#people drive fucking INSANE after covid dude

[meatsound]

did not realize how bad my anxiety was until i saw a woman talking about PPA and saying she wouldnt drive near any lake bc what if she crashed and drowned. and i was like. you dont naturally avoid that...😬

[valenhell]

From the studio that brought you “I can’t find good Byler fics in the ao3 tag”, comes:

"The Definitive Byler fic rec list"

Literally no one asked for this but because I spent the majority of last year (...and 2019, and 2018...) reading byler fics and coping with life, I thought I’d make a list of some of my absolute favorites. 

The other day I was basically starving for some byler fics and the angel @magicalfairy provided me with some of her faves so I thought I’d do the same, because I love reading, and I love all of these fics and I appreciate their writers💗 And fic writers in general, come on!

- This is a mix of long works and one-shots/short stories. - Everything is mostly fluff with a tad of angst and a lot of internalized homophobia conflict.  - Every fic is completed, except for the ones I mention that they are not. - I try my best to lay out the stories in a way that I won’t spoil you the plot but also warning you of some stuff you might don’t like. Either way, all of these fics are correctly tagged by their respective authors/owners, so read at your own risk. For better understanding, in between brackets I denote Rating, Words and quantity of Chapters. - I feel like I should clarify, none of these are narrated in the singular first person. None of that “And I told him...”, no. 

Long fics

a dream always the same (T, 99k, 35 chapters) What happened in those few weeks between the Battle of Starcourt and the Byers leaving Hawkins. Literally a satisfying and very needed fill in of season three, with a good dose of Mike’s thoughts and conflict. Mike’s characterization is specially amazing in this one. The writing style is amazing and I know the author put everything into making it historically accurate, and it was really sweet. You probably read it, it’s by the amazing sevensided here on Tumblr🧡

Spring Break (T, 120k, 14/15 chapters) The slowburn of my dreams. Lots of internalized conflict and conflict with each other. Conflict within the Party (uhh kind of), conflict with Mike and Will. Byers family has moved and the kids are visiting! Chaos. Characterization is on point. Yeah, I know it’s unfinished, but the fourteenth chapter actually serves as a pretty nice ending. 

This is where it starts (M, 148.8k, 24 chapters) Aged up characters. The Party is in college and Will disappears again, but now it’s different. Mike knows he didn’t vanish from thin air, and the discovery he and the Party end up making is pretty insane. Mystery solving/fantasy/third dimension, throw in a bit of D&D and Mike realizing some shit, and you get this marvelous fic. It’s a breath of fresh air. The world building is definitely one of the elements that stands out the most, because it’s very nicely described, it sounds like a dream and it’s completely immersive. Absolute gem of a fic. 

there’s a Starman waiting in the sky (M, 30.6k, 8 chapters) Do I need to say anything? Will is out there living his best life and Mike realizes that wow, umm, maybe his best friend looks a bit too nice with that costume... and wait, is he getting horny? It’s actually really fun and sexy.

The Evening Speaks (T, 23k, 7 chapters) In where Mike is a late-night college radio host and Will is the art student that stays up till late to catch up with Wheeler on the Mic. They flirt through songs y’all, this one is really sweet. 

heads or tails? (E, 24k, 3 chapters) Aged up characters. I know most people don’t enjoy sex in fics and with specific characters but this one is insanely well written. It’s a slowburn that commits to the tension and with every word you are grasping and anticipating their next move. I think you can find the author here on Tumblr as yousaidyes🧡

The Man of Average (M, 56.7k, 5/? chapters) Aged up characters. No but you don’t understand, the writing here is absolute gourmet. The story is exciting as well, it’s super interesting. Weirdly enough, for being very aged up characters, they are well characterized but they don’t feel like teenagers. They are naturally Mike and Will. The author really captured Mike and Will’s essence. I know, it’s unfinished and it’s updated very rarely, but this is the typical fic you can’t believe someone just posted on the internet for free. I will say though, I think it’s definitely not for everyone. Read at your own risk.

