have you tried any new recipes lately? If yes (and if they were good), share it with the class! I’m sure everyone is as bored with the same old foods as I am by this point.

I am too lazy to cook even when I want to so I always end up getting take out or delivery. 

What is your favorite website to waste time on? (Is it, perhaps, tumblr?)

Tumbebells. (Tumblr yes)

How are you finding ways to stay connected with your friends and family? From video calling to playing online games, what would you say has worked the best for you?

Nothing. I’m sitting here wallowing in deep loneliness and it’s killing me. It’s just my grandma and my cat and that’s why I can’t go out or work (I am a Patient Care Associate and I know the hospitals could use help but my grandma is 83 years old and it’s too high of a risk for her for me to be working in a hospital and coming home from there). 

If you have pets, first of all share some photos! Second, how have you been spending your time with them?

LOLA. L-O-L-A LOLA. LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LOLA She doesn’t leave me alone. Her new trick has been LAUNCHING her 7lb body on to my back while I’m standing and pretending she’s my goddamn backpack. And earlier today she decided to pull the socks out of my sock drawer. Because she loves me. 

Share your general quarantine experience so far. How are you handling it?

Bad. I often forget to take my meds, we’ve been on “spring break” from nursing school this week so I have 0 sense of time and no routine and I’ve sometimes been going to bed at 4am, sometimes 4pm, sleeping until like 9-11 regardless and I spend 95% of the day in bed. I can’t be bothered to change, sometimes can’t be bothered to really eat, and I care 0% about showering and Doing Anything. lol 

I mean it’s been great guys. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba I’m lovin’ it!

I did somehow loose 2lbs without trying tho. That’s a total of 7.8lbs lost since March. Only 125 more to go BUT THE GYM IS CLOSED AND IT HAS BEEN COLD AND RAINING.

I’ll shut up.

I tag @lyrslair​, @ladyfogg​ @datalaur​ and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it even tho its really long and I fucked up the layout so instead of 25 questions they’re ALL NUMBER 1. lol 

[imbumkyung]

I Saw It In A Movie One Time (ch.4) - Acting

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

Warnings: none!

“Well the good news is, the cast should only be on for about a month, and you can go back to regular activities within eight weeks,” the blonde, golden eyed doctor advised.

The room you were sat in was glum. You remember it this exact way from the movie. Dr. Cullen’s hair swept back with a white coat on, eyes focused on the document in front of him being held by a clip board. We was writing things down, probably prescribing her some medications or as her friends liked to call it— hardcore drugs.

Kai reminisced that comedy segment that John Mulaney did about lying to his doctor for Xanax. She considered the same trick on Dr. Cullen, but feared that he would deny her since marijuana and other drugs were still taboo in 2007. Still, her mouth ran faster than she could process.

“Hey uh, sometimes I get nervous on airplanes,” she stated

God. I have to blame my ADHD on that one.

“Ah,” he nodded, “well I hope you won’t be going on any airplanes anytime soon then,” Dr. Cullen replied with a smile

Dammit. No Xanax for me then.

He finished writing but not without leaving a signature at the bottom of the page and sending me off with a smile. As she was leaving the room, she happened up bump straight into the hardest and coldest figure she’d ever felt.

“Sh— sorry man,” she apologized. She looked up for a split second and instantly regretted when she did

Edward

His eyes narrowed, making her feel smaller, “I remember you,” he stated

She said nothing, but ducked her head and rushed away as fast as she could. Her sense of accomplishment for getting away was cut short by a cold hand wrapped around her upper right arm. At this, she tensed and gave him a cold look.

“It’s not nice to grab people,” she spat

“How do you know who I am?” He asked gently

“The last time someone asked me that I got this,” she raised the cast on her left forearm. Unknowlingly revealing she knew about Victoria as well. The sound of her screaming in pain and the events of Victoria effortlessly snapping her arm played in her head.

“Besides,” she shrugged her arm from his grasp, “I’ll be out if your way soon”

Unwillingly, she remembered the time she tried to kill herself back to go back to her normal life and the next image that flashed in her head was her driving at over 100mph, then closing her eyes and sealing her fate. It wasn’t a set-in-stone kind of plan, but it was an idea that came up on the spot.

Edward cringed, “that— that’s not neccessary,”

“What’s not neccessar— oh. Stay out of my head please,” she remembered, he can hear her thoughts, but she wasn’t aware that any form of imagery would translate for him.

“You know I can read your thoughts,” he stated.

“Look, I’d love to explain everything, but I really gotta go. My mom needs me home to uh...” she paused, scrambling in her head for an excuse “take care of my brother— Don’t speak to me if you ever run into me again. Please,” she walked out of the hospital as fast as she could, deciding she didn’t need any of the medication. She just needed to get away.

-

Needless to say, Kai was stressed. Stressed that she’s attracted so much attention from the characters. Stressed that said characters had even seen her. It put her in danger. Victoria even knows about her now, and now that another human besides Bella knows of their existence— it’s a crime to the bloodsuckers.

Upon realizing this, Kaileia’s eyes widened.

Her knowledge of them had been exposed to two vampires. Theres no one to protect her from this— Bella’s safety was secured because Edward was her mate. Kai had no one. She’d avoided becoming friends with anybody at all in fear that any connection would lead her to the vampires or the wolves.

Slamming open the door to her bedroom, she scrambled for the journal she bought months back. It had been weeks since she last documented her experiences, but after today, it was time for an update

“Victoria caught me today and broke my arm bro. At least it was my shitty arm. I havent had an actual conversation with anyone besides Jeremy who interviewed me for the job I have now. Carlisle fixed my arm as if theres no other god damn doctors in forks dAMMIT MEYER. Then edward radiated some REAL Serial killer energy today like hOLY SHIT he can read my thoughts. I just wanna go back to where my only problem was my mom. She wasnt even that much of a problem tho tbh. But its Not like blood sucking vampires and their werewolf enemies. Kendrick Lamar isnt even famous yet. No one knows who Chance the Rapper is. Everyones obsessed with the pussycat dolls and I dont even think they know about Chris Brown beating up Rihanna. At this point, I’ve definitely missed the area 51 raid and I’m disappointed.

Not gonna lie tho, I’ve been running from it all this time and it’s worked until now. I was faced with just the greatest danger ever and now I’m getting sucked in. I’m really hoping I never have to mean anything to them. I’m also wondering what happens after it’s all over? I don’t want to write what it is here, because if someone finds this I don’t want to change the future, but after that last chapter, where do I go? I can’t live here forever. I have my own life.

I wonder if my dogs miss me. If anyones feeding them the right amount, walking them twice a day. Do my parents know I’m gone? Its been over half a year and I’m still here”

Her hand started cramping and she shut her book, flinging her pen across the opposite side of the room, thought instantly regretting it because she may think of other ideas to write down. Kai lay flat on her bed, letting go of any control she had over her muscles and stared at the ceiling. Things were starting to get a lot more intense. It had her shaken that she might have to be involved in order to stay safe.

There was no evidence supporting her theory, but Kai believed in order to go back to her old life, she cannot die by the hands of another person.

(Fourth wall break)Yes, it’s a plot hole. Smeyer had a lot of those too and I’m writing this impulsively. Give me a break

-

Edward pushed open Carlisle’s office door with force, “She knows,” he stated urgently, his expression stoic but panicked.

Carlisle furrowed his brows, “who?”

“That patient you just had,” Edward said, pointing back to the door behind him with his thumb, “She knows about us. I was in her head. Victoria broke her arm,” He rushed, taking a step toward Carlisle with wide eyes.

Carlisle’s eyes widened as well, “She’s in danger,” he stated

“We have to protect her,” Edward stated, “if Victoria kills her, the treaty is compromised,” He concluded, alluding to the treaty they had with the wolves.

Carlisle paused, trying to collect his thoughts, “I think this calls for a house meeting, actually,” he suggested, now standing with his arms to his side, “I can tell this concerns you, Edward.”

“I don’t want a fight with the wolves,” Edward explained, “Jacob was here for Bella while I was in Italy. He’s the one who told me she was dead,” he paused, Carlisle listening intently to his son, “I know if we fight, he’ll come for me first. And I can’t hurt Bella like that.”

Carlisle nodded, “We’ll let the rest of them know,” he said, referring to his family, “I think it’s best if the wolves know to protect her as well,” he suggested

“She doesn’t want to be involved,” Edward said, “it was the last thing she wanted. I don’t want to drag her into this life as well.” Edward was still beating himself up for bringing Bella into his world. Weather she wanted to be in it or not, he still wanted her to keep a normal human life. And if a normal human life is what Kai wanted, then damn it, he was going to let her have it

-

“So theres another human?” Rosalie seethed

“It’s not her fault—” Carlisle interjected

“It’s not her fault? Not her fault that she found out about us? How could she figure it out without dedicating so much time into figuring us out?” She accused the girl they didn’t know about. She knew Bella only found out because of the loads of research she did.

“She didn’t,” Edward defended, taking a step closer, “I don’t know how she knows, but she does. She doesn’t even want to be involved in this life,” he said gently, keeping eye contact with Rosalie

“So what do we do?” Esme asked, “If the Volturi find out she knows about our kind, they have no one to accuse except us. We’re the only coven in Washington.” She said softly

Everyone was staring hard at the ground, trying to grant Kai’s wish of not becoming involved, all the while knowing that the only real way to protect her was to stay with her at all times.

“She at least needs to know the that Victoria won’t stop,” Alice said, “she knows the Volturi would either blame her or us for exposing our kind.”

Carlisle pressed his lips in a tight line, “I’m sure she knows.” He sighed. Everyone shared quick glances before staring back to the floor in concentration, desperately trying to come up with a solution.

