#people (i'm people) always forget about this instance of will's neck thing i think it's interesting here right after a mike/el/max sequence

[tennesseetrekkie]

Eliot Spencer is Still a Killer

But not a murderer.

I've been thinking this for a while and I think "The Side Job" basically confirmed it.

Killing and murder are two different things, especially to a man like Eliot. He has his own moral code. He will never take another innocent life. NEVER again. But if they deserve it? Maybe so. (Who he is to decide that is an entirely different matter)

Some examples I can think of to support this theory:

"The Wedding Job": Nate asks if he just killed a guy with an appetizer, he replies with "I don't know, maybe." Doesn't seem to bother him at all (kind of freaked Nate out, though!). Never did get confirmation one way or another.

"The Order 23 Job": He shows up outside of that boy's house dressed in all black with his hair tucked into a hat waiting until the boy is clear... I remember reading that the writers didn't mean for it to look like that but, uh, it did.

"The Future Job": Parker asks if they could kill the "psychic", Eliot tells her "yeah, I mean, I could". No big deal. Sure. Wasn't even like a hesitant "but it could compromise my morals!" more like a "just another Tuesday".

"The Carnival Job": "Nate, if I'm engaged..." "Do your worst." They both know what means.

"The Experimental Job": The CIA interrogator who was torturing veterans did not look very lively at the end. Just saying.

"The King George Job": Eliot straight up asks Nate "if I take out Keller how hard would it be get at Moreau?".

"The Big Bang Job": A big deal is made about the gun scene but right before he picks it up he just causally snaps a guy's neck. He also doesn't object to Nate saying he might have to kill Atherton.

"The Rundown Job": Eliot tells Hardison "you get me to him. I get my hands on him and it's done."

Pretty sure there's a couple other instances I'm forgetting but this is a few.

Of course, this is the exception rather than the rule. Generally he won't kill, it's rarely his first choice. I mean, in that last example the tone he used to tell Hardison "it's done" strongly implied killing but when it came down to it he didn't. I don't think the man is bloodthirsty but he makes the hard call sometimes and doesn't let it bother him. This is not a morality I agree with but it certainly makes the character more interesting. (I always wondered how things would've played out had Sophie not been there with Dubenich. Would he have "saved a friend some trouble"?)

I don't think it's in conflict with him not being the same kind of guy anymore either. He's in control now, he never takes an innocent life and he doesn't kill indiscriminately or for fun or pleasure.

"The Side Job" really sort of confirmed it for me because he didn't outright disagree or discourage Parker from killing someone. He'll support her in it. Even against the rest of the team because none of them would understand or support it.

Whether the rest of team knows about Eliot is unclear. He definitely doesn't go around talking about it. He does what needs done and moves on. But I think Nate did. I don't know if he always approved but I think it was an unspoken understanding between them. I think he trusted Eliot enough to kill the right people and not cross the same line as before. I don't think Hardison, Sophie, Harry, or Breanna knows. They have their own innocent views of who Eliot is and what he's done. Partly because they don't want to think about it. I don't think Parker did at first. After running the crew though I suspect she does now. They have the same unspoken understanding as Eliot and Nate did. Because she gets it. The others don't understand because they're different. He's different. She knows and she gets it.

[oddmawd]

Hello!!! I read and ADORED your "The Art of Queen Sacrifice"!! I love the way you write Doflamingo, the way hes possessive but caring and domineering!!! Ugh, I keep re-reading it!!! I've been asking my favorite Doffy authors how they "get in his mind" I guess?? Like how do you write him so correctly and seductively?? Thanks, all the love towards you and your work <3!!!

my dear, my darling, my love, i am so happy you've asked! and also thank you for the love and support, you are AH-MAZING....gonna bust out proper grammar for this badboy btw, hold onto your butts

On the topic of writing seductively:

A lot of people think "foreplay" means physical intimate play prior to penetrative sex, but foreplay starts a lot earlier than that. Foreplay actually starts when you're looking at a person from across the room and feeling a slow, spreading tension begin to burn between you. It starts with teasing. With a heated look. With a whispered promise. With watching someone's hair fall over their neck and becoming preoccupied with the way their pulse beats in their throat. Start thinking of eroticism and seduction long before the characters ever lay hands on each other, and you'll find out seduction happens way before the characters ever hop into bed.

(This got long so I'm putting in a "Read More." Click for more about Doflamingo!)

That's why I personally don't write smut that jumps straight into the action. I'm all about "20,000 words of pining before we hold hands, and now holding hands is enough to make us melt." As a writer, I personally find the payoff more satisfying that way. In The Art of Queen Sacrifice, most of the seducing happens while the characters are completely clothed, standing several feet apart, and are in danger of being discovered at any time. It's not touch that seduces. It's the desire to touch, and the inability to do so, that makes the reader gravitate toward Doffy. Denial is a great way to stoke a fire, I've found, and the mental game of seduction is just as important (if not moreso) than the physical.

In general, seduction in writing is all about sensuality. Some people use "sensuality" as a synonym for "sexual," but "sensuality" just means "gratifying to the senses." Yes, it's often sexual, but try shifting focus strictly from sex. Use descriptive writing of the senses as a seductive tool. What does your character smell, feel, see, hear, touch? How do these things impact the body, the mind, the heart? Unexpectedly sensual things (like catching a hint of your lover's cologne, or seeing sunlight in their hair, or just hearing their voice) can become a springboard for attraction and seduction if played right.

On the topic of writing Doflamingo:

Getting into Doflamingo's brain is, in my mind, all about priorities. Never forget that in the end, Doffy's #1 will always be Doffy. He may hold affection for another, or perhaps even some twisted form of attachment a generous person might call love, but at the end of the day, Doffy's #1 will always be Doffy.

When writing him in a romantic setting, I try to think in transactional terms. He might have affection for someone, but what does HE get out of it? Is their love a means to an end? Does he have a reason beyond affection or lust to keep them around? Exploring those reasons (or lack thereof) is a good way to start exploring his character. I'd love to see a romance where he has no real reason to love someone and still feels like Doffy at heart! The balance seems quite hard.

Each story is unique, and each Doffy romance (whether he's paired with an OC or a canon character) is going to be different depending upon the character traits of his love interest. For instance, I think Doffy would behave differently around someone he perceives as his equal (insofar as anyone CAN be his equal). A fellow Warlord, a noble, a powerful fighter, a regular person...each of these people will have a different dynamic with our favorite Horrible Bird Man. If you're writing one of these archetypes, try thinking about he'd act towards a different archetype, and compare/contrast his behaviors. This might give you a clearer understanding of his behavior towards specific people.

As for writing him "correctly"...I don't know that I write him particularly correctly to be perfectly honest. The Art of Queen Sacrifice is an AU fic, and I think there's a level of...not softness, but at least tenderness toward the reader that I might not use in a strictly canonical depiction of Doflamingo. I think my depiction of him in The Grasp of Gilded Strings is probably more on point, though, and getting inside his head was all about understanding his priorities. The good news is that in fanfic, there's room for different interpretations of a character, and I love seeing how other people handle the Horrible Bird Man in their stories. <3

On the topic of Doflamingo + Seduction

If Doflamingo is seducing a person, he's going to be deliberate about it. I think he'll weaponize sensuality, his station as king/Warlord, and even transactional matters to seduce a person.

If they're attracted to him and he knows it, he'll flaunt his physique and be more touchy. If they're more intellectual, his tactics might become more cerebral to match. If he thinks they'll be receptive to gifts, he'll probably shower them with presents.

But don't assume Doffy automatically knows what these needs are. Take into consideration the wants/needs/tastes of his romantic partner, then ask if Doflamingo knows what these tastes may be. Perhaps he's not aware of them. Perhaps he is. Maybe he makes a mistake and has to course correct. But Doffy is smart, and I think seduction, for him, crosses the border into outright manipulation quite often.

After all, Doffy is Doffy's #1. What he wants, he WILL get. And I don't think he's beyond lying, manipulating, and taking full advantage of his love interest's weaknesses to seduce them to his side.

This is Doffy, after all. And even on the battlefield of love, I don't think he takes prisoners (or maybe that just makes it more fun for the Horrible Bird Man).

OK THAT'S ENOUGH RANTING FROM ME, THANK YOU FOR THE ASK, YOU ARE AMAZING AND I WISH YOU LUCK IN ALL OF YOUR WRITING ENDEAVORS! TYSM ILYYYYYY!!!!!!

[lost-inanotherlife]

I have to ask, what are your thoughts on Jate + Aaron as a family unit? This is personally something that keeps me up at night, and I always hate how little attention the writers pay to the fact that these two nut-jobs were essentially raising a CHILD together for three whole years. Like, they kidnapped a baby and parent it. They were there for his first words, and his first steps. For his birthdays, for Mother’s Day, etc. Aaron asked about Jack months after the break up. Jate were gonna get MARRIED and maybe have at least one more baby (a daughter would’ve saved Jack for sure). What the actual fuck.

I feel the same. You see, the thing about canon S4 Jate + Aaron is that... they made sense. Like, usually in TV series the introduction of a child into a (potential or established) couple is a source of disruption of the status quo. With Jate it's the other way around because it's not Aaron who's introduced into the couple, it's actually Jack who must "adjust" to Kate and Aaron's lives. Also from a character pov, both off-island Kate and Jack were written in a way that made sense within the framework of their already established characters and the way they interacted with each other. They're awkward around each other, they lust after each other, they crave the other's approval, attention and company. Basically, off-island Jate are the same as on-island Jate and that was cool. S4 Jate + Aaron had so much potential, it would've been so COOL to explore their inner dynamics because, let's never forget it, these characters have IssuesTM. You throw a BABY into the mix and everything is bound to explode.

And, in a way, this is exactly what happened. But, like, it's not satisfying to me, personally. It's not just that I wanted "more", it's that there are three major things that I find "annoying":

1. Aaron isn't treated as a character but more like a prop, let's be real. I always say this but TV writers can rarely write children, and I mean this in the sense that they don't care about the child being, you know a whole character, because the child always has to mean something else. So I have to imagine, because you don't show it to me, that Jack, Kate and Aaron are a family for almost three years (they both see this baby grow up and talk and play and generally starting to live life), but I also have to believe that this doesn't actually mean anything much, that Jack can literally up and leave and be okay with Kate asking him not to ask about Aaron (his son/nephew) again. Like, WTF? And this brings me to number 2...

2. the way addiction/suicide is portrayed in the show. I've written something about it which I'll try to find and link later but like, I'm not a fan of that. Like, again, on one hand it's good because I understand semiotics so I know a little about interpreting stuff. On the other hand, showing a character isolating himself and getting in and out severe episodes of major depressive disorder like it's no big deal feels very reductive. And it's also surprising because I know that Lindelof, for instance, has struggled with depression so I'm sure the writers knew they were ruling out the possibility to write a deeper story for the "greater good" of the show. And this leads me to number 3...

3. LOST is a sci-fi adventure drama for network TV. I can't ever forget its genre and its format or I'll just be disappointed. LOST is a fantastic TV show, one of the greatest imo, and I think it was genre and TV redefining material but they objectively had, like, a dozen of characters and a very complex plot to carry on (not to mention the network and the people breathing down the writers' neck to deliver something truly spectacular). The thing I love about this show is that it gives me so MANY dots to connect and so MANY blanks to fill in, so to speak, but that's also very annoying because it means EYE know how even BETTER the show could've been.

So canon Jate + Aaron are what they are and there isn't much I can do about it. What EYE can do is imagining what they would've beeen like. I don't believe Kate one second when she says that Jack is "a natural" with kids (GIIIIIIIIRL). I also think that she herself is not one (provided that such a thing even exists) but she's definitely more willing to give it a try because she has a bond with the baby and because Kate likes to take care of people. I'm not saying she's always GOOD at taking care of people, but she does like it and therefore she tries, okay? Give that girl a break.