Heartstrings (E, 82.8k, 24/? chapters) Aged up characters. By the same author of The Man of Average. A collection of memories, the road to Mike and Will’s happy ever after. And fucking hell!!!!! You’ll cry and get angry, you’ll cheer for them, then you’ll want to crash their faces together because god dammit you love each other!!! But yeah, same thing here. The writing and the way the story is laid out as a nonlinear narrative is brilliant. And I also think this is one of the best Will versions I’ve read. The author might as well be the og creator of this two characters tbh. You can find the author here as mylesimeblr🧡

Sinners behind the walls (T, 1.5k, 1/1) And because I can’t stop recommending this author, a little thing of Mike tormenting himself but also being too deeply committed to Will. 

The Red Envelope series (T/E, 167K, two completed works) Something happens that Will thought was impossible and from there, pure drama and romance. Anything by this author has the potential to become your absolute favorite fic, but this series in particular is amazing. I doubt that any of you haven’t read this, but it doesn’t hurt to put it in this list. I’m pretty sure the author is serendipitous-magic on Tumblr🧡

A New Fight series (T, 91k, two completed works, one WIP) And finally the Star Wars AU that we all needed. But this isn’t your typical “Mike is Han”, “Will is Leia” and “El is Luke”, it’s way more interesting than that, and the author has appropriated the Star Wars world like no other. I’ll admit I’m not a 100% fluent in SW lore but this is amazing to me either way. This author is also on Tumblr, tea-for-one-please🧡

- Yes, most of these are (if not all), in a way, canon compliant/canonverse/canon continuation into fanon. (In a way)

One-shots and short stories

Sundae for Two, Please (G, 4.8k) Steve being the supportive friend and older brother these kids collectively need. (not Jonathan erasure, we love him). Steve is very sweet himself, and this little cute thing through his POV is gorgeous. Yes, it’s byler.

Backstage (T, 10k, 2/2) Jonathan, you forgot to mention to Will how hot your new band’s guitarist is, dude. Now he’s hyperventilating and weirdly flirting with him in the corner. Background Stonathan because why not.

102 Peach Street (G, 3.8k) Established relationship, but not only that, they are married :’’))) PURE fluff. Extreme fluffiness. Diabetes. 

sweatshirts and bottled up feelings (T, 3.2k) Or, Mike thinks that the sweatshirt Will wears looks insanely good on him. And kitchens are for lovers. 

kiss it better (T, 16.3k) Basically one of the best character studies of a few precise moments of Mike and Will’s relationship and feelings. 

will wonders ever cease (T, 11.3k) #i ship will and happiness. Omfg what a beautiful piece of fanfic. Will centric, this kid really deserves all the good in the world.

The Calm After the Storm (T, 1.6k) Tooth rotting fluff, boyfriends in love. Boyfriends being lazy, cuddling, love words, kisses. Boys loving each other’s company... Basically, Mike and Will in their element. What more can you ask for?

neither of us ready to let go (T, 4.8k) That scene from season three, but a bit of a fix it. 

Still in love (G, 1k) Domestic, married life au fluff. Y’all, I’m a sucker for established Byler, even if I can’t find many fics with it. But this is very sweet. It takes place in 2020, but I don’t think there are any mentions of the COVID-19 crisis that I remember.

I Nver Find Out ‘Til I’m Head Over Heels (G, 12.5K) Classic 5+1 fic. If you haven’t read it, where have you been? This is your moment. In where Mike keeps inviting Will to the school dances and Will thinks it’s just a joke until he realizes it’s not. 

Before You’re Gone (T, 5.9k) Will is leaving Hawkins and Mike thinks this is a great moment for a confession. This one I discovered last friday, thank you friend @magicalfairy 💗

You’re weird Wheeler (M, 4.5k) Mike unintentionally starts a tradition of going to each other to talk about their sexual encounters just after they finish. Will keeps getting more explicit with the details he shares, and he makes his best friend interested. This one is really fun y’all.

Out-Of-Town Friends (N/R, 4.6K) It’s not rated. I haven’t re- read it but I’d say it would probably fall in a T rating. So cute!! Will has new friends and sneaks off every friday and the Party doesn’t know where he is going, so Mike decides to follow him and is surprised. 

