#peerless cucumber discord server

[envyenvys]

svsss | one-shot | T | 2.4k | ao3

This is. unreasonably long for what it is. I wrote this whole thing in a day bc I couldn’t stop thinking abt it and it’s so stupid but I hope it’s also as funny as I think it is??? So here, have some post-canon bingqiu nonsense from an outsider pov

What’s His Fucking Deal

#cucumber-spotting

dick jokes

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Do you still take commissions?”]

passionate ranting

no fucking way

he’s still alive???

binghe obsession

of course this is how we find out

homoerotic undertones

maybe he really was dead and he just rose from the grave to commission art of lbh one last time

in a totally hetero way ofc

binghe obsession

ofc

passionate ranting

after a year?

homoerotic undertones

anything’s possible

binghe obsession

@ dick jokes what did he want anyway

?

homoerotic undertones

@ dick jokes

dick jokes

gimme a minute he’s still explaining

homoerotic undertones

still???

passionate ranting

ooo point for me

homoerotic undertones

no it’s not, that’s just how he talks

it needs to be pidw comment level ranting or it doesn’t count

binghe obsession

probably still a point for me though

homoerotic undertones

shut the fuck up

basically everything he says counts as a point for you

some of us actually need to put effort into our point collecting

binghe obsession

skill issue

your fault for picking one of the harder ones

dick jokes

how do you think I feel

binghe obsession

yeah you really fucked that one up

he’s only ever made like one dick joke

passionate ranting

famously

binghe obsession

famously

dick jokes

what the actual fuck

THERES NO WAY

he’s serious?????????

homoerotic undertones

context??

binghe obsession

what did he do now

dick jokes

he wants me to

how the fuck do I phrase this so it makes sense

he wants me to go to his stupidly expensive apartment to paint a portrait of him and his husband(???????) in sqq x lbh cosplay

📌 [passionate ranting pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.]

homoerotic undertones

how gullible do you think we are

dick jokes

IM NOT FUCKING JOKING

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Would it be possible for you to paint at least part of it in person? My husband would prefer the authenticity of a live portrait, though it can still be digital.”]

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “My apartment would be best, our cosplay will likely attract too much attention anywhere else.”]

passionate ranting

WHAT

HUSBAND??????????????????

homoerotic undertones

oh my fucking god

binghe obsession

did he marry a lbh cosplayer

please say yes

passionate ranting

SHEN QINGQIU??????????

what the fuck HAPPENED to him while he was gone????

homoerotic undertones

maybe he got fucking

binghe obsession

lmfao he wishes

homoerotic undertones

transmigrated

let me finish??

passionate ranting

I mean……

he did get married, so

it’s likely

binghe obsession

can we go back to the part where under suggested he got fucking transmigrated

homoerotic undertones

think about it

binghe obsession

oh don’t worry I’m definitely thinking about it

passionate ranting

wait no I kinda get it

PC is kind of perfect for a transmigration romance tbh

homoerotic undertones

he’d be so good at it

passionate ranting

like imagine he ended up in pidw, he probably knows that world better than the author at this point

classic op otome isekai protag

homoerotic undertones

exactlyyyy

binghe obsession

what if we had a normal conversation for once

passionate ranting

in the peerless cucumber discord server?

binghe obsession

yeah okay point taken

then can either of you two geniuses explain the lbh x sqq shipping

homoerotic undertones

see that’s where the transmigration theory comes in

otome isekai never has the protag end up with their character’s canon love interest, but in pidw that cuts out like every woman

binghe obsession

wait hold on

homoerotic undertones

which is fine bc we’re 99% sure he isn’t into women anyway, but I digress

binghe obsession

you think he got transmigrated into fucking LUO BINGHE????

passionate ranting

wait they’re onto something here

let them cook

homoerotic undertones

what’s more of an otome isekai plotline than the protag falling in love with a character they used to hate after actually getting to know them?

PC would be basically immune to all the bullshit sqq pulls in the early chapters, and with his encyclopedic knowledge of pidw he’d notice pretty quick if there was anything different about sqq

like the brothel theory and how he treats nyy

plus with the way he writes comments he’d be able to keep up with sqq’s snark pretty easily

passionate ranting

wait why is this kinda…… 😳

binghe obsession

we are NOT shipping peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu

dick jokes

what the fuck happened while I was gone

passionate ranting

don’t worry about it

what did he say?

dick jokes

well the good news is he’s paying enough to cover my rent for the next six months

homoerotic undertones

you’re fucking joking

dick jokes

the bad news is they want me to start tomorrow

binghe obsession

LMFAOOO GOOD FUCKING LUCK

What’s His Fucking Deal

#general

homoerotic undertones

@ dick jokes you have to tell us everything, we need to know if the transmigration theory is real

passionate ranting

it’s real to me

and honestly kind of compelling ngl

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

would you read the peerless cucumber transmigration romance?

☐ yes I need to know how his brain works [25%]

☐ fuck no he’d be insufferable [75%]

4 votes • 23h left

dick jokes

what happened to hello? how are you? good morning?

homoerotic undertones

good morning, how’s the commission going

dick jokes

bad

homoerotic undertones

didn’t you only get there like 10 minutes ago

dick jokes

yeah

┌ passionate ranting would you read the peerless cu…

passionate ranting

why are you all voting no

wait what’s happening with dj?

dick jokes

well first of all you’re both wrong, he didn’t transmigrate into lbh

passionate ranting

damn

dick jokes

second of all if I stop replying call the police immediately because the lbh cosplayer murdered me for looking at PC too long

it’s not like I’m a fucking artist who needs references or anything

passionate ranting

HES SQQ????

homoerotic undertones

villainess isekai……

passionate ranting

I can’t believe they sank scumcum in less than 24h

wait hold on

binghe obsession

where the fuck are you coming up with these names

also good morning

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

best PC ship

☐ peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu [100%]

☐ peerless cucumber x luo binghe [0%]

1 vote • 23h left

binghe obsession

there’s something wrong with you clinically

dick jokes

guys idk if I’m gonna survive this

homoerotic undertones

is the lbh cosplayer actually threatening you? bc I’m 100% willing to call the police right now

or book a didi to pick you up

actually what’s his address I’m coming to get you

dick jokes

fucking chill

(but ty I appreciate it <3)

I was talking abt the mountains of dog food they’re shovelling down my throat rn

binghe obsession

lmfaooo

dick jokes

I don’t think the lbh cosplayer has stopped touching PC since I got here

they’re like

nauseating

homoerotic undertones

honestly still a pretty good reason to just leave

I have the didi app open just say the word

dick jokes

six months of rent

homoerotic undertones

right

binghe obsession

I can’t decide if this is ooc behaviour for lbh or not

passionate ranting

the exhibitionism is accurate at least

dick jokes

ugh don’t say that

homoerotic undertones

bingge isn’t clingy though

passionate ranting

hm good point

binghe obsession

I’m just thinking, if the transmigration theory was true and PC became sqq, it would affect lbh’s behaviour

passionate ranting

omg we converted you

homoerotic undertones

oh that’s true, PC’s obsessed with lbh and he hates sqq… if he turned into sqq he wouldn’t be able to keep the plot on track to save his life

binghe obsession

actually nvm I don’t want to think about this anymore

homoerotic undertones

noooo come on, think of it as a character study!!

passionate ranting

yeah!! even bingge was obsessed with sqq for years, there’s no way a lbh with PC for a shizun could be normal about him

binghe obsession

ugh fine

passionate ranting

!!!

