#pelle is my spirit animal

[harpersbizarresketchbook]

Midsommar Appreciation Zine!

[jacobcmccaw]

“We got this?”

“WE GOT THIS!”

they then fell off the roof

[heliantart]

SINGING SAND - ICARUS

YEEHAW, IT'S PELL'S BIRTHDAY!

Hope you appreciate this one-shot about Pell.

(English is not my first language, so dont expect too much)

Warninngs: A bit of angst, and lots of comfort?

Tag list: @celesticvoid

(Don't hesitate to ask if you'd like to be tagged for any of my Pell-related posts.)

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Playlist: Sweetest Rain - Abilene

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───────•••───────

Every time she returned to the palace, Khu had got into the habit of recounting her adventures to the young Vivi. This tradition had grown naturally over the years, due to the princess's systematic requests. Seeing the child's expressions of wonder as she recounted her travels each time she returned from a mission often brought a smile to her face. And when she ran out of stories, it was Vivi's turn to tell her what had happened at the palace while she was away. What she had learnt and done, from her mischiefs to her adventures with Khoza and the other children. Khu always listened attentively, with a smile on her face and her chin resting in the palm of her hand, watching the grand gestures that accompanied Vivi's stories. The princess would also ask her questions sometimes, curious to learn more about the adult who had looked after her for so long.

And when she ran out of stories, it was Vivi's turn to tell her what had happened at the palace while she was away. What she had learnt and done, from her mischiefs to her adventures with Khoza and the other children. Khu always listened attentively, with a smile on her face and her chin resting in the palm of her hand, watching the grand gestures that accompanied Vivi's stories.

The princess would also ask her questions sometimes, curious to learn more about the adult who had looked after her for so long.

‘What's your favorite color?’

Khu gave an amused chuckle at this pure and childish question. She had never really thought about it, but after a few seconds of reflexion, she whispered, in a tone of confidence:

‘Purple.’

Vivi nodded and looked at her as if this was the greatest secret she had ever entrusted to her. That day, they talked for a long time in the palace gardens, in the company of Pell and Chaka, who had joined them at the end of the day. Igaram and the King kept a watchful but not too discreet eye on them.

Khu didn't think about it at the time, but later, with a little hindsight, she remembered why it was the first answer that came to her mind, even though she'd never been asked.

When she'd thought of something she loved, she'd thought of Pell.

Purple. Because that was the color that adorned his eyes.

───────•••───────

8 years later, Sandora Desert.

Since leaving the port of Tamarisk, Khu had been traveling at a good pace across the Sandora desert. Senbi, her mount, seemed delighted to be reunited with his owner, and was particularly docile.

The woman had left the island two years prior, and was delighted to be returning home at last. Her excursions outside the kingdom were usual, but this was the first time she had been away for more than a year.

Thinking ahead, she had left Senbi with an acquaintance, in a hamlet just a mile away from Tamarisk. She still remembered the animal's incessant screaming when he saw her off. The camel had a similar reaction to seeing her again, although at first he was rather resentful. He hadn't liked being abandoned like that at all. Even if he hadn't been left alone.

Khu took the time to appreciate the warmth of the sun's rays on her skin and the soft wind rushing through the folds of her clothes. She grew up in these arid lands, and only here did she feel truly at home. The distant rolling of the sand inevitably soothed her spirit.

She smiled as she caught sight of Alubarna behind the dunes. But no sooner had she laid eyes on the distant silhouette of the city, than a bright glow lit up the sky like a second sun.

The blast was colossal, and despite the miles that separated her from the city, she felt the vibration of the explosion and the ensuing gust sweep across the desert, raising a cloud of dust that blinded her for a moment. Senbi stood still and stumbled on the spot, frightened by the magnitude of the explosion. 

A shiver of fear ran down her spine. What was going on in the capital?

Khu tightened her grip on the reins and struggled to stay in the saddle, calming the animal as best as she could. She squinted, returning her flavescent gaze to the sky, where the energy of the explosion was slowly dissipating. She could have sworn that something was in freefall, there in one of the rays of light.

Khu did not take her eyes off what she was sure she recognised, hurrying her mount in the direction of the likely impact zone. There was only one master of the winds, only one ruler of the skies in these lands.

This bird, which she had seen a moment before the explosion, could only be him.

Khu was convinced of it. It was Pell who was falling, like a meteor passing through the sky.

Just as the sun burned Icarus' wings, the blast had burnt Pell's. But it was neither an excess of hubris nor a beginner's mistake that had led to Pell's downfall. On the contrary, it was his unwavering devotion that made him shine high in the sky and then burn out. 

•••

Pell's inert body crashed into the sand, raising a cloud of dust from the force of the impact. Khu slid off the back of her mount to run to the sand crater into which Pell had sunk. Blinded by the dust, Khu knelt down and began searching frantically around her until she brushed against Pell's robe. The steel claws on her fingers dug into the fabric, giving her a firm grip to free him from the sand. She slipped her hands under his arms to pull him up towards her. As she dragged his body and hers across the sand, she could feel her hands becoming soaked with blood. Khu gritted her teeth, and didn't release her grip until they were both in the shadow of nearby ruins. There, she took the time to assess the extent of the damages.

Pell had lost his form in the fall and had taken on his human form. His body was studded with bruises and burns. Khu leaned over so that her head was level with his heart, paying attention to his pulse, which was very weak, but there. A wave of relief passed through her as she confirmed that he was breathing, albeit with difficulty.

She straightened up, scanning the desert in search of a solution. She couldn't leave Pell here, not in his condition. The creatures that lived in the desert were dangerous, especially after dark. She had to move Pell to safety, even if it was a bad idea in view of his injuries. She had no other choice.

She whistled to Senbi, who seemed to have disappeared, probably frightened by the explosion and the royal guard's impressive fall. Appearing behind a dune, he trotted over to Khu and stopped beside her, looking worriedly at his mistress and at Pell's body, pressed against her.

‘It's all right, Senbi.’ she breathed, turning her attention back to Alubarna. She could hear the distant echo of conflict. The sound of screams and clattering swords seemed to be carried by the wind. Whatever was happening in the capital, it had to be something serious. It was not wise to head there with a wounded man.

‘Senbi,’ she called, glancing at him. ‘I'm gonna need your help.’

───────•••───────

Surprisingly, in his unconscious state, Pell dreamt. 

Well, he wasn't sure it was a dream. Wasn't it more like his memories flashing before his eyes, like a movie coming to an end?

He lay in her arms, his back pressed against her as she leaned forward and gently touched his cheek. A pleasant breeze caressed his skin, along with gentle touches of sunlight warming his body. Strands of her hair, ochre and charcoal, lightly brushed the top of his forehead. He could feel her chest rising gently with each breath. All was quiet in the garden.

‘Pell.’

There was an almost helpless intonation in the way she pronounced his name. An emotion he couldn't quite understand in this situation. Her distress was palpable, and he remained unable to understand its origin.

A sharp heat seemed to spread from the hollow of his chest to the rest of his body. He felt hot. The hand that caressed his cheek was sticky and clung to him as if afraid he would disappear. The metal ornaments on her fingers looked as if they had been carved from red jasper. The bandages on her wrists were soaked with blood, and he knew it wasn't Khu's. 

Oh.

‘I'm sorry, Khu.’

He remembered now. The countdown, the bomb...

On the verge of oblivion, he had almost felt her presence by his side. Was she really there, nearby?

Pell felt his strength leave him and his consciousness dwindle again. He didn't have much time left. But he didn't want to leave the reassuring warmth that surrounded him. He wanted to bathe in the glow of her presence for a little while longer.

‘Pell!’

───────•••───────

Pell was lying on a makeshift stretcher pulled by Senbi. Khu was walking alongside the camel, regularly checking that Pell's condition was stable. The three of them had been traveling at a slow pace through the desert for almost an hour, and Khu and her companion were beginning to feel rather tired. They had already traveled for several days and needed a rest. Khu soon realized that Pell had landed near a hamlet she knew well, a little further north, near the mountains. They immediately set off in the direction of the familiar place. Khu hoped to find shelter there, and help, to treat her companion.

Without care or a doctor, Pell wouldn't survive long.

•••

When they entered the garden, Khu could only notice that the place had suffered from the drought. Not as much as the rest of the country, but this remote hamlet, tucked away between the rocks, was less luxuriant than she remembered. However, because of its shaded nature, embedded in the mountain, it was cooler than the ruins.

In this enclave, apart from an ancient sanctuary, there were only two partially troglodyte dwellings, carved out of stone and sandstone. Khu hurried towards the first and knocked on the door. There was no answer; the old man who lived there was not home. She beckoned Senbi to follow her to the second house, which Khu knew to be empty; the cane that usually hung next to the door was not there; its owner had obviously gone out.

As she had expected, the door was open. She untied the stretcher from Senbi's saddle and dragged it inside, placing Pell in the first room she could reach. 

She was familiar with the place and got all the equipment she needed to administer first aid to the lieutenant in record time. Khu would not let him die on her watch. He was going to live.

───────•••───────

The first time Pell opened his eyes, Khu was sitting above him, wrapping his torso in thick bandages. In the darkness, he could barely make out her silhouette. He felt sluggish, overwhelmed by a diffuse pain that was so oppressive that he was unable to stand up straight on his own. The front of his body rested against her, who carefully held him in place. His head, which felt so heavy, was resting in the hollow of his comrade's shoulder.

He had fallen back asleep in her arms before he knew what was happening.

The second time, it was night, and Khu was asleep at his bedside, her head buried in her arms, crossed on the edge of the bed. One of his hands rested next to hers.

Motionless, Pell watched her out of the corner of his eye. In the moonlight filtering through the curtains dancing at her back, she looked quite peaceful. Her ochre hair, the tips of which seemed to have been tinted with black ink, seemed a little longer than he remembered. But it was obvious that Khu had kept her hair short, even the strands that framed her face did not touch her shoulders.

His fingers twitched briefly with the exertion as he tried to move his hand; he managed to idly touch the back of hers, but didn't dare grasp it. Again, he fell back asleep shortly afterwards, reassured by the warm touch of her hand against his.

Khu accompanied his dreams that night. She was chatting excitedly at his side as they both walked towards the Palace. The next moment, she was sword training with him, under the admirative gaze of the young Vivi. When they finished their training, they sat on the ramparts and talked, gazing at the twilight on the horizon.

The third time, when Pell opened his eyes, a sharp pain pulsed from his shoulder to the rest of his body. His skin felt unnaturally hot and a high-pitched ringing sound pierced his eardrums.

Khu was still there, sitting beside the bed. Needle in hand, she was carefully patching his black and white tunic, which had been badly damaged. He realized that his torso was bare, covered only by thick bandages. 

His vision was blurred, and he could only see from one eye. He could feel the gauze bandage draped around his head and the left side of his face.

Despite his condition, he could recognise her from a mile away.

He just couldn't work out what she was doing there.

‘ Is this a dream...?’

Khu looked up from his work at the sound of his hoarse, almost extinct voice, made hoarse by sleep and thirst.

The idea of teasing him had crossed her mind. She could already see herself asking him if he was used to dreaming of her. In other circumstances, she wouldn't have hesitated to embarrass him, innocently mentioning the fact that she had woken up with her hand tightly clutched in his.

But in his current state, Khu preferred not to accentuate his confusion.

‘’Good morning Pell, how are you feeling?’

Honestly, Pell had probably never felt worse in her life. Khu must have guessed.

He hissed hoarsely as he tried to sit up. Khu rose from her seat and left Pell's tunic on the back of the chair. With a hand gently resting against his sternum, she urged him to lie still. Grimacing in pain, Pell didn't insist. He was finding it hard to breathe, and the effort alone had already left him breathless.

There was a brief silence as Pell closed his eyes, hoping that his vision would return to normal and his breathing would calm down.

‘What are you doing here? Where are we?’ he managed to huff out, his eyes still closed.

Khu watched him thoughtfully, reassured to see him conscious.

‘I returned to Alabasta three days ago. I was on my way to the Palace when I found you after the explosion.’

After glancing around the rest of the sparsely furnished room, she added: ‘We're at my sword master's house, Aqen, in the north-east of Alubarna. This is my room.’

Pell took a moment to assimilate the information. Khu had not warned them of her return. But that was usual. She usually didn't inform them until a few days before her arrival, and sometimes not at all.

‘What happened?’ she finally asked. The question had been burning in her mind ever since she witnessed the explosion. 

Pell took a deep breath and began to explain the latest events.

He told her how the situation in the country had worsened over the last few years. The rebel movement, which had continued to spread, the drought that had lasted for three years, the presence of one of the Seven Warlord Crocodile, and his involvement in this affair. The Baroque Works organization, Vivi's actions, Igaram's death and the events leading up to the explosion. He also mentioned a strange crew and its peculiar captain. Khu smiled at the mention of the friendship that seemed to bind Vivi to these pirates.

But as she listened to what had happened in the capital before the explosion; the fight between the soldiers, the rebels and Baroque Works, her expression grew somber.

‘I should have been there, Pell. I'm sorry.’

Pell slightly opened his one good eye, he still couldn't make out her face clearly, but he could guess her overwhelmed expression without difficulty. ‘You're here now, Khu, that's what really matters.’

She reached out to clasp his hand tightly, then whispered; ‘Thank you.’

•••

‘Have you heard anything from the capital?’

Mortar in hand, Khu shook her head as she continued to grind a selection of bluish-hued lotus flowers.

Focused on her work, she replied, ‘Aqen has gone to the neighboring village to gather information.’ Pell nodded in response.