“She’ll need to get out of Forks,” Alice concluded, “Victoria is only here for Bella, I don’t think she’ll go for the girl until after her plan for Bella.” Alice believed Victoria was really only hungry for revenge, and this unknown girl wouldn’t be in danger until Victoria got what she wanted with her. However, Alice had no doubts that Victoria would be defeated before even having the chance to get to the girl.

“What’s her name?” Esme asked, “so we don’t have to keep calling her “the girl””

Edward shrugged, “I don’t know, actually.” He described her instead, “she’s short, black hair, tan skin and freckles” he recalled.

Carlisle nodded, the same description in his mind

Alice froze, and stared off into the distance, “It’s Victoria.”

Everyone stood alert. Alice was having a vision.

“What? What about her?” Jasper asked, his eyes not leaving hers.

“She’s in La Push” Alice sat, her eyes unmoving. Jasper handed her a pen as she sketched a store on one half of the paper writing “Minnie’s Stop” above it. Within a second, she moved her hand to the right, sketching out a house at the corner of a row of houses reading “Hilltop Rd”.

Edward’s brows knitted and shook his head slowly, “That’s not Bella’s street.”

“It has to be hers,” Esme said

Alice looked ahead incredulously, “she’s not going for Bella.” Alice snapped out of her vision, “If she was going for Bella, I would have seen something familiar.” This proved their theory wrong. She spared some time before getting to Bella. Why did she prioritize catching the unknown girl over avenging her mate?

The Cullens shared silent glances, knowing all too well that Victoria was hunting down the girl.

“She goes to La Push. We have to inform Sam.” Carlisle said sternly. He turned to Edward, “I understand you want to protect her from this world, but we can’t risk anything happening to her on their territory.”

Edward nodded and sighed. As opposed as he was to the idea, he knew Carlisle was right. He grabbed the keys off the table and bid his family goodnight, before leaving to spend the night at Bella’s

-

“You said she already knew who you were?” Bella asked concerned, a hand on his chest, her eyebrows together and eyes looking straight into his own

“Yeah,” he exhaled, “not just who but... what.”

Bella was confused, “how?”

“I wish I knew. She refuses to speak to me and guards her thoughts. Every time I try to read in, she stops saying things in her head,” he paused, “She knew I could read minds”

“Do you think there could be other... creatures besides your kind and Jacobs?” Bella asked, just above a whisper, “like— she could be a fairy or something,” she chuckled a bit, shaking her head at the idea.

“She was kind of short,” Edward shrugged and smiled at the memory of looking down at someone the size of a fifth grader.

“Get some sleep. We’re going to meet with Sam tomorrow and tell him everything. Alice saw Victoria hunting her down in La Push.” Edward advised and let her know their plans for tomorrow.

Bella nodded before snuggling closer to his chest and finally dozing off

———

WHOOP CH 4 IS HERE!!!

Let me know what you guys think!!

Ask box is always open for comments, critiques and suggestions! Or any feedback, really. Ya know what even if u wanna just say hi HAHAH

Its open for anything really

Thank you for reading! Likes and reblogs are all appreciated!

Tags: @coffees-and-constellations @rosalies-hale @sunflowerspectre

[littlebosseslb]

Becoming a mommy has weirdly enough become natural for me. I thought it was going to be difficult, given my past decade of life hasn’t been exactly what you would even consider to have been mine, when first seeing or meeting me. Everyone is amazed at what I have been thru. What I have done. Whom I have grown from as well as whom I have become. It fucking blows my mind sometimes. Despite all of that shit, I love where I’m at now. I love ME. I fucking love my daughter and my pup-son more than anything in this entire world. I think i’m doing a pretty damn good job at being a mommy and a sober ex drug dealing/drug using/felon. Yeah. This should be pretty interesting.

I’m only blogging at this very moment because I want to get myself into the habit of giving myself some ME time. I mean, granted I kind of do that when I take a cigarette break throughout the day, but I’m always on my phone. Meme-trolling like a motherfucker. I love to write. I love to journal. Lately though, journal-ing has started to feel somewhat meaningless now. I’m a mommy 24/7 now. My baby girl is barely about to be 2 months old next week and like, when I sit down with my journal... I don’t want to just write and write and write because I’m already fucking exhausted and my hand definitely cant move as fast as my mind goes. I cant even keep up with myself most of the time. Fuck me. It’s going to be hard as fuck to ever get into another relationship. I barely have time for just me, which honestly does not bother me at all in any way, because my ME time has just become WE time for me and my baby. I can never get enough of her! I never thought that I would put the whole game down for anything or anyone. That’s all I saw myself stuck doing. I still dont know what the fuck I want to do with like the rest of my whole life... But one thing I’m fucking fosho fosho of, is that I want to forever be the best mommy I can be to her. She’s so perfect. Lemme stop and thank God right quick. Thank You, God. Because fr fr, I only stopped doing dope, stopped selling dope, and moved up outta the trap and the hood, just so I could start building a better life for her and becoming a better me so that she can always have everything she could ever want and need. It sounds hard as fuck. Well I know it fucking did for me at first! Something inside of me just knew that it was what needed to be done. There was no way around it. No alternatives. I had to just fucking stop and change my direction in life, if I truly wanted to be able to maintain my freedom, keep her and forever be her one and only mommy. 

I’ve been talking to this dude tho, right... and like, at first I was all gaga over this nigga. He honestly is the most incredible and perfect-for-me kinda nigga that I have ever started vibin’ with this deep. It’s fucked up to say this, but it hasn’t been 3 months yet and I’m already just kind of over it. I’m a Gemini and for me, if I get turned off by one small thing that you do, then I’m just like over it and ready to shrug it off for good. I’ve got too much on my shoulders rn and I’m not ready to give attention and time to any other mothafucka besides my family here at home, my pup-son (yes, my mfkn dog), and MY DAUGHTER. I feel bad because the dude is locked up. I’ve known him for some years, but we recently linked back up before he went to jail... then I had my daughter, then I started writing him, then he started calling me everyday. It was cute and shit and honestly, like I said he truly is the type of nigga I feel is perfect for me... buuuuuut, like I said, some shit just rubbed me the wrong way and I’m already like just fucking over it. It honestly doesn’t phase me, which I feel like I SHOULD feel fucked up about #thatpart ... but I don’t. I feel bad that when this all falls down, it’s gonna hurt him more than it will bother me. Is that wrong of me? I mean, I said what I said, I felt what I felt, I’m even the one that pursued him first... but now I’m just like, meh, I don’t want to put all that extra effort into it anymore. I’ve got so much other stress and priorities on my back rn. All of it was just moving too fucking fast and like, the nigga still in jail rn and wont be out for another two months, ya feel me, so like, I’m not sorry that I feel like this. I’m not being a bitch in any way and like I give a fuck about the nigga. I give alot of fucks about the nigga. Got nothin’ but mad love for him, buuuuut, commitment to a nigga is NOT on my list of priorities at all. Period. #sorrynotsorry I’m ready to get back on my feet, after this damn virus paused all of life for a few months. Ya feel me? I want to be an independent, single, mommy. I see me and my baby having our own shit, by ourselves. Not with no man in the picture. Period. 

Thats whats crazy too, he already LOVES my daughter like he loves his own and he’s never even met her. He says I’m the most perfect girl he’s ever vibed with and said he loves. Like, this nigga is being so deep with me and I’m not being cocky in any way, but I’m a good, loyal, down-ass female to be with. If you can catch me long enough to get me to commit, long-term. I’m not tired of it because of another person catching my attention or anything. It’s been heavy on my mind and like the main source of all of my anxiety and frustration and nausea for the past week, because I’m like, what the fuck. What if I never find another nigga like him? Like this dude tells me shit that no man has ever genuinely said to me before. This dude is gangsta and thugged the fuck out, but still trying to come up and live the right way as opposed to how we used to live. Reckless shit. No fucks to give, type shit. He wants to take care of me and my daughter (AND my pup). He believes that it is now his responsibility upon his release from incarceration, to protect and provide for me and my little bundle package that I come with. It’s crazy as fuck to me. I grew up seeing my mother do it ALL on her own. Working crazy af. Single. Raising not just me, but my 2 other siblings. She is the reason why I don’t want a man to just “take care” of me. FUCK THAT. I can take care of myself thank you. 

People annoy the fuck out of me. 

Well, I tweeted about starting my new blog earlier and I’m like, “Idgaf if nobody reads it. ... If people read it, then people read it. I honestly was going to just leave a small post at first, like... “hey, my first post on my new blog. Dope.” then leave it the fuck at that.... guess that shit went out of the window.

I don’t really know what I’m doing...

Just some shit coming outta the mental of a Little Boss.

[irwintry]

The Tilt-Shift Effect

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, brief mention of drugs

Author’s Note: i think i spent too much time on this honestly i dont even know how i feel abt it

playlist

Word Count: 6.2k

–– a phenomenon in which your lived experience seems oddly inconsequential once you put it down on paper, which turns an epic tragicomedy into a sequence of figures on a model train set, assembled in their tiny classrooms and workplaces, wandering along their own cautious and well-trodden paths.

Ashton had wealth, but he ate his cereal out of two-dollar plastic bowls from Target. He owned fourteen, specifically, so he could let them pile up in the sink for two weeks before he was forced to accept the grimy challenge of washing dishes. He had the cabinet space to hold up to twenty-one, though he figured that was a bit excessive. His laziness could only be condoned for so long. If he chose to purchase more, he’d be better off hiring a maid.

Sometimes, Ashton took up weird hobbies during his downtime. His works of crochet were hung on the walls of hallways, and his ceramic mugs got their daily use through early morning coffee fixes. Once upon a time, he tried beading, and his old girlfriend received most of the precious pieces. He had to do something other than songwriting or else it would fry his brains out.