Snowed Under (G, 1.3k) By the same author of The New Fight series. Mike is spending christmas by himself in college because a snowstorm hits Chicago and Nancy can’t drive to see him, but then he has a surprise visitor. Ahhh just a lil sweet holiday fic. Super cute. 

you love me anyway series (T, 7.1k, three completed works) Literally just the cutest thing ever. Established Byler. Will loves to take pictures and he loves taking pictures of Mike. It’s adorable. 

you wanna be friends forever (i can think of something better) (T, 9k) This one is so amazing. So. Amazing. From Will’s POV, my kid deserves the world and he gets it. 

okay not to be okay (T, 4.9k) Mike is a bit sad but then everything is okay. 

can’t hold out forever (G, 18.4k) Y’all!!!!! 5+1 sweetness. Mike has been falling in love since kindergarten. And it’s long af, you’ll enjoy it. 

even if it takes forever (G, 1.3k) College short AU, they miss each other, they love each other, they promise all to each other. It is sappy y’all.

clear as day (N/R, 18.4K, 4 chapters) It’s not rated, but I’d say it falls in the T category. Strangers to friends to lovers. And also, everyone is pretty gay; we have our dynamic trio Mike, Max and El as disaster lesbians (and gay). Will works at the library and he is also gay. Lucas and Dustin and Will are the best friends we needed. It’s very sweet and the Party is kind of formed here!

I went overboard with the one-shots, so you must have realized how much I love long one-shots and I favor them over long works lmao but they are all amazing!!! If it’s on this list, I probably read it at 2 am, sobbing in my bed. So. Hope you enjoy it☺️🧡

[blueonwrestling]

Jon Moxley had a great interview with alot of detail about AEW dealing with covid, his wwe exit and a few other things, someone on reddit wrote a great write up of it, and heres a direct link to it just so i can give credit, but heres the lot of it.

Past few days have been hectic at the Moxley household, Renee has been doing a photoshoot for her cookbook, there's food all over in the house, Moxley doing 5-6 trips to the supermarket and messaging Renee "What is a shallot?"

First two months of 2020 has been insane in terms of travelling going from Sapporo, Memphis, Cleveland, Osaka & Texas

2020 before the pandemic was gonna be insane with Dynamite every Wednesday, going to Europe (Yes AEW/UK Tour), Japan, Indie Shows, opponents outside of AEW & bringing the belt everywhere

Originally his contract with WWE was suppose to end in September 2018 but WWE added more months due to his injury which coincidently 3 weeks before Double or Nothing that's literally in Las Vegas where he currently resides

Tony Khan & Cody came to his house laying out the details of AEW (TNT/Booking) and was onboard for the ride

Currently has no deal with Japan, he originally had a deal set in place from June till WrestleKingdom (Original Plan for WK beat up Juice, young boy from the New Japan Dojo, out comes Karl Anderson stun guns Moxley) & was for that specific run. The situation now is a verbal deal they know he can't work Wednesdays due to Dynamite but when he is available in terms of scheduling he'll be down to wrestle in Japan

Actually wanted to do some work for New Japan, Rocky Romero called him up and was onboard

As talks progressed with New Japan, Rocky suggested "how about G-1? that would be sick", initially wasn't gonna do it, as the conversation ended 10 minutes later was down to do it

Prior to G-1 he wasn't in the best shape after he left WWE (only been wrestling 6-man tag team matches or 4minute matches), knowing that he'll be wrestling 20-30mins matches in Japan he called Gil Guardado (Strength & Conditioning Coach from Xtreme Couture) in preparation for the G-1 tournament he was put on a full Pro-MMA Fight Camp schedule 5 days a week, sometimes twice a day which later become beneficial when he wrestled Tomohiro Ishii

Last few months of WWE when it was public knowledge he was gonna leave, he was waiting for something bad to happen like a burial but that never happened and WWE gave him a sending off

Was initially worried if fans were gonna cheer or boo because of being in WWE for a long time

Has so much gratitude for the people that chanted MOX on that night of Double or Nothing

New Japan's vignette of Moxley was a stunt double, name death-rider came from the jacket that was found from goodwill

Covid/Renee Situation - apparently someone from Orlando had Covid, everyone got tested, came back negative, She flew back home, after 5-6 days se wasn't feeling the very best, couldn't get out of bed, eventually got the test, had people come over to their house to get the test via Insurance (Ready Responders), already pulled out of Dynamite taping in advance if anything happens, 36 hours later about 11pm-12am as they were about to go to bed, they received an email (Mox was negative & Renee positive), during the quarantine Mox slept on the couch during the time while she recovered and was fine afterwards

Moxley: "They've got a kajilion dollars and they couldn't afford a couple of tests?"

