#people are still hoping for a prerecorded performance :’)

[hobismilitarywife]

.

[nexility-sims]

𝐍𝐎. 𝟏𝟑   ❛ 𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭 ❜   |   RENZO'S HOUSE, NAKAWE, OCTOBER 1991

❧  𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲  /  𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠  /  𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬  /  𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭.

Leonor knew she was imposing. Although with permission, she let herself into the most private circle of Renzo’s life, one from which he had barred her for months. There hadn’t been any negotiating it, and she couldn’t say whether that made it better or worse. Rather, she hadn’t tried to go where he didn’t seem to want her. She also hadn’t tried to discover whether it was a matter of wanting at all. He did want her. He had, with clarity and audacity, from the day they met. She’d seen how he treated people that he didn’t want but had yet to experience that kind of terrible disregard from him.

❧ i don't recall when these ideas came to me and melded together but i'm glad they did also hopefully goes without saying but there's time weirdness that'll be addressed subsequently ! also 2x maybe i’m wrong but there aren’t enough bj fantasies given how much some enjoy giving them, idk idk

𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐞 & 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭 ↓

Leonor knew she was imposing. Although with permission, she let herself into the most private circle of Renzo’s life, one from which he had barred her for months. There hadn’t been any negotiating it, and she couldn’t say whether that made it better or worse. Rather, she hadn’t tried to go where he didn’t seem to want her. She also hadn’t tried to discover whether it was a matter of wanting at all. He did want her. He had, with clarity and audacity, from the day they met. She’d seen how he treated people that he didn’t want but had yet to experience that kind of terrible disregard from him.

Still, for all they discussed, the red lines and boundaries of their own relationship went without remark—either unspeakable or so self-evident as to require no demarcation. Leonor believed most of the time that it was the latter. She knew that her life had steadily cohered around his. The rhythm of it attracted her, able to fill the grave-silent vacuum where her own had once been. Although it had, important distinctions remained. Now, waking up in his bed, surrounding by what looked to be all of his worldly possessions, knowing he allowed her to be there because she needed him that much, because he cared about her that much, she suspected at least one distinction had blurred irrevocably. 

Just as quick as the realization took hold, so too did the understanding that it didn’t bother her. She noted she was alone in the room. That meant something. She took in the sight of everything bathed in daylight, from the careless stacks of books to the rumpled clothes strewn on the floor to the overflowing boxes shoved into the small room’s corners. It had seemed peculiar to her that he lived in the guesthouse instead of the perfectly suitable villa to which it belonged. Looking around, she began to appreciate why he would make such a choice. For anyone else, it would have been silly or, worse, performative. Leonor, rolling over into the pillows that smelled like him, felt she now unlocked some deeper knowledge of everything he had ever told her about himself—like she could feel what he felt when he claimed to be so uncomfortable and discontent in places other people might kill to experience. In that, yet another distinction dissolved. 

Renzo hadn’t answered the phone when Leonor called, and his flippant prerecorded message sounded cruel as it played. Her hope had been reassurance—comfort, really���in the clarity he tended to offer. Instead, the sound of his voice disheartened her further. Her mind raced all night without guidance to quiet it. It chased away sleep, banging together gut-wrenching thoughts with insistence and urgency. The idea of her mother’s belongings cast out into the world, ripped away before she could claim them for her own sentimental needs, felt just as discordant as the haphazard crashing of cymbals. She had grasped onto half-formed notions of how to retrieve these mysterious belongings, but a plan refused to cohere. Even after crying as she hadn’t in weeks, the burden of emotional exhaustion didn’t slow down the pace of her thoughts.  

She slept much better in Renzo’s bed, even if it was the first time she’d ever been in it. 

He was a private person and, anyway, she had eagerly brought him into her house. His opinion mattered to her as soon as he set foot inside; he liked the artwork in her dining room so much that she'd immediately gifted him one of the large pieces, frame and all. It perplexed him, as if he wasn't sure what he would do with it. 'You don't collect it?' she asked him. He shrugged. 'That's what everyone asks. I should smarten up, huh?' Leonor had imagined his home full of art—obscure, iconoclastic finds, too, not the low-hanging fruit. That exchange and several others kept her curious about what his home looked like.

Luckily, she was the nosy kind of curious. She asked around without shame on a couple of occasions, wondering aloud where he lived and what his house was like. She did know his address. He’d given it to her driver, at the end of long nights or when he left her house in the afternoon. All it told her was that he lived in a quiet, star-studded neighborhood that was the new money equivalent of her own. That wasn’t surprising, even if she imagined him in a trendy downtown apartment rather than one of those high-walled coastal villas. His friends offered less-than-colorful descriptions of what was inside. They seemed confused by the question, even. ‘It’s just a house.’ He wasn’t much for decorating. They went over to drink and smoke and and gamble and watch films. She could imagine it well enough, a gaggle of off-duty actors squished together on a big couch. What kind of couch, though? That was the root of it—she could imagine Renzo’s eyes lighting up at the sight of an old, ugly sofa in a dusty secondhand store, but she couldn’t quite picture him bringing it home with any purpose or intent. In the same way she inherited a house designed for someone else, she supposed he simply occupied someone else’s dream home. 

As it turned out, that was the case. Imposing fences, dense foliage, and locked gates hid all the houses on the street from view. Leonor had initially noted the averageness of the house itself, but she soon found herself more intrigued by the discovery that he resided in the guesthouse instead. She'd cast a glance back at the main house looming large and empty, then laughed as she turned back to the little doll’s home Renzo preferred. Inside, Leonor flipped on every light she encountered as she wandered around. She had felt a strange, sheepish delight that he wasn’t present to observe the way her eyes lingered on every detail. It was greedy, but she wanted to see everything that was his. 

The guesthouse possessed a neutral, modern style that didn’t represent Renzo very well, but he had made it his own. His old shoes piled up in the entryway. The living room, small to her but an open cavern in reality, bore the colorful imprint of his time spent there. VHS tapes clustered around the television set. Evidence of card games past littered the coffee table, along with books, a full ashtray, abandoned bottles of lukewarm beer. Leonor smiled at the little potted cactus. In the music nook, a record collection sat with a couple of guitars. Leonor envisioned him stretched out on the solitary lounge chair, reading the book tossed at its foot, making use of the hard candy or rolling papers on the side table in between chapters. She took one of the candies as she passed by, leaving behind her wrapper with those already discarded. 

The staircase led directly to the single bedroom. Leonor had been able to see in the moonlight, and she soon felt a tug of unease.  Even more than downstairs, Renzo’s bedroom looked like the sanctuary she had suspected his home must be. It was cluttered and overflowed with belongings, some collecting dust and others arranged as if he would return to them any minute. His very life was here. It fit in a single room. Some of it spoke for itself, and others were inscrutable symbols of stories she had yet to hear. What was it like, she wondered, to both live with such sentimentality and to be so without roots? For a moment, she had wanted to turn around and leave, as if she hadn’t earned the right to such an intimate look at him. Instead, she pulled the door shut and crawled into the unmade bed. 

Walking into the house, the nostalgic scent of stale smoke sunk into fabric greeted her. A fleeting recollection of climbing into her mother's personal car sprung to mind in response. The same smell clung to the sheets and pillows, melded with the sweet, earthen scents Renzo wore. She could all but hear her grandmother’s voice ranting about the acerbic stench she loathed, for reasons both hygienic and spiteful, but Leonor found the familiarity comforting. It smelled like her mother’s embrace the morning after a big fight, when she came inside from the balcony with a tired, apologetic smile on her face and last night’s smoke still in her hair. An ocean breeze blew inside from the open doors, and it ruffled Leonor’s hair as she turned to face the view. The water was barely visible through the foliage, but its shimmering in the distance was unmistakable. She listened to the wind, and the quiet city whisperings it carried, and soon felt at home.

As Leonor descended the spiral staircase the next morning, the sound of voices alerted her yet again to the fact that she was imposing. Renzo’s plans for the weekend hadn’t included her. She was supposed to be away and, in any case, he had mentioned meeting a friend. It didn’t occur to her as she’d pulled on her underwear and selected a shirt from the floor to wear—and only that, crucially—that he could be meeting someone at home, right now, while she slept her way from morning to early afternoon. Possibilities flashed through her mind as her steps down the staircase slowed. It could be someone important, like his agent, who sounded dour even on the telephone. Or, it could be a familiar face who would see her bare legs and just laugh. She decided to risk it and managed to pad all the way over to the sunken sitting area before Renzo looked up at her. 

“How’d you sleep?” he asked as she regarded his guest, a stranger, with a quizzical look.

“Hard,” she replied. "Knocked out.” 

Renzo chuckled, and the man sat across from him piped up, “Hey. I don’t know if you remember me. Jim.”

Leonor stared at his face. He was possibly the most non-Uspanian looking man she had ever seen, and his accent supported that notion. Still, she couldn't remember where she might have seen him. His was a forgettable face, too. “I don’t, sorry. Nice to meet you—again.” 

“Jim’s a photographer,” Renzo added. 

Leonor nodded. He looked like a photographer, and he looked like the kind of photographer that Renzo would befriend. Nonetheless, she feigned dismay, announcing, “Oh, no, I better go hide, then—!”

“Editorial, mostly,” Jim clarified with a laugh. “Yeah, I dabble in photojournalism, but strictly the kind that’s, you know, real news.” 

The conversation lulled while Leonor turned her attention back to Renzo, nudging him with her toes until he reached up to help her climb down onto the couch. Although Jim watched them, he may as well have not been present at all. Leonor wished he wasn’t. Buoyed by the satisfaction of having achieved a new kind of intimacy, Leonor hoped to float down the stairs and right into Renzo’s arms. She wanted a tour of the house, and she wanted to take her time in every part of it. In a sense, the day was halfway over, and it could have progressed like all of the sleepovers before it, making up for lost morning hours with late night ones. Renzo maintained late-rising night owl's hours, and Leonor was happy to follow him into bed and out of it irrespective of where the sun might’ve been sitting in the sky. Today, he was awake early with a friend, and Leonor had to settle for conveying her disappointment through expression alone. He smirked at her while he squeezed her thigh, and she took that as a wordless promise. 

Nestled between him and the couch, Leonor turned her attention back to Jim. “Jim, have you done anything I would recognize?” 

“Maybe,” he began, “But—”

“And you’re from Simerica, too?”

Jim chuckled, and Leonor felt Renzo react to that with his own amused scoff. 

“I met Renzo at the Beverly Hills Hotel,” Jim explained. “He walked into my shot and then told me to go fuck myself. Southern charm, this guy.”

Although there was affection in Jim’s tone, Renzo protested this characterization while Leonor snickered. It was believable, but perhaps that was the problem. “He was being a bitch about it. I wandered by. So what?”

“It was my first Interview job! I can admit I was a teeny bit on edge,” Jim retorted.

Again, they fell quiet while Renzo tended to the cigarette he’d been holding and Leonor observed from where she lay against his chest. 

Jim looked on. His expression shifted into one of careful concentration. He asked without any prelude, “Can I photograph you?” 

It wasn’t a question she couldn’t have anticipated, but Leonor was still surprised. She wrinkled her brow and cast another glance to Renzo before trying to clarify what Jim wanted. “Me?”

“Both of you. Together.”

“Um … When?”

“Now? Today. I have my camera right here.”

