#people discussing the lecture people discussing their upcoming plans people trying to rush out people lined up to talk to the

[forehead451]

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[watchmegetobsessed]

Tastes Like Strawberries - Harry Styles

a/n: oh this one is a long boi and might not be the end??? i’ve been working on this fic for days and i have an idea for a possible second part, but i wrote this one so it has a fulfilling ending so it can stand as a oneshot as well! i barely just started working on the sequel, we’ll se how it’ll turn out, maybe it goes to shit lmao but whatever, it’s still a nice and whole story without a second part! this is my V-day gift to you all, have this nice professor!harry fic as if it was a box of chocolate! 🍓 🍫 🍬

special thanks to @pastequeharry​ who put up with my constant rambling and whining while i was writing this, you are a hero, his is dedicated to you!!

pairing: professor!Harry x Reader

warning: sexual content, abusing relationship, it’s got smut, angst, lot’s of banter and all that jazz!

word count: 21.4k

masterlist

There’s just a handful of things to know about Professor Harry Styles and that’s because of one of those very few known facts, the first one being that he is a highly private person. He rarely talks about himself or any aspects of his life, he always makes sure to keep it as professional as possible whenever he is teaching.

Second, he is easily the smartest professor to ever walk on campus, but he doesn’t like to brag about it. You never catch him showing off how much he knows, how big of a genius he is, you’ll just start to realize from the way he teaches and approaches certain topics, how he interacts with others and tries to pass his knowledge down to his students. He is brilliant and he should have all the credits for it, yet he still chooses to keep it to himself.

Third, and it’s the most well-known fact because to see this you just need to have a pair of eyes, he is undeniably the most handsome man to ever teach or if you’re being more precise, walk the hallways of the university. No football crazy, alcoholic fratboy or dreamy looking indie guy from the library can live up to what Professor Harry Styles is. With a face clearly carved by the angels, a nicely built but not too muscular frame, and occasionally displayed tattooed arm that makes you wonder what other artworks his stylish outfits are hiding, there’s no man like him and every female on campus agrees with that.

His lectures and courses are jampacked with sighing and heart-eyed college girls, daydreaming about the man who is solemnly just trying to teach the things he is so passionate about. But it’s not just the students, Professor Styles has managed to charm the female professors of all faculties, you can see them wander by his office way too often, they take any opportunity to talk to the man and try to seduce him. It’s unknown if he is oblivious to the effect he has on women or he chooses to ignore every and any attempts, but this is what leads us to the fourth fact.

Despite all the effort and energy that’s been put into his case by every single woman on campus to break the walls the professor has built around himself, he never let any of his students or colleagues to even think they could be romantically linked for real. Professor Styles keeps his distance and turns down any offer that could be mistaken to anything that doesn’t fit in the professional boundaries.

Anytime a student puts on the slightest flirtatious act towards the professor, he either rejects it straight away or ignores it completely and blatantly, making it his clear answer that he is not interested and then he goes back to teaching. You’ve seen it yourself, having him as one of your professors first year of uni, you fell for him just like every other girl in the lecture hall, dreaming about him in ways you probably shouldn’t think of a teacher while he was just casually talking about his grading system and how he is going to build up the lectures throughout the semester. Some brave girls who you assume were highly celebrated by boys in high school took the courage to openly flirt with him, but he didn’t even flinch before shutting all attempts down, not even a blush appeared on his perfectly cut cheekbones.

You thought of ways you’d try to seduce him yourself, but you never actually tried. You never had the balls to actually give it a go and then suffer from the worst embarrassment of your life when he rejects you. So you kept it all to yourself, only entertaining yourself with your elaborate plans about the seduction of your professor.

Second year passed without any classes with Professor Styles, you had only occasionally seen him come and go, rushing down the hallways holding his notebooks to his chest, a steaming cup of coffee in his other hand as he was heading to his lecture hall that you just knew was filled with girls. You always took a moment to yourself to admire his outfit. He has a tendency to pair odd items and make them look like the most put together fit ever that only he can pull off. However, you and your girlfriends always loved to tease him between each other for his grandpa-like sweaters and vests he seemed to love dearly.

“He confuses me, because I want him to fuck me on his desk but also, I feel like he is about to ask me what periodt means because he is too old to understand slang these days,” your friend, Nat said once when your little group was lounging under the huge oak tree between classes and the professor rushed past you, disappearing in the building without paying any of you a look. He wore a pair of beige slacks and a striped sweater, a wrinkly grey shirt peeking from under it at the bottom. The colors and the style overall once again gave you that old people feeling, but then you looked at his handsome face and couldn’t care any less about whatever he was wearing.

The most intimate way you ever saw him was a few days after your twenty-first birthday the summer before your last year of uni started. You just got back from your hometown, the first person to arrive back to your shared flat with Nat and Eden, so you had a few days on your own. You decided to redecorate your room so you took a trip to IKEA, taking your time looking through the set up rooms, just wandering around as you try to figure out what you really want to buy. Walking through the living room section you spotted the professor and first, you didn’t even recognize him.

He was wearing a pair of bright yellow shorts and a short sleeved shirt with floral prints on it, a pair of white framed sunglass on top of his head, keeping his unruly strands out of his face as he was eyeing a couch, seemingly deep in his thoughts. You stopped in your tracks, seeing him in such a casual and everyday setting. For some reason, he seemed like a completely different person.

A woman was there with him and as you walked closer you could hear a fraction of their discussion.

“I don’t know, Gems. Do I need a couch this big?”

“Looks comfy and I like the color. It would also fit in the space just right, I think you should get the bigger one if you have the space for it,” the woman put her two cents in and you wondered who she could be. Girlfriend? Just a casual friend? Maybe fiancé? She did have a ring that could easily go as an engagement ring so you couldn’t tell for sure.

As you were about to walk past you suddenly took the courage to say hi.

“Hello, Professor Styles!” you greeted him with a warm smile and his eyes flickered over to you from the couch in question. One thing you always admired about him is that he never forgot the faces of his students and as he looked at you, you knew he recognized you even if he didn’t know your name specifically.

“Oh, hello,” he nodded in your way.

“I like the couch,” you commented before slowly moving on. “Have a nice rest of your summer!”

“You too, Y/N,” he called after you and it took you by surprise that he remembered your name. Your lecture he taught had almost over a hundred students in it and you weren’t the most active one to stand out that easily, yet he still remembered you more than you were expecting.

That small encounter kept you thinking about him for way longer than you probably should have, especially because you knew you’d have a lecture with him again in the upcoming semester. Your daydreams about him made their way back into your mind as you spent the last days of your summer mostly with your friends. It got you thinking that if you managed to get him to remember your name, maybe you would give one of your plans a go and shoot your shot. He wouldn’t be teaching you in your last semester so you wouldn’t have to face him after he rejects you.

And this is how you came up with your little scheme.

On your last Sunday evening before school starts, you, Nat and Eden sit in the floor of your living room, drinking some white wine as a way of saying goodbye to the carefree summer moments and getting back to the working days of being a senior at uni. Professor Styles came up completely randomly and you let it slip that you’ve just seen him recently at IKEA with a woman and it all led to you admitting that you’ll finally shoot your shot at the professor. Nat and Eden both did the same already, however their attempts were completely ignored and they always bugged you to give it a try yourself, being the only one in your group who hasn’t tried to seduce the professor yet.

“I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell me it’s stupid because I actually think it’ll be funny and a little bit genius,” you tell them before you start sharing the details on your plan.

“Just spill the beans already!” Eden pokes you before she reaches for the bottle and refills her glass.

“Okay, so you both know I took this psychology class last semester for extra credits, right?” The nod and you continue. “The teacher told us about this thing called classical conditioning or they call it pavlovian response too. The guy, Pavlov, did an experiment where he paired the feeding of dogs with a bell ring and after a certain amount of time the dogs started salivating at just the sound of the bell, because they remembered that it’s connected to food. The teacher said this is literally one of the easiest tricks to pull on people.”

“Oh, isn’t this one of the things Jim did on Dwight in The Office?” Nat asks furrowing her eyebrows.

“It is!” you nod, glad that they are understanding the base of your plan. “So, I’ve heard that Professor Styles loves strawberry flavored candies. I thought that I would bring some every day when I see him and offer him some. Slowly, he’ll pair the candy with the thought of me and he’ll get excited when he sees me because he’ll think I have candy for him and it will hopefully work the other way around and he’ll think of me when he is eating strawberry flavored candy that’s not from me.”

Your friends blink at you for a moment, processing what you just shared with them before Eden takes a huge sip of her drink.

“This is the most ridiculous but also the most genius thing I’ve ever heard,” she nods holding her glass up towards you.

“I can’t believe you will pull a psychological experiment on Professor Styles,” Nat shakes her head with a soft chuckle.

“It’s not a blunt way to get closer to him and if he accuses me of trying to flirt I can just say that I’ve been only sharing candy with him, I literally did nothing,” you point out, pretty proud of your solution to your deep fear of having to take his rejection publicly.

“If you get a Noble for this shit, make sure to thank us in your speech,” Eden laughs and you promise to do so when the big moment comes.

Monday morning you make a quick trip to Target and buy a big bag of strawberry flavored candies, probably enough to last for the whole semester, and then you make your way to campus. Following your first lecture you meet up with Eden who also signed up for Professor Styles’ lecture this semester, so the two of you make your way towards the lecture hall together.

“I really can’t believe you are doing this,” she chuckles when you get the candy ready as you near the room. The professor is always the first one in the lecture hall so you know you’ll find him there already.

“You can’t tell me it’s not a funny plan,” you smirk at her. And just as you walk in, you immediately spot the professor sitting at the desk at the front, going over the syllabus before the start. “Save a seat for me,” you tell Eden who just laughs and makes her way up the stairs along the desks.

Grabbing the pack of sweets from your bag you walk up to the professor, feeling confident with your plan. He lifts his head up when he notices your arrival and your eyes meet with his green ones.

“Hello, professor. Would you like some candy?” you simply ask with an innocent smile.

Professor Styles stares at you for a moment before his eyes move down to the candy in your hand, the opening of the bag facing him in a welcoming manner.

“I, uhh… what flavor?” he curiously asks and you can barely push down your smirk.

“Strawberry.”

“Oh. I’ll… take one, thank you,” he nods, hand reaching into the bag as he grabs just one single candy, unwrapping the package before he pops it into his mouth. “Thank you,” he nods again with a delightful smile.

“Of course. Did you buy the couch?” you ask, taking slow steps away from the desk as he keeps his eyes on you.

“I… did not. Bought another one,” he admits shortly and you know you’ve reached the limit. If you ask more, he’ll get suspicious, so you just nod smiling before walking up to the spot Eden has reserved for you. When you sit down, you catch the professor paying you one last glance before he returns to what he was previously doing.

“You are a genius, because now we can watch him suck on a fucking candy for the next few minutes,” Eden mumbles quietly, making you laugh.

“I knew this would be a good plan,” you sigh, satisfied with the work you’ve done. Now it’s just a matter of time.

Every Monday and Wednesday, you arrive with the same bag of candy to the lecture hall, walk up to Professor Styles and offer him one. And he always takes one. The first few times he seems hesitant when he spots you approaching him, but he slowly grows used to your tiny act of kindness that occurs every time you see him. On week three you expand the plan. You usually have lunch with Nat on Thursdays since you both have a break between one and two pm. The two of you try to take advantage of the warm early autumn days and sit under the pergola that’s near the building where Professor Styles’ office is as well. It’s mere coincidence, you only like that place because it’s close to the lecture hall you have to go to after lunch, but you notice that the professor emerges from Building C around one thirty, walking back to his office probably after one of his classes. The sidewalk runs directly next to the pergola so it gives you a chance to bring the candy out one more time every week. You nicely greet him when he is nearing the two of you and then hold out the bag, asking if he wants some. He always takes one and thanks you with a sweet smile that leaves you a tad bit blushed.

“I can’t fucking believe your plan is working,” Nat chuckles in disbelief on one occasion when the professor just disappeared in the building, probably happily unwrapping his candy of the day.

“It’s funny, innit?” you grin at her proudly.

Frankly, this is just a fun experiment for you. You don’t actually think that the professor will think of you differently even the slightest. You might be able to plant the thought of you in his head, but that doesn’t instantly mean that he’ll start fancying you and actually do something about it. It would be ridiculously naïve to think it’s going to be you who breaks through the wall that hundreds of women had already tried to knock down.

Week six is what brings the breakthrough. After long consideration and discussion with Nat and Eden, you decide to test if the experiment has been successful. You offer one last candy on Monday, but Wednesday brings the change. You go to lecture without candy. Well, you have it on you, but you decide not to ask him if he wants some.

Walking into the lecture hall, as always, he is already sitting at his desk, flipping through the pages of a book when you walk up to him with the intention of asking him a question on the paper that’s due next week.

“Professor Styles?” you softly speak up, catching his attention. “Can I have a question about the paper?”

“Of course,” he nods and you can’t tell just yet if he was expecting the candy or not.

“I was wondering if I can use a diagram to visualize my results at the end. I have a brilliant idea to summarize the data with one.”

“Sure, just make sure to give credit wherever it’s due, if you are using someone else’s work for the diagram.”

“Definitely,” you smile at him and wait a moment. That’s where you see the anticipation in his eyes.

His gaze flickers down to your hands and then to your bag where you always carry the candy and when his eyes meet yours again, you see him swallow hard.

He was expecting the candy. Not only expecting, but he started salivating when he saw you, thinking that he would get the candy from you as always.

“Is… that all?” he asks, the slightest hint of hope appearing in his tone, probably waiting for you to pull the bag of candy out of your bag and offer him one. But it’s not happening today.

“Yes, thank you very much,” you nod smiling widely before you turn around and walk away, a shocked and triumphant look appearing on your face once he can’t see it anymore and when Eden sees you, she gasps.

“He fucking expected the candy, didn’t he?!” she whispers at you in shock and you nod frantically, still not believing your plan worked.

“You should have seen the anticipation in his eyes, he really thought I was gonna offer him some!”

“Oh my God, this is hilarious!” Eden laughs covering her mouth as the lecture hall starts to fill up slowly.

Turning forward, you see that the professor is sitting behind his desk, the book that had his attention before your arrival is long forgotten in front of him, now he is staring ahead of him with slightly furrowed eyebrows, deep in his thoughts.

Is he thinking about you? Or why he was expecting candy from you?

You see him reach for his water bottle and he takes two big gulps probably to wash away his need for the candy before he narrows his eyes and at last they find you in the auditorium. You tilt your head to the side innocently smiling, as if you know absolutely nothing about anything. You keep eye-contact, forcing you not to be the one who breaks it and he is intimidating. You feel like he can read your mind as he stares at you and when he finally turns his gaze back at the book, you exhale sharply.

The lecture goes down just as usual and when the professor dismisses the class you decide to put the cherry to the top. Walking down between the desks you grab a candy from your bag and while the professor is talking to a girl who also had a question about the paper, you place the candy to his desk next to his book. He doesn’t see you walk out and you don’t see him when he finds it, but something is telling you he figured you out. No way a man as smart as him doesn’t realize what game you’ve been playing with him.

Sitting under the pergola on Thursday you are deep in discussion with Nat, helping her with a task sheet she has to turn in after lunch but she completely forgot about it. As the two of you are trying to do the seemingly endless sheet, you don’t even notice the professor walking from Building C, as always, but he spots you.

“No, I don’t think that’s even a thing, you can’t write that,” you tell Nat, but she shakes her head.

“I don’t care if it’s a thing, I just want to fill in the whole thing so the teacher doesn’t think I finished it in twenty minutes before class,” she mumbles, scribbling down her answer as you just chuckle at her.

Suddenly, you see a pair of dusty Vans appear in your sight and as your eyes move up, you are facing none other than Professor Styles, standing right in front of you, holding out his hand with his hand turned upwards, a cheeky smile tugging on his lips. His appearance takes you by surprise and for a moment you just dumbly stare down at his palm, then up at his eyes.

“Very smart. Pulling a pavlovian on me with my favorite candy,” he speaks up, dropping his hand as he cocks his head to the side. Nat looks up from her sheet with wide eyes as you stare at the professor with blushing cheeks.

“I have no idea what you are talking about, professor,” you tell him with a knowing smirk.

“Of course. You know, it took me a moment to realize yesterday, but I wanted to let you know that… I think it was clever.”

“If I knew anything about what you’re talking about… I would say thank you. But I stand up for my innocence.”

“Surely,” he chuckles softy. “Have a great rest of your week,” he then nods before turning around to walk away, but you quickly reach into your bag and grab a candy.

“Professor Styles!” you call out and he turns back just in time to catch the candy you throw in his way. He glances at it in his palm before his eyes snap up to you again, smirking at you shortly before he disappears in the building.

“Okay, call me stupid, but I could feel the sexual tension between the two of you,” Nat says as soon as the professor is out of sight.

“Don’t be silly, it was just… a joke and he liked it.”

“He called you clever, Y/N!”

“No, he called my trick clever.”

“But you came up with it so you’re clever too. Say whatever you want, but I actually think you have a shot at him.”

“I definitely don’t,” you laugh shaking your head and you genuinely believe it. Nat scoffs before she gets back to her sheet, but not without having one last thought about the situation.

“We’ll be laughing at how you brainwashed him into liking you when you’ll be dating for years, living together and all that shit.”

You’ve made some very questionable choices in your dating life prior. Like when you dated a boy in high school and let him take your virginity at the back of his mom’s minivan just to break up with your right after that, or when you briefly dated the guy you met at the mall, but it later turned out he was gay and he used you as his cover up in front of his family. But the worst decision of all was dating an egoistic forty years old loser who just freshly got divorced and went after you at some tacky bar you were at with your friends.

The time you spent dating Victor is way less than the time he has been bothering you, trying to make you go back to him when you’ve actually told him you don’t want anything to do with him anymore. You broke up with him just before you went home for the summer and he didn’t take it well, even drove up to your hometown and showed up at your parents’ house drunk, begging for you to take him back. He never stood a chance, not after that one time he slapped you across the face during a fight the two of you had. You tolerate a lot of things but not violence and you don’t believe him when he says it was just a onetime thing. There’s no guarantee he won’t hit you ever again and you are definitely not waiting around to see if he told you the truth.

On this particular late October evening you are searching through your whole room looking for a book you know you have, but can’t seem to find anywhere. It’s your holy bible about research methodology and you need it for your thesis work, but it seems like the small apartment has completely swallowed it.

“Didn’t you leave it at Victor’s? You were working on that long essay when you were dating him, saw you use the book all the time,” Eden tells you when you ask her if she’s seen it anywhere and then it clicks.

She is right, now you remember leaving the book at his once and you completely forgot to pick it up after things got nasty between the two of you.

“Damn it,” you growl in annoyance.

Not feeling like calling him, you send him a quick text, hoping he still has it and hasn’t burned it after one of your fights.

Y/N: Hey, I think I left my research methodology book at yours. You still have it?

Victor: I do.

Y/N: Cool, can I drop by to pick it up?

Victor: I’m leaving for work, you can come to the bar if you want it.

You sigh in defeat. Victor is a bartender at a place that’s all the way across town, takes almost an entire hour to get there, but you are left with no other choice.

Y/N: Okay, I’ll see you there.

The raining has finally stopped this morning so you feel better leaving the house than you would have if it was still pouring. You take the bus and travel across town, feeling anxious to see Victor again. Last time you met him he cursed you out and threw his phone at you, barely missing your head. You promised yourself you wouldn’t go near him again after that, but it seems like you can never get completely rid of him.

Students rarely come to this part of the town, it’s way too far from campus and has nothing to offer that can’t be found closer to the dormitories or the school’s buildings. It’s not entirely your scene either, the bars around here are liked by older generations, not by people your age, this is another reason why you don’t like coming around here.

The bar where Victor works is a place where they have different local bands perform every Friday and Saturday. It’s not a tacky nook with creepy dudes, they actually have prices on the higher end, not something you can necessarily afford with your part time job’s paycheck from the small accounting office near your apartment where you work as an assistant on your free afternoons.

Walking into the place you immediately spot Victor behind the bar and you take a deep breath before you walk up to him.

“Hey,” you call out for him, taking one of the stools along the bar.

“Hey. Long time no see.”

“Happens when you break up with someone,” you respond with a little spice and he frowns at your words. “Can you give me the book?”

“I’ll have a break in ten, can you wait for that or you have something extra urgent shit to do, as always?” You can tell he is still bitter from how things ended between the two of you, but you’ve learned not to care about it. His way of dealing with the breakup is not your responsibility, no matter how hard he is trying to prove it wrong.

You roll your eyes but nod, knowing well there’s no use to fight him. Ten minutes is not the end of the world. Busying yourself on your phone, you try to stay unnoticed and luckily, Victor can’t keep chatting with you, because customers keep coming up to him and ordering drinks. When he finally has his break he tells you to follow him to the back.

“So how have you been?” he asks as you walk down the hallway that leads to the small break room, there’s an office at the end and some kind of changing room you guess for the bands, along with a storage.

“Fine.”

“You really gonna be a bitter bitch and not talk to me?” he asks you, giving you a disgusted look, but you know it’s just the anger talking from him.

“Victor, I didn’t come here to talk, I just need my book!”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t answer my question.”

“I answered it! I’ve been fine, now give me the damn book!” you growl, losing your patience with him, but he is seemingly in the same shoes.

“When will you stop being a bitch and just drop this ridiculous act, Y/N? I’ve been after you for months yet you keep ignoring me!”

“Did it ever occur to you that I’m ignoring you because I don’t want anything to do with you? Victor, it’s been months, just… move the fuck on! Go cry to your ex-wife or something, I don’t care!”

You didn’t mean to snap, but he always brings the worst out of you. From the corner of your eyes you can see movement at the other end of the hallway where the changing room is, but you don’t get to pay much attention to it, because the next moment Victor grabs you by your arm and yanks you towards him.

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that! You ungrateful slut, I swear…”

There’s little you can do, he is twice as big as you are, his grip on your arm so strong there’s no doubt it will leave a mark. Your heart is racing as you try to pull yourself out of his hold, but he doesn’t even bat an eye at your attempt.

However, before he could drag you into the empty breakroom to do god knows what, he is stopped by a voice.

“Hey! Let her go!”

If you weren’t shocked enough at his violent reaction, now you are definitely think you’re going nuts, because it’s none other than Professor Styles who is now nearing you with a hard expression on his face, two other guys following right behind him and though none of them are bigger than Victor, he knows he can’t just start a fight with three men.

Your chest is heaving when the professor finally reaches you and Victor’s hold lets go of you, making you fall back a little.

“You perform here twice and think you’re some kind of rockstar?” Victor spats at the professor, but you’re a little lost in what’s really going on. Professor Styles gently grabs your wrist and pulls you behind him, eyes never leaving Victor’s burning gaze.

“You alright?” one of the other two men asks and you nod, not finding your voice to actually speak.

“Get the hell out of my sight before I call the police on you,” the professor answers in a calm yet threatening voice

Victor takes a second to himself, thinking about the choices he has before he turns around and disappears in the breakroom, slamming the door behind him, leaving you in complete shock about what just happened.

