#people are just too fucking dumb to be inhabiting this planet

[miasanmuller]

Thrilled to learn who'll be the next little fascist my country will elect in 2 years thanks to USA choice of electing their own fascist, which empowers far-right bigots everywhere in the west world. Thanks USA!!!!!!

[pollenallergie]

how does it feel to be so completely correct??? to know older!tom so astoundingly well??? to be such a creative genius????? genuinely, i can’t imagine a more perfect answer to this!!

he is absolutely a lego adult and he has absolutely forced his mates to go on at least one trip with him to Windsor simply so he could go to LegoLand. the rides are sort of dumb, the kind that are clearly geared towards little kids and aren’t at all thrilling, but Tom doesn’t care, he’s not there for the rides. no, he’s there for the lego inspiration (and to purchase some exclusive lego sets that you simply can’t get in any of the shops near him). tom sees that LegoLand has a mini version of the London Eye made almost entirely out of lego bricks, that actually rotates like the real London Eye??? guess who just got inspired to start a new, overly complicated project when he gets home?! oh there’s a lego double decker bus that actually drives round Miniland? there’s another overly complicated thing for Tom to try to recreate when he gets home.

you’re right, he genuinely thinks he’s daft, wholey a bumbling idiot, but then he also just spontaneously engineers a whole ‘working’ replicas of like modern feats of engineering like it’s nothing at all. like once he built a whole functioning model of Hibernia, one of the largest oil rigs in the world, like the machinery starts operating with a mere click of a button, as if it were really an oil rig drilling for oil in the middle of the ocean somewhere. what inspired such a build??? he saw an oil spill on the news and, like the bizarre man that he is, was like ‘wow those oil rigs are really impressive… horrible for the planet, but impressive. what if someone made an oil rig that just… didn’t drill for oil?? all the same cool shit going on, but no actual harvesting of oil or ruining of the planet’ and then he did just that.

you’re constantly reassuring him that he’s actually kind of a fucking genius. like, yeah, he’s silly and common sense certainly isn’t his strong suit sometimes, but he’s fucking brilliant.

also… yeah you two can’t work on the same lego set together; he’s too particular about everything and too snippy and you’re too blissfully ignorant about the ‘art of lego engineering’ and too nonchalant about the whole ordeal… so he often buys you easier lego sets so that you can participate in his hobby without actually messing him up. while he’s building a perfectly-to-scale replica of the Burj Khalifa, you’re working on your bonsai tree set. he builds much of the infrastructure of his lego town whilst you make sure it looks pretty (building trees and parks and cute lil homes and all the little people that inhabit the town).

… also that bit about him creating a perfect recreation of your first date out of lego bricks… i’m not crying, you are!! 🥹🥹🥹 (okay, fine, so i am crying 😭💖).

and absolutely 100% yes, fucking yes!!! to the record collection!!! (yet another thing he’s overly particular about). i have nothing to add to that but except that, yeah, it’s accurate.

for your consideration,

he also nerds out about rugby… the man is a massive rugby fan. he’s never been all that into football (not american football, but football), mainly because it’s simply not violent enough for his tastes… he doesn’t enjoy watching sport unless there’s an absolute guarantee that someone will get their shit fucked up. so, he loves rugby. it’s the perfect combination of all the appeal of things like soccer or basketball, mixed with just pure aggression. and the fans?? super passionate about the sport but also typically not total dickheads like footie fans (no offense), so being in the stands at a rugby match is way more fun than at a footie match. rugby is really aggressive and has a greater tolerance for violence, so, with that, comes better sportsmanship amongst the teams (which is necessary to avoid serious injuries), which then encourages greater sportsmanship amongst the fans (usually). tom loves the atmosphere of a rugby match almost as much as he loves the sport itself.

also Jago is a daft little fool who has absolutely ingested some of Tom’s lego bricks before… resulting in Tom having to make him vom them out (a thing that both him and Tom loathe equally as much).

also, like many men who grew up in tourist spots in Cornwall, he’s a massive nerd about surfing as well. he watches surfing competitions on the telly (which you find to be insufferably boring 90% of the time, and interesting the 10% of the time when the surfers actually do something that looks cool). he’s also insufferable in the summer… constantly dragging you along to the beach when the waves are just right (which is, unfortunately, usually super early in the morning) so that you can take pictures and videos of him whilst he surfs. every time he comes back in after doing a super cool trick, he’s like an energetic lil puppy, all like “love, did you get that?!?! it was super fucking sick, did you get it on camera???” and if the answer is no, that you failed to get it on camera, he will go back out into the waves and try to recreate the trick until 1) he gets it just right and 2) you get it on camera. does he ever post any of these surfing pictures and videos anywhere? no, no he doesn’t. he just shows them to his mates, most of whom are also massive nerds about surfing.

… tom also regularly stops you in the middle of what you’re doing to show you a cool clip from an “epic surfing compilation” youtube video on his phone. he’s like “babe, that’s fookin incredible, innit?” and you’re like “yeahhh *is lying* *does not actually care* *only pretends to care about surfing because you love tom and tom loves surfing*”

what do we think older!tom grant nerds out about? everyone nerds out about something. most people nerd out about quite a few things. so what is/are his thing(s)? what does he nerd out about?

[rawmeknockout]

how would Roddy and Whirl himself react if the human theyre interested in secretly abandoned ship at the last inhabited planet bc of something whirl said? was a joke ofc bc it’s whirl but being the only human on board who feels increasingly more useless and insignificant by the day kinda takes a toll..? i mean the ship would prob be better off without some “Weird Tiny Thing™️” to look out for all the time right? ((we all know whirl equates affection with being a lil fuck what did we expect)) bls

Rodimus

Oh, he's freaking out. How could he let this happen? He's the captain. Co-Captain. He's supposed to keep an eye on everything that goes in and out of the ship. He should have noticed that you were gone! You're like one of his favorite people! When the crew finally tracks you down after you lead them on an unintentional goose chase, Rodimus isn't just mad at Whirl but also at himself. He didn't think you would take stupid Whirl joke so hard. Maybe of he spent more time building you up, you wouldn't believe any dumb thing Whirl says. He holds a grudge against Whirl for a while after this. At least this is one instance where he doesn't have to fight Megatron or Ultra Magnus about going chasing after you by any means necessary. Magnus is more than willing to look the other way in regards to a report on the incident, provided Rodimus gets you back safe promptly.

Whirl

He's torn. One on hand, he wants to feel like you're too soft. You're obviously too soft. But he wouldn't say something he thought would break your little squishy spark. He runs himself in emotional circles so long he just gets frustrated and starts destroying his habsuite. He shouldn't give a frag! You're just a stupid little human official on a stupid little human mission to make it seem like Earth is actually proactive at anything. And yet Whirl can't believe he actually went so far in hurting you. Once again it's another thing he's fucked up! It takes a few days for him to stop beating himself up in order to make things right. That doesn't mean he's stopped being down on himself, it just means he's apologizing while beating himself mentally. It's an actual meaningful apology! He doesn't admit his warmer feelings for you, not yet, not when you just got back and are still dealing with... well, all he's already done to your self esteem. Whirl doesn't want to pile on. He just makes it clear how much he appreciates you.

[moderatelysociallymaladjusted]

I am literally sitting here suddenly consumed by a star trek trollhunters crossover. Because look. Let's just. Everyone in the trollhunter team and their general loved ones are immortal. Okay. Okay. Magic and science are great. Everyone is alive. Because I said so.

Now look. If you think. That with the whole being on good terms with (Steve and Eli being married to Queen Aja) akiridian 5 doesn't contribute to the birth of starfleet and the federation. You are wrong. Because it does. It changes first contact sure. But it's fine. We can roll with this. Everyone is involved. Honestly. I'd like to think the bean team is directly involved in the creation of starfleet. Krel and Claire becoming buddies is where the conception of the transporters comes from. They're both good with portals and wormholes. Barbara was the one training the first roll out of chief medical officers. Strickler teaches earth history at starfleet. When Barbara ends up deciding she wanted to go off world and actually be on a star ship he supports his wife and sometimes he takes a leave of absence to go be with her on the ship she's on. Toby is doing something with rocks cause look he would be the utmost excited to study space rocks from other planets and stuff. Jim was directly responsible for the replicators. Though he still holds that his own actual cooking is better but the replicators wouldn't be half as good as they are if not for him. He probably still cooks somewhere. Be it starfleet or on ship where he gets special privileges and has his own kitchen. I'm not sure what Claire's doing honestly. I said her and Krel create transporters. But aside from that. I'm sure zoe is doing some tech shit. Look really if magic is like. Known and abundant as far as that all the people with magic proper (Douxie, Claire, Zoe) are like. Teaching or using magic for different things.

Darci is absolutely still alive. And Mary too cause like. I can. I feel like Mary would be some kind of communications officer. Not sure for Darci. Nomura probably runs a museum be it on campus or even off. But she's big into history and artifacts too. That or she's part of a crew where she can explore ruins and shit of like other planets. Learn the cultures and especially if those planets are no longer inhabited. Recording and trying to keep the history alive. Museum knife mom okay. A lot of trolls stay underground but also. Space is dark. Aside from being planet side. For the most part. If they could find a method so trolls don't have to stay near a heartstone. They'd get a kick out of space.

The first time Jim does some kind of lecture or something at starfleet and Jim Kirk is in the class, there's this clown to clown communication going on. Like. They don't even realize it but it's there. Two Jim's. Both reckless as all hell. Neither one believes in a no win scenario. They'd both put themselves on the line for others. They're leaders. Jim Kirk isn't even aware he looks up to Jim Lake but he does. It's the pure of heart dumb of ass solidarity. Bones didn't want to be in space but he still joined starfleet and when he got to have a lecture taught by Barbara he nearly died. Barbara is the best and he openly looks up to her. Despite her bedside manner being better than his. He still thinks shes amazing. He's not sure about her husband though.

All I'm saying guys. Is trollhunters. In. Space. And yall im a star trek fan. Grew up watching with my mom but I was little and I don't remember like. Everything and I'm not super caught up on all the lore. Right now I'm working on what I know of tos and aos. But guys. Look. If anyone has stuff they want to add. Headcanons. Things for the other series. (cause team bean is gonna fucking live long and hella prosper okay) Douxie was nearly 1000 years old in the series if these guys can't make it several hundred years to be able to be around for multiple star trek series. Then. Something is wrong. Nah son. They out on space living their best lives. And again. I'm partial but I am sort of clinging to the aos timeline but you know.

[diary20216969]

why>?

-because i have crippling gender dysphoria and even the thought of doing something so womanly makes me want to puke and then cut my ovaries out with a fork

-because i dont want stretch marks

-cause i dont want my vagina ass and clit ripped apart and then sewed back

-i dont want baby fat

-i dont wanna give life to something that may end up getting borderline personalty, depression, schizophrenia, polycistic ovarian syndrome, anxiety or substance addiction.

-cause life sucks and not putting someone through this current reality is a gesture of kindness

-cause my body is mine and i dont want anything inhabbiting it

-cause i hate commiting to anything

-cause i dont owe it to anyone

-cause breastfeeding disgusts me to the core

-cause i love y skinny body and flat tummy

-cause i love sleeping

-cause i love drugs

-cause i love fucking people

-cause i love having y perfect body worshiped

-cause i love being a sex worker

-cause i love looking young

-cause i already have enough people to provide for

-cause ive done things i’ll never be able to say out loud or forgive myself for,ever

-cause im not a walking vagina or a breathing uterus

-cause im too smart and have too any dreas and goals to accomplish instead on focusing on whiping shit out of an infant’s ass

-cause i wanna beat the shit out of any kid that cries like a stupid fuck

-cause i hate men and if i would get pregnant with a son i’d abort it instantly, lol

-cause i dont wanna go blind, have all my hair fall out

-cause i dont need any more ptsd from childbirth or depression from postpartum

-cause i dont want to spend 9 onths of my life walking on eggshells with my thoughts eotions actions and diet

-cause i love my free time

-cause i haven’t lived yet. cause i want and deserve to.