binghe obsession

well to start, it would depend entirely on what part of the novel PC transmigrated into, how much freedom he has to fuck around, and how hard he’s trying to act like original!sqq

canon lbh is an obsessive, horny perfectionist incapable of self reflection in any meaningful way bc he can’t accept that his life sucks and he’s miserable. He has mommy issues, daddy issues, abandonment issues, probably an inferiority complex and a superiority complex at the same time, and who knows what else. Basically anything airplane thought would be depressing enough to introduce in the first arc but then never resolved later on

homoerotic undertones

OK Peerless Cucumber

binghe obsession

YOU ASKED????

passionate ranting

under shut up I wanna hear the rest of the analysis 😭

binghe obsession

what I was GOING to say is that if the shizun lbh was always trying to get the approval of just turned around one day and started doting on him the way we KNOW pc would, he’d direct all his issues toward pc and then it’d probably dissolve into some endless feedback loop of obsessive behaviour

so yeah, the clinginess makes sense

passionate ranting

ohh you’re so right

hopefully a bingge with pc!sqq would have a happier ending…

this sucks, now I wish the transmigration theory was real :(

homoerotic undertones

probably better that it isn’t, since, yk, PC would have to die first

passionate ranting

only a little bit

dick jokes

thank fucking god I thought I’d be trapped in there with them forever

homoerotic undertones

are you already done??

dick jokes

lmfao god no

lunch break, I’m hiding on the balcony

there’s SO MUCH shit I need to tell you guys, you don’t even know

binghe obsession

they actually gave you a lunch break?

dick jokes

tbh actually I think the only reason I get a break is bc lbh wanted the time alone to feed pc

these two are literally insane

I’m eating off a takeout plate bc they don’t have enough dishes. they didn’t even offer me anything to drink bc there’s only one cup in the entire apartment and they share it

homoerotic undertones

what the fuck

dick jokes

RIGHT?

binghe obsession

thought you’d be full from all that dog food lmfao

dick jokes

ugh don’t remind me you’re gonna make me lose my appetite

which is saying something bc this is literally unironically the best food I’ve ever tasted in my life

lbh made it and I thought he was genuinely gonna kill me when pc told him to give me some

like I’m sorry bro you’re the one who hired me?? take it up with your wife

passionate ranting

what’s his problem 😭

you don’t need to method act for cosplay

dick jokes

I don’t think he’s acting though?? like this is 100% home grown issues

he calls pc ‘shizun’ unironically and refers to himself as his disciple

homoerotic undertones

wtf

dick jokes

AND they’ve been wearing the most beautiful, intricate, clearly handmade xianxia style hanfu I’ve ever seen the entire time, didn’t even take it off to eat which is CRAZY to me

like what if you dropped soy sauce on it and it stained??? I’d kms

passionate ranting

oh they weren’t kidding abt the cosplay attracting attention then huh

dick jokes

THEY WERE NOT KIDDING, NO

homoerotic undertones

we’ve got to get you outta there

dick jokes

six months of rent

homoerotic undertones

right

well. good luck I guess

at least the food’s good

dick jokes

at least the food’s good

What’s His Fucking Deal

#general

dick jokes

hey guys?

this is gonna sound insane but

I think this might be the real luo binghe

homoerotic undertones

what

dick jokes

I think we were right about the transmigration thing

I think peerless cucumber really did die and transmigrate last year, and he brought the real lbh back with him

it’s just… something about the way they’re talking? PC keeps having to explain things to lbh but it’s only the sort of stuff you wouldn’t know about if you, say, lived in a fictional xianxia world without modern technology

also I saw his huadian glowing, like LED bright glowing

you can’t do that with practical effects

passionate ranting

are you doing okay, dj?

binghe obsession

blink twice if you need help

dick jokes

I’m serious!!! there’s something really weird about them!!!

passionate ranting

that doesn’t mean they’re transmigrators??? they’re probably just hardcore larping or something

dick jokes

see that’s what I thought at first too, but then

HOLY FUCK

homoerotic undertones

???

dick jokes

[10 seconds of shaky footage of an icy portal opening in the centre of an upper-class apartment living room. A man in xianxia style hanfu stumbles out of it, followed by a much taller man with long, dark hair, and skin tinged faintly blue.]

passionate ranting

MOBEI JUN???????????

binghe obsession

is that fucking shang qinghua

homoerotic undertones

WHAT

passionate ranting

MOBEI JUN???? FROM PIDW?????

what the fuck. what the Fuck

homoerotic undertones

what the FUCK

this is so

passionate ranting

oh my god. you weren’t kidding. that’s the real luo binghe

oh FUCK peerless cucumber died last year and no one even knew

AND HE GOT TRANSMIGRATED?????????

homoerotic undertones

THEYRE REAL???????????????

wait why are they in OUR world?????

binghe obsession

I think I need to lie down for a minute

passionate ranting

why is shang qinghua there???? isn’t he supposed to be dead??????

dick jokes

PC just called him airplane

passionate ranting

AIRPLANE SHOOTING TOWARDS THE SKY????????????????????????????

homoerotic undertones

imagine getting transmigrated into your own novel and your biggest hater is there too and he’s fucking your protagonist

villainess isekai protag peerless cucumber is real and I don’t know how to feel about this

binghe obsession

I just know this is your fault somehow

all three of you

dick jokes

ME???

WHAT DID I DO??

homoerotic undertones

wait oh fuck this means airplane died too and no one noticed

how did it happen twice???????

dick jokes

……….. shang qinghua and mobei jun want me to paint a portrait of them too

passionate ranting

omg….. moshang is real……..

homoerotic undertones

DJ GO HOME??

JUST LEAVE

dick jokes

they’re doubling my pay

one year of rent is worth so much more than my sanity

binghe obsession

I just remembered when like two years ago PC said something stupid on weibo

and it was one of his “lbh deserves better than this shitty novel” rants so I commented something like “luo binghe isn’t gonna fuck you, dude”

he was so pissed at me

but like

homoerotic undertones

LMFAO

binghe obsession

he really did it. luo binghe really fucked him

[torchstelechos]

God, I just want a fanfic about the absolute wild internet fandom and discourse of PIDW. Just full stop make it a chat/discord sever fic with both SQQ and SQH in it but neither know and they have another meltdown relationship on this server. Enough so that the fans make jokes that they’re just alts of SQQ and SQH (which is true but no one actually believes this). Make the final chapter present day them figuring it out and wailing on each other in anger. I need this more than I need air.

[othercat2]

Ficlet: What color is the dress

this fic is the fault of dreamwaffles on a discord server I'm on. I was wondering about the colors for An Ding (because fan art and fan fic shows them as blue and white or yellow and white) and suddenly I'm writing a ficlet.

__________________________________________

Doyleistically, the answer was simple, and Shen Qingqiu knew it was simple. Airplane Shooting Toward the Sky had referenced the An Ding colors as being white and yellow at least five times. Two times after that, he'd referred to them as pale steel blue and white. From there, it had somehow translated into the shitpile world born from Airplane's shitpile novel as An Ding Peak somehow having two sets of colors.

On a Watsonian level, Shen Qingqiu, otherwise known (by exactly one person) as Peerless Cucumber despaired of ever getting a straight answer. Because it was never a mix, and it was never something divided up by rank, or between inner or outer disciples. Or rather, never something precisely divided by ranks or divisions between inner and outer. Sometimes it seemed to be one, sometimes it seemed to be the other. Sometimes it switched. Was there some kind of roster? Did they plan ahead somehow?

Shen Qingqiu went so far as to ask Shang Qinghua's Head Disciple (currently the only one besides Airplane wearing blue and white and white) about the pattern. Only for the Head Disciple to blink at him in apparent surprise and say, "pattern for what, Shen-shishu?"