‘I have no way of informing Chaka of our situation,’ she added, her brow slightly furrowed in annoyance.

At the mention of the commander's name, Pell's expression soured.

‘Semat's not with you?’ He asked, noticing for the first time that he had indeed not seen the bird at his comrade's side.

‘I had already sent Semat to the Palace to warn you of my arrival, before I reached the city. It's been a long journey and I doubt she'll be back for me any time soon. With everything that's happened, I'm not even sure she's reached the Palace at all.’

There was a short silence, during which Khu studied Pell's face. Uncertainty could be discerned in the way he looked away. He could never hide anything from her when she looked into his eyes.

‘Has something happened to Chaka?’ She was sure his reaction had something to do with their older friend. 

Used to Khu being able to read his mind like an open book, he resigned himself to answering her, his gaze still fixed on the sheets. ‘When I was flying over the city, looking for the bomb, I didn't see him anywhere.’

Khu knew that nothing escaped Pell's sharp gaze; if he hadn't seen Chaka alongside the soldiers, it was because he wasn't there. The three of them had practically grown up together, and although Khu had spent the least time with them, they cared a great deal for each other. The death of one of them could only be devastating news.

‘He's probably still alive, Pell. If he got hurt, he probably got taken to safety.’

‘I hope you're right.’

Khu gave him an encouraging smile.

‘We'll head back to the city when you're recovered, and then we'll go and find him.’

───────•••───────

During the next two days, Pell received regular treatment from the old Yosef, a competent doctor and long-standing friend of Aqen. He took care of the diagnostics and medication, as well as an operation to remove the bullet and several pieces of shrapnel from the bomb lodged in Pell's abdomen. Khu, for her part, was changing his bandages and bringing him what he needed. She was also helping the old man to prepare some ointments.

That evening, Khu had fallen asleep in front of the half-open bedroom window, sitting in the alcove made of stone.

It was only the second time since they had been here that Pell had seen her sleeping. Embraced by the pale moonlight, she seemed even more peaceful than usual. Now that his sight was fully restored, he could see how exhausted she was too. She looked as if she hadn't slept for several days.

He didn't take his eyes off her until Yosef entered the room. He too noticed the young woman's slumbering figure and remained particularly silent.

‘I told her to get some rest, but she's refused to leave your side since the two of you arrived.’ He said in a low voice, as usual making small talk with his patient as he glanced at the state of the latter's wounds.

‘She's as willful as her mother, and as devoted as her father.’ Pell listened to the doctor mumbling in silence, curious in spite of himself to learn more about his partner. He had known her mother from afar; she had been an important and renowned combatant before her death. He had always noticed the striking resemblance between Khu and her mother. They looked exactly alike. Khu had never really spoken to him about her. Perhaps because she had nothing to say about her. But she had mentioned her father a few times, saying that she visited him regularly. Pell knew that he was a military doctor who had also served in the Royal Army. But he had retired shortly after the death of his wife. Pell had never seen him, and didn't know much more about him, apart from the fact that Khu seemed to have a good relationship with him.

‘Time flies..." breathed Yosef, as he finished his examination.

Mentioning Khu's parents seemed to make the old man nostalgic.

‘What are you mumbling about, Pepi?’ Khu's voice had surprised the two men, who turned their attention to her. Pepi's comments had apparently woken the woman up.

' Doctor's confidentiality, kid. And give me a break with that nickname, Mau!" Khu flashed a tired smile; she seemed amused by the elder's reaction, although she winced when she herself was addressed by her nickname. Pell watched their interaction curiously, entertained, but feeling as though he was intruding on a special and private moment in Khu's life.

‘So, any progress?’ Khu quickly shifted the conversation back to Pell's medical condition.

‘That's all you care about, isn't it?’ Yosef's snide remark was barely audible, but after a sigh he turned to Pell and delivered his verdict. "It's a miracle you're doing so well. Your wounds are healing properly. You must have noticed the improvement in your eyesight and breathing, I suppose." Pell nodded. "But you're going to need several more weeks of rest, understand? No more fighting in your condition, is that clear?" Pell nodded again, while Khu seemed to be carefully gauging his reaction.

The old man, visibly satisfied, headed for the door. "I'll leave you youngsters alone for now. Good night."

When he had left, and the room fell silent again, Khu got up and went to sit on the edge of the bed. She turned her gaze back to Pell, who returned her questioning glare. ‘So, when do you want to go back?’ Pell winced. She'd guessed. ‘Tomorrow.’

‘Pepi will end you himself if you try to run off that early.’ Pell had a feeling that Khu would try to negotiate.

She soon noticed his expression. "I'm not going to stop you if you want to go back to the Palace. But let's stay another day, just to make sure everything's all right."

There was a short silence, during which Khu finally gave him an intense look, waiting for him to agree. He finally gave in. ‘Agreed.’

She smiled at him and finally lay down beside him, staring at the ceiling.

Pell remained embarrassed by her touch for a few moments, then finally relaxed, enjoying her presence.

'What were you two talking about earlier?"

‘Doctor-patient confidentiality, Mau.’ The smirk he gave her drew a slight laugh. He was obviously well enough to tease her.

‘ About my parents, right?’ Faced with Khu's pensive intonation, Pell abandoned all pleasantries, and nodded.

"Pepi is a good friend of Aqen's, but he was also very close to my father. I think he always saw him as his son." Khu closed his eyes. ‘He can't help but feel nostalgic when he sees me.’ Pell's gaze was on her. Peering at the softness of her features, lulled by the tranquility of the moment. Her steady breathing was soothing. He would surely have closed his eyes and fallen asleep, if he didn't want so fervently to engrave her image in his mind.

And when his fuliginous gaze met hers, he thought he would lose himself in the golden light of her eyes.

‘I'm glad you're alive, Pell.’

The sincerity of her words could be read on every inch of her face, bathed in Selene's light. From her radiant face, to her sparkling eyes, to her lips curved into a gentle smile. Her genuine honesty, shining like the sun in the middle of the desert, almost blinded him again.

‘Me too.’ he admitted, giving her a beckoning smile of his own.

In the peacefulness of the evening, they fell asleep snuggled up together, lulled by the singing of the dunes in the distance.

───────•••───────

‘Vivi!’ Chaka's voice echoed through the corridors of the Palace. ‘A letter from Khu has arrived!’

‘Khu?!’ The princess exclaimed in surprise.

‘Semat was lost in the chaos of the battle, but I found her this morning.’ As if to confirm his words, the aforementioned crossed the corridor and flew to rest elegantly on the shoulder of the commander and chirp to his attention. ‘Khu is on her way to the Palace.’ He said, gently petting the bird's head, clearly pleased with the attention.

Surprise and joy followed one another in the princess's heart. Followed by a much more conflicting emotion.

A certain sorrow stained the depths of her eyes.

‘How am I going to tell her about Pell...?’

On spotting Vivi, Semat glided over to her and, perched on the young woman's shoulder, rubbed her head affectionately through her hair, as if to comfort her.

Chaka gave Vivi a sympathetic look.

‘I'll be here, if you can't find the words.’

───────•••───────

The wind blew across the plains as they both stood before the expanse of memorials and steles. The losses had been heavy, and both had wanted to pay their respects before returning to the palace.

Pell's gaze never wavered from the inscription on the cenotaph in front of him.

‘My...grave?’

Pell realized that in the eyes of everyone else, he had died in the explosion. And to them, all that remained of Alabasta's guardian was this stele and their memories of him. He was just another victim of the devastating conflict that had taken place a few days earlier. Only a hero in their memories.

Khu was the only one who knew he was alive.

She said nothing, and gave him time to digest this information. She did, however, move to stand beside him.

"Thank you for everything you've done, Pell. You're the bravest man I've ever known." She said solemnly, after bowing briefly before the tombstone.

‘I'm still here, Khu.’ he remarked, puzzled.

She straightened up and smiled at him, in a way that was both sincere and tinged with a hint of cleverness.

"I know. It's not every day I get to pay you my respects."

Pell knew that Khu was not naturally mischievous. He could easily guess that her repeated facetiousness was only intended to distract him and brighten his thoughts. He was moved by this gesture, and blushed with embarrassment when he realized that she was sincere when she praised his bravery. The admiration in her eyes was genuine. It had never been otherwise.

‘I'll go on ahead, take your time.’

Giving him one last smile, she headed for the palace gardens, leaving Pell to his own thoughts.

Had she always looked at him like that?

───────•••───────

"Vivi! Khu's back!"

On hearing the news, Vivi ran to the large gate leading to the gardens, closely followed by Chaka. And there she was, in the alleyway, gazing absent-mindedly at the damaged buildings and the city on the other side of the walls. Reminiscing about her years spent in this place.

When she spotted Vivi, frozen in the doorway, she smiled warmly. Vivi threw herself into her arms and Khu embraced her heartily, also nodding to Chaka, who greeted her in return.

‘It's been a long time, Vivi, Chaka.’

Undoing her embrace, Khu took a moment to observe Vivi. Although Khu was still a head taller, Vivi had grown a lot in two years. She seemed to have learnt and experienced a lot. She could see a certain determination in her eyes.

"You've changed so much, Vivi. She said tenderly, putting a hand on her shoulder. "A lot must have happened while I was away. Would you like to tell me all about it?"

Vivi smiled and nodded. Khu, unlike her, had not changed at all. She was behaving as she always had.

But Vivi's smile soon faded as she looked away, lips tightly sealed.

Khu watched her, sensing her discomfort and sorrow. She encouraged her with a gentle squeeze on the shoulder to share with her what was tormenting her. ‘Is there something you need to tell me?’

At her lack of response, Khu glanced at Chaka, whose expression also seemed glum.

‘What happened, Vivi?’

With a constricted throat, the princess finally whispered: "It's Pell, he-" a muffled sob interrupted her. ‘He sacrificed himself to save us... Khu, I'm so sorry!’

When Vivi finally dared to meet Khu's gaze, which was searching for her own, a hand resting gently against her cheek, she froze in incomprehension. Khu was smiling tenderly at her, compassionate, but clearly unaffected by the news. No tears, no despair in her eyes, just a reassuring gentleness.

How could she smile upon learning of Pell's death? The man she cared so much about? Of all of them, it was probably Vivi who best understood the extent of Khu's affection and devotion towards him. Ever since she was a little girl, she had always noticed the way Khu watched Pell. The way her eyes shone with tenderness when she thought of him, and the way her expression softened when his name was mentioned. And she could see in Pell's eyes time and time again that the feeling was mutual.

Khu, Pell and Chaka had spent key moments of their lives together. During training, missions, and even during simple, innocuous moments of their lives, they had spent these moments side by side.

The idea that Khu would feel nothing at the mention of this news was absolutely inconceivable to the young woman.

"Vivi.’ The sound of her name snapped the young princess out of her torpor. Khu never took her eyes off hers. ‘Follow me.’

Khu took her by the hand and walked through the gardens towards the vast cemetery. Vivi followed, clasping her hand firmly in her own, uncertain, yet reassured by the presence of the woman who had looked after her since she was a child.

───────•••───────

There he was, standing among the rows of graves, on the very same spot where Chaka had paid his respects a few days ago. His tunic billowed in the wind, while his thoughtful gaze never left the flowery stele in front of him.

Stunned, Vivi could only stare at him, frozen, tears welling up in her eyes, while Chaka, beside her, had also stilled. None of them could believe their eyes. Khu gave them time to assimilate the information, and walked down the path to join him.

Before she could reach him, she heard Vivi's cry.

‘PELL!’ she shouted, dashing towards him. He barely had time to turn around before Vivi had her arms around him, hugging him as if to make sure he was real.

‘’Easy-‘’

Pell barely had time to grimace in pain, and return her embrace, before Chaka swung an arm over his shoulder and took him in his arms too.

‘You scared us, you idiot.’"

Khu smiled tenderly at the scene; Chaka barely holding back his tears, and Vivi sobbing against Pell's chest. Pell was torn between relief at seeing them safe and sound and the pain they were causing him by crushing him in their embrace. As Khu met Pell's gaze, seeming to ask her for help, she finally spoke up.

‘Be careful, his wounds aren't healed yet.’

They eventually released Pell, whom Khu came to support, letting him rest a hand on her shoulder. Knowing that it was undoubtedly painful and difficult for him to stay on his feet for too long.

Their reunion lasted well into the night, while the murmur of their discussions was swept away by the wind of renewal blowing across the Kingdom of Alabasta.

───────•••───────

If you wanna take a look at Khu's concept art : here

Hope you liked this one :)

[pellelavellan]

WHAT IS MY MUSE AFRAID OF?

In the list below, bold all the fears your muse currently has, italicize all the fears they've worked through or grown out of, answer the questions below, and then pass it on by tagging your favorite muns to participate!

COMMON FEARS & PHOBIAS:

The dark l Small spaces l Suffocation l Water l Thunderstorms l Dogs l Snakes l Spiders l Insects l Clowns l Blood l Dentists l Hospitals l Needles l Germs l Heights l Fire l Insects l Public speaking l Large crowds l Meeting new people l Being alone l Being touched l Failure l Imperfection l Societal rejection l Physical intimacy l Emotional intimacy l Being abandoned l Being forgotten

What other fears do they have? One of Pelle's biggest fears is letting people down. He has always been afraid of not being enough. He is also afraid of being rejected by people he loves if they knew things about him that he keeps secret (ex: his sexuality for a long time or alternative feelings about different topics like spirits). A fear he did not have until he was Inquisitor was the fear of erasure or being remembered as someone he was not.