-cause i want all my money to myself

-cause i flushed the last one down the toiled, not before showing it the middle finger after causing myself an abortion and telling that little piece of shit that i won and to fuck off to hell.

-im selfish and i love it

-cause the world is dangerous and cruel

-cause kids make you weak and are a liability

-cause i just dont wanna deal with a teenager’s bullshit again

-cause i will totally fuck them up for good lol

-cause i already raised a kid while i was a kid and had no childhood or happiness

-cause i unhealthy as fuck

-cause in m family both my mom and dad, brothers and e have chronic ibs

-cause i want my childfree life to be a statement that everyone in my faily is a stupid fucking breeder and they can fuck off

-cause our planet is dying and becoming slowly inhabitable

-cause by 2030 there won’t be enough food to feed everyone

-because the world is already overpopulated and there is not enough food or space to sustain us all

- cause men exist

-cause i not a dumb animal that was born to procreate but i was born to die.

-cause there’s no life after death, and inbetween everything sucks

-cause the whole process is so goddamn disgusting

-cause the lil shits pee in my uterus, swi innit, feed on me, make me anemic, give me the most terrible mood swings i’ve fought my whole life to control

-cause they won’t be special, they will be some gross pathethic human like the rest of us

-cause i would love the ore than i love myself and that would hurt me

-cause they would grow up with a single parent

-cause their only parent would be a sex worker that had videos online with herself fucking her ass or puking for money

-cause i’ve fucked 3 kids

-cause they could be lgbt in a world that does’t accept them

-cause i’d be a emotionally unavailable parent

-cause they iage of being called ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ doesn’t ring any bell in my ind and just makes me cringe

-cause i wanna transition to looking androgynous in a couple of years, one way or another, in order to stop feeling dysphoria

-cause im a recurrent drug addict, smoker, drinker with a sex addiction

-cause i’d happily let the be the same things i am

-cause kids are so stupid and gross and we only find the things they do adorable because we are evolutionarly programmed to find them cute in order to protect them and perpetuate the species

-cause cats are so much fucking better

-cause they would most likely need to work their entire life to make money in order to not die or starve

-cause i like reading books

-cause y brother will absolutely have kids one day and thats enough

- cause my kids would be ugly as i was when i was a kid

-cause id muc rather focus on love, romance and finding the perfect girl

-cause theres so uch about myself id want to explore

-cause theres so much i havent tried yet

-

[schrijverr]

The status of Gunpowder Tim

While back on earth Ashes, Tim, JOnny and Marius run into a film crew who are making a documentary about the question: Is Gunpowder Tim a hero or a criminal.

Could be seen as a continuation of Ashes O’Reilly, Hero of the People, but could also be read as stand alone

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none, but tell me if I missed something or you want me to tag something!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian was convinced by Tim to visit earth again. The explosion maniac had just told him he wanted to see it one more time, just to check up on it and who was the Pilot to say no to that.

They were almost there and Jonny, Ashes, Tim and Marius were all filled with excitement about the prospect of Tim also going down in history as a hero of the people instead of the violent maniac that he was.

Promising to be back before nightfall and without the entire police force on their trail, the four exited the Aurora and walked into London.

The group kept their eyes peeled for any statues of plaques, but Tim also just looked around in wonder. London had always been prosperous, much more prosperous than the Moon or any of the other planets the other Mechs had come from, still it had managed to develop even more. With traffic flying everywhere and the streets busy.

They hadn’t spotted anything yet and they had been walking for a while, slowly the disappointment was starting to set in, until they were stopped by a film crew. A man with a microphone stopped them and asked: “Hello, I am Sam Willing from London National, would you mind answering some questions for our documentary?”

Tim, Jonny and Ashes grinned, they liked getting on as many records as possible in the hope of confusing as many historians as they could. In the background Marius rolled his eyes, but he didn’t stop Tim when he agreed for all of them: “Sure, no problem, what is this documentary about?”

“Since it is almost the 100th anniversary of the victory on the Moon Kaiser, were making a documentary of the age old discussion: Was Gunpowder Tim a war criminal or a hero?” Sam Willing told them.

The grins widened even further, this was just perfect.

Unknowingly the presenter started: “So how much do you all know about the war on the Moon Kaiser and his demise?” he then also joked: “You all don’t look like the oldest, so I doubt you were there.”

“Oh, you’ll be surprised.” Jonny told him.

“Yeah, I think I know quite a lot.” Tim agreed.

Marius and Ashes shook their heads at their friends antics. Surprised Sam went on: “Well, great, then I won’t bore you with a bit of background information.” he looked at his paper and asked: “So Gunpowder Tim, as he is known, blew up the Moon. Lets just start with what you think of him?”

“A dashing lad.” Tim immediately answered, “Seems like a great man, 100% justified in his anger and an amazing soldier.”

Jonny elbowed him in the side and told Sam: “A bit of a prick, but I can appreciate good violence, so I suppose he’s alright.”

“Well, I can’t claim I know him in these circumstances, but with everything I’ve heard he did his best and was quite good at his job.” Marius said.

“Yeah, good at his job, but a bit of a dumbass.” Ashes agreed.

This were obviously not the answers Sam had expected, but he kept going: “Uhm, oh, okay, so 100% justified, how so?”

“I mean, Bertie died that was unfair, it was just revenge in a setting where violence is cheered on.” Tim shrugged.

“Ah, yes, Bertie, his best friend.” Sam said, “You find that reason enough?”

Tim glowered at him: “Yes.”

“Okay, I can understand that.” swallowing heavily Sam moved on: “Good at his job, what makes all of you say that?”

“He singlehandedly ended the war.” Marius said like Sam was a dumb child.

“Yes, by blowing up the moon effectively killing all British soldiers stationed there along with innocent inhabitants of the moon.” Sam told them, “Which is a perfect segway into our main question: Does that make him a hero or a criminal?”

“What do you think?” Jonny asked trying to start shit.

“Uh, my opinion doesn’t matter, I don’t want to influence you.” Sam replied.

“Oh, no, we all have out own opinions already, don’t worry.” Jonny said, “I just want to hear what you think.”

“I’d like it if you all stayed on topic.” Sam avoided what Jonny had said.

“Are you avoiding telling us, because you are afraid to give your own opinion? Would you rather stay neutral to please everyone? Is that why you chose this job, so that you could stay on the sidelines and no one would expect different?” Marius asked, psychoanalyzing the poor man.

Sam stammered something intelligible.

Ashes commented: “I knew we took you along for a reason.”

“Come on, Sammy, give us an opinion, promise it won’t hurt.” Tim grinned just a tad too broadly.

“Uh, uhm, okay, I, uh, I think he’s a hero?” Sam said.

“You telling or asking us?” Ashes asked, a bit too happy about Sams discomfort.

“Telling?” Sam replied, “Lots of wars have been going on for much longer than 4 years and he prevented generations from suffering through that fate.”

“Pff, idiot.” Jonny said, taking no time to think about the charter development.

“What? Why?” Sam exclaimed.

Ignoring what Sam had said, Jonny asked him: “What is it with you mortal and putting people in boxes?”

Sam looked even more confused now and just repeated: “What?”

“Tim wasn’t anyone special.” Jonny began, “No offense, Tim.”

“None taken.”

“He was a soldier, he got send up there to fuck shit up and that fucked him up in turn. He’s not a criminal or a hero.” Jonny told Sam, “He blew up an entire planet that is not a good thing. If he hadn’t been in this shit situation, he might’ve never done such a terrible thing. It’s not as black and white as that.”

“But he did go out with quite a bang.” Ashes smirked.

“Oh, fuck off, Ashes.” Tim pushed them with a grin.

“Anyway, that was enough fun for today and as much as I hate to be the voice of reason, we promised Brian to get back and I don’t fancy getting stuck here.” Marius said, starting to lead them away.

Walking away he heard Tim say: “Really, Jonny, something terrible? Like your hobbies aren’t murdering people.”

“Shut up, Tim.”

As they disappeared out of sight, Sam turned to his crew and asked: “Please tell me you got that all. That I wasn’t hallucinating?”

~

A few decades later they go back again. Tim now also has a statue and the four of them are on the cover of a conspiracy history book with the title The time-traveling heroes.

[illuminatvm]

INTRODUCE YOURSELF

Hello! I’m V, she/her, 25, EST, aquarius sun with an aries moon and rising. dumb as hell, illiterate as fuck. hobbies include buying books and never reading them, crying over the fact that i can't travel right now, and being consistently inconsistent with a hyperfixation.

DESCRIBE YOURSELF AS A WRITING PARTNER

oooh! okay, so i like to think i’m pretty laid back but that’s when i’ve gotten through all the nitty gritty of plotting. I love figuring out details and timelines, trading headcanons back and forth and really digging deep into a character and pushing their morals and beliefs and connections to others. I’m also a hoe for the aesthetique and love sending off musing inspo or instagram posts and quizzes between heart-wrenching angst. My writing style tends to veer towards the introspective prose at its best and at its most direct will focus on actions instead— which makes sense when my favourite threads to write are either emotionally harrowing or big fight scenes.

WHO ARE YOUR CHARACTERS?

𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐀𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞 𝐋𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡

Faded mauve and golden gray // a soft voice in a nearly-gone memory // perfectly made earl gray tea // long-gone chateaus and gilded walls // heavy silk and creamy marble // eyes so blue you’ll drown // the safest you’ve felt in years // curated clutter // chiffon cake and pearls // peony-fragile wings // breathless laughter // subtle power // smiles are merely animals baring their teeth

Species: guardian angel

Age: Appears to be in her early/mid-thirties, dates back to the 1400’s

Occupation: real estate developer. 1% for the planet board member. LVMH shareholder

Spoken languages: The better question is, what language does she not know?

Current place of residence: a penthouse suite in downtown seattle

Time in Seattle: 10 years

𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐲ş𝐞𝐠ü𝐥 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐥

welcome to the club // deep crimson and glittering gold // the overwhelming ache of melancholia // neon lights and leather jackets // a life in the shadows // golden rings twisting with worry // sharp eyeliner or none at all // longing to belong // lithe hands of creation // more blankets than you need // starlight is the best light // half-truths and sharp knives // laughter that shakes your being // not dead yet barely alive

Species: shadow-graced

Age: 28. became shadow-graced at 24.

Occupation: jeweler. small-business owner

Spoken languages: English, Turkish, Italian  

Current place of residence: apartment in capitol hill

Time in Seattle: four years

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐅𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐳𝐨 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐥𝐢

half-finished lattes // black t-shirts // empty mirrors // cracked book bindings // piles of coffee beans // hair pomade // lingering hugs // tired eyes // chocolate fondue // cloud couches // a labyrinth in human-form // a smoke filled chest // mulberry and cedar // old leather // messy hair // a watch glinting in the light // wolfish grins // early mornings and late nights // commanding attention

Species: vampire

Age: appears to be in mid-thirties. At the age of 35. Born in 1820.

Occupation: owner of Regime du Matin, independent bookstore + cafe

Spoken languages: English, Italian, French, German, Russian  

Current place of residence: top floor of Regime du Matin

Time in Seattle: two years

PLOT IDEAS / WANTED CONNECTIONS

Annora’s plot/wanted dynamics page

Feray’s plot/wanted dynamics page (coming tonight, i’m just being finicky)

Carmine’s plot/wanted dynamics page

PRESENT HEADCANONS

𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚

To have lived for so long is both a blessing and curse. She remembers when palaces were built and bitterly recalls wars, can never hide the regret upon her features when she thinks of the fall of kingdoms and losses of beauty and majesty and brilliant minds. Devotion, steadfastness has matured, has evolved in the modern world and so too has Annora. Nowadays, you might see her working not merely to protect the people, but the place they inhabit. Technology and the divine have never been meant to mingle, but within her limits she involves herself with innovation— for the good of humanity. Of course, she is careful to remain in certain obscurity. Annora Leigh to mortals is a name forgettable and a face hardly seen. The world can not be saved by a single guardian angel, but she has not lived for so long that she can not try.