"For what days someone wears blue or yellow?" Shen Qingqiu asks.

"But Shen-shishu, there isn't anything like that." the Head Disciple says.

"Then why are there some days where An Ding disciples wear different colors?"

"I don't know anything about that, Shen-shishu," the disciple says. "The An Ding color is yellow and white." The disciple who was currently wearing steel blue and white says this!

"Then what color are you wearing?" Shen Qingqiu asks.

The disciple gulps, and doesn't lie about what color she's wearing, but doesn't admit to a charade either. "This one will find Shizun for Peak Lord Shen," she says, and skitters out of the office without answering the question.

Airplane turns up, wearing yellow and white now. "Bro, you just about gave Chou Xia a heart attack. What's all this about An Ding's colors?"

"What are An Ding's colors?" Shen Qingqiu asks in return. "And don't you dare say 'yellow and white,' you meme stealing hack."

"But bro--" Shen Qingqiu brandishes his fan, and Airplane makes an exaggerated gesture of surrender.

"Alright, alright!" Airplane says. "Look, somehow my typo--"

"Typo," Shen Qingqiu says. "More like a complete inability to keep track of what you wrote more than five chapters ago because of all the pa pa pa."

"Yeah, that, whatever! Anyway it translates into this weird, hilarious thing where An Ding disciples try to convince the other peak disciples of what the An Ding peak colors are supposed to be. I mean, it's an easy, harmless way get some of our own back, right? The other Peak Lords are more or less in on it, because they had to put up with it as disciples."

"You all have two sets of uniforms, for a joke?"

"No, we have one set of uniforms for a joke," Airplane says, and suddenly his yellow and white Peak Lord robes have become blue and white. "It's shot-silk, two different colors on the warp and weft. In ordinary silk, you get a iridescent effect. With some special arrays, you can do complete color shifts and other bullshit things if you cultivate with a loom. Which hey, is actually a thing, on An Ding!"

[stormscales]

🎤 idol au 🎤

bingqiu week 2020 - day 3/8 of mildly cursed drawings

smol lbh mods the peerless cucumber army stan discord server

[envyenvys]

svsss | one-shot | T | 2.5k | ao3

sequel to this

HE TRANSMIGRATED 🥒

#general

passionate ranting

transmigration is real and yet somehow the biggest impact it’s had on my life is that I’m now lowkey terrified of crossing the street

homoerotic undertones

are you good?

passionate ranting

no!!! what if I get fucking isekaid on my way to work!!!

homoerotic undertones

then you won’t have to work anymore..?

lmfao what kinda question

dick jokes

what’s going on?

homoerotic undertones

pash’s afraid of getting isekaid

passionate ranting

it’s a perfectly legitimate fear!!!

what if I end up in pidw and have to watch pc & lbh sucking face all the time??

homoerotic undertones

wait you’ve got a point hold on

should I be worried abt getting transmigrated? bc now I’m worried

dick jokes

there’s no way it’s common enough to be an actual issue

you’re more likely to just straight up die

homoerotic undertones

comforting

passionate ranting

forgot that was an option for a sec

why did that actually help. genuinely not even stressed anymore, thanks dj

dick jokes

that’s what I’m here for

homoerotic undertones

speechless.

passionate ranting

gonna go get groceries now that I’m not stressed out of my mind ✌️ ttyl

homoerotic undertones

ttyl…………

dick jokes

you were putting off groceries bc of this??

┌ dick jokes you’re more likely to just strai…

binghe obsession

of course, there’s always the possibility that everyone who dies gets transmigrated somewhere, and we only know about pc and airplane because they came back

homoerotic undertones

what the fuck

dick jokes

I think you just reinvented the concept of heaven

homoerotic undertones

I NEED you to stop talking right now

binghe obsession

no bc that would be a lot of people all going to the same place

also, hm

I was going to try to argue it doesn’t count as isekai/transmigration/etc but the more I think about it the more it does…

homoerotic undertones

please I’m begging you

dick jokes

this is why we need to stop doubting me

it’s all “dj that’s ridiculous” until I’m proven right 10 minutes later

homoerotic undertones

can you maybe stop speaking the most cursed things into existence then??

dick jokes

no

homoerotic undertones

then I will continue to doubt you

┌ homoerotic undertones can you maybe stop sp…

binghe obsession

and which one of us started the whole transmigration theory in the first place?

homoerotic undertones

I SAID I WAS SORRY

dick jokes

it’s fine they’ll just be coming back as a cockroach in the next life

or I guess ming fan, based on how this is going

homoerotic undertones

do you hate me be honest

binghe obsession

@ passionate ranting hurry up we just got the opportunity to make the funniest poll ever

homoerotic undertones

HEY??

dick jokes

LMAO

#photos

passionate ranting

just found my future wife

[candid photo of an elegantly dressed person with long, dark hair studiously examining a crate of watermelons.]

homoerotic undertones

oh hey you’re back

binghe obsession

here we go again

passionate ranting

this is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, if she smiled at me I’d ascend on the spot

homoerotic undertones

so does that mean you’re gonna actually try talking to this one or what

dick jokes

why tf is there a photo of pc in here and why is lbh not with him I’m scared

wait

passionate ranting

a photo of WHO

dick jokes

no fucking way

homoerotic undertones

oh my god

binghe obsession

HA

passionate ranting

no no no THIS CANT BE HAPPENING

dick jokes

LMFAOOOOO

📌 [binghe obsession pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.]

passionate ranting

NOOOOOOOOO

DJ TAKE IT BACK

DJ ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

dick jokes

[screenshot of a half-completed portrait of two people in elaborate xianxia style hanfu. One of them is clearly Luo Binghe, the other looks identical to the person in the previous photo.]

I mean I could but I would be lying

[binghe obsession sent a voice memo.]

[Transcription: 12 seconds of loud, breathless laughter.]

passionate ranting

do you hate me be honest!!!

homoerotic undertones

I just used that one like 5 min ago

passionate ranting

FUCK

this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me

ykw. fuck it

dick jokes

?

homoerotic undertones

fuck what

dick jokes

pash?

homoerotic undertones

@ passionate ranting fuck what???

binghe obsession

we’ll find out eventually

homoerotic undertones

that’s what I’m afraid of

HE TRANSMIGRATED 🥒

#general

passionate ranting

@ dick jokes guess who just learned your government name

dick jokes

what the fuck

how????

passionate ranting

😇.

binghe obsession

you’re a little too chipper for someone who just got terminally humiliated a little over an hour ago

what are you up to

passionate ranting

who says I’m up to anything? rude

dick jokes

oh you’re definitely up to smth

passionate ranting

aren’t you late for work

dick jokes

shit

wait how did you know that

binghe obsession

you told us yesterday

dick jokes

ah

binghe obsession

dumbass

dick jokes

thanks

okay I’m off. don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone

binghe obsession

you know they will

passionate ranting

“they”

glass houses, bestie

you’ve been one of us for way too long to pretend you’re the only normal one here

#shit_happens

homoerotic undertones

guess whose apartment just got flooded ✌️

binghe obsession

the emoji is a choice

homoerotic undertones

I’m channeling pash

thought the laidback optimistic attitude would help combat the stress of the situation but honestly it’s not doing much!

passionate ranting

can confirm, it doesn’t actually help <3

also what the hell!!

aren’t you on the third floor??