He purchased a new pair of winter gloves the other day. He lived in Los Angeles–– he didn’t need a pair of winter gloves, let alone a new one. Ashton wasn’t spending money on pointless things because he was bored of his life. No, he loved his time on tour with friends. He loved sharing moments and memories that would last forever. And then, he would be home again, cooped up in the confines of his expansive home with fourteen plastic bowls and crocheted hallways. Ashton needed his life to be fast-paced, otherwise, he’d start beading again.

A few weeks ago, he considered writing a novel. He purchased a Nalgene, hiked up whatever mountain was closest (while simultaneously sweating enough to fill his new water bottle three times), and jotted down whatever emotions slammed into his head. He was hit with nothing. The destructive instinct of tossing his journal into the deep brush overcame him, and Ashton decided that if he were to write a novel, he’d need to go somewhere a bit more inspirational than the dry mountains overlooking smog city.

He suffered from tinnitus quite often, especially on airplanes or any high altitude above sea level (to be exact). Maybe it was partially due to his career as a drummer, or maybe it wasn’t. Whatever it was, and whatever the reason, he despised the perpetual ache. It ruined any social event or interaction for the two days following, but in this case, it ruined his right to think. After packing for twenty minutes, Ashton sped to the airport, his ear already clogged from the mountain climb earlier that morning. The information desk was his first destination, and then it was wherever from there.

“’m sorry, Ash, but you’re where?”

Ashton took a glance around at the baggage claim area. So, he could take the silver line, get a taxi or a limo, or schedule an app ride to wherever he was going. It was good to know he had options. But what the hell was the silver line?

He chuckled. “I think I took a flight to Boston.”

The other end of the phone call was silent.

Truth be told, Ashton hadn’t meant to fly to Boston. He hadn’t been tremendously picky when it came to choosing the final destination, so he picked a random time off of the top of his head, and whatever flight was scheduled to board then, he’d buy a ticket. Boston it was.

“Why the fuck are you in Boston?” Luke wondered, his sentence ending with a lilt and a laugh.

Calum entered the conversation. “Are you having an emotional breakdown?”

“Did you try beading again?” Michael quipped.

Ashton had to chuckle once more. He wasn’t sure he would ever tire of his friends. “Needed t’get out of LA, mates. To clear my head.”

“So, you chose Boston?” Luke spoke up through laughter again.

“’s not a bad city,” Ashton replied. The loud buzzer by his baggage claim began to sound, and a second or so later, the first suitcase tumbled down. “There’s Cambridge, too. That place can be pretty.”

“I think Ash will make the perfect Bostonian,” said Michael. “He gives off perfect Masshole vibes.”

Ashton snorted. “Thank you, Mike.”

“Anytime.”

Ashton noticed his bag was the fourth to slide down on the conveyer belt. “So, uh, does anyone know what on earth the silver line is?”

-

There are ninety-five to a hundred billion nerve cells in the human body, and right now, Ashton could feel every single one. The safari app on his phone had close to ten tabs open purely to help him understand the train system, but then he ended up freaking out and taking a Lyft instead. He had started to realize his mistake in coming here the moment he finalized everything with his Airbnb in Back Bay (wherever the hell that was). He could vaguely remember a few designated spots him and his mates hit for yoga or brunch when they had been in the city, but they were never here long enough.

The penthouse he was renting lacked activities, but the bathroom was nice. The lighting made his pores stand out a bit more than usual, so that was another downside. Also, he was two inches taller than the showerhead. Otherwise, he loved the place. The roof would be a nice touch if the temperature outside hadn’t frozen his nips off through three layers of clothing. With a sigh, Ashton tossed his belongings to the floor and collapsed onto the couch.

So, he didn’t know why he was here or what he was going to do while he was here. He hardly made it out of the airport alive, and he assumed that, once people knew he was here, walking the streets would be a damn nightmare. Maybe he could give himself cabin fever and write down whatever psychotic thoughts came into his head. That would be an interesting novel.

Ashton didn’t know what he was thinking, but he did know that he needed a fucking beer. And, like all great cities, there were plenty of bars.

However, despite the lovely array of bars, he needed a place that was lowkey. He needed the place three blocks west in its eighteen-table glory. He needed the distance murmur of conversations from old friends and regulars, and he needed that sharp sting of tequila sloshing down his throat. What he didn’t really need, was the live performance taking place in the closet-sized underground bar, but he felt bad that the ten people in there hardly gave a shit.

Ashton listened from a small round table by the wall. He didn’t know why–– maybe it was the alcohol, but the light strum of guitar and angelic singing voice traveled through every ninety-five to a hundred billion nerves in his body. His heart connected to the lyrics, the strings plucking as if it were on the guitar. Maybe this was why he was here.

You had noticed him from the corner of your eye, though your hands only froze for a split moment before you flickered your gaze back to the few men on barstools. This was the exact reason you had to perform with a lyric sheet before you–– unexpected guests like Ashton Irwin would wander in and listen to you sing.

Truth be told, this was your first time performing in front of a big name, and you were somewhat upset you had worked through your headache to be here. It should have been a sign when your guitar took twenty minutes to tune and when two cars almost ran you over on a crosswalk. It should have been a sign when your vanilla latte from Pavement burned your tongue and made you cry.

But here you were, singing lyrics you no longer felt with a shaky voice in front of a man whose eyes were glossed over from the alcohol. At least, that was what you assumed. His thumbs darted to the inside corners of his eyes and rubbed along the water line. You absolutely could not believe it. You had made him cry.

“Uh, thank you,” you said into the mic. Only Ashton was watching you, so truly, you were thanking him. “I’ll be back soon with some happy songs, I promise.”

He cracked a smile.

You had your back turned for under a minute as you put your guitar away, and when you stood to go talk to him, he had already gone.

-

“I’ve tried approximately seventeen coffee shops in the past week, and only four of them sold bagels, and two of those four had comfortable seating,” Ashton explained. With his phone nestled between his shoulder and his ear, he darted around the kitchen, a spatula for his eggs in one hand and a bottle of orange juice (for some reason) in the other.

“And, how many of those places had good coffee?” asked Calum.

Ashton sighed. “Seven.”

“How ya gonna narrow it down, then?”

Once he set down the bottle of juice, Ashton placed his phone on the counter and pressed the speaker button. A buzz of white noise filled the large kitchen. “Well, two of the seven had bagels, and one of those had good coffee, good seating, and bagels. But the problem is, those bagels weren’t that great. So, like...”

“Life really sucks for you,” his friend replied with a quick chuckle.

“And I still haven’t figured out how the fuck to ride the train, so I’ve spent like two hundred dollars on Lyft rides because I can’t walk, and– “

“Are you doin’ okay, mate?” Calum questioned, worry lacing his tone while Ashton struggled with scraping the eggs off of the pan and onto his plate.

He thought for a moment as he turned off the burner. “I’m– ‘m not doing bad. Jus’...” Ashton sighed. “A part o’ me doesn’t wanna leave, but I don’t have any reason to be here.”

There was silence on Calum’s end for a moment as well. Meanwhile, Ashton was pouring his juice. Truth be told, it was close to one in the afternoon, and he was just now having breakfast.

“And like,” he mumbled before letting out a quick huff due to the small juice spillage on the counter, “I feel kinda stupid. Like, I literally hopped on the first flight that caught my eye. I coulda gone to Milwaukee, or I coulda gone to Paris!”

“Boston’s pretty cool,” replied Calum.

Ashton shrugged to himself. “There was this really good singer at this bar the other day. Thought she was cute n’ all.”

“Did you get her number?”

“No,” he said. “I– I left pretty quickly. Dunno. I panicked. I haven’t been back since.”

“Why?”

“Dunno.”

“You should go back.”

Ashton’s brows knotted together. “Y’think?”

Calum let out a laugh. “You’re acting like a fourteen-year-old.”

Ashton sighed.

“Yeah, go back,” his friend continued. “Why not? If she’s not there, try one more time. And if she’s not there again, go to fuckin’ Belize. Ash, ya flew to Boston on a whim. You’re feelin’ burnt out–– you want to write a fuckin’ novel for Christ’s sake, mate! Maybe it’s all a path that leads to her. I mean, ya never know if you don’t try.”

Ashton nodded as he poked and prodded at his peppered eggs with a fork. They had cooled significantly now, and his hunger was only growing stronger. “I’m supposed t’be the wise one. ‘m older.”

In response, Calum snorted and uttered out a meek “yeah, right.”

“I’ll– I’ll go back tonight.”

And, Ashton did. His stomach twisted tightly as his long legs took him in quick strides across bridges and down busy streets. He kept his head down the entire time, his thin sweatshirt hood loose against his untamed hair (he hadn’t thought to put in the energy). The cold bit, and he figured he would have to invest in a nice winter coat from some store down Newbury. He heard it had a lot of nice stores.

The bar was quiet again, the same few guys still situated on their stools as if they hadn’t left in six days. He paid for a beer – didn’t matter what kind – and stalked towards the same table he had sat at before. Everything was the same, but you weren’t there, and he assumed you wouldn’t be. For a second, he hoped he had gotten the time all wrong, or maybe he had imagined the whole thing. Moments later, his beer had gone down a few centimeters, and you were rushing down the stairs with your guitar case on your back and a music stand in your hand.

“Sorry, sorry Stewart!” you yelped after banging the shoulder of one of the men at the bar.

“Jesus, Y/N, you don’t have t’rush,” he joked, but you continued on hurrying to get your things set up. “We’ll be here all night.”

You huffed. “Well, how ya gonna have an enjoyable night without me?”

Someone else chuckled. “I’ll drink to that.”