Professor Styles then turns around, his eyes soften at seeing how shaken you are and quite frankly, you feel like you are in a bad and quite weird dream.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” he asks, clearly worried about you and you just shake your head no.

“I-I’m fine, I think,” you mumble out of breath.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” the guy who asked if you’re alright suggests and you nod in agreement, following them kind of blindly, the three of them keeping you in their little circle as you walk out to the bar and they don’t stop until you are out of the place in the cold night air. You slowly come back to reality and process that Professor Styles just saved you out of fucking nowhere from your abusive asshole ex. That’s what you call a plot twist.

You finally take a moment to look at the other two guys, they both look the same age as the professor, or maybe a little older, both of them are rocking some facial hair, the one that asked you seems a little more open while the other one quite reserved but friendly looking.

“What… What were you doing back there?” you ask, turning to face the professor. He clearly seems upset, but you’re not sure if it’s entirely because of what happened with Victor back then or because you are standing outside some random bar on a Saturday night, definitely crossing his personal boundaries he keeps so high at school.

“We played here tonight, was just about to leave when I saw you.”

“You have a band?” you ask, shocked at the detail.

“A pretty good one,” the talkative guy chuckles. “I’m Adam, nice to meet you. This is Mitch.”

You shake hands with them introducing yourself as well.

“Y/N is… my student,” the professor adds as if he is clearing the air for his bandmates, a kind of warning for them.

From the direction of the parking lot two women emerge, laughing on something as they walk up to the four of you, both of them eyeing you curiously.

“Hey boys, who is this pretty girl?”

“Sarah, Charlotte, this is Y/N, she is my student. Y/N, these are my other band mates, Sarah and Charlotte,” the professor introduces you as you shake hands with them quickly.

“I-I’m sorry I interrupted your time with your friends, professor,” you shyly apologize, feeling like a complete intruder all of a sudden with all his bandmates around you.

“Interrupt? Sweetheart, that dude was about to do some unforgivable things to you, don’t apologize for needing help,” Adam snorts. “You’re lucky we were there.”

“What? What happened?” Sarah asks in confusion.

“Just… my asshole ex got a little too violent when I didn’t want to chit-chat with him,” you admit with a defeated sigh.

“Oh shit, but are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” you smile faintly, though you still can feel his grip on your upper arm. “I, um… I better get going, I guess. Thank you for… the saving,” you say, a little lost about what should be said in this situation.

“You’re leaving? We were just about to go to a much better place, why don’t you come with us, forget about your ex a little?” Charlotte offers and you catch the professor’s panicked look for a split second.

“I, um… I don’t think I should, but thank you.”

“Why shouldn’t you?” Sarah questions.

“Because I know how Professor Styles hates to mingle with students outside of lectures and I don’t want to cross any lines,” you truthfully admit. The professor furrows his eyebrows.

“I don’t hate mingling with students,” he states.

“Well, you are surely not the most reachable professor on campus,” you chuckle lightly. “But it’s fine, I understand it. So I’ll just head home.”

“Come on, Harry. Let her tag along for just one drink!” Sarah begs and seemingly everyone would be happy to have you join for a little. The professor’s eyes meet yours, as if he is contemplating whether he should say yes or let you go home. When he finally speaks up you’re more surprised than when you realized it was him saving you from Victor.

“I guess you could use a drink after what happened in there,” he says, the tiniest smirk showing on his lips as your eyes shoot up.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, come on,” he nods and your little group heads down the street.

Turns out the place they were heading to was just two corners down, so they left all their stuff at the minivan at the parking lot for the time being. You slide into an empty booth, Adam and Mitch go to get the first round, so it’s just the three of you girls and the professor.

“So you’re in one of Harry’s lectures?” Charlotte asks with a warm smile.

“Yeah, for the second time, actually. Had him in first year, now it’s my fifth semester and I had no doubt I have to take his class if I have the chance.” You pay a glance at him, but he is staring at his hands on his lap, you can’t tell if it’s because he is uncomfortable with you there or if it’s something else.

“It’s so funny, because we’ve heard that he is known to be a good teacher but we never actually heard it from one of his students,” Sarah chuckles. “What’s he like?”

“Sarah, you enjoy talking about me when I’m very much present?” he scoffs, giving her a look, but she just shrugs innocently.

“Come on, I bet even you’re curious about what your students think of you. Now is your time to find it out!”

“I think Professor Styles knows very well that he is one of the best, if not the actual best,” you truthfully say and see him raise his eyebrows a little.

“What makes him so good?” Charlotte questions.

You glance at him again, as a way of asking for permission if you can answer. You definitely don’t want to make him even more uncomfortable by talking about him when he is right next to you. He looks into your eyes, and his expression tells you that he wants to hear your answer as well, but he quickly adds:

“You don’t have to answer, Y/N.”

“It’s not a secret,” you admit it with a smile. “Professor Styles’ lectures always leave you with a question to think about until next week, he is great at getting into your head without you even noticing. He explains the most complicated things in so simple ways, it should be taught,” you say with a soft chuckle. “I think his enormous knowledge about many different fields in science and just life in general is amusing, anyone can learn something from him, it’s guaranteed.”

“Wow, where is this academic genius side of yours when you’re around us, or we only get to see the dad joke version of you?” Sarah teases him and you can’t push down a laugh, imagining him cracking dad jokes feels so alien but still kind of fitting for him.

“That’s what you get when you’re a nosy little thing,” he retorts with a small smirk. He then turns to you, and as Sarah and Charlotte are laughing on something, he lowly tells you: “You can call me Harry outside of school. Feels weird that you call me professor when my friends are around.”

“You sure?”

He nods and you spot a small smile on his lips. He must be getting used to the feel of you being there, but you still don’t want to push his limits too much.

“Can I ask you something?” he questions, leaning back in his seat.

“Of course.”

“If your ex is this aggressive, why were you there with him?”

His question is surprising, you didn’t think he would ask you something personal, but you guess it’s a valid question after he just saved you from Victor.

“I wanted to get a book back that I left at his place. Didn’t even get to the point where he could have given it back,” you mumble under your breath.

“What book?”

“Just this… research methodology book, wanted it back for my thesis work, but I guess I’ll have to buy a new one,” you huff bitterly.

“Is it the one written by William Scott?”

“Y-Yeah, it is. You know it?” you ask, but then realize it’s a bit of a dumb question. He probably knows every academically important book you will ever come across.

“I actually have it myself,” he nods. Just then, Mitch and Adam return with the drinks and you thank them for the beer, already reaching for your money to pay, but Adam shakes his head.

“It’s on me, don’t worry.”

You watch as Mitch sits beside Sarah, curling an arm around her shoulders and though you couldn’t have guessed that they are a couple, seeing them like this it actually makes sense, they look cute together.

You take a sip from your beer, trying to join the conversation Sarah and Charlotte are having, when your attention is pulled back by Harry.

“I can… lend you the book, if you want.”

“Oh, you don’t have to. I’ll just get a new one.”

“No, really. I think I even have two copies, I can give one to you.”

“I couldn’t ask you that, prof—I mean Harry.”

“You’re not asking,” he smiles at you softly. “I probably won’t need both, so why not put the extra into use?”

“Okay, but I’ll pay for it,” you insist, but Harry shakes his head.

“No need, one of them was a gift so I didn’t pay for it either.”

“Well… if you’re sure about it, I would love to have that extra copy, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“So Y/N, what do you study exactly?” Adam questions, pulling you out of your little discussion with Harry.

“I’m majoring in anthropology, but I’ve been taking some psychology classes on the side just because I’m interested in the topics.”

“And what is Harry teaching you?”

“Had him for intro Sociology lecture first year, now I’m in his Methodology of Cultural Anthropology class.”

“All these subjects with their GY endings, I don’t know how you two put up with science on this level,” Sarah huffs in amusement.

“The names sometimes sound fancier than the subject itself,” you tell her smiling.

“But I bet you need to be quite smart to study these stuff on this level you are at.”

“Oh, it’s just a bachelorette degree, I wouldn’t say I’m that smart,” you chuckle shyly.

“She is totally toning it down,” Harry speaks up, catching everyone’s attention. “I know students tend to take my into Sociology class for just some extra credits so I always give them two options for the semester. They can either write a two pages long review of any article related to the topics talked about at lecture and get their strong C with the bare minimum, or actually participate and do a research of their own and turn in an at least seven pages long essay about their chosen topic. Y/N turned in an eleven pages long paper on the history of death sentences in the U.S. in the last fifty years and how society is thinking about it nowadays. It was easily one of the best works I’ve ever read and it was just an intro class.”

“You remember my essay?” you ask in complete shock.

“Of course. As I said, one of the bests I’ve read,” he nods confidently.

“So you’re like… on Harry’s smart level, actually?” Sarah asks, tilting her head to the side and you can feel yourself blushing.

You’ve always been said to be the smart kid at school, but you never thought it to be true yourself. In your book, you were just doing your absolute best, soaking in whatever knowledge was thrown in your way. You never actually understood how someone could just not study for an exam or not do an assignment, because you always felt like it was your duty to do the best you can. You thought yourself to be more of a hard-working student rather than a smart one.

“She is definitely a bright one,” Harry agrees, his eyes meeting yours as a small smile appears on his lips and you think that this is the biggest compliment you’ve ever gotten. “She actually tricked me with a psychological experiment and I didn’t even realize it,” he laughs and you can’t hold your smirk back.

“What? What did you do?” Charlotte asks, dying to know how you played Harry.

“Have you heard of the Pavlovian response?” you ask looking around and you can tell it rings a bell for all of them.

“The one with the dogs and the bell?” Mitch asks and you nod.

“Wait you did that on Harry?” Adam laughs with wide eyes and you just nod with a sly smile.

“I just offered him strawberry flavored candies every time I saw him. Took me six weeks to build up the response but he actually started expecting it whenever he saw me,” you tell them chuckling to yourself.

“And I only realized it when she stopped with the candy and I felt this massive feeling that something was missing,” Harry adds shaking his head with a soft laugh.

“Okay, that’s hilarious,” Sarah snorts clapping her hands together. “Y/N, I adore you, you’re brilliant!”

“It was just… an experiment,” you shrug shyly.

The night carries much faster than you realize. One drink turns into three and before you could realize, it’s already past midnight. Eden texts you, asking where you are since you said you’d just get the book and go home right away, but it’s been hours.

Y/N: Don’t freak out, but I’m at a bar with Prof. Styles and his friends. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow!

Eden: HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO FREAK OUT AFTER READING THIS???!?!

Y/N: Lol, chill. Nothing extra is happening.

Eden: It’s already extra that you’re out with him.

Realizing how late it is, you decide you better get going, since it’s a long way back home. When you tell the little group that you’re about to head out, they all agree that it’s time to part ways and leave, so you all slowly make your way back to the parking lot.

“Do you know where the bus stop is back?” you ask, narrowing your eyes, trying to spot where you should be heading.

“You want to go home by bus at this time?” Harry asks.

“Well, I surely won’t pay for a ride, I live almost an hour away from here.”

“An hour?” he frowns. “I’ll take you home, come on,” he tells you, heading towards the minivan.

“What? No need. The bus is fine,” you protest, but he shakes his head.

“You are not taking the bus at this hour, not under my watch,” he simply states and you raise your eyebrows at him.

“Didn’t realize I was under your watch,” you tease him and it seems like your comment caught him off-guard. ��Don’t piss your pants, I was just joking,” you tell him, and thought for a second you feel like you are being way too comfortable around him, his smile quickly smashes your doubts.

Sarah, Mitch and Charlotte all take an Uber since they live near each other and Adam is picked up by his wife, so when everyone is off to their own way, you and Harry get in the van and head to your place.

“How long have you had the band?” you ask, in need to break the silence that’s been weighing down on the two of you. “If you don’t mind me asking,” you add quickly when you see him.

“About four years. Used to have another one, but we parted ways.”

“And what do you do in the band?”

“I, uhh… Well I mostly sing but I also play the guitar.”

“You know, I’m not that surprised you can sing,” you chuckle to yourself sinking further down in your seat.

“How come?”

“You have a voice that’s great to listen to at lectures, makes sense that you can sing as well.”

You take a moment to look at his hand that’s gripping the steering wheel, he is the kind that drives with one hand on the wheel, the other one on the shifting gear. He makes it look so easy as he steers the wheel whenever he is turning a corner while his other one easily moves around the shifting gear, his tattoos are peeking from under his rolled up shirt sleeve. He catches you staring and you feel a blush burning on your cheeks as you turn your head to the other side. Maybe you shouldn’t have drunk that third beer…

“Am I really seen that rigid by the students?” he speaks up after a while and you turn back to face him.

“What do you mean?”

“You said I’m known about not mingling with students.”

“Well, you don’t mingle, do you? But it doesn’t mean you come off as rigid. More like… closed-off. Private.”

“I know I should be a little friendlier, but I just…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, I think everyone gets it why you’re like that.”

“Do they?” he arches an eyebrow.

“Well, you’re obviously a ladies’ favorite, but it doesn’t sit well with you being a person of some sort of power. It’s clear that you don’t want anyone to get the wrong picture about you. I’ve seen how bluntly girls are flirting with you, some of them are quite scandalous if you ask me,” you huff to yourself. “I totally get it that you don’t want even just a rumor to spread about you.”

“Didn’t think I was that obvious,” he admits, running his tongue over his lips.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re still a highly fancied professor, in all means,” you tell him with a warm smile.

“Does this mean you also fancy me?” he suddenly questions and your lips part at his words. He quickly realizes how ambiguous he just sounded. “I mean, am I one of your favorites? Where do I stand in your chart of professors?”

You can’t tell for sure because of the lack of lighting, but you could have sworn there’s a light blush on his cheeks as he corrects himself. Because of this, you don’t know for sure if he really meant it academically. Either way, the answer is the same.

“You’re my favorite,” you confidently state and your eyes meet for a moment before he turns back to face the road.

The rest of the ride is pretty quiet, you keep giving him directions to your place until you finally arrive a little before one am.

“Well, thank you for the ride,” you smile at him, grabbing the door handle.

“See you on Monday,” he nods shortly and watches as you get out of the can.

“Yeah, see you, professor,” you smirk before shutting the door and walking up the stairs and disappearing in your building.

“Was that Professor Styles in the fucking minivan?!” Nat throws the question at you the moment you open the front door.

“Jesus, why are you still up?” you sigh, shutting the door and shimmying yourself out of your coat.

“Because we were waiting for you!” Eden rolls her eyes. “So, care to tell us what the fuck just happened?” The three of you get comfortable on the couch and you give them a quick rundown of your evening from meeting Victor through being saved by Harry right to him offering to drive you home and they listen to you with wide eyes in complete shock that you just spent your entire evening with the most handsome professor on campus who also happens to be the most private as well.

“If I didn’t see him sitting in that van with my own eyes I would straight up think you’re lying, but I saw his tattooed hand over the windshield,” Nat gasps, processing the story.

“I know, I still feel like it didn’t happen, but it did.”

“And what is he like around his friends? What are his friends like?” Eden questions, hugging her knees to her chest.

“He is pretty much just like in lecture, just jokes a little more and he has a looser vocab. His friends are hilarious, I really got along with Sarah.”

“I know you still think it won’t happen, but I actually think you have a shot at him, Y/N,” Eden points it out and you just chuckle.

“Why, because he saved me from my douche ex?”

“No, because he let you stay for the night with him and his friends. This is literally the first ever time a student hung out with him.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, Harry is a reserved and private person—“

“Harry?!” they gasp at the same time.

“You are now just casually calling him Harry?” Nat asks with ogling eyes.

“Well, yes, he asked me to, because it felt weird that I was calling him Professor Styles with his friends around.”

“Okay, I’m giving it… let’s say, he seems to be moving pretty slow, but y’all will be fucking in about six months,” Nat bluntly tells you and it makes you laugh.

“Oh, sure, whatever. I’m gonna shower and head to bed, you two don’t get too crazy with your fairytales,” you wave at them before disappearing in the bathroom.

The rest of the weekend goes by uneventfully, outside of the pathetic attempt from Victor to get you to talk to him, but you’ve had enough of him for a life so you finally block his number and hope you won’t ever see him again.

Both you and Eden oversleep on Monday morning, skipping your early morning lecture and already being late for Harry’s class as well, so you barely make it to Harry’s class in time, just sprinting up the rows, flopping down to your usual seats when Harry starts the lecture. It all goes as usual as if nothing really happened during the weekend, Harry doesn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. Glancing over at his desk you spot the book he promised you and you can’t hold your smile back. Still grinning, your eyes accidentally meet with his gaze and he stops for a heartbeat as if he is questioning why you are so smiley, but you just shake your head and he carries on before anyone could suspect a thing.

“I gotta run, my favorite TA is having his office hours now and I have a few questions for him. See you at home?” Eden asks once the lecture is over and you are getting ready to leave.

“Sure, have a good day!” you call after her and she sings a ‘you too!’ before running out of the room.

You pack up and head down between the rows, Harry spotting you right away and you go up to him without him even asking you to.

“Hey, sorry we were a little late to class this morning,” you tell him and he just shakes his head kindly.

“No worries. How… is your arm?” He furrows his eyebrows, his gaze wandering down to your forearm where Victor grabbed you on Saturday.

“Oh, it’s fine. I just have a little bruise,” you shrug, because it really isn’t that big deal, but you can tell Harry is still outraged by what happened.

“M’sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. Would be worse if you weren’t there,” you smile at him kindly and he nods to himself before turning to his desk.

“I, uhh, I brought the book we talked about,” he shyly says grabbing it from the desk. As people are exiting the room you can feel the glares on yourself, most of them are probably trying to figure out why Harry is talking to you for so long, but you don’t pay much attention to them as you take the book he hands you.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pay for it?”

“No need, keep it, it’s yours,” he shakes his head with a small smile.

“Thank you then.” You slide the book into your bag before looking back up at him. “Well, I’ll see you on Wednesday, professor,” you smile warmly before heading out.

“See you!” he calls after you before you close the door behind you.

The week carries on as usual, you are working on papers that needs to be turned in before the fall break so you spend some extra time at the library, using every bit of free time you have so you finish everything on time.

Things go back to kind of normal with Harry, he greets you in the mornings when you walk into the lecture hall and other than the warm smile he occasionally gives you, nothing has changed.

Friday however brings a surprise, but not from Harry. You’re sitting at work in the afternoon, typing away on your computer, filling in some sheets when you get a notification on your phone from Instagram.

Sarah Jones is now following you!

You tap on her profile but see that it’s private so without a second thought you request following. Luckily, she approves you only a few seconds later and you gain access to her posts, quite a few of them featuring Harry on them.

Photos of birthdays, weekend getaways, band practices and performances, Harry makes a lot of appearances on her feed and you find yourself scrolling all the way down until you reach the first few posts from 2016. Just as you are about to leave her profile you get a message from her.

Sarah: Hey Y/N! Charlotte and I’ve been talking about you recently, loved having you with us last Saturday! Want to grab a drink with the two of us this weekend?

Y/N: Would love to, but I’m not sure Harry would like the idea…

Sarah: He won’t be there and besides, who is he to tell you who you can and can’t hang out with?

She is right. You enjoyed spending time with them as well and Harry has little to no word in if you want to meet up with his friends or not. This invitation has no connection to him being your professor.

Y/N: Alright, I’m down!

 This is how your friendship with Sarah and Charlotte starts. You meet up with them on Saturday and have an amazing time, they are definitely fun people to spend time with and though at first you feel hesitant to get closer to them, you soon forget about your doubts and just enjoy your time with them.

Your little girls night goes so well that they invite you out for dinner on Wednesday with Mitch joining the little trio. You learn that he is a quiet but hilarious guy, he and Sarah make a great couple, you think.

“We have a gig this Saturday at Green Light, want to come?” Charlotte asks at the end of the dinner.

“Okay, I really don’t think Harry would be a fan of that idea,” you point out, feeling like it’s surely over the lines. He still doesn’t know about you meeting some of his friends without him and you’re not sure how he would react if he did.

“Harry can fuck off, not everything is about him. We are inviting you as our friends, he just happens to be in the band as well,” Sarah rolls her eyes, clearly not as bothered by the situation as you are.

“I just don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”

“He is a big boy, he’ll get himself over it, don’t worry. So, are you coming?”

“I guess, alright,” you nod with a soft chuckle.

 Next week you contemplate telling Harry that Sarah invited you out for their gig, but at last you decide against it, something is telling you he would try to talk you down and now you’re pretty hyped to see them perform. So you keep quiet and just brace yourself for the worst when Saturday comes.

You don’t overdress for the occasion, decide to wear some light washed mom jeans and a simple sweater tucked into it, a casual look for a night out.

Even when you’re on your way to the place you are having second guesses whether it’s a good idea or not, but you tell yourself it’s not that big of a deal and if Harry flips, you’ll just tell him you came for Sarah and Charlotte.

As you get off the bus and walk towards the place, you immediately spot the little group of three next to Harry’s minivan, Sarah waving in your way as you become visible in the streetlights.

“There she is!” she beams happily and you just chuckle at her.

Harry is standing with his back facing your way but seeing Sarah’s reaction he turns around and you swear for a moment you think he is about to faint when he spots you.

“Hey everyone,” you smile as Sarah pulls you into a hug and Charlotte does the same.

“Hey, if it isn’t our little trouble seeker!” Adam teases you and you just roll your eyes at him before shyly glancing at Harry who is standing on your left, awfully quiet and deep in his thoughts since your arrival. He feels your eyes on him and his gaze meets yours and just by one look you can tell he is pissed.

Just as you thought.

The group chats a little longer outside before Adam suggests they head inside and get ready for their start and you are just about to follow them, but Harry keeps you back.

“Y/N, can we have a word?”

Staying back you nod, hiding your hands in your coat’s pockets as you look at him, lips curled into your mouth.

“What are you doing here?” he questions, eyebrows knitted together and he looks so damn intimidating, the neon lights from the front of the building tinting part of his face green, but you think red would suit him better with this look.

“I… came to see the band playing, what do you mean?”

“Is this your sneaky way of trying to come after me? Because I thought we had a very clear discussion about my thoughts regarding situations like this and you seemed to understand it.”

He comes off way angrier than you think he should be. Yes, it might be uncomfortable for him to see you here, but the tone he just hit is way too harsh for your liking and professor or not, you are not letting anyone talk to you like that when it’s completely not relevant.

“Okay, calm down. First of all, I was invited here.”

“By who?” he spats.

“Sarah and Charlotte, we met last weekend and had dinner this week as well. Had a great time and they asked me to come tonight as well, so get off of your high horse, I’m not here for you.” You can see the change on his face as the information sinks in and he realizes he accused you wrongly, but you’re not quite done with him. “But if I was here to see you, why does that bother you so much? You can’t avoid meeting students every minute when you’re off-campus. If I came here because of you, it shouldn’t affect you this much if you weren’t worried about something else than me just being here,” you point out and he furrows his eyebrows at you. “If I didn’t know better I would think you’re afraid to be around me because you actually like me, huh!” you tell him with an innocent yet suggesting look. His eyes widen and the confidence in himself quickly vanishes from him, replaced by anxiety and nervous looks as he realizes the meaning behind your words.