homoerotic undertones

you’d think I’d be safe from water damage up here but no. some idiot on the floor above me lit their apartment on fire and decided the best way to make it not on fire anymore was by dumping gallons of water all over everything

and wouldn’t you know it! the floors and ceilings in this building are not!! watertight!!!

so now all my shit is ruined and I don’t have an apartment anymore 👍

passionate ranting

what the fuck

??????

homoerotic undertones

I’m having such a good time right now 👍👍👍

binghe obsession

I’ll see if I can clear out some space for you here

the couch sucks, but it should be fine until you find a new place

passionate ranting

I’d have you stay with me but my apartment is female-only :(

wait B don’t you have that nightmare roommate…

binghe obsession

ugh don’t remind me

homoerotic undertones

honestly I’ll take it

nightmare roommate is better than any of my other options atm

passionate ranting

low bar

is there anything you need to replace? I can bring you a few things on my way back from work tomorrow

homoerotic undertones

you guys are gonna make me cry wtf. thank you

I’m still making a list but I’ll lyk

dick jokes

holy shit under are you okay??

dw abt B’s shitty roommate, you can stay with me

homoerotic undertones

??

passionate ranting

aren’t you sharing a 1b with your own shitty roommate?

dick jokes

no they’re moving out

lbh wants me to do more portraits of him and pc, I think it’s some kind of kink thing idk I didn’t ask

binghe obsession

yeah I wouldn’t

dick jokes

anyway I was thinking of moving somewhere nicer since I have the money for it now & if under needs a new place too we might as well just find one together

you might have to stay with B for a few days but my roommate’s almost done packing, they should be gone by the end of the week

homoerotic undertones

what the fuck

passionate ranting

and when were you planning on telling us this???

dick jokes

idk it just never came up

I was planning on visiting a few places tomorrow if you’re free?

homoerotic undertones

I. yeah. yeah, okay

fuck it, why not. let’s move in together

dick jokes

cool, I’ll dm you the details

okay gotta go my break is over

passionate ranting

this is so

binghe obsession

lmk if you still need my couch. lmfao

DMs between pash (passionate ranting) and shizunshusband

pash

I’d like to apologize again for the incident at the grocery store

your husband is objectively beautiful but I wasn’t trying to flirt with him I promise, I just recognized him and wanted to say hi

also I’m a lesbian

shizunshusband

So you’ve said. Repeatedly.

pash

I’ll say it as many times as I need to, sir!

shizunshusband

Once is enough.

pash

okay

shizunshusband

You said you recognized shizun. From where? This lord was under the impression his husband looked different when he lived in this world.

pash

oh uh

there’s sort of two parts to that

so like, I don’t know what he looked like before, but I’m friends with the artist doing your portrait so I know what he looks like now

but I used to follow him online before he transmigrated, so I kind of know him? we talked a few times but we weren’t exactly friends or anything

shizunshusband

I see.

Shizun was well known in his past life, then.

pash

yeah he was pretty popular, especially in the

um

you know about proud immortal demon way… right?

shizunshusband

Yes, this lord is aware.

pash

thank god lol

anyway yeah everyone in the pidw fandom knows who he is

I used his analysis to get the details right in my fanfics a few times

shizunshusband

What are “fanfics”?

HE TRANSMIGRATED 🥒

#good_news

passionate ranting

finally got commissioned again!!! things are looking up

binghe obsession

now all you need is a girlfriend

passionate ranting

fuck off

homoerotic undertones

congrats pash!!

passionate ranting

ty!!

this is gonna be my magnum opus, I can feel it

homoerotic undertones

what was the comm for anyway?

passionate ranting

it’s a secret 😇

homoerotic undertones

yk normally I wouldn’t think anything of it but the timing is suspicious

what are you up to

passionate ranting

you’re the third person to ask me that wtf

god forbid women do anything

binghe obsession

you walked right into that one

homoerotic undertones

forget I asked

Texts between Shen Yuan and Shang Li

Shen Yuan

why does binghe know what fanfic is

answer me

Shang Li

I don’t know!!! it wasn’t me this time I swear!!!

Shen Yuan

who tf else would he be talking to!!!!

Shang Li

idk!!!

the artist maybe??

Shen Yuan

no the artist is terrified of him, they don’t talk

Shang Li

and you’re just fine with that

Shen Yuan

I’m not gonna force binghe to interact with people who don’t like him!

they’re doing just fine. if something goes wrong I’ll intervene

Shang Li

…

wait didn’t you run into one of the artist’s friends earlier

Shen Yuan

we haven’t been talking to her either, though?

she tried to give me her discord username but binghe took it. thankfully she didn’t try to add me on weibo

Shang Li

hmm

HE TRANSMIGRATED 🥒

#general

binghe obsession

so how’s the apartment hunt going. lmfao

homoerotic undertones

it’s going great, actually!

we’ve already narrowed it down to a few places, the process has been surprisingly smooth

binghe obsession

oh I’m sure

dick jokes

don’t listen to them, under’s just easy to please

homoerotic undertones

it’s not like we need a lot of space!!

2bs with a nice view are super easy to find when you have an unlimited budget

dick jokes

and a dishwasher

there’s no reason either of us has to live that way anymore

homoerotic undertones

and a dishwasher, right

you’re so good to me <3

binghe obsession

do you two hear yourselves

homoerotic undertones

?

DMs between dj (dick jokes) and eatingtangyuan (binghe obsession)

dj

do NOT fucking blow this for me

eatingtangyuan

LMFAO

HE TRANSMIGRATED 🥒

#general

→  a wild airplane shooting towards the sky appeared.

homoerotic undertones

DJ WHAT THE FUCK

dick jokes

IT WASNT ME

binghe obsession

who else could it possibly have been

passionate ranting

no they’re right. it was me

I trust you’ll keep your end of the bargain, mr plane

airplane shooting towards the sky

ya ofc, this is fucking hilarious

you know ning yingying isn’t gonna fuck you though right

passionate ranting

that’s what they said about pc, but look at him now

┌ passionate ranting would you read the peerles…

airplane shooting towards the sky

hey can you make this again real quick

for no particular reason

passionate ranting

yeah for sure hold on a sec ✌️

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

would you read the peerless cucumber transmigration romance?

☐ yes I need to know how his brain works [20%]

☐ fuck no he’d be insufferable [80%]

5 votes • 23h left

passionate ranting

wow

homoerotic undertones

brutal

dick jokes

no I get it

┌ passionate ranting that’s what they said a…

binghe obsession

hey quick question. what did you mean by this

not to ruin the vibe or anything

passionate ranting

dw this is less isekai and more portal fantasy

the only truck running me over is airplane’s giant ass husband

in like a neutral non-sexual way. he’s very tall and intimidating and the whole demon thing is hard to wrap my head around

airplane shooting towards the sky

nice save

passionate ranting

why does this keep happening to me

Texts between Shen Yuan and Shang Li

Shang Li

yk if you think about it you’re technically the protagonist of a villainess transmigration novel

Shen Yuan

there are easier ways to die, but if you insist

Shang Li

haha!! just kidding!!

also do you think nyy likes pathetic women or is she more into the buff & capable type

Shen Yuan

?

yingying’s straight

Shang Li

bro

parallel lines by pashwritesfic

傲仙魔途 | Proud Immortal Demon Way - Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky

Rated E

Luo Binghe/Shen Qingqiu

Tags: slow burn, enemies to lovers, horror elements, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, qi deviation, airplane shooting towards the sky’s plot devices

Summary:

“Now, little beast,” Shizun snapped, flicking his fan out to cover the bottom of his face.