So could Ashton. His heart rate had tripled since you raced in wearing your cute bee socks. He hoped the flush of your skin meant more than the freezing temperatures outside, but he wasn’t entirely confident you had noticed him sitting there until you were situated on your stool.

“You missed out on the happy songs,” you said as you – to his surprise – gazed over at him. “That’s okay. I’ve got a few more in store.”

Ashton didn’t cry often when it came to happy songs–– he truly thought his reactions to music were pretty conventional. Somehow, you were able to evoke more emotion than he even knew he had. His beer had more tears in it than alcohol by the end of your set. He wondered why no one had discovered you yet, but then again, you fit perfectly in the position you were in: playing for only him to listen.

He wanted to do what Calum suggested. He wanted to talk to you and personally get your name without having to know it because he overheard it from Stewart. For some reason, every ounce of confidence that Ashton had spent years developing in the music industry stood no chance in comparison to you. He darted as soon as you smiled his way.

-

Ashton had burned through four bottles of Naked juice by the next evening. It was his compensation for hardly having a thing to drink at the bar simply because his brain chose to be infatuated with you for that short amount of time. Also, he bent the shower head by accident, and he almost locked himself on the roof last night when exploring.

In the morning, he had briefly forgotten where he was. There were ten texts from friends awaiting him as he fumbled with the coffee machine in the kitchen, and most of them had something to do with him flying across the country to a city that hardly mattered a thing to him. Ashton chose not to answer any of them. He didn’t owe anyone an explanation for his decisions; however, he felt as though he owed you his ears. You deserved to have someone who cared about your music.

You, on the other hand, had been hoping and praying that the previous night would run smoothly. Ashton had no reason to show again, and you assumed he had only been in town briefly. And then, he hid in the corner once more, eyes trained hard on you as the tears threatened to spill. You had to blink a few times to make sure your mind wasn’t playing tricks on you. This man played arenas holding thousands all across the world. You played for your roommates and middle-aged drunkards in a bar with a maximum capacity of thirty. He should not have been there.

Though the nerves were still there as you played through John Denver covers and original songs that would only see the inside of the bar, it was nice to have someone new listen in. It was numbing to only play for Richard, Frank, Steve, and Stewart. Now there was Ashton, the famous drummer who somehow found his way to Boston and somehow wandered into the same bar you played at a few times a week. Had someone filmed you and posted it online? Was he here pretending to be a talent scout?

You needed to know. But Ashton was good. In that same minute you were putting away your guitar, he slipped out again.

So, you figured he wouldn’t show anymore. Nobody of great importance stayed in Boston long enough. And then, he did show. For the third time in a row, Ashton was giving you his full attention, and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. He showed a fourth time, and then a fifth. A whole two weeks had passed, and he was still showing up.

By this point, you convinced yourself that it was a-look-alike.

Ashton, meanwhile, was convinced that you were the reason he was here in the first place. He didn’t know if it was the cute giggle that escaped your lips when you slipped up on the chords, or the crinkles by your eyes once you let yourself get lost completely in a song. Or, maybe it was the precious pout you wore when there were mic difficulties.

It was possible he had become a bit too hooked.

“What even is there to do in Boston?” asked Luke while Ashton was busy avoiding ducks and squirrels by the edge of the pond. A part of him considered dropping his phone into the shallow waters, but his friends needed to know that he was doing okay.

“Uhh,” Ashton glanced around, the dead leaves and bundled-up strangers catching his eye. Truly, he should have picked Italy or something. “Ride a train. Eat food. Yell at cars.”

Someone cackled on the other end of the call. “You make me sad.” It was Michael.

“I’m fine,” the dirty-blond answered, “truly. It’s about Christmas time, so the lights are really nice. Depends on where ya go but things are like, kinda calm here. And, there’s this bar– “

“Jesus, Ash, have you even talked to her?” asked Calum.

“Well, no, but– “

“Her?” It was Michael again.

Ashton frowned. “Well there’s– uh, there’s this– “ He kicked at a few stones and watched them tumble into the water. “Girl.”

A chorus of ooo’s and laughter filled the receiver before Luke spoke up and said, “All right, Ash, buddy. What’s she like? Satisfyin’?”

“I-I haven’t even talked to her yet.”

And then, there was a moment of silence.

“She plays at this bar,” Ashton continued, “a few times a week. And, fuck, she’s like if Sara Bareilles and Phoebe Bridgers had a baby or somethin’. ‘m probably the only person in that joint who gives a flyin’ fuck about her. She’s so beautiful.”

“Well shit, Ash,” Michael interjected, “what’re you waitin’ for?”

“That’s what I told him!” Calum shouted.

Ashton didn’t know. He didn’t know after the phone call ended, and he still didn’t know on his walk back home. He thought about you too much to not give this a chance.

At home, he thought about you while making dinner or shaving his beard. He thought about you when coming up with strategic ways to get around the city without being seen. He thought about you once he finally figured out how the train system worked. No matter what, he thought about you, the cute girl who sang her heart out for people who only talked over her.

He wondered if you thought about him, too. There was no possible way you hadn’t noticed his presence–– you locked eyes too many times and it made his heart flop every damn time.

Ashton would spend the walk over to the bar thinking about what sweater you would wear that night. Would it be blue or red? Would it fit perfectly or leave enough room for another human to cuddle underneath? You took your shoes off when performing, so he began to think about what socks you would wear, too. The blue ones with cats? The frilly white ones? The rainbow ones with dinosaurs? His smile grew wide as he climbed down the stairs to the small bar.

Tonight was the night he would talk to you he decided. He couldn’t fall into the habit of coming and going, especially when he truly wanted to talk to you. Somehow, those billions of nerves held him back.

Ashton sat at a table closer to the tiny stage. You were in the middle of a song when your eyes glanced down to his figure, and he swore you could see his cheeks burning hotter than the neon sign beside his head.

“Hey stranger,” you said after the song had ended, and you sent a wink his way. “This next one is dedicated to you.”

His mouth fell open, but he quickly covered up the expression with a long sip of his beer. It was like you knew how to win him over. A few chuckles sounded the bar from behind him, but he couldn’t take it upon himself to care as your nimble fingers strummed a melody that felt like pure honey in his ears. Your voice was what made it sweet.

It was possible the small bit of alcohol that made the fuzz in head travel down his spine. The bubbling in his chest was an artist, for the smile it etched on his face was unlike no other he had felt. Ashton couldn’t imagine the sensation of actually speaking to you face-to-face.

“Thank you to my– my number one fan,” you mumbled shyly with the prettiest smile that could send anyone into a euphoric state. Your eyes were gentle as they peered down at him, and he swore his heart had taken a flight to Milan by now.

You turned around to pack your things, and Ashton had to restrain himself from fleeing like he typically did every time. Usually, he was better at this. He could talk to anyone back home without a single ounce of anxiety, but now, his feet did most of the talking. So, he imagined that he was stuck butt-first in cement and stayed still.

He didn’t know that you would nearly drop everything when you turned to see him there. Ashton fought free of his invisible restraints so he could rush over and help gather your lyric sheets, but he didn’t know he would be so shaky doing so. He hadn’t been this nervous since the first ever performance with his band.

“S-shit, thanks– thank you,” you sputtered, clearly flustered from the accidental mishap. You began to lightly laugh at yourself as you crouched down, and he admired that. “’m a bit clumsy.”

“Is that your name?” he asked and cracked a smile. “A bit clumsy?”

Maybe you had blushed, maybe you hadn’t. Or, maybe it was the few lights shining directly on the two of you from above the small stage. “Uh, n-no. ‘s Y/N.”

He smiled and nodded, reaching out his free hand to shake your own free hand. He knew your hands would be soft despite the guitar callouses, but he hadn’t realized how badly he wouldn’t want to let go. “Ashton.”

“Yeah,” you replied hazily, then your eyes widened before you rose to your feet. He followed suit as you stuttered out, “I-I mean yeah, I– shoot. I mean I know who you are, it’s just– “

“Y’okay?” He grinned. So, he wasn’t the only one who was nervous. That was good.

You nodded. “I’m– I’m great. Just confused.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well...” You shrugged and placed the sheets of music back onto the music stand. “You-you're not exactly a Boston native. And, you keep comin’ to this bar.”

“Cos’ you’re talented.”

“And– wait, what?”

Ashton’s smile grew. You truly did have more confidence on stage than you did in person; it just meant you were destined to perform. “I keep comin’ back to hear you. I like your stuff. I like your voice.”

You gazed up at him, cheeks hot, and you were desperate to get out of the harsh lighting you had been sitting in for close to a half hour. Behind him, the folks at the bar were chatting and gazing back occasionally at the two of you. “You’re... wow.”

“You’re really good.”

“Th-thank you,” you replied, “so much.” The smile had yet to escape you, and it was possible that it had grown larger. “Um, so why-why are you in Boston? Of all places?”

It hadn’t occurred to him that you would ask that question. Surprisingly, in the past two weeks, no one had. He went a few days without getting recognized altogether, but he knew he’d have to answer questions at some point. But, for now, he shrugged. He didn’t know the answer. “Spontaneous adventure.”

You chuckled. “To Boston...”

He laughed a little, too. “Yeah, to Boston.”

-

The simple question of “can I walk you home?” could only go so far. Ashton hadn’t insinuated anything, and you didn’t think he had either. But if both of you were honest, you didn’t want to say goodbye just yet. So, you told him to “hold tight” as you raced up to your apartment to drop your things off. He was in the same spot where you had left him, hands deep in the pocket of his pretty-penny coat that had a hood the size of Canada.

