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theomnicode · 2 years ago

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Emotional loneliness & the subconscious

One thing we must never forget with Genos.

He will always pay back with dividends whatever action has been taken against him. Be it with hatred, revenge or with his utmost loyalty, support and love.

Maksaa kalavelat takaisin potut pottuina.

(Potut means potatoes, potut pottuina means with equal measure) (Kala means fish, velat means debt, kalavelka means grudge borne from unfair treatment)

So because Saitama lovebombed Genos with the divine power core, Genos will pay it back hundredfold. He's just that kind of guy, prone to extremes.

Just surely as the moon orbits around the earth, does the earth orbit around the sun, it's the universal law that Genos cares for Saitama. You'd have to erase his personality and himself entirely for this to not be true. And man, do the forces that be, try to do exactly that. It's like he can tip the scales of justice in his favour, a balance breaker in this regard.

So, the time to perform is night because OPM God is practically breathing down on everyone's necks and surveying the battlefield from below and above this time around and he wants to wring out some riffraff.

There is very much plenty hints, the chapters are throwing an overabundance of clues around. The amount of subliminal hints, metaphors, allegories, idioms, visual cues, wordplay, etc. is extremely staggering and it's done on purpose to appeal on subconscious level. Murata-sensei and ONE throwing all eggs into the basket for a homerun.

I feel like I'm constantly becoming big brained by looking at new chapters and making all these possible connections with my brain and trying to predict future outcomes lol.

It's like blaring warning sirens if you're suddenly aware of it.

There are many things one can start to predict in OPM. So OPM God can play chessmaster with everyone's emotions as the puppet master he is and get desired results.

But there is...one person that is completely utterly unpredictable...and that person is Genos. Nobody can completely understand Genos and his line of thinking.

Nobody knows what the fuck Genos is doing right now, for instance. We can only make educated guesses.

Except for one thing: he can't turn away from justice. Because he loves people too much. An emotional vulnerability that can and will be exploited. One he is not personally logically seeing.

Large amount of monsters are being released in an area with lots of civilians and being actually called on duty? Trust Genos to race to the scene, no matter what.

And in this it is also a race against time, who can seal the deal with who first. Who can emotionally connect with who first with their emotional loneliness.

Because everyone in this small area, are probably Super Empaths, also known as Heyoka Empath and emotionally lonely in their own ways. They keenly feel when others feel and bleed when others bleed and they can't turn this off. Emotional wounds bleed heavily.

And once you make a deal with OPM God, the God of Death or enroach upon his territory within the preternatural spiritualism, you aren't running away that easily. 4 people in the area are practically glowing with divine power.

What it means is becoming immortal and spending the eternity with this guy. Dead or alive. Sorry Future Garou, your sacrifice was most valiant. OPM God rewrote the script for that, because he did not want Saitama to give Garou therapy and emotionally connect via that, since Garou would've ended up just ranting about everything and confessing everything.

(Also denotes quite a bit about that there will be rivalries between individuals) (Cough death note) (Nice Ninja village leader and Blast ref here)

Like a jealous lover, it wants all the pieces to himself. Probably for some eternity in torture kind of thing. Oh and Genos and Bang have to die, naturally.

So yea, the dimple reference would match, just wants some company because it's alone in the dark...but actually horrifying af. Eternity in pure despair ay...

(I'm so sorry Homeless Emperor, Orochi...)

There is one thing that Saitama is vulnerable to, it's his emotional loneliness. Trying to become a hero to find some kind of intimate emotional connection with a person with similar values.

A heart displaced is a heart swayed.

The choice Genos can make where he chooses to place his heart into, will make it complete or shred it to pieces. The twilight zone between night and new dawn of day is still up. In the front is the sun of the new horizons and behind...the shadow of the looming death, The torii gate.

This race is also portrayed in the OPM ED1.

youtube

A race for Genos to connect with Saitama's heart first with his love, before anyone else does and doing so would protect him as well, because they are safeguards to each other's hearts. Monsters outside and inside exploit the desire for kindness, compassion, love and other emotions and when the heart is full, that's when the monsters can no longer find footing.

In short, Genos has to show that he absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, loves him whole-heartedly and confess. So Saitama can show his own vulnerability, his weaknesses like his suicidal ideation and make him strong enough to withstand emotional manipulation and exploitation that OPM God will do, is doing, to him. And in turn, his heart will also find it's home in Genos.

Cuz, Saitama is playing chicken with his own emotional blind spots. They will soon catch up to him and everyone else. Insecurities, unreliability, immaturity, self-confidence, anger, feeling weak...maybe even rebirth.

Saitama just does not have the guts to confess yet himself, he's far from certain about what he actualy feels since INFJ are slow and steady like the turtles racing against the rabbit in love business...but time is running out too fast to actually wait for the turtle to win the race because the rabbit fell asleep.

Dawn of the Last day, 24 hours remaining.

Saitama would just chicken out. Like bugs bunny under the rock face. Get second thoughts from not being absolutely certain that his emotions are reciprocated and shy away with his insecurities.

Saitama has a bucket list to go with him, so there's that.

jänistää (jänis = bunny) (jänistää = chicken out and run away)

livistää arkuuttaan (chicken out and run away due to shyness)

luopua aikomuksestaan uhkaa koettuaan (give up on doing something due to a perceived threat)

(Ah the Tanabata)

You can see the deformity in Saitama's eyes when he goads Garou into trying to hit him by appearing vulnerable while looking at him directly in the eye and seeing a glimpse of his soul. I don't think he likes that at all, since he's not the violent sort.

And oh, does this paint a clear metaphor, about what else can be found from the blind spot, upon the forehead, if he were to delve far too deep into the rabbit hole of his own psyche.

No wonder he's uncertain about Genos. There's definitely some kind of preternatural phobia or something involved. About the third eye/mind's eye. Definitely eldritch.

(Think Shimazaki from Mob psycho)

So, how does one Seal the deal with a God anyway?

A gesture in agreement, probably a hand gesture (since spiritual people seem to be doing that a lot) but also a sentiment with emotional attachment to that specific emotion, I would say. And wholeheartedly agreeing with the sentiment.

Genos already made a deal with a god by becoming his disciple and got an impartation of power; access to Saitama's emotional strenght via his empathy.

To seal the deal completely?

I mean, what else can it be but a kiss on the lips and a love confession from this utterly infatuated idiot.

To wake up the sleeping beauty like in the fairy tales. How romantic to soulbound with someone for all eternity. And cursed when their fates get twisted and they never find each other. Romantic tragedy, Romeo and Juliet.

I say idiot fondly because it's exactly what he would want right now, but Saitama is not ready if he were to get a sudden influx of feedback loop of emotions. He would not know where he begins and Genos ends, like two people living under the same egghead, if he hasn't build up some mental walls first. Individualization would be almost impossible. The shadow snuck too close for comfort.

If Saitama the antenna, that makes Genos the wi-fi signal. As in the mural.

Oh and Genos is definitely not ready yet either, he needs more mental strenght first to handle it. Saitama's emotions, his divine power, are strong af. He would probably explode.

I can predict about as far as Genos arriving to the scene...but it remains to be seen what kind of actions he will take.

He will probably end up doing something stupid or crazy though. But he will have to, to flip the webcomic script on it's head.

That will determine their fates. Because Saitama will need affirmation that he's not going to be left in emotionally lonely hell when the time comes. And neither will Genos, because Saitama would not allow it.

Clear skies, full hearts, can't lose.

(The most hilarious and unpredictable thing would be for the romantic comedy to begin and Saitama and Genos make out in the base, in front of everyone else without any inhibitions, because Genos has the unholy hots for sensei and by sealing the deal, have this feedback loop.)

(Saitama would totally fall for Genos and even cosplay villain mafia boss if he had to and become anything at all for Genos.)

(ONE gonna go "Keep the change you filthy animals." when he feeds the shippers. But also because he's the biggest troll and it would be fucking funny to see the oldest joke in the series utterly dismantled and watch the fireworks.)

(Looks quite a bit to me that you're swinging that way indeed and walking in tandem. I don't believe that horsecrap saitama lol, nobody does)

(Tbh those also look like socks and or heels to me...Saitama & socks = sensuality and heels would def be sexuality.)

(Hehe Genos fighting for his love against opm god because Saitama is the rose bride from utena ahahaha, that would be some tug of war)

(Funeral suspenders btw)

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kursed-curtain · 2 years ago

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Metamorphosis

A Changeling!Alexander fic

CW: Alexander Trauma, the usual, and thankfully lots of fluff afterwards

~=~

"Hey, what's that?"

Alexander flinched. His appearance shifted into Rosella in less than an instant. "What's what?" He asked, his face like stone.

Rosella gestured towards Alexander's neck, which was now pristine. "There was something there, but it's only on your changeling form," She said, "Can you… Are you comfortable with showing it to me?"

Alexander pulled up his legs onto the bed and curled up. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

"That's alright! Take your time, you can talk about it if and when you're ready," Rosella smiled. Alexander took a moment, then shifted into his most comfortable form – He had decided on taking on the form of the young Sir Graham, since that would make them look related, and he wanted to try out this 'son' thing.

Rosella beamed, kicking her legs. "Oh, you're always so good at that!"

"Good at… what?"

"Shifting appearances!"

"Oh. Huh…" Alexander's gaze fell to the floor. "I was told… I just… thought that changing appearance was a natural thing for a mon- changeling," he shrugged. "I didn't think it was really a skill."

"Well, yeah it's a thing changelings are born with, but it takes a lot of practice to morph so smoothly!" Rosella snorted at her own thoughts. "For instance, dad always changes in chunks, and sometimes he gets all invested in a conversation that he forgets he's supposed to be keeping up a disguise. Once, he started turning into one of the nobles he was negotiating with, and it took him five tries to get back to his usual disguise!"

Alexander hummed in intrigue. "I'm surprised he didn't get yelled at by anyone. Or angrily mobbed."

Rosella giggled, "People have known that Dad is a changeling for a while. For the people who didn't know beforehand, though, it's a surprise! I love seeing their reactions."

Alexander hugged his knees. "There are people who know and are just… fine with it?"

"Yeah! Dad basically taught Mom, his close friends, and I about why he does certain things so we don't get confused. Sure, changelings aren't common here, but changelings are people."

"...Changelings are people…" Alexander mumbled.

"So, y'know, you don't really have to look like Dad to be his son. Dad's a changeling too."

Alexander relaxed, but then tensed up even more. "Can I… just stay like this? I don't really want to change right now."

Disappointed her advances had failed, but still wanting to be supportive, Rosella gave a slight smile. "Sure."

Alexander, in her young dad's face, curled up even further. He croaked out, "I'm… sorry." He frantically wiped his eyes. Rosella handed him her handkerchief and he took it without question. "I've always been forced to look like other people, so I could be more useful," Alexander sniffled, "I didn't get let outside often, so for the few times I could, I had to impersonate influential people for the most benefit. I'm not the best with impressions, though."

Rosella stayed quiet but half-intrigued – only half, as not to scare him with wide eyes. He hadn't talked much about what it was like before his escape.

"The first time I realized I could shapeshift, I turned into a character from a book I was reading." Alexander morphed into an older man, with dark hair lined with gray streaks, and tempered eyes. "Turns out I… struck a nerve with Him. I think I looked too much like someone He hated. So He struck my uh…" the disguise faded slightly, so Rosella could see to his changeling neck and get a look at the scar.

Alexander turned back into his comfortable form, rubbing his arms as if spiders had crawled down them. "I'm supposed to be some kind of monster. That's what they told me when they had to give the blame to someone. Monsters get locked away, so they don't scare people with how ugly and inept they are."

"You are not ugly or inept." Rosella had to jump in. She was practically gritting her teeth by now. "What they told you was a horrible, horrible lie to make you feel powerless to escape."

Alexander nodded. "I'm starting to get that. It's just hard… making your statement sound true. It sounds like a lie, but I know it's not. But I don't… believe it."

"You just have to keep repeating it to yourself. Think about how they would repeat that you're a monster. You have to repeat the real truth as many times as they told you lies. Maybe even more times than that!" Rosella pumped her fists. "Say it with me: I am smart enough, strong enough, and my looks are enough for me."

Alexander grimaced at the idea. He still tried, though. "I'm smart enough, strong enough, and my looks are enough for me?" He said, with the fervor of a rock.

"You have to say it like you mean it!"

With more firmness, he said, "I'm smart enough, strong enough, and my looks are enough for me."

"Give me all you've got!"

"I'm smart enough, strong enough," He took a deep breath, and let it all out, "And I look amazing!"

"Yeah you are!!" Rosella kicked her feet and pumped her fists into the air.

Alexander felt breathless. "Hope you don't mind that I changed up the wording."

"Of course! They're your thoughts, after all." She giggled. "I can't change them."

Alexander chuckled a little too. He sighed. "Even though I'm more confident now, I can still stay like this, right?" He pointed at his face, looking like their dad's.

"Go for it. I'm not gonna tell you who to be."

#changeling au #kings quest #fanfic #alexander kq #rosella kq

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rosesloveletters · 6 months ago

Note

Teacup ☕️

Lipstick stain 💋

Cosmic ✨

Wistful 🫧

Love Letter 💌

Lace☁️

All for Wonka💕

Thank you for asking so many lovely questions, dear anon!

teacup ౨ৎ are the two of you morning people or night owls?

Wonka is a morning person, I am a night owl.

With that said, Wonka's sleep schedule, or lack thereof, doesn't quite lend itself to him being either.

He is almost always out of bed at dawn, unless he climbed into bed in the wee hours of the morning, perhaps at my own coaxing because his inventions will still be there when he wakes. I know how creativity works and therefore I cannot force him to walk away from inspiration, no matter what time it strikes, though I do believe he should get a good night's sleep and fortunately, he almost always agrees with me on that.

For me, on the other hand, I cannot sleep until at least midnight or later and I detest waking up early.

Wonka never makes me feel guilty of my body's natural routine and schedule; if I'm tired, he lets me sleep.

lipstick stain ౨ৎ where do you love to kiss them? where do they love to kiss you?

I love to kiss Wonka's forehead, his nose and his neck.

He loves to kiss my cheek and the back of my hand.

cosmic ౨ৎ who said i love you first? and how did that go?

I don't really remember an instance in which either of us dramatically confessed our love. It was very casual and gentle, yet familiar, like that of sinking into a warm bath.

I don't think either of us needed to say it, even though we both often do.

Our relationship was a long time coming; our hearts knew that they needed each other's before we ever did.

wistful ౨ৎ what’s your sex life like?

Wonka and I both exist on the asexual spectrum, so what exists of our sex life is very infrequent, mild or vanilla I suppose is the term commonly used.

He is primarily the one who initiates, as he experiences sexual desire and attraction a bit more than I do.

Neither of us think about sex very much at all.

We are the type to both forget about it and carry on until one of us mentions that it has been a while or how long it feels like it's been since the last time and those types of comments and reflection will often lead to sex.

For both of us, sex is about physical intimacy and connection and when either of us want to be closer to the other, we will occasionally choose to have sex.

love letter ౨ৎ what are your love languages? and how do the two of you execute them?

my love languages are physical touch, gift-giving and quality time.

Wonka's love languages are quality time, acts of service and physical touch.

We spend a lot of time giving each other gentle touches: a hand on the other's back, holding hands, chaste kisses, hugs, cuddles, etc.

Wonka will let me sit on his lap as often as I'd like and will happily hold me as often as I'll let him.

I love to play with his hair, give him head massages or rub his back.

A lot of the time, we simply like to just exist in each other's company, even if we aren't talking or participating in the same activity. It is comforting to be able to sit in silence or do our own thing, yet still be aware that the other person is close and both are comfortable and enjoying their own time.

Wonka does so much for me: makes meals for me, helps me clean and all in all finds little ways to make life easier on me by helping with anything that he can.