“I-I, that’s not—I’m not—“

“Take a breath before you pass out, Harry,” you sigh, dropping the hard act. “I didn’t come here for you and if you want to know I actually thought a lot about canceling because of you. But I genuinely like spending time with Sarah and Charlotte so I’m here as their friend.”

Harry stares back at you, completely defeated, regret filling his green eyes. You feel a little guilty for snapping so hard at him, after all you do understand his point of view, but you genuinely don’t think it’s as big of a deal as he makes it to be.

“I-I’m…”

“It’s fine, okay? Let’s just… move past it, alright?” you suggest and he nods as the two of you head inside, joining the rest of the group.

You stay behind while they are waiting for their time to perform, keeping some distance from Harry so he can’t accuse you again, but you occasionally look his way, catching him already looking at you, but you just can’t tell what could be possibly going on in his head. When it’s time for them to go on stage, you go out to the actual bar area and sit by the counter, not too much at the front but close enough to see everything that happens on the stage.

When they start playing you can’t take your eyes off Harry. His energy behind the microphone just knocks you off the stool and you watch him completely mesmerized as if he has put a spell on you. It feels like he turns into an entirely different person on stage, nothing like the man you see at lectures every Monday and Wednesday. He sings perfectly on key, putting some extra charm into the songs with his little additional tunes whenever he is not singing a line.

But what makes it absolutely impossible to look away from him is because he keeps staring at you, eyes locking with yours for way too long every time he catches your gaze. You try to ignore it, but it’s quite hard when his eyes are basically burning into you, it leaves you breathless.

Once the concert is over you order yourself two tequila shots quickly, because something is telling you that you’ll need the boosting if you want to face Harry after his little performance.

But for your surprise, when you join the band again and get near him, nothing really happens. It seems like Harry has come to peace with your presence in his little group of friends and he actually treats you like you’re part of the circle.

The six of you occupy a table at the back of the bar to spend there the rest of the evening and it’s all good, it seems. A harmless night out with a bunch of friends, nothing extra. Harry actually strikes up conversations with you involved and you feel like you’ve overcome a banter finally.

“Do you need a ride home?” Harry asks at the end of the night when everyone is about to head home.

“Only if it’s fine by you.”

“Wouldn’t offer it if it wasn’t,” he smiles shortly before the two of you say goodbye to the rest of the group and head to his van that was previously loaded with their stuff.

The ride back to your place is now much shorter, it takes less than ten minutes to arrive and you are just about to say goodbye when he speaks up.

“I want to apologize for the way I reacted to your arrival earlier tonight. It was… unnecessary.”

“It’s fine, I’m sorry for what I said after that too.”

“You shouldn’t be,” he shakes his head, staring down at his hands in his lap.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you shouldn’t be sorry for saying something that’s true.”

It feels like all air is knocked out of you as his words process and you stare at him with parted lips and raised eyebrows. When he finally looks up at you, he looks so lost and tortured, you feel the urge to hug him, but you stay still as he continues talking.

“I got mad because I do like you and seeing you outside of school is very… confusing for me. And this is why I’m gonna be very straightforward with you now. I can tell Sarah and Charlotte like you a lot and they are stubborn, they won’t see the situation from my point of view and I’m no one to tell you if you can hang out with us or not. But what I can most certainly tell you is that nothing will happen between us. I’m very serious about this, Y/N. You are very much welcomed to spend more time with us, but I want you to know that it won’t go further than this.”

For a couple of moments you’re only able to stare back at him, blinking completely frozen at his sudden confession. You could tell tonight has been a turning point of some kind, but you were not expecting this speech from him at all and now you are at a complete loss of words. It takes some time before you actually find your voice.

“Okay,” is all you can breathe out, nothing more, but it’s pretty much all you have to tell him. You won’t go against his will and force him to do something he doesn’t want. He deserves the respect.

He nods shortly, seemingly still very torn about the situation and you figure it’s better if you just leave now.

“Thank you for the ride,” you quietly tell him opening the door. “Good night.”

“Good night, Y/N,” you hear him before you shut the door and walk into your building, feeling like you’ve been just hit by a pile of bricks.

Unlike the last time when Harry brought you home, Nat and Eden are not waiting for you in the living room. Nat is probably already asleep and Eden went out for a date earlier and she hasn’t been back. You don’t bother to turn the lights on as you walk inside, just kick your boots off and hang your coat before collapsing onto the couch, just staring into the darkness, Harry’s words repeating in your head again and again.

“… I do like you and seeing you outside of school is very confusing for me.”

“… nothing will happen between us. I’m very serious about this, Y/N.”

“… but I want you to know that it won’t go further than this.”

Harry, your professor, The Harry Styles admitted that he likes you but also told you pretty forward that nothing is ever going to happen between the two of you. It still feels like a fever dream and you’re not sure how you are feeling about it just yet. Hanging out with him was already quite overwhelming, but you were not expecting this confession from him at all.

What are you supposed to do with this information? If he is so set on not taking any further steps, why did he even share it with you? He could have just easily keep his thoughts and feelings to himself and get away with it without you ever figuring it out. It doesn’t make sense.

For the first time in your life, something Harry Styles said doesn’t make sense. That’s new.

Following Harry’s confession you truly have no idea what to do, so you just go with the flow. He seemingly stays the same when it comes to you, friendly, but still keeping his distance. Nothing changes in the lecture hall, he just occasionally asks if you’re alright and you are guessing he only wants to know if you are having any trouble with Victor, but you haven’t even heard from him since you’ve blocked his number and you hope it’s going to stay like that.

You meet up with him and the band a few times outside of school and it’s not necessarily awkward, but you can tell he is keeping his distance from you, he never sits next to you or has one-on-one conversations with you, only if it’s necessary. The only time he dares to be alone with you is when he sometimes offers you to drive you home. You usually say no at first, but he insists, so you end up sitting in silence in the car until you arrive home, say goodbye and end of story.

No one in school even suspects that you’ve made your way into Harry’s group of friends, only Nat and Eden knows about it but they swore to keep it a secret, but you didn’t tell them about Harry’s confession. Whatever it is that’s happening between you and Harry, you would never put him into a situation he is trying to avoid so badly. You sit in his classes like everyone else, but while all the other girls are drooling over him, trying to get just slightly closer to him in any way possible, you sit in silence and think about the precious times when you get to see him outside of school.

Even with him being so distant towards you, you can’t help but slowly start falling for him. He doesn’t have to talk to you or be direct to you, it’s enough that you see him as himself, you see him with his friends, how he acts whenever he is not teaching, standing on the podium. And he is an amazing person, there’s no doubt about that.

The semester is gradually moving forward, once you get back from fall break, you basically move into the library, studying for your exams and finishing up all your papers. December arrives pretty fast and before you realize, the whole town is decorated with lights and Christmas trees everywhere, the shops are trying to lure customers in with all the sales and the Christmas shopping officially starts.

One weekend, when there’s only two weeks left of school before everyone heads home for the holidays, you and Nat go for a shopping trip, trying to buy every gift in time so you don’t have to worry about that at least last minute.

Wandering around the mall you naturally take a trip to the bookstore, always ready to buy something new to read. Nat dives into the cooking books wanting to get one for her mother while you’re just aimlessly looking through the shelves. As your eyes are running through the titles in the psychology department, you stop at one particular book, pulling it off the shelf as you can’t help but smile to yourself.

The secrets of Classical Conditioning.

You flip through the pages and though it doesn’t seem to be a groundbreaking work, it’s just explaining Pavlov’s experiment and further uses of it, you still decide to buy it.

That evening you sit at your desk, the book open in front of you, a pen next to it as you try to think of something to write into it. At first you just wanted to give it to Harry as it is, but you figured it would be a nice gesture to write a few words into it he could always read when he opens the book. After some consideration, you finally grab the pen and start writing.

-

Dear Harry,

I will always think of you whenever I hear of Mr. Ivan Petrovics Pavlov or Classical Conditioning. Thank you for another amazing semester and I’m happy I got to see you without standing on a podium. You are an amazing man, never change.

Happy holidays,

Y/N

-

Last week of school, you go to the Wednesday lecture, the last one of the semester with the book sitting in your bag. All through the 90 minutes class as Harry is having an open discussion about the lecture with the students, you keep debating whether you should give him the book or not. When the lecture is over and Harry wishes everyone happy holidays, you grab it from your bag and holding it to your chest you wait until there’s only a few people in the room. Eden has already left to hand in a paper so you walk down the rows on your own, eyes on the man behind his desk who is now packing up his papers and notes, getting ready to leave.

“Harry?” you faintly speak his name, grabbing his attention as he looks up at you from behind the desk. You glance down at the book in your hands and before you could change your mind, you place it down in front of him. “This is… for you.”

His gaze wanders down to the book, then back at you as he stares at you in awe, obviously surprised by the gesture.

“What’s this for?”

“Christmas gift?” you answer unsurely with a nervous chuckle. “I just saw it at the store and… thought of you.”

“Y/N, I can’t—“

“Yes you can and you will,” you roll your eyes at him, tired of hearing all these negations from him. He can’t, he won’t, he shouldn’t… for once, he definitely will if it’s on you. “Take it as my payment for the book you gave me.”

His eyes soften at you before he looks down at the book again, reading the title before he chuckles to himself.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he then finally says, accepting that you won’t let him return the gift under any circumstances.

“Have a nice Christmas, Harry,” you smile at him shyly, hands holding onto the strap of your bag as you start walking away.

“You too,” he faintly says and turning around you start walking, but then he stops you. “Y/N, wait!”

You stop in your track and face him curiously. He seems hesitant, stepping away from the desk, walking closer to you but still keeping some distance between the two of you.

“Do you… have plans for New Year’s Eve?”

“I, uhh—No, not yet.”

“If you happen to be back in town by then… Sarah is having this little get together. I have a feeling she already invited you, but if you said no because of me, I want you to know that it’s fine by me. Would be nice if you could come.”

He is right, Sarah did invite you over, but you kindly declined thinking Harry wouldn’t appreciate if you spent it with them. You wanted to give him a breather, have a night with his friends without having to avoid you all the time, but it seems like the situation has changed for him.

“You don’t have to invite me just because I gave you a gift, Harry.”

“It’s not about that,” he shakes his head softly. “I can tell you are getting along well with Sarah and all the others. I want you to know that I would never stand in the way and you are very much welcomed at any and all events.”

He seems and sounds genuine, you don’t see any sign of him just saying it because Sarah asked him to or something. No, this definitely came from him.

“Okay, I’ll… think about it,” you tell him with a warm smile. “See you around,” you wave at him before walking out of the room.

You don’t get to see his reaction to the words you wrote into the book and for a while, you’re not even sure he saw it. Maybe he took it home and put it on his shelf without even having a look into it, but two days later, when you’re already packing, getting ready to go home for Christmas, you get a notification that at first confuses you.

Breakfast is now following you!

You open Instagram with furrowed eyebrows as you go to the profile that just followed you. It’s a small account and private, of course and you almost close it thinking it’s just someone random when you see that it’s followed by both Sarah and Charlotte.

Could this be Harry’s profile?

The username is colazione8, it doesn’t give away much but now that you are thinking about it, it’s perfect if he wanted to stay unnoticed by his students that surely can use Instagram way better than him.

You tap on the follow request button and anxiously wait for an approval, hoping that the person behind the account is still online. You wait and wait, slowly losing hope but then the notification finally arrives. Your request has been approved.

You tap on the profile vigorously and three pictures appear in front of you. One is a picture of some random building, the first ever posted is a plate of nicely served breakfast of some sort and then there’s one that features the person you were desperately hoping to see.

It’s a picture of Harry sitting at a big dining table, a glass of wine in front of him as he is squinting his eyes towards the camera. You zoom into the picture just to make sure it’s him, but his features are clearer than daylight, it really is Harry that just followed you.

You’re still stalking his very private and not too eventful profile when you get a message from him, making your heart skip a beat.

Harry: Hey! Just wanted to thank you again for the gift, it’s really thoughtful. Read what you wrote in it… thank you, Y/N.

Y/N: I meant every word. Thank you for everything you did this semester!

It takes a few minutes for a response to arrive from him.

Harry: Are you already on your way home?

Y/N: Not yet, leaving tomorrow morning.

Harry: If I drop by your place in 20, can you come down for a sec?

Y/N: Sure!

Though your response seemed totally cool, you started panicking right away. What does this mean? Why is he coming here? Are you in trouble? You couldn’t be, you didn’t do anything wrong.

You quickly change out of your worn-out sweats and stained shirt, putting on a pair of jeans and a black hoodie, not wanting to see him looking like a total wreck. You sit on your bed, anxiously checking your phone every ten seconds to see if he has messaged you and those twenty minutes never seem to pass.

Then your phone finally chimes again.

Harry: I’m here.

Y/N: Be there in a sec.

You jump into a pair of trainers and grabbing your keys from the little sidetable you have in the hallway you storm out of the apartment, running down the stairs. As you walk out you stop in your track for a second, for some reason you were expecting the minivan, but this time, it’s a black Range Rover that’s parked in front of your building and Harry emerges from it the moment you step outside.

“Hey!” he smiles at you, shutting the door before he jogs around and you notice the little gift bag in his hands.

“Harry, is this what I think it is? Because you shouldn’t have, really,” you tell him right away as he stands in front of you, glancing down at the little bag in his hands.

“What? So you are allowed to give me a gift, but I’m not allowed to do the same?” he asks with a cheeky smile.

“But you already gave me one!”

“That wasn’t a real gift, so no,” he shakes his head, too stubborn to let it go. So instead, he nervously glances down at the little bag before handing it to you. “Here. Happy Christmas. But you can only open it when I’m gone, alright?”

“Why?”

“Just… please,” he breathes out and you not, keeping your curious hands to yourself.

“Alright. Well, thank you, Harry.”

“Sure. Um, have a great winter break and… I’ll see you around,” he smiles, walking around the car back to the side of the driving seat.

“You too, Harry. See you!”

You see him drive away as you walk back into the building, basically running up the stairs to your apartment, dying to see what’s in the little bag. Once you are locked in the safe haven of your room, you throw yourself to the bed and reach into the bag, finding a small box. One that’s usually used for jewelry. You pull it out with shaky fingers and take a deep breath before opening it.

Inside sits the cutest little silver ring you’ve literally ever seen. It’s thin and very detailed, tiny little strawberries lining next to each other and that’s the whole ring. Just the little strawberries, but it’s still the cutest you’ve ever seen. You put it on and it fits perfectly on your ring finger, holding up your hand you take a good look at how it sits on your finger. You’re in love with it.

Rolling to your back on the bed you stare up at the ceiling with a heavy heart aching for a man you know will never be yours, but you just can’t help it. The heart wants what it wants, right?

Reaching for your phone you type him a quick message

Y/N: Harry, thank you so much! It’s beautiful! But you shouldn’t have bought me anything!

Harry: I’m glad you like it :)

Y/N: I love it.

He doesn’t respond, just likes your message.

Christmas is always the same, especially because your family just never had those juicy dramas that could ruin any family events. Holidays have always been quiet and loving, pretty predictable. It’s good to be home again and spend quality time with your loved one, though your mind keeps wandering to a particular someone.

Sarah mentioned that Harry has traveled home to his mom and sister and from time to time you catch yourself thinking about what he could be possibly doing at the moment.

The only interaction between the two of you is when you post a photo with your sister and brother at Christmas dinner and he likes the photo, but nothing more. He doesn’t post or add to his story so you are left with your own elaborate fantasies of what he could possiblybe doing at home.

Sarah convinces you to spend the New Year’s Eve at hers and you are accepting the invitation a lot easier now that Harry has told you he is fine with you joining.

Just one day before the 31st you get back to your apartment and spend the second to last night of the year spiraling about the whole situation with Harry. Where are you two standing as of right now? Was his gift a gesture with a deeper meaning behind it?

You can’t step over the fact that you are not his student anymore. He has officially graded you and you’ve received your credits for his class, the ties are off, but he situation might still be risky and you doubt Harry is willing to change his mind about what he told you earlier. He made it clear that nothing will ever happen between the two of you, however you can’t help but feel a little hopeful that the new semester might bring a change into that.

After two hours spent in front of your closet and at least three mental breakdowns you finally decide to wear a black turtleneck dress which is just the perfect mixture of modest and sexy at the same time. You feel anxious to see Harry again, not sure how to act around him following your little gift exchange. There’s a chance he’ll just shut himself off once again and avoid you all night, you can’t tell.

Sarah’s place is already buzzing by the time you arrive, several guests are lounging in the living room and kitchen, some soft music is playing and it appears that everyone is enjoying the evening so far, judging from the laughter you hear from time to time.

“I’m so glad you came!” Sarah envelopes in a tight hug when you arrive.

“Thank you for inviting me. Here, brought some snacks,” you hand her the grocery bag you picked up on your way, not wanting to arrive empty-handed.

“Oh, you are an angel, some on in, make yourself home, take whatever you want to eat or drink!” she gestures around before bringing the bag into the kitchen.

The cozy home is already filled with a lot of people you don’t know, but you also spot Charlotte and Mitch right away so you take the safe spot in their little circle. You try your best to stay present in the conversation but you keep glancing around, looking for one particular person.

And then you finally see him. Harry emerges from the little hallway that leads to the bedroom and bathroom with Adam, seemingly deep in conversation as he nurses a beer in his hand. His checkered slacks and vintage printed t-shirt makes him appear so casual, if you didn’t know him you wouldn’t even guess that he is actually a professor.

Harry laughs at something Adam just told him and his eyes glide around the room until they find you standing near the kitchen. He stops in his track, gaze running down your figure before it returns to your eyes and he seems to be in awe, like he doesn’t entirely believe it’s you he is seeing even though he knew you’d be coming. There’s nothing you want more than to run across the room and throw yourself into his arms. You spent way too much time thinking about him during Christmas and seeing him in the flesh now is a mixture of feelings you can’t really describe just now.

Neither of you leaves the conversation you are in the middle, but you keep glancing towards each other. You’re nervously moving the strawberry ring around your finger, feeling his burning gaze on your figure all the time. You haven’t taken it down since he has given it to you, it partially made it harder for you to stop thinking about him, because the jewelry was quite a loud reminder every time you glanced down at your hands.

Two drinks later your sister calls you, as always she wants to say happy new year before the lines get hectic at midnight, so you move out to the small balcony facing the street as you talk to your sister. The spicy night air feels amazing on your heated up skin, the turtleneck dress was a good choice, but it’s definitely getting hotter with each drink, especially with Harry’s lingering eyes as well. When you end the call you decide to stay outside a little longer, take a few moments to yourself.

You jump a little when you hear the sliding door open and you’re surprised to see Harry walk out.

“Hey, thought you might need this,” he smiles softly, holding a blanket in his hands.

“Oh, thank you,” you mumble and let him wrap it around your shoulders. It provides just enough heat that your lips are not shaking anymore from the cold.

“What are you doing out here alone? Not enjoying the evening?”

“I am, I was just on the phone with my sister.”

“She’s older than you, right?” he asks and you tilt your head a little looking at him.

“How do you know that?”

“I, uhh… You have a lot of pictures with her on your Instagram,” he admits with a nervous chuckle.

“Have you been stalking my profile?” you tease him, but he clearly takes it way more serious than you intended it to be.

“No, I swear it’s not like that, I just—“ he stammers but you cut him off placing a hand on his arms that are crossed over his chest.

“Harry, I was just teasing you. It’s fine,” you assure him, giving him a gentle squeeze before you are about to pull your hand back, but his hold stops you. He takes your hand in his, gently bringing it closer to his face as he examines the ring sitting on your finger.

“You’re wearing it,” he breathes out, a small cloud emitting from his pink lips as his thumb softly runs over the ring.

“Of course. I told you I love it.”

You can’t ignore the shiver that runs down your spine at the feeling of his warm palm against yours, his thumb delicately running over not just the ring, but down your finger as well before he lets go of your hand. You already miss his touch.

“So, how was Christmas?” he asks clearing his throat.

“Good, nothing extra. What about yours?”

“Same, went home to the family.”

“Do you often visit them?”

“Not as often as I would want to, but I’m trying to go every couple of months.” Harry turns towards the street, eyes running along the not too busy road that stretches past Sarah’s building. His hand comes up to the railing, fingers slightly drumming on it. “How come you didn’t bring anyone tonight?”

“Well, my roommates are still home and I also didn’t think you’d like the idea to have another student of yours around.”

“Right, yeah,” he nods, but you can tell something else is still on his mind. “So… no boyfriend to bring?”

You give him a puzzled look. Is this his way of asking if you are seeing anyone at the moment? Because if it is, it’s kind of ridiculous.

“No, not really. I guess you can say I’m not looking for one actively.”

“How come?” he asks with raised eyebrows, his body turning towards you as he leans against the railing. You give him a ‘really?’ look. You think about getting a little sassy and teasing with him, but then decide to just be straightforward instead.

“Because I’m kind of into my Methodology of Cultural Anthropology professor.”

Harry’s lips part as his eyes pierce into yours and for a moment you really think that he is about to flip, tell me how dare you say such thing to him and curse you out, but a second passes and his gaze softens as he lets out a shaky breath.

“Y/N…”

“What? I just answered your question,” you innocently shrug, looking away from him. Despite this long and weird game the two of have been playing these past months, this is the first time you openly admitted that you have a thing for him.

“You know how complicated it is and I told you that nothing can happen.” He shakes his head in defeat, a hint of disappointment in his tone, but it just grinds your gears.

“What, so you can ask about my dating life but I can’t say that I’m into you? How is that fair?”

“That’s not the same.”

“Well I think it is. Both are highly inappropriate to bring up in our situation, don’t you think? Yet you’re trying to put all the blame on me.”

“Alright, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Let’s just… forget about it. I really don’t want to fight with you.”

“Because you’re afraid I might actually win?” you sassily reply, crossing your arms on your chest.

“I’m just trying to do the right thing, okay? Would you… let me?”

“If you haven’t realized it yet, I’m trying really hard to stay in my lane, but you’re not making it any easier.”

“I’m trying too, okay?” he growls, clearly losing his calmness at this point. “I’m really fucking trying, Y/N, but it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do!”

“You’re the one making it hard!”

“It’s not my fucking fault I can’t stop thinking about you!”

“Well it’s not my fault either!” you snap at him, both of you raising your voice, the rest of the party oblivious about the screaming match the two of you are having on the balcony. “If you’re so set on not letting anything happen, why do you come to me and act the opposite?”

“The opposite?!”

“Yes! It’s not quite appropriate to gift your student with a ring or ask them about their dating life. Or is it all new information to you?”

“You started with the gifting!”

“So what? You could have just left it there, but you didn’t. It’s not that it didn’t make me happy, but don’t try to put all the blame on me for saying something when you’re already crossing the lines.”

Harry stares at you with a hard look and you’d pay great amounts to actually read his thoughts at this moment. His jaw clenches as he exhales sharply, eyes turning away from you, as if he couldn’t even bear to look at you.

“Make up your fucking mind,” you growl under your breath as you push your way past him and walk inside before he could get a word out.

For a well-respected, educated and smart man, Harry can act pretty fucking stupid, you think. He is not being fair and you will not apologize for anything you’ve said. If he doesn’t want anything to do with you, he needs to stay in his lane and not dance on the line, poking the sleeping lion. He doesn’t get to fuck around and then put all the blame on you, that’s just not how it works and he needs to learn that.