Had to pull out from another taping (Fyter Fest) due to the positive result from Renee but Taz made him feel better with the Sloppy Shop Line

His AEW Champion run feels meaningful from breaking out of the prison to the winning the championship, His WWE Championship run felt like an 'Emergency Situation' (Roman Reigns Wellness Policy), they needed someone to carry the company during the summertime mainevent Sumo Hall & MSG but felt hollow

While WWE champion he didn't get a new T-Shirt, was talking to the merchandise people, they were re-making shirts with different colours, "Why isn't there any new T-shirts?" says Mox, merchandise people reply "Dude we've sent 25 different designs to Hunter and he just keeps rejecting them all", "I'm freaking WWE champion give me a fucking t-shirt!"

Still hates scripted promos (the one thing he hated during his time in WWE, having writers write stuff for him), a runsheet/format for AEW would be 'Jon Moxley Promo 2 Minutes' not 48 pages

Moxley: Nothing is gonna change until one person is gone (VKM), has watched some of WWE during the pandemic and is kind of relieved he isn't still there "could you have imagine if it would be any good?"

Moxley thinks the thunderdome looked like zoom call and reminded him something from a particular part from the book 'Fahrenheit 451'

Moxley "I want WWE to be awesome but when they suck it pisses me off, they're the number 1 brand of wrestling to watch, they represent the sport and when there product is embarrassing to watch it makes all wrestling look bad, driving away fans from the sport that could be WWE/AEW fans"

First three opponents were random Hager (done in two hours), Brodie came out of no-where (originally was to have an opponent for Double or Nothing - wasn't disclosed who) and Brian Cage

Meltzer/Moxley agreed that Stadium Stampede was awesome, super entertaining and fun during a time when people were feeling miserable in a pandemic this was need to cheer people up

Meltzer/Garret talk NXT unopposed show's ratings, why didn't the female demographic increase while the male demographic increased? Moxley replies two words Jungle Boy

Moxley asks for Dave's opinion with the current situation WWE's ratings going down "If things don't change (VKM/booking/stories) is it possible AEW could overtake WWE as the most watched show in five years?" Dave believes short term AEW could beat Smackdown's 18-49 demographics (but not viewers) if they moved to Friday and prove to be more valuable to FOX, If WWE continue to go down this same route, the numbers will decrease whilst AEW's will increase, WWE will have to make changes quicker inside of five years

[yyxgin]

as quick as love alarm was progressing compared to other dramas i’ve seen (usually wait ten eps for the first kiss and that’s it) it still seemed,, idk important for the story? n e way.

meteor garden is insanely messy like in the final episode daoming si just mentions everything dong shancai did that makes her so amazing and i honestly forgot they even did some of their things 😳 at one point they went to london and filmed in china town and i was just like ‘oh. i know that place’ and didn’t clock after that 😭

I GOT PEN ON THE BACK OF IT IM SO MAD AT MYSELF ✋✋✋✋✋ but come find me anyway lmao i got a changbin & minho film strip 🤪 can’t have anything nice around here and i learned my lesson the hard way.

i went through a phase when whenever i watched english tv i was like ‘why does this make sense without subs..’ and would be like squinting at the screen until it occurred to me that it was in english.

oh bruh i remember making a bank account the second summer bc my employer was like why tf do you not have a bank account ,, yeesh people had been paying by card for meals and stuff and not cash like the year before. so i made one and then she paid me in cash bc people started paying w cash 😐😑😐😑 i waitress so even though i get anxious about other things, i’m comfortable about waitressing so i am super nice to everyone. i am the designated person who orders for everyone (as long as you point at what you want in case i can’t remember everything i will say it). i know how important it is to be articulated to your server bc if they f up you get mad and they get mad bc ur mad and the chef gets mad bc the server f-ed up and the chef has to cook again and it’s a never ending circle of wishing you’d just gone somewhere else and i hate that. i also get mad at my fam when we go out bc the last time we went out (literally like two years ago now bc covid) there was a guy serving at this place we’re fairly frequent at and i was like maybe he’s training don’t be so mad at him for forgetting things just gently remind him! don’t cuss him out behind his back! there’s so much pressure about not pissing off your colleagues bc there’s a groove they’ve got and you’re just there not wanting to ruin it whilst also meeting customers needs!!