I like to bring him gifts quite often. if I'm out shopping and see something I think he would like, I will immediately buy it and surprise him with it.

lace ౨ৎ what’s their favorite outfit of yours?

He adores my dresses.

I only wear delicate florals for my dresses, reminiscent of his vest.

He thinks that blue looks best on me; I couldn't agree more, if only because it is the color of his eyes.

questions sourced from kentoangel's little selfship ask game

#mail :: 📬#anonymous :: 😶#self-shipping :: 🫀#chocolate-dipped souls :: 🍫

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elainsgarden · 3 years ago

Note

Do you think it's okay for people to hate Elain?

Here's the thing, *cracks knuckles* some people are always going to hate characters. Even the most beloved character will have some haters because that's just human nature. However, I 110% believe that 99.9% of the hate that Elain Archeron gets is unjustified.

We've all seen the screenshots and hate tweets that she receives on the regular, but even just the most random comments about why people hate her are unfair. From something as simple as, "the Inner Circle didn't blame her like they did Nesta" so we're blaming Elain for that and not them? When Elain herself is the one who said "I'm to blame too not just Nesta for not doing more for Feyre."

"She's just boring I hate her."

Now...this one is hard to dispute because if you find a character boring that's on you and I can't argue that. But what I will argue is that I've never had a character that I find boring that I spend so much time talking about or hating. If I find a character boring, I simply forget about them or don't even care to talk/argue about them at all...because they're boring. I do like to discuss characters that are horrible people or ones I love, but never ones I simply find boring. I think many also find her “boring” because she’s not a warrior like many of the SJM females. She likes to do girly things, bake and garden and not engage in battle and training. And that’s OK. Women in the fantasy genre in general are usually treated terribly by fandom and it’s sad to see. And adding to this, SJM has purposely given Elain an arc and story about her playing a part because she thinks that's what's expected of her. Rhys himself addressed this in the Feysand bonus chapter:

"She's mean to my favorite ginger Lucien"

Now THIS one gets me heated. Never should a female character be judged on if she's uncomfortable or wants to be around around a male character. She's been polite when she had to be but she clearly does not want to be around him at this time. Now maybe you can find an argument that, "why doesn't she just tell him no" why should a woman have to? Lucien himself knows Elain doesn't wanna be around him, so fandom should respect that. Elain was thrust into this world of fae customs and beliefs and is still very much mourning her human life. She doesn't want a mate. We also know that Lucien is very much connected to her trauma of being made against her will. Did he know any of that was gonna happen? No, but regardless he's a part of it. I don't vilify Lucien for wanting a mate and mourning that Elain might not want him the way he does, but we can't blame Elain for not being more forward when Lucien himself hasn't confronted the situation either. He has to understand she's mourning her fiancee and is not interested. Let's stop blaming the women in these instances. Sarah is clearly saving this drama for Elain's book. It's all been set up. And btw, she isn't mean. She's been polite, but again she's not comfortable around him and what "mates" are in this world. I remember seeing Mor vilified for not being more open to Azriel or "stringing him along" and that pissed me off too. I will always stand by women. These men are hundreds of years old, they can read signals and tell when a woman isn't into it.

"She didn't fight for Nesta the way Nesta did for her"

Elain quite literally got over her fears of battle and bloodshed and stabbed the king in the neck right before he was about to kill Nesta and Cassian both. If that's not the biggest showing of love from Elain for Nesta then I don't know what is. I think fandom quite often forgets that Elain is still very much traumatized like Nesta as well. Nesta's trauma is manifesting as drinking and sleeping around and lashing out, Elain's is retreating into herself and pretending that everything is fine. Fandom wants to blame Elain for Nesta's inner thoughts and self doubts in ACOSF when Elain DID try but she was pushed away repeatedly by Nesta. Why are we blaming Elain for that? You can only take people yelling at you for so long before you take the hint and stay away.

In conclusion, Elain Archeron is a good person, a good character with so much room for potential, and so much more than shipper bias and hate. I eagerly await her story and journey and the people that hate her are gonna do so regardless, but I’m happy to know that they’re being silly and mostly misogynistic the entire time they’re doing it.

#elain archeron #pro elain #elriel #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #acosf #a court of silver flames #acowar #a court of wings and ruin #acomaf #a court of mist and fury #nesta archeron #lucien #acofas #a court of frost and starlight #sjm #elain x azriel

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let-them-read-fics · 4 years ago

Text

Blackpink HC / One Shots: Enemies to Lovers, College AU (2/2)

Requested: Yes

Warnings / Misc. -- Bickering, Rivalry, Fluff

A/N: Hey everyone! This is the second half of the request, featuring Rosé and Lisa. If you want to see the first part, with Jisoo and Jennie, click the link below. I hope you enjoy!

Click for Jisoo and Jennie

♡ Happy Reading ♡

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Rosé

Park Chaeyoung: The girl who hung with the wrong crowd.

Your problem lied more so with the people she associated with than her herself. You couldn't wrap your head around why such a kind person like her would spend time with the class clowns and bullies, and to make matters worse, she would stick up for them as well.

She spent most of her days in either the art or music room, creating the masterpieces that her brain came up with.

But as soon as school was over, she'd be hanging out with them again and getting into trouble. For instance, because of her talents, they would invite her to go with them and graffiti various hot spots around town. She never vandalized any monuments or landmarks of importance -- she typically stuck to bridges or abandoned buildings -- but after getting caught with them multiple times, it was inevitable for her to be held accountable.

She was given a week's detention to make up for her actions

You, coincidentally, had a teacher that absolutely loathed you for no reason at all. No matter how good of a student you were for him, he didn't care; he had a vendetta against you for some reason, and he patiently waited for the opportunity to ruin your day.

You came in literally 10 seconds after the bell rang, putting the breakfast sandwich you stopped to get on the way into your mouth so you could open the door. He was standing at the front with a smug grin on his face, and you already knew what was coming.

You were also given an ungodly sentence of a week's detention.

Turning Point

"If I see you on your phones, I'm taking them." The monitor informs before sitting at the desk, reclining in the chair and putting his feet up soon after. You sigh and lean back in your seat, attempting to find a way to pass the next two hours without getting in trouble. Your eyes scan across the room, eventually landing on Rosé, where she sits a couple rows away from you. Sunlight is streaming in through the window next to her, its golden rays peeking through the breaks in the clouds above to shine on her. She looks gorgeous as she doodles away in her notebook, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear when it falls in front of her face.

After waiting on the monitor to fall asleep and sending one last glance to double check, you quietly stand from your seat and go sit next to her.

You barely know each other, but she's your only hope of remaining sane and occupied.

"Hi," you greet, looking into her eyes.

"Hi," she copies, a tiny smile forming on her lips when she notices your impressed expression upon gazing down at her paper. You have to hand it to her -- she's really talented.

"You're really good," you compliment, still admiring the artistry. Seeing as how you're looking down, you fail to notice the blush that works its way to her cheeks. Coming from you, the simple remark meant a lot to her.

You spend the rest of the day making small talk and getting used to one another, leaving detention later with the hopes of sitting together again.

----

The Next Day

"Hi again," you whisper, glancing over your shoulder to ensure that the coast is clear. The monitor is out like a light, with his mouth hanging open and an obnoxiously loud snore coming out.

"Hi," she giggles, watching as you dive into the floor for cover when the man shifts in his sleep. You thought he was waking up, and if he finds out you moved seats, he'll definitely have something to say about it.

"The coast is clear, cadet," she nods like a soldier, assuring you that it's okay to move back after a minute.

"That was close," you breathe out in relief, glad to live to see another day.

You share a laugh, though it has to be hidden behind your hands and kept a minimum. It's cute though -- like a little secret between the two of you, only for you to know.

"What're you drawing today?" You ask later, laying your chin in your palm as you gaze down at her work. Her reply comes out stuttered at first when she feels your leg innocently brush against hers under the table.

"D-dalgom. My friend's dog." She manages out, mentally smacking herself for looking like a fool.

You smile, thinking she's adorable. "I bet it'll be great," you encourage. She grins back as her eyes scan over your face, committing the memory of you to heart. She's always had a thing for you, ever since the time you were paired up in Biology last semester, so she's been enjoying detention more than she thought she would. Seeing you makes the time go by faster, though ironically, she wishes it would slow down a bit.

You make her feel appreciated for more than just what she's capable of producing, and the divide between you and her friend group is blaringly obvious. They like her because of the rush she can help them achieve; you like her because of her.

That thought persists in her mind for the rest of detention, and before she knows it, the monitor is releasing you again. She bends down to put her notebook in her bag when a thought pops into her mind: she wants to ask if you want to go to the park with her. When she's done zipping her bag up, she looks back up at you, only to find you on your phone, talking to someone.

"Yeah, mom. I'll stop by on the way home. So milk, cereal, ramen, and paper towels, right?"

She watches as you wait for a reply, tucking the phone into the crook of your neck as you move to write the list down on a spare piece of paper.

"Alright, love you, too. See you later." You hang up before looking back at Rosie. She looks a little down, and you have no idea why.

You pause for a moment, silently psyching yourself up for what you're about to ask. "This is gonna sound really strange, but do you want to come with me to the store?"

Her heart's pace increases at that, happy to know that you want to spend more time with her, just as she does with you.

"Actually, yeah. That sounds like fun."

You grin at her before spinning around and doing a little celebratory dance, which wins you a strange look from the monitor. You stick your tongue out at him before grabbing her hand and rushing out of the room, hearing his disapproval shouted after you.

"Milk?"

"Check."

"Ramen?"

"Check."

"Cereal?"

"Nope."

You nod at her words, now reminded of what you were forgetting. You push the buggy towards the aisle of cereals, gazing around in wonder at the huge selection. Rosé is just the same, eyeing all of the options like a kid in a candy store. After grabbing your mom's favorite kind, you decide on one for yourself and bring it back to the cart. Rosie scoots her leg over, making room for them beside where she sits, reclined in the cart.

You grin when you see her eyeing a box of fruit loops. Huh; fruity. Go figure.

You wordlessly grab the box and hand it to her, feeling your heart melt when she looks up at you like you hold the key to the universe.

"Thank you, Y/N."

"No problem, Rosie." You say, putting your hands on the bar as you begin pushing the buggy again. "Now, I say we see how long it takes to get to the paper towel aisle. My last record was 30 seconds."

She looks at you, clearly impressed, with her eyebrows raised. Without question, she pulls her phone out and gets the stop watch feature ready to go.

"3...2...1... GO!" She shouts, commanding your legs to start pumping as you race down the long strip of store before you. A couple kids dart out of the way just before getting smacked into, quickly turning around and cheering you on as you charge forward.

Her giggles fill the air as you drift around a corner, shouting apologies to the lady you almost bumped into.

"Sorry ma'am!"

A few seconds later, chest heaving and legs sore, you come to a stop in the aisle, dramatically collapsing in a heap next to the buggy. Rosé checks her phone as she reaches down to poke you.

"22.18 seconds, champ," she declares victoriously, smiling when you magically regain enough energy to stand up and celebrate.

"Woohoo! Team Y/S/N (Your Ship Name) for the win!"

She laughs along at that, joining in on your celebration, but she's blushing like crazy on the inside.

-----

The Last Day Of Detention

Ever since your trip to the store, you and Rosé have grown closer and closer. You traded numbers and text occasionally, though nothing beats having her all to yourself for 2 hours straight with no distractions. She feels the same; when she's in class, she can't wait for the bell to ring and signal your reunion. Part of her wants to get in trouble again, just to see you more often.

So, as you'd expect, it's really no surprise that you're sat right in front of her again, telling jokes and asking about her day. You've grown a bit more bold with every step closer you've taken towards her heart, and now you reach down to intertwine your fingers with hers.

She happily accepts, even bringing your hand up to her lips to press a kiss to the back of it. She smiles against your skin after it, making butterflies take flight in your stomach. She's got you wrapped around her finger, and you don't even try to fight it anymore.

The sound of the classroom door opening alerts you, making her lower your hand. She doesn't let go of you, though, and that fact warms your heart for some reason. The squeaky hinges groan out again as the door opens wider, revealing about 4 or 5 people from the friend group that she hangs out with. They motion for her to sneak out with them, but she just shakes her head.

"Come on, Rosé!" They whisper-scream, offering her a way to freedom. Little do they know that she'd take this imprisonment over freedom any day, so long as you're by her side.

"No! Get out before he wakes up!" She whisper-shouts back, eventually convincing them to leave.

"Why didn't you go?" You ask once they're gone, toying with her fingers as your hands rest on the desk.

"Because I like spending time with you." She admits, letting her defenses down.

"I was hoping you'd say that," you smile, letting her know that you feel the same.

The Fallout

After detention, the two of you walked out of the school, hand in hand

"Would you maybe, I don't know... wanna go to the park with me?" She asks nervously, glancing up at you.

"You read my mind, Rosie." You smile at each other and head towards the parking lot.

You started hanging out more, and she distanced herself from her old crowd

You encouraged her to enroll in your school's art program and show her work that way

"You're really talented; it deserves to be seen."

Your support meant the world to her, and she never failed to let you know

"Thank you, Y/N. Having you behind me means the world to me."

At one of her art shows, where she was tasked with unveiling a new piece that she'd been working on for months, you got the biggest surprise of your life.

She created a mural of you, all decked out with every color of the rainbow, utterly gorgeous

She lit up when she saw your reaction

"This piece is titled 'Mine', which I hope the girl in it will soon be." She says into the microphone, looking at you with hope shining in her eyes.

You nod your head with a smile and walk up to her, pressing your lips to hers in a kiss that was long-overdue. She wraps her arms around your waist, pulling you in closer with her sweater-padded hands and kissing you again and again.

The crowd claps for you, happy to see such an ending.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Lisa

I couldn't choose between these two gifs so enjoy both for the price of one ^^^

Lisa Manoban: Cocky, smug, and self-assured. The dancer knew she was hot shit, and she wasn't afraid to show off.

You're all for people being confident and happy with themselves, especially when they're talented, but something about Lisa always seemed to rub you the wrong way.

Whether it be her lack of a filter or the arrogant swagger that she naturally exuded, you weren't sure. People wanted to either be her or be with her, but you fell into neither of those categories.

She always left you frustrated in one way or another, whether it be from her teasing or her witty comebacks

The teachers loved her, as did the students. She was the class clown, so her position was pretty sacred in the grand scheme of things

You, on the other hand, irritated her for other reasons. You were the only person she couldn't get to crack; you never gave into her charms, and it infuriated her to no end. She wasn't used to not getting what she wanted (as childish as that may seem) and having you, one of the most attractive girls at school, turn her down? Well that was a massive blow to her ego.

You weren't afraid to say your piece, and that both pleasantly surprised and upset her.

She constantly tried to flirt with you in class, but you knew it was all for the attention. She just wanted to make her friends laugh, which they always did.

"Y/N, come here babe. There's an empty seat next to me," she coos, batting her eyelashes as you walk in the door. It's a free day, so everyone is sitting with their friends, wherever they like.

"I'm good," you decline, deciding to sit against the wall beneath the large window of the classroom.

"Oooo, denied," Lisa's friends laugh at her this time, chuckling harder when she sticks her middle finger up at them.

"Yah, shut up," she says, nursing her bruised ego as she turns around and opens her phone.

You smile as you continue working on the homework you cracked open, scribbling an answer down onto the notebook paper in front of you. Your fingers glide over your textbook in search of the definition of the term you're on, and Lisa secretly watches from afar. Without realizing it, she grins when you light up upon spotting the answer.

Sometimes her flirting does work, though, and you turn into a blushing mess

*whistle* "Damn, Y/N. You're looking fine today," she exclaims, fanning herself. You worry that she doesn't really mean it, but when her eyes remain on you a second too long to just be friendly, you blush. She's taking in all of you, looking impressed all the while.

"Right back at you, Manoban." You wink, sitting down in your seat across the room. She lightly blushes back, though she does a good job of concealing it.