She likes to be busy, and she is. It isn’t uncommon for Annora to be in one city one day, then another the next. How she’s in Seattle continues to confuse the many as most of her real estate projects are on the eastern coast of the United States and Europe. But, she is here, and so far there are no signs of her leaving. An angel such as she isn’t so afraid of roaming the streets alone, not when her angelic lineage is so potent. If she isn’t working, she’s often volunteering, or spending time with those she considers her family— mortal or otherwise. If she could split herself into a legion, she could. Unfortunately, however, she is only one. Though that’s never quite stopped her from getting her way.

𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐲

She’d nearly died at the age of twenty-four while in London. In the years since, she and the entity she is bound to have settled here in Seattle, reverting to her birth-given name as she rediscovers herself in this new life, refining a new hobby of jewelry-making as she continues with a more quiet and subdued existence. Her workshop exists above the place where humans and supernatural-alike mingle, a club known for pleasure and indulgence. Lovers do no exist, friendships are distant if not fleeting. A love like her parents’ seems like an impossibility to her now. Her sins are her own, and watching love be wiped away by rage and betrayal was more than enough to cast herself away from the intimacy of knowing and being known. People couldn’t lose you, nor could you lose people if you weren’t present long enough for it to matter.

Though she lives in Capitol Hill, there are many days (and nights) that she’ll not stumble home until late. Her ties to the being that saved her from the brink of death are strangely pulled taut— so while her jewelry workshop (think brands like Sofia Zakia or Tippy Taste or Borcik Jewelry) and small storefront exists on the street level, an exclusive club of debauchery and sin exists below, its hours running until nearly dawn. Sometimes, you’ll find her posing as a bar girl, rarely will you see her indulging with or without the one who chose her for a life of the shadow-graced. But, she is loyal and indebted to them, and luckily in Seattle, everything is within arms reach.

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞

Within him lies the great desire of perpetual warmth, and the ability to give that same warmth to others. That is what the cozy walls of his cafes evoke, what seeps from the man that seems wrapped in tarragon and cinnamon. No, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Not when the last had left him so cold that he’d felt frozen from the inside out. The past few decades have been spent perfecting his craft, doing everything to feel warm and alive — from coffee, to spontaneous relocations, Carmine’s pursuit of never ending fire is never over. Perhaps there will be something, someone that will finally cause him to burn, to smolder brightly even in the light forever, something that’ll bring the restlessness within him to settle into sincere warmth. Or maybe he won’t, and he’ll lose his spark and suffer from an endless cold for the rest of his days.

Business as usual. The cafe caters to both humans and supernatural beings alike. However, humans only know of the main floor and upper two floors of the building. Supernatural creatures are able to access the two lower levels and the second-highest level of the cafe. Carmine lives on the uppermost floor, although all visitors have access to the roof. He’s far more content with his life here in Seattle than he assumed he would be. Although it’s largely in part to the environment he’s created for himself: not a bar, but a place to enjoy drinks and be with friends, curl up by a fire and get lost in a book that either you’d brought yourself or have pulled off of a shelf. He’s been known to be found lazing in the plush couches instead of returning to his own floor, but all staff members suggest you run when he picks up the guitar. The man has absolutely no musical talent. Please don’t ask him to sing.

DO YOU HAVE ANY INSPIRATIONS FOR YOUR MUSES 

𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚'𝐬 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝

𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐲'𝐬 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝

[thenixkat]

Voltron notes 1 (edited?)

Ep 1

No spoiler opening theme

Those are some skinny ass space suits. Shouldn’t they have like tethers and shit to keep them from accidently floating off?

Harvesting ice cores on Pluto or Kerberos or whatever

They wanna meet aliens

No one notices the ship until its right on top of them. Shiro just assumes its a hostile ship

Bullshit and lazy. Fuckin aliens speaking and understanding English

Also Shiro looks so much better with the darker skin. Like, bring back this look.

This ship is very green and that’s unusual compared to later lighting schemes 

Lance is a dick to his friend

Also, you’d think an air and space program would weed out the folks with motion sickness

Lance is overestimating the abilities of himself, the crew, and the ship

Welp, Hunk fucked up the electronics with the barf. Pidge fell from not using her seatbelt. 

Mutanious comments.  

Lance got the team killed

Iverson called them jackasses

I know I shouldn’t be mentioning stuff that hasent happened yet but like? How the fuck does Iverson not recognise Pidge? She looks just like her brother but tiny and that didn’t raise any alarms? She didn’t even dye her hair or anything? Also is her mom ok with this? Is she skipping out on her classes that she should be having as Katie?

Vomit is not an approved lubricant. Heh 

One of those chicks has green hair

Military exploration school

Pidge doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut

Lance is a fuckin bro

Why is Iverson chewin out Lance for something Pidge said?

Poor Lance

Lights out by five? And it's already getting dark?

Ok but Lance and Hunk in civilian clothes makes them stand out so much while they’re trying to sneak around. WHy not carry backpacks with their regular clothes in them while they wear the uniforms until they find a safe place to change. 

Lance is that friend who gets everyone into trouble

Have I mentioned that I hate fat jokes?

Also these kids are shit at sneaking. They didn’t even wait a minute to make sure the patrol dude couldn’t just turn his head and see them. They also made a shit ton of noise.

Pidge is bad at sneaking too, didn’t make sure she wasn’t followed and didn’t keep an eye out for anyone who might spot her on the roof.

Hunk is scared of heights

Pidge is bad at lying

Hunk is nosey af

Lance is trying to be a good team leader

Pidge is trying to uncover a government conspiracy and picked up alien radio chatter. 

If a teenager with little funds and homemade equipment can pick up alien radio chatter than the people who listen to the stars for a living sure as shit picked this shit up.

Lance doesn’t believe in aliens.

Hunk is scared of aliens

School is on lock down

Holy crow. Lance is a potty mouth

Hunk didn’t believe in aliens either

Pidge and Lance jump at the chance to go check out a crashed alien ship. Hunk doesn’t like this.

How the fuck did Pidge remotely hack a camera feed?

Ok but like it makes total sense for them to quarantine Shiro. He might have space pox.

Also Shiro’s skintone changes between 2 dif frames

Hunk neither knows nor cares who Shiro is. And is trying to be the voice of reason

I’m taking that as a fat joke. So fuck you show.

Where’d Keith get the hover car?

Where does Keith get all the explosives? Does he make them?

Lance spotted his eternal rival and doesn’t want to be beat in rescuing the hero. Hunk knows who Keith is

Pidge doesn’t know who Keith is

Why’d they choose that ugly ass tone for Shiro there? He looks kinda grey

Lance was not important enough for Keith to remember him

They’re making Keith take them along for the ride. Also that is not a vehicle designed to carry so many people.

Keith’s got snark.

Pidge yer not doing anything else the least you can do is be useful and keep Shiro from falling off the bike.

Hunk can identify every teacher chasing them

Keith is having fun driving while everyone else screams in terror

So Shiro’s just wearing Keith’s dad’s clothes

Convenient amnesia

Also Shiro’s got a generic ass masculine face

Keith can sense energy

So, those markings and paintings had to have been made by some Native Americans. Which group? What’s the timeframe? Those paintings are showing Blue do stuff so how long was her pilot still around and kicking for? Did she have other pilots before going into lockdown and just chose to stay on Earth? How’d she get to Earth in the first place if fish dude probably died in battle with Galra forces?

Lance hesitates b4 shaking the mystery alien cyborg hand

Hunk is nervous that there might be an alien invasion soon.

Hunk is nosey as hell and a bit of a dick

If I point out everything that is or probably is a fat joke I’ll be here forever

Hunk is smart as hell

Matching a wavelength of an element to a terrain carved by erosion? What? That’s not how anything works

Wait, if Keith has pics of the murals why didn’t they start looking there?

Yeah no those kids are hurt, possibly dead from that fall

The Voltron

The eyes have no pupils and the head isn’t moving, how can you tell the eyes are following you?

So did all of the lions pick these kids and college student from seeing them through Blue’s perspective? How does the lion choosing thing work?

Hunk states the obvious

How is Lance supposed to read the screen when the text is constantly changing. That’s not how computer.

Lance takes Blue on a joy ride and even Keith is not having fun

Also Blue is just fucking up the poor desert

Hunk is a little bitch who thinks giving people what they want will stop them

Holy crow. Hunk has a potty mouth.

So there’s just like a Galra ship right at Earth. The Galra know where Earth is and probably invade it. We just gonna forget about that? Like yes that ship is chasing the lion but nothing is stopping more galra going to Earth.

Shiro is the senior officer so Lance defers to him

So the lions can open wormholes on their own.

Hunk vomits inside Blue

Lance why?

How did none of them notice the castle. Like that is a massive ass castle

They just didn’t check to see if the air was human breathable

Pidge, why the fuck would the steps be bigger if the control seat of the lion was human sized?

Alien tech speaks english

Why do they reuse Cree’s voice for so much

Why do aliens from 10000 yrs ago fucking speak english

Also fucking elves

Also fucking Europeans

Rude. Allura’s first response to meeting an alien is insulting his species looks

Quiznak. Coran has a potty mouth

Also how the fuck do you know anything about this alien’s biology? Why the fuck would a sleeper hold fucking work?

SO why didn’t Alfor use the ‘strongest weapon in the universe’ to fight Zarkon? What, did Black not want any other paladin than Zarkon?

Alfor lies to children.

So how did they send away the other 4 lions? Alfor probably got caught and killed but like from that flashback ep the other three og paladins weren’t in their armor nor shown near the lions or anything. Did the lions hide themselves? Did they have other paladins that piloted them away?

King of the Galra? Bitch he was an emperor well before his fall you should know this.

Convenient amnesia.

How long is the average Galra lifespan?

Could Haggar not? Sense the Blue lion on Earth? How?

Also Haggar really went and got herself a whole ass monster husband

Zarkon calls in the squad. Sends Sendak to fuck shit up

Lance is not good with numbers

Sigh

How do yall even know the food in the castle is safe for humans?

Coran how the fuck u know yall the last Alteans left? Did ya fuckin look?

How the fuck did some nasty ass mice get into the fucking cryopod? How did they survive in a cryopod calibrated for an altean? Why are the mice necessary to the story?

How do the alteans recognize a galra battleship after 10000 yrs?

Lance starts a fight with Keith for no reason. Shiro breaks up the fight.

Did I mention that I hate body functions humor? 

Why and how did Alfor connect the lions to Allura’s life force?

Coran just straight up called Pidge a slightly less stupid than average primitive. Racist as fuck.

Lion’s choose their paladin so Allura just fucking assigns lions to aliens she’s known for less than an hour.

How does she know anything about these aliens? Its been less than 5 mins since she met them.

How the fuck does Allura know here all the lions are but the red one?

How do we know Voltron is the most powerful in the universe? They ain’t seen the entire universe

How do the Alteans know how long an earth hour is?

So an altean brought Green to this planet?

What the fuck kinda dumb ass rabbits come out of hiding when they know strange creatures are near?

To be fair, peaceful might mean something else in Altean. They are fucking space Brits

Hunk asks good questions when he’s not stating the obvious

Also that is a barren ass planet. But it was formerly inhabited.

Hunk rewires alien machinery while under heavy fire

Why does it take so long for yellow’s murals to start glowing? Was Yellow thinking about whether or not she wanted Hunk as her Paladin? Yellow really said if you want me you gotta put in effort.

The Galra were this close to getting Yellow too.

Pidge asks questions.

Who built that pyramid for Green and why did they let it get overgrown?

Pidge somehow didn’t break a leg from that jump

So I’m gonna assume that Blue told Yellow what was up

How well can Yellow move through rock?

Green really wanted Pidge. Like she was lighting shit up immediately.

So Blue actually got pretty damaged from regular ship fire and hiding the ground wrong

Hunk would apparently have let Lance die

Pidge and Shiro are some lyin ass bitches

Lord of the Known Universe. Most of the Galra empire is empty space

It took 600 yrs between a grandfather and grandson altean?

Lance and Hunk vote run

Pidge votes stay and fight

Um. Why would the Galra fuck up Arus when yall are the top priority? Like, sure they can come back for it but the lions are a bigger deal and thus they would chase yall over take Arus

Hunk is making very good points

Also Keith, while Sendak could destroy Arus and then come after yall. It’d be a waste of time and resources. 