ive been waiting to pass my drivers test for over a year now bc covid has pushed it back and back and back again 😐 i finally get my next test date and i have to ask a different instructor for their car bc my instructor is on annual leave when my test is scheduled. i’m holding it together so i can ask an instructor, buy a car and yeet. the bus is okay but i need my own space sometimes.

i am good w my money im the jungkook of the working class. if there are pots and pans on the go i will take them. free food? count me in. i do have that broke b*tch mindset. although i don’t buy $300 white tshirts i will spend $200 on a day out 😃 and sis,, buy whichever one you like bc of the concept!! it’s always fun seeing the posters (personally i don’t put them up bc how am i gonna have sir johnny suh STARING at me while i get changed,, no THANK YOU) i’ll cry if i ever pull a yuta card bc he looks ✨spicy✨ in all of them.

i think i get what you’re saying about gg’s! boy groups have a wider range. eg, haechan hits those high notes and jeno/mark rap/sing quite low but girl groups can’t. unfortunately i feel like they rely on visuals heavier bc they don’t have the same range bg’s do. itzy are good!! i personally haven’t listen to a lot/watched a lot of their mv’s. i’m more into red velvet for their mv’s. im terrible at watching content so i am slowly working through bts’ content, monsta x’s content and ocassionally nct’s content. im gonna work on mamamoo next 🤞fake fans unite 😔✊✨

it’s so easy to feel invisible here. don’t worry. i’m here to brighten your day! much like a sunflower ~ 🌻

I cant really speak about the importance of the kiss in love alarm since i didnt watch more than the first ep, but i will trust you if you really say so ?? 😳 I WANNA WATCH METEOR GARDEN JUST FOR THE DRAMA DHSNSK

dude dont fucking test me i WILL find your address and i WILL visit you in your sleep and steal all your kpop stuff. MINHO FILM STRIP ??????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

i still watch english things w eng subtitles sometimes bc my first language isn't english so just in case i dont hear something i can always read it you know djsksk

this is my first job so i didnt have to have bank account before but now that i have it i feel very adult😩✋i am so old. i dont like it.

oh no i hate people that arent polite to waitresses like they are just doing their job and its so hard and stressful and i dont want to make their life harder so im just really anxious abt everything in my life ever.

i'm rooting for you on your driving test !! lets hope you make it after such a long time <3

JUNGKOOK OF THE WORKING CLASS NO- thats actually me. also free samples. give me all of them. also i think its completely justified to spend so much on a night out since its for the memories !! #yolo am i right

I AM SO TEMPTED TO ORDER THE ALBUM NOW 😭💔😭 i actually have my posters on my closet and i change inside the actual closet at all times bc me and my brother share a room, so no one's looking at me thankfully haha. well, i do have bts pics on the warderobe next to my bed as well so they watch me sleep every night but we dont talk about that. YUTA CARD i would cry. he for sure does look spicy half the time of his life.

i dont know that many rv songs (the audacity, i know) but seulgi... ah. i watched the sm new years concert and when she appeared i couldnt keep my eyes off her. i should really listen to more of their songs so if u have any recs i am all ears

thank you for brightening up my day sunflower ily mwah😔❤

[zenruption]

Seattle’s Smokey Brights: The Only Band in the Building

by: The World’s Luckiest Music Lover, Brian Mckay

Over the Treefort weekend, I had the pleasure to meet and watch the Smokey Brights on more than one occasion. This is a band that is more than just a simple concert review. They are worthy of their story and what lies ahead being known. That story that is represented in their songs and stage presence. It is a band I intend to follow and anxiously await their upcoming album. Judging from the crowd’s response, I am not alone in this assessment.

Fronted by Ryan Devlin (guitar and vocals) and Kim West (keys and vocals) and accompanied by Nick Krivchenia (drums) and Luke Logan (bass). The band’s story is compelling. As a couple, Ryan and Kim bring their synergy and strong love to the stage in both their harmonies and stage interaction.

The band was officially born out of necessity, due to some very underfunded bank accounts, insufficient for gift giving, going into the Christmas season as a couple. The incredibly talented Nick, came along via Ohio from a family of musicians. Grooving away Luke, is via Alaska with a background of singing folk songs with his family and is a great third for an always perfect harmony.