In the last hour that’s left until midnight you mingle with the guests and try to keep your thoughts of Harry at bay, though it’s quite the challenge since he lingers around you, keeping his eyes on you all the time, as if he is trying to piss you off or something, but you’re determined to be a mature adult and keep your composure.

You’re getting tired of this game and you’re not sure anymore if you are willing to wait around until Harry makes his mind up. Not when he doesn’t keep his own rules at least.

“Come on,” you mumble to yourself as you’re trying to open up a new bottle of wine, but the screw just wouldn’t move, no matter what you do. A hand reaches forward and wraps around the neck of the bottle, interrupting your pathetic misery.

“Let me help you.”

You let Harry take the bottle, biting into your bottom lip as you turn around and watch him easily open the bottle you’ve been fighting with the past ten minutes, he grabs your empty glass from the counter and fills it.

“Thank you,” you mumble when he hands it back and you take a sip right away. He places the bottle to the counter, fingers strumming on the surface before he takes a deep breath and speaks up.

“Y/N, I’m sorry.”

“For what exactly?”

“For the way I acted. You were totally right, I called you out for things that I did myself too, that was unfair of me.” He clears his throat, leaning against the counter with his back side as he crosses his arms on his chest. It brings out how toned his arms really are and you give yourself half a second to drool over that before you take another sip from your drink, forcing yourself to keep your thoughts under control.

“Thanks for acknowledging it,” you mumble, not sure what to say exactly. The two of you stand like that in silence, eyes roaming the guests, something clearly weighing down on both of you, but it’s hard to name and address it.

You can tell he is overthinking, the gears are almost visible, turning in that smart head of his, but you don’t want him to go into depths he shouldn’t. He really is making a bigger deal out of the situation that it already is, but it’s going to wreck him.

“Okay, I want to know, what was the worst way someone tried to flirt with you?”

Harry turns to you with a puzzled look, but you just sip on your wine, waiting for his answer.

“Um, I don’t… really keep track of it.”

“Oh come on,” you give him a look. “I know you have a story. I wanna hear it!”

Your eyes meet and he is searching in yours, trying to figure out what’s the sudden change in your mood when an hour ago you were ready to throw him off the balcony. Truth is you are just frustrated, because the situation feels so impossible. You never had to deal with such an amazing man, knowing he is into you as well, but you just can’t have him. The struggle is hard for the both of you but you can’t blame him entirely. Hating on him because he is not willing to take a risk that could easily ruin his entire life but at least his academic career is just not fair and you won’t put him through that.

Harry sees where you’re coming from and he shoots you a thankful smile before it turns into a smirk as he looks down at his hands.

“Professor Davids from the department of linguistics asked me to be her date for her ex-husband’s wedding.”

“What?” you gasp with wide eyes. “For real?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “She started swinging by my office all the time, trying to chat me up and then one day she asked if I wanted to go with her, that we would be staying at this nice hotel and all… she really thought it was a good idea.”

“That’s very awkward,” you laugh, entertained by the thought that Professor Davids would go so low when it came to dating. “I assume, you declined the invitation.”

“Faster than ever,” he chuckles making you laugh even louder. “Okay, your turn.”

“What?”

“I told you an awkward story, now it’s your turn.”

“Um, the worst was probably a promposal I got.”

“A promposal?” he asks with a puzzled look, his forehead creasing as he pulls his eyebrows together.

“Yeah, when they ask you out to go to prom.” “Oh, yeah. Didn’t know it had a specific name.”

“Because you are way too British,” you tease him and he just gives you a narrow-eyed look, but you can see the smirk hiding on his lips. “Well, anyway, I was dating a guy senior year, but this other one was convinced he could win me over and take me to prom. He brought a fucking mariachi band to school and gave me a serenade in the middle of the hallway while my boyfriend was standing next to me. He asked me to prom so confidently at the end of the song, like he actually had a shot but it was so painfully awkward,” you laugh at the memory shaking your head and Harry joins, finding it quite entertaining.

“He really did that to himself.”

“He did, I felt bad a little, but what was I supposed to do?”

You slip into telling more and more awkward stories, staying in the kitchen you create a little bubble, the rest of the guests don’t seem to exist as you enjoy yourself with Harry. This is the most carefree and loosest you’ve ever seen him around you and you quite like this version of him. So easy to talk to and even funnier than his usual self.

A little before midnight Sarah runs around with champagne, filling everyone’s glass, getting ready for the countdown. You and Harry join Charlotte, Adam and his wife in the corner of the living room as everyone is slowly getting excited for the last moments of the year.

Looking around you see a lot of couples, holding hands, hugging, clearly planning to snog the moment the clock hits midnight and when you glance at Harry on your right you’re convinced he is thinking about the same thing.

You’re not naïve, you don’t think he is going to kiss you, but you still allow yourself to play with the thought just a little. He is standing so close to you, just the tiniest move and you’d be touching him, skin to skin again, feel him under your—

The thought is abruptly interrupted when you feel his warm palm wrap around your hand, your whole body freezing and for a split second you think it’s just an accident, that his touch will disappear before you could even blink, but it stays there. Harry maneuvers his fingers until they are laced together with yours and he keeps a firm hold of your hand, hanging between the two of you, staying hidden because you’re standing close to each other. Your breath catches in your throat and you’re afraid if you dare to move he’ll let go of your hand.

Another version of yourself would laugh hysterically at how worked up you are right now just because he is holding your hand, but the you that’s actually in the moment is about to burst just by this small touch. You have absolutely no idea what it means or why he chose to do it, but you don’t really care about it. You just want to absorb all the heat you feel coming from him where his palm meets yours, fingers braided together tightly, as if he is trying to keep you next to him, like he thinks you are about to disappear and it’s way of anchoring you to him, but truth is you don’t want to go anywhere.

“One minute, everyone!” Sarah sings in excitement as she turns on the TV and puts a huge clock on the screen that’s counting the seconds as well. You shyly glance to the side, finding Harry standing motionless next to you and when he notices you looking, his eyes meet yours. He looks terrified, like a lost little boy and you can’t tell if he is afraid of your reaction or because of what his actions might bring on him. But you want him to know that you are completely okay with where it’s heading.

“Ten! Nine! Eight!” The countdown begins and you inch closer to Harry so you’re pressed against his side, his body heat radiating into your skin even through the layers of clothes you two are wearing.

Harry leans down the moment you lift your head, his face is so close, it wouldn’t take much for you to finally kiss him, do the one thing you haven’t stopped thinking about for months.

“Y/N…” he breathes out and it’s a tortured plea, he is begging you to stop him from doing something he might regret, but you are dying for him to finally sin. You want him to give it up already, you have absolutely no desire to be the burden that keeps him in his lane. You need him to cross the line and stay there.

“I’m not stopping you, Harry,” you tell him quietly, the urge to close the distance between the two of you is burning inside you.

“Seven! Six! Five!” the countdown continues, but it all tones out, you can only see, hear and feel Harry.

“We can’t,” he whines, closing his eyes as he exhales shakily.

“We can, we just shouldn’t,” you correct him, his eyes snap open and meet yours again. You can tell he is so close to finally giving in and let his feelings and desires take control and you will not try to stop him.

His face inches the tiniest bit closer and his forehead is almost touching yours now, you can see every curly eyelash that frames his gorgeous green eyes that are now filled with fear and nerves.

“Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!” Everyone screams together as the clock finally hits midnight while you just stare at Harry holding your breath, praying that he is finally ballsy enough to take this step.

“Harry, please,” you beg, not too proud of it, but you just can’t take it any longer. His hand is gripping yours tightly as he closes his eyes again and for a second you think that it’s gonna happen. He is going to give up the act and finally kiss you.

But right when the moment is burning the most… he pulls back and your heart sinks.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his hand lets go of yours and it feels like your arm is ripped off, tears are welling in your eyes.

“Yeah, me too,” you mumble under your breath, chugging down the champagne before making your way through the living room, determined to leave as soon as possible.

“Y/N, wait, where are you going?” you hear him calling after you, but you don’t stop. You get rid of the empty champagne glass and grab your coat from the rack, storming out of the apartment as if you had somewhere to be.

Tears are streaming down your cheeks as you run down the stairs, almost tripping over your own feet. You hear the other pair of feet running behind you and Harry calling after you, but it’s not stopping you.

You push the front door of the building open, but it’s heavy, so it slows you down just enough that Harry can grab your wrist when you are about to start running down the street.

“Y/N, don’t go, let me explain!”

“No!” you snap at him. “I don’t fucking want to hear your explanation! I’m done, Harry! I’m fucking done! I was trying to be patient and respectful, I didn’t want to make it worse for you and let you do your thing, but you kept dancing back and forth and I can’t keep doing this, so I guess I’m sorry too.”

You’re choking on your own words that echo from the walls, the street is almost entirely empty, the world is still celebrating the new year while you’re at your breaking point. Harry stands in front of you, defeated and panic all over his face as he listens to you.

“I will not sit around and let you play your little games any longer, because you can’t make up your mind whether you want me or not.”

“Y/N I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life!” he snaps, throwing his hands into the air. “That’s the problem! This shouldn’t be happening, but I can’t fucking stop thinking about you, I can’t stop wanting you!”

“Then do something about it!” you beg through your tears.

“I can’t!”

“Yes you can!” you scream at him. “You can but you probably just don’t want me enough to actually do it! And it’s fine, but—“

You don’t get to finish your rant because Harry firmly grabs your arm, yanks you towards him and with one swift movement, his lips are crashing against yours.

It all happens so fast but your body reacts before your mind could process what’s really happening, fists bunching a handful of his sweater as you pull him against you, his hands flying up to your face, cupping them confidently as he kisses you hard and demandingly.

It’s like a fucking dam that’s been broken, everything you both kept bottled up and under control just breaks loose and it’s a kind of a wild fight for trying to devour each other now that all lines has been crossed an blurred into nothingness.

He is the dominant one, but you do some pushing and pulling on your own as well. You’re forced to take a few steps backwards, back arching at how forcefully he is pushing forward, lips smacking against each other over and over again, his tongue meeting yours, swirling and dancing around with yours, a shameless moan escaping your mouth.

His hands roam down your sides and you jumps when they reach the back of your thighs, legs wrapping around his waist. He keeps you up easily, fingers digging into your flesh where your butt meets your thighs and this angle allows you to be completely pressed up against him and feel every single inch of his body that burns for you.

It’s beyond anything you’ve ever imagined, you’re not sure it’s because of the build-up that led to this point or simply the chemistry you two got, but it blows your mind, making you question how you could go this long without ever kissing him.

“Harry, I want you,” you moan when his lips move down to your jawline, kissing and biting on the soft skin, tasting you wherever he can reach.

“I want you too, Y/N,” he breathes out resting his forehead against yours before kissing you again.

“Take me home then.”

“Are you sure?” he pants as you run your fingers through his hair and tug on his gently, earning a whimper from his perfectly pink and swollen lips. You love this satisfied dew on his face, especially because you know it’s because of you.

“Never been more sure about anything in my life.”

You unwrap your legs from around his waist and return to the ground, but not without him leaning down to kiss you once more before he grabs your hand and starts pulling you down the street. You spot his Rover right away and start sprinting, Harry following you right behind with a carefree laugh.

Settled in your seats he starts driving, but you can’t keep yourself away from him. His hand that’s not on the steering wheel is gripping your thigh as you lean over the console and start kissing his cheek, jawline and the corner of his mouth as one of your hands runs down his chest until it reaches his pants.

“Love, if you move further down we’re gonna crash,” he warns you with a shaky breath. “I drank a little too and I’m already fucking gone from kissing you, if you touch me I’m gonna lose it.”

You giggle, pressing one last kiss to his lips before sitting back in your seat. You need every bit of your patience and self-control to stay modest on the way back to his place. Hands gripping his you bring it up to your lips, kissing his knuckles gently as he speeds down the empty streets. It’s still barely over midnight, everyone is still celebrating, oblivious to how important this moment is to the two of you.

You really thought this would be the end. When he pulled away at midnight all hope was lost for you and it broke your heart to know that he will never choose you over his better judgment.

It’s your first time at Harry’s but you don’t really care to look around as the two of you make your way inside the townhouse, lips already melted together as you stumble through the dark hallway, not wanting to let go of each other. You successfully make it into his bedroom and Harry turns on the bedside lamp while you’re already eagerly getting rid of your coat and shoes. He does the same, clothes start to litter the hardwood flooring hastily, but neither of you is thinking about them. Harry scoops you into his arms once again, kissing your lips passionately as he bunches your dress up at your hips until he can finally grip the end of it and pull it over your head.

“Oh shit!” you giggle, the turtleneck getting stuck on your head for a moment before you’re free from it.

“That big head of yours,” he chuckles kissing your forehead.

“Shut up,” you smack his chest gently, pushing him down to the bed so you can straddle him, knees on his sides as you sit on his lap, lips meeting again.

He throws his hands up when you start pulling his t-shirt up and once the fabric is off of his body, his arms wrap around you, pulling you close to his chest. Your skin meets his and it feels heavenly, only little clothing separating the two of you at this point.

Harry scoots backwards and then throws you to the mattress, getting on top of you without your lips ever parting. His hips are pushed against yours and you can feel everything through the thin material of his slacks. Without even knowing you grind your hips, your core meeting his erection in the movement and he moans uncontrollably at the sensation.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he breathes against your lips and you can’t push your smirk down at his reaction.

“Yeah, fuck me, Harry,” you tease him before your lips get occupied once again.

His hands work fast. He unclasps your bra without you even noticing, the straps falling from your shoulders before he gets rid of it, throwing it across the room as if it did something against him. When his hungry eyes fall down on your naked chest you see the same kind of torture in his eyes that was there when he was fighting with himself before.

“Harry, stop thinking,” you tell him, fingers massaging his scalp as you lace them through his hair. “It’s fine, we’re fine.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he questions again and you pull him down for a reassuring kiss.

“One hundred percent. I want this. I want you.”

“Oh God, I want you so bad,” he whines again, lips kissing down your jawline, neck and collarbone before they attack your breasts.

He cups them, licks and bites them, making you a whimpering mess underneath him every time his tongue meets your hot skin. This man will be the death of you. As he moves down your body, his fingers hook into the waistband of your panties and he glances up at your for reassurance once again, you nod eagerly, lifting your hips so he can easily glide the fabric down and off of your body. Harry sits up, eyes burning down on your naked body lying in front of him as he undoes his own pants, pushing them down his long legs until they join the rest on the floor. You push yourself up when his hands move to his boxers, you want to be the one to take them off. He gladly backs his hands off when you reach out and start tugging them down. He kneels on the bed as you pull the fabric down and his erection finally becomes free, making you ache for him immediately. Once the boxers are out of the way completely you want to reach out to touch him, but he stops you, hands wrapping around your wrist before they could reach him.

Your eyes snap up to meet his darkened gaze, questioning why he stopped you.

“Y/N, I… If we do this, there’s no going back,” he breathes out with a pained look. You push yourself up to your knees so you meet his height, hands cupping his cheeks as you pull him into a sweet kiss that he hesitantly but returns.

“I know what you think about us, Harry, but I assure you, that I’m completely fine with it. But if you don’t want it to happen, we can just… lie here. I’m fine with that too. Kissing you was already such a gift for me,” you smile at him, gently pecking his lips.

“I just don’t want you to wake up and regret it. I’m not pushing you, right?”

“If anyone, it’s me pushing you,” you chuckle softly, a small smile tugging on his lips as well. “You didn’t push anything on me, alright? We are both adults and it’s completely fine. We’ll figure out the rest, I just want to focus on you now. Can I do that?”

Harry nods, still looking a little unsure, but you can tell he is starting to settle in his mindset. It’s not just him that worries about the other regretting something. You know how torn up he is about anything that’s about you and though you want him more than anything, you still don’t want to push him into doing something he is not entirely comfortable with.

“Do you want this?” you softly ask, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I do. I’m just—“

“Then it’s all good, Harry. We both want it, nothing else matters for now,” you tell him, wanting nothing else than to finally see him enjoy himself entirely. “Lay down for me,” you tell him, feeling like you taking the lead is a good idea now.

He does as you asked him to, lying down on the mattress, head sinking into his pillow as he blinks up at you, watching you swing a leg over him before settling to sit on his thighs.

“Can I touch you?” you ask, wanting to make sure he feels completely comfortable with you. Pleasing him is your number one priority right now. He nods, lips parting as he watches your hand reach out and wrap around the base of his erected length. He whimpers under your touch, his eyes fall closed when you gently pump him a few times, his cock fits so well in your palms, like pieces of a puzzle.

Leaning down you kiss his fern tattoos on each sides of his hips before placing one to his leaking tip, sliding your hands to the base before you slowly and gradually take him into your mouth.

You’re not planning to make him cum with your mouth, but you’ve been dying to taste him and it’s just as good as you imagined. The way his body reacts to your touch, the noises that leave his kissable lips, this man is completely out of this world and you want to explore every inch of his body.

You bob your head a couple of times, just enough to wet his length and work him up for what’s coming next. When you let him go of your mouth and you move a little up on his body so that his cock can be lined up with your hole, you look at him to see if he is still down to continue. One hand holding his cock, the other one flat on his naked chest, you ask him a question with your eyes that he answers with his hands squeezing your hips.

“I have the implant. Do you want to put on a condom?” you ask him at last.

“I trust you,” he breathes out. “Do you want me to put one on?”

“I want to feel you,” you tell him shaking your head.

“Okay,” he nods so it’s settled.

Leaning down you peck his lips one last time before you push the head inside and then slowly ease yourself down on his throbbing length.

“Oh fuck!”

“Harry, oh my God!” you both moan at the sensation of him finally entering you. You’ve had your fair share of sexual intercourses throughout your life, but none of them felt this good. None of them pleasured you this good so fast and easily, just the feel of him being inside you is making you lose your mind.  

You start off slow, wanting to feel him just right, get used to his size, but as soon as you feel more comfortable, you pick up a faster pace. His fingers are digging into your flesh at your hips as he holds onto you for dear life, panting and moaning at your motions. He glides in and out of you perfectly, setting your senses on fire practically.

“Harry, you feel so good,” you gasp, getting lost in the feeling. Sex has always been a good experience for you, but with Harry it’s a whole different story. As if he just opened a completely new world you never even knew about before.

“Yeah? You’re gonna cum for me?”

“Yes! Oh fuck!”

Harry pushes himself up, an arm coming around your back as he easily flips the two of you over, your back gently hitting the soft mattress. He holds himself up above you, lips crashing with yours as he starts to do the work this time, thrusting in and out of you, his hips smacking against yours forcefully as you both nearing the end.

“You’re making me lose my fucking mind, Y/N,” he cries out, head falling to the crook of your neck and you wrap your arms around him as a shield, holding him tight against you.

It doesn’t take long after that. He is hitting just the right spots, making you moan his name over and over again as your orgasm slowly devours you and washes over your whole body while he is still relentlessly moving.

“Harry! Oh… Fuck!” you gasp, legs and hands shaking and you clench your muscles around him, throwing him over the edge with you. He falls out of his rhythm, his cock twitching inside you as he moans against the hot skin of your neck, coming undone in your arms.

Nothing has ever felt this intense and mind-blowing and you’re now sure you’re addicted to him, there’s no turning back, not that you want that.

He collapses on top of you, still inside you, his body weighing down on you heavily, but it feels just fine. You run your arms up and down his sides, kissing the side of his head as you are both trying to catch your breath. It takes a few minutes for him to come back to reality with you, he lifts his head and moves to the side so he is not crushing you anymore, but an arm remains thrown over your abdomen. His vibrant green eyes are shining like never before when they meet your tired gaze and cupping his face in your palm you pull him in for a slow kiss where you finally have the time to actually taste him without the rushing of your own needs and urges.

“How are you feeling?” you softly asking, knowing well how major this was for him. You wouldn’t want him to spiral and start to self-destruct because of what just happened.

“I’m feeling fine,” he murmurs lowly, his fingers dancing on your naked side. “Just still a little torn if I did the right thing.”

“You worry too much. We did nothing wrong.”

“Not sure everyone would agree with that.”

“Fuck everyone else,” you chuckle and a smile tugs on his lips as well. “I will not feel bad for having the best sex of my life with a hot as fuck man I’m really into,” you bluntly tell him, earning a smug grin.

“Best sex of your life, huh?”

“Not even ashamed to admit,” you nod into the pillow. “How… was it for you?” you shyly ask, afraid his answer might disappoint you. But Harry pulls you closer until you’re pressed up against his chest, his lips capture yours, kissing you fiercely, making your heart skip a few beats for sure.

“Fucking amazing, baby. Probably the best I ever had too,” he admits, lips brushing against yours as he speaks. A satisfied sigh leaves your lips as you nuzzle against his chest once he has rolled to his back.

Silence comes over the two of you, you’re listening to his steady heartbeat, mindlessly drawing patterns over his chest. Lifting your head your eyes meet his and you can tell he has been thinking hard about what this all means for the future now.

“I’m in,” you simply tell him.

“Huh?”

“If you are thinking that I might not want to do this with you, that I just wanted a good fuck, that’s not what I think of this. If you want to give us a chance, I’m totally in.”

“You think we can make it work?” he quietly asks, his voice barely more than just a whisper.

“Of course,” you smile at him warmly. “You don’t?”

“I do, I’m just… there are so many things that can go wrong.”

“Then… we’ll make them right.”

Harry breathes out through his nose, clearly having a hard time to take it as easy as you do and you wish you could magically make all his doubts go away.

Sitting up you put your hands on each of his sides, looking down at him determined to bring out his confidence in the two of you.

“We just have to be patient and careful until I finish. Then we are basically free. That’s just one more semester. It could be way worse, we can make it work for a couple of months before we can finally do whatever we want. That doesn’t sound that bad, does it?” Harry shakes his head, reaching up he tugs your hair behind your ear before running his fingers down the side of your face.

“So we are really doing this?” he breathes out, a small smile on his sweet, pink lips.

“Well, I’m surely not giving up on this, we came a long way to be here,” you chuckle. “Question is, are you gonna give up on us? On… me?”

“Hell no,” he chuckles softly as he shakes his head. You smile down at him and leaning down you peck his lips tenderly.

“Then… we really are doing this.”

SEQUEL: 🌊 AN OCEAN AWAY 🌊

-

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[viastro]

kiss later | yoon jeonghan

ミ★ synopsis: by you putting jeonghan into a chokehold over him taking your banana milk, you and him were assigned to clean the classroom for two hours after classes ended. it doesn’t help that jeonghan is your sworn enemy, now does it?

ミ★ genre: enemies to lovers!au, humor, fluff, slight spice

ミ★ warnings: jeonghan’s just a little shit

ミ★ word count: 2,655

ミ★ pairings: jeonghan x female reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys! it’s been a while since i’ve written a oneshot, my apologies hehe. i’ve been spending a lot of my time in trying to finish my upcoming jun series, remember us. i’d like to thank you guys again because i just hit 1,000 followers today! that’s a huge ass number and i never expected it to happen HBKSHTE but yeah that’s enough being sappy. i hope you guys enjoy this oneshot! 