Why do they have these fears? Are these fears innate, trauma-based, or generational? The fear of letting people down of not being enough stems from the pressure of being raised to be a Keeper. He's always been a very gentle person by nature and very sensitive in the sense of just having an emotional and sometimes physical response to the world around him (mourning dead animals, being squeamish to violence or blood for a long time, actually being strongly against any and all violence, struggling not to let other's feelings affect him.) He has been criticized for caring too much, and while his mother disagreed the impression was still made.

His fear of opening up about more personal things about himself absolutely stems from bullying. He has always been smaller, weaker, more effeminate, and more gentle/emotional than nearly all of the men he grew up with. It was a big clan. There were plenty of people who didn't mind this, but there were also boys who would terrorize him for it when they were adolescents.

I don't think I have to explain the final one. There are tons of accounts of humans erasing elves from their history like Shartan and Ameridan even going as far as to remove ears off a mosaic in a university in Orlais to stories about Ameridan being so drastically far from the truth of who he really was. He is very afraid that his influence on other elves as Inquisitor and the racially charged outrage he has received from many Orlesians as Inquisitor would cause them to try to erase as much of his identity as possible once he is gone.

Have they ever tried to work through or confront these fears? How did it go? He works through a number of fears, traumas, and repressed feelings as Inquisitor with the help of a spirit of grief. He didn't summon the spirit or really ask for his help but it did force him to confront some of the deeper darker things he keeps so close to his chest and really broke him down to the point of accepting the things he could not change/who he is. I'd say it went pretty well? He becomes a stronger person from it for sure.

tagged by: saw a template and borrowed it

tagging: @quiisquiliae @chasindtrevelyan @faebhaal @wisdomlibrarian @lathal @dalishborne <3

[ianiohn]

I didn't know rhythm and the dance was that week-

End and I meant to dance anyway. So I found a

Small area once inhabited by a farm animal and

Shook and gyrated and continued in this vein until

Spirit took ahold of me and rhythmic movement's

Became my reality despite the constant barrage

Of uniformity which threatened to become the end

Of me should I be too frightened to break myself

Free. And at the dance I heard other's complain to

The teacher in charge of their inability to dance

And were told to two-step like they saw me, to real-

Ize only much later how other's would break the ice

By doing after watching me though I never felt com-

Pelled or called upon to demonstrate veracity or

The need to demonstrate one's own desire to be at

One with himself in order to conform but to seek

Solace with his heart having done what he feel's is

Right despite opposition meant to stifle any sign of

Life.

[ishikawayukis]

(hi!! I was pretty busy but I’m finally on vacation and came to my home country to visit my family last week!! hope you’re doing well<3)

Fr, I feel awkward when that happens bc I never know if I should be the one switching languages or waiting for the other person to do so, but I might change between both bc atp I’m just as bad talking in both JAJAJAJA pero no me sale el video:’) I’ve tried to click it but I think the link is missing lol

Okay idk if these are the flashbacks you were referring to, but now when I was finishing skypeia arc (my favorite so far!!) I did skip the whole Nolan backstory 😂😭 I’m sorry but I really needed to see Luffy go kick that electric ass ://

There’s more we can learn about the crew’s past?? That I don’t mind JAJAJA (es que si es lindo<3 him and Iñaki are so precious) so far I only know Sanji said he’s from the North Blue👀

NO WAY??? I mean I can see it if these episodes aired during 2001 but that’s not the reason I was expecting for Pell’s miraculous survival JAJAJ

SHUT UP IM DOWN BAD FOR HIM!!!!! Skypeia Zoro is everything to me I swear, he didn’t give a sh*t for that god act and he cared so much for everyone in the crew :c oh and I’m watching it in japanese!! I don’t really like watching anime dubbed lol Y SI BIEN LINDO JAJAJAJA I need more Luffy singing moments<3

OKAY I might reach it then bc I’m on the Enies Lobby arc rn (which is so freaking cool abilities-wise bc damn todos han tenido un upgrade increíble + el plot está tenso y emocionante JAJAJ) AND HELLO?? SANJI’S LEG JUST CAUGHT FIRE?? ZORO SUMMONED A FREAKING DEMON SPIRIT?? LUFFY HAS TWO NEW ABILITIES ON HIS SLEEVES??? (metaphorically at least lol) but yeah idk how much I’ll be able to watch while I’m home BUT I really want to know how this ends JAJAJAJ (y gracias por no dar spoilers<3 veremos como nos va con el timeskip JAJAJ)

Oh no you’re totally right, if it was zombie that would be a cry for help LOL when I heard the song for the first time, although I did like it, it felt too heavy for me if I were to listen to it on my bad days:’)

OH ALSO I GOT THAT THIRD PIERCING JAJAJAJAJ

have fun on vacation!! love that you were able to visit your home country too <333

(me dí cuenta q el video no estaba cuando se lo quería mostrar a una amiga y dije ay jesú la tecnología me ganó AAJJAJA) but it honestly was just dumb it was a video fo ace singing propuesta indecente to sanji and zoro being like i Will kick your ass it just had me giggling so much LMAO

those are exactly the flashbacks i'm refering to LMAO if you thought nolan's was bad...... i am so sorry they're gonna get worse LDSGKHL much love to those characters tho nolan's story was very fun i just did not care. and yeah there's more you're gonna learn about the crew, sanji being from the north blue is a huge huge hint tbh i honestly can't wait for you to get there

skypiea zoro truly is top tier 10/10 can you believe there's people that say you can skip thsi arc like are you stupid. and nice i can't watch things dubbed either unless they're things i watched dubbed as a kid LMAO otherwise i'm like what the Hell is going on man

ennies lobby is SO GOOOOOOOD they all go insane like we can see how much they've grown and just everything about that arc is so good, i'm usually not a big fan of the fights because they uuuuh pq las prolongan mucho AJJAAJ (se me olvidó el inglés) but the fights in ennies lobby? amazing 10/10 kaku i don't care that you're a bad guy i love you please be good man

AJAJAJAJ AMOOOOOO next time i'm about and about with my friends i will most likely get it as well because who am i kidding i don't have any self control LMAO

[ninhaoma-ya]

Chapter 1066 — The Will of Ohara

Promising title, very promising. Lore dump incoming?

What certain site? Where is this archeological dig?

And yes, yes, we all know it’s Clover.

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!

All theories are proven correct!

…or are they?

And once again, I adore Oda’s page transitions. And the crew’s reactions. Franky, you need to get your gears in order. It’s your girlfriend’s childhood home the mad scientist is talking about.

But yet! Layout shenanigans! We go from the present Straw Hats…

…to Vegapunk confirming, that yes, you are now marked for death and the death squad is on its way so if I’ll just play with those boots a bit and line you up against this here sunny and nice wall, just for a moment…

Usopp and Nami are my spirit animals. I wonder who of them is angry and who is scared?

Whatever the answer, Usopp is surprisingly nimble:

And young!Clover, the adventurer! What a dude!

I really like the art in this panel; reminds me of a storybook. It’s almost like the book of Noland.

I also want a ship with my own name on the sail.

And the design for the original!Vegapunk is really freaky, especially in the first shot we get:

…and it’s not much better IRL. Dragon’s words there hint at brain size growing with increasing knowledge, how interesting. And a bit disturbing at the same time, I must admit.

So we’re going to Elbaf soon, that’ll be nice. Usopp will finally meet his heroes!

And of course Saul is alive because Oda can’t let anyone rest in peace. At least he admits Saul’s survival in this chapter, instead of hinting at it as he did with both Pell and Pound.

Fine, Robin and Luffy surviving Aokiji’s ice at Long Ring, as well as the fire that blazed through Ohara hinted at the possibility of Saul surviving. But it still… lessens the impact, somehow. For Robin, she’s believed Saul to be dead for 20 years now and his words drove her to become the woman she is today, in good and bad. But it’s his ‘you’ll find your friends’ that made her accept the Straw Hats as her family. Would she have done it if she knew he was still alive on Elbaf, or would she have tried to make her way there instead?

Looking forward to Someone(TM) writing meta on that.

Now I really want to know what motivated Kuma and Iva. And judging from Vegapunk’s words later in the chapter, he knew Bonney as a child as well. What is the connection there? If Dragon is the previous Crown Prince of Dawn island and they got to know each other through the Reverie or something like that, I will be miffed.

As is tradition, Luffy is not there to hear about his dad.

Instead, he learns to fly and has the time of his life.

Although I appreciate the obvious Einstein-references, original!Vegapunk is… something. I don’t know what, but something it is.

The chapter was a bit jumpy, and Sauls Survival grinds my gears, but lore and theory confirmation is always nice. I give it a cheeky tongue and a flying start.

[slasherscream]

Hi I don’t know if you write for Thomas Hewitt or Vincent Sinclair but if you do you could you please make some headcanons about them and the other slashers like if they got into a fight with their s/o and how it would go, what it would be about, and how they would make up with their s/o please? It’s totally fine if you don’t want to. But if you do then thank you so much!

fighting with the slashers 

A/N: i do write for vincent (on a related note i also write for bo and maybe lester i haven’t tried him out yet)!

vincent sinclair 

You didn’t stay put when Vincent told you to and you got hurt. 

You hadn’t planned to leave. Until the sun started to go down and no one came back to the house to check up on you the way they so often do when there are visitors in town.

You are Ambrose’s second best kept secret. Alive because Vincent took one look at you and couldn’t bare to hurt you. And though Bo gripes about you he couldn’t tell Vincent no. Not when Bo saw the way Vincent held you behind him, head lowered but shoulders set, ready to actually fight him on something for once in their lives. 

So you’re kept in the house when there are people around. Other than not being able to leave it’s your only real rule. Vincent wants you to have no part in the more grisly aspects of the town and Bo and Lester honor his wish.

But the town is dead silent and no one has come to check on you. Most times Lester even comes to stay with you like some sort of babysitter. It used to irritate you, despite your fondness for the youngest brother. Now without him there your hands shake, and your eyes wander, and your ears burn as if pumping extra blood there will make you hear better. But there’s nothing to be heard. No screams. No cries. No Bo shouting. No guns going off. 

So you leave the house, searching for one of them. Instead you’re found by a survivor and held hostage in front of the twins. 

You all stand still for a long while, the victim not knowing what to do and the boys unable to move due to the knife digging into your neck, already drawing blood. 

Lester had been the one to save you, sneaking up behind your captor and stabbing them. You ran to Vincent on shaking legs and he gathered you into his arms, moving to take you back home. You could hear the screams of the man who’d almost killed you ringing through the streets behind you and shivered.

Vincent had cleaned your cut in silence and somehow had managed to barely touch you. Before you could blink he’d shut himself into his workshop and you were left alone until Bo came home and chewed you out.

You kept yourself busy cleaning and then prepared for bed, knowing it would be awhile before Vincent would come and join you. The sleep didn’t come easy as you were still shaken up, but eventually it came. 

You woke in the middle of the night to an empty bed and realized that if you didn’t go to get him Vincent wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. 

You walk drowsily through Ambrose’s underbelly, the smoldering heat not doing you any favors, until you arrive at Vincent’s workshop where he’s hunched over his desk, unmoving. 

Not wanting to startle him you call his name quietly and you see his head tilt in acknowledgement but he doesn’t turn to look at you. 

Slowly you move until your front is resting against his back, even slower your arms encircle him and you kiss his shoulder, feeling guilty at the tension laying dormant in them. “I’m sorry, Vince. I was just worried about you so... so I left the house. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I won’t do it again.”

He turns and there’s a pause, and then he moves his hands, fluid but slow. They’re shaking despite how strong you know they are. He tells you how he can’t lose you. How he loves you. He asks you to promise him that next time you’ll listen and you do, and you mean it. 

It’s only then that he pulls you into his lap and holds you tightly. You think he’s crying behind his mask but you just hold him back equally as tight and whisper I’m sorry against his steady pulse. 

pelle

He doesn’t like the company you keep. 

He has a plan. He has a plan to take you away from this strange, uncaring world that doesn’t deserve you. That doesn’t love you or care about you. If he sticks to the plan everything will be so easy. 

But sometimes Pelle loves you too much to bite his tongue. 

He can see it clearly, your perfect future where he takes care of you, and his family takes care of you, and you let them do it, and you’re happier for it; but you don’t live in that perfect future, you live in the frigid, imperfect present.

Here you stay up late in the night to help a friend finish a term paper when last week they didn’t even call when you were sick. You gave a classmate your umbrella to borrow a month ago, and today you come back shaking from the rain because they never bothered to return it.

A thousand little kindnesses that the world outside the Hårga spit on. 

He knows that all these moments of careless apathy towards you will only strengthen the draw you’ll feel when you finally meet his family.

You have the heart of a Hårga and he knows that you’ll feel that connection.

Still, the way the outside world, the way your friends and family slight you at every turn, makes his blood run hot. He’s never felt anger like this before. It is all consuming and yet he must stomach it alone.

And so his tongue is careless sometimes. He asks in tones that he shouldn’t use with you “you’re going out with them again?” and “but didn’t they-?” and still he is angry. The words do not ease the feelings because they do not fix the problem. 

Pelle must lead you into the arms of his family and their way of life. He cannot push you. But he doesn’t know how not to take care of you. 

He wants to beat away the leeches and moths that cling to your light and whisk you away to home where the sun will warm you with its love.

Your fights are gentle, and so you might never refer to them as fights when people ask you if you ever argue with Pelle. 

There is no yelling, or balled fists, or the animal sensation of fight or flight. He leads you to sit down with him and holds your face in his hands. Unthinkingly you mimic the gesture and he smiles at you lovingly. One kiss and he tells you that he doesn’t like your friends. Another and he says that you deserve better, deserve the world. 