You can see a slight punk, influence pulled into a signature Seattle sound with, what can only be described, as their own genre. While comfortably in the alt rock category, it’s obvious that Smokey Brights will take whatever they feel or find interesting and make something new and totally their own out of it.

Again, it is the experiences that shape this band and probably my best candidate to interlace a review, pictures, video, and an interview all mixed together. Considering their amazing mixture, I hope they like it.

Interview conducted Saturday, September 25th at Neurolux

So el Korah tonight is so retro cool that it’s awesome. The sound is really good and the time you play is kind of after main stage…

Kim: Dude, I’m stoked.

Ryan: I feel really honored we got moved to that slot. Eric (a Treefort founder) was out at the Neurolux show about a month ago and we were going to play Humpin’ Hannah’s at 10 and that ended up not working out as a venue for Treefort so they bumped us over to el Korah, which is a bigger room, great slot and I am just swelling with gratitude that he trusts us enough to put us in that spot.

 Indeed, el Korah ended up being the perfect spot for Smokey Brights to play. Having had the honor of playing the first concert at the Record Exchange in 18 months on Thursday, a 9.30 pm slot at el Korah on a Saturday turned out to be an absolute perfect fit.

For a Treefort with smaller crowds due to COVID, the room was the busiest I had seen it during Treefort. The first thing you notice of Smokey Brights is an energetic, open crowd that immediately jumps in with both feet. Check it out:

 So, I’ve always gotta ask, what do you think of Boise?

Kim: We love Boise. Big fans. Big Fans!

Nick: Boise loves us back.

Ryan: Boise is a live music town with venues and great people and a great history of bands and we can drive to it from Seattle, which makes it Valhalla for a West Coast musician. It’s amazing.

Boise showed Smokey Brights its love at both the el Korah and Hideout stage performances. Dancing was common, as was extensive cheering. The one time that I heard the crowd just singing along with the band at Treefort was the Hideout crowd singing to the I Love You but Damn chorus as the band closed out the set. Our photographer, Greg, said, “I don’t really know the song but feel compelled to sing along.”

Smokey Brights brought their amazing energy and Boise responded, “We love it!”

 On your song, I Love You but Damn, I think, wasn’t it that song you mention Reno and then it also looks like you’re going to Reno soon..

Ryan: In less than a week we’ll be in Reno.

So, can I assume you kind of like Reno too?

Ryan and Kim: We do like Reno. (with laughs from Nick and Luke)

Ryan: Reno is like scrappy. I grew up in Seattle and Tacoma and like my friend that grew up in Tacoma with me, he’s always like, “Reno is just Tacoma with gambling.” And that is what it feels like to me. There’s kind of a blue collarness to it. Kind of a punk rock fuck it attitude, but it’s also like their working hard to make it cooland kind of a good hang place.

Kim: It’s like the dirtier, more scrappy version of Vegas.

Ryan: I want to hang out in Brooklyn, not Manhattan or Oakland and not San Francisco and I want to hang out in…

Kim and Ryan in unison: Reno and not Vegas.

 This is a great way to define Smokey Brights. Everyone’s band with an affinity for all the punks that have come and gone. Ryan’s punk past is alive in every show and strongly influences his amazing talents on the guitar.

If you are in Reno for the Offbeat Music Festival on Friday, October 1st, check them out at 7pm. Having once lived in Reno, they fit the place so well and will light it up. After watching much of the Freakout Records lineup on Sunday, I’m thinking that watching Smokey Brights and the rest of the bands on November 11 in Seattle could be amazing.

So, what have you guys mostly been up to during COVID?

Ryan: Writing.

Luke: Staying busy. Writing, Rehearsing. You couldn’t get in front of crowds but we could be with each other so we kept working looking forward to the time we could put on a good show.

 You’ll notice that most of the bands here have albums coming out. In fact, a couple came out this weekend. A lot of people, like, they wrote a lot during the pandemic but their whole tone was impacted by it. Esme Patterson last night, who is amazing, really had some songs that reflected a lot of loneliness and were written during the pandemic. How do you guys think it impacted your writing for the next album?

Kim: It definitely impacted our writing.