Considering you share a couple classes and the class sizes are relatively small, it was pretty likely that you'd end up paired together eventually

You weren't happy about it, especially not after the way she had acted that week. Her cockiness had been at an all time high as of late, leaving you frustrated and upset. She was so full of herself; all you wanted to do was wipe that stupid smirk off her face.

"Y/N, you'll be paired with Lisa," your photography teacher informs, pushing her glasses up higher on the bridge of her nose.

"But Mrs. Ta--"

"Pairings are final," she cocks her head at you, persuading you to give in. With a sigh, you respond, "Yes ma'am," and attempt to ignore the sound of Lisa's friends high fiving each other in celebration.

The Turning Point

"My parents are gone for the rest of the week..." she says, holding the door open for you as you carry in your equipment. A hint of suggestiveness lies in it; she's alluding to exactly what you think she is, and you push her shoulder upon realizing it.

"Knock it off, Manoban."

"Okay, okay," she chuckles, listening to you for once. The surprise is clear on your face.

She leads you towards the backyard, where you set up one of your highest power cameras and turn it on. You have to create a gallery of different photos, all under the same theme. You both agreed to do a time-lapse of the sunset, and take pictures of the stars after.

Once she makes sure that the timer is set correctly and that the auto shut-off feature is enabled, she motions for you to follow her back into the house. You do, and she leads you into the kitchen.

"Do you want a snack?"

"Sure, do you have any ramen?"

She nods, quickly busying herself by bending down and searching through the cabinets. After she finds it, exclaiming a pleased, "Aha!", she tells you to go get comfortable in the living room.

Three minutes later, from your place on the couch, you begin to smell something burning. You scramble up and rush to the kitchen, only to find Lisa running around like a headless chicken, attempting to put out the small fire she started.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE TO BURN RAMEN?" You shout, though your tone isn't angry. You're just very shocked, and loud about it. You push her away from the pot, albeit gently, and get the flames to go down relatively quickly. You turn the burners off and put the pot in the sink, leaning against the counter to recover from the adrenaline rush.

"Oops?" She asks more so that says, with a growing smile evident in her voice.

You shake your head and chuckle despite yourself, turning around to face her. "You can order a pizza now to make up for that." You point a finger at her, grinning stupidly when she presses the tip of hers to it.

"Your wish is my command, princess."

Thankfully you're already walking away as she says that, so she doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing you blush.

---

"Lisa, I can't keep going." You groan out, sweat dripping down your face. The pizza you ate earlier is giving you a stomache ache, paired with the physical activity you're doing.

"Y/N, just a little longer, we're almost there," she huffs out, keeping her movements steady somehow. You're a mess by now, so you don't understand how she's still going.

A couple minutes later, the TV in front of you lights up, saying, "Awesome moves! You win!" as you collapse to the ground in a heap.

Why you agreed to play Just Dance with her after eating is beyond you.

"Good job," she compliments, grabbing your hand to high five herself with it.

"Yeah, yeah," you roll over, catching your breath.

She lays down beside you as you recover, telling jokes to hear that laugh that she loves so much. She prefers yours over anyone elses, so it's always such a reward when she gets you to crack up.

"We should probably head up now," she notes, realizing that the stars will be coming out soon. You agree, and she carefully helps you up.

"Here, I'll carry you," she turns, bending down so you can get on her back.

"Lisa, you can't carry me," you brush off, feeling insecurity bubble up again like it always does when you're offered a piggyback ride.

"Y/N, I promise that I can. Trust me," she reassures, looking into your eyes sincerely.

"Alright," you sigh, standing onto the couch to get on easier.

"See?" She asks, sliding her warm hands up your thighs to keep you secured against her. "I've got you, babe."

You tuck your head into the space between her shoulder and neck, inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume.

"I'm gonna punch you if you drop me," you whisper, feeling her laugh against you.

"Fair enough."

-----

Later, On The Rooftop

"Careful," she instructs, outstretching a hand to help you climb out the window. Her camera hangs around her neck, and she takes the cap off of the lense once you're both safely sitting on the roof.

"Wow," you sigh, gazing up at the sky in wonder. Her house is far enough away from the city that you're rewarded with a gorgeous view of the stars, unburdened by the industrial fog that hangs over the cosmopolis.

"It's beautiful out here," you say, looking back at her. You tense up a bit, not expecting her to already be looking at you.

"Sorry," she laughs at herself, looking away once she gets caught admiring you.

"It's okay," you reach down and gently squeeze her hand, making her blush lightly.

"Let's get started," you conclude, pointing at the camera. She nods, knowing that she'd never get the assignment done if you didn't step in to tell her to (considering she'd rather admire you), and she points the device to the sky.

After snapping a few pictures, she lays back in order to get a better vantage point of one of the star systems. She hands it to you after she's satisfied with her work, and you take your turn with it.

She notices that you keep brushing your hair out of the way when it falls in your face, so she decides to help you.

"Here," she says, saddling up behind you. She gathers your hair up, running her fingers through it to neatly pull it up for you. Thankfully she always keeps a spare tie on her wrist.

"Thanks," you smile, snapping another picture. The simple act warms your heart; she's being selfless for once, and helping you without even being asked. It's a refreshing change of pace.

"You're welcome." She chirps, sitting back down beside you.

-----

Later, In Her Bedroom

"Oh, I really like that one!" She says excitedly, pointing at the TV. Her phone, which is connected via Bluetooth and automatically receives pictures of her choosing from the camera, is displaying some of your best shots.

"Yeah, you did really well with that. I think we might beat everyone else if we use that as our cover piece."

Your compliment makes her momentarily shy, and she quickly realizes how much she loves your praise.

The two of you continue like that, reviewing the different pictures and choosing your favorites. She always finds ways to compliment yours, noting your technique or the filter you used, and it always makes you smile. She's different than you're used to, and it's throwing you for a loop, pleasantly surprising.

---

Lisa steps out of the room to go to the bathroom a few minutes later, leaving her phone connected to the TV. A ding sounds out across the space, pulling your attention away from the stack of notes laid out before you. Your eyes dart up to the screen, reading the text message that appeared at the top of it.

Austin ⛓: "Dude, did you get into her pants yet? We're literally betting over here 😂"

You blink a few times as their words sink in, making your chest hurt. You were really beginning to believe that you had been wrong about Lisa; clearly, though, your instincts were right.

Feeling betrayed, you shove your folders back into your bag and stand from the chair, willing yourself not to cry. The sound of the sink turning on lets you know that she's almost done, so you hurry your movements and make your way towards the door. She steps out into the hall just as you exit her room, looking at you with wide eyes.

"Woah, woah, woah, what's going on?" She asks with furrowed brows, approaching you. One of her hands lands on your arm, and you shrug it off as you brush past her without another word.

"Y/N, did I do something wrong?" She asks from the top of her staircase, watching as you walk towards her foyer.

"Why don't you ask Austin?" You bitterly call over your shoulder as you turn the knob, slipping out the front door. She hangs her head upon registering your words, realizing what must've happened. She makes a mental note to give him hell when she sees him again.

Tears sting your eyes as you exit the house, wrapping your jacket tighter around yourself. You should've known something like this would happen. The chilly night air bites at your skin, stealing more of its warmth away with every step you take. The temperature doesn't change your mind, though; you're upset, and you'd rather freeze out here than be face to face with her right now.

"Y/N, wait!" She calls after you, blasting out the front foor. Her footfalls sound off behind you, announcing her rapid approach, but you don't turn around. Realizing this, she darts in front of you, keeping you from walking any further.

"Please, don't go. He's an idiot, Y/N."

"He might he an idiot, but that doesn't take away what he said," you scowl, clenching your jaw. "Betting? Really, Lisa?" You ask quietly, hurt evident in your voice.

"It was a stupid thing they tried to convince me to do. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop them from talking once you and I were paired up. That's not what I want, though. I'm not just in it for that."

"How am I supposed to believe that? This is your M.O., Lisa."

"It's different with you, I don't know why." That's a lie; she knows exactly why you're different than anyone else she's flirted with in the past.

You stand there before her, silently weighing your options. After seeing the pleading look in her eye, her dark orbs full of sincerity, you relent. "Just take me home. We'll work on it another day," you compromise, allowing her in just enough to take you home, but not enough to stay at her place any longer. You're still weary after a text like that, and you will be for a while.

"Thank you," she breaths a sigh of relief, clasping her hands behind herself as you begin walking back to her house. She notices you shiver on the way, and she slips her jacket off without hesitation to cover you. Neither of you have to say anything; one glance from you is enough for her, and she's content knowing you're warm.

The Fallout

From there on out she was always honest with you and actually spoke out when her friends tried to do something stupid

She still remained the charming class clown that she naturally is, just getting rid of the not-so-nice parts of herself

You slowly let her regain your trust, little by little

She did nice things for you on the daily, whether it be holding the door, carrying your books, or offering to buy you some lunch

"Morning, Y/N. Wanna grab some breakfast?" She asks, moving her head to the side towards the café at the center of campus.

"Sure," you smile, laughing when she celebrates.

She invites you to her dance perfomances

When she goes to championships, you're always first on her list of invites

"I want you there." She declares, handing you the flyer.

"You've got it," you decide, knowing there's no where you'd rather be. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

At said championship, she won the highest title and claimed victory for your school

You joined the rest of the team on the stage to celebrate, congratulating the solo dancer on her achievement.

"I'm so proud of you, Lis--"

She suddenly kisses you, clearly high off her win. She pulls back when she realizes what she just did, a worried look on her face.

"Shit, I'm sorry." She looks between your eyes, attempting to gauge your reaction.

"Get your ass back here," you order, feeling butterflies take flight when she eagerly presses her lips to yours again, wrapping her arms around you to spin you.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" She mumbles against your lips.

You squint, pretending to think about it. "Maybe... or maybe not."

Her subsequent gasp is quickly muffled by your kiss, which she can't seem to get enough of.

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hanazou · 4 years ago

Text

𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙘𝙝𝙪𝙪𝙮𝙖.

(while being shorter than him)

— a chaos of fun!

Word count : 1.5K

Shelf : Hardback

Genre : Romance and fluff, slight crack

Note : Sorry, anon! There was technical issue so I have to post this without your ask! I hope these are detailed enough to your expectations? I wrote more than I expected I would. Once again, thank you to the-foreigner for helping me figure out the tags!

Please enjoy!

Where have you been all his life?

To say that Chuuya would simply be attracted to you because of your height sounds shallow, so let me phrase it this way; Chuuya is so used to having look up to people since many are taller than him all his life, both men and women, so it kind of does something different to his psyche when he sees you, being shorter than him.

Not to sound stereotypical but it's a given instinct that when you see someone shorter than you, you get the impression that they're cute and it triggers your protective instinct, right? This is what Chuuya feels about you. And since this sensation is new to him, he cherishes it.

Also, since Chuuya leans more towards masculinity, in your relationship with him, you're making him feel more manly. To speak a bit bluntly and in a nutshell, you boost his ego.

You make him feel even more confident and comfortable with himself. It's not that he wasn't confident before he dates you, you're just making him bolder with more sense of control and masculinity, making him feel validated. More dominant and more alpha.

But what does all of that mean, you ask? Here's the highlight of this post; Chuuya will pamper you as your prince charming while simultaneously being your playmate. Perfectly balanced.

Why? Because seeing you being petite, smaller than him, makes you appear as someone he should protect, but the romance doesn't replace the fun. When it comes to being Chuuya's darling, things never get overly cheesy. Yes he can be romantic (he is), but he's not the type to use sweet talks 24/7. He uses his "rough" ways to communicate his romanticism, one of them being your equal, hence the "playmate" dynamic.

Chuuya tells himself that you're his cute, little darling. He will say this to you straightforwardly except the "cute" part. If he casually and accidentally calls you cute from a slip of his tongue, you can definitely tease him back to get even.

He can be the big spoon and the "top" of your relationship, but he will be a switch if he's feeling sluggish. Being the "lead" sometimes makes him need a break, not from you, but from the energy it takes. Chuuya is an emotional guy and can be downright hysterical, and that takes energy, so he will turn to you for solace when he's worn out. To achieve that, Chuuya will utilize your height to bury his face into your neck or lean his forehead on your shoulder when work wears him down.

"Stay like this for a while," His voice blurs into mutters with his face on your shoulder. "Just three minutes."

Pat his head. Do it.

If you're the one feeling low, just put your head against his chest when you're both standing. Chuuya will be confused at first, but he'll silently ruffle your hair with your forehead still against his chest. It will be calming, I promise you.

Whether you're Port Mafia or a regular civilian (I find it easier for him to date someone from the PM though), you can count on Chuuya to be protective. He's already a protective guy by nature but when he sees you, his shorter darling, anywhere close to danger, that protective instinct doubles or even triples.

In fact, he wants you to rely on him. It's not that he wants you to be dependent—Chuuya just wants you to know that he always has your back. He's the combination of loyal and protective, so he wants to prove those qualities he takes pride in to you. Trust is a strong element for him, and by letting him know you count on him, you’re already securing his utmost loyalty and love.

One of the highlights of this post is his hat. You're shorter than him and it makes it easier for Chuuya to just plop his hat on your head on random occasions. No words, no thoughts, just putting his hat on you. It's the subconscious acts of love like this that makes him feel whole with you.

Kouyou will like you for colouring Chuuya's life. She'll make comments about how you both are fun to watch at, especially when you're both doing your silly dating antics, such as "My, my, energetic as always, aren't you both?"

Speaking of dating antics--Emotional maturity? We don't know her.

Doesn’t matter if you're only 2 cm or maybe 10 cm shorter than him. He will take any height advantage and have fun with it. A little too much, in fact.

Chuuya is not above using his ability to put objects in places he knows you can't reach but is close enough for you to struggle, just to watch you squirm. Confidence does things to this man, mischief being one of them. On the instances where you really can't reach up and it's not because of his tricks, something like this is bound to happen ;

"Huh, can't reach the top shelf, can ya? Don't worry, I've got you." He says, chest huffing with pride, before getting a ladder himself.

"...."

Mostly will lift you up to help since he wants to take the small chances to bond with you over simple moments. Short people solidarity. The height boost isn't much since short + short doesn't exactly equate to being tall, but hey, it's the thought and the comedic moments that count.

Speaking of comedic moments;

"Have you reached it yet?!" He asks loudly, craning his head from below you to see upwards. You're sitting on his shoulders and he's making sure he doesn't move around too much, or else you'll fall.

"Just a little bit more—!" You grunt, arm stretched. "Lift me up more, will you? Jump or something!"

"Do you want to fall? Forget it! Just reach higher!

"Maybe I can stand on your shoulders. Hold still--"

"Oi, this vest is 60,000 yen! And this is already the highest I'm lifting you! That's enough, I'll lower you down and just use my ability!"

"No! I'm already grazing it!"

And then you both will proceed to bicker in that weird, eye-catching position, for at least 2 more minutes. It will end if you either jump off him or he floats you down using his ability, and usually it's the latter.

[Sometimes the positions will switch (you lifting him up) but he's a solid 60 kg, it will be a challenge for your muscles and a good workout routine. Good luck getting him to agree to it though.]

[If that happens, chances are your legs will wobble just within seconds from lifting him. Good thing is it increases the humour and mischief in your relationship, downgrade is that it's too silly and stupid to look at to make it feel romantic]

Want to get back at his pranks? Here's a solution. Chuuya will vaporize if you use his clothes. He's taller than you, so let's say his shirt looks like a dress on you.

"W-What do you think you're wearing?!" Is what he shouts, but his flustered face says otherwise. [Bonus: for more critical hit, wear his choker(s). It does ‘things’ to him]

Yeah it's the little things like this that boost his confidence and optimism, and you don't mind him acting like the prince charming in an armour.

If anyone calls you (or even both of you) short, Chuuya will be pissed and defend you and himself since he assumes you also don't like being mocked for your height. He takes it upon himself to "fight" for you too. He has the "we're in this together" mentality.