You try to get a word in edgewise, to deny the claims he makes, to tell him that they really do care about you, but the words are smothered by his soft lips. He kisses you until your brain goes somewhere loved and numb. He slips your coat off of your shoulders and pulls you close. He keeps you there until you forget that you had anywhere to be besides his arms. 

You and Pelle don’t fight. 

chucky and tiffany 

Tiffany is used to Chucky being a piece of shit. You are not.

Upside to fighting with Chucky is that Tiffany is immediately on your side, even if you’re in the wrong (I’m joking it’s always Chucky’s fault.)

Downside is that the whole house is now up in fucking chaos. 

chucky: tiff where are my fucking keys?

tiffany: in hell! why don’t you go and grab them?

You appreciate her fighting spirit but she’s really going in on y’all’s man. 

Which is not to say that Chucky doesn’t deserve it. Because he does deserve it, but you know from personal experience that being on Tiffany’s bad side is scary.

Why are you and Chucky fighting? Chucky is an insensitive asshole, and even the toughest skin isn’t bullet proof. 

The aftermath of whatever Chucky did is a lot of sullen silence from you; the sounds of a knife chopping a little too loudly in the kitchen from Tiff; and loud bits of huffing and puffing from Chucky as he stomps around the house. 

At first he thinks he can just wait out your anger until you start missing him. It used to work with Tiffany all the time!

But this relationship involves three people. You’re not so quick to get desperately lonely, especially if Tiffany isn’t the partner you’re fighting with. Do you miss Chucky? Sure. Do you miss him enough to let him be an asshole just to get some cuddle time in on the couch? As if! Tiffany is the better cuddler anyway. 

The man child is going to have to say sorry and mean it. 

Of course this means that your relationship is going be sans-Chucky for at least a week.

Tiffany reaches the breaking point before Chucky does. Obviously more in-tune with your feelings she can tell how much the fight is getting to you and no one messes with her sweetheart! Not even Chucky.

You’re going to hear her delicately clearing her throat, look up from your phone, and find Tiffany holding Chucky at fucking knife point. 

tiffany: do you have anything to say, chucky?

chucky, trying to decide if he’ll let tiffany kill him just to prove a point: ....

tiffany: i’ll start with your dick-

chucky: i’m sorry! are you fucking hAPPY?!

You’re gonna be like no!!! I do not accept the apology you gave me under extreme duress! At which point you turn over in bed and pull the covers over your head.

You’ll hear rapid-fire whispering and then the bed dips behind you. A knee presses into your back, and kisses are pressed carelessly to where your head should be beneath the covers. Then, finally, the quietest “I didn’t mean it, doll.” as he pulls the blanket back in order to look at your face. 

You’re stopped dead by the softness on his face. By the softness he let’s you see, even if it’s only for a moment. It might not be the words I’m sorry but it sounds like them. It sounds like an I miss you, as well.

When you drop your phone and throw your arms around his neck, touching him for the first time in a week, Chucky sighs in relief. 

Not ten seconds passes before Tiffany has thrown herself over the both of you, suffocating you in her loving embrace. Just like that, balance is restored in the Lee Ray-Valentine household. For now. 

[thehierophage]

Holy Day Meditation for 4-5-21 e.v.

April 5, 2021 æ.v. Dies Lunæ, 

☉︎ 16° ♈︎ : ☽︎ 6° ♒︎ : ☽︎ : Ⅴⅴⅰⅰ 

  Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. 

  The Day of Vav, the Day of the Hermit 

  Hebrew Letter: Vav 

Numerical Value as Letter: 6 

Numerical Value as Word: 12/13/22 (Vav+Vav or Vav+Aleph+Vav or Vav+Yod+Vav) 

Meaning: A holdfast, Nail, Hook. 

Thoth Card: The Hierophant (Atu V) 

Alternate Title: The Magus of the Eternal. 

  Image: 

  Correspondences: 

  Tree of Life Path Association: Key 16 - Chesed to Chokmah (from Sephira 4-2) 

Astrological Sign: Taurus 

  Element: Earth 

Egyptian Godforms: Asar/Osiris, Ameshet, Apis 

Geomantic Figure: Amissio 

Gemstones: Topaz, Sapphire, Garnet, Cornelian 

Perfumes: Costus, Storax 

Plants: Mallow, Myrtle 

Animals: Ox, Rhinoceros, Bull 

  Colors: 

 King Scale – Red orange 

Queen Scale – Deep indigo 

Prince Scale – Deep warm olive 

Princess Scale – Rich brown 

  The Secret Instruction of the Master:

Offer thyself Virgin to the Knowledge and Conversation of thine Holy Guardian Angel! All else is a snare. Be thou athlete with the eight limbs of Yoga; for without these thou are not disciplined for any fight.

Mnemonic:

Wisdom to each apportioned to his want By modes of Light, shed forth, great Hierophant!

Recommended Text for Meditation:

Liber Cordis Cincti Serpente Sub Figura LXV, cap. 5

Liber Cordis Cincti Serpente

A.˙.A.˙. Publication in Class A. Imprimatur: N. Fra A.˙. A.˙.

V

1.  Ah! my Lord Adonai, that dalliest with the Magister in the Treasure-House of Pearls, let me listen to the echo of your kisses.

  2. Is not the starry heaven shaken as a leaf at the tremulous rapture of your love? Am not I the flying spark of light whirled away by the great wind of your perfection?

  3. Yea, cried the Holy One, and from Thy spark will I the Lord kindle a great light; I will burn through the great city in the old and desolate land; I will cleanse it from its great impurity.

  4. And thou, O prophet, shalt see these things, and thou shalt heed them not.

  5. Now is the Pillar established in the Void; now is Asi fulfilled of Asar; now is Hoor let down into the Animal Soul of Things like a fiery star that falleth upon the darkness of the earth.

  6. Through the midnight thou art dropt, O my child, my conqueror, my sword-girt captain, O Hoor! and they shall find thee as a black gnarl'd glittering stone, and they shall worship thee.

  7. My prophet shall prophesy concerning thee; around thee the maidens shall dance, and bright babes be born unto them. Thou shalt inspire the proud ones with infinite pride, and the humble ones with an ecstasy of abasement; all this shall transcend the Known and the Unknown with somewhat that hath no name. For it is as the abyss of the Arcanum that is opened in the secret Place of Silence.

  8. Thou hast come hither, O my prophet, through grave paths. Thou hast eaten of the dung of the Abominable Ones; thou hast prostrated thyself before the Goat and the Crocodile; the evil men have made thee a plaything; thou hast wandered as a painted harlot, ravishing with sweet scent and Chinese colouring, in the streets; thou hast darkened thine eyepits with Kohl; thou hast tinted thy lips with vermilion; thou hast plastered thy cheeks with ivory enamels. Thou hast played the wanton in every gate and by-way of the great city. The men of the city have lusted after thee to abuse thee and to beat thee. They have mouthed the golden spangles of fine dust wherewith thou didst bedeck thine hair; they have scourged the painted flesh of thee with their whips; thou hast suffered unspeakable things.

  9. But I have burnt within thee as a pure flame without oil. In the midnight I was brighter than the moon; in the daytime I exceeded utterly the sun; in the byways of of thy being I inflamed, and dispelled the illusion.

 10. Therefore thou art wholly pure before Me; therefore thou art My virgin unto eternity.

 11. Therefore I love thee with surpassing love; therefore they that despise thee shall adore thee.

 12. Thou shalt be lovely and pitiful toward them; thou shalt heal them of the unutterable evil.

 13. They shall change in their destruction, even as two dark stars that crash together in the abyss, and blaze up in an infinite burning.

 14. All this while did Adonai pierce my being with his sword that hath four blades; the blade of the thunderbolt, the blade of the Pylon, the blade of the serpent, the blade of the Phallus.

 15. Also he taught me the holy unutterable word Ararita, so that I melted the sixfold gold into a single invisible point, whereof naught may be spoken.

 16. For the Magistry of this Opus is a secret magistry; and the sign of the master thereof is a certain ring of lapis-lazuli with the name of my master, who am I, and the Eye in the Midst thereof.

 17. Also He spake and said: This is a secret sign, and thou shalt not disclose it unto the profane, nor unto the neophyte, nor unto the zelator, nor unto the practicus, nor unto the philosophus, nor unto the lesser adept, nor unto the greater adept.

 18. But unto the exempt adept thou shalt disclose thyself if thou have need of him for the lesser oÿerations of thine art.

 19. Accept the worship of the foolish people, whom thou hatest. The Fire is not defiled by the altars of the Ghebers, nor is the Moon contaminated by the incense of them that adore the Queen of Night.

 20. Thou shalt dwell among the people as a precious diamond among cloudy diamonds, and crystals, and pieces of glass. Only the eye of the just merchant shall behold thee, and plunging in his hand shall single thee out and glorify thee before men.

 21. But thou shalt heed none of this. Thou shalt be ever the heart, and I the serpent will coil close about thee. My coil shall never relax throughout the æons. Neither change nor sorrow nor unsubstantiality shall have thee; for thou art passed beyond all these.

 22. Even as the diamond shall glow red for the rose, and green for the rose-leaf; so shalt thou abide apart from the Impressions.

 23. I am thou, and the Pillar is 'stablished in the void.

 24. Also thou art beyond the stabilities of Being and of Consciousness and of Bliss; for I am thou, and the Pillar is 'stablished in the void.

 25. Also thou shalt discourse of these things unto the man that writeth them, and he shall partake of them as a sacrament; for I who am thou am he, and the Pillar is 'stablished in the void.

 26. From the Crown to the Abyss, so goeth it single and erect. Also the limitless sphere shall glow with the brilliance thereof.

 27. Thou shalt rejoice in the pools of adorable water; thou shalt bedeck thy damsels with pearls of fecundity; thou shalt light flame like licking tongues of liquor of the Gods between the pools.

 28. Also thou shalt convert the all-sweeping air into the winds of pale water, thou shalt transmute the earth into a blue abyss of wine.

 29. Ruddy are the gleams of ruby and gold that sparkle therein; one drop shall intoxicate the Lord of the Gods my servant.

 30. Also Adonai spake unto V.V.V.V.V. saying: O my little one, my tender one, my little amorous one, my gazelle, my beautiful, my boy, let us fill up the pillar of the Infinite with an infinite kiss!

 31. So that the stable was shaken and the unstable became still.

 32. They that beheld it cried with a formidable affright: The end of things is come upon us.

 33. And it was even so.

 34. Also I was in the spirit vision and beheld a parricidal pomp of atheists, coupled by two and by two in the supernal ecstasy of the stars. They did laugh and rejoice exceedingly, being clad in purple robes and drunken with purple wine, and their whole soul was one purple flower-flame of holiness.

 35. They beheld not God; they beheld not the Image of God; therefore were they arisen to the Palace of the Splendour Ineffable. A sharp sword smote out before them, and the worm Hope writhed in its death-agony under their feet.

 36. Even as their rapture shore asunder the visible Hope, so also the Fear Invisible fled away and was no more.

 37. O ye that are beyond Aormuzdi and Ahrimanes! blessèd are ye unto the ages.

 38. They shaped Doubt as a sickle, and reaped the flowers of Faith for their garlands.

 39. They shaped Ecstasy as a spear, and pierced the ancient dragon that sat upon the stagnant water.

 40. Then the fresh springs were unloosed, that the folk athirst might be at ease.

 41. And again I was caught up into the presence of my Lord Adonai, and the knowledge and Conversation of the Holy One, the Angel that Guardeth me.

 42. O Holy Exalted One, O Self beyond self. O Self-Luminous Image of the Unimaginable Naught, O my darling, my beautiful, come Thou forth and follow me.

 43. Adonai, divine Adonai, let Adonai initiate refulgent dalliance! Thus I concealed the name of Her name that inspireth my rapture, the scent of whose body bewildereth the soul, the light of whose soul abaseth this body unto the beasts.

 44. I have sucked out the blood with my lips; I have drained Her beauty of its sustenance; I have abased Her before me, I have mastered Her, I have possessed Her, and Her life is within me. In Her blood I inscribe the secret riddles of the Sphinx of the Gods, that none shall understand, -- save only the pure and voluptuous, obscene, the androgyne and the gynander that have passed beyond the bars of the prison that the old Slime of Khem set up in the Gates of Amennti.

 45. O my adorable, my delicious one, all night will I pour out the libation on Thine altars; all night will I burn the sacrifice of blood; all night will I swing the thurible of my delight before Thee, and the fervour of the orisons shall intoxicate Thy nostrils.

 46. O Thou who camest from the land of the Elephant, girt about with the tiger's pell, and garlanded with the lotus of the spirit, do Thou inebriate my life with Thy madness, that She leap at my passing.

 47. Bid Thy maidens who follow Thee bestrew us a bed of flowers immortal, that we may take our pleasure thereupon. Bid Thy satyrs heap thorns among the flowers, that we may take our pain thereupon. Let the pleasure and pain be mingled in one supreme offering unto the Lord Adonai!

 48. Also I heard the voice of Adonai the Lord the desirable one concerning that which is beyond.

 49. Let not the dwellers in Thebai and the temples thereof prate ever of the Pillars of Hercules and the Ocean of the West. Is not the Nile a beautiful water?

 50. Let not the priest of Isis uncover the nakedness of Nuit, for every step is a death and a birth. The priest of Isis lifted the veil of Isis, and was slain by the kisses of her mouth. Then was he the priest of Nuit, and drank of the milk of the stars.