“It’s up to you,” Renzo murmured to her.

Indeed, Jim’s camera sat on the coffee table, perched atop a stack of tapes leftover from whatever difficult movie-watching decision Renzo had last made. Leonor looked at it, imagining the shuttering of its lens as it pointed toward her. What kind of photographs did Jim have in mind? She didn’t know what his work looked like, although his association with Renzo offered clues. He wouldn’t have befriended someone whose art he didn’t respect, and Renzo was just as well-acquainted with posing for cameras as Leonor herself. Had Jim taken photographs of him before, aside from whatever unintentional cameo he’d made when they first met? Polaroid flashes went off constantly during their nights of partying, but that, much like the hounding flashes of paparazzi, differed from what Jim was proposing. He wanted to photograph them in Renzo’s home. He would want a performance of candidity, that elusive desire of everyone in his profession. They would be relaxed, together, his object being their relationship, not either of the two individuals that formed it. It wasn't lost on her that he asked for a photo shoot while they ignored him in favor of each other.

Jim’s question, with Renzo’s gentle and immediate yielding, brought yet another once-sharp distinction into soft focus. 

“Well …” Leonor meant to forestall announcing a decision, but her tone gave it away. Jim smiled as she said to Renzo, “We do look good together. Not too many good quality daytime pictures, are there? Hm.”

Jim was eager to seal the deal. “Just a casual offer,” he insisted. “Just for fun. Perk of having interesting friends.”

Leonor nodded. He must have taken pictures of Renzo before. He acted like a bashful schoolboy with a surprising report card whenever she found photos of him to coo over. 'Put it away! It's embarrassing.' Those photographers had success with him, managing to coax out the version that played well with others and didn't resent his blessings. Fancy pictures taken by a friend would be something different. Perhaps Jim's photos had been monochrome closeups that turned his large, green eyes into a soft, warm gray and made even more pronounced the sharp lines of his face. Although she had seen countless photos of herself, she couldn’t fully see how she would fit into that frame—what they would look like together, through Jim’s mechanical eyes. 

“No publication? Nowhere?” she asked, forcing herself back to the concrete specifics. 

Jim shook his head. “I’ll give you prints to keep, and you can do whatever with them.” 

She felt a flutter. It was the kind of ingenuous excitement that always appeared with embarrassment nipping at its heels. What would she do, frame one and put it on her bedside table—stick it to her refrigerator with a cute magnet, tuck it into the sun visor of her car, keep it in her purse alongside her credit cards and notes-to-self? Even if they felt silly, there was nothing ridiculous in those suggestions. Her desire for what Jim offered was sincere. That, coupled with the subtle feeling of Renzo nuzzling his cheek against her hair, confirmed the suspicion she had awoken with less than an hour ago. Somehow, today was different. Every day after would have to be as well.

Surprised by the softness of her own words when she spoke, Leonor affirmed, “Okay, then. Sounds like fun.”

TRANSCRIPT:

[Leonor murmurs]

[Camera shutters, indistinct voices]

RENZO (O.S.) | Open your mouth—

[Birds chirping, Leonor laughs]

RENZO | How’d you sleep? LEONOR | Hard. Knocked out. [Renzo chuckles]

JIM | Hey. I don’t know if you remember me. Jim. LEONOR | I don’t, sorry. Nice to meet you—again.

RENZO | Jim’s a photographer. LEONOR | Oh, no, I better go hide, then— JIM | [laughs] Editorial, mostly. Yeah, I dabble in photojournalism, but strictly the kind that’s, you know, real news.

LEONOR | Jim, have you done anything I would recognize?

JIM | Maybe, but— LEONOR | And you’re from Simerica, too? JIM | I met Renzo at the Beverly Hills Hotel. He walked into my shot and then told me to go fuck myself. Southern charm, this guy. [Leonor snickers]

RENZO | He was being a bitch about it. I wandered by. So what? JIM | It was my first Interview job! I can admit I was a teeny bit on edge. [Laughter]

JIM | Can I photograph you?

LEONOR | Me? JIM | Both of you. Together. LEONOR | Um … When? JIM | Now? Today. I have my camera right here. RENZO | It’s up to you. LEONOR | Well … We do look good together. Not too many good quality daytime pictures, are there? Hm.

JIM | Just a casual offer. Just for fun. Perk of having interesting friends. LEONOR | No publication? Nowhere? JIM | I’ll give you prints to keep, and you can do whatever with them.

LEONOR | Okay, then. Sounds like fun.

[omegalomania]

OKAY SO for the record store listening parties there was some prerecorded commentary by patrick and i don't remember all of what he said but i'm gonna try and list everything i can remember for those who didn't/couldn't make it! there will be NO ALBUM SPOILERS in this post other than to say it's really really really fucking good and i can't wait to shove the whole thing down my facehole properly when it comes out next week.

it wasn't a track by track commentary but there were a couple breaks between songs for him to talk and this is what i recall best:

when introducing the album patrick did the whole "so like, i know we're supposed to say we're proud of it. but we ARE. it was a group effort and i hope you guys like it :)"

before "hold me like a grudge" he said went on a big long ramble about "okay so i KNOW i said that other side was the last song we wrote before the record was done but that was actually wrong. this song was the last one to be added because i was driving home and i got a text of some lyrics from pete and i started writing the song at stoplights DONT DO THIS BY THE WAY and by the time i got home the song was done in my head DO NOT DO THIS DO NOT WRITE WHILE YOU DRIVE and then i called neal and said can we please please please add this one please and he said sure"

he kept punctuating this story with "DON'T FUCKING DO THIS I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS DONT WRITE WHILE YOU DRIVE PLEASE"

the point is that hold me like a grudge was the last song to make the album though

there was one track, i won't spoil which one, where he said he worked super hard to play all the brass parts in the studio and then after he got done doing that they got an Actual Orchestra to play the brass parts and it was like professionals doing this at their studio and patrick was like "well. all right then!!!!"

another track (again, not saying which) had a piano part that he played and was really nervous about but he said neal got the best possible performance out of him!

there was one track he called his baby that he fought extra hard to keep on the record and i DON'T remember which one EDIT: It was "what a time to be alive"!!

during one song (i can't recall which) he talks about how andy had to switch drumkits mid-song specifically to go harder on certain sections

there was one song where he talked about how it was written before the pandemic but it ended up being weirdly clairvoyant lyrically. only he says that it was very "prescient" and then stumbles over the word "prescient" and confesses he doesn't know how it's pronounced because he's only seen and read it in print.

after the record was done he was like "so that was the record! and i hope you guys liked it. and if you didn't then um we have other records that you can listen to. instead. if you want to."

also a long ramble about how grateful he was for the fans and how it means the world that they can inspire anyone at all. he said that pete says it all the time but it's still true that the fans are everything to them. he mentioned not ever getting used to being a real big band like this and if he can do it then anyone can. "if my stupid face can make it on a teen magazine then so can yours!"

anyway bottom line patrick is a fucking nerd and it was so so so endearing to hear him talk about this record

if anyone remembers anything else that he said that i left out feel free to add but please no spoilers for the album itself! you can make your own posts for that and i just wanted to give a rundown for people who weren't able to attend a listening party <3

[atonalginger]

WIP Wednesday

thank for the tag @eridanidreams! I'm still so excited for that crossover you're working on with Starborn!Sam and your Cait!

for my snippet I have some Cora and her budding sweetheart and maybe a touch of drama, because I live on angst and spite at this point...

This is in Manny's POV btw

“Howdy handsome,” Cora’s voice tickled Manny’s ear and made them blush. Jazz grinned and winked at them before walking away.

Manny took a breath and turned around with a smile, “hey, how’d the indoor games go?”

“About as good as they could have,” Cora shrugged, “I think telephone went the best. The kids seemed to like the telegraph machine. Bella knocked it out of the park with the prerecorded messages making it sound like Molly was receiving actual messages and then Daiyu and I would pass them along. We got some wild changes too. One message was supposed to be ‘Akila City needs chicken eggs’ and we ended up with ‘Ack, I need some tent pegs’. Had Daiyu rolling when she got the response.”

“Ack,” Manny echoed in an exaggerated way. As if on cue, the wind picked up and caught their hat, Cora catching it before it hit the ground.

She looked it over, fixed one of the loose feathers, pulled the strings out of crown, and brushed some of the dust off the brim before reaching up, smoothing back Manny’s hair and placing the hat back on their head, “need to be more careful.”

“I do,” Manny stared into her big brown eyes and felt themselves getting lost, “luckily I have you here.”

“Yup,” Cora winked and looked over their shoulder at the range, “who’s on deck for this show?”

“Sophie wanted Rokov, Thrasher, and Seumas to go next.”

“I distinctly remember Rokov saying sharpshooting wasn’t his strong suit,” Cora glanced back, looking adorably confused.

“Thrasher and Seumas are worse,” Manny reminded her, “it’s a different sort of show. Seumas had wanted Bella in on it too but she said she doesn’t want people to know about that skillset so…no Bella.”

“Okay so if it’s not sharpshooting then what is it?”

“Knife throwing,” Jazz let a shallow bin of weighted knives drop onto the table behind the teens, “nothing too crazy, none of them are circus performers or anything, but all three are crazy accurate. I think there might be some axe throwing too if Thrasher remembers to grab the crate in the Sheriff’s office.”

“So that’s why they moved the tables up?” Cora asked.

“Yeah, and we plan on setting up a table of wonderfully explosive gourds and melons too.” Jazz smiled and then waved wildly at someone behind them, “there’s my chance to yank this duster off, don’t let any of the kids touch this bin.”

“On it,” Cora gave a salute.

Manny nodded at Thrasher as he walked up with a crate, the big Russian nodding back as he rounded the waist high barrier and plopped the crate onto the table. The axeheads and metal handles crashed into one another, the metal on metal clashing breaking the peace of the moment.

Off in the distance on the other side of town near the saloon stood Doc Melody with one of the many mothers. They couldn’t see the stranger’s face but they could see Doc’s and she looked upset. Distressed to be exact, like she was struggling to keep calm in that moment. Manny was about to say something when Tio Gabi strolled up to the pair, stopping next to Doc as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and looked to the stranger, a warm smile that didn’t reach his eyes as he started to speak.

“Do you know where your Dad is at the moment?” Manny looked back to Cora, who was busy fixing her hair.

“I believe he’s in the Sheriff’s office with Becker. Needed a break to rest his ankle.”

“I think he needs to head up toward the front of town,” Manny tried to stay calm, “your mom looks upset.”

Cora’s head snapped around and after a beat she was in motion, “I’ll let him know. Thank you.”

“No problem,” Manny said as they continued to watch the trio near the saloon, Doc’s facade starting to crack. I hope everything’s okay.

[lightaflme]

can i request kingdom reaction to kairo's visuals and skills?