Keith votes stay and fight

Shiro chooses not to vote

Alfor’s hologram admits he fucked up with sending the lions away

Allura votes stay and fight and I guess Coran isn’t voting like Shiro

Fuck you show. Why did we need eighteen thousand fuckin fat jokes?

Coran is an asshole

Ok but like that doesn’t look like a good chest plate? Like it looks like if they bent over they’d get poked/stabbed by it? And what’s up with the high sides of the belts?

What the fuck Pidge?! That coulda killed Lance or taken him out for a good while?

Wait, if the ship has a thing that can like just fucking make suits? Why can't they just make more bayards? Why wouldn’t Alfor design something to make more bayards?

Why doesn’t the galra ship have rear view cameras?

Wait! How the fuck do you cut a hole in a space ship and that not fuck with pressurization or set off any safety allarms?! The fuck kinda bullshit is that?

Sendak? Why do you expect aliens to know what that beam was for if you didn’t tell them?

~False surrender is a fucking war crime b/c it removed the option of surrendering for real if the need arrives so it leads to more fucking people dying~

No they didn’t Shiro. Battleships are things that get mass produced. If this is the exact same ship u got put in after the green one then that is bullshit on a cosmic scale.

Shiro is ok with letting prisoners die. Pidge is not, granted it's probably b/c she thinks her family might be on there.

Poor Mrs. Holt. She just got fuckin forgotten by everyone.

So Pidge has an outburst and fucking disobeys the mission leader. Shiro decides to help her just b/c he might know one or two of the people he was willing to let die. And they leave Keith with no fucking backup.

Keith would have legit died if the guards remembered that they have fucking guns and can shoot him when he dropped his shield. Which means Keith would have died if not for plot bullshit b/c his teammates don’t particularly care about his health and safety. Pidge and Shiro care more about the male Holts than Keith and all of the other prisoners that might be on the ship.

Wow.

How does Keith not hold this against them?

No the mice were not necessary, not if either of these dunces whent and opened the control panel from the other side.

That sounds like bullshit. 

Ya know I didn’t have any problems with Hunk the engineer being able to operate an alien elevator or drill by hotwiring shit. But I do call bullshit on Pidge reprogramming a sentry pod thing by changing the connection of one wire.

I still call bullshit on aliens speaking english and all atmospheres being 100% agreeable to humans. B/c that is bullshit

And why the fuck would the color of Rover’s lights fucking change?

… they only checked one fucking room for prisoners but that’s  it I guess? The fuck

Why did the Red lion let the Galra take her? Did she consider that one of the galra on the ship might make a good paladin for her?

Keith gets caught b/c his dumb ass starts shouting on a stealth mission

Keith, they already have the lion. Yer the one trying to take it

Like I said previously the guards forget they have guns and thus Keith lives.

So… how did Keith impress the Red lion? He fought people, lost and blew out the airlock. Which is still a loss if the lion didn’t feel like saving him.

Vore

Guards continue to forget they have fucking guns for plot reasons.

Hunk and the gang leave without destroying the enemy ship or making sure that its irreparably damaged

Coran, Lance, and Hunk have foul mouths

And this is why you fucking confirm yer kill

Why isn’t there a combine button?

Heh, Yellow’s face after slamming Red. Also Red looks so offended about being rammed. 

What the cheese

Hunk’s gone into panic mode and Keith has accepted death.

Shiro gives a speech and they form Voltron

Why are the bad guys giving them the time to form voltron?

Why doesn’t Voltron have a tail? Where does Black’s tail go? Voltron should have a tail.

Any other prisoners on that ship are dead as fuck

How did I watch this show  the first time? It's not good. It’s pretty but it is not good.

[abri-chan]

Unpopular opinion but...

Rich people paying 1million to be launched into a death mission to Mars is hilarious and as they die from radiation and just not being surveyors should be satellite?-vised.

Would the 1million-200k usd morons will pay to get into a mars shuttle be used in better ways? Yes. I'm actually pro-settling in other planets and something we need to consider bc one day some big enough asteroid will come Earth's way, and it doesn't matter how much you fix your home planet, it will end up in dust. So that amount of money would be better spent to send actual people capable of exploring or building a base in Mars. Think of how kings didn't, usually, send themselves in ship voyages back when you didn't know fuckwhere your ship could find land; they send sailors and people who actually could navigate the seas. Rich, space enthusiasts may find themselves the equivalent of sea-sick at best, and at worst unable to survive (radiation aside) or survey a planet.

But since they will use that money to dumb means anyways, and think they can easily survive space. By all means, shoot yourself into space dumbass. (You're not gonna persuade them to use the money smartly, bc what billionaires like is the control that comes with it: you decide where the money goes, and many have the ego of being first to Mars even though they have no background whatsoever to survive in a inhabitable planet or even be an astronaut)

Now, I understand the sentiment between feeling like we litter our planet and move to the next, and then millionaires can do this while the majority of us is stuck on earth. We should also try to fix our home planet and look for ways to move elsewhere; it's not mutually exclusive.

I just feel sometimes the journalists covering rich morons thinking they're space Columbus give these people too much credit and take this shit too seriously. Or sometimes they're less self-aware than these rich morons are.

Do you want to make a point how dumb and entitled it is to think you can easily escape this hellhole and build a paradise on Mars? Let them leave port. Jump on that ship and die in space. Literally the best way to prove the point is to let them do it. To show how foolish it is to think you can on your own know accomplish more than NASA and other space agencies are more equipped to accomplish, bc they will think it through more and make informed decisions of who to best send and how to ensure safety.

Many people seems to think, and media included, that space exploration is a rich person's game and should be shamed for it. Where in fact space exploration should be a communal endeavor, something that requires all of humanity to happen, and it's something that pertains to all of us. That's why we need to build the right structures for it. Structures that we all can be part of and benefit from.

What I don't however get, is why everyone is in a twist billionaires are launching themselves into space. Let them fucking do it. Don't try to persuade them why it is a bad idea. If you hate them so much, it's a win-win if they die and you get to prove a point on how space is not a rich children's game.

[glow-worm]

Powerless - Ch 1/4

(Read the rest of this here or on AO3)

The first time Taako died, Lup died too. An explosion took both of them at the same time, instantly, without any suffering, and together. And as morbid as it was—Barry was almost thankful for that. Taako had been a mess the first time Lup died, so Barry was grateful that Lup could put off that pain a little bit longer.

The second time Taako died, he and Lup were both killed by the Hunger in the last moments of a cycle.

But the third time Taako died was a different story.

They were in a particularly dangerous plane inhabited by a civilization of people similar to the drow they had back home, though they were much, much taller than the drow the IPRE was familiar with—and they freely walked the surface of this planet, not needing to reside in the darkness underground. And while some of the drow here were amicable, most were distrustful. And some were...aggressive.

Merle and Magnus had both been killed a few months before while attempting to communicate with the drow. They were completely destroyed. Barry and Taako had found their bodies, and Barry could not get the image out of his head. Taako was beyond reluctant to speak to any of the drow after that, even if they had been friendly to him before.

He had only been coaxed along today because everyone else was going. The plan wasn’t to seek out or talk to any of the drow, but they did still want to study the plane and its inhabitants—plus, they figured out that the Light was most likely in this area.

Of course, things rarely ever go as planned—and they were now in a heated battle with three drow who seemed to be immensely powerful arcanists.

Spells were being thrown left and right from both sides, but it quickly became clear that these drow were capable of incredibly high level magic that the IPRE had never even heard of—neither back home nor on their thirty-odd year journey.

One spell brought things to a screeching halt for the twins.

One of the drow shot out a massive electrified black magical charge—without a wand—which Taako had no time to react against. It hit him square in the chest, and he was dead before he hit the ground.

“T-Taako?!” Lup yelped.

He collapsed to his knees and then fell to his side without a word.

“No,” Lup pled breathlessly. “No, no, no, no...”

She ran over to him, only narrowly avoiding a hit from a spell that flew by as she passed.

“Focus, Lup!” Davenport commanded. “You don’t want to—oh. Oh, no.”

The captain shut himself up when he saw Lup approaching Taako. As soon as Davenport saw Taako’s motionless body, he knew. And Lup knew, too.

But she would not accept it.

“Taako?” She asked softly, her voice cracking. “Please. Please. Not like this.”

She turned him over on his back and hovered her fingers over the gruesome wound in his chest, hesitant to touch. Instead she moved her hand to the side of his neck, as if she were moving through tar. She pressed her fingers against his pulse point for a few moments before all the color drained from her face.

“No,” she whimpered. “No.”

The battle raged on around her as she clung desperately to her brother’s IPRE jacket, horrified.

Barry began to tremble as he realized what had just happened, but he couldn’t unpack that right now—he had to keep fighting so they wouldn’t lose anyone else.

And that was evidently a definite possibility now, he thought as another curse just narrowly missed Lup, who was too focused on her brother to notice.

He was about to spring into action when Lucretia beat him to it. She leapt in front of Lup and threw up a shield, competent as always in spite of her apparent panic.

“Lup,” Lucretia addressed. “I’m sorry—I know—but—”

She did not finish her sentence as a powerful blast dissolved her shield and an arrow shot into her shoulder.

Lucretia dropped to one knee with a shout, grasping at the arrow.

Barry grit his teeth and pivoted, firing off Blight at one of the drow and completely decimating it—but he barely had time to register his victory, as when he turned back to help Lucretia he was suddenly knocked back with an incredible force and thrown against the cobblestone of a nearby building—and for a moment everything went blank.

“...arry? Get up, Barry, come on!”

Davenport was tugging fruitlessly at his arm, his eyes wide in terror.

“Shit...” Barry cursed, reaching for the back of his head as his vision cleared. “Fuck, are the drow dead?”

“No, I—I’m making a call,” Davenport said. “I’ve got em caught in an illusion. We’re gonna run. Now, right now. Can you walk?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” Barry said as he brought himself to his feet. His head throbbed, and his vision spun slightly as he rose.

“We just can’t risk losing anyone else,” Davenport explained in a panic. “Quickly—the illusion’s not going to last long—girls, we gotta go.”

The captain had turned back towards Lucretia, now back on her feet, and Lup—who was doubled over in anguish by Taako’s body.

Barry tensed and forced himself to move forward, following Capn’port in a daze.

As he surveyed the scene he began to realize that one of his best friends had just been massacred in front of him. It was something that never really got easier—tears welled up in his eyes as the weight of that grief grew more apparent.

He couldn’t let himself fall apart here—not yet, their enemy was slumped on the ground with clouded eyes fixated intently into empty space, and Barry knew the gnomish illusion would be short lived. Given how powerful these drow were, it must have been sheer dumb luck that the illusion worked at all. Plus, there was still Lup.

Barry, Davenport, and Lucretia had all seen Taako die once before.

But Lup had not. And as close as they all were, it would be ludicrous to pretend that Lup and Taako’s bond was not different.

“I—I can’t leave him,” Lup stammered.

“I’m so sorry Lup,” Davenport breathed. “I know how hard this is. I wish I could give you some more time but it’s not safe here, we have to go.”

Lucretia nervously looked back and forth between Lup and the stunned drow. She shook her head, then wove her good arm under one of Lup’s and tried to hoist her up and away from Taako.

“No!”

“Lup, I’m sorry but we can’t win,” Lucretia said as Lup fought against her.

“No, no! That’s—my—brother!”

“He’s gone, Lup,” Davenport said flatly. They did not have time for this. “There’s nothing you can do for him, we have to go! You’ll see him next cycle.”

Barry saw one of the drow twitch out of the corner of his eye. He felt awful, but they didn’t have much choice here. He joined Lucretia and pulled Lup away.

“No—please—”

Lup let out a short yelp of pain and suddenly was leaning heavily into Barry. He braced for her, then quickly scanned for any major wounds.

There was a huge gash on her left side—had she caught a sword there? Or did something arcane slice her? Barry cursed and rearranged so that Lup’s arm was free, which she immediately brought up to the injury. She took a few ragged breaths and steadied herself against Barry, then acquiesced and allowed him and Lucretia to guide her away.