Luo Binghe stopped hesitating and prepared the tea. The last time he did this, his attempt was so poor that Shizun dumped the whole cup over his head rather than be forced to drink it. He’d practiced since then, sneaking into the kitchens at night so he would never be humiliated like that again.

The tea he served his shizun this time was fragrant, perfectly steeped. As Shizun brought the cup to his lips, Luo Binghe braced himself for his reaction. He expected dismissive words, a cruel sneer, even to be right back where he started with scalding tea dripping onto his robes.

He didn’t expect Shizun to smile.

Or: there’s something wrong with Shen Qingqiu, and Luo Binghe is the only one who’s noticed.

HE TRANSMIGRATED 🥒

#general

passionate ranting

just posted my new fic ✨

[link]

homoerotic undertones

your comm was for lbh/sqq?

you really found your niche huh

passionate ranting

I mean, I guess you could say that lol

homoerotic undertones

?

airplane shooting towards the sky

oh hey congrats!

wait what is this

passionate ranting

thanks bestie!! don’t worry about it

do you think this technically counts as rpf now

airplane shooting towards the sky

please don’t ask me that

———

Notes: the “li” I’ve chosen for sqh’s birth name is 栗 meaning “chestnut” or “cold”, I figured it could sound like a (hopefully) normal name while also referencing lbh being sort of a self insert

[envyenvys]

☆ stobin enthusiast ♡

multifandom | prompts welcome | habit of writing essays in the tags

I’m more active on my main!

🔗 Links: main blog • bluesky • ao3 • archive

🌷 Tags: envy writes • envy draws • envy speaks • asks • fanart • progress report (word count updates)

⭐️ Fic tags:

dear cassandra (stranger things, prophetic dreams fic. ao3)

peerless cucumber discord server (svsss, series. ao3)

aro stobin cinematic universe (stranger things, series. ao3)

stobin mandalorian au (stranger things, posted directly to tumblr)

🍀 OC Tags:

renbrand (introductory post can be found here)

loreliese

🍓 Misc Tags:

the greatest qpr hawkins has ever seen (stobin tag)

[othercat2]

In Which Peerless Cucumber and Airplane Bro Are Hamsteaks

This was something I posed on a Discord server I'm on. Now I inflict it on you for Homestuck Day. This is all for my fic molasses dark as pitch.

So on the SVSSS side of PIDW, Airplane and Peerless Cucumber were also Homestuck fans. Which yes, means PIDW's romance was quadranted--though not obviously except to someone who'd be able to go "hey wait a minute!"--and it did not become Very Obvious There Were Quadrants Until Cucumber gets transmigrated.

Mobei-Jun was at one point a blue blood Trollsona/Troll OC. Linguang-Jun was a jumping spider lusus with a scorpion tail. Peerless Cucumber finds out about the Trollsona because of Very Incriminating Sketches.

He also finds out that he and Airplane have read some of the same AUs, and that (I'm going to be very self indulgent and give them my main favorites: hemostuck, brainbent, and Boat Trolls. Also the cyberbunny au. )

Airplane Bro is a Vriskapologist! Peerless Cucumber is very much not! They argue so much about Vriska it is somewhat assumed they are in an auspistice with this hot mess of a woman, though no one can tell what leaf.

They have classpected their friends/coworkers/themselves.

[envyenvys]

Fuck it. this fic is now interactive

svsss | one-shot | T | 2.4k | ao3

This is. unreasonably long for what it is. I wrote this whole thing in a day bc I couldn’t stop thinking abt it and it’s so stupid but I hope it’s also as funny as I think it is??? So here, have some post-canon bingqiu nonsense from an outsider pov

What’s His Fucking Deal

#cucumber-spotting

dick jokes

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Do you still take commissions?”]

passionate ranting

no fucking way

he’s still alive???

binghe obsession

of course this is how we find out

homoerotic undertones

maybe he really was dead and he just rose from the grave to commission art of lbh one last time

in a totally hetero way ofc

binghe obsession

ofc

passionate ranting

after a year?

homoerotic undertones

anything’s possible

binghe obsession

@ dick jokes what did he want anyway

?

homoerotic undertones

@ dick jokes

dick jokes

gimme a minute he’s still explaining

homoerotic undertones

still???

passionate ranting

ooo point for me

homoerotic undertones

no it’s not, that’s just how he talks

it needs to be pidw comment level ranting or it doesn’t count

binghe obsession

probably still a point for me though

homoerotic undertones

shut the fuck up

basically everything he says counts as a point for you

some of us actually need to put effort into our point collecting

binghe obsession

skill issue

your fault for picking one of the harder ones

dick jokes

how do you think I feel

binghe obsession

yeah you really fucked that one up

he’s only ever made like one dick joke

passionate ranting

famously

binghe obsession

famously

dick jokes

what the actual fuck

THERES NO WAY

he’s serious?????????

homoerotic undertones

context??

binghe obsession

what did he do now

dick jokes

he wants me to

how the fuck do I phrase this so it makes sense

he wants me to go to his stupidly expensive apartment to paint a portrait of him and his husband(???????) in sqq x lbh cosplay

📌 [passionate ranting pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.]

homoerotic undertones

how gullible do you think we are

dick jokes

IM NOT FUCKING JOKING

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Would it be possible for you to paint at least part of it in person? My husband would prefer the authenticity of a live portrait, though it can still be digital.”]

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “My apartment would be best, our cosplay will likely attract too much attention anywhere else.”]

passionate ranting

WHAT

HUSBAND??????????????????

homoerotic undertones

oh my fucking god

binghe obsession

did he marry a lbh cosplayer

please say yes

passionate ranting

SHEN QINGQIU??????????

what the fuck HAPPENED to him while he was gone????

homoerotic undertones

maybe he got fucking

binghe obsession

lmfao he wishes

homoerotic undertones

transmigrated

let me finish??

passionate ranting

I mean……

he did get married, so

it’s likely

binghe obsession

can we go back to the part where under suggested he got fucking transmigrated

homoerotic undertones

think about it

binghe obsession

oh don’t worry I’m definitely thinking about it

passionate ranting

wait no I kinda get it

PC is kind of perfect for a transmigration romance tbh

homoerotic undertones

he’d be so good at it

passionate ranting

like imagine he ended up in pidw, he probably knows that world better than the author at this point

classic op otome isekai protag

homoerotic undertones

exactlyyyy

binghe obsession

what if we had a normal conversation for once

passionate ranting

in the peerless cucumber discord server?

binghe obsession

yeah okay point taken

then can either of you two geniuses explain the lbh x sqq shipping

homoerotic undertones

see that’s where the transmigration theory comes in

otome isekai never has the protag end up with their character’s canon love interest, but in pidw that cuts out like every woman

binghe obsession

wait hold on

homoerotic undertones

which is fine bc we’re 99% sure he isn’t into women anyway, but I digress

binghe obsession

you think he got transmigrated into fucking LUO BINGHE????

passionate ranting

wait they’re onto something here

let them cook

homoerotic undertones

what’s more of an otome isekai plotline than the protag falling in love with a character they used to hate after actually getting to know them?

PC would be basically immune to all the bullshit sqq pulls in the early chapters, and with his encyclopedic knowledge of pidw he’d notice pretty quick if there was anything different about sqq

like the brothel theory and how he treats nyy

plus with the way he writes comments he’d be able to keep up with sqq’s snark pretty easily

passionate ranting

wait why is this kinda…… 😳

binghe obsession

we are NOT shipping peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu

dick jokes

what the fuck happened while I was gone

passionate ranting

don’t worry about it

what did he say?

dick jokes

well the good news is he’s paying enough to cover my rent for the next six months

homoerotic undertones

you’re fucking joking

dick jokes

the bad news is they want me to start tomorrow

binghe obsession

LMFAOOO GOOD FUCKING LUCK

What’s His Fucking Deal

#general

homoerotic undertones

@ dick jokes you have to tell us everything, we need to know if the transmigration theory is real

passionate ranting

it’s real to me

and honestly kind of compelling ngl

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

would you read the peerless cucumber transmigration romance?