“You’re the absolute bane of my existence.” You seethe, glaring at the handsome guy who’s cleaning the whiteboard across the room. Jeonghan just flashes you a shit eating smile, the type that makes his eyes disappear, before replying, “I feel the exact same way, sweetheart.” 

You bite the inside of your cheek in an attempt to prevent yourself from going feral, and Jeonghan turns back towards the whiteboard, spraying more cleaner onto the surface. You glance at the desk, frowning at the dirty wood as you begin wiping it again with a sponge.

Here the two of you are. An hour after classes ended, cleaning the whole classroom as punishment for what occurred earlier in the day. It doesn’t help that you and Jeonghan are quite literally enemies. How the feud began? You don’t know. That’s actually a lie, you know exactly when and why the two of you began hating each other.

“Jeonghan! Hannie!” Jeonghan glances up from his journal at the call of his name, noticing Seungcheol speedily passing through the other students filing into the classroom. He lets out a small smile once his friend makes it to his desk, practically panting at how fast he sped over. “Good morning to you too, Cheol.” 

“Did you hear?”

“About your rash? Cause I did. Do you want my cream-”

“No! This isn’t about- wait. How did you even hear about that?” Seungcheol asks, now looking more confused. Jeonghan gives him a grin, waving his hand to try and change the subject. “Not important, what did you sprint over here for?”

“Oh yeah. There’s a pretty new student being transferred to our class today. She came from Jeju Island. I feel kinda bad because it’s already our last year in high school and she has to make new friends.” Jeonghan raises an eyebrow in interest, about to ask where Seungcheol heard the news, only to turn his head when he hears their professor announce his presence.

“Good morning class, today we have a new student joining us.” He states, placing his papers down onto the podium in the front of the class. Seungcheol pats Jeonghan on the back, before walking over to his own desk. “You can come in.” 

You let out a breath, pushing your hair behind your ear, before stepping into the classroom. Immediately the whispers begin, and you feel your heart fall at the thought that your classmates may be making fun of you already. Jeonghan raises an eyebrow in interest, leaning forward onto his desk in an attempt to try and get a better look at you since you’ve been staring at the floor since you stepped into the classroom. You walk up beside the podium, and turn to face the class. 

“Introduce yourself.” Your professor whispers, and you nod your head. You finally look up at the class, and you feel warmth rise to your cheeks when you hear some of them comment on how they think you’re pretty. You let out a smile, and the class lets out a quiet, ah, at the sight.

“Hi, I’m yln yn. I moved here from Jeju Island, and I hope that you guys will take care of me.” You state, and your professor begins discussing the basic things he’s supposed to when introducing a new student to the class. You glance around the classroom, and lock eyes with a- holy shit he’s so fucking beautiful.

The ethereal looking boy you locked eyes with has black hair that falls over his forehead softly, and piercing eyes that are staring directly back at you. He has high cheekbones, and soft, pink lips, and- 

you’re staring. 

You turn away, feeling heat rush to your face, and Jeonghan lets out a small smile when he takes notice of your gaze looking at everything but him. He leans back into his seat, feeling intrigued by you once you refuse to glance his way after the teacher leads you to your desk. 

You sit down, placing your backpack beside your chair. You unzip it as quietly as you can, before reaching into your bag to grab your journal and pencil pouch. Once they’re in your possession, you sit back up straight and place them onto your desk. Glancing up from the tabletop, you feel a pair of eyes on you, and you turn your head to see the handsome guy from earlier looking at you with a small smile on his face.

You bow your head towards him, before turning back and attempting to pay attention to your professor’s lecture. You raise your hands to your face and cup your cheeks, covering the oncoming warmth.

Jeonghan grins, resting his chin on his hand, taking small glances at you for the rest of the period. 

Jeonghan was apparently so intrigued by you, that he didn’t know how to properly display it. His way of showing interest in a person, is being an annoying shithead. He had to explain that to Seungcheol when they first became friends because he was always offended whenever Jeonghan would cheat during one of their games. Or the time where he was so annoying when they’d play league that Seungcheol actually left the discord server once, so Jeonghan went to apologize. That’s just how Yoon Jeonghan is, he’d do anything to beat the people he cares about in a game.

but he never explained that to you.

“Dodgeball? Shouldn’t that game be banned…” You ask Tzuyu as you line up on the opposite side of the gym as the other team. She shrugs her shoulders, picking up a green ball and handing it to you, “It really should be. I heard that last year a girl got a whole ass black eye from this game.” 

“If I get a black eye from dodgeball, I’m absolutely going to hate the person who threw that ball.” You mutter, and Tzuyu lets out a laugh, shaking her head. You look at who’s competing against you on the other side of the gym, only to lock eyes with Jeonghan. His lips quirk up at the corner, and you raise an eyebrow at the sight.

what is he planning? You wonder once he looks away. You glance down at the floor, trying to fight back the warmth rushing to your cheeks, cursing yourself for still being so affected by the ethereal looking man. While Jeonghan watches you from his side of the gym once the PE coach places the whistle in his mouth, grinning at the thought of getting you out of the game.

“Let’s go.” Jeonghan mutters under his breath once the sound of the whistle resonates through the room, and he chucks the ball in your direction.

The last thing you see is the ceiling as everyone begins to surround you, asking if you’re okay. 

You glare at the memory of Jeonghan chucking the ball at your face, still managing to feel the embarrassment you felt that day all the same. You scrub the desk more aggressively, feeling anger coursing through your veins at the fact that Jeonghan is the reason you’re even here after hours anyways.

After Jeonghan made you blackout within the first few seconds of dodgeball, your guys’ dynamic did a complete 180 since he never apologized. Which may have been your fault since you started to be aggressive towards him but that’s a secret you’ll never tell. It went from the two of you smiling whenever you made eye contact, to you and Jeonghan getting into each other's faces when the other made a snarky comment. From asking each other for help on questions, to mocking each other when the latter would get the answer wrong. Instead of borrowing a pencil from the other, it’s now attempted murder with a 0.1 led mechanical pencil whenever it’s deemed necessary.

god. you loathe that handsome ass bitch.

Alright, you may still find Jeonghan incredibly attractive and quite literally your ideal type, but you will never admit that. 

You bite the inside of your cheek, before slamming the sponge down onto the desk, causing Jeonghan to turn to look at you with a bored expression on his face. “You know what!” 

“You have something else to complain about?” Jeonghan asks, and you internally scream. You walk up to him, and his eyes slightly widen at the close proximity between you two when you stand a few feet away from him. 

“We’re only stuck here cleaning the whole fucking clasroom because you’re an imbecile!” You shout, and Jeonghan’s eyes immediately squint at you. 

“An imbecile? Says the one who thought I stole her banana milk and decided to choke me!” 

“You literally did! It was on my desk when I went to the bathroom, and I came back to it being gone and in your hands!” 

“Finders keepers.” 

“That’s not how it works!” 

You step back into the classroom after using the restroom, walking over to your desk and taking a seat. You frown when you notice the banana milk you brought no longer sitting at the corner of your tabletop, and you look around your desk to see if it may have fallen, but it’s nowhere in sight.

“Where the fuck-” You look up once you hear that familiar god forsaken laugh, and your eyes land on the banana milk you brought in Jeonghan’s hands as he talks to his friend, Seungcheol. You squint, standing up and walking over to his desk without a second thought.

“Oh, hi...” Seungcheol begins, but trails off once he notices how angry you are. Jeonghan glances up at you, flashing a smirk.

“Hey yn.”

“That’s my banana milk.”

“Is it? I just found it around the classroom.” Jeonghan responds boredly, and you feel your eye twitch.

“Yeah. On my desk.” You state, and Jeonghan smiles at how annoyed you look. You clench your fists in an attempt to stop you from doing what you’re thinking, and it almost works. Until Jeonghan decides to open his mouth again.

“Guess you shouldn’t have left it out.” You reach out and grab the banana milk, squeezing it tightly and watching as it explodes onto Jeonghan’s face and uniform. Seungcheol raises a hand to his mouth in shock, and you just let out a quiet laugh at Jeonghan’s reaction. He reaches up and wipes his face with his hands, standing up from his seat and looking down into your eyes. 

“What the fuck is your problem yn?” Jeonghan asks in a cold voice, anger apparent in his voice as he stares at you. You give him a smile, “Oops. I didn’t even notice it was full.” 

Jeonghan lets out a laugh, before reaching down and grabbing the banana milk. He pours the rest over your head without another word, and your mouth drops open at the action. Jeonghan leans down so that you’re eye to eye, and gives you a shit-eating grin. “It’s what you deserved.” 

You attempt to count to three, you truly do. However, next thing you know, you’re being pulled off of Jeonghan by Seungcheol, and the professor is assigning you and Jeonghan detention. 

The punishment? Staying at school for two hours after classes ended to clean the classroom.

“You know, I’m not the only one to blame. You reacted like a fucking child when you saw that I took your drink, when you could’ve just asked for it back.” Jeonghan states, snapping you out of your memory. Your eyes practically bulge out of their sockets at the complete lie he just told you, wishing to just remember you choking Jeonghan for those godly few seconds.

but alas...

“No you wouldn’t have! You absolutely would not have given it back if I asked because you’re a shithead!” You shout, taking a step closer and getting into his face. Jeonghan glares down at you, not backing down from the challenge. 

“Maybe if you weren’t so fucking infuriating. After what happened during gym a few months ago you always had such a horrible attitude towards me! You didn’t even give me the chance to explain or apologize!” You gape at Jeonghan, struggling to find words to retaliate with. He rolls his eyes, reaching back out towards the towel to begin cleaning the whiteboard again. 

“Oooo! You wanna kiss me so bad!” Jeonghan turns to glance at you, frown apparent on his features. 

“What?”

“You want to kiss me!! You wanna kiss me so fucking bad!!” You shout once more, and Jeonghan clenches his fist at his side. 

“You, Yoon Jeonghan, want to kiss me!” Jeonghan’s tongue darts out to lick his lips, and you feel your heartbeat rapidly beat against your chest as the two of you stare at each other in silence. “Say that one more time, I fucking dare you.” Jeonghan states, and your eyebrows furrow as more rage builds up within your body.

You open your mouth to say it again when suddenly Jeonghan’s reaching out and resting his hand on your neck, pulling you close and pressing his lip to yours. Your eyes immediately widen at the contact, before you slowly melt into his arms and entangle your hand into his hair. 

The kiss is full of anger, the two of you clashing and biting each other's lips. However, you can’t deny the feeling of butterflies in your stomach. While Jeonghan can’t hide the fact that he’s literally blushing and the goosebumps rising onto his skin the more he kisses you. 

“You’re so,” Jeonghan’s hands fall onto your hips and lift you up onto the desk mid-sentence. “fucking,” You bite his bottom lip and he pinches your waist in retaliation, eliciting a squeal from you. “infuriating.” 

“Me? Infuriating?!”

“Just be quiet and kiss me.”

“You’re the one who’s annoying!”

After a moment of the two of you bickering in between kisses, you both pull away, foreheads resting against the others as you stare into each other's eyes. You have a lot of questions, as does Jeonghan, but do you want to ask them right now? 

“You’re annoying.” You state, feeling the anger simmer down. Jeonghan laughs at the pout on your lips, pressing a kiss onto the tip of your nose. “It’s my brand, pretty. I like riling up the people I’m interested in, but I may have went a bit too far with you.” 

“You think? You made me pass out during dodgeball.” You tell him, and Jeonghan smiles. 

“I’m sorry for chucking the ball too hard at you and for apologizing so late. I was too embarrassed to go up to you and tell you I was sorry.” Jeonghan explains, and you shrug your shoulders. 

“I guess it’s okay, I never really gave you a chance to anyways.” You mutter, and he giggles, making your heart flip within your chest at the sound. Jeonghan leans back to his full height, glancing around the empty classroom, before turning his head to look at the clock. 

5:45 PM.

Jeonghan turns his head back toward you, and gives you a mischievous grin. You raise an eyebrow at the sight, already beginning to feel suspicious at that familiar look, “What?” 

“Do you wanna spend the last 15 minutes cleaning the exact same desks you already cleaned? Or do you wanna make out on this table?” 

Feeling heat immediately rush to your face at the question, you raise a hand up to your cheek. Jeonghan’s mouth drops open slightly in awe at sparkles in your eyes, feeling his heart warm slightly. You grin at him, “I think there’s an obvious answer to that question.” 

Jeonghan smiles, raising his hands up to cup your face, and you stare into his eyes. “You know we still need to talk about us after, right?” 

“Of course.”

“Okay, great.” You let out a breath, and Jeonghan chuckles soon afterwards. He shakes his head, before leaning in and capturing your lips once again. 

[screamingatanemptyroom]

I Can’t Eat Love pt 30

Okay, next part. This one’s a doozy, guys. 

Master post linked here (I swear I’ll update it) :) 

Enjoy!

________________________

“The King made his move.” Rig frowned as he spoke, staring around the shop with a grim expression.

Hallers, Lia, and Marile, who had just arrived to be present for the store’s grand opening, looked at each other with dismay. I leaned back in my chair, setting down the financial reports Henry had asked me to glance over and studied Rig closely.

“What happened?” My voice was cold. I clenched my fists in my lap, remembering the King’s expression the day of the Queen’s birthday.

“Bandits broke into the Duchy’s main residence. They ransacked a few rooms, stealing a few paintings and such, but the worst of the damage was in your room.” Rig’s gaze was filled with anger. “The objects they stole weren’t even worth much, they obviously weren’t thieves.”

“He sent men to kill me.” It wasn’t a question. I felt a moment of relief. We hadn’t announced that I had left for Tilendria yet, instead reporting that I was ill and stuck in bed. It seemed that our deception had worked in my favor.

Rig nodded. “I just received word, but it happened the night I left, likely before word from the Tilendrian court reached him.”

“I’m sure he knows where you are now.” Marile looked worried, grabbing my hand and holding it tightly. “He’s not going to be happy with your presence here.”

“He never would have been happy, unless I was under his control.” I muttered. Seeing all of their concerned faces, I couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. At least I have the whole team here now.” I laughed lightly. “Moving all my staff, people would think I’m moving to Tilendria permanently. How silly is that?”

“…” Everyone in the room stared at me with an odd expression. From upstairs I could hear Erica shouting angrily, as her husband tried to calm her down.

Ignoring that, I went over the intelligence reports with Rig, the issues with our other store branches with Marile and the upcoming schedule and social plans with Hallers and Lia. The meeting was proceeding well, but as we moved the discussion to the Tilendrian nobility, Rig interrupted, looking uncomfortable.

“There’s one more thing… A rumor is going around in the Tilenderian court.”

I raised an eyebrow. “A rumor? How shocking.”

Rig sighed. “They’re saying that you’re a thief, girl.”

“A THIEF?!” Hallers burst out, enraged. “Preposterous!”

I held up a hand, and he stopped speaking. “What are they claiming I stole?” My voice was quiet. 

“The dress you wore at the welcoming party.” Rig shook his head. “They claimed that you could never afford it, and so you must have stolen it.”

“I designed that dress for this girl myself!” Marile looked indignant. “Do they want to start a fight?! Because I’ll give it to them!”

Hallers nodded in agreement with a grim smile. To my surprise even the shy and quiet Lia was cracking her knuckles as if waiting to punch someone. Seeing their protective appearance, I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing.

“Leave it for now.” I answered once I caught my breath. 

Marile looked unhappy. “But…?”

“The truth will be clear in just a few days.” Smiling I dismissed everyone except Rig. 

“Do you have something else to say?” I asked, having recognized his expression at the end of the meeting.

He sighed. “How do you catch little things like this and remain so dense in others?” Sitting down again, closer, he spoke quietly. “I worry about the origin of the rumors.”

“Isn’t it just Lady Rose?” I was surprised.

“She was involved, but there’s someone else behind the scenes. The rumors had just a bit too much truth in them. About the financial state of the Duchy. About your past actions as a young woman.” Rig looked embarrassed.

“You mean when I was a starry eyed idiot who chased the prince.”

He flinched at my annoyed words. “Whoever is helping Lady Rose seems to know you well, but doesn’t have very current information. They obviously don’t know about some of the financial reforms in the duchy, or your thriving business.”

“Hmm…” A few suspicions flashed through my mind, but I put them aside. “Thank you for letting me know.”

Rig started to move, but I waved him back to his seat. “We need to have a plan for the future. Otherwise we’ll die at the King’s hand.”

He stared at me, obviously shocked by my cold tone. “What’s the plan?”

I silently started writing a list for him, and as he read it his face turned pale. “Lenora… this…?”

“I know what I’m asking for, Rig. Can you get it?”

He shook his head slowly, but it wasn’t a denial. “If we do this… we can’t go back.”

“Only use people who are willing. Compensate them well and ensure their safety. This isn’t my first choice, either. But if he pushes me too hard... “ I sneered. “Then he’ll regret it.”

Rig smiled. “Remind me never to get on your bad side.” He paused. “Speaking of… are you still mad at the young prince?”

I flinched, feeling embarrassed. “I’m not mad at Nate.” 

“Really? It sounds like you’ve been trying to avoid him since the party?” His voice was skeptical and I looked around, not wanting to meet his gaze.

“It’s nothing.” My voice had no strength behind it.

The truth was, since the party, I had felt very confused. The sight of Nate, a bright smile on his face that was still stained with tears as he kissed my hand was burned into my brain. My chest hurt every time I thought of it, a familiar yet foreign emotion plaguing me day and night. 

I need to stay away from him. I felt terrified, down to my very core. Something deep inside me screamed that if I spent too much more time around him, I would untangle the confusion surrounding my heart at these thoughts, and know clearly what was going on. 

I didn’t want to know the truth.

It had taken much more effort than I expected to avoid him. The morning after the party he had tried to visit me, but I left before he could arrive. Instead, Hallers caught him. I heard rumors that the butler had lectured the prince for several hours before letting him go. I would have thought that would diminish his determination to see me, but if anything he looked for me more, causing me to spend more and more time out of the palace these past few days.

Even though my plans had been so far successful, though, I didn’t feel any sense of victory or accomplishment. I felt worse than ever, the pain in my chest worse. I didn’t think about him less even when I was away. Instead, he was in my thoughts more than ever before.

I didn’t know what to do.

Some of my desperation must have shown on my face, because Rig’s face relaxed, and he patted me on the shoulder.

“Figure these things out at your own pace, girl. But try not to be too hard on the boy, he’s a good kid who’s trying his best.”

I nodded silently, unsure of what to say.

________________________

The days before the store’s grand opening passed quickly. The rumors intensified around the nobility, growing more and more outrageous. Some said that I stole money from the royal family and that was why my previous engagement was canceled. Or That I had bullied my servants, casting out my personal maid because I couldn’t afford her. OrThat I had embezzled funds from the Duchy to fund my private affairs.

Even some of the palace maids were giving me uncomfortable looks as I walked down the hallway, with the exception of the two I scolded after having caught them talking about Nate my first night here. For some reason they staunchly supported me, claiming all the rumors were definitely nonsense.

Confused, I asked them why they were so confident, one of them simply replied with a smile and a curtsey “Milady is much too terrifying to perform a simple crime as stealing!

The other maid nodded, “Exactly! All the mistress would have to do is smile, and many would simply had out money out of fear! As for sending away servants,  why would that happen? Obviously they were too faint hearted to stand at your side!”

Both of them smiled with guile, obviously happy to explain.  

“…” I felt as though they were trying to compliment me, but it was simply too bizarre. I smiled uncomfortably and thanked them for their efforts.

________________________

A few days before the grand opening of Prosperity, I received a message from Erica that I was urgently needed at the store.

I took Hallers along, my mind racing as I thought about what could have possibly gone wrong. There was no answer when I knocked at the door, so I simply opened it. However, just as I was about to enter the shop, Erica rushed out and pushed me in alone, locking the door behind me.  

Shocked, I looked through the small window pane in the door. 

“What is going on?!” I tried to open the door, but it was blocked.

Erica grinned. “You’re not coming out until you two talk!”

Two? Looking around, I saw Nate sitting in the shop.

I pounded on the door. “Hallers! Let me out!”

Hallers stepped closer, but Erica jumped him, tackling the butler to the gorund. “DON’T YOU DARE WASTE ALL OUR CAREFUL PLANNING!”

Looking up from where she had placed poor Hallers in a headlock, she laughed. “You have no choice, Lenora! You have to talk about emotions!” Her laugh sounded slightly deranged.

Sighing, I stepped away from the door, sitting down at the table across from Nate.

“Did you arrange this?” My voice was neutral, but inside my heart was pounding with anxiety.

Nate shook his head slowly. “I’ve been stopping by every day, trying to make sure you were doing alright with all these rumors going about, but Hallers and Rig won’t let me see you without you agreeing.” He sighed. “Even Lia is fiercely protective of you! But today they kidnapped me, and brought me here without explanation.”

I felt a sting of guilt. “I’m sorry, they were rude.”

“Don’t be.” He smiled at me, and my heart skipped a beat at the sight. “I’m glad you’re well protected, even if it’s from me.”

“…” I didn’t know what to say. I still hadn’t untangled my feelings from the party, and the longer I was near him, the more uncomfortable I felt.

“I’m sorry, Lenora.” His quiet apology broke me from my thoughts.

I looked up at him, surprised that he seemed so downcast. “What do you have to apologize for?”

“I offended you the night of the party right?” He groaned, covering his face with his hands. “I don’t remember all the details, but I must have been rude or inappropriate or…”

“No!” I reached out and touched his arm reassuringly, only to draw it back as touching him made me feel even more awkward. “It was nothing you did! You were a perfect gentleman, even drunk!”

I laughed, trying to reassure him, but if anything he looked even more depressed. “But then why are you avoiding me?” He thought for a few moments, and then looked up to meet my eyes. I flinched at the pain I saw there, my chest hurting. “I remember you said you didn’t hate me… even after…” Nate paused, running a hand through his hair. “Did you change your mind?”

“You think I’m avoiding you because of what happened to your brother?” Panicked I shook my head back and forth. “NO! I promise that’s not it!” 

“Then why?” I expected him to raise his voice, but instead, the question was a broken whisper. The sound made me want to cry.

“I… I don’t know.” I reached out and grabbed his hand, ignoring the furious beating of my heart. “I’m sorry. It was not your fault. I’m just confused.”

He tilted his head. “Confused?”

“I…” I hesitated, but continued, feeling I owed him the truth. “I’ve not been myself around you, I felt strange and I’m not sure why. It made me uncomfortable, so I avoided you.”

I hung my head, thinking that my words would upset him.

“Really?” To my shock, his voice sounded really upbeat. I looked up, only to see his beaming expression. 

“Yes?” My answer came out as a question, but he simply looked up at the ceiling, laughing for a few moments. I watched him, concerned. “Nate?”

He waved his free hand, the other still tightly clutching my own. “I’m fine. I’m just so very relieved.”

He reached out, tucking a free strand of hair behind my ear. “You’ve been feeling anxious about this, right? Well, for now, don’t worry about it too much, Lenora. Figure things out at your own pace. I’ll be waiting.”

With that, he stood up, knocking on the door. “We’re finished talking, Erica.”

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” Her shout came through the door, frustrated.