“Y’sure you don’t have plans?” he asked you, letting out a puff of air through the frigid night. Ashton didn’t mind the cold as long as he spent it with someone to preoccupy his thoughts. You were well-qualified for that–– he couldn’t think of anything else but you and the way the lights in the trees reflected in your eyes.

“It’s eight-thirty on a Thursday night,” you said. “Normally, I’d be in bed by now.”

Ashton let out a chuckle, and he couldn’t believe that he could have had this last week. You admitted that you had been hoping he’d stick around after all this time, and ever since that moment, he tried not to mental curse himself.

“Walk fast,” you muttered to him. “My favorite coffee shop closes in an hour and a half.”

You were taking him through parks and vacant neighborhood streets, and he was grateful. These were shortcuts he hadn’t thought to take himself. Besides, he’d rather enjoy them with you anyway. You hopped off of curbs, kicked stones in your path, and jogged across large fields whenever the two of you came upon one. He had never met anyone who found such joy in the little things, and he loved that about you. The night was cold, but you were happy.

Were you happy because you were with him?

Ashton tried to enjoy it as much as you (well, he did enjoy himself, but he preferred watching you enjoy yourself–– it meant more to him anyway). Watching the way your eyes lit up as a few snow flurries fell from the sky was enough to keep his mood steady for the next few months.

“If we get coffee fast,” you said, “we could go to the MFA. I mean, like, you would have to pay unfortunately because I get in for free, but– “

“The MFA?” Ashton asked you as the two of you turned a corner. Before he realized, you were walking up a few steps and opening the door to the coffee shop you told him about.

“Museum of Fine Arts!” you exclaimed before greeting the baristas in the small establishment. “Can I get a small caramel latte with almond milk and a molasses cookie, please? Both to-go”

He grinned, still watching you intently as if you were made of pure gold. Everything you said was drenched in it. Ashton didn’t know how to not fall for you. He pulled out his wallet before you could and handed the person at the register his credit card as he said, “small cider for me, please. Also to-go.”

“Excuse you,” you gasped, and then you pouted, and Ashton thought he was going to lose his shit. Either that or his cheeks would fall off from smiling so much.

“You worked hard tonight,” he said. “You deserve it.”

You rolled your eyes. “Dummy.”

Ashton liked the fact that the two of you spoke to each other as if you had been friends all along. It felt natural, and that only made him more nervous. If it felt natural after only knowing you for a few hours, he couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel later on.

“Want some?” you asked, holding up the molasses cookie as you both began in the direction you came from. “It’ll change your life.”

“Uh, sure,” he replied, pulling off a bit of the cookie before placing it on his tongue. Ashton had never been a huge fan of molasses, but he didn’t mind it all that much. Nevertheless, he nearly moaned at the taste just to please you. “That’s crack,” he joked before taking a sip of his cooling cider. “MFA time?”

“You wanna go?” you asked with a small gasp. “You still wanna spend time with me? I’m shocked.”

He chuckled. “I don’t think tha’s a crime. You’re talented and fun to be around.”

“Half of the world is jealous of me,” you said.

“Yeah, well,” he sighed, “luckily, half of the world doesn’t know about you yet. Once they do...” Ashton didn’t want to think about you becoming overwhelmed with personalities and fans. He liked you here. He liked you now. And then, he realized he said yet. But you didn’t notice.

“I can only imagine,” you huffed through a mouthful of cookie. “Dunno how you’re able to get around here without strangers proddin’ into your life.”

“Ah, I’ve recently developed ninja skills,” he said. “And, I’m also Spider-Man, so I can jump from building to building. Oh, and I’m a mermaid, too so I can swim across the Charles if I need.”

You winced, and you even made an euughhh sound before saying, “I wouldn’t even stick a toe in the Charles if you dared me for a million dollars.”

Ashton felt his laughter deep in his chest, and he hadn’t expected it to echo as the two of you prepared to cross the giant field once again. And when you danced your way across the turf, he gladly held your belongings so he could slowly catch up to you. He was amazed that you felt no sense of embarrassment, but that made him even happier. It just meant that you were comfortable around him.

He didn’t mind paying for his ticket whatsoever–– he would spend all of the money in his bank account if it meant never leaving your side. You showed him all of your favorite pieces, like Dance at Bougival by the artist Pierre-Auguste Renoir (who, according to you, was definitely one of the best Impressionist painters), and you took him down to the Ansel Adams exhibit. That was his favorite part in particular; it was the kind of photography he wished he could create.

Most of all, Ashton didn’t mind standing back and admiring you from afar as your eyes scanned the wide canvases before you. He wanted you as close as possible, but he could appreciate your beauty in full this way.

“Do you smell potatoes?” you wondered aloud at one point, and truly, he did smell potatoes. The smell hit both of you before the sounds of whatever event was being held did. Soon after, you could hardly hear your thoughts over the band and loud chatter. “C’mon,” you said, taking his hand and pulling him down a large hall, “I wanna see if we can crash.”

Your hand was in his. Your hand was in his, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Your smile grew as you followed the blaring music into a great big hall. There were servers and chefs darting behind dividers, and from the middle of the room, you could see down into where the event took place. People were dressed to the nines as the band in the distance played a song he recognized from Notting Hill.

“Art installation,” you gasped, tugging on his hand. Meanwhile, he was trying to figure out a way to intertwine your fingers with his. “Do you think I could get them to let me in by wooing them with my magical voice?” you joked, giggling as your entire face lit up with laughter.

Ashton nodded. “You could woo them with your smile, darlin’,” he replied. The next moment, he managed to wedge his fingers in between yours, and you didn’t even think twice about it. Your eyes sparkled while you tried to sneak up further to catch a better glimpse at what was happening.

“Well, you could woo them with your smile... darlin’,” you said, shooting him a wink.

Ashton finally decided that Boston hadn’t been a bad idea after all.

-

“I’m not tired,” you replied despite yawning midsentence. “Promise. It’s only– “ You checked your phone. “It’s only two in the mornin’.”

“Bedtime for me, sweetheart,” Ashton chuckled. “But believe me, I don’t want this night to end either.”

You sighed, wrapped your arm around his as you rested your head on his bicep. Ashton felt the need to thank you for this. He felt warm around you, and not just because you were leaning into him. He had developed feelings for the idea of you during the past two weeks of witnessing your lovely performances, but tonight, he had developed feelings for the actual you. It was quite possible that you had as well.

“Where ya stayin’?” you mumbled against him.

“I have an Airbnb on the next street over from here,” he responded as he glanced down at your tired self all cuddled against him. It made his heart got berserk. “But ‘m gonna walk you back to your place.”

“You don’t have t’do that,” you said.

Ashton shrugged lightly. “I want to.”

You sighed again, letting your head fall back against him as he pulled you closer (if that were even possible). The two of you walked in comfortable, sleepy silence down a few more blocks and over avenues. At one point, he swore you had fallen asleep, yet your feet were still walking as normal with him blindly guiding you along. He didn’t recognize where he was whatsoever, though, within a few minutes, the two of you reached your destination.

“Hm, we’re here,” you mumbled, blinking rapidly before rubbing your eyes.

“So we are,” he said, mostly to himself as his brain sped through countless options as to what he should do next. Would he ask for your number? Would he tell you he’d see you again soon? Ashton didn’t know what to do, but the moment you stepped closer to him, he knew he needed to pull you in for a hug. He needed your warmth, and you gladly accepted his. And when you began to pull away, you stood high on your toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

“See you tonight?” you asked, a lazy smile forming on your features as you slowly backed up towards the front door to the building.

He grinned, grazing his cheek with his fingers as he muttered out a satisfied, “see you tonight.”

-

Ashton started his novel the next afternoon, the words finally hitting his brain in just the right places as they found their home on an empty word document. He wrote and wrote, his fingers hardly feeling the repercussions of the endless typing, and before he knew it, it was time to see you again. A part of him wanted you here with him as he wrote–– maybe you were the inspiration he needed all along.

And when he walked into that bar he now knew all too well, you were already there to greet him with a smile so big, any satellite in space could see it. Ashton knew he would be head-over-heels from the get-go; however, he hadn’t expected to fantasize about stupid things like taking road trips or late-night kisses. They weren’t stupid per se, though they weren’t his typical fantasies. Sure, he had a hard time showering without thinking of you, but that made him feel guilty. He could bite his fist and pull his hair all he wanted, and he’d still wonder about how you liked your eggs or what your favorite color was.

He took you out to eat afterward, both to congratulate you on another fabulous performance and to make it known that this did, in fact, count as a date. He had even let the word slip out once or twice, hopeful enough that you would catch on and not feel uncomfortable. You made it clear that you were enjoying yourself nevertheless. You wouldn’t be playing sugar packet Jenga with him otherwise (at least, that was what he assumed).

An hour or so later, he was walking you home again. Instead of you reaching up to kiss his cheek, he bent down to kiss your lips, and the world felt okay once again.

[meleuki]

g2k me uncomfortably well

1. What is your middle name? 

It’s my grandmother’s first name. I’m not gonna say what it is tho. 

2. How old are you? 

I am an age. 

3. When is your birthday? 

31st of March, same day as Angus Young hell yeah. 

4. What is your zodiac sign? 

Aries

5. What is your favourite colour? 

Black, Purple & Red.

6. What’s your lucky number?

1,714 (long story). 

7. Do you have any pets?

I have one little dog, he’s cute asf. 

8. Where are you from? 

Australia. 

9. How tall are you?

5′4/5′5, I can’t tell most of the time. 

10. What shoe size are you? 

US 9 or 10

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 

um like 12, but I only wear about 5 of them regularly.

12. What was your last dream about? 

some dude turning into this cannibalistic animal type thing & me becoming friends with two ghost boys who murdered a bunch of people, and then got murdered and having to figure the rest of the case out for them. (supernatural has kinda been rubbing off on my dreams lmao.)