I am, however, convinced that Jack is One of Those Parents who rushes to th hospital if the baby has a fever or something and I'm sure that one time Aaron fell from his high chair and Jack took it his hospital so fast they almost had a car accident and Kate was LIVID about the whole thing. It was, of course, all for nothing but this is how Jack shows he cares about people. By checking their vitals, lol.

I think Kate and Jack have a very normal-looking domestic life mainly because I don't think they spend much time at home at all. I don't really know why but I picture them spending a lot of time in Kate's car. Kate drives, obviously. They definitely had sex in Jack's car and it was mid-to-bad sex but at least they had something to laugh about after. I think they both celebrate Aaron's birthday religiously and they really try to make sure it's a good day for the kid but, every year on that day, they're very tense around each other and inevitably end up arguing in their bedroom at night and then proceed to have an awful rest of the week because of it.

Then there's the whole "Kate sort of married her own father while becoming both her mother and her other father (Sam)" angle to explore, which is so insanely good I can't go there now or this psot will never end, lol. Eventually, if they hadn't left for the island, Kate and Jack would have divorced and Aaron would've become antagonistic towards Jack, FOR SURE. What's more, Kate and Jack would have been One of Those Couples that keep seeing each other after the divorce and that can't find another partner since but can't move on from each other either. Aaron, obvi, wouldn't have the tools to understand their level of toxicity and I can see Jack saying "you'll understand when you're older" which would piss off Aaron even more.

[silvershadow1711]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: authors who do not understand, nor have any desire to learn about oppression STOP USING OPPRESSION AS A BACKDROP FOR YOUR STORIES!! Stop using the experiences of real people as set dressing! Stop pretending that systematic issues like racism and poverty are the result of a few "bad apples"! And for the love of all things good and holy, stop putting the onus for change on the victims of oppression! Stop introducing bigger threats and making the oppressed sacrifice themselves to save the ungrateful lives of their oppressors! Stop making people who are dissatisfied living with a boot on their necks the villians while giving actual fucking facists redemtion that they 100% did not earn!

(And I'm not saying bad people can't be redeemed; I'm talking about specific instances where a character spent the entire story doing horrible things, then did one thing right at the end- not because they saw the error of their ways but because the bigger villian was now threatening them/their loved ones- and the story acts like they were a wonderful person and we should all feel sad for their tragic sacrifice FUCK. OFF.)

I'm not someone who doesn't think real-world problems should be included in fiction because "waaah! I read to forget about real life!" Not even slightly. I love it when stories include the horrors of the real world... when they're treated with understanding. And that goes both ways, because when you make every single person in your setting cartoonishly bigotted and don't show anyone naturally oposing that, that also tells me that you don't have even a baseline understanding of how humanity functions. There have always, and will always, be people who opose and stand up to hate, and saying "well, not in my setting" just tells me you're too lazy to create a multi-faceted setting.

You don't have to include a map of trans-oceanic slave routes in your prologue, but maybe, like... crack open a history book and realize that oppression IS, in fact, built into systems as a feature not a bug to keep rich and powerful people rich and in power and not the result of one person deciding that they hate (insert minority here).

“Be curious about what you’re writing about” is not stock Common Writing Advice but it really, really should be. There are a lot of written works that fail due to the authors just being obviously incurious about what they are writing about.

[piercingbloodlust]

/personal

that post I reblogged to my main blog about unlearning shame got me thinking last night...

I have carried a lifetime of shame and guilt, and I guess disgust, as well, regarding sex and sexuality and my body, that has been a slow process to shed away.

I got my first period when I was 13 and I was so scared to tell my mom that I lied to her when she saw bloody tissues in the trash. That was probably the first instance of "I'm no longer a kid anymore" and that was scary to me.

Those early teen years were rough because everyone at that age is going through puberty and starting to explore their sexuality for the first time. One time, a couple who was very handsy in public came to school one day with hickeys on their necks, and the adult staff were so scandalized by it, that they had them put on detention, and it was all anyone could talk about for a few days. And that horrified reaction by the adults at school really made me believe that PDA was the worst possible thing you can do as a couple. Although, that wouldn't be a problem for me because I didn't date anyone in middle school.

Both of my closest friends had boyfriends at the time and I didn't. I was the person that boys would only talk to and ask if they could copy my homework because I was one of the smartest kids in school. Even worse, some boys even came up to me to ask if I could give my friends' phone numbers to them, instead of asking them directly (and it was always the ugliest boys who would do this). So, I had to wonder what it was about me that made me so unattractive to the boys, and my immediate response was because I was fat. One of our classmates even came up to me and another friend of mine, while we were still in class, just to say "you're all ugly, fat, hairy Mexicans" and pointed towards a group of girls that he said we're prettier than us. Why did a stupid comment from an ugly boy in my seventh grade class affect me so much that I still think about it to this day? I hated my fat hairy body so much from that point on.

At the same time, I was going through another crisis where I looked at girls in both envy and admiration. I denied a big part of myself because I envied the pretty girls who always got attention from boys, while also secretly wondering why I thought they were pretty and why was I looking at girls the same way that I look at boys. I hated girly things like the color pink and makeup, and I even called myself a tomboy. For years, I called it my combined internalized misogyny and homophobia era, but now I'm not sure if those are the appropriate terms to call what I experienced.

Regardless, at the time I just thought that it was only appropriate to think about boys and forget about the possibility that I might like girls, too. And it stayed like that until I got until high school, and dating and sex were more prevalent and discussed amongst my peers. I thought a new environment with new people and a new look could give me a fresh start, but it was just more of the same, and it really killed my self esteem and my confidence plummeted.

This was also around the time I accidentally discovered porn, and that was a game changer in the worst way. (I also discovered smut fics at 16 and would stay up late to read them in secret.) Why did I first learn about sex through porn, and not through sex ed at school (bc it didn't exist) or through my parents? I think my parents just assumed that because I was a smart kid that I must have learned about sex through school or some other means, and never gave me The Talk. So, looking back, that may have been the reason why I've always been scared and disgusted to confront my parents about anything remotely sexual, or even about dating. If we were watching a movie or something and they started having sex on screen, I would immediately walk away and pretend like I didn't see anything. If there were kids at school making out or if they showed too much skin, I would be secretly judging them but also be envious, wishing that was me who had someone to kiss or wishing I had the confidence to love my fat body and dress in a way that I liked.

When I got into uni, I finally started to explore myself more. After all, people always say that your college years are for experimentation, and well I took advantage of that. Now that I was an adult and would be away from my parents more, I opened myself up more and learned about so many things, and not just sex or dating related, just about people in general. It's a lot harder to be scared and feel ashamed of yourself when you're just one person out of thousands and thousands of people on campus. I loved uni; people were so open minded and nonjudgmental, you could even come to class wearing pajamas or cosplay and no one would say a thing. Just a regular day at uni.

And because I was exploring myself, I learned about asexuality, and during that time, I felt like finally, something that represents me! But that was just a sneaky excuse I gave to myself so that I wouldn't feel ashamed. "Oh, I actually don't experience sexual attraction, none of that was real, it's all physical attraction. And I especially don't find women attractive in any way."

I'm thankful to have learned about asexuality, and I'm sure it's been helpful for so many people across their own journey to find an appropriate way to label themselves, but looking back now, it just wasn't me. Or maybe it was, but now I'm in the next step of my journey of self discovery that feels more authentic to me.

I was also diagnosed with PCOS around this time, after so many years of irregular or absent periods and hair loss and other symptoms that were ignored, and that was such a relief. I used to take birth control pills, and that was fun for a while, it have me monthly periods and decreased hair loss, but it also raised my blood pressure, so I stopped talking it. I took my pap test recently and my gyno gave me progesterone pills to help give me a period because if your body doesn't shed the uterine lining at least 4 times a year, there may be something else going on. Otherwise, I'm good for now.

Not gonna lie, I did find a few of my professors (all of whom were male) attractive, and one in particular who I fantasized about like in those smutty fanfics I was reading.

Still, even after all that, after losing my virginity, after what I thought was a taste of freedom, I felt ashamed, I was disgusted with myself.

It wasn't until just a couple of years ago that I finally put a label to myself that feels more real to me. I stopped calling myself asexual and I started using the bi label because yes, I'm attracted to pretty much everyone regardless of gender. Now, I have tossed around the idea of calling myself pansexual, but honestly I like the bi flag better and both have a lot of overlap. Or am I getting this wrong and I'm just being petty because I don't like the colors of the pan flag?

Anyway, all this to say that I'm currently in a place where I'm more comfortable with myself than I have ever been, in my sexuality and in my body, but it's still been hard to unlearn years and years of shame and guilt and repression.

I still don't like to talk about sex or dating with anyone who isn't my friend, whether online or irl, and especially not with my parents or relatives. Since I'm the only woman of my generation besides my older sister (I have all male cousins and brothers), I frequently get asked when I'm gonna have kids. I don't even want to get married, although because of the record of failed marriages and relationships that exist in my family, they happen to be more lenient on marriage. But I should have at least one kid (but that's a while different conversation).

I'm also not gonna come out to anyone irl any time soon, although my bestie kinda knows, and I also suspect that my mom knows and has been throwing hints at me that she would be okay with it, but the fact that she also wants grandchildren is a sign to me that "you can be gay if you want, just have a kid first." eye roll

Well, I'm still finding things out about myself, for example, that I most likely have a sensory deprivation kink. And oughhh, kinks and fetishes are somethings I haven't given much thought too or explored too much for myself, but I'm open to learning about, if only in an academic way and not in practice.

I do sometimes think my irl and fictional tastes are too vanilla or tame and I'm not as freaky as I think I am, compared to others, but this is what I'm comfortable with for now, and I just hope that my boundaries continue to be respected, here and irl. The fact that it took me just until a couple of weeks ago to create this NSFW side blog, after many years of being on this webbed site, says a lot.

This is all for now. IDK if anyone read this, but hi and thanks and hopefully this stays private. This is probably the only personal post I'll make on this blog, but it's more than enough information about me, so yeah.

[rosesloveletters]

Teacup ☕️

Lipstick stain 💋

Cosmic ✨

Wistful 🫧

Love Letter 💌

Lace☁️

All for Wonka💕

Thank you for asking so many lovely questions, dear anon!

teacup ౨ৎ are the two of you morning people or night owls?

Wonka is a morning person, I am a night owl.

With that said, Wonka's sleep schedule, or lack thereof, doesn't quite lend itself to him being either.

He is almost always out of bed at dawn, unless he climbed into bed in the wee hours of the morning, perhaps at my own coaxing because his inventions will still be there when he wakes. I know how creativity works and therefore I cannot force him to walk away from inspiration, no matter what time it strikes, though I do believe he should get a good night's sleep and fortunately, he almost always agrees with me on that.

For me, on the other hand, I cannot sleep until at least midnight or later and I detest waking up early.

Wonka never makes me feel guilty of my body's natural routine and schedule; if I'm tired, he lets me sleep.

lipstick stain ౨ৎ where do you love to kiss them? where do they love to kiss you?

I love to kiss Wonka's forehead, his nose and his neck.

He loves to kiss my cheek and the back of my hand.

cosmic ౨ৎ who said i love you first? and how did that go?

I don't really remember an instance in which either of us dramatically confessed our love. It was very casual and gentle, yet familiar, like that of sinking into a warm bath.

I don't think either of us needed to say it, even though we both often do.

Our relationship was a long time coming; our hearts knew that they needed each other's before we ever did.

wistful ౨ৎ what’s your sex life like?

Wonka and I both exist on the asexual spectrum, so what exists of our sex life is very infrequent, mild or vanilla I suppose is the term commonly used.

He is primarily the one who initiates, as he experiences sexual desire and attraction a bit more than I do.

Neither of us think about sex very much at all.

We are the type to both forget about it and carry on until one of us mentions that it has been a while or how long it feels like it's been since the last time and those types of comments and reflection will often lead to sex.

For both of us, sex is about physical intimacy and connection and when either of us want to be closer to the other, we will occasionally choose to have sex.

love letter ౨ৎ what are your love languages? and how do the two of you execute them?

my love languages are physical touch, gift-giving and quality time.