— kairo’s recognition on kingdom

a/n hello!! thank you so much for requesting :D! this also feeds into my little ideas for kairo on kingdom/rtk so thank u for that HAHA i hope u enjoy! and i hope u don’t mind it being bullet-pointed 🥲🥲 below are some outift references for kairo’s fit in the no air stage!

kairo’s masterlist

gif credits to @/ridin and @/jaemtens!

kairo got lots of attention during kingdom and going viral for his stages and skills. he has been praised many times for his stage presence and how he perfectly fits in the boyz’s kingdom concepts!

one of his most viral moments up to this day is his ice skating intro for no air (a song of ice and fire)

he went viral for both his outstanding visuals and unexpected talent for ice skating

he’s no olympic or professional skater, but he enjoys it as a hobby and took many classes when he was younger and he also flexes on his members when they go ice skating and they make him teach them HAHA

with this hobby, kairo decided that he wanted to take advantage of it and add it to their performances. they ended up renting out an ice rink for a day just for this small intro, kairo even helped with the money and budget, so kind of him!

noone really knew of his knowledge of ice skating other than tbz and some of his idol friends, so when the short underwater intro didn’t cut to a stage but to a prerecorded video of kairo on a decorated ice rink, everyone was SHOCKED

skz han, loudly: IS HE GONNA SKATE??

skz felix: hey.. this is a bit unfair don’t you think 😅

atz san: WOOYOUNG DID KAIRO TELL U THAT HE COULD ICE SKATE?1$1@

atz wooyoung: NO?1??2

a whole lot of jaws dropped, silence because groups were just watching in awe, cheers when he does tricks, praising him about how elegant he looks on the ice, and how he’s so talented

btob: this is gorgeous.. 😨

ikon jay: this is so cool! he already dances really well, and you’re saying he can ice skate too? wow..

sf9 taeyang: isn’t he so graceful?

skz bang chan: hey… i did NOT expect this 😭

atz hongjoong: the boyz impress me everytime..

they still kept the pov kind of camera, so the camera followed him around on the ice and sometimes he would take the camera person’s hands and hold them to keep the rpg game vibe

sf9’s jaeyoon: i wish he could hold my hand like that

skz lee know: oh my, he’s so handsome

his intro segment may have not been super long, but you definetly didn’t want to miss a single second of it

off camera and during some moments during that round of kingdom, he got loads of compliments about his ice skating intro and became very known for it

during the sports day, they even introduced him as ice prince, the boyz’s secret weapon, elsa from frozen(??), and more nicknames related to ice skating 😭

max changmin: who’s next from the boyz? oh look, it’s the ice prince, kairo!

tbz: CHOI KAIRO PLEASE DO SOME TRICKS!1!2

ikon bobby: WOOO KAIRO!!

ateez, especially woosan: ENCORE PLEASE!!! PLEASE SPIN FOR US!!!!

skz han: OUR ICE PRINCE CHOI KAIRO!!!!

kairo, covering his face: STOP ITKSJE

overall, kairo definetly brought in many new fans with his extraordinary, unexpected performance on the ice! both from fellow participants and fans of the other groups on kingdom

some other eye-catching moments of kairo were his visuals in general

ending fairies, small clips of him performing, his stage presence would make him go viral and have non-deobis asking who he was

kairo’s charming expressions and looks made many people drawn to him

even when he wasn’t on the stage and just behind the scenes, he was still very noticed!

kairo gained compliments throughout all of the rounds

skz changbin: wow, he suits this concept so well (o sole mio: the red wedding)

btob penial: kairo is so stunning! it’s shocking! (no air: a song of ice and fire)

ikon bobby: mannn, he’s handsome, they’re all so handsome (monster: stormborn)

to non-fans that know of the boyz, he’s usually known as the handsome ice skater from kingdom 😭

some things kairo also got recognition for was his dancing!

with his sharp and clean movements, you could easily recognize that he was one of the main dancers of the boyz

he could easily fit any concept and his dancing would be so different but always so mesmerizing

overall, kairo felt like kingdom was a great way to show off his skills as a performer and how he can pull off such intense stages. he got to explore concepts and show some hidden talents that he had. despite it being a hard experience and it took lots of work, he’s very grateful for the opportunity of being in the boyz ❤️

[ilhoonftw]

I think one reason why intl fans are completely against mhj is because of that info leaking allegation cuz now all stans of all groups are speculating about how any bad press or scandal in the past few years was her doing and this allows them to completely shift the blame from the artists like I’ve seen people allege how those bad lee serafim performance critiques were clearly paid for and started by her. On the other hand hybe has some were prominent company stans. I also think sometimes people have a general hard time just accepting that somebody shitty is partly right and partly wrong as well.

It’s so weird and interesting to see how much practically everybody is leaning into a ‘good guy’ and ‘bad guy’ narrative. Like the cherrypicking of info. I saw somebody say that mhj was saying weird things about Lee serafim and their debut but when you zoom out the truth is that yeah she was saying some super weird stuff about them but also she was standing up for the nj girls cuz their debut was getting pushed back and when hybe was questioned about it they basically shrugged the concerns away. Like dude all of them are creepy but this also shows how little hybe cares about those girls as well.

on the newjeans note I also found it so creepy but concerning how much those young girls are going through turmoil cuz mhj isn’t settling firm boundaries between them like I admit I know that within this industry the line between the managerial staff and artist gets very blurred cuz that’s who you spend the most time with so they’re almost family but still those girls should not have to call you crying worrying about your mental health mhj. I genuinely wonder what’s going on with those girls cuz right now yeah since they’re profitable hybe will want to keep them but clearly there’s a certain callousness with which they’re dealing with them but on the other side mhj is just such a concerning case as well. I hope things work out for them they’re all so young. I know I’m making assumptions but I get so so pissed off at the parents for even putting such young girls in these positions to begin with. I’m sorry this was so long it’s just everybody is extremely favouring one side and I just wanted to vent to somebody who sees that they’re all absolute asses

death to company stans tbh

i doubt mhj really has this much of hold on the industry to be the mastermind behind everything bad that went on in 2k23 💀 bigshit on the other hand was always slimey i was there gandalf. eye for eye tbh, everyone in entertainment keeps tabs on each other, it's business...

ls bad singing controversy were p organic, like every year there's a group that gets in hot waters for being bad singers and their encore ridiculed... twice, jimin, kang daniel, hell even kara used to be called the 'group that can't sing' 💀 i mean that's why idols don't sing live and companies have them prerecord pretend live versions that have even heavy breaths included... to avoid bad live singing controversy. i mean stans will defend everything, say 'oh they were tired' but it's kinda crazy how singing lessons aren't a priority

i feel like 'mhj is a creep' and 'mhj cares for nj in her own way' and 'mhj was screwed over by the bigshit machine' can coeexist

it's also wild how everyone glosses over the absolute lack of concerns towards idols as human beings shown by hitman bang 💀 if he doesn't care for nj and toyed with their fates by messing with debut date then he doesn't give a shit about your faves either...

a lot of what is painted in the media as bad is just regular idol system bullshit. 'oh they were scouted by different company and spent x years there' well apink was trained in cube but president hong decided to let them go and have debut them in different company called 'a cube' and apink members parents were rightfully upset about it yeeears later. trainee transfers are a normal thing? how many boy trainees went through cube after 2016? how many debuted elsewhere... how many times a smaller/broke company gets taken over by bigger company and all trainees are sacked... it just doesn't make the news

it pisses me off how every damn time some bullshit goes on, there's always a % of audience that treats it like a tennis match. pick their guy and their guy is the goodest good guy. 0 nunace. good people do bad things, hello??? also terrible people can do good things. b&w thinking truly rots brains

it's been obvious mhj is treating nj members like they are her friends and not employees... it's strange. the sns posts too. boundaries are beautiful she should try it. i feel so bad for the girls became clearly they are on the losing end irregardless of the outcome. isn't everyone but oldest member a school drop out too? the concepts they had always had me 😬😬😬 bc clearly mhj has some weird obsession with youth. i don't like her one bit

i feel like right now mhj is painted as paranoid woman who tried to screw hybe over 💀 ton of ableism too, assuming she's mentally ill. i studied glass ceiling and other barriers for women in the workplace my sociology graduation thesis and a lot of what's going on is ringing bells for me. like you have a male boos who will say you're emotional and useless all while he's having mood swings everyday at work 💀 in sk it's even worse. a lot of workplace harassement towards women seems mild so it goes unreported but it makes showing up to work x10 harder and p much nerfs workplace mobility. it's systemic. mhj straight up was put on a glass cliff

to sum it up i'm on side of human rights

fucked up idols are overworked and hardly paid, the money they earn goes into new company building and then their group disbands and they leave the company... the building still standing and being used by everyone but them

[muselin]

If you're too old then I'm a fossil already!! I entirely agree. 1st through 3rd gen were trained to sing live, and they did. NOW? It's so fucking difficult to find stages where anyone sings live anymore. Don't believe me? Look at MAMA 2015, 2016, 2017 - it was LIT, live singing, adlibs, screaming, a real live show. Look at it from 2020 onwards - no one sings live. There are outliers and once in a while there will be live singing of course, but the vast majority of vocals are pre-recorded. And I know and I can hear it because I grew up watching so many live performances that now I can immediately tell when something is prerecorded vocals or live. I am still sad about Yu Huiyeol's Sketchbook being cancelled because that was one of the only shows where it was prestigious to sing live and idols came to really show people what they could do with live vocals.

2022's MAMA one of the only people who sang live was Hyolyn, a 2nd gen idol, and she did that while being fucking suspended in the air. You could clearly hear her live voice overpower the prerecorded vocal and it was purely her live voice for the second half of her performance. If even vocal powerhouses like Hyolyn are being pushed to use prerecorded vocals, what hope do we have for live singers? Do not let the standards drop, or we are one step further away each day from real, human, live performances and one step closer to AI mimicking that which personally is not what I look for in art and music.

y’all i’m gettin too old for this shit these kids are unironically debating whether or not singers…should sing

[mariesocuniverse]

Wardrobe Malfunction

A stylist choses the wrong shorts for Mae

Era: Cherry Bomb, 2017

As the only girl in the group, Mae’s clothing has to be prepared differently from the boys. And some of them were...inconvenient to say the least.

While she didn’t perform in skirts, some of the shorts she wore were shorter than necessary.

Normally, Mae would be fine with these type of outfits, but considering the choreography of Cherry Bomb, especially the ending section, she was having second thoughts.

Mae tugged the ends of her clothes, hoping that it could cover more. She had a pair of safety shorts, but it could only help so much for her.

She had asked one of the stylists for pants, but she was bluntly told that they only had those shorts for her, and it would take too long to find more.

Mae nervously sat in her seat, jacket on her lap to hide her legs.

All of the stylists were busy, so even if she wanted to talk to them, she would have to bother them.

No one seemed to notice until it was time for the prerecording. 

“Unnie! Are you okay?” A fan asked her as she walked on stage. Even thought she said she was, it was clear that nobody believed it.

As much as she tried to hide it, people could notice her discomfort as she did certain moves, or how she tried pulling down her shorts. Luckily, before the ending dance, Doyoung tossed his jacket to her, which she accepted gratefully.

“Are you okay?” He asked, seeing Mae rush back into the waiting room. Mae nodded hesitantly, shifting in her seat. Doyoung tsked, clearly not believing her.

“The stylist said they didn’t have any other clothes for me.” She whispered, not wanting to draw attention to herself. 

“Yah, what are you doing?” Said stylist, watching Mae fiddle with the jacket, ” That’s not part of your outfit.”

“Can’t you see she’s uncomfortable?” Doyoung cut in, stopping the stylist from saying anything else,” Considering the choreography, you should’ve thought of a better choice of short for her.”