 51. Let not the failure and the pain turn aside the worshippers. The foundations of the pyramid were hewn in the living rock ere sunset; did the king weep at dawn that the crown of the pyramid was yet unquarried in the distant land?

 52. There was also an humming-bird that spake unto the horned cerastes, and prayed him for poison. And the great snake of Khem the Holy One, the royal Uræus serpent, answered him and said:

 53. I sailed over the sky of Nu in the car called Millions-of-Years, and I saw not any creature upon Seb that was equal to me. The venom of my fang is the inheritance of my father, and of my father's father; and how shall I give it unto thee? Live thou and thy children as I and my fathers have lived, even unto an hundred millions of generations, and it may be that the mercy of the Mighty Ones may bestow upon thy children a drop of the poison of eld.

 54. Then the humming-bird was afflicted in his spirit, and he flew unto the flowers, and it was as if naught had been spoken between them. Yet in a little while a serpent struck him that he died.

 55. But an Ibis that meditated upon the bank of Nile the beautiful god listened and heard. And he laid aside his Ibis ways, and became as a serpent, saying Peradventure in an hundred millions of millions of generations of my children, they shall attain to a drop of the poison of the fang of the Exalted One.

 56. And behold! ere the moon waxed thrice he became an Uræus serpent, and the poison of the fang was established in him and his seed even for ever and for ever.

 57. O thou Serpent Apep, my Lord Adonai, it is a speck of minutest time, this travelling through eternity, and in Thy sight the landmarks are of fair white marble untouched by the tool of the graver. Therefore Thou art mine, even now and for ever and for everlasting. Amen.

 58. Moreover, I heard the voice of Adonai: Seal up the book of the Heart and the Serpent; in the number five and sixty seal thou the holy book.

     As fine gold that is beaten into a diadem for the fair queen of Pharaoh, as great stones that are cemented together into the Pyramid of the ceremony of the Death of Asar, so do thou bind together the words and the deeds, so that in all is one Thought of Me thy delight Adonai.

 59. And I answered and said: It is done even according unto Thy word. And it was done. And they that read the book and debated thereon passed into the desolate land of Barren Words. And they that sealed up the book into their blood were the chosen of Adonai, and the Thought of Adonai was a Word and a Deed; and they abode in the Land that the far-off travellers call Naught.

 60. O land beyond honey and spice and all perfection! I will dwell therein with my Lord for ever.

 61. And the Lord Adonai delighteth in me, and I bear the Cup of His gladness unto the weary ones of the old grey land.

 62. They that drink thereof are smitten of disease; the abomination hath hold upon them, and their torment is like the thick black smoke of the evil abode.

 63. But the chosen ones drank thereof, and became even as my Lord, my beautiful, my desirable one. There is no wine like unto this wine.

 64. They are gathered together into a glowing heart, as Ra that gathereth his clouds about Him at eventide into a molten sea of Joy; and the snake that is the crown of Ra bindeth them about with the golden girdle of the death-kisses.

 65. So also is the end of the book, and the Lord Adonai is about it on all sides like a Thunderbolt, and a Pylon, and a Snake, and a Phallus, and in the midst thereof he is like the Woman that jetteth out the milk of the stars from her paps; yea, the milk of the stars from her paps.

  Love is the law, love under will.

[pellelavellan-a]

Pelle has had strange abilities for as long as he can remember. According to his living relatives who were also born in Clan Zathon, they appeared shortly after his miracle recovery from illness as an infant.

It’s been well established that his abilities have some correlation to magic, as when he was able to manifest his magic of his own free will and cast spells at the age of six, the spells very much reflected his prior abilities. 

A list for ease of reading:

Pelle has an empathic nature that transcends beyond hunches. He often can sense people’s thoughts and feelings. He cannot read their minds in explicit detail but he gets vibes from their individual aura. As a child, it was relatively easy for him to determine who liked him and who did not even if they never said a word of it to him. While he will never know exactly what another person is thinking, he can typically gain a pretty good sense of how they are feeling about him or a particular situation (though his guesses are not always infallible). Whether he was previously aware of the situation depends on the person. There have been times people thought he could read their mind due to him bringing up an abstract concept that seemed to be linked to the thing on their mind. 

Bouncing off the previous note, he can not only sense people’s feelings but sometimes if they’re strong enough he absorbs them in a way. What I mean by saying this is he will feel their emotions so strongly that it will begin to impact his own state of mind. This element of his abilities is actually to blame for why he can’t stomach the idea of consuming certain animals. When he was young, hunters often caught him freeing and healing small animals caught in traps because he could feel the fear and the desperation to survive that the animals felt. He could not with a sound conscience leave them to die knowing their pain. In addition, this ability can sometimes cause him to become very overwhelmed by other people’s energies. Intense emotions of grief, rage, etc are feelings to affect him enough that he may start having a physical reaction to it such as: running his hands in his hair and grabbing at it because he is tense, burying his face in his hands, crying, etc. 

This has also at times happened to him when entering specific places. In Inquisition timeline it wouldn’t be strange at all to see him become very uncomfortable being near red lyrium because he can sense that it is evil even though he’s had no prior education on the topic. He has in fact seen red lyrium before, but he never linked it to the descent to madness his wife experienced. It was simply a strange red crystal that made him feel incredibly uneasy. 

He has a very low sense of presence. All his life it’s been very easy for him to pass through rooms unnoticed or to stand in places that are very visible like doorways and not be seen or noticed until he announces his presence. 

Most creatures will not attack him unless he provokes them. It is typically only people, who often a premeditated intention to cause him harm, that will attack him unprovoked. Animals often behave in a friendly manner to him so long as he remains gentle with them. More dangerous creatures like demons or darkspawn tend to ignore him more often than others, but this phenomena does not happen 100% of the time. What has been hypothesized is that if he is not currently in a state where he is inviting violence, he might pass for a spirit to demons due to his intimate connection to the Fade, though this has also not been proven as it the data has not been consistent. 

He can see and speak to ghosts. In Pelle’s clan, it was believed that elves who were not buried with a sapling did not pass to the other side as their bodies were not returned to the land from which they lived off of. As a result, their spirit wander the waking world aimlessly, unable to join their predecessors on the other side. It was--tragically more common than one might think for an elf to not be properly buried, especially those who did not wander in numbers. His entire life Pelle’s been able to see spirits of those previously living even he doesn’t always speak to them. This doesn’t stop at just elves as he’s also seen the ghosts of humans  wandering the wilderness in his lifetime. What causes a human to become a ghost he isn’t entirely sure, that doesn’t mean he’s never seen one. 

When it comes to spirits, the way he describes it is like Dreaming--except he does not have to sleep in order to achieve it. This has at times caused him a bit of confusion in discerning what was real and what was not, or distinguish spirits from ghosts. In fact, he worries one day he may mistake a spirit for a ghost and corrupt it with his grief. 

It’s not at all uncommon for people to see him conversing with nothing at all. He has in fact had full conversations with ghosts and spirits, though he’s often the only person who can see them. 

In addition to seeing them, he can usually sense when they are nearby and has been known to disassociate when he can sense their energy. It wouldn’t be weird either to see him looking around his surroundings searching for the spirit or ghost he’s sensing. 

Mun Note: These are all simply my own head canons about the capacity and nature of spirit magic and Pelle’s personal experience and interaction with it as he feels that his connection to the Fade might be a bit closer or more intimate than other mages he has met personally up until this point in his life. He’s always gotten a vibe that he was a freak from many people even if they wouldn’t say it to his face. One of the reasons for how potently his magic developed is because of where he was born. The veil was incredibly thin where his clan resided, thin enough that spirits and demons wandered the woods the way rams wander the Hinterlands. With already so little keeping him fro the source of magic in the first place, he feels that he may at times experience magic differently than others. It actually interests him greatly to speak about it to other mages. He just hasn’t had much of a chance to as he learned very quickly that his abilities made him strange, and so he’s learned to keep it to himself most of the time. 

[aliveandfullofjoy]

100 Artists Who Shaped My Year: 2019

It’s been a few years since I’ve done this, and I’m technically two days late, but here we are all the same! A list of 100 different artists whose work made an impact on me in 2019. Some are local, but most are not. One has to remain anonymous for now, because life is silly. 

In alphabetical order.

Pedro Almodóvar, for writing and directing Pain and Glory (2019, film) and Bad Education (2004, film);

Anonymous Playwright, for a play title whose name I can’t mention yet;

Will Arbery, for writing Heroes of the Fourth Turning (2019, play);

Frédéric Back, for making The Man Who Planted Trees (1987, animated short);

Antonio Banderas, for his performance in Pain and Glory (2019, film);

Ingmar Bergman, for writing and directing Scenes from a Marriage (1973, film) and Summer Interlude (1951, film);

Caty Bergmark, for directing Baby (2019, musical) and life;

Eli Bolin, for writing the music for Documentary Now: Co-Op (2019, television) and John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch (2019, television);

Bong Joon-ho, for writing and directing Parasite (2019, film) and Snowpiercer (2013, film);

Nicholas Britell, for his score for If Beale Street Could Talk (2018, film);

Bo Burnham, for writing and directing Eighth Grade (2018, film);

D’Arcy Carden, for her performance(s) in The Good Place (2018-19, television);

Carol Channing, for being a light in the dark;

Benjamin Christiensen, for directing Häxan (1922, film);

Toby Chu, for his score for Bao (2018, animated short);

Olivia Colman, for her performances in The Favourite (2018, film), Broadchurch (2013-17, television), and Fleabag (2018, television);

Willem Dafoe, for his performances in The Lighthouse (2019, film) and The Florida Project (2017, film);

Ana de Armas, for her performance in Knives Out (2019, film);

Donna Deitch, for directing Desert Hearts (1985, film);

Kaitlyn Dever, for her performance in Booksmart (2019, film);

Eugene Fedorenko, for directing Every Child (1979, animated short);

Beanie Feldstein, for her performance in Booksmart (2019, film);

Fiddler on the Roof in Yiddish (2019, musical);

Elsie Fisher, for her performance in Eighth Grade (2018, film);

Jennifer Garner, for her performances in Love, Simon (2018, film) and 13 Going on 30 (2004, film);

Greta Gerwig, for writing and directing Little Women (2019, film);

Brian David Gilbert, for Unraveled (2019, webseries);

Daniel Glenn, for Sixteenth Night (2019, play);

The Great British Bake Off (2019, television);

Adèle Haenel, for her performance in Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019, film);

Regina Hall, for her performance in Support the Girls (2018, film);

William Jackson Harper, for his performance in The Good Place (2018-19, television);

Jerry Herman, for his tremendous career;

Marin Hinkle, for her performance in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (2017-18, television);

Tom Hooper, for directing Cats (2019, film), the most fun I’ve had in the movies in forever;

Peter Jackson, for directing The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03, film);

Barry Jenkins, for writing and directing If Beale Street Could Talk (2018, film);

Carly Rae Jepsen, for a damn good concert;

Erland Josephson, for his performance in Scenes from a Marriage (1973, film);

Kunio Kato, for directing La Maison en Petits Cubes (2008, animated short);

Val Kilmer, for his performance in Tombstone (1992, film);

Tim Kov and Anna Hulkower, for My Little Tonys (2018-19 podcast);

Yayoi Kusama, for her Infinity Mirrors exhibit;

The Lemonheads, for their cover of “Frank Mills” (1992);

Dan Levy, for his performance in and producing Schitt’s Creek (2015-19, television);

Eugene Levy, for his performances in Schitt’s Creek (2015-19, television) and Waiting for Guffman (1996, film);

Lizzo, for Cuz I Love You (2019, album);

Billie Lourd, for her performance in Booksmart (2019, film);

Jonathan Majors, for his performance in The Last Black Man in San Francisco (2019, film);

Dave Malloy, for writing Octet (2019, musical);

Richard Maltby, Jr. and David Shire, for writing Baby (1983, musical);

Djibril Diop Mambéty, for directing The Little Girl Who Sold the Sun (1999, film) and Touki Bouki (1973, film);

Corinne Marchand, for her performance in Cléo from 5 to 7 (1962, film);

Toby Marlow and Lucy Moss, for writing Six (2018, musical);

Mike Marshall, for his performance of “San Francisco (Be Sure to Wear Flowers in Your Hair)” in The Last Black Man in San Francisco (2019, film);

Elaine May, for writing, starring in, and directing A New Leaf (1971, film);

Noémie Merlant, for her performance in Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019, film);

Anaïs Mitchell, for writing Hadestown (2019, musical);

Hayao Miyazaki, for his entire body of work, but especially the films of his I watched for the first time this year: Porco Rosso (1992), Kiki’s Delivery Service (1988), The Castle of Cagliostro (1979), Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984), and Castle in the Sky (1986); 

Elisabeth Moss, for her performance in Us (2019, film);

John Mulaney, for writing and starring in Documentary Now: Co-Op (2019, television) and John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch (2019, television);

Annie Murphy, for her performance in Schitt’s Creek (2015-19, television);

Bill Nelson and Joseph Trefler, for writing Men with Money (2019, musical);

Tim Blake Nelson, for his performance in The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (2018, film);

Rosemary Newcott, for directing The Wizard of Oz (2019, musical) and A Christmas Carol (2019, play) at the Alliance Theatre; 

Griffin Newman, David Sims, and Ben Hosley, for Blank Check with Griffin and David (2015-2019, podcast); 

Yuri Norstein, for directing Hedgehog in the Fog (1975, animated short) and Tale of Tales (1979, animated short);

Lupita Nyong’o, for her performance in Us (2019, film);