Wonka's love languages are quality time, acts of service and physical touch.

We spend a lot of time giving each other gentle touches: a hand on the other's back, holding hands, chaste kisses, hugs, cuddles, etc.

Wonka will let me sit on his lap as often as I'd like and will happily hold me as often as I'll let him.

I love to play with his hair, give him head massages or rub his back.

A lot of the time, we simply like to just exist in each other's company, even if we aren't talking or participating in the same activity. It is comforting to be able to sit in silence or do our own thing, yet still be aware that the other person is close and both are comfortable and enjoying their own time.

Wonka does so much for me: makes meals for me, helps me clean and all in all finds little ways to make life easier on me by helping with anything that he can.

I like to bring him gifts quite often. if I'm out shopping and see something I think he would like, I will immediately buy it and surprise him with it.

lace ౨ৎ what’s their favorite outfit of yours?

He adores my dresses.

I only wear delicate florals for my dresses, reminiscent of his vest.

He thinks that blue looks best on me; I couldn't agree more, if only because it is the color of his eyes.

questions sourced from kentoangel's little selfship ask game

[mikesbasementbeets]

scene #958474334 that continues to drive me insane

[elainsgarden]

Do you think it's okay for people to hate Elain?

Here's the thing, *cracks knuckles* some people are always going to hate characters. Even the most beloved character will have some haters because that's just human nature. However, I 110% believe that 99.9% of the hate that Elain Archeron gets is unjustified.

We've all seen the screenshots and hate tweets that she receives on the regular, but even just the most random comments about why people hate her are unfair. From something as simple as, "the Inner Circle didn't blame her like they did Nesta" so we're blaming Elain for that and not them? When Elain herself is the one who said "I'm to blame too not just Nesta for not doing more for Feyre."

"She's just boring I hate her."

Now...this one is hard to dispute because if you find a character boring that's on you and I can't argue that. But what I will argue is that I've never had a character that I find boring that I spend so much time talking about or hating. If I find a character boring, I simply forget about them or don't even care to talk/argue about them at all...because they're boring. I do like to discuss characters that are horrible people or ones I love, but never ones I simply find boring. I think many also find her “boring” because she’s not a warrior like many of the SJM females. She likes to do girly things, bake and garden and not engage in battle and training. And that’s OK. Women in the fantasy genre in general are usually treated terribly by fandom and it’s sad to see. And adding to this, SJM has purposely given Elain an arc and story about her playing a part because she thinks that's what's expected of her. Rhys himself addressed this in the Feysand bonus chapter:

"She's mean to my favorite ginger Lucien"

Now THIS one gets me heated. Never should a female character be judged on if she's uncomfortable or wants to be around around a male character. She's been polite when she had to be but she clearly does not want to be around him at this time. Now maybe you can find an argument that, "why doesn't she just tell him no" why should a woman have to? Lucien himself knows Elain doesn't wanna be around him, so fandom should respect that. Elain was thrust into this world of fae customs and beliefs and is still very much mourning her human life. She doesn't want a mate. We also know that Lucien is very much connected to her trauma of being made against her will. Did he know any of that was gonna happen? No, but regardless he's a part of it. I don't vilify Lucien for wanting a mate and mourning that Elain might not want him the way he does, but we can't blame Elain for not being more forward when Lucien himself hasn't confronted the situation either. He has to understand she's mourning her fiancee and is not interested. Let's stop blaming the women in these instances. Sarah is clearly saving this drama for Elain's book. It's all been set up. And btw, she isn't mean. She's been polite, but again she's not comfortable around him and what "mates" are in this world. I remember seeing Mor vilified for not being more open to Azriel or "stringing him along" and that pissed me off too. I will always stand by women. These men are hundreds of years old, they can read signals and tell when a woman isn't into it.

"She didn't fight for Nesta the way Nesta did for her"

Elain quite literally got over her fears of battle and bloodshed and stabbed the king in the neck right before he was about to kill Nesta and Cassian both. If that's not the biggest showing of love from Elain for Nesta then I don't know what is. I think fandom quite often forgets that Elain is still very much traumatized like Nesta as well. Nesta's trauma is manifesting as drinking and sleeping around and lashing out, Elain's is retreating into herself and pretending that everything is fine. Fandom wants to blame Elain for Nesta's inner thoughts and self doubts in ACOSF when Elain DID try but she was pushed away repeatedly by Nesta. Why are we blaming Elain for that? You can only take people yelling at you for so long before you take the hint and stay away.

In conclusion, Elain Archeron is a good person, a good character with so much room for potential, and so much more than shipper bias and hate. I eagerly await her story and journey and the people that hate her are gonna do so regardless, but I’m happy to know that they’re being silly and mostly misogynistic the entire time they’re doing it. 

[theomnicode]

Emotional loneliness & the subconscious

One thing we must never forget with Genos.

He will always pay back with dividends whatever action has been taken against him. Be it with hatred, revenge or with his utmost loyalty, support and love.

Maksaa kalavelat takaisin potut pottuina.

(Potut means potatoes, potut pottuina means with equal measure) (Kala means fish, velat means debt, kalavelka means grudge borne from unfair treatment)

So because Saitama lovebombed Genos with the divine power core, Genos will pay it back hundredfold. He's just that kind of guy, prone to extremes.

Just surely as the moon orbits around the earth, does the earth orbit around the sun, it's the universal law that Genos cares for Saitama. You'd have to erase his personality and himself entirely for this to not be true. And man, do the forces that be, try to do exactly that. It's like he can tip the scales of justice in his favour, a balance breaker in this regard.

So, the time to perform is night because OPM God is practically breathing down on everyone's necks and surveying the battlefield from below and above this time around and he wants to wring out some riffraff.

There is very much plenty hints, the chapters are throwing an overabundance of clues around. The amount of subliminal hints, metaphors, allegories, idioms, visual cues, wordplay, etc. is extremely staggering and it's done on purpose to appeal on subconscious level. Murata-sensei and ONE throwing all eggs into the basket for a homerun.

I feel like I'm constantly becoming big brained by looking at new chapters and making all these possible connections with my brain and trying to predict future outcomes lol.

It's like blaring warning sirens if you're suddenly aware of it.

There are many things one can start to predict in OPM. So OPM God can play chessmaster with everyone's emotions as the puppet master he is and get desired results.

But there is...one person that is completely utterly unpredictable...and that person is Genos. Nobody can completely understand Genos and his line of thinking.

Nobody knows what the fuck Genos is doing right now, for instance. We can only make educated guesses.

Except for one thing: he can't turn away from justice. Because he loves people too much. An emotional vulnerability that can and will be exploited. One he is not personally logically seeing.

Large amount of monsters are being released in an area with lots of civilians and being actually called on duty? Trust Genos to race to the scene, no matter what.

And in this it is also a race against time, who can seal the deal with who first. Who can emotionally connect with who first with their emotional loneliness.

Because everyone in this small area, are probably Super Empaths, also known as Heyoka Empath and emotionally lonely in their own ways. They keenly feel when others feel and bleed when others bleed and they can't turn this off. Emotional wounds bleed heavily.

And once you make a deal with OPM God, the God of Death or enroach upon his territory within the preternatural spiritualism, you aren't running away that easily. 4 people in the area are practically glowing with divine power.

What it means is becoming immortal and spending the eternity with this guy. Dead or alive. Sorry Future Garou, your sacrifice was most valiant. OPM God rewrote the script for that, because he did not want Saitama to give Garou therapy and emotionally connect via that, since Garou would've ended up just ranting about everything and confessing everything.

(Also denotes quite a bit about that there will be rivalries between individuals) (Cough death note) (Nice Ninja village leader and Blast ref here)

Like a jealous lover, it wants all the pieces to himself. Probably for some eternity in torture kind of thing. Oh and Genos and Bang have to die, naturally.

So yea, the dimple reference would match, just wants some company because it's alone in the dark...but actually horrifying af. Eternity in pure despair ay...

(I'm so sorry Homeless Emperor, Orochi...)

There is one thing that Saitama is vulnerable to, it's his emotional loneliness. Trying to become a hero to find some kind of intimate emotional connection with a person with similar values.

A heart displaced is a heart swayed.

The choice Genos can make where he chooses to place his heart into, will make it complete or shred it to pieces. The twilight zone between night and new dawn of day is still up. In the front is the sun of the new horizons and behind...the shadow of the looming death, The torii gate.

This race is also portrayed in the OPM ED1.

A race for Genos to connect with Saitama's heart first with his love, before anyone else does and doing so would protect him as well, because they are safeguards to each other's hearts. Monsters outside and inside exploit the desire for kindness, compassion, love and other emotions and when the heart is full, that's when the monsters can no longer find footing.

In short, Genos has to show that he absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, loves him whole-heartedly and confess. So Saitama can show his own vulnerability, his weaknesses like his suicidal ideation and make him strong enough to withstand emotional manipulation and exploitation that OPM God will do, is doing, to him. And in turn, his heart will also find it's home in Genos.

Cuz, Saitama is playing chicken with his own emotional blind spots. They will soon catch up to him and everyone else. Insecurities, unreliability, immaturity, self-confidence, anger, feeling weak...maybe even rebirth.

Saitama just does not have the guts to confess yet himself, he's far from certain about what he actualy feels since INFJ are slow and steady like the turtles racing against the rabbit in love business...but time is running out too fast to actually wait for the turtle to win the race because the rabbit fell asleep.

Dawn of the Last day, 24 hours remaining.

Saitama would just chicken out. Like bugs bunny under the rock face. Get second thoughts from not being absolutely certain that his emotions are reciprocated and shy away with his insecurities.

Saitama has a bucket list to go with him, so there's that.

jänistää (jänis = bunny) (jänistää = chicken out and run away)

livistää arkuuttaan (chicken out and run away due to shyness)

luopua aikomuksestaan uhkaa koettuaan (give up on doing something due to a perceived threat)

(Ah the Tanabata)

You can see the deformity in Saitama's eyes when he goads Garou into trying to hit him by appearing vulnerable while looking at him directly in the eye and seeing a glimpse of his soul. I don't think he likes that at all, since he's not the violent sort.

And oh, does this paint a clear metaphor, about what else can be found from the blind spot, upon the forehead, if he were to delve far too deep into the rabbit hole of his own psyche.

No wonder he's uncertain about Genos. There's definitely some kind of preternatural phobia or something involved. About the third eye/mind's eye. Definitely eldritch.

(Think Shimazaki from Mob psycho)

--

So, how does one Seal the deal with a God anyway?

A gesture in agreement, probably a hand gesture (since spiritual people seem to be doing that a lot) but also a sentiment with emotional attachment to that specific emotion, I would say. And wholeheartedly agreeing with the sentiment.

Genos already made a deal with a god by becoming his disciple and got an impartation of power; access to Saitama's emotional strenght via his empathy.

To seal the deal completely?

I mean, what else can it be but a kiss on the lips and a love confession from this utterly infatuated idiot.

To wake up the sleeping beauty like in the fairy tales. How romantic to soulbound with someone for all eternity. And cursed when their fates get twisted and they never find each other. Romantic tragedy, Romeo and Juliet.

I say idiot fondly because it's exactly what he would want right now, but Saitama is not ready if he were to get a sudden influx of feedback loop of emotions. He would not know where he begins and Genos ends, like two people living under the same egghead, if he hasn't build up some mental walls first. Individualization would be almost impossible. The shadow snuck too close for comfort.

If Saitama the antenna, that makes Genos the wi-fi signal. As in the mural.

Oh and Genos is definitely not ready yet either, he needs more mental strenght first to handle it. Saitama's emotions, his divine power, are strong af. He would probably explode.

I can predict about as far as Genos arriving to the scene...but it remains to be seen what kind of actions he will take.

He will probably end up doing something stupid or crazy though. But he will have to, to flip the webcomic script on it's head.

That will determine their fates. Because Saitama will need affirmation that he's not going to be left in emotionally lonely hell when the time comes. And neither will Genos, because Saitama would not allow it.

Clear skies, full hearts, can't lose.