Ryan: For this record, which is not out yet… and I tease it too much because it could be another year but like, even when we’re not writing about the sensation of going through this diminished life, I feel like that tonality pokes through. We’ve got a song, it might be called, I’m Not Through this Yet. Kim sings it and like the first lines are “I’m not through this yet, can I learn to love this mess, can I reassemble myself from the parts that I have left”. And like, every time Kim sings that, that feels like the state that a lot of us are in right now.

 I really love the song 72. That is spectacular.

Kim: Thank you.

I also love, I Love You but Damn, was amazing and what was it, Save Us Sarah was spectacular.

Ryan: Right on! There’s three songs you can get into.

So, Unity…

Kim: That’s coming out in October.

So, tell me about that one.

Kim: So, Unity and Honey Eye are two songs we recorded. They are coming out October 29th. And they are two songs we recorded during I Love You but Damn, and they didn’t quite fit on that record but they fit really well together and so we just sort of held on to them and decided to release them this fall, which feels like a really good moment for them. They are really about kind of just working together and giving a shit. You Know. And the chorus of Honey Eye is “I wanna rock the world with you, before it splits in two, don’t know what else to do”. That’s kind of a thesis statement for, I feel like, doing anything right now intentionally. Who knows what the hell the future holds because as we have all seen with the traumatic events we have lived through the last 20 years, nothing’s guaranteed.  It’s been insane, all you can do is do as good as you can and be as intentional as you can and be as kind as you can and give a shit while there’s still shits to give.

  Smokey Brights are the embodiment of a band that gives a shit. You can sense the caring for each other and the cohesion of the group as a whole. Most importantly, they give a shit about their crowds and no show will ever be neglected, no crowd will ever leave less than completely fulfilled.

 I Love You but Damn, was obviously kind of your tour song.

Everyone: yeah, yeah

Like, did you guys all kind of write that together?

Ryan: I mean, Kim and I co-write lyrically everything to the point where when we get done with a record, it’d be very difficult to use a highlighter pen and say who did this one.

Kim: And the songs are definitely like, it’s the unit that makes the song a song and the arrangements and…

Nick: Production wise, we came into the studio not knowing what were going to play really besides the chordal structure.

Ryan: Well, we knew the cords and the melody.

Nick: Andy the producer kind of like plugged in a drum beat and said, “Okay, play to this”.

 So, was that right after tour because it kind of reflects that weariness and loneliness?

Ryan: I mean, that one is specifically, that one’s kind of coming from my point of view. It’s talking about the first couple months when Kim and I started dating. How many years ago? 13?

Kim: Yep

Ryan: 13 years ago. And I was touring in punk bands and I was on tour in a van 3 out of the first 6 months we were dating. You know. We would be on again, off again. I’d come back into town and things would be good and then go back on tour and we’d break up and it was just like, we are touring in an old junky Dodge van that would break down too. And just like coming to some realizations that I might be in love with this person I might need to treat myself better. I might need to think of my life in a different way.

That’s a big chunk of romantic love is recognizing that someone cares about you. You should probably keep yourself in okay condition too.

 I Love You but Damn closed out the Hideout set for Smokey Brights and closed out their Treefort. Watch the fans and you’ll see why they need to become a Treefort staple and Boise regulars.

   So you’ve been together since about ’13?

Kim: So we started… I guess the vague conception of Smokey Brights began about 2011, which was when we recorded a demo in our original bassist’s mom’s house in Olympia. We put out our first recorded a couple years later in 2014. I would say it was kind of 2016 when Luke joined the band and we just got really intentional that this is what we want to do. This is what we want to be when we grow up. And we want to tour and we want to play live and we made our minds up for that to happen.

I really feel like, you know, Smokey Brights has been a band in the sense we are now since 2016.

 Okay last question. Do you think that Seattle needs to bring back the Sonics?

Everyone: Yes!

Ryan: Bring our Sonics back!

 About the title: So why are Smokey Brights the only band in the building? Watch the crowd. When they are playing, that crowd might even think they are the only band in the world.

I loved meeting them, look forward to more shows, and couldn’t recommend catching this band more.

Look out for their two new songs, Unity and Honey Eye, on October 29th and a new album, umm well, sometime.

Thank you Smokey Brights for helping make Treefort the best festival anywhere.

[engagedtobefree]

So since my brain has been like, "hey, let's think about this incessantly until it makes you cry" (which I did end up doing), I think I should get out all of my thoughts to sort them out cohesively to help me.