☐ yes I need to know how his brain works [25%]

☐ fuck no he’d be insufferable [75%]

4 votes • 23h left

dick jokes

what happened to hello? how are you? good morning?

homoerotic undertones

good morning, how’s the commission going

dick jokes

bad

homoerotic undertones

didn’t you only get there like 10 minutes ago

dick jokes

yeah

┌ passionate ranting would you read the peerless cu…

passionate ranting

why are you all voting no

wait what’s happening with dj?

dick jokes

well first of all you’re both wrong, he didn’t transmigrate into lbh

passionate ranting

damn

dick jokes

second of all if I stop replying call the police immediately because the lbh cosplayer murdered me for looking at PC too long

it’s not like I’m a fucking artist who needs references or anything

passionate ranting

HES SQQ????

homoerotic undertones

villainess isekai……

passionate ranting

I can’t believe they sank scumcum in less than 24h

wait hold on

binghe obsession

where the fuck are you coming up with these names

also good morning

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

best PC ship

☐ peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu [100%]

☐ peerless cucumber x luo binghe [0%]

1 vote • 23h left

binghe obsession

there’s something wrong with you clinically

dick jokes

guys idk if I’m gonna survive this

homoerotic undertones

is the lbh cosplayer actually threatening you? bc I’m 100% willing to call the police right now

or book a didi to pick you up

actually what’s his address I’m coming to get you

dick jokes

fucking chill

(but ty I appreciate it <3)

I was talking abt the mountains of dog food they’re shovelling down my throat rn

binghe obsession

lmfaooo

dick jokes

I don’t think the lbh cosplayer has stopped touching PC since I got here

they’re like

nauseating

homoerotic undertones

honestly still a pretty good reason to just leave

I have the didi app open just say the word

dick jokes

six months of rent

homoerotic undertones

right

binghe obsession

I can’t decide if this is ooc behaviour for lbh or not

passionate ranting

the exhibitionism is accurate at least

dick jokes

ugh don’t say that

homoerotic undertones

bingge isn’t clingy though

passionate ranting

hm good point

binghe obsession

I’m just thinking, if the transmigration theory was true and PC became sqq, it would affect lbh’s behaviour

passionate ranting

omg we converted you

homoerotic undertones

oh that’s true, PC’s obsessed with lbh and he hates sqq… if he turned into sqq he wouldn’t be able to keep the plot on track to save his life

binghe obsession

actually nvm I don’t want to think about this anymore

homoerotic undertones

noooo come on, think of it as a character study!!

passionate ranting

yeah!! even bingge was obsessed with sqq for years, there’s no way a lbh with PC for a shizun could be normal about him

binghe obsession

ugh fine

passionate ranting

!!!

binghe obsession

well to start, it would depend entirely on what part of the novel PC transmigrated into, how much freedom he has to fuck around, and how hard he’s trying to act like original!sqq

canon lbh is an obsessive, horny perfectionist incapable of self reflection in any meaningful way bc he can’t accept that his life sucks and he’s miserable. He has mommy issues, daddy issues, abandonment issues, probably an inferiority complex and a superiority complex at the same time, and who knows what else. Basically anything airplane thought would be depressing enough to introduce in the first arc but then never resolved later on

homoerotic undertones

OK Peerless Cucumber

binghe obsession

YOU ASKED????

passionate ranting

under shut up I wanna hear the rest of the analysis 😭

binghe obsession

what I was GOING to say is that if the shizun lbh was always trying to get the approval of just turned around one day and started doting on him the way we KNOW pc would, he’d direct all his issues toward pc and then it’d probably dissolve into some endless feedback loop of obsessive behaviour

so yeah, the clinginess makes sense

passionate ranting

ohh you’re so right

hopefully a bingge with pc!sqq would have a happier ending…

this sucks, now I wish the transmigration theory was real :(

homoerotic undertones

probably better that it isn’t, since, yk, PC would have to die first

passionate ranting

only a little bit

dick jokes

thank fucking god I thought I’d be trapped in there with them forever

homoerotic undertones

are you already done??

dick jokes

lmfao god no

lunch break, I’m hiding on the balcony

there’s SO MUCH shit I need to tell you guys, you don’t even know

binghe obsession

they actually gave you a lunch break?

dick jokes

tbh actually I think the only reason I get a break is bc lbh wanted the time alone to feed pc

these two are literally insane

I’m eating off a takeout plate bc they don’t have enough dishes. they didn’t even offer me anything to drink bc there’s only one cup in the entire apartment and they share it

homoerotic undertones

what the fuck

dick jokes

RIGHT?

binghe obsession

thought you’d be full from all that dog food lmfao

dick jokes

ugh don’t remind me you’re gonna make me lose my appetite

which is saying something bc this is literally unironically the best food I’ve ever tasted in my life

lbh made it and I thought he was genuinely gonna kill me when pc told him to give me some

like I’m sorry bro you’re the one who hired me?? take it up with your wife

passionate ranting

what’s his problem 😭

you don’t need to method act for cosplay

dick jokes

I don’t think he’s acting though?? like this is 100% home grown issues

he calls pc ‘shizun’ unironically and refers to himself as his disciple

homoerotic undertones

wtf

dick jokes

AND they’ve been wearing the most beautiful, intricate, clearly handmade xianxia style hanfu I’ve ever seen the entire time, didn’t even take it off to eat which is CRAZY to me

like what if you dropped soy sauce on it and it stained??? I’d kms

passionate ranting

oh they weren’t kidding abt the cosplay attracting attention then huh

dick jokes

THEY WERE NOT KIDDING, NO

homoerotic undertones

we’ve got to get you outta there

dick jokes

six months of rent

homoerotic undertones

right

well. good luck I guess

at least the food’s good

dick jokes

at least the food’s good

What’s His Fucking Deal

#general

dick jokes

hey guys?

this is gonna sound insane but

I think this might be the real luo binghe

homoerotic undertones

what

dick jokes

I think we were right about the transmigration thing

I think peerless cucumber really did die and transmigrate last year, and he brought the real lbh back with him

it’s just… something about the way they’re talking? PC keeps having to explain things to lbh but it’s only the sort of stuff you wouldn’t know about if you, say, lived in a fictional xianxia world without modern technology

also I saw his huadian glowing, like LED bright glowing

you can’t do that with practical effects

passionate ranting

are you doing okay, dj?

binghe obsession

blink twice if you need help

dick jokes

I’m serious!!! there’s something really weird about them!!!

passionate ranting

that doesn’t mean they’re transmigrators??? they’re probably just hardcore larping or something

dick jokes

see that’s what I thought at first too, but then

HOLY FUCK

homoerotic undertones

???

dick jokes

[10 seconds of shaky footage of an icy portal opening in the centre of an upper-class apartment living room. A man in xianxia style hanfu stumbles out of it, followed by a much taller man with long, dark hair, and skin tinged faintly blue.]

passionate ranting

MOBEI JUN???????????

binghe obsession

is that fucking shang qinghua

homoerotic undertones

WHAT

passionate ranting

MOBEI JUN???? FROM PIDW?????

what the fuck. what the Fuck

homoerotic undertones

what the FUCK

this is so

passionate ranting

oh my god. you weren’t kidding. that’s the real luo binghe

oh FUCK peerless cucumber died last year and no one even knew

AND HE GOT TRANSMIGRATED?????????

homoerotic undertones

THEYRE REAL???????????????

wait why are they in OUR world?????

binghe obsession

I think I need to lie down for a minute

passionate ranting

why is shang qinghua there???? isn’t he supposed to be dead??????

dick jokes

PC just called him airplane

passionate ranting

AIRPLANE SHOOTING TOWARDS THE SKY????????????????????????????

homoerotic undertones

imagine getting transmigrated into your own novel and your biggest hater is there too and he’s fucking your protagonist

villainess isekai protag peerless cucumber is real and I don’t know how to feel about this

binghe obsession

I just know this is your fault somehow

all three of you

dick jokes

ME???