(The most hilarious and unpredictable thing would be for the romantic comedy to begin and Saitama and Genos make out in the base, in front of everyone else without any inhibitions, because Genos has the unholy hots for sensei and by sealing the deal, have this feedback loop.)

(Saitama would totally fall for Genos and even cosplay villain mafia boss if he had to and become anything at all for Genos.)

(ONE gonna go "Keep the change you filthy animals." when he feeds the shippers. But also because he's the biggest troll and it would be fucking funny to see the oldest joke in the series utterly dismantled and watch the fireworks.)

(Looks quite a bit to me that you're swinging that way indeed and walking in tandem. I don't believe that horsecrap saitama lol, nobody does)

(Tbh those also look like socks and or heels to me...Saitama & socks = sensuality and heels would def be sexuality.)

(Hehe Genos fighting for his love against opm god because Saitama is the rose bride from utena ahahaha, that would be some tug of war)

(Funeral suspenders btw)

[kursed-curtain]

Metamorphosis

A Changeling!Alexander fic

CW: Alexander Trauma, the usual, and thankfully lots of fluff afterwards

~=~

"Hey, what's that?"

Alexander flinched. His appearance shifted into Rosella in less than an instant. "What's what?" He asked, his face like stone.

Rosella gestured towards Alexander's neck, which was now pristine. "There was something there, but it's only on your changeling form," She said, "Can you… Are you comfortable with showing it to me?"

Alexander pulled up his legs onto the bed and curled up. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

"That's alright! Take your time, you can talk about it if and when you're ready," Rosella smiled. Alexander took a moment, then shifted into his most comfortable form – He had decided on taking on the form of the young Sir Graham, since that would make them look related, and he wanted to try out this 'son' thing.

Rosella beamed, kicking her legs. "Oh, you're always so good at that!"

"Good at… what?"

"Shifting appearances!"

"Oh. Huh…" Alexander's gaze fell to the floor. "I was told… I just… thought that changing appearance was a natural thing for a mon- changeling," he shrugged. "I didn't think it was really a skill."

"Well, yeah it's a thing changelings are born with, but it takes a lot of practice to morph so smoothly!" Rosella snorted at her own thoughts. "For instance, dad always changes in chunks, and sometimes he gets all invested in a conversation that he forgets he's supposed to be keeping up a disguise. Once, he started turning into one of the nobles he was negotiating with, and it took him five tries to get back to his usual disguise!"

Alexander hummed in intrigue. "I'm surprised he didn't get yelled at by anyone. Or angrily mobbed."

Rosella giggled, "People have known that Dad is a changeling for a while. For the people who didn't know beforehand, though, it's a surprise! I love seeing their reactions."

Alexander hugged his knees. "There are people who know and are just… fine with it?"

"Yeah! Dad basically taught Mom, his close friends, and I about why he does certain things so we don't get confused. Sure, changelings aren't common here, but changelings are people."

"...Changelings are people…" Alexander mumbled.

"So, y'know, you don't really have to look like Dad to be his son. Dad's a changeling too."

Alexander relaxed, but then tensed up even more. "Can I… just stay like this? I don't really want to change right now."

Disappointed her advances had failed, but still wanting to be supportive, Rosella gave a slight smile. "Sure."

Alexander, in her young dad's face, curled up even further. He croaked out, "I'm… sorry." He frantically wiped his eyes. Rosella handed him her handkerchief and he took it without question. "I've always been forced to look like other people, so I could be more useful," Alexander sniffled, "I didn't get let outside often, so for the few times I could, I had to impersonate influential people for the most benefit. I'm not the best with impressions, though."

Rosella stayed quiet but half-intrigued – only half, as not to scare him with wide eyes. He hadn't talked much about what it was like before his escape.

"The first time I realized I could shapeshift, I turned into a character from a book I was reading." Alexander morphed into an older man, with dark hair lined with gray streaks, and tempered eyes. "Turns out I… struck a nerve with Him. I think I looked too much like someone He hated. So He struck my uh…" the disguise faded slightly, so Rosella could see to his changeling neck and get a look at the scar.

Alexander turned back into his comfortable form, rubbing his arms as if spiders had crawled down them. "I'm supposed to be some kind of monster. That's what they told me when they had to give the blame to someone. Monsters get locked away, so they don't scare people with how ugly and inept they are."

"You are not ugly or inept." Rosella had to jump in. She was practically gritting her teeth by now. "What they told you was a horrible, horrible lie to make you feel powerless to escape."

Alexander nodded. "I'm starting to get that. It's just hard… making your statement sound true. It sounds like a lie, but I know it's not. But I don't… believe it."

"You just have to keep repeating it to yourself. Think about how they would repeat that you're a monster. You have to repeat the real truth as many times as they told you lies. Maybe even more times than that!" Rosella pumped her fists. "Say it with me: I am smart enough, strong enough, and my looks are enough for me."

Alexander grimaced at the idea. He still tried, though. "I'm smart enough, strong enough, and my looks are enough for me?" He said, with the fervor of a rock.

"You have to say it like you mean it!"

With more firmness, he said, "I'm smart enough, strong enough, and my looks are enough for me."

"Give me all you've got!"

"I'm smart enough, strong enough," He took a deep breath, and let it all out, "And I look amazing!"

"Yeah you are!!" Rosella kicked her feet and pumped her fists into the air.

Alexander felt breathless. "Hope you don't mind that I changed up the wording."

"Of course! They're your thoughts, after all." She giggled. "I can't change them."

Alexander chuckled a little too. He sighed. "Even though I'm more confident now, I can still stay like this, right?" He pointed at his face, looking like their dad's.

"Go for it. I'm not gonna tell you who to be."

[let-them-read-fics]

Blackpink HC / One Shots: Enemies to Lovers, College AU (2/2)

Requested: Yes

Warnings / Misc. -- Bickering, Rivalry, Fluff

A/N: Hey everyone! This is the second half of the request, featuring Rosé and Lisa. If you want to see the first part, with Jisoo and Jennie, click the link below. I hope you enjoy!

Click for Jisoo and Jennie

♡ Happy Reading ♡

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Rosé

Park Chaeyoung: The girl who hung with the wrong crowd.

Your problem lied more so with the people she associated with than her herself. You couldn't wrap your head around why such a kind person like her would spend time with the class clowns and bullies, and to make matters worse, she would stick up for them as well.

She spent most of her days in either the art or music room, creating the masterpieces that her brain came up with.

But as soon as school was over, she'd be hanging out with them again and getting into trouble. For instance, because of her talents, they would invite her to go with them and graffiti various hot spots around town. She never vandalized any monuments or landmarks of importance -- she typically stuck to bridges or abandoned buildings -- but after getting caught with them multiple times, it was inevitable for her to be held accountable.

She was given a week's detention to make up for her actions

You, coincidentally, had a teacher that absolutely loathed you for no reason at all. No matter how good of a student you were for him, he didn't care; he had a vendetta against you for some reason, and he patiently waited for the opportunity to ruin your day.

You came in literally 10 seconds after the bell rang, putting the breakfast sandwich you stopped to get on the way into your mouth so you could open the door. He was standing at the front with a smug grin on his face, and you already knew what was coming.

You were also given an ungodly sentence of a week's detention.

Turning Point

"If I see you on your phones, I'm taking them." The monitor informs before sitting at the desk, reclining in the chair and putting his feet up soon after. You sigh and lean back in your seat, attempting to find a way to pass the next two hours without getting in trouble. Your eyes scan across the room, eventually landing on Rosé, where she sits a couple rows away from you. Sunlight is streaming in through the window next to her, its golden rays peeking through the breaks in the clouds above to shine on her. She looks gorgeous as she doodles away in her notebook, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear when it falls in front of her face.

After waiting on the monitor to fall asleep and sending one last glance to double check, you quietly stand from your seat and go sit next to her.

You barely know each other, but she's your only hope of remaining sane and occupied.

"Hi," you greet, looking into her eyes.

"Hi," she copies, a tiny smile forming on her lips when she notices your impressed expression upon gazing down at her paper. You have to hand it to her -- she's really talented.

"You're really good," you compliment, still admiring the artistry. Seeing as how you're looking down, you fail to notice the blush that works its way to her cheeks. Coming from you, the simple remark meant a lot to her.

You spend the rest of the day making small talk and getting used to one another, leaving detention later with the hopes of sitting together again.

----

The Next Day

"Hi again," you whisper, glancing over your shoulder to ensure that the coast is clear. The monitor is out like a light, with his mouth hanging open and an obnoxiously loud snore coming out.

"Hi," she giggles, watching as you dive into the floor for cover when the man shifts in his sleep. You thought he was waking up, and if he finds out you moved seats, he'll definitely have something to say about it.

"The coast is clear, cadet," she nods like a soldier, assuring you that it's okay to move back after a minute.

"That was close," you breathe out in relief, glad to live to see another day.

You share a laugh, though it has to be hidden behind your hands and kept a minimum. It's cute though -- like a little secret between the two of you, only for you to know.

"What're you drawing today?" You ask later, laying your chin in your palm as you gaze down at her work. Her reply comes out stuttered at first when she feels your leg innocently brush against hers under the table.

"D-dalgom. My friend's dog." She manages out, mentally smacking herself for looking like a fool.

You smile, thinking she's adorable. "I bet it'll be great," you encourage. She grins back as her eyes scan over your face, committing the memory of you to heart. She's always had a thing for you, ever since the time you were paired up in Biology last semester, so she's been enjoying detention more than she thought she would. Seeing you makes the time go by faster, though ironically, she wishes it would slow down a bit.

You make her feel appreciated for more than just what she's capable of producing, and the divide between you and her friend group is blaringly obvious. They like her because of the rush she can help them achieve; you like her because of her.

That thought persists in her mind for the rest of detention, and before she knows it, the monitor is releasing you again. She bends down to put her notebook in her bag when a thought pops into her mind: she wants to ask if you want to go to the park with her. When she's done zipping her bag up, she looks back up at you, only to find you on your phone, talking to someone.

"Yeah, mom. I'll stop by on the way home. So milk, cereal, ramen, and paper towels, right?"

She watches as you wait for a reply, tucking the phone into the crook of your neck as you move to write the list down on a spare piece of paper.

"Alright, love you, too. See you later." You hang up before looking back at Rosie. She looks a little down, and you have no idea why.

You pause for a moment, silently psyching yourself up for what you're about to ask. "This is gonna sound really strange, but do you want to come with me to the store?"

Her heart's pace increases at that, happy to know that you want to spend more time with her, just as she does with you.

"Actually, yeah. That sounds like fun."

You grin at her before spinning around and doing a little celebratory dance, which wins you a strange look from the monitor. You stick your tongue out at him before grabbing her hand and rushing out of the room, hearing his disapproval shouted after you.

--

"Milk?"

"Check."

"Ramen?"

"Check."

"Cereal?"

"Nope."

You nod at her words, now reminded of what you were forgetting. You push the buggy towards the aisle of cereals, gazing around in wonder at the huge selection. Rosé is just the same, eyeing all of the options like a kid in a candy store. After grabbing your mom's favorite kind, you decide on one for yourself and bring it back to the cart. Rosie scoots her leg over, making room for them beside where she sits, reclined in the cart.

You grin when you see her eyeing a box of fruit loops. Huh; fruity. Go figure.

You wordlessly grab the box and hand it to her, feeling your heart melt when she looks up at you like you hold the key to the universe.

"Thank you, Y/N."

"No problem, Rosie." You say, putting your hands on the bar as you begin pushing the buggy again. "Now, I say we see how long it takes to get to the paper towel aisle. My last record was 30 seconds."

She looks at you, clearly impressed, with her eyebrows raised. Without question, she pulls her phone out and gets the stop watch feature ready to go.

"3...2...1... GO!" She shouts, commanding your legs to start pumping as you race down the long strip of store before you. A couple kids dart out of the way just before getting smacked into, quickly turning around and cheering you on as you charge forward.

Her giggles fill the air as you drift around a corner, shouting apologies to the lady you almost bumped into.