And so do you. If any Port Mafia's enemies try to waver your confidence or Chuuya's by mocking your heights, it's going to be hell at that point.

If Dazai ever spots you and Chuuya together in public, he will say "Congratulations, Chuuya! You finally found someone shorter to date!" just when Chuuya mumbles "What's that shitty Dazai doing here?" under his breath.

Chuuya will try to kick his face while yelling "Huh?! What'd you just said about us!?"

Don't take what Dazai said personally, he did it to get on Chuuya's nerves, not yours. Instead, why don't you hold Chuuya back so he doesn't chase Dazai?

“Don’t you ever get bored arguing with him?!” You struggle to pull him back. You have to shout to outmatch his shouts.

Chuuya will be interested in height-related shenanigans with you, such as actually reading obviously fake advertisements that promises height growth and asking you if you're interested. He will only do this with you because he knows you won't make silly/berating comments about him. As I've said, trust is the secret ingredient in dating Chuuya.

"Hey, do you think this is real?" He shows you the poster he picked up. The dirt left by his sole on it is still there.

"Chuuya," You try really hard to stop sighing. "At this point, we have to stop lying to ourselves,"

But if the advertisement doesn't sound fake, let's say it utilises supposedly "effective acupuncture techniques", you will lessen the mature act and entertain him a bit.

In short, you and Chuuya will have an energetic and youthful relationship. It doesn't matter where you two are, be it in the cities or the ground zero of battle; if you two are there, people will see one hell of a lively, energetic, short duo.

📜 ; like what you read? visit my bookshop!

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sparks-joy-imagines · 3 years ago

Note

Hello, I recently found your blog and I'm already so attached😭 I love your jjk×small boob reader since I am also part of the iddy bitty tiddie committee pxskossjakn

I was wondering if I could request some headcanons of Gojo/Sukuna with a fem reader that has uhh...inverted nipples?

Xowljsla I'm very insecure about them since it's not a very common thing for women to have but if it makes you uncomfortable to write about em I completely understand❤❤❤

Hello dear~ we’re so happy to hear you enjoy our blog❤❤❤ and of course you can and may - you are beautiful the way you are and I hope you enjoy these headcanons~ much love - mesu.

Gojō Satoru

Once, the very first time the two of you got intimate actually, Gojo made a very stupid remark about how your nipples were unusual. It wasn’t said with malice or anything, he just spoke without thinking really, but upon seeing your reaction, your smile fading and your uncomfortable shift in order to cover your chest, his heart broke and he made it his life’s mission to make you feel confident in your body again

Will casually rest his hand over your boobs whenever you are sitting next to him and he has his arm wrapped around you, he doesn’t necessarily touch your chest (unless you let him) but it’s a habit of his to shield you from looks of other people

Is very vocal about your boobs and especially nipples being his favourite physical feature of yours, claiming they make you unique

Makes sure to worship your body extensively and just knows how to use his fingers to make your nipples harden and erect within split seconds; you’ll sometimes have to stop him due to overstimulation which will result in the cutest pout you never imagined a guy like Gojo Satoru having

Will take any opportunity whenever you are braless to smooch his face right into your chest, in general if he ever was anything else than a boob guy, he is one now and you have to suffer the entire consequences

Ryōmen Sukuna

Honestly, he doesn’t quite understand the issue, as he’s in love with your boobs and nipples simply because they are yours, no questions asked.

His own body is full of imperfections and he has his fair share of battles scars or regrown limbs so he doesn’t pay too much thought to the visual aspect of things

Still, the moment he picks up on your insecurity, you can be damn sure he watches his mouth around you way more than before, just to make sure your mind doesn’t take anything unrelated he comments and makes it about your nipples.

At one instance he catches you staring at your chest in the mirror, he will come up behind you and wrap his four arms around you, he’ll press a deep kiss on your neck before his eyes flicker to your chest and he’ll hum in a raspy, deep voice, “They’re good as they are. Perfection is boring anyways”

During foreplay he adores licking and sucking on your nipples with his skilled tongue, getting a whole bunch of satisfaction of making you unravel in front of him and forgetting about your insecurities and doubts

Will also use his fingernails and tongue if you let him, yet always takes extra care not to pierce your skin as he really doesn’t want to hurt you at such a sensitive place

If anyone ever makes an uncalled for comment, they won’t live to see another day

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jjk headcanons #headcanons #text #mesu #jjk requests are open #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader

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catzula · 4 years ago

Text

Change

a/n: this is a lil brain dump bcs I've been really inactive lately, sorry!! I wrote it in one sitting and I dint really know how I feel about it but yeah

warnings: toxic relationship i think? But its resolved in the end. Angst, miscommunication, anger management issues, conflict, break-up, but as I said, resolved in the end.

honorable mentions: female reader, 1.9k words, not proofread

Katsuki Bakugou.

Many might think he's an open book, a simple, hotheaded boy with anger management issues. He doesn't know any feelings other than anger. He can't understand others' emotions, doesn't care.

They were right about him being bad at controlling his emotions, but everything else was false. Bakugou had never been a simple person, and it was rare he met someone who truly understood him. You, for instance, were the only one that had come as close to understanding him, but no one could ever understand someone fully, could they?

Still, ever since he had met you, Bakugou was trying to change, or he liked to think he did. You did, too.

You tried to ignore those times it became apparent that he couldn't, didn't, wouldn't. As much as Bakugou tried to prove to you that he was giving it his best to try and change, there were times that proved it incompetent, not enough, and even a lie.

But you always did your best to forget, suppress the thoughts. It was near impossible not to when Bakugou came back to you, an apology hanging from his lips -although never spoken-, warm hands pulling you to him for a hug.

He's trying to change, you repeat to yourself. He's trying to change.

You think of the last fight you had and shiver as he lies on you, eyes droopy with sleep, nuzzling his face to your neck as you rub soothing circles on his back. The way his back rises and falls steadily makes you smile.

It was gradually getting worse, the fights.

As the months passed and exams approached, Bakugou became even more jittery. You felt your heart sink as you remembered his spitting words, "you're not even in the hero course! How would you fucking know how I feel?" But you did. You knew your boyfriend far too well, and even though you weren't experiencing it firsthand, you could see how stressful it was for him.

"Stop fucking babying me!" He had shouted when you tried to approach him, to get him to calm down. "Can't you see I'm trying to change? I'm doing all of this for you, and you keep asking for more- I-I'm doing it for you, okay? I'm trying to become better, so stop asking for more!"

You weren't asking for more, that, you wanted to say. You were trying to-to help.

"I don't want you to do this for me, if all the reason you're changing is for me, stop! I want you to change for yourself, not for me!"

That was unfair, how he was looking at you like he hated you, like he wanted you to disappear.

It's okay, you tell yourself. Katsu's with me now, in my arms, calm, promised me he would try to get better.

And he did, too. He always did. After a fight, Bakugou became the kindest person you knew, treating you like fragile glass, showing you love in his way. And it always led you to think. This is it. No need to worry anymore, you tell yourself when he kisses you softly, oh, so- so softly that you're sure there's no way this man that's holding you like this would ever hurt you ever again. Never.

That never is never longer than a few days, though.

In a few days' time, he- Katsuki forgets. The spite comes back, the snarky comments fitted in his sentences, the slight anger in his eyes. Why is he so angry? That, you can never tell. He's furious with you all the time, even when he himself doesn't know it.

"Katsuki?" You whisper meekly, and his eyes flutter sleepily. "Do you love me?"

Yes, he wants to say, I love you more than I love myself. But it's a soft grunt you get as an answer.

It's okay, though, since you understand it well.

"Tell that extra to bring my shit back." It's a gruff sentence voiced with a fury that tears you away from your thoughts.

For a second, your heart leaps. It's Katsuki! But the feeling sinks quickly. "It's Bakugou to you." You remember when he told you that, you remember too well the way he spitted the words as if he had spitted them on your face, a lump appearing in your throat quickly. He's not talking to you, rather about you, and it stings even more. You're the extra now, an extra that has his belongings in their room and nothing else, and he can't even tell you to bring them himself. Kirishima does it for him.

A half a bottle of his perfume that was never successful at suppressing his sweet smell.

A sweatshirt of his that he knew was your favorite.

A pair of socks, pencils and some other pieces of clothing, the usual.

A full, newly-bought bottle of his shampoo.

For some reason, that last one hurts more than anything else. It's not the shampoo itself, rather the fact that it's new, that Bakugou bought it just a few days ago when breaking up was never a thought.

Why did you break-up? It's very complicated. So complicated that you don't know it yourself. But you do know that he's angrier than ever, with you even more, for some fucking reason. He can't stand the sight of you, you know, he knows, too.

Bakugou himself doesn't know why he's so angry at you. He was the one who broke up, so what gives him the right to feel like this? Why do his hands clench into fists with the sight of you? His heart beating twice as fast with fury, head dizzy, his teeth clench, he can't breathe, a tightness heavying on his chest. With anger, he repeats. All these feelings are because he's so angry with you.

The day you knock on his door, a soft thump audible from the other side of the door, Bakugou knows you brought back the box of his belongings, and he wants nothing more than to open the door and pull you in. But what is he going to do after that? He doesn't know. All he does know is that the lump in the back of his throat is because he's holding back angry shouts. His eyes are stinging with tears that are caused by anger. There is a feeling boiling in the pit of his stomach that makes him feel sick, but it must be fury.

Why did you leave it to the door? Couldn't you have waited for him to open it and look at you for once? Do you hate him that much?

You have the right, too.

Bakugou hates to see you cry.

It's so annoying, he decides one day, as he catches a glimpse of you crying in your friend's arms, hugging them, telling them how much you missed Bakugou as they rub circles on your back.

"He never deserved you, anyway." He hears them say. It makes you cry even more.

Seeing you cry always makes him feel angry, Bakugou decides.

The way he discovers the reason for his anger is in a rather sick way.

All it takes is for him to see you laugh.

It's spring, the winter you broke up is over, the feelings aren't, though.

You're laughing, and you look so pretty under the tree, body swiftly shaking with laughter that doesn't seem to end.

Bakugou knows you like spring, and he notices it's been more than a winter since he last saw you laughing like this. Even before you broke up, he realizes you hadn't been laughing as you did now. That realization stings. You always laughed, smiled when you were with him, but it had a tinge of bitterness that never seemed to go away.

For the first time, it doesn't anger him, but it hurts.

Somewhere inside, Bakugou had always been able to sense your bitter melancholy. It's a feeling you felt even when you were the happiest, but he just hadn't realized it. Like pieces of a puzzle, every other realization starts dawning on him too.

He was angry at you because you always made him feel like he could never make you happy. All he could do was make you cry, you cried and cried, whenever you were with him, and it made him feel so frustrated- he hated it, he hated, hatedhatedhatedhatesyou.

But it wasn't you, it was never you Bakugou was angry with, but it was Bakugou himself.

Bakugou hates himself for never being able to make you happy.

Bakugou was never angry at you, he realizes. He was heartbroken. All those times he thought it was fury he felt when he saw you-

People think Bakugou doesn't feel anything other than anger.

They're wrong.

Bakugou feels many other things than anger, but he doesn't know how to differentiate them.

The next time you meet, there are two changes you realize about each other.

It's a cold night, another sleepless one you let yourself feel everything you suppress during the day. You don't expect to hear footsteps approaching you, it's the dead of the night and very cold, but you freeze when you take note of the sweet smell the sound brought with it.

You can't speak, do anything other than raising your eyes that are wet with tears to see if it really is the owner of your heart.

"We need to talk."

You don't want to, but you missed his voice more than you thought, that you're unable to leave.

But it's the moment your eyes meet with his blood-red ones that you realize why he's here. For the first time in a long while, there isn't a trace of anger in Bakugou's eyes.

He looks sorry, and that night is the first time you hear him apologize to you.

Despite how much he wishes it was, this apology isn't the last.

Bakugou is flawed. He will and does make you cry, maybe more than anyone else. He knows it, and you do too. But love is a strange thing, and it took him years to realize that you would rather cry your heart out than be without him.

So this time, when he takes you between his arms and lets you cry, two things have changed since the last time you both were in this position.

1: You noticed that this wasn't going to be the last time you cried because of Bakugou.

Throughout your relationship, you hoped, prayed that fight you had was going to stay the last, it never was. This way of thinking was flawed, damaging the relationship as much as the fights did. Bakugou could feel your growing sadness, dissatisfaction, fear that you were going to fight at every smallest disagreement you had, and they did nothing but make him angry, turning the conflict into a full-blown fight.

2: Bakugou wants to change. And not for you, but himself.

He wants to be a better person. He always did, but it was only because you asked him to. He wanted to be better for you, and it was the only thing he could think of whenever you told him he had to change. Its pressuring, made him insecure, made him feel like anything he did was never enough. But this time, right then as he envelopes you and pulls you into his embrace, Bakugou wants to be a better person. Not for you, not for anyone else. He just wants to be better, and he will start here.

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on-stardust-wings · 3 years ago

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Okay, so I've been thinking about hyperfocus. (Probably warrants the disclaimer that I've never been diagnosed with anything, but at this point I'm pretty sure there's something non-neurotypical going on between my ears, and, among other things, people's descriptions of hyperfocus always really click with me as something I experience?)

Just in the last week, there have been several instances where it fit. I wrote 6k words of fic in one sitting (literally, I did not get up though it) last Sunday, and when I was done I realized I'm really fucking thirsty, I hadn't eaten since breakfast, I had no idea what time it was but apparently it was dark out, huh, my shoulders and neck were really stiff and sore, my foot was asleep because I'd been sitting on it again because I can't sit like a normal person and I should have probably been to the bathroom an hour ago. The other day, I spontaneously decided that I want my window screen thingies to be blue to fit with the rest of my bedroom, so I dug out some paint and drew on them, for several hours on a workday evening. At least since I was working on it in the kitchen, I managed to very distractedly eat something on the side, yay?

But that's not really the point I was meaning to make. Or, I was wondering why that's the main point everyone seems to be making about this kind of thing. "I got lost in The Project and forgot basic needs exist." That's the point you read in Tumblr posts about it, and, yeah, relatable, but that's like the least remarkable thing about it to me?

You read about enjoying a hyperfixation, yes. But enjoying hyperfocus? At least I've never seen the take.

But I do. Enjoy them, these weird moods. They're fucking awesome. Yes, I forget to eat and drink and stuff on a fairly regular basis when I get caught up in something, but that's so secondary to the experience to me? Like, it's so much fun to get completely lost in something? I love it. I love to exist just in the scene I'm writing, or the book I'm reading, or the weird, eccentric art project I've spontaneously had to start in my kitchen on a Thursday afternoon. But it's fun! It's fulfilling! 6k words of amazing fic I can't wait to share! (It's got very cool stuff about magical elements!) My very old white window dressings are now blue with green and blue dinosaurs on them! They look neat!

To be perfectly fair I've lost hours on cleaning my bathroom and resorting my cupboards, but, even that was, just, you know, deeply satisfying? There's so much pleasure to doing the thing I'm excited about, and then I look at what I did and it's a thing I made wow how cool is that. (I've done plenty of weird and silly projects, but I tend to enjoy the results almost as much as the process, so that's a win?)

Like, there are very few things as pleasurable and fun as a good Getting Lost in The Project thing. It's so cool to have everything else fall away. My brain is often like at least five different thoughts running away in different directions, but this? This in one thought, laser-sharp and with purpose that knows where it wants to go, and I pretty much always like where it goes. (That's where the essays come from, too. Thought zeroed in on something and now it has aim and cannot be deterred until it gets to its destination.)

And then there's the After. Yes, the sore muscles and thirsty and starving and exhausted thing. I like that, too? I've described it to a friend once, relating to writing but honestly it applies to other things, as a "writing afterglow". Tired, worn out, but deeply satisfied, like whatever mad energy was driving The Project has been burned out, but the emptiness is relieving? Feeling light and heavy at once? A (mostly) mental equivalent to that satisfying tiredness you'll get after a nice day out, the pleasant sort of tiredness? (Sometimes with writing or reading there's the "my soul has been pulled through a meat grinder" thing, but I think that's emotionally taxing subjects, not the activities themselves.)