Catherine O’Hara, for her performances in Schitt’s Creek (2015-19, television), Waiting for Guffman (1996, film), and Home Alone (1990, film);

ozello, for pronouns, but especially “caleb” (2019, album and song);

Nick Park, for writing and directing Creature Comforts (1989, animated short), A Grand Day Out (1989, animated short), The Wrong Trousers (1993, animated short), and A Close Shave (1995, animated short);

Dolly Parton, for her body of work;

Robert Pattinson, for his performance in The Lighthouse (2019, film);

Paula Pell, for her performance in Documentary Now: Co-Op (2019, television); 

Joe Pesci, for his performance in The Irishman (2019, film);

Christopher Plummer, for his performances in Knives Out (2019, film) and The Man Who Planted Trees (1987, animated short);

Hal Prince, for everything; 

Florence Pugh, for her performance in Little Women (2019, film);

Marjane Satrapi, for writing and directing Persepolis (2007, film);

Céline Sciamma, for writing and directing Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019, film);

Andrew Scott, for his performance in Fleabag (2018, television);

William Shakespeare, for his body of work, but especially Macbeth; 

Domee Shi, for directing Bao (2018, animated short);

Stephen Sondheim, for everything; 

Emma Stone, for her performance in The Favourite (2018, film);

Jan Svankmajer, for directing Alice (1988, film);

Jeanine Tesori, for writing Fun Home (2015, musical), Shrek (2009, musical), and Caroline, or Change (2003, musical);

Alfred Uhry, for writing The Last Night of Ballyhoo (1997, play);

Liv Ullmann, for her performance in Scenes from a Marriage (1973, film);

Agnès Varda, for directing Cléo from 5 to 7 (1962, film) and Faces Places (2017, film);

Vernal & Sere Theatre Co., for their production of Spirits to Enforce (2019, play);

Alicia Vikander, for her performance in I Am Easy to Find (2019, film);

Paula Vogel, for writing Indecent (2017, play);

Phoebe Waller-Bridge, for writing and starring in Fleabag (2017-18, television);

Lulu Wang, for writing and directing The Farewell (2019, film);

Rachel Weisz, for her performances in The Favourite (2018, film) and Disobedience (2017, film);

Orson Welles, for directing The Other Side of the Wind (2018, film) and Macbeth (1948, film);

Lina Wertmüller, for directing Seven Beauties (1975, film);

Chloé Zhao, for directing The Rider (2017, film);

and Zhao Shuzhen, for her performance in The Farewell (2019, film).

[jacobcmccaw]

Something’s happening…

[verdanteffigy]

A collection of witchcraft in the series 1/4

I love this particular brand of dark witchcraft in the Dishonored universe so I’ve compiled every mention of something supernatural and witchy that I could find. I placed it under a read more because it’s very long and contains spoilers for the first game + its DLC. Parts 2-4 will be mentions of supernatural and witchy things in Dishonored 2, Death of the Outsider, and the comics/books.

Samuel has seen strange lights and faces in water.

-

A Whaler says while training another Whaler that they can teleport to a location by visualizing it in their mind with Transversal. Granny Rags, Delilah, and her witches also seem to be able to do the same.

-

There are ominous, otherworldly sounds at Jessamine's place of death.

-

"Witches aboard ships that can cause storms and make whales do what they want."

- Emily

It’s implied that the Outsider visited Emily in her dreams the night Corvo returns with Sokolov.

-

"I'll read signs upon your entrails!"

- An Overseer

"May all the spirits guide you"

- Teague Martin

"There are seventy kinds of spirits that live on and beneath the earth."

- Overseer Sturgess

"She may fall into fits, or be heard speaking to the empty air, or laugh or cry without provocation. Perhaps a disfigured man may come and inquire after her, or you might find small items in the house branded as if by intense heat, or the bones of rats may be found in her bedclothes."

- Overseer Sturgess

"Is the Outsider a winged serpent? - Random Male Civilian

Coriander of Morley wrote that such serpents are kin to the whales and leviathans, and indeed, sailors off the shores of Pandyssia tell of great winged shapes seen circling far inland, if such reports are to be believed. But the Outsider is something else, not of flesh, a being that haunts creation from first to last, incorporeal but not without force and influence. And so, briefly and in conclusion: not a winged serpent." - Overseer Sturgess

"Accused: Archibald Pelling Recovered: Effigy of the Lord Regent Sentence: Sentenced to 3 years imprisonment at Coldridge Accused: Beatrice Gould Recovered: Collection of animal skulls, carved with pictographic sigils Sentence: Home confiscated Accused: Charles Hanley Recovered: Book of rituals Sentence: Home and property seized, banished to the flooded district”

- Confiscation Log 2749

“Did you hear about Mrs. Brimsley? You’ll never believe this. She had her jobber pick up a boy in the street, barely sixteen years old, no family left. They were sexual rites, I can only assume. Or else, I heard she bathed in her own nephew’s blood. It’s a ritual for the Outsider. To keep them safe. The Brimsleys made an awful lot of money this past century. Makes you wonder if those rituals work.”

- Female noble

"The carving itself is a practice from long back, passed from father to son, old man salt to greenhorn still getting his sea legs beneath him. In the old times, men cut into the tusks of ice seals and into the arm-long fangs of bears that roamed the isles north of Tyvia. Once the whale trade began, the practitioners went to engraving the bones of these great beasts, rendering charms that sing in the night and grant some small boon to a man's vigor or defense against pregnancy.”

- Bone Charms

"Many of those we faced were accused of bewitching their neighbors or family, controlling them from afar, or even walking around in their skins. And I have seen this with my own eyes, as one woman slid into the form of another, prowling unseen until a vigilant Overseer struck down both the witch and her host. Others, detailed herein, were found to stand in two places seemingly at once, or to vanish from one place and appear in another.”

- The Great Trials

"At night she told me of her dreams. Of the empty place where the Outsider whispered to her. With each visit, her craft grew, until she could see through the eyes of moths, and unlock a door or window latch from outside a house.”

- The Outsider

"They butchered the deep ones here, breathing in the rich stink of their enchanted flesh." (The Flooded District)

"This place is the end of all things. And the beginning." (The Void)

"All of time is meaningless here. Neither seconds nor centuries." (The Void)

"Someday this place will devour all the lights in the sky." (The Void)

"The one who walks here is all things. Cradle songs of comfort and bones gnawed by teeth." (The Outsider)

"This is the place from which those who dabble in the black arts draw their power. And this place is their doom." (The Void)

"Each and every night the black-eyed Outsider visits upon Piero's dreams." (Piero)

"He doubts his abilities. The curse was not broken. If anything the woman's warts seemed worse than ever." (Overseer)

"He feels poorly, and suspects a witch's curse." (Overseer)

"He is loyal to Daud, yes, but there is something else. Something - no, I cannot see." (Whaler)

"They are like puppets. They do not act of their own will." (Whaler)

"It is as if there is a cloak around him, and I cannot see through it." (Whaler)

"A haze surrounds them - I cannot see through it." (Whaler)

-The Heart

“I could swear the charm in my hand reacted to the Overseer’s music, growing cold. Some inner vibration seemed to go still.”

 - Overseer’s Music Note

“I put it under my pillow for good luck. But it gave me bad dreams.”

- Emily about a rune

“I managed to steal away one of the charms they were smashing in Warehouse A. Smashing them! Such beautiful and powerful things and my brothers have no idea. They'll never find me back here though. Nobody ever comes back here. I can brick up the door and they'll never find me. It's all mine.”

- Hiding Place

“I thought it was safe, but there were rats, so many rats. Completely infested. I know some folks aren’t superstitious but I swear, the rats showed up after a man came through waving around an amulet of some kind. It looked like it was made of bone.”

- Female civilian

“2nd Day, Month of Darkness

Someone else found this place and wants to share it. He has a strange amulet made of bone and he claims that it protects him from the plague.

4th Day, Month of Darkness

Since he arrived, I’ve been having bad dreams and I don’t feel really well. There’re more and more rats in the building. Soon, I won’t be able to leave this shack even if I want to. I’m starting to think that his amulet is cursed.”

-  Tyrion’s Journal

“A sweet lady named Abigail left a little something for you. It’s in my safe. Please take it away. I’ve had nightmares since it arrived here.”

- Black market dealer

“As instructed by your Whalers, I have dredged this horrid thing up from the depths of the storm drains and placed it in the agreed upon location in hopes that you, and only you, recover it. But be warned, poor fortune has followed me every step of the way since laying hands on this thing, and I am overjoyed at the prospect of leaving it here and being done with it. May it treat you better than it has me.”

- Warning from an Anonymous Friend

“28th Day, Month of Nets Last day of the month, my fortunes have turned. I found something. Shiny, shiny, and old. Looks like whale bone, which is supposed to be lucky.

10th Day, Month of Rain I put my whale bone carving on a shelf, but I could not see it from some parts of the room. So I made a little pedestal for it. It looks nice in the candle light.

15th Day, Month of Rain Sometimes I dream about it. In the dreams, it makes sound like wind, through a broken window. One some nights, the wind sounds like a voice. I was supposed to go to the docks, to ship out, but I remembered too late. It was days ago.

18th Day, Month of Rain My cousin came, but we fought over it. When I came into the room, he was holding it. I screamed at him and we fought. Now I am filled with remorse.

26th Day, Month of Rain He’s still sitting in the corner, across from the candles. He was a thief.

2nd Day, Month of Wind I wonder how he knew about it. Coming to dinner was a trick.

Maybe he told others.

7th Day, Month of Wind Barricades in the halls outside. It is safe now.

11th Day, Month of Wind The Watch came, taking people away. The neighbors. Someone in the building has the rat plague. Gone now. It promises to protect me. Each night it promises.”

- Journal Entry Part One/Two/Three

“You are safe now. No one can find you here. No one. No one can reach you here. I almost died trying, and I am a better climber than any of them. But you gave me claws for the climb! You want me as much as I want you. We will stay here until they have forgotten about us. We will stay here for as long as it takes. I feel like sleeping. Don't leave while I sleep, because I need you. I will stay as long as I can. Forever.”

- Written in Blood

“FRIENDLY

Dearie, You shouldn't fraternize with those bad boys from the distillery. That elixir hasn't improved their dispositions and they don't treat my birdies very nicely at all.

If you start keeping company with them or their so-called boss, you may fall out of favor with me. You wouldn't want that, would you?

Granny

---

HOSTILE

Dearie, You shouldn't fraternize with those bad boys from the distillery. That elixir hasn't improved their dispositions and they don't treat my birdies very nicely at all.

They're a bad influence and I'm trying to warn you. You've started falling out of favor with me, I have to say. You don't want to keep going down that road, do you?

Granny”

- Note From Granny

The above notes imply that Granny Rags can see potential futures. You can find a version of this note on her foreclosed home before you agree to help Slackjaw.

-

"That old witch Granny Rags told me that you'll lose your taste for whiskey in the month of Wind. Then your eyes will go dim in the month of Seeds. And you'll draw your last breath in the month of Ice.”

- Jelly’s Next Task

“Stronger than scrimshaw? A skull full of guile. Whale bile. Bones in a pile. White-scraped gleaming. Kindle fire and crackle fat. Big black gobs of spat. Fume up. Fume up. Feathers. Mad-eyed bird fell to ground. Seeds. Nettle. Needly. Needles see. Stir a bit.”

- Strange Smelling Manuscript

“I’m going to boil off the nasty fat and sinew and carve a pretty song on your bones.” “Tired? Too bad for you. Granny doesn’t need rest.” “Bones of the great leviathan! Protect me!” “You will die! And I'll carve spells into your ribs!” 

- Granny Rags

"Last night Corporal Huso woke up to find the freak leering at him in the dark. Other men have reported that personal items have gone missing, with odd things left in their place. Sanders said he found a bunch of teeth wrapped up in his handkerchief. Teeth. And Bilson found three painted rat-heads on a string in his shaving kit.”

- Concerns About the Royal Interrogator

"The port side eye of whale, newly dead Plop it in the pot, grisly and red Weeper, Weeper, weeps no more Laid to rest on blood-etched floor Do this for me dearie and I'll give you a birthday treat.”

- Granny's Recipe

"Cruel Nancy! Take the World from her greedy hands. Lay it before the black-eyed groom Cut sharp, cut deep. Red drip, drop. Last and least. Burn it in the hearth of a lawless man. Do this for me dearie and I'll give you a birthday treat.”

- Granny's Recipe

"Bring a man to represent my black-eyed groom Fetch a woman to represent me in my youth Lay them together in the eternal circle A wedding band, to bind them, placed on the silver tray Do this for me dearie and I'll give you a wedding gift”

- Granny's Wedding Recreation

"Dreary waters, hissing daughters. Crack three green shells and steal their pearls. Turn the spigot and drink from the misery of a broken house. Gulp and swallow, follow, follow. Three wet marbles down the gullet. Do this for me dearie and I'll give you a birthday gift.”

- Page From an Old Book

“[Excerpt from the journal of an explorer and natural philosopher]

Dr. Hazian's interpretations of the Pandyssian carvings are the height of ignorance. The core theme is not renewal, but dire warning. The central figure is not a benign spirit. It is clearly a monster, and the jewel a type of fetish, the key to its dark potency perhaps. The panels should be read as follows: The hero-figure steals the jewel from the monster and casts it into an unquenchable fire. Thus, the monster is made mortal and the hero is able to slay it, breaking the cycle of terror.

[Note scrawled in the margins]

Vera has taken an inordinate interest in my field manuals. Such appetites are unseemly in a lady of her station. I shall have to reprimand her.

[Second note, written in a different hand]

So dreary dreary, dearie.”