"Sorry ma'am!"

A few seconds later, chest heaving and legs sore, you come to a stop in the aisle, dramatically collapsing in a heap next to the buggy. Rosé checks her phone as she reaches down to poke you.

"22.18 seconds, champ," she declares victoriously, smiling when you magically regain enough energy to stand up and celebrate.

"Woohoo! Team Y/S/N (Your Ship Name) for the win!"

She laughs along at that, joining in on your celebration, but she's blushing like crazy on the inside.

-----

The Last Day Of Detention

Ever since your trip to the store, you and Rosé have grown closer and closer. You traded numbers and text occasionally, though nothing beats having her all to yourself for 2 hours straight with no distractions. She feels the same; when she's in class, she can't wait for the bell to ring and signal your reunion. Part of her wants to get in trouble again, just to see you more often.

So, as you'd expect, it's really no surprise that you're sat right in front of her again, telling jokes and asking about her day. You've grown a bit more bold with every step closer you've taken towards her heart, and now you reach down to intertwine your fingers with hers.

She happily accepts, even bringing your hand up to her lips to press a kiss to the back of it. She smiles against your skin after it, making butterflies take flight in your stomach. She's got you wrapped around her finger, and you don't even try to fight it anymore.

The sound of the classroom door opening alerts you, making her lower your hand. She doesn't let go of you, though, and that fact warms your heart for some reason. The squeaky hinges groan out again as the door opens wider, revealing about 4 or 5 people from the friend group that she hangs out with. They motion for her to sneak out with them, but she just shakes her head.

"Come on, Rosé!" They whisper-scream, offering her a way to freedom. Little do they know that she'd take this imprisonment over freedom any day, so long as you're by her side.

"No! Get out before he wakes up!" She whisper-shouts back, eventually convincing them to leave.

"Why didn't you go?" You ask once they're gone, toying with her fingers as your hands rest on the desk.

"Because I like spending time with you." She admits, letting her defenses down.

"I was hoping you'd say that," you smile, letting her know that you feel the same.

The Fallout

After detention, the two of you walked out of the school, hand in hand

"Would you maybe, I don't know... wanna go to the park with me?" She asks nervously, glancing up at you.

"You read my mind, Rosie." You smile at each other and head towards the parking lot.

You started hanging out more, and she distanced herself from her old crowd

You encouraged her to enroll in your school's art program and show her work that way

"You're really talented; it deserves to be seen."

Your support meant the world to her, and she never failed to let you know

"Thank you, Y/N. Having you behind me means the world to me."

At one of her art shows, where she was tasked with unveiling a new piece that she'd been working on for months, you got the biggest surprise of your life.

She created a mural of you, all decked out with every color of the rainbow, utterly gorgeous

She lit up when she saw your reaction

"This piece is titled 'Mine', which I hope the girl in it will soon be." She says into the microphone, looking at you with hope shining in her eyes.

You nod your head with a smile and walk up to her, pressing your lips to hers in a kiss that was long-overdue. She wraps her arms around your waist, pulling you in closer with her sweater-padded hands and kissing you again and again.

The crowd claps for you, happy to see such an ending.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Lisa

I couldn't choose between these two gifs so enjoy both for the price of one ^^^

Lisa Manoban: Cocky, smug, and self-assured. The dancer knew she was hot shit, and she wasn't afraid to show off.

You're all for people being confident and happy with themselves, especially when they're talented, but something about Lisa always seemed to rub you the wrong way.

Whether it be her lack of a filter or the arrogant swagger that she naturally exuded, you weren't sure. People wanted to either be her or be with her, but you fell into neither of those categories.

She always left you frustrated in one way or another, whether it be from her teasing or her witty comebacks

The teachers loved her, as did the students. She was the class clown, so her position was pretty sacred in the grand scheme of things

You, on the other hand, irritated her for other reasons. You were the only person she couldn't get to crack; you never gave into her charms, and it infuriated her to no end. She wasn't used to not getting what she wanted (as childish as that may seem) and having you, one of the most attractive girls at school, turn her down? Well that was a massive blow to her ego.

You weren't afraid to say your piece, and that both pleasantly surprised and upset her.

She constantly tried to flirt with you in class, but you knew it was all for the attention. She just wanted to make her friends laugh, which they always did.

"Y/N, come here babe. There's an empty seat next to me," she coos, batting her eyelashes as you walk in the door. It's a free day, so everyone is sitting with their friends, wherever they like.

"I'm good," you decline, deciding to sit against the wall beneath the large window of the classroom.

"Oooo, denied," Lisa's friends laugh at her this time, chuckling harder when she sticks her middle finger up at them.

"Yah, shut up," she says, nursing her bruised ego as she turns around and opens her phone.

You smile as you continue working on the homework you cracked open, scribbling an answer down onto the notebook paper in front of you. Your fingers glide over your textbook in search of the definition of the term you're on, and Lisa secretly watches from afar. Without realizing it, she grins when you light up upon spotting the answer.

Sometimes her flirting does work, though, and you turn into a blushing mess

*whistle* "Damn, Y/N. You're looking fine today," she exclaims, fanning herself. You worry that she doesn't really mean it, but when her eyes remain on you a second too long to just be friendly, you blush. She's taking in all of you, looking impressed all the while.

"Right back at you, Manoban." You wink, sitting down in your seat across the room. She lightly blushes back, though she does a good job of concealing it.

Considering you share a couple classes and the class sizes are relatively small, it was pretty likely that you'd end up paired together eventually

You weren't happy about it, especially not after the way she had acted that week. Her cockiness had been at an all time high as of late, leaving you frustrated and upset. She was so full of herself; all you wanted to do was wipe that stupid smirk off her face.

"Y/N, you'll be paired with Lisa," your photography teacher informs, pushing her glasses up higher on the bridge of her nose.

"But Mrs. Ta--"

"Pairings are final," she cocks her head at you, persuading you to give in. With a sigh, you respond, "Yes ma'am," and attempt to ignore the sound of Lisa's friends high fiving each other in celebration.

The Turning Point

"My parents are gone for the rest of the week..." she says, holding the door open for you as you carry in your equipment. A hint of suggestiveness lies in it; she's alluding to exactly what you think she is, and you push her shoulder upon realizing it.

"Knock it off, Manoban."

"Okay, okay," she chuckles, listening to you for once. The surprise is clear on your face.

She leads you towards the backyard, where you set up one of your highest power cameras and turn it on. You have to create a gallery of different photos, all under the same theme. You both agreed to do a time-lapse of the sunset, and take pictures of the stars after.

Once she makes sure that the timer is set correctly and that the auto shut-off feature is enabled, she motions for you to follow her back into the house. You do, and she leads you into the kitchen.

"Do you want a snack?"

"Sure, do you have any ramen?"

She nods, quickly busying herself by bending down and searching through the cabinets. After she finds it, exclaiming a pleased, "Aha!", she tells you to go get comfortable in the living room.

Three minutes later, from your place on the couch, you begin to smell something burning. You scramble up and rush to the kitchen, only to find Lisa running around like a headless chicken, attempting to put out the small fire she started.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE TO BURN RAMEN?" You shout, though your tone isn't angry. You're just very shocked, and loud about it. You push her away from the pot, albeit gently, and get the flames to go down relatively quickly. You turn the burners off and put the pot in the sink, leaning against the counter to recover from the adrenaline rush.

"Oops?" She asks more so that says, with a growing smile evident in her voice.

You shake your head and chuckle despite yourself, turning around to face her. "You can order a pizza now to make up for that." You point a finger at her, grinning stupidly when she presses the tip of hers to it.

"Your wish is my command, princess."

Thankfully you're already walking away as she says that, so she doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing you blush.

---

"Lisa, I can't keep going." You groan out, sweat dripping down your face. The pizza you ate earlier is giving you a stomache ache, paired with the physical activity you're doing.

"Y/N, just a little longer, we're almost there," she huffs out, keeping her movements steady somehow. You're a mess by now, so you don't understand how she's still going.

A couple minutes later, the TV in front of you lights up, saying, "Awesome moves! You win!" as you collapse to the ground in a heap.

Why you agreed to play Just Dance with her after eating is beyond you.

"Good job," she compliments, grabbing your hand to high five herself with it.

"Yeah, yeah," you roll over, catching your breath.

She lays down beside you as you recover, telling jokes to hear that laugh that she loves so much. She prefers yours over anyone elses, so it's always such a reward when she gets you to crack up.

"We should probably head up now," she notes, realizing that the stars will be coming out soon. You agree, and she carefully helps you up.

"Here, I'll carry you," she turns, bending down so you can get on her back.

"Lisa, you can't carry me," you brush off, feeling insecurity bubble up again like it always does when you're offered a piggyback ride.

"Y/N, I promise that I can. Trust me," she reassures, looking into your eyes sincerely.

"Alright," you sigh, standing onto the couch to get on easier.

"See?" She asks, sliding her warm hands up your thighs to keep you secured against her. "I've got you, babe."

You tuck your head into the space between her shoulder and neck, inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume.

"I'm gonna punch you if you drop me," you whisper, feeling her laugh against you.

"Fair enough."

-----

Later, On The Rooftop

"Careful," she instructs, outstretching a hand to help you climb out the window. Her camera hangs around her neck, and she takes the cap off of the lense once you're both safely sitting on the roof.

"Wow," you sigh, gazing up at the sky in wonder. Her house is far enough away from the city that you're rewarded with a gorgeous view of the stars, unburdened by the industrial fog that hangs over the cosmopolis.

"It's beautiful out here," you say, looking back at her. You tense up a bit, not expecting her to already be looking at you.

"Sorry," she laughs at herself, looking away once she gets caught admiring you.

"It's okay," you reach down and gently squeeze her hand, making her blush lightly.

"Let's get started," you conclude, pointing at the camera. She nods, knowing that she'd never get the assignment done if you didn't step in to tell her to (considering she'd rather admire you), and she points the device to the sky.

After snapping a few pictures, she lays back in order to get a better vantage point of one of the star systems. She hands it to you after she's satisfied with her work, and you take your turn with it.

She notices that you keep brushing your hair out of the way when it falls in your face, so she decides to help you.

"Here," she says, saddling up behind you. She gathers your hair up, running her fingers through it to neatly pull it up for you. Thankfully she always keeps a spare tie on her wrist.

"Thanks," you smile, snapping another picture. The simple act warms your heart; she's being selfless for once, and helping you without even being asked. It's a refreshing change of pace.

"You're welcome." She chirps, sitting back down beside you.

-----

Later, In Her Bedroom

"Oh, I really like that one!" She says excitedly, pointing at the TV. Her phone, which is connected via Bluetooth and automatically receives pictures of her choosing from the camera, is displaying some of your best shots.

"Yeah, you did really well with that. I think we might beat everyone else if we use that as our cover piece."

Your compliment makes her momentarily shy, and she quickly realizes how much she loves your praise.

The two of you continue like that, reviewing the different pictures and choosing your favorites. She always finds ways to compliment yours, noting your technique or the filter you used, and it always makes you smile. She's different than you're used to, and it's throwing you for a loop, pleasantly surprising.

---

Lisa steps out of the room to go to the bathroom a few minutes later, leaving her phone connected to the TV. A ding sounds out across the space, pulling your attention away from the stack of notes laid out before you. Your eyes dart up to the screen, reading the text message that appeared at the top of it.

Austin ⛓: "Dude, did you get into her pants yet? We're literally betting over here 😂"

You blink a few times as their words sink in, making your chest hurt. You were really beginning to believe that you had been wrong about Lisa; clearly, though, your instincts were right.

Feeling betrayed, you shove your folders back into your bag and stand from the chair, willing yourself not to cry. The sound of the sink turning on lets you know that she's almost done, so you hurry your movements and make your way towards the door. She steps out into the hall just as you exit her room, looking at you with wide eyes.

"Woah, woah, woah, what's going on?" She asks with furrowed brows, approaching you. One of her hands lands on your arm, and you shrug it off as you brush past her without another word.