Once the other three were far enough away, Davenport cast Mold Earth and buried the body, fearing for what the drow might be able to do with it.

He ran to catch up, pulling a potion out of his pack.

“Lup,” he addressed. “That’s bad. Take this.”

“No,” she grumbled, dazed. “We’ll need it later.”

“You need it now,” Davenport insisted. Barry noticed there was something off about their captain that he couldn’t quite place—distraction? Perhaps Taako’s death really upset him. “I’m not playing this game. Take the potion.”

Lup begrudgingly drank it down, pausing while its effects worked their way through her wounds. The gash in her side shrunk, and while her condition was still less than ideal—the bleeding stopped, and she was no longer leaning on Barry for support as she walked.

They hurried as quickly as they could, given their conditions, back to the Starblaster as Davenport and Lucretia both cast wards behind them to throw off their enemy in case they’d been followed.

---

This fic will have four chapters; come read it on AO3! The cute Blupjeans stuff will be in the next chapter.

[justlightlysedated]

monsters stuck in your head

for @vlamito, for being amazing always ❤❤

**

Michael's mom has told him stories about how humans are monsters.

How they hate and slaughter those who are different from what is considered the norm. How even their own children aren't safe. How they make laws to control the women of their species. How they put too much importance on the material and don't cultivate the bonds between people. How their military and its members were the worst of the Worst.

Living on a planet inhabited by humans wasn't a choice, but a necessity.

Michael had witnessed the atrocities that humans did to their own kind behind the screen of a television, wars for money and oil and the decimation of millions of acres of rainforests and the way they're killing their planet, slowly but surely, and refuse to listen to those who know better.

The Antarians kept to themselves, and they were human enough, normal enough that they weren't bothered.

Eccentric communities like the one they formed after their ship crashed and they found each other again, were not uncommon, and as long as they didn't bring any unwanted attention to themselves, they were left alone.

The problem was that Max fell in love with a human.

A human girl with long shiny black hair that is always catching the sunlight and big brown eyes and a red stained mouth with a bright white smile.

Max waxes enough poetic that Michael could write Liz his own love letter and say it's from Max.

Michael is supposed to prevent this from happening, but when both Isobel and Max want to leave, there really was no choice but to follow them and make sure they didn't get into any trouble that would cause the Commune any unwanted attention.

Michael follows them with his eyes getting more comfortable behind the wheel of his truck as they get out once he parks at the Drive In without even telling him when they'll be back.

Isobel goes straight to the refreshment stand where she leans forward and says something to the girl behind the counter (who looks too much like Liz to not be her sister) who gives Isobel an interesting look before she nods her head and Isobel grins and leans against the side of the booth so she's not blocking the customers.

Michael loses Max but finds him easily by looking for long glossy black hair. He finds Liz easily enough even though she's short, sitting on one of the picnic tables on the other side of the parking lot of the Drive In. Max is sitting down beside her already deep in conversation.

Michael becomes slightly disappointed when he doesn't spot the curly hair that belongs to Liz's friend Maria, she's fun to banter and flirt with and always has a story from the bar that makes Michael laugh.

She's the only human he's met who makes him think about maybe breaking the No Fraternizing with Humans Rule, but he doesn't think the amount of trouble they'll be in if they're found out will be worth it.

There's a loud tap on the window of the passenger side, and Michael looks over, annoyed because Isobel would've just gotten into the truck if she'd come back and freezes.

The guy leaning against his truck looks like he literally walked out of every wet dream Michael had from age twelve to fifteen.

From his big brown eyes lined in black to the inquisitive tilt of his eyebrows to the piercing hanging from his nose, like an arrow pointing to his mouth, stained black like he'd been wearing lipstick and it had gotten smudged off.

Michael feels a throb of want deep in his belly and inhales deeply, startled, thinking, fuck.

"Hey," he says as Michael tries to get his brain working properly and not stuck in his preteen fantasies.

"I know you're probably wanting to be alone, but I'll split this sixer with you if you let me watch from back there."

He lifts a six pack of beer that are so cold you can see the condensation, and motions with his chin towards the back of the truck.

Michael's eyes drop to his hands, long thin fingers covered in silver rings, wrist wrapped in black rubber bracelets, and his fingernails were painted glossy, black.

Michael could feel his mouth water.

He swallows hard and nods his head slowly.

A smile breaks out across that face and Michael feels like a shooting star is buzzing around his head, knocking things out of place, and dazzling him into stupidity.

"Thanks," he says. "I refuse to sit with the Lovebirds."

He points with his chin over in the general direction of the picnic tables and Michael glances over and spots Max and Liz making eyes at each other.

He realizes with a jolt that this must be Alex, but when Liz had said her other friend Alex couldn't make it because they were working, Michael had totally expected another girl.

Not the boy still leaning against the passenger side of his truck and raising an eyebrow when Michael looks away from Max and Liz.

He inclines his head towards the back of the truck and Michael scrambles to get out of the front seat.

He makes it to the back of the truck as Alex is opening up the tailgate and setting the pack of beers right in the middle of the space.

"I'm Alex," he says smiling and Michael's brain short circuits again, and he forgets his real name not to mention the human name he'd been also given at birth, and he has to stop himself from saying, I know or something else equally embarrassing.

Michael swallows and opens his mouth to respond when Alex pulls himself up on the open tailgate, the move making his tight black shirt expose a strip of the pale skin of his stomach.

Michael forgets his name all over again and blinks slowly when Alex just continues to watch him with an eyebrow raised.

Michael is usually way cooler and a whole lot smoother than this.

But that all seems to fly out the window everytime that Alex does something, like smile or move or speak or breathe.

"Michael," he blurts out, and then sits down hurriedly grabbing one of the beers and twisting it open.

Beer wouldn't really do anything to him in terms of actually making him not sober, but it did leave behind a pleasant buzz if he drank enough.

The movie starts soon enough, not leaving any time for the silence to get awkward and for Michael to blurt out something embarrassing.

Michael is halfway done with his beer when he realizes that they're watching one of those horrible evil aliens come to take over the world movies.

Michael swallows the rest of his beer as Alex makes a rude noise with his mouth as a human says something totally xenophobic.

When a fake alien head gets exploded, Michael grabs a next beer even though he can see that Alex isn't done with his first one, and leans back against the side of the truck to watch Alex instead of the movie.

He makes it through half of the beer in his hand before Alex's, bitch please expression startles him into laughter.

Alex looks over to him, cheeks flushing in embarrassment, but he gives Michael a look.

"It's ridiculous," he starts and it sounds like a well worn argument. "If aliens were even amongst us, we wouldn't know. Humans have not been able to find a planet with life. I doubt aliens coming here wouldn't be advanced enough to hide from our satellites."

Michael drinks the rest of his beer so that he doesn't laugh, because Alex is right.

"What?" He asks as Michael lowers the bottle. "You think aliens wouldn't be smarter?"

"Oh I'm sure they would be," Michael drawls feeling a slight buzz. "Humans are dumb."

Instead of looking at him weird, Alex raises his beer in agreement and drinks the rest of it, reaching for the second one, and giving Michael a look when he realizes that Michael just finished his second.

Michael just gives him a smile and grabs his last beer. "You did say we were splitting it."

Alex just inclines his head in agreement and opens the second beer.

He goes to look back at the movie and Michael continues to watch him.

Alex drinks his second beer faster than the first, and when he grabs his third, Michael takes the cardboard case and tosses it towards the back of the truck, sliding over a bit closer.

He sees Alex freeze and dart a look at him out of the corner of his eye, before he seems to look at the screen even harder.

Michael doesn't know exactly why but he finds himself struggling with the urge to get closer, to touch Alex.

He never feels this desperate for contact, even when he's suffering through the high spikes of arousal that come with his mating cycle.

Alex makes an incredulous noise and looks at Michael freezing immediately when he realizes how close Michael is.

Michael blinks in surprise and inhales sharply and his mouth waters as Alex's scent floods his senses.

Smoke and wood and blackberries and something sharp and bitter that reminds Michael of nail polish remover.

Michael can't find the will to force himself to look away, and Alex unfreeze, inhaling sharply as his eyes drop from Michael's eyes to his mouth, really deliberate and obvious.

Michael feels another pulse of want deep in his belly, and he wonders if there was something other than alcohol in those beers.

"Can I kiss you?" Alex asks voice soft and trembling, eyes still not moving from Michael's mouth.

Michael's mouth feels like the Sahara and he can feel it in his bones that the water that will quench his thirst can be found in Alex's parted lips.

Alex starts moving back, eyes darting to Michael's and then away. He inhales as though he's about to say something else when Michael finally gets his brain motor functions working.

He swallows hard and moves in close, pressing his lips to Alex's before Alex can move too far.

Alex makes a soft, surprised noise against Michael's mouth before he moves, pushing against Michael and sliding his hands into Michael's hair, dragging his fingers through Michael's curls as though he was born with the Guide to Turn Michael On imbedded into his brain.

Michael's fragile hold on his self control snaps.

He reaches for Alex and tugs him in, fingers pressing into the back of his neck as he pulls until Alex is draping one of his long legs over Michael's lap and pulling himself in closer with his hold in Michael's hair.

Michael forgets where he is or why he's there.

All he knows is Alex, and his lips parting to Michael's as he opens up for him eagerly, moaning when Michael licks into his mouth, and his fingers wrapped around Michael's hair, tugging insistently and sending sparks of pleasure down Michael's spine, and his leg, heavy across Michael's lap, right against his rapidly hardening dick.

As Michael drags his hands down Alex's back, and Alex moans and kisses him back, wet and noisy and hot as fuck, he wonders if Alex will let him Michael push him down on the back of his truck and let him sit on his dick and ride him until the movie comes to an end.

Someone hits the back of Michael's head hard, and Michael jumps, biting down too hard on Alex's lip.

He pulls back hissing as Michael turns to glare at the only person who would do something like that.

Isobel is standing in front of him raising an eyebrow in judgement, as though her lips and the area around her mouth aren't stained red.

He looks back at Alex who is watching Isobel with wide eyes, blood welling from the small cut on his lip.

His eyes dart to Michael and Michael just rolls his eyes mouthing the word, sister since that's how he had been introduced to Liz, and Alex blinks rapidly a few times before he licks his lips and smiles at Michael, small and sweet.

"Give me a sec," Michael says deliberately looking at Alex's mouth for a long second letting him know that he's not done.

Alex's smile widens even as his cheeks go red and he ducks his head down shyly and then he points towards the concession stand with the side of his head.

"I'll go get us some snacks," he says before he leaves, lifting one hand to his face.

Michael finds himself wanting to do the same. To touch his lips and feel them, wet and swollen from Alex's mouth.

"Wow," Isobel says slow and mocking, snapping Michael out of his daze and reminding Michael that she's still standing there.

With Isobel there and Alex walking further away, the reality of the situation sobers him up a little bit.

What did he just do? And with a human.

Isobel is saying something along those lines since Michael has always been incredulous at best when it came to their involvement with humans.

Michael looks over to where Alex is standing in line at the concession stand and is looking back at him.

Alex licks his lips, and pulls the bottom one into his mouth. His eyes go half lidded as though he's remembering something good.

Michael licks his lips, tastes the blackberry of Alex's lipstick and thinks once again, fuck.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

The Nutjob Twins’ Message (Pieces of the People We Love, Part 4.)

Series description: Not many people had the chance to see a vault or to mean anything in the world of Pandora. Will a hardly built relationship in the loneliness of the desert have the potential to change anything in the world of anarchy and chaos - or will the friends try to murder each other?

Part summary: After hearing the newest message from the nutjobs of “gods”, Scooter seemed to be sure that his friends and family are in trouble. Well, you knew where this was going and you didn't like it at fucking all. 

Warnings: A lot of guns, violence, reader is a tough badass - not a vault hunter tho. They’re badass and don’t give a fuck. And Scooter is a dumb bitch, as always. All Psychos and Fanatics are various Vine references - oh, what luck that reader can understand them since she is friends with Bandits.