Mae’s eyes widened. She didn’t expect Doyoung to say anything like that, especially to a staff member. Mae tugged on his shirt, hoping he would stop, but he didn’t.

“What’s going on?” The head stylist said, sensing the commotion. 

“Doyoung-sshi, was arguing with me about the outfit choices. “ The other stylist said, placing the blame on him, “Even though we dont have any other choices.”

Doyoung glared at her, nearly reaching his limit. The head stylist gave Mae a once over and scowled at the stylist. 

“Well he’s right! Mae’s clothes aren’t fit for this!” 

The other stylist blinked, surprised at the scolding. At this point, all eyes on the waiting room were on them. 

“You said she didn’t have any extra? Bring her a pair or Mark’s shorts and see if it’ll fit.”

The head stylist sighed as the other stylist raced off, pestering another staff member for Mark’s shorts. 

“I apologize for her behavior. This isn’t the first time this has happened.” She said, bowing her head, “I’ll deal with her after the performance.”

“If this isn’t the first time, I’d worry about the future.” Doyoung said after Mae changed her shorts, which fit nicely much to her relief.

Mae nodded, quickly putting her in ear on and adjusting her outfit in the mirror.

“Do you still need my jacket?” He offered, holding it out for her. Mae shook her head, taking the jacket and wrapping it around Doyoung. 

“Looks much better on you!” She said with a smile.

Doyoung laughed and ruffled her hair, much to her displeasure. 

“Glad to know you’re okay now.”

“But now I gotta fix my hair!”

(A/N sorry for the rush, I didn’t know exactly how to end this)

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 7 June ‘21

Liam’s podcast with Steve Bartlett is out and while I still don’t care about that guy I’ll give him this-- he does great at getting out of the way and letting Liam talk. And boy does Liam talk! Liam says A LOT and let’s all just pause to send him some big hugs before we get into right? And then look to the future- Liam’s routine is to say ‘things have been terrible but it’s fine, it’s fine NOW’, always, even when that is absolutely obviously not true, and today is no different but for once I actually believe some of his hopeful bits too which is so great! I hope things really are shifting for him and I can’t wait to hear this new song of his. But there’s a lot that’s hard to hear too, oh Liam. He said that he and Maya have broken up (so yes, presumably why he just moved again such a short time after they moved into their haunted house), talked about his struggles with his alcoholism (and said he’s been sober for a month right now, go babe!), shared the usual distressing stories about his time in the band and what that was like for him (and how it still impacts him), and he talked about his new song and how it feels different for him than his past solo music. Truly though there is SO MUCH more than I can get into here or then you can get from the UA highlights- I HIGHLY recommend actually watching at least parts of the video, also because the attempt to summarize so much erases all the charm and humor, of which there is much. If you don’t think you want to watch Liam’s interviews, it has to be because you aren’t watching Liam’s interviews, they’re delightful! Plus really if you care about 1D and want information about what it was like for any of them, listen to Liam, he’s the one who’s out there talking about it.

About Maya he said, that yes, he is now single, and “I’ve just been not been very good at relationships,” and “I’m a proper perfectionist… at the start of the relationship you put out this complete false character like I might as well go in in costume, I’m like putting out something that is not there... kind of like encompassing someone else’s life with your crap rather than just doing your thing and laying out your store from day one. That’s my biggest problem is that I feel like I don’t lay out my store... and then I’m annoyed when they don’t like what I like,” and “I think my problem is I struggle to be on my own sometimes... I dive in and out of relationships too quickly. I’ve not spent enough time on my own to relearn about myself.”

He laughs about his tendency to ask his manager things during interviews; “My fans think that Steve is doing something to me, they’re like liberty for Liam because he always looks to Steve, but that’s because I like him. It’s not because he’s harming me as a person. There’s like a hashtag Liberty for Liam because they think I’m some like prison child,” and he also said “my manager’s my best friend,” (and he’s said in the past he is a big support for him) and mentioned stuff they’d talked about recently around his therapeutic awakenings.

He talked about therapy being something you have to want to do and be ready to do rather than being pushed into, like getting sober, and says that this time around with his own therapy work he’s really felt that and thrown himself into it and he talked a lot about his relationship to therapy in connection with band days. “I mean one of our old managers went to therapy from being a manager of One Direction. So if you can imagine how that feels like the rest of us definitely need some.”

“We were young,” he said, “What I found was I didn’t know I was the boss until like a few months ago, I still don’t even feel like I am now, like I’m such a child. And everyone I work with now is older than me and wiser than me and I’m like what the hell am I doing here with these people. When we were 17 I thought the security guard was like in charge of me so I was like Can we leave the room? No? Oh ok then,” and “when we were in the band, the best way to secure us was just lock us in our rooms. And of course what’s in the room? Minibar. So at a certain point, I thought Well I’m gonna have a party for one and that just seemed to carry on throughout many years of my life... You know I spoke to somebody about this in child development as a teen, the one thing you need is freedom to make choices. That we could do anything we wanted it seemed from the outside but we were always locked in a room at night and then it would be car, hotel room, stage, sing, locked. So it’s like they pulled the dust cloth off, let us out for a minute, but then it’s back underneath again,” and “the day the band ended I was like thank the lord for that. And I know a lot of people are going to be mad with me for saying that, but I needed it to stop. It would kill me.” Anyway, he said, because it wouldn’t be Liam without an upbeat coda, “I don’t want any of this to get lost in translation. I’m not 100% moaning about my life... it’s had its ups and its downs, but I would rather talk about it and it’s therapeutic for me.”

And what about that exciting new song? Liam said, “We have a really cool song in the pipeline... one of the first ones I’ve actually written myself- with some other people, I didn’t write it by myself, but it’s the first one I’ve really liked. And I think I got so used used carting around other peoples songs and not embedding myself creatively in what I do because I was so scared to find out who I was,” and “I don’t really know how I would tour again. I really want to” [on discord today he said he would be touring next year] “I always said throughout my solo career I’d let my song book speak to me. And I don’t think my song book spoke to me to get off my ass. I only became a solo artist because I had Strip That Down. I wasn’t gonna do it, I was gonna leave it alone. I was like, I survived it once thank you very much- but I’m back in now. Because the song, I knew it was right. It felt right with that song, I hadn’t had that. This year, the song we have I feel really really great about. So I’d rather let the music do the talking than me come out and force it. We don’t need any more useless music in the world, it needs to mean something,” and he mentioned the new song on the discord a lot too, most notably picking out a long comment that thanked him for making the fan feel supported and safe and for “putting your heart in everything you do” and for his support of the LGBTQ community to respond to with, “I think you will really like the new song.”

A few other random bits, he said that he thinks there should be a system to make therapy available to musicians in the industry, “I think I’m definitely gonna get a dog because I need routine,” and “I recently started jujitsu,” yeah you and everyone else huh, so do him and Louis and Oli go to the same gym or ???, and he acknowledged that as an addict he may have just transferred that to working out “but there’s a lot worse things to be addicted to then looking after yourself” hmm but he does seem to say that he’s doing better around body image stuff; he talks about having put on weight during lockdown and seeing himself in the BAFTAS performance- “I saw myself... and I was like ‘oh my god I’ve completely let myself go in this’. And it was fine...I feel so much more secure in myself now.” Oh and that he’s written a comedic movie script “based around AA” and his experiences there, such as how “I had a really weird AA experience the first time that I went. My first experience was with Russell Brand.” LMAO yes! Cannot wait, bring on auteur Liam please! Anyway as if ALL THAT wasn’t enough he’s also dove into the lead up to his NFT release; he said “I'm almost ready to share my NFTs with you guys... Who wants to see them?” and posted a tiny preview that tells us its (their?) title for the first time- Lonely Bug.

Niall and Anne Marie perform on Jimmy Fallon tonight, and the hype is already a go! I guess it’s prerecorded, as we’re already seeing pictures from it; they’re singing to each other with the cute car from the video in the background. Niall signed on to a letter to Boris Johnson asking for changes to music streaming revenue rules and signed by 232 artists (including all the artists Johnson recently named as his favorites, haha). Zayn signed on to a Billboard petition to the US senate calling for gun safety laws. The bar Zayn got into the fight in front of posted “Zayn's a regular at Amsterdam Billiards and he is a true gentleman. On Thursday night he was confronted by an inebriated passer-by outside on the street and was called a homophobic slur. We support Zayn & condemn homophobia in the strongest terms!” And also PS omg again because it just isn’t going away: Harry’s beauty company is called Pleased As, his name is Harry Edward Styles so yes when listed last name first, as legal documents do, it spells SHE but it is not a “feminist abbreviation” (WHAT? even??) nor the name of the business.

[handsofdarkness]

After The The Aftermath – An Interview With Sharon Den Adel Of Within Temptation

Sharon Den Adel Talks About The Bands Recent Virtual Reality Show, New Album, Tours, And More

Dutch symphonic metal legends Within Temptation have been quite busy as of late. The band recently held an impressive virtual reality stream event, which was unlike anything we’ve seen before. Along with ‘The Aftermath – A Show In A Virtual Reality,’ the band has also released a brand new single, ‘Shed My Skin,” featuring German metalcore act, Annisokay. I caught up with frontwoman Sharon Den Adel, to talk about the recent stream, the new single, and what the band has planned in terms of a new album, and going on tour.

Thanks for speaking with me, Sharon. You’re coming off the release of your event, ‘The Aftermath, A Show In Virtual Reality’, which has been getting a lot of praise. How have you felt about the feedback you’ve been received?

A lot of fans seemed to have liked it. The technology is something new. It’s only the tip of the iceberg that we touched. And it looks a little bit like a game crossed with a music video. It being a show, it did not look as flashy as, say, some of our music videos. Which most people understood, but some didn’t. It’s a new technology after all .I was really happy to see that a lot of people did get the idea behind it, and how we made the show.

The show had to be postponed briefly, and during the filming, did you encounter many technical hurdles?

It was something that we were afraid of that might happen. That was also why the show was prerecorded because we didn’t want to have the show stopped halfway because the data might not have been managed. So that’s why we prerecorded it.

But we still had a lot of technical difficulties because we are pioneering here. After all, it’s a new program. Everybody does it in their own way, and it’s only been out recently. There’s only one other, a Dutch dance event, who did it the way we did as well. And because of so many multi-cameras and all this imagery that’s behind them to canalize the data, it’s a big process. And when something goes wrong, you have to start over again. So there are a lot of technical things that can go wrong, and it takes a lot of time to process.

Fans like to try and immerse themselves as much as they can into streamed content because live shows are something that we all missed, and we miss the feeling of being there. But how difficult is it as a performer to get some of those feelings when there’s no audience to feed off of, and you’re surrounded by green screens?

It’s difficult because you have to really imagine the audience there. But we did have the crew there trying to get me into that vibe, applauding and stuff like that. But it of course, it’s different. I also knew that I had to do it in a very short amount of time. We did it in one day, like the recordings of everyone and all band members.

So it was like, okay, you have one shot, and you better do it well, and immediately go into that vibe as if you are on stage. So you really have to use your imagination a little bit. But I was really happy that people would be watching this, and keeping that in mind is what got me through it.

Something the band is notorious for is performing with these elaborate stage setups, beautiful wardrobes, and stunning visuals. How important was the storytelling aspect of the show, and who came up with the idea of the post-apocalyptic theme?