WHAT DID I DO??

homoerotic undertones

wait oh fuck this means airplane died too and no one noticed

how did it happen twice???????

dick jokes

……….. shang qinghua and mobei jun want me to paint a portrait of them too

passionate ranting

omg….. moshang is real……..

homoerotic undertones

DJ GO HOME??

JUST LEAVE

dick jokes

they’re doubling my pay

one year of rent is worth so much more than my sanity

binghe obsession

I just remembered when like two years ago PC said something stupid on weibo

and it was one of his “lbh deserves better than this shitty novel” rants so I commented something like “luo binghe isn’t gonna fuck you, dude”

he was so pissed at me

but like

homoerotic undertones

LMFAO

binghe obsession

he really did it. luo binghe really fucked him

[envyenvys]

​In hindsight I should’ve expected this result from the peerless cucumber transmigration romance fandom

svsss | one-shot | T | 2.4k | ao3

This is. unreasonably long for what it is. I wrote this whole thing in a day bc I couldn’t stop thinking abt it and it’s so stupid but I hope it’s also as funny as I think it is??? So here, have some post-canon bingqiu nonsense from an outsider pov

What’s His Fucking Deal

#cucumber-spotting

dick jokes

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Do you still take commissions?”]

passionate ranting

no fucking way

he’s still alive???

binghe obsession

of course this is how we find out

homoerotic undertones

maybe he really was dead and he just rose from the grave to commission art of lbh one last time

in a totally hetero way ofc

binghe obsession

ofc

passionate ranting

after a year?

homoerotic undertones

anything’s possible

binghe obsession

@ dick jokes what did he want anyway

?

homoerotic undertones

@ dick jokes

dick jokes

gimme a minute he’s still explaining

homoerotic undertones

still???

passionate ranting

ooo point for me

homoerotic undertones

no it’s not, that’s just how he talks

it needs to be pidw comment level ranting or it doesn’t count

binghe obsession

probably still a point for me though

homoerotic undertones

shut the fuck up

basically everything he says counts as a point for you

some of us actually need to put effort into our point collecting

binghe obsession

skill issue

your fault for picking one of the harder ones

dick jokes

how do you think I feel

binghe obsession

yeah you really fucked that one up

he’s only ever made like one dick joke

passionate ranting

famously

binghe obsession

famously

dick jokes

what the actual fuck

THERES NO WAY

he’s serious?????????

homoerotic undertones

context??

binghe obsession

what did he do now

dick jokes

he wants me to

how the fuck do I phrase this so it makes sense

he wants me to go to his stupidly expensive apartment to paint a portrait of him and his husband(???????) in sqq x lbh cosplay

📌 [passionate ranting pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.]

homoerotic undertones

how gullible do you think we are

dick jokes

IM NOT FUCKING JOKING

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Would it be possible for you to paint at least part of it in person? My husband would prefer the authenticity of a live portrait, though it can still be digital.”]

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “My apartment would be best, our cosplay will likely attract too much attention anywhere else.”]

passionate ranting

WHAT

HUSBAND??????????????????

homoerotic undertones

oh my fucking god

binghe obsession

did he marry a lbh cosplayer

please say yes

passionate ranting

SHEN QINGQIU??????????

what the fuck HAPPENED to him while he was gone????

homoerotic undertones

maybe he got fucking

binghe obsession

lmfao he wishes

homoerotic undertones

transmigrated

let me finish??

passionate ranting

I mean……

he did get married, so

it’s likely

binghe obsession

can we go back to the part where under suggested he got fucking transmigrated

homoerotic undertones

think about it

binghe obsession

oh don’t worry I’m definitely thinking about it

passionate ranting

wait no I kinda get it

PC is kind of perfect for a transmigration romance tbh

homoerotic undertones

he’d be so good at it

passionate ranting

like imagine he ended up in pidw, he probably knows that world better than the author at this point

classic op otome isekai protag

homoerotic undertones

exactlyyyy

binghe obsession

what if we had a normal conversation for once

passionate ranting

in the peerless cucumber discord server?

binghe obsession

yeah okay point taken

then can either of you two geniuses explain the lbh x sqq shipping

homoerotic undertones

see that’s where the transmigration theory comes in

otome isekai never has the protag end up with their character’s canon love interest, but in pidw that cuts out like every woman

binghe obsession

wait hold on

homoerotic undertones

which is fine bc we’re 99% sure he isn’t into women anyway, but I digress

binghe obsession

you think he got transmigrated into fucking LUO BINGHE????

passionate ranting

wait they’re onto something here

let them cook

homoerotic undertones

what’s more of an otome isekai plotline than the protag falling in love with a character they used to hate after actually getting to know them?

PC would be basically immune to all the bullshit sqq pulls in the early chapters, and with his encyclopedic knowledge of pidw he’d notice pretty quick if there was anything different about sqq

like the brothel theory and how he treats nyy

plus with the way he writes comments he’d be able to keep up with sqq’s snark pretty easily

passionate ranting

wait why is this kinda…… 😳

binghe obsession

we are NOT shipping peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu

dick jokes

what the fuck happened while I was gone

passionate ranting

don’t worry about it

what did he say?

dick jokes

well the good news is he’s paying enough to cover my rent for the next six months

homoerotic undertones

you’re fucking joking

dick jokes

the bad news is they want me to start tomorrow

binghe obsession

LMFAOOO GOOD FUCKING LUCK

What’s His Fucking Deal

#general

homoerotic undertones

@ dick jokes you have to tell us everything, we need to know if the transmigration theory is real

passionate ranting

it’s real to me

and honestly kind of compelling ngl

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

would you read the peerless cucumber transmigration romance?

☐ yes I need to know how his brain works [25%]

☐ fuck no he’d be insufferable [75%]

4 votes • 23h left

dick jokes

what happened to hello? how are you? good morning?

homoerotic undertones

good morning, how’s the commission going

dick jokes

bad

homoerotic undertones

didn’t you only get there like 10 minutes ago

dick jokes

yeah

┌ passionate ranting would you read the peerless cu…

passionate ranting

why are you all voting no

wait what’s happening with dj?

dick jokes

well first of all you’re both wrong, he didn’t transmigrate into lbh

passionate ranting

damn

dick jokes

second of all if I stop replying call the police immediately because the lbh cosplayer murdered me for looking at PC too long

it’s not like I’m a fucking artist who needs references or anything

passionate ranting

HES SQQ????

homoerotic undertones

villainess isekai……

passionate ranting

I can’t believe they sank scumcum in less than 24h

wait hold on

binghe obsession

where the fuck are you coming up with these names

also good morning

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

best PC ship

☐ peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu [100%]

☐ peerless cucumber x luo binghe [0%]