Word count: 2.9 K

Tagging: @notaliteraltoad​

Series masterlist:  H E R E

Series playlist: H E R E

“Are you sure that these new vault thieves are your friends? I mean… Literally, any living remotely-human being on this planet is a fucking vault thief for that duo of crazy asses.” - Half an hour ago, you’ve made it to Pintley’s to hear his perspective on Scooter’s suspicions about his friends being the targeted ones. As per usual, you’ve had a can of Dr. Bob in your hand as you took a long swing of that nasty… Something and then, you gave a short look to Pintley. You took Scooter to Hell’s Cauldron immediately after that transmission to discuss everything. To have someone smart to help Scooter with settling on the plan he should choose. Like, you know, a good guardian.

You took him to the only other sane person in the radius of hundreds of miles, hoping Pintley would figure something out real fast - you still had your suspicions about being the one who’ll end up with Scooter and his little suicide mission project, but… A girl can dream, right? Maybe, these two men will actually come up with a smart plan that won’t involve you in the slightest.

So far it seemed, that everyone on Pandora, at least those who and working Echos or turned on radios, have heard. Maybe even other planets could hear the announcement, what could you know? Calypso twins were hunting some poor souls again - but just like you said before, that was none of your fucking business. Whoever these people were, they got into trouble on their own. You were just a small screw in the big scheme of things; so, whoever’s the trouble was, they needed to solve it… Right?

“Man, I’m sure-sure that this gal was talkin’ ‘bout my damn friends.” - Scooter answered with a sad tone of voice, making you come back to the present moment. Even if you were one crazy son of a bitch, you could hear the sadness and even understand it’s where it was coming from, to some extent. Maybe the alleged vault thieves were his friends, this time for real, but how could you know? Again - which part of it was your problem? Yeah, maybe it was Scooter’s problem. In that case, you’d be kinda sad too - and, without single regard or ill intent, you’ll wish the dude your best wishes if he decided to go and help them - but you weren’t about to lay a single finger on a thing that was supposedly connected to the vault hunting business. No. You already knew how the business was running; you’ve tried it, didn’t like it at all and it cost you your other arm. At that thought, you shivered a bit and caught to the steel that was now a part of your body.

“And how comes so?” - With a long sigh, you jolted on your chair as you stated Scooter down, trying to get to know what was going inside the small head of his. - “Tyreen didn’t name any names, did she, Scooterboy? Or did I just didn’t hear them? Damn, don’t tell me it’s my time to get an appointment at the doctor’s.” Sooner, way before the COV started to take over Pandora, the VH business was a dangerous and expensive one as well. It was only for those, who had little to lose. For those that knew their way with guns and those who were ready to commit themselves and their existence for the sole purpose of vault hunting. That was more than seven years ago. Now? It was the first sign you’d look for if you were worried that you’re either having some kind of psychosis or a serious mental diagnose, like being insane per se.

Your wish was to be a part of the legends that were told? Honey, you were more than ready to get a diagnosis and a stamp on top of that. The occasional meetings with the fanatics were more than enough for you. If these crazy asses would get to know or even hear a rumor that you’re helping the wrong side, their Gods’ nemesis, the vault hunters? Man, you would have a shit ton of them behind your back and a bounty pinned on your head. That was a no-no situation for you.

“Because there is only one siren on Pandora at the time and that’s Lilith.” - The man gazed back at you with an empty, deadly stare. You didn’t even flinch. What were you? A bitch to flinch under one not-so-nice look? Damn, the fuck you weren’t. “Technically, two and a half sirens are inhabiting the planet.” - Pintley mouthed out silently and progressed with doing the dishes. - “He has a good point, tho.” - Your best bud of the last couple of years finished with an innocent face, not daring to look at you. But you did know what he was trying to do and you weren’t about to simply give in because the old man had said so. Then, quite smoothly, you turned back to Scooter. “So, Scooterboy has a good point. And what? Why on Pandora should I even give a diddly-damn?” - The attitude you’ve given Pintley was more than well-known to him. Slowly, you slid your back to the chair as you waited for the rest of what he had so say. Oh, your gaze and expression were just daring Pintley to come for you and whoop your ass with all the arguments be got in store. At the exact moment and place, you were in your element.

Fighting arguments, that was where you succeeded 99.9% of the time. This was the sort of fight you preferred. - “Should I shit myself because boo-hoo, oh no, the baddies are after Lilith? Because they want to harm poor old Sanctuary? She, her Crimson Raiders and vault hunting ain’t my business, so I ain’t gonna put my nose somewhere where it... Shouldn’t. Fucking. Be." - Every word was accompanied by a thud, as the tip of your finger bounced from the table. - "They never did anything good for me - why would I willingly put my head down for them to get decapitated?” - The time on your voice was ice-cold, just like your eyes. Boy, you didn't realize how wrong you were at the moment, but that didn't slow you down at all. “And as for you, young man… I can pack you a lunch and wish you safe travels, if you wanna. But you should not expect any help from me, are we clear?” - With the last swing of Dr. Bob, you crushed the can with your metal arm, throwing it to the bin as you stood, putting your coat and large hat back on. Yet at that moment, Scooter did something anyone expected him to do. It honestly threw you off the rails.

The man talked back to you.

“Yea, man, ya a pussy, I can see that. Understood and noted. But because ya a bitch, ya goin’ let these people die? I know it's dangerous and beyond anyone's wildest darn dream, but that's the damn thrill, ain't it? That's why we're doin' that, aren't we, huh?” - Scooter was on his feet as well, throwing his dirty cap on the ground with something, that couldn't be described other than a sudden outburst of fury. He wasn't ending, but he had entertained you nonetheless. As you watched him gasping for breath, your metal arm went to grab the shotgun you had in your holster. “Excuse me if I’m wron’, but who destroyed Helios when Jack wanted to erase Pandora from the universe? Vault hunters. Who killed Jack? Again, man, it were the vault hunters. Who killed the darn destroyer not once, but twice, huh? Who's keepin' the COV away? Stop actin’ like a pussy and let’s help them while there’s still time to do so.” - At first, Scooter wanted to be rude at you - yet when you took the shotgun out and pointed its barrel right at his face, he suddenly shut up. The atmosphere got suddenly very, very uncomfortable.

“Listen to this, Scooterboy. I'm going to repeat myself - nobody... Nobody will be calling me a pussy or a bitch, can you hear me loud and clear?” -  Quickly, you put your metal arm for him to see before you hugged your gun tight again. - “This is how it looked the last time I was trying to brave like the vault hunters are rumored to be. So if I will have to repeat myself, then I’ll shoot you down like a practice target. Are we on the same wave?” - The sentence was practically hissed out and now, you were standing two mere feet away from him.

“Vault hunters and Crimson Raiders ain’t my concern at the slightest, you understand? I’m good on my own, I’m a lone wolf, not a team player. So please, go on, run and save your friends and get yourself killed in the process, if it makes you pleased. But don’t make me solve your fucking problems. Because you and I? We aren’t friends, Scooterboy.” - With every word, you made it clear that you might be just the rude asshole you first seemed to be. Maybe the spark of humanity Scooter saw before was an illusion? Maybe you were a nutjob, just like everyone else on this goddamned planet. It was Pintley, who saved the situation. The older man pushed Scooter behind his own back, stretching out his arms to protect the boy from getting shot. For a moment, you were still pointing your barrel at him, but then you put the gun down really fast. Pintley was Pintley; a mentor and a friend.

“Cowboy, that's just enough. Calm down and put the gun on the table, will ya?” - The pub owner said calmly, nodding his head at the table. That son of a bitch. Oh, you knew what bomb he’s about to drop. The m-bomb. Moral bomb. Slowly, you put the gun out of your reach and walked around a bit to calm down. From time to time, you shot a gaze in Scooter's direction, making him realize you're still not done with him. “I know that this is not what you want to hear rite now, but Scooter had a good point in what he’d said. Vault hunters, whether you like it or not, saved your ass more times than you can count on your fingers, and maybe, you don’t even realize any of that. You can’t be very ignorant when you want to, do you know that?” “And you can be a pain in my fucking ass, Pintley. I mean what I said. It's not my damn problem.” - Now, you were speaking with your mind a bit more clear and you knew that the situation went from 0 to 100 really quickly; partially because you could be a damn idiot and partially because Scooter accidentally remained you of the accident with your arm. Again, you shivered lightly and smoothed over the arm, looking away from both of them.

“Hey. I know since you were a small girl, don't I, huh? I know you have some unfinished business with the vault hunters. We all know you don’t like them. But hey, the least you can do is that you can give Scooter a headstart, how does that sound?” - Pintley asked with a small smile, running his fingers on his mustache. He was one sly motherfucker, that needed to be said. - “Nobody wants you to join their little scout troop, you can just... Help him get there, what about that?”

“What kind of headstart are we talking about here?” - Now, the anger turned into tiredness. Without asking Pintley, you slipped behind the counter and grabbed one bottle of vodka, drinking straight out of it. Right. You didn't have to head out on a huge adventure, you could just... Help a bit and then pretend you have never met Scooter before. Sounded good enough to you. “Maybe, you can enable him to travel the Fast Travel network? That should do the trick, huh?” - Pintley looked over his shoulder at Scooter, patting the man's arm. With a sigh, you leaned your elbows into the counter, taking one fucking long swing. No. You took it back. Pintley was insane. Fast travel was one of the things that Hyperion came with as well - a system of teleporting machines that absorbed your DNA, sent you through digital ports to your final destination, and there, the Fast travel station put your body together again. Said network was working all over the known galaxy and inhabited planets. But it wasn't working in Hell's Cauldron. You knew where the nearest working was, and very well, had to be noted. No. You weren't about to get yourself fucking killed.

“Are you seriously out of your mind?” - With another swing, you put the bottle down so violently that it almost crashed in your palm. Then, you stared at Pintley for a bit longer. - “Do you really want me to persuade the boys from Walrus to switch it on for Scooterboy?” - Most of the people in Hell's Cauldron knew who Walrus was. He was one of the few bandit barons that weren't insane enough to sign his boys up to the COV. He was insane and he wasn't exactly fond of you (which was your fault and you knew that), but he could still be considered an ally. “Basically. They like you, Blindy and Rayray owe you a lot. Try it, that’s the least you can do.” - The man walked to you, made you stand up, and then he carefully smoothed your shoulders, shaking you a bit. - “Bandits of Ham’s Creek know you and trust you in their crazy, weird way. Come on, Cowboy. Do it for me. Do it for him. Do it for the universe.” “Pintley, seriously, you want me to talk to the bandits.” - Now, you were whispering with not-so-slight irony. This was like the start of a freaking good anextode. - “These men… They don’t have a functional brain between them. They listen with their knees. I don't even know if they can speak our language and I'm still not the most fluent in psycho. If you forgot, these two nutjobs Rayray and Blindy, are the normal ones out of all the men that live there, and they are like… Batshit crazy, these two. The rest is straightway nuts. Do you even remember the last time they were celebrating? If not, too bad, because I fucking do.”

At this, Pintley stopped for a moment to give you serious look. Then, he smiled. - “Cowboy, come on. We both know you would do that if there weren’t the Crimson Raiders or vault hunters mentioned. You’re just being overly dramatic.” - His index finger flicked your nose and you opened up your mouth, searching for a valid argument. Without any success, you must've admitted. Then, Pintley looked at Scooter as he knew that he already won the moral persuading. “She’ll take you to Ham’s Creek. She’s just being too hot-headed.” - Your mentor winked at the mechanic and switched to his position behind a bar, giving you the vodka bottle you've already opened. The atmosphere inside the room slowly gotten a bit better as you put your shotgun back to the holster.