Anyway, A++ feeling, love it, wouldn't want to miss it for the world. After the last mad writing session, I spent a substantial amount of time sitting on the floor of the shower, letting the water fall on my neck and shoulders to fix what I'd done to the poor things, but, it was so peaceful? Very nice.

I'm the opposite of "no thoughts, head empty". My brain is always full, often it feels too full, and it won't ever shut up. It's often fun, I like thinking thoughts about things, but it's also exhausting because it never ever stops.

It takes a break after one of those episodes. It'll let me sit in the shower, feeling the drops of water and the contentment of "I accomplished a thing that was a lot of fun" and that's all that's in my head. I've had troubles sleeping all my life, and I never fall asleep as well as on a night like this.

So. Hyperfocus. I like it. It's awesome. Please tell me I'm not alone on this.

#personal #I think this might be #adhd #or something like it?#I dunno #hyperfocus #brains are weird #writing #p+a

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downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles · 4 years ago

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We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 4)

[Donnie x fem reader]

sfw, chapt. 3, pt. 4 here

Sighing, you set your phone face-down after sending your last text to Bo. What an abrupt end to something that had been so good. You were confused, a little taken aback and honestly sad. You'd thought the two of you were getting along well. Bo was smart, well-spoken, funny, and all around, a really nice person. He listened to your venting and seemed like he had a response to everything. Always, he had some random fact to hit you with whether it was about biology, chemistry, astronomy, language—you weren't sure where he got all his knowledge from. He'd never mentioned school, if he went. He didn't mention a lot about himself, actually.

People come and go, someone had once told you. You guessed that he was one of those passersby, as much as you wanted it to be more.

More?

When had you started thinking that? More what?

You were tempted to pick your phone back up, to check and see if there were any new messages. Not that you could expect much; Bo had been so curt about his exit from your friendship that it was left at his last text, "Again, I'm sorry." You wanted to say something, but what was there to say? It was his decision. A sudden, uncharacteristic, and frankly odd decision, but still, his. Thinking back on it, you tried to remember any instance you might have crossed a line, or maybe said something you shouldn't have. That's what made you open up the messages again, scrolling up and up and looking for anything weird, but finding nothing of the sort. It had all been normal up until when you texted him about the clamor you'd heard outside your apartment building. And then it went flat—he didn't even respond to it, just said his apology and his goodbye before going offline.

You wanted to take your mind off it with a game, but as you looked through your list and saw the one you and him had played together, you knew it was near ruined for you. It just wasn't the same to play alone or with your acquaintances. An otherwise boring game made fun by one particular person, but now it was barely what it used to be.

Unfortunate.

The next morning might have felt more normal if it weren't for the fact that everyone was pretending like it was. For the sake of secrecy from their father. As far as Donnie knew, Splinter still didn't know anything was or had been going on, and he intended to keep it that way, too. He wanted to tell his father, he did, but all he saw coming of that was reprimanding, or at the very least an awkward discussion, and possibly, time in the Hashi. He was already feeling the aftermath of his actions; he didn't need any more. Especially as he checked the messaging app one last time, only to find it empty, aside from her goodbye.

Donnie stood at the kitchen counter, mask off and groggy as usual, scrounging for something to eat. Maybe a cup of coffee (if they had any), which he was looking for when Mikey bounced in. Normally, his brothers would avoid him when he was in one of his "moods". He hadn't a passionate temper like Raph but a slow-brewing one, the kind that festers until it's alleviated or boils over. Cold quiet was his thing.

But Donnie knew why he was here. So did Mikey. He had that familiar glint of mischief in his eye.

There was no coffee, so he settled for some kind of pastry they'd found while looking through the dumpsters. Really, the item was fine—only the packaging and appearance was defective. It was a wonder just how much food grocers wasted over arbitrary reasons, but regardless, he was happy to oblige his secret sweet tooth.

From the corner of his eye he could see Mikey waiting eagerly for him to turn around and regard him. To listen to whatever he was about to talk his ear off with. Their youngest brother was more often than not bright-eyed in the morning, something Donnie's morning fog could not always entertain. He picked at his food at the counter for a moment, mind wandering back to his night and subsequently, the unresolved feelings. Dreadfully unresolved, he groaned inside. And they probably would continue to be, as after sleeping on what had happened the previous night, thinking about her, he realized something that made his face flush. Oh, no.

He froze in his place, suddenly very awake. He looked over his shoulder and found Mikey was distracted rummaging through the food for his own breakfast, and with a faint cringe, tried to sneak out of the kitchen undetected. No way would he admit to Mikey's words on the rooftop that night, the ones that made him flinch with embarrassment. The same ones that bounced around his head despite all attempts to stuff it down. "You like her, bro."

Things involving him could never be simple, could they?

Abandoning his plate, Donnie began tip-toeing out of the room right behind Mikey. His foot hit the leg of a chair and caused a creak—he winced. As he thought, Mikey looked back, "Why are you sneaking around? You didn't finish your breakfast. Can't go on patrol on an empty stomach, dude."

Before Donnie could even answer, he continued in a whisper, "Plus—"

"Whatever it is, Mikey, not now," he cut his brother off, "last night was the end of it, alright? You need to let it go." It sounded harsher than he would have preferred, but he felt the need to drill it into Mikey's skull that it was over, that it was just something he'd have to deal with. There were a lot of things they dealt with despite not liking it. With time, he'd forget—more accurately, be able to ignore— and maybe he could find the same enjoyment in his brothers once again. That sort of friendship. But at the moment, it was ruined for him—he got a taste of something more and it was taken away what felt like second later.

Mikey's face fell. Donnie couldn't stand that, seeing him upset over something he'd said. He had a bit of a soft spot for their youngest, no doubt. Just wasn't always obvious.

"Aren't you afraid you'll regret it?" he asked, voice soft.

Fear was a strong word, but of course Donnie was anxious. It was the thing holding him back from being able to simply compartmentalize everything, to put it in a box and on the metaphorical "deal with this later because it's uncomfortable right now" shelf. Or to deal with it at all, as ignoring his problems with studying and unrelated research and experimentation wasn't exactly prime management. He knew that.

After a while of thought, Donnie was able to give him an answer. "Well…I mean, how could I not be?" he inquired in return before leaning out of the doorway to scan the lair. Everyone was either in their room, the dojo, or there, in the kitchen. Mikey has always made him feel most comfortable, and he was sure that was the case for the other three, just that they had other ways of showing it. He was certainly easy to talk to; if Donnie weren't so careful of his mouth and what came out of it, he could probably spew way more to him than he liked. Mikey could come through sometimes, though, which prompted him to keep going, "It was a big thing for me. We've been disconnected from everything else for so long that it was just...exciting, to get a look into what it's like. Being 'regular', you know?"

Mikey sat down on one of the bar stools, feet idly shuffling against the floor as he folded his arms and rested on them. "You didn't hear it from me, but I'm a little jealous," he said playfully, but Donnie was aware that it was the case. "Maybe I'm pushing you to go after her because I'm trying to live vic–vicrous–v–…"

Donnie smiled, he couldn't help it. "'Vicariously'?" he suggested.

"Yeah! That," Mikey beamed, nodding. "You get what I mean."

"I understand."

The conversation died off soon after as Donnie decided to get breakfast over with and do whatever needed to be done before they left for patrol that night, darkness falling earlier due to the upcoming winter. It wasn't too cold for them to be out yet, though, so that still meant a chilly patrol in the Autumn breeze. He hated the cold.

As Donnie was making himself busy at a circuit board in his lab, he heard the beads in the doorway shift, and to his surprise, Splinter came shuffling in.

"Sensei?"

He put down his soldering iron, spinning around in his chair. "Something the matter?"

Splinter ran his fingers along a shelf on the wall as he wandered by, careful to not disturb any of the items lining it. Beakers, recently-repaired electronic parts, projects put on pause, things that would loathe to be broken.

"There is always something," Splinter replied enigmatically, "I would not be here if that weren't true. Would you agree?"

I'm compromised!

Donnie had a strong but hidden dislike for vague speaking, even if he did it himself sometimes. When spoken to you it's much more bothersome.

Splinter waited for his answer, looking at him expectantly. "Donatello?"

"Yeah, um…yes, I would—I would agree. I suppose. So...what is it again?" Damn his stutter, he couldn't get away with anything, hardly. He was only able to stifle it just enough.

Picking a random pipette on the desk next to Donnie, Splinter studied the green liquid close for a second before his nose twitched, and he put it back down. "You have been very busy lately, it seems. What is it that you work on all day in here? Or are you playing games?"

Donnie's heart thumped. His hand found that particular spot on his neck and began to scratch, and Splinter looked at him dead in the eye. He should have known; there was no hiding anything from their father, he was too good. Stupidly, infuriatingly perceptive. Donnie caught himself scratching that spot and slid his hand away, he hadn't even noticed he was picking at it again. He knows, Mikey told him, I probably look like a guilty idiot right now, I'm—

"I haven't been playing games," Donnie blurted out.

Quizzically, Splinter gestured at the computer screen on the other wall, which had the menu of the game he'd opened up just earlier. Reminiscing over it even though it had been only a couple of days since he and his friend had last played together, but he stared at the screen as if it had been years. It made him realize how easily he'd gotten attached to that. Well, to her. He was on the fence about whether he wanted to try playing again or not and left it on.

Oh, you have to be kidding. I'm a fool in a man's shoes.

Donnie laughed uncomfortably, "You caught me, Sensei," he said, "I guess I have been playing games more often lately."

It was honest enough, right?

Splinter hummed and cupped his hands behind his back. "I see."

Straightening out, Donnie dipped his head a little. "I'll...lay off on them. Sorry for lying. I've just been really distracted recently."

"Liars never prosper, my son. Take care of yourself."

He then left.

So he didn't know. Donnie still couldn't say it with any degree of confidence, because Splinter would trip them up here and there, but it was assurance enough to know that if Splinter was aware of what had gone on between the four brothers and his new—rather, former—human friend, he would have confronted Donnie about it. Or all of them, considering it was now a secret they were all in on actively hiding. And on top of that, Raph and Leo didn't know Mikey was conspiring. Layers and layers, he sighed.

With Splinter gone, he let out a breath of relief. Too close. Much. But, swiftly evaded. A chuckle left him, not of humor, but more because he was actually feeling a little confident. Just a little. They were really hiding something from Splinter; it was reason enough to pat himself on the back, nothing got past Splinter. Except for him.

Briefly, he thought of Mikey's outlandish idea as he spun back around in his chair. "Mikey, you are crazy," he mumbled to himself as he took his soldering iron, resuming his work from before. "But..."