Robert was really working on that, and I worked with it as well. We’ve seen so many doomsday kind of films over the years. These big, epic movies and stuff. So that was the inspiration, especially coming from a pandemic and talking about where is the world going, and how we living in it.

There was the inspiration from that. It’s something that���s an ongoing process. We also have the Silent Force album; we were inspired very much by that theme, especially because a lot of things were happening in the world at that time as well, as it is now.

How did you go about choosing a setlist for this show? Of course, there was new material, but did you select songs on storytelling aspects to match the overall apocalyptic theme?

Yes, that’s the case because we felt like if you’re telling a story, you need to find the right songs to back it up and give that atmosphere. It also helped that we’ve also had a lot of songs in the past touching this theme. I think it’s also nice for the ones who bought a tickets to see some older songs. Songs that we haven’t played for a long time, like for instance, ‘Forsaken’, which is really an old and golden song from the Silent Force album.

Fans were greeted with many surprises and big moments, but personally for you, what was your favorite moment from the show? And what song did you enjoy playing the most?

The song that registers for me is ‘Shed My Skin”. For the vocal nerd that I am, it’s nice to go from really high to really low. And it’s a real challenge for a singer. So I was really happy to put that song in the setlist.

And very well done too! It was great to see Tarja again; what was it like working with her and getting her to make an appearance for the event?

We always keep in contact with each other, and it’s always an easy connection to make with each other. And we’ve always worked really well with each other, and it’s always fun to work with her. She’s somebody who goes really for the music and is passionate about it. It’s really nice working with her, always.

I’ve always had contact with her throughout the year, and it’s always great, but this time it was not face-to-face. We had a camera crew go to Spain so she could be recorded there. She was very busy with a lot of other stuff as well. So that was the best way to record her live.

Speaking of collaborations, your most recent single, which we’ve talked about, ‘Shed My Skin,’ has a bit of a metalcore twist, and you appropriately collaborated with metalcore act, Annisokay for the song. How did the collaboration come about? And did you specifically write this song for the collaboration?

It’s more that we are always interested in bands who are new and who bring a new sound to the scene. This was a sound we’ve never noticed before. Not for Annisokay, but the metalcore scene was just something that we didn’t listen to much. So for us, it was kind of a new sound with a new vibe, and one of the bands that we like was Annisokay.

And we felt like, okay, let’s approach them and see if they are interested in doing a song with us. And we had already written it. Everything was finished, but they were able to do their own interpretation, but they stayed close to what we had written. It was really fun to work with them.

They are very talented guys, they are very melodic with their music and that’s something that we always like as well. Because we wanted to bring something heavy with the guitars and everything in the music, but we also wanted to bring out a lot of melodies, and that’s something that they do with metalcore.

So we wrote the music and thought it would be cool to approach a band that comes from that scene. And they were our favorites, so we called them and they were really cool and very down to earth and easy people to work with. So yeah, I was happy to meet them and work with them.

Do you enjoy working with other styles of metal and sub-genres, and do you think you’ll do more in the future?

We’ve always done that throughout the years. I think we’re a typical kind of band who likes orchestras and epic kinds of sounds. Throughout our career, we have worked with so many different people. Mina Caputo of Life of Agony, Papa Roach, and some Polish artists. It’s not always people that everybody knows. Sometimes it’s a singer-songwriter, sometimes it’s from totally different kinds of genres that people would not expect from us. But it’s just that some people you really admire or a style that you think is so beautiful that you want to integrate it into your own music. And we’ve always done that in our own way.

Do you plan on releasing any more new music this year, and when can we expect a new album?

We are planning to do maybe one more song this year if things turn out the way we want them to. And, hopefully, at the end of next year, we have a new album out, so we’re working hard trying to manage everything that we have in mind and trying to release new singles every few months. That’s a new idea that we want to try, releasing a new song every three or four months. And so far, we have managed to do that. We’ll see if we can keep it up. You also need to have the right inspiration, of course, to write new stuff.

Are there any shows that you’ll be playing during the festival season?

We’re going to Finland next week, so I’m looking forward to that stuff first, and it’s the only summer festival this year, unfortunately. We also have one in October, which is in the Netherlands, which is also a big festival. I’m looking forward to that as well. But I’m wondering if it will be able to take place because a lot of festivals in the Netherlands have been canceled because of COVID again, unfortunately.

Otherwise, it’s just the shows that we have with Evanescence on the ‘When Worlds Collide” tour, which starts in March and in April. We also have some Russian shows in February, but we have to see how this pandemic is going to go, and where it’s gonna go.

I was just about to bring up the ‘When Worlds Collide’ tour with Evanescence. Do you think that any time in the future we might see a North American tour as well?

I hope so. I think that it’s something that’s on our list, but we don’t know when we’re going to go, because we did have some things cooking, but then the whole pandemic started. We still have to catch up with all these tours that are planed. All the tours and the festivals that we have planed are going to continue and hopefully, after that will be, we will come your way.

We would love to have you guys here. We’re really excited for the upcoming single and the ‘When Wolrds Collide tour,” Which I think is going to happen because everything is opening back up. I just shot my first huge festival here. I travel all over, and there are festivals opening up all over here. So I think that we will be the world stage in seeing how things go in terms of these big festivals if they continue or get postponed due to COVID.

Yeah, I totally understand. And I would love to come to America again, it’s been a while!

We can’t wait to have you guys here, and thank you for speaking with me, Sharon, do you have anything else that you would like to add or say to the fans?

Thank for you the interview, it’s nice to give everyone an update on how were doing here in Europe, and we hope to come your way soon!

[seungmoroll]

Eye Catcher | TOO Chan

Word Count: 1.8K

Genre: special mc y/n x road to kingdom Chan au

Requested: yes

A/N: thank you to the person who requested this! i hope you like it!

When you were asked to be a special MC for Road to Kingdom, you hesitated to say yes. You were told that Lee Dahee was not able to make it the day of filming, so the producers asked for you to take her place. You were quite nervous about being the MC because it was your first time, but when you arrived at the set, Jang Sungkyu was very warm and welcoming and made you feel very comfortable, so then you realized you had nothing to worry about.

Prior to arriving to the studio, you had gotten your hair and makeup done, so all you were doing was waiting in your dressing room, waiting for the producers to get you. You were looking over your lines when you heard a knock at your door. Getting up to open the door, you were met with a group of boys, whom you recognized as TOO. You motion for them to come inside your dressing room, not wanting them to awkwardly stand in the hallway. To say you were intimidated would be an understatement. You weren’t used to being around such big member groups. Once all of them managed to fill up the room, Jaeyun began to introduce the group. You awkwardly stood there as they bowed, slightly bowing towards them and introducing yourself as well.

“Hello, I’m Y/n.” Looking down the line of members, you’re able to put names to their faces, and you could tell that they felt slightly awkward.

“Sorry, if we’re interrupting you.” Jaeyun apologizes to you. Shaking your head no and waving your hands at them, you say, “No, no. You guys aren’t bothering me at all! If anything, this is a nice surprise.” Your words come out faster than you would’ve like, but you couldn’t help it when there was a group of good-looking boys in front of you, and it doesn’t help that you were an overall shy person.

“We heard that you were going to be the special MC and we wanted to say hello to our senior. We also brought you some flowers for you.” Chan hands over the flowers to you, and you timidly take it from his hands, thanking the members.

Honestly, you always thought it was weird when some groups called you their senior because in situations like this, all the members happened to be older you. Addressing them was always the hardest thing for you to do. Gaining enough courage, you tell them, “Ah, you guys don’t have to be so formal to me. I’d prefer it if you didn’t.” The 11 of you stand in your dressing room awkwardly looking around, not saying anything. Thinking that you should act like a senior to them, you say to them, “I know that you guys are going to do wonderful today. It may be intimidating competing with other senior groups, but if you guys focus on your performance, then you have nothing to worry about” Smiles pop up on their faces as they listen to your advice.

“Ah, thank you. We hope you enjoy our performance today,” Chan says to you. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I will.” With that the members bid you a goodbye, letting you do your final touchups before you are called to the stage.

When filming began, you were super nervous. Every time you did a filming, you would get nervous at the beginning, but towards the end you would loosen up a bit. You had quickly greeted ONEUS, the first group to perform, before you and Sungkyu walked up on the stage. As the two of you started off the recording, you explained that you were the special MC for the episode. Also explaining to the viewers how the show was going rank the performances and what the performance theme was for the episode. After that the cameras were cut as they showed the prerecording and you made your way off the stage to let Sungkyu introduce ONEUS.

Standing in front of the TV that showcased all the camera angles you watched ONEUS’ performance of Warrior’s Descent. Amazed by their performance, you tell them that they did a wonderful job as the get off the stage. One of the producers comes by and tells you to get ready soon to introduce TOO. As you mentally prepare yourself, you see the TOO boys get ready on the side of the stage. You shyly walk up to them, telling them that they’re going to great job, and before you can walk away, Chan catches your attention, the other members watching from behind, “Uh,” he bgins, scratching the back of his neck, “you’re going to do a good job out there as well.” You miss the chuckles the other nine members give him as you’re too busy focusing on the fact that your face is turning as red as his suit. Mumbling a soft thank you, you speedily walk away, a bit embarrassed by the interaction.

Going over your script again, you manage to catch Chan’s stare from his side of the stage, he gives you a sweet smile, which you return. Giving him a little thumbs up, you mouth the words, “Good luck.” A smile grows on his face, making his eye smiles appear, however, it disappears when the director yells for everyone to get ready, making the two of you focus on your jobs.

When the director yells action, a smile appears on your face as you introduce the rookie group. After introducing them, you walk off the stage to watch their performance. A gasp escaped your mouth when the members had dropped backwards onto each other’s laps and perfectly staying like that. You were really surprised when you realized they were performing Rising Sun by TVXQ. As the performance neared its end, you got back on the stage to make your closing remarks about them. After that was done, you saw the boys thanking the staff after their performance. They even went up to you to thank you. Complimenting them on their performance, you told them you enjoyed their performance and let them go on their way back to their dressing room.

Filming continued on like this, with you and Sungkyu switching on and off between introducing the different groups and you greeting them and watching their performances, and before you knew it, it was already time to announce the results. All seven groups had gathered by the stage, waiting for their results, but before you guys could announce them, you and Sungkyu had to interview some of the boys.

“Y/n?” Sungkyu calls your name, getting your attention, “You watched the performances, which group was the one that you liked the most?”

‘This isn’t on the script.’ Panic flashes in your eyes for half a second before you collect yourself. You can hear all the groups say their group names in attempt to be your answer, giggling when you see Jangjun from Golden Child waves his arms around. “Hmm, I think all the groups were wonderful today, but I do have to say that TOO was the best today.” For a group of rookies, you thought that their performance of Rising Sun was amazing. That they performed as if they’ve done it for years.

“Hm, is that so? Was there a particular member that caught your eye?” Sungkyu asked teasingly. Your face reddens from the question because there actually was a member that caught your eye, and throughout their performance, you couldn’t stop watching him, but you didn’t think that you’d have to admit it aloud. Looking off to the side where TOO were seated, you made eye contact with said member, but quickly turn away, embarrassed.