13. What talents do you have? 

I can play guitar and piano. I can cook pretty good?? I also have a talent for being a dumb ass. 

14. Are you psychic in any way? 

I don’t believe I am.

15. Favourite song? 

atm, Enter Sandman by Metallica

16. Favourite movie? 

IT (2017), or, Scream. 

17. Who would be your ideal partner? 

oh golly, I don’t know actually. I just think I need someone who has some confidence, a kind soul and an open mind, and is able to put a smile on my face even when i dont want it. So far, I haven’t met someone who has caught my eye, but i hope one day I do. 

18. Do you want children? 

Yes, YES.

19. Do you want a church wedding? 

no I don’t. I want one in a garden area type thingy. 

20. Are you religious? 

i’m not sure.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? 

yeah like 4-5 times. 

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? 

nope, I don’t plan on it. 

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 

I haven’t. 

24. Baths or showers?

both

25. What color socks are you wearing? 

I’m not wearing any. 

26. Have you ever been famous? 

pft, nope.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? 

I would, but only for the reach of my music. 

28. What type of music do you like? 

Rock ‘n Roll, Blues, Jazz, Indie, Classical, Punk, etc. (pretty much anything)

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? 

I have never.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 

four. two under my head, and two on the side of my bed. 

31. What position do you usually sleep in? 

i’m either on my right or my left side, one leg up so my knee is diagonal with my stomach and one stretched out, one hand at my chest and one arm resting over my side. 

32. How big is your house? 

one story, medium size ish. 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 

coffee... and maybe sometimes I’ll have a smoothie. 

34. Have you ever fired a gun? 

yeppp, I have. It was ages ago tho. 

35. Have you ever tried archery? 

I’ve only really ever done archery on summer camps or school camps. Although I was pretty good at it whenever I tried. 

36. Favourite clean word? 

spellbinding

37. Favorite swear word? 

F U C K

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 

Maybe a little over two days. 

39. Do you have any scars? 

I do. Some on my knees, a lot on my back and my hips. My fingers are pretty scratched up a lot too. 

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 

‘scuse me what? no, never. 

41. Are you a good liar? 

Indeed I am. But I don’t like to lie. 

42. Are you a good judge of character? 

I’d like to think I’m good at reading people. 

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? 

I can do a pretty generic American accent and a stupid posh British one. 

44. Do you have a strong accent? 

I’d say I don’t, especially hearing me compared to some other Australians - my accent isn’t strong at all. You can definitely tell where I’m from though. 

45. What is your favourite accent? 

Russian, or German. 

46. What is your personality type? 

Chaotic dumb bitch, who rants about nature, peace and love. 

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? 

um, my macpac jacket, which was like $300. (It was also a birthday present from my mum, and she worked there at the time so it was cheap.)

48. Can you curl your tongue? 

I think I can??

49. Are you an innie or an outie? 

Innie. 

50. Left or right-handed? 

right-handed. A bitch can do jack shit with her left. 

51. Are you scared of spiders? 

I used to be, I kinda want a pet tarantula now tbh. 

52. Favourite food? 

Chicken noodle soup, fight me. 

53. Favourite foreign food?

Lasagne. 

54. Are you a clean or messy person? 

Usually, I’m pretty messy, I can’t work in an environment that is completely clean, but somedays I just like to clean shit up. 

55. Most used phrase? 

“Sorry, what?”

56. Most used word? 

definitely, “bro”.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 

if a shower is included, like an hour. But without a shower, like 20mins. 

58. Do you have much of an ego? 

No, I don’t. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? 

Suck them. (how tf you gon taste a lollipop if you bite it??)

60. Do you talk to yourself? 

All the fucking time. When I’m writing I talk myself through the story by mumbling the words to myself a lot. Other times I might be doing the dishes, getting dressed or doing something mundane and I’ll just begin to have a conversation with myself. 

61. Do you sing to yourself? 

bitch yes, all the fucking time. 

62. Are you a good singer? 

I like to think that I’m okay. 

63. Biggest Fear? 

Losing my ability to see. 

64. Are you a gossip? 

No, unless the person in question has done something shitty to me or a close friend, AND I will only talk about with a close friend. 

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

66. Do you like long or short hair? 

I don’t mind either way, but long hair makes my knees weak.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? 

bitch, HAHAH, nope. 

68. Favourite school subject? 

English, but really only when we’re doing creative writing. 

69. Extrovert or Introvert? 

Smack me right in the middle. 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? 

nope, never ever, and I never plan on it. 

71. What makes you nervous? 

A lot of shit, not gonna lie. 

72. Are you scared of the dark? 

yES, the dark stems from my main fear, loss of my sight. I can’t be in control of the situations around me. 

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? 

depends what kind of mistakes we’re taking here.

74. Are you ticklish? 

yes, and I fucken hate it. 

75. Have you ever started a rumour? 

I don’t think I ever have. Maybe accidentally?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? 

people call me a mum? So, I guess? 

77. Have you ever drank underage? 

wtf no, who do u think I am wtf???? JK, yes, all the time. Whenever I get the chance. 

78. Have you ever done drugs? 

ask @xx-kurt-cocaine--xx .

79. Who was your first real crush?

Some dude named Tyler, he turned out to be an ass tho. 

80. How many piercings do you have? 

Just my ears, but I want like four more. 

81. Can you roll your R’s?

a little, but only for like two seconds. 

82. How fast can you type? 

@livewiredroger tells me I’m an aggresive typer so, I guess I’m pretty fast at punching the fuck outta my keyboard. 

83. How fast can you run? 

ok, kinda hate running, it hurts my tits. But I’m a sprinter, long-distances kill me. 

84. What colour is your hair?

black, dark brown and honey brown. I dyed it black and it’s growing out, looks cool tho so I don’t mind. 

85. What color is your eyes? 

blue, green, grey. I don’t know which one, I’ve been told all of them too many times. 

86. What are you allergic to? 

nothing that I know of. Pretty sure I’ve got an intolerence to mushrooms tho, and dairy does weird things to my stomach. 

87. Do you keep a journal? 

I do, I haven’t written in it in a few weeks tho. Reading back through my depressive episodes isn’t a fun trip. 

88. What do your parents do? 

job-wise? They’re both teachers for primary school kids. 

89. Do you like your age? 

I guess? I dunno.

90. What makes you angry? 

A lot of things, but I’ve learnt to control it, mostly. 

91. Do you like your own name? 

I don’t hate it. 

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I have. Boy names; East, Patrick, Samuel. Girls names; Piper, Lila, Milan. 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I would love a boy. If I had a girl I would love her all the same. But right now, a boy is what I have in mind. 

94. What are you strengths? 

kill em with kindness

95. What are your weaknesses?

I can be very forward, or very frustrated. 

96. How did you get your name? 

my mum just turned to my dad and was like, “hey what about this?” and my dad was like, “yup, sure thing.” 

97. Were your ancestors royalty? 

NAh. 

98. Do you have any scars?

 I answered this one already?

99. Colour of your bedspread? 

blue and beige. 

100. Colour of your room? 

One wall is aqua blue, the others are white. Mostly blue aesthetic I guess. 

I tag: @guns-n-crue @gretavanyeeeeet @solohqrry @punkslap @livewiredroger

@antheasnow @malibubarbievince

[theirondragonrants]

Everyone has different opinions so why does it bother people so much that you dislike Servando?

I guess everyone assumes I'm hating every aspect of him? Or I'm like speaking gospel and trying to influence the masses???

Like yeah man I think Alex can do better. That's just an opinion in the same way I think team USA needs to dump Jill Ellis and Team Argentina needs to break up with journalism and it's only Argentinian coaches unspoken rule. Am I her marriage councilor? Her mother? No bitch, I'm just one more person on the internet. So fuck off, Jesus. I'm not out there trying to sabotage their God damn marriage, what do you take me for Wile E fucking Coyote!?

I know he's a really good person! And he's actually super chill irl. I know he's an activist, a feminist and not a dick. I know he stays after games to spend time with fans and he's not a very public person despite him picking a career that puts him in the spotlight and therefore leaves us with some expectations for him (or at least me). He also married a gorgeous woman, and a kickass soccer player, who Def deserves some public attention my g. But again, that's just me. I'm not trying to get anyone to agree with me here.

What other people around me say or do about Servando hasn't influenced my opinions about him. If x y or z person used to write hate on his posts or not is none of my business. I haven't done any of that so why are you telling me about it? The hell do I care. I'm 21yrs old and have no time to be influenced by my own bullshit, let alone the actions of other people.

I HATE him as a player and I think his best CV skill is being a bench warmer. From my sports fanatism I think he needs to call it quits. I think there are other players that deserve the spot he's getting paid for way more than him. But I also dislike so many other players? It's not personal I just think he sucks. Tbh if i was getting paid the big bucks to be a glorified bench warmer I probably wouldn't drop the job either so what do I know.

People take shit personally like I'm coming at their lives for reasons I don't understand. If you don't agree with me then good! I had a professor say that unparalleled agreement is the death of progress. If we all agreed then life would be so boring.

TLDR: stop taking my Servando hate so seriously. It won't change my mind. It won't change yours. The only thing it's doing is costing me precious time. I'm really about to send yalls my tuition bill so you can split it because I'll fail classes over this at this rate.

P. S: I'm ignoring all the Servando asks I'm getting rn bc honestly it's getting boring. 🤷‍♀️ I'M ALSO GETTING LIKE 5 PAGE FULL CHICAGO CITED PAPERS AT THIS POINT AND I DONT GET PAID ENOUGH (READ: I DONT GET PAID) TO ANSWER THIS SO. KINDLY. ESTAAAAHP

LETS GO TEAM OOSA!