Chapter 5

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Saint & Leilani

Saint: How's it going? 🙂 Leilani: it's going as expected Saint: I know how to answer questions without saying anything, remember Saint: you can't fool me Leilani: I was relying on the 😇 thing to do being you pretending you believed me Saint: You'd think so, but the issue lies in if that would require me to leave you in discomfort Saint: which would be nothing but the worst manners Saint: okay, what's one thing that's been okay and what's one thing that I could help make a bit better? Leilani: the kids are extremely adorable in their costumes, I'm in support of that Leilani: & how many of the grown ups decided to go in on this too Leilani: but maybe I was hoping you were that kind of big brother & your other sisters & brothers weren't as young as they are Saint: The majority love an event, that's true Saint: I don't know if it's a genetic thing or a cultural, but it's always been like this Saint: I'm sure the twins would have you know they're very mature for their age Saint: 🤔 how about I introduce you to Mattie? Saint: She's about your age Leilani: 😅 yeah I'm considering taking one of them with me since you already made the offer Leilani: she's Jay's sister, right? Saint: Correct Saint: she's similarly more chilled out too Saint: maybe less adorable than the kids but she shouldn't object to hanging out, kidnap might be a step too far tonight but Leilani: I don't know, it's a good costume, some people would still say adorable Saint: 😅 Saint: a good opener Leilani: thanks, I'll use it Saint: 👍 have fun Saint: let me know what you think, and if I need to get my wings into gear and do more Leilani: [pretend she's been chatting to her for ages because I feel like they'd get on, soz she don't go to your school hun] Leilani: I am now so I guess your wings won't be falling off Saint: [always the way, at least you will have an ally at these functions] Saint: 😁😁😁 Leilani: take a 🍭 Saint: 😏 More counterintuitive than the sticker ⭐ Saint: definitely finding you a new dream before you wreck the 🦷 of every kid in Dublin just to fix them again Saint: very 😈 of you Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: maybe I'll become a vet if Grace agrees to the 🐱 Saint: What about the 🩸? Saint: though you seem to cope with the fake Leilani: oh yeah.... Leilani: I was only thinking about the 😁 parts again Saint: I do hate to be the 🌧 on your parade... Saint: it's pretty adorable how 🌤 you are Leilani: but you do need to step in there before I fully commit & get genuinely 🩸 splattered Saint: I can promise that without feeling I'm giving you unfair expectations Leilani: it'd be awkward if you had to take that costume off on account of being 😈 Saint: it really would Saint: the feathers aren't leaving much to the imagination as is 😬 Saint: no one wants that Leilani: you're not 👶🏽 enough to be running around without clothes Saint: Ahh Saint: so tough being the oldest Saint: suppose I should leave some 🍭 🍬 🍫 for the kids too? Leilani: I can't promise to fix your 🦷 either way Saint: I'll make sure to brush well tonight when I'm defeathering in the privacy of my own room Saint: I like your ears, by the way Leilani: I'll resist the urge to come & watch over you since you're the one who can fly & I'll never be a qualified dentist Leilani: thanks, I keep forgetting they're there so for a moment that was an unusual compliment Saint: I'll send you a picture if you like Saint: for evidence Saint: I'm sure your real ears are lovely too 😂 Leilani: what am I supposed to send you a picture back of, in line with you wanting to work for the government? Leilani: like, I could salute but that's getting into a weird girl guide territory Leilani: & I've never been camping Saint: Oh dear Saint: the less pictures I have of underage girls the better, I think Saint: too young for the scandal yet but best to start as I mean to go on Saint: my family aren't big campers, if you can believe it Saint: but I've been with my grandma, and for this young leaders thing I did last year Leilani: I probably shouldn't fill my phone with pictures of older boy's dazzling teeth either, my mum is very overprotective Leilani: was, I mean Leilani: maybe she'd come back & haunt me Saint: Potentially Saint: though I can try to assure her and you my teeth are not at all predatory, this might not come across as sincere with my pearly whites 😁😬 Leilani: if your teeth are harmless, you might need a dentist sooner than I could become one Saint: 🧛 gotcha Saint: okay, so not harmless, but your neck is safe Leilani: why do they bite their victims somewhere literally everyone can see? Leilani: I'd be more secretive if my goal was to live undetected forever in some moody castle Saint: You can cross vampire off your list too, you're clearly overqualified Saint: I think it's about that sweet, sweet jugular vein but there's plenty of others that are less of a Saint: 'look what I did' Leilani: maybe whoever wrote the 1st 🧛📕 didn't want to commit to going under the clothes Leilani: it was racy stuff already Saint: also potential code for same-sex relationships? Saint: but what wasn't 😅 Leilani: is Dracula gay? Leilani: good for him Saint: I think so? Saint: Unless I'm confusing my classics Leilani: I haven't read it before & I feel like if I do now everyone will think I'm going goth Saint: Not an impression you want to make? Leilani: not really Leilani: 🌤 > 🌧 Saint: we'll keep it secret or off the reading list Leilani: first rule of our new book club? okay Saint: You can think of the 2nd Leilani: there has to be some kind of limit on length, War & Peace is too heavy in every way Saint: which brings us nicely to rule number three then Saint: no Russian literature Leilani: 😅 Saint: but I'll leave it with the rules for now, this is a party after-all Saint: would you like a drink? Leilani: what can you offer me that's 🧃? Saint: [so the pub, 'cos always the pub, probably doesn't have sassy mocktails 'cos not the vibe but he can go make her one] Saint: any major allergies or dislikes I need to know? Leilani: no Leilani: you've got total freedom Saint: I like the sound of that Leilani: what are you drinking? Saint: [probably red wine, you seem the type, not getting crunk] Saint: 🍷 Saint: 🧛 of me Leilani: if you're coming out to me atm you have my unconditional love & support Saint: 😅 Saint: Thank you Saint: unnecessary but appreciated Leilani: oh then you want to do the most with the teeth cleaning for the pics you're sending later Leilani: I'm not 😤 Saint: As much as the before and after would be impressive Saint: you might feel a bit 🤢 Leilani: I've set myself up as way too squeamish here, I don't like the sound of that Leilani: I'm not like 🥀 Saint: it's your story to tell Saint: though I wouldn't accuse you of being a wilting wallflower type, for the record Leilani: please don't accuse me of anything on the record 😅 I'm not a Lolita type either Leilani: I haven't even had a boyfriend yet Saint: I think painting myself as that unreliable of a narrator would really undermine my public persona and the trust I aim to inspire Saint: is that purely because of having a protective mum or did your own thoughts and feelings come into that too? Saint: plus, technically, Nabokov was Russian, I don't know if we can read it? 🤔 Leilani: the behaviour of many boys my age came into it too Leilani: but maybe they'll be different at this school, your sister did say we're uncultured at my old one Saint: I can see that Saint: When did she say that? Leilani: 💬📱 Saint: 😕 Oh Saint: she can be quite Saint: blunt Leilani: it's okay, I know Saint: She doesn't always think before she speaks, which is definitely a bad habit Saint: but I'm sure she didn't mean that to sound so...that Leilani: I'm sure she put more than enough thought into everything she said Saint: I'm sorry Saint: I would talk to her, see why you got off on the wrong foot but I'm not so out of touch to not realize that would potentially do more harm than good Saint: I think she's insecure, for context, she didn't get into the school she wanted to go to Leilani: I know why, but I'm not sure I would've been able to approach it differently, even if I should've Saint: Is it strictly girl's business? Leilani: what does that even mean, St? 🤔 Saint: Well Saint: code for none of my business perhaps Saint: in this instance, at least Leilani: it's not becos you're a boy, it's becos you're her brother Saint: Okay Saint: if it helps, I know how she can be, and it's not because of you, it's a her thing Leilani: it doesn't help but that's more becos you tried to tell me how she could be & I rose to it anyway Saint: I could've been clearer Saint: I didn't want to seem like I was insinuating you couldn't talk to her, or something like that Saint: and I don't want to talk badly about anyone, even if it is at times warranted, she's not, you know Saint: 👿 Leilani: I found out for myself, that's the fairest way Leilani: & I'm sure I overreacted once I was 😤 Saint: I know it would make this easier, if you were to get on Saint: but just know you're under no obligation to Saint: with any of us Saint: if nothing else, I can assure she'll give you a wide berth if she has nothing pleasant to say Leilani: maybe we will in the 2nd attempt Leilani: my moods are all over Saint: Now that is girl stuff, correct? 😏 Saint: it's very possible Leilani: that's getting into weird 🧛 territory Leilani: I meant becos I'm 💣💥 by grief not being a girl Saint: Joke in poor taste at the expense of your hormones Saint: 🤐 Leilani: becos I'm a girl is never an excuse for anything, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie I have read some of Saint: My sincerest apologies Saint: you'll have to educate me Leilani: thank god for book club Leilani: you're fine though, losing my mum isn't an excuse either according to your sister Saint: She really said that? Leilani: yeah but she's just the 1st, I don't think she'll be the only Saint: But that's just Saint: bullshit Leilani: she doesn't think so, she built an entire argument around it Saint: even if you were using it as an excuse, which I see no evidence of Saint: it's a pretty valid one Saint: and it's just so Saint: callous to even suggest that, never mind assert it Leilani: it's about her, I dared to say she shouldn't make fun of Grace & by extension treat all of you badly Saint: That is a sensitive topic for her Saint: but still Saint: THAT is no excuse to behave like that Leilani: she's been looking at me like she's got every reason to be 😤 Leilani: 🙏 we're not face to face 🗨 Saint: I'll distract her Leilani: 😇 Saint: [do so boy, soz to you lol, sure she's being a delight] Leilani: [do the salute you're not gonna send him a picture of lol] Saint: [casually meet eyes over this party moment] Leilani: [what a #mood] Saint: [honestly Venus can leave early anyway we all know why you're here and you probably have somewhere else to be hoeing it up] Leilani: [yeah exactly, as much as I hate that you're like this, we know it's real] Leilani: thanks Saint: no problem Saint: I learnt not to bite a long time ago 🎣 Saint: not that that's on you, but you know what I mean, diplomacy is my friend Leilani: does she know she's helping you in your career goals? Saint: I have to assume not Saint: unless she thinks I need a running mate 😨😅 Leilani: in that costume, it'd be a stretch to 💭 that Saint: Don't even get me started on that Leilani: if you don't want to drop your workout secrets that's your choice Saint: Oh no, I was talking about hers, sorry Saint: she's really gone with the Elle Woods thing...which is just a bit strange Saint: dad's a lawyer so Saint: yeah Leilani: oh... Leilani: an extra dimension has been added Leilani: I thought she was going with Regina George Saint: easy mistake to make Saint: sure she'd say as much if I said anything Leilani: she'd say worse about both of ours probably Saint: she got her 🎁 she should be in a good mood now Leilani: why is she getting 🎁 on your dad's birthday? Saint: Right, you're an only child Saint: when you're little, and you went to birthday parties, did you ever get mad that you weren't getting any gifts or attention? Saint: it's that Leilani: I can't relate Saint: What did you and your mum do for your birthdays as a kid? Leilani: she liked to throw me a party, on theme for whatever I was super into that year Leilani: smaller scale than this but all my friends would be there Saint: Sounds like a good time Leilani: it was Leilani: what did you do? Saint: My birthday is Christmas day Saint: 💔 Leilani: I'm sorry Saint: 😅 It's not really that bad Saint: it would be if you minded Saint: but I still get presents and to see all the family so Leilani: I still feel like I should buy you a 🎁 in the summer Saint: that's when I'd have parties with friends as a kid Leilani: you don't have those parties any more? Saint: Not really my scene now Saint: I'm alright with Vee claiming that kind of attention Saint: I usually get dinner with friends as close to my birthday as we can without all the office parties being out in full force Leilani: 🍷 Leilani: very you Saint: Is that my branding? Leilani: would you like a rebrand? Saint: I'm not 😤 Saint: just curious about your 💭 Leilani: it's very blood of christ 😇🙏 Leilani: so fitting Saint: That wine is very bad though Saint: 😝 Leilani: maybe they don't want to promote 🧛 Leilani: if you drank my blood it probably wouldn't taste nice Saint: Why not? Saint: Not admitting a desire to do so with that Leilani: I don't know becos it's 🩸? Saint: 😂 Saint: Fair point Saint: just wanted to see how you'd put me off yours specifically Leilani: we'd circle back to me being underage Saint: do you think vampires ask for identification first? Leilani: no, but in this case you know how old I am Saint: I'm not going to suck your blood Saint: you have my word Saint: and I invited your here, sort of Saint: you'd have to invite me in Leilani: ignoring that being what someone who was about to drain me would say, you must've been to Grace's house before Saint: Probably? Saint: not as if I'd have much call to be there though Leilani: I'm honoured that you're looking for an invite now Saint: I never said that Leilani: 🤔 Saint: I said you would have to invite me over if I were to go all 🧛 Saint: so you're perfectly safe here and now Leilani: [giving him a look like okay boy] Saint: [little lol like okay fair enough] Leilani: [a smile back, excuse us everyone] Saint: [i'm like who a nosy hoe here 'cos I'd be 👀] Leilani: [well Astrid would just say it and we know she's there LOL] Saint: [truuu but she is an innocent soul so she probably just thinks he's being more friendly than his face usually suggests lol] Leilani: [I like to think the twins know what's up, they're sassy] Saint: [be those cheeky children who embarrass you] Leilani: [definitely & Matilda is probably 👀 on this vibe] Saint: [is cute] Leilani: [love that you're being less serious rn sir] Saint: [it's out of character enough to be a Thing™ like he's not a dick but he doesn't have to go this hard for anyone in the fam like protection, caring mode obvs so it'd be like oh hey] Leilani: [enjoy that fam, I know some of you adults are nosy hoes] Saint: [lol the goss, god bless] Leilani: what did you put in this drink? Saint: What? Saint: Nothing? Leilani: no, I mean like ingredients Leilani: it's nice Saint: Oh Saint: [whatever sassy concoction we've made 'cos you'd have that knowledge even if you don't party that hard 'cos Ruster kid] Leilani: 😄 Saint: you like it? Leilani: it's delicious Saint: 😁👍 Saint: Do I get a sticker now? Leilani: yeah Leilani: & more 🍭🍬🍫 Saint: the kids are gonna hate me Saint: better share or get mobbed Leilani: I could just invite you over to eat what the trick or treaters didn't before we got here, you know Leilani: keep you 😇 Saint: You really want to secure my spot in heaven Saint: My acceptance would hugely depend on what 🍭🍬🍫 was on offer Leilani: [the list of everything Grace bought and we know she's extra so] Leilani: so you see, I'm thinking of my own 😁 Saint: Did she expect the whole of town to show up or? Saint: I better intervene before you look like a 👶/👵 depending on how you think about it Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: I think she's expecting me to eat my feelings Saint: Nice to have the option Saint: perhaps not at the detriment to your 🦷 or 🩸 sugar though Leilani: we'll pretend midnight snacks don't count Saint: No calories after midnight, everyone knows that Leilani: the later it gets, the less there are? Leilani: becos we'll definitely still be here later than that Saint: Might even get to breakfast Saint: what would you have then if calories didn't exist? Leilani: for breakfast? Saint: Yes Leilani: 🥞🍨🍓🍫🍒 Saint: Well that just sounds 😇😇🤤 Saint: Perhaps we can go make that happen when we finally leave Saint: or will Grace object, take on that protective role fully Leilani: taking advantage of her fear of overstepping isn't very 😇 but it is honest Leilani: & this isn't a date date Saint: Not my intention, though if you think that would be a direct impact then perhaps we shouldn't Leilani: it's okay, it's just breakfast Leilani: the calories don't even count so it can't hurt Saint: It is Saint: I wouldn't want anyone to think differently Leilani: start as you mean to go on, I recall it Saint: I mean Saint: that wouldn't be right, would it Leilani: if people think something else is happening to what is, it's easy enough to set them straight Saint: Why would they even think that Leilani: retro 💭 Leilani: you can't spend time with anyone of the opposite sex unless they're interested in the same or you're interested in them Saint: It's just ridiculous Leilani: yeah, but you are 😇 & the fittest so I can't blame people for thinking I would be Saint: I assume people would think that's the last thing on your mind Saint: but maybe I'm giving too much credit Saint: most conversations seem to end up back to when am I going to get another girlfriend Leilani: that joke you made about my girly hormones works for my age too Leilani: especially becos I haven't had a boyfriend Saint: 🙄 Saint: It isn't the be-all-end-all Saint: trust me Leilani: not a classics 📚 way of thinking Leilani: if this was Russian Lit you'd die for her Saint: that's why their particular brand of melodrama is banned Saint: and 'she' doesn't currently exist, as I said, unless you'd like me to pledge my undying, unwavering love to the idea of women in general Saint: I can knock up a speech now Leilani: sounds like fun Leilani: go ahead Saint: 😅 Leilani: not the answer you wanted? Leilani: if you offer me a speech, I'm gonna say yes Saint: I need some time to write it Saint: I also need to find a pen Leilani: [hands him a pen in a sassy manner because she would have a handbag with this outfit] Saint: [the ultimate cliche of lingering when you take something lol] Leilani: [when you can't keep the sass up cos you gotta smile at him again like...I love to think about everyone watching this] Saint: [obviously we're smiling back and being all bashful like gotta go find some paper] Leilani: [looking in that handbag for something he could write on but there's nothing because she's not that hoe carrying everything but the kitchen sink so a cute 🤷🏾 like soz] Saint: [go find a napkin to write this speech about love and womens on then find her and give it to her and hope no one else reads it 'cos that is pure flirtation if I ever saw it] Leilani: [we're keeping that napkin hens & soz Matty even though we BFFs you're not reading it luv] Leilani: okay, I'd vote for you 🗳 Saint: [not explaining that inside joke hun we have no time sorry] Saint: That's all I really wanted from you, naturally Saint: 😈 Leilani: I'm naturally powerless to do anything but swoon, we've gone full classics now Leilani: you got what you really wanted there Saint: Having you powerless to my every whim and will sounds like another genre than classic to me Saint: unless you'd like to state your case for 50 Shades Leilani: 😅 I need to read it 1st Leilani: so thanks if you're choosing it for book club Saint: Top of my reading list, I just needed the excuse 😏 Leilani: isn't there like a whole series? Leilani: you'd know Saint: I officially decline to add that to my brand, thank you Leilani: I get why, you're angry she wrote out the vampires, obviously Saint: Precisely Saint: What kind of discrimination... Leilani: [a lil irl lol like peeps aren't getting enough of a show with this] Saint: [😍] Leilani: [I hope you're re-reading that napkin or talking to your bff right then cos if you see them 😍 you'll die] Saint: Who's costume do you think would win? Leilani: your dad's Leilani: the birthday boy has to win Saint: just because it's his birthday or Leilani: yeah, Grace's is the best Leilani: I chose it for her Saint: 😅 If you do say so yourself then Leilani: if you're arguing it's becos you want me to hype up yours more Leilani: she looks amazing Saint: I'm simply saying on your 2nd go you and Vee should get on like a house on fire Leilani: 😧 Saint: It's not a bad thing Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: okay, who do you think should win? Saint: You have things in common, is the point Saint: I don't know, the kids are probably the most imaginative Leilani: what things? Saint: 💅💄👗 and thinking you're very good at them Leilani: I think I did a good job at picking her specific outfit tonight Leilani: you don't have to say it like it's a bad thing Saint: I didn't Saint: I specifically said it wasn't Leilani: sure Saint: I'm sorry if that's how you took it Leilani: I'm sorry if that's what I look like to you Saint: What, interested in how they present themselves? Saint: I don't see why you'd apologize for that Leilani: up themselves Saint: I didn't say that Leilani: I don't know how else you expect me to take thinking I'm very good at something Leilani: you didn't even say I was very good at it Saint: Does it matter what I think? Leilani: not if it's that I have an ego the size of your sister's Saint: I meant it as a good thing Saint: I don't know what else to tell you Leilani: I don't know what else to tell you other than that's not how I took it Saint: And I said sorry so that's that Leilani: yeah Saint: Don't think about it, it really didn't mean anything Leilani: I won't cause a big scene about it either way Saint: Just enjoy your evening, okay Leilani: I am Saint: Good 🙂 Saint: that's all anyone wants Leilani: I didn't mean to get all 💣💥 it just upset me, what she said Leilani: so you saying we're alike isn't something I want to hear atm Saint: I understand Saint: that's fine, it was the wrong thing to say Leilani: it isn't fine, she's the one who got to me, not you Leilani: I'm sorry Saint: I was insensitive Saint: I just don't like conflict Saint: but it can't always be straightened out so easily Leilani: I will have a 2nd go when I see her at school Leilani: maybe it'll get straightened out Saint: How are you feeling, about school? Leilani: stressed Saint: I bet Saint: it'd be weird if you weren't Saint: but you seem to be good at making friends so you'll be okay Leilani: but that was before, now I'm not gonna know if they feel sorry for me Leilani: or think they have to be nice to me Saint: Do people have to know? Saint: You need a story why you've moved school, but it doesn't strictly have to be the full truth, or the truth at all Leilani: Venus knows, I'm not having her catch me in a lie Leilani: anyway, it's what happened Leilani: I can't escape it by lying Saint: Fair enough Saint: it is the best policy, after-all Leilani: it wouldn't be fair to my mum to change the story, she can't Saint: That makes sense Saint: disrespectful Saint: well, I think, however unfortunately, that people's sympathy only extends so far Saint: you might lose some, but you will find out who your real friends are with time Leilani: there's that word again Leilani: time Saint: I think it's pretty unavoidable Saint: it sounds worse than usual Saint: but people you think are your friends can turn around and not me Saint: for any reasons, it isn't that this is happening, or going to happen just because of your mum Saint: you know? Saint: It doesn't sound comforting, it isn't Leilani: it is a little bit Saint: People are flaky Saint: you just notice when you could use some of them to not be Leilani: who hurt you? other than the girls you're unwilling to die for, I mean Saint: What? Saint: No, no one Leilani: your friends haven't? Saint: I'm fine 🙂 Leilani: I don't believe in 🙂 Leilani: give me a real one 😁 Saint: [IRL 🙂] Leilani: [IRL 😁] Saint: [looking awayayayay] Leilani: [getting him another 🍷 because you are soz you kicked off] Saint: [just like 'who served you?' 😏 bants 'cos he's not even old enough yet either] Leilani: [we just loling because this is a fam function and everyone knows it's for him but asking if she can try it, to which I say don't do it gal wine is gross] Saint: [offering it but warning her it's an acquired taste 'cos truly] Leilani: [taking a sip and her face would be ICONIC because ew, just don't spit it back into his glass babe] Saint: [loling and asking if she wants another mocktail instead] Leilani: [a hard yes because need that taste out of our mouth] Saint: [go get that boy] Leilani: you should've written a speech about why you like drinking 🍷 Saint: A toast would be more fitting Leilani: shorter & easier too Saint: and more warmly received Saint: especially by this crowd Leilani: 😅 Leilani: [gives him the pen back like there you go then] Saint: [swap that for her drink and get to 🤔] Leilani: [take a sip so he can see your happy face when you taste it compared to a second ago] Saint: How am I meant to argue with that? Leilani: I'm not doing your work for you, St Saint: 🥺😏 Leilani: maybe you could compare it to a girl, that was a very good speech Leilani: [re-reads it] Saint: Acidic...bitter...goes straight to your head and stays there 'til the next day Leilani: disgusting, leaves a horrible taste in your mouth Leilani: makes you say things you maybe don't mean Saint: might get half the room to raise their glasses Saint: if they're feeling brave Leilani: if they're feeling 💔 Saint: Yes, that too Leilani: there must be some reasons why you drink it, other than frustrated vampirism Saint: the 💔 obviously Leilani: you said you were 🙂 fine Saint: Philosophical 💔💭 Leilani: what does that mean? Saint: I'm just theorizing on it Saint: no personal experience worth noting Leilani: ... Saint: We don't need to bring the party down with my non-issues Leilani: no announcements, just me Saint: Alright Saint: but only because you don't want to be treated different, not because I think it's important or a big deal or anything at all Saint: I did have a girlfriend, 'til quite recently Saint: but no one here knows that she cheated on me, and that's why I ended things Saint: with one of my friends Leilani: how 🍷 of her Leilani: are they together now? Saint: I'm not sure Saint: Guess I'll see at School Leilani: how long were you with her? Saint: About 2 months shy of a year Leilani: that's horrible, that she didn't end it properly Saint: Yeah Saint: we were really alike Saint: I thought Leilani: we're both dreading school, I wish that was more comforting Saint: I don't want to complain, like it's anywhere near the same Leilani: it doesn't have to be the same to be something we can talk about Saint: I know Saint: it's just Saint: I already feel stupid without complaining to you Leilani: she did something stupid, you don't have to feel like that Saint: I do though, we're a close group Saint: they're both in all my classes pretty much Saint: then I think that the rest of them had to know Saint: so, what does that mean for all of those relationships too Leilani: you won't know what it means until you know whether they were keeping it from you or not Leilani: but you get to decide what happens next with those friendships either way Saint: People pick sides, and even if they already haven't Saint: it won't be the same Leilani: maybe it shouldn't Leilani: if they've picked his side or hers, you deserve different than that Saint: It's my last year Saint: bit late for all that anyway Leilani: if you go into it with that attitude, yeah Leilani: you wouldn't say it's too late for me Saint: You have time, and reason to make it work Leilani: you too Leilani: we haven't known each other long, claiming you need years is a stretch Saint: This is different Saint: I don't know how to explain it Leilani: join a club with me or something, we'll make new friends together Saint: 😅 What kind of club? Leilani: I don't know Leilani: obviously not the Russian Lit appreciation society Saint: Maybe they'll have an anti-appreciation society Leilani: 😅 it'd be popular & so would we Saint: You will be Leilani: there must be genuine clubs you are interested in 🤔💭 & I'll sign up too Saint: I have lots of extra-curriculars Saint: but there's probably a few left out there I haven't tried Leilani: great Saint: What do you want to do? Saint: Sports, music, etc... Leilani: my only demand is no swimming Saint: The chlorine? Leilani: the cap I'd have to wear Leilani: not cute Saint: 😂 Saint: [and IRL] Leilani: hey! I'm serious Saint: Okay, no swimming Saint: we have a pool anyway Leilani: oh, good idea, throwing a party would be a good way to meet people Leilani: 💅💄👙 instead Saint: Hold on, who said anything about a party Leilani: me Leilani: just then Saint: It's a bit Leilani: ... Saint: You do know my sister lives at my house too, right? Leilani: she told me she's back & forth to Paris, can't we do it when she's 🛫? Saint: Not as much as she wishes Saint: I mean, I suppose you could Saint: long as you don't post it all over socials and trash the place Leilani: we could Leilani: the point is, you're there too Saint: A pool party full of underage girls? Saint: I don't know if that's the right direction to be going in Leilani: the 2nd point is, they won't all be underage or girls Saint: Well as mentioned, I don't exactly have a lot of older boys to invite Leilani: that's why we join a club 1st Saint: How many steps does this plan have then? Leilani: I don't know Leilani: it depends how those go Saint: You're funny Saint: And I don't mean that in any way but the words I'm saying, for the record Leilani: I'll be proud becos your laughter is transformative Leilani: it makes you look & me feel really different Saint: Those are some pretty persuasive words Saint: maybe you should write the speeches Leilani: I'll add speech writer to my vision board when I get back Saint: You could do it for me Saint: if that wasn't such a 🥱 prospect Leilani: I think it could be fun Leilani: but what's my cut? Saint: Paying staff is part of a MPs fabled expenses Saint: we can make that wage up as we go along Saint: as long as people don't think I'm favouring you for any reason beyond your 🖋🗯 Leilani: [bats her eyelashes at him in an OTT manner like who would ever think that] Leilani: 😅😅 Saint: [😏] Saint: you'd get to live in London, if you wanted Leilani: who wouldn't want to live in London? Saint: It certainly has its charms Leilani: 🛍🌃💃 Saint: Those are some Leilani: add yours then Saint: 🏛 🛥 ⛪️🚇 🕌 🚖 🕍 🎭 ☕️ 🍷 🍽 Leilani: I was with you until 🍷 Leilani: still, you can show me around before I start work Saint: It's a deal Saint: maybe you'll like white, or rose Leilani: let's see Leilani: [goes off to get wine like] Saint: It takes time Saint: to acquire the taste Leilani: to kill your tastebuds Leilani: [imagine the scene of her with a glass of wine in each hand taking a sip from each and making different but as ICONIC faces of disgust, we're giving them to Matty, fill your boots gal] Saint: How many 👎s? Leilani: as many as poss Saint: 😅😅 Saint: Stick to juice Saint: apart from being bad for your 😁 and the possibility of a sugar high Saint: better option all 'round providing you brush Leilani: is this where you ask for photographic proof back? Saint: 🤔 Saint: I think I trust your dedication to pearly whites Leilani: thanks Saint: You seem...disappointed? Leilani: do I? Leilani: trust is nice, I'm not 😤 Saint: Good Saint: you can send me evidence if you want Saint: maybe your breakfast 'gram, if it lives up to the expectations Leilani: aren't you gonna be there? Saint: Didn't we decide that might not be a good idea right now Leilani: I've only had 3 sips of wine & I don't remember agreeing so Leilani: no? Saint: I don't want my eyes scratched out 💅 Saint: you did a good job on the 😱 factor on her Leilani: I don't have my 🐱 yet Leilani: you can be scared then Saint: You are a 🐱 Saint: so had I better come or else Leilani: if we share the 🥞 you'll be helping curb my chances of a sugar rush & cavities Saint: So that's the for argument Leilani: yeah & I'll keep being funny Saint: You're meant to do against now 😏 Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: the risk of your own sugar rush & cavities Saint: 😂 Saint: I would hate for you to think I'm scared of a little sugar Leilani: 🧄 & 🌤 right? Leilani: or maybe underage girls & unreliable narrators Saint: I'm the unreliable narrator underage girls are scared of Saint: except I'm not, obviously Saint: I'll take vampire rumours over that any day Leilani: at least that means you won't take some other girl for breakfast on the morning of my 16th birthday Saint: That would be very cinematic Saint: but also very rude Leilani: 💔😿 Saint: You'll have to tell me when it is so I can keep it free, avoid the 👿 Leilani: [her birthday whenever we decide that is] Saint: It's in the diary Leilani: 📱 or 📖? Saint: I have both Saint: but I'm not quite that nerdy that I've brought my paper one to a party Leilani: I was just 💔😿 that you borrowed a pen from someone else Saint: Okay, so that's pretty 🤓 Leilani: excuse you, it's not my fault I don't have 20:20 vision Leilani: 🕶🖤 Saint: You aren't that blind or I'd have noticed by now Leilani: I'm wearing contacts Saint: I mean 🕶 is a bit of an exaggeration Leilani: it's a cute emoji, I'm sorry Leilani: & 🤓 is not good teeth representation for me Saint: [actual lol] Saint: Okay, you can have it Leilani: [actual 😍] Leilani: thanks boss Saint: [try not to 😳] Leilani: [use your skin tone to save yourself boy] Saint: wait 'til the tour to decide if you accept Leilani: becos what happens on tour stays on tour or? Saint: depends how much evidence you collect 📸 Leilani: you're the 😇 Saint: Allegedly Leilani: it's your own promo Leilani: meaning you could also convince me you're 😈 Saint: I don't see the benefit in that Leilani: [a LOOK like] Saint: I'm not going to convince you of anything 😈 with just words Leilani: I definitely don't remember making it a words only rule Saint: 🤐🤔 Leilani: ... Saint: [miming both again but we're smiling] Leilani: would you like to dance? in classic 📚 it's totally scandalous Saint: As long as we leave appropriate room for God Leilani: I think if I was fully playing by my god's rules you'd have to be in the next room Leilani: & I'd be wearing 🧕🏾 instead of ears Saint: That would make your outfit very confusing Leilani: this outfit is too tight to be islam approved Saint: [show up to dance like lemme take a closer look] Leilani: [we're having a moment & all I can think about is Grace peeping] Saint: [peeping in a costume which just makes it more amusing some reason] Leilani: [it's happening but I am gonna cockblock this before it goes too hard by saying she starts crying because she can't wait to tell her mum about this & realises she can't #beentheregal] Saint: [oh baby] Leilani: [so then we embarrassed & have to go outside cos there's always peeps in the toilets at any party/fam function] Saint: [at least as Grace is peeping she can follow you and deal 'cos we're gonna assume that isn't what you want him to do] Leilani: [when you wanna go home because mortified especially since he hasn't followed so you think he's mortified but you also don't because you were and are having fun which is the whole reason we cried like #ohjoy thank god Venus is not here] Saint: [we're in actuality worried like oh we shouldn't have done that/any of this lowkey] Leilani: [lowkey outside for ages until Grace is probably freezing to death so we're back but NOT looking at him because dying] Saint: [the awks, go make yourself busy boy] Leilani: [when you're avoiding him but you don't want him to avoid you] Saint: [a mood, at least it is your dad's bday so you can make it look not blatant] Leilani: [maybe this is a good place to end the convo, like it's rude to them but legit] Saint: [agreed, like, can't really come back from this tonight, you will be going home soon gal and breakfast is not happening today] Leilani: [it'll be a hilarious awks but good starting point for the next convo we do like yeah soz I sobbed on you sir]