He laughed, the happy and relaxed expression on his face catching my attention, causing me to be dazed for a few moments. “Nothing good happens quickly or easily.”

“FINE!” Erica unlocked the door, her glaring expression causing me to laugh. “Keep laughing, oh mighty dense master! We’ll see who’s laughing in the end!” 

I looked at her, shaking my head slightly. “Aren’t I your boss?”

She rolled her eyes. “Trust me, you need all the help you can get.”

________________________

The day of the grand opening arrived.

I stood off to the side, admiring the large crowd that gathered outside the store. The street was packed with people, all chatting excitedly. Some children ran up and were peeking in the windows. Women of all ages dominated the crowd, each with a eager expression as they stared up at the closed door. Streamers waved in the wind, making the sight particular festive.

This should be a success. I smiled as I watched, feeling satisfied.

“Good crowd.” Someone spoke in my ear, startling me. Looking over my shoulder, I saw it was Nate, a happy grin on his face as he stood just behind me.

I felt myself blush, and frustrated, I turned back towards the store. “Could always be better.”

He laughed at my disgruntled tone. “You still have a little while before the opening, don’t worry. More people will arrive.”

I just nodded in response and we stood together in silence. Ever since our forced talk, we had been spending time together again. I still felt uneasy at my own complicated reactions to him, but if anything he seemed even more enthused. He held my hand constantly, bringing me around the town. He was always standing near me, saying silly things to make me smile. Every night he would bring me to the kitchens and cook a new meal, asking for my opinion. When I told him I could simply order my food from the kitchen staff, and he didn’t’ need to bother, he frowned, pouting.

“Don’t you like my food better?”

I did, and felt I couldn’t argue further. Even as I worked through my own confusion, though, I felt more relaxed being near him than I ever did avoiding him. I smiled to myself and continued watching the crowd, my eyes slipping up to the nearby platform where the king and queen sat.

“Nice of your parents to show up to an event like this.”

“They wanted to support you.” He chuckled. “They like you.”

“That’s nice, royalty typically don’t.” I joked back, but he simply sighed loudly.

“What are you talking about? Queen Amerande loves you like a daughter.”

“Yeah but…”

“And I…” He paused, his face turning bright red.”I...”

 “Prince Nathaniel! You shouldn’t stand so close to a thief! She might pick your pockets!” A mocking voice interrupted him, and we both turned to see Lady Rose, who stood nearby with an arrogant expression.

From nearby I heard Erica’s strangled scream of outrage from nearby. “HOW DARE SHE RUIN THE MOMENT?!” 

 I glanced over to see her hiding behind a pillar we had been standing near with a furious expression, Robert pulling her back as she cursed loudly, glaring at the noblewoman.

Nate frowned at Rose, “You shouldn’t accuse people randomly.”

She stepped back, her eyes filling with fake tears. “Your Highness, don’t be fooled by that lying girl! She is really an embarrassment to the nobility!”

Her voice was loud and theatrical, and I smiled as I watched, curious as to the extent of her acting skills.

“Don’t be foolish!” Nate snapped, his anger surprising me. “She’s not an embarrassment to anyone! If anything she’s an example of what you should strive to be!”

“You’ve been deceived!” Rose shook her head, “I’ve learned all about her! Her family squandered all their money, gathering huge debts!”

I smiled. “They’ve long since been paid off.”

“She chased relentlessly after a man, trying to gain his affection!” Rose pointed at me dramatically, as if expecting a large reaction. I couldn’t help it, I laughed.

“Are you accusing me of spending time with someone who was my fiancé? 

“Well, you…” She hesitated, then continued with a confident expression after a moment of thought. “You were so terrible that even he broke the engagement.”

“He was of loose moral character, the Queen declared her completely innocent in this matter.” Nate interrupted, looking frustrated. “Now, if you don’t mind…”

“Well what about her dresses?!” She pointed at my gown, frantically. “With all her debt there’s no way she could afford it! She must have stolen something, or done something immoral!” 

I stared at her, my amusement slowly turning to boredom. Rig was right, she’s only someone else’s pawn. Lady Rose might be a vicious girl, who wanted to be queen, but she was the type to attack head on, with very little thought behind it. She couldn’t even be compared to Edith, who attacked from behind while wearing a perfect smile.

Thinking of Edith, I shuddered slightly, glad I had left her far behind. Hopefully now that she had gotten what she wanted, her and my path could never intersect again.

Lady Rose saw the movement, and her eyes lit up. “Look, Your Highness… She looks so guilty!”

Nate rubbed his head. “I’ve tried to be polite, but I’ve reached the end of my rope.” He sighed. “You’re an idiot, Lady Rose. “

Her eyes widened in shock. “What…?”

“Please refrain from speaking to me in the future.” He looked away from her, as if ignoring her presence.

Stunned, Rose turned towards me, her face enraged. “THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU THIEF!” She launched herself at me, but I stepped to the right, avoiding her, and she fell onto the ground between us. The crowd that had gathered around our argument laughed, and her face turned bright red.

In a way, I felt slightly sorry for her. She was a terrible person, but someone else had obviously fed her lies and sent her off to do their dirty work.  Not that I was inclined to help her too much. She opened her mouth again, but before she could say anything else, someone else spoke up. 

“EVERYONE, it’s time for the grand opening of Prosperity!” Erica stood up on the temporary stage outside the building with a smile. “We thank you for coming out to see our shop!!”

There was an excited buzz from the crowd, and Erica clapped her hands. “But before we officially open, I would like to invite the owner of the Prosperity business to come and say a few words.”

The noise from the crowd grew even louder. It was common knowledge that there was a noble owner of Prosperity that had never appeared publically. Their identity was a source of great speculation among the nobility. Part of the reason the crowd was so large for the event today was in fact because I had asked Rig to spread rumors that the owner would appear for the first time at this event. 

Smiling at their excitement, I stepped forward towards the stage. I stopped, however, as someone grabbed my arm, her fingers digging into my skin.

“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING, LENORA?!” Lady Rose shrieked. “I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!”

I laughed. “Sorry, Rosey! They called for me.”

Shaking off her hand, I stepped onto the stage next to Erica, and the crowd slowly silenced, shocked.

I gave a formal curtsey. “As the owner, I thank you all for coming today, and hope you enjoy our wonderful gowns and jewelry.” 

“…” The crowd stared, soft whispers breaking out throughout.

Suddenly the silence was broken by the Queen’s laugh. “Very good, girl! How funny those rumors are! They called you a thief for wearing a nice gown?” She chuckled. “You could buy every dress in this kingdom and still have money leftover!”

I curtsied again, my silence all the affirmation needed.

“IT CAN’T BE!” Rose’s belligerent scream was ignored, and I had Erica open the doors and start to serve the customers.

The rest of the event was performed without issue, Lady Rose, shocked into silence, had been brought home by her servants, and the rest of the nobility were apologetic for any distress I might have suffered.

________________________

As things were winding down, Nate and I were approached by the King and Queen who smiled brightly at me.

“Good work!” Nate’s Father shook my hand enthusiastically. “You have some wonderful business sense!”

I smiled back. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

“I must arrange to have you talk with our advisory team, your understanding of the current economic situation would be greatly appreciated!”

His words struck me as slightly odd, and I glanced over at Nate who was wearing a polite smile. “Well, if you want someone to advise on that, you have an expert standing right next to me.”

Nate’s eyes widened for a moment, and he looked at me, his smile turning genuine. “Don’t flatter me, I couldn’t match up to you.”

“Who helped me in the beginning stages of the business?” I shook my head. “I’m not saying I’m not talented.” I grinned. “Because I am. But Nate is a fantastic resource.”

The King frowned, obviously not expecting the conversation to turn in this direction.

 The Queen spoke up. “Well I thought you did a wonderful job. Especially the way you handled Lady Rose.” She sighed. “I once thought she was a nice girl, who knew she could be so underhanded. I can’t believe we actually were going to let George marry her!”

At the word “George” Nate flinched slightly, his smile disappearing. I felt my chest start to hurt, anger building at his obvious discomfort.

“Honestly, I wish you two could have met… you would be perfect…”

I couldn’t take it anymore, I grabbed both of the monarchs hands and pulled them away.

“WE NEED TO TALK!”

The guards stepped forward at my actions, but fortunately the Queen waved them away, allowing me to drag them to a more isolated spot away from Nate.

________________________

“What’s going on?”The Queen asked

“You need to stop hurting Nate.” My tone was stern as I stared them both down.

The King’s frown deepened. “How dare you insinuate that we would hurt our son?”

“Really?” I laughed, a cold sound. “Have you looked at him lately? If you had maybe you would see his heart breaking at being ignored by his parents, treated as if you wished that he was the one who died instead of his brother!”

“What…?” He tried to speak up again, but I ignored him, too furious to let him speak.

“Do you know that he blames himself for George’s death? That even though he has done everything you’ve ever asked of him and more that he thinks he’s not worthy of your affection?” I stomped my feet, shoving a finger in the king’s face. “Your son is a genius when it comes to political theory and economics, but refuses to show off because he doesn’t think he’s good enough! He’s kind, generous, gives everything he has for his people, and refuses to blame you too no matter how OBTUSE and HURTFUL your words are!”

I paused, trying to catch my breath, surprised to feel tears gathering in my eyes. “He’s a little too serious sometimes, and has a tendency to blame himself, but he’s a good man. One of the best. And you two are so wrapped up in the son that you lost, that you don’t even realizing that you’re slowly killing the one you have left!!!!”

“…” The couple was silent as I finished. The only sound was my own ragged breaths as I tried to get my emotions under control.

“We didn’t… I don’t… we couldn’t…” The king sputtered out a few times, and then fell silent, his expression thoughtful.

The Queen let out a long sigh. “We’ve hurt him.”

“Yes.” I nodded, wiping my eyes. 

She sighed again. “We’ve been grieving for what we lost so long. “ Looking over at the King she added. “We’ve lost sight of what we still have.”

Nate’s father stared silently, before reluctantly nodding his head. “Perhaps you’re right.”

She turned to me. “I was wrong. You and George wouldn’t have been perfect together.” She smiled. “Nate is fortunate to have such a wonderful person who loves him so much.”

Loves.

I stepped back, feeling the blood drain from my face. “No. I- I don’t…”

The Queen’s expression was confused. “You don’t? You seem to care about him very much, though. Why would you go so far out of your way for his happiness?”

I shook my head, taking a few more steps back. “Ex-excuse me.” Turning, I walked away, my mind racing.

No. No NO. NO. The word repeated in my head over and over. I didn’t, I couldn’t love him! Love was hopeless. Love would betray you.

________________________

“I love him so much!” I smiled, looking over at Edith who was watching me with a serious expression. “I’m going to marry him and be the best bride ever! I’ve worked so hard to learn how to be a good Queen, I’ll make him happy every day!”

Edith’s face didn’t change throughout my speech. “You really love him?”

“REALLY REALLY LOVE HIM!” I laughed, spinning around. I was a young girl, filled with hope, seeing only a bright future ahead of me.

 Edith smiled slowly. “Good. That’s good.”

________________________

 Had I suffered through the previous life for nothing? I had thought I loved Ronan more than anyone, tried my best to make him happy, and was abandoned by him immediately for someone else. My life spun out of control, my family abandoned me, and I died, starving on the streets. 

Had I gone though all that just to fall in love with a different prince?! 

I had thought i was safe. Even though Nate and I were close, i had even refused to call him my friend. It wasn’t the first time someone had suggested that i had feelings for him, but I had always denied even the possibility. But given everything that had happened in the past few weeks, could I still say that confidently?

I thought of all the time we had spent together. When had this started? How could I have been so careless?

Maybe this is different. I felt desperate, grasping at straws. He is so kind, he treats me so well. It was different from Ronan’s indifference, right? I was a different person, and so was he...

You thought the Queen cared for you too. The insidious thought wormed it’s way in. Thought she would always love you. But she abandoned you.

I shook my head. This life was different. She still cared. She hadn’t abandoned me! 

But this time…. I’m rich, I’m more powerful. Maybe I’m just useful?

What if one day Nate turned against me? I thought of his smiling face, imagining the look of disgust Ronan had shown me that day on his face.

________________________

“BUT I LOVE YOU!”

Ronan laughed at my tears. “Does that mean I have to love you back?”

He turned away, leaving me to cry alone. “I have to return to the party and find my true fiancé. I suggest you leave quietly.”

________________________

I was crying now, feeling despair. It was even worse than my pain in the last life. Back then I was shocked, I had naively thought love was a simple thing. That if I tried my best, and loved him enough, he would love me back.

 But now I knew. I was never meant to be loved. A different life, a different future, but still I had idiotically followed the same path, as if nothing had changed.

I was a fool.

Should I run away?

Before I could examine that too closely, I had returned to the main street in front of the store. Nate was standing there, his eyes concerned as he looked around the surrounding area, but his posture seemed… frustrated. 

His eyes fell on me, and he smiled, although the expression was strained. “LENORA! I’m glad you’re safe! I was looking for you!”

He stepped closer, and I backed away unconsciously, unsure of how to face him.

“Are you okay…?” He started to ask, his hand reaching out towards me, but his arm was stopped by a slender, feminine grasp.

“Lenora.” The soft voice made me shudder, as I looked up as saw the last person I wanted to see right now. I felt my chest tighten, my heart freezing in my chest as I coldly studied the girl who was grabbing Nate. Her smile was kind, but it only made me feel more trapped. “I’m so glad to see you again!”

I stared at her, wishing I was somewhere else. Anywhere else but here. 

“Hello, Edith.”

[dauntless-gothamite]

An Aroace in Need of Space...and Hamburgers [1/8]

Summary: A story in which Jughead Jones struggles with identity, Betty Cooper is the best friend he could ask for, and the two develop a Queerplatonic Relationship. They are perfectly happy, but there is one small problem: their friends don't understand their relationship, and they write it off as a romantic relationship, upsetting Betty and Jughead.

A/N: Hello, readers! This is something I felt the need to write because I am still upset that in the Riverdale T.V. show, Jughead is not portrayed as aromantic and asexual; however, he and Betty have great chemistry, and I want them to have more than friendship while maintaining Jughead's sexuality as is shown in the comics. Thank you, enjoy!

(originally posted on ao3)

Chapter 1: Not a Typical Thursday Morning

Jughead Jones walked through the halls of Riverdale High, making his way to the lounge area, hoping that at least one of his friends had a free period first; he did not want to spend the first hour of his day trying to ignore Reggie Mantle and Josie McCoy--the school's most recent couple--as they performed a sickening smooch-fest. Jughead frowned at the thought, recalling his last attempt to get Reggie and Josie to stop using the student lounge as a place to do things that were not school related. That resulted in some talk about how Reggie and Josie were simply teaching each other some new material for biology class." Jughead shook his head to clear the thought, and looked up at his friends as he entered the lounge, a smile replacing the disgusted expression he wore just a few moments earlier.

"Hey, Jughead, get over here!" Archie called from one of the couches, waving his hand in greeting. While making his way over to Archie, Jughead did a quick scan of the room and noted that there were several other students dispersed throughout the room, and he sighed in relief; at least one of them had to have a free period first.

"You do know there's no need to wave to me, right? I mean, did you think I wouldn't see the flaming red hair you insist isn't dyed?" Archie rolled his eyes, doing his best to act annoyed by Jughead's joke,  and moved to the end of the couch, making space for Jughead. Jughead chuckled and raised his hands in surrender, before saying "I was only kidding, Archie. So, what's up?" Archie's eyes brightened instantly, and he turned slightly to face Jughead. After quickly glancing around the room, Archie finally spoke, his voice so quiet it was almost a whisper.

"Ok, so you know how I said I kind of wanted to get to know Veronica, the new girl better? Well, it turns out she and Betty have become pretty good friends--I think they met trying out for the River Vixens or something, but I'm not really sure. Anyways, Betty, Veronica, and I all have English class together, and since we never learn anything in that class, I got to talk to Veronica a lot."

"Is she cool? Not that I don't trust Betty's choice in friends, I just want to know what she's into," Jughead asked curiously, doing his best not to sound like he was gossiping--there was enough of that at Riverdale High already, and he was certainly not going to add to it.

"If you're asking me if she's into D&D, motorcycles, card tricks, and writing for the school paper, the answer is no,"  Archie said in a tone that was half serious, half joking. At that, Jughead groaned and threw his hands up in exasperation, leaning further back into the couch.

"Ok, but that isn't the point," Archie continued. "The point is that Betty had the great idea that we take her to Pop's so she can get to know the town a bit better."

"Well, how can I say no to a hamburger?" Jughead smirked, and Archie chuckled in amusement.

"Ok, we're going to meet up there tonight after football practice ends," and Jughead nodded in confirmation, and Archie stood up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "Alright, I've got math class, and you know how the teacher gets if people are late. Besides, I've already been marked tardy twice in that class, and that's just in the last month and a half!"

"Ok, see you later," Jughead said, raising a hand in some kind of goodbye wave, despite not actually turning around. As he leaned down to get his computer out of his backpack, he felt someone sit down in the space Archie had been sitting in, and he glanced over his shoulder to see who it was. Much to his relief, it was Kevin Keller, and while they weren't particularly close, they still considered each other friends. Sitting back up, computer in hand, Jughead smiled in greeting at Kevin. "What's up?' he asked, already opening his computer and pulling up half-finished documents for the next edition of the school newspaper, the Blue and Gold.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about the Blue and Gold." This peaked Jughead's interest, and he stopped typing to look at Kevin in surprise.

"Are you interested in joining the writing team? Well, if you can call it a team, that is; the only members are Betty and me at the moment."

"Sorry, Jug, but I'm not here to join the 'team' as you call it."

"Fine Kevin, but we could really use your input, and we both know you don't have a near-perfect GPA because of your math skills."

"Don't give me those snarky comments, or those puppy dog eyes, Jones, I don't have time to join the club and write so often. As you so kindly pointed out, I am not known for my excellence in math, so I need to put in extra time to get my grade up a few points" Kevin responded, slightly frustrated. He huffed in annoyance before refocusing and turning back to Jughead. "What I wanted to talk about is a topic I think it would be cool to address in the paper, though."

"Ok, shoot," Jughead responded, a hint of sarcasm lacing his curious tone.

"So, you know how I have been trying to start a formal LGBT+ club for the past couple years?" Jughead nodded, a little unsure of where this was going. "Well, I finally got enough people interested and a signature of approval from a teacher to start the club, which is great. But club sign-ups are over for the year, so there won't be a good opportunity to announce that the club is officially a thing, and people can still join. So, I was wondering if you could add an article about it in the next edition of the Blue and Gold to help spread the word."

Jughead noticed Kevin seemed slightly nervous before saying, "sure thing, Kevin. I just need more details, like the official name of the club, when and where the club meetings are, and a brief summary of what activities you guys are going to do."

Kevin smiled and nodded excitedly, and said  in "I'll email those things to you by the end of the day tomorrow, that way you have the weekend to look it over and stuff. Oh, and, uh, thanks, Jughead. It's nice that you agreed to adding the club announcement to the paper, even with a kind of short notice."

"No problem, I'm glad you finally got to make the club a real thing," Jughead said, smiling. He fished his phone and earbuds out of the pocket of his leather serpent jacket, already thinking about how he could incorporate Kevin's club announcement into the paper. Kevin nodded and stood up, moving to sit by Joaquin on a different couch. He was probably sharing the news, Jughead figured.

As he glanced at the clock on the wall, Jughead saw there were only twenty minutes left before the next class: in his case, history. The realization caused him to sigh in frustration; he was not in the mood to listen to a lecture about some war that happened in nineteen-something-or-other. In addition. he never looked forward to the teacher's monotone voice, which never failed to make him sleepy--and that was when he wasn't tired going into the class. Dismissing all thoughts of the upcoming history lesson, Jughead turned back to his computer.

Originally, he'd planned on using this class period to work on the school paper, which he was a little behind on--not that he would ever tell that to anyone. But now, after his discussion with Kevin,  Jughead was having trouble focusing on the piece he'd started, but had yet to finish, about why the school should make the lunch items and snacks they sold cheaper. A yawn escaped his mouth as he slid his computer into his backpack, and he picked up his phone and headphones, which had been lying on the couch next to him since he first took them out of his jacket. He inserted his headphones under his beanie and into his ears, and decided to just put his music on shuffle. He rotated on the couch so that he was essentially lying down, and he let the music silence the numerous thoughts floating around in his head.

Before he knew it, the sound of the school bell rang, waking him from a slumber he didn't even realize he'd fallen into. He flinched at the noise, causing him to lose his balance and almost fall off the couch, and he finally registered what was happening. His eyes widened in shock, and he gathered his things hastily, rushed out of the lounge, and ran down the hallway.

[seoulscenarios]

College AU! Jacob Bae

-Major: history of art

-Minor: none

-Sports: star basketball player, also occasionally plays for the volleyball team when he can

-Clubs: not an active member in any club but breezes his way through many, he went to reading club for a time bc they were discussing Murakami, went to painting club bc Kevin wanted someone to go with him so he ended up going, but he’s part of an acoustic band with Kevin and Sangyeon and they perform late night sets in coffee shops and bars around the university area

-Many people often wonder why Jacob studies history of art when he could have easily entered college on a sports scholarship but quite simply, Jacob didn’t want to have to rely on doing well academically to make sure his college tuition was being funded and would much rather prefer to do it on his own

-Basketball was one of his favourite pastimes, loving nothing more than being on the court and feeling the adrenaline rush through him

-But art invoked a passion within him

-It reminded him of going on class trips to the museum and being absolutely floored by the Botticelli paintings and Ming pottery that decorated the rooms, it reminded him of going to New York and Paris with his parents so he could see the famous modern art scene of New York and the classic sculptures and the Louvre

-Simply put, art was life to Jacob

-He loved nothing more than visiting museums and galleries, feeling absolutely inspired and awed by the way the artist could evoke so much emotion in one painting or sculpture or drawing

-Except…. Jacob couldn’t really do art himself so that’s why he opted for history of art

-(it also meant he could annoy Kevin, a fine art major, with “boring” facts about Kevin’s favourite artists or time periods for art)

-He was beyond thrilled when he got a placement to work part time in a local art gallery that supported the new and upcoming artists in the area, giving guided talks or sometimes even presentations on new pieces that came in

-He’s just an enthusiastic boy when it comes to showing off art

-Jacob seems quite quiet in class though, always towards the back of the room taking notes diligently as most of his fellow classmates fell asleep in their laptops or were blinking rapidly to stop themselves from falling asleep

-He never really answered the questions the professors asked, much preferring if someone else answered them or just prayed that they never picked on him

-Only speak when spoken to was Jacob’s mantra in lectures

-Seminars and tutorials were where Jacob thrived, shyly giving out his opinion on northern European portraiture or discussing the Quattrocento period with his tutor after the rest of his peers had left

-Jacob could often be seen with a nice thick tome on Hellenistic art, glasses threatening to slip down his nose as he devoured the knowledge that lay on the pages, thick jumper with the sleeves rolled up and a coffee that was slowly losing its’ heat as Jacob was too busy learning about Lysippus, Apelles and Pyrgoteles and highlighting his favourite passages

-He was just the epitome of nerdy art history student and so many people in the art department were shocked to learn that he was the same Jacob Bae that led the college’s basketball to national victory amongst all the colleges in the country

-They just couldn’t fathom that their precious, quiet art history student was the same one who was arguably the best point guard player in the college leagues

-It was just a crazy concept to them

-So when a few of Jacob’s classmates decided to go to one of his basketball games to see whether he was lying or not, they were in actual shock as he flew around the court, stealing the ball so quickly that if you blinked you probably missed it and even occasionally scoring hoops if he could get a clear skill

-Most notably though, he could assess the opposition and quickly figure out their strengths and weaknesses, leading his team to victory as he navigated the game

-His classmates found him afterwards and asked just how he could be so different and he just shyly explained that he uses his analysis skills he gained from studying art pieces and just applied it to observing real life situations

-Who said that art history didn’t have real world applications??