1 vote • 23h left

binghe obsession

there’s something wrong with you clinically

dick jokes

guys idk if I’m gonna survive this

homoerotic undertones

is the lbh cosplayer actually threatening you? bc I’m 100% willing to call the police right now

or book a didi to pick you up

actually what’s his address I’m coming to get you

dick jokes

fucking chill

(but ty I appreciate it <3)

I was talking abt the mountains of dog food they’re shovelling down my throat rn

binghe obsession

lmfaooo

dick jokes

I don’t think the lbh cosplayer has stopped touching PC since I got here

they’re like

nauseating

homoerotic undertones

honestly still a pretty good reason to just leave

I have the didi app open just say the word

dick jokes

six months of rent

homoerotic undertones

right

binghe obsession

I can’t decide if this is ooc behaviour for lbh or not

passionate ranting

the exhibitionism is accurate at least

dick jokes

ugh don’t say that

homoerotic undertones

bingge isn’t clingy though

passionate ranting

hm good point

binghe obsession

I’m just thinking, if the transmigration theory was true and PC became sqq, it would affect lbh’s behaviour

passionate ranting

omg we converted you

homoerotic undertones

oh that’s true, PC’s obsessed with lbh and he hates sqq… if he turned into sqq he wouldn’t be able to keep the plot on track to save his life

binghe obsession

actually nvm I don’t want to think about this anymore

homoerotic undertones

noooo come on, think of it as a character study!!

passionate ranting

yeah!! even bingge was obsessed with sqq for years, there’s no way a lbh with PC for a shizun could be normal about him

binghe obsession

ugh fine

passionate ranting

!!!

binghe obsession

well to start, it would depend entirely on what part of the novel PC transmigrated into, how much freedom he has to fuck around, and how hard he’s trying to act like original!sqq

canon lbh is an obsessive, horny perfectionist incapable of self reflection in any meaningful way bc he can’t accept that his life sucks and he’s miserable. He has mommy issues, daddy issues, abandonment issues, probably an inferiority complex and a superiority complex at the same time, and who knows what else. Basically anything airplane thought would be depressing enough to introduce in the first arc but then never resolved later on

homoerotic undertones

OK Peerless Cucumber

binghe obsession

YOU ASKED????

passionate ranting

under shut up I wanna hear the rest of the analysis 😭

binghe obsession

what I was GOING to say is that if the shizun lbh was always trying to get the approval of just turned around one day and started doting on him the way we KNOW pc would, he’d direct all his issues toward pc and then it’d probably dissolve into some endless feedback loop of obsessive behaviour

so yeah, the clinginess makes sense

passionate ranting

ohh you’re so right

hopefully a bingge with pc!sqq would have a happier ending…

this sucks, now I wish the transmigration theory was real :(

homoerotic undertones

probably better that it isn’t, since, yk, PC would have to die first

passionate ranting

only a little bit

dick jokes

thank fucking god I thought I’d be trapped in there with them forever

homoerotic undertones

are you already done??

dick jokes

lmfao god no

lunch break, I’m hiding on the balcony

there’s SO MUCH shit I need to tell you guys, you don’t even know

binghe obsession

they actually gave you a lunch break?

dick jokes

tbh actually I think the only reason I get a break is bc lbh wanted the time alone to feed pc

these two are literally insane

I’m eating off a takeout plate bc they don’t have enough dishes. they didn’t even offer me anything to drink bc there’s only one cup in the entire apartment and they share it

homoerotic undertones

what the fuck

dick jokes

RIGHT?

binghe obsession

thought you’d be full from all that dog food lmfao

dick jokes

ugh don’t remind me you’re gonna make me lose my appetite

which is saying something bc this is literally unironically the best food I’ve ever tasted in my life

lbh made it and I thought he was genuinely gonna kill me when pc told him to give me some

like I’m sorry bro you’re the one who hired me?? take it up with your wife

passionate ranting

what’s his problem 😭

you don’t need to method act for cosplay

dick jokes

I don’t think he’s acting though?? like this is 100% home grown issues

he calls pc ‘shizun’ unironically and refers to himself as his disciple

homoerotic undertones

wtf

dick jokes

AND they’ve been wearing the most beautiful, intricate, clearly handmade xianxia style hanfu I’ve ever seen the entire time, didn’t even take it off to eat which is CRAZY to me

like what if you dropped soy sauce on it and it stained??? I’d kms

passionate ranting

oh they weren’t kidding abt the cosplay attracting attention then huh

dick jokes

THEY WERE NOT KIDDING, NO

homoerotic undertones

we’ve got to get you outta there

dick jokes

six months of rent

homoerotic undertones

right

well. good luck I guess

at least the food’s good

dick jokes

at least the food’s good

What’s His Fucking Deal

#general

dick jokes

hey guys?

this is gonna sound insane but

I think this might be the real luo binghe

homoerotic undertones

what

dick jokes

I think we were right about the transmigration thing

I think peerless cucumber really did die and transmigrate last year, and he brought the real lbh back with him

it’s just… something about the way they’re talking? PC keeps having to explain things to lbh but it’s only the sort of stuff you wouldn’t know about if you, say, lived in a fictional xianxia world without modern technology

also I saw his huadian glowing, like LED bright glowing

you can’t do that with practical effects

passionate ranting

are you doing okay, dj?

binghe obsession

blink twice if you need help

dick jokes

I’m serious!!! there’s something really weird about them!!!

passionate ranting

that doesn’t mean they’re transmigrators??? they’re probably just hardcore larping or something

dick jokes

see that’s what I thought at first too, but then

HOLY FUCK

homoerotic undertones

???

dick jokes

[10 seconds of shaky footage of an icy portal opening in the centre of an upper-class apartment living room. A man in xianxia style hanfu stumbles out of it, followed by a much taller man with long, dark hair, and skin tinged faintly blue.]

passionate ranting

MOBEI JUN???????????

binghe obsession

is that fucking shang qinghua

homoerotic undertones

WHAT

passionate ranting

MOBEI JUN???? FROM PIDW?????

what the fuck. what the Fuck

homoerotic undertones

what the FUCK

this is so

passionate ranting

oh my god. you weren’t kidding. that’s the real luo binghe

oh FUCK peerless cucumber died last year and no one even knew

AND HE GOT TRANSMIGRATED?????????

homoerotic undertones

THEYRE REAL???????????????

wait why are they in OUR world?????

binghe obsession

I think I need to lie down for a minute

passionate ranting

why is shang qinghua there???? isn’t he supposed to be dead??????

dick jokes

PC just called him airplane

passionate ranting

AIRPLANE SHOOTING TOWARDS THE SKY????????????????????????????

homoerotic undertones

imagine getting transmigrated into your own novel and your biggest hater is there too and he’s fucking your protagonist

villainess isekai protag peerless cucumber is real and I don’t know how to feel about this

binghe obsession

I just know this is your fault somehow

all three of you

dick jokes

ME???

WHAT DID I DO??

homoerotic undertones

wait oh fuck this means airplane died too and no one noticed

how did it happen twice???????

dick jokes

……….. shang qinghua and mobei jun want me to paint a portrait of them too

passionate ranting

omg….. moshang is real……..

homoerotic undertones

DJ GO HOME??

JUST LEAVE

dick jokes

they’re doubling my pay

one year of rent is worth so much more than my sanity

binghe obsession

I just remembered when like two years ago PC said something stupid on weibo

and it was one of his “lbh deserves better than this shitty novel” rants so I commented something like “luo binghe isn’t gonna fuck you, dude”

he was so pissed at me

but like

homoerotic undertones

LMFAO

binghe obsession

he really did it. luo binghe really fucked him