“Uh,” you timidly began, “there was actually. Chan-ssi’s stage presence really amazing. He dances very well.” Blushing, look down at the stage trying to avoid everyone’s stare on you. You sense Sungkyu turn towards the direction TOO were sitting. “Chan-ssi? Is there anything you want to say to Y/n?”

Looking up, you watch as Jaeyun hands the mic to Chan. There’s a hint of a blush on Chan’s face, but you assume that it’s from embarrassment. “Thank you for noticing me. I hope that as the show goes on, you’ll continue to support me and TOO.” Turning back towards the main camera, you miss the way Chihoon and Jisu teasingly mess with Chan. Continuing on with the actual script, you announce the rankings for the first round. You were happy to announce that TOO ranked fourth; for a newly debut group competing with senior groups, fourth place was pretty good.

After the recording ended, you and Sungkyu thanked the seven groups for their hard work. Getting off the stage, your initial thought was to get back to your dressing room quickly, but from the corner of your eye, you saw someone waving at you. It was Chan. Unmoving from your spot, you watch as he slowly approaches you, and before you knew it, he was standing there right in front of you. Not sure of what to say to him, you look down at your feet, still a bit embarrassed from admitting that he caught your attention in front of a bunch of people.

“Uh,” he starts, “I just wanted to say thank you again for picking my group and me.”

Looking up at him, you say to him, “Oh you don’t have to thank me. I meant everything I said, you guys were amazing.”

“Ah, thank you again.” Coughing could then be heard from behind Chan, you peek around Chan and see that the owners of said coughing were Kyunho and J.you. Missing the look Chan gives them that causes them to not so casually walk away, you bring your attention back to Chan.

“There was actually another reason why I came over to talk to you. This might be a bit bold for me to do, but I was wondering if I could get your number.” It takes you a second to process what he just said, “It’s fine if you don’t want to, I’d understand if you didn’t,” he adds.

“N-no, it’s fine. This was just a little bit unexpected is all, but yeah, I can give you my number.” The words tumble out of your mouth too quickly, and you’re unsure if Chan even understood you. However, when you hear him chuckle, and mumble what sounds to be, “Cute,” you can’t help but blush.

“Chan.” You hear Jaeyun call his name, motioning him to come over so that they can leave. Feeling rushed, you grab the pen that you made notes with on your script and scribble your number onto the palm of his hand. Gathering enough courage, you say to him, “I hope you’ll text me soon,” and before you could get a response from him, you rush back to your dressing room embarrassed.

“Jaeyun, I think I have a crush.” Chan admits to Jaeyun when he catches up to him. Jaeyun pats Chan on the shoulder, “Hmm, I wonder who it could be,” he says teasingly.

A/N: fun fact, when I was watching Road to Kingdom, I originally thought Chan was the leader. 

[angeloncewas]

i really like what you said about the dsmp! i think, logically i know the dsmp isnt dying, obviously. ranboo and foolish stream on it basically every day, others still stream on it very often, but like you said, the fact that there were only 2-3 people on when tommy streamed yesterday still says... something? i dunno. i joined the fandom at the tail end of december so i dont really know what experiencing the l'manburg era was like!

i know the server isnt dying lore-wise either of course too! quackity and karl(?) are working on their stuff pretty constantly, sam mentioned "big lore streams" in an alt tweet, ranboo has who knows how many big streams planned, dream has prerecorded lore still, etc. but to that same effect, yknow, wilbur comes back to life in this huge anticipated event, then he goes away irl for who knows how many weeks and tommy is gonna be very busy recording vlogs soon. same energy as how techno hasnt streamed on the smp since march (and probably wont :( cause... yknow), dream (one of my personal fav characters) has barely mentioned his lore nor appeared since march, egg lore has like, vanished, ranboo could do his next enderwalk saga stream 3 days or 3 months from now. tubbos another one of my favorites too and, well. we all know how he is 😭

dont get me wrong! i love the vlogs too, and dreams music and his other projects, and lovejoy is incredible, im just someone who's personally interested in dsmp lore stuff more than anything else about the ccs, and ill still support them in whatever they do, i know the server isnt dying, i was just hoping and wishing for more especially after wilburs revival, for one :') hopefully ill be pleasantly surprised though! maybe for now its just a waiting game for some "return to form" or for lore stuff to really get going.

Yeah, I totally get what you mean ! We'd feel it if it was truly becoming obsolete and there's plenty of plotlines only just getting started, so I don't doubt that it'll be here for a while. That being said, something about Tommy pressing tab and it being 2/34 of the server or something felt really jarring.

Technically, I missed the L'manberg era as well (I got to watch Wilbur blow it up live lol), but I've gone back and watched and... idk. People were around. There was an entire L'manbergian civil war. Tubbo and Tommy randomly fought the Dream Team. Everything was half-consequential because stuff just happened.

(Unrelated but we have similar favorites :o)

Now everything's so... purposeful. Precise. And good for them for honing their craft, but this vibrant world is now just an empty stage, waiting for its performers to come and go. No one just "hangs out" on the SMP because Quackity is doing this to Dream and Tommy has those issues with Techno and the community aspect has fallen by the wayside.

I get it. They're doing stuff. I'm hyped for it all + the Wilbur revival plotline gives me extra hope for what's to come, but like you said, it's a waiting game for now. I feel like it's been a waiting game for a while. We hear "lore kickoff soon," something happens, we anticipate the influx, and then nothing :')

[black-arcana]

After The The Aftermath – An Interview With Sharon Den Adel Of Within Temptation

Sharon Den Adel Talks About The Bands Recent Virtual Reality Show, New Album, Tours, And More

Dutch symphonic metal legends Within Temptation have been quite busy as of late. The band recently held an impressive virtual reality stream event, which was unlike anything we’ve seen before. Along with ‘The Aftermath – A Show In A Virtual Reality,’ the band has also released a brand new single, ‘Shed My Skin,” featuring German metalcore act, Annisokay. I caught up with frontwoman Sharon Den Adel, to talk about the recent stream, the new single, and what the band has planned in terms of a new album, and going on tour.

Thanks for speaking with me, Sharon. You’re coming off the release of your event, ‘The Aftermath, A Show In Virtual Reality’, which has been getting a lot of praise. How have you felt about the feedback you’ve been received?

A lot of fans seemed to have liked it. The technology is something new. It’s only the tip of the iceberg that we touched. And it looks a little bit like a game crossed with a music video. It being a show, it did not look as flashy as, say, some of our music videos. Which most people understood, but some didn’t. It’s a new technology after all .I was really happy to see that a lot of people did get the idea behind it, and how we made the show.

The show had to be postponed briefly, and during the filming, did you encounter many technical hurdles?

It was something that we were afraid of that might happen. That was also why the show was prerecorded because we didn’t want to have the show stopped halfway because the data might not have been managed. So that’s why we prerecorded it.

But we still had a lot of technical difficulties because we are pioneering here. After all, it’s a new program. Everybody does it in their own way, and it’s only been out recently. There’s only one other, a Dutch dance event, who did it the way we did as well. And because of so many multi-cameras and all this imagery that’s behind them to canalize the data, it’s a big process. And when something goes wrong, you have to start over again. So there are a lot of technical things that can go wrong, and it takes a lot of time to process.

Fans like to try and immerse themselves as much as they can into streamed content because live shows are something that we all missed, and we miss the feeling of being there. But how difficult is it as a performer to get some of those feelings when there’s no audience to feed off of, and you’re surrounded by green screens?

It’s difficult because you have to really imagine the audience there. But we did have the crew there trying to get me into that vibe, applauding and stuff like that. But it of course, it’s different. I also knew that I had to do it in a very short amount of time. We did it in one day, like the recordings of everyone and all band members.

So it was like, okay, you have one shot, and you better do it well, and immediately go into that vibe as if you are on stage. So you really have to use your imagination a little bit. But I was really happy that people would be watching this, and keeping that in mind is what got me through it.

Something the band is notorious for is performing with these elaborate stage setups, beautiful wardrobes, and stunning visuals. How important was the storytelling aspect of the show, and who came up with the idea of the post-apocalyptic theme?

Robert was really working on that, and I worked with it as well. We’ve seen so many doomsday kind of films over the years. These big, epic movies and stuff. So that was the inspiration, especially coming from a pandemic and talking about where is the world going, and how we living in it.

There was the inspiration from that. It’s something that’s an ongoing process. We also have the Silent Force album; we were inspired very much by that theme, especially because a lot of things were happening in the world at that time as well, as it is now.

How did you go about choosing a setlist for this show? Of course, there was new material, but did you select songs on storytelling aspects to match the overall apocalyptic theme?

Yes, that’s the case because we felt like if you’re telling a story, you need to find the right songs to back it up and give that atmosphere. It also helped that we’ve also had a lot of songs in the past touching this theme. I think it’s also nice for the ones who bought a tickets to see some older songs. Songs that we haven’t played for a long time, like for instance, ‘Forsaken’, which is really an old and golden song from the Silent Force album.

Fans were greeted with many surprises and big moments, but personally for you, what was your favorite moment from the show? And what song did you enjoy playing the most?

The song that registers for me is ‘Shed My Skin”. For the vocal nerd that I am, it’s nice to go from really high to really low. And it’s a real challenge for a singer. So I was really happy to put that song in the setlist.

And very well done too! It was great to see Tarja again; what was it like working with her and getting her to make an appearance for the event?

We always keep in contact with each other, and it’s always an easy connection to make with each other. And we’ve always worked really well with each other, and it’s always fun to work with her. She’s somebody who goes really for the music and is passionate about it. It’s really nice working with her, always.

I’ve always had contact with her throughout the year, and it’s always great, but this time it was not face-to-face. We had a camera crew go to Spain so she could be recorded there. She was very busy with a lot of other stuff as well. So that was the best way to record her live.

Speaking of collaborations, your most recent single, which we’ve talked about, ‘Shed My Skin,’ has a bit of a metalcore twist, and you appropriately collaborated with metalcore act, Annisokay for the song. How did the collaboration come about? And did you specifically write this song for the collaboration?

It’s more that we are always interested in bands who are new and who bring a new sound to the scene. This was a sound we’ve never noticed before. Not for Annisokay, but the metalcore scene was just something that we didn’t listen to much. So for us, it was kind of a new sound with a new vibe, and one of the bands that we like was Annisokay.

And we felt like, okay, let’s approach them and see if they are interested in doing a song with us. And we had already written it. Everything was finished, but they were able to do their own interpretation, but they stayed close to what we had written. It was really fun to work with them.

They are very talented guys, they are very melodic with their music and that’s something that we always like as well. Because we wanted to bring something heavy with the guitars and everything in the music, but we also wanted to bring out a lot of melodies, and that’s something that they do with metalcore.

So we wrote the music and thought it would be cool to approach a band that comes from that scene. And they were our favorites, so we called them and they were really cool and very down to earth and easy people to work with. So yeah, I was happy to meet them and work with them.

Do you enjoy working with other styles of metal and sub-genres, and do you think you’ll do more in the future?

We’ve always done that throughout the years. I think we’re a typical kind of band who likes orchestras and epic kinds of sounds. Throughout our career, we have worked with so many different people. Mina Caputo of Life of Agony, Papa Roach, and some Polish artists. It’s not always people that everybody knows. Sometimes it’s a singer-songwriter, sometimes it’s from totally different kinds of genres that people would not expect from us. But it’s just that some people you really admire or a style that you think is so beautiful that you want to integrate it into your own music. And we’ve always done that in our own way.