"Y/N, did I do something wrong?" She asks from the top of her staircase, watching as you walk towards her foyer.

"Why don't you ask Austin?" You bitterly call over your shoulder as you turn the knob, slipping out the front door. She hangs her head upon registering your words, realizing what must've happened. She makes a mental note to give him hell when she sees him again.

Tears sting your eyes as you exit the house, wrapping your jacket tighter around yourself. You should've known something like this would happen. The chilly night air bites at your skin, stealing more of its warmth away with every step you take. The temperature doesn't change your mind, though; you're upset, and you'd rather freeze out here than be face to face with her right now.

"Y/N, wait!" She calls after you, blasting out the front foor. Her footfalls sound off behind you, announcing her rapid approach, but you don't turn around. Realizing this, she darts in front of you, keeping you from walking any further.

"Please, don't go. He's an idiot, Y/N."

"He might he an idiot, but that doesn't take away what he said," you scowl, clenching your jaw. "Betting? Really, Lisa?" You ask quietly, hurt evident in your voice.

"It was a stupid thing they tried to convince me to do. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop them from talking once you and I were paired up. That's not what I want, though. I'm not just in it for that."

"How am I supposed to believe that? This is your M.O., Lisa."

"It's different with you, I don't know why." That's a lie; she knows exactly why you're different than anyone else she's flirted with in the past.

You stand there before her, silently weighing your options. After seeing the pleading look in her eye, her dark orbs full of sincerity, you relent. "Just take me home. We'll work on it another day," you compromise, allowing her in just enough to take you home, but not enough to stay at her place any longer. You're still weary after a text like that, and you will be for a while.

"Thank you," she breaths a sigh of relief, clasping her hands behind herself as you begin walking back to her house. She notices you shiver on the way, and she slips her jacket off without hesitation to cover you. Neither of you have to say anything; one glance from you is enough for her, and she's content knowing you're warm.

The Fallout

From there on out she was always honest with you and actually spoke out when her friends tried to do something stupid

She still remained the charming class clown that she naturally is, just getting rid of the not-so-nice parts of herself

You slowly let her regain your trust, little by little

She did nice things for you on the daily, whether it be holding the door, carrying your books, or offering to buy you some lunch

"Morning, Y/N. Wanna grab some breakfast?" She asks, moving her head to the side towards the café at the center of campus.

"Sure," you smile, laughing when she celebrates.

She invites you to her dance perfomances

When she goes to championships, you're always first on her list of invites

"I want you there." She declares, handing you the flyer.

"You've got it," you decide, knowing there's no where you'd rather be. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

At said championship, she won the highest title and claimed victory for your school

You joined the rest of the team on the stage to celebrate, congratulating the solo dancer on her achievement.

"I'm so proud of you, Lis--"

She suddenly kisses you, clearly high off her win. She pulls back when she realizes what she just did, a worried look on her face.

"Shit, I'm sorry." She looks between your eyes, attempting to gauge your reaction.

"Get your ass back here," you order, feeling butterflies take flight when she eagerly presses her lips to yours again, wrapping her arms around you to spin you.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" She mumbles against your lips.

You squint, pretending to think about it. "Maybe... or maybe not."

Her subsequent gasp is quickly muffled by your kiss, which she can't seem to get enough of.

[hanazou]

𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙘𝙝𝙪𝙪𝙮𝙖.

(while being shorter than him)

— a chaos of fun!

Word count : 1.5K

Shelf : Hardback

Genre : Romance and fluff, slight crack

Note : Sorry, anon! There was technical issue so I have to post this without your ask! I hope these are detailed enough to your expectations? I wrote more than I expected I would. Once again, thank you to the-foreigner for helping me figure out the tags!

Please enjoy!

 Where have you been all his life?

To say that Chuuya would simply be attracted to you because of your height sounds shallow, so let me phrase it this way; Chuuya is so used to having look up to people since many are taller than him all his life, both men and women, so it kind of does something different to his psyche when he sees you, being shorter than him.

Not to sound stereotypical but it's a given instinct that when you see someone shorter than you, you get the impression that they're cute and it triggers your protective instinct, right? This is what Chuuya feels about you. And since this sensation is new to him, he cherishes it.

Also, since Chuuya leans more towards masculinity, in your relationship with him, you're making him feel more manly. To speak a bit bluntly and in a nutshell, you boost his ego.

You make him feel even more confident and comfortable with himself. It's not that he wasn't confident before he dates you, you're just making him bolder with more sense of control and masculinity, making him feel validated. More dominant and more alpha.

But what does all of that mean, you ask? Here's the highlight of this post; Chuuya will pamper you as your prince charming while simultaneously being your playmate. Perfectly balanced.

Why? Because seeing you being petite, smaller than him, makes you appear as someone he should protect, but the romance doesn't replace the fun. When it comes to being Chuuya's darling, things never get overly cheesy. Yes he can be romantic (he is), but he's not the type to use sweet talks 24/7. He uses his "rough" ways to communicate his romanticism, one of them being your equal, hence the "playmate" dynamic.

Chuuya tells himself that you're his cute, little darling. He will say this to you straightforwardly except the "cute" part. If he casually and accidentally calls you cute from a slip of his tongue, you can definitely tease him back to get even.

He can be the big spoon and the "top" of your relationship, but he will be a switch if he's feeling sluggish. Being the "lead" sometimes makes him need a break, not from you, but from the energy it takes. Chuuya is an emotional guy and can be downright hysterical, and that takes energy, so he will turn to you for solace when he's worn out. To achieve that, Chuuya will utilize your height to bury his face into your neck or lean his forehead on your shoulder when work wears him down.

"Stay like this for a while," His voice blurs into mutters with his face on your shoulder. "Just three minutes."

Pat his head. Do it.

If you're the one feeling low, just put your head against his chest when you're both standing. Chuuya will be confused at first, but he'll silently ruffle your hair with your forehead still against his chest. It will be calming, I promise you.

Whether you're Port Mafia or a regular civilian (I find it easier for him to date someone from the PM though), you can count on Chuuya to be protective. He's already a protective guy by nature but when he sees you, his shorter darling, anywhere close to danger, that protective instinct doubles or even triples.

In fact, he wants you to rely on him. It's not that he wants you to be dependent—Chuuya just wants you to know that he always has your back. He's the combination of loyal and protective, so he wants to prove those qualities he takes pride in to you. Trust is a strong element for him, and by letting him know you count on him, you’re already securing his utmost loyalty and love.

One of the highlights of this post is his hat. You're shorter than him and it makes it easier for Chuuya to just plop his hat on your head on random occasions. No words, no thoughts, just putting his hat on you. It's the subconscious acts of love like this that makes him feel whole with you.

Kouyou will like you for colouring Chuuya's life. She'll make comments about how you both are fun to watch at, especially when you're both doing your silly dating antics, such as "My, my, energetic as always, aren't you both?"

Speaking of dating antics--Emotional maturity? We don't know her.

Doesn’t matter if you're only 2 cm or maybe 10 cm shorter than him. He will take any height advantage and have fun with it. A little too much, in fact.

Chuuya is not above using his ability to put objects in places he knows you can't reach but is close enough for you to struggle, just to watch you squirm. Confidence does things to this man, mischief being one of them. On the instances where you really can't reach up and it's not because of his tricks, something like this is bound to happen ;

"Huh, can't reach the top shelf, can ya? Don't worry, I've got you." He says, chest huffing with pride, before getting a ladder himself.

"...."

Mostly will lift you up to help since he wants to take the small chances to bond with you over simple moments. Short people solidarity. The height boost isn't much since short + short doesn't exactly equate to being tall, but hey, it's the thought and the comedic moments that count.

Speaking of comedic moments;

"Have you reached it yet?!" He asks loudly, craning his head from below you to see upwards. You're sitting on his shoulders and he's making sure he doesn't move around too much, or else you'll fall.

"Just a little bit more—!" You grunt, arm stretched. "Lift me up more, will you? Jump or something!"

"Do you want to fall? Forget it! Just reach higher!

"Maybe I can stand on your shoulders. Hold still--"

"Oi, this vest is 60,000 yen! And this is already the highest I'm lifting you! That's enough, I'll lower you down and just use my ability!"

"No! I'm already grazing it!"

And then you both will proceed to bicker in that weird, eye-catching position, for at least 2 more minutes. It will end if you either jump off him or he floats you down using his ability, and usually it's the latter.

[Sometimes the positions will switch (you lifting him up) but he's a solid 60 kg, it will be a challenge for your muscles and a good workout routine. Good luck getting him to agree to it though.]

[If that happens, chances are your legs will wobble just within seconds from lifting him. Good thing is it increases the humour and mischief in your relationship, downgrade is that it's too silly and stupid to look at to make it feel romantic]

Want to get back at his pranks? Here's a solution. Chuuya will vaporize if you use his clothes. He's taller than you, so let's say his shirt looks like a dress on you.

"W-What do you think you're wearing?!" Is what he shouts, but his flustered face says otherwise. [Bonus: for more critical hit, wear his choker(s). It does ‘things’ to him]

Yeah it's the little things like this that boost his confidence and optimism, and you don't mind him acting like the prince charming in an armour.

If anyone calls you (or even both of you) short, Chuuya will be pissed and defend you and himself since he assumes you also don't like being mocked for your height. He takes it upon himself to "fight" for you too. He has the "we're in this together" mentality.

And so do you. If any Port Mafia's enemies try to waver your confidence or Chuuya's by mocking your heights, it's going to be hell at that point.

If Dazai ever spots you and Chuuya together in public, he will say "Congratulations, Chuuya! You finally found someone shorter to date!" just when Chuuya mumbles "What's that shitty Dazai doing here?" under his breath.

Chuuya will try to kick his face while yelling "Huh?! What'd you just said about us!?"

Don't take what Dazai said personally, he did it to get on Chuuya's nerves, not yours. Instead, why don't you hold Chuuya back so he doesn't chase Dazai?

“Don’t you ever get bored arguing with him?!” You struggle to pull him back. You have to shout to outmatch his shouts.

Chuuya will be interested in height-related shenanigans with you, such as actually reading obviously fake advertisements that promises height growth and asking you if you're interested. He will only do this with you because he knows you won't make silly/berating comments about him. As I've said, trust is the secret ingredient in dating Chuuya.

"Hey, do you think this is real?" He shows you the poster he picked up. The dirt left by his sole on it is still there.

"Chuuya," You try really hard to stop sighing. "At this point, we have to stop lying to ourselves,"

But if the advertisement doesn't sound fake, let's say it utilises supposedly "effective acupuncture techniques", you will lessen the mature act and entertain him a bit.

In short, you and Chuuya will have an energetic and youthful relationship. It doesn't matter where you two are, be it in the cities or the ground zero of battle; if you two are there, people will see one hell of a lively, energetic, short duo.

📜 ; like what you read? visit my bookshop!

[sparks-joy-imagines]

Hello, I recently found your blog and I'm already so attached😭 I love your jjk×small boob reader since I am also part of the iddy bitty tiddie committee pxskossjakn

I was wondering if I could request some headcanons of Gojo/Sukuna with a fem reader that has uhh...inverted nipples?

Xowljsla I'm very insecure about them since it's not a very common thing for women to have but if it makes you uncomfortable to write about em I completely understand❤❤❤

Hello dear~ we’re so happy to hear you enjoy our blog❤❤❤ and of course you can and may - you are beautiful the way you are and I hope you enjoy these headcanons~ much love - mesu.

Gojō Satoru

Once, the very first time the two of you got intimate actually, Gojo made a very stupid remark about how your nipples were unusual. It wasn’t said with malice or anything, he just spoke without thinking really, but upon seeing your reaction, your smile fading and your uncomfortable shift in order to cover your chest, his heart broke and he made it his life’s mission to make you feel confident in your body again

Will casually rest his hand over your boobs whenever you are sitting next to him and he has his arm wrapped around you, he doesn’t necessarily touch your chest (unless you let him) but it’s a habit of his to shield you from looks of other people

Is very vocal about your boobs and especially nipples being his favourite physical feature of yours, claiming they make you unique

Makes sure to worship your body extensively and just knows how to use his fingers to make your nipples harden and erect within split seconds; you’ll sometimes have to stop him due to overstimulation which will result in the cutest pout you never imagined a guy like Gojo Satoru having

Will take any opportunity whenever you are braless to smooch his face right into your chest, in general if he ever was anything else than a boob guy, he is one now and you have to suffer the entire consequences

Ryōmen Sukuna

Honestly, he doesn’t quite understand the issue, as he’s in love with your boobs and nipples simply because they are yours, no questions asked.