- Explorer’s Journal

“It’s the witches’ curse! We should have paid.”

- A guard after Daud blows up Rothwild’s slaughterhouse

“Do you hear the whales singing? In your dreams?” (Paraphrased)

- Butcher

Timsh and Thalia summoned an apparition of Delilah by accident, possibly scrying.`

-

"This one liked to carve wood. Once he carved a small whale. He spoke to it and kept it in his pocket. Its grains knew all of his secrets. Just as I do. This one was a teacher. She used to teach the children about the black-eyed one she saw in her dreams. No one knew. But then one of the children went into a trance and began to cry her name. Then the Overseers came.”

- Cultist Scribblings

"Then there are those who can craft runes and charms. The old woman across town - they call her Granny Rags - she carves and polishes the bones of whales, stringing them together and opening them to the Void until they moan like fever-sick on a cold night. I've found a few of her talismans, and with each one I touched, a tiny piece of me departed and settled in with her. What does she gain? A longer life? Some other kind of power I don't understand? The making of things is beyond me. I bought one of these corrupted charms that she swore would cause sharp metal to break on my skin, and it worked. But each time it did, one of my teeth turned black and fell out. After the third time, I gave it to one of my men. Now when he smiles, it's all bleeding gums, and I wonder what parts inside him are turning black.”

- Cobbled Bits of Bone

"Lilika, you cheat. For months I poured coin into your pockets, paying for all the things you requested: food and lodging at the outskirts of town, livestock with birth defects whose purpose I cannot imagine, toxic plants and alchemical materials. The baboon blood and cartilage of deep dwelling fish were not cheap, I assure you! But even more costly was the scrimshaw I painstakingly acquired from sailors during the past year. Carved from the bones of whales and said to hum with powers from beyond the world, these cost me half my savings. And you swore to me - swore! - that you could provide me with the charm I wanted. I was quite clear. I had your word that I would be able to visit Abrielle in my dreams, that I could woo her while sleeping. You promised that she would love me. Instead you delivered me this lump of old bones, scratched and hacked at. Wired together as if made by a child. For two weeks I kept it close to my heart. And at night when I slept I did see Abrielle, oh yes. I saw her lying with everyone I've ever hated, rivals and enemies who've bested me in business or in sport. Men who have bullied or insulted me, including my infernal older brother. I wake each morning clenching my teeth in shame and rage. Such terrible nose bleeds, I suffered, and my hair began to fall out in clumps. I threw the cursed thing in the lake just to be rid of it.”

- Corrupted Charms

"Halfway to Karnaca, our caravan stopped in a lakeside town where we learned that a man had been recently murdered. Initially, this was no cause for our involvement, until we heard about some of the things found in his keeping: Red-wax candles that we suspect were mixed with ox blood, clippings of hair, and a painting that hung over his kitchen table, depicting a small girl carrying two dried leaves. I need not tell a man of your wisdom that these things were of concern, but other clues confiscated at the site were far more serious.”

- Warning on Corrupted Charms

"Another spirit playing mischief.”

“Come out, now! I’ll have your eyes.”

“I will comb her hair again in the evening and another time on the following night. Then on the third I’ll put a needle to her throat.”

“I wonder if she’s the one who’s been putting teeth under my pillow.”

“No, no, it’s one thimble of quicksilver and three kingsparrow feathers. Never the other way ‘round.”

“Where can find the heart of a bloodox now that all the farmers are dead from the plague?“

“We’ll boil these bones tonight.”

“Your blood will make a fine soup.”

"I'll read signs from your guts!"

"I will put your teeth on a silk thread."

"I will carve a flute out of your bones that when played will make your spirit writhe in the Void." (Paraphrased)

- Witches

"The Painting of the possession target must be positioned above the altar. After preparing the ritual, the performer must lay on the altar. If the ritual has been prepared correctly, the performer will then enter into the body of the subject of the painting. Warning: The subject of the painting must be the possession target. Any other painting may trap the performer of the ritual.”

- Painting Ritual

"My followers will bear the lantern to the gallery in order to open the way to the Void. There, I will use the painting to complete the ritual. My walk into Emily's flesh must be undisturbed. The ritual has other uses, which I will explore over time. Any image made by my hand could serve as the focal point for the spell. I imagine one of my enemies as a still life, imprisoned in a bowl of fruit without amusement.”

- Delilah's Journal

The lantern that Delilah uses to open and seal her entrance to the Void emits the same sound the Heart makes.

-

“The Void has more briars than that. Infinitely more.”

- Delilah, after Daud destroys a bloodbriar she summoned

Delilah’s witches mention that Delilah can see glimpses of the future in the Void, Delilah's "effigies" (as she calls them) are stronger in the Void, and Delilah mesmerized Timsh through her portrait of him as a weaker form of what she intended to do to Emily.

-

"So far in this almanac we have cataloged many trite and ignorant, if somewhat harmless tales, but we must now turn to that special class of folk customs that can only be called wicked and pernicious. The worst of these is perhaps the Rhyme of the Rosewater Hag. Variants of this accursed poem seem to predate even the founding of Dunwall, though its ultimate origins are lost to us. As to its meaning, some consider it a tale of revenge by a mother against her own daughter. Others see it as a supplication meant to solicit the attention of some ancient spirit from the Void. In any case, the ritual surrounding the poem is profusely morbid, and in many regions is used as a primitive means of settling the matter between two parties where one has accused the other of falsehood. It is performed as follows: First, whoever is to be tested must find a fountain of standing water and cover the surface with fallen rose petals. Once there are sufficient petals as to completely obscure the water, you must close your eyes firmly, and place both hands within the fountain so that they are submerged beneath the blanket of rose petals. Then you are to recite the following verses: THE ROSEWATER HAG A fountain of standing water with the Rhyme of the Rosewater Hag sitting at its edge. Petals, petals on the water Tell me, tell me, where's your daughter? Has she drowned beneath the mark? Has she vanished in the dark? Petals, petals on the water Tell me, tell me, where's your daughter? Has she trysted by the well? Has she secrets left to tell? Petals, petals on the water Tell me, tell me, am I your daughter? After this you must lean into the fountain, lowering your head fully into the water and under the rose petals, face first with both eyes still squeezed tight. Count to three and then open your eyes. At that moment, it is said that the Rosewater Hag will arrive. If you are without fault you will see nothing, except that you will feel her gentle caress on the back of your neck. But if there is a falsehood or wickedness in your heart you will see the terrible face of the Rosewater Hag, a creature of indescribable horror. The hag will drown you in the fountain with a cord made of thorny vines. Obviously, while the Abbey takes things very seriously, most authorities classify this tale as superstitious nonsense. However, it must be noted that every year there are at least half a dozen reports from the countryside, of young women found dead and blue-faced, with their necks nicked and scratched as if by a collar of thorns.”

- Rhyme of the Rosewater Hag

"First Excerpt [Excerpt from a longer banned work on supernatural ritual] It is said that we should not sully our hands when combating the forces of the Void. My studies have been deemed heretical by my brothers, but the rewards have been invaluable. I have harnessed the same energies employed by the Outsider and his accused followers while avoiding their corruption. I will prescribe a two-fold method in this text. Indirection: As the unwholesome powers of the Outsider use living flesh as a conduit, we can avoid being tainted by using the flesh of others instead. Containment: By using Channels and Barriers we can focus these Void energies in a raw state, shielding them from the perverse perspectives of the Outsider. Second Excerpt [Excerpt from a longer, banned, work on supernatural ritual] There are some depraved rituals which not even the most adept can describe, the very act of recording the atrocity of their nature enough to corrode the mind of they who dare approach the task. It is said that even the whispering of such eldritch spells weakens the tether that links this world to the Void, the very connection that we draw upon in order to command the magicks of the ages.”

- The Metaphysika Mysterium

[penniesforthestorm]

Heaven’s Gate (1980)

***Disclosure: I watched the 154-minute theatrical cut, on a laptop, which feels like a disservice, but it was on Hulu and my curiosity got the better of me.

If, like me, you read a lot of film criticism, eventually, you’ll run into a discussion or a mention of Heaven’s Gate. What you glean from this context is something along these lines: this film ruined Michael Cimino’s career, bankrupted United Artists, marked the end of New Hollywood, and it’s way too long. (I’ve ranked these items in order of their relative objectivity.) For some, all of this would be a turn-off. For me, though, it only made me more curious, especially once I saw one or two mentions of it being a ‘flawed masterpiece’. I’m always intrigued by a big, wild artistic swing, even or perhaps especially if it’s close to a disaster. Lynch’s Dune, Apocalypse Now, High Plains Drifter-- I could go on. So when I decided to watch Heaven’s Gate, my main intent was to try and meet it on its own terms, using the same central questions I bring to any movie: What do I think the director is trying to do, do I think they succeed, and why or why not?

From the opening notes of the overture, I was immediately intrigued. The film’s score, composed by David Mansfield, is not the kind of triumphant, vaguely Teutonic classical theme we might associate with a John Ford Western. Nor is it a twangy fiddle-and-banjo affair. Instead, it has a distinctly Eastern European flavor, with plucked strings and minor tonalities. As it turns out, this is kind of the key to the whole film-- it’s not really a Western at all. It’s more like an epic Russian novel that just happens to take place on the American frontier. Through this lens, the massive scope of the project suddenly makes a lot more sense.

The score has a less abstract significance, as well-- Heaven’s Gate is set in 1890, when immigration to the U.S. from Eastern Europe was reaching its peak. Most of the film’s ‘population’, as it were, are Czech, Bulgarian, and Polish immigrants, who are targets of the nastiest kinds of nativist suspicion-- routinely named as ‘anarchists’ and accused of (among other things) having too many children. A private stockman’s association in Wyoming, headed by the oily Mr. Frank Canton (Sam Waterston, putting his talent for WASP-y, patrician disdain to excellent use), has effectively declared war on a particularly fractious county, alleging that its inhabitants routinely traffic in stolen cattle.

Before we get there, though, we’re treated to a dream. The film opens on an imposing stone edifice, shrouded in summer-morning mist, and pans down to reveal a young man in a fine suit, running pell-mell across the dewy courtyard. He soon meets up with a crowd of his fellows, a roistering band of black-clad youths (following behind an actual band playing the chorus of “Battle Hymn of the Republic”). It’s commencement, Harvard, 1870. Pretty girls wave from windows and giggle behind their lace gloves. The class speaker, named as W.C. Irvine (John Hurt) makes a show of astonishment on his way to the podium. Later, in the soft evening light, the graduates and their sweethearts twirl on the lawn to “The Blue Danube Waltz”. The camera twirls, too, bowing in and out from the circle of voluminous skirts. Our latecomer from the morning, who has been addressed as James (Kris Kristofferson), takes the arm of a lovely blonde, and they laugh in mutual delight. Quite suddenly, the dancing turns into a spirited brawl, with a few gallant punches thrown. Our young heroes are shown finally gathered together, noses bloody but eyes bright, facing toward a future in which they will help to civilize their vast nation. Or some such thing.

The film then flashes forward to a muddy yard outside a log cabin, where a cow has been butchered, its innards being excavated by the butcher and his family. Then the shadow of a hat creeps up along the bottom of the white sheet serving as an improvised wall. The butcher calls out, and takes a bullet to the head in response. Framed through the rip in the sheet is an elegant young man in dandyish grey (Christopher Walken). Later, we find out his name-- Nicholas Champion. He is an enforcer for the Association, referred to as a traitor by one of the men he apprehends. Meanwhile James, now Sheriff Averill, disembarks the train at the local station, and right away, we sense something is amiss. As he walks into the general store, a roughnecked man studiously avoids his eyes. Another man is examining a knife for sale, and the camera lingers on the bright flash of the blade.

This is the essence of Heaven’s Gate-- its focus is, overwhelmingly, on the visual details. The cinematographer is Vilmos Zsigmond (McCabe and Mrs. Miller, The Deer Hunter, Close Encounters of the Third Kind), and the color palette reminded me of the autochrome process used in some early photography-- lots of deep brown, grey, green, and purple. Smoke and mist and haze frequently drift over the scenery. Most of the film was shot on location in Glacier National Park in northern Montana, which made it deeply moving for me-- the bright turquoise hue of the lakes, the abundant wildflowers, the craggy mountain peaks. There’s another dance, introduced by a debonair young fiddler on roller skates (the film’s composer, David Mansfield)-- and then when the assembled citizens join in, we see that everyone’s on roller skates! It is kind of absurd, but in a thrilling way, at least for the majority of the runtime.

Unfortunately, however, this focus on setting the scene does lead to some neglect of the characters. It’s no fault of the actors. Kristofferson’s ramblin’-man grace is perfectly suited to the role of James Averill, Southern scion trying genuinely to be a figure of decency in the world. Walken’s striking, nervy energy animates the ambitious Nicholas Champion, who is increasingly unsure which side he wants to be on. John Hurt makes an entire three-course meal out of too little screentime-- going from W.C. Irvine, Harvard class clown, to being addressed contemptuously by Waterston as “Billy”, a sozzled, tragic cynic. Isabelle Huppert brings a fascinating steeliness to Ella Watson, the local madame who knows her business and knows it well. But (at least in this cut) those one-sentence summaries are about all the character development we get, and it’s a shame, because there are a lot of intriguing threads here.

Still, I came away from Heaven’s Gate feeling like I’d seen something important. It’s passionately made and often magnificent-- the first half is just one brilliant sequence after another. Sure, it staggers under its own weight a little bit, but it’s attempting the type of load one rarely sees. Someday I’ll have to hunt down a Director’s Cut (I know there are a few versions out there) and see it on a big screen. I know it’ll be worth it.