[jonathanvaughn89-blog]

I have no clue.

Wow some people can really be entitled to what they think is theirs. Thats not really important honestly, if anything im to lazy to describe the video im watching to express how i feel about this asshole im watching in a deadwing dork video. The internet (wiki how specificly) guided me to this thing called “conscious writing”. This means writing whatever comes to my head to help practice writing, not really worrying about errors. and im kinda letting some go but then some errors i just cant let slide by. For anyone who reads this i am trying to practice in becoming a media journalist. so if any future news seekers see this on my blog, hello from the past! by whatever point you are seeing this i hope to have brought some type of news to someone that means something. My name is JOnathan vaughn, i am 20 years old and have a passion for information. More so information that is factual, citing my information and so on. The greatest issue i have currently run into was my communication and networking, and what to report honestly. pretty pathetic but what can you do. Maybe religion but their is a million people who have already reported the information i want to get across. World events will always be a easy of of course but the demographic i woould be reaching out to using this website will not care about how before iran attacked the us embassy ironicly after we placed 150,000 troops over their boarders. I would use reddit but wow is reddit just a shit show of smug assholes who think somehow they are smart because they use the site. Anyways i have always been a fan of writing and journalism as a whole, international work is something ive always wanted to do, this started when i seen the documentary on north korea from vice. the very idea this English speaking, american looking fat bastard went into the most dangerous state in the world by bribing some airport officials shows how much the world does not care, and how anything is possible with money and some clout. It blew my mind as a (maybe) thirteen year old! it sparked the passion of wonder and curiosity that you feel when you really found something that you love. But yea love is just chemicals in your brain so your “passion” is changeable, but im just projecting again arent i. we all do and thats ok, people shouldnt really feel bad about being shitty people unless you are like a rapist or a murderer (but im guessing most of them dont feel to bad if its out of malice) but things like being a narcasist, or maybe not saving someone being mugged for youre own saftey. its really just basic human behavior. that really does not justify anything that can be considered selfish, but if everyone shares traits that are “selfish” then its not that bad, its human.

[sosa-sketch]

Fright or Flight: Chapter 2

Parings: Prinxiety // Logicality // Platonic LAMP

Story Summary: Virgil and Patton investigate the New Prince Castle, when a brutal accident kills Patton. Patton wakes as a ghost and meets friendly ghoul Roman, who has been haunting the castle for 20 years. Virgil is determined to bring Patton back to life and brings Logan, the ghost expert, to help him out. Time is quickly running out, and the four must work together to undo death. If only it was as simple as Logan made it sound.

Unknown to them, a secret entity in the castle does not plan on letting them succeed.

Previous Chapter   Next Chapter 

When Patton first met Virgil, his last intention was to become friends with him. Virgil had built up a notorious reputation over the first few months of school, and his grades did nothing to disprove his status. Patton wasn’t the type to judge a person’s character based on rumors nor looks. No one was a higher believer in the benefit of doubt than Patton! However, Virgil’s first impression did not help his case.

Virgil transferred into Patton’s English class the second semester due to a schedule change. When the teacher stated a new team project was to be completed, Patton did not shy away from offering to be Virgil’s partner. He understood how difficult it could be being the new kid in a class full of friends and cliques.

The project was hefty, an collection of novel analyzing, essays, vocabulary, and journal entries. Patton was not looking forward to the Shakespearean project-Shakespeare’s language was alien to him. It occurred to Patton that pairing up with the soon-to-be-dropout may not have been his best idea. Nonetheless, Patton refused to be jaded.

The first day of the project, Virgil refused to touch the work.

“There’s no way I’m touching this project.” Virgil sneered. “Especially about Shakespeare.”

“Huh?” Patton had not fully processed Virgil’s words. “Is it because you don’t understand it?”

“Sure.”

“Neither can I! I guess Shakespeare really has our brains shaken up! Maybe we can ask the teacher to go over it for us?”

The teen huffed and shook his head. Virgil laid his head on the wooden desk and his eyes slipped closed. He napped for the rest of the period.

His behavior continued for weeks. Patton had tried everything in his power to get Virgil to help him out. Patton’s seemingly endless supply of compliments and encouraging gestures served no help.

Patton’s mind had conjured countless excuses for Virgil since Virgil himself refused to give one. At the beginning the excuses had seemed feasible. Lack of sleep? Family issues? However, by week three, Patton was already scraping the bottom of the barrel, trying to justify Virgil’s dismissive attitude with clones and possible mind control. Virgil was no closer to lifting up a pencil, there were ten days left of the project, and Patton still understood little to nothing about Shakespeare. Patton was flying solo and time was ticking.

The final week before the project was due, Patton caught the flu.

Patton would chalk up the flu to the top three sucky sicknesses of his lifetime. His fever was raging, his skin drowning in sweat while the insides of him iced over. Patton couldn’t tell when being awake ended and when sleep began. The only alarm in Patton’s body was the churning in his gut that rushed him to the toilet.

Understandably, the project was the last thing on his mind.

Patton would not remember his Shakespeare mission until the Sunday before it was due, when he was shaking off the final remnants of the flu. The realization hit him like a train, but by the time he went flying off his bed and hurriedly logging on to his computer to check the time, Patton knew it was hopeless. There was no way he could get the project done in a few hours and counting. Not when all his energy was going into fighting of sneezes and headaches.

Patton was dejectedly scrolling through his email filled with newsletters from adoption sites and animal protection agencies when a subject line caught his eye: “English Project.” Linked to the email were word documents and an audio file. Perplexedly, Patton opened the email.

To: patpetspups@gmail.com

From: killjoy_2001@icloud.com

Subject: English Project

Patton,

so apparently you’ve been sick. class is way more quiet without you their, which is wierd.

i think i did everything you hadn’t done. it’s gonna be really mispelled and confusing and shit. sorry. i’m not the best with righting. feel free to fix anything.

get well soon.

-V

p.s. sorry for acting like a jerk. i owe you a explanation monday.

Patton hugged his computer screen and laugh with relief. He had no idea why Virgil was so nervous. His ideas were brilliant. A week later, Patton would see an A in his gradebook for the Shakespeare project.

There was a reason why Patton never lost faith in people.

True to his word, the next week Virgil explained his mistreatment to Patton. Virgil struggled with dyslexia. While he was getting tutoring in overcoming his learning disability, Virgil’s writing made him incredibly insecure. His old teacher always let him work individually, but the new teacher wasn’t having it. Before class, the teacher pulled him aside and told Virgil he was no different from any other student and would have to work with a partner. Virgil, determined to spite the teacher and anxious to seem like an “idiot” in front of Patton, would pretend to sleep the whole period.

“All your writing took was a quick grammar fix. The ideas were so good! I’m not just saying that to say that, they actually were! I could never think of something like that.” Patton reassured enthusiastically.

Virgil flushed a bright red. “I didn’t do much. Shakespeare is a lot easier to understand with audio.”

Patton listened to the audiobook of Macbeth that night. Virgil clearly wasn’t giving himself enough credit.

Virgil and Patton quickly grew close once the project was done. Virgil was still quiet, snappy, moody, and detrimentally insecure, but he began to open up more as the months went on. By senior year, Patton and Virgil was joined at the hip. Two peas in a pod.

Virgil had grown a lot since freshman year.

Being joined at the hip with Virgil meant that Patton got to understand Virgil by the simplest change in body language or expression. It also meant that Patton became aquatinted with anyone close to Virgil.

Patton already had a bad feeling while Virgil’s tone had shifted on the phone the night they were chatting about yearbook quotes. Remy sending Patton a text only confirmed the ball of dread in his stomach.

Rem: pat can we talk ?

Patton: You don’t even have to ask! Everything ok?

Rem: it’s about v

Rem: have you guys talked recently ? out of school

Patton: We talked last weekend. Over the phone. Why? Is Virgil fine??

Rem: idk. he came over to my house a couple nights ago at like 5 am. talked about some ghost shit.

Patton: He woke you up to talk about ghosts??(language!)

Rem: looking for affirmation that he wasn’t some obsessed ghost freak. i told him nah

Rem: but tbh he kinda is obsessed

Patton: He is passionate about his ghosts! But that’s not a bad thing.

Rem: v strongly disagrees. the whole thing about the yearbook and ghost quotes really messed with his head

Patton: I didn’t mean anything bad by it! It was just an idea! I promise! I’ll apologize to him!!!

Rem: wait no thats not what im saying. no one blames u

Rem: is he doing any ghost stuff anytime soon

Patton: Yep. He’s going to visit a castle!

Patton: Is that bad?

Rem: don’t you remember last time v became paranoid abt something? he pulled some real stupid stuff just to prove ppl wrong

Patton: Yeah. I know.

Patton: Gosh now I’m worried :(

Rem: i just dont want him doing anything he’ll regret on the trip. can u just…idk watch out for him pls ? ik v can take care of himself. but sometimes he gets into this headspace that’s self-destructive

Rem: tbh i dont like his ghost stuff as it is. i dont need him doing something dumb either

Patton: I understand Rem. That’s really sweet of you <3 <3

Patton: I’ll look out for him! I promise!!!! :-) :-)

Rem: ty. dont tell v abt this convo tho

Despite feeling uneasy about it, Patton understood Remy’s request to keep silent. Telling Virgil about their conversation would only push Virgil away and make him defensive. It’d be impossible to look out for him.

Virgil had already given Patton a way in. Patton had to talk to Logan for Virgil and get any supplies he might need. Patton loved visiting Logan in and of itself. Maybe Logan could help him out.