-They couldn’t deny that though

-Jacob is EXTREMELY attentive and observational

-He can almost instantly know how one of his friends is feeling through even a text, a small frown decorating his features as he receives a “:)” from Sunwoo after he knows the younger has just submitted an assignment and he’s almost instantly by Sunwoo’s side, wrapping the boy in a hug whispering sweet nothings into his ears or just rubbing soothing circles on his back

-He never pushes his friends to tell him what’s up, knowing that they most certainly don’t want to open up fresh wounds so he just sits them down with a cup of tea and sits with them until they want to talk to him

-Jacob really is an angel, just his presence can calm and soothe his friends whatever mood they’re in

-They’re always so grateful for him, showering him in praise and Jacob just blushes and protests this because he thinks it’s just normal

-They’re also his biggest supporters at his basketball matches, all with boards with his name on (created by his roommate, Kevin) and creating chants that they all screamed from the bleachers, fully embarrassing him as he leads his team to yet another victory

-When they all run down after the team wins and crush him into a big hug, he can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of love as he’s surrounded by his best friends

-So just how do you meet basketball star and art history student Jacob Bae?

-Funnily enough, you’re kinda friends/acquaintances with him

-You see you’re actually a fine art major and just happen to be best friends with Kevin

-Too many times you’ve been dragged by the wrist by Kevin, letting yourself be taken by the enigmatic boy as he blabbered on about some art exhibition or something

-Occasionally Jacob is also dragged along with you, always shooting you a soft smile as you both endure Kevin’s outlandish behaviour as he wonders whether it would be illegal to cartwheel in front of the Mona Lisa

-You’ve never really spoken to Jacob though, just exchanging a few shy greetings or just shaking of the heads as you try and stop Kevin from running his mouth too much

-The thing is, you actually have a gigantic crush on him and Kevin was the one to figure it out

-The first time you saw Jacob was when Kevin had dragged you to the first basketball game of the season in your first year of college, saying that his best friend is on the team and that you should come along

-Sports were never your thing growing up, being your very typical art student who had no coordination and too many memories of footballs and basketballs being thrown in your direction and ultimately hitting you, but you could never refuse Kevin anything and especially not when he was already leading you to the bleachers and before you knew it you were surrounded by his rowdy friends with boards with a name decorated all over them

-Jacob?? This must be Kevin’s best friend, you thought as you took a seat next to a pink haired boy who seemed to be a bit confused as to why he was there

-(in the break of the game, you learned this was Chanhee and he really didn’t get sports but he was friends with Jacob so he went even though he could’ve been studying some advance algebra for an upcoming mathlete competition)

-However, as much as you were trying to focus on the game, your eyes kept being drawn to a silver haired boy that darted around the court, your jaw dropped slightly as he stole the ball off an opposing player and nimbly passing it to his teammate who then scored

-You literally couldn’t take your eyes off him, the way he moved so effortlessly and pushed his hair back and the brilliant smile that came every time his team scored

-All in all, you were just a bit more than taken with the boy

-Unbeknownst to you, Kevin had noticed the way you were so enraptured with a certain silver haired player and a wicked plan formed in his head

-After the game, Kevin dragged you to meet his best friend and pulled you towards the silver haired player

-Except he tugged you a little too hard, a little too fast and you tripped over your own feet, right in front of your newest crush

-Wincing, you heard a soft gasp and a hand wrapped around yours and tugged you upwards and you were suddenly face to face with the silver haired boy

-“Are you okay? You fell pretty hard, no thanks to Kevin” he asked you, concern evident in his eyes

-“Y-you know Kevin?” you asked, not even bothering to answer his question even though your knees were throbbing slightly

-“Unfortunately, he’s my best mate and roommate,” he laughed out, “but are you okay though?”

-Falling (literally) for your best friend’s other best friend and roommate was never in your agenda but here you were, deep into your second year of college and still not having made a move on him much to Kevin and the rest of your friends disappointment

-You just… didn’t know how to approach Jacob and explain that you have this massive crush on him and you want to go on lots of romantic dates to the movies and art galleries and you want to kiss him under the stars or after he wins another basketball game and that every time he smiles you get butterflies in your stomach and his laugh is like music to your ears and the fact that he can sing and play guitar as well means he’s pretty much perfect boyfriend material

-Kevin just rolls his eyes every time you wax lyrical about every single little thing you could point out about Jacob, snorting a little when you say he’s literally a perfect gentleman when he sees Jacob threaten Eric after he steals Jacob’s prized cereal and then consequently hitting the youngest three members of the group as the other two proceed to steal ALL of Jacob’s cereal

-Kevin’s been trying to get the two of you together for the past year and is so close to bashing your heads together and confessing for the both of you bc lo and behold, he knows that Jacob has a giant crush on you

-Though much more guarded about it, Kevin’s come to recognise the soft smile that graces his best friend’s face after you say goodbye to him and lingers for a while afterwards or the way his head perks up when Kevin is telling a story about what happened in his art class today and Jacob hadn’t truly been paying attention until Kevin says your name

-So, after a year of pining and the final match of the season coming up soon, Kevin decides enough is enough and calls an intervention

-Jacob isn’t entirely sure who the intervention is for, despite his amazing observation skills, until Changmin literally blurts out that everyone in this room knows he has an embarrassingly big, but cute, crush on you and he has to confess because everyone is sick of seeing the two of you dance around each other and you’re not even taking dance!

-Jacob just blinks and is like

-“How does everyone know?”

-And Kevin just rolls his eyes before darting his hand up in the air and proudly announcing that he did and he knows that you have a huge crush on Jacob and begins to rattle off an entire confession plan but quite honestly Jacob’s brain short wired after Kevin said that he knew you liked him

-“Hyung…. Are you even listening?”

-“T-they like me??”

-Everyone just groans and is like Y E S now game plan point break !

-Basically, as much as you’d think that 12 boys crammed together in a tiny dorm room would be able to think of a decent confession plan (especially with Younghoon being a film major and likes writing stories) they most definitely think of the most cliché confession

-It was simple: confess and kiss you right after he wins the game next Saturday

-Jacob… doesn’t really like this plan but decides to go along with it bc quite frankly, he doesn’t have any other way to confess considering it’s taken him this long to even think he had a chance

-He quietly confesses to Kevin that night that maybe a public confession won’t be good for either of them, knowing that the two of your are quite shy and Jacob thinks it would be extremely overwhelming if he confesses to you with the whole school watching

-Kevin, sensing Jacob’s distress for this kind of confession, just suggests that maybe he should write you a song because you love sappy romantic gestures and you love him even more when he sings and well, that inspires something in Jacob who instantly sits up and reaches for his guitar

-In the end, it only takes Jacob a few hours to write the song and a whole week of nerves to be able to gather the courage to sing it to you and pestering Kevin to bring his guitar to the game so he can confess afterwards

-So, game day

-You’re nervously sat watching the game, eyes never leaving Jacob as you notice he makes a few uncharacteristic mistakes and you can see he’s getting frustrated with himself

-During half-time, you decide to go down to him to offer some words of encouragement and he looks surprised to see you standing over him (the rest of the boyz can’t believe how forward you are but right now, you’re too concerned for Jacob than you are for their eyebrow wiggles and hooting)

-“J-jacob?? I-i just wanted to let you know that you, uh, pray, I mean play, brilliantly and uh, it’s not much, b-but I can see that you’re getting kinda frustrated with yourself and I just w-wanted to say that you’re doing great and, ah, you’re doing me, I mean the school, proud and y-yeah that’s all” you stuttered out, hands wringing together nervously and a blush spreading across your face as you tried to make eye contact with Jacob

-Who just smiles and lets out a sigh of relief

-“Thank you”

-“It’s nothing r-really haha”

-If you’re not busy after the game, meet me afterwards?”

-You just kinda nod and smile at him, trying to figure out the words to say when the referee calls for the next half to start and Jacob stands up, pulling you in for a quick hug before running onto the court

-Well, you just malfunction and are pretty much frozen for the rest of the game, not knowing how you got back up to the boys and endured Eric and Hyunjoon’s teasing

-But you’re entranced as you watch Jacob fly around the court with a fire burning you’d never really seen in him before and naturally so, he passes the last ball of the game to his teammate who shoots it perfectly, resulting in the winning of the championship going to Jacob’s team and you can’t help but cheer along, hugging Eric in celebration

-You just sit in the bleachers as the rest of the crowd disperses out and you’re waiting for Jacob who’s packing his gym bag

-Once he’s finished, he smiles up at you and waves you down to sit with him on the bottom row of seats

-You don’t notice it at first but when you sit down, you realise Jacob has a guitar in his hands and suddenly he stood up, playing and singing at you

-It’s not a song you recognise, leading to you believe that he wrote it and as you listen closely they resemble a confession song

-Which…. Confuses you because why is Jacob singing this to you ?? you’re pretty much clueless

-And it’s not until he finishes the song and he pulls you up by the hand and says “I really like you, I think you like me, may I kiss you?” that you realise that yes, Jacob really is saying this to you and you lean towards him and press a soft kiss on his lips, more smile than anything else

-DATING JACOB:

-Well, it’s not going to stay a secret for long especially since Kevin runs back onto the court and SCREECHES that you two are finally together and the rest of the boyz come running in to congratulate you, Sangyeon just looking on tiredly before sincerely congratulating the two of you and that he hopes you’re happy together whilst Jaehyun and Juyeon are cartwheeling round the court yelling “JACOB AND Y/N SITTING IN A TREE K-I-S-S-I-N-G” before Sangyeon drags them out by the ear

-So yeah, everyone finds out in the next few hours but you’re not mad

-I mean, you did score one of the most sought out after guys on campus and even better, you’re the one who gets to kiss him after each game

-But most importantly, you can go on all those romantic dates you had dreams about over the past year

-The amount of art galleries and museum dates the two of you go on is crazy but to you they’re perfect

-One, you get to spend more time with your handsome boyfriend and two, you get to study and be surrounded by one of the things that you and Jacob both love

-You can bet your favourite acrylic paint that you and Jacob share so many things about art together

-Jacob LOVES and I mean, LOVES, to teach you about different art periods and their influence on modern art today whilst you help him paint or draw and laugh at his attempts at recreating his favourite sculpture

-Oh, and you both definitely go on art dates where you get to paint together or do a pottery class together, laughing as Jacob somehow manages to get clay EVERYWHERE whilst you’re calmly sat moulding the pot together

-Jacob just pouts as he breaks his fourth pot and you let him decorate yours before making him one that he can brag to the boyz that he made

-(They don’t believe him bc you sent them all snapchats of Jacob being covered in clay after he kept messing up)

-But you love spending time like this together, it feels so authentic and romantic to the both of you

-Especially when you have more than just photos to remember those dates together but actual, physical things that you can hang up on your walls or put on your desk and reminisce at night

-More often than not, you found yourself in Kevin and Jacob’s dorm, head resting on Jacob’s chest as he’s doing some reading for his Ming pottery class and reading the book out loud to you as you loved nothing more than just hearing his voice

-Which Kevin found disgustingly romantic and not at all to his taste so he left the dorm to go bother Jaehyun or Chanhee

-You just giggle as he huffs and loudly complains about love whilst Jacob just rolls his eyes at his best friends antics, secretly glad that it worked bc he really wanted some alone time with you

-After he leaves Jacob places the book on his bedside table and you’re confused until Jacob rolls you over so you’re underneath and you’re like… o h so this is what you wanted??

-And Jacob just shyly smiles before pressing a kiss to the underside of your jaw and you sigh happily

-And when Kevin returns later that night and you’re still there and he can see the hickies blooming on both of your necks he just shrieks and Jacob nearly throws his book at him bc he just woke you up out of your nap

-Study dates are a big thing with you two, more often than not you’re in a café or the library with a stack of books whilst Jacob is typing an essay out and you’re peacefully sketching or planning an art piece or even doing an analysis of a painting

-Just imagine Jacob with his curly hair all messed up because he’s been running his fingers through it, a pair of glasses perched on his nose and a fluffy sweater on typing away as you watch on with his hoodie on and charcoal smudges on your nose after you rubbed it

-It’s just a very wholesome relationship, shy smiles and sweet notes being left in textbooks or sketchbooks, the smell of coffee and flowers and paint all mingling together as you walk hand in hand and you finally get to kiss him under the stars as you take a walk along the river one night

-You still can’t quite believe you’re dating the star basketball player but nothing assures you more when his hand is splayed across your back and he’s pulling you closer for a kiss, laughing when he spins you around under the stars and you think that life maybe can’t get better than this

-Jacob to you, is perfection and you fall in love with him just a little bit more everyday

ahh here’s our first fic for the boyz, i hope we did them justice and please look forward to the rest of the college aus and our other works for the boyz! 

(i’ll be using their real names for these college aus so hyunjae-jaehyun, hwall-hyunjoon, new-chanhee etc.)

love, admin leigh

[prepare4trouble]

Star Wars Rebels fanfic - Preparation, part 2

Little By Little AU

part 1

Ezra knew what was happening as soon as he heard the rushed footsteps in the corridor outside.  He paused with the half-finished sandwich partway to his lips, then lowered it back to his plate.  He was done eating for now.  Probably for the rest of the day.

Hera’s gaze centered on him as soon as she walked into the room; her eyes appeared a little wider than usual, and her complexion was flushed, whether with the hurried rush to reach him, or nervous anticipation of what was to come, he couldn't be sure.  “You weren’t in your room,” was the first thing she said.

That was true.  Ezra waited.  He didn’t reply; he couldn’t.

“We’ve received a communication from Sabine and Zeb; they’re heading back now, and they’re about three hours out.”

Oh.  He had known that was what she had come to say, but he realized now how desperately he had been hoping that he was mistaken.  He wasn’t ready.  He had thought he was ready, but it turned out he had been wrong.

He took a deep breath, pushed his half-full plate away, and got slowly to his feet.  His legs felt wrong, like they weren’t quite able to support his weight.  He ignored it, licked his lips and forced himself to swallow.  His mouth suddenly felt too dry.  “Okay,” he said simply.  “Thanks.”

It was always going to be today.  He had known it since the moment he had woken up.  In fact, the certainty had been so strong that he had half expected that when he peered over the edge of his bunk and into the one below, he would find Zeb already there, sleeping off the exertions of the mission.  Or worse, up and moving around the room, forcing Ezra to make small talk and act normal.

He should be feeling relieved.  Things were happening according to the vague plan he had had in his head; the message had come through in plenty of time, giving him as much warning as he could reasonably expect, and it had come at a time when he was awake, giving him the opportunity to ensure that he wasn’t around when the Phantom landed.

It was always going to be today.  And there had never been any possibility of him being ready.  If he had another month, he knew that he was still going to feel the same way.

“Kanan isn’t using his quarters, he said if you want to go there…” She tailed off as she noticed him shaking his head.  He would go there, briefly, to drop off the few things that he would need for his planned stay that night, but he couldn’t stand to just sit there waiting.  “Okay,” she told him.  “Well, wherever you end up, keep your comm device with you, I’ll call you when it’s time.”

Ezra touched the device attached to his arm, feeling its familiar presence, and nodded.

Hera hesitated, then turned to leave.

He could still go to his room for now, for a couple of hours.  Just as long as he was gone before they actually got back.  He considered that possibility, and dismissed it.  He wouldn’t be able to bring himself to do anything, and the thought of sitting there with nothing but his thoughts for company made him feel ill.

“Ezra, I…”

He looked up to see that without him noticing, Hera had turned back to face him again.  Her expression was soft and sympathetic in a way that made him want to cringe.  He couldn’t help but notice it was also a little difficult to make out; he felt as though he needed to take maybe half a step closer to see her properly.  She didn’t continue whatever it was she had been about to say; instead, she hesitated by the door for just long enough that it started to feel awkward.  Finally, when he thought he wasn’t going to be able to stand it any longer, she took a determined step forward, and another.

Before Ezra realized what was happening, Hera wrapped her arms tightly around him, pulling him in as close as she squeezed him tightly, as though she could somehow protect him from what was coming.

She didn’t say anything, didn’t assure him it would be okay, or offer any advice to get him through either the next few hours or the upcoming conversation.  Instead she squeezed him a little tighter, held him for a little longer, then, before she let him go, whispered in his ear, “Three hours, I’ll radio you when it’s time.”

Ezra nodded, still caught in her embrace.

She retreated quickly, releasing him, turning and leaving the room in a matter of seconds.  Ezra stared after her for several moments, unable to move until his body sprung into action almost against his will and he left the room, following her but not chasing after her.  He found the corridor empty, to his relief, and turned to leave, still not sure where he planned to go.

“What do you think he’s doing?”

Kanan, seated at the opposite side of the desk in her quarters, didn’t bother to turn to face her.  He worried the corner of a stack of paperwork with his thumb.  “I don’t know,” he said.  “He has a few places around the base that he likes to go to hide, he’s probably in one of those.  Or maybe he’s found some work to do, or… I don’t know.”

Hera took a deep breath and sighed.  She thought of Ezra, alone in some secret hiding place with nothing but his thoughts for company.  She hoped Kanan was wrong about that.  She checked the time, little more than a few minutes had passed since she had last checked.  She sighed again.

Kanan reached across the desk and took her hand in his.  He squeezed it lightly, and she felt the dry warmth of his skin against hers.  “He’s going to be okay,” he told her.

He was right, of course.  But that was in the long term.  She didn’t know exactly what Kanan meant, whether Ezra would be okay, today, or tomorrow, or three years down the line.  “You didn’t see him when I told him they were on the way,” she said.

Kanan’s lips twitched just slightly and she scowled.

“Not funny,” she told him.  “He just looked so…” she hesitated, searching for the right word.  “…alone,” she said.

Kanan’s grip on her hand tightened a little.  “He’s going to be okay,” he repeated.

He was, but not yet.  Not today.  “I should have offered to do something with him,” Hera said.  “To keep him company, give him something else to think about.”

“He would have said no,” Kanan promised her.  “Trust me on this, he’ll have had some kind of a plan for how he was going to use these hours, and it won’t have involved hanging out with either of us.”

Still, she should have asked.

“He’s…” Kanan began.

Hera pulled her hand away.  “If you tell me he’s going to be okay one more time, I’m honestly going to hit you.”

Kanan smiled indulgently and shook his head.  “He’s not on his own,” he clarified.  “I’m not sure where he is, but he’s with other people.  He’s fine.”

The tension that she had been carrying around since she had taken that call dissipated slightly and she frowned.  “Good.  Sorry.  I wasn’t really going to hit you.”

He smiled.  “I know.  You’d have missed.”

She shrugged.  She didn’t doubt that he would have been able to dodge, she did wonder whether he would have bothered.  “So,” she said.  “What shall we do?”

“I’m not saying it’s fixed, exactly.  It’s just…”  The pilot shrugged and spread his hands widely, palms  facing outward and an exaggerated look of uncertainty on his face.  “That paint they use, it’s water based, that’s all I’m saying.”

Ezra planted his hands in his pockets and looked to the other pilot, Hobbie.

“I think you’re paranoid,” Hobbie said.  “You just can’t stand the fact that you’ve lost the last couple of nights and you’re trying to work out who to blame.”  He turned to look at Ezra. “What do you think?”

“Uh…”  Ezra shrugged and shook his head.  They were talking about the dokma races, and how easy it was to tell the previous champion from the other competitors the next night.  “I guess… they could be washing the paint off and swapping the colors around,” he said.

“Ha!  See?!” the first pilot exclaimed, fixing a victorious look in Hobbie’s direction.  “They change them around so the one that looks like the champion from the night before loses and they collect all the winnings.”

Ezra shook his head.  “I said could,” he said.  “Maybe.  But have you ever touched one of those shells?  They’re pretty rough, I don’t know how easy it’d be to wash the paint off of there without leaving some behind.”  He thought about it.  “Actually, you should probably ask Sabine about that,” he said.  “You know, if you really want to know.  And if you don’t mind a half hour lecture on different kinds of paint and what’s good for what.”

“Or you could ask one of the mechanics,” Hobbie suggested.

“Those guys take care of our ships,” the other man reminded him.  “Call me crazy, but I don’t really want to upset them.”

“Not crazy,” Hobbie corrected.  “Like I said, paranoid.”

Ezra grinned at the slightly older man’s irritation and tried not to think that this might be the last time he did this for a while; just hung out with people without it being awkward.  It wasn’t like the news was going to be everywhere today; he was telling Sabine and Zeb, that was it.  Tomorrow, Hera was going to have a discussion with Sato, Kanan was going to tell Rex.  None of those people were going to go out and start gossiping about him.  It still felt like a lot all at once, like the exclusive club of people in the know was about to expand exponentially, and once that process began, it wouldn’t be so long before he had to start telling other people.

Once it was out there, things would get back to normal eventually, he knew that, but there would be that long period in between, where everything felt tainted.  He wasn’t looking forward to that beginning.

“What?” Hobbie asked.

It took Ezra a moment to realize that he was talking to him.  He turned to look at him.  “What what?” he replied.

Hobbie shrugged.  “You okay?” he asked.  

“Sure.  Why wouldn’t I be?”

The pilot shook his head.  “No reason.”  He turned back to his friend.  “Anyway, the dokma get swapped every few days anyway, and when that happens you just have to pick one at random anyway.”

“Plus, they’re not exactly predictable,” Ezra added, “it’s not like they even know they’re supposed to be racing, when one wins, it’s only because it happened to wander in the right direction.”

The pilot sighed deeply and slumped against the side of his ship.  “I guess,” he said.  “I still think there’s some kind of a scam going on, the mechanics win far too often for it to be a coincidence.”

“Well, yeah,” Hobbie told him, “anybody’d think you never gambled before, you know the house always wins, right?  What are you going to do, go tell on them to Captain Syndullla?”  He laughed.

The other man scowled and turned away.  “Guess not.  I’ll see you later.”

Hobbie turned to Ezra and chuckled.  “Good one about getting Sabine to give him a lecture,” he said.  “She probably would do, too.”

“Make that definitely,” Ezra amended.  “Seriously, don’t ask her about anything art related unless you really want to know the answer.”

Hobbie grinned.  “Noted,” he said.  “So, will you be there for the races tonight?”

Ezra hesitated.  He didn’t want to think about tonight.  By that time, Sabine would know.  Zeb would know.  He folded his arms.  Maybe he could be there.  It would give him something to do, and the others rarely attended the races, so the chances of awkwardness was pretty low.