His own body is full of imperfections and he has his fair share of battles scars or regrown limbs so he doesn’t pay too much thought to the visual aspect of things

Still, the moment he picks up on your insecurity, you can be damn sure he watches his mouth around you way more than before, just to make sure your mind doesn’t take anything unrelated he comments and makes it about your nipples.

At one instance he catches you staring at your chest in the mirror, he will come up behind you and wrap his four arms around you, he’ll press a deep kiss on your neck before his eyes flicker to your chest and he’ll hum in a raspy, deep voice, “They’re good as they are. Perfection is boring anyways”

During foreplay he adores licking and sucking on your nipples with his skilled tongue, getting a whole bunch of satisfaction of making you unravel in front of him and forgetting about your insecurities and doubts

Will also use his fingernails and tongue if you let him, yet always takes extra care not to pierce your skin as he really doesn’t want to hurt you at such a sensitive place

If anyone ever makes an uncalled for comment, they won’t live to see another day

[catzula]

Change

a/n: this is a lil brain dump bcs I've been really inactive lately, sorry!! I wrote it in one sitting and I dint really know how I feel about it but yeah

warnings: toxic relationship i think? But its resolved in the end. Angst, miscommunication, anger management issues, conflict, break-up, but as I said, resolved in the end.

honorable mentions: female reader, 1.9k words, not proofread

Katsuki Bakugou.

Many might think he's an open book, a simple, hotheaded boy with anger management issues. He doesn't know any feelings other than anger. He can't understand others' emotions, doesn't care. 

They were right about him being bad at controlling his emotions, but everything else was false. Bakugou had never been a simple person, and it was rare he met someone who truly understood him. You, for instance, were the only one that had come as close to understanding him, but no one could ever understand someone fully, could they?

Still, ever since he had met you, Bakugou was trying to change, or he liked to think he did. You did, too. 

You tried to ignore those times it became apparent that he couldn't, didn't, wouldn't. As much as Bakugou tried to prove to you that he was giving it his best to try and change, there were times that proved it incompetent, not enough, and even a lie.

But you always did your best to forget, suppress the thoughts. It was near impossible not to when Bakugou came back to you, an apology hanging from his lips -although never spoken-, warm hands pulling you to him for a hug. 

He's trying to change, you repeat to yourself. He's trying to change.

You think of the last fight you had and shiver as he lies on you, eyes droopy with sleep, nuzzling his face to your neck as you rub soothing circles on his back. The way his back rises and falls steadily makes you smile. 

It was gradually getting worse, the fights. 

As the months passed and exams approached, Bakugou became even more jittery. You felt your heart sink as you remembered his spitting words, "you're not even in the hero course! How would you fucking know how I feel?" But you did. You knew your boyfriend far too well, and even though you weren't experiencing it firsthand, you could see how stressful it was for him.

"Stop fucking babying me!" He had shouted when you tried to approach him, to get him to calm down. "Can't you see I'm trying to change? I'm doing all of this for you, and you keep asking for more- I-I'm doing it for you, okay? I'm trying to become better, so stop asking for more!" 

You weren't asking for more, that, you wanted to say. You were trying to-to help.

"I don't want you to do this for me, if all the reason you're changing is for me, stop! I want you to change for yourself, not for me!"

That was unfair, how he was looking at you like he hated you, like he wanted you to disappear.

It's okay, you tell yourself. Katsu's with me now, in my arms, calm, promised me he would try to get better. 

And he did, too. He always did. After a fight, Bakugou became the kindest person you knew, treating you like fragile glass, showing you love in his way. And it always led you to think. This is it. No need to worry anymore, you tell yourself when he kisses you softly, oh, so- so softly that you're sure there's no way this man that's holding you like this would ever hurt you ever again. Never. 

That never is never longer than a few days, though. 

In a few days' time, he- Katsuki forgets. The spite comes back, the snarky comments fitted in his sentences, the slight anger in his eyes. Why is he so angry? That, you can never tell. He's furious with you all the time, even when he himself doesn't know it.

"Katsuki?" You whisper meekly, and his eyes flutter sleepily. "Do you love me?"

Yes, he wants to say, I love you more than I love myself. But it's a soft grunt you get as an answer. 

It's okay, though, since you understand it well.

~

"Tell that extra to bring my shit back." It's a gruff sentence voiced with a fury that tears you away from your thoughts. 

For a second, your heart leaps. It's Katsuki! But the feeling sinks quickly. "It's Bakugou to you." You remember when he told you that, you remember too well the way he spitted the words as if he had spitted them on your face, a lump appearing in your throat quickly. He's not talking to you, rather about you, and it stings even more. You're the extra now, an extra that has his belongings in their room and nothing else, and he can't even tell you to bring them himself. Kirishima does it for him.

A half a bottle of his perfume that was never successful at suppressing his sweet smell. 

A sweatshirt of his that he knew was your favorite. 

A pair of socks, pencils and some other pieces of clothing, the usual. 

A full, newly-bought bottle of his shampoo.

For some reason, that last one hurts more than anything else. It's not the shampoo itself, rather the fact that it's new, that Bakugou bought it just a few days ago when breaking up was never a thought. 

Why did you break-up? It's very complicated. So complicated that you don't know it yourself. But you do know that he's angrier than ever, with you even more, for some fucking reason. He can't stand the sight of you, you know, he knows, too.

Bakugou himself doesn't know why he's so angry at you. He was the one who broke up, so what gives him the right to feel like this? Why do his hands clench into fists with the sight of you? His heart beating twice as fast with fury, head dizzy, his teeth clench, he can't breathe, a tightness heavying on his chest. With anger, he repeats. All these feelings are because he's so angry with you. 

The day you knock on his door, a soft thump audible from the other side of the door, Bakugou knows you brought back the box of his belongings, and he wants nothing more than to open the door and pull you in. But what is he going to do after that? He doesn't know. All he does know is that the lump in the back of his throat is because he's holding back angry shouts. His eyes are stinging with tears that are caused by anger. There is a feeling boiling in the pit of his stomach that makes him feel sick, but it must be fury.

Why did you leave it to the door? Couldn't you have waited for him to open it and look at you for once? Do you hate him that much? 

You have the right, too. 

~

Bakugou hates to see you cry. 

It's so annoying, he decides one day, as he catches a glimpse of you crying in your friend's arms, hugging them, telling them how much you missed Bakugou as they rub circles on your back. 

"He never deserved you, anyway." He hears them say. It makes you cry even more.

Seeing you cry always makes him feel angry, Bakugou decides. 

~

The way he discovers the reason for his anger is in a rather sick way.

All it takes is for him to see you laugh. 

It's spring, the winter you broke up is over, the feelings aren't, though. 

You're laughing, and you look so pretty under the tree, body swiftly shaking with laughter that doesn't seem to end.

Bakugou knows you like spring, and he notices it's been more than a winter since he last saw you laughing like this. Even before you broke up, he realizes you hadn't been laughing as you did now. That realization stings. You always laughed, smiled when you were with him, but it had a tinge of bitterness that never seemed to go away.

For the first time, it doesn't anger him, but it hurts. 

Somewhere inside, Bakugou had always been able to sense your bitter melancholy. It's a feeling you felt even when you were the happiest, but he just hadn't realized it. Like pieces of a puzzle, every other realization starts dawning on him too. 

He was angry at you because you always made him feel like he could never make you happy. All he could do was make you cry, you cried and cried, whenever you were with him, and it made him feel so frustrated- he hated it, he hated, hatedhatedhatedhatesyou.

But it wasn't you, it was never you Bakugou was angry with, but it was Bakugou himself. 

Bakugou hates himself for never being able to make you happy.

Bakugou was never angry at you, he realizes. He was heartbroken. All those times he thought it was fury he felt when he saw you- 

People think Bakugou doesn't feel anything other than anger. 

They're wrong. 

Bakugou feels many other things than anger, but he doesn't know how to differentiate them. 

~

The next time you meet, there are two changes you realize about each other. 

It's a cold night, another sleepless one you let yourself feel everything you suppress during the day. You don't expect to hear footsteps approaching you, it's the dead of the night and very cold, but you freeze when you take note of the sweet smell the sound brought with it.

You can't speak, do anything other than raising your eyes that are wet with tears to see if it really is the owner of your heart.

"We need to talk."

You don't want to, but you missed his voice more than you thought, that you're unable to leave. 

But it's the moment your eyes meet with his blood-red ones that you realize why he's here. For the first time in a long while, there isn't a trace of anger in Bakugou's eyes. 

He looks sorry, and that night is the first time you hear him apologize to you. 

Despite how much he wishes it was, this apology isn't the last.

Bakugou is flawed. He will and does make you cry, maybe more than anyone else. He knows it, and you do too. But love is a strange thing, and it took him years to realize that you would rather cry your heart out than be without him.

So this time, when he takes you between his arms and lets you cry, two things have changed since the last time you both were in this position. 

1: You noticed that this wasn't going to be the last time you cried because of Bakugou.

Throughout your relationship, you hoped, prayed that fight you had was going to stay the last, it never was. This way of thinking was flawed, damaging the relationship as much as the fights did. Bakugou could feel your growing sadness, dissatisfaction, fear that you were going to fight at every smallest disagreement you had, and they did nothing but make him angry, turning the conflict into a full-blown fight.

2: Bakugou wants to change. And not for you, but himself. 

He wants to be a better person. He always did, but it was only because you asked him to. He wanted to be better for you, and it was the only thing he could think of whenever you told him he had to change. Its pressuring, made him insecure, made him feel like anything he did was never enough. But this time, right then as he envelopes you and pulls you into his embrace, Bakugou wants to be a better person. Not for you, not for anyone else. He just wants to be better, and he will start here. 

[on-stardust-wings]

Okay, so I've been thinking about hyperfocus. (Probably warrants the disclaimer that I've never been diagnosed with anything, but at this point I'm pretty sure there's something non-neurotypical going on between my ears, and, among other things, people's descriptions of hyperfocus always really click with me as something I experience?)

Just in the last week, there have been several instances where it fit. I wrote 6k words of fic in one sitting (literally, I did not get up though it) last Sunday, and when I was done I realized I'm really fucking thirsty, I hadn't eaten since breakfast, I had no idea what time it was but apparently it was dark out, huh, my shoulders and neck were really stiff and sore, my foot was asleep because I'd been sitting on it again because I can't sit like a normal person and I should have probably been to the bathroom an hour ago. The other day, I spontaneously decided that I want my window screen thingies to be blue to fit with the rest of my bedroom, so I dug out some paint and drew on them, for several hours on a workday evening. At least since I was working on it in the kitchen, I managed to very distractedly eat something on the side, yay?

But that's not really the point I was meaning to make. Or, I was wondering why that's the main point everyone seems to be making about this kind of thing. "I got lost in The Project and forgot basic needs exist." That's the point you read in Tumblr posts about it, and, yeah, relatable, but that's like the least remarkable thing about it to me?

You read about enjoying a hyperfixation, yes. But enjoying hyperfocus? At least I've never seen the take.

But I do. Enjoy them, these weird moods. They're fucking awesome. Yes, I forget to eat and drink and stuff on a fairly regular basis when I get caught up in something, but that's so secondary to the experience to me? Like, it's so much fun to get completely lost in something? I love it. I love to exist just in the scene I'm writing, or the book I'm reading, or the weird, eccentric art project I've spontaneously had to start in my kitchen on a Thursday afternoon. But it's fun! It's fulfilling! 6k words of amazing fic I can't wait to share! (It's got very cool stuff about magical elements!) My very old white window dressings are now blue with green and blue dinosaurs on them! They look neat!