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hamsahands · 5 years ago

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Prison Abolition 101

The iconic activist Angela Davis tells us that prison reforms will always fall short because the prison itself is a reform, a reform from the heavy reliance on bodily and capital punishments. The history of prisons is prison reform. What if I told you that the prison system is not broken, but works exactly as it was intended to.

There is a quasi religious belief that we need prisons. We seem to forget the autonomous Black towns that would have thrived during Reconstruction had it not been for deeply ingrained white supremacy (see Black codes). We think prisons are integral to the structure of our society when they don't have to be, which is when we arrive at prison abolition.

While prison abolition seeks to end mass criminalization, incarceration, and policing in all of its forms, it's also unlearning the mentalities of fear, racism, and punishment that gave rise to the construction of prisons in the first place.

To live in the United States is to live in a state of perpetual, collective fear. Social media and news outlets pumping paranoia into our consciousness in 24 hour news cycles. We live in a united state of anxiety. Fear feeds into implicit bias, which inherently impairs policing, leading to criminalization, deportation, and mass incarceration.

We are afraid we're not safe, and we should contend with the notion of safety. Does our safety rely on the presence of police and prisons, or can our communities cultivate that safety on their own, if socioeconomic needs are addressed.

Prison abolition is a collective imagining of a world in which all of our physical (health), mental, social and economic needs are met. Famed abolitionist Ruth Wilson Gilmore describes this as a world where interpersonal harm, economic need, and social and health vulnerability are things of the past.

Prison abolition is understanding the symbiotic relationship between institutional violence, state violence, and intimate violence, as well as recognizing the tensions that allow them to fester. It's being mindful of racism, sexism, and toxic masculinity when raising our kids. Political theorist Cedric Robinson tells us that experience is important, but consciousness is what matters. Prison abolition is not just a new socioeconomic order, but a consistent, ubiquitous practice of mindfulness.

Abolition means not using prisons to solve social issues. It means dismantling white supremacy on an institutional, political, economic and social level. It means not criminalizing queerness and targeting trans and gendernonconforming persons. While also addressing job discrimination, transphobia, and toxic masculinity which exacerbate the rates of incarceration, suicide, and murder of trans people.

It means not criminalizing drug addiction, homelessness and immigration. Immigrants and migrants generate huge profits for privatized detention centers, which are often unsanitary, overpacked, and rife with abuse. It's not using prisons to address poverty in what sociologist Loïc Wacquant calls the carceral management of the poor.

It means addressing violence with restorative justice practices, and understanding that violence harms both the perpetrator and the victim. It's thinking of 'crime' differently, for instance, vagrancy as a symptom of economic inequality instead of criminality. Prisons simply isolate the symptoms of social ailments, but abolition aims to cure the ailment itself.

While abolition inherently involves compassion, there are people with violent intentions who try (and succeed) to inflict irreparable harm, and they're not going away any time soon. However, prison abolition is not an immediate solution, but a gradually practiced methodology. It is not simply a new solution, but a new order to how we organize and maintain our relationships, communities, and societies.