[stumblingsbalderdash]

OC interview

Oc Interview Meme

I was sorta tagged by @sakurabunnie! Thanks so much! (〃‿〃✿)

For Arachne de Moitessier

1. What is your name? “My name is Arachne de Moitessier”

2. What is your real name? “ Grand Duchess Arachne  de Moitessier- Trevelyan , ”

3. Do you know why you were called that? “My Grandfather named me after the protagnist of his favorite fable.” 

4. Are you single or taken? “I’m happily married.”

5. Have any abilities or powers? “I am remarkable talented at the “game.” along with some magical talents”

6. Stop being a Mary Sue “I’m afraid I don’t know who Mary sue is or purpose she serves in this interview.”

7. What’s your eye colour? ”My eyes are a light blue.”

8. How about your hair colour? “White blonde, inherted from my father’s side.”

9. Have you any family members? “My granfather and cousin’s are still alive, however that could always change in Orlais. ”

10. Oh? What about pets?

“ I have no pets.”

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like. “I dislike abuse of power and anti-magical tirades ”

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?   “I enjoy working on my craft, tarot card readings, debating with my husband, playing chest and playing the harp. ”

13. Ever hurt anyone before? ”Yes, I am orlesian after all.”

14. Ever… killed anyone before? “On my orders yes, they are not my proudest moments”

15. What kind of animal are you? ”You mean a spirit totem? A spider”

16. Name your worst habits. “Some would say it’s kindess to elves,I provided the alienage with a school and proper resouces before Celene ordered it’s demise.”

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“Several tutors, maids and nannies.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual? “I am not sure the importance unless you mean to use this information against me.” Arachne adjusts her mask, “ I am overly conscious, my apologizes-- I married my husband for his intelligence and compassion.” 

19. Do you go to school? ”I was privately tutored by the best in Orlais, I then graduated from the University of Orlais with a degree in Economics and music. ”

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day? “I’m married to the perfect man and hope children will come soon.”

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls? “ They can be dangerous, no?”

22. What are you most scared of? “Losing my family…and closed places.”

23. What do you usually wear? “I generally wear gowns made by my family’s seamstress.”

24. Do you love someone? “I’m deeply in love with my husband”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself? “Darling.” She laughs loudly “ I was about 6 or so when I stopped wetting the bed.” 

26. Well, it’s not over yet! “Very well, continue.”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class) “I am Grand Duchess of the Orlesian empire, dearest.” She stares for a moment, “It means I born into the upper class.”

28. How many friends do you have?

“I don’t many friends, they can be very dangerous.” She removes her mask and give a grim look, “ The game teaches you to wary of friends, remember keep your friends close but emenies closer.” 

29. What are your thoughts on pie? “ I’m not a fan of pie but there are these delicious mini cakes in Val Royeaux.”

30. Favourite drink? “I prefer a finely aged pink Champagne and lavender teas.”

31. What’s your favourite place? “In my personal library, in Val Royeaux and by my husband’s side.”

32. Are you interested in someone? *raises eyebrow*“Aren’t you cheeky, I am already married, darling”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

*She chuckles* “You are cheeky, I have an ample cup size”

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean? “I find oceans more soothing.”

35. What’s your type? “Someone who is intelligent, strong-willed, witty, kind, and has great business sense. ”

36. Any fetishes? *Smiles politely* “A true lady, never tells her secrets.”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive? *smirks*“Again what I do in the bedroom is private.”

38. Camping or indoors? “I do not camp so the indoors.”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end? “I have a very busy schedule and need to help my husband.”

40. Now it’s over! “Pleasure, my dear.”

I tag: @frenchy-and-the-sea, @pelle-lavellan @sakurabunnie @justhanderspositive ,  @dmonfoxriot and whoever else wants to! (੭ˊ꒳ ˋ)੭✧

[pelle-lavellan-a]

Pelle x Aela Ficlet

Timeline: Pre-Quisition

Ship : Pelle Sibil x Aela Lavellan

POV: Aela Lavellan

2269 Words

If this was some kind of cruel joke, I was really hoping for a punchline that would make me forgive him. Even if I could get my hopes up for something like that, if he was lying about this...about any of this.

I would never speak to him again.

Six months ago, if I told myself I would be laying next to the Keeper’s First, Pelledir bloody fucking Sibil, with our fingers intertwined listening to the peaceful sounds of nature in the dead of night basking in the moonlight that cut through the trees.

I’d have laughed right in my silly face.

Now I know what you’re thinking...Pelle and I have been friends since i found him healing a fox whose leg had been caught on of the hunter’s traps. He was three years old...I was six. Even then I thought he was beautiful--I don’t know if that’s possible but something about him has always left me wanting more.

I mean that in the most non sexual way possible. Whenever I look at him I wonder--if the embodiment of our souls was a person..would it look like him? Everything he did, every word he spoke...even his terrible jokes--it was all expressed with such gentle passion..and sometimes I wished that just once in my life I want to be like him.

There was something magical about the forest that Pelle loved to listen to so much. It was ironic really. Pelle hated silence more than anything, even more than violence. Despite this, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him happier than when he lays still on the forest floor with his eyes closed in serene silence. He just looked so peaceful, he was so happy when he could just be himself. No worrying about me and my demon predicament, no Talwinne pressing him for answers regarding that particular predicament, no blatant denial of his modest and beautiful pacifism, no blood, no murder, no fighting between us, no me slowly breaking his heart with every waking minute. It was just...well once I would have considered it silence.

But to him I swear he believed he was in a symphony.

I used to think he was crazy, but nowadays I could hear it. It was amazing the things his ears picked up for someone who spent most of his life reading and being intensely tutored in both magic and natural lore. I was a hunter, one of the best in the clan and even still I came to learn that I had been trained just like him. Except I had trained myself to only hear what I wanted to hear. Pelle wasn’t allowed to hunt because of his poor health, my grandmother had labelled him too frail both in body and in heart to wander out with the hunters and take the life of animals for survival. Once I would have agreed with her.

But she was wrong. And so was I.

I tilted my body to the right just slightly so I could see him. He made no effort opening his eyes or questioning my reason for loosening the knot created by my brown and his freckled fingers. A loving smile tugged at the corners of my lips, I couldn’t help it. Even if I spent so much yelling at him, fighting him about the choices I was making, and my inevitable vice of being unable to control the magic neither of us had any business knowing even a whisper of, I couldn’t help but feel so lucky to have him. Most people would have told me to fuck off by now, but he didn’t.

I knew deep down he would be happier if I would have never made a deal with a demon on his behalf in the first place If I were to, be a normal girl with normal problems who didn’t battle with demon possession every day of her life. He probably would have loved to have the confidence that the girl he’d given his heart to wasn’t someone who may or may not be an abomination tomorrow.

I tried not to think about it.

Because despite the rather obvious things, if he really didn’t love me he’d be long gone by now. He’d have run away when I told him about the desire demon. He’d have been creeped out that my desire to protect him from the bullshit trickling out of a city that seemed too far away to touch us was so strong that I would sell my soul for him.

In retrospect he wouldn’t be laying beside me sharing something as personal as his peace with me.

I watched him carefully and quietly, I didn’t want to miss a single breath that rose and fell from his slender frame. The moonlight cast upon us highlighted his freckles like a projection of the stars on his cheeks. His complexion was still a little red from the fresh vallaslin on he’d received only a few hours ago. I had to keep myself from tracing my fingers along the charcoal colored lines that marked him as an adult amongst our people.

To be honest it wasn’t just his face that I wanted to touch. I wanted to touch every inch of him so badly. I wanted to count every freckle that dusted his pale rosy skin, I wanted to trace all the shapes of his beautiful face, I wanted to taste the lips I’d mustered the courage to kiss years ago in our childhood in a way I hadn’t experienced them before. I wanted to love him the same way he loved the woods, with such an unspeakable passion that only his gentle and awe inspiring spirit could conceive.

Pelle must have felt my eyes upon him because he bared his hanting amber eyes towards me. His gaze lingered for what felt like years before he sat up with a quizzical expression on his face.

“You alright?” He asked me softly.

I grinned like a sap, which of course caused him to look even more confused. “Yeah..” I nodded. “I’m just...so happy right now.”

Pelle’s head cocked like a puzzled bird but seemed incapable of suppressing the sweet smile that snuck up on him. “Oh? What for?”

I felt like an idiot, a giggly idiot. But I meant it, really I did. I shrugged. “That’s what the weird part, I don’t think even I know.” I replied before shyly tucking a tuft of my raven hair behind my short and frankly very human ear.

Pelle chuckled softly. “Something in the air I guess.” He suggested.

Oh it was something in the air alright. Something sitting right in front of me breathing in said air and smiling at me in a way I never would have considered myself worthy of. “I guess so…” I murmured before turning my body forwards again and stared onwards into the twilight trees in front of us.

Pelle’s eyes eventually averted from me and he looked ahead as well. “Thanks for coming out here with me..”

“What? No way Pelle! Thank you for bringing me out here.” I replied almost instantly. “Honestly, I never knew what someone who hated silence so much could see in the idle woods...but I think I get it now.”

Now Pelle was the one grinning like an idiot. He didn’t say anything in response but the dorky way he smiled from ear to ear was answer enough for me. He was so cute, I don’t think he even tried to be, but he was a real master at it. I took a small risk and scooted close enough to him that our legs touched.

“I don’t know how I didn’t understand it before. It isn’t nearly as quiet as I thought it was with the trees rustling, the owls gossiping and what not.”

Pelle snorted with laughter and I swear I think I stopped breathing for a second. “You think they’re talking about us?” He asked.

“As if!” I said. “What would they even have to talk about?” I asked. Then for some godforsaken reason I started imitating owls in this very unnecessary voice. “Look at those weird kids down there napping in the dirt! Why you’d almost think they thought they were in some terrible romance novel!” I joked.

Thank the Creators Pelle thought I was a lot funnier than I was. It meant he got to laugh and my ears got to be blessed by the sound of it.

“But really though.” I kept talking, because I always did. “I bet shem--humans..” Elvhen or not Pelle didn’t like the word shemlins, so I always tried to remember not to use it in front of him. “I bet humans think that nights like this are things that only happen in their terrible books.”

“I didn’t realize you were such an expert.” He teased.

I couldn’t read, he knew that...somehow that made his comment twice as effective. But I was going to pretend I was the greatest reader in all of Thedas, it added to the effect of it all.

“Oh but I am!” I declared. “I’ve studied all their writing patterns and their tropes, their quite fascinating really you should take a crack at them someday. In fact, I can think of one very specific trope that the humans have tried so so hard to create and you know now that I think about it--it’s exactly like what we’re doing save for one thing.”

“Oh really?” said Pelle. He knew I was completely shitting him but he humoured me anyway. I loved that about him. “And what is this one thing?” He asked.

And now there was a pit in my stomach. Maker I thought this was going to be a lot easier if I did some pretty godly grandstanding beforehand, but it just made me more nervous. Because now I had his full undivided attention, and while he was probably expecting me to do something outrageous was this actually too bold of me?

“Well you see.” I coughed. Wow, I really was a loser wasn’t I? “Usually in books exactly like nights like these, everything is always perfect because things are about to get a lot less perfect afterwards but someone...usually person A wants person B to know that even though life has a very high potential of getting real shitty that they want person B to look back on that night and remember that sometimes stuff is okay, sometimes life is perfect you know?”

Where was I even going with this? I was making a real mess of things. Was there a way to talk myself out of this? If there was I was going to find it, so I opened my mouth and took one more profoundly stupid breath with full preparation to spout some more incredible nonsense.

But Pelle stopped me. “Aela…” He spoke my name softly and immediately my throat went dry. I held my tongue and stared at him my mouth still open but no words came out.

“It’s okay.” He whispered before turning to face me.. “And..if you ever need a reminder of that for any reason at all you need only ask.” He told me.

I let out a physical frustrated groan. “No no! This isn’t about me Pelle it’s about..” He could feel my voice start to shake again, it was only a matter of time before I was rendered speechless again.

So I quit.

In one swift and frankly clumsy movement I a ran my fingers into Pelle’s strawberry blond curls and pulled his face towards mine. Our noses bumped at first but I refused to let my embarrassment of nearly head butting Pelle stop me from getting this out. It only took a small tilt of my head for me to catch his lips against mine and seal the last little detail of the trope I had completely made up just a few minutes ago.

I felt Pelle’s cheeks heat up against mine and I knew that his face was now flushed for a reason quite different than a fresh tattoo. I could tell that this must have been his first real kiss, his hands seemed a tad confused about what they were supposed to be doing. I giggled against his lips before releasing him and letting my eyes flutter open. There was a small twinge of panic on his face, in the back on my mind I wondered had I gone too far.

Still he got even more adorable after I kissed him. His ears stuck straight up and his face was a furiously vibrant shade of crimson, perhaps if his face wasn’t already red it would have been more tame but for now it was quite an extreme color for him. His amber eyes stared holes into my heart, it never occurred to what a wide eyed boy he seemed despite having seen so many terrible things.

I smiled warmly at him, from the looks of it he was still trying to process the fact that we’d kissed at all. “Relax..” I whispered cupping his face before leaning in and capturing him in another kiss.

The second time he was more prepared, probably felt a lot less like he had just been pounced on. He returned the soft gesture and let his left hand wander gingerly up to my cheeks. Our free hand...somehow they wound up laced back together just as they’d been before.

And for just a fleeting moment. My utter bullshit was absolutely right for once.

Everything was perfect