Scott, after over 7 months of no contact, reached out to me, but it's more than that. The man has been opening up to me and letting me in and has even been saying sweet things to me. And he wants to come over. My brain is like, "Are these...red flags?" and I honestly don't know. I don't feel any gut instinct that they are, but when my brain spins in circles and overthinks, I second-guess literally everything.

Scott and I have always had a connection from day 1, despite the fact that he's married. It never failed to be a confusing situation. I never posted about it on here, but in the 4-5 months before covid hit, our relationship really started to turn into something more than ever before. Scott had stopped ignoring me like he used to and he started even approaching me for conversation, something that never failed to surprise me. I caught him a few times staring at me adoringly and then had to watch as his face turned back into that stone neutrality as he tried to hide it. He did start to open up a little more to me, and would even bring up his daughter here and there. I always caught him watching me, even when other people were around. It was not like Scott to be so careless like that. When I'd come in his office, he would turn to me and watch me walk in. I took all of this, and even more, in and it made me feel really hopeful. Then covid hit and fucked it all up.

Now Scott is back in my life, and while I haven't gotten to see him yet, I'm ecstatic about it nonetheless. But I can't shut off my brain. I don't know what he truly wants. He told me he's separated and that it's been a long time coming, but it still gives me a little pang of anxiety that the word "divorce" wasn't in there. Also, he keeps saying he could come over and then maybe we could go out. Maybe we could go out. I could be reading into it too much, but why is the going out part only a maybe? And what are his intentions with coming over? Just to see me and catch up? Does he want to see if we still have that connection? Does he plan on asking me out in-person? Does he only want to come over in the hopes for sex? My brain won't shut the fuck up and it's driving me insane. What if he just wants sex, what then? Could I tell this man no, the only man I have had eyes for for the past 3 1/2 years, the man who has been the only one to crack my heart open in such a revolutionary and beautiful way? Would I have the strength to stop him and ask what his intentions are and what he is looking for? Is his opening up to me now a continuation from where we left off and/or him really missing me, or is it just a ploy to get me into bed? So far he hasn't said anything sexual to me over the phone, hasn't even commented on my appearance, so why am I so worried? I've never before worried about Scott only wanting one thing and I could always tell he had feelings for me that he couldn't follow-through on because he was married. So why is it now that my brain wants to throw these big what ifs at me? I have no evidence whatsoever for worrying, and it's not even some sort of gut feeling that I have; it's just my brain won't stop spinning in circles. I hate it.

So far I've talked to Scott Friday night and last night, and he might even call me again tonight. Last night we only talked for 20 minutes because it was so late and he told me to get to bed. He had texted me hours earlier to let me know he was still with his friend. He hasn't given me any reason to doubt him or not trust him. I don't know where this fear of mine is coming from. The only thing I can think of is that it's past trauma. My one ex had come back to me 6 months after we broke up only to tell me it was a mistake, among many other awful things he said to me. A guy I had dated when I first started working at my job ended things then came back, only to change his mind and tell me that he didn't want me. Two of my boyfriends only used me for sex and one of them was sexually and emotionally abusive. I have had horrible things said about my body by men that it only causes me shame and guilt when I think about undressing in front of someone again. Even dudes who I haven't dated or slept with seem to think they're entitled to comment on my body. I haven't even slept with that many people, and yet I feel like I've experienced a significant amount of trauma just from the few partners I have had.

I have to keep reminding myself that Scott isn't any of them, and that the connection I share with Scott I didn't have with any of them, and in the end, none of them were worth being with. They weren't for me and honestly I am so lucky for that. They weren't men I'd want to marry or spend my life with. They weren't men who I loved. They were men that broke me in the worst ways and then pretty much told me or showed me in some way that I was worthless.

I've done a lot of healing these past months in regards to many things, but this is something I haven't tackled yet, and now that Scott is back, I don't want these past traumas to fuck up something with someone who means so much to me. And now sitting here writing all of this, I'm crying again, but I think I know now my fears don't stem from Scott or anything he's saying or doing, but rather they stem from shitty ass men who I have been nothing but better off without.

I'm still working on healing many things, but I guess this is the next thing that needs to be tackled. Especially if I want to fully open myself up to Scott and to something that could be the greatest relationship I've ever had.

I'm just so tired. Please be gentle with me, Scott. Please.