'But what about murderers and rapists?' As if politicians, police, priests, and presidents have never fit into that demographic yet never see the inside of a cell. The carceral system cannot be redeemed because its main source of profit is disproportionately black and brown, while eating the poor of all colors and ethnicities for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Abolition is the solution because the criminal law system can be bought. It let's men with $500 million fortunes like Jeffrey Epstein serve 13 months work release for soliciting a 17 year old girl for prostitution, only 3 years after a parent of a 14 year old girl complained to the police that Epstein molested her child. But poor black men like Eric Garner take their last unassisted breaths on the pavement with a cop's arm around their neck for selling cigarettes. The disparity is disgusting, and it is intrinsic to an inherently racist prison industrial complex.

Abolition also means imagining what kind of an economy we should have as the richest country in the history of the world. Abolition undoubtedly means destroying the plutocratic capitalist class that owns 95% of this country's wealth, and redistributing that wealth amongst the people.

Abolition is a lot to process for people who have never imagined a world without prisons and police, and by no means do I think any of this will happen overnight or even in my lifetime (I'm 25). I also realize that most of this is broad, but abolitionists have developed specific tactics to address immediate needs that work toward education, divestment, decarceration, and harm reduction. While I will celebrate (most) prison reforms in the meantime, for me and other likeminded individuals, abolition will always remain the goal.

https://www.blackandpink.org/

#abolish prisons #abolish ice #abolish borders #abolish gender #abolish capitalism

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babylon-bitch · 7 years ago

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Just Friends ~ I'm Scared Of Myself (part 56)

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

Warnings: mentions of depression and language

***

“Bye mum, I’ll text when I land, see you soon.” I say.

“Have a safe flight, tell Angus to text me back, and tell Josh to Skype me again soon. Tell everyone I love them, bye.” She replies.

“Bye dad, hopefully I’ll see you soon enough.” I smile at him.

“Be careful, and study hard, bye we love you.” He pulls me into a hug.

“Love you guys too, bye.” I wave and turn around, making my way further into the airport.

After a while I’m all sorted, I’ve gone through security and now I’m just waiting for my flight back to England, which is going to be a long time, but I’ve got a book and my laptop so I’ll be good. There’s also a load of shops so I won’t be going hungry any time soon.

Slouching in my seat, I begin to respond to some emails, from viewers and companies.

“Harper?” Someone’s voice questions.

I look up and see Ashton and Calum.

“Oh, hey! What are you doing here?” I ask.

“Turns out we have a meeting in London before tour starts again. I didn’t know you were flying out today.” Calum explains.

“Well I thought I should get back because I’ve already missed so much school, so yeah. I also thought I should see a therapist quite soon, because if I’d get one in Australia, there’d be no point if I’d only be here for a couple days.” I tell them.

“Understandable, I can’t believe we’re getting on the same flight without know.” Ashton says.

“Yeah, what a coincidence.” I sigh. “Where’s Luke and Michael?”

“Somewhere over there, they’re talking to some fans or something.” Calum points to his left.

“Right, so what are you doing after your meeting?” I ask.

“We’re staying there for a couple more days, before we head to somewhere in Germany.” Calum replies.

“It’s gonna be so fun to get back on the road again, I’ve missed it, playing on my own in my room just doesn’t do it for me.” Ashton adds.

“Hey guys- Harper?” The voice of Michael Clifford fills my ears.

“Hello.” I nod and notice Luke walking towards us.

“What are you doing here?” He asks.

“What does it look like?” I deadpan.

“You’re gonna punch me?”

“Ugh, you annoy me so much, I’m so tired.” I groan.

“It’s like 8 in the evening you old lady.” Calum tells me.

“I was up most of the night, so cut me some slack.” I reply.

“Hey?” I hear Luke questions as he reaches us. “What’s going on?”

“Harper came to stop the plane so she could confess her love for you.” Michael teases.

“Now I will hit you.” I say and punch his side.

“Are you on your period or something?” Michael questions.

“Luke, tell him to stop.” I whine and pull his hand.

“Michael stop.” Luke sighs.

“Wow, you just saved the world Luke.” Calum sarcastically claps.

“You’re so scary, I’ll stop immediately.” Michael waves his hands in the air.

“I’m too tired for this.” Luke says and sits next to me.

“No wonder you’re Soulmates, you’re literally the same people.” Ashton shakes his head.

“Shut up.” I groan and go back to my laptop, that causes the others to drift into a conversation, I’m not sure what about but I’m not really listening so I don’t care.

“What you doing?” Calum childishly sings next to me, after a couple minutes.

“I’m responding to emails.” I’m boredly reply.

“Why.” Calum asks, keeping the same tone as before.

“Because I have to.” I sigh.

“W-”

“I’m moving.” I announce and close my laptop, beginning to get up.

“No! I’m sorry.” Calum whines as I begin to take a step, and grabs my hand.

“Will you stop annoying me?” I question.

“I promise.”

“Fine.” I say.

“Yay! Thank you.” He cheers and I sit down again, going back to what I was originally doing.

I don’t know why he wanted me to stay because he just goes back to talking to Ashton and Michael.

“How are you feeling? Like are you sore anywhere?” Luke speaks up after a while.

“Because of uh, being hit?” I question.

“Yeah.” He nods.

“Not really, sometimes if I lie down funny my hip and leg hurts, or if I lift something heavy for longer than a minute.” I answer.

“Well that’s lucky.”

“Yeah, I guess.” I stare down at my outstretched legs.

“I found a song the other day that reminded me of you.” Luke tells me.

“Yeah, what is it?” I ask.

“It’s by The Maine and it’s called I Only Want To Talk To You.” He says.

“I’ll look it up later.” I smile. “I love when people say they found something that reminds them of me, like you’re thinking of me, it’s so sweet.”

“Are you kidding? You’re always on my mind.”

“You could tag me in so many memes then.” I try to steer the conversation away.

“Nah, that Michael’s department.” He jokes.

“Yeah, that true, I bet you’re only discovering the troll face-”

“I’ve just gotta say, I’m so glad you guys are talking again, I know it’s none of my business, but it makes me so happy to see that you guys still have a relationship. Also, well done on your recovery Harper.” Someone that I figure is a fan says to us.

“Thank you.” I smile.

“It’s good to still be in contact.” Luke adds.

“Yeah, we’re still friends, we always will be.” I tell her.

“You honestly don’t know happy this has actually made me.” She beams.

“So what’s your name?” Luke asks.

“Felicia.”

“Oh my God, if we ever have children, can we name it Felicia?” Luke questions me.

“Maybe.” I laugh.

“I agree, you should name it Felicia.” Felicia agrees.

“No, if we ever had a child, it would be named after Ashton or Michael.” I shake my head.

“Imagine if we had an army of children, we could name them after all of us, Erika, Maddie, Calum, Ashton, Michael, Harper, and Luke.” Luke exclaims.

“An army of children?” I question.

“Yeah.” He nods.

“You’d make some hot babies between you.” Felicia interjects.

“Thank you.” Luke and I say in unison.

“Couple of things, I’m not gonna give birth 7 times, and I’m not letting you stick anything in me 7 times.” I claim.

“Yeah right, keep telling yourself that babe. Plus, if we ever had twins, we could name them Maddie Michael.”

“What if they’re both girls or both boys?” Felicia and I say unison.

“You don’t have to be a specific gender to be called a name, look at Michael for instance.” Luke points out.

“What on earth am I witnessing?” Felicia laughs. “All I came over here for was a picture and to talk a little.”

“So you didn’t like our chat about an army of children?” Luke asks.

“It was unique?” She trails off.

“Sure. So, picture?” I ask.

“Thank you.” She smiles and pulls her phone up and all three all pose.

“It was so nice meeting you.” I beam.

“Yeah, I’m glad and kinda sorry you witnessed us talk about an army of children.” Luke chuckles.

“You better name your child after me.” She grins and begins to walk away.

“Can’t make any promises.” I call.

“Army of children?” Michael questions.

“A small army.” I add.

“I agree with her, it is nice seeing you guys talk again.” Ashton smiles.

“Uh, forget that, you guys are gonna have a baby?” Calum asks.

“I mean, if we haven’t seen each other in a while, when we do, it’s gonna be electric baby.” Luke smirks and I look at him in disgust.

“Ew.” I grimace and push his head away.

“Don’t act as if you didn’t enjoy it when we were together.” He laughs.

“Past tense Luke, and I mean, I’m not gonna deny it, but now it’s gross.” I say.

“Yuck, it was bad enough for us to hear you guys talk about sex when you were dating, but now that you aren’t, it’s even grosser.” Ashton tells us.

“Why don’t you make a deal that if you are both 35 and single or something you’ll get married.” Michael joins in.

“We already made one of those, it was if we were 40 and single, we’d get together.” Luke confesses.

“What! Harper and I made one together too. If Harper and I were 38 we’d get married.” Calum exclaims.

“Well this is awkward.” Michael and Ashton say in unison.

“We made ours when were 15, when did you make yours?” Luke questions.

“When we were 17 or 18.” Calum says.

“We were most likely dating then!” Luke’s eyes widen.

“Fuck.” I burst out laughing.

“Okay, if we are both single my tomorrow, we will get back together, then fly to Vegas, and get married.” Luke proposes.

“Nope.” I say and put my hand on the back of Calum’s neck and begin to pull him in, but burst out laughing before he even gets remotely close to my face.

“Legit thought you were gonna kiss me.” Calum giggles.

“No, you’re not my type.” I say.

“What is your type?” Ashton laughs.

“Blondes with blue eyes, and maybe a lipring.” Michael mocks me.

“Well I’m not gonna disagree.” I shrug.

I love this, we’re all acting as we used to, which is so great. It’s not the slightest bit awkward, we’re actually having fun.

I continue to chime into the conversation every now and then whilst I continue to reply to emails, I know I’m going to be so greatful for doing it later on because I’ll be so tired.

“What do you think it’s like to shove an icicle up your ass?” I hear someone say.

“What?” I exclaim.

“New it’d get your attention.” Ashton chuckles.

“What butt stuff?” I question.

“Eh, you into it?” Michael asks.

“Not even the fucking slightest, bumholes creep me out, I don’t get why people are obsessed with asses, like shit comes out of it.” I shake my head.

“They’re so nice to put your hand on, they shape your body, embrace the ass, Harper.” Luke tells me.

“Someone put that on a t-shirt.” Michael laughs.

“Your hand was literally glued to my ass, I don’t get it, I didn’t mind it, I just don’t understand.” I say to Luke.

“Oh, Harper, sweet, sweet Harper.” Calum cooes.

“So you’re saying you dont like my ass?” Luke asks offended.

“That’s different.” I deny.

“How?”

“Well firstly, I didn’t have my hand on it 24/7.” I start off.

“You had the opportunity.” He smirks.

“I hate this conversation, an ass is an ass, nothing more to me.” I wave them off, and go back to my laptop.

“What seat are you?” Ashton asks.

“8C, what about you guys?”

“Well fucking lucky you, we got that row too, although, someone will be sat next a stranger.” Michael tells me.

“Fan-fucking-tastic.” I groan. “The thought of spending around 23 hours straight with you physically hurts me.”

“You love us really.” Luke teases.

“I guess, depends what kind of mood I’m in.” I shrug. “I’m not sitting next to Michael am I?”

“Not exactly, he’s 8D.” Ashton answers.

“At least he’s not right next to me.” I say.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom and cry now.” Michael wipes a fake tear away and storms off.

“Tragic.” I mutter.

“Could you imagine cleaning a plane?” Calum muses.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” I trail off.

“Yeah but like it’s all empty, imagine hovering the floor.” He giggles.

“I want some of what ever you’re taking.” I mutter.

“Just air.” He clarifies.

“And a fuck ton of sugar.” Ashton mumbles.

“Ugh, it’s far too late for this.” I groan.

“It’s half 8, Harper.” Ashton deadpans.

“Your point?” I ask.

We all hear the sound of shoes squeaking towards then Michael appears infront of us, with a grin.

“I just saw someone’s wiener!”

“This is a conversation I’m not willing to go into.” I sigh.

***

The small movement under me causes me to open my eyes, and I grimace at the uncomfortable feeling in my ears.

“Oh, you’re awake.” The voice of Luke says.

“Yeah.” I sit up properly and rub my eyes, then realising where I just came from, more specifically, where and who I was leaning on, I had my head rested on Luke’s shoulder.

“Oh, sorry.” I sheepishly say.

“It’s okay, I had my head rested on yours too, not even 15 minutes ago.” He admits.

I lean back again and pull my phone out of my pocket. “How much longer left?” I ask, with a yawn.

“Uh, like half an hour or something.” Luke explains.

“Half an hour I’d like to spend asleep, so shut up.” The voice of Calum groans from next to Luke.

“Sorry.” We say in unison with a chuckle.

I lean my head on Luke’s shoulder again and go on my phone again. Luke affectionately scratches the side of my head, and goes back to his laptop.

“Here we have have a moody Calum, and a sleepy Luke and Harper.” Michael speaks up and shoves his phone in our faces.

“It’s too early for this.” I whine.

“My bad, we have moody Harper and Calum, as well as a sleepy Luke. Also, you were saying it was too late for this earlier.” Michael comments.

“Time is a thing, Michael Clifford.” I tell him.

“So tell everyone how it’s going guys.” Michael encourages us.

“Ugh, I will throw your phone out of this god damn plane.” I threat.

“Okay, uh, I’m going to go for a little bit, be back in a while, please send help.” He talks to his phone before ending it.

“Have this.” I say and throw a gummy bear at him.

“Oh, what that mouth do?” Michael smirks when I eat a gummy bear.

“A lot of things actually.” I say.

It’s a little while later now, we’re all waiting to be picked up, I’m sitting on my suitcase, Michael and Ashton are messing around, playing something like it on them, and Calum and Luke are on chairs with their phones. I’m being picked up my Angus and Josh, whilst the others are being picked by someone that I don’t know.

I’m actually terrified to face my brothers, it’s not like they will say anything negative about it, but I’m so ashamed. I have to face everyone else too, which I’m going to put off for a while.

I’m not sure if I’m going to tell my friends that it was a choice to stay and stand there, or not. They have a right to know, but they hardly know about me in that way.

I’m terrified of myself, I was actually capable of doing that, I willingly put myself in danger, with a plan that it would end everything. I’m terrifired of myself that I voluntarily stood still, because I was hurting so much.

I’m still hurting, and I still have that option.

I trust myself, I do, but there’s a piece of me that worries about how I’ll feel in the dark of the night, all alone, with things that could do some serious harm to myself.

“You look like you’re thinking hard, what’s up?” Luke interrupts my thoughts and tucks a part of my hair behind my ear.

“Uh, nothing.” I shake my head.

“Really? Because when I see you staring at the ground, and I say your name 3 times, and you don’t answer me, it seems like something important.” He points out.

I roll back on my suitcase to make some distance between us.

“Speak to me.” He softly says.

“I’m scared of myself.” I confess.

“Why?” He asks.

“Because I made a choice to not move, it wasn’t subconsciously or anything, I actually made that decision, hoping everything would end. I could do that again, at any time, and that scares me.”

“I get that, but I guess you just have to ask yourself, is this really worth it? Is it really worth ending a precious life, because you’re getting caught up in your feelings? I know it feels as if you’re suffocating, or the air is all clogged up and there’s no fresh air, but just wait or do something, until you get fresh air again. You begin to get used to clogged air, and forget what fresh air is like. I need you to promise me, that you won’t doing anything to yourself.”

“It’s not as easy as that, just saying I promise isn’t going to stop me from doing anything. Words can’t exactly stop everything, Luke. Look at how many promises I’ve made to you about this, I’ve broken every single one of them. Promises have just become lies to me.” I weakly state.

The sad sigh Luke does tells me he gets the last part.

“I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop trying.”

“Try to what? Get better again? I’m so deep in this shit, I don’t think I can properly get out again, without the person that pushed me. I’m at a new rock bottom, and it’s so fucking low I can’t even see the top anymore.” I admit.

We stare at each other, Luke in disbelief and me in sadness.

“You really n-”

“I’ve gotta go.” I shake my head and picking my stuff up before making my way out the building.

“Harper, I-”

“Don’t, Luke, please.”

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