Do you plan on releasing any more new music this year, and when can we expect a new album?

We are planning to do maybe one more song this year if things turn out the way we want them to. And, hopefully, at the end of next year, we have a new album out, so we’re working hard trying to manage everything that we have in mind and trying to release new singles every few months. That’s a new idea that we want to try, releasing a new song every three or four months. And so far, we have managed to do that. We’ll see if we can keep it up. You also need to have the right inspiration, of course, to write new stuff.

Are there any shows that you’ll be playing during the festival season?

We’re going to Finland next week, so I’m looking forward to that stuff first, and it’s the only summer festival this year, unfortunately. We also have one in October, which is in the Netherlands, which is also a big festival. I’m looking forward to that as well. But I’m wondering if it will be able to take place because a lot of festivals in the Netherlands have been canceled because of COVID again, unfortunately.

Otherwise, it’s just the shows that we have with Evanescence on the ‘When Worlds Collide” tour, which starts in March and in April. We also have some Russian shows in February, but we have to see how this pandemic is going to go, and where it’s gonna go.

I was just about to bring up the ‘When Worlds Collide’ tour with Evanescence. Do you think that any time in the future we might see a North American tour as well?

I hope so. I think that it’s something that’s on our list, but we don’t know when we’re going to go, because we did have some things cooking, but then the whole pandemic started. We still have to catch up with all these tours that are planed. All the tours and the festivals that we have planed are going to continue and hopefully, after that will be, we will come your way.

We would love to have you guys here. We’re really excited for the upcoming single and the ‘When Wolrds Collide tour,” Which I think is going to happen because everything is opening back up. I just shot my first huge festival here. I travel all over, and there are festivals opening up all over here. So I think that we will be the world stage in seeing how things go in terms of these big festivals if they continue or get postponed due to COVID.

Yeah, I totally understand. And I would love to come to America again, it’s been a while!

We can’t wait to have you guys here, and thank you for speaking with me, Sharon, do you have anything else that you would like to add or say to the fans?

More Within Temptation

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[clanwarrior-tumbly]

I got stoic for the word generator. So uhhh... HIBIKI I CHOOSE YOU :D (maybe a stoic reader for a change 👀)

Awh Hibiki is one of my favs so thank you!!! 💖

.............

“How did you like our performance, [y/n]-chan??” Hibiki grinned as she jumped off the stage, running to you with her sister in tow.

She had stars in her eyes, eager to see your reaction. “Were you mindblown?? Amazed?? Inspired?? Be honest!”

“...it was good.”

Immediately her smile faltered at your apathetic response. “Ehhhh? That’s it?! Jeez you really are a blank slate! At least act like you loved it!” She huffed in annoyance.

“It's okay, Big Sis," Kanade tried to reassure her. “Remember, people have different ways of showing their appreciation, even if they don't outright express it.”

“She’s right,” you agreed. “Don’t worry, Hibiki. I really did like your music. I mean it.”

Clearly the vocalist wasn’t satisfied with your reaction. Not one bit. She hoped you would at least smile a little bit, but that seemed impossible given how emotionless you were all the time.

You reminded her of Shobai and Mikado, and she didn't like that at all.

"Fine..but one day I WILL make you smile with my music!" She declared with a smug grin. "I won't stop till I see it! C'mon, Kanade. We're on a mission now."

"Oh? What idea do you have in mind-?"

"Are you questioning me!?"

"A-Ah! I'm sorry! I'll..I'll go with you!"

As the twins left, you just stood there and sighed, shaking your head with slight amusement at their antics.

Hibiki seemed more determined than ever to get a smile out of you--a lot more than the rest of your classmates.

You’d like to see her try, though.

.........

“[Y/n]-chan!”

As you packed up your things and got ready to head out, you glanced over to see Hibiki rush over to you.

"Huh?" Noticing that she shoved a of CD case into your hands, you tilted your head. "What's this? A song you burned onto a CD?"

"W-Well duh. Kanade and I..p-prerecorded it. This is a new sweet love song and I want you to be the first listener. Just give us feedback, that's all."

You looked up at her, noticing the blush forming on her cheeks. "You mean now or-?"

“Yes now! I’m not waiting till Christmas!” Grabbing your hand, she tugged you out of the classroom and to the computer lab.

You were surprised that Kanade was nowhere in sight, though you didn’t bother to question that.

Rather, you're questioning why she was being so demanding to you.

Didn't she only act this way towards her sister?

Once you reached the lab, Hibiki let your hand go and rushed to grab headphones, while you sat at one of the computers. “There’s no vid, but I wanna see your reaction right here and now!” She huffed.

“Okay.” You took the headphones from her and put them on, while she inserted the disc into the computer.

As soon as you located the music file, you clicked it and sat back in the chair, listening to the song. You still wondered why she's being so insistent on you doing this.

Surely, as a top music artist, she wouldn’t need any kind of feedback, right?

But as the song began playing, and you heard Hibiki’s melodious voice singing the lyrics--you could feel heat rising to your cheeks.

‘It’s just a love song that anyone can listen to,’ you tried telling yourself. ‘She can’t actually be talking about....’

Yet despite your efforts, that thought drifted off as you felt your heart racing.

Her voice sounded so...soft and sweet--unlike her usual energetic tone when performing live--and the lyrics seemed to be speaking directly to you.

If this was a "sweet love song", does that mean this is.....?

Hibiki watched your expression carefully, grinning as she began to see the corners of your lips twitch into the tiniest of smiles. She mentally praised herself for her success, quickly snapping a picture of you.

As you took off the headphones, since the song ended, she quickly pretended to be playing on her phone before looking up. "Awh! You liked it~!"

"I..I did, but......w-were those lyrics actually...?”

“You don’t have to feel the same way but...I got you to smile and I’m satisfied~!!” Her triumphant grin widened, though she tensed when you took her hand. “Wh-Wha..?”

“Oh Hibiki, I...always knew you were a sweetheart deep down.” You chuckled lightly. “I take this as your confession, so I accept it. But..is Kanade-?”

“Hmph, d-don’t worry about her.” She huffed despite her blush returning. “Unless you’re saying you like her more.”

“O-Oh no. I just.....uh-”

“Hehe~ Just kidding~! We both made the song for you. She feels the same for you, but I wanted to confess first, sooooo if you want...we can have you all to ourselves~!”

You were silent for a few moments, though you eventually shrugged, deciding to take a chance. “Sure. I wouldn’t dream of separating you two.”

Yep, it seems these musical gals have finally achieved their goal.

[queenjunoking]

Wolf Taming Pt. 5

CW: Noncon - Shock Collar - Pain - Petplay - drugs - Kidnapping - Manipulation

I woke up early the next day so I could start preparing for the day ahead. I went through my normal routine, though my heart wasn’t in anything I was doing. I kept my eye on the camera for any signs she might be stirring. I wasn’t too worried though, she had a very rough time so far and her body needed rest.

I triple checked my plans for the day. I needed to keep my confidence up. I knew what my plans were and what my plans were if those plans got derailed. Today was extremely important. She suffered through sleep deprivation over her first night and most of the day yesterday. But today she was going to learn what her life here was really going to be like and come face to face with her future. I was willing to offer nothing but rewards and praise if she accepted it. 

I was also looking forward to what I was going to do to her when she didn’t.

I went into the wolf’s den at 8. I had to be in there before she woke up, but she was so sleep deprived I knew it could wait. I needed her to wake up when I arrived, disoriented. I also didn’t want to give her the chance to deny she had enjoyed my gifts. She knew there was a speaker I talked to her through, but for all she knew it was prerecorded audio. She may suspect I had cameras in here but I wasn’t going to tip my hand and say there were.

“Good morning Sasha!” I flipped on all the lights at once and announced my presence.

She bolted to her feet in surprise. She wobbled a bit, she was still exhausted. Her head shot side to side to see the room. Then her shoulders slumped down. I could only assume she had hoped that everything had just been a dream and maybe it was over. In a way it was a dream. It was just my dream, not hers. 

“I see you enjoyed my gifts.” I motioned to the pillow, empty water bottle and the candy bar wrapper. “I see you still haven’t touched your kibble yet. You need to eat something that isn’t candy. I also see you haven’t used the litter box. The only other options available to you are diapers or puppy pads. I’m fine with whatever option you want but do know if you go on the floor again you will be punished.

“You’ve had your fun. Please, just let me go home. I promise I won’t tell anyone.” She spoke quietly. She was trying to keep herself from cracking and crying in front of me, not knowing how much I enjoyed listening to them last night.

“Oops. I’m sorry Sasha. That was my fault so I won’t punish you for that, but you should know that you shouldn’t be talking without permission. Talking is for people.” I sounded as cheery as I could as I set the shock collar to go off again if she talked.

“So today is the real first day here. You’ve been here for a day and a niht sure, but you’re going to be learning some stuff. You’re the new animal in the hou -” I tried to start my introduction but I was interrupted.

“I’m not an ani-” she convulsed a bit as she tried to speak. She tried to reach for her neck but stopped herself before she pulled at her collar. It was important for me to get through what I had to say so I turned it up higher than it was before.

“Ok. I see you’re still not understanding some things. I’m going to explain them to you, but first I think I will tell you your punishments and rewards. You get 5 strikes a day. You will get a strike every time you act out in a way that you shouldn’t but I don’t feel justified a shock. After 5 strikes you will earn a special punishment of my choosing. If you are good at the end of each day I will allow you to ask me any question you desire and I promise I will answer it honestly. Shake your head up and down if you understand.” She narrowed her eyes at me, but nodded her head.

“Ok, good girl Sasha. So, as I was saying, you are the new animal in the house. Like all animals you will need some training. Depending on how it goes you might get to leave your cage more often. You’ll be spending the next few days learning some new things and how your new life will work. I love you very much Sasha and I want you to have a wonderful life here, but you need to learn first or else how can I trust you?” It was important to play it like she was the one causing the problems. It didn’t matter that I took her and brought her here. She was the one causing problems and needed to change.

Her face went bright red and she began breath heavily. It was like watching a dog pant. She looked stunning like this. I was poking a wild animal, if these bars weren’t between us I had no doubt she would have torn me in half. But that’s why it was fun.

“I can see you really have something you want to say. You at least understand you can’t talk right now. But we can find a middle ground. Would you like to be allowed to talk?” It was a leading question. She knew there was a catch to it. But being silenced was killing her. She nodded slowly, never taking her eyes off me.

“If you want to learn how to talk then you need to kneel on the floor first and we can start.” She crossed her arms adamantly, apparently this was a line she didn’t want to cross right now. I sighed and activated the subservient mode and walked towards the cage. Every step closer the collar would increase the pain as long as she stood higher than I did. I stood next to the cage as she was gripping the bars with all of her might while trying to stay up.

“Ple… ple...ase sto-op.” She figured out the obvious, two shocks couldn’t happen at once so she couldn’t be directly harmed for talking.

“Then kneel Sasha and it’ll stop hurting.” I snapped at her like she was being a fussy child. “You’re just doing this to yourself. You can stop hurting yourself at any point. This is all your choice.” I crossed my arms and stared at her while she tried her best to glare at me. Eventually it became too much for her body to handle and it gave out and she collapsed to the floor.