To be perfectly fair I've lost hours on cleaning my bathroom and resorting my cupboards, but, even that was, just, you know, deeply satisfying? There's so much pleasure to doing the thing I'm excited about, and then I look at what I did and it's a thing I made wow how cool is that. (I've done plenty of weird and silly projects, but I tend to enjoy the results almost as much as the process, so that's a win?)

Like, there are very few things as pleasurable and fun as a good Getting Lost in The Project thing. It's so cool to have everything else fall away. My brain is often like at least five different thoughts running away in different directions, but this? This in one thought, laser-sharp and with purpose that knows where it wants to go, and I pretty much always like where it goes. (That's where the essays come from, too. Thought zeroed in on something and now it has aim and cannot be deterred until it gets to its destination.)

And then there's the After. Yes, the sore muscles and thirsty and starving and exhausted thing. I like that, too? I've described it to a friend once, relating to writing but honestly it applies to other things, as a "writing afterglow". Tired, worn out, but deeply satisfied, like whatever mad energy was driving The Project has been burned out, but the emptiness is relieving? Feeling light and heavy at once? A (mostly) mental equivalent to that satisfying tiredness you'll get after a nice day out, the pleasant sort of tiredness? (Sometimes with writing or reading there's the "my soul has been pulled through a meat grinder" thing, but I think that's emotionally taxing subjects, not the activities themselves.)

Anyway, A++ feeling, love it, wouldn't want to miss it for the world. After the last mad writing session, I spent a substantial amount of time sitting on the floor of the shower, letting the water fall on my neck and shoulders to fix what I'd done to the poor things, but, it was so peaceful? Very nice.

I'm the opposite of "no thoughts, head empty". My brain is always full, often it feels too full, and it won't ever shut up. It's often fun, I like thinking thoughts about things, but it's also exhausting because it never ever stops.

It takes a break after one of those episodes. It'll let me sit in the shower, feeling the drops of water and the contentment of "I accomplished a thing that was a lot of fun" and that's all that's in my head. I've had troubles sleeping all my life, and I never fall asleep as well as on a night like this.

So. Hyperfocus. I like it. It's awesome. Please tell me I'm not alone on this.

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 4)

[Donnie x fem reader]

sfw, chapt. 3, pt. 4 here

Sighing, you set your phone face-down after sending your last text to Bo. What an abrupt end to something that had been so good. You were confused, a little taken aback and honestly sad. You'd thought the two of you were getting along well. Bo was smart, well-spoken, funny, and all around, a really nice person. He listened to your venting and seemed like he had a response to everything. Always, he had some random fact to hit you with whether it was about biology, chemistry, astronomy, language—you weren't sure where he got all his knowledge from. He'd never mentioned school, if he went. He didn't mention a lot about himself, actually. 

People come and go, someone had once told you. You guessed that he was one of those passersby, as much as you wanted it to be more. 

More?

When had you started thinking that? More what? 

You were tempted to pick your phone back up, to check and see if there were any new messages. Not that you could expect much; Bo had been so curt about his exit from your friendship that it was left at his last text, "Again, I'm sorry." You wanted to say something, but what was there to say? It was his decision. A sudden, uncharacteristic, and frankly odd decision, but still, his. Thinking back on it, you tried to remember any instance you might have crossed a line, or maybe said something you shouldn't have. That's what made you open up the messages again, scrolling up and up and looking for anything weird, but finding nothing of the sort. It had all been normal up until when you texted him about the clamor you'd heard outside your apartment building. And then it went flat—he didn't even respond to it, just said his apology and his goodbye before going offline.

You wanted to take your mind off it with a game, but as you looked through your list and saw the one you and him had played together, you knew it was near ruined for you. It just wasn't the same to play alone or with your acquaintances. An otherwise boring game made fun by one particular person, but now it was barely what it used to be.

Unfortunate. 

The next morning might have felt more normal if it weren't for the fact that everyone was pretending like it was. For the sake of secrecy from their father. As far as Donnie knew, Splinter still didn't know anything was or had been going on, and he intended to keep it that way, too. He wanted to tell his father, he did, but all he saw coming of that was reprimanding, or at the very least an awkward discussion, and possibly, time in the Hashi. He was already feeling the aftermath of his actions; he didn't need any more. Especially as he checked the messaging app one last time, only to find it empty, aside from her goodbye. 

Donnie stood at the kitchen counter, mask off and groggy as usual, scrounging for something to eat. Maybe a cup of coffee (if they had any), which he was looking for when Mikey bounced in. Normally, his brothers would avoid him when he was in one of his "moods". He hadn't a passionate temper like Raph but a slow-brewing one, the kind that festers until it's alleviated or boils over. Cold quiet was his thing. 

But Donnie knew why he was here. So did Mikey. He had that familiar glint of mischief in his eye. 

There was no coffee, so he settled for some kind of pastry they'd found while looking through the dumpsters. Really, the item was fine—only the packaging and appearance was defective. It was a wonder just how much food grocers wasted over arbitrary reasons, but regardless, he was happy to oblige his secret sweet tooth. 

From the corner of his eye he could see Mikey waiting eagerly for him to turn around and regard him. To listen to whatever he was about to talk his ear off with. Their youngest brother was more often than not bright-eyed in the morning, something Donnie's morning fog could not always entertain. He picked at his food at the counter for a moment, mind wandering back to his night and subsequently,  the unresolved feelings. Dreadfully unresolved, he groaned inside. And they probably would continue to be, as after sleeping on what had happened the previous night, thinking about her, he realized something that made his face flush. Oh, no. 

He froze in his place, suddenly very awake. He looked over his shoulder and found Mikey was distracted rummaging through the food for his own breakfast, and with a faint cringe, tried to sneak out of the kitchen undetected. No way would he admit to Mikey's words on the rooftop that night, the ones that made him flinch with embarrassment. The same ones that bounced around his head despite all attempts to stuff it down. "You like her, bro." 

Things involving him could never be simple, could they?

Abandoning his plate, Donnie began tip-toeing out of the room right behind Mikey. His foot hit the leg of a chair and caused a creak—he winced. As he thought, Mikey looked back, "Why are you sneaking around? You didn't finish your breakfast. Can't go on patrol on an empty stomach, dude." 

Before Donnie could even answer, he continued in a whisper, "Plus—"

"Whatever it is, Mikey, not now," he cut his brother off, "last night was the end of it, alright? You need to let it go." It sounded harsher than he would have preferred, but he felt the need to drill it into Mikey's skull that it was over, that it was just something he'd have to deal with. There were a lot of things they dealt with despite not liking it. With time, he'd forget—more accurately, be able to ignore— and maybe he could find the same enjoyment in his brothers once again. That sort of friendship.  But at the moment, it was ruined for him—he got a taste of something more and it was taken away what felt like second later. 

Mikey's face fell. Donnie couldn't stand that, seeing him upset over something he'd said. He had a bit of a soft spot for their youngest, no doubt. Just wasn't always obvious. 

"Aren't you afraid you'll regret it?" he asked, voice soft. 

Fear was a strong word, but of course Donnie was anxious. It was the thing holding him back from being able to simply compartmentalize everything, to put it in a box and on the metaphorical "deal with this later because it's uncomfortable right now" shelf. Or to deal with it at all, as ignoring his problems with studying and unrelated research and experimentation wasn't exactly prime management. He knew that. 

After a while of thought, Donnie was able to give him an answer. "Well…I mean, how could I not be?" he inquired in return before leaning out of the doorway to scan the lair. Everyone was either in their room, the dojo, or there, in the kitchen. Mikey has always made him feel most comfortable, and he was sure that was the case for the other three, just that they had other ways of showing it. He was certainly easy to talk to; if Donnie weren't so careful of his mouth and what came out of it, he could probably spew way more to him than he liked. Mikey could come through sometimes, though, which prompted him to keep going, "It was a big thing for me. We've been disconnected from everything else for so long that it was just...exciting, to get a look into what it's like. Being 'regular', you know?" 

Mikey sat down on one of the bar stools, feet idly shuffling against the floor as he folded his arms and rested on them. "You didn't hear it from me, but I'm a little jealous," he said playfully, but Donnie was aware that it was the case. "Maybe I'm pushing you to go after her because I'm trying to live vic–vicrous–v–…" 

Donnie smiled, he couldn't help it. "'Vicariously'?" he suggested. 

"Yeah! That," Mikey beamed, nodding. "You get what I mean." 

"I understand." 

The conversation died off soon after as Donnie decided to get breakfast over with and do whatever needed to be done before they left for patrol that night, darkness falling earlier due to the upcoming winter. It wasn't too cold for them to be out yet, though, so that still meant a chilly patrol in the Autumn breeze. He hated the cold. 

As Donnie was making himself busy at a circuit board in his lab, he heard the beads in the doorway shift, and to his surprise, Splinter came shuffling in. 

"Sensei?" 

He put down his soldering iron, spinning around in his chair. "Something the matter?" 

Splinter ran his fingers along a shelf on the wall as he wandered by, careful to not disturb any of the items lining it. Beakers, recently-repaired electronic parts, projects put on pause, things that would loathe to be broken. 

"There is always something," Splinter replied enigmatically, "I would not be here if that weren't true. Would you agree?"

 I'm compromised!

Donnie had a strong but hidden dislike for vague speaking, even if he did it himself sometimes. When spoken to you it's much more bothersome. 

Splinter waited for his answer, looking at him expectantly. "Donatello?" 

"Yeah, um…yes, I would—I would agree. I suppose. So...what is it again?" Damn his stutter, he couldn't get away with anything, hardly. He was only able to stifle it just enough. 

Picking a random pipette on the desk next to Donnie, Splinter studied the green liquid close for a second before his nose twitched, and he put it back down. "You have been very busy lately, it seems. What is it that you work on all day in here? Or are you playing games?" 

Donnie's heart thumped. His hand found that particular spot on his neck and began to scratch, and Splinter looked at him dead in the eye. He should have known; there was no hiding anything from their father, he was too good. Stupidly, infuriatingly perceptive. Donnie caught himself scratching that spot and slid his hand away, he hadn't even noticed he was picking at it again. He knows, Mikey told him, I probably look like a guilty idiot right now, I'm—

"I haven't been playing games," Donnie blurted out. 

Quizzically, Splinter gestured at the computer screen on the other wall, which had the menu of the game he'd opened up just earlier. Reminiscing over it even though it had been only a couple of days since he and his friend had last played together, but he stared at the screen as if it had been years. It made him realize how easily he'd gotten attached to that. Well, to her. He was on the fence about whether he wanted to try playing again or not and left it on.

Oh, you have to be kidding. I'm a fool in a man's shoes. 

Donnie laughed uncomfortably, "You caught me, Sensei," he said, "I guess I have been playing games more often lately." 

It was honest enough, right? 

Splinter hummed and cupped his hands behind his back. "I see."

Straightening out, Donnie dipped his head a little. "I'll...lay off on them. Sorry for lying. I've just been really distracted recently." 

"Liars never prosper, my son. Take care of yourself." 

He then left. 

So he didn't know. Donnie still couldn't say it with any degree of confidence, because Splinter would trip them up here and there, but it was assurance enough to know that if Splinter was aware of what had gone on between the four brothers and his new—rather, former—human friend, he would have confronted Donnie about it. Or all of them, considering it was now a secret they were all in on actively hiding. And on top of that, Raph and Leo didn't know Mikey was conspiring. Layers and layers, he sighed. 

With Splinter gone, he let out a breath of relief. Too close. Much. But, swiftly evaded. A chuckle left him, not of humor, but more because he was actually feeling a little confident. Just a little. They were really hiding something from Splinter; it was reason enough to pat himself on the back, nothing got past Splinter. Except for him.

Briefly, he thought of Mikey's outlandish idea as he spun back around in his chair. "Mikey, you are crazy," he mumbled to himself as he took his soldering iron, resuming his work from before. "But..."

Chapter 5