Logan’s business was located near small shops clustered along the beach. It was a hotspot for tourists, where knickknacks and souvenirs were sold and expensive attractions were advertised. Patton walked along here with Virgil sometimes, stopping at the arcade or mirror maze. Patton had met some of the most interesting people in the small touristy town.

Among the attractions was a dark blue shingled building with a pointy-roofed top. Painted letters on a wooden board spelt out “Afterlife Exposed.” Patton stepped through the door and a bell gently ringed, signaling his arrival.

At the sound of the bell, a tall, dark-haired man turned around. His navy suit blended in with the darkness of the shop. The man’s lean body was captivated beautifully in the suit. Patton quickly averted his eyes, blushing furiously.

“I have been expecting you-oh. Greetings, Patton. What a surprise.”

“Hi Logan!” Patton waved enthusiastically. “Who were you expecting?”

“No one. It’s a new rule Father has implemented. I must say it to every customer to ‘set the mood,’ as he calls it.” Logan dragged his hand over his face exasperatedly. “I find it quite ridiculous. But business shall be business.”

Logan’s father technically owned Afterlife Exposed. But he was always hidden in the back, gathering supplies or experimenting. Logan was currently studying entrepreneurship in college in order to take over the family business someday.

“How may I help you today, Patton?” Logan inquired, stepping around the counter to stand in front of him. He was even taller up close.

Patton filled Logan in about the New Prince Castle family murder and Virgil’s plan to investigate the castle for one of his ghost routines. Logan nodded politely the whole way through.

“I see. What an intriguing case. What exactly does he need from me?”

Patton shrugged cluelessly. “Anything you think might help, I guess.”

“What’s his budget?”

“A coffee and cake pop from Starbucks, if he uses his gift card.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “And he sent you to purchase something from here? Why, he couldn’t even afford a keychain.”

“Come on, Logan! He’s one of your most loyal customers and between us, he’s going through a rough patch. Can’t you help him out? Please?”

Logan massaged his temples and sighed. “Patton, it’s just not something the business can afford to do right now. My Father and I have been dealing with a sort of rough patch as well. You and Virgil have my sincerest apologies-truly, you do.”

Patton nodded dejectedly, “I understand.” Spotting Logan’s hesitant expression and tense form, he rested a hand on Logan’s shoulder and grinned. “Really, I do. I don’t blame you.”

Logan gave a small, tight-lipped smile in return. Gently shaking Patton’s hand off his shoulder, he clasped his hands together tightly. “Well, is there anything else I can do for you?”

“I’m not too sure.” Patton pursed his lips in thought. “Well, actually. I was wondering if you could tell me the dos and don’ts of ghost hunting. The yays and nays. The cats and dogs-actually no scratch that, both of those would be a yay.”

“With all due respect, Patton, I think Virgil has got that covered.” Logan reassured. “He must have asked me a dozen times prior to his first investigation.”

“Oh yeah, I know. It’s for me.” Patton corrected.

Logan raised an eyebrow in perplexion. Patton had never shown an interest in ghost hunting when Virgil wasn’t to be found.

Patton thought quickly. “I just want to understand more. For when I talk to Virgil. Sometimes I really don’t get half the explanations coming from the kiddo’s mouth.” It wasn’t a lie. “Just…how do you deal with ghosts?

“I see.” Logan clicked his tongue. “I’m sure Virgil could explain it to you more in depth. But, if you’re ever in doubt, chalk it up to one thing: respect. Is what you’re doing respecting the afterlife and their home? Are you portraying common courtesy? Treat them with the same respect as the living, if not more. There are exceptions, as with anything, but for the most part, that should keep you out of trouble with spirits.”

“Respect.” Patton repeated.

“You have strong morals, Patton. If you’re concerned about involvement with the afterlife due to your closeness with Virgil, I would not worry. Lack of respect is the last of your weaknesses.”

Logan pulled out his phone from the back of his pocket. “I apologize, I must return to my work. However, if you or Virgil have any more questions, feel free to give me a call.”

Patton gushed and thanked Logan, jotting down his number. Logan flushed a gentle red and held out his hand for a handshake.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Patton.”

Patton swatted Logan’s hand away and brought him in for a hug. “Thank you, Logan.”

Logan awkwardly pat Patton on the back before ungracefully untangling himself from the embrace. “I was only doing my job. Now, I understand it’s none of my business, but I recommend getting some rest. You look exhausted.”

“High school has permanently carved bags under my eyes.” Patton shook his head defeatedly.

Logan gave an amused smirk. “You sounded like Virgil.”

Patton beamed. “Like father, like son!”

Just as Patton was about to turn around to leave the store, something in the corner of the room glistened, catching his eye. “Hey Logan? Just one more thing?”

Logan hummed at him, encouraging Patton to continue.

He pointed to the object at the corner of the room. “How much can I get that for?”

 “Walkie-talkies. I sent you to Logan Berry, one of the smartest, most knowledgeable people about the afterlife in this town, and you come back with a Ghost Buster walkie-talkie.” Virgil grunted, dangling the toy by its antennae.

“You can have the Casper the Ghost one instead.”

“What? No! Ghost Busters is better, anyway.” Virgil groaned. “That’s not the point. How about advice? Did Logan say anything?”

“Just to respect the ghosts. Have common courtesy. Which you better be doing anyway, even without Logan telling you to do so.”

Virgil threw his hands up in exasperation and fell down into his sofa as the cushions engulfed the skinny man. “Obviously I respect them! The last thing I need is coming home possessed and cursed! He knows I know that. That’s really all he said?”

“Besides giving us his number.” Patton confirmed. “Which I already gave you.”

Virgil grumbled. “Whatever. One day I’ll get enough money to- wait. The walkie-talkies. There’s no way you could have bought them with my money, I would not have had enough. Please don’t tell me…”

Virgil got a glance of Patton’s sheepish look and groaned. “Patton, we have a rule! No buying each other anything!” He buried his head in his hands. “I can’t pay you back. You know that.”

“Hey…” Patton took a seat next to Virgil and laid a comforting hand on his knee. “It’s okay. They weren’t expensive. You don’t have to pay me back.”

Virgil looked at Patton in between his fingers. His voice was muffled against his palms. “You know how I feel about that, Pat.”

“Virgil, come on.” Patton pleaded.

Virgil shook his head. “Thank you. But, you need to return them.”

Guilty silence settled among the two, but neither made a move to leave. Both were lost in their own worlds when an idea struck Patton.

He nudged Virgil. “I know a way for you to pay me back without money.” At Virgil’s unimpressed look, he protested, “Seriously! It would mean a lot more to me than whatever these walkie-talkies cost.”

“Yea?” Virgil lifted his head from his hands. “What is it?”

Patton stared at Virgil’s stormy eyes as his heart pounded. In all honesty, this was the last thing Patton wanted to do. He was terrified. But, he thought back to the conversation he had with Remy, and the last time Virgil did something senseless unsupervised due to paranoia. “I want to go ghost hunting with you. At the New Prince Castle.”

Virgil’s jaw dropped. His eyes darted around Patton’s face before he shook his head and gave a weak chuckle. “Sure, Pat. Whatever you say.”

“No, I’m serious!” Patton insisted. “I’ll respect the ghosts and do whatever you tell me to do!”

Virgil was dismissing Patton before he could finish his sentence. “No, no, no. You hate ghost stories, Pat! Especially ones that are spooky and gruesome. You’d hate ghost-hutning. It’s dark and there’s lots of weird noises and tons of spiders. No way. I’m not adding more guilt to my conscience.”

Virgil made a move to get up from the sofa, but Patton refused to let the conversation drop. He grabbed Virgil’s hand and pulled him back to the seat. Virgil landed with a clumsy thump.  

“Kiddo, I know I hate all those things. I’m sure I’ll be scared. But, you’ll be there too! I love you more than I hate all those things combined.”

“Patton, we can do something else together. Go to the movies. Or bowling. Normal teen stuff.” Virgil reasoned.

Patton retorted, “But ghost hunting is important to you.”

“It’s not that important. It’s a simple hobby. I don’t care that much about it.” Virgil cut off.

“I know, I know!” Patton quickly backtracked. “What I meant was that ghost-hunting has been a cool way for us to bond. It intrigues you-a perfectly normal amount-and I like seeing you happy! Just like you go walking with me along the shops by the beach even though it’s super crowded and you hate it.”

“Patton, what’s your point?” Virgil grilled.

“My point is I want to try this thing that you enjoy with you. Just like you try things for me. It’s senior year, Virgil. No one hates thinking about it more than me, but we don’t know what things are going to be like after high school. I want to find a husband, start a family. Maybe study veterinary science. You could have a publisher for your writing, become a famous author, and move. I want to do this with you. I want to get over my fear.”

Patton stared at Virgil hopefully and held out his hand. “What do you say? One more big adventure for the dynamic duo?”

Virgil stared at Patton, looked down and roughly shook his head, froze, then stared at Patton once more. Virgil’s foot rapidly tapped against the floor, creating a dizzy, distracting melody. Finally, Virgil pulled his hair and glared at Patton. “You’ll be careful?”

Patton nodded eagerly.

“And you’ll stick with me no matter what? At all times? I want you in my sight.”

Virgil dramatically groaned, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. “I guess you can come.”

Patton shot up from his seat, whooping with joy and hopping around the sofa. “Thank you, Virgil! Thank you! We’re going to have such a great time!”

Virgil peeked one eye open and gave a soft grin. “Yeah, I guess we are. You’re sure you wanna do this?”

“Never been more sure of anything in my life besides my love for you and cats! I pinkie swear it.”

Patton and Virgil intertwined pinkies before Patton winked and let go, embracing Virgil.

“Let your moms know you’re going to be gone for the weekend.” Virgil smirked. “We have a haunted castle to explore.”