I was impressed she managed to stay up long enough for her body to give out, but I was annoyed that it was cutting into my fun time. I watched her twitch as the muscles in her body still spasmed from the assault she had undergone. I left her collapsed in her cage and went to get something to drink and reset my temper. I wanted to have my performing wolf and if I decided to continue all I would get is a meek dog covered in battle scars. I left the room in a huff and slammed the door behind me. I needed to give her time to recover unfortunately. But I had all weekend to play with her and despite whatever lingering hope was bouncing around that head of hers.

There was no escape from me.

[nct-perrie]

The Choice - Part 1 The News

Summary: Perrie gets devastating news about her mother and grandmother. When she goes back to France, Perrie finally has time to think about what she wants in the future. Will it be to leave SM and stay home or will she go back?

Warnings: Mention of family death, mention of domestic and verbal abuse, negative thoughts, insecurities, personality disorder, implied eating disorder, implied depression, and anxiety. 

MCountdown studio, NCT 127 dressing room, March 3rd, 2018, 7:37am

Perrie was sat in the makeup chair, her stylist re-applying eyeliner to her eyes. Perrie figured it wasn’t easy for her stylist considering the fact that her head kept swaying side to side as a result of her tiredness from earlier rehearsals. On her sides, she could hear some laugher from her members and some snoring from others. 

They had to go on stage in about two and half hours but they had just finished pre-rehearsal and after that, exhaustion had hit Perrie at full force. However, she pushed through it in order to re-watch the rehearsal.

While many idols rewatched their performances, Perrie did it almost obsessively. Not because she thought she was good but because she needed to do better. Anytime she watched herself all she could see were her mistakes and where she could do better. To her, her expressions weren’t good enough, her moves weren’t smooth enough, her voice sounded odd, and many other things. All of these things ended up frustrating Perrie to no end. 

Being in NCT was a dream to Perrie, especially in the beginning. But, she didn’t realize just how hard people would come after her in every aspect of her life. Whether it was about her performance or just her regular off stage self. People just found anything to criticize. These thoughts kept her up all night, her mind running non-stop on what she could do to improve. It wasn’t the healthiest, Perrie knew that in the back of her mind, but she didn’t care. 

Even with these feelings, Perrie kept them to herself. She didn’t want to bother the people around her with her insecurities, no matter how bad they got. In her mind, they were her problem and she shouldn’t burden those around her with her problems. This mindset was drilled into her by a young age without her fully realizing it. 

However, despite her thinking this, she tends to forget just how well her members knew her. They knew it wasn’t easy being the only female in a male-dominated group and that people watched her every move just to point something negative out. It was like that with every idol, but seemed to be even worse for her. They also knew that it was affecting her more than she was letting on. She barely slept, had to be reminded to eat and sometimes the members had to watch her eat just to make sure she wasn’t lying and was actually consuming the food. Other times, she would spend hours in the studio, dancing herself ragged until someone - usually Johnny or Yuta - would have to drag her home. 

They would try to talk to her about it, but Perrie would either get very defensive or she would just brush it off and say she was fine. Other times, if they kept pushing, she would get overwhelmed and it would lead to her completely shutting down or going into a full blown panic attack. Therefore, they tried to help her as much as possible without being obvious. 

Now as Perrie was watching the rehearsal for the fourth time - or was it the fifth, Perrie had lost count - she was able to point out another mistake. She didn’t stop watching, until the phone was ripped out of her hands. 

“Yah, what are you doing?” Perrie turned her head around to face the culprit who was none other than Doyoung. 

“Yah? Is that the way to talk to someone who saved you your favorite sandwich?” Doyoung did in fact, in his hands, have a ham and cheese sandwich that he was holding out to her. 

Even with the food in front of her, she held her gaze on him. Her eyes glaring holes into his. Doyoung however, didn’t let up and basically forced the sandwich into her hands. 

“I’m not - “ Perrie started to speaking but Doyoung beat her to it. 

“Not hungry? You haven’t eaten at all today and barely ate anything yesterday.”

Doyoung noticed Perrie was about to interrupt him and quickly start to talk again. 

“You look lethargic okay. You need to eat something and before you say that you shouldn’t eat before going on stage. We still have two hours for it to settle - which it will. So eat.” 

Doyoung wasn’t lying either when he said she looked lethargic. Even with the makeup on, she still looked unnaturally pale, her eye bags still stood out, and she just looked completely exhausted. 

Perrie let out a sigh and glanced down at the food in her hand. Despite wanting to keep insisting she wasn’t hungry, her stomach made it very obvious once it let out a growl loud enough for both of them to hear. This lead to Doyoung raising an eyebrow and motion towards to sandwich. 

Perrie finally relented and started to unwrap the sandwich. She was thinking of eating a few bites and then throwing out the rest but Doyoung had pulled up a chair next to her and sat down, refusing to move until she finished it. 

Honestly speaking, Perrie understood why they did this, but it still pissed her off because it made her feel like a child who couldn’t take care of herself. If she didn’t want to eat the whole thing, she shouldn’t have to. That was what she thought. 

But with him right by her side, she slowly ate the whole thing piece by piece. Once she finished, Doyoung took the wrapped and patted her head. He then left and Perrie let her face drop. Even with that small sandwich, her stomach already started to act weird and she was starting to feel nauseous. Part of her just wanted to throw up because she knew that feeling would go away then but she decided just to sit there and hope that the feeling passes before she has to go on stage. 

It took about an hour of her just sitting there, for her queasiness to go away for the most part. By then, she had about another hour or so before heading to the stage. 

Perrie had moved to one of the couches in the waiting room and was going through her phone, which she had to basically beg Doyoung for it back and the only reason he gave it back was if she promised not to watch the pre-rehearsal again. So instead, she was going through social media. Usually she would play games with Haechan and Jungwoo but right now she just did not feel the need to interact with anyone - even her closest friends. 

While scrolling through her phone, their manager had entered the room with a somber expression on his face. He headed towards Perrie and asked for her to follow him. This was a bit odd because usually he spoke to all the members at once, but it wasn’t a huge difference that had the members noticing something was really wrong.

 Her manager had led her out to a private section in the hallway. She didn’t think much of it at first until she caught the solemn expression on his face. His eyes held a mixture of grief and pity. 

“Perrie, your grandfather called,” Was how he began and Perrie immediately became worried thinking something happened to him. 

“What? Why? Is he okay?”

Her manager just shook his head. 

“Your grandfather is fine, he called me to inform you about your mother and grandmother.” 

There was an instant dread that filled her. She knew her grandmother was battling cancer so her first thought was that something serious had happened. This was correct, but for the wrong reasons. 

Her manager continued. “There was an accident. Your grandmother didn’t make it and your mother,” he had to clear his throat. “your mother is in bad condition at the hospital. From what your grandfather told me, they aren’t sure she is going to last long.” 

Perrie remained silent. In a way, she heard what he said, but she couldn’t process it. It felt like it flowed into one ear than out the other. She could physically see her manager looking at her waiting for her to say something, but she couldn’t formulate an answer. 

Instead of focusing on her emotions, she pushed the more negative ones in the back so that she could at least try and get some words out. 

“Did.. did my grandfather say anything else?” Her words came out monotoned and Perrie felt like she was in a daze. 

Her manager nodded. “He said he’s looking for a ticket back to France for the two of you...” Her manager had stopped talking but Perrie could tell there was something lingering on the tip of his tongue. 

“but?” Perrie questioned. 

“You’re performance is in less than an hour -” 

Her manager kept a firm look on her face in order to catch any changes but there were none. 

“ - There isn’t any time to fix everything. We have to be one stage in about 35 minutes and we cannot change the choreography or give your parts to someone else. At least not without prerecording backup vocals.” 

Perrie knew she should be pissed that they were forcing her to perform but honestly, she didn’t really feel anything at that moment. In the end, all she did was nod. 

“After the performance, we can get you a ride to your grandfather and figure out what your schedule will be afterwards. But, just get through this next half an hour, okay?” 

Again, Perrie just nodded.

Her manager seemed to since she wanted to be alone so he rested a hand on her shoulder and then went to pass. Before he left, Perrie reached out for him. 

“Don’t tell the others. At least not now.”

In all honesty, Perrie knew she should lean on those who would support her. But all she can think about is the pity and the looks she would receive and that was the last thing she wanted to deal with. Getting those looks and words of comfort would make it feel real to Perrie and she didn’t want to feel those things - at least not yet. 

The next 30 minutes, Perrie didn’t even realize they passed. The whole time all she did was stand in the hallways and then the next moment she was being ushered to the stage where she was getting her mic pack put on. The stylist was also going around and touching up everyone’s makeup. 

“Are you okay? Your eyes are a bit red?” Her stylist was the one to bring her attention back to the present. 

Perrie just let out a hum and then turned and looked at the small mirror the stylist was holding up. Her eyes were in fact red and Perrie didn’t realize that this entire time she was holding back tears until she saw them gloss up. 

However, instead of crying, she forced these feelings down and just walked away. It wasn’t a nice thing to do but she wasn’t thinking about that, all she was thinking about was getting through these next few minutes and then going to her grandfather. More than anything, he was the only one Perrie wanted to be around right now. 

After the countdown to the performance ended, Perrie was the first one off the stage. She didn’t stop to talk to the other members like she usually did. All she did was head straight to her manager so that she could get away from this place and go to where she was actually needed. 

The whole time she was on stage, she was wishing she was anywhere else. Even though no one except a few of people knew about what happened, she felt like all the eyes on her were filled with pity. 

Before she could get to her manager a staff member stopped her. If she was thinking straight, she would have realized that he was just stopping her in order to get her mic and mic pack but during that moment all Perrie could see was someone in her way and someone who was stopping her from being where she needed to be. 

Perrie didn’t mean to snap at the person nor did she mean to basically toss the mic headset at the poor guy, but like previously stated, she did not care about any of this and she wasn’t thinking straight. She didn’t even hear Johnny call for her or his apology on her behalf to the staff member. 

Before anyone else could stop her or try and talk to her, she managed to make it away from where the majority of everyone was. She found her manager and instead of him saying anything to her, he just motioned for her to follow him. Perrie realized that the path he was leading her down was to the outside and where all the cars were parked.

On the way down there, when they were finally alone, he had told her that they managed to get a flight booked to France that leaves in about 2 hours. She was going to meet her grandfather at the airport and then they would both leave from there. He made sure to try and keep it as low key as possible to lessen the chance of people spotting them and bombarding them at the airport but they both knew that these precautions will most likely fly out the window once people knew that Perrie was at the airport. 

The next hour to the airport was completely silent. Perrie didn’t do anything except look outside the window. About five minutes into the car ride, her phone started going off and instead of looking at whoever was messaging her, she just shut it off. 

When she got to the airport it was relatively quiet. She was given a cap and a mask but they are not a fool proof plan to prevent people from recognizing her. Eventually one person noticed her, then one turned into two, two into three, and so on. In less than 20 minutes, it was on the internet that she was at the airport. By the time the airport started getting crowded, she managed to find her grandfather which was a good thing because he was the only one who was able to prevent her from saying some rude things to the people around them. 

Time wasn’t something that was apparent to Perrie, everything seemed to have stopped the second she got the message earlier this morning. The next thing she knew was that her grandfather was ushering her into the seat next to him on the plane and he had sat down next to her.