“Let’s fucking do this, then.” - A low growl came out of you as you finished the rest of the bottle, throwing it to the bin once more. With a surprising speed, you walked to the new functional Catch-A-Ride, asking for a light runner. “Ya mean right now? Like now-now?” - He said with a sign of worries in his voice. You looked at him with a snort and started the engine. “Now. Tomorrow’s late, Scooterboy. Crawl in, I just want it to be over already.” - As you pushed the gas pedal down, the engine howled loudly and you leaned into the leather seat with a long sigh. Then, you looked over to the scooter sitting in the gunner's nest. - “Remember, you’ll stay glued to my back at all times until we set our feet to the place do you understand what I’m saying? You move a foot away from me and they will make a delicious soup out of you.” “And aren’t they like… Asleep now or somethin’?” - He yelled back at you. You almost turned around and gave him an ironic look, but you just make the car rush forward. Bandits and asleep? Those words weren’t making sense when someone used them in one sentence. Those fuckers were running on an hour of sleep per day, or so you heard. That was why almost each one of them was batshit crazy. Good thing was that you didn't need any navigation - you knew the way to Ham’s Creek by your heart. You'd be able to drive there from literally anywhere in the proximity of sixty miles.

And only little did you know that this was the place where your trouble had started... And that it'll get progressively worse over time.

[mst3kproject]

820: Space Mutiny

Well, I did one of MST3k’s John Phillip Law movies, so I might as well do the other.  Ladies, Gentlemen, etc, I give you: Mother.  Fucking. Space.  Mutiny.

The Southern Sun is a generation starship on its way to colonize a new planet.  Most of the people on board are okay with this, but there’s a faction, led by Commander Kalgan, who want to abandon the mission and land somewhere. Kalgan and his cronies are willing to do anything to get their way, including sabotage the ship and make a deal with some space pirates.  Lucky the Southern Sun has Dave Ryder, a big dumb beefalo of a man who will roll, shoot, and scream the rebels into submission!  Oh, yeah, and there’s some Yoga Witches in the cargo hold, I dunno what’s up with that, but the movie assures me they contributed.

MUZ has been called the Manos of the Sci-Fi Channel era, in that it’s incoherent and badly-photographed.  This is a compelling argument, but for my own part I consider Space Mutiny the Manos of the Sci-Fi Channel era, in that it’s absolutely iconic.  It’s the episode that comes to mind when people think of that period in the show.  It gave rise to memes. It’s also very much the Starcrash of the Sci-Fi Channel era, in that it is absolute comedy gold in ways the film-makers never intended.

You could write a book on the many sparkling facets of this movie's sucktitude.  As Mike and the bots repeatedly observed, Cisse Cameron is ten years older than the character she’s playing, and the ‘engine room’ shots are all in a factory somewhere with sunlight shining through the windows.  As they famously never observed even once, all the spacecraft shots are stolen from Battlestar Galactica.  The bridge is made of cardboard.  Nobody’s costume fits – Ryder’s in particular sags at the ass, which is a shame because I bet his ass is terrific.  The women wear outfits so tiny that one with extra-long hair looks like Lady Godiva from behind.  The end credits song takes the best bits of every 80’s power ballad ever written and assembles them into something far less than the sum of its parts. You can hear the singer’s mullet.

The writing is nothing short of stunning in its badness.  Battle sequences are a mess, with no idea what’s at stake in each area the mutineers are trying to capture.  There are whole scenes in which nothing much is actually said – the most glaring example is probably the bit where Commander Santa tells Captain Sting ‘it would have to be somebody on this ship with something to gain from this’.  The exchange tells us nothing we didn’t already know. MacPherson only shows up in the room where Miss Santa is being interrogated so that he can expose himself as a traitor.  Kalgan uses ‘space-bitch’ as an insult, unironically, twice, and calls Ryder a ‘meddling fool’.

There are at least three places where something is set up and then disposed of without ever being paid off.  Commander Santa’s daughter tells Ryder that they can call for help against the pirates and mutineers, but he says he figures Kalgan has already installed scramblers – so they don’t even try.  That seems to me like a situation where can’t hurt, might help would be a good philosophy.  There’s also the ‘countermeasures’ subplot, where we learn that MacPherson will have revealed all their defense plans to the mutineers… and then the whole subject is just dropped.  The biggest dangling plot thread, however, is the Bellerians.

These are the Yoga Witches I mentioned.  They show up wearing bathing suits and veils, rub themselves all over the walls and some of those plasma globes that were popular in the 80s and 90s, and I think they seduce some of the security personnel.  One of them visits Commander Santa and tells him it’s time for action, and they murmur things about time being up for one or other of the mutiny leaders, but they never actually do anything.  The first time I watched this, as the MST3K episode, years and years ago, I remember waiting and waiting for the Bellerians to do something cool and they never did. They are entirely decorative.

(They also made it impossible for me to take Avatar seriously. The exchange a superintelligent dandelion seed! – Man, they'll worship anything! will not leave my head the entire damn movie.)

I also have to ask: if Kalgan and his followers are not satisfied living on the Southern Sun, why don’t they just… leave?  The ship is clearly still in an inhabited part of the galaxy.  There are the pirates, there’s the idea of calling for help, and people do come and go.  Professor Spooner was on board the ship at some point to be Miss Santa’s mentor, then he left, and now he’s coming back.  The Bellerians arrive and are given a place to stay, and it’s implied that they will be on board for some time but not permanently.  Ryder is new to the Southern Sun, and I think the nonsensical does that mean you won’t marry me? at the end is supposed to tell us that he’s leaving again and hoping to take Miss Santa with him.  If Kalgan wants to go, he can… but the writers completely ignore this.

Yet for all that, Space Mutiny is actually quite engaging.  It’s structured like a proper movie, alternating between action, mystery, and romance.  Reb Brown as Ryder and Cisse Cameron as Miss Santa have decent chemistry – they actually met on this movie, fell in love, got married, and are still married to this day.  Sometimes you can’t follow what’s going on in an individual scene, but you always know where you are in the story as a whole.

Miss Santa appears to be an attempt at a Strong Female Character(tm). She’s supposed to be a PhD, and she gets involved with the shooting and punching right alongside Ryder.  I think the did you see my butt? scene is supposed to tell us that she’s in charge of her own sexuality (this might work better if the camera didn’t leer like a miserly tipper at a strip club), and when she’s taken hostage she’s able to almost rescue herself by the time Ryder comes for her.  She also has a few hints of actual personality, in that she’s shown using her work in the greenhouse as a way to blow off steam, and she sulks a bit when she doesn’t get her way (well, that’s gratitude for you!).

Ryder is a much larger presence in the movie, both physically and in terms of screen time, but he has far less to him as a person.  He’s brave and heroic and likes to yell and shoot at things, and that’s about it.  I suppose, like Duke Barnum in Last of the Wild Horses, he’s supposed to be a man-shaped hole that the audience members can place themselves in.  It works a bit better here, because Ryder is a handsome, muscular space pilot, which seems, at least to me, like a better fantasy life than ‘broke cowboy who interferes in other people’s problems’.  There’s also the fact that Ryder has a reason to be involved in these events, since he, too, is trapped on the Southern Sun with the mutineers.

I guess Space Mutiny is probably trying to be about long-term versus short-term goals. The Southern Sun was built with a long-term goal in mind – find and colonize a new planet.  The people on board mostly accept that they are just a stage in this process, and that the end result will benefit descendants they will never meet.  The mutineers are focused on a short-term goal, settling on a planet somewhere and becoming rich and powerful.  The movie doesn’t really delve into the consequences for everybody else on the ship if Kalgan wins, but we’re clearly meant to assume that the long-term goal entails more benefit to more people. That’s a good enough theme, I guess.

One thing the movie does go into, although probably by accident, is the nature of male versus female power.  The men in this movie – Captain Santa, Ryder, and Kalgan – are proactive, giving orders, firing guns, and throwing punches.  The women largely sit at desks and serve drinks, and those who attempt to take action are punished for it.  Lieutenant Lamont tries to investigate the theft of explosives, and gets shot (we’re supposed to ignore the fact that she’s back at her console ten minutes later).  Leah goes to help Ryder in the battle and is lectured for it.  These are unacceptable forms of power for women to wield.

Acceptable female power is embodied in the Bellerians, who manipulate events subtly from behind the scenes. Unfortunately, they do it so subtly that I have no idea what, if anything, they actually contribute – which just makes it look like women can tell themselves they’re in charge but they’re not. They’re just hanging out while the men do all the real work.

I guess I should mention that there’s only one guy in this movie who isn’t white, and he’s hanging up in a freezer in his underpants.  I could complain, but I’m tired.

What makes some bad movies entertaining and others insufferable? What is the difference between, say, Teenagers from Outer Space and Invasion of the Neptune Men, or The Giant Spider Invasion versus The Starfighters?  Looking back across the gulf of around two hundred bad movies I’ve written about in the past three and a half years, I’m going to say it involves weaving your failures into a structure that might otherwise work.  Fun bad movies have characters we can follow and a plot that makes some kind of sense – we know who Ryder and Miss Santa are, and we have some idea what they’re doing, so we’re not sitting and trying to puzzle that out instead of enjoying the floor polisher chase scenes.  Once the movie has us in a place where we want to pay attention, it doesn’t really matter if the technicalities are up to snuff.  This is where movies like Radar Secret Service fail, and where Space Mutiny almost succeeds.

[tanadrin]

Actually managed to see Endgame tonight; thoroughly enjoyable, a solid entry in the franchise that met or exceeded all expectations. There is no post-credits scene, though, so don’t do like I did and sit through the credits on the off chance and nearly miss the last train home.

Individual thoughts that are not spoilers:

1 )Brie Larson’s haircut hoooooooly shit

2) I mean hoooooooooooooly shit

3) I have plenty of thoughts about like the characters and the way the plot was constructed and how it was all carried off

4) but can we just talk about Brie Larson’s hair for a minute please

Thoughts which might constitute spoilers:

5) Absolutely nothing about this movie was a surprise; it in fact hit all the expected notes in the expected order. That said, it did it well: Even with the opening scene, where you 100% know exactly what’s going to happen from the moment you see what’s going on, it still manages to hit pretty damn hard--doesn’t hurt that it’s basically one of the ur-Adult Fears come to life. Like Infinity War, it juggled a frankly huge cast, it built on ongoing narrative and character arcs well (and closed them!), and it worked very well both in its context in a larger franchise and as a standalone move--although it’s probably not narratively inseparable from IW for obvious reasons, I think those two together work as a fun, big, goofy, two-parter superhero movie.

6) As to the general plot: Thanos isn’t a stupid villain, and although his motivations are incoherent after five seconds of thought (”Hmm, killing half of all living things--wouldn’t that cut the economic and biological productivity of all inhabited planets by half or more, thus meaning in fact the survivors would be no better off after? Why would they be grateful to you?” At least in the comics this was a secondary motivation for another goal--being in love with Death--which mean it didn’t have to stand on its own as a premise), he goes about executing his plan competently. So of course he destroys the Infinity Stones right after he wins! And we get to watch the heroes impotently murder him in revenge, which does nothing to bring their friends back and only serves to highlight how traumatized they are by their loss. The movie doesn’t really explore much of the post-Snap world, but it doesn’t have time to, and what we see of it serves to reinforce what it’s really focused on in the beginning, which is the microcosm of the surviving Avengers’ grief. That works very well. I’m a little bummed they played Thor only for laughs, because “alcoholic loner too consumed by grief to lead his people” could also be full of pathos; but I think Thor was doomed to be some kind of comic relief after Taika Waititi’s makeover. It’s not a super objectionable choice (the movie badly needed its comic moments!), but I would like to see Thor be done justice as a dramatic character.

7) The time travel aspect was nonsense, but fun nonsense; I usually hate time travel plots with a passion, but this one was done very well. Specifically, it avoided you wondering whether it was creating alternate timelines where just as many people were doomed to suffer as in our prime reality, which always undercuts the whole concept; and because this was a capstone film on 11 years of a franchise, it provided the opportunity to revisit iconic moments and characters--but it avoided being a dumb clip show. It did that by making a nonsensical hash of causality, but Marvel movies in general make a nonsensical hash of physics, politics, history, biology, and astronomical scale, so w/e. Also Thanos being like “well, future me was a dumbass; clearly I should kill the entire universe this time” upped the stakes nicely in a very organic way. Although now there’s gonna be a little voice in the back of my head going like “This universe has been proven to have TIME TRAVEL which DOESN’T EVEN FUCK UP CAUSALITY, why do you not just recharter SHIELD to raid the future for super advanced technology.”