He probably wasn’t going to feel like it.  But then, he wasn’t sure how he was going to feel.  “Probably not,” he said.

“No?  How come?”  Hobbie stared at him, clearly curious, and Ezra felt himself shift awkwardly.

“Well, Sabine and Zeb are coming back today, they… You know what they’re like after a mission, they’ll want to… talk.  About it.  About the mission, I mean.”

Hobbie frowned and Ezra was certain he saw right through him.  “Yeah, I figured you meant the mission.  What else would they want to talk about?”

Ezra laughed, and surprised himself by how natural it sounded.  “Sorry, distracted.  But yeah, if they finish with the stories in time, I’ll come by.  If not…”

“If not, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Only, would he?  Would he be in the mood for the races then either?  He grinned regardless; he was well practiced at that particular pretense  “Yeah, I’ve lost the last three nights, I’m due a win any time now.”

Hobbie laughed.  “Well, the mechanics, they wash the dokma every night just to trick you into betting on the wrong one, you know.”

Ezra grinned and shook his head.

“Well,” Hobbie told him, “Better get back to it.”

Ezra nodded.  “Yeah, I guess so.  I’ll s… I’ll see you later.”

“So,” Hera said.  She turned and walked back across the center of the room, passing directly behind where Kanan was seated.  “The lounge is the obvious place to tell them, there’s room for everyone to sit, so at least they’ll all be comfortable.”  It wasn’t the most important consideration, it wasn’t like physical comfort was going to be anybody’s primary concern at the time, but it was still something to consider.  More importantly, it was something to focus on, because her brain certainly wasn’t going to let her think about work right now

She reached the wall, turned, and walked back again, brushing the back of Kanan’s chair as she did.  “You might as well go straight there,” she added.  “When they arrive, I mean.  That way if one or both of them decide to go straight to the meeting without heading to their quarters first, they’ll find you there already.”

Kanan turned around to face her.  She continued to pace, noting the way he almost, but not quite, tracked her movements, turning his head as though following her with his eyes.

“I’ll meet them directly off the Phantom if I can,” she continued.  “They should send a communication before they come in to land, so I just need to make sure I receive it and get to the designated landing spot before they exit the ship.  Shouldn’t be too hard.”  Barring unforeseen complications, that was, but generally speaking there was no reason she wouldn’t be able to get there in time.

She stopped when she reached the wall, turned again, and walked back.   “If I miss them for whatever reason, they’re going to come looking for me anyway, so it shouldn’t be a major problem.  Then as soon as I see them, I’ll tell them there’s a meeting.  They’re going to ask why, of course… I’ll have to tell them I can’t say, which they’re going to find strange..."

Kanan took a deep breath before he finally spoke.  He pressed to stop the audio playing on his datapad.  “You’re overthinking this,” he told her.

“I’ll try to get a feel for how long they’re going to need to get themselves ready, then tell them what time to meet.  What do you think, ten minutes?  Twenty?  I don’t want to leave Ezra waiting too long.”

Kanan pulled out the earpiece that he used to listen to audio, and placed it in his pocket.  “Tell them to get there when they’re ready,” he said.  “I’d tell Ezra it’s happening right away, they’ll probably go drop their stuff off first, maybe get changed or something, then head right there, Ezra will drag his feet and dawdle, and they’ll probably end up arriving around the same time.”

Hera thought about it.  “Should they arrive at the same time?” she asked.  “Or would it be better if Ezra was already there when they arrived.  Or if he came in last?”  She paced across the room again.

“It won’t make any difference,” Kanan told her.

Hera frowned.

“Seriously, it won’t, Hera.  You need to sit down, relax, and stop trying to control everything.”

“I’m not trying to control…” she stopped, because actually, yes she was.  Well, not control per se, but understand how things were going to go, so that she had a plan in place if things started to go wrong.  “Fine, okay.  But I don’t see you or Ezra planning things out, someone’s got to do it.”

Kanan shook his head.  Still seated, he turned around to face her again.  “No,” he said.  “They don’t.”

Hera slowed her pacing to a stop, then walked around to the other side of the desk, placing her hands on her hips and looking at him expectantly.  “Okay?” she said expectantly, waiting for an explanation.

The chair opposite him, on the other side of the desk, pulled out a little, inviting her to sit.  She thought for a moment that he had moved it using the Force, until she noticed his foot moving, disappearing back underneath the desk.  “What’s the worst thing that could happen today?” he asked.

Hera hesitated before sitting down.  “I don’t really want to think about that.”

“Well, just think about it anyway.  Is anything that happens today going to make the situation worse?  Is it going to make Ezra go blind any faster?”

She felt herself flinch at the word in a way that she hadn’t for months.  She forced herself to stay still, to actually think about that.  “No,” she said.  “Of course not.”

“Then nothing you do is going to change what’s happening, which means that organizing the perfect time to have everyone meet and trying to control who walks into the room first isn’t going to make the news any easier to hear, it’s just going to make things more difficult for you.”

“I don’t care about me; I’m trying to make things easier for Ezra.”

Kanan nodded.  “I know.  But — and you can hit me if you like — Ezra really is going to be okay.  And I don’t just mean in the long term.  He knows what he’s doing, this will be helpful,” he indicated the datapad on the desk in front of him, where he had been listening to the file she had created, “and all he really needs from us is for us to be there with him, and not to make it into a bigger deal than it already is.  Who walks into the room first doesn’t matter, and even if it did, you wouldn’t be able to script it, so you might as well let it happen.”

Hera rested her head in her hands and sighed deeply.  “I know,” she said.  “I just need to feel like I’m doing something to help.”

“You are,” Kanan assured her.

She wished she could believe that.  She sucked in a deep breath, feeling her chest expanding as it filled with air; she counted as she breathed in, and again as she exhaled slowly, through pursed lips.

Kanan touched her lightly on the arm and she looked up to see the concern on his face.  “You are helping,” he repeated.  “But you’ve done everything you can.  Now you’ve just got to sit back and hand it over to Ezra, and if he needs our help, we’ll be there for him.  Okay?”

Hera sighed shakily and nodded.  The truth was, she knew this already, but that didn’t mean it was going to be an easy thing for her to do.

“Hey, you.”

Ezra didn’t exactly ignore the voice, he just barely noticed it; it faded into the background as he walked by, lost in his own thoughts.

“Hey, you.  Moody Jedi kid.”

He noticed that one.  He stopped and spun around searching for the speaker.  He found her at the top of a ladder, near to an open exterior panel on a battered-looking fighter ship.  She stared down at him.  He looked up.  “Me?”

He couldn’t make out her expression from that distance, but she sounded like the moody one.  “Yes, you.  You see any other Jedi kids around here?”

Despite himself, Ezra looked around, confirmed that the area was free of crowds of Padawans, and shook his head.  “Not right now,” he said.

“Well then, I must’ve been talking to you,” the woman said.

Ezra folded his arms and squinted slightly as he stared up at her.  She was human, older than average for the base, maybe in her late forties or early fifties, her dark hair was graying slightly at the roots, and she wore the dirt-stained jumpsuit that had become the unofficial mechanics’ uniform.

“Pass me that plasma welder,” she said.  She indicated the ground below the ladder with a wave of her hand.  Her other hand was inside the panel, possibly holding something in place.  Probably whatever it was that she wanted to weld.

Ezra glanced at the tools on the ground by the base of the ladder, stepping a little closer to check which one she actually needed.  He looked back up at her; her hand was still stretched downward, her fingers making some kind of impatient, gripping or beckoning motion in the air.

She was kind of rude.  He could probably be forgiven for walking away and letting her climb down the ladder to collect her own tools.  On the other hand, maybe she was having a bad day, he had certainly had his share of those recently, and he knew that they didn't exactly leave him eager to be polite and thoughtful to other people.  He sighed, picked up the welder and tossed it in her direction.

It was a good throw, and an easy catch for her.  She glared down at him.  “Throwing it?” she said.  “Really?  This is delicate equipment.”

Ezra frowned.  She had expected him to lift it to her using the Force.  It was a reasonable expectation, he supposed, but it wasn’t like he couldn't have used the Force to catch the welder if she had missed.  She hadn’t thanked him, he noticed.

Feeling vaguely annoyed, he turned to leave.

“Hey!”  She clicked her fingers.  “Wait there a minute, I might need something else.”

Ezra shook his head; there was letting a few things go, and there was letting someone walk all over him.  He opened his mouth to say something he was probably going to regret, when his wrist comm came to life.  Hera’s voice.  “Ezra?  They're back.”

He glanced up at the woman on the ladder, then back at his comm.  “Uh, sorry,” he said, waving his wrist in her direction as though she was going to know what that meant.  “More important stuff to do.”

He turned and fled, half relieved to have an excuse to get away despite what that excuse was.

It wasn’t until he turned the final corner and saw the Phantom landed on the ground not far from the Ghost that he realized he was shaking.

[remembermemorablememories]

Saturday, February 16, 2019

post #404

ha ha 404

main points:

- wake up early to go to philly with mom and sheena

- visit grandparents

- walk around center city with mom

- honeygrow lunch takeout with sheena

- drive back home and eat honeygrow / got my diploma (sort of)

- catch up on thursday/friday blog posts

- call with dimitri, cae, simon and sam

- visit alyssa in philly! dinner and hanging out/talking

- chilling at home / health update

today i:

- woke up at 8:30am to my alarm. dad came in to wake me up and also asked about the lease since it was coming today. we got to the topic of how much i withdrew for checks and he said the broker fee was insanely high... :/ and he was right cause 15% of annual rent is a lot. but i had no other option cause it seems like most landlords work exclusively through brokers now. he lectured to me about spending money and how i should be careful. i felt bad, i hadn’t been lectured like that in a while like since high school. i know he was just trying to watch out/express concern for me though

- sheena mom and i hopped into the car so sheena could go to orchestra rehearsal. i ate half a bagel and a banana. sheena drove us to philly, mom talked to me a lot about her personal experiences searching for real estate / housing early on in her life. once we got there, sheena got dropped off to rehearsal, mom and i found parking and went to visit wai po and wai gong. i hadn’t seen them since christmas!! we got a parking spot that someone gave us with their remaining ticket time (like 30 minutes from 10:20am-10:52am)

we went up and i saw wai po and wai gong, it was really nice. i talked to wai po a bit about my asia trip plans. then wai gong sat me down and talked to me about health and taking care of myself :p and also wanted me to learn chinese (which i’ve sort of been doing trying to watch the chinese tv show). we brought them the poster sized version of the photo we took with our whole family in california which was very nice, they were both excited to put it up on the wall

- mom and i left around 10:50am to go back to our car, and we said good bye :( i’ll see them in a few months though hopefully in NYC. we parked it somewhere else close to sheena’s rehearsal place and then walked around center city. we walked by city hall and the surrounding block while mom took some pictures. while we walked around i was trying to figure out what to do for the day. in the morning i brought my laptop in case i decided to stay in philly for the day to hang out with alyssa later

cause either i could stay in philly for the day, have a call with friends about greece at 3pm then meet up with alyssa or

go home, have call with friends about greece, then drive back down to visit alyssa

- mom and i went to starbucks and she got a latte, then walked back to pick up sheena as she finished rehearsal at 12pm. then mom waited in the car while sheena and i went to get honeygrow takeout

just as we were walking over, marsha told me she got a notification from USPS that the lease wasn’t signed at delivery and needed to be picked up. dad also got the notification but was out at set building for sheena’s musical (i believe) so he may have missed it. but he rushed back and flagged down the USPS driver and got the lease from him, so we fortunately got that sorted all out :D

- i decided to go home so after we got the honeygrow salads, sheena ate hers on the car while mom drove us back home. once we got back around 1pm, i ate the salad. mom made some spicy noodle thing that she said was too spicy. the salad was pretty solid and felt really healthy. when i got back, dad got my diploma for my bachelor’s in the mail. he was unsure where my master’s was so i logged in online to check my student report. it said they were both ordered at the same time so maybe the master’s will come in later in the week

- chilled for a bit on my computer and also finished up thursday and started on friday’s blog posts. sheena went to therapy at 2pm with mom. dad was out at set building. but sheena got back around 2:45pm so she came to my room to play smash

dimitri cae simon sam and i hopped on a snapchat call to discuss tentative dates for greece. dimitri gave us the high level plan and also timeline (early september) depending on what cae and sam find out about grad school. it was nice hanging out with all of them on call again after a long long time :D sheena was playing smash in the background in my room LOL

- wrapped up around 4pm, then talked to mom and dad a bit about logistics. i decided i would just drive to alyssa’s cause it’s a bit far from the train. then talked to mom a bit about what she talked about with the therapist. she’s still concerned for sheena and hopefully we can help her get better soon

- drove down around 4:30pm, getting there around 5:30pm. i parked near her apt and she showed me around her apt. it was MAAAASSIVE. for 3 people 3BR for a very low priced rent. the first thing we did was get tacos at loco pez. it was a nice restaurant

at first it was a bit awkward cause we hadn’t talked in like over a year. but then after catching up briefly on what we’ve been up to (my chicago+seattle trip, her job, my upcoming job/moving to NYC, how our siblings were doing), the awkwardness cleared up. also cause our food came LOL. we both got 3 tacos each, they were pretty solid. walked back to her apt and just hung out in her room

she showed me some music she’s been making in logic pro x, the music had really chill vibes, like what you’d hear in a cafe (it was guitar + synth + bass + other beats). we talked about spotify and music (she saw some of my playlists from the spotify sharing feature which was cool), woman pockets, hinge, family friend food truck endeavor, smash, “now what?” feeling of after graduating

then we went to the living room to hang out / get some water. she turned on the TV and the wedding ringer was on TV. we watched that while talking about a bunch of TV shows (west world, game of thrones, bob’s burgers, legion, a few others, avengers movie). we also looked at some people who had graduated from our high school who now had children, and other friends from high school and where they’re at. it was a pretty fun time. i think i felt happy cause hanging out just felt familiar and nice to talk. lately i’ve realized how hard it is to keep in touch with people and this was another example of that. we meet like once a year but it was cool that we could jump back to where we left off. i think she’s one of the few people i keep in touch with from high school

i left her place around 9:30pm, getting back around 10:30pm. once i got home, dad talked to me again a bit about spending money and needing to be careful, ohio’s story with manufacturing with a company and not being able to find enough workers, GM and the reason they went bankrupt (tried to be too greedy after tariffs on foreign cars)

- came upstairs and took a shower and finished up friday’s blog post

it’s now 12:40am i’m ready to go to sleep. my eyes are barely open as i’m typing this, i’ve been waking up early ish the past few days. overall, a pretty fun day

also health update

i didn’t get a chance to pay too much attention to this while traveling but in seattle around february 7 (like 9 days ago) -- or maybe february 9...? anywho i think i noticed a dull ache in my right abdomen, just below my rib cage. it was kind of on and off for multiple days. and it was totally fine while i was walking around NYC with marsha all day / sprinting all morning so i wonder if the aching pain is just all in my head cause i’ve had that with bluetooth headphones. i’ve been feeling some random chest pains since i got back on tuesday but it’s very infrequent, like once a few days (each just being a few seconds and in different locations). but the dull ache in my right abdomen has been more frequent on and off, so i guess we’ll see where that goes

i looked it up online and all of the results are like severe stuff like appendicitis or something else... idk. i’m kind of concerned but if it still doesn’t go away after a few more days, i’ll try to go to the doc maybe

okay the end i am super tired

[bffhreprise]

Entry 172

 “I noticed that you landed a few hours ago, Duncan.  I trust your flight went well.” commented Lady Pendreigh.

 “Yes, thank you.  My flight landed much earlier than they expected due to strong tailwinds.” he explained.

 :Nii-san wouldn’t really try to pull anything over on her.: stated Ai.

 :No, but I do think he was testing her.: I replied.

 Lady Pendreigh had smiled slightly.  An average person probably would’ve laughed at nii-san’s joke had they understood he always helped planes along with his magic.  Unlike us, his affinity was for manipulating air, gas of any sort, really.  In combat, he could be precise enough to separate gases enough to combust with a spark, which he’d casually provide.

 :Still not a match for us.: teased Ai.

 :Not together at least.: I agreed.

 Lady Pendreigh politely told him “Funny how often that happens for you.”

 Nii-san smiled and nodded before raising his hand to catch a waiter’s attention.  In Italian, he said, “Please bring out the wine you’re keeping for me.”  Then he explained in English “I deposited a wine here earlier as a gift for you.  I hope you enjoy its flavor.”

 :His Italian’s slightly better than his English.: mentioned Ai.

 :He really needs to spend more time practicing with a native speaker for both.: I agreed.  :If only mother would let him call us more…:

 Ai gave an internal shrug as she said, :She won’t.  We’re a bad influence in her eyes.:

 I knew she was right, just as she knew I wished she wasn’t.

 My sister then asked “Nii-san, how long are you going to be staying?”

 “I’ll be staying until the end of the upcoming charity auction.  Mother sent a donation.” he replied.

 :Lady Pendreigh must have orchestrated his visit.: I suggested.

 :Agreed.  She probably told mother about what she planned on donating while also offering a business proposal.: replied Ai.

 We wondered what Lady Pendreigh had planned.  Too great an offer would have drawn mother here in person, but something important enough for a courtesy call from nii-san was on the table, something that would keep him here for weeks..

 :You don’t suppose…: started Ai, thinking about how our attachment to Jarod had obviously been mentioned.

 :He’s part of her plan.  We’ll have to wait and see what comes next.: I finished for her.

 “Sixty-one Château Latour?” I asked, surprised by nii-san’s choice.

 Ai quickly said, :Mother’s choice probably.:

 She rarely let anyone else around her make a decision.

 “Can we open it, nii-san?” Ai asked, smiling at him.

 “The wine is Lady Pendreigh’s, so that would be her choice, though I would wait until our meal arrives.” he replied curtly.

 Giving a slight nod, she said, “Let’s wait then.  I’m sure you’ll find the food here equally appealing, Duncan.  I asked the finest chef I know to rearrange the menu not long ago.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t willing to take over as the head chef.”

 “Oh?  I’m surprised anyone would refuse one of your offers.” he told her.

 “She shrugged and explained “He works for James at Somerset Estate.  You’ll be able to sample plenty of his excellent cooking during your stay.”

 My sister and I smiled.  Neither of us came close to Marco’s cooking, and we weren’t so bad ourselves.  The man knew more variations on more dishes than anyone we knew.  We had questioned him extensively over our stay and had him teach us numerous techniques.  Sadly, he was even better than us in regard to making Japanese cuisine, though we did manage to teach him a couple recipes he seemed to like.

 “I look forward to anything that earns your praise.” stated nii-san.

 We nearly laughed, but managed to control ourselves.  Nii-san surely had no notion of how his words could be purposefully misinterpreted.

 “What are you going to have, Jarod?” asked Ai when the waiter returned.

 “We’ll gladly order for you.” I assured him.

 Jarod casually ordered in Italian as if he had always spoken the language.  We couldn’t control our grins.

 :His fluency has to put nii-san to shame.: I suggested.

 Ai agreed, saying, :Not that he’d admit it to Jarod.  Did you see the scowl?:

 She only saw it through my eyes, so she knew I had.

 “Trust me to order?” asked Lady Pendreigh to James.

 “Please do.  I can’t say I’ve ever studied Italian.” he admitted.

 Nii-san quickly said, “Please order for me as well.  I’ll trust your expertise.”

 We nearly laughed again, knowing he probably didn’t want to demonstrate his poor speech again in front of Jarod.  Lady Pendreigh politely nodded to him before ordering.  She was, of course, perfectly fluent, being the one to instruct us.

 “James, my sisters tell me that your business started just this year.  I find your success to be quite impressive, considering the niche your company fills.” stated nii-san to strike up a conversation again.

 “Well, we’re managing to stay afloat largely due to my secretary’s amazing organizational skills.” replied James.  “Jarod, on the other hand, single-handedly designed an incredible electric engine.  The original prototype is what gets me from place-to-place.”

 “Yes, I read about his design.  Most impressive.” begrudgingly admitted nii-san.  “How do you manage to find clients for your company?”

 “I originally relied heavily on my website and viva voce, but Aaliyah, my secretary, seems to use some of her own contacts as well.” explained James.

 Smiling, nii-san said, “Your secretary sounds like an amazing woman.  I should like to meet her someday.”

 “You already have.” stated Lady Pendreigh.

 My sister and I nearly giggled again as nii-san stared in shock at Lady Pendreigh.

 Quickly standing, nii-san bowed and said, “Sumimasen.  My sisters failed to mention this.”

 :Bit extreme…: I muttered.

 :Well, the assassin is rather well known to our family.: replied Ai.

 :Figures nii-san blamed us.: I told her.

 :We’ll make him pay later.: she teased.

 “Don’t worry.  She gladly tells everyone about working for me.  She’s even listed on my website as my secretary.” explained James, looking a bit confused.

 We grinned at nii-san as his gaze turned to us.  He wasn’t amused.

 :He’s going to lecture us again.: stated my sister and I.  We didn’t really mind.  He’d at least be paying attention to us.

 As we waited for our food, nii-san continued ignoring us as well as Jarod as best as he could.  We didn’t mind that either, since he couldn’t say anything about us holding Jarod’s hands under the table that way if he actually was paying attention.  Nii-san could locate people through vibrations of the air if he concentrated much like we could find people through water.  None of us could compare with Lady Pendreigh.  Locating people seemed effortless for her, as did most things.

 Our food was quite good, and nii-san seemed satisfied as well.  The wine was quite delicious, but we were surprised how much Lady Pendreigh seemed to enjoy it.

 “You must try this, James.  It’s pretty rare.” I insisted.

 “I’ll order you a cola if you wish, but you should at least take a sip.” suggested Lady Pendreigh.

 He looked hesitant, but he went ahead and took a sip.  Then he said, “No offense, but I think I’ll have that cola.  Alcohol really isn’t something I’m comfortable drinking, being underage here.”

 “Ah.  Sorry.  Sorry.  I never thought to ask your age.  My family is highly resistant to ill effects from alcohol, so we don’t often consider such things, though my sisters probably could have warned me.” explained nii-san, look at us sternly.

 We commenced with akanbe, but he wasn’t amused.

 Conversation continued with pleasantries at a little business discussed, largely between nii-san and James.  Nii-san was ignoring us again, not that we were surprised.  He could be incredibly stiff.

 When dinner was finished, we all walked out to the parking lot.  My sister and I rushed to nii-san’s sides as the cars were being fetched, clinging to his arms and smiling up at him.

 “Nii-san, don’t you want to ride in Jarod’s car with us?” we asked.

 He crossed his arms, and told us in Japanese “No.  You two need to learn proper etiquette before I’ll be seen in public with you.  I am surprised Lady Pendreigh admits to knowing you.”

 “Well, we might be home late.” suggested Ai.

 “We’ll have Jarod all to ourselves.” I added with a grin.

 “Let’s go, Jarod!” we exclaimed, rushing to the mustang.

 Nii-san sprinted to the front passenger seat of the car, despite the witnesses.  I argued with him a little about who should get to sit by Jarod before sitting by my sister in the back.  Jarod was amused, and we convinced nii-san to join us, even if he looked rigid with his arms crossed.  We still won.  He was going to get to know Jarod no matter what he wanted.