8) The post-snap world is gonna be a bureaucratic clusterfuck though. Half the population is five years younger than the other half. Will they avoid the mess with Peter Parker’s classmates by just assuming they were all dead too, or just ignore it?

9) Thor dual wielding! Holy shit!

10) That cast list at the end! Holy shit!

11) I like how they had to work really hard to keep Captain Marvel offscreen so she didn’t just meteor Thanos into the ground when he showed up

12) Can we get an undocumented Captain America next??

13) I like that the Infinity Stones are powerful, but costly to use; and that many of the deaths in the previous film weren’t fixable, so that there was a clear cost, and those stakes aren’t retroactively reduced to zero. It’s not really clear why Hulk couldn’t have brought back, say, Vision, given that he died just before the snap and by mundane means, but I’m glad (from a critical standpoint) they didn’t.

14) Pepper in an ironman suit FUCK YEAH

15) “I am inevitable!” “And I am Iron Man.” Great line--great sendoff for the character--and the reversal with Peter watching Tony die instead was friggin’ heartbreaking. They could have plausibly killed Cap, and I don’t think anybody would have been surprised if they’d killed Barton (I think they really wanted it to be ambiguous who would have to die to get the Soul Stone), but it was nice that some characters got their happy retirement.

16) Actually that whole giant fight scene was great. I’m a sucker for huge climactic battles, and the moment where you see Strange’s portal forming and you know the fight wasn’t all in vain, that they actually clawed back their redemption from the abyss, is really really satisfying; the Asgardians and Wakandans and everybody else showing up just looked really fucking cool, and the ensuing battle did not disappoint.

17) Peter’s nanosuit is also hilariously OP though

18) Tessa Thompson on a flying horse with a giant fucking spear HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT

19) Tony/Cap/Thor was a good character triad to build the movie on, given their respective relationships, but I think that shot of all the women together showed the directors were aware that most of the movie wasn’t working with an exactly diverse cast.

20) I like that “just explaining what the fuck is going on like a reasonable person” gets tried at least once during the time travel, and that it works--but Bruce and Tilda Swinton are probably the two most reasonable people in the Marvel universe. (My headcanon is that Tilda Swinton is actually playing herself in all her Marvel appearances.)

All in all, I really liked it. Nothing there for someone who doesn’t enjoy the Marvel movies, but I don’t think anybody who appreciates the underlying premises of big, dumb superhero movies will be disappointed.

[wall-spider-exe]

15 Writing Prompts for When You’re Stuck and Trying Not to Cry:

First post on my shitty page, woo! :D

The title is pretty self-explanatory-- I was trying not to yeet myself off my roof during one of my terrible, headache-inducing creativity dry spell when I decided, “Hey, instead of thinking up a story, write some writing prompts. It’ll help you die slower. :D” And thus, this list of dumb prompts was born.  I’ve italicized ones that I’m going to use personally and maybe post on here just to show people how it turned out. Feel free to give me any pointers or suggestions, if you have them, and if you want to use them, go ahead.

1. A police officer’s normal, everyday shift is interrupted when they receive and order for the entirety of the metropolis’s police department to rush downtown. Upon arriving at the scene, the officer finds themselves confronted by a horrifying sight: giant, animal-like creatures have somehow appeared in the heart of the city, and there is no telling what they plan to do. Fearing the worst, the officer calls their significant other in case they don't return later that night. But as the call goes through, there is an odd sound amidst the chaos. The crowd goes silent. Strange-- the officer knows that sound. That sound is the ringtone their partner had saved for them. What’s even stranger is that the ringtone is coming from one specific creature... and that creature and its companions seem to recognize them.

2. A florist falls in love with the brooding cafe owner next door. They are too shy too tell their feelings upfront, so they communicate in the best way they know how-- through the language of flowers. Unfortunately for them, their caffeine-loving crush has no idea how to speak in the language of the intricately-arranged blossoms. To them, it’s a bit creepy at first, but soon the shop-owner finds themselves falling in love as well... both with their Château de Villandry-esque establishment and their secret admirer. (Kinda stole this from my book of writing prompts lmao.)

3. “The sun blazed down on [his/her/their/its] shoulders, much like it had for many years prior. The expanses of the emerald-colored field stretched like the arms of Jesus in the crucifix over the house’s mantle. [He/She/They/It] were/was ready for the cold, sweating glass of iced tea that momma had made, waiting on the granite slab counters once they walked back inside. But when [he/she/they/it] put [his/her/their/its] hand on the handle to the screen door, something inside of [him/her/them/t] burned. Someone was dying in that house. Someone was dying and [he/she/they/it] knew why. But if [he/she/they/it] tried to speak, that thing was gonna come, and then everyone would be quiet forever.”

4. A half-blooded merchild trying to get a grasp on their powers winds up getting washed down a river, deep into the woods, where they encounter a creature they had never seen before-- a house cat.

5. An internet troll signs up for a dating site and messages a person that they find extremely ugly. They decide to lead them on and proceed to humiliate them just because they can. However, the more the troll speaks to their target, the more they become infatuated with them, and the more they fall in love. (I stole this from Youtube, yes.)

6. “Well well, look what the cat dragged in,” chuckled a child’s [insert older relative here] as the old, fat, family cat sauntered in with its usual “fuck everyone” attitude. But the child looked closer and sees what their cat has dragged in-- a tiny, terrified-looking creature no bigger than a leaf.

7. A vampire, on their way back home after a particularly good night of feeding, crosses paths with a poltergeist. Both the spirit’s appearance and physicality (or what you could assume was their physical body) are quite young, and they are fed up with the last few decades they’ve spent in loneliness when passersby take off in terror at first glance of the spirit. The vampire then, motivated by their already-delightful mood, invites their newfound “friend” to come stay with them a while. No sooner did the pair arrive home did the poor blood-sucker figure out why the poltergeist was killed in the first place.

8. A small group comprised of two different species of extraterrestrials are part of a program of colonizing a newly-discovered terrestrial body. The program was enacted to hopefully strengthen the recently-developed peace between both of species' respective planets, but no one creature in the group can stand the other! I mean, why in the name of Vazoran would you ever use your top upper-right appendage for anything like that?! While surveying one area for habitation, two members of the group (obviously both of different species) are accidentally left behind. Unfortunately for them, their loathing for one another runs deeper than just race-- everything about the other just... ugh! This problem of theirs turns dire when the two realize neither of them has any idea of when the ship is coming back or how to deal with the native inhabitants of the land.

9. “Forgive me if I’ve made a misinterpretation. Oh, I was correct? But why would you have me sprinkle salt everywhere? It stings.”

10. A centauress, bored of her lazy days spent rolling around in the grass and eating and drinking and having to spectate on her older brothers’ training sessions, sets out for real fun and adventure, only to find herself lost and stuck between a rock and hard face-- literally. (*cough* rock troll thingy cough*)

11. Take a classic fairy tale (try to use the Disney version just to make it dumber/better) and reverse it. Here’s a few choices: Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, The Princess and the Frog, The Little Mermaid, Rapunzel, Thumbelina, The Emperor’s New Clothes, The Brave Little Tailor, etc. Put your own twist on them! Genderbend some characters, insert some new ones, take out some old ones, change some of the characters’ species, go crazy! Go stupid!

12. “Twelve of the names on the list had already been crossed off. ‘Hello? Hey, are you here yet? I can’t see you,’ came the voice of the thirteenth name.”

13. A dangerous supervillian has just announced the launch of their campaign to take over the city and spread their control over the country, then the world. They were counting on the chaos arising from the citizens to achieve said campaign faster. What they weren’t counting on was the city’s superhero, bursting in with their eyes blazing, ready to wreak havoc on the villian's parade.

“Oh for the love of-- goddamn it, babe! Can’t I just succeed in pulling this off at least once without you getting upset when people start losing their shit?”

14. In this world, everyone needs glasses, whether it be to see near and far, see colors, or to see in general. A newlywed couple is celebrating the arrival of their first child. As the child grows, the parents notice something strange-- their baby can see perfectly.

15. “If there was another fight, they’d end up getting shut down, arrested, or killed. And having a hotheaded asshat like [insert name here] around was all that was needed to bring about all three of those results.”

Thanks for taking time to read this dumb post! I hope you find these helpful-- I used a lot of creative brain juice on these. :)

-Wall Spider

[hoodienot]

yA ASKED FOR IT, here’s the basic, sorry mobile user

FIRSTLY THIS IS GONNA BE WRITTEN POORLY YAY AND I’M NOT GONNA FIX IT BECAUSE IM TIRED

Okay so the actual name of the story is Dogs of War: the 3 Domains or short to DOW3D just to clear that shit up because its not just call “dog story lol”

There’s actually a reason they are all dogs instead of like people or something. The species they are is known as Gnolls (pronounce ‘noles’) even though they are technically hyneas in the DnD canon, Gnolls are sometimes depicted as simple “canine” like beast people. Hence dogs (please I made this story during my “sparkledog” phaze on DA sooo yea aint that tragic)

There’s 3 Domains (aka worlds/universe/kingdoms) known as Earth, Heaven and Hell and they are at war with each other, hence the title of the story

Earth is the largest domain that’s inhabited by the Fae (Fairy) Gnolls, they have the ability to control elements (think like avatar the last airbender kind of stuff) and also have “bug like” features, usually its wings, antenna and insect like tails. They tends to be very colorful (there color usually matching their emotion to some degree). 

The Fae live in a medieval like world where its not super technological or scientifically inclined, they rely more on the earth itself and are very respectful of animals, plants and even the grounds/crust of the planet. They worship a goddess simply known as “Mother” who represents the Earth itself and is consider “Mother Nature”.

Heaven is a smaller domain ruled by the Angel Gnolls. They have the ability to control countless energies and sometimes even time and space itself (think like lasers and psychics). They have bird like features usually being the wings and a feathered tail, they also have metallic rings that for on their body and hover just above their head (a halo of course)

The Angels as a very advance sci-fi like society, almost fully automated, they citizen are however very rule-obsessed, and watch as much boundaries as possible to protect them from corruption or violent arising (within their own people).

Hell is a medium sized domain fulled with the Demon Gnolls. They have the ability to control unnatural forces and the minds of others. (just think demons and yea there ya go). They tend to have lizard / dragon like features sporting wings, a long scaly tail and horns.

The Demons don’t really have a society, they are an almost pure anarchy where you take what you and whoever has the most rules everything, outside of that the people basically live like they are in the apocalypse or the wild west, no rules, no consequences, only violence. They do have a “Queen” but that’s just because she’s taken the most shit and has killed anyone who dares challenge her, everyone serves her out of fear.

The whole war thing with the domains started because originally the Gnolls were one race but due to an argument between 2 siblings, their people became divide. One sister (current queen of hell) wanted to do whatever she wanted, One brother (current king of heaven) wanted to keep in line. Some sided with the Queen, others with the King and others didn’t side with either. Each group went their separate ways and grew into the 3 new races but the Queen and King didn’t forget their argument leaving everyone really on edge. No one EXACTLY KNOWS who finally started it but once it started everyone was at each other throats. The war has been going on for almost 500 years.

Due to how much shit that’s happened, the population of the Gnolls is VERY VERY LOW, too many people are dying, either in battle or from being slaughtered during attack of innocence citizens. I don’t imagine there’s many people anymore like probably in the 25000 for each domain max?? 

RANDOM STUFF ABOUT CHARACTERS

Clayton is named after his town, “Claytown” it was a small town by a river hence the name and it was fucking wrecked by angels probably.

Iris’s parents (who are King and Queen of the Faes) are named Queen Aurora and King Solaris

Salem can’t fly so he often turns into mist to float around

Smoking is good for Salem, to him its like “getting a breath of fresh air” because demons live in hell which is full of smoke plus “corrupted” shit is good for demons

Celeste is kinda dumb, very naive and oblivious, doesn’t know what lying is and really doesn’t understand sarcasm, very shelter type

Iris can make a shield made of crystal, she uses it as her main weapon